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1 | 00:00:23,120 | 00:00:25,680 | Would you stop chewing so loudly? | Would you stop chewing so loudly? |
2 | 00:00:26,480 | 00:00:28,480 | It's like being in a car with a cow. | It's like being in a car with a cow. |
3 | 00:00:28,560 | 00:00:30,560 | It's just chewing... chewing gum. | It's just chewing... chewing gum. |
4 | 00:00:30,640 | 00:00:34,440 | Chew it quietly if you have to chew at all. | Chew it quietly if you have to chew at all. |
5 | 00:00:48,720 | 00:00:49,800 | What are you doing? | What are you doing? |
6 | 00:00:49,880 | 00:00:52,080 | -I'm just having a few more pieces. -Ridiculous. | -I'm just having a few more pieces. -Ridiculous. |
7 | 00:00:52,160 | 00:00:54,800 | If I get through them all now, it will be less annoying for you | If I get through them all now, it will be less annoying for you |
8 | 00:00:54,880 | 00:00:58,360 | because I'll do my chewing in this-- Rather than it being the whole journey. | because I'll do my chewing in this-- Rather than it being the whole journey. |
9 | 00:00:58,440 | 00:00:59,560 | Absolutely disgusting. | Absolutely disgusting. |
10 | 00:01:02,000 | 00:01:03,880 | -Can you stop doing that? | -Can you stop doing that? |
11 | 00:01:03,960 | 00:01:05,480 | This could be a world record. | This could be a world record. |
12 | 00:01:07,280 | 00:01:08,600 | Just spit it out. | Just spit it out. |
13 | 00:01:09,520 | 00:01:10,400 | I have to-- | I have to-- |
14 | 00:01:12,760 | 00:01:15,600 | -I just-- -It looks absolutely disgusting. | -I just-- -It looks absolutely disgusting. |
15 | 00:01:16,160 | 00:01:17,160 | So where should I put it? | So where should I put it? |
16 | 00:01:17,240 | 00:01:18,720 | -Don't put it near me. -Maybe under-- | -Don't put it near me. -Maybe under-- |
17 | 00:01:18,800 | 00:01:20,360 | -No! -I'll stick it under your seat. | -No! -I'll stick it under your seat. |
18 | 00:01:20,440 | 00:01:23,120 | -No! -There, look. No one will find out. | -No! -There, look. No one will find out. |
19 | 00:01:24,160 | 00:01:26,400 | -How does my breath smell? | -How does my breath smell? |
20 | 00:01:31,160 | 00:01:34,360 | - I've got popping candy. - God, give me strength. | - I've got popping candy. - God, give me strength. |
21 | 00:01:44,440 | 00:01:47,400 | After living it up in Sydney, Mommy was back in London, | After living it up in Sydney, Mommy was back in London, |
22 | 00:01:47,480 | 00:01:49,840 | knee-deep in planning for sister Molly's wedding, | knee-deep in planning for sister Molly's wedding, |
23 | 00:01:49,920 | 00:01:51,720 | which was only a couple of weeks away. | which was only a couple of weeks away. |
24 | 00:01:52,040 | 00:01:54,280 | Meanwhile, Daddy and I were heading up the coast | Meanwhile, Daddy and I were heading up the coast |
25 | 00:01:54,360 | 00:01:56,120 | on our great Australian road trip, | on our great Australian road trip, |
26 | 00:01:56,200 | 00:01:58,320 | with plans to explore rural Queensland | with plans to explore rural Queensland |
27 | 00:01:58,800 | 00:02:01,480 | and finally adventure into the outback to see Uluru. | and finally adventure into the outback to see Uluru. |
28 | 00:02:02,120 | 00:02:04,400 | As Daddy wasn't so keen to hit the road again, | As Daddy wasn't so keen to hit the road again, |
29 | 00:02:04,480 | 00:02:08,160 | I wanted this trip to prove to him that there was life in the old dog yet. | I wanted this trip to prove to him that there was life in the old dog yet. |
30 | 00:02:08,240 | 00:02:11,680 | So I'd organized for us to meet a rough-and-ready motorcycle gang | So I'd organized for us to meet a rough-and-ready motorcycle gang |
31 | 00:02:11,760 | 00:02:13,280 | for people of an older persuasion | for people of an older persuasion |
32 | 00:02:13,360 | 00:02:15,560 | in a place called Mooball, New South Wales. | in a place called Mooball, New South Wales. |
33 | 00:02:19,160 | 00:02:20,920 | Definitely gonna need this. | Definitely gonna need this. |
34 | 00:02:24,520 | 00:02:25,840 | Right, where are we going? | Right, where are we going? |
35 | 00:02:25,920 | 00:02:27,600 | We're waiting for them. They're coming here. | We're waiting for them. They're coming here. |
36 | 00:02:27,680 | 00:02:28,600 | Oh, right. Okay. | Oh, right. Okay. |
37 | 00:02:29,400 | 00:02:30,800 | Can I come under the umbrella? | Can I come under the umbrella? |
38 | 00:02:32,320 | 00:02:34,920 | I don't know. It's not a two-man umbrella. | I don't know. It's not a two-man umbrella. |
39 | 00:02:36,600 | 00:02:38,680 | Right, okay. I'll just stand here and burn. | Right, okay. I'll just stand here and burn. |
40 | 00:02:41,560 | 00:02:44,560 | Motorcycle gangs have been a feature of the Australian underworld | Motorcycle gangs have been a feature of the Australian underworld |
41 | 00:02:44,640 | 00:02:46,200 | since the 1960s. | since the 1960s. |
42 | 00:02:46,840 | 00:02:49,280 | Their criminal activities became so notorious, | Their criminal activities became so notorious, |
43 | 00:02:49,360 | 00:02:51,960 | a prison was created just for biker gang members. | a prison was created just for biker gang members. |
44 | 00:02:57,840 | 00:03:01,880 | However, I don't think we've got too much to worry about from this lot. | However, I don't think we've got too much to worry about from this lot. |
45 | 00:03:07,640 | 00:03:09,800 | - Who's the leader of the gang? -I'm Dave. | - Who's the leader of the gang? -I'm Dave. |
46 | 00:03:09,880 | 00:03:11,880 | Dave's the leader of the gang. How do you do, sir? | Dave's the leader of the gang. How do you do, sir? |
47 | 00:03:11,960 | 00:03:14,000 | I hope it wouldn't be too rude of me to observe | I hope it wouldn't be too rude of me to observe |
48 | 00:03:14,080 | 00:03:18,040 | that your gang is maybe slightly more senior than other biker gangs | that your gang is maybe slightly more senior than other biker gangs |
49 | 00:03:18,120 | 00:03:20,120 | that I may have seen on TV shows and movies. | that I may have seen on TV shows and movies. |
50 | 00:03:20,200 | 00:03:22,320 | Who's the oldest member of your crew? | Who's the oldest member of your crew? |
51 | 00:03:22,400 | 00:03:24,680 | Well, I think he's been indisposed just at the moment, | Well, I think he's been indisposed just at the moment, |
52 | 00:03:24,760 | 00:03:26,400 | -but I'm sure he'll be back. -"Indisposed"? | -but I'm sure he'll be back. -"Indisposed"? |
53 | 00:03:26,480 | 00:03:28,240 | Oh, God. Not on a permanent basis. | Oh, God. Not on a permanent basis. |
54 | 00:03:28,320 | 00:03:30,440 | He's only wandered off, as old men do. | He's only wandered off, as old men do. |
55 | 00:03:30,520 | 00:03:33,480 | I thought with the older gang, that's how it worked. One in, one out. | I thought with the older gang, that's how it worked. One in, one out. |
56 | 00:03:33,560 | 00:03:35,360 | -Yeah. -That's why you're recruiting. | -Yeah. -That's why you're recruiting. |
57 | 00:03:36,240 | 00:03:38,080 | -How do you do? -Here's our friend, Bill. | -How do you do? -Here's our friend, Bill. |
58 | 00:03:38,160 | 00:03:39,720 | -Very nice to meet you. -I'm 93. | -Very nice to meet you. -I'm 93. |
59 | 00:03:39,800 | 00:03:42,280 | -You look great. -How long have you been in a biker gang? | -You look great. -How long have you been in a biker gang? |
60 | 00:03:42,360 | 00:03:45,200 | No gang. I haven't been in a gang. In the club 25 years. | No gang. I haven't been in a gang. In the club 25 years. |
61 | 00:03:45,280 | 00:03:47,920 | Oh, yeah, sorry. We're not a gang. | Oh, yeah, sorry. We're not a gang. |
62 | 00:03:48,000 | 00:03:50,120 | -They're not. -And you haven't killed anyone. | -They're not. -And you haven't killed anyone. |
63 | 00:03:50,280 | 00:03:51,600 | -No, not yet. -Not yet. | -No, not yet. -Not yet. |
64 | 00:03:53,120 | 00:03:54,040 | Thanks, fellas. | Thanks, fellas. |
65 | 00:03:54,120 | 00:03:55,680 | Very nice to meet you. | Very nice to meet you. |
66 | 00:03:55,760 | 00:03:58,080 | Are there rival gangs that you have, like, beef with? | Are there rival gangs that you have, like, beef with? |
67 | 00:03:58,160 | 00:04:01,840 | No, we don't actually. We had a bit of a to-do with them many years ago. | No, we don't actually. We had a bit of a to-do with them many years ago. |
68 | 00:04:01,920 | 00:04:05,880 | We agreed we wouldn't cross their line if they didn't come across ours. | We agreed we wouldn't cross their line if they didn't come across ours. |
69 | 00:04:06,440 | 00:04:08,800 | That's what we should do today. Let's reopen the beef. | That's what we should do today. Let's reopen the beef. |
70 | 00:04:08,880 | 00:04:10,160 | Get some old wounds going. | Get some old wounds going. |
71 | 00:04:10,240 | 00:04:12,720 | No, we're ready for a street fight. I've come correct. | No, we're ready for a street fight. I've come correct. |
72 | 00:04:13,840 | 00:04:16,280 | I want to get on a bike. Can I get on a bike? | I want to get on a bike. Can I get on a bike? |
73 | 00:04:16,840 | 00:04:21,280 | I want to feel the machine between my legs, purring gently. | I want to feel the machine between my legs, purring gently. |
74 | 00:04:21,360 | 00:04:23,680 | -He can't even drive a car, this one. -Shut up. | -He can't even drive a car, this one. -Shut up. |
75 | 00:04:23,760 | 00:04:25,160 | -Why? -Don't tell them that. | -Why? -Don't tell them that. |
76 | 00:04:25,240 | 00:04:26,880 | Do you want to go on Eric's bike? | Do you want to go on Eric's bike? |
77 | 00:04:26,960 | 00:04:28,560 | What do you mean, "Do you want to go--" | What do you mean, "Do you want to go--" |
78 | 00:04:28,640 | 00:04:30,400 | You're talking to me like I'm a 12-year-old. | You're talking to me like I'm a 12-year-old. |
79 | 00:04:31,280 | 00:04:33,560 | Come on, Jack, go over to that white bike there. | Come on, Jack, go over to that white bike there. |
80 | 00:04:33,640 | 00:04:36,080 | As I went off to check out some hogs, | As I went off to check out some hogs, |
81 | 00:04:36,160 | 00:04:39,080 | Daddy peeled off for a chat with Billy-the-not-so-Kid. | Daddy peeled off for a chat with Billy-the-not-so-Kid. |
82 | 00:04:39,160 | 00:04:43,560 | Hi, Billy. Got any tips for a man that's just about to get into his 80s? | Hi, Billy. Got any tips for a man that's just about to get into his 80s? |
83 | 00:04:43,640 | 00:04:46,040 | I believe if you don't use it, you lose it. | I believe if you don't use it, you lose it. |
84 | 00:04:46,120 | 00:04:47,640 | I couldn't agree more. | I couldn't agree more. |
85 | 00:04:47,720 | 00:04:51,000 | And what about any tips if you've got a doofus son | And what about any tips if you've got a doofus son |
86 | 00:04:51,080 | 00:04:52,920 | who doesn't have very much up there? | who doesn't have very much up there? |
87 | 00:04:53,520 | 00:04:54,560 | He's still your son. | He's still your son. |
88 | 00:04:54,640 | 00:04:57,240 | -Yeah, absolutely. -And he'll come good, I guarantee it. | -Yeah, absolutely. -And he'll come good, I guarantee it. |
89 | 00:04:57,320 | 00:04:58,800 | Good. Okay. | Good. Okay. |
90 | 00:04:58,880 | 00:05:00,200 | -All the best. -Thanks very much. | -All the best. -Thanks very much. |
91 | 00:05:00,760 | 00:05:03,120 | Climb on board there and be very gentle, okay? | Climb on board there and be very gentle, okay? |
92 | 00:05:05,400 | 00:05:08,120 | -Should I get it straight? -Just... just lift it up. | -Should I get it straight? -Just... just lift it up. |
93 | 00:05:09,920 | 00:05:11,200 | Whoa, whoa, whoa! | Whoa, whoa, whoa! |
94 | 00:05:11,600 | 00:05:13,280 | Hey, listen. Are you okay with this? | Hey, listen. Are you okay with this? |
95 | 00:05:13,360 | 00:05:15,080 | -Yeah, I got it. -Don't want you falling over | -Yeah, I got it. -Don't want you falling over |
96 | 00:05:15,160 | 00:05:17,880 | 'cause if the bike lands on top of you, you'll be sad ass. | 'cause if the bike lands on top of you, you'll be sad ass. |
97 | 00:05:17,960 | 00:05:19,480 | It's the bike I'd be worried about. | It's the bike I'd be worried about. |
98 | 00:05:21,640 | 00:05:23,440 | We can't take you without having a helmet on. | We can't take you without having a helmet on. |
99 | 00:05:23,520 | 00:05:24,440 | Helmet's for pussies. | Helmet's for pussies. |
100 | 00:05:24,840 | 00:05:26,920 | The least you can do is turn your cap around. | The least you can do is turn your cap around. |
101 | 00:05:27,000 | 00:05:28,120 | No helmet required. | No helmet required. |
102 | 00:05:28,200 | 00:05:29,960 | You won't need a helmet anyway | You won't need a helmet anyway |
103 | 00:05:30,040 | 00:05:32,200 | 'cause you've got no brain cells to protect. | 'cause you've got no brain cells to protect. |
104 | 00:05:35,240 | 00:05:37,440 | Right. I'm ready. Let's go cause some havoc. | Right. I'm ready. Let's go cause some havoc. |
105 | 00:05:37,520 | 00:05:40,120 | What are we hitting up first? Tattoo parlor? Gun shop? | What are we hitting up first? Tattoo parlor? Gun shop? |
106 | 00:05:40,200 | 00:05:41,320 | The picnic area. | The picnic area. |
107 | 00:05:41,400 | 00:05:42,280 | For fuck's sake. | For fuck's sake. |
108 | 00:05:42,360 | 00:05:43,680 | - Ready to roll, then? -Yeah. | - Ready to roll, then? -Yeah. |
109 | 00:05:44,280 | 00:05:46,600 | I think we've got the perfect bike for you, Jack. | I think we've got the perfect bike for you, Jack. |
110 | 00:05:46,680 | 00:05:47,640 | Great. | Great. |
111 | 00:05:47,720 | 00:05:49,200 | The perfect bike for me. | The perfect bike for me. |
112 | 00:05:49,280 | 00:05:52,840 | I was thinking Harley-Davidson, twin engine Ducati. | I was thinking Harley-Davidson, twin engine Ducati. |
113 | 00:05:55,360 | 00:05:56,480 | Really? | Really? |
114 | 00:06:05,960 | 00:06:08,240 | Jack, um, you know you don't have to hug me. | Jack, um, you know you don't have to hug me. |
115 | 00:06:08,320 | 00:06:10,720 | There are handlebars at the back that you can hang on to. | There are handlebars at the back that you can hang on to. |
116 | 00:06:11,120 | 00:06:12,040 | Oh. | Oh. |
117 | 00:06:13,320 | 00:06:14,520 | Sorry. | Sorry. |
118 | 00:06:14,600 | 00:06:17,240 | Sorry, Stuart, he's always been very clingy. | Sorry, Stuart, he's always been very clingy. |
119 | 00:06:17,320 | 00:06:18,320 | No worries. | No worries. |
120 | 00:06:21,960 | 00:06:24,360 | If you see any rival bikers, Daddy, you know what to do. | If you see any rival bikers, Daddy, you know what to do. |
121 | 00:06:24,440 | 00:06:27,240 | -What? Yeah. - Flip the bird. | -What? Yeah. - Flip the bird. |
122 | 00:06:27,920 | 00:06:29,960 | And remember the rules of biker gang. | And remember the rules of biker gang. |
123 | 00:06:30,400 | 00:06:32,200 | - Yeah. -Rule number one: | - Yeah. -Rule number one: |
124 | 00:06:32,920 | 00:06:35,440 | you don't tell anyone else about biker gang. | you don't tell anyone else about biker gang. |
125 | 00:06:35,920 | 00:06:39,720 | Rule number two: snitches live in ditches. | Rule number two: snitches live in ditches. |
126 | 00:06:39,800 | 00:06:40,960 | Rule number three-- | Rule number three-- |
127 | 00:06:41,040 | 00:06:44,400 | This age of biker gang, I would say: | This age of biker gang, I would say: |
128 | 00:06:44,480 | 00:06:47,440 | never get too far away from a public toilet. | never get too far away from a public toilet. |
129 | 00:06:51,360 | 00:06:53,320 | I feel like we need to go find some trouble. | I feel like we need to go find some trouble. |
130 | 00:06:53,400 | 00:06:56,080 | It doesn't look as though there's much trouble here. | It doesn't look as though there's much trouble here. |
131 | 00:06:56,160 | 00:06:58,280 | -I mean-- -Well then, we need to make trouble. | -I mean-- -Well then, we need to make trouble. |
132 | 00:06:58,360 | 00:07:02,880 | We're in the middle of the country. There are two cows out there having a moo. | We're in the middle of the country. There are two cows out there having a moo. |
133 | 00:07:14,840 | 00:07:15,960 | Can you do a wheelie? | Can you do a wheelie? |
134 | 00:07:16,040 | 00:07:17,680 | Not with this rig, I can't, no. | Not with this rig, I can't, no. |
135 | 00:07:17,760 | 00:07:20,640 | Why don't we just detach him? And then we'll do a wheelie. | Why don't we just detach him? And then we'll do a wheelie. |
136 | 00:07:20,720 | 00:07:22,120 | That would work, yes. | That would work, yes. |
137 | 00:07:22,560 | 00:07:25,640 | Sorry, Daddy. Unfortunately we're going to have to detach you. | Sorry, Daddy. Unfortunately we're going to have to detach you. |
138 | 00:07:26,440 | 00:07:27,840 | Bye-bye, Muttley. | Bye-bye, Muttley. |
139 | 00:07:27,920 | 00:07:29,880 | -Just dislodge this. -No! | -Just dislodge this. -No! |
140 | 00:07:29,960 | 00:07:31,640 | -Daddy-- -Fuck off! | -Daddy-- -Fuck off! |
141 | 00:07:36,000 | 00:07:39,840 | How far is this fudge place? Have we got there yet? | How far is this fudge place? Have we got there yet? |
142 | 00:07:39,920 | 00:07:40,800 | Beg your pardon? | Beg your pardon? |
143 | 00:07:40,880 | 00:07:43,360 | There's a fudge place we're stopping off at. | There's a fudge place we're stopping off at. |
144 | 00:07:43,440 | 00:07:45,920 | I watched every season of Sons of Anarchy. | I watched every season of Sons of Anarchy. |
145 | 00:07:46,400 | 00:07:48,600 | Not one episode did they go to a fudge shop. | Not one episode did they go to a fudge shop. |
146 | 00:07:49,440 | 00:07:51,120 | We're not going to a fudge shop. | We're not going to a fudge shop. |
147 | 00:07:51,200 | 00:07:53,200 | I was promised some fudge. | I was promised some fudge. |
148 | 00:07:58,080 | 00:08:01,560 | After what seemed like an eternity of not fucking shit up, | After what seemed like an eternity of not fucking shit up, |
149 | 00:08:01,640 | 00:08:05,880 | Daddy, me and the granddads of anarchy had arrived at our final destination. | Daddy, me and the granddads of anarchy had arrived at our final destination. |
150 | 00:08:10,320 | 00:08:12,040 | Any of you blokes like a biscuit? | Any of you blokes like a biscuit? |
151 | 00:08:12,360 | 00:08:14,480 | Do you think we should head off soon, find some bars? | Do you think we should head off soon, find some bars? |
152 | 00:08:14,560 | 00:08:16,200 | - What sort of bars? -Biker bars. | - What sort of bars? -Biker bars. |
153 | 00:08:16,280 | 00:08:18,840 | -Beers, music. -It's a long way from biker bars, mate. | -Beers, music. -It's a long way from biker bars, mate. |
154 | 00:08:18,920 | 00:08:22,240 | We need to find trouble. We're not gonna find trouble outside a fudge shop. | We need to find trouble. We're not gonna find trouble outside a fudge shop. |
155 | 00:08:22,320 | 00:08:25,200 | I think you should just relax, have a cup of tea. | I think you should just relax, have a cup of tea. |
156 | 00:08:25,280 | 00:08:27,240 | -Yeah, go on, Jack. Have a biscuit. -Nice biscuits. | -Yeah, go on, Jack. Have a biscuit. -Nice biscuits. |
157 | 00:08:27,320 | 00:08:29,680 | I don't want biscuits. We're a biker gang. | I don't want biscuits. We're a biker gang. |
158 | 00:08:29,760 | 00:08:32,760 | I thought we were gonna be doing crack cocaine, not digestives. | I thought we were gonna be doing crack cocaine, not digestives. |
159 | 00:08:34,080 | 00:08:36,560 | -I mean, these are really nice. -Yeah, they do look quite nice. | -I mean, these are really nice. -Yeah, they do look quite nice. |
160 | 00:08:36,640 | 00:08:38,240 | Go on. Arrowroot biscuit. | Go on. Arrowroot biscuit. |
161 | 00:08:39,080 | 00:08:40,120 | There you are. | There you are. |
162 | 00:08:40,200 | 00:08:42,600 | -That's more like it. - I knew you'd come around. | -That's more like it. - I knew you'd come around. |
163 | 00:08:42,680 | 00:08:43,640 | Yeah. | Yeah. |
164 | 00:08:43,720 | 00:08:47,400 | So do you want some tea with that? Wash it down with a nice cup of tea? | So do you want some tea with that? Wash it down with a nice cup of tea? |
165 | 00:08:47,480 | 00:08:49,960 | -I've put milk and sugar in it for you. -Right. | -I've put milk and sugar in it for you. -Right. |
166 | 00:08:51,520 | 00:08:53,040 | Right, ladies and gentlemen, | Right, ladies and gentlemen, |
167 | 00:08:53,120 | 00:08:54,920 | here's a toast to you guys. | here's a toast to you guys. |
168 | 00:08:55,000 | 00:08:58,200 | To growing old... disgracefully. | To growing old... disgracefully. |
169 | 00:08:58,280 | 00:08:59,760 | -Cheers. -Cheers. | -Cheers. -Cheers. |
170 | 00:09:01,040 | 00:09:04,640 | Come on, let's go get some blow, find some hookers and have an all-nighter. | Come on, let's go get some blow, find some hookers and have an all-nighter. |
171 | 00:09:04,720 | 00:09:05,920 | -Yeah? | -Yeah? |
172 | 00:09:07,920 | 00:09:09,280 | -No? -No. | -No? -No. |
173 | 00:09:14,960 | 00:09:17,280 | Before we took on our pilgrimage to Uluru, | Before we took on our pilgrimage to Uluru, |
174 | 00:09:17,360 | 00:09:19,600 | I wanted us to explore the local area. | I wanted us to explore the local area. |
175 | 00:09:19,680 | 00:09:22,000 | So I'd found us the perfect place to base ourselves | So I'd found us the perfect place to base ourselves |
176 | 00:09:22,080 | 00:09:25,400 | in Australia's famous Byron Bay, the only place on earth | in Australia's famous Byron Bay, the only place on earth |
177 | 00:09:25,480 | 00:09:28,760 | with more white guys with dreadlocks per capita than Glastonbury Festival. | with more white guys with dreadlocks per capita than Glastonbury Festival. |
178 | 00:09:30,280 | 00:09:34,920 | You know who stays in motels? Traveling salesmen and lice. | You know who stays in motels? Traveling salesmen and lice. |
179 | 00:09:35,000 | 00:09:37,920 | Great thing about this place is, it's very handy for the ocean. | Great thing about this place is, it's very handy for the ocean. |
180 | 00:09:38,000 | 00:09:39,720 | Just walk over the road and head straight in. | Just walk over the road and head straight in. |
181 | 00:09:39,800 | 00:09:43,120 | Yeah. You think I'm gonna stay in that place there, do you? | Yeah. You think I'm gonna stay in that place there, do you? |
182 | 00:09:43,200 | 00:09:44,040 | Yes. | Yes. |
183 | 00:09:44,600 | 00:09:47,240 | If I walked into the ocean, I'd never come back | If I walked into the ocean, I'd never come back |
184 | 00:09:47,320 | 00:09:49,600 | because I'd fill my pockets full of pebbles. | because I'd fill my pockets full of pebbles. |
185 | 00:09:49,680 | 00:09:51,080 | -Right. -Okay? | -Right. -Okay? |
186 | 00:09:51,160 | 00:09:52,680 | Just remember that. | Just remember that. |
187 | 00:09:52,760 | 00:09:55,880 | Don't judge a book by its cover. It's probably really nice on the inside. | Don't judge a book by its cover. It's probably really nice on the inside. |
188 | 00:09:57,120 | 00:09:58,360 | What can we do for you? | What can we do for you? |
189 | 00:09:58,440 | 00:10:01,640 | A room, please, for two intrepid travelers. | A room, please, for two intrepid travelers. |
190 | 00:10:01,720 | 00:10:03,720 | Good. I've got a couple of fabulous rooms. | Good. I've got a couple of fabulous rooms. |
191 | 00:10:03,800 | 00:10:06,120 | -I've got a bay loft, which is upstairs. -A what? | -I've got a bay loft, which is upstairs. -A what? |
192 | 00:10:06,200 | 00:10:07,680 | -Bay loft, it's called. -Nice. | -Bay loft, it's called. -Nice. |
193 | 00:10:07,760 | 00:10:09,000 | You'll love it. It's fantastic. | You'll love it. It's fantastic. |
194 | 00:10:09,080 | 00:10:11,320 | Does it have a window that you can open wide? | Does it have a window that you can open wide? |
195 | 00:10:11,400 | 00:10:13,520 | -It does. You can open the balcony... -Just in case. | -It does. You can open the balcony... -Just in case. |
196 | 00:10:13,600 | 00:10:15,040 | ...and you're looking over the ocean. | ...and you're looking over the ocean. |
197 | 00:10:15,120 | 00:10:16,760 | - Thank you. - You're welcome. | - Thank you. - You're welcome. |
198 | 00:10:16,840 | 00:10:18,520 | I don't think this could be right. | I don't think this could be right. |
199 | 00:10:18,600 | 00:10:19,880 | It is. It's through there. | It is. It's through there. |
200 | 00:10:19,960 | 00:10:23,400 | -Sort of place you take a prostitute to. -Daddy. | -Sort of place you take a prostitute to. -Daddy. |
201 | 00:10:23,480 | 00:10:25,960 | Not that I've ever taken a prostitute anywhere. | Not that I've ever taken a prostitute anywhere. |
202 | 00:10:26,920 | 00:10:29,720 | Oh, this is cute. It's got a '60s vibe. | Oh, this is cute. It's got a '60s vibe. |
203 | 00:10:29,800 | 00:10:30,640 | Kinda kitsch. | Kinda kitsch. |
204 | 00:10:31,600 | 00:10:33,920 | -Look at this ghastly-- -This is good. | -Look at this ghastly-- -This is good. |
205 | 00:10:34,000 | 00:10:36,160 | -This is perfect for us. -Look how small that bath is. | -This is perfect for us. -Look how small that bath is. |
206 | 00:10:36,240 | 00:10:39,320 | Daddy, you can go in there, and I can go in here. | Daddy, you can go in there, and I can go in here. |
207 | 00:10:40,160 | 00:10:41,440 | And we can wash together. | And we can wash together. |
208 | 00:10:41,880 | 00:10:44,480 | I'll be like, "Hey, Daddy, can you pass me the soap." | I'll be like, "Hey, Daddy, can you pass me the soap." |
209 | 00:10:45,920 | 00:10:47,840 | -Right. -We can wash at the same time. | -Right. -We can wash at the same time. |
210 | 00:10:47,920 | 00:10:49,000 | How sweet is that! | How sweet is that! |
211 | 00:10:49,080 | 00:10:50,600 | What's behind these things? | What's behind these things? |
212 | 00:10:51,680 | 00:10:53,000 | That's nice. | That's nice. |
213 | 00:10:53,560 | 00:10:55,640 | That's one exit gone. | That's one exit gone. |
214 | 00:10:55,720 | 00:10:58,280 | That's where I was planning to throw myself out of. | That's where I was planning to throw myself out of. |
215 | 00:10:58,360 | 00:11:01,040 | I think this is so cute. Look. It's got everything we need. | I think this is so cute. Look. It's got everything we need. |
216 | 00:11:01,120 | 00:11:04,320 | Kitchenette, chill-out area, the bath. | Kitchenette, chill-out area, the bath. |
217 | 00:11:04,880 | 00:11:05,880 | Amazing TV. | Amazing TV. |
218 | 00:11:07,000 | 00:11:09,280 | And you know how I love watching TV like this. | And you know how I love watching TV like this. |
219 | 00:11:09,680 | 00:11:14,400 | There are two ovens, so I know what to put my head into when I'm ready to go. | There are two ovens, so I know what to put my head into when I'm ready to go. |
220 | 00:11:14,480 | 00:11:17,400 | It's the most depressing place I think I've ever been in. | It's the most depressing place I think I've ever been in. |
221 | 00:11:17,480 | 00:11:18,840 | No, it's not. It's awesome. | No, it's not. It's awesome. |
222 | 00:11:18,920 | 00:11:21,680 | It's cool. It's kitsch. It's cute. | It's cool. It's kitsch. It's cute. |
223 | 00:11:28,640 | 00:11:30,440 | Eventually, I managed to calm Daddy down | Eventually, I managed to calm Daddy down |
224 | 00:11:30,520 | 00:11:33,320 | with the promise of a nice cup of tea and a bubble bath. | with the promise of a nice cup of tea and a bubble bath. |
225 | 00:11:36,640 | 00:11:38,520 | -Daddy? -What? | -Daddy? -What? |
226 | 00:11:38,600 | 00:11:40,720 | How much of this soap do you want me to save for you? | How much of this soap do you want me to save for you? |
227 | 00:11:40,800 | 00:11:43,120 | Don't be ridiculous. Why would I want soap? | Don't be ridiculous. Why would I want soap? |
228 | 00:11:43,200 | 00:11:44,440 | We're sharing a bar of soap. | We're sharing a bar of soap. |
229 | 00:11:44,520 | 00:11:47,400 | You want me to crack you off half? 'Cause if I give myself a once over, | You want me to crack you off half? 'Cause if I give myself a once over, |
230 | 00:11:47,480 | 00:11:49,680 | by the time it gets to you it'll be like a Brillo pad. | by the time it gets to you it'll be like a Brillo pad. |
231 | 00:11:49,760 | 00:11:53,920 | Exactly. And I don't want a soap like that with all your pubic hair all over it. | Exactly. And I don't want a soap like that with all your pubic hair all over it. |
232 | 00:11:54,000 | 00:11:57,760 | That's why I'm trying to say how much do you think you'll need for your shower? | That's why I'm trying to say how much do you think you'll need for your shower? |
233 | 00:11:57,840 | 00:12:01,920 | Or indeed the previous occupants of this room's pubic hair, | Or indeed the previous occupants of this room's pubic hair, |
234 | 00:12:02,000 | 00:12:05,320 | -which is more likely. - It is a fresh bar of soap. | -which is more likely. - It is a fresh bar of soap. |
235 | 00:12:05,400 | 00:12:07,720 | All right. Do you want tea? | All right. Do you want tea? |
236 | 00:12:07,800 | 00:12:08,880 | Yes, please. | Yes, please. |
237 | 00:12:09,640 | 00:12:13,280 | I've had an idea for my father-of-the-bride speech. | I've had an idea for my father-of-the-bride speech. |
238 | 00:12:13,360 | 00:12:14,200 | Yes? | Yes? |
239 | 00:12:14,280 | 00:12:16,800 | I thought I'd tell the Archie Tight story. | I thought I'd tell the Archie Tight story. |
240 | 00:12:17,280 | 00:12:18,640 | Who the fuck is Archie Tight? | Who the fuck is Archie Tight? |
241 | 00:12:18,720 | 00:12:21,160 | When I went to kiss Molly good night one evening, | When I went to kiss Molly good night one evening, |
242 | 00:12:21,240 | 00:12:24,920 | I read her a story and then I kissed her good night, | I read her a story and then I kissed her good night, |
243 | 00:12:25,000 | 00:12:26,880 | and she gave me a tongue kiss. | and she gave me a tongue kiss. |
244 | 00:12:27,560 | 00:12:28,440 | And I said, | And I said, |
245 | 00:12:28,920 | 00:12:31,440 | "Molly, what are you doing?" | "Molly, what are you doing?" |
246 | 00:12:31,920 | 00:12:34,120 | And she said, "That's a tongue kiss, Daddy." | And she said, "That's a tongue kiss, Daddy." |
247 | 00:12:34,640 | 00:12:36,640 | And I said, "Well, I know it is, | And I said, "Well, I know it is, |
248 | 00:12:36,720 | 00:12:38,760 | but what are you doing it on me for?" | but what are you doing it on me for?" |
249 | 00:12:39,200 | 00:12:42,560 | And she said, "Well, Archie Tight taught me to tongue kiss." | And she said, "Well, Archie Tight taught me to tongue kiss." |
250 | 00:12:42,640 | 00:12:44,000 | I said, "Right! | I said, "Right! |
251 | 00:12:44,080 | 00:12:48,080 | I'm gonna go round to that house and I'm gonna give that man--" | I'm gonna go round to that house and I'm gonna give that man--" |
252 | 00:12:48,160 | 00:12:49,040 | "Man"? | "Man"? |
253 | 00:12:49,120 | 00:12:50,480 | Well, the father. | Well, the father. |
254 | 00:12:50,560 | 00:12:53,120 | I thought that Archie Tight was a man. | I thought that Archie Tight was a man. |
255 | 00:12:53,200 | 00:12:55,120 | -No. -Oh, God. | -No. -Oh, God. |
256 | 00:12:55,200 | 00:12:58,080 | -This story's horrific! -"Gonna give him a real talking to." | -This story's horrific! -"Gonna give him a real talking to." |
257 | 00:12:58,160 | 00:13:00,680 | Anyway, your mother said not to make a fuss, | Anyway, your mother said not to make a fuss, |
258 | 00:13:00,760 | 00:13:02,440 | so I never did anything about it. | so I never did anything about it. |
259 | 00:13:02,520 | 00:13:05,400 | But I thought that might work well at the wedding. What do you think? | But I thought that might work well at the wedding. What do you think? |
260 | 00:13:05,480 | 00:13:07,600 | -You want to tell a story... -Yeah. | -You want to tell a story... -Yeah. |
261 | 00:13:07,680 | 00:13:09,280 | -...at my sister's wedding... -Yeah. | -...at my sister's wedding... -Yeah. |
262 | 00:13:09,360 | 00:13:11,880 | ...about the time she tried to tongue kiss you | ...about the time she tried to tongue kiss you |
263 | 00:13:11,960 | 00:13:13,920 | -after you'd read her a bedtime story... -Yeah. | -after you'd read her a bedtime story... -Yeah. |
264 | 00:13:14,000 | 00:13:16,840 | ...'cause one of her friends at school had taught her tongue kissing? | ...'cause one of her friends at school had taught her tongue kissing? |
265 | 00:13:16,920 | 00:13:18,120 | -Yeah. -No. | -Yeah. -No. |
266 | 00:13:18,200 | 00:13:20,720 | I don't think that would be an appropriate story for a wedding. | I don't think that would be an appropriate story for a wedding. |
267 | 00:13:20,800 | 00:13:22,040 | I'll keep thinking then. | I'll keep thinking then. |
268 | 00:13:25,000 | 00:13:26,760 | As well as seeing the incredible Uluru, | As well as seeing the incredible Uluru, |
269 | 00:13:26,840 | 00:13:30,240 | no trip to Australia would be complete without meeting the native wildlife. | no trip to Australia would be complete without meeting the native wildlife. |
270 | 00:13:30,800 | 00:13:32,800 | And the emu is my number one. | And the emu is my number one. |
271 | 00:13:33,360 | 00:13:37,080 | So I'd arranged for us to visit an emu farm in Marburg, Queensland | So I'd arranged for us to visit an emu farm in Marburg, Queensland |
272 | 00:13:37,160 | 00:13:39,600 | to get up close with these majestic birds. | to get up close with these majestic birds. |
273 | 00:13:40,440 | 00:13:42,960 | So excited for today. Love emus. | So excited for today. Love emus. |
274 | 00:13:43,520 | 00:13:46,480 | Can't believe I'll get to see one in its natural habitat. | Can't believe I'll get to see one in its natural habitat. |
275 | 00:13:46,560 | 00:13:49,280 | -So weird, your obsession with-- -Why is it weird? | -So weird, your obsession with-- -Why is it weird? |
276 | 00:13:49,360 | 00:13:50,880 | -It's just weird. -It's not. | -It's just weird. -It's not. |
277 | 00:13:50,960 | 00:13:53,320 | -Why would you be obsessed with emus? -You know why. | -Why would you be obsessed with emus? -You know why. |
278 | 00:13:53,400 | 00:13:55,320 | I played an emu in a school nativity play, | I played an emu in a school nativity play, |
279 | 00:13:55,400 | 00:13:57,800 | and ever since then they've been my spirit animal. | and ever since then they've been my spirit animal. |
280 | 00:13:58,360 | 00:14:01,520 | This would be like you going to a farm of Winston Churchills. | This would be like you going to a farm of Winston Churchills. |
281 | 00:14:01,600 | 00:14:04,200 | An emu is an animal. | An emu is an animal. |
282 | 00:14:04,280 | 00:14:06,040 | Winston Churchill isn't. | Winston Churchill isn't. |
283 | 00:14:06,120 | 00:14:09,960 | -I know, but-- -Why would Winston Churchill be in a farm? | -I know, but-- -Why would Winston Churchill be in a farm? |
284 | 00:14:10,040 | 00:14:12,600 | The point I'm making is, I'm obsessed with emus, | The point I'm making is, I'm obsessed with emus, |
285 | 00:14:12,680 | 00:14:14,680 | -you're obsessed with Winston Churchill. -Yes. | -you're obsessed with Winston Churchill. -Yes. |
286 | 00:14:14,760 | 00:14:17,400 | If by some means, there were a park | If by some means, there were a park |
287 | 00:14:17,480 | 00:14:21,120 | that were full of Winston Churchills, then you'd be excited about going to that. | that were full of Winston Churchills, then you'd be excited about going to that. |
288 | 00:14:21,200 | 00:14:23,960 | But there wouldn't be a park full of Winston Churchills. | But there wouldn't be a park full of Winston Churchills. |
289 | 00:14:24,040 | 00:14:25,720 | They didn't think there was gonna be a park | They didn't think there was gonna be a park |
290 | 00:14:25,800 | 00:14:28,800 | full of dinosaurs but then they found the... | full of dinosaurs but then they found the... |
291 | 00:14:29,440 | 00:14:32,320 | thing with the mosquito in it and they were able to clone dinosaurs | thing with the mosquito in it and they were able to clone dinosaurs |
292 | 00:14:32,400 | 00:14:33,720 | -and make Jurassic Park. -Yes. | -and make Jurassic Park. -Yes. |
293 | 00:14:33,800 | 00:14:36,240 | What if there was an equivalent with Winston Churchill | What if there was an equivalent with Winston Churchill |
294 | 00:14:36,320 | 00:14:40,200 | where they found one of his old cigars and they scraped off a bit of DNA, | where they found one of his old cigars and they scraped off a bit of DNA, |
295 | 00:14:40,280 | 00:14:44,600 | put it in a machine and then they cloned a load of Winston Churchills and made... | put it in a machine and then they cloned a load of Winston Churchills and made... |
296 | 00:14:44,680 | 00:14:45,720 | Churchill-land? | Churchill-land? |
297 | 00:14:45,800 | 00:14:47,760 | -Right. So you think-- -And there was a park. | -Right. So you think-- -And there was a park. |
298 | 00:14:47,840 | 00:14:53,280 | Do you think that as good a film would be a film where a lot of children | Do you think that as good a film would be a film where a lot of children |
299 | 00:14:53,360 | 00:14:57,760 | are trapped in this place that's full of Winston Churchills | are trapped in this place that's full of Winston Churchills |
300 | 00:14:57,840 | 00:15:02,920 | going through, putting his fingers up, and smoking a cigar? | going through, putting his fingers up, and smoking a cigar? |
301 | 00:15:03,000 | 00:15:06,760 | They would be terrified and locking the doors of the van. | They would be terrified and locking the doors of the van. |
302 | 00:15:06,840 | 00:15:09,240 | There could be a scene with those two kids hiding in a kitchen | There could be a scene with those two kids hiding in a kitchen |
303 | 00:15:09,320 | 00:15:10,800 | and then Winston comes in. | and then Winston comes in. |
304 | 00:15:11,480 | 00:15:13,480 | He just appears at the window, like... | He just appears at the window, like... |
305 | 00:15:15,040 | 00:15:17,000 | Then the glass of water starts shaking, | Then the glass of water starts shaking, |
306 | 00:15:17,080 | 00:15:20,680 | and it's 'cause you can hear him going, "We will fight them on the beaches." | and it's 'cause you can hear him going, "We will fight them on the beaches." |
307 | 00:15:20,760 | 00:15:22,000 | Would be quite a good film. | Would be quite a good film. |
308 | 00:15:22,560 | 00:15:26,200 | You're in the realms of complete, ludicrous fantasy. | You're in the realms of complete, ludicrous fantasy. |
309 | 00:15:26,680 | 00:15:28,320 | Absolute rubbish. | Absolute rubbish. |
310 | 00:15:31,040 | 00:15:34,800 | Unfortunately, just like Daddy's mood, the weather had taken a turn. | Unfortunately, just like Daddy's mood, the weather had taken a turn. |
311 | 00:15:34,880 | 00:15:37,760 | To cheer him up, I taught him the best emu fact there is: | To cheer him up, I taught him the best emu fact there is: |
312 | 00:15:37,840 | 00:15:39,320 | that they produce emu oil... | that they produce emu oil... |
313 | 00:15:39,800 | 00:15:42,720 | which some have claimed can help with anti-aging, cholesterol, | which some have claimed can help with anti-aging, cholesterol, |
314 | 00:15:42,800 | 00:15:46,040 | and as an anti-inflammatory, perfect for Daddy's gout. | and as an anti-inflammatory, perfect for Daddy's gout. |
315 | 00:15:47,040 | 00:15:47,880 | G'day. | G'day. |
316 | 00:15:47,960 | 00:15:50,680 | -Hey, Jack. How's it going? -Yes, Steve, how are you? | -Hey, Jack. How's it going? -Yes, Steve, how are you? |
317 | 00:15:50,760 | 00:15:52,840 | -Nice to meet you. -Good to see you. | -Nice to meet you. -Good to see you. |
318 | 00:15:52,920 | 00:15:56,200 | -Thanks for bringing the English weather. -Yes. | -Thanks for bringing the English weather. -Yes. |
319 | 00:15:56,280 | 00:15:57,760 | -Michael. -Hello. How are you? | -Michael. -Hello. How are you? |
320 | 00:15:57,840 | 00:15:58,960 | -Very good. -Good to meet you. | -Very good. -Good to meet you. |
321 | 00:15:59,440 | 00:16:00,640 | So this is an emu farm. | So this is an emu farm. |
322 | 00:16:01,080 | 00:16:04,440 | Yes. I've got about 3,000 emus all up at the moment. | Yes. I've got about 3,000 emus all up at the moment. |
323 | 00:16:04,520 | 00:16:06,200 | Great. This is your wife? | Great. This is your wife? |
324 | 00:16:06,280 | 00:16:07,520 | -Very nice-- -Huggy? | -Very nice-- -Huggy? |
325 | 00:16:07,600 | 00:16:09,720 | Huggy, yes. Very nice to meet you. | Huggy, yes. Very nice to meet you. |
326 | 00:16:09,800 | 00:16:10,880 | And huggy? | And huggy? |
327 | 00:16:10,960 | 00:16:13,720 | -Hello. How are you? -I'll kiss you. There we go. | -Hello. How are you? -I'll kiss you. There we go. |
328 | 00:16:15,520 | 00:16:16,680 | Wow. | Wow. |
329 | 00:16:16,760 | 00:16:20,320 | After Daddy got fresh with the locals, it was time for a detailed briefing. | After Daddy got fresh with the locals, it was time for a detailed briefing. |
330 | 00:16:20,400 | 00:16:22,000 | What we're gonna do today: | What we're gonna do today: |
331 | 00:16:22,080 | 00:16:25,000 | we're gonna just see if they're fat underneath the feathers. | we're gonna just see if they're fat underneath the feathers. |
332 | 00:16:25,080 | 00:16:28,760 | I want to sort of feel them and see if they got a big heap of fat on them. | I want to sort of feel them and see if they got a big heap of fat on them. |
333 | 00:16:29,160 | 00:16:31,960 | Before we head off down there to catch one of these emus, | Before we head off down there to catch one of these emus, |
334 | 00:16:32,040 | 00:16:36,080 | what we do is put the pads on so you don't get your legs hurt. | what we do is put the pads on so you don't get your legs hurt. |
335 | 00:16:36,160 | 00:16:37,320 | Are they quite vicious? | Are they quite vicious? |
336 | 00:16:37,400 | 00:16:40,080 | -One in 200 wants to kill you. -Really? | -One in 200 wants to kill you. -Really? |
337 | 00:16:40,160 | 00:16:42,360 | -I'll pick that one out for you. -Can you tell which one? | -I'll pick that one out for you. -Can you tell which one? |
338 | 00:16:42,440 | 00:16:44,280 | The one that's looking at you funny. | The one that's looking at you funny. |
339 | 00:16:44,920 | 00:16:47,840 | What are you gonna do, Michael? You gonna catch an emu or-- | What are you gonna do, Michael? You gonna catch an emu or-- |
340 | 00:16:47,920 | 00:16:50,320 | I think I'm probably gonna watch Jack, actually. | I think I'm probably gonna watch Jack, actually. |
341 | 00:16:53,920 | 00:16:54,920 | What's your tricks? | What's your tricks? |
342 | 00:16:55,000 | 00:16:59,160 | The main thing is, if you feel threatened at all, just put your hand up high, | The main thing is, if you feel threatened at all, just put your hand up high, |
343 | 00:16:59,240 | 00:17:01,920 | and go to them. Don't ever run away from an aggressive emu. | and go to them. Don't ever run away from an aggressive emu. |
344 | 00:17:02,000 | 00:17:04,240 | -'Cause you can't run faster than it. -Okay. | -'Cause you can't run faster than it. -Okay. |
345 | 00:17:04,320 | 00:17:07,040 | And if you're running away, it can rip you open with its feet. | And if you're running away, it can rip you open with its feet. |
346 | 00:17:07,120 | 00:17:08,280 | -All right. -Okay? | -All right. -Okay? |
347 | 00:17:09,480 | 00:17:11,400 | Quite scary now that we're up close. | Quite scary now that we're up close. |
348 | 00:17:12,520 | 00:17:15,120 | After this friendly but blood-curdling warning, | After this friendly but blood-curdling warning, |
349 | 00:17:15,200 | 00:17:17,320 | it was time to pad up for protection. | it was time to pad up for protection. |
350 | 00:17:17,400 | 00:17:18,960 | -What's that noise? | -What's that noise? |
351 | 00:17:19,040 | 00:17:22,640 | That's the females making the drumming noise and the males are making the grunt. | That's the females making the drumming noise and the males are making the grunt. |
352 | 00:17:22,720 | 00:17:23,720 | Okay. | Okay. |
353 | 00:17:23,800 | 00:17:25,960 | Maybe you should take a bat in as well... | Maybe you should take a bat in as well... |
354 | 00:17:26,560 | 00:17:27,480 | for good luck. | for good luck. |
355 | 00:17:29,040 | 00:17:30,360 | That one looks angry. | That one looks angry. |
356 | 00:17:30,720 | 00:17:33,560 | -That one wants to kill me. -That's the one you want. | -That one wants to kill me. -That's the one you want. |
357 | 00:17:33,640 | 00:17:35,040 | Get the angry one. | Get the angry one. |
358 | 00:17:35,240 | 00:17:37,240 | Okay, we just go up nice and gently. | Okay, we just go up nice and gently. |
359 | 00:17:37,320 | 00:17:39,040 | -Like that. - Got it! Got it! | -Like that. - Got it! Got it! |
360 | 00:17:40,440 | 00:17:44,080 | -Is that what it's gonna do when I get it? - Yeah. Isn't that fun? | -Is that what it's gonna do when I get it? - Yeah. Isn't that fun? |
361 | 00:17:44,440 | 00:17:46,400 | No, that is absolutely terrifying. | No, that is absolutely terrifying. |
362 | 00:17:46,680 | 00:17:49,400 | That one does not look like it wants to be taken from behind, Steve. | That one does not look like it wants to be taken from behind, Steve. |
363 | 00:17:49,480 | 00:17:51,120 | There you go. You're a fat bird. | There you go. You're a fat bird. |
364 | 00:17:51,200 | 00:17:52,840 | You wanna go away? There you go. | You wanna go away? There you go. |
365 | 00:17:54,360 | 00:17:55,480 | That's how you do it. | That's how you do it. |
366 | 00:17:55,560 | 00:17:57,000 | These all look quite big. | These all look quite big. |
367 | 00:17:57,080 | 00:17:58,600 | Okay, this one, this little one here. | Okay, this one, this little one here. |
368 | 00:18:00,920 | 00:18:02,800 | I'm not approaching that from behind. | I'm not approaching that from behind. |
369 | 00:18:06,440 | 00:18:08,440 | I mean... | I mean... |
370 | 00:18:08,520 | 00:18:10,600 | Whatever-- Whichever-- Let's just remember that one, | Whatever-- Whichever-- Let's just remember that one, |
371 | 00:18:10,680 | 00:18:12,680 | 'cause I'm not going anywhere near that one's ass. | 'cause I'm not going anywhere near that one's ass. |
372 | 00:18:13,240 | 00:18:14,240 | Just use the tree... | Just use the tree... |
373 | 00:18:16,760 | 00:18:17,640 | Come here! | Come here! |
374 | 00:18:19,480 | 00:18:20,400 | No. Back off. | No. Back off. |
375 | 00:18:22,160 | 00:18:23,920 | I don't like the sound of that one. | I don't like the sound of that one. |
376 | 00:18:24,000 | 00:18:24,920 | What about you? | What about you? |
377 | 00:18:33,640 | 00:18:36,360 | This is a complete and utter waste of time. | This is a complete and utter waste of time. |
378 | 00:18:39,960 | 00:18:41,880 | - Oh, fuck! - Nearly, Jack, nearly. | - Oh, fuck! - Nearly, Jack, nearly. |
379 | 00:18:46,040 | 00:18:48,760 | Oh, Steve. The big takedown. | Oh, Steve. The big takedown. |
380 | 00:18:48,840 | 00:18:50,200 | -No! -I'm down. | -No! -I'm down. |
381 | 00:18:50,280 | 00:18:51,800 | He's been left in the mud! | He's been left in the mud! |
382 | 00:18:51,880 | 00:18:53,920 | He thought he had her in the cab. | He thought he had her in the cab. |
383 | 00:18:54,000 | 00:18:55,400 | And she was outta there. | And she was outta there. |
384 | 00:18:55,480 | 00:18:57,680 | Don't worry. Happens to the best of us. Oh, God. | Don't worry. Happens to the best of us. Oh, God. |
385 | 00:18:57,760 | 00:18:59,520 | -Look at that. -Didn't think that through. | -Look at that. -Didn't think that through. |
386 | 00:18:59,920 | 00:19:01,280 | You really committed to that. | You really committed to that. |
387 | 00:19:01,360 | 00:19:03,160 | Okay, right. You shouldn't do that. | Okay, right. You shouldn't do that. |
388 | 00:19:03,640 | 00:19:07,280 | -No, that didn't look like the technique. -As soon as you fall over, let 'em go. | -No, that didn't look like the technique. -As soon as you fall over, let 'em go. |
389 | 00:19:08,120 | 00:19:11,960 | It's like a woman, like catching a woman, you know, very gently, slowly. | It's like a woman, like catching a woman, you know, very gently, slowly. |
390 | 00:19:12,040 | 00:19:14,960 | Not quite how I treat women, but I guess we're in Australia now, | Not quite how I treat women, but I guess we're in Australia now, |
391 | 00:19:15,040 | 00:19:17,320 | and I'm too eager and too keen at the moment. | and I'm too eager and too keen at the moment. |
392 | 00:19:17,400 | 00:19:18,920 | And I'm looking a little desperate. | And I'm looking a little desperate. |
393 | 00:19:19,000 | 00:19:21,120 | -Yeah. -I just need to be a bit more nonchalant. | -Yeah. -I just need to be a bit more nonchalant. |
394 | 00:19:21,200 | 00:19:23,320 | Just a little bit more gentle. | Just a little bit more gentle. |
395 | 00:19:23,400 | 00:19:25,360 | Do you think if I smoked, that would help? | Do you think if I smoked, that would help? |
396 | 00:19:25,440 | 00:19:26,440 | Yeah. | Yeah. |
397 | 00:19:27,320 | 00:19:29,800 | We might be waiting a while. Have you got plenty of time? | We might be waiting a while. Have you got plenty of time? |
398 | 00:19:29,880 | 00:19:31,520 | All the time in the world, baby. | All the time in the world, baby. |
399 | 00:19:33,200 | 00:19:36,280 | - I found one that wants to kill me. - That's the one you want. | - I found one that wants to kill me. - That's the one you want. |
400 | 00:19:36,360 | 00:19:38,760 | -The one that wants to kill you. -This one. My God, look at it! | -The one that wants to kill you. -This one. My God, look at it! |
401 | 00:19:38,840 | 00:19:41,600 | I'd keep away from that one, if I were you, Jack. | I'd keep away from that one, if I were you, Jack. |
402 | 00:19:41,680 | 00:19:43,680 | -It doesn't look at all pleased. | -It doesn't look at all pleased. |
403 | 00:19:43,760 | 00:19:45,080 | This one hates me. | This one hates me. |
404 | 00:19:45,160 | 00:19:48,280 | You can't have a friend. That's not fair. This is the first time I've done it. | You can't have a friend. That's not fair. This is the first time I've done it. |
405 | 00:19:49,040 | 00:19:50,720 | This is the one. This is the one. | This is the one. This is the one. |
406 | 00:19:51,840 | 00:19:53,800 | I'm really sorry for what I'm about to do. | I'm really sorry for what I'm about to do. |
407 | 00:19:53,880 | 00:19:56,880 | I would never normally approach someone like this, | I would never normally approach someone like this, |
408 | 00:19:56,960 | 00:20:00,280 | especially when I've first just met them, but I'm gonna have to. | especially when I've first just met them, but I'm gonna have to. |
409 | 00:20:00,680 | 00:20:02,280 | - Grab his wings. -I've got him. | - Grab his wings. -I've got him. |
410 | 00:20:02,360 | 00:20:04,480 | - Yes, Jack, go! -I've got him! | - Yes, Jack, go! -I've got him! |
411 | 00:20:04,560 | 00:20:06,200 | -I'm so sorry. - You've got him. | -I'm so sorry. - You've got him. |
412 | 00:20:06,280 | 00:20:07,480 | Well done, Jack. | Well done, Jack. |
413 | 00:20:07,960 | 00:20:10,000 | -Ooh! Now what do I do? - Let him go. | -Ooh! Now what do I do? - Let him go. |
414 | 00:20:10,080 | 00:20:12,840 | -Off you go. Thank you. I'm so sorry. -There you go. That's it. | -Off you go. Thank you. I'm so sorry. -There you go. That's it. |
415 | 00:20:14,320 | 00:20:16,640 | Oh, my God! Oh, my God! | Oh, my God! Oh, my God! |
416 | 00:20:17,240 | 00:20:18,520 | That was exhilarating. | That was exhilarating. |
417 | 00:20:20,040 | 00:20:23,480 | So once I got the emu, then the legs were flailing around everywhere. | So once I got the emu, then the legs were flailing around everywhere. |
418 | 00:20:23,560 | 00:20:24,600 | How do you milk it? | How do you milk it? |
419 | 00:20:25,080 | 00:20:28,640 | Okay, so they obviously don't have an udder like a cow. | Okay, so they obviously don't have an udder like a cow. |
420 | 00:20:28,720 | 00:20:30,480 | When we process the emu-- | When we process the emu-- |
421 | 00:20:30,560 | 00:20:33,400 | Take into account their meat is one of the healthiest meats in the world. | Take into account their meat is one of the healthiest meats in the world. |
422 | 00:20:33,480 | 00:20:35,880 | Where's the oil come from if it hasn't got tits? | Where's the oil come from if it hasn't got tits? |
423 | 00:20:35,960 | 00:20:39,240 | So the fat is-- Then becomes-- We melt it at a low temperature, | So the fat is-- Then becomes-- We melt it at a low temperature, |
424 | 00:20:39,320 | 00:20:41,200 | and that becomes our oil. | and that becomes our oil. |
425 | 00:20:41,280 | 00:20:43,800 | -So the oil doesn't come from a tit? -No. | -So the oil doesn't come from a tit? -No. |
426 | 00:20:43,880 | 00:20:48,000 | It comes from the fat that is a blanket over the meat of the emu. | It comes from the fat that is a blanket over the meat of the emu. |
427 | 00:20:48,080 | 00:20:48,920 | Okay. | Okay. |
428 | 00:20:49,000 | 00:20:51,440 | And with that I was left reeling from the news | And with that I was left reeling from the news |
429 | 00:20:51,520 | 00:20:54,160 | that my beloved birds have to be killed for their fat | that my beloved birds have to be killed for their fat |
430 | 00:20:54,240 | 00:20:55,800 | to make oil for Daddy's gout. | to make oil for Daddy's gout. |
431 | 00:20:57,920 | 00:21:01,080 | I'm so, so sorry. I'm sorry for what I've just heard. | I'm so, so sorry. I'm sorry for what I've just heard. |
432 | 00:21:02,520 | 00:21:06,520 | We've come to an emu farm because I wanted to see these beautiful graceful birds, | We've come to an emu farm because I wanted to see these beautiful graceful birds, |
433 | 00:21:06,600 | 00:21:07,520 | my spirit animals. | my spirit animals. |
434 | 00:21:07,600 | 00:21:09,480 | And I knew that there was emu oil, | And I knew that there was emu oil, |
435 | 00:21:09,560 | 00:21:11,960 | but I assumed that was something that came out of a tit. | but I assumed that was something that came out of a tit. |
436 | 00:21:12,440 | 00:21:13,760 | I'm devastated. | I'm devastated. |
437 | 00:21:15,400 | 00:21:18,560 | Look at this beautiful bird. How could you want to kill that? | Look at this beautiful bird. How could you want to kill that? |
438 | 00:21:19,240 | 00:21:20,280 | How? Okay... | How? Okay... |
439 | 00:21:20,920 | 00:21:23,600 | No, I'm not attacking you. I was actually defending you right now. | No, I'm not attacking you. I was actually defending you right now. |
440 | 00:21:25,240 | 00:21:27,640 | It was time to lead my people to freedom, | It was time to lead my people to freedom, |
441 | 00:21:27,720 | 00:21:29,280 | like an emu Moses. | like an emu Moses. |
442 | 00:21:30,640 | 00:21:33,120 | Well done, Steve. That was very impressive. | Well done, Steve. That was very impressive. |
443 | 00:21:33,200 | 00:21:35,840 | -Quite good, wasn't it? -Yeah. Very impressive. | -Quite good, wasn't it? -Yeah. Very impressive. |
444 | 00:21:38,120 | 00:21:40,000 | Wait till he's in the farmhouse, | Wait till he's in the farmhouse, |
445 | 00:21:40,080 | 00:21:41,960 | -then make your move. - Jack, the gate! | -then make your move. - Jack, the gate! |
446 | 00:21:42,440 | 00:21:44,200 | Oh, shit. Sorry, sorry, sorry. | Oh, shit. Sorry, sorry, sorry. |
447 | 00:21:44,880 | 00:21:47,200 | -We don't want to catch one out there. -Sorry, sorry, sorry. | -We don't want to catch one out there. -Sorry, sorry, sorry. |
448 | 00:21:47,280 | 00:21:49,280 | I thought it was locked secured on the thing. | I thought it was locked secured on the thing. |
449 | 00:21:50,120 | 00:21:51,760 | -Is it one of those? -Yeah. | -Is it one of those? -Yeah. |
450 | 00:21:51,840 | 00:21:52,840 | Sorry. | Sorry. |
451 | 00:21:55,240 | 00:21:56,520 | We put a double chain around it. | We put a double chain around it. |
452 | 00:21:56,600 | 00:21:58,640 | That's why. I thought it was on the thing there. | That's why. I thought it was on the thing there. |
453 | 00:21:58,720 | 00:22:00,400 | -Now, we've got it locked. -Sorry. | -Now, we've got it locked. -Sorry. |
454 | 00:22:00,480 | 00:22:01,640 | You can't be an emu farmer | You can't be an emu farmer |
455 | 00:22:01,720 | 00:22:04,200 | -without knowing how to lock a gate. -Yeah. Sorry. | -without knowing how to lock a gate. -Yeah. Sorry. |
456 | 00:22:06,640 | 00:22:08,760 | Why have you gone all David Attenborough? | Why have you gone all David Attenborough? |
457 | 00:22:08,840 | 00:22:11,560 | I thought they milked them to get the oil from a tit. | I thought they milked them to get the oil from a tit. |
458 | 00:22:11,640 | 00:22:14,600 | No. That's the sort of conversation you get from a tit. | No. That's the sort of conversation you get from a tit. |
459 | 00:22:14,680 | 00:22:17,440 | Not from a tit in that respect. | Not from a tit in that respect. |
460 | 00:22:22,960 | 00:22:26,680 | After a hard day on the farm, Steve and Sarah had invited Daddy and me | After a hard day on the farm, Steve and Sarah had invited Daddy and me |
461 | 00:22:26,760 | 00:22:28,800 | to stay the night at their farmhouse. | to stay the night at their farmhouse. |
462 | 00:22:29,440 | 00:22:32,520 | So what are the other properties of emu oil? | So what are the other properties of emu oil? |
463 | 00:22:32,600 | 00:22:35,880 | Cleans out all your pipes and also helps your sex drive. | Cleans out all your pipes and also helps your sex drive. |
464 | 00:22:36,200 | 00:22:37,840 | -Right. Very good. -So... | -Right. Very good. -So... |
465 | 00:22:38,440 | 00:22:41,960 | -Right. -Yeah. Come in. This is your bedroom. | -Right. -Yeah. Come in. This is your bedroom. |
466 | 00:22:44,160 | 00:22:46,160 | So here we are. It's very nice. | So here we are. It's very nice. |
467 | 00:22:47,240 | 00:22:48,520 | What do you think, Jack? | What do you think, Jack? |
468 | 00:22:49,120 | 00:22:50,600 | - Thank you. -Nice room. | - Thank you. -Nice room. |
469 | 00:22:51,240 | 00:22:54,000 | -I'll leave you to it for the moment. - Thank you. | -I'll leave you to it for the moment. - Thank you. |
470 | 00:22:54,080 | 00:22:55,200 | She's very nice. | She's very nice. |
471 | 00:22:56,440 | 00:22:58,600 | Sarah. Bless her. | Sarah. Bless her. |
472 | 00:23:01,680 | 00:23:03,320 | I'm sorry. I just feel weird. | I'm sorry. I just feel weird. |
473 | 00:23:03,680 | 00:23:04,520 | What? | What? |
474 | 00:23:04,600 | 00:23:06,080 | It just doesn't sit right with me. | It just doesn't sit right with me. |
475 | 00:23:07,240 | 00:23:09,960 | I mean, I don't understand what you're talking about. | I mean, I don't understand what you're talking about. |
476 | 00:23:10,040 | 00:23:12,440 | I mean, it's just like a big fucking chicken. | I mean, it's just like a big fucking chicken. |
477 | 00:23:12,520 | 00:23:14,480 | -You're quite happy to eat a chicken. -It is not-- | -You're quite happy to eat a chicken. -It is not-- |
478 | 00:23:14,560 | 00:23:18,280 | But you're not wanting to eat an emu because-- "Oh, my little emu!" | But you're not wanting to eat an emu because-- "Oh, my little emu!" |
479 | 00:23:18,760 | 00:23:22,040 | It's a big chicken that's got an extra-long neck. | It's a big chicken that's got an extra-long neck. |
480 | 00:23:22,120 | 00:23:26,760 | It's not a big chicken. It's a graceful, beautiful emu. | It's not a big chicken. It's a graceful, beautiful emu. |
481 | 00:23:26,840 | 00:23:30,560 | What about that place you used to go to all the time? Peri-peri chicken. | What about that place you used to go to all the time? Peri-peri chicken. |
482 | 00:23:30,640 | 00:23:32,160 | -Nando's. -Nando's! | -Nando's. -Nando's! |
483 | 00:23:32,600 | 00:23:35,040 | You were quite happy to get all that going. | You were quite happy to get all that going. |
484 | 00:23:35,120 | 00:23:38,440 | And get it all for free and have your Nando's card | And get it all for free and have your Nando's card |
485 | 00:23:38,520 | 00:23:40,880 | -and show it off. -Because Nando's is chicken. | -and show it off. -Because Nando's is chicken. |
486 | 00:23:40,960 | 00:23:43,400 | If Nando's was emu, I wouldn't eat there. | If Nando's was emu, I wouldn't eat there. |
487 | 00:23:43,480 | 00:23:45,840 | If there was peri-peri emu, I wouldn't be eating it. | If there was peri-peri emu, I wouldn't be eating it. |
488 | 00:23:45,920 | 00:23:48,200 | I think they're a very, very nice couple. | I think they're a very, very nice couple. |
489 | 00:23:48,640 | 00:23:50,640 | Right? So don't be rude to them. | Right? So don't be rude to them. |
490 | 00:23:50,720 | 00:23:53,200 | -I'm not being rude. I just like emus. -Don't get all aggressive. | -I'm not being rude. I just like emus. -Don't get all aggressive. |
491 | 00:23:53,600 | 00:23:56,240 | Very beneficial to the world | Very beneficial to the world |
492 | 00:23:56,760 | 00:24:00,800 | having emus that provide oil and meat. | having emus that provide oil and meat. |
493 | 00:24:01,640 | 00:24:05,480 | And also for Rod Hull, obviously it was a different thing, but... | And also for Rod Hull, obviously it was a different thing, but... |
494 | 00:24:06,880 | 00:24:10,440 | Sheep? Do you think it's unfair to take the wool off sheep? | Sheep? Do you think it's unfair to take the wool off sheep? |
495 | 00:24:11,640 | 00:24:13,640 | -No, that's slightly different. -Yoo-hoo. | -No, that's slightly different. -Yoo-hoo. |
496 | 00:24:13,720 | 00:24:15,880 | -It's just me. Sorry. -Oh, my God. | -It's just me. Sorry. -Oh, my God. |
497 | 00:24:15,960 | 00:24:18,440 | -Hello. -I just want to present Jack | -Hello. -I just want to present Jack |
498 | 00:24:18,520 | 00:24:20,880 | with a beautiful gift that my girls made for you. | with a beautiful gift that my girls made for you. |
499 | 00:24:20,960 | 00:24:22,880 | -Wow. -It's made of emu feathers. | -Wow. -It's made of emu feathers. |
500 | 00:24:22,960 | 00:24:25,880 | Look. That is so nice, Jack. | Look. That is so nice, Jack. |
501 | 00:24:25,960 | 00:24:28,360 | I don't know whether it would go well with this. | I don't know whether it would go well with this. |
502 | 00:24:28,440 | 00:24:31,000 | -Yes, it would. It'll match beautifully. -It would. It's the color. | -Yes, it would. It'll match beautifully. -It would. It's the color. |
503 | 00:24:31,080 | 00:24:32,920 | -With your brown shirt. -Look at the color. | -With your brown shirt. -Look at the color. |
504 | 00:24:33,000 | 00:24:34,160 | Don't be afraid. I don't bite. | Don't be afraid. I don't bite. |
505 | 00:24:34,240 | 00:24:36,920 | -Why don't you put it on Daddy? -No, it's not for me. | -Why don't you put it on Daddy? -No, it's not for me. |
506 | 00:24:37,000 | 00:24:38,240 | It's very kind of you. | It's very kind of you. |
507 | 00:24:38,320 | 00:24:40,440 | -There we go. Turn around. -Wow. | -There we go. Turn around. -Wow. |
508 | 00:24:40,520 | 00:24:43,080 | -That's you, Jack. -And we'll tie it up like a lion, | -That's you, Jack. -And we'll tie it up like a lion, |
509 | 00:24:43,160 | 00:24:44,880 | -but it's an emu. -That is so you. | -but it's an emu. -That is so you. |
510 | 00:24:45,280 | 00:24:47,480 | So now we call you Jack the emu. | So now we call you Jack the emu. |
511 | 00:24:47,680 | 00:24:50,440 | -Yes. That is very elegant. -It's like my emu costume. | -Yes. That is very elegant. -It's like my emu costume. |
512 | 00:24:50,520 | 00:24:52,920 | -There we go. I'll leave you with that. -Thank you so much. | -There we go. I'll leave you with that. -Thank you so much. |
513 | 00:24:53,000 | 00:24:55,240 | -That's lovely. Thank you very much. -Thank you. | -That's lovely. Thank you very much. -Thank you. |
514 | 00:24:55,320 | 00:24:57,480 | -We wanted to give you something special. -Thank you. | -We wanted to give you something special. -Thank you. |
515 | 00:24:57,560 | 00:24:59,560 | -Thank you. -Well, enjoy the night. | -Thank you. -Well, enjoy the night. |
516 | 00:24:59,640 | 00:25:01,640 | -Thank you. -What a lovely gift! | -Thank you. -What a lovely gift! |
517 | 00:25:01,720 | 00:25:03,600 | It just needs to be a little bit more... | It just needs to be a little bit more... |
518 | 00:25:04,320 | 00:25:05,680 | over that way on the shoulder. | over that way on the shoulder. |
519 | 00:25:05,760 | 00:25:07,160 | -You're loving this. -There we are. | -You're loving this. -There we are. |
520 | 00:25:07,920 | 00:25:10,120 | She's literally skinned an emu, and she's put it on me. | She's literally skinned an emu, and she's put it on me. |
521 | 00:25:10,200 | 00:25:12,400 | Well, I don't think it's recently skinned. | Well, I don't think it's recently skinned. |
522 | 00:25:12,480 | 00:25:13,680 | Might actually be. | Might actually be. |
523 | 00:25:13,760 | 00:25:15,960 | She's like Buffalo Bill. That's what she's like. | She's like Buffalo Bill. That's what she's like. |
524 | 00:25:16,040 | 00:25:18,800 | -What do you mean? -I'm trapped in Silence of the Emus. | -What do you mean? -I'm trapped in Silence of the Emus. |
525 | 00:25:19,480 | 00:25:20,600 | All right. Okay. | All right. Okay. |
526 | 00:25:20,680 | 00:25:23,880 | Maybe she's gonna bring in the still-beating heart of an emu | Maybe she's gonna bring in the still-beating heart of an emu |
527 | 00:25:23,960 | 00:25:27,480 | for me to take a bite out of and smear the blood across my forehead. | for me to take a bite out of and smear the blood across my forehead. |
528 | 00:25:28,280 | 00:25:30,560 | What's really annoying is I do really like it. | What's really annoying is I do really like it. |
529 | 00:25:30,800 | 00:25:32,880 | I love the look of it. I love the sheen. | I love the look of it. I love the sheen. |
530 | 00:25:33,480 | 00:25:34,800 | I love the movement, the sway. | I love the movement, the sway. |
531 | 00:25:40,920 | 00:25:41,920 | She's very talented. | She's very talented. |
532 | 00:25:42,440 | 00:25:43,600 | -She is. -She is. | -She is. -She is. |
533 | 00:25:48,480 | 00:25:51,640 | After a sleepless night, we bid Steve and Sarah farewell. | After a sleepless night, we bid Steve and Sarah farewell. |
534 | 00:25:51,880 | 00:25:54,440 | It was almost time to start our adventure to Uluru. | It was almost time to start our adventure to Uluru. |
535 | 00:25:54,520 | 00:25:57,920 | But before we'd left the farm, we'd learned that today was Australia Day, | But before we'd left the farm, we'd learned that today was Australia Day, |
536 | 00:25:58,000 | 00:25:59,240 | a national holiday. | a national holiday. |
537 | 00:25:59,320 | 00:26:01,240 | And our hosts had suggested a country pub | And our hosts had suggested a country pub |
538 | 00:26:01,320 | 00:26:03,200 | that would be the perfect place to spend it. | that would be the perfect place to spend it. |
539 | 00:26:03,280 | 00:26:06,240 | I've been thinking about my wedding speech again. | I've been thinking about my wedding speech again. |
540 | 00:26:06,320 | 00:26:09,560 | What I thought might be a bit of a showstopper | What I thought might be a bit of a showstopper |
541 | 00:26:09,640 | 00:26:13,480 | was if I told the "poy" joke, which I don't think you've ever heard. | was if I told the "poy" joke, which I don't think you've ever heard. |
542 | 00:26:13,560 | 00:26:15,160 | It's always been a favorite of mine. | It's always been a favorite of mine. |
543 | 00:26:15,240 | 00:26:18,800 | It's the one about the man who was a gourmet, and-- | It's the one about the man who was a gourmet, and-- |
544 | 00:26:18,880 | 00:26:21,240 | I could just have it as a surprise on the day. | I could just have it as a surprise on the day. |
545 | 00:26:22,280 | 00:26:24,160 | -And he was obsessed... -Okay, I'm getting it. | -And he was obsessed... -Okay, I'm getting it. |
546 | 00:26:24,240 | 00:26:26,560 | ...with finding the best food | ...with finding the best food |
547 | 00:26:26,640 | 00:26:29,600 | that he could possibly find around the world. | that he could possibly find around the world. |
548 | 00:26:29,680 | 00:26:33,320 | Is it one of your stories I'm gonna need to put the seat into recline for? | Is it one of your stories I'm gonna need to put the seat into recline for? |
549 | 00:26:33,400 | 00:26:38,840 | His big obsession was finding this amazing dish called "poy." | His big obsession was finding this amazing dish called "poy." |
550 | 00:26:39,840 | 00:26:44,800 | There was one place that made it, and it was at the top of the Himalayas. | There was one place that made it, and it was at the top of the Himalayas. |
551 | 00:26:45,440 | 00:26:48,200 | And he just decided that he was gonna do it. | And he just decided that he was gonna do it. |
552 | 00:26:51,760 | 00:26:53,960 | ...and he traveled to various places, | ...and he traveled to various places, |
553 | 00:26:54,040 | 00:26:56,560 | and I won't bore you with all the beginnings. | and I won't bore you with all the beginnings. |
554 | 00:26:56,640 | 00:26:58,200 | It makes it a very long story. | It makes it a very long story. |
555 | 00:26:58,760 | 00:27:02,240 | But the point is, that his big obsession was... | But the point is, that his big obsession was... |
556 | 00:27:05,040 | 00:27:08,680 | ...so he hired some camels to help... | ...so he hired some camels to help... |
557 | 00:27:11,160 | 00:27:17,320 | ...so he goes to the foot of this mountain and he talks to various people, sherpas. | ...so he goes to the foot of this mountain and he talks to various people, sherpas. |
558 | 00:27:17,400 | 00:27:19,800 | And he said, "Look, I've come all the way from England, | And he said, "Look, I've come all the way from England, |
559 | 00:27:19,880 | 00:27:23,920 | and I am desperate to taste this incredible dish called 'poy.' | and I am desperate to taste this incredible dish called 'poy.' |
560 | 00:27:24,560 | 00:27:26,400 | Do you know where I can find it?" | Do you know where I can find it?" |
561 | 00:27:32,880 | 00:27:35,960 | So, eventually he walked into the restaurant, | So, eventually he walked into the restaurant, |
562 | 00:27:36,040 | 00:27:38,600 | and this little man came over to him. | and this little man came over to him. |
563 | 00:27:38,680 | 00:27:39,960 | Maybe a Himalayan man. | Maybe a Himalayan man. |
564 | 00:27:40,040 | 00:27:42,760 | -Tibet. -Tibetan! Exactly. | -Tibet. -Tibetan! Exactly. |
565 | 00:27:42,840 | 00:27:44,520 | That was it, "Tibetan man." | That was it, "Tibetan man." |
566 | 00:27:46,000 | 00:27:48,080 | And he said... "Sit down, sir." | And he said... "Sit down, sir." |
567 | 00:27:48,160 | 00:27:49,320 | -Okay, let's-- -What? | -Okay, let's-- -What? |
568 | 00:27:49,400 | 00:27:51,840 | Maybe just rein that voice in a little bit? | Maybe just rein that voice in a little bit? |
569 | 00:27:51,920 | 00:27:53,800 | -No, because he was Tibetan. -Okay. | -No, because he was Tibetan. -Okay. |
570 | 00:27:53,880 | 00:27:54,920 | He had a little accent. | He had a little accent. |
571 | 00:27:55,000 | 00:27:56,240 | Right, stop saying "little." | Right, stop saying "little." |
572 | 00:27:56,320 | 00:27:59,040 | -Because "little" makes it even worse. -'Cause he was a little man. | -Because "little" makes it even worse. -'Cause he was a little man. |
573 | 00:27:59,120 | 00:28:00,320 | He was a little Tibetan. | He was a little Tibetan. |
574 | 00:28:00,400 | 00:28:01,280 | Right. Okay. | Right. Okay. |
575 | 00:28:01,760 | 00:28:05,400 | We don't need "little," and let's just take the edge off that voice. | We don't need "little," and let's just take the edge off that voice. |
576 | 00:28:06,520 | 00:28:09,760 | So this small Tibetan man said, | So this small Tibetan man said, |
577 | 00:28:10,520 | 00:28:13,200 | "Good evening, sir. What can I do for you?" | "Good evening, sir. What can I do for you?" |
578 | 00:28:13,280 | 00:28:17,040 | And the man said, "I have traveled all the way from London | And the man said, "I have traveled all the way from London |
579 | 00:28:17,120 | 00:28:20,120 | to try your fantastic 'poy.'" | to try your fantastic 'poy.'" |
580 | 00:28:20,600 | 00:28:26,760 | And the little man said, "Ah, 'poy'? What sort of 'poy' you like? | And the little man said, "Ah, 'poy'? What sort of 'poy' you like? |
581 | 00:28:26,840 | 00:28:30,760 | Shepherd's 'poy'? Steak and kidney 'poy'?" | Shepherd's 'poy'? Steak and kidney 'poy'?" |
582 | 00:28:30,840 | 00:28:32,080 | Oh, my God. | Oh, my God. |
583 | 00:28:32,160 | 00:28:33,360 | "Chicken 'poy'?" | "Chicken 'poy'?" |
584 | 00:28:33,960 | 00:28:36,480 | -That is 30 minutes... -"Chicken and mushroom 'poy'?" | -That is 30 minutes... -"Chicken and mushroom 'poy'?" |
585 | 00:28:36,560 | 00:28:39,400 | -...I'm never gonna get back from my life. -"Turkey 'poy'?" | -...I'm never gonna get back from my life. -"Turkey 'poy'?" |
586 | 00:28:43,000 | 00:28:44,440 | "Steak 'poy'? | "Steak 'poy'? |
587 | 00:28:45,160 | 00:28:47,040 | Steak and ale 'poy'?" | Steak and ale 'poy'?" |
588 | 00:28:50,240 | 00:28:53,680 | You genuinely want to tell that joke, at Molly's wedding? | You genuinely want to tell that joke, at Molly's wedding? |
589 | 00:28:54,240 | 00:28:58,920 | Well, obviously I'll say how wonderful Molly is and how lovely her husband is. | Well, obviously I'll say how wonderful Molly is and how lovely her husband is. |
590 | 00:28:59,000 | 00:29:03,320 | Just do that, then, and don't do the 30 minute story about a man-- | Just do that, then, and don't do the 30 minute story about a man-- |
591 | 00:29:03,400 | 00:29:06,240 | -It wasn't 30 minutes. No. -It was pretty long. | -It wasn't 30 minutes. No. -It was pretty long. |
592 | 00:29:06,320 | 00:29:09,280 | It was the longest joke I've ever heard in my entire life. | It was the longest joke I've ever heard in my entire life. |
593 | 00:29:09,360 | 00:29:10,960 | Ten minutes, tops. | Ten minutes, tops. |
594 | 00:29:11,800 | 00:29:14,000 | -Honestly. -Which is 10 minutes too long | -Honestly. -Which is 10 minutes too long |
595 | 00:29:14,080 | 00:29:15,080 | for that joke. | for that joke. |
596 | 00:29:22,880 | 00:29:25,640 | After what seemed like the longest journey known to man, | After what seemed like the longest journey known to man, |
597 | 00:29:25,720 | 00:29:29,640 | we'd arrived at the Crown Hotel in Maryvale for Australia Day, | we'd arrived at the Crown Hotel in Maryvale for Australia Day, |
598 | 00:29:29,720 | 00:29:32,680 | where we'd been told to look out for owners Annie and Mike. | where we'd been told to look out for owners Annie and Mike. |
599 | 00:29:35,640 | 00:29:38,160 | So who are we meeting here? Fuck! | So who are we meeting here? Fuck! |
600 | 00:29:39,280 | 00:29:41,400 | I've decided to go vegan after last night. | I've decided to go vegan after last night. |
601 | 00:29:41,480 | 00:29:42,800 | -Vegan. -Yeah. | -Vegan. -Yeah. |
602 | 00:29:42,880 | 00:29:45,680 | If you go vegan, that's it with you and me. | If you go vegan, that's it with you and me. |
603 | 00:29:45,760 | 00:29:48,560 | -Why? -You can do anything. You can vote Labour, | -Why? -You can do anything. You can vote Labour, |
604 | 00:29:48,640 | 00:29:51,120 | -but you do not become a vegan. -I am. | -but you do not become a vegan. -I am. |
605 | 00:29:52,240 | 00:29:53,480 | Hey, how are you? | Hey, how are you? |
606 | 00:29:53,560 | 00:29:55,280 | -This is my father. -How do you do? | -This is my father. -How do you do? |
607 | 00:29:55,360 | 00:29:57,120 | -How are you? I'm Annie. -Nice to meet you. | -How are you? I'm Annie. -Nice to meet you. |
608 | 00:29:57,680 | 00:30:01,240 | So today is a celebration of Australia Day. | So today is a celebration of Australia Day. |
609 | 00:30:01,320 | 00:30:03,920 | The first settlers coming over here in 1788. | The first settlers coming over here in 1788. |
610 | 00:30:04,000 | 00:30:06,120 | - Correct. -He knew quite a few of them. | - Correct. -He knew quite a few of them. |
611 | 00:30:06,200 | 00:30:07,720 | So it's a big day for him. | So it's a big day for him. |
612 | 00:30:07,800 | 00:30:11,120 | With introductions complete, it was time to meet some of the locals. | With introductions complete, it was time to meet some of the locals. |
613 | 00:30:11,200 | 00:30:12,920 | -I'm Barney. -Hello, sir. How are you? | -I'm Barney. -Hello, sir. How are you? |
614 | 00:30:13,000 | 00:30:15,240 | -How do you do, sir? -Who the fuck are you, mate? | -How do you do, sir? -Who the fuck are you, mate? |
615 | 00:30:15,320 | 00:30:17,760 | I notice you've dispensed with your shirt. | I notice you've dispensed with your shirt. |
616 | 00:30:17,840 | 00:30:20,120 | -This is what I wear in the summertime. - Really? | -This is what I wear in the summertime. - Really? |
617 | 00:30:20,480 | 00:30:22,520 | You are wearing shorts. Thank God for that. | You are wearing shorts. Thank God for that. |
618 | 00:30:24,120 | 00:30:26,360 | -Stand up on the chair. - Let's get this shirt off. | -Stand up on the chair. - Let's get this shirt off. |
619 | 00:30:26,440 | 00:30:28,840 | No fucking way. | No fucking way. |
620 | 00:30:28,920 | 00:30:30,640 | -Get it off. -Come on. | -Get it off. -Come on. |
621 | 00:30:30,720 | 00:30:33,760 | -I'll tell you what I will do. -Sun's out, guns out. | -I'll tell you what I will do. -Sun's out, guns out. |
622 | 00:30:33,840 | 00:30:35,840 | Whoa, the sleeves! | Whoa, the sleeves! |
623 | 00:30:35,920 | 00:30:37,480 | He's getting the forearms out. | He's getting the forearms out. |
624 | 00:30:37,560 | 00:30:39,240 | We'll make an Aussie of you yet. | We'll make an Aussie of you yet. |
625 | 00:30:39,320 | 00:30:41,080 | I want to see your six-pack, Mikey. | I want to see your six-pack, Mikey. |
626 | 00:30:41,160 | 00:30:43,560 | -Fuckin' hell, mate. -That's as far as I go. | -Fuckin' hell, mate. -That's as far as I go. |
627 | 00:30:47,600 | 00:30:50,160 | Clearly threatened by Daddy's outrageous peacocking, | Clearly threatened by Daddy's outrageous peacocking, |
628 | 00:30:50,240 | 00:30:53,240 | our new friends were keen to show us a bit of Australian culture | our new friends were keen to show us a bit of Australian culture |
629 | 00:30:53,320 | 00:30:56,440 | in the form of some traditional Australia Day activities. | in the form of some traditional Australia Day activities. |
630 | 00:30:57,000 | 00:30:58,760 | First up, thong throwing. | First up, thong throwing. |
631 | 00:31:00,720 | 00:31:02,080 | No, me neither. | No, me neither. |
632 | 00:31:03,200 | 00:31:04,440 | -Daddy. - What? | -Daddy. - What? |
633 | 00:31:05,080 | 00:31:05,960 | I was impeded. | I was impeded. |
634 | 00:31:06,840 | 00:31:09,040 | - Umpire! - He's got it, Jack. | - Umpire! - He's got it, Jack. |
635 | 00:31:09,120 | 00:31:11,800 | - I think we showed them who's boss. - What happened? | - I think we showed them who's boss. - What happened? |
636 | 00:31:11,880 | 00:31:14,640 | You impeded me, and you still couldn't win. | You impeded me, and you still couldn't win. |
637 | 00:31:14,720 | 00:31:15,840 | Go! | Go! |
638 | 00:31:15,920 | 00:31:18,160 | Round two, ute pulling. | Round two, ute pulling. |
639 | 00:31:18,240 | 00:31:19,520 | One, two, three. | One, two, three. |
640 | 00:31:19,600 | 00:31:20,920 | Pull. Come on, Barney. | Pull. Come on, Barney. |
641 | 00:31:21,600 | 00:31:22,440 | I'm trying. | I'm trying. |
642 | 00:31:22,800 | 00:31:24,000 | Go, Barney! | Go, Barney! |
643 | 00:31:24,760 | 00:31:26,640 | Brew-man, give me some of that. | Brew-man, give me some of that. |
644 | 00:31:29,040 | 00:31:30,600 | Oh, fuck! That's whiskey. | Oh, fuck! That's whiskey. |
645 | 00:31:32,040 | 00:31:34,640 | Round three, the great Australian tradition: | Round three, the great Australian tradition: |
646 | 00:31:34,720 | 00:31:35,600 | drinking! | drinking! |
647 | 00:31:36,240 | 00:31:37,560 | -Cheers! -To Australia Day! | -Cheers! -To Australia Day! |
648 | 00:31:37,640 | 00:31:39,240 | Jack and Mikey down under! | Jack and Mikey down under! |
649 | 00:31:41,280 | 00:31:44,120 | Several drinks later, it was time for the main event. | Several drinks later, it was time for the main event. |
650 | 00:31:44,560 | 00:31:48,280 | Okay, ladies and gentlemen, we're about to get on to the chook race here in a minute. | Okay, ladies and gentlemen, we're about to get on to the chook race here in a minute. |
651 | 00:31:48,360 | 00:31:49,480 | Could I enter an emu? | Could I enter an emu? |
652 | 00:31:49,560 | 00:31:51,640 | -What was that, sorry? -Jack wants to enter an emu. | -What was that, sorry? -Jack wants to enter an emu. |
653 | 00:31:51,720 | 00:31:54,960 | -He wants to enter an emu? -No, no, no, not like that. | -He wants to enter an emu? -No, no, no, not like that. |
654 | 00:31:55,960 | 00:31:58,760 | Enter an emu into the competition, I should clarify. | Enter an emu into the competition, I should clarify. |
655 | 00:31:58,840 | 00:32:01,360 | If you can get an emu in the next five minutes, we'll race him. | If you can get an emu in the next five minutes, we'll race him. |
656 | 00:32:02,040 | 00:32:04,200 | The first step in chook racing was to buy the bird | The first step in chook racing was to buy the bird |
657 | 00:32:04,280 | 00:32:06,560 | you thought would win the race in an auction. | you thought would win the race in an auction. |
658 | 00:32:06,640 | 00:32:09,320 | Then all the money goes into a prize pot for the eventual winner. | Then all the money goes into a prize pot for the eventual winner. |
659 | 00:32:09,400 | 00:32:11,640 | Although Daddy is more used to Royal Ascot, | Although Daddy is more used to Royal Ascot, |
660 | 00:32:11,720 | 00:32:15,600 | it was time to show our Aussie cousins who the stallion at the track really was. | it was time to show our Aussie cousins who the stallion at the track really was. |
661 | 00:32:15,680 | 00:32:17,520 | Go ask the farmer if they're free-range. | Go ask the farmer if they're free-range. |
662 | 00:32:17,600 | 00:32:19,440 | Of course they're free-range. | Of course they're free-range. |
663 | 00:32:19,520 | 00:32:23,160 | What, you think there's a big battery farming unit here, do you? | What, you think there's a big battery farming unit here, do you? |
664 | 00:32:23,240 | 00:32:25,760 | Fine. In which case, I'm happy to participate. | Fine. In which case, I'm happy to participate. |
665 | 00:32:26,320 | 00:32:29,680 | When did my son become such a fucking wet blanket? | When did my son become such a fucking wet blanket? |
666 | 00:32:30,720 | 00:32:32,160 | -He's all-- -Wet blanket? | -He's all-- -Wet blanket? |
667 | 00:32:32,240 | 00:32:35,080 | -You are. -I am an ethical citizen of the world, | -You are. -I am an ethical citizen of the world, |
668 | 00:32:35,680 | 00:32:38,040 | who cares about nature and animals. | who cares about nature and animals. |
669 | 00:32:38,120 | 00:32:40,720 | Yesterday it was all that rubbish about those animals | Yesterday it was all that rubbish about those animals |
670 | 00:32:40,800 | 00:32:43,080 | -that you didn't realize would be killed. -Emus! | -that you didn't realize would be killed. -Emus! |
671 | 00:32:43,160 | 00:32:45,160 | What do you think they were doing there? | What do you think they were doing there? |
672 | 00:32:45,240 | 00:32:46,800 | -Waiting to be killed. -No. | -Waiting to be killed. -No. |
673 | 00:32:46,880 | 00:32:49,520 | You think they were just there for fun and games? | You think they were just there for fun and games? |
674 | 00:32:49,600 | 00:32:52,160 | Yes, I thought it might be like an emu holiday camp. | Yes, I thought it might be like an emu holiday camp. |
675 | 00:32:52,240 | 00:32:55,160 | -Like Butlin's for emus. -Absolutely ridiculous. | -Like Butlin's for emus. -Absolutely ridiculous. |
676 | 00:32:55,680 | 00:32:58,080 | Right-o! The first chook out will be the black chook. | Right-o! The first chook out will be the black chook. |
677 | 00:32:58,160 | 00:33:00,040 | We have a little black chook. Look at him go. | We have a little black chook. Look at him go. |
678 | 00:33:00,120 | 00:33:02,320 | There goes the black chook. Who's got $20... | There goes the black chook. Who's got $20... |
679 | 00:33:02,400 | 00:33:05,240 | You're talking far too quickly. I can't understand a word he's saying. | You're talking far too quickly. I can't understand a word he's saying. |
680 | 00:33:05,320 | 00:33:08,600 | Holding at 70. Gone to Zack for $70 to Zack. | Holding at 70. Gone to Zack for $70 to Zack. |
681 | 00:33:08,680 | 00:33:10,640 | I'm not sure we wanted that one anyway. | I'm not sure we wanted that one anyway. |
682 | 00:33:10,720 | 00:33:12,240 | Ohh! | Ohh! |
683 | 00:33:12,320 | 00:33:14,560 | - What? - Everybody likes a big rooster. | - What? - Everybody likes a big rooster. |
684 | 00:33:14,640 | 00:33:16,920 | -Hundred and sixty bid. - Should we bid on this one? | -Hundred and sixty bid. - Should we bid on this one? |
685 | 00:33:17,000 | 00:33:18,520 | -No. -No, they're trying to run you up. | -No. -No, they're trying to run you up. |
686 | 00:33:18,600 | 00:33:20,000 | -Why not? It looks good. -No, don't. | -Why not? It looks good. -No, don't. |
687 | 00:33:20,080 | 00:33:22,800 | -What? -Don't bid at all at the moment. | -What? -Don't bid at all at the moment. |
688 | 00:33:22,880 | 00:33:25,480 | They're getting rid of all the dross to start with. | They're getting rid of all the dross to start with. |
689 | 00:33:25,560 | 00:33:27,080 | -Trust me. -Trust you? | -Trust me. -Trust you? |
690 | 00:33:27,160 | 00:33:29,160 | They bring the best ones out at the end. | They bring the best ones out at the end. |
691 | 00:33:29,240 | 00:33:31,840 | Since when did you become an expert on chicken auctions? | Since when did you become an expert on chicken auctions? |
692 | 00:33:31,920 | 00:33:34,120 | Going to John for 215. | Going to John for 215. |
693 | 00:33:34,200 | 00:33:36,080 | Tell you what, see this chook here? | Tell you what, see this chook here? |
694 | 00:33:36,160 | 00:33:38,760 | He's carrying no weight, and he's got an orange ribbon. | He's carrying no weight, and he's got an orange ribbon. |
695 | 00:33:38,840 | 00:33:42,040 | - We're having that one. -No, we'll wait. We'll wait. | - We're having that one. -No, we'll wait. We'll wait. |
696 | 00:33:42,120 | 00:33:43,960 | I think the heat had finally gotten to Daddy. | I think the heat had finally gotten to Daddy. |
697 | 00:33:44,040 | 00:33:45,880 | -Start at 110, 110, 110. - Look at it. | -Start at 110, 110, 110. - Look at it. |
698 | 00:33:45,960 | 00:33:48,240 | Oh, my God. This is so embarrassing. | Oh, my God. This is so embarrassing. |
699 | 00:33:48,320 | 00:33:50,440 | Forty, 250. | Forty, 250. |
700 | 00:33:50,520 | 00:33:52,200 | Oh, my God. This is a joke. | Oh, my God. This is a joke. |
701 | 00:33:52,280 | 00:33:53,720 | Stop it! | Stop it! |
702 | 00:33:53,800 | 00:33:56,280 | -He doesn't even want it. -Daddy, you're getting mugged off. | -He doesn't even want it. -Daddy, you're getting mugged off. |
703 | 00:33:56,360 | 00:33:58,160 | They're mugging off the poms. | They're mugging off the poms. |
704 | 00:33:58,240 | 00:33:59,360 | Two-hundred-ninety, bid. | Two-hundred-ninety, bid. |
705 | 00:33:59,920 | 00:34:01,840 | Three hundred, we got three. | Three hundred, we got three. |
706 | 00:34:01,920 | 00:34:03,760 | -Three hundred! -Three hundred! | -Three hundred! -Three hundred! |
707 | 00:34:03,840 | 00:34:05,040 | Three hundred dollars, quick! | Three hundred dollars, quick! |
708 | 00:34:05,120 | 00:34:07,560 | Gone to Jack and Michael for $300. | Gone to Jack and Michael for $300. |
709 | 00:34:09,040 | 00:34:11,520 | -Absolute bargain. -Well done. | -Absolute bargain. -Well done. |
710 | 00:34:11,600 | 00:34:13,480 | -Thank you very much. -Three hundred dollars? | -Thank you very much. -Three hundred dollars? |
711 | 00:34:13,560 | 00:34:14,880 | Would you like to take it? | Would you like to take it? |
712 | 00:34:14,960 | 00:34:17,120 | Give him a kiss for good luck. There it is. | Give him a kiss for good luck. There it is. |
713 | 00:34:19,240 | 00:34:21,520 | -I couldn't be for sure... -There's the money. | -I couldn't be for sure... -There's the money. |
714 | 00:34:21,600 | 00:34:23,720 | ...but I'm pretty certain it had one wing. | ...but I'm pretty certain it had one wing. |
715 | 00:34:23,800 | 00:34:24,680 | No. | No. |
716 | 00:34:24,760 | 00:34:26,760 | You pommies, what do you want to call your chook? | You pommies, what do you want to call your chook? |
717 | 00:34:26,840 | 00:34:28,880 | -Winston! - Winston. | -Winston! - Winston. |
718 | 00:34:28,960 | 00:34:30,400 | Winston, the winner! | Winston, the winner! |
719 | 00:34:30,480 | 00:34:34,280 | Yet another Winston to steal my parents' love and inheritance. | Yet another Winston to steal my parents' love and inheritance. |
720 | 00:34:34,360 | 00:34:37,000 | It looks like one of those chickens we saw in Chernobyl. | It looks like one of those chickens we saw in Chernobyl. |
721 | 00:34:37,440 | 00:34:38,640 | The rules are simple: | The rules are simple: |
722 | 00:34:38,720 | 00:34:41,480 | first across the blue outer perimeter line is the winner. | first across the blue outer perimeter line is the winner. |
723 | 00:34:41,560 | 00:34:44,880 | For the chicken, it is a test of physicality and mental strength. | For the chicken, it is a test of physicality and mental strength. |
724 | 00:34:44,960 | 00:34:46,240 | Everybody ready? | Everybody ready? |
725 | 00:34:46,720 | 00:34:47,760 | Yes. | Yes. |
726 | 00:34:47,840 | 00:34:48,920 | Away they go. | Away they go. |
727 | 00:34:49,400 | 00:34:51,240 | - Go on, Winston. -Come on, Winston. | - Go on, Winston. -Come on, Winston. |
728 | 00:34:52,040 | 00:34:53,840 | -Come on. -Come on, Winston. | -Come on. -Come on, Winston. |
729 | 00:34:53,920 | 00:34:55,400 | Don't wave at chooks. | Don't wave at chooks. |
730 | 00:34:58,040 | 00:35:00,080 | -Go! -Come on, Winston. | -Go! -Come on, Winston. |
731 | 00:35:00,640 | 00:35:02,520 | Get out of that one's ass. Just go! | Get out of that one's ass. Just go! |
732 | 00:35:02,600 | 00:35:05,160 | -Come on, Winston. -No, Winston. You're going the wrong way! | -Come on, Winston. -No, Winston. You're going the wrong way! |
733 | 00:35:05,800 | 00:35:06,840 | Winston! | Winston! |
734 | 00:35:07,520 | 00:35:08,640 | Go on, Winston! | Go on, Winston! |
735 | 00:35:11,480 | 00:35:13,240 | - Winston. - Yes! | - Winston. - Yes! |
736 | 00:35:13,320 | 00:35:15,200 | Daddy only had eyes for Winston, | Daddy only had eyes for Winston, |
737 | 00:35:15,280 | 00:35:18,040 | who would be going quicker if he was on a rotisserie. | who would be going quicker if he was on a rotisserie. |
738 | 00:35:18,120 | 00:35:20,480 | -Go on, Winston. -No, it's lost. | -Go on, Winston. -No, it's lost. |
739 | 00:35:20,560 | 00:35:21,960 | The white one came out here. | The white one came out here. |
740 | 00:35:22,040 | 00:35:22,920 | Oh. | Oh. |
741 | 00:35:23,960 | 00:35:25,480 | I didn't notice that. | I didn't notice that. |
742 | 00:35:25,560 | 00:35:28,200 | -Yeah. -Oh, no. Winston. | -Yeah. -Oh, no. Winston. |
743 | 00:35:30,000 | 00:35:31,200 | After an incredible day, | After an incredible day, |
744 | 00:35:31,280 | 00:35:33,720 | and with Winston making a mad dash for freedom, | and with Winston making a mad dash for freedom, |
745 | 00:35:34,720 | 00:35:36,840 | it was time for us to do the same. | it was time for us to do the same. |
746 | 00:35:45,440 | 00:35:48,120 | The next morning, it was time to take on the final chapter | The next morning, it was time to take on the final chapter |
747 | 00:35:48,200 | 00:35:50,000 | of our Australian adventure, | of our Australian adventure, |
748 | 00:35:50,080 | 00:35:52,920 | as we headed from the coast deep into the unknown, | as we headed from the coast deep into the unknown, |
749 | 00:35:53,000 | 00:35:54,360 | the great Aussie outback. | the great Aussie outback. |
750 | 00:35:55,400 | 00:35:59,080 | We were headed for Uluru, 2,000 miles west in Australia's red center, | We were headed for Uluru, 2,000 miles west in Australia's red center, |
751 | 00:35:59,160 | 00:36:01,200 | to find some of the real Australia. | to find some of the real Australia. |
752 | 00:36:01,720 | 00:36:03,240 | It's an arduous journey | It's an arduous journey |
753 | 00:36:03,320 | 00:36:05,760 | through a land full of things that could kill you. | through a land full of things that could kill you. |
754 | 00:36:06,240 | 00:36:09,840 | But what this long and tortuous journey would be good for is catching up. | But what this long and tortuous journey would be good for is catching up. |
755 | 00:36:11,440 | 00:36:13,200 | What is that you're playing with? | What is that you're playing with? |
756 | 00:36:13,280 | 00:36:17,880 | This is one of the crown jewels of Australian culture: the goon sack. | This is one of the crown jewels of Australian culture: the goon sack. |
757 | 00:36:18,400 | 00:36:19,840 | Boxed wine in a sack. | Boxed wine in a sack. |
758 | 00:36:19,920 | 00:36:23,920 | I've taken it out of the wine box so that I can drink it more readily. | I've taken it out of the wine box so that I can drink it more readily. |
759 | 00:36:26,840 | 00:36:29,440 | Ohh, that was good. Little bit warm. | Ohh, that was good. Little bit warm. |
760 | 00:36:29,520 | 00:36:34,240 | I've taught you about all the best red wines and white wines in the world. | I've taught you about all the best red wines and white wines in the world. |
761 | 00:36:34,320 | 00:36:39,560 | And here you are, necking back a lot of rubbish in a bag. | And here you are, necking back a lot of rubbish in a bag. |
762 | 00:36:39,640 | 00:36:42,840 | This is a traditional Australian goon sack, | This is a traditional Australian goon sack, |
763 | 00:36:42,920 | 00:36:46,040 | and I am sampling traditional Australian culture. | and I am sampling traditional Australian culture. |
764 | 00:36:46,120 | 00:36:48,880 | Therefore I will not be drinking out of a bottle whilst I'm here. | Therefore I will not be drinking out of a bottle whilst I'm here. |
765 | 00:36:48,960 | 00:36:50,600 | I will be sucking it out of a sack. | I will be sucking it out of a sack. |
766 | 00:36:51,200 | 00:36:52,480 | My bosom of wine. | My bosom of wine. |
767 | 00:36:56,160 | 00:36:58,160 | Look, Daddy. Hands free! | Look, Daddy. Hands free! |
768 | 00:36:58,960 | 00:37:02,480 | Do you have any idea of how much of a complete dick you look? | Do you have any idea of how much of a complete dick you look? |
769 | 00:37:02,560 | 00:37:04,960 | You should be encouraging your son's ingenuity. | You should be encouraging your son's ingenuity. |
770 | 00:37:05,560 | 00:37:08,160 | Look what I've done. I've managed to attach a goon sack to this | Look what I've done. I've managed to attach a goon sack to this |
771 | 00:37:08,240 | 00:37:10,240 | -so that I have a goon sack drip. -Well done. Great. | -so that I have a goon sack drip. -Well done. Great. |
772 | 00:37:10,320 | 00:37:13,040 | So that I can drink wine hands-free on this journey. | So that I can drink wine hands-free on this journey. |
773 | 00:37:16,880 | 00:37:17,960 | It broke. | It broke. |
774 | 00:37:25,840 | 00:37:29,040 | And a few hours later, we were still bloody driving. | And a few hours later, we were still bloody driving. |
775 | 00:37:30,040 | 00:37:32,960 | I was thinking, this trip, we should finally get tattoos. | I was thinking, this trip, we should finally get tattoos. |
776 | 00:37:33,440 | 00:37:34,840 | No way. | No way. |
777 | 00:37:35,240 | 00:37:39,040 | Also, I'm having a strict no-tattoos policy at the wedding. | Also, I'm having a strict no-tattoos policy at the wedding. |
778 | 00:37:39,120 | 00:37:41,440 | In which case, Molly won't be at her own wedding. | In which case, Molly won't be at her own wedding. |
779 | 00:37:41,520 | 00:37:44,680 | What, you're suggesting that Molly has a tattoo? | What, you're suggesting that Molly has a tattoo? |
780 | 00:37:44,760 | 00:37:47,840 | -You must be joking. -You must have seen the back of her neck. | -You must be joking. -You must have seen the back of her neck. |
781 | 00:37:47,920 | 00:37:52,680 | I don't recall precisely when I last saw the back of Molly's neck, | I don't recall precisely when I last saw the back of Molly's neck, |
782 | 00:37:52,760 | 00:37:55,080 | but obviously I've seen the back of it many times. | but obviously I've seen the back of it many times. |
783 | 00:37:55,160 | 00:37:58,920 | Have you seen it since she went on holiday with her friend Sess to New York? | Have you seen it since she went on holiday with her friend Sess to New York? |
784 | 00:37:59,480 | 00:38:01,240 | I don't know, possibly. | I don't know, possibly. |
785 | 00:38:03,320 | 00:38:05,800 | Possibly not, I don't know. Why? | Possibly not, I don't know. Why? |
786 | 00:38:05,880 | 00:38:07,280 | Your daughter has a tattoo. | Your daughter has a tattoo. |
787 | 00:38:07,360 | 00:38:08,720 | -She does not. -She does! | -She does not. -She does! |
788 | 00:38:08,800 | 00:38:11,200 | She's got a small triangle on the back of her neck that she got | She's got a small triangle on the back of her neck that she got |
789 | 00:38:11,280 | 00:38:13,400 | when she went to New York, like, five years ago. | when she went to New York, like, five years ago. |
790 | 00:38:13,480 | 00:38:15,040 | -I don't believe it. -She does. | -I don't believe it. -She does. |
791 | 00:38:15,120 | 00:38:17,000 | -I don't believe it. -Why would I make that up? | -I don't believe it. -Why would I make that up? |
792 | 00:38:17,080 | 00:38:19,600 | -'Cause you're just trying to wind me up. -I'm not. | -'Cause you're just trying to wind me up. -I'm not. |
793 | 00:38:20,080 | 00:38:23,360 | Molly, holier than thou, the favorite child, | Molly, holier than thou, the favorite child, |
794 | 00:38:23,920 | 00:38:26,040 | getting married, can do no wrong. | getting married, can do no wrong. |
795 | 00:38:26,120 | 00:38:29,600 | Tattoo. Neck tattoo like she's in a women's prison. | Tattoo. Neck tattoo like she's in a women's prison. |
796 | 00:38:31,480 | 00:38:32,640 | She doesn't. | She doesn't. |
797 | 00:38:32,720 | 00:38:33,600 | She does. | She does. |
798 | 00:38:40,720 | 00:38:43,280 | Right. I need to stretch my legs. | Right. I need to stretch my legs. |
799 | 00:38:43,960 | 00:38:46,840 | This would be a good time for you to have a wee, Jack. | This would be a good time for you to have a wee, Jack. |
800 | 00:38:46,920 | 00:38:48,480 | I'm not five, Daddy. | I'm not five, Daddy. |
801 | 00:39:00,240 | 00:39:02,400 | - It's like being on Mars. | - It's like being on Mars. |
802 | 00:39:03,280 | 00:39:04,760 | Absolutely drained. | Absolutely drained. |
803 | 00:39:05,720 | 00:39:07,720 | Don't you think it's like being on Mars? | Don't you think it's like being on Mars? |
804 | 00:39:08,200 | 00:39:09,680 | It is very strange. | It is very strange. |
805 | 00:39:10,360 | 00:39:12,280 | What do you think the story with that is? | What do you think the story with that is? |
806 | 00:39:12,360 | 00:39:14,560 | Do you think that was a father and son? | Do you think that was a father and son? |
807 | 00:39:14,640 | 00:39:16,440 | The father lost patience and then... | The father lost patience and then... |
808 | 00:39:17,000 | 00:39:18,840 | These damn flies too! | These damn flies too! |
809 | 00:39:18,920 | 00:39:21,400 | -Do you want some goon sack? -You're not getting that out again. | -Do you want some goon sack? -You're not getting that out again. |
810 | 00:39:21,480 | 00:39:22,920 | -What? -No. | -What? -No. |
811 | 00:39:23,000 | 00:39:25,480 | -You love wine. Just have some goon sack. -No, I do not. | -You love wine. Just have some goon sack. -No, I do not. |
812 | 00:39:25,560 | 00:39:27,520 | I love wine, and that is not wine. | I love wine, and that is not wine. |
813 | 00:39:27,600 | 00:39:29,600 | -Just have a bit of goon sack. -No. I don't want any. | -Just have a bit of goon sack. -No. I don't want any. |
814 | 00:39:29,680 | 00:39:31,880 | -Have it. Daddy, come on. -No! I do not want any. | -Have it. Daddy, come on. -No! I do not want any. |
815 | 00:39:31,960 | 00:39:33,200 | You'll cheer up if you have | You'll cheer up if you have |
816 | 00:39:33,280 | 00:39:35,920 | -just a bit of goon sack. -I would not cheer up | -just a bit of goon sack. -I would not cheer up |
817 | 00:39:36,000 | 00:39:39,840 | by drinking some disgusting Australian wine | by drinking some disgusting Australian wine |
818 | 00:39:39,920 | 00:39:42,640 | -from a bag. -Come and have a little bit of goon sack, | -from a bag. -Come and have a little bit of goon sack, |
819 | 00:39:42,720 | 00:39:46,240 | -then we'll continue with the ride. Daddy! -No! I'm not having it. | -then we'll continue with the ride. Daddy! -No! I'm not having it. |
820 | 00:39:46,320 | 00:39:47,600 | -No! -You love wine. | -No! -You love wine. |
821 | 00:39:47,680 | 00:39:49,320 | No. I have said no. | No. I have said no. |
822 | 00:39:49,400 | 00:39:53,360 | I do not love Australian wine out of a sack. | I do not love Australian wine out of a sack. |
823 | 00:39:53,440 | 00:39:55,560 | -Daddy, just try it! -No! No! | -Daddy, just try it! -No! No! |
824 | 00:39:55,640 | 00:40:00,120 | -We're in Australia! -I have said no, no, no! | -We're in Australia! -I have said no, no, no! |
825 | 00:40:07,480 | 00:40:08,480 | Ahh. | Ahh. |
826 | 00:40:09,520 | 00:40:10,440 | Oh, that's good. | Oh, that's good. |
827 | 00:40:11,680 | 00:40:12,680 | You're missing out. | You're missing out. |
828 | 00:40:17,200 | 00:40:18,480 | I need to pee. | I need to pee. |
829 | 00:40:18,560 | 00:40:21,680 | I knew you would. It's drinking all that shit. | I knew you would. It's drinking all that shit. |
830 | 00:40:28,400 | 00:40:30,520 | And after what felt like countless days | And after what felt like countless days |
831 | 00:40:30,600 | 00:40:32,480 | driving through an unchanging landscape, | driving through an unchanging landscape, |
832 | 00:40:33,920 | 00:40:36,440 | without any idea of what might lay ahead for us, | without any idea of what might lay ahead for us, |
833 | 00:40:36,520 | 00:40:38,520 | we had arrived at our destination... | we had arrived at our destination... |
834 | 00:40:41,520 | 00:40:44,520 | Uluru, also known as Ayers Rock. | Uluru, also known as Ayers Rock. |
835 | 00:40:44,600 | 00:40:48,400 | It is a sacred site to the local Anangu indigenous Australians, | It is a sacred site to the local Anangu indigenous Australians, |
836 | 00:40:48,480 | 00:40:51,160 | and is thought to be over 500 million years old. | and is thought to be over 500 million years old. |
837 | 00:40:51,600 | 00:40:53,320 | Tourists come from all over the world | Tourists come from all over the world |
838 | 00:40:53,400 | 00:40:56,800 | to make this pilgrimage to the UNESCO World Heritage site. | to make this pilgrimage to the UNESCO World Heritage site. |
839 | 00:40:56,880 | 00:40:57,760 | There it is. | There it is. |
840 | 00:40:59,040 | 00:40:59,880 | Wow. | Wow. |
841 | 00:41:01,320 | 00:41:04,720 | Wow! Come on, Daddy. It's incredible. | Wow! Come on, Daddy. It's incredible. |
842 | 00:41:05,320 | 00:41:09,680 | The way it just rises out of the landscape. | The way it just rises out of the landscape. |
843 | 00:41:10,600 | 00:41:14,120 | The sheer majesty of its scale. | The sheer majesty of its scale. |
844 | 00:41:20,320 | 00:41:22,480 | You know what I think it looks like? | You know what I think it looks like? |
845 | 00:41:23,840 | 00:41:24,720 | A Viennetta. | A Viennetta. |
846 | 00:41:27,240 | 00:41:30,440 | I can't believe we're going all this way to see some rock. | I can't believe we're going all this way to see some rock. |
847 | 00:41:30,520 | 00:41:31,840 | It's the rock. | It's the rock. |
848 | 00:41:31,920 | 00:41:34,440 | It's the most famous rock in the world. | It's the most famous rock in the world. |
849 | 00:41:34,520 | 00:41:36,440 | You can't come to Australia and not go to Uluru. | You can't come to Australia and not go to Uluru. |
850 | 00:41:36,520 | 00:41:39,640 | Is it more famous than your friend, the actor? | Is it more famous than your friend, the actor? |
851 | 00:41:39,720 | 00:41:40,840 | No, it's a different-- | No, it's a different-- |
852 | 00:41:40,920 | 00:41:43,040 | Right, so it's the second-most-famous rock. | Right, so it's the second-most-famous rock. |
853 | 00:41:43,120 | 00:41:44,360 | Okay. Second-most-famous rock | Okay. Second-most-famous rock |
854 | 00:41:44,440 | 00:41:45,920 | -after Dwayne Johnson. -Yes. | -after Dwayne Johnson. -Yes. |
855 | 00:41:51,840 | 00:41:55,200 | To rest our weary bodies, Daddy had booked us into a desert campsite | To rest our weary bodies, Daddy had booked us into a desert campsite |
856 | 00:41:55,280 | 00:41:57,880 | he had been recommended called Longitude 131. | he had been recommended called Longitude 131. |
857 | 00:41:59,000 | 00:42:00,160 | Very nice. | Very nice. |
858 | 00:42:00,240 | 00:42:02,360 | -Hi, there. -Hello. Little bit of air-con. | -Hi, there. -Hello. Little bit of air-con. |
859 | 00:42:02,440 | 00:42:05,360 | -Some refreshing towels for you. -I'm fine, thank you. | -Some refreshing towels for you. -I'm fine, thank you. |
860 | 00:42:05,440 | 00:42:07,760 | Here we have our lovely reception area. | Here we have our lovely reception area. |
861 | 00:42:07,840 | 00:42:10,120 | -Very nice. Some nice stuff in here. -Yeah. | -Very nice. Some nice stuff in here. -Yeah. |
862 | 00:42:10,200 | 00:42:12,320 | -There is some gorgeous stuff in there. -Yeah. | -There is some gorgeous stuff in there. -Yeah. |
863 | 00:42:12,400 | 00:42:14,680 | Then following on, we do have our restaurant | Then following on, we do have our restaurant |
864 | 00:42:14,760 | 00:42:16,720 | and also our open bar area. | and also our open bar area. |
865 | 00:42:17,960 | 00:42:20,080 | Daddy, do you want a cold towel for your face? | Daddy, do you want a cold towel for your face? |
866 | 00:42:20,160 | 00:42:22,280 | -This is nice. -Daddy, cold towel for your face? | -This is nice. -Daddy, cold towel for your face? |
867 | 00:42:22,360 | 00:42:23,280 | Very refreshing. | Very refreshing. |
868 | 00:42:23,360 | 00:42:24,760 | -No. I don't want that. -Daddy! | -No. I don't want that. -Daddy! |
869 | 00:42:24,840 | 00:42:26,200 | No. Go away. | No. Go away. |
870 | 00:42:27,960 | 00:42:30,880 | It's so nice. I thought we were meant to be camping. | It's so nice. I thought we were meant to be camping. |
871 | 00:42:31,280 | 00:42:33,120 | I said glamping. | I said glamping. |
872 | 00:42:33,200 | 00:42:35,400 | You know, glamorous camping. | You know, glamorous camping. |
873 | 00:42:35,480 | 00:42:38,200 | Yeah, I know what glamping is. I'm not a glidiot. | Yeah, I know what glamping is. I'm not a glidiot. |
874 | 00:42:39,440 | 00:42:40,680 | What do you think? | What do you think? |
875 | 00:42:40,760 | 00:42:44,000 | I think this is the bougiest campsite I have ever been on. | I think this is the bougiest campsite I have ever been on. |
876 | 00:42:45,560 | 00:42:46,680 | Thank you. | Thank you. |
877 | 00:42:48,120 | 00:42:50,360 | Why, there you are. Tent. | Why, there you are. Tent. |
878 | 00:42:51,320 | 00:42:54,640 | - I told you. Trust me. Trust me. -Yeah... | - I told you. Trust me. Trust me. -Yeah... |
879 | 00:42:54,720 | 00:42:57,160 | Wow, this is a pretty good view. | Wow, this is a pretty good view. |
880 | 00:42:57,240 | 00:42:59,440 | - Yeah. - So, one bed? | - Yeah. - So, one bed? |
881 | 00:42:59,520 | 00:43:02,680 | Yeah, cause we've got an Australian swag to roll out outside | Yeah, cause we've got an Australian swag to roll out outside |
882 | 00:43:02,760 | 00:43:05,760 | -so you can sleep under the stars. -Nice! Sleep under the stars? | -so you can sleep under the stars. -Nice! Sleep under the stars? |
883 | 00:43:05,840 | 00:43:07,640 | What is a swag? | What is a swag? |
884 | 00:43:07,720 | 00:43:10,720 | Basically like an Australian sleeping bag for outdoor use. | Basically like an Australian sleeping bag for outdoor use. |
885 | 00:43:11,480 | 00:43:13,600 | If you're comfortable, I'll let you settle in. | If you're comfortable, I'll let you settle in. |
886 | 00:43:13,680 | 00:43:15,680 | -I'll leave the key here. You're welcome. -Thank you. | -I'll leave the key here. You're welcome. -Thank you. |
887 | 00:43:15,760 | 00:43:17,200 | Thank you very much. Bye. | Thank you very much. Bye. |
888 | 00:43:19,360 | 00:43:20,200 | Nice girl. | Nice girl. |
889 | 00:43:20,680 | 00:43:23,960 | - So what do you think? -I mean, it's pretty spectacular. | - So what do you think? -I mean, it's pretty spectacular. |
890 | 00:43:24,320 | 00:43:26,120 | I thought this was gonna be us... | I thought this was gonna be us... |
891 | 00:43:26,200 | 00:43:30,040 | coming here to Uluru and experiencing indigenous culture. | coming here to Uluru and experiencing indigenous culture. |
892 | 00:43:30,840 | 00:43:32,720 | Feels a little first world. | Feels a little first world. |
893 | 00:43:32,800 | 00:43:34,200 | Okay. Well, we're here now. | Okay. Well, we're here now. |
894 | 00:43:34,280 | 00:43:36,640 | -I'm not moving out of here at the moment. -Okay, we'll stay. | -I'm not moving out of here at the moment. -Okay, we'll stay. |
895 | 00:43:36,720 | 00:43:39,320 | I paid a lot of money to get this room for you. | I paid a lot of money to get this room for you. |
896 | 00:43:39,960 | 00:43:42,440 | - This tent. -What do you think of this amazing view | - This tent. -What do you think of this amazing view |
897 | 00:43:42,520 | 00:43:44,840 | -of Ayers Rock? - Not called Ayers Rock. | -of Ayers Rock? - Not called Ayers Rock. |
898 | 00:43:45,320 | 00:43:46,440 | -What? - Uluru. | -What? - Uluru. |
899 | 00:43:47,160 | 00:43:48,480 | -Is it called Uluru? - Yeah. | -Is it called Uluru? - Yeah. |
900 | 00:43:48,560 | 00:43:51,640 | Ayers Rock was the name a white guy gave it when he discovered it. | Ayers Rock was the name a white guy gave it when he discovered it. |
901 | 00:43:52,040 | 00:43:54,040 | - Right. -Even though it had been discovered | - Right. -Even though it had been discovered |
902 | 00:43:54,120 | 00:43:56,480 | for thousands of years by the indigenous people. | for thousands of years by the indigenous people. |
903 | 00:44:02,760 | 00:44:05,840 | I wanted Daddy to understand why Uluru is such a sacred place, | I wanted Daddy to understand why Uluru is such a sacred place, |
904 | 00:44:05,920 | 00:44:09,280 | so I'd found the perfect person, a local ranger called Leroy. | so I'd found the perfect person, a local ranger called Leroy. |
905 | 00:44:09,960 | 00:44:11,640 | -Hello. -How are you, sir? | -Hello. -How are you, sir? |
906 | 00:44:11,720 | 00:44:12,840 | How are you? Jack. | How are you? Jack. |
907 | 00:44:12,920 | 00:44:16,600 | -Leroy. How do you do? Nice to meet you. -How are you, gentlemen? | -Leroy. How do you do? Nice to meet you. -How are you, gentlemen? |
908 | 00:44:16,680 | 00:44:19,600 | Although Leroy was used to the volume of flies out here, | Although Leroy was used to the volume of flies out here, |
909 | 00:44:19,680 | 00:44:22,240 | we'd picked up some of the latest desert headwear. | we'd picked up some of the latest desert headwear. |
910 | 00:44:24,120 | 00:44:27,280 | Maybe you could tell us a little bit about the significance of this place. | Maybe you could tell us a little bit about the significance of this place. |
911 | 00:44:27,360 | 00:44:28,720 | It's a meeting place. | It's a meeting place. |
912 | 00:44:29,440 | 00:44:31,200 | That's what makes it a sacred site. | That's what makes it a sacred site. |
913 | 00:44:31,560 | 00:44:32,400 | Yeah. | Yeah. |
914 | 00:44:32,480 | 00:44:36,080 | -Many ancestral beings met here. -Yeah. Yeah. | -Many ancestral beings met here. -Yeah. Yeah. |
915 | 00:44:38,280 | 00:44:40,200 | Very, very spiritually powerful. | Very, very spiritually powerful. |
916 | 00:44:40,280 | 00:44:43,880 | People say Tibetans got a link to this joint in their culture. | People say Tibetans got a link to this joint in their culture. |
917 | 00:44:43,960 | 00:44:45,280 | - Really? - Yeah. | - Really? - Yeah. |
918 | 00:44:45,360 | 00:44:48,240 | They know of this place. Dalai Lama's come here a couple of times. | They know of this place. Dalai Lama's come here a couple of times. |
919 | 00:44:48,320 | 00:44:49,560 | - Has he? - Yeah. | - Has he? - Yeah. |
920 | 00:44:49,640 | 00:44:52,080 | -So it's a very special place. -Yeah. | -So it's a very special place. -Yeah. |
921 | 00:44:52,160 | 00:44:53,960 | -Meeting place. -Yeah. | -Meeting place. -Yeah. |
922 | 00:44:54,040 | 00:44:57,360 | So, I guess the British equivalent of this place would be the pub. | So, I guess the British equivalent of this place would be the pub. |
923 | 00:44:57,440 | 00:44:59,760 | -That's our meeting place. -Yeah. | -That's our meeting place. -Yeah. |
924 | 00:44:59,840 | 00:45:02,760 | I was thinking a lot more on the lines of Stonehenge. | I was thinking a lot more on the lines of Stonehenge. |
925 | 00:45:02,840 | 00:45:04,760 | Oh, yeah. Stonehenge, that's better. | Oh, yeah. Stonehenge, that's better. |
926 | 00:45:04,840 | 00:45:07,360 | -Spiritual, cultural. -Yeah, that's more spiritual. | -Spiritual, cultural. -Yeah, that's more spiritual. |
927 | 00:45:07,440 | 00:45:09,640 | There's nothing spiritual about the pub. | There's nothing spiritual about the pub. |
928 | 00:45:11,520 | 00:45:14,760 | I notice you have a very impressive display. | I notice you have a very impressive display. |
929 | 00:45:14,840 | 00:45:17,560 | Yeah, some tools here. Some men's weaponry here. | Yeah, some tools here. Some men's weaponry here. |
930 | 00:45:17,640 | 00:45:18,720 | This one, I recognize. | This one, I recognize. |
931 | 00:45:18,800 | 00:45:20,280 | -Yeah. -This one we know about. | -Yeah. -This one we know about. |
932 | 00:45:20,360 | 00:45:21,880 | -That's a hunting boomerang. -Is it? | -That's a hunting boomerang. -Is it? |
933 | 00:45:21,960 | 00:45:24,920 | What's the difference-- Is there a non-hunting, like a... | What's the difference-- Is there a non-hunting, like a... |
934 | 00:45:25,000 | 00:45:26,440 | There's a returning boomerang. | There's a returning boomerang. |
935 | 00:45:26,520 | 00:45:28,960 | A returning boomerang? That's the only boomerang I know about. | A returning boomerang? That's the only boomerang I know about. |
936 | 00:45:29,040 | 00:45:33,000 | -You throw it and it comes back. -It's recreational. It's a kid's toy. | -You throw it and it comes back. -It's recreational. It's a kid's toy. |
937 | 00:45:33,080 | 00:45:35,440 | -A kid's toy? Yeah. -The returning one. | -A kid's toy? Yeah. -The returning one. |
938 | 00:45:35,520 | 00:45:38,080 | And what is this over there I can see? | And what is this over there I can see? |
939 | 00:45:38,160 | 00:45:41,560 | That's all you need to survive in the middle of the Australian desert. | That's all you need to survive in the middle of the Australian desert. |
940 | 00:45:41,640 | 00:45:43,040 | -That? -That. | -That? -That. |
941 | 00:45:43,120 | 00:45:44,760 | Have you got an iPhone in there? | Have you got an iPhone in there? |
942 | 00:45:45,440 | 00:45:46,360 | -No. | -No. |
943 | 00:45:46,440 | 00:45:48,360 | That's a water carrier for carrying pots. | That's a water carrier for carrying pots. |
944 | 00:45:48,440 | 00:45:50,160 | Could we try balancing that? | Could we try balancing that? |
945 | 00:45:50,240 | 00:45:52,160 | I think when you say "we," Jack, | I think when you say "we," Jack, |
946 | 00:45:52,240 | 00:45:54,800 | that's probably more your department than mine. | that's probably more your department than mine. |
947 | 00:45:55,160 | 00:45:56,560 | Yeah. | Yeah. |
948 | 00:45:57,600 | 00:45:59,640 | See how he'll be carrying the water? | See how he'll be carrying the water? |
949 | 00:45:59,880 | 00:46:01,200 | Hat on there. | Hat on there. |
950 | 00:46:01,280 | 00:46:03,200 | - Be getting a sore neck. -Yeah. | - Be getting a sore neck. -Yeah. |
951 | 00:46:04,480 | 00:46:07,280 | -That's a water carrier... -It's very you, I'd say that. | -That's a water carrier... -It's very you, I'd say that. |
952 | 00:46:07,360 | 00:46:08,800 | What's it called, that? | What's it called, that? |
953 | 00:46:08,880 | 00:46:11,000 | Piti, P-I-T-I. Piti. | Piti, P-I-T-I. Piti. |
954 | 00:46:11,080 | 00:46:12,520 | Piti means hole. | Piti means hole. |
955 | 00:46:12,600 | 00:46:13,480 | Portable hole. | Portable hole. |
956 | 00:46:13,560 | 00:46:16,120 | - Portable asshole, even. | - Portable asshole, even. |
957 | 00:46:16,200 | 00:46:17,680 | -No, that's-- -Leroy! | -No, that's-- -Leroy! |
958 | 00:46:17,760 | 00:46:20,640 | -Sorry. No, no. Um... -Please don't encourage him. | -Sorry. No, no. Um... -Please don't encourage him. |
959 | 00:46:21,080 | 00:46:22,400 | -Oh! -Sorry. | -Oh! -Sorry. |
960 | 00:46:24,360 | 00:46:27,280 | So, I'm right in saying that the elders in your community are... | So, I'm right in saying that the elders in your community are... |
961 | 00:46:27,360 | 00:46:29,520 | very well looked after and really respected? | very well looked after and really respected? |
962 | 00:46:29,600 | 00:46:30,680 | Yeah. | Yeah. |
963 | 00:46:30,760 | 00:46:32,760 | Would I be able to leave him with you? | Would I be able to leave him with you? |
964 | 00:46:34,560 | 00:46:35,960 | Could I leave you my elder? | Could I leave you my elder? |
965 | 00:46:36,520 | 00:46:38,400 | 'Cause he's always saying he doesn't get respect. | 'Cause he's always saying he doesn't get respect. |
966 | 00:46:38,480 | 00:46:42,360 | Can you believe this boy is trying to get rid of his old father? | Can you believe this boy is trying to get rid of his old father? |
967 | 00:46:42,440 | 00:46:43,680 | -No. -Yeah, you are. | -No. -Yeah, you are. |
968 | 00:46:43,760 | 00:46:47,120 | First couple of weeks might be hard, but you'd adjust. | First couple of weeks might be hard, but you'd adjust. |
969 | 00:46:47,680 | 00:46:50,880 | Well, Leroy. It's been very nice hanging out with you. | Well, Leroy. It's been very nice hanging out with you. |
970 | 00:46:50,960 | 00:46:52,360 | -Thank you. -Thank you, sir. | -Thank you. -Thank you, sir. |
971 | 00:46:52,440 | 00:46:54,200 | Thank you, sir. Very good to meet you. | Thank you, sir. Very good to meet you. |
972 | 00:46:58,880 | 00:47:01,720 | After a long day, it was time for some local bush tucker. | After a long day, it was time for some local bush tucker. |
973 | 00:47:02,320 | 00:47:05,560 | Sounds of Silence is a beautiful, alfresco dining experience | Sounds of Silence is a beautiful, alfresco dining experience |
974 | 00:47:05,640 | 00:47:07,600 | where, as well as dining in front of Uluru, | where, as well as dining in front of Uluru, |
975 | 00:47:07,680 | 00:47:11,800 | as the sun sets a unique art installation called the Field of Light comes alive. | as the sun sets a unique art installation called the Field of Light comes alive. |
976 | 00:47:12,440 | 00:47:16,360 | Not many dining experiences on the planet are this ethereal or serene. | Not many dining experiences on the planet are this ethereal or serene. |
977 | 00:47:17,320 | 00:47:19,320 | -This is beautiful. | -This is beautiful. |
978 | 00:47:19,800 | 00:47:22,400 | - These flies! It's unbelievable! | - These flies! It's unbelievable! |
979 | 00:47:22,480 | 00:47:23,640 | -Just be zen. -What? | -Just be zen. -What? |
980 | 00:47:23,720 | 00:47:25,400 | -Just be zen. -What does "zen" mean? | -Just be zen. -What does "zen" mean? |
981 | 00:47:25,480 | 00:47:26,760 | Zen, just chilled, okay? | Zen, just chilled, okay? |
982 | 00:47:26,840 | 00:47:29,240 | I'm perfectly chilled. I just don't like flies. | I'm perfectly chilled. I just don't like flies. |
983 | 00:47:29,640 | 00:47:32,240 | Who knows Australia is so full of flies? | Who knows Australia is so full of flies? |
984 | 00:47:32,960 | 00:47:35,640 | They all come here, obviously, from around the world. | They all come here, obviously, from around the world. |
985 | 00:47:35,720 | 00:47:37,640 | -All ended up in Australia. -Yeah. | -All ended up in Australia. -Yeah. |
986 | 00:47:38,160 | 00:47:40,960 | -Unbelievable. -Maybe they've mistaken you for a corpse. | -Unbelievable. -Maybe they've mistaken you for a corpse. |
987 | 00:47:50,640 | 00:47:52,400 | God, we're not gonna have that all night. | God, we're not gonna have that all night. |
988 | 00:47:52,480 | 00:47:54,440 | Shh! Daddy. Please. | Shh! Daddy. Please. |
989 | 00:47:54,520 | 00:47:57,920 | It's traditional Australian music. Just... enjoy it. | It's traditional Australian music. Just... enjoy it. |
990 | 00:48:07,560 | 00:48:08,840 | Sorry to interrupt. | Sorry to interrupt. |
991 | 00:48:09,720 | 00:48:12,320 | Just wondering if we know what we'd like to order. | Just wondering if we know what we'd like to order. |
992 | 00:48:12,400 | 00:48:14,480 | I could give you a bit of a rundown on the menu. | I could give you a bit of a rundown on the menu. |
993 | 00:48:14,560 | 00:48:16,560 | -Yeah. -We've got some kangaroo risoni, | -Yeah. -We've got some kangaroo risoni, |
994 | 00:48:16,920 | 00:48:20,040 | some lamb cutlets with some vegetables, a cauliflower steak. | some lamb cutlets with some vegetables, a cauliflower steak. |
995 | 00:48:20,440 | 00:48:22,600 | We've also got some Wagyu beef and some tuna fish. | We've also got some Wagyu beef and some tuna fish. |
996 | 00:48:22,680 | 00:48:25,160 | You don't by any chance have any Welsh lamb, do you? | You don't by any chance have any Welsh lamb, do you? |
997 | 00:48:25,240 | 00:48:26,920 | -It's from New South Wales. -Close enough. | -It's from New South Wales. -Close enough. |
998 | 00:48:27,000 | 00:48:29,840 | -Okay, well, I'll have that then. -Okay, and for you? | -Okay, well, I'll have that then. -Okay, and for you? |
999 | 00:48:30,400 | 00:48:32,760 | -The cauliflower steak, is that vegan? -Yes. | -The cauliflower steak, is that vegan? -Yes. |
1000 | 00:48:32,840 | 00:48:34,760 | -Okay, I'm gonna have the cauliflower. -Beautiful. | -Okay, I'm gonna have the cauliflower. -Beautiful. |
1001 | 00:48:34,840 | 00:48:36,120 | -Thank you. -Thank you very much. | -Thank you. -Thank you very much. |
1002 | 00:48:36,200 | 00:48:37,440 | What do you mean, "vegan"? | What do you mean, "vegan"? |
1003 | 00:48:37,520 | 00:48:39,520 | From now on, it's gonna be vegan for me. | From now on, it's gonna be vegan for me. |
1004 | 00:48:40,800 | 00:48:42,840 | Beans, pulses... | Beans, pulses... |
1005 | 00:48:43,560 | 00:48:45,720 | quinoa, chickpeas. | quinoa, chickpeas. |
1006 | 00:48:46,080 | 00:48:49,040 | Oh, God. That's what you're gonna eat all the time? | Oh, God. That's what you're gonna eat all the time? |
1007 | 00:48:49,120 | 00:48:52,240 | You'll be on the shitter all the time. You will! | You'll be on the shitter all the time. You will! |
1008 | 00:48:52,320 | 00:48:54,280 | Well, that is the cross that I'll have to bear. | Well, that is the cross that I'll have to bear. |
1009 | 00:48:54,360 | 00:48:57,400 | Well, I certainly won't be sitting next to you on the plane. | Well, I certainly won't be sitting next to you on the plane. |
1010 | 00:48:57,480 | 00:48:58,800 | Or behind you. | Or behind you. |
1011 | 00:49:02,240 | 00:49:03,680 | Your rabbit food's here. | Your rabbit food's here. |
1012 | 00:49:04,760 | 00:49:06,560 | And my proper food. | And my proper food. |
1013 | 00:49:06,640 | 00:49:08,000 | Thank you. | Thank you. |
1014 | 00:49:08,080 | 00:49:10,200 | This is proper food. This is a steak. | This is proper food. This is a steak. |
1015 | 00:49:10,760 | 00:49:13,560 | -It's not a steak. It's cauliflower. -It is. It's a cauliflower steak. | -It's not a steak. It's cauliflower. -It is. It's a cauliflower steak. |
1016 | 00:49:13,640 | 00:49:14,880 | Looks delicious. | Looks delicious. |
1017 | 00:49:14,960 | 00:49:16,520 | This is a proper dinner here. | This is a proper dinner here. |
1018 | 00:49:17,000 | 00:49:17,920 | Nice chops. | Nice chops. |
1019 | 00:49:18,000 | 00:49:22,000 | How can you use the word "steak" attached to cauliflower? | How can you use the word "steak" attached to cauliflower? |
1020 | 00:49:22,080 | 00:49:24,480 | -You can. -It's rather contrary though. | -You can. -It's rather contrary though. |
1021 | 00:49:24,560 | 00:49:28,480 | -No, it's a medium-rare cauliflower steak. -Don't be ridiculous. | -No, it's a medium-rare cauliflower steak. -Don't be ridiculous. |
1022 | 00:49:28,560 | 00:49:30,680 | "Medium-rare cauliflower"? | "Medium-rare cauliflower"? |
1023 | 00:49:30,760 | 00:49:34,000 | Yes, look. That's just the way I like it, little bit of white in the middle. | Yes, look. That's just the way I like it, little bit of white in the middle. |
1024 | 00:49:35,720 | 00:49:37,880 | I should probably get a glass of red wine with this. | I should probably get a glass of red wine with this. |
1025 | 00:49:38,640 | 00:49:39,960 | Goes very well with steak. | Goes very well with steak. |
1026 | 00:49:42,120 | 00:49:43,320 | Aren't those beautiful? | Aren't those beautiful? |
1027 | 00:49:43,400 | 00:49:44,600 | - What? -Those lights. | - What? -Those lights. |
1028 | 00:49:44,680 | 00:49:47,480 | What, the car ones coming along here? | What, the car ones coming along here? |
1029 | 00:49:47,560 | 00:49:49,480 | No, not the hazard lights. | No, not the hazard lights. |
1030 | 00:49:49,560 | 00:49:51,320 | The Field of Light behind it. | The Field of Light behind it. |
1031 | 00:49:54,240 | 00:49:57,560 | Artist Bruce Munro was inspired to create the Field of Light | Artist Bruce Munro was inspired to create the Field of Light |
1032 | 00:49:57,640 | 00:49:59,520 | when camping nearby in his youth. | when camping nearby in his youth. |
1033 | 00:49:59,600 | 00:50:03,840 | The installation consists of over 50,000 solar-powered flower-like lamps | The installation consists of over 50,000 solar-powered flower-like lamps |
1034 | 00:50:03,920 | 00:50:05,920 | that illuminate the desert at night. | that illuminate the desert at night. |
1035 | 00:50:08,240 | 00:50:09,600 | Ah, thank you. | Ah, thank you. |
1036 | 00:50:10,160 | 00:50:13,480 | It's very light, this wine, this Australian wine. Have you noticed? | It's very light, this wine, this Australian wine. Have you noticed? |
1037 | 00:50:13,720 | 00:50:15,240 | -Fuck off! | -Fuck off! |
1038 | 00:50:15,320 | 00:50:17,160 | Daddy! Sorry. | Daddy! Sorry. |
1039 | 00:50:17,240 | 00:50:20,120 | -It's a fly. -These flies. You tell me the flies... | -It's a fly. -These flies. You tell me the flies... |
1040 | 00:50:21,720 | 00:50:23,040 | Thank you so much. | Thank you so much. |
1041 | 00:50:23,120 | 00:50:25,040 | Don't shout "fuck off" when someone's-- | Don't shout "fuck off" when someone's-- |
1042 | 00:50:25,120 | 00:50:27,680 | -I wasn't saying "fuck off" to her. -She doesn't know it was a fly. | -I wasn't saying "fuck off" to her. -She doesn't know it was a fly. |
1043 | 00:50:27,760 | 00:50:29,840 | She couldn't see. She thought you told her to fuck off. | She couldn't see. She thought you told her to fuck off. |
1044 | 00:50:29,920 | 00:50:31,440 | As if I would. | As if I would. |
1045 | 00:50:33,000 | 00:50:34,600 | There gonna be champagne at the wedding? | There gonna be champagne at the wedding? |
1046 | 00:50:34,680 | 00:50:35,800 | -Of course. | -Of course. |
1047 | 00:50:35,880 | 00:50:37,560 | -Oh, my God! -What? | -Oh, my God! -What? |
1048 | 00:50:37,640 | 00:50:39,560 | -What the fuck is that? -What is that? | -What the fuck is that? -What is that? |
1049 | 00:50:39,840 | 00:50:40,800 | I'll flick it. | I'll flick it. |
1050 | 00:50:40,880 | 00:50:43,360 | -No, Daddy. Be careful with-- -Fuck off. | -No, Daddy. Be careful with-- -Fuck off. |
1051 | 00:50:43,760 | 00:50:45,400 | All right. Just got rid of that. | All right. Just got rid of that. |
1052 | 00:50:45,480 | 00:50:46,760 | Now, where were we? | Now, where were we? |
1053 | 00:50:46,840 | 00:50:49,800 | -That is a living creature. -It is not. It's some bug. | -That is a living creature. -It is not. It's some bug. |
1054 | 00:50:49,880 | 00:50:50,880 | Well, it's not now. | Well, it's not now. |
1055 | 00:50:50,960 | 00:50:54,320 | No. It's a dead bug, and previously it was a bug. | No. It's a dead bug, and previously it was a bug. |
1056 | 00:50:55,120 | 00:50:58,880 | By the way, I've had another thought about what I might say for my speech. | By the way, I've had another thought about what I might say for my speech. |
1057 | 00:50:58,960 | 00:50:59,960 | Oh, God. | Oh, God. |
1058 | 00:51:00,040 | 00:51:02,200 | What is it this time? Just get it over with. | What is it this time? Just get it over with. |
1059 | 00:51:02,280 | 00:51:04,000 | -What do you mean? -Say the terrible joke. | -What do you mean? -Say the terrible joke. |
1060 | 00:51:04,080 | 00:51:07,240 | No, there are no jokes. I'm just talking about Molly. | No, there are no jokes. I'm just talking about Molly. |
1061 | 00:51:07,800 | 00:51:10,480 | You don't realize how important Molly is to me. | You don't realize how important Molly is to me. |
1062 | 00:51:11,120 | 00:51:14,000 | Molly is the best thing that has ever happened to me. | Molly is the best thing that has ever happened to me. |
1063 | 00:51:14,800 | 00:51:16,120 | After your mother. | After your mother. |
1064 | 00:51:16,200 | 00:51:18,440 | She is incredible. | She is incredible. |
1065 | 00:51:18,880 | 00:51:20,720 | I absolutely adore her. | I absolutely adore her. |
1066 | 00:51:20,800 | 00:51:24,440 | She's clever. She's beautiful. She's intelligent. | She's clever. She's beautiful. She's intelligent. |
1067 | 00:51:24,520 | 00:51:27,040 | Everything about her is perfect for me, | Everything about her is perfect for me, |
1068 | 00:51:27,120 | 00:51:30,920 | and she's finally found somebody who is as good as she is... | and she's finally found somebody who is as good as she is... |
1069 | 00:51:31,720 | 00:51:35,680 | Toby. And it gives me great comfort that she's found him. | Toby. And it gives me great comfort that she's found him. |
1070 | 00:51:38,200 | 00:51:40,800 | Yeah. I think you should definitely say that. | Yeah. I think you should definitely say that. |
1071 | 00:51:42,120 | 00:51:43,200 | Okay. | Okay. |
1072 | 00:51:43,880 | 00:51:48,040 | Once I reel them in with that, then I can hit them with the "poy" joke. | Once I reel them in with that, then I can hit them with the "poy" joke. |
1073 | 00:51:48,120 | 00:51:49,480 | -No. -You think? | -No. -You think? |
1074 | 00:51:49,560 | 00:51:50,920 | Just drop the "poy" joke. | Just drop the "poy" joke. |
1075 | 00:51:51,000 | 00:51:52,200 | Oh, right. Okay. | Oh, right. Okay. |
1076 | 00:51:52,280 | 00:51:53,200 | No "poy" joke. | No "poy" joke. |
1077 | 00:51:54,360 | 00:51:55,240 | Okay. | Okay. |
1078 | 00:52:04,600 | 00:52:06,400 | It was our last day in the outback, | It was our last day in the outback, |
1079 | 00:52:06,480 | 00:52:09,400 | and we were visiting the largest working camel farm in the country | and we were visiting the largest working camel farm in the country |
1080 | 00:52:09,480 | 00:52:11,560 | for a unique tour experience. | for a unique tour experience. |
1081 | 00:52:13,200 | 00:52:16,320 | I feel like I should warn you that you look utterly ridiculous. | I feel like I should warn you that you look utterly ridiculous. |
1082 | 00:52:16,400 | 00:52:17,880 | What do you mean, ridiculous? | What do you mean, ridiculous? |
1083 | 00:52:18,560 | 00:52:20,480 | I look like Lawrence of Arabia. | I look like Lawrence of Arabia. |
1084 | 00:52:20,880 | 00:52:22,440 | You look like Mother Teresa. | You look like Mother Teresa. |
1085 | 00:52:22,520 | 00:52:23,480 | No, I do not. | No, I do not. |
1086 | 00:52:26,200 | 00:52:29,600 | Camels might not be the first thing you think of with Australia, | Camels might not be the first thing you think of with Australia, |
1087 | 00:52:29,680 | 00:52:33,040 | but it's home to the largest population of feral camels in the world, | but it's home to the largest population of feral camels in the world, |
1088 | 00:52:33,120 | 00:52:35,200 | with over one million roaming free. | with over one million roaming free. |
1089 | 00:52:35,280 | 00:52:37,720 | -G'day, how are you? Greg. -G'day, nice to meet you. | -G'day, how are you? Greg. -G'day, nice to meet you. |
1090 | 00:52:37,800 | 00:52:39,560 | -This is Father Teresa. -How do you do? | -This is Father Teresa. -How do you do? |
1091 | 00:52:39,640 | 00:52:41,040 | You've come to the right place. | You've come to the right place. |
1092 | 00:52:41,120 | 00:52:43,560 | -Very cool look you've got. Nice shirt. -Yeah. | -Very cool look you've got. Nice shirt. -Yeah. |
1093 | 00:52:43,640 | 00:52:45,000 | Welcome to the camel farm. | Welcome to the camel farm. |
1094 | 00:52:45,080 | 00:52:47,800 | So, camels in Australia, that's not something I expected to see. | So, camels in Australia, that's not something I expected to see. |
1095 | 00:52:47,880 | 00:52:50,920 | Yeah, camels were introduced in 1840. | Yeah, camels were introduced in 1840. |
1096 | 00:52:51,000 | 00:52:52,520 | They're not originally from here, | They're not originally from here, |
1097 | 00:52:52,600 | 00:52:55,320 | but they've played a huge role in our country's development. | but they've played a huge role in our country's development. |
1098 | 00:52:55,400 | 00:52:58,480 | -We introduced Polish people to England. -No, that's-- | -We introduced Polish people to England. -No, that's-- |
1099 | 00:52:58,560 | 00:53:01,200 | -Isn't that a similar thing? -No, it's not. | -Isn't that a similar thing? -No, it's not. |
1100 | 00:53:01,280 | 00:53:03,280 | -No, Daddy, that's not the same. -Sorry. | -No, Daddy, that's not the same. -Sorry. |
1101 | 00:53:03,360 | 00:53:06,480 | -Yeah, okay. | -Yeah, okay. |
1102 | 00:53:09,520 | 00:53:11,040 | Good girl. | Good girl. |
1103 | 00:53:11,120 | 00:53:12,560 | -Left foot. -Left foot. | -Left foot. -Left foot. |
1104 | 00:53:12,880 | 00:53:14,800 | -Left hand reaching all the way forward. -Okay. | -Left hand reaching all the way forward. -Okay. |
1105 | 00:53:14,880 | 00:53:17,560 | Stand up nice and tall, kick your leg straight through. | Stand up nice and tall, kick your leg straight through. |
1106 | 00:53:17,640 | 00:53:18,640 | Ahh! | Ahh! |
1107 | 00:53:18,720 | 00:53:20,240 | - Yeah. -That was easy. | - Yeah. -That was easy. |
1108 | 00:53:20,320 | 00:53:23,080 | No trouble in getting your leg over, as usual. | No trouble in getting your leg over, as usual. |
1109 | 00:53:24,280 | 00:53:26,080 | Right, can you just get on the camel, please? | Right, can you just get on the camel, please? |
1110 | 00:53:26,160 | 00:53:27,600 | -Left hand. -And then like this? | -Left hand. -And then like this? |
1111 | 00:53:27,680 | 00:53:28,760 | -No. -No. | -No. -No. |
1112 | 00:53:28,840 | 00:53:31,600 | What, you think you'll get onto it and you're facing this way? | What, you think you'll get onto it and you're facing this way? |
1113 | 00:53:31,680 | 00:53:33,760 | -Yeah. -You have to be facing forward as well. | -Yeah. -You have to be facing forward as well. |
1114 | 00:53:33,840 | 00:53:36,000 | -We don't sit opposite each other. -Right. Okay. | -We don't sit opposite each other. -Right. Okay. |
1115 | 00:53:36,080 | 00:53:38,800 | -What, you were going backwards? -Yes, that's what I thought. | -What, you were going backwards? -Yes, that's what I thought. |
1116 | 00:53:38,880 | 00:53:41,720 | I don't mind sitting backwards on a train. | I don't mind sitting backwards on a train. |
1117 | 00:53:41,800 | 00:53:43,880 | Stand up nice and tall. Lean on me. | Stand up nice and tall. Lean on me. |
1118 | 00:53:43,960 | 00:53:46,560 | -Yep. -There we are. | -Yep. -There we are. |
1119 | 00:53:47,760 | 00:53:48,840 | How 'bout that? | How 'bout that? |
1120 | 00:53:49,720 | 00:53:50,600 | God. | God. |
1121 | 00:53:51,200 | 00:53:53,440 | Oh, I feel exhausted. | Oh, I feel exhausted. |
1122 | 00:53:53,520 | 00:53:56,360 | All right, Rocky. Let's take these gentlemen for a ride. | All right, Rocky. Let's take these gentlemen for a ride. |
1123 | 00:53:56,440 | 00:53:59,880 | In three, two, one. | In three, two, one. |
1124 | 00:54:00,280 | 00:54:01,600 | -Let's go. | -Let's go. |
1125 | 00:54:01,680 | 00:54:03,680 | -Jesus. | -Jesus. |
1126 | 00:54:03,760 | 00:54:05,520 | Hold on, Daddy. | Hold on, Daddy. |
1127 | 00:54:07,200 | 00:54:08,560 | How's the air up there? | How's the air up there? |
1128 | 00:54:08,640 | 00:54:10,200 | - Oh, my God. -Yes, it's nice. | - Oh, my God. -Yes, it's nice. |
1129 | 00:54:10,280 | 00:54:11,480 | What's our camel called? | What's our camel called? |
1130 | 00:54:11,560 | 00:54:12,560 | The Rock. | The Rock. |
1131 | 00:54:12,640 | 00:54:14,480 | - The Rock? - The Rock! | - The Rock? - The Rock! |
1132 | 00:54:15,280 | 00:54:16,960 | Oh, my God. He's going for a wee. | Oh, my God. He's going for a wee. |
1133 | 00:54:17,040 | 00:54:19,040 | Who's going for a wee? Greg? | Who's going for a wee? Greg? |
1134 | 00:54:19,880 | 00:54:21,360 | The camel is going for a wee. | The camel is going for a wee. |
1135 | 00:54:21,560 | 00:54:24,360 | -I see. I thought you meant Greg. -Why would Greg be going for a wee? | -I see. I thought you meant Greg. -Why would Greg be going for a wee? |
1136 | 00:54:24,440 | 00:54:27,680 | -I thought he might be going for a wee. -Can you not hear that? | -I thought he might be going for a wee. -Can you not hear that? |
1137 | 00:54:27,760 | 00:54:31,600 | The smell at the back is definitely not as good as the smell at the front. | The smell at the back is definitely not as good as the smell at the front. |
1138 | 00:54:31,680 | 00:54:33,640 | Do you think he's building up to a poo? | Do you think he's building up to a poo? |
1139 | 00:54:34,120 | 00:54:36,640 | -I can smell what The Rock is cooking. -Yeah. | -I can smell what The Rock is cooking. -Yeah. |
1140 | 00:54:36,720 | 00:54:37,560 | Put it that way. | Put it that way. |
1141 | 00:54:37,640 | 00:54:40,080 | All right, folks. Everybody follow me. | All right, folks. Everybody follow me. |
1142 | 00:54:40,160 | 00:54:42,080 | Do you have to make hand signals, | Do you have to make hand signals, |
1143 | 00:54:42,160 | 00:54:43,840 | or can you just go straight? | or can you just go straight? |
1144 | 00:54:43,920 | 00:54:46,600 | - What do you mean? -You don't do that if you're going right? | - What do you mean? -You don't do that if you're going right? |
1145 | 00:54:46,680 | 00:54:47,800 | - What, indicate? -Yeah. | - What, indicate? -Yeah. |
1146 | 00:54:47,880 | 00:54:50,200 | Not like there's a lot of camel traffic around here. | Not like there's a lot of camel traffic around here. |
1147 | 00:54:52,960 | 00:54:54,200 | Greg, where are we going? | Greg, where are we going? |
1148 | 00:54:54,280 | 00:54:56,800 | We're gonna go through-- For a wander through the desert. | We're gonna go through-- For a wander through the desert. |
1149 | 00:54:56,880 | 00:55:00,120 | We'll have views of Uluru in the background, but, um... | We'll have views of Uluru in the background, but, um... |
1150 | 00:55:00,200 | 00:55:01,640 | sit back and enjoy the ride. | sit back and enjoy the ride. |
1151 | 00:55:23,120 | 00:55:25,640 | And up on the right there, we've got Uluru. | And up on the right there, we've got Uluru. |
1152 | 00:55:26,480 | 00:55:27,440 | Amazing. | Amazing. |
1153 | 00:55:28,560 | 00:55:29,440 | There it is. | There it is. |
1154 | 00:55:36,000 | 00:55:37,800 | I'm getting quite a sore ass. | I'm getting quite a sore ass. |
1155 | 00:55:37,880 | 00:55:40,280 | I think I'm gonna have to get off this in a second. | I think I'm gonna have to get off this in a second. |
1156 | 00:55:40,360 | 00:55:41,480 | - Daddy? -Yeah. | - Daddy? -Yeah. |
1157 | 00:55:42,720 | 00:55:44,040 | Don't get the hump. | Don't get the hump. |
1158 | 00:55:46,200 | 00:55:48,720 | Jack, as a professional comedian, | Jack, as a professional comedian, |
1159 | 00:55:48,800 | 00:55:51,720 | you have now hit, I would say, an all-time low. | you have now hit, I would say, an all-time low. |
1160 | 00:55:51,800 | 00:55:52,720 | What? | What? |
1161 | 00:55:52,800 | 00:55:55,400 | The most pathetic, cheap joke. | The most pathetic, cheap joke. |
1162 | 00:55:58,640 | 00:56:01,560 | - I spy with my little eye... -Yeah. | - I spy with my little eye... -Yeah. |
1163 | 00:56:01,640 | 00:56:03,480 | ...something beginning with "U." | ...something beginning with "U." |
1164 | 00:56:04,000 | 00:56:05,720 | - Uluru. -Yeah, got it. | - Uluru. -Yeah, got it. |
1165 | 00:56:05,800 | 00:56:06,880 | All right. | All right. |
1166 | 00:56:06,960 | 00:56:09,280 | - Do you know how much Uluru weighs? - No. | - Do you know how much Uluru weighs? - No. |
1167 | 00:56:09,360 | 00:56:10,920 | - How much? - One stone. | - How much? - One stone. |
1168 | 00:56:11,000 | 00:56:13,240 | - Ahh. - Clever. | - Ahh. - Clever. |
1169 | 00:56:13,840 | 00:56:15,600 | How was that any better than mine? | How was that any better than mine? |
1170 | 00:56:15,680 | 00:56:17,160 | He has timing. | He has timing. |
1171 | 00:56:17,240 | 00:56:18,120 | Wow. | Wow. |
1172 | 00:56:19,840 | 00:56:22,360 | With so many bucket list experiences ticked off, | With so many bucket list experiences ticked off, |
1173 | 00:56:22,760 | 00:56:24,400 | we'd had the trip of a lifetime. | we'd had the trip of a lifetime. |
1174 | 00:56:25,080 | 00:56:28,600 | There was just one thing left for us to do together as father and son. | There was just one thing left for us to do together as father and son. |
1175 | 00:56:31,560 | 00:56:32,720 | What are you doing? | What are you doing? |
1176 | 00:56:32,800 | 00:56:33,760 | I'm going to bed. | I'm going to bed. |
1177 | 00:56:33,840 | 00:56:35,000 | I'm sleeping out there. | I'm sleeping out there. |
1178 | 00:56:35,680 | 00:56:38,120 | -You're sleeping out there? Good night. -No, we're both-- | -You're sleeping out there? Good night. -No, we're both-- |
1179 | 00:56:38,200 | 00:56:40,480 | The point of this experience is sleeping under the stars. | The point of this experience is sleeping under the stars. |
1180 | 00:56:40,560 | 00:56:42,720 | That's why people travel all this way to this place, | That's why people travel all this way to this place, |
1181 | 00:56:42,800 | 00:56:45,680 | is because you can lie outside and sleep under the stars. | is because you can lie outside and sleep under the stars. |
1182 | 00:56:45,760 | 00:56:47,400 | Why would you want to do that? | Why would you want to do that? |
1183 | 00:56:47,480 | 00:56:50,760 | Well, just try it. I think you'll enjoy the experience. | Well, just try it. I think you'll enjoy the experience. |
1184 | 00:56:50,840 | 00:56:52,720 | -Me and you-- -What, the experience | -Me and you-- -What, the experience |
1185 | 00:56:52,800 | 00:56:55,040 | of sleeping on a balcony in a hotel? | of sleeping on a balcony in a hotel? |
1186 | 00:56:55,120 | 00:56:57,960 | Maybe the next time I stay in a hotel in London, | Maybe the next time I stay in a hotel in London, |
1187 | 00:56:58,040 | 00:57:00,240 | I'll ask them if there'd be any possibility | I'll ask them if there'd be any possibility |
1188 | 00:57:00,320 | 00:57:01,800 | of sleeping on their balcony. | of sleeping on their balcony. |
1189 | 00:57:01,880 | 00:57:04,200 | -Get out. -They'd chuck me out of the hotel. | -Get out. -They'd chuck me out of the hotel. |
1190 | 00:57:04,280 | 00:57:06,560 | If you try to sleep there, I'll jump up and down on the bed | If you try to sleep there, I'll jump up and down on the bed |
1191 | 00:57:06,640 | 00:57:08,240 | like I used to when I was a child. | like I used to when I was a child. |
1192 | 00:57:08,520 | 00:57:11,160 | Oh, God. All right. Like a child. | Oh, God. All right. Like a child. |
1193 | 00:57:11,720 | 00:57:13,440 | Okay, just get this over with. | Okay, just get this over with. |
1194 | 00:57:13,520 | 00:57:14,680 | -Trust me. -Yeah. | -Trust me. -Yeah. |
1195 | 00:57:14,760 | 00:57:16,640 | It's a once-in-a-lifetime experience. | It's a once-in-a-lifetime experience. |
1196 | 00:57:16,720 | 00:57:17,920 | I hope to God it is. | I hope to God it is. |
1197 | 00:57:18,360 | 00:57:20,480 | -Don't be so grumpy. -I'm not being grumpy. | -Don't be so grumpy. -I'm not being grumpy. |
1198 | 00:57:20,560 | 00:57:22,320 | I'm... I'm humoring you. | I'm... I'm humoring you. |
1199 | 00:57:22,400 | 00:57:25,320 | I just don't particularly want to sleep on the balcony. | I just don't particularly want to sleep on the balcony. |
1200 | 00:57:25,400 | 00:57:26,920 | But if you want me to, I will. | But if you want me to, I will. |
1201 | 00:57:28,000 | 00:57:28,840 | YOLO. | YOLO. |
1202 | 00:57:30,600 | 00:57:33,080 | What does that mean? I don't know what you're talking about. | What does that mean? I don't know what you're talking about. |
1203 | 00:57:33,160 | 00:57:35,480 | "YOLO." It's an ancient Aborigine proverb. | "YOLO." It's an ancient Aborigine proverb. |
1204 | 00:57:35,560 | 00:57:37,560 | -Yes. -"You only live once." | -Yes. -"You only live once." |
1205 | 00:57:37,920 | 00:57:39,080 | Oh, God. | Oh, God. |
1206 | 00:57:39,880 | 00:57:42,280 | -Okay. -So which side do you want? | -Okay. -So which side do you want? |
1207 | 00:57:42,760 | 00:57:46,040 | Umm, normally, when I'm with your mother, I sleep on that side. | Umm, normally, when I'm with your mother, I sleep on that side. |
1208 | 00:57:46,120 | 00:57:49,400 | Don't make this any weirder than it will already be. | Don't make this any weirder than it will already be. |
1209 | 00:57:49,480 | 00:57:50,680 | It is very weird. | It is very weird. |
1210 | 00:57:50,760 | 00:57:52,040 | No, it's not. | No, it's not. |
1211 | 00:57:52,120 | 00:57:54,720 | -Two men, father and son... -Yes. | -Two men, father and son... -Yes. |
1212 | 00:57:54,800 | 00:57:56,280 | ...sharing a bed, | ...sharing a bed, |
1213 | 00:57:56,360 | 00:57:59,880 | -sleeping beneath the stars. -On the balcony of a hotel. That is weird. | -sleeping beneath the stars. -On the balcony of a hotel. That is weird. |
1214 | 00:58:00,400 | 00:58:04,480 | Very weird. I hope there aren't any people in the other rooms looking down here. | Very weird. I hope there aren't any people in the other rooms looking down here. |
1215 | 00:58:05,840 | 00:58:09,240 | I think they've already worked out your relationship with me. | I think they've already worked out your relationship with me. |
1216 | 00:58:09,320 | 00:58:12,360 | They think I'm some gay old man, and you're my boyfriend. | They think I'm some gay old man, and you're my boyfriend. |
1217 | 00:58:12,440 | 00:58:15,400 | Which I do not want to get round the hotel, to be honest. | Which I do not want to get round the hotel, to be honest. |
1218 | 00:58:16,040 | 00:58:18,520 | All right. Let's get on with this, then. | All right. Let's get on with this, then. |
1219 | 00:58:22,400 | 00:58:24,000 | What's all this zipping here? | What's all this zipping here? |
1220 | 00:58:24,360 | 00:58:25,680 | It's like a sleeping bag. | It's like a sleeping bag. |
1221 | 00:58:27,080 | 00:58:28,120 | It's really nice. | It's really nice. |
1222 | 00:58:29,640 | 00:58:31,920 | -Shift down. -Oh, God. | -Shift down. -Oh, God. |
1223 | 00:58:32,680 | 00:58:35,920 | -You're lying in a-- -It's so comfortable, this! | -You're lying in a-- -It's so comfortable, this! |
1224 | 00:58:36,400 | 00:58:38,080 | I don't feel very relaxed. | I don't feel very relaxed. |
1225 | 00:58:39,760 | 00:58:41,640 | Just get further into it. | Just get further into it. |
1226 | 00:58:42,200 | 00:58:44,200 | Just-- You need to shift down. | Just-- You need to shift down. |
1227 | 00:58:44,280 | 00:58:45,200 | Daddy. | Daddy. |
1228 | 00:58:46,560 | 00:58:47,680 | Right, there we are. | Right, there we are. |
1229 | 00:58:48,000 | 00:58:49,080 | Is that better? | Is that better? |
1230 | 00:58:50,600 | 00:58:51,720 | Oh, God. | Oh, God. |
1231 | 00:58:51,800 | 00:58:53,640 | I can't believe I've agreed to this. | I can't believe I've agreed to this. |
1232 | 00:58:54,200 | 00:58:56,720 | The things I've done for you over the years. | The things I've done for you over the years. |
1233 | 00:58:56,800 | 00:58:58,640 | I know, and I appreciate that. | I know, and I appreciate that. |
1234 | 00:58:59,920 | 00:59:01,480 | And look where you've ended up. | And look where you've ended up. |
1235 | 00:59:02,280 | 00:59:03,360 | In a swag bag... | In a swag bag... |
1236 | 00:59:04,040 | 00:59:05,520 | with your eldest child... | with your eldest child... |
1237 | 00:59:05,600 | 00:59:08,560 | sleeping beneath a canopy of stars. | sleeping beneath a canopy of stars. |
1238 | 00:59:10,320 | 00:59:12,560 | Do you think when we die we become stars? | Do you think when we die we become stars? |
1239 | 00:59:13,120 | 00:59:15,200 | "When we die, we become stars"? | "When we die, we become stars"? |
1240 | 00:59:15,280 | 00:59:16,640 | Yes. In the sky. | Yes. In the sky. |
1241 | 00:59:16,720 | 00:59:18,880 | -That's absolute rubbish. -It's not. | -That's absolute rubbish. -It's not. |
1242 | 00:59:19,440 | 00:59:23,520 | I think that all the old kings die and they become stars in the sky. | I think that all the old kings die and they become stars in the sky. |
1243 | 00:59:24,000 | 00:59:25,200 | And when you die... | And when you die... |
1244 | 00:59:26,040 | 00:59:28,320 | one day in the future, you'll talk to me. | one day in the future, you'll talk to me. |
1245 | 00:59:28,400 | 00:59:30,040 | Your face will appear in a big cloud | Your face will appear in a big cloud |
1246 | 00:59:30,120 | 00:59:32,480 | and you'll tell me that one day, I'll be king. | and you'll tell me that one day, I'll be king. |
1247 | 00:59:33,040 | 00:59:35,040 | You're going completely mad. | You're going completely mad. |
1248 | 00:59:37,920 | 00:59:39,320 | It's pretty hot, isn't it? | It's pretty hot, isn't it? |
1249 | 00:59:39,400 | 00:59:40,680 | It's very hot. | It's very hot. |
1250 | 00:59:41,920 | 00:59:43,640 | I'm gonna try and go to sleep now. | I'm gonna try and go to sleep now. |
1251 | 00:59:43,960 | 00:59:44,840 | Yeah. | Yeah. |
1252 | 00:59:45,920 | 00:59:48,320 | Not really very tired, I'll tell you what. | Not really very tired, I'll tell you what. |
1253 | 00:59:48,920 | 00:59:50,480 | Can you tell me the "poy" joke? | Can you tell me the "poy" joke? |
1254 | 00:59:51,480 | 00:59:53,000 | Do the unabridged version. | Do the unabridged version. |
1255 | 00:59:53,920 | 00:59:55,480 | You sure you want it? | You sure you want it? |
1256 | 00:59:55,680 | 00:59:57,640 | I think that's what's needed right now. | I think that's what's needed right now. |
1257 | 00:59:57,880 | 00:59:58,720 | Okay. | Okay. |
1258 | 01:00:02,840 | 01:00:05,800 | So, there was this man who was a very famous chef. | So, there was this man who was a very famous chef. |
1259 | 01:00:08,280 | 01:00:12,400 | And he was traveling the world trying to find the perfect dish. | And he was traveling the world trying to find the perfect dish. |
1260 | 01:00:12,480 | 01:00:15,280 | And he was talking to some people in that world. | And he was talking to some people in that world. |
1261 | 01:00:33,880 | 01:00:35,920 | Some of you may have already heard it, | Some of you may have already heard it, |
1262 | 01:00:36,000 | 01:00:39,960 | but I think those that haven't will enjoy me sharing it with you. | but I think those that haven't will enjoy me sharing it with you. |
1263 | 01:00:40,720 | 01:00:41,760 | I'm sorry. | I'm sorry. |
1264 | 01:00:41,840 | 01:00:45,760 | It's a little story about this amazing dish... | It's a little story about this amazing dish... |
1265 | 01:00:46,840 | 01:00:49,360 | This famous gourmet... | This famous gourmet... |
1265 | 01:00:46,840 | 01:00:49,360 | This famous gourmet... | This famous gourmet... |