# Start End Original Translated
1 00:00:02,000 00:00:04,913 # They say I might as well face the truth # They say I might as well face the truth
2 00:00:05,400 00:00:08,597 # That I am just too long in the tooth # That I am just too long in the tooth
3 00:00:08,920 00:00:12,117 # So I'm an OAP and weak-kneed # So I'm an OAP and weak-kneed
4 00:00:12,360 00:00:15,352 # But I have not yet quite gone to seed # But I have not yet quite gone to seed
5 00:00:15,760 00:00:19,719 # I may be over the hill now that I have retired # I may be over the hill now that I have retired
6 00:00:19,920 00:00:23,311 # Fading away but I've not yet expired # Fading away but I've not yet expired
7 00:00:23,400 00:00:26,870 # Clapped out, run down, too old to save # Clapped out, run down, too old to save
8 00:00:27,040 00:00:29,873 # One foot in the grave # # One foot in the grave #
9 00:00:50,800 00:00:53,110 Unbelievable! Unbelievable!
10 00:00:54,160 00:00:55,958 I mean, look at that. I mean, look at that.
11 00:00:56,280 00:00:59,591 Wandering about in his bedroom without a stitch on. Wandering about in his bedroom without a stitch on.
12 00:01:01,480 00:01:04,279 Naked as the day he was born. Naked as the day he was born.
13 00:01:04,360 00:01:07,318 Talk about being an exhibitionist. Talk about being an exhibitionist.
14 00:01:09,640 00:01:14,111 I thought he'd one of those balloon animals tied to his waist at first. I thought he'd one of those balloon animals tied to his waist at first.
15 00:01:15,840 00:01:19,834 Well, they've made a complete pig's breakfast of that new shower. Well, they've made a complete pig's breakfast of that new shower.
16 00:01:19,920 00:01:21,399 As I knew they would. As I knew they would.
17 00:01:21,480 00:01:23,790 It takes you half an hour to get the right temperature It takes you half an hour to get the right temperature
18 00:01:23,880 00:01:26,440 and then, if you so much as flush the loo, and then, if you so much as flush the loo,
19 00:01:26,520 00:01:28,272 it turns into a blast furnace. it turns into a blast furnace.
20 00:01:28,360 00:01:29,634 Hmm-mmm. Hmm-mmm.
21 00:01:30,280 00:01:32,556 And I thought we bought those glasses for Ronnie's birthday And I thought we bought those glasses for Ronnie's birthday
22 00:01:32,640 00:01:35,837 when you've quite finished steaming up the lenses. when you've quite finished steaming up the lenses.
23 00:01:36,240 00:01:40,029 I haven't finished wrapping them yet for Thursday so mind what you're doing. I haven't finished wrapping them yet for Thursday so mind what you're doing.
24 00:01:40,120 00:01:41,633 Yes. Yes.
25 00:01:43,440 00:01:45,113 What did I just say? What did I just say?
26 00:01:46,240 00:01:50,074 You said that we... Hmm? You said that we... Hmm?
27 00:01:52,480 00:01:55,120 I might as well talk to a tin of spam. I might as well talk to a tin of spam.
28 00:01:56,960 00:01:59,429 What time's your appointment with the dentist this morning? What time's your appointment with the dentist this morning?
29 00:01:59,520 00:02:00,954 11230. 11230.
30 00:02:01,040 00:02:02,713 Thank God for that. Thank God for that.
31 00:02:03,400 00:02:06,916 I've seen enough of those temporary crowns to last me a lifetime. I've seen enough of those temporary crowns to last me a lifetime.
32 00:02:08,360 00:02:11,398 It's like being kissed good night by Bugs Bunny. It's like being kissed good night by Bugs Bunny.
33 00:02:12,960 00:02:16,271 Oh, was there anything in the post, by the way, about that job? Oh, was there anything in the post, by the way, about that job?
34 00:02:16,360 00:02:17,634 Just the phone bill. Just the phone bill.
35 00:02:17,720 00:02:21,076 And a letter from Reader's Digest saying we've both become millionaires. And a letter from Reader's Digest saying we've both become millionaires.
36 00:02:22,480 00:02:24,710 I don't suppose I'll get it anyway for one... I don't suppose I'll get it anyway for one...
37 00:02:24,800 00:02:26,359 Oh, hang on. Oh, hang on.
38 00:02:26,440 00:02:30,070 He's got one of those little trampoline things out now. He's got one of those little trampoline things out now.
39 00:02:30,440 00:02:34,559 Surely he's going to put some underpants on before he starts bouncing. Surely he's going to put some underpants on before he starts bouncing.
40 00:02:34,640 00:02:36,199 Oh, I don't... Oh, I don't...
41 00:02:36,560 00:02:38,471 Look at that! Look at that!
42 00:02:41,680 00:02:45,435 I don't think I can watch much more of this, I really don't. I don't think I can watch much more of this, I really don't.
43 00:02:57,680 00:02:59,751 NICK: Good morning, Mrs Meldrew. NICK: Good morning, Mrs Meldrew.
44 00:03:00,200 00:03:02,953 Not quite so breezy out here now, is it? Not quite so breezy out here now, is it?
45 00:03:07,080 00:03:08,639 Morning, Mr Swainey. Morning, Mr Swainey.
46 00:03:10,920 00:03:13,833 Your mother's still into her fly-fishing, then? Your mother's still into her fly-fishing, then?
47 00:03:13,920 00:03:16,833 Yeah, it'll be another five-minute wonder, I expect. Yeah, it'll be another five-minute wonder, I expect.
48 00:03:16,920 00:03:18,957 There's part of you wants to try and drum it into her There's part of you wants to try and drum it into her
49 00:03:19,040 00:03:21,316 we don't live in that big house by the river anymore. we don't live in that big house by the river anymore.
50 00:03:21,400 00:03:23,277 It was 10 years ago. It was 10 years ago.
51 00:03:23,360 00:03:25,795 Still, if it gives her pleasure. Still, if it gives her pleasure.
52 00:03:25,880 00:03:29,271 - It seems a shame to shatter her illusions. -That's right. - It seems a shame to shatter her illusions. -That's right.
53 00:03:29,360 00:03:31,192 (BLOWING DUCK WHISTLE) (BLOWING DUCK WHISTLE)
54 00:03:31,880 00:03:33,917 And it certainly doesn't make things easy. And it certainly doesn't make things easy.
55 00:03:34,000 00:03:37,072 Of course, we've got the nurse now who pops around three times a week. Of course, we've got the nurse now who pops around three times a week.
56 00:03:37,160 00:03:39,993 She's an absolute godsend, I must say. She's an absolute godsend, I must say.
57 00:03:45,600 00:03:49,070 Oh, incidentally, there's something I've been meaning to ask you, Mrs Meldrew. Oh, incidentally, there's something I've been meaning to ask you, Mrs Meldrew.
58 00:03:49,160 00:03:52,710 We are holding a sponsored silly walk for dialysis at the end of the week. We are holding a sponsored silly walk for dialysis at the end of the week.
59 00:03:52,800 00:03:56,031 I couldn't get you to sign my form, for say, Sp a mile, I couldn't get you to sign my form, for say, Sp a mile,
60 00:03:56,120 00:03:57,838 if it's not being too cheeky? if it's not being too cheeky?
61 00:03:57,920 00:03:59,638 Of course, I'd be glad to. Of course, I'd be glad to.
62 00:03:59,720 00:04:02,314 That's very kind of you. I'll pop it round... That's very kind of you. I'll pop it round...
63 00:04:03,200 00:04:04,952 Good morning, Nick. How are you? Good morning, Nick. How are you?
64 00:04:05,040 00:04:08,158 Hello, Tania. Very well indeed, thank you. Hello, Tania. Very well indeed, thank you.
65 00:04:08,240 00:04:11,119 Good. That's the ticket, then, isn't it? Good. That's the ticket, then, isn't it?
66 00:04:14,520 00:04:15,919 Right. Right.
67 00:04:16,520 00:04:19,638 We'll sort the other out, then, later on. We'll sort the other out, then, later on.
68 00:04:20,560 00:04:21,789 Yes. Yes.
69 00:04:22,680 00:04:24,830 Yeah, yeah. Bye-bye, Mrs Meldrew. Yeah, yeah. Bye-bye, Mrs Meldrew.
70 00:04:25,920 00:04:27,479 Bye, Mr Swainey. Bye, Mr Swainey.
71 00:04:53,320 00:04:55,072 (VICTOR HOWLING) (VICTOR HOWLING)
72 00:04:59,480 00:05:03,110 I don't think it's serious. He was only in there a couple of seconds. I don't think it's serious. He was only in there a couple of seconds.
73 00:05:03,440 00:05:06,159 But if you could just give us your professional opinion. But if you could just give us your professional opinion.
74 00:05:10,560 00:05:15,760 Victor, this is Tania, the nurse who looks after Mrs Swainey next door. Victor, this is Tania, the nurse who looks after Mrs Swainey next door.
75 00:05:15,840 00:05:17,592 Good morning, Mr Meldrew. Good morning, Mr Meldrew.
76 00:05:17,680 00:05:18,909 -How does it feel? -Oh. -How does it feel? -Oh.
77 00:05:19,000 00:05:21,276 -Still burning like billy-o, I bet. -Yes. -Still burning like billy-o, I bet. -Yes.
78 00:05:21,360 00:05:25,240 Now don't flinch, I'm just going to take a little look and then... Oh! Now don't flinch, I'm just going to take a little look and then... Oh!
79 00:05:25,320 00:05:26,833 Oh, what is it? Oh, what is it?
80 00:05:27,880 00:05:30,520 I didn't know you could buy these ready minted. I didn't know you could buy these ready minted.
81 00:05:30,600 00:05:32,352 What a great idea! What a great idea!
82 00:05:32,440 00:05:34,431 -Well, at Asda you can. -Really? -Well, at Asda you can. -Really?
83 00:05:34,520 00:05:38,479 -And, I think, Tesco's do their version. -Well, I never. -And, I think, Tesco's do their version. -Well, I never.
84 00:05:38,560 00:05:42,758 -But I've never seen them in Sainsbury's. -Yes! Yes! Excuse me! -But I've never seen them in Sainsbury's. -Yes! Yes! Excuse me!
85 00:05:42,840 00:05:46,959 What about my back? Will I need a skin graft or what? What about my back? Will I need a skin graft or what?
86 00:05:47,680 00:05:49,876 Nothing like that, Mr Meldrew. Nothing like that, Mr Meldrew.
87 00:05:49,960 00:05:52,600 Your bottom half's a bit red, that's all. Your bottom half's a bit red, that's all.
88 00:05:52,680 00:05:55,752 What I'll do is, I'll dab a little something on to stop the stinging What I'll do is, I'll dab a little something on to stop the stinging
89 00:05:55,840 00:05:58,036 and you should be fine. and you should be fine.
90 00:06:01,800 00:06:04,269 Oh. Ah. Oh. Ah.
91 00:06:04,720 00:06:05,755 Right. Right.
92 00:06:05,840 00:06:09,595 Well, I'll leave you and the singing detective here to it, then. Well, I'll leave you and the singing detective here to it, then.
93 00:06:13,200 00:06:14,759 Thank you. Thank you.
94 00:06:15,720 00:06:16,835 (VICTOR MOANING) (VICTOR MOANING)
95 00:06:16,920 00:06:18,399 (PHONE RINGING) (PHONE RINGING)
96 00:06:23,000 00:06:24,320 4291. 4291.
97 00:06:25,000 00:06:26,195 Oh, speaking. Oh, speaking.
98 00:06:27,040 00:06:28,030 Oh. Oh.
99 00:06:28,640 00:06:29,630 Right. Right.
100 00:06:30,000 00:06:30,990 Yes. Yes.
101 00:06:31,560 00:06:32,630 Oh, right. Oh, right.
102 00:06:32,720 00:06:35,712 Thank you for letting me know. Bye. Thank you for letting me know. Bye.
103 00:06:36,840 00:06:38,194 Bad news? Bad news?
104 00:06:38,280 00:06:41,875 Oh, just a job I went up for last week, driving a baker's van. Oh, just a job I went up for last week, driving a baker's van.
105 00:06:41,960 00:06:44,952 Had about as much chance as becoming chief rabbi. Had about as much chance as becoming chief rabbi.
106 00:06:46,040 00:06:47,030 Ah! Ah!
107 00:06:53,800 00:06:56,758 Mrs Meldrew, I brought that form for you to fill in for Friday, Mrs Meldrew, I brought that form for you to fill in for Friday,
108 00:06:56,840 00:06:59,832 -if you're still interested. -Oh, yes, of course. -if you're still interested. -Oh, yes, of course.
109 00:06:59,920 00:07:01,718 Right. Where are we? Right. Where are we?
110 00:07:02,640 00:07:04,950 How is Mr Meldrew up there? Still suffering? How is Mr Meldrew up there? Still suffering?
111 00:07:05,040 00:07:07,554 Not as much as I would've liked. No, but... Not as much as I would've liked. No, but...
112 00:07:08,600 00:07:11,638 Well, let's be reckless and say 20p. Well, let's be reckless and say 20p.
113 00:07:11,720 00:07:14,155 Oh, thank you very much indeed. Oh, thank you very much indeed.
114 00:07:14,800 00:07:17,360 Fine, that's me off now then, I think. Fine, that's me off now then, I think.
115 00:07:19,320 00:07:21,118 Perhaps get a bite to eat somewhere. Perhaps get a bite to eat somewhere.
116 00:07:21,200 00:07:25,114 Oh, right. Actually, I was thinking of popping out for some lunch myself, Oh, right. Actually, I was thinking of popping out for some lunch myself,
117 00:07:25,200 00:07:26,998 -in a minute or two. -Really? -in a minute or two. -Really?
118 00:07:27,080 00:07:29,230 Yeah. Um... Yeah. Um...
119 00:07:30,240 00:07:31,230 well... well...
120 00:07:33,640 00:07:34,869 Fine. Fine.
121 00:07:34,960 00:07:37,952 Well, uh, hope you find somewhere nice. Well, uh, hope you find somewhere nice.
122 00:07:38,040 00:07:40,111 -Yes. You, too. -Yes. -Yes. You, too. -Yes.
123 00:07:40,800 00:07:44,395 And I'll see you Wednesday, I expect. And I'll see you Wednesday, I expect.
124 00:07:45,080 00:07:47,833 -Bye, Mrs Meldrew. -Oh, bye, Tania. Thanks very much. -Bye, Mrs Meldrew. -Oh, bye, Tania. Thanks very much.
125 00:07:47,920 00:07:49,911 -Pleasure. Bye-bye. -Bye, Tania. -Pleasure. Bye-bye. -Bye, Tania.
126 00:07:53,600 00:07:54,795 (DOOR CLOSING) (DOOR CLOSING)
127 00:07:55,960 00:07:58,156 Mr Swainey! Mr Swainey!
128 00:07:58,920 00:08:00,035 Sorry. Sorry.
129 00:08:00,120 00:08:01,793 Are you blind? Are you blind?
130 00:08:02,120 00:08:04,714 She was dying for you to ask her out. She was dying for you to ask her out.
131 00:08:05,280 00:08:06,634 When? When?
132 00:08:07,920 00:08:10,833 Oh, no. I'm afraid I'm not in her league, someone like that... Oh, no. I'm afraid I'm not in her league, someone like that...
133 00:08:10,920 00:08:13,150 Don't be utterly ridiculous. Don't be utterly ridiculous.
134 00:08:13,840 00:08:17,435 She was just desperate for you to make the first move, that's all. She was just desperate for you to make the first move, that's all.
135 00:08:18,240 00:08:21,392 Well, I'd love to believe that, Mrs Meldrew, Well, I'd love to believe that, Mrs Meldrew,
136 00:08:21,480 00:08:23,756 but life's never that wonderful, is it? but life's never that wonderful, is it?
137 00:08:24,240 00:08:26,356 Anyway, thanks for the sponsorship and everything. Anyway, thanks for the sponsorship and everything.
138 00:08:26,440 00:08:30,195 I'll let you know how we get on and got to rush now. Bye. I'll let you know how we get on and got to rush now. Bye.
139 00:08:43,560 00:08:46,598 Well, you were a long while. How are they looking? Well, you were a long while. How are they looking?
140 00:08:46,680 00:08:47,875 Very good. Very good.
141 00:08:48,720 00:08:50,950 Except for the X-ray of this dodgy one, down at the bottom. Except for the X-ray of this dodgy one, down at the bottom.
142 00:08:51,040 00:08:53,839 I've got to go back on Friday now, for an extraction. I've got to go back on Friday now, for an extraction.
143 00:08:54,960 00:08:57,952 Here, I got most of the things in the shopping list. Here, I got most of the things in the shopping list.
144 00:08:58,640 00:09:01,632 It took me ages to find this bloody Polish sherry. It took me ages to find this bloody Polish sherry.
145 00:09:01,720 00:09:03,677 I had to go to 10 different shops. I had to go to 10 different shops.
146 00:09:03,760 00:09:05,034 (PHONE RINGING) (PHONE RINGING)
147 00:09:09,240 00:09:10,719 Polish sherry? Polish sherry?
148 00:09:24,320 00:09:27,790 Cor. Poland can bloody well keep it. Cor. Poland can bloody well keep it.
149 00:09:31,240 00:09:34,073 Oh, and he's forgotten to get my polish. Oh, and he's forgotten to get my polish.
150 00:09:34,160 00:09:36,629 And I wrote it down plainly in a... And I wrote it down plainly in a...
151 00:09:41,040 00:09:43,350 That was an interesting one. That was an interesting one.
152 00:09:43,440 00:09:46,592 A call from a chap who had heard I was looking for some work as a driver. A call from a chap who had heard I was looking for some work as a driver.
153 00:09:46,680 00:09:48,193 Lewis Atterbury. Lewis Atterbury.
154 00:09:48,280 00:09:52,035 Lives in one of those new houses out near Coblesham by that big military base. Lives in one of those new houses out near Coblesham by that big military base.
155 00:09:52,120 00:09:54,680 He said if I wanted to pop round this afternoon, He said if I wanted to pop round this afternoon,
156 00:09:54,760 00:09:57,229 he might be able to put some work my way. he might be able to put some work my way.
157 00:09:57,320 00:10:00,995 So that sounds quite hopeful, doesn't it? So that sounds quite hopeful, doesn't it?
158 00:10:01,680 00:10:02,670 What? What?
159 00:10:04,320 00:10:05,310 What? What?
160 00:10:08,120 00:10:09,519 Polish sherry! Polish sherry!
161 00:10:18,560 00:10:19,550 What? What?
162 00:10:22,680 00:10:25,832 Well, it'll mainly be a case of running me into the office, Well, it'll mainly be a case of running me into the office,
163 00:10:25,920 00:10:28,230 one or two meetings out of town occasionally. one or two meetings out of town occasionally.
164 00:10:28,320 00:10:32,314 Plus any other errands, of course, which crop up as and when. Plus any other errands, of course, which crop up as and when.
165 00:10:32,720 00:10:34,597 How is it feeling, by the way? How is it feeling, by the way?
166 00:10:35,320 00:10:38,711 -Good fit, surprisingly. -Yes, it's very comfortable. -Good fit, surprisingly. -Yes, it's very comfortable.
167 00:10:38,800 00:10:40,518 Thank you, Mr Atterbury. Thank you, Mr Atterbury.
168 00:10:42,040 00:10:44,873 Call me Lewis, I can't abide formalities. Call me Lewis, I can't abide formalities.
169 00:10:45,320 00:10:49,871 Now, time, I think, to introduce you to my three children. Now, time, I think, to introduce you to my three children.
170 00:10:51,360 00:10:52,919 VICTOR: Oh, right. VICTOR: Oh, right.
171 00:10:53,880 00:10:55,075 Very nice. Very nice.
172 00:10:55,920 00:11:00,915 "Very" and "nice", Victor, are not words we use to describe these three pieces of machinery. "Very" and "nice", Victor, are not words we use to describe these three pieces of machinery.
173 00:11:01,000 00:11:05,039 They are the Holy Trinity of internal combustion. They are the Holy Trinity of internal combustion.
174 00:11:05,480 00:11:08,552 As you'll discover when you get behind the wheel. As you'll discover when you get behind the wheel.
175 00:11:13,280 00:11:14,953 Sorry about the mess. Sorry about the mess.
176 00:11:15,040 00:11:19,034 Girlfriend and I were at a rather wild party in Oxfordshire on Sunday night. Girlfriend and I were at a rather wild party in Oxfordshire on Sunday night.
177 00:11:19,600 00:11:21,273 Oh, right. Oh, right.
178 00:11:23,680 00:11:25,193 So I see. So I see.
179 00:11:27,240 00:11:29,629 (NO PARTICULAR PLACE TO GO PLAYING) (NO PARTICULAR PLACE TO GO PLAYING)
180 00:12:42,600 00:12:44,637 (INAUDIBLE) (INAUDIBLE)
181 00:13:10,400 00:13:12,118 (CAR ALARM BLARING) (CAR ALARM BLARING)
182 00:13:20,360 00:13:22,476 Bloody rugby players. Bloody rugby players.
183 00:13:23,280 00:13:27,194 You are lucky you still got a job at all, the way you carry on. You are lucky you still got a job at all, the way you carry on.
184 00:13:27,320 00:13:30,358 Picking fights with every single person you meet. Picking fights with every single person you meet.
185 00:13:30,440 00:13:32,909 I do not pick fights with every person I meet. I do not pick fights with every person I meet.
186 00:13:33,000 00:13:37,836 No! That's why that man in the pub snapped off both your front teeth the other week. No! That's why that man in the pub snapped off both your front teeth the other week.
187 00:13:39,000 00:13:41,469 Like a protective tab on a video cassette. Like a protective tab on a video cassette.
188 00:13:41,760 00:13:44,718 All over a packet of cheese and onion crisps. All over a packet of cheese and onion crisps.
189 00:13:48,000 00:13:51,595 I'll either have to get a bigger hat or have my head taken in. I'll either have to get a bigger hat or have my head taken in.
190 00:13:53,040 00:13:55,395 Oh, 12:30, I'll have to move. Oh, 12:30, I'll have to move.
191 00:13:55,480 00:13:57,551 I've got to be at the airport at 4:00. I've got to be at the airport at 4:00.
192 00:13:57,640 00:13:59,392 Oh, where's he going today? Oh, where's he going today?
193 00:13:59,480 00:14:02,313 Nowhere. His parents are coming down from Scotland for the weekend Nowhere. His parents are coming down from Scotland for the weekend
194 00:14:02,400 00:14:04,437 so he wants me to pick them up. so he wants me to pick them up.
195 00:14:04,520 00:14:07,080 You haven't forgotten we're going to Ronnie and Mildred's tonight? You haven't forgotten we're going to Ronnie and Mildred's tonight?
196 00:14:07,160 00:14:09,754 I try to forget we're going to Ronnie and Mildred's tonight, I try to forget we're going to Ronnie and Mildred's tonight,
197 00:14:09,840 00:14:13,629 like you try to forget you're going to die, but it doesn't work. like you try to forget you're going to die, but it doesn't work.
198 00:14:14,240 00:14:18,552 I wonder what hideous novelties they have brought back from their holidays this year. I wonder what hideous novelties they have brought back from their holidays this year.
199 00:14:18,640 00:14:22,713 Another souvenir photograph printed on the back of a lavatory seat? Another souvenir photograph printed on the back of a lavatory seat?
200 00:14:22,800 00:14:24,950 I can't believe that pair sometimes. I can't believe that pair sometimes.
201 00:14:25,040 00:14:28,954 She rang me up earlier, in a bit of a state, because the builders still haven't finished. She rang me up earlier, in a bit of a state, because the builders still haven't finished.
202 00:14:29,040 00:14:32,476 You know they're having all that foundation work done on their extension. You know they're having all that foundation work done on their extension.
203 00:14:32,560 00:14:36,076 And I was silly enough to let slip that I wasn't doing anything this afternoon, And I was silly enough to let slip that I wasn't doing anything this afternoon,
204 00:14:36,160 00:14:39,949 so she's invited me over beforehand to give her a hand with the food. so she's invited me over beforehand to give her a hand with the food.
205 00:14:40,400 00:14:44,359 Good. You can make sure the chicken soup doesn't have feathers in it this time. Good. You can make sure the chicken soup doesn't have feathers in it this time.
206 00:14:44,440 00:14:47,558 -I'll see you there at 7:00, right? -Yes, bye! -I'll see you there at 7:00, right? -Yes, bye!
207 00:14:52,680 00:14:53,875 Right. Right.
208 00:14:55,400 00:14:56,959 (KNOCKING AT DOOR) (KNOCKING AT DOOR)
209 00:14:57,040 00:14:58,678 -Anyone in? -Hello. -Anyone in? -Hello.
210 00:14:58,760 00:15:01,434 I can't stop long, I've got to bury Auntie Sis at half past. I can't stop long, I've got to bury Auntie Sis at half past.
211 00:15:01,520 00:15:03,238 -Oh, no. -But I just wanted to say... -Oh, no. -But I just wanted to say...
212 00:15:03,320 00:15:06,472 -That was sudden. when did she die? -Oh, Saturday afternoon. -That was sudden. when did she die? -Oh, Saturday afternoon.
213 00:15:06,560 00:15:10,110 Yeah, she was attacked by an albatross in a hot air balloon. Yeah, she was attacked by an albatross in a hot air balloon.
214 00:15:10,200 00:15:13,033 All a bit nasty, I'm afraid, she fell out of the basket All a bit nasty, I'm afraid, she fell out of the basket
215 00:15:13,120 00:15:17,000 and landed on a tennis court in Droitwich, right in the middle of a tie-break. and landed on a tennis court in Droitwich, right in the middle of a tie-break.
216 00:15:17,080 00:15:19,879 -Oh, good God! -Yeah, play had to be suspended -Oh, good God! -Yeah, play had to be suspended
217 00:15:19,960 00:15:22,349 for half an hour while they disentangled her from the net. for half an hour while they disentangled her from the net.
218 00:15:22,440 00:15:26,354 So, a bit of an undignified exit really for the poor old soul, but... So, a bit of an undignified exit really for the poor old soul, but...
219 00:15:26,440 00:15:28,829 No, actually, I wanted to thank you for the other day. No, actually, I wanted to thank you for the other day.
220 00:15:28,920 00:15:31,434 You know what you said about Tania and everything. You know what you said about Tania and everything.
221 00:15:31,520 00:15:34,911 Only, I gave her a ring last night and asked if she would like to join us on Friday Only, I gave her a ring last night and asked if she would like to join us on Friday
222 00:15:35,000 00:15:36,434 for the sponsored silly walk. for the sponsored silly walk.
223 00:15:36,520 00:15:39,876 And I couldn't believe it, she said yes, she'd loved to. And I couldn't believe it, she said yes, she'd loved to.
224 00:15:39,960 00:15:44,113 I mean, yeah, I know it doesn't mean anything in itself but, well, anyway, I mean, yeah, I know it doesn't mean anything in itself but, well, anyway,
225 00:15:44,200 00:15:45,952 I just wanted you to know. I just wanted you to know.
226 00:15:46,040 00:15:48,236 What did I tell you? Now this could be your big chance, What did I tell you? Now this could be your big chance,
227 00:15:48,320 00:15:50,630 -make sure you don't blow it. -Yeah. -make sure you don't blow it. -Yeah.
228 00:15:50,720 00:15:54,600 Well, I'll keep you posted anyway, and thanks. Well, I'll keep you posted anyway, and thanks.
229 00:16:06,360 00:16:07,509 Hmm. Hmm.
230 00:16:07,600 00:16:10,114 This Polish sherry is rather delicious. This Polish sherry is rather delicious.
231 00:16:13,320 00:16:15,960 -Mildred. -Oh, thank you. -Mildred. -Oh, thank you.
232 00:16:19,000 00:16:23,631 Hmm, yes. Where did you get it, Margaret? we'll have to stock up. Hmm, yes. Where did you get it, Margaret? we'll have to stock up.
233 00:16:24,560 00:16:27,996 I'm not sure. You better ask Victor when he gets here. I'm not sure. You better ask Victor when he gets here.
234 00:16:28,080 00:16:31,357 These are just slops, aren't they? I'll put them in your bin. These are just slops, aren't they? I'll put them in your bin.
235 00:16:31,440 00:16:32,430 Oh! Oh!
236 00:16:33,520 00:16:36,399 Don't try and go in there, Margaret. You'll break your neck. Don't try and go in there, Margaret. You'll break your neck.
237 00:16:36,480 00:16:38,790 She'll break her neck, Mildred. She'll break her neck, Mildred.
238 00:16:38,880 00:16:40,871 It's a 10-foot drop. It's a 10-foot drop.
239 00:16:41,520 00:16:46,276 Two months now they've been digging. I think we were better off with the subsidence. Two months now they've been digging. I think we were better off with the subsidence.
240 00:16:48,000 00:16:50,753 Perhaps I'll just put them down the loo. Perhaps I'll just put them down the loo.
241 00:16:50,880 00:16:53,394 What time are we expecting your hubby, Margaret? What time are we expecting your hubby, Margaret?
242 00:16:53,480 00:16:56,040 Oh, I said about 7:00, all being well. Oh, I said about 7:00, all being well.
243 00:16:56,120 00:16:58,873 He's got to collect some people from the airport. He's got to collect some people from the airport.
244 00:16:59,120 00:17:02,476 MILDRED: Oh, I hope he doesn't hurry here and have an accident. MILDRED: Oh, I hope he doesn't hurry here and have an accident.
245 00:17:04,480 00:17:08,394 I don't imagine he'll be hurrying. I don't imagine he'll be hurrying.
246 00:17:09,200 00:17:10,395 No. No.
247 00:17:14,720 00:17:18,236 So, you come and stay with your son very often, then? So, you come and stay with your son very often, then?
248 00:17:18,320 00:17:21,551 Three or four times a year, I suppose, on average. Three or four times a year, I suppose, on average.
249 00:17:21,640 00:17:25,156 The traffic on that ring road never seems to get any better. The traffic on that ring road never seems to get any better.
250 00:17:25,240 00:17:28,153 I'm just wondering if we shouldn't just drop these two off I'm just wondering if we shouldn't just drop these two off
251 00:17:28,240 00:17:29,958 and then go straight to the restaurant. and then go straight to the restaurant.
252 00:17:30,040 00:17:31,155 MAN: I tend to agree. MAN: I tend to agree.
253 00:17:31,240 00:17:34,392 Do you know the big hotel near here called Abbey Grange? Do you know the big hotel near here called Abbey Grange?
254 00:17:34,480 00:17:36,118 -Oh, yes. -I don't want to risk losing -Oh, yes. -I don't want to risk losing
255 00:17:36,200 00:17:37,918 that table tonight of all nights. that table tonight of all nights.
256 00:17:38,000 00:17:41,118 -A special occasion, is it, or... -Our anniversary, actually. -A special occasion, is it, or... -Our anniversary, actually.
257 00:17:41,200 00:17:43,077 Oh, congratulations. Oh, congratulations.
258 00:17:43,160 00:17:46,915 I had hoped we might persuade Lewis to join us for once. I had hoped we might persuade Lewis to join us for once.
259 00:17:47,000 00:17:50,277 -I don't think so. -No, you're right. -I don't think so. -No, you're right.
260 00:17:50,800 00:17:53,110 It looks as if he's already out. It looks as if he's already out.
261 00:17:53,200 00:17:55,669 Sowing his oats again, as usual. Sowing his oats again, as usual.
262 00:17:56,560 00:17:58,471 Shh! They're here. Shh! They're here.
263 00:17:58,560 00:18:02,030 Come, everybody. In the conservatory, come on. Come, everybody. In the conservatory, come on.
264 00:18:02,120 00:18:05,590 Come on. Quick. Quick, quick, quick. Come on. Quick. Quick, quick, quick.
265 00:18:05,680 00:18:08,069 Through the hall. Come on. Hurry. Through the hall. Come on. Hurry.
266 00:18:08,600 00:18:11,353 Find your way through. Everybody in front, go on. Find your way through. Everybody in front, go on.
267 00:18:11,440 00:18:14,239 Go on, you're not here to enjoy yourself. Quick. Go on, you're not here to enjoy yourself. Quick.
268 00:18:17,480 00:18:22,270 Now I want total silence from everybody. I don't want to hear a word out of any of you! Now I want total silence from everybody. I don't want to hear a word out of any of you!
269 00:18:42,560 00:18:44,039 (MEOWING) (MEOWING)
270 00:18:48,280 00:18:51,910 No, no, no. No, you don't. No, no, no. No, you don't.
271 00:19:01,040 00:19:03,111 Just you behave yourselves. Just you behave yourselves.
272 00:19:11,920 00:19:13,354 LEWIS: Hello? LEWIS: Hello?
273 00:19:14,920 00:19:15,910 Hello? Hello?
274 00:19:22,200 00:19:23,634 (HONKING) (HONKING)
275 00:19:35,400 00:19:39,439 Thank you very much. Leaving me to man the fort all this time. Thank you very much. Leaving me to man the fort all this time.
276 00:19:39,520 00:19:42,797 I'm sorry. They asked me to take them on to this restaurant I'm sorry. They asked me to take them on to this restaurant
277 00:19:42,880 00:19:46,111 and I've got to go back and collect them at around 12:00. and I've got to go back and collect them at around 12:00.
278 00:19:46,640 00:19:49,792 So, I don't fancy leaving this out in the open, So, I don't fancy leaving this out in the open,
279 00:19:49,880 00:19:52,269 after what happened to the last one. after what happened to the last one.
280 00:19:54,440 00:19:56,272 Everything all right out there? Everything all right out there?
281 00:19:56,360 00:19:59,716 He's just going to put Mr Atterbury's car in your garage for a few hours, He's just going to put Mr Atterbury's car in your garage for a few hours,
282 00:19:59,800 00:20:01,279 if that's all right... if that's all right...
283 00:20:02,320 00:20:04,675 Victor! No! No! Victor! No! No!
284 00:20:05,760 00:20:08,070 It hasn't got a floor! It hasn't got a floor!
285 00:20:08,160 00:20:09,833 (CRASHING) (CRASHING)
286 00:20:15,960 00:20:19,794 VICTOR: I don't believe it! VICTOR: I don't believe it!
287 00:20:34,920 00:20:36,638 I wouldn't worry about it, Victor. I wouldn't worry about it, Victor.
288 00:20:36,720 00:20:39,997 Our son is a very tolerant and understanding person. Our son is a very tolerant and understanding person.
289 00:20:41,040 00:20:42,951 (BOTH LAUGHING) (BOTH LAUGHING)
290 00:20:44,280 00:20:47,238 Just pray he's gone to bed early. Just pray he's gone to bed early.
291 00:20:47,680 00:20:49,717 Yes. Yes.
292 00:20:51,680 00:20:53,318 (PEOPLE SHOUTING) (PEOPLE SHOUTING)
293 00:20:55,800 00:20:57,871 On the other hand... On the other hand...
294 00:21:01,120 00:21:03,509 But still, look at it on the bright side. But still, look at it on the bright side.
295 00:21:03,600 00:21:06,752 The breakdown people managed to haul it out without making The breakdown people managed to haul it out without making
296 00:21:06,840 00:21:09,673 hardly any scratch on the front, so... hardly any scratch on the front, so...
297 00:21:15,200 00:21:18,352 Just excuse me a moment, would you, please? Just excuse me a moment, would you, please?
298 00:21:32,280 00:21:33,998 Darling! Darling!
299 00:21:35,960 00:21:37,951 Put that down. Put that down.
300 00:21:39,920 00:21:46,110 Oh, come on. Look, it's very late and we're all very tired, Oh, come on. Look, it's very late and we're all very tired,
301 00:21:47,000 00:21:49,469 so don't do anything silly, all right? so don't do anything silly, all right?
302 00:21:49,560 00:21:51,756 When you told me this man wanted a job, When you told me this man wanted a job,
303 00:21:51,840 00:21:54,639 you didn't tell me he was a demolition expert. you didn't tell me he was a demolition expert.
304 00:21:55,520 00:21:58,399 Why don't you just go up to bed and have a good night's sleep? Why don't you just go up to bed and have a good night's sleep?
305 00:21:58,480 00:22:01,074 We'll talk to the insurance people in the morning. We'll talk to the insurance people in the morning.
306 00:22:09,920 00:22:14,676 Thank you. I didn't realise, actually, it was you that had... Thank you. I didn't realise, actually, it was you that had...
307 00:22:15,040 00:22:16,155 Yes. Yes.
308 00:22:16,640 00:22:18,631 Not to worry, Mr Meldrew. Not to worry, Mr Meldrew.
309 00:22:18,880 00:22:20,712 I mean, all is not lost. I mean, all is not lost.
310 00:22:21,600 00:22:23,477 We've still got the Jag left. We've still got the Jag left.
311 00:22:30,440 00:22:34,832 Yes, I've just dropped him off at the bank and now I'm on my way to the dentist. Yes, I've just dropped him off at the bank and now I'm on my way to the dentist.
312 00:22:34,920 00:22:37,230 So, it's all working out quite well... So, it's all working out quite well...
313 00:22:37,440 00:22:38,919 Sorry, what? Sorry, what?
314 00:22:39,000 00:22:41,469 No, not at all. He seems fine. No, not at all. He seems fine.
315 00:22:42,200 00:22:43,793 Surprisingly. Surprisingly.
316 00:22:44,560 00:22:48,315 I don't know what she said to him last night, or did. I don't know what she said to him last night, or did.
317 00:22:49,720 00:22:53,076 No sign of any footprints on the windscreen this morning at any rate. No sign of any footprints on the windscreen this morning at any rate.
318 00:22:54,680 00:22:56,034 Right, yes. Right, yes.
319 00:22:57,120 00:22:59,680 Well, good luck with your appointment. Well, good luck with your appointment.
320 00:22:59,760 00:23:00,750 Yes. Yes.
321 00:23:01,320 00:23:03,550 And I'll see you later. Bye. And I'll see you later. Bye.
322 00:23:18,840 00:23:21,229 Afternoon, Mrs Meldrew. Are you well? Afternoon, Mrs Meldrew. Are you well?
323 00:23:22,040 00:23:24,156 Yes, thank you, Mr Swainey. Yes, thank you, Mr Swainey.
324 00:23:24,240 00:23:26,754 Are you all ready for the off, then? Are you all ready for the off, then?
325 00:23:26,840 00:23:30,674 Yes, yes. A 330 start outside St Luke's, just around the corner. Yes, yes. A 330 start outside St Luke's, just around the corner.
326 00:23:30,760 00:23:33,195 Tania said she'd meet me there so I'd... Tania said she'd meet me there so I'd...
327 00:23:33,280 00:23:34,998 About Tania... About Tania...
328 00:23:35,080 00:23:36,878 And I've got everything planned for this evening. And I've got everything planned for this evening.
329 00:23:36,960 00:23:40,078 I managed to get two tickets for that new Eddie Murphy film. I managed to get two tickets for that new Eddie Murphy film.
330 00:23:40,160 00:23:41,992 And afterwards, I thought she might like to go And afterwards, I thought she might like to go
331 00:23:42,080 00:23:44,674 to this nice little Italian restaurant, which is right next to... to this nice little Italian restaurant, which is right next to...
332 00:23:44,760 00:23:46,990 Yes, Mr Swainey, Yes, Mr Swainey,
333 00:23:47,080 00:23:51,790 I'm afraid Victor and I ran into Tania, I'm afraid Victor and I ran into Tania,
334 00:23:53,000 00:23:54,638 last night actually. last night actually.
335 00:23:55,960 00:23:59,715 It was at this big party at someone's house It was at this big party at someone's house
336 00:24:00,800 00:24:03,519 and she was there with... and she was there with...
337 00:24:04,000 00:24:05,479 Yes. Right. Yes. Right.
338 00:24:06,360 00:24:07,350 I see. I see.
339 00:24:08,360 00:24:10,590 Thank you, Mrs Meldrew, I understand. Thank you, Mrs Meldrew, I understand.
340 00:24:10,680 00:24:13,240 I'm sorry, Mr Swainey, I didn't... I'm sorry, Mr Swainey, I didn't...
341 00:24:13,560 00:24:15,198 No, no, no, it's... No, no, no, it's...
342 00:24:16,520 00:24:18,591 Well, thanks for all your help anyway. Well, thanks for all your help anyway.
343 00:24:20,240 00:24:21,799 I feel so awful. I feel so awful.
344 00:24:22,920 00:24:24,718 Especially after we... Especially after we...
345 00:24:25,920 00:24:27,274 I mean... I mean...
346 00:24:28,280 00:24:29,714 You were right. You were right.
347 00:24:29,800 00:24:30,790 Yeah. Yeah.
348 00:24:31,520 00:24:33,193 Well, I'll see you later. Well, I'll see you later.
349 00:24:41,880 00:24:44,190 Life's never that wonderful. Life's never that wonderful.
350 00:24:50,560 00:24:53,473 Karen, could you just give me a quick hand with this thing, please? Karen, could you just give me a quick hand with this thing, please?
351 00:24:53,560 00:24:54,550 Okay. Okay.
352 00:25:11,560 00:25:14,837 Sorry about that, Mr Meldrew, our equipment's all blowing up this morning. Sorry about that, Mr Meldrew, our equipment's all blowing up this morning.
353 00:25:14,920 00:25:17,594 You can close it now, you're all done with. You can close it now, you're all done with.
354 00:25:17,920 00:25:21,197 I should keep the cotton wool plug in there for about half an hour. I should keep the cotton wool plug in there for about half an hour.
355 00:25:21,280 00:25:24,318 Any minor pain once the numbing wears off, just take a couple of aspirin. Any minor pain once the numbing wears off, just take a couple of aspirin.
356 00:25:24,400 00:25:25,390 Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.
357 00:25:28,640 00:25:29,630 Mmm. Mmm.
358 00:25:31,040 00:25:34,476 No, no, the car appears to be still in one piece, No, no, the car appears to be still in one piece,
359 00:25:34,560 00:25:36,392 for the moment but... for the moment but...
360 00:25:37,000 00:25:38,877 Yeah, okay, I will. Bye. Yeah, okay, I will. Bye.
361 00:25:41,400 00:25:43,232 How is the tooth feeling by the way? How is the tooth feeling by the way?
362 00:25:43,320 00:25:46,153 Oh, my jaw seems to be throbbing quite a lot for some reason. Oh, my jaw seems to be throbbing quite a lot for some reason.
363 00:25:46,240 00:25:48,072 Don't take your eyes off the road. Don't take your eyes off the road.
364 00:25:48,160 00:25:50,151 No, sorry, I was just... No, sorry, I was just...
365 00:25:50,240 00:25:54,199 Perhaps if I can get rid of this thing now, I might... Perhaps if I can get rid of this thing now, I might...
366 00:25:57,040 00:25:58,189 Ah! Ah!
367 00:25:58,280 00:26:00,715 Oh, my God Almighty! Oh, my God Almighty!
368 00:26:00,920 00:26:03,150 What's it doing? What was that? What's it doing? What was that?
369 00:26:03,240 00:26:04,560 (VICTOR HOWLING) (VICTOR HOWLING)
370 00:26:08,640 00:26:10,039 Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
371 00:26:13,320 00:26:14,719 What is that thing? What is that thing?
372 00:26:14,800 00:26:15,835 (STUTTERING) (STUTTERING)
373 00:26:15,920 00:26:18,594 A bee in the car, Mr Lewis! A bee in the car, Mr Lewis!
374 00:26:21,920 00:26:24,833 Never mind the bee, watch where you're going! Never mind the bee, watch where you're going!
375 00:26:26,520 00:26:30,115 Oh, God! Put... For God's sake, put your foot on the brake. Oh, God! Put... For God's sake, put your foot on the brake.
376 00:26:55,600 00:26:56,954 Sorry about that. Sorry about that.
377 00:27:07,320 00:27:10,073 I think this time we've been lucky, actually. I think this time we've been lucky, actually.
378 00:27:10,440 00:27:12,954 I can't see any damage. Can you? I can't see any damage. Can you?
379 00:27:13,280 00:27:14,759 (ENGINE HUMMING) (ENGINE HUMMING)
380 00:27:59,520 00:28:02,831 # They say I might as well face the truth # They say I might as well face the truth
381 00:28:02,920 00:28:06,231 # That I am just too long in the tooth # That I am just too long in the tooth
382 00:28:06,320 00:28:09,551 # I've started to deteriorate # I've started to deteriorate
383 00:28:09,640 00:28:13,156 # And now I've passed my own sell-by date # And now I've passed my own sell-by date
384 00:28:13,240 00:28:16,710 # Oh, I am no spring chicken, it's true # Oh, I am no spring chicken, it's true
385 00:28:16,800 00:28:20,111 # I have to pop my teeth in to chew # I have to pop my teeth in to chew
386 00:28:20,200 00:28:23,591 # And my old knees have started to knock # And my old knees have started to knock
387 00:28:23,680 00:28:26,798 # I've just got too many miles on the clock # I've just got too many miles on the clock
388 00:28:26,960 00:28:30,999 # So I'm a wrinkly, crinkly, set in my ways # So I'm a wrinkly, crinkly, set in my ways
389 00:28:31,080 00:28:34,516 # It's true that my body has seen better days # It's true that my body has seen better days
390 00:28:35,000 00:28:38,311 # But give me half a chance and I can still misbehave # But give me half a chance and I can still misbehave
391 00:28:38,800 00:28:41,360 # One foot in the grave # One foot in the grave
392 00:28:42,120 00:28:44,839 # One foot in the grave # One foot in the grave
393 00:28:45,640 00:28:48,393 # One foot in the grave # # One foot in the grave #