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# | Start | End | Original | Translated |
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1 | 00:00:06,540 | 00:00:07,708 | JOHN: David, what are you doing? | JOHN: David, what are you doing? |
2 | 00:00:07,774 | 00:00:08,975 | DAVID: Shut up. Dude, just shut up. | DAVID: Shut up. Dude, just shut up. |
3 | 00:00:09,042 | 00:00:10,577 | Just wait. | Just wait. |
4 | 00:00:10,644 | 00:00:12,012 | Ahh... | Ahh... |
5 | 00:00:12,078 | 00:00:14,080 | ahh‐ahh... | ahh‐ahh... |
6 | 00:00:14,147 | 00:00:15,248 | Oh, no, you're doing that thing. | Oh, no, you're doing that thing. |
7 | 00:00:15,315 | 00:00:16,550 | It's not working. You know, back in the day, | It's not working. You know, back in the day, |
8 | 00:00:16,617 | 00:00:18,519 | if you held a slice of cafeteria pizza like this, | if you held a slice of cafeteria pizza like this, |
9 | 00:00:18,585 | 00:00:20,453 | everything would slide off into your mouth like a mudslide. | everything would slide off into your mouth like a mudslide. |
10 | 00:00:20,521 | 00:00:21,454 | It was delicious. | It was delicious. |
11 | 00:00:21,522 | 00:00:22,856 | The gastronomy club petitioned them | The gastronomy club petitioned them |
12 | 00:00:22,923 | 00:00:23,990 | to use better tomato paste. | to use better tomato paste. |
13 | 00:00:24,057 | 00:00:25,425 | Oh, there you go. | Oh, there you go. |
14 | 00:00:25,491 | 00:00:27,227 | Sustained activism is the key to social progress. | Sustained activism is the key to social progress. |
15 | 00:00:27,293 | 00:00:28,629 | Well, you ruined pizza chugging. | Well, you ruined pizza chugging. |
16 | 00:00:28,695 | 00:00:29,630 | Congratulations. | Congratulations. |
17 | 00:00:29,696 | 00:00:30,797 | Okay, look, we're not technically | Okay, look, we're not technically |
18 | 00:00:30,864 | 00:00:32,065 | supposed to be on school property at all, | supposed to be on school property at all, |
19 | 00:00:32,132 | 00:00:33,166 | so let's get down to it. | so let's get down to it. |
20 | 00:00:33,233 | 00:00:34,234 | How can we help you? | How can we help you? |
21 | 00:00:34,300 | 00:00:35,602 | Have y'all ever heard of Party Pines? | Have y'all ever heard of Party Pines? |
22 | 00:00:35,669 | 00:00:37,538 | Kids party there on the weekend. | Kids party there on the weekend. |
23 | 00:00:37,604 | 00:00:39,072 | Oh, yes. | Oh, yes. |
24 | 00:00:39,139 | 00:00:41,508 | Yes, we're familiar with Party Pines. | Yes, we're familiar with Party Pines. |
25 | 00:00:41,575 | 00:00:43,043 | ‐Really? ‐What are your names again? | ‐Really? ‐What are your names again? |
26 | 00:00:43,109 | 00:00:44,477 | ‐He's Colin. ‐She's Phoebe. | ‐He's Colin. ‐She's Phoebe. |
27 | 00:00:44,545 | 00:00:45,946 | All right, Phoebe and Colin, | All right, Phoebe and Colin, |
28 | 00:00:46,012 | 00:00:47,080 | I'ma put y'all up on some history. | I'ma put y'all up on some history. |
29 | 00:00:47,147 | 00:00:50,517 | I tapped the first‐ever keg at Party Pines. | I tapped the first‐ever keg at Party Pines. |
30 | 00:00:50,584 | 00:00:52,485 | Me and my bros founded that place. | Me and my bros founded that place. |
31 | 00:00:52,553 | 00:00:54,154 | It's like going up to Christopher Columbus | It's like going up to Christopher Columbus |
32 | 00:00:54,220 | 00:00:55,922 | and saying, "Oh, have you heard about this place? | and saying, "Oh, have you heard about this place? |
33 | 00:00:55,989 | 00:00:57,323 | "It's really great. It's called America. | "It's really great. It's called America. |
34 | 00:00:57,390 | 00:00:58,692 | I think you would like it." He's like, | I think you would like it." He's like, |
35 | 00:00:58,759 | 00:01:01,261 | "Yeah, I know all about it. I'm the one who invented it." | "Yeah, I know all about it. I'm the one who invented it." |
36 | 00:01:01,327 | 00:01:02,295 | ‐Why that acc‐‐ ‐'Cause he's Italian. | ‐Why that acc‐‐ ‐'Cause he's Italian. |
37 | 00:01:02,362 | 00:01:03,496 | ‐Oh, God. ‐Yeah. | ‐Oh, God. ‐Yeah. |
38 | 00:01:03,564 | 00:01:05,198 | So you're Christopher Columbus? | So you're Christopher Columbus? |
39 | 00:01:05,265 | 00:01:07,000 | Yeah, if he did upside‐down beer bongs | Yeah, if he did upside‐down beer bongs |
40 | 00:01:07,067 | 00:01:09,135 | on a sick‐ass tire swing he built himself. | on a sick‐ass tire swing he built himself. |
41 | 00:01:09,202 | 00:01:12,773 | So you're okay having the blood of genocide on your hands? | So you're okay having the blood of genocide on your hands? |
42 | 00:01:12,839 | 00:01:14,074 | Uh, it rules, obviously. | Uh, it rules, obviously. |
43 | 00:01:14,140 | 00:01:15,275 | I got a holiday out of it. | I got a holiday out of it. |
44 | 00:01:15,341 | 00:01:16,409 | ‐Okay, that's‐‐ ‐I win. | ‐Okay, that's‐‐ ‐I win. |
45 | 00:01:16,476 | 00:01:17,778 | ‐All right, Howard Zinn, let's, uh, | ‐All right, Howard Zinn, let's, uh, |
46 | 00:01:17,844 | 00:01:19,445 | let's move on to their case, please. | let's move on to their case, please. |
47 | 00:01:19,513 | 00:01:20,781 | Anyway, | Anyway, |
48 | 00:01:20,847 | 00:01:22,816 | something strange is happening at Party Pines. | something strange is happening at Party Pines. |
49 | 00:01:22,883 | 00:01:23,917 | (twig snaps) | (twig snaps) |
50 | 00:01:23,984 | 00:01:25,051 | For the last few weeks, | For the last few weeks, |
51 | 00:01:25,118 | 00:01:27,688 | there's been a thing in the woods. | there's been a thing in the woods. |
52 | 00:01:27,754 | 00:01:29,723 | COLIN: Just standing there watching us. | COLIN: Just standing there watching us. |
53 | 00:01:29,790 | 00:01:32,492 | Not to creep‐shame, but it's kind of creepy. | Not to creep‐shame, but it's kind of creepy. |
54 | 00:01:32,559 | 00:01:34,661 | (gasps) Dude, I wonder if it's the lurker of Party Pines. | (gasps) Dude, I wonder if it's the lurker of Party Pines. |
55 | 00:01:34,728 | 00:01:35,829 | Do you remember him? | Do you remember him? |
56 | 00:01:35,896 | 00:01:37,330 | I wouldn't remember the lurker of Party Pines, | I wouldn't remember the lurker of Party Pines, |
57 | 00:01:37,397 | 00:01:40,300 | because I was never invited to Party Pines. | because I was never invited to Party Pines. |
58 | 00:01:40,366 | 00:01:42,168 | Who's the lurker of Party Pines? | Who's the lurker of Party Pines? |
59 | 00:01:42,235 | 00:01:43,870 | Back when we were in high school, | Back when we were in high school, |
60 | 00:01:43,937 | 00:01:46,206 | he was this weirdo who hid in the woods | he was this weirdo who hid in the woods |
61 | 00:01:46,272 | 00:01:47,574 | and just watched us. | and just watched us. |
62 | 00:01:47,641 | 00:01:50,443 | (twig snaps) | (twig snaps) |
63 | 00:01:50,511 | 00:01:51,845 | And we all thought maybe he was, like, | And we all thought maybe he was, like, |
64 | 00:01:51,912 | 00:01:54,480 | an escaped lunatic from the Dicktown Lunatic Asylum, | an escaped lunatic from the Dicktown Lunatic Asylum, |
65 | 00:01:54,548 | 00:01:56,016 | 'cause that's where they kept all the lunatics. | 'cause that's where they kept all the lunatics. |
66 | 00:01:56,082 | 00:01:58,151 | But that was, like, 50 years ago. | But that was, like, 50 years ago. |
67 | 00:01:58,218 | 00:01:59,385 | You think it's the same guy? | You think it's the same guy? |
68 | 00:01:59,452 | 00:02:01,888 | No, he would be dead by now, of course, | No, he would be dead by now, of course, |
69 | 00:02:01,955 | 00:02:04,457 | but perhaps it's his ghost. | but perhaps it's his ghost. |
70 | 00:02:04,525 | 00:02:06,527 | Whatever it is, we want it to leave us alone. | Whatever it is, we want it to leave us alone. |
71 | 00:02:06,593 | 00:02:07,928 | Kids shouldn't have to look over their shoulders | Kids shouldn't have to look over their shoulders |
72 | 00:02:07,994 | 00:02:09,563 | when they're partying illegally in the woods. | when they're partying illegally in the woods. |
73 | 00:02:09,630 | 00:02:10,531 | (door opens) | (door opens) |
74 | 00:02:10,597 | 00:02:11,431 | MAN: Hey. | MAN: Hey. |
75 | 00:02:11,497 | 00:02:12,899 | ‐Oh, dude. ‐MAN: Hey, you. | ‐Oh, dude. ‐MAN: Hey, you. |
76 | 00:02:12,966 | 00:02:14,400 | ‐We gotta go, we gotta go. ‐We'll see you tomorrow night. | ‐We gotta go, we gotta go. ‐We'll see you tomorrow night. |
77 | 00:02:14,467 | 00:02:16,269 | Hey, My Two Dads, get out of here. | Hey, My Two Dads, get out of here. |
78 | 00:02:16,336 | 00:02:17,237 | Thanks for the pizza. | Thanks for the pizza. |
79 | 00:02:17,303 | 00:02:20,340 | (dramatic music) | (dramatic music) |
80 | 00:02:20,406 | 00:02:22,876 | Man, I didn't know you believed in ghosts. | Man, I didn't know you believed in ghosts. |
81 | 00:02:22,943 | 00:02:24,044 | I don't believe in ghosts. | I don't believe in ghosts. |
82 | 00:02:24,110 | 00:02:25,779 | You just said it could be a ghost. | You just said it could be a ghost. |
83 | 00:02:25,846 | 00:02:27,681 | David, you have friends, and you have good hair, | David, you have friends, and you have good hair, |
84 | 00:02:27,748 | 00:02:29,215 | but I have something even better. | but I have something even better. |
85 | 00:02:29,282 | 00:02:30,216 | Yeah, I know, a houseboat. | Yeah, I know, a houseboat. |
86 | 00:02:30,283 | 00:02:31,618 | An analytical mind. | An analytical mind. |
87 | 00:02:31,685 | 00:02:33,086 | ‐Oh. ‐I don't believe in ghosts. | ‐Oh. ‐I don't believe in ghosts. |
88 | 00:02:33,153 | 00:02:34,555 | I'm a skeptic. | I'm a skeptic. |
89 | 00:02:34,621 | 00:02:37,090 | However, I do need money to pay for the houseboat, | However, I do need money to pay for the houseboat, |
90 | 00:02:37,157 | 00:02:38,224 | and therefore, | and therefore, |
91 | 00:02:38,291 | 00:02:40,761 | why not pose as ghost hunters... | why not pose as ghost hunters... |
92 | 00:02:40,827 | 00:02:42,428 | ‐Oh, snap. ‐In order to get more work? | ‐Oh, snap. ‐In order to get more work? |
93 | 00:02:42,495 | 00:02:44,731 | Damn, I love your analytical mind, | Damn, I love your analytical mind, |
94 | 00:02:44,798 | 00:02:46,800 | your hot, throbbing analytical mind. | your hot, throbbing analytical mind. |
95 | 00:02:46,867 | 00:02:49,035 | It explodes, and I get thoughts all over my face, | It explodes, and I get thoughts all over my face, |
96 | 00:02:49,102 | 00:02:50,170 | and I go crazy. | and I go crazy. |
97 | 00:02:50,236 | 00:02:52,272 | Oh, no thank you. | Oh, no thank you. |
98 | 00:02:52,338 | 00:02:53,439 | (rock music) | (rock music) |
99 | 00:02:53,507 | 00:02:55,008 | Tucker, we need supplies. | Tucker, we need supplies. |
100 | 00:02:55,075 | 00:02:56,376 | TUCKER (over phone): They sell adult diapers at CVS. | TUCKER (over phone): They sell adult diapers at CVS. |
101 | 00:02:56,442 | 00:02:57,611 | Very funny. We're coming over. | Very funny. We're coming over. |
102 | 00:02:57,678 | 00:02:59,946 | TUCKER (over phone): No, you already owe me $500. | TUCKER (over phone): No, you already owe me $500. |
103 | 00:03:00,013 | 00:03:01,615 | Plus, I'm not home. | Plus, I'm not home. |
104 | 00:03:01,682 | 00:03:03,049 | DAVID: He is totally lying. | DAVID: He is totally lying. |
105 | 00:03:03,116 | 00:03:05,418 | Plus, you still haven't returned my binoculars. | Plus, you still haven't returned my binoculars. |
106 | 00:03:05,485 | 00:03:07,187 | Okay, that part's true. | Okay, that part's true. |
107 | 00:03:07,253 | 00:03:09,289 | Ghost hunting gear? | Ghost hunting gear? |
108 | 00:03:09,355 | 00:03:11,124 | Do you even believe in paranormal stuff? | Do you even believe in paranormal stuff? |
109 | 00:03:11,191 | 00:03:13,326 | What‐‐what does it matter what I "believe." | What‐‐what does it matter what I "believe." |
110 | 00:03:13,393 | 00:03:14,695 | Does anything matter? | Does anything matter? |
111 | 00:03:14,761 | 00:03:18,264 | Mm, your rejection of bourgeois labels is hot. | Mm, your rejection of bourgeois labels is hot. |
112 | 00:03:18,331 | 00:03:19,633 | I thought it was existential nihilism. | I thought it was existential nihilism. |
113 | 00:03:19,700 | 00:03:21,535 | I'm still aroused. Here, take these goggles. | I'm still aroused. Here, take these goggles. |
114 | 00:03:21,602 | 00:03:23,504 | All right, well, what do these do? | All right, well, what do these do? |
115 | 00:03:23,570 | 00:03:24,838 | Help you see at night, genius. | Help you see at night, genius. |
116 | 00:03:24,905 | 00:03:26,206 | That's why they're called night vision goggles. | That's why they're called night vision goggles. |
117 | 00:03:26,272 | 00:03:28,041 | Okay, okay, I didn't know what kind of goggles they were. | Okay, okay, I didn't know what kind of goggles they were. |
118 | 00:03:28,108 | 00:03:29,309 | ‐I'm sorry. ‐(laughs) | ‐I'm sorry. ‐(laughs) |
119 | 00:03:29,375 | 00:03:30,343 | I thought maybe they were micro‐penis goggles | I thought maybe they were micro‐penis goggles |
120 | 00:03:30,410 | 00:03:31,712 | for looking at your micro‐penis. | for looking at your micro‐penis. |
121 | 00:03:31,778 | 00:03:33,046 | ‐Guys, guys, okay. ‐'Cause it's so tiny, | ‐Guys, guys, okay. ‐'Cause it's so tiny, |
122 | 00:03:33,113 | 00:03:34,380 | you need goggles to see it. | you need goggles to see it. |
123 | 00:03:34,447 | 00:03:36,517 | Okay, what else do you have, Tucker? | Okay, what else do you have, Tucker? |
124 | 00:03:36,583 | 00:03:38,619 | Uh, you can say this old graphing calculator | Uh, you can say this old graphing calculator |
125 | 00:03:38,685 | 00:03:39,820 | is an EMF meter. | is an EMF meter. |
126 | 00:03:39,886 | 00:03:40,787 | What's EMF? | What's EMF? |
127 | 00:03:40,854 | 00:03:42,222 | BOTH: Electromagnetic frequency. | BOTH: Electromagnetic frequency. |
128 | 00:03:42,288 | 00:03:43,590 | ‐DAVID: What? ‐Duh. | ‐DAVID: What? ‐Duh. |
129 | 00:03:43,657 | 00:03:45,792 | ‐Ugh, these nerds. ‐Okay, keep it coming, Tucker. | ‐Ugh, these nerds. ‐Okay, keep it coming, Tucker. |
130 | 00:03:45,859 | 00:03:46,960 | What else? ‐I guess you could tape | What else? ‐I guess you could tape |
131 | 00:03:47,027 | 00:03:48,128 | this old Xbox to a bike helmet. | this old Xbox to a bike helmet. |
132 | 00:03:48,194 | 00:03:49,429 | Well, that sounds perfect. | Well, that sounds perfect. |
133 | 00:03:49,495 | 00:03:50,564 | That will actually look kind of cool. | That will actually look kind of cool. |
134 | 00:03:50,631 | 00:03:51,965 | All right, and we'll need the walkie‐talkies. | All right, and we'll need the walkie‐talkies. |
135 | 00:03:52,032 | 00:03:56,002 | Okay, you already owe me five, so that comes to $800. | Okay, you already owe me five, so that comes to $800. |
136 | 00:03:56,069 | 00:03:56,970 | ‐Oh, David. ‐Yeah, right. | ‐Oh, David. ‐Yeah, right. |
137 | 00:03:57,037 | 00:03:58,371 | How about $200 | How about $200 |
138 | 00:03:58,438 | 00:04:00,040 | and we don't tell your parents about all this? | and we don't tell your parents about all this? |
139 | 00:04:00,106 | 00:04:01,074 | No way. | No way. |
140 | 00:04:01,141 | 00:04:03,176 | Tucker, my dad will kill me. | Tucker, my dad will kill me. |
141 | 00:04:03,243 | 00:04:05,245 | Mine too. | Mine too. |
142 | 00:04:05,311 | 00:04:07,347 | (ominous music) | (ominous music) |
143 | 00:04:07,413 | 00:04:09,816 | ‐(inhales) Mmm, Party Pines. ‐(groans) | ‐(inhales) Mmm, Party Pines. ‐(groans) |
144 | 00:04:09,883 | 00:04:11,384 | It's good to be back. | It's good to be back. |
145 | 00:04:11,451 | 00:04:12,853 | Yes, Party Pines. | Yes, Party Pines. |
146 | 00:04:12,919 | 00:04:14,988 | You know, you said we never invited you here, | You know, you said we never invited you here, |
147 | 00:04:15,055 | 00:04:16,690 | but we totally did, man. | but we totally did, man. |
148 | 00:04:16,757 | 00:04:18,625 | Oh, that's right. You did invite me once | Oh, that's right. You did invite me once |
149 | 00:04:18,692 | 00:04:21,828 | to solve the mystery of the wrong bong. | to solve the mystery of the wrong bong. |
150 | 00:04:23,764 | 00:04:26,032 | No, this is your bong, Taylor. | No, this is your bong, Taylor. |
151 | 00:04:26,099 | 00:04:28,168 | Dude, if that was my bong, I'd be high right now, | Dude, if that was my bong, I'd be high right now, |
152 | 00:04:28,234 | 00:04:31,572 | and if I was high, I'd be paranoid, but I'm not. | and if I was high, I'd be paranoid, but I'm not. |
153 | 00:04:31,638 | 00:04:33,406 | That proves somebody snuck up in here and replaced it | That proves somebody snuck up in here and replaced it |
154 | 00:04:33,473 | 00:04:35,509 | with an exact replica, man. | with an exact replica, man. |
155 | 00:04:35,576 | 00:04:37,544 | Taylor, it literally has your name on it. | Taylor, it literally has your name on it. |
156 | 00:04:37,611 | 00:04:39,946 | Duh, that's because it's an exact replica. | Duh, that's because it's an exact replica. |
157 | 00:04:40,013 | 00:04:42,649 | That's the level of mastermind that we're dealing with. | That's the level of mastermind that we're dealing with. |
158 | 00:04:42,716 | 00:04:43,617 | (sighs) | (sighs) |
159 | 00:04:43,684 | 00:04:44,951 | Don't sigh. It's rude. | Don't sigh. It's rude. |
160 | 00:04:45,018 | 00:04:48,088 | Ahh! | Ahh! |
161 | 00:04:48,154 | 00:04:50,390 | ‐Still an open case, buddy. ‐No, it isn't. | ‐Still an open case, buddy. ‐No, it isn't. |
162 | 00:04:50,456 | 00:04:52,726 | (ominous music) | (ominous music) |
163 | 00:04:52,793 | 00:04:54,561 | Hey, y'all. What's up? | Hey, y'all. What's up? |
164 | 00:04:54,628 | 00:04:56,496 | Uh, where is the keg? | Uh, where is the keg? |
165 | 00:04:56,563 | 00:04:58,331 | Keg? What are you, cops? | Keg? What are you, cops? |
166 | 00:04:58,398 | 00:05:00,200 | They're too old to be cops. | They're too old to be cops. |
167 | 00:05:00,266 | 00:05:01,935 | Whoa, cool graphing calculator. | Whoa, cool graphing calculator. |
168 | 00:05:02,002 | 00:05:04,170 | This is an EMF meter, bruh. We're ghost hunters. | This is an EMF meter, bruh. We're ghost hunters. |
169 | 00:05:04,237 | 00:05:05,471 | That's right. | That's right. |
170 | 00:05:05,539 | 00:05:07,641 | If anyone has issues with ghosts or demons, | If anyone has issues with ghosts or demons, |
171 | 00:05:07,708 | 00:05:10,110 | Hunchman Paranormal Investigations can help. | Hunchman Paranormal Investigations can help. |
172 | 00:05:10,176 | 00:05:11,144 | Where did you get those beers? | Where did you get those beers? |
173 | 00:05:11,211 | 00:05:12,478 | Beer? | Beer? |
174 | 00:05:12,546 | 00:05:14,180 | Beer impairs your mental activity, dude. | Beer impairs your mental activity, dude. |
175 | 00:05:14,247 | 00:05:15,582 | This is Super Soylent. | This is Super Soylent. |
176 | 00:05:15,649 | 00:05:17,751 | It has cognition‐enhancing nutrients. | It has cognition‐enhancing nutrients. |
177 | 00:05:17,818 | 00:05:18,585 | Really? | Really? |
178 | 00:05:18,652 | 00:05:19,953 | Even folate coenzymes? | Even folate coenzymes? |
179 | 00:05:20,020 | 00:05:21,021 | Wait, hold on. | Wait, hold on. |
180 | 00:05:21,087 | 00:05:22,188 | You're drinking to get smart? | You're drinking to get smart? |
181 | 00:05:22,255 | 00:05:24,324 | You're supposed to drink to get dumb. | You're supposed to drink to get dumb. |
182 | 00:05:24,390 | 00:05:25,992 | Dude, something's not right. | Dude, something's not right. |
183 | 00:05:26,059 | 00:05:28,061 | Huh? Wait. | Huh? Wait. |
184 | 00:05:28,128 | 00:05:29,730 | What the... | What the... |
185 | 00:05:29,796 | 00:05:32,733 | What happened to my Party Pines? | What happened to my Party Pines? |
186 | 00:05:32,799 | 00:05:35,268 | Welcome to Party Pines 2.0. | Welcome to Party Pines 2.0. |
187 | 00:05:35,335 | 00:05:36,402 | Wait a minute. | Wait a minute. |
188 | 00:05:36,469 | 00:05:38,772 | ‐This looks like a TED Talk. ‐What's that? | ‐This looks like a TED Talk. ‐What's that? |
189 | 00:05:38,839 | 00:05:40,941 | Oh, it's an annual conference of thought leaders... | Oh, it's an annual conference of thought leaders... |
190 | 00:05:41,007 | 00:05:42,609 | ‐Boring, boring. ‐That meets in Vancouver | ‐Boring, boring. ‐That meets in Vancouver |
191 | 00:05:42,676 | 00:05:44,678 | to present and discuss issues of the day in technology, | to present and discuss issues of the day in technology, |
192 | 00:05:44,745 | 00:05:46,479 | entertainment, and design. ‐Boring! | entertainment, and design. ‐Boring! |
193 | 00:05:46,547 | 00:05:48,549 | We call it Cognitive Campfire Talks. | We call it Cognitive Campfire Talks. |
194 | 00:05:48,615 | 00:05:50,617 | We've disrupted the partying paradigm. | We've disrupted the partying paradigm. |
195 | 00:05:50,684 | 00:05:52,385 | We get buzzed on ideas. | We get buzzed on ideas. |
196 | 00:05:52,452 | 00:05:54,454 | ‐And Adderall. ‐But mostly ideas. | ‐And Adderall. ‐But mostly ideas. |
197 | 00:05:54,521 | 00:05:56,489 | Oh, where was this when I was in school? | Oh, where was this when I was in school? |
198 | 00:05:56,557 | 00:05:58,391 | We're all about leveraging knowledge | We're all about leveraging knowledge |
199 | 00:05:58,458 | 00:06:01,394 | to improve our chances in today's zero‐sum economy. | to improve our chances in today's zero‐sum economy. |
200 | 00:06:01,461 | 00:06:03,363 | That sounds fun as shit. | That sounds fun as shit. |
201 | 00:06:05,365 | 00:06:07,400 | We're about to start tonight's program. | We're about to start tonight's program. |
202 | 00:06:07,467 | 00:06:10,470 | Okay, guys, cognitive campfire is starting. | Okay, guys, cognitive campfire is starting. |
203 | 00:06:10,537 | 00:06:13,473 | May's up first, game theory for beginners. | May's up first, game theory for beginners. |
204 | 00:06:13,540 | 00:06:15,108 | (dramatic music) | (dramatic music) |
205 | 00:06:15,175 | 00:06:16,743 | Well, that sounds really interesting. | Well, that sounds really interesting. |
206 | 00:06:16,810 | 00:06:18,645 | I could use a refresher on game theory. | I could use a refresher on game theory. |
207 | 00:06:18,712 | 00:06:21,381 | So you better go stand guard now. | So you better go stand guard now. |
208 | 00:06:21,447 | 00:06:22,382 | Oh, right. | Oh, right. |
209 | 00:06:22,448 | 00:06:24,150 | Come on, let's go secure the perimeter | Come on, let's go secure the perimeter |
210 | 00:06:24,217 | 00:06:28,088 | so these nerds can make out with each other's brains. | so these nerds can make out with each other's brains. |
211 | 00:06:28,154 | 00:06:30,691 | (ominous music) | (ominous music) |
212 | 00:06:30,757 | 00:06:31,925 | (groans) | (groans) |
213 | 00:06:31,992 | 00:06:34,728 | These woods are definitely creepier than I remember. | These woods are definitely creepier than I remember. |
214 | 00:06:34,795 | 00:06:36,630 | Do you see anything? Over. | Do you see anything? Over. |
215 | 00:06:36,697 | 00:06:38,599 | Breaker one‐nine, that is a negative. | Breaker one‐nine, that is a negative. |
216 | 00:06:38,665 | 00:06:40,667 | I see nothing. | I see nothing. |
217 | 00:06:43,103 | 00:06:44,170 | Okay, like a said before, | Okay, like a said before, |
218 | 00:06:44,237 | 00:06:46,673 | please say "over" to end your transmission, okay? | please say "over" to end your transmission, okay? |
219 | 00:06:46,740 | 00:06:48,308 | ‐Over. ‐Got it. | ‐Over. ‐Got it. |
220 | 00:06:48,374 | 00:06:49,309 | Over. | Over. |
221 | 00:06:49,375 | 00:06:50,744 | Thank you, over. | Thank you, over. |
222 | 00:06:50,811 | 00:06:53,079 | ‐DAVID: You're welcome, penis. ‐(groans) | ‐DAVID: You're welcome, penis. ‐(groans) |
223 | 00:06:53,146 | 00:06:54,648 | You know, I wonder if they put their lectures on YouTube. | You know, I wonder if they put their lectures on YouTube. |
224 | 00:06:54,715 | 00:06:56,783 | I should probably check out... (gasps) | I should probably check out... (gasps) |
225 | 00:06:56,850 | 00:06:57,718 | David. | David. |
226 | 00:06:57,784 | 00:06:58,952 | Oh, my God, David, the mystery man. | Oh, my God, David, the mystery man. |
227 | 00:06:59,019 | 00:07:01,622 | What do I do? David, what do I do? | What do I do? David, what do I do? |
228 | 00:07:01,688 | 00:07:03,256 | DAVID: You can start by saying "over." | DAVID: You can start by saying "over." |
229 | 00:07:03,323 | 00:07:05,225 | This isn't funny. Over. | This isn't funny. Over. |
230 | 00:07:05,291 | 00:07:07,293 | He's coming for me. | He's coming for me. |
231 | 00:07:07,360 | 00:07:09,663 | David, help me. Over. | David, help me. Over. |
232 | 00:07:09,730 | 00:07:11,898 | (breathing heavily) | (breathing heavily) |
233 | 00:07:11,965 | 00:07:14,200 | He was so close. I felt his evil. | He was so close. I felt his evil. |
234 | 00:07:14,267 | 00:07:15,435 | What do I do? What do I do? | What do I do? What do I do? |
235 | 00:07:15,502 | 00:07:17,003 | Use your analytical mind. | Use your analytical mind. |
236 | 00:07:17,070 | 00:07:18,639 | Right, I can do this. | Right, I can do this. |
237 | 00:07:18,705 | 00:07:20,006 | Target left the clearing at 9:30 | Target left the clearing at 9:30 |
238 | 00:07:20,073 | 00:07:21,474 | traveling approximately five miles per hour. | traveling approximately five miles per hour. |
239 | 00:07:21,542 | 00:07:22,609 | You started running at 9:31. | You started running at 9:31. |
240 | 00:07:22,676 | 00:07:24,077 | If you run 30 degrees to the east | If you run 30 degrees to the east |
241 | 00:07:24,144 | 00:07:25,378 | at 5.25 miles per hour, you'll cut him off at the creek | at 5.25 miles per hour, you'll cut him off at the creek |
242 | 00:07:25,445 | 00:07:27,514 | at 9:34 p. m., over. | at 9:34 p. m., over. |
243 | 00:07:27,581 | 00:07:30,016 | I'm on it, over. | I'm on it, over. |
244 | 00:07:30,083 | 00:07:32,586 | In conclusion, the key to game theory is... | In conclusion, the key to game theory is... |
245 | 00:07:32,653 | 00:07:33,654 | (all gasp) | (all gasp) |
246 | 00:07:33,720 | 00:07:35,856 | Hi‐ho, nerds. | Hi‐ho, nerds. |
247 | 00:07:35,922 | 00:07:37,190 | Look who we got. | Look who we got. |
248 | 00:07:37,257 | 00:07:38,458 | Now they'll see who this | Now they'll see who this |
249 | 00:07:38,525 | 00:07:40,827 | non‐ghost mystery man really is. | non‐ghost mystery man really is. |
250 | 00:07:43,597 | 00:07:45,298 | ‐DAVID: Cam Smith. ‐JOHN: Exactly. | ‐DAVID: Cam Smith. ‐JOHN: Exactly. |
251 | 00:07:45,365 | 00:07:47,367 | Cam Smith. | Cam Smith. |
252 | 00:07:47,433 | 00:07:48,635 | I'm sorry. I've never heard of him. | I'm sorry. I've never heard of him. |
253 | 00:07:48,702 | 00:07:50,403 | Yeah, me neither, actually. Who's Cam Smith? | Yeah, me neither, actually. Who's Cam Smith? |
254 | 00:07:50,470 | 00:07:52,338 | Uh, he's the starting center | Uh, he's the starting center |
255 | 00:07:52,405 | 00:07:53,439 | on your high school basketball team, | on your high school basketball team, |
256 | 00:07:53,507 | 00:07:55,709 | the Junior Tobaccaneers. | the Junior Tobaccaneers. |
257 | 00:07:55,776 | 00:07:58,244 | What, you guys don't support the Junior Tobacs? | What, you guys don't support the Junior Tobacs? |
258 | 00:07:58,311 | 00:08:00,080 | All sports cause concussions. | All sports cause concussions. |
259 | 00:08:00,146 | 00:08:02,549 | Ugh, why were you hiding in the woods? | Ugh, why were you hiding in the woods? |
260 | 00:08:02,616 | 00:08:05,018 | Well, I heard about these cool lectures, | Well, I heard about these cool lectures, |
261 | 00:08:05,085 | 00:08:07,621 | well, I‐‐I knew they'd never invite me, | well, I‐‐I knew they'd never invite me, |
262 | 00:08:07,688 | 00:08:08,955 | because I'm a jock. | because I'm a jock. |
263 | 00:08:09,022 | 00:08:11,191 | But nerds are cooler than jocks now. | But nerds are cooler than jocks now. |
264 | 00:08:11,257 | 00:08:12,458 | I know. | I know. |
265 | 00:08:12,526 | 00:08:14,460 | The whole world is swirling down a toilet of madness. | The whole world is swirling down a toilet of madness. |
266 | 00:08:14,528 | 00:08:17,097 | You're welcome to join our circle of influencers, Cam. | You're welcome to join our circle of influencers, Cam. |
267 | 00:08:17,163 | 00:08:18,098 | ‐Really? ‐What? | ‐Really? ‐What? |
268 | 00:08:18,164 | 00:08:19,733 | No. What are you doing? | No. What are you doing? |
269 | 00:08:19,800 | 00:08:21,434 | You've built this beautiful intellectual oasis, | You've built this beautiful intellectual oasis, |
270 | 00:08:21,502 | 00:08:22,368 | and you're gonna let jocks in? | and you're gonna let jocks in? |
271 | 00:08:22,435 | 00:08:24,437 | Jocks will ruin it. | Jocks will ruin it. |
272 | 00:08:24,505 | 00:08:26,172 | Just like they ruined the Beastie Boys. | Just like they ruined the Beastie Boys. |
273 | 00:08:26,239 | 00:08:27,207 | But we're intersectional. | But we're intersectional. |
274 | 00:08:27,273 | 00:08:28,474 | We'd love to hear the jock perspective. | We'd love to hear the jock perspective. |
275 | 00:08:28,542 | 00:08:32,546 | Oh, the whole world is swirling down a toilet of madness. | Oh, the whole world is swirling down a toilet of madness. |
276 | 00:08:32,613 | 00:08:34,314 | Thanks for your help, guys. | Thanks for your help, guys. |
277 | 00:08:34,380 | 00:08:35,348 | Wait, I'm sorry. I've got‐‐ | Wait, I'm sorry. I've got‐‐ |
278 | 00:08:35,415 | 00:08:36,850 | I've got to say one thing before we go. | I've got to say one thing before we go. |
279 | 00:08:36,917 | 00:08:38,118 | All you nerds, listen up. | All you nerds, listen up. |
280 | 00:08:38,184 | 00:08:39,886 | This is your final lecture for the night. | This is your final lecture for the night. |
281 | 00:08:39,953 | 00:08:42,155 | Party Pines is special, you idiots. | Party Pines is special, you idiots. |
282 | 00:08:42,222 | 00:08:44,758 | Generations of Dicktown kids have goofed off right here. | Generations of Dicktown kids have goofed off right here. |
283 | 00:08:44,825 | 00:08:46,960 | This is a sacred space for acting stupid. | This is a sacred space for acting stupid. |
284 | 00:08:47,027 | 00:08:49,329 | That's why he named it Party Pines. | That's why he named it Party Pines. |
285 | 00:08:49,395 | 00:08:52,733 | And you nerds are defiling it with free lectures. | And you nerds are defiling it with free lectures. |
286 | 00:08:52,799 | 00:08:55,135 | What is this, Snapchat Epidemiology? | What is this, Snapchat Epidemiology? |
287 | 00:08:55,201 | 00:08:56,102 | What the fuck is that? | What the fuck is that? |
288 | 00:08:56,169 | 00:08:58,004 | It's shameful, son, is what it is. | It's shameful, son, is what it is. |
289 | 00:08:58,071 | 00:09:00,674 | I'm embarrassed to be a Dicktown High alumni. | I'm embarrassed to be a Dicktown High alumni. |
290 | 00:09:00,741 | 00:09:01,908 | Thank you. Good night. | Thank you. Good night. |
291 | 00:09:01,975 | 00:09:03,544 | Alumnus. | Alumnus. |
292 | 00:09:03,610 | 00:09:04,611 | What did you say? | What did you say? |
293 | 00:09:04,678 | 00:09:06,146 | You're embarrassed to be an alumnus. | You're embarrassed to be an alumnus. |
294 | 00:09:06,212 | 00:09:07,714 | "Alumni" is plural. | "Alumni" is plural. |
295 | 00:09:07,781 | 00:09:09,115 | ‐Oh, he's right, actually. ‐Ooh. | ‐Oh, he's right, actually. ‐Ooh. |
296 | 00:09:09,182 | 00:09:10,350 | You keep acting smart, | You keep acting smart, |
297 | 00:09:10,416 | 00:09:12,686 | I'll burn this whole fucking forest to the ground. | I'll burn this whole fucking forest to the ground. |
298 | 00:09:12,753 | 00:09:14,487 | John, let's go. | John, let's go. |
299 | 00:09:14,555 | 00:09:16,590 | Great lecture series, everyone. | Great lecture series, everyone. |
300 | 00:09:16,657 | 00:09:17,891 | Thanks. | Thanks. |
301 | 00:09:17,958 | 00:09:21,261 | Well, to our first non‐paranormal | Well, to our first non‐paranormal |
302 | 00:09:21,327 | 00:09:22,162 | paranormal case. | paranormal case. |
303 | 00:09:22,228 | 00:09:24,631 | And to the spirit of Party Pines, RIP. | And to the spirit of Party Pines, RIP. |
304 | 00:09:24,698 | 00:09:25,999 | Oh, David. | Oh, David. |
305 | 00:09:26,066 | 00:09:27,033 | Oh, that's gonna leak into the living room. | Oh, that's gonna leak into the living room. |
306 | 00:09:27,100 | 00:09:28,434 | ‐I'm pouring one out ‐All right. | ‐I'm pouring one out ‐All right. |
307 | 00:09:28,502 | 00:09:30,637 | I guess I'll go get a towel and clean up your mess. | I guess I'll go get a towel and clean up your mess. |
308 | 00:09:30,704 | 00:09:32,272 | ‐Okay. ‐Ugh. | ‐Okay. ‐Ugh. |
309 | 00:09:32,338 | 00:09:35,842 | (light jazzy music) | (light jazzy music) |
310 | 00:09:35,909 | 00:09:38,144 | Hey, I'm sorry we never invited you to Party Pines. | Hey, I'm sorry we never invited you to Party Pines. |
311 | 00:09:38,211 | 00:09:39,112 | JOHN: It's fine. | JOHN: It's fine. |
312 | 00:09:39,179 | 00:09:40,781 | Just we didn't like you very much. | Just we didn't like you very much. |
313 | 00:09:40,847 | 00:09:43,550 | JOHN: Well, I appreciate your honesty, I guess. | JOHN: Well, I appreciate your honesty, I guess. |
314 | 00:09:43,617 | 00:09:44,951 | DAVID: Hey, wouldn't it be weird | DAVID: Hey, wouldn't it be weird |
315 | 00:09:45,018 | 00:09:47,754 | if the lurker of Party Pines was still out there somewhere? | if the lurker of Party Pines was still out there somewhere? |
316 | 00:09:47,821 | 00:09:49,089 | I'm sorry, what? | I'm sorry, what? |
317 | 00:09:49,155 | 00:09:50,591 | DAVID: I said, wouldn't it be effed up | DAVID: I said, wouldn't it be effed up |
318 | 00:09:50,657 | 00:09:52,158 | if the lurker of Party Pines | if the lurker of Party Pines |
319 | 00:09:52,225 | 00:09:54,427 | was still alive out there somewhere? | was still alive out there somewhere? |
320 | 00:09:54,494 | 00:09:56,897 | Oh, David, that is a mystery | Oh, David, that is a mystery |
321 | 00:09:56,963 | 00:09:59,399 | that will never be solved. | that will never be solved. |
322 | 00:09:59,465 | 00:10:00,701 | What? | What? |
323 | 00:10:00,767 | 00:10:03,670 | That is a mystery that will never be solved. | That is a mystery that will never be solved. |
324 | 00:10:03,737 | 00:10:05,706 | Wait, what? | Wait, what? |
325 | 00:10:05,772 | 00:10:06,973 | That is a mystery that will never be solved. | That is a mystery that will never be solved. |
326 | 00:10:07,040 | 00:10:09,042 | DAVID: Dude, I can't hear you. What are you saying? | DAVID: Dude, I can't hear you. What are you saying? |
327 | 00:10:09,109 | 00:10:10,376 | It's a mystery that will never be solved. | It's a mystery that will never be solved. |
328 | 00:10:10,443 | 00:10:12,112 | DAVID: I still can't hear you. What are you saying? | DAVID: I still can't hear you. What are you saying? |
329 | 00:10:12,178 | 00:10:14,781 | Nothing! | Nothing! |