# Start End Original Translated
1 00:00:11,340 00:00:14,281 Sorry. It was a one-time offense, man. Sorry. It was a one-time offense, man.
2 00:00:14,381 00:00:16,183 Won't happen again! Won't happen again!
3 00:00:23,257 00:00:25,359 Come on, man. All I did was jaywalk. Come on, man. All I did was jaywalk.
4 00:00:25,826 00:00:28,128 Stop! No! Please! Stop! No! Please!
5 00:00:28,195 00:00:30,230 No! No! No! No!
6 00:01:00,928 00:01:02,963 I'm the Batman! I'm the Batman!
7 00:02:12,099 00:02:13,667 Tonight all of Gotham Tonight all of Gotham
8 00:02:13,767 00:02:16,336 again finds itself terrorized by Joker. again finds itself terrorized by Joker.
9 00:02:16,436 00:02:18,805 Only this time, instead of breaking the law Only this time, instead of breaking the law
10 00:02:18,872 00:02:20,541 he's enforcing it. he's enforcing it.
11 00:02:20,607 00:02:22,809 Donning the costume and mocking the methods Donning the costume and mocking the methods
12 00:02:22,910 00:02:25,279 of his constant rival the Batman. of his constant rival the Batman.
13 00:02:25,379 00:02:28,448 Joker has inexplicably turned to fighting crime. Joker has inexplicably turned to fighting crime.
14 00:02:28,515 00:02:29,850 The crazed catch? The crazed catch?
15 00:02:29,917 00:02:31,852 It seems the offenses he targets It seems the offenses he targets
16 00:02:31,952 00:02:34,521 barely qualify as crimes, at all. barely qualify as crimes, at all.
17 00:02:34,621 00:02:37,090 And as Kimberly Smith, the 78-year-old And as Kimberly Smith, the 78-year-old
18 00:02:37,157 00:02:39,927 grandmother of ten, learned after absentmindedly driving grandmother of ten, learned after absentmindedly driving
19 00:02:40,027 00:02:42,596 for three blocks with her turn signal flashing for three blocks with her turn signal flashing
20 00:02:42,696 00:02:44,531 while the crimes may be minor while the crimes may be minor
21 00:02:44,631 00:02:47,734 Joker's punishment of them is anything but... Joker's punishment of them is anything but...
22 00:02:49,536 00:02:52,472 Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
23 00:02:52,639 00:02:55,208 But why do you suppose the tribute, Master Bruce? But why do you suppose the tribute, Master Bruce?
24 00:02:55,309 00:02:57,611 Cheap knockoff is more like it. Cheap knockoff is more like it.
25 00:02:57,711 00:02:59,546 But what troubles me most But what troubles me most
26 00:02:59,646 00:03:02,783 is that my antidote failed to cure Joker's jaywalker. is that my antidote failed to cure Joker's jaywalker.
27 00:03:02,883 00:03:04,952 A new strain of Joker Gas. A new strain of Joker Gas.
28 00:03:05,018 00:03:07,521 How very ghastly indeed! How very ghastly indeed!
29 00:03:19,967 00:03:21,668 Huh? J-Joker? Huh? J-Joker?
30 00:03:21,802 00:03:23,136 Where? Where?
31 00:03:25,872 00:03:28,442 I don't know what you're after but you will be stopped. I don't know what you're after but you will be stopped.
32 00:03:28,508 00:03:32,379 The only thing I'm after, mayor, are the bad guys. The only thing I'm after, mayor, are the bad guys.
33 00:03:32,613 00:03:34,514 Then how do you justify what you did Then how do you justify what you did
34 00:03:34,615 00:03:37,217 to three of Gotham PD's finest today? to three of Gotham PD's finest today?
35 00:03:37,317 00:03:39,186 And for what, speeding? And for what, speeding?
36 00:03:39,286 00:03:41,288 It was a police chase. It was a police chase.
37 00:03:41,455 00:03:43,724 No one's above the law. No one's above the law.
38 00:03:46,960 00:03:49,296 "Bill for services rendered?" "Bill for services rendered?"
39 00:03:49,396 00:03:52,265 "One million dollars." What? "One million dollars." What?
40 00:03:52,366 00:03:55,602 Crime-fighting ain't charity work, you know. Crime-fighting ain't charity work, you know.
41 00:03:55,769 00:03:57,704 And if the city doesn't comply? And if the city doesn't comply?
42 00:03:57,771 00:04:01,108 Then Gotham pays... dearly! Then Gotham pays... dearly!
43 00:04:04,277 00:04:05,545 Sorry. Sorry.
44 00:04:07,314 00:04:11,385 I must say, mayor, of all the scum I've taken down so far I must say, mayor, of all the scum I've taken down so far
45 00:04:11,485 00:04:15,122 it was your wife who disappointed me the most. it was your wife who disappointed me the most.
46 00:04:15,989 00:04:17,991 My wife? Sheila? My wife? Sheila?
47 00:04:18,158 00:04:20,160 What have you done to Sheila? What have you done to Sheila?
48 00:04:20,227 00:04:23,030 Eleven items at a ten-item grocery checkout. Eleven items at a ten-item grocery checkout.
49 00:04:23,130 00:04:24,898 She had it coming. She had it coming.
50 00:04:30,537 00:04:31,938 Sheila. Sheila.
51 00:04:32,139 00:04:33,507 Sheila! Sheila!
52 00:04:42,282 00:04:44,251 - Well, well, well. - Huh? - Well, well, well. - Huh?
53 00:04:44,951 00:04:46,687 Graffiti! Graffiti!
54 00:04:46,953 00:04:49,856 That's a pretty serious offense, girls. That's a pretty serious offense, girls.
55 00:04:49,923 00:04:52,225 But that's why I became a crime fighter. But that's why I became a crime fighter.
56 00:04:52,359 00:04:55,095 To take out garbage like you. To take out garbage like you.
57 00:05:00,000 00:05:02,469 The costume party's over, Joker. The costume party's over, Joker.
58 00:05:02,736 00:05:04,604 Joker? Didn't you hear? Joker? Didn't you hear?
59 00:05:04,738 00:05:07,374 The clown prince of crime's checked out. The clown prince of crime's checked out.
60 00:05:07,441 00:05:09,342 He just couldn't take anymore. He just couldn't take anymore.
61 00:05:09,443 00:05:11,311 Couldn't take the Batman. Couldn't take the Batman.
62 00:05:11,411 00:05:13,847 Always there to thwart his latest scheme. Always there to thwart his latest scheme.
63 00:05:13,947 00:05:16,750 Well, it was really starting to drive him mad. Well, it was really starting to drive him mad.
64 00:05:17,384 00:05:19,052 But then Joker thought But then Joker thought
65 00:05:19,119 00:05:20,921 if he couldn't beat the Bat, if he couldn't beat the Bat,
66 00:05:20,987 00:05:22,956 he'd be the Bat. he'd be the Bat.
67 00:05:24,558 00:05:26,827 Then Gotham has one Batman too many. Then Gotham has one Batman too many.
68 00:05:26,927 00:05:29,663 Which means one of us has gotta go. Which means one of us has gotta go.
69 00:05:29,763 00:05:31,698 My thoughts exactly. My thoughts exactly.
70 00:06:36,329 00:06:40,100 New-and-improved Batman beats original recipe. New-and-improved Batman beats original recipe.
71 00:06:41,234 00:06:43,804 But that doesn't mean our rivalry has to end. But that doesn't mean our rivalry has to end.
72 00:06:43,904 00:06:46,239 You see, the Batman needs a Joker. You see, the Batman needs a Joker.
73 00:06:46,339 00:06:48,508 Someone who gives him purpose. Someone who gives him purpose.
74 00:06:48,608 00:06:51,344 Which means if I'm going to make it as the Dark Knight Which means if I'm going to make it as the Dark Knight
75 00:06:51,411 00:06:54,614 I'm going to need a Joker of my own. I'm going to need a Joker of my own.
76 00:06:54,681 00:06:57,684 And who better a foil than you, old friend? And who better a foil than you, old friend?
77 00:07:06,259 00:07:07,761 Joker Venom. Joker Venom.
78 00:07:07,861 00:07:11,031 Just the thing to inject a bit of humor into you. Just the thing to inject a bit of humor into you.
79 00:07:16,069 00:07:17,604 Don't fret, Batman. Don't fret, Batman.
80 00:07:17,704 00:07:19,472 You'll soon make a great Joker. You'll soon make a great Joker.
81 00:07:19,539 00:07:22,442 Just don't forget to smile. Just don't forget to smile.
82 00:07:37,490 00:07:40,060 That is quite a nasty bite, sir. That is quite a nasty bite, sir.
83 00:07:40,302 00:07:42,929 - Really, Alfred, it's nothing. - Nothing? - Really, Alfred, it's nothing. - Nothing?
84 00:07:43,029 00:07:46,266 Who knows what chemical concoction that madman cooked up for you. Who knows what chemical concoction that madman cooked up for you.
85 00:07:46,399 00:07:48,602 Look, if the snake's venom was harmful Look, if the snake's venom was harmful
86 00:07:48,668 00:07:50,570 I'm sure I'd know it by now. I'm sure I'd know it by now.
87 00:07:50,670 00:07:53,807 But to tell the truth, Alfred, I feel great. But to tell the truth, Alfred, I feel great.
88 00:07:54,040 00:07:55,942 Even a bit chipper. Even a bit chipper.
89 00:07:56,676 00:07:59,512 Even so, we should let your lab results Even so, we should let your lab results
90 00:07:59,579 00:08:01,381 inform us whether anything dangerous inform us whether anything dangerous
91 00:08:01,481 00:08:03,650 is currently coursing through your veins. is currently coursing through your veins.
92 00:08:03,750 00:08:06,286 I think the only dangerous thing you're gonna find I think the only dangerous thing you're gonna find
93 00:08:06,419 00:08:08,021 are my cholesterol levels. are my cholesterol levels.
94 00:08:09,155 00:08:10,361 Sir? Sir?
95 00:08:10,457 00:08:13,627 Uh, nothing, Alfred. Just a bad joke. Uh, nothing, Alfred. Just a bad joke.
96 00:08:13,827 00:08:15,629 Well, I'd better get to the hospital Well, I'd better get to the hospital
97 00:08:15,695 00:08:18,999 and see about sneaking a blood sample from Mayor Grange's wife. and see about sneaking a blood sample from Mayor Grange's wife.
98 00:08:19,232 00:08:22,269 Uh, sir, all things considered, until we know your results Uh, sir, all things considered, until we know your results
99 00:08:22,369 00:08:24,604 I must insist you remain in the Batcave. I must insist you remain in the Batcave.
100 00:08:24,771 00:08:26,706 Sorry, Alfred, right now I'm the only hope Sorry, Alfred, right now I'm the only hope
101 00:08:26,806 00:08:28,742 of Joker's victims getting an antidote. of Joker's victims getting an antidote.
102 00:08:28,842 00:08:32,379 And, besides, Mayor Grange could probably use some support. And, besides, Mayor Grange could probably use some support.
103 00:08:32,445 00:08:35,148 Seeing an old friend might bring a smile to his face. Seeing an old friend might bring a smile to his face.
104 00:08:41,488 00:08:44,491 I can't begin to imagine what you're going through, mayor. I can't begin to imagine what you're going through, mayor.
105 00:08:44,591 00:08:47,327 It's been a real tough stretch, Bruce. It's been a real tough stretch, Bruce.
106 00:08:48,061 00:08:50,830 Your arm? You hurt yourself? Your arm? You hurt yourself?
107 00:08:51,031 00:08:52,565 Cut myself shaving. Cut myself shaving.
108 00:08:54,567 00:08:56,102 I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
109 00:08:58,004 00:08:59,706 Uh, yes, well... Uh, yes, well...
110 00:08:59,806 00:09:01,341 I am glad you came, Bruce. I am glad you came, Bruce.
111 00:09:01,441 00:09:03,310 I was hoping I could get your advice. I was hoping I could get your advice.
112 00:09:03,376 00:09:06,012 Joker's demanding a large ransom and the city Joker's demanding a large ransom and the city
113 00:09:06,112 00:09:09,849 well just doesn't have that kind of money available. well just doesn't have that kind of money available.
114 00:09:10,183 00:09:12,786 If it means helping Gotham and easing your burden If it means helping Gotham and easing your burden
115 00:09:12,886 00:09:14,955 I can write you a check right now. I can write you a check right now.
116 00:09:15,221 00:09:17,324 You, you'd do that? You, you'd do that?
117 00:09:17,624 00:09:19,192 No. No.
118 00:09:19,592 00:09:21,728 Yes. Yes.
119 00:09:22,696 00:09:24,564 I'm not sure that's funny, Bruce. I'm not sure that's funny, Bruce.
120 00:09:24,664 00:09:27,801 No, uh, I-I'm being very serious, sir. No, uh, I-I'm being very serious, sir.
121 00:09:29,803 00:09:32,172 Are you sure everything's alright? Are you sure everything's alright?
122 00:09:34,207 00:09:38,311 Uh, maybe I am a little bit out of sorts. Uh, maybe I am a little bit out of sorts.
123 00:09:39,145 00:09:41,014 Why don't we see how Sheila's doing? Why don't we see how Sheila's doing?
124 00:09:43,316 00:09:46,086 I wanna warn you, it's pretty shocking. I wanna warn you, it's pretty shocking.
125 00:09:49,889 00:09:52,258 Oh, that's terri... Oh, that's terri...
126 00:09:57,230 00:09:59,065 Bruce, please. Bruce, please.
127 00:10:00,800 00:10:02,302 Sorry. Oh! Sorry. Oh!
128 00:10:02,402 00:10:04,004 I don't know what's come over me. I don't know what's come over me.
129 00:10:07,640 00:10:10,352 Excuse me. Sorry. Excuse me. Sorry.
130 00:10:13,613 00:10:14,814 Hey! Hey!
131 00:10:16,616 00:10:18,485 The Joker Venom. The Joker Venom.
132 00:10:24,557 00:10:27,093 The results of the lab analysis are grim, Alfred. The results of the lab analysis are grim, Alfred.
133 00:10:27,193 00:10:28,528 Very grim. Very grim.
134 00:10:28,628 00:10:31,398 It seems Joker's new venom attacks the nervous system It seems Joker's new venom attacks the nervous system
135 00:10:31,564 00:10:33,733 and forces the body into gradually increasing and forces the body into gradually increasing
136 00:10:33,800 00:10:35,935 fits of laughter until finally-- fits of laughter until finally--
137 00:10:36,002 00:10:38,071 Joker said he wanted an archenemy Joker said he wanted an archenemy
138 00:10:38,171 00:10:40,173 but he didn't say a pulse was required. but he didn't say a pulse was required.
139 00:10:40,273 00:10:42,509 That's rich! That's rich!
140 00:10:42,609 00:10:45,812 You crack me up, Al. You crack me up, Al.
141 00:10:49,916 00:10:51,951 So, I devised this antidote. So, I devised this antidote.
142 00:10:52,018 00:10:54,354 All I need is a sample of Joker's original venom All I need is a sample of Joker's original venom
143 00:10:54,454 00:10:55,722 in order to complete it. in order to complete it.
144 00:10:55,789 00:10:58,191 Which would require finding Joker. Which would require finding Joker.
145 00:10:58,591 00:11:01,628 And soon, at the poison's current rate of progress And soon, at the poison's current rate of progress
146 00:11:01,694 00:11:03,997 I have an hour left to live. I have an hour left to live.
147 00:11:05,665 00:11:08,301 And now only 59 minutes, 39 seconds. And now only 59 minutes, 39 seconds.
148 00:11:09,903 00:11:11,971 Fifty, fifty nine minutes, 27 seconds. Fifty, fifty nine minutes, 27 seconds.
149 00:11:14,040 00:11:16,843 Things can't get any worse now, can they? Things can't get any worse now, can they?
150 00:11:30,123 00:11:31,958 Tweet, tweet! Tweet, tweet!
151 00:11:48,942 00:11:50,877 Pull yourself together, sir. Pull yourself together, sir.
152 00:11:50,944 00:11:52,612 I'm sorry, Alfred. I'm sorry, Alfred.
153 00:11:52,846 00:11:56,149 This venom is driving me batty. Batty! This venom is driving me batty. Batty!
154 00:11:59,819 00:12:01,321 The Batwave. The Batwave.
155 00:12:02,822 00:12:05,391 Break-in at, at the Gotham Museum of Art. Break-in at, at the Gotham Museum of Art.
156 00:12:05,492 00:12:06,459 Joker? Joker?
157 00:12:06,559 00:12:09,129 The crime clown has a different MO these days. The crime clown has a different MO these days.
158 00:12:09,229 00:12:12,932 Isn't the museum hosting a collection of priceless Faberge eggs this week? Isn't the museum hosting a collection of priceless Faberge eggs this week?
159 00:12:13,032 00:12:14,467 You don't think... You don't think...
160 00:12:14,567 00:12:16,636 Mm-hmm. Penguin. Mm-hmm. Penguin.
161 00:12:16,903 00:12:18,805 As much as I hate to suggest it As much as I hate to suggest it
162 00:12:18,905 00:12:21,875 Oswald Cobblepot will have to get a free pass tonight Oswald Cobblepot will have to get a free pass tonight
163 00:12:21,975 00:12:24,377 as your focus must be on finding Joker. as your focus must be on finding Joker.
164 00:12:24,544 00:12:26,079 If Joker's playing Batman, If Joker's playing Batman,
165 00:12:26,146 00:12:27,881 he'll be there to take down Penguin. he'll be there to take down Penguin.
166 00:12:27,981 00:12:30,150 I can hit two birds with one stone. I can hit two birds with one stone.
167 00:12:30,250 00:12:31,985 Get it? Birds! Get it? Birds!
168 00:12:34,921 00:12:36,556 Good one, sir. Good one, sir.
169 00:12:38,124 00:12:40,627 Break-in at the Gotham Museum of Art? Break-in at the Gotham Museum of Art?
170 00:12:40,727 00:12:42,896 This looks like a job for... This looks like a job for...
171 00:12:42,962 00:12:44,664 ...the Batman. ...the Batman.
172 00:13:03,183 00:13:08,021 Uh, these precious eggs are gonna hatch me a fortune. Uh, these precious eggs are gonna hatch me a fortune.
173 00:13:08,188 00:13:10,056 The perfect crime. The perfect crime.
174 00:13:10,156 00:13:13,259 No fuss, no muss, and no-- No fuss, no muss, and no--
175 00:13:13,326 00:13:14,794 Penguin! Penguin!
176 00:13:16,429 00:13:18,097 Batman. Batman.
177 00:13:36,416 00:13:38,918 Quack! Huh? Quack! Huh?
178 00:13:40,220 00:13:41,754 Joker? Joker?
179 00:13:42,055 00:13:43,523 I'm the Batman. I'm the Batman.
180 00:13:44,791 00:13:46,526 You see, the thing is... You see, the thing is...
181 00:13:46,593 00:13:48,127 ...you're not! ...you're not!
182 00:13:48,328 00:13:50,964 The eggs, Penguin, or I scramble you. The eggs, Penguin, or I scramble you.
183 00:13:51,064 00:13:52,599 Are you out of your gourd? Are you out of your gourd?
184 00:13:52,699 00:13:54,434 I'm in the middle of a heist! I'm in the middle of a heist!
185 00:13:54,534 00:13:56,269 You don't see me barging in You don't see me barging in
186 00:13:56,369 00:13:58,972 on your "gas all of Gotham" schemes, do you? on your "gas all of Gotham" schemes, do you?
187 00:13:59,072 00:14:01,641 It is called professional courtesy. It is called professional courtesy.
188 00:14:01,741 00:14:05,111 Sorry, Pengie, but bringing down Gotham's second-biggest criminal Sorry, Pengie, but bringing down Gotham's second-biggest criminal
189 00:14:05,211 00:14:07,780 means my biggest bounty yet. means my biggest bounty yet.
190 00:14:08,214 00:14:09,916 Second-biggest? Second-biggest?
191 00:14:09,983 00:14:11,351 Says who? Says who?
192 00:14:27,667 00:14:29,369 Arr-rrgh! Arr-rrgh!
193 00:14:41,481 00:14:43,316 - Joker! - Batman? - Joker! - Batman?
194 00:14:44,817 00:14:48,187 If it isn't dumb and dumber. If it isn't dumb and dumber.
195 00:14:51,758 00:14:55,161 Okay, now you two are startin' to creep me out. Okay, now you two are startin' to creep me out.
196 00:14:55,328 00:14:57,597 This is no longer funny, Joker. This is no longer funny, Joker.
197 00:14:59,499 00:15:01,434 Hand over the venom. Hand over the venom.
198 00:15:04,304 00:15:07,573 But you're so close to completing your evolution. But you're so close to completing your evolution.
199 00:15:07,640 00:15:10,143 Ah, well, it seems you two have something to settle. Ah, well, it seems you two have something to settle.
200 00:15:10,243 00:15:12,312 - So, I'll just-- - Not so fast, Penguin. - So, I'll just-- - Not so fast, Penguin.
201 00:15:12,412 00:15:14,080 The eggs! The eggs!
202 00:15:38,438 00:15:39,772 Yes! Yes!
203 00:15:41,974 00:15:44,277 That is one expensive omelet. That is one expensive omelet.
204 00:15:49,215 00:15:52,385 Since I can't leave here empty-handed... Since I can't leave here empty-handed...
205 00:15:56,389 00:15:58,458 You do not want that, Penguin. You do not want that, Penguin.
206 00:15:58,558 00:16:02,595 If you want it, Batman, I want it. If you want it, Batman, I want it.
207 00:16:13,673 00:16:15,007 Quack! Quack!
208 00:16:17,009 00:16:18,378 Huh? Huh?
209 00:16:24,951 00:16:26,419 Wait! Wait!
210 00:16:32,392 00:16:35,194 Comedy is timing, you know? Comedy is timing, you know?
211 00:16:54,414 00:16:58,818 Well, now, what could it be that you want so badly? Well, now, what could it be that you want so badly?
212 00:16:58,885 00:17:01,654 Ooh, no. That is not a good idea. Ooh, no. That is not a good idea.
213 00:17:01,754 00:17:03,189 Says you! Says you!
214 00:17:08,428 00:17:09,629 Priceless. Priceless.
215 00:17:22,408 00:17:25,878 Well, guess I'll just hang out here. Well, guess I'll just hang out here.
216 00:17:26,145 00:17:29,048 Well, that's a good one, Pengie. Well, that's a good one, Pengie.
217 00:17:38,391 00:17:40,893 Tick-tock, tick-tock. Tick-tock, tick-tock.
218 00:17:42,428 00:17:43,830 You know, what's funny. You know, what's funny.
219 00:17:43,896 00:17:45,965 This situation reminds me of a joke! This situation reminds me of a joke!
220 00:17:47,500 00:17:49,368 A doctor told his patient A doctor told his patient
221 00:17:49,435 00:17:51,637 "I have bad news and worse news." "I have bad news and worse news."
222 00:17:52,872 00:17:54,907 "Oh, dear! what's the bad news?" "Oh, dear! what's the bad news?"
223 00:17:55,007 00:17:56,042 Asked the patient. Asked the patient.
224 00:17:57,410 00:17:58,478 The doctor replied The doctor replied
225 00:17:58,578 00:18:00,546 "you only have 24 hours to live!" "you only have 24 hours to live!"
226 00:18:01,881 00:18:03,783 "That's terrible," said the patient. "That's terrible," said the patient.
227 00:18:03,883 00:18:06,385 "But how can the other news possibly be worse?" "But how can the other news possibly be worse?"
228 00:18:13,326 00:18:16,662 The doctor replied, "Well, I've been trying to contact you The doctor replied, "Well, I've been trying to contact you
229 00:18:16,796 00:18:18,431 since yesterday!" since yesterday!"
230 00:18:31,010 00:18:33,513 That joke always slays 'em. That joke always slays 'em.
231 00:18:52,598 00:18:55,101 You really know how to squelch a laugh. You really know how to squelch a laugh.
232 00:18:59,906 00:19:03,242 Stop me if you've heard this one before, Joker. Stop me if you've heard this one before, Joker.
233 00:19:05,044 00:19:07,113 A man walked into a bar. A man walked into a bar.
234 00:19:10,049 00:19:11,684 And said... And said...
235 00:19:12,418 00:19:13,786 "...Ow!" "...Ow!"
236 00:19:21,561 00:19:23,663 Good one, Batman. Good one, Batman.
237 00:19:23,763 00:19:25,464 "Said, ow." "Said, ow."
238 00:19:28,568 00:19:30,469 Who knew you had it in you? Who knew you had it in you?
239 00:19:33,472 00:19:35,575 That's the Joker I know. That's the Joker I know.
240 00:19:43,249 00:19:45,051 Hey, what's so funny? Hey, what's so funny?