# Start End Original Translated
1 00:00:50,380 00:00:51,529 Dear Brothers. Dear Brothers.
2 00:00:53,380 00:00:56,611 We are gathered here today We are gathered here today
3 00:00:56,820 00:01:03,293 in the Convent of the Order of the Barefoot Snail-hunters. in the Convent of the Order of the Barefoot Snail-hunters.
4 00:01:05,500 00:01:12,929 Today's sermon will deal with the word of the Lord. Today's sermon will deal with the word of the Lord.
5 00:01:21,060 00:01:23,415 And I saw the light, And I saw the light,
6 00:01:24,820 00:01:29,018 and the light was hardly even a moped headlight. and the light was hardly even a moped headlight.
7 00:01:30,180 00:01:34,219 Nor was it the Lord, for the Lord doesn't need headlights, Nor was it the Lord, for the Lord doesn't need headlights,
8 00:01:34,420 00:01:35,899 or streetlamps, or even hazard lights. or streetlamps, or even hazard lights.
9 00:01:36,420 00:01:40,333 In the Kingdom of the Lord, there is neither day nor night. In the Kingdom of the Lord, there is neither day nor night.
10 00:01:41,020 00:01:44,057 It is always midday and everyone's always eating. It is always midday and everyone's always eating.
11 00:01:44,820 00:01:47,334 And that little twerp of a demon is there in a corner, And that little twerp of a demon is there in a corner,
12 00:01:47,500 00:01:51,129 getting stones thrown in his face and eating the leftovers. getting stones thrown in his face and eating the leftovers.
13 00:01:51,940 00:01:54,295 And may God free us And may God free us
14 00:01:54,580 00:01:57,856 of the Romanians repairing the roof of our church, of the Romanians repairing the roof of our church,
15 00:01:58,020 00:02:00,250 putting the roof tiles on backwards, all fucked up, putting the roof tiles on backwards, all fucked up,
16 00:02:00,460 00:02:02,052 so they fall when the wind blows just like in their country, so they fall when the wind blows just like in their country,
17 00:02:02,500 00:02:07,574 Bulgaria or Moldavia, let me tell ya, fella... Bulgaria or Moldavia, let me tell ya, fella...
18 00:02:08,980 00:02:10,572 And may this government of morons And may this government of morons
19 00:02:10,780 00:02:12,691 put an end to corruption once and for all, put an end to corruption once and for all,
20 00:02:12,980 00:02:15,335 even if they have to bribe someone to do so, even if they have to bribe someone to do so,
21 00:02:15,900 00:02:17,777 since that what we all pay taxes for. since that what we all pay taxes for.
22 00:02:40,700 00:02:45,012 And may there be decent public transport And may there be decent public transport
23 00:02:45,420 00:02:47,376 in this crap old country, in this crap old country,
24 00:02:47,740 00:02:49,412 where there shouldn't even be roads where there shouldn't even be roads
25 00:02:49,580 00:02:51,138 because all the drivers are a bunch of murderers, because all the drivers are a bunch of murderers,
26 00:02:51,500 00:02:52,489 as are the doctors, as are the doctors,
27 00:02:52,660 00:02:54,457 who go on strike in hospitals who go on strike in hospitals
28 00:02:54,620 00:02:57,009 with some guy lying there with his guts hanging out with some guy lying there with his guts hanging out
29 00:02:57,220 00:02:59,370 and his appendix dancing a jig. and his appendix dancing a jig.
30 00:03:00,460 00:03:01,415 And while we're at it, And while we're at it,
31 00:03:01,580 00:03:05,732 we should burn down the courts and the law schools. we should burn down the courts and the law schools.
32 00:03:06,860 00:03:08,179 These are the wishes of the Lord. These are the wishes of the Lord.
33 00:03:08,580 00:03:09,535 Amen. Amen.
34 00:03:17,940 00:03:19,658 Amen. Let me tell ya. Amen. Let me tell ya.
35 00:03:19,980 00:03:20,935 Amen. Amen.
36 00:03:29,740 00:03:32,777 Well goddamn if it isn't... my old Tonimobile. Well goddamn if it isn't... my old Tonimobile.
37 00:03:33,300 00:03:35,495 Now this is one kick ass machine, man. Now this is one kick ass machine, man.
38 00:03:35,660 00:03:39,369 It's survived psychopathic nuns thrashing on the bodywork It's survived psychopathic nuns thrashing on the bodywork
39 00:03:39,700 00:03:42,498 and it discovered the sea passage to Spain. and it discovered the sea passage to Spain.
40 00:03:42,780 00:03:46,216 This is a spaceship right out of "Star Wars". This is a spaceship right out of "Star Wars".
41 00:03:49,540 00:03:50,689 It's all the shit. It's all the shit.
42 00:03:54,420 00:03:58,095 My beloved traffic tickets, what a smell! My beloved traffic tickets, what a smell!
43 00:03:58,460 00:03:59,495 All unpaid. All unpaid.
44 00:03:59,700 00:04:02,168 I'm not going to fuck up the collection now, right? I'm not going to fuck up the collection now, right?
45 00:04:03,180 00:04:07,014 A racecar like this one here in a vacant lot out in the sticks. A racecar like this one here in a vacant lot out in the sticks.
46 00:04:07,500 00:04:09,809 And no one came to rip it off? And no one came to rip it off?
47 00:04:10,820 00:04:11,775 Miracle. Miracle.
48 00:04:12,460 00:04:18,854 And if God didn't say so himself, I'd say this here is a miracle. Amen. And if God didn't say so himself, I'd say this here is a miracle. Amen.
49 00:04:25,340 00:04:29,891 Tony, it's great to see you. You look the same. Tony, it's great to see you. You look the same.
50 00:04:32,900 00:04:34,128 Jesus fucking Christ, Jesus fucking Christ,
51 00:04:34,500 00:04:37,253 they built this damn place out in the middle of nowhere. they built this damn place out in the middle of nowhere.
52 00:06:10,620 00:06:13,054 TRICKSTERS TRICKSTERS
53 00:06:15,700 00:06:19,534 Easy there Barrabas, leave the cabbages alone! Easy there Barrabas, leave the cabbages alone!
54 00:06:19,940 00:06:22,579 It's not Barrabas, Zeze, it's Popeye. It's not Barrabas, Zeze, it's Popeye.
55 00:06:23,700 00:06:27,659 Anyway man, tell me, what's become of your life? Anyway man, tell me, what's become of your life?
56 00:06:27,860 00:06:29,737 It really does seem just like yesterday. It really does seem just like yesterday.
57 00:06:30,060 00:06:37,011 I've been here since... let's see 1979... plus five... I've been here since... let's see 1979... plus five...
58 00:06:37,500 00:06:38,899 Do the math. Do the math.
59 00:06:39,140 00:06:41,893 So I've been here for a week. So I've been here for a week.
60 00:06:42,220 00:06:45,098 I can tell; you're much more relaxed. I can tell; you're much more relaxed.
61 00:06:45,260 00:06:47,137 Tell me about it, I'm much more chilled out. Tell me about it, I'm much more chilled out.
62 00:06:47,300 00:06:49,894 I'm practically a saint. I'm practically a saint.
63 00:06:51,460 00:06:52,688 Goddamn donkey. Goddamn donkey.
64 00:06:54,100 00:06:55,374 Drop the cabbage! Drop the cabbage!
65 00:06:55,660 00:06:56,729 Poor guy. Poor guy.
66 00:06:57,780 00:07:01,455 And so you, batface, tell me, what the hell are you here for? And so you, batface, tell me, what the hell are you here for?
67 00:07:02,020 00:07:03,772 Zeze, not out of disgrace of the truth, Zeze, not out of disgrace of the truth,
68 00:07:04,020 00:07:05,055 I have come here... I have come here...
69 00:07:05,460 00:07:06,813 Don't tell me! Don't tell me!
70 00:07:07,100 00:07:11,378 You cannot live without your friend and guru Zeze. You cannot live without your friend and guru Zeze.
71 00:07:11,860 00:07:14,090 You're forgiven. You can kiss my hand. You're forgiven. You can kiss my hand.
72 00:07:14,420 00:07:17,378 I really don't think so! I really don't think so!
73 00:07:17,620 00:07:19,929 Zeze, the thing is that in order to be true to myself Zeze, the thing is that in order to be true to myself
74 00:07:20,140 00:07:22,495 and to you as well, I've come here, Zeze, to... and to you as well, I've come here, Zeze, to...
75 00:07:22,660 00:07:27,256 Wait, I got it. You've come to get your car back. Wait, I got it. You've come to get your car back.
76 00:07:27,660 00:07:31,619 You can take it, just leave me the hens and the eggs, You can take it, just leave me the hens and the eggs,
77 00:07:31,900 00:07:33,492 'cause here in the countryside we eat lots of eggs... 'cause here in the countryside we eat lots of eggs...
78 00:07:33,740 00:07:35,458 It's true they are good for strengthening the hair, It's true they are good for strengthening the hair,
79 00:07:35,620 00:07:37,656 they have vitamins and their great for cholesterol. they have vitamins and their great for cholesterol.
80 00:07:37,820 00:07:39,572 But what brings me here, Zeze, is... But what brings me here, Zeze, is...
81 00:07:39,780 00:07:41,133 Wait, now I've got it. Wait, now I've got it.
82 00:07:41,740 00:07:45,210 What you want is to join the Order of the Barefoot Snail-hunters. What you want is to join the Order of the Barefoot Snail-hunters.
83 00:07:46,060 00:07:49,257 Brother, unshod yourself, take off your boots... Brother, unshod yourself, take off your boots...
84 00:07:53,060 00:07:56,973 I really don't think so! The building is old and could fall. I really don't think so! The building is old and could fall.
85 00:07:57,140 00:07:58,653 Leave it as it is. Better that way. Leave it as it is. Better that way.
86 00:07:58,820 00:08:00,970 Anyway, I might just walk on outta here, no? Anyway, I might just walk on outta here, no?
87 00:08:01,260 00:08:03,649 It's been wonderful to see you again so healthy, It's been wonderful to see you again so healthy,
88 00:08:03,820 00:08:05,048 healthy as a big old oak tree. healthy as a big old oak tree.
89 00:08:05,300 00:08:06,255 Later. Later.
90 00:08:06,460 00:08:07,654 Let me tell ya, fella! Let me tell ya, fella!
91 00:08:07,860 00:08:09,452 Toni, Toni, it seems to me Toni, Toni, it seems to me
92 00:08:09,660 00:08:12,049 you have not told me what it is that's afflicting you. you have not told me what it is that's afflicting you.
93 00:08:12,220 00:08:13,812 You can tell me everything. You can tell me everything.
94 00:08:14,020 00:08:17,012 I am a man of the church. I am here to listen. I am a man of the church. I am here to listen.
95 00:08:17,260 00:08:20,332 To listen? Look how you've changed. To listen? Look how you've changed.
96 00:08:20,500 00:08:22,695 If I'd have known, I'd have brought my guitar. If I'd have known, I'd have brought my guitar.
97 00:08:22,900 00:08:24,413 No, calm down. It's not worth it. No, calm down. It's not worth it.
98 00:08:24,660 00:08:26,457 If you want, I'll play a song for you. If you want, I'll play a song for you.
99 00:08:26,620 00:08:27,575 Relax. Relax.
100 00:08:27,740 00:08:29,059 It's no bother at all. It's no bother at all.
101 00:08:29,460 00:08:30,939 But to me it is. But to me it is.
102 00:08:32,260 00:08:35,570 Look, why don't you just tell me why you've come. Look, why don't you just tell me why you've come.
103 00:08:36,300 00:08:40,498 Zeze, before coming here to preach to the corn, Zeze, before coming here to preach to the corn,
104 00:08:40,780 00:08:42,930 you told me something you told me something
105 00:08:43,220 00:08:45,051 that has been knocking around in my head that has been knocking around in my head
106 00:08:45,220 00:08:46,175 all this time. all this time.
107 00:08:46,340 00:08:48,854 Listen, you can confide in me. Listen, you can confide in me.
108 00:08:49,140 00:08:51,654 I'm a priest and a priest is like a father. I'm a priest and a priest is like a father.
109 00:08:51,860 00:08:55,569 Bingo. I have to ask you about my father. Bingo. I have to ask you about my father.
110 00:08:55,860 00:09:00,809 I thought so. Don't you see I'm enlightened? I thought so. Don't you see I'm enlightened?
111 00:09:01,100 00:09:04,536 And when I go to the mountain, I speak with God, And when I go to the mountain, I speak with God,
112 00:09:04,820 00:09:06,173 in dreams of course. in dreams of course.
113 00:09:06,340 00:09:09,412 And afterwards I come down the hill to preach the truth... And afterwards I come down the hill to preach the truth...
114 00:09:09,700 00:09:13,852 Jesus. You're outta your mind. I'd better get going. Jesus. You're outta your mind. I'd better get going.
115 00:09:14,300 00:09:17,133 Let go of me! Let me go! Let go of me! Let me go!
116 00:09:18,140 00:09:22,053 Good God. You're off your head. Good God. You're off your head.
117 00:09:23,220 00:09:25,336 Outta your head I say. Let me tell ya, fella! Outta your head I say. Let me tell ya, fella!
118 00:09:25,540 00:09:26,814 Four months earlier Hold it right there, cheeseface! Four months earlier Hold it right there, cheeseface!
119 00:09:27,060 00:09:28,413 If you don't want another round willingly, If you don't want another round willingly,
120 00:09:28,580 00:09:29,535 we'll have to do it the hard way. we'll have to do it the hard way.
121 00:09:29,700 00:09:30,655 Let's let fate decide. Let's let fate decide.
122 00:09:30,820 00:09:33,573 Heads or tails. Heads you win, tails, one of us. Heads or tails. Heads you win, tails, one of us.
123 00:09:33,780 00:09:34,815 What if the coin lands on its side? What if the coin lands on its side?
124 00:09:35,100 00:09:36,055 On its side? On its side?
125 00:09:36,220 00:09:37,175 It's happened before. It's happened before.
126 00:09:37,340 00:09:38,295 If it lands on its side, If it lands on its side,
127 00:09:38,460 00:09:40,655 we call the waiter and the problem's solved. we call the waiter and the problem's solved.
128 00:09:40,820 00:09:41,775 Is it a dealer? Is it a dealer?
129 00:09:41,980 00:09:42,935 Offshore. Offshore.
130 00:09:52,660 00:09:53,615 What is it? What is it?
131 00:09:53,900 00:09:55,811 Depends. What coin is that? Depends. What coin is that?
132 00:09:56,100 00:09:57,055 One euro. One euro.
133 00:09:57,260 00:09:58,932 One euro? Then it's heads. One euro? Then it's heads.
134 00:10:00,860 00:10:02,498 All right, batface, explain that one to me. All right, batface, explain that one to me.
135 00:10:02,660 00:10:04,616 How much is one euro worth? 166.386 pesetas, right? How much is one euro worth? 166.386 pesetas, right?
136 00:10:04,820 00:10:06,538 It's goddamn heady coin if I ever saw one. It's goddamn heady coin if I ever saw one.
137 00:10:12,300 00:10:14,689 Zeze, why did you have to go and punch me? Zeze, why did you have to go and punch me?
138 00:10:15,500 00:10:18,617 Why did I do it? Why did I do it? Why did I do it? Why did I do it?
139 00:10:18,780 00:10:19,849 I'm not deaf! I'm not deaf!
140 00:10:20,140 00:10:21,289 Because the earth is round? Because the earth is round?
141 00:10:21,620 00:10:22,939 Because the sum of the legs squared Because the sum of the legs squared
142 00:10:23,140 00:10:25,370 is equal to the square root of the hypotenuse? is equal to the square root of the hypotenuse?
143 00:10:25,700 00:10:28,658 Because the needle of a compass always points straight ahead? Because the needle of a compass always points straight ahead?
144 00:10:28,980 00:10:29,935 The earth is round? The earth is round?
145 00:10:30,100 00:10:31,294 Of course! Of course!
146 00:10:31,500 00:10:32,455 What part of it? What part of it?
147 00:10:32,660 00:10:33,615 The edges. The edges.
148 00:10:33,820 00:10:34,889 And where are the edges? And where are the edges?
149 00:10:35,340 00:10:37,649 What's with you, man, do I look like a typographer to you? What's with you, man, do I look like a typographer to you?
150 00:10:37,860 00:10:39,213 I don't know, let me get a good look at you. I don't know, let me get a good look at you.
151 00:10:39,380 00:10:41,211 Goddammit, I'm outta here. What for, but I'm not even sick. Goddammit, I'm outta here. What for, but I'm not even sick.
152 00:10:41,460 00:10:42,415 What about me? What about me?
153 00:10:43,020 00:10:46,092 You? You're out of it. You? You're out of it.
154 00:10:46,340 00:10:47,693 If a doctor were to catch you, If a doctor were to catch you,
155 00:10:47,900 00:10:52,735 he'd put you in a jar of formaldehyde to run experiments on you. he'd put you in a jar of formaldehyde to run experiments on you.
156 00:10:53,580 00:10:55,935 Toni, the mutating aberration. Toni, the mutating aberration.
157 00:10:56,380 00:10:59,213 Coming soon to a theater near you, to an emergency room near you... Coming soon to a theater near you, to an emergency room near you...
158 00:10:59,380 00:11:00,654 Holy fucking shit! Holy fucking shit!
159 00:11:01,260 00:11:03,296 Zeze I just had a wicked idea. Zeze I just had a wicked idea.
160 00:11:03,580 00:11:04,535 Fuck! Fuck!
161 00:11:04,820 00:11:07,414 I'm going to ask that gentleman to hold my place in line. I'm going to ask that gentleman to hold my place in line.
162 00:11:08,340 00:11:15,257 Excuse me sir. If they call my name, could you call me... by my name? Excuse me sir. If they call my name, could you call me... by my name?
163 00:11:16,140 00:11:17,095 Don't worry. Don't worry.
164 00:11:17,260 00:11:20,570 If they call him, I'll call you so that you can call him, okay? If they call him, I'll call you so that you can call him, okay?
165 00:11:28,540 00:11:30,417 So then, didn't you hear your name called? So then, didn't you hear your name called?
166 00:11:31,740 00:11:32,695 Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch!
167 00:11:33,100 00:11:34,055 What's happening? What's happening?
168 00:11:34,220 00:11:35,175 Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch!
169 00:11:35,420 00:11:37,775 I forgot to tell my name to that dude. I forgot to tell my name to that dude.
170 00:11:38,380 00:11:40,211 Toni! Toni!
171 00:11:44,100 00:11:45,294 Forget it, don't worry. Forget it, don't worry.
172 00:11:45,500 00:11:48,094 He doesn't know your name, but with that mace face of yours, He doesn't know your name, but with that mace face of yours,
173 00:11:48,300 00:11:49,619 it's hard to even look at you. it's hard to even look at you.
174 00:11:57,740 00:11:58,809 So what's it going to be? So what's it going to be?
175 00:11:59,180 00:12:00,169 Don't even ask. Don't even ask.
176 00:12:00,980 00:12:03,448 A calamari sandwich and a glass of wine, please. A calamari sandwich and a glass of wine, please.
177 00:12:04,980 00:12:06,129 And you're not gonna eat anything? And you're not gonna eat anything?
178 00:12:06,380 00:12:07,369 I already ordered. I already ordered.
179 00:12:07,940 00:12:08,975 What about me then? What about me then?
180 00:12:09,300 00:12:11,768 I asked you what you wanted and you got all pissed. I asked you what you wanted and you got all pissed.
181 00:12:12,220 00:12:14,336 Cancel that order for this individual please. Cancel that order for this individual please.
182 00:12:14,500 00:12:16,297 Make that two calamari sandwiches and two wines. Make that two calamari sandwiches and two wines.
183 00:12:16,660 00:12:19,299 Make mine with mayo, please. Make mine with mayo, please.
184 00:12:19,660 00:12:21,059 What do you mean yours? Did you already order? What do you mean yours? Did you already order?
185 00:12:21,380 00:12:22,335 No, you did though. No, you did though.
186 00:12:22,500 00:12:23,455 I ordered for me, I ordered for me,
187 00:12:23,620 00:12:24,609 if you want to eat, order for yourself. if you want to eat, order for yourself.
188 00:12:24,780 00:12:26,611 Goddammit, I ordered for me and you canceled my order. Goddammit, I ordered for me and you canceled my order.
189 00:12:26,860 00:12:28,259 Of course, because you didn't order for me. Of course, because you didn't order for me.
190 00:12:28,420 00:12:31,139 So that's why, is it? Revenge? So that's why, is it? Revenge?
191 00:12:31,380 00:12:32,449 So then don't be surprised So then don't be surprised
192 00:12:32,620 00:12:35,930 if after eating three or four sandwiches a day, if after eating three or four sandwiches a day,
193 00:12:36,180 00:12:38,740 you end up having a Cadillac arrest. you end up having a Cadillac arrest.
194 00:12:38,900 00:12:42,813 Hold it right there, foul vulture! Don't fuck with me! Hold it right there, foul vulture! Don't fuck with me!
195 00:12:42,980 00:12:46,768 You don't like to hear the truth, do ya? You're just like the rest. You don't like to hear the truth, do ya? You're just like the rest.
196 00:12:47,020 00:12:48,248 What rest? What rest?
197 00:12:48,620 00:12:50,133 The rest, of them, everyone, humanity. The rest, of them, everyone, humanity.
198 00:12:50,380 00:12:52,257 They're all as fat as posts. They're all as fat as posts.
199 00:12:52,540 00:12:53,893 What do you care, cheese face. What do you care, cheese face.
200 00:12:54,180 00:12:56,330 When even the slightest breeze comes along, When even the slightest breeze comes along,
201 00:12:56,500 00:12:59,810 your wife has to go pull you down from the church bell tower. your wife has to go pull you down from the church bell tower.
202 00:13:00,020 00:13:03,251 That's it, that's right, Big Toni, Big Toni... That's it, that's right, Big Toni, Big Toni...
203 00:13:03,900 00:13:06,539 Always blowing it out of proportion. That only happened once. Always blowing it out of proportion. That only happened once.
204 00:13:06,940 00:13:08,498 So what's it going to be then? So what's it going to be then?
205 00:13:08,900 00:13:12,449 When a donkey speaks, my friend, the other one pricks up his ears. When a donkey speaks, my friend, the other one pricks up his ears.
206 00:13:12,860 00:13:14,657 And don't fuck me around, And don't fuck me around,
207 00:13:14,820 00:13:16,617 unless you want me to shove a jar of pickles down your throat. unless you want me to shove a jar of pickles down your throat.
208 00:13:16,780 00:13:17,735 I beg your pardon? I beg your pardon?
209 00:13:18,380 00:13:20,177 You're pardoned. You're pardoned.
210 00:13:20,500 00:13:21,933 But next time, I'll chop off your balls, But next time, I'll chop off your balls,
211 00:13:22,100 00:13:23,772 fry them up, and make you eat them. fry them up, and make you eat them.
212 00:13:27,780 00:13:29,008 Let me get this straight, Let me get this straight,
213 00:13:29,220 00:13:30,619 so you've taken to this all-light bullshit then? so you've taken to this all-light bullshit then?
214 00:13:30,900 00:13:31,855 Like it should be. Like it should be.
215 00:13:32,100 00:13:33,419 The whole bio-fatness thing? - Like it should be. The whole bio-fatness thing? - Like it should be.
216 00:13:33,580 00:13:35,730 The cardio-active-bifidus business? - Like it should be, Zeze. The cardio-active-bifidus business? - Like it should be, Zeze.
217 00:13:35,940 00:13:38,932 I have to be careful about the junk food I ingest. I have to be careful about the junk food I ingest.
218 00:13:39,180 00:13:42,058 My body is a holy temple. My body is a holy temple.
219 00:13:42,420 00:13:43,648 Gimme a fucking break! Gimme a fucking break!
220 00:13:43,940 00:13:45,498 My grandfather grew up eating My grandfather grew up eating
221 00:13:45,660 00:13:47,696 seven plates of hog's feet for breakfast, seven plates of hog's feet for breakfast,
222 00:13:47,900 00:13:51,370 with wine so bad it came to the glass in installments. with wine so bad it came to the glass in installments.
223 00:13:51,580 00:13:55,050 He rolled up some corn leaf joints and smoked thirty or forty a day. He rolled up some corn leaf joints and smoked thirty or forty a day.
224 00:13:55,220 00:13:57,051 Every day, twice a day Every day, twice a day
225 00:13:57,260 00:13:59,455 from the age of three until he was ninety six, from the age of three until he was ninety six,
226 00:13:59,700 00:14:03,249 and at ninety four he donated a lung to a 20 year old kid. and at ninety four he donated a lung to a 20 year old kid.
227 00:14:03,740 00:14:08,018 That one guy who years later became the goalkeeper for Oporto. That one guy who years later became the goalkeeper for Oporto.
228 00:14:08,220 00:14:09,175 That's it! That's it!
229 00:14:09,340 00:14:11,012 Edmilson, the one the crossbeam fell onto Edmilson, the one the crossbeam fell onto
230 00:14:11,260 00:14:12,454 while he was having an asthma attack. while he was having an asthma attack.
231 00:14:13,700 00:14:15,258 That's the one. That's the one.
232 00:14:15,940 00:14:17,419 So. Have you decided yet? So. Have you decided yet?
233 00:14:17,700 00:14:18,655 Look, could you make it Look, could you make it
234 00:14:18,820 00:14:20,492 a calamari sandwich and a glass of wine, please? a calamari sandwich and a glass of wine, please?
235 00:14:20,660 00:14:23,811 That order has been put on stand-bypass. That order has been put on stand-bypass.
236 00:14:24,420 00:14:27,332 Yeah, right, so you're preaching about nutritional morals Yeah, right, so you're preaching about nutritional morals
237 00:14:27,500 00:14:28,933 and now you order a calamari sandwich. and now you order a calamari sandwich.
238 00:14:29,380 00:14:31,655 You're right. You're right.
239 00:14:32,060 00:14:35,894 Make mine with a leaf of lettuce, but make it a really thin one. Make mine with a leaf of lettuce, but make it a really thin one.
240 00:14:36,140 00:14:37,129 Don't make it with anything, Don't make it with anything,
241 00:14:37,300 00:14:38,449 and if you do, I'll bash your teeth in. and if you do, I'll bash your teeth in.
242 00:14:38,620 00:14:39,973 Jesus, Zeze, don't your realize I'm sick? Jesus, Zeze, don't your realize I'm sick?
243 00:14:40,140 00:14:41,095 I don't care. I don't care.
244 00:14:41,260 00:14:42,739 And I had to go to the ER. And I had to go to the ER.
245 00:14:43,020 00:14:43,975 What do you want? What do you want?
246 00:14:44,260 00:14:47,297 For me to die of a subcutaneous avitaminosis? For me to die of a subcutaneous avitaminosis?
247 00:14:49,060 00:14:50,015 A what? A what?
248 00:14:50,180 00:14:51,249 Avitaminosis. Avitaminosis.
249 00:14:51,980 00:14:56,849 Is that what you have? So then, order a sandwich at least. Is that what you have? So then, order a sandwich at least.
250 00:14:57,540 00:14:59,496 It's about time. It's about time.
251 00:15:00,380 00:15:02,416 CLOSED FOR CONSTRUCTION UNTIL A FEW YEARS FROM NOW CLOSED FOR CONSTRUCTION UNTIL A FEW YEARS FROM NOW
252 00:15:08,500 00:15:13,938 YOU'RE SO FULL OF IT WHEN IT COMES TO PHILOSOPHISING... YOU'RE SO FULL OF IT WHEN IT COMES TO PHILOSOPHISING...
253 00:15:15,340 00:15:16,739 Jesus fucking Christ! Jesus fucking Christ!
254 00:15:17,220 00:15:19,256 Over here, quiet as an ass! Over here, quiet as an ass!
255 00:15:20,340 00:15:21,295 And wouldn't you know it, And wouldn't you know it,
256 00:15:21,460 00:15:22,415 this fucking machine is out of order... this fucking machine is out of order...
257 00:15:22,580 00:15:24,298 I want chips, now! I want chips, now!
258 00:15:24,500 00:15:25,569 So what then, shall we get going? So what then, shall we get going?
259 00:15:25,740 00:15:26,889 Are you ready? Are you ready?
260 00:15:27,060 00:15:29,733 I missed my turn and it made my day, Zeze. I missed my turn and it made my day, Zeze.
261 00:15:30,620 00:15:33,259 What are you, a dumbfuck? What are you, a dumbfuck?
262 00:15:33,460 00:15:34,813 This batbrain here is a mystery to us all. This batbrain here is a mystery to us all.
263 00:15:35,020 00:15:36,612 So like, you missed your turn and it made your day? So like, you missed your turn and it made your day?
264 00:15:36,780 00:15:38,008 Exactly. Exactly.
265 00:15:38,500 00:15:41,492 Zeze, guess who this mangled sicko is. Zeze, guess who this mangled sicko is.
266 00:15:41,700 00:15:44,658 Jesus, it fucking looks like ET. Jesus, it fucking looks like ET.
267 00:15:44,820 00:15:46,890 It's not fucking ET. It's me. It's not fucking ET. It's me.
268 00:15:47,220 00:15:50,337 And is that that hanger I swallowed that one time? And is that that hanger I swallowed that one time?
269 00:15:50,940 00:15:52,532 That's it! That's it!
270 00:15:52,820 00:15:55,050 Boy, did I have to give it to you that day. Boy, did I have to give it to you that day.
271 00:15:55,220 00:15:57,256 Of course, I didn't want to open my mouth. Of course, I didn't want to open my mouth.
272 00:15:57,420 00:16:01,936 Jesus, but that was more than twenty years ago, right? Jesus, but that was more than twenty years ago, right?
273 00:16:02,100 00:16:04,978 The thing is, I never had time to come and get my x-rays. The thing is, I never had time to come and get my x-rays.
274 00:16:05,300 00:16:07,530 My life recently has been hell. My life recently has been hell.
275 00:16:07,780 00:16:09,259 I haven't even been sleeping in my bed. I haven't even been sleeping in my bed.
276 00:16:10,340 00:16:11,773 I was crashing there in the room. I was crashing there in the room.
277 00:16:12,340 00:16:13,375 What about the hanger? What about the hanger?
278 00:16:13,540 00:16:16,373 I don't know, it must be hanging out around my liver by now. I don't know, it must be hanging out around my liver by now.
279 00:16:16,580 00:16:19,413 Which is why my liver hurts so much... when I drink. Which is why my liver hurts so much... when I drink.
280 00:16:19,620 00:16:22,009 Goddamn right, with the hanger rusting and all. Goddamn right, with the hanger rusting and all.
281 00:16:22,180 00:16:24,978 Anyway, we've got the papers now, we're all set, let's get outta here. Anyway, we've got the papers now, we're all set, let's get outta here.
282 00:16:25,220 00:16:26,175 We're not going anywhere We're not going anywhere
283 00:16:26,380 00:16:28,575 until this fucking vending machine gives me my chips. until this fucking vending machine gives me my chips.
284 00:16:29,500 00:16:31,377 Now wait, let's see. The machine swallowed the coin? Now wait, let's see. The machine swallowed the coin?
285 00:16:32,060 00:16:33,015 What coin? What coin?
286 00:16:38,100 00:16:40,978 Jesus fucking Christ, we hit rush hour! Jesus fucking Christ, we hit rush hour!
287 00:16:41,340 00:16:44,218 No problem. Turn left; I know a shortcut. No problem. Turn left; I know a shortcut.
288 00:16:57,900 00:17:00,368 Godammit, you got us stuck in the fucking traffic jam. Godammit, you got us stuck in the fucking traffic jam.
289 00:17:00,620 00:17:02,372 You're the one who told me to turn left. You're the one who told me to turn left.
290 00:17:03,580 00:17:05,093 It's because of the construction. It's because of the construction.
291 00:17:05,900 00:17:07,731 This fucking city is always under construction. This fucking city is always under construction.
292 00:17:07,900 00:17:09,333 They're fucking everything up. They're fucking everything up.
293 00:17:11,700 00:17:13,019 Toni, open the door, Toni, open the door,
294 00:17:13,700 00:17:15,258 chips always give me gas. chips always give me gas.
295 00:17:15,860 00:17:18,499 Goddammit, what a fucking stench! Don't tell anyone you're healthy. Goddammit, what a fucking stench! Don't tell anyone you're healthy.
296 00:17:20,940 00:17:22,134 The door fell off! The door fell off!
297 00:17:26,500 00:17:28,058 Dumbass, get that piece of shit moving Dumbass, get that piece of shit moving
298 00:17:28,300 00:17:31,053 or I'll have to get out and kick start it! or I'll have to get out and kick start it!
299 00:17:33,340 00:17:34,978 Why the hell are all these people here Why the hell are all these people here
300 00:17:35,140 00:17:36,368 at the same time anyway? at the same time anyway?
301 00:17:36,580 00:17:37,774 Because of work, Zeze. Because of work, Zeze.
302 00:17:38,180 00:17:39,135 At this hour? At this hour?
303 00:17:39,540 00:17:41,053 There are people who work. There are people who work.
304 00:17:42,060 00:17:43,937 Which is why this country doesn't count for anything. Which is why this country doesn't count for anything.
305 00:17:45,020 00:17:46,373 Move it, jackass! Move it, jackass!
306 00:17:47,780 00:17:52,808 Zeze, when I stop to think about it and I see all this confusion, Zeze, when I stop to think about it and I see all this confusion,
307 00:17:53,020 00:17:54,055 do you know what I think? do you know what I think?
308 00:17:54,340 00:17:55,773 No, I don't even want to know. No, I don't even want to know.
309 00:17:56,140 00:17:57,368 Well I'm going to tell you anyway. Well I'm going to tell you anyway.
310 00:17:57,660 00:18:00,618 I think this society is unorganized. I think this society is unorganized.
311 00:18:01,420 00:18:03,775 Some go to work for others, Some go to work for others,
312 00:18:04,220 00:18:06,859 and the others go to work for us, right? and the others go to work for us, right?
313 00:18:07,140 00:18:09,176 To work? To work, but badly. To work? To work, but badly.
314 00:18:10,100 00:18:12,011 Come on, get moving moron! Come on, get moving moron!
315 00:18:12,980 00:18:16,290 This modern world. It's all about competition. This modern world. It's all about competition.
316 00:18:16,540 00:18:19,134 Every goddamn one of us is blinded by money. Every goddamn one of us is blinded by money.
317 00:18:19,820 00:18:23,369 What about ideals? What ever happened to ideals? What about ideals? What ever happened to ideals?
318 00:18:23,580 00:18:25,013 God knows what it's going to be this time. God knows what it's going to be this time.
319 00:18:27,580 00:18:29,218 This piece of shit radio doesn't work or what? This piece of shit radio doesn't work or what?
320 00:18:29,380 00:18:30,335 Of course it does. Of course it does.
321 00:18:32,500 00:18:33,819 It's Janis Lopez! It's Janis Lopez!
322 00:18:34,060 00:18:35,971 This chick knew what she was talking about. This chick knew what she was talking about.
323 00:18:36,220 00:18:38,859 She got sick and tired of it all and got a one way ticket outta here. She got sick and tired of it all and got a one way ticket outta here.
324 00:18:39,820 00:18:42,653 Janis Llopis went to live in Estoril? Janis Llopis went to live in Estoril?
325 00:18:43,060 00:18:44,129 Where did you read that? Where did you read that?
326 00:18:44,380 00:18:45,335 Jesus fucking Christ, Zeze! Jesus fucking Christ, Zeze!
327 00:18:45,620 00:18:46,575 A one way ticket to the beyond, A one way ticket to the beyond,
328 00:18:46,740 00:18:47,968 to beyond the beyond, to the fifth dimension. to beyond the beyond, to the fifth dimension.
329 00:18:48,140 00:18:50,700 Ever heard of it? Ever heard of it?
330 00:18:50,860 00:18:53,738 Yes. I've heard something about the heatstroke melting your head. Yes. I've heard something about the heatstroke melting your head.
331 00:18:53,900 00:18:55,333 You're the one who's beyond the beyond. You're the one who's beyond the beyond.
332 00:18:56,220 00:18:57,778 Zeze, when someone goes to the beyond, Zeze, when someone goes to the beyond,
333 00:18:57,940 00:18:58,895 they can't take anything with them, they can't take anything with them,
334 00:18:59,060 00:19:00,049 not even their car. not even their car.
335 00:19:00,220 00:19:01,175 Gosh what luck, Gosh what luck,
336 00:19:01,420 00:19:05,493 can you imagine yourself with this piece of junk in heaven, can you imagine yourself with this piece of junk in heaven,
337 00:19:06,420 00:19:09,298 spewing out gasocarbonates onto the head of Saint Peter? spewing out gasocarbonates onto the head of Saint Peter?
338 00:19:09,660 00:19:10,615 Goddamn right, let me tell ya. Goddamn right, let me tell ya.
339 00:19:10,780 00:19:12,691 They'd kick you out faster than you can say emissions test. They'd kick you out faster than you can say emissions test.
340 00:19:13,260 00:19:14,978 This fucking Janis Gomez is bustin my goddamn balls. This fucking Janis Gomez is bustin my goddamn balls.
341 00:19:15,900 00:19:19,939 Go fucking sing somewhere else, in the beyond! Go fucking sing somewhere else, in the beyond!
342 00:19:21,380 00:19:23,450 You get all pissed off, man. You get all pissed off, man.
343 00:19:23,660 00:19:27,050 Show some respect to Janis, for fuck's sake, she's a legend. Show some respect to Janis, for fuck's sake, she's a legend.
344 00:19:27,260 00:19:28,249 Respect the divine, dude. Respect the divine, dude.
345 00:19:29,020 00:19:30,214 You want your face smashed in? You want your face smashed in?
346 00:19:31,180 00:19:32,772 If anyone in this car If anyone in this car
347 00:19:32,940 00:19:36,649 has more respect for the divine than you, it's me... dumbfuck. has more respect for the divine than you, it's me... dumbfuck.
348 00:19:36,860 00:19:39,090 You? For your information, You? For your information,
349 00:19:39,260 00:19:42,491 I didn't get my First Communion because they made me slave away I didn't get my First Communion because they made me slave away
350 00:19:42,700 00:19:43,689 to get baptized first. to get baptized first.
351 00:19:43,860 00:19:44,815 That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about.
352 00:19:44,980 00:19:45,935 But, check this out. But, check this out.
353 00:19:46,100 00:19:47,055 At home I've got a rosary At home I've got a rosary
354 00:19:47,220 00:19:51,179 and picture books of the story of the resurrelection of Judas. and picture books of the story of the resurrelection of Judas.
355 00:19:51,420 00:19:53,172 But which one, the Old Testament or the new one? But which one, the Old Testament or the new one?
356 00:19:53,380 00:19:55,052 No fucking idea. I've had it for forever though. No fucking idea. I've had it for forever though.
357 00:19:55,300 00:19:56,415 Then it's the old one. Then it's the old one.
358 00:19:56,620 00:19:58,656 Yeah, besides, it's covered in cobwebs. Yeah, besides, it's covered in cobwebs.
359 00:19:59,020 00:19:59,975 Step on it! Step on it!
360 00:20:00,540 00:20:01,609 I've see people move faster in the cemetery! I've see people move faster in the cemetery!
361 00:20:01,780 00:20:02,735 Move your ass! Move your ass!
362 00:20:03,380 00:20:06,292 What, did you win your driver's license in a crap shoot! What, did you win your driver's license in a crap shoot!
363 00:20:06,660 00:20:09,254 You know what this world needs? You know what this world needs?
364 00:20:09,740 00:20:13,210 A new religion, Buddhism style, Om. A new religion, Buddhism style, Om.
365 00:20:16,300 00:20:17,494 Or one like the Arabs got. Or one like the Arabs got.
366 00:20:17,980 00:20:19,379 The Arabic one isn't new. The Arabic one isn't new.
367 00:20:19,860 00:20:21,771 Ours began on May 13th in Fatima, Ours began on May 13th in Fatima,
368 00:20:21,940 00:20:23,578 and theirs on September 11th in New York. and theirs on September 11th in New York.
369 00:20:23,820 00:20:26,618 Holy shit, Zeze, you're a fucking genius with dates! Holy shit, Zeze, you're a fucking genius with dates!
370 00:20:26,820 00:20:27,775 Thank you. Thank you.
371 00:20:28,420 00:20:30,297 This motherfucking traffic jam is pissing me off. This motherfucking traffic jam is pissing me off.
372 00:20:33,180 00:20:35,171 Move your ass, dickhead Move your ass, dickhead
373 00:20:36,140 00:20:39,735 or I'll rip out your eyeball or I'll rip out your eyeball
374 00:20:40,420 00:20:42,376 and take a dump in the hole. and take a dump in the hole.
375 00:20:44,420 00:20:47,457 You really need to learn to respect your fellow man. You really need to learn to respect your fellow man.
376 00:20:47,620 00:20:48,973 Remember, God will choose... Remember, God will choose...
377 00:20:49,380 00:20:51,940 What do ya mean, God will chew? That old bastard! What do ya mean, God will chew? That old bastard!
378 00:20:52,580 00:20:57,893 Even if he had teeth, they'd only be good for eating or... Even if he had teeth, they'd only be good for eating or...
379 00:20:58,140 00:20:59,095 Or drinking? Or drinking?
380 00:20:59,260 00:21:00,215 No, order... No, order...
381 00:21:00,380 00:21:01,335 Ordering meals? Ordering meals?
382 00:21:01,540 00:21:02,814 No, order, order... No, order, order...
383 00:21:03,020 00:21:04,135 Order to go, I'm getting hungry. Order to go, I'm getting hungry.
384 00:21:04,420 00:21:05,978 Hors d'oeuvres goddammit, Hors d'oeuvres goddammit,
385 00:21:06,660 00:21:10,892 religious ones like angel food cake or that pasta... religious ones like angel food cake or that pasta...
386 00:21:16,100 00:21:19,251 The Lord works in mysterious ways. The Lord works in mysterious ways.
387 00:21:21,780 00:21:24,374 So Zeze, what did my father say? So Zeze, what did my father say?
388 00:21:24,860 00:21:28,694 He said lots of things, the old bastard. He said lots of things, the old bastard.
389 00:21:28,940 00:21:31,659 Still the same old chatterbox, no? Still the same old chatterbox, no?
390 00:21:32,060 00:21:33,732 But Toni, you never actually met him. But Toni, you never actually met him.
391 00:21:33,980 00:21:37,609 Well no, which is why I wanted to know all the details. Well no, which is why I wanted to know all the details.
392 00:21:37,780 00:21:39,850 I'm not sure you're ready for that though. I'm not sure you're ready for that though.
393 00:21:40,020 00:21:41,294 Of course I am, dude; I'm all ears! Of course I am, dude; I'm all ears!
394 00:21:42,940 00:21:43,895 All right. All right.
395 00:21:46,260 00:21:47,579 But first let's pray. But first let's pray.
396 00:21:47,860 00:21:49,896 Pray? Zeze, I haven't even washed my hands. Pray? Zeze, I haven't even washed my hands.
397 00:21:50,460 00:21:52,098 On your knees, right now! On your knees, right now!
398 00:21:52,380 00:21:54,735 I can't get on my knees because of my arthrosis. I can't get on my knees because of my arthrosis.
399 00:21:55,100 00:21:59,173 I'm sorry, but my collar bones just won't hold up. I'm sorry, but my collar bones just won't hold up.
400 00:21:59,460 00:22:00,939 Toni, close your eyes! Toni, close your eyes!
401 00:22:01,260 00:22:03,820 No way! If I close them, you'll punch me, I know you. No way! If I close them, you'll punch me, I know you.
402 00:22:04,020 00:22:06,659 All right, then don't close them. All right, then don't close them.
403 00:22:06,980 00:22:09,448 Ready? Shit, praying's a breeze. Ready? Shit, praying's a breeze.
404 00:22:10,060 00:22:13,097 Toni, don't tell me you never learned how to pray. Toni, don't tell me you never learned how to pray.
405 00:22:13,700 00:22:14,849 How am I going to learn how to pray How am I going to learn how to pray
406 00:22:15,020 00:22:16,089 if I never even learned to speak right. if I never even learned to speak right.
407 00:22:16,300 00:22:19,178 I've never even set foot in a church until today. I've never even set foot in a church until today.
408 00:22:20,060 00:22:22,335 You'd never set foot in a church before, you heretic? You'd never set foot in a church before, you heretic?
409 00:22:23,100 00:22:25,489 Never. They never let me. Never. They never let me.
410 00:22:26,580 00:22:30,129 Every time I went into the sacristies, they yelled at me: Every time I went into the sacristies, they yelled at me:
411 00:22:30,340 00:22:33,537 Drop the brush, asshole Drop the brush, asshole
412 00:22:34,100 00:22:36,898 and stop washing your feet in the holy water! and stop washing your feet in the holy water!
413 00:22:38,060 00:22:43,293 Toni, poor devil. You disgust me. Toni, poor devil. You disgust me.
414 00:22:43,540 00:22:44,575 Thank you. Thank you.
415 00:22:45,340 00:22:46,773 Come on now, take your confession! Come on now, take your confession!
416 00:22:46,980 00:22:48,208 I really don't think so! I really don't think so!
417 00:22:48,780 00:22:49,929 Do I have to get on my knees? Do I have to get on my knees?
418 00:22:54,220 00:22:57,178 Zeze, give me your blessing for I have sinned tones. Zeze, give me your blessing for I have sinned tones.
419 00:22:57,380 00:22:59,814 I'm the priest here, and I'm in charge. I'm the priest here, and I'm in charge.
420 00:23:00,220 00:23:01,175 Forgive me. Forgive me.
421 00:23:01,740 00:23:03,776 You're supposed to ask forgiveness at the end. You're supposed to ask forgiveness at the end.
422 00:23:04,300 00:23:05,255 Yeah? To who? Yeah? To who?
423 00:23:05,420 00:23:06,375 To me. To me.
424 00:23:06,620 00:23:09,214 To you? And what have I done to you to have to ask for your forgiveness? To you? And what have I done to you to have to ask for your forgiveness?
425 00:23:09,500 00:23:10,819 Something, there's always something. Something, there's always something.
426 00:23:11,020 00:23:12,214 Every time you open that big mouth of yours, Every time you open that big mouth of yours,
427 00:23:12,380 00:23:16,055 you hurt everyone around you. So shut up! you hurt everyone around you. So shut up!
428 00:23:16,500 00:23:19,458 Okay, okay, chill out. Okay, okay, chill out.
429 00:23:20,020 00:23:24,013 I'm just sitting here quiet as a mouse having a smoke... I'm just sitting here quiet as a mouse having a smoke...
430 00:23:24,460 00:23:27,418 Toni, you're not allowed to smoke in the confession booth. Toni, you're not allowed to smoke in the confession booth.
431 00:23:27,860 00:23:30,055 Fuck that! Where's the sign? There's no sign in here. Fuck that! Where's the sign? There's no sign in here.
432 00:23:30,380 00:23:32,336 In the House of the Lord, there are no signs. In the House of the Lord, there are no signs.
433 00:23:32,540 00:23:38,331 The House of the Lord is a sign on the Great Highway of life. The House of the Lord is a sign on the Great Highway of life.
434 00:23:40,820 00:23:44,130 And so you will now tell me your sins, And so you will now tell me your sins,
435 00:23:44,300 00:23:46,370 and I'll sit here listening... and laughing. and I'll sit here listening... and laughing.
436 00:23:47,020 00:23:50,808 Sins? Like what? Like sneaking a smoke? Sins? Like what? Like sneaking a smoke?
437 00:23:51,100 00:23:52,294 Exactly. Exactly.
438 00:23:54,060 00:23:58,815 Tell me, have you ever sneaked a smoke anywhere? Tell me, have you ever sneaked a smoke anywhere?
439 00:23:59,220 00:24:00,733 Me? All the time. Me? All the time.
440 00:24:03,140 00:24:04,937 You see. Now we're getting somewhere. You see. Now we're getting somewhere.
441 00:24:06,900 00:24:09,255 And when was that, child of God? And when was that, child of God?
442 00:24:10,380 00:24:11,415 Now. Now.
443 00:24:11,900 00:24:15,609 You see? We've taken another step in the right direction. You see? We've taken another step in the right direction.
444 00:24:15,900 00:24:18,812 And where was that? And where was that?
445 00:24:19,460 00:24:20,449 Here. Here.
446 00:24:20,700 00:24:23,533 You see? Here and now. You see? Here and now.
447 00:24:25,780 00:24:28,453 Toni, are you smoking in the confession booth? Toni, are you smoking in the confession booth?
448 00:24:28,660 00:24:30,298 Of course I am, but I'm sneaking it. Of course I am, but I'm sneaking it.
449 00:24:30,500 00:24:32,058 I told you there were a lot of signs around I told you there were a lot of signs around
450 00:24:32,220 00:24:34,051 and I didn't want to break the rules. and I didn't want to break the rules.
451 00:24:34,260 00:24:37,411 Toni, this is filling up with smoke. Are you trying to burn this all down? Toni, this is filling up with smoke. Are you trying to burn this all down?
452 00:24:38,500 00:24:40,411 Fucking door is jammed! Fucking door is jammed!
453 00:24:40,660 00:24:41,934 If you were on this side, If you were on this side,
454 00:24:42,140 00:24:44,859 you'd be safe cuz here there's only a little curtain. you'd be safe cuz here there's only a little curtain.
455 00:24:45,180 00:24:47,410 Did you buy this velvet? It's fucking great! Did you buy this velvet? It's fucking great!
456 00:24:48,300 00:24:49,779 Toni, there's too much smoke. Toni, there's too much smoke.
457 00:24:49,940 00:24:51,168 This is on fire. This is on fire.
458 00:24:52,380 00:24:55,816 Call the fire department, the armed forces, the navy! Call the fire department, the armed forces, the navy!
459 00:24:56,140 00:24:57,653 I can't, there's no coverage here. I can't, there's no coverage here.
460 00:24:58,180 00:24:59,772 You know what these convents are like. You know what these convents are like.
461 00:24:59,940 00:25:01,737 Stone on stone, and then things like this happen. Stone on stone, and then things like this happen.
462 00:25:01,980 00:25:02,935 And wouldn't you know it, And wouldn't you know it,
463 00:25:03,100 00:25:05,170 I have a third degeneration cell phone. I have a third degeneration cell phone.
464 00:25:05,380 00:25:06,733 Don't go and think it's just some talkie-walker with an antenna. Don't go and think it's just some talkie-walker with an antenna.
465 00:25:06,940 00:25:09,408 Go, go, save yourself Go, go, save yourself
466 00:25:09,580 00:25:11,650 and tell the world I died a hero's death! and tell the world I died a hero's death!
467 00:25:12,460 00:25:14,894 That's all, folks! That's all, folks!
468 00:25:17,820 00:25:19,776 No, wait, wait, I've changed my mind. No, wait, wait, I've changed my mind.
469 00:25:19,940 00:25:23,774 Save me before I get toasted here alive. Save me before I get toasted here alive.
470 00:25:24,220 00:25:25,972 Zeze, you know what? Zeze, you know what?
471 00:25:26,140 00:25:31,533 If you told me what my father said, God might give you a reward. If you told me what my father said, God might give you a reward.
472 00:25:31,740 00:25:33,571 I'll tell you everything, I'll tell you everything. I'll tell you everything, I'll tell you everything.
473 00:25:33,740 00:25:34,695 Cross your heart, hope... Cross your heart, hope...
474 00:25:34,860 00:25:36,054 I'll stick a fucking needle up my ass! I'll stick a fucking needle up my ass!
475 00:25:36,620 00:25:37,575 Your ass or your eye? Your ass or your eye?
476 00:25:37,980 00:25:38,935 My... My...
477 00:25:39,300 00:25:40,255 Your what? Your what?
478 00:25:40,420 00:25:41,375 Both. Both.
479 00:25:48,580 00:25:51,652 From the outside, this opens really easily. From the outside, this opens really easily.
480 00:25:51,980 00:25:53,572 It must be the hinges. It must be the hinges.
481 00:25:53,780 00:25:58,854 Have you put any lube spray on the hinges recently? Have you put any lube spray on the hinges recently?
482 00:26:03,620 00:26:04,939 You saved me... You saved me...
483 00:26:05,460 00:26:08,497 Thank you, Lord, thank you, amen... Thank you, Lord, thank you, amen...
484 00:26:08,660 00:26:10,457 Let me tell ya amen, fella! Let me tell ya amen, fella!
485 00:26:10,660 00:26:13,857 Come on, tell me what my father said. Come on, tell me what my father said.
486 00:26:14,460 00:26:17,497 I'll tell you. Jesus fucking Christ will I ever tell you! I'll tell you. Jesus fucking Christ will I ever tell you!
487 00:26:27,700 00:26:32,728 THREE MONTHS EARLIER, MORE OR LESS BECAUSE IT DOESN'T MATTER THREE MONTHS EARLIER, MORE OR LESS BECAUSE IT DOESN'T MATTER
488 00:26:50,700 00:26:52,816 Steaky, Steaky, have you got the meat ready for the stew yet? Steaky, Steaky, have you got the meat ready for the stew yet?
489 00:26:53,020 00:26:55,409 Everyone's so hungry they're about to start a riot. Everyone's so hungry they're about to start a riot.
490 00:26:57,580 00:26:58,774 It's coming. It's coming.
491 00:27:14,740 00:27:18,938 SINCE TRADITION RULES, NO SAUSAGE STEW WITHOUT BEANS SINCE TRADITION RULES, NO SAUSAGE STEW WITHOUT BEANS
492 00:27:42,860 00:27:44,293 What the fuck is going on? What the fuck is going on?
493 00:27:44,460 00:27:46,132 Can't anyone take a crap in peace around here? Can't anyone take a crap in peace around here?
494 00:27:46,300 00:27:49,610 Cookie, Cookie, everyone's still waiting for the stew. Cookie, Cookie, everyone's still waiting for the stew.
495 00:27:49,820 00:27:51,094 What's the problem? I've got the beans already. What's the problem? I've got the beans already.
496 00:27:51,300 00:27:52,255 Are they good? Are they good?
497 00:27:52,420 00:27:53,375 Fucking delicious! Fucking delicious!
498 00:27:53,540 00:27:54,768 I tried them last night at dinner I tried them last night at dinner
499 00:27:55,020 00:27:56,692 and the only time I left the bathroom was to have a smoke. and the only time I left the bathroom was to have a smoke.
500 00:27:56,900 00:27:58,015 How great! How great!
501 00:28:12,580 00:28:14,810 Hey there, Chump, that's quite a stump! Hey there, Chump, that's quite a stump!
502 00:28:23,540 00:28:25,292 Agent Chump, what a nasty bump. Agent Chump, what a nasty bump.
503 00:28:25,540 00:28:27,974 We're gonna have to cut off traffic in the neighborhood, no? We're gonna have to cut off traffic in the neighborhood, no?
504 00:28:28,140 00:28:29,175 Otherwise, there won't be any stew. Otherwise, there won't be any stew.
505 00:28:36,100 00:28:37,772 Damn, I almost cut off my mustache! Damn, I almost cut off my mustache!
506 00:28:38,100 00:28:39,374 Yes, my love? Yes, my love?
507 00:28:39,820 00:28:41,890 Some people have come to talk to you. Some people have come to talk to you.
508 00:28:42,180 00:28:43,772 Tell them I've already paid, sweetie. Tell them I've already paid, sweetie.
509 00:28:44,100 00:28:46,295 Tell them yourself, I ain't your servant. Tell them yourself, I ain't your servant.
510 00:28:46,500 00:28:48,650 Or did you think this was the Ritz Hotel? Or did you think this was the Ritz Hotel?
511 00:28:49,260 00:28:52,252 No my love, it was just a little favor I was asking you for. No my love, it was just a little favor I was asking you for.
512 00:28:52,500 00:28:54,491 Little favor? If you want favors, you'll have to pay for them. Little favor? If you want favors, you'll have to pay for them.
513 00:28:54,780 00:28:57,055 And you'll owe me some if you dare go out partying And you'll owe me some if you dare go out partying
514 00:28:57,260 00:28:58,534 without doing the dishes first. without doing the dishes first.
515 00:28:59,060 00:29:02,177 Don't worry, my darling. I still haven't finished yet. Don't worry, my darling. I still haven't finished yet.
516 00:29:02,340 00:29:05,855 Shut up and don't make any noise. I'm going to do my legs! Shut up and don't make any noise. I'm going to do my legs!
517 00:29:10,420 00:29:11,569 Get out of here, go play in the pantry Get out of here, go play in the pantry
518 00:29:11,820 00:29:14,380 where there's more room! where there's more room!
519 00:29:16,500 00:29:18,809 So, what the hell is going on with you all, you bagpipe band? So, what the hell is going on with you all, you bagpipe band?
520 00:29:19,460 00:29:24,614 The question is this, Zeze: We are here for the stew. The question is this, Zeze: We are here for the stew.
521 00:29:25,260 00:29:28,411 We need your magic touch in the kitchen. We need your magic touch in the kitchen.
522 00:29:29,300 00:29:31,734 No way! Eat salad then! No way! Eat salad then!
523 00:29:32,140 00:29:33,368 This year, I'm not setting foot in there. This year, I'm not setting foot in there.
524 00:29:33,860 00:29:36,215 But Zeze, without you, the stew isn't the same. But Zeze, without you, the stew isn't the same.
525 00:29:36,980 00:29:38,698 Last year they didn't let me sing the fado. Last year they didn't let me sing the fado.
526 00:29:38,900 00:29:40,219 So then if I'm not fit for a stew So then if I'm not fit for a stew
527 00:29:40,420 00:29:43,139 that demands my seasoned-stew presence. that demands my seasoned-stew presence.
528 00:29:47,700 00:29:48,655 No! No!
529 00:29:49,700 00:29:53,215 But Zeze, the mayor has set up some speakers But Zeze, the mayor has set up some speakers
530 00:29:53,460 00:29:55,928 so you can sing the fado. so you can sing the fado.
531 00:29:56,100 00:29:58,216 And boy did it ever cost a fortune! And boy did it ever cost a fortune!
532 00:29:58,420 00:29:59,375 Does it work? Does it work?
533 00:29:59,580 00:30:01,411 Of course it does. They are Benito Camelas' speakers. Of course it does. They are Benito Camelas' speakers.
534 00:30:01,740 00:30:02,695 Who? The fado singer? Who? The fado singer?
535 00:30:02,860 00:30:03,815 No, his brother. No, his brother.
536 00:30:03,980 00:30:04,935 The drywaller? The drywaller?
537 00:30:05,100 00:30:06,055 That's the one, him. That's the one, him.
538 00:30:06,260 00:30:07,249 What about musicians? What about musicians?
539 00:30:07,540 00:30:10,213 One-handed Manolo is on the guitar, One-handed Manolo is on the guitar,
540 00:30:10,420 00:30:12,650 and Pepe the Hook is on the tambourine. and Pepe the Hook is on the tambourine.
541 00:30:21,700 00:30:27,935 Damn, it's impossible to say no with those artists! Damn, it's impossible to say no with those artists!
542 00:30:28,380 00:30:29,733 What about the artist's fee? What about the artist's fee?
543 00:30:32,140 00:30:34,700 The cash, the dough, The cash, the dough,
544 00:30:34,900 00:30:38,609 what I charge for artistic expenditure. what I charge for artistic expenditure.
545 00:30:40,020 00:30:45,299 Zeze, the money is all meant to go to help the retarded. Zeze, the money is all meant to go to help the retarded.
546 00:30:45,740 00:30:47,696 The retards? Fuck that! The retards? Fuck that!
547 00:30:47,900 00:30:48,855 It's true. It's true.
548 00:30:49,020 00:30:50,499 No. - Yes. No. - Yes.
549 00:30:52,220 00:30:56,816 Fine, then I'll lend my talent to the retards. Fine, then I'll lend my talent to the retards.
550 00:30:57,460 00:30:59,416 You'll have to give me a case of beer You'll have to give me a case of beer
551 00:30:59,740 00:31:02,573 so my throat is suitably tuned, mind you. so my throat is suitably tuned, mind you.
552 00:31:02,820 00:31:05,812 Great throat, deep throat Zeze. The greatest! Great throat, deep throat Zeze. The greatest!
553 00:31:06,060 00:31:09,018 Great it is, especially when I get done doing the dishes. Great it is, especially when I get done doing the dishes.
554 00:31:09,220 00:31:11,256 Otherwise, this isn't going anywhere. Otherwise, this isn't going anywhere.
555 00:31:12,820 00:31:15,254 Sweetie pie, but here I am with the scrubber in hand Sweetie pie, but here I am with the scrubber in hand
556 00:31:15,420 00:31:16,819 and the Palmolive on my nails. and the Palmolive on my nails.
557 00:31:18,020 00:31:21,092 When I get a hold of her, she's really going to get it. When I get a hold of her, she's really going to get it.
558 00:31:21,340 00:31:22,739 I'm going to bash her face in so hard, I'm going to bash her face in so hard,
559 00:31:22,940 00:31:24,373 the only thing she'll have left to cry with is her teeth. the only thing she'll have left to cry with is her teeth.
560 00:31:24,540 00:31:25,689 I heard that, Zeze. I heard that, Zeze.
561 00:31:26,940 00:31:28,578 Just kidding, love. Just kidding, love.
562 00:31:30,100 00:31:36,016 I was a little blonde bugger And looked like a studder I was a little blonde bugger And looked like a studder
563 00:31:37,340 00:31:40,935 And my mother would say She'd sell me one day And my mother would say She'd sell me one day
564 00:31:41,500 00:31:43,013 Just like she did to my brother Just like she did to my brother
565 00:31:44,340 00:31:50,654 I was the loveliest little cherry Ever born on the Tagus ferry I was the loveliest little cherry Ever born on the Tagus ferry
566 00:31:51,100 00:31:53,568 Never was there another like me Never was there another like me
567 00:31:53,860 00:31:57,535 So lovely was I That the mirror would cry So lovely was I That the mirror would cry
568 00:31:58,780 00:32:04,889 I was also a dear A funny little bat I was also a dear A funny little bat
569 00:32:05,260 00:32:09,458 When my father saw me He ran away fast When my father saw me He ran away fast
570 00:32:09,820 00:32:12,288 And left me in the square Just like that And left me in the square Just like that
571 00:32:13,300 00:32:16,417 My mother was so upset My mother was so upset
572 00:32:16,780 00:32:19,738 One day she stopped talking to me In a fit One day she stopped talking to me In a fit
573 00:32:19,940 00:32:23,979 Running away from me in the night As though I were such a fright Running away from me in the night As though I were such a fright
574 00:32:24,300 00:32:26,291 And really I couldn't give a shit And really I couldn't give a shit
575 00:32:27,740 00:32:33,337 I was born in this neighborhood Noble neighborhood of Lisbon I was born in this neighborhood Noble neighborhood of Lisbon
576 00:32:34,060 00:32:36,415 I'm afraid of no one I'm afraid of no one
577 00:32:36,820 00:32:40,210 I start kicking shit And I roast them right on the spit I start kicking shit And I roast them right on the spit
578 00:32:41,540 00:32:44,771 You sing badly and I don't like it You sing badly and I don't like it
579 00:32:45,020 00:32:47,978 You got any clothes to iron You got any clothes to iron
580 00:32:48,340 00:32:52,652 Cut out the bullshit and the wine I want everything clean and fine Cut out the bullshit and the wine I want everything clean and fine
581 00:32:52,940 00:32:55,659 Otherwise I'll beat you into tomorrow. Otherwise I'll beat you into tomorrow.
582 00:32:55,980 00:33:02,249 Zeze, you're screwed there buddy Take it from me, old Toni Zeze, you're screwed there buddy Take it from me, old Toni
583 00:33:02,860 00:33:06,978 You must be embarrassed To take orders from your sweetie You must be embarrassed To take orders from your sweetie
584 00:33:07,220 00:33:09,415 As though you were just a pussy. As though you were just a pussy.
585 00:33:10,300 00:33:15,932 So let me tellya, fella! I'm gonna beat your ass So let me tellya, fella! I'm gonna beat your ass
586 00:33:17,020 00:33:21,377 And you my darling chou-chou Don't cramp my style And you my darling chou-chou Don't cramp my style
587 00:33:21,620 00:33:23,497 And let me go make the stew. And let me go make the stew.
588 00:33:24,860 00:33:30,810 I'm not your fella, I'm Toni - And me, my name is Zeze I'm not your fella, I'm Toni - And me, my name is Zeze
589 00:33:31,460 00:33:35,738 This neighborhood is ours And for it we suffer This neighborhood is ours And for it we suffer
590 00:33:35,980 00:33:38,289 My foot's fucked up anyway... My foot's fucked up anyway...
591 00:33:38,900 00:33:45,135 We're two good buddies What a friendship we have We're two good buddies What a friendship we have
592 00:33:45,780 00:33:50,217 Let a brick fall out of the sky And bash in our heads Let a brick fall out of the sky And bash in our heads
593 00:33:50,580 00:33:52,411 If it turns out a lie If it turns out a lie
594 00:33:53,380 00:33:57,339 Let a brick fall out of the sky And bash in our heads Let a brick fall out of the sky And bash in our heads
595 00:33:57,540 00:33:59,417 If it turns out a lie If it turns out a lie
596 00:34:04,060 00:34:05,857 Thank you very much, Thank you very much,
597 00:34:06,020 00:34:08,056 I'd like to thank my beloved wife Noquinhas I'd like to thank my beloved wife Noquinhas
598 00:34:08,260 00:34:09,488 who could not come to see me... who could not come to see me...
599 00:34:10,140 00:34:14,452 Shut the hell up, you too... goofball! Shut the hell up, you too... goofball!
600 00:35:03,780 00:35:05,008 I'm thirsty... I'm thirsty...
601 00:35:06,220 00:35:08,609 Little fertile reptile! Little fertile reptile!
602 00:35:09,340 00:35:10,375 Wine! Wine!
603 00:35:11,620 00:35:15,249 What have you done to deserve a sip of bad wine What have you done to deserve a sip of bad wine
604 00:35:15,620 00:35:18,930 from this brother of yours in the leather pants? from this brother of yours in the leather pants?
605 00:35:20,900 00:35:25,178 Holy shit! Are those real leather? In this heat? Holy shit! Are those real leather? In this heat?
606 00:35:26,380 00:35:27,699 Gimme wine, goddammit! Gimme wine, goddammit!
607 00:35:28,500 00:35:33,096 You don't get it. I could bathe you with cactus nectar. You don't get it. I could bathe you with cactus nectar.
608 00:35:33,500 00:35:38,449 I could fill your throat with fresh camel's milk. I could fill your throat with fresh camel's milk.
609 00:35:39,300 00:35:41,814 I could even drown you in tea made by the baboons. I could even drown you in tea made by the baboons.
610 00:35:42,180 00:35:43,659 But you don't deserve it. But you don't deserve it.
611 00:35:44,260 00:35:47,491 Forget about camel tea. Fuck the bamboozles! Forget about camel tea. Fuck the bamboozles!
612 00:35:48,540 00:35:52,328 All I want is wine. Even if it comes out of a box. All I want is wine. Even if it comes out of a box.
613 00:35:53,900 00:35:56,460 Drink sand, you crouching scorpion. Drink sand, you crouching scorpion.
614 00:35:56,940 00:36:00,250 You haven't moved a finger to help your fellow man. You haven't moved a finger to help your fellow man.
615 00:36:00,460 00:36:03,054 You are the jealous Comanche You are the jealous Comanche
616 00:36:03,380 00:36:05,371 who hacks apart the father with a machete. who hacks apart the father with a machete.
617 00:36:05,580 00:36:07,491 Comanche? But in the army Comanche? But in the army
618 00:36:07,660 00:36:09,457 I never even made it to quartermaster corporal. I never even made it to quartermaster corporal.
619 00:36:10,980 00:36:12,379 Who are you, pink floyd? Who are you, pink floyd?
620 00:36:12,820 00:36:17,735 Don't you recognize me, moustache man? I'm Jimmy Morrison. Don't you recognize me, moustache man? I'm Jimmy Morrison.
621 00:36:18,460 00:36:19,415 Jimmy? Jimmy?
622 00:36:20,700 00:36:21,769 Morrison. Morrison.
623 00:36:23,380 00:36:25,689 I've wanted to ask you something for a long time now. I've wanted to ask you something for a long time now.
624 00:36:26,020 00:36:28,898 I know. It's what everyone wants to know. I know. It's what everyone wants to know.
625 00:36:29,140 00:36:33,179 What was it like with all those babes after the concerts? What was it like with all those babes after the concerts?
626 00:36:33,460 00:36:37,658 Them and me motherfucking and all night long. Them and me motherfucking and all night long.
627 00:36:39,540 00:36:42,930 No no, I want to know if you happen to have a box of wine. No no, I want to know if you happen to have a box of wine.
628 00:36:43,100 00:36:46,251 Leave me alone, I'm tempted to just dump you Leave me alone, I'm tempted to just dump you
629 00:36:46,420 00:36:48,729 and let the vultures pick away at ya. and let the vultures pick away at ya.
630 00:36:49,140 00:36:51,495 Them big old birds? Gimme a fucking break! Them big old birds? Gimme a fucking break!
631 00:36:51,700 00:36:55,295 If you bring me a casserole and two garlic cloves, If you bring me a casserole and two garlic cloves,
632 00:36:55,500 00:36:58,253 I'll make you a big ole kebab right now. I'll make you a big ole kebab right now.
633 00:36:58,420 00:37:00,058 But first, gimme wine, But first, gimme wine,
634 00:37:00,460 00:37:01,495 wine! wine!
635 00:37:02,420 00:37:03,375 Wine! Wine!
636 00:37:03,540 00:37:04,939 No, you annoying twit! No, you annoying twit!
637 00:37:05,140 00:37:07,131 You're gonna stay there You're gonna stay there
638 00:37:07,300 00:37:08,733 with your tongue stuck to the roof of your mouth. with your tongue stuck to the roof of your mouth.
639 00:37:08,940 00:37:12,728 Help others to help you, and you'll do yourself a favor. Help others to help you, and you'll do yourself a favor.
640 00:37:13,020 00:37:14,339 Don't even think about drinking this wine, Don't even think about drinking this wine,
641 00:37:14,540 00:37:17,418 it's mine and there's little left; I'm so thirsty I can't see straight. it's mine and there's little left; I'm so thirsty I can't see straight.
642 00:37:26,140 00:37:27,209 Wine! Wine!
643 00:37:27,540 00:37:30,452 Animal, you almost look like you just came out of the desert! Animal, you almost look like you just came out of the desert!
644 00:37:32,500 00:37:34,695 Toni, I, have had a vision. Toni, I, have had a vision.
645 00:37:34,860 00:37:36,054 With the first drink? Gimme a fucking break! With the first drink? Gimme a fucking break!
646 00:37:36,220 00:37:38,654 That usually happens to me on the fifth... The fifth box. That usually happens to me on the fifth... The fifth box.
647 00:37:40,420 00:37:41,694 And it was there. And it was there.
648 00:37:41,860 00:37:43,009 That was the spot? That was the spot?
649 00:37:43,620 00:37:45,690 No Toni, it's just a figure of speech. No Toni, it's just a figure of speech.
650 00:37:45,860 00:37:47,339 Goddammit, so then why don't you tell me everything? Goddammit, so then why don't you tell me everything?
651 00:37:47,500 00:37:50,492 And that was when I realized And that was when I realized
652 00:37:50,740 00:37:53,777 that I had to travel the world to help people, all people, that I had to travel the world to help people, all people,
653 00:37:53,940 00:37:54,895 and the retards. and the retards.
654 00:37:55,060 00:37:56,413 So like, helping them cross at crosswalks? So like, helping them cross at crosswalks?
655 00:37:56,820 00:37:58,253 Dammit Toni, don't be stubborn! Dammit Toni, don't be stubborn!
656 00:37:58,740 00:38:01,538 For retards, the entire world is a crosswalk. For retards, the entire world is a crosswalk.
657 00:38:01,740 00:38:03,219 Now that there are traffic lights, there's no problem right? Now that there are traffic lights, there's no problem right?
658 00:38:03,380 00:38:04,733 That way, the cars don't get 'em... That way, the cars don't get 'em...
659 00:38:04,900 00:38:06,731 Of course, that's the problem. Of course, that's the problem.
660 00:38:06,900 00:38:09,130 The retards are sick of getting run over The retards are sick of getting run over
661 00:38:09,300 00:38:14,135 and no one lifts even a finger to help them. and no one lifts even a finger to help them.
662 00:38:14,540 00:38:16,531 You know what this world needs? You know what this world needs?
663 00:38:16,700 00:38:22,332 Sodilaritity, Solitarity, Solitarieaty. Sodilaritity, Solitarity, Solitarieaty.
664 00:38:22,700 00:38:25,931 Right, just three things. Right, just three things.
665 00:38:26,340 00:38:27,295 Zeze. Zeze.
666 00:38:27,620 00:38:30,532 The truth is with this kind of people who help others, The truth is with this kind of people who help others,
667 00:38:31,140 00:38:36,612 I'd like to be like those who help save whales, and penguins, I'd like to be like those who help save whales, and penguins,
668 00:38:37,100 00:38:38,215 the ones from Green Piss. the ones from Green Piss.
669 00:38:38,460 00:38:40,610 What exactly and who the fuck is Green Piss? What exactly and who the fuck is Green Piss?
670 00:38:40,820 00:38:43,937 Zeze, Green Piss is a group led by a hippy and his wife, Zeze, Green Piss is a group led by a hippy and his wife,
671 00:38:44,140 00:38:47,291 who is totally insane and goes around on a boat. who is totally insane and goes around on a boat.
672 00:38:47,460 00:38:48,449 And they usually go to hang out at the North Pole. And they usually go to hang out at the North Pole.
673 00:38:48,620 00:38:51,259 A hippy in the North Pole? How cool! A hippy in the North Pole? How cool!
674 00:38:51,420 00:38:52,648 But, what the hell is a hippy doing in the North Pole? But, what the hell is a hippy doing in the North Pole?
675 00:38:52,820 00:38:54,173 He goes around saving the fucking little critters He goes around saving the fucking little critters
676 00:38:54,380 00:38:55,972 half frozen there on the tundra, half frozen there on the tundra,
677 00:38:56,140 00:38:57,698 waiting for the goddamn hippy to come and save them, right? waiting for the goddamn hippy to come and save them, right?
678 00:38:57,900 00:39:02,576 You know how many seals are killed every year to make codfish liver oil You know how many seals are killed every year to make codfish liver oil
679 00:39:02,780 00:39:05,010 and grease for shoe polish? and grease for shoe polish?
680 00:39:05,220 00:39:06,175 Wait, wait. Wait, wait.
681 00:39:06,340 00:39:08,058 What is it that they do, kill them or save them? What is it that they do, kill them or save them?
682 00:39:08,220 00:39:10,370 I think there's something here I don't get. I think there's something here I don't get.
683 00:39:10,740 00:39:13,049 Zeze, the hunters kill them, Zeze, the hunters kill them,
684 00:39:13,220 00:39:15,336 and the ones from Green Piss save them, goddammit. and the ones from Green Piss save them, goddammit.
685 00:39:16,180 00:39:18,740 They save them and then they kill them? They save them and then they kill them?
686 00:39:18,900 00:39:19,889 Goddammit, that's fucking sweet! Goddammit, that's fucking sweet!
687 00:39:20,100 00:39:21,453 The thing is, they're frozen. The thing is, they're frozen.
688 00:39:21,660 00:39:23,730 Haven't you ever watched the Recovery Channel? Haven't you ever watched the Recovery Channel?
689 00:39:24,220 00:39:27,098 The channel with all them fucking critters jumping and humping The channel with all them fucking critters jumping and humping
690 00:39:27,260 00:39:28,215 all over the place? all over the place?
691 00:39:28,380 00:39:29,335 No. No.
692 00:39:29,500 00:39:30,455 If you did, If you did,
693 00:39:30,940 00:39:32,737 you'd realize a lot of critters are good for absolutely nothing. you'd realize a lot of critters are good for absolutely nothing.
694 00:39:33,140 00:39:34,619 So then, what do they eat? So then, what do they eat?
695 00:39:35,060 00:39:36,652 Hay, mosquitos... Hay, mosquitos...
696 00:39:37,140 00:39:39,574 Fucking hippies, they're worse than pigs. Fucking hippies, they're worse than pigs.
697 00:39:39,820 00:39:40,775 They'll eat anything. They'll eat anything.
698 00:39:40,940 00:39:42,896 Dammit Zeze, I'm talking about the seals. Dammit Zeze, I'm talking about the seals.
699 00:39:43,100 00:39:45,136 Hippies are vegetarians, aren't they? Hippies are vegetarians, aren't they?
700 00:39:45,340 00:39:48,013 They only eat roots, birdseed, and weird shit like that. They only eat roots, birdseed, and weird shit like that.
701 00:39:48,180 00:39:51,331 They're like fucking birds. It's like a kind of religion. They're like fucking birds. It's like a kind of religion.
702 00:39:51,500 00:39:53,297 They can't eat cadavers. They can't eat cadavers.
703 00:39:53,460 00:39:55,337 Dammit, I can't eat cadavers either. Dammit, I can't eat cadavers either.
704 00:39:55,500 00:39:57,218 No? And what are beef sandwiches then? No? And what are beef sandwiches then?
705 00:39:58,460 00:39:59,415 Beef sandwiches. Beef sandwiches.
706 00:39:59,580 00:40:02,413 And when you eat beef, is the beef not dead previously? And when you eat beef, is the beef not dead previously?
707 00:40:02,860 00:40:05,249 Gimme a break, I'm going to eat live beef, Gimme a break, I'm going to eat live beef,
708 00:40:05,500 00:40:06,455 come on... come on...
709 00:40:07,180 00:40:09,011 Zeze, I'm a normal guy, Zeze, I'm a normal guy,
710 00:40:09,220 00:40:11,893 I'm not interested in how the beef makes it to the plate. I'm not interested in how the beef makes it to the plate.
711 00:40:12,060 00:40:15,575 Look, I could even sign up for the Green Piss thing, Look, I could even sign up for the Green Piss thing,
712 00:40:15,780 00:40:18,214 but only if they threw the fucking hippies overboard but only if they threw the fucking hippies overboard
713 00:40:18,420 00:40:20,172 and disinfected the boat. and disinfected the boat.
714 00:40:20,420 00:40:21,819 Fucking stinky hippie into the water! Fucking stinky hippie into the water!
715 00:40:22,260 00:40:24,376 For your information, I'm not in it for the seals. For your information, I'm not in it for the seals.
716 00:40:24,580 00:40:25,535 Is that right? Is that right?
717 00:40:25,700 00:40:26,735 No, fuck the goddamn seals! No, fuck the goddamn seals!
718 00:40:26,900 00:40:27,889 That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it.
719 00:40:28,220 00:40:32,179 I'm in it to put an end to all this oil company bullshit I'm in it to put an end to all this oil company bullshit
720 00:40:32,380 00:40:34,814 that is spilling diesel and tar into the ocean. that is spilling diesel and tar into the ocean.
721 00:40:35,020 00:40:37,454 Goddamn right! With gas at the price that it is, Goddamn right! With gas at the price that it is,
722 00:40:37,660 00:40:40,128 and these dudes giving sardines drinks, right? and these dudes giving sardines drinks, right?
723 00:40:42,700 00:40:46,170 Have you hear the phrase: Shave the whale, fuck the planet? Have you hear the phrase: Shave the whale, fuck the planet?
724 00:40:46,420 00:40:48,615 Zeze, when I saw that movie, Zeze, when I saw that movie,
725 00:40:49,060 00:40:52,052 I cried so much at that part where that guy goes off to war I cried so much at that part where that guy goes off to war
726 00:40:52,260 00:40:54,296 and then comes back all fucked up. and then comes back all fucked up.
727 00:40:54,580 00:40:58,937 Movie, my ass! We're talking About Green Piss and diesel. Movie, my ass! We're talking About Green Piss and diesel.
728 00:41:01,180 00:41:04,217 Zeze, speaking about movies about retards, Zeze, speaking about movies about retards,
729 00:41:04,460 00:41:07,258 what part of the movie is my father in? what part of the movie is my father in?
730 00:41:07,580 00:41:09,059 Much later. Much later.
731 00:41:09,540 00:41:10,495 After intermission? After intermission?
732 00:41:10,820 00:41:12,811 No, much later. No, much later.
733 00:41:17,500 00:41:18,455 Toni! Toni!
734 00:41:22,740 00:41:25,049 ONE MONTH EARLIER ONE MONTH EARLIER
735 00:41:26,740 00:41:28,651 I prefer those westerns I prefer those westerns
736 00:41:28,860 00:41:30,930 where the cowboys kill off all the Indians. where the cowboys kill off all the Indians.
737 00:41:31,420 00:41:34,139 The one I liked was "The Last Orangutan in Paris". The one I liked was "The Last Orangutan in Paris".
738 00:41:37,860 00:41:39,259 Awesome. Awesome.
739 00:41:39,540 00:41:41,496 Totally, who was in it? Totally, who was in it?
740 00:41:41,940 00:41:44,249 Tom Cruise and his wife, Tom Cruise and his wife,
741 00:41:44,500 00:41:46,218 that mulatta who's hotter than a Christmas turkey. that mulatta who's hotter than a Christmas turkey.
742 00:41:46,380 00:41:47,369 Jenny Blowlozez! Jenny Blowlozez!
743 00:41:47,620 00:41:48,575 Where? Where? Where? Where?
744 00:41:48,820 00:41:50,014 In the movie, dammit. In the movie, dammit.
745 00:41:52,940 00:41:55,500 Look man, the cowboy movie of all cowboy movies, Look man, the cowboy movie of all cowboy movies,
746 00:41:55,700 00:41:59,409 the king of them all, "The Good, the Bad and the Snugly", the king of them all, "The Good, the Bad and the Snugly",
747 00:42:07,140 00:42:09,700 with Clinton Eastwood as the good guy, with Clinton Eastwood as the good guy,
748 00:42:11,460 00:42:14,179 Omar Sheriff as the Sherrif, evil as a cobra... Omar Sheriff as the Sherrif, evil as a cobra...
749 00:42:14,380 00:42:16,610 That guy is like a fucking rattlesnake. That guy is like a fucking rattlesnake.
750 00:42:17,660 00:42:18,934 And in the role of the "Snugly", And in the role of the "Snugly",
751 00:42:19,180 00:42:22,490 that great distributor of open-handed wallops, that great distributor of open-handed wallops,
752 00:42:22,700 00:42:24,338 none other than Brute Spencer. none other than Brute Spencer.
753 00:42:24,500 00:42:26,058 Fuck yeah, Brute Spencer, damn. Fuck yeah, Brute Spencer, damn.
754 00:42:26,220 00:42:31,852 For me, Bruce Ling kicked away more ass than Brute Spencer. For me, Bruce Ling kicked away more ass than Brute Spencer.
755 00:42:32,020 00:42:35,092 Now we're talking about the elite, the gods. Now we're talking about the elite, the gods.
756 00:42:35,300 00:42:39,771 You can't put Bruce Ling and Brute Spencer in the same sack. You can't put Bruce Ling and Brute Spencer in the same sack.
757 00:42:39,940 00:42:41,453 You can't put them in the same sack cause they won't fit, right. You can't put them in the same sack cause they won't fit, right.
758 00:42:41,620 00:42:42,609 Of course. Of course.
759 00:42:42,860 00:42:44,851 Bruce Ling and his immortal classics, Bruce Ling and his immortal classics,
760 00:42:45,060 00:42:48,257 "The Fury of the Dragon", "The Elbow of the Dragon". "The Fury of the Dragon", "The Elbow of the Dragon".
761 00:42:48,460 00:42:49,609 "The Punching Hand of the Dragon", "The Punching Hand of the Dragon",
762 00:42:49,780 00:42:50,929 "The Dragon goes to the Beach". "The Dragon goes to the Beach".
763 00:42:51,100 00:42:52,055 Who's in that? Who's in that?
764 00:42:52,260 00:42:53,739 With "The Dragon's Children"... With "The Dragon's Children"...
765 00:42:53,940 00:42:55,692 And the great classic of all classics, And the great classic of all classics,
766 00:42:55,980 00:42:58,733 "Land When you Can on the Great Wall of China "Land When you Can on the Great Wall of China
767 00:42:58,900 00:43:00,572 "with the Seven Samurais"... "with the Seven Samurais"...
768 00:43:01,060 00:43:02,334 That title doesn't have dragon in it? That title doesn't have dragon in it?
769 00:43:03,100 00:43:04,249 You didn't let me finish: You didn't let me finish:
770 00:43:04,420 00:43:06,012 "Land When you Can on the Great Wall of China "Land When you Can on the Great Wall of China
771 00:43:06,180 00:43:08,853 "with the Seven Samurais Fleeing from the Dragon." "with the Seven Samurais Fleeing from the Dragon."
772 00:43:10,900 00:43:13,414 That one's about the Chinese mafia. That one's about the Chinese mafia.
773 00:43:13,940 00:43:14,895 Fuck yeah, it is! Fuck yeah, it is!
774 00:43:16,020 00:43:21,140 Make your illegal bets, give me a note, I'll give you a note. Make your illegal bets, give me a note, I'll give you a note.
775 00:43:21,500 00:43:28,690 We accept everything; euros, dollars, piastras, ruples, petro-dollars! We accept everything; euros, dollars, piastras, ruples, petro-dollars!
776 00:43:28,860 00:43:30,816 Fujimori, repeat after me: Fujimori, repeat after me:
777 00:43:30,980 00:43:32,493 I am a brutal murderer! I am a brutal murderer!
778 00:43:33,820 00:43:38,211 Come on! I am a brutal murderer! Come on! I am a brutal murderer!
779 00:43:49,060 00:43:50,891 And so, Samurai, are you strong? And so, Samurai, are you strong?
780 00:43:51,180 00:43:53,535 Stronger than a chilindron. Stronger than a chilindron.
781 00:43:54,620 00:44:00,217 Samurai, show me the feline spirit within you, you big ole cock...! Samurai, show me the feline spirit within you, you big ole cock...!
782 00:44:04,580 00:44:06,172 Listen, I bet it all on you. Listen, I bet it all on you.
783 00:44:06,340 00:44:08,900 So now you know, victory or chilindron! So now you know, victory or chilindron!
784 00:44:09,380 00:44:10,733 With peppers! With peppers!
785 00:44:14,860 00:44:16,213 People of China! People of China!
786 00:44:16,500 00:44:19,060 We are about to start the traditional combat We are about to start the traditional combat
787 00:44:19,260 00:44:20,818 that will make its premiere today, that will make its premiere today,
788 00:44:20,980 00:44:26,213 in the traditional illegal Chinese cockfight of Kazuza! in the traditional illegal Chinese cockfight of Kazuza!
789 00:44:30,220 00:44:34,498 From Siam, where he spent ten years with his master Toni, From Siam, where he spent ten years with his master Toni,
790 00:44:34,700 00:44:37,419 perfecting the crane style perfecting the crane style
791 00:44:37,620 00:44:40,134 and the use of the katana-cachava and the cachava-katana, and the use of the katana-cachava and the cachava-katana,
792 00:44:40,340 00:44:41,773 a big applause for a big applause for
793 00:44:41,980 00:44:45,416 Samurai, the Hurricane of the Azores. Samurai, the Hurricane of the Azores.
794 00:44:51,980 00:44:52,935 Concentrate. Concentrate.
795 00:44:53,180 00:44:59,858 And now, straight from the small town in butt-fucking Egypt, And now, straight from the small town in butt-fucking Egypt,
796 00:45:00,020 00:45:03,899 where he spent the last three days in a vow of silence, where he spent the last three days in a vow of silence,
797 00:45:04,100 00:45:06,409 with his manager-a-trois, Zeze, with his manager-a-trois, Zeze,
798 00:45:06,660 00:45:09,379 the leading specialist on the bat technique the leading specialist on the bat technique
799 00:45:09,540 00:45:11,531 and the hog trot escape, and the hog trot escape,
800 00:45:11,700 00:45:12,655 a round of applause for a round of applause for
801 00:45:12,860 00:45:14,896 Fujimori, the Crook from Machu-Pichu. Fujimori, the Crook from Machu-Pichu.
802 00:45:25,620 00:45:28,418 Pray your last prayers, Pray your last prayers,
803 00:45:28,780 00:45:31,817 The Fujimori is going to beat the crest right off The Fujimori is going to beat the crest right off
804 00:45:31,980 00:45:34,778 of that messenger pigeon. of that messenger pigeon.
805 00:45:36,140 00:45:40,531 My friend, listen well, you should know that Samurai My friend, listen well, you should know that Samurai
806 00:45:40,700 00:45:42,895 comes from an ancient line of warrior cocks comes from an ancient line of warrior cocks
807 00:45:43,060 00:45:45,528 from the times of Inspector Ming. from the times of Inspector Ming.
808 00:45:47,220 00:45:48,619 The great grandfather of that cock alone The great grandfather of that cock alone
809 00:45:48,780 00:45:52,693 fed all the workers who built the Great Wall fed all the workers who built the Great Wall
810 00:45:53,020 00:45:54,089 and its surroundings. and its surroundings.
811 00:45:55,260 00:45:58,889 I'm warning you, Fujimori is a black belt in capoeira. I'm warning you, Fujimori is a black belt in capoeira.
812 00:45:59,180 00:46:00,693 This cock is really macho, This cock is really macho,
813 00:46:00,860 00:46:07,095 a Rock Hurlson, an Al Modovar, a Freddy Merculin. a Rock Hurlson, an Al Modovar, a Freddy Merculin.
814 00:46:07,500 00:46:11,288 Freddy Merculin, why are talking about that poor guy, he's dead. Freddy Merculin, why are talking about that poor guy, he's dead.
815 00:46:11,620 00:46:14,054 Doesn't matter, a man who's macho is always a macho man, Doesn't matter, a man who's macho is always a macho man,
816 00:46:14,340 00:46:15,489 even if he's a cock. even if he's a cock.
817 00:46:18,300 00:46:20,131 Zeze, I don't mean to sweeten the pill, Zeze, I don't mean to sweeten the pill,
818 00:46:20,340 00:46:22,979 but I think that cock, when he sings, is a little queer... but I think that cock, when he sings, is a little queer...
819 00:46:24,260 00:46:25,534 Queer? Queer?
820 00:46:25,940 00:46:29,250 Yeah, a poof, like those guys who get married in Spain, Yeah, a poof, like those guys who get married in Spain,
821 00:46:29,420 00:46:31,092 to each other, without chicks, to each other, without chicks,
822 00:46:31,340 00:46:33,376 and believing in God and in Elton John. and believing in God and in Elton John.
823 00:46:40,980 00:46:42,971 Zeze, did you fall asleep? Zeze, did you fall asleep?
824 00:46:43,180 00:46:46,172 This it totally awesome, man. The cock has laid an egg. This it totally awesome, man. The cock has laid an egg.
825 00:46:46,380 00:46:47,779 That only happens in the movies. That only happens in the movies.
826 00:46:47,980 00:46:49,572 I've seen this movie on video. I've seen this movie on video.
827 00:46:49,900 00:46:51,413 This movie just came out today. This movie just came out today.
828 00:46:51,740 00:46:54,857 With that guy, I've seen it tones of times. With that guy, I've seen it tones of times.
829 00:46:55,100 00:46:58,058 All right then, what happens later? Come on, tell me. All right then, what happens later? Come on, tell me.
830 00:46:58,460 00:47:00,257 If I tell you, I'll ruin it for you. If I tell you, I'll ruin it for you.
831 00:47:00,460 00:47:04,373 Come on dammit, tell me how it ends; I'm getting impatient. Come on dammit, tell me how it ends; I'm getting impatient.
832 00:47:04,540 00:47:06,019 Shut up and watch the movie. Shut up and watch the movie.
833 00:47:06,220 00:47:08,017 Go outside and talk! Go outside and talk!
834 00:47:08,540 00:47:11,657 Shove your ticket up your ass, moron! Shove your ticket up your ass, moron!
835 00:47:12,380 00:47:14,257 These fucking people are so rude. These fucking people are so rude.
836 00:47:14,500 00:47:17,333 Jelou, It is I, Toni speaking! Jelou, It is I, Toni speaking!
837 00:47:18,340 00:47:19,295 Cookie! Cookie!
838 00:47:19,500 00:47:21,730 Is that you, ole buddy? Where are you hanging, bud? Is that you, ole buddy? Where are you hanging, bud?
839 00:47:22,780 00:47:24,930 At the movies? No shit, so am I! At the movies? No shit, so am I!
840 00:47:26,460 00:47:28,815 Would you shut the fuck up, once and for all! Would you shut the fuck up, once and for all!
841 00:47:29,060 00:47:30,015 What the hell, What the hell,
842 00:47:30,180 00:47:33,536 my friend can talk on the cell in peace, or can't he? my friend can talk on the cell in peace, or can't he?
843 00:47:34,140 00:47:35,732 Wait and see me smear your Wait and see me smear your
844 00:47:35,900 00:47:37,811 ugly gullet across your back of your seat with one punch! ugly gullet across your back of your seat with one punch!
845 00:47:37,980 00:47:39,459 And what movie are you watching Cookie? And what movie are you watching Cookie?
846 00:47:40,460 00:47:42,212 No shit, the same one I am! No shit, the same one I am!
847 00:47:43,060 00:47:45,574 Shut up now, you motherfuckers! Shut up now, you motherfuckers!
848 00:47:46,380 00:47:48,735 Who are you calling motherfucker, dickface? Who are you calling motherfucker, dickface?
849 00:47:52,020 00:47:53,772 Who's throwing popcorn at me? Who's throwing popcorn at me?
850 00:47:53,980 00:47:56,778 I want to know who threw the popcorn, because otherwise... I want to know who threw the popcorn, because otherwise...
851 00:48:00,860 00:48:01,929 We'll talk... We'll talk...
852 00:48:02,340 00:48:03,932 Zeze, guess who's here in the theater. Zeze, guess who's here in the theater.
853 00:48:04,220 00:48:05,175 Who? Who?
854 00:48:05,340 00:48:06,295 Cookie. Cookie.
855 00:48:06,500 00:48:07,774 Cookie, where? Cookie, where?
856 00:48:08,180 00:48:09,659 I think he's in the back because he said I think he's in the back because he said
857 00:48:09,820 00:48:10,935 he couldn't hear the movie he couldn't hear the movie
858 00:48:11,140 00:48:13,608 because two dumbfucks in front wouldn't shut the hell up because two dumbfucks in front wouldn't shut the hell up
859 00:48:13,780 00:48:15,213 and he had to throw a bag of popcorn at them and he had to throw a bag of popcorn at them
860 00:48:15,380 00:48:16,415 to get them to shut up. to get them to shut up.
861 00:48:18,260 00:48:19,659 Cookie, you're a dead man! Cookie, you're a dead man!
862 00:48:19,940 00:48:21,931 Where were you when I needed you? Where were you when I needed you?
863 00:48:22,540 00:48:25,100 Did you see how the first four rows were jumping on me Did you see how the first four rows were jumping on me
864 00:48:25,260 00:48:26,488 and beating the shit out of me, and beating the shit out of me,
865 00:48:26,700 00:48:29,134 and you didn't even lift a finger. and you didn't even lift a finger.
866 00:48:29,540 00:48:32,691 So you need me? You don't need me for anything. So you need me? You don't need me for anything.
867 00:48:32,900 00:48:33,969 You're an ingrate. You're an ingrate.
868 00:48:34,140 00:48:36,813 Because of you, I don't know how the movie ends. Because of you, I don't know how the movie ends.
869 00:48:37,020 00:48:38,897 I know how it ends, you want me to tell you? I know how it ends, you want me to tell you?
870 00:48:39,060 00:48:42,097 No, I don't want to ruin it. No, I don't want to ruin it.
871 00:48:44,660 00:48:46,252 They all get napalmed. They all get napalmed.
872 00:48:47,780 00:48:49,133 It's a bloodbath. It's a bloodbath.
873 00:48:49,580 00:48:51,855 But they do get married, or don't they? But they do get married, or don't they?
874 00:48:52,260 00:48:53,659 Of course they do. Of course they do.
875 00:48:53,820 00:48:57,256 This movie is like those romantic comedies. This movie is like those romantic comedies.
876 00:48:57,420 00:49:02,130 As soon as it starts raining a little, they all start singing and dancing. As soon as it starts raining a little, they all start singing and dancing.
877 00:49:02,660 00:49:06,369 Like those Fred Astaire and Ginger Ale movies. Like those Fred Astaire and Ginger Ale movies.
878 00:49:08,140 00:49:15,012 I'm sailing in the train I'm sailing in the train... I'm sailing in the train I'm sailing in the train...
879 00:49:32,260 00:49:33,488 Shut it, dirty drunks! Shut it, dirty drunks!
880 00:49:35,140 00:49:36,334 Right on! Right on!
881 00:49:36,740 00:49:41,495 MAY GOD FORGIVE YOU FOR ALL THE EVIL I'VE DONE MAY GOD FORGIVE YOU FOR ALL THE EVIL I'VE DONE
882 00:49:43,740 00:49:46,379 This man is one of the most important This man is one of the most important
883 00:49:46,540 00:49:48,895 in the history of the neighborhood in general, in the history of the neighborhood in general,
884 00:49:49,140 00:49:51,893 and in the history of Portugal in particular. and in the history of Portugal in particular.
885 00:49:52,260 00:49:55,172 It's necessary to have great respect for this gentleman. It's necessary to have great respect for this gentleman.
886 00:49:55,620 00:50:01,217 The Infant, Don Fuas Bogalho, the Atrophiator. The Infant, Don Fuas Bogalho, the Atrophiator.
887 00:50:01,380 00:50:03,814 Exactly, this man was the one Exactly, this man was the one
888 00:50:03,980 00:50:06,540 who discovered the sea passage to Spain. who discovered the sea passage to Spain.
889 00:50:07,020 00:50:08,692 What? What?
890 00:50:09,740 00:50:10,729 On a donkey. On a donkey.
891 00:50:11,180 00:50:13,489 Hang on a sec, didn't you say it was a sea passage? Hang on a sec, didn't you say it was a sea passage?
892 00:50:13,780 00:50:15,259 And donkeys don't know how to swim? And donkeys don't know how to swim?
893 00:50:15,500 00:50:16,455 To Spain? To Spain?
894 00:50:16,660 00:50:17,615 Donkeys can swim Donkeys can swim
895 00:50:17,780 00:50:19,179 wherever they goddamn want to swim. wherever they goddamn want to swim.
896 00:50:20,540 00:50:24,249 Poor thing, the stupid donkey who wound up rowing his ass off. Poor thing, the stupid donkey who wound up rowing his ass off.
897 00:50:24,620 00:50:25,814 What was the donkey's name? What was the donkey's name?
898 00:50:26,540 00:50:27,495 Popeye. Popeye.
899 00:50:30,500 00:50:38,737 In 1467, Don Fuas got totally wasted on grape liquor. In 1467, Don Fuas got totally wasted on grape liquor.
900 00:50:39,060 00:50:41,779 And then he bought a shinoe. And then he bought a shinoe.
901 00:50:41,980 00:50:43,299 The end is near. The end is near.
902 00:50:43,900 00:50:45,697 Shinoe, a shinoe. Shinoe, a shinoe.
903 00:50:45,860 00:50:48,010 The end is near, I saw... The end is near, I saw...
904 00:50:48,660 00:50:50,651 Shinoe, a ship, a canoe Shinoe, a ship, a canoe
905 00:50:50,820 00:50:51,775 Canoe... Canoe...
906 00:50:53,700 00:50:56,009 The shinoe "capitapitana", The shinoe "capitapitana",
907 00:50:56,500 00:51:01,016 in homage to the Gallic-Roman in homage to the Gallic-Roman
908 00:51:01,180 00:51:05,253 goddess of the Starfish and deep fried squid. goddess of the Starfish and deep fried squid.
909 00:51:08,820 00:51:10,378 "Capitapitana". "Capitapitana".
910 00:51:10,740 00:51:13,732 Wasn't that the saint famous for eating roses? Wasn't that the saint famous for eating roses?
911 00:51:14,140 00:51:15,459 Yeah, that's the one. Yeah, that's the one.
912 00:51:16,500 00:51:19,936 As I was saying, Don Fuas came down As I was saying, Don Fuas came down
913 00:51:20,100 00:51:24,378 with a nasty case of the plutonic plague in his ears with a nasty case of the plutonic plague in his ears
914 00:51:24,740 00:51:27,573 and so he had to get healed at the hot baths. and so he had to get healed at the hot baths.
915 00:51:28,100 00:51:31,536 And when they were pressure spraying him in the face, And when they were pressure spraying him in the face,
916 00:51:31,700 00:51:32,894 he made a decision. he made a decision.
917 00:51:33,060 00:51:35,255 But wait, they were healing him by pressure spraying water? But wait, they were healing him by pressure spraying water?
918 00:51:35,460 00:51:36,415 Yes. Yes.
919 00:51:36,620 00:51:39,180 How awful! If instead of water, it were wine... How awful! If instead of water, it were wine...
920 00:51:39,380 00:51:41,689 He decided to go to the Indies. He decided to go to the Indies.
921 00:51:41,900 00:51:45,097 And why to the Indies? What had they done? And why to the Indies? What had they done?
922 00:51:45,300 00:51:47,018 I don't understand this story at all. I don't understand this story at all.
923 00:51:47,340 00:51:51,936 You will come to understand it in due time, your worship. You will come to understand it in due time, your worship.
924 00:51:52,900 00:51:57,576 As in all the great epics of humanity, Spain was discovered by chance, As in all the great epics of humanity, Spain was discovered by chance,
925 00:51:58,140 00:52:01,610 because Don Fuas was convinced he was conquering the Indies. because Don Fuas was convinced he was conquering the Indies.
926 00:52:02,020 00:52:03,339 So what's with the Indies, are they hotties? So what's with the Indies, are they hotties?
927 00:52:03,500 00:52:04,853 The Indies are good lands... The Indies are good lands...
928 00:52:05,020 00:52:07,011 That means... That means...
929 00:52:08,140 00:52:09,095 India in sight! India in sight!
930 00:52:09,300 00:52:10,289 Where? Where? Where? Where?
931 00:52:10,820 00:52:12,970 It's just pretend for argument's sake. It's just pretend for argument's sake.
932 00:52:13,780 00:52:17,455 VIERNES, HACE 539 A�OS VIERNES, HACE 539 A�OS
933 00:52:26,220 00:52:28,176 Your worship, to drink on this long journey ahead, Your worship, to drink on this long journey ahead,
934 00:52:28,340 00:52:29,739 have you brought beers? have you brought beers?
935 00:52:30,060 00:52:32,620 I brought what I could, sir. I brought what I could, sir.
936 00:52:32,780 00:52:34,816 I thought that en route to the Indies, I thought that en route to the Indies,
937 00:52:35,140 00:52:37,813 we would dock in Badajoz we would dock in Badajoz
938 00:52:38,020 00:52:41,615 and have some tapas and a little wine. and have some tapas and a little wine.
939 00:52:41,780 00:52:42,929 Your worship has miscalculated; Your worship has miscalculated;
940 00:52:43,100 00:52:45,136 we are traveling on a highway without stops. we are traveling on a highway without stops.
941 00:52:45,540 00:52:47,690 Very well, how enlightened Don Foola Bogalho. Very well, how enlightened Don Foola Bogalho.
942 00:52:47,940 00:52:49,817 Fuas, Fuas. Fuas, Fuas.
943 00:52:50,300 00:52:53,975 Very well, how enlightened Don Fuas Bogalho. Very well, how enlightened Don Fuas Bogalho.
944 00:52:54,380 00:52:56,848 That way, we can stop at the gas station of Almendrajejo That way, we can stop at the gas station of Almendrajejo
945 00:52:57,020 00:53:00,296 and buy some sausages that have no skin on the tip. and buy some sausages that have no skin on the tip.
946 00:53:00,460 00:53:01,609 And then carry on, as fast as possible. And then carry on, as fast as possible.
947 00:53:02,020 00:53:02,975 Now that you mention it, Now that you mention it,
948 00:53:03,260 00:53:05,057 doesn't your worship think we are going exceedingly fast? doesn't your worship think we are going exceedingly fast?
949 00:53:05,420 00:53:08,935 Look at the oil on the curve; Look at the oil on the curve;
950 00:53:09,620 00:53:10,575 observe the danger. observe the danger.
951 00:53:11,140 00:53:13,256 Pray your final prayers, Pray your final prayers,
952 00:53:13,580 00:53:15,935 we are going to have one heck of a crash. we are going to have one heck of a crash.
953 00:53:16,780 00:53:17,769 Look out! Look out!
954 00:53:28,540 00:53:30,019 The expedition is in great danger The expedition is in great danger
955 00:53:30,700 00:53:33,168 and the gasping skeleton of Don Fuas Bogalho and the gasping skeleton of Don Fuas Bogalho
956 00:53:33,340 00:53:35,171 was scattered all over the sea was scattered all over the sea
957 00:53:35,700 00:53:38,737 as though he were a cat run over on the highway. as though he were a cat run over on the highway.
958 00:53:38,980 00:53:40,936 Jesus fucking Christ, I busted a headlight! Jesus fucking Christ, I busted a headlight!
959 00:53:42,100 00:53:43,089 Calm down! Calm down!
960 00:53:43,260 00:53:47,378 The great navigators are always successful, keep calm! The great navigators are always successful, keep calm!
961 00:53:47,620 00:53:49,212 I am calm, I just have a broken headlight. I am calm, I just have a broken headlight.
962 00:53:49,380 00:53:50,608 So who's going to pay for my headlight? So who's going to pay for my headlight?
963 00:53:50,780 00:53:52,532 Forget the headlight, this is just pretend. Forget the headlight, this is just pretend.
964 00:53:52,820 00:53:54,856 And what about the car insurance? Does it cover pretend headlights? And what about the car insurance? Does it cover pretend headlights?
965 00:53:55,220 00:53:59,133 I suppose it does. I suppose it does.
966 00:53:59,300 00:54:00,653 So then it's all taken care of. So then it's all taken care of.
967 00:54:01,060 00:54:02,049 Can we proceed Can we proceed
968 00:54:02,220 00:54:07,419 or do the great deeds of navigation have to wait for your Excellency? or do the great deeds of navigation have to wait for your Excellency?
969 00:54:09,900 00:54:12,539 Come, Don Falcatruas Rodaballo! Come, Don Falcatruas Rodaballo!
970 00:54:13,060 00:54:15,051 Fuas, Fuas. Fuas, Fuas.
971 00:54:15,340 00:54:18,138 Come, for necessity calls for genius. Come, for necessity calls for genius.
972 00:54:18,900 00:54:21,698 What are my ears hearing? What are my ears hearing?
973 00:54:22,820 00:54:25,380 Could it be the famous Sirens of Lover's Island, Could it be the famous Sirens of Lover's Island,
974 00:54:25,620 00:54:27,053 with their bulging eyes? with their bulging eyes?
975 00:54:27,420 00:54:30,059 With a bit of luck, might we still find Cam�es? With a bit of luck, might we still find Cam�es?
976 00:54:30,940 00:54:32,817 Have you heard of the Sirens? Have you heard of the Sirens?
977 00:54:33,820 00:54:36,380 The ones who are whales from the waist up, The ones who are whales from the waist up,
978 00:54:36,580 00:54:38,059 and salmons from the waist down? and salmons from the waist down?
979 00:54:38,220 00:54:40,290 Shit, that's what my wife looks like. Shit, that's what my wife looks like.
980 00:54:40,460 00:54:42,291 Hurry, hurry, if she finds me here, Hurry, hurry, if she finds me here,
981 00:54:42,580 00:54:45,094 she'll beat me so bad my mom won't even be able to save me! she'll beat me so bad my mom won't even be able to save me!
982 00:54:48,340 00:54:49,295 An ass! An ass!
983 00:54:49,540 00:54:50,734 Are you talking to me, sir? Are you talking to me, sir?
984 00:54:50,900 00:54:57,055 No, I'm talking about the donkey that Don Quixote rode. No, I'm talking about the donkey that Don Quixote rode.
985 00:54:58,580 00:55:00,810 Put your hands in the shape of a shell... Put your hands in the shape of a shell...
986 00:55:01,900 00:55:03,299 I really don't think so! I really don't think so!
987 00:55:03,540 00:55:07,453 Do it, before you get a taste of violence of my foil! Do it, before you get a taste of violence of my foil!
988 00:55:24,700 00:55:26,531 THE INVASION OF SPAIN THE INVASION OF SPAIN
989 00:55:48,140 00:55:49,095 We have arrived. We have arrived.
990 00:55:49,260 00:55:50,215 So I've noticed, sir. So I've noticed, sir.
991 00:55:50,380 00:55:53,372 Have you brought mirrors to trade for the necklaces of the natives? Have you brought mirrors to trade for the necklaces of the natives?
992 00:55:53,620 00:55:54,575 Jesus fucking Christ! Jesus fucking Christ!
993 00:55:54,820 00:55:57,334 We brought necklaces to trade for mirrors. We brought necklaces to trade for mirrors.
994 00:55:57,540 00:55:59,929 No big deal. Let's go have a drink No big deal. Let's go have a drink
995 00:56:00,180 00:56:02,569 to quell the scorching dirt from our throats. to quell the scorching dirt from our throats.
996 00:56:11,780 00:56:14,248 You see how I'm famous among the Indians of the Indies! You see how I'm famous among the Indians of the Indies!
997 00:56:14,500 00:56:17,298 Are you sure we've never been here before? Are you sure we've never been here before?
998 00:56:17,580 00:56:21,129 I am clearly the first to tread this spot. I am clearly the first to tread this spot.
999 00:56:25,860 00:56:28,533 And so sons of... And so sons of...
1000 00:56:28,980 00:56:31,619 we have had here for a... long time a score to settle. we have had here for a... long time a score to settle.
1001 00:56:31,940 00:56:33,339 What does that one say? What does that one say?
1002 00:56:33,660 00:56:36,493 I don't understand anything cause he's talking with beeps. I don't understand anything cause he's talking with beeps.
1003 00:56:37,140 00:56:38,459 Let me tell you. Let me tell you.
1004 00:56:39,940 00:56:41,293 Toni and Zeze. Toni and Zeze.
1005 00:56:42,340 00:56:45,298 Four grilled pig ears, 3 euros, Four grilled pig ears, 3 euros,
1006 00:56:46,020 00:56:50,536 three tripe stews with chick peas, 5 and a half euros, three tripe stews with chick peas, 5 and a half euros,
1007 00:56:51,460 00:56:55,692 eleven sandwiches with gypsy tripe, 24 euros, eleven sandwiches with gypsy tripe, 24 euros,
1008 00:56:56,220 00:57:01,374 seven hundred thirty four beers 506'304 euros... seven hundred thirty four beers 506'304 euros...
1009 00:57:01,900 00:57:05,893 Look, the king of the Indies is trying to communicate with us. Look, the king of the Indies is trying to communicate with us.
1010 00:57:06,340 00:57:11,289 Sarav�, Aloha, Salamalekun... Sarav�, Aloha, Salamalekun...
1011 00:57:11,540 00:57:13,451 He is Don Gasuas. He is Don Gasuas.
1012 00:57:13,700 00:57:14,689 Fuas. Fuas.
1013 00:57:14,940 00:57:19,775 Fuas, Fuas... You Tarzan, me Jane. Fuas, Fuas... You Tarzan, me Jane.
1014 00:57:29,660 00:57:32,970 Total of 600 euros and 4 cents. Total of 600 euros and 4 cents.
1015 00:57:33,780 00:57:36,613 Because it's you, we'll round it off to 800 and we're all set. Because it's you, we'll round it off to 800 and we're all set.
1016 00:57:37,220 00:57:42,419 Damn, and I thought they'd be friendly to the Portuguese discoverers. Damn, and I thought they'd be friendly to the Portuguese discoverers.
1017 00:57:44,420 00:57:46,251 Pay now while you can, Pay now while you can,
1018 00:57:46,420 00:57:50,379 or later you'll really have to pay for it, you motherf... or later you'll really have to pay for it, you motherf...
1019 00:57:50,540 00:57:52,212 Do you dare raise your voice; Do you dare raise your voice;
1020 00:57:52,460 00:57:55,213 you are going to get a whipping on your miserable back, you are going to get a whipping on your miserable back,
1021 00:57:55,380 00:57:58,770 in the name of the King, Don Patricc... in the name of the King, Don Patricc...
1022 00:58:04,020 00:58:09,492 One week, you have one week to pay for what you owe. One week, you have one week to pay for what you owe.
1023 00:58:10,500 00:58:14,698 Otherwise I'll... the both of you. Otherwise I'll... the both of you.
1024 00:58:30,500 00:58:31,535 How lovely! How lovely!
1025 00:58:31,940 00:58:34,374 Look, sure does like licking that nastiness, no? Look, sure does like licking that nastiness, no?
1026 00:58:34,860 00:58:36,851 Beat it, goddamn mutt! Beat it, goddamn mutt!
1027 00:58:37,020 00:58:38,055 Poor dog. Poor dog.
1028 00:58:38,420 00:58:42,538 Look at him, now all he needs is to bark, Look at him, now all he needs is to bark,
1029 00:58:42,700 00:58:45,214 with those big sad eyes. with those big sad eyes.
1030 00:58:47,380 00:58:49,132 Zeze, this isn't pretend anymore, is it? Zeze, this isn't pretend anymore, is it?
1031 00:58:49,380 00:58:50,415 Not anymore. Not anymore.
1032 00:58:50,620 00:58:52,895 Let's go, I have to get up early tomorrow. Let's go, I have to get up early tomorrow.
1033 00:58:53,060 00:58:54,015 What for? What for?
1034 00:58:54,420 00:58:55,455 Scram, mutt! Scram, mutt!
1035 00:58:56,340 00:58:57,295 I have to go to the foot doctor I have to go to the foot doctor
1036 00:58:57,460 00:58:59,530 to have a callus that's been hurting removed. to have a callus that's been hurting removed.
1037 00:58:59,860 00:59:00,929 But now it doesn't hurt. But now it doesn't hurt.
1038 00:59:01,500 00:59:03,331 Yeah, it's the only thing that doesn't hurt right now. Yeah, it's the only thing that doesn't hurt right now.
1039 00:59:05,500 00:59:06,774 Hurry, hurry Zeze, Hurry, hurry Zeze,
1040 00:59:06,940 00:59:08,578 we're getting cobblestones thrown at us! we're getting cobblestones thrown at us!
1041 00:59:09,100 00:59:10,089 Jesus fucking Christ! It's your mother, Toni. Jesus fucking Christ! It's your mother, Toni.
1042 00:59:10,260 00:59:12,091 Go find your father, you dirty drunk. Go find your father, you dirty drunk.
1043 00:59:12,420 00:59:13,899 Run, run! Run, run!
1044 00:59:15,500 00:59:17,456 Dona Antonia, what's wrong? Dona Antonia, what's wrong?
1045 00:59:17,620 00:59:19,417 Why are you throwing stones at us as though we were lberian lynx? Why are you throwing stones at us as though we were lberian lynx?
1046 00:59:19,580 00:59:21,571 Run, run Zeze, she's blinder than Mr. Magoo! Run, run Zeze, she's blinder than Mr. Magoo!
1047 00:59:21,780 00:59:24,214 Get out of here, beat it, Get out of here, beat it,
1048 00:59:24,420 00:59:26,775 you dirty drunk... you dirty drunk...
1049 00:59:30,660 00:59:32,059 good for nothing! good for nothing!
1050 00:59:33,420 00:59:35,251 Why does my mother throw stones at me? Why does my mother throw stones at me?
1051 00:59:35,500 00:59:37,570 So you'll go look for your father. So you'll go look for your father.
1052 00:59:37,780 00:59:39,133 I don't want to. I don't want to.
1053 00:59:39,420 00:59:42,696 You must be waiting for your father to fall out of the sky. You must be waiting for your father to fall out of the sky.
1054 00:59:43,380 00:59:45,974 Toni, if the mouse doesn't go to Mohammed, Toni, if the mouse doesn't go to Mohammed,
1055 00:59:46,140 00:59:47,778 Mohammed goes to the mountain. Mohammed goes to the mountain.
1056 00:59:48,020 00:59:48,975 Zeze, do you remember Zeze, do you remember
1057 00:59:49,220 00:59:52,530 when I wasn't in the neighborhood for three years? when I wasn't in the neighborhood for three years?
1058 00:59:52,900 00:59:54,219 Of course I do, Of course I do,
1059 00:59:54,460 00:59:56,655 they were the best two weeks of my life. they were the best two weeks of my life.
1060 00:59:56,900 01:00:00,097 Zeze, during that time, I was out looking for my father. Zeze, during that time, I was out looking for my father.
1061 01:00:00,300 01:00:01,619 And did you find him? And did you find him?
1062 01:00:02,060 01:00:03,015 I don't think so. I don't think so.
1063 01:00:03,300 01:00:04,255 So... So...
1064 01:00:04,420 01:00:07,173 No one can accuse me of not having looked. No one can accuse me of not having looked.
1065 01:00:07,380 01:00:09,052 Anyway, there are certain people around here Anyway, there are certain people around here
1066 01:00:09,220 01:00:10,812 who'd best keep their mouth shut. who'd best keep their mouth shut.
1067 01:00:10,980 01:00:13,494 What? Are you saying I don't love my family? What? Are you saying I don't love my family?
1068 01:00:14,460 01:00:17,657 For me, the most sacred things that exist are the three "Fs", For me, the most sacred things that exist are the three "Fs",
1069 01:00:17,820 01:00:20,937 which are the pillars of our nationality: which are the pillars of our nationality:
1070 01:00:21,220 01:00:26,772 FAMILY, FADO, and FOOTBALL, and well, FATIMA... FAMILY, FADO, and FOOTBALL, and well, FATIMA...
1071 01:00:27,860 01:00:30,533 Aren't you missing something? Aren't you missing something?
1072 01:00:31,380 01:00:32,574 And FIGO. And FIGO.
1073 01:00:33,260 01:00:35,854 Zeze, nowadays no one pays any mind to that bullshit. Zeze, nowadays no one pays any mind to that bullshit.
1074 01:00:36,060 01:00:39,211 What's really cool are the three "Ps". What's really cool are the three "Ps".
1075 01:00:39,460 01:00:40,449 The three "Ps"? The three "Ps"?
1076 01:00:40,780 01:00:43,214 PLAYERSTATION, POP-ROCK-IN-THE-NATION... PLAYERSTATION, POP-ROCK-IN-THE-NATION...
1077 01:00:43,460 01:00:44,654 and PORNICATION. and PORNICATION.
1078 01:00:45,700 01:00:47,292 Fucking kids. Fucking kids.
1079 01:00:47,460 01:00:50,532 They don't respect the national traditions. They don't respect the national traditions.
1080 01:00:51,460 01:00:52,859 Speaking of PLAYERSTATION, Speaking of PLAYERSTATION,
1081 01:00:53,260 01:00:56,377 do you have "Brutal Combat Defecation 7"? do you have "Brutal Combat Defecation 7"?
1082 01:00:56,580 01:00:59,174 Of course I do, but haven't played it yet. Of course I do, but haven't played it yet.
1083 01:00:59,420 01:01:02,890 What? You still haven't played "Brutal Combat Defecation 7"? What? You still haven't played "Brutal Combat Defecation 7"?
1084 01:01:03,100 01:01:05,614 You are so out, my friend, very out. You are so out, my friend, very out.
1085 01:01:05,780 01:01:08,692 Zeze, I haven't played it yet because it's in your house, you know? Zeze, I haven't played it yet because it's in your house, you know?
1086 01:01:09,140 01:01:14,533 Just like a ton of your CDs that I have at home. Just like a ton of your CDs that I have at home.
1087 01:01:14,700 01:01:16,418 One of these days I'm going to sell all that crapola. One of these days I'm going to sell all that crapola.
1088 01:01:16,580 01:01:18,571 I don't want CDs anymore. I get it all off the internet. I don't want CDs anymore. I get it all off the internet.
1089 01:01:18,740 01:01:20,173 You get it off the internet? You get it off the internet?
1090 01:01:20,340 01:01:21,819 You should be ashamed. You should be ashamed.
1091 01:01:22,020 01:01:23,009 Because of you, Because of you,
1092 01:01:23,220 01:01:27,054 people like Pitney Sprears get their careers ruined, people like Pitney Sprears get their careers ruined,
1093 01:01:27,260 01:01:29,569 a nice girl who could be your daughter. a nice girl who could be your daughter.
1094 01:01:29,780 01:01:35,093 I wish. Sexy mother-brother-fucker... I wish. Sexy mother-brother-fucker...
1095 01:01:38,060 01:01:40,449 Zeze, you have to give back the music to the internet Zeze, you have to give back the music to the internet
1096 01:01:40,660 01:01:41,979 where you got it from. where you got it from.
1097 01:01:42,140 01:01:43,812 All right, I'll give back the music All right, I'll give back the music
1098 01:01:44,020 01:01:45,772 when you give back the pictures of naked girls. when you give back the pictures of naked girls.
1099 01:01:45,980 01:01:49,609 Naked girls? But I download them for you... Naked girls? But I download them for you...
1100 01:01:49,780 01:01:52,089 Come on, man. Don't push it. Come on, man. Don't push it.
1101 01:01:52,260 01:01:56,219 Boy, are you twisted, I don't even have a computer. Boy, are you twisted, I don't even have a computer.
1102 01:01:56,460 01:01:58,052 I did have a computer connection I did have a computer connection
1103 01:01:58,220 01:02:01,098 to the internet with gastric bandwidth, to the internet with gastric bandwidth,
1104 01:02:01,300 01:02:03,689 and you took it to your house, asshole. and you took it to your house, asshole.
1105 01:02:03,860 01:02:05,691 It's in my house, but it belongs to you. It's in my house, but it belongs to you.
1106 01:02:05,940 01:02:06,895 And therefore, And therefore,
1107 01:02:07,060 01:02:09,130 the one downloading music off internet is you. the one downloading music off internet is you.
1108 01:02:09,300 01:02:10,972 And that's what I'm going to tell the coppers. And that's what I'm going to tell the coppers.
1109 01:02:11,180 01:02:12,818 Zeze, don't get the fuzz involved in this. Zeze, don't get the fuzz involved in this.
1110 01:02:12,980 01:02:15,016 Let's solve this problem in a civilized way. Let's solve this problem in a civilized way.
1111 01:02:15,460 01:02:16,859 You're a nervy bastard, man. You're a nervy bastard, man.
1112 01:02:17,060 01:02:20,097 You should give all that filth back to the Internet You should give all that filth back to the Internet
1113 01:02:20,300 01:02:21,653 before the cops get here. before the cops get here.
1114 01:02:22,180 01:02:23,135 Police! Police!
1115 01:02:24,820 01:02:26,856 Look Zeze, what I was saying. Look Zeze, what I was saying.
1116 01:02:27,020 01:02:30,137 This is what the kids call Pornication. This is what the kids call Pornication.
1117 01:02:31,980 01:02:34,050 But didn't this used to be a market? But didn't this used to be a market?
1118 01:02:34,420 01:02:35,933 Yes, used to, but you know, Yes, used to, but you know,
1119 01:02:36,140 01:02:37,812 they are tearing down all the most typical stuff. they are tearing down all the most typical stuff.
1120 01:02:37,980 01:02:38,935 How typical. How typical.
1121 01:02:39,140 01:02:42,098 You know, instead of being an historic landmark, You know, instead of being an historic landmark,
1122 01:02:42,340 01:02:44,251 we have a temple of lust and sin. we have a temple of lust and sin.
1123 01:02:45,140 01:02:47,654 For shame! - They have no right! For shame! - They have no right!
1124 01:02:50,740 01:02:51,695 Shall we go in? Shall we go in?
1125 01:02:51,860 01:02:52,815 Let's go in. Let's go in.
1126 01:03:00,180 01:03:04,970 HELP YOURSELF, GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF THE REST HELP YOURSELF, GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF THE REST
1127 01:03:07,140 01:03:08,129 Hey, chief! Hey, chief!
1128 01:03:08,660 01:03:11,652 That chick there in that orgy there, her name's Lassie right? That chick there in that orgy there, her name's Lassie right?
1129 01:03:13,020 01:03:17,536 No, it's Tera Patricks, but if you want a movie with Lassie, No, it's Tera Patricks, but if you want a movie with Lassie,
1130 01:03:17,700 01:03:20,260 we have some in the section for nutcases. we have some in the section for nutcases.
1131 01:03:20,940 01:03:23,056 Your fucking nutcase mom. Your fucking nutcase mom.
1132 01:03:23,500 01:03:24,455 See how you like getting See how you like getting
1133 01:03:24,660 01:03:25,979 that machine crammed down your throat! that machine crammed down your throat!
1134 01:03:26,740 01:03:29,208 Your place or mine, sweetie? Your place or mine, sweetie?
1135 01:03:31,700 01:03:32,655 Toni! Toni!
1136 01:03:35,420 01:03:36,739 Hang on, I'll be right there. Hang on, I'll be right there.
1137 01:03:39,020 01:03:42,490 That's amazing, what crazy chicks. That's amazing, what crazy chicks.
1138 01:03:42,820 01:03:44,299 They don't even know the guy and look what they do to him! They don't even know the guy and look what they do to him!
1139 01:03:44,980 01:03:45,935 Let me watch the rest. Let me watch the rest.
1140 01:03:46,100 01:03:47,613 But Toni, are you inside there? But Toni, are you inside there?
1141 01:03:48,260 01:03:49,579 No, it's another guy who's inside. No, it's another guy who's inside.
1142 01:03:50,100 01:03:51,249 That's too bad! That's too bad!
1143 01:03:51,460 01:03:54,452 The thing is, there are some girls here who'd drive you crazy. The thing is, there are some girls here who'd drive you crazy.
1144 01:03:54,780 01:03:55,735 Holy shit! Holy shit!
1145 01:04:02,500 01:04:03,489 Gotta coin? Gotta coin?
1146 01:04:04,060 01:04:05,015 Want me to coin you? Want me to coin you?
1147 01:04:05,300 01:04:06,255 Yeah, coin me. Yeah, coin me.
1148 01:04:07,700 01:04:08,655 Here. Here.
1149 01:04:09,500 01:04:10,728 And I won't touch that shit And I won't touch that shit
1150 01:04:11,260 01:04:13,615 'cause I'm not vaccinated against the paleontomielitica fever. 'cause I'm not vaccinated against the paleontomielitica fever.
1151 01:04:14,020 01:04:16,329 Take it and put it in the slot. Take it and put it in the slot.
1152 01:04:17,020 01:04:21,377 Zeze, I'm sure that place is full of naked hot chicks. Zeze, I'm sure that place is full of naked hot chicks.
1153 01:04:21,940 01:04:22,895 Fuck. Fuck.
1154 01:04:23,060 01:04:24,015 Put it in. Put it in.
1155 01:04:30,540 01:04:32,098 In two words: A-mazing. In two words: A-mazing.
1156 01:04:32,420 01:04:34,138 They're incredible! They're incredible!
1157 01:04:34,980 01:04:38,256 Zeze, how the fuck do they make the stage turn like that? Zeze, how the fuck do they make the stage turn like that?
1158 01:04:38,580 01:04:40,252 That they do with slave labor. That they do with slave labor.
1159 01:04:40,540 01:04:41,495 Down below there are a bunch Down below there are a bunch
1160 01:04:41,660 01:04:44,697 of Uranium, Romanium, Bulgarium dwarves... of Uranium, Romanium, Bulgarium dwarves...
1161 01:04:45,100 01:04:47,011 all pushing the wheel. all pushing the wheel.
1162 01:04:47,500 01:04:51,573 This country is full Africans, poor things, This country is full Africans, poor things,
1163 01:04:51,860 01:04:53,851 their backs must kill them their backs must kill them
1164 01:04:54,140 01:04:55,971 from pushing around those buff hotties. from pushing around those buff hotties.
1165 01:04:56,660 01:04:59,538 Quiet, we're watching the girls! Quiet, we're watching the girls!
1166 01:05:03,300 01:05:04,892 So, will you give me a coin? So, will you give me a coin?
1167 01:05:05,100 01:05:06,055 What for? What for?
1168 01:05:06,220 01:05:07,175 For the girls. For the girls.
1169 01:05:07,340 01:05:08,489 And you think the girls are going to let you see something And you think the girls are going to let you see something
1170 01:05:08,700 01:05:09,655 for a fucking coin? for a fucking coin?
1171 01:05:09,820 01:05:11,378 Give me a coin or I'll smash your face in! Give me a coin or I'll smash your face in!
1172 01:05:12,020 01:05:13,499 All right, here. All right, here.
1173 01:05:15,660 01:05:16,649 Have fun. Have fun.
1174 01:05:20,180 01:05:21,329 What I really liked was to be there What I really liked was to be there
1175 01:05:21,500 01:05:24,492 in the midst of it all giving it to them. in the midst of it all giving it to them.
1176 01:05:24,980 01:05:30,418 Take it, bitch; you want a pork rod? Take it, bitch; you want a pork rod?
1177 01:05:30,620 01:05:35,853 I'm right here for ya, slut. I'm right here for ya, slut.
1178 01:05:36,340 01:05:38,331 Take it, whore! Take it, whore!
1179 01:05:40,980 01:05:42,129 Watch me Toni. Watch me Toni.
1180 01:05:42,380 01:05:45,258 I'm going to show you how to treat these scrubbers. I'm going to show you how to treat these scrubbers.
1181 01:05:45,820 01:05:47,299 You're watching right, Toni? You're watching right, Toni?
1182 01:05:48,740 01:05:50,810 Where did that asshole go to? Where did that asshole go to?
1183 01:05:52,140 01:05:53,209 Let go of me! Let go of me!
1184 01:05:53,460 01:05:54,415 Toni! Toni!
1185 01:05:54,580 01:05:55,535 Zeze! Zeze!
1186 01:06:04,940 01:06:06,578 Psalm 69. Psalm 69.
1187 01:06:07,260 01:06:09,376 Though I walk in the valley of death, Though I walk in the valley of death,
1188 01:06:09,620 01:06:12,930 I shall never fear, for the Lord is at my side. I shall never fear, for the Lord is at my side.
1189 01:06:14,300 01:06:16,450 I do not see Him, but I know He is with me. I do not see Him, but I know He is with me.
1190 01:06:17,620 01:06:19,531 I other words, I'm on my way... I other words, I'm on my way...
1191 01:06:36,300 01:06:40,179 For you, they're hotties, pieces of ass, For you, they're hotties, pieces of ass,
1192 01:06:40,780 01:06:43,533 but when Toni jumped on top of those sluts, but when Toni jumped on top of those sluts,
1193 01:06:43,740 01:06:47,369 Don Zeze decided that that was a filthy place. Don Zeze decided that that was a filthy place.
1194 01:06:47,700 01:06:49,531 Toni, the light! Toni, the light!
1195 01:06:49,780 01:06:51,259 Light, you want light? Light, you want light?
1196 01:06:51,540 01:06:53,451 I'll give you light all right; I'll give you light all right;
1197 01:06:53,660 01:06:56,094 I'm going to give you a hundred thousand amps in your face; I'm going to give you a hundred thousand amps in your face;
1198 01:06:56,260 01:06:57,693 then you'll know what light is. then you'll know what light is.
1199 01:07:00,460 01:07:01,415 Did you like it? Did you like it?
1200 01:07:01,620 01:07:07,377 Don Zeze might be there like a champion giving it to the sluts. Don Zeze might be there like a champion giving it to the sluts.
1201 01:07:08,220 01:07:12,532 But when it's everyone else's turn, he starts kicking about like a mule. But when it's everyone else's turn, he starts kicking about like a mule.
1202 01:07:13,340 01:07:15,331 I don't understand anything. I don't understand anything.
1203 01:07:15,780 01:07:20,012 And I saw the light and I saw God and the Lord. And I saw the light and I saw God and the Lord.
1204 01:07:20,740 01:07:22,651 And where there's smoke there's fire! And where there's smoke there's fire!
1205 01:07:22,860 01:07:25,693 In the fire were the ladies, with my smoke-cured body. In the fire were the ladies, with my smoke-cured body.
1206 01:07:25,900 01:07:28,778 One of them told me: It's the typical body of a smoker. One of them told me: It's the typical body of a smoker.
1207 01:07:29,060 01:07:30,652 But then Mr. Zeze couldn't keep But then Mr. Zeze couldn't keep
1208 01:07:30,820 01:07:35,689 his trap shut while the rest of us had a bit of fun. his trap shut while the rest of us had a bit of fun.
1209 01:07:35,980 01:07:37,857 I am the Messiah I am the Messiah
1210 01:07:38,060 01:07:40,938 and you all will not silence the word of the Lord. and you all will not silence the word of the Lord.
1211 01:07:41,100 01:07:42,692 I'll tell you all about how you're going to shut up. I'll tell you all about how you're going to shut up.
1212 01:07:42,980 01:07:46,416 I'm gonna give you a half liter of Prozoc with morphine I'm gonna give you a half liter of Prozoc with morphine
1213 01:07:46,620 01:07:48,656 to see if you shut the fuck up for once. to see if you shut the fuck up for once.
1214 01:07:48,860 01:07:50,657 The one speaking here is me. The one speaking here is me.
1215 01:07:54,180 01:07:58,059 You don't understand me, Toni. I'm a new man. You don't understand me, Toni. I'm a new man.
1216 01:07:58,780 01:08:02,489 I've done an about face of 380 degrees in my life. I've done an about face of 380 degrees in my life.
1217 01:08:02,900 01:08:05,698 And now it looks like everything is starting over. And now it looks like everything is starting over.
1218 01:08:05,980 01:08:07,129 Shut up. Shut up.
1219 01:08:07,340 01:08:13,609 I was the one who they beat up and vilified because of Mr. Zeze. I was the one who they beat up and vilified because of Mr. Zeze.
1220 01:08:13,860 01:08:17,375 That is going to be the yell of Tarzan. That is going to be the yell of Tarzan.
1221 01:08:17,940 01:08:19,168 Geronimo! Geronimo!
1222 01:08:21,340 01:08:23,092 Do you remember when I did jumping-jumping Do you remember when I did jumping-jumping
1223 01:08:23,300 01:08:27,737 with the bungee cords and I hit that stone in the river? with the bungee cords and I hit that stone in the river?
1224 01:08:28,300 01:08:31,531 Where were you again my friend? Where were you again my friend?
1225 01:08:32,060 01:08:34,733 I was drowning; I jumped before you did. I was drowning; I jumped before you did.
1226 01:08:35,820 01:08:36,935 Geronimo! Geronimo!
1227 01:08:40,020 01:08:45,299 And where was that ass when I ran over my dog? And where was that ass when I ran over my dog?
1228 01:08:45,940 01:08:48,090 It was clutching onto the wheel, It was clutching onto the wheel,
1229 01:08:48,300 01:08:51,736 because it was partying with the dog when you ran over it. because it was partying with the dog when you ran over it.
1230 01:08:52,420 01:08:53,773 Geronimo! Geronimo!
1231 01:10:08,300 01:10:11,098 What the hell is that? Goats? What the hell is that? Goats?
1232 01:10:12,860 01:10:16,455 They aren't goats. This is my herd, little lassy. They aren't goats. This is my herd, little lassy.
1233 01:10:17,220 01:10:18,892 Lassy? Lassy?
1234 01:10:19,540 01:10:26,252 What about you? What animal are you? Half bird, half bat, and half bug. What about you? What animal are you? Half bird, half bat, and half bug.
1235 01:10:26,660 01:10:29,572 If you ever get painted red, you'll look like Batman. If you ever get painted red, you'll look like Batman.
1236 01:10:32,580 01:10:38,689 Sit down, pull yourself together, man, you're in a state of shocke. Sit down, pull yourself together, man, you're in a state of shocke.
1237 01:10:39,580 01:10:41,730 Of shocke? Don't tell me about shocks, goddammit. Of shocke? Don't tell me about shocks, goddammit.
1238 01:10:41,900 01:10:43,538 If only a bolt of lightning had struck that fucking Hemmingway If only a bolt of lightning had struck that fucking Hemmingway
1239 01:10:43,700 01:10:46,498 or whoever it was who helped him to invent electricity! or whoever it was who helped him to invent electricity!
1240 01:10:48,820 01:10:51,095 What the fuck are we doing here anyway? What the fuck are we doing here anyway?
1241 01:10:52,180 01:10:55,331 Look around you; what is it you see? Look around you; what is it you see?
1242 01:10:57,580 01:11:03,450 Nothing, I don't see anything. Just white and goats. Nothing, I don't see anything. Just white and goats.
1243 01:11:04,620 01:11:06,133 You are in a coma; You are in a coma;
1244 01:11:07,740 01:11:11,699 you are one step away from entering the kingdom of the heavens. you are one step away from entering the kingdom of the heavens.
1245 01:11:14,540 01:11:15,893 Hang on a sec. Hang on a sec.
1246 01:11:16,060 01:11:19,655 Who is it I have the pleasure of speaking to? Who is it I have the pleasure of speaking to?
1247 01:11:20,300 01:11:22,655 Don't you recognize me, Zezinho? Don't you recognize me, Zezinho?
1248 01:11:23,020 01:11:23,975 I really don't think so! I really don't think so!
1249 01:11:24,140 01:11:27,416 Remember who took you in arms so often as a child. Remember who took you in arms so often as a child.
1250 01:11:27,620 01:11:30,339 You were a wee child who was always spitting your pacifier out You were a wee child who was always spitting your pacifier out
1251 01:11:30,500 01:11:32,491 because of the bad blood in your mouth. because of the bad blood in your mouth.
1252 01:11:33,100 01:11:34,931 Who the fuck are you? The pediatrician? Who the fuck are you? The pediatrician?
1253 01:11:35,460 01:11:40,295 No, Zezinho, I'm the father of your great friend Toni. No, Zezinho, I'm the father of your great friend Toni.
1254 01:11:40,860 01:11:43,169 Hey man, don't talk to me about that dude. Hey man, don't talk to me about that dude.
1255 01:11:43,420 01:11:45,695 That asshole electrocuted the hell out of me. That asshole electrocuted the hell out of me.
1256 01:11:46,020 01:11:47,772 If I hadn't been grabbing onto the cot, If I hadn't been grabbing onto the cot,
1257 01:11:47,940 01:11:49,293 he would have been the one here. he would have been the one here.
1258 01:11:50,860 01:11:52,612 Anyway, it was the way to meet the father. Anyway, it was the way to meet the father.
1259 01:11:53,820 01:11:55,219 Toni's father? Toni's father?
1260 01:11:57,260 01:11:58,852 Don't tell me you're Toni's father? Don't tell me you're Toni's father?
1261 01:11:59,780 01:12:00,895 What are you deaf? What are you deaf?
1262 01:12:01,620 01:12:03,929 You are Toni's father, of course, You are Toni's father, of course,
1263 01:12:04,260 01:12:07,809 that's where he gets that bat look from. that's where he gets that bat look from.
1264 01:12:08,060 01:12:09,891 That and his thing for eating corn nuts. That and his thing for eating corn nuts.
1265 01:12:10,820 01:12:12,617 The guy is always fucking eating corn nuts. The guy is always fucking eating corn nuts.
1266 01:12:12,780 01:12:14,657 Never seen anything like it. Never seen anything like it.
1267 01:12:15,260 01:12:17,171 It's the power of genetics. It's the power of genetics.
1268 01:12:17,700 01:12:20,976 Could be. I don't know anything about that. Could be. I don't know anything about that.
1269 01:12:21,180 01:12:25,617 From your family, I just know Toni himself, From your family, I just know Toni himself,
1270 01:12:25,860 01:12:31,378 his mother of course, and now I'm getting to know you. his mother of course, and now I'm getting to know you.
1271 01:12:33,140 01:12:36,769 Wait, but if I am in a coma, Wait, but if I am in a coma,
1272 01:12:37,380 01:12:41,578 and you and I are both here, dressed in white, and you and I are both here, dressed in white,
1273 01:12:42,020 01:12:44,978 there a damn nice breeze blowing. there a damn nice breeze blowing.
1274 01:12:45,140 01:12:48,496 If everything's white and we have goats and everything, If everything's white and we have goats and everything,
1275 01:12:48,700 01:12:50,736 does this mean we're in heaven? does this mean we're in heaven?
1276 01:12:51,500 01:12:55,413 Not exactly heaven; you're at the front door. Not exactly heaven; you're at the front door.
1277 01:12:55,820 01:12:58,015 I'm Saint Peter's assistant. I'm Saint Peter's assistant.
1278 01:12:58,900 01:13:00,128 Saint Peter's assistant? Saint Peter's assistant?
1279 01:13:00,300 01:13:01,255 In other words, In other words,
1280 01:13:01,420 01:13:02,614 I'm wasting my time here with a fucking assistant? I'm wasting my time here with a fucking assistant?
1281 01:13:02,820 01:13:04,048 I want to speak to Saint Peter; I want to speak to Saint Peter;
1282 01:13:04,220 01:13:07,530 I want Saint Peter here immediately! I want Saint Peter here immediately!
1283 01:13:08,100 01:13:09,613 St. Peter is on leave. St. Peter is on leave.
1284 01:13:10,260 01:13:11,215 He's had a breakdown He's had a breakdown
1285 01:13:11,420 01:13:13,217 and doesn't even remember his own name. and doesn't even remember his own name.
1286 01:13:13,820 01:13:17,893 But the most fucked up thing about it is that he blames me for it. But the most fucked up thing about it is that he blames me for it.
1287 01:13:19,100 01:13:22,297 Fuck, shit happens. Fuck, shit happens.
1288 01:13:24,780 01:13:26,736 But wait, what's my deal then; But wait, what's my deal then;
1289 01:13:26,980 01:13:29,778 am I dead or do I have to go back down? am I dead or do I have to go back down?
1290 01:13:30,460 01:13:34,373 The day you will have to come to heaven has not yet come. The day you will have to come to heaven has not yet come.
1291 01:13:34,700 01:13:36,770 And because of the things you are doing, And because of the things you are doing,
1292 01:13:36,940 01:13:38,692 I don't think you're ever going to make it. I don't think you're ever going to make it.
1293 01:13:39,380 01:13:44,738 It's true. I'm a thug and I deserve nothing. It's true. I'm a thug and I deserve nothing.
1294 01:13:44,900 01:13:46,538 And I don't even deserve the ground I step on And I don't even deserve the ground I step on
1295 01:13:46,700 01:13:48,372 or the air I breathe. or the air I breathe.
1296 01:13:48,780 01:13:51,977 Punish me, punish me, Punish me, punish me,
1297 01:13:52,220 01:13:54,575 hit me with your cane on this side of my head hit me with your cane on this side of my head
1298 01:13:54,820 01:13:55,775 where it hurts most. where it hurts most.
1299 01:13:55,940 01:13:58,170 Aggressions are not allowed in heaven. Aggressions are not allowed in heaven.
1300 01:13:59,300 01:14:01,860 But since you ask me to. Take that! But since you ask me to. Take that!
1301 01:14:04,780 01:14:08,693 Fuck, what is that, solid oak or quincewood? Fuck, what is that, solid oak or quincewood?
1302 01:14:08,900 01:14:12,859 And now go in peace and carry out your mission. And now go in peace and carry out your mission.
1303 01:14:13,660 01:14:17,892 Leave here and go to a monastery, to the quietest one you find, Leave here and go to a monastery, to the quietest one you find,
1304 01:14:18,060 01:14:23,771 and quit fucking everyone around! and quit fucking everyone around!
1305 01:14:24,220 01:14:26,893 Okay, okay. Can I kiss your hand? Okay, okay. Can I kiss your hand?
1306 01:14:27,060 01:14:29,210 No, don't be such a pussy! No, don't be such a pussy!
1307 01:14:30,180 01:14:33,092 Let me tell ya, fella! Let me tell ya, fella!
1308 01:14:34,260 01:14:37,138 Do you want me to give your son a message? Do you want me to give your son a message?
1309 01:14:38,060 01:14:39,891 Tell him that one day Tell him that one day
1310 01:14:40,060 01:14:43,416 he'll be a great man because he'll go... he'll be a great man because he'll go...
1311 01:14:44,780 01:14:46,896 Wait, I didn't get that last part. Wait, I didn't get that last part.
1312 01:14:47,460 01:14:50,736 Isn't there a piece of paper around to jot down a little note? Isn't there a piece of paper around to jot down a little note?
1313 01:14:52,820 01:14:54,856 Fuck, you all here in heaven live like Gods, Fuck, you all here in heaven live like Gods,
1314 01:14:55,420 01:14:56,648 two-ply and everything. two-ply and everything.
1315 01:14:56,900 01:14:58,299 What was that... What was that...
1316 01:15:00,500 01:15:03,856 Farewell, little lassy. Farewell, little lassy.
1317 01:15:08,260 01:15:12,970 The constellation Booties... was your favorite. The constellation Booties... was your favorite.
1318 01:15:14,180 01:15:15,579 I'm sorry Zeze. I'm sorry Zeze.
1319 01:15:16,180 01:15:18,614 I shouldn't have given you so many shockes. I shouldn't have given you so many shockes.
1320 01:15:19,860 01:15:21,851 Now you're in a coma Now you're in a coma
1321 01:15:22,140 01:15:25,098 and your lighter might go out at any time now. and your lighter might go out at any time now.
1322 01:15:25,700 01:15:27,213 You're my best friend You're my best friend
1323 01:15:27,460 01:15:30,338 and now you're just a body lying on a hospital bed, and now you're just a body lying on a hospital bed,
1324 01:15:30,740 01:15:35,894 with tubes in your nose and drains all over the place. with tubes in your nose and drains all over the place.
1325 01:15:37,980 01:15:39,129 It's not fair. It's not fair.
1326 01:15:40,300 01:15:43,656 Where am I going to find another friend like you? Where am I going to find another friend like you?
1327 01:15:45,420 01:15:48,730 Because friends like you don't just fall out of the sky... Because friends like you don't just fall out of the sky...
1328 01:15:55,380 01:15:58,099 Zeze? It worked! Zeze? It worked!
1329 01:15:59,500 01:16:04,893 Hot chicks, money, and crates of beer don't just fall out of the sky. Hot chicks, money, and crates of beer don't just fall out of the sky.
1330 01:16:05,820 01:16:07,014 I'm all fucked up. I'm all fucked up.
1331 01:16:07,500 01:16:10,492 Jesus, I shouldn't have said the words the same way. Jesus, I shouldn't have said the words the same way.
1332 01:16:10,860 01:16:14,091 Zeze, what happened to you, where have you been? Zeze, what happened to you, where have you been?
1333 01:16:14,260 01:16:17,935 Don't ask me stupid questions! Don't ask me stupid questions!
1334 01:16:18,620 01:16:20,815 But weren't you in a coma? - No. But weren't you in a coma? - No.
1335 01:16:20,980 01:16:22,971 So then I'd better split before you start beating me. So then I'd better split before you start beating me.
1336 01:16:23,140 01:16:25,779 Wait. The one who's gonna split is me. Wait. The one who's gonna split is me.
1337 01:16:26,180 01:16:29,889 I come from the world of the dead and I'm a new man. I come from the world of the dead and I'm a new man.
1338 01:16:30,500 01:16:32,377 I'm only interested in the spiritual. I'm only interested in the spiritual.
1339 01:16:32,540 01:16:34,849 Material things do not matter to me at all. Material things do not matter to me at all.
1340 01:16:35,020 01:16:36,135 Give me your car keys. Give me your car keys.
1341 01:16:36,380 01:16:39,417 What keys? I've hot-wired it ever since I bought it. What keys? I've hot-wired it ever since I bought it.
1342 01:16:40,460 01:16:43,896 Let me tell ya, fella! I'm outta here, friend. Let me tell ya, fella! I'm outta here, friend.
1343 01:16:44,060 01:16:45,698 You'll never see me again. You'll never see me again.
1344 01:16:45,900 01:16:49,210 I'm going to a monastery because the faith is calling me. I'm going to a monastery because the faith is calling me.
1345 01:16:49,500 01:16:50,455 The caf� is too? The caf� is too?
1346 01:16:50,620 01:16:51,814 No, the faith is calling me. No, the faith is calling me.
1347 01:16:52,140 01:16:53,095 Without coffee. Without coffee.
1348 01:16:54,380 01:16:55,335 Yes, without coffee. Yes, without coffee.
1349 01:16:56,020 01:16:58,136 It's true, your father sent me It's true, your father sent me
1350 01:16:58,820 01:17:02,290 to tell you that you will be a great man to tell you that you will be a great man
1351 01:17:02,700 01:17:04,895 because you are going to save... because you are going to save...
1352 01:17:06,780 01:17:10,011 What are you talking about? What are you talking about?
1353 01:17:10,580 01:17:13,378 I said your father sent me to tell you that one day, I said your father sent me to tell you that one day,
1354 01:17:13,580 01:17:15,298 you will be a great man because you'll go to... you will be a great man because you'll go to...
1355 01:17:17,020 01:17:18,339 Why am I going where? Why am I going where?
1356 01:17:18,500 01:17:20,456 Jesus fucking Christ! I didn't hear a goddamn thing! Jesus fucking Christ! I didn't hear a goddamn thing!
1357 01:17:21,940 01:17:25,296 UPON NIGHTFALL UPON NIGHTFALL
1358 01:17:31,180 01:17:35,458 Zeze, where is my father? What the fuck were you saying? Zeze, where is my father? What the fuck were you saying?
1359 01:17:35,700 01:17:38,453 Toni, if you want to look for your father, Toni, if you want to look for your father,
1360 01:17:38,700 01:17:40,975 you have to look inside yourself, you have to look inside yourself,
1361 01:17:41,220 01:17:43,734 but then afterwards outside as well... but then afterwards outside as well...
1362 01:17:43,940 01:17:45,817 he might be outside. he might be outside.
1363 01:17:46,020 01:17:48,488 Enough Chinese proverbs, goddammit. Enough Chinese proverbs, goddammit.
1364 01:17:49,220 01:17:51,051 Alright, what is it you want, Toni? Alright, what is it you want, Toni?
1365 01:17:51,580 01:17:54,890 Do you want to read the writings that your father left for you? Do you want to read the writings that your father left for you?
1366 01:17:55,140 01:17:56,414 If they existed. If they existed.
1367 01:17:56,660 01:17:58,935 Exist they do exist, it's just that... Exist they do exist, it's just that...
1368 01:17:59,100 01:18:03,298 Of course they don't. How absurd. Of course they don't. How absurd.
1369 01:18:03,580 01:18:05,377 In your father's days, there wasn't even paper. In your father's days, there wasn't even paper.
1370 01:18:05,820 01:18:09,176 They all wrote everything in cave walls. They all wrote everything in cave walls.
1371 01:18:09,780 01:18:11,657 Like those cave paintings in Altamira. Like those cave paintings in Altamira.
1372 01:18:11,940 01:18:14,659 Do you get it? But that doesn't interest anyone. Do you get it? But that doesn't interest anyone.
1373 01:18:14,900 01:18:17,130 They usually flood it all so people won't read it. They usually flood it all so people won't read it.
1374 01:18:17,300 01:18:20,053 Zeze, I know very well there was paper, Zeze, I know very well there was paper,
1375 01:18:20,220 01:18:22,859 because my mother said that my father used up because my mother said that my father used up
1376 01:18:23,100 01:18:28,128 seven trees of toilet paper every time he sat on the can. seven trees of toilet paper every time he sat on the can.
1377 01:18:28,380 01:18:30,052 Toilet paper isn't paper. Toilet paper isn't paper.
1378 01:18:30,380 01:18:36,899 Zeze, give me those papers. I'll give you everything you want. Zeze, give me those papers. I'll give you everything you want.
1379 01:18:37,100 01:18:38,249 I'm not for sale. I'm not for sale.
1380 01:18:39,260 01:18:40,295 Everything, everything? Everything, everything?
1381 01:18:40,620 01:18:44,215 What is it you want, jewels, amethyst, sapphire, rubies? What is it you want, jewels, amethyst, sapphire, rubies?
1382 01:18:44,380 01:18:47,099 No, I don't want immaterial things. No, I don't want immaterial things.
1383 01:18:47,300 01:18:50,929 I'll settle for a blanket and some garlic soup, I'll settle for a blanket and some garlic soup,
1384 01:18:51,180 01:18:53,216 two desert grasshoppers... two desert grasshoppers...
1385 01:18:53,540 01:18:55,132 Do you want ingots of gold? Do you want ingots of gold?
1386 01:18:55,380 01:18:59,168 Cause I'll take my car and crash it into the Bank of Portugal! Cause I'll take my car and crash it into the Bank of Portugal!
1387 01:18:59,340 01:19:00,295 No. No.
1388 01:19:00,460 01:19:02,416 I know. You want luxury cars? I know. You want luxury cars?
1389 01:19:02,580 01:19:03,535 No. No.
1390 01:19:03,700 01:19:05,292 Zeze, what about one of those mansions Zeze, what about one of those mansions
1391 01:19:05,500 01:19:10,290 with pure, fourteen kilowatt gold doors? with pure, fourteen kilowatt gold doors?
1392 01:19:10,500 01:19:23,618 No, no, Toni, I want something more simple, something symbolic. No, no, Toni, I want something more simple, something symbolic.
1393 01:19:23,900 01:19:26,494 Golly this is starting to be a guessing game Golly this is starting to be a guessing game
1394 01:19:26,780 01:19:29,214 like Trivial Samsonite. like Trivial Samsonite.
1395 01:19:29,700 01:19:36,811 Toni, I just want your friendship. Toni, I just want your friendship.
1396 01:19:38,420 01:19:39,773 Friend. Friend.
1397 01:19:43,300 01:19:44,779 ... and little more. ... and little more.
1398 01:19:49,540 01:19:53,453 Toni, do you remember the debt we have with the Lambretas? Toni, do you remember the debt we have with the Lambretas?
1399 01:19:53,740 01:19:54,695 Sort of. Sort of.
1400 01:19:55,700 01:19:59,932 I'm a saintly man and I cannot take on debts. I'm a saintly man and I cannot take on debts.
1401 01:20:00,340 01:20:04,777 It's heresy. If you paid debt, we'd be left in... It's heresy. If you paid debt, we'd be left in...
1402 01:20:05,140 01:20:07,335 And that way I'd learn about the messages from my father? And that way I'd learn about the messages from my father?
1403 01:20:07,700 01:20:08,735 That too. That too.
1404 01:20:10,540 01:20:12,690 Zeze, you're not going to believe it. Zeze, you're not going to believe it.
1405 01:20:12,940 01:20:13,895 Of course not. Of course not.
1406 01:20:14,260 01:20:16,057 But I've already paid off the Lambretas debt. But I've already paid off the Lambretas debt.
1407 01:20:16,380 01:20:19,099 And so if that's the problem, it's already taken care of. And so if that's the problem, it's already taken care of.
1408 01:20:19,420 01:20:21,092 Come on, tell me what my father said... Come on, tell me what my father said...
1409 01:20:21,660 01:20:24,732 Wait, how did you pay off the debt? Wait, how did you pay off the debt?
1410 01:20:24,940 01:20:27,613 If you don't even have money to buy bread. If you don't even have money to buy bread.
1411 01:20:27,780 01:20:30,738 Well, with my collection of antique glazed whisky bottles. Well, with my collection of antique glazed whisky bottles.
1412 01:20:31,140 01:20:32,095 No. No.
1413 01:20:32,260 01:20:33,215 Yes. Yes.
1414 01:20:33,380 01:20:34,574 No. - Yes. No. - Yes.
1415 01:20:34,820 01:20:39,496 But I thought you were going to keep that bottle collection But I thought you were going to keep that bottle collection
1416 01:20:39,700 01:20:40,815 for your little daughter's wedding! for your little daughter's wedding!
1417 01:20:40,980 01:20:44,450 Forget it, she's uglier than a retread tire. Forget it, she's uglier than a retread tire.
1418 01:20:44,620 01:20:47,418 And I'm telling you, And I'm telling you,
1419 01:20:47,580 01:20:51,573 you don't owe anyone anything, especially me. you don't owe anyone anything, especially me.
1420 01:20:51,980 01:20:53,049 Alright, what is it you want, man? Alright, what is it you want, man?
1421 01:20:53,220 01:20:56,929 I'm a softie and I'll give you everything I have. I'm a softie and I'll give you everything I have.
1422 01:20:57,180 01:20:58,499 You're a good man. You're a good man.
1423 01:20:58,740 01:20:59,809 To say nothing bad about you. To say nothing bad about you.
1424 01:21:00,740 01:21:02,492 If I'd known, I'd have asked for something else. If I'd known, I'd have asked for something else.
1425 01:21:02,700 01:21:06,295 Come on, that's enough. Let's get on about my father. Come on, that's enough. Let's get on about my father.
1426 01:21:15,940 01:21:17,214 What box is that, Zeze? What box is that, Zeze?
1427 01:21:18,180 01:21:21,331 That's not a box. It's a chest. That's not a box. It's a chest.
1428 01:21:21,540 01:21:22,495 We're going to see We're going to see
1429 01:21:22,700 01:21:24,133 if they have frozen veggie soup and fish sticks. if they have frozen veggie soup and fish sticks.
1430 01:21:24,940 01:21:26,134 This fucking torch keeps dripping off shit, This fucking torch keeps dripping off shit,
1431 01:21:26,300 01:21:27,779 goddammit. goddammit.
1432 01:21:27,940 01:21:28,895 Fuck it! Fuck it!
1433 01:21:38,420 01:21:41,173 Toni, this chest contains Toni, this chest contains
1434 01:21:41,380 01:21:44,656 what you have been looking for for so long. what you have been looking for for so long.
1435 01:21:44,820 01:21:46,094 The football sticker collection? The football sticker collection?
1436 01:21:46,420 01:21:47,375 No, dumbfuck. No, dumbfuck.
1437 01:21:47,860 01:21:49,816 The Pokemon collection? The Pokemon collection?
1438 01:21:50,180 01:21:57,734 No, your father's writings. The last message he gave you is here. No, your father's writings. The last message he gave you is here.
1439 01:21:58,060 01:21:59,049 Great! Great!
1440 01:22:00,540 01:22:01,655 Toni, did you fart? Toni, did you fart?
1441 01:22:01,820 01:22:02,809 Not now. Not now.
1442 01:22:03,220 01:22:04,892 It's just that it smells like rotten old man, It's just that it smells like rotten old man,
1443 01:22:05,100 01:22:06,055 what the fuck did you eat? what the fuck did you eat?
1444 01:22:06,300 01:22:08,097 Some corn nuts and a beer. Some corn nuts and a beer.
1445 01:22:08,260 01:22:09,215 Actually the truth is, Actually the truth is,
1446 01:22:09,540 01:22:13,613 the one who ate the corn nuts was Popeye. the one who ate the corn nuts was Popeye.
1447 01:22:14,580 01:22:18,175 Toni, there's something strange here, don't you feel it? Toni, there's something strange here, don't you feel it?
1448 01:22:20,220 01:22:23,371 Zeze, I don't want to bear false witness, Zeze, I don't want to bear false witness,
1449 01:22:23,540 01:22:27,977 but do you happen to have an extinguisher or water? but do you happen to have an extinguisher or water?
1450 01:22:28,300 01:22:29,528 Now you're thirsty? Now you're thirsty?
1451 01:22:29,700 01:22:32,214 Thirsty no, there's a lack of moisture. Thirsty no, there's a lack of moisture.
1452 01:22:32,420 01:22:33,933 And now you want moisture? And now you want moisture?
1453 01:22:34,100 01:22:40,096 Go climb up the mountain and jump down the well, why don't ya! Go climb up the mountain and jump down the well, why don't ya!
1454 01:22:40,300 01:22:41,415 In other words, no water at all then? In other words, no water at all then?
1455 01:22:41,580 01:22:43,093 None. You're pissing me off, and now what? None. You're pissing me off, and now what?
1456 01:22:43,340 01:22:45,729 Now let it burn and let God's will be done. Now let it burn and let God's will be done.
1457 01:22:45,900 01:22:47,015 But let what burn? But let what burn?
1458 01:22:47,580 01:22:48,569 Your suit. Your suit.
1459 01:22:49,820 01:22:52,129 Toni, I'm burning up here Toni, I'm burning up here
1460 01:22:52,420 01:22:55,378 and you don't say anything? and you don't say anything?
1461 01:22:55,620 01:22:58,259 I didn't want you to get upset. I didn't want you to get upset.
1462 01:22:58,420 01:22:59,375 Water, water! Water, water!
1463 01:22:59,540 01:23:00,893 You see, you're upset. You see, you're upset.
1464 01:23:01,140 01:23:03,529 Put it out, anyway you can! Put it out, anyway you can!
1465 01:23:04,580 01:23:05,899 What if I piss on it? What if I piss on it?
1466 01:23:06,540 01:23:09,691 Yeah, good idea, but make it quick. Yeah, good idea, but make it quick.
1467 01:23:10,340 01:23:13,093 Goddammit, the chest is also burning. Goddammit, the chest is also burning.
1468 01:23:13,340 01:23:14,739 And I'm not sure I have enough liquid for everything, And I'm not sure I have enough liquid for everything,
1469 01:23:14,900 01:23:16,299 I'm not a human tanker! I'm not a human tanker!
1470 01:23:16,460 01:23:18,098 Toni, don't you dare. Toni, don't you dare.
1471 01:23:18,500 01:23:22,209 Now piss on me or I'll beat you to a pulp! Now piss on me or I'll beat you to a pulp!
1472 01:23:22,620 01:23:24,451 I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do.
1473 01:23:24,620 01:23:27,418 My father's writings will be lost forever. My father's writings will be lost forever.
1474 01:23:27,740 01:23:35,249 The T and the O, To. The N and the I, Ni. The T and the O, To. The N and the I, Ni.
1475 01:23:35,460 01:23:39,499 To... Ni... To... Ni...
1476 01:23:43,980 01:23:45,299 What a relief! What a relief!
1477 01:23:48,620 01:23:50,019 Thank you, friend. Thank you, friend.
1478 01:23:53,700 01:23:57,136 What you've done is proof of great friendship. What you've done is proof of great friendship.
1479 01:23:57,940 01:24:01,489 I don't know if I would have done the same for you. Give me a hug... I don't know if I would have done the same for you. Give me a hug...
1480 01:24:01,660 01:24:05,369 No, don't hug me. Gross. We'd best get outta here. No, don't hug me. Gross. We'd best get outta here.
1481 01:24:05,820 01:24:08,050 You're right, let's go. You're right, let's go.
1482 01:24:20,700 01:24:23,294 Let's go Tonimobile, save your owner, Let's go Tonimobile, save your owner,
1483 01:24:23,460 01:24:27,055 just like he's saved you so many times. Come on! just like he's saved you so many times. Come on!
1484 01:24:40,220 01:24:41,175 I know. I know.
1485 01:24:41,340 01:24:42,329 What? What?
1486 01:24:42,500 01:24:44,650 I know what it was your father said. I know what it was your father said.
1487 01:24:45,340 01:24:46,375 And so, the chest? And so, the chest?
1488 01:24:46,540 01:24:48,212 Forget the goddamn chest, it doesn't matter. Forget the goddamn chest, it doesn't matter.
1489 01:24:48,420 01:24:49,899 The important thing is what your father told me. The important thing is what your father told me.
1490 01:24:50,260 01:24:55,050 Your father said that you'd prove to be a great man. Your father said that you'd prove to be a great man.
1491 01:24:55,700 01:24:56,655 No. No.
1492 01:24:56,820 01:24:59,414 Yes, and you'd save a great friend of yours Yes, and you'd save a great friend of yours
1493 01:24:59,580 01:25:00,854 from certain death, from certain death,
1494 01:25:01,060 01:25:03,893 and leave behind everything that meant most to you. and leave behind everything that meant most to you.
1495 01:25:06,220 01:25:07,175 Zeze! Zeze!
1496 01:25:07,420 01:25:08,455 Toni! Toni!
1497 01:25:12,980 01:25:14,015 What joy! What joy!
1498 01:25:14,860 01:25:17,135 Now all I need to know is who that friend Now all I need to know is who that friend
1499 01:25:17,300 01:25:19,256 I'm going to save from certain death is, I'm going to save from certain death is,
1500 01:25:19,500 01:25:22,219 leaving behind everything that means the most. leaving behind everything that means the most.
1501 01:25:22,500 01:25:23,728 Who might that guy be? Who might that guy be?
1502 01:25:24,620 01:25:27,373 Zeze, I have to go, my friend. Zeze, I have to go, my friend.
1503 01:25:27,660 01:25:30,015 Because if my father says that that is my fate, Because if my father says that that is my fate,
1504 01:25:30,340 01:25:33,730 I have to travel the world in search of the man I have to save. I have to travel the world in search of the man I have to save.
1505 01:25:33,980 01:25:36,448 He must be pissed off waiting for me. He must be pissed off waiting for me.
1506 01:25:36,700 01:25:45,130 Toni, but what about your home and our neighborhood? Toni, but what about your home and our neighborhood?
1507 01:25:45,340 01:25:49,015 Everyone is waiting to celebrate my return. Everyone is waiting to celebrate my return.
1508 01:25:49,300 01:25:51,416 Zeze, I haven't been back to the neighborhood in one month, Zeze, I haven't been back to the neighborhood in one month,
1509 01:25:51,700 01:25:53,179 and now I'll make the most of it and now I'll make the most of it
1510 01:25:53,380 01:25:56,019 and be four or five years without setting foot there. and be four or five years without setting foot there.
1511 01:25:56,420 01:25:58,650 You haven't been to the neighborhood in one month? You haven't been to the neighborhood in one month?
1512 01:25:58,900 01:26:01,175 Of course, one month has passed Of course, one month has passed
1513 01:26:01,340 01:26:03,649 and we haven't paid the Lambretas debt. and we haven't paid the Lambretas debt.
1514 01:26:03,900 01:26:08,416 If they find us, they are going to beat the shit outta ya. If they find us, they are going to beat the shit outta ya.
1515 01:26:08,620 01:26:09,894 Boy, is that a good one! Boy, is that a good one!
1516 01:26:10,060 01:26:11,288 But you told me back there that you'd paid it off. But you told me back there that you'd paid it off.
1517 01:26:11,660 01:26:13,571 I told lots of lies before that message I told lots of lies before that message
1518 01:26:13,780 01:26:15,771 that transformed me into a serious man. that transformed me into a serious man.
1519 01:26:16,900 01:26:19,334 Goodbye, let me tellya, fella! Goodbye, let me tellya, fella!
1520 01:26:19,980 01:26:24,451 Friend, whoever it is you are and however far you go, Friend, whoever it is you are and however far you go,
1521 01:26:24,740 01:26:28,619 be it Sintra, Cascais, Estoril... be it Sintra, Cascais, Estoril...
1522 01:26:29,140 01:26:31,654 get ready because Toni is here to the rescue. get ready because Toni is here to the rescue.
1523 01:26:35,540 01:26:38,373 High ho Silver! High ho Silver!
1524 01:26:44,580 01:26:47,140 TO BE CONTINUED... TO BE CONTINUED...