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1 | 00:00:40,000 | 00:00:41,960 | I thought we were in Australia. | I thought we were in Australia. |
2 | 00:00:42,560 | 00:00:44,640 | What the fuck am I doing on a camel? | What the fuck am I doing on a camel? |
3 | 00:00:46,400 | 00:00:47,640 | Don't get the hump. | Don't get the hump. |
4 | 00:00:49,920 | 00:00:52,320 | Jack, as a professional comedian, | Jack, as a professional comedian, |
5 | 00:00:52,400 | 00:00:55,320 | you have now hit, I would say, an all-time low. | you have now hit, I would say, an all-time low. |
6 | 00:00:55,400 | 00:00:56,280 | What? | What? |
7 | 00:00:56,360 | 00:00:59,120 | The most pathetic, cheap joke. | The most pathetic, cheap joke. |
8 | 00:00:59,200 | 00:01:01,760 | The hump is so much squidgier than I thought. | The hump is so much squidgier than I thought. |
9 | 00:01:01,840 | 00:01:03,680 | That is my bottom. | That is my bottom. |
10 | 00:01:03,760 | 00:01:05,400 | -Oh, sorry. -Fuck off. | -Oh, sorry. -Fuck off. |
11 | 00:01:05,960 | 00:01:07,680 | You thought that was the hump? | You thought that was the hump? |
12 | 00:01:07,760 | 00:01:09,800 | Well, I wondered why it was so squidgy. | Well, I wondered why it was so squidgy. |
13 | 00:01:37,480 | 00:01:40,200 | - Oh, yes. - And matching jackets. I love it. | - Oh, yes. - And matching jackets. I love it. |
14 | 00:01:40,280 | 00:01:43,800 | Now, Jack is out taking his antics down under, filming a new season | Now, Jack is out taking his antics down under, filming a new season |
15 | 00:01:43,880 | 00:01:47,080 | of the show here ahead of his stand-up tour, Stood Up. | of the show here ahead of his stand-up tour, Stood Up. |
16 | 00:01:47,160 | 00:01:48,960 | He joins us here this morning. Jack, welcome. | He joins us here this morning. Jack, welcome. |
17 | 00:01:49,040 | 00:01:53,120 | I'm out here in Australia doing my international stand-up tour. | I'm out here in Australia doing my international stand-up tour. |
18 | 00:01:53,920 | 00:01:55,880 | Daddy's come along to see Australia. | Daddy's come along to see Australia. |
19 | 00:01:58,360 | 00:02:01,040 | The reason I've come is to support Jack. | The reason I've come is to support Jack. |
20 | 00:02:01,120 | 00:02:03,680 | And he will need support, | And he will need support, |
21 | 00:02:03,760 | 00:02:08,320 | because I would be surprised if there's a living soul | because I would be surprised if there's a living soul |
22 | 00:02:08,400 | 00:02:11,040 | that knows who the fuck he is in Australia. | that knows who the fuck he is in Australia. |
23 | 00:02:11,120 | 00:02:16,120 | Oh, look, you've got a little bit of a tan down here, little cheeky monkey. | Oh, look, you've got a little bit of a tan down here, little cheeky monkey. |
24 | 00:02:16,920 | 00:02:18,960 | It's quite a stressful moment for our family, | It's quite a stressful moment for our family, |
25 | 00:02:19,040 | 00:02:20,840 | 'cause my sister is getting married. | 'cause my sister is getting married. |
26 | 00:02:20,920 | 00:02:24,160 | I very much feel like I've lost my mantle as the golden child. | I very much feel like I've lost my mantle as the golden child. |
27 | 00:02:24,960 | 00:02:27,920 | I hope I'm going to have a nice holiday in Australia, | I hope I'm going to have a nice holiday in Australia, |
28 | 00:02:28,000 | 00:02:29,200 | which I doubt. | which I doubt. |
29 | 00:02:30,000 | 00:02:33,400 | But I've got to get back for my daughter Molly's wedding. | But I've got to get back for my daughter Molly's wedding. |
30 | 00:02:33,480 | 00:02:34,640 | My first-ever gigs were... | My first-ever gigs were... |
31 | 00:02:34,720 | 00:02:38,920 | I guess the reality is, while doing a stand-up tour is really exciting, | I guess the reality is, while doing a stand-up tour is really exciting, |
32 | 00:02:39,040 | 00:02:42,000 | it can also, sometimes, be a little bit lonely. | it can also, sometimes, be a little bit lonely. |
33 | 00:02:42,560 | 00:02:47,880 | And given the choice of drinking my way through an entire minibar full of... | And given the choice of drinking my way through an entire minibar full of... |
34 | 00:02:49,000 | 00:02:53,200 | miniatures in a bath and then crying myself to sleep to hotel pornography, | miniatures in a bath and then crying myself to sleep to hotel pornography, |
35 | 00:02:54,600 | 00:02:56,000 | or hanging out with Daddy... | or hanging out with Daddy... |
36 | 00:02:57,680 | 00:03:00,240 | narrowly, hanging out with Daddy is more preferable. | narrowly, hanging out with Daddy is more preferable. |
37 | 00:03:01,560 | 00:03:05,480 | As far as I'm concerned, Australia is the country | As far as I'm concerned, Australia is the country |
38 | 00:03:06,000 | 00:03:08,720 | that has given us Mel Gibson... | that has given us Mel Gibson... |
39 | 00:03:09,960 | 00:03:11,440 | boxed wine... | boxed wine... |
40 | 00:03:12,560 | 00:03:15,480 | and the didgeri-fucking-doo. | and the didgeri-fucking-doo. |
41 | 00:03:16,600 | 00:03:17,440 | Why? | Why? |
42 | 00:03:37,560 | 00:03:40,480 | - Can I be very honest? - What if I say no? | - Can I be very honest? - What if I say no? |
43 | 00:03:40,560 | 00:03:44,640 | This is nothing like I expected when you said we were going on a yacht. | This is nothing like I expected when you said we were going on a yacht. |
44 | 00:03:44,720 | 00:03:46,280 | This is a historic yacht tour. | This is a historic yacht tour. |
45 | 00:03:46,360 | 00:03:48,720 | I thought you'd like to start with some history, | I thought you'd like to start with some history, |
46 | 00:03:48,800 | 00:03:51,720 | learn about how the first settlers came over to Australia. | learn about how the first settlers came over to Australia. |
47 | 00:03:51,800 | 00:03:54,640 | Most Australians were descended from convicts. | Most Australians were descended from convicts. |
48 | 00:03:54,720 | 00:03:56,600 | -Right. Okay, not this-- No. -So, | -Right. Okay, not this-- No. -So, |
49 | 00:03:56,680 | 00:03:58,800 | you know what you're gonna get, don't you? | you know what you're gonna get, don't you? |
50 | 00:03:58,880 | 00:04:00,280 | What do you mean, you know? | What do you mean, you know? |
51 | 00:04:00,360 | 00:04:03,200 | You know what you're gonna get if you meet an Australian. | You know what you're gonna get if you meet an Australian. |
52 | 00:04:03,280 | 00:04:06,480 | I mean, you only have to go down to Fulham Road and see them | I mean, you only have to go down to Fulham Road and see them |
53 | 00:04:06,560 | 00:04:10,000 | coming out of pubs, falling over into gutters, | coming out of pubs, falling over into gutters, |
54 | 00:04:10,080 | 00:04:11,600 | pissing against the wall. | pissing against the wall. |
55 | 00:04:11,920 | 00:04:13,680 | -And that's just the women. -Right. | -And that's just the women. -Right. |
56 | 00:04:15,200 | 00:04:17,040 | Daddy, you can't say that. | Daddy, you can't say that. |
57 | 00:04:17,120 | 00:04:18,400 | I just did. | I just did. |
58 | 00:04:19,240 | 00:04:21,240 | I wonder how your mother's getting on. | I wonder how your mother's getting on. |
59 | 00:04:21,840 | 00:04:23,480 | Jack, Michael! | Jack, Michael! |
60 | 00:04:24,080 | 00:04:26,320 | -Have you seen the harbor? - Oh, my God! | -Have you seen the harbor? - Oh, my God! |
61 | 00:04:26,400 | 00:04:27,800 | It looks amazing. | It looks amazing. |
62 | 00:04:27,880 | 00:04:29,600 | What are you doing up there? | What are you doing up there? |
63 | 00:04:29,680 | 00:04:31,520 | I'm enjoying the view. | I'm enjoying the view. |
64 | 00:04:32,040 | 00:04:35,080 | -Oh, God. Who's that man with you? - It's wonderful. | -Oh, God. Who's that man with you? - It's wonderful. |
65 | 00:04:35,720 | 00:04:37,520 | This is my new friend, Mike. | This is my new friend, Mike. |
66 | 00:04:37,600 | 00:04:39,160 | We're harnessed together. | We're harnessed together. |
67 | 00:04:39,240 | 00:04:41,640 | I hope that's all there is, a harness there, | I hope that's all there is, a harness there, |
68 | 00:04:41,720 | 00:04:44,080 | with you wearing those skimpy shorts. | with you wearing those skimpy shorts. |
69 | 00:04:44,640 | 00:04:47,200 | What are you holding there? Those your underclothes? | What are you holding there? Those your underclothes? |
70 | 00:04:47,280 | 00:04:48,520 | - No! -What? | - No! -What? |
71 | 00:04:49,760 | 00:04:51,600 | It's my scarf. | It's my scarf. |
72 | 00:04:51,680 | 00:04:53,760 | It's not actually yours. It's my scarf. | It's not actually yours. It's my scarf. |
73 | 00:04:53,840 | 00:04:55,400 | I know. I nearly lost it. | I know. I nearly lost it. |
74 | 00:04:55,480 | 00:04:56,840 | Well, don't lose it. | Well, don't lose it. |
75 | 00:04:56,920 | 00:04:58,600 | I won't. I've got it. | I won't. I've got it. |
76 | 00:05:00,560 | 00:05:04,160 | Mommy's only joining us for Sydney. She has to get back for wedding prep. | Mommy's only joining us for Sydney. She has to get back for wedding prep. |
77 | 00:05:04,240 | 00:05:06,680 | But while she's here, she's going to, well... | But while she's here, she's going to, well... |
78 | 00:05:06,760 | 00:05:07,920 | mother us. | mother us. |
79 | 00:05:08,000 | 00:05:10,400 | -Let's get some mossie stuff-- - Mom, I think you got it. | -Let's get some mossie stuff-- - Mom, I think you got it. |
80 | 00:05:10,480 | 00:05:11,800 | They're vicious. Oh. | They're vicious. Oh. |
81 | 00:05:13,040 | 00:05:14,080 | Hang on. Oh. | Hang on. Oh. |
82 | 00:05:14,640 | 00:05:15,800 | Did you put some on? | Did you put some on? |
83 | 00:05:15,880 | 00:05:17,000 | Yeah, I applied some earlier. | Yeah, I applied some earlier. |
84 | 00:05:17,080 | 00:05:19,880 | -Do not believe you. I don't believe you. -I did. I can put it on myself. | -Do not believe you. I don't believe you. -I did. I can put it on myself. |
85 | 00:05:19,960 | 00:05:22,840 | -No, you can't. I don't trust you. -I don't need my mother. I'm 31. | -No, you can't. I don't trust you. -I don't need my mother. I'm 31. |
86 | 00:05:22,920 | 00:05:25,280 | -I know you'll lose it. -I don't need it applied by my mother. | -I know you'll lose it. -I don't need it applied by my mother. |
87 | 00:05:25,360 | 00:05:26,640 | -Did you get some on? -No! | -Did you get some on? -No! |
88 | 00:05:26,720 | 00:05:30,160 | -Put some on your ankles. They're vicious. -I do not want that on me. | -Put some on your ankles. They're vicious. -I do not want that on me. |
89 | 00:05:30,240 | 00:05:31,320 | Take it away. | Take it away. |
90 | 00:05:31,400 | 00:05:33,560 | He's running. I've never seen him run before. | He's running. I've never seen him run before. |
91 | 00:05:33,640 | 00:05:35,280 | -Arms. -Get it under that trouser leg. | -Arms. -Get it under that trouser leg. |
92 | 00:05:35,360 | 00:05:37,000 | -No! -To be fair, Mother, it's true. | -No! -To be fair, Mother, it's true. |
93 | 00:05:37,080 | 00:05:40,160 | -They are vicious. Get him. -No, I don't want it on me. | -They are vicious. Get him. -No, I don't want it on me. |
94 | 00:05:40,240 | 00:05:41,160 | Arms, arms, arms! | Arms, arms, arms! |
95 | 00:05:42,160 | 00:05:45,240 | Having showered off all that rank-smelling spray at the hotel, | Having showered off all that rank-smelling spray at the hotel, |
96 | 00:05:45,320 | 00:05:48,360 | where best to take my dear old parents next on their tour of the harbor | where best to take my dear old parents next on their tour of the harbor |
97 | 00:05:48,440 | 00:05:50,160 | than somewhere steeped in history? | than somewhere steeped in history? |
98 | 00:05:50,240 | 00:05:51,520 | The Sydney Opera House. | The Sydney Opera House. |
99 | 00:05:53,800 | 00:05:57,680 | Built in 1959, it is the home of Australian culture, | Built in 1959, it is the home of Australian culture, |
100 | 00:05:57,760 | 00:06:00,680 | two words Daddy says you can't put together in a sentence. | two words Daddy says you can't put together in a sentence. |
101 | 00:06:03,120 | 00:06:05,280 | This is our salad with stracciatella, | This is our salad with stracciatella, |
102 | 00:06:05,360 | 00:06:06,840 | pistachio falafel. | pistachio falafel. |
103 | 00:06:06,920 | 00:06:08,560 | -Wow. -This is our Wagyu tartare. | -Wow. -This is our Wagyu tartare. |
104 | 00:06:08,640 | 00:06:11,120 | -Wow! Look at that. -And this is our ocean trout. | -Wow! Look at that. -And this is our ocean trout. |
105 | 00:06:11,200 | 00:06:12,680 | Delicious. Look at that. | Delicious. Look at that. |
106 | 00:06:12,760 | 00:06:15,200 | -No, we don't need pictures. -Yes, I have to take pictures. | -No, we don't need pictures. -Yes, I have to take pictures. |
107 | 00:06:15,280 | 00:06:18,760 | -Who cares about pictures of your food? - I'm gonna send them to-- | -Who cares about pictures of your food? - I'm gonna send them to-- |
108 | 00:06:18,840 | 00:06:21,280 | -You're not having a picture of my food. -I'm getting one. | -You're not having a picture of my food. -I'm getting one. |
109 | 00:06:21,360 | 00:06:22,640 | You're not getting a picture. | You're not getting a picture. |
110 | 00:06:23,880 | 00:06:24,720 | Jack! | Jack! |
111 | 00:06:28,000 | 00:06:31,640 | Anyway, I've got to crack on. Molly and Toby's wedding, very important. | Anyway, I've got to crack on. Molly and Toby's wedding, very important. |
112 | 00:06:31,720 | 00:06:34,560 | No, let's just have one meal where we just enjoy a meal | No, let's just have one meal where we just enjoy a meal |
113 | 00:06:34,640 | 00:06:37,000 | and each other's company rather than having... | and each other's company rather than having... |
114 | 00:06:37,080 | 00:06:39,240 | -Can I just say-- -...a wedding meeting. | -Can I just say-- -...a wedding meeting. |
115 | 00:06:39,320 | 00:06:40,840 | Because of the time difference, I have | Because of the time difference, I have |
116 | 00:06:40,920 | 00:06:44,000 | -a limited amount of time every day. -We're in the middle of a restaurant. | -a limited amount of time every day. -We're in the middle of a restaurant. |
117 | 00:06:44,480 | 00:06:49,200 | I know, but you finish this, we'll wait until the next course comes. | I know, but you finish this, we'll wait until the next course comes. |
118 | 00:06:49,280 | 00:06:52,000 | Now, I've got to ask you a couple of questions too. | Now, I've got to ask you a couple of questions too. |
119 | 00:06:52,080 | 00:06:56,080 | I've got a few maybe invites here that I just need to go through with Daddy. | I've got a few maybe invites here that I just need to go through with Daddy. |
120 | 00:06:56,880 | 00:06:57,880 | What about this one? | What about this one? |
121 | 00:06:58,440 | 00:07:00,600 | Oh, no. Don't be ridiculous. | Oh, no. Don't be ridiculous. |
122 | 00:07:00,680 | 00:07:02,760 | I'm not being ridiculous. She's sweet. | I'm not being ridiculous. She's sweet. |
123 | 00:07:02,840 | 00:07:04,920 | She's an absolute pain in the ass. | She's an absolute pain in the ass. |
124 | 00:07:06,400 | 00:07:08,000 | Okay, what about this one, here? | Okay, what about this one, here? |
125 | 00:07:09,840 | 00:07:11,480 | I like him. He's sweet. | I like him. He's sweet. |
126 | 00:07:12,360 | 00:07:13,400 | He's dead. | He's dead. |
127 | 00:07:14,400 | 00:07:16,360 | -Is he? -Yes, he died-- | -Is he? -Yes, he died-- |
128 | 00:07:16,440 | 00:07:18,680 | I think he died ten years ago. | I think he died ten years ago. |
129 | 00:07:18,760 | 00:07:20,280 | -He did not. -He did. | -He did not. -He did. |
130 | 00:07:20,360 | 00:07:23,000 | You were going to invite a dead man to Molly's wedding. | You were going to invite a dead man to Molly's wedding. |
131 | 00:07:23,080 | 00:07:26,240 | In fact, we were even asked to his funeral, I think. | In fact, we were even asked to his funeral, I think. |
132 | 00:07:26,320 | 00:07:27,560 | -I have no-- -And we didn't go. | -I have no-- -And we didn't go. |
133 | 00:07:27,640 | 00:07:30,800 | It's kind of rude, if you were asked to his funeral, not to invite him. | It's kind of rude, if you were asked to his funeral, not to invite him. |
134 | 00:07:31,200 | 00:07:33,120 | I need you to take this seriously. | I need you to take this seriously. |
135 | 00:07:33,200 | 00:07:35,280 | We need a sash round the cake table. | We need a sash round the cake table. |
136 | 00:07:35,360 | 00:07:38,240 | -Do we go peach or plum? -Pink. Pink. | -Do we go peach or plum? -Pink. Pink. |
137 | 00:07:38,320 | 00:07:39,920 | You know I hate weddings. | You know I hate weddings. |
138 | 00:07:40,000 | 00:07:42,040 | -Why do you hate weddings? -I don't know, always have. | -Why do you hate weddings? -I don't know, always have. |
139 | 00:07:42,120 | 00:07:43,960 | Is it because you've had so many of your own? | Is it because you've had so many of your own? |
140 | 00:07:46,440 | 00:07:49,880 | For the last 15 years, I've gone to weddings on my own | For the last 15 years, I've gone to weddings on my own |
141 | 00:07:49,960 | 00:07:51,840 | or with Molly because he just won't come. | or with Molly because he just won't come. |
142 | 00:07:51,920 | 00:07:55,360 | You're coming to this one, and I need you to just embrace it. | You're coming to this one, and I need you to just embrace it. |
143 | 00:07:55,440 | 00:07:58,480 | Not only is it a party, but it's a party you're throwing. | Not only is it a party, but it's a party you're throwing. |
144 | 00:07:59,040 | 00:08:01,800 | You're gonna be doing the speech, you're gonna be greeting people. | You're gonna be doing the speech, you're gonna be greeting people. |
145 | 00:08:01,880 | 00:08:02,920 | You're gonna have to dance. | You're gonna have to dance. |
146 | 00:08:03,000 | 00:08:05,760 | Why am I greeting people? That's the vicar does that. | Why am I greeting people? That's the vicar does that. |
147 | 00:08:05,840 | 00:08:08,840 | -No, you're the host, in the reception. -You're the host of the wedding. | -No, you're the host, in the reception. -You're the host of the wedding. |
148 | 00:08:08,920 | 00:08:12,040 | We can't have you just in the corner being rude about all of Mommy's friends. | We can't have you just in the corner being rude about all of Mommy's friends. |
149 | 00:08:12,120 | 00:08:16,000 | We need you drifting around the room being the hostess with the mostest. | We need you drifting around the room being the hostess with the mostest. |
150 | 00:08:16,320 | 00:08:17,960 | -Eh. -We need you to have more fun | -Eh. -We need you to have more fun |
151 | 00:08:18,040 | 00:08:21,760 | at this wedding. You need to be the master of fun. | at this wedding. You need to be the master of fun. |
152 | 00:08:23,000 | 00:08:27,080 | And to that end, I actually have something that I think we can do in Sydney... | And to that end, I actually have something that I think we can do in Sydney... |
153 | 00:08:27,720 | 00:08:29,680 | -Yeah? -...that would really, really help | -Yeah? -...that would really, really help |
154 | 00:08:29,760 | 00:08:31,720 | with bringing out wedding Michael. | with bringing out wedding Michael. |
155 | 00:08:31,800 | 00:08:34,360 | -I like the sound of this. -What is it? | -I like the sound of this. -What is it? |
156 | 00:08:35,360 | 00:08:36,720 | -A surprise. -Okay. | -A surprise. -Okay. |
157 | 00:08:39,000 | 00:08:40,400 | -Thanks so much. -Thank you. | -Thanks so much. -Thank you. |
158 | 00:08:40,880 | 00:08:44,360 | Can I ask you which-- I'm doing a sash around the cake table. | Can I ask you which-- I'm doing a sash around the cake table. |
159 | 00:08:44,440 | 00:08:47,160 | -Kill me now. -Do you think plum or peach? | -Kill me now. -Do you think plum or peach? |
160 | 00:08:47,680 | 00:08:51,560 | While Mommy bores the entire population of Sydney to death about the wedding, | While Mommy bores the entire population of Sydney to death about the wedding, |
161 | 00:08:52,080 | 00:08:54,560 | I've brought Daddy to an area called Newtown | I've brought Daddy to an area called Newtown |
162 | 00:08:54,640 | 00:08:57,400 | because, if he's going to be a success as the father of the bride, | because, if he's going to be a success as the father of the bride, |
163 | 00:08:57,480 | 00:08:59,600 | he needs to loosen up and have fun. | he needs to loosen up and have fun. |
164 | 00:08:59,680 | 00:09:02,240 | So we need some people who know all about that... | So we need some people who know all about that... |
165 | 00:09:03,320 | 00:09:04,320 | drag queens. | drag queens. |
166 | 00:09:07,040 | 00:09:11,280 | Drag artists have a rich history in Australia as early as the 1920s. | Drag artists have a rich history in Australia as early as the 1920s. |
167 | 00:09:11,680 | 00:09:14,640 | In the '50s, Dame Edna Everage became a national treasure. | In the '50s, Dame Edna Everage became a national treasure. |
168 | 00:09:15,400 | 00:09:18,080 | The Sydney Mardi Gras was born in 1978 | The Sydney Mardi Gras was born in 1978 |
169 | 00:09:18,160 | 00:09:21,560 | and continues to be one of Australia's biggest tourist attractions. | and continues to be one of Australia's biggest tourist attractions. |
170 | 00:09:22,160 | 00:09:26,160 | Helping us transform Michael are three of Sydney's premier drag queens. | Helping us transform Michael are three of Sydney's premier drag queens. |
171 | 00:09:26,640 | 00:09:30,480 | Meet Hannah Conda, Carmen Geddit, and Sia Tequila. | Meet Hannah Conda, Carmen Geddit, and Sia Tequila. |
172 | 00:09:30,560 | 00:09:31,800 | Brilliant. | Brilliant. |
173 | 00:09:32,800 | 00:09:34,800 | - Hello. - Are we in the right place? | - Hello. - Are we in the right place? |
174 | 00:09:35,320 | 00:09:36,920 | -Hello. -Hi. | -Hello. -Hi. |
175 | 00:09:37,000 | 00:09:38,640 | -Welcome, guys. -How are we? | -Welcome, guys. -How are we? |
176 | 00:09:38,720 | 00:09:40,720 | -Very good. Hey, I'm Jack. -I'm Sia. | -Very good. Hey, I'm Jack. -I'm Sia. |
177 | 00:09:40,800 | 00:09:43,840 | -Carmen. Nice to meet you. -Hanna. Very nice to meet you. | -Carmen. Nice to meet you. -Hanna. Very nice to meet you. |
178 | 00:09:43,920 | 00:09:46,080 | -How can we help, guys? -So our basic problem is | -How can we help, guys? -So our basic problem is |
179 | 00:09:46,160 | 00:09:49,200 | that we've got this big family wedding coming up. My sister's getting married. | that we've got this big family wedding coming up. My sister's getting married. |
180 | 00:09:49,280 | 00:09:53,280 | So excited. It's gonna be an amazing event. | So excited. It's gonna be an amazing event. |
181 | 00:09:53,360 | 00:09:56,760 | There's gonna be a great DJ, party, dance floor. | There's gonna be a great DJ, party, dance floor. |
182 | 00:09:56,840 | 00:09:59,120 | -And the problem is this guy-- -...is paying for it all. | -And the problem is this guy-- -...is paying for it all. |
183 | 00:09:59,200 | 00:10:00,800 | - No. | - No. |
184 | 00:10:00,880 | 00:10:03,120 | - What? -This guy is a buzzkill. | - What? -This guy is a buzzkill. |
185 | 00:10:03,560 | 00:10:05,320 | As proven by that last comment. | As proven by that last comment. |
186 | 00:10:05,400 | 00:10:07,280 | And I want him to enjoy himself. | And I want him to enjoy himself. |
187 | 00:10:07,360 | 00:10:10,720 | I want him on the dance floor. I want him dancing with his daughter. | I want him on the dance floor. I want him dancing with his daughter. |
188 | 00:10:10,800 | 00:10:12,440 | I want him living his best life. | I want him living his best life. |
189 | 00:10:12,520 | 00:10:16,000 | Do you think drag might be able to help Michael come out of his shell? | Do you think drag might be able to help Michael come out of his shell? |
190 | 00:10:16,080 | 00:10:19,280 | Hundred percent. We can crack your shell, don't worry, darling. | Hundred percent. We can crack your shell, don't worry, darling. |
191 | 00:10:20,120 | 00:10:23,360 | What are you feeling, Michael? Have you dabbled in the drag? | What are you feeling, Michael? Have you dabbled in the drag? |
192 | 00:10:23,440 | 00:10:24,760 | Have you ever dressed in a dress? | Have you ever dressed in a dress? |
193 | 00:10:24,840 | 00:10:28,040 | All I did was try and keep you out of that dressing up box. | All I did was try and keep you out of that dressing up box. |
194 | 00:10:29,800 | 00:10:32,200 | One question I have about drag is what comes first, | One question I have about drag is what comes first, |
195 | 00:10:32,280 | 00:10:33,360 | the dress or the character? | the dress or the character? |
196 | 00:10:33,440 | 00:10:34,400 | Either way. | Either way. |
197 | 00:10:34,480 | 00:10:37,120 | You lean towards dresses and through that you develop your character. | You lean towards dresses and through that you develop your character. |
198 | 00:10:37,200 | 00:10:39,160 | And when-- where does the name... | And when-- where does the name... |
199 | 00:10:39,240 | 00:10:41,800 | My original name was very dirty, so they changed it. | My original name was very dirty, so they changed it. |
200 | 00:10:41,880 | 00:10:44,080 | It's now Carmen Geddit, which is kinda cute. | It's now Carmen Geddit, which is kinda cute. |
201 | 00:10:44,160 | 00:10:45,320 | What was the dirty one? | What was the dirty one? |
202 | 00:10:45,400 | 00:10:46,920 | It was Carmen Mabutt. | It was Carmen Mabutt. |
203 | 00:10:48,880 | 00:10:50,000 | -Really? -Yeah. | -Really? -Yeah. |
204 | 00:10:50,080 | 00:10:51,400 | Very subtle. | Very subtle. |
205 | 00:10:53,960 | 00:10:56,880 | I think the next step now is probably to try some stuff on. | I think the next step now is probably to try some stuff on. |
206 | 00:10:56,960 | 00:10:59,280 | -Yes. -See what kinda works. | -Yes. -See what kinda works. |
207 | 00:10:59,360 | 00:11:02,280 | -Yes. -I don't want anything too gaudy though. | -Yes. -I don't want anything too gaudy though. |
208 | 00:11:02,360 | 00:11:04,960 | -No, that's our-- -Something simple and chic. | -No, that's our-- -Something simple and chic. |
209 | 00:11:05,600 | 00:11:08,000 | I think if I'm gonna go for it, I should go for it. | I think if I'm gonna go for it, I should go for it. |
210 | 00:11:08,080 | 00:11:10,360 | We've got a Disney princess moment over here, Jack. | We've got a Disney princess moment over here, Jack. |
211 | 00:11:10,440 | 00:11:11,640 | Oh, my God. That's amazing. | Oh, my God. That's amazing. |
212 | 00:11:11,720 | 00:11:14,160 | -That's like Versailles, isn't it? -Exactly what we need. | -That's like Versailles, isn't it? -Exactly what we need. |
213 | 00:11:14,240 | 00:11:16,640 | Would you like to walk me into the wedding dressed like that? | Would you like to walk me into the wedding dressed like that? |
214 | 00:11:16,720 | 00:11:17,760 | No. | No. |
215 | 00:11:17,840 | 00:11:20,160 | -You'll show up the bride, doll. - I know. That's true. | -You'll show up the bride, doll. - I know. That's true. |
216 | 00:11:20,720 | 00:11:22,560 | How do you feel about hats? | How do you feel about hats? |
217 | 00:11:22,640 | 00:11:24,280 | - I like hats. -Okay. | - I like hats. -Okay. |
218 | 00:11:24,360 | 00:11:25,520 | This is a good hat. | This is a good hat. |
219 | 00:11:25,600 | 00:11:26,880 | - Daddy. - Yeah. | - Daddy. - Yeah. |
220 | 00:11:26,960 | 00:11:27,800 | Ready? | Ready? |
221 | 00:11:28,520 | 00:11:29,680 | Here she goes. | Here she goes. |
222 | 00:11:30,040 | 00:11:32,760 | -What do you think? -Have you got somebody under there? | -What do you think? -Have you got somebody under there? |
223 | 00:11:32,840 | 00:11:33,720 | Daddy! | Daddy! |
224 | 00:11:33,800 | 00:11:35,560 | Stop flicking me the finger. | Stop flicking me the finger. |
225 | 00:11:35,880 | 00:11:37,560 | -Daddy! | -Daddy! |
226 | 00:11:37,640 | 00:11:39,160 | I want to get you in a wig. | I want to get you in a wig. |
227 | 00:11:39,240 | 00:11:40,600 | Yeah, we need a wig. Definitely. | Yeah, we need a wig. Definitely. |
228 | 00:11:41,080 | 00:11:43,160 | Okay, and now give us a flick back. | Okay, and now give us a flick back. |
229 | 00:11:43,240 | 00:11:45,480 | -There we go. -Oh, my God! | -There we go. -Oh, my God! |
230 | 00:11:45,920 | 00:11:47,320 | Australian legend. | Australian legend. |
231 | 00:11:47,400 | 00:11:48,880 | -Dame Edna. -Dame Edna. | -Dame Edna. -Dame Edna. |
232 | 00:11:48,960 | 00:11:50,440 | -Dame Edna. -It's Dame Edna. | -Dame Edna. -It's Dame Edna. |
233 | 00:11:50,520 | 00:11:51,880 | You need some spider glasses. | You need some spider glasses. |
234 | 00:11:51,960 | 00:11:52,960 | Ta-da. | Ta-da. |
235 | 00:11:54,280 | 00:11:55,720 | It's ridiculous. | It's ridiculous. |
236 | 00:11:56,720 | 00:12:00,600 | -No, it looks great. -It's a very unusual style, this hair. | -No, it looks great. -It's a very unusual style, this hair. |
237 | 00:12:00,680 | 00:12:03,040 | And just go, "Hello, possums." | And just go, "Hello, possums." |
238 | 00:12:03,680 | 00:12:05,080 | Hello, possums. | Hello, possums. |
239 | 00:12:07,200 | 00:12:09,440 | Can someone come get me out of my corset, please? | Can someone come get me out of my corset, please? |
240 | 00:12:09,520 | 00:12:11,040 | -Absolutely, doll. -You little tease. | -Absolutely, doll. -You little tease. |
241 | 00:12:11,120 | 00:12:12,320 | Don't have to ask us twice. | Don't have to ask us twice. |
242 | 00:12:12,400 | 00:12:15,760 | All right, Michael. Ready? We're gonna make you a ginger, okay? | All right, Michael. Ready? We're gonna make you a ginger, okay? |
243 | 00:12:15,840 | 00:12:20,240 | On your head, there we go, glorious. You've done this before. Flick her back. | On your head, there we go, glorious. You've done this before. Flick her back. |
244 | 00:12:20,320 | 00:12:21,680 | Ohh. | Ohh. |
245 | 00:12:21,760 | 00:12:23,720 | -Spice up your life. -Yes. | -Spice up your life. -Yes. |
246 | 00:12:24,680 | 00:12:25,680 | Oh. | Oh. |
247 | 00:12:26,240 | 00:12:28,920 | -Oh, my God. We've created a monster. -There we are. | -Oh, my God. We've created a monster. -There we are. |
248 | 00:12:29,000 | 00:12:29,840 | Look at her. | Look at her. |
249 | 00:12:30,280 | 00:12:31,760 | - Jack. -Yeah. | - Jack. -Yeah. |
250 | 00:12:32,120 | 00:12:34,120 | -What about this look? -Oh, my God, yeah. | -What about this look? -Oh, my God, yeah. |
251 | 00:12:36,600 | 00:12:39,400 | Drag aside, that makes you look ten years younger. | Drag aside, that makes you look ten years younger. |
252 | 00:12:39,920 | 00:12:43,200 | It makes you look like you're an aging rocker. | It makes you look like you're an aging rocker. |
253 | 00:12:43,840 | 00:12:44,800 | In a good way. | In a good way. |
254 | 00:12:44,880 | 00:12:47,680 | You've got these new skills. We thought it might be more fun | You've got these new skills. We thought it might be more fun |
255 | 00:12:47,760 | 00:12:49,360 | to put them in a real life setting. | to put them in a real life setting. |
256 | 00:12:49,440 | 00:12:51,280 | -Yeah. -We've got a surprise. | -Yeah. -We've got a surprise. |
257 | 00:12:51,720 | 00:12:54,080 | We have hooked you up, and you're gonna be coming | We have hooked you up, and you're gonna be coming |
258 | 00:12:54,160 | 00:12:56,120 | to perform in our local drag competition. | to perform in our local drag competition. |
259 | 00:12:56,600 | 00:12:57,800 | -How do you feel? -Right. | -How do you feel? -Right. |
260 | 00:12:57,880 | 00:12:59,560 | -Are you keen? -Very excited. | -Are you keen? -Very excited. |
261 | 00:12:59,640 | 00:13:02,200 | -It will make him very excited, so... -Yeah. | -It will make him very excited, so... -Yeah. |
262 | 00:13:02,280 | 00:13:04,640 | -Let's give the fans what they want. | -Let's give the fans what they want. |
263 | 00:13:06,480 | 00:13:08,480 | Could you not take that with you to this thing? | Could you not take that with you to this thing? |
264 | 00:13:08,560 | 00:13:11,000 | -Why? What's wrong with it? -Confiscate it. | -Why? What's wrong with it? -Confiscate it. |
265 | 00:13:16,360 | 00:13:18,200 | I don't know how much | I don't know how much |
266 | 00:13:18,280 | 00:13:22,800 | my father is going to throw himself into the performance at this drag night. | my father is going to throw himself into the performance at this drag night. |
267 | 00:13:22,880 | 00:13:24,240 | I'm so excited. | I'm so excited. |
268 | 00:13:24,320 | 00:13:27,240 | But I fear that I may have to do quite a lot of the heavy lifting. | But I fear that I may have to do quite a lot of the heavy lifting. |
269 | 00:13:27,320 | 00:13:29,560 | Before we get to rock out with our frock out, | Before we get to rock out with our frock out, |
270 | 00:13:29,640 | 00:13:32,040 | there's the small matter of getting made up. | there's the small matter of getting made up. |
271 | 00:13:32,120 | 00:13:34,680 | Can I ask about another technical element of drag? | Can I ask about another technical element of drag? |
272 | 00:13:34,760 | 00:13:36,800 | -Yeah, go on. -It still fascinates me. | -Yeah, go on. -It still fascinates me. |
273 | 00:13:37,280 | 00:13:38,600 | Talk to me about tucking. | Talk to me about tucking. |
274 | 00:13:38,920 | 00:13:40,520 | -Ooh. | -Ooh. |
275 | 00:13:40,600 | 00:13:42,360 | You have to have a dick to tuck. | You have to have a dick to tuck. |
276 | 00:13:46,200 | 00:13:48,640 | I guess it'll all depend when we get down to the business, | I guess it'll all depend when we get down to the business, |
277 | 00:13:48,720 | 00:13:50,960 | see what we have to work with. If you have a larger handle, | see what we have to work with. If you have a larger handle, |
278 | 00:13:51,040 | 00:13:52,800 | -it's much easier to tuck. -Yeah. | -it's much easier to tuck. -Yeah. |
279 | 00:13:52,880 | 00:13:55,000 | If you have a smaller handle, it's a bit difficult | If you have a smaller handle, it's a bit difficult |
280 | 00:13:55,080 | 00:13:58,760 | because you don't have much of a grip on it when you pull back around. | because you don't have much of a grip on it when you pull back around. |
281 | 00:13:59,240 | 00:14:01,240 | -And you tape it round the back? -Mm-hmm. | -And you tape it round the back? -Mm-hmm. |
282 | 00:14:01,520 | 00:14:04,640 | My problem has always been that I'm very well hung. | My problem has always been that I'm very well hung. |
283 | 00:14:07,360 | 00:14:12,040 | And I hoped that I would pass that on to my children. | And I hoped that I would pass that on to my children. |
284 | 00:14:12,120 | 00:14:14,160 | Well, obviously my daughter isn't. | Well, obviously my daughter isn't. |
285 | 00:14:16,720 | 00:14:20,320 | But my other son, Barney, is extremely well hung. | But my other son, Barney, is extremely well hung. |
286 | 00:14:20,400 | 00:14:21,640 | He gets it from his father. | He gets it from his father. |
287 | 00:14:21,720 | 00:14:23,960 | -Are you proud of that? -Yes, very proud. | -Are you proud of that? -Yes, very proud. |
288 | 00:14:24,040 | 00:14:26,720 | Sadly, Jack didn't inherit that trait. | Sadly, Jack didn't inherit that trait. |
289 | 00:14:26,800 | 00:14:28,760 | Oh, my God. Not this again. | Oh, my God. Not this again. |
290 | 00:14:28,840 | 00:14:31,160 | - You're obsessed! -So he's never gonna have a problem | - You're obsessed! -So he's never gonna have a problem |
291 | 00:14:31,240 | 00:14:32,520 | with "tucking," is it called? | with "tucking," is it called? |
292 | 00:14:32,600 | 00:14:35,120 | Is it important for us to come up with a drag name? | Is it important for us to come up with a drag name? |
293 | 00:14:35,200 | 00:14:37,720 | Absolutely. How are we gonna introduce you otherwise? | Absolutely. How are we gonna introduce you otherwise? |
294 | 00:14:37,800 | 00:14:40,200 | Um, Daddy, have you had any thoughts? | Um, Daddy, have you had any thoughts? |
295 | 00:14:40,280 | 00:14:42,960 | -I have to say I haven't, no. -You haven't? | -I have to say I haven't, no. -You haven't? |
296 | 00:14:43,040 | 00:14:45,200 | What about if we lean into Michael's... | What about if we lean into Michael's... |
297 | 00:14:46,200 | 00:14:48,000 | -conservative nature? -Mm-hmm. | -conservative nature? -Mm-hmm. |
298 | 00:14:48,080 | 00:14:49,120 | Such as? | Such as? |
299 | 00:14:49,200 | 00:14:51,920 | We could call him "Rachel Prejudice." | We could call him "Rachel Prejudice." |
300 | 00:14:54,640 | 00:14:55,600 | "Rachel Slur"? | "Rachel Slur"? |
301 | 00:14:56,320 | 00:14:58,720 | -That's a nice one. That's new. -That's not been done. | -That's a nice one. That's new. -That's not been done. |
302 | 00:14:58,800 | 00:15:00,600 | Why don't I be "Dixie Normous"? | Why don't I be "Dixie Normous"? |
303 | 00:15:00,680 | 00:15:03,640 | I think more likely "Dixie Not-as-big-as-his-brother's." | I think more likely "Dixie Not-as-big-as-his-brother's." |
304 | 00:15:03,720 | 00:15:04,760 | Right. | Right. |
305 | 00:15:08,880 | 00:15:12,600 | We've come to the famous party area of Oxford Street to the Arq club | We've come to the famous party area of Oxford Street to the Arq club |
306 | 00:15:12,680 | 00:15:14,520 | because Hannah and the girls have entered us | because Hannah and the girls have entered us |
307 | 00:15:14,600 | 00:15:16,360 | into a notorious talent competition: | into a notorious talent competition: |
308 | 00:15:16,440 | 00:15:18,600 | Mini Cooper's Drags to Riches. | Mini Cooper's Drags to Riches. |
309 | 00:15:19,400 | 00:15:22,000 | As we wait backstage, I think Daddy's a bit nervous. | As we wait backstage, I think Daddy's a bit nervous. |
310 | 00:15:22,880 | 00:15:24,720 | Either that or he's tucked himself in too tight. | Either that or he's tucked himself in too tight. |
311 | 00:15:27,720 | 00:15:30,560 | Welcome to Arq Sydney, ladies and gentlemen | Welcome to Arq Sydney, ladies and gentlemen |
312 | 00:15:30,640 | 00:15:33,040 | and have we got a special night for you! | and have we got a special night for you! |
313 | 00:15:33,480 | 00:15:36,600 | Now, we're gonna meet our contestants. | Now, we're gonna meet our contestants. |
314 | 00:15:36,680 | 00:15:38,800 | Each act will take to the stage to perform, | Each act will take to the stage to perform, |
315 | 00:15:38,880 | 00:15:41,120 | and the judges will score them out of ten. | and the judges will score them out of ten. |
316 | 00:15:42,000 | 00:15:44,760 | And contestant number four! | And contestant number four! |
317 | 00:15:45,360 | 00:15:47,200 | Time to reveal our creations. | Time to reveal our creations. |
318 | 00:15:47,280 | 00:15:50,240 | I picked this very subtle evening dress and wings. | I picked this very subtle evening dress and wings. |
319 | 00:15:51,760 | 00:15:54,520 | Oh, yeah. Flying into your DMs. | Oh, yeah. Flying into your DMs. |
320 | 00:15:55,160 | 00:15:58,720 | And there was only one queen Daddy was dressing up as. | And there was only one queen Daddy was dressing up as. |
321 | 00:16:01,360 | 00:16:02,680 | Move over, Helen Mirren. | Move over, Helen Mirren. |
322 | 00:16:04,320 | 00:16:05,680 | God save her. | God save her. |
323 | 00:16:07,200 | 00:16:09,200 | Oh, hello, sweetheart. | Oh, hello, sweetheart. |
324 | 00:16:09,640 | 00:16:11,120 | What is your name? | What is your name? |
325 | 00:16:11,240 | 00:16:13,680 | You are the most fabulous thing I've ever seen. | You are the most fabulous thing I've ever seen. |
326 | 00:16:13,840 | 00:16:17,040 | I am the Queen of England, | I am the Queen of England, |
327 | 00:16:17,120 | 00:16:20,440 | and, for some inexplicable reason, | and, for some inexplicable reason, |
328 | 00:16:20,520 | 00:16:22,720 | the Queen of Australia as well. | the Queen of Australia as well. |
329 | 00:16:27,680 | 00:16:29,640 | And what is your name, sweetheart? | And what is your name, sweetheart? |
330 | 00:16:29,720 | 00:16:32,680 | Hello, dear, and g'day, Sydney! | Hello, dear, and g'day, Sydney! |
331 | 00:16:34,240 | 00:16:36,360 | My name is Jackie Whitehole. | My name is Jackie Whitehole. |
332 | 00:16:36,440 | 00:16:38,440 | So, have you done drag before? | So, have you done drag before? |
333 | 00:16:38,520 | 00:16:41,000 | I sashayed out of the womb in a six-inch heel. | I sashayed out of the womb in a six-inch heel. |
334 | 00:16:41,720 | 00:16:42,800 | Your poor mother. | Your poor mother. |
335 | 00:16:43,800 | 00:16:44,920 | It is her first time, | It is her first time, |
336 | 00:16:45,000 | 00:16:47,800 | so, if you see her shaking, it's because she's very nervous, | so, if you see her shaking, it's because she's very nervous, |
337 | 00:16:47,880 | 00:16:49,560 | or possibly having a stroke. | or possibly having a stroke. |
338 | 00:16:50,040 | 00:16:53,840 | And that's absolutely okay because I'll probably join you. Okay? | And that's absolutely okay because I'll probably join you. Okay? |
339 | 00:16:53,920 | 00:16:56,560 | Ladies, if you could please leave the stage. | Ladies, if you could please leave the stage. |
340 | 00:17:00,440 | 00:17:03,000 | The fun is about to begin. | The fun is about to begin. |
341 | 00:17:03,800 | 00:17:07,000 | Someone is going to walk away with a humongous prize. | Someone is going to walk away with a humongous prize. |
342 | 00:17:07,080 | 00:17:08,440 | I'm stuck in the curtain! | I'm stuck in the curtain! |
343 | 00:17:09,040 | 00:17:10,800 | What are you doing, you idiot? | What are you doing, you idiot? |
344 | 00:17:10,880 | 00:17:13,480 | Now you've ruined the fucking joint as well! | Now you've ruined the fucking joint as well! |
345 | 00:17:13,560 | 00:17:15,440 | Why don't you have a wider entrance? | Why don't you have a wider entrance? |
346 | 00:17:17,000 | 00:17:19,640 | Our first contestant tonight, ladies and gentlemen, | Our first contestant tonight, ladies and gentlemen, |
347 | 00:17:19,720 | 00:17:23,240 | please welcome to the stage Miranda Westfield. | please welcome to the stage Miranda Westfield. |
348 | 00:17:26,600 | 00:17:29,440 | Oh, my God! Hi! | Oh, my God! Hi! |
349 | 00:17:33,360 | 00:17:36,040 | ♪ It's finally my day I've had some chardonnay... ♪ | ♪ It's finally my day I've had some chardonnay... ♪ |
350 | 00:17:36,120 | 00:17:38,520 | Why don't I go see what our competition is like? | Why don't I go see what our competition is like? |
351 | 00:17:38,600 | 00:17:40,080 | Go check out the competition. | Go check out the competition. |
352 | 00:17:41,560 | 00:17:43,840 | Poke your head out 'round the door. See if they're any good. | Poke your head out 'round the door. See if they're any good. |
353 | 00:17:43,920 | 00:17:45,040 | We're gonna move right along. | We're gonna move right along. |
354 | 00:17:45,120 | 00:17:49,440 | Next up, we have the wonderful Saggittaria. | Next up, we have the wonderful Saggittaria. |
355 | 00:17:58,720 | 00:18:01,280 | Jack, do you know your mother's here? | Jack, do you know your mother's here? |
356 | 00:18:01,600 | 00:18:04,400 | Yeah. I asked her to come. She'll love it. | Yeah. I asked her to come. She'll love it. |
357 | 00:18:04,960 | 00:18:08,560 | She'll get the second daughter that she's always dreamed of having. | She'll get the second daughter that she's always dreamed of having. |
358 | 00:18:08,640 | 00:18:12,560 | Please welcome to the stage Decoda Secret! | Please welcome to the stage Decoda Secret! |
359 | 00:18:20,600 | 00:18:21,960 | Well, this is a blow. | Well, this is a blow. |
360 | 00:18:22,040 | 00:18:25,440 | Decoda's doing all the same moves that Daddy's been practicing. | Decoda's doing all the same moves that Daddy's been practicing. |
361 | 00:18:25,520 | 00:18:27,960 | I guess we'll have to quickly rethink our routine. | I guess we'll have to quickly rethink our routine. |
362 | 00:18:28,040 | 00:18:32,160 | This feels like it's either gonna be one of the best experiences of my life | This feels like it's either gonna be one of the best experiences of my life |
363 | 00:18:32,680 | 00:18:34,960 | or something that will haunt me for some time. | or something that will haunt me for some time. |
364 | 00:18:36,120 | 00:18:37,800 | It's not too late to call it off. | It's not too late to call it off. |
365 | 00:18:40,000 | 00:18:42,200 | And she's stolen Daddy's nipple tassels. | And she's stolen Daddy's nipple tassels. |
366 | 00:18:42,280 | 00:18:44,240 | Have these queens no shame? | Have these queens no shame? |
367 | 00:18:46,720 | 00:18:48,880 | I need my wings. I need my wings. | I need my wings. I need my wings. |
368 | 00:18:48,960 | 00:18:52,920 | We're about to go on, and backstage things are getting a little bit tense. | We're about to go on, and backstage things are getting a little bit tense. |
369 | 00:18:53,000 | 00:18:55,440 | - There's your wingman. -Wingman, please help me. | - There's your wingman. -Wingman, please help me. |
370 | 00:18:55,520 | 00:18:58,960 | Ladies and gentlemen, now it is time for the final act of the evening, | Ladies and gentlemen, now it is time for the final act of the evening, |
371 | 00:18:59,040 | 00:19:01,680 | like something you've never seen before. | like something you've never seen before. |
372 | 00:19:02,000 | 00:19:04,880 | Never seen before, but possibly not in a good way. | Never seen before, but possibly not in a good way. |
373 | 00:19:05,520 | 00:19:06,960 | Tighten them, tighten them. | Tighten them, tighten them. |
374 | 00:19:07,480 | 00:19:09,320 | Please welcome to the stage, | Please welcome to the stage, |
375 | 00:19:09,400 | 00:19:13,120 | Jackie Whitehole and Queen Elizabeth II. | Jackie Whitehole and Queen Elizabeth II. |
376 | 00:19:25,080 | 00:19:27,000 | -♪ What's the sense in sharing ♪ | -♪ What's the sense in sharing ♪ |
377 | 00:19:27,080 | 00:19:28,440 | ♪ This one and only life ♪ | ♪ This one and only life ♪ |
378 | 00:19:29,240 | 00:19:33,360 | ♪ Endin' up just another Lost and lonely wife ♪ | ♪ Endin' up just another Lost and lonely wife ♪ |
379 | 00:19:33,440 | 00:19:37,960 | At this point, I feel I should remind you I am doing this selflessly to help Daddy. | At this point, I feel I should remind you I am doing this selflessly to help Daddy. |
380 | 00:19:41,880 | 00:19:43,600 | ♪ Love only breaks up ♪ | ♪ Love only breaks up ♪ |
381 | 00:19:43,680 | 00:19:45,880 | ♪ To start over again ♪ | ♪ To start over again ♪ |
382 | 00:19:45,960 | 00:19:47,720 | ♪ You'll get the babies ♪ | ♪ You'll get the babies ♪ |
383 | 00:19:47,800 | 00:19:49,960 | ♪ But you won't have your man ♪ | ♪ But you won't have your man ♪ |
384 | 00:19:50,040 | 00:19:55,760 | ♪ While he is busy Loving every woman that he can ♪ | ♪ While he is busy Loving every woman that he can ♪ |
385 | 00:19:55,840 | 00:19:57,360 | ♪ Uh-huh ♪ | ♪ Uh-huh ♪ |
386 | 00:19:58,240 | 00:20:00,200 | ♪ Say "I'm gonna leave" ♪ | ♪ Say "I'm gonna leave" ♪ |
387 | 00:20:00,280 | 00:20:02,760 | ♪ A hundred times a day ♪ | ♪ A hundred times a day ♪ |
388 | 00:20:02,840 | 00:20:04,800 | ♪ It's easier said than done ♪ | ♪ It's easier said than done ♪ |
389 | 00:20:04,880 | 00:20:06,720 | ♪ When you just can't break away ♪ | ♪ When you just can't break away ♪ |
390 | 00:20:09,320 | 00:20:11,920 | Just when I had the audience in the palm of my hands | Just when I had the audience in the palm of my hands |
391 | 00:20:12,000 | 00:20:13,880 | someone decided to upstage me. | someone decided to upstage me. |
392 | 00:20:14,520 | 00:20:17,280 | Well, no one shows up Jackie Whitehole. | Well, no one shows up Jackie Whitehole. |
393 | 00:20:17,360 | 00:20:19,920 | Time to get this basic bitch out of my spotlight. | Time to get this basic bitch out of my spotlight. |
394 | 00:20:28,760 | 00:20:30,120 | Oh, for fuck's sake. | Oh, for fuck's sake. |
395 | 00:20:34,040 | 00:20:35,400 | ♪ Young hearts ♪ | ♪ Young hearts ♪ |
396 | 00:20:35,480 | 00:20:37,200 | ♪ To yourself be true ♪ | ♪ To yourself be true ♪ |
397 | 00:20:37,920 | 00:20:42,960 | ♪ Don't be no fool When love really don't love you ♪ | ♪ Don't be no fool When love really don't love you ♪ |
398 | 00:20:45,400 | 00:20:48,280 | ♪ Ooh, young hearts ♪ | ♪ Ooh, young hearts ♪ |
399 | 00:20:48,360 | 00:20:49,440 | Take that! | Take that! |
400 | 00:20:49,520 | 00:20:50,960 | You little bugger! | You little bugger! |
401 | 00:20:51,800 | 00:20:54,280 | Before Queenie gives me the full Meghan Markle treatment, | Before Queenie gives me the full Meghan Markle treatment, |
402 | 00:20:54,360 | 00:20:55,840 | Minnie Cooper ends it. | Minnie Cooper ends it. |
403 | 00:20:56,240 | 00:20:59,280 | Ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for Jackie Whitehole | Ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for Jackie Whitehole |
404 | 00:20:59,360 | 00:21:02,000 | and Queen Elizabeth II. | and Queen Elizabeth II. |
405 | 00:21:07,640 | 00:21:10,840 | Let me introduce the other contestants back to the stage. | Let me introduce the other contestants back to the stage. |
406 | 00:21:10,920 | 00:21:13,400 | The wonderful Miranda Westfield. | The wonderful Miranda Westfield. |
407 | 00:21:13,480 | 00:21:14,920 | But, have we done enough? | But, have we done enough? |
408 | 00:21:15,000 | 00:21:16,320 | Decoda Secret! | Decoda Secret! |
409 | 00:21:16,400 | 00:21:17,760 | As the performers gather, | As the performers gather, |
410 | 00:21:17,840 | 00:21:20,440 | the scores and the judgment come thick and fast. | the scores and the judgment come thick and fast. |
411 | 00:21:20,520 | 00:21:22,480 | Miranda's performance wins her a... | Miranda's performance wins her a... |
412 | 00:21:22,560 | 00:21:26,880 | Thirteen! Unlucky for some and lucky for others and unlucky for you. | Thirteen! Unlucky for some and lucky for others and unlucky for you. |
413 | 00:21:26,960 | 00:21:30,240 | Saggittari-ass scores higher at 21. | Saggittari-ass scores higher at 21. |
414 | 00:21:31,080 | 00:21:33,560 | But Decoda pips her to the post... | But Decoda pips her to the post... |
415 | 00:21:33,640 | 00:21:35,600 | -I'm gonna give you a nine. -...with 23. | -I'm gonna give you a nine. -...with 23. |
416 | 00:21:36,160 | 00:21:37,880 | Time for the moment of truth. | Time for the moment of truth. |
417 | 00:21:37,960 | 00:21:40,880 | Jackie Whitehole and Queen Elizabeth II, | Jackie Whitehole and Queen Elizabeth II, |
418 | 00:21:40,960 | 00:21:43,560 | -please step forward. - Watch those fucking wings. | -please step forward. - Watch those fucking wings. |
419 | 00:21:43,640 | 00:21:44,640 | Okay, here we go. | Okay, here we go. |
420 | 00:21:44,720 | 00:21:47,800 | I'm gonna give you guys a ten! | I'm gonna give you guys a ten! |
421 | 00:21:49,360 | 00:21:51,000 | Tora, what are you gonna give them? | Tora, what are you gonna give them? |
422 | 00:21:51,080 | 00:21:54,920 | I'll give you both a nine! | I'll give you both a nine! |
423 | 00:21:57,160 | 00:21:58,680 | And Fran. | And Fran. |
424 | 00:22:01,480 | 00:22:04,200 | -Ten. -Yes! | -Ten. -Yes! |
425 | 00:22:04,280 | 00:22:06,600 | Congratulations to our winners, | Congratulations to our winners, |
426 | 00:22:06,680 | 00:22:09,360 | Jackie Whitehole and Queen Elizabeth II. | Jackie Whitehole and Queen Elizabeth II. |
427 | 00:22:10,520 | 00:22:12,840 | One can't help but think they took pity on us. | One can't help but think they took pity on us. |
428 | 00:22:15,840 | 00:22:17,840 | Daddy seems to have really enjoyed himself, | Daddy seems to have really enjoyed himself, |
429 | 00:22:17,920 | 00:22:20,440 | which is nice but also slightly disturbing. | which is nice but also slightly disturbing. |
430 | 00:22:20,520 | 00:22:22,080 | I'm not sure it'll go down well | I'm not sure it'll go down well |
431 | 00:22:22,160 | 00:22:24,160 | if he dresses up like this for the wedding. | if he dresses up like this for the wedding. |
432 | 00:22:24,240 | 00:22:26,360 | Baby Winston, Daddy. | Baby Winston, Daddy. |
433 | 00:22:26,440 | 00:22:29,880 | If I were Molly's fiance, I would be running for the hills. | If I were Molly's fiance, I would be running for the hills. |
434 | 00:22:29,960 | 00:22:31,360 | How do I take these off? | How do I take these off? |
435 | 00:22:33,280 | 00:22:34,760 | That's weird. Wait. | That's weird. Wait. |
436 | 00:22:40,880 | 00:22:41,920 | And breathe. | And breathe. |
437 | 00:22:44,880 | 00:22:46,560 | Do you want me to untuck yours as well? | Do you want me to untuck yours as well? |
438 | 00:22:50,000 | 00:22:52,120 | With our makeup and dignity removed, | With our makeup and dignity removed, |
439 | 00:22:52,200 | 00:22:54,440 | I return to the hotel with my two mommies. | I return to the hotel with my two mommies. |
440 | 00:22:54,960 | 00:22:57,920 | And although we want to sleep, Hilary sees this as a chance | And although we want to sleep, Hilary sees this as a chance |
441 | 00:22:58,000 | 00:23:00,640 | to finalize yet more details for the wedding. | to finalize yet more details for the wedding. |
442 | 00:23:00,720 | 00:23:03,920 | Have you recovered from seeing your husband dressed as the Queen? | Have you recovered from seeing your husband dressed as the Queen? |
443 | 00:23:04,920 | 00:23:06,480 | I think he enjoyed it. | I think he enjoyed it. |
444 | 00:23:07,240 | 00:23:10,440 | I don't think I'll ever be able to look at a ten-pound note the same way again. | I don't think I'll ever be able to look at a ten-pound note the same way again. |
445 | 00:23:12,960 | 00:23:14,240 | On wedmin, | On wedmin, |
446 | 00:23:14,800 | 00:23:17,520 | can I just ask you a slightly contentious question? | can I just ask you a slightly contentious question? |
447 | 00:23:17,600 | 00:23:19,400 | -Sorry to ask you this. -Yeah. | -Sorry to ask you this. -Yeah. |
448 | 00:23:19,480 | 00:23:22,840 | But the plus-one situation for the wedding, | But the plus-one situation for the wedding, |
449 | 00:23:23,320 | 00:23:24,520 | I mean, obviously, um... | I mean, obviously, um... |
450 | 00:23:25,840 | 00:23:28,720 | Molly's getting married now. Barney's with Tats. | Molly's getting married now. Barney's with Tats. |
451 | 00:23:28,880 | 00:23:32,680 | And it's whether I'm gonna take Hannah Conda or Carmen Geddit? | And it's whether I'm gonna take Hannah Conda or Carmen Geddit? |
452 | 00:23:33,960 | 00:23:37,640 | -Is that the contentious issue? -That was the contentious question.Yeah. | -Is that the contentious issue? -That was the contentious question.Yeah. |
453 | 00:23:38,080 | 00:23:39,320 | No, I just feel... | No, I just feel... |
454 | 00:23:40,440 | 00:23:41,360 | you know. | you know. |
455 | 00:23:42,360 | 00:23:44,720 | Foolishly, I always thought you'd be the first to get married | Foolishly, I always thought you'd be the first to get married |
456 | 00:23:44,800 | 00:23:47,040 | 'cause you're the eldest and that's the logical thing. | 'cause you're the eldest and that's the logical thing. |
457 | 00:23:47,120 | 00:23:50,000 | Yeah, but I fucked up my chance at that. | Yeah, but I fucked up my chance at that. |
458 | 00:23:50,880 | 00:23:52,280 | I wouldn't say you "fucked it up." | I wouldn't say you "fucked it up." |
459 | 00:23:52,360 | 00:23:55,760 | I did. I could have got married, but I messed it up. | I did. I could have got married, but I messed it up. |
460 | 00:23:57,080 | 00:24:00,200 | I'm sorry that I will be attending the wedding alone. | I'm sorry that I will be attending the wedding alone. |
461 | 00:24:01,040 | 00:24:01,920 | I'm sorry that... | I'm sorry that... |
462 | 00:24:02,600 | 00:24:06,400 | you have two children who have model relationships... | you have two children who have model relationships... |
463 | 00:24:07,520 | 00:24:10,320 | -and then one who is gonna be there... -Don't be sorry. Don't be sorry. | -and then one who is gonna be there... -Don't be sorry. Don't be sorry. |
464 | 00:24:10,680 | 00:24:11,880 | -Also-- -...all on his own | -Also-- -...all on his own |
465 | 00:24:12,240 | 00:24:14,160 | and maybe trying to shag a bridesmaid. | and maybe trying to shag a bridesmaid. |
466 | 00:24:14,560 | 00:24:16,280 | One's married and one's six. | One's married and one's six. |
467 | 00:24:16,360 | 00:24:17,760 | -Okay. -So, probably not. | -Okay. -So, probably not. |
468 | 00:24:17,840 | 00:24:20,120 | -No, I definitely don't think... -I definitely don't think-- | -No, I definitely don't think... -I definitely don't think-- |
469 | 00:24:20,200 | 00:24:23,280 | -Okay, bridesmaids, off the cards. -No, that is not an option. Yeah. | -Okay, bridesmaids, off the cards. -No, that is not an option. Yeah. |
470 | 00:24:23,760 | 00:24:26,920 | You do have to work at relationships. They don't just happen. | You do have to work at relationships. They don't just happen. |
471 | 00:24:27,560 | 00:24:30,200 | Have you had to work at your relationship with my father? | Have you had to work at your relationship with my father? |
472 | 00:24:30,760 | 00:24:31,760 | One hundred percent. | One hundred percent. |
473 | 00:24:32,360 | 00:24:35,720 | I mean, I think, in terms of Daddy having children, | I mean, I think, in terms of Daddy having children, |
474 | 00:24:35,800 | 00:24:38,880 | I think he was probably a better father for being an older father. | I think he was probably a better father for being an older father. |
475 | 00:24:38,960 | 00:24:41,800 | 'Cause I think he would have been less tolerant. | 'Cause I think he would have been less tolerant. |
476 | 00:24:42,320 | 00:24:43,840 | I know he's pretty intolerant. | I know he's pretty intolerant. |
477 | 00:24:43,920 | 00:24:45,320 | There's... | There's... |
478 | 00:24:45,400 | 00:24:48,840 | -There's a less tolerant version? -Even less. Yeah, definitely. Definitely. | -There's a less tolerant version? -Even less. Yeah, definitely. Definitely. |
479 | 00:24:48,920 | 00:24:51,160 | Fucking hell! Imagine that. | Fucking hell! Imagine that. |
480 | 00:24:51,240 | 00:24:55,040 | I think the pool that you're looking in is perhaps not quite right. | I think the pool that you're looking in is perhaps not quite right. |
481 | 00:24:55,120 | 00:24:57,400 | I'm in the deep end, and I need to swim into-- | I'm in the deep end, and I need to swim into-- |
482 | 00:24:57,480 | 00:25:00,520 | Not the shallow end, actually. That again makes it sound like | Not the shallow end, actually. That again makes it sound like |
483 | 00:25:00,600 | 00:25:02,920 | -that's not what you should be doing. | -that's not what you should be doing. |
484 | 00:25:03,400 | 00:25:04,840 | I should get out of that pool. | I should get out of that pool. |
485 | 00:25:04,920 | 00:25:07,640 | -Let's get out of that particular-- -Find a different pool altogether. | -Let's get out of that particular-- -Find a different pool altogether. |
486 | 00:25:07,720 | 00:25:09,640 | -Yes, exactly. -Not swim into the shallow end. | -Yes, exactly. -Not swim into the shallow end. |
487 | 00:25:09,720 | 00:25:10,800 | That's the worst. | That's the worst. |
488 | 00:25:13,000 | 00:25:15,680 | -Thanks for that analogy, Mother. -Oh, dear. | -Thanks for that analogy, Mother. -Oh, dear. |
489 | 00:25:16,320 | 00:25:18,480 | -Jack. -You're very helpful. | -Jack. -You're very helpful. |
490 | 00:25:21,840 | 00:25:25,040 | It seems I have no alternative if I want to shut Mommy up. | It seems I have no alternative if I want to shut Mommy up. |
491 | 00:25:25,120 | 00:25:27,200 | I need to brush up my romancing skills. | I need to brush up my romancing skills. |
492 | 00:25:27,560 | 00:25:30,480 | So I signed up for a speed dating event at Urban Winery. | So I signed up for a speed dating event at Urban Winery. |
493 | 00:25:31,040 | 00:25:33,960 | They decided to come with me because nothing makes a date go better | They decided to come with me because nothing makes a date go better |
494 | 00:25:34,040 | 00:25:36,520 | than being man-mobbed by Mr. and Mrs. Buzzkill. | than being man-mobbed by Mr. and Mrs. Buzzkill. |
495 | 00:25:37,760 | 00:25:39,520 | This is a complete waste of time. | This is a complete waste of time. |
496 | 00:25:39,600 | 00:25:42,280 | - It's not-- -No, I don't need to speed date. | - It's not-- -No, I don't need to speed date. |
497 | 00:25:42,360 | 00:25:44,560 | I get so much female attention. | I get so much female attention. |
498 | 00:25:44,640 | 00:25:46,640 | -To be dragged some nights-- -You do? | -To be dragged some nights-- -You do? |
499 | 00:25:47,160 | 00:25:49,440 | -Yes. -But not from the right kind of woman. | -Yes. -But not from the right kind of woman. |
500 | 00:25:49,520 | 00:25:52,040 | These are gonna be sophisticated women. This is a winery. | These are gonna be sophisticated women. This is a winery. |
501 | 00:25:52,120 | 00:25:54,400 | Now, come on. Be real. | Now, come on. Be real. |
502 | 00:25:55,120 | 00:25:58,800 | You think these girls that we're gonna see now are gonna be sophisticated? | You think these girls that we're gonna see now are gonna be sophisticated? |
503 | 00:25:59,560 | 00:26:02,960 | They'll just be sort of desperate slag types. | They'll just be sort of desperate slag types. |
504 | 00:26:03,760 | 00:26:06,480 | -Which is where Jack should be aiming for. -Michael! | -Which is where Jack should be aiming for. -Michael! |
505 | 00:26:06,560 | 00:26:09,440 | - Absolute nonsense. - Have you got protection? | - Absolute nonsense. - Have you got protection? |
506 | 00:26:10,680 | 00:26:12,680 | -What? -He's not gonna move that quickly. | -What? -He's not gonna move that quickly. |
507 | 00:26:12,760 | 00:26:14,680 | -This is speed dating. -You never know. | -This is speed dating. -You never know. |
508 | 00:26:15,080 | 00:26:18,440 | -I don't want grandchildren... -Ridiculous. | -I don't want grandchildren... -Ridiculous. |
509 | 00:26:18,520 | 00:26:20,520 | -Not on a first date. -Jesus! | -Not on a first date. -Jesus! |
510 | 00:26:20,600 | 00:26:21,480 | After you. | After you. |
511 | 00:26:21,560 | 00:26:23,520 | - Oh, God. | - Oh, God. |
512 | 00:26:23,600 | 00:26:25,200 | Right, I think you can go now. | Right, I think you can go now. |
513 | 00:26:25,680 | 00:26:26,920 | No, I'm gonna come in and just-- | No, I'm gonna come in and just-- |
514 | 00:26:27,000 | 00:26:29,920 | No, you're not coming in with me. Come back in 20 minutes. | No, you're not coming in with me. Come back in 20 minutes. |
515 | 00:26:30,000 | 00:26:31,960 | If I was ten years younger... | If I was ten years younger... |
516 | 00:26:32,040 | 00:26:35,080 | -Ten years younger? -...I could well be into some of that. | -Ten years younger? -...I could well be into some of that. |
517 | 00:26:35,160 | 00:26:37,960 | What, 69? And you'd be there leering over all of them? | What, 69? And you'd be there leering over all of them? |
518 | 00:26:38,040 | 00:26:40,040 | Well, obviously not with Mom still here. | Well, obviously not with Mom still here. |
519 | 00:26:40,480 | 00:26:42,120 | - Right, well, good luck. -Wait. | - Right, well, good luck. -Wait. |
520 | 00:26:43,200 | 00:26:45,920 | -What do you want? -I do want a mint. My breath smells. | -What do you want? -I do want a mint. My breath smells. |
521 | 00:26:46,440 | 00:26:48,320 | You were so rude about my fanny pack. | You were so rude about my fanny pack. |
522 | 00:26:48,400 | 00:26:50,520 | -Right, Mommy's mints. -Don't call them Mommy's mints. | -Right, Mommy's mints. -Don't call them Mommy's mints. |
523 | 00:26:50,600 | 00:26:51,800 | Mommy's mints. | Mommy's mints. |
524 | 00:26:51,880 | 00:26:53,840 | Do you want a Mommy's-- Put one in your pocket. | Do you want a Mommy's-- Put one in your pocket. |
525 | 00:26:55,600 | 00:26:57,440 | -Okay, good-bye. -Good-bye. | -Okay, good-bye. -Good-bye. |
526 | 00:27:00,800 | 00:27:02,840 | This event is called Conscious Dating, | This event is called Conscious Dating, |
527 | 00:27:02,920 | 00:27:06,040 | and given the amount of wine on offer we won't be conscious for long. | and given the amount of wine on offer we won't be conscious for long. |
528 | 00:27:06,120 | 00:27:09,880 | Organizer Kaila says it's all about creating thoughtful conversation. | Organizer Kaila says it's all about creating thoughtful conversation. |
529 | 00:27:10,480 | 00:27:13,440 | Yeah, sounds more like an excuse for a piss-up to me. | Yeah, sounds more like an excuse for a piss-up to me. |
530 | 00:27:13,920 | 00:27:16,280 | Okay, so how this is going to work, guys, | Okay, so how this is going to work, guys, |
531 | 00:27:16,360 | 00:27:18,600 | is that everyone has a card in front of them. | is that everyone has a card in front of them. |
532 | 00:27:18,680 | 00:27:20,720 | I want you to write your name and mobile number | I want you to write your name and mobile number |
533 | 00:27:20,800 | 00:27:22,160 | on the front of the card. | on the front of the card. |
534 | 00:27:22,240 | 00:27:25,800 | At the end of the event, once we've put all of our matches together, | At the end of the event, once we've put all of our matches together, |
535 | 00:27:25,880 | 00:27:29,160 | I'm gonna let you know who is also interested in seeing you again. | I'm gonna let you know who is also interested in seeing you again. |
536 | 00:27:29,440 | 00:27:32,400 | First glass. If everyone could pick up the first glass for me. | First glass. If everyone could pick up the first glass for me. |
537 | 00:27:32,480 | 00:27:34,920 | This taller, skinnier glass, the white wine. | This taller, skinnier glass, the white wine. |
538 | 00:27:35,000 | 00:27:37,760 | -Do you think I'm allowed to just... -Yeah. | -Do you think I'm allowed to just... -Yeah. |
539 | 00:27:38,520 | 00:27:39,880 | -I won't tell. - He saw that. | -I won't tell. - He saw that. |
540 | 00:27:39,960 | 00:27:41,720 | -It's fine. -He definitely saw that. | -It's fine. -He definitely saw that. |
541 | 00:27:43,440 | 00:27:44,840 | White wine is white wine. | White wine is white wine. |
542 | 00:27:44,920 | 00:27:47,480 | Do you know what? I'm just gonna stick that in there as well. | Do you know what? I'm just gonna stick that in there as well. |
543 | 00:27:47,560 | 00:27:49,520 | 'Cause I think I need to get a little head start. | 'Cause I think I need to get a little head start. |
544 | 00:27:53,280 | 00:27:55,440 | Uh-oh, does that mean I have to match you? | Uh-oh, does that mean I have to match you? |
545 | 00:27:55,760 | 00:27:57,760 | -Be un-Australian of me not too. -That hit the spot. | -Be un-Australian of me not too. -That hit the spot. |
546 | 00:27:57,840 | 00:27:59,120 | That hit the spot. | That hit the spot. |
547 | 00:28:02,720 | 00:28:04,640 | If you could be an animal, what would it be? | If you could be an animal, what would it be? |
548 | 00:28:04,720 | 00:28:05,880 | An emu! | An emu! |
549 | 00:28:05,960 | 00:28:08,680 | -Second fastest bird on the planet. Um. -They have long necks. | -Second fastest bird on the planet. Um. -They have long necks. |
550 | 00:28:08,760 | 00:28:13,920 | Their eggs are the same volume as the equivalent of nine chicken eggs. | Their eggs are the same volume as the equivalent of nine chicken eggs. |
551 | 00:28:14,000 | 00:28:16,280 | -Do you like eggs? -They're double-feathered. | -Do you like eggs? -They're double-feathered. |
552 | 00:28:17,280 | 00:28:18,520 | Feathers are cool. | Feathers are cool. |
553 | 00:28:19,120 | 00:28:20,400 | They won a war. | They won a war. |
554 | 00:28:20,920 | 00:28:23,600 | -They did. Excellent note. -The Australian National Army. Yeah. | -They did. Excellent note. -The Australian National Army. Yeah. |
555 | 00:28:24,080 | 00:28:25,520 | Loving the emu chat. | Loving the emu chat. |
556 | 00:28:25,600 | 00:28:28,200 | Might go to second base, start talking ostrich. | Might go to second base, start talking ostrich. |
557 | 00:28:28,280 | 00:28:30,560 | I feel like I need to be an Australian animal. | I feel like I need to be an Australian animal. |
558 | 00:28:30,640 | 00:28:33,080 | -Which animal would you be? -I'm not gonna roll with koalas | -Which animal would you be? -I'm not gonna roll with koalas |
559 | 00:28:33,160 | 00:28:35,160 | 'cause they're quite, like, popular right now. | 'cause they're quite, like, popular right now. |
560 | 00:28:35,240 | 00:28:37,560 | -That would be too easy. -And they can give you chlamydia. | -That would be too easy. -And they can give you chlamydia. |
561 | 00:28:37,640 | 00:28:41,240 | Which is why you should always rubber up if you're gonna have sex with one. | Which is why you should always rubber up if you're gonna have sex with one. |
562 | 00:28:44,160 | 00:28:47,520 | -Wow, that is-- -It was quite a strong joke. | -Wow, that is-- -It was quite a strong joke. |
563 | 00:28:47,600 | 00:28:48,800 | So... | So... |
564 | 00:28:50,000 | 00:28:51,160 | The bell. | The bell. |
565 | 00:28:51,240 | 00:28:54,000 | -Say good-bye, and ladies-- - Jack! Jack! | -Say good-bye, and ladies-- - Jack! Jack! |
566 | 00:28:54,640 | 00:28:57,160 | -Oh, God. -Make sure you're filling in your form. | -Oh, God. -Make sure you're filling in your form. |
567 | 00:28:57,240 | 00:29:00,800 | -I want to just make sure you're okay. -Right. Okay, thank you. Fuck off. | -I want to just make sure you're okay. -Right. Okay, thank you. Fuck off. |
568 | 00:29:01,400 | 00:29:03,680 | Who let them back in? Security! | Who let them back in? Security! |
569 | 00:29:04,240 | 00:29:07,760 | So, we're gonna have a little break, so you can go to the bar, the bathroom. | So, we're gonna have a little break, so you can go to the bar, the bathroom. |
570 | 00:29:08,280 | 00:29:10,200 | Right. Time to get rid of them. | Right. Time to get rid of them. |
571 | 00:29:10,560 | 00:29:12,240 | This is the ultimate cockblock, okay? | This is the ultimate cockblock, okay? |
572 | 00:29:12,320 | 00:29:15,280 | Me trying to date through there, having you... | Me trying to date through there, having you... |
573 | 00:29:15,720 | 00:29:18,320 | -How's it going? -First date was a little bit awks. | -How's it going? -First date was a little bit awks. |
574 | 00:29:18,400 | 00:29:22,440 | First dates are awkward. Our first date wasn't exactly a picnic, was it? | First dates are awkward. Our first date wasn't exactly a picnic, was it? |
575 | 00:29:22,520 | 00:29:24,400 | Well, not when I first met you. | Well, not when I first met you. |
576 | 00:29:24,480 | 00:29:27,040 | You know what happened, I've told you, when I met Mommy? | You know what happened, I've told you, when I met Mommy? |
577 | 00:29:27,120 | 00:29:28,840 | On our very first date. | On our very first date. |
578 | 00:29:28,920 | 00:29:31,320 | I went to this party, and Mommy was there. | I went to this party, and Mommy was there. |
579 | 00:29:31,920 | 00:29:36,440 | When I realized she was an actress, it was being like given a magnet | When I realized she was an actress, it was being like given a magnet |
580 | 00:29:36,520 | 00:29:39,680 | -and you could pull them straight to you. -What can I say? I needed an agent. | -and you could pull them straight to you. -What can I say? I needed an agent. |
581 | 00:29:39,760 | 00:29:44,080 | Were you famous at that point for helping actresses sleep their way to the bottom? | Were you famous at that point for helping actresses sleep their way to the bottom? |
582 | 00:29:44,160 | 00:29:45,320 | No, I was not. | No, I was not. |
583 | 00:29:45,800 | 00:29:47,240 | I was a very distinguished agent | I was a very distinguished agent |
584 | 00:29:47,320 | 00:29:50,520 | with a list of extremely distinguished actors. | with a list of extremely distinguished actors. |
585 | 00:29:50,600 | 00:29:51,840 | This is the worst pep talk ever. | This is the worst pep talk ever. |
586 | 00:29:51,920 | 00:29:53,000 | -There's the bell. | -There's the bell. |
587 | 00:29:53,080 | 00:29:55,360 | Two of you stay here, shut up. No... | Two of you stay here, shut up. No... |
588 | 00:29:56,280 | 00:29:57,520 | -interfering. -Just remember-- | -interfering. -Just remember-- |
589 | 00:29:57,600 | 00:29:59,680 | you've not got your wingwoman with you today. | you've not got your wingwoman with you today. |
590 | 00:29:59,760 | 00:30:02,680 | You are not my wingwoman. You've never been my wingwoman. | You are not my wingwoman. You've never been my wingwoman. |
591 | 00:30:03,440 | 00:30:06,160 | With parents like that, thank God for alcohol. | With parents like that, thank God for alcohol. |
592 | 00:30:07,880 | 00:30:08,920 | Jack. | Jack. |
593 | 00:30:09,000 | 00:30:11,600 | Ask this one if she wants to have babies. | Ask this one if she wants to have babies. |
594 | 00:30:11,680 | 00:30:12,800 | Why the fuck would I ask-- | Why the fuck would I ask-- |
595 | 00:30:12,880 | 00:30:14,800 | This is a very important element of dating. | This is a very important element of dating. |
596 | 00:30:14,880 | 00:30:17,680 | I'm not asking a stranger if they want to have babies. | I'm not asking a stranger if they want to have babies. |
597 | 00:30:19,040 | 00:30:20,200 | I'll get arrested. | I'll get arrested. |
598 | 00:30:20,760 | 00:30:23,880 | Jack, make sure you ask her what her father does. | Jack, make sure you ask her what her father does. |
599 | 00:30:25,720 | 00:30:28,440 | -Hi, I'm Lisa. Nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you. | -Hi, I'm Lisa. Nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you. |
600 | 00:30:28,520 | 00:30:31,600 | -Jack, don't fuck this one up. -Right. | -Jack, don't fuck this one up. -Right. |
601 | 00:30:32,280 | 00:30:35,080 | -She looks like she could be a winner. -Sorry, this is very surreal. | -She looks like she could be a winner. -Sorry, this is very surreal. |
602 | 00:30:35,160 | 00:30:37,040 | -Um, how are you? -Good. How are you? | -Um, how are you? -Good. How are you? |
603 | 00:30:37,120 | 00:30:38,600 | Good. I'm a little-- | Good. I'm a little-- |
604 | 00:30:38,680 | 00:30:42,160 | I'm-- I've slightly rushed ahead with the drinks. | I'm-- I've slightly rushed ahead with the drinks. |
605 | 00:30:43,360 | 00:30:44,560 | Are you a wine drinker? | Are you a wine drinker? |
606 | 00:30:44,640 | 00:30:47,720 | Not at all, actually. I'm from the Caribbean. | Not at all, actually. I'm from the Caribbean. |
607 | 00:30:47,800 | 00:30:49,120 | -Cool. -Yeah. | -Cool. -Yeah. |
608 | 00:30:49,200 | 00:30:51,080 | This one seems to be going well. | This one seems to be going well. |
609 | 00:30:51,160 | 00:30:52,680 | Do you want to hear my English accent? | Do you want to hear my English accent? |
610 | 00:30:52,760 | 00:30:54,000 | -Yeah. -Okay. | -Yeah. -Okay. |
611 | 00:30:54,520 | 00:30:57,200 | Would you like a cup of tea and a pound of cake? | Would you like a cup of tea and a pound of cake? |
612 | 00:30:57,280 | 00:30:58,960 | -No, that's pretty good. -Is it good? | -No, that's pretty good. -Is it good? |
613 | 00:30:59,040 | 00:31:01,800 | Yeah. That's probably better than my Caribbean accent. | Yeah. That's probably better than my Caribbean accent. |
614 | 00:31:01,880 | 00:31:03,200 | Let me hear your Caribbean accent. | Let me hear your Caribbean accent. |
615 | 00:31:03,280 | 00:31:04,840 | Am I definitely allowed to? | Am I definitely allowed to? |
616 | 00:31:05,600 | 00:31:06,880 | Go for your life. | Go for your life. |
617 | 00:31:09,200 | 00:31:10,040 | -Uh... -Yeah? | -Uh... -Yeah? |
618 | 00:31:11,400 | 00:31:13,600 | I like-- Oh, God! | I like-- Oh, God! |
619 | 00:31:14,760 | 00:31:17,480 | I can. Surely, I can. Wait, ready? | I can. Surely, I can. Wait, ready? |
620 | 00:31:18,720 | 00:31:20,680 | Whoa! That's some dirty wine. | Whoa! That's some dirty wine. |
621 | 00:31:22,280 | 00:31:25,040 | God, he's just done a Jamaican accent! | God, he's just done a Jamaican accent! |
622 | 00:31:25,520 | 00:31:26,760 | What's wrong with that? | What's wrong with that? |
623 | 00:31:27,360 | 00:31:28,520 | Good job. | Good job. |
624 | 00:31:28,600 | 00:31:32,240 | -Like Bob Marley returned from the dead. | -Like Bob Marley returned from the dead. |
625 | 00:31:32,960 | 00:31:36,680 | Hope you're enjoying the wine. So ladies are gonna keep rolling this way. | Hope you're enjoying the wine. So ladies are gonna keep rolling this way. |
626 | 00:31:36,760 | 00:31:38,240 | -Lovely to meet you. -Nice to meet you. | -Lovely to meet you. -Nice to meet you. |
627 | 00:31:38,840 | 00:31:42,320 | Jack, don't let that one go. Go and give her your number. | Jack, don't let that one go. Go and give her your number. |
628 | 00:31:43,600 | 00:31:44,480 | Jack! | Jack! |
629 | 00:31:45,120 | 00:31:48,200 | -Give her your number. -I'm having a date with another person. | -Give her your number. -I'm having a date with another person. |
630 | 00:31:48,720 | 00:31:49,720 | -Hello. -Hello, darling. | -Hello. -Hello, darling. |
631 | 00:31:49,800 | 00:31:51,360 | -Very nice to meet you. -How are you? | -Very nice to meet you. -How are you? |
632 | 00:31:51,440 | 00:31:52,840 | You're a good looker, aren't you? | You're a good looker, aren't you? |
633 | 00:31:52,920 | 00:31:54,760 | Thank you very much. Likewise. | Thank you very much. Likewise. |
634 | 00:31:54,840 | 00:31:56,480 | -I love your outfit. -Do you? | -I love your outfit. -Do you? |
635 | 00:31:56,560 | 00:31:58,840 | It's wonderful. I was going to wear a similar thing. | It's wonderful. I was going to wear a similar thing. |
636 | 00:31:58,920 | 00:32:01,560 | -I have to ask you to put your drink down. -Okay. | -I have to ask you to put your drink down. -Okay. |
637 | 00:32:02,600 | 00:32:06,280 | And what I have to do is do a body search. | And what I have to do is do a body search. |
638 | 00:32:06,360 | 00:32:07,520 | -Okay. Yeah. -All right? | -Okay. Yeah. -All right? |
639 | 00:32:07,600 | 00:32:09,880 | So, I'm just gonna... | So, I'm just gonna... |
640 | 00:32:09,960 | 00:32:11,520 | Yeah, you're nice and firm there. | Yeah, you're nice and firm there. |
641 | 00:32:11,600 | 00:32:13,080 | Yep. Oh, yep. | Yep. Oh, yep. |
642 | 00:32:13,160 | 00:32:15,520 | I'm afraid I don't have a permit for these guns. | I'm afraid I don't have a permit for these guns. |
643 | 00:32:15,600 | 00:32:16,840 | No, that's okay. | No, that's okay. |
644 | 00:32:17,280 | 00:32:20,080 | There's quite a lot of physical stuff going on. | There's quite a lot of physical stuff going on. |
645 | 00:32:21,760 | 00:32:23,200 | Good there... good there... | Good there... good there... |
646 | 00:32:23,840 | 00:32:25,800 | Oh, my God. Oh, my God. | Oh, my God. Oh, my God. |
647 | 00:32:26,440 | 00:32:28,280 | Do you think she works in security? | Do you think she works in security? |
648 | 00:32:30,600 | 00:32:31,720 | You're pretty good. | You're pretty good. |
649 | 00:32:31,800 | 00:32:33,920 | She certainly looks like a handful. | She certainly looks like a handful. |
650 | 00:32:34,000 | 00:32:36,200 | -I didn't get your name. -My name? | -I didn't get your name. -My name? |
651 | 00:32:36,280 | 00:32:37,520 | -Yes. -My name is Dollbaby. | -Yes. -My name is Dollbaby. |
652 | 00:32:37,600 | 00:32:39,880 | -"Dollbaby," lovely. -Everybody knows me as Dollbaby. | -"Dollbaby," lovely. -Everybody knows me as Dollbaby. |
653 | 00:32:39,960 | 00:32:41,880 | Okay, Dollboy. | Okay, Dollboy. |
654 | 00:32:42,280 | 00:32:44,080 | I like that. | I like that. |
655 | 00:32:46,040 | 00:32:47,080 | I like you. | I like you. |
656 | 00:32:47,160 | 00:32:49,120 | -Yes, Dollbaby. -You're pretty edible. | -Yes, Dollbaby. -You're pretty edible. |
657 | 00:32:49,200 | 00:32:50,920 | -Oh, thank you, Dollbaby. -Yeah. | -Oh, thank you, Dollbaby. -Yeah. |
658 | 00:32:51,560 | 00:32:52,840 | Are you a wine connoisseur? | Are you a wine connoisseur? |
659 | 00:32:52,920 | 00:32:56,200 | -Do you enjoy wineries? -No, because-- I'll tell you what happens. | -Do you enjoy wineries? -No, because-- I'll tell you what happens. |
660 | 00:32:56,280 | 00:32:58,760 | -I have one glass and I'm tipsy. -Really? | -I have one glass and I'm tipsy. -Really? |
661 | 00:32:58,840 | 00:33:01,720 | -Ahh. Yes. -I have two glasses, | -Ahh. Yes. -I have two glasses, |
662 | 00:33:01,800 | 00:33:04,400 | and I'm... I'm getting there. | and I'm... I'm getting there. |
663 | 00:33:04,480 | 00:33:07,000 | Third glass, I'm under the table and I don't know who I'm fucking. | Third glass, I'm under the table and I don't know who I'm fucking. |
664 | 00:33:09,760 | 00:33:10,880 | That's it. | That's it. |
665 | 00:33:10,960 | 00:33:13,160 | -That's how it goes. -Wow. | -That's how it goes. -Wow. |
666 | 00:33:13,240 | 00:33:14,640 | -I'll destroy you. -Yeah. | -I'll destroy you. -Yeah. |
667 | 00:33:14,720 | 00:33:17,440 | No, I have no doubt that would be the case. | No, I have no doubt that would be the case. |
668 | 00:33:17,520 | 00:33:20,080 | -I can see-- -I'll destroy you. | -I can see-- -I'll destroy you. |
669 | 00:33:21,560 | 00:33:22,680 | I would chew you up... | I would chew you up... |
670 | 00:33:23,320 | 00:33:24,920 | and spit you out. | and spit you out. |
671 | 00:33:28,080 | 00:33:29,240 | Yeah. | Yeah. |
672 | 00:33:29,320 | 00:33:30,560 | I'm kind of terrified. | I'm kind of terrified. |
673 | 00:33:31,280 | 00:33:32,640 | That's a normal reaction. | That's a normal reaction. |
674 | 00:33:34,000 | 00:33:35,800 | That's... that's normal, darling. | That's... that's normal, darling. |
675 | 00:33:37,440 | 00:33:41,200 | What was on the back of your belt there? The... the thing... | What was on the back of your belt there? The... the thing... |
676 | 00:33:42,040 | 00:33:44,040 | - Ring the bell. -You just wanna see my ass. | - Ring the bell. -You just wanna see my ass. |
677 | 00:33:44,120 | 00:33:47,000 | -What? No, I was just checking the thing. -Are you sure? | -What? No, I was just checking the thing. -Are you sure? |
678 | 00:33:47,080 | 00:33:48,080 | Oh, my God. Ring the bell. | Oh, my God. Ring the bell. |
679 | 00:33:48,680 | 00:33:49,880 | -You sure about that? -Yes. | -You sure about that? -Yes. |
680 | 00:33:49,960 | 00:33:51,480 | Okay. | Okay. |
681 | 00:33:51,560 | 00:33:53,280 | -Thank God. | -Thank God. |
682 | 00:33:54,680 | 00:33:56,960 | So, that is our dating event. | So, that is our dating event. |
683 | 00:33:57,040 | 00:33:59,080 | Dollbaby, until the next time. | Dollbaby, until the next time. |
684 | 00:34:00,520 | 00:34:01,560 | Enchanté. | Enchanté. |
685 | 00:34:02,840 | 00:34:05,400 | Well, that's my plus-one for the wedding sorted. | Well, that's my plus-one for the wedding sorted. |
686 | 00:34:05,480 | 00:34:07,120 | And the results are in. | And the results are in. |
687 | 00:34:07,680 | 00:34:10,240 | Three out of three. Pretty pleased with that. | Three out of three. Pretty pleased with that. |
688 | 00:34:10,320 | 00:34:11,880 | - Yeah. -What do I do next? | - Yeah. -What do I do next? |
689 | 00:34:11,960 | 00:34:14,920 | I wouldn't do anything at the moment. Your blood's up. | I wouldn't do anything at the moment. Your blood's up. |
690 | 00:34:15,000 | 00:34:18,000 | I'd just go home, take it easy, | I'd just go home, take it easy, |
691 | 00:34:18,440 | 00:34:23,040 | maybe have one off the wrist, and then make decisions in the morning, okay? | maybe have one off the wrist, and then make decisions in the morning, okay? |
692 | 00:34:23,520 | 00:34:26,080 | -I'm gonna take that. -No. Why? Those are my dates. | -I'm gonna take that. -No. Why? Those are my dates. |
693 | 00:34:26,160 | 00:34:29,080 | I'm going to call them and decide who is the most suitable. | I'm going to call them and decide who is the most suitable. |
694 | 00:34:29,160 | 00:34:30,320 | I don't trust you. | I don't trust you. |
695 | 00:34:30,400 | 00:34:32,440 | -I think that's a good idea. -They're gonna love that. | -I think that's a good idea. -They're gonna love that. |
696 | 00:34:32,520 | 00:34:34,480 | No, I think that's a very good idea. | No, I think that's a very good idea. |
697 | 00:34:34,560 | 00:34:36,400 | What, you vetting my dates? | What, you vetting my dates? |
698 | 00:34:36,480 | 00:34:37,520 | Yes. | Yes. |
699 | 00:34:40,280 | 00:34:43,200 | It's our last day in Sydney, and I've organized something for them | It's our last day in Sydney, and I've organized something for them |
700 | 00:34:43,280 | 00:34:44,840 | that's typically Australian. | that's typically Australian. |
701 | 00:34:45,240 | 00:34:47,000 | We're at the Sydney Cricket Ground, | We're at the Sydney Cricket Ground, |
702 | 00:34:47,080 | 00:34:50,080 | one of the oldest and most prestigious stadiums in Australia, | one of the oldest and most prestigious stadiums in Australia, |
703 | 00:34:50,600 | 00:34:52,040 | home to the Sydney Sixers | home to the Sydney Sixers |
704 | 00:34:52,840 | 00:34:54,000 | and the Twenty20 League. | and the Twenty20 League. |
705 | 00:34:54,720 | 00:34:56,920 | Instead of the usual five-day format, | Instead of the usual five-day format, |
706 | 00:34:57,000 | 00:34:59,800 | this version is entertaining. See? | this version is entertaining. See? |
707 | 00:34:59,880 | 00:35:01,080 | None of that crowd are asleep. | None of that crowd are asleep. |
708 | 00:35:01,680 | 00:35:05,320 | With mascots and fireworks, this is a far cry from Lord's. | With mascots and fireworks, this is a far cry from Lord's. |
709 | 00:35:06,160 | 00:35:07,000 | SCG. | SCG. |
710 | 00:35:08,400 | 00:35:11,560 | -Quite a lot of history here, eh, Pops? - Certainly is. | -Quite a lot of history here, eh, Pops? - Certainly is. |
711 | 00:35:11,840 | 00:35:15,720 | Some of the biggest cheats in Australian cricketing history have played here. | Some of the biggest cheats in Australian cricketing history have played here. |
712 | 00:35:15,800 | 00:35:18,280 | Let's keep that chat to a minimum today, please. | Let's keep that chat to a minimum today, please. |
713 | 00:35:18,680 | 00:35:21,960 | We're here to meet retired international cricketer, Brett Lee, | We're here to meet retired international cricketer, Brett Lee, |
714 | 00:35:22,040 | 00:35:25,000 | the second-fastest bowler in the history of cricket, | the second-fastest bowler in the history of cricket, |
715 | 00:35:25,080 | 00:35:28,320 | setting a record of 100.1 miles per hour. | setting a record of 100.1 miles per hour. |
716 | 00:35:29,040 | 00:35:31,520 | He also lost the Ashes to England in 2005. | He also lost the Ashes to England in 2005. |
717 | 00:35:32,480 | 00:35:33,400 | Just saying. | Just saying. |
718 | 00:35:34,120 | 00:35:36,960 | Welcome to my home, the beautiful Sydney Cricket Ground. | Welcome to my home, the beautiful Sydney Cricket Ground. |
719 | 00:35:37,040 | 00:35:41,720 | This is a very historical place, a great venue to watch some great cricket at. | This is a very historical place, a great venue to watch some great cricket at. |
720 | 00:35:41,800 | 00:35:43,440 | We have a great day lined up for you. | We have a great day lined up for you. |
721 | 00:35:43,520 | 00:35:46,040 | This afternoon, we're gonna watch the Sydney Sixers take on | This afternoon, we're gonna watch the Sydney Sixers take on |
722 | 00:35:46,120 | 00:35:47,200 | the Melbourne Stars. | the Melbourne Stars. |
723 | 00:35:47,280 | 00:35:50,320 | But you can't come to the SCG and not have a hit. | But you can't come to the SCG and not have a hit. |
724 | 00:35:51,280 | 00:35:54,800 | - Oh, yeah. -So, Jack and Mike, you came for a hit? | - Oh, yeah. -So, Jack and Mike, you came for a hit? |
725 | 00:35:54,880 | 00:35:57,200 | I think probably not myself, no. | I think probably not myself, no. |
726 | 00:35:57,280 | 00:35:59,480 | I mean, Mrs. Whitehall's quite a cricketer. | I mean, Mrs. Whitehall's quite a cricketer. |
727 | 00:35:59,560 | 00:36:01,600 | -I'll have a hit. -The one with the talent, yeah? | -I'll have a hit. -The one with the talent, yeah? |
728 | 00:36:01,680 | 00:36:03,360 | We have a long-standing rivalry. | We have a long-standing rivalry. |
729 | 00:36:03,440 | 00:36:04,800 | I used to play cricket at school. | I used to play cricket at school. |
730 | 00:36:04,880 | 00:36:07,480 | I was a very keen cricketer. I think I had a promising career. | I was a very keen cricketer. I think I had a promising career. |
731 | 00:36:07,560 | 00:36:09,240 | And then we had an infamous... | And then we had an infamous... |
732 | 00:36:09,520 | 00:36:12,200 | Um, well, it was meant to be fathers versus sons game. | Um, well, it was meant to be fathers versus sons game. |
733 | 00:36:12,280 | 00:36:15,200 | And he obviously wasn't up to the task 'cause he was, | And he obviously wasn't up to the task 'cause he was, |
734 | 00:36:15,440 | 00:36:17,120 | -I don't know... -I was very busy. | -I don't know... -I was very busy. |
735 | 00:36:17,200 | 00:36:20,000 | ...pissed or on holiday or whatever. Couldn't be bothered to come down | ...pissed or on holiday or whatever. Couldn't be bothered to come down |
736 | 00:36:20,080 | 00:36:22,560 | -to my boarding school. -I was in the office slaving away. | -to my boarding school. -I was in the office slaving away. |
737 | 00:36:22,640 | 00:36:23,960 | -Sure you were. -A career, | -Sure you were. -A career, |
738 | 00:36:24,040 | 00:36:27,280 | as one of the top theatrical agents in the country. | as one of the top theatrical agents in the country. |
739 | 00:36:27,360 | 00:36:31,600 | So I was playing against ten dads and my mother. | So I was playing against ten dads and my mother. |
740 | 00:36:32,160 | 00:36:33,560 | She bowled me, clean bowled me... | She bowled me, clean bowled me... |
741 | 00:36:33,640 | 00:36:35,920 | -Got you out. -...in front of all my friends at school. | -Got you out. -...in front of all my friends at school. |
742 | 00:36:36,000 | 00:36:40,040 | It was one of the most humiliating moments of my sporting career. | It was one of the most humiliating moments of my sporting career. |
743 | 00:36:40,120 | 00:36:41,160 | I think I never recovered. | I think I never recovered. |
744 | 00:36:41,240 | 00:36:44,560 | -It's good that he's let it go. -I know. He's had years of therapy. | -It's good that he's let it go. -I know. He's had years of therapy. |
745 | 00:36:44,640 | 00:36:48,200 | I could've been a great sportsman. That was the moment I lost all confidence. | I could've been a great sportsman. That was the moment I lost all confidence. |
746 | 00:36:48,280 | 00:36:50,400 | -Yeah. -What about we do a forfeit? Whoever... | -Yeah. -What about we do a forfeit? Whoever... |
747 | 00:36:50,880 | 00:36:52,240 | -We have to have a loser. -Yeah. | -We have to have a loser. -Yeah. |
748 | 00:36:52,320 | 00:36:54,480 | We might have to go indoors 'cause it's starting to rain. | We might have to go indoors 'cause it's starting to rain. |
749 | 00:36:54,560 | 00:36:55,680 | Time for me to get revenge. | Time for me to get revenge. |
750 | 00:36:55,760 | 00:36:57,600 | -Let's do it. Australia versus England. -No way. | -Let's do it. Australia versus England. -No way. |
751 | 00:36:57,680 | 00:36:59,000 | I'll bowl a bouncer on your head. | I'll bowl a bouncer on your head. |
752 | 00:36:59,080 | 00:37:02,480 | You did manage to embarrass me in lots of other ways, Jack. | You did manage to embarrass me in lots of other ways, Jack. |
753 | 00:37:03,480 | 00:37:04,960 | Just like at the drag show, | Just like at the drag show, |
754 | 00:37:05,040 | 00:37:07,280 | it's time to get padded up and ready for action. | it's time to get padded up and ready for action. |
755 | 00:37:07,560 | 00:37:10,720 | Our bowler is Ellyse Perry, 2019 Cricketer of the Year, | Our bowler is Ellyse Perry, 2019 Cricketer of the Year, |
756 | 00:37:11,480 | 00:37:13,280 | known for her high bowling speeds. | known for her high bowling speeds. |
757 | 00:37:13,360 | 00:37:15,840 | Not looking forward to being on the receiving end. | Not looking forward to being on the receiving end. |
758 | 00:37:16,360 | 00:37:17,360 | No pressure. | No pressure. |
759 | 00:37:17,440 | 00:37:19,880 | I'm looking forward to it. | I'm looking forward to it. |
760 | 00:37:19,960 | 00:37:21,640 | Why are you dressed as a butcher? | Why are you dressed as a butcher? |
761 | 00:37:23,160 | 00:37:24,400 | You look ridiculous. | You look ridiculous. |
762 | 00:37:24,920 | 00:37:26,240 | Who's gonna go first? | Who's gonna go first? |
763 | 00:37:26,320 | 00:37:28,200 | I think age before beauty, definitely. | I think age before beauty, definitely. |
764 | 00:37:28,280 | 00:37:29,880 | -Okay, Mother. -Thank you very much. | -Okay, Mother. -Thank you very much. |
765 | 00:37:30,800 | 00:37:32,920 | -Glove up. - Glove up. | -Glove up. - Glove up. |
766 | 00:37:33,000 | 00:37:35,360 | To make it easy on us, we won't be scoring runs. | To make it easy on us, we won't be scoring runs. |
767 | 00:37:35,440 | 00:37:37,200 | We'll each receive four balls, | We'll each receive four balls, |
768 | 00:37:37,280 | 00:37:39,680 | and the person who's bowled out the least, wins. | and the person who's bowled out the least, wins. |
769 | 00:37:41,880 | 00:37:43,880 | Have you got any good sausages on offer? | Have you got any good sausages on offer? |
770 | 00:37:45,480 | 00:37:46,480 | Clean her out. | Clean her out. |
771 | 00:37:47,200 | 00:37:49,040 | I hit one! | I hit one! |
772 | 00:37:49,120 | 00:37:51,800 | Maybe one to the helmet now and then take her out. | Maybe one to the helmet now and then take her out. |
773 | 00:37:53,440 | 00:37:56,040 | -Shot! - Nice shot, Hilary. | -Shot! - Nice shot, Hilary. |
774 | 00:37:56,160 | 00:37:57,320 | Come on, Ellyse! | Come on, Ellyse! |
775 | 00:37:57,960 | 00:37:59,840 | Clean her out, middle stump. | Clean her out, middle stump. |
776 | 00:38:04,320 | 00:38:06,040 | - Fuck! -Are you all right? | - Fuck! -Are you all right? |
777 | 00:38:06,320 | 00:38:09,160 | I've got rather an inadequate shoe to stop that one. | I've got rather an inadequate shoe to stop that one. |
778 | 00:38:11,760 | 00:38:14,080 | -Oh! Bad luck, Mother. | -Oh! Bad luck, Mother. |
779 | 00:38:14,600 | 00:38:15,880 | Mother's out once. | Mother's out once. |
780 | 00:38:15,960 | 00:38:19,200 | All I need to do is not get bowled out, and I win. | All I need to do is not get bowled out, and I win. |
781 | 00:38:19,600 | 00:38:21,200 | Time to settle an old score. | Time to settle an old score. |
782 | 00:38:21,640 | 00:38:24,600 | I'm just trying to get Ellyse in the right frame of mind. | I'm just trying to get Ellyse in the right frame of mind. |
783 | 00:38:24,680 | 00:38:26,480 | It's a pom, remember? Good luck. | It's a pom, remember? Good luck. |
784 | 00:38:27,080 | 00:38:28,000 | Play. | Play. |
785 | 00:38:28,080 | 00:38:30,160 | "Play"? That's not something umpires say. | "Play"? That's not something umpires say. |
786 | 00:38:32,560 | 00:38:34,440 | - Oh, yes! - Yes. | - Oh, yes! - Yes. |
787 | 00:38:34,520 | 00:38:36,080 | - Bollocks. - Yes! | - Bollocks. - Yes! |
788 | 00:38:36,160 | 00:38:39,960 | That out means it's a draw. Must avoid total humiliation. | That out means it's a draw. Must avoid total humiliation. |
789 | 00:38:40,040 | 00:38:41,160 | Oh, God. | Oh, God. |
790 | 00:38:42,240 | 00:38:45,080 | I need to get into her head, Daddy. Be aggressive. | I need to get into her head, Daddy. Be aggressive. |
791 | 00:38:46,320 | 00:38:47,960 | Nice shot. | Nice shot. |
792 | 00:38:48,040 | 00:38:49,560 | Take that. | Take that. |
793 | 00:38:51,000 | 00:38:52,880 | Why is he coming towards me? | Why is he coming towards me? |
794 | 00:38:53,480 | 00:38:55,080 | That's very disconcerting. | That's very disconcerting. |
795 | 00:38:55,160 | 00:38:56,600 | I'm trying to concentrate. | I'm trying to concentrate. |
796 | 00:38:56,680 | 00:38:59,600 | I've got the ghost of Hamlet drifting towards me. | I've got the ghost of Hamlet drifting towards me. |
797 | 00:39:01,400 | 00:39:03,160 | Just keep your ass in, Jack. | Just keep your ass in, Jack. |
798 | 00:39:04,280 | 00:39:05,200 | Oi! | Oi! |
799 | 00:39:06,320 | 00:39:08,760 | Okay, maybe taunting her wasn't a good idea. | Okay, maybe taunting her wasn't a good idea. |
800 | 00:39:09,280 | 00:39:10,320 | You want some baby wipes? | You want some baby wipes? |
801 | 00:39:12,440 | 00:39:14,360 | If I get bowled out, Mommy wins. | If I get bowled out, Mommy wins. |
802 | 00:39:14,440 | 00:39:17,720 | And what's worse, Daddy's intentionally trying to put me off. | And what's worse, Daddy's intentionally trying to put me off. |
803 | 00:39:18,360 | 00:39:21,840 | Must stay focused. | Must stay focused. |
804 | 00:39:21,920 | 00:39:23,760 | My arm! | My arm! |
805 | 00:39:24,960 | 00:39:26,760 | Yes, middle peg! | Yes, middle peg! |
806 | 00:39:27,600 | 00:39:28,840 | I won! | I won! |
807 | 00:39:29,840 | 00:39:30,800 | What are you doing? | What are you doing? |
808 | 00:39:30,880 | 00:39:32,720 | High-five! Ellyse. | High-five! Ellyse. |
809 | 00:39:32,800 | 00:39:35,520 | My watch strap. You know I have trouble with this watch strap. | My watch strap. You know I have trouble with this watch strap. |
810 | 00:39:35,600 | 00:39:39,080 | -It got stuck with one of my hairs. What? -Don't shout just as the ball is coming. | -It got stuck with one of my hairs. What? -Don't shout just as the ball is coming. |
811 | 00:39:39,560 | 00:39:43,280 | -I thought you were having a heart attack. -No, I just-- You try. | -I thought you were having a heart attack. -No, I just-- You try. |
812 | 00:39:43,680 | 00:39:46,000 | It's quite painful if you've got a bracelet | It's quite painful if you've got a bracelet |
813 | 00:39:46,080 | 00:39:48,360 | and you have a hair stuck in it. | and you have a hair stuck in it. |
814 | 00:39:48,440 | 00:39:50,760 | -Look at the mark it's made. -I won. | -Look at the mark it's made. -I won. |
815 | 00:39:50,840 | 00:39:54,280 | If a 79-year-old man shouts, "Oh, my arm!" you're gonna think that-- | If a 79-year-old man shouts, "Oh, my arm!" you're gonna think that-- |
816 | 00:39:54,360 | 00:39:56,000 | -No. -What's the forfeit? | -No. -What's the forfeit? |
817 | 00:39:56,080 | 00:39:58,680 | You should see what we have in store for you. I can't tell yet. | You should see what we have in store for you. I can't tell yet. |
818 | 00:40:00,240 | 00:40:02,600 | Typical! I've been ganged up on again. | Typical! I've been ganged up on again. |
819 | 00:40:04,200 | 00:40:05,440 | Bowled by a girl. | Bowled by a girl. |
820 | 00:40:06,880 | 00:40:08,480 | Bowled by a girl. | Bowled by a girl. |
821 | 00:40:08,560 | 00:40:11,520 | She's the International Cricketer of the Year, not "a girl." | She's the International Cricketer of the Year, not "a girl." |
822 | 00:40:11,600 | 00:40:13,960 | She's still a girl, whatever she is. | She's still a girl, whatever she is. |
823 | 00:40:14,520 | 00:40:17,760 | -Pathetic. -I thought you were having a heart attack. | -Pathetic. -I thought you were having a heart attack. |
824 | 00:40:17,840 | 00:40:20,440 | That's very sweet of you to have thought that. | That's very sweet of you to have thought that. |
825 | 00:40:20,520 | 00:40:23,560 | What I say to you: don't get too up yourself | What I say to you: don't get too up yourself |
826 | 00:40:23,640 | 00:40:25,760 | for having been bowled out by a woman. | for having been bowled out by a woman. |
827 | 00:40:25,840 | 00:40:29,840 | Don't get ahead of yourself thinking that it was me turning around in sympathy. | Don't get ahead of yourself thinking that it was me turning around in sympathy. |
828 | 00:40:29,920 | 00:40:31,840 | I was thinking, "Yes! Inheritance." | I was thinking, "Yes! Inheritance." |
829 | 00:40:32,800 | 00:40:36,200 | Bitterly disappointed to see that it was just a hair in the watch strap. | Bitterly disappointed to see that it was just a hair in the watch strap. |
830 | 00:40:36,280 | 00:40:38,840 | I could have scattered your ashes in your butcher shop. | I could have scattered your ashes in your butcher shop. |
831 | 00:40:39,440 | 00:40:41,200 | Are you ready, Jack? | Are you ready, Jack? |
832 | 00:40:42,720 | 00:40:44,080 | Brett has organized for me | Brett has organized for me |
833 | 00:40:44,160 | 00:40:47,640 | to wear the Sydney Sixers mascot costume. Brilliant. | to wear the Sydney Sixers mascot costume. Brilliant. |
834 | 00:40:47,720 | 00:40:48,640 | It's very tight. | It's very tight. |
835 | 00:40:48,720 | 00:40:50,720 | And it's extremely hot. | And it's extremely hot. |
836 | 00:40:50,800 | 00:40:51,960 | It's a bit kid-sized. | It's a bit kid-sized. |
837 | 00:40:54,200 | 00:40:55,160 | Oh, my God. | Oh, my God. |
838 | 00:40:56,760 | 00:40:57,600 | Jack. | Jack. |
839 | 00:40:58,040 | 00:40:59,360 | Oh, my God! | Oh, my God! |
840 | 00:40:59,840 | 00:41:01,720 | I'm glad you're enjoying this moment. | I'm glad you're enjoying this moment. |
841 | 00:41:01,800 | 00:41:03,480 | - I've got to get a picture. -No! | - I've got to get a picture. -No! |
842 | 00:41:03,560 | 00:41:05,720 | -I am. Jack, smile! -Have you got that boxed? | -I am. Jack, smile! -Have you got that boxed? |
843 | 00:41:05,800 | 00:41:08,200 | 'Cause it's looking very skimpy down there. | 'Cause it's looking very skimpy down there. |
844 | 00:41:09,720 | 00:41:10,840 | Honestly, I'm sorry. | Honestly, I'm sorry. |
845 | 00:41:10,920 | 00:41:11,760 | -Good? -Yeah. | -Good? -Yeah. |
846 | 00:41:11,840 | 00:41:13,040 | I love it. | I love it. |
847 | 00:41:13,120 | 00:41:14,920 | - I need help up. -Literally love it. | - I need help up. -Literally love it. |
848 | 00:41:16,200 | 00:41:18,320 | Can you give me a thumbs-up, Brett? Ready? | Can you give me a thumbs-up, Brett? Ready? |
849 | 00:41:19,440 | 00:41:20,360 | Love it. | Love it. |
850 | 00:41:20,440 | 00:41:21,880 | -Mate, this is gold. -Oh, God. | -Mate, this is gold. -Oh, God. |
851 | 00:41:21,960 | 00:41:23,840 | - I'll see you later. -Okay, bye. | - I'll see you later. -Okay, bye. |
852 | 00:41:23,920 | 00:41:25,280 | -Bye, Mom. Bye, Daddy. -Good-bye. | -Bye, Mom. Bye, Daddy. -Good-bye. |
853 | 00:41:25,360 | 00:41:26,200 | -Bye. -High-five. | -Bye. -High-five. |
854 | 00:41:26,280 | 00:41:27,280 | Wish me luck. | Wish me luck. |
855 | 00:41:27,840 | 00:41:28,720 | See you, mate. | See you, mate. |
856 | 00:41:29,320 | 00:41:30,960 | -Watch your feet. - Mind the wall! | -Watch your feet. - Mind the wall! |
857 | 00:41:31,040 | 00:41:33,200 | -Jack! - Fuck. | -Jack! - Fuck. |
858 | 00:41:33,280 | 00:41:35,840 | Help! It's very hard to see in this. | Help! It's very hard to see in this. |
859 | 00:41:35,920 | 00:41:37,880 | The rosebush! You all right? | The rosebush! You all right? |
860 | 00:41:39,400 | 00:41:40,600 | -You all right? -Yeah. | -You all right? -Yeah. |
861 | 00:41:40,680 | 00:41:42,400 | - Bye. - Good-bye. | - Bye. - Good-bye. |
862 | 00:41:43,520 | 00:41:44,760 | The crowds are gathering | The crowds are gathering |
863 | 00:41:44,840 | 00:41:48,120 | because tonight the Melbourne Stars are playing the Sydney Sixers. | because tonight the Melbourne Stars are playing the Sydney Sixers. |
864 | 00:41:48,200 | 00:41:50,680 | And it's my job to entertain the masses. | And it's my job to entertain the masses. |
865 | 00:41:56,040 | 00:41:58,320 | -Big Jack Whitehall fan, are you? -What? | -Big Jack Whitehall fan, are you? -What? |
866 | 00:41:58,400 | 00:41:59,800 | Big Jack Whitehall fan? | Big Jack Whitehall fan? |
867 | 00:41:59,880 | 00:42:01,280 | Never heard of him, mate. | Never heard of him, mate. |
868 | 00:42:08,840 | 00:42:10,680 | This was meant to be a forfeit, | This was meant to be a forfeit, |
869 | 00:42:11,440 | 00:42:14,120 | but I feel like I've finally found my calling. | but I feel like I've finally found my calling. |
870 | 00:42:14,200 | 00:42:15,480 | I was born to mascot. | I was born to mascot. |
871 | 00:42:16,400 | 00:42:17,720 | This is the best job ever. | This is the best job ever. |
872 | 00:42:18,200 | 00:42:21,880 | You can literally behave however you want, and everyone just goes with it. | You can literally behave however you want, and everyone just goes with it. |
873 | 00:42:23,400 | 00:42:25,160 | Hey! Did you see that? | Hey! Did you see that? |
874 | 00:42:26,520 | 00:42:27,480 | Hey. | Hey. |
875 | 00:42:28,000 | 00:42:30,320 | It's my fuckin' turf, mate. What are you doing? | It's my fuckin' turf, mate. What are you doing? |
876 | 00:42:31,000 | 00:42:32,400 | Go find your own space. | Go find your own space. |
877 | 00:42:32,960 | 00:42:34,280 | Get off me! | Get off me! |
878 | 00:42:36,040 | 00:42:37,480 | Don't make me 69 you. | Don't make me 69 you. |
879 | 00:42:41,000 | 00:42:42,200 | Dick. | Dick. |
880 | 00:42:44,280 | 00:42:48,040 | Just as I finish what was probably one of the best performances of my life, | Just as I finish what was probably one of the best performances of my life, |
881 | 00:42:48,560 | 00:42:49,680 | the heavens open, | the heavens open, |
882 | 00:42:49,760 | 00:42:51,120 | and play is suspended. | and play is suspended. |
883 | 00:42:54,400 | 00:42:57,440 | So we decide to call it quits and head back to the hotel | So we decide to call it quits and head back to the hotel |
884 | 00:42:57,520 | 00:42:59,240 | because tomorrow is a big day. | because tomorrow is a big day. |
885 | 00:43:06,400 | 00:43:08,520 | This morning Mommy's packing to return home | This morning Mommy's packing to return home |
886 | 00:43:08,600 | 00:43:10,440 | to organize my sister's wedding. | to organize my sister's wedding. |
887 | 00:43:10,520 | 00:43:15,000 | And finally, Daddy and I can head off on our boys' road trip into the bush. | And finally, Daddy and I can head off on our boys' road trip into the bush. |
888 | 00:43:20,040 | 00:43:21,120 | -G'day, mate. | -G'day, mate. |
889 | 00:43:22,840 | 00:43:24,600 | Jack, please. | Jack, please. |
890 | 00:43:25,240 | 00:43:26,880 | -Mumsa. -Hello. | -Mumsa. -Hello. |
891 | 00:43:27,800 | 00:43:29,560 | You haven't come here to annoy me, have you? | You haven't come here to annoy me, have you? |
892 | 00:43:29,640 | 00:43:30,800 | -No. -A lot to do. | -No. -A lot to do. |
893 | 00:43:30,880 | 00:43:33,520 | Make sure he's got swimming trunks 'cause we're going up the coast. | Make sure he's got swimming trunks 'cause we're going up the coast. |
894 | 00:43:33,600 | 00:43:36,520 | Can I just absolutely ascertain | Can I just absolutely ascertain |
895 | 00:43:36,920 | 00:43:40,400 | that you'll promise me, promise, promise, promise... | that you'll promise me, promise, promise, promise... |
896 | 00:43:41,360 | 00:43:46,040 | on Winston's life that you're gonna get... Michael back for the wedding on time. | on Winston's life that you're gonna get... Michael back for the wedding on time. |
897 | 00:43:46,120 | 00:43:48,800 | I promise you 100% on my life | I promise you 100% on my life |
898 | 00:43:48,880 | 00:43:51,560 | that I will get Daddy back in time for the wedding. | that I will get Daddy back in time for the wedding. |
899 | 00:43:51,640 | 00:43:53,360 | -In one piece. -In one piece. | -In one piece. -In one piece. |
900 | 00:43:54,000 | 00:43:55,200 | How do you focus this? | How do you focus this? |
901 | 00:43:55,280 | 00:44:00,160 | The lens cap's on so that's probably why you're having a bit of difficulty. | The lens cap's on so that's probably why you're having a bit of difficulty. |
902 | 00:44:02,240 | 00:44:05,840 | -I assume you want all your ties, Michael. - Yes. | -I assume you want all your ties, Michael. - Yes. |
903 | 00:44:05,920 | 00:44:06,960 | "Yes." | "Yes." |
904 | 00:44:08,600 | 00:44:09,440 | It's alive. | It's alive. |
905 | 00:44:10,000 | 00:44:12,160 | How many Y-fronts do you want to keep? | How many Y-fronts do you want to keep? |
906 | 00:44:12,400 | 00:44:16,040 | I'd probably get through with one pair 'cause you can wash them for me. | I'd probably get through with one pair 'cause you can wash them for me. |
907 | 00:44:16,120 | 00:44:18,160 | Can I just say, Jack, on that front-- | Can I just say, Jack, on that front-- |
908 | 00:44:18,240 | 00:44:20,000 | I'm not washing his Y-fronts. | I'm not washing his Y-fronts. |
909 | 00:44:20,080 | 00:44:21,720 | Do you know where to do it when traveling? | Do you know where to do it when traveling? |
910 | 00:44:21,800 | 00:44:23,040 | You get in the bath, | You get in the bath, |
911 | 00:44:23,600 | 00:44:25,840 | you put all the dirty underwear in the bath with you, | you put all the dirty underwear in the bath with you, |
912 | 00:44:25,920 | 00:44:28,600 | you wash it with shampoo when you're having a bath. | you wash it with shampoo when you're having a bath. |
913 | 00:44:28,680 | 00:44:31,480 | Then when you get out, you rinse it under the tap, | Then when you get out, you rinse it under the tap, |
914 | 00:44:31,560 | 00:44:33,880 | hang it on a coat hanger, and you're done. You're good to go. | hang it on a coat hanger, and you're done. You're good to go. |
915 | 00:44:34,240 | 00:44:37,120 | -You're a monster. -Actually, you have to roll it in a towel. | -You're a monster. -Actually, you have to roll it in a towel. |
916 | 00:44:37,200 | 00:44:39,960 | -No, it's the way to do it. -My mother is a monster. | -No, it's the way to do it. -My mother is a monster. |
917 | 00:44:40,040 | 00:44:41,840 | What time's your car to the airport? | What time's your car to the airport? |
918 | 00:44:42,640 | 00:44:45,000 | -Hang on here. -Come on. Let's get this show on the road. | -Hang on here. -Come on. Let's get this show on the road. |
919 | 00:44:45,880 | 00:44:48,160 | -Yeah. I haven't finished. - Hilary. | -Yeah. I haven't finished. - Hilary. |
920 | 00:44:48,240 | 00:44:49,720 | You're being ridiculous. | You're being ridiculous. |
921 | 00:44:49,800 | 00:44:51,840 | -Please don't make a mess. -It's all going to fit in. | -Please don't make a mess. -It's all going to fit in. |
922 | 00:44:51,920 | 00:44:54,560 | -Just get-- Put it in. -I will do it. There's a system. | -Just get-- Put it in. -I will do it. There's a system. |
923 | 00:44:54,640 | 00:44:55,960 | I'll show you how to pack. | I'll show you how to pack. |
924 | 00:44:57,160 | 00:45:00,600 | Michael, can you get him out of here? 'Cause he's driving me nuts now. | Michael, can you get him out of here? 'Cause he's driving me nuts now. |
925 | 00:45:01,160 | 00:45:04,280 | -That is so horrible. -No, it's so he can breathe on the plane. | -That is so horrible. -No, it's so he can breathe on the plane. |
926 | 00:45:05,800 | 00:45:08,800 | -Absolutely ridiculous. -So ludicrous. | -Absolutely ridiculous. -So ludicrous. |
927 | 00:45:08,880 | 00:45:11,000 | I'll go check on your Uber. | I'll go check on your Uber. |
928 | 00:45:11,720 | 00:45:14,840 | It's gonna have to wait 'cause this is a disaster. | It's gonna have to wait 'cause this is a disaster. |
929 | 00:45:14,920 | 00:45:15,840 | Sorry, Winsty. | Sorry, Winsty. |
930 | 00:45:16,400 | 00:45:17,760 | Daddy's here now. | Daddy's here now. |
931 | 00:45:19,520 | 00:45:21,640 | Do you know what, I'm actually honestly quite touched | Do you know what, I'm actually honestly quite touched |
932 | 00:45:21,720 | 00:45:25,000 | that he's... excited about spending this time with me. | that he's... excited about spending this time with me. |
933 | 00:45:25,080 | 00:45:26,600 | I thought his traveling days were over. | I thought his traveling days were over. |
934 | 00:45:27,320 | 00:45:30,480 | Frankly I'd be prepared to go anywhere | Frankly I'd be prepared to go anywhere |
935 | 00:45:30,560 | 00:45:36,280 | to avoid being in my house with Hilary talking about weddings. | to avoid being in my house with Hilary talking about weddings. |
936 | 00:45:37,840 | 00:45:40,520 | With Mommy UK-bound and Daddy clearly ecstatic | With Mommy UK-bound and Daddy clearly ecstatic |
937 | 00:45:40,600 | 00:45:42,360 | to be on another road trip with me, | to be on another road trip with me, |
938 | 00:45:42,440 | 00:45:45,880 | we're leaving Sydney behind and driving north, up the coast | we're leaving Sydney behind and driving north, up the coast |
939 | 00:45:45,960 | 00:45:47,960 | to Byron Bay, New South Wales. | to Byron Bay, New South Wales. |
940 | 00:45:48,920 | 00:45:51,280 | After that, we're visiting Queensland | After that, we're visiting Queensland |
941 | 00:45:51,360 | 00:45:55,480 | and then heading into the outback to Uluru, also known as Ayers Rock. | and then heading into the outback to Uluru, also known as Ayers Rock. |
942 | 00:45:57,640 | 00:46:01,200 | I'm actually feeling very guilty that I've deserted your mother. | I'm actually feeling very guilty that I've deserted your mother. |
943 | 00:46:01,280 | 00:46:04,320 | -Don't worry. We're gonna have fun. -What are we gonna do on this trip? | -Don't worry. We're gonna have fun. -What are we gonna do on this trip? |
944 | 00:46:04,400 | 00:46:06,040 | We're heading into the bush now. | We're heading into the bush now. |
945 | 00:46:06,480 | 00:46:08,520 | It's quite important, if we're heading into the bush, | It's quite important, if we're heading into the bush, |
946 | 00:46:08,600 | 00:46:11,200 | that we do a bit of survival technique first. | that we do a bit of survival technique first. |
947 | 00:46:11,280 | 00:46:14,200 | We're gonna meet a guy who's gonna take us through that. | We're gonna meet a guy who's gonna take us through that. |
948 | 00:46:14,400 | 00:46:16,640 | So you can brush up on your bush survival skills, | So you can brush up on your bush survival skills, |
949 | 00:46:16,720 | 00:46:18,480 | which will be very useful for you. | which will be very useful for you. |
950 | 00:46:21,680 | 00:46:23,080 | What is that you're eating? | What is that you're eating? |
951 | 00:46:23,160 | 00:46:25,440 | Lamington finger, it's an Aussie classic. | Lamington finger, it's an Aussie classic. |
952 | 00:46:25,520 | 00:46:26,880 | Sounds gross. | Sounds gross. |
953 | 00:46:28,160 | 00:46:30,520 | -A "Lamington finger"? -Yeah. | -A "Lamington finger"? -Yeah. |
954 | 00:46:30,600 | 00:46:32,600 | Sounds like a thing at school. | Sounds like a thing at school. |
955 | 00:46:33,160 | 00:46:35,520 | -Mr. Lamington, the head of geography... | -Mr. Lamington, the head of geography... |
956 | 00:46:35,600 | 00:46:37,400 | ...and what he did with his finger. | ...and what he did with his finger. |
957 | 00:46:38,320 | 00:46:39,600 | Really gross. | Really gross. |
958 | 00:46:41,440 | 00:46:43,480 | Do you want me to slip you a Lamington finger? | Do you want me to slip you a Lamington finger? |
959 | 00:46:43,560 | 00:46:44,760 | No, thank you. | No, thank you. |
960 | 00:46:46,240 | 00:46:48,240 | In my mind, you can't go into the bush | In my mind, you can't go into the bush |
961 | 00:46:48,320 | 00:46:50,000 | without knowing how to survive there, | without knowing how to survive there, |
962 | 00:46:50,080 | 00:46:53,840 | so I've arranged to meet Mr. Wilderness himself, Cockatoo Paul. | so I've arranged to meet Mr. Wilderness himself, Cockatoo Paul. |
963 | 00:46:54,400 | 00:46:57,160 | He's been teaching bushcraft for over 25 years, | He's been teaching bushcraft for over 25 years, |
964 | 00:46:57,240 | 00:46:58,640 | and has even lived and learned | and has even lived and learned |
965 | 00:46:58,720 | 00:47:01,400 | from Aboriginal communities throughout Australia. | from Aboriginal communities throughout Australia. |
966 | 00:47:01,480 | 00:47:03,520 | He says he can teach anyone to be a bushman, | He says he can teach anyone to be a bushman, |
967 | 00:47:03,600 | 00:47:06,000 | but Cockatoo Paul has never met us. | but Cockatoo Paul has never met us. |
968 | 00:47:06,400 | 00:47:07,800 | G'day, mate. You get lost? | G'day, mate. You get lost? |
969 | 00:47:07,880 | 00:47:08,880 | Yeah, sorry. | Yeah, sorry. |
970 | 00:47:08,960 | 00:47:10,720 | -My father. -How do you do? | -My father. -How do you do? |
971 | 00:47:10,800 | 00:47:12,200 | -Nice shirt, mate. -Nice to meet you. | -Nice shirt, mate. -Nice to meet you. |
972 | 00:47:12,280 | 00:47:13,200 | Thank you very much. | Thank you very much. |
973 | 00:47:13,280 | 00:47:17,240 | Today, I think he needs a bit of your help with survival... | Today, I think he needs a bit of your help with survival... |
974 | 00:47:18,320 | 00:47:20,480 | how to get by in the bush. | how to get by in the bush. |
975 | 00:47:20,560 | 00:47:24,200 | I watch a lot of nature documentaries, so I feel like I'm pretty well-equipped. | I watch a lot of nature documentaries, so I feel like I'm pretty well-equipped. |
976 | 00:47:24,280 | 00:47:26,320 | You can watch as many Jackie Chan movies as you want, | You can watch as many Jackie Chan movies as you want, |
977 | 00:47:26,400 | 00:47:28,440 | it's not gonna turn you into a black belt, is it? | it's not gonna turn you into a black belt, is it? |
978 | 00:47:28,520 | 00:47:30,400 | So we need to go out and get our hands dirty. | So we need to go out and get our hands dirty. |
979 | 00:47:30,480 | 00:47:33,880 | What I'm saying is that, he is, like-- You're starting from square one. | What I'm saying is that, he is, like-- You're starting from square one. |
980 | 00:47:33,960 | 00:47:36,000 | With me, I would say I'm intermediary level. | With me, I would say I'm intermediary level. |
981 | 00:47:36,480 | 00:47:38,200 | Oh. We'll soon find out, won't we? | Oh. We'll soon find out, won't we? |
982 | 00:47:38,280 | 00:47:40,920 | -I'll be fine-tuning my bush skills. -All right. | -I'll be fine-tuning my bush skills. -All right. |
983 | 00:47:41,440 | 00:47:44,120 | What do you do if there was a snake that attacked you? | What do you do if there was a snake that attacked you? |
984 | 00:47:44,200 | 00:47:45,520 | Well, they don't, for a start. | Well, they don't, for a start. |
985 | 00:47:45,600 | 00:47:48,240 | -Generally speaking, you-- -That's why it was a trick question. | -Generally speaking, you-- -That's why it was a trick question. |
986 | 00:47:48,320 | 00:47:50,480 | -You don't poke them with a stick. -No. Wouldn't do that. | -You don't poke them with a stick. -No. Wouldn't do that. |
987 | 00:47:50,560 | 00:47:52,440 | Unless you're gonna eat it, don't pick it up. | Unless you're gonna eat it, don't pick it up. |
988 | 00:47:52,520 | 00:47:55,520 | But if it's just on the ground, stand your ground, chill out, | But if it's just on the ground, stand your ground, chill out, |
989 | 00:47:55,600 | 00:47:57,520 | watch its beautifulness go past. | watch its beautifulness go past. |
990 | 00:47:57,600 | 00:47:59,760 | I'd say that's the itinerary if you're a bit of a pussy. | I'd say that's the itinerary if you're a bit of a pussy. |
991 | 00:47:59,840 | 00:48:02,160 | -If you wanna-- -But not you, because you're a hard man. | -If you wanna-- -But not you, because you're a hard man. |
992 | 00:48:02,240 | 00:48:03,200 | Yes, exactly. | Yes, exactly. |
993 | 00:48:03,280 | 00:48:05,600 | If you want to disable the snake, | If you want to disable the snake, |
994 | 00:48:06,080 | 00:48:08,320 | -they have really bad vision. -Yes. | -they have really bad vision. -Yes. |
995 | 00:48:08,400 | 00:48:09,640 | -That's true? -Yes. | -That's true? -Yes. |
996 | 00:48:09,720 | 00:48:12,480 | Distract it with one hand, get it lookin' over there. | Distract it with one hand, get it lookin' over there. |
997 | 00:48:12,560 | 00:48:15,200 | Grab it round the back of the head, de-fang it, | Grab it round the back of the head, de-fang it, |
998 | 00:48:15,280 | 00:48:16,640 | pop off with its head, | pop off with its head, |
999 | 00:48:16,720 | 00:48:19,840 | then you can piss down the neck and turn it into a hot water bottle. | then you can piss down the neck and turn it into a hot water bottle. |
1000 | 00:48:20,280 | 00:48:24,080 | That's ridiculous. What you need to do-- If you go and grab some poisonous snake, | That's ridiculous. What you need to do-- If you go and grab some poisonous snake, |
1001 | 00:48:24,160 | 00:48:26,000 | you got to make sure you're really good at yoga. | you got to make sure you're really good at yoga. |
1002 | 00:48:26,080 | 00:48:28,800 | That way, if it bites you, you can put your head between your legs | That way, if it bites you, you can put your head between your legs |
1003 | 00:48:28,880 | 00:48:30,440 | -and kiss your ass good-bye. -Right. | -and kiss your ass good-bye. -Right. |
1004 | 00:48:30,520 | 00:48:32,360 | -So don't fuck around with snakes. -Okay. | -So don't fuck around with snakes. -Okay. |
1005 | 00:48:32,960 | 00:48:35,880 | -Lead on, Macduff, as they say. -That way. Let's go. | -Lead on, Macduff, as they say. -That way. Let's go. |
1006 | 00:48:36,400 | 00:48:38,520 | Quite wavy with that knife, aren't we? | Quite wavy with that knife, aren't we? |
1007 | 00:48:39,520 | 00:48:42,480 | So how did you get into this bushman game? | So how did you get into this bushman game? |
1008 | 00:48:43,120 | 00:48:44,400 | I've always been into it. | I've always been into it. |
1009 | 00:48:44,480 | 00:48:47,760 | My grandparents on my mother's and father's side | My grandparents on my mother's and father's side |
1010 | 00:48:47,840 | 00:48:50,520 | were both professional rabbit trappers during the Depression. | were both professional rabbit trappers during the Depression. |
1011 | 00:48:50,600 | 00:48:54,840 | So, I learned how to track animals | So, I learned how to track animals |
1012 | 00:48:54,920 | 00:48:57,120 | and how to find water and this kind of stuff | and how to find water and this kind of stuff |
1013 | 00:48:57,200 | 00:49:00,680 | when I was a very young fella. I loved being outside. I loved nature. | when I was a very young fella. I loved being outside. I loved nature. |
1014 | 00:49:00,760 | 00:49:04,680 | And I really get into the science part of nature. | And I really get into the science part of nature. |
1015 | 00:49:04,760 | 00:49:10,080 | Rather than just the looking at things and like temporary pommy bloke over there, | Rather than just the looking at things and like temporary pommy bloke over there, |
1016 | 00:49:10,160 | 00:49:11,680 | who's got about eight minutes to live. | who's got about eight minutes to live. |
1017 | 00:49:11,760 | 00:49:16,160 | -Yeah. -More of the kind of real science-y stuff. | -Yeah. -More of the kind of real science-y stuff. |
1018 | 00:49:16,240 | 00:49:18,160 | -Yeah. -That's what I enjoy. | -Yeah. -That's what I enjoy. |
1019 | 00:49:18,240 | 00:49:20,000 | But-- You know what, | But-- You know what, |
1020 | 00:49:20,840 | 00:49:21,760 | is he all right? | is he all right? |
1021 | 00:49:23,200 | 00:49:25,160 | I wouldn't say "all right." | I wouldn't say "all right." |
1022 | 00:49:25,720 | 00:49:29,800 | He is quite challenging for me and my wife. | He is quite challenging for me and my wife. |
1023 | 00:49:30,560 | 00:49:32,240 | -He's eager to please. -Yeah. | -He's eager to please. -Yeah. |
1024 | 00:49:32,320 | 00:49:33,680 | -That's the important thing. -Yeah. | -That's the important thing. -Yeah. |
1025 | 00:49:34,240 | 00:49:36,440 | He will want to please you. | He will want to please you. |
1026 | 00:49:37,000 | 00:49:38,040 | Don't eat that. | Don't eat that. |
1027 | 00:49:38,720 | 00:49:40,240 | I used to have a dog like you. | I used to have a dog like you. |
1028 | 00:49:41,120 | 00:49:42,000 | Shot the bastard. | Shot the bastard. |
1029 | 00:49:42,840 | 00:49:44,400 | Wow, cold. | Wow, cold. |
1030 | 00:49:47,520 | 00:49:50,040 | Right. Bush survival school in session. | Right. Bush survival school in session. |
1031 | 00:49:50,120 | 00:49:52,280 | First up, look where you tread. | First up, look where you tread. |
1032 | 00:49:52,360 | 00:49:54,320 | - That-- Something big dropped. -Hey! | - That-- Something big dropped. -Hey! |
1033 | 00:49:54,400 | 00:49:55,240 | Fuck off. | Fuck off. |
1034 | 00:49:55,320 | 00:49:56,480 | - Right. -What is it? | - Right. -What is it? |
1035 | 00:49:56,560 | 00:49:59,000 | - No, no. - Oh, my God, that's enormous! | - No, no. - Oh, my God, that's enormous! |
1036 | 00:49:59,080 | 00:50:01,120 | Cockatoo Paul, be careful. Be careful. | Cockatoo Paul, be careful. Be careful. |
1037 | 00:50:01,200 | 00:50:04,200 | - No, stay back. -Look at the size of that fucker! | - No, stay back. -Look at the size of that fucker! |
1038 | 00:50:04,280 | 00:50:05,880 | -Right. -Oh, my God! | -Right. -Oh, my God! |
1039 | 00:50:05,960 | 00:50:09,400 | They bite you with the front, and they sting you with the tail. | They bite you with the front, and they sting you with the tail. |
1040 | 00:50:09,480 | 00:50:11,600 | This is an Australian bulldog ant. | This is an Australian bulldog ant. |
1041 | 00:50:13,120 | 00:50:15,520 | These are one of the largest ants on the planet. | These are one of the largest ants on the planet. |
1042 | 00:50:15,600 | 00:50:17,480 | These things absolutely pack a punch. | These things absolutely pack a punch. |
1043 | 00:50:17,560 | 00:50:22,120 | -Great. I'll take your word for it. -This is why I'm talking to you before | -Great. I'll take your word for it. -This is why I'm talking to you before |
1044 | 00:50:22,200 | 00:50:24,320 | about not stuffing around too much | about not stuffing around too much |
1045 | 00:50:24,400 | 00:50:27,400 | because, if you landed on a nest of those things, | because, if you landed on a nest of those things, |
1046 | 00:50:27,480 | 00:50:29,560 | you're gonna be in 70 different colors of shit, | you're gonna be in 70 different colors of shit, |
1047 | 00:50:29,640 | 00:50:30,840 | and they're all gonna be brown. | and they're all gonna be brown. |
1048 | 00:50:30,920 | 00:50:33,840 | -Okay. Good to know. -So, watch him when you walk past him. | -Okay. Good to know. -So, watch him when you walk past him. |
1049 | 00:50:33,920 | 00:50:35,280 | Cool. Got it. | Cool. Got it. |
1050 | 00:50:35,360 | 00:50:36,200 | Awesome. | Awesome. |
1051 | 00:50:38,200 | 00:50:40,120 | Gonna wait, just let him do his thing. | Gonna wait, just let him do his thing. |
1052 | 00:50:40,640 | 00:50:41,840 | Just... go on. | Just... go on. |
1053 | 00:50:41,920 | 00:50:44,120 | Out of the way, Jack. I'll deal with this. | Out of the way, Jack. I'll deal with this. |
1054 | 00:50:44,200 | 00:50:47,440 | Fuck off! Fuck off! | Fuck off! Fuck off! |
1055 | 00:50:47,520 | 00:50:49,880 | -I don't think they respond to that. -It's gone. | -I don't think they respond to that. -It's gone. |
1056 | 00:50:49,960 | 00:50:51,880 | Just needs a firm voice. | Just needs a firm voice. |
1057 | 00:50:53,080 | 00:50:53,920 | Cleared. | Cleared. |
1058 | 00:50:54,840 | 00:50:57,480 | Step two, know your creepy-crawlies. | Step two, know your creepy-crawlies. |
1059 | 00:50:57,560 | 00:50:59,840 | -This is a golden orb spider. -Jesus! | -This is a golden orb spider. -Jesus! |
1060 | 00:50:59,920 | 00:51:04,800 | All right, they're completely harmless, but they eat big things. | All right, they're completely harmless, but they eat big things. |
1061 | 00:51:04,880 | 00:51:07,520 | They've been known to eat birds, bats... | They've been known to eat birds, bats... |
1062 | 00:51:08,440 | 00:51:09,680 | -Fuck off! -What? | -Fuck off! -What? |
1063 | 00:51:10,280 | 00:51:11,920 | -Totally fine. -That is not. | -Totally fine. -That is not. |
1064 | 00:51:12,000 | 00:51:13,400 | -I was just-- -Don't do that. | -I was just-- -Don't do that. |
1065 | 00:51:13,480 | 00:51:16,480 | -I was just putting my hand on... -I know what you were doing. | -I was just putting my hand on... -I know what you were doing. |
1066 | 00:51:16,560 | 00:51:17,560 | -No. -You're not-- | -No. -You're not-- |
1067 | 00:51:18,760 | 00:51:20,320 | I was not scared. I thought-- | I was not scared. I thought-- |
1068 | 00:51:21,160 | 00:51:22,720 | I knew that that was your hand. | I knew that that was your hand. |
1069 | 00:51:24,360 | 00:51:27,800 | Okay, I've just worked out where you get it from. Great. Okay. | Okay, I've just worked out where you get it from. Great. Okay. |
1070 | 00:51:28,800 | 00:51:31,680 | And step three, what to do when you're caught short? | And step three, what to do when you're caught short? |
1071 | 00:51:32,360 | 00:51:34,000 | What do you need to have a shit? | What do you need to have a shit? |
1072 | 00:51:35,080 | 00:51:36,400 | -Um... -What are the-- | -Um... -What are the-- |
1073 | 00:51:36,480 | 00:51:38,360 | When you're at home, what do you normally have? | When you're at home, what do you normally have? |
1074 | 00:51:38,440 | 00:51:39,920 | -A lavatory. -A lavatory. | -A lavatory. -A lavatory. |
1075 | 00:51:40,000 | 00:51:44,840 | The best safe way to do this so you're not infecting the area-- | The best safe way to do this so you're not infecting the area-- |
1076 | 00:51:44,920 | 00:51:48,600 | Especially if you're camping a long time, you don't want flies landing on your shit. | Especially if you're camping a long time, you don't want flies landing on your shit. |
1077 | 00:51:48,680 | 00:51:50,160 | We need two holes. | We need two holes. |
1078 | 00:51:50,240 | 00:51:52,400 | First hole, decoy shit. | First hole, decoy shit. |
1079 | 00:51:52,960 | 00:51:57,000 | Yep, go down, drop a little nugget in the first hole. | Yep, go down, drop a little nugget in the first hole. |
1080 | 00:51:57,520 | 00:52:00,760 | Every fly in the neighborhood will just zip onto that one. | Every fly in the neighborhood will just zip onto that one. |
1081 | 00:52:00,840 | 00:52:03,400 | You scurry over with your pants around your ankles, | You scurry over with your pants around your ankles, |
1082 | 00:52:03,480 | 00:52:05,800 | have your shit in peace in the second hole. | have your shit in peace in the second hole. |
1083 | 00:52:06,160 | 00:52:08,240 | -Decoy nugget. -You're a genius. | -Decoy nugget. -You're a genius. |
1084 | 00:52:09,240 | 00:52:11,160 | -Australians, mate. -A genius of a man. | -Australians, mate. -A genius of a man. |
1085 | 00:52:13,240 | 00:52:14,640 | I like Cockatoo Paul. | I like Cockatoo Paul. |
1086 | 00:52:15,040 | 00:52:17,320 | I like him too. I think he's very sweet. | I like him too. I think he's very sweet. |
1087 | 00:52:18,240 | 00:52:21,840 | He's not what I'd call refined, particularly. | He's not what I'd call refined, particularly. |
1088 | 00:52:21,920 | 00:52:25,400 | I'm not sure that he'd fit in to the Putney set. | I'm not sure that he'd fit in to the Putney set. |
1089 | 00:52:26,360 | 00:52:30,880 | Imagine having him at a dinner party with the Mullinses, | Imagine having him at a dinner party with the Mullinses, |
1090 | 00:52:31,520 | 00:52:34,640 | and telling Edwin how he could dig a hole in his garden | and telling Edwin how he could dig a hole in his garden |
1091 | 00:52:34,720 | 00:52:36,080 | and fill it up with shit. | and fill it up with shit. |
1092 | 00:52:39,760 | 00:52:40,960 | Fellas, check this out. | Fellas, check this out. |
1093 | 00:52:43,320 | 00:52:44,840 | What the fuck? | What the fuck? |
1094 | 00:52:44,920 | 00:52:47,240 | -What is that? - Something you could make | -What is that? - Something you could make |
1095 | 00:52:47,320 | 00:52:50,240 | -a whole water bottle out of, Jack. - A carpet python. | -a whole water bottle out of, Jack. - A carpet python. |
1096 | 00:52:50,320 | 00:52:52,400 | It's a female carpet python. | It's a female carpet python. |
1097 | 00:52:52,480 | 00:52:54,040 | -It's enormous. -Have a look. | -It's enormous. -Have a look. |
1098 | 00:52:54,720 | 00:52:55,760 | No, I don't want to see. | No, I don't want to see. |
1099 | 00:52:55,840 | 00:52:57,520 | -I can see it from here. -Come on. | -I can see it from here. -Come on. |
1100 | 00:52:57,600 | 00:52:59,480 | -No, this is a very good-- - He's sweet. | -No, this is a very good-- - He's sweet. |
1101 | 00:52:59,560 | 00:53:00,840 | Stay away from me. | Stay away from me. |
1102 | 00:53:00,920 | 00:53:02,920 | I don't want to. I can see it from here. | I don't want to. I can see it from here. |
1103 | 00:53:03,480 | 00:53:04,840 | How would it get you? | How would it get you? |
1104 | 00:53:04,920 | 00:53:07,200 | Well, they don't. This is not gonna hurt you at all. | Well, they don't. This is not gonna hurt you at all. |
1105 | 00:53:07,280 | 00:53:10,400 | They can bite, but they don't have any venom. | They can bite, but they don't have any venom. |
1106 | 00:53:10,480 | 00:53:12,240 | Look at its cold, scaly skin. | Look at its cold, scaly skin. |
1107 | 00:53:12,320 | 00:53:13,560 | No, it's sweet. | No, it's sweet. |
1108 | 00:53:13,640 | 00:53:14,520 | What? | What? |
1109 | 00:53:15,520 | 00:53:16,600 | Oh, very funny. | Oh, very funny. |
1110 | 00:53:18,000 | 00:53:19,760 | So typical, Jack. | So typical, Jack. |
1111 | 00:53:19,840 | 00:53:21,720 | -Come have a little hold. -No, I don't want to. | -Come have a little hold. -No, I don't want to. |
1112 | 00:53:21,800 | 00:53:23,480 | -Come on. -Daddy, stay away. | -Come on. -Daddy, stay away. |
1113 | 00:53:23,560 | 00:53:25,840 | -He's sweet, sweet snake. -Daddy! Stop it. | -He's sweet, sweet snake. -Daddy! Stop it. |
1114 | 00:53:25,920 | 00:53:27,000 | No, I don't want it. | No, I don't want it. |
1115 | 00:53:27,080 | 00:53:30,000 | -Ooh, scaredy cat. -Daddy, stop right there. | -Ooh, scaredy cat. -Daddy, stop right there. |
1116 | 00:53:30,080 | 00:53:33,760 | Cockatoo Paul, please come and take-- Get the python off him. | Cockatoo Paul, please come and take-- Get the python off him. |
1117 | 00:53:34,520 | 00:53:36,880 | Get your working man hands just like this, yeah? | Get your working man hands just like this, yeah? |
1118 | 00:53:36,960 | 00:53:39,400 | -No, I can't do it. -Yeah, you can. You can. | -No, I can't do it. -Yeah, you can. You can. |
1119 | 00:53:39,480 | 00:53:40,560 | I don't want it. | I don't want it. |
1120 | 00:53:41,200 | 00:53:44,120 | If you don't want to play with it, this fella's going back into the bush. | If you don't want to play with it, this fella's going back into the bush. |
1121 | 00:53:45,120 | 00:53:46,200 | -Put him back. -Yep. | -Put him back. -Yep. |
1122 | 00:53:48,560 | 00:53:51,160 | How was that, fellas? Did you enjoy that afternoon? | How was that, fellas? Did you enjoy that afternoon? |
1123 | 00:53:51,240 | 00:53:53,080 | - Yeah, it was good. - Very good. | - Yeah, it was good. - Very good. |
1124 | 00:53:53,160 | 00:53:55,640 | -You feel-- - I feel like I'm now a bushman. | -You feel-- - I feel like I'm now a bushman. |
1125 | 00:53:56,280 | 00:54:00,680 | I was scared of Mother Nature, fearful and respectful, and now... | I was scared of Mother Nature, fearful and respectful, and now... |
1126 | 00:54:01,920 | 00:54:02,800 | she's my bitch. | she's my bitch. |
1127 | 00:54:03,160 | 00:54:04,080 | Really? | Really? |
1128 | 00:54:04,480 | 00:54:06,240 | I will feast from her bosom. | I will feast from her bosom. |
1129 | 00:54:07,280 | 00:54:09,840 | I will dig holes in her and drop nuggets in them. | I will dig holes in her and drop nuggets in them. |
1130 | 00:54:09,920 | 00:54:12,680 | I will wipe my bum on her che-- | I will wipe my bum on her che-- |
1131 | 00:54:14,720 | 00:54:17,600 | You are a 79-year-old man. It is not funny. | You are a 79-year-old man. It is not funny. |
1132 | 00:54:18,080 | 00:54:19,120 | Stop doing that. | Stop doing that. |
1133 | 00:54:19,200 | 00:54:22,000 | -You jumped very quickly. - I did not jump. | -You jumped very quickly. - I did not jump. |
1134 | 00:54:22,080 | 00:54:25,080 | -You did. You thought it was that snake. - No, I did not. | -You did. You thought it was that snake. - No, I did not. |
1135 | 00:54:25,160 | 00:54:26,640 | The bush jitters, mate? | The bush jitters, mate? |
1136 | 00:54:27,160 | 00:54:28,400 | I'm not scared anymore. | I'm not scared anymore. |
1137 | 00:54:28,480 | 00:54:31,360 | So scared you almost dropped a decoy nugget. | So scared you almost dropped a decoy nugget. |
1138 | 00:54:35,240 | 00:54:37,800 | I think we can safely say that we wouldn't last | I think we can safely say that we wouldn't last |
1139 | 00:54:37,880 | 00:54:39,920 | more than five minutes in the bush. | more than five minutes in the bush. |
1140 | 00:54:40,400 | 00:54:45,360 | Next we headed a few miles up the coast for a spot of beach action. | Next we headed a few miles up the coast for a spot of beach action. |
1141 | 00:54:45,440 | 00:54:46,440 | Down here. | Down here. |
1142 | 00:54:51,320 | 00:54:54,080 | We can't come to Australia and not go to a beach. | We can't come to Australia and not go to a beach. |
1143 | 00:54:54,160 | 00:54:57,080 | I can think of very good reasons why not to. | I can think of very good reasons why not to. |
1144 | 00:54:59,040 | 00:55:01,520 | I loathe beaches, and you know it. | I loathe beaches, and you know it. |
1145 | 00:55:01,600 | 00:55:03,560 | - Who loathes beaches? -I loathe them. | - Who loathes beaches? -I loathe them. |
1146 | 00:55:03,640 | 00:55:05,960 | -Everyone likes beaches. -Not me. | -Everyone likes beaches. -Not me. |
1147 | 00:55:06,040 | 00:55:08,600 | I spent my youth as a child | I spent my youth as a child |
1148 | 00:55:08,680 | 00:55:12,840 | going on the most terrible beaches in the 1940s. | going on the most terrible beaches in the 1940s. |
1149 | 00:55:12,920 | 00:55:16,080 | -Margate, Ramsgate, all those places. -Normandy? | -Margate, Ramsgate, all those places. -Normandy? |
1150 | 00:55:16,720 | 00:55:18,440 | No, not Normandy. | No, not Normandy. |
1151 | 00:55:20,720 | 00:55:21,560 | There we are. | There we are. |
1152 | 00:55:22,240 | 00:55:24,960 | I mean, there is no way I'm getting under that. | I mean, there is no way I'm getting under that. |
1153 | 00:55:25,040 | 00:55:27,240 | I'd need to be lying on my back to get in there. | I'd need to be lying on my back to get in there. |
1154 | 00:55:27,320 | 00:55:29,120 | I've got you a chair as well. | I've got you a chair as well. |
1155 | 00:55:29,200 | 00:55:31,360 | Yeah, well that looks quite comfortable. | Yeah, well that looks quite comfortable. |
1156 | 00:55:31,760 | 00:55:33,000 | Get under there. | Get under there. |
1157 | 00:55:34,120 | 00:55:36,560 | I meant to bring a newspaper. | I meant to bring a newspaper. |
1158 | 00:55:37,320 | 00:55:40,200 | Did you bring any kind of picnicking arrangements? | Did you bring any kind of picnicking arrangements? |
1159 | 00:55:40,280 | 00:55:41,920 | There's rosé in there. | There's rosé in there. |
1160 | 00:55:42,000 | 00:55:44,480 | -I'll go get you a newspaper. -Yeah. | -I'll go get you a newspaper. -Yeah. |
1161 | 00:55:44,560 | 00:55:46,280 | You stay here and relax, Daddy. | You stay here and relax, Daddy. |
1162 | 00:55:46,360 | 00:55:49,800 | Right. I can just sit quietly here in the peace. | Right. I can just sit quietly here in the peace. |
1163 | 00:55:49,880 | 00:55:52,440 | -Yeah. -In fact, I might have a little doze. | -Yeah. -In fact, I might have a little doze. |
1164 | 00:55:52,520 | 00:55:53,360 | All right. | All right. |
1165 | 00:55:56,840 | 00:55:59,080 | Daddy may be over his phobia of beaches. | Daddy may be over his phobia of beaches. |
1166 | 00:56:01,320 | 00:56:04,000 | I have to come clean. There may be one small element | I have to come clean. There may be one small element |
1167 | 00:56:04,320 | 00:56:06,560 | to this beach that I didn't mention to Daddy. | to this beach that I didn't mention to Daddy. |
1168 | 00:56:10,680 | 00:56:12,200 | I know some jokes get old. | I know some jokes get old. |
1169 | 00:56:12,880 | 00:56:14,880 | I just don't think this is one of them. | I just don't think this is one of them. |
1170 | 00:56:16,200 | 00:56:17,200 | Ahh. | Ahh. |
1171 | 00:56:17,280 | 00:56:19,680 | We all remember how much he loved naked yoga. | We all remember how much he loved naked yoga. |
1172 | 00:56:31,080 | 00:56:32,120 | No! | No! |
1173 | 00:56:33,560 | 00:56:37,200 | Little fucker, stitched me up again. | Little fucker, stitched me up again. |
1174 | 00:56:43,200 | 00:56:44,400 | Fuckin' hell. | Fuckin' hell. |
1175 | 00:56:46,600 | 00:56:47,640 | Jesus. | Jesus. |
1176 | 00:56:52,960 | 00:56:54,280 | Oh, very funny. | Oh, very funny. |
1177 | 00:56:54,760 | 00:56:55,840 | What? | What? |
1178 | 00:56:55,920 | 00:56:57,080 | You know what. | You know what. |
1179 | 00:56:57,160 | 00:56:58,480 | What? Here's your paper. | What? Here's your paper. |
1180 | 00:56:59,040 | 00:57:00,920 | This is a nudist beach, isn't it? | This is a nudist beach, isn't it? |
1181 | 00:57:01,000 | 00:57:02,160 | -Is it? -Ha, ha. | -Is it? -Ha, ha. |
1182 | 00:57:04,320 | 00:57:05,880 | So what's the plan now? | So what's the plan now? |
1183 | 00:57:07,640 | 00:57:08,960 | Do you want to play Frisbee? | Do you want to play Frisbee? |
1184 | 00:57:14,600 | 00:57:16,320 | If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. | If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. |
1185 | 00:57:18,040 | 00:57:19,600 | Oh, my God. | Oh, my God. |
1186 | 00:57:22,800 | 00:57:25,360 | Hey, guys! Room for a small one? | Hey, guys! Room for a small one? |
1187 | 00:57:27,400 | 00:57:29,040 | Unbelievable, that boy. | Unbelievable, that boy. |
1188 | 00:57:29,120 | 00:57:32,440 | Oh, yes. I can tell you this is going to be an adventure | Oh, yes. I can tell you this is going to be an adventure |
1189 | 00:57:32,520 | 00:57:34,200 | Michael won't soon forget. | Michael won't soon forget. |
1190 | 00:57:38,000 | 00:57:39,440 | Right, let's go cause some havoc. | Right, let's go cause some havoc. |
1191 | 00:57:39,520 | 00:57:42,080 | What are we hitting up first? Tattoo parlor? Gun shop? | What are we hitting up first? Tattoo parlor? Gun shop? |
1192 | 00:57:42,160 | 00:57:43,320 | The picnic area. | The picnic area. |
1193 | 00:57:43,400 | 00:57:44,280 | For fuck's sake. | For fuck's sake. |
1194 | 00:57:45,360 | 00:57:46,960 | Oh, my God, look at it. Come here! | Oh, my God, look at it. Come here! |
1195 | 00:57:47,040 | 00:57:49,880 | This is a complete and utter waste of time. | This is a complete and utter waste of time. |
1196 | 00:57:52,200 | 00:57:54,520 | - No! -Daddy, have a little bit of goon sack. | - No! -Daddy, have a little bit of goon sack. |
1197 | 00:57:54,600 | 00:57:56,200 | -No! No! -Daddy! | -No! No! -Daddy! |
1198 | 00:57:56,280 | 00:58:00,040 | -Come on. Let's get this shirt off. -No fucking way. | -Come on. Let's get this shirt off. -No fucking way. |
1199 | 00:58:02,280 | 00:58:04,240 | Jesus! | Jesus! |
1199 | 00:58:02,280 | 00:58:04,240 | Jesus! | Jesus! |