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1 00:00:06,573 00:00:11,573 ♪ FROZEN IN A TIME AND SPACE DIVIDE ♪ ♪ FROZEN IN A TIME AND SPACE DIVIDE ♪
2 00:00:14,715 00:00:19,715 ♪ BUT HOW WOULD THE UNIVERSE SURVIVE ♪ ♪ BUT HOW WOULD THE UNIVERSE SURVIVE ♪
3 00:00:22,390 00:00:27,390 ♪ DUCK DODGERS OF THE 24th AND 1/2 CENTURY ♪ ♪ DUCK DODGERS OF THE 24th AND 1/2 CENTURY ♪
4 00:00:32,333 00:00:37,333 ♪ PROTECTING THE POWERLESS AND THE WEAK ♪ ♪ PROTECTING THE POWERLESS AND THE WEAK ♪
5 00:00:39,173 00:00:44,173 ♪ DUCK DODGERS IS FIGHTING TYRANNY ♪ ♪ DUCK DODGERS IS FIGHTING TYRANNY ♪
6 00:00:47,915 00:00:52,915 ♪ IN THE 24th AND 1/2 CENTURY ♪ ♪ IN THE 24th AND 1/2 CENTURY ♪
7 00:01:16,277 00:01:19,446 - SO, HOW MANY MILLIONS OF MY ADORING FANS VISITED - SO, HOW MANY MILLIONS OF MY ADORING FANS VISITED
8 00:01:19,513 00:01:22,116 MY FAN SITE TODAY? MY FAN SITE TODAY?
9 00:01:22,183 00:01:25,786 HMM. THE COUNTER'S STILL BROKEN. HMM. THE COUNTER'S STILL BROKEN.
10 00:01:25,853 00:01:27,154 OOH, A POP-UP AD. OOH, A POP-UP AD.
11 00:01:27,221 00:01:29,957 BOY, THESE BABIES MAKE IT ALL WORTHWHILE. BOY, THESE BABIES MAKE IT ALL WORTHWHILE.
12 00:01:30,024 00:01:32,460 AM INTERESTED IN WINNING A LIFETIME SUPPLY OF GARBAGE AM INTERESTED IN WINNING A LIFETIME SUPPLY OF GARBAGE
13 00:01:32,527 00:01:35,796 FROM MY FRIENDS AT TRASH THRASH GARBAGE COMPACTORS? FROM MY FRIENDS AT TRASH THRASH GARBAGE COMPACTORS?
14 00:01:35,863 00:01:37,531 YOU BET I AM! YOU BET I AM!
15 00:01:37,598 00:01:39,833 - C-CAPTAIN DODGERS, STOP! - C-CAPTAIN DODGERS, STOP!
16 00:01:39,900 00:01:41,869 ONLINE CONTESTS ARE ALL SCAMS. ONLINE CONTESTS ARE ALL SCAMS.
17 00:01:41,936 00:01:43,271 YOU SIGN UP TO WIN A SPACE CRUISE, YOU SIGN UP TO WIN A SPACE CRUISE,
18 00:01:43,337 00:01:45,005 AND THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW, YOU'RE ENLISTED, AND THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW, YOU'RE ENLISTED,
19 00:01:45,072 00:01:49,476 WORKING A DEAD-END MILITARY JOB IN SPACE FOR NO PAY. WORKING A DEAD-END MILITARY JOB IN SPACE FOR NO PAY.
20 00:01:49,543 00:01:51,845 I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT I HEAR. I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT I HEAR.
21 00:01:51,912 00:01:53,514 - YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS, CADET? - YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS, CADET?
22 00:01:53,581 00:01:56,683 - THAT I SURROUND MYSELF WITH PEOPLE WHO DON'T APPRECIATE ME? - THAT I SURROUND MYSELF WITH PEOPLE WHO DON'T APPRECIATE ME?
23 00:01:56,750 00:01:59,486 - NO, YOU ARE AFRAID OF COMPETION. - NO, YOU ARE AFRAID OF COMPETION.
24 00:01:59,553 00:02:01,122 NOT ME. I THRIVE ON IT. NOT ME. I THRIVE ON IT.
25 00:02:01,188 00:02:04,825 WHEN IT COMES TO CONTESTS, I'M DOG EAT DOG. WHEN IT COMES TO CONTESTS, I'M DOG EAT DOG.
26 00:02:04,892 00:02:08,028 HOW ELSE COULD WE HAVE WON ALL THAT DIET DOG FOOD? HOW ELSE COULD WE HAVE WON ALL THAT DIET DOG FOOD?
27 00:02:08,095 00:02:10,530 - YEAH, BUT WE DON'T HAVE A FAT D-D... - YEAH, BUT WE DON'T HAVE A FAT D-D...
28 00:02:10,597 00:02:11,565 WE DON'T HAVE A DOG. WE DON'T HAVE A DOG.
29 00:02:11,632 00:02:13,234 - IT'S NOT ABOUT THE PRIZE. - IT'S NOT ABOUT THE PRIZE.
30 00:02:13,301 00:02:16,137 IT'S ABOUT WINNING. WINNING IS ALL THAT MATTERS! IT'S ABOUT WINNING. WINNING IS ALL THAT MATTERS!
31 00:02:16,203 00:02:20,241 ACTUALLY, THAT'S NOT TRUE. THE PRIZE IS JUST AS IMPORTANT. ACTUALLY, THAT'S NOT TRUE. THE PRIZE IS JUST AS IMPORTANT.
32 00:02:20,308 00:02:22,509 - JUST BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE OPPOSING OTHERS IN CONTESTS - JUST BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE OPPOSING OTHERS IN CONTESTS
33 00:02:22,576 00:02:24,678 OF SKILL AND CHANCE DOESN'T MEAN OF SKILL AND CHANCE DOESN'T MEAN
34 00:02:24,745 00:02:27,380 I'M NOT A COMPETI...COMPETI... I'M NOT A COMPETI...COMPETI...
35 00:02:27,447 00:02:30,284 NEVER MIND. NEVER MIND.
36 00:02:30,351 00:02:34,021 - VAN CHANCY'S MEGA MYSTERY GRAND PRIZE SWEEPSTAKES. - VAN CHANCY'S MEGA MYSTERY GRAND PRIZE SWEEPSTAKES.
37 00:02:34,088 00:02:37,324 A CHANCE TO WIN AN UNKNOWN PRIZE I MAY NOT EVEN WANT? A CHANCE TO WIN AN UNKNOWN PRIZE I MAY NOT EVEN WANT?
38 00:02:37,390 00:02:39,126 COUNT ME IN! COUNT ME IN!
39 00:02:39,193 00:02:44,143 HEY, I MUST BE AN INSTANT WINNER! HEY, I MUST BE AN INSTANT WINNER!
40 00:02:46,567 00:02:50,137 - SINGLE, HANDSOME MAN OF SCIENCE SEEKS ROMANCE. - SINGLE, HANDSOME MAN OF SCIENCE SEEKS ROMANCE.
41 00:02:50,204 00:02:53,073 SHOULD ENJOY QUANTUM MECHANICS, NUCLEAR FUSION, SHOULD ENJOY QUANTUM MECHANICS, NUCLEAR FUSION,
42 00:02:53,140 00:02:55,943 FLYING KITES, AND RUBBER GLOVES. FLYING KITES, AND RUBBER GLOVES.
43 00:02:56,010 00:02:58,612 WELL, THAT SHOULD BRING THEM RUNNING. WELL, THAT SHOULD BRING THEM RUNNING.
44 00:02:58,679 00:03:01,949 MYSTERY GRAND PRIZE SWEEPSTAKES. MYSTERY GRAND PRIZE SWEEPSTAKES.
45 00:03:02,016 00:03:06,966 WELL, I AM FEELING KIND OF LUCKY. WELL, I AM FEELING KIND OF LUCKY.
46 00:03:08,255 00:03:12,126 - HM, AUTHENTIC MARTIAN QUEEN PERSONAL POSSESSIONS. - HM, AUTHENTIC MARTIAN QUEEN PERSONAL POSSESSIONS.
47 00:03:12,193 00:03:14,995 WAIT! HOW DID THEY GET MY TOOTHBRUSH? WAIT! HOW DID THEY GET MY TOOTHBRUSH?
48 00:03:15,062 00:03:18,365 AND WHY ISN'T ANYONE BIDDING ON IT? AND WHY ISN'T ANYONE BIDDING ON IT?
49 00:03:18,431 00:03:19,499 SWEEPSTAKES. SWEEPSTAKES.
50 00:03:19,566 00:03:21,435 WELL, I'M ALREADY RICH, WELL, I'M ALREADY RICH,
51 00:03:21,501 00:03:24,404 SO I'M A LOCK TO WIN. SO I'M A LOCK TO WIN.
52 00:03:24,471 00:03:26,107 - DEAR MOTHER, - DEAR MOTHER,
53 00:03:26,173 00:03:28,075 I KNOW YOU ASK ME NOT TO WRITE TO YOU SO MUCH, I KNOW YOU ASK ME NOT TO WRITE TO YOU SO MUCH,
54 00:03:28,142 00:03:30,878 BUT IT'S BEEN HOURS SINCE I HEARD FROM YOU LAST, BUT IT'S BEEN HOURS SINCE I HEARD FROM YOU LAST,
55 00:03:30,945 00:03:34,414 AND I'M STARTING TO WORRY. AND I'M STARTING TO WORRY.
56 00:03:34,481 00:03:37,218 IS THAT YOU, MOTHER? IS THAT YOU, MOTHER?
57 00:03:37,285 00:03:39,453 - HE WRITES TO HIS MOTHER CONSTANTLY. - HE WRITES TO HIS MOTHER CONSTANTLY.
58 00:03:39,519 00:03:41,919 IT'S DISTURBING. IT'S DISTURBING.
59 00:03:47,995 00:03:52,995 - HMM! I'LL SHOW HIM WHO'S AFRAID. - HMM! I'LL SHOW HIM WHO'S AFRAID.
60 00:04:00,107 00:04:04,457 - LOOK, CADET. I THINK I WON. - LOOK, CADET. I THINK I WON.
61 00:04:09,950 00:04:11,252 - HELLO, AND WELCOME TO ANOTHER EDITION - HELLO, AND WELCOME TO ANOTHER EDITION
62 00:04:11,319 00:04:14,488 OF THE GALAXY'S NUMBER-ONE GAME SHOW, OF THE GALAXY'S NUMBER-ONE GAME SHOW,
63 00:04:14,554 00:04:17,024 VAN CHANCY'S "NOT A CHANCE!" VAN CHANCY'S "NOT A CHANCE!"
64 00:04:17,091 00:04:19,593 I'M YOUR HOST, VAN CHANCY! I'M YOUR HOST, VAN CHANCY!
65 00:04:19,660 00:04:22,129 - WOW! IT'S VAN CHANCY. - WOW! IT'S VAN CHANCY.
66 00:04:22,196 00:04:24,564 I'VE NEVER HEARD OF THIS GUY. I'VE NEVER HEARD OF THIS GUY.
67 00:04:24,631 00:04:27,367 - SO, WE'RE ON A TV SHOW? - SO, WE'RE ON A TV SHOW?
68 00:04:27,434 00:04:29,036 - THAT DEPENDS. - THAT DEPENDS.
69 00:04:29,103 00:04:31,405 DO YOU NEED CAMERAS TO MAKE A TV SHOW? DO YOU NEED CAMERAS TO MAKE A TV SHOW?
70 00:04:31,472 00:04:34,908 - YOUR HIGHNESS, MY SENSORS INDICATE NO CAMERAS ARE PRESENT. - YOUR HIGHNESS, MY SENSORS INDICATE NO CAMERAS ARE PRESENT.
71 00:04:34,975 00:04:38,179 - YES, I KNOW. TRY TO KEEP UP, GUYS. - YES, I KNOW. TRY TO KEEP UP, GUYS.
72 00:04:38,245 00:04:41,415 - TODAY, BITTER RIVALS FROM MARS AND EARTH WILL FACE OFF - TODAY, BITTER RIVALS FROM MARS AND EARTH WILL FACE OFF
73 00:04:41,482 00:04:46,482 FOR A CHANCE TO WIN THE MEGA MYSTERY GRAND PRIZE! FOR A CHANCE TO WIN THE MEGA MYSTERY GRAND PRIZE!
74 00:04:46,620 00:04:48,289 IT COULD BE ANYTHING... IT COULD BE ANYTHING...
75 00:04:48,356 00:04:50,191 A YEAR'S WORTH OF PLASTIC DOG VOMIT A YEAR'S WORTH OF PLASTIC DOG VOMIT
76 00:04:50,257 00:04:55,095 OR AN OCTRILLION DOLLARS IN ASTROCASH! OR AN OCTRILLION DOLLARS IN ASTROCASH!
77 00:04:55,162 00:04:58,398 - DOG VOMIT. OH, PLEASE, LET IT BE THE DOG VOMIT! - DOG VOMIT. OH, PLEASE, LET IT BE THE DOG VOMIT!
78 00:04:58,465 00:04:59,733 - HA HA HA HA HA! - HA HA HA HA HA!
79 00:04:59,800 00:05:03,237 LET'S MEET OUR CONTESTANTS. LET'S MEET OUR CONTESTANTS.
80 00:05:03,304 00:05:05,005 WHAT'S YOUR NAME, SWEETHEART? WHAT'S YOUR NAME, SWEETHEART?
81 00:05:05,072 00:05:07,474 - I AM THE QUEEN OF MARS. - I AM THE QUEEN OF MARS.
82 00:05:07,541 00:05:08,709 I DEMAND... I DEMAND...
83 00:05:08,775 00:05:11,545 - MMM. - MMM.
84 00:05:11,611 00:05:13,080 - HOW DARE YOU! - HOW DARE YOU!
85 00:05:13,147 00:05:14,882 - LET'S MEET THE OTHER TEAM! - LET'S MEET THE OTHER TEAM!
86 00:05:14,948 00:05:18,385 AND WHAT'S YOUR NA...HEY, HEY! - MMM. AND WHAT'S YOUR NA...HEY, HEY! - MMM.
87 00:05:18,451 00:05:19,319 - AAH! - AAH!
88 00:05:19,386 00:05:20,454 OK, GREAT. OK, GREAT.
89 00:05:20,521 00:05:23,757 AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THESE COMMERCIALS. AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THESE COMMERCIALS.
90 00:05:23,824 00:05:25,326 ONE MORE STUNT LIKE THAT ONE MORE STUNT LIKE THAT
91 00:05:25,393 00:05:28,062 AND YOU ARE ALL GOING HOME IN AN ENVELOPE! AND YOU ARE ALL GOING HOME IN AN ENVELOPE!
92 00:05:28,128 00:05:32,166 THIS IS MY SHOW! GOT IT? MY SHOW! THIS IS MY SHOW! GOT IT? MY SHOW!
93 00:05:32,233 00:05:34,301 DO YOU THINK I LIKE DOING THIS? DO YOU THINK I LIKE DOING THIS?
94 00:05:34,368 00:05:38,439 DO YOU THINK I ENJOY TAKING PEOPLE CAPTIVE DO YOU THINK I ENJOY TAKING PEOPLE CAPTIVE
95 00:05:38,506 00:05:42,710 AND ENDANGERING THEIR LIVES FOR CHEAP THRILLS AND RATINGS? AND ENDANGERING THEIR LIVES FOR CHEAP THRILLS AND RATINGS?
96 00:05:42,777 00:05:47,514 DO YOU THINK I WANT TO LET THIS CYCLOPS SAUTE AND EAT YOU? DO YOU THINK I WANT TO LET THIS CYCLOPS SAUTE AND EAT YOU?
97 00:05:47,581 00:05:48,982 - YES, ACROSS THE BOARD? - YES, ACROSS THE BOARD?
98 00:05:49,049 00:05:52,286 - CORRECT. THAT'S WHAT MAKES ME VAN CHANCY... - CORRECT. THAT'S WHAT MAKES ME VAN CHANCY...
99 00:05:52,353 00:05:57,353 BED-WETTER AND HOST OF THE UNIVERSE'S NUMBER-ONE GAME SHOW. BED-WETTER AND HOST OF THE UNIVERSE'S NUMBER-ONE GAME SHOW.
100 00:05:58,325 00:06:01,895 - WELCOME BACK. THE CHALLENGES AWAITING OUR CONTESTANTS TODAY - WELCOME BACK. THE CHALLENGES AWAITING OUR CONTESTANTS TODAY
101 00:06:01,962 00:06:05,032 ARE SO TERRIFYING, EVEN I'M SHAKING. ARE SO TERRIFYING, EVEN I'M SHAKING.
102 00:06:05,099 00:06:07,567 WILL ANY OF THEM SURVIVE? WILL ANY OF THEM SURVIVE?
103 00:06:07,634 00:06:09,703 - NOT A CHANCE! - NOT A CHANCE!
104 00:06:09,770 00:06:12,606 - SO, LET'S START THE CARNAGE! - SO, LET'S START THE CARNAGE!
105 00:06:12,672 00:06:15,575 - IT'S ABOUT TIME. - IT'S ABOUT TIME.
106 00:06:15,642 00:06:16,977 - OUR FIRST CHALLENGE IS - OUR FIRST CHALLENGE IS
107 00:06:17,044 00:06:19,079 THE RAGING RAPIDS RIVER RACE OF RUIN. THE RAGING RAPIDS RIVER RACE OF RUIN.
108 00:06:19,146 00:06:21,081 THE TEAM THAT ELUDES THE MAGNETIC MINES, THE TEAM THAT ELUDES THE MAGNETIC MINES,
109 00:06:21,148 00:06:22,483 MAKES IT THROUGH THE RAPIDS, MAKES IT THROUGH THE RAPIDS,
110 00:06:22,550 00:06:25,719 OVER THE WATERFALLS, AND ACROSS THE FINISH LINE FIRST OVER THE WATERFALLS, AND ACROSS THE FINISH LINE FIRST
111 00:06:25,786 00:06:27,821 WITHOUT DROWNING OR EXPLODING WITHOUT DROWNING OR EXPLODING
112 00:06:27,888 00:06:28,822 WINS 10 POINTS. WINS 10 POINTS.
113 00:06:28,889 00:06:31,625 - HA, YOU CALL THAT A CHALLENGE? - HA, YOU CALL THAT A CHALLENGE?
114 00:06:31,691 00:06:34,728 - OH, I'M A GOOD KAYAKER. - OH, I'M A GOOD KAYAKER.
115 00:06:34,795 00:06:37,064 - IS THAT ALL, FOLKS? - IS THAT ALL, FOLKS?
116 00:06:37,131 00:06:39,681 NOT...A...CHANCE! NOT...A...CHANCE!
117 00:06:48,309 00:06:50,777 - YOU'RE IN THE LEAD... WHAT'S GOING THROUGH - YOU'RE IN THE LEAD... WHAT'S GOING THROUGH
118 00:06:50,844 00:06:53,314 YOUR HEAD RIGHT NOW? YOUR HEAD RIGHT NOW?
119 00:06:53,381 00:06:57,351 - ACTUALLY, VAN, RIGHT NOW I'M THINKING ABOUT... - ACTUALLY, VAN, RIGHT NOW I'M THINKING ABOUT...
120 00:06:57,418 00:07:02,068 BUTTERFLIES. THEY CREEP ME OUT. BUTTERFLIES. THEY CREEP ME OUT.
121 00:07:03,790 00:07:05,859 HELP! BUTTERFLIES! HELP! BUTTERFLIES!
122 00:07:05,926 00:07:07,576 HELP! HELP! HELP! HELP!
123 00:07:17,238 00:07:18,506 - YOU JUST EXPLODED. - YOU JUST EXPLODED.
124 00:07:18,573 00:07:20,207 WHAT'S GOING THROUGH YOUR HEAD RIGHT NOW? WHAT'S GOING THROUGH YOUR HEAD RIGHT NOW?
125 00:07:20,274 00:07:23,210 - GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! - GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!
126 00:07:23,277 00:07:26,127 - WE HAVE A WINNER! - WE HAVE A WINNER!
127 00:07:29,816 00:07:31,419 - GOOD GAME, CONTESTANTS. - GOOD GAME, CONTESTANTS.
128 00:07:31,485 00:07:33,487 10 POINTS TO TEAM EARTH FOR WINNING, 10 POINTS TO TEAM EARTH FOR WINNING,
129 00:07:33,554 00:07:36,056 ONE POINT FOR BOTH TEAMS FOR NOT BEING SLAUGHTERED OR EATEN, ONE POINT FOR BOTH TEAMS FOR NOT BEING SLAUGHTERED OR EATEN,
130 00:07:36,123 00:07:38,259 AND 12 POINTS FOR ME FOR BEING FASCINATING. AND 12 POINTS FOR ME FOR BEING FASCINATING.
131 00:07:38,325 00:07:43,325 WE'LL RETURN AFTER THESE THIEVING LIES. WE'LL RETURN AFTER THESE THIEVING LIES.
132 00:07:43,464 00:07:46,267 YOU HAVE 3 MINUTES TO SHAPE UP AND GO TO THE LAVATORY. YOU HAVE 3 MINUTES TO SHAPE UP AND GO TO THE LAVATORY.
133 00:07:46,333 00:07:49,136 - EWW! I CAN STILL FEEL ITS BUTTERY WINGS - EWW! I CAN STILL FEEL ITS BUTTERY WINGS
134 00:07:49,203 00:07:51,338 ALL OVER MY SKIN. EWW! ALL OVER MY SKIN. EWW!
135 00:07:51,405 00:07:53,574 - CADET, IF WE SURVIVE THIS INSANITY, - CADET, IF WE SURVIVE THIS INSANITY,
136 00:07:53,641 00:07:56,477 I'M HAVING DODGERS COMMITTED FOR PSYCHIATRIC EVALUATION. I'M HAVING DODGERS COMMITTED FOR PSYCHIATRIC EVALUATION.
137 00:07:56,544 00:07:59,380 - BUT, SIR, WITHOUT DODGERS, WE WOULDN'T BE WINNING. - BUT, SIR, WITHOUT DODGERS, WE WOULDN'T BE WINNING.
138 00:07:59,447 00:08:02,516 - GOOD POINT. IF WE SURVIVE THIS, I'M HAVING DODGERS CLONED - GOOD POINT. IF WE SURVIVE THIS, I'M HAVING DODGERS CLONED
139 00:08:02,583 00:08:05,620 AND THEN COMMITTED FOR PSYCHIATRIC EVALUATION. AND THEN COMMITTED FOR PSYCHIATRIC EVALUATION.
140 00:08:05,686 00:08:08,556 - EATING CHALLENGES, WE'VE ALL SEEN THEM, HAVEN'T WE? - EATING CHALLENGES, WE'VE ALL SEEN THEM, HAVEN'T WE?
141 00:08:08,623 00:08:12,627 HORSE INTESTINES, FISH EYES, LIVE WALRUS, FRUIT. HORSE INTESTINES, FISH EYES, LIVE WALRUS, FRUIT.
142 00:08:12,693 00:08:14,295 - BLAH! - ONE OF HIS BUTTONS - BLAH! - ONE OF HIS BUTTONS
143 00:08:14,361 00:08:16,230 MUST OPEN A PORTAL OUT OF HERE. MUST OPEN A PORTAL OUT OF HERE.
144 00:08:16,297 00:08:19,333 IF WE PUSH ALL HIS BUTTONS AT ONCE, WE CAN ESCAPE. IF WE PUSH ALL HIS BUTTONS AT ONCE, WE CAN ESCAPE.
145 00:08:19,400 00:08:22,269 - I THINK SOMEBODY ALREADY PUSHED ALL HIS BUTTONS. - I THINK SOMEBODY ALREADY PUSHED ALL HIS BUTTONS.
146 00:08:22,336 00:08:25,473 - AND I THINK SOMEBODY'S AFRAID OF LOSING. - AND I THINK SOMEBODY'S AFRAID OF LOSING.
147 00:08:25,539 00:08:30,244 - NO, DODGERS, WE'RE HOSTAGES. OUR LIVES ARE IN JEOPARDY. - NO, DODGERS, WE'RE HOSTAGES. OUR LIVES ARE IN JEOPARDY.
148 00:08:30,311 00:08:32,612 - AND YOU'RE LOSING. - AND YOU'RE LOSING.
149 00:08:32,679 00:08:34,815 - ONLY BY 10 POINTS. - ONLY BY 10 POINTS.
150 00:08:34,881 00:08:38,218 I'M A GOOD EATER. I'M A GOOD EATER.
151 00:08:38,285 00:08:40,754 BUT HERE'S THE ONE THING WE HAVEN'T SEEN BUT HERE'S THE ONE THING WE HAVEN'T SEEN
152 00:08:40,821 00:08:43,556 OUR CONTESTANTS EAT YET... OUR CONTESTANTS EAT YET...
153 00:08:43,623 00:08:45,159 THEMSELVES! THEMSELVES!
154 00:08:45,225 00:08:46,961 THAT'S RIGHT. THE TEAM THAT EATS A HELPING THAT'S RIGHT. THE TEAM THAT EATS A HELPING
155 00:08:47,028 00:08:49,697 OF ONE OF ITS OWN TEAM MEMBERS WINS 10 POINTS. OF ONE OF ITS OWN TEAM MEMBERS WINS 10 POINTS.
156 00:08:49,764 00:08:52,232 NO MUSTARD ALLOWED. ENJOY YOUR MEAL! NO MUSTARD ALLOWED. ENJOY YOUR MEAL!
157 00:08:52,299 00:08:57,137 UNLESS YOU ARE THE MEAL! UNLESS YOU ARE THE MEAL!
158 00:08:57,204 00:08:58,806 - UH, CAPTAIN, W-WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - UH, CAPTAIN, W-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
159 00:08:58,873 00:09:00,608 - SOMEBODY HAS TO TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM. - SOMEBODY HAS TO TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM.
160 00:09:00,675 00:09:03,410 I FIGURE IT'S YOU BECAUSE YOU HAVE THE LOWEST RANK. I FIGURE IT'S YOU BECAUSE YOU HAVE THE LOWEST RANK.
161 00:09:03,477 00:09:05,712 PLUS, YOU'RE PROBABLY DARNED GOOD EATING. PLUS, YOU'RE PROBABLY DARNED GOOD EATING.
162 00:09:05,779 00:09:06,913 AM I RIGHT, I.Q.? AM I RIGHT, I.Q.?
163 00:09:06,980 00:09:08,549 - WELL, HE DOES HAVE A POINT. - WELL, HE DOES HAVE A POINT.
164 00:09:08,616 00:09:10,384 - B-BUT PLEASE DON'T EAT ME! - B-BUT PLEASE DON'T EAT ME!
165 00:09:10,451 00:09:12,619 - NOW, ARE YOUR LEGS LIGHT OR DARK MEAT? - NOW, ARE YOUR LEGS LIGHT OR DARK MEAT?
166 00:09:12,686 00:09:14,488 - AAH! - AAH!
167 00:09:14,555 00:09:17,124 - AS MUCH AS I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A CANNIBAL, - AS MUCH AS I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A CANNIBAL,
168 00:09:17,191 00:09:18,626 I'M STILL A LITTLE IFFY ON THIS. I'M STILL A LITTLE IFFY ON THIS.
169 00:09:18,693 00:09:22,696 - YOUR HIGHNESS, EAT AS MUCH OF ME AS YOU WISH. - YOUR HIGHNESS, EAT AS MUCH OF ME AS YOU WISH.
170 00:09:22,762 00:09:23,897 IT WOULD BE AN HONOR. IT WOULD BE AN HONOR.
171 00:09:23,964 00:09:25,399 - WAIT, YOUR HIGHNESS, - WAIT, YOUR HIGHNESS,
172 00:09:25,466 00:09:28,369 I BELIEVE THE ANSWER IS RIGHT UNDER OUR NOSES. I BELIEVE THE ANSWER IS RIGHT UNDER OUR NOSES.
173 00:09:28,435 00:09:30,937 - COMMANDER, WE DON'T HAVE NOSES. - COMMANDER, WE DON'T HAVE NOSES.
174 00:09:31,004 00:09:32,939 - PRECISELY, MY QUEEN. - PRECISELY, MY QUEEN.
175 00:09:33,006 00:09:35,209 UH, WE'RE FINISHED OVER HERE. UH, WE'RE FINISHED OVER HERE.
176 00:09:35,275 00:09:37,010 - ALREADY? BUT WHAT DID YOU EAT? - ALREADY? BUT WHAT DID YOU EAT?
177 00:09:37,077 00:09:38,745 - OUR NOSES. - OUR NOSES.
178 00:09:38,812 00:09:39,913 - AND MOUTHS. - AND MOUTHS.
179 00:09:39,980 00:09:41,548 - AND LEGS. - AND LEGS.
180 00:09:41,614 00:09:42,750 - WORKS FOR ME! - WORKS FOR ME!
181 00:09:42,817 00:09:46,253 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THE SHAMELESS FRAUDULENCE. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THE SHAMELESS FRAUDULENCE.
182 00:09:46,320 00:09:47,655 - OH, NOW WE'RE TIED WITH THEM. - OH, NOW WE'RE TIED WITH THEM.
183 00:09:47,722 00:09:50,324 - DON'T WORRY, CHIEF. WE'LL WIN THE NEXT ONE - DON'T WORRY, CHIEF. WE'LL WIN THE NEXT ONE
184 00:09:50,391 00:09:55,391 AS LONG AS IT DOESN'T INVOLVE ROLLER SKATES. AS LONG AS IT DOESN'T INVOLVE ROLLER SKATES.
185 00:09:58,833 00:10:02,470 - WELCOME TO THE PRESIDENTIAL ROLLER DERBY CHALLENGE! - WELCOME TO THE PRESIDENTIAL ROLLER DERBY CHALLENGE!
186 00:10:02,536 00:10:04,505 THE FIRST PLAYER TO MAKE IT AROUND THE TRACK ALIVE THE FIRST PLAYER TO MAKE IT AROUND THE TRACK ALIVE
187 00:10:04,572 00:10:06,574 MOVES ON TO THE FINAL ROUND FOR DELOUSING MOVES ON TO THE FINAL ROUND FOR DELOUSING
188 00:10:06,641 00:10:10,544 AND A CHANCE AT THE MYSTERY PRIZE. AND A CHANCE AT THE MYSTERY PRIZE.
189 00:10:10,611 00:10:13,581 AND YOU'LL COMPETE AGAINST THEM TO SURVIVE. AND YOU'LL COMPETE AGAINST THEM TO SURVIVE.
190 00:10:13,648 00:10:16,651 CLONED ENTIRELY FROM FOSSILIZED DNA, CLONED ENTIRELY FROM FOSSILIZED DNA,
191 00:10:16,717 00:10:20,688 YOU KNOW THEM AS THE LESSER KNOWN AMERICAN PRESIDENTS! YOU KNOW THEM AS THE LESSER KNOWN AMERICAN PRESIDENTS!
192 00:10:20,755 00:10:23,791 SAY HELLO TO MARTIN "RED FOX OF KINDERHOOK" VAN BUREN, SAY HELLO TO MARTIN "RED FOX OF KINDERHOOK" VAN BUREN,
193 00:10:23,858 00:10:28,858 GROVER "UNCLE JUMBO" CLEVELAND, WILLIAM "TIPPECANOE" HARRISON, GROVER "UNCLE JUMBO" CLEVELAND, WILLIAM "TIPPECANOE" HARRISON,
194 00:10:28,929 00:10:32,829 AND JOHN "TYLER II" TYLER! AND JOHN "TYLER II" TYLER!
195 00:10:35,302 00:10:36,903 - ARE YOU SURE THEY WERE PRESIDENTS? - ARE YOU SURE THEY WERE PRESIDENTS?
196 00:10:36,970 00:10:38,972 I'VE NEVER HEARD OF THEM. I'VE NEVER HEARD OF THEM.
197 00:10:39,039 00:10:40,907 - READY, SET, - READY, SET,
198 00:10:40,974 00:10:42,924 ROLLER DERBY! ROLLER DERBY!
199 00:10:46,980 00:10:51,018 - WHOA! WHOA! WHOA... - WHOA! WHOA! WHOA...
200 00:10:51,084 00:10:55,884 - WE HAVE AN UNDESERVING WINNER! - WE HAVE AN UNDESERVING WINNER!
201 00:10:56,490 00:11:00,027 - CAPTAIN DODGERS, THIS IS THE FINAL ROUND. - CAPTAIN DODGERS, THIS IS THE FINAL ROUND.
202 00:11:00,093 00:11:01,562 YOU MUST CHOOSE BETWEEN: YOU MUST CHOOSE BETWEEN:
203 00:11:01,629 00:11:03,531 A...THE LIVES OF YOUR FELLOW CONTESTANTS A...THE LIVES OF YOUR FELLOW CONTESTANTS
204 00:11:03,597 00:11:08,101 OR B...THE MEGA MYSTERY GRAND PRIZE! OR B...THE MEGA MYSTERY GRAND PRIZE!
205 00:11:08,168 00:11:10,204 - OH, THAT'S TOUGH. - OH, THAT'S TOUGH.
206 00:11:10,270 00:11:11,671 WAIT. WHAT WERE THE CHOICES AGAIN? WAIT. WHAT WERE THE CHOICES AGAIN?
207 00:11:11,738 00:11:13,707 - A! A! A! - A! A! A!
208 00:11:13,773 00:11:17,444 - A OR B. - A OR B.
209 00:11:17,511 00:11:19,580 - "A" WAS THE PRIZE, RIGHT? - "A" WAS THE PRIZE, RIGHT?
210 00:11:19,647 00:11:21,816 - NO. THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE, FOLKS! - NO. THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE, FOLKS!
211 00:11:21,883 00:11:23,617 TUNE IN TOMORROW FOR MORE THRILLING, TUNE IN TOMORROW FOR MORE THRILLING,
212 00:11:23,684 00:11:27,054 TREACHEROUS, EMPTY CHALLENGES ON ANOTHER EDITION OF... TREACHEROUS, EMPTY CHALLENGES ON ANOTHER EDITION OF...
213 00:11:27,120 00:11:29,789 - "NOT A CHANCE!" - "NOT A CHANCE!"
214 00:11:29,856 00:11:31,806 - GOOD NIGHT! - GOOD NIGHT!
215 00:11:39,433 00:11:41,535 - WELL, THAT WAS A BIG WASTE OF TIME. - WELL, THAT WAS A BIG WASTE OF TIME.
216 00:11:41,602 00:11:43,671 I WON IT ALL, AND I GOT NOTHING. I WON IT ALL, AND I GOT NOTHING.
217 00:11:43,738 00:11:47,307 YOU KNOW, MAYBE WINNING PRIZES ISN'T SO GREAT AFTER ALL. YOU KNOW, MAYBE WINNING PRIZES ISN'T SO GREAT AFTER ALL.
218 00:11:47,374 00:11:49,410 MAYBE IF I WORK HARD TO EARN THINGS, MAYBE IF I WORK HARD TO EARN THINGS,
219 00:11:49,476 00:11:51,144 I'LL APPRECIATE THEM MORE. I'LL APPRECIATE THEM MORE.
220 00:11:51,211 00:11:55,711 MAYBE...WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING? MAYBE...WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING?
221 00:11:59,019 00:12:00,554 - EH, "C-CONGRATULATIONS. - EH, "C-CONGRATULATIONS.
222 00:12:00,621 00:12:03,056 "YOU'VE WON THE TRASH THRASH GARBAGE COMPACTOR "YOU'VE WON THE TRASH THRASH GARBAGE COMPACTOR
223 00:12:03,123 00:12:04,057 "GARBAGE GIVEAWAY. "GARBAGE GIVEAWAY.
224 00:12:04,124 00:12:06,059 ENJOY YOUR GARBAGE, CHUMP." ENJOY YOUR GARBAGE, CHUMP."
225 00:12:06,126 00:12:07,595 - FORGET WHAT I JUST SAID. - FORGET WHAT I JUST SAID.
226 00:12:07,661 00:12:10,130 DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT ALL THIS GARBAGE MAKES US? DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT ALL THIS GARBAGE MAKES US?
227 00:12:10,197 00:12:12,032 - EH, GARBAGE MEN? - EH, GARBAGE MEN?
228 00:12:12,099 00:12:15,435 - NO. GARBAGE WINNERS! - NO. GARBAGE WINNERS!