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1 | 00:00:00,440 | 00:00:02,039 | (Terri) Can I cancel the subscription? | (Terri) Can I cancel the subscription? |
2 | 00:00:02,040 | 00:00:05,040 | Actually, he's dead. I've got to go. Can I take it that it's cancelled? Thank you. | Actually, he's dead. I've got to go. Can I take it that it's cancelled? Thank you. |
3 | 00:00:07,200 | 00:00:10,159 | I'm the Minister for fucking Social Affairs. Hugh Abbot. | I'm the Minister for fucking Social Affairs. Hugh Abbot. |
4 | 00:00:10,160 | 00:00:13,160 | Could you explain to these people I'm the reason why they're here? | Could you explain to these people I'm the reason why they're here? |
5 | 00:00:14,440 | 00:00:16,919 | (Terri) Sorry about that. (Hugh) Amazing place. | (Terri) Sorry about that. (Hugh) Amazing place. |
6 | 00:00:16,920 | 00:00:18,559 | (Terri) Welcome back. (Hugh) Thank you. | (Terri) Welcome back. (Hugh) Thank you. |
7 | 00:00:18,560 | 00:00:21,559 | It's ironic, we're both back on the same day. | It's ironic, we're both back on the same day. |
8 | 00:00:21,560 | 00:00:24,560 | Although your reasons for being away were more important than mine. | Although your reasons for being away were more important than mine. |
9 | 00:00:25,640 | 00:00:27,599 | - Just a frivolous holiday. - No, no... | - Just a frivolous holiday. - No, no... |
10 | 00:00:27,600 | 00:00:30,600 | It was fantastic, though. Italy. You can't go wrong with Italy. | It was fantastic, though. Italy. You can't go wrong with Italy. |
11 | 00:00:30,640 | 00:00:33,640 | - But how are you? - Really upset and sad about it. | - But how are you? - Really upset and sad about it. |
12 | 00:00:34,600 | 00:00:37,600 | - That your father had died. - My father had died. | - That your father had died. - My father had died. |
13 | 00:00:38,720 | 00:00:40,319 | Anyway...erm... | Anyway...erm... |
14 | 00:00:40,320 | 00:00:42,079 | - Shall we...? - We're upstairs. | - Shall we...? - We're upstairs. |
15 | 00:00:42,080 | 00:00:44,199 | ..get a bit ofa wiggle on. Yes. | ..get a bit ofa wiggle on. Yes. |
16 | 00:00:44,200 | 00:00:47,200 | - So, this is like a sort ofgoverning mall. - There's actually quite a few problems here. | - So, this is like a sort ofgoverning mall. - There's actually quite a few problems here. |
17 | 00:00:49,280 | 00:00:52,280 | - The e-mail system isn't working. - Oh. | - The e-mail system isn't working. - Oh. |
18 | 00:00:52,920 | 00:00:55,920 | - And the intelligent ventilation... - Intelligent ventilation? | - And the intelligent ventilation... - Intelligent ventilation? |
19 | 00:00:57,080 | 00:01:00,080 | What we've got is a wind tunnel up in the Asylum Directorate. | What we've got is a wind tunnel up in the Asylum Directorate. |
20 | 00:01:00,440 | 00:01:02,679 | Don't let any ofthose out as Diary stories. | Don't let any ofthose out as Diary stories. |
21 | 00:01:02,680 | 00:01:05,680 | - This is us. - Right. A bit too light and airy for my liking. | - This is us. - Right. A bit too light and airy for my liking. |
22 | 00:01:06,560 | 00:01:08,599 | Ooh...and these are awful. | Ooh...and these are awful. |
23 | 00:01:08,600 | 00:01:11,600 | Do we have to have those? They look like Alicia's Barbie furniture. | Do we have to have those? They look like Alicia's Barbie furniture. |
24 | 00:01:12,080 | 00:01:15,080 | - Do you think they match? - Not ifyou wear that dress. | - Do you think they match? - Not ifyou wear that dress. |
25 | 00:01:15,160 | 00:01:18,160 | One ofthem's going to have to go and I'd rather it was the sofas. | One ofthem's going to have to go and I'd rather it was the sofas. |
26 | 00:01:18,480 | 00:01:20,839 | - Is this us? - Yes, this is actually you. | - Is this us? - Yes, this is actually you. |
27 | 00:01:20,840 | 00:01:23,840 | - (Glenn) Isn't that David Dickinson? - Ooh, nice tan! | - (Glenn) Isn't that David Dickinson? - Ooh, nice tan! |
28 | 00:01:24,600 | 00:01:27,600 | I can't take all the credit, the sun did the work. | I can't take all the credit, the sun did the work. |
29 | 00:01:28,400 | 00:01:31,400 | - There's not much privacy. - It doesn't matter. We're moving upstairs. | - There's not much privacy. - It doesn't matter. We're moving upstairs. |
30 | 00:01:32,960 | 00:01:35,960 | - It's going to be hard to shoot up in there. - Yeah, yeah, that's true. | - It's going to be hard to shoot up in there. - Yeah, yeah, that's true. |
31 | 00:01:37,720 | 00:01:40,720 | - This is so poky. - We're not here long enough for it to matter. | - This is so poky. - We're not here long enough for it to matter. |
32 | 00:01:41,160 | 00:01:42,759 | It might interest you. | It might interest you. |
33 | 00:01:42,760 | 00:01:45,760 | The date for your appearance before the Education Select Committee. | The date for your appearance before the Education Select Committee. |
34 | 00:01:46,920 | 00:01:48,839 | - It's tomorrow. - Oh, great! | - It's tomorrow. - Oh, great! |
35 | 00:01:48,840 | 00:01:51,159 | Oh, that is great. Yes, welcome home, Hugh. | Oh, that is great. Yes, welcome home, Hugh. |
36 | 00:01:51,160 | 00:01:53,159 | Couldn't you have pushed it back a week? | Couldn't you have pushed it back a week? |
37 | 00:01:53,160 | 00:01:55,879 | Given me something cushy for my first week back? | Given me something cushy for my first week back? |
38 | 00:01:55,880 | 00:01:58,719 | A couple oflunches or a fact finder to Dublin? | A couple oflunches or a fact finder to Dublin? |
39 | 00:01:58,720 | 00:02:01,720 | - That's the date they gave me. - You can't change Select Committee dates. | - That's the date they gave me. - You can't change Select Committee dates. |
40 | 00:02:02,400 | 00:02:05,400 | Oh, can't you? How did Liam get his changed so he could go to the Test match? | Oh, can't you? How did Liam get his changed so he could go to the Test match? |
41 | 00:02:06,120 | 00:02:09,120 | It's going to be like sitting on a crate having chicken shit sprayed over me. | It's going to be like sitting on a crate having chicken shit sprayed over me. |
42 | 00:02:10,040 | 00:02:13,040 | I mean, why do we want to close down schools for kids with special needs? | I mean, why do we want to close down schools for kids with special needs? |
43 | 00:02:14,040 | 00:02:17,040 | It's the one thing that I really, really, actually do not want to do. | It's the one thing that I really, really, actually do not want to do. |
44 | 00:02:19,000 | 00:02:22,000 | And yet, bizarrely, I am the person most intimately involved in doing it. | And yet, bizarrely, I am the person most intimately involved in doing it. |
45 | 00:02:23,160 | 00:02:26,039 | Robyn, go and see IT about the e-mail problem. | Robyn, go and see IT about the e-mail problem. |
46 | 00:02:26,040 | 00:02:28,519 | Please. That'd be great. | Please. That'd be great. |
47 | 00:02:28,520 | 00:02:31,520 | So now Terri's back, I just get all the dull stuff. Is that right? | So now Terri's back, I just get all the dull stuff. Is that right? |
48 | 00:02:31,960 | 00:02:34,960 | - Pretty much, yes. - Oh, well, right. Yeah, well, ofcourse. | - Pretty much, yes. - Oh, well, right. Yeah, well, ofcourse. |
49 | 00:02:36,000 | 00:02:38,399 | Well, I'll see you later. | Well, I'll see you later. |
50 | 00:02:38,400 | 00:02:41,400 | Glenn, the Special Needs Bill. With your, you know, particular interest, I can't do this. | Glenn, the Special Needs Bill. With your, you know, particular interest, I can't do this. |
51 | 00:02:44,680 | 00:02:47,680 | You know my views. Inclusion is an illusion. It doesn't work. | You know my views. Inclusion is an illusion. It doesn't work. |
52 | 00:02:48,920 | 00:02:51,719 | - But you don't mind ifI go with it? - Ofcourse not. | - But you don't mind ifI go with it? - Ofcourse not. |
53 | 00:02:51,720 | 00:02:54,720 | You know, look, you're only following orders. | You know, look, you're only following orders. |
54 | 00:02:55,160 | 00:02:58,160 | So you won't make me feel bad except by comparing me to a concentration camp guard? | So you won't make me feel bad except by comparing me to a concentration camp guard? |
55 | 00:02:59,600 | 00:03:00,799 | Right. | Right. |
56 | 00:03:00,800 | 00:03:03,800 | Now, tomorrow. Select Committee, that's Ballentine, isn't it? | Now, tomorrow. Select Committee, that's Ballentine, isn't it? |
57 | 00:03:05,440 | 00:03:08,440 | - Who wants to go and watch bollockvision? - Bollockvision? | - Who wants to go and watch bollockvision? - Bollockvision? |
58 | 00:03:08,640 | 00:03:11,640 | Mr Malcolm Tucker, turning it all the way up to eleven, down in the lobby. | Mr Malcolm Tucker, turning it all the way up to eleven, down in the lobby. |
59 | 00:03:12,480 | 00:03:15,480 | - (Malcolm shouting) - (Hugh) Poor Keith! | - (Malcolm shouting) - (Hugh) Poor Keith! |
60 | 00:03:15,960 | 00:03:17,599 | You should have discussed it. | You should have discussed it. |
61 | 00:03:17,600 | 00:03:20,559 | Malcolm must love this. Four ministers in one building. | Malcolm must love this. Four ministers in one building. |
62 | 00:03:20,560 | 00:03:23,199 | It's his dream. A one-stop bollock-shop. | It's his dream. A one-stop bollock-shop. |
63 | 00:03:23,200 | 00:03:26,200 | Trouble is, we're going to be getting some ofthat in about an hour. | Trouble is, we're going to be getting some ofthat in about an hour. |
64 | 00:03:26,880 | 00:03:29,880 | Which is worse? Watching him rumble towards you like prostate cancer, | Which is worse? Watching him rumble towards you like prostate cancer, |
65 | 00:03:30,520 | 00:03:33,520 | or him appearing suddenly out ofnowhere, like a severe stroke. | or him appearing suddenly out ofnowhere, like a severe stroke. |
66 | 00:03:35,960 | 00:03:38,960 | Oh... How's your sister coping? | Oh... How's your sister coping? |
67 | 00:03:39,880 | 00:03:42,880 | So, Hugh, this new word, ''Citizenship''. Did the PM actually outline what it entails? | So, Hugh, this new word, ''Citizenship''. Did the PM actually outline what it entails? |
68 | 00:03:44,760 | 00:03:47,760 | To be honest, I think he was making the reshuffle up as he went along. | To be honest, I think he was making the reshuffle up as he went along. |
69 | 00:03:48,320 | 00:03:51,320 | We were lucky that citizenship was the first word that sprang to mind. | We were lucky that citizenship was the first word that sprang to mind. |
70 | 00:03:52,000 | 00:03:55,000 | We could be in the Department for Social Affairs and Woodland Folk. | We could be in the Department for Social Affairs and Woodland Folk. |
71 | 00:03:55,280 | 00:03:58,280 | The problem is, though, Hugh, that there's been a bit ofa rush, with you not in place, | The problem is, though, Hugh, that there's been a bit ofa rush, with you not in place, |
72 | 00:03:59,640 | 00:04:02,640 | every department trying to unload all the stuffthat they didn't want. | every department trying to unload all the stuffthat they didn't want. |
73 | 00:04:03,800 | 00:04:06,800 | It's been like somebody driving a lorry down Whitehall, | It's been like somebody driving a lorry down Whitehall, |
74 | 00:04:06,840 | 00:04:09,840 | shouting, ''Bring out your shit'', and it's ended up at our door. | shouting, ''Bring out your shit'', and it's ended up at our door. |
75 | 00:04:10,320 | 00:04:11,439 | So what are we getting? | So what are we getting? |
76 | 00:04:11,440 | 00:04:14,440 | Citizenship basically involves cutting pensions to the Ghurkhas, | Citizenship basically involves cutting pensions to the Ghurkhas, |
77 | 00:04:15,680 | 00:04:18,439 | rejigging the protocols for a rabies outbreak, | rejigging the protocols for a rabies outbreak, |
78 | 00:04:18,440 | 00:04:21,440 | some crap from Health about long-term care for the elderly, | some crap from Health about long-term care for the elderly, |
79 | 00:04:22,520 | 00:04:25,039 | that neither they nor we have any idea about. | that neither they nor we have any idea about. |
80 | 00:04:25,040 | 00:04:27,159 | And what to do with the Isle ofMan. | And what to do with the Isle ofMan. |
81 | 00:04:27,160 | 00:04:30,160 | Just what I fucking need. Five new ways to lose my job. | Just what I fucking need. Five new ways to lose my job. |
82 | 00:04:32,360 | 00:04:34,119 | Where did that come from? | Where did that come from? |
83 | 00:04:34,120 | 00:04:37,120 | - Oh, Malcolm sent that. - It's far too big. Why did he send it? | - Oh, Malcolm sent that. - It's far too big. Why did he send it? |
84 | 00:04:38,000 | 00:04:39,559 | Office warming present. | Office warming present. |
85 | 00:04:39,560 | 00:04:42,119 | - So why did he send us a present? - I don't know. | - So why did he send us a present? - I don't know. |
86 | 00:04:42,120 | 00:04:45,120 | - Has Security checked this? - What for? Tiny little terrorists? | - Has Security checked this? - What for? Tiny little terrorists? |
87 | 00:04:45,760 | 00:04:48,639 | - Yes. - It's a plant. Yes? | - Yes. - It's a plant. Yes? |
88 | 00:04:48,640 | 00:04:50,679 | So...citizenshit. | So...citizenshit. |
89 | 00:04:50,680 | 00:04:53,680 | What we need is some nice, touchy-feely, fondley, sneaky, hand-in-the-bra policies. | What we need is some nice, touchy-feely, fondley, sneaky, hand-in-the-bra policies. |
90 | 00:04:56,200 | 00:04:59,200 | New bicycles for special constables, that sort ofthing? | New bicycles for special constables, that sort ofthing? |
91 | 00:04:59,400 | 00:05:02,400 | - Yeah. - Making special needs kids clean up graffiti. | - Yeah. - Making special needs kids clean up graffiti. |
92 | 00:05:03,120 | 00:05:04,999 | That's just very mean. | That's just very mean. |
93 | 00:05:05,000 | 00:05:08,000 | Well, yes. Not, ofcourse, as mean as making them spell graffiti. That genuinely is mean. | Well, yes. Not, ofcourse, as mean as making them spell graffiti. That genuinely is mean. |
94 | 00:05:09,680 | 00:05:12,679 | - I'll go and have a word with Malcolm. - OK. | - I'll go and have a word with Malcolm. - OK. |
95 | 00:05:12,680 | 00:05:15,279 | You just took a shit with your clothes on, Olly. | You just took a shit with your clothes on, Olly. |
96 | 00:05:15,280 | 00:05:17,359 | - Why? - Glenn's boy, Peter. | - Why? - Glenn's boy, Peter. |
97 | 00:05:17,360 | 00:05:20,360 | He went to a special needs school. | He went to a special needs school. |
98 | 00:05:20,840 | 00:05:22,239 | Oh. | Oh. |
99 | 00:05:22,240 | 00:05:25,079 | Yep. | Yep. |
100 | 00:05:25,080 | 00:05:28,080 | - Glenn's had sex. - God, you're such a prick, Olly. | - Glenn's had sex. - God, you're such a prick, Olly. |
101 | 00:05:29,760 | 00:05:32,760 | There's more to life than drinks at the Foreign Office | There's more to life than drinks at the Foreign Office |
102 | 00:05:32,960 | 00:05:35,559 | and Nick Robinson's number on your Blackberry. | and Nick Robinson's number on your Blackberry. |
103 | 00:05:35,560 | 00:05:37,599 | All right, fine. Sorry, Hugh. | All right, fine. Sorry, Hugh. |
104 | 00:05:37,600 | 00:05:40,600 | I feel for the guy. I had a girlfriend with special needs once, so I know. | I feel for the guy. I had a girlfriend with special needs once, so I know. |
105 | 00:05:42,200 | 00:05:44,679 | Luckily, I was able to fulfil them. | Luckily, I was able to fulfil them. |
106 | 00:05:44,680 | 00:05:46,999 | Oh, God, you're such a.... | Oh, God, you're such a.... |
107 | 00:05:47,000 | 00:05:49,799 | - Haircut? - Chemo. Nob. | - Haircut? - Chemo. Nob. |
108 | 00:05:49,800 | 00:05:52,199 | - So, did you enjoy the show? - Magnificent, darling. | - So, did you enjoy the show? - Magnificent, darling. |
109 | 00:05:52,200 | 00:05:55,200 | Should I phone Keith, so I can get his team to watch you bollock me now? | Should I phone Keith, so I can get his team to watch you bollock me now? |
110 | 00:05:56,040 | 00:05:58,159 | No, no. Have I got my bollocking face on? | No, no. Have I got my bollocking face on? |
111 | 00:05:58,160 | 00:06:01,160 | - Well... - No, this is my bollocking face. | - Well... - No, this is my bollocking face. |
112 | 00:06:01,280 | 00:06:04,280 | Oh, crikey, yes. Thanks for the pot plant, by the way. | Oh, crikey, yes. Thanks for the pot plant, by the way. |
113 | 00:06:04,680 | 00:06:07,319 | - Did I send that? - As an office warming present. | - Did I send that? - As an office warming present. |
114 | 00:06:07,320 | 00:06:09,759 | Christ, she's a great PA, isn't she, Sam? | Christ, she's a great PA, isn't she, Sam? |
115 | 00:06:09,760 | 00:06:12,760 | - Yes. - She always remembers the little people. | - Yes. - She always remembers the little people. |
116 | 00:06:12,800 | 00:06:15,800 | Look at the size ofthat. You could crucify somebody on that. | Look at the size ofthat. You could crucify somebody on that. |
117 | 00:06:15,960 | 00:06:18,639 | So, what do you think ofthe new building, eh? | So, what do you think ofthe new building, eh? |
118 | 00:06:18,640 | 00:06:21,039 | I can't wait to move upstairs, actually. | I can't wait to move upstairs, actually. |
119 | 00:06:21,040 | 00:06:24,040 | I don't like the glass walls on this floor. I just feel a bit exposed. | I don't like the glass walls on this floor. I just feel a bit exposed. |
120 | 00:06:25,320 | 00:06:27,479 | Like a whore in a Reeperbahn window. | Like a whore in a Reeperbahn window. |
121 | 00:06:27,480 | 00:06:30,480 | Glenn, it's Olly. He wants you to go through and clarify the Citizenship brief. | Glenn, it's Olly. He wants you to go through and clarify the Citizenship brief. |
122 | 00:06:32,720 | 00:06:35,720 | - How much, love? - Sorry? | - How much, love? - Sorry? |
123 | 00:06:36,280 | 00:06:38,759 | - OK, I'm on it. - I'll catch you later. | - OK, I'm on it. - I'll catch you later. |
124 | 00:06:38,760 | 00:06:41,760 | I like the tan, by the way. Have you declared it? | I like the tan, by the way. Have you declared it? |
125 | 00:06:42,280 | 00:06:45,280 | - Staying at the villa ofan influential friend. - I haven't got any influential friends. | - Staying at the villa ofan influential friend. - I haven't got any influential friends. |
126 | 00:06:47,040 | 00:06:50,040 | - You are my only influential friend. - And I'm not really your friend. | - You are my only influential friend. - And I'm not really your friend. |
127 | 00:06:50,280 | 00:06:51,639 | And you're not really my friend. | And you're not really my friend. |
128 | 00:06:51,640 | 00:06:54,640 | - So, this Super Schools Bill... - Yep. | - So, this Super Schools Bill... - Yep. |
129 | 00:06:55,400 | 00:06:57,999 | You don't think it's so super, do you? | You don't think it's so super, do you? |
130 | 00:06:58,000 | 00:07:01,000 | - You're doing it now. - What? | - You're doing it now. - What? |
131 | 00:07:01,040 | 00:07:03,039 | That's your bollocking face. | That's your bollocking face. |
132 | 00:07:03,040 | 00:07:06,040 | You know, it's great that you get all misty eyed over Glenn's kid. | You know, it's great that you get all misty eyed over Glenn's kid. |
133 | 00:07:06,880 | 00:07:09,880 | But no one's trying to fuck over special needs kids. | But no one's trying to fuck over special needs kids. |
134 | 00:07:11,280 | 00:07:12,799 | R...Really? | R...Really? |
135 | 00:07:12,800 | 00:07:15,800 | Before I went away, I consulted an expert, Mark Ryan. | Before I went away, I consulted an expert, Mark Ryan. |
136 | 00:07:16,240 | 00:07:19,240 | The LSE education guy? And what did that sandal-wearing nonce have to say? | The LSE education guy? And what did that sandal-wearing nonce have to say? |
137 | 00:07:20,760 | 00:07:23,399 | Closing down special needs schools | Closing down special needs schools |
138 | 00:07:23,400 | 00:07:26,400 | and putting needy kids into mainstream education is a lousy idea. | and putting needy kids into mainstream education is a lousy idea. |
139 | 00:07:27,960 | 00:07:30,960 | - I've got an expert who will deny that. - SEN parents want the schools kept open. | - I've got an expert who will deny that. - SEN parents want the schools kept open. |
140 | 00:07:32,640 | 00:07:35,640 | Yeah, well, my expert would totally oppose that. | Yeah, well, my expert would totally oppose that. |
141 | 00:07:36,280 | 00:07:39,280 | - Who is your expert? - No idea, but I can get one by this afternoon. | - Who is your expert? - No idea, but I can get one by this afternoon. |
142 | 00:07:39,760 | 00:07:42,760 | You have spoken to the wrong expert. You've got to ask the right expert. | You have spoken to the wrong expert. You've got to ask the right expert. |
143 | 00:07:44,600 | 00:07:47,600 | You've got to know what an expert's going to advise before he advises. | You've got to know what an expert's going to advise before he advises. |
144 | 00:07:48,080 | 00:07:51,080 | Hugh, whether you like this or not, you are going to have to promote this Bill. | Hugh, whether you like this or not, you are going to have to promote this Bill. |
145 | 00:07:52,560 | 00:07:55,560 | So what I'm going to do is, I'm going to get you another expert. | So what I'm going to do is, I'm going to get you another expert. |
146 | 00:07:55,800 | 00:07:57,799 | OK. | OK. |
147 | 00:07:57,800 | 00:08:00,439 | But surely, Mr Smedley, | But surely, Mr Smedley, |
148 | 00:08:00,440 | 00:08:03,440 | inclusion has been shown to fail the most vulnerable SEN children. | inclusion has been shown to fail the most vulnerable SEN children. |
149 | 00:08:04,320 | 00:08:07,320 | When inclusion's done badly, yes. Yes, you get bad results. That's a given. | When inclusion's done badly, yes. Yes, you get bad results. That's a given. |
150 | 00:08:09,200 | 00:08:10,959 | Inclusion is an illusion. | Inclusion is an illusion. |
151 | 00:08:10,960 | 00:08:13,960 | Mark Ryan from the LSE was saying that when the special schools do get it right, | Mark Ryan from the LSE was saying that when the special schools do get it right, |
152 | 00:08:16,080 | 00:08:19,080 | that the parents ofSEN children absolutely fucking flock to... | that the parents ofSEN children absolutely fucking flock to... |
153 | 00:08:20,000 | 00:08:23,000 | - You spoke to Mark Ryan? - Yeah, well, some expert advice. | - You spoke to Mark Ryan? - Yeah, well, some expert advice. |
154 | 00:08:23,360 | 00:08:26,319 | - Expert advice from Mark Ryan? - Yeah. | - Expert advice from Mark Ryan? - Yeah. |
155 | 00:08:26,320 | 00:08:29,320 | - You have a problem with Ryan? - In educational circles, he's a joke. | - You have a problem with Ryan? - In educational circles, he's a joke. |
156 | 00:08:29,880 | 00:08:31,879 | - That's another given. - Is it? | - That's another given. - Is it? |
157 | 00:08:31,880 | 00:08:34,359 | - (E-mail alert) - Ah, sorry. | - (E-mail alert) - Ah, sorry. |
158 | 00:08:34,360 | 00:08:37,360 | It's just that I'm expecting something quite important. | It's just that I'm expecting something quite important. |
159 | 00:08:37,840 | 00:08:40,840 | - Is our e-mail up and running? - No. No, no, this is my hotmail. | - Is our e-mail up and running? - No. No, no, this is my hotmail. |
160 | 00:08:42,120 | 00:08:45,120 | Sorry, can you excuse me just erm... | Sorry, can you excuse me just erm... |
161 | 00:08:49,000 | 00:08:51,559 | (Smedley) We live in an inclusive society. | (Smedley) We live in an inclusive society. |
162 | 00:08:51,560 | 00:08:54,560 | - We all rub shoulders together, Mr Cullen? - Indeed. | - We all rub shoulders together, Mr Cullen? - Indeed. |
163 | 00:08:54,960 | 00:08:57,960 | - Let's not let the Ryans ofthis world create... - Sorry? | - Let's not let the Ryans ofthis world create... - Sorry? |
164 | 00:08:59,320 | 00:09:02,320 | ..apartheid for children. The alternative is to isolate these kids in ghetto schools. | ..apartheid for children. The alternative is to isolate these kids in ghetto schools. |
165 | 00:09:03,880 | 00:09:06,319 | The minister won't be a moment. | The minister won't be a moment. |
166 | 00:09:06,320 | 00:09:08,759 | (Olly) Good spot for a suicide, I would think. | (Olly) Good spot for a suicide, I would think. |
167 | 00:09:08,760 | 00:09:11,079 | Good long drop, appreciative audience. | Good long drop, appreciative audience. |
168 | 00:09:11,080 | 00:09:13,519 | What ifyou just broke your back? | What ifyou just broke your back? |
169 | 00:09:13,520 | 00:09:15,479 | It'd leave you paralysed for life, | It'd leave you paralysed for life, |
170 | 00:09:15,480 | 00:09:18,480 | and you'd still be depressed about the thing that was depressing you. | and you'd still be depressed about the thing that was depressing you. |
171 | 00:09:19,320 | 00:09:22,320 | - What are these hangy-down things? - (Olly) Acoustic baffles. | - What are these hangy-down things? - (Olly) Acoustic baffles. |
172 | 00:09:22,800 | 00:09:24,839 | They stop it getting too echoey. | They stop it getting too echoey. |
173 | 00:09:24,840 | 00:09:27,840 | So when you break your back, nobody can hear you screaming. | So when you break your back, nobody can hear you screaming. |
174 | 00:09:28,000 | 00:09:31,000 | Well, that is the kind ofattention to detail that you get in a PFI building. | Well, that is the kind ofattention to detail that you get in a PFI building. |
175 | 00:09:33,040 | 00:09:36,040 | Hey! Get back to work, all ofyou! | Hey! Get back to work, all ofyou! |
176 | 00:09:37,960 | 00:09:40,960 | Right, I'm offto Number Ten for this Cabinet summit with the PM and Education, | Right, I'm offto Number Ten for this Cabinet summit with the PM and Education, |
177 | 00:09:42,400 | 00:09:44,359 | try and swing this Bill around. | try and swing this Bill around. |
178 | 00:09:44,360 | 00:09:47,199 | Now, ifit drags on can you phone my home and tell Kate? | Now, ifit drags on can you phone my home and tell Kate? |
179 | 00:09:47,200 | 00:09:50,200 | She doesn't watch rolling news because she's a normal human being. | She doesn't watch rolling news because she's a normal human being. |
180 | 00:09:51,440 | 00:09:54,319 | (Parody accent) Yes, massah, I's a good slave! | (Parody accent) Yes, massah, I's a good slave! |
181 | 00:09:54,320 | 00:09:57,320 | - Can I say, that manner... - Something catastrophic has happened! | - Can I say, that manner... - Something catastrophic has happened! |
182 | 00:09:58,000 | 00:09:59,919 | Whoa! What's going on? | Whoa! What's going on? |
183 | 00:09:59,920 | 00:10:02,920 | I've just had a phone call from a man. He's got a child, he lives in Reigate. | I've just had a phone call from a man. He's got a child, he lives in Reigate. |
184 | 00:10:04,240 | 00:10:07,240 | This child, she is called Glenn, after Glenn Close, and her surname is Cullen. | This child, she is called Glenn, after Glenn Close, and her surname is Cullen. |
185 | 00:10:09,880 | 00:10:12,079 | She's Glenn Cullen. | She's Glenn Cullen. |
186 | 00:10:12,080 | 00:10:15,080 | And this morning, apparently, in her in... | And this morning, apparently, in her in... |
187 | 00:10:15,960 | 00:10:18,960 | In the e-mail tray, she got a note, | In the e-mail tray, she got a note, |
188 | 00:10:19,480 | 00:10:21,719 | and it used these words. ''Christ'', | and it used these words. ''Christ'', |
189 | 00:10:21,720 | 00:10:23,599 | and ''cunt''. | and ''cunt''. |
190 | 00:10:23,600 | 00:10:25,239 | And apparently I sent it. | And apparently I sent it. |
191 | 00:10:25,240 | 00:10:28,240 | - No! - Anybody could use that computer. | - No! - Anybody could use that computer. |
192 | 00:10:28,560 | 00:10:31,560 | - Hugh, Glenn says can you head over? - Yes, I must, I must... | - Hugh, Glenn says can you head over? - Yes, I must, I must... |
193 | 00:10:32,600 | 00:10:35,600 | Olly was using it. Olly was using it earlier. | Olly was using it. Olly was using it earlier. |
194 | 00:10:35,760 | 00:10:38,760 | Did you send an e-mail, Olly, about me, calling me a cunt? | Did you send an e-mail, Olly, about me, calling me a cunt? |
195 | 00:10:39,400 | 00:10:42,400 | No. No, I never use that word, let alone about you. No. Absolutely. | No. No, I never use that word, let alone about you. No. Absolutely. |
196 | 00:10:42,840 | 00:10:45,839 | I won't use it until it's been fully normalised | I won't use it until it's been fully normalised |
197 | 00:10:45,840 | 00:10:48,840 | and has no further association with the female twat. | and has no further association with the female twat. |
198 | 00:10:49,200 | 00:10:51,639 | - It was you! - We'll get to the bottom ofthis. | - It was you! - We'll get to the bottom ofthis. |
199 | 00:10:51,640 | 00:10:54,640 | I've got to go offto Number Ten, but I absolutely give you my word. | I've got to go offto Number Ten, but I absolutely give you my word. |
200 | 00:10:55,240 | 00:10:56,519 | Look. | Look. |
201 | 00:10:56,520 | 00:10:58,679 | Hugh... | Hugh... |
202 | 00:10:58,680 | 00:11:01,680 | No, I didn't get any e-mail about Roy Smedley. Was it funny? | No, I didn't get any e-mail about Roy Smedley. Was it funny? |
203 | 00:11:02,640 | 00:11:05,640 | Kind of. It was a bit sweary. | Kind of. It was a bit sweary. |
204 | 00:11:05,680 | 00:11:07,639 | At least he's served his purpose. | At least he's served his purpose. |
205 | 00:11:07,640 | 00:11:10,359 | We've now got some very useful material to trot out | We've now got some very useful material to trot out |
206 | 00:11:10,360 | 00:11:13,360 | in case My Bloody Ballentine wants to know | in case My Bloody Ballentine wants to know |
207 | 00:11:13,960 | 00:11:16,960 | why you've done a U-turn in favour ofinclusion. | why you've done a U-turn in favour ofinclusion. |
208 | 00:11:17,080 | 00:11:18,359 | But I haven't. | But I haven't. |
209 | 00:11:18,360 | 00:11:21,360 | I'm going to take a fucking stand. I'm buggered ifI let you down now. | I'm going to take a fucking stand. I'm buggered ifI let you down now. |
210 | 00:11:21,840 | 00:11:24,840 | I'm going to go in to the PM and tell him straight up, this bill is bollocks. | I'm going to go in to the PM and tell him straight up, this bill is bollocks. |
211 | 00:11:25,800 | 00:11:28,800 | - No, you're not. - No, I'm not, but it would be great ifI did. | - No, you're not. - No, I'm not, but it would be great ifI did. |
212 | 00:11:30,680 | 00:11:33,680 | - Another little bit ofmy soul chipped away. - Don't worry about it. | - Another little bit ofmy soul chipped away. - Don't worry about it. |
213 | 00:11:33,880 | 00:11:36,880 | (Frantic stonewalling) | (Frantic stonewalling) |
214 | 00:11:39,520 | 00:11:42,520 | Hugh, the Guardian web site has broken the e-mail thing. | Hugh, the Guardian web site has broken the e-mail thing. |
215 | 00:11:43,240 | 00:11:46,240 | In the final edition, here, ofthe Standard | In the final edition, here, ofthe Standard |
216 | 00:11:46,440 | 00:11:48,959 | I am suddenly a major news story. | I am suddenly a major news story. |
217 | 00:11:48,960 | 00:11:50,999 | Sweary Woman OfWhitehall. | Sweary Woman OfWhitehall. |
218 | 00:11:51,000 | 00:11:54,000 | Sweary Woman OfWhitehall. A pun. It's not really punning on anything, is it? | Sweary Woman OfWhitehall. A pun. It's not really punning on anything, is it? |
219 | 00:11:55,040 | 00:11:58,040 | How do you appear out ofnowhere in a building made ofglass? | How do you appear out ofnowhere in a building made ofglass? |
220 | 00:11:58,480 | 00:12:01,480 | I'm a shape shifter. I don't need this, get this fucking sorted. | I'm a shape shifter. I don't need this, get this fucking sorted. |
221 | 00:12:01,840 | 00:12:04,639 | What is wrong with you? Having a nervous breakdown? | What is wrong with you? Having a nervous breakdown? |
222 | 00:12:04,640 | 00:12:07,639 | Get on top ofit, OK? You will see me again. | Get on top ofit, OK? You will see me again. |
223 | 00:12:07,640 | 00:12:10,519 | I don't want this, Hugh. I don't want to be the story. | I don't want this, Hugh. I don't want to be the story. |
224 | 00:12:10,520 | 00:12:13,520 | The Sun are running a cartoon with you being arrested by a const-able. | The Sun are running a cartoon with you being arrested by a const-able. |
225 | 00:12:16,320 | 00:12:19,320 | - Olly, don't be such a bastard. - Hey, whoa, turd tonsils. | - Olly, don't be such a bastard. - Hey, whoa, turd tonsils. |
226 | 00:12:19,520 | 00:12:22,520 | That's quite enough ofthat, Olly. Just knock it off, OK. | That's quite enough ofthat, Olly. Just knock it off, OK. |
227 | 00:12:23,480 | 00:12:26,480 | Terri, Terri, come with me. Come here. | Terri, Terri, come with me. Come here. |
228 | 00:12:26,920 | 00:12:29,920 | Just fucking act your age. We've had enough ofyour puerile influence. | Just fucking act your age. We've had enough ofyour puerile influence. |
229 | 00:12:31,760 | 00:12:34,399 | Actually, I think I might have an idea about... | Actually, I think I might have an idea about... |
230 | 00:12:34,400 | 00:12:37,400 | Just...just tell me, truthfully, | Just...just tell me, truthfully, |
231 | 00:12:38,720 | 00:12:40,959 | did you send that e-mail? | did you send that e-mail? |
232 | 00:12:40,960 | 00:12:43,960 | No, I didn't. | No, I didn't. |
233 | 00:12:45,480 | 00:12:48,480 | And you know I didn't. | And you know I didn't. |
234 | 00:12:50,280 | 00:12:53,280 | - What? I'm sorry? Are you inferring... - Implying. | - What? I'm sorry? Are you inferring... - Implying. |
235 | 00:12:55,480 | 00:12:58,480 | - You're implying that...it was me? - Hmm. | - You're implying that...it was me? - Hmm. |
236 | 00:13:00,600 | 00:13:03,600 | (Whispering) I saw you, Hugh. I saw you do it. | (Whispering) I saw you, Hugh. I saw you do it. |
237 | 00:13:07,960 | 00:13:10,960 | (Floor creaking) | (Floor creaking) |
238 | 00:13:14,600 | 00:13:16,959 | It...it was for Glenn, for our Glenn. | It...it was for Glenn, for our Glenn. |
239 | 00:13:16,960 | 00:13:19,960 | To amuse him when that prick man was in his office, and I just typed in the wrong address. | To amuse him when that prick man was in his office, and I just typed in the wrong address. |
240 | 00:13:23,000 | 00:13:26,000 | - It was a genuine mistake. - I didn't really see you. I was bluffing. | - It was a genuine mistake. - I didn't really see you. I was bluffing. |
241 | 00:13:28,280 | 00:13:31,280 | That doesn't bode well for your Select Committee performance. | That doesn't bode well for your Select Committee performance. |
242 | 00:13:31,440 | 00:13:34,440 | I knew you were bluffing. I admitted it because it's the right thing to do. | I knew you were bluffing. I admitted it because it's the right thing to do. |
243 | 00:13:35,760 | 00:13:38,760 | Not because you'd caught me out. And I caught you out, | Not because you'd caught me out. And I caught you out, |
244 | 00:13:39,000 | 00:13:41,679 | cos you lied about seeing me do it. | cos you lied about seeing me do it. |
245 | 00:13:41,680 | 00:13:43,719 | So, how do you like them apples? | So, how do you like them apples? |
246 | 00:13:43,720 | 00:13:46,720 | - Are you going to admit to this publicly? - What? | - Are you going to admit to this publicly? - What? |
247 | 00:13:47,120 | 00:13:50,120 | No! Are you mad? I can't do that. That mustn't happen. You've got... | No! Are you mad? I can't do that. That mustn't happen. You've got... |
248 | 00:13:51,480 | 00:13:54,480 | - I need you to...to...to... - What? To lie? | - I need you to...to...to... - What? To lie? |
249 | 00:13:54,520 | 00:13:57,520 | It was Derrida who said there is no such thing as empirical truth. | It was Derrida who said there is no such thing as empirical truth. |
250 | 00:13:58,200 | 00:14:01,200 | I'll tell you what Derrida said. He said, ''Go fuck your face, Abbot!'' | I'll tell you what Derrida said. He said, ''Go fuck your face, Abbot!'' |
251 | 00:14:02,280 | 00:14:05,280 | You need to mind your language. It will keep getting you into trouble. | You need to mind your language. It will keep getting you into trouble. |
252 | 00:14:06,080 | 00:14:08,239 | I can't even get out ofthe fucking room! | I can't even get out ofthe fucking room! |
253 | 00:14:08,240 | 00:14:10,159 | (Terri) Excuse me. | (Terri) Excuse me. |
254 | 00:14:10,160 | 00:14:13,160 | Now to the meat ofthe Committee's interest. | Now to the meat ofthe Committee's interest. |
255 | 00:14:13,680 | 00:14:16,680 | You've made quite a U-turn on SEN schools, have you not, Minister? | You've made quite a U-turn on SEN schools, have you not, Minister? |
256 | 00:14:17,720 | 00:14:19,919 | Why have you sold out? | Why have you sold out? |
257 | 00:14:19,920 | 00:14:22,919 | Sold out? That's rather an emotive way ofputting it. | Sold out? That's rather an emotive way ofputting it. |
258 | 00:14:22,920 | 00:14:25,920 | But you are on record as having been in opposition to the policy ofinclusion. | But you are on record as having been in opposition to the policy ofinclusion. |
259 | 00:14:27,040 | 00:14:30,040 | No, it's just that times have changed and I have reassessed the landscape. | No, it's just that times have changed and I have reassessed the landscape. |
260 | 00:14:32,680 | 00:14:35,680 | We now have the funding for academies which will have two behaviour support teachers. | We now have the funding for academies which will have two behaviour support teachers. |
261 | 00:14:39,080 | 00:14:42,080 | - These Super Schools will offer skill clusters... - But we're not interested in that. | - These Super Schools will offer skill clusters... - But we're not interested in that. |
262 | 00:14:43,800 | 00:14:46,800 | What the Committee are curious about is how it is that you've changed your mind, | What the Committee are curious about is how it is that you've changed your mind, |
263 | 00:14:49,880 | 00:14:52,879 | given your opposition to these policies in the past. | given your opposition to these policies in the past. |
264 | 00:14:52,880 | 00:14:55,880 | - Did you seek specialist advice? - Well, naturally. I sought expert advice. | - Did you seek specialist advice? - Well, naturally. I sought expert advice. |
265 | 00:14:58,600 | 00:15:00,279 | Yes. Who? | Yes. Who? |
266 | 00:15:00,280 | 00:15:03,199 | - Roy Smedley. - And? | - Roy Smedley. - And? |
267 | 00:15:03,200 | 00:15:06,200 | And...he was very good. | And...he was very good. |
268 | 00:15:08,000 | 00:15:11,000 | And his was the only advice you took? | And his was the only advice you took? |
269 | 00:15:11,520 | 00:15:14,520 | You saw only one expert? | You saw only one expert? |
270 | 00:15:14,880 | 00:15:17,880 | Yes. | Yes. |
271 | 00:15:19,080 | 00:15:21,999 | And you thought that was enough? Just one? | And you thought that was enough? Just one? |
272 | 00:15:22,000 | 00:15:25,000 | - I tried to find somebody different. - And did you succeed? | - I tried to find somebody different. - And did you succeed? |
273 | 00:15:25,800 | 00:15:27,279 | - No. - No one? | - No. - No one? |
274 | 00:15:27,280 | 00:15:30,280 | No. | No. |
275 | 00:15:30,680 | 00:15:33,680 | - How was that? - I lied to the Select Committee. I lied. | - How was that? - I lied to the Select Committee. I lied. |
276 | 00:15:34,640 | 00:15:37,640 | - Is Tucker in the building? - Malcolm In The Middle. | - Is Tucker in the building? - Malcolm In The Middle. |
277 | 00:15:37,800 | 00:15:40,800 | It's what they're calling him. He can stand in the atrium and shout. | It's what they're calling him. He can stand in the atrium and shout. |
278 | 00:15:41,360 | 00:15:44,360 | I don't want to see him. I can't take one ofhis scenes from The Exorcist just now. | I don't want to see him. I can't take one ofhis scenes from The Exorcist just now. |
279 | 00:15:45,640 | 00:15:48,519 | - I don't think Ballentine's on to anything. - Oh, no? | - I don't think Ballentine's on to anything. - Oh, no? |
280 | 00:15:48,520 | 00:15:51,520 | Well, why did she keep asking, ''Just one expert? Only one? | Well, why did she keep asking, ''Just one expert? Only one? |
281 | 00:15:52,760 | 00:15:55,760 | ''Less than three, but not two?'' Fucking bitch! | ''Less than three, but not two?'' Fucking bitch! |
282 | 00:15:55,800 | 00:15:58,800 | She's trying to throw you offbalance, like a Sumo wrestler. | She's trying to throw you offbalance, like a Sumo wrestler. |
283 | 00:15:59,000 | 00:16:01,679 | It worked. I was on the floor, in a fucking nappy. | It worked. I was on the floor, in a fucking nappy. |
284 | 00:16:01,680 | 00:16:03,839 | Oh, shit, it's Malcolm. | Oh, shit, it's Malcolm. |
285 | 00:16:03,840 | 00:16:06,840 | - A man in his 50s, hiding. - Look, he's gone. Hugh, come out. | - A man in his 50s, hiding. - Look, he's gone. Hugh, come out. |
286 | 00:16:08,920 | 00:16:11,479 | Get it in perspective. It's not a major lie. | Get it in perspective. It's not a major lie. |
287 | 00:16:11,480 | 00:16:14,480 | It's not like you were selling naval secrets down a gay club. | It's not like you were selling naval secrets down a gay club. |
288 | 00:16:14,600 | 00:16:17,600 | - Why does he never laugh with me like that? - (Olly) Lack ofclick? | - Why does he never laugh with me like that? - (Olly) Lack ofclick? |
289 | 00:16:18,480 | 00:16:21,480 | - I thought I was a professional press officer. - I don't know. | - I thought I was a professional press officer. - I don't know. |
290 | 00:16:23,240 | 00:16:24,799 | It just is absolute hell. | It just is absolute hell. |
291 | 00:16:24,800 | 00:16:27,079 | - Hi. - Oh, hello. | - Hi. - Oh, hello. |
292 | 00:16:27,080 | 00:16:30,080 | - How is the... - I'm actually in a bit ofa state here. | - How is the... - I'm actually in a bit ofa state here. |
293 | 00:16:30,600 | 00:16:31,639 | Yeah. I know. | Yeah. I know. |
294 | 00:16:31,640 | 00:16:34,239 | Something cropped up that we need to talk about, | Something cropped up that we need to talk about, |
295 | 00:16:34,240 | 00:16:37,240 | and then afterwards you can get on with whatever... You know. | and then afterwards you can get on with whatever... You know. |
296 | 00:16:37,480 | 00:16:40,480 | - Don't you think that I'm due a bit ofsupport? - Yes, I do, I do. Absolutely. | - Don't you think that I'm due a bit ofsupport? - Yes, I do, I do. Absolutely. |
297 | 00:16:41,440 | 00:16:44,440 | But my Committee thing is actually a bigger deal than your...sweary thing. | But my Committee thing is actually a bigger deal than your...sweary thing. |
298 | 00:16:45,320 | 00:16:48,320 | So, you know...it just is. | So, you know...it just is. |
299 | 00:16:48,960 | 00:16:51,359 | - Hi, Malcolm. - Were you hiding just now? | - Hi, Malcolm. - Were you hiding just now? |
300 | 00:16:51,360 | 00:16:52,759 | No. | No. |
301 | 00:16:52,760 | 00:16:55,760 | Terri, you're giving a press conference in 90 minutes. You're going to apologise. | Terri, you're giving a press conference in 90 minutes. You're going to apologise. |
302 | 00:16:57,080 | 00:16:59,599 | There's your statement. Learn it. | There's your statement. Learn it. |
303 | 00:16:59,600 | 00:17:02,039 | Erm...I organise the press conferences. | Erm...I organise the press conferences. |
304 | 00:17:02,040 | 00:17:04,199 | - I don't give them, normally. - Oh, God! | - I don't give them, normally. - Oh, God! |
305 | 00:17:04,200 | 00:17:07,200 | As you're not used to this, I'll go through it for you. What happens is this. | As you're not used to this, I'll go through it for you. What happens is this. |
306 | 00:17:08,400 | 00:17:11,400 | A bunch ofpress people appear. They have things called cameras and microphones, | A bunch ofpress people appear. They have things called cameras and microphones, |
307 | 00:17:12,600 | 00:17:14,959 | and mobile phones, hangovers and bad breath. | and mobile phones, hangovers and bad breath. |
308 | 00:17:14,960 | 00:17:17,960 | Then you are going to walk out and read from what we call a prepared statement. | Then you are going to walk out and read from what we call a prepared statement. |
309 | 00:17:20,200 | 00:17:21,919 | In that, you will say, | In that, you will say, |
310 | 00:17:21,920 | 00:17:24,920 | ''I'm really fucking sorry for sounding like a hairy arsed docker after 12 pints. | ''I'm really fucking sorry for sounding like a hairy arsed docker after 12 pints. |
311 | 00:17:26,840 | 00:17:29,840 | ''I promise that I will never call an eight-year-old girl a cunt again. | ''I promise that I will never call an eight-year-old girl a cunt again. |
312 | 00:17:30,520 | 00:17:33,520 | ''Can we now just draw a line over this and fucking move on? Thank you.'' | ''Can we now just draw a line over this and fucking move on? Thank you.'' |
313 | 00:17:34,160 | 00:17:36,599 | Everybody goes home and we see what happens. | Everybody goes home and we see what happens. |
314 | 00:17:36,600 | 00:17:39,600 | Best case is you keep your job, although you will be The Sweary Woman ofWhitehall. | Best case is you keep your job, although you will be The Sweary Woman ofWhitehall. |
315 | 00:17:40,960 | 00:17:43,960 | This first Mark Ryan meeting would be in the diary. | This first Mark Ryan meeting would be in the diary. |
316 | 00:17:44,200 | 00:17:47,200 | Do you want us to see ifwe could post that down the memory hole? | Do you want us to see ifwe could post that down the memory hole? |
317 | 00:17:47,360 | 00:17:50,359 | - I mean, diaries do get lost, don't they? - Well, yes. | - I mean, diaries do get lost, don't they? - Well, yes. |
318 | 00:17:50,360 | 00:17:53,360 | - We've lost a few diaries in our time. - Well, erm... | - We've lost a few diaries in our time. - Well, erm... |
319 | 00:17:53,600 | 00:17:56,599 | Listen, do it subtly. I don't want to know about it. | Listen, do it subtly. I don't want to know about it. |
320 | 00:17:56,600 | 00:17:58,879 | - I mean, do it, but don't tell me. - OK. | - I mean, do it, but don't tell me. - OK. |
321 | 00:17:58,880 | 00:18:01,679 | - Do I know? - Yeah. No. I don't know. | - Do I know? - Yeah. No. I don't know. |
322 | 00:18:01,680 | 00:18:04,239 | - Do I? - Don't... You sort it out. | - Do I? - Don't... You sort it out. |
323 | 00:18:04,240 | 00:18:05,639 | Do I know? | Do I know? |
324 | 00:18:05,640 | 00:18:08,640 | Sort it out but don't tell me because I don't want to know. | Sort it out but don't tell me because I don't want to know. |
325 | 00:18:08,760 | 00:18:11,760 | I don't think you quite get it. My life is in tatters. | I don't think you quite get it. My life is in tatters. |
326 | 00:18:11,800 | 00:18:14,800 | Nobody will speak to me at my daughter's school. Why should I lie for Hugh? | Nobody will speak to me at my daughter's school. Why should I lie for Hugh? |
327 | 00:18:16,280 | 00:18:19,280 | Because it's your job to make him look good. | Because it's your job to make him look good. |
328 | 00:18:19,440 | 00:18:22,319 | What kind ofa PR person are you, anyway? | What kind ofa PR person are you, anyway? |
329 | 00:18:22,320 | 00:18:24,799 | I mean, look. Hey, hey, hey, hey! | I mean, look. Hey, hey, hey, hey! |
330 | 00:18:24,800 | 00:18:27,599 | Are you going to take a bad story and make it worse? | Are you going to take a bad story and make it worse? |
331 | 00:18:27,600 | 00:18:29,639 | You say, ''Oh, hi there, everyone. | You say, ''Oh, hi there, everyone. |
332 | 00:18:29,640 | 00:18:32,640 | ''I know this looks bad, but wait till you hear this. | ''I know this looks bad, but wait till you hear this. |
333 | 00:18:32,800 | 00:18:35,800 | ''It was actually the Minister for Social Affairs and Citizenship who called a child a cunt. | ''It was actually the Minister for Social Affairs and Citizenship who called a child a cunt. |
334 | 00:18:37,640 | 00:18:39,919 | ''There you are, it is worse than we thought.'' | ''There you are, it is worse than we thought.'' |
335 | 00:18:39,920 | 00:18:42,920 | Ifyou were to go out there and tell the truth, | Ifyou were to go out there and tell the truth, |
336 | 00:18:45,240 | 00:18:48,079 | it would be morally repugnant. | it would be morally repugnant. |
337 | 00:18:48,080 | 00:18:50,439 | Because you would be condemning | Because you would be condemning |
338 | 00:18:50,440 | 00:18:53,440 | a guy who's doing his fucking best to try and make things better. | a guy who's doing his fucking best to try and make things better. |
339 | 00:18:55,160 | 00:18:57,959 | You'd be condemning him to the scrapheap. | You'd be condemning him to the scrapheap. |
340 | 00:18:57,960 | 00:19:00,319 | (Terri) Right... (Malcolm) OK? | (Terri) Right... (Malcolm) OK? |
341 | 00:19:00,320 | 00:19:02,679 | - Yes. - Good girl. Get Robyn, she'll help you. | - Yes. - Good girl. Get Robyn, she'll help you. |
342 | 00:19:02,680 | 00:19:05,359 | Robyn, can you help her go over her lines? | Robyn, can you help her go over her lines? |
343 | 00:19:05,360 | 00:19:08,360 | It was interesting, watching you talking about the truth, | It was interesting, watching you talking about the truth, |
344 | 00:19:08,600 | 00:19:11,600 | because I had a similar problem today, funnily enough. | because I had a similar problem today, funnily enough. |
345 | 00:19:12,160 | 00:19:13,479 | Really? | Really? |
346 | 00:19:13,480 | 00:19:16,480 | At the Committee, I didn't... Well, unwittingly, I didn't tell the entire truth. | At the Committee, I didn't... Well, unwittingly, I didn't tell the entire truth. |
347 | 00:19:18,920 | 00:19:21,679 | - You lied? To Claire Ballentine? - Yeah. | - You lied? To Claire Ballentine? - Yeah. |
348 | 00:19:21,680 | 00:19:23,199 | Does she know? | Does she know? |
349 | 00:19:23,200 | 00:19:26,200 | - I don't think so. She couldn't possibly. - That doesn't matter, then. | - I don't think so. She couldn't possibly. - That doesn't matter, then. |
350 | 00:19:26,960 | 00:19:29,960 | I lied to the Select Committee. It's like lying to the House. | I lied to the Select Committee. It's like lying to the House. |
351 | 00:19:30,240 | 00:19:33,240 | Yeah, I know. But ifshe doesn't know, then it doesn't matter, Hugh. | Yeah, I know. But ifshe doesn't know, then it doesn't matter, Hugh. |
352 | 00:19:34,000 | 00:19:37,000 | Excuse me, but I can't be fielding calls. I have got a lot oflines to learn. | Excuse me, but I can't be fielding calls. I have got a lot oflines to learn. |
353 | 00:19:37,960 | 00:19:40,960 | It's Ballentine's office. They want Departmental diaries from the last 12 weeks. | It's Ballentine's office. They want Departmental diaries from the last 12 weeks. |
354 | 00:19:42,200 | 00:19:44,519 | - Shit! - She's on to us, she must be. | - Shit! - She's on to us, she must be. |
355 | 00:19:44,520 | 00:19:46,479 | - Why else... - Have you got the diaries? | - Why else... - Have you got the diaries? |
356 | 00:19:46,480 | 00:19:49,079 | Yes, in a sense. | Yes, in a sense. |
357 | 00:19:49,080 | 00:19:52,080 | Olly might be doing something with the diaries I don't know about because he hasn't told me. | Olly might be doing something with the diaries I don't know about because he hasn't told me. |
358 | 00:19:55,040 | 00:19:58,040 | Well, you get him to undo what you don't know he's doing. | Well, you get him to undo what you don't know he's doing. |
359 | 00:19:58,080 | 00:20:01,080 | - I can't. I don't know he's doing it. - Hugh, go and get Olly and Glenn in here. | - I can't. I don't know he's doing it. - Hugh, go and get Olly and Glenn in here. |
360 | 00:20:02,440 | 00:20:05,440 | This is serious. You have lied to a Select Committee. | This is serious. You have lied to a Select Committee. |
361 | 00:20:05,600 | 00:20:08,159 | - I told you that. - That's like lying to the House. | - I told you that. - That's like lying to the House. |
362 | 00:20:08,160 | 00:20:10,799 | - That's what I said. - They're on to you! | - That's what I said. - They're on to you! |
363 | 00:20:10,800 | 00:20:12,679 | - Yes! - Jesus Christ! | - Yes! - Jesus Christ! |
364 | 00:20:12,680 | 00:20:15,680 | - Malcolm, do you think this is too bright? - It's too bright. | - Malcolm, do you think this is too bright? - It's too bright. |
365 | 00:20:16,040 | 00:20:19,040 | Can you please, Robyn, go to the Sketchley concession and get my grey suit? Now. | Can you please, Robyn, go to the Sketchley concession and get my grey suit? Now. |
366 | 00:20:20,440 | 00:20:23,440 | Do I look ten? Do I look like I'm on some bloody... | Do I look ten? Do I look like I'm on some bloody... |
367 | 00:20:23,480 | 00:20:26,480 | Please, just do it. Get the suit. | Please, just do it. Get the suit. |
368 | 00:20:26,840 | 00:20:29,719 | - Can I have the money? - Don't you get paid? | - Can I have the money? - Don't you get paid? |
369 | 00:20:29,720 | 00:20:30,799 | Have you got the diaries? | Have you got the diaries? |
370 | 00:20:30,800 | 00:20:32,279 | - Yes. - I don't know. | - Yes. - I don't know. |
371 | 00:20:32,280 | 00:20:35,280 | - We've not shredded anything. - I don't want to hear this. | - We've not shredded anything. - I don't want to hear this. |
372 | 00:20:35,760 | 00:20:38,760 | Hugh, take your fingers out ofyour fucking ears. | Hugh, take your fingers out ofyour fucking ears. |
373 | 00:20:38,800 | 00:20:41,800 | You're going to go to the Committee tomorrow and you're going to apologise. | You're going to go to the Committee tomorrow and you're going to apologise. |
374 | 00:20:42,920 | 00:20:45,920 | I'll tell them I forgot. Forgetting's an involuntary thing. It's like farting. | I'll tell them I forgot. Forgetting's an involuntary thing. It's like farting. |
375 | 00:20:47,240 | 00:20:48,719 | (Rapping on glass) | (Rapping on glass) |
376 | 00:20:48,720 | 00:20:50,919 | (Terri) Malcolm! | (Terri) Malcolm! |
377 | 00:20:50,920 | 00:20:53,920 | - What? - You were meant to be dealing with me. | - What? - You were meant to be dealing with me. |
378 | 00:20:54,480 | 00:20:57,480 | The worst that can happen to you is you'll lose your job. | The worst that can happen to you is you'll lose your job. |
379 | 00:20:57,520 | 00:21:00,119 | - I'm going to lose my reputation. - Oh, just grow up. | - I'm going to lose my reputation. - Oh, just grow up. |
380 | 00:21:00,120 | 00:21:03,120 | - You should be doing the growing up. - I am a fucking grown-up. | - You should be doing the growing up. - I am a fucking grown-up. |
381 | 00:21:03,280 | 00:21:06,280 | - You could have fooled me! - Glenn's son could have fooled you. | - You could have fooled me! - Glenn's son could have fooled you. |
382 | 00:21:06,400 | 00:21:07,959 | No offence, Glenn. | No offence, Glenn. |
383 | 00:21:07,960 | 00:21:10,960 | You two get the paper trail sorted and get your story sorted out. | You two get the paper trail sorted and get your story sorted out. |
384 | 00:21:11,280 | 00:21:13,319 | I'm sorry, can you stop swearing? | I'm sorry, can you stop swearing? |
385 | 00:21:13,320 | 00:21:16,320 | I'm really sorry. You won't hear any more swearing from us, you massive, gay shite! | I'm really sorry. You won't hear any more swearing from us, you massive, gay shite! |
386 | 00:21:19,280 | 00:21:22,119 | Fuck off! | Fuck off! |
387 | 00:21:22,120 | 00:21:25,120 | Right, how are you doing in sorting out whether he lied or not? | Right, how are you doing in sorting out whether he lied or not? |
388 | 00:21:26,320 | 00:21:28,159 | - Pretty well. - Is that a lie? | - Pretty well. - Is that a lie? |
389 | 00:21:28,160 | 00:21:30,919 | - Yeah. - That is not fucking funny, you retard. | - Yeah. - That is not fucking funny, you retard. |
390 | 00:21:30,920 | 00:21:33,759 | I'm sorry about that, Glenn. The situation just... | I'm sorry about that, Glenn. The situation just... |
391 | 00:21:33,760 | 00:21:36,760 | Here she comes. | Here she comes. |
392 | 00:21:42,040 | 00:21:43,439 | (Hugh) That fucking sofa! | (Hugh) That fucking sofa! |
393 | 00:21:43,440 | 00:21:46,440 | I would like to offer mysincere and unreserved apologies | I would like to offer mysincere and unreserved apologies |
394 | 00:21:47,760 | 00:21:50,760 | for the terrible outrage caused by the e-mail that I sent. | for the terrible outrage caused by the e-mail that I sent. |
395 | 00:21:51,400 | 00:21:54,400 | It was never meant to be read by anybody other than the intended recipient. | It was never meant to be read by anybody other than the intended recipient. |
396 | 00:21:57,720 | 00:22:00,399 | - I understand that the... - Oh, for... | - I understand that the... - Oh, for... |
397 | 00:22:00,400 | 00:22:02,519 | - What the hell's he... - Twat! | - What the hell's he... - Twat! |
398 | 00:22:02,520 | 00:22:04,559 | ..language I used in the e-mail... | ..language I used in the e-mail... |
399 | 00:22:04,560 | 00:22:07,560 | He doesn't realise that ifyou walk in front ofthe camera... | He doesn't realise that ifyou walk in front ofthe camera... |
400 | 00:22:07,800 | 00:22:10,800 | ..like that in an internal departmental conversation, | ..like that in an internal departmental conversation, |
401 | 00:22:11,040 | 00:22:13,079 | or any conversation. | or any conversation. |
402 | 00:22:13,080 | 00:22:16,080 | I wish I had neversent the e-mail, | I wish I had neversent the e-mail, |
403 | 00:22:16,600 | 00:22:19,600 | and indeed, I find it hard to believe that I did. | and indeed, I find it hard to believe that I did. |
404 | 00:22:19,760 | 00:22:22,039 | Whoa, she's gone offscript here. | Whoa, she's gone offscript here. |
405 | 00:22:22,040 | 00:22:24,479 | Fucking hell, Terri, what...? | Fucking hell, Terri, what...? |
406 | 00:22:24,480 | 00:22:27,480 | ..momentarylapse in restraint...and that... | ..momentarylapse in restraint...and that... |
407 | 00:22:29,680 | 00:22:32,279 | - OK, we're back on track. - Thank God. | - OK, we're back on track. - Thank God. |
408 | 00:22:32,280 | 00:22:35,280 | ..and I wish to apologise that I've let down | ..and I wish to apologise that I've let down |
409 | 00:22:36,000 | 00:22:39,000 | the electorate, the minister, my colleagues, | the electorate, the minister, my colleagues, |
410 | 00:22:41,120 | 00:22:44,120 | - my own family... - (Glenn) Even though halfofthem are dead. | - my own family... - (Glenn) Even though halfofthem are dead. |
411 | 00:22:44,520 | 00:22:46,999 | ..and indeed, the voters ofthe future... | ..and indeed, the voters ofthe future... |
412 | 00:22:47,000 | 00:22:48,799 | - Our children. - ..our children. | - Our children. - ..our children. |
413 | 00:22:48,800 | 00:22:50,319 | Now get off. | Now get off. |
414 | 00:22:50,320 | 00:22:53,320 | Brilliant, Malcolm. Fucking stunning. Well done, mate. | Brilliant, Malcolm. Fucking stunning. Well done, mate. |
415 | 00:22:54,960 | 00:22:57,960 | OK, we've got to get upstairs and start rehearsing for tomorrow's Select Committee. | OK, we've got to get upstairs and start rehearsing for tomorrow's Select Committee. |
416 | 00:22:59,640 | 00:23:02,640 | I'm never going to get out of this fucking building, am I? | I'm never going to get out of this fucking building, am I? |
417 | 00:23:03,800 | 00:23:06,800 | Do you remember when I came to see Peter's concert at his school? | Do you remember when I came to see Peter's concert at his school? |
418 | 00:23:07,160 | 00:23:10,160 | His face? The pride he had when he played? | His face? The pride he had when he played? |
419 | 00:23:10,840 | 00:23:13,479 | - His face etched in my memory. - Yeah? | - His face etched in my memory. - Yeah? |
420 | 00:23:13,480 | 00:23:15,119 | Fucking unbearable. | Fucking unbearable. |
421 | 00:23:15,120 | 00:23:18,120 | That's why I needed Malcolm's expert to try and wipe it from my mind. | That's why I needed Malcolm's expert to try and wipe it from my mind. |
422 | 00:23:19,320 | 00:23:22,320 | - It hasn't really worked, though. - Hugh, mate, don't panic. | - It hasn't really worked, though. - Hugh, mate, don't panic. |
423 | 00:23:22,920 | 00:23:25,920 | You'll manage. Just do what you have to do. Whatever you have to do, do it. | You'll manage. Just do what you have to do. Whatever you have to do, do it. |
424 | 00:23:27,360 | 00:23:30,360 | Just make sure that you don't get sweat on your upper lip. It makes you look guilty. | Just make sure that you don't get sweat on your upper lip. It makes you look guilty. |
425 | 00:23:31,640 | 00:23:33,799 | - What am I supposed to do? - I've no idea. | - What am I supposed to do? - I've no idea. |
426 | 00:23:33,800 | 00:23:36,800 | But ifyou sweat, it makes your face look like Spam. | But ifyou sweat, it makes your face look like Spam. |
427 | 00:23:37,160 | 00:23:40,160 | It has come to the Committee's notice that you did not see just one special adviser, | It has come to the Committee's notice that you did not see just one special adviser, |
428 | 00:23:42,240 | 00:23:45,240 | as you told us in your previous appearance, but two. | as you told us in your previous appearance, but two. |
429 | 00:23:46,800 | 00:23:49,159 | Why did you omit to mention that fact? | Why did you omit to mention that fact? |
430 | 00:23:49,160 | 00:23:52,160 | Yes, I apologise unreservedly for that oversight. | Yes, I apologise unreservedly for that oversight. |
431 | 00:23:53,160 | 00:23:56,160 | - I forgot. - Are you forgetful generally? | - I forgot. - Are you forgetful generally? |
432 | 00:23:56,480 | 00:23:59,480 | Well, it's hard to know... erm...how forgetful one is. | Well, it's hard to know... erm...how forgetful one is. |
433 | 00:24:01,080 | 00:24:04,080 | You'd have to remember all the things you'd remembered and forgotten. | You'd have to remember all the things you'd remembered and forgotten. |
434 | 00:24:05,600 | 00:24:08,239 | And how could I remember what I've forgotten, | And how could I remember what I've forgotten, |
435 | 00:24:08,240 | 00:24:10,679 | because I've forgotten it by definition? | because I've forgotten it by definition? |
436 | 00:24:10,680 | 00:24:13,680 | I'm pretty good. IfI see a picture ofthe Queen, I can put a name to a face. | I'm pretty good. IfI see a picture ofthe Queen, I can put a name to a face. |
437 | 00:24:14,520 | 00:24:17,520 | And ifI see a movie, I don't sit there, going, ''Who's that one? The copper or the pirate?'' | And ifI see a movie, I don't sit there, going, ''Who's that one? The copper or the pirate?'' |
438 | 00:24:20,680 | 00:24:23,680 | So you just accidentally told a slight untruth? | So you just accidentally told a slight untruth? |
439 | 00:24:24,000 | 00:24:27,000 | I... My statement was unintentionally not a truthful statement. | I... My statement was unintentionally not a truthful statement. |
440 | 00:24:29,160 | 00:24:32,160 | - I...I...I slightly misled... - You completely misled. | - I...I...I slightly misled... - You completely misled. |
441 | 00:24:32,520 | 00:24:35,520 | I misled the Committee and I have apologised for that. | I misled the Committee and I have apologised for that. |
442 | 00:24:36,200 | 00:24:38,519 | Are you lying now about not lying before? | Are you lying now about not lying before? |
443 | 00:24:38,520 | 00:24:41,520 | Erm...no. I am not a liar. | Erm...no. I am not a liar. |
444 | 00:24:41,560 | 00:24:44,560 | I categorically did not knowingly...not tell the truth. | I categorically did not knowingly...not tell the truth. |
445 | 00:24:46,560 | 00:24:49,560 | Even though unknowingly I might not have done. | Even though unknowingly I might not have done. |
446 | 00:24:50,520 | 00:24:53,520 | In fact, I wanted to come back and apologise to the Committee... | In fact, I wanted to come back and apologise to the Committee... |
447 | 00:24:53,720 | 00:24:56,720 | Glad to be ofservice, but you didn't want to come back, Minister. | Glad to be ofservice, but you didn't want to come back, Minister. |
448 | 00:24:57,040 | 00:24:59,279 | You were told to come back. | You were told to come back. |
449 | 00:24:59,280 | 00:25:02,280 | The last thing in the world you wanted was to come back, given how busy you have been. | The last thing in the world you wanted was to come back, given how busy you have been. |
450 | 00:25:04,640 | 00:25:07,640 | Interestingly enough, we do notice from your diaries that your meeting with Roy Smedley | Interestingly enough, we do notice from your diaries that your meeting with Roy Smedley |
451 | 00:25:10,040 | 00:25:13,040 | seems to have taken place at almost the same time as the notorious sweary e-mail was sent. | seems to have taken place at almost the same time as the notorious sweary e-mail was sent. |
452 | 00:25:15,480 | 00:25:18,480 | And I was in that meeting, so I couldn't possibly have sent it. | And I was in that meeting, so I couldn't possibly have sent it. |
453 | 00:25:19,240 | 00:25:22,240 | I wasn't suggesting... It was your ChiefPress Officer. | I wasn't suggesting... It was your ChiefPress Officer. |
454 | 00:25:22,280 | 00:25:25,159 | Yes, it was. And her father's just died. | Yes, it was. And her father's just died. |
455 | 00:25:25,160 | 00:25:27,679 | I'm sorry to hear that. No one was suggesting... | I'm sorry to hear that. No one was suggesting... |
456 | 00:25:27,680 | 00:25:30,680 | No, no, and quite right, too. But you know what people are like. | No, no, and quite right, too. But you know what people are like. |
457 | 00:25:31,280 | 00:25:33,999 | Going back to my, erm...initial concern, | Going back to my, erm...initial concern, |
458 | 00:25:34,000 | 00:25:37,000 | it would now seem that the two meetings you had with the two special education advisers | it would now seem that the two meetings you had with the two special education advisers |
459 | 00:25:39,440 | 00:25:42,440 | provided you with two opposing verdicts on this particular issue. | provided you with two opposing verdicts on this particular issue. |
460 | 00:25:43,000 | 00:25:44,519 | Yet you came up with one. | Yet you came up with one. |
461 | 00:25:44,520 | 00:25:47,520 | So would it be therefore true to say that the Government is intent on pushing this through | So would it be therefore true to say that the Government is intent on pushing this through |
462 | 00:25:49,560 | 00:25:52,119 | regardless ofwhat anyone says? | regardless ofwhat anyone says? |
463 | 00:25:52,120 | 00:25:55,120 | No. We wanted two opinions because we wanted to start a debate. | No. We wanted two opinions because we wanted to start a debate. |
464 | 00:25:56,160 | 00:25:59,160 | Not much ofa debate ifyou ignore one and just go with the other. | Not much ofa debate ifyou ignore one and just go with the other. |
465 | 00:25:59,360 | 00:26:02,360 | It's a personal thing, but ifgovernment isn't personal, then what the hell is it? | It's a personal thing, but ifgovernment isn't personal, then what the hell is it? |
466 | 00:26:04,560 | 00:26:07,560 | My senior adviser, Glenn Cullen, | My senior adviser, Glenn Cullen, |
467 | 00:26:07,720 | 00:26:10,720 | has a son, his name is Peter, | has a son, his name is Peter, |
468 | 00:26:11,640 | 00:26:14,640 | and he has special educational needs. | and he has special educational needs. |
469 | 00:26:15,160 | 00:26:18,160 | Glenn obviously wouldn't say anything about it. He's far too professional. | Glenn obviously wouldn't say anything about it. He's far too professional. |
470 | 00:26:19,080 | 00:26:22,080 | But I had the privilege ofgoing down with Glenn to Peter's SEN school, | But I had the privilege ofgoing down with Glenn to Peter's SEN school, |
471 | 00:26:25,760 | 00:26:28,760 | and watched Peter playing the trombone in the school orchestra. | and watched Peter playing the trombone in the school orchestra. |
472 | 00:26:30,880 | 00:26:33,559 | It wasn't very good. | It wasn't very good. |
473 | 00:26:33,560 | 00:26:36,560 | Erm... He struggled manfully. | Erm... He struggled manfully. |
474 | 00:26:37,000 | 00:26:40,000 | And Glenn leaned over to me, and he said, | And Glenn leaned over to me, and he said, |
475 | 00:26:40,560 | 00:26:43,560 | you know, ''Ifonly this was a Super School.'' | you know, ''Ifonly this was a Super School.'' |
476 | 00:26:44,280 | 00:26:47,279 | Inclusion is not an illusion. | Inclusion is not an illusion. |
477 | 00:26:47,280 | 00:26:49,039 | And... | And... |
478 | 00:26:49,040 | 00:26:51,639 | I think that tipped the balance for me. | I think that tipped the balance for me. |
479 | 00:26:51,640 | 00:26:54,640 | It's a personal thing. | It's a personal thing. |
480 | 00:26:59,000 | 00:27:02,000 | (Glenn exhaling) | (Glenn exhaling) |
481 | 00:27:03,960 | 00:27:06,359 | - Say something. - Well, what is to say? | - Say something. - Well, what is to say? |
482 | 00:27:06,360 | 00:27:09,360 | - I can't believe you did that. - You said do what you have to do. | - I can't believe you did that. - You said do what you have to do. |
483 | 00:27:10,160 | 00:27:12,879 | I know. I understand that, and I know nothing is sacred. | I know. I understand that, and I know nothing is sacred. |
484 | 00:27:12,880 | 00:27:15,880 | - But I didn't mean for you to do that. - Were you misleading me? | - But I didn't mean for you to do that. - Were you misleading me? |
485 | 00:27:17,080 | 00:27:20,080 | - Don't give me that bollocks. - I...I'm sorry. OK? I'm really sorry. | - Don't give me that bollocks. - I...I'm sorry. OK? I'm really sorry. |
486 | 00:27:22,640 | 00:27:25,439 | Do you know, I wish I'd kept Peter's trombone. | Do you know, I wish I'd kept Peter's trombone. |
487 | 00:27:25,440 | 00:27:28,440 | IfI had, I'd shove it up your arse, wide end first. | IfI had, I'd shove it up your arse, wide end first. |
488 | 00:27:29,120 | 00:27:32,120 | Listen, you're the best senior adviser anybody could want, and... | Listen, you're the best senior adviser anybody could want, and... |
489 | 00:27:34,080 | 00:27:36,079 | Come on, you're my best pal. | Come on, you're my best pal. |
490 | 00:27:36,080 | 00:27:39,080 | - OK. - So, am I...? | - OK. - So, am I...? |
491 | 00:27:44,360 | 00:27:47,360 | (Hugh) Hello. Are you all right? | (Hugh) Hello. Are you all right? |
492 | 00:27:47,880 | 00:27:50,879 | Very strong performance, by the way, the apology. | Very strong performance, by the way, the apology. |
493 | 00:27:50,880 | 00:27:53,879 | So you think you can get round me with compliments, do you? | So you think you can get round me with compliments, do you? |
494 | 00:27:53,880 | 00:27:56,879 | I understand I'm not your favourite chocolate in the box, | I understand I'm not your favourite chocolate in the box, |
495 | 00:27:56,880 | 00:27:59,880 | but I appreciate everything, and I will fight for you, irrespective ofwhat you did. | but I appreciate everything, and I will fight for you, irrespective ofwhat you did. |
496 | 00:28:01,960 | 00:28:04,960 | What I did? I didn't do it, Hugh! Do you remember? You sent the e-mail! | What I did? I didn't do it, Hugh! Do you remember? You sent the e-mail! |
497 | 00:28:06,880 | 00:28:08,319 | - I forgot. - Forgot? | - I forgot. - Forgot? |
498 | 00:28:08,320 | 00:28:11,320 | No, not forgot. I can't get anything right at the moment. I'm going to go away. | No, not forgot. I can't get anything right at the moment. I'm going to go away. |
499 | 00:28:12,280 | 00:28:15,280 | Go to the gents. Look at the man standing in front ofyou in the mirror, | Go to the gents. Look at the man standing in front ofyou in the mirror, |
500 | 00:28:16,640 | 00:28:19,640 | and say, ''Can I live with him? Can I?'' | and say, ''Can I live with him? Can I?'' |
501 | 00:28:19,880 | 00:28:22,279 | - You're in there. - I don't know what else can go wrong. | - You're in there. - I don't know what else can go wrong. |
502 | 00:28:22,280 | 00:28:25,280 | Unless the energy system sets fire to my office and puts it out | Unless the energy system sets fire to my office and puts it out |
503 | 00:28:25,440 | 00:28:28,279 | by squirting liquefied shit through the sprinklers. | by squirting liquefied shit through the sprinklers. |
504 | 00:28:28,280 | 00:28:30,639 | - Malcolm's coming this way. - Oh, God. | - Malcolm's coming this way. - Oh, God. |
505 | 00:28:30,640 | 00:28:33,640 | Check out. Malcolm Tucker is leaving the building. | Check out. Malcolm Tucker is leaving the building. |
506 | 00:28:34,680 | 00:28:37,680 | - Oh, right. - I want to say well done, you slippery fuck. | - Oh, right. - I want to say well done, you slippery fuck. |
507 | 00:28:38,880 | 00:28:41,880 | You should be able to weasel your way out and come back smelling like a perfumed trollop. | You should be able to weasel your way out and come back smelling like a perfumed trollop. |
508 | 00:28:42,960 | 00:28:44,359 | - Thank you. - No problem. | - Thank you. - No problem. |
509 | 00:28:44,360 | 00:28:47,360 | Hey, I'm going to have a swear box installed on Monday, by the way. | Hey, I'm going to have a swear box installed on Monday, by the way. |
510 | 00:28:48,120 | 00:28:50,559 | - What? - Fucking joking, you twat. | - What? - Fucking joking, you twat. |
511 | 00:28:50,560 | 00:28:51,839 | Right. | Right. |
512 | 00:28:51,840 | 00:28:53,879 | - I'm in turbo. Laters. - Yeah. | - I'm in turbo. Laters. - Yeah. |
513 | 00:28:53,880 | 00:28:56,079 | (Malcolm) Oi! How're you doing? | (Malcolm) Oi! How're you doing? |
514 | 00:28:56,080 | 00:28:58,119 | (Heavy sigh) | (Heavy sigh) |