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1 | 00:00:00,440 | 00:00:03,440 | No, Derek, I'm not presuming anything. It's up to the PM. I'll go wherever he wants. | No, Derek, I'm not presuming anything. It's up to the PM. I'll go wherever he wants. |
2 | 00:00:04,880 | 00:00:06,639 | I'm going to have to go. Bye-bye. | I'm going to have to go. Bye-bye. |
3 | 00:00:06,640 | 00:00:08,719 | - Good morning. - Morning, Minister. | - Good morning. - Morning, Minister. |
4 | 00:00:08,720 | 00:00:11,720 | - Are you just offto your 8:30 with Malcolm? - Yep, yep. | - Are you just offto your 8:30 with Malcolm? - Yep, yep. |
5 | 00:00:11,760 | 00:00:14,639 | - First one? - Into the lion's den, viper's pit. | - First one? - Into the lion's den, viper's pit. |
6 | 00:00:14,640 | 00:00:17,479 | The belly ofthe beast, the lair ofthe white worm. | The belly ofthe beast, the lair ofthe white worm. |
7 | 00:00:17,480 | 00:00:19,479 | - The eye ofthe snake. - Hmm. | - The eye ofthe snake. - Hmm. |
8 | 00:00:19,480 | 00:00:22,480 | - Not all departments get asked to the 8:30. - That's true. | - Not all departments get asked to the 8:30. - That's true. |
9 | 00:00:22,720 | 00:00:25,439 | It's an honour to be in there with the big hitters. | It's an honour to be in there with the big hitters. |
10 | 00:00:25,440 | 00:00:27,719 | Always best to be inside the tent, pissing out. | Always best to be inside the tent, pissing out. |
11 | 00:00:27,720 | 00:00:30,720 | Ifyou were doing this over at Environment and Rural Affairs | Ifyou were doing this over at Environment and Rural Affairs |
12 | 00:00:31,600 | 00:00:34,399 | at 8:30 you'd be very much outside the tent. | at 8:30 you'd be very much outside the tent. |
13 | 00:00:34,400 | 00:00:36,879 | - Probably at Coffee Republic. - Covered in piss. | - Probably at Coffee Republic. - Covered in piss. |
14 | 00:00:36,880 | 00:00:39,880 | Good luck. You'll be fine. You don't need good luck. | Good luck. You'll be fine. You don't need good luck. |
15 | 00:00:40,400 | 00:00:42,439 | - Yeah. - What about the...piss? | - Yeah. - What about the...piss? |
16 | 00:00:42,440 | 00:00:44,679 | - It's a figure ofspeech. - I'd better go. | - It's a figure ofspeech. - I'd better go. |
17 | 00:00:44,680 | 00:00:46,359 | - See you later, Robyn. - OK. | - See you later, Robyn. - OK. |
18 | 00:00:46,360 | 00:00:48,959 | - I'm sure there's a way of... - Robyn! | - I'm sure there's a way of... - Robyn! |
19 | 00:00:48,960 | 00:00:51,960 | Robyn, sorry. Could you try and pick up any signals you can from Malcolm about the erm... | Robyn, sorry. Could you try and pick up any signals you can from Malcolm about the erm... |
20 | 00:00:56,680 | 00:00:58,999 | about the reshuffle? | about the reshuffle? |
21 | 00:00:59,000 | 00:01:02,000 | - I've really got to go. I don't want to be late. - God, don't be late. | - I've really got to go. I don't want to be late. - God, don't be late. |
22 | 00:01:02,520 | 00:01:04,759 | Apparently, they shout at the last one in. | Apparently, they shout at the last one in. |
23 | 00:01:04,760 | 00:01:07,719 | Ifanyone shouts at you, they'll have to answer to me. | Ifanyone shouts at you, they'll have to answer to me. |
24 | 00:01:07,720 | 00:01:10,720 | I'll box his ears. | I'll box his ears. |
25 | 00:01:12,320 | 00:01:15,320 | Box his ears? Ifthat was flirting, that was absolutely crap. Box his ears? | Box his ears? Ifthat was flirting, that was absolutely crap. Box his ears? |
26 | 00:01:16,760 | 00:01:19,119 | How long is it since you've had sex? | How long is it since you've had sex? |
27 | 00:01:19,120 | 00:01:22,120 | That is between me and my internet service provider. | That is between me and my internet service provider. |
28 | 00:01:22,760 | 00:01:25,439 | - Anyway, about this... - You've gone red, Glenn. | - Anyway, about this... - You've gone red, Glenn. |
29 | 00:01:25,440 | 00:01:27,839 | You have. Look, you've gone red. | You have. Look, you've gone red. |
30 | 00:01:27,840 | 00:01:30,759 | - I have not gone red. That's red. - Yeah! | - I have not gone red. That's red. - Yeah! |
31 | 00:01:30,760 | 00:01:33,359 | Look, he can hardly walk properly. | Look, he can hardly walk properly. |
32 | 00:01:33,360 | 00:01:36,079 | - Morning, morning, morning! - (All) Morning. | - Morning, morning, morning! - (All) Morning. |
33 | 00:01:36,080 | 00:01:37,799 | OK. I want to have a bit ofa think | OK. I want to have a bit ofa think |
34 | 00:01:37,800 | 00:01:40,800 | about some ofour presentational issues with regard to yesterday. | about some ofour presentational issues with regard to yesterday. |
35 | 00:01:41,360 | 00:01:44,360 | There seems to have been a problem last night with Liam on Newsnight. | There seems to have been a problem last night with Liam on Newsnight. |
36 | 00:01:45,200 | 00:01:48,200 | I want to know why did we have a minister on who did not appear to know their lines. | I want to know why did we have a minister on who did not appear to know their lines. |
37 | 00:01:50,720 | 00:01:53,720 | - It's not his fault. We grilled him beforehand. - Grilled? | - It's not his fault. We grilled him beforehand. - Grilled? |
38 | 00:01:53,960 | 00:01:56,559 | - He's got a new baby. - I don't care. | - He's got a new baby. - I don't care. |
39 | 00:01:56,560 | 00:01:59,560 | I don't care ifhe's tired. He looked like he didn't know what he was talking about. | I don't care ifhe's tired. He looked like he didn't know what he was talking about. |
40 | 00:02:00,400 | 00:02:03,400 | Now, I know he doesn't, but he's got to appear as ifhe does, right? | Now, I know he doesn't, but he's got to appear as ifhe does, right? |
41 | 00:02:03,960 | 00:02:06,079 | And that is your job, and your job. | And that is your job, and your job. |
42 | 00:02:06,080 | 00:02:09,080 | And yours and yours and yours and yours and yours and yours and yours. | And yours and yours and yours and yours and yours and yours and yours. |
43 | 00:02:10,000 | 00:02:13,000 | With all due respect to ministers, give them the lines. Right? | With all due respect to ministers, give them the lines. Right? |
44 | 00:02:15,120 | 00:02:17,919 | Give them all the lines to say? | Give them all the lines to say? |
45 | 00:02:17,920 | 00:02:20,920 | This is the delightful Robyn. She's just with us today. | This is the delightful Robyn. She's just with us today. |
46 | 00:02:22,040 | 00:02:25,040 | She's standing in for Terri at the Department ofSocial Affairs. So be gentle with her. | She's standing in for Terri at the Department ofSocial Affairs. So be gentle with her. |
47 | 00:02:27,360 | 00:02:30,079 | No remarks about the Department ofStuffed Anuses, | No remarks about the Department ofStuffed Anuses, |
48 | 00:02:30,080 | 00:02:33,080 | or the Department ofStupid Announcements or the Department ofSod All. | or the Department ofStupid Announcements or the Department ofSod All. |
49 | 00:02:34,800 | 00:02:37,559 | - Right, next. - Reshuffle? | - Right, next. - Reshuffle? |
50 | 00:02:37,560 | 00:02:40,560 | Yes, there is a pending reshuffle. I can see we're not going to get anything past you. | Yes, there is a pending reshuffle. I can see we're not going to get anything past you. |
51 | 00:02:42,240 | 00:02:45,240 | There was a young girl from DOSA who helped herselfto a samosa. | There was a young girl from DOSA who helped herselfto a samosa. |
52 | 00:02:46,480 | 00:02:48,919 | Argh! Next time I'll come up with something. | Argh! Next time I'll come up with something. |
53 | 00:02:48,920 | 00:02:50,679 | Just a bit offun. | Just a bit offun. |
54 | 00:02:50,680 | 00:02:53,680 | Yes, the reshuffle. No, yes, definitely, we don't know anything. | Yes, the reshuffle. No, yes, definitely, we don't know anything. |
55 | 00:02:54,280 | 00:02:57,280 | I don't know anything, so we can't say anything. | I don't know anything, so we can't say anything. |
56 | 00:02:57,480 | 00:02:59,839 | But even ifwe did, we wouldn't. | But even ifwe did, we wouldn't. |
57 | 00:02:59,840 | 00:03:02,559 | But we don't, so we both can't and won't. | But we don't, so we both can't and won't. |
58 | 00:03:02,560 | 00:03:05,560 | Last Cabinet before reshuffle. How do you think I should... | Last Cabinet before reshuffle. How do you think I should... |
59 | 00:03:06,000 | 00:03:09,000 | Should I go in there with all guns blazing, new policy ideas, and do a big ha cha cha cha cha? | Should I go in there with all guns blazing, new policy ideas, and do a big ha cha cha cha cha? |
60 | 00:03:11,400 | 00:03:14,400 | - Or should I be more hmmm, like Buddha? - You don't have to do either. | - Or should I be more hmmm, like Buddha? - You don't have to do either. |
61 | 00:03:16,040 | 00:03:19,040 | You could just sort ofnod quietly, nod wisely every so often, | You could just sort ofnod quietly, nod wisely every so often, |
62 | 00:03:19,600 | 00:03:22,600 | and then just have a policy in your back pocket, just in case... | and then just have a policy in your back pocket, just in case... |
63 | 00:03:23,040 | 00:03:26,039 | What's the policy I've got in my back pocket? | What's the policy I've got in my back pocket? |
64 | 00:03:26,040 | 00:03:29,040 | Tripling the number ofquiet carriages on Intercity trains. | Tripling the number ofquiet carriages on Intercity trains. |
65 | 00:03:29,680 | 00:03:32,680 | Oh, wow! What a big, exciting hard-on moment that's going to be! | Oh, wow! What a big, exciting hard-on moment that's going to be! |
66 | 00:03:33,880 | 00:03:36,880 | - That's not bad. Did you just think ofthat? - Like that. | - That's not bad. Did you just think ofthat? - Like that. |
67 | 00:03:37,640 | 00:03:39,199 | Hugh. | Hugh. |
68 | 00:03:39,200 | 00:03:42,200 | - After Cabinet, you are going to...? - Talk to Tucker? | - After Cabinet, you are going to...? - Talk to Tucker? |
69 | 00:03:43,120 | 00:03:44,919 | - About the reshuffle? - Yeah. | - About the reshuffle? - Yeah. |
70 | 00:03:44,920 | 00:03:47,920 | I'll slip it in during the conversation. Much as you're intending to do with Robyn, I suspect. | I'll slip it in during the conversation. Much as you're intending to do with Robyn, I suspect. |
71 | 00:03:50,280 | 00:03:53,280 | - Right, next? - Julius Nicholson? I got it yesterday. | - Right, next? - Julius Nicholson? I got it yesterday. |
72 | 00:03:53,600 | 00:03:56,600 | He was looking at the MOD taking over UK security from the Home Office. | He was looking at the MOD taking over UK security from the Home Office. |
73 | 00:03:57,240 | 00:03:59,319 | That was flown by one ofNicholson's mob. | That was flown by one ofNicholson's mob. |
74 | 00:03:59,320 | 00:04:02,320 | I'm spending halfofmy time now dealing with this rubbish that Nicholson's putting out. | I'm spending halfofmy time now dealing with this rubbish that Nicholson's putting out. |
75 | 00:04:04,640 | 00:04:07,640 | There's a Sunday piece about you and him not getting along. Have you got a line? | There's a Sunday piece about you and him not getting along. Have you got a line? |
76 | 00:04:08,760 | 00:04:11,319 | Julius Nicholson is a hugely respected adviser. | Julius Nicholson is a hugely respected adviser. |
77 | 00:04:11,320 | 00:04:14,320 | He now has a wide-ranging brief and his blue-sky vision and helicopter thinking | He now has a wide-ranging brief and his blue-sky vision and helicopter thinking |
78 | 00:04:16,440 | 00:04:19,440 | will enable this Government to go, in his own phrase, ''beyond delivery, and beyond that''. | will enable this Government to go, in his own phrase, ''beyond delivery, and beyond that''. |
79 | 00:04:22,600 | 00:04:24,199 | That's the line, OK? | That's the line, OK? |
80 | 00:04:24,200 | 00:04:27,200 | Ifhe does stick his baldy head round your door with some stupid idea, | Ifhe does stick his baldy head round your door with some stupid idea, |
81 | 00:04:28,120 | 00:04:31,120 | about policemen's helmets should be yellow, or let's set up a department to count the moon, | about policemen's helmets should be yellow, or let's set up a department to count the moon, |
82 | 00:04:33,920 | 00:04:36,920 | just treat him like someone with Alzheimer's disease, you know? | just treat him like someone with Alzheimer's disease, you know? |
83 | 00:04:37,560 | 00:04:40,560 | Just say, ''Oh, yeah, that's lovely. We must talk about that later,'' OK? | Just say, ''Oh, yeah, that's lovely. We must talk about that later,'' OK? |
84 | 00:04:42,400 | 00:04:44,079 | In no way, shape or form... | In no way, shape or form... |
85 | 00:04:44,080 | 00:04:45,279 | (Knock at door) | (Knock at door) |
86 | 00:04:45,280 | 00:04:48,280 | - Come the fuck in, or fuck the fuck off. - I'll come the fuck in, then. | - Come the fuck in, or fuck the fuck off. - I'll come the fuck in, then. |
87 | 00:04:48,480 | 00:04:51,480 | It's just something that Nicholson's flown. | It's just something that Nicholson's flown. |
88 | 00:04:51,760 | 00:04:54,760 | A kind ofbrain exercise, like ''What would it be like ifmen had tits?'' | A kind ofbrain exercise, like ''What would it be like ifmen had tits?'' |
89 | 00:04:56,440 | 00:04:58,879 | Mark Mardell? That's pretty good, actually. | Mark Mardell? That's pretty good, actually. |
90 | 00:04:58,880 | 00:05:01,119 | All right, then. See you, then. | All right, then. See you, then. |
91 | 00:05:01,120 | 00:05:03,679 | - Hugh? - I thought you would want to know. | - Hugh? - I thought you would want to know. |
92 | 00:05:03,680 | 00:05:05,119 | - What? - Terri's dad. | - What? - Terri's dad. |
93 | 00:05:05,120 | 00:05:07,679 | - Yeah? - No news at the moment. | - Yeah? - No news at the moment. |
94 | 00:05:07,680 | 00:05:10,679 | - You've come to talk about the reshuffle. - Yeah, I have. | - You've come to talk about the reshuffle. - Yeah, I have. |
95 | 00:05:10,680 | 00:05:13,680 | - Yeah? - In terms ofshuffley stuff, how is Neil? | - Yeah? - In terms ofshuffley stuff, how is Neil? |
96 | 00:05:14,720 | 00:05:17,719 | - I mean, is his heart... - Have you not heard? | - I mean, is his heart... - Have you not heard? |
97 | 00:05:17,720 | 00:05:19,839 | No. | No. |
98 | 00:05:19,840 | 00:05:22,039 | (Heavy sigh) He's paralysed. | (Heavy sigh) He's paralysed. |
99 | 00:05:22,040 | 00:05:23,079 | Oh, no. | Oh, no. |
100 | 00:05:23,080 | 00:05:25,679 | - Neil's on wheels. - You're kidding. | - Neil's on wheels. - You're kidding. |
101 | 00:05:25,680 | 00:05:27,879 | - He's a vegetable. - Oh, my God. | - He's a vegetable. - Oh, my God. |
102 | 00:05:27,880 | 00:05:30,880 | Yeah. | Yeah. |
103 | 00:05:32,800 | 00:05:35,079 | That means you could have his department. | That means you could have his department. |
104 | 00:05:35,080 | 00:05:37,399 | Oh, you are kidding. Fuck you very much. | Oh, you are kidding. Fuck you very much. |
105 | 00:05:37,400 | 00:05:40,400 | You're looking for mouth-to-mouth in the reshuffle. I don't know anything. | You're looking for mouth-to-mouth in the reshuffle. I don't know anything. |
106 | 00:05:41,080 | 00:05:44,080 | The PM is still working it out on the back ofa Coldplay CD as we speak. | The PM is still working it out on the back ofa Coldplay CD as we speak. |
107 | 00:05:44,560 | 00:05:47,560 | - Are you in, sir? - Ah! MrJulius Nicholson. | - Are you in, sir? - Ah! MrJulius Nicholson. |
108 | 00:05:48,200 | 00:05:51,200 | - Nice to see you again. - What proposals have you got for us today? | - Nice to see you again. - What proposals have you got for us today? |
109 | 00:05:52,120 | 00:05:55,039 | - How about a ban on sand castles? - I wanted to find out | - How about a ban on sand castles? - I wanted to find out |
110 | 00:05:55,040 | 00:05:57,759 | ifyou're coming to my FSG briefing this afternoon. | ifyou're coming to my FSG briefing this afternoon. |
111 | 00:05:57,760 | 00:06:00,079 | - FSG briefing? - Forward Strategy Group. | - FSG briefing? - Forward Strategy Group. |
112 | 00:06:00,080 | 00:06:03,080 | Well, you know, Julius, I'm just going to have to send one ofthe boys. | Well, you know, Julius, I'm just going to have to send one ofthe boys. |
113 | 00:06:05,360 | 00:06:08,360 | I have got so much work to do here, what with this MOD... | I have got so much work to do here, what with this MOD... |
114 | 00:06:09,080 | 00:06:12,080 | Well, as the minister said to the prince, don't be surprised ifwe abolish you. | Well, as the minister said to the prince, don't be surprised ifwe abolish you. |
115 | 00:06:14,000 | 00:06:17,000 | I'll leave it with you. | I'll leave it with you. |
116 | 00:06:18,440 | 00:06:20,599 | That was a bit erm... | That was a bit erm... |
117 | 00:06:20,600 | 00:06:22,959 | - Are you all right? - I'm fucking all right. | - Are you all right? - I'm fucking all right. |
118 | 00:06:22,960 | 00:06:25,960 | - I can fucking look after myself. - Under the spotlight now. | - I can fucking look after myself. - Under the spotlight now. |
119 | 00:06:26,160 | 00:06:29,160 | Just watch your own back, what with the missus dripping poison into the big guy's ear. | Just watch your own back, what with the missus dripping poison into the big guy's ear. |
120 | 00:06:30,720 | 00:06:33,159 | - What missus? - The prime minister's missus. | - What missus? - The prime minister's missus. |
121 | 00:06:33,160 | 00:06:36,160 | Oh, what? You don't know? She doesn't like the cut ofyour jib, son. | Oh, what? You don't know? She doesn't like the cut ofyour jib, son. |
122 | 00:06:38,160 | 00:06:40,199 | She...? She's hardly seen my jib. | She...? She's hardly seen my jib. |
123 | 00:06:40,200 | 00:06:43,200 | I just had a conversation with her at the New Year's party, that's all. | I just had a conversation with her at the New Year's party, that's all. |
124 | 00:06:44,920 | 00:06:47,679 | Why doesn't she like me? What's not to like? | Why doesn't she like me? What's not to like? |
125 | 00:06:47,680 | 00:06:50,680 | - You just didn't click. - We were talking about the fucking Euro. | - You just didn't click. - We were talking about the fucking Euro. |
126 | 00:06:51,960 | 00:06:54,960 | How are you supposed to click over the Euro? Fucking impossible. | How are you supposed to click over the Euro? Fucking impossible. |
127 | 00:06:55,440 | 00:06:58,440 | - Don't take it so personally. - She doesn't like me as a person. | - Don't take it so personally. - She doesn't like me as a person. |
128 | 00:06:59,640 | 00:07:02,319 | How else am I supposed to take it? | How else am I supposed to take it? |
129 | 00:07:02,320 | 00:07:03,359 | Definitely Hugh. | Definitely Hugh. |
130 | 00:07:03,360 | 00:07:06,360 | Robyn, can you send these back to archives? They're not even highlighted. | Robyn, can you send these back to archives? They're not even highlighted. |
131 | 00:07:07,920 | 00:07:10,920 | I'm not going to plough through all that. I need the last four months ofthe European Digest. | I'm not going to plough through all that. I need the last four months ofthe European Digest. |
132 | 00:07:12,760 | 00:07:15,760 | Is it cos you fancy me? Is that what this is all about? | Is it cos you fancy me? Is that what this is all about? |
133 | 00:07:16,800 | 00:07:19,800 | - Sorry? - You're so rude. That's got to be the reason. | - Sorry? - You're so rude. That's got to be the reason. |
134 | 00:07:20,760 | 00:07:23,760 | Other people knock and say ''hello'', ''good morning'', ''thanks'' and ''nice top'' sometimes. | Other people knock and say ''hello'', ''good morning'', ''thanks'' and ''nice top'' sometimes. |
135 | 00:07:27,280 | 00:07:30,280 | Well, no. For a start, I don't fancy you. | Well, no. For a start, I don't fancy you. |
136 | 00:07:31,160 | 00:07:34,160 | I don't know where you got that in your head, but get it out. | I don't know where you got that in your head, but get it out. |
137 | 00:07:34,320 | 00:07:37,320 | IfI'm slightly polite to you on a semi-regular basis, will that in any way bypass it? | IfI'm slightly polite to you on a semi-regular basis, will that in any way bypass it? |
138 | 00:07:38,760 | 00:07:40,759 | That would definitely do it. | That would definitely do it. |
139 | 00:07:40,760 | 00:07:43,760 | Well, thank you very much for the work you do. Hi, by the way. How are you? | Well, thank you very much for the work you do. Hi, by the way. How are you? |
140 | 00:07:44,640 | 00:07:46,279 | I'm really well. | I'm really well. |
141 | 00:07:46,280 | 00:07:49,280 | You look lovely. Can I have the fucking Digest, please? That would be terrific. | You look lovely. Can I have the fucking Digest, please? That would be terrific. |
142 | 00:07:51,800 | 00:07:54,800 | - All you had to do was ask me. - Yeah, well, all I did do is ask. | - All you had to do was ask me. - Yeah, well, all I did do is ask. |
143 | 00:07:56,000 | 00:07:58,519 | Phwor! | Phwor! |
144 | 00:07:58,520 | 00:07:59,599 | A joke. | A joke. |
145 | 00:07:59,600 | 00:08:02,079 | - Hello. - Morning, Minister. | - Hello. - Morning, Minister. |
146 | 00:08:02,080 | 00:08:05,080 | I need to have a word, Olly, and then can you get me Terri on the phone, please? | I need to have a word, Olly, and then can you get me Terri on the phone, please? |
147 | 00:08:06,160 | 00:08:07,959 | - Where is Glenn? - Please? | - Where is Glenn? - Please? |
148 | 00:08:07,960 | 00:08:10,960 | Nicholson hauled him in for a chat. One ofhis bright ideas. | Nicholson hauled him in for a chat. One ofhis bright ideas. |
149 | 00:08:11,280 | 00:08:14,280 | Inflatable churches for rural communities or tattooing immigrants. | Inflatable churches for rural communities or tattooing immigrants. |
150 | 00:08:16,160 | 00:08:19,160 | Apparently, the PM's wife doesn't like me. Did you know this? | Apparently, the PM's wife doesn't like me. Did you know this? |
151 | 00:08:21,160 | 00:08:24,160 | No. Erm... Why? | No. Erm... Why? |
152 | 00:08:24,200 | 00:08:27,200 | Two reasons. Cut ofmy jib and insufficient clicking. | Two reasons. Cut ofmy jib and insufficient clicking. |
153 | 00:08:27,760 | 00:08:30,760 | I'll be a footnote in political history because I didn't have an anecdote about puppies. | I'll be a footnote in political history because I didn't have an anecdote about puppies. |
154 | 00:08:33,200 | 00:08:35,639 | We can brainstorm small talk ifyou want to. | We can brainstorm small talk ifyou want to. |
155 | 00:08:35,640 | 00:08:38,640 | Realistically, I'm not going to get promotion, not while this prime minister's still in power. | Realistically, I'm not going to get promotion, not while this prime minister's still in power. |
156 | 00:08:41,000 | 00:08:43,559 | Well, not while he's married to the same wife. | Well, not while he's married to the same wife. |
157 | 00:08:43,560 | 00:08:46,560 | Knowing your lot, he'll leave her, she'll marry his replacement. | Knowing your lot, he'll leave her, she'll marry his replacement. |
158 | 00:08:47,040 | 00:08:50,040 | I did mention your great quiet carriages thing and he just... | I did mention your great quiet carriages thing and he just... |
159 | 00:08:52,000 | 00:08:54,039 | - What does that mean? - Fuck knows what it means. | - What does that mean? - Fuck knows what it means. |
160 | 00:08:54,040 | 00:08:57,040 | But I don't think it means, ''Oh, Hugh, you're fantastic. Here, become Home Secretary.'' | But I don't think it means, ''Oh, Hugh, you're fantastic. Here, become Home Secretary.'' |
161 | 00:08:58,920 | 00:09:01,920 | And even ifit did mean that, when he's in bed tonight with Mrs PM, flossing, | And even ifit did mean that, when he's in bed tonight with Mrs PM, flossing, |
162 | 00:09:02,760 | 00:09:05,239 | then she'll say, ''Abbot as Home Secretary?'' | then she'll say, ''Abbot as Home Secretary?'' |
163 | 00:09:05,240 | 00:09:08,240 | ''The man is a social spastic and very probably a registered nonce, darling.'' | ''The man is a social spastic and very probably a registered nonce, darling.'' |
164 | 00:09:09,520 | 00:09:12,520 | - Terri on line one, and there's her dad's name. - Dad's name? | - Terri on line one, and there's her dad's name. - Dad's name? |
165 | 00:09:13,960 | 00:09:15,559 | Hello. | Hello. |
166 | 00:09:15,560 | 00:09:17,799 | Hello, how are you? | Hello, how are you? |
167 | 00:09:17,800 | 00:09:20,800 | - I'm not great, actually. - Yes, goodness me. | - I'm not great, actually. - Yes, goodness me. |
168 | 00:09:21,560 | 00:09:24,560 | Please be sure to send my best to...to...to your dad. | Please be sure to send my best to...to...to your dad. |
169 | 00:09:26,280 | 00:09:27,519 | Thanks. | Thanks. |
170 | 00:09:27,520 | 00:09:29,719 | Look, I heard today | Look, I heard today |
171 | 00:09:29,720 | 00:09:32,559 | that the PM's wife doesn't like me. | that the PM's wife doesn't like me. |
172 | 00:09:32,560 | 00:09:35,079 | - Did you know about this? - Yes, I did. | - Did you know about this? - Yes, I did. |
173 | 00:09:35,080 | 00:09:38,080 | - I know about the lack ofclick. Anything else? - Hugh, my dad's dying. | - I know about the lack ofclick. Anything else? - Hugh, my dad's dying. |
174 | 00:09:40,120 | 00:09:43,120 | Ofcourse. Thanks so much for taking the time to talk to me, Terri. | Ofcourse. Thanks so much for taking the time to talk to me, Terri. |
175 | 00:09:44,160 | 00:09:47,160 | It must be a... Well, obviously, it's a very, very hard time for you. | It must be a... Well, obviously, it's a very, very hard time for you. |
176 | 00:09:48,760 | 00:09:51,760 | It's just ironic that it happens to have coincided with a hard time for me. | It's just ironic that it happens to have coincided with a hard time for me. |
177 | 00:09:52,600 | 00:09:55,600 | Because, you know, I thought I was solid with the reshuffle. | Because, you know, I thought I was solid with the reshuffle. |
178 | 00:09:56,240 | 00:09:59,079 | But now, with the not clicking bombshell, | But now, with the not clicking bombshell, |
179 | 00:09:59,080 | 00:10:02,080 | I need to give the impression that I'm not budging, I'm staying exactly where I am, | I need to give the impression that I'm not budging, I'm staying exactly where I am, |
180 | 00:10:03,680 | 00:10:06,680 | I'm here for ever, you know, like Ken erm... | I'm here for ever, you know, like Ken erm... |
181 | 00:10:08,080 | 00:10:10,639 | Ken Livingstone? Russell? | Ken Livingstone? Russell? |
182 | 00:10:10,640 | 00:10:12,319 | Hom? | Hom? |
183 | 00:10:12,320 | 00:10:14,199 | - Barlow? - Barlow! | - Barlow? - Barlow! |
184 | 00:10:14,200 | 00:10:17,200 | - Like Ken Barlow. I'm solid. - (Glenn) That fucking arse clamp, Nicholson! | - Like Ken Barlow. I'm solid. - (Glenn) That fucking arse clamp, Nicholson! |
185 | 00:10:18,800 | 00:10:21,800 | Look, I don't want to say this too many times, but the fact is Nicholson's shafted us. | Look, I don't want to say this too many times, but the fact is Nicholson's shafted us. |
186 | 00:10:23,680 | 00:10:26,599 | He's cut us out ofthe 8:30 briefings. | He's cut us out ofthe 8:30 briefings. |
187 | 00:10:26,600 | 00:10:28,039 | - That's awful. - I know. | - That's awful. - I know. |
188 | 00:10:28,040 | 00:10:31,040 | But for now, this department is no longer going to any ofMalcolm's 8:30 briefings, OK? | But for now, this department is no longer going to any ofMalcolm's 8:30 briefings, OK? |
189 | 00:10:33,560 | 00:10:36,560 | - Tomorrow morning, I just stay here? - Yes, that's right. | - Tomorrow morning, I just stay here? - Yes, that's right. |
190 | 00:10:36,600 | 00:10:39,119 | - I don't want to alarm Hugh about this. - Oh, God! This ges worse! | - I don't want to alarm Hugh about this. - Oh, God! This ges worse! |
191 | 00:10:39,120 | 00:10:42,120 | Listen to me, Robyn. He's got quite enough on his mind at the moment. | Listen to me, Robyn. He's got quite enough on his mind at the moment. |
192 | 00:10:43,000 | 00:10:46,000 | So tomorrow morning, what you do is you leave here at the same time, about 8:20, | So tomorrow morning, what you do is you leave here at the same time, about 8:20, |
193 | 00:10:48,120 | 00:10:50,719 | and you fuck offand go and sit in a park. | and you fuck offand go and sit in a park. |
194 | 00:10:50,720 | 00:10:53,720 | - And not tell Hugh? - Yes. It's only temporary. | - And not tell Hugh? - Yes. It's only temporary. |
195 | 00:10:53,960 | 00:10:56,279 | - Oh, God! - I'm going to sort it out, OK? | - Oh, God! - I'm going to sort it out, OK? |
196 | 00:10:56,280 | 00:10:58,199 | Won't it just be a bit demeaning? | Won't it just be a bit demeaning? |
197 | 00:10:58,200 | 00:11:01,200 | Terri says there's a list ofQuestion Time producers in her top drawer. | Terri says there's a list ofQuestion Time producers in her top drawer. |
198 | 00:11:02,360 | 00:11:04,359 | - Are you OK, Robyn? - Erm... Yeah. | - Are you OK, Robyn? - Erm... Yeah. |
199 | 00:11:04,360 | 00:11:07,039 | - Have you been touching her? - Fuck off. | - Have you been touching her? - Fuck off. |
200 | 00:11:07,040 | 00:11:10,040 | Yes, I've got the producers' names, so thanks for that. | Yes, I've got the producers' names, so thanks for that. |
201 | 00:11:10,240 | 00:11:13,240 | And is there anything else that I could do? You know, photo opps or a little party? | And is there anything else that I could do? You know, photo opps or a little party? |
202 | 00:11:16,600 | 00:11:19,600 | Schmooze the broadsheets? Tell them how I love running Social Affairs? | Schmooze the broadsheets? Tell them how I love running Social Affairs? |
203 | 00:11:20,320 | 00:11:23,320 | Yeah, that would work, wouldn't it? | Yeah, that would work, wouldn't it? |
204 | 00:11:23,440 | 00:11:26,440 | Everyone loves a party. Well, I don't, personally, but people do. | Everyone loves a party. Well, I don't, personally, but people do. |
205 | 00:11:27,320 | 00:11:30,320 | - Get your head round this. You go to a park. - Which park? | - Get your head round this. You go to a park. - Which park? |
206 | 00:11:30,400 | 00:11:33,400 | - Just choose... Green Park. - I don't like Green Park. | - Just choose... Green Park. - I don't like Green Park. |
207 | 00:11:33,640 | 00:11:35,959 | - Which park do you like? - StJames's Park. | - Which park do you like? - StJames's Park. |
208 | 00:11:35,960 | 00:11:38,960 | Go to StJames's Park, then. OK? | Go to StJames's Park, then. OK? |
209 | 00:11:39,240 | 00:11:42,240 | - I think we should tell the minister. - Listen, Robyn, I really like you, but fuck off! | - I think we should tell the minister. - Listen, Robyn, I really like you, but fuck off! |
210 | 00:11:44,520 | 00:11:46,639 | - Has he been touching you? - Don't start. | - Has he been touching you? - Don't start. |
211 | 00:11:46,640 | 00:11:49,640 | Oh, God! I'm rubbish, apparently. | Oh, God! I'm rubbish, apparently. |
212 | 00:11:49,720 | 00:11:52,720 | That's why Nicholson has banned us from the 8:30 meetings, | That's why Nicholson has banned us from the 8:30 meetings, |
213 | 00:11:53,440 | 00:11:56,440 | and I've got to go and sit in StJames's Park and pretend I'm in a meeting all morning. | and I've got to go and sit in StJames's Park and pretend I'm in a meeting all morning. |
214 | 00:11:58,200 | 00:12:01,200 | I wouldn't worry. There should be four or five ofyou out there. | I wouldn't worry. There should be four or five ofyou out there. |
215 | 00:12:02,200 | 00:12:05,200 | This is another example ofthinking out ofthe box by someone who's out ofhis fucking tree. | This is another example ofthinking out ofthe box by someone who's out ofhis fucking tree. |
216 | 00:12:07,600 | 00:12:10,600 | - I've got to go. I'll talk to you later. Bye. - Ah, Malcolm Tucker! | - I've got to go. I'll talk to you later. Bye. - Ah, Malcolm Tucker! |
217 | 00:12:11,760 | 00:12:14,319 | Julius Nicholson! What can I do you for? | Julius Nicholson! What can I do you for? |
218 | 00:12:14,320 | 00:12:17,320 | - I am keen to have a chat with Keith Percival. - Yeah. | - I am keen to have a chat with Keith Percival. - Yeah. |
219 | 00:12:18,240 | 00:12:20,959 | - That won't be possible. - And I need the O'Rourke papers. | - That won't be possible. - And I need the O'Rourke papers. |
220 | 00:12:20,960 | 00:12:23,960 | I'm afraid not. Anything else? | I'm afraid not. Anything else? |
221 | 00:12:25,080 | 00:12:26,959 | Look, Malcolm, you and I both know | Look, Malcolm, you and I both know |
222 | 00:12:26,960 | 00:12:29,960 | my power flows directly from the PM. Ifyou've got a problem... | my power flows directly from the PM. Ifyou've got a problem... |
223 | 00:12:30,440 | 00:12:33,440 | Keith is so busy with real governmental work | Keith is so busy with real governmental work |
224 | 00:12:34,200 | 00:12:37,200 | that he doesn't have time to discuss with you your ideas and theories. | that he doesn't have time to discuss with you your ideas and theories. |
225 | 00:12:37,920 | 00:12:40,920 | The O'Rourke papers are not relevant to anything we can actually action at this moment. | The O'Rourke papers are not relevant to anything we can actually action at this moment. |
226 | 00:12:43,280 | 00:12:46,280 | That's slightly funny, because when I played tennis with the PM, which I do every Sunday, | That's slightly funny, because when I played tennis with the PM, which I do every Sunday, |
227 | 00:12:48,840 | 00:12:51,799 | he was saying he was looking forward to seeing that paper. | he was saying he was looking forward to seeing that paper. |
228 | 00:12:51,800 | 00:12:54,800 | He thinks your theories are interesting. He tells me that, because I see him every day. | He thinks your theories are interesting. He tells me that, because I see him every day. |
229 | 00:12:57,640 | 00:13:00,640 | I also see him on a Sunday when I get together with his family and I make fucking waffles. | I also see him on a Sunday when I get together with his family and I make fucking waffles. |
230 | 00:13:01,640 | 00:13:04,640 | But I cannot allow you to come in here | But I cannot allow you to come in here |
231 | 00:13:06,160 | 00:13:09,160 | and interfere with the actual process ofgovernment. | and interfere with the actual process ofgovernment. |
232 | 00:13:09,760 | 00:13:12,760 | - Malcolm, that is my job! That's my job. - That is what is happening. | - Malcolm, that is my job! That's my job. - That is what is happening. |
233 | 00:13:14,200 | 00:13:17,200 | - Well, you're doing it very fucking well. - There are going to be big changes. | - Well, you're doing it very fucking well. - There are going to be big changes. |
234 | 00:13:18,280 | 00:13:21,280 | Get used to it. We'll announce all this at the reshuffle. | Get used to it. We'll announce all this at the reshuffle. |
235 | 00:13:21,760 | 00:13:23,799 | With all due respect, Julius, | With all due respect, Julius, |
236 | 00:13:23,800 | 00:13:26,800 | the reshuffle is the business ofthe PM alone, which means that that is my business. | the reshuffle is the business ofthe PM alone, which means that that is my business. |
237 | 00:13:28,800 | 00:13:31,800 | - It is my remit. - No, Malcolm. Historically, yes. | - It is my remit. - No, Malcolm. Historically, yes. |
238 | 00:13:32,040 | 00:13:35,040 | - But now it's part ofmy remit. - I'll tell you what we should do. | - But now it's part ofmy remit. - I'll tell you what we should do. |
239 | 00:13:35,440 | 00:13:38,440 | Why don't we just get our remits out, slap them on the table | Why don't we just get our remits out, slap them on the table |
240 | 00:13:39,320 | 00:13:41,959 | and see who's got the biggest fucking remit? | and see who's got the biggest fucking remit? |
241 | 00:13:41,960 | 00:13:44,759 | Malcolm, we need to talk about accommodation. | Malcolm, we need to talk about accommodation. |
242 | 00:13:44,760 | 00:13:47,760 | - We need to talk about access... - Why am I talking about accommodation? | - We need to talk about access... - Why am I talking about accommodation? |
243 | 00:13:48,880 | 00:13:51,880 | It's a 21-man department, we can't fit upstairs, this is ideal. | It's a 21-man department, we can't fit upstairs, this is ideal. |
244 | 00:13:52,880 | 00:13:55,679 | - 21 men in here? - Not just in here, no. | - 21 men in here? - Not just in here, no. |
245 | 00:13:55,680 | 00:13:58,680 | This office will be perfectly useable, for not only myself... | This office will be perfectly useable, for not only myself... |
246 | 00:13:58,920 | 00:14:00,999 | - That's not an office. - Yes, it is. | - That's not an office. - Yes, it is. |
247 | 00:14:01,000 | 00:14:04,000 | - It's a pantry. - We will refit this out as a working office. | - It's a pantry. - We will refit this out as a working office. |
248 | 00:14:05,040 | 00:14:08,039 | - Julius, it's a fucking pantry. Look. - So what? | - Julius, it's a fucking pantry. Look. - So what? |
249 | 00:14:08,040 | 00:14:11,040 | What we'll do is we kick through this, bang, straight into the PM's private study. | What we'll do is we kick through this, bang, straight into the PM's private study. |
250 | 00:14:13,320 | 00:14:16,320 | What are people going to say when they come in and they say, ''Where is Julius Nicholson?'' | What are people going to say when they come in and they say, ''Where is Julius Nicholson?'' |
251 | 00:14:18,800 | 00:14:20,559 | - I'm here. - He's in the pantry. | - I'm here. - He's in the pantry. |
252 | 00:14:20,560 | 00:14:23,079 | - Here I am. - They're going to ridicule you. | - Here I am. - They're going to ridicule you. |
253 | 00:14:23,080 | 00:14:26,080 | - They're not going to ridicule me. - ''Where's the bankrupt in the cupboard?'' | - They're not going to ridicule me. - ''Where's the bankrupt in the cupboard?'' |
254 | 00:14:28,360 | 00:14:31,159 | Why are you behaving like a complete prick? | Why are you behaving like a complete prick? |
255 | 00:14:31,160 | 00:14:34,079 | I'm supposed to polish you up, burnish you up. | I'm supposed to polish you up, burnish you up. |
256 | 00:14:34,080 | 00:14:37,080 | Then when you get your big break and you're on fucking Call My Bluff... | Then when you get your big break and you're on fucking Call My Bluff... |
257 | 00:14:38,320 | 00:14:41,320 | Come back in here! Oi! Come back in here. Julius! Get the fuck back in here! | Come back in here! Oi! Come back in here. Julius! Get the fuck back in here! |
258 | 00:14:45,120 | 00:14:46,319 | Please! | Please! |
259 | 00:14:46,320 | 00:14:49,320 | Please, come back. Let's be civilised. Let's be civilised about it. | Please, come back. Let's be civilised. Let's be civilised about it. |
260 | 00:14:50,560 | 00:14:53,560 | Let's be civilised, come on. Let's be civilised about it. Go over to your fucking pantry, right? | Let's be civilised, come on. Let's be civilised about it. Go over to your fucking pantry, right? |
261 | 00:14:57,440 | 00:15:00,440 | - This is a perfectly useable office space. - Let's just cool it for one minute, OK? | - This is a perfectly useable office space. - Let's just cool it for one minute, OK? |
262 | 00:15:01,800 | 00:15:04,800 | Just fucking cool it, shut up and fucking listen to me. | Just fucking cool it, shut up and fucking listen to me. |
263 | 00:15:05,520 | 00:15:08,520 | This is a Georgian door. Do you know how long this has been here? | This is a Georgian door. Do you know how long this has been here? |
264 | 00:15:08,880 | 00:15:11,880 | - No, I don't. - Since the time ofElizabeth I, at least. | - No, I don't. - Since the time ofElizabeth I, at least. |
265 | 00:15:12,440 | 00:15:15,159 | That does not open. Look at it. Try opening it. | That does not open. Look at it. Try opening it. |
266 | 00:15:15,160 | 00:15:18,160 | This is the kind ofstuffyou like. Character building, team building. | This is the kind ofstuffyou like. Character building, team building. |
267 | 00:15:18,840 | 00:15:20,639 | Try to open the door. | Try to open the door. |
268 | 00:15:20,640 | 00:15:23,640 | - Come on, Julius. It's my fucking pantry. - It's not your pantry. It's my fucking pantry. | - Come on, Julius. It's my fucking pantry. - It's not your pantry. It's my fucking pantry. |
269 | 00:15:26,720 | 00:15:28,719 | I was with Emma. We went for a drink. | I was with Emma. We went for a drink. |
270 | 00:15:28,720 | 00:15:31,239 | That's still your opposition bit ofskirt, is it? | That's still your opposition bit ofskirt, is it? |
271 | 00:15:31,240 | 00:15:34,240 | Yeah. Don't say ''bit ofskirt''. It makes you sound like SidJames. | Yeah. Don't say ''bit ofskirt''. It makes you sound like SidJames. |
272 | 00:15:35,400 | 00:15:37,719 | - Morning, Minister. - Offto the 8:30? | - Morning, Minister. - Offto the 8:30? |
273 | 00:15:37,720 | 00:15:40,159 | Yep, into the house ofthe grass snakes. | Yep, into the house ofthe grass snakes. |
274 | 00:15:40,160 | 00:15:43,160 | - Grass snakes are actually quite benign. - The cobras. | - Grass snakes are actually quite benign. - The cobras. |
275 | 00:15:43,640 | 00:15:46,640 | Can you try, really try, to get the goss on the reshuffle? | Can you try, really try, to get the goss on the reshuffle? |
276 | 00:15:47,520 | 00:15:50,520 | I don't really care how desperate you look at this point, so don't pussyfoot around. | I don't really care how desperate you look at this point, so don't pussyfoot around. |
277 | 00:15:52,320 | 00:15:55,159 | - OK, I'll really give it a go this time. - Thank you. | - OK, I'll really give it a go this time. - Thank you. |
278 | 00:15:55,160 | 00:15:58,160 | - Up all night doing invitations for my party? - They're out. Don't worry. | - Up all night doing invitations for my party? - They're out. Don't worry. |
279 | 00:15:59,320 | 00:16:02,320 | I am desperate, but I don't want to look desperate, like Glenn. | I am desperate, but I don't want to look desperate, like Glenn. |
280 | 00:16:03,120 | 00:16:05,599 | Oh, God, here we go again. Like Glenn, what? | Oh, God, here we go again. Like Glenn, what? |
281 | 00:16:05,600 | 00:16:08,600 | I was just saying, the last time you saw a snatch was... | I was just saying, the last time you saw a snatch was... |
282 | 00:16:11,240 | 00:16:13,039 | - Basic Instinct. - That's good. | - Basic Instinct. - That's good. |
283 | 00:16:13,040 | 00:16:15,599 | That's the repartee I need with the PM's wife. | That's the repartee I need with the PM's wife. |
284 | 00:16:15,600 | 00:16:18,600 | It's that final tsssss! That's the bit I'm missing. | It's that final tsssss! That's the bit I'm missing. |
285 | 00:16:18,720 | 00:16:21,720 | Yeah, well, I think you could drop the snatch material with the PM's wife. | Yeah, well, I think you could drop the snatch material with the PM's wife. |
286 | 00:16:23,120 | 00:16:26,120 | OK, between the snatch and the Euro there's some sort ofhappy medium. | OK, between the snatch and the Euro there's some sort ofhappy medium. |
287 | 00:16:27,520 | 00:16:30,520 | Morning, morning, morning. What's the story in Bala-fucking-mory? | Morning, morning, morning. What's the story in Bala-fucking-mory? |
288 | 00:16:30,720 | 00:16:33,720 | Who can tell me the issues ofthe moment? First to answer wins a big, massive boat. | Who can tell me the issues ofthe moment? First to answer wins a big, massive boat. |
289 | 00:16:40,200 | 00:16:43,200 | Lisa says Nicholson is squelching his way through the building, so we're on stand-by. | Lisa says Nicholson is squelching his way through the building, so we're on stand-by. |
290 | 00:16:45,760 | 00:16:48,760 | - Can't we just kill him, shoot him? - Fire him at a wall from a cannon? | - Can't we just kill him, shoot him? - Fire him at a wall from a cannon? |
291 | 00:16:49,680 | 00:16:51,359 | Just a wall two feet away. | Just a wall two feet away. |
292 | 00:16:51,360 | 00:16:54,360 | I know. We force-feed him with a mixture ofgarlic and Dettol in cuppa soup. | I know. We force-feed him with a mixture ofgarlic and Dettol in cuppa soup. |
293 | 00:16:56,960 | 00:16:59,119 | What about the old red-hot poker up the arse? Edward II? | What about the old red-hot poker up the arse? Edward II? |
294 | 00:16:59,120 | 00:17:01,799 | I'd like to nail him to a tree through the head, | I'd like to nail him to a tree through the head, |
295 | 00:17:01,800 | 00:17:04,800 | and watch lice slowly crawl over his body, eating offthe flesh in a slow and painful death. | and watch lice slowly crawl over his body, eating offthe flesh in a slow and painful death. |
296 | 00:17:08,320 | 00:17:10,919 | But that rather bitter anomaly aside, | But that rather bitter anomaly aside, |
297 | 00:17:10,920 | 00:17:13,920 | most ofthe responses to the Warwick report press cuttings were pretty positive. | most ofthe responses to the Warwick report press cuttings were pretty positive. |
298 | 00:17:16,680 | 00:17:19,680 | - Hello, Julius. - Morning, Julius. | - Hello, Julius. - Morning, Julius. |
299 | 00:17:24,080 | 00:17:27,080 | - I'll just do that. Right. - Would you like a cup oftea? | - I'll just do that. Right. - Would you like a cup oftea? |
300 | 00:17:27,680 | 00:17:30,680 | Oh, no, no. I'm bouncing, so what I'm going to suggest, ifI may... | Oh, no, no. I'm bouncing, so what I'm going to suggest, ifI may... |
301 | 00:17:32,320 | 00:17:34,359 | - Cuppa soup? - Not for me, no. | - Cuppa soup? - Not for me, no. |
302 | 00:17:34,360 | 00:17:36,719 | I'm hoping to go over the ASBOs. | I'm hoping to go over the ASBOs. |
303 | 00:17:36,720 | 00:17:39,720 | Are there any ASBOs processed on this site? Actioned or processed on this site? | Are there any ASBOs processed on this site? Actioned or processed on this site? |
304 | 00:17:41,480 | 00:17:44,480 | No, this is the ministry. Everything is done over at Richmond Terrace. | No, this is the ministry. Everything is done over at Richmond Terrace. |
305 | 00:17:46,240 | 00:17:48,479 | (Julius) Right. I'll just get my pen out. | (Julius) Right. I'll just get my pen out. |
306 | 00:17:48,480 | 00:17:51,480 | - Richmond...House, is it? - Terrace. | - Richmond...House, is it? - Terrace. |
307 | 00:17:53,200 | 00:17:54,679 | OK, so that... Well... | OK, so that... Well... |
308 | 00:17:54,680 | 00:17:57,680 | - We've been bouncing around about this. - I'd like to have seen that. | - We've been bouncing around about this. - I'd like to have seen that. |
309 | 00:18:00,400 | 00:18:03,400 | We've got five Whitehall departments having some sort ofimpact upon the ASBO process. | We've got five Whitehall departments having some sort ofimpact upon the ASBO process. |
310 | 00:18:05,840 | 00:18:08,840 | We've got Lord Chancellor's, DWP, Department ofHealth. | We've got Lord Chancellor's, DWP, Department ofHealth. |
311 | 00:18:09,920 | 00:18:12,920 | We take those away. So... | We take those away. So... |
312 | 00:18:13,120 | 00:18:16,120 | out ofthe five, let's put three with you, so out ofthe five, three are over there. | out ofthe five, let's put three with you, so out ofthe five, three are over there. |
313 | 00:18:17,440 | 00:18:20,119 | Glenn's got custody ofthree for the time being. | Glenn's got custody ofthree for the time being. |
314 | 00:18:20,120 | 00:18:22,559 | Two, four, six billion pounds there. | Two, four, six billion pounds there. |
315 | 00:18:22,560 | 00:18:25,479 | I take two away, so they come back to me. | I take two away, so they come back to me. |
316 | 00:18:25,480 | 00:18:28,479 | I put that four billion straight through to the Treasury. | I put that four billion straight through to the Treasury. |
317 | 00:18:28,480 | 00:18:29,959 | We're left with the one. | We're left with the one. |
318 | 00:18:29,960 | 00:18:32,960 | That's a two billion pound figure which we spread across the money-saving departments. | That's a two billion pound figure which we spread across the money-saving departments. |
319 | 00:18:34,400 | 00:18:37,400 | That means it's good news for Number Ten, for the Treasury and for Hugh Abbot. | That means it's good news for Number Ten, for the Treasury and for Hugh Abbot. |
320 | 00:18:39,360 | 00:18:41,399 | So, that's where we are. I will... | So, that's where we are. I will... |
321 | 00:18:41,400 | 00:18:44,400 | - I shall leave that with you. - Interesting thought. | - I shall leave that with you. - Interesting thought. |
322 | 00:18:44,600 | 00:18:47,600 | Within a few sort of... | Within a few sort of... |
323 | 00:18:47,880 | 00:18:50,479 | I guess...months, | I guess...months, |
324 | 00:18:50,480 | 00:18:53,159 | we'll have something concrete to put to you. | we'll have something concrete to put to you. |
325 | 00:18:53,160 | 00:18:55,199 | - See you later. - Bye. | - See you later. - Bye. |
326 | 00:18:55,200 | 00:18:58,159 | - Erm...yes. - Where were we? | - Erm...yes. - Where were we? |
327 | 00:18:58,160 | 00:19:01,160 | He really is... This is dangerous. He is actually unhinged. | He really is... This is dangerous. He is actually unhinged. |
328 | 00:19:01,720 | 00:19:03,679 | He's just relatively harmless. He's... | He's just relatively harmless. He's... |
329 | 00:19:03,680 | 00:19:06,680 | No, he's not harmless, because this job's my livelihood. | No, he's not harmless, because this job's my livelihood. |
330 | 00:19:07,680 | 00:19:10,680 | My children's shoes depend now on having a madman suggest, you know... | My children's shoes depend now on having a madman suggest, you know... |
331 | 00:19:14,760 | 00:19:17,159 | Do your children need two shoes each? | Do your children need two shoes each? |
332 | 00:19:17,160 | 00:19:20,160 | He is not getting anywhere near my fucking pantry, I'll tell you that. | He is not getting anywhere near my fucking pantry, I'll tell you that. |
333 | 00:19:21,320 | 00:19:24,320 | That door is staying as open as a fat whore's bonehole. | That door is staying as open as a fat whore's bonehole. |
334 | 00:19:24,760 | 00:19:26,399 | Sorry I'm late. Traffic was a bitch. | Sorry I'm late. Traffic was a bitch. |
335 | 00:19:26,400 | 00:19:28,319 | No offence, Robyn. | No offence, Robyn. |
336 | 00:19:28,320 | 00:19:30,479 | How about the 8:30? How did that go? | How about the 8:30? How did that go? |
337 | 00:19:30,480 | 00:19:33,480 | - Very quick. It was in and out. - Did you quiz him about the reshuffle? | - Very quick. It was in and out. - Did you quiz him about the reshuffle? |
338 | 00:19:35,160 | 00:19:36,759 | I didn't get a chance. | I didn't get a chance. |
339 | 00:19:36,760 | 00:19:39,760 | - I did ask you specifically to do that. - Hugh, entirely my fault. | - I did ask you specifically to do that. - Hugh, entirely my fault. |
340 | 00:19:40,800 | 00:19:43,800 | Robyn, give me a print-out and let me have a look at it. | Robyn, give me a print-out and let me have a look at it. |
341 | 00:19:44,080 | 00:19:47,080 | Question Time's up the Swanee. What the fuck do you have to do to get on TV? | Question Time's up the Swanee. What the fuck do you have to do to get on TV? |
342 | 00:19:47,840 | 00:19:50,840 | Have sex with a pig? Soil yourself? I don't know the minimum requirements. | Have sex with a pig? Soil yourself? I don't know the minimum requirements. |
343 | 00:19:51,680 | 00:19:54,680 | - Terri, Terri, hi, how's it going? - He's gone, Hugh. | - Terri, Terri, hi, how's it going? - He's gone, Hugh. |
344 | 00:19:55,120 | 00:19:57,079 | Oh, dear. | Oh, dear. |
345 | 00:19:57,080 | 00:20:00,080 | Oh, I am so sorry, Terri. I really am. | Oh, I am so sorry, Terri. I really am. |
346 | 00:20:02,960 | 00:20:05,960 | That's... That's really... That's just... Blimey. | That's... That's really... That's just... Blimey. |
347 | 00:20:07,280 | 00:20:10,280 | OK? Are you OK now? | OK? Are you OK now? |
348 | 00:20:11,280 | 00:20:12,959 | (Shuffling papers) | (Shuffling papers) |
349 | 00:20:12,960 | 00:20:15,960 | (Sobbing) | (Sobbing) |
350 | 00:20:16,360 | 00:20:18,479 | Yeah. Yep. | Yeah. Yep. |
351 | 00:20:18,480 | 00:20:21,480 | Listen. What I was calling about, we'll forget about that. | Listen. What I was calling about, we'll forget about that. |
352 | 00:20:21,600 | 00:20:24,079 | - There's no need to talk about that now. - OK. | - There's no need to talk about that now. - OK. |
353 | 00:20:24,080 | 00:20:27,079 | Right. Question Time's bitten the dust, | Right. Question Time's bitten the dust, |
354 | 00:20:27,080 | 00:20:30,080 | and I was going to ask you ifyou could ring some ofyour broadsheet contacts | and I was going to ask you ifyou could ring some ofyour broadsheet contacts |
355 | 00:20:31,040 | 00:20:34,040 | and make absolutely sure that they're all coming to my party tonight. | and make absolutely sure that they're all coming to my party tonight. |
356 | 00:20:35,400 | 00:20:38,400 | I just wanted to take the opportunity ofsaying I really am sorry | I just wanted to take the opportunity ofsaying I really am sorry |
357 | 00:20:39,160 | 00:20:41,439 | that it got awkward with Hugh. | that it got awkward with Hugh. |
358 | 00:20:41,440 | 00:20:44,440 | - I don't like lying to the minister. I don't. - I do understand, all this sneaking about. | - I don't like lying to the minister. I don't. - I do understand, all this sneaking about. |
359 | 00:20:48,000 | 00:20:51,000 | It'll make people think we're having an affair. Or something. | It'll make people think we're having an affair. Or something. |
360 | 00:20:52,440 | 00:20:55,440 | - You're joking? - Well... | - You're joking? - Well... |
361 | 00:20:55,920 | 00:20:58,920 | - They don't think we're having an affair? - No, no, no. | - They don't think we're having an affair? - No, no, no. |
362 | 00:20:59,920 | 00:21:01,679 | God! | God! |
363 | 00:21:01,680 | 00:21:02,719 | (Sigh) | (Sigh) |
364 | 00:21:02,720 | 00:21:05,720 | - It's a grave matter, isn't it? - Not a good day to bury bad news. | - It's a grave matter, isn't it? - Not a good day to bury bad news. |
365 | 00:21:06,120 | 00:21:08,799 | - (Sniggering) No, minister, it's not. - Oh, fuck! | - (Sniggering) No, minister, it's not. - Oh, fuck! |
366 | 00:21:08,800 | 00:21:11,279 | - Julius, what a surprise! - What a surprise. | - Julius, what a surprise! - What a surprise. |
367 | 00:21:11,280 | 00:21:14,280 | Thank goodness you didn't stumble on us burning a load ofmoney on a bonfire. | Thank goodness you didn't stumble on us burning a load ofmoney on a bonfire. |
368 | 00:21:15,920 | 00:21:18,519 | Well done on the chat we had this morning. | Well done on the chat we had this morning. |
369 | 00:21:18,520 | 00:21:21,479 | The AIU are going to produce a paper in the next 10 to 12 days. | The AIU are going to produce a paper in the next 10 to 12 days. |
370 | 00:21:21,480 | 00:21:24,480 | - So raise yourselves a glass. Happi-ness. - Brilliant. | - So raise yourselves a glass. Happi-ness. - Brilliant. |
371 | 00:21:26,440 | 00:21:29,440 | Right, well, I'll see you at this Treasury bash, I suppose. | Right, well, I'll see you at this Treasury bash, I suppose. |
372 | 00:21:29,800 | 00:21:32,800 | - What? - The Treasury bash. Horseguards Parade. | - What? - The Treasury bash. Horseguards Parade. |
373 | 00:21:32,840 | 00:21:35,840 | It's Paul Webster, US Economics Secretary ofState. He's unexpectedly coming over. | It's Paul Webster, US Economics Secretary ofState. He's unexpectedly coming over. |
374 | 00:21:37,480 | 00:21:40,319 | The Treasury are hosting a bash for him this evening. | The Treasury are hosting a bash for him this evening. |
375 | 00:21:40,320 | 00:21:43,039 | Don't tell me you've not been invited. | Don't tell me you've not been invited. |
376 | 00:21:43,040 | 00:21:46,040 | Yes, no, I have. It's just that I'm actually bashing myselftonight. | Yes, no, I have. It's just that I'm actually bashing myselftonight. |
377 | 00:21:47,840 | 00:21:50,840 | So you...you've got your own bash here? | So you...you've got your own bash here? |
378 | 00:21:51,320 | 00:21:52,839 | - Uh...yeah. - Yeah. | - Uh...yeah. - Yeah. |
379 | 00:21:52,840 | 00:21:55,679 | Ah! Back up, everybody, put the brakes on. | Ah! Back up, everybody, put the brakes on. |
380 | 00:21:55,680 | 00:21:58,680 | We've got a bash happening here tonight and at the Treasury? | We've got a bash happening here tonight and at the Treasury? |
381 | 00:21:59,120 | 00:22:02,120 | Yes. It sounds complicated but I like to maximise my face. | Yes. It sounds complicated but I like to maximise my face. |
382 | 00:22:04,080 | 00:22:06,159 | OK, well, how many have you invited? | OK, well, how many have you invited? |
383 | 00:22:06,160 | 00:22:09,160 | Erm... All in, I think we've invited about 150 people. | Erm... All in, I think we've invited about 150 people. |
384 | 00:22:10,000 | 00:22:13,000 | - How many replies have you had? - About, I'd say, maybe halfa side ofA4. | - How many replies have you had? - About, I'd say, maybe halfa side ofA4. |
385 | 00:22:14,360 | 00:22:17,079 | Figures, figures, figures. | Figures, figures, figures. |
386 | 00:22:17,080 | 00:22:18,359 | - 12? - 12? | - 12? - 12? |
387 | 00:22:18,360 | 00:22:21,360 | We're expecting to do quite a lot ofbusiness on the door. | We're expecting to do quite a lot ofbusiness on the door. |
388 | 00:22:21,440 | 00:22:23,359 | I bet you're feeling a bit argh! | I bet you're feeling a bit argh! |
389 | 00:22:23,360 | 00:22:26,360 | No, no, I'm pretty relaxed about it. I'm feeling sort ofhmm... | No, no, I'm pretty relaxed about it. I'm feeling sort ofhmm... |
390 | 00:22:30,080 | 00:22:33,080 | - Well, it's quite a healthy turnout. - Healthy turnout? | - Well, it's quite a healthy turnout. - Healthy turnout? |
391 | 00:22:33,440 | 00:22:35,159 | This is an ill turnout! | This is an ill turnout! |
392 | 00:22:35,160 | 00:22:38,160 | I don't recognise any ofthese people: this kebab shop owner, | I don't recognise any ofthese people: this kebab shop owner, |
393 | 00:22:38,560 | 00:22:40,719 | some child like a butcher's apprentice, | some child like a butcher's apprentice, |
394 | 00:22:40,720 | 00:22:43,720 | and who's she, this Myra Hindley woman? | and who's she, this Myra Hindley woman? |
395 | 00:22:44,240 | 00:22:45,879 | Look, will you stop whingeing? | Look, will you stop whingeing? |
396 | 00:22:45,880 | 00:22:48,880 | When this Prime Minister and Imelda fucking Marcos have gone, | When this Prime Minister and Imelda fucking Marcos have gone, |
397 | 00:22:49,120 | 00:22:52,119 | some ofthese hacks will cease to be pond life. | some ofthese hacks will cease to be pond life. |
398 | 00:22:52,120 | 00:22:54,999 | Just go in and ingratiate yourself, all right? | Just go in and ingratiate yourself, all right? |
399 | 00:22:55,000 | 00:22:58,000 | Anorak. The PM told Geoffto get a life, but he's waiting for the Treasury to clear it. | Anorak. The PM told Geoffto get a life, but he's waiting for the Treasury to clear it. |
400 | 00:23:01,240 | 00:23:02,879 | Ka-tsss! | Ka-tsss! |
401 | 00:23:02,880 | 00:23:05,880 | AndJulius Nicholson says, ''I'm sorry, but I think you'll find you're sitting in my seat.'' | AndJulius Nicholson says, ''I'm sorry, but I think you'll find you're sitting in my seat.'' |
402 | 00:23:09,440 | 00:23:12,440 | And this was to God, as I mentioned in the setup. | And this was to God, as I mentioned in the setup. |
403 | 00:23:12,680 | 00:23:15,119 | Anyway, have a lovely time. | Anyway, have a lovely time. |
404 | 00:23:15,120 | 00:23:17,959 | A fiver ifyou set offthe sprinklers. | A fiver ifyou set offthe sprinklers. |
405 | 00:23:17,960 | 00:23:20,960 | Put Hugh in a room ofpeople, he just clicks. Sounds like West Side Story. | Put Hugh in a room ofpeople, he just clicks. Sounds like West Side Story. |
406 | 00:23:22,440 | 00:23:23,639 | (Clicking fingers) | (Clicking fingers) |
407 | 00:23:23,640 | 00:23:26,039 | - So who do you work for? - Online Telegraph. | - So who do you work for? - Online Telegraph. |
408 | 00:23:26,040 | 00:23:29,040 | I update the subscription-only pages on the website. | I update the subscription-only pages on the website. |
409 | 00:23:30,200 | 00:23:33,200 | - It's a bit dull, really. - I'm sorry, who are you? | - It's a bit dull, really. - I'm sorry, who are you? |
410 | 00:23:33,720 | 00:23:36,479 | I'm not a journalist. I'm just one ofOlly's mates. | I'm not a journalist. I'm just one ofOlly's mates. |
411 | 00:23:36,480 | 00:23:39,480 | - Right. - Erm... | - Right. - Erm... |
412 | 00:23:40,080 | 00:23:41,839 | Angela, hello. | Angela, hello. |
413 | 00:23:41,840 | 00:23:44,840 | - Very nice to see you. Thanks for coming. - So, what about the demotion? | - Very nice to see you. Thanks for coming. - So, what about the demotion? |
414 | 00:23:45,720 | 00:23:47,639 | Sorry, what demotion is that? | Sorry, what demotion is that? |
415 | 00:23:47,640 | 00:23:50,640 | Everyone knows that you're not sending anyone to Tucker's 8:30s any more. | Everyone knows that you're not sending anyone to Tucker's 8:30s any more. |
416 | 00:23:53,120 | 00:23:56,120 | Sorry, you're saying that we're not sending anyone to the 8:30s any more? | Sorry, you're saying that we're not sending anyone to the 8:30s any more? |
417 | 00:23:58,320 | 00:24:00,479 | Yes. That's what I'm saying. | Yes. That's what I'm saying. |
418 | 00:24:00,480 | 00:24:03,480 | Yes, yes, we... | Yes, yes, we... |
419 | 00:24:03,760 | 00:24:06,760 | Glenn, the 8:30s? | Glenn, the 8:30s? |
420 | 00:24:07,320 | 00:24:10,320 | Well, just because erm... | Well, just because erm... |
421 | 00:24:10,680 | 00:24:13,680 | we're not going...to the 8:30s any more, | we're not going...to the 8:30s any more, |
422 | 00:24:14,520 | 00:24:17,520 | doesn't mean to say it isn't normal interdepartmental practice. | doesn't mean to say it isn't normal interdepartmental practice. |
423 | 00:24:19,960 | 00:24:22,959 | There just isn't enough room to get everybody there, | There just isn't enough room to get everybody there, |
424 | 00:24:22,960 | 00:24:25,960 | and it has to occur on a rotational basis. | and it has to occur on a rotational basis. |
425 | 00:24:27,440 | 00:24:30,440 | - Are you getting all this? - Yes, thanks. It'll be on the website. | - Are you getting all this? - Yes, thanks. It'll be on the website. |
426 | 00:24:32,000 | 00:24:35,000 | Why didn't you tell me, Glenn? What possible reason did you have? You saw me. | Why didn't you tell me, Glenn? What possible reason did you have? You saw me. |
427 | 00:24:36,400 | 00:24:39,400 | - I was swinging like a colostomy bag. - Oh, Hugh, grow up. | - I was swinging like a colostomy bag. - Oh, Hugh, grow up. |
428 | 00:24:39,960 | 00:24:42,960 | Stuffhappens in this department every day. I can't tell you everything. | Stuffhappens in this department every day. I can't tell you everything. |
429 | 00:24:44,280 | 00:24:47,280 | Since when, Glenn, does the Secretary ofState for Social Affairs | Since when, Glenn, does the Secretary ofState for Social Affairs |
430 | 00:24:48,240 | 00:24:50,759 | have to find out from the fucking press | have to find out from the fucking press |
431 | 00:24:50,760 | 00:24:53,760 | that every morning at 8:30 I'm being fisted up to the gallbladder by a bald man? | that every morning at 8:30 I'm being fisted up to the gallbladder by a bald man? |
432 | 00:24:55,400 | 00:24:58,400 | - Oh, yes... - Good night. Thanks for coming. | - Oh, yes... - Good night. Thanks for coming. |
433 | 00:24:59,440 | 00:25:02,440 | Right, guys. Thanks very much for staying on. | Right, guys. Thanks very much for staying on. |
434 | 00:25:05,600 | 00:25:07,759 | - Julius Nicholson, right? - Yep. | - Julius Nicholson, right? - Yep. |
435 | 00:25:07,760 | 00:25:10,760 | Blue sky thinker? Ex-business guru? | Blue sky thinker? Ex-business guru? |
436 | 00:25:11,480 | 00:25:13,999 | - Dog rapist? - Quite possibly. | - Dog rapist? - Quite possibly. |
437 | 00:25:14,000 | 00:25:15,959 | He's being a nuisance to me. | He's being a nuisance to me. |
438 | 00:25:15,960 | 00:25:18,960 | He also has got plans to squeeze your department so hard | He also has got plans to squeeze your department so hard |
439 | 00:25:20,000 | 00:25:23,000 | you'll be lucky ifyou're left with one bollock between the three ofyou. | you'll be lucky ifyou're left with one bollock between the three ofyou. |
440 | 00:25:23,640 | 00:25:25,839 | So all I am doing here | So all I am doing here |
441 | 00:25:25,840 | 00:25:28,039 | is asking you formally | is asking you formally |
442 | 00:25:28,040 | 00:25:31,040 | ifyou will join me in a little bit ofa circle jerk. | ifyou will join me in a little bit ofa circle jerk. |
443 | 00:25:33,240 | 00:25:36,240 | - Circle jerk? What...? - A lot ofguys in a circle all...you know. | - Circle jerk? What...? - A lot ofguys in a circle all...you know. |
444 | 00:25:37,800 | 00:25:40,800 | Well, I assume you don't mean literally. Do you? Presumably? | Well, I assume you don't mean literally. Do you? Presumably? |
445 | 00:25:41,080 | 00:25:44,080 | Tony Mack in the lobby, you know him, right? Call him. Now. | Tony Mack in the lobby, you know him, right? Call him. Now. |
446 | 00:25:44,200 | 00:25:47,200 | Tell him that you're getting it that Nicholson is going to get Foreign Sec in the reshuffle. | Tell him that you're getting it that Nicholson is going to get Foreign Sec in the reshuffle. |
447 | 00:25:49,080 | 00:25:52,080 | Tony, hi. How's it dangling? Yeah? | Tony, hi. How's it dangling? Yeah? |
448 | 00:25:52,200 | 00:25:55,200 | I want to run something past you. I wonder ifyou're hearing what I've been hearing, | I want to run something past you. I wonder ifyou're hearing what I've been hearing, |
449 | 00:25:56,680 | 00:25:59,680 | that Nicholson's going to be getting Foreign Sec? | that Nicholson's going to be getting Foreign Sec? |
450 | 00:25:59,760 | 00:26:02,760 | Hugh, who is your top mate in the Commentariat? | Hugh, who is your top mate in the Commentariat? |
451 | 00:26:02,920 | 00:26:04,799 | - Colin Sykes. - Colin Sykes? | - Colin Sykes. - Colin Sykes? |
452 | 00:26:04,800 | 00:26:07,159 | - That's your top mate? - Yeah. | - That's your top mate? - Yeah. |
453 | 00:26:07,160 | 00:26:10,160 | - Call him up. - Hi, Colin, yes, it's Hugh Abbot. How are you? | - Call him up. - Hi, Colin, yes, it's Hugh Abbot. How are you? |
454 | 00:26:11,640 | 00:26:14,199 | Got a decent backhand yet, have you? | Got a decent backhand yet, have you? |
455 | 00:26:14,200 | 00:26:17,200 | Hugh. Hugh Abbot. We played tennis together. Yeah. Yeah! | Hugh. Hugh Abbot. We played tennis together. Yeah. Yeah! |
456 | 00:26:18,840 | 00:26:21,840 | Probably bollocks, but that's what we thought whenJim was up for Home Secretary. | Probably bollocks, but that's what we thought whenJim was up for Home Secretary. |
457 | 00:26:22,880 | 00:26:25,880 | Next thing, he's given up the Colombian marching powder and taken the sacraments. | Next thing, he's given up the Colombian marching powder and taken the sacraments. |
458 | 00:26:26,960 | 00:26:29,599 | Foreign Secretary is exactly where he should be. | Foreign Secretary is exactly where he should be. |
459 | 00:26:29,600 | 00:26:31,999 | - He's a smart guy. - (Mobile ringing) | - He's a smart guy. - (Mobile ringing) |
460 | 00:26:32,000 | 00:26:35,000 | Cath. Yeah, Cath, I don't know where that's come from. | Cath. Yeah, Cath, I don't know where that's come from. |
461 | 00:26:35,440 | 00:26:38,440 | - At one point, I called him a dog rapist. - Stonewall them! | - At one point, I called him a dog rapist. - Stonewall them! |
462 | 00:26:39,520 | 00:26:41,279 | I'll talk to the boss, right? | I'll talk to the boss, right? |
463 | 00:26:41,280 | 00:26:44,280 | And now I'm going to phone the prime minister ofGreat Britain. | And now I'm going to phone the prime minister ofGreat Britain. |
464 | 00:26:45,000 | 00:26:48,000 | All right, boss? I'm sorry to interrupt you, but we're getting hit on the blind side down here. | All right, boss? I'm sorry to interrupt you, but we're getting hit on the blind side down here. |
465 | 00:26:50,280 | 00:26:53,280 | Julius Nicholson. Our phones are white hot. Stuffabout him becoming Foreign Sec. | Julius Nicholson. Our phones are white hot. Stuffabout him becoming Foreign Sec. |
466 | 00:26:56,480 | 00:26:58,679 | Is that...? Am I out ofthe loop here? | Is that...? Am I out ofthe loop here? |
467 | 00:26:58,680 | 00:27:01,680 | The person that's most likely to be getting his mates to put this around is Julius Nicholson. | The person that's most likely to be getting his mates to put this around is Julius Nicholson. |
468 | 00:27:06,400 | 00:27:09,400 | You put so much hope in them. They always let you down. | You put so much hope in them. They always let you down. |
469 | 00:27:09,600 | 00:27:12,600 | I think maybe Julius needs to have his wings clipped a bit, you know. | I think maybe Julius needs to have his wings clipped a bit, you know. |
470 | 00:27:14,920 | 00:27:17,479 | Do you want to do it? | Do you want to do it? |
471 | 00:27:17,480 | 00:27:20,480 | I think you're right. I think it's better that I just have a little chat. | I think you're right. I think it's better that I just have a little chat. |
472 | 00:27:21,320 | 00:27:24,320 | I'll see you in the morning. Night. | I'll see you in the morning. Night. |
473 | 00:27:25,440 | 00:27:27,399 | Fucking brilliant. | Fucking brilliant. |
474 | 00:27:27,400 | 00:27:29,679 | Eight missed messages. | Eight missed messages. |
475 | 00:27:29,680 | 00:27:32,079 | Sleep lightly. | Sleep lightly. |
476 | 00:27:32,080 | 00:27:35,080 | - He's incredible. - Colin Sykes didn't know who I was. | - He's incredible. - Colin Sykes didn't know who I was. |
477 | 00:27:35,400 | 00:27:38,400 | - I don't know who Colin Sykes is. - Swings and roundabouts. | - I don't know who Colin Sykes is. - Swings and roundabouts. |
478 | 00:27:40,040 | 00:27:43,040 | - Who am I? - We'll find out tomorrow, won't we? | - Who am I? - We'll find out tomorrow, won't we? |
479 | 00:27:44,480 | 00:27:47,480 | Morning, morning, morning. What's the story in Bala-fucking-mory? | Morning, morning, morning. What's the story in Bala-fucking-mory? |
480 | 00:27:48,000 | 00:27:49,039 | Reshuffle. | Reshuffle. |
481 | 00:27:49,040 | 00:27:52,040 | You win a year's supply ofcondoms. Which in your case is four. | You win a year's supply ofcondoms. Which in your case is four. |
482 | 00:27:52,440 | 00:27:53,839 | Anything? | Anything? |
483 | 00:27:53,840 | 00:27:56,840 | Fatty's just been in. He just managed to squeeze past the policeman. | Fatty's just been in. He just managed to squeeze past the policeman. |
484 | 00:27:57,720 | 00:27:59,679 | Ifyou were promoted, good for you. | Ifyou were promoted, good for you. |
485 | 00:27:59,680 | 00:28:02,039 | Ifit was a relegation, hard cheese. | Ifit was a relegation, hard cheese. |
486 | 00:28:02,040 | 00:28:05,040 | Ifhe dumps me, I'm going to find that wife ofhis. | Ifhe dumps me, I'm going to find that wife ofhis. |
487 | 00:28:05,200 | 00:28:08,200 | I'll click her right through the fucking head. Boom! | I'll click her right through the fucking head. Boom! |
488 | 00:28:08,960 | 00:28:09,999 | (Phone ringing) | (Phone ringing) |
489 | 00:28:10,000 | 00:28:12,279 | How do you like this jib, darling? Bang! | How do you like this jib, darling? Bang! |
490 | 00:28:12,280 | 00:28:15,280 | - That noise is the phone. - I know. I'm in denial. | - That noise is the phone. - I know. I'm in denial. |
491 | 00:28:15,520 | 00:28:18,520 | But ifyou don't know whether or not you were promoted, you were fucking relegated. | But ifyou don't know whether or not you were promoted, you were fucking relegated. |
492 | 00:28:20,640 | 00:28:22,999 | Great. OK, bye-bye. | Great. OK, bye-bye. |
493 | 00:28:23,000 | 00:28:25,759 | He wants me to go in. I just hope it isn't farmers. | He wants me to go in. I just hope it isn't farmers. |
494 | 00:28:25,760 | 00:28:28,759 | I don't want to have to pretend to be nice to farmers. | I don't want to have to pretend to be nice to farmers. |
495 | 00:28:28,760 | 00:28:31,199 | - Knock it out the park. - Yeah. Good luck. | - Knock it out the park. - Yeah. Good luck. |
496 | 00:28:31,200 | 00:28:32,799 | Welcome back to Robyn | Welcome back to Robyn |
497 | 00:28:32,800 | 00:28:35,800 | from the all-new, totally revamped Department ofSocial Affairs and Citizenship. | from the all-new, totally revamped Department ofSocial Affairs and Citizenship. |
498 | 00:28:40,400 | 00:28:43,400 | I've got no fucking idea what that means, but it spells SAC! | I've got no fucking idea what that means, but it spells SAC! |
499 | 00:28:43,480 | 00:28:46,480 | Thank you. Thank you very much. No autographs, please. | Thank you. Thank you very much. No autographs, please. |
500 | 00:28:47,280 | 00:28:50,280 | (Malcolm) SAC are being turfed out oftheir tatty old building, | (Malcolm) SAC are being turfed out oftheir tatty old building, |
501 | 00:28:50,920 | 00:28:53,920 | to be replaced by Julius Nicholson and his Advanced Implementation Unit. | to be replaced by Julius Nicholson and his Advanced Implementation Unit. |
502 | 00:28:55,240 | 00:28:58,240 | On to the broadcast schedule for today. Colin did Today, which was lovely. | On to the broadcast schedule for today. Colin did Today, which was lovely. |
503 | 00:28:59,240 | 00:29:02,240 | Sweet FA for The World At One, please, as usual. | Sweet FA for The World At One, please, as usual. |
504 | 00:29:02,520 | 00:29:05,439 | You know the lines. Most women ever. | You know the lines. Most women ever. |