# Start End Original Translated
1 00:00:23,120 00:00:25,680 Would you stop chewing so loudly? Would you stop chewing so loudly?
2 00:00:26,480 00:00:28,480 It's like being in a car with a cow. It's like being in a car with a cow.
3 00:00:28,560 00:00:30,560 It's just chewing... chewing gum. It's just chewing... chewing gum.
4 00:00:30,640 00:00:34,440 Chew it quietly if you have to chew at all. Chew it quietly if you have to chew at all.
5 00:00:48,720 00:00:49,800 What are you doing? What are you doing?
6 00:00:49,880 00:00:52,080 -I'm just having a few more pieces. -Ridiculous. -I'm just having a few more pieces. -Ridiculous.
7 00:00:52,160 00:00:54,800 If I get through them all now, it will be less annoying for you If I get through them all now, it will be less annoying for you
8 00:00:54,880 00:00:58,360 because I'll do my chewing in this-- Rather than it being the whole journey. because I'll do my chewing in this-- Rather than it being the whole journey.
9 00:00:58,440 00:00:59,560 Absolutely disgusting. Absolutely disgusting.
10 00:01:02,000 00:01:03,880 -Can you stop doing that? -Can you stop doing that?
11 00:01:03,960 00:01:05,480 This could be a world record. This could be a world record.
12 00:01:07,280 00:01:08,600 Just spit it out. Just spit it out.
13 00:01:09,520 00:01:10,400 I have to-- I have to--
14 00:01:12,760 00:01:15,600 -I just-- -It looks absolutely disgusting. -I just-- -It looks absolutely disgusting.
15 00:01:16,160 00:01:17,160 So where should I put it? So where should I put it?
16 00:01:17,240 00:01:18,720 -Don't put it near me. -Maybe under-- -Don't put it near me. -Maybe under--
17 00:01:18,800 00:01:20,360 -No! -I'll stick it under your seat. -No! -I'll stick it under your seat.
18 00:01:20,440 00:01:23,120 -No! -There, look. No one will find out. -No! -There, look. No one will find out.
19 00:01:24,160 00:01:26,400 -How does my breath smell? -How does my breath smell?
20 00:01:31,160 00:01:34,360 - I've got popping candy. - God, give me strength. - I've got popping candy. - God, give me strength.
21 00:01:44,440 00:01:47,400 After living it up in Sydney, Mommy was back in London, After living it up in Sydney, Mommy was back in London,
22 00:01:47,480 00:01:49,840 knee-deep in planning for sister Molly's wedding, knee-deep in planning for sister Molly's wedding,
23 00:01:49,920 00:01:51,720 which was only a couple of weeks away. which was only a couple of weeks away.
24 00:01:52,040 00:01:54,280 Meanwhile, Daddy and I were heading up the coast Meanwhile, Daddy and I were heading up the coast
25 00:01:54,360 00:01:56,120 on our great Australian road trip, on our great Australian road trip,
26 00:01:56,200 00:01:58,320 with plans to explore rural Queensland with plans to explore rural Queensland
27 00:01:58,800 00:02:01,480 and finally adventure into the outback to see Uluru. and finally adventure into the outback to see Uluru.
28 00:02:02,120 00:02:04,400 As Daddy wasn't so keen to hit the road again, As Daddy wasn't so keen to hit the road again,
29 00:02:04,480 00:02:08,160 I wanted this trip to prove to him that there was life in the old dog yet. I wanted this trip to prove to him that there was life in the old dog yet.
30 00:02:08,240 00:02:11,680 So I'd organized for us to meet a rough-and-ready motorcycle gang So I'd organized for us to meet a rough-and-ready motorcycle gang
31 00:02:11,760 00:02:13,280 for people of an older persuasion for people of an older persuasion
32 00:02:13,360 00:02:15,560 in a place called Mooball, New South Wales. in a place called Mooball, New South Wales.
33 00:02:19,160 00:02:20,920 Definitely gonna need this. Definitely gonna need this.
34 00:02:24,520 00:02:25,840 Right, where are we going? Right, where are we going?
35 00:02:25,920 00:02:27,600 We're waiting for them. They're coming here. We're waiting for them. They're coming here.
36 00:02:27,680 00:02:28,600 Oh, right. Okay. Oh, right. Okay.
37 00:02:29,400 00:02:30,800 Can I come under the umbrella? Can I come under the umbrella?
38 00:02:32,320 00:02:34,920 I don't know. It's not a two-man umbrella. I don't know. It's not a two-man umbrella.
39 00:02:36,600 00:02:38,680 Right, okay. I'll just stand here and burn. Right, okay. I'll just stand here and burn.
40 00:02:41,560 00:02:44,560 Motorcycle gangs have been a feature of the Australian underworld Motorcycle gangs have been a feature of the Australian underworld
41 00:02:44,640 00:02:46,200 since the 1960s. since the 1960s.
42 00:02:46,840 00:02:49,280 Their criminal activities became so notorious, Their criminal activities became so notorious,
43 00:02:49,360 00:02:51,960 a prison was created just for biker gang members. a prison was created just for biker gang members.
44 00:02:57,840 00:03:01,880 However, I don't think we've got too much to worry about from this lot. However, I don't think we've got too much to worry about from this lot.
45 00:03:07,640 00:03:09,800 - Who's the leader of the gang? -I'm Dave. - Who's the leader of the gang? -I'm Dave.
46 00:03:09,880 00:03:11,880 Dave's the leader of the gang. How do you do, sir? Dave's the leader of the gang. How do you do, sir?
47 00:03:11,960 00:03:14,000 I hope it wouldn't be too rude of me to observe I hope it wouldn't be too rude of me to observe
48 00:03:14,080 00:03:18,040 that your gang is maybe slightly more senior than other biker gangs that your gang is maybe slightly more senior than other biker gangs
49 00:03:18,120 00:03:20,120 that I may have seen on TV shows and movies. that I may have seen on TV shows and movies.
50 00:03:20,200 00:03:22,320 Who's the oldest member of your crew? Who's the oldest member of your crew?
51 00:03:22,400 00:03:24,680 Well, I think he's been indisposed just at the moment, Well, I think he's been indisposed just at the moment,
52 00:03:24,760 00:03:26,400 -but I'm sure he'll be back. -"Indisposed"? -but I'm sure he'll be back. -"Indisposed"?
53 00:03:26,480 00:03:28,240 Oh, God. Not on a permanent basis. Oh, God. Not on a permanent basis.
54 00:03:28,320 00:03:30,440 He's only wandered off, as old men do. He's only wandered off, as old men do.
55 00:03:30,520 00:03:33,480 I thought with the older gang, that's how it worked. One in, one out. I thought with the older gang, that's how it worked. One in, one out.
56 00:03:33,560 00:03:35,360 -Yeah. -That's why you're recruiting. -Yeah. -That's why you're recruiting.
57 00:03:36,240 00:03:38,080 -How do you do? -Here's our friend, Bill. -How do you do? -Here's our friend, Bill.
58 00:03:38,160 00:03:39,720 -Very nice to meet you. -I'm 93. -Very nice to meet you. -I'm 93.
59 00:03:39,800 00:03:42,280 -You look great. -How long have you been in a biker gang? -You look great. -How long have you been in a biker gang?
60 00:03:42,360 00:03:45,200 No gang. I haven't been in a gang. In the club 25 years. No gang. I haven't been in a gang. In the club 25 years.
61 00:03:45,280 00:03:47,920 Oh, yeah, sorry. We're not a gang. Oh, yeah, sorry. We're not a gang.
62 00:03:48,000 00:03:50,120 -They're not. -And you haven't killed anyone. -They're not. -And you haven't killed anyone.
63 00:03:50,280 00:03:51,600 -No, not yet. -Not yet. -No, not yet. -Not yet.
64 00:03:53,120 00:03:54,040 Thanks, fellas. Thanks, fellas.
65 00:03:54,120 00:03:55,680 Very nice to meet you. Very nice to meet you.
66 00:03:55,760 00:03:58,080 Are there rival gangs that you have, like, beef with? Are there rival gangs that you have, like, beef with?
67 00:03:58,160 00:04:01,840 No, we don't actually. We had a bit of a to-do with them many years ago. No, we don't actually. We had a bit of a to-do with them many years ago.
68 00:04:01,920 00:04:05,880 We agreed we wouldn't cross their line if they didn't come across ours. We agreed we wouldn't cross their line if they didn't come across ours.
69 00:04:06,440 00:04:08,800 That's what we should do today. Let's reopen the beef. That's what we should do today. Let's reopen the beef.
70 00:04:08,880 00:04:10,160 Get some old wounds going. Get some old wounds going.
71 00:04:10,240 00:04:12,720 No, we're ready for a street fight. I've come correct. No, we're ready for a street fight. I've come correct.
72 00:04:13,840 00:04:16,280 I want to get on a bike. Can I get on a bike? I want to get on a bike. Can I get on a bike?
73 00:04:16,840 00:04:21,280 I want to feel the machine between my legs, purring gently. I want to feel the machine between my legs, purring gently.
74 00:04:21,360 00:04:23,680 -He can't even drive a car, this one. -Shut up. -He can't even drive a car, this one. -Shut up.
75 00:04:23,760 00:04:25,160 -Why? -Don't tell them that. -Why? -Don't tell them that.
76 00:04:25,240 00:04:26,880 Do you want to go on Eric's bike? Do you want to go on Eric's bike?
77 00:04:26,960 00:04:28,560 What do you mean, "Do you want to go--" What do you mean, "Do you want to go--"
78 00:04:28,640 00:04:30,400 You're talking to me like I'm a 12-year-old. You're talking to me like I'm a 12-year-old.
79 00:04:31,280 00:04:33,560 Come on, Jack, go over to that white bike there. Come on, Jack, go over to that white bike there.
80 00:04:33,640 00:04:36,080 As I went off to check out some hogs, As I went off to check out some hogs,
81 00:04:36,160 00:04:39,080 Daddy peeled off for a chat with Billy-the-not-so-Kid. Daddy peeled off for a chat with Billy-the-not-so-Kid.
82 00:04:39,160 00:04:43,560 Hi, Billy. Got any tips for a man that's just about to get into his 80s? Hi, Billy. Got any tips for a man that's just about to get into his 80s?
83 00:04:43,640 00:04:46,040 I believe if you don't use it, you lose it. I believe if you don't use it, you lose it.
84 00:04:46,120 00:04:47,640 I couldn't agree more. I couldn't agree more.
85 00:04:47,720 00:04:51,000 And what about any tips if you've got a doofus son And what about any tips if you've got a doofus son
86 00:04:51,080 00:04:52,920 who doesn't have very much up there? who doesn't have very much up there?
87 00:04:53,520 00:04:54,560 He's still your son. He's still your son.
88 00:04:54,640 00:04:57,240 -Yeah, absolutely. -And he'll come good, I guarantee it. -Yeah, absolutely. -And he'll come good, I guarantee it.
89 00:04:57,320 00:04:58,800 Good. Okay. Good. Okay.
90 00:04:58,880 00:05:00,200 -All the best. -Thanks very much. -All the best. -Thanks very much.
91 00:05:00,760 00:05:03,120 Climb on board there and be very gentle, okay? Climb on board there and be very gentle, okay?
92 00:05:05,400 00:05:08,120 -Should I get it straight? -Just... just lift it up. -Should I get it straight? -Just... just lift it up.
93 00:05:09,920 00:05:11,200 Whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
94 00:05:11,600 00:05:13,280 Hey, listen. Are you okay with this? Hey, listen. Are you okay with this?
95 00:05:13,360 00:05:15,080 -Yeah, I got it. -Don't want you falling over -Yeah, I got it. -Don't want you falling over
96 00:05:15,160 00:05:17,880 'cause if the bike lands on top of you, you'll be sad ass. 'cause if the bike lands on top of you, you'll be sad ass.
97 00:05:17,960 00:05:19,480 It's the bike I'd be worried about. It's the bike I'd be worried about.
98 00:05:21,640 00:05:23,440 We can't take you without having a helmet on. We can't take you without having a helmet on.
99 00:05:23,520 00:05:24,440 Helmet's for pussies. Helmet's for pussies.
100 00:05:24,840 00:05:26,920 The least you can do is turn your cap around. The least you can do is turn your cap around.
101 00:05:27,000 00:05:28,120 No helmet required. No helmet required.
102 00:05:28,200 00:05:29,960 You won't need a helmet anyway You won't need a helmet anyway
103 00:05:30,040 00:05:32,200 'cause you've got no brain cells to protect. 'cause you've got no brain cells to protect.
104 00:05:35,240 00:05:37,440 Right. I'm ready. Let's go cause some havoc. Right. I'm ready. Let's go cause some havoc.
105 00:05:37,520 00:05:40,120 What are we hitting up first? Tattoo parlor? Gun shop? What are we hitting up first? Tattoo parlor? Gun shop?
106 00:05:40,200 00:05:41,320 The picnic area. The picnic area.
107 00:05:41,400 00:05:42,280 For fuck's sake. For fuck's sake.
108 00:05:42,360 00:05:43,680 - Ready to roll, then? -Yeah. - Ready to roll, then? -Yeah.
109 00:05:44,280 00:05:46,600 I think we've got the perfect bike for you, Jack. I think we've got the perfect bike for you, Jack.
110 00:05:46,680 00:05:47,640 Great. Great.
111 00:05:47,720 00:05:49,200 The perfect bike for me. The perfect bike for me.
112 00:05:49,280 00:05:52,840 I was thinking Harley-Davidson, twin engine Ducati. I was thinking Harley-Davidson, twin engine Ducati.
113 00:05:55,360 00:05:56,480 Really? Really?
114 00:06:05,960 00:06:08,240 Jack, um, you know you don't have to hug me. Jack, um, you know you don't have to hug me.
115 00:06:08,320 00:06:10,720 There are handlebars at the back that you can hang on to. There are handlebars at the back that you can hang on to.
116 00:06:11,120 00:06:12,040 Oh. Oh.
117 00:06:13,320 00:06:14,520 Sorry. Sorry.
118 00:06:14,600 00:06:17,240 Sorry, Stuart, he's always been very clingy. Sorry, Stuart, he's always been very clingy.
119 00:06:17,320 00:06:18,320 No worries. No worries.
120 00:06:21,960 00:06:24,360 If you see any rival bikers, Daddy, you know what to do. If you see any rival bikers, Daddy, you know what to do.
121 00:06:24,440 00:06:27,240 -What? Yeah. - Flip the bird. -What? Yeah. - Flip the bird.
122 00:06:27,920 00:06:29,960 And remember the rules of biker gang. And remember the rules of biker gang.
123 00:06:30,400 00:06:32,200 - Yeah. -Rule number one: - Yeah. -Rule number one:
124 00:06:32,920 00:06:35,440 you don't tell anyone else about biker gang. you don't tell anyone else about biker gang.
125 00:06:35,920 00:06:39,720 Rule number two: snitches live in ditches. Rule number two: snitches live in ditches.
126 00:06:39,800 00:06:40,960 Rule number three-- Rule number three--
127 00:06:41,040 00:06:44,400 This age of biker gang, I would say: This age of biker gang, I would say:
128 00:06:44,480 00:06:47,440 never get too far away from a public toilet. never get too far away from a public toilet.
129 00:06:51,360 00:06:53,320 I feel like we need to go find some trouble. I feel like we need to go find some trouble.
130 00:06:53,400 00:06:56,080 It doesn't look as though there's much trouble here. It doesn't look as though there's much trouble here.
131 00:06:56,160 00:06:58,280 -I mean-- -Well then, we need to make trouble. -I mean-- -Well then, we need to make trouble.
132 00:06:58,360 00:07:02,880 We're in the middle of the country. There are two cows out there having a moo. We're in the middle of the country. There are two cows out there having a moo.
133 00:07:14,840 00:07:15,960 Can you do a wheelie? Can you do a wheelie?
134 00:07:16,040 00:07:17,680 Not with this rig, I can't, no. Not with this rig, I can't, no.
135 00:07:17,760 00:07:20,640 Why don't we just detach him? And then we'll do a wheelie. Why don't we just detach him? And then we'll do a wheelie.
136 00:07:20,720 00:07:22,120 That would work, yes. That would work, yes.
137 00:07:22,560 00:07:25,640 Sorry, Daddy. Unfortunately we're going to have to detach you. Sorry, Daddy. Unfortunately we're going to have to detach you.
138 00:07:26,440 00:07:27,840 Bye-bye, Muttley. Bye-bye, Muttley.
139 00:07:27,920 00:07:29,880 -Just dislodge this. -No! -Just dislodge this. -No!
140 00:07:29,960 00:07:31,640 -Daddy-- -Fuck off! -Daddy-- -Fuck off!
141 00:07:36,000 00:07:39,840 How far is this fudge place? Have we got there yet? How far is this fudge place? Have we got there yet?
142 00:07:39,920 00:07:40,800 Beg your pardon? Beg your pardon?
143 00:07:40,880 00:07:43,360 There's a fudge place we're stopping off at. There's a fudge place we're stopping off at.
144 00:07:43,440 00:07:45,920 I watched every season of Sons of Anarchy. I watched every season of Sons of Anarchy.
145 00:07:46,400 00:07:48,600 Not one episode did they go to a fudge shop. Not one episode did they go to a fudge shop.
146 00:07:49,440 00:07:51,120 We're not going to a fudge shop. We're not going to a fudge shop.
147 00:07:51,200 00:07:53,200 I was promised some fudge. I was promised some fudge.
148 00:07:58,080 00:08:01,560 After what seemed like an eternity of not fucking shit up, After what seemed like an eternity of not fucking shit up,
149 00:08:01,640 00:08:05,880 Daddy, me and the granddads of anarchy had arrived at our final destination. Daddy, me and the granddads of anarchy had arrived at our final destination.
150 00:08:10,320 00:08:12,040 Any of you blokes like a biscuit? Any of you blokes like a biscuit?
151 00:08:12,360 00:08:14,480 Do you think we should head off soon, find some bars? Do you think we should head off soon, find some bars?
152 00:08:14,560 00:08:16,200 - What sort of bars? -Biker bars. - What sort of bars? -Biker bars.
153 00:08:16,280 00:08:18,840 -Beers, music. -It's a long way from biker bars, mate. -Beers, music. -It's a long way from biker bars, mate.
154 00:08:18,920 00:08:22,240 We need to find trouble. We're not gonna find trouble outside a fudge shop. We need to find trouble. We're not gonna find trouble outside a fudge shop.
155 00:08:22,320 00:08:25,200 I think you should just relax, have a cup of tea. I think you should just relax, have a cup of tea.
156 00:08:25,280 00:08:27,240 -Yeah, go on, Jack. Have a biscuit. -Nice biscuits. -Yeah, go on, Jack. Have a biscuit. -Nice biscuits.
157 00:08:27,320 00:08:29,680 I don't want biscuits. We're a biker gang. I don't want biscuits. We're a biker gang.
158 00:08:29,760 00:08:32,760 I thought we were gonna be doing crack cocaine, not digestives. I thought we were gonna be doing crack cocaine, not digestives.
159 00:08:34,080 00:08:36,560 -I mean, these are really nice. -Yeah, they do look quite nice. -I mean, these are really nice. -Yeah, they do look quite nice.
160 00:08:36,640 00:08:38,240 Go on. Arrowroot biscuit. Go on. Arrowroot biscuit.
161 00:08:39,080 00:08:40,120 There you are. There you are.
162 00:08:40,200 00:08:42,600 -That's more like it. - I knew you'd come around. -That's more like it. - I knew you'd come around.
163 00:08:42,680 00:08:43,640 Yeah. Yeah.
164 00:08:43,720 00:08:47,400 So do you want some tea with that? Wash it down with a nice cup of tea? So do you want some tea with that? Wash it down with a nice cup of tea?
165 00:08:47,480 00:08:49,960 -I've put milk and sugar in it for you. -Right. -I've put milk and sugar in it for you. -Right.
166 00:08:51,520 00:08:53,040 Right, ladies and gentlemen, Right, ladies and gentlemen,
167 00:08:53,120 00:08:54,920 here's a toast to you guys. here's a toast to you guys.
168 00:08:55,000 00:08:58,200 To growing old... disgracefully. To growing old... disgracefully.
169 00:08:58,280 00:08:59,760 -Cheers. -Cheers. -Cheers. -Cheers.
170 00:09:01,040 00:09:04,640 Come on, let's go get some blow, find some hookers and have an all-nighter. Come on, let's go get some blow, find some hookers and have an all-nighter.
171 00:09:04,720 00:09:05,920 -Yeah? -Yeah?
172 00:09:07,920 00:09:09,280 -No? -No. -No? -No.
173 00:09:14,960 00:09:17,280 Before we took on our pilgrimage to Uluru, Before we took on our pilgrimage to Uluru,
174 00:09:17,360 00:09:19,600 I wanted us to explore the local area. I wanted us to explore the local area.
175 00:09:19,680 00:09:22,000 So I'd found us the perfect place to base ourselves So I'd found us the perfect place to base ourselves
176 00:09:22,080 00:09:25,400 in Australia's famous Byron Bay, the only place on earth in Australia's famous Byron Bay, the only place on earth
177 00:09:25,480 00:09:28,760 with more white guys with dreadlocks per capita than Glastonbury Festival. with more white guys with dreadlocks per capita than Glastonbury Festival.
178 00:09:30,280 00:09:34,920 You know who stays in motels? Traveling salesmen and lice. You know who stays in motels? Traveling salesmen and lice.
179 00:09:35,000 00:09:37,920 Great thing about this place is, it's very handy for the ocean. Great thing about this place is, it's very handy for the ocean.
180 00:09:38,000 00:09:39,720 Just walk over the road and head straight in. Just walk over the road and head straight in.
181 00:09:39,800 00:09:43,120 Yeah. You think I'm gonna stay in that place there, do you? Yeah. You think I'm gonna stay in that place there, do you?
182 00:09:43,200 00:09:44,040 Yes. Yes.
183 00:09:44,600 00:09:47,240 If I walked into the ocean, I'd never come back If I walked into the ocean, I'd never come back
184 00:09:47,320 00:09:49,600 because I'd fill my pockets full of pebbles. because I'd fill my pockets full of pebbles.
185 00:09:49,680 00:09:51,080 -Right. -Okay? -Right. -Okay?
186 00:09:51,160 00:09:52,680 Just remember that. Just remember that.
187 00:09:52,760 00:09:55,880 Don't judge a book by its cover. It's probably really nice on the inside. Don't judge a book by its cover. It's probably really nice on the inside.
188 00:09:57,120 00:09:58,360 What can we do for you? What can we do for you?
189 00:09:58,440 00:10:01,640 A room, please, for two intrepid travelers. A room, please, for two intrepid travelers.
190 00:10:01,720 00:10:03,720 Good. I've got a couple of fabulous rooms. Good. I've got a couple of fabulous rooms.
191 00:10:03,800 00:10:06,120 -I've got a bay loft, which is upstairs. -A what? -I've got a bay loft, which is upstairs. -A what?
192 00:10:06,200 00:10:07,680 -Bay loft, it's called. -Nice. -Bay loft, it's called. -Nice.
193 00:10:07,760 00:10:09,000 You'll love it. It's fantastic. You'll love it. It's fantastic.
194 00:10:09,080 00:10:11,320 Does it have a window that you can open wide? Does it have a window that you can open wide?
195 00:10:11,400 00:10:13,520 -It does. You can open the balcony... -Just in case. -It does. You can open the balcony... -Just in case.
196 00:10:13,600 00:10:15,040 ...and you're looking over the ocean. ...and you're looking over the ocean.
197 00:10:15,120 00:10:16,760 - Thank you. - You're welcome. - Thank you. - You're welcome.
198 00:10:16,840 00:10:18,520 I don't think this could be right. I don't think this could be right.
199 00:10:18,600 00:10:19,880 It is. It's through there. It is. It's through there.
200 00:10:19,960 00:10:23,400 -Sort of place you take a prostitute to. -Daddy. -Sort of place you take a prostitute to. -Daddy.
201 00:10:23,480 00:10:25,960 Not that I've ever taken a prostitute anywhere. Not that I've ever taken a prostitute anywhere.
202 00:10:26,920 00:10:29,720 Oh, this is cute. It's got a '60s vibe. Oh, this is cute. It's got a '60s vibe.
203 00:10:29,800 00:10:30,640 Kinda kitsch. Kinda kitsch.
204 00:10:31,600 00:10:33,920 -Look at this ghastly-- -This is good. -Look at this ghastly-- -This is good.
205 00:10:34,000 00:10:36,160 -This is perfect for us. -Look how small that bath is. -This is perfect for us. -Look how small that bath is.
206 00:10:36,240 00:10:39,320 Daddy, you can go in there, and I can go in here. Daddy, you can go in there, and I can go in here.
207 00:10:40,160 00:10:41,440 And we can wash together. And we can wash together.
208 00:10:41,880 00:10:44,480 I'll be like, "Hey, Daddy, can you pass me the soap." I'll be like, "Hey, Daddy, can you pass me the soap."
209 00:10:45,920 00:10:47,840 -Right. -We can wash at the same time. -Right. -We can wash at the same time.
210 00:10:47,920 00:10:49,000 How sweet is that! How sweet is that!
211 00:10:49,080 00:10:50,600 What's behind these things? What's behind these things?
212 00:10:51,680 00:10:53,000 That's nice. That's nice.
213 00:10:53,560 00:10:55,640 That's one exit gone. That's one exit gone.
214 00:10:55,720 00:10:58,280 That's where I was planning to throw myself out of. That's where I was planning to throw myself out of.
215 00:10:58,360 00:11:01,040 I think this is so cute. Look. It's got everything we need. I think this is so cute. Look. It's got everything we need.
216 00:11:01,120 00:11:04,320 Kitchenette, chill-out area, the bath. Kitchenette, chill-out area, the bath.
217 00:11:04,880 00:11:05,880 Amazing TV. Amazing TV.
218 00:11:07,000 00:11:09,280 And you know how I love watching TV like this. And you know how I love watching TV like this.
219 00:11:09,680 00:11:14,400 There are two ovens, so I know what to put my head into when I'm ready to go. There are two ovens, so I know what to put my head into when I'm ready to go.
220 00:11:14,480 00:11:17,400 It's the most depressing place I think I've ever been in. It's the most depressing place I think I've ever been in.
221 00:11:17,480 00:11:18,840 No, it's not. It's awesome. No, it's not. It's awesome.
222 00:11:18,920 00:11:21,680 It's cool. It's kitsch. It's cute. It's cool. It's kitsch. It's cute.
223 00:11:28,640 00:11:30,440 Eventually, I managed to calm Daddy down Eventually, I managed to calm Daddy down
224 00:11:30,520 00:11:33,320 with the promise of a nice cup of tea and a bubble bath. with the promise of a nice cup of tea and a bubble bath.
225 00:11:36,640 00:11:38,520 -Daddy? -What? -Daddy? -What?
226 00:11:38,600 00:11:40,720 How much of this soap do you want me to save for you? How much of this soap do you want me to save for you?
227 00:11:40,800 00:11:43,120 Don't be ridiculous. Why would I want soap? Don't be ridiculous. Why would I want soap?
228 00:11:43,200 00:11:44,440 We're sharing a bar of soap. We're sharing a bar of soap.
229 00:11:44,520 00:11:47,400 You want me to crack you off half? 'Cause if I give myself a once over, You want me to crack you off half? 'Cause if I give myself a once over,
230 00:11:47,480 00:11:49,680 by the time it gets to you it'll be like a Brillo pad. by the time it gets to you it'll be like a Brillo pad.
231 00:11:49,760 00:11:53,920 Exactly. And I don't want a soap like that with all your pubic hair all over it. Exactly. And I don't want a soap like that with all your pubic hair all over it.
232 00:11:54,000 00:11:57,760 That's why I'm trying to say how much do you think you'll need for your shower? That's why I'm trying to say how much do you think you'll need for your shower?
233 00:11:57,840 00:12:01,920 Or indeed the previous occupants of this room's pubic hair, Or indeed the previous occupants of this room's pubic hair,
234 00:12:02,000 00:12:05,320 -which is more likely. - It is a fresh bar of soap. -which is more likely. - It is a fresh bar of soap.
235 00:12:05,400 00:12:07,720 All right. Do you want tea? All right. Do you want tea?
236 00:12:07,800 00:12:08,880 Yes, please. Yes, please.
237 00:12:09,640 00:12:13,280 I've had an idea for my father-of-the-bride speech. I've had an idea for my father-of-the-bride speech.
238 00:12:13,360 00:12:14,200 Yes? Yes?
239 00:12:14,280 00:12:16,800 I thought I'd tell the Archie Tight story. I thought I'd tell the Archie Tight story.
240 00:12:17,280 00:12:18,640 Who the fuck is Archie Tight? Who the fuck is Archie Tight?
241 00:12:18,720 00:12:21,160 When I went to kiss Molly good night one evening, When I went to kiss Molly good night one evening,
242 00:12:21,240 00:12:24,920 I read her a story and then I kissed her good night, I read her a story and then I kissed her good night,
243 00:12:25,000 00:12:26,880 and she gave me a tongue kiss. and she gave me a tongue kiss.
244 00:12:27,560 00:12:28,440 And I said, And I said,
245 00:12:28,920 00:12:31,440 "Molly, what are you doing?" "Molly, what are you doing?"
246 00:12:31,920 00:12:34,120 And she said, "That's a tongue kiss, Daddy." And she said, "That's a tongue kiss, Daddy."
247 00:12:34,640 00:12:36,640 And I said, "Well, I know it is, And I said, "Well, I know it is,
248 00:12:36,720 00:12:38,760 but what are you doing it on me for?" but what are you doing it on me for?"
249 00:12:39,200 00:12:42,560 And she said, "Well, Archie Tight taught me to tongue kiss." And she said, "Well, Archie Tight taught me to tongue kiss."
250 00:12:42,640 00:12:44,000 I said, "Right! I said, "Right!
251 00:12:44,080 00:12:48,080 I'm gonna go round to that house and I'm gonna give that man--" I'm gonna go round to that house and I'm gonna give that man--"
252 00:12:48,160 00:12:49,040 "Man"? "Man"?
253 00:12:49,120 00:12:50,480 Well, the father. Well, the father.
254 00:12:50,560 00:12:53,120 I thought that Archie Tight was a man. I thought that Archie Tight was a man.
255 00:12:53,200 00:12:55,120 -No. -Oh, God. -No. -Oh, God.
256 00:12:55,200 00:12:58,080 -This story's horrific! -"Gonna give him a real talking to." -This story's horrific! -"Gonna give him a real talking to."
257 00:12:58,160 00:13:00,680 Anyway, your mother said not to make a fuss, Anyway, your mother said not to make a fuss,
258 00:13:00,760 00:13:02,440 so I never did anything about it. so I never did anything about it.
259 00:13:02,520 00:13:05,400 But I thought that might work well at the wedding. What do you think? But I thought that might work well at the wedding. What do you think?
260 00:13:05,480 00:13:07,600 -You want to tell a story... -Yeah. -You want to tell a story... -Yeah.
261 00:13:07,680 00:13:09,280 -...at my sister's wedding... -Yeah. -...at my sister's wedding... -Yeah.
262 00:13:09,360 00:13:11,880 ...about the time she tried to tongue kiss you ...about the time she tried to tongue kiss you
263 00:13:11,960 00:13:13,920 -after you'd read her a bedtime story... -Yeah. -after you'd read her a bedtime story... -Yeah.
264 00:13:14,000 00:13:16,840 ...'cause one of her friends at school had taught her tongue kissing? ...'cause one of her friends at school had taught her tongue kissing?
265 00:13:16,920 00:13:18,120 -Yeah. -No. -Yeah. -No.
266 00:13:18,200 00:13:20,720 I don't think that would be an appropriate story for a wedding. I don't think that would be an appropriate story for a wedding.
267 00:13:20,800 00:13:22,040 I'll keep thinking then. I'll keep thinking then.
268 00:13:25,000 00:13:26,760 As well as seeing the incredible Uluru, As well as seeing the incredible Uluru,
269 00:13:26,840 00:13:30,240 no trip to Australia would be complete without meeting the native wildlife. no trip to Australia would be complete without meeting the native wildlife.
270 00:13:30,800 00:13:32,800 And the emu is my number one. And the emu is my number one.
271 00:13:33,360 00:13:37,080 So I'd arranged for us to visit an emu farm in Marburg, Queensland So I'd arranged for us to visit an emu farm in Marburg, Queensland
272 00:13:37,160 00:13:39,600 to get up close with these majestic birds. to get up close with these majestic birds.
273 00:13:40,440 00:13:42,960 So excited for today. Love emus. So excited for today. Love emus.
274 00:13:43,520 00:13:46,480 Can't believe I'll get to see one in its natural habitat. Can't believe I'll get to see one in its natural habitat.
275 00:13:46,560 00:13:49,280 -So weird, your obsession with-- -Why is it weird? -So weird, your obsession with-- -Why is it weird?
276 00:13:49,360 00:13:50,880 -It's just weird. -It's not. -It's just weird. -It's not.
277 00:13:50,960 00:13:53,320 -Why would you be obsessed with emus? -You know why. -Why would you be obsessed with emus? -You know why.
278 00:13:53,400 00:13:55,320 I played an emu in a school nativity play, I played an emu in a school nativity play,
279 00:13:55,400 00:13:57,800 and ever since then they've been my spirit animal. and ever since then they've been my spirit animal.
280 00:13:58,360 00:14:01,520 This would be like you going to a farm of Winston Churchills. This would be like you going to a farm of Winston Churchills.
281 00:14:01,600 00:14:04,200 An emu is an animal. An emu is an animal.
282 00:14:04,280 00:14:06,040 Winston Churchill isn't. Winston Churchill isn't.
283 00:14:06,120 00:14:09,960 -I know, but-- -Why would Winston Churchill be in a farm? -I know, but-- -Why would Winston Churchill be in a farm?
284 00:14:10,040 00:14:12,600 The point I'm making is, I'm obsessed with emus, The point I'm making is, I'm obsessed with emus,
285 00:14:12,680 00:14:14,680 -you're obsessed with Winston Churchill. -Yes. -you're obsessed with Winston Churchill. -Yes.
286 00:14:14,760 00:14:17,400 If by some means, there were a park If by some means, there were a park
287 00:14:17,480 00:14:21,120 that were full of Winston Churchills, then you'd be excited about going to that. that were full of Winston Churchills, then you'd be excited about going to that.
288 00:14:21,200 00:14:23,960 But there wouldn't be a park full of Winston Churchills. But there wouldn't be a park full of Winston Churchills.
289 00:14:24,040 00:14:25,720 They didn't think there was gonna be a park They didn't think there was gonna be a park
290 00:14:25,800 00:14:28,800 full of dinosaurs but then they found the... full of dinosaurs but then they found the...
291 00:14:29,440 00:14:32,320 thing with the mosquito in it and they were able to clone dinosaurs thing with the mosquito in it and they were able to clone dinosaurs
292 00:14:32,400 00:14:33,720 -and make Jurassic Park. -Yes. -and make Jurassic Park. -Yes.
293 00:14:33,800 00:14:36,240 What if there was an equivalent with Winston Churchill What if there was an equivalent with Winston Churchill
294 00:14:36,320 00:14:40,200 where they found one of his old cigars and they scraped off a bit of DNA, where they found one of his old cigars and they scraped off a bit of DNA,
295 00:14:40,280 00:14:44,600 put it in a machine and then they cloned a load of Winston Churchills and made... put it in a machine and then they cloned a load of Winston Churchills and made...
296 00:14:44,680 00:14:45,720 Churchill-land? Churchill-land?
297 00:14:45,800 00:14:47,760 -Right. So you think-- -And there was a park. -Right. So you think-- -And there was a park.
298 00:14:47,840 00:14:53,280 Do you think that as good a film would be a film where a lot of children Do you think that as good a film would be a film where a lot of children
299 00:14:53,360 00:14:57,760 are trapped in this place that's full of Winston Churchills are trapped in this place that's full of Winston Churchills
300 00:14:57,840 00:15:02,920 going through, putting his fingers up, and smoking a cigar? going through, putting his fingers up, and smoking a cigar?
301 00:15:03,000 00:15:06,760 They would be terrified and locking the doors of the van. They would be terrified and locking the doors of the van.
302 00:15:06,840 00:15:09,240 There could be a scene with those two kids hiding in a kitchen There could be a scene with those two kids hiding in a kitchen
303 00:15:09,320 00:15:10,800 and then Winston comes in. and then Winston comes in.
304 00:15:11,480 00:15:13,480 He just appears at the window, like... He just appears at the window, like...
305 00:15:15,040 00:15:17,000 Then the glass of water starts shaking, Then the glass of water starts shaking,
306 00:15:17,080 00:15:20,680 and it's 'cause you can hear him going, "We will fight them on the beaches." and it's 'cause you can hear him going, "We will fight them on the beaches."
307 00:15:20,760 00:15:22,000 Would be quite a good film. Would be quite a good film.
308 00:15:22,560 00:15:26,200 You're in the realms of complete, ludicrous fantasy. You're in the realms of complete, ludicrous fantasy.
309 00:15:26,680 00:15:28,320 Absolute rubbish. Absolute rubbish.
310 00:15:31,040 00:15:34,800 Unfortunately, just like Daddy's mood, the weather had taken a turn. Unfortunately, just like Daddy's mood, the weather had taken a turn.
311 00:15:34,880 00:15:37,760 To cheer him up, I taught him the best emu fact there is: To cheer him up, I taught him the best emu fact there is:
312 00:15:37,840 00:15:39,320 that they produce emu oil... that they produce emu oil...
313 00:15:39,800 00:15:42,720 which some have claimed can help with anti-aging, cholesterol, which some have claimed can help with anti-aging, cholesterol,
314 00:15:42,800 00:15:46,040 and as an anti-inflammatory, perfect for Daddy's gout. and as an anti-inflammatory, perfect for Daddy's gout.
315 00:15:47,040 00:15:47,880 G'day. G'day.
316 00:15:47,960 00:15:50,680 -Hey, Jack. How's it going? -Yes, Steve, how are you? -Hey, Jack. How's it going? -Yes, Steve, how are you?
317 00:15:50,760 00:15:52,840 -Nice to meet you. -Good to see you. -Nice to meet you. -Good to see you.
318 00:15:52,920 00:15:56,200 -Thanks for bringing the English weather. -Yes. -Thanks for bringing the English weather. -Yes.
319 00:15:56,280 00:15:57,760 -Michael. -Hello. How are you? -Michael. -Hello. How are you?
320 00:15:57,840 00:15:58,960 -Very good. -Good to meet you. -Very good. -Good to meet you.
321 00:15:59,440 00:16:00,640 So this is an emu farm. So this is an emu farm.
322 00:16:01,080 00:16:04,440 Yes. I've got about 3,000 emus all up at the moment. Yes. I've got about 3,000 emus all up at the moment.
323 00:16:04,520 00:16:06,200 Great. This is your wife? Great. This is your wife?
324 00:16:06,280 00:16:07,520 -Very nice-- -Huggy? -Very nice-- -Huggy?
325 00:16:07,600 00:16:09,720 Huggy, yes. Very nice to meet you. Huggy, yes. Very nice to meet you.
326 00:16:09,800 00:16:10,880 And huggy? And huggy?
327 00:16:10,960 00:16:13,720 -Hello. How are you? -I'll kiss you. There we go. -Hello. How are you? -I'll kiss you. There we go.
328 00:16:15,520 00:16:16,680 Wow. Wow.
329 00:16:16,760 00:16:20,320 After Daddy got fresh with the locals, it was time for a detailed briefing. After Daddy got fresh with the locals, it was time for a detailed briefing.
330 00:16:20,400 00:16:22,000 What we're gonna do today: What we're gonna do today:
331 00:16:22,080 00:16:25,000 we're gonna just see if they're fat underneath the feathers. we're gonna just see if they're fat underneath the feathers.
332 00:16:25,080 00:16:28,760 I want to sort of feel them and see if they got a big heap of fat on them. I want to sort of feel them and see if they got a big heap of fat on them.
333 00:16:29,160 00:16:31,960 Before we head off down there to catch one of these emus, Before we head off down there to catch one of these emus,
334 00:16:32,040 00:16:36,080 what we do is put the pads on so you don't get your legs hurt. what we do is put the pads on so you don't get your legs hurt.
335 00:16:36,160 00:16:37,320 Are they quite vicious? Are they quite vicious?
336 00:16:37,400 00:16:40,080 -One in 200 wants to kill you. -Really? -One in 200 wants to kill you. -Really?
337 00:16:40,160 00:16:42,360 -I'll pick that one out for you. -Can you tell which one? -I'll pick that one out for you. -Can you tell which one?
338 00:16:42,440 00:16:44,280 The one that's looking at you funny. The one that's looking at you funny.
339 00:16:44,920 00:16:47,840 What are you gonna do, Michael? You gonna catch an emu or-- What are you gonna do, Michael? You gonna catch an emu or--
340 00:16:47,920 00:16:50,320 I think I'm probably gonna watch Jack, actually. I think I'm probably gonna watch Jack, actually.
341 00:16:53,920 00:16:54,920 What's your tricks? What's your tricks?
342 00:16:55,000 00:16:59,160 The main thing is, if you feel threatened at all, just put your hand up high, The main thing is, if you feel threatened at all, just put your hand up high,
343 00:16:59,240 00:17:01,920 and go to them. Don't ever run away from an aggressive emu. and go to them. Don't ever run away from an aggressive emu.
344 00:17:02,000 00:17:04,240 -'Cause you can't run faster than it. -Okay. -'Cause you can't run faster than it. -Okay.
345 00:17:04,320 00:17:07,040 And if you're running away, it can rip you open with its feet. And if you're running away, it can rip you open with its feet.
346 00:17:07,120 00:17:08,280 -All right. -Okay? -All right. -Okay?
347 00:17:09,480 00:17:11,400 Quite scary now that we're up close. Quite scary now that we're up close.
348 00:17:12,520 00:17:15,120 After this friendly but blood-curdling warning, After this friendly but blood-curdling warning,
349 00:17:15,200 00:17:17,320 it was time to pad up for protection. it was time to pad up for protection.
350 00:17:17,400 00:17:18,960 -What's that noise? -What's that noise?
351 00:17:19,040 00:17:22,640 That's the females making the drumming noise and the males are making the grunt. That's the females making the drumming noise and the males are making the grunt.
352 00:17:22,720 00:17:23,720 Okay. Okay.
353 00:17:23,800 00:17:25,960 Maybe you should take a bat in as well... Maybe you should take a bat in as well...
354 00:17:26,560 00:17:27,480 for good luck. for good luck.
355 00:17:29,040 00:17:30,360 That one looks angry. That one looks angry.
356 00:17:30,720 00:17:33,560 -That one wants to kill me. -That's the one you want. -That one wants to kill me. -That's the one you want.
357 00:17:33,640 00:17:35,040 Get the angry one. Get the angry one.
358 00:17:35,240 00:17:37,240 Okay, we just go up nice and gently. Okay, we just go up nice and gently.
359 00:17:37,320 00:17:39,040 -Like that. - Got it! Got it! -Like that. - Got it! Got it!
360 00:17:40,440 00:17:44,080 -Is that what it's gonna do when I get it? - Yeah. Isn't that fun? -Is that what it's gonna do when I get it? - Yeah. Isn't that fun?
361 00:17:44,440 00:17:46,400 No, that is absolutely terrifying. No, that is absolutely terrifying.
362 00:17:46,680 00:17:49,400 That one does not look like it wants to be taken from behind, Steve. That one does not look like it wants to be taken from behind, Steve.
363 00:17:49,480 00:17:51,120 There you go. You're a fat bird. There you go. You're a fat bird.
364 00:17:51,200 00:17:52,840 You wanna go away? There you go. You wanna go away? There you go.
365 00:17:54,360 00:17:55,480 That's how you do it. That's how you do it.
366 00:17:55,560 00:17:57,000 These all look quite big. These all look quite big.
367 00:17:57,080 00:17:58,600 Okay, this one, this little one here. Okay, this one, this little one here.
368 00:18:00,920 00:18:02,800 I'm not approaching that from behind. I'm not approaching that from behind.
369 00:18:06,440 00:18:08,440 I mean... I mean...
370 00:18:08,520 00:18:10,600 Whatever-- Whichever-- Let's just remember that one, Whatever-- Whichever-- Let's just remember that one,
371 00:18:10,680 00:18:12,680 'cause I'm not going anywhere near that one's ass. 'cause I'm not going anywhere near that one's ass.
372 00:18:13,240 00:18:14,240 Just use the tree... Just use the tree...
373 00:18:16,760 00:18:17,640 Come here! Come here!
374 00:18:19,480 00:18:20,400 No. Back off. No. Back off.
375 00:18:22,160 00:18:23,920 I don't like the sound of that one. I don't like the sound of that one.
376 00:18:24,000 00:18:24,920 What about you? What about you?
377 00:18:33,640 00:18:36,360 This is a complete and utter waste of time. This is a complete and utter waste of time.
378 00:18:39,960 00:18:41,880 - Oh, fuck! - Nearly, Jack, nearly. - Oh, fuck! - Nearly, Jack, nearly.
379 00:18:46,040 00:18:48,760 Oh, Steve. The big takedown. Oh, Steve. The big takedown.
380 00:18:48,840 00:18:50,200 -No! -I'm down. -No! -I'm down.
381 00:18:50,280 00:18:51,800 He's been left in the mud! He's been left in the mud!
382 00:18:51,880 00:18:53,920 He thought he had her in the cab. He thought he had her in the cab.
383 00:18:54,000 00:18:55,400 And she was outta there. And she was outta there.
384 00:18:55,480 00:18:57,680 Don't worry. Happens to the best of us. Oh, God. Don't worry. Happens to the best of us. Oh, God.
385 00:18:57,760 00:18:59,520 -Look at that. -Didn't think that through. -Look at that. -Didn't think that through.
386 00:18:59,920 00:19:01,280 You really committed to that. You really committed to that.
387 00:19:01,360 00:19:03,160 Okay, right. You shouldn't do that. Okay, right. You shouldn't do that.
388 00:19:03,640 00:19:07,280 -No, that didn't look like the technique. -As soon as you fall over, let 'em go. -No, that didn't look like the technique. -As soon as you fall over, let 'em go.
389 00:19:08,120 00:19:11,960 It's like a woman, like catching a woman, you know, very gently, slowly. It's like a woman, like catching a woman, you know, very gently, slowly.
390 00:19:12,040 00:19:14,960 Not quite how I treat women, but I guess we're in Australia now, Not quite how I treat women, but I guess we're in Australia now,
391 00:19:15,040 00:19:17,320 and I'm too eager and too keen at the moment. and I'm too eager and too keen at the moment.
392 00:19:17,400 00:19:18,920 And I'm looking a little desperate. And I'm looking a little desperate.
393 00:19:19,000 00:19:21,120 -Yeah. -I just need to be a bit more nonchalant. -Yeah. -I just need to be a bit more nonchalant.
394 00:19:21,200 00:19:23,320 Just a little bit more gentle. Just a little bit more gentle.
395 00:19:23,400 00:19:25,360 Do you think if I smoked, that would help? Do you think if I smoked, that would help?
396 00:19:25,440 00:19:26,440 Yeah. Yeah.
397 00:19:27,320 00:19:29,800 We might be waiting a while. Have you got plenty of time? We might be waiting a while. Have you got plenty of time?
398 00:19:29,880 00:19:31,520 All the time in the world, baby. All the time in the world, baby.
399 00:19:33,200 00:19:36,280 - I found one that wants to kill me. - That's the one you want. - I found one that wants to kill me. - That's the one you want.
400 00:19:36,360 00:19:38,760 -The one that wants to kill you. -This one. My God, look at it! -The one that wants to kill you. -This one. My God, look at it!
401 00:19:38,840 00:19:41,600 I'd keep away from that one, if I were you, Jack. I'd keep away from that one, if I were you, Jack.
402 00:19:41,680 00:19:43,680 -It doesn't look at all pleased. -It doesn't look at all pleased.
403 00:19:43,760 00:19:45,080 This one hates me. This one hates me.
404 00:19:45,160 00:19:48,280 You can't have a friend. That's not fair. This is the first time I've done it. You can't have a friend. That's not fair. This is the first time I've done it.
405 00:19:49,040 00:19:50,720 This is the one. This is the one. This is the one. This is the one.
406 00:19:51,840 00:19:53,800 I'm really sorry for what I'm about to do. I'm really sorry for what I'm about to do.
407 00:19:53,880 00:19:56,880 I would never normally approach someone like this, I would never normally approach someone like this,
408 00:19:56,960 00:20:00,280 especially when I've first just met them, but I'm gonna have to. especially when I've first just met them, but I'm gonna have to.
409 00:20:00,680 00:20:02,280 - Grab his wings. -I've got him. - Grab his wings. -I've got him.
410 00:20:02,360 00:20:04,480 - Yes, Jack, go! -I've got him! - Yes, Jack, go! -I've got him!
411 00:20:04,560 00:20:06,200 -I'm so sorry. - You've got him. -I'm so sorry. - You've got him.
412 00:20:06,280 00:20:07,480 Well done, Jack. Well done, Jack.
413 00:20:07,960 00:20:10,000 -Ooh! Now what do I do? - Let him go. -Ooh! Now what do I do? - Let him go.
414 00:20:10,080 00:20:12,840 -Off you go. Thank you. I'm so sorry. -There you go. That's it. -Off you go. Thank you. I'm so sorry. -There you go. That's it.
415 00:20:14,320 00:20:16,640 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
416 00:20:17,240 00:20:18,520 That was exhilarating. That was exhilarating.
417 00:20:20,040 00:20:23,480 So once I got the emu, then the legs were flailing around everywhere. So once I got the emu, then the legs were flailing around everywhere.
418 00:20:23,560 00:20:24,600 How do you milk it? How do you milk it?
419 00:20:25,080 00:20:28,640 Okay, so they obviously don't have an udder like a cow. Okay, so they obviously don't have an udder like a cow.
420 00:20:28,720 00:20:30,480 When we process the emu-- When we process the emu--
421 00:20:30,560 00:20:33,400 Take into account their meat is one of the healthiest meats in the world. Take into account their meat is one of the healthiest meats in the world.
422 00:20:33,480 00:20:35,880 Where's the oil come from if it hasn't got tits? Where's the oil come from if it hasn't got tits?
423 00:20:35,960 00:20:39,240 So the fat is-- Then becomes-- We melt it at a low temperature, So the fat is-- Then becomes-- We melt it at a low temperature,
424 00:20:39,320 00:20:41,200 and that becomes our oil. and that becomes our oil.
425 00:20:41,280 00:20:43,800 -So the oil doesn't come from a tit? -No. -So the oil doesn't come from a tit? -No.
426 00:20:43,880 00:20:48,000 It comes from the fat that is a blanket over the meat of the emu. It comes from the fat that is a blanket over the meat of the emu.
427 00:20:48,080 00:20:48,920 Okay. Okay.
428 00:20:49,000 00:20:51,440 And with that I was left reeling from the news And with that I was left reeling from the news
429 00:20:51,520 00:20:54,160 that my beloved birds have to be killed for their fat that my beloved birds have to be killed for their fat
430 00:20:54,240 00:20:55,800 to make oil for Daddy's gout. to make oil for Daddy's gout.
431 00:20:57,920 00:21:01,080 I'm so, so sorry. I'm sorry for what I've just heard. I'm so, so sorry. I'm sorry for what I've just heard.
432 00:21:02,520 00:21:06,520 We've come to an emu farm because I wanted to see these beautiful graceful birds, We've come to an emu farm because I wanted to see these beautiful graceful birds,
433 00:21:06,600 00:21:07,520 my spirit animals. my spirit animals.
434 00:21:07,600 00:21:09,480 And I knew that there was emu oil, And I knew that there was emu oil,
435 00:21:09,560 00:21:11,960 but I assumed that was something that came out of a tit. but I assumed that was something that came out of a tit.
436 00:21:12,440 00:21:13,760 I'm devastated. I'm devastated.
437 00:21:15,400 00:21:18,560 Look at this beautiful bird. How could you want to kill that? Look at this beautiful bird. How could you want to kill that?
438 00:21:19,240 00:21:20,280 How? Okay... How? Okay...
439 00:21:20,920 00:21:23,600 No, I'm not attacking you. I was actually defending you right now. No, I'm not attacking you. I was actually defending you right now.
440 00:21:25,240 00:21:27,640 It was time to lead my people to freedom, It was time to lead my people to freedom,
441 00:21:27,720 00:21:29,280 like an emu Moses. like an emu Moses.
442 00:21:30,640 00:21:33,120 Well done, Steve. That was very impressive. Well done, Steve. That was very impressive.
443 00:21:33,200 00:21:35,840 -Quite good, wasn't it? -Yeah. Very impressive. -Quite good, wasn't it? -Yeah. Very impressive.
444 00:21:38,120 00:21:40,000 Wait till he's in the farmhouse, Wait till he's in the farmhouse,
445 00:21:40,080 00:21:41,960 -then make your move. - Jack, the gate! -then make your move. - Jack, the gate!
446 00:21:42,440 00:21:44,200 Oh, shit. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Oh, shit. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
447 00:21:44,880 00:21:47,200 -We don't want to catch one out there. -Sorry, sorry, sorry. -We don't want to catch one out there. -Sorry, sorry, sorry.
448 00:21:47,280 00:21:49,280 I thought it was locked secured on the thing. I thought it was locked secured on the thing.
449 00:21:50,120 00:21:51,760 -Is it one of those? -Yeah. -Is it one of those? -Yeah.
450 00:21:51,840 00:21:52,840 Sorry. Sorry.
451 00:21:55,240 00:21:56,520 We put a double chain around it. We put a double chain around it.
452 00:21:56,600 00:21:58,640 That's why. I thought it was on the thing there. That's why. I thought it was on the thing there.
453 00:21:58,720 00:22:00,400 -Now, we've got it locked. -Sorry. -Now, we've got it locked. -Sorry.
454 00:22:00,480 00:22:01,640 You can't be an emu farmer You can't be an emu farmer
455 00:22:01,720 00:22:04,200 -without knowing how to lock a gate. -Yeah. Sorry. -without knowing how to lock a gate. -Yeah. Sorry.
456 00:22:06,640 00:22:08,760 Why have you gone all David Attenborough? Why have you gone all David Attenborough?
457 00:22:08,840 00:22:11,560 I thought they milked them to get the oil from a tit. I thought they milked them to get the oil from a tit.
458 00:22:11,640 00:22:14,600 No. That's the sort of conversation you get from a tit. No. That's the sort of conversation you get from a tit.
459 00:22:14,680 00:22:17,440 Not from a tit in that respect. Not from a tit in that respect.
460 00:22:22,960 00:22:26,680 After a hard day on the farm, Steve and Sarah had invited Daddy and me After a hard day on the farm, Steve and Sarah had invited Daddy and me
461 00:22:26,760 00:22:28,800 to stay the night at their farmhouse. to stay the night at their farmhouse.
462 00:22:29,440 00:22:32,520 So what are the other properties of emu oil? So what are the other properties of emu oil?
463 00:22:32,600 00:22:35,880 Cleans out all your pipes and also helps your sex drive. Cleans out all your pipes and also helps your sex drive.
464 00:22:36,200 00:22:37,840 -Right. Very good. -So... -Right. Very good. -So...
465 00:22:38,440 00:22:41,960 -Right. -Yeah. Come in. This is your bedroom. -Right. -Yeah. Come in. This is your bedroom.
466 00:22:44,160 00:22:46,160 So here we are. It's very nice. So here we are. It's very nice.
467 00:22:47,240 00:22:48,520 What do you think, Jack? What do you think, Jack?
468 00:22:49,120 00:22:50,600 - Thank you. -Nice room. - Thank you. -Nice room.
469 00:22:51,240 00:22:54,000 -I'll leave you to it for the moment. - Thank you. -I'll leave you to it for the moment. - Thank you.
470 00:22:54,080 00:22:55,200 She's very nice. She's very nice.
471 00:22:56,440 00:22:58,600 Sarah. Bless her. Sarah. Bless her.
472 00:23:01,680 00:23:03,320 I'm sorry. I just feel weird. I'm sorry. I just feel weird.
473 00:23:03,680 00:23:04,520 What? What?
474 00:23:04,600 00:23:06,080 It just doesn't sit right with me. It just doesn't sit right with me.
475 00:23:07,240 00:23:09,960 I mean, I don't understand what you're talking about. I mean, I don't understand what you're talking about.
476 00:23:10,040 00:23:12,440 I mean, it's just like a big fucking chicken. I mean, it's just like a big fucking chicken.
477 00:23:12,520 00:23:14,480 -You're quite happy to eat a chicken. -It is not-- -You're quite happy to eat a chicken. -It is not--
478 00:23:14,560 00:23:18,280 But you're not wanting to eat an emu because-- "Oh, my little emu!" But you're not wanting to eat an emu because-- "Oh, my little emu!"
479 00:23:18,760 00:23:22,040 It's a big chicken that's got an extra-long neck. It's a big chicken that's got an extra-long neck.
480 00:23:22,120 00:23:26,760 It's not a big chicken. It's a graceful, beautiful emu. It's not a big chicken. It's a graceful, beautiful emu.
481 00:23:26,840 00:23:30,560 What about that place you used to go to all the time? Peri-peri chicken. What about that place you used to go to all the time? Peri-peri chicken.
482 00:23:30,640 00:23:32,160 -Nando's. -Nando's! -Nando's. -Nando's!
483 00:23:32,600 00:23:35,040 You were quite happy to get all that going. You were quite happy to get all that going.
484 00:23:35,120 00:23:38,440 And get it all for free and have your Nando's card And get it all for free and have your Nando's card
485 00:23:38,520 00:23:40,880 -and show it off. -Because Nando's is chicken. -and show it off. -Because Nando's is chicken.
486 00:23:40,960 00:23:43,400 If Nando's was emu, I wouldn't eat there. If Nando's was emu, I wouldn't eat there.
487 00:23:43,480 00:23:45,840 If there was peri-peri emu, I wouldn't be eating it. If there was peri-peri emu, I wouldn't be eating it.
488 00:23:45,920 00:23:48,200 I think they're a very, very nice couple. I think they're a very, very nice couple.
489 00:23:48,640 00:23:50,640 Right? So don't be rude to them. Right? So don't be rude to them.
490 00:23:50,720 00:23:53,200 -I'm not being rude. I just like emus. -Don't get all aggressive. -I'm not being rude. I just like emus. -Don't get all aggressive.
491 00:23:53,600 00:23:56,240 Very beneficial to the world Very beneficial to the world
492 00:23:56,760 00:24:00,800 having emus that provide oil and meat. having emus that provide oil and meat.
493 00:24:01,640 00:24:05,480 And also for Rod Hull, obviously it was a different thing, but... And also for Rod Hull, obviously it was a different thing, but...
494 00:24:06,880 00:24:10,440 Sheep? Do you think it's unfair to take the wool off sheep? Sheep? Do you think it's unfair to take the wool off sheep?
495 00:24:11,640 00:24:13,640 -No, that's slightly different. -Yoo-hoo. -No, that's slightly different. -Yoo-hoo.
496 00:24:13,720 00:24:15,880 -It's just me. Sorry. -Oh, my God. -It's just me. Sorry. -Oh, my God.
497 00:24:15,960 00:24:18,440 -Hello. -I just want to present Jack -Hello. -I just want to present Jack
498 00:24:18,520 00:24:20,880 with a beautiful gift that my girls made for you. with a beautiful gift that my girls made for you.
499 00:24:20,960 00:24:22,880 -Wow. -It's made of emu feathers. -Wow. -It's made of emu feathers.
500 00:24:22,960 00:24:25,880 Look. That is so nice, Jack. Look. That is so nice, Jack.
501 00:24:25,960 00:24:28,360 I don't know whether it would go well with this. I don't know whether it would go well with this.
502 00:24:28,440 00:24:31,000 -Yes, it would. It'll match beautifully. -It would. It's the color. -Yes, it would. It'll match beautifully. -It would. It's the color.
503 00:24:31,080 00:24:32,920 -With your brown shirt. -Look at the color. -With your brown shirt. -Look at the color.
504 00:24:33,000 00:24:34,160 Don't be afraid. I don't bite. Don't be afraid. I don't bite.
505 00:24:34,240 00:24:36,920 -Why don't you put it on Daddy? -No, it's not for me. -Why don't you put it on Daddy? -No, it's not for me.
506 00:24:37,000 00:24:38,240 It's very kind of you. It's very kind of you.
507 00:24:38,320 00:24:40,440 -There we go. Turn around. -Wow. -There we go. Turn around. -Wow.
508 00:24:40,520 00:24:43,080 -That's you, Jack. -And we'll tie it up like a lion, -That's you, Jack. -And we'll tie it up like a lion,
509 00:24:43,160 00:24:44,880 -but it's an emu. -That is so you. -but it's an emu. -That is so you.
510 00:24:45,280 00:24:47,480 So now we call you Jack the emu. So now we call you Jack the emu.
511 00:24:47,680 00:24:50,440 -Yes. That is very elegant. -It's like my emu costume. -Yes. That is very elegant. -It's like my emu costume.
512 00:24:50,520 00:24:52,920 -There we go. I'll leave you with that. -Thank you so much. -There we go. I'll leave you with that. -Thank you so much.
513 00:24:53,000 00:24:55,240 -That's lovely. Thank you very much. -Thank you. -That's lovely. Thank you very much. -Thank you.
514 00:24:55,320 00:24:57,480 -We wanted to give you something special. -Thank you. -We wanted to give you something special. -Thank you.
515 00:24:57,560 00:24:59,560 -Thank you. -Well, enjoy the night. -Thank you. -Well, enjoy the night.
516 00:24:59,640 00:25:01,640 -Thank you. -What a lovely gift! -Thank you. -What a lovely gift!
517 00:25:01,720 00:25:03,600 It just needs to be a little bit more... It just needs to be a little bit more...
518 00:25:04,320 00:25:05,680 over that way on the shoulder. over that way on the shoulder.
519 00:25:05,760 00:25:07,160 -You're loving this. -There we are. -You're loving this. -There we are.
520 00:25:07,920 00:25:10,120 She's literally skinned an emu, and she's put it on me. She's literally skinned an emu, and she's put it on me.
521 00:25:10,200 00:25:12,400 Well, I don't think it's recently skinned. Well, I don't think it's recently skinned.
522 00:25:12,480 00:25:13,680 Might actually be. Might actually be.
523 00:25:13,760 00:25:15,960 She's like Buffalo Bill. That's what she's like. She's like Buffalo Bill. That's what she's like.
524 00:25:16,040 00:25:18,800 -What do you mean? -I'm trapped in Silence of the Emus. -What do you mean? -I'm trapped in Silence of the Emus.
525 00:25:19,480 00:25:20,600 All right. Okay. All right. Okay.
526 00:25:20,680 00:25:23,880 Maybe she's gonna bring in the still-beating heart of an emu Maybe she's gonna bring in the still-beating heart of an emu
527 00:25:23,960 00:25:27,480 for me to take a bite out of and smear the blood across my forehead. for me to take a bite out of and smear the blood across my forehead.
528 00:25:28,280 00:25:30,560 What's really annoying is I do really like it. What's really annoying is I do really like it.
529 00:25:30,800 00:25:32,880 I love the look of it. I love the sheen. I love the look of it. I love the sheen.
530 00:25:33,480 00:25:34,800 I love the movement, the sway. I love the movement, the sway.
531 00:25:40,920 00:25:41,920 She's very talented. She's very talented.
532 00:25:42,440 00:25:43,600 -She is. -She is. -She is. -She is.
533 00:25:48,480 00:25:51,640 After a sleepless night, we bid Steve and Sarah farewell. After a sleepless night, we bid Steve and Sarah farewell.
534 00:25:51,880 00:25:54,440 It was almost time to start our adventure to Uluru. It was almost time to start our adventure to Uluru.
535 00:25:54,520 00:25:57,920 But before we'd left the farm, we'd learned that today was Australia Day, But before we'd left the farm, we'd learned that today was Australia Day,
536 00:25:58,000 00:25:59,240 a national holiday. a national holiday.
537 00:25:59,320 00:26:01,240 And our hosts had suggested a country pub And our hosts had suggested a country pub
538 00:26:01,320 00:26:03,200 that would be the perfect place to spend it. that would be the perfect place to spend it.
539 00:26:03,280 00:26:06,240 I've been thinking about my wedding speech again. I've been thinking about my wedding speech again.
540 00:26:06,320 00:26:09,560 What I thought might be a bit of a showstopper What I thought might be a bit of a showstopper
541 00:26:09,640 00:26:13,480 was if I told the "poy" joke, which I don't think you've ever heard. was if I told the "poy" joke, which I don't think you've ever heard.
542 00:26:13,560 00:26:15,160 It's always been a favorite of mine. It's always been a favorite of mine.
543 00:26:15,240 00:26:18,800 It's the one about the man who was a gourmet, and-- It's the one about the man who was a gourmet, and--
544 00:26:18,880 00:26:21,240 I could just have it as a surprise on the day. I could just have it as a surprise on the day.
545 00:26:22,280 00:26:24,160 -And he was obsessed... -Okay, I'm getting it. -And he was obsessed... -Okay, I'm getting it.
546 00:26:24,240 00:26:26,560 ...with finding the best food ...with finding the best food
547 00:26:26,640 00:26:29,600 that he could possibly find around the world. that he could possibly find around the world.
548 00:26:29,680 00:26:33,320 Is it one of your stories I'm gonna need to put the seat into recline for? Is it one of your stories I'm gonna need to put the seat into recline for?
549 00:26:33,400 00:26:38,840 His big obsession was finding this amazing dish called "poy." His big obsession was finding this amazing dish called "poy."
550 00:26:39,840 00:26:44,800 There was one place that made it, and it was at the top of the Himalayas. There was one place that made it, and it was at the top of the Himalayas.
551 00:26:45,440 00:26:48,200 And he just decided that he was gonna do it. And he just decided that he was gonna do it.
552 00:26:51,760 00:26:53,960 ...and he traveled to various places, ...and he traveled to various places,
553 00:26:54,040 00:26:56,560 and I won't bore you with all the beginnings. and I won't bore you with all the beginnings.
554 00:26:56,640 00:26:58,200 It makes it a very long story. It makes it a very long story.
555 00:26:58,760 00:27:02,240 But the point is, that his big obsession was... But the point is, that his big obsession was...
556 00:27:05,040 00:27:08,680 ...so he hired some camels to help... ...so he hired some camels to help...
557 00:27:11,160 00:27:17,320 ...so he goes to the foot of this mountain and he talks to various people, sherpas. ...so he goes to the foot of this mountain and he talks to various people, sherpas.
558 00:27:17,400 00:27:19,800 And he said, "Look, I've come all the way from England, And he said, "Look, I've come all the way from England,
559 00:27:19,880 00:27:23,920 and I am desperate to taste this incredible dish called 'poy.' and I am desperate to taste this incredible dish called 'poy.'
560 00:27:24,560 00:27:26,400 Do you know where I can find it?" Do you know where I can find it?"
561 00:27:32,880 00:27:35,960 So, eventually he walked into the restaurant, So, eventually he walked into the restaurant,
562 00:27:36,040 00:27:38,600 and this little man came over to him. and this little man came over to him.
563 00:27:38,680 00:27:39,960 Maybe a Himalayan man. Maybe a Himalayan man.
564 00:27:40,040 00:27:42,760 -Tibet. -Tibetan! Exactly. -Tibet. -Tibetan! Exactly.
565 00:27:42,840 00:27:44,520 That was it, "Tibetan man." That was it, "Tibetan man."
566 00:27:46,000 00:27:48,080 And he said... "Sit down, sir." And he said... "Sit down, sir."
567 00:27:48,160 00:27:49,320 -Okay, let's-- -What? -Okay, let's-- -What?
568 00:27:49,400 00:27:51,840 Maybe just rein that voice in a little bit? Maybe just rein that voice in a little bit?
569 00:27:51,920 00:27:53,800 -No, because he was Tibetan. -Okay. -No, because he was Tibetan. -Okay.
570 00:27:53,880 00:27:54,920 He had a little accent. He had a little accent.
571 00:27:55,000 00:27:56,240 Right, stop saying "little." Right, stop saying "little."
572 00:27:56,320 00:27:59,040 -Because "little" makes it even worse. -'Cause he was a little man. -Because "little" makes it even worse. -'Cause he was a little man.
573 00:27:59,120 00:28:00,320 He was a little Tibetan. He was a little Tibetan.
574 00:28:00,400 00:28:01,280 Right. Okay. Right. Okay.
575 00:28:01,760 00:28:05,400 We don't need "little," and let's just take the edge off that voice. We don't need "little," and let's just take the edge off that voice.
576 00:28:06,520 00:28:09,760 So this small Tibetan man said, So this small Tibetan man said,
577 00:28:10,520 00:28:13,200 "Good evening, sir. What can I do for you?" "Good evening, sir. What can I do for you?"
578 00:28:13,280 00:28:17,040 And the man said, "I have traveled all the way from London And the man said, "I have traveled all the way from London
579 00:28:17,120 00:28:20,120 to try your fantastic 'poy.'" to try your fantastic 'poy.'"
580 00:28:20,600 00:28:26,760 And the little man said, "Ah, 'poy'? What sort of 'poy' you like? And the little man said, "Ah, 'poy'? What sort of 'poy' you like?
581 00:28:26,840 00:28:30,760 Shepherd's 'poy'? Steak and kidney 'poy'?" Shepherd's 'poy'? Steak and kidney 'poy'?"
582 00:28:30,840 00:28:32,080 Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
583 00:28:32,160 00:28:33,360 "Chicken 'poy'?" "Chicken 'poy'?"
584 00:28:33,960 00:28:36,480 -That is 30 minutes... -"Chicken and mushroom 'poy'?" -That is 30 minutes... -"Chicken and mushroom 'poy'?"
585 00:28:36,560 00:28:39,400 -...I'm never gonna get back from my life. -"Turkey 'poy'?" -...I'm never gonna get back from my life. -"Turkey 'poy'?"
586 00:28:43,000 00:28:44,440 "Steak 'poy'? "Steak 'poy'?
587 00:28:45,160 00:28:47,040 Steak and ale 'poy'?" Steak and ale 'poy'?"
588 00:28:50,240 00:28:53,680 You genuinely want to tell that joke, at Molly's wedding? You genuinely want to tell that joke, at Molly's wedding?
589 00:28:54,240 00:28:58,920 Well, obviously I'll say how wonderful Molly is and how lovely her husband is. Well, obviously I'll say how wonderful Molly is and how lovely her husband is.
590 00:28:59,000 00:29:03,320 Just do that, then, and don't do the 30 minute story about a man-- Just do that, then, and don't do the 30 minute story about a man--
591 00:29:03,400 00:29:06,240 -It wasn't 30 minutes. No. -It was pretty long. -It wasn't 30 minutes. No. -It was pretty long.
592 00:29:06,320 00:29:09,280 It was the longest joke I've ever heard in my entire life. It was the longest joke I've ever heard in my entire life.
593 00:29:09,360 00:29:10,960 Ten minutes, tops. Ten minutes, tops.
594 00:29:11,800 00:29:14,000 -Honestly. -Which is 10 minutes too long -Honestly. -Which is 10 minutes too long
595 00:29:14,080 00:29:15,080 for that joke. for that joke.
596 00:29:22,880 00:29:25,640 After what seemed like the longest journey known to man, After what seemed like the longest journey known to man,
597 00:29:25,720 00:29:29,640 we'd arrived at the Crown Hotel in Maryvale for Australia Day, we'd arrived at the Crown Hotel in Maryvale for Australia Day,
598 00:29:29,720 00:29:32,680 where we'd been told to look out for owners Annie and Mike. where we'd been told to look out for owners Annie and Mike.
599 00:29:35,640 00:29:38,160 So who are we meeting here? Fuck! So who are we meeting here? Fuck!
600 00:29:39,280 00:29:41,400 I've decided to go vegan after last night. I've decided to go vegan after last night.
601 00:29:41,480 00:29:42,800 -Vegan. -Yeah. -Vegan. -Yeah.
602 00:29:42,880 00:29:45,680 If you go vegan, that's it with you and me. If you go vegan, that's it with you and me.
603 00:29:45,760 00:29:48,560 -Why? -You can do anything. You can vote Labour, -Why? -You can do anything. You can vote Labour,
604 00:29:48,640 00:29:51,120 -but you do not become a vegan. -I am. -but you do not become a vegan. -I am.
605 00:29:52,240 00:29:53,480 Hey, how are you? Hey, how are you?
606 00:29:53,560 00:29:55,280 -This is my father. -How do you do? -This is my father. -How do you do?
607 00:29:55,360 00:29:57,120 -How are you? I'm Annie. -Nice to meet you. -How are you? I'm Annie. -Nice to meet you.
608 00:29:57,680 00:30:01,240 So today is a celebration of Australia Day. So today is a celebration of Australia Day.
609 00:30:01,320 00:30:03,920 The first settlers coming over here in 1788. The first settlers coming over here in 1788.
610 00:30:04,000 00:30:06,120 - Correct. -He knew quite a few of them. - Correct. -He knew quite a few of them.
611 00:30:06,200 00:30:07,720 So it's a big day for him. So it's a big day for him.
612 00:30:07,800 00:30:11,120 With introductions complete, it was time to meet some of the locals. With introductions complete, it was time to meet some of the locals.
613 00:30:11,200 00:30:12,920 -I'm Barney. -Hello, sir. How are you? -I'm Barney. -Hello, sir. How are you?
614 00:30:13,000 00:30:15,240 -How do you do, sir? -Who the fuck are you, mate? -How do you do, sir? -Who the fuck are you, mate?
615 00:30:15,320 00:30:17,760 I notice you've dispensed with your shirt. I notice you've dispensed with your shirt.
616 00:30:17,840 00:30:20,120 -This is what I wear in the summertime. - Really? -This is what I wear in the summertime. - Really?
617 00:30:20,480 00:30:22,520 You are wearing shorts. Thank God for that. You are wearing shorts. Thank God for that.
618 00:30:24,120 00:30:26,360 -Stand up on the chair. - Let's get this shirt off. -Stand up on the chair. - Let's get this shirt off.
619 00:30:26,440 00:30:28,840 No fucking way. No fucking way.
620 00:30:28,920 00:30:30,640 -Get it off. -Come on. -Get it off. -Come on.
621 00:30:30,720 00:30:33,760 -I'll tell you what I will do. -Sun's out, guns out. -I'll tell you what I will do. -Sun's out, guns out.
622 00:30:33,840 00:30:35,840 Whoa, the sleeves! Whoa, the sleeves!
623 00:30:35,920 00:30:37,480 He's getting the forearms out. He's getting the forearms out.
624 00:30:37,560 00:30:39,240 We'll make an Aussie of you yet. We'll make an Aussie of you yet.
625 00:30:39,320 00:30:41,080 I want to see your six-pack, Mikey. I want to see your six-pack, Mikey.
626 00:30:41,160 00:30:43,560 -Fuckin' hell, mate. -That's as far as I go. -Fuckin' hell, mate. -That's as far as I go.
627 00:30:47,600 00:30:50,160 Clearly threatened by Daddy's outrageous peacocking, Clearly threatened by Daddy's outrageous peacocking,
628 00:30:50,240 00:30:53,240 our new friends were keen to show us a bit of Australian culture our new friends were keen to show us a bit of Australian culture
629 00:30:53,320 00:30:56,440 in the form of some traditional Australia Day activities. in the form of some traditional Australia Day activities.
630 00:30:57,000 00:30:58,760 First up, thong throwing. First up, thong throwing.
631 00:31:00,720 00:31:02,080 No, me neither. No, me neither.
632 00:31:03,200 00:31:04,440 -Daddy. - What? -Daddy. - What?
633 00:31:05,080 00:31:05,960 I was impeded. I was impeded.
634 00:31:06,840 00:31:09,040 - Umpire! - He's got it, Jack. - Umpire! - He's got it, Jack.
635 00:31:09,120 00:31:11,800 - I think we showed them who's boss. - What happened? - I think we showed them who's boss. - What happened?
636 00:31:11,880 00:31:14,640 You impeded me, and you still couldn't win. You impeded me, and you still couldn't win.
637 00:31:14,720 00:31:15,840 Go! Go!
638 00:31:15,920 00:31:18,160 Round two, ute pulling. Round two, ute pulling.
639 00:31:18,240 00:31:19,520 One, two, three. One, two, three.
640 00:31:19,600 00:31:20,920 Pull. Come on, Barney. Pull. Come on, Barney.
641 00:31:21,600 00:31:22,440 I'm trying. I'm trying.
642 00:31:22,800 00:31:24,000 Go, Barney! Go, Barney!
643 00:31:24,760 00:31:26,640 Brew-man, give me some of that. Brew-man, give me some of that.
644 00:31:29,040 00:31:30,600 Oh, fuck! That's whiskey. Oh, fuck! That's whiskey.
645 00:31:32,040 00:31:34,640 Round three, the great Australian tradition: Round three, the great Australian tradition:
646 00:31:34,720 00:31:35,600 drinking! drinking!
647 00:31:36,240 00:31:37,560 -Cheers! -To Australia Day! -Cheers! -To Australia Day!
648 00:31:37,640 00:31:39,240 Jack and Mikey down under! Jack and Mikey down under!
649 00:31:41,280 00:31:44,120 Several drinks later, it was time for the main event. Several drinks later, it was time for the main event.
650 00:31:44,560 00:31:48,280 Okay, ladies and gentlemen, we're about to get on to the chook race here in a minute. Okay, ladies and gentlemen, we're about to get on to the chook race here in a minute.
651 00:31:48,360 00:31:49,480 Could I enter an emu? Could I enter an emu?
652 00:31:49,560 00:31:51,640 -What was that, sorry? -Jack wants to enter an emu. -What was that, sorry? -Jack wants to enter an emu.
653 00:31:51,720 00:31:54,960 -He wants to enter an emu? -No, no, no, not like that. -He wants to enter an emu? -No, no, no, not like that.
654 00:31:55,960 00:31:58,760 Enter an emu into the competition, I should clarify. Enter an emu into the competition, I should clarify.
655 00:31:58,840 00:32:01,360 If you can get an emu in the next five minutes, we'll race him. If you can get an emu in the next five minutes, we'll race him.
656 00:32:02,040 00:32:04,200 The first step in chook racing was to buy the bird The first step in chook racing was to buy the bird
657 00:32:04,280 00:32:06,560 you thought would win the race in an auction. you thought would win the race in an auction.
658 00:32:06,640 00:32:09,320 Then all the money goes into a prize pot for the eventual winner. Then all the money goes into a prize pot for the eventual winner.
659 00:32:09,400 00:32:11,640 Although Daddy is more used to Royal Ascot, Although Daddy is more used to Royal Ascot,
660 00:32:11,720 00:32:15,600 it was time to show our Aussie cousins who the stallion at the track really was. it was time to show our Aussie cousins who the stallion at the track really was.
661 00:32:15,680 00:32:17,520 Go ask the farmer if they're free-range. Go ask the farmer if they're free-range.
662 00:32:17,600 00:32:19,440 Of course they're free-range. Of course they're free-range.
663 00:32:19,520 00:32:23,160 What, you think there's a big battery farming unit here, do you? What, you think there's a big battery farming unit here, do you?
664 00:32:23,240 00:32:25,760 Fine. In which case, I'm happy to participate. Fine. In which case, I'm happy to participate.
665 00:32:26,320 00:32:29,680 When did my son become such a fucking wet blanket? When did my son become such a fucking wet blanket?
666 00:32:30,720 00:32:32,160 -He's all-- -Wet blanket? -He's all-- -Wet blanket?
667 00:32:32,240 00:32:35,080 -You are. -I am an ethical citizen of the world, -You are. -I am an ethical citizen of the world,
668 00:32:35,680 00:32:38,040 who cares about nature and animals. who cares about nature and animals.
669 00:32:38,120 00:32:40,720 Yesterday it was all that rubbish about those animals Yesterday it was all that rubbish about those animals
670 00:32:40,800 00:32:43,080 -that you didn't realize would be killed. -Emus! -that you didn't realize would be killed. -Emus!
671 00:32:43,160 00:32:45,160 What do you think they were doing there? What do you think they were doing there?
672 00:32:45,240 00:32:46,800 -Waiting to be killed. -No. -Waiting to be killed. -No.
673 00:32:46,880 00:32:49,520 You think they were just there for fun and games? You think they were just there for fun and games?
674 00:32:49,600 00:32:52,160 Yes, I thought it might be like an emu holiday camp. Yes, I thought it might be like an emu holiday camp.
675 00:32:52,240 00:32:55,160 -Like Butlin's for emus. -Absolutely ridiculous. -Like Butlin's for emus. -Absolutely ridiculous.
676 00:32:55,680 00:32:58,080 Right-o! The first chook out will be the black chook. Right-o! The first chook out will be the black chook.
677 00:32:58,160 00:33:00,040 We have a little black chook. Look at him go. We have a little black chook. Look at him go.
678 00:33:00,120 00:33:02,320 There goes the black chook. Who's got $20... There goes the black chook. Who's got $20...
679 00:33:02,400 00:33:05,240 You're talking far too quickly. I can't understand a word he's saying. You're talking far too quickly. I can't understand a word he's saying.
680 00:33:05,320 00:33:08,600 Holding at 70. Gone to Zack for $70 to Zack. Holding at 70. Gone to Zack for $70 to Zack.
681 00:33:08,680 00:33:10,640 I'm not sure we wanted that one anyway. I'm not sure we wanted that one anyway.
682 00:33:10,720 00:33:12,240 Ohh! Ohh!
683 00:33:12,320 00:33:14,560 - What? - Everybody likes a big rooster. - What? - Everybody likes a big rooster.
684 00:33:14,640 00:33:16,920 -Hundred and sixty bid. - Should we bid on this one? -Hundred and sixty bid. - Should we bid on this one?
685 00:33:17,000 00:33:18,520 -No. -No, they're trying to run you up. -No. -No, they're trying to run you up.
686 00:33:18,600 00:33:20,000 -Why not? It looks good. -No, don't. -Why not? It looks good. -No, don't.
687 00:33:20,080 00:33:22,800 -What? -Don't bid at all at the moment. -What? -Don't bid at all at the moment.
688 00:33:22,880 00:33:25,480 They're getting rid of all the dross to start with. They're getting rid of all the dross to start with.
689 00:33:25,560 00:33:27,080 -Trust me. -Trust you? -Trust me. -Trust you?
690 00:33:27,160 00:33:29,160 They bring the best ones out at the end. They bring the best ones out at the end.
691 00:33:29,240 00:33:31,840 Since when did you become an expert on chicken auctions? Since when did you become an expert on chicken auctions?
692 00:33:31,920 00:33:34,120 Going to John for 215. Going to John for 215.
693 00:33:34,200 00:33:36,080 Tell you what, see this chook here? Tell you what, see this chook here?
694 00:33:36,160 00:33:38,760 He's carrying no weight, and he's got an orange ribbon. He's carrying no weight, and he's got an orange ribbon.
695 00:33:38,840 00:33:42,040 - We're having that one. -No, we'll wait. We'll wait. - We're having that one. -No, we'll wait. We'll wait.
696 00:33:42,120 00:33:43,960 I think the heat had finally gotten to Daddy. I think the heat had finally gotten to Daddy.
697 00:33:44,040 00:33:45,880 -Start at 110, 110, 110. - Look at it. -Start at 110, 110, 110. - Look at it.
698 00:33:45,960 00:33:48,240 Oh, my God. This is so embarrassing. Oh, my God. This is so embarrassing.
699 00:33:48,320 00:33:50,440 Forty, 250. Forty, 250.
700 00:33:50,520 00:33:52,200 Oh, my God. This is a joke. Oh, my God. This is a joke.
701 00:33:52,280 00:33:53,720 Stop it! Stop it!
702 00:33:53,800 00:33:56,280 -He doesn't even want it. -Daddy, you're getting mugged off. -He doesn't even want it. -Daddy, you're getting mugged off.
703 00:33:56,360 00:33:58,160 They're mugging off the poms. They're mugging off the poms.
704 00:33:58,240 00:33:59,360 Two-hundred-ninety, bid. Two-hundred-ninety, bid.
705 00:33:59,920 00:34:01,840 Three hundred, we got three. Three hundred, we got three.
706 00:34:01,920 00:34:03,760 -Three hundred! -Three hundred! -Three hundred! -Three hundred!
707 00:34:03,840 00:34:05,040 Three hundred dollars, quick! Three hundred dollars, quick!
708 00:34:05,120 00:34:07,560 Gone to Jack and Michael for $300. Gone to Jack and Michael for $300.
709 00:34:09,040 00:34:11,520 -Absolute bargain. -Well done. -Absolute bargain. -Well done.
710 00:34:11,600 00:34:13,480 -Thank you very much. -Three hundred dollars? -Thank you very much. -Three hundred dollars?
711 00:34:13,560 00:34:14,880 Would you like to take it? Would you like to take it?
712 00:34:14,960 00:34:17,120 Give him a kiss for good luck. There it is. Give him a kiss for good luck. There it is.
713 00:34:19,240 00:34:21,520 -I couldn't be for sure... -There's the money. -I couldn't be for sure... -There's the money.
714 00:34:21,600 00:34:23,720 ...but I'm pretty certain it had one wing. ...but I'm pretty certain it had one wing.
715 00:34:23,800 00:34:24,680 No. No.
716 00:34:24,760 00:34:26,760 You pommies, what do you want to call your chook? You pommies, what do you want to call your chook?
717 00:34:26,840 00:34:28,880 -Winston! - Winston. -Winston! - Winston.
718 00:34:28,960 00:34:30,400 Winston, the winner! Winston, the winner!
719 00:34:30,480 00:34:34,280 Yet another Winston to steal my parents' love and inheritance. Yet another Winston to steal my parents' love and inheritance.
720 00:34:34,360 00:34:37,000 It looks like one of those chickens we saw in Chernobyl. It looks like one of those chickens we saw in Chernobyl.
721 00:34:37,440 00:34:38,640 The rules are simple: The rules are simple:
722 00:34:38,720 00:34:41,480 first across the blue outer perimeter line is the winner. first across the blue outer perimeter line is the winner.
723 00:34:41,560 00:34:44,880 For the chicken, it is a test of physicality and mental strength. For the chicken, it is a test of physicality and mental strength.
724 00:34:44,960 00:34:46,240 Everybody ready? Everybody ready?
725 00:34:46,720 00:34:47,760 Yes. Yes.
726 00:34:47,840 00:34:48,920 Away they go. Away they go.
727 00:34:49,400 00:34:51,240 - Go on, Winston. -Come on, Winston. - Go on, Winston. -Come on, Winston.
728 00:34:52,040 00:34:53,840 -Come on. -Come on, Winston. -Come on. -Come on, Winston.
729 00:34:53,920 00:34:55,400 Don't wave at chooks. Don't wave at chooks.
730 00:34:58,040 00:35:00,080 -Go! -Come on, Winston. -Go! -Come on, Winston.
731 00:35:00,640 00:35:02,520 Get out of that one's ass. Just go! Get out of that one's ass. Just go!
732 00:35:02,600 00:35:05,160 -Come on, Winston. -No, Winston. You're going the wrong way! -Come on, Winston. -No, Winston. You're going the wrong way!
733 00:35:05,800 00:35:06,840 Winston! Winston!
734 00:35:07,520 00:35:08,640 Go on, Winston! Go on, Winston!
735 00:35:11,480 00:35:13,240 - Winston. - Yes! - Winston. - Yes!
736 00:35:13,320 00:35:15,200 Daddy only had eyes for Winston, Daddy only had eyes for Winston,
737 00:35:15,280 00:35:18,040 who would be going quicker if he was on a rotisserie. who would be going quicker if he was on a rotisserie.
738 00:35:18,120 00:35:20,480 -Go on, Winston. -No, it's lost. -Go on, Winston. -No, it's lost.
739 00:35:20,560 00:35:21,960 The white one came out here. The white one came out here.
740 00:35:22,040 00:35:22,920 Oh. Oh.
741 00:35:23,960 00:35:25,480 I didn't notice that. I didn't notice that.
742 00:35:25,560 00:35:28,200 -Yeah. -Oh, no. Winston. -Yeah. -Oh, no. Winston.
743 00:35:30,000 00:35:31,200 After an incredible day, After an incredible day,
744 00:35:31,280 00:35:33,720 and with Winston making a mad dash for freedom, and with Winston making a mad dash for freedom,
745 00:35:34,720 00:35:36,840 it was time for us to do the same. it was time for us to do the same.
746 00:35:45,440 00:35:48,120 The next morning, it was time to take on the final chapter The next morning, it was time to take on the final chapter
747 00:35:48,200 00:35:50,000 of our Australian adventure, of our Australian adventure,
748 00:35:50,080 00:35:52,920 as we headed from the coast deep into the unknown, as we headed from the coast deep into the unknown,
749 00:35:53,000 00:35:54,360 the great Aussie outback. the great Aussie outback.
750 00:35:55,400 00:35:59,080 We were headed for Uluru, 2,000 miles west in Australia's red center, We were headed for Uluru, 2,000 miles west in Australia's red center,
751 00:35:59,160 00:36:01,200 to find some of the real Australia. to find some of the real Australia.
752 00:36:01,720 00:36:03,240 It's an arduous journey It's an arduous journey
753 00:36:03,320 00:36:05,760 through a land full of things that could kill you. through a land full of things that could kill you.
754 00:36:06,240 00:36:09,840 But what this long and tortuous journey would be good for is catching up. But what this long and tortuous journey would be good for is catching up.
755 00:36:11,440 00:36:13,200 What is that you're playing with? What is that you're playing with?
756 00:36:13,280 00:36:17,880 This is one of the crown jewels of Australian culture: the goon sack. This is one of the crown jewels of Australian culture: the goon sack.
757 00:36:18,400 00:36:19,840 Boxed wine in a sack. Boxed wine in a sack.
758 00:36:19,920 00:36:23,920 I've taken it out of the wine box so that I can drink it more readily. I've taken it out of the wine box so that I can drink it more readily.
759 00:36:26,840 00:36:29,440 Ohh, that was good. Little bit warm. Ohh, that was good. Little bit warm.
760 00:36:29,520 00:36:34,240 I've taught you about all the best red wines and white wines in the world. I've taught you about all the best red wines and white wines in the world.
761 00:36:34,320 00:36:39,560 And here you are, necking back a lot of rubbish in a bag. And here you are, necking back a lot of rubbish in a bag.
762 00:36:39,640 00:36:42,840 This is a traditional Australian goon sack, This is a traditional Australian goon sack,
763 00:36:42,920 00:36:46,040 and I am sampling traditional Australian culture. and I am sampling traditional Australian culture.
764 00:36:46,120 00:36:48,880 Therefore I will not be drinking out of a bottle whilst I'm here. Therefore I will not be drinking out of a bottle whilst I'm here.
765 00:36:48,960 00:36:50,600 I will be sucking it out of a sack. I will be sucking it out of a sack.
766 00:36:51,200 00:36:52,480 My bosom of wine. My bosom of wine.
767 00:36:56,160 00:36:58,160 Look, Daddy. Hands free! Look, Daddy. Hands free!
768 00:36:58,960 00:37:02,480 Do you have any idea of how much of a complete dick you look? Do you have any idea of how much of a complete dick you look?
769 00:37:02,560 00:37:04,960 You should be encouraging your son's ingenuity. You should be encouraging your son's ingenuity.
770 00:37:05,560 00:37:08,160 Look what I've done. I've managed to attach a goon sack to this Look what I've done. I've managed to attach a goon sack to this
771 00:37:08,240 00:37:10,240 -so that I have a goon sack drip. -Well done. Great. -so that I have a goon sack drip. -Well done. Great.
772 00:37:10,320 00:37:13,040 So that I can drink wine hands-free on this journey. So that I can drink wine hands-free on this journey.
773 00:37:16,880 00:37:17,960 It broke. It broke.
774 00:37:25,840 00:37:29,040 And a few hours later, we were still bloody driving. And a few hours later, we were still bloody driving.
775 00:37:30,040 00:37:32,960 I was thinking, this trip, we should finally get tattoos. I was thinking, this trip, we should finally get tattoos.
776 00:37:33,440 00:37:34,840 No way. No way.
777 00:37:35,240 00:37:39,040 Also, I'm having a strict no-tattoos policy at the wedding. Also, I'm having a strict no-tattoos policy at the wedding.
778 00:37:39,120 00:37:41,440 In which case, Molly won't be at her own wedding. In which case, Molly won't be at her own wedding.
779 00:37:41,520 00:37:44,680 What, you're suggesting that Molly has a tattoo? What, you're suggesting that Molly has a tattoo?
780 00:37:44,760 00:37:47,840 -You must be joking. -You must have seen the back of her neck. -You must be joking. -You must have seen the back of her neck.
781 00:37:47,920 00:37:52,680 I don't recall precisely when I last saw the back of Molly's neck, I don't recall precisely when I last saw the back of Molly's neck,
782 00:37:52,760 00:37:55,080 but obviously I've seen the back of it many times. but obviously I've seen the back of it many times.
783 00:37:55,160 00:37:58,920 Have you seen it since she went on holiday with her friend Sess to New York? Have you seen it since she went on holiday with her friend Sess to New York?
784 00:37:59,480 00:38:01,240 I don't know, possibly. I don't know, possibly.
785 00:38:03,320 00:38:05,800 Possibly not, I don't know. Why? Possibly not, I don't know. Why?
786 00:38:05,880 00:38:07,280 Your daughter has a tattoo. Your daughter has a tattoo.
787 00:38:07,360 00:38:08,720 -She does not. -She does! -She does not. -She does!
788 00:38:08,800 00:38:11,200 She's got a small triangle on the back of her neck that she got She's got a small triangle on the back of her neck that she got
789 00:38:11,280 00:38:13,400 when she went to New York, like, five years ago. when she went to New York, like, five years ago.
790 00:38:13,480 00:38:15,040 -I don't believe it. -She does. -I don't believe it. -She does.
791 00:38:15,120 00:38:17,000 -I don't believe it. -Why would I make that up? -I don't believe it. -Why would I make that up?
792 00:38:17,080 00:38:19,600 -'Cause you're just trying to wind me up. -I'm not. -'Cause you're just trying to wind me up. -I'm not.
793 00:38:20,080 00:38:23,360 Molly, holier than thou, the favorite child, Molly, holier than thou, the favorite child,
794 00:38:23,920 00:38:26,040 getting married, can do no wrong. getting married, can do no wrong.
795 00:38:26,120 00:38:29,600 Tattoo. Neck tattoo like she's in a women's prison. Tattoo. Neck tattoo like she's in a women's prison.
796 00:38:31,480 00:38:32,640 She doesn't. She doesn't.
797 00:38:32,720 00:38:33,600 She does. She does.
798 00:38:40,720 00:38:43,280 Right. I need to stretch my legs. Right. I need to stretch my legs.
799 00:38:43,960 00:38:46,840 This would be a good time for you to have a wee, Jack. This would be a good time for you to have a wee, Jack.
800 00:38:46,920 00:38:48,480 I'm not five, Daddy. I'm not five, Daddy.
801 00:39:00,240 00:39:02,400 - It's like being on Mars. - It's like being on Mars.
802 00:39:03,280 00:39:04,760 Absolutely drained. Absolutely drained.
803 00:39:05,720 00:39:07,720 Don't you think it's like being on Mars? Don't you think it's like being on Mars?
804 00:39:08,200 00:39:09,680 It is very strange. It is very strange.
805 00:39:10,360 00:39:12,280 What do you think the story with that is? What do you think the story with that is?
806 00:39:12,360 00:39:14,560 Do you think that was a father and son? Do you think that was a father and son?
807 00:39:14,640 00:39:16,440 The father lost patience and then... The father lost patience and then...
808 00:39:17,000 00:39:18,840 These damn flies too! These damn flies too!
809 00:39:18,920 00:39:21,400 -Do you want some goon sack? -You're not getting that out again. -Do you want some goon sack? -You're not getting that out again.
810 00:39:21,480 00:39:22,920 -What? -No. -What? -No.
811 00:39:23,000 00:39:25,480 -You love wine. Just have some goon sack. -No, I do not. -You love wine. Just have some goon sack. -No, I do not.
812 00:39:25,560 00:39:27,520 I love wine, and that is not wine. I love wine, and that is not wine.
813 00:39:27,600 00:39:29,600 -Just have a bit of goon sack. -No. I don't want any. -Just have a bit of goon sack. -No. I don't want any.
814 00:39:29,680 00:39:31,880 -Have it. Daddy, come on. -No! I do not want any. -Have it. Daddy, come on. -No! I do not want any.
815 00:39:31,960 00:39:33,200 You'll cheer up if you have You'll cheer up if you have
816 00:39:33,280 00:39:35,920 -just a bit of goon sack. -I would not cheer up -just a bit of goon sack. -I would not cheer up
817 00:39:36,000 00:39:39,840 by drinking some disgusting Australian wine by drinking some disgusting Australian wine
818 00:39:39,920 00:39:42,640 -from a bag. -Come and have a little bit of goon sack, -from a bag. -Come and have a little bit of goon sack,
819 00:39:42,720 00:39:46,240 -then we'll continue with the ride. Daddy! -No! I'm not having it. -then we'll continue with the ride. Daddy! -No! I'm not having it.
820 00:39:46,320 00:39:47,600 -No! -You love wine. -No! -You love wine.
821 00:39:47,680 00:39:49,320 No. I have said no. No. I have said no.
822 00:39:49,400 00:39:53,360 I do not love Australian wine out of a sack. I do not love Australian wine out of a sack.
823 00:39:53,440 00:39:55,560 -Daddy, just try it! -No! No! -Daddy, just try it! -No! No!
824 00:39:55,640 00:40:00,120 -We're in Australia! -I have said no, no, no! -We're in Australia! -I have said no, no, no!
825 00:40:07,480 00:40:08,480 Ahh. Ahh.
826 00:40:09,520 00:40:10,440 Oh, that's good. Oh, that's good.
827 00:40:11,680 00:40:12,680 You're missing out. You're missing out.
828 00:40:17,200 00:40:18,480 I need to pee. I need to pee.
829 00:40:18,560 00:40:21,680 I knew you would. It's drinking all that shit. I knew you would. It's drinking all that shit.
830 00:40:28,400 00:40:30,520 And after what felt like countless days And after what felt like countless days
831 00:40:30,600 00:40:32,480 driving through an unchanging landscape, driving through an unchanging landscape,
832 00:40:33,920 00:40:36,440 without any idea of what might lay ahead for us, without any idea of what might lay ahead for us,
833 00:40:36,520 00:40:38,520 we had arrived at our destination... we had arrived at our destination...
834 00:40:41,520 00:40:44,520 Uluru, also known as Ayers Rock. Uluru, also known as Ayers Rock.
835 00:40:44,600 00:40:48,400 It is a sacred site to the local Anangu indigenous Australians, It is a sacred site to the local Anangu indigenous Australians,
836 00:40:48,480 00:40:51,160 and is thought to be over 500 million years old. and is thought to be over 500 million years old.
837 00:40:51,600 00:40:53,320 Tourists come from all over the world Tourists come from all over the world
838 00:40:53,400 00:40:56,800 to make this pilgrimage to the UNESCO World Heritage site. to make this pilgrimage to the UNESCO World Heritage site.
839 00:40:56,880 00:40:57,760 There it is. There it is.
840 00:40:59,040 00:40:59,880 Wow. Wow.
841 00:41:01,320 00:41:04,720 Wow! Come on, Daddy. It's incredible. Wow! Come on, Daddy. It's incredible.
842 00:41:05,320 00:41:09,680 The way it just rises out of the landscape. The way it just rises out of the landscape.
843 00:41:10,600 00:41:14,120 The sheer majesty of its scale. The sheer majesty of its scale.
844 00:41:20,320 00:41:22,480 You know what I think it looks like? You know what I think it looks like?
845 00:41:23,840 00:41:24,720 A Viennetta. A Viennetta.
846 00:41:27,240 00:41:30,440 I can't believe we're going all this way to see some rock. I can't believe we're going all this way to see some rock.
847 00:41:30,520 00:41:31,840 It's the rock. It's the rock.
848 00:41:31,920 00:41:34,440 It's the most famous rock in the world. It's the most famous rock in the world.
849 00:41:34,520 00:41:36,440 You can't come to Australia and not go to Uluru. You can't come to Australia and not go to Uluru.
850 00:41:36,520 00:41:39,640 Is it more famous than your friend, the actor? Is it more famous than your friend, the actor?
851 00:41:39,720 00:41:40,840 No, it's a different-- No, it's a different--
852 00:41:40,920 00:41:43,040 Right, so it's the second-most-famous rock. Right, so it's the second-most-famous rock.
853 00:41:43,120 00:41:44,360 Okay. Second-most-famous rock Okay. Second-most-famous rock
854 00:41:44,440 00:41:45,920 -after Dwayne Johnson. -Yes. -after Dwayne Johnson. -Yes.
855 00:41:51,840 00:41:55,200 To rest our weary bodies, Daddy had booked us into a desert campsite To rest our weary bodies, Daddy had booked us into a desert campsite
856 00:41:55,280 00:41:57,880 he had been recommended called Longitude 131. he had been recommended called Longitude 131.
857 00:41:59,000 00:42:00,160 Very nice. Very nice.
858 00:42:00,240 00:42:02,360 -Hi, there. -Hello. Little bit of air-con. -Hi, there. -Hello. Little bit of air-con.
859 00:42:02,440 00:42:05,360 -Some refreshing towels for you. -I'm fine, thank you. -Some refreshing towels for you. -I'm fine, thank you.
860 00:42:05,440 00:42:07,760 Here we have our lovely reception area. Here we have our lovely reception area.
861 00:42:07,840 00:42:10,120 -Very nice. Some nice stuff in here. -Yeah. -Very nice. Some nice stuff in here. -Yeah.
862 00:42:10,200 00:42:12,320 -There is some gorgeous stuff in there. -Yeah. -There is some gorgeous stuff in there. -Yeah.
863 00:42:12,400 00:42:14,680 Then following on, we do have our restaurant Then following on, we do have our restaurant
864 00:42:14,760 00:42:16,720 and also our open bar area. and also our open bar area.
865 00:42:17,960 00:42:20,080 Daddy, do you want a cold towel for your face? Daddy, do you want a cold towel for your face?
866 00:42:20,160 00:42:22,280 -This is nice. -Daddy, cold towel for your face? -This is nice. -Daddy, cold towel for your face?
867 00:42:22,360 00:42:23,280 Very refreshing. Very refreshing.
868 00:42:23,360 00:42:24,760 -No. I don't want that. -Daddy! -No. I don't want that. -Daddy!
869 00:42:24,840 00:42:26,200 No. Go away. No. Go away.
870 00:42:27,960 00:42:30,880 It's so nice. I thought we were meant to be camping. It's so nice. I thought we were meant to be camping.
871 00:42:31,280 00:42:33,120 I said glamping. I said glamping.
872 00:42:33,200 00:42:35,400 You know, glamorous camping. You know, glamorous camping.
873 00:42:35,480 00:42:38,200 Yeah, I know what glamping is. I'm not a glidiot. Yeah, I know what glamping is. I'm not a glidiot.
874 00:42:39,440 00:42:40,680 What do you think? What do you think?
875 00:42:40,760 00:42:44,000 I think this is the bougiest campsite I have ever been on. I think this is the bougiest campsite I have ever been on.
876 00:42:45,560 00:42:46,680 Thank you. Thank you.
877 00:42:48,120 00:42:50,360 Why, there you are. Tent. Why, there you are. Tent.
878 00:42:51,320 00:42:54,640 - I told you. Trust me. Trust me. -Yeah... - I told you. Trust me. Trust me. -Yeah...
879 00:42:54,720 00:42:57,160 Wow, this is a pretty good view. Wow, this is a pretty good view.
880 00:42:57,240 00:42:59,440 - Yeah. - So, one bed? - Yeah. - So, one bed?
881 00:42:59,520 00:43:02,680 Yeah, cause we've got an Australian swag to roll out outside Yeah, cause we've got an Australian swag to roll out outside
882 00:43:02,760 00:43:05,760 -so you can sleep under the stars. -Nice! Sleep under the stars? -so you can sleep under the stars. -Nice! Sleep under the stars?
883 00:43:05,840 00:43:07,640 What is a swag? What is a swag?
884 00:43:07,720 00:43:10,720 Basically like an Australian sleeping bag for outdoor use. Basically like an Australian sleeping bag for outdoor use.
885 00:43:11,480 00:43:13,600 If you're comfortable, I'll let you settle in. If you're comfortable, I'll let you settle in.
886 00:43:13,680 00:43:15,680 -I'll leave the key here. You're welcome. -Thank you. -I'll leave the key here. You're welcome. -Thank you.
887 00:43:15,760 00:43:17,200 Thank you very much. Bye. Thank you very much. Bye.
888 00:43:19,360 00:43:20,200 Nice girl. Nice girl.
889 00:43:20,680 00:43:23,960 - So what do you think? -I mean, it's pretty spectacular. - So what do you think? -I mean, it's pretty spectacular.
890 00:43:24,320 00:43:26,120 I thought this was gonna be us... I thought this was gonna be us...
891 00:43:26,200 00:43:30,040 coming here to Uluru and experiencing indigenous culture. coming here to Uluru and experiencing indigenous culture.
892 00:43:30,840 00:43:32,720 Feels a little first world. Feels a little first world.
893 00:43:32,800 00:43:34,200 Okay. Well, we're here now. Okay. Well, we're here now.
894 00:43:34,280 00:43:36,640 -I'm not moving out of here at the moment. -Okay, we'll stay. -I'm not moving out of here at the moment. -Okay, we'll stay.
895 00:43:36,720 00:43:39,320 I paid a lot of money to get this room for you. I paid a lot of money to get this room for you.
896 00:43:39,960 00:43:42,440 - This tent. -What do you think of this amazing view - This tent. -What do you think of this amazing view
897 00:43:42,520 00:43:44,840 -of Ayers Rock? - Not called Ayers Rock. -of Ayers Rock? - Not called Ayers Rock.
898 00:43:45,320 00:43:46,440 -What? - Uluru. -What? - Uluru.
899 00:43:47,160 00:43:48,480 -Is it called Uluru? - Yeah. -Is it called Uluru? - Yeah.
900 00:43:48,560 00:43:51,640 Ayers Rock was the name a white guy gave it when he discovered it. Ayers Rock was the name a white guy gave it when he discovered it.
901 00:43:52,040 00:43:54,040 - Right. -Even though it had been discovered - Right. -Even though it had been discovered
902 00:43:54,120 00:43:56,480 for thousands of years by the indigenous people. for thousands of years by the indigenous people.
903 00:44:02,760 00:44:05,840 I wanted Daddy to understand why Uluru is such a sacred place, I wanted Daddy to understand why Uluru is such a sacred place,
904 00:44:05,920 00:44:09,280 so I'd found the perfect person, a local ranger called Leroy. so I'd found the perfect person, a local ranger called Leroy.
905 00:44:09,960 00:44:11,640 -Hello. -How are you, sir? -Hello. -How are you, sir?
906 00:44:11,720 00:44:12,840 How are you? Jack. How are you? Jack.
907 00:44:12,920 00:44:16,600 -Leroy. How do you do? Nice to meet you. -How are you, gentlemen? -Leroy. How do you do? Nice to meet you. -How are you, gentlemen?
908 00:44:16,680 00:44:19,600 Although Leroy was used to the volume of flies out here, Although Leroy was used to the volume of flies out here,
909 00:44:19,680 00:44:22,240 we'd picked up some of the latest desert headwear. we'd picked up some of the latest desert headwear.
910 00:44:24,120 00:44:27,280 Maybe you could tell us a little bit about the significance of this place. Maybe you could tell us a little bit about the significance of this place.
911 00:44:27,360 00:44:28,720 It's a meeting place. It's a meeting place.
912 00:44:29,440 00:44:31,200 That's what makes it a sacred site. That's what makes it a sacred site.
913 00:44:31,560 00:44:32,400 Yeah. Yeah.
914 00:44:32,480 00:44:36,080 -Many ancestral beings met here. -Yeah. Yeah. -Many ancestral beings met here. -Yeah. Yeah.
915 00:44:38,280 00:44:40,200 Very, very spiritually powerful. Very, very spiritually powerful.
916 00:44:40,280 00:44:43,880 People say Tibetans got a link to this joint in their culture. People say Tibetans got a link to this joint in their culture.
917 00:44:43,960 00:44:45,280 - Really? - Yeah. - Really? - Yeah.
918 00:44:45,360 00:44:48,240 They know of this place. Dalai Lama's come here a couple of times. They know of this place. Dalai Lama's come here a couple of times.
919 00:44:48,320 00:44:49,560 - Has he? - Yeah. - Has he? - Yeah.
920 00:44:49,640 00:44:52,080 -So it's a very special place. -Yeah. -So it's a very special place. -Yeah.
921 00:44:52,160 00:44:53,960 -Meeting place. -Yeah. -Meeting place. -Yeah.
922 00:44:54,040 00:44:57,360 So, I guess the British equivalent of this place would be the pub. So, I guess the British equivalent of this place would be the pub.
923 00:44:57,440 00:44:59,760 -That's our meeting place. -Yeah. -That's our meeting place. -Yeah.
924 00:44:59,840 00:45:02,760 I was thinking a lot more on the lines of Stonehenge. I was thinking a lot more on the lines of Stonehenge.
925 00:45:02,840 00:45:04,760 Oh, yeah. Stonehenge, that's better. Oh, yeah. Stonehenge, that's better.
926 00:45:04,840 00:45:07,360 -Spiritual, cultural. -Yeah, that's more spiritual. -Spiritual, cultural. -Yeah, that's more spiritual.
927 00:45:07,440 00:45:09,640 There's nothing spiritual about the pub. There's nothing spiritual about the pub.
928 00:45:11,520 00:45:14,760 I notice you have a very impressive display. I notice you have a very impressive display.
929 00:45:14,840 00:45:17,560 Yeah, some tools here. Some men's weaponry here. Yeah, some tools here. Some men's weaponry here.
930 00:45:17,640 00:45:18,720 This one, I recognize. This one, I recognize.
931 00:45:18,800 00:45:20,280 -Yeah. -This one we know about. -Yeah. -This one we know about.
932 00:45:20,360 00:45:21,880 -That's a hunting boomerang. -Is it? -That's a hunting boomerang. -Is it?
933 00:45:21,960 00:45:24,920 What's the difference-- Is there a non-hunting, like a... What's the difference-- Is there a non-hunting, like a...
934 00:45:25,000 00:45:26,440 There's a returning boomerang. There's a returning boomerang.
935 00:45:26,520 00:45:28,960 A returning boomerang? That's the only boomerang I know about. A returning boomerang? That's the only boomerang I know about.
936 00:45:29,040 00:45:33,000 -You throw it and it comes back. -It's recreational. It's a kid's toy. -You throw it and it comes back. -It's recreational. It's a kid's toy.
937 00:45:33,080 00:45:35,440 -A kid's toy? Yeah. -The returning one. -A kid's toy? Yeah. -The returning one.
938 00:45:35,520 00:45:38,080 And what is this over there I can see? And what is this over there I can see?
939 00:45:38,160 00:45:41,560 That's all you need to survive in the middle of the Australian desert. That's all you need to survive in the middle of the Australian desert.
940 00:45:41,640 00:45:43,040 -That? -That. -That? -That.
941 00:45:43,120 00:45:44,760 Have you got an iPhone in there? Have you got an iPhone in there?
942 00:45:45,440 00:45:46,360 -No. -No.
943 00:45:46,440 00:45:48,360 That's a water carrier for carrying pots. That's a water carrier for carrying pots.
944 00:45:48,440 00:45:50,160 Could we try balancing that? Could we try balancing that?
945 00:45:50,240 00:45:52,160 I think when you say "we," Jack, I think when you say "we," Jack,
946 00:45:52,240 00:45:54,800 that's probably more your department than mine. that's probably more your department than mine.
947 00:45:55,160 00:45:56,560 Yeah. Yeah.
948 00:45:57,600 00:45:59,640 See how he'll be carrying the water? See how he'll be carrying the water?
949 00:45:59,880 00:46:01,200 Hat on there. Hat on there.
950 00:46:01,280 00:46:03,200 - Be getting a sore neck. -Yeah. - Be getting a sore neck. -Yeah.
951 00:46:04,480 00:46:07,280 -That's a water carrier... -It's very you, I'd say that. -That's a water carrier... -It's very you, I'd say that.
952 00:46:07,360 00:46:08,800 What's it called, that? What's it called, that?
953 00:46:08,880 00:46:11,000 Piti, P-I-T-I. Piti. Piti, P-I-T-I. Piti.
954 00:46:11,080 00:46:12,520 Piti means hole. Piti means hole.
955 00:46:12,600 00:46:13,480 Portable hole. Portable hole.
956 00:46:13,560 00:46:16,120 - Portable asshole, even. - Portable asshole, even.
957 00:46:16,200 00:46:17,680 -No, that's-- -Leroy! -No, that's-- -Leroy!
958 00:46:17,760 00:46:20,640 -Sorry. No, no. Um... -Please don't encourage him. -Sorry. No, no. Um... -Please don't encourage him.
959 00:46:21,080 00:46:22,400 -Oh! -Sorry. -Oh! -Sorry.
960 00:46:24,360 00:46:27,280 So, I'm right in saying that the elders in your community are... So, I'm right in saying that the elders in your community are...
961 00:46:27,360 00:46:29,520 very well looked after and really respected? very well looked after and really respected?
962 00:46:29,600 00:46:30,680 Yeah. Yeah.
963 00:46:30,760 00:46:32,760 Would I be able to leave him with you? Would I be able to leave him with you?
964 00:46:34,560 00:46:35,960 Could I leave you my elder? Could I leave you my elder?
965 00:46:36,520 00:46:38,400 'Cause he's always saying he doesn't get respect. 'Cause he's always saying he doesn't get respect.
966 00:46:38,480 00:46:42,360 Can you believe this boy is trying to get rid of his old father? Can you believe this boy is trying to get rid of his old father?
967 00:46:42,440 00:46:43,680 -No. -Yeah, you are. -No. -Yeah, you are.
968 00:46:43,760 00:46:47,120 First couple of weeks might be hard, but you'd adjust. First couple of weeks might be hard, but you'd adjust.
969 00:46:47,680 00:46:50,880 Well, Leroy. It's been very nice hanging out with you. Well, Leroy. It's been very nice hanging out with you.
970 00:46:50,960 00:46:52,360 -Thank you. -Thank you, sir. -Thank you. -Thank you, sir.
971 00:46:52,440 00:46:54,200 Thank you, sir. Very good to meet you. Thank you, sir. Very good to meet you.
972 00:46:58,880 00:47:01,720 After a long day, it was time for some local bush tucker. After a long day, it was time for some local bush tucker.
973 00:47:02,320 00:47:05,560 Sounds of Silence is a beautiful, alfresco dining experience Sounds of Silence is a beautiful, alfresco dining experience
974 00:47:05,640 00:47:07,600 where, as well as dining in front of Uluru, where, as well as dining in front of Uluru,
975 00:47:07,680 00:47:11,800 as the sun sets a unique art installation called the Field of Light comes alive. as the sun sets a unique art installation called the Field of Light comes alive.
976 00:47:12,440 00:47:16,360 Not many dining experiences on the planet are this ethereal or serene. Not many dining experiences on the planet are this ethereal or serene.
977 00:47:17,320 00:47:19,320 -This is beautiful. -This is beautiful.
978 00:47:19,800 00:47:22,400 - These flies! It's unbelievable! - These flies! It's unbelievable!
979 00:47:22,480 00:47:23,640 -Just be zen. -What? -Just be zen. -What?
980 00:47:23,720 00:47:25,400 -Just be zen. -What does "zen" mean? -Just be zen. -What does "zen" mean?
981 00:47:25,480 00:47:26,760 Zen, just chilled, okay? Zen, just chilled, okay?
982 00:47:26,840 00:47:29,240 I'm perfectly chilled. I just don't like flies. I'm perfectly chilled. I just don't like flies.
983 00:47:29,640 00:47:32,240 Who knows Australia is so full of flies? Who knows Australia is so full of flies?
984 00:47:32,960 00:47:35,640 They all come here, obviously, from around the world. They all come here, obviously, from around the world.
985 00:47:35,720 00:47:37,640 -All ended up in Australia. -Yeah. -All ended up in Australia. -Yeah.
986 00:47:38,160 00:47:40,960 -Unbelievable. -Maybe they've mistaken you for a corpse. -Unbelievable. -Maybe they've mistaken you for a corpse.
987 00:47:50,640 00:47:52,400 God, we're not gonna have that all night. God, we're not gonna have that all night.
988 00:47:52,480 00:47:54,440 Shh! Daddy. Please. Shh! Daddy. Please.
989 00:47:54,520 00:47:57,920 It's traditional Australian music. Just... enjoy it. It's traditional Australian music. Just... enjoy it.
990 00:48:07,560 00:48:08,840 Sorry to interrupt. Sorry to interrupt.
991 00:48:09,720 00:48:12,320 Just wondering if we know what we'd like to order. Just wondering if we know what we'd like to order.
992 00:48:12,400 00:48:14,480 I could give you a bit of a rundown on the menu. I could give you a bit of a rundown on the menu.
993 00:48:14,560 00:48:16,560 -Yeah. -We've got some kangaroo risoni, -Yeah. -We've got some kangaroo risoni,
994 00:48:16,920 00:48:20,040 some lamb cutlets with some vegetables, a cauliflower steak. some lamb cutlets with some vegetables, a cauliflower steak.
995 00:48:20,440 00:48:22,600 We've also got some Wagyu beef and some tuna fish. We've also got some Wagyu beef and some tuna fish.
996 00:48:22,680 00:48:25,160 You don't by any chance have any Welsh lamb, do you? You don't by any chance have any Welsh lamb, do you?
997 00:48:25,240 00:48:26,920 -It's from New South Wales. -Close enough. -It's from New South Wales. -Close enough.
998 00:48:27,000 00:48:29,840 -Okay, well, I'll have that then. -Okay, and for you? -Okay, well, I'll have that then. -Okay, and for you?
999 00:48:30,400 00:48:32,760 -The cauliflower steak, is that vegan? -Yes. -The cauliflower steak, is that vegan? -Yes.
1000 00:48:32,840 00:48:34,760 -Okay, I'm gonna have the cauliflower. -Beautiful. -Okay, I'm gonna have the cauliflower. -Beautiful.
1001 00:48:34,840 00:48:36,120 -Thank you. -Thank you very much. -Thank you. -Thank you very much.
1002 00:48:36,200 00:48:37,440 What do you mean, "vegan"? What do you mean, "vegan"?
1003 00:48:37,520 00:48:39,520 From now on, it's gonna be vegan for me. From now on, it's gonna be vegan for me.
1004 00:48:40,800 00:48:42,840 Beans, pulses... Beans, pulses...
1005 00:48:43,560 00:48:45,720 quinoa, chickpeas. quinoa, chickpeas.
1006 00:48:46,080 00:48:49,040 Oh, God. That's what you're gonna eat all the time? Oh, God. That's what you're gonna eat all the time?
1007 00:48:49,120 00:48:52,240 You'll be on the shitter all the time. You will! You'll be on the shitter all the time. You will!
1008 00:48:52,320 00:48:54,280 Well, that is the cross that I'll have to bear. Well, that is the cross that I'll have to bear.
1009 00:48:54,360 00:48:57,400 Well, I certainly won't be sitting next to you on the plane. Well, I certainly won't be sitting next to you on the plane.
1010 00:48:57,480 00:48:58,800 Or behind you. Or behind you.
1011 00:49:02,240 00:49:03,680 Your rabbit food's here. Your rabbit food's here.
1012 00:49:04,760 00:49:06,560 And my proper food. And my proper food.
1013 00:49:06,640 00:49:08,000 Thank you. Thank you.
1014 00:49:08,080 00:49:10,200 This is proper food. This is a steak. This is proper food. This is a steak.
1015 00:49:10,760 00:49:13,560 -It's not a steak. It's cauliflower. -It is. It's a cauliflower steak. -It's not a steak. It's cauliflower. -It is. It's a cauliflower steak.
1016 00:49:13,640 00:49:14,880 Looks delicious. Looks delicious.
1017 00:49:14,960 00:49:16,520 This is a proper dinner here. This is a proper dinner here.
1018 00:49:17,000 00:49:17,920 Nice chops. Nice chops.
1019 00:49:18,000 00:49:22,000 How can you use the word "steak" attached to cauliflower? How can you use the word "steak" attached to cauliflower?
1020 00:49:22,080 00:49:24,480 -You can. -It's rather contrary though. -You can. -It's rather contrary though.
1021 00:49:24,560 00:49:28,480 -No, it's a medium-rare cauliflower steak. -Don't be ridiculous. -No, it's a medium-rare cauliflower steak. -Don't be ridiculous.
1022 00:49:28,560 00:49:30,680 "Medium-rare cauliflower"? "Medium-rare cauliflower"?
1023 00:49:30,760 00:49:34,000 Yes, look. That's just the way I like it, little bit of white in the middle. Yes, look. That's just the way I like it, little bit of white in the middle.
1024 00:49:35,720 00:49:37,880 I should probably get a glass of red wine with this. I should probably get a glass of red wine with this.
1025 00:49:38,640 00:49:39,960 Goes very well with steak. Goes very well with steak.
1026 00:49:42,120 00:49:43,320 Aren't those beautiful? Aren't those beautiful?
1027 00:49:43,400 00:49:44,600 - What? -Those lights. - What? -Those lights.
1028 00:49:44,680 00:49:47,480 What, the car ones coming along here? What, the car ones coming along here?
1029 00:49:47,560 00:49:49,480 No, not the hazard lights. No, not the hazard lights.
1030 00:49:49,560 00:49:51,320 The Field of Light behind it. The Field of Light behind it.
1031 00:49:54,240 00:49:57,560 Artist Bruce Munro was inspired to create the Field of Light Artist Bruce Munro was inspired to create the Field of Light
1032 00:49:57,640 00:49:59,520 when camping nearby in his youth. when camping nearby in his youth.
1033 00:49:59,600 00:50:03,840 The installation consists of over 50,000 solar-powered flower-like lamps The installation consists of over 50,000 solar-powered flower-like lamps
1034 00:50:03,920 00:50:05,920 that illuminate the desert at night. that illuminate the desert at night.
1035 00:50:08,240 00:50:09,600 Ah, thank you. Ah, thank you.
1036 00:50:10,160 00:50:13,480 It's very light, this wine, this Australian wine. Have you noticed? It's very light, this wine, this Australian wine. Have you noticed?
1037 00:50:13,720 00:50:15,240 -Fuck off! -Fuck off!
1038 00:50:15,320 00:50:17,160 Daddy! Sorry. Daddy! Sorry.
1039 00:50:17,240 00:50:20,120 -It's a fly. -These flies. You tell me the flies... -It's a fly. -These flies. You tell me the flies...
1040 00:50:21,720 00:50:23,040 Thank you so much. Thank you so much.
1041 00:50:23,120 00:50:25,040 Don't shout "fuck off" when someone's-- Don't shout "fuck off" when someone's--
1042 00:50:25,120 00:50:27,680 -I wasn't saying "fuck off" to her. -She doesn't know it was a fly. -I wasn't saying "fuck off" to her. -She doesn't know it was a fly.
1043 00:50:27,760 00:50:29,840 She couldn't see. She thought you told her to fuck off. She couldn't see. She thought you told her to fuck off.
1044 00:50:29,920 00:50:31,440 As if I would. As if I would.
1045 00:50:33,000 00:50:34,600 There gonna be champagne at the wedding? There gonna be champagne at the wedding?
1046 00:50:34,680 00:50:35,800 -Of course. -Of course.
1047 00:50:35,880 00:50:37,560 -Oh, my God! -What? -Oh, my God! -What?
1048 00:50:37,640 00:50:39,560 -What the fuck is that? -What is that? -What the fuck is that? -What is that?
1049 00:50:39,840 00:50:40,800 I'll flick it. I'll flick it.
1050 00:50:40,880 00:50:43,360 -No, Daddy. Be careful with-- -Fuck off. -No, Daddy. Be careful with-- -Fuck off.
1051 00:50:43,760 00:50:45,400 All right. Just got rid of that. All right. Just got rid of that.
1052 00:50:45,480 00:50:46,760 Now, where were we? Now, where were we?
1053 00:50:46,840 00:50:49,800 -That is a living creature. -It is not. It's some bug. -That is a living creature. -It is not. It's some bug.
1054 00:50:49,880 00:50:50,880 Well, it's not now. Well, it's not now.
1055 00:50:50,960 00:50:54,320 No. It's a dead bug, and previously it was a bug. No. It's a dead bug, and previously it was a bug.
1056 00:50:55,120 00:50:58,880 By the way, I've had another thought about what I might say for my speech. By the way, I've had another thought about what I might say for my speech.
1057 00:50:58,960 00:50:59,960 Oh, God. Oh, God.
1058 00:51:00,040 00:51:02,200 What is it this time? Just get it over with. What is it this time? Just get it over with.
1059 00:51:02,280 00:51:04,000 -What do you mean? -Say the terrible joke. -What do you mean? -Say the terrible joke.
1060 00:51:04,080 00:51:07,240 No, there are no jokes. I'm just talking about Molly. No, there are no jokes. I'm just talking about Molly.
1061 00:51:07,800 00:51:10,480 You don't realize how important Molly is to me. You don't realize how important Molly is to me.
1062 00:51:11,120 00:51:14,000 Molly is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Molly is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
1063 00:51:14,800 00:51:16,120 After your mother. After your mother.
1064 00:51:16,200 00:51:18,440 She is incredible. She is incredible.
1065 00:51:18,880 00:51:20,720 I absolutely adore her. I absolutely adore her.
1066 00:51:20,800 00:51:24,440 She's clever. She's beautiful. She's intelligent. She's clever. She's beautiful. She's intelligent.
1067 00:51:24,520 00:51:27,040 Everything about her is perfect for me, Everything about her is perfect for me,
1068 00:51:27,120 00:51:30,920 and she's finally found somebody who is as good as she is... and she's finally found somebody who is as good as she is...
1069 00:51:31,720 00:51:35,680 Toby. And it gives me great comfort that she's found him. Toby. And it gives me great comfort that she's found him.
1070 00:51:38,200 00:51:40,800 Yeah. I think you should definitely say that. Yeah. I think you should definitely say that.
1071 00:51:42,120 00:51:43,200 Okay. Okay.
1072 00:51:43,880 00:51:48,040 Once I reel them in with that, then I can hit them with the "poy" joke. Once I reel them in with that, then I can hit them with the "poy" joke.
1073 00:51:48,120 00:51:49,480 -No. -You think? -No. -You think?
1074 00:51:49,560 00:51:50,920 Just drop the "poy" joke. Just drop the "poy" joke.
1075 00:51:51,000 00:51:52,200 Oh, right. Okay. Oh, right. Okay.
1076 00:51:52,280 00:51:53,200 No "poy" joke. No "poy" joke.
1077 00:51:54,360 00:51:55,240 Okay. Okay.
1078 00:52:04,600 00:52:06,400 It was our last day in the outback, It was our last day in the outback,
1079 00:52:06,480 00:52:09,400 and we were visiting the largest working camel farm in the country and we were visiting the largest working camel farm in the country
1080 00:52:09,480 00:52:11,560 for a unique tour experience. for a unique tour experience.
1081 00:52:13,200 00:52:16,320 I feel like I should warn you that you look utterly ridiculous. I feel like I should warn you that you look utterly ridiculous.
1082 00:52:16,400 00:52:17,880 What do you mean, ridiculous? What do you mean, ridiculous?
1083 00:52:18,560 00:52:20,480 I look like Lawrence of Arabia. I look like Lawrence of Arabia.
1084 00:52:20,880 00:52:22,440 You look like Mother Teresa. You look like Mother Teresa.
1085 00:52:22,520 00:52:23,480 No, I do not. No, I do not.
1086 00:52:26,200 00:52:29,600 Camels might not be the first thing you think of with Australia, Camels might not be the first thing you think of with Australia,
1087 00:52:29,680 00:52:33,040 but it's home to the largest population of feral camels in the world, but it's home to the largest population of feral camels in the world,
1088 00:52:33,120 00:52:35,200 with over one million roaming free. with over one million roaming free.
1089 00:52:35,280 00:52:37,720 -G'day, how are you? Greg. -G'day, nice to meet you. -G'day, how are you? Greg. -G'day, nice to meet you.
1090 00:52:37,800 00:52:39,560 -This is Father Teresa. -How do you do? -This is Father Teresa. -How do you do?
1091 00:52:39,640 00:52:41,040 You've come to the right place. You've come to the right place.
1092 00:52:41,120 00:52:43,560 -Very cool look you've got. Nice shirt. -Yeah. -Very cool look you've got. Nice shirt. -Yeah.
1093 00:52:43,640 00:52:45,000 Welcome to the camel farm. Welcome to the camel farm.
1094 00:52:45,080 00:52:47,800 So, camels in Australia, that's not something I expected to see. So, camels in Australia, that's not something I expected to see.
1095 00:52:47,880 00:52:50,920 Yeah, camels were introduced in 1840. Yeah, camels were introduced in 1840.
1096 00:52:51,000 00:52:52,520 They're not originally from here, They're not originally from here,
1097 00:52:52,600 00:52:55,320 but they've played a huge role in our country's development. but they've played a huge role in our country's development.
1098 00:52:55,400 00:52:58,480 -We introduced Polish people to England. -No, that's-- -We introduced Polish people to England. -No, that's--
1099 00:52:58,560 00:53:01,200 -Isn't that a similar thing? -No, it's not. -Isn't that a similar thing? -No, it's not.
1100 00:53:01,280 00:53:03,280 -No, Daddy, that's not the same. -Sorry. -No, Daddy, that's not the same. -Sorry.
1101 00:53:03,360 00:53:06,480 -Yeah, okay. -Yeah, okay.
1102 00:53:09,520 00:53:11,040 Good girl. Good girl.
1103 00:53:11,120 00:53:12,560 -Left foot. -Left foot. -Left foot. -Left foot.
1104 00:53:12,880 00:53:14,800 -Left hand reaching all the way forward. -Okay. -Left hand reaching all the way forward. -Okay.
1105 00:53:14,880 00:53:17,560 Stand up nice and tall, kick your leg straight through. Stand up nice and tall, kick your leg straight through.
1106 00:53:17,640 00:53:18,640 Ahh! Ahh!
1107 00:53:18,720 00:53:20,240 - Yeah. -That was easy. - Yeah. -That was easy.
1108 00:53:20,320 00:53:23,080 No trouble in getting your leg over, as usual. No trouble in getting your leg over, as usual.
1109 00:53:24,280 00:53:26,080 Right, can you just get on the camel, please? Right, can you just get on the camel, please?
1110 00:53:26,160 00:53:27,600 -Left hand. -And then like this? -Left hand. -And then like this?
1111 00:53:27,680 00:53:28,760 -No. -No. -No. -No.
1112 00:53:28,840 00:53:31,600 What, you think you'll get onto it and you're facing this way? What, you think you'll get onto it and you're facing this way?
1113 00:53:31,680 00:53:33,760 -Yeah. -You have to be facing forward as well. -Yeah. -You have to be facing forward as well.
1114 00:53:33,840 00:53:36,000 -We don't sit opposite each other. -Right. Okay. -We don't sit opposite each other. -Right. Okay.
1115 00:53:36,080 00:53:38,800 -What, you were going backwards? -Yes, that's what I thought. -What, you were going backwards? -Yes, that's what I thought.
1116 00:53:38,880 00:53:41,720 I don't mind sitting backwards on a train. I don't mind sitting backwards on a train.
1117 00:53:41,800 00:53:43,880 Stand up nice and tall. Lean on me. Stand up nice and tall. Lean on me.
1118 00:53:43,960 00:53:46,560 -Yep. -There we are. -Yep. -There we are.
1119 00:53:47,760 00:53:48,840 How 'bout that? How 'bout that?
1120 00:53:49,720 00:53:50,600 God. God.
1121 00:53:51,200 00:53:53,440 Oh, I feel exhausted. Oh, I feel exhausted.
1122 00:53:53,520 00:53:56,360 All right, Rocky. Let's take these gentlemen for a ride. All right, Rocky. Let's take these gentlemen for a ride.
1123 00:53:56,440 00:53:59,880 In three, two, one. In three, two, one.
1124 00:54:00,280 00:54:01,600 -Let's go. -Let's go.
1125 00:54:01,680 00:54:03,680 -Jesus. -Jesus.
1126 00:54:03,760 00:54:05,520 Hold on, Daddy. Hold on, Daddy.
1127 00:54:07,200 00:54:08,560 How's the air up there? How's the air up there?
1128 00:54:08,640 00:54:10,200 - Oh, my God. -Yes, it's nice. - Oh, my God. -Yes, it's nice.
1129 00:54:10,280 00:54:11,480 What's our camel called? What's our camel called?
1130 00:54:11,560 00:54:12,560 The Rock. The Rock.
1131 00:54:12,640 00:54:14,480 - The Rock? - The Rock! - The Rock? - The Rock!
1132 00:54:15,280 00:54:16,960 Oh, my God. He's going for a wee. Oh, my God. He's going for a wee.
1133 00:54:17,040 00:54:19,040 Who's going for a wee? Greg? Who's going for a wee? Greg?
1134 00:54:19,880 00:54:21,360 The camel is going for a wee. The camel is going for a wee.
1135 00:54:21,560 00:54:24,360 -I see. I thought you meant Greg. -Why would Greg be going for a wee? -I see. I thought you meant Greg. -Why would Greg be going for a wee?
1136 00:54:24,440 00:54:27,680 -I thought he might be going for a wee. -Can you not hear that? -I thought he might be going for a wee. -Can you not hear that?
1137 00:54:27,760 00:54:31,600 The smell at the back is definitely not as good as the smell at the front. The smell at the back is definitely not as good as the smell at the front.
1138 00:54:31,680 00:54:33,640 Do you think he's building up to a poo? Do you think he's building up to a poo?
1139 00:54:34,120 00:54:36,640 -I can smell what The Rock is cooking. -Yeah. -I can smell what The Rock is cooking. -Yeah.
1140 00:54:36,720 00:54:37,560 Put it that way. Put it that way.
1141 00:54:37,640 00:54:40,080 All right, folks. Everybody follow me. All right, folks. Everybody follow me.
1142 00:54:40,160 00:54:42,080 Do you have to make hand signals, Do you have to make hand signals,
1143 00:54:42,160 00:54:43,840 or can you just go straight? or can you just go straight?
1144 00:54:43,920 00:54:46,600 - What do you mean? -You don't do that if you're going right? - What do you mean? -You don't do that if you're going right?
1145 00:54:46,680 00:54:47,800 - What, indicate? -Yeah. - What, indicate? -Yeah.
1146 00:54:47,880 00:54:50,200 Not like there's a lot of camel traffic around here. Not like there's a lot of camel traffic around here.
1147 00:54:52,960 00:54:54,200 Greg, where are we going? Greg, where are we going?
1148 00:54:54,280 00:54:56,800 We're gonna go through-- For a wander through the desert. We're gonna go through-- For a wander through the desert.
1149 00:54:56,880 00:55:00,120 We'll have views of Uluru in the background, but, um... We'll have views of Uluru in the background, but, um...
1150 00:55:00,200 00:55:01,640 sit back and enjoy the ride. sit back and enjoy the ride.
1151 00:55:23,120 00:55:25,640 And up on the right there, we've got Uluru. And up on the right there, we've got Uluru.
1152 00:55:26,480 00:55:27,440 Amazing. Amazing.
1153 00:55:28,560 00:55:29,440 There it is. There it is.
1154 00:55:36,000 00:55:37,800 I'm getting quite a sore ass. I'm getting quite a sore ass.
1155 00:55:37,880 00:55:40,280 I think I'm gonna have to get off this in a second. I think I'm gonna have to get off this in a second.
1156 00:55:40,360 00:55:41,480 - Daddy? -Yeah. - Daddy? -Yeah.
1157 00:55:42,720 00:55:44,040 Don't get the hump. Don't get the hump.
1158 00:55:46,200 00:55:48,720 Jack, as a professional comedian, Jack, as a professional comedian,
1159 00:55:48,800 00:55:51,720 you have now hit, I would say, an all-time low. you have now hit, I would say, an all-time low.
1160 00:55:51,800 00:55:52,720 What? What?
1161 00:55:52,800 00:55:55,400 The most pathetic, cheap joke. The most pathetic, cheap joke.
1162 00:55:58,640 00:56:01,560 - I spy with my little eye... -Yeah. - I spy with my little eye... -Yeah.
1163 00:56:01,640 00:56:03,480 ...something beginning with "U." ...something beginning with "U."
1164 00:56:04,000 00:56:05,720 - Uluru. -Yeah, got it. - Uluru. -Yeah, got it.
1165 00:56:05,800 00:56:06,880 All right. All right.
1166 00:56:06,960 00:56:09,280 - Do you know how much Uluru weighs? - No. - Do you know how much Uluru weighs? - No.
1167 00:56:09,360 00:56:10,920 - How much? - One stone. - How much? - One stone.
1168 00:56:11,000 00:56:13,240 - Ahh. - Clever. - Ahh. - Clever.
1169 00:56:13,840 00:56:15,600 How was that any better than mine? How was that any better than mine?
1170 00:56:15,680 00:56:17,160 He has timing. He has timing.
1171 00:56:17,240 00:56:18,120 Wow. Wow.
1172 00:56:19,840 00:56:22,360 With so many bucket list experiences ticked off, With so many bucket list experiences ticked off,
1173 00:56:22,760 00:56:24,400 we'd had the trip of a lifetime. we'd had the trip of a lifetime.
1174 00:56:25,080 00:56:28,600 There was just one thing left for us to do together as father and son. There was just one thing left for us to do together as father and son.
1175 00:56:31,560 00:56:32,720 What are you doing? What are you doing?
1176 00:56:32,800 00:56:33,760 I'm going to bed. I'm going to bed.
1177 00:56:33,840 00:56:35,000 I'm sleeping out there. I'm sleeping out there.
1178 00:56:35,680 00:56:38,120 -You're sleeping out there? Good night. -No, we're both-- -You're sleeping out there? Good night. -No, we're both--
1179 00:56:38,200 00:56:40,480 The point of this experience is sleeping under the stars. The point of this experience is sleeping under the stars.
1180 00:56:40,560 00:56:42,720 That's why people travel all this way to this place, That's why people travel all this way to this place,
1181 00:56:42,800 00:56:45,680 is because you can lie outside and sleep under the stars. is because you can lie outside and sleep under the stars.
1182 00:56:45,760 00:56:47,400 Why would you want to do that? Why would you want to do that?
1183 00:56:47,480 00:56:50,760 Well, just try it. I think you'll enjoy the experience. Well, just try it. I think you'll enjoy the experience.
1184 00:56:50,840 00:56:52,720 -Me and you-- -What, the experience -Me and you-- -What, the experience
1185 00:56:52,800 00:56:55,040 of sleeping on a balcony in a hotel? of sleeping on a balcony in a hotel?
1186 00:56:55,120 00:56:57,960 Maybe the next time I stay in a hotel in London, Maybe the next time I stay in a hotel in London,
1187 00:56:58,040 00:57:00,240 I'll ask them if there'd be any possibility I'll ask them if there'd be any possibility
1188 00:57:00,320 00:57:01,800 of sleeping on their balcony. of sleeping on their balcony.
1189 00:57:01,880 00:57:04,200 -Get out. -They'd chuck me out of the hotel. -Get out. -They'd chuck me out of the hotel.
1190 00:57:04,280 00:57:06,560 If you try to sleep there, I'll jump up and down on the bed If you try to sleep there, I'll jump up and down on the bed
1191 00:57:06,640 00:57:08,240 like I used to when I was a child. like I used to when I was a child.
1192 00:57:08,520 00:57:11,160 Oh, God. All right. Like a child. Oh, God. All right. Like a child.
1193 00:57:11,720 00:57:13,440 Okay, just get this over with. Okay, just get this over with.
1194 00:57:13,520 00:57:14,680 -Trust me. -Yeah. -Trust me. -Yeah.
1195 00:57:14,760 00:57:16,640 It's a once-in-a-lifetime experience. It's a once-in-a-lifetime experience.
1196 00:57:16,720 00:57:17,920 I hope to God it is. I hope to God it is.
1197 00:57:18,360 00:57:20,480 -Don't be so grumpy. -I'm not being grumpy. -Don't be so grumpy. -I'm not being grumpy.
1198 00:57:20,560 00:57:22,320 I'm... I'm humoring you. I'm... I'm humoring you.
1199 00:57:22,400 00:57:25,320 I just don't particularly want to sleep on the balcony. I just don't particularly want to sleep on the balcony.
1200 00:57:25,400 00:57:26,920 But if you want me to, I will. But if you want me to, I will.
1201 00:57:28,000 00:57:28,840 YOLO. YOLO.
1202 00:57:30,600 00:57:33,080 What does that mean? I don't know what you're talking about. What does that mean? I don't know what you're talking about.
1203 00:57:33,160 00:57:35,480 "YOLO." It's an ancient Aborigine proverb. "YOLO." It's an ancient Aborigine proverb.
1204 00:57:35,560 00:57:37,560 -Yes. -"You only live once." -Yes. -"You only live once."
1205 00:57:37,920 00:57:39,080 Oh, God. Oh, God.
1206 00:57:39,880 00:57:42,280 -Okay. -So which side do you want? -Okay. -So which side do you want?
1207 00:57:42,760 00:57:46,040 Umm, normally, when I'm with your mother, I sleep on that side. Umm, normally, when I'm with your mother, I sleep on that side.
1208 00:57:46,120 00:57:49,400 Don't make this any weirder than it will already be. Don't make this any weirder than it will already be.
1209 00:57:49,480 00:57:50,680 It is very weird. It is very weird.
1210 00:57:50,760 00:57:52,040 No, it's not. No, it's not.
1211 00:57:52,120 00:57:54,720 -Two men, father and son... -Yes. -Two men, father and son... -Yes.
1212 00:57:54,800 00:57:56,280 ...sharing a bed, ...sharing a bed,
1213 00:57:56,360 00:57:59,880 -sleeping beneath the stars. -On the balcony of a hotel. That is weird. -sleeping beneath the stars. -On the balcony of a hotel. That is weird.
1214 00:58:00,400 00:58:04,480 Very weird. I hope there aren't any people in the other rooms looking down here. Very weird. I hope there aren't any people in the other rooms looking down here.
1215 00:58:05,840 00:58:09,240 I think they've already worked out your relationship with me. I think they've already worked out your relationship with me.
1216 00:58:09,320 00:58:12,360 They think I'm some gay old man, and you're my boyfriend. They think I'm some gay old man, and you're my boyfriend.
1217 00:58:12,440 00:58:15,400 Which I do not want to get round the hotel, to be honest. Which I do not want to get round the hotel, to be honest.
1218 00:58:16,040 00:58:18,520 All right. Let's get on with this, then. All right. Let's get on with this, then.
1219 00:58:22,400 00:58:24,000 What's all this zipping here? What's all this zipping here?
1220 00:58:24,360 00:58:25,680 It's like a sleeping bag. It's like a sleeping bag.
1221 00:58:27,080 00:58:28,120 It's really nice. It's really nice.
1222 00:58:29,640 00:58:31,920 -Shift down. -Oh, God. -Shift down. -Oh, God.
1223 00:58:32,680 00:58:35,920 -You're lying in a-- -It's so comfortable, this! -You're lying in a-- -It's so comfortable, this!
1224 00:58:36,400 00:58:38,080 I don't feel very relaxed. I don't feel very relaxed.
1225 00:58:39,760 00:58:41,640 Just get further into it. Just get further into it.
1226 00:58:42,200 00:58:44,200 Just-- You need to shift down. Just-- You need to shift down.
1227 00:58:44,280 00:58:45,200 Daddy. Daddy.
1228 00:58:46,560 00:58:47,680 Right, there we are. Right, there we are.
1229 00:58:48,000 00:58:49,080 Is that better? Is that better?
1230 00:58:50,600 00:58:51,720 Oh, God. Oh, God.
1231 00:58:51,800 00:58:53,640 I can't believe I've agreed to this. I can't believe I've agreed to this.
1232 00:58:54,200 00:58:56,720 The things I've done for you over the years. The things I've done for you over the years.
1233 00:58:56,800 00:58:58,640 I know, and I appreciate that. I know, and I appreciate that.
1234 00:58:59,920 00:59:01,480 And look where you've ended up. And look where you've ended up.
1235 00:59:02,280 00:59:03,360 In a swag bag... In a swag bag...
1236 00:59:04,040 00:59:05,520 with your eldest child... with your eldest child...
1237 00:59:05,600 00:59:08,560 sleeping beneath a canopy of stars. sleeping beneath a canopy of stars.
1238 00:59:10,320 00:59:12,560 Do you think when we die we become stars? Do you think when we die we become stars?
1239 00:59:13,120 00:59:15,200 "When we die, we become stars"? "When we die, we become stars"?
1240 00:59:15,280 00:59:16,640 Yes. In the sky. Yes. In the sky.
1241 00:59:16,720 00:59:18,880 -That's absolute rubbish. -It's not. -That's absolute rubbish. -It's not.
1242 00:59:19,440 00:59:23,520 I think that all the old kings die and they become stars in the sky. I think that all the old kings die and they become stars in the sky.
1243 00:59:24,000 00:59:25,200 And when you die... And when you die...
1244 00:59:26,040 00:59:28,320 one day in the future, you'll talk to me. one day in the future, you'll talk to me.
1245 00:59:28,400 00:59:30,040 Your face will appear in a big cloud Your face will appear in a big cloud
1246 00:59:30,120 00:59:32,480 and you'll tell me that one day, I'll be king. and you'll tell me that one day, I'll be king.
1247 00:59:33,040 00:59:35,040 You're going completely mad. You're going completely mad.
1248 00:59:37,920 00:59:39,320 It's pretty hot, isn't it? It's pretty hot, isn't it?
1249 00:59:39,400 00:59:40,680 It's very hot. It's very hot.
1250 00:59:41,920 00:59:43,640 I'm gonna try and go to sleep now. I'm gonna try and go to sleep now.
1251 00:59:43,960 00:59:44,840 Yeah. Yeah.
1252 00:59:45,920 00:59:48,320 Not really very tired, I'll tell you what. Not really very tired, I'll tell you what.
1253 00:59:48,920 00:59:50,480 Can you tell me the "poy" joke? Can you tell me the "poy" joke?
1254 00:59:51,480 00:59:53,000 Do the unabridged version. Do the unabridged version.
1255 00:59:53,920 00:59:55,480 You sure you want it? You sure you want it?
1256 00:59:55,680 00:59:57,640 I think that's what's needed right now. I think that's what's needed right now.
1257 00:59:57,880 00:59:58,720 Okay. Okay.
1258 01:00:02,840 01:00:05,800 So, there was this man who was a very famous chef. So, there was this man who was a very famous chef.
1259 01:00:08,280 01:00:12,400 And he was traveling the world trying to find the perfect dish. And he was traveling the world trying to find the perfect dish.
1260 01:00:12,480 01:00:15,280 And he was talking to some people in that world. And he was talking to some people in that world.
1261 01:00:33,880 01:00:35,920 Some of you may have already heard it, Some of you may have already heard it,
1262 01:00:36,000 01:00:39,960 but I think those that haven't will enjoy me sharing it with you. but I think those that haven't will enjoy me sharing it with you.
1263 01:00:40,720 01:00:41,760 I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
1264 01:00:41,840 01:00:45,760 It's a little story about this amazing dish... It's a little story about this amazing dish...
1265 01:00:46,840 01:00:49,360 This famous gourmet... This famous gourmet...
1265 01:00:46,840 01:00:49,360 This famous gourmet... This famous gourmet...