# Start End Original Translated
1 00:00:19,240 00:00:24,240 Subtitles by explosiveskull www.OpenSubtitles.org Subtitles by explosiveskull www.OpenSubtitles.org
2 00:00:31,824 00:00:33,860 Most movies... You ever talk about a movie Most movies... You ever talk about a movie
3 00:00:33,893 00:00:36,929 with someone that happens to have read the book? with someone that happens to have read the book?
4 00:00:36,963 00:00:38,196 They're always so condescending. They're always so condescending.
5 00:00:38,230 00:00:41,400 "Oh, the book was much better." "Oh, the book was much better."
6 00:00:41,433 00:00:44,804 "Oh, really? What I enjoyed about the movie... no reading." "Oh, really? What I enjoyed about the movie... no reading."
7 00:00:47,006 00:00:48,875 I'm thinking about getting a pet. I'm thinking about getting a pet.
8 00:00:48,908 00:00:51,209 I'mma get a dog. You know, that's what I'mma get. I'mma get a dog. You know, that's what I'mma get.
9 00:00:51,243 00:00:54,312 I don't like cats. I don't... Cats don't do anything. I don't like cats. I don't... Cats don't do anything.
10 00:00:54,346 00:00:57,750 They don't... They don't have any responsibilities. They don't... They don't have any responsibilities.
11 00:00:57,784 00:01:01,286 No, really, come on, you never heard of a guard cat. No, really, come on, you never heard of a guard cat.
12 00:01:01,319 00:01:03,355 Or a bomb-sniffing cat. Or a bomb-sniffing cat.
13 00:01:03,388 00:01:05,457 Or a seeing-eye cat. Or a seeing-eye cat.
14 00:01:17,870 00:01:22,541 Pop Tarts... Can there be a simpler food item? Pop Tarts... Can there be a simpler food item?
15 00:01:22,574 00:01:24,576 Directions on Pop Tarts. Like, if they weren't there, Directions on Pop Tarts. Like, if they weren't there,
16 00:01:24,609 00:01:26,012 would somebody, like, put the box down? would somebody, like, put the box down?
17 00:01:26,045 00:01:28,681 "What? I... "What? I...
18 00:01:28,715 00:01:31,684 How do I get that goodness in me?" How do I get that goodness in me?"
19 00:01:33,753 00:01:37,556 I told my mother when I was 14 I wanted to be a comedian. I told my mother when I was 14 I wanted to be a comedian.
20 00:01:37,589 00:01:42,461 And she said, "Oh, maybe it's better if you just die." And she said, "Oh, maybe it's better if you just die."
21 00:01:42,494 00:01:43,896 I like Italian delis. I like Italian delis.
22 00:01:43,930 00:01:45,832 There's just no options. There's just no options.
23 00:01:45,865 00:01:48,868 It just says sandwich. It just says sandwich.
24 00:01:48,901 00:01:50,602 And there's a guy in there cutting the meat. And there's a guy in there cutting the meat.
25 00:01:50,636 00:01:54,339 "It's going to be good." "It's going to be good."
26 00:01:56,642 00:01:58,477 You know, when you get older, you don't know you older You know, when you get older, you don't know you older
27 00:01:58,510 00:02:00,278 because the old stuff just happen to you. because the old stuff just happen to you.
28 00:02:00,312 00:02:02,447 Like, you be pouring cereal and your knee will go out. Like, you be pouring cereal and your knee will go out.
29 00:02:02,481 00:02:03,983 You'll go, "Oh." You'll go, "Oh."
30 00:02:08,821 00:02:10,589 I was bullied when I was a little kid. I was bullied when I was a little kid.
31 00:02:10,622 00:02:14,493 I was bullied when I was in school for being Asian-American. I was bullied when I was in school for being Asian-American.
32 00:02:14,526 00:02:17,997 The biggest problem with that is that I am not Asian-American. The biggest problem with that is that I am not Asian-American.
33 00:02:20,800 00:02:21,968 I feel like I'm I feel like I'm
34 00:02:22,001 00:02:24,871 a reasonably intelligent human being. a reasonably intelligent human being.
35 00:02:24,904 00:02:28,708 And I'd say it probably took me about six years And I'd say it probably took me about six years
36 00:02:28,741 00:02:31,576 to realize that will.i.am to realize that will.i.am
37 00:02:31,610 00:02:36,381 was just William with dots in it. was just William with dots in it.
38 00:02:36,414 00:02:38,017 Anyone else have that same... Anyone else have that same...
39 00:02:38,050 00:02:41,788 I feel like half of you right now are like, "Oh, my God. I feel like half of you right now are like, "Oh, my God.
40 00:02:41,821 00:02:43,956 It's William with dots in it." It's William with dots in it."
41 00:02:43,990 00:02:46,926 It's the little things we miss. It's the little things we miss.
42 00:02:54,366 00:02:55,467 Emcee: Alright, guys, we're gonna Emcee: Alright, guys, we're gonna
43 00:02:55,500 00:02:57,069 keep the comedy rolling here. keep the comedy rolling here.
44 00:02:57,103 00:02:59,071 But just reminder, we got 25-cent wings But just reminder, we got 25-cent wings
45 00:02:59,105 00:03:00,873 for the next 30 minutes for the next 30 minutes
46 00:03:00,907 00:03:02,909 and beer buckets till 10:00. and beer buckets till 10:00.
47 00:03:02,942 00:03:06,344 Next up is one of my favorites here at the open mic. Next up is one of my favorites here at the open mic.
48 00:03:06,378 00:03:10,448 Put your hands together for Will Chu. Put your hands together for Will Chu.
49 00:03:11,951 00:03:13,719 Every time I go to a Chinese restaurant, Every time I go to a Chinese restaurant,
50 00:03:13,753 00:03:15,121 this is what all of my friends do to me. this is what all of my friends do to me.
51 00:03:15,154 00:03:18,623 They're like, "Will, Will, order in Mandarin. They're like, "Will, Will, order in Mandarin.
52 00:03:18,658 00:03:20,126 It's gonna sound hilarious. It's gonna sound hilarious.
53 00:03:20,159 00:03:22,427 Order in Mandarin, bro. They got to hook it up." Order in Mandarin, bro. They got to hook it up."
54 00:03:22,460 00:03:24,931 I'm like, "Bro, we're in Panda Express. I'm like, "Bro, we're in Panda Express.
55 00:03:24,964 00:03:27,432 Her name tag says Consuela on it. Her name tag says Consuela on it.
56 00:03:27,465 00:03:29,669 I don't think that's a Mandarin name. I don't think that's a Mandarin name.
57 00:03:29,702 00:03:32,370 Like, what do you expect, if I order in Mandarin Like, what do you expect, if I order in Mandarin
58 00:03:32,404 00:03:34,640 some ninja's going to pop up from behind the kitchens some ninja's going to pop up from behind the kitchens
59 00:03:34,674 00:03:37,609 just like, 'Poof, here's your Kung Pao panda penis'"? just like, 'Poof, here's your Kung Pao panda penis'"?
60 00:03:37,643 00:03:38,978 You know? You know?
61 00:03:39,011 00:03:40,713 I took this tall girl to a concert, right? I took this tall girl to a concert, right?
62 00:03:40,746 00:03:42,982 I couldn't see anything, so I was miserable. I couldn't see anything, so I was miserable.
63 00:03:43,015 00:03:44,784 I couldn't see anything. I couldn't see anything.
64 00:03:44,817 00:03:47,053 So I just looked up at her. I'm like, "Hey, pick me up." So I just looked up at her. I'm like, "Hey, pick me up."
65 00:03:50,790 00:03:54,660 People are using their phone for everything except as a phone. People are using their phone for everything except as a phone.
66 00:03:54,694 00:03:56,394 You have to text now. You have to text now.
67 00:03:56,428 00:04:01,100 I was okay with emojis because it used to be yellow. I was okay with emojis because it used to be yellow.
68 00:04:01,133 00:04:03,401 And I was pretty okay with that. And I was pretty okay with that.
69 00:04:03,435 00:04:05,671 It should just stay that way. It should just stay that way.
70 00:04:05,705 00:04:07,874 Now they have like five shades of different colors, right? Now they have like five shades of different colors, right?
71 00:04:07,907 00:04:09,541 It's confusing. It's confusing.
72 00:04:09,574 00:04:11,711 I was trying to text my black friend a thumbs up. I was trying to text my black friend a thumbs up.
73 00:04:11,744 00:04:13,612 I wasn't sure if I should text him my thumbs up I wasn't sure if I should text him my thumbs up
74 00:04:13,646 00:04:14,747 or his thumbs up. or his thumbs up.
75 00:04:14,780 00:04:16,615 I never texted him back. I never texted him back.
76 00:04:16,649 00:04:18,918 Thank you, guys, that's my time. I'm Will Chu. Thank you, guys, that's my time. I'm Will Chu.
77 00:04:21,821 00:04:24,456 Keep it going. Yeah. Keep it going. Yeah.
78 00:04:24,489 00:04:26,125 Good job. Good job.
79 00:04:26,158 00:04:28,160 Thank you for waiting it out. Thank you for waiting it out.
80 00:04:28,194 00:04:29,862 I got some jokes for you. I got some jokes for you.
81 00:04:29,896 00:04:32,999 You ever notice how long a giraffe's neck is? You ever notice how long a giraffe's neck is?
82 00:04:33,032 00:04:37,203 - Yeah? - Giraffe scarfs. - Yeah? - Giraffe scarfs.
83 00:04:37,236 00:04:39,972 Sore throats. You use that. It's cute. Sore throats. You use that. It's cute.
84 00:04:40,006 00:04:42,108 I'll... I'll try it out. I'll... I'll try it out.
85 00:04:42,141 00:04:44,476 Oh, God, I'm full. Oh, God, I'm full.
86 00:04:44,509 00:04:46,712 Thanks for coming. Thanks for coming.
87 00:04:46,746 00:04:48,147 - Hey, Quinn. - Dude. - Hey, Quinn. - Dude.
88 00:04:48,180 00:04:49,715 Dude, love your bringer. Dude, love your bringer.
89 00:04:49,749 00:04:51,183 What retirement home did you get him from? What retirement home did you get him from?
90 00:04:51,217 00:04:53,551 It's gotten so bad I have to invite my neighbors. It's gotten so bad I have to invite my neighbors.
91 00:04:53,585 00:04:56,621 I'm so sick of asking people to pay to come watch me. I'm so sick of asking people to pay to come watch me.
92 00:04:56,656 00:04:58,658 I wish I was doing "The Tonight Show," I wish I was doing "The Tonight Show,"
93 00:04:58,691 00:05:00,760 but you gotta keep working to take a bigger shot. but you gotta keep working to take a bigger shot.
94 00:05:00,793 00:05:03,162 - And here we are. - Emcee: Show him some love. - And here we are. - Emcee: Show him some love.
95 00:05:03,195 00:05:04,897 Watch me destroy. Watch me destroy.
96 00:05:07,934 00:05:10,169 What's up, what's up, what's up? Make some noise. What's up, what's up, what's up? Make some noise.
97 00:05:10,202 00:05:12,238 Keep it going for Will. Keep it going for Will.
98 00:05:12,271 00:05:14,240 Your bringer didn't pay his tab. Your bringer didn't pay his tab.
99 00:05:14,273 00:05:15,741 Are you serious? Are you serious?
100 00:05:15,775 00:05:18,110 Yeah. And don't run the light again. Yeah. And don't run the light again.
101 00:05:18,144 00:05:19,611 ...Asian doctor. ...Asian doctor.
102 00:05:19,645 00:05:21,247 I've never seen an Asian vet. I've never seen an Asian vet.
103 00:05:26,252 00:05:27,687 How was school? How was school?
104 00:05:27,720 00:05:29,789 Getting them to dissect frogs was fun. Getting them to dissect frogs was fun.
105 00:05:29,822 00:05:32,457 Getting them to wash their hands was not. Getting them to wash their hands was not.
106 00:05:39,632 00:05:42,234 Yo, that's my ranch, right? Yo, that's my ranch, right?
107 00:05:42,268 00:05:44,136 Yes. Yes.
108 00:05:44,170 00:05:48,007 They asked if you wanted a side of ranch and you said no, right? They asked if you wanted a side of ranch and you said no, right?
109 00:05:48,040 00:05:49,141 Yes. Yes.
110 00:05:49,175 00:05:52,745 Then why are you using my ranch? Then why are you using my ranch?
111 00:05:52,778 00:05:54,914 I knew you would get a side of ranch so I didn't have to. I knew you would get a side of ranch so I didn't have to.
112 00:05:54,947 00:05:57,950 You are frugal. Like a old Chinese woman. You are frugal. Like a old Chinese woman.
113 00:05:59,919 00:06:01,954 Speaking of which, I ordered us Speaking of which, I ordered us
114 00:06:01,988 00:06:04,690 the 42-ounce bag of Cool Ranch Doritos. the 42-ounce bag of Cool Ranch Doritos.
115 00:06:04,724 00:06:06,926 Why didn't you just buy four 10-ounce bags? Why didn't you just buy four 10-ounce bags?
116 00:06:06,959 00:06:09,028 - How is that a fun Instagram? - Doing it for the Gram. - How is that a fun Instagram? - Doing it for the Gram.
117 00:06:09,061 00:06:12,298 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
118 00:06:12,331 00:06:17,069 Hey, I just want to say I really enjoy my time with you. Hey, I just want to say I really enjoy my time with you.
119 00:06:17,103 00:06:18,671 You make me laugh. You make me laugh.
120 00:06:18,704 00:06:21,073 It's nice to know we're moving forward together. It's nice to know we're moving forward together.
121 00:06:21,107 00:06:23,275 I agree. I agree.
122 00:06:26,312 00:06:28,647 Not only are you gorgeous, Not only are you gorgeous,
123 00:06:28,681 00:06:31,017 but I love that you eat like an eighth grader. but I love that you eat like an eighth grader.
124 00:06:40,760 00:06:42,294 - Comedy Cellar. - Hi. I'm calling - Comedy Cellar. - Hi. I'm calling
125 00:06:42,328 00:06:44,562 in regards to auditioning to becoming a regular. in regards to auditioning to becoming a regular.
126 00:06:44,596 00:06:45,931 You have to have two recommendations You have to have two recommendations
127 00:06:45,965 00:06:47,700 from two existing regulars. Who are they? from two existing regulars. Who are they?
128 00:06:47,733 00:06:49,135 - Two existing? - Look, I got to go. - Two existing? - Look, I got to go.
129 00:06:49,168 00:06:51,704 Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello?
130 00:06:51,737 00:06:54,774 Hey, Gary, can I borrow a pen? Hey, Gary, can I borrow a pen?
131 00:06:58,177 00:07:01,347 Boom. What's going on with that windshield claim? Boom. What's going on with that windshield claim?
132 00:07:01,380 00:07:02,748 I was trying to wrap it up. I was trying to wrap it up.
133 00:07:02,782 00:07:04,350 Wrong. Wrong.
134 00:07:04,383 00:07:07,887 Do or do not. There is no... Do or do not. There is no...
135 00:07:07,920 00:07:11,257 - T-There is no...? - There is no try. - T-There is no...? - There is no try.
136 00:07:11,290 00:07:14,727 Try. Yoda. "Empire Strikes Back." Try. Yoda. "Empire Strikes Back."
137 00:07:14,760 00:07:16,762 Looking good there, Gary. Looking good there, Gary.
138 00:07:18,931 00:07:22,301 Yeah. Getting dirty today. I love it. Yeah. Getting dirty today. I love it.
139 00:07:22,334 00:07:24,303 I just got a six-car pileup in from Indy. I just got a six-car pileup in from Indy.
140 00:07:24,336 00:07:26,939 It's a mess. It's a mess. So that's been expedited, It's a mess. It's a mess. So that's been expedited,
141 00:07:26,972 00:07:28,808 which means you're getting it expedited. which means you're getting it expedited.
142 00:07:28,841 00:07:31,811 So I'm going to need these folders ASAP. So I'm going to need these folders ASAP.
143 00:07:31,844 00:07:34,180 Oh, and, Will, remember I want all this stuff Oh, and, Will, remember I want all this stuff
144 00:07:34,213 00:07:36,816 in Times New Roman at 14 point. in Times New Roman at 14 point.
145 00:07:48,694 00:07:51,197 I'm trying to get my set ready to audition. I'm trying to get my set ready to audition.
146 00:07:51,230 00:07:54,300 - Right. So, what's your plan? - I don't know. - Right. So, what's your plan? - I don't know.
147 00:07:54,333 00:07:56,368 It's hard to get stage time with no credits. It's hard to get stage time with no credits.
148 00:07:56,402 00:07:58,838 I've been looking for options other than Mickey's. I've been looking for options other than Mickey's.
149 00:07:58,871 00:08:00,206 There just hasn't been anything. There just hasn't been anything.
150 00:08:06,979 00:08:08,647 Sorry, Quinn is texting me. Sorry, Quinn is texting me.
151 00:08:08,681 00:08:10,716 He's at the open mic and he said it's packed. He's at the open mic and he said it's packed.
152 00:08:10,749 00:08:13,419 It's packed? You should go. It's packed? You should go.
153 00:08:13,452 00:08:15,955 Here you go. Thanks. Here you go. Thanks.
154 00:08:15,988 00:08:20,893 Oh, great choice. This is my favorite bear. Oh, great choice. This is my favorite bear.
155 00:08:20,926 00:08:23,095 It's nice to see someone happy at work. It's nice to see someone happy at work.
156 00:08:23,129 00:08:25,865 You know, when I think about my job, the only silver lining You know, when I think about my job, the only silver lining
157 00:08:25,898 00:08:29,101 is I can't possibly hang myself in the cubicle. is I can't possibly hang myself in the cubicle.
158 00:08:29,135 00:08:30,970 - Not funny. - Well, I thought about it. - Not funny. - Well, I thought about it.
159 00:08:31,003 00:08:33,038 With three walls, you actually can't. With three walls, you actually can't.
160 00:08:33,072 00:08:34,940 - Hey. - Okay, but all I'm saying - Hey. - Okay, but all I'm saying
161 00:08:34,974 00:08:37,276 is I don't think my mother and father came here and sacrificed is I don't think my mother and father came here and sacrificed
162 00:08:37,309 00:08:40,246 so I can end up shorting people on insurance claims. so I can end up shorting people on insurance claims.
163 00:08:40,279 00:08:41,947 I want to be a working comic. I want to be a working comic.
164 00:08:41,981 00:08:44,383 Basically I look at the road ahead of me right now Basically I look at the road ahead of me right now
165 00:08:44,416 00:08:45,951 and it's in a cubicle selling things and it's in a cubicle selling things
166 00:08:45,985 00:08:47,253 I don't believe in. I don't believe in.
167 00:08:47,286 00:08:48,787 I'd rather see my name on the marquee, I'd rather see my name on the marquee,
168 00:08:48,821 00:08:50,923 something I can get excited about. something I can get excited about.
169 00:08:50,956 00:08:54,026 And enjoy, you know? Something I'm proud of. And enjoy, you know? Something I'm proud of.
170 00:08:54,059 00:08:56,962 Oh, for an additional $6, you can get this put in. Oh, for an additional $6, you can get this put in.
171 00:08:56,996 00:08:59,265 $6? Does it have Bluetooth? $6? Does it have Bluetooth?
172 00:09:02,868 00:09:05,070 I tell you, my girlfriend caught me the other day. I tell you, my girlfriend caught me the other day.
173 00:09:05,104 00:09:07,473 Caught me the other... just, you know what, it's just... Caught me the other... just, you know what, it's just...
174 00:09:07,506 00:09:09,441 She just caught me. I'm secure about it. She just caught me. I'm secure about it.
175 00:09:09,475 00:09:13,779 You just gotta keep your cool. Just do this, alright? You just gotta keep your cool. Just do this, alright?
176 00:09:13,812 00:09:15,915 "You're next, bitch. "You're next, bitch.
177 00:09:15,948 00:09:17,850 You like that? You like that?" You like that? You like that?"
178 00:09:17,883 00:09:19,084 Yes, and ladies, I know it's small. Yes, and ladies, I know it's small.
179 00:09:19,118 00:09:20,853 Joey. Joey. Joey. Joey.
180 00:09:20,886 00:09:23,222 But it's how the pencil writes, bitch, alright? But it's how the pencil writes, bitch, alright?
181 00:09:23,255 00:09:26,091 Mine can write in cursive, alright? Calligraphy. Mine can write in cursive, alright? Calligraphy.
182 00:09:26,125 00:09:29,395 Hey. Thank you. So, Quinn wrote my name down earlier. Hey. Thank you. So, Quinn wrote my name down earlier.
183 00:09:29,428 00:09:30,829 When can I get on? When can I get on?
184 00:09:30,863 00:09:33,299 Well, I'm not making any promises. Well, I'm not making any promises.
185 00:09:33,332 00:09:37,770 Sometimes I think maybe you light me just a little early. Sometimes I think maybe you light me just a little early.
186 00:09:37,803 00:09:39,838 Well, that's when it's not going well. Well, that's when it's not going well.
187 00:09:39,872 00:09:41,307 That's how you can tell that. That's how you can tell that.
188 00:09:41,340 00:09:43,042 You're going to get a light at two minutes, You're going to get a light at two minutes,
189 00:09:43,075 00:09:44,376 and then you're going to get another light. and then you're going to get another light.
190 00:09:44,410 00:09:46,812 And the second light means get off the stage. And the second light means get off the stage.
191 00:09:46,845 00:09:48,113 Can I go up soon? Can I go up soon?
192 00:09:48,147 00:09:50,115 Keep it going for Quinn, y'all. Keep it going for Quinn, y'all.
193 00:09:50,149 00:09:51,750 Good set, Quinn. Good set, Quinn.
194 00:09:51,784 00:09:53,018 -Hey, thanks, pal. -Hey, thanks, pal.
195 00:09:53,052 00:09:56,222 Hey. Oh, that was so good. Hey. Oh, that was so good.
196 00:09:56,255 00:09:58,390 Aren't you just the cutest little thing? Aren't you just the cutest little thing?
197 00:09:58,424 00:10:03,996 Oh, well, this cute little thing is a big bad boy. Oh, well, this cute little thing is a big bad boy.
198 00:10:04,029 00:10:07,166 With needs that are adult like a careless whisper With needs that are adult like a careless whisper
199 00:10:07,199 00:10:09,001 - and some booze. - Okay. - and some booze. - Okay.
200 00:10:09,034 00:10:12,204 Do you boys want to come join us for '80s night at the Tavern? Do you boys want to come join us for '80s night at the Tavern?
201 00:10:12,238 00:10:15,074 Oh, want to? Yeah. Dude, we'd love to. Oh, want to? Yeah. Dude, we'd love to.
202 00:10:15,107 00:10:17,476 No, no, I got to hang out until my set. No, no, I got to hang out until my set.
203 00:10:17,509 00:10:19,044 - But thanks. - Aww. - But thanks. - Aww.
204 00:10:19,078 00:10:21,480 What a card. Swipe left. What a card. Swipe left.
205 00:10:21,513 00:10:25,251 Well, nice meeting you. Let's go sit. Well, nice meeting you. Let's go sit.
206 00:10:25,284 00:10:27,219 Are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me?
207 00:10:27,253 00:10:28,354 Look at these two. Look at these two.
208 00:10:28,387 00:10:31,957 Quinn, I got a girlfriend. Quinn, I got a girlfriend.
209 00:10:31,991 00:10:35,394 Full disclosure, I can't close without you, okay? Full disclosure, I can't close without you, okay?
210 00:10:35,427 00:10:38,197 It's like wherever Laverne goes, Shirley follows. It's like wherever Laverne goes, Shirley follows.
211 00:10:38,230 00:10:39,498 Dude, I need you. Dude, I need you.
212 00:10:39,531 00:10:41,800 Okay, okay, I see where this is going. Okay, okay, I see where this is going.
213 00:10:41,834 00:10:43,836 Why don't you just get one of the Joeys to be your wingman? Why don't you just get one of the Joeys to be your wingman?
214 00:10:43,869 00:10:46,238 Go fuck yourself. No, dude, those fucking jabronis? Go fuck yourself. No, dude, those fucking jabronis?
215 00:10:46,272 00:10:47,573 Look at that guy. Look at that guy.
216 00:10:47,606 00:10:49,041 Dude, dude, neither of them have money, Dude, dude, neither of them have money,
217 00:10:49,074 00:10:50,409 and I'll end up paying for their drinks. and I'll end up paying for their drinks.
218 00:10:50,442 00:10:52,177 Plus I'm pretty sure they do a lot of coke, Plus I'm pretty sure they do a lot of coke,
219 00:10:52,211 00:10:53,512 which I can't afford. which I can't afford.
220 00:10:53,545 00:10:56,015 So please hang out with me for one beer. So please hang out with me for one beer.
221 00:10:56,048 00:10:59,518 - Joey. - Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. - Joey. - Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.
222 00:10:59,551 00:11:01,120 - Hey Quinn. - Hey, dawg. - Hey Quinn. - Hey, dawg.
223 00:11:01,153 00:11:03,022 Hey. Spot me a brewski? Hey. Spot me a brewski?
224 00:11:03,055 00:11:05,491 - Yeah, sure, dawg. Sure. - Oh, hey. - Yeah, sure, dawg. Sure. - Oh, hey.
225 00:11:05,524 00:11:07,559 You girls like blow? You girls like blow?
226 00:11:07,593 00:11:13,299 Would you rather drink a bucket of human feces or not? Would you rather drink a bucket of human feces or not?
227 00:11:13,332 00:11:15,334 Which one would you choose? Which one would you choose?
228 00:11:15,367 00:11:17,403 Hey, Mickey, what time is my... Hey, Mickey, what time is my...
229 00:11:17,436 00:11:19,071 - Hey, Joey? - Hey, what's up, Joey? - Hey, Joey? - Hey, what's up, Joey?
230 00:11:19,104 00:11:21,273 Hey, a Jew and an Italian go into business together. Hey, a Jew and an Italian go into business together.
231 00:11:21,307 00:11:23,242 - Uh-oh. - Who loses? - Uh-oh. - Who loses?
232 00:11:23,275 00:11:24,343 I don't know. Who? I don't know. Who?
233 00:11:24,376 00:11:26,145 - The government. - Oh, come on. - The government. - Oh, come on.
234 00:11:26,178 00:11:27,913 Hey, Mick, so when can I get on? Hey, Mick, so when can I get on?
235 00:11:27,946 00:11:29,515 I'm looking at this right now, I'm looking at this right now,
236 00:11:29,548 00:11:31,884 and I don't see that anybody gave your name at the door. and I don't see that anybody gave your name at the door.
237 00:11:31,917 00:11:35,154 You know the deal. Two paying customers to see you, You know the deal. Two paying customers to see you,
238 00:11:35,187 00:11:37,022 and then you get to do five minutes. and then you get to do five minutes.
239 00:11:37,056 00:11:39,124 Mickey, I'm running out of friends. Mickey, I'm running out of friends.
240 00:11:39,158 00:11:40,926 Not my problem. Not my problem.
241 00:11:40,959 00:11:41,927 I'll bring four people next week I'll bring four people next week
242 00:11:41,960 00:11:43,630 if you just give me a few minutes on stage. if you just give me a few minutes on stage.
243 00:11:43,663 00:11:45,264 Will, if I make an exception for you, Will, if I make an exception for you,
244 00:11:45,297 00:11:47,333 then I have to make an exception for everybody else then I have to make an exception for everybody else
245 00:11:47,366 00:11:49,368 that wanders in and goes, "I don't have any friends. that wanders in and goes, "I don't have any friends.
246 00:11:49,401 00:11:52,037 - I don't have any friends." - Mickey, Mickey, I promise. - I don't have any friends." - Mickey, Mickey, I promise.
247 00:11:52,071 00:11:54,173 Four people. Please. Four people. Please.
248 00:11:54,206 00:11:56,075 To you, this is a show. To you, this is a show.
249 00:11:56,108 00:11:58,277 To me, this is a business. To me, this is a business.
250 00:11:58,310 00:11:59,646 Please? Please?
251 00:11:59,679 00:12:01,180 No. No.
252 00:12:05,685 00:12:07,086 You guys ready to rock? You guys ready to rock?
253 00:12:12,257 00:12:14,960 This microphone needs Viagra. What? This microphone needs Viagra. What?
254 00:12:18,297 00:12:19,498 What clubs have you played? What clubs have you played?
255 00:12:19,531 00:12:21,066 Just open mics. Just open mics.
256 00:12:21,100 00:12:22,901 You don't have any credits, I can't book you. You don't have any credits, I can't book you.
257 00:12:22,935 00:12:24,903 I can't get credits if I can't get up. I can't get credits if I can't get up.
258 00:12:59,138 00:13:00,406 Jose. Jose.
259 00:13:00,439 00:13:02,975 Can you turn down the music, please? Can you turn down the music, please?
260 00:13:09,248 00:13:10,449 Rockview Insurance, may I help you? Rockview Insurance, may I help you?
261 00:13:10,482 00:13:13,686 No, I understand. No, I understand.
262 00:13:13,720 00:13:15,454 Yes, Mr. Kominsky. Yes, Mr. Kominsky.
263 00:13:15,487 00:13:17,222 Did you get me these pens? Did you get me these pens?
264 00:13:20,292 00:13:22,561 We have all the information we need. We have all the information we need.
265 00:13:22,594 00:13:24,530 Okay, you want to talk to a supervisor? Okay, you want to talk to a supervisor?
266 00:13:24,563 00:13:26,231 Yeah, that's not a problem. Yeah, that's not a problem.
267 00:13:32,538 00:13:36,341 I never win. I never win.
268 00:13:50,189 00:13:52,624 Don't stop. Don't stop.
269 00:13:52,659 00:13:54,293 Don't stop? Don't stop?
270 00:13:54,326 00:13:55,628 Believing. Believing.
271 00:13:55,662 00:13:59,331 Hanford, California, Steven Perry... Journey. Hanford, California, Steven Perry... Journey.
272 00:14:02,201 00:14:04,303 Round two of the sushi. Ciao. Round two of the sushi. Ciao.
273 00:14:11,076 00:14:19,686 Yo, fuck faaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... wait for it... aace. Yo, fuck faaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... wait for it... aace.
274 00:14:19,719 00:14:21,654 Well, number one, go fuck yourself. Well, number one, go fuck yourself.
275 00:14:21,688 00:14:23,589 The Joeys ruined everything, The Joeys ruined everything,
276 00:14:23,622 00:14:27,159 and now they owe me 85 bucks I'll never see again. and now they owe me 85 bucks I'll never see again.
277 00:14:27,192 00:14:31,029 I am headed up to Detroit to open up for Steven Gold. I am headed up to Detroit to open up for Steven Gold.
278 00:14:31,063 00:14:33,633 So that means I can't emcee the Pennsylvania Improv So that means I can't emcee the Pennsylvania Improv
279 00:14:33,666 00:14:35,133 from tonight through Sunday. from tonight through Sunday.
280 00:14:35,167 00:14:36,468 So the manager asked me So the manager asked me
281 00:14:36,502 00:14:39,071 if I could recommend a comic last minute. if I could recommend a comic last minute.
282 00:14:39,104 00:14:42,709 - I said you. He said great. - Oh, wow. - I said you. He said great. - Oh, wow.
283 00:14:42,742 00:14:46,713 This is a major opportunity, alright? If you kill it... This is a major opportunity, alright? If you kill it...
284 00:14:46,746 00:14:48,648 Well, I got all these claims that I got to file. Well, I got all these claims that I got to file.
285 00:14:48,681 00:14:51,283 Chip Fontaine is a made man. Chip Fontaine is a made man.
286 00:14:51,316 00:14:53,218 He's the manager, and he books He's the manager, and he books
287 00:14:53,252 00:14:55,187 not only the Pennsylvania Improv, not only the Pennsylvania Improv,
288 00:14:55,220 00:14:56,622 but 12 more clubs. but 12 more clubs.
289 00:14:56,656 00:14:59,224 He's also a chatty Kathy, and word will get out He's also a chatty Kathy, and word will get out
290 00:14:59,258 00:15:00,793 to all the other clubs. to all the other clubs.
291 00:15:00,827 00:15:03,095 It's just like figure skating. It's a small world. It's just like figure skating. It's a small world.
292 00:15:03,128 00:15:04,563 Figure skating? Figure skating?
293 00:15:04,596 00:15:06,465 Hey, you got your childhood, I got mine, okay? Hey, you got your childhood, I got mine, okay?
294 00:15:06,498 00:15:08,400 Dude, if Chip likes you, Dude, if Chip likes you,
295 00:15:08,433 00:15:09,769 you're in the rotation and you go full-time. you're in the rotation and you go full-time.
296 00:15:09,802 00:15:11,638 You take this weekend and you get started, You take this weekend and you get started,
297 00:15:11,671 00:15:13,238 you're on your way, man. you're on your way, man.
298 00:15:13,272 00:15:15,507 - I just don't know if I'm ready. - Oh, I get it. - I just don't know if I'm ready. - Oh, I get it.
299 00:15:15,541 00:15:20,680 No, you are horribly scared and terrified and you fear failure. No, you are horribly scared and terrified and you fear failure.
300 00:15:20,713 00:15:22,849 I-I get it. I get it. I-I get it. I get it.
301 00:15:22,882 00:15:24,684 I'm not scared. I said I'm not ready. I'm not scared. I said I'm not ready.
302 00:15:24,717 00:15:26,385 There's a big difference. Okay? There's a big difference. Okay?
303 00:15:26,418 00:15:28,387 I don't wanna just take this opportunity and bomb. I don't wanna just take this opportunity and bomb.
304 00:15:28,420 00:15:30,790 I was scared too, but ever since I took the big leap, I was scared too, but ever since I took the big leap,
305 00:15:30,823 00:15:33,292 even on my worst fucking day, I thank God even on my worst fucking day, I thank God
306 00:15:33,325 00:15:36,261 I'm not selling anybody a 2012 Kia Sorento. I'm not selling anybody a 2012 Kia Sorento.
307 00:15:36,295 00:15:39,264 Chances like this don't happen every day. Chances like this don't happen every day.
308 00:15:39,298 00:15:40,800 If you don't take this shot, If you don't take this shot,
309 00:15:40,833 00:15:42,669 dude, you might as well quit stand-up dude, you might as well quit stand-up
310 00:15:42,702 00:15:45,103 and, like, remain in your cubicle and, like, remain in your cubicle
311 00:15:45,137 00:15:47,606 and your living Geico commercial. and your living Geico commercial.
312 00:15:47,640 00:15:49,207 And, well, I didn't tell you the best part. And, well, I didn't tell you the best part.
313 00:15:49,241 00:15:50,677 You'll never guess who's headlining. You'll never guess who's headlining.
314 00:15:50,710 00:15:55,414 He's literally your favorite TV star of all time. He's literally your favorite TV star of all time.
315 00:15:55,447 00:15:56,816 There's one meaningful question. There's one meaningful question.
316 00:15:56,849 00:15:58,383 Have you reached your full potential? Have you reached your full potential?
317 00:15:58,417 00:15:59,819 Don't... Don't think about it. Don't... Don't think about it.
318 00:15:59,852 00:16:01,453 Don't think about what the answer is, Don't think about what the answer is,
319 00:16:01,486 00:16:02,822 I'll tell you the answer. The answer is... I'll tell you the answer. The answer is...
320 00:16:02,855 00:16:04,456 Here are a pile of claims from the six-car pileup. Here are a pile of claims from the six-car pileup.
321 00:16:04,489 00:16:08,260 Hey, my ace in the hole. I love it, I love it. Hey, my ace in the hole. I love it, I love it.
322 00:16:08,293 00:16:10,162 Look, Barry, I got the work done Look, Barry, I got the work done
323 00:16:10,195 00:16:12,598 so I would like to take tomorrow off. so I would like to take tomorrow off.
324 00:16:13,700 00:16:15,902 Will. Will.
325 00:16:15,935 00:16:18,270 Will, Will, Will, Will, Will. Will, Will, Will, Will, Will.
326 00:16:18,303 00:16:20,472 When you reach the end of your rope, you... When you reach the end of your rope, you...
327 00:16:21,674 00:16:24,209 Uh, what are you talking about? Uh, what are you talking about?
328 00:16:24,242 00:16:27,914 When you reach the end of your rope, you...? When you reach the end of your rope, you...?
329 00:16:27,947 00:16:30,883 - You get more rope? - Wrong. - You get more rope? - Wrong.
330 00:16:30,917 00:16:32,351 When you reach the end of your rope, When you reach the end of your rope,
331 00:16:32,384 00:16:34,721 you tie it in a knot and you hang on. you tie it in a knot and you hang on.
332 00:16:34,754 00:16:36,188 It's Thomas Jefferson. It's Thomas Jefferson.
333 00:16:36,221 00:16:37,522 You should know that. You should know that.
334 00:16:37,556 00:16:39,792 I need to take tomorrow off. I need to take tomorrow off.
335 00:16:39,826 00:16:44,797 In our world, as you know, there are accidents. In our world, as you know, there are accidents.
336 00:16:44,831 00:16:46,699 We don't control them, We don't control them,
337 00:16:46,733 00:16:49,702 but we can control what we do about them. but we can control what we do about them.
338 00:16:51,838 00:16:54,741 I'm not asking you, Barry. I'm taking tomorrow off. I'm not asking you, Barry. I'm taking tomorrow off.
339 00:16:54,774 00:16:56,475 It's very important to me. It's very important to me.
340 00:16:56,508 00:16:59,746 Will, what's important to you is keeping your job. Will, what's important to you is keeping your job.
341 00:16:59,779 00:17:03,650 So let's turn the beat around, see you show up tomorrow So let's turn the beat around, see you show up tomorrow
342 00:17:03,683 00:17:05,217 with a little more passion on your face, with a little more passion on your face,
343 00:17:05,250 00:17:06,551 and knock out some of those claims. and knock out some of those claims.
344 00:17:06,585 00:17:08,620 Capiche? Capiche?
345 00:17:08,655 00:17:09,922 I won't be back tomorrow. I won't be back tomorrow.
346 00:17:12,659 00:17:14,326 I'm done. I quit. I'm done. I quit.
347 00:17:14,359 00:17:15,895 Wrong. Wrong.
348 00:17:15,928 00:17:17,562 I can't do that anymore, okay? I can't do that anymore, okay?
349 00:17:17,596 00:17:19,498 Seriously, it's over. Seriously, it's over.
350 00:17:19,531 00:17:21,701 I'm done. I quit. I'm done. I quit.
351 00:17:21,734 00:17:25,203 Hey, if you think I'm giving you a good recommendation, Hey, if you think I'm giving you a good recommendation,
352 00:17:25,237 00:17:26,471 you're crazy. you're crazy.
353 00:17:27,740 00:17:28,875 Hey, cupcake. Hey, cupcake.
354 00:17:28,908 00:17:30,375 I'm 100% in. I'm 100% in.
355 00:17:30,409 00:17:32,277 - In for what? - The gig this weekend. - In for what? - The gig this weekend.
356 00:17:32,310 00:17:33,646 Oh, my God. Sorry, dude. Oh, my God. Sorry, dude.
357 00:17:33,680 00:17:35,815 I... You made it sound like you weren't coming. I... You made it sound like you weren't coming.
358 00:17:35,848 00:17:37,516 You gotta be kidding me, right? You gotta be kidding me, right?
359 00:17:37,549 00:17:38,918 I wish you had called even just five minutes ago. I wish you had called even just five minutes ago.
360 00:17:38,951 00:17:41,821 I literally just booked the Joeys. I literally just booked the Joeys.
361 00:17:41,854 00:17:45,323 Oh, my God. I'm getting physically sick to my stomach. Oh, my God. I'm getting physically sick to my stomach.
362 00:17:47,325 00:17:49,261 This is going to absolutely cripple me. This is going to absolutely cripple me.
363 00:17:49,294 00:17:51,931 Quinn, do... do you know what I just did here? Quinn, do... do you know what I just did here?
364 00:17:51,964 00:17:56,703 Dude, I'm sorry. I can't do this to you, man. Dude, I'm sorry. I can't do this to you, man.
365 00:17:56,736 00:17:58,503 Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
366 00:17:58,537 00:18:00,405 You think I'd book the fucking Joeys? You think I'd book the fucking Joeys?
367 00:18:00,439 00:18:01,741 Dude, I was just about to call you. Dude, I was just about to call you.
368 00:18:01,774 00:18:03,241 Congrats. Congrats.
369 00:18:03,275 00:18:06,411 You're an asshole, Quinn. You're an asshole, Quinn.
370 00:18:06,445 00:18:09,514 Yeah, an asshole who got you a fucking sweet gig. Yeah, an asshole who got you a fucking sweet gig.
371 00:18:16,856 00:18:18,958 Look, I'll be in contact with the Pennsylvania Club. Look, I'll be in contact with the Pennsylvania Club.
372 00:18:18,991 00:18:21,828 They'll put you up at the condo. They'll put you up at the condo.
373 00:18:21,861 00:18:24,296 Show time today. You better get moving. Show time today. You better get moving.
374 00:18:24,329 00:18:26,298 You are making the right call, buddy. You are making the right call, buddy.
375 00:18:31,738 00:18:35,474 Billy G? At an improv? That's a big deal. Billy G? At an improv? That's a big deal.
376 00:18:35,507 00:18:37,844 That's pretty good. That's pretty good.
377 00:18:37,877 00:18:39,311 Knock them dead. Kill them. Knock them dead. Kill them.
378 00:18:39,344 00:18:40,913 Is that what you say? Break a leg. Is that what you say? Break a leg.
379 00:18:43,082 00:18:45,685 Big fan. Huge fan. Big fan. Huge fan.
380 00:18:45,718 00:18:47,887 Nice to meet you, Mr. G. Nice to meet you, Mr. G.
381 00:18:47,920 00:18:52,859 Hi, I'm Will Chu. I'm your opening act. Hi, I'm Will Chu. I'm your opening act.
382 00:18:57,529 00:18:58,965 Oh, Billy. Oh, Billy.
383 00:18:58,998 00:19:01,266 Oh, my God, it's so good to be here. Oh, my God, it's so good to be here.
384 00:19:03,568 00:19:05,805 I've been waiting all my life for this moment. I've been waiting all my life for this moment.
385 00:19:12,511 00:19:15,280 What's up, Pennsylvania Improv? What's up, Pennsylvania Improv?
386 00:20:04,964 00:20:09,802 Hi. I'm Will. Will Chu. I'm the emcee. Hi. I'm Will. Will Chu. I'm the emcee.
387 00:20:09,836 00:20:13,471 Actually, since we're talking names, my name is spelt C-H-U. Actually, since we're talking names, my name is spelt C-H-U.
388 00:20:13,505 00:20:16,709 Ah, so you asking me to run up on the ladder Ah, so you asking me to run up on the ladder
389 00:20:16,742 00:20:18,811 and change your name? and change your name?
390 00:20:18,845 00:20:21,080 Wondering, um, can I get the keys to the condo? Wondering, um, can I get the keys to the condo?
391 00:20:21,113 00:20:23,149 Is the manager around? Is the manager around?
392 00:20:23,182 00:20:26,953 TT to Charlie Money. TT to Charlie Money.
393 00:20:26,986 00:20:29,387 Yeah, Chip will be here in just a minute. Yeah, Chip will be here in just a minute.
394 00:20:29,421 00:20:32,825 Well, this is my house. I protect my house. Well, this is my house. I protect my house.
395 00:20:34,927 00:20:36,863 Oh, hey. Oh, hey.
396 00:20:36,896 00:20:38,496 Must be Will. Chip. Must be Will. Chip.
397 00:20:38,530 00:20:40,432 Nice to meet you. Thanks for having me. Nice to meet you. Thanks for having me.
398 00:20:40,465 00:20:42,034 You can recommended, You can recommended,
399 00:20:42,068 00:20:43,903 so if you want to make this more than a one-time thing, so if you want to make this more than a one-time thing,
400 00:20:43,936 00:20:46,005 I'm going to need you to keep the crowd on track, I'm going to need you to keep the crowd on track,
401 00:20:46,038 00:20:47,539 handle the hecklers, handle the hecklers,
402 00:20:47,572 00:20:50,475 and most importantly make the audience laugh. and most importantly make the audience laugh.
403 00:20:50,508 00:20:52,845 - Yeah. - Big laughs, okay? - Yeah. - Big laughs, okay?
404 00:20:52,879 00:20:56,716 Got it. And thank you. I appreciate this weekend. Got it. And thank you. I appreciate this weekend.
405 00:20:56,749 00:20:58,550 Y-You don't know what it means to me. Y-You don't know what it means to me.
406 00:21:04,556 00:21:06,192 By the way, you're going to be sharing the condo this weekend By the way, you're going to be sharing the condo this weekend
407 00:21:06,225 00:21:07,727 with our feature, Chris Palmer. with our feature, Chris Palmer.
408 00:21:07,760 00:21:09,862 - Awesome. - Well, you say that now. - Awesome. - Well, you say that now.
409 00:21:09,896 00:21:11,130 Let's see how you feel on Sunday. Let's see how you feel on Sunday.
410 00:21:11,163 00:21:12,798 Why is that? Why is that?
411 00:21:12,832 00:21:15,668 Look, Will, Chris is going to show you things Look, Will, Chris is going to show you things
412 00:21:15,701 00:21:17,703 that you can't unsee. that you can't unsee.
413 00:21:17,737 00:21:19,171 And when he does, I want you to call me. And when he does, I want you to call me.
414 00:21:19,205 00:21:22,174 I'm going to give you my number. I'm going to give you my number.
415 00:21:22,208 00:21:24,810 If you need help or a shoulder to cry on, If you need help or a shoulder to cry on,
416 00:21:24,844 00:21:26,544 or even a place to stay, or even a place to stay,
417 00:21:26,578 00:21:29,447 because Chris can get a little rowdy, because Chris can get a little rowdy,
418 00:21:29,481 00:21:31,516 I want you to reach out. I want you to reach out.
419 00:21:31,549 00:21:33,085 Sure. Sure.
420 00:21:33,119 00:21:35,888 Here. What's your number? Here. What's your number?
421 00:21:35,922 00:21:39,025 No, I'll put it in. Here. No, I'll put it in. Here.
422 00:21:39,058 00:21:41,661 That was easy, huh? That was easy, huh?
423 00:21:41,694 00:21:42,929 Call me. Call me.
424 00:21:42,962 00:21:44,797 Call me right now so I have your number. Call me right now so I have your number.
425 00:21:44,830 00:21:46,832 Oh. Yeah. Oh. Yeah.
426 00:21:46,866 00:21:49,434 Great. I'm vibrating. Great. I'm vibrating.
427 00:21:54,506 00:21:55,908 Must be you. Must be you.
428 00:21:55,942 00:21:58,177 Cool. Cool.
429 00:21:58,210 00:22:00,079 So it begins. So it begins.
430 00:22:08,988 00:22:10,923 Hello? Hello?
431 00:22:10,957 00:22:12,658 Hello? Hello?
432 00:22:12,692 00:22:16,662 Whoa. Don't you fucking knock? Whoa. Don't you fucking knock?
433 00:22:16,696 00:22:18,764 What kind of a dickhole barges in somewhere What kind of a dickhole barges in somewhere
434 00:22:18,798 00:22:20,666 like he owns the place, huh? like he owns the place, huh?
435 00:22:20,700 00:22:21,701 Huh? Huh?
436 00:22:21,734 00:22:23,836 I'm... fucking with you. I'm... fucking with you.
437 00:22:23,869 00:22:25,271 What's up, man? You Will? What's up, man? You Will?
438 00:22:25,304 00:22:26,772 Chris. How are you, bro? Chris. How are you, bro?
439 00:22:26,806 00:22:27,974 - Great to meet you. - Good, man. - Great to meet you. - Good, man.
440 00:22:28,007 00:22:29,675 We're going to have a great weekend. We're going to have a great weekend.
441 00:22:29,709 00:22:30,876 Your first time here? Your first time here?
442 00:22:30,910 00:22:33,679 First time in any real club. First time in any real club.
443 00:22:33,713 00:22:34,780 So I'm just a little bit nervous. So I'm just a little bit nervous.
444 00:22:34,814 00:22:36,082 Oh, no, no, no, no. Why? Oh, no, no, no, no. Why?
445 00:22:36,115 00:22:38,284 Did Chip start flirting with you? Did Chip start flirting with you?
446 00:22:38,317 00:22:39,885 Oh, was that what it was? Oh, was that what it was?
447 00:22:39,919 00:22:41,619 Yeah, yeah, just don't give him your number. Yeah, yeah, just don't give him your number.
448 00:22:41,654 00:22:43,856 You'll be fine. You'll be fine.
449 00:22:46,892 00:22:48,526 And over there's the hot tub. And over there's the hot tub.
450 00:22:48,560 00:22:49,895 Just fucking around, there's no hot tub. Just fucking around, there's no hot tub.
451 00:22:49,929 00:22:51,697 Anyway, this is the condo. Anyway, this is the condo.
452 00:22:51,731 00:22:53,833 I took this bedroom, so the other one's yours, alright? I took this bedroom, so the other one's yours, alright?
453 00:22:53,866 00:22:55,868 Awesome. I'm gonna take a shower. Awesome. I'm gonna take a shower.
454 00:22:55,901 00:22:57,303 You want to head to the club after that? You want to head to the club after that?
455 00:22:57,336 00:23:00,072 Fuck yeah, Will. Fuck yes, I do. Fuck yeah, Will. Fuck yes, I do.
456 00:23:03,642 00:23:05,845 Hey, yo, don't use that shampoo by the way. Hey, yo, don't use that shampoo by the way.
457 00:23:05,878 00:23:07,279 Sometimes dudes jizz in it Sometimes dudes jizz in it
458 00:23:07,313 00:23:09,682 just to fuck with guys for the following week. just to fuck with guys for the following week.
459 00:23:09,715 00:23:11,250 - You serious? - Yeah. - You serious? - Yeah.
460 00:23:11,283 00:23:13,652 Hey, you ever been to the Warhol Museum? Hey, you ever been to the Warhol Museum?
461 00:23:13,686 00:23:15,087 I've always wanted to check it out. I've always wanted to check it out.
462 00:23:15,121 00:23:16,155 Want to go tomorrow? Want to go tomorrow?
463 00:23:16,188 00:23:17,289 Yeah, sure. Yeah, sure.
464 00:23:17,323 00:23:18,590 Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah.
465 00:23:18,623 00:23:19,925 Dibs first shower. Dibs first shower.
466 00:23:37,243 00:23:38,844 Welcome to the world-famous Welcome to the world-famous
467 00:23:38,878 00:23:40,346 Improv Thursday night. Improv Thursday night.
468 00:23:40,379 00:23:42,181 Make some noise. Make some noise.
469 00:23:42,214 00:23:46,252 Who's ready for a great show tonight? Who's ready for a great show tonight?
470 00:23:46,285 00:23:49,288 Okay, just a reminder to keep your talking to a minimum Okay, just a reminder to keep your talking to a minimum
471 00:23:49,321 00:23:51,690 and your laughter to a maximum. and your laughter to a maximum.
472 00:23:51,724 00:23:53,292 Ladies and gentlemen, we'll be starting the show Ladies and gentlemen, we'll be starting the show
473 00:23:53,325 00:23:55,194 in just a few minutes. in just a few minutes.
474 00:23:55,227 00:23:58,197 - Ooh, long time, Rachel. Hello. - Just letting you know - Ooh, long time, Rachel. Hello. - Just letting you know
475 00:23:58,230 00:24:00,733 we'd like you to turn your cellphones to silent. we'd like you to turn your cellphones to silent.
476 00:24:00,766 00:24:03,769 There's no video or flash photography during the show. There's no video or flash photography during the show.
477 00:24:03,803 00:24:06,238 Be sure to sign up for our e-mail list. Be sure to sign up for our e-mail list.
478 00:24:06,272 00:24:08,240 The cards are on your tables. The cards are on your tables.
479 00:24:15,314 00:24:17,249 You okay, bro? You okay, bro?
480 00:24:17,283 00:24:20,186 Oh, yeah, yeah. I just... just a little nervous. Oh, yeah, yeah. I just... just a little nervous.
481 00:24:20,219 00:24:21,754 That is like the biggest audience That is like the biggest audience
482 00:24:21,787 00:24:23,722 - I've ever performed for. - Dude, don't be nervous. - I've ever performed for. - Dude, don't be nervous.
483 00:24:23,756 00:24:25,658 Fuck those people out there. Just do you. Fuck those people out there. Just do you.
484 00:24:25,691 00:24:27,159 - Chris. - Holy shit. - Chris. - Holy shit.
485 00:24:27,193 00:24:29,161 I heard Chris. How you doing, man? I heard Chris. How you doing, man?
486 00:24:29,195 00:24:30,963 - I'm good. - I'm still kind of hungover - I'm good. - I'm still kind of hungover
487 00:24:30,996 00:24:32,665 from the last time we chilled out. from the last time we chilled out.
488 00:24:32,698 00:24:34,166 Oh, yeah, Ricky that's called a bender, my friend. Oh, yeah, Ricky that's called a bender, my friend.
489 00:24:34,200 00:24:35,768 Probably right. Probably right.
490 00:24:35,801 00:24:38,971 Yo, you still fucking with that cheerleader? Yo, you still fucking with that cheerleader?
491 00:24:39,004 00:24:41,874 The blonde one with the half-shaved head? The blonde one with the half-shaved head?
492 00:24:43,976 00:24:45,678 God bless you, Chris. God bless you, Chris.
493 00:24:45,711 00:24:47,213 What up, man? I'm Ricky. What up, man? I'm Ricky.
494 00:24:47,246 00:24:48,247 I'm Will. I'm the emcee. I'm Will. I'm the emcee.
495 00:24:48,280 00:24:50,382 I'm the sound guy, man. Cool. I'm the sound guy, man. Cool.
496 00:24:50,416 00:24:53,085 Alright, what kind of intro music you guys want? Alright, what kind of intro music you guys want?
497 00:24:53,119 00:24:55,321 - Surprise me, bud. - What about you? - Surprise me, bud. - What about you?
498 00:24:55,354 00:24:56,989 Something by the Killers? Something by the Killers?
499 00:24:57,022 00:24:59,291 Alright, cool. You know, Chip loves the Killers, man. Alright, cool. You know, Chip loves the Killers, man.
500 00:24:59,325 00:25:02,261 You know what? Why don't you pick something? You know what? Why don't you pick something?
501 00:25:02,294 00:25:04,196 - Anything but the Killers. - You sure? - Anything but the Killers. - You sure?
502 00:25:04,230 00:25:08,434 - Yeah. Absolutely. - Alright. Cool. - Yeah. Absolutely. - Alright. Cool.
503 00:25:08,467 00:25:10,269 What do you want for your intro? What do you want for your intro?
504 00:25:10,302 00:25:12,738 You can say clubs and colleges. You can say clubs and colleges.
505 00:25:12,771 00:25:15,307 What clubs? What clubs?
506 00:25:15,341 00:25:16,809 Uh, what colleges? Uh, what colleges?
507 00:25:16,842 00:25:19,078 Um... Um...
508 00:25:19,111 00:25:21,780 So I'll just keep it plain and simple, just clubs and colleges. So I'll just keep it plain and simple, just clubs and colleges.
509 00:25:21,814 00:25:23,415 Gonna keep it broad, you know. Sounds good. Gonna keep it broad, you know. Sounds good.
510 00:25:23,449 00:25:25,851 Alright, listen, guys, Will, you're doing 12, Alright, listen, guys, Will, you're doing 12,
511 00:25:25,885 00:25:27,319 Chris, you're doing 25. Chris, you're doing 25.
512 00:25:27,353 00:25:29,021 You get a two-minute light each, You get a two-minute light each,
513 00:25:29,054 00:25:31,390 and it's a big red light right at the back of the wall. and it's a big red light right at the back of the wall.
514 00:25:31,423 00:25:33,092 You can't miss it, alright? You can't miss it, alright?
515 00:25:33,125 00:25:34,293 Is it that wall? Is it that wall?
516 00:25:34,326 00:25:35,828 Have a good show, y'all. Peace. Have a good show, y'all. Peace.
517 00:25:35,861 00:25:39,098 - Love you, buddy. - Love you too, nigga. - Love you, buddy. - Love you too, nigga.
518 00:25:39,131 00:25:41,767 - Did he just call you... nigga? - I love it. - Did he just call you... nigga? - I love it.
519 00:25:44,003 00:25:45,204 What do you want for your intro? What do you want for your intro?
520 00:25:45,237 00:25:47,406 Oh, same just clubs and colleges. Oh, same just clubs and colleges.
521 00:25:47,439 00:25:49,875 Which clubs and colleges have you done? Which clubs and colleges have you done?
522 00:25:49,909 00:25:53,712 Oh, let's see, I've done like 28 improvs, Funny Bones, Oh, let's see, I've done like 28 improvs, Funny Bones,
523 00:25:53,746 00:25:55,414 and I did... I did the NACA Conference. and I did... I did the NACA Conference.
524 00:25:55,447 00:25:58,884 That's like 30 colleges last year. That's like 30 colleges last year.
525 00:25:58,918 00:26:01,720 - Good... Good for you. - Thank you very much. - Good... Good for you. - Thank you very much.
526 00:26:01,754 00:26:04,490 Thursday night, make some noise. Thursday night, make some noise.
527 00:26:06,425 00:26:09,295 Alright, buddy, here we go. Alright, buddy, here we go.
528 00:26:09,328 00:26:11,463 Give it for your headliner this evening, Billy G. Give it for your headliner this evening, Billy G.
529 00:26:11,497 00:26:15,334 - To a great show. - To a great show. - To a great show. - To a great show.
530 00:26:15,367 00:26:19,071 And your future act, Chris Palmer. And your future act, Chris Palmer.
531 00:26:19,104 00:26:20,739 Now, ladies and gentlemen, Now, ladies and gentlemen,
532 00:26:20,773 00:26:23,042 please give a Pennsylvania Improv welcome please give a Pennsylvania Improv welcome
533 00:26:23,075 00:26:24,977 to your host and emcee for the evening. to your host and emcee for the evening.
534 00:26:25,010 00:26:27,880 You know your opening act from clubs and colleges, You know your opening act from clubs and colleges,
535 00:26:27,913 00:26:31,317 please welcome Will Chu. please welcome Will Chu.
536 00:26:37,089 00:26:40,326 What's up, Pennsylvania? How you guys doing? What's up, Pennsylvania? How you guys doing?
537 00:26:40,359 00:26:44,163 Alright. Awesome, awesome crowd tonight. Alright. Awesome, awesome crowd tonight.
538 00:26:44,196 00:26:46,065 Is everybody here from Pennsylvania? Is everybody here from Pennsylvania?
539 00:26:46,098 00:26:48,334 Awesome. Awesome.
540 00:26:48,367 00:26:51,036 Lot of pretty girls from Pennsylvania, am I right? Lot of pretty girls from Pennsylvania, am I right?
541 00:26:51,070 00:26:53,205 Yeah, not... not here but in downtown, you know. Yeah, not... not here but in downtown, you know.
542 00:26:55,975 00:26:58,544 You know, dating... dating is totally different now, right? You know, dating... dating is totally different now, right?
543 00:26:58,577 00:27:00,980 Like, I know... I know where I stand. Like, I know... I know where I stand.
544 00:27:01,013 00:27:05,551 Like, I am... I'm, like, cute. I'm not like the macho guy. Like, I am... I'm, like, cute. I'm not like the macho guy.
545 00:27:05,584 00:27:07,353 You know, I wish I could be that guy. You know, I wish I could be that guy.
546 00:27:07,386 00:27:09,355 Like, I'm really good looking... Like, I'm really good looking...
547 00:27:09,388 00:27:12,224 if you're into anime. if you're into anime.
548 00:27:12,258 00:27:16,095 That's the level that I'm at, you know? That's the level that I'm at, you know?
549 00:27:16,128 00:27:18,897 I can't even go to the beach with my shirt off, right? I can't even go to the beach with my shirt off, right?
550 00:27:18,931 00:27:22,368 Like, look, don't get me wrong, ladies, I'm in shape, okay? Like, look, don't get me wrong, ladies, I'm in shape, okay?
551 00:27:22,401 00:27:26,505 But I'm just a small guy with really nice hair. But I'm just a small guy with really nice hair.
552 00:27:26,538 00:27:30,042 So from the back, I look like a really hot Asian chick. So from the back, I look like a really hot Asian chick.
553 00:27:31,910 00:27:35,848 And from the front, I look like a really hot Asian chick. And from the front, I look like a really hot Asian chick.
554 00:27:35,881 00:27:37,516 Thank you guys. That's my time. I'm Will Chu. Thank you guys. That's my time. I'm Will Chu.
555 00:27:37,549 00:27:41,587 I will be your host tonight. I will be your host tonight.
556 00:27:41,620 00:27:44,123 Pennsylvania, are you guys ready for your next comedian? Pennsylvania, are you guys ready for your next comedian?
557 00:27:45,891 00:27:48,560 Alright, you've seen him at clubs and colleges. Alright, you've seen him at clubs and colleges.
558 00:27:48,594 00:27:51,964 Let's give it up for Chris Palmer. Let's give it up for Chris Palmer.
559 00:28:11,350 00:28:14,320 What the fuck is up, Pennsylvania Improv? What the fuck is up, Pennsylvania Improv?
560 00:28:14,353 00:28:16,622 Make some fucking noise. Make some fucking noise.
561 00:28:18,023 00:28:21,060 Oh, my God. Fantastic. Oh, my God. Fantastic.
562 00:28:21,093 00:28:23,295 Let me... Anybody in here single? Let me... Anybody in here single?
563 00:28:25,130 00:28:26,865 Anybody in here married? Anybody in here married?
564 00:28:28,434 00:28:30,402 That is the first time the married people That is the first time the married people
565 00:28:30,436 00:28:33,439 have ever been more enthusiastic. have ever been more enthusiastic.
566 00:28:33,472 00:28:36,041 Well, good, so there's some good marriages in here? Well, good, so there's some good marriages in here?
567 00:28:37,309 00:28:39,044 You guys? I heard you guys are... You guys? I heard you guys are...
568 00:28:39,078 00:28:40,879 oh, he did this. oh, he did this.
569 00:28:40,913 00:28:43,282 He went like this. Not a good sign. He went like this. Not a good sign.
570 00:28:43,315 00:28:44,583 Great. Great.
571 00:28:44,616 00:28:47,419 Are we ever going to see a good headline Are we ever going to see a good headline
572 00:28:47,453 00:28:50,522 that starts with the words "a Florida man"? that starts with the words "a Florida man"?
573 00:28:53,025 00:28:57,062 Hi. I'm Will, and I just want to say what an absolute honor Hi. I'm Will, and I just want to say what an absolute honor
574 00:28:57,096 00:28:59,498 it is to be working with you. it is to be working with you.
575 00:28:59,531 00:29:04,303 And "Oh, Billy." And "Oh, Billy."
576 00:29:04,336 00:29:06,472 I'm going to ask you not to do that, okay? I'm going to ask you not to do that, okay?
577 00:29:06,505 00:29:08,173 Okay. Yes. Noted. Okay. Yes. Noted.
578 00:29:08,207 00:29:10,109 About my intro. About my intro.
579 00:29:10,142 00:29:11,644 Just say "You know our headliner Just say "You know our headliner
580 00:29:11,678 00:29:14,413 from his numerous appearances on 'The Tonight Show, ' from his numerous appearances on 'The Tonight Show, '
581 00:29:14,446 00:29:17,983 his best-selling book that's for sale after the show on sale. his best-selling book that's for sale after the show on sale.
582 00:29:18,016 00:29:19,418 I got you this time. I got you this time.
583 00:29:19,451 00:29:22,054 Of course the TV show, 'Oh, That Billy.' Of course the TV show, 'Oh, That Billy.'
584 00:29:22,087 00:29:23,489 Ladies and gentlemen, Billy G." Ladies and gentlemen, Billy G."
585 00:29:23,522 00:29:25,290 You got it? You got it?
586 00:29:25,324 00:29:27,192 - Write it down. - Yeah. - Write it down. - Yeah.
587 00:29:27,226 00:29:29,595 "The Tonight Show," book on sale, "The Tonight Show," book on sale,
588 00:29:29,629 00:29:31,497 I got you this time, I got you this time,
589 00:29:31,530 00:29:33,633 "Oh, That Billy." "Oh, That Billy."
590 00:29:33,666 00:29:36,335 I'm sorry. Can I borrow a pen? I'm sorry. Can I borrow a pen?
591 00:29:36,368 00:29:39,071 Thank you. Close that door on the way out. Thank you. Close that door on the way out.
592 00:29:39,104 00:29:41,206 - Thank you so much. - Okay. - Thank you so much. - Okay.
593 00:29:43,976 00:29:46,713 You have to be careful these days You have to be careful these days
594 00:29:46,746 00:29:49,381 with what you're watching on TV with what you're watching on TV
595 00:29:49,415 00:29:51,550 when you're talking to your lady. Okay? when you're talking to your lady. Okay?
596 00:29:51,583 00:29:54,654 A little while back, I was dating a wonderful young lady. A little while back, I was dating a wonderful young lady.
597 00:29:54,687 00:29:56,656 She called me on the phone and I picked it up, She called me on the phone and I picked it up,
598 00:29:56,689 00:29:58,457 and after about a minute she goes, and after about a minute she goes,
599 00:29:58,490 00:30:00,727 "Who the fuck is over at your apartment?" "Who the fuck is over at your apartment?"
600 00:30:00,760 00:30:02,561 And I was like, "What are you talking about?" And I was like, "What are you talking about?"
601 00:30:02,594 00:30:05,998 And she was like, "Somebody is screaming, somebody is moaning." And she was like, "Somebody is screaming, somebody is moaning."
602 00:30:06,031 00:30:09,435 I said, "Babe, I am watching singles ladies tennis. I said, "Babe, I am watching singles ladies tennis.
603 00:30:09,468 00:30:14,006 Maria Sharapova screams like a hyena when she plays. Maria Sharapova screams like a hyena when she plays.
604 00:30:14,039 00:30:15,441 Thank God you didn't call me five minutes ago. Thank God you didn't call me five minutes ago.
605 00:30:15,474 00:30:17,276 I was watching mixed doubles. I was watching mixed doubles.
606 00:30:17,309 00:30:19,278 Would have sounded like a goddamn orgy in here." Would have sounded like a goddamn orgy in here."
607 00:30:22,214 00:30:23,482 Fantastic. Fantastic.
608 00:30:23,515 00:30:25,517 That's fucking right. That's fucking right.
609 00:30:25,551 00:30:28,053 Hey, deejay, kick that track. Hey, deejay, kick that track.
610 00:30:30,389 00:30:33,292 Guys, I'm gonna be selling merch back there. Guys, I'm gonna be selling merch back there.
611 00:30:33,325 00:30:35,461 The T-shirts say "Getting Chrissy with it." The T-shirts say "Getting Chrissy with it."
612 00:30:35,494 00:30:37,630 And a couple of you will have the great souvenir And a couple of you will have the great souvenir
613 00:30:37,664 00:30:39,431 of actually getting Chrissy with it. of actually getting Chrissy with it.
614 00:30:39,465 00:30:41,166 Thank you very much, good night. Thank you very much, good night.
615 00:30:47,105 00:30:51,410 One more time for Chris Palmer, ladies and gentlemen. One more time for Chris Palmer, ladies and gentlemen.
616 00:30:51,443 00:30:53,680 Pennsylvania, you guys ready for your headliner? Pennsylvania, you guys ready for your headliner?
617 00:30:56,215 00:30:59,485 You've seen him on his numerous appearances You've seen him on his numerous appearances
618 00:30:59,518 00:31:01,353 on "Oh, That Billy." on "Oh, That Billy."
619 00:31:01,386 00:31:04,490 And, uh, his book... best-selling book And, uh, his book... best-selling book
620 00:31:04,523 00:31:07,559 is for sale after the show, "The Tonight Show." is for sale after the show, "The Tonight Show."
621 00:31:07,593 00:31:10,062 And, um... And, um...
622 00:31:10,095 00:31:12,699 And... And of course you know him from his TV show, And... And of course you know him from his TV show,
623 00:31:12,732 00:31:16,034 "I Got You This Time." "I Got You This Time."
624 00:31:16,068 00:31:18,170 Let's give it up for Billy G. Let's give it up for Billy G.
625 00:31:25,210 00:31:27,579 Couldn't find that pen, huh? Couldn't find that pen, huh?
626 00:31:36,388 00:31:38,357 What's up, Pennsylvania? How you doing? What's up, Pennsylvania? How you doing?
627 00:31:41,193 00:31:42,662 One, two, three... One, two, three...
628 00:31:42,695 00:31:44,631 "Oh, Billy." "Oh, Billy."
629 00:31:44,664 00:31:46,265 "Oh, Billy." "Oh, Billy."
630 00:31:55,140 00:31:57,242 I was born Billiard Goulet... I was born Billiard Goulet...
631 00:31:57,276 00:31:58,645 Those two right there, please. Those two right there, please.
632 00:31:58,678 00:32:02,414 And papa was a rolling stone, was he not? And papa was a rolling stone, was he not?
633 00:32:02,447 00:32:04,717 Everybody goes, "Why go by Billy G?" Everybody goes, "Why go by Billy G?"
634 00:32:04,751 00:32:07,219 And I said, "If your name was Billiard, wouldn't you?" And I said, "If your name was Billiard, wouldn't you?"
635 00:32:09,354 00:32:11,623 Nobody wants to be behind the 9 ball... Nobody wants to be behind the 9 ball...
636 00:32:11,658 00:32:13,760 Will, let's go get a drink, buddy. Will, let's go get a drink, buddy.
637 00:32:13,793 00:32:15,628 - Well, I'm watching Billy. - Oh, I know. - Well, I'm watching Billy. - Oh, I know.
638 00:32:15,662 00:32:17,329 We're not going to leave the club or anything. We're not going to leave the club or anything.
639 00:32:17,362 00:32:19,164 We're just going to watch him from the back there. We're just going to watch him from the back there.
640 00:32:19,197 00:32:21,500 Trust me, you're going to be sick of his act by Sunday too. Trust me, you're going to be sick of his act by Sunday too.
641 00:32:21,533 00:32:22,735 You got kids? You got kids?
642 00:32:22,769 00:32:25,270 I got kids all different ages, man. I got kids all different ages, man.
643 00:32:25,304 00:32:27,707 I got one daughter who just got out of college. I got one daughter who just got out of college.
644 00:32:27,740 00:32:29,374 And you can applause for that. And you can applause for that.
645 00:32:31,376 00:32:33,780 She didn't... She didn't graduate or anything. She didn't... She didn't graduate or anything.
646 00:32:33,813 00:32:34,881 She just got out. She just got out.
647 00:32:36,849 00:32:38,350 Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
648 00:32:38,383 00:32:40,853 Holy shit, you killed it, Chris. Holy shit, you killed it, Chris.
649 00:32:40,887 00:32:43,790 You too. That fucking elevator bit's a killer. You too. That fucking elevator bit's a killer.
650 00:32:43,823 00:32:45,557 You know, they do sexting. You know, they do sexting.
651 00:32:45,591 00:32:47,292 I tried to do that with my girl, you know? I tried to do that with my girl, you know?
652 00:32:47,326 00:32:49,561 I'll try sexting her. I said the other day, I'll try sexting her. I said the other day,
653 00:32:49,595 00:32:52,197 I was like, "Hey, baby, what's up?" I was like, "Hey, baby, what's up?"
654 00:32:52,230 00:32:56,301 You know? "Daddy about to pull up," you know? You know? "Daddy about to pull up," you know?
655 00:32:56,335 00:32:58,671 "I might want to...." "I might want to...."
656 00:32:58,705 00:33:00,907 She texts me back, "Pick up some bread." She texts me back, "Pick up some bread."
657 00:33:03,175 00:33:04,844 Hey, Chrissy, I got Billy G Hey, Chrissy, I got Billy G
658 00:33:04,877 00:33:06,746 doing four radio stations tomorrow. doing four radio stations tomorrow.
659 00:33:06,779 00:33:09,414 But one station still wants a comic for their Friday funnies. But one station still wants a comic for their Friday funnies.
660 00:33:09,448 00:33:11,818 So I need you to get up at 7:00 AM and do press for me. So I need you to get up at 7:00 AM and do press for me.
661 00:33:11,851 00:33:12,885 7:00 AM? 7:00 AM?
662 00:33:12,919 00:33:14,887 Yeah, if you want to keep working at my club, yeah. Yeah, if you want to keep working at my club, yeah.
663 00:33:14,921 00:33:18,457 Can I bring Will? Can I bring Will?
664 00:33:18,490 00:33:20,893 Yeah, if that helps you get up for a 7:00 AM wake up. Yeah, if that helps you get up for a 7:00 AM wake up.
665 00:33:20,927 00:33:23,428 Sure. Ricky will pick you up. Sure. Ricky will pick you up.
666 00:33:23,462 00:33:27,399 Will, I got my eyes and ears on you. Will, I got my eyes and ears on you.
667 00:33:30,435 00:33:33,505 See you at 7:00 AM. See you at 7:00 AM.
668 00:33:33,538 00:33:35,440 - I've never done radio before. - Don't worry about it. - I've never done radio before. - Don't worry about it.
669 00:33:35,474 00:33:37,576 It's easy. You just do a joke or two from your act. It's easy. You just do a joke or two from your act.
670 00:33:37,609 00:33:38,878 Piece of cake. Piece of cake.
671 00:33:38,911 00:33:41,246 Oh, we're in business, buddy. Hello. Oh, we're in business, buddy. Hello.
672 00:33:41,279 00:33:43,415 Excuse me, I'm here to redeem my coupon. Excuse me, I'm here to redeem my coupon.
673 00:33:43,448 00:33:45,685 Good for one free drink with a comedian. Good for one free drink with a comedian.
674 00:33:45,718 00:33:48,387 - Hope it's good for two. - Take a look at that. - Hope it's good for two. - Take a look at that.
675 00:33:48,420 00:33:51,390 Yes, it is. Not valid in Hawaii or Alaska. Yes, it is. Not valid in Hawaii or Alaska.
676 00:33:51,423 00:33:53,492 I'm Chris. This is my friend Will. I'm Chris. This is my friend Will.
677 00:33:53,525 00:33:55,260 - You guys were so funny. - Like, we're dead. - You guys were so funny. - Like, we're dead.
678 00:33:55,293 00:33:57,730 Like sick funny, like we're not alive, yeah. Like sick funny, like we're not alive, yeah.
679 00:33:57,764 00:34:00,800 And I tell you what, my own son, on a count of three, And I tell you what, my own son, on a count of three,
680 00:34:00,833 00:34:02,601 he came off the breast and he said... he came off the breast and he said...
681 00:34:02,635 00:34:04,971 "Oh, Billy.," "Oh, Billy.,"
682 00:34:11,010 00:34:13,612 "Oh, Billy." "Oh, Billy."
683 00:34:13,646 00:34:16,949 Hey, that's my time, guys. Hey, that's my time, guys.
684 00:34:16,983 00:34:19,886 Thank you, Pennsylvania. Thank you, Pennsylvania.
685 00:34:27,894 00:34:30,328 Oh, Billy, you killed it tonight. Oh, Billy, you killed it tonight.
686 00:34:34,767 00:34:37,269 "Oh, Billy." "Oh, Billy."
687 00:34:37,302 00:34:39,872 Bro, it is time for the night shift to begin. Bro, it is time for the night shift to begin.
688 00:34:39,906 00:34:43,408 We, and I mean we, are heading next door to the pub. We, and I mean we, are heading next door to the pub.
689 00:34:43,442 00:34:45,577 But don't we have radio first thing in the morning tomorrow? But don't we have radio first thing in the morning tomorrow?
690 00:34:45,610 00:34:47,847 I mean, maybe we should stay fresh and just kind of chill. I mean, maybe we should stay fresh and just kind of chill.
691 00:34:47,880 00:34:50,582 Dude, did you just rock your first fucking improv? Dude, did you just rock your first fucking improv?
692 00:34:50,615 00:34:52,350 - I think so. - Yeah, you did. - I think so. - Yeah, you did.
693 00:34:52,384 00:34:54,954 Oh, my God, you are, like, so hilarious. Oh, my God, you are, like, so hilarious.
694 00:34:54,987 00:34:57,322 So I think we should take a victory lap. So I think we should take a victory lap.
695 00:34:57,355 00:34:59,025 Besides, you'd be the first comic I've ever met Besides, you'd be the first comic I've ever met
696 00:34:59,058 00:35:00,960 who wants to go to bed after a great set. who wants to go to bed after a great set.
697 00:35:00,993 00:35:02,594 Aren't you fucking wired, bro? Aren't you fucking wired, bro?
698 00:35:02,628 00:35:04,396 - A little bit. - A little bit? - A little bit. - A little bit?
699 00:35:04,429 00:35:06,398 And, like, comedy, like, for me, like, I'm just going to say, And, like, comedy, like, for me, like, I'm just going to say,
700 00:35:06,431 00:35:09,501 like, I've never even noticed, but comedy is, like, so funny. like, I've never even noticed, but comedy is, like, so funny.
701 00:35:09,534 00:35:12,905 That's a fantastic observation. These two are very astute. That's a fantastic observation. These two are very astute.
702 00:35:12,939 00:35:14,974 Okay, okay, I kind of just want to talk to Billy Okay, okay, I kind of just want to talk to Billy
703 00:35:15,007 00:35:16,341 for a little bit. for a little bit.
704 00:35:16,374 00:35:17,977 Suit yourself. Suit yourself.
705 00:35:18,010 00:35:20,579 Meet me there, okay? Meet me there, okay?
706 00:35:20,612 00:35:23,315 - Hold my hand. - Yes, you got it. - Hold my hand. - Yes, you got it.
707 00:35:30,522 00:35:32,491 Hey, you. How's things? Hey, you. How's things?
708 00:35:32,524 00:35:35,494 Well, the condo makes my place look like the Four Seasons. Well, the condo makes my place look like the Four Seasons.
709 00:35:35,527 00:35:38,463 That nice, huh? How'd your set go? That nice, huh? How'd your set go?
710 00:35:38,497 00:35:40,032 - I'm still standing. - Give me more. - I'm still standing. - Give me more.
711 00:35:40,066 00:35:42,300 - How's Billy G? - Oh, boy. - How's Billy G? - Oh, boy.
712 00:35:42,334 00:35:43,803 What? What?
713 00:35:43,836 00:35:46,773 I messed up his intro tonight. I'm going to fix it. I messed up his intro tonight. I'm going to fix it.
714 00:35:46,806 00:35:48,841 I don't know, I don't want to talk about it right now. I don't know, I don't want to talk about it right now.
715 00:35:48,875 00:35:50,442 You'll get it right tomorrow. You'll get it right tomorrow.
716 00:35:50,475 00:35:52,044 I still don't want to talk about it. I still don't want to talk about it.
717 00:35:52,078 00:35:54,412 You know? It's just kind of fresh and painful right now. You know? It's just kind of fresh and painful right now.
718 00:35:54,446 00:35:56,716 - How are you? - Good. Good. - How are you? - Good. Good.
719 00:35:56,749 00:35:59,417 Long day, but still have to finish my lesson plan Long day, but still have to finish my lesson plan
720 00:35:59,451 00:36:01,954 and grade 32 book reports on "Oh, the Places You'll Go." and grade 32 book reports on "Oh, the Places You'll Go."
721 00:36:01,988 00:36:03,756 And throw away 18 macaroni necklaces And throw away 18 macaroni necklaces
722 00:36:03,790 00:36:05,390 that have been in my car for three weeks. that have been in my car for three weeks.
723 00:36:05,423 00:36:08,795 Nice. You can make mac and cheese out of those. Nice. You can make mac and cheese out of those.
724 00:36:08,828 00:36:10,428 Look, I'm going to head to bed. Look, I'm going to head to bed.
725 00:36:10,462 00:36:11,898 - Love you. - I love you. - Love you. - I love you.
726 00:36:20,372 00:36:23,643 Oh, sorry. Oh, sorry.
727 00:36:23,676 00:36:25,377 - Hey. - Here he is. - Hey. - Here he is.
728 00:36:25,410 00:36:26,913 Let's get to work, dude. Let's get to work, dude.
729 00:36:26,946 00:36:29,015 So just a heads up, I actually have a girl back home. So just a heads up, I actually have a girl back home.
730 00:36:29,048 00:36:31,616 Oh, you know what? Just a heads up, so do I, yeah. Oh, you know what? Just a heads up, so do I, yeah.
731 00:36:31,651 00:36:35,554 Back in Miami. And Indy, Toledo, and Austin. Back in Miami. And Indy, Toledo, and Austin.
732 00:36:35,587 00:36:38,057 And I've got one right out there too. Mm. And I've got one right out there too. Mm.
733 00:36:38,090 00:36:39,725 Just keep her friend busy for me, okay? Just keep her friend busy for me, okay?
734 00:36:39,759 00:36:41,794 That's all I ask. Just be a wingman. That's all I ask. Just be a wingman.
735 00:36:43,963 00:36:46,065 Come on. Come on, buddy. Come on. Come on, buddy.
736 00:36:46,098 00:36:47,800 How long were you going to make me wait? How long were you going to make me wait?
737 00:36:47,834 00:36:49,735 Oh, I'm sorry, are we having our first fight? Oh, I'm sorry, are we having our first fight?
738 00:36:49,769 00:36:52,939 - Are we married? - Mm-hmm. - Are we married? - Mm-hmm.
739 00:36:52,972 00:36:56,943 I love a guy that can make me laugh. I love a guy that can make me laugh.
740 00:36:56,976 00:36:59,444 Oh, okay, okay. So actually, I have a girlfriend. Oh, okay, okay. So actually, I have a girlfriend.
741 00:36:59,477 00:37:01,914 That's cool. I have a boyfriend. That's cool. I have a boyfriend.
742 00:37:07,787 00:37:09,121 Thanks, I'm okay. Thanks, I'm okay.
743 00:37:09,155 00:37:11,523 Got you. Not the kissing kind. Got you. Not the kissing kind.
744 00:37:11,556 00:37:12,892 Oh, okay. Oh, okay.
745 00:37:12,925 00:37:16,028 That is my cue to exit. That is my cue to exit.
746 00:37:16,062 00:37:19,397 Nice meeting you. Bye-bye. Nice meeting you. Bye-bye.
747 00:37:20,099 00:37:22,768 Megan. Megan. Megan. Megan.
748 00:37:22,802 00:37:24,569 Hey, shy guy. Hey, shy guy.
749 00:37:24,603 00:37:26,706 Where are all the party peoples? Where are all the party peoples?
750 00:37:26,739 00:37:28,506 Whoo! Whoo!
751 00:37:29,742 00:37:32,410 Will, I'm so sorry to do this. Will, I'm so sorry to do this.
752 00:37:32,444 00:37:34,113 Can you actually make sure Sophie gets home okay? Can you actually make sure Sophie gets home okay?
753 00:37:34,146 00:37:37,482 She's way too wasted to take a cab by herself. She's way too wasted to take a cab by herself.
754 00:37:37,515 00:37:40,186 Oh, and shit, that was funny on stage before Oh, and shit, that was funny on stage before
755 00:37:40,219 00:37:43,421 with the jokes, so good... good job. with the jokes, so good... good job.
756 00:37:43,455 00:37:44,556 You're the best, bud. You're the best, bud.
757 00:37:44,589 00:37:45,858 Second best. Second best.
758 00:37:45,892 00:37:48,861 He's the best. He's the best.
759 00:37:48,895 00:37:50,495 Where is everyone? Where is everyone?
760 00:37:50,528 00:37:51,931 Hi. Hi.
761 00:37:51,964 00:37:52,999 Hello. Hello.
762 00:37:53,032 00:37:56,434 Hello. Hello.
763 00:37:56,468 00:37:57,703 So, where to, kids? So, where to, kids?
764 00:37:57,737 00:37:58,971 Where do you live? Where do you live?
765 00:37:59,005 00:38:02,708 Um, um, um, um, 267 Wildwood Lane. Um, um, um, um, 267 Wildwood Lane.
766 00:38:02,742 00:38:05,477 267 Wildwood Lane, and we're coming right back here. 267 Wildwood Lane, and we're coming right back here.
767 00:38:05,510 00:38:06,879 - So two stops. - We're coming right back here. - So two stops. - We're coming right back here.
768 00:38:06,913 00:38:09,115 - Wildwood Lanes. - Whoo! - Wildwood Lanes. - Whoo!
769 00:38:09,148 00:38:11,651 That's a bit of a trip. I'm going to need cash up front. That's a bit of a trip. I'm going to need cash up front.
770 00:38:11,684 00:38:12,718 Going to need cash up front. Going to need cash up front.
771 00:38:12,752 00:38:13,986 - What? - Yeah. - What? - Yeah.
772 00:38:14,020 00:38:15,888 That's what the man said. That's what the man said.
773 00:38:15,922 00:38:18,658 Más, cabron. Más, cabron.
774 00:38:18,691 00:38:20,993 - Are you fucking kidding me? - Yeah, más means more. - Are you fucking kidding me? - Yeah, más means more.
775 00:38:21,027 00:38:22,828 Más. More. Más. More.
776 00:38:22,862 00:38:24,462 Come on, let's go. Come on, let's go.
777 00:38:24,496 00:38:25,665 Let's go! Let's go!
778 00:38:32,838 00:38:35,540 How far are we? How far are we?
779 00:38:35,573 00:38:37,009 Are you sure this is where you live? Are you sure this is where you live?
780 00:38:37,043 00:38:39,511 What even is time? What even is time?
781 00:38:39,544 00:38:42,048 Are we on a dirt road? Are we on a dirt road?
782 00:38:55,194 00:38:57,529 Okay, looks like, uh, this is it. Okay, looks like, uh, this is it.
783 00:38:57,562 00:39:00,232 This place is weird, man. This place is weird, man.
784 00:39:00,266 00:39:02,101 Oh, I'm home. Come on in. Oh, I'm home. Come on in.
785 00:39:02,134 00:39:04,203 No, no, no, I got an early thing tomorrow in the morning. No, no, no, I got an early thing tomorrow in the morning.
786 00:39:04,236 00:39:05,871 Come on. Hungry? Come on. Hungry?
787 00:39:05,905 00:39:08,207 - I have Hot Pockets. - No, no, no, no thanks. - I have Hot Pockets. - No, no, no, no thanks.
788 00:39:08,240 00:39:10,209 Oh, my God. Okay. Oh, my God. Okay.
789 00:39:10,242 00:39:11,509 I got it. I got it.
790 00:39:11,543 00:39:13,646 Okay. She... Okay. She...
791 00:39:13,679 00:39:15,648 Shit. Shit.
792 00:39:15,681 00:39:17,950 Shit. Shit.
793 00:39:17,984 00:39:19,185 Okay, I'm just going to help her in. Okay, I'm just going to help her in.
794 00:39:19,218 00:39:20,219 I'll be right back. I'll be right back.
795 00:39:20,252 00:39:21,954 I have a bad feeling about this. I have a bad feeling about this.
796 00:39:21,988 00:39:23,823 Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on. Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.
797 00:39:23,856 00:39:25,623 Getting some bad vibes around here. Getting some bad vibes around here.
798 00:39:25,658 00:39:27,793 Stay right here. I'll be right back. Stay right here. I'll be right back.
799 00:39:27,827 00:39:29,295 My knight in shining armor. My knight in shining armor.
800 00:39:29,328 00:39:32,064 No, no, no, come on. No, no, no, come on.
801 00:39:32,098 00:39:34,033 Hey, where you going? Hey, where you going?
802 00:39:34,066 00:39:36,002 Fuck, he has my phone. Fuck, he has my phone.
803 00:39:36,035 00:39:40,172 Yes, 267 Wildwood Lanes, okay? Yes, 267 Wildwood Lanes, okay?
804 00:39:40,206 00:39:41,907 - I need to get out of here. - Happy new year! - I need to get out of here. - Happy new year!
805 00:39:41,941 00:39:44,143 So if anybody can come get me in just under 45 minutes, So if anybody can come get me in just under 45 minutes,
806 00:39:44,176 00:39:46,012 I'll pay them double, okay? I'll pay them double, okay?
807 00:39:46,045 00:39:48,114 Okay? Okay?
808 00:39:48,147 00:39:50,716 Haven't seen my phone, have you? Haven't seen my phone, have you?
809 00:39:50,750 00:39:52,018 Unh-unh. Unh-unh.
810 00:39:52,051 00:39:54,253 Damn it. Damn it.
811 00:39:57,323 00:40:00,726 You really packing some heat there, huh? You really packing some heat there, huh?
812 00:40:00,760 00:40:02,094 Yeah. Yeah.
813 00:40:02,128 00:40:05,965 No, I'm just talking about the guns, but... No, I'm just talking about the guns, but...
814 00:40:05,998 00:40:07,933 Yeah. Yeah.
815 00:40:07,967 00:40:10,136 Give me that dick. Give me that dick.
816 00:40:14,840 00:40:17,843 Psyche. It's not even loaded. Psyche. It's not even loaded.
817 00:40:17,877 00:40:20,046 - But you are. - Shut up. - But you are. - Shut up.
818 00:40:20,079 00:40:21,613 Just a little. Just a little.
819 00:40:21,647 00:40:23,082 I really need to get out of here. I really need to get out of here.
820 00:40:23,115 00:40:25,084 Promise I won't tell anybody. Promise I won't tell anybody.
821 00:40:25,117 00:40:28,020 You know what, no, no, I-I've asked you nicely already. You know what, no, no, I-I've asked you nicely already.
822 00:40:28,054 00:40:30,622 Okay, let's just... Okay, let's just...
823 00:40:30,656 00:40:32,858 Holy shit. Holy shit.
824 00:40:32,892 00:40:35,361 - What? - My boyfriend's here. - What? - My boyfriend's here.
825 00:40:35,394 00:40:36,862 - What? - He'll kill you. - What? - He'll kill you.
826 00:40:36,896 00:40:38,664 Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.
827 00:40:48,941 00:40:50,643 Bye. Bye.
828 00:40:50,676 00:40:52,577 Baby. Baby.
829 00:40:54,346 00:40:56,614 Somebody call? Somebody call?
830 00:40:56,649 00:41:00,252 A really dirty girl? A really dirty girl?
831 00:41:00,286 00:41:03,823 That pussy better be as tight as it was when I left this morning. That pussy better be as tight as it was when I left this morning.
832 00:41:07,359 00:41:09,628 Christ. Christ.
833 00:41:09,662 00:41:10,963 That was a long-ass day. That was a long-ass day.
834 00:41:10,996 00:41:13,365 10 hours of non-stop bullshit. 10 hours of non-stop bullshit.
835 00:41:13,399 00:41:15,868 I need it. Let's lock and load. I need it. Let's lock and load.
836 00:41:15,901 00:41:19,738 I'm on it. Let's do it. I'm on it. Let's do it.
837 00:41:19,772 00:41:22,942 Oh, yes. Oh, yes.
838 00:41:22,975 00:41:26,178 Yes. Yes.
839 00:41:26,212 00:41:28,380 Oh, God, yes. Oh, God, yes.
840 00:41:32,451 00:41:34,120 Oh, baby. Oh, baby.
841 00:41:49,735 00:41:51,036 Could have been you. Could have been you.
842 00:41:53,205 00:41:54,907 What? What?
843 00:41:57,042 00:41:58,811 C-Could you have been you. C-Could you have been you.
844 00:41:58,844 00:42:01,981 Like... like, um, like the 50 Cent song Like... like, um, like the 50 Cent song
845 00:42:02,014 00:42:05,851 because you love 50 and I love 50. because you love 50 and I love 50.
846 00:42:05,885 00:42:08,187 And that's just what I always think about And that's just what I always think about
847 00:42:08,220 00:42:10,156 when I'm taking care of my man. when I'm taking care of my man.
848 00:42:10,189 00:42:12,224 Oh, baby. Let's get horizontal, Oh, baby. Let's get horizontal,
849 00:42:12,258 00:42:14,126 then tomorrow Red Lobster. then tomorrow Red Lobster.
850 00:42:14,160 00:42:15,394 Yay! Yay!
851 00:42:15,427 00:42:17,096 Get up here. Get up here.
852 00:42:34,980 00:42:36,215 Sorry about that, man. Sorry about that, man.
853 00:42:36,248 00:42:38,417 I was a bit creeped out back there. I was a bit creeped out back there.
854 00:42:40,920 00:42:43,189 - This is yours. - Holy shit, thank you. - This is yours. - Holy shit, thank you.
855 00:42:43,222 00:42:45,024 Don't thank me. Thank your friend Chip. Don't thank me. Thank your friend Chip.
856 00:42:45,057 00:42:47,893 He called you like 12 times on the phone. He called you like 12 times on the phone.
857 00:42:47,927 00:42:50,062 - Chip. - Come on, let's go, man. - Chip. - Come on, let's go, man.
858 00:42:50,095 00:42:51,430 I've got radio in the morning. I've got radio in the morning.
859 00:42:51,463 00:42:53,199 Yeah, and I'm Jeff Gordon. Yeah, and I'm Jeff Gordon.
860 00:43:01,540 00:43:03,075 I'm sorry you had to see this, I'm sorry you had to see this,
861 00:43:03,108 00:43:05,144 but a gal's gotta have her beauty routine. but a gal's gotta have her beauty routine.
862 00:43:05,177 00:43:07,046 Don't look at me, I'm hideous. Don't look at me, I'm hideous.
863 00:43:07,079 00:43:08,247 Night, Chris. Night, Chris.
864 00:43:08,280 00:43:09,748 Love you, bud. Love you, bud.
865 00:43:16,155 00:43:19,191 Where's my little guy? Where's my little guy?
866 00:43:19,225 00:43:21,260 Where's my little guy? Where's my little guy?
867 00:43:21,293 00:43:23,028 Will, it's radio time. Will, it's radio time.
868 00:43:23,062 00:43:24,797 Come on, you sweet little pea pea. Come on, you sweet little pea pea.
869 00:43:27,399 00:43:28,834 Let's do it. Let's do it.
870 00:43:33,839 00:43:37,509 The cop was there the whole time. The cop was there the whole time.
871 00:43:37,543 00:43:41,080 And it was insane. Just staring. And... And it was insane. Just staring. And...
872 00:43:41,113 00:43:44,149 Holy shit, dude, that is a crazy story. Holy shit, dude, that is a crazy story.
873 00:43:44,183 00:43:46,885 I'm sorry I left you with her, but that's fucking funny. I'm sorry I left you with her, but that's fucking funny.
874 00:43:46,919 00:43:48,988 Fuck you, Chris. Fuck you, Chris.
875 00:43:49,021 00:43:51,090 Hey, yo, I got to stay back here Hey, yo, I got to stay back here
876 00:43:51,123 00:43:52,258 but I got to handle some shit, alright? but I got to handle some shit, alright?
877 00:43:52,291 00:43:54,026 Alright. Alright.
878 00:44:05,871 00:44:07,339 Chris, hey. Hey, baby. Chris, hey. Hey, baby.
879 00:44:07,373 00:44:09,108 Randy's psyched to have you back on the show, man. Randy's psyched to have you back on the show, man.
880 00:44:09,141 00:44:10,843 - We all are. - Thank you. - We all are. - Thank you.
881 00:44:10,876 00:44:12,011 I haven't seeing you since... I haven't seeing you since...
882 00:44:12,044 00:44:13,512 Oh, my God, last time I saw you, Oh, my God, last time I saw you,
883 00:44:13,545 00:44:15,347 did you end up hooking up with that blonde? did you end up hooking up with that blonde?
884 00:44:15,381 00:44:17,182 - Blonde? - The doctor, the blonde, - Blonde? - The doctor, the blonde,
885 00:44:17,216 00:44:18,484 the hot-ass blonde. the hot-ass blonde.
886 00:44:18,517 00:44:20,853 - Not sure I remember. - You don't re... - Not sure I remember. - You don't re...
887 00:44:20,886 00:44:23,989 Jesus Christ, I'd remember her for the rest of my life. Jesus Christ, I'd remember her for the rest of my life.
888 00:44:24,023 00:44:25,424 - Who is this? - Oh, this is Will. - Who is this? - Oh, this is Will.
889 00:44:25,457 00:44:26,859 He is emceeing this weekend. He is emceeing this weekend.
890 00:44:26,892 00:44:28,560 Super funny guy. Is there room for him? Super funny guy. Is there room for him?
891 00:44:28,594 00:44:30,929 Yeah. You got to share a mic, though. Yeah. You got to share a mic, though.
892 00:44:32,331 00:44:33,599 It's alright. It's alright.
893 00:44:37,303 00:44:40,339 And we're back from the break, y'alls guys. And we're back from the break, y'alls guys.
894 00:44:40,372 00:44:43,008 Our next guest can be seen yuk-yuking it up this weeked Our next guest can be seen yuk-yuking it up this weeked
895 00:44:43,042 00:44:46,111 at the Pennsylvania Improv with headliner Billy G. at the Pennsylvania Improv with headliner Billy G.
896 00:44:46,145 00:44:50,482 For WGHS's Friday funnies sponsored by Kirby's Donuts, For WGHS's Friday funnies sponsored by Kirby's Donuts,
897 00:44:50,516 00:44:55,020 please welcome my good buddy Chris Palmer and... please welcome my good buddy Chris Palmer and...
898 00:44:55,054 00:44:56,889 Will. Will Chu. Will. Will Chu.
899 00:44:56,922 00:44:58,457 Welcome to the Morning Zoo, fellas. Welcome to the Morning Zoo, fellas.
900 00:44:58,490 00:45:00,559 Oh, you know, Randy let me just say Oh, you know, Randy let me just say
901 00:45:00,592 00:45:03,028 from the bottom of my heart, you're welcome. from the bottom of my heart, you're welcome.
902 00:45:05,431 00:45:06,932 Well, Chris, last time you were in town, Well, Chris, last time you were in town,
903 00:45:06,965 00:45:09,234 I went and saw your set. It was hilarious. I went and saw your set. It was hilarious.
904 00:45:09,268 00:45:10,536 The ladies really dig this guy. The ladies really dig this guy.
905 00:45:10,569 00:45:12,104 - We love him. - Thank you again. - We love him. - Thank you again.
906 00:45:12,137 00:45:13,505 You know, when I came back from that show, You know, when I came back from that show,
907 00:45:13,539 00:45:15,341 I was telling these guys about your Florida bit, I was telling these guys about your Florida bit,
908 00:45:15,374 00:45:18,210 and I was hoping you would grace us with it. and I was hoping you would grace us with it.
909 00:45:18,243 00:45:19,912 For you, anything. For you, anything.
910 00:45:19,945 00:45:22,014 Yeah, Florida man, so Florida man, Yeah, Florida man, so Florida man,
911 00:45:22,047 00:45:24,350 are we ever going to see a headline are we ever going to see a headline
912 00:45:24,383 00:45:27,252 that's good that has the phrase "a Florida man"? that's good that has the phrase "a Florida man"?
913 00:45:27,286 00:45:28,320 You guys know what I'm talking about? You guys know what I'm talking about?
914 00:45:28,354 00:45:30,255 It's always "a Florida man It's always "a Florida man
915 00:45:30,289 00:45:33,325 claims his wife was kidnapped by holograms." claims his wife was kidnapped by holograms."
916 00:45:33,359 00:45:36,929 Or "a Florida man set fire to his apartment complex Or "a Florida man set fire to his apartment complex
917 00:45:36,962 00:45:39,264 because his landlord told him to stop masturbating because his landlord told him to stop masturbating
918 00:45:39,298 00:45:42,034 in front his windows." I mean, what's next? in front his windows." I mean, what's next?
919 00:45:42,067 00:45:46,939 "A Florida man saves another Florida man from a Florida man"? "A Florida man saves another Florida man from a Florida man"?
920 00:45:46,972 00:45:49,007 Love it, love it. I love it. Love it, love it. I love it.
921 00:45:50,643 00:45:52,044 Did you guys know that Did you guys know that
922 00:45:52,077 00:45:54,380 Ponce de Leon discovered Florida? Ponce de Leon discovered Florida?
923 00:45:54,413 00:45:57,616 So he was looking for the fountain of youth, So he was looking for the fountain of youth,
924 00:45:57,650 00:46:00,986 and I don't know if you guys have been to Florida lately, and I don't know if you guys have been to Florida lately,
925 00:46:01,019 00:46:03,322 but it's not definitely not in Florida. but it's not definitely not in Florida.
926 00:46:07,159 00:46:09,361 So, uh, Will, what's going on in your world? So, uh, Will, what's going on in your world?
927 00:46:09,395 00:46:12,564 Oh, well, this guy had a little adventure last night, Oh, well, this guy had a little adventure last night,
928 00:46:12,598 00:46:13,700 right, pal? right, pal?
929 00:46:13,733 00:46:15,300 I don't think I want to talk... I don't think I want to talk...
930 00:46:15,334 00:46:17,069 Come on, it's live radio. Give us something, buddy. Come on, it's live radio. Give us something, buddy.
931 00:46:17,102 00:46:18,937 - Dish. - Have at it. - Dish. - Have at it.
932 00:46:18,971 00:46:22,474 I ended up in a cab with a very nice young lady last night. I ended up in a cab with a very nice young lady last night.
933 00:46:22,508 00:46:24,476 And she was trying to hook up with me. And she was trying to hook up with me.
934 00:46:24,510 00:46:26,512 But I have a girlfriend back... But I have a girlfriend back...
935 00:46:26,545 00:46:30,115 Uh-oh. - And then what happened? Uh-oh. - And then what happened?
936 00:46:30,149 00:46:33,185 So I jumped out of a window of her trailer So I jumped out of a window of her trailer
937 00:46:33,218 00:46:37,256 because her boyfriend pulled up and he was a police officer. because her boyfriend pulled up and he was a police officer.
938 00:46:37,289 00:46:41,093 And let's just say he really knows And let's just say he really knows
939 00:46:41,126 00:46:43,228 how to blow off some steam. how to blow off some steam.
940 00:46:47,433 00:46:50,235 Like, he... he knows how to blow off some steam. Like, he... he knows how to blow off some steam.
941 00:46:50,269 00:46:52,037 We heard it. We heard it.
942 00:46:52,070 00:46:53,706 Okay, Will, this is the Friday funnies. Okay, Will, this is the Friday funnies.
943 00:46:53,740 00:46:57,509 Why don't you try giving us something funny? Why don't you try giving us something funny?
944 00:46:57,543 00:46:59,611 Okay, so I'm from Ohio. Okay, so I'm from Ohio.
945 00:46:59,646 00:47:02,347 - Boo. - Come on. - Boo. - Come on.
946 00:47:02,381 00:47:05,350 - Originally I was from Kansas. - That's not funny either. - Originally I was from Kansas. - That's not funny either.
947 00:47:05,384 00:47:06,653 Alright, let's check in with Bill Alright, let's check in with Bill
948 00:47:06,686 00:47:08,520 and hear about this weekend's weather. and hear about this weekend's weather.
949 00:47:08,554 00:47:10,556 Okay, this weekend's forecast, Okay, this weekend's forecast,
950 00:47:10,589 00:47:12,191 going to be a good one, Zoo Crew. going to be a good one, Zoo Crew.
951 00:47:12,224 00:47:13,726 - Friday... - What am I looking at here? - Friday... - What am I looking at here?
952 00:47:13,760 00:47:15,360 'Cause I want to be prepared. 'Cause I want to be prepared.
953 00:47:15,394 00:47:17,996 Alright, Friday is sunny with a high of 70 degrees. Alright, Friday is sunny with a high of 70 degrees.
954 00:47:18,030 00:47:21,300 Whoo, cotton T's, capri pants, open-toed sandals, ladies SPF15. Whoo, cotton T's, capri pants, open-toed sandals, ladies SPF15.
955 00:47:21,333 00:47:24,236 Saturday is sunny with a high of 76 degrees. Saturday is sunny with a high of 76 degrees.
956 00:47:24,269 00:47:27,740 Tank top, cut-offs, flip-flops, SPF30. Tank top, cut-offs, flip-flops, SPF30.
957 00:47:27,774 00:47:30,576 And Sunday, we got a high of 82 degrees. And Sunday, we got a high of 82 degrees.
958 00:47:30,609 00:47:34,346 I'm calling sports bra, no bottoms, barefoot, SPF50. I'm calling sports bra, no bottoms, barefoot, SPF50.
959 00:47:34,379 00:47:37,717 - You rock, Bill. - No, Val, you rock. - You rock, Bill. - No, Val, you rock.
960 00:47:37,750 00:47:39,051 What's the news? What's the news?
961 00:47:39,084 00:47:40,586 - Huey Lewis. - Huey Lewis. - Huey Lewis. - Huey Lewis.
962 00:47:42,554 00:47:43,790 Back to you, Randy. Back to you, Randy.
963 00:47:43,823 00:47:45,624 Alright, as you know, Friday funnies Alright, as you know, Friday funnies
964 00:47:45,658 00:47:47,493 is brought to you by Kirby's Donuts is brought to you by Kirby's Donuts
965 00:47:47,526 00:47:49,027 and I love them. We all do. and I love them. We all do.
966 00:47:49,061 00:47:50,395 Stop by and see them. Stop by and see them.
967 00:47:50,429 00:47:52,297 And as a matter of fact, during the next break And as a matter of fact, during the next break
968 00:47:52,331 00:47:54,566 I will finally sink my teeth into that éclair I will finally sink my teeth into that éclair
969 00:47:54,600 00:47:57,737 that I've been eying for the past 45 minutes. that I've been eying for the past 45 minutes.
970 00:47:57,770 00:48:00,172 Big thanks to Kirby's Donuts. Big thanks to Kirby's Donuts.
971 00:48:00,205 00:48:03,275 And a big thanks to Chris and Willie from the Improv. And a big thanks to Chris and Willie from the Improv.
972 00:48:03,308 00:48:05,277 Go see them this weekend. They're performing with Billy G. Go see them this weekend. They're performing with Billy G.
973 00:48:05,310 00:48:09,314 We will be right back. We will be right back.
974 00:48:09,348 00:48:11,049 Boom. Alright. Boom. Alright.
975 00:48:11,083 00:48:13,452 Hey, thanks for coming in, fellas. Hey, thanks for coming in, fellas.
976 00:48:13,485 00:48:15,822 Alright. Alright.
977 00:48:15,855 00:48:17,289 What the fuck? What the fuck?
978 00:48:20,693 00:48:22,528 Did you eat my éclair? Did you eat my éclair?
979 00:48:24,831 00:48:26,532 Yes. Yes.
980 00:48:26,565 00:48:29,134 I'm... I'm... I'm sorry I didn't know it was yours. I'm... I'm... I'm sorry I didn't know it was yours.
981 00:48:29,167 00:48:30,402 I can just go get another one. I can just go get another one.
982 00:48:30,435 00:48:32,504 Like... Like, do you want me to go get another one for you? Like... Like, do you want me to go get another one for you?
983 00:48:32,538 00:48:33,605 Hey, thanks for coming in, Chris. Hey, thanks for coming in, Chris.
984 00:48:33,640 00:48:35,407 Always good to see you, buddy. Always good to see you, buddy.
985 00:48:35,440 00:48:37,309 Was it at Wrigley's Donuts? I'm so sorry. I really didn't... Was it at Wrigley's Donuts? I'm so sorry. I really didn't...
986 00:48:37,342 00:48:40,212 - Hey, other comic. - You're on a roll, my friend. - Hey, other comic. - You're on a roll, my friend.
987 00:48:47,452 00:48:50,255 - Dude. - Whoa. - Dude. - Whoa.
988 00:48:50,289 00:48:51,523 You had chocolate on your face You had chocolate on your face
989 00:48:51,557 00:48:53,492 the whole time he was yelling at you. the whole time he was yelling at you.
990 00:48:53,525 00:48:56,261 They got a picture of it online too, dawg. They got a picture of it online too, dawg.
991 00:48:56,295 00:48:57,496 What? What?
992 00:48:57,529 00:48:58,765 Oh, come... That is uncalled for. Oh, come... That is uncalled for.
993 00:48:58,798 00:49:02,635 - Oh, nice. - Yeah. - Oh, nice. - Yeah.
994 00:49:02,669 00:49:04,837 I could look at this all day. I could look at this all day.
995 00:49:04,871 00:49:06,138 Let's get out of here, man. Let's get out of here, man.
996 00:49:06,171 00:49:07,539 - Okay. - Yeah, of course. - Okay. - Yeah, of course.
997 00:49:07,573 00:49:09,308 - Dude, we got you. - Hey guys. - Dude, we got you. - Hey guys.
998 00:49:09,341 00:49:11,744 I love Chris Palmer. Great comic, great comic. I love Chris Palmer. Great comic, great comic.
999 00:49:11,778 00:49:14,413 Comes in, funny. Just funny. Comes in, funny. Just funny.
1000 00:49:14,446 00:49:17,850 I mean, I love everyone. I'll give anyone a shot. I mean, I love everyone. I'll give anyone a shot.
1001 00:49:17,884 00:49:19,418 Some guys just don't get it. Some guys just don't get it.
1002 00:49:19,451 00:49:21,153 Some guys just don't know the game. Some guys just don't know the game.
1003 00:49:21,186 00:49:22,521 - Who? - Who? - Who? - Who?
1004 00:49:22,554 00:49:24,389 That douche, that open mic douche. That douche, that open mic douche.
1005 00:49:24,423 00:49:26,625 Walt, Willie, Wally, whatever his name was. Walt, Willie, Wally, whatever his name was.
1006 00:49:26,659 00:49:28,627 - Who cares. - He comes in here... - Who cares. - He comes in here...
1007 00:49:28,661 00:49:30,195 - Not funny. - Unh-unh. - Not funny. - Unh-unh.
1008 00:49:30,228 00:49:31,864 - Can you just turn that down? - Sure, sure. - Can you just turn that down? - Sure, sure.
1009 00:49:31,898 00:49:33,565 So he comes in here, So he comes in here,
1010 00:49:33,599 00:49:35,534 stinks up the place with a horrible joke. stinks up the place with a horrible joke.
1011 00:49:35,567 00:49:38,136 Every time he talked, it was just, "Ugh, who cares?" Every time he talked, it was just, "Ugh, who cares?"
1012 00:49:38,170 00:49:39,672 You know, he's got no future in comedy. You know, he's got no future in comedy.
1013 00:49:39,706 00:49:42,574 No charisma. Chris has charisma. And then... No charisma. Chris has charisma. And then...
1014 00:49:42,608 00:49:44,343 Okay, maybe just change the channel. Okay, maybe just change the channel.
1015 00:49:44,376 00:49:46,211 - Yeah, of course. - Course. - Yeah, of course. - Course.
1016 00:49:46,244 00:49:48,614 He ate the only thing I wanted in that box of donuts. He ate the only thing I wanted in that box of donuts.
1017 00:49:48,648 00:49:50,582 I looked forward to it all week. I looked forward to it all week.
1018 00:49:50,616 00:49:53,485 And that little bitch ate it. He ate it. His jokes ate it. And that little bitch ate it. He ate it. His jokes ate it.
1019 00:49:53,518 00:49:56,588 His jokes stunk. Stink, stank, stunk. His jokes stunk. Stink, stank, stunk.
1020 00:49:56,622 00:49:58,725 - It smells so bad in here. - I feel sick. - It smells so bad in here. - I feel sick.
1021 00:49:58,758 00:50:00,660 So if you want to see a great show this weekend So if you want to see a great show this weekend
1022 00:50:00,693 00:50:03,328 at the Improv, go see Billy G and Chris Palmer. at the Improv, go see Billy G and Chris Palmer.
1023 00:50:03,362 00:50:04,797 But if the show starts at 8:00, But if the show starts at 8:00,
1024 00:50:04,831 00:50:07,599 show up at at 8:15 after that "comedian" is done. show up at at 8:15 after that "comedian" is done.
1025 00:50:07,634 00:50:09,869 - Ugh. - With his awful comedy. - Ugh. - With his awful comedy.
1026 00:50:09,902 00:50:11,570 Or if you do show up, matter of fact, Or if you do show up, matter of fact,
1027 00:50:11,603 00:50:13,673 if you do show up, boo him. if you do show up, boo him.
1028 00:50:13,706 00:50:15,742 You know why? Because Ohio sucks. You know why? Because Ohio sucks.
1029 00:50:15,775 00:50:19,478 Boo that pig from Ohio that ate my goddamn éclair. Boo that pig from Ohio that ate my goddamn éclair.
1030 00:50:19,511 00:50:20,813 - Boo. Boo him. - Boo. - Boo. Boo him. - Boo.
1031 00:50:20,847 00:50:22,214 Checking traffic... Checking traffic...
1032 00:50:24,416 00:50:27,920 Ohhh. Ohhh.
1033 00:50:27,954 00:50:29,856 Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
1034 00:50:37,229 00:50:38,965 Chris, thanks for waking up early to do press. Chris, thanks for waking up early to do press.
1035 00:50:38,998 00:50:42,267 - Sure thing. - Will. - Sure thing. - Will.
1036 00:50:42,300 00:50:43,736 You're on a short leash. You're on a short leash.
1037 00:50:43,770 00:50:45,604 Well, I-I didn't know he was going to get... Well, I-I didn't know he was going to get...
1038 00:50:45,638 00:50:48,641 That was live on the radio. The whole city heard it. That was live on the radio. The whole city heard it.
1039 00:50:48,675 00:50:50,208 This is my business. This is my business.
1040 00:50:50,242 00:50:52,344 And you made my business look really bad. And you made my business look really bad.
1041 00:50:52,377 00:50:54,479 Well, I thought maybe I was just making myself Well, I thought maybe I was just making myself
1042 00:50:54,513 00:50:57,784 - look really bad and... - And you're working at my club, - look really bad and... - And you're working at my club,
1043 00:50:57,817 00:51:00,753 hence my club looks bad. hence my club looks bad.
1044 00:51:00,787 00:51:02,454 That's strike one, Will. That's strike one, Will.
1045 00:51:09,629 00:51:11,263 That was pretty bad, huh? That was pretty bad, huh?
1046 00:51:11,296 00:51:13,365 Eh, just have some great sets. He'll get over it. Eh, just have some great sets. He'll get over it.
1047 00:51:13,398 00:51:14,566 You think so? You think so?
1048 00:51:14,599 00:51:17,536 Eh, 50/50. Eh, 50/50.
1049 00:51:17,569 00:51:20,405 Whew. Lunch, Willy boy. My treat, baby. Whew. Lunch, Willy boy. My treat, baby.
1050 00:51:23,375 00:51:24,811 So, look, want to go into the city tomorrow So, look, want to go into the city tomorrow
1051 00:51:24,844 00:51:26,545 and hit up that Warhol Museum? and hit up that Warhol Museum?
1052 00:51:26,578 00:51:27,914 Yeah, sure. Yeah, sure.
1053 00:51:27,947 00:51:30,683 My God. My God.
1054 00:51:30,717 00:51:33,786 So there's coleslaw and fries inside of the sandwich? So there's coleslaw and fries inside of the sandwich?
1055 00:51:33,820 00:51:35,353 How did you find this place? How did you find this place?
1056 00:51:35,387 00:51:37,289 Well, when you're on the road 40 weeks a year, Well, when you're on the road 40 weeks a year,
1057 00:51:37,322 00:51:38,825 you get to know the spots. you get to know the spots.
1058 00:51:38,858 00:51:42,294 Philly, Geno's cheese steaks. Cinci, Skyline chilli. Philly, Geno's cheese steaks. Cinci, Skyline chilli.
1059 00:51:42,327 00:51:43,963 D.C., Ben's Chili Bowl. D.C., Ben's Chili Bowl.
1060 00:51:43,996 00:51:46,632 San Jose, Original Joe's. San Jose, Original Joe's.
1061 00:51:46,666 00:51:49,902 Plus there's a lot of ass in here. Plus there's a lot of ass in here.
1062 00:51:49,936 00:51:52,437 - She is so hot. - I think she can hear you. - She is so hot. - I think she can hear you.
1063 00:51:52,471 00:51:54,306 Oh, I hope so. Oh, I hope so.
1064 00:51:54,339 00:51:56,008 How about you? How do you write? How about you? How do you write?
1065 00:51:56,042 00:51:57,810 Well, I think of something that I think is funny, Well, I think of something that I think is funny,
1066 00:51:57,844 00:51:59,544 and then I go on stage and I talk about it. and then I go on stage and I talk about it.
1067 00:51:59,578 00:52:00,713 And then I talk until they laugh. And then I talk until they laugh.
1068 00:52:00,747 00:52:02,982 - That's it. Easy. - That's brave. - That's it. Easy. - That's brave.
1069 00:52:03,015 00:52:04,984 I-I don't know if I can trust myself that much. I-I don't know if I can trust myself that much.
1070 00:52:05,017 00:52:06,719 I need to plan everything out. I need to plan everything out.
1071 00:52:06,753 00:52:08,721 Well, look, I got three weeks left on the road, Well, look, I got three weeks left on the road,
1072 00:52:08,755 00:52:11,289 and then I am moving to L.A., baby. and then I am moving to L.A., baby.
1073 00:52:11,323 00:52:12,658 - L.A.? - Mm-hmm. - L.A.? - Mm-hmm.
1074 00:52:12,692 00:52:13,893 Why not New York City? Why not New York City?
1075 00:52:13,926 00:52:16,996 So you make 50 bucks a show emceeing. So you make 50 bucks a show emceeing.
1076 00:52:17,029 00:52:18,597 And then you're going to emcee for a few years And then you're going to emcee for a few years
1077 00:52:18,631 00:52:20,599 to build your way up to featuring like me. to build your way up to featuring like me.
1078 00:52:20,633 00:52:22,334 And then you do that for a few years, And then you do that for a few years,
1079 00:52:22,367 00:52:23,870 making a 100 bucks a show, which is still shit money. making a 100 bucks a show, which is still shit money.
1080 00:52:23,903 00:52:25,604 And then you're going to want to headline And then you're going to want to headline
1081 00:52:25,638 00:52:27,039 to make the big bucks, right? to make the big bucks, right?
1082 00:52:27,073 00:52:29,008 Well, nobody's going to book you to headline Well, nobody's going to book you to headline
1083 00:52:29,041 00:52:30,643 unless you've got a TV credit. unless you've got a TV credit.
1084 00:52:30,676 00:52:31,944 And you don't get a TV credit And you don't get a TV credit
1085 00:52:31,978 00:52:34,412 unless you go to New York or L.A. unless you go to New York or L.A.
1086 00:52:34,446 00:52:35,982 And L.A. has sunshine. And L.A. has sunshine.
1087 00:52:36,015 00:52:38,684 Plus L.A.'s the big show, okay? And I'm ready for it. Plus L.A.'s the big show, okay? And I'm ready for it.
1088 00:52:38,718 00:52:41,721 Get me an agent, be seen, kill it. Get me an agent, be seen, kill it.
1089 00:52:41,754 00:52:44,489 Then you got fuck you money. It's mailbox money, okay? Then you got fuck you money. It's mailbox money, okay?
1090 00:52:44,523 00:52:47,927 You get a Lambo, pussy all the time. You get a Lambo, pussy all the time.
1091 00:52:47,960 00:52:49,929 That's it. What about you? What's your plan? That's it. What about you? What's your plan?
1092 00:52:49,962 00:52:51,898 I just recently went all in on stand-up. I just recently went all in on stand-up.
1093 00:52:51,931 00:52:54,100 So that's why this weekend is so important to me. So that's why this weekend is so important to me.
1094 00:52:54,133 00:52:56,636 I'm hoping Chip will book me again. I'm hoping Chip will book me again.
1095 00:52:56,669 00:52:58,037 Hey, ever work with Billy G before? Hey, ever work with Billy G before?
1096 00:52:58,070 00:52:59,839 Once, a long time ago. Once, a long time ago.
1097 00:52:59,872 00:53:01,473 Look, I liked that dude when I was a kid, Look, I liked that dude when I was a kid,
1098 00:53:01,506 00:53:04,076 but he hasn't done shit in what, 15 years? but he hasn't done shit in what, 15 years?
1099 00:53:04,110 00:53:05,577 Well, I think he's incredible. Well, I think he's incredible.
1100 00:53:05,610 00:53:07,647 Look, Will, I get it. He's done shit. Look, Will, I get it. He's done shit.
1101 00:53:07,680 00:53:09,882 Great. He's yesterday. Great. He's yesterday.
1102 00:53:09,916 00:53:11,818 We are tomorrow. We are tomorrow.
1103 00:53:11,851 00:53:13,853 But he's accomplished what every comic wants. But he's accomplished what every comic wants.
1104 00:53:13,886 00:53:16,555 He has an hour special that everybody can quote. He has an hour special that everybody can quote.
1105 00:53:16,588 00:53:18,758 He has a TV show that runs 24 hours a day. He has a TV show that runs 24 hours a day.
1106 00:53:18,791 00:53:20,358 The guy's a TV star. The guy's a TV star.
1107 00:53:20,392 00:53:21,994 Was a TV star. Was a TV star.
1108 00:53:22,028 00:53:23,996 Well, he's still an idol of mine. Well, he's still an idol of mine.
1109 00:53:26,632 00:53:28,466 Holy cow, what is it? Holy cow, what is it?
1110 00:53:28,500 00:53:30,402 Planet of the eights in here? Planet of the eights in here?
1111 00:53:32,171 00:53:33,806 See what I did with the title of the movie? See what I did with the title of the movie?
1112 00:53:33,840 00:53:35,141 Yeah, that's "Planet of the Apes," Yeah, that's "Planet of the Apes,"
1113 00:53:35,174 00:53:36,843 - planet of the eights. - Uh-huh. - planet of the eights. - Uh-huh.
1114 00:53:36,876 00:53:38,811 - Yeah, that's a good one. - He got it. - Yeah, that's a good one. - He got it.
1115 00:53:44,750 00:53:46,152 William, last night, William, last night,
1116 00:53:46,185 00:53:48,553 I went to my favorite late-night noodle spot. I went to my favorite late-night noodle spot.
1117 00:53:48,587 00:53:51,489 And I must have butt dialed you five or six times. And I must have butt dialed you five or six times.
1118 00:53:51,523 00:53:53,159 I-I didn't even notice. I-I didn't even notice.
1119 00:53:53,192 00:53:58,130 You didn't notice that I called you 6, 8, 12 times? You didn't notice that I called you 6, 8, 12 times?
1120 00:53:58,164 00:54:01,000 Well, I, like, lost my phone for a while. Well, I, like, lost my phone for a while.
1121 00:54:01,033 00:54:04,637 My cat, Tchaikovsky, died. My cat, Tchaikovsky, died.
1122 00:54:08,440 00:54:09,809 Have a great show. Have a great show.
1123 00:54:09,842 00:54:11,409 Thank you. Thank you.
1124 00:54:11,443 00:54:13,045 Friday night, let me hear you. Friday night, let me hear you.
1125 00:54:13,079 00:54:16,115 Who's ready for a great show tonight? Who's ready for a great show tonight?
1126 00:54:16,148 00:54:17,817 It's called duck l'orange. It's called duck l'orange.
1127 00:54:17,850 00:54:19,517 I'll let you make it for me sometime. I'll let you make it for me sometime.
1128 00:54:19,551 00:54:21,787 I'm fucking around. I'll make it for you. I'm fucking around. I'll make it for you.
1129 00:54:21,821 00:54:23,656 Yo, there's my guy. Yo, there's my guy.
1130 00:54:23,689 00:54:24,924 Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy.
1131 00:54:24,957 00:54:27,459 Two shows tonight. Let's kill it. Two shows tonight. Let's kill it.
1132 00:54:27,492 00:54:29,695 I think maybe I should wait until the second show. I think maybe I should wait until the second show.
1133 00:54:29,729 00:54:32,597 It's your first weekend, bud. Let's do this. It's your first weekend, bud. Let's do this.
1134 00:54:32,632 00:54:35,935 Boom. Mm. Boom. Mm.
1135 00:54:35,968 00:54:38,871 Alrighty. Love it. Alrighty. Love it.
1136 00:54:38,905 00:54:41,506 Show your love for your emcee for the night. Show your love for your emcee for the night.
1137 00:54:41,539 00:54:44,043 He does clubs and colleges all over the city. He does clubs and colleges all over the city.
1138 00:54:44,076 00:54:47,213 Put your hands together for Will Chu. Put your hands together for Will Chu.
1139 00:54:50,850 00:54:52,985 Hey. Hey.
1140 00:54:53,019 00:54:55,755 What's up, Pennsylvania? How you guys doing tonight? What's up, Pennsylvania? How you guys doing tonight?
1141 00:54:57,790 00:55:01,861 Awesome. What a beautiful crowd, right? Awesome. What a beautiful crowd, right?
1142 00:55:01,894 00:55:06,165 I see a lot of pretty girls here in Pennsylvania. I see a lot of pretty girls here in Pennsylvania.
1143 00:55:06,198 00:55:08,466 Not really here but, like, in downtown, so... Not really here but, like, in downtown, so...
1144 00:55:08,500 00:55:11,637 But you guys are okay. You guys are okay. But you guys are okay. You guys are okay.
1145 00:55:11,671 00:55:14,506 But I think there's one thing we can all agree on, right? But I think there's one thing we can all agree on, right?
1146 00:55:14,539 00:55:18,044 - Ohio sucks. - What? - Ohio sucks. - What?
1147 00:55:18,077 00:55:19,845 Friday funnies. Friday funnies.
1148 00:55:19,879 00:55:21,781 That was a good one. That was a good one.
1149 00:55:21,814 00:55:23,683 Alright, let's try this one more time. Alright, let's try this one more time.
1150 00:55:23,716 00:55:25,251 I think, as I was saying, I think, as I was saying,
1151 00:55:25,284 00:55:28,020 I think there's one thing we can all agree on, is dating. I think there's one thing we can all agree on, is dating.
1152 00:55:28,054 00:55:29,922 Dating is just a little different now, right? Dating is just a little different now, right?
1153 00:55:29,956 00:55:32,725 Everybody made it out of their cubicle. Everybody made it out of their cubicle.
1154 00:55:32,758 00:55:35,695 Hey, Billy. It was awesome watching your set last night. Hey, Billy. It was awesome watching your set last night.
1155 00:55:35,728 00:55:38,931 You know that bit about your kids and breastfeeding? You know that bit about your kids and breastfeeding?
1156 00:55:38,965 00:55:41,267 That's one of my all-time favorite bits. That's one of my all-time favorite bits.
1157 00:55:41,300 00:55:42,935 Thanks. Thanks.
1158 00:55:42,969 00:55:45,738 So, hey, um, I was just wondering, So, hey, um, I was just wondering,
1159 00:55:45,771 00:55:47,673 tomorrow can I maybe take you out for lunch tomorrow can I maybe take you out for lunch
1160 00:55:47,707 00:55:50,076 and just ask you for some advice? and just ask you for some advice?
1161 00:55:50,109 00:55:51,811 You know, like, about stand-up? You know, like, about stand-up?
1162 00:55:57,549 00:56:01,253 "Tonight Show," book for sale after the show, "Tonight Show," book for sale after the show,
1163 00:56:01,287 00:56:04,090 "I got you this time," "Oh, That Billy." "I got you this time," "Oh, That Billy."
1164 00:56:07,259 00:56:08,894 Thanks. Thanks.
1165 00:56:11,596 00:56:12,965 Anybody do some day drinking today? Anybody do some day drinking today?
1166 00:56:14,867 00:56:18,070 The dude passed out in the back, that's my kind of day drinker. The dude passed out in the back, that's my kind of day drinker.
1167 00:56:18,104 00:56:19,571 - Hell yeah. - Hey, what's up, man? - Hell yeah. - Hey, what's up, man?
1168 00:56:19,604 00:56:21,539 - Hey, man. - You hanging after the show? - Hey, man. - You hanging after the show?
1169 00:56:21,573 00:56:22,975 - Sure. - Cool. You smoke? - Sure. - Cool. You smoke?
1170 00:56:23,009 00:56:24,677 - Not really. - Blow? - Not really. - Blow?
1171 00:56:24,710 00:56:25,878 Definitely not. Definitely not.
1172 00:56:25,911 00:56:27,313 Alright. Try and go to a strip club? Alright. Try and go to a strip club?
1173 00:56:27,346 00:56:30,316 - It's not really my speed. - Oh, you pop pills? - It's not really my speed. - Oh, you pop pills?
1174 00:56:30,349 00:56:33,285 Ricky, I feel like I'm not a great hang for you. Ricky, I feel like I'm not a great hang for you.
1175 00:56:33,319 00:56:36,022 - I'll break you. - Sir, are you guys married? - I'll break you. - Sir, are you guys married?
1176 00:56:36,055 00:56:38,623 Yep, you don't seem too sure, okay. Yep, you don't seem too sure, okay.
1177 00:56:38,657 00:56:40,026 Hell yeah, Pennsylvania, Hell yeah, Pennsylvania,
1178 00:56:40,059 00:56:42,728 you guys are dirty as shit, and I love it. you guys are dirty as shit, and I love it.
1179 00:56:42,762 00:56:44,562 Give it up for yourselves, everybody. Give it up for yourselves, everybody.
1180 00:56:44,596 00:56:46,932 Yeah. Yeah.
1181 00:56:46,966 00:56:49,335 Deejay, kick that jam one more time. Deejay, kick that jam one more time.
1182 00:56:49,368 00:56:52,604 Peace you all. Love you. Peace you all. Love you.
1183 00:56:55,607 00:56:57,943 One more time, Chris Palmer, ladies and gentlemen. One more time, Chris Palmer, ladies and gentlemen.
1184 00:57:01,247 00:57:03,282 I can't go to a Chinese restaurant I can't go to a Chinese restaurant
1185 00:57:03,315 00:57:05,317 with white people anymore. with white people anymore.
1186 00:57:05,351 00:57:08,954 No, seriously, every time I go to the Chinese restaurant No, seriously, every time I go to the Chinese restaurant
1187 00:57:08,988 00:57:11,090 it's... wait, hang on, hang on. it's... wait, hang on, hang on.
1188 00:57:11,123 00:57:13,092 Is she... She's seriously on her phone right now. Is she... She's seriously on her phone right now.
1189 00:57:13,125 00:57:15,661 Do you guys see this? Hello? Do you guys see this? Hello?
1190 00:57:15,694 00:57:18,731 Miss, that's got to be an important phone call. Miss, that's got to be an important phone call.
1191 00:57:18,764 00:57:20,633 Hang on a minute. Who are you talking to? Hang on a minute. Who are you talking to?
1192 00:57:20,666 00:57:24,703 Who you... Let me get that. Hang on, hang on. Hang on. Who you... Let me get that. Hang on, hang on. Hang on.
1193 00:57:24,737 00:57:28,707 Hello, sir. I'm assuming it's a sir. Hello, sir. I'm assuming it's a sir.
1194 00:57:28,741 00:57:32,011 No, it's not. Oh, hey, ma'am, how are you? No, it's not. Oh, hey, ma'am, how are you?
1195 00:57:32,044 00:57:33,646 Who is this? Who is this?
1196 00:57:33,679 00:57:37,283 This is a comedian that you don't know about. This is a comedian that you don't know about.
1197 00:57:37,316 00:57:38,818 Does your friend have a boyfriend? Does your friend have a boyfriend?
1198 00:57:38,851 00:57:40,252 Yeah, his name is Tim. Yeah, his name is Tim.
1199 00:57:40,286 00:57:41,821 - And what's your name, sir? - Hank. - And what's your name, sir? - Hank.
1200 00:57:41,854 00:57:44,824 - Ohhh. Who is Hank? - Who is Hank? - Ohhh. Who is Hank? - Who is Hank?
1201 00:57:44,857 00:57:46,358 Who is Hank? I don't know. Who is Hank? I don't know.
1202 00:57:46,392 00:57:48,928 Erica is sitting next to a handsome man named Hank. Erica is sitting next to a handsome man named Hank.
1203 00:57:48,961 00:57:51,931 Is she married? Like, should somebody know about this? Is she married? Like, should somebody know about this?
1204 00:57:51,964 00:57:53,899 This getting scandalous, guys. This getting scandalous, guys.
1205 00:57:53,933 00:57:55,201 Alright, Pennsylvania Improv, Alright, Pennsylvania Improv,
1206 00:57:55,234 00:57:56,902 are you guys ready for your headliner? are you guys ready for your headliner?
1207 00:57:56,936 00:57:59,672 Okay, you've seen him Okay, you've seen him
1208 00:57:59,705 00:58:02,341 in his numerous appearances on "The Tonight Show," in his numerous appearances on "The Tonight Show,"
1209 00:58:02,374 00:58:05,010 and you read his book, the national best-seller, and you read his book, the national best-seller,
1210 00:58:05,044 00:58:06,779 "I Got You This Time." "I Got You This Time."
1211 00:58:06,812 00:58:09,048 And of course you know him for his own television show, And of course you know him for his own television show,
1212 00:58:09,081 00:58:10,282 "Oh, That Billy." "Oh, That Billy."
1213 00:58:10,316 00:58:13,185 Let's give it up for Billy G! Let's give it up for Billy G!
1214 00:58:24,263 00:58:25,698 - Alright, enjoy that book now. - Trust me, - Alright, enjoy that book now. - Trust me,
1215 00:58:25,731 00:58:27,066 - you can't afford me. - Okay. - you can't afford me. - Okay.
1216 00:58:27,099 00:58:28,400 I would come and strip for your friend, I would come and strip for your friend,
1217 00:58:28,434 00:58:30,202 but it ain't going to happen. It's too steep. but it ain't going to happen. It's too steep.
1218 00:58:30,236 00:58:32,138 Hey, Will, come here a second. Hey, Will, come here a second.
1219 00:58:32,171 00:58:33,873 I'll catch up with you guys. I'll catch up with you guys.
1220 00:58:33,906 00:58:35,841 - Yes, sir? - Lunch tomorrow. - Yes, sir? - Lunch tomorrow.
1221 00:58:35,875 00:58:37,943 - Seriously? - Dougherty's at noon. - Seriously? - Dougherty's at noon.
1222 00:58:37,977 00:58:39,378 Absolutely. I will... I'll be there. Absolutely. I will... I'll be there.
1223 00:58:39,411 00:58:43,149 - Yeah, yeah, yeah, noon. - It's a date. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, noon. - It's a date.
1224 00:58:43,182 00:58:45,384 No, it's just food and conversation. No, it's just food and conversation.
1225 00:58:45,417 00:58:47,887 - It's not a date. - Sorry, that was stupid. - It's not a date. - Sorry, that was stupid.
1226 00:58:47,920 00:58:50,055 It's not a date. But I'll see you there. It's not a date. But I'll see you there.
1227 00:58:53,325 00:58:55,794 Seriously, he said lunch tomorrow. Seriously, he said lunch tomorrow.
1228 00:58:58,397 00:59:02,234 Cool. Will, every weekend, God willing, Cool. Will, every weekend, God willing,
1229 00:59:02,268 00:59:04,803 one of your shows will have a bachelorette party. one of your shows will have a bachelorette party.
1230 00:59:07,973 00:59:10,976 - Will, I'm fucking again. - Good for you. - Will, I'm fucking again. - Good for you.
1231 00:59:11,010 00:59:12,211 Thank you. Thank you.
1232 00:59:19,852 00:59:23,055 Alright, I can do that to you. Alright, I can do that to you.
1233 00:59:23,088 00:59:24,356 Alright, see you, bud. Alright, see you, bud.
1234 00:59:36,468 00:59:39,471 Will, where the fuck you been, man? Will, where the fuck you been, man?
1235 00:59:39,505 00:59:41,307 - Right here. - Anyhoo, I'm about to go to - Right here. - Anyhoo, I'm about to go to
1236 00:59:41,340 00:59:43,042 Slappy's Mess and the strip club. Slappy's Mess and the strip club.
1237 00:59:43,075 00:59:45,110 - You trying to roll? - I'm good. - You trying to roll? - I'm good.
1238 00:59:45,144 00:59:46,845 You want some ecstasy? You want some ecstasy?
1239 00:59:46,879 00:59:49,481 - Is everything okay back home? - I'mma hug you now. - Is everything okay back home? - I'mma hug you now.
1240 00:59:49,515 00:59:52,051 Okay. Okay.
1241 00:59:52,084 00:59:53,485 Thank you. Thank you.
1242 01:00:08,167 01:00:10,069 Doing the, uh, Siberian tiger thing. Doing the, uh, Siberian tiger thing.
1243 01:00:10,102 01:00:12,938 You read about this? Mmm. You read about this? Mmm.
1244 01:00:12,972 01:00:15,941 One meal a day. It's supposed to simulate what they do. One meal a day. It's supposed to simulate what they do.
1245 01:00:15,975 01:00:18,143 Love you, bud. Love you, bud.
1246 01:00:28,153 01:00:34,793 Pick up. Pick up.
1247 01:00:34,827 01:00:36,095 Hey, Billy. Hey, Billy.
1248 01:00:36,128 01:00:39,265 Let me ask you something. Let me ask you something.
1249 01:00:39,298 01:00:41,233 Why do you want to do this? Why do you want to do this?
1250 01:00:41,267 01:00:43,936 I grew up watching stand-up. I grew up watching stand-up.
1251 01:00:43,969 01:00:45,304 My dad loves stand-up. My dad loves stand-up.
1252 01:00:45,337 01:00:47,106 And that's all we did. And that's all we did.
1253 01:00:47,139 01:00:49,241 You know some kids, like, they bond with their dads You know some kids, like, they bond with their dads
1254 01:00:49,275 01:00:51,510 watching baseball, basketball? watching baseball, basketball?
1255 01:00:51,543 01:00:53,879 We watched stand-up. We watched Eddie Murphy, We watched stand-up. We watched Eddie Murphy,
1256 01:00:53,912 01:00:55,547 we watched you, we watched Billy G. we watched you, we watched Billy G.
1257 01:00:55,581 01:00:59,084 Like, when I was 8 years old, that was, like, my shit, man. Like, when I was 8 years old, that was, like, my shit, man.
1258 01:00:59,118 01:01:01,487 - Yeah. - And, I mean, - Yeah. - And, I mean,
1259 01:01:01,520 01:01:04,523 I've always wanted to be a stand-up. I've always wanted to be a stand-up.
1260 01:01:04,556 01:01:07,259 I just... I just love it. I just... I just love it.
1261 01:01:07,293 01:01:09,862 How much you work a night? How much you work a night?
1262 01:01:09,895 01:01:11,997 I do like a 12-minute set. I do like a 12-minute set.
1263 01:01:12,031 01:01:15,901 12 minutes? That's it? 12 minutes? That's it?
1264 01:01:15,934 01:01:17,303 So how much time do you think So how much time do you think
1265 01:01:17,336 01:01:20,572 that the people who come see our shows work? that the people who come see our shows work?
1266 01:01:20,606 01:01:23,242 Every week? What do you think they work a day? Every week? What do you think they work a day?
1267 01:01:23,275 01:01:25,511 - Eight hours a day? - Eight hours. - Eight hours a day? - Eight hours.
1268 01:01:25,544 01:01:27,579 - Yeah. - Five days a week. - Yeah. - Five days a week.
1269 01:01:27,613 01:01:31,383 Alright, so now do you think that you deserve a shot Alright, so now do you think that you deserve a shot
1270 01:01:31,417 01:01:33,485 before you go and do 12 minutes? before you go and do 12 minutes?
1271 01:01:33,519 01:01:35,621 When somebody's been working all week? When somebody's been working all week?
1272 01:01:35,655 01:01:37,589 If you put it that way, no, I guess not. If you put it that way, no, I guess not.
1273 01:01:37,623 01:01:39,892 No, you do not deserve a shot. No, you do not deserve a shot.
1274 01:01:39,925 01:01:41,560 You want to be a party guy, You want to be a party guy,
1275 01:01:41,593 01:01:43,929 turn up, as the kids say... turn up, as the kids say...
1276 01:01:43,962 01:01:45,030 that's what y'all say, right? that's what y'all say, right?
1277 01:01:45,064 01:01:46,565 "I'm going to turn up." "I'm going to turn up."
1278 01:01:46,598 01:01:48,400 And that's fine. You know, some people come down, And that's fine. You know, some people come down,
1279 01:01:48,434 01:01:50,469 that's all they want to do is have a good time, that's all they want to do is have a good time,
1280 01:01:50,502 01:01:53,405 hang out in the green room, get laid, you know? hang out in the green room, get laid, you know?
1281 01:01:53,439 01:01:55,240 And eat some Cheetos. And eat some Cheetos.
1282 01:01:55,274 01:01:57,109 But you got to respect that audience. But you got to respect that audience.
1283 01:01:57,142 01:01:59,278 Do your job first. Do your job first.
1284 01:01:59,311 01:02:01,180 Mmm. Mmm.
1285 01:02:01,213 01:02:02,281 This alright, right here, man. This alright, right here, man.
1286 01:02:02,314 01:02:05,084 You ever had some of this? You ever had some of this?
1287 01:02:05,117 01:02:06,452 Taste that. Taste that.
1288 01:02:06,485 01:02:08,087 Take a little bite here. Take a little bite here.
1289 01:02:08,120 01:02:09,455 See, get that up in you. See, get that up in you.
1290 01:02:09,488 01:02:11,023 - Mmm. - What? - Mmm. - What?
1291 01:02:11,056 01:02:13,492 - Oh, my God. - Yeah. - Oh, my God. - Yeah.
1292 01:02:13,525 01:02:15,427 Do you have any advice for, like, a young comic? Do you have any advice for, like, a young comic?
1293 01:02:15,461 01:02:17,896 Like, what should I be doing? Like, what should I be doing?
1294 01:02:17,930 01:02:21,233 I'mma tell you two things. I'mma tell you two things.
1295 01:02:21,266 01:02:23,636 - Write it down. - Okay. - Write it down. - Okay.
1296 01:02:23,670 01:02:26,505 Be... Be...
1297 01:02:26,538 01:02:29,141 funny. funny.
1298 01:02:29,174 01:02:30,643 Funny. Funny.
1299 01:02:33,612 01:02:38,685 I'm fucking with you, man. I'm fucking with you, man.
1300 01:02:38,718 01:02:40,619 - I wrote it down. - I'm fucking with you. - I wrote it down. - I'm fucking with you.
1301 01:02:40,653 01:02:44,156 Okay, look, no, but for real. Two things. Okay, look, no, but for real. Two things.
1302 01:02:44,189 01:02:46,959 Write and get on stage. Write and get on stage.
1303 01:02:46,992 01:02:50,062 - That's it? - That's it. - That's it? - That's it.
1304 01:02:50,095 01:02:52,531 Yeah, I'm actually working on this bit. So it's about... Yeah, I'm actually working on this bit. So it's about...
1305 01:02:52,564 01:02:54,099 Look, I don't want to hear about your bits. Look, I don't want to hear about your bits.
1306 01:02:54,133 01:02:55,501 I don't want to hear about your bits. I don't want to hear about your bits.
1307 01:02:55,534 01:02:57,637 Good for you. You got a new bit, great. Good for you. You got a new bit, great.
1308 01:02:57,670 01:02:59,204 Keep working on it. Work it out. Keep working on it. Work it out.
1309 01:02:59,238 01:03:01,708 But don't... don't tell me about no bits. But don't... don't tell me about no bits.
1310 01:03:01,741 01:03:03,375 Okay. Okay.
1311 01:03:03,409 01:03:06,178 So you want to know when do you become a comic? So you want to know when do you become a comic?
1312 01:03:06,211 01:03:08,313 Most young kids, they believe Most young kids, they believe
1313 01:03:08,347 01:03:10,315 it's about when they a headliner, right? it's about when they a headliner, right?
1314 01:03:10,349 01:03:13,051 Even being a headliner don't mean you a comic. Even being a headliner don't mean you a comic.
1315 01:03:13,085 01:03:15,487 When you find your own point of view, When you find your own point of view,
1316 01:03:15,521 01:03:18,257 get your own voice, get selfish with that shit. get your own voice, get selfish with that shit.
1317 01:03:18,290 01:03:20,693 Get... Say stuff that means something to you on the inside Get... Say stuff that means something to you on the inside
1318 01:03:20,727 01:03:22,194 and make you laugh. and make you laugh.
1319 01:03:22,227 01:03:24,664 Larry the Cable Guy. Gaffigan. Larry the Cable Guy. Gaffigan.
1320 01:03:24,697 01:03:26,331 Chris Rock. Katt Williams. Chris Rock. Katt Williams.
1321 01:03:26,365 01:03:28,967 When I say these names, you can already envision When I say these names, you can already envision
1322 01:03:29,001 01:03:30,402 - their audience, right? - Mm-hmm. - their audience, right? - Mm-hmm.
1323 01:03:30,436 01:03:32,337 That's 'cause they talking to their audience. That's 'cause they talking to their audience.
1324 01:03:32,371 01:03:34,406 They audience find them. That's what you got to do. They audience find them. That's what you got to do.
1325 01:03:34,440 01:03:36,208 Find your voice. Find your voice.
1326 01:03:36,241 01:03:40,012 You find your voice, your audience will find you. You find your voice, your audience will find you.
1327 01:03:40,045 01:03:44,049 And that's when you're a comedian. And that's when you're a comedian.
1328 01:03:44,082 01:03:45,451 What about you? What about you?
1329 01:03:45,484 01:03:47,519 The funny thing is when I first started this, The funny thing is when I first started this,
1330 01:03:47,553 01:03:51,089 I used to think that I had to make them laugh I used to think that I had to make them laugh
1331 01:03:51,123 01:03:53,091 so that I could feel good. so that I could feel good.
1332 01:03:53,125 01:03:57,095 But over time, I realized that I make them laugh But over time, I realized that I make them laugh
1333 01:03:57,129 01:03:59,331 so that they feel good. so that they feel good.
1334 01:03:59,364 01:04:01,433 It's the best job in the world. It's the best job in the world.
1335 01:04:03,670 01:04:05,103 Give you one other thing real quick. Give you one other thing real quick.
1336 01:04:05,137 01:04:06,238 Write this down. Write this down.
1337 01:04:06,271 01:04:10,242 Billy is leaving. Billy is leaving.
1338 01:04:10,275 01:04:11,644 Yeah. Yeah.
1339 01:04:21,220 01:04:23,255 Willy boy. Willy boy.
1340 01:04:23,288 01:04:24,590 What's up, bro? What's up, bro?
1341 01:04:24,623 01:04:26,225 I'm working out this new joke tonight. I'm working out this new joke tonight.
1342 01:04:26,258 01:04:27,760 So I just want to run it over a couple... So I just want to run it over a couple...
1343 01:04:27,794 01:04:31,563 Yeah, don't try out new jokes on a Saturday, bud. Yeah, don't try out new jokes on a Saturday, bud.
1344 01:04:31,597 01:04:34,199 Do that Sunday or Thursday, not tonight. Do that Sunday or Thursday, not tonight.
1345 01:04:34,233 01:04:40,305 Good evening, and welcome to the world-famous Improv. Good evening, and welcome to the world-famous Improv.
1346 01:04:40,339 01:04:44,243 Saturday night, make some noise. Saturday night, make some noise.
1347 01:04:44,276 01:04:47,412 I said, Saturday night, make some noise. I said, Saturday night, make some noise.
1348 01:04:48,514 01:04:50,382 Now, please welcome to the stage Now, please welcome to the stage
1349 01:04:50,415 01:04:52,084 your emcee for the night. your emcee for the night.
1350 01:04:52,117 01:04:54,186 He does clubs and colleges. He does clubs and colleges.
1351 01:04:54,219 01:04:57,155 Put your hands together for Will Chu. Put your hands together for Will Chu.
1352 01:05:01,226 01:05:05,063 Hey, what's up? Hey, what's up?
1353 01:05:05,097 01:05:07,099 What's up, Pennsylvania? What's up, Pennsylvania?
1354 01:05:07,132 01:05:09,736 How you guys doing? How you guys doing?
1355 01:05:09,769 01:05:12,337 Alright. Are we having fun tonight? Alright. Are we having fun tonight?
1356 01:05:12,371 01:05:15,574 Are you guys ready for some comedy? Are you guys ready for some comedy?
1357 01:05:15,607 01:05:16,776 Alright. Alright.
1358 01:05:16,809 01:05:18,845 I see a lot of pretty girls here in Pennsylvania, right? I see a lot of pretty girls here in Pennsylvania, right?
1359 01:05:18,878 01:05:21,413 Am I right? Yeah. Am I right? Yeah.
1360 01:05:21,446 01:05:23,415 Not really here but, like, in downtown, you know? Not really here but, like, in downtown, you know?
1361 01:05:23,448 01:05:26,318 Ohio sucks. Ohio sucks. Ohio sucks. Ohio sucks.
1362 01:05:28,554 01:05:32,090 Alright, oh, geez. Sorry. Alright, oh, geez. Sorry.
1363 01:05:35,193 01:05:36,663 Hello? Hello?
1364 01:05:36,696 01:05:39,231 Alright, Pennsylvania, you guys ready to have some fun? Alright, Pennsylvania, you guys ready to have some fun?
1365 01:05:41,567 01:05:44,403 Okay, I want to talk about myself tonight. Okay, I want to talk about myself tonight.
1366 01:05:44,436 01:05:50,142 And my... my... my father... And my... my... my father...
1367 01:05:50,175 01:05:52,244 Actually, my... my... my girlfriend... Actually, my... my... my girlfriend...
1368 01:05:52,277 01:05:53,512 so I have a girlfriend. so I have a girlfriend.
1369 01:05:53,545 01:05:56,148 She's a teacher. And most people they... She's a teacher. And most people they...
1370 01:05:56,181 01:05:59,719 they usually say teachers are underpaid, right? they usually say teachers are underpaid, right?
1371 01:05:59,752 01:06:02,789 But I think they're actually overpaid. But I think they're actually overpaid.
1372 01:06:05,223 01:06:06,893 That's a joke obviously. I don't... I don't... That's a joke obviously. I don't... I don't...
1373 01:06:06,926 01:06:14,232 I'm not getting political here or anything. I'm not getting political here or anything.
1374 01:06:14,266 01:06:16,703 You know, my... my... my girlfriend called me out. You know, my... my... my girlfriend called me out.
1375 01:06:16,736 01:06:19,137 I've been a little bit of a bummer lately. I've been a little bit of a bummer lately.
1376 01:06:19,171 01:06:22,341 And so she said if I was a city, And so she said if I was a city,
1377 01:06:22,374 01:06:23,876 I would be like Seattle. I would be like Seattle.
1378 01:06:28,580 01:06:30,182 It's... It's...
1379 01:06:30,215 01:06:35,253 You know, it's... it's, like, rainy and it's dark. You know, it's... it's, like, rainy and it's dark.
1380 01:06:35,287 01:06:38,825 And it just... And it just...
1381 01:06:38,858 01:06:42,194 Well, so I was thinking about this. Well, so I was thinking about this.
1382 01:06:42,227 01:06:46,431 I'm like, "Okay, what if I was to upgrade to a city? I'm like, "Okay, what if I was to upgrade to a city?
1383 01:06:46,465 01:06:47,934 What city would I upgrade to, right? What city would I upgrade to, right?
1384 01:06:47,967 01:06:49,736 If it's not for Seattle, If it's not for Seattle,
1385 01:06:49,769 01:06:54,606 then maybe I can upgrade to Flint, Michigan." then maybe I can upgrade to Flint, Michigan."
1386 01:06:54,641 01:06:56,643 - That's... - What the fuck is he doing? - That's... - What the fuck is he doing?
1387 01:06:56,676 01:06:57,910 - He's dying. - Or, you know, what if - He's dying. - Or, you know, what if
1388 01:06:57,944 01:07:00,479 I really upgrade, like I-I-I hit it big, I really upgrade, like I-I-I hit it big,
1389 01:07:00,512 01:07:02,280 and... and then I make it to, and... and then I make it to,
1390 01:07:02,314 01:07:04,616 I don't know, like, uh... like Cleveland, right? I don't know, like, uh... like Cleveland, right?
1391 01:07:04,651 01:07:06,218 Ohio. Ohio.
1392 01:07:06,251 01:07:07,854 I wish you would go back to Cleveland. I wish you would go back to Cleveland.
1393 01:07:07,887 01:07:09,421 Even Flint. Even Flint.
1394 01:07:11,623 01:07:15,627 Okay. Actually, this weekend, Okay. Actually, this weekend,
1395 01:07:15,662 01:07:18,530 I-I was going to go to Columbus with my girlfriend. I-I was going to go to Columbus with my girlfriend.
1396 01:07:18,563 01:07:21,500 You should go meet her right now. Please. You should go meet her right now. Please.
1397 01:07:21,533 01:07:23,936 Just... Just head there now. Just... Just head there now.
1398 01:07:23,970 01:07:26,238 Well, let's... Well, let's...
1399 01:07:26,271 01:07:27,606 Light him. Light him. Light him. Light him.
1400 01:07:27,640 01:07:30,208 Where... Where is it? Here? I'm doing it. Where... Where is it? Here? I'm doing it.
1401 01:07:30,242 01:07:32,812 Are you guys ready for your next comedian? Are you guys ready for your next comedian?
1402 01:07:33,946 01:07:36,883 Okay. Okay.
1403 01:07:36,916 01:07:38,751 What the fuck happened? What the fuck happened?
1404 01:07:38,785 01:07:41,788 - I am so sorry. - On a Saturday night? - I am so sorry. - On a Saturday night?
1405 01:07:41,821 01:07:43,656 I was just trying to get personal with my mat... I was just trying to get personal with my mat...
1406 01:07:43,690 01:07:45,758 Don't get per... What... It's not "Dr. Phil." Don't get per... What... It's not "Dr. Phil."
1407 01:07:45,792 01:07:47,259 That's your second strike. That's your second strike.
1408 01:07:47,292 01:07:48,761 You know what happens on the third. You know what happens on the third.
1409 01:07:48,795 01:07:50,863 - It won't happen again. - Yeah, it certainly won't. - It won't happen again. - Yeah, it certainly won't.
1410 01:07:50,897 01:07:52,632 Because I'm cutting your time on the next show. Because I'm cutting your time on the next show.
1411 01:07:52,665 01:07:54,634 You're getting five minutes, that's it, You're getting five minutes, that's it,
1412 01:07:54,667 01:07:56,401 and bring up the guest spot. and bring up the guest spot.
1413 01:07:56,435 01:07:58,905 Got it. Got it.
1414 01:08:01,774 01:08:03,876 Fuck. Fuck.
1415 01:08:03,910 01:08:06,679 - Yo, thanks, man. Thanks. - Alright, how you doing, man? - Yo, thanks, man. Thanks. - Alright, how you doing, man?
1416 01:08:06,713 01:08:09,281 - Big fan. - Thank you guys for coming out. - Big fan. - Thank you guys for coming out.
1417 01:08:09,314 01:08:11,483 - Sorry. - Whoa. - Sorry. - Whoa.
1418 01:08:11,516 01:08:14,319 Thanks for the flashback, my man. Thanks for the flashback, my man.
1419 01:08:14,352 01:08:16,956 Well, you told me to write more about myself Well, you told me to write more about myself
1420 01:08:16,989 01:08:18,523 so I just thought, you know... so I just thought, you know...
1421 01:08:18,557 01:08:21,560 Yeah. I also said be funny. Yeah. I also said be funny.
1422 01:08:21,593 01:08:24,697 - Jesus. - You're the emcee, you know? - Jesus. - You're the emcee, you know?
1423 01:08:24,731 01:08:26,598 Supposed to warm the place up, you know? Supposed to warm the place up, you know?
1424 01:08:26,632 01:08:27,867 Yeah, but I never dealt with hecklers. Yeah, but I never dealt with hecklers.
1425 01:08:27,900 01:08:29,568 Do a little crowd work or something. Do a little crowd work or something.
1426 01:08:29,601 01:08:31,336 I don't know if I'm that good with crowd work yet. I don't know if I'm that good with crowd work yet.
1427 01:08:31,369 01:08:32,604 What about the other night? What about the other night?
1428 01:08:32,638 01:08:34,506 The lady with the phone. That was funny. The lady with the phone. That was funny.
1429 01:08:34,539 01:08:36,709 Well, that actually happened, so I was just kind of reacting. Well, that actually happened, so I was just kind of reacting.
1430 01:08:36,743 01:08:39,879 Exactly. Crowd work. Reacting. Exactly. Crowd work. Reacting.
1431 01:08:39,912 01:08:43,415 Hey, Will, come here. Hey, Will, come here.
1432 01:08:43,448 01:08:44,717 Sorry. Sorry.
1433 01:08:44,751 01:08:46,786 Hey, guys, how are you? Hey, guys, how are you?
1434 01:08:46,819 01:08:48,520 Brooke Bailey... she's going to run her Brooke Bailey... she's going to run her
1435 01:08:48,553 01:08:49,989 "Tonight Show" set for next week. "Tonight Show" set for next week.
1436 01:08:50,022 01:08:52,725 Don't fuck up her intro too, okay? Don't fuck up her intro too, okay?
1437 01:08:52,759 01:08:55,661 - Okay. - Okay. - Okay. - Okay.
1438 01:08:55,695 01:08:57,462 Wow, "Tonight Show," congrats. I'm Will. Wow, "Tonight Show," congrats. I'm Will.
1439 01:08:57,496 01:08:59,031 - Hi. Brooke. - Nice to meet you. - Hi. Brooke. - Nice to meet you.
1440 01:08:59,065 01:09:00,733 You too. You too.
1441 01:09:00,767 01:09:03,301 So is there anything you want me to say for your intro? So is there anything you want me to say for your intro?
1442 01:09:03,335 01:09:05,838 You can just say the Comedy Cavalcade Tour You can just say the Comedy Cavalcade Tour
1443 01:09:05,872 01:09:07,073 and then I'm doing "The Tonight Show" and then I'm doing "The Tonight Show"
1444 01:09:07,106 01:09:08,941 - on Thursday. - Okay, cool. - on Thursday. - Okay, cool.
1445 01:09:08,975 01:09:11,711 Finally sold two fucking T-shirts. Finally sold two fucking T-shirts.
1446 01:09:11,744 01:09:14,747 Making it rain, baby. Holy shit. Making it rain, baby. Holy shit.
1447 01:09:14,781 01:09:16,783 - Brooke, what's going on? - Hi. How's it going? - Brooke, what's going on? - Hi. How's it going?
1448 01:09:16,816 01:09:18,785 - So, you doing time? - I am doing time. - So, you doing time? - I am doing time.
1449 01:09:18,818 01:09:20,485 She's doing "The Tonight Show" on Thursday. She's doing "The Tonight Show" on Thursday.
1450 01:09:20,519 01:09:22,420 What? Then we got to celebrate. What? Then we got to celebrate.
1451 01:09:22,454 01:09:23,823 - Oh, wow. - Ohh! - Oh, wow. - Ohh!
1452 01:09:23,856 01:09:25,490 The lovely Miss Bailey. The lovely Miss Bailey.
1453 01:09:25,524 01:09:26,692 - How are you? - Good to see you. - How are you? - Good to see you.
1454 01:09:26,726 01:09:27,960 Oh, goodness. Oh, goodness.
1455 01:09:27,994 01:09:29,361 Heard you got "The Tonight Show." Heard you got "The Tonight Show."
1456 01:09:29,394 01:09:31,030 - Yeah. - I called Jimmy, alright? - Yeah. - I called Jimmy, alright?
1457 01:09:31,063 01:09:32,832 - I told him to take care of you. - You're the best. - I told him to take care of you. - You're the best.
1458 01:09:32,865 01:09:34,901 - Thank you. - Well, I mean, you deserve it. - Thank you. - Well, I mean, you deserve it.
1459 01:09:34,934 01:09:36,903 You're talented. You work hard. Come on. You're talented. You work hard. Come on.
1460 01:09:36,936 01:09:38,905 Like I told you, I said first thing first... Like I told you, I said first thing first...
1461 01:09:38,938 01:09:40,438 No, what you would always say to me No, what you would always say to me
1462 01:09:40,472 01:09:42,541 is don't write down jokes in your phone. is don't write down jokes in your phone.
1463 01:09:42,574 01:09:44,644 Always write it on a piece of paper with a pen Always write it on a piece of paper with a pen
1464 01:09:44,677 01:09:46,078 because it makes it more personal. because it makes it more personal.
1465 01:09:46,112 01:09:47,747 Doing your thing, super talented. Doing your thing, super talented.
1466 01:09:47,780 01:09:48,915 You deserve this. You deserve this.
1467 01:09:52,551 01:09:55,688 Put your hands together for Will Chu. Put your hands together for Will Chu.
1468 01:09:57,056 01:09:59,025 What's up? What's up?
1469 01:09:59,058 01:10:02,394 Packed house tonight on a Saturday. Packed house tonight on a Saturday.
1470 01:10:02,427 01:10:04,797 A lot of pretty girls in Pennsylvania, am I right? A lot of pretty girls in Pennsylvania, am I right?
1471 01:10:04,831 01:10:06,464 Look at them. Look at them.
1472 01:10:06,498 01:10:09,836 Ohio sucks. Ohio sucks. Ohio sucks. Ohio sucks.
1473 01:10:09,869 01:10:12,370 Ohio sucks. Ohio sucks.
1474 01:10:13,605 01:10:17,076 Okay. Okay.
1475 01:10:17,109 01:10:20,813 How are you guys doing? How are you guys doing?
1476 01:10:20,847 01:10:22,748 Mother and daughter? Mother and daughter?
1477 01:10:22,782 01:10:24,449 Yeah. Yeah.
1478 01:10:24,482 01:10:27,552 - Where's... Where's Dad? - Oh, he's not with us. - Where's... Where's Dad? - Oh, he's not with us.
1479 01:10:27,586 01:10:30,990 Okay. Is he, like, fishing? Or bowling? Okay. Is he, like, fishing? Or bowling?
1480 01:10:31,023 01:10:32,457 He's dead. He's dead.
1481 01:10:32,490 01:10:33,893 Ohio sucks. Ohio sucks.
1482 01:10:37,596 01:10:40,498 Nice, uh, pretzels, right? Nice, uh, pretzels, right?
1483 01:10:40,532 01:10:43,568 - He is not funny. - Not at all. - He is not funny. - Not at all.
1484 01:10:43,602 01:10:46,438 Father and daughter. Father and daughter.
1485 01:10:46,471 01:10:50,442 Father and son, right? That's cool. Father and son, right? That's cool.
1486 01:10:50,475 01:10:53,612 Do you like to eat chicken wings? Do you like to eat chicken wings?
1487 01:10:53,646 01:10:55,513 Why... W-What's up with... Why... W-What's up with...
1488 01:10:58,718 01:11:01,486 You know if you split improv into two words, You know if you split improv into two words,
1489 01:11:01,519 01:11:03,990 it's kind of like I'm pro, it's kind of like I'm pro,
1490 01:11:04,023 01:11:06,659 with a V at the end. with a V at the end.
1491 01:11:11,063 01:11:12,698 Are you guys ready for your next comedian? Are you guys ready for your next comedian?
1492 01:11:12,732 01:11:17,136 - Yeah. - Yes. - Yeah. - Yes.
1493 01:11:17,169 01:11:20,106 Thanks. Hi, everybody. Thanks. Hi, everybody.
1494 01:11:20,139 01:11:22,440 Hello. Hi. Hello. Hi.
1495 01:11:22,474 01:11:24,176 Wow, thank you, thank you. Wow, thank you, thank you.
1496 01:11:24,210 01:11:27,079 Give it up for, Will. Give it up for, Will.
1497 01:11:27,113 01:11:28,981 It's good to be here. It's good to be here.
1498 01:11:29,015 01:11:32,617 I did not Uber here. I do not Uber. I did not Uber here. I do not Uber.
1499 01:11:32,652 01:11:34,486 All my guy friends want me to take an Uber All my guy friends want me to take an Uber
1500 01:11:34,519 01:11:36,588 whenever I'm scared to walk to my car, whenever I'm scared to walk to my car,
1501 01:11:36,621 01:11:37,823 take an Uber, it's super safe. take an Uber, it's super safe.
1502 01:11:37,857 01:11:39,959 For who? Why... Why is it safe? For who? Why... Why is it safe?
1503 01:11:39,992 01:11:41,559 All my guy friends are like, "What do you mean? All my guy friends are like, "What do you mean?
1504 01:11:41,593 01:11:42,695 There's a rating system." There's a rating system."
1505 01:11:42,728 01:11:44,897 Oh, really? Is that what was wrong with hitchhiking? Oh, really? Is that what was wrong with hitchhiking?
1506 01:11:44,931 01:11:47,900 There was no rating system? There was no rating system?
1507 01:11:47,934 01:11:50,136 I feel like all my mother ever said to me I feel like all my mother ever said to me
1508 01:11:50,169 01:11:51,871 was "do not talk to strangers." was "do not talk to strangers."
1509 01:11:51,904 01:11:54,674 Now every night I get in the car with one, Now every night I get in the car with one,
1510 01:11:54,707 01:11:56,976 I show him where I live, I show him where I live,
1511 01:11:57,009 01:11:58,978 and then I eat his candy. and then I eat his candy.
1512 01:12:03,950 01:12:06,953 - Yeah, of course, of course. - Thank you so much. - Yeah, of course, of course. - Thank you so much.
1513 01:12:06,986 01:12:08,654 Oh, yes. Oh, yes.
1514 01:12:08,688 01:12:10,122 - Thanks. - Bye. - Thanks. - Bye.
1515 01:12:10,156 01:12:11,757 I don't know, actually, I don't know, actually,
1516 01:12:11,791 01:12:14,727 if there are different belts in kickboxing. if there are different belts in kickboxing.
1517 01:12:14,760 01:12:16,528 I just do the YouTube videos. I just do the YouTube videos.
1518 01:12:16,561 01:12:19,464 Yo, let's definitely hit up that Warhol tomorrow, okay? Yo, let's definitely hit up that Warhol tomorrow, okay?
1519 01:12:26,005 01:12:28,540 Uh, look, Chip, I'm... I'm sorry about... Uh, look, Chip, I'm... I'm sorry about...
1520 01:12:28,573 01:12:30,109 Not now, Will. I think we can both agree Not now, Will. I think we can both agree
1521 01:12:30,142 01:12:32,678 that stand-up's not in the cards for you. that stand-up's not in the cards for you.
1522 01:12:32,712 01:12:34,680 Can't think of any reason for you to come out tomorrow night, Can't think of any reason for you to come out tomorrow night,
1523 01:12:34,714 01:12:36,983 but thanks for coming in. but thanks for coming in.
1524 01:12:41,921 01:12:42,955 Hey. Hey.
1525 01:12:42,989 01:12:44,123 What? What?
1526 01:12:44,156 01:12:46,092 You the comedian? You the comedian?
1527 01:12:46,125 01:12:47,827 Apparently not. Apparently not.
1528 01:12:47,860 01:12:52,098 Are you the comedian Will Chu who was on the radio? Are you the comedian Will Chu who was on the radio?
1529 01:12:52,131 01:12:54,566 Look, man, I know Ohio sucks, alright? Look, man, I know Ohio sucks, alright?
1530 01:12:54,599 01:12:58,971 Will Chu who told a story on the radio Will Chu who told a story on the radio
1531 01:12:59,005 01:13:03,042 where you ended up in a trailer with a girl who had a boyfriend? where you ended up in a trailer with a girl who had a boyfriend?
1532 01:13:03,075 01:13:06,078 And you were in my fucking home, drinking my beers? And you were in my fucking home, drinking my beers?
1533 01:13:06,112 01:13:09,081 When I found two open beers, I couldn't understand When I found two open beers, I couldn't understand
1534 01:13:09,115 01:13:11,851 why does my girl have two open beers? why does my girl have two open beers?
1535 01:13:11,884 01:13:14,220 I don't get it. Are you that Will Chu I don't get it. Are you that Will Chu
1536 01:13:14,253 01:13:17,990 who lives at 223 Clark Street in Steubenville? who lives at 223 Clark Street in Steubenville?
1537 01:13:18,024 01:13:19,759 It is too late to say no? It is too late to say no?
1538 01:13:19,792 01:13:21,127 Ow! Ow!
1539 01:13:21,160 01:13:22,995 I never laid my hands on her. I never laid my hands on her.
1540 01:13:23,029 01:13:25,297 No shit. No shit.
1541 01:13:25,331 01:13:26,999 And by the way, no one will fucking believe you And by the way, no one will fucking believe you
1542 01:13:27,033 01:13:29,702 if you tell them what I did. I've done it a bunch. if you tell them what I did. I've done it a bunch.
1543 01:13:37,810 01:13:39,245 What's up? You've reached Jen. What's up? You've reached Jen.
1544 01:13:39,278 01:13:40,780 Well, not actually. I'm not here. Well, not actually. I'm not here.
1545 01:13:40,813 01:13:41,814 You know what to do. You know what to do.
1546 01:13:43,349 01:13:44,650 Hey, babe. Hey, babe.
1547 01:13:44,683 01:13:46,719 I just got back. I just got back.
1548 01:13:46,752 01:13:49,822 Thought I'd give you a call. Thought I'd give you a call.
1549 01:13:49,855 01:13:51,690 Things are going pretty okay here. Things are going pretty okay here.
1550 01:13:54,660 01:13:59,265 Y-You know what, maybe... maybe it's not so good. Y-You know what, maybe... maybe it's not so good.
1551 01:13:59,298 01:14:02,968 Actually, it's a pretty fucking horrible night. Actually, it's a pretty fucking horrible night.
1552 01:14:05,738 01:14:09,642 Maybe stand-up is just not really in the cards, you know? Maybe stand-up is just not really in the cards, you know?
1553 01:14:09,675 01:14:12,945 Maybe I just don't have it. Maybe I just don't have it.
1554 01:14:14,980 01:14:16,248 Bye. Bye.
1555 01:14:50,850 01:14:54,619 Hey, Will. Lunch. Hey, Will. Lunch.
1556 01:15:06,866 01:15:11,036 Hey. Hey.
1557 01:15:11,070 01:15:12,738 Oh. Oh.
1558 01:15:12,771 01:15:14,807 Whoa. Whoa.
1559 01:15:14,840 01:15:17,409 Whoa, man, what happened to your eye? Whoa, man, what happened to your eye?
1560 01:15:17,443 01:15:19,712 Well, a cop punched me in the face Well, a cop punched me in the face
1561 01:15:19,745 01:15:21,247 because I was hanging out with his girl. because I was hanging out with his girl.
1562 01:15:21,280 01:15:24,083 That's fucking awesome. That's fucking awesome.
1563 01:15:24,116 01:15:26,051 That's fucking awesome. That's fucking awesome.
1564 01:15:29,889 01:15:32,858 Yeah, well, just getting something to eat, Yeah, well, just getting something to eat,
1565 01:15:32,892 01:15:34,894 then I'm hitting the road. then I'm hitting the road.
1566 01:15:34,927 01:15:38,297 Whoa, wait... wait a minute. What about tonight? Whoa, wait... wait a minute. What about tonight?
1567 01:15:41,200 01:15:42,434 There's no tonight. There's no tonight.
1568 01:15:42,468 01:15:44,737 I'm heading back to Ohio. I'm heading back to Ohio.
1569 01:15:44,770 01:15:47,306 Didn't you quit your job to do this? Didn't you quit your job to do this?
1570 01:15:47,339 01:15:50,843 Yeah, but you saw what I did last night. Yeah, but you saw what I did last night.
1571 01:15:50,876 01:15:53,779 Yeah, you bombed. Bombed hard, too. Yeah, you bombed. Bombed hard, too.
1572 01:15:53,812 01:15:56,749 Shit, your ass should be on a TSA watch list. Shit, your ass should be on a TSA watch list.
1573 01:15:56,782 01:16:00,286 Hiroshima, Nagasaki, Will Chu. Hiroshima, Nagasaki, Will Chu.
1574 01:16:00,319 01:16:02,421 Chip said I'm done. Chip said I'm done.
1575 01:16:02,454 01:16:04,290 Chip said? Chip said?
1576 01:16:04,323 01:16:06,859 Chip said you're done? What about you? Chip said you're done? What about you?
1577 01:16:06,892 01:16:08,294 You... You say it's over? You... You say it's over?
1578 01:16:08,327 01:16:11,163 Man, you know what? Man, you know what?
1579 01:16:11,197 01:16:13,232 Go on. Go on. Get the fuck out of here, man. Go on. Go on. Get the fuck out of here, man.
1580 01:16:13,265 01:16:15,067 If that's all it takes, go ahead on. If that's all it takes, go ahead on.
1581 01:16:15,100 01:16:18,904 Bye. Bye. Who gives a damn? Bye. Bye. Who gives a damn?
1582 01:16:18,938 01:16:21,373 You saw me. It went terrible. You saw me. It went terrible.
1583 01:16:21,407 01:16:22,975 You actually should be proud of yourself. You actually should be proud of yourself.
1584 01:16:23,008 01:16:24,410 Y-You going quick. Y-You going quick.
1585 01:16:24,443 01:16:26,345 You... You... You actually quit your job, man. You... You... You actually quit your job, man.
1586 01:16:26,378 01:16:28,047 Quit your job, drove your ass down here. Quit your job, drove your ass down here.
1587 01:16:28,080 01:16:30,916 Been getting on the stage. You're actually doing it. Been getting on the stage. You're actually doing it.
1588 01:16:30,950 01:16:32,751 One, two bad shows, and now that's it. One, two bad shows, and now that's it.
1589 01:16:32,785 01:16:34,019 That's all it take? That's all it take?
1590 01:16:34,053 01:16:36,055 Ain't the last no you going to get. Ain't the last no you going to get.
1591 01:16:36,088 01:16:37,489 You're going to hear a whole avalanche You're going to hear a whole avalanche
1592 01:16:37,523 01:16:39,391 of no's you stay in this business. of no's you stay in this business.
1593 01:16:39,425 01:16:41,827 There's going to be shows that you want going to be a no. There's going to be shows that you want going to be a no.
1594 01:16:41,860 01:16:43,229 You're going to get shows that you're hired on, You're going to get shows that you're hired on,
1595 01:16:43,262 01:16:45,197 they're going to fire you. they're going to fire you.
1596 01:16:45,231 01:16:47,466 You're going to have things that your friends book You're going to have things that your friends book
1597 01:16:47,499 01:16:49,134 that you thought you should book that you thought you should book
1598 01:16:49,168 01:16:50,903 because you believe you funnier than they are. because you believe you funnier than they are.
1599 01:16:50,936 01:16:52,171 You're going to write a new joke, You're going to write a new joke,
1600 01:16:52,204 01:16:54,273 you're going to be out on that stage, you're going to try it, you're going to be out on that stage, you're going to try it,
1601 01:16:54,306 01:16:55,541 and that audience is going to be like, and that audience is going to be like,
1602 01:16:55,574 01:16:57,977 "No, I want to hear all the old shit." "No, I want to hear all the old shit."
1603 01:16:58,010 01:17:03,282 But guess what is more powerful than all of those no's. But guess what is more powerful than all of those no's.
1604 01:17:03,315 01:17:05,117 Your belief in yourself. Your belief in yourself.
1605 01:17:07,119 01:17:09,388 You know, what happened to you last night, sure, You know, what happened to you last night, sure,
1606 01:17:09,421 01:17:11,257 it's the worst thing that can happen to a comic. it's the worst thing that can happen to a comic.
1607 01:17:11,290 01:17:15,227 You bombed. And in a spectacular fashion. You bombed. And in a spectacular fashion.
1608 01:17:15,261 01:17:19,231 I mean, boom. I mean, boom.
1609 01:17:19,265 01:17:20,432 You in pain? You in pain?
1610 01:17:20,466 01:17:24,370 No, not really. Just a shiner. No, not really. Just a shiner.
1611 01:17:24,403 01:17:27,873 No, no, no, you in pain. No, no, no, you in pain.
1612 01:17:27,906 01:17:29,975 You in pain, I'm in pain. You in pain, I'm in pain.
1613 01:17:30,009 01:17:32,978 That's... That's what the life of a comic is, man. That's... That's what the life of a comic is, man.
1614 01:17:33,012 01:17:35,481 We take our pain. We got to find that stuff. We take our pain. We got to find that stuff.
1615 01:17:35,514 01:17:37,216 That's what we take on stage. That's what we take on stage.
1616 01:17:37,249 01:17:40,119 When we find that pain, got to learn to embrace it. When we find that pain, got to learn to embrace it.
1617 01:17:40,152 01:17:42,488 Take what's personal and you give it to that audience, Take what's personal and you give it to that audience,
1618 01:17:42,521 01:17:44,490 and it makes them laugh. and it makes them laugh.
1619 01:17:44,523 01:17:49,194 But the thing about stand-up, son, you listening? But the thing about stand-up, son, you listening?
1620 01:17:49,228 01:17:53,198 Is that you have a chance to be better today Is that you have a chance to be better today
1621 01:17:53,232 01:17:54,933 than you was yesterday. than you was yesterday.
1622 01:18:04,877 01:18:06,345 It's another show tonight. It's another show tonight.
1623 01:18:16,322 01:18:19,325 If he was the one that's, like, doing the... If he was the one that's, like, doing the...
1624 01:18:19,358 01:18:25,431 If he's like, "Ohio sucks," first... first and... If he's like, "Ohio sucks," first... first and...
1625 01:18:25,464 01:18:29,068 If you think about it, like, Neil... Neil Armstrong... If you think about it, like, Neil... Neil Armstrong...
1626 01:18:37,910 01:18:40,145 Hey. I got your message. Hey. I got your message.
1627 01:18:40,179 01:18:42,147 So you had a bad weekend. So you had a bad weekend.
1628 01:18:42,181 01:18:45,484 You don't give up on something you love that much so quickly. You don't give up on something you love that much so quickly.
1629 01:18:45,517 01:18:47,886 Give me a call. We can talk about it. Give me a call. We can talk about it.
1630 01:18:47,920 01:18:51,523 I'm here for you, Will. I believe in you. I love you. I'm here for you, Will. I believe in you. I love you.
1631 01:19:03,535 01:19:06,071 Hey, Will, glad to see you. Hey, Will, glad to see you.
1632 01:19:06,105 01:19:08,474 - You are? - Yeah, you just reminded me - You are? - Yeah, you just reminded me
1633 01:19:08,507 01:19:10,476 I'm supposed to take your name down from the marquee. I'm supposed to take your name down from the marquee.
1634 01:19:10,509 01:19:13,245 Okay, about that, is Chip here? Okay, about that, is Chip here?
1635 01:19:13,278 01:19:14,947 Yeah, he's in the office. Yeah, he's in the office.
1636 01:19:14,980 01:19:16,683 - Can I talk to him? - Yeah. - Can I talk to him? - Yeah.
1637 01:19:16,716 01:19:20,152 T Dog for Captain Crunch. T Dog for Captain Crunch.
1638 01:19:20,185 01:19:22,287 Yeah, little kamikaze's here to see you. Yeah, little kamikaze's here to see you.
1639 01:19:22,321 01:19:25,391 Yeah. Yeah.
1640 01:19:25,424 01:19:27,192 Hey, Chip. Hey, Chip.
1641 01:19:27,226 01:19:29,061 I was going to text you. We need to settle up. I was going to text you. We need to settle up.
1642 01:19:29,094 01:19:30,362 Before you say anything, Before you say anything,
1643 01:19:30,396 01:19:35,134 I'm here begging you for one last set. I'm here begging you for one last set.
1644 01:19:35,167 01:19:36,969 What happened to your face? What happened to your face?
1645 01:19:37,002 01:19:40,038 I had a really, really rough night. I had a really, really rough night.
1646 01:19:40,072 01:19:41,974 I don't give a shit, Will. I don't give a shit, Will.
1647 01:19:42,007 01:19:44,476 This is all I got, man. Stand-up is all I got. This is all I got, man. Stand-up is all I got.
1648 01:19:44,510 01:19:47,546 Then you don't got much because you're not good at stand-up. Then you don't got much because you're not good at stand-up.
1649 01:19:47,579 01:19:49,649 I started off okay, right? I started off okay, right?
1650 01:19:49,682 01:19:52,618 Let me just finish the weekend the same way I started. Let me just finish the weekend the same way I started.
1651 01:19:52,652 01:19:54,253 And if I'm really no good, And if I'm really no good,
1652 01:19:54,286 01:19:57,289 then you'll never hear from me again. then you'll never hear from me again.
1653 01:19:57,322 01:19:59,458 Please. I promise. Please. I promise.
1654 01:20:04,329 01:20:06,265 One last spot. One last spot.
1655 01:20:06,298 01:20:09,334 Yes, thank you. Thank you, Chip. Yes, thank you. Thank you, Chip.
1656 01:20:12,337 01:20:14,072 Okay. Okay.
1657 01:20:16,643 01:20:20,612 Welcome to the world-famous Improv. Welcome to the world-famous Improv.
1658 01:20:20,647 01:20:23,248 Sunday night, make some noise. Sunday night, make some noise.
1659 01:20:27,085 01:20:29,121 Dude, what the fuck? Dude, what the fuck?
1660 01:20:29,154 01:20:32,424 This fucking cock wad I sold a T-shirt to last night This fucking cock wad I sold a T-shirt to last night
1661 01:20:32,458 01:20:34,560 just came up to me in the lobby wanting to return it. just came up to me in the lobby wanting to return it.
1662 01:20:34,593 01:20:37,062 Who the fuck returns a T-shirt? Who the fuck returns a T-shirt?
1663 01:20:37,095 01:20:38,363 I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sorry to hear that.
1664 01:20:38,397 01:20:40,065 Anyway, buddy, I'm telling you, Anyway, buddy, I'm telling you,
1665 01:20:40,098 01:20:42,401 that fucking shiner looks so dope. that fucking shiner looks so dope.
1666 01:20:42,434 01:20:44,704 You are going to be like a chick magnet tonight. You are going to be like a chick magnet tonight.
1667 01:20:44,737 01:20:47,372 Anyway, bro, grand finale tonight. Anyway, bro, grand finale tonight.
1668 01:20:47,406 01:20:49,308 I'm pumped to hear what's in that book, buddy. I'm pumped to hear what's in that book, buddy.
1669 01:20:49,341 01:20:51,176 You're going to kill it. You're going to kill it.
1670 01:20:51,210 01:20:54,346 - Thanks. - You got it, bro. - Thanks. - You got it, bro.
1671 01:20:54,379 01:20:56,482 My "pleazh." My "pleazh."
1672 01:20:56,515 01:20:58,417 Ladies and gentlemen, we'll be starting the show Ladies and gentlemen, we'll be starting the show
1673 01:20:58,450 01:21:00,118 in just a few moments. in just a few moments.
1674 01:21:00,152 01:21:03,222 There's no video or flash photography during the show. There's no video or flash photography during the show.
1675 01:21:08,695 01:21:11,129 Now, before we get started, I got to let you know Now, before we get started, I got to let you know
1676 01:21:11,163 01:21:12,632 to keep your talking to a minimum to keep your talking to a minimum
1677 01:21:12,665 01:21:15,033 but your laughter to a maximum. but your laughter to a maximum.
1678 01:21:15,067 01:21:16,736 Who's ready for a good show tonight? Who's ready for a good show tonight?
1679 01:21:18,604 01:21:20,072 I can't hear you. I can't hear you.
1680 01:21:20,105 01:21:22,541 Who's ready for a good show tonight? Who's ready for a good show tonight?
1681 01:21:25,277 01:21:29,615 Put your hands together for Will Chu. Put your hands together for Will Chu.
1682 01:21:34,419 01:21:36,789 What's up, Pennsylvania? What's up, Pennsylvania?
1683 01:21:36,823 01:21:39,191 How you guys doing? How you guys doing?
1684 01:21:39,224 01:21:40,626 Awesome. Awesome.
1685 01:21:40,660 01:21:44,363 So, as you guys can tell, I got this black eye. So, as you guys can tell, I got this black eye.
1686 01:21:44,396 01:21:46,532 The reason is when I went outside the other day... The reason is when I went outside the other day...
1687 01:21:46,565 01:21:51,270 Ohio sucks. Ohio sucks. Ohio sucks. Ohio sucks. Ohio sucks. Ohio sucks.
1688 01:21:53,572 01:21:57,376 Okay. Okay.
1689 01:21:57,409 01:21:59,578 Ohio sucks, right? Ohio sucks, right?
1690 01:21:59,611 01:22:01,113 Ohio sucks. Ohio sucks.
1691 01:22:01,146 01:22:02,414 Ohio sucks. Ohio sucks.
1692 01:22:02,447 01:22:03,850 Everybody, why don't everybody do it? Everybody, why don't everybody do it?
1693 01:22:03,883 01:22:08,387 Ohio sucks, Ohio sucks, Ohio sucks. Ohio sucks, Ohio sucks, Ohio sucks.
1694 01:22:08,420 01:22:11,791 Yeah, you know what? M-Maybe these guys are right. Yeah, you know what? M-Maybe these guys are right.
1695 01:22:11,824 01:22:14,092 Ohio does kind of suck, right? Ohio does kind of suck, right?
1696 01:22:14,126 01:22:16,461 Is there anybody from Ohio? Is there anybody from Ohio?
1697 01:22:16,495 01:22:18,096 Good, yeah, there's a reason why. Good, yeah, there's a reason why.
1698 01:22:19,732 01:22:22,702 Right, look, look, actually, actually, if you think about it, Right, look, look, actually, actually, if you think about it,
1699 01:22:22,735 01:22:25,270 Ohio is where legends are born. Ohio is where legends are born.
1700 01:22:25,304 01:22:26,371 Legends, right? Legends, right?
1701 01:22:26,405 01:22:27,372 If you think about it, If you think about it,
1702 01:22:27,406 01:22:29,408 we got the Wright Brothers, we got the Wright Brothers,
1703 01:22:29,441 01:22:31,811 first in flight... from Ohio. first in flight... from Ohio.
1704 01:22:31,844 01:22:34,546 John Glenn, first man in space, John Glenn, first man in space,
1705 01:22:34,580 01:22:37,249 from Ohio, right? from Ohio, right?
1706 01:22:37,282 01:22:42,421 Neil Armstrong, first man on the moon... from Ohio. Neil Armstrong, first man on the moon... from Ohio.
1707 01:22:42,454 01:22:45,490 So if history has taught us anything, So if history has taught us anything,
1708 01:22:45,524 01:22:49,428 it's taught us that men will do anything it's taught us that men will do anything
1709 01:22:49,461 01:22:52,164 to get the fuck up out of Ohio. to get the fuck up out of Ohio.
1710 01:22:52,197 01:22:55,367 Right? Right? Right? Right?
1711 01:22:57,402 01:22:59,872 So maybe it does suck, I don't know. So maybe it does suck, I don't know.
1712 01:22:59,906 01:23:02,541 I don't know. Right? I don't know. Right?
1713 01:23:05,243 01:23:07,714 So my dad passed away a few years ago. So my dad passed away a few years ago.
1714 01:23:07,747 01:23:09,281 Not to bum anybody out. Not to bum anybody out.
1715 01:23:09,314 01:23:11,383 People die all the time, even Asians. People die all the time, even Asians.
1716 01:23:11,416 01:23:13,720 It's okay. It's okay.
1717 01:23:13,753 01:23:15,187 You know, we don't age but we die. You know, we don't age but we die.
1718 01:23:15,220 01:23:16,923 It's okay, it's fine. It's okay, it's fine.
1719 01:23:16,956 01:23:19,859 So stand-up was like me and my father's thing. So stand-up was like me and my father's thing.
1720 01:23:19,892 01:23:21,694 We actually grew up watching Billy G, We actually grew up watching Billy G,
1721 01:23:21,728 01:23:24,664 your headliner tonight, give it up for Billy G, right? your headliner tonight, give it up for Billy G, right?
1722 01:23:24,697 01:23:26,198 And I always wondered, like, And I always wondered, like,
1723 01:23:26,231 01:23:27,900 is he, like, watching me from upstairs? is he, like, watching me from upstairs?
1724 01:23:27,934 01:23:29,702 That's what people say all the time, right? That's what people say all the time, right?
1725 01:23:29,736 01:23:31,738 Is he watching me work? Is he watching me work?
1726 01:23:31,771 01:23:35,374 Is he watching me when I'm just drinking coffee in the morning? Is he watching me when I'm just drinking coffee in the morning?
1727 01:23:35,407 01:23:38,410 Is he watching me when I'm masturbating? Is he watching me when I'm masturbating?
1728 01:23:38,443 01:23:41,279 You know? 'Cause he's probably got a lot of footage of that. You know? 'Cause he's probably got a lot of footage of that.
1729 01:23:42,849 01:23:44,717 Hey, what if he's here tonight watching me from upstairs Hey, what if he's here tonight watching me from upstairs
1730 01:23:44,751 01:23:46,218 and he's looking at me and he's like, and he's looking at me and he's like,
1731 01:23:46,251 01:23:49,354 "Man, that is my son doing stand-up. "Man, that is my son doing stand-up.
1732 01:23:49,388 01:23:52,557 My only son doing stand-up comedy. My only son doing stand-up comedy.
1733 01:23:52,591 01:23:54,559 And I must say, And I must say,
1734 01:23:54,593 01:23:56,361 I'd rather watch him masturbate." I'd rather watch him masturbate."
1735 01:24:03,301 01:24:04,569 Ohio sucks. Ohio sucks.
1736 01:24:04,603 01:24:06,471 Ohio sucks. Ohio sucks.
1737 01:24:06,505 01:24:08,240 Ohio sucks. Ohio sucks.
1738 01:24:44,944 01:24:46,813 Hey. Hey.
1739 01:24:48,981 01:24:52,752 I just want to thank you for letting me do my last set. I just want to thank you for letting me do my last set.
1740 01:24:52,785 01:24:54,987 Here is your check. Here is your check.
1741 01:24:58,057 01:25:02,294 This weekend means more to me than any amount of money. This weekend means more to me than any amount of money.
1742 01:25:02,327 01:25:03,628 So... So...
1743 01:25:03,663 01:25:05,898 this is me telling you... this is me telling you...
1744 01:25:09,869 01:25:14,306 I need an emcee in two weeks in Kansas City. I need an emcee in two weeks in Kansas City.
1745 01:25:14,339 01:25:16,876 - You free? - Absolutely. - You free? - Absolutely.
1746 01:25:16,909 01:25:18,778 I'm in. I'm in.
1747 01:25:18,811 01:25:22,849 And I think we confirmed that you've got my cellphone number. And I think we confirmed that you've got my cellphone number.
1748 01:25:22,882 01:25:26,318 Let's just do e-mail. It's a little more professional. Let's just do e-mail. It's a little more professional.
1749 01:25:26,351 01:25:29,989 Okay, but you know you can call me anytime you want. Okay, but you know you can call me anytime you want.
1750 01:25:30,022 01:25:31,590 Thanks, sir. Thanks, sir.
1751 01:25:31,623 01:25:34,593 Thanks, Chip. Thanks, Chip.
1752 01:25:34,626 01:25:35,995 So it begins. So it begins.
1753 01:25:36,028 01:25:38,798 Whew. So it begins. Whew. So it begins.
1754 01:25:45,037 01:25:48,007 Deejay: You know your opening act from the Pennsylvania Improv Deejay: You know your opening act from the Pennsylvania Improv
1755 01:25:48,040 01:25:50,375 and other clubs and colleges. and other clubs and colleges.
1756 01:25:50,408 01:25:54,379 Give it up for Will Chu. Give it up for Will Chu.
1757 01:25:54,412 01:25:57,349 Kansas City, how you guys doing? Kansas City, how you guys doing?
1758 01:26:04,456 01:26:06,324 You know, I used to be a full-time physician. You know, I used to be a full-time physician.
1759 01:26:06,358 01:26:08,627 And I was doing stand-up comedy on the side. And I was doing stand-up comedy on the side.
1760 01:26:08,661 01:26:12,932 And, uh, I was always scared to make that next step. And, uh, I was always scared to make that next step.
1761 01:26:12,965 01:26:15,067 I was a waiter. It was the greatest job ever. I was a waiter. It was the greatest job ever.
1762 01:26:15,101 01:26:17,402 I officially never quit. I officially never quit.
1763 01:26:17,435 01:26:19,038 I just took a leave of absence. I just took a leave of absence.
1764 01:26:19,071 01:26:23,009 I still have my name tag to this day... true story. I still have my name tag to this day... true story.
1765 01:26:23,042 01:26:24,744 If this shit don't work out, If this shit don't work out,
1766 01:26:24,777 01:26:27,847 I'm going back to Golden Corral in Tallahassee. I'm going back to Golden Corral in Tallahassee.
1767 01:26:27,880 01:26:31,050 My first night doing stand-up, I actually did really well. My first night doing stand-up, I actually did really well.
1768 01:26:31,083 01:26:32,685 Like, by accident. Like, by accident.
1769 01:26:32,718 01:26:35,353 And then I bombed for like two years after that And then I bombed for like two years after that
1770 01:26:35,387 01:26:38,825 before I was, you know, able to get laughs again. before I was, you know, able to get laughs again.
1771 01:26:38,858 01:26:42,394 I was terrible. Horrible. Just horrendous. I was terrible. Horrible. Just horrendous.
1772 01:26:42,427 01:26:43,763 You got five minutes, You got five minutes,
1773 01:26:43,796 01:26:46,933 and I think I did four at the most maybe. and I think I did four at the most maybe.
1774 01:26:46,966 01:26:48,835 And the second time, I did three. And the second time, I did three.
1775 01:26:48,868 01:26:52,071 You would have thought I would have gotten longer, You would have thought I would have gotten longer,
1776 01:26:52,104 01:26:53,505 but I actually got shorter. but I actually got shorter.
1777 01:26:53,538 01:26:55,942 I did some editing. I did some editing.
1778 01:26:55,975 01:26:57,542 So yeah, I guess it was kind of hard. So yeah, I guess it was kind of hard.
1779 01:26:57,576 01:27:01,413 But it was fun because I loved it. But it was fun because I loved it.
1780 01:27:01,446 01:27:05,483 And I guess if I looked at it logically, And I guess if I looked at it logically,
1781 01:27:05,517 01:27:07,153 I probably wouldn't have done it. I probably wouldn't have done it.
1782 01:27:11,876 01:27:16,876 Subtitles by explosiveskull www.OpenSubtitles.org Subtitles by explosiveskull www.OpenSubtitles.org