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# | Start | End | Original | Translated |
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1 | 00:00:06,900 | 00:00:08,166 | (cool jazz music) | (cool jazz music) |
2 | 00:00:08,233 | 00:00:10,233 | MARK: John Hunchman and David Purefoy. | MARK: John Hunchman and David Purefoy. |
3 | 00:00:10,300 | 00:00:11,433 | How you boys been? | How you boys been? |
4 | 00:00:11,500 | 00:00:13,666 | Man, oh, man, look at you guys. | Man, oh, man, look at you guys. |
5 | 00:00:13,733 | 00:00:15,000 | Hunchman, you still got | Hunchman, you still got |
6 | 00:00:15,066 | 00:00:16,600 | that backpack with pink stripes? | that backpack with pink stripes? |
7 | 00:00:16,666 | 00:00:17,966 | You know, the one from the eighth grade? | You know, the one from the eighth grade? |
8 | 00:00:18,033 | 00:00:19,033 | ‐Uh‐huh. ‐Remember that one? | ‐Uh‐huh. ‐Remember that one? |
9 | 00:00:19,100 | 00:00:20,933 | As I've told you before, no, I do not. | As I've told you before, no, I do not. |
10 | 00:00:21,000 | 00:00:22,366 | (laughs) | (laughs) |
11 | 00:00:22,433 | 00:00:24,200 | We used to kill him over that backpack, huh, Dave? | We used to kill him over that backpack, huh, Dave? |
12 | 00:00:24,266 | 00:00:25,400 | ‐(chuckles) ‐Right? | ‐(chuckles) ‐Right? |
13 | 00:00:25,466 | 00:00:27,733 | Damn, pink stripes, you kidding me? | Damn, pink stripes, you kidding me? |
14 | 00:00:27,800 | 00:00:29,166 | ‐On a backpack? ‐Yeah. | ‐On a backpack? ‐Yeah. |
15 | 00:00:29,233 | 00:00:30,966 | Those pink stripes were pretty bad. | Those pink stripes were pretty bad. |
16 | 00:00:31,033 | 00:00:32,500 | Hey, what's new with you, Pure‐if? | Hey, what's new with you, Pure‐if? |
17 | 00:00:32,566 | 00:00:34,300 | ‐What's up? ‐You know, I'm chilling. | ‐What's up? ‐You know, I'm chilling. |
18 | 00:00:34,366 | 00:00:36,933 | I got a cool thing going with a lady. | I got a cool thing going with a lady. |
19 | 00:00:37,000 | 00:00:40,233 | Oh, prithee do tell, young lad. | Oh, prithee do tell, young lad. |
20 | 00:00:40,300 | 00:00:41,600 | Ugh, prithee no thank you. | Ugh, prithee no thank you. |
21 | 00:00:41,666 | 00:00:45,266 | Casual, hot, don't have to spend money on her. | Casual, hot, don't have to spend money on her. |
22 | 00:00:45,333 | 00:00:47,833 | ‐Don't have to spend the night. ‐Real chivalrous, David. | ‐Don't have to spend the night. ‐Real chivalrous, David. |
23 | 00:00:47,900 | 00:00:49,366 | And she's a total freak too. | And she's a total freak too. |
24 | 00:00:49,433 | 00:00:53,133 | She had me take one of those big, blue ceramic dogs‐‐ | She had me take one of those big, blue ceramic dogs‐‐ |
25 | 00:00:53,200 | 00:00:54,533 | ‐Hey, old man. ‐Uh‐‐ | ‐Hey, old man. ‐Uh‐‐ |
26 | 00:00:54,600 | 00:00:56,666 | No one wants to hear about your sex life | No one wants to hear about your sex life |
27 | 00:00:56,733 | 00:00:57,900 | with your droopy balls. | with your droopy balls. |
28 | 00:00:57,966 | 00:00:59,300 | Wait, who are you again? | Wait, who are you again? |
29 | 00:00:59,366 | 00:01:01,966 | I'm Lance, and don't you forget the name. | I'm Lance, and don't you forget the name. |
30 | 00:01:02,033 | 00:01:03,500 | It's Lance. | It's Lance. |
31 | 00:01:03,566 | 00:01:06,000 | Uh, Lance is my client. He's the reason y'all are here. | Uh, Lance is my client. He's the reason y'all are here. |
32 | 00:01:06,066 | 00:01:07,400 | I pay y'all by the hour, right? | I pay y'all by the hour, right? |
33 | 00:01:07,466 | 00:01:09,466 | So stop wasting my time with this bullshit | So stop wasting my time with this bullshit |
34 | 00:01:09,533 | 00:01:11,633 | about pink backpacks and whatever skank | about pink backpacks and whatever skank |
35 | 00:01:11,700 | 00:01:13,200 | this old‐ass loser's hooking up with. | this old‐ass loser's hooking up with. |
36 | 00:01:13,266 | 00:01:15,033 | Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, she's not a skank. | Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, she's not a skank. |
37 | 00:01:15,100 | 00:01:17,500 | Uh, she's with you, right? So she's a skank. | Uh, she's with you, right? So she's a skank. |
38 | 00:01:17,566 | 00:01:20,600 | Okay, okay, settle down, Lance. Just relax. | Okay, okay, settle down, Lance. Just relax. |
39 | 00:01:20,666 | 00:01:24,833 | Uh, look, Lance, why don't you explain your situation | Uh, look, Lance, why don't you explain your situation |
40 | 00:01:24,900 | 00:01:26,533 | to our colleagues. | to our colleagues. |
41 | 00:01:26,600 | 00:01:29,566 | Pay attention. | Pay attention. |
42 | 00:01:29,633 | 00:01:33,066 | Me and my mom live alone. Someone's harassing us. | Me and my mom live alone. Someone's harassing us. |
43 | 00:01:33,133 | 00:01:34,500 | It happens at night. | It happens at night. |
44 | 00:01:34,566 | 00:01:35,700 | (wood crashes) | (wood crashes) |
45 | 00:01:35,766 | 00:01:37,100 | Furniture crashing. | Furniture crashing. |
46 | 00:01:37,166 | 00:01:38,100 | (floor creaking) | (floor creaking) |
47 | 00:01:38,166 | 00:01:40,300 | Creaky floor. | Creaky floor. |
48 | 00:01:40,366 | 00:01:42,800 | Drippy faucet even though I turned that shit off. | Drippy faucet even though I turned that shit off. |
49 | 00:01:42,866 | 00:01:44,033 | (ghostly moan) | (ghostly moan) |
50 | 00:01:44,100 | 00:01:46,133 | Creepy moaning. ‐Uh‐huh. | Creepy moaning. ‐Uh‐huh. |
51 | 00:01:46,200 | 00:01:47,266 | You know, it sounds like it could be a‐‐ | You know, it sounds like it could be a‐‐ |
52 | 00:01:47,333 | 00:01:49,200 | A ghost? Yeah, no duh. | A ghost? Yeah, no duh. |
53 | 00:01:49,266 | 00:01:51,000 | It's a ghost. ‐I was gonna say your mom. | It's a ghost. ‐I was gonna say your mom. |
54 | 00:01:51,066 | 00:01:52,200 | What'd you say about my mom? | What'd you say about my mom? |
55 | 00:01:52,266 | 00:01:53,233 | DAVID: No, I don't mean it like that. | DAVID: No, I don't mean it like that. |
56 | 00:01:53,300 | 00:01:54,700 | You think my mom is a ghost? | You think my mom is a ghost? |
57 | 00:01:54,766 | 00:01:55,800 | No, I'm just saying‐‐ | No, I'm just saying‐‐ |
58 | 00:01:55,866 | 00:01:57,800 | She works two jobs just to provide for me. | She works two jobs just to provide for me. |
59 | 00:01:57,866 | 00:02:00,700 | Keep talking 'bout my mom. See what happens. | Keep talking 'bout my mom. See what happens. |
60 | 00:02:00,766 | 00:02:03,033 | Oh, okay, easy, son, easy. | Oh, okay, easy, son, easy. |
61 | 00:02:03,100 | 00:02:04,733 | Damn, we got a live one here, boys. | Damn, we got a live one here, boys. |
62 | 00:02:04,800 | 00:02:06,033 | (chuckles) | (chuckles) |
63 | 00:02:06,100 | 00:02:07,900 | I'll straight murk you, you Angela Lansbury, | I'll straight murk you, you Angela Lansbury, |
64 | 00:02:07,966 | 00:02:09,000 | old‐ass looking bitch. | old‐ass looking bitch. |
65 | 00:02:09,066 | 00:02:11,100 | Okay, okay, let's focus please. | Okay, okay, let's focus please. |
66 | 00:02:11,166 | 00:02:12,966 | Uh, Taggy, what do you want us to do? | Uh, Taggy, what do you want us to do? |
67 | 00:02:13,033 | 00:02:14,633 | Well, serve papers like always. | Well, serve papers like always. |
68 | 00:02:14,700 | 00:02:17,533 | Well, okay, but to whom are we serving these papers? | Well, okay, but to whom are we serving these papers? |
69 | 00:02:17,600 | 00:02:20,066 | To the ghost. Damn, y'all are dense. | To the ghost. Damn, y'all are dense. |
70 | 00:02:20,133 | 00:02:21,500 | What, seriously? | What, seriously? |
71 | 00:02:21,566 | 00:02:24,966 | My mom says it's a ghost, and I always protect my mom, | My mom says it's a ghost, and I always protect my mom, |
72 | 00:02:25,033 | 00:02:26,566 | so I'm suing it. | so I'm suing it. |
73 | 00:02:26,633 | 00:02:30,033 | First ever ghost lawsuit‐‐ lawyer hall of fame, me. | First ever ghost lawsuit‐‐ lawyer hall of fame, me. |
74 | 00:02:30,100 | 00:02:31,600 | ♪♪ ♪♪ | ♪♪ ♪♪ |
75 | 00:02:31,666 | 00:02:32,633 | Okay. | Okay. |
76 | 00:02:32,700 | 00:02:33,933 | You know Kendra at Skull and Sage? | You know Kendra at Skull and Sage? |
77 | 00:02:34,000 | 00:02:36,433 | Yeah, the dumb new age shop where dog food city used to be. | Yeah, the dumb new age shop where dog food city used to be. |
78 | 00:02:36,500 | 00:02:38,866 | Oh, don't say "new age" around Kendra. | Oh, don't say "new age" around Kendra. |
79 | 00:02:38,933 | 00:02:40,566 | She'll put a hex on your ass. | She'll put a hex on your ass. |
80 | 00:02:40,633 | 00:02:43,066 | Anyway, Kendra's got one of them thingamajigs | Anyway, Kendra's got one of them thingamajigs |
81 | 00:02:43,133 | 00:02:45,033 | for texting with ghosts and witches and whatnot. | for texting with ghosts and witches and whatnot. |
82 | 00:02:45,100 | 00:02:46,166 | You're talking about a Woojoo board? | You're talking about a Woojoo board? |
83 | 00:02:46,233 | 00:02:47,266 | MARK: Yeah, that's it. | MARK: Yeah, that's it. |
84 | 00:02:47,333 | 00:02:48,233 | (chuckles) This is ridiculous. | (chuckles) This is ridiculous. |
85 | 00:02:48,300 | 00:02:50,233 | ‐What'd you say? ‐Um, nothing. | ‐What'd you say? ‐Um, nothing. |
86 | 00:02:50,300 | 00:02:51,966 | All right, here's the summons. | All right, here's the summons. |
87 | 00:02:52,033 | 00:02:53,566 | Lance'll take you boys to his house | Lance'll take you boys to his house |
88 | 00:02:53,633 | 00:02:56,333 | once it's dark out. Kendra will meet you there. | once it's dark out. Kendra will meet you there. |
89 | 00:02:56,400 | 00:02:59,733 | Use her Woojoo board to contact the ghost, then serve him | Use her Woojoo board to contact the ghost, then serve him |
90 | 00:02:59,800 | 00:03:01,866 | and tell that undead, see‐through son of a gun | and tell that undead, see‐through son of a gun |
91 | 00:03:01,933 | 00:03:04,600 | I'll be seeing him in court. What could go wrong? | I'll be seeing him in court. What could go wrong? |
92 | 00:03:04,666 | 00:03:05,566 | (thunder crashes) | (thunder crashes) |
93 | 00:03:05,633 | 00:03:08,566 | (dramatic music) | (dramatic music) |
94 | 00:03:08,633 | 00:03:11,733 | ♪♪ ♪♪ | ♪♪ ♪♪ |
95 | 00:03:11,800 | 00:03:15,300 | So, Lance, what grade are you in? | So, Lance, what grade are you in? |
96 | 00:03:15,366 | 00:03:17,066 | You know what sucks about this ghost? | You know what sucks about this ghost? |
97 | 00:03:17,133 | 00:03:18,866 | I can't physically beat the shit out of it | I can't physically beat the shit out of it |
98 | 00:03:18,933 | 00:03:21,433 | because it's mist or some shit. | because it's mist or some shit. |
99 | 00:03:21,500 | 00:03:25,033 | Oh, I would love to just wail on this motherfucker. | Oh, I would love to just wail on this motherfucker. |
100 | 00:03:25,100 | 00:03:26,400 | Dude, I hear you. It's just‐‐ | Dude, I hear you. It's just‐‐ |
101 | 00:03:26,466 | 00:03:28,100 | ‐Man, shut up. ‐Okay. | ‐Man, shut up. ‐Okay. |
102 | 00:03:28,166 | 00:03:30,466 | Wish I still had my butterfly knife. | Wish I still had my butterfly knife. |
103 | 00:03:30,533 | 00:03:31,366 | I don't. | I don't. |
104 | 00:03:31,433 | 00:03:32,733 | ‐Take a right here. ‐Okay. | ‐Take a right here. ‐Okay. |
105 | 00:03:32,800 | 00:03:33,700 | Last house on the left. | Last house on the left. |
106 | 00:03:33,766 | 00:03:35,533 | (owl hoots) | (owl hoots) |
107 | 00:03:35,600 | 00:03:37,166 | ♪♪ ♪♪ | ♪♪ ♪♪ |
108 | 00:03:37,233 | 00:03:39,266 | Uh, are you sure this is it, Lance? | Uh, are you sure this is it, Lance? |
109 | 00:03:39,333 | 00:03:41,333 | (chuckles) Yes, I'm sure. | (chuckles) Yes, I'm sure. |
110 | 00:03:41,400 | 00:03:43,200 | It's my damn house where I live, | It's my damn house where I live, |
111 | 00:03:43,266 | 00:03:45,766 | you stupid fucking piece of shit. | you stupid fucking piece of shit. |
112 | 00:03:47,000 | 00:03:48,600 | There's Kendra. Let's go. | There's Kendra. Let's go. |
113 | 00:03:48,666 | 00:03:49,800 | John, I gotta tell you something. | John, I gotta tell you something. |
114 | 00:03:49,866 | 00:03:52,133 | No, David, not now. Let's just get this over with. | No, David, not now. Let's just get this over with. |
115 | 00:03:52,200 | 00:03:54,233 | It's bad. It's gonna be bad. | It's bad. It's gonna be bad. |
116 | 00:03:54,300 | 00:03:56,266 | David, relax. It's gonna be fine. | David, relax. It's gonna be fine. |
117 | 00:03:56,333 | 00:03:58,233 | Hey, y'all. I'm Kendra. | Hey, y'all. I'm Kendra. |
118 | 00:03:58,300 | 00:03:59,966 | You ready for your Woojoo session? | You ready for your Woojoo session? |
119 | 00:04:00,033 | 00:04:01,100 | Ah, well, if we said no, | Ah, well, if we said no, |
120 | 00:04:01,166 | 00:04:02,700 | "Woojoo" hold it against us, Kendra? | "Woojoo" hold it against us, Kendra? |
121 | 00:04:02,766 | 00:04:03,700 | (chuckles) | (chuckles) |
122 | 00:04:03,766 | 00:04:05,166 | Please don't joke. | Please don't joke. |
123 | 00:04:05,233 | 00:04:07,166 | Humor is a sign of spiritual weakness. | Humor is a sign of spiritual weakness. |
124 | 00:04:07,233 | 00:04:08,400 | (groans quietly) | (groans quietly) |
125 | 00:04:08,466 | 00:04:09,666 | We wanna have a successful session. | We wanna have a successful session. |
126 | 00:04:09,733 | 00:04:11,233 | Come on, attic's upstairs. | Come on, attic's upstairs. |
127 | 00:04:11,300 | 00:04:12,533 | (spooky music) | (spooky music) |
128 | 00:04:12,600 | 00:04:15,033 | Ooh, I wanna go home. | Ooh, I wanna go home. |
129 | 00:04:15,100 | 00:04:17,400 | ♪♪ ♪♪ | ♪♪ ♪♪ |
130 | 00:04:17,466 | 00:04:18,666 | (thunder cracks) | (thunder cracks) |
131 | 00:04:18,733 | 00:04:22,000 | So tonight we'll be using this Woojoo board | So tonight we'll be using this Woojoo board |
132 | 00:04:22,066 | 00:04:24,000 | made from sustainably forested cedar. | made from sustainably forested cedar. |
133 | 00:04:24,066 | 00:04:24,966 | Sure. | Sure. |
134 | 00:04:25,033 | 00:04:26,500 | It's paired with these hematite crystals | It's paired with these hematite crystals |
135 | 00:04:26,566 | 00:04:28,266 | and this locally sourced goat's blood. | and this locally sourced goat's blood. |
136 | 00:04:28,333 | 00:04:30,266 | ‐All right, that's disgusting. ‐Whoa. | ‐All right, that's disgusting. ‐Whoa. |
137 | 00:04:30,333 | 00:04:33,900 | This is to purify our intention. | This is to purify our intention. |
138 | 00:04:33,966 | 00:04:36,066 | ‐What is this exactly? ‐Fairy pus. | ‐What is this exactly? ‐Fairy pus. |
139 | 00:04:36,133 | 00:04:37,233 | ‐Oh! ‐Ugh, okay. | ‐Oh! ‐Ugh, okay. |
140 | 00:04:37,300 | 00:04:38,233 | Don't worry. It's organic. | Don't worry. It's organic. |
141 | 00:04:38,300 | 00:04:39,600 | That's not my concern. | That's not my concern. |
142 | 00:04:39,666 | 00:04:41,600 | ‐Place your fingers like this. ‐JOHN: Ugh. | ‐Place your fingers like this. ‐JOHN: Ugh. |
143 | 00:04:41,666 | 00:04:44,866 | Remember, don't move it. The spirit does. | Remember, don't move it. The spirit does. |
144 | 00:04:44,933 | 00:04:47,233 | ‐Empty your intention. ‐Okay. | ‐Empty your intention. ‐Okay. |
145 | 00:04:47,300 | 00:04:48,633 | ‐Sure. ‐Done. | ‐Sure. ‐Done. |
146 | 00:04:48,700 | 00:04:50,966 | No, hang on, I haven't emptied my intention yet, David. | No, hang on, I haven't emptied my intention yet, David. |
147 | 00:04:51,033 | 00:04:52,466 | ‐Come on, hurry up. ‐Wait, please. | ‐Come on, hurry up. ‐Wait, please. |
148 | 00:04:52,533 | 00:04:54,000 | How hard is it not to think about anything? | How hard is it not to think about anything? |
149 | 00:04:54,066 | 00:04:55,066 | Just empty your goddamn... ‐Stop. | Just empty your goddamn... ‐Stop. |
150 | 00:04:55,133 | 00:04:56,133 | ‐Intention! ‐Stop interrupting. | ‐Intention! ‐Stop interrupting. |
151 | 00:04:56,200 | 00:04:57,133 | ‐Let's go! ‐I wanna do it right. | ‐Let's go! ‐I wanna do it right. |
152 | 00:04:57,200 | 00:04:58,966 | Just wait for me. (chuckles) | Just wait for me. (chuckles) |
153 | 00:04:59,033 | 00:05:01,066 | And there we go. Now it's empty. | And there we go. Now it's empty. |
154 | 00:05:01,133 | 00:05:02,366 | Such a dick. | Such a dick. |
155 | 00:05:03,266 | 00:05:04,966 | (sighs) Do you feel it? | (sighs) Do you feel it? |
156 | 00:05:05,033 | 00:05:06,200 | ‐Feel what? ‐Feel what? | ‐Feel what? ‐Feel what? |
157 | 00:05:06,266 | 00:05:09,366 | The sacred portal opening. Begin. | The sacred portal opening. Begin. |
158 | 00:05:09,433 | 00:05:11,466 | ‐May I please speak to the‐‐ ‐Please don't yell. | ‐May I please speak to the‐‐ ‐Please don't yell. |
159 | 00:05:11,533 | 00:05:12,800 | ‐Oh. ‐Please don't yell. | ‐Oh. ‐Please don't yell. |
160 | 00:05:12,866 | 00:05:14,000 | ‐Excuse me. ‐Thank you. | ‐Excuse me. ‐Thank you. |
161 | 00:05:14,066 | 00:05:15,833 | Um, may I please speak to the entity | Um, may I please speak to the entity |
162 | 00:05:15,900 | 00:05:17,800 | residing at the home of Lance DeLuca? | residing at the home of Lance DeLuca? |
163 | 00:05:17,866 | 00:05:19,366 | Hello? Oh, whoa. | Hello? Oh, whoa. |
164 | 00:05:19,433 | 00:05:21,566 | I am | I am |
165 | 00:05:21,633 | 00:05:25,633 | the g‐gho‐‐ | the g‐gho‐‐ |
166 | 00:05:25,700 | 00:05:27,800 | ghost. | ghost. |
167 | 00:05:27,866 | 00:05:29,366 | I am the ghost? | I am the ghost? |
168 | 00:05:29,433 | 00:05:32,066 | ‐Good Lord, it worked. ‐Told you. | ‐Good Lord, it worked. ‐Told you. |
169 | 00:05:32,133 | 00:05:35,000 | Okay, uh, ghost, you've been served. | Okay, uh, ghost, you've been served. |
170 | 00:05:35,066 | 00:05:36,533 | You should hire a lawyer. | You should hire a lawyer. |
171 | 00:05:36,600 | 00:05:37,633 | Boom! | Boom! |
172 | 00:05:37,700 | 00:05:39,633 | How you like that, ghost? | How you like that, ghost? |
173 | 00:05:39,700 | 00:05:40,933 | (scream) | (scream) |
174 | 00:05:41,000 | 00:05:43,933 | (wood creaking) | (wood creaking) |
175 | 00:05:44,000 | 00:05:46,500 | ♪♪ ♪♪ | ♪♪ ♪♪ |
176 | 00:05:46,566 | 00:05:48,066 | Babe, I'm home! | Babe, I'm home! |
177 | 00:05:48,133 | 00:05:50,100 | (gasps) That's my mom! | (gasps) That's my mom! |
178 | 00:05:50,166 | 00:05:51,266 | We're up here, Mommy. | We're up here, Mommy. |
179 | 00:05:51,333 | 00:05:52,733 | ‐Dude, it was me. ‐What? | ‐Dude, it was me. ‐What? |
180 | 00:05:52,800 | 00:05:53,900 | I am the ghost. | I am the ghost. |
181 | 00:05:53,966 | 00:05:55,366 | I recognized the house when we pulled up. | I recognized the house when we pulled up. |
182 | 00:05:55,433 | 00:05:57,400 | Lance's mom is the lady I've been hooking up with. | Lance's mom is the lady I've been hooking up with. |
183 | 00:05:57,466 | 00:05:59,400 | Oh, you‐‐you were moving the Wooj‐‐‐ | Oh, you‐‐you were moving the Wooj‐‐‐ |
184 | 00:05:59,466 | 00:06:03,133 | ‐DAVID: Yes. ‐JOHN: Oh, oh, okay, wow. | ‐DAVID: Yes. ‐JOHN: Oh, oh, okay, wow. |
185 | 00:06:03,200 | 00:06:04,333 | The furniture crashing‐‐ | The furniture crashing‐‐ |
186 | 00:06:04,400 | 00:06:05,866 | DAVID: It's probably when we had coitus | DAVID: It's probably when we had coitus |
187 | 00:06:05,933 | 00:06:08,000 | in this old, wooden chair. He must have heard it. | in this old, wooden chair. He must have heard it. |
188 | 00:06:08,066 | 00:06:09,133 | JOHN: Creaky floor? | JOHN: Creaky floor? |
189 | 00:06:09,200 | 00:06:10,133 | DAVID: It's probably me walking | DAVID: It's probably me walking |
190 | 00:06:10,200 | 00:06:11,600 | to the bathroom after coitus. | to the bathroom after coitus. |
191 | 00:06:11,666 | 00:06:13,166 | JOHN: Drippy faucet even though‐‐ | JOHN: Drippy faucet even though‐‐ |
192 | 00:06:13,233 | 00:06:15,533 | DAVID: I probably didn't turn off the water after coitus. | DAVID: I probably didn't turn off the water after coitus. |
193 | 00:06:15,600 | 00:06:19,100 | Okay, and the creepy moaning? That was you during coitus? | Okay, and the creepy moaning? That was you during coitus? |
194 | 00:06:19,166 | 00:06:21,066 | Uh, no, actually, it's me moaning | Uh, no, actually, it's me moaning |
195 | 00:06:21,133 | 00:06:23,066 | when Tracey said no cuddling and kicked me out | when Tracey said no cuddling and kicked me out |
196 | 00:06:23,133 | 00:06:24,433 | and said I had to go home. | and said I had to go home. |
197 | 00:06:24,500 | 00:06:26,233 | But I thought you were just using her for sex and‐‐ | But I thought you were just using her for sex and‐‐ |
198 | 00:06:26,300 | 00:06:27,966 | It's more complicated than that. | It's more complicated than that. |
199 | 00:06:28,033 | 00:06:29,133 | ‐I don't‐‐ ‐Oh, okay. | ‐I don't‐‐ ‐Oh, okay. |
200 | 00:06:29,200 | 00:06:30,733 | Look, the point is, Lance already hates me. | Look, the point is, Lance already hates me. |
201 | 00:06:30,800 | 00:06:32,366 | If he finds out I've been screwing his mommy‐‐ | If he finds out I've been screwing his mommy‐‐ |
202 | 00:06:32,433 | 00:06:34,433 | ‐Ugh. ‐I gotta go. | ‐Ugh. ‐I gotta go. |
203 | 00:06:34,500 | 00:06:36,966 | Lance, honey, what are you doing up here? | Lance, honey, what are you doing up here? |
204 | 00:06:37,033 | 00:06:40,266 | Shh, shh, everything's gonna be okay. | Shh, shh, everything's gonna be okay. |
205 | 00:06:40,333 | 00:06:43,000 | We had a séance. No more ghosts. | We had a séance. No more ghosts. |
206 | 00:06:43,066 | 00:06:45,333 | ‐Jesus, what is that? ‐What? | ‐Jesus, what is that? ‐What? |
207 | 00:06:45,400 | 00:06:47,066 | (gasps) It's him! | (gasps) It's him! |
208 | 00:06:47,133 | 00:06:48,566 | (thunder cracks) | (thunder cracks) |
209 | 00:06:48,633 | 00:06:50,666 | Stand back, people. (cracks knuckles) | Stand back, people. (cracks knuckles) |
210 | 00:06:50,733 | 00:06:52,300 | I'm 'bout to beat up a ghost. | I'm 'bout to beat up a ghost. |
211 | 00:06:52,366 | 00:06:54,000 | Lance, no! ‐TRACEY: Oh, Lance, baby, no. | Lance, no! ‐TRACEY: Oh, Lance, baby, no. |
212 | 00:06:54,066 | 00:06:55,433 | Not again. DAVID: Ow! | Not again. DAVID: Ow! |
213 | 00:06:55,500 | 00:06:57,033 | TRACEY: Lance, no, no, no. ‐(grunts) | TRACEY: Lance, no, no, no. ‐(grunts) |
214 | 00:06:57,100 | 00:06:59,766 | ‐DAVID: (moaning) ‐Wait, who is this? | ‐DAVID: (moaning) ‐Wait, who is this? |
215 | 00:06:59,833 | 00:07:02,433 | ALL: (gasp) David Purefoy! | ALL: (gasp) David Purefoy! |
216 | 00:07:02,500 | 00:07:03,900 | Fuck! | Fuck! |
217 | 00:07:03,966 | 00:07:06,366 | ‐Hi, Tracey. ‐What is going on? | ‐Hi, Tracey. ‐What is going on? |
218 | 00:07:06,433 | 00:07:08,733 | Well, you told me all those noises I was hearing | Well, you told me all those noises I was hearing |
219 | 00:07:08,800 | 00:07:10,500 | at night were from a ghost. | at night were from a ghost. |
220 | 00:07:10,566 | 00:07:12,966 | I wanted to protect you, so I sued it. | I wanted to protect you, so I sued it. |
221 | 00:07:13,033 | 00:07:14,866 | ‐Sued who now? ‐The ghost. | ‐Sued who now? ‐The ghost. |
222 | 00:07:14,933 | 00:07:18,566 | ‐Duh, Mommy. ‐Oh...wow. | ‐Duh, Mommy. ‐Oh...wow. |
223 | 00:07:18,633 | 00:07:21,333 | Wait a second. How do you know this pervert? | Wait a second. How do you know this pervert? |
224 | 00:07:21,400 | 00:07:23,166 | Well, now, it's complicated. | Well, now, it's complicated. |
225 | 00:07:23,233 | 00:07:24,666 | (sighs) Do you guys have some ice? | (sighs) Do you guys have some ice? |
226 | 00:07:24,733 | 00:07:25,700 | ‐Hold up. ‐Ow. | ‐Hold up. ‐Ow. |
227 | 00:07:25,766 | 00:07:28,466 | Somebody tell me what the fuck is going on. | Somebody tell me what the fuck is going on. |
228 | 00:07:28,533 | 00:07:30,566 | Okay, honey, you remember when Mommy | Okay, honey, you remember when Mommy |
229 | 00:07:30,633 | 00:07:32,233 | was crying by herself in the bathroom | was crying by herself in the bathroom |
230 | 00:07:32,300 | 00:07:33,700 | about two weeks ago? | about two weeks ago? |
231 | 00:07:33,766 | 00:07:37,266 | Huh, and to think there was a brief, stupid moment | Huh, and to think there was a brief, stupid moment |
232 | 00:07:37,333 | 00:07:39,300 | where I actually believed in ghosts. | where I actually believed in ghosts. |
233 | 00:07:39,366 | 00:07:42,166 | Oh, you're too cool to believe in the occult. | Oh, you're too cool to believe in the occult. |
234 | 00:07:42,233 | 00:07:45,233 | No, I believe in human stupidity. | No, I believe in human stupidity. |
235 | 00:07:45,300 | 00:07:47,266 | Exhibit A. Case closed. | Exhibit A. Case closed. |
236 | 00:07:47,333 | 00:07:48,533 | Well, then you won't mind if I put | Well, then you won't mind if I put |
237 | 00:07:48,600 | 00:07:50,700 | a berserker avenging spell on your anus. | a berserker avenging spell on your anus. |
238 | 00:07:50,766 | 00:07:52,266 | (chuckles) Oh, no. | (chuckles) Oh, no. |
239 | 00:07:52,333 | 00:07:54,166 | Knock yourself out. | Knock yourself out. |
240 | 00:07:54,233 | 00:07:55,433 | Herper. Done. | Herper. Done. |
241 | 00:07:55,500 | 00:07:57,066 | ‐That's the whole spell? ‐Yeah. | ‐That's the whole spell? ‐Yeah. |
242 | 00:07:57,133 | 00:07:58,366 | You're in for a long night. | You're in for a long night. |
243 | 00:07:58,433 | 00:07:59,366 | You don't wanna give me a little bit more, | You don't wanna give me a little bit more, |
244 | 00:07:59,433 | 00:08:00,566 | I mean, do a little show? | I mean, do a little show? |
245 | 00:08:00,633 | 00:08:01,733 | LANCE: Wait a second. | LANCE: Wait a second. |
246 | 00:08:01,800 | 00:08:06,433 | You have been fucking my mommy? | You have been fucking my mommy? |
247 | 00:08:11,133 | 00:08:12,733 | (cool jazz music) | (cool jazz music) |
248 | 00:08:12,800 | 00:08:16,533 | Getting punched by a teenager is a total bummer. | Getting punched by a teenager is a total bummer. |
249 | 00:08:16,600 | 00:08:18,800 | Oh, well, come on, David. It's not that bad. | Oh, well, come on, David. It's not that bad. |
250 | 00:08:18,866 | 00:08:22,566 | Tracey literally told Lance I was a ghost | Tracey literally told Lance I was a ghost |
251 | 00:08:22,633 | 00:08:25,033 | rather than acknowledging me as a person | rather than acknowledging me as a person |
252 | 00:08:25,100 | 00:08:26,433 | because she was, like, ashamed of me. | because she was, like, ashamed of me. |
253 | 00:08:26,500 | 00:08:28,133 | Yeah, it must be very hard for you. | Yeah, it must be very hard for you. |
254 | 00:08:28,200 | 00:08:30,400 | And I really liked her too. (growls) | And I really liked her too. (growls) |
255 | 00:08:30,466 | 00:08:32,466 | It's like all I have to look forward to now | It's like all I have to look forward to now |
256 | 00:08:32,533 | 00:08:34,933 | is, like, getting older and older | is, like, getting older and older |
257 | 00:08:35,000 | 00:08:38,166 | and meeting divorced ladies and getting a crush on 'em | and meeting divorced ladies and getting a crush on 'em |
258 | 00:08:38,233 | 00:08:41,166 | and then getting wailed on by their children? | and then getting wailed on by their children? |
259 | 00:08:41,233 | 00:08:42,766 | Like, I'm just gonna keep doing this | Like, I'm just gonna keep doing this |
260 | 00:08:42,833 | 00:08:45,566 | until I'm 200 years old, and then I'm an actual ghost, | until I'm 200 years old, and then I'm an actual ghost, |
261 | 00:08:45,633 | 00:08:46,900 | and then no one's gonna wanna fuck me | and then no one's gonna wanna fuck me |
262 | 00:08:46,966 | 00:08:48,366 | 'cause it's, like, fucking a ghost | 'cause it's, like, fucking a ghost |
263 | 00:08:48,433 | 00:08:50,300 | is like fucking the stuff that comes out of a humidifier? | is like fucking the stuff that comes out of a humidifier? |
264 | 00:08:50,366 | 00:08:52,000 | Like, what? This is my life? | Like, what? This is my life? |
265 | 00:08:52,066 | 00:08:54,266 | Uh‐huh, even though she treated you exactly | Uh‐huh, even though she treated you exactly |
266 | 00:08:54,333 | 00:08:56,333 | the same way you bragged about treating her. | the same way you bragged about treating her. |
267 | 00:08:56,400 | 00:08:58,000 | (chuckles) This must be very hard for you. | (chuckles) This must be very hard for you. |
268 | 00:08:58,066 | 00:08:59,466 | Dude, what is your problem? | Dude, what is your problem? |
269 | 00:08:59,533 | 00:09:02,033 | I can't stand it! My ass itches so bad. | I can't stand it! My ass itches so bad. |
270 | 00:09:02,100 | 00:09:03,133 | (laughs) | (laughs) |
271 | 00:09:03,200 | 00:09:05,500 | ‐I'm literally butthurt. ‐Yes. | ‐I'm literally butthurt. ‐Yes. |
272 | 00:09:05,566 | 00:09:09,566 | I know why‐‐because a witch said she was gonna put | I know why‐‐because a witch said she was gonna put |
273 | 00:09:09,633 | 00:09:11,733 | a berserker revenging spell on your anus. | a berserker revenging spell on your anus. |
274 | 00:09:11,800 | 00:09:14,033 | I probably ate something spicy is all. | I probably ate something spicy is all. |
275 | 00:09:14,100 | 00:09:15,266 | You know what? | You know what? |
276 | 00:09:15,333 | 00:09:16,366 | I'm glad that I'm not the only one hurting | I'm glad that I'm not the only one hurting |
277 | 00:09:16,433 | 00:09:18,166 | on this houseboat deck. Thank you. | on this houseboat deck. Thank you. |
278 | 00:09:18,233 | 00:09:19,966 | Oh, I'm glad I could cheer you up with my ass itching. | Oh, I'm glad I could cheer you up with my ass itching. |
279 | 00:09:20,033 | 00:09:21,333 | Bro, you're a true friend. | Bro, you're a true friend. |
280 | 00:09:21,400 | 00:09:23,266 | And thank your anus too. Your butt is a true friend. | And thank your anus too. Your butt is a true friend. |
281 | 00:09:23,333 | 00:09:26,333 | Uh, David, will you please go get the cream from my bathroom? | Uh, David, will you please go get the cream from my bathroom? |
282 | 00:09:27,466 | 00:09:28,700 | No. | No. |