# Start End Original Translated
1 00:00:01,102 00:00:03,237 [theme music] [theme music]
2 00:00:20,054 00:00:22,156 (male #1) 'Yes, sir, Mr. Leonard.' (male #1) 'Yes, sir, Mr. Leonard.'
3 00:00:22,223 00:00:25,259 'We've got a really good show on for tonight.' 'We've got a really good show on for tonight.'
4 00:00:25,326 00:00:27,828 'Bunion and Bunion Soft Shoe Dancers.' 'Bunion and Bunion Soft Shoe Dancers.'
5 00:00:27,895 00:00:31,132 'Farnsworth Paradiddle inShakespeare.' 'Farnsworth Paradiddle inShakespeare.'
6 00:00:31,199 00:00:33,033 'Leonard's trained lion.' 'Leonard's trained lion.'
7 00:00:33,101 00:00:35,103 By the way, Mr. Leonard By the way, Mr. Leonard
8 00:00:35,169 00:00:37,371 how is Snagglepuss, your lion? how is Snagglepuss, your lion?
9 00:00:37,438 00:00:40,341 Still unhappy, Mr. Manager, but he'll be over it Still unhappy, Mr. Manager, but he'll be over it
10 00:00:40,408 00:00:43,043 by the time I get back from dinner. by the time I get back from dinner.
11 00:00:43,111 00:00:44,412 So long. So long.
12 00:00:45,646 00:00:49,283 Oh, the stings and arrows of sharp fate Oh, the stings and arrows of sharp fate
13 00:00:49,350 00:00:51,652 that I should suffer still longer that I should suffer still longer
14 00:00:51,719 00:00:55,356 the menial role of a pathetic buffoon. the menial role of a pathetic buffoon.
15 00:00:55,423 00:00:58,459 At the end of a whip, I doth strut my stuff. At the end of a whip, I doth strut my stuff.
16 00:00:58,526 00:01:01,095 Snap. Jump through that fire hoop. Snap. Jump through that fire hoop.
17 00:01:01,162 00:01:03,030 Snap. Roll over. Snap. Roll over.
18 00:01:03,097 00:01:08,936 Snap. Mr. Leonard puts his head in my mouth, curls and all. Snap. Mr. Leonard puts his head in my mouth, curls and all.
19 00:01:09,002 00:01:10,938 Oh, the shame of it. Oh, the shame of it.
20 00:01:11,004 00:01:12,373 (male #2) 'Manager?' (male #2) 'Manager?'
21 00:01:12,440 00:01:14,175 'I want the manager.' 'I want the manager.'
22 00:01:14,242 00:01:17,411 What's goin' on? What's goin' on? What's goin' on? What's goin' on?
23 00:01:17,478 00:01:20,080 What's wrong, Mr. Paradiddle? What's wrong, Mr. Paradiddle?
24 00:01:20,148 00:01:22,383 My dressing room has not been sprayed My dressing room has not been sprayed
25 00:01:22,450 00:01:24,818 with eau de cologne as I ordered. with eau de cologne as I ordered.
26 00:01:24,885 00:01:28,589 I will have it done immediately, Mr. Paradiddle. I will have it done immediately, Mr. Paradiddle.
27 00:01:28,656 00:01:31,792 It's too late. My mood's been shattered. It's too late. My mood's been shattered.
28 00:01:31,859 00:01:33,227 I cannot go on. I cannot go on.
29 00:01:33,294 00:01:36,096 But the show must go on. But the show must go on.
30 00:01:36,164 00:01:38,098 'Oh? Why?' 'Oh? Why?'
31 00:01:38,166 00:01:40,100 Because I don't wanna give the audience Because I don't wanna give the audience
32 00:01:40,168 00:01:42,403 their money back, what else? their money back, what else?
33 00:01:42,470 00:01:45,539 They did come to see me, didn't they? They did come to see me, didn't they?
34 00:01:45,606 00:01:48,509 Oh, well, perhaps some other time when I'm in the mood. Oh, well, perhaps some other time when I'm in the mood.
35 00:01:48,576 00:01:52,246 (male #1) 'But, but who will take your place?' (male #1) 'But, but who will take your place?'
36 00:01:52,313 00:01:54,348 What's that Farnsworth Paradiddle got What's that Farnsworth Paradiddle got
37 00:01:54,415 00:01:56,784 that I haven't got? that I haven't got?
38 00:01:56,850 00:02:00,254 This is my long awaited opportunity. This is my long awaited opportunity.
39 00:02:00,321 00:02:04,158 I, sir, shall replace Farnsworth Paradiddle. I, sir, shall replace Farnsworth Paradiddle.
40 00:02:04,225 00:02:07,361 You read Shakespeare? You read Shakespeare?
41 00:02:07,428 00:02:11,199 Read Shakespeare? I know Shakespeare backwards. Read Shakespeare? I know Shakespeare backwards.
42 00:02:11,265 00:02:16,437 Listen. Eraepsekahs, eraepsekahs. Listen. Eraepsekahs, eraepsekahs.
43 00:02:16,504 00:02:19,807 Say, that is Shakespeare backwards. Say, that is Shakespeare backwards.
44 00:02:19,873 00:02:22,476 Like I said, I don't wanna give the audience Like I said, I don't wanna give the audience
45 00:02:22,543 00:02:26,280 their money back, so you're on. their money back, so you're on.
46 00:02:26,347 00:02:29,750 A new star is born, a planet even. A new star is born, a planet even.
47 00:02:31,919 00:02:34,388 "Leonard's trained lion," eh? "Leonard's trained lion," eh?
48 00:02:34,455 00:02:36,023 By Gadfrey, it's Snagglepuss. By Gadfrey, it's Snagglepuss.
49 00:02:36,089 00:02:37,425 I'd know him anywhere. I'd know him anywhere.
50 00:02:37,491 00:02:40,594 I thought I shot the blighter in the veldt. I thought I shot the blighter in the veldt.
51 00:02:40,661 00:02:41,762 No matter. No matter.
52 00:02:43,431 00:02:46,267 This time, I'll get him front row center. This time, I'll get him front row center.
53 00:02:47,501 00:02:51,672 A hamlet by any other name is still a ham. A hamlet by any other name is still a ham.
54 00:02:51,739 00:02:54,875 He who steals my purse steals cash. He who steals my purse steals cash.
55 00:02:54,942 00:02:56,544 'How 'bout a buck and a half?' 'How 'bout a buck and a half?'
56 00:02:56,610 00:02:59,813 By Gadfrey, Shakespeare would thank me for this. By Gadfrey, Shakespeare would thank me for this.
57 00:02:59,880 00:03:01,349 bang bang bang bang bang bang
58 00:03:01,415 00:03:04,618 Heavens to buckshot, it's the major! Heavens to buckshot, it's the major!
59 00:03:04,685 00:03:06,320 bang bang bang bang bang bang
60 00:03:06,387 00:03:07,788 Pardon me, sir Pardon me, sir
61 00:03:07,855 00:03:11,024 but do you have a silencer for that gun? but do you have a silencer for that gun?
62 00:03:11,091 00:03:12,560 No, by thunder! No, by thunder!
63 00:03:12,626 00:03:15,729 Then I'm afraid you'll have to leave, sir. Then I'm afraid you'll have to leave, sir.
64 00:03:15,796 00:03:17,030 Oh, very well. Oh, very well.
65 00:03:17,097 00:03:18,466 There are more ways than one There are more ways than one
66 00:03:18,532 00:03:20,501 to skin a Snagglepuss. to skin a Snagglepuss.
67 00:03:22,002 00:03:26,607 Ah, what light through yonder window breaketh? Ah, what light through yonder window breaketh?
68 00:03:26,674 00:03:29,810 'Tis the east, and Juliet is the sun. 'Tis the east, and Juliet is the sun.
69 00:03:29,877 00:03:31,178 Or is it the daughter? Or is it the daughter?
70 00:03:31,245 00:03:34,047 Romeo, Romeo, by Gadfrey Romeo, Romeo, by Gadfrey
71 00:03:34,114 00:03:36,183 wherefore art thou, Romeo? wherefore art thou, Romeo?
72 00:03:36,250 00:03:38,085 'Herefore art I, Juliet.' 'Herefore art I, Juliet.'
73 00:03:38,151 00:03:42,356 And with wingeth feet, do I o'erstep thy balcony. And with wingeth feet, do I o'erstep thy balcony.
74 00:03:42,423 00:03:44,558 Nimbly even. Nimbly even.
75 00:03:46,026 00:03:47,761 Major, it's you! Major, it's you!
76 00:03:47,828 00:03:50,498 Yes. Didn't I shoot you in the veldt? Yes. Didn't I shoot you in the veldt?
77 00:03:50,564 00:03:54,302 I beg to differentiate. It was below the veldt. I beg to differentiate. It was below the veldt.
78 00:03:54,368 00:03:55,836 I couldn't sit down for a week. I couldn't sit down for a week.
79 00:03:55,903 00:03:58,372 'No matter, this time, I'll shoot you' 'No matter, this time, I'll shoot you'
80 00:03:58,439 00:03:59,640 ''neath the mezzanine.' ''neath the mezzanine.'
81 00:03:59,707 00:04:03,944 Exit, bowin' hastily, stage right. Exit, bowin' hastily, stage right.
82 00:04:04,011 00:04:07,881 Farewell. Partin' is such a pleasure. Farewell. Partin' is such a pleasure.
83 00:04:07,948 00:04:09,116 clang clang
84 00:04:09,182 00:04:12,786 Now hold still while I adjust the sights. Now hold still while I adjust the sights.
85 00:04:12,853 00:04:17,057 A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a.. Yikes! A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a.. Yikes!
86 00:04:17,124 00:04:19,993 (Minor) 'By Jove, I've got the range this time.' (Minor) 'By Jove, I've got the range this time.'
87 00:04:20,060 00:04:22,696 'Now, wait right there while I reload.' 'Now, wait right there while I reload.'
88 00:04:22,763 00:04:25,032 This guy must think I got time to waste This guy must think I got time to waste
89 00:04:25,098 00:04:27,000 to kill even. to kill even.
90 00:04:27,067 00:04:28,302 bang bang bang bang bang bang
91 00:04:29,570 00:04:31,138 A funny thing happened to me A funny thing happened to me
92 00:04:31,204 00:04:32,873 on the way to the theater. on the way to the theater.
93 00:04:32,940 00:04:34,007 You don't say? You don't say?
94 00:04:34,074 00:04:35,142 What happened to you What happened to you
95 00:04:35,208 00:04:37,010 on the way to the theater? on the way to the theater?
96 00:04:37,077 00:04:40,948 A panhandler asked me for ten dollars for a cup of coffee. A panhandler asked me for ten dollars for a cup of coffee.
97 00:04:41,014 00:04:45,118 Ten dollars? Isn't that a lot of money for a cup of coffee? Ten dollars? Isn't that a lot of money for a cup of coffee?
98 00:04:45,185 00:04:48,088 'Well, he said he was a heavy tipper.' 'Well, he said he was a heavy tipper.'
99 00:04:48,155 00:04:50,190 'Ha ha ha ha. Get it?' 'Ha ha ha ha. Get it?'
100 00:04:50,257 00:04:51,892 By Gadfrey, I get it By Gadfrey, I get it
101 00:04:51,959 00:04:55,195 'and now by Joe Miller, you're going to get it.' 'and now by Joe Miller, you're going to get it.'
102 00:04:55,262 00:04:56,764 Don't be worried. Don't be worried.
103 00:04:56,830 00:04:59,533 By the time he gets the range, reloads By the time he gets the range, reloads
104 00:04:59,600 00:05:02,803 sharpens the firin' pin, adjusts the sling sharpens the firin' pin, adjusts the sling
105 00:05:02,870 00:05:04,071 and all that jazz and all that jazz
106 00:05:04,137 00:05:06,173 I'll be miles away from here. I'll be miles away from here.
107 00:05:06,239 00:05:07,475 boom boom
108 00:05:08,509 00:05:10,411 Heavens to Murgatroyd! Heavens to Murgatroyd!
109 00:05:10,478 00:05:13,414 He must be the fastest gun alive. He must be the fastest gun alive.
110 00:05:13,481 00:05:15,849 Stop! For the sake of show business. Stop! For the sake of show business.
111 00:05:15,916 00:05:17,317 Stop and get shot! Stop and get shot!
112 00:05:17,385 00:05:20,788 - No, you stop. - Huh? - No, you stop. - Huh?
113 00:05:20,854 00:05:24,191 Just because you're a poor but honest farmer Just because you're a poor but honest farmer
114 00:05:24,257 00:05:26,059 you think you're immune, eh? you think you're immune, eh?
115 00:05:26,126 00:05:28,462 Farmer? Immune? Farmer? Immune?
116 00:05:28,529 00:05:30,163 'How 'bout the mortgage?' 'How 'bout the mortgage?'
117 00:05:30,230 00:05:31,965 How's about it? How's about it?
118 00:05:32,032 00:05:33,934 'Mortgage? What mortgage?' 'Mortgage? What mortgage?'
119 00:05:34,001 00:05:35,903 Oh, can't pay it, eh? Oh, can't pay it, eh?
120 00:05:35,969 00:05:38,672 Then you'll have to let me marry your beautiful daughter. Then you'll have to let me marry your beautiful daughter.
121 00:05:38,739 00:05:40,641 [Snagglepuss laughing] [Snagglepuss laughing]
122 00:05:40,708 00:05:42,843 Daughter? I have no daughter. Daughter? I have no daughter.
123 00:05:42,910 00:05:46,146 But I do have a nice basset hound. But I do have a nice basset hound.
124 00:05:46,213 00:05:48,716 Say, who's houndin' who around here? Say, who's houndin' who around here?
125 00:05:48,782 00:05:50,518 Now, take care of the mortgage Now, take care of the mortgage
126 00:05:50,584 00:05:52,052 'or else..' 'or else..'
127 00:05:52,119 00:05:53,186 Very well. Very well.
128 00:05:53,253 00:05:54,488 bang bang
129 00:05:54,555 00:05:57,090 Exit, for the takin' care of mortgage Exit, for the takin' care of mortgage
130 00:05:57,157 00:05:58,626 stage right. stage right.
131 00:05:58,692 00:05:59,893 [instrumental music] [instrumental music]
132 00:05:59,960 00:06:02,195 By Gadfrey, I've plenty of bullets left. By Gadfrey, I've plenty of bullets left.
133 00:06:02,262 00:06:05,433 Stop! Stop! Save the bullets. Stop! Stop! Save the bullets.
134 00:06:05,499 00:06:07,134 screech screech
135 00:06:07,200 00:06:08,168 Why? Why?
136 00:06:08,235 00:06:10,571 I can think of one big reason. I can think of one big reason.
137 00:06:10,638 00:06:13,441 Because I want you for my show. Because I want you for my show.
138 00:06:13,507 00:06:15,676 Your act is terrific. Your act is terrific.
139 00:06:15,743 00:06:17,811 Here, sign this contract. Here, sign this contract.
140 00:06:17,878 00:06:22,015 Okay, I'll sign. Write my name even. Okay, I'll sign. Write my name even.
141 00:06:22,082 00:06:24,852 'But first, let's get one thing straight.' 'But first, let's get one thing straight.'
142 00:06:24,918 00:06:28,922 We'll call the act "Snagglepuss And The Major." We'll call the act "Snagglepuss And The Major."
143 00:06:28,989 00:06:30,491 (Major) 'No, by Gadfrey.' (Major) 'No, by Gadfrey.'
144 00:06:30,558 00:06:33,026 We'll call it "The Major And Snagglepuss." We'll call it "The Major And Snagglepuss."
145 00:06:33,093 00:06:35,095 (Snagglepuss) 'I beg to the contrary wise.' (Snagglepuss) 'I beg to the contrary wise.'
146 00:06:35,162 00:06:38,899 We'll call it "Snagglepuss And The Major." We'll call it "Snagglepuss And The Major."
147 00:06:38,966 00:06:41,969 (Minor) 'Never! We'll call it "The Major And Snagglepuss."' (Minor) 'Never! We'll call it "The Major And Snagglepuss."'
148 00:06:42,035 00:06:44,237 (Snagglepuss) '"Snagglepuss And The Major."' (Snagglepuss) '"Snagglepuss And The Major."'
149 00:06:44,304 00:06:46,373 - 'The Major!' - 'Snagglepuss!' - 'The Major!' - 'Snagglepuss!'
150 00:06:46,440 00:06:48,308 That's show business. That's show business.
151 00:06:48,375 00:06:51,945 Sir, my mind is firmly made up. Sir, my mind is firmly made up.
152 00:06:52,012 00:06:54,515 We'll call it.. We'll call it..
153 00:06:54,582 00:06:58,452 We'll call it "The Major And Snagglepuss." We'll call it "The Major And Snagglepuss."
154 00:06:58,519 00:07:02,022 Shakespeare would've wanted it that way. Shakespeare would've wanted it that way.
155 00:07:05,392 00:07:07,928 [theme music] [theme music]