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# | Start | End | Original | Translated |
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1 | 00:00:02,967 | 00:00:06,243 | # They say I might as well face the truth | # They say I might as well face the truth |
2 | 00:00:06,327 | 00:00:09,717 | # That I am just too long in the tooth | # That I am just too long in the tooth |
3 | 00:00:09,807 | 00:00:12,799 | # So I'm an OAP and weak-kneed | # So I'm an OAP and weak-kneed |
4 | 00:00:13,287 | 00:00:16,643 | # But I have not yet quite gone to seed | # But I have not yet quite gone to seed |
5 | 00:00:16,727 | 00:00:20,720 | # I may be over the hill now that I have retired | # I may be over the hill now that I have retired |
6 | 00:00:20,807 | 00:00:24,356 | # Fading away but I've not yet expired | # Fading away but I've not yet expired |
7 | 00:00:24,447 | 00:00:27,678 | # Clapped out, run down, too old to save | # Clapped out, run down, too old to save |
8 | 00:00:28,287 | 00:00:31,006 | # One foot in the grave # | # One foot in the grave # |
9 | 00:01:48,567 | 00:01:52,355 | Amazing the adverts they put in the local | Amazing the adverts they put in the local |
10 | 00:01:59,327 | 00:02:02,399 | ''Cane my young traffic warden's bottom'' | ''Cane my young traffic warden's bottom'' |
11 | 00:02:05,007 | 00:02:07,885 | ''Listen to a housewife moan'' | ''Listen to a housewife moan'' |
12 | 00:02:08,327 | 00:02:10,363 | I can do that any day | I can do that any day |
13 | 00:02:12,047 | 00:02:15,119 | ''Hear my massive 46-inch breasts'' | ''Hear my massive 46-inch breasts'' |
14 | 00:02:17,007 | 00:02:20,283 | Hear my massive 46-inch breasts? | Hear my massive 46-inch breasts? |
15 | 00:02:20,367 | 00:02:23,279 | How? What's she got, cowbells on them? | How? What's she got, cowbells on them? |
16 | 00:02:25,327 | 00:02:27,795 | ''Available via PIN number'' | ''Available via PIN number'' |
17 | 00:02:29,607 | 00:02:33,361 | Rang one of these numbers up once It's about as erotic as Amy Turtle | Rang one of these numbers up once It's about as erotic as Amy Turtle |
18 | 00:02:34,927 | 00:02:37,760 | Well, that's that read from cover to cover | Well, that's that read from cover to cover |
19 | 00:03:10,127 | 00:03:13,517 | Madness Unutterable madness | Madness Unutterable madness |
20 | 00:04:15,447 | 00:04:17,005 | Now, then | Now, then |
21 | 00:04:19,887 | 00:04:21,798 | What have we got here? | What have we got here? |
22 | 00:04:30,407 | 00:04:31,601 | I don't | I don't |
23 | 00:04:32,847 | 00:04:35,964 | What in the name of bloody hell? | What in the name of bloody hell? |
24 | 00:04:42,647 | 00:04:46,276 | What was the last thing I said to you before I went out | What was the last thing I said to you before I went out |
25 | 00:04:46,367 | 00:04:49,040 | about keeping an eye on the weather for me? | about keeping an eye on the weather for me? |
26 | 00:04:51,007 | 00:04:53,157 | How am I supposed to put these on? | How am I supposed to put these on? |
27 | 00:04:53,247 | 00:04:55,807 | Spin round like Wonder Woman? | Spin round like Wonder Woman? |
28 | 00:04:56,927 | 00:05:00,602 | I'd throw these socks away except they'd probably keep coming back | I'd throw these socks away except they'd probably keep coming back |
29 | 00:05:03,767 | 00:05:05,120 | Unbelievable! | Unbelievable! |
30 | 00:05:05,207 | 00:05:08,244 | Did you see this? What I just found in one of those crackers you bought? | Did you see this? What I just found in one of those crackers you bought? |
31 | 00:05:08,327 | 00:05:10,124 | No But do please tell me | No But do please tell me |
32 | 00:05:10,207 | 00:05:14,678 | Question ''What's the difference between Victor Meldrew | Question ''What's the difference between Victor Meldrew |
33 | 00:05:14,767 | 00:05:17,600 | ''and a chef who keeps dropping his pancakes?'' | ''and a chef who keeps dropping his pancakes?'' |
34 | 00:05:17,687 | 00:05:20,520 | Answer ''They're both useless tossers'' | Answer ''They're both useless tossers'' |
35 | 00:05:22,007 | 00:05:25,283 | Can you believe that? Inside one of those crackers | Can you believe that? Inside one of those crackers |
36 | 00:05:25,847 | 00:05:27,963 | Where did you say you got them? | Where did you say you got them? |
37 | 00:05:28,047 | 00:05:30,959 | I can't remember Cardigan Crescent, I think, the Happy Shopper | I can't remember Cardigan Crescent, I think, the Happy Shopper |
38 | 00:05:31,047 | 00:05:33,959 | Happy Shopper? Do you know what? Somebody has been tampering with these | Happy Shopper? Do you know what? Somebody has been tampering with these |
39 | 00:05:34,047 | 00:05:38,086 | Poking these things in the end with the end of a screwdriver or something | Poking these things in the end with the end of a screwdriver or something |
40 | 00:05:38,167 | 00:05:39,805 | Bastards | Bastards |
41 | 00:05:39,887 | 00:05:42,481 | Same person or persons unknown I presume | Same person or persons unknown I presume |
42 | 00:05:42,567 | 00:05:47,357 | who were responsible for this little piece of unpleasantness I found this afternoon | who were responsible for this little piece of unpleasantness I found this afternoon |
43 | 00:05:49,127 | 00:05:52,039 | Sticking out the top of our wheelie bin if you please | Sticking out the top of our wheelie bin if you please |
44 | 00:05:52,167 | 00:05:54,681 | Mrs Blithery at number 25 nearly had a heart attack, | Mrs Blithery at number 25 nearly had a heart attack, |
45 | 00:05:54,767 | 00:05:57,520 | thought we were leaving dead bodies out for the dustmen | thought we were leaving dead bodies out for the dustmen |
46 | 00:05:57,607 | 00:05:59,802 | Just kids, I expect, playing pranks | Just kids, I expect, playing pranks |
47 | 00:05:59,887 | 00:06:01,036 | Pranks? | Pranks? |
48 | 00:06:07,927 | 00:06:12,045 | It doesn't even work Look, it's got, ''What's the difference between'' | It doesn't even work Look, it's got, ''What's the difference between'' |
49 | 00:06:12,127 | 00:06:15,278 | And then it says we're both useless tossers | And then it says we're both useless tossers |
50 | 00:06:16,207 | 00:06:18,767 | How is that the difference? That's not the difference | How is that the difference? That's not the difference |
51 | 00:06:18,847 | 00:06:21,156 | That's what we've got in common | That's what we've got in common |
52 | 00:06:21,247 | 00:06:25,206 | Now, if it said, ''Why is Victor Meldrew like a chef | Now, if it said, ''Why is Victor Meldrew like a chef |
53 | 00:06:25,287 | 00:06:29,724 | ''who keeps dropping his pancakes? Because we're both useless tossers,'' | ''who keeps dropping his pancakes? Because we're both useless tossers,'' |
54 | 00:06:29,807 | 00:06:31,081 | then it would work | then it would work |
55 | 00:06:31,167 | 00:06:33,886 | It'd be a proper joke then, but it doesn't | It'd be a proper joke then, but it doesn't |
56 | 00:06:33,967 | 00:06:35,923 | I mean, it's not even logical | I mean, it's not even logical |
57 | 00:06:36,727 | 00:06:39,799 | They haven't even taken the trouble to think it through properly | They haven't even taken the trouble to think it through properly |
58 | 00:06:39,887 | 00:06:43,516 | -before poking the bloody -Yes, all right! | -before poking the bloody -Yes, all right! |
59 | 00:06:44,927 | 00:06:47,680 | Can we drop it now, please? | Can we drop it now, please? |
60 | 00:06:50,647 | 00:06:54,242 | Don't know how many of these things are circulating out there, now do we? | Don't know how many of these things are circulating out there, now do we? |
61 | 00:06:55,727 | 00:06:57,479 | Evil little buggers | Evil little buggers |
62 | 00:06:59,647 | 00:07:02,844 | Still haven't got over them sticking that live frog through the letter box | Still haven't got over them sticking that live frog through the letter box |
63 | 00:07:02,927 | 00:07:04,326 | Nor has the frog | Nor has the frog |
64 | 00:07:05,647 | 00:07:09,481 | Wondered what it was croaking away in my bath water yesterday morning | Wondered what it was croaking away in my bath water yesterday morning |
65 | 00:07:10,327 | 00:07:13,603 | Thought at first it was that beans and toast I had for breakfast | Thought at first it was that beans and toast I had for breakfast |
66 | 00:07:16,127 | 00:07:20,245 | Yes, well, of course, most people would realise it was a frog as soon as they'd picked it up, | Yes, well, of course, most people would realise it was a frog as soon as they'd picked it up, |
67 | 00:07:20,327 | 00:07:25,003 | instead of spending two minutes trying to squash it onto a new bar of Palmolive | instead of spending two minutes trying to squash it onto a new bar of Palmolive |
68 | 00:07:30,527 | 00:07:32,324 | Is there a cup left in here for me? | Is there a cup left in here for me? |
69 | 00:07:32,407 | 00:07:34,682 | Oh, well, when you've finished with the Cadbury's fondue | Oh, well, when you've finished with the Cadbury's fondue |
70 | 00:07:35,327 | 00:07:40,447 | But it felt like a piece of soap in the water and I hadn't got my glasses on | But it felt like a piece of soap in the water and I hadn't got my glasses on |
71 | 00:07:42,247 | 00:07:43,965 | Anyway, how was your day? | Anyway, how was your day? |
72 | 00:07:44,047 | 00:07:46,720 | You're late back Buses up the creek again? | You're late back Buses up the creek again? |
73 | 00:07:46,807 | 00:07:48,479 | I didn't come straight back | I didn't come straight back |
74 | 00:07:48,567 | 00:07:52,446 | I told you I was going to stop off to give old Mrs Tebbings another driving lesson | I told you I was going to stop off to give old Mrs Tebbings another driving lesson |
75 | 00:07:53,367 | 00:07:56,598 | Taking a bit of a risk, weren't you? Going out with her after dark | Taking a bit of a risk, weren't you? Going out with her after dark |
76 | 00:07:56,687 | 00:07:59,599 | Woman's got precious little sense of direction as it is | Woman's got precious little sense of direction as it is |
77 | 00:08:00,247 | 00:08:01,521 | What's that supposed to mean? | What's that supposed to mean? |
78 | 00:08:01,607 | 00:08:05,486 | Well, how many people do you know who sit in the lavatory facing the cistern? | Well, how many people do you know who sit in the lavatory facing the cistern? |
79 | 00:08:09,767 | 00:08:14,477 | It took six lessons to stop her putting her hands in front of her eyes whenever she went downhill | It took six lessons to stop her putting her hands in front of her eyes whenever she went downhill |
80 | 00:08:16,167 | 00:08:19,523 | All is well so long as she's happy to pay me a few quid | All is well so long as she's happy to pay me a few quid |
81 | 00:08:20,367 | 00:08:22,927 | I suppose it gives her an interest in life | I suppose it gives her an interest in life |
82 | 00:08:23,007 | 00:08:25,805 | Especially now her cat's getting a bit old and past it | Especially now her cat's getting a bit old and past it |
83 | 00:08:26,967 | 00:08:28,798 | Now that its eyesight's going | Now that its eyesight's going |
84 | 00:08:30,087 | 00:08:32,965 | Chased a mouse upstairs into the bathroom last week, | Chased a mouse upstairs into the bathroom last week, |
85 | 00:08:33,047 | 00:08:35,959 | ended up nearly choking to death on a pumice stone | ended up nearly choking to death on a pumice stone |
86 | 00:08:39,527 | 00:08:42,246 | She said she's thinking of getting it contact lenses | She said she's thinking of getting it contact lenses |
87 | 00:08:46,847 | 00:08:49,919 | Contact lenses? For a cat? | Contact lenses? For a cat? |
88 | 00:08:50,687 | 00:08:52,723 | How? What's she gonna do? | How? What's she gonna do? |
89 | 00:08:52,807 | 00:08:55,719 | Show it a chart with different sized tins of Whiskas on? | Show it a chart with different sized tins of Whiskas on? |
90 | 00:08:57,407 | 00:09:00,444 | Of course, you know the story, it wasn't even her cat in the first place | Of course, you know the story, it wasn't even her cat in the first place |
91 | 00:09:00,527 | 00:09:04,202 | It just turned up in her garden one day with a little metal disc in the collar saying, | It just turned up in her garden one day with a little metal disc in the collar saying, |
92 | 00:09:04,287 | 00:09:06,960 | ''If found, please return to so and so at this address'' | ''If found, please return to so and so at this address'' |
93 | 00:09:07,047 | 00:09:09,402 | -Know what she did? -Sent them back the collar | -Know what she did? -Sent them back the collar |
94 | 00:09:13,327 | 00:09:16,125 | If you've ever heard anything so daffy | If you've ever heard anything so daffy |
95 | 00:09:22,127 | 00:09:24,641 | So, what are you thinking? | So, what are you thinking? |
96 | 00:09:25,727 | 00:09:27,319 | Is it the Peugeot still? | Is it the Peugeot still? |
97 | 00:09:28,287 | 00:09:31,836 | Or the Astra possibly I'm not sure | Or the Astra possibly I'm not sure |
98 | 00:09:33,127 | 00:09:36,483 | God Three months, is it, now? | God Three months, is it, now? |
99 | 00:09:39,127 | 00:09:43,723 | I still can't believe anyone would steal your car outside a garden centre in Purley | I still can't believe anyone would steal your car outside a garden centre in Purley |
100 | 00:09:45,487 | 00:09:49,480 | I know Just when I thought we were never gonna get rid of the bloody thing! | I know Just when I thought we were never gonna get rid of the bloody thing! |
101 | 00:09:52,127 | 00:09:56,325 | Yes, it's been a complete disaster from the day we first bought it | Yes, it's been a complete disaster from the day we first bought it |
102 | 00:09:56,407 | 00:09:59,160 | Never knew what was going to seize up next | Never knew what was going to seize up next |
103 | 00:09:59,247 | 00:10:00,236 | And then | And then |
104 | 00:10:00,327 | 00:10:05,526 | Oh, the bliss when we came out of that tea shop and discovered that some poor sod had nicked it | Oh, the bliss when we came out of that tea shop and discovered that some poor sod had nicked it |
105 | 00:10:08,527 | 00:10:12,315 | It was like having a very unpleasant boil lanced | It was like having a very unpleasant boil lanced |
106 | 00:10:13,927 | 00:10:15,565 | Do you realise | Do you realise |
107 | 00:10:18,047 | 00:10:20,561 | Do you realise that for the first time in our lives | Do you realise that for the first time in our lives |
108 | 00:10:20,647 | 00:10:23,605 | we're actually going to benefit from an insurance policy? | we're actually going to benefit from an insurance policy? |
109 | 00:10:23,687 | 00:10:24,722 | (TELEPHONE RINGING) | (TELEPHONE RINGING) |
110 | 00:10:24,807 | 00:10:26,240 | I'll get it | I'll get it |
111 | 00:10:30,007 | 00:10:31,520 | (TYPING ON KEYBOARD) | (TYPING ON KEYBOARD) |
112 | 00:10:33,687 | 00:10:36,042 | Are you nearly finished in there for tonight? | Are you nearly finished in there for tonight? |
113 | 00:10:36,807 | 00:10:39,401 | Seven hours you've been at it now | Seven hours you've been at it now |
114 | 00:10:40,407 | 00:10:44,525 | I said don't you think it's time you were taking Denzil out for his walk? | I said don't you think it's time you were taking Denzil out for his walk? |
115 | 00:10:46,007 | 00:10:47,235 | Oh | Oh |
116 | 00:10:47,327 | 00:10:50,285 | Well, that's just perfect, isn't it? | Well, that's just perfect, isn't it? |
117 | 00:10:51,927 | 00:10:53,121 | What's the problem? | What's the problem? |
118 | 00:11:00,367 | 00:11:04,883 | There are other things he needs to do out there besides walk, you know | There are other things he needs to do out there besides walk, you know |
119 | 00:11:05,167 | 00:11:08,842 | I'm not blowing this presentation to Leibnitz and Wang for anything | I'm not blowing this presentation to Leibnitz and Wang for anything |
120 | 00:11:08,927 | 00:11:12,317 | If I get this contract, it could mean the difference between life and death | If I get this contract, it could mean the difference between life and death |
121 | 00:11:12,407 | 00:11:16,844 | We could drop the price on this house and move next door to something vaguely human | We could drop the price on this house and move next door to something vaguely human |
122 | 00:11:16,927 | 00:11:19,487 | Something that has a reflection in a mirror | Something that has a reflection in a mirror |
123 | 00:11:19,607 | 00:11:21,757 | VICTOR: Oh, no! | VICTOR: Oh, no! |
124 | 00:11:24,367 | 00:11:26,722 | What What do you mean? | What What do you mean? |
125 | 00:11:26,807 | 00:11:30,402 | This is the absolute bloody limit | This is the absolute bloody limit |
126 | 00:11:30,967 | 00:11:32,400 | I mean | I mean |
127 | 00:11:32,887 | 00:11:34,525 | For God's sake | For God's sake |
128 | 00:11:34,767 | 00:11:37,679 | 6:2 7 Early one tonight | 6:2 7 Early one tonight |
129 | 00:11:38,207 | 00:11:40,926 | VICTOR: In the name of sanity! | VICTOR: In the name of sanity! |
130 | 00:11:41,687 | 00:11:46,158 | Oh! Tell me that I'm still asleep, that this is just a bad dream | Oh! Tell me that I'm still asleep, that this is just a bad dream |
131 | 00:11:46,327 | 00:11:49,046 | You're not asleep It's not a dream | You're not asleep It's not a dream |
132 | 00:11:49,127 | 00:11:51,357 | They've found our car! | They've found our car! |
133 | 00:11:53,927 | 00:11:56,760 | And it's not my bloody fault! | And it's not my bloody fault! |
134 | 00:11:57,367 | 00:12:00,518 | After three months? Whereabouts? | After three months? Whereabouts? |
135 | 00:12:02,247 | 00:12:03,839 | Whereabouts? | Whereabouts? |
136 | 00:12:04,607 | 00:12:05,722 | Finland | Finland |
137 | 00:12:15,927 | 00:12:18,805 | Are you stark raving mad? | Are you stark raving mad? |
138 | 00:12:19,687 | 00:12:23,043 | Finland? That car couldn't get to Finchley! | Finland? That car couldn't get to Finchley! |
139 | 00:12:24,887 | 00:12:28,357 | What did they do? Tow it there with a team of reindeer? | What did they do? Tow it there with a team of reindeer? |
140 | 00:12:29,047 | 00:12:31,117 | I'm just telling you what he said | I'm just telling you what he said |
141 | 00:12:31,967 | 00:12:35,437 | He said a local woodcutter found it abandoned in the middle of a forest | He said a local woodcutter found it abandoned in the middle of a forest |
142 | 00:12:35,527 | 00:12:38,519 | still with our plants and boxes of Phostrogen on the back seat | still with our plants and boxes of Phostrogen on the back seat |
143 | 00:12:39,367 | 00:12:43,280 | He said they've kept his name and address in case we want to give him a reward | He said they've kept his name and address in case we want to give him a reward |
144 | 00:12:43,367 | 00:12:47,201 | Give him a reward? I'll give him a bloody thick ear if I ever see him! | Give him a reward? I'll give him a bloody thick ear if I ever see him! |
145 | 00:12:50,167 | 00:12:53,284 | Who would want to go to Finland in the first place? | Who would want to go to Finland in the first place? |
146 | 00:12:53,367 | 00:12:55,403 | I don't know! | I don't know! |
147 | 00:12:55,487 | 00:12:58,320 | Here, ring Judith Chalmers | Here, ring Judith Chalmers |
148 | 00:12:59,407 | 00:13:02,558 | While I go and put your socks in the grill pan! | While I go and put your socks in the grill pan! |
149 | 00:13:06,007 | 00:13:07,440 | Thank you | Thank you |
150 | 00:13:07,527 | 00:13:12,043 | Thank you, St Total Bastard, the patron saint of insurance companies | Thank you, St Total Bastard, the patron saint of insurance companies |
151 | 00:13:18,927 | 00:13:21,043 | I don't know why I bother | I don't know why I bother |
152 | 00:13:32,047 | 00:13:33,844 | Is it drivable still or what? | Is it drivable still or what? |
153 | 00:13:33,927 | 00:13:36,487 | Well, it's supposed to be, according to | Well, it's supposed to be, according to |
154 | 00:13:36,567 | 00:13:38,125 | (EXCLAIMING) | (EXCLAIMING) |
155 | 00:13:39,207 | 00:13:43,962 | Look at this For crying out loud | Look at this For crying out loud |
156 | 00:13:45,887 | 00:13:50,483 | MARGARET: The man who sold it to us did say it was a very fast-growing variety | MARGARET: The man who sold it to us did say it was a very fast-growing variety |
157 | 00:13:51,407 | 00:13:53,318 | Fast-growing variety? | Fast-growing variety? |
158 | 00:13:54,127 | 00:13:58,405 | I mean, you think they'd have had the sense to prune it now and again Look at it | I mean, you think they'd have had the sense to prune it now and again Look at it |
159 | 00:13:59,647 | 00:14:03,196 | Clings like bloody Super Glue, this stuff | Clings like bloody Super Glue, this stuff |
160 | 00:14:03,407 | 00:14:06,683 | Yes, well, Patrick and Pippa have offered me a lift in So | Yes, well, Patrick and Pippa have offered me a lift in So |
161 | 00:14:06,767 | 00:14:10,601 | I think they're having lunch with one of his business clients or something | I think they're having lunch with one of his business clients or something |
162 | 00:14:10,687 | 00:14:12,678 | Ready when you are, Margaret | Ready when you are, Margaret |
163 | 00:14:13,607 | 00:14:15,120 | Coming | Coming |
164 | 00:14:15,207 | 00:14:17,926 | -You need anything while I'm out? -Yes | -You need anything while I'm out? -Yes |
165 | 00:14:18,007 | 00:14:21,158 | You can see if Halfords do a large and very hungry goat | You can see if Halfords do a large and very hungry goat |
166 | 00:14:26,887 | 00:14:30,038 | -Thanks a lot, Pippa That's just the job -You're very welcome | -Thanks a lot, Pippa That's just the job -You're very welcome |
167 | 00:14:30,127 | 00:14:33,164 | Oh, Patrick, don't forget your presentation | Oh, Patrick, don't forget your presentation |
168 | 00:14:33,847 | 00:14:36,805 | Oh, Margaret, I know what I meant to say | Oh, Margaret, I know what I meant to say |
169 | 00:14:36,887 | 00:14:40,436 | I think I've got a pair of Y-fronts belonging to you at home | I think I've got a pair of Y-fronts belonging to you at home |
170 | 00:14:40,527 | 00:14:43,564 | They must have blown across into the garden the other night | They must have blown across into the garden the other night |
171 | 00:14:43,647 | 00:14:48,084 | Thought when I was ironing them, I didn't think Patrick had a pair with a blue waistband | Thought when I was ironing them, I didn't think Patrick had a pair with a blue waistband |
172 | 00:14:48,167 | 00:14:50,840 | Anyway, I put them to one side in the bedroom | Anyway, I put them to one side in the bedroom |
173 | 00:14:50,927 | 00:14:53,361 | -Pop them round later, all right? -There's no rush | -Pop them round later, all right? -There's no rush |
174 | 00:14:53,447 | 00:14:56,007 | Bye, then I hope it all goes well for you | Bye, then I hope it all goes well for you |
175 | 00:14:58,527 | 00:15:00,677 | Look, is that them? | Look, is that them? |
176 | 00:15:02,087 | 00:15:04,043 | A blue waistband? | A blue waistband? |
177 | 00:15:04,687 | 00:15:06,166 | What's the matter with you? | What's the matter with you? |
178 | 00:15:07,247 | 00:15:11,763 | This is the mother of all nightmares you pray will never happen | This is the mother of all nightmares you pray will never happen |
179 | 00:15:12,327 | 00:15:17,117 | I'm about to go into the most important business meeting in my career | I'm about to go into the most important business meeting in my career |
180 | 00:15:17,207 | 00:15:19,641 | wearing Victor Meldrew's underpants | wearing Victor Meldrew's underpants |
181 | 00:15:20,607 | 00:15:23,565 | You what Oh, you didn't put | You what Oh, you didn't put |
182 | 00:15:24,967 | 00:15:26,605 | Anyway, look | Anyway, look |
183 | 00:15:28,807 | 00:15:31,082 | -Come on, they've seen us -I can't move | -Come on, they've seen us -I can't move |
184 | 00:15:31,167 | 00:15:33,920 | My entire genital area has gone into trauma | My entire genital area has gone into trauma |
185 | 00:15:34,607 | 00:15:38,964 | For goodness sake, pull yourself together and remember who you're meeting | For goodness sake, pull yourself together and remember who you're meeting |
186 | 00:15:44,967 | 00:15:48,482 | This must be how John Hurt felt with that alien in his stomach | This must be how John Hurt felt with that alien in his stomach |
187 | 00:16:08,687 | 00:16:10,120 | Little buggers | Little buggers |
188 | 00:16:19,007 | 00:16:20,804 | (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING) | (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING) |
189 | 00:16:21,607 | 00:16:24,326 | Mrs Blithery, how are you today? | Mrs Blithery, how are you today? |
190 | 00:16:30,607 | 00:16:31,801 | (CAR HORN HONKING) | (CAR HORN HONKING) |
191 | 00:16:31,887 | 00:16:33,161 | (TYRES SCREECHING) | (TYRES SCREECHING) |
192 | 00:16:33,247 | 00:16:35,044 | (CRASHING) | (CRASHING) |
193 | 00:16:38,687 | 00:16:40,405 | Bloody car | Bloody car |
194 | 00:16:42,807 | 00:16:45,162 | Finland of all the places | Finland of all the places |
195 | 00:16:47,807 | 00:16:51,482 | It's a wonder we haven't heard from the astronauts in the space shuttle | It's a wonder we haven't heard from the astronauts in the space shuttle |
196 | 00:16:51,567 | 00:16:52,966 | ''Hello, Mr Meldrew | ''Hello, Mr Meldrew |
197 | 00:16:53,047 | 00:16:56,642 | ''We just found a D registration Honda up here orbiting the earth | ''We just found a D registration Honda up here orbiting the earth |
198 | 00:16:56,727 | 00:16:59,116 | ''We think it might belong to you'' | ''We think it might belong to you'' |
199 | 00:17:00,247 | 00:17:03,557 | Oh, by the way, I forgot to say | Oh, by the way, I forgot to say |
200 | 00:17:03,887 | 00:17:06,606 | I solved the mystery of that practical joker | I solved the mystery of that practical joker |
201 | 00:17:06,687 | 00:17:08,917 | You know, the rubber hand | You know, the rubber hand |
202 | 00:17:09,007 | 00:17:11,237 | and the crackers and the frog and everything | and the crackers and the frog and everything |
203 | 00:17:11,327 | 00:17:14,683 | Apparently, it was that Mr Grimwade's children | Apparently, it was that Mr Grimwade's children |
204 | 00:17:14,767 | 00:17:17,998 | You know, two doors down from the post office Do you know them? | You know, two doors down from the post office Do you know them? |
205 | 00:17:18,087 | 00:17:20,555 | I can't say as I do, no | I can't say as I do, no |
206 | 00:17:20,647 | 00:17:22,558 | No, I didn't remember him | No, I didn't remember him |
207 | 00:17:22,647 | 00:17:25,764 | Anyway, he came up to me in Asda's today | Anyway, he came up to me in Asda's today |
208 | 00:17:25,847 | 00:17:29,317 | and said he couldn't apologise enough for their behaviour | and said he couldn't apologise enough for their behaviour |
209 | 00:17:29,407 | 00:17:32,604 | and he was gonna make certain that it never happened again, | and he was gonna make certain that it never happened again, |
210 | 00:17:32,687 | 00:17:34,917 | which I thought was very decent of him | which I thought was very decent of him |
211 | 00:17:36,887 | 00:17:38,605 | Oh, no | Oh, no |
212 | 00:17:42,367 | 00:17:44,676 | It depends if they take any notice | It depends if they take any notice |
213 | 00:17:50,967 | 00:17:55,245 | We'll be finding severed heads under the rockery now, I expect, before long | We'll be finding severed heads under the rockery now, I expect, before long |
214 | 00:17:55,487 | 00:17:57,079 | Ruddy vandals | Ruddy vandals |
215 | 00:17:59,487 | 00:18:02,684 | I thought the weatherman said it was gonna be a bit warmer tonight | I thought the weatherman said it was gonna be a bit warmer tonight |
216 | 00:18:04,607 | 00:18:07,167 | -What were you looking at? -Nothing | -What were you looking at? -Nothing |
217 | 00:18:07,687 | 00:18:09,439 | Where's my cup of tea? | Where's my cup of tea? |
218 | 00:18:09,527 | 00:18:11,438 | What were you looking at? | What were you looking at? |
219 | 00:18:12,967 | 00:18:16,482 | I think Mr and Mrs Aylesbury are having one of their parties | I think Mr and Mrs Aylesbury are having one of their parties |
220 | 00:18:18,207 | 00:18:21,040 | Oh, no! | Oh, no! |
221 | 00:18:21,647 | 00:18:24,366 | (LOUD MUSIC PLAYING) | (LOUD MUSIC PLAYING) |
222 | 00:18:28,287 | 00:18:30,482 | Oh, God | Oh, God |
223 | 00:18:31,247 | 00:18:33,556 | I can't take much more of this! | I can't take much more of this! |
224 | 00:18:34,407 | 00:18:37,160 | 2:30 in the morning | 2:30 in the morning |
225 | 00:18:48,887 | 00:18:50,843 | (MUSIC STOPS) | (MUSIC STOPS) |
226 | 00:19:03,327 | 00:19:04,726 | Ahh | Ahh |
227 | 00:19:05,487 | 00:19:07,478 | (THE LAUGHING POLICEMAN PLAYING) | (THE LAUGHING POLICEMAN PLAYING) |
228 | 00:19:09,807 | 00:19:13,277 | Oh, in the name of mercy! | Oh, in the name of mercy! |
229 | 00:19:27,607 | 00:19:29,723 | (GUESTS LAUGHING ALONG WITH CHORUS) | (GUESTS LAUGHING ALONG WITH CHORUS) |
230 | 00:19:29,807 | 00:19:33,163 | God! Good God | God! Good God |
231 | 00:20:05,767 | 00:20:08,327 | (GUESTS LAUGHING ALONG WITH CHORUS) | (GUESTS LAUGHING ALONG WITH CHORUS) |
232 | 00:20:08,407 | 00:20:11,399 | It's more than flesh and blood can stand! | It's more than flesh and blood can stand! |
233 | 00:20:12,647 | 00:20:15,286 | I don't know how on earth you can sleep through it | I don't know how on earth you can sleep through it |
234 | 00:20:15,367 | 00:20:17,676 | Margaret? Margaret! | Margaret? Margaret! |
235 | 00:20:17,767 | 00:20:19,086 | What? | What? |
236 | 00:20:20,567 | 00:20:22,842 | I was just getting off then | I was just getting off then |
237 | 00:20:22,927 | 00:20:26,681 | Not an ounce of consideration for anyone but themselves | Not an ounce of consideration for anyone but themselves |
238 | 00:20:26,847 | 00:20:30,123 | Look at that There's half a dozen of them on the front lawn now | Look at that There's half a dozen of them on the front lawn now |
239 | 00:20:30,207 | 00:20:32,357 | doing Chuck Berry duck walks | doing Chuck Berry duck walks |
240 | 00:20:33,127 | 00:20:34,606 | Shut up! | Shut up! |
241 | 00:20:34,687 | 00:20:36,803 | Oh, come back to bed | Oh, come back to bed |
242 | 00:20:38,287 | 00:20:41,836 | No one else in this street is remotely bothered, only us | No one else in this street is remotely bothered, only us |
243 | 00:20:42,247 | 00:20:43,885 | (SIGHS LOUDLY) | (SIGHS LOUDLY) |
244 | 00:20:45,887 | 00:20:48,355 | Oh, hang on Here's one that's got away | Oh, hang on Here's one that's got away |
245 | 00:20:48,447 | 00:20:52,599 | I'm gonna have that Come here, matey That's got you! | I'm gonna have that Come here, matey That's got you! |
246 | 00:20:53,447 | 00:20:55,517 | Now where's that safety pin? | Now where's that safety pin? |
247 | 00:20:58,967 | 00:21:01,720 | That's made you feel a whole lot better, has it? | That's made you feel a whole lot better, has it? |
248 | 00:21:02,567 | 00:21:04,444 | Very slightly, yes | Very slightly, yes |
249 | 00:21:05,567 | 00:21:10,482 | It's getting on for 3:00 They can't go on for much longer | It's getting on for 3:00 They can't go on for much longer |
250 | 00:21:10,567 | 00:21:14,446 | Another half hour and they'll all have packed up and gone home | Another half hour and they'll all have packed up and gone home |
251 | 00:21:14,567 | 00:21:17,161 | Just have a bit of patience | Just have a bit of patience |
252 | 00:21:22,447 | 00:21:25,007 | (GUESTS LAUGHING ALONG WITH CHORUS) | (GUESTS LAUGHING ALONG WITH CHORUS) |
253 | 00:21:34,207 | 00:21:36,004 | (BIRDS CHIRPING) | (BIRDS CHIRPING) |
254 | 00:21:37,447 | 00:21:39,563 | Don't tell me they've stopped | Don't tell me they've stopped |
255 | 00:21:43,007 | 00:21:45,202 | 9:30 in the morning | 9:30 in the morning |
256 | 00:21:46,087 | 00:21:49,284 | I can't have had more than an hour's sleep in the entire night | I can't have had more than an hour's sleep in the entire night |
257 | 00:21:49,727 | 00:21:52,161 | Well, at least it's Sunday today | Well, at least it's Sunday today |
258 | 00:21:52,887 | 00:21:56,846 | We've no reason to get up before lunch time Just be thankful for that | We've no reason to get up before lunch time Just be thankful for that |
259 | 00:21:58,247 | 00:21:59,521 | That's a nice thought | That's a nice thought |
260 | 00:22:05,007 | 00:22:06,486 | (TELEPHONE RINGING) | (TELEPHONE RINGING) |
261 | 00:22:13,167 | 00:22:14,486 | ||
263 | 262 | 00:22:14,567 --> 00:22:16,603 MAN: Good morning. Mr Meldrew? | 00:22:14,567 --> 00:22:16,603 MAN: Good morning. Mr Meldrew? | |
262 | 00:22:17,647 | 00:22:18,796 | Speaking | Speaking |
263 | 00:22:20,047 | 00:22:21,605 | It's Mr Foskett | It's Mr Foskett |
264 | 00:22:21,687 | 00:22:23,200 | Oh, you're joking? | Oh, you're joking? |
265 | 00:22:23,287 | 00:22:25,881 | Here's a memory test for you, Mr Meldrew. | Here's a memory test for you, Mr Meldrew. |
266 | 00:22:25,967 | 00:22:29,516 | I wonder if you can cast your mind back over 1 7 years | I wonder if you can cast your mind back over 1 7 years |
267 | 00:22:29,607 | 00:22:32,838 | to Mrs Mosley's guesthouse in Western-Super-Mare? | to Mrs Mosley's guesthouse in Western-Super-Mare? |
268 | 00:22:32,927 | 00:22:36,283 | And I wonder if you remember the small man with the moustache | And I wonder if you remember the small man with the moustache |
269 | 00:22:36,367 | 00:22:40,155 | who had to walk through your bedroom every night to get to the toilet? | who had to walk through your bedroom every night to get to the toilet? |
270 | 00:22:40,247 | 00:22:42,522 | 1 7 years ago last summer it was. | 1 7 years ago last summer it was. |
271 | 00:22:42,607 | 00:22:45,758 | How about if I say the name Mr Foskett? | How about if I say the name Mr Foskett? |
272 | 00:22:46,367 | 00:22:51,680 | Mr Foskett, fancy hearing from you after all this time | Mr Foskett, fancy hearing from you after all this time |
273 | 00:22:51,807 | 00:22:55,516 | Well, you said if I was ever in the vicinity to be sure to look you up so... | Well, you said if I was ever in the vicinity to be sure to look you up so... |
274 | 00:22:56,047 | 00:22:57,036 | Yes | Yes |
275 | 00:22:57,127 | 00:23:00,483 | Obviously I wouldn't just descend on you without giving you a ring first. | Obviously I wouldn't just descend on you without giving you a ring first. |
276 | 00:23:00,567 | 00:23:04,401 | No, no, so where are you at the moment? | No, no, so where are you at the moment? |
277 | 00:23:04,487 | 00:23:06,398 | I'm outside your front door. | I'm outside your front door. |
278 | 00:23:07,807 | 00:23:11,038 | Yes, I'm on the mobile. They're wonderful things, aren't they? | Yes, I'm on the mobile. They're wonderful things, aren't they? |
279 | 00:23:11,127 | 00:23:12,355 | (DOORBELL RINGING) | (DOORBELL RINGING) |
280 | 00:23:12,447 | 00:23:14,836 | Oh, sorry, I just knocked your doorbell. | Oh, sorry, I just knocked your doorbell. |
281 | 00:23:14,927 | 00:23:17,236 | He's here He's outside | He's here He's outside |
282 | 00:23:17,727 | 00:23:22,323 | Yes. I thought I better give him a buzz first, make sure he's still alive. | Yes. I thought I better give him a buzz first, make sure he's still alive. |
283 | 00:23:22,407 | 00:23:24,079 | He'll not thank me otherwise... | He'll not thank me otherwise... |
284 | 00:23:24,167 | 00:23:28,399 | Yes, hang on a minute, Mr Foskett We'll be right down | Yes, hang on a minute, Mr Foskett We'll be right down |
285 | 00:23:29,327 | 00:23:32,717 | That's all we needed Where are my trousers? | That's all we needed Where are my trousers? |
286 | 00:23:33,167 | 00:23:36,318 | What are we? Cursed this bloody weekend? | What are we? Cursed this bloody weekend? |
287 | 00:23:43,087 | 00:23:47,000 | Mr Foskett, as I live and breathe Are you well? | Mr Foskett, as I live and breathe Are you well? |
288 | 00:23:47,087 | 00:23:49,396 | You're sure I've not caught you at an awkward moment or anything? | You're sure I've not caught you at an awkward moment or anything? |
289 | 00:23:49,487 | 00:23:51,125 | My God You lost some hair | My God You lost some hair |
290 | 00:23:51,207 | 00:23:54,199 | Still, we've all of us changed, haven't we? There's me now, the father of two | Still, we've all of us changed, haven't we? There's me now, the father of two |
291 | 00:23:54,287 | 00:23:55,800 | Can you believe it? | Can you believe it? |
292 | 00:23:55,887 | 00:23:58,321 | Sometimes, you know, I do believe Mrs Meldrew | Sometimes, you know, I do believe Mrs Meldrew |
293 | 00:23:58,407 | 00:24:02,639 | -Remember me? Face from the past -Mr Foskett My gosh | -Remember me? Face from the past -Mr Foskett My gosh |
294 | 00:24:03,247 | 00:24:05,807 | Well, come on, Victor, are we going to let them in? | Well, come on, Victor, are we going to let them in? |
295 | 00:24:05,887 | 00:24:09,004 | Oh, yes Yes, in you come | Oh, yes Yes, in you come |
296 | 00:24:10,927 | 00:24:12,042 | That's it | That's it |
297 | 00:24:13,207 | 00:24:16,517 | I was just saying I can't imagine being without them now | I was just saying I can't imagine being without them now |
298 | 00:24:16,607 | 00:24:20,282 | Young David and Martin They really light up my life | Young David and Martin They really light up my life |
299 | 00:24:20,527 | 00:24:23,997 | They give me Oh, I don't know, such a sense of purpose, | They give me Oh, I don't know, such a sense of purpose, |
300 | 00:24:24,087 | 00:24:26,123 | a fulfilment that words can't express | a fulfilment that words can't express |
301 | 00:24:27,287 | 00:24:31,758 | Yes, well, why don't I go and make some coffee? | Yes, well, why don't I go and make some coffee? |
302 | 00:24:32,727 | 00:24:35,241 | Have you had any breakfast at all yet? | Have you had any breakfast at all yet? |
303 | 00:24:40,007 | 00:24:42,316 | Since we were down here visiting my wife's sister, | Since we were down here visiting my wife's sister, |
304 | 00:24:42,407 | 00:24:45,843 | who's just moved into a little cottage in Wigston Parva, just off the 51 20, | who's just moved into a little cottage in Wigston Parva, just off the 51 20, |
305 | 00:24:45,927 | 00:24:48,122 | I don't know if you know it Anyway, I thought, why not? | I don't know if you know it Anyway, I thought, why not? |
306 | 00:24:48,207 | 00:24:49,640 | Of course, you hesitate at first | Of course, you hesitate at first |
307 | 00:24:49,727 | 00:24:51,957 | 'cause people don't always wanna see you after 1 7 years | 'cause people don't always wanna see you after 1 7 years |
308 | 00:24:52,047 | 00:24:55,357 | For all I know, you may be praying you never set eyes on me again | For all I know, you may be praying you never set eyes on me again |
309 | 00:24:58,887 | 00:25:02,721 | I think it's nice if you can meet up with people, don't you? However long it's been | I think it's nice if you can meet up with people, don't you? However long it's been |
310 | 00:25:02,807 | 00:25:06,846 | Oh, by the way, that address you gave me doesn't actually exist | Oh, by the way, that address you gave me doesn't actually exist |
311 | 00:25:10,967 | 00:25:12,844 | I thought that a bit odd at first, but | I thought that a bit odd at first, but |
312 | 00:25:12,927 | 00:25:15,725 | Well, I expect I must have copied it down wrong somewhere along the line | Well, I expect I must have copied it down wrong somewhere along the line |
313 | 00:25:15,807 | 00:25:19,163 | Anyway, thank goodness for the old phone book, eh? 'Cause here I am | Anyway, thank goodness for the old phone book, eh? 'Cause here I am |
314 | 00:25:19,247 | 00:25:23,206 | So, how you been keeping? You still got that job on the security desk? | So, how you been keeping? You still got that job on the security desk? |
315 | 00:25:23,287 | 00:25:24,606 | No As a matter of fact | No As a matter of fact |
316 | 00:25:24,687 | 00:25:27,963 | Of course, it was just after that summer holiday that my wife left me | Of course, it was just after that summer holiday that my wife left me |
317 | 00:25:28,047 | 00:25:29,958 | Penelope, for another man | Penelope, for another man |
318 | 00:25:30,047 | 00:25:33,483 | To say I couldn't deal with it, oh, that's the understatement of all time | To say I couldn't deal with it, oh, that's the understatement of all time |
319 | 00:25:33,567 | 00:25:36,240 | You know that feeling when the world just seems to stop turning? | You know that feeling when the world just seems to stop turning? |
320 | 00:25:36,327 | 00:25:38,602 | I lost me job, was on all sorts of medication, | I lost me job, was on all sorts of medication, |
321 | 00:25:38,687 | 00:25:41,759 | and in the space of three years I tried to kill meself 1 3 times, | and in the space of three years I tried to kill meself 1 3 times, |
322 | 00:25:41,847 | 00:25:43,838 | which I won't depress you with now | which I won't depress you with now |
323 | 00:25:44,727 | 00:25:47,446 | Six attempted overdoses, two exhaust jobs, | Six attempted overdoses, two exhaust jobs, |
324 | 00:25:47,527 | 00:25:51,156 | three times I tried to jump off the roof, but they always talked me down | three times I tried to jump off the roof, but they always talked me down |
325 | 00:25:51,247 | 00:25:54,637 | I expect that begs the question of how serious you are | I expect that begs the question of how serious you are |
326 | 00:25:54,727 | 00:25:58,163 | and, of course, I won't show you the scars on me wrist Look at that | and, of course, I won't show you the scars on me wrist Look at that |
327 | 00:25:59,647 | 00:26:01,797 | Actually it's a miracle I survived | Actually it's a miracle I survived |
328 | 00:26:01,887 | 00:26:05,880 | Anyway, one day in she walked, the new love of my life | Anyway, one day in she walked, the new love of my life |
329 | 00:26:05,967 | 00:26:10,119 | Loretta We got married, had two of the loveliest children on this earth | Loretta We got married, had two of the loveliest children on this earth |
330 | 00:26:10,207 | 00:26:12,243 | I can't believe what it's done for me | I can't believe what it's done for me |
331 | 00:26:12,327 | 00:26:15,524 | It's a shame that she's got a migraine today I'd love you to see her sometime | It's a shame that she's got a migraine today I'd love you to see her sometime |
332 | 00:26:15,607 | 00:26:19,998 | Anyway, enough of my life story What's been happening to you all this while? | Anyway, enough of my life story What's been happening to you all this while? |
333 | 00:26:20,647 | 00:26:24,435 | -Ah, well -Oh, that was a funny old place, wasn't it? | -Ah, well -Oh, that was a funny old place, wasn't it? |
334 | 00:26:24,607 | 00:26:26,837 | That guesthouse | That guesthouse |
335 | 00:26:26,927 | 00:26:30,681 | Do you remember that mynah bird that used to impersonate Kenneth Wolstenholme? | Do you remember that mynah bird that used to impersonate Kenneth Wolstenholme? |
336 | 00:26:31,087 | 00:26:33,123 | which, of course, is quite a turn-up for the books, | which, of course, is quite a turn-up for the books, |
337 | 00:26:33,207 | 00:26:36,244 | after 46 years to find you're allergic to Sellotape | after 46 years to find you're allergic to Sellotape |
338 | 00:26:37,367 | 00:26:40,882 | So, then they had to transfer me to the invoicing department | So, then they had to transfer me to the invoicing department |
339 | 00:26:40,967 | 00:26:43,686 | where I stayed for another seven months and that was that | where I stayed for another seven months and that was that |
340 | 00:26:43,767 | 00:26:47,965 | I didn't really mind when the time came I've never been short of outside interest | I didn't really mind when the time came I've never been short of outside interest |
341 | 00:26:48,047 | 00:26:52,120 | And, of course, my passion for antique dentures remains undiminished | And, of course, my passion for antique dentures remains undiminished |
342 | 00:26:52,207 | 00:26:54,801 | Are there anymore of those jam tarts? | Are there anymore of those jam tarts? |
343 | 00:26:54,887 | 00:26:56,843 | Hmm? What? Oh Hang on | Hmm? What? Oh Hang on |
344 | 00:26:57,527 | 00:27:00,087 | Healthy old appetite they've got for their age, haven't they? | Healthy old appetite they've got for their age, haven't they? |
345 | 00:27:00,167 | 00:27:03,443 | Yes, I think it must be nigh on 300 pairs I have now | Yes, I think it must be nigh on 300 pairs I have now |
346 | 00:27:04,127 | 00:27:05,924 | It's been a long while since I counted them last | It's been a long while since I counted them last |
347 | 00:27:06,007 | 00:27:10,285 | -Sorry? -My collection of false teeth | -Sorry? -My collection of false teeth |
348 | 00:27:10,847 | 00:27:13,202 | I don't suppose that's something that interests you | I don't suppose that's something that interests you |
349 | 00:27:13,287 | 00:27:15,198 | Bit of an obscure hobby, really | Bit of an obscure hobby, really |
350 | 00:27:15,287 | 00:27:18,597 | Yes No I mean, no, no, no, it sounds absolutely fascinating | Yes No I mean, no, no, no, it sounds absolutely fascinating |
351 | 00:27:18,767 | 00:27:24,080 | Yeah, well, the oldest set I've got dates back to the 1 830s | Yeah, well, the oldest set I've got dates back to the 1 830s |
352 | 00:27:24,167 | 00:27:26,965 | and belonged, we think, to an Italian nobleman | and belonged, we think, to an Italian nobleman |
353 | 00:27:27,047 | 00:27:29,607 | who had a rather unusual contour to his upper palate | who had a rather unusual contour to his upper palate |
354 | 00:27:30,167 | 00:27:34,240 | Perhaps if you've got an afternoon free, you'd like to come up and have a look | Perhaps if you've got an afternoon free, you'd like to come up and have a look |
355 | 00:27:34,327 | 00:27:37,205 | Yeah, that would be a treat indeed, Mr Foskett | Yeah, that would be a treat indeed, Mr Foskett |
356 | 00:27:38,487 | 00:27:43,515 | -Actually, I don't want to be slightly rude -Oh, my goodness me, is that the time? | -Actually, I don't want to be slightly rude -Oh, my goodness me, is that the time? |
357 | 00:27:44,127 | 00:27:48,040 | Oh, talk about outstaying your welcome When I go rattling on, I don't know | Oh, talk about outstaying your welcome When I go rattling on, I don't know |
358 | 00:27:48,127 | 00:27:50,482 | Yes, that's all right | Yes, that's all right |
359 | 00:27:50,847 | 00:27:52,724 | I just have to make a quick phone call, if I may, | I just have to make a quick phone call, if I may, |
360 | 00:27:52,807 | 00:27:55,719 | to see how Loretta and the boys are getting on and then I'll be on my way | to see how Loretta and the boys are getting on and then I'll be on my way |
361 | 00:27:55,807 | 00:27:57,638 | -Yes, right -Right | -Yes, right -Right |
362 | 00:27:59,727 | 00:28:01,479 | (SIGHING) | (SIGHING) |
363 | 00:28:08,367 | 00:28:09,880 | What did you say? | What did you say? |
364 | 00:28:10,047 | 00:28:12,402 | -Sorry? -Loretta and the boys? | -Sorry? -Loretta and the boys? |
365 | 00:28:12,727 | 00:28:17,437 | Yes, my two sons, David and Martin I mentioned them earlier Don't you remember? | Yes, my two sons, David and Martin I mentioned them earlier Don't you remember? |
366 | 00:28:17,527 | 00:28:21,236 | Well, yes, but they're in there surely | Well, yes, but they're in there surely |
367 | 00:28:21,567 | 00:28:23,285 | What, my two sons? | What, my two sons? |
368 | 00:28:23,367 | 00:28:26,518 | No! My boys are only three and four | No! My boys are only three and four |
369 | 00:28:26,607 | 00:28:29,883 | I hope they've got better table manners than those two | I hope they've got better table manners than those two |
370 | 00:28:29,967 | 00:28:33,642 | Well, I assumed You mean, they're not your grandchildren? | Well, I assumed You mean, they're not your grandchildren? |
371 | 00:28:35,527 | 00:28:37,358 | Grandchildren? | Grandchildren? |
372 | 00:28:42,967 | 00:28:46,880 | You two! Who the bloody hell are you, for goodness sakes? | You two! Who the bloody hell are you, for goodness sakes? |
373 | 00:28:46,967 | 00:28:48,844 | -Ian Grimwade -Neil Grimwade | -Ian Grimwade -Neil Grimwade |
374 | 00:28:49,247 | 00:28:52,239 | -Grimwade? -What the hell are you doing in my house? | -Grimwade? -What the hell are you doing in my house? |
375 | 00:28:52,447 | 00:28:54,039 | Dad told us to come round | Dad told us to come round |
376 | 00:28:54,127 | 00:28:57,437 | He said we had to apologise for freaking you out with the frog | He said we had to apologise for freaking you out with the frog |
377 | 00:28:57,527 | 00:28:59,404 | and the snowman and all that | and the snowman and all that |
378 | 00:28:59,487 | 00:29:01,682 | You've eaten half the food in our larder! | You've eaten half the food in our larder! |
379 | 00:29:02,167 | 00:29:03,919 | You gave it to us | You gave it to us |
380 | 00:29:04,007 | 00:29:06,760 | Get out! Go on, you greedy little gannets | Get out! Go on, you greedy little gannets |
381 | 00:29:07,087 | 00:29:10,397 | Coming round here like a swarm of army ants | Coming round here like a swarm of army ants |
382 | 00:29:10,487 | 00:29:11,920 | Get out! Get out! | Get out! Get out! |
383 | 00:29:12,247 | 00:29:13,680 | Can we have our hand back? | Can we have our hand back? |
384 | 00:29:13,767 | 00:29:16,201 | You'll get my hand if I ever see you round here again | You'll get my hand if I ever see you round here again |
385 | 00:29:16,287 | 00:29:20,200 | And you can keep away from our garage in future as well while you're at it! | And you can keep away from our garage in future as well while you're at it! |
386 | 00:29:20,287 | 00:29:22,198 | You miserable old git! | You miserable old git! |
387 | 00:29:22,527 | 00:29:25,644 | Don't go in there for a minute I'll get that dustpan | Don't go in there for a minute I'll get that dustpan |
388 | 00:29:30,687 | 00:29:33,121 | Something the matter? You all right? | Something the matter? You all right? |
389 | 00:29:33,847 | 00:29:35,246 | She's gone | She's gone |
390 | 00:29:36,007 | 00:29:38,316 | Gone? Gone where? | Gone? Gone where? |
391 | 00:29:39,367 | 00:29:42,484 | She's left me She didn't say where | She's left me She didn't say where |
392 | 00:29:43,607 | 00:29:47,680 | Just told her sister to tell me that it wasn't working anymore | Just told her sister to tell me that it wasn't working anymore |
393 | 00:29:49,007 | 00:29:51,726 | and the boys would be better off without me | and the boys would be better off without me |
394 | 00:29:53,127 | 00:29:55,516 | She didn't have a migraine after all | She didn't have a migraine after all |
395 | 00:29:58,687 | 00:29:59,836 | Sorry | Sorry |
396 | 00:30:00,927 | 00:30:02,918 | Are you okay? You look a bit faint | Are you okay? You look a bit faint |
397 | 00:30:03,007 | 00:30:04,998 | No, I'm fine | No, I'm fine |
398 | 00:30:05,087 | 00:30:07,521 | I'll just have a glass of water, if I may | I'll just have a glass of water, if I may |
399 | 00:30:14,847 | 00:30:16,644 | (CRASHING) | (CRASHING) |
400 | 00:30:25,927 | 00:30:29,124 | I was wondering if we should ring for a taxi or something | I was wondering if we should ring for a taxi or something |
401 | 00:30:29,207 | 00:30:30,879 | Is he out of the bath yet? | Is he out of the bath yet? |
402 | 00:30:31,527 | 00:30:35,156 | I think he must be having a good soak up there I thought it best not to disturb him | I think he must be having a good soak up there I thought it best not to disturb him |
403 | 00:30:35,247 | 00:30:36,566 | I suppose | I suppose |
404 | 00:30:37,127 | 00:30:39,243 | -He hasn't locked the bathroom door? -Why? | -He hasn't locked the bathroom door? -Why? |
405 | 00:30:40,407 | 00:30:43,763 | The man's tried to kill himself 1 3 times as it is | The man's tried to kill himself 1 3 times as it is |
406 | 00:30:44,127 | 00:30:45,879 | A thing like this I mean | A thing like this I mean |
407 | 00:30:45,967 | 00:30:48,800 | Well, you could see how close to the edge he was | Well, you could see how close to the edge he was |
408 | 00:30:49,567 | 00:30:51,478 | What if he gets in the medicine cabinet? | What if he gets in the medicine cabinet? |
409 | 00:30:51,567 | 00:30:54,127 | Oh, for goodness sake You've been watching too many soap operas | Oh, for goodness sake You've been watching too many soap operas |
410 | 00:30:54,207 | 00:30:57,438 | What's he gonna do? Hang himself with some dental floss? | What's he gonna do? Hang himself with some dental floss? |
411 | 00:31:18,167 | 00:31:19,520 | VICTOR: God | VICTOR: God |
412 | 00:31:20,367 | 00:31:22,278 | Don't move! | Don't move! |
413 | 00:31:24,607 | 00:31:28,043 | Just stay perfectly still! | Just stay perfectly still! |
414 | 00:31:30,447 | 00:31:32,358 | There's no point, Mr Meldrew | There's no point, Mr Meldrew |
415 | 00:31:32,807 | 00:31:34,763 | There's no point anymore | There's no point anymore |
416 | 00:31:35,367 | 00:31:39,121 | Just stop, just for a second, | Just stop, just for a second, |
417 | 00:31:39,207 | 00:31:40,879 | while we talk about this | while we talk about this |
418 | 00:31:44,927 | 00:31:47,487 | (WHISPERING) I'll phone the fire brigade | (WHISPERING) I'll phone the fire brigade |
419 | 00:31:53,527 | 00:31:55,836 | (SCREAMING) | (SCREAMING) |
420 | 00:31:56,127 | 00:31:58,595 | River Bank Yes | River Bank Yes |
421 | 00:31:59,487 | 00:32:03,321 | I don't know It sounds as if we may be too late already | I don't know It sounds as if we may be too late already |
422 | 00:32:14,207 | 00:32:16,323 | Try not to move | Try not to move |
423 | 00:32:16,687 | 00:32:19,485 | Get the ladder I'm coming back | Get the ladder I'm coming back |
424 | 00:32:30,327 | 00:32:32,045 | Please hurry! | Please hurry! |
425 | 00:32:34,687 | 00:32:39,283 | And with the cost of office space these days, it means a considerable saving in overhead, | And with the cost of office space these days, it means a considerable saving in overhead, |
426 | 00:32:39,407 | 00:32:43,286 | which I am more than delighted to reflect in my proposed fee | which I am more than delighted to reflect in my proposed fee |
427 | 00:32:43,367 | 00:32:44,959 | Anyway, | Anyway, |
428 | 00:32:45,047 | 00:32:46,685 | here we are | here we are |
429 | 00:32:46,767 | 00:32:52,239 | If you are agreeable, the nerve centre for the new auditor of Leibnitz and Wang | If you are agreeable, the nerve centre for the new auditor of Leibnitz and Wang |
430 | 00:32:53,407 | 00:32:55,318 | Do either of you have any questions? | Do either of you have any questions? |
431 | 00:33:19,807 | 00:33:21,160 | No? Fine | No? Fine |
432 | 00:33:21,247 | 00:33:24,717 | Well, let me take you back down, then, and give you both a top-up | Well, let me take you back down, then, and give you both a top-up |
433 | 00:33:37,327 | 00:33:39,636 | Did you bring that bag in with the chicken? | Did you bring that bag in with the chicken? |
434 | 00:33:39,727 | 00:33:41,160 | I did, yes | I did, yes |
435 | 00:33:41,607 | 00:33:44,565 | -Did you lock the car up afterwards? -I didn't, no | -Did you lock the car up afterwards? -I didn't, no |
436 | 00:33:44,647 | 00:33:46,558 | Did you remember to leave the keys in the ignition? | Did you remember to leave the keys in the ignition? |
437 | 00:33:46,647 | 00:33:48,205 | I did, yes | I did, yes |
438 | 00:33:50,087 | 00:33:54,000 | God knows why people keep bringing the bloody things back | God knows why people keep bringing the bloody things back |
439 | 00:33:54,087 | 00:33:57,318 | ''Excuse me Did you know you left your keys in the car? | ''Excuse me Did you know you left your keys in the car? |
440 | 00:33:57,407 | 00:34:00,240 | ''Someone could easily steal it like that, you know'' | ''Someone could easily steal it like that, you know'' |
441 | 00:34:00,327 | 00:34:02,124 | Chance would be a fine thing | Chance would be a fine thing |
442 | 00:34:03,687 | 00:34:05,245 | What's that? | What's that? |
443 | 00:34:05,847 | 00:34:09,237 | Someone tried to deliver a parcel apparently They've left it next door | Someone tried to deliver a parcel apparently They've left it next door |
444 | 00:34:17,527 | 00:34:19,040 | (KNOCKING ON DOOR) | (KNOCKING ON DOOR) |
445 | 00:34:28,967 | 00:34:32,118 | Ah, Mr Meldrew Are you well? | Ah, Mr Meldrew Are you well? |
446 | 00:34:33,447 | 00:34:36,519 | I gather that you've got a package for us? | I gather that you've got a package for us? |
447 | 00:34:36,607 | 00:34:40,316 | Hmm Oh, yes Yes, now, where did I put that now? | Hmm Oh, yes Yes, now, where did I put that now? |
448 | 00:34:40,407 | 00:34:42,159 | In this drawer here? | In this drawer here? |
449 | 00:34:42,807 | 00:34:44,798 | Oh, no No, that's not it, is it? | Oh, no No, that's not it, is it? |
450 | 00:34:44,927 | 00:34:48,522 | No, that's the letter I received this morning from Leibnitz and Wang, | No, that's the letter I received this morning from Leibnitz and Wang, |
451 | 00:34:48,607 | 00:34:52,839 | the company which I had dared hope might put a rather lucrative business deal my way | the company which I had dared hope might put a rather lucrative business deal my way |
452 | 00:34:52,927 | 00:34:58,001 | That is, of course, until they popped round last Sunday to finalise one or two details | That is, of course, until they popped round last Sunday to finalise one or two details |
453 | 00:34:58,087 | 00:35:03,286 | and were somewhat taken aback not so much by the hideous sight of a naked man | and were somewhat taken aback not so much by the hideous sight of a naked man |
454 | 00:35:03,367 | 00:35:06,837 | dangling outside my office window, as by the hideous sight of | dangling outside my office window, as by the hideous sight of |
455 | 00:35:06,927 | 00:35:09,395 | what was dangling from the naked man | what was dangling from the naked man |
456 | 00:35:11,167 | 00:35:15,524 | Following which, in time-honoured fashion, they said that they would let me know | Following which, in time-honoured fashion, they said that they would let me know |
457 | 00:35:15,607 | 00:35:20,635 | And lo and behold, this morning they did | And lo and behold, this morning they did |
458 | 00:35:21,887 | 00:35:25,038 | Still, never mind, as they say | Still, never mind, as they say |
459 | 00:35:25,167 | 00:35:28,443 | Now if I could just make one small suggestion, | Now if I could just make one small suggestion, |
460 | 00:35:28,527 | 00:35:31,121 | perhaps a stronger lock on the door of your laboratory | perhaps a stronger lock on the door of your laboratory |
461 | 00:35:31,207 | 00:35:33,277 | might stop them escaping next time | might stop them escaping next time |
462 | 00:35:35,407 | 00:35:37,398 | Yes, I'm sorry if | Yes, I'm sorry if |
463 | 00:35:37,487 | 00:35:39,318 | Oh, I remember The front room | Oh, I remember The front room |
464 | 00:35:39,407 | 00:35:40,840 | Almost forgot | Almost forgot |
465 | 00:35:41,127 | 00:35:42,765 | PATRICK: Ah, yes Here we are | PATRICK: Ah, yes Here we are |
466 | 00:35:43,967 | 00:35:46,765 | I thought it might be a new consignment of human organs or something | I thought it might be a new consignment of human organs or something |
467 | 00:35:46,847 | 00:35:48,439 | so I kept it in the hall | so I kept it in the hall |
468 | 00:35:49,847 | 00:35:51,200 | Manage that all right? | Manage that all right? |
469 | 00:35:51,287 | 00:35:55,326 | -Yeah Thank you very much -No No, thank you very much, Mr Meldrew | -Yeah Thank you very much -No No, thank you very much, Mr Meldrew |
470 | 00:36:02,087 | 00:36:06,603 | I think warped is the word that springs to mind | I think warped is the word that springs to mind |
471 | 00:36:06,887 | 00:36:09,685 | You deliberately let him think they turned you down | You deliberately let him think they turned you down |
472 | 00:36:09,767 | 00:36:11,758 | just to make him feel awful | just to make him feel awful |
473 | 00:36:19,727 | 00:36:20,796 | Yes | Yes |
474 | 00:36:29,327 | 00:36:31,557 | MARGARET: What on earth | MARGARET: What on earth |
475 | 00:36:31,807 | 00:36:34,162 | Ermhang on a minute | Ermhang on a minute |
476 | 00:36:35,327 | 00:36:36,362 | (VICTOR GROANING) | (VICTOR GROANING) |
477 | 00:36:36,447 | 00:36:38,165 | What the hell is it? | What the hell is it? |
478 | 00:36:38,767 | 00:36:42,123 | -You didn't send away for anything, did you? -There's a letter here | -You didn't send away for anything, did you? -There's a letter here |
479 | 00:36:42,207 | 00:36:45,483 | The post mark's all smudged You can't see where it's from | The post mark's all smudged You can't see where it's from |
480 | 00:36:50,487 | 00:36:53,684 | ''Dear Mr Meldrew, we would like to inform'' | ''Dear Mr Meldrew, we would like to inform'' |
481 | 00:36:54,727 | 00:36:56,365 | Oh, it's from | Oh, it's from |
482 | 00:36:57,047 | 00:36:58,480 | Oh, no | Oh, no |
483 | 00:36:59,567 | 00:37:01,364 | It's Mr Foskett | It's Mr Foskett |
484 | 00:37:03,767 | 00:37:07,601 | After he left here on Sunday, you remember? With that police officer | After he left here on Sunday, you remember? With that police officer |
485 | 00:37:07,687 | 00:37:11,521 | They took him back to the station for a cup of tea to try and calm him down | They took him back to the station for a cup of tea to try and calm him down |
486 | 00:37:11,607 | 00:37:16,681 | It says, ''About 8:30, he left the interview room to go to the toilet | It says, ''About 8:30, he left the interview room to go to the toilet |
487 | 00:37:16,767 | 00:37:20,999 | ''and threw himself out of the window on the seventh floor | ''and threw himself out of the window on the seventh floor |
488 | 00:37:23,167 | 00:37:26,603 | ''Prior to that, apart from the break-up of his marriage, | ''Prior to that, apart from the break-up of his marriage, |
489 | 00:37:26,687 | 00:37:30,043 | ''the only thing he talked about was how kind and generous you and your wife | ''the only thing he talked about was how kind and generous you and your wife |
490 | 00:37:30,127 | 00:37:31,879 | ''had been to him that day | ''had been to him that day |
491 | 00:37:31,967 | 00:37:35,562 | ''and how nice it was to think you were so genuinely pleased to see him | ''and how nice it was to think you were so genuinely pleased to see him |
492 | 00:37:35,647 | 00:37:37,922 | ''after all those years | ''after all those years |
493 | 00:37:38,607 | 00:37:42,361 | ''Before he died in hospital, he asked if we could arrange | ''Before he died in hospital, he asked if we could arrange |
494 | 00:37:42,447 | 00:37:45,917 | ''for the enclosed to be passed on to you as it was something you had expressed | ''for the enclosed to be passed on to you as it was something you had expressed |
495 | 00:37:46,007 | 00:37:48,601 | ''such a fascination for when you last spoke to him'' | ''such a fascination for when you last spoke to him'' |
496 | 00:38:11,967 | 00:38:14,037 | I suppose you can see why they do it | I suppose you can see why they do it |
497 | 00:38:14,727 | 00:38:19,357 | The people across the road just spend all night laughing | The people across the road just spend all night laughing |
498 | 00:38:21,967 | 00:38:25,084 | But the only thing you can do to stay sane | But the only thing you can do to stay sane |
499 | 00:38:26,127 | 00:38:27,765 | is laugh | is laugh |
500 | 00:38:27,847 | 00:38:29,121 | Yes | Yes |
501 | 00:38:30,607 | 00:38:33,167 | See the funny side of things | See the funny side of things |
502 | 00:38:33,887 | 00:38:34,876 | Yes | Yes |
503 | 00:38:37,687 | 00:38:42,442 | I mean, if we couldn't laugh at all this, we'd be committing suicide | I mean, if we couldn't laugh at all this, we'd be committing suicide |
504 | 00:38:43,327 | 00:38:44,396 | Yes | Yes |
505 | 00:38:51,847 | 00:38:53,917 | Where are the sleeping tablets? | Where are the sleeping tablets? |
506 | 00:38:55,047 | 00:38:56,799 | In the cupboard by my bed | In the cupboard by my bed |
507 | 00:38:59,367 | 00:39:00,436 | Right | Right |
508 | 00:39:06,967 | 00:39:09,117 | (THE LAUGHING POLICEMAN PLAYING) | (THE LAUGHING POLICEMAN PLAYING) |
509 | 00:39:15,767 | 00:39:19,521 | # So if you chance to meet him when walking round the town | # So if you chance to meet him when walking round the town |
510 | 00:39:19,607 | 00:39:23,441 | #Just shake him by his fat old hand and give him half a crown | #Just shake him by his fat old hand and give him half a crown |
511 | 00:39:23,527 | 00:39:27,236 | #And then you'll start him laughing with all his blessed might # | #And then you'll start him laughing with all his blessed might # |
511 | 00:39:23,527 | 00:39:27,236 | #And then you'll start him laughing with all his blessed might # | #And then you'll start him laughing with all his blessed might # |