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1 00:02:27,899 00:02:32,821 Manhattan Island derives its name from its earliest inhabitants... Manhattan Island derives its name from its earliest inhabitants...
2 00:02:33,071 00:02:35,406 ...the Manhattan Indians. ...the Manhattan Indians.
3 00:02:35,740 00:02:40,537 They were a peaceful tribe, setting traps, fishing, hunting. They were a peaceful tribe, setting traps, fishing, hunting.
4 00:02:40,745 00:02:43,248 There was a custom among them: There was a custom among them:
5 00:02:43,540 00:02:47,168 Every July, when the heat became unbearable... Every July, when the heat became unbearable...
6 00:02:47,377 00:02:51,089 ...they would send their wives and children away. ...they would send their wives and children away.
7 00:02:51,339 00:02:53,424 Up the river to the highlands... Up the river to the highlands...
8 00:02:53,716 00:02:57,762 ...or, if they could afford it, to the seashore. ...or, if they could afford it, to the seashore.
9 00:02:58,054 00:03:02,600 The husbands remained behind to attend to business: The husbands remained behind to attend to business:
10 00:03:02,851 00:03:07,272 Setting traps, fishing and hunting. Setting traps, fishing and hunting.
11 00:03:13,027 00:03:17,532 Our story has nothing whatsoever to do with Indians. Our story has nothing whatsoever to do with Indians.
12 00:03:17,782 00:03:21,244 It plays 500 years later. It plays 500 years later.
13 00:03:21,452 00:03:26,624 Portland, Rockland, Plymouth and Bar Harbor. Portland, Rockland, Plymouth and Bar Harbor.
14 00:03:26,791 00:03:28,751 Departing at 6:30... Departing at 6:30...
15 00:03:28,960 00:03:33,256 We brought up the subject to show how nothing has changed. We brought up the subject to show how nothing has changed.
16 00:03:33,464 00:03:37,302 Manhattan wives and children are still sent away in the summer. Manhattan wives and children are still sent away in the summer.
17 00:03:37,468 00:03:40,763 Husbands remain behind to attend to business: Husbands remain behind to attend to business:
18 00:03:40,972 00:03:43,975 Setting traps, fishing and hunting. Setting traps, fishing and hunting.
19 00:03:44,267 00:03:48,730 We want you to meet a typical Manhattan husband. We want you to meet a typical Manhattan husband.
20 00:03:48,980 00:03:54,819 This is Mr. Richard Sherman, his wife, Helen, and son, Ricky. This is Mr. Richard Sherman, his wife, Helen, and son, Ricky.
21 00:03:55,570 00:03:57,989 Ricky, what are you doing? Ricky, what are you doing?
22 00:03:58,239 00:04:02,160 He's an interplanetary spy. I blasted him into dust. He's an interplanetary spy. I blasted him into dust.
23 00:04:02,410 00:04:06,831 Cut it out. You're going to Maine, not to Mars. Goodbye, Helen. Cut it out. You're going to Maine, not to Mars. Goodbye, Helen.
24 00:04:07,081 00:04:10,793 - Goodbye, Richard. - Why can't Daddy come up with us? - Goodbye, Richard. - Why can't Daddy come up with us?
25 00:04:11,002 00:04:15,924 - Daddy has to stay and make money - Don't worry. I'll be fine. - Daddy has to stay and make money - Don't worry. I'll be fine.
26 00:04:16,174 00:04:20,303 - How will I get my allowance? - I'll mail it to you. - How will I get my allowance? - I'll mail it to you.
27 00:04:20,511 00:04:24,307 You promised to eat properly and not smoke. You promised to eat properly and not smoke.
28 00:04:24,515 00:04:27,852 And you promised not to drink. And you promised not to drink.
29 00:04:28,144 00:04:31,356 - I'll call you tonight at 10. - Goodbye, Helen. - I'll call you tonight at 10. - Goodbye, Helen.
30 00:04:31,606 00:04:35,693 Goodbye, Ricky. Let me kiss you. Goodbye, Ricky. Let me kiss you.
31 00:04:35,860 00:04:39,447 - Take that thing off. - He's shutting off my oxygen! - Take that thing off. - He's shutting off my oxygen!
32 00:04:39,697 00:04:42,116 Come on, we'll miss the train. Come on, we'll miss the train.
33 00:04:46,162 00:04:49,874 Helen, Ricky, the paddle! You forgot the paddle! Helen, Ricky, the paddle! You forgot the paddle!
34 00:04:50,124 00:04:53,878 - Ticket, mister? - My son forgot the paddle. - Ticket, mister? - My son forgot the paddle.
35 00:04:54,128 00:04:59,550 Sorry, only those holding tickets admitted through the gates. Sorry, only those holding tickets admitted through the gates.
36 00:05:11,813 00:05:15,066 Oh, no, not me. Oh, no, not me.
37 00:05:15,566 00:05:17,735 And I'm not gonna smoke either. And I'm not gonna smoke either.
38 00:05:18,027 00:05:23,241 Look at them. Awful. The train isn't even out of the station. Look at them. Awful. The train isn't even out of the station.
39 00:05:24,200 00:05:27,996 Gotta get back to the office. Man, is this hot! Gotta get back to the office. Man, is this hot!
40 00:05:29,247 00:05:32,417 A few more facts about Mr. Sherman: A few more facts about Mr. Sherman:
41 00:05:32,709 00:05:35,586 He works for a publishing firm, Brady & Company. He works for a publishing firm, Brady & Company.
42 00:05:35,837 00:05:40,550 They publish those pocket editions, two bits in any drugstore. They publish those pocket editions, two bits in any drugstore.
43 00:05:40,758 00:05:45,722 Old Mr. Brady is the boss, but Mr. Sherman is the key man. Old Mr. Brady is the boss, but Mr. Sherman is the key man.
44 00:05:45,930 00:05:48,599 He keeps the whole operation together. He keeps the whole operation together.
45 00:05:48,766 00:05:51,936 In the 25-cent book business, you can sell anything. In the 25-cent book business, you can sell anything.
46 00:05:52,228 00:05:54,939 Even the old, dreary classics. Even the old, dreary classics.
47 00:05:55,189 00:05:57,859 The trick is to soup up the title... The trick is to soup up the title...
48 00:05:58,109 00:06:01,279 ...and get an interesting cover. ...and get an interesting cover.
49 00:06:01,571 00:06:04,782 It's all a question of imagination... It's all a question of imagination...
50 00:06:04,949 00:06:08,453 ...and Mr. Sherman has a lot of imagination. ...and Mr. Sherman has a lot of imagination.
51 00:06:11,914 00:06:14,292 That'll be all, Miss Morris. That'll be all, Miss Morris.
52 00:06:16,961 00:06:21,132 Oh, no, not me. Not me. Oh, no, not me. Not me.
53 00:06:23,051 00:06:25,303 And I'm not gonna smoke either. And I'm not gonna smoke either.
54 00:06:26,137 00:06:30,141 Some husbands run wild because their wives are away. Some husbands run wild because their wives are away.
55 00:06:30,308 00:06:32,477 Do anything they want. Do anything they want.
56 00:06:32,727 00:06:35,897 Like Charlie Lederer. Annie was gone two days... Like Charlie Lederer. Annie was gone two days...
57 00:06:36,147 00:06:38,649 ...when Charlie got himself tattooed. ...when Charlie got himself tattooed.
58 00:06:38,900 00:06:42,570 Green dragon on his chest, butterfly on the shoulders. Green dragon on his chest, butterfly on the shoulders.
59 00:06:42,820 00:06:46,407 Not me. Oh, no, work, work-- Not me. Oh, no, work, work--
60 00:06:47,116 00:06:51,162 I'll work till 6, then have dinner at the saloon-- I'll work till 6, then have dinner at the saloon--
61 00:06:51,412 00:06:55,500 No! No saloon, no drinking like Dr. Summers said. No! No saloon, no drinking like Dr. Summers said.
62 00:06:55,792 00:06:59,629 I know, I'll try that vegetarian restaurant. I know, I'll try that vegetarian restaurant.
63 00:06:59,837 00:07:02,256 Health food, that's the stuff. Health food, that's the stuff.
64 00:07:02,507 00:07:06,177 The human body is a very delicate machine. The human body is a very delicate machine.
65 00:07:06,469 00:07:09,263 You can't run it on martinis and goulash. You can't run it on martinis and goulash.
66 00:07:09,514 00:07:11,849 Especially in this hot weather. Especially in this hot weather.
67 00:07:13,017 00:07:17,188 - Miss, may I have the check, please? - Yes, sir. - Miss, may I have the check, please? - Yes, sir.
68 00:07:17,522 00:07:21,859 Let's see. We had the special, the soybean hamburger... Let's see. We had the special, the soybean hamburger...
69 00:07:22,151 00:07:23,861 ...with French-fried soybeans. ...with French-fried soybeans.
70 00:07:24,153 00:07:26,864 Soybean sherbet and peppermint tea. Soybean sherbet and peppermint tea.
71 00:07:27,532 00:07:29,200 I had a cocktail to start. I had a cocktail to start.
72 00:07:29,492 00:07:33,037 Yes, we had the sauerkraut juice on the rocks. Yes, we had the sauerkraut juice on the rocks.
73 00:07:33,329 00:07:37,959 You'll be proud to know that the meal was only 260 calories. You'll be proud to know that the meal was only 260 calories.
74 00:07:38,209 00:07:39,710 I am proud. I am proud.
75 00:07:40,044 00:07:43,464 That'll be $1.27. That'll be $1.27.
76 00:07:43,714 00:07:47,218 - Keep the change. - We don't permit tipping. - Keep the change. - We don't permit tipping.
77 00:07:47,510 00:07:50,138 I can put it in our nudist camp fund. I can put it in our nudist camp fund.
78 00:07:50,388 00:07:52,557 - You do that. - Oh, thank you, sir. - You do that. - Oh, thank you, sir.
79 00:07:52,807 00:07:57,353 It's a worthy cause. We must bring the message to the people. It's a worthy cause. We must bring the message to the people.
80 00:07:57,562 00:08:02,567 To unmask our suffocating bodies and let them breathe again. To unmask our suffocating bodies and let them breathe again.
81 00:08:02,900 00:08:07,405 Without clothes there'd be no sickness and no war. Without clothes there'd be no sickness and no war.
82 00:08:07,697 00:08:11,576 Can you imagine two armies on the battlefield... Can you imagine two armies on the battlefield...
83 00:08:11,826 00:08:14,078 ...no uniforms, completely nude? ...no uniforms, completely nude?
84 00:08:14,370 00:08:19,083 No way of telling friend from foe, all brothers together. No way of telling friend from foe, all brothers together.
85 00:08:19,333 00:08:23,379 Just a moment, sir. You forgot your paddle. Just a moment, sir. You forgot your paddle.
86 00:08:24,881 00:08:26,257 Thank you. Thank you.
87 00:08:40,104 00:08:41,856 I like this house. I like this house.
88 00:08:42,064 00:08:45,359 Why does Helen want to move into one of those... Why does Helen want to move into one of those...
89 00:08:45,610 00:08:48,446 ...buildings out of Riot in Cellblock 11? ...buildings out of Riot in Cellblock 11?
90 00:08:48,613 00:08:51,616 So much nicer here. Just three apartments. So much nicer here. Just three apartments.
91 00:08:51,866 00:08:53,784 Ours, Kaufmans upstairs... Ours, Kaufmans upstairs...
92 00:08:54,035 00:08:59,040 ...and two guys on the top, interior decorators or something. ...and two guys on the top, interior decorators or something.
93 00:09:10,968 00:09:15,306 It's peaceful with everybody gone. Sure is peaceful. It's peaceful with everybody gone. Sure is peaceful.
94 00:09:15,598 00:09:19,143 No Howdy Doody. No Captain Video. No Howdy Doody. No Captain Video.
95 00:09:19,393 00:09:23,606 No smell of cooking. No "What happened at the office?" No smell of cooking. No "What happened at the office?"
96 00:09:23,814 00:09:28,653 I shot Mr. Brady in the head, made violent love to Miss Morris... I shot Mr. Brady in the head, made violent love to Miss Morris...
97 00:09:28,903 00:09:34,909 ...and set fire to 300,000 copies of Little Women. That's what happened. ...and set fire to 300,000 copies of Little Women. That's what happened.
98 00:09:36,244 00:09:41,415 What can happen at the office? It sure is peaceful. What can happen at the office? It sure is peaceful.
99 00:09:48,089 00:09:50,424 "Use the opener, Richard." "Use the opener, Richard."
100 00:10:04,438 00:10:07,650 "Carbonated water, citric acid, corn syrup... "Carbonated water, citric acid, corn syrup...
101 00:10:07,900 00:10:10,361 ...artificial raspberry flavoring... ...artificial raspberry flavoring...
102 00:10:10,611 00:10:13,572 ...vegetable colors and preservative." ...vegetable colors and preservative."
103 00:10:13,823 00:10:17,326 Why is this stuff better for you... Why is this stuff better for you...
104 00:10:17,576 00:10:20,579 ...than a little scotch and a twist of lemon? ...than a little scotch and a twist of lemon?
105 00:10:20,830 00:10:22,707 I'd really like to know. I'd really like to know.
106 00:10:23,916 00:10:26,877 Helen's gonna call at 10. Helen's gonna call at 10.
107 00:10:27,461 00:10:30,548 I guess I better do a little reading. I guess I better do a little reading.
108 00:10:30,798 00:10:34,510 I brought Dr. Brubaker's manuscript home with me-- I brought Dr. Brubaker's manuscript home with me--
109 00:10:41,142 00:10:43,185 Ricky! Ricky!
110 00:10:43,436 00:10:48,441 Okay, where is it? Where is the other one? Okay, where is it? Where is the other one?
111 00:10:48,691 00:10:52,111 I know it's lurking here somewhere to get me. I know it's lurking here somewhere to get me.
112 00:10:52,320 00:10:55,531 Where is Captain Video's other roller skate? Where is Captain Video's other roller skate?
113 00:10:59,327 00:11:01,078 Now, who's that? Now, who's that?
114 00:11:16,552 00:11:19,680 - Yes, what is it? - I'm sorry to bother you. - Yes, what is it? - I'm sorry to bother you.
115 00:11:19,930 00:11:23,476 I forgot my key, so I had to ring your bell. I forgot my key, so I had to ring your bell.
116 00:11:24,643 00:11:26,729 It's perfectly all right. It's perfectly all right.
117 00:11:28,147 00:11:32,151 Anytime. Anything else I can do for you? Anytime. Anything else I can do for you?
118 00:11:32,360 00:11:34,779 Would you mind pressing it again? Would you mind pressing it again?
119 00:11:35,029 00:11:37,448 My fan's caught in the door. My fan's caught in the door.
120 00:11:37,698 00:11:40,701 Oh, of course. Oh, of course.
121 00:11:41,744 00:11:44,330 - Thanks. - Do you live in our building? - Thanks. - Do you live in our building?
122 00:11:44,580 00:11:48,334 In the Kaufmans' apartment. They're in Europe. In the Kaufmans' apartment. They're in Europe.
123 00:11:48,626 00:11:53,130 I know you'll be happy here. It's a very quiet building. I know you'll be happy here. It's a very quiet building.
124 00:11:53,381 00:11:56,884 No dogs, no children, just two interior decorators. No dogs, no children, just two interior decorators.
125 00:11:57,093 00:11:59,261 And you, and of course, me. And you, and of course, me.
126 00:12:01,097 00:12:04,642 - You all right? - Oh, sure, fine. - You all right? - Oh, sure, fine.
127 00:12:04,892 00:12:06,352 Well, good night. Well, good night.
128 00:12:07,895 00:12:09,480 Good night. Good night.
129 00:12:17,571 00:12:19,490 Well, now. Well, now.
130 00:12:21,742 00:12:25,496 Maybe I should have asked her in for a drink. Maybe I should have asked her in for a drink.
131 00:12:25,746 00:12:30,292 Make her feel at home. After all, we're one big family here. Make her feel at home. After all, we're one big family here.
132 00:12:33,963 00:12:35,756 Oh, no, no. Oh, no, no.
133 00:12:57,778 00:13:01,824 I've got to get to work on the Brubaker book. I've got to get to work on the Brubaker book.
134 00:13:02,074 00:13:05,703 I'm gonna talk to him about it tomorrow, so I better. I'm gonna talk to him about it tomorrow, so I better.
135 00:13:05,953 00:13:10,207 Of Man and the Unconscious, by Dr. Ludwig Brubaker. Of Man and the Unconscious, by Dr. Ludwig Brubaker.
136 00:13:10,499 00:13:11,584 Some title. Some title.
137 00:13:11,876 00:13:16,046 We'll have to soup this one up, that's for sure. We'll have to soup this one up, that's for sure.
138 00:13:22,595 00:13:24,597 Ten o'clock. Ten o'clock.
139 00:13:25,055 00:13:28,350 Helen's not gonna call till 10:00. Helen's not gonna call till 10:00.
140 00:13:28,684 00:13:32,938 I hope this thing keeps me awake till 10:00. I hope this thing keeps me awake till 10:00.
141 00:13:34,815 00:13:37,067 Chapter three: Chapter three:
142 00:13:37,318 00:13:40,446 "The Repressed Urge in the Middle-Aged Male. "The Repressed Urge in the Middle-Aged Male.
143 00:13:40,654 00:13:43,365 Its Roots and Its Consequences." Its Roots and Its Consequences."
144 00:13:44,909 00:13:47,870 Helen has a lot of nerve calling me at 10:00. Helen has a lot of nerve calling me at 10:00.
145 00:13:48,120 00:13:51,207 It shows a definite lack of trust. It shows a definite lack of trust.
146 00:13:51,499 00:13:56,212 What does she think I'm gonna do? Start smoking? Get drunk? What does she think I'm gonna do? Start smoking? Get drunk?
147 00:13:56,504 00:14:01,300 Or tattooed? Charlie... Big, green dragon. Or tattooed? Charlie... Big, green dragon.
148 00:14:02,343 00:14:05,513 I bet she thinks I'll have girls up here. I bet she thinks I'll have girls up here.
149 00:14:05,763 00:14:07,348 That's terrible. That's terrible.
150 00:14:07,598 00:14:12,520 Seven years we've been married. I've never done anything like that. Seven years we've been married. I've never done anything like that.
151 00:14:12,770 00:14:18,025 Don't think I couldn't have either. Because I could have, plenty. Don't think I couldn't have either. Because I could have, plenty.
152 00:14:19,443 00:14:21,320 Plenty. Plenty.
153 00:14:25,032 00:14:26,909 Don't laugh, Helen. Don't laugh, Helen.
154 00:14:27,117 00:14:30,621 I happen to be very attractive to women. I happen to be very attractive to women.
155 00:14:30,871 00:14:34,250 You're attractive to me, but I'm used to you. You're attractive to me, but I'm used to you.
156 00:14:34,458 00:14:37,878 This isn't a thing one likes to tell his wife... This isn't a thing one likes to tell his wife...
157 00:14:38,128 00:14:43,467 ...but women have been throwing themselves at me for years. ...but women have been throwing themselves at me for years.
158 00:14:43,717 00:14:47,638 That's right, beautiful ones, plenty of them. That's right, beautiful ones, plenty of them.
159 00:14:48,055 00:14:51,350 - Acres and acres of them. - Name one. - Acres and acres of them. - Name one.
160 00:14:51,600 00:14:56,355 It's hard just offhand, but there have been plenty of them. It's hard just offhand, but there have been plenty of them.
161 00:14:56,772 00:15:00,568 You asked for it. Take my secretary, for instance. You asked for it. Take my secretary, for instance.
162 00:15:00,818 00:15:05,656 To you, she's just Miss Morris, a piece of office furniture. To you, she's just Miss Morris, a piece of office furniture.
163 00:15:05,906 00:15:08,075 Ten fingers to type my letters. Ten fingers to type my letters.
164 00:15:08,325 00:15:10,953 Well, let me tell you. Well, let me tell you.
165 00:15:11,453 00:15:14,456 - Did you type this letter? - Yes, Mr. Sherman. - Did you type this letter? - Yes, Mr. Sherman.
166 00:15:14,748 00:15:18,168 There are six errors in the first paragraph. There are six errors in the first paragraph.
167 00:15:18,419 00:15:20,546 What is the matter with you? What is the matter with you?
168 00:15:20,796 00:15:25,384 - What's the matter with you? - I'll tell you what's the matter. - What's the matter with you? - I'll tell you what's the matter.
169 00:15:25,634 00:15:30,431 I'm in love with you. I have been since the day I came here. I'm in love with you. I have been since the day I came here.
170 00:15:30,681 00:15:34,393 Deeply, madly, desperately, all-consumingly. Deeply, madly, desperately, all-consumingly.
171 00:15:34,685 00:15:38,147 And to you I'm nothing, just a piece of furniture. And to you I'm nothing, just a piece of furniture.
172 00:15:38,397 00:15:41,150 Ten fingers to type your letters with. Ten fingers to type your letters with.
173 00:15:41,400 00:15:46,280 Mr. Sherman, take a look at me. I'm a woman, do you hear? Mr. Sherman, take a look at me. I'm a woman, do you hear?
174 00:15:46,530 00:15:49,491 With flesh and blood and nerves and feelings! With flesh and blood and nerves and feelings!
175 00:15:49,742 00:15:55,122 I'm in love with you. I need you, I want you. I want you I'm in love with you. I need you, I want you. I want you
176 00:16:00,836 00:16:03,297 That will be all, Miss Morris. That will be all, Miss Morris.
177 00:16:15,851 00:16:20,981 You remember that torn shirt, Helen? Now you know how it happened. You remember that torn shirt, Helen? Now you know how it happened.
178 00:16:22,441 00:16:27,780 It got torn at the laundry, that's how it happened. What an imagination! It got torn at the laundry, that's how it happened. What an imagination!
179 00:16:28,405 00:16:31,241 You don't realize this about women and me: You don't realize this about women and me:
180 00:16:31,492 00:16:34,203 I walk into a room and they sense it. I walk into a room and they sense it.
181 00:16:34,453 00:16:37,915 I arouse something in them, I bother them. I arouse something in them, I bother them.
182 00:16:38,207 00:16:42,711 It's a kind of animal thing I've got. It's quite extraordinary. It's a kind of animal thing I've got. It's quite extraordinary.
183 00:16:42,961 00:16:46,256 The only extraordinary thing is your imagination. The only extraordinary thing is your imagination.
184 00:16:46,507 00:16:49,760 Last winter when I had my appendix out... Last winter when I had my appendix out...
185 00:16:49,927 00:16:52,221 ...do you remember the nurse? ...do you remember the nurse?
186 00:16:52,471 00:16:56,558 That sweet, little old lady with the gray hair? That sweet, little old lady with the gray hair?
187 00:16:56,850 00:16:59,061 That was the day nurse. That was the day nurse.
188 00:16:59,269 00:17:04,358 You never saw the night nurse, a certain Miss Finch. You never saw the night nurse, a certain Miss Finch.
189 00:17:04,566 00:17:09,029 Poor Miss Finch. She fought it as long as she could. Poor Miss Finch. She fought it as long as she could.
190 00:17:09,279 00:17:12,616 - But then one night... - Richard! - But then one night... - Richard!
191 00:17:12,866 00:17:16,495 Miss Finch, please, not again tonight. Miss Finch, please, not again tonight.
192 00:17:18,497 00:17:20,624 We have so little time. We have so little time.
193 00:17:20,916 00:17:26,130 Soon they'll take out your stitches and I'll have lost you forever. Soon they'll take out your stitches and I'll have lost you forever.
194 00:17:27,297 00:17:31,468 Please, Miss Finch. There is such a thing as ethics. Please, Miss Finch. There is such a thing as ethics.
195 00:17:31,593 00:17:34,596 Remember, you are a registered nurse. Remember, you are a registered nurse.
196 00:17:34,847 00:17:40,185 Ethics? Once I had ethics. Once I was young. Ethics? Once I had ethics. Once I was young.
197 00:17:40,477 00:17:45,315 Once I had ideals. I was registered! And then you happened. Once I had ideals. I was registered! And then you happened.
198 00:17:45,566 00:17:50,279 Miss Finch, for five nights now you've been taking my pulse. Miss Finch, for five nights now you've been taking my pulse.
199 00:17:50,529 00:17:54,533 Have you never noticed this simple band of gold? Have you never noticed this simple band of gold?
200 00:17:54,783 00:18:00,164 You've bothered me since they wheeled you into the operating room. You've bothered me since they wheeled you into the operating room.
201 00:18:00,372 00:18:05,252 I can't understand it. There's this animal thing about you. I can't understand it. There's this animal thing about you.
202 00:18:07,129 00:18:09,590 Please, Miss Finch, my adhesions. Please, Miss Finch, my adhesions.
203 00:18:09,840 00:18:13,594 Let's crash out of here. Let's steal an ambulance. Let's crash out of here. Let's steal an ambulance.
204 00:18:13,886 00:18:17,723 You're not fit to wear that uniform. You're not fit to wear that uniform.
205 00:18:18,015 00:18:20,225 You're rotten to the core. You're rotten to the core.
206 00:18:21,435 00:18:25,439 Beat me till your arms ache. Beat me till your arms ache.
207 00:18:25,689 00:18:28,817 I'll only come crawling back for more. I'll only come crawling back for more.
208 00:18:29,318 00:18:32,738 You're forcing me to take measures... You're forcing me to take measures...
209 00:18:32,946 00:18:35,032 ...to protect you from yourself. ...to protect you from yourself.
210 00:18:39,828 00:18:43,165 No, no! No, no!
211 00:18:43,415 00:18:47,169 Put me down! Put me down! Put me down! Put me down!
212 00:18:54,635 00:18:57,721 The moth and the flame, that's what it was. The moth and the flame, that's what it was.
213 00:18:57,971 00:19:02,601 Poor Miss Finch. I hope I didn't singe her wings too badly. Poor Miss Finch. I hope I didn't singe her wings too badly.
214 00:19:02,851 00:19:06,688 You read too many books and see too many movies. You read too many books and see too many movies.
215 00:19:08,690 00:19:14,029 For instance, take Elaine. Your best friend, your bridesmaid. For instance, take Elaine. Your best friend, your bridesmaid.
216 00:19:14,279 00:19:18,408 Let me tell you about that weekend in Westport last summer. Let me tell you about that weekend in Westport last summer.
217 00:19:18,659 00:19:22,371 You were playing canasta, suspecting nothing. You were playing canasta, suspecting nothing.
218 00:19:22,663 00:19:25,874 Elaine and I went for a walk. Walk! Elaine and I went for a walk. Walk!
219 00:19:26,083 00:19:30,087 We went swimming, moonlight swimming. We went swimming, moonlight swimming.
220 00:19:41,056 00:19:46,311 What is this strange animal thing you have? It bothers me. What is this strange animal thing you have? It bothers me.
221 00:19:46,603 00:19:50,023 It's bothered me since the first time I saw you. It's bothered me since the first time I saw you.
222 00:19:50,274 00:19:54,695 And it'll bother me always, from here to eternity. And it'll bother me always, from here to eternity.
223 00:20:01,243 00:20:06,039 You must fight it, Elaine. Remember, I belong to another. You must fight it, Elaine. Remember, I belong to another.
224 00:20:06,290 00:20:07,499 Richard! Richard!
225 00:20:07,708 00:20:13,046 This can never be. I have a devoted, trusting wife at home. This can never be. I have a devoted, trusting wife at home.
226 00:20:13,297 00:20:17,259 And a freckle-faced little space cadet. And a freckle-faced little space cadet.
227 00:20:17,843 00:20:19,970 Richard! Richard!
228 00:20:37,779 00:20:41,408 So, Helen, in light of the circumstances... So, Helen, in light of the circumstances...
229 00:20:41,658 00:20:44,870 ...I resent your calling to check up on me. ...I resent your calling to check up on me.
230 00:20:45,120 00:20:46,914 Don't worry about me. Don't worry about me.
231 00:20:47,164 00:20:51,418 Although I have tremendous personal magnetism... Although I have tremendous personal magnetism...
232 00:20:51,710 00:20:54,421 ...I also have strength of character. ...I also have strength of character.
233 00:20:54,671 00:20:57,090 And tremendous imagination. And tremendous imagination.
234 00:20:57,341 00:21:02,763 You've begun to imagine it Cinemascope, with stereophonic sound. You've begun to imagine it Cinemascope, with stereophonic sound.
235 00:21:05,349 00:21:06,725 Well... Well...
236 00:21:08,018 00:21:09,436 ...back to work. ...back to work.
237 00:21:11,188 00:21:13,398 Chapter three: Chapter three:
238 00:21:14,274 00:21:20,155 "The Repressed Urge in the Middle-Aged Male. Its Roots and Its Consequences." "The Repressed Urge in the Middle-Aged Male. Its Roots and Its Consequences."
239 00:21:22,991 00:21:26,620 Helen is worried. I just know she is. Helen is worried. I just know she is.
240 00:21:26,870 00:21:29,539 She plays it cool, but she can't fool me. She plays it cool, but she can't fool me.
241 00:21:29,790 00:21:33,752 Why else would she call in the middle of the night? Why else would she call in the middle of the night?
242 00:21:34,002 00:21:38,757 She probably figures she isn't as young as she was. She's 31. She probably figures she isn't as young as she was. She's 31.
243 00:21:39,007 00:21:42,844 One day she'll wake up and find her looks are gone. One day she'll wake up and find her looks are gone.
244 00:21:43,095 00:21:45,138 No wonder she's worried. No wonder she's worried.
245 00:21:45,389 00:21:48,767 I don't look different than I did when I was 28. I don't look different than I did when I was 28.
246 00:21:49,059 00:21:53,063 It's not my fault, it's just a simple biological fact. It's not my fault, it's just a simple biological fact.
247 00:21:53,271 00:21:55,691 Women age quicker than men. Women age quicker than men.
248 00:21:55,941 00:22:01,029 I won't look different when I'm 60. I have that kind of a face. I won't look different when I'm 60. I have that kind of a face.
249 00:22:01,279 00:22:04,533 Everybody'll think she's my mother. Everybody'll think she's my mother.
250 00:22:14,001 00:22:15,544 Hello, Mother? Hello, Mother?
251 00:22:16,003 00:22:17,963 Oh, Helen! Oh, Helen!
252 00:22:18,130 00:22:22,467 I wasn't expecting you to call till 10. Everything all right? I wasn't expecting you to call till 10. Everything all right?
253 00:22:22,759 00:22:27,431 Everything's fine here. Seems pretty empty without you, though. Everything's fine here. Seems pretty empty without you, though.
254 00:22:27,723 00:22:30,600 Just sitting out on the terrace... Just sitting out on the terrace...
255 00:22:30,767 00:22:34,730 ...drinking, getting fractured on raspberry soda. ...drinking, getting fractured on raspberry soda.
256 00:22:36,106 00:22:39,609 Little Ricky okay? Oh, he did? Little Ricky okay? Oh, he did?
257 00:22:39,901 00:22:43,613 He hasn't done that for a long time. It's the excitement. He hasn't done that for a long time. It's the excitement.
258 00:22:44,948 00:22:46,783 That's nice. That's nice.
259 00:22:49,745 00:22:53,623 Who did you meet on the train? Tom MacKenzie? Who did you meet on the train? Tom MacKenzie?
260 00:22:54,124 00:22:56,126 What's he doing up there? What's he doing up there?
261 00:22:57,335 00:23:00,464 My advice is to avoid Tom like the plague. My advice is to avoid Tom like the plague.
262 00:23:00,630 00:23:03,967 I don't want him carrying Ricky's kayak. I don't want him carrying Ricky's kayak.
263 00:23:04,217 00:23:07,721 If anybody carries Ricky's kayak, it's gonna be you. If anybody carries Ricky's kayak, it's gonna be you.
264 00:23:07,971 00:23:09,806 How's the weather? Cool? How's the weather? Cool?
265 00:23:10,724 00:23:14,686 It's steaming here, like an oven. It's steaming here, like an oven.
266 00:23:15,062 00:23:17,981 Yeah, I'm pretty tired myself. Yeah, I'm pretty tired myself.
267 00:23:18,482 00:23:21,234 Night. Good night, darling. Night. Good night, darling.
268 00:23:27,824 00:23:29,993 Chapter three: Chapter three:
269 00:23:30,160 00:23:33,163 "The Repressed Urge in the Middle-Aged Male. "The Repressed Urge in the Middle-Aged Male.
270 00:23:33,413 00:23:37,209 Its Roots and Its Consequences." Its Roots and Its Consequences."
271 00:23:38,335 00:23:42,923 Maybe a twist of lemon would help this, or a shot of Worcestershire. Maybe a twist of lemon would help this, or a shot of Worcestershire.
272 00:23:59,106 00:24:02,734 Hey, what's the big idea?! You wanna kill somebody? Hey, what's the big idea?! You wanna kill somebody?
273 00:24:03,360 00:24:07,531 - What's the matter? - This great cast-iron pot... - What's the matter? - This great cast-iron pot...
274 00:24:07,739 00:24:09,783 ...practically killed me. ...practically killed me.
275 00:24:10,033 00:24:13,787 Oh, it's you. Well, hello again. Oh, it's you. Well, hello again.
276 00:24:14,037 00:24:17,374 What happened? Oh, the tomato plant fell over! What happened? Oh, the tomato plant fell over!
277 00:24:17,707 00:24:18,875 It sure did. It sure did.
278 00:24:19,084 00:24:21,920 - I'm terribly sorry. - It's nothing. - I'm terribly sorry. - It's nothing.
279 00:24:22,129 00:24:24,381 Look at that poor chair! Look at that poor chair!
280 00:24:24,631 00:24:28,552 I'll pay for it. I hope it's not some priceless antique. I'll pay for it. I hope it's not some priceless antique.
281 00:24:28,885 00:24:33,932 - It's just early Sears, Roebuck. - If there's anything I can do... - It's just early Sears, Roebuck. - If there's anything I can do...
282 00:24:34,224 00:24:37,769 Do what? There's nothing to worry about. Do what? There's nothing to worry about.
283 00:24:38,061 00:24:42,315 I'm certainly glad you're not mad. Now don't touch it. I'm certainly glad you're not mad. Now don't touch it.
284 00:24:42,566 00:24:45,068 I'll have the janitor come down... I'll have the janitor come down...
285 00:24:45,318 00:24:48,238 ...and take care of it. Good night. ...and take care of it. Good night.
286 00:24:48,488 00:24:50,740 - Hey there! Wait a minute. - Yes? - Hey there! Wait a minute. - Yes?
287 00:24:50,991 00:24:53,785 I'll tell you one thing you could do. I'll tell you one thing you could do.
288 00:24:54,077 00:24:57,455 If you're not doing anything else more important. If you're not doing anything else more important.
289 00:24:57,747 00:25:00,417 Would you have a drink with me? Would you have a drink with me?
290 00:25:00,792 00:25:03,628 - Thanks, I'd love it. - You would? - Thanks, I'd love it. - You would?
291 00:25:03,837 00:25:05,172 Sure, it'd be fun. Sure, it'd be fun.
292 00:25:05,422 00:25:10,760 Let me just go and put something on. I get dressed in the kitchen. Let me just go and put something on. I get dressed in the kitchen.
293 00:25:11,011 00:25:15,932 When it's hot like this, I keep my undies in the icebox. When it's hot like this, I keep my undies in the icebox.
294 00:25:17,017 00:25:20,103 - In the icebox? - See you in a minute. - In the icebox? - See you in a minute.
295 00:25:22,814 00:25:26,193 In the icebox! In the icebox!
296 00:26:00,685 00:26:04,314 I really need it, Dr. Murphy. Honest I do. I really need it, Dr. Murphy. Honest I do.
297 00:26:07,317 00:26:10,987 Don't worry, Dr. Murphy Just one, that's all. Don't worry, Dr. Murphy Just one, that's all.
298 00:26:24,167 00:26:28,213 All those lovely injurious tars and resins. All those lovely injurious tars and resins.
299 00:26:28,505 00:26:31,883 And now a small concession from Dr. Summers? And now a small concession from Dr. Summers?
300 00:26:44,229 00:26:48,900 Doctor, let's be reasonable. Can't fly on one wing. Doctor, let's be reasonable. Can't fly on one wing.
301 00:26:49,192 00:26:52,195 Okay, I'll put some soda in it. Okay, I'll put some soda in it.
302 00:27:01,413 00:27:05,041 "Do you want to come in for a drink?" "I'd love it." "Do you want to come in for a drink?" "I'd love it."
303 00:27:05,250 00:27:06,876 Just like that. Just like that.
304 00:27:08,712 00:27:13,758 A beautiful girl too. Must be a model or actress. A beautiful girl too. Must be a model or actress.
305 00:27:33,111 00:27:36,614 Atmosphere. I need a little atmosphere. Atmosphere. I need a little atmosphere.
306 00:27:40,327 00:27:42,579 Tomato plant. Tomato plant.
307 00:27:43,246 00:27:45,582 Fan caught in the door. Fan caught in the door.
308 00:27:48,752 00:27:52,339 What am I doing? This is absolutely ridiculous. What am I doing? This is absolutely ridiculous.
309 00:27:52,630 00:27:56,968 The first night Helen leaves, I'm bringing dames in here. The first night Helen leaves, I'm bringing dames in here.
310 00:28:06,770 00:28:07,771 Take it easy. Take it easy.
311 00:28:07,979 00:28:13,443 There's nothing wrong with asking a neighbor down for a drink. There's nothing wrong with asking a neighbor down for a drink.
312 00:28:14,069 00:28:16,780 I hope she doesn't get the wrong idea. I hope she doesn't get the wrong idea.
313 00:28:16,946 00:28:21,951 If this dame thinks she's in for a big time, she's in for a surprise. If this dame thinks she's in for a big time, she's in for a surprise.
314 00:28:22,160 00:28:25,663 One drink and out! I'm a happily married man. One drink and out! I'm a happily married man.
315 00:28:26,289 00:28:28,583 Maybe a little soft music. Maybe a little soft music.
316 00:28:29,959 00:28:32,462 She's probably getting all fixed up. She's probably getting all fixed up.
317 00:28:32,796 00:28:36,800 She'll probably wear some ice-cold evening dress. She'll probably wear some ice-cold evening dress.
318 00:28:37,008 00:28:42,347 Let's see. Debussy, Ravel. Let's see. Debussy, Ravel.
319 00:28:42,639 00:28:46,768 Stravinsky. Stravinsky'd only scare her. Stravinsky. Stravinsky'd only scare her.
320 00:28:47,769 00:28:51,773 Here's the baby, Rachmaninoff. Give her the full treatment. Here's the baby, Rachmaninoff. Give her the full treatment.
321 00:28:51,981 00:28:54,275 Come in like gangbusters. Come in like gangbusters.
322 00:29:01,825 00:29:03,159 Good old Rachmaninoff. Good old Rachmaninoff.
323 00:29:03,493 00:29:07,664 The Second Piano Concerto. Never misses. The Second Piano Concerto. Never misses.
324 00:29:38,403 00:29:41,823 You came. I'm so glad. You came. I'm so glad.
325 00:29:45,577 00:29:50,331 - Rachmaninoff. - The Second Piano Concerto. - Rachmaninoff. - The Second Piano Concerto.
326 00:29:50,665 00:29:54,502 - It isn't fair. - Not fair? Why? - It isn't fair. - Not fair? Why?
327 00:29:55,211 00:29:58,923 - Every time I hear it, I go to pieces. - Oh? - Every time I hear it, I go to pieces. - Oh?
328 00:30:02,218 00:30:04,512 May I sit next to you? May I sit next to you?
329 00:30:06,264 00:30:08,057 Please do. Please do.
330 00:30:31,247 00:30:34,125 It shakes me, it quakes me. It shakes me, it quakes me.
331 00:30:34,375 00:30:37,086 It makes me goose-pimply all over. It makes me goose-pimply all over.
332 00:30:37,295 00:30:42,300 I don't know where I am, or who I am, or what I'm doing. I don't know where I am, or who I am, or what I'm doing.
333 00:30:42,592 00:30:47,555 Don't stop, don't stop. Don't ever stop. Don't stop, don't stop. Don't ever stop.
334 00:30:49,224 00:30:53,603 - Why did you stop? - You know why I stopped. - Why did you stop? - You know why I stopped.
335 00:30:53,895 00:30:56,940 - Why? - Because. - Why? - Because.
336 00:30:57,148 00:31:00,568 Because now I'm going to kiss you... Because now I'm going to kiss you...
337 00:31:00,777 00:31:03,571 ...very quickly and very hard. ...very quickly and very hard.
338 00:31:25,635 00:31:27,512 One moment, my dear. One moment, my dear.
339 00:31:32,767 00:31:34,352 You came. You came.
340 00:31:35,186 00:31:37,981 Yeah, I came for the rugs. Yeah, I came for the rugs.
341 00:31:38,189 00:31:40,817 The rugs? What is it you want? The rugs? What is it you want?
342 00:31:41,109 00:31:43,945 The bedroom rugs. I promised Mrs. Sherman. The bedroom rugs. I promised Mrs. Sherman.
343 00:31:44,153 00:31:45,280 Mr. Kruhulik-- Mr. Kruhulik--
344 00:31:45,363 00:31:48,950 - It's on account of the moths. - Forget the rugs. - It's on account of the moths. - Forget the rugs.
345 00:31:49,158 00:31:53,621 Your wife is gonna find them full of big, gaping holes. Your wife is gonna find them full of big, gaping holes.
346 00:31:53,830 00:31:56,332 Who'll get blamed? The janitor. Who'll get blamed? The janitor.
347 00:31:56,541 00:32:00,211 Pick them up tomorrow while I'm at the office. Pick them up tomorrow while I'm at the office.
348 00:32:00,503 00:32:05,550 I can't. I'm taking the missus and the kids to the train. I can't. I'm taking the missus and the kids to the train.
349 00:32:05,842 00:32:10,847 - They're going to the country. - All right, in the afternoon then. - They're going to the country. - All right, in the afternoon then.
350 00:32:11,055 00:32:16,477 I can't do it then. I'm going to the barber in the afternoon. I can't do it then. I'm going to the barber in the afternoon.
351 00:32:16,686 00:32:21,858 I'm gonna take a shave, haircut, manicure, the whole works. I'm gonna take a shave, haircut, manicure, the whole works.
352 00:32:22,025 00:32:26,529 I couldn't care less. Come tomorrow evening, just not now. I couldn't care less. Come tomorrow evening, just not now.
353 00:32:26,738 00:32:31,868 Tomorrow evening? Do you know the maid from 531 Park? Tomorrow evening? Do you know the maid from 531 Park?
354 00:32:32,076 00:32:37,248 You must've seen her walking down the street with her fat poodle. You must've seen her walking down the street with her fat poodle.
355 00:32:37,540 00:32:38,541 What? What?
356 00:32:38,708 00:32:43,546 Come now, we're both summer bachelors. Don't let's be naive. Come now, we're both summer bachelors. Don't let's be naive.
357 00:32:43,838 00:32:45,715 Good night, Mr. Kruhulik! Good night, Mr. Kruhulik!
358 00:32:46,716 00:32:50,386 Big, fat poodle! He's got four kids. Big, fat poodle! He's got four kids.
359 00:32:50,595 00:32:55,224 Something happens to people in the summer. It's disgraceful. Something happens to people in the summer. It's disgraceful.
360 00:32:55,558 00:33:00,396 It's late. Where is she? This is ridiculous. It's late. Where is she? This is ridiculous.
361 00:33:00,563 00:33:04,901 She could've been here, had her drink and gone home already. She could've been here, had her drink and gone home already.
362 00:33:05,109 00:33:07,111 Ice, we'll need ice. Ice, we'll need ice.
363 00:33:11,949 00:33:13,409 Coming! Coming!
364 00:33:25,922 00:33:27,382 Coming, coming! Coming, coming!
365 00:33:32,637 00:33:34,055 Hi! Hi!
366 00:33:34,555 00:33:36,766 It's me. Don't you remember? It's me. Don't you remember?
367 00:33:37,058 00:33:39,102 The tomato from upstairs. The tomato from upstairs.
368 00:33:39,310 00:33:42,605 Of course, the tomato. Come in, please. Of course, the tomato. Come in, please.
369 00:33:42,814 00:33:45,483 Honestly, I don't know how it happened. Honestly, I don't know how it happened.
370 00:33:45,775 00:33:49,821 I was watering the plants. I promised the Kaufmans I would. I was watering the plants. I promised the Kaufmans I would.
371 00:33:50,113 00:33:54,409 I was using the cocktail shaker. It's the only thing I found. I was using the cocktail shaker. It's the only thing I found.
372 00:33:54,617 00:33:59,414 A little silver one. Then there was this terrible crash. A little silver one. Then there was this terrible crash.
373 00:33:59,664 00:34:04,502 You could've been killed. It's probably criminal negligence. You could've been killed. It's probably criminal negligence.
374 00:34:04,794 00:34:07,964 You could've sued somebody. Me, probably. You could've sued somebody. Me, probably.
375 00:34:08,256 00:34:12,844 Well, not you. You'd have been dead. Your lawyers could have. Well, not you. You'd have been dead. Your lawyers could have.
376 00:34:13,136 00:34:16,472 Case dismissed. What would you like to drink? Case dismissed. What would you like to drink?
377 00:34:16,639 00:34:21,352 I don't know. Anything. You have a nice place here. I don't know. Anything. You have a nice place here.
378 00:34:21,644 00:34:25,982 - You live here alone? - Yes, I live here alone. All alone. - You live here alone? - Yes, I live here alone. All alone.
379 00:34:28,192 00:34:32,196 - It's a roller skate. Mine, you know. - Yours? - It's a roller skate. Mine, you know. - Yours?
380 00:34:32,488 00:34:37,535 It's adjustable. I skate a lot. What would you like to drink? It's adjustable. I skate a lot. What would you like to drink?
381 00:34:37,827 00:34:41,122 - You do drink? - Sure, I drink like a fish. - You do drink? - Sure, I drink like a fish.
382 00:34:41,330 00:34:45,460 - Do you have gin? - Of course. You mean straight gin? - Do you have gin? - Of course. You mean straight gin?
383 00:34:45,710 00:34:49,338 No, gin and soda, I guess. No, gin and soda, I guess.
384 00:34:49,547 00:34:54,552 - Gin and soda? - That's wrong. How do you drink gin? - Gin and soda? - That's wrong. How do you drink gin?
385 00:34:54,844 00:34:59,974 There's gin and tonic, and gin and vermouth, that's a martini. There's gin and tonic, and gin and vermouth, that's a martini.
386 00:35:00,183 00:35:05,188 That sounds cool. I'll have a glass of that. A big, tall one. That sounds cool. I'll have a glass of that. A big, tall one.
387 00:35:07,023 00:35:09,525 Big, tall martini. Big, tall martini.
388 00:35:22,747 00:35:26,167 This is a nicer apartment than the Kaufmans'. This is a nicer apartment than the Kaufmans'.
389 00:35:26,417 00:35:29,378 For instance, the Kaufmans have no stairs. For instance, the Kaufmans have no stairs.
390 00:35:30,087 00:35:33,841 - Hey, where do they lead to? - No place. - Hey, where do they lead to? - No place.
391 00:35:34,050 00:35:38,930 No place? A stairway to nowhere. That's elegant. No place? A stairway to nowhere. That's elegant.
392 00:35:39,222 00:35:43,893 I wouldn't say elegant. You see, this used to be a duplex. I wouldn't say elegant. You see, this used to be a duplex.
393 00:35:44,185 00:35:49,524 The landlord made two apartments out of it by boarding up your floor. The landlord made two apartments out of it by boarding up your floor.
394 00:35:50,358 00:35:54,028 Oh, yes, I remember that patch in the floor. Oh, yes, I remember that patch in the floor.
395 00:35:54,237 00:35:57,073 I dropped my cuticle pusher down the crack. I dropped my cuticle pusher down the crack.
396 00:35:57,365 00:35:59,575 Cuticle pusher. Yeah. Cuticle pusher. Yeah.
397 00:35:59,867 00:36:03,746 Well, here you are. Big, tall martini. Well, here you are. Big, tall martini.
398 00:36:04,038 00:36:07,250 - Thanks. - You're welcome. - Thanks. - You're welcome.
399 00:36:08,960 00:36:11,754 Very good. Maybe it needs a bit more sugar. Very good. Maybe it needs a bit more sugar.
400 00:36:11,963 00:36:15,758 I'd strongly advise against putting sugar in a martini. I'd strongly advise against putting sugar in a martini.
401 00:36:16,050 00:36:19,220 - You would? Why? - Well... - You would? Why? - Well...
402 00:36:19,637 00:36:23,266 Take my word for it. No sugar in a martini. Take my word for it. No sugar in a martini.
403 00:36:23,474 00:36:26,727 Back home they put sugar in martinis. Back home they put sugar in martinis.
404 00:36:26,936 00:36:31,107 - Back home? Where? - Denver, Colorado. - Back home? Where? - Denver, Colorado.
405 00:36:31,440 00:36:34,277 Hey, you've got air conditioning! Hey, you've got air conditioning!
406 00:36:35,278 00:36:38,322 - How does it work? Put it on. - Sure! - How does it work? Put it on. - Sure!
407 00:36:38,656 00:36:43,244 I got air conditioning in every room. Don't the Kaufmans? I got air conditioning in every room. Don't the Kaufmans?
408 00:36:43,452 00:36:48,958 No, it's just terrible up there. That's why I bought the electric fan. No, it's just terrible up there. That's why I bought the electric fan.
409 00:36:49,917 00:36:54,672 This feels just elegant. I'm just not made for the heat. This feels just elegant. I'm just not made for the heat.
410 00:36:54,964 00:36:58,634 It's my first summer in New York, and it's killing me. It's my first summer in New York, and it's killing me.
411 00:36:58,843 00:37:02,638 Yesterday, I tried to sleep in the bathtub. Yesterday, I tried to sleep in the bathtub.
412 00:37:02,847 00:37:05,600 Just lying up to my neck in cold water. Just lying up to my neck in cold water.
413 00:37:05,808 00:37:07,351 Good idea. Good idea.
414 00:37:07,643 00:37:12,273 But the faucet kept dripping. It was keeping me awake. But the faucet kept dripping. It was keeping me awake.
415 00:37:12,523 00:37:17,320 You know what I did? I pushed my big toe up the faucet. You know what I did? I pushed my big toe up the faucet.
416 00:37:17,987 00:37:20,156 They call that American know-how. They call that American know-how.
417 00:37:20,448 00:37:24,452 Then my toe got stuck and I couldn't get it out again. Then my toe got stuck and I couldn't get it out again.
418 00:37:24,660 00:37:25,828 You couldn't? You couldn't?
419 00:37:26,120 00:37:31,042 But there's a phone in the bathroom. I was able to call the plumber. But there's a phone in the bathroom. I was able to call the plumber.
420 00:37:31,334 00:37:32,460 You called him? You called him?
421 00:37:32,668 00:37:36,631 He was very nice, even though it was Sunday. He was very nice, even though it was Sunday.
422 00:37:36,839 00:37:39,967 He rushed right over. He rushed right over.
423 00:37:41,010 00:37:42,553 Everything come out okay? Everything come out okay?
424 00:37:42,845 00:37:47,683 - Sure. But it was embarrassing. - I can see how it might've been. - Sure. But it was embarrassing. - I can see how it might've been.
425 00:37:47,975 00:37:50,186 Honestly, I almost died. Honestly, I almost died.
426 00:37:50,394 00:37:53,314 There I was with a strange plumber... There I was with a strange plumber...
427 00:37:53,522 00:37:56,192 ...and no polish on my toenails. ...and no polish on my toenails.
428 00:38:03,074 00:38:07,203 - You got a cigarette around? - A cigarette? Sure. - You got a cigarette around? - A cigarette? Sure.
429 00:38:07,536 00:38:09,080 Coming UP- Coming UP-
430 00:38:26,430 00:38:30,226 - Here you are. - Are you afraid of burglars? - Here you are. - Are you afraid of burglars?
431 00:38:30,434 00:38:33,729 I'm just trying not to smoke. The theory is: I'm just trying not to smoke. The theory is:
432 00:38:34,063 00:38:38,734 If you don't see them, you don't think about them. If you don't see them, you don't think about them.
433 00:38:40,736 00:38:44,573 It's not 100% foolproof. It's only a theory. It's not 100% foolproof. It's only a theory.
434 00:38:44,865 00:38:49,787 All you do is spend half your life dragging ladders back and forth. All you do is spend half your life dragging ladders back and forth.
435 00:38:50,079 00:38:53,541 You could break a leg. It's just ridiculous. You could break a leg. It's just ridiculous.
436 00:38:53,749 00:38:57,253 At the club we had this girl who only smoked cigars. At the club we had this girl who only smoked cigars.
437 00:38:57,461 00:39:01,257 She only did it to make herself look older. She only did it to make herself look older.
438 00:39:04,093 00:39:07,596 - What club was that? - This club I lived at. - What club was that? - This club I lived at.
439 00:39:07,888 00:39:10,808 I hated it. You had to be in by 1 a.m. I hated it. You had to be in by 1 a.m.
440 00:39:11,100 00:39:13,769 Now I can stay out all night. Now I can stay out all night.
441 00:39:13,936 00:39:18,441 I was glad when they practically asked me to leave. I was glad when they practically asked me to leave.
442 00:39:18,774 00:39:22,111 - Why did they ask you to leave? - It was so silly. - Why did they ask you to leave? - It was so silly.
443 00:39:22,319 00:39:27,575 I posed for a picture in U. S. Camera and they got all upset. I posed for a picture in U. S. Camera and they got all upset.
444 00:39:27,783 00:39:29,827 What was wrong with the picture? What was wrong with the picture?
445 00:39:30,119 00:39:34,999 I was-- It was one of these artistic pictures. I was-- It was one of these artistic pictures.
446 00:39:36,834 00:39:39,128 On the beach, with driftwood. On the beach, with driftwood.
447 00:39:39,336 00:39:42,965 - It got honorable mention. - In U. S. Camera? - It got honorable mention. - In U. S. Camera?
448 00:39:43,132 00:39:47,428 It was called "Textures." You'd see three different kinds. It was called "Textures." You'd see three different kinds.
449 00:39:47,636 00:39:51,682 The driftwood, the sand and me. I got $25 an hour. The driftwood, the sand and me. I got $25 an hour.
450 00:39:51,974 00:39:56,520 - It took hours and hours. - Very interesting line of work. - It took hours and hours. - Very interesting line of work.
451 00:39:56,812 00:40:01,984 I don't do modeling any more. Now I'm on TV every other week. I don't do modeling any more. Now I'm on TV every other week.
452 00:40:02,276 00:40:05,321 - The Dazzledent Toothpaste Hour. - You're an actress? - The Dazzledent Toothpaste Hour. - You're an actress?
453 00:40:05,613 00:40:08,157 Sort of. I do the commercial part. Sort of. I do the commercial part.
454 00:40:08,365 00:40:12,203 It's a good part. They put gray makeup on my teeth... It's a good part. They put gray makeup on my teeth...
455 00:40:12,495 00:40:15,164 ...to show ordinary toothpaste. ...to show ordinary toothpaste.
456 00:40:15,372 00:40:19,001 Then they wipe it off to show how Dazzledent works. Then they wipe it off to show how Dazzledent works.
457 00:40:19,210 00:40:22,838 I sit like this for about 14 seconds... I sit like this for about 14 seconds...
458 00:40:23,047 00:40:25,633 ...and I get to speak lines too. ...and I get to speak lines too.
459 00:40:25,841 00:40:29,678 "I had onions at lunch, I had garlic dressing at dinner. "I had onions at lunch, I had garlic dressing at dinner.
460 00:40:29,845 00:40:33,724 But he'll never know. I stay kissing-sweet... But he'll never know. I stay kissing-sweet...
461 00:40:34,016 00:40:37,019 ...the new Dazzledent way." ...the new Dazzledent way."
462 00:40:39,313 00:40:42,149 - You do that beautifully. - Thank you. - You do that beautifully. - Thank you.
463 00:40:42,358 00:40:46,320 People don't realize, but when I show my teeth on People don't realize, but when I show my teeth on
464 00:40:46,529 00:40:48,739 ...I appear before more people... ...I appear before more people...
465 00:40:48,989 00:40:53,244 ...than Sarah Bernhardt ever did. Something to think about. ...than Sarah Bernhardt ever did. Something to think about.
466 00:40:53,536 00:40:55,538 It certainly is. It certainly is.
467 00:40:56,038 00:41:00,543 Wish I were old enough to have seen her. Was she magnificent? Wish I were old enough to have seen her. Was she magnificent?
468 00:41:02,878 00:41:06,006 I wouldn't know. I'm not that old myself. I wouldn't know. I'm not that old myself.
469 00:41:06,257 00:41:08,092 I guess you're not really. I guess you're not really.
470 00:41:08,384 00:41:11,846 I'm 39. I will be in August. At the moment I'm 38. I'm 39. I will be in August. At the moment I'm 38.
471 00:41:12,096 00:41:15,766 Thirty-eight? I was 22, day before yesterday. Thirty-eight? I was 22, day before yesterday.
472 00:41:16,016 00:41:19,520 I didn't do anything about it. I didn't tell anyone. I didn't do anything about it. I didn't tell anyone.
473 00:41:19,728 00:41:22,523 I did buy a bottle of champagne. I did buy a bottle of champagne.
474 00:41:22,731 00:41:25,776 I thought I'd sit there, drink it by myself. I thought I'd sit there, drink it by myself.
475 00:41:26,068 00:41:29,196 - That sounds absolutely sad. - Oh, no! - That sounds absolutely sad. - Oh, no!
476 00:41:29,405 00:41:34,201 It would've been just elegant, lying in a bath, drinking champagne. It would've been just elegant, lying in a bath, drinking champagne.
477 00:41:34,410 00:41:39,790 - But I couldn't get the bottle open. - You couldn't? There's nothing to it. - But I couldn't get the bottle open. - You couldn't? There's nothing to it.
478 00:41:40,291 00:41:42,793 You think you could get it open? You think you could get it open?
479 00:41:43,043 00:41:45,296 I'm pretty sure I could. I'm pretty sure I could.
480 00:41:45,546 00:41:48,465 I've got an idea. I'll go up and get it. I've got an idea. I'll go up and get it.
481 00:41:48,757 00:41:51,385 It's in the icebox with the potato chips and my underwear. It's in the icebox with the potato chips and my underwear.
482 00:41:51,594 00:41:54,221 - Do you have champagne glasses? - Yes. - Do you have champagne glasses? - Yes.
483 00:41:54,430 00:41:57,099 Good! We'll have a wonderful time. Good! We'll have a wonderful time.
484 00:41:57,308 00:42:00,436 The man says it's very good champagne. The man says it's very good champagne.
485 00:42:02,897 00:42:08,110 - Shall I bring the potato chips too? - Sure, let's shoot the works. - Shall I bring the potato chips too? - Sure, let's shoot the works.
486 00:42:11,655 00:42:15,492 Honorable mention in U.S. Camera. Honorable mention in U.S. Camera.
487 00:42:21,248 00:42:23,959 U. S. Camera. U. S. Camera.
488 00:42:30,591 00:42:35,304 "News Events. Children and Animals. The Human Body." "News Events. Children and Animals. The Human Body."
489 00:42:54,949 00:42:58,786 Champagne glasses. Champagne glasses. Champagne glasses. Champagne glasses.
490 00:43:22,309 00:43:24,853 Phone, phone. Where's the phone? Phone, phone. Where's the phone?
491 00:43:28,732 00:43:31,026 Hello? Who is it? Hello? Who is it?
492 00:43:31,318 00:43:34,571 Oh, Helen. Well, this is a surprise! Oh, Helen. Well, this is a surprise!
493 00:43:34,863 00:43:38,367 And a pleasant one. How are you? And a pleasant one. How are you?
494 00:43:38,659 00:43:42,162 Sure, I'm all right. Why shouldn't I be all right? Sure, I'm all right. Why shouldn't I be all right?
495 00:43:42,371 00:43:46,500 In what way do I sound funny? Everything is just fine. In what way do I sound funny? Everything is just fine.
496 00:43:46,709 00:43:50,838 What's your problem? Did I know Ricky forgot his paddle? What's your problem? Did I know Ricky forgot his paddle?
497 00:43:51,088 00:43:55,384 I've been dragging that thing all over New York. Sure, I will. I've been dragging that thing all over New York. Sure, I will.
498 00:43:55,676 00:43:59,388 I'll send it off first thing. Good night. I'll send it off first thing. Good night.
499 00:43:59,680 00:44:04,184 Who? Who dropped in after dinner? Tom MacKenzie? Who? Who dropped in after dinner? Tom MacKenzie?
500 00:44:04,435 00:44:07,187 Good old Tom. How is he? Good old Tom. How is he?
501 00:44:07,604 00:44:12,234 Drinking? Who, me? Whatever gave you that idea? Drinking? Who, me? Whatever gave you that idea?
502 00:44:12,526 00:44:16,572 I was sitting here reading a book about driftwood. I was sitting here reading a book about driftwood.
503 00:44:16,864 00:44:21,452 We may publish it. It's interesting. Some of the formations are-- We may publish it. It's interesting. Some of the formations are--
504 00:44:23,370 00:44:27,750 I'd better hang up. The bathtub is running over. I'd better hang up. The bathtub is running over.
505 00:44:28,042 00:44:30,753 Good night. Night! Good night. Night!
506 00:44:34,381 00:44:39,720 Sorry, I was on the phone. A friend of mine in the country-- Sorry, I was on the phone. A friend of mine in the country--
507 00:44:39,928 00:44:42,765 Oh, say! Oh, say!
508 00:44:43,098 00:44:45,768 It isn't right to drink champagne in pants. It isn't right to drink champagne in pants.
509 00:44:46,060 00:44:48,645 Would you mind fastening my straps? Would you mind fastening my straps?
510 00:44:48,979 00:44:52,232 Oh, sure. Sure. Oh, sure. Sure.
511 00:44:53,233 00:44:58,280 Potato chips, champagne. You really think you can get it open? Potato chips, champagne. You really think you can get it open?
512 00:44:58,822 00:45:04,119 Oh, yeah. I've opened one or two before in my life. Oh, yeah. I've opened one or two before in my life.
513 00:45:04,286 00:45:08,457 It's simply a matter of pressure and counter-pressure. It's simply a matter of pressure and counter-pressure.
514 00:45:08,749 00:45:12,169 - There she goes. - You've sure got powerful thumbs. - There she goes. - You've sure got powerful thumbs.
515 00:45:12,461 00:45:16,465 I used to play a lot of badminton. Get the glasses. I used to play a lot of badminton. Get the glasses.
516 00:45:17,633 00:45:19,301 Quick, quick! The glasses! Quick, quick! The glasses!
517 00:45:22,262 00:45:24,765 - Pour it. - Seems to be stuck. - Pour it. - Seems to be stuck.
518 00:45:24,973 00:45:27,684 That's silly. Give it a good yank. That's silly. Give it a good yank.
519 00:45:29,645 00:45:31,355 This never happened before. This never happened before.
520 00:45:31,647 00:45:35,275 It must be the vacuum. The bubbles create a vacuum. It must be the vacuum. The bubbles create a vacuum.
521 00:45:35,484 00:45:37,486 Let me see if I can do it. Let me see if I can do it.
522 00:45:40,447 00:45:42,282 I'll try to twist it. I'll try to twist it.
523 00:45:45,202 00:45:48,622 - You're married! - I am? Yes, lam. - You're married! - I am? Yes, lam.
524 00:45:48,831 00:45:52,668 I knew it. I could tell. You look married. I knew it. I could tell. You look married.
525 00:45:54,545 00:45:57,965 Actually, my wife and I are separated. Actually, my wife and I are separated.
526 00:45:58,340 00:46:02,219 Separated in the sense that she went away for the summer. Separated in the sense that she went away for the summer.
527 00:46:02,511 00:46:06,849 - Any children? - No. Well, just one very little one. - Any children? - No. Well, just one very little one.
528 00:46:07,141 00:46:09,643 It's cold in there. Finger's getting numb. It's cold in there. Finger's getting numb.
529 00:46:09,852 00:46:12,855 I could call the plumber. He's very good at this. I could call the plumber. He's very good at this.
530 00:46:13,147 00:46:15,858 No, let's keep the plumber out of it. No, let's keep the plumber out of it.
531 00:46:16,066 00:46:18,402 Grab hold of the piano. Grab hold of the piano.
532 00:46:19,194 00:46:22,072 Careful, I had my appendix out last year. Careful, I had my appendix out last year.
533 00:46:26,326 00:46:28,871 - Are you all right? - Fine. - Are you all right? - Fine.
534 00:46:31,206 00:46:34,918 Do you wanna waste it now that you know I'm married? Do you wanna waste it now that you know I'm married?
535 00:46:35,210 00:46:39,882 I think it's wonderful that you're married. Just elegant. I think it's wonderful that you're married. Just elegant.
536 00:46:40,090 00:46:41,675 - You do? - Of course. - You do? - Of course.
537 00:46:41,925 00:46:47,264 I wouldn't be lying on the floor with some man if he wasn't married. I wouldn't be lying on the floor with some man if he wasn't married.
538 00:46:47,514 00:46:50,058 That's an interesting line of reasoning. That's an interesting line of reasoning.
539 00:46:50,350 00:46:53,061 With a married man it's so simple. With a married man it's so simple.
540 00:46:53,353 00:46:56,773 I mean, it can't possibly ever get drastic. I mean, it can't possibly ever get drastic.
541 00:47:02,946 00:47:08,410 - Have a potato chip. - In what sense can't it get drastic? - Have a potato chip. - In what sense can't it get drastic?
542 00:47:08,619 00:47:13,081 - People keep falling in love with me. - I can believe it. - People keep falling in love with me. - I can believe it.
543 00:47:13,373 00:47:18,378 - They get this strange idea. - I believe that too. - They get this strange idea. - I believe that too.
544 00:47:18,629 00:47:20,631 They ask me to marry them. They ask me to marry them.
545 00:47:20,881 00:47:24,259 All the time. I don't know why they do it. All the time. I don't know why they do it.
546 00:47:24,551 00:47:28,639 - Maybe it's a kind of nervousness. - Maybe. - Maybe it's a kind of nervousness. - Maybe.
547 00:47:28,931 00:47:32,309 I don't wanna get married. Not yet, anyway. I don't wanna get married. Not yet, anyway.
548 00:47:33,268 00:47:36,605 That'd be worse than living at the club. That'd be worse than living at the club.
549 00:47:36,813 00:47:38,941 I'd have to get in by 1 again. I'd have to get in by 1 again.
550 00:47:39,274 00:47:42,402 Very true, you would. At least occasionally. Very true, you would. At least occasionally.
551 00:47:42,611 00:47:45,739 That's what's wonderful about a married man. That's what's wonderful about a married man.
552 00:47:45,989 00:47:49,117 No matter what, he can't ask you to marry him. No matter what, he can't ask you to marry him.
553 00:47:49,326 00:47:52,621 - He's married already. Right? - Right. - He's married already. Right? - Right.
554 00:47:56,416 00:48:01,964 You certainly don't have to worry about me. Am I ever a married man! You certainly don't have to worry about me. Am I ever a married man!
555 00:48:02,256 00:48:06,677 I'm the most married man you'll ever know. And I promise... I'm the most married man you'll ever know. And I promise...
556 00:48:06,927 00:48:12,307 ...I will never ask you to marry me, come what may. ...I will never ask you to marry me, come what may.
557 00:48:13,433 00:48:16,353 - Well, how about some music? - Fine. - Well, how about some music? - Fine.
558 00:48:16,645 00:48:20,482 Let's see what we've got here. Let's see what we've got here.
559 00:48:20,774 00:48:25,028 Debussy, Ravel, Stravinsky. Debussy, Ravel, Stravinsky.
560 00:48:25,320 00:48:27,155 Hey, how about this one? Hey, how about this one?
561 00:48:27,447 00:48:30,701 Rachmaninoff, the Second Piano Concerto. Rachmaninoff, the Second Piano Concerto.
562 00:48:30,993 00:48:34,663 You look to me like a big Rachmaninoff girl. You look to me like a big Rachmaninoff girl.
563 00:48:34,871 00:48:38,792 I do? Funny, I don't know anything about music. I do? Funny, I don't know anything about music.
564 00:48:39,001 00:48:44,172 You don't have to. Just listen to it, that's all. You don't have to. Just listen to it, that's all.
565 00:48:53,056 00:48:58,186 This is classical music, isn't it? I can tell. There's no vocal. This is classical music, isn't it? I can tell. There's no vocal.
566 00:49:01,815 00:49:03,317 Don't talk. Don't talk.
567 00:49:04,318 00:49:06,028 Don't fight it. Don't fight it.
568 00:49:06,194 00:49:09,531 Relax. Go limp. Relax. Go limp.
569 00:49:10,407 00:49:13,160 - Like this? - Yes. - Like this? - Yes.
570 00:49:13,368 00:49:16,038 Let it sweep over you. Let it sweep over you.
571 00:49:26,381 00:49:29,760 I got the biggest thing for Eddie Fisher. I got the biggest thing for Eddie Fisher.
572 00:49:33,722 00:49:37,851 Frequently, people go to pieces listening to this. Frequently, people go to pieces listening to this.
573 00:49:38,101 00:49:40,520 - No kidding? - Yes. - No kidding? - Yes.
574 00:49:40,937 00:49:45,067 It quakes them. It shakes them. It quakes them. It shakes them.
575 00:49:45,359 00:49:49,404 Makes them goose-pimply all over. Makes them goose-pimply all over.
576 00:49:49,905 00:49:52,741 Did you ever dunk a potato chip in champagne? Did you ever dunk a potato chip in champagne?
577 00:49:52,949 00:49:57,412 It's real crazy. Here. It's real crazy. Here.
578 00:49:57,704 00:50:02,292 - Isn't that crazy? - Yeah, pretty crazy. - Isn't that crazy? - Yeah, pretty crazy.
579 00:50:02,542 00:50:07,589 We'd better send Rachmaninoff off. This wasn't such a good idea. We'd better send Rachmaninoff off. This wasn't such a good idea.
580 00:50:07,881 00:50:10,926 Don't worry, everything's fine. Don't worry, everything's fine.
581 00:50:11,218 00:50:14,054 A married man, air conditioning... A married man, air conditioning...
582 00:50:14,262 00:50:18,892 ...champagne and potato chips. It's a wonderful party. ...champagne and potato chips. It's a wonderful party.
583 00:50:19,101 00:50:23,313 Hey! Look, you've got U.S. Camera! Hey! Look, you've got U.S. Camera!
584 00:50:23,605 00:50:26,733 I do? How about that! I do? How about that!
585 00:50:27,275 00:50:28,985 I've got U. S. Camera. I've got U. S. Camera.
586 00:50:29,277 00:50:34,616 I bought a dozen copies of this but people kept stealing them. I bought a dozen copies of this but people kept stealing them.
587 00:50:34,825 00:50:36,952 Why would they do that? Why would they do that?
588 00:50:37,786 00:50:40,747 That's me, right there on the beach. That's me, right there on the beach.
589 00:50:41,456 00:50:45,252 My hair was a little longer then. Did you notice? My hair was a little longer then. Did you notice?
590 00:50:45,460 00:50:49,172 No, I didn't. Let me ask you something. No, I didn't. Let me ask you something.
591 00:50:49,464 00:50:53,427 When they took this, there must've been some passersby. When they took this, there must've been some passersby.
592 00:50:53,635 00:50:57,472 Other people around. How did they keep the crowd back? Other people around. How did they keep the crowd back?
593 00:50:57,639 00:51:01,810 It was taken early in the morning. Nobody was up. It was taken early in the morning. Nobody was up.
594 00:51:01,977 00:51:06,982 - Except-- You see that shadow? - Is it a sea gull? - Except-- You see that shadow? - Is it a sea gull?
595 00:51:07,274 00:51:11,445 No, a coast guard helicopter. He kept buzzing the beach. No, a coast guard helicopter. He kept buzzing the beach.
596 00:51:11,653 00:51:15,323 Maybe you'd like me to autograph this before I leave. Maybe you'd like me to autograph this before I leave.
597 00:51:15,615 00:51:18,160 You're not leaving yet, are you? You're not leaving yet, are you?
598 00:51:18,452 00:51:21,621 - How about more champagne? - Love some. - How about more champagne? - Love some.
599 00:51:24,207 00:51:26,168 Just freshen it. Just freshen it.
600 00:51:28,879 00:51:30,797 Oh, I'm awfully sorry. Oh, I'm awfully sorry.
601 00:51:31,006 00:51:32,466 Here. Here.
602 00:51:35,719 00:51:39,347 We should have some music. Do you play the piano? We should have some music. Do you play the piano?
603 00:51:39,639 00:51:44,352 Not really. Not any more. I used to. Just a little as a child. Not really. Not any more. I used to. Just a little as a child.
604 00:51:44,519 00:51:48,690 - Go ahead, play something. - Well, all right. - Go ahead, play something. - Well, all right.
605 00:51:52,319 00:51:56,323 Let's see if I remember this. It's a little tricky. Let's see if I remember this. It's a little tricky.
606 00:52:16,384 00:52:20,555 "Chopsticks"! I can play that too. Shove over. "Chopsticks"! I can play that too. Shove over.
607 00:52:42,869 00:52:47,624 I don't know about that Rachmaninoff, but this really gets me. I don't know about that Rachmaninoff, but this really gets me.
608 00:52:47,916 00:52:50,252 - It does? - And how. - It does? - And how.
609 00:52:59,261 00:53:03,390 - I can feel the goose pimples. - Goose pimples? - I can feel the goose pimples. - Goose pimples?
610 00:53:08,603 00:53:10,438 Don't stop. Don't stop.
611 00:53:11,106 00:53:12,482 Don't stop. Don't stop.
612 00:53:13,733 00:53:17,153 - Why do you stop? - You know why. - Why do you stop? - You know why.
613 00:53:17,404 00:53:22,659 Because now I'm going to take you in my arms and kiss you... Because now I'm going to take you in my arms and kiss you...
614 00:53:22,951 00:53:25,745 ...very quickly and very hard. ...very quickly and very hard.
615 00:53:25,954 00:53:27,956 Hey, wait a minute! Hey, wait a minute!
616 00:53:33,962 00:53:38,174 - What happened? I lost track. - I don't know. - What happened? I lost track. - I don't know.
617 00:53:38,466 00:53:41,636 This is terrible. There's nothing I can say. This is terrible. There's nothing I can say.
618 00:53:41,928 00:53:45,140 Except that I'm terribly sorry. Except that I'm terribly sorry.
619 00:53:45,348 00:53:47,976 Nothing like this ever happened to me before. Nothing like this ever happened to me before.
620 00:53:48,310 00:53:51,688 This happens to me all the time. This happens to me all the time.
621 00:53:52,147 00:53:53,607 This is unforgivable. This is unforgivable.
622 00:53:53,815 00:53:58,028 The only possible excuse is that I'm not quite myself tonight. The only possible excuse is that I'm not quite myself tonight.
623 00:53:58,320 00:54:01,865 Maybe it'd be better if you would just go. Maybe it'd be better if you would just go.
624 00:54:02,157 00:54:07,495 - Why? You're being silly. - Please go. I must insist. - Why? You're being silly. - Please go. I must insist.
625 00:54:10,290 00:54:12,792 Take your potato chips and go. Take your potato chips and go.
626 00:54:14,961 00:54:18,173 All right, if you really want me to. All right, if you really want me to.
627 00:54:22,344 00:54:24,471 - Good night. - Good night. - Good night. - Good night.
628 00:54:27,140 00:54:29,309 I think you're very nice. I think you're very nice.
629 00:54:34,814 00:54:39,027 Nice! You're not nice. You're crazy, that's what you are. Nice! You're not nice. You're crazy, that's what you are.
630 00:54:39,319 00:54:43,657 Helen's gone for one day and you're running amuck. Helen's gone for one day and you're running amuck.
631 00:54:43,865 00:54:49,371 Smoking, drinking, picking up girls, playing "Chopsticks." Smoking, drinking, picking up girls, playing "Chopsticks."
632 00:54:51,331 00:54:56,044 You're not gonna live through this summer. Not like this. You're not gonna live through this summer. Not like this.
633 00:55:01,049 00:55:02,926 Look at those bloodshot eyes. Look at those bloodshot eyes.
634 00:55:03,218 00:55:06,846 Look at that face, ravaged, dissipated, evil. Look at that face, ravaged, dissipated, evil.
635 00:55:07,138 00:55:10,517 One morning you'll look in the mirror and that's all. One morning you'll look in the mirror and that's all.
636 00:55:10,725 00:55:13,228 The Portrait of Dorian Gray. The Portrait of Dorian Gray.
637 00:55:35,417 00:55:39,754 - Good morning, Mr. Sherman. - Good morning, Miss Morris. - Good morning, Mr. Sherman. - Good morning, Miss Morris.
638 00:55:41,339 00:55:44,843 - Mr. Brady get in yet? - Yes, he came in early. - Mr. Brady get in yet? - Yes, he came in early.
639 00:55:45,093 00:55:49,264 - I wanna see him. Put this on my desk. - Of course. - I wanna see him. Put this on my desk. - Of course.
640 00:55:49,431 00:55:52,600 Would you like me to get coffee and a doughnut? Would you like me to get coffee and a doughnut?
641 00:55:52,892 00:55:53,935 No, thank you. No, thank you.
642 00:55:54,185 00:55:57,439 Have you had breakfast, with the family away? Have you had breakfast, with the family away?
643 00:55:57,731 00:56:00,859 I'm capable of fixing my own breakfast. I'm capable of fixing my own breakfast.
644 00:56:01,109 00:56:05,780 I had a peanut butter sandwich and two whiskey sours. I had a peanut butter sandwich and two whiskey sours.
645 00:56:11,119 00:56:14,456 - Mr. Brady. - Oh, Sherman, come in. - Mr. Brady. - Oh, Sherman, come in.
646 00:56:16,541 00:56:17,792 Well, what is it? Well, what is it?
647 00:56:18,084 00:56:23,465 I've been with this company for years, and I've never asked for a favor. I've been with this company for years, and I've never asked for a favor.
648 00:56:23,798 00:56:27,469 - You had a raise in February. - I'm not talking about that. - You had a raise in February. - I'm not talking about that.
649 00:56:27,719 00:56:29,804 This is more important than money. This is more important than money.
650 00:56:30,096 00:56:34,976 I want two weeks off to join my wife and son in the country. I want two weeks off to join my wife and son in the country.
651 00:56:35,226 00:56:39,898 This is our busy season. We're preparing our fall list. This is our busy season. We're preparing our fall list.
652 00:56:40,148 00:56:41,816 I'm very tense and upset. I'm very tense and upset.
653 00:56:42,108 00:56:46,946 I'm on the verge of a breakdown. If I could get back with my wife-- I'm on the verge of a breakdown. If I could get back with my wife--
654 00:56:47,155 00:56:50,158 - How long have you been married? - Seven years. - How long have you been married? - Seven years.
655 00:56:50,450 00:56:54,996 In a few years, you'll be delighted to get rid of them for the summer. In a few years, you'll be delighted to get rid of them for the summer.
656 00:56:55,246 00:56:59,667 Shipped them to Nantucket yesterday afternoon... Shipped them to Nantucket yesterday afternoon...
657 00:56:59,918 00:57:02,629 ...and I haven't been to bed since. ...and I haven't been to bed since.
658 00:57:05,131 00:57:10,345 Drank bourbon, smoked cigars, played poker till this morning. Drank bourbon, smoked cigars, played poker till this morning.
659 00:57:10,678 00:57:13,848 Came to the office. Never felt better in my life. Came to the office. Never felt better in my life.
660 00:57:14,140 00:57:20,188 I may not go to bed at all till the family gets back in September. I may not go to bed at all till the family gets back in September.
661 00:57:20,688 00:57:22,482 If I stay in New York alone... If I stay in New York alone...
662 00:57:22,690 00:57:26,611 ...there's a chance I may not live to see September. ...there's a chance I may not live to see September.
663 00:57:26,861 00:57:31,199 That's ridiculous, Sherman. You're just a little lonely. That's ridiculous, Sherman. You're just a little lonely.
664 00:57:31,533 00:57:35,829 What about us teaming up tonight, seeing if we can get lucky? What about us teaming up tonight, seeing if we can get lucky?
665 00:57:36,037 00:57:38,540 It doesn't have to be just poker. It doesn't have to be just poker.
666 00:57:38,873 00:57:42,377 We'll cut loose and have us a real hootenanny. We'll cut loose and have us a real hootenanny.
667 00:57:42,710 00:57:47,882 It's very kind of you, but I don't think-- No hootenannies. It's very kind of you, but I don't think-- No hootenannies.
668 00:57:48,174 00:57:53,388 Suit yourself, but I've been thinking about that fall list. Suit yourself, but I've been thinking about that fall list.
669 00:57:53,638 00:57:57,475 What would you think of a 25-cent reprint... What would you think of a 25-cent reprint...
670 00:57:57,725 00:58:01,896 -. . .of The Portrait of Dorian Gray? - Dorian Gray? -. . .of The Portrait of Dorian Gray? - Dorian Gray?
671 00:58:02,147 00:58:06,401 Look what we'll be giving them for a quarter! Look what we'll be giving them for a quarter!
672 00:58:06,651 00:58:10,530 Vice, lust and corruption. The story of a young man: Vice, lust and corruption. The story of a young man:
673 00:58:10,738 00:58:14,576 On the surface, clear-eyed and healthy, just like you. On the surface, clear-eyed and healthy, just like you.
674 00:58:14,868 00:58:17,662 But underneath, dry rot. But underneath, dry rot.
675 00:58:17,912 00:58:23,209 The termites of sin and depravity, gnawing at his soul. The termites of sin and depravity, gnawing at his soul.
676 00:58:23,501 00:58:25,753 How does that strike you? How does that strike you?
677 00:58:26,254 00:58:29,549 No, no. No. No, no. No.
678 00:58:30,925 00:58:32,177 Chapter six: Chapter six:
679 00:58:32,385 00:58:36,598 "The Infidelity Pattern in the Married Male... "The Infidelity Pattern in the Married Male...
680 00:58:36,890 00:58:38,558 ...or the 'seven-year itch.' ...or the 'seven-year itch.'
681 00:58:38,766 00:58:43,438 A study of 18,000 marriages conducted by myself... A study of 18,000 marriages conducted by myself...
682 00:58:43,688 00:58:47,775 ...leads us to believe that the 'urge curve' in the husband... ...leads us to believe that the 'urge curve' in the husband...
683 00:58:48,026 00:58:51,029 ...rises sharply during the seventh year. ...rises sharply during the seventh year.
684 00:58:51,279 00:58:54,449 This phenomenon is humorously... This phenomenon is humorously...
685 00:58:54,782 00:58:57,785 ...referred to as the seven-year itch. ...referred to as the seven-year itch.
686 00:58:58,244 00:59:01,581 Far from humorous, this unfortunate urge... Far from humorous, this unfortunate urge...
687 00:59:01,789 00:59:06,294 ...strikes 84.6% of the married male population... ...strikes 84.6% of the married male population...
688 00:59:06,544 00:59:11,382 ...rising to an alarming 91.8% during the summer months." ...rising to an alarming 91.8% during the summer months."
689 00:59:20,975 00:59:22,810 Changed my mind. Changed my mind.
690 00:59:32,570 00:59:37,659 "Case history A: Gustaf Meyerheim, the mad lover of Leipzig. "Case history A: Gustaf Meyerheim, the mad lover of Leipzig.
691 00:59:40,495 00:59:45,166 An extreme, but not unusual case of the seven-year itch... An extreme, but not unusual case of the seven-year itch...
692 00:59:45,333 00:59:48,503 ...occurred in Leipzig, Germany in 1912. ...occurred in Leipzig, Germany in 1912.
693 00:59:48,670 00:59:52,840 Gustaf Meyerheim, happily married for seven years... Gustaf Meyerheim, happily married for seven years...
694 00:59:53,091 00:59:56,010 ...suddenly--" Seven years! ...suddenly--" Seven years!
695 01:00:01,808 01:00:06,479 - Dr. Brubaker to see Mr. Sherman. - Doctor, you're early. - Dr. Brubaker to see Mr. Sherman. - Doctor, you're early.
696 01:00:06,771 01:00:10,692 Yes, my 3:00 patient jumped out of the window. Yes, my 3:00 patient jumped out of the window.
697 01:00:10,984 01:00:13,820 So I'm ahead of schedule. Which door? So I'm ahead of schedule. Which door?
698 01:00:14,112 01:00:15,905 This one. This one.
699 01:00:19,200 01:00:22,829 - Good afternoon, Mr. Sherman. - Dr. Brubaker. - Good afternoon, Mr. Sherman. - Dr. Brubaker.
700 01:00:23,037 01:00:26,207 I see you've been working on my book. I see you've been working on my book.
701 01:00:26,416 01:00:29,711 It's a wonderful book. Very important. It's a wonderful book. Very important.
702 01:00:29,877 01:00:32,255 - It has something for everyone. - Yes. - It has something for everyone. - Yes.
703 01:00:32,547 01:00:37,218 You'll be happy to know that we're giving it a big promotion. You'll be happy to know that we're giving it a big promotion.
704 01:00:37,510 01:00:41,681 You'll be seeing this in every drugstore in America. You'll be seeing this in every drugstore in America.
705 01:00:41,931 01:00:46,060 -"Of Sex and Violence"? - We had to soup up the title. -"Of Sex and Violence"? - We had to soup up the title.
706 01:00:46,352 01:00:48,730 What does this represent? What does this represent?
707 01:00:49,022 01:00:52,734 Gustaf Meyerheim, the mad lover of Leipzig... Gustaf Meyerheim, the mad lover of Leipzig...
708 01:00:52,942 01:00:56,404 ...terrorizing one of his victims. Isn't that sensational? ...terrorizing one of his victims. Isn't that sensational?
709 01:00:56,696 01:01:01,451 May I remind you that Meyerheim was small, with a red beard? May I remind you that Meyerheim was small, with a red beard?
710 01:01:01,743 01:01:03,411 Nobody knows that. Nobody knows that.
711 01:01:03,703 01:01:05,413 They know it in Leipzig. They know it in Leipzig.
712 01:01:05,621 01:01:09,292 And all his victims were middle-aged women. And all his victims were middle-aged women.
713 01:01:09,584 01:01:12,962 Don't you think it'd be more effective... Don't you think it'd be more effective...
714 01:01:13,254 01:01:16,883 ...to show a man terrorizing a young girl, sales-wise? ...to show a man terrorizing a young girl, sales-wise?
715 01:01:17,091 01:01:21,596 I'm not a salesman. I'm a doctor. I heal sick minds. I'm not a salesman. I'm a doctor. I heal sick minds.
716 01:01:21,804 01:01:27,268 I find ways to root out insecurities, neuroses, inner tensions... I find ways to root out insecurities, neuroses, inner tensions...
717 01:01:28,478 01:01:32,273 - What is it? What are you looking at? - Nothing. - What is it? What are you looking at? - Nothing.
718 01:01:34,317 01:01:39,447 - Does that mean something, doctor? - No, nothing serious. - Does that mean something, doctor? - No, nothing serious.
719 01:01:39,655 01:01:44,243 - Dark clouds on the psychic horizon. - That's preposterous. - Dark clouds on the psychic horizon. - That's preposterous.
720 01:01:44,452 01:01:47,955 A twitch in a thumb, a nerve or a muscle. A twitch in a thumb, a nerve or a muscle.
721 01:01:48,247 01:01:53,419 You psychiatrists make a case out of it. Of all the ridiculous... You psychiatrists make a case out of it. Of all the ridiculous...
722 01:01:53,628 01:01:56,339 - Are you very expensive? - Very. - Are you very expensive? - Very.
723 01:01:56,631 01:01:59,342 - I'm sure you make exceptions. - Never. - I'm sure you make exceptions. - Never.
724 01:01:59,634 01:02:02,303 If a case really interests you? If a case really interests you?
725 01:02:02,470 01:02:05,473 At $50 an hour, all my cases interest me. At $50 an hour, all my cases interest me.
726 01:02:05,640 01:02:10,436 If you run into something spectacular, another Gustaf Meyerheim-- If you run into something spectacular, another Gustaf Meyerheim--
727 01:02:10,686 01:02:14,023 You wouldn't believe this, but last night... You wouldn't believe this, but last night...
728 01:02:14,315 01:02:19,487 ...I found myself terrorizing a young lady. ...I found myself terrorizing a young lady.
729 01:02:19,695 01:02:22,532 That could account for the thumb. That could account for the thumb.
730 01:02:22,824 01:02:27,370 Actually, it wasn't that bad. I just made a little boo-boo. Actually, it wasn't that bad. I just made a little boo-boo.
731 01:02:27,620 01:02:31,165 Psychoanalysis doesn't recognize the boo-boo as such. Psychoanalysis doesn't recognize the boo-boo as such.
732 01:02:31,499 01:02:33,709 Everything is unconscious. Everything is unconscious.
733 01:02:33,960 01:02:36,003 I was completely conscious. I was completely conscious.
734 01:02:36,212 01:02:39,715 I told her to take her potato chips and go. I told her to take her potato chips and go.
735 01:02:40,007 01:02:43,970 - Potato chips. If you please... - All right, doctor. - Potato chips. If you please... - All right, doctor.
736 01:02:47,473 01:02:50,309 I'm in serious trouble. I'm married. I'm in serious trouble. I'm married.
737 01:02:50,977 01:02:54,856 "Serious trouble. Married." So far, normal. "Serious trouble. Married." So far, normal.
738 01:02:55,106 01:02:57,358 I've been married for seven years. I've been married for seven years.
739 01:02:57,650 01:03:01,696 I'm coming down with what you call the seven-year itch. I'm coming down with what you call the seven-year itch.
740 01:03:01,946 01:03:06,659 - What am I going to do? - If something itches, scratch. - What am I going to do? - If something itches, scratch.
741 01:03:06,868 01:03:11,122 I scratched. There was this lady. Everything went black. I scratched. There was this lady. Everything went black.
742 01:03:11,372 01:03:14,876 I terrorized her, I attempted to terrorize her. I terrorized her, I attempted to terrorize her.
743 01:03:15,168 01:03:17,545 The attempt was unsuccessful? The attempt was unsuccessful?
744 01:03:17,795 01:03:22,967 Definitely. All I did was knock us both off the piano bench. Definitely. All I did was knock us both off the piano bench.
745 01:03:23,217 01:03:26,345 Let me understand. You attempted to terrorize... Let me understand. You attempted to terrorize...
746 01:03:26,554 01:03:29,515 ...a young lady on a piano bench? ...a young lady on a piano bench?
747 01:03:30,391 01:03:31,726 Yes. Yes.
748 01:03:32,435 01:03:36,522 And on whose person was this attempt committed? And on whose person was this attempt committed?
749 01:03:37,106 01:03:40,693 Here, doctor. I brought this with me. Here, doctor. I brought this with me.
750 01:03:40,902 01:03:44,447 I didn't wanna leave it lying around the house. I didn't wanna leave it lying around the house.
751 01:03:44,906 01:03:46,866 That's her. That's her.
752 01:03:47,074 01:03:49,952 Her hair was a little longer then. Her hair was a little longer then.
753 01:03:54,457 01:03:59,712 It's called "Textures" because you can see three different textures. It's called "Textures" because you can see three different textures.
754 01:03:59,921 01:04:01,380 It got honorable mention. It got honorable mention.
755 01:04:01,589 01:04:05,551 Splendid. I congratulate you on your good taste. Splendid. I congratulate you on your good taste.
756 01:04:05,760 01:04:08,888 Interesting driftwood formation too. Interesting driftwood formation too.
757 01:04:09,096 01:04:13,267 I'll give you my advice. Do not attempt it again. I'll give you my advice. Do not attempt it again.
758 01:04:13,601 01:04:16,979 But if you should, give yourself room to work in. But if you should, give yourself room to work in.
759 01:04:17,230 01:04:21,108 Do not attempt it balanced on a piano bench. Do not attempt it balanced on a piano bench.
760 01:04:21,275 01:04:23,110 Such an attempt is doomed. Such an attempt is doomed.
761 01:04:23,277 01:04:26,739 - I love my wife. - Don't we all? Your time is up. - I love my wife. - Don't we all? Your time is up.
762 01:04:26,948 01:04:32,161 If you find yourself in need of further analysis, phone my office. If you find yourself in need of further analysis, phone my office.
763 01:04:32,453 01:04:37,124 As for my book, we'll resume discussion as your...has subsided. As for my book, we'll resume discussion as your...has subsided.
764 01:04:37,416 01:04:42,672 If she tells anybody about this, I'll kill her with my bare hands. If she tells anybody about this, I'll kill her with my bare hands.
765 01:04:42,964 01:04:44,465 A possible solution. A possible solution.
766 01:04:44,674 01:04:48,928 But murder is the most difficult crime to commit. But murder is the most difficult crime to commit.
767 01:04:49,136 01:04:52,306 Until you can commit a simple act of terror... Until you can commit a simple act of terror...
768 01:04:52,473 01:04:57,311 ...I strongly advise you to avoid anything so complex. ...I strongly advise you to avoid anything so complex.
769 01:04:57,645 01:05:01,774 One must learn to walk before one can run. Goodbye. One must learn to walk before one can run. Goodbye.
770 01:05:08,948 01:05:10,950 I'm in big trouble. I'm in big trouble.
771 01:05:11,951 01:05:14,870 Girls like this can't keep their mouths shut. Girls like this can't keep their mouths shut.
772 01:05:15,162 01:05:17,790 This'll be all over New York. This'll be all over New York.
773 01:05:17,999 01:05:22,670 I bet right this minute she's telling someone about it. I bet right this minute she's telling someone about it.
774 01:05:23,045 01:05:28,175 He lured me in his apartment. He made me sit on his piano bench. He lured me in his apartment. He made me sit on his piano bench.
775 01:05:28,384 01:05:32,346 He made me play "Chopsticks." Then he turned on me. He made me play "Chopsticks." Then he turned on me.
776 01:05:32,555 01:05:35,182 He was frothing at the mouth... He was frothing at the mouth...
777 01:05:36,183 01:05:40,062 ...just like the creature from the Black Lagoon! ...just like the creature from the Black Lagoon!
778 01:05:41,355 01:05:43,524 I knew it. I knew it! I knew it. I knew it!
779 01:05:43,733 01:05:48,529 That's how these stories get started. Big blabbermouth. That's how these stories get started. Big blabbermouth.
780 01:05:48,738 01:05:51,532 Then he lured her into his apartment... Then he lured her into his apartment...
781 01:05:51,741 01:05:56,746 ...pretended he wasn't married. He forced her onto the piano bench. ...pretended he wasn't married. He forced her onto the piano bench.
782 01:05:57,038 01:06:01,667 I know him very well. He was in here for dinner, 260 calories. I know him very well. He was in here for dinner, 260 calories.
783 01:06:01,876 01:06:05,046 He forced her to sit on the piano bench... He forced her to sit on the piano bench...
784 01:06:05,338 01:06:09,008 ...and then he made her play "Chopsticks." ...and then he made her play "Chopsticks."
785 01:06:10,676 01:06:16,057 The word is spreading. It's spreading. It's like jungle drums. The word is spreading. It's spreading. It's like jungle drums.
786 01:06:16,515 01:06:20,394 Everybody knows about it. Everybody's talking about it. Everybody knows about it. Everybody's talking about it.
787 01:06:21,562 01:06:25,232 Television! I forgot she's on television. Television! I forgot she's on television.
788 01:06:25,524 01:06:28,069 50 million TV sets in America. 50 million TV sets in America.
789 01:06:28,361 01:06:31,280 And now with the coaxial cable...! And now with the coaxial cable...!
790 01:06:32,239 01:06:36,744 I had onions at lunch. I had garlic dressing at dinner. I had onions at lunch. I had garlic dressing at dinner.
791 01:06:37,036 01:06:38,996 But he'll never know... But he'll never know...
792 01:06:39,205 01:06:45,294 ...because I stay kissing-sweet the new Dazzledent way. ...because I stay kissing-sweet the new Dazzledent way.
793 01:06:48,422 01:06:52,885 Now that I have your attention, I want to warn all you girls... Now that I have your attention, I want to warn all you girls...
794 01:06:53,094 01:06:56,555 ...about an evil, dangerous, married man... ...about an evil, dangerous, married man...
795 01:06:56,806 01:06:59,100 ...living downstairs in my building. ...living downstairs in my building.
796 01:06:59,392 01:07:02,436 His name is Richard Sherman. His name is Richard Sherman.
797 01:07:02,770 01:07:06,148 S-H-E-R-M-A-N. S-H-E-R-M-A-N.
798 01:07:06,399 01:07:09,276 While his wife and son are in Maine... While his wife and son are in Maine...
799 01:07:09,485 01:07:13,280 ...this monster is terrorizing the girls of New York. ...this monster is terrorizing the girls of New York.
800 01:07:13,572 01:07:17,159 Mommy, come quick! They're talking about Daddy. Mommy, come quick! They're talking about Daddy.
801 01:07:17,451 01:07:20,579 He makes them sit on the piano bench... He makes them sit on the piano bench...
802 01:07:20,830 01:07:23,332 ...and makes them play "Chopsticks." ...and makes them play "Chopsticks."
803 01:07:23,624 01:07:26,502 Then suddenly he turns on them... Then suddenly he turns on them...
804 01:07:26,794 01:07:30,464 just like the creature from the Black Lagoon! just like the creature from the Black Lagoon!
805 01:07:33,634 01:07:35,970 Well, I might as well face it. Well, I might as well face it.
806 01:07:36,846 01:07:41,142 She knows everything. She knows, she knows, she knows. She knows everything. She knows, she knows, she knows.
807 01:07:41,976 01:07:46,689 But maybe she doesn't. Maybe there isn't any TV up in Maine. But maybe she doesn't. Maybe there isn't any TV up in Maine.
808 01:07:46,939 01:07:51,152 I can't go on like this. Why don't I just call Helen? I can't go on like this. Why don't I just call Helen?
809 01:07:51,444 01:07:56,198 The minute I heard her voice, I could tell if she knew anything. The minute I heard her voice, I could tell if she knew anything.
810 01:07:56,449 01:07:58,659 All right, call her. All right, call her.
811 01:08:02,705 01:08:06,625 Hello, long distance? I want Ogunquit, Maine. Hello, long distance? I want Ogunquit, Maine.
812 01:08:06,834 01:08:11,630 Ogunquit-42831 J. Yeah, thanks. Ogunquit-42831 J. Yeah, thanks.
813 01:08:12,548 01:08:18,012 What's taking so long? Maybe she's talking to the lawyers already. What's taking so long? Maybe she's talking to the lawyers already.
814 01:08:18,345 01:08:23,392 Hello, hello? Helen? Bad connection. Hello, hello? Helen? Bad connection.
815 01:08:23,684 01:08:26,854 Who? Who is this? Who? Who is this?
816 01:08:27,146 01:08:29,815 I wanna talk to Mrs. Sherman. I wanna talk to Mrs. Sherman.
817 01:08:30,024 01:08:34,862 Who is this? Oh, the babysitter. Who is this? Oh, the babysitter.
818 01:08:35,154 01:08:39,241 Look, this is Mr. Sherman. Where is Mrs. Sherman? Look, this is Mr. Sherman. Where is Mrs. Sherman?
819 01:08:39,658 01:08:42,745 What do you mean she's on a hayride? What do you mean she's on a hayride?
820 01:08:43,037 01:08:45,915 With whom is she on a hayride? With whom is she on a hayride?
821 01:08:46,415 01:08:48,876 Mr. MacKenzie and some people? Mr. MacKenzie and some people?
822 01:08:50,211 01:08:51,754 What people? What people?
823 01:08:53,464 01:08:58,052 She did leave a message? What was the message? She did leave a message? What was the message?
824 01:08:59,637 01:09:04,892 Ricky's paddle. No, I forgot Something came up. Ricky's paddle. No, I forgot Something came up.
825 01:09:05,142 01:09:08,979 I'll send it first thing in the morning. Goodbye! I'll send it first thing in the morning. Goodbye!
826 01:09:09,271 01:09:12,316 - Mr. Sherman? - What is it, Miss Morris? - Mr. Sherman? - What is it, Miss Morris?
827 01:09:12,566 01:09:15,820 It's after 6. Do you need me any more tonight? It's after 6. Do you need me any more tonight?
828 01:09:16,070 01:09:19,740 No. We've come to the end of a perfect day. No. We've come to the end of a perfect day.
829 01:09:19,949 01:09:23,452 Let's go home and enjoy the simple things. Let's go home and enjoy the simple things.
830 01:09:23,661 01:09:28,749 The good things, the real things. The laughter of a child. The good things, the real things. The laughter of a child.
831 01:09:28,916 01:09:33,003 A flight of swallows winging their way back home. A flight of swallows winging their way back home.
832 01:09:33,254 01:09:36,090 Life can be beautiful, Miss Morris. Life can be beautiful, Miss Morris.
833 01:09:52,273 01:09:53,482 Hey! Hey!
834 01:09:54,525 01:09:55,818 Good evening. Good evening.
835 01:09:56,777 01:09:58,654 I just washed my hair. I just washed my hair.
836 01:09:59,947 01:10:03,200 That's nice. Goodbye. That's nice. Goodbye.
837 01:10:07,955 01:10:12,126 Oh, no, not tonight. This girl's a pistol. Oh, no, not tonight. This girl's a pistol.
838 01:10:12,334 01:10:15,629 Got away with it once. Why press my luck? Got away with it once. Why press my luck?
839 01:10:20,134 01:10:24,972 It's gonna be quiet around here tonight. I promise you that. It's gonna be quiet around here tonight. I promise you that.
840 01:10:25,180 01:10:31,020 Take a shower, poach an egg, rinse a shirt, hit the sack... Take a shower, poach an egg, rinse a shirt, hit the sack...
841 01:10:31,562 01:10:32,980 ...and that's all. ...and that's all.
842 01:10:54,043 01:10:58,505 If she was washing her hair for me, is she kidding? If she was washing her hair for me, is she kidding?
843 01:11:01,050 01:11:04,929 Helen, what a wife! How lucky can you get? Helen, what a wife! How lucky can you get?
844 01:11:05,179 01:11:07,556 I'm glad she's having a good time. I'm glad she's having a good time.
845 01:11:07,848 01:11:12,186 People to go outwith, take her on hayrides. People to go outwith, take her on hayrides.
846 01:11:14,104 01:11:19,026 One thing, though. What's she doing on a hayride with MacKenzie? One thing, though. What's she doing on a hayride with MacKenzie?
847 01:11:19,360 01:11:22,696 I wish she wouldn't hang around people like that. I wish she wouldn't hang around people like that.
848 01:11:22,947 01:11:25,074 He's capable of making a pass at her. He's capable of making a pass at her.
849 01:11:25,366 01:11:28,702 She'll probably like it. She's getting older. She'll probably like it. She's getting older.
850 01:11:28,869 01:11:33,123 I'm probably very dull. And MacKenzie is a writer. I'm probably very dull. And MacKenzie is a writer.
851 01:11:33,374 01:11:37,628 A lousy writer. That last book of his! A lousy writer. That last book of his!
852 01:11:37,920 01:11:41,131 All that downwardly pulsating... All that downwardly pulsating...
853 01:11:41,382 01:11:44,301 ...and hair spilled across the pillow. ...and hair spilled across the pillow.
854 01:11:44,551 01:11:49,473 No woman is safe around a guy who writes stuff like that. No woman is safe around a guy who writes stuff like that.
855 01:12:04,655 01:12:08,409 No, Tom, please. The other people! No, Tom, please. The other people!
856 01:12:08,659 01:12:12,413 I have a confession to make. Look around. I have a confession to make. Look around.
857 01:12:15,290 01:12:19,294 - There are no other people. - Don't be angry. - There are no other people. - Don't be angry.
858 01:12:19,628 01:12:21,338 I should be. I should be.
859 01:12:22,006 01:12:25,009 No, Tom. What about the driver? No, Tom. What about the driver?
860 01:12:25,259 01:12:29,263 - There is no driver. - No driver? - There is no driver. - No driver?
861 01:12:29,513 01:12:33,600 I thought of everything. Even the horses are wearing blinkers. I thought of everything. Even the horses are wearing blinkers.
862 01:12:34,101 01:12:38,480 - Tom, I'm afraid. - Afraid? Of me? - Tom, I'm afraid. - Afraid? Of me?
863 01:12:38,772 01:12:41,775 No, of me. No, of me.
864 01:12:42,943 01:12:46,947 Oh, darling! Downwardly, pulsating, striving. Oh, darling! Downwardly, pulsating, striving.
865 01:12:47,197 01:12:50,451 Now together, ending and unending. Now together, ending and unending.
866 01:12:50,701 01:12:54,496 Now, now, now! Now, now, now!
867 01:12:55,205 01:12:59,334 What a cornball. Okay, good luck. What a cornball. Okay, good luck.
868 01:12:59,543 01:13:04,506 If that's the way you wanna play it, I can play it that way too! If that's the way you wanna play it, I can play it that way too!
869 01:13:15,392 01:13:18,145 Kaufman. Kaufman. Kaufman. Kaufman. Kaufman. Kaufman.
870 01:13:31,867 01:13:37,247 Hi! Did you know you left your tomato plant down here last night? Hi! Did you know you left your tomato plant down here last night?
871 01:13:39,333 01:13:41,668 I'd be glad to bring it up. I'd be glad to bring it up.
872 01:13:43,504 01:13:46,673 Maybe you'd like to have dinner. Maybe you'd like to have dinner.
873 01:13:48,509 01:13:52,262 Then maybe we could go to an air-conditioned movie. Then maybe we could go to an air-conditioned movie.
874 01:14:08,529 01:14:11,740 Didn't you love the picture? I did. Didn't you love the picture? I did.
875 01:14:12,032 01:14:16,370 But I just felt so sorry for the creature at the end. But I just felt so sorry for the creature at the end.
876 01:14:16,578 01:14:20,707 Sorry? What, did you want him to marry the girl? Sorry? What, did you want him to marry the girl?
877 01:14:20,916 01:14:25,462 He was scary-looking, but he wasn't really all bad. He was scary-looking, but he wasn't really all bad.
878 01:14:25,712 01:14:28,465 He just craved a little affection. He just craved a little affection.
879 01:14:28,757 01:14:32,719 A sense of being loved and needed and wanted. A sense of being loved and needed and wanted.
880 01:14:32,970 01:14:35,722 That's an interesting point of view. That's an interesting point of view.
881 01:14:36,140 01:14:38,725 Do you feel the breeze from the subway? Do you feel the breeze from the subway?
882 01:14:38,934 01:14:41,061 Isn't it delicious? Isn't it delicious?
883 01:14:46,400 01:14:51,238 Sort of cools the ankles. What would be fun to do now? Sort of cools the ankles. What would be fun to do now?
884 01:14:51,446 01:14:54,449 - It's getting pretty late. - Not that late. - It's getting pretty late. - Not that late.
885 01:14:54,741 01:14:58,245 I have this big day tomorrow. I have to get to sleep. I have this big day tomorrow. I have to get to sleep.
886 01:14:58,453 01:14:59,663 What's the big day? What's the big day?
887 01:14:59,913 01:15:04,751 Tomorrow I'm on TV. I told you, The Dazzledent Hour. Tomorrow I'm on TV. I told you, The Dazzledent Hour.
888 01:15:05,752 01:15:07,963 Oh, here comes another one. Oh, here comes another one.
889 01:15:13,343 01:15:17,931 Tell me, Dazzledent toothpaste, I don't think I ever tried it. Tell me, Dazzledent toothpaste, I don't think I ever tried it.
890 01:15:18,182 01:15:22,477 You should. It's excellent. Oh, yes, I use it myself. You should. It's excellent. Oh, yes, I use it myself.
891 01:15:22,769 01:15:26,440 - Then you do recommend it? - Definitely. - Then you do recommend it? - Definitely.
892 01:15:26,607 01:15:31,945 It costs a little more, but 8 out of 10 oral hygienists-- It costs a little more, but 8 out of 10 oral hygienists--
893 01:15:32,196 01:15:36,116 You sound like a commercial. If I believed commercials... You sound like a commercial. If I believed commercials...
894 01:15:36,366 01:15:40,037 - You can believe this one. - What's that you say? - You can believe this one. - What's that you say?
895 01:15:40,287 01:15:45,459 "He'll never know. I stay kissing- sweet the new Dazzledent way"? "He'll never know. I stay kissing- sweet the new Dazzledent way"?
896 01:15:45,667 01:15:50,297 - Now really. - It's true! I'll prove it to you. - Now really. - It's true! I'll prove it to you.
897 01:15:53,800 01:15:55,302 Well? Well?
898 01:15:55,510 01:15:59,306 My faith in the integrity of advertising is restored. My faith in the integrity of advertising is restored.
899 01:15:59,640 01:16:05,229 However, before I switch brands, I wanna make absolutely certain. However, before I switch brands, I wanna make absolutely certain.
900 01:16:10,484 01:16:14,321 A successful businessman like Kaufman... A successful businessman like Kaufman...
901 01:16:14,529 01:16:16,323 ...probably makes 15,000 a year. ...probably makes 15,000 a year.
902 01:16:16,490 01:16:21,662 Spends a fortune on sculptures but will not put in air conditioning. Spends a fortune on sculptures but will not put in air conditioning.
903 01:16:21,870 01:16:25,249 I bet it was 95 in the bedroom last night. I bet it was 95 in the bedroom last night.
904 01:16:25,540 01:16:27,668 Poor kid, it's awful. Poor kid, it's awful.
905 01:16:30,170 01:16:31,171 Good night. Good night.
906 01:16:31,421 01:16:34,883 If you wanted to drop by my place to cool off... If you wanted to drop by my place to cool off...
907 01:16:35,175 01:16:38,512 ...before you face that Turkish bath up there... ...before you face that Turkish bath up there...
908 01:16:38,762 01:16:43,433 I left the air conditioning on full blast. It's cold in there. I left the air conditioning on full blast. It's cold in there.
909 01:16:43,684 01:16:48,730 - Maybe for a few minutes. - To bring the body temperature down. - Maybe for a few minutes. - To bring the body temperature down.
910 01:16:49,523 01:16:52,567 I feel no matter how much it costs... I feel no matter how much it costs...
911 01:16:52,859 01:16:56,071 ...if you've got to sell the kids' bonds... ...if you've got to sell the kids' bonds...
912 01:16:56,363 01:16:59,199 ...I say in the summertime in New York... ...I say in the summertime in New York...
913 01:16:59,408 01:17:02,369 ...you've got to have air conditioning. ...you've got to have air conditioning.
914 01:17:03,787 01:17:05,372 Just feel that. Just feel that.
915 01:17:11,211 01:17:15,465 I didn't tell you, but I have air conditioning in every room. I didn't tell you, but I have air conditioning in every room.
916 01:17:15,757 01:17:18,760 The kitchen, the bathroom, the bedroom. The kitchen, the bathroom, the bedroom.
917 01:17:19,052 01:17:22,055 - Heaven! - You just relax. - Heaven! - You just relax.
918 01:17:22,306 01:17:27,102 I'll fix two drinks, and we'll have a nice, quiet talk. I'll fix two drinks, and we'll have a nice, quiet talk.
919 01:17:38,947 01:17:41,283 This is really the most! This is really the most!
920 01:17:43,243 01:17:45,912 Well, what shall we talk about? Well, what shall we talk about?
921 01:17:46,121 01:17:48,999 How about psychoanalysis? How about psychoanalysis?
922 01:17:49,416 01:17:54,588 I don't know how much you know about it, but it's a hobby of mine. I don't know how much you know about it, but it's a hobby of mine.
923 01:17:54,796 01:17:59,092 I like to wander through the labyrinth of the human mind. I like to wander through the labyrinth of the human mind.
924 01:17:59,301 01:18:03,638 What gets me is spending $3.95 for that miserable fan. What gets me is spending $3.95 for that miserable fan.
925 01:18:03,930 01:18:05,807 It's absolutely useless. It's absolutely useless.
926 01:18:06,016 01:18:09,686 I'll take it back to the store to get my money back. I'll take it back to the store to get my money back.
927 01:18:09,936 01:18:13,440 Just hope I didn't lose the sales slip. Just hope I didn't lose the sales slip.
928 01:18:14,274 01:18:16,443 Two days ago we were strangers... Two days ago we were strangers...
929 01:18:16,693 01:18:19,821 ...and now you're here alone with me. ...and now you're here alone with me.
930 01:18:20,489 01:18:23,283 How did it happen? Why did we meet? How did it happen? Why did we meet?
931 01:18:23,533 01:18:26,620 The answer lies in the unconscious. The answer lies in the unconscious.
932 01:18:27,287 01:18:32,125 If they won't take back the fan, the larger size is only $3 more. If they won't take back the fan, the larger size is only $3 more.
933 01:18:32,793 01:18:37,881 But what about tonight? I've just got to get some sleep. But what about tonight? I've just got to get some sleep.
934 01:18:38,131 01:18:43,387 You think that plant fell by itself? There are no accidents. You think that plant fell by itself? There are no accidents.
935 01:18:43,637 01:18:46,515 Nothing happens by itself. We make it happen. Nothing happens by itself. We make it happen.
936 01:18:46,723 01:18:51,019 You didn't accidentally brush the plant, you pushed it. You didn't accidentally brush the plant, you pushed it.
937 01:18:51,311 01:18:56,358 Maybe if I took the fan, put it in the icebox... Maybe if I took the fan, put it in the icebox...
938 01:18:56,650 01:18:58,652 ...and left the door open... ...and left the door open...
939 01:18:58,902 01:19:04,574 ...then left the bedroom door open and soaked the sheets in ice water... ...then left the bedroom door open and soaked the sheets in ice water...
940 01:19:04,825 01:19:07,536 No, that's too icky. No, that's too icky.
941 01:19:07,744 01:19:10,163 Your behavior is obvious. Your behavior is obvious.
942 01:19:10,414 01:19:13,333 You pushed the plant down to kill me. You pushed the plant down to kill me.
943 01:19:13,583 01:19:16,086 And why do you suppose you wanted to? And why do you suppose you wanted to?
944 01:19:16,378 01:19:21,174 Could it be, could it possibly be because you love me? Could it be, could it possibly be because you love me?
945 01:19:24,761 01:19:30,100 Of course I could simply ask him if-- I'm sure he wouldn't mind. Of course I could simply ask him if-- I'm sure he wouldn't mind.
946 01:19:31,351 01:19:33,687 He's such a nice man. He's such a nice man.
947 01:19:34,229 01:19:39,234 Nothing to be ashamed of. Under this veneer we're all savages. Nothing to be ashamed of. Under this veneer we're all savages.
948 01:19:39,526 01:19:42,863 Man, woman, hopelessly enmeshed. Man, woman, hopelessly enmeshed.
949 01:19:43,113 01:19:47,409 We're on a toboggan, we can't stop. It's too late to run. We're on a toboggan, we can't stop. It's too late to run.
950 01:19:47,701 01:19:49,953 The beguine has begun. The beguine has begun.
951 01:19:50,871 01:19:53,081 What are we going to do? What are we going to do?
952 01:19:55,125 01:19:58,920 I've been thinking about it and I... I've been thinking about it and I...
953 01:19:59,212 01:20:00,881 Yes? Yes?
954 01:20:01,047 01:20:04,301 I'd like to stay here with you tonight. I'd like to stay here with you tonight.
955 01:20:05,093 01:20:07,220 I'd like to sleep here. I'd like to sleep here.
956 01:20:11,475 01:20:15,228 - Are you sure? - That is, if you don't mind. - Are you sure? - That is, if you don't mind.
957 01:20:16,313 01:20:20,942 It's not a question of minding. We don't wanna rush into this. It's not a question of minding. We don't wanna rush into this.
958 01:20:21,234 01:20:25,906 There are savages, and savages. This may be too savage. There are savages, and savages. This may be too savage.
959 01:20:26,114 01:20:28,283 If you want to stay-- If you want to stay--
960 01:20:28,909 01:20:31,912 Don't make me go to that hot apartment. Don't make me go to that hot apartment.
961 01:20:32,078 01:20:37,292 I haven't slept in three nights. I'd like to look good tomorrow. I haven't slept in three nights. I'd like to look good tomorrow.
962 01:20:37,584 01:20:40,837 I could sleep right here in this chair. I could sleep right here in this chair.
963 01:20:41,129 01:20:45,759 I'll be as quiet as a mouse. You won't know I'm around. Please? I'll be as quiet as a mouse. You won't know I'm around. Please?
964 01:20:47,844 01:20:53,266 Well, that's different. Of course you can sleep here. Well, that's different. Of course you can sleep here.
965 01:20:53,475 01:20:56,603 We're not savages. We're civilized people. We're not savages. We're civilized people.
966 01:20:56,853 01:21:01,107 - Thank you. What time do you get up? - About 8, I guess. - Thank you. What time do you get up? - About 8, I guess.
967 01:21:01,316 01:21:06,154 - I'll fix you breakfast. - Fix my breakfast-- Wait a minute. - I'll fix you breakfast. - Fix my breakfast-- Wait a minute.
968 01:21:06,363 01:21:10,825 Suppose someone sees you leaving the apartment at 8. Suppose someone sees you leaving the apartment at 8.
969 01:21:11,117 01:21:13,620 Just one person sees you, and we're dead. Just one person sees you, and we're dead.
970 01:21:13,828 01:21:18,875 All right then, I could get up at 6 and sneak upstairs. All right then, I could get up at 6 and sneak upstairs.
971 01:21:19,125 01:21:21,628 Get up at 6 and sneak-- Sneak! Get up at 6 and sneak-- Sneak!
972 01:21:21,878 01:21:25,966 Even worse. Suppose someone sees you sneaking out? Even worse. Suppose someone sees you sneaking out?
973 01:21:26,174 01:21:28,385 We're not doing anything wrong. We're not doing anything wrong.
974 01:21:28,635 01:21:33,306 Certainly, but there's such a thing as society, laws, rules. Certainly, but there's such a thing as society, laws, rules.
975 01:21:33,473 01:21:36,685 But after all, no man is an island. But after all, no man is an island.
976 01:21:43,316 01:21:47,571 - Who is it? - It's me, Mr. Kruhulik. - Who is it? - It's me, Mr. Kruhulik.
977 01:22:02,043 01:22:04,921 - What is it? - I was just coming home. - What is it? - I was just coming home.
978 01:22:05,171 01:22:09,509 Went out with a lady, the one with the big, fat poodle. Went out with a lady, the one with the big, fat poodle.
979 01:22:09,718 01:22:14,848 I saw your light. I thought it might be a good time to pick up the rugs. I saw your light. I thought it might be a good time to pick up the rugs.
980 01:22:15,056 01:22:18,226 At 1:30 in the morning? Are you out of your mind? At 1:30 in the morning? Are you out of your mind?
981 01:22:18,435 01:22:20,353 I promised your wife. I promised your wife.
982 01:22:20,520 01:22:25,609 Those moths are probably right now chewing away big, gaping holes. Those moths are probably right now chewing away big, gaping holes.
983 01:22:25,859 01:22:28,570 Stop worrying. I give you my word... Stop worrying. I give you my word...
984 01:22:28,778 01:22:31,364 ...the moths are not eating anything. ...the moths are not eating anything.
985 01:22:31,573 01:22:35,535 Come tomorrow, early, before they have their breakfast. Come tomorrow, early, before they have their breakfast.
986 01:22:35,744 01:22:38,747 You can't trust a moth, Mr. Sherman. You can't trust a moth, Mr. Sherman.
987 01:22:39,039 01:22:40,790 They get hungry at night... They get hungry at night...
988 01:22:41,041 01:22:44,878 ...so they start looking around for a snack and-- ...so they start looking around for a snack and--
989 01:22:51,301 01:22:55,055 - Oh, I wish I was dead - What's the matter? - Oh, I wish I was dead - What's the matter?
990 01:22:55,305 01:22:59,434 I'm sorry. I didn't quite understand the situation. I'm sorry. I didn't quite understand the situation.
991 01:22:59,726 01:23:03,313 In a situation like this, who cares about moths? In a situation like this, who cares about moths?
992 01:23:03,563 01:23:06,566 Situation, Mr. Kruhulik? What situation? Situation, Mr. Kruhulik? What situation?
993 01:23:10,987 01:23:13,657 Moths? Let them eat the rugs. Moths? Let them eat the rugs.
994 01:23:13,907 01:23:16,785 Let them eat the curtains. Who cares? Let them eat the curtains. Who cares?
995 01:23:17,494 01:23:19,913 Go, man, go. Go, man, go.
996 01:23:21,414 01:23:25,418 I'd like to explain this. This may seem unusual. I'd like to explain this. This may seem unusual.
997 01:23:25,627 01:23:29,422 - But it's the most natural thing. - I'll say. - But it's the most natural thing. - I'll say.
998 01:23:29,673 01:23:34,844 Summertime, and the living is easy Fish are jumping, cotton is high." Summertime, and the living is easy Fish are jumping, cotton is high."
999 01:23:35,095 01:23:39,432 That's enough! The young lady lives in this building. That's enough! The young lady lives in this building.
1000 01:23:39,641 01:23:42,602 - There's been a terrible accident. - Hi. - There's been a terrible accident. - Hi.
1001 01:23:43,269 01:23:46,189 Well, hello! Well, hello!
1002 01:23:47,607 01:23:50,819 Isn't she a living doll? Isn't she a living doll?
1003 01:23:51,319 01:23:54,197 This lady's tomato plant fell down. This lady's tomato plant fell down.
1004 01:23:54,447 01:23:58,034 Sorry to disappoint, but that's all there is to it. Sorry to disappoint, but that's all there is to it.
1005 01:23:58,284 01:24:00,995 In fact, I'm glad you dropped in. In fact, I'm glad you dropped in.
1006 01:24:01,705 01:24:05,500 You can help her take the plant upstairs. It's here. You can help her take the plant upstairs. It's here.
1007 01:24:05,709 01:24:08,712 I watered the garden with a cocktail shaker. I watered the garden with a cocktail shaker.
1008 01:24:08,962 01:24:10,630 A little silver shaker. A little silver shaker.
1009 01:24:10,880 01:24:14,175 You can see your insinuations are preposterous. You can see your insinuations are preposterous.
1010 01:24:14,467 01:24:17,387 A natural mistake, Mr. Sherman. A natural mistake, Mr. Sherman.
1011 01:24:17,637 01:24:22,475 And my apologies to you, dear lady. What a doll! And my apologies to you, dear lady. What a doll!
1012 01:24:22,726 01:24:26,563 - Right out here, Mr. Kruhulik. - What a shambles. - Right out here, Mr. Kruhulik. - What a shambles.
1013 01:24:26,855 01:24:31,067 It's all right. We're covered. I have a policy. It's all right. We're covered. I have a policy.
1014 01:24:33,319 01:24:36,197 Thank you, Mr. Kruhulik, and good night. Thank you, Mr. Kruhulik, and good night.
1015 01:24:36,489 01:24:40,076 Good night, Miss-- Whatever your name is. Good night, Miss-- Whatever your name is.
1016 01:24:40,368 01:24:43,204 Be careful, it's heavy. Don't strain anything. Be careful, it's heavy. Don't strain anything.
1017 01:24:43,496 01:24:45,039 I'm strained already... I'm strained already...
1018 01:24:45,331 01:24:50,670 ...from carrying that big, fat poodle around. I wish I was dead! ...from carrying that big, fat poodle around. I wish I was dead!
1019 01:24:51,921 01:24:55,675 - Well, good night. - Good night. - Well, good night. - Good night.
1020 01:24:56,843 01:25:00,513 I'm sorry. But you can see how it is. I'm sorry. But you can see how it is.
1021 01:25:00,764 01:25:04,184 I understand. No man is an island. I understand. No man is an island.
1022 01:25:13,526 01:25:14,861 Normal. Normal.
1023 01:25:17,405 01:25:20,116 Everything is absolutely normal. Everything is absolutely normal.
1024 01:25:20,408 01:25:22,702 Sleep. Go to sleep. Sleep. Go to sleep.
1025 01:25:22,911 01:25:25,246 How can I possibly sleep? How can I possibly sleep?
1026 01:25:26,247 01:25:27,749 What'll I do? What'll I do?
1027 01:25:29,459 01:25:34,464 Helen. Write to Helen. Write a long letter to Helen. Helen. Write to Helen. Write a long letter to Helen.
1028 01:25:35,882 01:25:39,719 Paddle, that's it. I've got to send the paddle. Paddle, that's it. I've got to send the paddle.
1029 01:25:39,928 01:25:44,140 Little Ricky out there on the lake without a paddle. Little Ricky out there on the lake without a paddle.
1030 01:25:44,390 01:25:48,978 Wrap the paddle and send it off in the morning. Ricky needs it. Wrap the paddle and send it off in the morning. Ricky needs it.
1031 01:25:49,229 01:25:54,609 Going to get his paddle. How do you wrap a paddle, anyway? Going to get his paddle. How do you wrap a paddle, anyway?
1032 01:25:54,901 01:25:57,403 Paper and string, what else? Paper and string, what else?
1033 01:25:58,571 01:26:01,950 I need a piece of paper the shape of a paddle. I need a piece of paper the shape of a paddle.
1034 01:26:12,085 01:26:14,254 All right, nothing. All right, nothing.
1035 01:26:16,005 01:26:20,134 Hey, there's some gauze in the bathroom. Hey, there's some gauze in the bathroom.
1036 01:26:20,343 01:26:24,347 I can bandage the whole thing, put some tape on it and-- I can bandage the whole thing, put some tape on it and--
1037 01:26:24,597 01:26:28,268 And what, send it up in an ambulance? And what, send it up in an ambulance?
1038 01:26:30,937 01:26:33,106 This is ridiculous. This is ridiculous.
1039 01:26:33,314 01:26:37,277 People send paddles every day. The mails are full of them. People send paddles every day. The mails are full of them.
1040 01:26:37,527 01:26:39,696 How do they do it? How do they do it?
1041 01:26:42,156 01:26:45,493 That's it, old newspapers! That's it, old newspapers!
1042 01:26:45,869 01:26:48,288 Big deal, old newspapers. Big deal, old newspapers.
1043 01:26:48,454 01:26:52,292 Get a lot of string, slap it together... Get a lot of string, slap it together...
1044 01:27:11,144 01:27:12,478 Hi. Hi.
1045 01:27:15,648 01:27:20,987 Forgot about the stairs. It was so easy. I pulled out the nails. Forgot about the stairs. It was so easy. I pulled out the nails.
1046 01:27:23,197 01:27:26,868 You know what? We can do this all summer. You know what? We can do this all summer.
1047 01:28:18,252 01:28:20,546 Miss. Young lady. Miss. Young lady.
1048 01:28:21,381 01:28:25,551 I've got to take a shower. Got to get to the office. I've got to take a shower. Got to get to the office.
1049 01:28:25,802 01:28:30,890 Please, lady, get up, go home so I can get to the office. Please, lady, get up, go home so I can get to the office.
1050 01:28:31,474 01:28:34,435 Please, lady? No? Please, lady? No?
1051 01:29:26,779 01:29:30,491 Poor kid, working in New York in this heat. Poor kid, working in New York in this heat.
1052 01:29:30,783 01:29:35,455 And on television! Standing there under those hot lights. And on television! Standing there under those hot lights.
1053 01:29:38,791 01:29:41,544 She must need money real bad. She must need money real bad.
1054 01:29:41,794 01:29:46,841 Lives in an expensive apartment. I know what clothes cost. Lives in an expensive apartment. I know what clothes cost.
1055 01:29:47,133 01:29:49,719 Buys imported champagne. Buys imported champagne.
1056 01:29:50,470 01:29:53,139 How can she possibly afford--? How can she possibly afford--?
1057 01:29:53,347 01:29:55,808 She must have other sources of income. She must have other sources of income.
1058 01:29:56,809 01:30:01,731 Plenty of ways a girl can get money if she's unscrupulous enough. Plenty of ways a girl can get money if she's unscrupulous enough.
1059 01:30:01,981 01:30:07,195 She could get herself some foolish, well-to-do married man. She could get herself some foolish, well-to-do married man.
1060 01:30:07,487 01:30:09,989 Trap him into some situation. Trap him into some situation.
1061 01:30:10,198 01:30:15,161 Bleed him till he's white, squeeze him till he's dry-- Bleed him till he's white, squeeze him till he's dry--
1062 01:30:16,746 01:30:21,834 They have a word for this. They call it "blackmail." They have a word for this. They call it "blackmail."
1063 01:30:32,678 01:30:35,765 Where is she? She's with Kruhulik. Where is she? She's with Kruhulik.
1064 01:30:36,015 01:30:40,186 They're down at the bank going through my safe-deposit box. They're down at the bank going through my safe-deposit box.
1065 01:30:46,859 01:30:49,946 Hello, are you in there? Hello, are you in there?
1066 01:30:50,196 01:30:55,201 Hi, good morning! Just taking a shower. Be out in a minute. Hi, good morning! Just taking a shower. Be out in a minute.
1067 01:31:00,540 01:31:04,460 Taking a shower, she'll be out in a minute, that's all. Taking a shower, she'll be out in a minute, that's all.
1068 01:31:04,710 01:31:09,132 I should get one of the new towels and take it to her. I should get one of the new towels and take it to her.
1069 01:31:11,384 01:31:15,221 That would very definitely be another boo-boo. That would very definitely be another boo-boo.
1070 01:31:17,390 01:31:21,894 If anyone were to walk in, would they ever get the wrong idea. If anyone were to walk in, would they ever get the wrong idea.
1071 01:31:22,145 01:31:27,400 Cinnamon toast for two, strange blond in the shower. Explain that. Cinnamon toast for two, strange blond in the shower. Explain that.
1072 01:31:27,650 01:31:31,445 Tell them you spent the night wrapping a paddle. Tell them you spent the night wrapping a paddle.
1073 01:31:35,324 01:31:37,076 Anybody walk in here! Anybody walk in here!
1074 01:31:37,285 01:31:42,498 Who's gonna walk in here? J. Edgar Hoover? Arthur Godfrey? Who's gonna walk in here? J. Edgar Hoover? Arthur Godfrey?
1075 01:31:42,748 01:31:44,500 Helen, maybe? Helen, maybe?
1076 01:31:50,631 01:31:54,760 She's in Maine. How could she get here? She's in Maine. How could she get here?
1077 01:31:56,762 01:32:01,684 On the train, that's how. On the early morning train. On the train, that's how. On the early morning train.
1078 01:32:01,934 01:32:06,564 Why would she be coming to New York? Because she knows something. Why would she be coming to New York? Because she knows something.
1079 01:32:06,814 01:32:10,693 Because someone tipped her off. Who could've tipped--? Because someone tipped her off. Who could've tipped--?
1080 01:32:10,943 01:32:13,988 Kruhulik! He saw the girl here last night Kruhulik! He saw the girl here last night
1081 01:32:14,238 01:32:18,492 ...called Helen long distance and told her everything. ...called Helen long distance and told her everything.
1082 01:32:18,743 01:32:23,873 She's on the train, I know it. Early morning train's in already. She's on the train, I know it. Early morning train's in already.
1083 01:32:24,081 01:32:29,170 She's in a cab. She's on her way here. She'll be here any second! She's in a cab. She's on her way here. She'll be here any second!
1084 01:32:37,428 01:32:41,098 There's a woman in this apartment. I know there is. There's a woman in this apartment. I know there is.
1085 01:32:41,349 01:32:45,895 - No, Helen, it's not true. - Don't lie to me, Richard. - No, Helen, it's not true. - Don't lie to me, Richard.
1086 01:32:46,145 01:32:49,482 Who told you? Was it Kruhulik? Who told you? Was it Kruhulik?
1087 01:32:49,774 01:32:54,362 That's right. I've had him watching you for months. That's right. I've had him watching you for months.
1088 01:32:54,987 01:33:00,409 His name's not Kruhulik. He's a private eye named Johnny Dollar. His name's not Kruhulik. He's a private eye named Johnny Dollar.
1089 01:33:00,618 01:33:04,038 - What are you going to do? - I'm going to shoot you. - What are you going to do? - I'm going to shoot you.
1090 01:33:04,288 01:33:08,167 I can explain everything. The cinnamon toast, the shower. I can explain everything. The cinnamon toast, the shower.
1091 01:33:08,459 01:33:09,919 This girl's from Denver. This girl's from Denver.
1092 01:33:10,169 01:33:15,216 The Kaufmans have no air conditioning. Spend a fortune on sculpture. The Kaufmans have no air conditioning. Spend a fortune on sculpture.
1093 01:33:15,466 01:33:19,929 The drugstore wouldn't take back her fan, she lost the slip. The drugstore wouldn't take back her fan, she lost the slip.
1094 01:33:20,179 01:33:25,476 So I let her sleep in our bed. I was just wrapping the paddle. So I let her sleep in our bed. I was just wrapping the paddle.
1095 01:33:26,477 01:33:30,856 At least have the decency to keep the paddle of a child... At least have the decency to keep the paddle of a child...
1096 01:33:31,107 01:33:32,817 ...out of this sordid mess. ...out of this sordid mess.
1097 01:33:34,610 01:33:37,697 You're mad. You'll never get away with this. You're mad. You'll never get away with this.
1098 01:33:37,989 01:33:42,410 Yes, I will. There's such a thing as the unwritten law. Yes, I will. There's such a thing as the unwritten law.
1099 01:33:42,660 01:33:44,370 Goodbye, Richard. Goodbye, Richard.
1100 01:33:47,373 01:33:51,585 - Give me another chance! - They'll give me a medal. - Give me another chance! - They'll give me a medal.
1101 01:33:51,794 01:33:55,214 The wives of America will give me a medal! The wives of America will give me a medal!
1102 01:34:07,727 01:34:12,398 Helen, I'm going fast. Give me a cigarette. Helen, I'm going fast. Give me a cigarette.
1103 01:34:12,648 01:34:18,029 A cigarette! You know what Dr. Murphy told you about smoking. A cigarette! You know what Dr. Murphy told you about smoking.
1104 01:34:21,615 01:34:23,367 A cigarette. A cigarette.
1105 01:34:26,162 01:34:28,748 Just one more cigarette, Dr. Murphy. Just one more cigarette, Dr. Murphy.
1106 01:34:29,707 01:34:31,959 One more for the road. One more for the road.
1107 01:34:32,293 01:34:34,628 For the long, long road. For the long, long road.
1108 01:34:36,922 01:34:38,132 Hi. Hi.
1109 01:34:39,842 01:34:43,471 - What are you doing? - I need a cigarette. - What are you doing? - I need a cigarette.
1110 01:34:43,679 01:34:46,724 They're right there on the table. They're right there on the table.
1111 01:34:48,017 01:34:51,687 - What's the matter with you? - I'm all shot. - What's the matter with you? - I'm all shot.
1112 01:34:51,937 01:34:56,108 It's because I took your bed and you slept on the couch. It's because I took your bed and you slept on the couch.
1113 01:34:56,359 01:34:59,153 I knew I should've taken the couch. I knew I should've taken the couch.
1114 01:34:59,445 01:35:01,697 It's not the couch, it's my wife. It's not the couch, it's my wife.
1115 01:35:01,947 01:35:05,659 - She found out about us and shot me. - She what? - She found out about us and shot me. - She what?
1116 01:35:05,868 01:35:09,830 Five times in the back and twice in the belly. Five times in the back and twice in the belly.
1117 01:35:10,206 01:35:12,792 You're just having a bad dream. You're just having a bad dream.
1118 01:35:13,709 01:35:16,504 Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, I guess so.
1119 01:35:17,755 01:35:21,175 Come on now. Everything's fine. Come on now. Everything's fine.
1120 01:35:21,467 01:35:26,764 It's just my imagination. Some people have flat feet. It's just my imagination. Some people have flat feet.
1121 01:35:27,014 01:35:31,894 - I have this appalling imagination. - I think it's just elegant. - I have this appalling imagination. - I think it's just elegant.
1122 01:35:32,144 01:35:37,191 I just have no imagination at all. I have lots of other things. I just have no imagination at all. I have lots of other things.
1123 01:35:37,566 01:35:41,320 I was standing in the kitchen. Then it occurred to me. I was standing in the kitchen. Then it occurred to me.
1124 01:35:41,570 01:35:46,617 If my wife walked in with you in the shower, she'd probably shoot me. If my wife walked in with you in the shower, she'd probably shoot me.
1125 01:35:46,867 01:35:49,620 Of course. If I was married... Of course. If I was married...
1126 01:35:49,870 01:35:55,292 ...and came in on my husband making toast for a blond, I'd shoot him. ...and came in on my husband making toast for a blond, I'd shoot him.
1127 01:35:55,709 01:35:58,421 - You would? - Bang,bang,bang! - You would? - Bang,bang,bang!
1128 01:35:58,671 01:36:00,506 Right in the head. Right in the head.
1129 01:36:01,507 01:36:03,551 Come on now, relax. Come on now, relax.
1130 01:36:03,801 01:36:07,763 - You're just making this all up. - That's right. - You're just making this all up. - That's right.
1131 01:36:08,013 01:36:12,309 I don't suppose if she had come in she'd shoot me. I don't suppose if she had come in she'd shoot me.
1132 01:36:12,518 01:36:16,188 She'd be mad, maybe throw an ashtray. She'd be mad, maybe throw an ashtray.
1133 01:36:16,439 01:36:19,817 - Just that? - She probably wouldn't even do that. - Just that? - She probably wouldn't even do that.
1134 01:36:20,067 01:36:22,445 If she found you in the shower... If she found you in the shower...
1135 01:36:22,695 01:36:25,698 ...she'd probably think you were the plumber. ...she'd probably think you were the plumber.
1136 01:36:26,699 01:36:30,953 - A blond plumber? - Absolutely. She trusts me implicitly. - A blond plumber? - Absolutely. She trusts me implicitly.
1137 01:36:31,203 01:36:34,498 - Doesn't she love you? - Oh, she loves me. - Doesn't she love you? - Oh, she loves me.
1138 01:36:34,748 01:36:36,250 She worries about me. She worries about me.
1139 01:36:36,500 01:36:40,588 I had a cough, and she made me stop smoking. I had a cough, and she made me stop smoking.
1140 01:36:40,796 01:36:43,716 - She loves me, all right. - Isn't she jealous? - She loves me, all right. - Isn't she jealous?
1141 01:36:43,924 01:36:50,222 Not really. How can anybody be jealous of somebody with a briefcase... Not really. How can anybody be jealous of somebody with a briefcase...
1142 01:36:50,431 01:36:55,269 ...who's getting a little pot and can't keep his eyes open past 9? ...who's getting a little pot and can't keep his eyes open past 9?
1143 01:36:55,478 01:36:58,856 She trusts me. It'd never occur to her that I-- She trusts me. It'd never occur to her that I--
1144 01:36:59,106 01:37:03,152 Last Christmas, I came home with lipstick on my collar. Last Christmas, I came home with lipstick on my collar.
1145 01:37:03,402 01:37:07,990 Helen said, "What's that on your collar, cranberry sauce?" Helen said, "What's that on your collar, cranberry sauce?"
1146 01:37:09,408 01:37:14,163 - That's bad. - You know who kissed me? Mrs. Brady. - That's bad. - You know who kissed me? Mrs. Brady.
1147 01:37:14,413 01:37:18,626 Face it, no pretty girl wants me, she wants Gregory Peck. Face it, no pretty girl wants me, she wants Gregory Peck.
1148 01:37:18,918 01:37:22,713 Is that so? How do you know what a pretty girl wants? Is that so? How do you know what a pretty girl wants?
1149 01:37:22,963 01:37:25,090 I don't know, but I imagine-- I don't know, but I imagine--
1150 01:37:25,341 01:37:29,178 Your imagination! You think every girl's a dope. Your imagination! You think every girl's a dope.
1151 01:37:29,428 01:37:33,641 You think a girl goes to a party and there's some guy... You think a girl goes to a party and there's some guy...
1152 01:37:33,849 01:37:37,561 ...in a fancy striped vest strutting around... ...in a fancy striped vest strutting around...
1153 01:37:37,811 01:37:42,441 ...giving you that I'm-so-handsome- you-can't-resist-me look. ...giving you that I'm-so-handsome- you-can't-resist-me look.
1154 01:37:42,691 01:37:46,111 From this she's supposed to fall flat on her face. From this she's supposed to fall flat on her face.
1155 01:37:46,362 01:37:49,240 Well, she doesn't fall on her face. Well, she doesn't fall on her face.
1156 01:37:50,449 01:37:54,703 But there's another guy in the room, over in the corner. But there's another guy in the room, over in the corner.
1157 01:37:54,954 01:37:58,666 Maybe he's nervous and shy and perspiring a little. Maybe he's nervous and shy and perspiring a little.
1158 01:37:58,916 01:38:00,960 First, you look past him. First, you look past him.
1159 01:38:01,168 01:38:05,965 But then you sense that he's gentle and kind and worried. But then you sense that he's gentle and kind and worried.
1160 01:38:06,215 01:38:11,053 That he'll be tender with you, nice and sweet. That he'll be tender with you, nice and sweet.
1161 01:38:11,387 01:38:14,306 That's what's really exciting. That's what's really exciting.
1162 01:38:17,601 01:38:21,814 If I were your wife, I'd be very jealous of you If I were your wife, I'd be very jealous of you
1163 01:38:22,398 01:38:25,568 I'd be very, very jealous I'd be very, very jealous
1164 01:38:31,532 01:38:34,118 I think you're just elegant. I think you're just elegant.
1165 01:38:36,287 01:38:37,830 Thank you. Thank you.
1166 01:38:39,290 01:38:41,000 Aren't you going to answer it? Aren't you going to answer it?
1167 01:38:41,250 01:38:44,086 - Answer what? - The doorbell. - Answer what? - The doorbell.
1168 01:38:45,170 01:38:48,465 Go ahead, I'll put the cinnamon on the toast. Go ahead, I'll put the cinnamon on the toast.
1169 01:39:01,854 01:39:04,398 Tom MacKenzie! Tom MacKenzie!
1170 01:39:04,648 01:39:07,776 - Morning, Dickie-boy. - What are you doing here? - Morning, Dickie-boy. - What are you doing here?
1171 01:39:08,027 01:39:11,989 - Don't call me "Dickie-boy." - Got a date with my agent. - Don't call me "Dickie-boy." - Got a date with my agent.
1172 01:39:12,239 01:39:14,491 - Is that coffee I smell? - No. - Is that coffee I smell? - No.
1173 01:39:14,742 01:39:19,788 I'm glad I caught you. We've got important family business to discuss. I'm glad I caught you. We've got important family business to discuss.
1174 01:39:20,039 01:39:23,834 - Are you sure that's not coffee? - Positive. My family? - Are you sure that's not coffee? - Positive. My family?
1175 01:39:24,084 01:39:28,631 I was driving down and Helen asked me to stop by and ask you-- I was driving down and Helen asked me to stop by and ask you--
1176 01:39:28,881 01:39:32,009 She did? I'm glad she did... She did? I'm glad she did...
1177 01:39:32,301 01:39:34,553 ...because I wanna talk to you. ...because I wanna talk to you.
1178 01:39:34,803 01:39:37,765 What's the matter, Dickie-boy? What's the matter, Dickie-boy?
1179 01:39:37,973 01:39:42,561 You think you're pretty fancy with the blinkers on the horses. You think you're pretty fancy with the blinkers on the horses.
1180 01:39:42,811 01:39:45,230 What blinkers? What horses? What blinkers? What horses?
1181 01:39:45,481 01:39:48,817 And no driver and no other people. And no driver and no other people.
1182 01:39:49,109 01:39:52,404 - You drunk or something? - No, I'm not drunk. - You drunk or something? - No, I'm not drunk.
1183 01:39:52,613 01:39:57,159 - You took Helen on a hayride. - No, in fact, I didn't. - You took Helen on a hayride. - No, in fact, I didn't.
1184 01:39:57,409 01:40:01,288 She went with the other people. And it was like a bus. She went with the other people. And it was like a bus.
1185 01:40:01,538 01:40:05,167 - That's your story. - I have terrible hay fever. - That's your story. - I have terrible hay fever.
1186 01:40:05,417 01:40:08,087 I've had it ever since the Army. I've had it ever since the Army.
1187 01:40:08,295 01:40:13,092 This doctor took a wad of cotton. He went in and down-- This doctor took a wad of cotton. He went in and down--
1188 01:40:13,342 01:40:17,888 In and down. "inwardly, downwardly pulsating! In and down. "inwardly, downwardly pulsating!
1189 01:40:18,138 01:40:23,435 Now together, ending and unending! Now, now!" I know all about it. Now together, ending and unending! Now, now!" I know all about it.
1190 01:40:23,727 01:40:25,354 - You're drunk. - Get out! - You're drunk. - Get out!
1191 01:40:25,604 01:40:28,899 - If Helen sent you to get a divorce-- - Divorce? - If Helen sent you to get a divorce-- - Divorce?
1192 01:40:29,149 01:40:31,485 I absolutely refuse! I absolutely refuse!
1193 01:40:31,777 01:40:35,989 - She sent me for the paddle. - I'll fight it in every court! - She sent me for the paddle. - I'll fight it in every court!
1194 01:40:36,240 01:40:40,285 I can explain the stairs, the blond in the kitchen. I can explain the stairs, the blond in the kitchen.
1195 01:40:40,536 01:40:45,708 - Wait, what blond in the kitchen? - Wouldn't you like to know? - Wait, what blond in the kitchen? - Wouldn't you like to know?
1196 01:40:45,916 01:40:48,168 Maybe it's Marilyn Monroe! Maybe it's Marilyn Monroe!
1197 01:40:48,794 01:40:52,381 Blind, stinking drunk at 8:30 in the morning! Blind, stinking drunk at 8:30 in the morning!
1198 01:40:52,631 01:40:57,177 I'll get six lawyers, I'll bribe judges, but no divorce! I'll get six lawyers, I'll bribe judges, but no divorce!
1199 01:40:57,386 01:41:01,056 Listen to me. Helen does not want a divorce! Listen to me. Helen does not want a divorce!
1200 01:41:01,306 01:41:05,060 All she wants is Ricky's paddle! All she wants is Ricky's paddle!
1201 01:41:06,395 01:41:10,274 - Ricky's paddle? - The other kids are out on the lake. - Ricky's paddle? - The other kids are out on the lake.
1202 01:41:10,566 01:41:15,487 But Ricky has to stay on the dock. You wouldn't send his paddle! But Ricky has to stay on the dock. You wouldn't send his paddle!
1203 01:41:15,779 01:41:20,284 If anybody is gonna take Ricky's paddle back... If anybody is gonna take Ricky's paddle back...
1204 01:41:20,534 01:41:22,327 ...I'm gonna take it back. ...I'm gonna take it back.
1205 01:41:22,578 01:41:25,581 And I've got a good mind to punch you. And I've got a good mind to punch you.
1206 01:41:25,831 01:41:29,001 - Why? - Because you're a love you. - Why? - Because you're a love you.
1207 01:41:29,293 01:41:33,797 Strutting around in your vest with that I'm-so-handsome look. Strutting around in your vest with that I'm-so-handsome look.
1208 01:41:34,047 01:41:38,552 - Let me tell you, Helen loves me. - Sure, she loves you! - Let me tell you, Helen loves me. - Sure, she loves you!
1209 01:41:38,802 01:41:43,307 She loves me because I'm sweet and gentle and worried... She loves me because I'm sweet and gentle and worried...
1210 01:41:43,557 01:41:46,727 ...and nervous and shy and tender! ...and nervous and shy and tender!
1211 01:41:55,778 01:41:57,446 Breakfast is ready. Breakfast is ready.
1212 01:41:59,907 01:42:03,118 - Anybody you know? - Meet Tom MacKenzie. - Anybody you know? - Meet Tom MacKenzie.
1213 01:42:03,368 01:42:06,705 - How do you do? - He came for Ricky's paddle. - How do you do? - He came for Ricky's paddle.
1214 01:42:06,955 01:42:11,502 - I'm taking it to him. - Is this a good time to pick up the--? - I'm taking it to him. - Is this a good time to pick up the--?
1215 01:42:11,794 01:42:15,255 - I wish I was dead. - Wait a minute, Kruhulik. - I wish I was dead. - Wait a minute, Kruhulik.
1216 01:42:15,464 01:42:19,051 If you wanna pick up something, pick up this. If you wanna pick up something, pick up this.
1217 01:42:19,343 01:42:22,137 What do you want me to do with him? What do you want me to do with him?
1218 01:42:22,387 01:42:27,267 I don't care. Put him in mothballs. Just get him out of here. I don't care. Put him in mothballs. Just get him out of here.
1219 01:42:27,518 01:42:30,896 Boy, I'm telling you, lug the fat poodle... Boy, I'm telling you, lug the fat poodle...
1220 01:42:31,146 01:42:34,316 ...lug the tomato plant, now lug this. ...lug the tomato plant, now lug this.
1221 01:42:34,566 01:42:39,154 I'll be glad when the wives get home and things settle down. I'll be glad when the wives get home and things settle down.
1222 01:42:40,364 01:42:43,951 The 8:47, I can still make the 8:47. The 8:47, I can still make the 8:47.
1223 01:42:44,201 01:42:46,662 I can't stay for breakfast, I'm sorry. I can't stay for breakfast, I'm sorry.
1224 01:42:46,912 01:42:48,872 Don't ever be sorry. Don't ever be sorry.
1225 01:42:49,122 01:42:51,875 Do me a favor. Call Brady & Company. Do me a favor. Call Brady & Company.
1226 01:42:52,125 01:42:57,756 Tell Mr. Brady I'm taking two weeks off, whether he likes it or not. Tell Mr. Brady I'm taking two weeks off, whether he likes it or not.
1227 01:42:59,174 01:43:02,719 Why don't you stay here? You've got your own duplex. Why don't you stay here? You've got your own duplex.
1228 01:43:02,970 01:43:06,139 Big, tall martinis, air conditioning. Big, tall martinis, air conditioning.
1229 01:43:06,390 01:43:10,644 - Thank you. - Well, I guess that's all. - Thank you. - Well, I guess that's all.
1230 01:43:11,270 01:43:13,313 - Just one more thing. - What? - Just one more thing. - What?
1231 01:43:13,522 01:43:16,358 I have a message for your wife. I have a message for your wife.
1232 01:43:24,575 01:43:26,368 Don't wipe it off. Don't wipe it off.
1233 01:43:26,577 01:43:28,787 If she thinks it's cranberries... If she thinks it's cranberries...
1234 01:43:28,996 01:43:32,583 ...tell her she's got cherry pits in her head. ...tell her she's got cherry pits in her head.
1235 01:43:34,585 01:43:35,836 Wait! Wait!
1236 01:43:42,718 01:43:44,177 Hey! Hey!