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# | Start | End | Original | Translated |
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1 | 00:00:10,887 | 00:00:13,401 | # Once in every lifetime | # Once in every lifetime |
2 | 00:00:13,567 | 00:00:15,762 | # Comes a love like this | # Comes a love like this |
3 | 00:00:15,927 | 00:00:18,805 | # Oh, I need you, you need me, | # Oh, I need you, you need me, |
4 | 00:00:18,967 | 00:00:21,276 | # Oh, my darling, can't you see | # Oh, my darling, can't you see |
5 | 00:00:23,487 | 00:00:26,479 | # Darling, we're the Young Ones | # Darling, we're the Young Ones |
6 | 00:00:26,647 | 00:00:28,683 | # The Young Ones | # The Young Ones |
7 | 00:00:28,847 | 00:00:30,997 | # (RICK) Shouldn't be afraid | # (RICK) Shouldn't be afraid |
8 | 00:00:31,967 | 00:00:34,197 | # To live, love, | # To live, love, |
9 | 00:00:35,167 | 00:00:37,237 | # There's a song to be sung | # There's a song to be sung |
10 | 00:00:37,407 | 00:00:41,639 | # 'Cause we may not be the Young Ones very long # | # 'Cause we may not be the Young Ones very long # |
11 | 00:00:56,287 | 00:00:58,676 | (ALARM CLOCK RINGS) | (ALARM CLOCK RINGS) |
12 | 00:01:12,687 | 00:01:15,155 | Pollution. | Pollution. |
13 | 00:01:15,327 | 00:01:17,602 | All around! | All around! |
14 | 00:01:17,767 | 00:01:20,486 | Sometimes...up... | Sometimes...up... |
15 | 00:01:20,647 | 00:01:24,606 | Sometimes...down. | Sometimes...down. |
16 | 00:01:25,087 | 00:01:29,842 | But always...around. | But always...around. |
17 | 00:01:30,847 | 00:01:34,203 | Pollution, are you coming to my town? | Pollution, are you coming to my town? |
18 | 00:01:35,127 | 00:01:38,164 | Or am I coming to yours? | Or am I coming to yours? |
19 | 00:01:40,207 | 00:01:43,722 | We're on different buses, pollution. | We're on different buses, pollution. |
20 | 00:01:43,887 | 00:01:47,357 | But we're both using...petrol... | But we're both using...petrol... |
21 | 00:01:51,767 | 00:01:53,485 | ..bombs! | ..bombs! |
22 | 00:01:54,447 | 00:01:56,597 | (ALARM CLOCK WINDS DOWN) | (ALARM CLOCK WINDS DOWN) |
23 | 00:02:05,487 | 00:02:07,000 | Oh... | Oh... |
24 | 00:02:07,167 | 00:02:09,362 | Lads! | Lads! |
25 | 00:02:09,527 | 00:02:12,360 | It's two o'clock in the afternoon! | It's two o'clock in the afternoon! |
26 | 00:02:13,527 | 00:02:15,722 | Maybe it's time we got up. | Maybe it's time we got up. |
27 | 00:02:19,567 | 00:02:23,446 | Lucky I didn't sleep late, or we'd've missed half the day. | Lucky I didn't sleep late, or we'd've missed half the day. |
28 | 00:02:27,727 | 00:02:32,118 | Oh...Thanks for telling me about the new hole, guys! | Oh...Thanks for telling me about the new hole, guys! |
29 | 00:02:34,567 | 00:02:38,958 | # You say you want a revolution, we-ell # | # You say you want a revolution, we-ell # |
30 | 00:02:41,407 | 00:02:45,036 | Vyvyan, have you been using my roll-on deodorant? | Vyvyan, have you been using my roll-on deodorant? |
31 | 00:02:45,207 | 00:02:48,119 | There's a revolting hair on it and it's not mine! | There's a revolting hair on it and it's not mine! |
32 | 00:02:49,327 | 00:02:50,919 | How d'you know? | How d'you know? |
33 | 00:02:51,087 | 00:02:54,966 | Because I know what mine look like. I can see them now. | Because I know what mine look like. I can see them now. |
34 | 00:02:55,127 | 00:02:58,756 | Not the ones on your bum, you can't! It's off your bum. | Not the ones on your bum, you can't! It's off your bum. |
35 | 00:02:58,927 | 00:03:04,479 | I suppose you think being rude in the morning's a very trendy thing to do! | I suppose you think being rude in the morning's a very trendy thing to do! |
36 | 00:03:04,647 | 00:03:08,196 | - Well, it's not! - It's probably a hamster hair. | - Well, it's not! - It's probably a hamster hair. |
37 | 00:03:08,367 | 00:03:11,200 | He was getting whiffy so I gave him a going-over. | He was getting whiffy so I gave him a going-over. |
38 | 00:03:11,367 | 00:03:13,927 | And was I consulted, pally? | And was I consulted, pally? |
39 | 00:03:14,087 | 00:03:16,965 | Now I stink like a student's armpit! | Now I stink like a student's armpit! |
40 | 00:03:17,127 | 00:03:19,960 | It's common stealing, Vyvyan! | It's common stealing, Vyvyan! |
41 | 00:03:20,127 | 00:03:25,918 | And if you ever touch it again, ever, I'm going to the police. I will, you know! | And if you ever touch it again, ever, I'm going to the police. I will, you know! |
42 | 00:03:30,967 | 00:03:33,640 | Why is it always me that makes the tea? | Why is it always me that makes the tea? |
43 | 00:03:43,207 | 00:03:44,606 | Wow! | Wow! |
44 | 00:03:47,847 | 00:03:52,602 | It's as if the kettle's killed itself rather than be used by me! | It's as if the kettle's killed itself rather than be used by me! |
45 | 00:03:56,887 | 00:04:00,243 | Hey, Rick? Time is money, right? | Hey, Rick? Time is money, right? |
46 | 00:04:00,407 | 00:04:05,037 | Standin' on the landin' is a great song title but to me it's just a tax loss. | Standin' on the landin' is a great song title but to me it's just a tax loss. |
47 | 00:04:05,207 | 00:04:08,756 | So make space for the face that forced the abortion issue! | So make space for the face that forced the abortion issue! |
48 | 00:04:10,727 | 00:04:13,241 | - Good morning, Michael. - Morning. | - Good morning, Michael. - Morning. |
49 | 00:04:15,887 | 00:04:19,482 | It's incredible, isn't it, Mike, that although one goes to bed | It's incredible, isn't it, Mike, that although one goes to bed |
50 | 00:04:19,647 | 00:04:22,764 | apparently completely free of grit, | apparently completely free of grit, |
51 | 00:04:22,927 | 00:04:25,361 | when you get up, your bed's full of bits. | when you get up, your bed's full of bits. |
52 | 00:04:25,527 | 00:04:29,156 | I can't say. I can never see my undersheet for chicks. | I can't say. I can never see my undersheet for chicks. |
53 | 00:04:29,687 | 00:04:32,360 | Yeah, I have the same problem with fleas. | Yeah, I have the same problem with fleas. |
54 | 00:04:32,527 | 00:04:38,238 | You see, without my spectacles, fleas and bits are almost identical. | You see, without my spectacles, fleas and bits are almost identical. |
55 | 00:04:38,407 | 00:04:41,205 | Not that a flea's going to be wearing my spectacles. | Not that a flea's going to be wearing my spectacles. |
56 | 00:04:41,367 | 00:04:44,404 | - Nice one! The act's coming along! - Thanks, Mike! | - Nice one! The act's coming along! - Thanks, Mike! |
57 | 00:04:44,567 | 00:04:46,444 | Listen, Rick! | Listen, Rick! |
58 | 00:04:46,607 | 00:04:50,919 | If I wanted to stand around in corridors, I would've taken the train. | If I wanted to stand around in corridors, I would've taken the train. |
59 | 00:04:51,447 | 00:04:53,403 | Er, Mike, look... Morning. | Er, Mike, look... Morning. |
60 | 00:04:53,567 | 00:04:57,526 | I've got a lecture and my appearance at it is going to be important...! | I've got a lecture and my appearance at it is going to be important...! |
61 | 00:04:57,687 | 00:05:00,804 | - Rick, it's Saturday! - Is it? | - Rick, it's Saturday! - Is it? |
62 | 00:05:00,967 | 00:05:04,926 | The only lecture today is Mike's biology course. I've gotta scrub up. | The only lecture today is Mike's biology course. I've gotta scrub up. |
63 | 00:05:05,087 | 00:05:07,078 | I've got the bathroom rota here... | I've got the bathroom rota here... |
64 | 00:05:07,247 | 00:05:10,159 | Never mind that! Come 'ere. | Never mind that! Come 'ere. |
65 | 00:05:11,047 | 00:05:14,562 | - How do you get five elephants into a Mini? - Pardon? | - How do you get five elephants into a Mini? - Pardon? |
66 | 00:05:14,727 | 00:05:17,446 | You chop 'em in half, and chop 'em in half again, | You chop 'em in half, and chop 'em in half again, |
67 | 00:05:17,607 | 00:05:21,725 | and you slice them up finely, then you mash them and scoop 'em into bags, | and you slice them up finely, then you mash them and scoop 'em into bags, |
68 | 00:05:21,887 | 00:05:25,163 | put some in the boot, some on the back seat and the rest up front. | put some in the boot, some on the back seat and the rest up front. |
69 | 00:05:29,967 | 00:05:35,439 | If you wanted to talk, you should've said, if you wanted to let off steam. | If you wanted to talk, you should've said, if you wanted to let off steam. |
70 | 00:05:35,607 | 00:05:38,724 | (LAUGHS) Kettle! Let off steam! | (LAUGHS) Kettle! Let off steam! |
71 | 00:05:38,887 | 00:05:40,445 | Oh, sorry. | Oh, sorry. |
72 | 00:05:43,207 | 00:05:46,005 | Good morning, Neil. Tea ready yet? | Good morning, Neil. Tea ready yet? |
73 | 00:05:46,167 | 00:05:48,761 | Shh! The kettle's had a breakdown. | Shh! The kettle's had a breakdown. |
74 | 00:05:48,927 | 00:05:52,556 | Oh, no! Means we'll have to have raw tea again. | Oh, no! Means we'll have to have raw tea again. |
75 | 00:05:54,607 | 00:05:58,316 | Hey, Neil...do you want to see a great new trick? | Hey, Neil...do you want to see a great new trick? |
76 | 00:05:58,727 | 00:06:00,445 | Oh, yeah, all right, Vyv. | Oh, yeah, all right, Vyv. |
77 | 00:06:00,607 | 00:06:03,599 | - All you gotta do is stand over here. - Stand over there... | - All you gotta do is stand over here. - Stand over there... |
78 | 00:06:03,767 | 00:06:05,439 | Looking this way. | Looking this way. |
79 | 00:06:05,607 | 00:06:08,201 | - Close your eyes. - Close your eyes. OK. | - Close your eyes. - Close your eyes. OK. |
80 | 00:06:08,367 | 00:06:10,483 | - Got them closed? - Yeah! Ready! | - Got them closed? - Yeah! Ready! |
81 | 00:06:10,647 | 00:06:11,966 | (CLANG!) | (CLANG!) |
82 | 00:06:12,127 | 00:06:13,879 | Nice one... I get it! | Nice one... I get it! |
83 | 00:06:14,047 | 00:06:16,083 | My best friend told me that the other day. | My best friend told me that the other day. |
84 | 00:06:16,247 | 00:06:21,082 | - Better get the lentils on. - I laughed and laughed and laughed. | - Better get the lentils on. - I laughed and laughed and laughed. |
85 | 00:06:22,567 | 00:06:27,118 | I don't think I'm gonna be able to make breakfast without breaking all the plates. | I don't think I'm gonna be able to make breakfast without breaking all the plates. |
86 | 00:06:27,527 | 00:06:29,677 | Why's that, Neil? | Why's that, Neil? |
87 | 00:06:29,847 | 00:06:34,238 | The lentils are trapped behind this huge mound of teetering crockery. | The lentils are trapped behind this huge mound of teetering crockery. |
88 | 00:06:34,807 | 00:06:37,480 | What are we gonna do? | What are we gonna do? |
89 | 00:06:39,367 | 00:06:43,076 | I hope we get through to the back of the cupboard this time. | I hope we get through to the back of the cupboard this time. |
90 | 00:06:45,527 | 00:06:48,200 | Yeah, great, great, this one's it. | Yeah, great, great, this one's it. |
91 | 00:06:51,527 | 00:06:53,404 | Yeah. | Yeah. |
92 | 00:06:53,567 | 00:06:55,637 | Right. | Right. |
93 | 00:06:56,647 | 00:06:58,877 | Oh, no! | Oh, no! |
94 | 00:07:00,647 | 00:07:03,286 | Get a bowl! Oh, no! | Get a bowl! Oh, no! |
95 | 00:07:03,447 | 00:07:07,520 | Er, Neil! Neil, the lentils are dripping out all over the stairs. | Er, Neil! Neil, the lentils are dripping out all over the stairs. |
96 | 00:07:09,167 | 00:07:14,287 | Oh, no, it's full! Er, Vyv, can you get rid of that semolina? | Oh, no, it's full! Er, Vyv, can you get rid of that semolina? |
97 | 00:07:16,967 | 00:07:20,721 | - No, it was the bowl I wanted. - I didn't know. | - No, it was the bowl I wanted. - I didn't know. |
98 | 00:07:20,887 | 00:07:24,846 | - Er...get a bowl! - Get a bowl... | - Er...get a bowl! - Get a bowl... |
99 | 00:07:26,687 | 00:07:28,564 | Vyv! | Vyv! |
100 | 00:07:28,727 | 00:07:30,524 | - Vyv! - Yeah? | - Vyv! - Yeah? |
101 | 00:07:30,687 | 00:07:34,760 | Really quickly, OK? Really quickly. | Really quickly, OK? Really quickly. |
102 | 00:07:46,167 | 00:07:49,523 | - Here you are. - Oh, great. | - Here you are. - Oh, great. |
103 | 00:07:50,567 | 00:07:54,355 | Oh, this'll never go round. We'll have to have Cornflakes. | Oh, this'll never go round. We'll have to have Cornflakes. |
104 | 00:07:55,127 | 00:07:59,166 | Cornflakes for breakfast? That's disgusting, Neil! | Cornflakes for breakfast? That's disgusting, Neil! |
105 | 00:08:02,247 | 00:08:05,637 | 27 minutes in the bathroom and Mike looks fantastic. | 27 minutes in the bathroom and Mike looks fantastic. |
106 | 00:08:06,607 | 00:08:09,599 | Unlike the kitchen. Neil, what is this mess? | Unlike the kitchen. Neil, what is this mess? |
107 | 00:08:09,767 | 00:08:13,601 | Well, it's mostly lentils but there's some crockery mixed in. | Well, it's mostly lentils but there's some crockery mixed in. |
108 | 00:08:14,247 | 00:08:17,205 | Mike, there's a cup of tea in the pot. | Mike, there's a cup of tea in the pot. |
109 | 00:08:17,727 | 00:08:20,525 | Oh, yeah, oh, good one, Vyv, yeah (!) | Oh, yeah, oh, good one, Vyv, yeah (!) |
110 | 00:08:20,887 | 00:08:25,085 | He's only improvising, but Shakespeare could've written the script! | He's only improvising, but Shakespeare could've written the script! |
111 | 00:08:25,247 | 00:08:27,761 | That's not funny. I could do better! | That's not funny. I could do better! |
112 | 00:08:27,927 | 00:08:32,159 | - You're an expert on comedy suddenly? - Not suddenly, I just am. | - You're an expert on comedy suddenly? - Not suddenly, I just am. |
113 | 00:08:32,327 | 00:08:38,516 | It's strange that an expert on comedy is advertising tents on a Cornflakes packet. | It's strange that an expert on comedy is advertising tents on a Cornflakes packet. |
114 | 00:08:38,687 | 00:08:40,723 | Look, I'm gay. | Look, I'm gay. |
115 | 00:08:40,887 | 00:08:43,481 | - What? - Tent, camp, gay. | - What? - Tent, camp, gay. |
116 | 00:08:43,647 | 00:08:46,161 | You've got to admit it, that was funny. | You've got to admit it, that was funny. |
117 | 00:08:46,327 | 00:08:49,603 | I wish I'd had time for a crap before we started. | I wish I'd had time for a crap before we started. |
118 | 00:08:49,767 | 00:08:53,919 | - That's all you girls ever think of! - Shut up and keep smiling! | - That's all you girls ever think of! - Shut up and keep smiling! |
119 | 00:08:54,087 | 00:08:57,318 | - We're the ideal nuclear family. - Post-nuclear, more like! | - We're the ideal nuclear family. - Post-nuclear, more like! |
120 | 00:09:00,647 | 00:09:04,526 | Gotcha, Vyvyan! Using my ketchup on your Cornflakes! | Gotcha, Vyvyan! Using my ketchup on your Cornflakes! |
121 | 00:09:05,247 | 00:09:07,920 | I couldn't get any milk out of the fridge! | I couldn't get any milk out of the fridge! |
122 | 00:09:08,087 | 00:09:10,442 | What are you, a spassy? | What are you, a spassy? |
123 | 00:09:10,607 | 00:09:14,919 | No! There just happens to be an atom bomb in front of the door! | No! There just happens to be an atom bomb in front of the door! |
124 | 00:09:15,767 | 00:09:18,645 | That's the most pathetic excuse I've... | That's the most pathetic excuse I've... |
125 | 00:09:18,807 | 00:09:21,685 | WARDEN WALTERS! | WARDEN WALTERS! |
126 | 00:09:23,087 | 00:09:27,444 | - That's an atom bomb! - Oh, no! | - That's an atom bomb! - Oh, no! |
127 | 00:09:28,287 | 00:09:30,676 | It's the holocaust. | It's the holocaust. |
128 | 00:09:31,407 | 00:09:35,719 | World War Three! Heavy! What are we gonna do?! | World War Three! Heavy! What are we gonna do?! |
129 | 00:09:35,887 | 00:09:38,196 | - Mike! - Hey, turn on the telly! | - Mike! - Hey, turn on the telly! |
130 | 00:09:38,367 | 00:09:42,519 | - Yeah, we need information! - No, I want to see Afternoon Plus! | - Yeah, we need information! - No, I want to see Afternoon Plus! |
131 | 00:09:43,367 | 00:09:45,517 | (SOFT INSTRUMENTAL PLAYS) | (SOFT INSTRUMENTAL PLAYS) |
132 | 00:09:45,687 | 00:09:47,962 | (VYVYAN) Turn it over, then. | (VYVYAN) Turn it over, then. |
133 | 00:09:48,647 | 00:09:50,922 | (TURNS TV DIAL) | (TURNS TV DIAL) |
134 | 00:09:51,087 | 00:09:53,806 | - Try the other ones! - All right! | - Try the other ones! - All right! |
135 | 00:09:55,847 | 00:09:57,963 | (ALL SIGH) | (ALL SIGH) |
136 | 00:09:58,127 | 00:10:01,164 | (TURNS MUSIC DOWN) Absolutely pathetic! | (TURNS MUSIC DOWN) Absolutely pathetic! |
137 | 00:10:01,327 | 00:10:03,522 | There's nothing on at all! | There's nothing on at all! |
138 | 00:10:03,687 | 00:10:08,124 | - Don't know why we pay our licence! - We don't. | - Don't know why we pay our licence! - We don't. |
139 | 00:10:08,287 | 00:10:10,596 | - Haven't we got a licence? - No. | - Haven't we got a licence? - No. |
140 | 00:10:10,767 | 00:10:13,406 | But that makes me a criminal! | But that makes me a criminal! |
141 | 00:10:13,567 | 00:10:16,081 | Right on...! | Right on...! |
142 | 00:10:16,247 | 00:10:20,126 | This'll shake 'em up at the Anarchists' Society. | This'll shake 'em up at the Anarchists' Society. |
143 | 00:10:20,287 | 00:10:23,677 | Occupying the Refectory, so what?! | Occupying the Refectory, so what?! |
144 | 00:10:23,847 | 00:10:26,042 | This is the real stuff! | This is the real stuff! |
145 | 00:10:26,207 | 00:10:29,643 | I'm a fugitive! A desperado! | I'm a fugitive! A desperado! |
146 | 00:10:29,807 | 00:10:33,083 | I'm gonna form a new Union society, with me as president - | I'm gonna form a new Union society, with me as president - |
147 | 00:10:33,247 | 00:10:37,638 | People who Don't Pay their TV Licences Against the Nazis! | People who Don't Pay their TV Licences Against the Nazis! |
148 | 00:10:38,207 | 00:10:40,163 | This is only the beginning! | This is only the beginning! |
149 | 00:10:40,327 | 00:10:42,557 | What are you gonna do, burn your bra? | What are you gonna do, burn your bra? |
150 | 00:10:44,247 | 00:10:50,197 | Well, someone's got to do it. It's very easy to sit on your backside, isn't it? | Well, someone's got to do it. It's very easy to sit on your backside, isn't it? |
151 | 00:10:50,367 | 00:10:53,006 | Not if you haven't got a bottom. | Not if you haven't got a bottom. |
152 | 00:10:53,167 | 00:10:54,805 | (FRONT DOORBELL) | (FRONT DOORBELL) |
153 | 00:10:54,967 | 00:10:57,356 | That'll be the front doorbell ringing. | That'll be the front doorbell ringing. |
154 | 00:10:57,527 | 00:11:00,360 | I bet I know who's got to answer it. | I bet I know who's got to answer it. |
155 | 00:11:00,527 | 00:11:03,041 | But Neil, you like meeting people! | But Neil, you like meeting people! |
156 | 00:11:05,807 | 00:11:10,597 | If I had a penny for every time I had to answer the door...I'd have �5.63. | If I had a penny for every time I had to answer the door...I'd have �5.63. |
157 | 00:11:14,287 | 00:11:17,643 | It's probably someone unbelievably boring. | It's probably someone unbelievably boring. |
158 | 00:11:17,807 | 00:11:21,436 | (NEIL) Oh, no! It's the TV detector van! | (NEIL) Oh, no! It's the TV detector van! |
159 | 00:11:22,287 | 00:11:24,596 | MIKE, YOU BASTARD! | MIKE, YOU BASTARD! |
160 | 00:11:24,767 | 00:11:28,919 | Why didn't you buy a licence? I can't go to prison, I'm too pretty, I'll get raped! | Why didn't you buy a licence? I can't go to prison, I'm too pretty, I'll get raped! |
161 | 00:11:29,087 | 00:11:33,524 | Yeah, steady on, we're not beaten yet. The time has come for diplomacy. | Yeah, steady on, we're not beaten yet. The time has come for diplomacy. |
162 | 00:11:33,687 | 00:11:38,317 | (NEIL) Oh, no, he's asked me if we've got a telly! I think I'm gonna have to lie! | (NEIL) Oh, no, he's asked me if we've got a telly! I think I'm gonna have to lie! |
163 | 00:11:39,407 | 00:11:43,878 | (NEIL) What a bummer! - The time for diplomacy is over. Vyv... | (NEIL) What a bummer! - The time for diplomacy is over. Vyv... |
164 | 00:11:44,407 | 00:11:48,116 | - Chuck the telly out the window. - Quickly! Quickly! | - Chuck the telly out the window. - Quickly! Quickly! |
165 | 00:11:51,727 | 00:11:53,843 | That, I did not expect. | That, I did not expect. |
166 | 00:11:54,007 | 00:11:56,123 | Why don't we sneak it out past him? | Why don't we sneak it out past him? |
167 | 00:11:56,287 | 00:11:58,164 | YES! YES! YES! | YES! YES! YES! |
168 | 00:11:58,327 | 00:12:02,479 | Mike, run out into the street and say, ''Look at that thing up there!'' | Mike, run out into the street and say, ''Look at that thing up there!'' |
169 | 00:12:02,647 | 00:12:06,083 | You disguise the TV as an old woman and sneak it past him! | You disguise the TV as an old woman and sneak it past him! |
170 | 00:12:06,247 | 00:12:09,125 | Suicide is a great hobby but it's not a living. | Suicide is a great hobby but it's not a living. |
171 | 00:12:09,287 | 00:12:12,916 | (NEIL) Lads! I've told him we haven't got a telly | (NEIL) Lads! I've told him we haven't got a telly |
172 | 00:12:13,087 | 00:12:17,877 | and I think that's thrown him a bit but, er, it won't hold him forever! | and I think that's thrown him a bit but, er, it won't hold him forever! |
173 | 00:12:18,047 | 00:12:19,844 | Good thinking, keep it up! | Good thinking, keep it up! |
174 | 00:12:20,007 | 00:12:23,204 | This is a tricky spot but Mike the cool person will squeeze it. | This is a tricky spot but Mike the cool person will squeeze it. |
175 | 00:12:23,367 | 00:12:27,155 | - Stop crying. - I've just got something in my eye. | - Stop crying. - I've just got something in my eye. |
176 | 00:12:27,327 | 00:12:29,966 | Vyv...eat the telly! | Vyv...eat the telly! |
177 | 00:12:31,887 | 00:12:34,720 | That's a completely brilliant idea! | That's a completely brilliant idea! |
178 | 00:12:34,887 | 00:12:37,560 | I've been wanting to do this for a while! | I've been wanting to do this for a while! |
179 | 00:12:39,487 | 00:12:43,002 | ''It was the other three, not me. | ''It was the other three, not me. |
180 | 00:12:43,167 | 00:12:47,957 | ''I had no idea what was going on. It really was the other three.'' | ''I had no idea what was going on. It really was the other three.'' |
181 | 00:12:48,127 | 00:12:50,163 | All right, don't rush me. | All right, don't rush me. |
182 | 00:12:50,327 | 00:12:55,162 | It's not an easy question to answer - have I got a telly? | It's not an easy question to answer - have I got a telly? |
183 | 00:12:55,327 | 00:13:00,526 | There could be a number of different replies. I need time to think one up. | There could be a number of different replies. I need time to think one up. |
184 | 00:13:00,687 | 00:13:04,282 | We know you've got one! We detected it! | We know you've got one! We detected it! |
185 | 00:13:04,447 | 00:13:08,884 | Oh. So you've just been playing with me? | Oh. So you've just been playing with me? |
186 | 00:13:09,047 | 00:13:11,515 | It's better than playing with yourself. | It's better than playing with yourself. |
187 | 00:13:11,687 | 00:13:15,043 | Ho, ho, cheap sexual allusion. Makes the world go round. | Ho, ho, cheap sexual allusion. Makes the world go round. |
188 | 00:13:15,207 | 00:13:17,721 | Neil, you haven't introduced us. | Neil, you haven't introduced us. |
189 | 00:13:17,887 | 00:13:19,878 | Bastard's the name. | Bastard's the name. |
190 | 00:13:20,047 | 00:13:24,643 | But you can call me Right Bleeding. All my friends do. Well, did. | But you can call me Right Bleeding. All my friends do. Well, did. |
191 | 00:13:24,807 | 00:13:27,401 | - How come? - I killed him. Where's your licence? | - How come? - I killed him. Where's your licence? |
192 | 00:13:27,567 | 00:13:31,355 | As the eunuch said to Mussolini, even if had one, I wouldn't show it to you. | As the eunuch said to Mussolini, even if had one, I wouldn't show it to you. |
193 | 00:13:31,527 | 00:13:34,803 | - That was a cheap joke. - I'm saving up for the fine. | - That was a cheap joke. - I'm saving up for the fine. |
194 | 00:13:34,967 | 00:13:38,118 | - Haven't you got a plan? - I can't resist a challenge. | - Haven't you got a plan? - I can't resist a challenge. |
195 | 00:13:38,287 | 00:13:41,836 | I haven't got a plan. I hope someone's taking this down. | I haven't got a plan. I hope someone's taking this down. |
196 | 00:13:42,007 | 00:13:44,123 | Right! Where's this telly? | Right! Where's this telly? |
197 | 00:13:46,007 | 00:13:50,717 | A-ha! So you do have one! | A-ha! So you do have one! |
198 | 00:13:50,887 | 00:13:55,278 | - You little runt! - Hello. | - You little runt! - Hello. |
199 | 00:13:55,967 | 00:14:02,361 | The old trick, eh? Eat the telly before I get a chance to nick you! | The old trick, eh? Eat the telly before I get a chance to nick you! |
200 | 00:14:04,047 | 00:14:06,720 | It's a toaster. | It's a toaster. |
201 | 00:14:07,607 | 00:14:10,599 | It's a telly, you yobbo! | It's a telly, you yobbo! |
202 | 00:14:10,767 | 00:14:15,158 | - Give it back! I wanna nick yer! - Mr Bastard! OK! | - Give it back! I wanna nick yer! - Mr Bastard! OK! |
203 | 00:14:15,327 | 00:14:19,639 | Now, toaster or telly, the contents of my colleague's stomach are private. | Now, toaster or telly, the contents of my colleague's stomach are private. |
204 | 00:14:19,807 | 00:14:22,685 | And if they get damaged, we sue! | And if they get damaged, we sue! |
205 | 00:14:22,847 | 00:14:27,637 | Well, I can wait! I've dealt with your sort before! | Well, I can wait! I've dealt with your sort before! |
206 | 00:14:28,567 | 00:14:33,687 | - Where's your toilet? - Upstairs. Just follow your nose. | - Where's your toilet? - Upstairs. Just follow your nose. |
207 | 00:14:34,967 | 00:14:37,845 | That's right! Tell the fascist where our toilet is! | That's right! Tell the fascist where our toilet is! |
208 | 00:14:39,407 | 00:14:44,606 | I'm going up there now to wait. I know how to wait! | I'm going up there now to wait. I know how to wait! |
209 | 00:14:44,767 | 00:14:46,678 | I promise you, son. | I promise you, son. |
210 | 00:14:46,847 | 00:14:50,476 | When that telly comes out the other end, | When that telly comes out the other end, |
211 | 00:14:50,647 | 00:14:52,956 | you're nicked! | you're nicked! |
212 | 00:15:08,207 | 00:15:11,677 | It's all right. I always poo before I get up. | It's all right. I always poo before I get up. |
213 | 00:15:15,567 | 00:15:18,400 | Dear, oh dear, what a boring man! | Dear, oh dear, what a boring man! |
214 | 00:15:18,567 | 00:15:21,559 | That was really heavy, Rick! | That was really heavy, Rick! |
215 | 00:15:21,727 | 00:15:25,925 | What's this? ''It was the other three, not me...'' | What's this? ''It was the other three, not me...'' |
216 | 00:15:26,087 | 00:15:31,036 | Give me that! Oh, very nice, trying to blame us three and save yourself! | Give me that! Oh, very nice, trying to blame us three and save yourself! |
217 | 00:15:32,407 | 00:15:35,001 | It's all right, I'll tear it up! Disgusting! | It's all right, I'll tear it up! Disgusting! |
218 | 00:15:37,847 | 00:15:39,519 | Ha ha ha ha! | Ha ha ha ha! |
219 | 00:15:52,647 | 00:15:55,764 | You bastard! I think it's the toaster for you! | You bastard! I think it's the toaster for you! |
220 | 00:15:58,247 | 00:16:00,283 | Burn! | Burn! |
221 | 00:16:03,287 | 00:16:05,278 | Brilliant! | Brilliant! |
222 | 00:16:06,247 | 00:16:07,566 | (HISSING) | (HISSING) |
223 | 00:16:17,807 | 00:16:22,198 | Amazing! The most crazy things happen in this nutty place! | Amazing! The most crazy things happen in this nutty place! |
224 | 00:16:22,367 | 00:16:25,643 | Sometimes, I really wish I was a fly on the wall. | Sometimes, I really wish I was a fly on the wall. |
225 | 00:16:25,807 | 00:16:28,958 | I would too, if I wasn't one already. | I would too, if I wasn't one already. |
226 | 00:16:29,127 | 00:16:31,516 | Oh, who are you? | Oh, who are you? |
227 | 00:16:31,687 | 00:16:36,363 | We're just the fly-on-the-wall documentary film crew, OK, luv? | We're just the fly-on-the-wall documentary film crew, OK, luv? |
228 | 00:16:36,527 | 00:16:41,885 | We're making a film about what it's really like to be a fly on the wall. | We're making a film about what it's really like to be a fly on the wall. |
229 | 00:16:42,047 | 00:16:45,596 | The best thing is if you imagine we're not here. | The best thing is if you imagine we're not here. |
230 | 00:16:45,767 | 00:16:48,327 | Carry on with your normal business. | Carry on with your normal business. |
231 | 00:16:48,487 | 00:16:50,921 | And, cue question markers. | And, cue question markers. |
232 | 00:16:51,087 | 00:16:53,647 | What's it like being a fly on the wall? | What's it like being a fly on the wall? |
233 | 00:16:53,807 | 00:16:58,358 | Oh, er, well...it's over-rated. | Oh, er, well...it's over-rated. |
234 | 00:16:58,527 | 00:17:00,961 | I'll tell you something really dirty... | I'll tell you something really dirty... |
235 | 00:17:02,607 | 00:17:04,563 | (SCREAMING) | (SCREAMING) |
236 | 00:17:06,687 | 00:17:10,805 | Pesky little things. Why do you always let so many flies in here, Neil?! | Pesky little things. Why do you always let so many flies in here, Neil?! |
237 | 00:17:10,967 | 00:17:14,755 | Never mind about that. We should do something about this bomb. | Never mind about that. We should do something about this bomb. |
238 | 00:17:15,887 | 00:17:21,439 | I'm going to get the incredibly helpful Protect and Survive Manual. | I'm going to get the incredibly helpful Protect and Survive Manual. |
239 | 00:17:21,607 | 00:17:24,804 | Nobody better touch this while I'm gone. | Nobody better touch this while I'm gone. |
240 | 00:17:30,167 | 00:17:33,045 | Why won't it go off, Mike? | Why won't it go off, Mike? |
241 | 00:17:35,287 | 00:17:38,006 | - Why do you want it to? - Who can tell? | - Why do you want it to? - Who can tell? |
242 | 00:17:38,167 | 00:17:43,002 | - I'm telling you to stop! - Ignore him, he's trying to show off. | - I'm telling you to stop! - Ignore him, he's trying to show off. |
243 | 00:17:44,367 | 00:17:46,835 | If we took this baby to the greengrocers, | If we took this baby to the greengrocers, |
244 | 00:17:47,007 | 00:17:49,726 | we'd leave with more than a packet of tea. | we'd leave with more than a packet of tea. |
245 | 00:17:50,487 | 00:17:53,684 | Are you suggesting we make a profit out of nuclear arms? | Are you suggesting we make a profit out of nuclear arms? |
246 | 00:17:53,847 | 00:17:55,166 | Yes. | Yes. |
247 | 00:17:55,327 | 00:17:58,956 | That would be fine behaviour for a Cliff Richard fan! | That would be fine behaviour for a Cliff Richard fan! |
248 | 00:17:59,887 | 00:18:03,357 | For someone who thinks the lyrics of Devil Woman have something to say! | For someone who thinks the lyrics of Devil Woman have something to say! |
249 | 00:18:05,447 | 00:18:08,041 | If we sold this, you could buy Cliff Richard! | If we sold this, you could buy Cliff Richard! |
250 | 00:18:09,087 | 00:18:11,760 | Vyvyan, will you stop it! | Vyvyan, will you stop it! |
251 | 00:18:15,407 | 00:18:18,877 | What I need is the drill, the hedge-trimmers | What I need is the drill, the hedge-trimmers |
252 | 00:18:19,047 | 00:18:22,244 | and some ordinary household bleach. | and some ordinary household bleach. |
253 | 00:18:25,407 | 00:18:28,160 | I'm gonna tell Thatcher we've got a bomb | I'm gonna tell Thatcher we've got a bomb |
254 | 00:18:28,327 | 00:18:32,559 | and if she doesn't do something to help the kids by this afternoon... | and if she doesn't do something to help the kids by this afternoon... |
255 | 00:18:32,727 | 00:18:34,763 | we're going to blow up England. | we're going to blow up England. |
256 | 00:18:34,927 | 00:18:38,078 | A social conscience is like a garden shed - | A social conscience is like a garden shed - |
257 | 00:18:38,247 | 00:18:41,000 | you try and eat it, it'll stick in your throat. | you try and eat it, it'll stick in your throat. |
258 | 00:18:41,487 | 00:18:45,924 | Point one - abolish poverty. Point two - abolish capitalism. | Point one - abolish poverty. Point two - abolish capitalism. |
259 | 00:18:46,087 | 00:18:50,877 | Point three - Dexys Midnight Runners playing free daily in the university. | Point three - Dexys Midnight Runners playing free daily in the university. |
260 | 00:18:51,047 | 00:18:52,878 | I told 'em to set up in the loo. | I told 'em to set up in the loo. |
261 | 00:18:53,047 | 00:18:55,686 | # Da-da-da-da-da da-da-da-da-doo | # Da-da-da-da-da da-da-da-da-doo |
262 | 00:18:55,847 | 00:18:58,805 | # Da-da-da-da-da da-da-da-da-doo | # Da-da-da-da-da da-da-da-da-doo |
263 | 00:18:58,967 | 00:19:01,959 | # Da-da-da-da-da da-da-da-da-doo | # Da-da-da-da-da da-da-da-da-doo |
264 | 00:19:02,127 | 00:19:04,846 | # Da-da-da-da-da da-da-da-da-doo | # Da-da-da-da-da da-da-da-da-doo |
265 | 00:19:05,007 | 00:19:08,079 | # Jackie Wilson said it was reet petite | # Jackie Wilson said it was reet petite |
266 | 00:19:08,247 | 00:19:11,239 | # I kind of love you, babe, It knocks me off my feet | # I kind of love you, babe, It knocks me off my feet |
267 | 00:19:11,407 | 00:19:13,841 | # Let it all come down | # Let it all come down |
268 | 00:19:14,007 | 00:19:15,838 | # Oh, let it all come down | # Oh, let it all come down |
269 | 00:19:17,287 | 00:19:20,836 | # And you know, I'm so wired up | # And you know, I'm so wired up |
270 | 00:19:21,007 | 00:19:23,601 | # I don't need any more tea in my cup | # I don't need any more tea in my cup |
271 | 00:19:23,767 | 00:19:25,405 | # Let it all come down | # Let it all come down |
272 | 00:19:26,607 | 00:19:28,563 | # Oh, let it all come down | # Oh, let it all come down |
273 | 00:19:28,727 | 00:19:30,558 | Watch this. | Watch this. |
274 | 00:19:31,047 | 00:19:34,119 | # Toodle langa langa toodle langa I'm in heaven | # Toodle langa langa toodle langa I'm in heaven |
275 | 00:19:34,287 | 00:19:37,324 | # Toodle langa langa toodle langa I'm in heaven | # Toodle langa langa toodle langa I'm in heaven |
276 | 00:19:37,487 | 00:19:40,240 | # Toodle langa langa toodle langa langa | # Toodle langa langa toodle langa langa |
277 | 00:19:42,247 | 00:19:44,522 | # I'm in heaven | # I'm in heaven |
278 | 00:19:45,487 | 00:19:48,240 | # I'm in heaven | # I'm in heaven |
279 | 00:19:49,167 | 00:19:51,476 | # I'm in heaven | # I'm in heaven |
280 | 00:19:52,407 | 00:19:55,001 | # I'm in heaven | # I'm in heaven |
281 | 00:19:55,527 | 00:19:58,678 | # When you smile, when you smile | # When you smile, when you smile |
282 | 00:19:58,847 | 00:20:02,078 | # When you smile, when you smile | # When you smile, when you smile |
283 | 00:20:02,247 | 00:20:05,398 | # And when you walk across that street | # And when you walk across that street |
284 | 00:20:05,567 | 00:20:09,082 | # It makes my heart go boom, boom, boom, boom | # It makes my heart go boom, boom, boom, boom |
285 | 00:20:15,127 | 00:20:18,403 | # Every time I stop to think about it, | # Every time I stop to think about it, |
286 | 00:20:18,567 | 00:20:21,764 | # Well, little child, you simply make my day | # Well, little child, you simply make my day |
287 | 00:20:21,927 | 00:20:23,246 | # Let it all come down | # Let it all come down |
288 | 00:20:24,367 | 00:20:27,165 | # Oh, let it all come down - watch this | # Oh, let it all come down - watch this |
289 | 00:20:28,727 | 00:20:31,878 | # Toodle langa langa toodle langa I'm in heaven | # Toodle langa langa toodle langa I'm in heaven |
290 | 00:20:32,047 | 00:20:35,164 | # Toodle langa langa toodle langa I'm in heaven | # Toodle langa langa toodle langa I'm in heaven |
291 | 00:20:35,327 | 00:20:38,842 | # Toodle langa langa toodle langa langa | # Toodle langa langa toodle langa langa |
292 | 00:20:40,407 | 00:20:42,762 | # I'm in heaven | # I'm in heaven |
293 | 00:20:43,687 | 00:20:46,884 | # I'm in heaven | # I'm in heaven |
294 | 00:20:47,047 | 00:20:49,402 | # I'm in heaven | # I'm in heaven |
295 | 00:20:50,247 | 00:20:52,886 | # I'm in heaven | # I'm in heaven |
296 | 00:20:53,527 | 00:20:56,678 | # When you smile, when you smile | # When you smile, when you smile |
297 | 00:20:56,847 | 00:20:59,680 | # I'm in heaven | # I'm in heaven |
298 | 00:20:59,847 | 00:21:02,645 | # I'm in heaven | # I'm in heaven |
299 | 00:21:02,807 | 00:21:05,799 | # I'm in heaven | # I'm in heaven |
300 | 00:21:05,967 | 00:21:09,482 | # When you smile, when you smile # | # When you smile, when you smile # |
301 | 00:21:28,127 | 00:21:30,766 | Why won't you let me set off the bomb, you bastards? | Why won't you let me set off the bomb, you bastards? |
302 | 00:21:33,447 | 00:21:35,881 | No, operator, Gaddafi. | No, operator, Gaddafi. |
303 | 00:21:38,007 | 00:21:43,081 | G-A-D...yeah, all right, all right, I'll hang on. | G-A-D...yeah, all right, all right, I'll hang on. |
304 | 00:21:43,247 | 00:21:45,886 | Thatcher, Thatcher... | Thatcher, Thatcher... |
305 | 00:21:48,887 | 00:21:50,525 | Thatcher! | Thatcher! |
306 | 00:21:50,687 | 00:21:53,679 | Typical! She's got about 400 different phone numbers! | Typical! She's got about 400 different phone numbers! |
307 | 00:21:53,847 | 00:21:55,519 | Useless! | Useless! |
308 | 00:21:57,167 | 00:22:00,364 | Are you gonna be long? I want to start blackmailing Thatcher. | Are you gonna be long? I want to start blackmailing Thatcher. |
309 | 00:22:00,527 | 00:22:04,918 | This is going to be bigger than the biggest thing you can think of. | This is going to be bigger than the biggest thing you can think of. |
310 | 00:22:06,407 | 00:22:09,479 | I notice you haven't written the call down in the book. | I notice you haven't written the call down in the book. |
311 | 00:22:10,127 | 00:22:12,402 | That's interesting, isn't it? | That's interesting, isn't it? |
312 | 00:22:12,767 | 00:22:17,966 | This book is for writing down the calls we make. | This book is for writing down the calls we make. |
313 | 00:22:18,127 | 00:22:22,996 | I suppose you forgot? How many other times did you conveniently forget? | I suppose you forgot? How many other times did you conveniently forget? |
314 | 00:22:23,407 | 00:22:27,400 | Rick, what are you on about, this is a payphone! | Rick, what are you on about, this is a payphone! |
315 | 00:22:29,007 | 00:22:32,158 | Well, yes, but it's the principle of the thing... | Well, yes, but it's the principle of the thing... |
316 | 00:22:32,327 | 00:22:34,238 | Look at that. | Look at that. |
317 | 00:22:34,407 | 00:22:37,717 | What do you mean you haven't got the Libyan phone book? | What do you mean you haven't got the Libyan phone book? |
318 | 00:22:38,247 | 00:22:39,566 | You're sick! | You're sick! |
319 | 00:22:39,727 | 00:22:42,366 | If people weren't sick, we wouldn't need penicillin. | If people weren't sick, we wouldn't need penicillin. |
320 | 00:22:43,687 | 00:22:45,962 | I'm going to the phone box... | I'm going to the phone box... |
321 | 00:22:50,287 | 00:22:52,437 | Neil, could you lend me five... What are you doing? | Neil, could you lend me five... What are you doing? |
322 | 00:22:52,607 | 00:22:55,599 | Painting myself white to deflect the blast. | Painting myself white to deflect the blast. |
323 | 00:22:58,047 | 00:23:01,198 | That's great, isn't it? | That's great, isn't it? |
324 | 00:23:01,367 | 00:23:05,406 | Racial discrimination, even in death! | Racial discrimination, even in death! |
325 | 00:23:05,567 | 00:23:08,923 | - What are these? - Sandbags | - What are these? - Sandbags |
326 | 00:23:10,607 | 00:23:15,681 | - Give me 5p, Neil. - Oh, you remember my name now! | - Give me 5p, Neil. - Oh, you remember my name now! |
327 | 00:23:15,847 | 00:23:18,407 | Give me it! | Give me it! |
328 | 00:23:19,647 | 00:23:22,719 | Have you got two 2s and a 1? | Have you got two 2s and a 1? |
329 | 00:23:23,847 | 00:23:28,477 | - Er, no, I haven't - How do I know I'll get it back? | - Er, no, I haven't - How do I know I'll get it back? |
330 | 00:23:28,647 | 00:23:33,277 | I don't wanna seem like a really heavy bread head... | I don't wanna seem like a really heavy bread head... |
331 | 00:23:33,447 | 00:23:36,598 | But, like...5p is 5p. | But, like...5p is 5p. |
332 | 00:23:36,767 | 00:23:39,440 | It's important to me, that's enough! | It's important to me, that's enough! |
333 | 00:23:39,607 | 00:23:45,079 | You're putting me in a difficult situation. I'd like to... | You're putting me in a difficult situation. I'd like to... |
334 | 00:23:45,607 | 00:23:47,916 | All right, Neil, shut up. | All right, Neil, shut up. |
335 | 00:23:48,767 | 00:23:53,522 | Will you lend it to me...if I promise to be your slave tomorrow? | Will you lend it to me...if I promise to be your slave tomorrow? |
336 | 00:23:54,047 | 00:23:56,607 | Yeah, that sounds like a good deal. | Yeah, that sounds like a good deal. |
337 | 00:23:57,207 | 00:23:59,675 | Tough luck, buster! | Tough luck, buster! |
338 | 00:24:01,167 | 00:24:05,683 | I had my fingers crossed behind my back! | I had my fingers crossed behind my back! |
339 | 00:24:06,927 | 00:24:10,636 | I won't say anything 'cause no one listens to me. | I won't say anything 'cause no one listens to me. |
340 | 00:24:10,807 | 00:24:14,402 | I might as well be a Leonard Cohen record. | I might as well be a Leonard Cohen record. |
341 | 00:24:20,527 | 00:24:24,315 | You're sending someone round? Right. | You're sending someone round? Right. |
342 | 00:24:26,647 | 00:24:28,842 | - All right? - Reggie Balowski! | - All right? - Reggie Balowski! |
343 | 00:24:29,007 | 00:24:31,646 | All right, me old trout and toolbox? | All right, me old trout and toolbox? |
344 | 00:24:31,807 | 00:24:38,042 | Reggie Balowski, arms dealer, scrap merchant and cabaret chanteuse. | Reggie Balowski, arms dealer, scrap merchant and cabaret chanteuse. |
345 | 00:24:38,927 | 00:24:42,203 | Is that the atom bomb, eh? | Is that the atom bomb, eh? |
346 | 00:24:42,367 | 00:24:44,562 | Ooh, nah! | Ooh, nah! |
347 | 00:24:45,007 | 00:24:48,363 | Not in that colour, know what I mean? | Not in that colour, know what I mean? |
348 | 00:24:49,007 | 00:24:52,079 | To me, that's worth a pony, y'know. | To me, that's worth a pony, y'know. |
349 | 00:24:52,247 | 00:24:55,125 | Coupla tortoises at the most. | Coupla tortoises at the most. |
350 | 00:24:55,287 | 00:24:59,917 | If you was doin' part-ex on a Mini Metro... | If you was doin' part-ex on a Mini Metro... |
351 | 00:25:00,087 | 00:25:05,161 | I'd take about nine million off yer 'ands but I can't help you. | I'd take about nine million off yer 'ands but I can't help you. |
352 | 00:25:05,327 | 00:25:08,558 | I got a few minutes, might as well indulge in a bit of Cockney patois. | I got a few minutes, might as well indulge in a bit of Cockney patois. |
353 | 00:25:08,727 | 00:25:12,322 | Cor blimey, knock it on the 'ead, do what, as it 'appens! | Cor blimey, knock it on the 'ead, do what, as it 'appens! |
354 | 00:25:12,487 | 00:25:18,039 | Terrific! 'Ere, didn't you kill my brother? Nah, must've been me, then, sorry. | Terrific! 'Ere, didn't you kill my brother? Nah, must've been me, then, sorry. |
355 | 00:25:18,207 | 00:25:24,282 | Seen them inflatable bridges? Amazing! Skateboards, thing of the past! | Seen them inflatable bridges? Amazing! Skateboards, thing of the past! |
356 | 00:25:24,447 | 00:25:28,360 | Do leave off, knock it on the 'ead, I don't know who I am! | Do leave off, knock it on the 'ead, I don't know who I am! |
357 | 00:25:28,527 | 00:25:31,758 | Laugh? I nearly went to Ethiopia! | Laugh? I nearly went to Ethiopia! |
358 | 00:25:32,327 | 00:25:36,081 | Second-class, of course! Know what I mean? | Second-class, of course! Know what I mean? |
359 | 00:25:36,247 | 00:25:38,238 | Not really, no. | Not really, no. |
360 | 00:25:38,407 | 00:25:41,205 | You're a right little five-speed gearbox! | You're a right little five-speed gearbox! |
361 | 00:25:41,367 | 00:25:47,044 | Tell you what, come outside, I'll do you part-ex on a Reliant. | Tell you what, come outside, I'll do you part-ex on a Reliant. |
362 | 00:25:47,207 | 00:25:51,598 | All right, I'll just get me coat. That's a three-wheeler, innit? | All right, I'll just get me coat. That's a three-wheeler, innit? |
363 | 00:25:51,767 | 00:25:54,201 | (REGGIE) Usually, yeah, yeah. | (REGGIE) Usually, yeah, yeah. |
364 | 00:26:07,367 | 00:26:10,325 | You know who'll get blamed for this? The kids! | You know who'll get blamed for this? The kids! |
365 | 00:26:10,487 | 00:26:13,365 | Good! That'll stop them raping old ladies! | Good! That'll stop them raping old ladies! |
366 | 00:26:18,407 | 00:26:20,284 | Oh, hi, there! | Oh, hi, there! |
367 | 00:26:20,447 | 00:26:22,324 | Glad you could make it. | Glad you could make it. |
368 | 00:26:22,487 | 00:26:26,036 | I'll be with you in just one moment. | I'll be with you in just one moment. |
369 | 00:26:28,687 | 00:26:30,757 | (LOUD CANNED LAUGHTER) | (LOUD CANNED LAUGHTER) |
370 | 00:26:30,927 | 00:26:35,717 | Oh, darn, you should've been here earlier! I holed in one! | Oh, darn, you should've been here earlier! I holed in one! |
371 | 00:26:36,327 | 00:26:40,764 | Mind you, I was playing pinball in the clubhouse! | Mind you, I was playing pinball in the clubhouse! |
372 | 00:26:40,927 | 00:26:42,326 | (CANNED LAUGHTER) | (CANNED LAUGHTER) |
373 | 00:26:42,487 | 00:26:47,242 | - You see where my ball went? - Oh, here comes trouble! | - You see where my ball went? - Oh, here comes trouble! |
374 | 00:26:48,687 | 00:26:51,918 | Chinese food, huh? Hey, Dino! | Chinese food, huh? Hey, Dino! |
375 | 00:26:52,087 | 00:26:53,805 | Dicky! | Dicky! |
376 | 00:26:54,607 | 00:26:57,280 | I haven't seen this guy since rehearsal! | I haven't seen this guy since rehearsal! |
377 | 00:26:57,447 | 00:27:00,962 | Hey, I didn't know you'd taken up golf! | Hey, I didn't know you'd taken up golf! |
378 | 00:27:01,127 | 00:27:02,765 | My coach says I haven't. | My coach says I haven't. |
379 | 00:27:03,687 | 00:27:08,283 | - Yet! - You got a coach? Frank, pull me up! | - Yet! - You got a coach? Frank, pull me up! |
380 | 00:27:09,687 | 00:27:13,236 | Oh, come on, Dickie, are we gonna play golf or who? | Oh, come on, Dickie, are we gonna play golf or who? |
381 | 00:27:13,407 | 00:27:17,719 | Hey, sieg heil! Hey, Marsha, take a hike! | Hey, sieg heil! Hey, Marsha, take a hike! |
382 | 00:27:18,047 | 00:27:20,720 | I gotta tell you this, Dickie... | I gotta tell you this, Dickie... |
383 | 00:27:20,887 | 00:27:24,084 | I was with Bob and Frank the other day... | I was with Bob and Frank the other day... |
384 | 00:27:24,247 | 00:27:29,241 | - I got a birdie on the 14th. - Well, why, Dino that's terrific! | - I got a birdie on the 14th. - Well, why, Dino that's terrific! |
385 | 00:27:29,407 | 00:27:32,877 | Yeah. But I was driving for the tenth! | Yeah. But I was driving for the tenth! |
386 | 00:27:34,127 | 00:27:37,915 | Remember that song you used to sing before you got shot in the neck? | Remember that song you used to sing before you got shot in the neck? |
387 | 00:27:38,087 | 00:27:42,160 | You wanna sing that here, on my show? | You wanna sing that here, on my show? |
388 | 00:27:42,327 | 00:27:45,637 | Dino, I'd love to but...I never sing in slacks. | Dino, I'd love to but...I never sing in slacks. |
389 | 00:27:45,807 | 00:27:49,766 | No problem. With a little Dino magic... | No problem. With a little Dino magic... |
390 | 00:27:55,847 | 00:27:58,156 | How does he do that? | How does he do that? |
391 | 00:28:13,447 | 00:28:16,120 | Hey, Dino, I understand you have a dog. | Hey, Dino, I understand you have a dog. |
392 | 00:28:16,287 | 00:28:20,075 | - That is right. - What do you do with him these days? | - That is right. - What do you do with him these days? |
393 | 00:28:20,247 | 00:28:24,160 | # I'm tyin' my dog to the railroad track | # I'm tyin' my dog to the railroad track |
394 | 00:28:24,327 | 00:28:27,763 | # Choo-choo train's gonna break his back | # Choo-choo train's gonna break his back |
395 | 00:28:27,927 | 00:28:32,125 | - # We used to call him Spot - # Ye-heh but now he's called Splat! | - # We used to call him Spot - # Ye-heh but now he's called Splat! |
396 | 00:28:32,287 | 00:28:35,996 | # That's the kind of person we are | # That's the kind of person we are |
397 | 00:28:36,167 | 00:28:40,843 | # Oh, baby, won't ya come home with me? # | # Oh, baby, won't ya come home with me? # |
398 | 00:28:44,047 | 00:28:46,481 | (APPLAUSE) | (APPLAUSE) |
399 | 00:28:54,047 | 00:28:56,402 | (RECEPTIONIST) Next, please. | (RECEPTIONIST) Next, please. |
400 | 00:28:58,047 | 00:28:59,719 | Typical! | Typical! |
401 | 00:29:02,047 | 00:29:06,165 | Come on! There's other people in this queue! | Come on! There's other people in this queue! |
402 | 00:29:06,567 | 00:29:09,764 | The service here gets worse and worse, don't you think? | The service here gets worse and worse, don't you think? |
403 | 00:29:09,927 | 00:29:15,320 | Aye, lad, things were different before these new-fangled changes. | Aye, lad, things were different before these new-fangled changes. |
404 | 00:29:15,487 | 00:29:21,278 | - Of course, you senile old git! - I was only agreeing with you... | - Of course, you senile old git! - I was only agreeing with you... |
405 | 00:29:21,447 | 00:29:26,043 | Yes, I suppose things were marvellous in the good old days (!) | Yes, I suppose things were marvellous in the good old days (!) |
406 | 00:29:26,207 | 00:29:32,521 | Four-year-old kiddies digging coal. Three-year-old kiddies...also digging... | Four-year-old kiddies digging coal. Three-year-old kiddies...also digging... |
407 | 00:29:32,687 | 00:29:38,717 | I suppose you think that was terrific! I think old people are really boring! | I suppose you think that was terrific! I think old people are really boring! |
408 | 00:29:38,887 | 00:29:43,836 | And the only reason you don't understand our music is that you don't like it! | And the only reason you don't understand our music is that you don't like it! |
409 | 00:29:47,527 | 00:29:50,803 | It's no wonder the country is in such a state! | It's no wonder the country is in such a state! |
410 | 00:29:50,967 | 00:29:54,198 | Why not hand the whole place over to Oxfam? | Why not hand the whole place over to Oxfam? |
411 | 00:29:54,367 | 00:29:57,598 | It's all scroungers and old people! | It's all scroungers and old people! |
412 | 00:29:57,767 | 00:30:02,682 | All clutching their Giros trying to get something for nothing. | All clutching their Giros trying to get something for nothing. |
413 | 00:30:02,847 | 00:30:07,523 | The Post Office is good at handing out other people's money! | The Post Office is good at handing out other people's money! |
414 | 00:30:07,687 | 00:30:09,837 | No wonder my grant's so small! | No wonder my grant's so small! |
415 | 00:30:10,007 | 00:30:12,202 | There'll soon be rows of Biafran children | There'll soon be rows of Biafran children |
416 | 00:30:12,367 | 00:30:16,121 | queuing up for bowls of millet before they become Communists! | queuing up for bowls of millet before they become Communists! |
417 | 00:30:16,287 | 00:30:20,360 | - Excuse me! Hello. - Can I help you? | - Excuse me! Hello. - Can I help you? |
418 | 00:30:20,527 | 00:30:24,236 | That depends what I want! Ha! Completely over her head. | That depends what I want! Ha! Completely over her head. |
419 | 00:30:24,407 | 00:30:26,398 | I want to send a telegram! | I want to send a telegram! |
420 | 00:30:27,167 | 00:30:33,959 | If you fill this in, I can serve the gentleman behind you. | If you fill this in, I can serve the gentleman behind you. |
421 | 00:30:34,127 | 00:30:37,722 | - Wait! He's behind me! - Yes, but you've... | - Wait! He's behind me! - Yes, but you've... |
422 | 00:30:37,887 | 00:30:41,926 | I had to wait. Why can't he? | I had to wait. Why can't he? |
423 | 00:30:42,087 | 00:30:47,002 | - I just want to hand that in... - Wait a minute! I won't be long. | - I just want to hand that in... - Wait a minute! I won't be long. |
424 | 00:30:47,767 | 00:30:51,999 | ''Thatcher, we've got a bomb...'' (RECEPTIONIST COUGHS) | ''Thatcher, we've got a bomb...'' (RECEPTIONIST COUGHS) |
425 | 00:30:53,607 | 00:30:59,125 | Do you mind? I'm trying to write. ''Do what we want or we'll blow it up.'' | Do you mind? I'm trying to write. ''Do what we want or we'll blow it up.'' |
426 | 00:31:00,367 | 00:31:04,883 | ''Signed, Anon.'' Huh! See? Didn't take very long. | ''Signed, Anon.'' Huh! See? Didn't take very long. |
427 | 00:31:05,047 | 00:31:08,278 | - Name and address, dear. - You put them on! | - Name and address, dear. - You put them on! |
428 | 00:31:08,447 | 00:31:13,646 | Rick, 15 Credibility Street. That's Rick... | Rick, 15 Credibility Street. That's Rick... |
429 | 00:31:13,807 | 00:31:16,685 | - Wick? - Forget it, put Neil. | - Wick? - Forget it, put Neil. |
430 | 00:31:16,847 | 00:31:20,044 | Yes, put Neil! It's my surname. | Yes, put Neil! It's my surname. |
431 | 00:31:20,807 | 00:31:25,119 | OK, Mr Neil, thanks. By the way, you're in the wrong place. | OK, Mr Neil, thanks. By the way, you're in the wrong place. |
432 | 00:31:25,287 | 00:31:28,836 | This is the DHSS. If you want to send a telegram, | This is the DHSS. If you want to send a telegram, |
433 | 00:31:29,007 | 00:31:31,680 | - go to the Post Office. - FASCIST! | - go to the Post Office. - FASCIST! |
434 | 00:31:33,887 | 00:31:37,846 | OK, Neil...where's the table? | OK, Neil...where's the table? |
435 | 00:31:39,247 | 00:31:43,081 | Oh, hi, Mike. You got the provisions? Great. | Oh, hi, Mike. You got the provisions? Great. |
436 | 00:31:43,247 | 00:31:48,719 | John Lennon once said, ''A man with an armful of takeaways | John Lennon once said, ''A man with an armful of takeaways |
437 | 00:31:48,887 | 00:31:53,085 | ''is either very hungry or knows someone who's very hungry.'' | ''is either very hungry or knows someone who's very hungry.'' |
438 | 00:31:54,847 | 00:32:01,002 | Mike says a man with both arms full has warm grease running up both sleeves. | Mike says a man with both arms full has warm grease running up both sleeves. |
439 | 00:32:01,167 | 00:32:05,160 | I've been trying to sell our bomb to all the undercover agents in town. | I've been trying to sell our bomb to all the undercover agents in town. |
440 | 00:32:05,327 | 00:32:10,560 | The CIA are interested...the Mafia's interested... | The CIA are interested...the Mafia's interested... |
441 | 00:32:11,087 | 00:32:12,918 | and the Chinese are keen. | and the Chinese are keen. |
442 | 00:32:13,087 | 00:32:17,080 | Not on the roof, man! Put it in the food zone. | Not on the roof, man! Put it in the food zone. |
443 | 00:32:17,847 | 00:32:21,123 | It's got to be tinned to last ten years of fallout. | It's got to be tinned to last ten years of fallout. |
444 | 00:32:21,287 | 00:32:27,317 | I'm expecting the world to start bidding any second. | I'm expecting the world to start bidding any second. |
445 | 00:32:27,487 | 00:32:30,445 | They'd better hurry up, 'cause Vyvyan's escaped. | They'd better hurry up, 'cause Vyvyan's escaped. |
446 | 00:32:39,647 | 00:32:41,285 | Missed! | Missed! |
447 | 00:32:45,207 | 00:32:47,323 | Well, that's that done! | Well, that's that done! |
448 | 00:32:47,487 | 00:32:52,607 | This time tomorrow, there'll be no more social prejudice or hatred! | This time tomorrow, there'll be no more social prejudice or hatred! |
449 | 00:32:52,767 | 00:32:55,406 | Get up, Neil, I hate you! | Get up, Neil, I hate you! |
450 | 00:32:55,567 | 00:32:59,606 | - Done what? - Yeah, done what, hippie? | - Done what? - Yeah, done what, hippie? |
451 | 00:33:00,447 | 00:33:05,805 | Told Thatcher about our bomb, you bunch of lavatory bowls! | Told Thatcher about our bomb, you bunch of lavatory bowls! |
452 | 00:33:05,967 | 00:33:10,324 | - I'm dealing with the bomb. - You? You hypocritical Nazi! | - I'm dealing with the bomb. - You? You hypocritical Nazi! |
453 | 00:33:10,487 | 00:33:16,005 | - Oh, shut up! - Shut up yourself. The whole thing's... | - Oh, shut up! - Shut up yourself. The whole thing's... |
454 | 00:33:16,407 | 00:33:18,796 | (LOUD TICKING) | (LOUD TICKING) |
455 | 00:33:19,287 | 00:33:21,278 | (NEIL) Oh, no! | (NEIL) Oh, no! |
456 | 00:33:23,407 | 00:33:27,798 | - This could be very heavy for all of us. - What are we gonna do, Mike? | - This could be very heavy for all of us. - What are we gonna do, Mike? |
457 | 00:33:27,967 | 00:33:32,119 | Mike stays steady as a rock while all around him is chaos. | Mike stays steady as a rock while all around him is chaos. |
458 | 00:33:32,287 | 00:33:35,040 | He checks his reflection. That's good. | He checks his reflection. That's good. |
459 | 00:33:35,647 | 00:33:38,241 | That's very good. That's the only way to go. | That's very good. That's the only way to go. |
460 | 00:33:38,407 | 00:33:41,365 | I hope this isn't a dud. | I hope this isn't a dud. |
461 | 00:33:41,527 | 00:33:45,998 | I know! Drape Neil over it! It might cover up the blast! | I know! Drape Neil over it! It might cover up the blast! |
462 | 00:33:46,167 | 00:33:49,284 | No time! Under the shelter! | No time! Under the shelter! |
463 | 00:33:53,807 | 00:33:57,163 | I've got a gun and I'm not afraid to use it! | I've got a gun and I'm not afraid to use it! |
464 | 00:33:58,527 | 00:34:00,836 | (ALL SHOUT) | (ALL SHOUT) |
465 | 00:34:14,967 | 00:34:17,197 | ""Up, up, and awayI"" | ""Up, up, and awayI"" |