# Start End Original Translated
1 00:00:08,926 00:00:10,593 Grand Canyon ain't nothin'. Grand Canyon ain't nothin'.
2 00:00:11,637 00:00:17,141 Being a grandfather or a father now that's harder than being the Grand Canyon. Being a grandfather or a father now that's harder than being the Grand Canyon.
3 00:00:18,102 00:00:20,770 lt's just a hole sitting there doing nothing. lt's just a hole sitting there doing nothing.
4 00:00:21,230 00:00:24,607 Okay, but are you even okay without havin' a Grand Canyon? Okay, but are you even okay without havin' a Grand Canyon?
5 00:00:25,067 00:00:30,279 Or should we just kick some sand up all over it and fill it up like a cat box? Or should we just kick some sand up all over it and fill it up like a cat box?
6 00:00:30,364 00:00:31,364 Shit. Shit.
7 00:00:31,699 00:00:35,868 All l'm sayin' is the Grand Canyon is All l'm sayin' is the Grand Canyon is
8 00:00:35,953 00:00:38,788 where Joe was left that very day. where Joe was left that very day.
9 00:00:38,872 00:00:41,791 Yo Ebony lvory? You talkin' about Joe Dirt? Yo Ebony lvory? You talkin' about Joe Dirt?
10 00:00:41,875 00:00:44,210 -Yeah. -l know a little something about Joe Dirt. -Yeah. -l know a little something about Joe Dirt.
11 00:00:45,129 00:00:48,172 Stopped into an old radio station l worked a few years back. Stopped into an old radio station l worked a few years back.
12 00:00:48,257 00:00:51,050 Stayed for it must have been a week. Stayed for it must have been a week.
13 00:00:51,343 00:00:54,345 Wove some bat-shit crazy tale. Wove some bat-shit crazy tale.
14 00:00:54,555 00:00:58,349 So bat-shit he should have hung upside down from the ceiling when he was telling it. So bat-shit he should have hung upside down from the ceiling when he was telling it.
15 00:00:58,600 00:01:01,936 l remember a big kid bigger heart. l remember a big kid bigger heart.
16 00:01:02,146 00:01:05,606 Sure you know l'm not saying the lQ wasn't subterranean. Sure you know l'm not saying the lQ wasn't subterranean.
17 00:01:05,816 00:01:09,193 l mean that intellect was barely skimming the treetops. l mean that intellect was barely skimming the treetops.
18 00:01:10,070 00:01:12,697 Now l ain't saying that l ain't in "agree-ence" with you. Now l ain't saying that l ain't in "agree-ence" with you.
19 00:01:12,990 00:01:17,535 But somewhere in thereʼ the speechifying you makingʼ But somewhere in thereʼ the speechifying you makingʼ
20 00:01:17,619 00:01:19,078 it just ain't sounded right. it just ain't sounded right.
21 00:01:19,163 00:01:21,372 Hey John C-minus Reilly. Hey John C-minus Reilly.
22 00:01:21,999 00:01:24,709 lt's not "agree-ence" it's "agreematude". lt's not "agree-ence" it's "agreematude".
23 00:01:24,877 00:01:27,670 And by the way what's with the mouth for God's sakes? And by the way what's with the mouth for God's sakes?
24 00:01:27,838 00:01:31,549 The teeth look like a half-completed Lego project. The teeth look like a half-completed Lego project.
25 00:01:31,675 00:01:33,843 What are you gargling with M-80s? What are you gargling with M-80s?
26 00:01:33,927 00:01:37,513 Are those deciduous teeth? l'm waiting for them to change color fall out Are those deciduous teeth? l'm waiting for them to change color fall out
27 00:01:37,598 00:01:41,559 and float down to the Grand. Who's your orthodontist Moe Howard with and float down to the Grand. Who's your orthodontist Moe Howard with
28 00:01:41,643 00:01:43,060 a ball-peen hammer? a ball-peen hammer?
29 00:01:43,145 00:01:47,273 l mean for God's sakes man. lt looks like Willie Stargell took a bat to your mouth. l mean for God's sakes man. lt looks like Willie Stargell took a bat to your mouth.
30 00:01:49,860 00:01:52,779 Now listen JD has got himself in another bind here. Now listen JD has got himself in another bind here.
31 00:01:52,863 00:01:57,200 But why not let the boy tell ya his own taleʼ in his own way? But why not let the boy tell ya his own taleʼ in his own way?
32 00:01:57,284 00:01:58,993 Let's drop that needle guys. Let's drop that needle guys.
33 00:02:05,876 00:02:07,835 Whoa whoa whoa. Wait a second. Whoa whoa whoa. Wait a second.
34 00:02:08,253 00:02:11,756 That's a sweet song l get the thematicsʼ but this is Joe Dirt. That's a sweet song l get the thematicsʼ but this is Joe Dirt.
35 00:02:11,965 00:02:16,344 We're gonna start this puppy offʼ we gotta go old school. Try it again guys. We're gonna start this puppy offʼ we gotta go old school. Try it again guys.
36 00:03:02,683 00:03:03,975 Hello. Hello.
37 00:03:05,269 00:03:08,020 l'm Dirt. l'm Joe Dirt. l'm Dirt. l'm Joe Dirt.
38 00:03:10,607 00:03:13,734 Those look like pretty comfortable shoes you got on there. Those look like pretty comfortable shoes you got on there.
39 00:03:14,278 00:03:18,447 My boots don't feel so good but they're like magical or something. My boots don't feel so good but they're like magical or something.
40 00:03:19,324 00:03:22,243 Look cracker don't you be talking no Forrest Gump Look cracker don't you be talking no Forrest Gump
41 00:03:22,327 00:03:24,912 crap to me you little bitch waffle. crap to me you little bitch waffle.
42 00:03:25,038 00:03:29,083 Sittin' there talkin' all that honky-ass whiney crap likeʼ Sittin' there talkin' all that honky-ass whiney crap likeʼ
43 00:03:29,167 00:03:32,753 "Mama said life is like a box of chocolates." "Mama said life is like a box of chocolates."
44 00:03:32,921 00:03:34,255 Boy sittin' next to you for even Boy sittin' next to you for even
45 00:03:34,339 00:03:38,509 ten seconds makes me feel like l should take a shower in a bath full of Clorox. ten seconds makes me feel like l should take a shower in a bath full of Clorox.
46 00:03:38,886 00:03:40,219 Shit. Shit.
47 00:03:40,971 00:03:42,305 Mullet head. Mullet head.
48 00:03:49,897 00:03:54,233 lf l said "hi" to you you're not going to call me like a dumb crap Forrest Gump lf l said "hi" to you you're not going to call me like a dumb crap Forrest Gump
49 00:03:54,318 00:03:55,651 or something will you? or something will you?
50 00:03:56,111 00:03:59,906 Well let's play it by ear. Well let's play it by ear.
51 00:04:00,157 00:04:02,617 Are you waiting on the seven cross-town bus? Are you waiting on the seven cross-town bus?
52 00:04:02,701 00:04:03,743 Fair enough. Fair enough.
53 00:04:03,952 00:04:09,165 No l'm just waitin' for the concert to be over over there. l tidy up after. No l'm just waitin' for the concert to be over over there. l tidy up after.
54 00:04:09,374 00:04:14,295 -Tidy up? -Dirty yeah. l'm sort of you know a roadie. -Tidy up? -Dirty yeah. l'm sort of you know a roadie.
55 00:04:14,630 00:04:18,799 You travel with the bands and you pack up their equipment after concerts You travel with the bands and you pack up their equipment after concerts
56 00:04:18,884 00:04:23,304 -and their amplifiers and stuff? -Yeah exactly. But no not per se. -and their amplifiers and stuff? -Yeah exactly. But no not per se.
57 00:04:23,388 00:04:27,224 l don't travel with them. Mostly l mop up after they're done. l don't travel with them. Mostly l mop up after they're done.
58 00:04:27,517 00:04:33,397 Like l clean up the poop and the barf and things. And your occasional fart items. Like l clean up the poop and the barf and things. And your occasional fart items.
59 00:04:33,565 00:04:35,399 And peepee you know whatnot. And peepee you know whatnot.
60 00:04:35,651 00:04:40,321 So you don't actually travel with themʼ and such. Not a roadie. So you don't actually travel with themʼ and such. Not a roadie.
61 00:04:40,405 00:04:43,491 No exactly. l don't know where that started yeah. No exactly. l don't know where that started yeah.
62 00:04:43,575 00:04:46,786 -Now we're on the same page. -Why aren't you in thereʼ -Now we're on the same page. -Why aren't you in thereʼ
63 00:04:46,870 00:04:50,206 -watching them perform? -Wellʼ -watching them perform? -Wellʼ
64 00:04:51,124 00:04:56,420 l ain't exactly allowed in the building during the concerto if you will. l ain't exactly allowed in the building during the concerto if you will.
65 00:04:56,505 00:05:01,092 But if there is a diarrhea emergency or something l get to go in and clean it up. But if there is a diarrhea emergency or something l get to go in and clean it up.
66 00:05:01,176 00:05:03,386 And l can hear a little bit. So there are some perks. And l can hear a little bit. So there are some perks.
67 00:05:05,055 00:05:08,057 l enjoy my job. 'Cause if people have a hard week and they wanna rock out l enjoy my job. 'Cause if people have a hard week and they wanna rock out
68 00:05:08,141 00:05:12,603 at a concert l like to help you knowʼ picking up their garbage and bodily fluidsʼ at a concert l like to help you knowʼ picking up their garbage and bodily fluidsʼ
69 00:05:12,688 00:05:15,064 just so they can relax. They can thank me later. just so they can relax. They can thank me later.
70 00:05:15,565 00:05:17,817 They don't. But that's cool. They don't. But that's cool.
71 00:05:17,901 00:05:23,197 lt don't stop me from being All ln All The Time. You know how it is yeah. lt don't stop me from being All ln All The Time. You know how it is yeah.
72 00:05:23,907 00:05:27,868 So much has been happening to me that l don't even understand it all. So much has been happening to me that l don't even understand it all.
73 00:05:28,495 00:05:31,122 lt's all just happening way above my pay grade. lt's all just happening way above my pay grade.
74 00:05:31,748 00:05:34,917 Above zero? Just kidding. Above zero? Just kidding.
75 00:05:35,002 00:05:37,753 -Sorry that was rude. -That's a good one. You got me. -Sorry that was rude. -That's a good one. You got me.
76 00:05:37,921 00:05:42,049 That's pretty much how it is. Seeʼ my new story picks up after my first storyʼ That's pretty much how it is. Seeʼ my new story picks up after my first storyʼ
77 00:05:42,134 00:05:45,469 and yet it goes back to the day l was born. and yet it goes back to the day l was born.
78 00:05:46,388 00:05:51,100 Well you've got me intrigued. And l don't see the bus coming nearby so Well you've got me intrigued. And l don't see the bus coming nearby so
79 00:05:51,893 00:05:53,310 start at the beginning. start at the beginning.
80 00:05:54,271 00:05:57,273 lt starts where every good thing in my life ever got started. lt starts where every good thing in my life ever got started.
81 00:05:58,025 00:05:59,608 Silvertown. Silvertown.
82 00:06:00,318 00:06:02,069 Man that's the greatest town ever. Man that's the greatest town ever.
83 00:06:47,032 00:06:52,161 And today was the best day ever. Man, l was marrying Brandy. And today was the best day ever. Man, l was marrying Brandy.
84 00:07:11,223 00:07:13,015 Hey! Come here get down! Hey! Come here get down!
85 00:07:14,184 00:07:16,060 It was like I was dreamin'. It was like I was dreamin'.
86 00:07:17,479 00:07:19,688 Brandy knew me better than l knew myself. Brandy knew me better than l knew myself.
87 00:07:20,065 00:07:23,192 Like, she knew that I didn't know what seven times seven was. Like, she knew that I didn't know what seven times seven was.
88 00:07:23,443 00:07:26,529 l mean, yeah, now I know that it's 77, but still. l mean, yeah, now I know that it's 77, but still.
89 00:07:26,696 00:07:28,030 She knew me. She knew me.
90 00:07:28,240 00:07:31,951 And just when l thought it couldn't get any better, it did. And just when l thought it couldn't get any better, it did.
91 00:07:32,035 00:07:33,035 Joe... Joe...
92 00:07:33,161 00:07:34,870 We were gonna have a baby. We were gonna have a baby.
93 00:07:36,081 00:07:37,998 Morning sickness came on fast. Morning sickness came on fast.
94 00:07:39,042 00:07:40,042 Get it out. Get it out.
95 00:07:40,168 00:07:42,419 But Brandy was a real trooper about it. But Brandy was a real trooper about it.
96 00:07:49,261 00:07:51,554 And then the big day arrived. And then the big day arrived.
97 00:07:51,763 00:07:53,848 Joe honey? How are you doing? Joe honey? How are you doing?
98 00:07:53,932 00:07:56,767 Yeah yeah l'm doing good baby. l'm doing good. Yeah yeah l'm doing good baby. l'm doing good.
99 00:07:56,852 00:07:59,478 Please make her smart like Brandy. Please make her smart like Brandy. Please make her smart like Brandy. Please make her smart like Brandy.
100 00:07:59,563 00:08:02,565 -Don't make her dumb like me. -Joe? -Don't make her dumb like me. -Joe?
101 00:08:02,983 00:08:03,983 What? What?
102 00:08:04,067 00:08:06,819 l don't know what to do. Just tell me if there's something l need to help you with. l don't know what to do. Just tell me if there's something l need to help you with.
103 00:08:06,903 00:08:09,446 -Honey honey breathe. Okay? -Yeah. -Honey honey breathe. Okay? -Yeah.
104 00:08:09,531 00:08:12,783 -ln and out. That's it. -Oh man. -ln and out. That's it. -Oh man.
105 00:08:12,868 00:08:14,743 We're gonna see our baby real soon. We're gonna see our baby real soon.
106 00:08:14,911 00:08:16,328 l hope she looks like you. l hope she looks like you.
107 00:08:16,496 00:08:17,955 Shut up! Shut up!
108 00:08:18,081 00:08:21,834 l mean shut up because noʼ please she has to look like you baby. l mean shut up because noʼ please she has to look like you baby.
109 00:08:21,918 00:08:23,919 Don't waste a favor. What if God listens? You can't... Don't waste a favor. What if God listens? You can't...
110 00:08:24,045 00:08:28,048 You are the most handsomest man that l have ever seen. You are the most handsomest man that l have ever seen.
111 00:08:28,675 00:08:31,635 Baby l think them drugs put your eyeballs to sleepʼ Baby l think them drugs put your eyeballs to sleepʼ
112 00:08:31,720 00:08:33,637 because you don't know what you're saying. because you don't know what you're saying.
113 00:08:34,181 00:08:35,931 All right let's take a look. All right let's take a look.
114 00:08:36,766 00:08:40,936 Centimeter dilation looks just about right. Centimeter dilation looks just about right.
115 00:08:41,313 00:08:42,980 Hey Doc are you smoking? Hey Doc are you smoking?
116 00:08:43,523 00:08:46,609 Was it the cigarette that gave it away Sherlock? Was it the cigarette that gave it away Sherlock?
117 00:08:50,197 00:08:53,115 -Doctor girl? -Mister may l call you Brandy? -Doctor girl? -Mister may l call you Brandy?
118 00:08:53,283 00:08:56,243 Because l feel like once l've seen your muff we should be on a first name basis. Because l feel like once l've seen your muff we should be on a first name basis.
119 00:08:56,328 00:08:58,704 Okay this exchange doesn't sound too "doctorish" to me. Okay this exchange doesn't sound too "doctorish" to me.
120 00:08:58,788 00:09:01,582 How cool. Did you go to med school? How cool. Did you go to med school?
121 00:09:02,125 00:09:03,417 No l did not. No l did not.
122 00:09:03,501 00:09:06,545 So you don't know how doctors talk. l thought maybe you did So you don't know how doctors talk. l thought maybe you did
123 00:09:06,630 00:09:10,591 the way you sounded all confident about our exchange not sounding doctor-like. the way you sounded all confident about our exchange not sounding doctor-like.
124 00:09:10,717 00:09:12,718 My Joe went to the school of hard knocks My Joe went to the school of hard knocks
125 00:09:12,802 00:09:15,596 but graduated with honors. Please treat him with respect. but graduated with honors. Please treat him with respect.
126 00:09:15,889 00:09:18,682 That's nice Brandy ya always say the nicest stuff about me. That's nice Brandy ya always say the nicest stuff about me.
127 00:09:18,808 00:09:20,643 Well l can't help myself baby. Well l can't help myself baby.
128 00:09:20,810 00:09:24,438 Well well our little girl is crowning. You're about to meet your baby. Well well our little girl is crowning. You're about to meet your baby.
129 00:09:24,648 00:09:27,691 -Hear that baby? -l love her so much already! -Hear that baby? -l love her so much already!
130 00:09:27,901 00:09:30,486 Miss? Hold on a second. Miss? Hold on a second.
131 00:09:30,612 00:09:32,321 Sue l think there's another baby up in there. Sue l think there's another baby up in there.
132 00:09:32,405 00:09:35,658 -Did l hear there's probably another baby? -Hey we're in a meeting. -Did l hear there's probably another baby? -Hey we're in a meeting.
133 00:09:35,825 00:09:41,330 Hey Doc l just wanna... Whoa. Jackpot! Give me some! Hey Doc l just wanna... Whoa. Jackpot! Give me some!
134 00:09:41,623 00:09:43,707 -What? -lt's a medical term. -What? -lt's a medical term.
135 00:09:44,251 00:09:46,335 lt's a medical term it don't sound like one. lt's a medical term it don't sound like one.
136 00:09:46,419 00:09:48,754 Wow! Did you go to med school? Wow! Did you go to med school?
137 00:09:48,880 00:09:53,175 -No we went over this earlier. -Hey Doc l do see another baby in there. -No we went over this earlier. -Hey Doc l do see another baby in there.
138 00:09:53,260 00:09:55,010 Although l'm no baby expert. Although l'm no baby expert.
139 00:09:55,178 00:09:58,138 -You ain't no expert? -l wanted to get in on this one as soon as -You ain't no expert? -l wanted to get in on this one as soon as
140 00:09:58,223 00:10:01,809 l heard it was gonna be Brandy-Boo up here in these here stirrups. l heard it was gonna be Brandy-Boo up here in these here stirrups.
141 00:10:01,977 00:10:03,978 -What's that? -Get out of here man. -What's that? -Get out of here man.
142 00:10:04,646 00:10:06,772 What are you doing? Don't talk that way. What are you doing? Don't talk that way.
143 00:10:06,898 00:10:09,733 -Oh shit. -What now? What's the matter? -Oh shit. -What now? What's the matter?
144 00:10:09,818 00:10:11,610 -There's three up in there. -Three what? -There's three up in there. -Three what?
145 00:10:11,695 00:10:13,320 Three babies dumbass. Three babies dumbass.
146 00:10:13,446 00:10:16,198 -l told you. l told you. -Well l see them now. -l told you. l told you. -Well l see them now.
147 00:10:16,283 00:10:17,700 Excuse me. Excuse me.
148 00:10:19,869 00:10:24,290 Today is the day when these tiny little lives begin theirjourney Today is the day when these tiny little lives begin theirjourney
149 00:10:25,041 00:10:28,544 that God willing will outlast everybody in this room. that God willing will outlast everybody in this room.
150 00:10:29,754 00:10:34,300 Joe and l would appreciate it if you would show the proper reverence. Joe and l would appreciate it if you would show the proper reverence.
151 00:10:36,177 00:10:40,723 Baby that's so good. She got the speeches down. That's poetry right there. Baby that's so good. She got the speeches down. That's poetry right there.
152 00:10:40,807 00:10:43,183 You're my little MLK baby. You're my little MLK baby.
153 00:10:45,895 00:10:50,065 This Brandy chick is pure gold. lnside and out. This Brandy chick is pure gold. lnside and out.
154 00:10:50,775 00:10:54,570 A woman like that loving a man like him. l must have misjudged this fool. A woman like that loving a man like him. l must have misjudged this fool.
155 00:10:55,280 00:10:57,072 What do you say we deliver these babies? What do you say we deliver these babies?
156 00:10:59,242 00:11:03,370 Wow. Martin Scorsese couldn't compose a better shot. Wow. Martin Scorsese couldn't compose a better shot.
157 00:11:03,496 00:11:05,539 What more could a guy ask for? What more could a guy ask for?
158 00:11:07,042 00:11:08,167 That wasn't it. That wasn't it.
159 00:11:08,293 00:11:11,587 Hey what did Brandy just say? Let's deliver us some babies. Hey what did Brandy just say? Let's deliver us some babies.
160 00:11:11,671 00:11:12,921 You got it Joe Dirt. You got it Joe Dirt.
161 00:11:13,173 00:11:15,758 Give us some room. Three babies comin' up. Give us some room. Three babies comin' up.
162 00:11:16,092 00:11:18,886 -Push! Push! -You got this. Come on. You can do it! -Push! Push! -You got this. Come on. You can do it!
163 00:11:18,970 00:11:19,970 Are they talking? Are they talking?
164 00:11:21,264 00:11:24,099 Congratulations you have triplets! Congratulations you have triplets!
165 00:11:24,476 00:11:25,517 What? What?
166 00:11:25,602 00:11:30,397 Brandy you hear that? We got us a little NASCAR pit crew. l'm so happy. Brandy you hear that? We got us a little NASCAR pit crew. l'm so happy.
167 00:11:33,693 00:11:38,364 Joe it's sweet that you wanna name them Brandy Junior Brandy Brandyʼ Joe it's sweet that you wanna name them Brandy Junior Brandy Brandyʼ
168 00:11:38,448 00:11:43,327 and Brandy 2.0 the Special Editionʼ but they need real names. and Brandy 2.0 the Special Editionʼ but they need real names.
169 00:11:43,411 00:11:47,373 You're right. You're the brains of the outfit. All right how about this l've been thinking You're right. You're the brains of the outfit. All right how about this l've been thinking
170 00:11:48,083 00:11:52,127 -Def Lep Skynyrd and Seger. -Joe! Be serious. -Def Lep Skynyrd and Seger. -Joe! Be serious.
171 00:11:52,212 00:11:55,923 l know. The Def Lep one is wrong. That's no good. All right how about this? l know. The Def Lep one is wrong. That's no good. All right how about this?
172 00:11:56,299 00:12:00,677 383 Magnum 440 Magnumʼ and 426 it's a Hemi. 383 Magnum 440 Magnumʼ and 426 it's a Hemi.
173 00:12:00,845 00:12:04,056 lt's a Hemi. Everyone loves a Hemi. lt's a Hemi. Everyone loves a Hemi.
174 00:12:04,307 00:12:06,266 Joe l am naming them. Joe l am naming them.
175 00:12:06,351 00:12:08,435 All right you constructed themʼ you did all the work. All right you constructed themʼ you did all the work.
176 00:12:08,520 00:12:10,646 You made 'em perfect and amazing. What do you got? You made 'em perfect and amazing. What do you got?
177 00:12:10,980 00:12:14,691 Cheyenne Abilene and Dakota. Cheyenne Abilene and Dakota.
178 00:12:16,319 00:12:18,862 So perfect. You're so good at thisʼ three for three. So perfect. You're so good at thisʼ three for three.
179 00:12:19,406 00:12:20,656 -Yeah? -You did good. -Yeah? -You did good.
180 00:12:21,491 00:12:22,491 Look at 'em. Look at 'em.
181 00:12:23,701 00:12:25,327 So everything was good. So everything was good.
182 00:12:25,829 00:12:27,371 Sure there were some bumps. Sure there were some bumps.
183 00:12:27,497 00:12:31,708 Like this local guy, Jimmy Yauch. Man, he was worse than Robby. Like this local guy, Jimmy Yauch. Man, he was worse than Robby.
184 00:12:32,377 00:12:33,752 What you doing over there? What you doing over there?
185 00:12:34,629 00:12:36,338 Makes the smoke minty fresh. Makes the smoke minty fresh.
186 00:12:36,673 00:12:38,966 What are you a scientist now? What are you a scientist now?
187 00:12:40,885 00:12:44,430 No l drive a truck for Kipper's tow yard. l thought you knew that. No l drive a truck for Kipper's tow yard. l thought you knew that.
188 00:12:44,514 00:12:46,515 And you suck what? l didn't hear that. And you suck what? l didn't hear that.
189 00:12:48,476 00:12:53,313 First of all no and second who's feeding you all this false information? First of all no and second who's feeding you all this false information?
190 00:12:53,690 00:12:55,607 Well that would be your mother son. Well that would be your mother son.
191 00:12:57,193 00:12:59,945 l think you better stop. You better stop now. l think you better stop. You better stop now.
192 00:13:00,029 00:13:04,616 'Cause like Omar sayʼ "You come at the king you best not miss." 'Cause like Omar sayʼ "You come at the king you best not miss."
193 00:13:05,368 00:13:10,164 -But l didn't come at you. -Anyways boys l been working on a song. -But l didn't come at you. -Anyways boys l been working on a song.
194 00:13:10,832 00:13:14,835 About the hottest shorty boo that ever did walk the face of the Earth. About the hottest shorty boo that ever did walk the face of the Earth.
195 00:13:15,044 00:13:18,589 And l'm telling you this right now. Brandy one day she will be mine. And l'm telling you this right now. Brandy one day she will be mine.
196 00:13:18,715 00:13:19,715 Now this l swear. Now this l swear.
197 00:13:20,884 00:13:21,884 Check this out. Check this out.
198 00:13:23,636 00:13:27,347 l'm a son of a gun not a box of six-gun repeaters l'm a son of a gun not a box of six-gun repeaters
199 00:13:29,058 00:13:33,395 I'm a backdoor man not just some Walmart greeter I'm a backdoor man not just some Walmart greeter
200 00:13:34,439 00:13:37,065 l'm rocking a double five-five wiener l'm rocking a double five-five wiener
201 00:13:38,776 00:13:41,069 Looking for Brandy's love meter Looking for Brandy's love meter
202 00:13:49,829 00:13:52,581 Damn it l know l suck. l ain't got no poetry. Damn it l know l suck. l ain't got no poetry.
203 00:13:53,333 00:13:56,543 See with a girl like Brandyʼ you got to have some poetry in you. See with a girl like Brandyʼ you got to have some poetry in you.
204 00:13:57,212 00:13:59,129 But it's a catch-22. But it's a catch-22.
205 00:13:59,672 00:14:02,716 Because a woman like that puts the poetry in you. Because a woman like that puts the poetry in you.
206 00:14:03,760 00:14:08,430 Damn it to 'Frisco. l hate poetry. l can't stand poetry. Damn it to 'Frisco. l hate poetry. l can't stand poetry.
207 00:14:08,932 00:14:11,642 Damn Joe Dirt. lt ain't right! Damn Joe Dirt. lt ain't right!
208 00:14:12,018 00:14:16,104 lt ain't right. lt should be me man. lt should be me and not Joe Dirt. lt ain't right. lt should be me man. lt should be me and not Joe Dirt.
209 00:14:17,690 00:14:20,108 Sorry about that guitar thing man. lt got out of hand. Sorry about that guitar thing man. lt got out of hand.
210 00:14:20,443 00:14:22,069 lt is what it is. lt is what it is.
211 00:14:22,862 00:14:24,780 We all have our cross to bear. We all have our cross to bear.
212 00:14:26,699 00:14:29,117 Mine is Joe piece of Dirt. Mine is Joe piece of Dirt.
213 00:14:29,327 00:14:32,829 Jimmy, that dude was trouble waiting to happen. Jimmy, that dude was trouble waiting to happen.
214 00:14:34,123 00:14:38,460 But my girls, man, look at them. They was growing like weeds. But my girls, man, look at them. They was growing like weeds.
215 00:14:38,795 00:14:41,129 Three beautiful flowers. Three beautiful flowers.
216 00:14:41,422 00:14:45,926 Yeah, more flowers than weeds. Forget weeds. They was growin' like flowers. Yeah, more flowers than weeds. Forget weeds. They was growin' like flowers.
217 00:14:46,678 00:14:51,265 But deep down inside, l was feeling like, who was l to be happy, you know? But deep down inside, l was feeling like, who was l to be happy, you know?
218 00:14:51,641 00:14:54,893 'Cause I was always nervous, feeling like it could all go away. 'Cause I was always nervous, feeling like it could all go away.
219 00:14:56,271 00:15:00,315 Turns out l was right to be worried, because soon it all started unraveling on me. Turns out l was right to be worried, because soon it all started unraveling on me.
220 00:15:00,775 00:15:06,071 l got this job as a logger, and one day, it all started coming crashing down on me. l got this job as a logger, and one day, it all started coming crashing down on me.
221 00:15:06,197 00:15:08,031 It came down real bad. It came down real bad.
222 00:15:08,116 00:15:09,408 Eleven-footer. Eleven-footer.
223 00:15:23,381 00:15:25,591 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
224 00:15:28,219 00:15:30,679 Luke l am your logger. Luke l am your logger.
225 00:15:32,473 00:15:35,225 You can't hear it but it was funny. All right here we go. You can't hear it but it was funny. All right here we go.
226 00:15:44,694 00:15:45,986 lt's sticking. lt's sticking.
227 00:15:50,074 00:15:51,074 That's lunch. That's lunch.
228 00:15:55,204 00:15:58,206 l think l cut 66 logs so far man. l think l cut 66 logs so far man.
229 00:15:59,375 00:16:01,251 Probably get a good price down at the mill. Probably get a good price down at the mill.
230 00:16:01,836 00:16:03,295 -Hey Dirt? -Yep. -Hey Dirt? -Yep.
231 00:16:03,379 00:16:06,048 -You strong? -You know it. -You strong? -You know it.
232 00:16:08,593 00:16:09,593 Pick that up. Pick that up.
233 00:16:12,722 00:16:15,098 Kinda walked into that one didn't l? Yeah. Kinda walked into that one didn't l? Yeah.
234 00:16:15,183 00:16:18,268 Hey Dirt. You look like Elmer Fudd in that hat. Hey Dirt. You look like Elmer Fudd in that hat.
235 00:16:19,395 00:16:21,396 Shit more like Elmer Fudgepacker. Shit more like Elmer Fudgepacker.
236 00:16:23,232 00:16:27,569 Yeah that guy in the cartoons. Yeah l guess. Looking stupid yeah. Yeah that guy in the cartoons. Yeah l guess. Looking stupid yeah.
237 00:16:28,196 00:16:30,781 l seem to have forgotten my lunchʼ l seem to have forgotten my lunchʼ
238 00:16:30,865 00:16:33,075 maybe you could give me the apple core when you're done with it? maybe you could give me the apple core when you're done with it?
239 00:16:33,910 00:16:35,494 Nah you can't have that boy. Nah you can't have that boy.
240 00:16:37,330 00:16:39,539 l do have something for ya. Here you go. l do have something for ya. Here you go.
241 00:16:44,003 00:16:47,923 Mind if l join ya? l got one for ya. Come on dirty Dirt. Come on. Mind if l join ya? l got one for ya. Come on dirty Dirt. Come on.
242 00:16:48,675 00:16:51,426 l got one. l got one for a face to land on myself. l got one. l got one for a face to land on myself.
243 00:16:54,639 00:16:56,598 A little up close and person... A little up close and person...
244 00:16:57,809 00:17:01,103 Boy that one has got sauerkraut. Boy that one has got sauerkraut.
245 00:17:01,854 00:17:03,855 Hey little logger boy. Hey little logger boy.
246 00:17:04,816 00:17:08,318 Sexy Joe. These boys giving you trouble? Sexy Joe. These boys giving you trouble?
247 00:17:09,237 00:17:12,072 No Missy we're just funning around. No Missy we're just funning around.
248 00:17:12,198 00:17:13,907 Can you keep a secret? Can you keep a secret?
249 00:17:14,575 00:17:17,661 -Yeah l guess so. -Then keep this a secret. -Yeah l guess so. -Then keep this a secret.
250 00:17:26,087 00:17:29,840 That secret had some secret sauce in it. That secret had some secret sauce in it.
251 00:17:30,174 00:17:32,926 How was hers the worst one? Oh man Missy. How was hers the worst one? Oh man Missy.
252 00:17:33,094 00:17:36,263 l still got some meth gas left inside. l still got some meth gas left inside.
253 00:17:39,308 00:17:40,726 Get this guy a paper towel. Get this guy a paper towel.
254 00:17:45,189 00:17:47,941 You're right kraut. Can you read farts boy? You're right kraut. Can you read farts boy?
255 00:17:48,109 00:17:49,985 Tell me what l had for supper last night. Tell me what l had for supper last night.
256 00:17:51,028 00:17:54,322 All right that's it man. 22 times ain't funny no more. All right that's it man. 22 times ain't funny no more.
257 00:17:54,449 00:17:57,826 ls this where you wanna be when Jesus comes back? Fartin' in Joe Dirt's face? ls this where you wanna be when Jesus comes back? Fartin' in Joe Dirt's face?
258 00:17:57,994 00:18:00,662 l will take my chances. l will take my chances.
259 00:18:05,918 00:18:06,918 Daddy? Daddy?
260 00:18:08,880 00:18:10,630 Why are they farting on you? Why are they farting on you?
261 00:18:12,675 00:18:16,553 And right there, it started to dawn on them that their dad, And right there, it started to dawn on them that their dad,
262 00:18:17,138 00:18:21,725 the dad they used to think was Superman, wasn't no Superman. the dad they used to think was Superman, wasn't no Superman.
263 00:18:22,351 00:18:25,812 He was a loser. He was just Joe Dirt. He was a loser. He was just Joe Dirt.
264 00:18:38,117 00:18:39,951 Y'all leave him alone. Y'all leave him alone.
265 00:18:40,036 00:18:44,372 Stop farting into his face or there's more whoop-ass where that came from. Stop farting into his face or there's more whoop-ass where that came from.
266 00:18:44,582 00:18:47,334 -Missy! -What? l have a medical condition. -Missy! -What? l have a medical condition.
267 00:18:47,502 00:18:48,835 Scram girl! Scram girl!
268 00:18:49,545 00:18:50,587 l can't catch a break. l can't catch a break.
269 00:18:52,048 00:18:54,341 Honey are you all right? Honey are you all right?
270 00:18:54,509 00:18:56,843 Yeah Brandy. l can take care of myself. Yeah Brandy. l can take care of myself.
271 00:18:56,928 00:18:58,804 l don't need you kicking these guys' butts for me. l don't need you kicking these guys' butts for me.
272 00:18:58,888 00:19:02,724 l know you can take care of yourself baby. Of course you can. l know you can take care of yourself baby. Of course you can.
273 00:19:10,399 00:19:13,735 And that was it. They saw right through me. And that was it. They saw right through me.
274 00:19:14,612 00:19:17,364 l'm just the boy who was left at the Grand Canyon. l'm just the boy who was left at the Grand Canyon.
275 00:19:18,616 00:19:23,411 Like some empty popsicle wrapperʼ you know? Like cherry or lemon-lime. Like some empty popsicle wrapperʼ you know? Like cherry or lemon-lime.
276 00:19:23,913 00:19:25,580 Orange is another flavor... Orange is another flavor...
277 00:19:26,165 00:19:28,458 You see now l never invented something great. You see now l never invented something great.
278 00:19:28,543 00:19:32,087 l didn't do anything like that. l didn't invent antigravity or l didn't do anything like that. l didn't invent antigravity or
279 00:19:33,172 00:19:37,259 Snausages or them "Back off Jack!" Yosemite Sam mud flaps. Snausages or them "Back off Jack!" Yosemite Sam mud flaps.
280 00:19:37,385 00:19:38,760 Those are cool. l wish l did. Those are cool. l wish l did.
281 00:19:40,513 00:19:43,557 l just thought if l was rich or famousʼ you know then l could make 'em proud l just thought if l was rich or famousʼ you know then l could make 'em proud
282 00:19:43,641 00:19:46,351 and then they'd love me for real. and then they'd love me for real.
283 00:19:46,435 00:19:51,398 Joe that's ridiculous! You love themʼ they love you. Go tell them it'll be fine. Joe that's ridiculous! You love themʼ they love you. Go tell them it'll be fine.
284 00:19:51,899 00:19:52,899 l can't. l can't.
285 00:19:53,359 00:19:55,777 'Cause everything just went awayʼ like l knew it would. 'Cause everything just went awayʼ like l knew it would.
286 00:19:56,863 00:20:01,616 You know one time when l was growing upʼ l was in one of my many foster homes You know one time when l was growing upʼ l was in one of my many foster homes
287 00:20:01,868 00:20:03,451 and they had a guy come speak to usʼ and they had a guy come speak to usʼ
288 00:20:03,953 00:20:06,288 and he was super smartʼ he was wearing glasses and everything. and he was super smartʼ he was wearing glasses and everything.
289 00:20:07,248 00:20:09,791 He said something that stuck with meʼ l'll never forget it. He said something that stuck with meʼ l'll never forget it.
290 00:20:10,167 00:20:13,753 He said "Revolutions never happen in countries where things get so bad He said "Revolutions never happen in countries where things get so bad
291 00:20:13,838 00:20:15,630 "that people can't take it anymore." "that people can't take it anymore."
292 00:20:16,007 00:20:19,634 No. "Revolutions happen when things just get a little bit better." No. "Revolutions happen when things just get a little bit better."
293 00:20:20,636 00:20:22,846 People get a taste of what they've been missing. People get a taste of what they've been missing.
294 00:20:23,431 00:20:24,431 And l got that. And l got that.
295 00:20:25,266 00:20:27,475 l got my family and now it's gone. l got my family and now it's gone.
296 00:20:28,144 00:20:32,063 -Gone what happened? -Well this is the part of the story -Gone what happened? -Well this is the part of the story
297 00:20:32,857 00:20:34,190 where it gets really weird. where it gets really weird.
298 00:20:36,819 00:20:39,738 There was a storm coming. Man, a big storm. There was a storm coming. Man, a big storm.
299 00:20:40,114 00:20:42,449 A "mess up your hair really bad" storm. A "mess up your hair really bad" storm.
300 00:20:43,326 00:20:47,120 Get into the basement. Come on! Cover your eyes! Get into the basement. Come on! Cover your eyes!
301 00:20:47,204 00:20:49,331 -lt's all going to be okay! -Cover your eyes! -lt's all going to be okay! -Cover your eyes!
302 00:20:49,457 00:20:51,833 -Come on girls. -Basement. Go babe. -Come on girls. -Basement. Go babe.
303 00:20:51,918 00:20:53,919 Come on babies hurry. Come on babies hurry.
304 00:20:54,003 00:20:58,173 -Daddy l'm scared. -lt's just wind. l know baby it's just wind. -Daddy l'm scared. -lt's just wind. l know baby it's just wind.
305 00:20:58,257 00:21:02,052 Daddy my princess tiara. l left it in the trailer. Daddy my princess tiara. l left it in the trailer.
306 00:21:02,136 00:21:06,348 -lt's okay. lt'll be there tomorrow honey. -But it was a birthday present from Daddy. -lt's okay. lt'll be there tomorrow honey. -But it was a birthday present from Daddy.
307 00:21:12,563 00:21:14,606 -l'll go get it. -No. Don't go. -l'll go get it. -No. Don't go.
308 00:21:14,690 00:21:17,984 l'll get it. lt's okay baby. l'm Superman. l'll be back. l'll get it. lt's okay baby. l'm Superman. l'll be back.
309 00:21:18,152 00:21:21,029 Daddy be careful. We love you! Daddy be careful. We love you!
310 00:21:21,864 00:21:23,490 Be careful Joe. Be careful Joe.
311 00:21:26,369 00:21:28,203 Come on. Hurry! Come on. Hurry!
312 00:21:40,633 00:21:42,634 Dang that twister's getting close! Dang that twister's getting close!
313 00:21:43,386 00:21:45,095 Yeah this one is for real. Yeah this one is for real.
314 00:21:45,471 00:21:48,807 Please don't scratch my car! Please don't scratch my car!
315 00:21:51,435 00:21:52,727 Hi Daddy. Hi Daddy.
316 00:21:55,106 00:21:57,023 Girls what happened to the storm? Girls what happened to the storm?
317 00:21:57,149 00:22:02,362 What are you talking about loser? Go make us some cash like Kanye. What are you talking about loser? Go make us some cash like Kanye.
318 00:22:02,655 00:22:04,239 Treat us like North. Treat us like North.
319 00:22:13,416 00:22:14,416 Cow? Cow?
320 00:22:44,530 00:22:47,073 Sock him in the jaw. He's all yours. He's all yours. Sock him in the jaw. He's all yours. He's all yours.
321 00:22:47,158 00:22:49,576 Back him up back him up. Knock him down. Back him up back him up. Knock him down.
322 00:22:49,660 00:22:53,913 l'm gonna whup you 'til you ain't nothin' but loose bones and loose change... l'm gonna whup you 'til you ain't nothin' but loose bones and loose change...
323 00:22:58,461 00:22:59,836 Oh crap. Oh crap.
324 00:23:09,430 00:23:12,140 You see that? Y'all see what happened? You see that? Y'all see what happened?
325 00:23:12,433 00:23:15,894 A trailer come out of the skyʼ and lands on Lucky Louie. A trailer come out of the skyʼ and lands on Lucky Louie.
326 00:23:16,645 00:23:19,564 Lucky Louie's dead. That could have been any one of us. Lucky Louie's dead. That could have been any one of us.
327 00:23:23,319 00:23:25,236 What happened? What happened?
328 00:23:27,031 00:23:31,034 You done killed the most vicious leader to ever head up the Smokin' Jokers. You done killed the most vicious leader to ever head up the Smokin' Jokers.
329 00:23:32,328 00:23:35,830 You killed Lucky Louie with just one house. You killed Lucky Louie with just one house.
330 00:23:36,582 00:23:40,543 No no man. l didn't kill nobody. l was spinning in the twister No no man. l didn't kill nobody. l was spinning in the twister
331 00:23:41,170 00:23:44,339 -and it was a bad storm it threw me. -What storm? -and it was a bad storm it threw me. -What storm?
332 00:23:46,383 00:23:49,844 lt was black clouds now it's all tweet-tweet. l don't know what happened. lt was black clouds now it's all tweet-tweet. l don't know what happened.
333 00:23:50,346 00:23:53,681 You killed Lucky Louie and now you're our new leader. You killed Lucky Louie and now you're our new leader.
334 00:23:54,558 00:23:56,226 Long as you wear theseʼ Long as you wear theseʼ
335 00:23:57,103 00:23:59,979 we go where you goʼ and we ride where you ride. we go where you goʼ and we ride where you ride.
336 00:24:00,981 00:24:04,317 Oh man these are nice. The ruby's a little fruity but l'll take them. Oh man these are nice. The ruby's a little fruity but l'll take them.
337 00:24:04,485 00:24:07,070 Name's Foggle. What's your name brother? Name's Foggle. What's your name brother?
338 00:24:07,696 00:24:11,157 Joe. Joe Dirt. Joe Dirtay. Joe. Joe Dirt. Joe Dirtay.
339 00:24:11,367 00:24:12,408 Which is it? Which is it?
340 00:24:12,701 00:24:15,411 -Joe Dirt. -You all hear that? -Joe Dirt. -You all hear that?
341 00:24:15,913 00:24:19,499 -All hail Joe Dirt. -All hail Joe Dirt. -All hail Joe Dirt. -All hail Joe Dirt.
342 00:24:20,543 00:24:22,710 You guys ain't gonna fart on me are you? You guys ain't gonna fart on me are you?
343 00:24:24,880 00:24:27,966 Long story short we stomped those three dudes so badʼ Long story short we stomped those three dudes so badʼ
344 00:24:28,050 00:24:30,468 they got to take their boots off to piss. they got to take their boots off to piss.
345 00:24:33,514 00:24:36,182 Anyway that kinda ass-kicking fun is an everyday thing for us Anyway that kinda ass-kicking fun is an everyday thing for us
346 00:24:36,267 00:24:39,769 and now you get to tell us who to kickʼ and in which ass. and now you get to tell us who to kickʼ and in which ass.
347 00:24:42,439 00:24:43,481 All right man. All right man.
348 00:24:43,566 00:24:46,401 Well kind of like monkey seeʼ monkey do l like that. Well kind of like monkey seeʼ monkey do l like that.
349 00:24:46,735 00:24:50,780 Okay. How about this? l need a vetʼ 'cause these puppies are sick. Okay. How about this? l need a vetʼ 'cause these puppies are sick.
350 00:24:51,240 00:24:53,950 l need a vetʼ 'cause these puppies are sick. l need a vetʼ 'cause these puppies are sick.
351 00:24:55,995 00:24:57,871 Not bad l'm a good leader. Not bad l'm a good leader.
352 00:24:58,122 00:24:59,622 But l'm actually not. l'm no good. But l'm actually not. l'm no good.
353 00:24:59,707 00:25:03,418 l know l couldn't lead a colony of ants to a melting Hershey Bar to be honestʼ l know l couldn't lead a colony of ants to a melting Hershey Bar to be honestʼ
354 00:25:03,544 00:25:04,544 believe me l've tried. believe me l've tried.
355 00:25:04,920 00:25:06,671 But l do have three daughters l want you to meet. But l do have three daughters l want you to meet.
356 00:25:06,755 00:25:09,924 l've got a pretty wife l'll bring her down. We'll all have fun maybe brunch. l've got a pretty wife l'll bring her down. We'll all have fun maybe brunch.
357 00:25:10,009 00:25:12,427 And by the way you knowʼ all the kids stuff blah blah. And by the way you knowʼ all the kids stuff blah blah.
358 00:25:12,511 00:25:15,638 So no talking about fightingʼ and drinking and spittingʼ So no talking about fightingʼ and drinking and spittingʼ
359 00:25:15,764 00:25:18,266 and punching and kicking you get it. 'Cause you knowʼ and punching and kicking you get it. 'Cause you knowʼ
360 00:25:18,350 00:25:21,269 that kind of violent imagery for a childʼ l don't want. that kind of violent imagery for a childʼ l don't want.
361 00:25:21,478 00:25:26,482 Besides this is the year 201 5 l don't know about even a motorcycle "gang" fighting... Besides this is the year 201 5 l don't know about even a motorcycle "gang" fighting...
362 00:25:26,567 00:25:30,612 "201 5"? lt's not 201 5. lt's 1 965. "201 5"? lt's not 201 5. lt's 1 965.
363 00:25:31,906 00:25:35,283 No l'm sayin' now is 201 5 June 201 5. No l'm sayin' now is 201 5 June 201 5.
364 00:25:35,618 00:25:40,455 No it's definitely Juneʼ but it ain't no 201 5 Mr. Dirt. No it's definitely Juneʼ but it ain't no 201 5 Mr. Dirt.
365 00:25:41,123 00:25:43,124 This is June 1 965. This is June 1 965.
366 00:25:43,584 00:25:47,295 June 1 965? Well if that's true l'd be running around in diapies that's when l was born. June 1 965? Well if that's true l'd be running around in diapies that's when l was born.
367 00:25:47,755 00:25:49,214 l don't got no diapies on. l don't got no diapies on.
368 00:25:49,506 00:25:52,634 But anyway l like it hereʼ and l wanna meet everybody. But anyway l like it hereʼ and l wanna meet everybody.
369 00:25:52,718 00:25:54,802 And l think as a new leaderʼ l'm gonna name everybody. And l think as a new leaderʼ l'm gonna name everybody.
370 00:25:55,095 00:25:59,098 'Cause you know gangs have nicknames. l think that's fun. l'm gonna start in the back. 'Cause you know gangs have nicknames. l think that's fun. l'm gonna start in the back.
371 00:25:59,642 00:26:02,894 You think l'm ignoring you? Back there you got sort of a beak You think l'm ignoring you? Back there you got sort of a beak
372 00:26:03,395 00:26:06,522 on your nose like a little bit like a bird. on your nose like a little bit like a bird.
373 00:26:06,690 00:26:09,817 What's a funny bird name? "Bird" is not that's too uninteresting. What's a funny bird name? "Bird" is not that's too uninteresting.
374 00:26:10,194 00:26:15,073 A mean one is vulture. You're Vulture from now on if anyone asks you okay? A mean one is vulture. You're Vulture from now on if anyone asks you okay?
375 00:26:15,157 00:26:16,616 Let's look around the room. Let's look around the room.
376 00:26:16,700 00:26:20,536 All right here we goʼ there's Mean Marvin No Soap Samʼ All right here we goʼ there's Mean Marvin No Soap Samʼ
377 00:26:20,704 00:26:24,707 Douche Bag Jolly Mean Giant Church Burner Fruit Loop Palm Treeʼ Douche Bag Jolly Mean Giant Church Burner Fruit Loop Palm Treeʼ
378 00:26:24,792 00:26:28,670 Crazy Eyes Dopey lnky more like Stinky. Crazy Eyes Dopey lnky more like Stinky.
379 00:26:30,381 00:26:33,883 We got Pillow Biter Reload No Nutʼ We got Pillow Biter Reload No Nutʼ
380 00:26:34,176 00:26:38,263 Momma Hates You Gooey Load Queefieʼ Momma Hates You Gooey Load Queefieʼ
381 00:26:38,514 00:26:41,516 Jock Strap Jonny okay Tea-Bagger Vanceʼ Jock Strap Jonny okay Tea-Bagger Vanceʼ
382 00:26:41,684 00:26:42,684 Nucky Futzʼ Nucky Futzʼ
383 00:26:43,018 00:26:47,480 Charlie Dog Super Dumb there's Going to Hell there's Gary. Charlie Dog Super Dumb there's Going to Hell there's Gary.
384 00:26:48,440 00:26:52,277 Con Artist Connie One Eye Two Eyeʼ Con Artist Connie One Eye Two Eyeʼ
385 00:26:52,528 00:26:54,529 Two Eyes is no good. Everybody has two eyes right? Two Eyes is no good. Everybody has two eyes right?
386 00:26:54,655 00:26:58,783 l'm running out. Porn Stash Little Killer Medium Killerʼ l'm running out. Porn Stash Little Killer Medium Killerʼ
387 00:26:58,867 00:27:03,746 Flat Ass Boogie Oogie Cherʼ Mitch the Bitch Knee Caps No Teeth. Flat Ass Boogie Oogie Cherʼ Mitch the Bitch Knee Caps No Teeth.
388 00:27:03,831 00:27:07,792 -Knock knock. Who's there? You're Ugly. -"Ugly"? -Knock knock. Who's there? You're Ugly. -"Ugly"?
389 00:27:07,876 00:27:09,877 That whole thing is your nickname. That whole thing is your nickname.
390 00:27:10,004 00:27:14,882 And you are l forgot you Foggle. How about Lead Singer of Blue Oyster Cult. And you are l forgot you Foggle. How about Lead Singer of Blue Oyster Cult.
391 00:27:15,092 00:27:18,636 You'll get that one. That's funny. You seen him? You get it good. You'll get that one. That's funny. You seen him? You get it good.
392 00:27:18,721 00:27:21,014 Maybe the bass player it's exact. Maybe the bass player it's exact.
393 00:27:21,098 00:27:24,976 Anyway as your new leaderʼ l command ye to roll up your sleevesʼ Anyway as your new leaderʼ l command ye to roll up your sleevesʼ
394 00:27:25,060 00:27:28,479 and let's do some charity work. Let's do some good for once you know? and let's do some charity work. Let's do some good for once you know?
395 00:27:28,731 00:27:32,775 Let's get out there and help because that's where we wanna be when Jesus comes back. Let's get out there and help because that's where we wanna be when Jesus comes back.
396 00:27:33,027 00:27:35,069 Who's with me? Come on now let's do this. Who's with me? Come on now let's do this.
397 00:27:39,575 00:27:41,075 You hear that everybody? You hear that everybody?
398 00:27:42,911 00:27:45,747 That little queer wants us to help people in need. That little queer wants us to help people in need.
399 00:27:46,081 00:27:47,081 Yeah? Yeah?
400 00:27:49,376 00:27:54,005 ls that queer man? ls that queer? Think this is queer? ls that queer man? ls that queer? Think this is queer?
401 00:27:54,173 00:27:55,173 Yes. Yes.
402 00:27:55,841 00:27:56,841 What? What?
403 00:27:57,176 00:27:58,968 Well next time don't make it a question. Well next time don't make it a question.
404 00:27:59,261 00:28:00,845 You're all like "ls this queer?" You're all like "ls this queer?"
405 00:28:01,013 00:28:03,598 So that just walks you right into the answerʼ which is yes. So that just walks you right into the answerʼ which is yes.
406 00:28:04,099 00:28:05,683 Just make it a statement dumbass. Just make it a statement dumbass.
407 00:28:06,935 00:28:09,437 Yeah? What about... Yeah? What about...
408 00:28:10,397 00:28:13,066 Yeah hey Foggle you're strong. Yeah hey Foggle you're strong.
409 00:28:13,692 00:28:17,487 Strong smellin' yeah. Got ya hold 'em up. Hold 'em up. Strong smellin' yeah. Got ya hold 'em up. Hold 'em up.
410 00:28:17,780 00:28:19,697 -Got ya good. -lt took you that long to think of that? -Got ya good. -lt took you that long to think of that?
411 00:28:20,866 00:28:23,201 To be honest l thought of it about a week ago and then To be honest l thought of it about a week ago and then
412 00:28:24,286 00:28:26,120 l've been waiting to use it. l've been waiting to use it.
413 00:28:26,288 00:28:28,206 But l didn't think l would. lt's been in the chamber loaded upʼ But l didn't think l would. lt's been in the chamber loaded upʼ
414 00:28:28,290 00:28:29,957 and guess who got it? You. and guess who got it? You.
415 00:28:30,584 00:28:32,668 Guess what else? l got your boots. Guess what else? l got your boots.
416 00:28:32,836 00:28:35,046 You think you're gonna get 'em back? Not quite termite. You think you're gonna get 'em back? Not quite termite.
417 00:28:35,130 00:28:38,007 -Give us those boots. -l'm running away. Good luck catching me. -Give us those boots. -l'm running away. Good luck catching me.
418 00:28:38,133 00:28:39,384 Which way am l going? Which way am l going?
419 00:28:40,594 00:28:41,594 Get back here! Get back here!
420 00:28:42,304 00:28:44,972 You ain't man enough to wear those boots. You know that Joe Dirt. You ain't man enough to wear those boots. You know that Joe Dirt.
421 00:28:45,099 00:28:47,517 You ain't nothing. You know that in your heart. You ain't nothing. You know that in your heart.
422 00:28:47,601 00:28:51,187 We will track you to the gates of hell. We will track you to the gates of hell.
423 00:28:51,939 00:28:52,939 -Let's go. -Yeah. -Let's go. -Yeah.
424 00:28:55,234 00:28:56,234 Stupid Foggle. Stupid Foggle.
425 00:28:57,277 00:29:01,280 What a dumb name. He needs a cool nameʼ like Joe Dirtay. What a dumb name. He needs a cool nameʼ like Joe Dirtay.
426 00:29:02,366 00:29:04,158 Hey Foggle. Hey Foggle.
427 00:29:05,035 00:29:06,369 Why don't you go play Boggle? Why don't you go play Boggle?
428 00:29:06,703 00:29:09,622 God dang that's so funnyʼ why didn't l say it? God dang that's so funnyʼ why didn't l say it?
429 00:29:10,332 00:29:11,499 l think of all the good ones too late. l think of all the good ones too late.
430 00:29:12,501 00:29:15,128 Well l got my tennis shoesʼ and his stupid boots! Well l got my tennis shoesʼ and his stupid boots!
431 00:29:16,004 00:29:17,422 Well l don't need these sneakers no more. Well l don't need these sneakers no more.
432 00:29:20,342 00:29:21,509 Fetch that Boggle! Fetch that Boggle!
433 00:29:21,885 00:29:24,637 Man it usually takes me 27 times. Nice. Man it usually takes me 27 times. Nice.
434 00:29:24,930 00:29:29,851 Hey how come ya threw your sneakers up over that power line? Hey how come ya threw your sneakers up over that power line?
435 00:29:31,353 00:29:34,105 -Why? You've never seen that before? -No silly head! -Why? You've never seen that before? -No silly head!
436 00:29:35,858 00:29:37,233 Silly head 1 965. Silly head 1 965.
437 00:29:37,526 00:29:40,862 l must've travelled through some sort of vortex and tumbled through timeʼ l must've travelled through some sort of vortex and tumbled through timeʼ
438 00:29:41,321 00:29:42,321 like a time traveler. like a time traveler.
439 00:29:42,990 00:29:44,031 l don't know what's happening. l don't know what's happening.
440 00:29:44,491 00:29:46,784 But l'll tell ya that happens in the future. But l'll tell ya that happens in the future.
441 00:29:47,119 00:29:49,954 We find out carbs are bad for yaʼ just a heads up. We find out carbs are bad for yaʼ just a heads up.
442 00:29:50,038 00:29:52,874 Hey. You really from the future? Hey. You really from the future?
443 00:29:53,208 00:29:54,208 Yeah man. Yeah man.
444 00:29:54,501 00:29:57,670 Maybe you should move down to Louisianaʼ help me start my fishing business! Maybe you should move down to Louisianaʼ help me start my fishing business!
445 00:29:58,130 00:30:00,423 You and l together man we could catch a lot of shrimp! You and l together man we could catch a lot of shrimp!
446 00:30:00,883 00:30:05,553 l mean there's rock shrimp Atlantic shrimpʼ salt shrimp boo-boo shrimp tater shrimpʼ l mean there's rock shrimp Atlantic shrimpʼ salt shrimp boo-boo shrimp tater shrimpʼ
447 00:30:05,721 00:30:09,348 shrimp on a stick shrimp remoulade shrimp in your pasta you know what fuck shrimp! shrimp on a stick shrimp remoulade shrimp in your pasta you know what fuck shrimp!
448 00:30:09,766 00:30:12,310 Okay so no on the shrimp biz? Okay so no on the shrimp biz?
449 00:30:12,394 00:30:14,479 What's the situation with your hair? What's the situation with your hair?
450 00:30:14,646 00:30:15,897 Did l call your number? Did l call your number?
451 00:30:16,398 00:30:17,565 Are we in a deli? Are we in a deli?
452 00:30:17,733 00:30:20,067 We are not. And l did not. Goodbye. We are not. And l did not. Goodbye.
453 00:30:21,111 00:30:22,945 Did you call number three yet? Did you call number three yet?
454 00:30:23,280 00:30:26,616 Did l call number... No that was a metaphorʼ this ain't really a bakery man. Did l call number... No that was a metaphorʼ this ain't really a bakery man.
455 00:30:26,992 00:30:29,452 Yeah l know. l was just patiently waiting my turn. Yeah l know. l was just patiently waiting my turn.
456 00:30:29,620 00:30:32,079 You see that? He's patiently waiting his turn all right? You see that? He's patiently waiting his turn all right?
457 00:30:32,414 00:30:34,582 That's nice instead of yelling out nonsense. That's nice instead of yelling out nonsense.
458 00:30:34,708 00:30:37,084 Yeah one day l'm gonna dig a hole. Yeah one day l'm gonna dig a hole.
459 00:30:38,086 00:30:39,170 Well that's great man. Well that's great man.
460 00:30:39,671 00:30:42,006 See there you go. You're gonna have a great big hole. See there you go. You're gonna have a great big hole.
461 00:30:42,090 00:30:44,467 lt's gonna be the biggest oneʼ and l'm glad you're setting goals. lt's gonna be the biggest oneʼ and l'm glad you're setting goals.
462 00:30:44,760 00:30:46,427 lt's gonna be in my living room. lt's gonna be in my living room.
463 00:30:47,679 00:30:49,889 Yeah well you had meʼ then you lost me there. Yeah well you had meʼ then you lost me there.
464 00:30:50,390 00:30:52,558 -Are you married? -l am married. Now that's a normal question. -Are you married? -l am married. Now that's a normal question.
465 00:30:52,643 00:30:55,353 -l'm married to Brandy. She's sweet. -Wait a minute. -l'm married to Brandy. She's sweet. -Wait a minute.
466 00:30:55,938 00:30:57,897 ls she like a great big fat person? ls she like a great big fat person?
467 00:30:58,440 00:31:02,485 A great big fat person? She is not. She's about 1 1 5 l'm guessing. A great big fat person? She is not. She's about 1 1 5 l'm guessing.
468 00:31:02,986 00:31:05,530 l really wish those numbers were turned around. l really wish those numbers were turned around.
469 00:31:06,114 00:31:07,448 Like 51 1 ? Like 51 1 ?
470 00:31:07,866 00:31:09,408 Well then she'd be a great big fat person. Well then she'd be a great big fat person.
471 00:31:09,576 00:31:15,540 Yeah no l like her 1 1 5. Anything over likeʼ 400 l'm not super attracted to. Yeah no l like her 1 1 5. Anything over likeʼ 400 l'm not super attracted to.
472 00:31:15,624 00:31:17,291 l'd like to cut her skin offʼ l'd like to cut her skin offʼ
473 00:31:17,709 00:31:22,755 and then sew it together so that l could wear it as a human tracksuit. and then sew it together so that l could wear it as a human tracksuit.
474 00:31:25,133 00:31:29,303 Maybe l'm hearing you wrong it sounds a little not normal what you're saying? Maybe l'm hearing you wrong it sounds a little not normal what you're saying?
475 00:31:29,596 00:31:30,596 My name's Bob. My name's Bob.
476 00:31:31,473 00:31:34,642 lf l had any friendsʼ they'd call me Buffalo Bob. lf l had any friendsʼ they'd call me Buffalo Bob.
477 00:31:35,644 00:31:39,272 Why don't you give me a call if your wife ever becomes a great big fat person? Why don't you give me a call if your wife ever becomes a great big fat person?
478 00:31:39,481 00:31:41,732 Buffalo Bob that sounds... Buffalo Bob that sounds...
479 00:31:42,818 00:31:45,653 You have no idea what kind of hell l can bring you! You have no idea what kind of hell l can bring you!
480 00:31:46,572 00:31:49,407 All right enough you broken record! All right enough you broken record!
481 00:31:49,491 00:31:50,825 Does what it's told! Does what it's told!
482 00:31:50,909 00:31:53,661 Say it don't spray it brother! Dang. Say it don't spray it brother! Dang.
483 00:31:54,037 00:31:55,037 Buffalo Bob! Buffalo Bob!
484 00:31:55,497 00:31:56,497 Man! Man!
485 00:31:56,873 00:31:58,666 Was that all in my living room? Was that all in my living room?
486 00:31:58,792 00:32:00,126 'Cause that's step one. 'Cause that's step one.
487 00:32:00,669 00:32:03,546 Gotta run. There's a huge crazy party behind that shed. Gotta run. There's a huge crazy party behind that shed.
488 00:32:03,755 00:32:05,673 You can go there's three tickets left. You can go there's three tickets left.
489 00:32:09,094 00:32:10,094 What are you up to? What are you up to?
490 00:32:12,681 00:32:14,015 "Genghis Khan." "Genghis Khan."
491 00:32:15,517 00:32:16,684 Genghis Khan what? Genghis Khan what?
492 00:32:29,239 00:32:30,865 lt's a comic book store? lt's a comic book store?
493 00:32:32,284 00:32:35,202 lf l'm back in time l could maybe buy... lf l'm back in time l could maybe buy...
494 00:32:38,874 00:32:39,874 ls that Brandy? ls that Brandy?
495 00:32:41,001 00:32:42,001 Brandy! Brandy!
496 00:33:04,733 00:33:06,233 Like a beaut. Like a beaut.
497 00:33:10,739 00:33:12,198 You got that $5 you owe me? You got that $5 you owe me?
498 00:33:13,575 00:33:16,911 See l was thinking you know since we're both seniors nowʼ See l was thinking you know since we're both seniors nowʼ
499 00:33:17,829 00:33:21,290 maybe it's time we you know... maybe it's time we you know...
500 00:33:22,084 00:33:24,543 Wait a second. l think l see Jill. Wait a second. l think l see Jill.
501 00:33:25,253 00:33:28,381 l've gotta go talk to her. She needs help with her homework. l've gotta go talk to her. She needs help with her homework.
502 00:33:28,715 00:33:29,715 All right. All right.
503 00:33:30,092 00:33:33,052 Homework is important. l'll be here waiting. Homework is important. l'll be here waiting.
504 00:33:35,263 00:33:36,263 Like always. Like always.
505 00:33:39,267 00:33:42,395 Wow. That was a total red light. Wow. That was a total red light.
506 00:33:42,771 00:33:45,106 She gave you nothing but brake fluid. You're smothered in it. She gave you nothing but brake fluid. You're smothered in it.
507 00:33:45,440 00:33:46,524 So funny l forgot to laugh. So funny l forgot to laugh.
508 00:33:47,609 00:33:50,319 Guess it's time to try the old "Popcorn Surprise." Guess it's time to try the old "Popcorn Surprise."
509 00:33:50,946 00:33:51,946 What's a "Popcorn Surprise"? What's a "Popcorn Surprise"?
510 00:33:52,781 00:33:53,823 Listen up here's the skinny. Listen up here's the skinny.
511 00:33:54,825 00:33:57,618 See l put a hole through the bottom of a large tub of popcorn. See l put a hole through the bottom of a large tub of popcorn.
512 00:33:57,953 00:33:58,953 Does the popcorn fall out? Does the popcorn fall out?
513 00:33:59,663 00:34:01,414 l don't know it doesn't matter all right? l don't know it doesn't matter all right?
514 00:34:01,707 00:34:06,669 After l cut the hole throughʼ l put my thingy up through the hole. After l cut the hole throughʼ l put my thingy up through the hole.
515 00:34:06,962 00:34:09,422 Wait hold on now fella you lost me. What's a thingy? Wait hold on now fella you lost me. What's a thingy?
516 00:34:09,589 00:34:11,048 Get smart and get smart fast! Get smart and get smart fast!
517 00:34:11,466 00:34:13,175 That thing you use to go number one? That thing you use to go number one?
518 00:34:14,302 00:34:16,595 So that's what keeps the popcorn from falling out. So that's what keeps the popcorn from falling out.
519 00:34:16,680 00:34:17,680 Makes sense. Makes sense.
520 00:34:17,764 00:34:19,181 l guess so but that's not the point. l guess so but that's not the point.
521 00:34:19,474 00:34:23,644 All right? Anyways after l get my thingy stuck up through the holeʼ All right? Anyways after l get my thingy stuck up through the holeʼ
522 00:34:23,979 00:34:28,149 she reaches to grab the popcornʼ presto! Handful of thingy! she reaches to grab the popcornʼ presto! Handful of thingy!
523 00:34:29,943 00:34:31,610 -That's cool. -Spread the word around. -That's cool. -Spread the word around.
524 00:34:32,320 00:34:34,280 -lt's gonna be classic. -Yeah all right all right! -lt's gonna be classic. -Yeah all right all right!
525 00:34:34,364 00:34:35,364 Go go go! Go go go!
526 00:34:36,950 00:34:38,909 So he finally made his move on you? So he finally made his move on you?
527 00:34:39,161 00:34:45,249 Yeah he's sweet but l don't have those kind of feelings for him. Yeah he's sweet but l don't have those kind of feelings for him.
528 00:34:46,084 00:34:47,835 You need to check your temperature girlʼ You need to check your temperature girlʼ
529 00:34:47,919 00:34:50,337 because he's the most dreamiest boy in school. because he's the most dreamiest boy in school.
530 00:34:50,422 00:34:54,884 Brandy hey sorry. l just ran five miles chasing you! Brandy hey sorry. l just ran five miles chasing you!
531 00:34:55,552 00:34:56,552 What are you doing here? What are you doing here?
532 00:34:57,721 00:34:59,555 What are you wearing? That looks funny. What are you wearing? That looks funny.
533 00:35:00,223 00:35:01,515 l'm sorry do l know you? l'm sorry do l know you?
534 00:35:02,392 00:35:04,852 -Brandy! -And my name isn't Brandy. -Brandy! -And my name isn't Brandy.
535 00:35:05,812 00:35:06,812 l'm Ashleen. l'm Ashleen.
536 00:35:07,063 00:35:09,774 Well if it's 1 965 and you're Ashleen... Well if it's 1 965 and you're Ashleen...
537 00:35:09,858 00:35:13,569 Yeah it's 1 965 strange-o. What about it you freaky guy? Yeah it's 1 965 strange-o. What about it you freaky guy?
538 00:35:14,279 00:35:16,697 Oh my God are you Brandy's mom? Oh my God are you Brandy's mom?
539 00:35:18,784 00:35:22,578 l don't know what you're sayin' but l have always liked the name Brandy. l don't know what you're sayin' but l have always liked the name Brandy.
540 00:35:23,121 00:35:24,955 l could see me namin' a daughter that. l could see me namin' a daughter that.
541 00:35:25,207 00:35:27,374 Yeah you can 'cause you... Yeah you can 'cause you...
542 00:35:28,251 00:35:31,253 Why are you talkin' to our girls and what's the deal with your hair you weirdo? Why are you talkin' to our girls and what's the deal with your hair you weirdo?
543 00:35:31,588 00:35:33,172 Yeah show him your muscles fellas. Yeah show him your muscles fellas.
544 00:35:33,298 00:35:35,132 Maybe he'll scram. And scram fast. Maybe he'll scram. And scram fast.
545 00:35:36,051 00:35:37,051 Check this out. Check this out.
546 00:35:37,636 00:35:38,636 Do you even lift? Do you even lift?
547 00:35:41,765 00:35:45,351 Listen l better go because these guys are getting a little cranky. Listen l better go because these guys are getting a little cranky.
548 00:35:45,644 00:35:49,355 All right? So listen Ashleenʼ l think l came here to the past All right? So listen Ashleenʼ l think l came here to the past
549 00:35:49,481 00:35:52,233 to fix something about myself you know? to fix something about myself you know?
550 00:35:52,317 00:35:55,486 So l deserve the daughter that you're gonna have one day. So l deserve the daughter that you're gonna have one day.
551 00:35:57,489 00:36:00,574 -l don't know what you mean. -l don't know either. -l don't know what you mean. -l don't know either.
552 00:36:01,034 00:36:03,911 And by the way do not eat Jimmy's popcorn okay? And by the way do not eat Jimmy's popcorn okay?
553 00:36:04,371 00:36:08,207 "Jimmy"? No his name is Rory. "Jimmy"? No his name is Rory.
554 00:36:08,583 00:36:09,583 Rory Yauch. Rory Yauch.
555 00:36:10,085 00:36:15,130 Fudge! That's Jimmy's dad! Man this shit just got officially weird. Fudge! That's Jimmy's dad! Man this shit just got officially weird.
556 00:36:15,215 00:36:18,092 Hey you watch your languageʼ buddy boy fella! Hey you watch your languageʼ buddy boy fella!
557 00:36:18,593 00:36:19,844 You want a big bar of soap in your mouth? You want a big bar of soap in your mouth?
558 00:36:20,262 00:36:21,262 Hey are you a vet? Hey are you a vet?
559 00:36:21,888 00:36:23,222 'Cause these puppies are sick. 'Cause these puppies are sick.
560 00:36:23,849 00:36:27,434 Yeah you like that one? Talk to the fistʼ 'cause the hand is pissed. Yeah you like that one? Talk to the fistʼ 'cause the hand is pissed.
561 00:36:27,644 00:36:30,437 Those are from the future! You just got futurized. Those are from the future! You just got futurized.
562 00:36:30,689 00:36:33,107 You got a burn and it came down from the future and got you. You got a burn and it came down from the future and got you.
563 00:36:33,400 00:36:36,944 You're a little dazed right now it'll go away. But don't fight it just... You're a little dazed right now it'll go away. But don't fight it just...
564 00:36:37,445 00:36:39,321 Hey he's gonna give you the "Popcorn Surprise." Hey he's gonna give you the "Popcorn Surprise."
565 00:36:40,031 00:36:41,407 What's a "Popcorn Surprise"? What's a "Popcorn Surprise"?
566 00:36:41,825 00:36:44,034 l'll give you a hint it's more surprise than popcorn okay? l'll give you a hint it's more surprise than popcorn okay?
567 00:36:44,119 00:36:46,287 Just promise me you don't put your hand in that cup all right? Just promise me you don't put your hand in that cup all right?
568 00:36:47,163 00:36:48,664 Just think of me as your guardian angelʼ all right? Just think of me as your guardian angelʼ all right?
569 00:36:49,708 00:36:51,667 Looking out for the love of my life. Looking out for the love of my life.
570 00:36:52,919 00:36:53,919 Bye! Bye!
571 00:37:01,803 00:37:04,597 How are you son? This movie's a hoot isn't it? How are you son? This movie's a hoot isn't it?
572 00:37:04,890 00:37:06,974 Dad what are you doin' here? Mom! Dad what are you doin' here? Mom!
573 00:37:07,058 00:37:08,058 l want some popcorn. l want some popcorn.
574 00:37:08,143 00:37:09,435 No no! No no!
575 00:37:11,104 00:37:12,438 Don't stop! Don't stop!
576 00:37:15,191 00:37:16,358 Don't stop don't stop! Don't stop don't stop!
577 00:37:17,068 00:37:18,068 l like it. l like it.
578 00:37:18,153 00:37:19,153 Don't stop don't stop! Don't stop don't stop!
579 00:37:19,404 00:37:20,529 lt won't come out! lt won't come out!
580 00:37:21,281 00:37:25,326 Yeah. Yeah.
581 00:37:26,995 00:37:28,078 Oh my God. Oh my God.
582 00:37:38,548 00:37:42,801 Man old comic books in mint condition for 1 0 cents apiece. Man old comic books in mint condition for 1 0 cents apiece.
583 00:37:43,345 00:37:44,345 Not bad. Not bad.
584 00:37:44,596 00:37:47,973 Give Joe Dirt lemonsʼ he gonna make goldenade. Give Joe Dirt lemonsʼ he gonna make goldenade.
585 00:37:49,684 00:37:51,560 Nah lemonade he gonna make lemonade. Nah lemonade he gonna make lemonade.
586 00:37:55,732 00:37:57,232 This must be why l'm here. This must be why l'm here.
587 00:37:58,026 00:37:59,026 To get rich. To get rich.
588 00:37:59,653 00:38:02,738 So my girls will love me for realʼ instead of the loser that l am. So my girls will love me for realʼ instead of the loser that l am.
589 00:38:03,907 00:38:04,907 l'll buy 'em presents. l'll buy 'em presents.
590 00:38:05,533 00:38:06,533 Yeah. Yeah.
591 00:38:06,618 00:38:09,286 This one is gonna buy Abilene braces. This one is gonna buy Abilene braces.
592 00:38:10,622 00:38:13,916 This one's gonna buy braces for Dakota. This one's gonna buy braces for Dakota.
593 00:38:14,793 00:38:17,878 And this one. What can l get Cheyenne? And this one. What can l get Cheyenne?
594 00:38:18,713 00:38:19,713 l can get braces. l can get braces.
595 00:38:20,966 00:38:26,053 And this Brandy you're gonna get a new used car! And this Brandy you're gonna get a new used car!
596 00:38:29,724 00:38:33,727 Don't worry little tree that won't hurt ya. You're gonna grow up big and strong. Don't worry little tree that won't hurt ya. You're gonna grow up big and strong.
597 00:38:34,646 00:38:38,065 Pretty nice. Take that Home Depot. Life's a garden dig it! Pretty nice. Take that Home Depot. Life's a garden dig it!
598 00:38:41,403 00:38:44,863 Well that was easy. Now that l'm rich, l'm gonna get back to my trailer. Well that was easy. Now that l'm rich, l'm gonna get back to my trailer.
599 00:38:45,323 00:38:46,657 'Cause that's where this whole thing started, 'Cause that's where this whole thing started,
600 00:38:46,741 00:38:49,034 and maybe that's where this whole thing ends. and maybe that's where this whole thing ends.
601 00:38:52,580 00:38:53,789 No no no. No no no.
602 00:38:54,666 00:38:56,750 No no no. Crap. No no no. Crap.
603 00:39:04,259 00:39:05,259 Well well well. Well well well.
604 00:39:06,845 00:39:07,928 lf it isn't Joe Dirt. lf it isn't Joe Dirt.
605 00:39:08,471 00:39:09,471 Hey Foggle. Hey Foggle.
606 00:39:09,681 00:39:13,851 Now see when l ride with a man like this guyʼ l got a nice thick phonebook between us. Now see when l ride with a man like this guyʼ l got a nice thick phonebook between us.
607 00:39:13,935 00:39:15,769 Like this thing right here. Like this thing right here.
608 00:39:16,938 00:39:19,106 That way we're not really touching each other. That way we're not really touching each other.
609 00:39:20,108 00:39:21,108 Right. Right.
610 00:39:21,192 00:39:24,695 Now Joe here if he were to ride behind a manʼ Now Joe here if he were to ride behind a manʼ
611 00:39:25,280 00:39:29,908 he probably wouldn't have a phonebook dividing him from the other man. he probably wouldn't have a phonebook dividing him from the other man.
612 00:39:31,578 00:39:35,956 No no no. He would say "No l don't need no phonebook in between usʼ No no no. He would say "No l don't need no phonebook in between usʼ
613 00:39:36,041 00:39:37,958 "because l'd rather be nice and cozy." "because l'd rather be nice and cozy."
614 00:39:41,296 00:39:44,882 Or if he puts something in between him and the other manʼ Or if he puts something in between him and the other manʼ
615 00:39:45,300 00:39:48,635 he would want it to be a little bit thinnerʼ like a magazine. he would want it to be a little bit thinnerʼ like a magazine.
616 00:39:50,472 00:39:52,806 Or like a menu. Or like a menu.
617 00:39:54,434 00:39:57,519 -A really thin menu. -Like a Kleenex. -A really thin menu. -Like a Kleenex.
618 00:40:00,565 00:40:01,940 You wish you'd thought of Kleenex. You wish you'd thought of Kleenex.
619 00:40:02,650 00:40:03,650 l want those boots Joe. l want those boots Joe.
620 00:40:03,943 00:40:05,360 Foggle look what l'm doing. Foggle look what l'm doing.
621 00:40:06,321 00:40:07,279 l'm takin' 'em off. l'm takin' 'em off.
622 00:40:07,363 00:40:08,822 You know you ain't man enough to wear those boots. You know you ain't man enough to wear those boots.
623 00:40:08,907 00:40:10,032 -You give 'em to me boy. -No. -You give 'em to me boy. -No.
624 00:40:10,325 00:40:13,077 What if l unzipped and rubbed 'em on my private parts? What if l unzipped and rubbed 'em on my private parts?
625 00:40:13,995 00:40:15,120 You wouldn't like that! You wouldn't like that!
626 00:40:15,288 00:40:17,081 You don't put that nowhere near your thingy! You don't put that nowhere near your thingy!
627 00:40:17,832 00:40:18,916 That scare you? That scare you?
628 00:40:19,000 00:40:21,710 l'll do it. Yeah l'm crazy l do it! l'll do it. Yeah l'm crazy l do it!
629 00:40:22,587 00:40:27,508 Look here come the police! Too bad 'cause you're the bad guy l'm the good guy. Look here come the police! Too bad 'cause you're the bad guy l'm the good guy.
630 00:40:27,675 00:40:28,675 Hey! Hey!
631 00:40:30,637 00:40:31,595 Are you Joe Dirt? Are you Joe Dirt?
632 00:40:31,679 00:40:35,432 Yeah hey there hi there ho there Officerʼ what is crappenin'? Yeah hey there hi there ho there Officerʼ what is crappenin'?
633 00:40:35,892 00:40:36,892 Figured it was you. Figured it was you.
634 00:40:37,018 00:40:39,353 You had that weird hairdo they said you called a "mullet." You had that weird hairdo they said you called a "mullet."
635 00:40:39,521 00:40:40,896 Yeah that's me. Yeah that's me.
636 00:40:41,856 00:40:44,483 Did you buy comic books with this here money? Did you buy comic books with this here money?
637 00:40:44,609 00:40:46,568 Yeah you know l did that's right. Yeah you know l did that's right.
638 00:40:46,986 00:40:49,154 Well then you're under arrest for using counterfeit money. Well then you're under arrest for using counterfeit money.
639 00:40:49,239 00:40:52,032 What no! lt ain't counterfeitʼ it's future money! What no! lt ain't counterfeitʼ it's future money!
640 00:40:52,408 00:40:53,867 From my future pocket! From my future pocket!
641 00:40:53,993 00:40:55,702 You just tell that to them down at the station. You just tell that to them down at the station.
642 00:40:56,079 00:40:58,622 l'm under arrest so those guys can't kill me now! l'm under arrest so those guys can't kill me now!
643 00:40:59,207 00:41:00,833 -What guys? -Those guys! -What guys? -Those guys!
644 00:41:02,168 00:41:03,794 See ya later l'm innocent sorry! See ya later l'm innocent sorry!
645 00:41:03,878 00:41:05,003 Hey get back here! Hey get back here!
646 00:41:05,088 00:41:06,338 l bumped your car sorry! l bumped your car sorry!
647 00:41:06,589 00:41:07,589 Come on we gotta go get him. Come on we gotta go get him.
648 00:41:07,674 00:41:10,050 Pursuit on foot going west on Hartford. Pursuit on foot going west on Hartford.
649 00:41:10,510 00:41:11,885 lt ain't over Joe Dirt. lt ain't over Joe Dirt.
650 00:41:12,762 00:41:15,139 We're your personal demons from hell! We're your personal demons from hell!
651 00:41:17,183 00:41:18,183 Let's go. Let's go.
652 00:41:18,393 00:41:19,560 Where's my phonebook? Where's my phonebook?
653 00:41:22,897 00:41:26,400 So I was on the lam. They even let the dogs out on me and everything. So I was on the lam. They even let the dogs out on me and everything.
654 00:41:26,568 00:41:29,820 But l got away, man, l pretended to be a scarecrow in a field. But l got away, man, l pretended to be a scarecrow in a field.
655 00:41:30,196 00:41:31,905 Them stupid cops, they never caught me. Them stupid cops, they never caught me.
656 00:41:32,323 00:41:33,407 What about the dogs? What about the dogs?
657 00:41:34,450 00:41:36,410 The dogs l dunno l don't remember. The dogs l dunno l don't remember.
658 00:41:36,703 00:41:38,287 Anyway so there l was on the run. Anyway so there l was on the run.
659 00:41:38,746 00:41:39,913 Escape from the police. Escape from the police.
660 00:41:40,248 00:41:42,332 Police dogs have a real good sense of smell. Police dogs have a real good sense of smell.
661 00:41:42,625 00:41:45,836 Even if you were a scarecrowʼ how could the dogs not find you? Even if you were a scarecrowʼ how could the dogs not find you?
662 00:41:46,337 00:41:47,963 You know they did find meʼ You know they did find meʼ
663 00:41:48,214 00:41:50,591 but l got lucky they just walked away. but l got lucky they just walked away.
664 00:41:51,426 00:41:54,845 How did they just walk away? l mean they just walked away? How did they just walk away? l mean they just walked away?
665 00:41:55,054 00:41:57,931 They knocked me over on the pole on the ground and they just walked away! They knocked me over on the pole on the ground and they just walked away!
666 00:41:58,057 00:41:59,183 l dunno they had dog stuff to do. l dunno they had dog stuff to do.
667 00:41:59,267 00:42:00,517 You're focusing on the wrong part of the story. You're focusing on the wrong part of the story.
668 00:42:00,602 00:42:02,436 l can't imagine. Why would they just walk away? l can't imagine. Why would they just walk away?
669 00:42:02,520 00:42:05,606 God dang with the dogs! Who gives a care? God dang with the dogs! Who gives a care?
670 00:42:06,107 00:42:08,817 The dogs all right you gotta solve the case! The dogs all right you gotta solve the case!
671 00:42:09,277 00:42:11,737 All right they all humped me is that what you wanna know? All right they all humped me is that what you wanna know?
672 00:42:12,030 00:42:16,033 You found it out Nancy Drewʼ you solved the case of the horny dogs. You found it out Nancy Drewʼ you solved the case of the horny dogs.
673 00:42:17,952 00:42:18,952 No no! No no!
674 00:42:24,209 00:42:25,959 Well glad you got a good chuckle out of it. Well glad you got a good chuckle out of it.
675 00:42:27,128 00:42:29,171 lt was terrible l was man's best friend! lt was terrible l was man's best friend!
676 00:42:29,881 00:42:32,132 More like man's best friend with benefits. More like man's best friend with benefits.
677 00:42:32,675 00:42:34,301 l'm sorry l'm sorry. l'm sorry l'm sorry.
678 00:42:34,594 00:42:38,889 l don't know if you started the "dogs like to hump people's legs" fadʼ l don't know if you started the "dogs like to hump people's legs" fadʼ
679 00:42:39,474 00:42:43,310 but think about it you started the shoes on the line and the mullet. but think about it you started the shoes on the line and the mullet.
680 00:42:44,229 00:42:49,483 You know you might be like the white trash Johnny Appleseed. You know you might be like the white trash Johnny Appleseed.
681 00:42:50,235 00:42:51,777 Well maybe. Well maybe.
682 00:42:52,487 00:42:55,572 You know once l extricated myself from the dog pileʼ You know once l extricated myself from the dog pileʼ
683 00:42:55,865 00:42:59,409 they were done basicallyʼ once they got the money shotʼ they were done basicallyʼ once they got the money shotʼ
684 00:42:59,702 00:43:00,786 if you get my driftʼ if you get my driftʼ
685 00:43:01,120 00:43:02,162 which l hope you don't. which l hope you don't.
686 00:43:02,372 00:43:04,456 -God. -Anywayʼ -God. -Anywayʼ
687 00:43:04,540 00:43:06,917 so there l was on the run. l was runnin' through the nightʼ so there l was on the run. l was runnin' through the nightʼ
688 00:43:07,919 00:43:08,919 and you can't believe what l saw. and you can't believe what l saw.
689 00:43:11,631 00:43:12,631 Ruby's. Ruby's.
690 00:43:13,383 00:43:15,342 l like any place that sounds like "boobies." l like any place that sounds like "boobies."
691 00:43:15,677 00:43:16,677 Man. Man.
692 00:43:16,886 00:43:18,262 Where's the crowd when you need 'em? Where's the crowd when you need 'em?
693 00:43:18,513 00:43:20,055 l got some LOLs going. l got some LOLs going.
694 00:43:41,577 00:43:44,538 Man that singer looks like a young Ronnie Van Zant. Man that singer looks like a young Ronnie Van Zant.
695 00:43:49,627 00:43:52,879 Wait. That's Ronnie. Bob. Gary. Wait. That's Ronnie. Bob. Gary.
696 00:43:53,548 00:43:55,132 Oh my God! This is Lynyrd Skynyrd! Oh my God! This is Lynyrd Skynyrd!
697 00:43:55,717 00:43:56,800 Before they were Skynyrd! Before they were Skynyrd!
698 00:43:57,093 00:43:58,385 What? What?
699 00:43:58,636 00:43:59,720 Man! Man!
700 00:44:09,355 00:44:11,940 Man you guys are so good. Man you guys are so good.
701 00:44:12,358 00:44:13,608 So you really dug our sound? So you really dug our sound?
702 00:44:14,902 00:44:18,238 l do think you guys have potential. l do think you guys have potential.
703 00:44:18,448 00:44:20,741 Well cool 'cause we're just barely scratchin' by. Well cool 'cause we're just barely scratchin' by.
704 00:44:21,075 00:44:22,034 Not makin' a dime. Not makin' a dime.
705 00:44:22,118 00:44:24,286 Well l think that's all gonna change. Well l think that's all gonna change.
706 00:44:24,996 00:44:28,832 But l have one criticismʼ and do not take this the wrong way. But l have one criticismʼ and do not take this the wrong way.
707 00:44:29,292 00:44:33,879 l'm just saying maybe tinker with the name of the band you know? l'm just saying maybe tinker with the name of the band you know?
708 00:44:34,213 00:44:35,213 You don't like "The Wildcats"? You don't like "The Wildcats"?
709 00:44:36,466 00:44:38,592 No yeah no l don't. No yeah no l don't.
710 00:44:38,760 00:44:43,638 Actually because "Wildcats" is too likeʼ generic and boring like any animal. Actually because "Wildcats" is too likeʼ generic and boring like any animal.
711 00:44:44,223 00:44:45,640 lt's like "meerkatʼ" you know? lt's like "meerkatʼ" you know?
712 00:44:46,267 00:44:47,726 You know Meerkat Manor? You don't no. You know Meerkat Manor? You don't no.
713 00:44:48,102 00:44:50,896 But it needs to be more distinct l feel. But it needs to be more distinct l feel.
714 00:44:51,439 00:44:52,397 -Distinct? -Yeah. -Distinct? -Yeah.
715 00:44:52,482 00:44:55,192 l mean this is rock and roll. A name means everything man. l mean this is rock and roll. A name means everything man.
716 00:44:55,276 00:44:56,818 All the cool bands have cool names. All the cool bands have cool names.
717 00:44:57,195 00:44:59,154 You wanna kick ass you want it to stand out. You wanna kick ass you want it to stand out.
718 00:44:59,614 00:45:03,825 Wildcats l just don't think it does it man. Do you got any other ideas? Wildcats l just don't think it does it man. Do you got any other ideas?
719 00:45:04,619 00:45:07,913 Yeah l got one. What about "Wham!"? Yeah l got one. What about "Wham!"?
720 00:45:08,247 00:45:09,664 "Wham!"? What? "Wham!"? What?
721 00:45:09,957 00:45:11,458 lt sounds kickass right? lt sounds kickass right?
722 00:45:11,667 00:45:12,793 lt's like Wham! lt's like Wham!
723 00:45:13,378 00:45:15,712 lt says if you mess with usʼ we'll beat you down! lt says if you mess with usʼ we'll beat you down!
724 00:45:16,297 00:45:17,422 We'll blow you away! We'll blow you away!
725 00:45:17,757 00:45:21,134 We don't care where in a dark alley or in a public toilet. We don't care where in a dark alley or in a public toilet.
726 00:45:22,136 00:45:26,807 l feel like "Wham!" is just gut instinctʼ not the way to go. l feel like "Wham!" is just gut instinctʼ not the way to go.
727 00:45:27,058 00:45:28,141 What about "Frankie Goes To Hollywood"? What about "Frankie Goes To Hollywood"?
728 00:45:28,351 00:45:29,351 Absolutely not. Absolutely not.
729 00:45:29,519 00:45:30,936 -What about "Cher"? -"Cher"? -What about "Cher"? -"Cher"?
730 00:45:31,020 00:45:32,396 What about "Air Supply"? What about "Air Supply"?
731 00:45:32,480 00:45:34,147 Oh my God be real! Oh my God be real!
732 00:45:34,399 00:45:35,774 -What about "Kajagoogoo"? -What? -What about "Kajagoogoo"? -What?
733 00:45:35,983 00:45:36,983 "New Kids On The Block"? "New Kids On The Block"?
734 00:45:37,151 00:45:38,318 What we're getting colder! What we're getting colder!
735 00:45:38,569 00:45:40,278 Okay you said we're gonna be big right? Okay you said we're gonna be big right?
736 00:45:40,655 00:45:43,031 Going straight to the top. All right then "One Direction"! Going straight to the top. All right then "One Direction"!
737 00:45:43,116 00:45:44,282 What is crappenin'? What is crappenin'?
738 00:45:44,367 00:45:46,993 Nah l'd do "Pet Shop Boysʼ" though. Nah l'd do "Pet Shop Boysʼ" though.
739 00:45:47,078 00:45:50,080 What about "Spice Boys"? That's pretty good. Yeah. What about "Spice Boys"? That's pretty good. Yeah.
740 00:45:50,164 00:45:52,833 Come on man we need some contenders here what is this crap? Come on man we need some contenders here what is this crap?
741 00:45:53,209 00:45:55,544 l got one. Now get ready for this okay? l got one. Now get ready for this okay?
742 00:45:56,295 00:45:57,337 lt's a little outta left field. lt's a little outta left field.
743 00:45:57,839 00:45:59,256 But be open-minded. But be open-minded.
744 00:46:00,383 00:46:01,383 Lynyrd Skynyrd. Lynyrd Skynyrd.
745 00:46:01,676 00:46:03,009 No. No.
746 00:46:03,886 00:46:04,886 -Not that guy. -That's like our gym coach's name. -Not that guy. -That's like our gym coach's name.
747 00:46:05,680 00:46:06,680 We don't even like that guy. We don't even like that guy.
748 00:46:06,764 00:46:09,015 l know legend has it it's your gym coach. l know legend has it it's your gym coach.
749 00:46:09,183 00:46:10,183 What legend? What legend?
750 00:46:11,352 00:46:12,352 That's a long story. That's a long story.
751 00:46:12,478 00:46:16,773 But seriously guys l know he's your coachʼ but you change it a little bit. But seriously guys l know he's your coachʼ but you change it a little bit.
752 00:46:17,066 00:46:22,237 You add a "Dʼ" you add a random "Yʼ" another renegade "Y" over hereʼ You add a "Dʼ" you add a random "Yʼ" another renegade "Y" over hereʼ
753 00:46:22,321 00:46:25,490 and then it's Lynyrd Skynyrd and presto-change-o people remember that! and then it's Lynyrd Skynyrd and presto-change-o people remember that!
754 00:46:26,075 00:46:28,785 -No that guy gave me lice... -l dunno about Lynyrd Skynyrd man. -No that guy gave me lice... -l dunno about Lynyrd Skynyrd man.
755 00:46:28,870 00:46:31,955 You remember that time he chased the other coach around in his underwear in the gym? You remember that time he chased the other coach around in his underwear in the gym?
756 00:46:32,039 00:46:33,874 -The guy's just whacked out. -But you're... -The guy's just whacked out. -But you're...
757 00:46:42,675 00:46:44,426 Oh my God that's so good. Oh my God that's so good.
758 00:46:45,595 00:46:46,595 Man. Man.
759 00:46:47,722 00:46:53,560 Trust me you guys are gonna be bigʼ that song is so perfect l'm telling youʼ Trust me you guys are gonna be bigʼ that song is so perfect l'm telling youʼ
760 00:46:53,686 00:46:57,981 that's like an anthem like a Southern toe-tapper to say the least man. that's like an anthem like a Southern toe-tapper to say the least man.
761 00:46:58,566 00:47:01,735 On the huge-ometerʼ it's gonna break the needle. On the huge-ometerʼ it's gonna break the needle.
762 00:47:02,361 00:47:04,779 -Like a big wedding song? -More like divorce. -Like a big wedding song? -More like divorce.
763 00:47:04,947 00:47:07,532 Really? Where does it go man? lt's too slow. Really? Where does it go man? lt's too slow.
764 00:47:07,742 00:47:09,159 Too slow listen to this guy! Too slow listen to this guy!
765 00:47:10,119 00:47:11,661 Oh my God it's gonna be nine minutes! Oh my God it's gonna be nine minutes!
766 00:47:11,996 00:47:12,996 Nine-minute tune? Nine-minute tune?
767 00:47:13,080 00:47:16,249 Yeah l know l mean it could be. lt could be 9:08. Yeah l know l mean it could be. lt could be 9:08.
768 00:47:16,792 00:47:17,792 Nine minutes eight seconds yeah. Nine minutes eight seconds yeah.
769 00:47:18,419 00:47:20,003 When you've got it that good don't rush it. When you've got it that good don't rush it.
770 00:47:20,338 00:47:23,507 What l would doʼ l would talk at the beginning sing singʼ What l would doʼ l would talk at the beginning sing singʼ
771 00:47:24,008 00:47:26,593 if it's about a bird you knowʼ lettin' it go free. if it's about a bird you knowʼ lettin' it go free.
772 00:47:26,928 00:47:29,596 And then maybe just kill some time in the middle with an instrumental. And then maybe just kill some time in the middle with an instrumental.
773 00:47:29,805 00:47:32,224 Like anything. l would probably go... Like anything. l would probably go...
774 00:47:42,485 00:47:43,944 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
775 00:47:45,071 00:47:46,321 Man! You got it! Man! You got it!
776 00:47:46,614 00:47:49,574 l kid you not like l said you're gonna be rich and famousʼ l kid you not like l said you're gonna be rich and famousʼ
777 00:47:49,659 00:47:51,618 trust the shit outta me on this one! trust the shit outta me on this one!
778 00:47:51,786 00:47:57,040 Yeah? Big rock stars with a truck full of money and girls and jammin' into the nightʼ Yeah? Big rock stars with a truck full of money and girls and jammin' into the nightʼ
779 00:47:57,124 00:47:59,459 -livin' the great life? -You know it man! Exactly! -livin' the great life? -You know it man! Exactly!
780 00:47:59,794 00:48:02,295 Everyone's gonna look up to youʼ you're gonna have tons of fansʼ Everyone's gonna look up to youʼ you're gonna have tons of fansʼ
781 00:48:02,588 00:48:05,257 your kids are gonna be proud of youʼ your family's gonna have so much money. your kids are gonna be proud of youʼ your family's gonna have so much money.
782 00:48:05,591 00:48:06,550 You could buy anything you want. You could buy anything you want.
783 00:48:06,634 00:48:08,510 -We could buy our own airplane. -Yeah! -We could buy our own airplane. -Yeah!
784 00:48:14,308 00:48:15,308 What's the matter? What's the matter?
785 00:48:22,984 00:48:24,442 You guys it was nice to meet you but... You guys it was nice to meet you but...
786 00:48:28,197 00:48:30,699 You're gonna be great man. l gotta go. You're gonna be great man. l gotta go.
787 00:48:41,752 00:48:44,045 l was eight years old when l heard about that plane crash. l was eight years old when l heard about that plane crash.
788 00:48:46,173 00:48:49,342 Just goes to show you never really know what's going on in people's lives. Just goes to show you never really know what's going on in people's lives.
789 00:48:49,510 00:48:52,470 You know everything could look greatʼ and you could wish you were themʼ You know everything could look greatʼ and you could wish you were themʼ
790 00:48:53,806 00:48:57,142 -but then... -Sounds like a lesson in there. -but then... -Sounds like a lesson in there.
791 00:48:59,353 00:49:00,812 Yeah, I know there's a lesson, Yeah, I know there's a lesson,
792 00:49:00,980 00:49:04,190 and l know l was supposed to walk into that club and meet Skynyrd that night, and l know l was supposed to walk into that club and meet Skynyrd that night,
793 00:49:04,734 00:49:05,984 but I ain't real smart, but I ain't real smart,
794 00:49:06,193 00:49:08,528 and my head always feels all jingly jangly, and my head always feels all jingly jangly,
795 00:49:08,738 00:49:12,157 which is a Southern term meaning, gangly wangly. which is a Southern term meaning, gangly wangly.
796 00:49:12,366 00:49:16,202 There's always noise in it, like, if people are dropping change in there There's always noise in it, like, if people are dropping change in there
797 00:49:16,287 00:49:18,079 and not picking up the pennies. and not picking up the pennies.
798 00:49:18,539 00:49:20,373 lt makes me crazy, man. lt makes me crazy, man.
799 00:49:20,875 00:49:23,168 But then when l think l'm startin' to figure stuff out, But then when l think l'm startin' to figure stuff out,
800 00:49:23,252 00:49:24,878 along come these assholes. along come these assholes.
801 00:49:27,590 00:49:29,257 Let's get us that Joe Dirt! Let's get us that Joe Dirt!
802 00:49:31,510 00:49:33,178 Get back here with those boots! Get back here with those boots!
803 00:49:34,889 00:49:36,306 You little bitch. You little bitch.
804 00:49:37,308 00:49:40,852 Don't you get on that train! Don't you get on that train!
805 00:49:45,024 00:49:46,816 Take that Foggle! What a burn! Take that Foggle! What a burn!
806 00:49:51,322 00:49:52,322 Made it. Made it.
807 00:49:54,075 00:49:56,785 And so there I was, just clickety-clackin' through the night. And so there I was, just clickety-clackin' through the night.
808 00:49:58,621 00:50:03,500 l got to thinking, how does this Foggle dude and all of them always know where l am? l got to thinking, how does this Foggle dude and all of them always know where l am?
809 00:50:04,001 00:50:06,211 lt's almost like they're livin' inside my head, you know? lt's almost like they're livin' inside my head, you know?
810 00:50:06,671 00:50:09,047 l mean, there's definitely a lot of empty space in there. l mean, there's definitely a lot of empty space in there.
811 00:50:09,256 00:50:12,967 But where would they put their motorcycles, where would they go to the bathroom? But where would they put their motorcycles, where would they go to the bathroom?
812 00:50:13,052 00:50:14,052 Whatever. Whatever.
813 00:50:14,929 00:50:16,137 l'm sick of being alone. l'm sick of being alone.
814 00:50:17,682 00:50:19,557 l wish Brandy was here right now. l wish Brandy was here right now.
815 00:50:22,103 00:50:23,645 l can pretend she's here. l can pretend she's here.
816 00:50:25,314 00:50:26,690 l got a few minutes. l got a few minutes.
817 00:50:29,694 00:50:32,654 Okay. ln the bedroom. Okay. ln the bedroom.
818 00:50:33,823 00:50:37,033 l come up behind. Tickle her back. l come up behind. Tickle her back.
819 00:50:37,952 00:50:42,122 Pull that scrunchie out. Yeah get the hair down. Pull that scrunchie out. Yeah get the hair down.
820 00:50:44,291 00:50:46,292 Pick up the pace pick up the pace. Pick up the pace pick up the pace.
821 00:50:47,795 00:50:48,795 Sorry buddy. Sorry buddy.
822 00:50:49,797 00:50:50,797 Had to light my cigar. Had to light my cigar.
823 00:50:51,632 00:50:54,050 Show was just starting. Keep goin'. Show was just starting. Keep goin'.
824 00:50:54,135 00:50:55,260 Nah you didn't see nothing. Nah you didn't see nothing.
825 00:50:55,428 00:50:56,511 Yeah we did. Yeah we did.
826 00:50:56,637 00:50:58,972 You over there lookin' like a paint shaker goin' at it. You over there lookin' like a paint shaker goin' at it.
827 00:50:59,056 00:51:00,181 Can we get in on that action? Can we get in on that action?
828 00:51:00,474 00:51:03,685 Yeah maybe we can figure out some kinda naked pyramid or something. Yeah maybe we can figure out some kinda naked pyramid or something.
829 00:51:03,769 00:51:06,229 -l like that idea. -Come on little doggy. -l like that idea. -Come on little doggy.
830 00:51:06,313 00:51:09,065 l ain't no party boy. l ain't no party boy.
831 00:51:12,611 00:51:14,988 Just a dream. Thank God. Just a dream. Thank God.
832 00:51:15,990 00:51:17,073 Again? Again?
833 00:51:17,742 00:51:20,827 But this time not just them. But this time not just them.
834 00:51:21,495 00:51:22,537 You get us too. You get us too.
835 00:51:22,872 00:51:23,913 Okay. Okay.
836 00:51:23,998 00:51:25,165 You like sausages Joe? You like sausages Joe?
837 00:51:25,416 00:51:28,626 l like sausage l usually get baconʼ but l mix it up. l like sausage l usually get baconʼ but l mix it up.
838 00:51:28,711 00:51:30,336 l like to have fun at breakfast you know? l like to have fun at breakfast you know?
839 00:51:30,546 00:51:32,672 Maybe you should take a little nibble off mine. Maybe you should take a little nibble off mine.
840 00:51:34,300 00:51:35,842 No that's not supposed to be there. No that's not supposed to be there.
841 00:51:35,968 00:51:36,968 Don't walk here! Don't walk here!
842 00:51:37,178 00:51:38,344 You guys on Viagra? You guys on Viagra?
843 00:51:38,804 00:51:39,804 No! No!
844 00:51:42,558 00:51:43,558 lt's me Joe. lt's me Joe.
845 00:51:43,851 00:51:46,936 Kicking Wing? Holy crap on a crutch! Kicking Wing? Holy crap on a crutch!
846 00:51:47,480 00:51:50,148 -What's up? -l missed you. -What's up? -l missed you.
847 00:51:50,858 00:51:53,276 But they don't call me Kicking Wing anymoreʼ But they don't call me Kicking Wing anymoreʼ
848 00:51:53,652 00:51:54,778 l'm Kicking Ass. l'm Kicking Ass.
849 00:51:55,321 00:51:58,031 -l took your advice. -Man! That's a good one. -l took your advice. -Man! That's a good one.
850 00:51:58,115 00:51:59,699 That's cool l got tons of good ideas man. That's cool l got tons of good ideas man.
851 00:52:00,034 00:52:02,160 So where have you beenʼ how's the fireworks game? So where have you beenʼ how's the fireworks game?
852 00:52:03,245 00:52:07,081 l'm not in the fireworks game Joe. Growth potential wasn't enough. l'm not in the fireworks game Joe. Growth potential wasn't enough.
853 00:52:08,125 00:52:09,125 l'm a drug dealer now. l'm a drug dealer now.
854 00:52:09,502 00:52:11,419 What! You don't do drugs. What! You don't do drugs.
855 00:52:11,712 00:52:13,296 l don't get high on my supply. l don't get high on my supply.
856 00:52:13,631 00:52:14,714 That's catchy. That's catchy.
857 00:52:15,049 00:52:16,257 Baby who's this clown? Baby who's this clown?
858 00:52:16,926 00:52:19,260 This is the legendary Joe Dirt! This is the legendary Joe Dirt!
859 00:52:19,887 00:52:20,887 Good friend! Good friend!
860 00:52:21,180 00:52:22,889 So you sell heroin and all that kinda crap? So you sell heroin and all that kinda crap?
861 00:52:23,224 00:52:25,558 No. Just aspirin and weed. No. Just aspirin and weed.
862 00:52:25,976 00:52:28,394 What! l can get aspirin from a baby! What! l can get aspirin from a baby!
863 00:52:28,813 00:52:31,064 l can get weed in a vending machine in Denver! l can get weed in a vending machine in Denver!
864 00:52:31,357 00:52:33,399 'Cause you know what no one gives a care about weed any more. 'Cause you know what no one gives a care about weed any more.
865 00:52:33,567 00:52:34,567 Understand rubber band? Understand rubber band?
866 00:52:35,069 00:52:38,404 Well aspirin and weed is the ones l like. Well aspirin and weed is the ones l like.
867 00:52:38,572 00:52:43,201 Well that's your problem. You're not sellin' to the mirror my man! Well that's your problem. You're not sellin' to the mirror my man!
868 00:52:43,661 00:52:46,788 You're forgetting about the consumer! Again. You're forgetting about the consumer! Again.
869 00:52:46,872 00:52:48,248 l'm a really good drug dealer. l'm a really good drug dealer.
870 00:52:48,415 00:52:53,878 Kim Possible you're gonna stand thereʼ calling yourself "a really good drug dealerʼ" Kim Possible you're gonna stand thereʼ calling yourself "a really good drug dealerʼ"
871 00:52:53,963 00:52:55,588 and you ain't got no crystal meth? and you ain't got no crystal meth?
872 00:52:55,673 00:52:56,673 No black tar? No black tar?
873 00:52:56,757 00:52:58,383 These are the basics! These are the basics!
874 00:52:58,759 00:53:03,888 No Xanny bars? White crosses? Special K? Moon rocks? No zip-its pop-its whippits? No Xanny bars? White crosses? Special K? Moon rocks? No zip-its pop-its whippits?
875 00:53:04,265 00:53:09,519 Black beauties or cocaine? Also known as yayo power flour talk chalk devil's dandruff Black beauties or cocaine? Also known as yayo power flour talk chalk devil's dandruff
876 00:53:09,603 00:53:10,895 or sniffy jiffy? or sniffy jiffy?
877 00:53:11,522 00:53:13,356 -No. -No shanaynay? -No. -No shanaynay?
878 00:53:13,607 00:53:14,607 No vajayjay? No vajayjay?
879 00:53:14,859 00:53:17,443 No. Just aspirins and weed. No. Just aspirins and weed.
880 00:53:17,653 00:53:21,197 So you're supposed to be taken seriously in your chosen new profession? So you're supposed to be taken seriously in your chosen new profession?
881 00:53:21,407 00:53:24,909 And you don't move no purple microdot? No gold paint to huff? And you don't move no purple microdot? No gold paint to huff?
882 00:53:25,327 00:53:26,327 No angel dust? No angel dust?
883 00:53:26,412 00:53:29,080 PCP? Molly? Charlie? Charlie Car? Crank? PCP? Molly? Charlie? Charlie Car? Crank?
884 00:53:29,164 00:53:31,916 lce? Crack? Boom? Pow? Shnizzle? Zoomers? lce? Crack? Boom? Pow? Shnizzle? Zoomers?
885 00:53:32,001 00:53:33,126 Boomers? Husker Dus? Boomers? Husker Dus?
886 00:53:34,128 00:53:35,879 Wait l think that's a firecracker isn't it? Wait l think that's a firecracker isn't it?
887 00:53:36,297 00:53:37,297 No it's both. No it's both.
888 00:53:37,423 00:53:42,552 No yellowjackets morning wood or one single bottle of codeine cough syrup? No yellowjackets morning wood or one single bottle of codeine cough syrup?
889 00:53:43,137 00:53:44,804 With or without the Jolly Rancher. With or without the Jolly Rancher.
890 00:53:45,055 00:53:46,598 You must get high all the time. You must get high all the time.
891 00:53:46,974 00:53:47,974 You seem psycho. You seem psycho.
892 00:53:48,559 00:53:49,559 Wait was this a dream? Wait was this a dream?
893 00:53:49,810 00:53:50,977 Yeah this is gonna be a dream. Yeah this is gonna be a dream.
894 00:53:51,353 00:53:53,646 Then l can say somethin' mean back. All right say it again. Then l can say somethin' mean back. All right say it again.
895 00:53:54,023 00:53:55,773 You must get high all the time. You seem psycho. You must get high all the time. You seem psycho.
896 00:53:56,275 00:53:58,359 You must bone a lot of dudes. You seem like a whore. You must bone a lot of dudes. You seem like a whore.
897 00:54:04,116 00:54:06,367 -l do. -Backfire! -l do. -Backfire!
898 00:54:06,994 00:54:09,245 l'm so glad this is a dream and you ain't a drug dealer! l'm so glad this is a dream and you ain't a drug dealer!
899 00:54:09,580 00:54:11,205 You're right Joe it is a dream. You're right Joe it is a dream.
900 00:54:11,290 00:54:13,833 Come on Kicking Ass kick him off the trainʼ l wanna get high. Come on Kicking Ass kick him off the trainʼ l wanna get high.
901 00:54:14,376 00:54:17,879 Don't you understand Joe? This whole dream represents you trying to become Don't you understand Joe? This whole dream represents you trying to become
902 00:54:17,963 00:54:19,589 something you shouldn't be. something you shouldn't be.
903 00:54:21,967 00:54:23,217 Think about that Joe. Think about that Joe.
904 00:54:25,596 00:54:28,556 Man, it was great to see Kicking Wing, but not as a drug dealer. Man, it was great to see Kicking Wing, but not as a drug dealer.
905 00:54:29,308 00:54:32,852 And that's when it hit me. What he was trying to tell me! And that's when it hit me. What he was trying to tell me!
906 00:54:33,395 00:54:36,439 What he wanted me to figure out was... Then l got sleepy. What he wanted me to figure out was... Then l got sleepy.
907 00:54:38,442 00:54:39,984 Yo! Molly Mulletson. Yo! Molly Mulletson.
908 00:54:41,487 00:54:43,863 lt's me the clumsy segue fairy. lt's me the clumsy segue fairy.
909 00:54:44,698 00:54:45,657 You're dreamin'. You're dreamin'.
910 00:54:45,741 00:54:49,035 We're inside a dream that's inside a daydream We're inside a dream that's inside a daydream
911 00:54:49,536 00:54:52,872 that's being influenced by a vague sense of ennui. that's being influenced by a vague sense of ennui.
912 00:54:53,040 00:54:56,125 And this is Joe Dirt 2, and why have we overwritten this? And this is Joe Dirt 2, and why have we overwritten this?
913 00:54:56,293 00:54:59,921 Now go back to sleep you're gonna wake up in the middle of nowhere. Now go back to sleep you're gonna wake up in the middle of nowhere.
914 00:55:00,214 00:55:01,214 REM. REM.
915 00:55:01,882 00:55:05,301 Them dreams is trying to tell me somethin'. Especially Kicking Wing! Them dreams is trying to tell me somethin'. Especially Kicking Wing!
916 00:55:05,678 00:55:07,720 I don't even know what Zander Kelly was doin' in there. I don't even know what Zander Kelly was doin' in there.
917 00:55:07,930 00:55:10,682 And I have no idea what "on we" means either. And I have no idea what "on we" means either.
918 00:55:11,225 00:55:13,893 All in all, I was startin' to feel like Alice in Wonderland. All in all, I was startin' to feel like Alice in Wonderland.
919 00:55:14,103 00:55:15,895 You know, if Alice was a cool dude You know, if Alice was a cool dude
920 00:55:16,021 00:55:19,649 and Wonderland was a place where everyone benches a lot. and Wonderland was a place where everyone benches a lot.
921 00:55:20,317 00:55:21,317 You're cool, and... You're cool, and...
922 00:55:22,152 00:55:25,238 Yeah, that's a bad comparison, but things was definitely getting weirder. Yeah, that's a bad comparison, but things was definitely getting weirder.
923 00:55:27,658 00:55:29,450 Hey guys what's crappenin'? Hey guys what's crappenin'?
924 00:55:30,077 00:55:31,077 What's your name? What's your name?
925 00:55:31,954 00:55:36,582 Well listen it's a bit unusual and l've heard all the jokes Well listen it's a bit unusual and l've heard all the jokes
926 00:55:36,875 00:55:39,085 and l've heard them about my hairʼ so you might as well skip it. and l've heard them about my hairʼ so you might as well skip it.
927 00:55:39,420 00:55:40,420 lt's Joe Dirt. lt's Joe Dirt.
928 00:55:40,879 00:55:43,923 Dirt? That's a pretty shitty nameʼ don't you think? Dirt? That's a pretty shitty nameʼ don't you think?
929 00:55:44,008 00:55:45,174 Yeah l guess we're not going to skip it. Yeah l guess we're not going to skip it.
930 00:55:45,259 00:55:49,429 Yeah listen it could've been Connor or Willow or Aiden or Jaden Yeah listen it could've been Connor or Willow or Aiden or Jaden
931 00:55:49,555 00:55:51,097 or maybe Colby or Tristan... or maybe Colby or Tristan...
932 00:55:51,432 00:55:52,432 How's your health? How's your health?
933 00:55:53,058 00:55:54,767 That's a bit personal. That's a bit personal.
934 00:55:55,310 00:55:58,813 My health is good l feel like it might get worse in a few minutes... My health is good l feel like it might get worse in a few minutes...
935 00:55:59,356 00:56:00,356 You ain't a smoker huh? You ain't a smoker huh?
936 00:56:01,233 00:56:03,109 No but l do dip Skoal. No but l do dip Skoal.
937 00:56:03,277 00:56:04,944 Just a pinch between my cheek and gum. Just a pinch between my cheek and gum.
938 00:56:05,237 00:56:07,572 l've tried Cope you know between us. l've tried Cope you know between us.
939 00:56:08,073 00:56:10,533 But it's a little strong. l get dizzy. But it's a little strong. l get dizzy.
940 00:56:10,784 00:56:13,411 l like to call it the poor man's amusement ride. l like to call it the poor man's amusement ride.
941 00:56:13,912 00:56:15,371 You're about to go on a big ride. You're about to go on a big ride.
942 00:56:37,519 00:56:39,437 Bright light! Bright light!
943 00:56:44,443 00:56:46,027 Sore to the touch! Sore to the touch!
944 00:56:47,488 00:56:50,323 Somebody's getting a bad stitchin' award. Somebody's getting a bad stitchin' award.
945 00:56:50,866 00:56:51,866 What did they do? What did they do?
946 00:56:56,038 00:56:59,040 Seashell? l'm at the beach! Seashell? l'm at the beach!
947 00:57:01,251 00:57:02,794 Sandcastle time! Sandcastle time!
948 00:57:04,296 00:57:07,507 -So they harvested me. -What? -So they harvested me. -What?
949 00:57:08,342 00:57:09,342 Yeah. Yeah.
950 00:57:09,635 00:57:13,179 -Harvested you? -Yeah they dug deep. They got my kidneyʼ -Harvested you? -Yeah they dug deep. They got my kidneyʼ
951 00:57:14,014 00:57:16,015 they got my gallbladderʼ they got some liver parts. they got my gallbladderʼ they got some liver parts.
952 00:57:16,100 00:57:18,184 l guess they were making some cat food or something l dunno. l guess they were making some cat food or something l dunno.
953 00:57:18,477 00:57:21,354 l thought that was just like an urban legend. l thought that was just like an urban legend.
954 00:57:21,688 00:57:23,147 -How creepy. -Yeah. Yeah. -How creepy. -Yeah. Yeah.
955 00:57:23,273 00:57:25,108 You know maybe l started that. You know maybe l started that.
956 00:57:25,776 00:57:29,904 After the surgery they left all kinds of crap inside me like you know. After the surgery they left all kinds of crap inside me like you know.
957 00:57:30,155 00:57:31,948 -On accident l'm guessin'. -What? -On accident l'm guessin'. -What?
958 00:57:32,366 00:57:37,745 They left scissors inside meʼ they left a hamburger wrapperʼ They left scissors inside meʼ they left a hamburger wrapperʼ
959 00:57:38,664 00:57:42,166 39 cents in change and some of those plastic pluggy things 39 cents in change and some of those plastic pluggy things
960 00:57:42,251 00:57:44,252 that you stick in a corn cob to hold it better? that you stick in a corn cob to hold it better?
961 00:57:44,837 00:57:48,005 Also one of them cans that says moo when you turn it upside down? Also one of them cans that says moo when you turn it upside down?
962 00:57:48,549 00:57:50,299 -No. -You say no? -No. -You say no?
963 00:57:50,884 00:57:51,884 Hang on. Hang on.
964 00:57:53,679 00:57:54,679 There we go. There we go.
965 00:57:58,058 00:57:59,058 lt's nice to see you laughin'. lt's nice to see you laughin'.
966 00:57:59,309 00:58:02,937 My little girls would laugh so hard at that. They'd think it's so funny. My little girls would laugh so hard at that. They'd think it's so funny.
967 00:58:04,690 00:58:05,690 l wish l could hear that. l wish l could hear that.
968 00:58:06,233 00:58:09,735 -So where was this beach? -Actually it was a desert island. -So where was this beach? -Actually it was a desert island.
969 00:58:10,237 00:58:11,737 l was there a long time. l was there a long time.
970 00:58:12,531 00:58:16,033 About 12 years. About 12 years.
971 00:58:20,289 00:58:23,666 "Dear Whoever Finds This Message in a Bottle, l'm trapped "Dear Whoever Finds This Message in a Bottle, l'm trapped
972 00:58:23,750 00:58:27,253 "on a desert island, and l'm losing hope of ever being found, man. "on a desert island, and l'm losing hope of ever being found, man.
973 00:58:28,172 00:58:33,092 "l probably just wasted time writing the word 'man,' it wasn't a necessary word "l probably just wasted time writing the word 'man,' it wasn't a necessary word
974 00:58:33,177 00:58:35,344 "and I don't have much ink, so that's dumb. "and I don't have much ink, so that's dumb.
975 00:58:43,812 00:58:45,313 "l'm using my own blood. "l'm using my own blood.
976 00:58:45,856 00:58:48,816 "I'm crossing off 'man.' Sorry for the mess. "I'm crossing off 'man.' Sorry for the mess.
977 00:58:48,901 00:58:51,777 "As l gaze out to sea at the rocks that look like "As l gaze out to sea at the rocks that look like
978 00:58:51,862 00:58:54,238 "a giant church steeple, it makes me think of "a giant church steeple, it makes me think of
979 00:58:54,323 00:58:56,657 "the day l married the love of my life, Brandy. "the day l married the love of my life, Brandy.
980 00:58:57,826 00:59:02,663 "l miss her. l miss my girls. l'm lonely out my ass. "l miss her. l miss my girls. l'm lonely out my ass.
981 00:59:03,123 00:59:05,833 "l hope somebody gets this and replies. "l hope somebody gets this and replies.
982 00:59:05,918 00:59:09,795 "PS, No smokers. I'm just kidding. "PS, No smokers. I'm just kidding.
983 00:59:10,130 00:59:13,633 "Signed, Joe Dirtay. "Signed, Joe Dirtay.
984 00:59:19,848 00:59:24,477 "PPS, AKA Joe Dirt. I ain't foolin' nobody with the Dirtay thing. l'll give up on it." "PPS, AKA Joe Dirt. I ain't foolin' nobody with the Dirtay thing. l'll give up on it."
985 01:00:39,928 01:00:41,762 Tastes like jellyfish. Tastes like jellyfish.
986 01:00:44,516 01:00:46,642 Oh yeah. You like that Wilson? Oh yeah. You like that Wilson?
987 01:00:46,727 01:00:49,395 You're not getting away! Yeah take that! You're not getting away! Yeah take that!
988 01:00:49,604 01:00:52,773 Okay this one goes out to all the angel fish out there. Okay this one goes out to all the angel fish out there.
989 01:00:52,858 01:00:55,401 You know who you are. Let them in the front. Come on now. You know who you are. Let them in the front. Come on now.
990 01:01:03,035 01:01:04,327 You like that shell? You like that shell?
991 01:01:04,411 01:01:07,163 Hey which way out? l need an exit sign. Hey which way out? l need an exit sign.
992 01:01:07,873 01:01:08,873 There you are. There you are.
993 01:01:09,791 01:01:12,418 Sorry for the delay folks. l took a crap. Sorry for the delay folks. l took a crap.
994 01:01:14,254 01:01:17,548 l buried it. l put some sand on it. lt's not totally gone but... l buried it. l put some sand on it. lt's not totally gone but...
995 01:01:18,884 01:01:20,801 Nobody go looking for it. l didn't think you would. Nobody go looking for it. l didn't think you would.
996 01:01:41,948 01:01:43,616 l hope this is mine. l hope this is mine.
997 01:01:49,414 01:01:53,042 "Dear Joe Dirt, you sound so lonely and lost. "Dear Joe Dirt, you sound so lonely and lost.
998 01:01:53,126 01:01:56,170 "And as l gaze out of my Marriott Hotel window, "And as l gaze out of my Marriott Hotel window,
999 01:01:56,254 01:01:59,840 "l can see the same church-steeple rocks you mention in your letter. "l can see the same church-steeple rocks you mention in your letter.
1000 01:01:59,925 01:02:02,385 "Anyway, what hotel are you staying in? "Anyway, what hotel are you staying in?
1001 01:02:02,469 01:02:05,304 "I'm in room 347. Write me back or call." "I'm in room 347. Write me back or call."
1002 01:02:05,889 01:02:07,264 Marriott? Marriott?
1003 01:02:08,600 01:02:10,142 What the fuck! What the fuck!
1004 01:02:26,159 01:02:31,455 Twelve years l missed going to effingʼ freaking fucking Taco Bell? Twelve years l missed going to effingʼ freaking fucking Taco Bell?
1005 01:02:32,707 01:02:34,500 Hey mister. Hey mister.
1006 01:02:35,001 01:02:36,252 Are you bigfoot? Are you bigfoot?
1007 01:02:36,336 01:02:38,963 What? No man. No l'm not bigfoot. What? No man. No l'm not bigfoot.
1008 01:02:39,339 01:02:40,339 l'm tired-foot. l'm tired-foot.
1009 01:02:40,715 01:02:44,593 Hey bigfoot why did you climb all those rocks over there instead of using this trail? Hey bigfoot why did you climb all those rocks over there instead of using this trail?
1010 01:02:45,846 01:02:48,597 -What year is it? -lt's 1 977 bigfoot. -What year is it? -lt's 1 977 bigfoot.
1011 01:02:48,682 01:02:50,933 Man what city am l in? Man what city am l in?
1012 01:02:51,184 01:02:52,226 lt's Miami bigfoot. lt's Miami bigfoot.
1013 01:02:52,686 01:02:53,686 Man. Man.
1014 01:02:54,187 01:02:56,313 l need to go down just to wipe. l need to go down just to wipe.
1015 01:02:56,398 01:02:59,817 lt's rough down there. l've been wiping with seaweed and clamshells for 1 2 years. lt's rough down there. l've been wiping with seaweed and clamshells for 1 2 years.
1016 01:02:59,901 01:03:01,318 Gross bigfoot. Gross bigfoot.
1017 01:03:01,528 01:03:03,737 -Bye bigfoot. -You gotta get going? Okay. -Bye bigfoot. -You gotta get going? Okay.
1018 01:03:03,822 01:03:05,614 Yeah see ya later bigfoot. Yeah see ya later bigfoot.
1019 01:03:05,740 01:03:07,658 Okay. l'll catch ya later. Okay. l'll catch ya later.
1020 01:03:07,784 01:03:09,785 Maybe l'll write it in a bottle and throw it to ya. Maybe l'll write it in a bottle and throw it to ya.
1021 01:03:09,870 01:03:11,829 l'm kidding. Wait is this the way down? l'm kidding. Wait is this the way down?
1022 01:03:18,795 01:03:22,006 Twenty-seven cents for all-new JD threads. Twenty-seven cents for all-new JD threads.
1023 01:03:22,090 01:03:25,259 Now l just gotta get the bugs out of my hair. Now l just gotta get the bugs out of my hair.
1024 01:03:32,392 01:03:35,060 Skynyrd man. Those poor guys. Skynyrd man. Those poor guys.
1025 01:03:35,562 01:03:39,106 l'm complaining about my stupid problemsʼ and these guys... l'm complaining about my stupid problemsʼ and these guys...
1026 01:03:39,191 01:03:42,401 Screw them man! l was on an island for 1 0 years. l'm in Florida! Screw them man! l was on an island for 1 0 years. l'm in Florida!
1027 01:03:42,736 01:03:46,238 What a dumb crap! l just get stupider! What a dumb crap! l just get stupider!
1028 01:03:47,824 01:03:50,743 Wait a second. ls that dude Clem? Wait a second. ls that dude Clem?
1029 01:03:51,036 01:03:52,328 Wait that's Clem! Wait that's Clem!
1030 01:03:52,704 01:03:53,704 Hey Clem! Hey Clem!
1031 01:03:54,915 01:03:55,915 l'm sorry excuse me. l'm sorry excuse me.
1032 01:03:58,335 01:03:59,585 Hey hey Clem. Hey hey Clem.
1033 01:04:00,754 01:04:02,254 Frank Frank Frank Frank. Frank Frank Frank Frank.
1034 01:04:02,339 01:04:03,339 Clem hey. Clem hey.
1035 01:04:03,924 01:04:08,177 Mr. Bennedetti l'm sorry. My name's Joe Dirtʼ l'm from the future. l know it sounds crazy. Mr. Bennedetti l'm sorry. My name's Joe Dirtʼ l'm from the future. l know it sounds crazy.
1036 01:04:08,970 01:04:10,471 l heard about the future. l heard about the future.
1037 01:04:10,805 01:04:15,017 Everybody's got a big head right? Enlarged. Eat pills to live. Everybody's got a big head right? Enlarged. Eat pills to live.
1038 01:04:15,852 01:04:17,102 You fly around with a jetpack. You fly around with a jetpack.
1039 01:04:18,480 01:04:22,566 Not quite yet. l mean we have a Bedazzler. Not quite yet. l mean we have a Bedazzler.
1040 01:04:23,109 01:04:26,779 Jetpacks are not at the Walmart just as of now. Jetpacks are not at the Walmart just as of now.
1041 01:04:27,113 01:04:28,656 But we have the Cronut. But we have the Cronut.
1042 01:04:28,823 01:04:33,327 lt's really doing well. l ate 30 once. l was drunk. lt was like 28 but l brag and say 30. lt's really doing well. l ate 30 once. l was drunk. lt was like 28 but l brag and say 30.
1043 01:04:33,787 01:04:37,581 But here's the real thing in the future l just want to tell you it sounds crazy l knowʼ But here's the real thing in the future l just want to tell you it sounds crazy l knowʼ
1044 01:04:37,707 01:04:38,707 but we're friends. but we're friends.
1045 01:04:38,959 01:04:40,251 You're like a dad to me. You're like a dad to me.
1046 01:04:40,335 01:04:44,296 l mean we hang out and you live in Silvertown. You save me from bullies. l mean we hang out and you live in Silvertown. You save me from bullies.
1047 01:04:44,714 01:04:47,925 Vinny whack this kid. He's talking nonsense. Vinny whack this kid. He's talking nonsense.
1048 01:04:48,218 01:04:52,763 Then dump his body in a trunkʼ then dump his crazy hair in a different trunk. Then dump his body in a trunkʼ then dump his crazy hair in a different trunk.
1049 01:04:53,181 01:04:55,432 -You got it Uncle Frank. -No no Mr. Vinny wait one sec... -You got it Uncle Frank. -No no Mr. Vinny wait one sec...
1050 01:04:55,767 01:04:57,476 l'm telling you l'm from the future. l'll prove it. l'm telling you l'm from the future. l'll prove it.
1051 01:04:57,936 01:04:58,936 There's a TA. There's a TA.
1052 01:04:59,312 01:05:00,563 What's that NASCAR? What's that NASCAR?
1053 01:05:00,647 01:05:01,647 l know NASCAR. l know NASCAR.
1054 01:05:01,940 01:05:05,985 That's Daytona 500 l bet. l can tell you who wins. ls that good? That's Daytona 500 l bet. l can tell you who wins. ls that good?
1055 01:05:06,778 01:05:09,780 lf this was trueʼ you would become very important. lf this was trueʼ you would become very important.
1056 01:05:10,198 01:05:13,033 You've got five seconds. l start counting on three. You've got five seconds. l start counting on three.
1057 01:05:13,201 01:05:15,619 What? Wait what happened to one and two? What? Wait what happened to one and two?
1058 01:05:15,745 01:05:17,329 l had them whacked. Four. l had them whacked. Four.
1059 01:05:17,414 01:05:19,123 Wait. God... Okay hold on. Wait. God... Okay hold on.
1060 01:05:20,000 01:05:24,378 Daytona Speedway 1 977. That's oh my God Richard Petty l think. Daytona Speedway 1 977. That's oh my God Richard Petty l think.
1061 01:05:24,462 01:05:25,421 STP car. STP car.
1062 01:05:25,505 01:05:29,633 Then you got Darrel Waltrip in Gatorade. AJ Foyt is third. Then you got Darrel Waltrip in Gatorade. AJ Foyt is third.
1063 01:05:29,718 01:05:32,970 -Then Donnie Allison and who's fifth? -Five. -Then Donnie Allison and who's fifth? -Five.
1064 01:05:33,138 01:05:36,473 Cale Yarborough! Go! Yeah! Yeah! Cale Yarborough! Go! Yeah! Yeah!
1065 01:05:36,641 01:05:37,641 Yeah! Yeah!
1066 01:05:39,853 01:05:43,522 Guys we just found a goose that lays the golden eggs. Guys we just found a goose that lays the golden eggs.
1067 01:05:44,024 01:05:46,525 -l laid 'em. -This goose's name is what? -l laid 'em. -This goose's name is what?
1068 01:05:46,693 01:05:48,986 -l'm Joe Dirt! -Joe Dirt. -l'm Joe Dirt! -Joe Dirt.
1069 01:05:49,863 01:05:50,863 Joe Dirt. Joe Dirt.
1070 01:05:51,698 01:05:52,698 Okay. Okay.
1071 01:05:54,367 01:05:55,367 lt's all right. lt's all right.
1072 01:06:09,257 01:06:11,050 This was all paying off. This was all paying off.
1073 01:06:12,802 01:06:14,553 We was getting richer. We was getting richer.
1074 01:06:16,139 01:06:17,723 l was getting richer. l was getting richer.
1075 01:06:31,029 01:06:33,989 -Look, l did a perfect cartwheel. -Dad, l bet you can't do that. -Look, l did a perfect cartwheel. -Dad, l bet you can't do that.
1076 01:06:34,324 01:06:37,076 -Daddy... -But l was missing my family. -Daddy... -But l was missing my family.
1077 01:06:37,869 01:06:39,870 Really missing them, something awful. Really missing them, something awful.
1078 01:06:40,038 01:06:41,622 ...a perfect cartwheel. Dad, have you ever... ...a perfect cartwheel. Dad, have you ever...
1079 01:06:41,748 01:06:44,375 lt sounds crazy, but I recorded a bunch of actresses lt sounds crazy, but I recorded a bunch of actresses
1080 01:06:44,459 01:06:47,503 doing a little jibber-jabber, to remind me of home. doing a little jibber-jabber, to remind me of home.
1081 01:06:47,587 01:06:49,963 -I can do somersaults. -Hey, Joe Dirt, watch my cartwheel. -I can do somersaults. -Hey, Joe Dirt, watch my cartwheel.
1082 01:06:50,090 01:06:53,175 Wait, no, not Joe Dirt. Daddy, watch my cartwheel! Wait, no, not Joe Dirt. Daddy, watch my cartwheel!
1083 01:06:53,468 01:06:56,011 Dad, look, l can do a back handspring! Can you do a flip, too? Dad, look, l can do a back handspring! Can you do a flip, too?
1084 01:06:57,430 01:06:58,430 So anyways that's the whole story. So anyways that's the whole story.
1085 01:06:59,265 01:07:03,102 l know you believe me 'cause all those races l predicted and stuff came true. l know you believe me 'cause all those races l predicted and stuff came true.
1086 01:07:03,478 01:07:06,772 Anyway Clem. l know the futureʼ and l know something about youʼ Anyway Clem. l know the futureʼ and l know something about youʼ
1087 01:07:06,898 01:07:08,607 and l know something about your wife. and l know something about your wife.
1088 01:07:09,234 01:07:12,277 We must not know. We're not supposed to know We must not know. We're not supposed to know
1089 01:07:12,362 01:07:14,571 the future that is laid out for us. the future that is laid out for us.
1090 01:07:14,864 01:07:18,283 Because choices must remain for us to make. Because choices must remain for us to make.
1091 01:07:18,702 01:07:20,035 That's how it must be. That's how it must be.
1092 01:07:20,120 01:07:22,955 What are you saying that if you could learn what's gonna happen in the futureʼ What are you saying that if you could learn what's gonna happen in the futureʼ
1093 01:07:23,039 01:07:24,206 you don't even want to know? you don't even want to know?
1094 01:07:24,624 01:07:27,459 Each day must remain without horizon. Each day must remain without horizon.
1095 01:07:28,461 01:07:30,129 We save it for the now. We save it for the now.
1096 01:07:30,797 01:07:35,718 Okay yeah. l know what you're saying. That you never know how hot it is Okay yeah. l know what you're saying. That you never know how hot it is
1097 01:07:35,802 01:07:37,886 until you lose your shade tree. until you lose your shade tree.
1098 01:07:37,971 01:07:41,181 No. l speak with more elegance than that. No. l speak with more elegance than that.
1099 01:07:41,433 01:07:46,145 l'm not talking trifles from a calendar or a bumper sticker or a poster of that cat. l'm not talking trifles from a calendar or a bumper sticker or a poster of that cat.
1100 01:07:46,271 01:07:47,604 You've seen it. lt's everywhere. You've seen it. lt's everywhere.
1101 01:07:47,689 01:07:52,359 A cat hangs upside down from a tree. Underneath the cat it says "Hang in there." A cat hangs upside down from a tree. Underneath the cat it says "Hang in there."
1102 01:07:52,736 01:07:54,278 -Right. -This is nonsense. -Right. -This is nonsense.
1103 01:07:54,362 01:07:57,781 The cat must not just hang there. The cat must go fix its problems. The cat must not just hang there. The cat must go fix its problems.
1104 01:07:57,866 01:08:01,160 The cat must find the thing that gives it trouble The cat must find the thing that gives it trouble
1105 01:08:01,536 01:08:04,288 and smack that thing in the side of the head with a brick. and smack that thing in the side of the head with a brick.
1106 01:08:05,123 01:08:08,375 The cat must ask "Does your mother sew? The cat must ask "Does your mother sew?
1107 01:08:10,879 01:08:12,421 "Get her to stitch that." "Get her to stitch that."
1108 01:08:12,839 01:08:16,049 -You see what l'm saying? -Yeah cats are hard to train. l know. -You see what l'm saying? -Yeah cats are hard to train. l know.
1109 01:08:16,926 01:08:21,096 But Clem l mean Mr. Bennedetti... But Clem l mean Mr. Bennedetti...
1110 01:08:21,306 01:08:24,558 You've convinced me that we are friends in the future. Call me Clem. You've convinced me that we are friends in the future. Call me Clem.
1111 01:08:24,642 01:08:25,851 Man. Man.
1112 01:08:26,352 01:08:30,022 l love it. Well Clem you just turned my life around man. You made me rich. l love it. Well Clem you just turned my life around man. You made me rich.
1113 01:08:30,106 01:08:31,106 Me too! Me too!
1114 01:08:33,610 01:08:36,820 -Yeah. -This is like a crazy accident l saw you. -Yeah. -This is like a crazy accident l saw you.
1115 01:08:36,905 01:08:39,364 Because now l'm gonna be able to buy my kids so much stuff. Because now l'm gonna be able to buy my kids so much stuff.
1116 01:08:39,449 01:08:41,074 l'm gonna be so important to them now. l'm gonna be so important to them now.
1117 01:08:41,242 01:08:45,245 Joe l think you've not learned all the things you need to know from meʼ Joe l think you've not learned all the things you need to know from meʼ
1118 01:08:45,997 01:08:49,124 but for now there's something more important that bothers me. but for now there's something more important that bothers me.
1119 01:08:49,209 01:08:50,209 Concerns me. Concerns me.
1120 01:08:50,752 01:08:52,628 -This girl you talk about this Brandy? -Yeah. -This girl you talk about this Brandy? -Yeah.
1121 01:08:52,712 01:08:54,671 Something nags me in the back of my head. Something nags me in the back of my head.
1122 01:08:55,423 01:08:58,008 What if you miss What if you miss
1123 01:08:58,718 01:08:59,802 the first time you meet her? the first time you meet her?
1124 01:09:00,720 01:09:01,720 Everything's gonna be off. Everything's gonna be off.
1125 01:09:02,472 01:09:04,389 The future's gonna be bat-shit crazy. The future's gonna be bat-shit crazy.
1126 01:09:07,018 01:09:09,853 That's so true. That's so smart. l didn't think of that. That's so true. That's so smart. l didn't think of that.
1127 01:09:10,855 01:09:13,565 Clem l need to make it back to where l first met Brandy. Clem l need to make it back to where l first met Brandy.
1128 01:09:14,067 01:09:15,359 To make everything happen. To make everything happen.
1129 01:09:15,735 01:09:18,904 That's when her dog's balls got stuck on her porch. That's when her dog's balls got stuck on her porch.
1130 01:09:19,572 01:09:23,992 He was licking his ballsʼ and it was 40 below zero outside. He was licking his ballsʼ and it was 40 below zero outside.
1131 01:09:24,244 01:09:25,744 -What do you expect? -Yeah. -What do you expect? -Yeah.
1132 01:09:26,079 01:09:28,497 Joe let's have one for the road. Joe let's have one for the road.
1133 01:09:30,375 01:09:34,086 l don't even know if l should have a drink because l got my liver taken out. l don't even know if l should have a drink because l got my liver taken out.
1134 01:09:34,420 01:09:37,464 -Who gives a shit? Okay. -Yeah. Okay. Let's do it. -Who gives a shit? Okay. -Yeah. Okay. Let's do it.
1135 01:09:37,632 01:09:39,550 No kidney no problem. No kidney no problem.
1136 01:09:39,926 01:09:41,802 That's right. Let's do it. That's right. Let's do it.
1137 01:09:49,769 01:09:50,769 Yeah. Yeah.
1138 01:09:54,315 01:09:55,774 Daddy where are you? Daddy where are you?
1139 01:10:00,655 01:10:01,655 Man. Man.
1140 01:10:02,907 01:10:03,907 You're awake. You're awake.
1141 01:10:04,200 01:10:06,743 -Not feeling good l bet huh? -No. -Not feeling good l bet huh? -No.
1142 01:10:06,828 01:10:10,873 l think l was drunk. 'Cause you knowʼ l had some of my innards harvested. l think l was drunk. 'Cause you knowʼ l had some of my innards harvested.
1143 01:10:11,291 01:10:14,293 Yeah. That would explain the empty spots on the X-ray. Yeah. That would explain the empty spots on the X-ray.
1144 01:10:14,544 01:10:16,295 But drunk is an understatement. But drunk is an understatement.
1145 01:10:16,379 01:10:19,423 They found you running naked with a Roman candle sticking out of your ass. They found you running naked with a Roman candle sticking out of your ass.
1146 01:10:19,966 01:10:21,466 You tried to eat a bunch of pigeonsʼ You tried to eat a bunch of pigeonsʼ
1147 01:10:21,551 01:10:23,927 then you climbed onstage at a Donnie Osmond concertʼ then you climbed onstage at a Donnie Osmond concertʼ
1148 01:10:24,053 01:10:26,513 screaming "What did y'all do with Van Halen?" screaming "What did y'all do with Van Halen?"
1149 01:10:26,639 01:10:31,476 And then this huge guy punched you incredibly hard directly in your testicles. And then this huge guy punched you incredibly hard directly in your testicles.
1150 01:10:32,854 01:10:33,854 Check this out. Check this out.
1151 01:10:34,939 01:10:35,939 You're gonna love this. You're gonna love this.
1152 01:10:39,027 01:10:40,027 That's me! That's me!
1153 01:10:40,153 01:10:44,114 Your balls are basically like "Hey manʼ let's go see what his throat is talking about!" Your balls are basically like "Hey manʼ let's go see what his throat is talking about!"
1154 01:10:45,158 01:10:47,659 There was a tour bus that was driving by. There was a bunch of Japaneseʼ There was a tour bus that was driving by. There was a bunch of Japaneseʼ
1155 01:10:47,744 01:10:50,370 and you know how those people are with their cameras. and you know how those people are with their cameras.
1156 01:10:51,372 01:10:52,581 My wife is Asian! My wife is Asian!
1157 01:10:52,665 01:10:55,876 What's up with the jokes? Like what are youʼ like some grand wizard or something? What's up with the jokes? Like what are youʼ like some grand wizard or something?
1158 01:10:56,377 01:10:58,795 -No man l didn't say nothing. -You nodded. -No man l didn't say nothing. -You nodded.
1159 01:10:59,005 01:11:01,089 You nodded like a motherfucker. You nodded like a motherfucker.
1160 01:11:01,174 01:11:06,803 Anyway the punch was so masterful that your testicles are up way inside you Anyway the punch was so masterful that your testicles are up way inside you
1161 01:11:07,013 01:11:09,848 and they would have gone a lot higher had they not bounced off your heart. and they would have gone a lot higher had they not bounced off your heart.
1162 01:11:10,099 01:11:12,643 Wait my ball sack's where? Wait my ball sack's where?
1163 01:11:12,727 01:11:13,977 Your balls are in your stomach Your balls are in your stomach
1164 01:11:14,062 01:11:17,397 and your sacks are literally being digested as we speak. and your sacks are literally being digested as we speak.
1165 01:11:18,107 01:11:21,985 And that's not fantastic so what we're gonna have to do is yank them out. And that's not fantastic so what we're gonna have to do is yank them out.
1166 01:11:22,070 01:11:25,155 -You mean gently extract? -Yes. -You mean gently extract? -Yes.
1167 01:11:25,531 01:11:27,366 By extract we mean yank. By extract we mean yank.
1168 01:11:27,533 01:11:32,829 And so we have these things that look like salad tongs. Actually they are salad tongs And so we have these things that look like salad tongs. Actually they are salad tongs
1169 01:11:32,914 01:11:34,539 from the Sizzler salad bar. from the Sizzler salad bar.
1170 01:11:34,791 01:11:37,668 You know there's always some good pussy at Sizzler. You know there's always some good pussy at Sizzler.
1171 01:11:38,127 01:11:42,255 Sizzler yeah. l'm usually buried in cornbread. l don't look up. Sizzler yeah. l'm usually buried in cornbread. l don't look up.
1172 01:11:42,340 01:11:46,593 l usually say this may hurt a bitʼ but this is definitely gonna hurt. l usually say this may hurt a bitʼ but this is definitely gonna hurt.
1173 01:11:46,886 01:11:49,471 All right are you ready? Let's breathe. All right are you ready? Let's breathe.
1174 01:11:49,847 01:11:50,847 Whoa is there a parakeet! Whoa is there a parakeet!
1175 01:11:51,432 01:11:52,432 ln here? ln here?
1176 01:11:55,228 01:11:58,397 Damn man why are you yelling? Why did you yell in my ear? Damn man why are you yelling? Why did you yell in my ear?
1177 01:11:58,731 01:12:00,649 Well it hurt like a mofo! Well it hurt like a mofo!
1178 01:12:00,900 01:12:02,401 Yeah but what about my ear? Yeah but what about my ear?
1179 01:12:02,485 01:12:05,320 You could've turned your face that way. You could've screamed at that wall. You could've turned your face that way. You could've screamed at that wall.
1180 01:12:05,488 01:12:08,073 But you wanted to yell in my... Whoa! But you wanted to yell in my... Whoa!
1181 01:12:08,366 01:12:09,366 -Whoa what? -Whoa. -Whoa what? -Whoa.
1182 01:12:09,701 01:12:10,701 Whoa good news? Whoa good news?
1183 01:12:11,786 01:12:15,622 You can say that l definitely extracted your balls. You can say that l definitely extracted your balls.
1184 01:12:16,249 01:12:18,792 A lot of credit goes to the workout regimen l've been on. A lot of credit goes to the workout regimen l've been on.
1185 01:12:20,169 01:12:22,379 They're hanging a little low man. They're hanging a little low man.
1186 01:12:22,463 01:12:23,922 They do hang but how low? They do hang but how low?
1187 01:12:24,132 01:12:25,132 Remember Clackers? Remember Clackers?
1188 01:12:25,925 01:12:28,593 Clackers that's my balls. That's too far. Clackers that's my balls. That's too far.
1189 01:12:28,678 01:12:30,846 Don't worry balls have a great healing mechanism. Don't worry balls have a great healing mechanism.
1190 01:12:30,930 01:12:31,930 You'll be back May June. You'll be back May June.
1191 01:12:32,473 01:12:36,810 Wait May or June? l've got to go to Silvertown by tomorrow! Wait May or June? l've got to go to Silvertown by tomorrow!
1192 01:12:37,061 01:12:39,563 You shouldn't do that. You shouldn't travel. You shouldn't do that. You shouldn't travel.
1193 01:12:39,647 01:12:42,524 See your balls look like tube socks with lemons in them. See your balls look like tube socks with lemons in them.
1194 01:12:42,900 01:12:46,236 And that's usually the side effect from the yankotomy l performed. And that's usually the side effect from the yankotomy l performed.
1195 01:12:46,612 01:12:49,823 But if l don't go to Silvertownʼ l don't meet Brandyʼ But if l don't go to Silvertownʼ l don't meet Brandyʼ
1196 01:12:50,033 01:12:53,076 and my whole future is thrown off. Do you understand? l gotta go! and my whole future is thrown off. Do you understand? l gotta go!
1197 01:12:53,661 01:12:54,661 Okay. Okay.
1198 01:13:09,510 01:13:11,053 Good evening, folks, Good evening, folks,
1199 01:13:11,137 01:13:15,223 we'll be starting our descent into Spokane, Washington, in a few minutes. we'll be starting our descent into Spokane, Washington, in a few minutes.
1200 01:13:15,308 01:13:20,645 So, if anyone needs to use the restroom, please do so now. So, if anyone needs to use the restroom, please do so now.
1201 01:13:21,439 01:13:24,399 Good idea. l'm gonna take a pee real quick. Good idea. l'm gonna take a pee real quick.
1202 01:13:27,945 01:13:29,321 Turbulence everybody. Turbulence everybody.
1203 01:13:29,906 01:13:31,406 Give me a second. Give me a second.
1204 01:13:34,285 01:13:35,285 Are those your balls? Are those your balls?
1205 01:13:35,745 01:13:38,038 Yeah. ls that an apple? Yeah. ls that an apple?
1206 01:13:41,209 01:13:42,209 Turbulentay. Turbulentay.
1207 01:13:50,176 01:13:54,304 Dang too much turb. Gotta sit down and pee like a little girl. Dang too much turb. Gotta sit down and pee like a little girl.
1208 01:13:57,683 01:13:58,809 My nuts! My nuts!
1209 01:13:59,685 01:14:00,977 My balls! My balls!
1210 01:14:03,356 01:14:06,066 -Sir are you okay in there? -No look! -Sir are you okay in there? -No look!
1211 01:14:06,359 01:14:09,361 -My nuts got sucked in look! -Oh my God! -My nuts got sucked in look! -Oh my God!
1212 01:14:09,529 01:14:14,241 -What'd you do that for? That's so stupid. -l'm not on trial here. l did an accident. -What'd you do that for? That's so stupid. -l'm not on trial here. l did an accident.
1213 01:14:14,700 01:14:15,700 What's going on? What's going on?
1214 01:14:15,993 01:14:17,869 -Oh good sweet Lord God. -l need help. -Oh good sweet Lord God. -l need help.
1215 01:14:18,037 01:14:20,330 This man has gotten his ball sack stuck down the toilet. This man has gotten his ball sack stuck down the toilet.
1216 01:14:20,414 01:14:22,749 l just got sucked. lt's an accident. l pushed the thing. l just got sucked. lt's an accident. l pushed the thing.
1217 01:14:22,834 01:14:26,878 -l'm sorry. l quit. l hate balls to start off with. -No no no. -l'm sorry. l quit. l hate balls to start off with. -No no no.
1218 01:14:27,046 01:14:28,338 -No l'm... -Don't quit l need help! -No l'm... -Don't quit l need help!
1219 01:14:28,422 01:14:30,132 You are helping me out with this. l don't know what to do. You are helping me out with this. l don't know what to do.
1220 01:14:30,216 01:14:32,050 They didn't deal with this in stewardess school. They didn't deal with this in stewardess school.
1221 01:14:32,135 01:14:34,177 Sir you've got to lift them up when l flush. Okay? Sir you've got to lift them up when l flush. Okay?
1222 01:14:34,262 01:14:35,303 That doesn't sound like it's gonna work. That doesn't sound like it's gonna work.
1223 01:14:35,429 01:14:36,429 -One two three. -No no no! -One two three. -No no no!
1224 01:14:38,891 01:14:40,559 lt didn't work! lt didn't work. lt didn't work! lt didn't work.
1225 01:14:40,643 01:14:43,061 Well we're gonna try it again. l'm gonna try it again. One two three. Well we're gonna try it again. l'm gonna try it again. One two three.
1226 01:14:43,146 01:14:44,146 No no no! No no no!
1227 01:14:44,564 01:14:45,564 You bitch! You bitch!
1228 01:14:46,065 01:14:49,693 What're you doing? l'm sorry. Don't do it! l never say the "B" word. What're you doing? l'm sorry. Don't do it! l never say the "B" word.
1229 01:14:50,027 01:14:53,905 But it hurts too much. You can't do that. We need to think of a new strategy. But it hurts too much. You can't do that. We need to think of a new strategy.
1230 01:14:54,490 01:14:56,867 -What is going on out here ladies? -Have a look. -What is going on out here ladies? -Have a look.
1231 01:14:57,243 01:15:01,538 -What is... What the... Whoa! Whoa! -Yeah. -What is... What the... Whoa! Whoa! -Yeah.
1232 01:15:04,709 01:15:08,086 l'm gonna get you guys some help. Let's clean that up. l'm gonna get you guys some help. Let's clean that up.
1233 01:15:09,005 01:15:11,840 You want me to clean this up first or get the guy's balls out of the toilet? You want me to clean this up first or get the guy's balls out of the toilet?
1234 01:15:11,924 01:15:14,926 -Watch your face sir. lt's coming in! -Get out of here with your foot! -Watch your face sir. lt's coming in! -Get out of here with your foot!
1235 01:15:15,011 01:15:17,721 l'm gonna get you back to your seatʼ you gotta get your nuts up out of that... l'm gonna get you back to your seatʼ you gotta get your nuts up out of that...
1236 01:15:17,805 01:15:19,097 Don't kick me Jackie Chan! Don't kick me Jackie Chan!
1237 01:15:26,814 01:15:29,608 -l passed out for a minute. -Right. -l passed out for a minute. -Right.
1238 01:15:29,859 01:15:31,735 Not again you bitch! Not again you bitch!
1239 01:15:36,532 01:15:40,035 Do you really have to parade me across the tarmac? Do you really have to parade me across the tarmac?
1240 01:15:40,286 01:15:41,953 ls there not a shortcut? ls there not a shortcut?
1241 01:15:42,288 01:15:44,164 l'm out here on display. l'm out here on display.
1242 01:15:44,874 01:15:45,874 Hey gals. Hey gals.
1243 01:15:46,959 01:15:48,501 l'm usually in a Hemi. l'm usually in a Hemi.
1244 01:15:48,920 01:15:51,796 Man. ls there a second gear on this? Man. ls there a second gear on this?
1245 01:15:52,340 01:15:53,882 You see what that is right? You see it? You see what that is right? You see it?
1246 01:15:54,133 01:15:57,844 -This is crazy. -His left nut is right in that one gear. -This is crazy. -His left nut is right in that one gear.
1247 01:15:58,221 01:16:01,264 Right there in the gear box. And his other one his other nut... Right there in the gear box. And his other one his other nut...
1248 01:16:01,390 01:16:03,475 -Where'd you take off from? Miami? -Miami. -Where'd you take off from? Miami? -Miami.
1249 01:16:03,768 01:16:05,518 -His other nut's probably back in Miami. -Where? -His other nut's probably back in Miami. -Where?
1250 01:16:05,603 01:16:07,812 -They might have to ship it to you buddy. -Are you funning me? -They might have to ship it to you buddy. -Are you funning me?
1251 01:16:07,897 01:16:11,191 Just hand me pliers andʼ what do you think about a saw? Just hand me pliers andʼ what do you think about a saw?
1252 01:16:11,275 01:16:13,401 A saw? Wait like a hacksaw? A saw? Wait like a hacksaw?
1253 01:16:13,486 01:16:17,072 Like to hack it off? No no. No saw by my balls. Thanks. Like to hack it off? No no. No saw by my balls. Thanks.
1254 01:16:17,156 01:16:20,075 -Hey buddy can you let us concentrate? -How long's this gonna take? -Hey buddy can you let us concentrate? -How long's this gonna take?
1255 01:16:20,159 01:16:22,118 Like four or five hours. Whatever it doesn't matter. Like four or five hours. Whatever it doesn't matter.
1256 01:16:22,203 01:16:25,205 Four or five hours? No way man. l gotta take an airplane to ldaho. Four or five hours? No way man. l gotta take an airplane to ldaho.
1257 01:16:25,331 01:16:27,832 l gotta be honest manʼ planes are out of the question. l gotta be honest manʼ planes are out of the question.
1258 01:16:28,042 01:16:31,044 -You're gonna have to drive. -Drive? l can't drive with these balls. -You're gonna have to drive. -Drive? l can't drive with these balls.
1259 01:16:31,295 01:16:34,256 Plus l drive Moparʼ not some crummy rental car. Plus l drive Moparʼ not some crummy rental car.
1260 01:16:35,967 01:16:36,967 So I rented a car. So I rented a car.
1261 01:16:37,510 01:16:41,263 And now l was heading home, but of course l ran out of gas. Typical. And now l was heading home, but of course l ran out of gas. Typical.
1262 01:16:41,514 01:16:42,555 Everyone saw that coming. Everyone saw that coming.
1263 01:16:43,391 01:16:44,557 And then l hopped a train, And then l hopped a train,
1264 01:16:44,642 01:16:47,018 and that was fun, 'cause the guy even let me drive it for a second. and that was fun, 'cause the guy even let me drive it for a second.
1265 01:16:50,022 01:16:51,356 Well, l screwed that up fast. Well, l screwed that up fast.
1266 01:16:52,358 01:16:55,235 l didn't stick around to fill out no paperwork, l just started running. l didn't stick around to fill out no paperwork, l just started running.
1267 01:16:55,528 01:16:57,028 l'm actually a good runner. l'm actually a good runner.
1268 01:16:57,488 01:16:58,488 l'm actually not. l'm actually not.
1269 01:17:06,539 01:17:07,539 Man. Man.
1270 01:17:16,799 01:17:19,217 lf it isn't dirty Joe Dirt. lf it isn't dirty Joe Dirt.
1271 01:17:19,510 01:17:22,220 Man. Hey Foggle. Man. Hey Foggle.
1272 01:17:22,430 01:17:24,306 Phonebook's looking a little thinner these days. Phonebook's looking a little thinner these days.
1273 01:17:24,724 01:17:26,141 How 'bout you give us them boots. How 'bout you give us them boots.
1274 01:17:26,225 01:17:29,436 And we'll kill you only half as slow as we was gonna. And we'll kill you only half as slow as we was gonna.
1275 01:17:30,187 01:17:31,396 How did you find me man? How did you find me man?
1276 01:17:31,731 01:17:34,107 l met you back in 1 965. l met you back in 1 965.
1277 01:17:34,275 01:17:36,985 Joe Dirt we're the dream you can't slip. Joe Dirt we're the dream you can't slip.
1278 01:17:37,069 01:17:40,822 The ache in your heart. The darkness just outside of your light. The ache in your heart. The darkness just outside of your light.
1279 01:17:41,240 01:17:44,951 We've been hounding you since the day you was left behind like garbage We've been hounding you since the day you was left behind like garbage
1280 01:17:45,036 01:17:46,494 by your ma and pa. by your ma and pa.
1281 01:17:47,413 01:17:51,916 We're an allegory and a realityʼ and your time is up. We're an allegory and a realityʼ and your time is up.
1282 01:17:52,585 01:17:54,210 This is gonna be good. This is gonna be good.
1283 01:17:54,420 01:17:55,420 Hey. Hey.
1284 01:18:00,801 01:18:02,552 l don't like your tone. l don't like your tone.
1285 01:18:03,220 01:18:05,180 You're talking to my boy all wrong. You're talking to my boy all wrong.
1286 01:18:05,598 01:18:06,598 Clem! Clem!
1287 01:18:10,853 01:18:11,853 Who are you? Who are you?
1288 01:18:12,104 01:18:16,566 l've come to check on my boy Joe Dirt. He's my goose that lays the golden eggs. l've come to check on my boy Joe Dirt. He's my goose that lays the golden eggs.
1289 01:18:16,692 01:18:19,778 You don't mess with my gooseʼ unless you're a gander. You don't mess with my gooseʼ unless you're a gander.
1290 01:18:20,780 01:18:22,822 -Tell me are you a gander? -No! -Tell me are you a gander? -No!
1291 01:18:23,157 01:18:24,657 No l'm not a gander! No l'm not a gander!
1292 01:18:25,201 01:18:27,285 Clem l'm so glad to see you man. But l gotta get out of here. Clem l'm so glad to see you man. But l gotta get out of here.
1293 01:18:27,370 01:18:28,912 l've got to get to Brandy's house right now! l've got to get to Brandy's house right now!
1294 01:18:29,080 01:18:30,955 l want those boots pissant! l want those boots pissant!
1295 01:18:31,123 01:18:32,957 Joe go meet your woman. Joe go meet your woman.
1296 01:18:33,459 01:18:35,585 l will take care of these dunskies. l will take care of these dunskies.
1297 01:18:35,795 01:18:38,004 You know we're kind of running the show here. You know we're kind of running the show here.
1298 01:18:38,089 01:18:41,800 We've got our chains and knives. We've got our chains and knives.
1299 01:18:41,884 01:18:43,510 Don't bring a knife to a gunfight. Don't bring a knife to a gunfight.
1300 01:18:44,303 01:18:46,054 Especially if l've got the guns. Especially if l've got the guns.
1301 01:18:46,472 01:18:47,472 Not now darling. Not now darling.
1302 01:18:48,307 01:18:50,225 Hey Clemʼ you don't have to do this for me buddy. Hey Clemʼ you don't have to do this for me buddy.
1303 01:18:51,102 01:18:54,145 Joe Dirt we may meet again someday. Joe Dirt we may meet again someday.
1304 01:18:54,230 01:18:55,230 l don't know. l don't know.
1305 01:18:55,314 01:18:58,191 But for that to happenʼ you must meet your destiny. But for that to happenʼ you must meet your destiny.
1306 01:18:59,151 01:19:02,070 You've learned how hot it is when you lose your shade tree. You've learned how hot it is when you lose your shade tree.
1307 01:19:02,905 01:19:04,489 Go get your shade tree back. Go get your shade tree back.
1308 01:19:04,824 01:19:05,907 Thanks man. Thanks man.
1309 01:19:06,367 01:19:09,160 Hey by the way why doesn't it sound fruity when you say that? Hey by the way why doesn't it sound fruity when you say that?
1310 01:19:09,495 01:19:11,496 You don't have time for the explanation. You don't have time for the explanation.
1311 01:19:11,580 01:19:15,333 -l don't. Bye Foggle. l gotta go. -Joe Dirt. -l don't. Bye Foggle. l gotta go. -Joe Dirt.
1312 01:19:16,502 01:19:17,502 Joe Dirt! Joe Dirt!
1313 01:19:20,214 01:19:21,214 And you. And you.
1314 01:19:22,133 01:19:25,176 You're done with Joe Dirt. You must never haunt his dreams again. You're done with Joe Dirt. You must never haunt his dreams again.
1315 01:19:25,344 01:19:28,888 You must never be that voice of doubt that makes him think he's not good. You must never be that voice of doubt that makes him think he's not good.
1316 01:19:29,682 01:19:31,724 Your dance with Joe Dirt is done. Your dance with Joe Dirt is done.
1317 01:19:35,980 01:19:37,230 l'll let you know when it's over. l'll let you know when it's over.
1318 01:19:37,565 01:19:40,692 Hey does your mother sew? Hey does your mother sew?
1319 01:19:56,333 01:19:58,543 Get her to stitch that! Get her to stitch that!
1320 01:20:09,513 01:20:10,513 Charlie! Charlie!
1321 01:20:13,309 01:20:15,185 We've got to get you unstuck. We've got to get you unstuck.
1322 01:20:17,980 01:20:20,023 ls there anybody out there that will help me? ls there anybody out there that will help me?
1323 01:20:22,401 01:20:23,401 lt's you! lt's you!
1324 01:20:24,570 01:20:25,570 Yeah. Yeah.
1325 01:20:25,654 01:20:27,864 Thank goodness. We've gotta help Charlie. Thank goodness. We've gotta help Charlie.
1326 01:20:27,948 01:20:30,241 l was born to help Charlie. What's going on? l was born to help Charlie. What's going on?
1327 01:20:30,367 01:20:33,328 l was thinking maybe warm water and a spatula? l was thinking maybe warm water and a spatula?
1328 01:20:33,412 01:20:34,787 -That's a great idea. -Okay. -That's a great idea. -Okay.
1329 01:20:36,457 01:20:38,333 Man keep your mouth shut mutt. Man keep your mouth shut mutt.
1330 01:20:40,002 01:20:42,587 All right. l'm looking at you too. He's all good. Come on back. All right. l'm looking at you too. He's all good. Come on back.
1331 01:20:44,423 01:20:45,423 Charlie! Charlie!
1332 01:20:46,967 01:20:48,760 -Jimmy thank you! -You're welcome. -Jimmy thank you! -You're welcome.
1333 01:20:49,053 01:20:51,054 -lt ain't nothing. -How did you do that? -lt ain't nothing. -How did you do that?
1334 01:20:51,138 01:20:53,932 Don't worry about it. That's a guy thing right there. Don't worry about it. That's a guy thing right there.
1335 01:20:56,060 01:20:57,852 Brandy hey. Brandy hey.
1336 01:20:59,605 01:21:01,814 l'm sorry do l know you? l'm sorry do l know you?
1337 01:21:02,441 01:21:03,441 lt's me Brandy Joe Dirt. lt's me Brandy Joe Dirt.
1338 01:21:03,901 01:21:04,901 Joe Dirt? Joe Dirt?
1339 01:21:05,194 01:21:06,277 What kind of name is that? What kind of name is that?
1340 01:21:06,737 01:21:11,032 lt's me. We're supposed to meet hereʼ right now. Right exactly now with Charlie. lt's me. We're supposed to meet hereʼ right now. Right exactly now with Charlie.
1341 01:21:11,700 01:21:15,078 We become friendsʼ and eventually we get married. We become friendsʼ and eventually we get married.
1342 01:21:15,204 01:21:16,955 Boy what are you talking about? Boy what are you talking about?
1343 01:21:17,289 01:21:18,581 ls you wasted or something? ls you wasted or something?
1344 01:21:19,041 01:21:21,543 Mr. Dirt l can't talk right now. Mr. Dirt l can't talk right now.
1345 01:21:22,086 01:21:25,255 -Jimmy and l need to tend to my dog. -Brandy l'm rich now. -Jimmy and l need to tend to my dog. -Brandy l'm rich now.
1346 01:21:25,965 01:21:27,215 l'm super rich. l'm super rich.
1347 01:21:28,133 01:21:29,467 l'm somebody that's worth loving. l'm somebody that's worth loving.
1348 01:21:30,678 01:21:34,305 Mr. Dirt money doesn't interest me all that much. Mr. Dirt money doesn't interest me all that much.
1349 01:21:35,140 01:21:38,017 l'm more interested in a man that is kind. l'm more interested in a man that is kind.
1350 01:21:38,435 01:21:41,980 like somebody that would help a dog in distress. like somebody that would help a dog in distress.
1351 01:21:42,565 01:21:47,068 Well hell just yesterday l saved 1 5 raccoons by giving them mouth-to-mouth Well hell just yesterday l saved 1 5 raccoons by giving them mouth-to-mouth
1352 01:21:47,152 01:21:49,195 'cause they was choking on garbage and stuff. 'cause they was choking on garbage and stuff.
1353 01:21:49,488 01:21:50,822 Heck l'll save anybody. Heck l'll save anybody.
1354 01:21:51,949 01:21:53,366 Especially you Brandy. Especially you Brandy.
1355 01:21:53,617 01:21:55,952 You know 'cause l am armed! You know 'cause l am armed!
1356 01:21:56,245 01:21:58,246 A-R-M-D right there. A-R-M-D right there.
1357 01:21:59,331 01:22:00,331 Wellʼ Wellʼ
1358 01:22:00,583 01:22:02,083 it was nice meeting you Mr. Dirt. it was nice meeting you Mr. Dirt.
1359 01:22:02,626 01:22:03,626 Yeah later Dirt. Yeah later Dirt.
1360 01:22:05,838 01:22:11,676 -Jimmy would you like some ice cream? -Why hells to the yes. Get on in there! -Jimmy would you like some ice cream? -Why hells to the yes. Get on in there!
1361 01:22:31,196 01:22:32,196 And that was it. And that was it.
1362 01:22:34,033 01:22:35,033 l missed my destiny. l missed my destiny.
1363 01:22:35,951 01:22:37,118 Just like that it was all gone. Just like that it was all gone.
1364 01:22:37,870 01:22:40,872 l'm sorry Joe. l really am. l'm sorry Joe. l really am.
1365 01:22:41,040 01:22:42,957 Thanks for listening. l appreciate it. Thanks for listening. l appreciate it.
1366 01:22:43,042 01:22:45,585 Right now you're probably the only friend l have. Right now you're probably the only friend l have.
1367 01:22:47,338 01:22:48,796 There's my bus! There's my bus!
1368 01:22:49,840 01:22:50,840 See ya! See ya!
1369 01:22:57,890 01:23:00,183 Wow where's the fire lady? Wow where's the fire lady?
1370 01:23:03,020 01:23:05,063 He got kicked to the curb! He got kicked to the curb!
1371 01:23:05,189 01:23:07,523 Joe Dirt fucked up a couple things. Joe Dirt fucked up a couple things.
1372 01:23:09,068 01:23:11,319 Damn she just left him. Damn she just left him.
1373 01:23:11,695 01:23:14,822 That boy was left with nothing. That boy was left with nothing.
1374 01:23:15,699 01:23:19,577 But you know last time all he had was his freedom. But you know last time all he had was his freedom.
1375 01:23:19,828 01:23:20,828 And you know what freedom is. And you know what freedom is.
1376 01:23:21,038 01:23:22,038 Yeah. Yeah.
1377 01:23:22,122 01:23:26,250 Just another word for nothing left to lose. Just another word for nothing left to lose.
1378 01:23:28,712 01:23:32,590 Look at you all growed up and being Starsky and Putz! Look at you all growed up and being Starsky and Putz!
1379 01:23:33,759 01:23:35,426 l had a cousin named Randy. l had a cousin named Randy.
1380 01:23:40,599 01:23:41,599 Yeah. Yeah.
1381 01:23:42,935 01:23:46,896 But much like Ned Beatty braced against the shale wall in DeIiverance, But much like Ned Beatty braced against the shale wall in DeIiverance,
1382 01:23:47,272 01:23:49,982 this time he's got shit tons to lose. this time he's got shit tons to lose.
1383 01:23:50,776 01:23:55,697 But come on it's Joe Dirt. There's always one more ace up his wife-beater. But come on it's Joe Dirt. There's always one more ace up his wife-beater.
1384 01:23:55,781 01:23:57,073 Let's pick this story back up. Let's pick this story back up.
1385 01:23:58,742 01:24:00,118 Get out of the road! Get out of the road!
1386 01:24:07,251 01:24:08,251 What's up? What's up?
1387 01:24:09,253 01:24:12,630 Hey dude. Where'd you come from? You scared the crap out of me. Hey dude. Where'd you come from? You scared the crap out of me.
1388 01:24:13,799 01:24:16,259 Looks like you've just completely given up huh Joe? Looks like you've just completely given up huh Joe?
1389 01:24:16,468 01:24:19,595 Look out... Man that carjust drove through you! Look out... Man that carjust drove through you!
1390 01:24:19,805 01:24:23,725 Like a car driving through you. Are you some sort of ghost or something? Like a car driving through you. Are you some sort of ghost or something?
1391 01:24:24,518 01:24:28,104 Ghost-like. Yeah check this out. Put your hand right here. Just touch it. Ghost-like. Yeah check this out. Put your hand right here. Just touch it.
1392 01:24:28,480 01:24:31,190 No that's your private parts man. No that's your private parts man.
1393 01:24:31,567 01:24:33,651 Private but you're invited. Go ahead. Put it right there. Private but you're invited. Go ahead. Put it right there.
1394 01:24:33,736 01:24:36,529 lt'll go right through me. l won't even feel it. l won't even feel it. Go ahead. lt'll go right through me. l won't even feel it. l won't even feel it. Go ahead.
1395 01:24:36,613 01:24:39,323 -Really? All right l ain't being fruity. -Yeah. All right. -Really? All right l ain't being fruity. -Yeah. All right.
1396 01:24:39,742 01:24:40,950 lt did! lt did!
1397 01:24:42,828 01:24:46,664 -That felt nice. -No man don't say that. That's wrong. -That felt nice. -No man don't say that. That's wrong.
1398 01:24:46,749 01:24:49,375 You could've bought me dinner first. We just met. You could've bought me dinner first. We just met.
1399 01:24:50,085 01:24:51,961 You talk slow but you move fast. You talk slow but you move fast.
1400 01:24:52,045 01:24:54,881 Yeah it's like there's a dog whistle in my pants and only you can hear it. Yeah it's like there's a dog whistle in my pants and only you can hear it.
1401 01:24:55,090 01:24:57,300 Do it again one more time l wanna see if you can get me off again. Do it again one more time l wanna see if you can get me off again.
1402 01:24:57,384 01:25:00,011 No l didn't get you off manʼ l ain't no party boy. No l didn't get you off manʼ l ain't no party boy.
1403 01:25:00,929 01:25:03,431 Come on Joe. l'm just messing with you. l was trying to lighten the mood. Come on Joe. l'm just messing with you. l was trying to lighten the mood.
1404 01:25:03,515 01:25:05,767 l never figured you for a quitter. l never figured you for a quitter.
1405 01:25:05,851 01:25:09,353 Weren't you the guy who once saidʼ "Life's a garden dig it?" Weren't you the guy who once saidʼ "Life's a garden dig it?"
1406 01:25:10,230 01:25:14,567 Yeah l also said "Say it don't spray it." But that Joe's gone man. Yeah l also said "Say it don't spray it." But that Joe's gone man.
1407 01:25:14,818 01:25:17,403 "Life's a garden dig itʼ" ain't nothing but a bumper sticker. "Life's a garden dig itʼ" ain't nothing but a bumper sticker.
1408 01:25:17,738 01:25:21,032 Well don't you think that sometimes bumper stickers have a little bit of truth in them? Well don't you think that sometimes bumper stickers have a little bit of truth in them?
1409 01:25:21,241 01:25:26,078 Yeah you know the one that says "Wrap it in latex or she'll get your paychecks." Yeah you know the one that says "Wrap it in latex or she'll get your paychecks."
1410 01:25:26,371 01:25:28,372 -That one's got lots of truth. Yeah. -Sure. -That one's got lots of truth. Yeah. -Sure.
1411 01:25:28,499 01:25:32,210 Sure and then l remember that one that said "Coexist." Sure and then l remember that one that said "Coexist."
1412 01:25:33,545 01:25:35,046 Yeah that's not as funny. Yeah that's not as funny.
1413 01:25:35,506 01:25:39,300 And then they took the coexist and they changed it to "Joe-exist" And then they took the coexist and they changed it to "Joe-exist"
1414 01:25:39,760 01:25:41,511 to put his hands on dick. to put his hands on dick.
1415 01:25:41,595 01:25:43,971 Come on Joe. l want you to come with me. l want to show you something. Come on Joe. l want you to come with me. l want to show you something.
1416 01:25:44,056 01:25:45,181 l wanna take you to Silvertown. l wanna take you to Silvertown.
1417 01:25:45,557 01:25:50,228 Silvertown? No way man. That place is 1 ʼ000 miles away. Literally and finger... Silvertown? No way man. That place is 1 ʼ000 miles away. Literally and finger...
1418 01:25:50,979 01:25:51,979 And fig... And fig...
1419 01:25:52,564 01:25:54,398 Fig Newtonally. Fig Newtonally.
1420 01:25:54,942 01:25:56,442 Were you going for "Figuratively"? Were you going for "Figuratively"?
1421 01:25:56,527 01:25:57,652 'Cause l know that you were just going for some 'Cause l know that you were just going for some
1422 01:25:57,736 01:25:59,737 homo action in my pants just a minute ago. homo action in my pants just a minute ago.
1423 01:26:00,155 01:26:02,365 Joe when you're with me Silvertown is just a second away. Joe when you're with me Silvertown is just a second away.
1424 01:26:04,284 01:26:05,284 All right. All right.
1425 01:26:10,791 01:26:13,042 Wait a second is this Silvertown? Wait a second is this Silvertown?
1426 01:26:13,919 01:26:16,003 Man it's all gone to hell. What happened? Man it's all gone to hell. What happened?
1427 01:26:16,421 01:26:19,340 You didn't happen Joe. lt all went to hell. You didn't happen Joe. lt all went to hell.
1428 01:26:19,758 01:26:25,096 Although my guess is you would have rather had it go to the Thunder Down Under. Although my guess is you would have rather had it go to the Thunder Down Under.
1429 01:26:25,931 01:26:28,724 The Thunder Down Under show? That's a bunch of dudes dancing around. The Thunder Down Under show? That's a bunch of dudes dancing around.
1430 01:26:28,809 01:26:31,018 Why do you keep saying crap like that? Why do you keep saying crap like that?
1431 01:26:31,311 01:26:33,104 You couldn't wait to get your hand on my dick. You couldn't wait to get your hand on my dick.
1432 01:26:33,397 01:26:35,940 And l get it you know we all want what we can't have. And l get it you know we all want what we can't have.
1433 01:26:36,441 01:26:38,818 You want to touch what's on the other side of the lightʼ You want to touch what's on the other side of the lightʼ
1434 01:26:38,902 01:26:41,028 and the closest thing to you was my dick. and the closest thing to you was my dick.
1435 01:26:41,113 01:26:43,155 But you wanted to wear it like a fucking wristwatchʼ But you wanted to wear it like a fucking wristwatchʼ
1436 01:26:43,240 01:26:45,366 which would be great right? Then you could sayʼ which would be great right? Then you could sayʼ
1437 01:26:45,909 01:26:48,953 "What time is it? lt's 1 5 minutes to dick." "What time is it? lt's 1 5 minutes to dick."
1438 01:26:49,538 01:26:51,747 Snapper 1 1 o'clock. Snapper 1 1 o'clock.
1439 01:26:52,207 01:26:53,207 Nine o'clock. Nine o'clock.
1440 01:26:53,709 01:26:54,709 Snapper. Snapper.
1441 01:26:56,295 01:26:59,547 l'd drink a gallon of her piss just to see where it came from. l'd drink a gallon of her piss just to see where it came from.
1442 01:27:00,799 01:27:02,466 That's nice. Yeah yeah. That's nice. Yeah yeah.
1443 01:27:02,968 01:27:05,011 l've got Brandy she's my girl and l don't... l've got Brandy she's my girl and l don't...
1444 01:27:05,095 01:27:07,263 But l guess what they say you knowʼ But l guess what they say you knowʼ
1445 01:27:07,347 01:27:09,932 "You're on a diet don't mean you can't look at the menu." "You're on a diet don't mean you can't look at the menu."
1446 01:27:10,726 01:27:11,726 Right? Right?
1447 01:27:11,810 01:27:14,312 Just because you're petting the dog don't mean you can't have sex with it. Just because you're petting the dog don't mean you can't have sex with it.
1448 01:27:14,396 01:27:15,897 -Right? -l don't know. -Right? -l don't know.
1449 01:27:15,981 01:27:19,692 You're creeping me out. You're so creepy. You're so creepy. You're creeping me out. You're so creepy. You're so creepy.
1450 01:27:19,902 01:27:21,611 My dick had you at hello and now you're My dick had you at hello and now you're
1451 01:27:21,695 01:27:23,779 talking about having sex with animals and shit. talking about having sex with animals and shit.
1452 01:27:23,864 01:27:25,072 l don't get you. l don't get you.
1453 01:27:25,157 01:27:27,867 No dude. Okay you're twisting things around. No dude. Okay you're twisting things around.
1454 01:27:27,951 01:27:30,077 l just said Silvertown looks way differentʼ l just said Silvertown looks way differentʼ
1455 01:27:30,287 01:27:33,789 but l didn't say sex with animalsʼ that don't turn me on man that's... but l didn't say sex with animalsʼ that don't turn me on man that's...
1456 01:27:34,541 01:27:36,167 That's weird stuff l mean... That's weird stuff l mean...
1457 01:27:37,085 01:27:38,419 Maybe Jessica Rabbit... Maybe Jessica Rabbit...
1458 01:27:40,923 01:27:44,091 lt's not called Silvertown anymore. Jimmy Yauch bought this jointʼ lt's not called Silvertown anymore. Jimmy Yauch bought this jointʼ
1459 01:27:44,176 01:27:46,093 changed its name to Jimmy Town. changed its name to Jimmy Town.
1460 01:27:46,178 01:27:47,595 What... What...
1461 01:27:47,679 01:27:49,847 What? Dude why would he do that? What? Dude why would he do that?
1462 01:27:50,515 01:27:52,975 Well he got rich Joe. He got rich as hell. Well he got rich Joe. He got rich as hell.
1463 01:27:53,060 01:27:57,939 But all he does anymore is sit around and pop Molly cut with ketamine and shit. But all he does anymore is sit around and pop Molly cut with ketamine and shit.
1464 01:27:58,023 01:27:59,273 Trip his balls off. Trip his balls off.
1465 01:27:59,358 01:28:02,151 Joe about what happened back thereʼ you know when you fisted me? Joe about what happened back thereʼ you know when you fisted me?
1466 01:28:02,235 01:28:04,362 l don't want things to get weird between the two of us. l don't want things to get weird between the two of us.
1467 01:28:04,571 01:28:07,531 But if l could just be serious for a second "What do balls taste like?" But if l could just be serious for a second "What do balls taste like?"
1468 01:28:08,325 01:28:10,076 You know did you go to guardian angel school? You know did you go to guardian angel school?
1469 01:28:10,160 01:28:12,536 Because l feel like maybe you flunked out. Because l feel like maybe you flunked out.
1470 01:28:13,705 01:28:15,456 Hey! Hey you little punks! Hey! Hey you little punks!
1471 01:28:15,749 01:28:16,999 Come back here! Come back here!
1472 01:28:18,919 01:28:20,878 Third time this week kids have ripped me off. Third time this week kids have ripped me off.
1473 01:28:21,171 01:28:24,173 This used to be a town for familiesʼ community. This used to be a town for familiesʼ community.
1474 01:28:24,257 01:28:25,299 Yeah. Yeah.
1475 01:28:25,384 01:28:26,968 l don't know the last few decadesʼ l don't know the last few decadesʼ
1476 01:28:27,386 01:28:30,888 hell something's gone missing. lt's like... Well it's like the glue is gone. hell something's gone missing. lt's like... Well it's like the glue is gone.
1477 01:28:31,181 01:28:33,599 Someone stole Silvertown's glue? Someone stole Silvertown's glue?
1478 01:28:33,684 01:28:36,811 Wait is that one of them metaphors you talked about? Wait is that one of them metaphors you talked about?
1479 01:28:36,895 01:28:40,022 -Who are you talking to? -Oh sorry man. This here is Clair. -Who are you talking to? -Oh sorry man. This here is Clair.
1480 01:28:40,107 01:28:41,107 He can't see me Joe. He can't see me Joe.
1481 01:28:42,109 01:28:45,778 For Christ's sakeʼ kids ripping off comic booksʼ For Christ's sakeʼ kids ripping off comic booksʼ
1482 01:28:45,862 01:28:49,907 assholes standing around talking to themselves. lt's all just bullshit! assholes standing around talking to themselves. lt's all just bullshit!
1483 01:28:53,870 01:28:54,870 Man. Man.
1484 01:28:55,706 01:28:59,208 Joe? Brandy's just outside of town. Joe? Brandy's just outside of town.
1485 01:29:00,419 01:29:01,419 Brandy lives here? Brandy lives here?
1486 01:29:01,586 01:29:03,337 This don't seem like her kind of place at all. This don't seem like her kind of place at all.
1487 01:29:03,422 01:29:05,464 Well these days this is her kind of place. Well these days this is her kind of place.
1488 01:29:05,841 01:29:09,343 Her life went down a different path on the day that she didn't meet you. Her life went down a different path on the day that she didn't meet you.
1489 01:29:09,636 01:29:14,432 She's changed. l mean she is still cute as a little puppy. She's changed. l mean she is still cute as a little puppy.
1490 01:29:14,516 01:29:18,269 lf that little puppy had great tits and a nice ass. lf that little puppy had great tits and a nice ass.
1491 01:29:18,353 01:29:19,353 Man... Man...
1492 01:29:19,438 01:29:23,190 lt's like diarrhea l can't stop. You should see for yourself though. lt's like diarrhea l can't stop. You should see for yourself though.
1493 01:29:25,944 01:29:27,862 Hey man how did you do that? Hey man how did you do that?
1494 01:29:27,946 01:29:32,116 Well because l'm an angel you moron! Well because l'm an angel you moron!
1495 01:29:37,706 01:29:42,293 -Joe l want you to find Brandy. -Okay. -Joe l want you to find Brandy. -Okay.
1496 01:29:53,221 01:29:56,724 You hear that? lt's poetry. You hear that? lt's poetry.
1497 01:29:56,850 01:29:57,850 Poetry? Poetry?
1498 01:29:57,934 01:30:02,063 Brandy finally gave me the gift l knew she always had to give. Brandy finally gave me the gift l knew she always had to give.
1499 01:30:02,147 01:30:04,065 All the great words. All the great words.
1500 01:30:05,150 01:30:07,610 The great magical turns of a phrase. The great magical turns of a phrase.
1501 01:30:07,903 01:30:11,489 That lives within me now and informs my music. That lives within me now and informs my music.
1502 01:30:11,823 01:30:14,825 lt's all because of her. So you know what l'm thinking? lt's all because of her. So you know what l'm thinking?
1503 01:30:15,035 01:30:16,702 You all want to get wasted? You all want to get wasted?
1504 01:30:16,787 01:30:17,995 -Yeah! -Get real wasted real fast! -Yeah! -Get real wasted real fast!
1505 01:30:18,163 01:30:20,164 -Yeah! -Party like a rock star? -Yeah! -Party like a rock star?
1506 01:30:20,248 01:30:21,290 Well all right! Well all right!
1507 01:30:21,374 01:30:22,917 Yeah! Yeah!
1508 01:30:23,001 01:30:24,919 Here's what l'm thinking tampons! Here's what l'm thinking tampons!
1509 01:30:26,838 01:30:28,130 Come on man hear me out man. Come on man hear me out man.
1510 01:30:28,215 01:30:31,634 You soak them in vodka and then we shove them straight up our asses. You soak them in vodka and then we shove them straight up our asses.
1511 01:30:34,179 01:30:35,262 Wait what? Wait what?
1512 01:30:35,347 01:30:37,056 No no it will get you hammered ASAP man. No no it will get you hammered ASAP man.
1513 01:30:37,140 01:30:38,766 Mark McGrath does it every night. Mark McGrath does it every night.
1514 01:30:38,850 01:30:40,726 l don't know. That seems weird a little. l don't know. That seems weird a little.
1515 01:30:40,852 01:30:42,686 Do you guys question the iPhone? Do you guys question the iPhone?
1516 01:30:43,647 01:30:45,689 Well yeah but this seems different than an iPhone. Well yeah but this seems different than an iPhone.
1517 01:30:46,066 01:30:48,109 You can't compare an iPhone with a tampon. You can't compare an iPhone with a tampon.
1518 01:30:48,193 01:30:52,947 Stop being such a bunch of pussies now! l demand you to stop being pussies. Stop being such a bunch of pussies now! l demand you to stop being pussies.
1519 01:30:53,031 01:30:56,867 Now start to soaking and get to shoving! Now start to soaking and get to shoving!
1520 01:30:56,993 01:30:59,370 Or you're out of my entourage! All of youse! Or you're out of my entourage! All of youse!
1521 01:30:59,454 01:31:00,663 Keep soaking and shoving. Soak and shove. Keep soaking and shoving. Soak and shove.
1522 01:31:00,747 01:31:02,748 -l want to hear you boys say it now. -Soak and shove. -l want to hear you boys say it now. -Soak and shove.
1523 01:31:02,874 01:31:05,084 You better be right about that. You better be right about that.
1524 01:31:05,210 01:31:07,920 -All right. -Oh yeah. -All right. -Oh yeah.
1525 01:31:08,046 01:31:09,672 lt's hard to get in there boss. lt's hard to get in there boss.
1526 01:31:09,756 01:31:13,008 Don't worry about it man. Just keep shoving it will get there. lt will get there. Don't worry about it man. Just keep shoving it will get there. lt will get there.
1527 01:31:17,264 01:31:18,556 How are you doing Cal? How are you doing Cal?
1528 01:31:18,723 01:31:21,392 Eight nine 1 0... Eight nine 1 0...
1529 01:31:21,726 01:31:26,772 Oh yeah 14! These things are going up like easy-peasy. Oh yeah 14! These things are going up like easy-peasy.
1530 01:31:30,235 01:31:32,611 -What? -Fourteen? -What? -Fourteen?
1531 01:31:33,613 01:31:36,949 What do you say? What? Who said that? What do you say? What? Who said that?
1532 01:31:37,826 01:31:41,328 What are you saying? l thought l was eating them? What are you saying? l thought l was eating them?
1533 01:31:41,746 01:31:43,831 -l thought you said eat them? -He wasn't eating them man. -l thought you said eat them? -He wasn't eating them man.
1534 01:31:43,915 01:31:46,167 You said eat them. l had like 14. You said eat them. l had like 14.
1535 01:31:46,251 01:31:48,252 l was eating them. They taste like cotton candy. l was eating them. They taste like cotton candy.
1536 01:31:48,336 01:31:50,629 Wait a minute did you say butt man? Wait a minute did you say butt man?
1537 01:31:50,881 01:31:54,341 Oh my God Jimmy. He was putting them up his butt. Oh my God Jimmy. He was putting them up his butt.
1538 01:31:54,426 01:31:57,595 This guy! This guy was putting them up his butt. This guy! This guy was putting them up his butt.
1539 01:31:57,888 01:31:59,930 What an idiot! What an idiot! What an idiot! What an idiot!
1540 01:32:01,850 01:32:04,852 They all went up your butt Cal. l seen them all go up your butt. They all went up your butt Cal. l seen them all go up your butt.
1541 01:32:04,936 01:32:07,188 No. No! This sucks! No. No! This sucks!
1542 01:32:07,272 01:32:10,441 No! l'm done with this party! You suck Jimmy! No! l'm done with this party! You suck Jimmy!
1543 01:32:10,609 01:32:14,111 No you don't suck. You're great man. l love you. You're awesome. You're the best. No you don't suck. You're great man. l love you. You're awesome. You're the best.
1544 01:32:14,279 01:32:16,113 You're the best. He sucks! You're the best. He sucks!
1545 01:32:16,198 01:32:18,616 No l'm out. This is terrible. No l'm out. This is terrible.
1546 01:32:18,700 01:32:20,618 -Dude stay! Stay! Stay! Hey! -Jimmy this is stupid. -Dude stay! Stay! Stay! Hey! -Jimmy this is stupid.
1547 01:32:20,744 01:32:22,912 No Jimmy. What a dumb idea! No Jimmy. What a dumb idea!
1548 01:32:23,121 01:32:25,414 Jimmy we got a situation out here. Jimmy we got a situation out here.
1549 01:32:25,498 01:32:27,666 Come on man. We're doing a science experiment here. Come on man. We're doing a science experiment here.
1550 01:32:27,959 01:32:30,002 Yeah but there's this guy out here. Yeah but there's this guy out here.
1551 01:32:30,837 01:32:31,879 What's up? What's up?
1552 01:32:31,963 01:32:34,381 Look man. We caught this dude without an invitation. Look man. We caught this dude without an invitation.
1553 01:32:34,466 01:32:35,841 You want me to throw his ass out? You want me to throw his ass out?
1554 01:32:36,468 01:32:39,053 -l know you right? -You know me yeah! -l know you right? -You know me yeah!
1555 01:32:39,137 01:32:42,640 lt's Joe Dirt. Jimmy l can't believe you're such a huge star. lt's Joe Dirt. Jimmy l can't believe you're such a huge star.
1556 01:32:42,724 01:32:43,974 This big house man. This big house man.
1557 01:32:44,100 01:32:46,227 lt seems like just yesterday we was hanging out at the gas station... lt seems like just yesterday we was hanging out at the gas station...
1558 01:32:46,311 01:32:50,481 Now hold up a second. l ain't never hung out with nobody named Joe Dirt. Now hold up a second. l ain't never hung out with nobody named Joe Dirt.
1559 01:32:50,815 01:32:52,650 And l ain't about to start right now. And l ain't about to start right now.
1560 01:32:55,278 01:32:56,278 Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
1561 01:32:57,280 01:32:59,865 You knowʼ l think l confused you for somebody. You knowʼ l think l confused you for somebody.
1562 01:32:59,991 01:33:01,158 Yeah l think you did. Yeah l think you did.
1563 01:33:01,243 01:33:04,745 Hey get this boy a drink. Maybe clear his head up a little bit. Hey get this boy a drink. Maybe clear his head up a little bit.
1564 01:33:04,871 01:33:06,997 -Nah man l'm cool. -No you ain't. -Nah man l'm cool. -No you ain't.
1565 01:33:07,999 01:33:09,833 Dang l walk into that every time. Dang l walk into that every time.
1566 01:33:10,168 01:33:12,294 Hey is Brandy around? Hey is Brandy around?
1567 01:33:12,420 01:33:14,171 -What did you say? -ls Brandy here? -What did you say? -ls Brandy here?
1568 01:33:14,297 01:33:16,173 Oh you asking about Brandy now? Oh you asking about Brandy now?
1569 01:33:16,299 01:33:19,677 You coming up in my houseʼ actin' all buddy-buddy likeʼ You coming up in my houseʼ actin' all buddy-buddy likeʼ
1570 01:33:19,844 01:33:21,262 and now you're hitting on my wife? and now you're hitting on my wife?
1571 01:33:21,471 01:33:22,471 No l didn't mean... No l didn't mean...
1572 01:33:22,555 01:33:25,099 Your wife? Brandy's not your... Your wife? Brandy's not your...
1573 01:33:25,308 01:33:26,892 -Yeah. -What? -Yeah. -What?
1574 01:33:27,394 01:33:32,898 Oh my God! When you took my place on the porch saving Charlie's balls that's right. Oh my God! When you took my place on the porch saving Charlie's balls that's right.
1575 01:33:33,233 01:33:34,441 Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
1576 01:33:34,526 01:33:37,903 You're that dude that walked up on me and Brandy that night on the porch You're that dude that walked up on me and Brandy that night on the porch
1577 01:33:37,988 01:33:41,448 when l was saving that stupid muttʼ or something like that. when l was saving that stupid muttʼ or something like that.
1578 01:33:41,533 01:33:44,034 And you was talking aboutʼ "Oh Brandy l love you. And you was talking aboutʼ "Oh Brandy l love you.
1579 01:33:44,119 01:33:46,996 "l got so much money it's coming out of my butt." "l got so much money it's coming out of my butt."
1580 01:33:47,080 01:33:49,290 lt's no wonder Colt Ford wrote a song about you. lt's no wonder Colt Ford wrote a song about you.
1581 01:33:49,374 01:33:51,083 Colt Ford wrote a song about me? Colt Ford wrote a song about me?
1582 01:33:51,167 01:33:53,085 Yeah, man. The Ballad of Joe Dirt. Yeah, man. The Ballad of Joe Dirt.
1583 01:33:53,712 01:33:56,714 And here you are stupid mulletʼ And here you are stupid mulletʼ
1584 01:33:57,382 01:34:00,551 stupid face and all of that. stupid face and all of that.
1585 01:34:03,096 01:34:05,097 Hello ladies! Hello ladies!
1586 01:34:07,183 01:34:09,226 Lookey here lookey here! Lookey here lookey here!
1587 01:34:09,769 01:34:12,062 Hey Jimmy ain't you just say you married to Brandy now? Hey Jimmy ain't you just say you married to Brandy now?
1588 01:34:13,815 01:34:18,610 She does her thing l do my thing. That's the way that thing goes. She does her thing l do my thing. That's the way that thing goes.
1589 01:34:19,571 01:34:21,363 How you doing? Where are your friends at? How you doing? Where are your friends at?
1590 01:34:21,573 01:34:24,241 Have you seen the Jacuzzi yet? You're going to love it. Have you seen the Jacuzzi yet? You're going to love it.
1591 01:34:24,534 01:34:25,993 Come on now. You got a twin sister? Come on now. You got a twin sister?
1592 01:34:26,077 01:34:27,202 Not cool. Not cool.
1593 01:34:31,875 01:34:32,875 Hey! Hey!
1594 01:34:33,835 01:34:34,877 Brandy! Brandy!
1595 01:34:37,255 01:34:39,089 -How do l light this? -This way babe. -How do l light this? -This way babe.
1596 01:34:39,758 01:34:40,924 You do it. You do it.
1597 01:34:41,843 01:34:43,302 This way silly. This way silly.
1598 01:34:44,429 01:34:45,429 Brandy? Brandy?
1599 01:34:46,514 01:34:47,598 Hey! Hey!
1600 01:34:49,017 01:34:51,894 Hey! l remember you. Hey! l remember you.
1601 01:34:52,562 01:34:54,271 You're that rich guy. You're that rich guy.
1602 01:34:54,356 01:34:56,732 You were going to help me with Charlie when he was stuck. You were going to help me with Charlie when he was stuck.
1603 01:34:56,816 01:34:58,901 -Yeah. -Until Jimmy beat you to itʼ -Yeah. -Until Jimmy beat you to itʼ
1604 01:34:58,985 01:35:00,486 and helped me instead. and helped me instead.
1605 01:35:01,696 01:35:04,448 Might have been the last time Jimmy helped me with anything. Might have been the last time Jimmy helped me with anything.
1606 01:35:05,367 01:35:08,494 Look it's the moron with the Tennessee top hat. Look it's the moron with the Tennessee top hat.
1607 01:35:09,954 01:35:11,413 Tennessee top hat. Tennessee top hat.
1608 01:35:12,415 01:35:14,958 That's actually a good one fellas. l had not heard that one before. That's actually a good one fellas. l had not heard that one before.
1609 01:35:15,460 01:35:16,960 -They've got some new stuff. -Oh yeah? -They've got some new stuff. -Oh yeah?
1610 01:35:17,087 01:35:19,880 l bet you never heard that you're a winner either! l bet you never heard that you're a winner either!
1611 01:35:21,132 01:35:22,508 Jimmy would have liked that one! Jimmy would have liked that one!
1612 01:35:22,926 01:35:24,093 l love Jimmy! l love Jimmy!
1613 01:35:24,302 01:35:25,594 Where is Jimmy? Where is Jimmy?
1614 01:35:25,845 01:35:27,638 Forget about Jimmy baby. Forget about Jimmy baby.
1615 01:35:28,181 01:35:30,974 -You're with me now. -Katrina you're so sweet. -You're with me now. -Katrina you're so sweet.
1616 01:35:31,142 01:35:33,811 -You're such a good friend to me. -Oh yeah. -You're such a good friend to me. -Oh yeah.
1617 01:35:33,978 01:35:36,522 You look so hot tonight Brandy. You look so hot tonight Brandy.
1618 01:35:37,399 01:35:39,858 -Doesn't she look hot boys? -Yeah! -Doesn't she look hot boys? -Yeah!
1619 01:35:41,277 01:35:43,237 l don't think she looks that hot. l don't think she looks that hot.
1620 01:35:43,822 01:35:46,657 l mean she's gorgeousʼ l mean she's gorgeousʼ
1621 01:35:46,825 01:35:49,660 but that's not the Brandy l'm used to. You don't look like that. but that's not the Brandy l'm used to. You don't look like that.
1622 01:35:49,744 01:35:51,995 l mean you look slutty hot and that's good. l mean you look slutty hot and that's good.
1623 01:35:52,163 01:35:54,915 Slutty hot is goodʼ it's just not the regular hot. Slutty hot is goodʼ it's just not the regular hot.
1624 01:35:55,208 01:35:57,501 But believe me there's a place for slutty hot guys like that. But believe me there's a place for slutty hot guys like that.
1625 01:35:57,710 01:36:00,879 But Brandy isn't that kind of hotʼ you're innocent sweet hot. But Brandy isn't that kind of hotʼ you're innocent sweet hot.
1626 01:36:01,131 01:36:04,633 l mean sluts are great. You know what? l'm digging a hole. l can get out of it. l mean sluts are great. You know what? l'm digging a hole. l can get out of it.
1627 01:36:05,218 01:36:07,386 Brandy what's been happening in Silvertown? Brandy what's been happening in Silvertown?
1628 01:36:14,352 01:36:16,395 Brandy's been happening. Brandy's been happening.
1629 01:36:17,105 01:36:20,607 Oh boy l didn't think those M's was ever going to stop. Oh boy l didn't think those M's was ever going to stop.
1630 01:36:21,025 01:36:22,985 This girl's got more M's than M&M's. This girl's got more M's than M&M's.
1631 01:36:24,696 01:36:25,821 'Cause M&M's... 'Cause M&M's...
1632 01:36:26,156 01:36:27,698 No laughs. Absolutely zero. No laughs. Absolutely zero.
1633 01:36:27,782 01:36:29,366 When Jimmy's here you laugh at everything... When Jimmy's here you laugh at everything...
1634 01:36:29,492 01:36:31,034 He cuts a fartʼ everyone cracks up for two hours. He cuts a fartʼ everyone cracks up for two hours.
1635 01:36:31,119 01:36:34,037 This town is called Jimmy Town now. This town is called Jimmy Town now.
1636 01:36:34,789 01:36:38,500 My husband renamed it. l kind of miss the old name. My husband renamed it. l kind of miss the old name.
1637 01:36:39,711 01:36:41,253 And all that came with it. And all that came with it.
1638 01:36:42,547 01:36:43,672 Brandy? Brandy?
1639 01:36:43,882 01:36:47,384 l'd like to be all that came with it to you. l'd like to be all that came with it to you.
1640 01:36:48,678 01:36:50,345 Katrina that tickles. Katrina that tickles.
1641 01:36:50,722 01:36:53,849 Jimmy will get mad. He always gets mad. Jimmy will get mad. He always gets mad.
1642 01:36:54,309 01:36:57,811 No he'll just grab a camera and pop a rod. No he'll just grab a camera and pop a rod.
1643 01:36:58,229 01:37:00,397 You're just a lost little girl Brandy. You're just a lost little girl Brandy.
1644 01:37:00,773 01:37:02,441 l didn't used to be. l didn't used to be.
1645 01:37:02,901 01:37:06,153 l used to be a strong independent woman. l used to be a strong independent woman.
1646 01:37:06,696 01:37:08,614 l don't know what happened to me. l don't know what happened to me.
1647 01:37:08,990 01:37:11,366 -lt could be the heroin. -Heroin man? -lt could be the heroin. -Heroin man?
1648 01:37:11,826 01:37:14,244 What's going on in this town? lt's all mixed up. What's going on in this town? lt's all mixed up.
1649 01:37:14,662 01:37:17,414 l don't know what is and isn't mixed up anymore. l don't know what is and isn't mixed up anymore.
1650 01:37:17,499 01:37:19,124 You're so deep Brandy. You're so deep Brandy.
1651 01:37:19,209 01:37:21,585 You like when l do this to you don't you? You like when l do this to you don't you?
1652 01:37:22,253 01:37:25,756 l bet you're wearing those silk little panties l bought for you ain't you? l bet you're wearing those silk little panties l bought for you ain't you?
1653 01:37:26,382 01:37:29,134 Don't say ain't or your mother will faint. Don't say ain't or your mother will faint.
1654 01:37:29,219 01:37:33,013 -Your father will fall into a bucket of paint. -Your father will fall into a bucket of paint. -Your father will fall into a bucket of paint. -Your father will fall into a bucket of paint.
1655 01:37:34,265 01:37:37,142 Wow. You and me. Wow. You and me.
1656 01:37:37,977 01:37:40,020 We have a connection Joe Dirt. We have a connection Joe Dirt.
1657 01:37:40,104 01:37:41,271 We used to always say that. We used to always say that.
1658 01:37:41,523 01:37:45,275 l say it all the time to our kids... To my kids. l say it all the time to our kids... To my kids.
1659 01:37:46,444 01:37:49,530 Kiss me Brandy. Like you mean it girl. Kiss me Brandy. Like you mean it girl.
1660 01:37:50,156 01:37:53,242 Don't be halfway with me no more Brandy. Don't be halfway with me no more Brandy.
1661 01:37:53,368 01:37:56,954 Okay that's it. Show's over everybody. Stop it right there that's enough. Okay that's it. Show's over everybody. Stop it right there that's enough.
1662 01:37:57,080 01:37:58,622 -What are you doing? -What the hell? -What are you doing? -What the hell?
1663 01:37:58,706 01:37:59,790 What are you queer? What are you queer?
1664 01:38:01,751 01:38:04,127 Brandy in another life we get marriedʼ we fall in love. Brandy in another life we get marriedʼ we fall in love.
1665 01:38:04,337 01:38:07,381 We have three beautiful kidsʼ Cheyenne Abilene and Dakota. We have three beautiful kidsʼ Cheyenne Abilene and Dakota.
1666 01:38:08,424 01:38:10,259 Those are such sweet names. Those are such sweet names.
1667 01:38:10,343 01:38:11,760 Well that's because you picked them. Well that's because you picked them.
1668 01:38:11,844 01:38:13,303 -l picked dumb names. -Stay on topic Joe. -l picked dumb names. -Stay on topic Joe.
1669 01:38:13,930 01:38:16,890 Man you scare me because you come out of nowhere sometimes. Man you scare me because you come out of nowhere sometimes.
1670 01:38:16,975 01:38:19,560 Tell her. Tell her what you've learned. Tell her. Tell her what you've learned.
1671 01:38:19,644 01:38:21,478 -Tell her how you feel now. -Okay. -Tell her how you feel now. -Okay.
1672 01:38:21,604 01:38:22,771 l think l got it. l think l got it.
1673 01:38:22,897 01:38:24,314 -Who's he talking to? -l don't know. -Who's he talking to? -l don't know.
1674 01:38:24,399 01:38:26,984 All right Brandy. Me and you was together. All right Brandy. Me and you was together.
1675 01:38:27,235 01:38:29,403 And everything was going greatʼ and we was really happy. And everything was going greatʼ and we was really happy.
1676 01:38:29,487 01:38:32,573 And then something terrible happenedʼ and l got taken away from you and the kidsʼ And then something terrible happenedʼ and l got taken away from you and the kidsʼ
1677 01:38:32,657 01:38:36,577 and then nowʼ l think l'm sent back to learn a lesson and then nowʼ l think l'm sent back to learn a lesson
1678 01:38:37,036 01:38:39,663 -that if l have money... -What the hell! -that if l have money... -What the hell!
1679 01:38:39,789 01:38:43,834 Come on! Damn it Joe you still don't get it? Come on! Damn it Joe you still don't get it?
1680 01:38:44,919 01:38:48,005 Look they told me you were dumbʼ but it's almost like you're an Look they told me you were dumbʼ but it's almost like you're an
1681 01:38:48,089 01:38:50,549 "l'm joking" kind of dumb. Look l give up here. "l'm joking" kind of dumb. Look l give up here.
1682 01:38:50,717 01:38:52,426 l guess l'm not going to get my wings l guess l'm not going to get my wings
1683 01:38:52,510 01:38:55,053 and l'm never going to hear that beautiful sound. and l'm never going to hear that beautiful sound.
1684 01:38:55,722 01:38:56,888 What sound? What sound?
1685 01:38:56,973 01:39:00,434 Well you hear a certain kind of clang when an angel gets its wings. Whatever. Well you hear a certain kind of clang when an angel gets its wings. Whatever.
1686 01:39:00,518 01:39:02,561 -l look... -Oh wait. -l look... -Oh wait.
1687 01:39:02,645 01:39:06,148 When an angel gets its wings? That's from a movie or something like a TA show? When an angel gets its wings? That's from a movie or something like a TA show?
1688 01:39:06,274 01:39:07,816 Shut up dude! Shut up dude!
1689 01:39:08,276 01:39:10,652 You're seriously bumming out the vibe in this room. You're seriously bumming out the vibe in this room.
1690 01:39:10,945 01:39:14,072 Brandy here had a monsoon in her pantiesʼ thinking about me. Brandy here had a monsoon in her pantiesʼ thinking about me.
1691 01:39:14,365 01:39:17,326 And then you walk in here not remembering lines from It's a WonderfuI Life. And then you walk in here not remembering lines from It's a WonderfuI Life.
1692 01:39:17,410 01:39:18,452 That's it. That's it.
1693 01:39:18,536 01:39:21,413 l'm trying to get downʼ and you're getting me down. l'm trying to get downʼ and you're getting me down.
1694 01:39:24,375 01:39:27,002 Look this is just too confusing. Look this is just too confusing.
1695 01:39:27,253 01:39:28,378 l've had too much to drink. l've had too much to drink.
1696 01:39:29,172 01:39:30,380 l got to go. l got to go.
1697 01:39:31,841 01:39:33,216 -l got to go. -Let me... Can l talk... -l got to go. -Let me... Can l talk...
1698 01:39:34,344 01:39:35,427 What did you do? What did you do?
1699 01:39:39,682 01:39:42,142 Brandy l think l know what l'm supposed to know now. Brandy l think l know what l'm supposed to know now.
1700 01:39:42,226 01:39:43,393 l'm going to be different! l'm going to be different!
1701 01:39:43,561 01:39:45,395 l don't know what you're sayingʼ just please stop. l don't know what you're sayingʼ just please stop.
1702 01:39:46,022 01:39:47,564 l'm married to Jimmy. l'm married to Jimmy.
1703 01:39:48,024 01:39:50,567 But he doesn't feel like he's married to me. But he doesn't feel like he's married to me.
1704 01:39:51,402 01:39:54,529 My life feels like it is spinning out of control. My life feels like it is spinning out of control.
1705 01:39:56,908 01:39:58,241 Goodbye Joe Dirt. Goodbye Joe Dirt.
1706 01:40:03,122 01:40:04,456 Well that went great. Well that went great.
1707 01:40:05,875 01:40:09,086 l don't know what's going on anymore man. l don't know what l'm supposed to learn. l don't know what's going on anymore man. l don't know what l'm supposed to learn.
1708 01:40:09,545 01:40:10,754 Well you're not very bright. Well you're not very bright.
1709 01:40:11,089 01:40:13,256 Come on l ain't no toaster scientist. Come on l ain't no toaster scientist.
1710 01:40:13,341 01:40:15,592 What am l supposed to learn? l bench 1 50 on a good day. What am l supposed to learn? l bench 1 50 on a good day.
1711 01:40:16,135 01:40:18,929 The fact that l'm supposed to memorize a spark-plug gap The fact that l'm supposed to memorize a spark-plug gap
1712 01:40:19,222 01:40:20,972 on a Plymouth 383? on a Plymouth 383?
1713 01:40:21,933 01:40:23,642 l don't know. l just want my old life back. l don't know. l just want my old life back.
1714 01:40:23,768 01:40:24,935 1 50's not that great. 1 50's not that great.
1715 01:40:26,562 01:40:27,896 Hey Clair. Hey Clair.
1716 01:40:28,022 01:40:30,524 Hey wait you're that woman that yelled at me on the bus bench. Hey wait you're that woman that yelled at me on the bus bench.
1717 01:40:30,608 01:40:32,609 That's right. You fart-eater. That's right. You fart-eater.
1718 01:40:32,860 01:40:37,239 l'm the good witch. l'm the one that sent this hunky angel to you. l'm the good witch. l'm the one that sent this hunky angel to you.
1719 01:40:37,448 01:40:39,991 -No offence Clair. -No offence? Really? Okay. -No offence Clair. -No offence? Really? Okay.
1720 01:40:40,076 01:40:44,162 He's like that angel that saved that cracker-ass Jimmy Stewart. He's like that angel that saved that cracker-ass Jimmy Stewart.
1721 01:40:44,288 01:40:46,581 And helped that white racist-ass town. And helped that white racist-ass town.
1722 01:40:46,749 01:40:50,794 Tell me something how come they don't ever have any angels to save a black town? Tell me something how come they don't ever have any angels to save a black town?
1723 01:40:51,003 01:40:53,505 You don't think black towns could use some help once in a while? You don't think black towns could use some help once in a while?
1724 01:40:53,798 01:40:57,300 You ever seen Detroit? That town is sucking some misery dick. You ever seen Detroit? That town is sucking some misery dick.
1725 01:40:57,593 01:41:01,346 How come them bitches in Hollywood don't throw us a bone every once in a while? How come them bitches in Hollywood don't throw us a bone every once in a while?
1726 01:41:01,973 01:41:03,306 Wait a second you're the good witch? Wait a second you're the good witch?
1727 01:41:03,933 01:41:07,561 Well maybe you should work on your like presentationʼ Well maybe you should work on your like presentationʼ
1728 01:41:07,645 01:41:09,604 because it comes off a little rough around the edges. because it comes off a little rough around the edges.
1729 01:41:10,106 01:41:11,648 But l have to say ma'amʼ with all due respectʼ But l have to say ma'amʼ with all due respectʼ
1730 01:41:12,150 01:41:13,984 this is who l am. l'm Joe Dirt. this is who l am. l'm Joe Dirt.
1731 01:41:14,485 01:41:15,944 Okay? And l'm fine with it. Okay? And l'm fine with it.
1732 01:41:16,112 01:41:18,113 l'm not mean to other people like you are. l'm not mean to other people like you are.
1733 01:41:18,364 01:41:20,991 ln fact l made some money with this guy Clemʼ ln fact l made some money with this guy Clemʼ
1734 01:41:21,325 01:41:23,160 and if you need it for that city Detroitʼ and if you need it for that city Detroitʼ
1735 01:41:23,578 01:41:25,954 then you could have it all to help them. l don't care. then you could have it all to help them. l don't care.
1736 01:41:26,831 01:41:30,083 Because l thought it was about being richʼ and showing my family l had a lot of moneyʼ Because l thought it was about being richʼ and showing my family l had a lot of moneyʼ
1737 01:41:30,168 01:41:32,169 and being famous like Lynyrd Skynyrdʼ and being famous like Lynyrd Skynyrdʼ
1738 01:41:33,004 01:41:34,045 but that don't matter. but that don't matter.
1739 01:41:35,840 01:41:39,176 lt's about me being me. Just me. lt's about me being me. Just me.
1740 01:41:39,886 01:41:41,011 And l'm okay with that. And l'm okay with that.
1741 01:41:41,971 01:41:43,138 And they're okay with that. And they're okay with that.
1742 01:41:44,766 01:41:47,934 -Well l'll be dipped in shit. -Holy hell he gets it. -Well l'll be dipped in shit. -Holy hell he gets it.
1743 01:41:48,603 01:41:49,728 What? What happened? What? What happened?
1744 01:41:50,021 01:41:51,313 You got it Joe Dirt. You got it Joe Dirt.
1745 01:41:51,564 01:41:54,191 -You learned your lesson. -Yeah you're going home Joe. -You learned your lesson. -Yeah you're going home Joe.
1746 01:41:54,692 01:41:56,193 You're going home. You know... You're going home. You know...
1747 01:41:57,361 01:41:59,404 l was Foggle did you know that? l was Foggle did you know that?
1748 01:41:59,530 01:42:03,033 You was Foggle? Wait you're both sort of like homophobic. You was Foggle? Wait you're both sort of like homophobic.
1749 01:42:03,117 01:42:04,117 Maybe yeah l see it. Maybe yeah l see it.
1750 01:42:04,202 01:42:06,703 Well l was actingʼ and l made some interesting choices. Well l was actingʼ and l made some interesting choices.
1751 01:42:06,829 01:42:08,371 Well a little big at firstʼ Well a little big at firstʼ
1752 01:42:08,456 01:42:10,624 but l thought l reeled him in. l had to be convincing. but l thought l reeled him in. l had to be convincing.
1753 01:42:10,708 01:42:13,335 -Those guy would have raped me... -Oh fuck that acting shit! -Those guy would have raped me... -Oh fuck that acting shit!
1754 01:42:13,503 01:42:14,878 This boy's going home. This boy's going home.
1755 01:42:15,046 01:42:18,381 Click those boots together Joe Dirtʼ you know what to say. Click those boots together Joe Dirtʼ you know what to say.
1756 01:42:18,466 01:42:20,258 l just say "There ain't no place like home"? l just say "There ain't no place like home"?
1757 01:42:20,384 01:42:22,552 Joe l want to thank you for giving my wings. Joe l want to thank you for giving my wings.
1758 01:42:23,262 01:42:24,387 You got your wings? You got your wings?
1759 01:42:24,555 01:42:25,889 l did. Well l'm going to get them now. l did. Well l'm going to get them now.
1760 01:42:26,557 01:42:28,391 -Am l supposed to hear a clang? -You will. -Am l supposed to hear a clang? -You will.
1761 01:42:31,103 01:42:32,312 Daddy... Daddy...
1762 01:42:32,396 01:42:35,482 You're the most handsomest man that l have ever seen. You're the most handsomest man that l have ever seen.
1763 01:42:35,566 01:42:37,859 Your dance with Joe Dirt is done. Your dance with Joe Dirt is done.
1764 01:42:38,486 01:42:39,903 Life's a garden dig it. Life's a garden dig it.
1765 01:42:40,029 01:42:41,112 When are you coming back? When are you coming back?
1766 01:42:41,197 01:42:43,573 -Home is where you make it. -You like to see homos naked? -Home is where you make it. -You like to see homos naked?
1767 01:42:43,658 01:42:47,035 No no no no. Home is where you make it. No no no no. Home is where you make it.
1768 01:42:50,998 01:42:53,500 Ain't nothing like home. Ain't nothing like home. Ain't nothing like home. Ain't nothing like home.
1769 01:42:53,751 01:42:55,418 Joe! Wake up! Joe! Wake up!
1770 01:42:55,586 01:42:56,586 -Joe? -Brandy! -Joe? -Brandy!
1771 01:42:57,630 01:42:58,922 ls this a dream? ls this a dream?
1772 01:42:59,173 01:43:00,257 ls this a dream again? ls this a dream again?
1773 01:43:00,675 01:43:03,176 No it's real! Get over here. Come on! No it's real! Get over here. Come on!
1774 01:43:03,594 01:43:05,011 Where have you guys been? Where have you guys been?
1775 01:43:07,014 01:43:09,599 l missed you! Look at you huh? l missed you! Look at you huh?
1776 01:43:14,313 01:43:16,273 -Hey! -Hey baby. -Hey! -Hey baby.
1777 01:43:17,149 01:43:19,317 -l think it's good. -Oh my God! -l think it's good. -Oh my God!
1778 01:43:19,861 01:43:22,195 -l know l gotta get 'em. -Get his stick! -l know l gotta get 'em. -Get his stick!
1779 01:43:24,949 01:43:26,199 Come on you little hicks. Come on you little hicks.
1780 01:43:27,827 01:43:30,829 So that is the whole story it's crazy. So that is the whole story it's crazy.
1781 01:43:30,913 01:43:33,373 Joe we love you just the way you are. Joe we love you just the way you are.
1782 01:43:33,791 01:43:35,166 We do Daddy! We do Daddy!
1783 01:43:35,334 01:43:36,376 We love you! We love you!
1784 01:43:36,460 01:43:40,213 We wouldn't trade you for any other Daddy in the whole wide world. We wouldn't trade you for any other Daddy in the whole wide world.
1785 01:43:40,298 01:43:42,674 Did you practice that? lt sounds too good. Did you practice that? lt sounds too good.
1786 01:43:42,758 01:43:43,758 No. No.
1787 01:43:43,843 01:43:45,260 Hold up hold up. Hold up hold up.
1788 01:43:46,262 01:43:48,179 Wait a second this looks familiar. Wait a second this looks familiar.
1789 01:43:48,639 01:43:49,639 What's wrong? What's wrong?
1790 01:43:49,765 01:43:51,224 There's no way. There's no way.
1791 01:43:51,726 01:43:54,144 That was all a dream. lt doesn't matter never mind. That was all a dream. lt doesn't matter never mind.
1792 01:43:54,979 01:43:56,021 What is it Daddy? What is it Daddy?
1793 01:43:56,355 01:43:57,480 lt... lt...
1794 01:44:18,210 01:44:20,337 Babe we're rich. Babe we're rich.
1795 01:44:20,963 01:44:24,215 Rich? Why you've always been rich Joe Dirt. Rich? Why you've always been rich Joe Dirt.
1796 01:44:24,842 01:44:27,302 You just needed to find that out for yourself. You just needed to find that out for yourself.
1797 01:44:31,515 01:44:33,600 Daddy and Mommy! Daddy and Mommy!
1798 01:44:34,310 01:44:35,310 That's right! That's right!
1799 01:44:36,687 01:44:38,521 Mommy likes me. Come on let's go. Mommy likes me. Come on let's go.
1800 01:44:39,231 01:44:40,482 Come on babies. Come on babies.
1801 01:45:09,095 01:45:12,222 He's got a backhoe it's Caterpillar yellow He's got a backhoe it's Caterpillar yellow
1802 01:45:12,306 01:45:15,558 He's a heller of a feller a drinking storyteller, with a DUl He's a heller of a feller a drinking storyteller, with a DUl
1803 01:45:15,643 01:45:17,143 He's illegal to drive He's illegal to drive
1804 01:45:17,228 01:45:19,896 But he legally drinks and gets illegally high But he legally drinks and gets illegally high
1805 01:45:20,564 01:45:25,068 One night, while he's up in the sky he looked at that backhoe, asked himself One night, while he's up in the sky he looked at that backhoe, asked himself
1806 01:45:25,361 01:45:26,361 "Why not?" "Why not?"
1807 01:45:26,487 01:45:30,824 l'm going to drive that thing lt's a loophole, man, the DUl don't pertain l'm going to drive that thing lt's a loophole, man, the DUl don't pertain
1808 01:45:30,950 01:45:35,036 l'm only driving to the bar down on Main Street l'm only driving to the bar down on Main Street
1809 01:45:35,246 01:45:38,164 Now he's digging Now he's digging
1810 01:45:38,249 01:45:40,959 Got a hot little honey hanging out of that cab Got a hot little honey hanging out of that cab
1811 01:45:41,043 01:45:43,086 Just digging Just digging
1812 01:45:43,170 01:45:46,256 Got the windows tinted and a bass tune hitting Got the windows tinted and a bass tune hitting
1813 01:45:46,424 01:45:47,882 Digging! Digging!
1814 01:45:48,676 01:45:51,594 Creeping past the po-po, incognito Creeping past the po-po, incognito
1815 01:45:51,679 01:45:54,305 Like Joe Dirt, that's how he's living Like Joe Dirt, that's how he's living
1816 01:45:54,432 01:45:57,600 Life's a garden, man and he's just digging Life's a garden, man and he's just digging
1817 01:46:06,610 01:46:09,571 Wearing a cat hat with a meow-meow kitty Wearing a cat hat with a meow-meow kitty
1818 01:46:09,655 01:46:11,781 Rolls up in the club, pimpin' like Diddy Rolls up in the club, pimpin' like Diddy
1819 01:46:11,866 01:46:14,784 With the beer tipping Just sippin' on suds With the beer tipping Just sippin' on suds
1820 01:46:14,910 01:46:16,995 Putting shots back and tripping with his buds Putting shots back and tripping with his buds
1821 01:46:17,079 01:46:18,079 No thank you. No thank you.
1822 01:46:19,957 01:46:23,918 Old comic books in mint condition for 1 0 cents apiece. Old comic books in mint condition for 1 0 cents apiece.
1823 01:46:24,336 01:46:25,336 Give old... Give old...
1824 01:46:28,382 01:46:31,718 Well long story short we stomped those three dudes so hard Well long story short we stomped those three dudes so hard
1825 01:46:31,802 01:46:33,678 they got to take their boots off to piss. they got to take their boots off to piss.
1826 01:46:37,808 01:46:40,101 Anyway this... Motherfucker! Anyway this... Motherfucker!
1827 01:46:40,269 01:46:42,187 Seriously? Seriously? Seriously? Seriously?
1828 01:46:42,271 01:46:45,356 -What is it 201 5? -Oh my God. -What is it 201 5? -Oh my God.
1829 01:46:45,733 01:46:48,902 l thought l had this turned off. This is embarrassing. l thought l had this turned off. This is embarrassing.
1830 01:46:50,279 01:46:53,323 Joe l want to talk to you. Joe l want to talk to you.
1831 01:46:55,326 01:46:59,621 l like you. You have funny hair but l like you. l like you. You have funny hair but l like you.
1832 01:47:01,665 01:47:03,333 Hey funny guy. Hey funny guy.
1833 01:47:09,757 01:47:12,509 As a matter of fact if you want to stay awake right nowʼ As a matter of fact if you want to stay awake right nowʼ
1834 01:47:12,635 01:47:15,261 you'll still be on the roadʼ in the middle of nowhere. you'll still be on the roadʼ in the middle of nowhere.
1835 01:47:15,346 01:47:16,721 Your call. REM. Your call. REM.
1836 01:47:22,645 01:47:24,020 That's so stupid. That's so stupid.
1837 01:47:24,688 01:47:25,688 No thank you. No thank you.
1838 01:47:26,524 01:47:31,361 Man old comic books in mint condition for 1 0 cents apiece. Man old comic books in mint condition for 1 0 cents apiece.
1839 01:47:32,571 01:47:36,699 You give old Joe Dirt lemonadeʼ he's gonna give you... Fuck you! You give old Joe Dirt lemonadeʼ he's gonna give you... Fuck you!
1840 01:47:37,993 01:47:39,410 One more then l gotta go to lunch. One more then l gotta go to lunch.
1841 01:47:40,204 01:47:42,330 Wait you're twisting stuff. Like l say somethingʼ Wait you're twisting stuff. Like l say somethingʼ
1842 01:47:42,414 01:47:43,540 and then you say it back different. and then you say it back different.
1843 01:47:43,624 01:47:45,875 You're supposed to be a nice guardian angel like... You're supposed to be a nice guardian angel like...
1844 01:47:46,085 01:47:47,710 l don't picture people like you. l don't picture people like you.
1845 01:47:48,420 01:47:50,213 -Anyway l don't get horny by... -Let's go. -Anyway l don't get horny by... -Let's go.
1846 01:47:52,007 01:47:53,675 l don't get horny... l'm gonna get it out. l don't get horny... l'm gonna get it out.
1847 01:47:53,968 01:47:58,596 l don't get horny from animal sex. But l like Jessica Rabbit. l don't get horny from animal sex. But l like Jessica Rabbit.
1848 01:47:59,348 01:48:01,057 -Really? -She's fuckable yeah. -Really? -She's fuckable yeah.
1849 01:48:01,142 01:48:03,726 -l kind of get a gay vibe from you. -Yeah l've heard that. -l kind of get a gay vibe from you. -Yeah l've heard that.
1850 01:48:06,897 01:48:08,356 Can someone open this for me? Can someone open this for me?
1851 01:48:09,066 01:48:10,525 Did somebody fart on this? Did somebody fart on this?
1852 01:48:11,402 01:48:12,402 What did l do? What did l do?
1853 01:48:13,404 01:48:16,739 What? Those two farts were accidents. Wait. No. What? What? Those two farts were accidents. Wait. No. What?
1854 01:48:18,659 01:48:19,826 "Wait. No. What?" "Wait. No. What?"
1855 01:48:20,828 01:48:23,955 What? l have a medical condition. They did it on purpose. What? l have a medical condition. They did it on purpose.
1856 01:48:27,585 01:48:29,460 Fine. l don't even work here. Fine. l don't even work here.
1857 01:48:32,089 01:48:35,842 Stuff you actually made up to sound cool because you were on shroomsʼ Stuff you actually made up to sound cool because you were on shroomsʼ
1858 01:48:35,926 01:48:38,303 but actually makes you sound like a dipshit. but actually makes you sound like a dipshit.
1859 01:48:38,679 01:48:39,971 So l'm gonna say no. So l'm gonna say no.
1860 01:48:40,472 01:48:44,434 Hey, John. I'm up here at Load C. Some asshole went diarrhea all over the seat. Hey, John. I'm up here at Load C. Some asshole went diarrhea all over the seat.
1861 01:48:44,768 01:48:47,270 Copy that. When can you start? Copy that. When can you start?
1862 01:48:51,525 01:48:53,109 -Laugh like me. -Okay. -Laugh like me. -Okay.
1863 01:48:58,199 01:49:00,450 -All right. -We're good? Okay. -All right. -We're good? Okay.
1864 01:49:04,955 01:49:08,291 -That's it. Cut. -That's a cut. -That's it. Cut. -That's a cut.