# Start End Original Translated
1 00:00:06,540 00:00:07,708 JOHN: David, what are you doing? JOHN: David, what are you doing?
2 00:00:07,774 00:00:08,975 DAVID: Shut up. Dude, just shut up. DAVID: Shut up. Dude, just shut up.
3 00:00:09,042 00:00:10,577 Just wait. Just wait.
4 00:00:10,644 00:00:12,012 Ahh... Ahh...
5 00:00:12,078 00:00:14,080 ahh‐ahh... ahh‐ahh...
6 00:00:14,147 00:00:15,248 Oh, no, you're doing that thing. Oh, no, you're doing that thing.
7 00:00:15,315 00:00:16,550 It's not working. You know, back in the day, It's not working. You know, back in the day,
8 00:00:16,617 00:00:18,519 if you held a slice of cafeteria pizza like this, if you held a slice of cafeteria pizza like this,
9 00:00:18,585 00:00:20,453 everything would slide off into your mouth like a mudslide. everything would slide off into your mouth like a mudslide.
10 00:00:20,521 00:00:21,454 It was delicious. It was delicious.
11 00:00:21,522 00:00:22,856 The gastronomy club petitioned them The gastronomy club petitioned them
12 00:00:22,923 00:00:23,990 to use better tomato paste. to use better tomato paste.
13 00:00:24,057 00:00:25,425 Oh, there you go. Oh, there you go.
14 00:00:25,491 00:00:27,227 Sustained activism is the key to social progress. Sustained activism is the key to social progress.
15 00:00:27,293 00:00:28,629 Well, you ruined pizza chugging. Well, you ruined pizza chugging.
16 00:00:28,695 00:00:29,630 Congratulations. Congratulations.
17 00:00:29,696 00:00:30,797 Okay, look, we're not technically Okay, look, we're not technically
18 00:00:30,864 00:00:32,065 supposed to be on school property at all, supposed to be on school property at all,
19 00:00:32,132 00:00:33,166 so let's get down to it. so let's get down to it.
20 00:00:33,233 00:00:34,234 How can we help you? How can we help you?
21 00:00:34,300 00:00:35,602 Have y'all ever heard of Party Pines? Have y'all ever heard of Party Pines?
22 00:00:35,669 00:00:37,538 Kids party there on the weekend. Kids party there on the weekend.
23 00:00:37,604 00:00:39,072 Oh, yes. Oh, yes.
24 00:00:39,139 00:00:41,508 Yes, we're familiar with Party Pines. Yes, we're familiar with Party Pines.
25 00:00:41,575 00:00:43,043 ‐Really? ‐What are your names again? ‐Really? ‐What are your names again?
26 00:00:43,109 00:00:44,477 ‐He's Colin. ‐She's Phoebe. ‐He's Colin. ‐She's Phoebe.
27 00:00:44,545 00:00:45,946 All right, Phoebe and Colin, All right, Phoebe and Colin,
28 00:00:46,012 00:00:47,080 I'ma put y'all up on some history. I'ma put y'all up on some history.
29 00:00:47,147 00:00:50,517 I tapped the first‐ever keg at Party Pines. I tapped the first‐ever keg at Party Pines.
30 00:00:50,584 00:00:52,485 Me and my bros founded that place. Me and my bros founded that place.
31 00:00:52,553 00:00:54,154 It's like going up to Christopher Columbus It's like going up to Christopher Columbus
32 00:00:54,220 00:00:55,922 and saying, "Oh, have you heard about this place? and saying, "Oh, have you heard about this place?
33 00:00:55,989 00:00:57,323 "It's really great. It's called America. "It's really great. It's called America.
34 00:00:57,390 00:00:58,692 I think you would like it." He's like, I think you would like it." He's like,
35 00:00:58,759 00:01:01,261 "Yeah, I know all about it. I'm the one who invented it." "Yeah, I know all about it. I'm the one who invented it."
36 00:01:01,327 00:01:02,295 ‐Why that acc‐‐ ‐'Cause he's Italian. ‐Why that acc‐‐ ‐'Cause he's Italian.
37 00:01:02,362 00:01:03,496 ‐Oh, God. ‐Yeah. ‐Oh, God. ‐Yeah.
38 00:01:03,564 00:01:05,198 So you're Christopher Columbus? So you're Christopher Columbus?
39 00:01:05,265 00:01:07,000 Yeah, if he did upside‐down beer bongs Yeah, if he did upside‐down beer bongs
40 00:01:07,067 00:01:09,135 on a sick‐ass tire swing he built himself. on a sick‐ass tire swing he built himself.
41 00:01:09,202 00:01:12,773 So you're okay having the blood of genocide on your hands? So you're okay having the blood of genocide on your hands?
42 00:01:12,839 00:01:14,074 Uh, it rules, obviously. Uh, it rules, obviously.
43 00:01:14,140 00:01:15,275 I got a holiday out of it. I got a holiday out of it.
44 00:01:15,341 00:01:16,409 ‐Okay, that's‐‐ ‐I win. ‐Okay, that's‐‐ ‐I win.
45 00:01:16,476 00:01:17,778 ‐All right, Howard Zinn, let's, uh, ‐All right, Howard Zinn, let's, uh,
46 00:01:17,844 00:01:19,445 let's move on to their case, please. let's move on to their case, please.
47 00:01:19,513 00:01:20,781 Anyway, Anyway,
48 00:01:20,847 00:01:22,816 something strange is happening at Party Pines. something strange is happening at Party Pines.
49 00:01:22,883 00:01:23,917 (twig snaps) (twig snaps)
50 00:01:23,984 00:01:25,051 For the last few weeks, For the last few weeks,
51 00:01:25,118 00:01:27,688 there's been a thing in the woods. there's been a thing in the woods.
52 00:01:27,754 00:01:29,723 COLIN: Just standing there watching us. COLIN: Just standing there watching us.
53 00:01:29,790 00:01:32,492 Not to creep‐shame, but it's kind of creepy. Not to creep‐shame, but it's kind of creepy.
54 00:01:32,559 00:01:34,661 (gasps) Dude, I wonder if it's the lurker of Party Pines. (gasps) Dude, I wonder if it's the lurker of Party Pines.
55 00:01:34,728 00:01:35,829 Do you remember him? Do you remember him?
56 00:01:35,896 00:01:37,330 I wouldn't remember the lurker of Party Pines, I wouldn't remember the lurker of Party Pines,
57 00:01:37,397 00:01:40,300 because I was never invited to Party Pines. because I was never invited to Party Pines.
58 00:01:40,366 00:01:42,168 Who's the lurker of Party Pines? Who's the lurker of Party Pines?
59 00:01:42,235 00:01:43,870 Back when we were in high school, Back when we were in high school,
60 00:01:43,937 00:01:46,206 he was this weirdo who hid in the woods he was this weirdo who hid in the woods
61 00:01:46,272 00:01:47,574 and just watched us. and just watched us.
62 00:01:47,641 00:01:50,443 (twig snaps) (twig snaps)
63 00:01:50,511 00:01:51,845 And we all thought maybe he was, like, And we all thought maybe he was, like,
64 00:01:51,912 00:01:54,480 an escaped lunatic from the Dicktown Lunatic Asylum, an escaped lunatic from the Dicktown Lunatic Asylum,
65 00:01:54,548 00:01:56,016 'cause that's where they kept all the lunatics. 'cause that's where they kept all the lunatics.
66 00:01:56,082 00:01:58,151 But that was, like, 50 years ago. But that was, like, 50 years ago.
67 00:01:58,218 00:01:59,385 You think it's the same guy? You think it's the same guy?
68 00:01:59,452 00:02:01,888 No, he would be dead by now, of course, No, he would be dead by now, of course,
69 00:02:01,955 00:02:04,457 but perhaps it's his ghost. but perhaps it's his ghost.
70 00:02:04,525 00:02:06,527 Whatever it is, we want it to leave us alone. Whatever it is, we want it to leave us alone.
71 00:02:06,593 00:02:07,928 Kids shouldn't have to look over their shoulders Kids shouldn't have to look over their shoulders
72 00:02:07,994 00:02:09,563 when they're partying illegally in the woods. when they're partying illegally in the woods.
73 00:02:09,630 00:02:10,531 (door opens) (door opens)
74 00:02:10,597 00:02:11,431 MAN: Hey. MAN: Hey.
75 00:02:11,497 00:02:12,899 ‐Oh, dude. ‐MAN: Hey, you. ‐Oh, dude. ‐MAN: Hey, you.
76 00:02:12,966 00:02:14,400 ‐We gotta go, we gotta go. ‐We'll see you tomorrow night. ‐We gotta go, we gotta go. ‐We'll see you tomorrow night.
77 00:02:14,467 00:02:16,269 Hey, My Two Dads, get out of here. Hey, My Two Dads, get out of here.
78 00:02:16,336 00:02:17,237 Thanks for the pizza. Thanks for the pizza.
79 00:02:17,303 00:02:20,340 (dramatic music) (dramatic music)
80 00:02:20,406 00:02:22,876 Man, I didn't know you believed in ghosts. Man, I didn't know you believed in ghosts.
81 00:02:22,943 00:02:24,044 I don't believe in ghosts. I don't believe in ghosts.
82 00:02:24,110 00:02:25,779 You just said it could be a ghost. You just said it could be a ghost.
83 00:02:25,846 00:02:27,681 David, you have friends, and you have good hair, David, you have friends, and you have good hair,
84 00:02:27,748 00:02:29,215 but I have something even better. but I have something even better.
85 00:02:29,282 00:02:30,216 Yeah, I know, a houseboat. Yeah, I know, a houseboat.
86 00:02:30,283 00:02:31,618 An analytical mind. An analytical mind.
87 00:02:31,685 00:02:33,086 ‐Oh. ‐I don't believe in ghosts. ‐Oh. ‐I don't believe in ghosts.
88 00:02:33,153 00:02:34,555 I'm a skeptic. I'm a skeptic.
89 00:02:34,621 00:02:37,090 However, I do need money to pay for the houseboat, However, I do need money to pay for the houseboat,
90 00:02:37,157 00:02:38,224 and therefore, and therefore,
91 00:02:38,291 00:02:40,761 why not pose as ghost hunters... why not pose as ghost hunters...
92 00:02:40,827 00:02:42,428 ‐Oh, snap. ‐In order to get more work? ‐Oh, snap. ‐In order to get more work?
93 00:02:42,495 00:02:44,731 Damn, I love your analytical mind, Damn, I love your analytical mind,
94 00:02:44,798 00:02:46,800 your hot, throbbing analytical mind. your hot, throbbing analytical mind.
95 00:02:46,867 00:02:49,035 It explodes, and I get thoughts all over my face, It explodes, and I get thoughts all over my face,
96 00:02:49,102 00:02:50,170 and I go crazy. and I go crazy.
97 00:02:50,236 00:02:52,272 Oh, no thank you. Oh, no thank you.
98 00:02:52,338 00:02:53,439 (rock music) (rock music)
99 00:02:53,507 00:02:55,008 Tucker, we need supplies. Tucker, we need supplies.
100 00:02:55,075 00:02:56,376 TUCKER (over phone): They sell adult diapers at CVS. TUCKER (over phone): They sell adult diapers at CVS.
101 00:02:56,442 00:02:57,611 Very funny. We're coming over. Very funny. We're coming over.
102 00:02:57,678 00:02:59,946 TUCKER (over phone): No, you already owe me $500. TUCKER (over phone): No, you already owe me $500.
103 00:03:00,013 00:03:01,615 Plus, I'm not home. Plus, I'm not home.
104 00:03:01,682 00:03:03,049 DAVID: He is totally lying. DAVID: He is totally lying.
105 00:03:03,116 00:03:05,418 Plus, you still haven't returned my binoculars. Plus, you still haven't returned my binoculars.
106 00:03:05,485 00:03:07,187 Okay, that part's true. Okay, that part's true.
107 00:03:07,253 00:03:09,289 Ghost hunting gear? Ghost hunting gear?
108 00:03:09,355 00:03:11,124 Do you even believe in paranormal stuff? Do you even believe in paranormal stuff?
109 00:03:11,191 00:03:13,326 What‐‐what does it matter what I "believe." What‐‐what does it matter what I "believe."
110 00:03:13,393 00:03:14,695 Does anything matter? Does anything matter?
111 00:03:14,761 00:03:18,264 Mm, your rejection of bourgeois labels is hot. Mm, your rejection of bourgeois labels is hot.
112 00:03:18,331 00:03:19,633 I thought it was existential nihilism. I thought it was existential nihilism.
113 00:03:19,700 00:03:21,535 I'm still aroused. Here, take these goggles. I'm still aroused. Here, take these goggles.
114 00:03:21,602 00:03:23,504 All right, well, what do these do? All right, well, what do these do?
115 00:03:23,570 00:03:24,838 Help you see at night, genius. Help you see at night, genius.
116 00:03:24,905 00:03:26,206 That's why they're called night vision goggles. That's why they're called night vision goggles.
117 00:03:26,272 00:03:28,041 Okay, okay, I didn't know what kind of goggles they were. Okay, okay, I didn't know what kind of goggles they were.
118 00:03:28,108 00:03:29,309 ‐I'm sorry. ‐(laughs) ‐I'm sorry. ‐(laughs)
119 00:03:29,375 00:03:30,343 I thought maybe they were micro‐penis goggles I thought maybe they were micro‐penis goggles
120 00:03:30,410 00:03:31,712 for looking at your micro‐penis. for looking at your micro‐penis.
121 00:03:31,778 00:03:33,046 ‐Guys, guys, okay. ‐'Cause it's so tiny, ‐Guys, guys, okay. ‐'Cause it's so tiny,
122 00:03:33,113 00:03:34,380 you need goggles to see it. you need goggles to see it.
123 00:03:34,447 00:03:36,517 Okay, what else do you have, Tucker? Okay, what else do you have, Tucker?
124 00:03:36,583 00:03:38,619 Uh, you can say this old graphing calculator Uh, you can say this old graphing calculator
125 00:03:38,685 00:03:39,820 is an EMF meter. is an EMF meter.
126 00:03:39,886 00:03:40,787 What's EMF? What's EMF?
127 00:03:40,854 00:03:42,222 BOTH: Electromagnetic frequency. BOTH: Electromagnetic frequency.
128 00:03:42,288 00:03:43,590 ‐DAVID: What? ‐Duh. ‐DAVID: What? ‐Duh.
129 00:03:43,657 00:03:45,792 ‐Ugh, these nerds. ‐Okay, keep it coming, Tucker. ‐Ugh, these nerds. ‐Okay, keep it coming, Tucker.
130 00:03:45,859 00:03:46,960 What else? ‐I guess you could tape What else? ‐I guess you could tape
131 00:03:47,027 00:03:48,128 this old Xbox to a bike helmet. this old Xbox to a bike helmet.
132 00:03:48,194 00:03:49,429 Well, that sounds perfect. Well, that sounds perfect.
133 00:03:49,495 00:03:50,564 That will actually look kind of cool. That will actually look kind of cool.
134 00:03:50,631 00:03:51,965 All right, and we'll need the walkie‐talkies. All right, and we'll need the walkie‐talkies.
135 00:03:52,032 00:03:56,002 Okay, you already owe me five, so that comes to $800. Okay, you already owe me five, so that comes to $800.
136 00:03:56,069 00:03:56,970 ‐Oh, David. ‐Yeah, right. ‐Oh, David. ‐Yeah, right.
137 00:03:57,037 00:03:58,371 How about $200 How about $200
138 00:03:58,438 00:04:00,040 and we don't tell your parents about all this? and we don't tell your parents about all this?
139 00:04:00,106 00:04:01,074 No way. No way.
140 00:04:01,141 00:04:03,176 Tucker, my dad will kill me. Tucker, my dad will kill me.
141 00:04:03,243 00:04:05,245 Mine too. Mine too.
142 00:04:05,311 00:04:07,347 (ominous music) (ominous music)
143 00:04:07,413 00:04:09,816 ‐(inhales) Mmm, Party Pines. ‐(groans) ‐(inhales) Mmm, Party Pines. ‐(groans)
144 00:04:09,883 00:04:11,384 It's good to be back. It's good to be back.
145 00:04:11,451 00:04:12,853 Yes, Party Pines. Yes, Party Pines.
146 00:04:12,919 00:04:14,988 You know, you said we never invited you here, You know, you said we never invited you here,
147 00:04:15,055 00:04:16,690 but we totally did, man. but we totally did, man.
148 00:04:16,757 00:04:18,625 Oh, that's right. You did invite me once Oh, that's right. You did invite me once
149 00:04:18,692 00:04:21,828 to solve the mystery of the wrong bong. to solve the mystery of the wrong bong.
150 00:04:23,764 00:04:26,032 No, this is your bong, Taylor. No, this is your bong, Taylor.
151 00:04:26,099 00:04:28,168 Dude, if that was my bong, I'd be high right now, Dude, if that was my bong, I'd be high right now,
152 00:04:28,234 00:04:31,572 and if I was high, I'd be paranoid, but I'm not. and if I was high, I'd be paranoid, but I'm not.
153 00:04:31,638 00:04:33,406 That proves somebody snuck up in here and replaced it That proves somebody snuck up in here and replaced it
154 00:04:33,473 00:04:35,509 with an exact replica, man. with an exact replica, man.
155 00:04:35,576 00:04:37,544 Taylor, it literally has your name on it. Taylor, it literally has your name on it.
156 00:04:37,611 00:04:39,946 Duh, that's because it's an exact replica. Duh, that's because it's an exact replica.
157 00:04:40,013 00:04:42,649 That's the level of mastermind that we're dealing with. That's the level of mastermind that we're dealing with.
158 00:04:42,716 00:04:43,617 (sighs) (sighs)
159 00:04:43,684 00:04:44,951 Don't sigh. It's rude. Don't sigh. It's rude.
160 00:04:45,018 00:04:48,088 Ahh! Ahh!
161 00:04:48,154 00:04:50,390 ‐Still an open case, buddy. ‐No, it isn't. ‐Still an open case, buddy. ‐No, it isn't.
162 00:04:50,456 00:04:52,726 (ominous music) (ominous music)
163 00:04:52,793 00:04:54,561 Hey, y'all. What's up? Hey, y'all. What's up?
164 00:04:54,628 00:04:56,496 Uh, where is the keg? Uh, where is the keg?
165 00:04:56,563 00:04:58,331 Keg? What are you, cops? Keg? What are you, cops?
166 00:04:58,398 00:05:00,200 They're too old to be cops. They're too old to be cops.
167 00:05:00,266 00:05:01,935 Whoa, cool graphing calculator. Whoa, cool graphing calculator.
168 00:05:02,002 00:05:04,170 This is an EMF meter, bruh. We're ghost hunters. This is an EMF meter, bruh. We're ghost hunters.
169 00:05:04,237 00:05:05,471 That's right. That's right.
170 00:05:05,539 00:05:07,641 If anyone has issues with ghosts or demons, If anyone has issues with ghosts or demons,
171 00:05:07,708 00:05:10,110 Hunchman Paranormal Investigations can help. Hunchman Paranormal Investigations can help.
172 00:05:10,176 00:05:11,144 Where did you get those beers? Where did you get those beers?
173 00:05:11,211 00:05:12,478 Beer? Beer?
174 00:05:12,546 00:05:14,180 Beer impairs your mental activity, dude. Beer impairs your mental activity, dude.
175 00:05:14,247 00:05:15,582 This is Super Soylent. This is Super Soylent.
176 00:05:15,649 00:05:17,751 It has cognition‐enhancing nutrients. It has cognition‐enhancing nutrients.
177 00:05:17,818 00:05:18,585 Really? Really?
178 00:05:18,652 00:05:19,953 Even folate coenzymes? Even folate coenzymes?
179 00:05:20,020 00:05:21,021 Wait, hold on. Wait, hold on.
180 00:05:21,087 00:05:22,188 You're drinking to get smart? You're drinking to get smart?
181 00:05:22,255 00:05:24,324 You're supposed to drink to get dumb. You're supposed to drink to get dumb.
182 00:05:24,390 00:05:25,992 Dude, something's not right. Dude, something's not right.
183 00:05:26,059 00:05:28,061 Huh? Wait. Huh? Wait.
184 00:05:28,128 00:05:29,730 What the... What the...
185 00:05:29,796 00:05:32,733 What happened to my Party Pines? What happened to my Party Pines?
186 00:05:32,799 00:05:35,268 Welcome to Party Pines 2.0. Welcome to Party Pines 2.0.
187 00:05:35,335 00:05:36,402 Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
188 00:05:36,469 00:05:38,772 ‐This looks like a TED Talk. ‐What's that? ‐This looks like a TED Talk. ‐What's that?
189 00:05:38,839 00:05:40,941 Oh, it's an annual conference of thought leaders... Oh, it's an annual conference of thought leaders...
190 00:05:41,007 00:05:42,609 ‐Boring, boring. ‐That meets in Vancouver ‐Boring, boring. ‐That meets in Vancouver
191 00:05:42,676 00:05:44,678 to present and discuss issues of the day in technology, to present and discuss issues of the day in technology,
192 00:05:44,745 00:05:46,479 entertainment, and design. ‐Boring! entertainment, and design. ‐Boring!
193 00:05:46,547 00:05:48,549 We call it Cognitive Campfire Talks. We call it Cognitive Campfire Talks.
194 00:05:48,615 00:05:50,617 We've disrupted the partying paradigm. We've disrupted the partying paradigm.
195 00:05:50,684 00:05:52,385 We get buzzed on ideas. We get buzzed on ideas.
196 00:05:52,452 00:05:54,454 ‐And Adderall. ‐But mostly ideas. ‐And Adderall. ‐But mostly ideas.
197 00:05:54,521 00:05:56,489 Oh, where was this when I was in school? Oh, where was this when I was in school?
198 00:05:56,557 00:05:58,391 We're all about leveraging knowledge We're all about leveraging knowledge
199 00:05:58,458 00:06:01,394 to improve our chances in today's zero‐sum economy. to improve our chances in today's zero‐sum economy.
200 00:06:01,461 00:06:03,363 That sounds fun as shit. That sounds fun as shit.
201 00:06:05,365 00:06:07,400 We're about to start tonight's program. We're about to start tonight's program.
202 00:06:07,467 00:06:10,470 Okay, guys, cognitive campfire is starting. Okay, guys, cognitive campfire is starting.
203 00:06:10,537 00:06:13,473 May's up first, game theory for beginners. May's up first, game theory for beginners.
204 00:06:13,540 00:06:15,108 (dramatic music) (dramatic music)
205 00:06:15,175 00:06:16,743 Well, that sounds really interesting. Well, that sounds really interesting.
206 00:06:16,810 00:06:18,645 I could use a refresher on game theory. I could use a refresher on game theory.
207 00:06:18,712 00:06:21,381 So you better go stand guard now. So you better go stand guard now.
208 00:06:21,447 00:06:22,382 Oh, right. Oh, right.
209 00:06:22,448 00:06:24,150 Come on, let's go secure the perimeter Come on, let's go secure the perimeter
210 00:06:24,217 00:06:28,088 so these nerds can make out with each other's brains. so these nerds can make out with each other's brains.
211 00:06:28,154 00:06:30,691 (ominous music) (ominous music)
212 00:06:30,757 00:06:31,925 (groans) (groans)
213 00:06:31,992 00:06:34,728 These woods are definitely creepier than I remember. These woods are definitely creepier than I remember.
214 00:06:34,795 00:06:36,630 Do you see anything? Over. Do you see anything? Over.
215 00:06:36,697 00:06:38,599 Breaker one‐nine, that is a negative. Breaker one‐nine, that is a negative.
216 00:06:38,665 00:06:40,667 I see nothing. I see nothing.
217 00:06:43,103 00:06:44,170 Okay, like a said before, Okay, like a said before,
218 00:06:44,237 00:06:46,673 please say "over" to end your transmission, okay? please say "over" to end your transmission, okay?
219 00:06:46,740 00:06:48,308 ‐Over. ‐Got it. ‐Over. ‐Got it.
220 00:06:48,374 00:06:49,309 Over. Over.
221 00:06:49,375 00:06:50,744 Thank you, over. Thank you, over.
222 00:06:50,811 00:06:53,079 ‐DAVID: You're welcome, penis. ‐(groans) ‐DAVID: You're welcome, penis. ‐(groans)
223 00:06:53,146 00:06:54,648 You know, I wonder if they put their lectures on YouTube. You know, I wonder if they put their lectures on YouTube.
224 00:06:54,715 00:06:56,783 I should probably check out... (gasps) I should probably check out... (gasps)
225 00:06:56,850 00:06:57,718 David. David.
226 00:06:57,784 00:06:58,952 Oh, my God, David, the mystery man. Oh, my God, David, the mystery man.
227 00:06:59,019 00:07:01,622 What do I do? David, what do I do? What do I do? David, what do I do?
228 00:07:01,688 00:07:03,256 DAVID: You can start by saying "over." DAVID: You can start by saying "over."
229 00:07:03,323 00:07:05,225 This isn't funny. Over. This isn't funny. Over.
230 00:07:05,291 00:07:07,293 He's coming for me. He's coming for me.
231 00:07:07,360 00:07:09,663 David, help me. Over. David, help me. Over.
232 00:07:09,730 00:07:11,898 (breathing heavily) (breathing heavily)
233 00:07:11,965 00:07:14,200 He was so close. I felt his evil. He was so close. I felt his evil.
234 00:07:14,267 00:07:15,435 What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?
235 00:07:15,502 00:07:17,003 Use your analytical mind. Use your analytical mind.
236 00:07:17,070 00:07:18,639 Right, I can do this. Right, I can do this.
237 00:07:18,705 00:07:20,006 Target left the clearing at 9:30 Target left the clearing at 9:30
238 00:07:20,073 00:07:21,474 traveling approximately five miles per hour. traveling approximately five miles per hour.
239 00:07:21,542 00:07:22,609 You started running at 9:31. You started running at 9:31.
240 00:07:22,676 00:07:24,077 If you run 30 degrees to the east If you run 30 degrees to the east
241 00:07:24,144 00:07:25,378 at 5.25 miles per hour, you'll cut him off at the creek at 5.25 miles per hour, you'll cut him off at the creek
242 00:07:25,445 00:07:27,514 at 9:34 p. m., over. at 9:34 p. m., over.
243 00:07:27,581 00:07:30,016 I'm on it, over. I'm on it, over.
244 00:07:30,083 00:07:32,586 In conclusion, the key to game theory is... In conclusion, the key to game theory is...
245 00:07:32,653 00:07:33,654 (all gasp) (all gasp)
246 00:07:33,720 00:07:35,856 Hi‐ho, nerds. Hi‐ho, nerds.
247 00:07:35,922 00:07:37,190 Look who we got. Look who we got.
248 00:07:37,257 00:07:38,458 Now they'll see who this Now they'll see who this
249 00:07:38,525 00:07:40,827 non‐ghost mystery man really is. non‐ghost mystery man really is.
250 00:07:43,597 00:07:45,298 ‐DAVID: Cam Smith. ‐JOHN: Exactly. ‐DAVID: Cam Smith. ‐JOHN: Exactly.
251 00:07:45,365 00:07:47,367 Cam Smith. Cam Smith.
252 00:07:47,433 00:07:48,635 I'm sorry. I've never heard of him. I'm sorry. I've never heard of him.
253 00:07:48,702 00:07:50,403 Yeah, me neither, actually. Who's Cam Smith? Yeah, me neither, actually. Who's Cam Smith?
254 00:07:50,470 00:07:52,338 Uh, he's the starting center Uh, he's the starting center
255 00:07:52,405 00:07:53,439 on your high school basketball team, on your high school basketball team,
256 00:07:53,507 00:07:55,709 the Junior Tobaccaneers. the Junior Tobaccaneers.
257 00:07:55,776 00:07:58,244 What, you guys don't support the Junior Tobacs? What, you guys don't support the Junior Tobacs?
258 00:07:58,311 00:08:00,080 All sports cause concussions. All sports cause concussions.
259 00:08:00,146 00:08:02,549 Ugh, why were you hiding in the woods? Ugh, why were you hiding in the woods?
260 00:08:02,616 00:08:05,018 Well, I heard about these cool lectures, Well, I heard about these cool lectures,
261 00:08:05,085 00:08:07,621 well, I‐‐I knew they'd never invite me, well, I‐‐I knew they'd never invite me,
262 00:08:07,688 00:08:08,955 because I'm a jock. because I'm a jock.
263 00:08:09,022 00:08:11,191 But nerds are cooler than jocks now. But nerds are cooler than jocks now.
264 00:08:11,257 00:08:12,458 I know. I know.
265 00:08:12,526 00:08:14,460 The whole world is swirling down a toilet of madness. The whole world is swirling down a toilet of madness.
266 00:08:14,528 00:08:17,097 You're welcome to join our circle of influencers, Cam. You're welcome to join our circle of influencers, Cam.
267 00:08:17,163 00:08:18,098 ‐Really? ‐What? ‐Really? ‐What?
268 00:08:18,164 00:08:19,733 No. What are you doing? No. What are you doing?
269 00:08:19,800 00:08:21,434 You've built this beautiful intellectual oasis, You've built this beautiful intellectual oasis,
270 00:08:21,502 00:08:22,368 and you're gonna let jocks in? and you're gonna let jocks in?
271 00:08:22,435 00:08:24,437 Jocks will ruin it. Jocks will ruin it.
272 00:08:24,505 00:08:26,172 Just like they ruined the Beastie Boys. Just like they ruined the Beastie Boys.
273 00:08:26,239 00:08:27,207 But we're intersectional. But we're intersectional.
274 00:08:27,273 00:08:28,474 We'd love to hear the jock perspective. We'd love to hear the jock perspective.
275 00:08:28,542 00:08:32,546 Oh, the whole world is swirling down a toilet of madness. Oh, the whole world is swirling down a toilet of madness.
276 00:08:32,613 00:08:34,314 Thanks for your help, guys. Thanks for your help, guys.
277 00:08:34,380 00:08:35,348 Wait, I'm sorry. I've got‐‐ Wait, I'm sorry. I've got‐‐
278 00:08:35,415 00:08:36,850 I've got to say one thing before we go. I've got to say one thing before we go.
279 00:08:36,917 00:08:38,118 All you nerds, listen up. All you nerds, listen up.
280 00:08:38,184 00:08:39,886 This is your final lecture for the night. This is your final lecture for the night.
281 00:08:39,953 00:08:42,155 Party Pines is special, you idiots. Party Pines is special, you idiots.
282 00:08:42,222 00:08:44,758 Generations of Dicktown kids have goofed off right here. Generations of Dicktown kids have goofed off right here.
283 00:08:44,825 00:08:46,960 This is a sacred space for acting stupid. This is a sacred space for acting stupid.
284 00:08:47,027 00:08:49,329 That's why he named it Party Pines. That's why he named it Party Pines.
285 00:08:49,395 00:08:52,733 And you nerds are defiling it with free lectures. And you nerds are defiling it with free lectures.
286 00:08:52,799 00:08:55,135 What is this, Snapchat Epidemiology? What is this, Snapchat Epidemiology?
287 00:08:55,201 00:08:56,102 What the fuck is that? What the fuck is that?
288 00:08:56,169 00:08:58,004 It's shameful, son, is what it is. It's shameful, son, is what it is.
289 00:08:58,071 00:09:00,674 I'm embarrassed to be a Dicktown High alumni. I'm embarrassed to be a Dicktown High alumni.
290 00:09:00,741 00:09:01,908 Thank you. Good night. Thank you. Good night.
291 00:09:01,975 00:09:03,544 Alumnus. Alumnus.
292 00:09:03,610 00:09:04,611 What did you say? What did you say?
293 00:09:04,678 00:09:06,146 You're embarrassed to be an alumnus. You're embarrassed to be an alumnus.
294 00:09:06,212 00:09:07,714 "Alumni" is plural. "Alumni" is plural.
295 00:09:07,781 00:09:09,115 ‐Oh, he's right, actually. ‐Ooh. ‐Oh, he's right, actually. ‐Ooh.
296 00:09:09,182 00:09:10,350 You keep acting smart, You keep acting smart,
297 00:09:10,416 00:09:12,686 I'll burn this whole fucking forest to the ground. I'll burn this whole fucking forest to the ground.
298 00:09:12,753 00:09:14,487 John, let's go. John, let's go.
299 00:09:14,555 00:09:16,590 Great lecture series, everyone. Great lecture series, everyone.
300 00:09:16,657 00:09:17,891 Thanks. Thanks.
301 00:09:17,958 00:09:21,261 Well, to our first non‐paranormal Well, to our first non‐paranormal
302 00:09:21,327 00:09:22,162 paranormal case. paranormal case.
303 00:09:22,228 00:09:24,631 And to the spirit of Party Pines, RIP. And to the spirit of Party Pines, RIP.
304 00:09:24,698 00:09:25,999 Oh, David. Oh, David.
305 00:09:26,066 00:09:27,033 Oh, that's gonna leak into the living room. Oh, that's gonna leak into the living room.
306 00:09:27,100 00:09:28,434 ‐I'm pouring one out ‐All right. ‐I'm pouring one out ‐All right.
307 00:09:28,502 00:09:30,637 I guess I'll go get a towel and clean up your mess. I guess I'll go get a towel and clean up your mess.
308 00:09:30,704 00:09:32,272 ‐Okay. ‐Ugh. ‐Okay. ‐Ugh.
309 00:09:32,338 00:09:35,842 (light jazzy music) (light jazzy music)
310 00:09:35,909 00:09:38,144 Hey, I'm sorry we never invited you to Party Pines. Hey, I'm sorry we never invited you to Party Pines.
311 00:09:38,211 00:09:39,112 JOHN: It's fine. JOHN: It's fine.
312 00:09:39,179 00:09:40,781 Just we didn't like you very much. Just we didn't like you very much.
313 00:09:40,847 00:09:43,550 JOHN: Well, I appreciate your honesty, I guess. JOHN: Well, I appreciate your honesty, I guess.
314 00:09:43,617 00:09:44,951 DAVID: Hey, wouldn't it be weird DAVID: Hey, wouldn't it be weird
315 00:09:45,018 00:09:47,754 if the lurker of Party Pines was still out there somewhere? if the lurker of Party Pines was still out there somewhere?
316 00:09:47,821 00:09:49,089 I'm sorry, what? I'm sorry, what?
317 00:09:49,155 00:09:50,591 DAVID: I said, wouldn't it be effed up DAVID: I said, wouldn't it be effed up
318 00:09:50,657 00:09:52,158 if the lurker of Party Pines if the lurker of Party Pines
319 00:09:52,225 00:09:54,427 was still alive out there somewhere? was still alive out there somewhere?
320 00:09:54,494 00:09:56,897 Oh, David, that is a mystery Oh, David, that is a mystery
321 00:09:56,963 00:09:59,399 that will never be solved. that will never be solved.
322 00:09:59,465 00:10:00,701 What? What?
323 00:10:00,767 00:10:03,670 That is a mystery that will never be solved. That is a mystery that will never be solved.
324 00:10:03,737 00:10:05,706 Wait, what? Wait, what?
325 00:10:05,772 00:10:06,973 That is a mystery that will never be solved. That is a mystery that will never be solved.
326 00:10:07,040 00:10:09,042 DAVID: Dude, I can't hear you. What are you saying? DAVID: Dude, I can't hear you. What are you saying?
327 00:10:09,109 00:10:10,376 It's a mystery that will never be solved. It's a mystery that will never be solved.
328 00:10:10,443 00:10:12,112 DAVID: I still can't hear you. What are you saying? DAVID: I still can't hear you. What are you saying?
329 00:10:12,178 00:10:14,781 Nothing! Nothing!