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| # | Start | End | Original | Translated |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 00:00:47,782 | 00:00:50,985 | Captioning made possible by Trimark Pictures | Captioning made possible by Trimark Pictures |
| 2 | 00:00:52,187 | 00:00:54,032 | ♪ You got to face it | ♪ You got to face it |
| 3 | 00:00:54,056 | 00:00:59,161 | ♪ love makes no sense | ♪ love makes no sense |
| 4 | 00:01:01,296 | 00:01:03,274 | ♪ don't try to fight it | ♪ don't try to fight it |
| 5 | 00:01:03,298 | 00:01:07,245 | ♪ all your defenses are useless ♪ | ♪ all your defenses are useless ♪ |
| 6 | 00:01:07,269 | 00:01:11,149 | ♪ To you now | ♪ To you now |
| 7 | 00:01:11,173 | 00:01:12,750 | ♪ when you leave this room | ♪ when you leave this room |
| 8 | 00:01:12,774 | 00:01:17,479 | ♪ all you will think about is me ♪ | ♪ all you will think about is me ♪ |
| 9 | 00:01:19,414 | 00:01:22,360 | ♪ I'll be every song on your radio ♪ | ♪ I'll be every song on your radio ♪ |
| 10 | 00:01:22,384 | 00:01:25,696 | ♪ Everything on your TV | ♪ Everything on your TV |
| 11 | 00:01:25,720 | 00:01:27,631 | ♪ just wait and see | ♪ just wait and see |
| 12 | 00:01:27,655 | 00:01:33,304 | ♪ even though you never looked at me ♪ | ♪ even though you never looked at me ♪ |
| 13 | 00:01:33,328 | 00:01:38,676 | ♪ I know the real you is behind those eyes ♪ | ♪ I know the real you is behind those eyes ♪ |
| 14 | 00:01:38,700 | 00:01:44,615 | ♪ Every true story is full of lies ♪ | ♪ Every true story is full of lies ♪ |
| 15 | 00:01:44,639 | 00:01:47,751 | ♪ That lead to | ♪ That lead to |
| 16 | 00:01:48,676 | 00:01:51,555 | ♪ The real you | ♪ The real you |
| 17 | 00:01:56,151 | 00:01:59,187 | Hi. This is Eli. Leave a message. | Hi. This is Eli. Leave a message. |
| 18 | 00:02:00,688 | 00:02:03,567 | Hey. It's Tom... | Hey. It's Tom... |
| 19 | 00:02:03,591 | 00:02:05,469 | Again. Um... | Again. Um... |
| 20 | 00:02:05,493 | 00:02:07,671 | Call me. | Call me. |
| 21 | 00:02:07,695 | 00:02:13,277 | ♪ I'll take you by the hand and soon I'll pull your heart ♪ | ♪ I'll take you by the hand and soon I'll pull your heart ♪ |
| 22 | 00:02:13,301 | 00:02:18,716 | ♪ Out of your body, and there is no way ♪ | ♪ Out of your body, and there is no way ♪ |
| 23 | 00:02:18,740 | 00:02:21,285 | ♪ You can escape me | ♪ You can escape me |
| 24 | 00:02:21,309 | 00:02:26,390 | ♪ I know the real you is behind those eyes ♪ | ♪ I know the real you is behind those eyes ♪ |
| 25 | 00:02:27,249 | 00:02:32,263 | ♪ Every true story is full of lies ♪ | ♪ Every true story is full of lies ♪ |
| 26 | 00:02:32,287 | 00:02:36,434 | ♪ That lead to | ♪ That lead to |
| 27 | 00:02:36,458 | 00:02:40,138 | ♪ the real you | ♪ the real you |
| 28 | 00:02:40,162 | 00:02:47,802 | ♪ the real you | ♪ the real you |
| 29 | 00:02:49,704 | 00:02:54,718 | ♪ real you | ♪ real you |
| 30 | 00:02:54,742 | 00:02:59,690 | ♪ real you | ♪ real you |
| 31 | 00:02:59,714 | 00:03:06,154 | ♪ real... You | ♪ real... You |
| 32 | 00:03:09,891 | 00:03:12,703 | um... hi, I'm Eli Wyckoff. | um... hi, I'm Eli Wyckoff. |
| 33 | 00:03:12,727 | 00:03:14,205 | I'm here for my test results. | I'm here for my test results. |
| 34 | 00:03:14,229 | 00:03:15,773 | And you're about an hour early. | And you're about an hour early. |
| 35 | 00:03:15,797 | 00:03:17,475 | Why don't you go get yourself some coffee? | Why don't you go get yourself some coffee? |
| 36 | 00:03:17,499 | 00:03:19,777 | Oh, I'm... I'm going to wait, if that's okay. | Oh, I'm... I'm going to wait, if that's okay. |
| 37 | 00:03:19,801 | 00:03:21,636 | Okay. All right. | Okay. All right. |
| 38 | 00:03:26,774 | 00:03:28,743 | This your first time? | This your first time? |
| 39 | 00:03:29,511 | 00:03:31,489 | My... my first? | My... my first? |
| 40 | 00:03:31,513 | 00:03:33,757 | No. No. | No. No. |
| 41 | 00:03:33,781 | 00:03:38,620 | I have this habit of getting tested after every boy... | I have this habit of getting tested after every boy... |
| 42 | 00:03:39,221 | 00:03:41,765 | Guy that I ever... You know. | Guy that I ever... You know. |
| 43 | 00:03:41,789 | 00:03:44,802 | Well, there's only been like 3 in the past few... | Well, there's only been like 3 in the past few... |
| 44 | 00:03:44,826 | 00:03:49,440 | Oh... this is the third, so it's not really a habit... | Oh... this is the third, so it's not really a habit... |
| 45 | 00:03:49,464 | 00:03:50,508 | Yet. Uh-huh | Yet. Uh-huh |
| 46 | 00:03:50,532 | 00:03:52,610 | oh, no! It's not like I think there's even a chance | oh, no! It's not like I think there's even a chance |
| 47 | 00:03:52,634 | 00:03:55,679 | that I have... You know. | that I have... You know. |
| 48 | 00:03:55,703 | 00:03:56,814 | I know the dangers. | I know the dangers. |
| 49 | 00:03:56,838 | 00:03:58,849 | I do the police blotter for the Hollywood news, | I do the police blotter for the Hollywood news, |
| 50 | 00:03:58,873 | 00:04:02,486 | so... me and danger are like this. | so... me and danger are like this. |
| 51 | 00:04:02,510 | 00:04:03,787 | So why are you here? | So why are you here? |
| 52 | 00:04:05,647 | 00:04:08,459 | Feedback clinic. This is Esther. | Feedback clinic. This is Esther. |
| 53 | 00:04:08,483 | 00:04:10,261 | Uh-huh... | Uh-huh... |
| 54 | 00:04:10,285 | 00:04:12,354 | Well, did you suck his dick? | Well, did you suck his dick? |
| 55 | 00:04:12,620 | 00:04:14,698 | Then you better come in. | Then you better come in. |
| 56 | 00:04:14,722 | 00:04:16,424 | Okay. | Okay. |
| 57 | 00:04:19,761 | 00:04:21,672 | Hi, I'm Tom. | Hi, I'm Tom. |
| 58 | 00:04:21,696 | 00:04:23,774 | And... i'm an alcoholic. | And... i'm an alcoholic. |
| 59 | 00:04:23,798 | 00:04:25,633 | Hi, Tom. | Hi, Tom. |
| 60 | 00:04:26,768 | 00:04:28,946 | So, um... | So, um... |
| 61 | 00:04:28,970 | 00:04:31,649 | I'm 10 days away from my 30-day chip. | I'm 10 days away from my 30-day chip. |
| 62 | 00:04:39,981 | 00:04:42,484 | Yeah, um... Anyway. | Yeah, um... Anyway. |
| 63 | 00:04:43,985 | 00:04:46,264 | Both my parents are drunks. | Both my parents are drunks. |
| 64 | 00:04:46,288 | 00:04:52,703 | But, um... I still don't feel like I belong here. | But, um... I still don't feel like I belong here. |
| 65 | 00:04:52,727 | 00:04:54,429 | You know? | You know? |
| 66 | 00:04:55,029 | 00:04:57,641 | I mean, I go to flea markets. | I mean, I go to flea markets. |
| 67 | 00:04:57,665 | 00:05:04,682 | I vote. Even for, like, school board and... and prop... whatever. | I vote. Even for, like, school board and... and prop... whatever. |
| 68 | 00:05:04,706 | 00:05:06,584 | I-I-I'm a special ed teacher, for Christ's sake. | I-I-I'm a special ed teacher, for Christ's sake. |
| 69 | 00:05:06,608 | 00:05:07,818 | It's not like I'm this Hollywood has-been, | It's not like I'm this Hollywood has-been, |
| 70 | 00:05:07,842 | 00:05:12,880 | crouched in an airport bathroom, sucking on a can of final net. | crouched in an airport bathroom, sucking on a can of final net. |
| 71 | 00:05:13,715 | 00:05:17,752 | So... why am I here? | So... why am I here? |
| 72 | 00:05:19,821 | 00:05:21,556 | The truth? | The truth? |
| 73 | 00:05:23,391 | 00:05:25,660 | Truth is, I met a guy. | Truth is, I met a guy. |
| 74 | 00:05:26,661 | 00:05:32,976 | And if... I had to pick a... I don't know, a trigger, | And if... I had to pick a... I don't know, a trigger, |
| 75 | 00:05:33,000 | 00:05:36,704 | you know, I'd... I'd have to say it was all over this guy. | you know, I'd... I'd have to say it was all over this guy. |
| 76 | 00:05:37,805 | 00:05:42,620 | But, whatever. You know what? Who cares... How it happened. | But, whatever. You know what? Who cares... How it happened. |
| 77 | 00:05:42,644 | 00:05:44,946 | Bottom line is I'm here. | Bottom line is I'm here. |
| 78 | 00:05:46,648 | 00:05:48,025 | And I quit drinking... And guys, | And I quit drinking... And guys, |
| 79 | 00:05:48,049 | 00:05:50,785 | because I can't be trusted with either! | because I can't be trusted with either! |
| 80 | 00:05:54,356 | 00:05:56,424 | Thanks. | Thanks. |
| 81 | 00:05:59,694 | 00:06:01,805 | Nice going. | Nice going. |
| 82 | 00:06:01,829 | 00:06:02,873 | Oh. Ha ha. | Oh. Ha ha. |
| 83 | 00:06:02,897 | 00:06:05,042 | Yeah, well, I'll get it right one of these times. | Yeah, well, I'll get it right one of these times. |
| 84 | 00:06:05,066 | 00:06:06,076 | It sounded right to me. | It sounded right to me. |
| 85 | 00:06:06,100 | 00:06:08,446 | It's like you were telling my story. | It's like you were telling my story. |
| 86 | 00:06:08,470 | 00:06:09,580 | Yeah? Yeah. | Yeah? Yeah. |
| 87 | 00:06:09,604 | 00:06:11,682 | Well, I shared first, so I get dibs on the book rights. | Well, I shared first, so I get dibs on the book rights. |
| 88 | 00:06:11,706 | 00:06:13,050 | That's fair. | That's fair. |
| 89 | 00:06:13,074 | 00:06:14,652 | So tell me about the guy. | So tell me about the guy. |
| 90 | 00:06:14,676 | 00:06:18,489 | Uh, you know what? No. I don't want to keep you from... | Uh, you know what? No. I don't want to keep you from... |
| 91 | 00:06:18,513 | 00:06:19,189 | What? From what? | What? From what? |
| 92 | 00:06:19,213 | 00:06:20,123 | The important things in life, | The important things in life, |
| 93 | 00:06:20,147 | 00:06:20,991 | like stapling or filing? | like stapling or filing? |
| 94 | 00:06:21,015 | 00:06:24,428 | Oh, please! I couldn't be more bored. | Oh, please! I couldn't be more bored. |
| 95 | 00:06:24,452 | 00:06:25,429 | So this thing with that guy? | So this thing with that guy? |
| 96 | 00:06:25,453 | 00:06:27,398 | You seem pretty healthy with it. | You seem pretty healthy with it. |
| 97 | 00:06:27,422 | 00:06:29,600 | Only to the sight- and hearing-impaired. | Only to the sight- and hearing-impaired. |
| 98 | 00:06:30,257 | 00:06:31,669 | Pull up your chair, honey. | Pull up your chair, honey. |
| 99 | 00:06:31,693 | 00:06:34,629 | This one? Yeah. Move up. | This one? Yeah. Move up. |
| 100 | 00:06:38,866 | 00:06:42,613 | So, you and your boyfriend. You broke up. | So, you and your boyfriend. You broke up. |
| 101 | 00:06:42,637 | 00:06:44,014 | Oh, boyfriend. I don't know. | Oh, boyfriend. I don't know. |
| 102 | 00:06:44,038 | 00:06:45,015 | I don't know. | I don't know. |
| 103 | 00:06:45,039 | 00:06:48,719 | I don't know, but... but things just got too... | I don't know, but... but things just got too... |
| 104 | 00:06:48,743 | 00:06:49,687 | Too! | Too! |
| 105 | 00:06:49,711 | 00:06:51,689 | You know? And I choked. | You know? And I choked. |
| 106 | 00:06:51,713 | 00:06:52,923 | I'm an alcoholic. You do the math. | I'm an alcoholic. You do the math. |
| 107 | 00:06:52,947 | 00:06:56,126 | We met on a blind date, which sucked. | We met on a blind date, which sucked. |
| 108 | 00:06:56,150 | 00:06:58,629 | Then we became friends, and... | Then we became friends, and... |
| 109 | 00:06:58,653 | 00:07:00,030 | Now we don't speak to each other. | Now we don't speak to each other. |
| 110 | 00:07:00,054 | 00:07:01,565 | So, a happy ending. | So, a happy ending. |
| 111 | 00:07:01,589 | 00:07:04,468 | How did we meet. | How did we meet. |
| 112 | 00:07:04,492 | 00:07:05,803 | It all started with this phone call | It all started with this phone call |
| 113 | 00:07:05,827 | 00:07:07,838 | from my best friend, Jackie. | from my best friend, Jackie. |
| 114 | 00:07:08,730 | 00:07:10,941 | Tom! Pick up. | Tom! Pick up. |
| 115 | 00:07:10,965 | 00:07:14,736 | Pick up. Pick up. Pick up. Pick up. Pick up. Pick up. | Pick up. Pick up. Pick up. Pick up. Pick up. Pick up. |
| 116 | 00:07:15,670 | 00:07:17,147 | Damn it. Where are you? | Damn it. Where are you? |
| 117 | 00:07:17,171 | 00:07:18,716 | I'm at a pay phone, 'cause I can't get | I'm at a pay phone, 'cause I can't get |
| 118 | 00:07:18,740 | 00:07:19,917 | my piece of shit cell phone to work | my piece of shit cell phone to work |
| 119 | 00:07:19,941 | 00:07:22,786 | unless I'm standing on my head with my fingers up my ass. | unless I'm standing on my head with my fingers up my ass. |
| 120 | 00:07:22,810 | 00:07:24,788 | Whoo hoo! Yeah! | Whoo hoo! Yeah! |
| 121 | 00:07:24,812 | 00:07:26,457 | Fuck you! | Fuck you! |
| 122 | 00:07:26,481 | 00:07:28,526 | Anyway, um... Listen. | Anyway, um... Listen. |
| 123 | 00:07:28,550 | 00:07:30,728 | Uh, what are you doing Friday night? | Uh, what are you doing Friday night? |
| 124 | 00:07:30,752 | 00:07:31,929 | 'Cause I just met this guy Brett | 'Cause I just met this guy Brett |
| 125 | 00:07:31,953 | 00:07:33,431 | at a furniture store on Montana, | at a furniture store on Montana, |
| 126 | 00:07:33,455 | 00:07:36,500 | and he showed me this great love seat to die for, | and he showed me this great love seat to die for, |
| 127 | 00:07:36,524 | 00:07:38,736 | and I think I could get it wholesale. | and I think I could get it wholesale. |
| 128 | 00:07:38,760 | 00:07:42,564 | There's just, um, one catch. | There's just, um, one catch. |
| 129 | 00:07:47,935 | 00:07:50,581 | ♪ Everything I want, you got it ♪ | ♪ Everything I want, you got it ♪ |
| 130 | 00:07:50,605 | 00:07:52,916 | ♪ Everything I need, you own it ♪ | ♪ Everything I need, you own it ♪ |
| 131 | 00:07:52,940 | 00:07:55,886 | ♪ Everything I need, you got it ♪ | ♪ Everything I need, you got it ♪ |
| 132 | 00:07:55,910 | 00:07:58,155 | ♪ Everything in me, you want it ♪ | ♪ Everything in me, you want it ♪ |
| 133 | 00:07:58,179 | 00:08:01,024 | ♪ Everything I want, you got it ♪ | ♪ Everything I want, you got it ♪ |
| 134 | 00:08:01,048 | 00:08:03,594 | ♪ Everything I need, you own it ♪ | ♪ Everything I need, you own it ♪ |
| 135 | 00:08:03,618 | 00:08:06,664 | ♪ Everything I need, you got it ♪ | ♪ Everything I need, you got it ♪ |
| 136 | 00:08:06,688 | 00:08:09,967 | ♪ Everything in me, you want it ♪ | ♪ Everything in me, you want it ♪ |
| 137 | 00:08:09,991 | 00:08:11,502 | An-an-any luck? | An-an-any luck? |
| 138 | 00:08:11,526 | 00:08:13,904 | Oh! Uh... With? | Oh! Uh... With? |
| 139 | 00:08:13,928 | 00:08:15,005 | Oh, I don't know. I just figured by now | Oh, I don't know. I just figured by now |
| 140 | 00:08:15,029 | 00:08:17,708 | you'd be looking for change beneath the seat cushions. | you'd be looking for change beneath the seat cushions. |
| 141 | 00:08:17,732 | 00:08:19,777 | Oh, god. You did... you saw me? | Oh, god. You did... you saw me? |
| 142 | 00:08:19,801 | 00:08:21,745 | Um, yeah, no. The whole routine. | Um, yeah, no. The whole routine. |
| 143 | 00:08:21,769 | 00:08:22,913 | The little dance thing. | The little dance thing. |
| 144 | 00:08:22,937 | 00:08:24,482 | Oh, that's great. That's great. | Oh, that's great. That's great. |
| 145 | 00:08:24,506 | 00:08:25,749 | Now I'm thoroughly mortified. | Now I'm thoroughly mortified. |
| 146 | 00:08:25,773 | 00:08:26,950 | No, you're fine. | No, you're fine. |
| 147 | 00:08:26,974 | 00:08:27,685 | Don't... don't... don't worry about it. | Don't... don't... don't worry about it. |
| 148 | 00:08:27,709 | 00:08:29,487 | Well, I know. But now it's, um, | Well, I know. But now it's, um, |
| 149 | 00:08:29,511 | 00:08:32,089 | it's your turn to do something humiliating. | it's your turn to do something humiliating. |
| 150 | 00:08:32,113 | 00:08:34,892 | Oh, well, I... I work in a furniture store, | Oh, well, I... I work in a furniture store, |
| 151 | 00:08:34,916 | 00:08:36,960 | so I've pretty much covered those bases. | so I've pretty much covered those bases. |
| 152 | 00:08:37,852 | 00:08:38,929 | Well, hello! Hey. | Well, hello! Hey. |
| 153 | 00:08:38,953 | 00:08:41,899 | What's humiliating about an employee discount, right? | What's humiliating about an employee discount, right? |
| 154 | 00:08:41,923 | 00:08:43,000 | Which, by the way, | Which, by the way, |
| 155 | 00:08:43,024 | 00:08:45,168 | does that apply to this sort of wheelie cartie thing? | does that apply to this sort of wheelie cartie thing? |
| 156 | 00:08:45,192 | 00:08:46,937 | 'Cause this is yummy. Right. Look. | 'Cause this is yummy. Right. Look. |
| 157 | 00:08:46,961 | 00:08:48,539 | "A"... I get 10% off of this crap, | "A"... I get 10% off of this crap, |
| 158 | 00:08:48,563 | 00:08:49,807 | and "B"... you know, I don't... I don't know if the whole | and "B"... you know, I don't... I don't know if the whole |
| 159 | 00:08:49,831 | 00:08:54,512 | clockwork orange come Ikea thing is really your scene? | clockwork orange come Ikea thing is really your scene? |
| 160 | 00:08:54,536 | 00:08:55,178 | Honestly. | Honestly. |
| 161 | 00:08:55,202 | 00:08:56,179 | Quite a salesman. | Quite a salesman. |
| 162 | 00:08:56,203 | 00:08:59,783 | Yeah, I don't even know what half this shit is. | Yeah, I don't even know what half this shit is. |
| 163 | 00:08:59,807 | 00:09:00,984 | Okay. Great. | Okay. Great. |
| 164 | 00:09:01,008 | 00:09:02,085 | Well, you know what, though? | Well, you know what, though? |
| 165 | 00:09:02,109 | 00:09:05,723 | My heart does kind of beat faster for this love seat. | My heart does kind of beat faster for this love seat. |
| 166 | 00:09:05,747 | 00:09:06,724 | Oh, you're kidding! | Oh, you're kidding! |
| 167 | 00:09:06,748 | 00:09:07,791 | Why? Do you hate it? | Why? Do you hate it? |
| 168 | 00:09:07,815 | 00:09:11,294 | No, I... it's the only thing in the store that's mine. | No, I... it's the only thing in the store that's mine. |
| 169 | 00:09:11,318 | 00:09:11,962 | Yours? | Yours? |
| 170 | 00:09:11,986 | 00:09:13,831 | Uh, one of my designs, yeah. | Uh, one of my designs, yeah. |
| 171 | 00:09:13,855 | 00:09:16,534 | Oh! You're a designer. | Oh! You're a designer. |
| 172 | 00:09:16,558 | 00:09:17,300 | Yeah, yeah. No, this... | Yeah, yeah. No, this... |
| 173 | 00:09:17,324 | 00:09:19,069 | This was one of my first projects. | This was one of my first projects. |
| 174 | 00:09:19,093 | 00:09:21,304 | Well, I love it. Thank you. | Well, I love it. Thank you. |
| 175 | 00:09:21,328 | 00:09:22,072 | Uh, what is the color? | Uh, what is the color? |
| 176 | 00:09:22,096 | 00:09:24,307 | Sort of a yellow, beige, yellow... | Sort of a yellow, beige, yellow... |
| 177 | 00:09:24,331 | 00:09:24,975 | Buttercup. | Buttercup. |
| 178 | 00:09:24,999 | 00:09:26,644 | Buttercup? | Buttercup? |
| 179 | 00:09:26,668 | 00:09:28,570 | Buttercup. | Buttercup. |
| 180 | 00:09:31,939 | 00:09:33,016 | I'm... I'm not gay. Okay? | I'm... I'm not gay. Okay? |
| 181 | 00:09:33,040 | 00:09:34,117 | Just 'cause I say butter... you know. | Just 'cause I say butter... you know. |
| 182 | 00:09:34,141 | 00:09:36,319 | You know, I have this argument with Eli all the time. | You know, I have this argument with Eli all the time. |
| 183 | 00:09:36,343 | 00:09:37,354 | God damn it, man. | God damn it, man. |
| 184 | 00:09:37,378 | 00:09:38,689 | You know, honestly, just 'cause I say buttercup | You know, honestly, just 'cause I say buttercup |
| 185 | 00:09:38,713 | 00:09:39,557 | doesn't mean I'm gay, you know? | doesn't mean I'm gay, you know? |
| 186 | 00:09:39,581 | 00:09:40,858 | Or I used to be gay, or I want to be gay. | Or I used to be gay, or I want to be gay. |
| 187 | 00:09:40,882 | 00:09:42,092 | Not gay, you know, just very... | Not gay, you know, just very... |
| 188 | 00:09:42,116 | 00:09:45,963 | Particular about the nomenclature I use regarding my palette. | Particular about the nomenclature I use regarding my palette. |
| 189 | 00:09:45,987 | 00:09:48,966 | And, uh, who's Eli? The boyfriend? | And, uh, who's Eli? The boyfriend? |
| 190 | 00:09:48,990 | 00:09:50,000 | Right! No, no. | Right! No, no. |
| 191 | 00:09:50,024 | 00:09:52,269 | He's my... he's my, you know, he's my best friend, | He's my... he's my, you know, he's my best friend, |
| 192 | 00:09:52,293 | 00:09:54,137 | who happens... happens to be gay. | who happens... happens to be gay. |
| 193 | 00:09:54,161 | 00:09:56,273 | Well, you know what I think? | Well, you know what I think? |
| 194 | 00:09:56,297 | 00:09:57,641 | I think you're one of those guys who, | I think you're one of those guys who, |
| 195 | 00:09:57,665 | 00:10:00,644 | you know, sort of flirts with a girl, maybe even takes her to dinner, | you know, sort of flirts with a girl, maybe even takes her to dinner, |
| 196 | 00:10:00,668 | 00:10:02,145 | and then, you know, when push comes to shove, | and then, you know, when push comes to shove, |
| 197 | 00:10:02,169 | 00:10:04,982 | the only frenching you'll be doing with her are her braids. | the only frenching you'll be doing with her are her braids. |
| 198 | 00:10:05,006 | 00:10:06,249 | Well! That's pretty sassy. | Well! That's pretty sassy. |
| 199 | 00:10:06,273 | 00:10:07,985 | So you've been braided a lot recently? | So you've been braided a lot recently? |
| 200 | 00:10:08,009 | 00:10:09,186 | No, I... look, I know gay men. | No, I... look, I know gay men. |
| 201 | 00:10:09,210 | 00:10:10,854 | Okay? I practically invented them. Oh, okay. | Okay? I practically invented them. Oh, okay. |
| 202 | 00:10:10,878 | 00:10:12,790 | You know? And there's no such thing as a straight guy | You know? And there's no such thing as a straight guy |
| 203 | 00:10:12,814 | 00:10:15,693 | with a gay best friend he's not fucking. | with a gay best friend he's not fucking. |
| 204 | 00:10:15,717 | 00:10:16,994 | Hey! Don't give me that look, all right? What? | Hey! Don't give me that look, all right? What? |
| 205 | 00:10:17,018 | 00:10:20,798 | My friend Tom... who by the way, is single, if you're interested... | My friend Tom... who by the way, is single, if you're interested... |
| 206 | 00:10:20,822 | 00:10:21,832 | Yeah, he's the first to agree. | Yeah, he's the first to agree. |
| 207 | 00:10:21,856 | 00:10:24,134 | Right, right. Uh, okay. Well, thanks for the tip. | Right, right. Uh, okay. Well, thanks for the tip. |
| 208 | 00:10:24,158 | 00:10:27,070 | I'm not particularly interested in... in... in Tom. | I'm not particularly interested in... in... in Tom. |
| 209 | 00:10:27,094 | 00:10:31,933 | Uh, unless, of course, I mean, he has your eyes. | Uh, unless, of course, I mean, he has your eyes. |
| 210 | 00:10:39,807 | 00:10:41,952 | So, there's actually a chance that he didn't hate my guts, | So, there's actually a chance that he didn't hate my guts, |
| 211 | 00:10:41,976 | 00:10:47,658 | and I could be having his children on that kick-ass, buttercup love seat. | and I could be having his children on that kick-ass, buttercup love seat. |
| 212 | 00:10:47,682 | 00:10:48,992 | Which is where you come in. | Which is where you come in. |
| 213 | 00:10:49,016 | 00:10:50,360 | I was like, great! | I was like, great! |
| 214 | 00:10:50,384 | 00:10:52,930 | I figured next she'll be asking me to blow some guy for 3-day blinds. | I figured next she'll be asking me to blow some guy for 3-day blinds. |
| 215 | 00:10:53,520 | 00:10:54,197 | You know in the movies, | You know in the movies, |
| 216 | 00:10:54,221 | 00:10:55,565 | when a guy's in the supermarket | when a guy's in the supermarket |
| 217 | 00:10:55,589 | 00:10:59,069 | and he accidentally bumps shopping carts with the love of his life? | and he accidentally bumps shopping carts with the love of his life? |
| 218 | 00:10:59,093 | 00:11:00,037 | Mm-hmm. Yeah, well. | Mm-hmm. Yeah, well. |
| 219 | 00:11:00,061 | 00:11:02,105 | The last few times I bumped carts with anyone, | The last few times I bumped carts with anyone, |
| 220 | 00:11:02,129 | 00:11:04,942 | they looked like they were fresh off the special bus. | they looked like they were fresh off the special bus. |
| 221 | 00:11:04,966 | 00:11:07,845 | That is why I let my friends fix me up. | That is why I let my friends fix me up. |
| 222 | 00:11:14,041 | 00:11:18,021 | Hi. This is Eli. Leave a message. | Hi. This is Eli. Leave a message. |
| 223 | 00:11:18,045 | 00:11:19,256 | Eli, you there? | Eli, you there? |
| 224 | 00:11:19,280 | 00:11:20,691 | Buddy? Hello, hello. | Buddy? Hello, hello. |
| 225 | 00:11:20,715 | 00:11:22,726 | That's right. There's an x-file marathon on. | That's right. There's an x-file marathon on. |
| 226 | 00:11:22,750 | 00:11:26,396 | I cannot believe I'm friends with a Trekkie. It's pathetic. | I cannot believe I'm friends with a Trekkie. It's pathetic. |
| 227 | 00:11:26,420 | 00:11:28,031 | Okay, I am not a Trekkie. You got that? | Okay, I am not a Trekkie. You got that? |
| 228 | 00:11:28,055 | 00:11:29,366 | I just like the x-files. | I just like the x-files. |
| 229 | 00:11:29,390 | 00:11:31,301 | I believe the truth is out there. Don't you? | I believe the truth is out there. Don't you? |
| 230 | 00:11:31,325 | 00:11:33,136 | Yeah, whatever. Look, man. I, uh... | Yeah, whatever. Look, man. I, uh... |
| 231 | 00:11:33,160 | 00:11:34,137 | Fully hooked you up. | Fully hooked you up. |
| 232 | 00:11:34,161 | 00:11:35,973 | You have a date on Friday night. | You have a date on Friday night. |
| 233 | 00:11:35,997 | 00:11:37,875 | What a minute. What?! | What a minute. What?! |
| 234 | 00:11:37,899 | 00:11:38,642 | Mmm, yep, that's right. | Mmm, yep, that's right. |
| 235 | 00:11:38,666 | 00:11:39,509 | Your losing streak is over, my man. | Your losing streak is over, my man. |
| 236 | 00:11:39,533 | 00:11:41,779 | He's, uh, a total stud, like a big guy. | He's, uh, a total stud, like a big guy. |
| 237 | 00:11:41,803 | 00:11:42,880 | Okay, you always say that. | Okay, you always say that. |
| 238 | 00:11:42,904 | 00:11:43,947 | It's like entry level. | It's like entry level. |
| 239 | 00:11:43,971 | 00:11:44,815 | It means he's got nipples. | It means he's got nipples. |
| 240 | 00:11:44,839 | 00:11:46,016 | For you, that'd be a step up. | For you, that'd be a step up. |
| 241 | 00:11:46,040 | 00:11:47,317 | Ha ha. That's funny. | Ha ha. That's funny. |
| 242 | 00:11:47,341 | 00:11:49,286 | Anyway, like, uh, his, uh, his friend Jackie came into the store. | Anyway, like, uh, his, uh, his friend Jackie came into the store. |
| 243 | 00:11:49,310 | 00:11:50,988 | I completely hit it off. Yikes! | I completely hit it off. Yikes! |
| 244 | 00:11:51,012 | 00:11:53,456 | Let me tell you. She's got unbelievable K.B. | Let me tell you. She's got unbelievable K.B. |
| 245 | 00:11:53,480 | 00:11:55,125 | What is that? Killer butt? No. | What is that? Killer butt? No. |
| 246 | 00:11:55,149 | 00:11:56,026 | Killer boobs. | Killer boobs. |
| 247 | 00:11:56,050 | 00:11:58,295 | Anyway, she told me about her friend Tom. | Anyway, she told me about her friend Tom. |
| 248 | 00:11:58,319 | 00:11:59,462 | Uh, sounds like a nice guy. | Uh, sounds like a nice guy. |
| 249 | 00:11:59,486 | 00:12:01,231 | I, uh, I told... I lied, basically. | I, uh, I told... I lied, basically. |
| 250 | 00:12:01,255 | 00:12:02,332 | I said you were a great guy. | I said you were a great guy. |
| 251 | 00:12:02,356 | 00:12:03,333 | Told her about you. That's really nice. | Told her about you. That's really nice. |
| 252 | 00:12:03,357 | 00:12:05,035 | And now you two have to go out on Friday night. | And now you two have to go out on Friday night. |
| 253 | 00:12:05,059 | 00:12:06,436 | Okay, wait a minute, says who? That's... | Okay, wait a minute, says who? That's... |
| 254 | 00:12:06,460 | 00:12:07,604 | Hold on. Someone's at the door. | Hold on. Someone's at the door. |
| 255 | 00:12:07,628 | 00:12:08,638 | Actually, you know what? Can I... can I call you right back? | Actually, you know what? Can I... can I call you right back? |
| 256 | 00:12:08,662 | 00:12:11,041 | I just showed up at my loser gay friend's place. | I just showed up at my loser gay friend's place. |
| 257 | 00:12:11,065 | 00:12:11,775 | I'll call you back. | I'll call you back. |
| 258 | 00:12:11,799 | 00:12:12,943 | That's funny. It's mainly junk. | That's funny. It's mainly junk. |
| 259 | 00:12:12,967 | 00:12:15,913 | Umm, anyway, look. I know it didn't go all so, you know, | Umm, anyway, look. I know it didn't go all so, you know, |
| 260 | 00:12:15,937 | 00:12:18,982 | that well the last time with, uh... Richard, was it? | that well the last time with, uh... Richard, was it? |
| 261 | 00:12:19,006 | 00:12:21,218 | Rita! From ups. She was a woman! | Rita! From ups. She was a woman! |
| 262 | 00:12:21,242 | 00:12:23,486 | Whatever, you know. She was still gay. | Whatever, you know. She was still gay. |
| 263 | 00:12:23,510 | 00:12:25,255 | That's your problem. You're so picky. | That's your problem. You're so picky. |
| 264 | 00:12:25,279 | 00:12:27,725 | Anyway, you yourself said she had K.B. | Anyway, you yourself said she had K.B. |
| 265 | 00:12:27,749 | 00:12:28,892 | Killer... boobs? No, butt. | Killer... boobs? No, butt. |
| 266 | 00:12:28,916 | 00:12:31,261 | Okay, you know, the whole initial thing? It's got to stop. | Okay, you know, the whole initial thing? It's got to stop. |
| 267 | 00:12:31,285 | 00:12:34,131 | And P.S. I never said K.B. I said K.G. B. | And P.S. I never said K.B. I said K.G. B. |
| 268 | 00:12:34,155 | 00:12:36,233 | Killer garlic breath. Oh. | Killer garlic breath. Oh. |
| 269 | 00:12:36,257 | 00:12:37,400 | Whatever. Look. | Whatever. Look. |
| 270 | 00:12:37,424 | 00:12:38,235 | The bottom line is, | The bottom line is, |
| 271 | 00:12:38,259 | 00:12:41,138 | I made a reservation for you, for Tom, | I made a reservation for you, for Tom, |
| 272 | 00:12:41,162 | 00:12:43,206 | Friday night at Nick's, 8:00. Be there or be square. | Friday night at Nick's, 8:00. Be there or be square. |
| 273 | 00:12:43,230 | 00:12:44,842 | Okay, you know, I hate it when people say that, | Okay, you know, I hate it when people say that, |
| 274 | 00:12:44,866 | 00:12:46,209 | 'cause even when I'm there, I'm square, | 'cause even when I'm there, I'm square, |
| 275 | 00:12:46,233 | 00:12:47,177 | so what is the incentive? | so what is the incentive? |
| 276 | 00:12:47,201 | 00:12:49,146 | Well, he's a teacher. Sounds like a great guy. | Well, he's a teacher. Sounds like a great guy. |
| 277 | 00:12:49,170 | 00:12:51,214 | Maybe you'll get lucky. You'll have to stay after class. | Maybe you'll get lucky. You'll have to stay after class. |
| 278 | 00:12:51,238 | 00:12:52,349 | All right? Detention? | All right? Detention? |
| 279 | 00:12:52,373 | 00:12:53,416 | You like that sort of thing, don't you? | You like that sort of thing, don't you? |
| 280 | 00:12:53,440 | 00:12:56,086 | The discipline, the gravity boots, the whole thing. | The discipline, the gravity boots, the whole thing. |
| 281 | 00:12:56,110 | 00:12:56,820 | You're welcome. | You're welcome. |
| 282 | 00:12:56,844 | 00:12:58,989 | Of course, you went? | Of course, you went? |
| 283 | 00:12:59,013 | 00:13:01,048 | Yep. I went. | Yep. I went. |
| 284 | 00:13:09,256 | 00:13:11,201 | ♪ She landed on my roof | ♪ She landed on my roof |
| 285 | 00:13:11,225 | 00:13:12,903 | ♪ ...from Venus | ♪ ...from Venus |
| 286 | 00:13:12,927 | 00:13:14,404 | ♪ her ship ran out of gas | ♪ her ship ran out of gas |
| 287 | 00:13:14,428 | 00:13:17,074 | ♪ fast as light and love came between us ♪ | ♪ fast as light and love came between us ♪ |
| 288 | 00:13:17,098 | 00:13:19,442 | ♪ Fashion girl from outer space | ♪ Fashion girl from outer space |
| 289 | 00:13:19,466 | 00:13:23,013 | ♪ I'll never turn you on | ♪ I'll never turn you on |
| 290 | 00:13:23,037 | 00:13:23,981 | ♪ future love | ♪ future love |
| 291 | 00:13:24,005 | 00:13:25,215 | ♪ that's right, that's right, that's right ♪ | ♪ that's right, that's right, that's right ♪ |
| 292 | 00:13:25,239 | 00:13:26,850 | ♪ Making future love tonight | ♪ Making future love tonight |
| 293 | 00:13:26,874 | 00:13:29,186 | ♪ that's right, that's right, that's right ♪ | ♪ that's right, that's right, that's right ♪ |
| 294 | 00:13:29,210 | 00:13:31,254 | ♪ Making future love tonight | ♪ Making future love tonight |
| 295 | 00:13:31,278 | 00:13:33,123 | ♪ it's all right if I love you ♪ | ♪ it's all right if I love you ♪ |
| 296 | 00:13:33,147 | 00:13:34,524 | ♪ It's all right if I don't | ♪ It's all right if I don't |
| 297 | 00:13:34,548 | 00:13:36,559 | ♪ but I've been praying that you're running away ♪ | ♪ but I've been praying that you're running away ♪ |
| 298 | 00:13:36,583 | 00:13:39,362 | ♪ 'Cause I got the feeling, honey, that you won't ♪ | ♪ 'Cause I got the feeling, honey, that you won't ♪ |
| 299 | 00:13:39,386 | 00:13:42,232 | ♪ Supersonic safety love | ♪ Supersonic safety love |
| 300 | 00:13:42,256 | 00:13:44,868 | ♪ I'll never turn you on | ♪ I'll never turn you on |
| 301 | 00:13:44,892 | 00:13:47,170 | ♪ that's right, that's right, that's right ♪ | ♪ that's right, that's right, that's right ♪ |
| 302 | 00:13:47,194 | 00:13:49,239 | ♪ Making future love tonight | ♪ Making future love tonight |
| 303 | 00:13:49,263 | 00:13:51,132 | ♪ that's right, that's right | ♪ that's right, that's right |
| 304 | 00:13:55,937 | 00:13:58,148 | Believe me, I didn't have high hopes for this date. | Believe me, I didn't have high hopes for this date. |
| 305 | 00:13:58,172 | 00:14:00,117 | Well, you didn't have anything to lose. | Well, you didn't have anything to lose. |
| 306 | 00:14:00,141 | 00:14:03,320 | I know. Honestly, all I kept thinking was, | I know. Honestly, all I kept thinking was, |
| 307 | 00:14:03,344 | 00:14:05,122 | "I hope he doesn't smoke." | "I hope he doesn't smoke." |
| 308 | 00:14:05,146 | 00:14:07,224 | ♪ sometimes I wish I had a gun ♪ | ♪ sometimes I wish I had a gun ♪ |
| 309 | 00:14:10,451 | 00:14:11,494 | Uh, I'm going to... | Uh, I'm going to... |
| 310 | 00:14:11,518 | 00:14:13,030 | I'm going to go up to the bar and get another drink. | I'm going to go up to the bar and get another drink. |
| 311 | 00:14:13,054 | 00:14:14,031 | You want... you want something? | You want... you want something? |
| 312 | 00:14:14,055 | 00:14:15,933 | Yes, yes. I'll have another seltzer with lime. | Yes, yes. I'll have another seltzer with lime. |
| 313 | 00:14:15,957 | 00:14:16,633 | Seltzer with lime. | Seltzer with lime. |
| 314 | 00:14:16,657 | 00:14:17,600 | Make it a white wine spritzer. | Make it a white wine spritzer. |
| 315 | 00:14:17,624 | 00:14:19,002 | Spritzer. Got it. | Spritzer. Got it. |
| 316 | 00:14:19,026 | 00:14:21,939 | On second thought, can I get a, uh, 7 & 7? | On second thought, can I get a, uh, 7 & 7? |
| 317 | 00:14:21,963 | 00:14:23,907 | Rocks with a twist. | Rocks with a twist. |
| 318 | 00:14:23,931 | 00:14:24,774 | Okay. Are you sure? | Okay. Are you sure? |
| 319 | 00:14:24,798 | 00:14:27,110 | Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I always get a 7 & 7. | Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I always get a 7 & 7. |
| 320 | 00:14:27,134 | 00:14:28,545 | Oh, hi. Yeah. We're going to have a... | Oh, hi. Yeah. We're going to have a... |
| 321 | 00:14:28,569 | 00:14:30,313 | Absolut Martini, straight up, two olives. | Absolut Martini, straight up, two olives. |
| 322 | 00:14:30,337 | 00:14:32,273 | Make it a little dirty. | Make it a little dirty. |
| 323 | 00:14:34,942 | 00:14:35,919 | You? | You? |
| 324 | 00:14:35,943 | 00:14:37,912 | Uh... | Uh... |
| 325 | 00:15:01,102 | 00:15:02,937 | Do you like movies? | Do you like movies? |
| 326 | 00:15:04,371 | 00:15:05,482 | Yeah, I like movies. | Yeah, I like movies. |
| 327 | 00:15:05,506 | 00:15:06,616 | Yeah, me too. | Yeah, me too. |
| 328 | 00:15:06,640 | 00:15:09,586 | I think it was gay night on cable last night, 'cause I... | I think it was gay night on cable last night, 'cause I... |
| 329 | 00:15:09,610 | 00:15:11,913 | In and out was on again. | In and out was on again. |
| 330 | 00:15:13,347 | 00:15:14,291 | Uh-huh. | Uh-huh. |
| 331 | 00:15:14,315 | 00:15:15,158 | Nah, I just thought it was great, you know, | Nah, I just thought it was great, you know, |
| 332 | 00:15:15,182 | 00:15:17,394 | to see a movie like that, with two guys. | to see a movie like that, with two guys. |
| 333 | 00:15:17,418 | 00:15:18,528 | Not with two guys. | Not with two guys. |
| 334 | 00:15:18,552 | 00:15:23,557 | You know, with two guys who... You know... In the movie. | You know, with two guys who... You know... In the movie. |
| 335 | 00:15:24,258 | 00:15:26,169 | I hated it. | I hated it. |
| 336 | 00:15:26,193 | 00:15:27,938 | Oh. Yeah. No. Me too. | Oh. Yeah. No. Me too. |
| 337 | 00:15:27,962 | 00:15:31,574 | I just... Thought it was light... Fun. | I just... Thought it was light... Fun. |
| 338 | 00:15:31,598 | 00:15:32,976 | Fun? | Fun? |
| 339 | 00:15:33,000 | 00:15:34,277 | Yeah. | Yeah. |
| 340 | 00:15:34,301 | 00:15:38,248 | Fun to see Kevin Kline get on his sorry-assed, middle-aged knees | Fun to see Kevin Kline get on his sorry-assed, middle-aged knees |
| 341 | 00:15:38,272 | 00:15:40,083 | and give us a big ole Hollywood blow job | and give us a big ole Hollywood blow job |
| 342 | 00:15:40,107 | 00:15:42,986 | by catering to every cliched, homophobic, | by catering to every cliched, homophobic, |
| 343 | 00:15:43,010 | 00:15:45,288 | stereotypical idea of what it means to be gay? | stereotypical idea of what it means to be gay? |
| 344 | 00:15:45,312 | 00:15:48,258 | Without having the decency or the courtesy | Without having the decency or the courtesy |
| 345 | 00:15:48,282 | 00:15:52,062 | or... or even just the balls to drop a little trou' and show us his. | or... or even just the balls to drop a little trou' and show us his. |
| 346 | 00:15:52,086 | 00:15:54,965 | Wait a minute. Come on. I don't know. | Wait a minute. Come on. I don't know. |
| 347 | 00:15:54,989 | 00:15:56,366 | I thought it was nice to see a guy | I thought it was nice to see a guy |
| 348 | 00:15:56,390 | 00:15:58,301 | coming out to his family, his friends. | coming out to his family, his friends. |
| 349 | 00:15:58,325 | 00:16:00,637 | Not to mention his fiance. His fiance? | Not to mention his fiance. His fiance? |
| 350 | 00:16:00,661 | 00:16:02,139 | The loser bitch has been waiting her whole life | The loser bitch has been waiting her whole life |
| 351 | 00:16:02,163 | 00:16:05,108 | to marry this Nelly, Barbara-loving, self-hating, | to marry this Nelly, Barbara-loving, self-hating, |
| 352 | 00:16:05,132 | 00:16:08,311 | geriatric English teacher who can't get it up for her. | geriatric English teacher who can't get it up for her. |
| 353 | 00:16:08,335 | 00:16:10,280 | And we're supposed to feel sorry for her? | And we're supposed to feel sorry for her? |
| 354 | 00:16:10,304 | 00:16:12,983 | Awww. No fucking way. I mean, you do the math. | Awww. No fucking way. I mean, you do the math. |
| 355 | 00:16:13,007 | 00:16:16,077 | Where the hell is the waiter with my drink? | Where the hell is the waiter with my drink? |
| 356 | 00:16:17,144 | 00:16:19,046 | You want anything? | You want anything? |
| 357 | 00:16:20,381 | 00:16:23,284 | I'm not even going to mention birdcage. | I'm not even going to mention birdcage. |
| 358 | 00:16:28,990 | 00:16:30,333 | Can I get a diet coke? Sure. | Can I get a diet coke? Sure. |
| 359 | 00:16:30,357 | 00:16:33,736 | All right. What was your favorite movie of all time? | All right. What was your favorite movie of all time? |
| 360 | 00:16:33,760 | 00:16:37,207 | Let's just... Let's just start with that. | Let's just... Let's just start with that. |
| 361 | 00:16:37,231 | 00:16:39,742 | You know what? I'm not a big fan of the favorites game, | You know what? I'm not a big fan of the favorites game, |
| 362 | 00:16:39,766 | 00:16:42,369 | so why don't you go first? | so why don't you go first? |
| 363 | 00:16:43,170 | 00:16:46,316 | Oh. Okay. Um... | Oh. Okay. Um... |
| 364 | 00:16:46,340 | 00:16:49,152 | Well, I know it sounds corny and cliche, | Well, I know it sounds corny and cliche, |
| 365 | 00:16:49,176 | 00:16:52,613 | but I have to say gone with the wind. | but I have to say gone with the wind. |
| 366 | 00:16:53,414 | 00:16:54,124 | I never saw it. | I never saw it. |
| 367 | 00:16:54,148 | 00:16:55,158 | Yeah, right. | Yeah, right. |
| 368 | 00:16:55,182 | 00:16:57,327 | I didn't. I... I never saw gone with the wind. | I didn't. I... I never saw gone with the wind. |
| 369 | 00:16:57,351 | 00:16:59,329 | You're kidding, right? No. | You're kidding, right? No. |
| 370 | 00:16:59,353 | 00:17:01,764 | I'm not kidding. Come on. | I'm not kidding. Come on. |
| 371 | 00:17:01,788 | 00:17:02,632 | I... I never saw the movie. | I... I never saw the movie. |
| 372 | 00:17:02,656 | 00:17:04,701 | You never saw the movie? No. I never... | You never saw the movie? No. I never... |
| 373 | 00:17:04,725 | 00:17:08,471 | Okay, fine. Do you want me to tell you that I saw the movie? | Okay, fine. Do you want me to tell you that I saw the movie? |
| 374 | 00:17:08,495 | 00:17:10,073 | I will. I saw the movie. | I will. I saw the movie. |
| 375 | 00:17:10,097 | 00:17:11,441 | It was the best movie I've ever seen. | It was the best movie I've ever seen. |
| 376 | 00:17:11,465 | 00:17:15,012 | Especially, especially that part where red buttons | Especially, especially that part where red buttons |
| 377 | 00:17:15,036 | 00:17:16,713 | is up on the hill with Charlotte. | is up on the hill with Charlotte. |
| 378 | 00:17:16,737 | 00:17:18,781 | Oh, my god. You are scaring me! | Oh, my god. You are scaring me! |
| 379 | 00:17:18,805 | 00:17:20,450 | What... what do you want me to say? | What... what do you want me to say? |
| 380 | 00:17:20,474 | 00:17:23,744 | I'm not a big fan of black-and-white movies. | I'm not a big fan of black-and-white movies. |
| 381 | 00:17:24,411 | 00:17:28,715 | Relax, would you? Relax. | Relax, would you? Relax. |
| 382 | 00:17:30,351 | 00:17:33,987 | I saw fame like 15 times. Does that help? | I saw fame like 15 times. Does that help? |
| 383 | 00:17:36,823 | 00:17:39,226 | Well, it's a start. | Well, it's a start. |
| 384 | 00:17:45,199 | 00:17:47,334 | Wow, K.E. | Wow, K.E. |
| 385 | 00:17:47,668 | 00:17:48,611 | What? What? | What? What? |
| 386 | 00:17:48,635 | 00:17:51,381 | What... what did you just say? | What... what did you just say? |
| 387 | 00:17:51,405 | 00:17:52,082 | Nothing. | Nothing. |
| 388 | 00:17:52,106 | 00:17:53,616 | Yeah, you just said something. | Yeah, you just said something. |
| 389 | 00:17:53,640 | 00:17:54,317 | No, n-no I didn't. | No, n-no I didn't. |
| 390 | 00:17:54,341 | 00:17:55,518 | Yeah, you did. You said, "K.E." | Yeah, you did. You said, "K.E." |
| 391 | 00:17:55,542 | 00:17:57,578 | What... what... what is that? | What... what... what is that? |
| 392 | 00:17:59,246 | 00:18:02,387 | It... it's nothing. It's... it's nothing. | It... it's nothing. It's... it's nothing. |
| 393 | 00:18:02,399 | 00:18:03,826 | It... It's stupid. | It... It's stupid. |
| 394 | 00:18:03,850 | 00:18:06,663 | It's initial talk. Brett and I have been doing it for years. | It's initial talk. Brett and I have been doing it for years. |
| 395 | 00:18:06,687 | 00:18:09,632 | It is so stupid. It means nothing. Trust me. | It is so stupid. It means nothing. Trust me. |
| 396 | 00:18:09,656 | 00:18:10,700 | Right, so I just took a hit. | Right, so I just took a hit. |
| 397 | 00:18:10,724 | 00:18:12,169 | No, no, no! You didn't. Tom. | No, no, no! You didn't. Tom. |
| 398 | 00:18:12,193 | 00:18:14,504 | Believe me. I swear to you. | Believe me. I swear to you. |
| 399 | 00:18:14,528 | 00:18:16,397 | Oh. Damn it. | Oh. Damn it. |
| 400 | 00:18:19,766 | 00:18:24,605 | It means... Killer eyes, okay? | It means... Killer eyes, okay? |
| 401 | 00:18:34,681 | 00:18:36,526 | You know what? I-i-I'm going to go. | You know what? I-i-I'm going to go. |
| 402 | 00:18:36,550 | 00:18:38,628 | It's late, and uh... Yeah. | It's late, and uh... Yeah. |
| 403 | 00:18:38,652 | 00:18:41,798 | Yeah, let's... let's you and I go. | Yeah, let's... let's you and I go. |
| 404 | 00:18:41,822 | 00:18:44,267 | On our way. Ways! On our ways. | On our way. Ways! On our ways. |
| 405 | 00:18:44,291 | 00:18:45,435 | Separate. You and me. | Separate. You and me. |
| 406 | 00:18:45,459 | 00:18:47,870 | You know. Here, let's split it. | You know. Here, let's split it. |
| 407 | 00:18:47,894 | 00:18:48,771 | No, I got it, I got it, I got it. | No, I got it, I got it, I got it. |
| 408 | 00:18:48,795 | 00:18:50,807 | No. Let's split it. No, I want to do this. | No. Let's split it. No, I want to do this. |
| 409 | 00:18:50,831 | 00:18:52,609 | Please. I don't want to do that. Just let me pay. | Please. I don't want to do that. Just let me pay. |
| 410 | 00:18:52,633 | 00:18:54,144 | Let me just split it. Let me do this! | Let me just split it. Let me do this! |
| 411 | 00:18:54,168 | 00:18:57,180 | Let me just pay for my own. Just go! | Let me just pay for my own. Just go! |
| 412 | 00:18:57,204 | 00:18:58,439 | Going. | Going. |
| 413 | 00:18:59,673 | 00:19:02,485 | He hated me. It's like I activated his gag reflex. | He hated me. It's like I activated his gag reflex. |
| 414 | 00:19:02,509 | 00:19:04,587 | That is the last time I will let you fix me up. | That is the last time I will let you fix me up. |
| 415 | 00:19:04,611 | 00:19:05,855 | You got that? Take it in. | You got that? Take it in. |
| 416 | 00:19:05,879 | 00:19:08,691 | Next date I go on is going to cost me $2.00 for the first minute | Next date I go on is going to cost me $2.00 for the first minute |
| 417 | 00:19:08,715 | 00:19:10,360 | and $1.50 each additional minute. | and $1.50 each additional minute. |
| 418 | 00:19:10,384 | 00:19:11,761 | Did he say anything about me and Jackie? | Did he say anything about me and Jackie? |
| 419 | 00:19:11,785 | 00:19:13,363 | What? No, it didn't come up. | What? No, it didn't come up. |
| 420 | 00:19:13,387 | 00:19:15,565 | Are you sure the guy was even gay? | Are you sure the guy was even gay? |
| 421 | 00:19:15,589 | 00:19:16,366 | Are you kidding? | Are you kidding? |
| 422 | 00:19:16,390 | 00:19:18,901 | I don't know. You know... With you... | I don't know. You know... With you... |
| 423 | 00:19:18,925 | 00:19:21,371 | How many straight guys you know pretend they're gay? | How many straight guys you know pretend they're gay? |
| 424 | 00:19:21,395 | 00:19:22,505 | Besides you? Hello! | Besides you? Hello! |
| 425 | 00:19:22,529 | 00:19:23,606 | You sure he didn't say anything about me? | You sure he didn't say anything about me? |
| 426 | 00:19:23,630 | 00:19:25,375 | Hey, you want eggs? I can easily add an egg to this. | Hey, you want eggs? I can easily add an egg to this. |
| 427 | 00:19:25,399 | 00:19:27,477 | Can I have eggs? Are there eggs? Are there eggs? | Can I have eggs? Are there eggs? Are there eggs? |
| 428 | 00:19:27,501 | 00:19:29,479 | You have to relax. You're becoming a crazy person. | You have to relax. You're becoming a crazy person. |
| 429 | 00:19:29,503 | 00:19:30,547 | You've been whipping for 20 minutes. | You've been whipping for 20 minutes. |
| 430 | 00:19:30,571 | 00:19:33,150 | Your mother told me you were going to be like this. | Your mother told me you were going to be like this. |
| 431 | 00:19:33,174 | 00:19:35,152 | My mom called you again? | My mom called you again? |
| 432 | 00:19:35,176 | 00:19:36,153 | What did you tell her? | What did you tell her? |
| 433 | 00:19:36,177 | 00:19:37,820 | No, she's concerned about you. | No, she's concerned about you. |
| 434 | 00:19:37,844 | 00:19:38,888 | You never... you never talk to the woman. | You never... you never talk to the woman. |
| 435 | 00:19:38,912 | 00:19:42,183 | You know? She thinks you're becoming a big loser. | You know? She thinks you're becoming a big loser. |
| 436 | 00:19:42,416 | 00:19:43,260 | Oh, that's... That's nice. | Oh, that's... That's nice. |
| 437 | 00:19:43,284 | 00:19:45,428 | That's great. Thanks. Thanks for that. | That's great. Thanks. Thanks for that. |
| 438 | 00:19:45,452 | 00:19:47,297 | Easy for her to say. | Easy for her to say. |
| 439 | 00:19:47,321 | 00:19:48,064 | I know what's out there. | I know what's out there. |
| 440 | 00:19:48,088 | 00:19:49,065 | Guys with bad fucking hair plugs, | Guys with bad fucking hair plugs, |
| 441 | 00:19:49,089 | 00:19:52,335 | staples in their dicks, beanie baby collections, | staples in their dicks, beanie baby collections, |
| 442 | 00:19:52,359 | 00:19:53,803 | or worse. Worse? | or worse. Worse? |
| 443 | 00:19:53,827 | 00:19:54,804 | Oh, there's worse. | Oh, there's worse. |
| 444 | 00:19:54,828 | 00:19:58,241 | Oh, come on. It'll be so much better next time. | Oh, come on. It'll be so much better next time. |
| 445 | 00:19:58,265 | 00:19:59,242 | There won't be a next time. | There won't be a next time. |
| 446 | 00:19:59,266 | 00:20:03,513 | Unless his name is Ben, Jerry, or Jose Cuervo. | Unless his name is Ben, Jerry, or Jose Cuervo. |
| 447 | 00:20:03,537 | 00:20:06,883 | Uh-huh. Like you haven't already had those guys. | Uh-huh. Like you haven't already had those guys. |
| 448 | 00:20:06,907 | 00:20:08,851 | And their brothers. | And their brothers. |
| 449 | 00:20:08,875 | 00:20:10,052 | Haven't you ever wondered what it's like to be with | Haven't you ever wondered what it's like to be with |
| 450 | 00:20:10,076 | 00:20:14,591 | the same guy for more than... Oh, I don't know... 5 minutes? | the same guy for more than... Oh, I don't know... 5 minutes? |
| 451 | 00:20:14,615 | 00:20:18,795 | With the guys I meet, 5 minutes is all it takes. | With the guys I meet, 5 minutes is all it takes. |
| 452 | 00:20:18,819 | 00:20:20,563 | Charming. | Charming. |
| 453 | 00:20:20,587 | 00:20:22,732 | Okay, but more importantly, | Okay, but more importantly, |
| 454 | 00:20:22,756 | 00:20:26,269 | mmm... what did Eli say about me? | mmm... what did Eli say about me? |
| 455 | 00:20:26,293 | 00:20:28,571 | Is it going to happen with Brett? | Is it going to happen with Brett? |
| 456 | 00:20:28,595 | 00:20:30,573 | No idea. Didn't mention it. | No idea. Didn't mention it. |
| 457 | 00:20:30,597 | 00:20:32,509 | Oh. | Oh. |
| 458 | 00:20:32,533 | 00:20:34,744 | Like I care. | Like I care. |
| 459 | 00:20:34,768 | 00:20:36,513 | But maybe I should call Brett, and just, | But maybe I should call Brett, and just, |
| 460 | 00:20:36,537 | 00:20:39,916 | you know, find out what Eli said about your date. | you know, find out what Eli said about your date. |
| 461 | 00:20:39,940 | 00:20:41,884 | Couldn't care less. | Couldn't care less. |
| 462 | 00:20:41,908 | 00:20:45,622 | Right. Right. We officially don't care. | Right. Right. We officially don't care. |
| 463 | 00:20:45,646 | 00:20:47,624 | I get it... Yeah. | I get it... Yeah. |
| 464 | 00:20:47,648 | 00:20:51,561 | I definitely am not going to call. | I definitely am not going to call. |
| 465 | 00:20:51,585 | 00:20:52,329 | Where you going? | Where you going? |
| 466 | 00:20:52,353 | 00:20:54,931 | Uh... home. To officially not call. | Uh... home. To officially not call. |
| 467 | 00:20:54,955 | 00:20:56,866 | No, no, no, no. You were supposed to stay here | No, no, no, no. You were supposed to stay here |
| 468 | 00:20:56,890 | 00:20:59,669 | and watch lifetime television for women and gay men. | and watch lifetime television for women and gay men. |
| 469 | 00:20:59,693 | 00:21:00,870 | Uh... no. | Uh... no. |
| 470 | 00:21:00,894 | 00:21:02,572 | It's Joan Van Arc in not without my nose job. | It's Joan Van Arc in not without my nose job. |
| 471 | 00:21:02,596 | 00:21:05,675 | Oh, angel. I've already lived that movie. | Oh, angel. I've already lived that movie. |
| 472 | 00:21:05,699 | 00:21:08,278 | All that shit people say about finding "the one"? | All that shit people say about finding "the one"? |
| 473 | 00:21:08,302 | 00:21:09,579 | I'm sick of it. | I'm sick of it. |
| 474 | 00:21:09,603 | 00:21:11,314 | Tom certainly isn't. | Tom certainly isn't. |
| 475 | 00:21:11,338 | 00:21:13,750 | I don't ever think I'm going to meet the guy who is. | I don't ever think I'm going to meet the guy who is. |
| 476 | 00:21:13,774 | 00:21:14,617 | You know, your whole problem is | You know, your whole problem is |
| 477 | 00:21:14,641 | 00:21:17,287 | there's no such thing as "the one." okay? | there's no such thing as "the one." okay? |
| 478 | 00:21:17,311 | 00:21:18,087 | You're such a liar! | You're such a liar! |
| 479 | 00:21:18,111 | 00:21:18,921 | Like two seconds ago, you told me how | Like two seconds ago, you told me how |
| 480 | 00:21:18,945 | 00:21:20,657 | you think this girl Jackie is the one. | you think this girl Jackie is the one. |
| 481 | 00:21:20,681 | 00:21:22,158 | I met her one time. | I met her one time. |
| 482 | 00:21:22,182 | 00:21:23,960 | I said she could be the one or one of the ones. There's not just one "one." | I said she could be the one or one of the ones. There's not just one "one." |
| 483 | 00:21:23,984 | 00:21:25,495 | You know, there's fractions of one, | You know, there's fractions of one, |
| 484 | 00:21:25,519 | 00:21:26,996 | there's halves of one, there's quarters of one. | there's halves of one, there's quarters of one. |
| 485 | 00:21:27,020 | 00:21:29,766 | You know, the idea is about making yourself open to someone, | You know, the idea is about making yourself open to someone, |
| 486 | 00:21:29,790 | 00:21:32,826 | you know, perhaps Tom becoming the one. | you know, perhaps Tom becoming the one. |
| 487 | 00:21:34,395 | 00:21:35,572 | Are you coming to the flea market with me tomorrow? | Are you coming to the flea market with me tomorrow? |
| 488 | 00:21:35,596 | 00:21:38,741 | No, sweetie, by tomorrow, I'm hoping to actually have plans | No, sweetie, by tomorrow, I'm hoping to actually have plans |
| 489 | 00:21:38,765 | 00:21:41,311 | with a man who will appreciate me for my body, okay? | with a man who will appreciate me for my body, okay? |
| 490 | 00:21:41,335 | 00:21:44,681 | Not just my brains and wit and sense of style. | Not just my brains and wit and sense of style. |
| 491 | 00:21:44,705 | 00:21:46,283 | So dad's in town? | So dad's in town? |
| 492 | 00:21:46,307 | 00:21:47,550 | You're disgusting. | You're disgusting. |
| 493 | 00:21:47,574 | 00:21:48,885 | Why don't you take a date to the flea market? | Why don't you take a date to the flea market? |
| 494 | 00:21:48,909 | 00:21:51,521 | Oh! Okay, that is why you never go steady. | Oh! Okay, that is why you never go steady. |
| 495 | 00:21:51,545 | 00:21:55,525 | I haven't gone steady since the seventh grade. You do the math. | I haven't gone steady since the seventh grade. You do the math. |
| 496 | 00:21:55,549 | 00:21:57,394 | Besides, he kept saying, "you do the math," | Besides, he kept saying, "you do the math," |
| 497 | 00:21:57,418 | 00:21:59,829 | even when it made no sense. What a turn-off. | even when it made no sense. What a turn-off. |
| 498 | 00:21:59,853 | 00:22:00,897 | What's the turn-on? | What's the turn-on? |
| 499 | 00:22:00,921 | 00:22:01,998 | According to your mother, you haven't had a hard-on | According to your mother, you haven't had a hard-on |
| 500 | 00:22:02,022 | 00:22:02,965 | since she first took you to see the nutcracker | since she first took you to see the nutcracker |
| 501 | 00:22:02,989 | 00:22:05,535 | at the Jewish community center in first grade. | at the Jewish community center in first grade. |
| 502 | 00:22:05,559 | 00:22:07,069 | Stop talking to my mother about my sex life. | Stop talking to my mother about my sex life. |
| 503 | 00:22:07,093 | 00:22:07,937 | What sex life? I have one. | What sex life? I have one. |
| 504 | 00:22:07,961 | 00:22:10,540 | Uh-huh. Right. Okay, you know, it counts. | Uh-huh. Right. Okay, you know, it counts. |
| 505 | 00:22:10,564 | 00:22:12,309 | I spent 10 years learning which buttons to push, | I spent 10 years learning which buttons to push, |
| 506 | 00:22:12,333 | 00:22:14,311 | now I just have to look at myself and I come. | now I just have to look at myself and I come. |
| 507 | 00:22:14,335 | 00:22:15,636 | Eww. | Eww. |
| 508 | 00:22:31,385 | 00:22:35,064 | ♪ Everybody's looking for something ♪ | ♪ Everybody's looking for something ♪ |
| 509 | 00:22:35,088 | 00:22:39,569 | ♪ Step right up and tell me what it's all about ♪ | ♪ Step right up and tell me what it's all about ♪ |
| 510 | 00:22:39,593 | 00:22:43,072 | ♪ Well, don't you worry 'bout nothin' ♪ | ♪ Well, don't you worry 'bout nothin' ♪ |
| 511 | 00:22:43,096 | 00:22:47,577 | ♪ If you see what you like, I'm sure we'll work it out ♪ | ♪ If you see what you like, I'm sure we'll work it out ♪ |
| 512 | 00:22:47,601 | 00:22:51,648 | ♪ I come and see you on Sundays ♪ | ♪ I come and see you on Sundays ♪ |
| 513 | 00:22:51,672 | 00:22:55,752 | ♪ East side, West Side, uptown or down ♪ | ♪ East side, West Side, uptown or down ♪ |
| 514 | 00:22:55,776 | 00:23:00,390 | ♪ And all your problems will disappear ♪ | ♪ And all your problems will disappear ♪ |
| 515 | 00:23:00,414 | 00:23:04,026 | ♪ When you lay your money down | ♪ When you lay your money down |
| 516 | 00:23:04,050 | 00:23:06,062 | ♪ vamos a alegresia ♪ | ♪ vamos a alegresia ♪ |
| 517 | 00:23:06,086 | 00:23:07,764 | ♪ Let's make a deal, man | ♪ Let's make a deal, man |
| 518 | 00:23:07,788 | 00:23:10,600 | ♪ vamos a alegresia ♪ | ♪ vamos a alegresia ♪ |
| 519 | 00:23:10,624 | 00:23:11,701 | Hey! | Hey! |
| 520 | 00:23:11,725 | 00:23:15,938 | Hey! Hey, uh... How are you doing? | Hey! Hey, uh... How are you doing? |
| 521 | 00:23:15,962 | 00:23:17,707 | Good. Good. How are you? | Good. Good. How are you? |
| 522 | 00:23:17,731 | 00:23:20,710 | Yeah. Good. Good, good. Good. | Yeah. Good. Good, good. Good. |
| 523 | 00:23:20,734 | 00:23:23,580 | You, um... You look good. | You, um... You look good. |
| 524 | 00:23:23,604 | 00:23:25,682 | God... thanks. | God... thanks. |
| 525 | 00:23:25,706 | 00:23:27,950 | No, no, no. Really. | No, no, no. Really. |
| 526 | 00:23:27,974 | 00:23:30,753 | So, what, you were lying the first time? | So, what, you were lying the first time? |
| 527 | 00:23:30,777 | 00:23:32,855 | What? No! No, no, no. I... | What? No! No, no, no. I... |
| 528 | 00:23:32,879 | 00:23:34,624 | You got that fresh, Sunday morning, | You got that fresh, Sunday morning, |
| 529 | 00:23:34,648 | 00:23:36,959 | read the paper, cup of coffee kinda look. | read the paper, cup of coffee kinda look. |
| 530 | 00:23:36,983 | 00:23:38,661 | Yeah, and here I thought I had that stale, | Yeah, and here I thought I had that stale, |
| 531 | 00:23:38,685 | 00:23:39,696 | Sunday morning hangover, | Sunday morning hangover, |
| 532 | 00:23:39,720 | 00:23:42,732 | choke on my own vomit thing going. | choke on my own vomit thing going. |
| 533 | 00:23:46,727 | 00:23:47,970 | What are you, uh, what are you here for? | What are you, uh, what are you here for? |
| 534 | 00:23:47,994 | 00:23:49,439 | You looking for anything in particular? | You looking for anything in particular? |
| 535 | 00:23:49,463 | 00:23:51,474 | Um, yeah, yeah, actually, | Um, yeah, yeah, actually, |
| 536 | 00:23:51,498 | 00:23:53,476 | I'm looking for a vintage Martini set. | I'm looking for a vintage Martini set. |
| 537 | 00:23:53,500 | 00:23:57,780 | You know, the shaker and the glasses and the whole thing. | You know, the shaker and the glasses and the whole thing. |
| 538 | 00:23:57,804 | 00:23:59,516 | Huh. | Huh. |
| 539 | 00:23:59,540 | 00:24:02,985 | How about you? You just... You just browsing? | How about you? You just... You just browsing? |
| 540 | 00:24:03,009 | 00:24:04,954 | Me? Are you kidding? I go nuts. | Me? Are you kidding? I go nuts. |
| 541 | 00:24:04,978 | 00:24:08,891 | I have to look for one thing and just one thing. | I have to look for one thing and just one thing. |
| 542 | 00:24:08,915 | 00:24:10,460 | And that would be what? | And that would be what? |
| 543 | 00:24:10,484 | 00:24:14,431 | Hmm? A bathroom, actually. | Hmm? A bathroom, actually. |
| 544 | 00:24:14,455 | 00:24:15,498 | Shit. They probably don't have | Shit. They probably don't have |
| 545 | 00:24:15,522 | 00:24:16,499 | bathrooms at a place like this, right? | bathrooms at a place like this, right? |
| 546 | 00:24:16,523 | 00:24:18,501 | Probably just porta-potties. God, I hate those. | Probably just porta-potties. God, I hate those. |
| 547 | 00:24:18,525 | 00:24:19,969 | You know, my parents had to rent like 4 of them | You know, my parents had to rent like 4 of them |
| 548 | 00:24:19,993 | 00:24:21,971 | for my sister's bat mitzvah. | for my sister's bat mitzvah. |
| 549 | 00:24:21,995 | 00:24:24,941 | Come on. You didn't come here looking for a bathroom. | Come on. You didn't come here looking for a bathroom. |
| 550 | 00:24:24,965 | 00:24:26,733 | I didn't? | I didn't? |
| 551 | 00:24:31,037 | 00:24:34,917 | Okay, I'm looking for an original Cornelius action figure, | Okay, I'm looking for an original Cornelius action figure, |
| 552 | 00:24:34,941 | 00:24:37,487 | you know, from planet of the apes? | you know, from planet of the apes? |
| 553 | 00:24:38,645 | 00:24:41,123 | What, you're yanking my chain, right? | What, you're yanking my chain, right? |
| 554 | 00:24:41,147 | 00:24:42,191 | Yeah, actually, no, I'm not, | Yeah, actually, no, I'm not, |
| 555 | 00:24:42,215 | 00:24:43,760 | and I really hate that expression, | and I really hate that expression, |
| 556 | 00:24:43,784 | 00:24:44,594 | but you know, it was good seeing you. | but you know, it was good seeing you. |
| 557 | 00:24:44,618 | 00:24:46,228 | I'll see you around. No, no! No, don't. | I'll see you around. No, no! No, don't. |
| 558 | 00:24:46,252 | 00:24:48,197 | Come on, come on. Grow a sense of humor, will ya? | Come on, come on. Grow a sense of humor, will ya? |
| 559 | 00:24:48,221 | 00:24:50,700 | I'm not... you're funny! I'm not laughing at... | I'm not... you're funny! I'm not laughing at... |
| 560 | 00:24:50,724 | 00:24:53,870 | No, not funny bad. You're funny good. | No, not funny bad. You're funny good. |
| 561 | 00:24:53,894 | 00:24:55,705 | Funny good. Look. | Funny good. Look. |
| 562 | 00:24:55,729 | 00:24:57,540 | Why don't we go grab a cup of coffee, | Why don't we go grab a cup of coffee, |
| 563 | 00:24:57,564 | 00:24:59,809 | and then I'll help you go look for your Dollie. | and then I'll help you go look for your Dollie. |
| 564 | 00:24:59,833 | 00:25:00,977 | Action figure! | Action figure! |
| 565 | 00:25:01,001 | 00:25:02,244 | So, is it just the apes or do you have Betsy wetsy, too? | So, is it just the apes or do you have Betsy wetsy, too? |
| 566 | 00:25:02,268 | 00:25:03,513 | Because Jackie didn't tell me that you were a doll collector. | Because Jackie didn't tell me that you were a doll collector. |
| 567 | 00:25:03,537 | 00:25:07,116 | Interesting. You know, Brett didn't tell me you were an asshole. | Interesting. You know, Brett didn't tell me you were an asshole. |
| 568 | 00:25:09,610 | 00:25:12,879 | Speaking of which, what's up with those two? | Speaking of which, what's up with those two? |
| 569 | 00:25:23,824 | 00:25:25,735 | Hi. Hi. Hi. | Hi. Hi. Hi. |
| 570 | 00:25:25,759 | 00:25:26,869 | Uh, so... | Uh, so... |
| 571 | 00:25:26,893 | 00:25:28,838 | I, um, I thought you should know, | I, um, I thought you should know, |
| 572 | 00:25:28,862 | 00:25:31,164 | they, uh, they hated each other. | they, uh, they hated each other. |
| 573 | 00:25:31,632 | 00:25:36,202 | Oh. Oh, right, uh, more than life itself, yeah. | Oh. Oh, right, uh, more than life itself, yeah. |
| 574 | 00:25:38,138 | 00:25:41,842 | No, no... No fucking chemistry. | No, no... No fucking chemistry. |
| 575 | 00:25:50,851 | 00:25:52,962 | I had the biggest planet of the apes collection | I had the biggest planet of the apes collection |
| 576 | 00:25:52,986 | 00:25:54,030 | until, like, the sixth grade, | until, like, the sixth grade, |
| 577 | 00:25:54,054 | 00:25:56,132 | when my parents made me sell it at a garage sale. | when my parents made me sell it at a garage sale. |
| 578 | 00:25:56,156 | 00:25:58,234 | They were afraid it was going to adversely affect | They were afraid it was going to adversely affect |
| 579 | 00:25:58,258 | 00:26:00,570 | my psychosexual development. | my psychosexual development. |
| 580 | 00:26:01,127 | 00:26:02,905 | They're both shrinks. | They're both shrinks. |
| 581 | 00:26:02,929 | 00:26:04,073 | Well, did it? What? | Well, did it? What? |
| 582 | 00:26:04,097 | 00:26:06,743 | Affect your psycho... Whatever? | Affect your psycho... Whatever? |
| 583 | 00:26:06,767 | 00:26:07,710 | Well, I'm gay, aren't I? | Well, I'm gay, aren't I? |
| 584 | 00:26:07,734 | 00:26:10,012 | Oh. So the apes made you gay. I don't know. | Oh. So the apes made you gay. I don't know. |
| 585 | 00:26:10,036 | 00:26:11,213 | What is that? The ape theory? | What is that? The ape theory? |
| 586 | 00:26:11,237 | 00:26:15,051 | Well, you've got a half-naked Charlton Heston in a cage... | Well, you've got a half-naked Charlton Heston in a cage... |
| 587 | 00:26:15,075 | 00:26:16,152 | Where he belongs. Yeah, right. | Where he belongs. Yeah, right. |
| 588 | 00:26:16,176 | 00:26:18,054 | Plus my huge crush on Roddy McDowell | Plus my huge crush on Roddy McDowell |
| 589 | 00:26:18,078 | 00:26:19,856 | and those cute, little leather outfits. | and those cute, little leather outfits. |
| 590 | 00:26:19,880 | 00:26:23,059 | That, my friend, is a gay, pre-teen happy meal. | That, my friend, is a gay, pre-teen happy meal. |
| 591 | 00:26:23,784 | 00:26:25,895 | Do you have any Martini sets? | Do you have any Martini sets? |
| 592 | 00:26:25,919 | 00:26:26,896 | No, afraid not. | No, afraid not. |
| 593 | 00:26:26,920 | 00:26:27,597 | You know, I've got to admit, I don't even know | You know, I've got to admit, I don't even know |
| 594 | 00:26:27,621 | 00:26:28,698 | what a Martini set looks like. | what a Martini set looks like. |
| 595 | 00:26:28,722 | 00:26:31,133 | I... I wouldn't know a Martini if it bit me in the ass. | I... I wouldn't know a Martini if it bit me in the ass. |
| 596 | 00:26:31,157 | 00:26:33,202 | No, it shouldn't if you know how to make them. | No, it shouldn't if you know how to make them. |
| 597 | 00:26:33,226 | 00:26:35,237 | Uh, I take it you do. | Uh, I take it you do. |
| 598 | 00:26:35,261 | 00:26:36,105 | In my house, you had to. | In my house, you had to. |
| 599 | 00:26:36,129 | 00:26:38,040 | I couldn't tie my shoes till I was 10, | I couldn't tie my shoes till I was 10, |
| 600 | 00:26:38,064 | 00:26:39,141 | but I can make a Martini. | but I can make a Martini. |
| 601 | 00:26:39,165 | 00:26:42,812 | I was like Isaac on our sinking little love boat. | I was like Isaac on our sinking little love boat. |
| 602 | 00:26:45,105 | 00:26:48,585 | Thank you, sweetheart. | Thank you, sweetheart. |
| 603 | 00:26:48,609 | 00:26:49,786 | This is perfect. | This is perfect. |
| 604 | 00:26:49,810 | 00:26:54,791 | So, Tommy. Have you met any nice girls at school this year? | So, Tommy. Have you met any nice girls at school this year? |
| 605 | 00:26:54,815 | 00:26:56,959 | Yeah. They're nice. | Yeah. They're nice. |
| 606 | 00:26:56,983 | 00:26:59,896 | Hey. You give any thought to what we talked about? | Hey. You give any thought to what we talked about? |
| 607 | 00:26:59,920 | 00:27:01,197 | None of the other fifth graders know | None of the other fifth graders know |
| 608 | 00:27:01,221 | 00:27:02,899 | what they're going to do after high school. | what they're going to do after high school. |
| 609 | 00:27:02,923 | 00:27:05,702 | And what do I care about a bunch of pansy fifth graders | And what do I care about a bunch of pansy fifth graders |
| 610 | 00:27:05,726 | 00:27:07,870 | with silver spoons in their mouths? | with silver spoons in their mouths? |
| 611 | 00:27:07,894 | 00:27:10,607 | I sort of like the idea of teaching. | I sort of like the idea of teaching. |
| 612 | 00:27:10,631 | 00:27:13,033 | Teaching sounds good. | Teaching sounds good. |
| 613 | 00:27:14,100 | 00:27:16,713 | That's terrific, honey. | That's terrific, honey. |
| 614 | 00:27:17,804 | 00:27:20,717 | I can't remember them without a drink in their hand. | I can't remember them without a drink in their hand. |
| 615 | 00:27:20,741 | 00:27:24,687 | You know, when my father used to pitch baseballs to me in the backyard... | You know, when my father used to pitch baseballs to me in the backyard... |
| 616 | 00:27:24,711 | 00:27:26,956 | Uh-huh? He never spilt a drop. | Uh-huh? He never spilt a drop. |
| 617 | 00:27:26,980 | 00:27:28,991 | Oh, my god. I can't even imagine. | Oh, my god. I can't even imagine. |
| 618 | 00:27:29,015 | 00:27:30,126 | Your parents didn't drink? | Your parents didn't drink? |
| 619 | 00:27:30,150 | 00:27:32,929 | No, we never played games in the backyard. | No, we never played games in the backyard. |
| 620 | 00:27:32,953 | 00:27:34,063 | Never? | Never? |
| 621 | 00:27:34,087 | 00:27:35,898 | First of all, we didn't have a backyard. | First of all, we didn't have a backyard. |
| 622 | 00:27:35,922 | 00:27:36,833 | And second of all, | And second of all, |
| 623 | 00:27:36,857 | 00:27:40,036 | the closest we ever came to a game was... | the closest we ever came to a game was... |
| 624 | 00:27:40,060 | 00:27:41,695 | The feel wheel. | The feel wheel. |
| 625 | 00:27:42,328 | 00:27:44,406 | Rage is at the top. | Rage is at the top. |
| 626 | 00:27:44,430 | 00:27:46,909 | Then we move down to frustration, | Then we move down to frustration, |
| 627 | 00:27:46,933 | 00:27:49,679 | confusion, loneliness. | confusion, loneliness. |
| 628 | 00:27:49,703 | 00:27:54,416 | On the other side, we have loving, affectionate, | On the other side, we have loving, affectionate, |
| 629 | 00:27:54,440 | 00:27:55,217 | silly! | silly! |
| 630 | 00:27:55,241 | 00:27:57,687 | Okay? Eli, you go first. | Okay? Eli, you go first. |
| 631 | 00:27:57,711 | 00:28:00,890 | Take your name and put it on the emotion | Take your name and put it on the emotion |
| 632 | 00:28:00,914 | 00:28:01,824 | you're feeling right now. | you're feeling right now. |
| 633 | 00:28:01,848 | 00:28:03,993 | That's right, Eli. Don't think. Look inside. | That's right, Eli. Don't think. Look inside. |
| 634 | 00:28:04,017 | 00:28:05,895 | What are you feeling? Right now. Go. | What are you feeling? Right now. Go. |
| 635 | 00:28:05,919 | 00:28:09,065 | Don't think. Go. Go! | Don't think. Go. Go! |
| 636 | 00:28:09,089 | 00:28:10,032 | Go! | Go! |
| 637 | 00:28:10,056 | 00:28:12,034 | Do I have to, Dr. Wyckoff? | Do I have to, Dr. Wyckoff? |
| 638 | 00:28:12,058 | 00:28:15,095 | Can you do it for mommy? | Can you do it for mommy? |
| 639 | 00:28:23,003 | 00:28:25,047 | You'd just be walking along and then you'd think... | You'd just be walking along and then you'd think... |
| 640 | 00:28:25,071 | 00:28:27,984 | "Gee, I feel happy," and then you'd put your little flag on the wheel? | "Gee, I feel happy," and then you'd put your little flag on the wheel? |
| 641 | 00:28:28,008 | 00:28:32,989 | No, no. It's just... Something my parents wanted us to do, | No, no. It's just... Something my parents wanted us to do, |
| 642 | 00:28:33,013 | 00:28:35,157 | so that... They would feel more enlightened. | so that... They would feel more enlightened. |
| 643 | 00:28:36,382 | 00:28:39,228 | Like getting us to say penis and vagina at the dinner table. | Like getting us to say penis and vagina at the dinner table. |
| 644 | 00:28:39,252 | 00:28:41,063 | You know, so that we would feel comfortable | You know, so that we would feel comfortable |
| 645 | 00:28:41,087 | 00:28:42,198 | talking about sex, | talking about sex, |
| 646 | 00:28:42,222 | 00:28:45,467 | which is probably why now I prefer pee-pee and hoo-hoo. | which is probably why now I prefer pee-pee and hoo-hoo. |
| 647 | 00:28:45,491 | 00:28:48,304 | More pee-pee than hoo-hoo, I'd imagine. | More pee-pee than hoo-hoo, I'd imagine. |
| 648 | 00:28:48,328 | 00:28:50,130 | Does it show? | Does it show? |
| 649 | 00:28:51,732 | 00:28:54,243 | I don't think that game would have been a hit in my house, | I don't think that game would have been a hit in my house, |
| 650 | 00:28:54,267 | 00:28:57,446 | unless there was a section on the wheel for thirsty. | unless there was a section on the wheel for thirsty. |
| 651 | 00:28:57,470 | 00:29:00,416 | Well, there was a section on the wheel for scared. | Well, there was a section on the wheel for scared. |
| 652 | 00:29:00,440 | 00:29:05,045 | But... you'd have had to share that one with me. | But... you'd have had to share that one with me. |
| 653 | 00:29:20,761 | 00:29:24,106 | Hey, no chance on the Eli and Tom thing. That's... | Hey, no chance on the Eli and Tom thing. That's... |
| 654 | 00:29:24,130 | 00:29:25,374 | Oh! What a pain. | Oh! What a pain. |
| 655 | 00:29:25,398 | 00:29:26,308 | The gays are so picky. | The gays are so picky. |
| 656 | 00:29:26,332 | 00:29:28,410 | No, no, no, no. It's Eli. I'm telling you. | No, no, no, no. It's Eli. I'm telling you. |
| 657 | 00:29:28,434 | 00:29:31,013 | He's got the worst D.K. On the planet. | He's got the worst D.K. On the planet. |
| 658 | 00:29:31,037 | 00:29:32,014 | Donna Karan? | Donna Karan? |
| 659 | 00:29:32,038 | 00:29:35,017 | No. Dating Kharma. Oh! | No. Dating Kharma. Oh! |
| 660 | 00:29:35,041 | 00:29:35,918 | Yeah. No, it sucks. | Yeah. No, it sucks. |
| 661 | 00:29:35,942 | 00:29:38,054 | He told me that "a"... He thinks he, like, | He told me that "a"... He thinks he, like, |
| 662 | 00:29:38,078 | 00:29:39,221 | insulted Tom a hundred times, | insulted Tom a hundred times, |
| 663 | 00:29:39,245 | 00:29:42,024 | and "b"... that he's... You know, straight. | and "b"... that he's... You know, straight. |
| 664 | 00:29:42,048 | 00:29:42,759 | Yeah. | Yeah. |
| 665 | 00:29:42,783 | 00:29:45,995 | Okay, so now, Tom is just a freak. | Okay, so now, Tom is just a freak. |
| 666 | 00:29:46,019 | 00:29:47,229 | You know, he officially hates | You know, he officially hates |
| 667 | 00:29:47,253 | 00:29:48,364 | any guy that he likes. | any guy that he likes. |
| 668 | 00:29:48,388 | 00:29:50,933 | Or worse, who likes him. | Or worse, who likes him. |
| 669 | 00:29:50,957 | 00:29:52,101 | What, dude? | What, dude? |
| 670 | 00:29:52,125 | 00:29:55,137 | Yeah, well, welcome to the wonderful world of self-hate. | Yeah, well, welcome to the wonderful world of self-hate. |
| 671 | 00:29:55,161 | 00:29:57,397 | And he's not even Jewish. | And he's not even Jewish. |
| 672 | 00:29:58,131 | 00:30:00,476 | What on god's earth is this? | What on god's earth is this? |
| 673 | 00:30:00,500 | 00:30:02,044 | I mean, honestly, that's the ugliest thing | I mean, honestly, that's the ugliest thing |
| 674 | 00:30:02,068 | 00:30:05,038 | I've ever seen in my entire life. | I've ever seen in my entire life. |
| 675 | 00:30:25,425 | 00:30:26,535 | Morning. | Morning. |
| 676 | 00:30:26,559 | 00:30:27,236 | Morning. | Morning. |
| 677 | 00:30:27,260 | 00:30:31,340 | What's, uh, what's the hurry? | What's, uh, what's the hurry? |
| 678 | 00:30:31,364 | 00:30:32,374 | Oh, you know what? | Oh, you know what? |
| 679 | 00:30:32,398 | 00:30:34,510 | Today is decoupage day at school, | Today is decoupage day at school, |
| 680 | 00:30:34,534 | 00:30:36,212 | and I'm late, so... | and I'm late, so... |
| 681 | 00:30:36,236 | 00:30:38,014 | Oh, okay. | Oh, okay. |
| 682 | 00:30:38,038 | 00:30:40,850 | Um, listen, I just... | Um, listen, I just... |
| 683 | 00:30:40,874 | 00:30:43,052 | I want to apologize for yesterday | I want to apologize for yesterday |
| 684 | 00:30:43,076 | 00:30:44,053 | and last night. | and last night. |
| 685 | 00:30:44,077 | 00:30:47,289 | It just shouldn't have happened. | It just shouldn't have happened. |
| 686 | 00:30:47,313 | 00:30:48,390 | Oh. | Oh. |
| 687 | 00:30:48,414 | 00:30:51,027 | I mean, I feel like we got off to a really good start, | I mean, I feel like we got off to a really good start, |
| 688 | 00:30:51,051 | 00:30:53,129 | but then I feel like I kind of fucked things up, | but then I feel like I kind of fucked things up, |
| 689 | 00:30:53,153 | 00:30:56,132 | so I promise it won't ever happen again. | so I promise it won't ever happen again. |
| 690 | 00:30:56,156 | 00:30:58,835 | Good. Yeah. I... | Good. Yeah. I... |
| 691 | 00:30:58,859 | 00:31:00,837 | We shouldn't have... | We shouldn't have... |
| 692 | 00:31:00,861 | 00:31:03,339 | Anyway, it was both of our faults, so... | Anyway, it was both of our faults, so... |
| 693 | 00:31:03,363 | 00:31:04,406 | No. No. I... well, yeah. | No. No. I... well, yeah. |
| 694 | 00:31:04,430 | 00:31:08,044 | So, you know, let's just pretend it never happened. | So, you know, let's just pretend it never happened. |
| 695 | 00:31:08,068 | 00:31:09,445 | Perfect. | Perfect. |
| 696 | 00:31:09,469 | 00:31:13,006 | Great. All right. I'll see you later. | Great. All right. I'll see you later. |
| 697 | 00:31:26,286 | 00:31:27,196 | Hey. | Hey. |
| 698 | 00:31:27,220 | 00:31:29,155 | How you doing? | How you doing? |
| 699 | 00:32:06,026 | 00:32:09,338 | I don't know. We had a great time. I don't get it. | I don't know. We had a great time. I don't get it. |
| 700 | 00:32:10,530 | 00:32:13,375 | Looked to me like you did get it... something called laid. | Looked to me like you did get it... something called laid. |
| 701 | 00:32:13,399 | 00:32:15,978 | You know, FYI, gay guys don't necessarily | You know, FYI, gay guys don't necessarily |
| 702 | 00:32:16,002 | 00:32:18,014 | play the same bases as straight guys do. | play the same bases as straight guys do. |
| 703 | 00:32:18,038 | 00:32:19,949 | It's still fucking, dude. | It's still fucking, dude. |
| 704 | 00:32:19,973 | 00:32:21,250 | Hello, gentlemen. | Hello, gentlemen. |
| 705 | 00:32:21,274 | 00:32:24,954 | You don't mind if the brother hangs out, do you? I had him fixed. | You don't mind if the brother hangs out, do you? I had him fixed. |
| 706 | 00:32:24,978 | 00:32:25,988 | Do I have a choice? | Do I have a choice? |
| 707 | 00:32:26,012 | 00:32:27,089 | I don't get the double standard. | I don't get the double standard. |
| 708 | 00:32:27,113 | 00:32:29,458 | You know, guys can do all kinds of things with women, | You know, guys can do all kinds of things with women, |
| 709 | 00:32:29,482 | 00:32:32,428 | and they won't call it sex unless they actually fuck. | and they won't call it sex unless they actually fuck. |
| 710 | 00:32:32,452 | 00:32:33,595 | You know, like sex with interns. | You know, like sex with interns. |
| 711 | 00:32:33,619 | 00:32:34,897 | Listen, I'm not judging you. You know, it's just sex, man. | Listen, I'm not judging you. You know, it's just sex, man. |
| 712 | 00:32:34,921 | 00:32:38,000 | I'm not being defensive. I'm trying to explain to you that a guy | I'm not being defensive. I'm trying to explain to you that a guy |
| 713 | 00:32:38,024 | 00:32:39,168 | can get together with another guy | can get together with another guy |
| 714 | 00:32:39,192 | 00:32:42,404 | and do all kinds of things without necessarily, you know. | and do all kinds of things without necessarily, you know. |
| 715 | 00:32:42,428 | 00:32:43,372 | Right. Good. That's enough. | Right. Good. That's enough. |
| 716 | 00:32:43,396 | 00:32:45,975 | It's a big step. I know couples who have never | It's a big step. I know couples who have never |
| 717 | 00:32:45,999 | 00:32:48,310 | and probably will never actually... | and probably will never actually... |
| 718 | 00:32:48,334 | 00:32:49,645 | N.t... new topic. | N.t... new topic. |
| 719 | 00:32:49,669 | 00:32:52,414 | What? What is with you? You were never this squeamish in college. | What? What is with you? You were never this squeamish in college. |
| 720 | 00:32:52,438 | 00:32:54,283 | That's because you were dating women. | That's because you were dating women. |
| 721 | 00:32:54,307 | 00:32:56,018 | Yeah, well, it's the same thing | Yeah, well, it's the same thing |
| 722 | 00:32:56,042 | 00:32:57,519 | if you don't count the vaginas. | if you don't count the vaginas. |
| 723 | 00:32:57,543 | 00:32:59,621 | Oof. I count them: 4... so far. | Oof. I count them: 4... so far. |
| 724 | 00:32:59,645 | 00:33:00,556 | Okay, you know what, Mitch? | Okay, you know what, Mitch? |
| 725 | 00:33:00,580 | 00:33:03,625 | Doesn't count if they have inflate nozzles. | Doesn't count if they have inflate nozzles. |
| 726 | 00:33:03,649 | 00:33:05,261 | Hey, look man, it's not like, you know, | Hey, look man, it's not like, you know, |
| 727 | 00:33:05,285 | 00:33:07,396 | you picked him up at ye olde cock and balls | you picked him up at ye olde cock and balls |
| 728 | 00:33:07,420 | 00:33:08,697 | and got out the butter spray | and got out the butter spray |
| 729 | 00:33:08,721 | 00:33:10,566 | and the choke collar and the whole thing. | and the choke collar and the whole thing. |
| 730 | 00:33:10,590 | 00:33:13,202 | I mean, you spent an afternoon together, right? | I mean, you spent an afternoon together, right? |
| 731 | 00:33:13,226 | 00:33:15,437 | I mean, obviously he likes you. | I mean, obviously he likes you. |
| 732 | 00:33:15,461 | 00:33:17,130 | Right. | Right. |
| 733 | 00:33:18,231 | 00:33:19,475 | Fuck, these are new. | Fuck, these are new. |
| 734 | 00:33:19,499 | 00:33:21,277 | What's the matter? Are you cranky? | What's the matter? Are you cranky? |
| 735 | 00:33:21,301 | 00:33:23,212 | You know, I don't want to do this anymore. | You know, I don't want to do this anymore. |
| 736 | 00:33:23,236 | 00:33:24,380 | That's fine. That's great. | That's fine. That's great. |
| 737 | 00:33:24,404 | 00:33:25,614 | Okay. Well, you did a terrific job. | Okay. Well, you did a terrific job. |
| 738 | 00:33:25,638 | 00:33:28,017 | Hey, listen, what are you doing on Friday night? | Hey, listen, what are you doing on Friday night? |
| 739 | 00:33:28,041 | 00:33:29,485 | Are you going to go out with the guy? | Are you going to go out with the guy? |
| 740 | 00:33:29,509 | 00:33:31,620 | I don't know. Why, did Jackie say something? | I don't know. Why, did Jackie say something? |
| 741 | 00:33:31,644 | 00:33:34,223 | I don't know, but if you're coming Friday night, | I don't know, but if you're coming Friday night, |
| 742 | 00:33:34,247 | 00:33:35,357 | she can tell you herself. | she can tell you herself. |
| 743 | 00:33:35,381 | 00:33:37,459 | Yeah. No, I'm not doing that. That's so seventh grade. | Yeah. No, I'm not doing that. That's so seventh grade. |
| 744 | 00:33:37,483 | 00:33:39,628 | Well, you'll catch up. Huh? | Well, you'll catch up. Huh? |
| 745 | 00:33:39,652 | 00:33:40,662 | Did she invite Tom? | Did she invite Tom? |
| 746 | 00:33:40,686 | 00:33:42,564 | No. It's just us. It will be fine. | No. It's just us. It will be fine. |
| 747 | 00:33:42,588 | 00:33:44,566 | 7:00 Friday night. All right? | 7:00 Friday night. All right? |
| 748 | 00:33:44,590 | 00:33:45,501 | All right. Take this. | All right. Take this. |
| 749 | 00:33:45,525 | 00:33:48,570 | Have a Valerian or something. Take a nap. | Have a Valerian or something. Take a nap. |
| 750 | 00:33:48,594 | 00:33:49,438 | He's too intense. | He's too intense. |
| 751 | 00:33:49,462 | 00:33:51,740 | You know, I like him as a friend, but... | You know, I like him as a friend, but... |
| 752 | 00:33:51,764 | 00:33:52,441 | Bullshit. | Bullshit. |
| 753 | 00:33:52,465 | 00:33:54,443 | That is just fear of intimacy, | That is just fear of intimacy, |
| 754 | 00:33:54,467 | 00:33:56,745 | which by the way is so 1991. | which by the way is so 1991. |
| 755 | 00:33:56,769 | 00:33:59,481 | Pause. Marie? | Pause. Marie? |
| 756 | 00:33:59,505 | 00:34:00,549 | Yeah. | Yeah. |
| 757 | 00:34:00,573 | 00:34:03,585 | Put the headphones on. | Put the headphones on. |
| 758 | 00:34:03,609 | 00:34:05,554 | The headphones... there you go. | The headphones... there you go. |
| 759 | 00:34:05,578 | 00:34:06,622 | Um, nice, Marie, | Um, nice, Marie, |
| 760 | 00:34:06,646 | 00:34:08,357 | but I need more smile | but I need more smile |
| 761 | 00:34:08,381 | 00:34:10,292 | and less sell, okay? | and less sell, okay? |
| 762 | 00:34:10,316 | 00:34:11,527 | Uh, have fun. | Uh, have fun. |
| 763 | 00:34:11,551 | 00:34:14,230 | Okay. Great. Fun. All right. | Okay. Great. Fun. All right. |
| 764 | 00:34:14,254 | 00:34:15,297 | Good. Topnotch. Thanks. | Good. Topnotch. Thanks. |
| 765 | 00:34:15,321 | 00:34:18,134 | The way you did in the audition, remember? | The way you did in the audition, remember? |
| 766 | 00:34:18,158 | 00:34:19,635 | The reason we hired you. | The reason we hired you. |
| 767 | 00:34:19,659 | 00:34:21,737 | Right. Absolutely. Yes. | Right. Absolutely. Yes. |
| 768 | 00:34:21,761 | 00:34:24,106 | Good note. Really good note. | Good note. Really good note. |
| 769 | 00:34:24,130 | 00:34:25,665 | Great. | Great. |
| 770 | 00:34:26,566 | 00:34:28,444 | "New vita-power energy bars | "New vita-power energy bars |
| 771 | 00:34:28,468 | 00:34:31,313 | with tasty, chewy goodness in every bite." | with tasty, chewy goodness in every bite." |
| 772 | 00:34:31,337 | 00:34:32,514 | I'm just glad you met a guy | I'm just glad you met a guy |
| 773 | 00:34:32,538 | 00:34:33,815 | with half a brain in his head. | with half a brain in his head. |
| 774 | 00:34:33,839 | 00:34:35,517 | Oh, wait, let me find the love in that... | Oh, wait, let me find the love in that... |
| 775 | 00:34:35,541 | 00:34:37,453 | Oh, right, there is none. | Oh, right, there is none. |
| 776 | 00:34:37,477 | 00:34:39,388 | Hey, I'm not the one who fell in love with a guy | Hey, I'm not the one who fell in love with a guy |
| 777 | 00:34:39,412 | 00:34:41,657 | who could only get a job selling sperm samples | who could only get a job selling sperm samples |
| 778 | 00:34:41,681 | 00:34:44,293 | and doing experimental drug research. | and doing experimental drug research. |
| 779 | 00:34:44,317 | 00:34:45,527 | Wasn't he allergic? | Wasn't he allergic? |
| 780 | 00:34:45,551 | 00:34:48,197 | Yes, but he was cute, and you know it. | Yes, but he was cute, and you know it. |
| 781 | 00:34:48,221 | 00:34:49,165 | Yeah, when the hives cleared up. | Yeah, when the hives cleared up. |
| 782 | 00:34:49,189 | 00:34:53,502 | "During and after your living and giving life." | "During and after your living and giving life." |
| 783 | 00:34:53,526 | 00:34:55,504 | Pause. Sweetie? | Pause. Sweetie? |
| 784 | 00:34:55,528 | 00:34:56,505 | Uh, yeah. | Uh, yeah. |
| 785 | 00:34:56,529 | 00:34:57,706 | What are you doing? | What are you doing? |
| 786 | 00:34:57,730 | 00:35:00,309 | You're not Kathleen Turner, okay? | You're not Kathleen Turner, okay? |
| 787 | 00:35:00,333 | 00:35:03,212 | No, I'm not. I'm not Kathleen Turner. | No, I'm not. I'm not Kathleen Turner. |
| 788 | 00:35:03,236 | 00:35:04,746 | That's right. Yeah, I'm me. | That's right. Yeah, I'm me. |
| 789 | 00:35:04,770 | 00:35:08,184 | Is that what you're saying? I should be me. | Is that what you're saying? I should be me. |
| 790 | 00:35:08,208 | 00:35:10,252 | No. What I'm saying is that this isn't | No. What I'm saying is that this isn't |
| 791 | 00:35:10,276 | 00:35:11,487 | blue cross, blue shield. | blue cross, blue shield. |
| 792 | 00:35:11,511 | 00:35:13,522 | It's an energy snack, so why don't we have | It's an energy snack, so why don't we have |
| 793 | 00:35:13,546 | 00:35:15,424 | some... I don't know... energy? | some... I don't know... energy? |
| 794 | 00:35:15,448 | 00:35:18,194 | Energy... yes, of course! Okay, you're right. | Energy... yes, of course! Okay, you're right. |
| 795 | 00:35:18,218 | 00:35:20,529 | All right, because it's vita-power, | All right, because it's vita-power, |
| 796 | 00:35:20,553 | 00:35:21,563 | and "vita" means life. | and "vita" means life. |
| 797 | 00:35:21,587 | 00:35:23,665 | Okay, now, correct me if I'm wrong: | Okay, now, correct me if I'm wrong: |
| 798 | 00:35:23,689 | 00:35:26,602 | My intention should be to have... | My intention should be to have... |
| 799 | 00:35:26,626 | 00:35:30,439 | No, to give more life... | No, to give more life... |
| 800 | 00:35:30,463 | 00:35:31,807 | Except as a bar. | Except as a bar. |
| 801 | 00:35:31,831 | 00:35:33,709 | But, Jackie, my concern is that | But, Jackie, my concern is that |
| 802 | 00:35:33,733 | 00:35:35,511 | I'm going to be over the top. | I'm going to be over the top. |
| 803 | 00:35:35,535 | 00:35:39,615 | No. Honey, you're so under the top right now | No. Honey, you're so under the top right now |
| 804 | 00:35:39,639 | 00:35:41,750 | it's like you're selling me a douche. | it's like you're selling me a douche. |
| 805 | 00:35:41,774 | 00:35:43,285 | Okay? I'm getting you | Okay? I'm getting you |
| 806 | 00:35:43,309 | 00:35:45,454 | on the beach in a floral-print dress | on the beach in a floral-print dress |
| 807 | 00:35:45,478 | 00:35:47,323 | talking about feminine freshness. | talking about feminine freshness. |
| 808 | 00:35:47,347 | 00:35:49,191 | Is that the read you're going for? | Is that the read you're going for? |
| 809 | 00:35:49,215 | 00:35:50,226 | No, that's not. | No, that's not. |
| 810 | 00:35:50,250 | 00:35:51,860 | Those were good word pictures. | Those were good word pictures. |
| 811 | 00:35:51,884 | 00:35:55,231 | Okay, just translate them for what I need. | Okay, just translate them for what I need. |
| 812 | 00:35:55,255 | 00:35:57,266 | Okay, good. Yeah, I can do this. | Okay, good. Yeah, I can do this. |
| 813 | 00:35:57,290 | 00:35:58,634 | I'm just going to keep going. | I'm just going to keep going. |
| 814 | 00:35:58,658 | 00:36:02,404 | You are so mean. You're not even listening to her. | You are so mean. You're not even listening to her. |
| 815 | 00:36:02,428 | 00:36:05,474 | Yes, I am. She thinks she's doing books on tape. | Yes, I am. She thinks she's doing books on tape. |
| 816 | 00:36:05,498 | 00:36:06,575 | I think she's good. | I think she's good. |
| 817 | 00:36:06,599 | 00:36:07,576 | Well, don't change the subject. | Well, don't change the subject. |
| 818 | 00:36:07,600 | 00:36:09,745 | Brett and I are cooking dinner on Friday night. | Brett and I are cooking dinner on Friday night. |
| 819 | 00:36:09,769 | 00:36:11,247 | Ha! What are you having? | Ha! What are you having? |
| 820 | 00:36:11,271 | 00:36:12,881 | Shut up. You're coming. | Shut up. You're coming. |
| 821 | 00:36:12,905 | 00:36:14,616 | Is he invited? | Is he invited? |
| 822 | 00:36:14,640 | 00:36:16,652 | No. Just you. | No. Just you. |
| 823 | 00:36:16,676 | 00:36:19,755 | Pause. | Pause. |
| 824 | 00:36:19,779 | 00:36:20,922 | That's it. Go home. | That's it. Go home. |
| 825 | 00:36:20,946 | 00:36:23,925 | You want me to go? I should go home? | You want me to go? I should go home? |
| 826 | 00:36:23,949 | 00:36:25,694 | No, you're incredible. | No, you're incredible. |
| 827 | 00:36:25,718 | 00:36:27,163 | I mean, that voice... | I mean, that voice... |
| 828 | 00:36:27,187 | 00:36:28,364 | Don't even kid yourself. | Don't even kid yourself. |
| 829 | 00:36:28,388 | 00:36:30,632 | You're going to have a huge career. | You're going to have a huge career. |
| 830 | 00:36:30,656 | 00:36:32,468 | Oh! Okay. I thought... | Oh! Okay. I thought... |
| 831 | 00:36:32,492 | 00:36:35,661 | Thank you. Well, thanks to you. | Thank you. Well, thanks to you. |
| 832 | 00:36:50,276 | 00:36:52,554 | Jackie's a piece of work. | Jackie's a piece of work. |
| 833 | 00:36:53,646 | 00:36:56,782 | Brett's a lying sack of shit. | Brett's a lying sack of shit. |
| 834 | 00:36:58,284 | 00:36:59,395 | You look good. | You look good. |
| 835 | 00:36:59,419 | 00:37:01,363 | I have no idea who this is. I'm going to kill you. | I have no idea who this is. I'm going to kill you. |
| 836 | 00:37:01,387 | 00:37:03,932 | If this is a sports figure, I'm going to kill you. | If this is a sports figure, I'm going to kill you. |
| 837 | 00:37:03,956 | 00:37:05,334 | Jaleel white! | Jaleel white! |
| 838 | 00:37:05,358 | 00:37:06,368 | Elie Wiesel! | Elie Wiesel! |
| 839 | 00:37:06,392 | 00:37:07,503 | You're actually not my partner. Okay, come on. Go. | You're actually not my partner. Okay, come on. Go. |
| 840 | 00:37:07,527 | 00:37:10,339 | What is it about this look that makes you think I know? | What is it about this look that makes you think I know? |
| 841 | 00:37:10,363 | 00:37:12,308 | Come on. All right, pass. Pass. Pass. | Come on. All right, pass. Pass. Pass. |
| 842 | 00:37:12,332 | 00:37:13,475 | Okay, this one. Oh, fuck, open. | Okay, this one. Oh, fuck, open. |
| 843 | 00:37:13,499 | 00:37:16,278 | Okay, the ex-football player who allegedly killed his wife. | Okay, the ex-football player who allegedly killed his wife. |
| 844 | 00:37:16,302 | 00:37:19,348 | Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! "Allegedly" ...what are you, nuts? | Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! "Allegedly" ...what are you, nuts? |
| 845 | 00:37:19,372 | 00:37:20,716 | Just say it! | Just say it! |
| 846 | 00:37:20,740 | 00:37:21,883 | O.J. Simpson. | O.J. Simpson. |
| 847 | 00:37:21,907 | 00:37:22,951 | Yes! | Yes! |
| 848 | 00:37:22,975 | 00:37:24,853 | That's like saying Jackie allegedly got a nose job. | That's like saying Jackie allegedly got a nose job. |
| 849 | 00:37:24,877 | 00:37:25,921 | Shut up. | Shut up. |
| 850 | 00:37:25,945 | 00:37:27,088 | Both of you shut up. Okay? | Both of you shut up. Okay? |
| 851 | 00:37:27,112 | 00:37:30,950 | All right, this one... the first name rhymes with this... | All right, this one... the first name rhymes with this... |
| 852 | 00:37:32,518 | 00:37:34,696 | okay, could you never, ever do that again? | okay, could you never, ever do that again? |
| 853 | 00:37:34,720 | 00:37:35,864 | Just say it. | Just say it. |
| 854 | 00:37:35,888 | 00:37:37,599 | Time! Time, time. Time. | Time! Time, time. Time. |
| 855 | 00:37:37,623 | 00:37:39,435 | Brett, is it maybe time? | Brett, is it maybe time? |
| 856 | 00:37:39,459 | 00:37:40,669 | What the fuck was that? | What the fuck was that? |
| 857 | 00:37:40,693 | 00:37:42,538 | I bet you it was one of Brett's. | I bet you it was one of Brett's. |
| 858 | 00:37:42,562 | 00:37:43,772 | They're so hard because he's so smart. | They're so hard because he's so smart. |
| 859 | 00:37:43,796 | 00:37:46,708 | Apparently not smart enough to know that you had a nose job. | Apparently not smart enough to know that you had a nose job. |
| 860 | 00:37:46,732 | 00:37:48,744 | What, I told you about that. | What, I told you about that. |
| 861 | 00:37:48,768 | 00:37:50,246 | No, you didn't. | No, you didn't. |
| 862 | 00:37:50,270 | 00:37:51,179 | So what's the diff? | So what's the diff? |
| 863 | 00:37:51,203 | 00:37:52,881 | Come on, Brett, like you couldn't tell... | Come on, Brett, like you couldn't tell... |
| 864 | 00:37:52,905 | 00:37:54,850 | Every Jewish teen-age girl with money | Every Jewish teen-age girl with money |
| 865 | 00:37:54,874 | 00:37:55,984 | winds up with that nose. | winds up with that nose. |
| 866 | 00:37:56,008 | 00:37:58,019 | Don't you think it's, like, a little bit weird, though, | Don't you think it's, like, a little bit weird, though, |
| 867 | 00:37:58,043 | 00:38:01,647 | that everyone on the planet knows but your boyfriend? | that everyone on the planet knows but your boyfriend? |
| 868 | 00:38:02,682 | 00:38:03,959 | Seriously, Eli, who was that? | Seriously, Eli, who was that? |
| 869 | 00:38:03,983 | 00:38:06,362 | Okay, well, I was doing the hula, so... | Okay, well, I was doing the hula, so... |
| 870 | 00:38:06,386 | 00:38:08,697 | I mean, it's a little strange. Right? | I mean, it's a little strange. Right? |
| 871 | 00:38:08,721 | 00:38:11,833 | Okay. They used to call me the jackal. | Okay. They used to call me the jackal. |
| 872 | 00:38:11,857 | 00:38:14,303 | All right? So I got a nose job. | All right? So I got a nose job. |
| 873 | 00:38:14,327 | 00:38:15,304 | Are you happy now? | Are you happy now? |
| 874 | 00:38:15,328 | 00:38:17,839 | All right. I give up. What rhymes with hula? | All right. I give up. What rhymes with hula? |
| 875 | 00:38:17,863 | 00:38:20,276 | Wow. The jackal. That's brutal. | Wow. The jackal. That's brutal. |
| 876 | 00:38:20,300 | 00:38:21,443 | You're being a jerk. | You're being a jerk. |
| 877 | 00:38:21,467 | 00:38:23,412 | Yeah, but I'm being an honest jerk, | Yeah, but I'm being an honest jerk, |
| 878 | 00:38:23,436 | 00:38:25,581 | so that counts for something, I think. | so that counts for something, I think. |
| 879 | 00:38:25,605 | 00:38:26,848 | Oh, wait. Shh. You hear that? | Oh, wait. Shh. You hear that? |
| 880 | 00:38:26,872 | 00:38:30,386 | That's the sound of you not getting laid tonight. | That's the sound of you not getting laid tonight. |
| 881 | 00:38:30,410 | 00:38:31,353 | Ha ha ha ha... | Ha ha ha ha... |
| 882 | 00:38:31,377 | 00:38:33,555 | Oh, that's wonderful. Did you guys hear that? | Oh, that's wonderful. Did you guys hear that? |
| 883 | 00:38:33,579 | 00:38:36,358 | That was the sound of Jackie being a bitch. | That was the sound of Jackie being a bitch. |
| 884 | 00:38:36,382 | 00:38:37,659 | Did you guys hear that? | Did you guys hear that? |
| 885 | 00:38:37,683 | 00:38:38,994 | Yeah, I did hear that... | Yeah, I did hear that... |
| 886 | 00:38:39,018 | 00:38:40,128 | Well, what do you want from me? | Well, what do you want from me? |
| 887 | 00:38:40,152 | 00:38:42,431 | I don't know. How about a little honesty. You know... | I don't know. How about a little honesty. You know... |
| 888 | 00:38:42,455 | 00:38:43,899 | Oh, come on. You know what, the self-pity bus | Oh, come on. You know what, the self-pity bus |
| 889 | 00:38:43,923 | 00:38:45,434 | stops right in front of my building, pal. Don't miss it. | stops right in front of my building, pal. Don't miss it. |
| 890 | 00:38:45,458 | 00:38:50,038 | Well, maybe I'll get on the self-pity bus, you know? Maybe I'll get a transfer. | Well, maybe I'll get on the self-pity bus, you know? Maybe I'll get a transfer. |
| 891 | 00:38:50,062 | 00:38:52,374 | Okay, you know what? Can we get out of here | Okay, you know what? Can we get out of here |
| 892 | 00:38:52,398 | 00:38:54,910 | before they start looking like my parents? | before they start looking like my parents? |
| 893 | 00:38:54,934 | 00:38:55,877 | Fine with me. | Fine with me. |
| 894 | 00:38:55,901 | 00:38:56,645 | All right. Your place? | All right. Your place? |
| 895 | 00:38:56,669 | 00:38:59,415 | Uh, yeah, okay. We can take one c... | Uh, yeah, okay. We can take one c... |
| 896 | 00:38:59,439 | 00:39:02,050 | Oh, hey, hey. Was that Tallulah Bankhead? | Oh, hey, hey. Was that Tallulah Bankhead? |
| 897 | 00:39:02,074 | 00:39:05,421 | No, no. Rula Lenska. | No, no. Rula Lenska. |
| 898 | 00:39:05,445 | 00:39:07,913 | Rula Lenska. | Rula Lenska. |
| 899 | 00:39:08,814 | 00:39:10,826 | Who the fuck is rula Lenska? | Who the fuck is rula Lenska? |
| 900 | 00:39:10,850 | 00:39:13,729 | Oh, I'm so sorry... | Oh, I'm so sorry... |
| 901 | 00:39:13,753 | 00:39:16,097 | Oh, you're tickling me. | Oh, you're tickling me. |
| 902 | 00:39:16,121 | 00:39:17,766 | Guess they made up. | Guess they made up. |
| 903 | 00:39:17,790 | 00:39:20,926 | Hope she paid for Scotchgard. | Hope she paid for Scotchgard. |
| 904 | 00:39:21,661 | 00:39:23,839 | Mmm. Oh, don't do that. | Mmm. Oh, don't do that. |
| 905 | 00:39:23,863 | 00:39:26,566 | Ooh, not right now. | Ooh, not right now. |
| 906 | 00:39:28,501 | 00:39:30,946 | Like when people say "ex cetera" | Like when people say "ex cetera" |
| 907 | 00:39:30,970 | 00:39:31,713 | instead of "et cetera"... | instead of "et cetera"... |
| 908 | 00:39:31,737 | 00:39:34,883 | What is that, "ex cetera"? Crazy. | What is that, "ex cetera"? Crazy. |
| 909 | 00:39:34,907 | 00:39:35,951 | Oh, my favorite is | Oh, my favorite is |
| 910 | 00:39:35,975 | 00:39:37,886 | "for all intensive purposes." | "for all intensive purposes." |
| 911 | 00:39:37,910 | 00:39:39,955 | That's like nuts. It's like, you know what, | That's like nuts. It's like, you know what, |
| 912 | 00:39:39,979 | 00:39:41,390 | where'd you go to school? | where'd you go to school? |
| 913 | 00:39:41,414 | 00:39:42,858 | Are you sure you don't want a sandwich? | Are you sure you don't want a sandwich? |
| 914 | 00:39:42,882 | 00:39:44,993 | I mean, I don't know how you could eat that food. | I mean, I don't know how you could eat that food. |
| 915 | 00:39:45,017 | 00:39:47,062 | No offense, but Jackie can't cook for shit. | No offense, but Jackie can't cook for shit. |
| 916 | 00:39:47,086 | 00:39:48,296 | No wonder Brett's losing weight. | No wonder Brett's losing weight. |
| 917 | 00:39:48,320 | 00:39:51,533 | Hey, hey, hey... Hollywood news. Where's your section? | Hey, hey, hey... Hollywood news. Where's your section? |
| 918 | 00:39:51,557 | 00:39:53,369 | Oh, no. You don't have to. | Oh, no. You don't have to. |
| 919 | 00:39:53,393 | 00:39:54,169 | Oh, come on, please. | Oh, come on, please. |
| 920 | 00:39:54,193 | 00:39:55,904 | I's embarrassing. God, I mean it's... | I's embarrassing. God, I mean it's... |
| 921 | 00:39:55,928 | 00:39:58,474 | Here, that's it right there. But don't... | Here, that's it right there. But don't... |
| 922 | 00:39:58,498 | 00:39:59,941 | Look at that: "Police blotter. | Look at that: "Police blotter. |
| 923 | 00:39:59,965 | 00:40:01,142 | Edited by Eli Wyckoff." | Edited by Eli Wyckoff." |
| 924 | 00:40:01,166 | 00:40:02,911 | Yeah. I don't want you to... | Yeah. I don't want you to... |
| 925 | 00:40:02,935 | 00:40:03,679 | "Juan a. Mass, 35, | "Juan a. Mass, 35, |
| 926 | 00:40:03,703 | 00:40:06,982 | "arrested early Sunday for D.U.I. | "arrested early Sunday for D.U.I. |
| 927 | 00:40:07,006 | 00:40:09,050 | "Blood alcohol level was 2.1 | "Blood alcohol level was 2.1 |
| 928 | 00:40:09,074 | 00:40:12,921 | when suspect was apprehended by L.A.P.D." | when suspect was apprehended by L.A.P.D." |
| 929 | 00:40:12,945 | 00:40:13,989 | What? | What? |
| 930 | 00:40:14,013 | 00:40:15,123 | It says "apprehended." | It says "apprehended." |
| 931 | 00:40:15,147 | 00:40:17,058 | No, it doesn't. It's "apprehended." | No, it doesn't. It's "apprehended." |
| 932 | 00:40:17,082 | 00:40:18,927 | It says "apprehended." | It says "apprehended." |
| 933 | 00:40:18,951 | 00:40:20,028 | Oh, my god. Shit! | Oh, my god. Shit! |
| 934 | 00:40:20,052 | 00:40:22,564 | To apprehend. That's when, what, | To apprehend. That's when, what, |
| 935 | 00:40:22,588 | 00:40:24,032 | they grab the guy on the ass? | they grab the guy on the ass? |
| 936 | 00:40:24,056 | 00:40:26,968 | Goddamn. I proofread this like a million times. | Goddamn. I proofread this like a million times. |
| 937 | 00:40:26,992 | 00:40:28,537 | Oh, god. | Oh, god. |
| 938 | 00:40:28,561 | 00:40:29,538 | Relax. | Relax. |
| 939 | 00:40:29,562 | 00:40:30,171 | Fuck! | Fuck! |
| 940 | 00:40:30,195 | 00:40:31,607 | Do you know what you need? | Do you know what you need? |
| 941 | 00:40:31,631 | 00:40:32,974 | Yeah. A new job, apparently. | Yeah. A new job, apparently. |
| 942 | 00:40:32,998 | 00:40:34,776 | No, no, no, no. You need a drink. | No, no, no, no. You need a drink. |
| 943 | 00:40:34,800 | 00:40:36,177 | A drink. A real drink. | A drink. A real drink. |
| 944 | 00:40:36,201 | 00:40:37,846 | Do you have any vodka? | Do you have any vodka? |
| 945 | 00:40:37,870 | 00:40:40,015 | Um, I don't know. Is this vodka? | Um, I don't know. Is this vodka? |
| 946 | 00:40:40,039 | 00:40:42,017 | I've had it since like 1947. | I've had it since like 1947. |
| 947 | 00:40:42,041 | 00:40:43,985 | All right, do you have Martini glasses? | All right, do you have Martini glasses? |
| 948 | 00:40:44,009 | 00:40:45,454 | Those are my Martini glasses. | Those are my Martini glasses. |
| 949 | 00:40:45,478 | 00:40:47,623 | And my juice glasses. And my water glasses. | And my juice glasses. And my water glasses. |
| 950 | 00:40:47,647 | 00:40:49,591 | All right, never mind. They'll do. | All right, never mind. They'll do. |
| 951 | 00:40:49,615 | 00:40:50,926 | I am going to introduce you | I am going to introduce you |
| 952 | 00:40:50,950 | 00:40:53,986 | to the wonderful world of Martinis. | to the wonderful world of Martinis. |
| 953 | 00:41:20,079 | 00:41:21,923 | No, no, no. Screen, screen. | No, no, no. Screen, screen. |
| 954 | 00:41:21,947 | 00:41:23,024 | No, no. Let me get it. | No, no. Let me get it. |
| 955 | 00:41:23,048 | 00:41:24,460 | Come on. Let the machine get it. | Come on. Let the machine get it. |
| 956 | 00:41:24,484 | 00:41:24,926 | You know what, I bet you can't do it. | You know what, I bet you can't do it. |
| 957 | 00:41:24,950 | 00:41:26,595 | I can do it. | I can do it. |
| 958 | 00:41:26,619 | 00:41:27,796 | I dare you. | I dare you. |
| 959 | 00:41:31,023 | 00:41:31,933 | All right. | All right. |
| 960 | 00:41:31,957 | 00:41:33,802 | Hi. This is Eli. Leave a message. | Hi. This is Eli. Leave a message. |
| 961 | 00:41:33,826 | 00:41:35,837 | I got to get that piece- of-shit machine fixed. | I got to get that piece- of-shit machine fixed. |
| 962 | 00:41:35,861 | 00:41:37,005 | Eli, this is Dr. Wyckoff. | Eli, this is Dr. Wyckoff. |
| 963 | 00:41:37,029 | 00:41:38,474 | There's something wrong with your machine. | There's something wrong with your machine. |
| 964 | 00:41:38,498 | 00:41:39,040 | Who's that, your shrink? | Who's that, your shrink? |
| 965 | 00:41:39,064 | 00:41:40,075 | No, it's my mom. | No, it's my mom. |
| 966 | 00:41:40,099 | 00:41:40,876 | You refer to her as... | You refer to her as... |
| 967 | 00:41:40,900 | 00:41:42,143 | It took her 12 years to get her Ph.D. | It took her 12 years to get her Ph.D. |
| 968 | 00:41:42,167 | 00:41:43,545 | She likes to hear herself say it, okay? | She likes to hear herself say it, okay? |
| 969 | 00:41:43,569 | 00:41:44,980 | Now move. No, come on. I'm serious. | Now move. No, come on. I'm serious. |
| 970 | 00:41:45,004 | 00:41:47,148 | Eli, I was just reading the new England journal of medicine. | Eli, I was just reading the new England journal of medicine. |
| 971 | 00:41:47,172 | 00:41:49,017 | And there's a pull-out section on the new t.S.E... | And there's a pull-out section on the new t.S.E... |
| 972 | 00:41:49,041 | 00:41:54,656 | Testicular self-exam and how to make it part of your lifestyle. | Testicular self-exam and how to make it part of your lifestyle. |
| 973 | 00:41:54,680 | 00:41:55,223 | My god. | My god. |
| 974 | 00:41:55,247 | 00:41:56,091 | Do you want to try it? | Do you want to try it? |
| 975 | 00:41:56,115 | 00:41:58,727 | No. Come on. God damn it. I can't bel... | No. Come on. God damn it. I can't bel... |
| 976 | 00:41:58,751 | 00:42:00,729 | I faxed the diagram over to your office. | I faxed the diagram over to your office. |
| 977 | 00:42:00,753 | 00:42:02,097 | I put your name all over it. | I put your name all over it. |
| 978 | 00:42:02,121 | 00:42:04,065 | Oh, my god. Oh, my god. | Oh, my god. Oh, my god. |
| 979 | 00:42:04,089 | 00:42:05,567 | Yeah. Don't listen. | Yeah. Don't listen. |
| 980 | 00:42:05,591 | 00:42:07,035 | The hues just hit you right in the face. | The hues just hit you right in the face. |
| 981 | 00:42:07,059 | 00:42:10,506 | You may want to give yourself an exam while I read aloud. | You may want to give yourself an exam while I read aloud. |
| 982 | 00:42:10,530 | 00:42:12,140 | I think we should do this exam together. | I think we should do this exam together. |
| 983 | 00:42:12,164 | 00:42:15,601 | Okay, let's take a deep breath together. | Okay, let's take a deep breath together. |
| 984 | 00:42:15,968 | 00:42:19,515 | Okay, start by lifting the penis to one side. | Okay, start by lifting the penis to one side. |
| 985 | 00:42:19,539 | 00:42:20,882 | Oh, my god. | Oh, my god. |
| 986 | 00:42:20,906 | 00:42:22,551 | Slowly roll the testicle | Slowly roll the testicle |
| 987 | 00:42:22,575 | 00:42:24,786 | between the thumb and fingers, | between the thumb and fingers, |
| 988 | 00:42:24,810 | 00:42:27,022 | applying slight pressure. | applying slight pressure. |
| 989 | 00:42:27,046 | 00:42:27,889 | Ow! | Ow! |
| 990 | 00:42:28,848 | 00:42:29,891 | Hello? Mom? | Hello? Mom? |
| 991 | 00:42:29,915 | 00:42:30,926 | It's me. | It's me. |
| 992 | 00:42:30,950 | 00:42:32,728 | Who? | Who? |
| 993 | 00:42:32,752 | 00:42:33,461 | Eli! | Eli! |
| 994 | 00:42:33,485 | 00:42:36,131 | Eli. Oh, well, are we screening? | Eli. Oh, well, are we screening? |
| 995 | 00:42:36,155 | 00:42:38,166 | Yeah... no. I wasn't, actually. | Yeah... no. I wasn't, actually. |
| 996 | 00:42:38,190 | 00:42:39,535 | We just got in. | We just got in. |
| 997 | 00:42:39,559 | 00:42:41,937 | We. Mm-hmm. What does that mean? | We. Mm-hmm. What does that mean? |
| 998 | 00:42:41,961 | 00:42:43,639 | Can I call you back? | Can I call you back? |
| 999 | 00:42:43,663 | 00:42:44,973 | Do we have company? | Do we have company? |
| 1000 | 00:42:44,997 | 00:42:45,907 | Yes. | Yes. |
| 1001 | 00:42:45,931 | 00:42:47,809 | Jewish? | Jewish? |
| 1002 | 00:42:47,833 | 00:42:49,044 | No, but... | No, but... |
| 1003 | 00:42:49,068 | 00:42:49,911 | Cute? | Cute? |
| 1004 | 00:42:49,935 | 00:42:51,312 | Will you stop? | Will you stop? |
| 1005 | 00:42:51,336 | 00:42:52,080 | Wear a condom. | Wear a condom. |
| 1006 | 00:42:52,104 | 00:42:53,682 | Oh, god, mom, no. It's not like... | Oh, god, mom, no. It's not like... |
| 1007 | 00:42:53,706 | 00:42:54,983 | Did you hear the stuff about the t.S.E.? | Did you hear the stuff about the t.S.E.? |
| 1008 | 00:42:55,007 | 00:42:57,152 | Did you hear what I was talking about? | Did you hear what I was talking about? |
| 1009 | 00:42:57,176 | 00:42:59,054 | Yeah. We both did. Thanks. | Yeah. We both did. Thanks. |
| 1010 | 00:42:59,078 | 00:43:00,889 | Maybe you could both do it together then. | Maybe you could both do it together then. |
| 1011 | 00:43:00,913 | 00:43:04,960 | Nothing wrong with helping each other with a testicular exam. | Nothing wrong with helping each other with a testicular exam. |
| 1012 | 00:43:04,984 | 00:43:05,827 | Mom... | Mom... |
| 1013 | 00:43:05,851 | 00:43:06,494 | Don't be shy. | Don't be shy. |
| 1014 | 00:43:06,518 | 00:43:07,395 | I got to call you later, okay? | I got to call you later, okay? |
| 1015 | 00:43:07,419 | 00:43:09,164 | Wait, honey, please, hold on for a second. | Wait, honey, please, hold on for a second. |
| 1016 | 00:43:09,188 | 00:43:11,967 | Call me tomorrow morning between 6:50 and 7:00... | Call me tomorrow morning between 6:50 and 7:00... |
| 1017 | 00:43:11,991 | 00:43:13,893 | Good-bye. God. | Good-bye. God. |
| 1018 | 00:43:14,760 | 00:43:16,004 | I feel so dirty. | I feel so dirty. |
| 1019 | 00:43:16,028 | 00:43:19,207 | So why does it matter if I'm Jewish? | So why does it matter if I'm Jewish? |
| 1020 | 00:43:19,231 | 00:43:21,009 | You heard that? | You heard that? |
| 1021 | 00:43:21,033 | 00:43:22,678 | Oh, yeah. | Oh, yeah. |
| 1022 | 00:43:22,702 | 00:43:23,478 | Oh, my god. | Oh, my god. |
| 1023 | 00:43:23,502 | 00:43:24,913 | I am going to go to the bathroom now | I am going to go to the bathroom now |
| 1024 | 00:43:24,937 | 00:43:27,315 | and hope to god that I can overdose on tums | and hope to god that I can overdose on tums |
| 1025 | 00:43:27,339 | 00:43:29,685 | or Maalox or pine-scented glade. | or Maalox or pine-scented glade. |
| 1026 | 00:43:29,709 | 00:43:30,952 | I'm so embarrassed. | I'm so embarrassed. |
| 1027 | 00:43:30,976 | 00:43:32,320 | Don't be. It wasn't that bad. | Don't be. It wasn't that bad. |
| 1028 | 00:43:32,344 | 00:43:34,890 | Really. It was funny, actually. | Really. It was funny, actually. |
| 1029 | 00:43:34,914 | 00:43:38,159 | Will you please call mom for me? I cannot talk to her. | Will you please call mom for me? I cannot talk to her. |
| 1030 | 00:43:38,183 | 00:43:40,028 | The woman stopped having boundaries | The woman stopped having boundaries |
| 1031 | 00:43:40,052 | 00:43:41,930 | when she stopped wearing a bra. | when she stopped wearing a bra. |
| 1032 | 00:43:41,954 | 00:43:43,732 | And the fact that I know that... ooh. | And the fact that I know that... ooh. |
| 1033 | 00:43:43,756 | 00:43:44,766 | I know. It's scary. | I know. It's scary. |
| 1034 | 00:43:44,790 | 00:43:46,668 | Does she pull that shit with you? | Does she pull that shit with you? |
| 1035 | 00:43:46,692 | 00:43:48,169 | Are you kidding? She wanted me to | Are you kidding? She wanted me to |
| 1036 | 00:43:48,193 | 00:43:51,072 | tape my first time for her professional evaluation. | tape my first time for her professional evaluation. |
| 1037 | 00:43:51,096 | 00:43:52,808 | And? | And? |
| 1038 | 00:43:52,832 | 00:43:53,975 | I'm not telling you. | I'm not telling you. |
| 1039 | 00:43:53,999 | 00:43:56,344 | Oh, god, and did I tell you... she just sent me this article | Oh, god, and did I tell you... she just sent me this article |
| 1040 | 00:43:56,368 | 00:43:58,780 | about circle jerks in the new safe sex. | about circle jerks in the new safe sex. |
| 1041 | 00:43:58,804 | 00:44:00,148 | Can you believe I thought | Can you believe I thought |
| 1042 | 00:44:00,172 | 00:44:01,316 | "circle jerks" was a figure-skating term? | "circle jerks" was a figure-skating term? |
| 1043 | 00:44:01,340 | 00:44:04,720 | Well, you know, it is... With the male figure skaters. | Well, you know, it is... With the male figure skaters. |
| 1044 | 00:44:04,744 | 00:44:07,288 | Will you please call her for me... please. | Will you please call her for me... please. |
| 1045 | 00:44:07,312 | 00:44:08,389 | I cannot talk to her. | I cannot talk to her. |
| 1046 | 00:44:08,413 | 00:44:10,125 | You know, you can't fight it. | You know, you can't fight it. |
| 1047 | 00:44:10,149 | 00:44:11,359 | And the more you try to avoid her, | And the more you try to avoid her, |
| 1048 | 00:44:11,383 | 00:44:13,328 | the more she's going to insist on meeting... | the more she's going to insist on meeting... |
| 1049 | 00:44:13,352 | 00:44:15,330 | What's your new boyfriend's name? | What's your new boyfriend's name? |
| 1050 | 00:44:15,354 | 00:44:17,766 | Tom. And he's not my boyfriend. | Tom. And he's not my boyfriend. |
| 1051 | 00:44:17,790 | 00:44:18,499 | Whatever. | Whatever. |
| 1052 | 00:44:18,523 | 00:44:20,068 | I don't know what the hell he is. | I don't know what the hell he is. |
| 1053 | 00:44:20,092 | 00:44:22,003 | What do you want him to be? | What do you want him to be? |
| 1054 | 00:44:22,027 | 00:44:22,938 | What? | What? |
| 1055 | 00:44:22,962 | 00:44:24,740 | I... no. Yeah. | I... no. Yeah. |
| 1056 | 00:44:24,764 | 00:44:27,643 | It's like... I... no, no... | It's like... I... no, no... |
| 1057 | 00:44:27,667 | 00:44:31,312 | I just wish I knew one way or the other. | I just wish I knew one way or the other. |
| 1058 | 00:44:31,336 | 00:44:34,349 | Okay, put the bong down, space cowboy. | Okay, put the bong down, space cowboy. |
| 1059 | 00:44:34,373 | 00:44:38,811 | He's your fucking boyfriend, just like I said. | He's your fucking boyfriend, just like I said. |
| 1060 | 00:44:47,753 | 00:44:48,897 | Eli. | Eli. |
| 1061 | 00:44:48,921 | 00:44:50,656 | Oh, hey. | Oh, hey. |
| 1062 | 00:44:53,358 | 00:44:57,438 | ♪ When you said to me | ♪ When you said to me |
| 1063 | 00:44:57,462 | 00:45:00,876 | ♪ you are not so old | ♪ you are not so old |
| 1064 | 00:45:00,900 | 00:45:04,312 | ♪ did I know it then | ♪ did I know it then |
| 1065 | 00:45:04,336 | 00:45:07,182 | ♪ 'cause I had just been told | ♪ 'cause I had just been told |
| 1066 | 00:45:07,206 | 00:45:10,251 | ♪ I didn't think I'd find you | ♪ I didn't think I'd find you |
| 1067 | 00:45:10,275 | 00:45:13,789 | ♪ perfect in so many ways | ♪ perfect in so many ways |
| 1068 | 00:45:13,813 | 00:45:16,124 | ♪ but I've been waiting | ♪ but I've been waiting |
| 1069 | 00:45:16,148 | 00:45:17,292 | ♪ waiting | ♪ waiting |
| 1070 | 00:45:17,316 | 00:45:19,027 | what is it with you and nudity? | what is it with you and nudity? |
| 1071 | 00:45:19,051 | 00:45:21,396 | Nothing. But that movie was pandering. | Nothing. But that movie was pandering. |
| 1072 | 00:45:21,420 | 00:45:22,731 | It was an art film. | It was an art film. |
| 1073 | 00:45:22,755 | 00:45:24,700 | Yeah... the art of guys with 6-pack abs | Yeah... the art of guys with 6-pack abs |
| 1074 | 00:45:24,724 | 00:45:26,234 | blowing each other every chance they get. | blowing each other every chance they get. |
| 1075 | 00:45:26,258 | 00:45:28,236 | And every gay guy in L.A. | And every gay guy in L.A. |
| 1076 | 00:45:28,260 | 00:45:29,971 | Is like "run, don't walk." | Is like "run, don't walk." |
| 1077 | 00:45:29,995 | 00:45:31,873 | And the problem with that is... | And the problem with that is... |
| 1078 | 00:45:31,897 | 00:45:33,942 | Christ, you may as well stay home and watch | Christ, you may as well stay home and watch |
| 1079 | 00:45:33,966 | 00:45:35,877 | the hand that rocks my ladle | the hand that rocks my ladle |
| 1080 | 00:45:35,901 | 00:45:36,778 | or Pocahoncho. | or Pocahoncho. |
| 1081 | 00:45:36,802 | 00:45:38,880 | At least those movies don't pretend to be | At least those movies don't pretend to be |
| 1082 | 00:45:38,904 | 00:45:40,381 | something that they're not. | something that they're not. |
| 1083 | 00:45:40,405 | 00:45:41,850 | You have those? Pop them in. | You have those? Pop them in. |
| 1084 | 00:45:41,874 | 00:45:44,152 | Oh, god. See? You're part of the problem. | Oh, god. See? You're part of the problem. |
| 1085 | 00:45:44,176 | 00:45:45,253 | Let me get this straight. | Let me get this straight. |
| 1086 | 00:45:45,277 | 00:45:47,122 | You think that a movie about 2 guys... | You think that a movie about 2 guys... |
| 1087 | 00:45:47,146 | 00:45:49,124 | It can't be about love... Just sex? | It can't be about love... Just sex? |
| 1088 | 00:45:49,148 | 00:45:50,325 | Those guys were in love. | Those guys were in love. |
| 1089 | 00:45:50,349 | 00:45:52,828 | Granted, it was a special kind of love. | Granted, it was a special kind of love. |
| 1090 | 00:45:52,852 | 00:45:54,796 | The kind of love that required latex. | The kind of love that required latex. |
| 1091 | 00:45:54,820 | 00:45:56,464 | Oh, my god. You know what, never mind. | Oh, my god. You know what, never mind. |
| 1092 | 00:45:56,488 | 00:45:57,598 | I cannot have this argument with a guy | I cannot have this argument with a guy |
| 1093 | 00:45:57,622 | 00:46:01,369 | who never saw gone with the wind... what is that? | who never saw gone with the wind... what is that? |
| 1094 | 00:46:01,393 | 00:46:02,370 | God, would you relax. | God, would you relax. |
| 1095 | 00:46:02,394 | 00:46:05,941 | Huh? You're going to give yourself an aneurysm. | Huh? You're going to give yourself an aneurysm. |
| 1096 | 00:46:05,965 | 00:46:07,843 | You are infuriating. | You are infuriating. |
| 1097 | 00:46:07,867 | 00:46:11,346 | You... you don't have to. | You... you don't have to. |
| 1098 | 00:46:11,370 | 00:46:14,373 | Do you want me to stop? | Do you want me to stop? |
| 1099 | 00:46:15,775 | 00:46:17,518 | No. | No. |
| 1100 | 00:46:17,542 | 00:46:19,478 | Mmm. | Mmm. |
| 1101 | 00:46:20,512 | 00:46:23,749 | Man, you always smell so good. | Man, you always smell so good. |
| 1102 | 00:46:26,418 | 00:46:28,463 | Okay, there you go. | Okay, there you go. |
| 1103 | 00:46:28,487 | 00:46:31,833 | So, uh, Saturday is tennis, right? | So, uh, Saturday is tennis, right? |
| 1104 | 00:46:31,857 | 00:46:33,501 | There must be an open on... | There must be an open on... |
| 1105 | 00:46:33,525 | 00:46:36,838 | Australia, British. Pakistani, right? | Australia, British. Pakistani, right? |
| 1106 | 00:46:36,862 | 00:46:39,331 | Is something wrong? | Is something wrong? |
| 1107 | 00:46:40,866 | 00:46:41,642 | What? No, no. | What? No, no. |
| 1108 | 00:46:41,666 | 00:46:44,245 | I just want to watch TV, that's all. | I just want to watch TV, that's all. |
| 1109 | 00:46:44,269 | 00:46:45,246 | Huh. | Huh. |
| 1110 | 00:46:45,270 | 00:46:48,207 | That's okay. Whatever. I get it. | That's okay. Whatever. I get it. |
| 1111 | 00:46:49,441 | 00:46:50,786 | Get what? | Get what? |
| 1112 | 00:46:50,810 | 00:46:51,586 | Same as usual. | Same as usual. |
| 1113 | 00:46:51,610 | 00:46:53,421 | The whole come-here- go-away routine. | The whole come-here- go-away routine. |
| 1114 | 00:46:53,445 | 00:46:55,523 | What, do you want me to keep massaging you? | What, do you want me to keep massaging you? |
| 1115 | 00:46:55,547 | 00:46:56,557 | I will, but I got to tell you, | I will, but I got to tell you, |
| 1116 | 00:46:56,581 | 00:46:59,327 | this isn't exactly the way to get me to want to. | this isn't exactly the way to get me to want to. |
| 1117 | 00:46:59,351 | 00:47:01,396 | No, Tom, it's actually fine. | No, Tom, it's actually fine. |
| 1118 | 00:47:01,420 | 00:47:03,331 | You know, that's just... | You know, that's just... |
| 1119 | 00:47:03,355 | 00:47:04,800 | You're not attracted to me, | You're not attracted to me, |
| 1120 | 00:47:04,824 | 00:47:07,335 | you want to just be friends... I can handle that. | you want to just be friends... I can handle that. |
| 1121 | 00:47:07,359 | 00:47:09,570 | But then stop fucking calling me and inviting me | But then stop fucking calling me and inviting me |
| 1122 | 00:47:09,594 | 00:47:12,073 | to see semi-porn on a Saturday afternoon. | to see semi-porn on a Saturday afternoon. |
| 1123 | 00:47:12,097 | 00:47:13,809 | And then drag me back to my house | And then drag me back to my house |
| 1124 | 00:47:13,833 | 00:47:14,976 | and start rubbing my shoulders | and start rubbing my shoulders |
| 1125 | 00:47:15,000 | 00:47:16,845 | and expect me to be like, "hey, buddy, | and expect me to be like, "hey, buddy, |
| 1126 | 00:47:16,869 | 00:47:18,814 | thanks a lot. I'll see you around." | thanks a lot. I'll see you around." |
| 1127 | 00:47:18,838 | 00:47:20,515 | What is so wrong with taking things slow? | What is so wrong with taking things slow? |
| 1128 | 00:47:20,539 | 00:47:22,583 | Huh? Why does it always have to be | Huh? Why does it always have to be |
| 1129 | 00:47:22,607 | 00:47:24,452 | all or nothing with you? | all or nothing with you? |
| 1130 | 00:47:24,476 | 00:47:25,553 | I don't know. | I don't know. |
| 1131 | 00:47:25,577 | 00:47:26,487 | All right, fine. | All right, fine. |
| 1132 | 00:47:26,511 | 00:47:29,324 | Then maybe we should cool it off for a while. | Then maybe we should cool it off for a while. |
| 1133 | 00:47:29,348 | 00:47:31,192 | No, I like you. I do. | No, I like you. I do. |
| 1134 | 00:47:31,216 | 00:47:32,493 | Thank you. | Thank you. |
| 1135 | 00:47:32,517 | 00:47:34,863 | It's just... | It's just... |
| 1136 | 00:47:34,887 | 00:47:37,165 | I want to have a good time. | I want to have a good time. |
| 1137 | 00:47:37,189 | 00:47:38,133 | That's all. | That's all. |
| 1138 | 00:47:38,157 | 00:47:40,836 | I don't want to make this this intense thing. | I don't want to make this this intense thing. |
| 1139 | 00:47:40,860 | 00:47:44,396 | And you seem to want this... | And you seem to want this... |
| 1140 | 00:47:45,164 | 00:47:46,474 | I don't know. I don't know. | I don't know. I don't know. |
| 1141 | 00:47:46,498 | 00:47:48,868 | What do you want? | What do you want? |
| 1142 | 00:47:50,602 | 00:47:53,272 | Eggs, actually. | Eggs, actually. |
| 1143 | 00:47:54,940 | 00:47:56,275 | Whatever. | Whatever. |
| 1144 | 00:48:03,883 | 00:48:04,759 | Remember cooties? | Remember cooties? |
| 1145 | 00:48:04,783 | 00:48:07,929 | Don't touch the losers or you get cooties. | Don't touch the losers or you get cooties. |
| 1146 | 00:48:07,953 | 00:48:09,430 | And who are the losers? | And who are the losers? |
| 1147 | 00:48:09,454 | 00:48:11,632 | Easy. Anybody with a hard-boiled egg | Easy. Anybody with a hard-boiled egg |
| 1148 | 00:48:11,656 | 00:48:13,534 | in their lunch bag. | in their lunch bag. |
| 1149 | 00:48:13,558 | 00:48:15,236 | Well, I don't think | Well, I don't think |
| 1150 | 00:48:15,260 | 00:48:18,039 | Tom liked what I had in my lunch bag. | Tom liked what I had in my lunch bag. |
| 1151 | 00:48:18,063 | 00:48:20,441 | What about sex? I mean, people do have sex. | What about sex? I mean, people do have sex. |
| 1152 | 00:48:20,465 | 00:48:23,144 | Sex is the logical outgrowth of... | Sex is the logical outgrowth of... |
| 1153 | 00:48:23,168 | 00:48:24,612 | Eli, let it out. | Eli, let it out. |
| 1154 | 00:48:24,636 | 00:48:28,283 | No, you know, I don't want to talk about it. | No, you know, I don't want to talk about it. |
| 1155 | 00:48:28,307 | 00:48:29,250 | Cop-out! | Cop-out! |
| 1156 | 00:48:29,274 | 00:48:31,586 | Why do you feel the need to beat yourself up? | Why do you feel the need to beat yourself up? |
| 1157 | 00:48:31,610 | 00:48:33,354 | Why won't you let us into the now? | Why won't you let us into the now? |
| 1158 | 00:48:33,378 | 00:48:36,925 | Why do I feel like I'm in a cheesy seventies est seminar? | Why do I feel like I'm in a cheesy seventies est seminar? |
| 1159 | 00:48:36,949 | 00:48:37,926 | Good. How else do you feel? | Good. How else do you feel? |
| 1160 | 00:48:37,950 | 00:48:40,661 | Would you like us to bring out the feel wheel? | Would you like us to bring out the feel wheel? |
| 1161 | 00:48:40,685 | 00:48:42,330 | You know what, no. I would actually like it | You know what, no. I would actually like it |
| 1162 | 00:48:42,354 | 00:48:45,624 | if you would just leave me alone for a little while. | if you would just leave me alone for a little while. |
| 1163 | 00:48:54,299 | 00:48:55,343 | Let me in. | Let me in. |
| 1164 | 00:48:55,367 | 00:48:56,677 | I'm not going to hurt you. | I'm not going to hurt you. |
| 1165 | 00:48:56,701 | 00:48:59,347 | I'm your friend. What is wrong? | I'm your friend. What is wrong? |
| 1166 | 00:48:59,371 | 00:49:00,949 | I'm fine, okay? | I'm fine, okay? |
| 1167 | 00:49:00,973 | 00:49:02,942 | I don't think so. | I don't think so. |
| 1168 | 00:49:05,945 | 00:49:07,088 | It's this guy. | It's this guy. |
| 1169 | 00:49:07,112 | 00:49:08,056 | I knew it. | I knew it. |
| 1170 | 00:49:08,080 | 00:49:11,626 | He has this reputation for being sort of easy. | He has this reputation for being sort of easy. |
| 1171 | 00:49:11,650 | 00:49:12,961 | Mm-hmm. | Mm-hmm. |
| 1172 | 00:49:12,985 | 00:49:14,329 | Not with me. | Not with me. |
| 1173 | 00:49:14,353 | 00:49:16,264 | With me, it's hard. | With me, it's hard. |
| 1174 | 00:49:16,288 | 00:49:19,434 | Or not hard... maybe that's the problem. | Or not hard... maybe that's the problem. |
| 1175 | 00:49:19,458 | 00:49:21,660 | Okay... | Okay... |
| 1176 | 00:49:25,965 | 00:49:27,342 | Oh, Eli. What is this? | Oh, Eli. What is this? |
| 1177 | 00:49:27,366 | 00:49:29,644 | A closeted gay teacher is outed by a former student | A closeted gay teacher is outed by a former student |
| 1178 | 00:49:29,668 | 00:49:30,678 | on the night of the academy awards | on the night of the academy awards |
| 1179 | 00:49:30,702 | 00:49:33,281 | in the ground-breaking comedy starring Kevin Kline. | in the ground-breaking comedy starring Kevin Kline. |
| 1180 | 00:49:33,305 | 00:49:35,016 | I hate this film. David, come in here, | I hate this film. David, come in here, |
| 1181 | 00:49:35,040 | 00:49:36,985 | you won't believe what they're showing again. | you won't believe what they're showing again. |
| 1182 | 00:49:37,009 | 00:49:38,686 | What a piece-of-shit film. Honestly. | What a piece-of-shit film. Honestly. |
| 1183 | 00:49:38,710 | 00:49:40,255 | Like we're supposed to believe... | Like we're supposed to believe... |
| 1184 | 00:49:40,279 | 00:49:42,023 | Look at this. They're showing it again. | Look at this. They're showing it again. |
| 1185 | 00:49:42,047 | 00:49:42,890 | They showed it last week. | They showed it last week. |
| 1186 | 00:49:42,914 | 00:49:43,992 | That this woman's going to fall in love | That this woman's going to fall in love |
| 1187 | 00:49:44,016 | 00:49:46,694 | with a middle-aged, homophobic, self-hating teacher | with a middle-aged, homophobic, self-hating teacher |
| 1188 | 00:49:46,718 | 00:49:48,429 | who's only now discovered he's gay. | who's only now discovered he's gay. |
| 1189 | 00:49:48,453 | 00:49:50,031 | We hated this movie. | We hated this movie. |
| 1190 | 00:49:50,055 | 00:49:50,898 | I don't think so. | I don't think so. |
| 1191 | 00:49:50,922 | 00:49:52,733 | Change the channel. Change the channel. | Change the channel. Change the channel. |
| 1192 | 00:49:52,757 | 00:49:54,493 | Fuck you! | Fuck you! |
| 1193 | 00:50:07,272 | 00:50:08,349 | Hi. | Hi. |
| 1194 | 00:50:08,373 | 00:50:09,717 | Hi, sunny. | Hi, sunny. |
| 1195 | 00:50:09,741 | 00:50:12,320 | Mmm... | Mmm... |
| 1196 | 00:50:12,344 | 00:50:14,622 | Oh, honey... | Oh, honey... |
| 1197 | 00:50:14,646 | 00:50:16,691 | That's so sweet. | That's so sweet. |
| 1198 | 00:50:16,715 | 00:50:19,627 | But right now the thought of food | But right now the thought of food |
| 1199 | 00:50:19,651 | 00:50:21,396 | makes me want to borch. | makes me want to borch. |
| 1200 | 00:50:21,420 | 00:50:23,999 | Pretty picture to wake up to, huh? | Pretty picture to wake up to, huh? |
| 1201 | 00:50:24,023 | 00:50:25,766 | Well, "a"... I can't imagine | Well, "a"... I can't imagine |
| 1202 | 00:50:25,790 | 00:50:29,070 | waking up to any other picture, | waking up to any other picture, |
| 1203 | 00:50:29,094 | 00:50:30,705 | and, "b"... | and, "b"... |
| 1204 | 00:50:30,729 | 00:50:34,009 | I don't ever want to have to. | I don't ever want to have to. |
| 1205 | 00:50:34,033 | 00:50:35,710 | What is this? | What is this? |
| 1206 | 00:50:35,734 | 00:50:37,012 | It's your capers. | It's your capers. |
| 1207 | 00:50:37,036 | 00:50:40,348 | I know how you like them on the side. | I know how you like them on the side. |
| 1208 | 00:50:40,372 | 00:50:42,717 | Oh, my god. | Oh, my god. |
| 1209 | 00:50:42,741 | 00:50:47,088 | Oh, my god. | Oh, my god. |
| 1210 | 00:50:47,112 | 00:50:49,324 | Oh, shit. | Oh, shit. |
| 1211 | 00:50:49,348 | 00:50:50,591 | D... huh? | D... huh? |
| 1212 | 00:50:50,615 | 00:50:53,561 | Oh, no. No, no, no. I... | Oh, no. No, no, no. I... |
| 1213 | 00:50:53,585 | 00:50:55,763 | Of course I'll marry you. | Of course I'll marry you. |
| 1214 | 00:50:55,787 | 00:50:58,433 | It's just that now everybody's going to think | It's just that now everybody's going to think |
| 1215 | 00:50:58,457 | 00:51:01,993 | we're doing it because I'm pregnant. | we're doing it because I'm pregnant. |
| 1216 | 00:51:04,096 | 00:51:07,275 | You're kidding me. Are you kidding me? | You're kidding me. Are you kidding me? |
| 1217 | 00:51:07,299 | 00:51:11,379 | Holy... oh, my god. | Holy... oh, my god. |
| 1218 | 00:51:11,403 | 00:51:14,215 | Oh, my god. | Oh, my god. |
| 1219 | 00:51:14,239 | 00:51:15,683 | Mmm. Mr. Preggers. | Mmm. Mr. Preggers. |
| 1220 | 00:51:15,707 | 00:51:19,444 | Mr. Preggers. Wake up, Mr. Preggers. | Mr. Preggers. Wake up, Mr. Preggers. |
| 1221 | 00:51:20,779 | 00:51:23,324 | We should have never fooled around. | We should have never fooled around. |
| 1222 | 00:51:23,348 | 00:51:25,593 | I know. Why don't you have some more wine? | I know. Why don't you have some more wine? |
| 1223 | 00:51:25,617 | 00:51:28,463 | What can I say? He doesn't make me weak in the knees. | What can I say? He doesn't make me weak in the knees. |
| 1224 | 00:51:28,487 | 00:51:31,366 | Please. That is exactly why you should be with him. | Please. That is exactly why you should be with him. |
| 1225 | 00:51:31,390 | 00:51:33,234 | I mean, the ones that make you dizzy | I mean, the ones that make you dizzy |
| 1226 | 00:51:33,258 | 00:51:35,136 | are only good for a quick fuck. | are only good for a quick fuck. |
| 1227 | 00:51:35,160 | 00:51:37,338 | The rest are marriage material, | The rest are marriage material, |
| 1228 | 00:51:37,362 | 00:51:38,406 | like Brett. | like Brett. |
| 1229 | 00:51:38,430 | 00:51:43,034 | That is exactly what I'm afraid of. | That is exactly what I'm afraid of. |
| 1230 | 00:51:44,336 | 00:51:47,172 | Wait. What? | Wait. What? |
| 1231 | 00:51:48,207 | 00:51:50,618 | Wow. Wow, that was fast. | Wow. Wow, that was fast. |
| 1232 | 00:51:50,642 | 00:51:53,321 | Well, tick-tock, you know? | Well, tick-tock, you know? |
| 1233 | 00:51:55,180 | 00:51:56,424 | You're crazy. | You're crazy. |
| 1234 | 00:51:56,448 | 00:51:58,593 | I want you to be my man of honor. | I want you to be my man of honor. |
| 1235 | 00:51:58,617 | 00:51:59,794 | There's no such thing. | There's no such thing. |
| 1236 | 00:51:59,818 | 00:52:00,828 | So? You're my best friend. | So? You're my best friend. |
| 1237 | 00:52:00,852 | 00:52:04,099 | I couldn't even imagine anybody else by my side. | I couldn't even imagine anybody else by my side. |
| 1238 | 00:52:04,123 | 00:52:06,134 | And your first duty as my personal slave | And your first duty as my personal slave |
| 1239 | 00:52:06,158 | 00:52:08,827 | is to pretend to love it. | is to pretend to love it. |
| 1240 | 00:52:10,362 | 00:52:14,109 | Fine. Fine. Fine. | Fine. Fine. Fine. |
| 1241 | 00:52:14,133 | 00:52:17,336 | Thanks. I love you. | Thanks. I love you. |
| 1242 | 00:52:22,374 | 00:52:26,187 | ♪ I've been walking backwards lately ♪ | ♪ I've been walking backwards lately ♪ |
| 1243 | 00:52:26,211 | 00:52:30,825 | ♪ To see if I could find you ♪ | ♪ To see if I could find you ♪ |
| 1244 | 00:52:31,883 | 00:52:36,497 | It's Jackie. Again. Hello? | It's Jackie. Again. Hello? |
| 1245 | 00:52:36,521 | 00:52:39,800 | Where are you? Call me back... stat. | Where are you? Call me back... stat. |
| 1246 | 00:52:39,824 | 00:52:43,204 | ♪ Imagine you falling asleep ♪ | ♪ Imagine you falling asleep ♪ |
| 1247 | 00:52:43,228 | 00:52:48,576 | ♪ Watching TV in the den | ♪ Watching TV in the den |
| 1248 | 00:52:48,600 | 00:52:54,349 | ♪ if I could bring you back ♪ | ♪ if I could bring you back ♪ |
| 1249 | 00:52:54,373 | 00:52:56,484 | ♪ Talk about... | ♪ Talk about... |
| 1250 | 00:52:57,642 | 00:53:00,855 | Hi, this is Tom. Leave a message or don't. | Hi, this is Tom. Leave a message or don't. |
| 1251 | 00:53:02,814 | 00:53:04,692 | This is the bride-to-be. | This is the bride-to-be. |
| 1252 | 00:53:04,716 | 00:53:06,161 | I really wouldn't mind | I really wouldn't mind |
| 1253 | 00:53:06,185 | 00:53:07,828 | having my best friend around right now, | having my best friend around right now, |
| 1254 | 00:53:07,852 | 00:53:11,832 | being that it's the most important time of my life. | being that it's the most important time of my life. |
| 1255 | 00:53:11,856 | 00:53:15,636 | But, hey, maybe that's just too much to ask for. | But, hey, maybe that's just too much to ask for. |
| 1256 | 00:53:15,660 | 00:53:20,475 | ♪ Anything just to see your face again ♪ | ♪ Anything just to see your face again ♪ |
| 1257 | 00:53:20,499 | 00:53:24,645 | ♪ And just to make you smile | ♪ And just to make you smile |
| 1258 | 00:53:24,669 | 00:53:29,484 | ♪ and set me free | ♪ and set me free |
| 1259 | 00:53:29,508 | 00:53:33,788 | ♪ if I could bring you back | ♪ if I could bring you back |
| 1260 | 00:53:33,812 | 00:53:37,958 | ♪ well, that'd be the sweetest thing ♪ | ♪ well, that'd be the sweetest thing ♪ |
| 1261 | 00:53:37,982 | 00:53:43,555 | ♪ If I could bring you back | ♪ If I could bring you back |
| 1262 | 00:53:44,289 | 00:53:48,360 | ♪ to me | ♪ to me |
| 1263 | 00:54:33,305 | 00:54:34,949 | ♪ Turn his head and run | ♪ Turn his head and run |
| 1264 | 00:54:34,973 | 00:54:36,951 | ♪ and don't look back | ♪ and don't look back |
| 1265 | 00:54:36,975 | 00:54:37,852 | ♪ because I fear | ♪ because I fear |
| 1266 | 00:54:37,876 | 00:54:42,457 | ♪ there is nothing left to say to you ♪ | ♪ there is nothing left to say to you ♪ |
| 1267 | 00:54:42,481 | 00:54:44,959 | ♪ That you want to hear, that you want to know ♪ | ♪ That you want to hear, that you want to know ♪ |
| 1268 | 00:54:44,983 | 00:54:46,427 | ♪ I think I should go | ♪ I think I should go |
| 1269 | 00:54:46,451 | 00:54:50,765 | ♪ the things I have done are way too shameful ♪ | ♪ the things I have done are way too shameful ♪ |
| 1270 | 00:54:50,789 | 00:54:53,000 | ♪ Oh | ♪ Oh |
| 1271 | 00:54:53,024 | 00:54:57,305 | ♪ ooh, ooh, ooh | ♪ ooh, ooh, ooh |
| 1272 | 00:54:57,329 | 00:55:03,411 | ♪ ooh, ooh, ooh | ♪ ooh, ooh, ooh |
| 1273 | 00:55:03,435 | 00:55:05,270 | freeze! | freeze! |
| 1274 | 00:55:59,858 | 00:56:02,036 | Jack. Jack, pick up. It's me. | Jack. Jack, pick up. It's me. |
| 1275 | 00:56:02,060 | 00:56:05,039 | Jackie, please pick up. | Jackie, please pick up. |
| 1276 | 00:56:06,498 | 00:56:09,501 | All right, well, I met someone... | All right, well, I met someone... |
| 1277 | 00:56:10,469 | 00:56:13,414 | Apparently. Fuck! | Apparently. Fuck! |
| 1278 | 00:56:16,074 | 00:56:19,520 | Listen, Jack, I'm... | Listen, Jack, I'm... |
| 1279 | 00:56:19,544 | 00:56:24,359 | I'm really sorry I haven't returned your calls. | I'm really sorry I haven't returned your calls. |
| 1280 | 00:56:24,383 | 00:56:26,394 | I've been a shit, all right, | I've been a shit, all right, |
| 1281 | 00:56:26,418 | 00:56:31,322 | and it's me. It's not you. | and it's me. It's not you. |
| 1282 | 00:56:32,090 | 00:56:34,369 | Like you don't know that. | Like you don't know that. |
| 1283 | 00:56:39,798 | 00:56:41,141 | Jack, I really, really | Jack, I really, really |
| 1284 | 00:56:41,165 | 00:56:43,544 | need to talk to you, all right? | need to talk to you, all right? |
| 1285 | 00:56:43,568 | 00:56:45,012 | I'm freaking out here. | I'm freaking out here. |
| 1286 | 00:56:45,036 | 00:56:47,615 | Oh, Jesus, this guy has the number 8 | Oh, Jesus, this guy has the number 8 |
| 1287 | 00:56:47,639 | 00:56:51,342 | tattooed on his... Wait. | tattooed on his... Wait. |
| 1288 | 00:56:52,010 | 00:56:54,088 | Correction. It says "eighth wonder." | Correction. It says "eighth wonder." |
| 1289 | 00:56:54,112 | 00:56:57,425 | okay. Yeah. You know, I really know how to pick them. | okay. Yeah. You know, I really know how to pick them. |
| 1290 | 00:56:57,449 | 00:56:59,884 | Jack, please call me back. | Jack, please call me back. |
| 1291 | 00:57:05,590 | 00:57:08,769 | Open your eyes and look at me. | Open your eyes and look at me. |
| 1292 | 00:57:08,793 | 00:57:11,171 | No, I don't think I will kiss you... | No, I don't think I will kiss you... |
| 1293 | 00:57:11,195 | 00:57:14,466 | Although you need kissing badly. | Although you need kissing badly. |
| 1294 | 00:57:20,639 | 00:57:23,017 | If the right moment ever came. | If the right moment ever came. |
| 1295 | 00:57:23,041 | 00:57:26,487 | You're a conceited, black-hearted, varmint, Rhett Butler, | You're a conceited, black-hearted, varmint, Rhett Butler, |
| 1296 | 00:57:26,511 | 00:57:28,155 | and I don't know why I let you come and see me. | and I don't know why I let you come and see me. |
| 1297 | 00:57:28,179 | 00:57:30,891 | I'll tell you why, Scarlett. | I'll tell you why, Scarlett. |
| 1298 | 00:57:30,915 | 00:57:33,060 | The war can't last much longer. | The war can't last much longer. |
| 1299 | 00:57:33,084 | 00:57:34,261 | Really, Rhett. Why? | Really, Rhett. Why? |
| 1300 | 00:57:34,285 | 00:57:37,922 | There's a little battle going on right now that ought to... | There's a little battle going on right now that ought to... |
| 1301 | 00:57:43,227 | 00:57:44,472 | Hello? | Hello? |
| 1302 | 00:57:44,496 | 00:57:47,432 | How have you been? | How have you been? |
| 1303 | 00:57:52,937 | 00:57:54,181 | Okay. | Okay. |
| 1304 | 00:57:54,205 | 00:57:55,683 | Good. | Good. |
| 1305 | 00:57:55,707 | 00:57:58,810 | Listen, um... | Listen, um... |
| 1306 | 00:58:01,513 | 00:58:02,222 | What? | What? |
| 1307 | 00:58:02,246 | 00:58:03,824 | Well, what I was going to say was | Well, what I was going to say was |
| 1308 | 00:58:03,848 | 00:58:05,460 | I've been procrastinating | I've been procrastinating |
| 1309 | 00:58:05,484 | 00:58:07,127 | about this whole wedding thing. | about this whole wedding thing. |
| 1310 | 00:58:07,151 | 00:58:10,465 | I haven't gotten a gift for Jackie's shower yet. | I haven't gotten a gift for Jackie's shower yet. |
| 1311 | 00:58:10,489 | 00:58:12,467 | I guess I'm in denial. | I guess I'm in denial. |
| 1312 | 00:58:12,491 | 00:58:15,002 | I'm sure it's not the first time. | I'm sure it's not the first time. |
| 1313 | 00:58:15,026 | 00:58:17,896 | Yeah. Right. | Yeah. Right. |
| 1314 | 00:58:18,262 | 00:58:21,108 | You know, Tom, I guess I never got the e-mail, | You know, Tom, I guess I never got the e-mail, |
| 1315 | 00:58:21,132 | 00:58:24,679 | you know, that our cooling-off period was officially over. | you know, that our cooling-off period was officially over. |
| 1316 | 00:58:24,703 | 00:58:28,549 | And, frankly, I'd like to renew my option. | And, frankly, I'd like to renew my option. |
| 1317 | 00:58:28,573 | 00:58:30,818 | Um... yeah. I... | Um... yeah. I... |
| 1318 | 00:58:30,842 | 00:58:32,210 | Bye. | Bye. |
| 1319 | 00:58:35,814 | 00:58:36,691 | Fuck... fuck... | Fuck... fuck... |
| 1320 | 00:58:36,715 | 00:58:39,026 | Hi, this is Eli. Leave a message. | Hi, this is Eli. Leave a message. |
| 1321 | 00:58:39,050 | 00:58:39,994 | Yeah, it's Tom again. | Yeah, it's Tom again. |
| 1322 | 00:58:40,018 | 00:58:42,563 | Listen, I'm all for keeping things casual... | Listen, I'm all for keeping things casual... |
| 1323 | 00:58:42,587 | 00:58:43,864 | Now he's over me. That's just great. | Now he's over me. That's just great. |
| 1324 | 00:58:43,888 | 00:58:45,533 | But that doesn't mean we can't go out | But that doesn't mean we can't go out |
| 1325 | 00:58:45,557 | 00:58:47,134 | and buy a baby gift together, does it? | and buy a baby gift together, does it? |
| 1326 | 00:58:47,158 | 00:58:48,803 | I hate people like this. | I hate people like this. |
| 1327 | 00:58:48,827 | 00:58:49,904 | I know. | I know. |
| 1328 | 00:58:49,928 | 00:58:51,205 | They play this game. Once you decide to play it, too, | They play this game. Once you decide to play it, too, |
| 1329 | 00:58:51,229 | 00:58:52,973 | they don't want to play it anymore. | they don't want to play it anymore. |
| 1330 | 00:58:52,997 | 00:58:54,542 | I mean, what the fuck is that? | I mean, what the fuck is that? |
| 1331 | 00:58:54,566 | 00:58:56,043 | Yeah. You know, I'm starting to think | Yeah. You know, I'm starting to think |
| 1332 | 00:58:56,067 | 00:58:57,712 | that's all there is out there anymore. | that's all there is out there anymore. |
| 1333 | 00:58:57,736 | 00:58:58,412 | Well, that's wrong. | Well, that's wrong. |
| 1334 | 00:58:58,436 | 00:58:59,346 | Nope. No, here's what I think. | Nope. No, here's what I think. |
| 1335 | 00:58:59,370 | 00:59:01,749 | I think who I am, you know, what I've been... | I think who I am, you know, what I've been... |
| 1336 | 00:59:01,773 | 00:59:02,750 | Not working so much anymore. | Not working so much anymore. |
| 1337 | 00:59:02,774 | 00:59:04,952 | From now on, there's going to be a whole new Eli. | From now on, there's going to be a whole new Eli. |
| 1338 | 00:59:04,976 | 00:59:06,954 | The whole love thing... I don't buy it. | The whole love thing... I don't buy it. |
| 1339 | 00:59:06,978 | 00:59:08,188 | Well, how come it works for me? | Well, how come it works for me? |
| 1340 | 00:59:08,212 | 00:59:10,525 | Oh, my god, you are so full of shit. It doesn't work for you. | Oh, my god, you are so full of shit. It doesn't work for you. |
| 1341 | 00:59:10,549 | 00:59:13,093 | You fall in love with a different person each week. | You fall in love with a different person each week. |
| 1342 | 00:59:13,117 | 00:59:14,328 | My point exactly. | My point exactly. |
| 1343 | 00:59:14,352 | 00:59:15,763 | No, no, no. You fall in love with the idea of being in love... | No, no, no. You fall in love with the idea of being in love... |
| 1344 | 00:59:15,787 | 00:59:19,767 | With a married man to, what, experience the rush of breaking up a family? | With a married man to, what, experience the rush of breaking up a family? |
| 1345 | 00:59:19,791 | 00:59:23,638 | Now you fall in love with a deaf guy to learn sign language? | Now you fall in love with a deaf guy to learn sign language? |
| 1346 | 00:59:23,662 | 00:59:24,672 | Well, I did. | Well, I did. |
| 1347 | 00:59:24,696 | 00:59:26,607 | Okay, honey, this does not constitute sign language. | Okay, honey, this does not constitute sign language. |
| 1348 | 00:59:26,631 | 00:59:29,209 | And then with a woman just to piss off mom and dad. | And then with a woman just to piss off mom and dad. |
| 1349 | 00:59:29,233 | 00:59:30,845 | Okay, how much did that backfire? | Okay, how much did that backfire? |
| 1350 | 00:59:30,869 | 00:59:32,913 | That's the year that they decided to run | That's the year that they decided to run |
| 1351 | 00:59:32,937 | 00:59:33,948 | for co-president of p-flag. | for co-president of p-flag. |
| 1352 | 00:59:33,972 | 00:59:36,717 | You know what, from now on, it's just going to be | You know what, from now on, it's just going to be |
| 1353 | 00:59:36,741 | 00:59:38,553 | one-night stands, casual sex, | one-night stands, casual sex, |
| 1354 | 00:59:38,577 | 00:59:40,621 | just a lot of close friends. | just a lot of close friends. |
| 1355 | 00:59:40,645 | 00:59:41,656 | Hmph. You sound pathetic. | Hmph. You sound pathetic. |
| 1356 | 00:59:41,680 | 00:59:43,824 | No, you know what? For the first time in my life, | No, you know what? For the first time in my life, |
| 1357 | 00:59:43,848 | 00:59:45,560 | I think I actually make sense. | I think I actually make sense. |
| 1358 | 00:59:45,584 | 00:59:48,128 | Great. Glad to help you through the pain. Bye-bye. | Great. Glad to help you through the pain. Bye-bye. |
| 1359 | 00:59:48,152 | 00:59:49,263 | Bye. I'll call you later. | Bye. I'll call you later. |
| 1360 | 00:59:49,287 | 00:59:52,332 | Yeah, will you tell that other Eli to give me a call? | Yeah, will you tell that other Eli to give me a call? |
| 1361 | 00:59:52,356 | 00:59:53,801 | This one sucks. | This one sucks. |
| 1362 | 00:59:55,193 | 00:59:58,606 | If that's him, you're not going shopping. | If that's him, you're not going shopping. |
| 1363 | 01:00:00,599 | 01:00:02,577 | Okay, FYI, the only reason I'm here | Okay, FYI, the only reason I'm here |
| 1364 | 01:00:02,601 | 01:00:05,312 | is because your whole tires-got-slashed-story | is because your whole tires-got-slashed-story |
| 1365 | 01:00:05,336 | 01:00:06,914 | was so much more believable | was so much more believable |
| 1366 | 01:00:06,938 | 01:00:09,016 | than the first 13 messages you left me. | than the first 13 messages you left me. |
| 1367 | 01:00:09,040 | 01:00:10,184 | Personally, I thought I had you | Personally, I thought I had you |
| 1368 | 01:00:10,208 | 01:00:12,820 | with the tickets to X files on ice. | with the tickets to X files on ice. |
| 1369 | 01:00:12,844 | 01:00:15,279 | I already saw it. | I already saw it. |
| 1370 | 01:00:19,818 | 01:00:22,362 | I always wanted one when I was a kid. | I always wanted one when I was a kid. |
| 1371 | 01:00:22,386 | 01:00:23,330 | Surprising, huh? | Surprising, huh? |
| 1372 | 01:00:23,354 | 01:00:25,600 | Oh, my god, I had so many dolls. | Oh, my god, I had so many dolls. |
| 1373 | 01:00:25,624 | 01:00:27,301 | My dad would have killed me. | My dad would have killed me. |
| 1374 | 01:00:27,325 | 01:00:28,335 | Really? | Really? |
| 1375 | 01:00:28,359 | 01:00:29,103 | Yeah. | Yeah. |
| 1376 | 01:00:29,127 | 01:00:30,004 | My house was like a free-for-all. | My house was like a free-for-all. |
| 1377 | 01:00:30,028 | 01:00:32,272 | My sister had all these Barbies and kens, | My sister had all these Barbies and kens, |
| 1378 | 01:00:32,296 | 01:00:33,841 | and my parents made me play with them. | and my parents made me play with them. |
| 1379 | 01:00:33,865 | 01:00:35,643 | Your parents forced you to play with dolls? | Your parents forced you to play with dolls? |
| 1380 | 01:00:35,667 | 01:00:39,379 | Oh, it was just so I could learn the names of all the body parts. | Oh, it was just so I could learn the names of all the body parts. |
| 1381 | 01:00:39,403 | 01:00:41,916 | Pick whichever doll you like. | Pick whichever doll you like. |
| 1382 | 01:00:41,940 | 01:00:45,677 | It's your choice. They're all beautiful. | It's your choice. They're all beautiful. |
| 1383 | 01:00:46,711 | 01:00:49,648 | Good. Now switch. | Good. Now switch. |
| 1384 | 01:00:54,318 | 01:00:56,764 | What do you call this? | What do you call this? |
| 1385 | 01:00:56,788 | 01:00:57,932 | Vagina. | Vagina. |
| 1386 | 01:00:57,956 | 01:01:01,301 | Yes. Vagina. Good, Rayna. | Yes. Vagina. Good, Rayna. |
| 1387 | 01:01:01,325 | 01:01:04,705 | Eli... vagina. | Eli... vagina. |
| 1388 | 01:01:04,729 | 01:01:05,539 | Vagina. | Vagina. |
| 1389 | 01:01:05,563 | 01:01:10,010 | Now say it like you mean it: Va-gi-Na. | Now say it like you mean it: Va-gi-Na. |
| 1390 | 01:01:10,034 | 01:01:11,411 | Vagina. | Vagina. |
| 1391 | 01:01:11,435 | 01:01:14,081 | Yes. Yes. Yes. | Yes. Yes. Yes. |
| 1392 | 01:01:14,105 | 01:01:16,717 | I always thought Ken was gay. | I always thought Ken was gay. |
| 1393 | 01:01:16,741 | 01:01:19,153 | He was when I got through with him. | He was when I got through with him. |
| 1394 | 01:01:19,177 | 01:01:21,746 | That's another story. | That's another story. |
| 1395 | 01:01:22,080 | 01:01:24,324 | You know, you and Ken together... | You know, you and Ken together... |
| 1396 | 01:01:24,348 | 01:01:27,151 | It's strangely erotic. | It's strangely erotic. |
| 1397 | 01:01:29,420 | 01:01:32,332 | Well, we have been known to do private shows, | Well, we have been known to do private shows, |
| 1398 | 01:01:32,356 | 01:01:34,101 | if you're interested. | if you're interested. |
| 1399 | 01:01:34,125 | 01:01:36,370 | Not today. | Not today. |
| 1400 | 01:01:36,394 | 01:01:39,197 | Okay. | Okay. |
| 1401 | 01:01:41,065 | 01:01:42,209 | Hello, there, Eli. | Hello, there, Eli. |
| 1402 | 01:01:42,233 | 01:01:45,804 | I'm fuzzy wuzzy the bear. | I'm fuzzy wuzzy the bear. |
| 1403 | 01:01:50,909 | 01:01:53,845 | Jackie would love this bear. | Jackie would love this bear. |
| 1404 | 01:01:55,013 | 01:01:56,824 | ♪ Fuzzy wuzzy was a bear ♪ | ♪ Fuzzy wuzzy was a bear ♪ |
| 1405 | 01:01:56,848 | 01:01:58,392 | ♪ Fuzzy wuzzy had no hair ♪ | ♪ Fuzzy wuzzy had no hair ♪ |
| 1406 | 01:01:58,416 | 01:02:02,196 | ♪ Fuzzy wuzzy wasn't very fuzzy, was he? ♪ | ♪ Fuzzy wuzzy wasn't very fuzzy, was he? ♪ |
| 1407 | 01:02:02,220 | 01:02:03,330 | Was he? Was he? | Was he? Was he? |
| 1408 | 01:02:03,354 | 01:02:04,799 | Was he? Was he? Was he? | Was he? Was he? Was he? |
| 1409 | 01:02:04,823 | 01:02:05,966 | Was he? Was he! | Was he? Was he! |
| 1410 | 01:02:05,990 | 01:02:06,867 | Was he! Was he! | Was he! Was he! |
| 1411 | 01:02:06,891 | 01:02:09,970 | Was he. Was he. Was he. | Was he. Was he. Was he. |
| 1412 | 01:02:09,994 | 01:02:10,938 | That's what I said. | That's what I said. |
| 1413 | 01:02:10,962 | 01:02:13,240 | No, no. You said, was he? | No, no. You said, was he? |
| 1414 | 01:02:13,264 | 01:02:14,775 | It's was he. | It's was he. |
| 1415 | 01:02:14,799 | 01:02:16,010 | What's the difference? | What's the difference? |
| 1416 | 01:02:16,034 | 01:02:17,044 | You're kidding, right? | You're kidding, right? |
| 1417 | 01:02:17,068 | 01:02:20,347 | You just established that fuzzy wuzzy had no hair. | You just established that fuzzy wuzzy had no hair. |
| 1418 | 01:02:20,371 | 01:02:22,282 | Why would you then ask, was he? | Why would you then ask, was he? |
| 1419 | 01:02:22,306 | 01:02:24,318 | Like a question, like you didn't know | Like a question, like you didn't know |
| 1420 | 01:02:24,342 | 01:02:25,485 | if he was fuzzy or not. | if he was fuzzy or not. |
| 1421 | 01:02:25,509 | 01:02:28,422 | It is a question. I'm asking if fuzzy is or isn't fuzzy. | It is a question. I'm asking if fuzzy is or isn't fuzzy. |
| 1422 | 01:02:28,446 | 01:02:29,924 | What is so wrong about that? | What is so wrong about that? |
| 1423 | 01:02:29,948 | 01:02:31,325 | It is a rhetorical question. | It is a rhetorical question. |
| 1424 | 01:02:31,349 | 01:02:32,793 | There's no answer to it. | There's no answer to it. |
| 1425 | 01:02:32,817 | 01:02:33,928 | It's supposed to be ironic. | It's supposed to be ironic. |
| 1426 | 01:02:33,952 | 01:02:37,121 | "Fuzzy wuzzy wasn't very fuzzy, was he." | "Fuzzy wuzzy wasn't very fuzzy, was he." |
| 1427 | 01:02:50,268 | 01:02:53,814 | I don't think it's that obvious if fuzzy wuzzy was or wasn't fuzzy. | I don't think it's that obvious if fuzzy wuzzy was or wasn't fuzzy. |
| 1428 | 01:02:53,838 | 01:02:56,450 | It is the point of the whole goddamn thing. | It is the point of the whole goddamn thing. |
| 1429 | 01:02:56,474 | 01:02:57,952 | Man, why are you so uptight? | Man, why are you so uptight? |
| 1430 | 01:02:57,976 | 01:03:00,921 | No... there always has to be a right way with you | No... there always has to be a right way with you |
| 1431 | 01:03:00,945 | 01:03:02,256 | and a wrong way with you. | and a wrong way with you. |
| 1432 | 01:03:02,280 | 01:03:04,859 | I mean, is that why you like being with me... | I mean, is that why you like being with me... |
| 1433 | 01:03:04,883 | 01:03:08,062 | So you can feel like you're right all the time. | So you can feel like you're right all the time. |
| 1434 | 01:03:08,086 | 01:03:10,030 | What? No. | What? No. |
| 1435 | 01:03:10,054 | 01:03:11,932 | That's... is that what you think? | That's... is that what you think? |
| 1436 | 01:03:11,956 | 01:03:15,169 | Alls I know is you have this rigid idea | Alls I know is you have this rigid idea |
| 1437 | 01:03:15,193 | 01:03:17,471 | of how I should be. | of how I should be. |
| 1438 | 01:03:17,495 | 01:03:20,040 | "Alls you know"? | "Alls you know"? |
| 1439 | 01:03:20,064 | 01:03:22,133 | Right. Right. I can't. | Right. Right. I can't. |
| 1440 | 01:03:25,436 | 01:03:26,847 | Fuck! | Fuck! |
| 1441 | 01:03:26,871 | 01:03:29,817 | Oh, boy, it's mine, mine, mine! | Oh, boy, it's mine, mine, mine! |
| 1442 | 01:03:31,042 | 01:03:32,186 | I love this. | I love this. |
| 1443 | 01:03:32,210 | 01:03:34,855 | Well, enjoy it now, honey, because in a month or so, | Well, enjoy it now, honey, because in a month or so, |
| 1444 | 01:03:34,879 | 01:03:37,257 | you're going to be ripping the seams. | you're going to be ripping the seams. |
| 1445 | 01:03:38,817 | 01:03:39,894 | I'm going to kill you. | I'm going to kill you. |
| 1446 | 01:03:39,918 | 01:03:42,462 | Rachel, could you shut the fuck up? | Rachel, could you shut the fuck up? |
| 1447 | 01:03:42,486 | 01:03:45,032 | You're cackling like an idiot. | You're cackling like an idiot. |
| 1448 | 01:03:45,056 | 01:03:46,166 | Come on, Liz, grab some bows | Come on, Liz, grab some bows |
| 1449 | 01:03:46,190 | 01:03:48,202 | and help us with the rehearsal bouquet. | and help us with the rehearsal bouquet. |
| 1450 | 01:03:48,226 | 01:03:49,937 | Why do you want me to do it? | Why do you want me to do it? |
| 1451 | 01:03:49,961 | 01:03:51,171 | Because you think it's the only time | Because you think it's the only time |
| 1452 | 01:03:51,195 | 01:03:52,907 | I'm ever going to get to hold one? | I'm ever going to get to hold one? |
| 1453 | 01:03:52,931 | 01:03:54,942 | Okay, Liz, what time is therapy, hon? | Okay, Liz, what time is therapy, hon? |
| 1454 | 01:03:54,966 | 01:03:56,076 | Do they make house calls? | Do they make house calls? |
| 1455 | 01:03:56,100 | 01:03:57,912 | That's really sweet. Very supportive. | That's really sweet. Very supportive. |
| 1456 | 01:03:57,936 | 01:03:58,946 | I'm taking my gift back. | I'm taking my gift back. |
| 1457 | 01:03:58,970 | 01:04:00,014 | I'll make it. I'll make it. | I'll make it. I'll make it. |
| 1458 | 01:04:00,038 | 01:04:01,882 | Thank you. Nice person. | Thank you. Nice person. |
| 1459 | 01:04:02,874 | 01:04:05,219 | Wait! The door. Get the door. Get the door. | Wait! The door. Get the door. Get the door. |
| 1460 | 01:04:05,243 | 01:04:08,412 | Oh. Uh-oh. | Oh. Uh-oh. |
| 1461 | 01:04:09,447 | 01:04:10,690 | Is Jackie here? | Is Jackie here? |
| 1462 | 01:04:10,714 | 01:04:14,594 | Hey, Jackie, did you forget to pay some parking tickets? | Hey, Jackie, did you forget to pay some parking tickets? |
| 1463 | 01:04:14,618 | 01:04:15,362 | Hello. | Hello. |
| 1464 | 01:04:15,386 | 01:04:17,364 | Are you Jackie gold? | Are you Jackie gold? |
| 1465 | 01:04:17,388 | 01:04:18,498 | I'll be Jackie gold. | I'll be Jackie gold. |
| 1466 | 01:04:18,522 | 01:04:20,500 | I'm going to kill you guys. | I'm going to kill you guys. |
| 1467 | 01:04:20,524 | 01:04:22,202 | I can't believe you did this. | I can't believe you did this. |
| 1468 | 01:04:22,226 | 01:04:23,437 | Jackie, you have been | Jackie, you have been |
| 1469 | 01:04:23,461 | 01:04:26,073 | a bad, bad, bad girl, haven't you? | a bad, bad, bad girl, haven't you? |
| 1470 | 01:04:26,097 | 01:04:29,834 | Oh, baby! Oh, yeah! | Oh, baby! Oh, yeah! |
| 1471 | 01:04:30,969 | 01:04:33,872 | Put that thing away. | Put that thing away. |
| 1472 | 01:04:38,109 | 01:04:42,046 | Go ahead... Great angle. | Go ahead... Great angle. |
| 1473 | 01:04:43,982 | 01:04:46,260 | Oh, my god. | Oh, my god. |
| 1474 | 01:04:46,284 | 01:04:50,197 | You work that Booty. | You work that Booty. |
| 1475 | 01:04:50,221 | 01:04:53,000 | Uh, I love him. | Uh, I love him. |
| 1476 | 01:04:53,024 | 01:04:54,234 | Uh-huh! | Uh-huh! |
| 1477 | 01:04:54,258 | 01:04:56,494 | This is it! This is it! | This is it! This is it! |
| 1478 | 01:04:57,228 | 01:04:59,106 | Okay, that is going to be amazing! | Okay, that is going to be amazing! |
| 1479 | 01:04:59,130 | 01:05:00,540 | Enough with the pictures. | Enough with the pictures. |
| 1480 | 01:05:00,564 | 01:05:02,076 | That was great. It was great. | That was great. It was great. |
| 1481 | 01:05:02,100 | 01:05:03,577 | I hate it with the pictures. | I hate it with the pictures. |
| 1482 | 01:05:03,601 | 01:05:05,379 | Ah, ring, ring, ring, ring. | Ah, ring, ring, ring, ring. |
| 1483 | 01:05:05,403 | 01:05:05,946 | Okay... | Okay... |
| 1484 | 01:05:05,970 | 01:05:06,813 | Forget about the ring. | Forget about the ring. |
| 1485 | 01:05:06,837 | 01:05:09,216 | Can we talk about our friend the cop? | Can we talk about our friend the cop? |
| 1486 | 01:05:09,240 | 01:05:11,118 | You mean your future ex-husband? | You mean your future ex-husband? |
| 1487 | 01:05:11,142 | 01:05:14,121 | So how long you been doing this? | So how long you been doing this? |
| 1488 | 01:05:14,145 | 01:05:16,180 | Too long... | Too long... |
| 1489 | 01:05:17,215 | 01:05:19,159 | Let's go, ladies. | Let's go, ladies. |
| 1490 | 01:05:19,183 | 01:05:20,961 | Let me ask you this. | Let me ask you this. |
| 1491 | 01:05:20,985 | 01:05:23,263 | How many of these gifts can I take home with me? | How many of these gifts can I take home with me? |
| 1492 | 01:05:23,287 | 01:05:24,431 | You're crazy. | You're crazy. |
| 1493 | 01:05:24,455 | 01:05:26,666 | I wrap beautifully, though. | I wrap beautifully, though. |
| 1494 | 01:05:26,690 | 01:05:28,402 | Don't you think we should share? | Don't you think we should share? |
| 1495 | 01:05:28,426 | 01:05:32,039 | You don't even like mine. Can I take it back? | You don't even like mine. Can I take it back? |
| 1496 | 01:05:32,063 | 01:05:34,641 | Excuse me... one second. | Excuse me... one second. |
| 1497 | 01:05:34,665 | 01:05:36,376 | So, um, you know, | So, um, you know, |
| 1498 | 01:05:36,400 | 01:05:39,013 | I've been kind of bad myself. | I've been kind of bad myself. |
| 1499 | 01:05:39,037 | 01:05:39,980 | You have? | You have? |
| 1500 | 01:05:56,620 | 01:06:03,361 | ♪ Please forgive me if I act a little strange ♪ | ♪ Please forgive me if I act a little strange ♪ |
| 1501 | 01:06:03,995 | 01:06:09,009 | ♪ For I know not what I do | ♪ For I know not what I do |
| 1502 | 01:06:10,301 | 01:06:12,246 | ♪ Feels like lightning | ♪ Feels like lightning |
| 1503 | 01:06:12,270 | 01:06:17,075 | ♪ running through my veins | ♪ running through my veins |
| 1504 | 01:06:17,708 | 01:06:23,114 | ♪ every time I look at you | ♪ every time I look at you |
| 1505 | 01:06:25,649 | 01:06:27,161 | hey. | hey. |
| 1506 | 01:06:27,185 | 01:06:28,963 | Hey. | Hey. |
| 1507 | 01:06:28,987 | 01:06:31,131 | How much do I owe you? | How much do I owe you? |
| 1508 | 01:06:31,155 | 01:06:31,898 | Uh, $9.22. | Uh, $9.22. |
| 1509 | 01:06:31,922 | 01:06:34,601 | All right, why don't you keep that. | All right, why don't you keep that. |
| 1510 | 01:06:34,625 | 01:06:35,469 | Cool. | Cool. |
| 1511 | 01:06:35,493 | 01:06:36,403 | Thanks a lot. | Thanks a lot. |
| 1512 | 01:06:36,427 | 01:06:37,737 | Have a good night. | Have a good night. |
| 1513 | 01:06:37,761 | 01:06:38,572 | You, too. Thanks. | You, too. Thanks. |
| 1514 | 01:06:38,596 | 01:06:43,701 | ♪ And there's so much I want to say ♪ | ♪ And there's so much I want to say ♪ |
| 1515 | 01:06:45,169 | 01:06:51,275 | ♪ Want to tell you just how good it feels ♪ | ♪ Want to tell you just how good it feels ♪ |
| 1516 | 01:06:52,543 | 01:06:55,155 | ♪ When you look at me... | ♪ When you look at me... |
| 1517 | 01:06:55,179 | 01:06:56,156 | Hey. | Hey. |
| 1518 | 01:06:56,180 | 01:06:57,615 | Hey. | Hey. |
| 1519 | 01:07:00,718 | 01:07:03,230 | Where did you find this? | Where did you find this? |
| 1520 | 01:07:03,254 | 01:07:06,257 | Internet. | Internet. |
| 1521 | 01:07:08,592 | 01:07:11,262 | Thank you. | Thank you. |
| 1522 | 01:07:12,130 | 01:07:13,240 | I took it out of the box | I took it out of the box |
| 1523 | 01:07:13,264 | 01:07:14,441 | so you could play with it. | so you could play with it. |
| 1524 | 01:07:14,465 | 01:07:17,111 | It came in a box? The original box? | It came in a box? The original box? |
| 1525 | 01:07:17,135 | 01:07:18,245 | Mm-hmm. | Mm-hmm. |
| 1526 | 01:07:18,269 | 01:07:20,114 | Where is it? | Where is it? |
| 1527 | 01:07:20,138 | 01:07:22,340 | I tossed it. Why? | I tossed it. Why? |
| 1528 | 01:07:23,407 | 01:07:25,009 | Why? | Why? |
| 1529 | 01:07:26,310 | 01:07:28,246 | Never mind. | Never mind. |
| 1530 | 01:07:36,154 | 01:07:38,698 | And then it happened. | And then it happened. |
| 1531 | 01:07:38,722 | 01:07:40,624 | What? | What? |
| 1532 | 01:07:41,159 | 01:07:43,603 | We went where no 2 men should ever go | We went where no 2 men should ever go |
| 1533 | 01:07:43,627 | 01:07:44,738 | without a prescription. | without a prescription. |
| 1534 | 01:07:44,762 | 01:07:47,507 | Trust me. You don't want the details. | Trust me. You don't want the details. |
| 1535 | 01:07:47,531 | 01:07:49,043 | Are you nuts? | Are you nuts? |
| 1536 | 01:07:49,067 | 01:07:52,046 | At my age, the details are all I got. | At my age, the details are all I got. |
| 1537 | 01:07:54,272 | 01:07:55,715 | Take off your... | Take off your... |
| 1538 | 01:07:55,739 | 01:07:57,584 | Ouch! | Ouch! |
| 1539 | 01:07:57,608 | 01:07:58,818 | It's the remote. | It's the remote. |
| 1540 | 01:07:58,842 | 01:08:01,755 | ♪ Whoa-oh-oh-a | ♪ Whoa-oh-oh-a |
| 1541 | 01:08:01,779 | 01:08:03,057 | Let's not... | Let's not... |
| 1542 | 01:08:03,081 | 01:08:03,690 | What? | What? |
| 1543 | 01:08:03,714 | 01:08:05,559 | That's the back of my leg. | That's the back of my leg. |
| 1544 | 01:08:05,583 | 01:08:06,726 | Oh, sorry. | Oh, sorry. |
| 1545 | 01:08:06,750 | 01:08:08,495 | Kidding. Kidding. | Kidding. Kidding. |
| 1546 | 01:08:08,519 | 01:08:10,464 | That's funny. That's funny. | That's funny. That's funny. |
| 1547 | 01:08:12,656 | 01:08:14,101 | Wait. | Wait. |
| 1548 | 01:08:14,125 | 01:08:16,736 | Don't you want to... | Don't you want to... |
| 1549 | 01:08:16,760 | 01:08:18,605 | You have a thingie? | You have a thingie? |
| 1550 | 01:08:18,629 | 01:08:20,107 | Shut up. Shut up. | Shut up. Shut up. |
| 1551 | 01:08:20,131 | 01:08:21,075 | Thingie? | Thingie? |
| 1552 | 01:08:21,099 | 01:08:21,808 | You know what I mean. | You know what I mean. |
| 1553 | 01:08:21,832 | 01:08:23,743 | Do you know what I mean? | Do you know what I mean? |
| 1554 | 01:08:23,767 | 01:08:25,736 | Yeah. Yeah. | Yeah. Yeah. |
| 1555 | 01:08:26,370 | 01:08:31,041 | ♪ For I know not what I do | ♪ For I know not what I do |
| 1556 | 01:08:33,511 | 01:08:34,454 | Tom? | Tom? |
| 1557 | 01:08:34,478 | 01:08:35,355 | Yeah? | Yeah? |
| 1558 | 01:08:35,379 | 01:08:37,257 | Look at me. | Look at me. |
| 1559 | 01:08:37,281 | 01:08:38,858 | I... love you. | I... love you. |
| 1560 | 01:08:38,882 | 01:08:39,826 | Oh, my god. | Oh, my god. |
| 1561 | 01:08:39,850 | 01:08:42,462 | I love you. | I love you. |
| 1562 | 01:08:42,486 | 01:08:46,090 | Oh, my god. | Oh, my god. |
| 1563 | 01:08:47,491 | 01:08:52,062 | ♪ Every time I look at you | ♪ Every time I look at you |
| 1564 | 01:09:09,413 | 01:09:11,258 | I'm hungry. | I'm hungry. |
| 1565 | 01:09:11,282 | 01:09:13,527 | Yeah? You like eggs? | Yeah? You like eggs? |
| 1566 | 01:09:13,551 | 01:09:16,487 | Why don't I make us some eggs? | Why don't I make us some eggs? |
| 1567 | 01:09:17,588 | 01:09:19,599 | Well, I'm supposed to meet my parents | Well, I'm supposed to meet my parents |
| 1568 | 01:09:19,623 | 01:09:21,768 | at the country club for brunch. | at the country club for brunch. |
| 1569 | 01:09:21,792 | 01:09:23,794 | Do you want to come? | Do you want to come? |
| 1570 | 01:09:33,571 | 01:09:34,481 | Hey. | Hey. |
| 1571 | 01:09:34,505 | 01:09:36,283 | Hi, mom. | Hi, mom. |
| 1572 | 01:09:36,307 | 01:09:38,152 | Hi, sweetheart. | Hi, sweetheart. |
| 1573 | 01:09:38,176 | 01:09:39,853 | Hey, dad. | Hey, dad. |
| 1574 | 01:09:39,877 | 01:09:40,854 | Tom. | Tom. |
| 1575 | 01:09:40,878 | 01:09:42,622 | Um, this is Eli. | Um, this is Eli. |
| 1576 | 01:09:42,646 | 01:09:44,491 | Hi. It's nice to meet you. | Hi. It's nice to meet you. |
| 1577 | 01:09:44,515 | 01:09:45,625 | Hello, Eli. | Hello, Eli. |
| 1578 | 01:09:45,649 | 01:09:46,393 | Hi. | Hi. |
| 1579 | 01:09:46,417 | 01:09:47,527 | Nice to meet you. | Nice to meet you. |
| 1580 | 01:09:47,551 | 01:09:49,596 | Well, why don't we all sit down? | Well, why don't we all sit down? |
| 1581 | 01:09:49,620 | 01:09:52,656 | Lydia and I can share a menu. | Lydia and I can share a menu. |
| 1582 | 01:09:53,524 | 01:09:54,768 | I'll get another set up. | I'll get another set up. |
| 1583 | 01:09:54,792 | 01:09:57,704 | Do you guys want coffee or juice or anything? | Do you guys want coffee or juice or anything? |
| 1584 | 01:09:57,728 | 01:09:58,738 | Yeah. Coffee with milk. | Yeah. Coffee with milk. |
| 1585 | 01:09:58,762 | 01:10:01,841 | Can I get a mimosa and a coffee..And a water? | Can I get a mimosa and a coffee..And a water? |
| 1586 | 01:10:01,865 | 01:10:03,677 | You'll fill up on liquids, honey. | You'll fill up on liquids, honey. |
| 1587 | 01:10:03,701 | 01:10:04,878 | Save room for your meal. | Save room for your meal. |
| 1588 | 01:10:04,902 | 01:10:06,313 | Leave him alone, Lydia. | Leave him alone, Lydia. |
| 1589 | 01:10:06,337 | 01:10:07,247 | I wasn't criticizing him... | I wasn't criticizing him... |
| 1590 | 01:10:07,271 | 01:10:10,741 | He's obviously old enough to please himself. | He's obviously old enough to please himself. |
| 1591 | 01:10:11,775 | 01:10:12,886 | Yeah. So, uh... | Yeah. So, uh... |
| 1592 | 01:10:12,910 | 01:10:14,954 | What have you guys been up to? | What have you guys been up to? |
| 1593 | 01:10:14,978 | 01:10:16,523 | Well, not much really. | Well, not much really. |
| 1594 | 01:10:16,547 | 01:10:19,193 | We got back from Keenan on Friday. | We got back from Keenan on Friday. |
| 1595 | 01:10:19,217 | 01:10:20,160 | And, oh... | And, oh... |
| 1596 | 01:10:20,184 | 01:10:22,729 | And then I took the girls from my church group | And then I took the girls from my church group |
| 1597 | 01:10:22,753 | 01:10:24,931 | to see the phantom of the opera. | to see the phantom of the opera. |
| 1598 | 01:10:24,955 | 01:10:26,333 | Oh, is that still running? | Oh, is that still running? |
| 1599 | 01:10:26,357 | 01:10:27,967 | It was Friday night. | It was Friday night. |
| 1600 | 01:10:27,991 | 01:10:30,704 | Right. Right. I didn't know. | Right. Right. I didn't know. |
| 1601 | 01:10:30,728 | 01:10:32,806 | 75 bucks a shot... it's absurd. | 75 bucks a shot... it's absurd. |
| 1602 | 01:10:32,830 | 01:10:34,874 | It's like throwing money in the trash. | It's like throwing money in the trash. |
| 1603 | 01:10:34,898 | 01:10:36,610 | It's theater, Jim. | It's theater, Jim. |
| 1604 | 01:10:36,634 | 01:10:37,644 | It's trash, Lydia. | It's trash, Lydia. |
| 1605 | 01:10:37,668 | 01:10:41,572 | All right. All right. But how was it up in Keenan? | All right. All right. But how was it up in Keenan? |
| 1606 | 01:10:44,242 | 01:10:45,285 | What? What's wrong? | What? What's wrong? |
| 1607 | 01:10:45,309 | 01:10:47,221 | Now's not the time, honey. | Now's not the time, honey. |
| 1608 | 01:10:47,245 | 01:10:51,749 | So there's a right time to ask about Amy? | So there's a right time to ask about Amy? |
| 1609 | 01:10:53,251 | 01:10:54,861 | Stupid. Excuse me. | Stupid. Excuse me. |
| 1610 | 01:10:54,885 | 01:10:56,062 | You heard me, Lydia. | You heard me, Lydia. |
| 1611 | 01:10:56,086 | 01:10:58,965 | You talk to me like that, you'll see what you get from me. | You talk to me like that, you'll see what you get from me. |
| 1612 | 01:10:58,989 | 01:11:00,467 | Is that a threat, Lydia? | Is that a threat, Lydia? |
| 1613 | 01:11:00,491 | 01:11:01,701 | Dad, could you not... | Dad, could you not... |
| 1614 | 01:11:01,725 | 01:11:02,936 | Shut up, Tom. | Shut up, Tom. |
| 1615 | 01:11:02,960 | 01:11:05,463 | Oh, that's rich. | Oh, that's rich. |
| 1616 | 01:11:09,032 | 01:11:10,377 | Let's go. | Let's go. |
| 1617 | 01:11:10,401 | 01:11:12,246 | Come on. Let's go. | Come on. Let's go. |
| 1618 | 01:11:12,270 | 01:11:14,914 | Let go of me. Don't do that. | Let go of me. Don't do that. |
| 1619 | 01:11:14,938 | 01:11:17,917 | Don't do that. Get your hands off me. | Don't do that. Get your hands off me. |
| 1620 | 01:11:17,941 | 01:11:18,952 | I told you... | I told you... |
| 1621 | 01:11:18,976 | 01:11:24,548 | You always do this. You always pull a scene. | You always do this. You always pull a scene. |
| 1622 | 01:11:32,923 | 01:11:34,625 | Let's go. | Let's go. |
| 1623 | 01:11:35,426 | 01:11:37,804 | Tom. Tom, the valet's that way. | Tom. Tom, the valet's that way. |
| 1624 | 01:11:37,828 | 01:11:41,932 | I'm not ready. If you want to go, I'll take a cab. | I'm not ready. If you want to go, I'll take a cab. |
| 1625 | 01:11:51,975 | 01:11:54,345 | It's a nice club. | It's a nice club. |
| 1626 | 01:11:54,912 | 01:11:56,390 | You think if I were half-Jewish, | You think if I were half-Jewish, |
| 1627 | 01:11:56,414 | 01:11:59,283 | they'd let me halfway in the pool? | they'd let me halfway in the pool? |
| 1628 | 01:12:04,488 | 01:12:06,757 | I'm really sorry. | I'm really sorry. |
| 1629 | 01:12:08,326 | 01:12:11,695 | You didn't do anything. | You didn't do anything. |
| 1630 | 01:12:14,332 | 01:12:16,300 | Who's Amy? | Who's Amy? |
| 1631 | 01:12:19,937 | 01:12:21,715 | She's my sister. | She's my sister. |
| 1632 | 01:12:21,739 | 01:12:24,975 | What? I didn't know you had a sister. | What? I didn't know you had a sister. |
| 1633 | 01:12:27,845 | 01:12:29,756 | Okay. I have a sister... Amy. | Okay. I have a sister... Amy. |
| 1634 | 01:12:29,780 | 01:12:33,427 | She lives up north at a special needs facility. | She lives up north at a special needs facility. |
| 1635 | 01:12:33,451 | 01:12:34,328 | Was she in an accident? | Was she in an accident? |
| 1636 | 01:12:34,352 | 01:12:37,497 | No. No. F.A.S... Do you know what that is? | No. No. F.A.S... Do you know what that is? |
| 1637 | 01:12:37,521 | 01:12:39,633 | Fetal alcohol syndrome. Any other questions? | Fetal alcohol syndrome. Any other questions? |
| 1638 | 01:12:39,657 | 01:12:42,035 | Hey, pal, I'm on your side, remember? | Hey, pal, I'm on your side, remember? |
| 1639 | 01:12:42,059 | 01:12:44,771 | I don't want anyone on my side, remember? | I don't want anyone on my side, remember? |
| 1640 | 01:12:44,795 | 01:12:47,841 | You think just because we fucked, | You think just because we fucked, |
| 1641 | 01:12:47,865 | 01:12:48,775 | that makes us "we"? | that makes us "we"? |
| 1642 | 01:12:48,799 | 01:12:51,945 | I didn't ask for this, for you, so just stop. | I didn't ask for this, for you, so just stop. |
| 1643 | 01:12:51,969 | 01:12:54,548 | You called me, remember, so make up your fucking mind! | You called me, remember, so make up your fucking mind! |
| 1644 | 01:12:54,572 | 01:12:58,752 | How many ways do you need to be told to leave me the fuck alone? | How many ways do you need to be told to leave me the fuck alone? |
| 1645 | 01:12:58,776 | 01:13:00,854 | You know what, asshole? | You know what, asshole? |
| 1646 | 01:13:00,878 | 01:13:02,813 | Just one. | Just one. |
| 1647 | 01:13:15,626 | 01:13:17,537 | Alls I know... | Alls I know... |
| 1648 | 01:13:17,561 | 01:13:18,605 | All I know | All I know |
| 1649 | 01:13:18,629 | 01:13:21,675 | is if I wasn't loaded half the time, | is if I wasn't loaded half the time, |
| 1650 | 01:13:21,699 | 01:13:23,877 | I probably wouldn't be in this mess. | I probably wouldn't be in this mess. |
| 1651 | 01:13:23,901 | 01:13:25,712 | Don't you feel like the older you get, | Don't you feel like the older you get, |
| 1652 | 01:13:25,736 | 01:13:27,747 | the less you really know about anything? | the less you really know about anything? |
| 1653 | 01:13:27,771 | 01:13:29,816 | Absolutely. I don't know shit. | Absolutely. I don't know shit. |
| 1654 | 01:13:29,840 | 01:13:33,086 | People think just because I managed to make it to 60 | People think just because I managed to make it to 60 |
| 1655 | 01:13:33,110 | 01:13:35,088 | without getting a Colombian necklace | without getting a Colombian necklace |
| 1656 | 01:13:35,112 | 01:13:37,056 | or run over by a u.P.S. Truck | or run over by a u.P.S. Truck |
| 1657 | 01:13:37,080 | 01:13:40,727 | that I have the answers to life's questions. | that I have the answers to life's questions. |
| 1658 | 01:13:40,751 | 01:13:43,463 | Great. Great. So there's no hope. | Great. Great. So there's no hope. |
| 1659 | 01:13:43,487 | 01:13:44,931 | Ah, don't do that. | Ah, don't do that. |
| 1660 | 01:13:44,955 | 01:13:46,666 | See, I'm not that deepshak Oprah | See, I'm not that deepshak Oprah |
| 1661 | 01:13:46,690 | 01:13:48,668 | or whatever the hell he calls himself... | or whatever the hell he calls himself... |
| 1662 | 01:13:48,692 | 01:13:50,870 | Who tells you, you believe in yourself, | Who tells you, you believe in yourself, |
| 1663 | 01:13:50,894 | 01:13:52,806 | you can do anything. Pish. | you can do anything. Pish. |
| 1664 | 01:13:52,830 | 01:13:53,640 | Alls I know is | Alls I know is |
| 1665 | 01:13:53,664 | 01:13:56,109 | you keep your 2 eyes on your own paper | you keep your 2 eyes on your own paper |
| 1666 | 01:13:56,133 | 01:13:58,177 | and both hands on the wheel. | and both hands on the wheel. |
| 1667 | 01:13:58,201 | 01:14:01,939 | And a multivitamin can't hurt. | And a multivitamin can't hurt. |
| 1668 | 01:14:02,506 | 01:14:04,484 | So I guess the lesson is the same with booze | So I guess the lesson is the same with booze |
| 1669 | 01:14:04,508 | 01:14:07,153 | As it is with guys: Wanting it and having it... | As it is with guys: Wanting it and having it... |
| 1670 | 01:14:07,177 | 01:14:09,880 | Totally not the same thing. | Totally not the same thing. |
| 1671 | 01:14:10,448 | 01:14:13,116 | I'll be right back... bathroom. | I'll be right back... bathroom. |
| 1672 | 01:14:24,094 | 01:14:25,071 | Hey. | Hey. |
| 1673 | 01:14:25,095 | 01:14:28,207 | Sometimes I think you can want it | Sometimes I think you can want it |
| 1674 | 01:14:28,231 | 01:14:30,534 | and have it. | and have it. |
| 1675 | 01:14:31,469 | 01:14:34,848 | Isn't that what happens now? | Isn't that what happens now? |
| 1676 | 01:14:34,872 | 01:14:36,550 | Now? | Now? |
| 1677 | 01:14:36,574 | 01:14:37,784 | Oh, what do you mean... | Oh, what do you mean... |
| 1678 | 01:14:37,808 | 01:14:39,653 | About Eli being at the wedding? | About Eli being at the wedding? |
| 1679 | 01:14:39,677 | 01:14:42,112 | No, that's not what I meant. | No, that's not what I meant. |
| 1680 | 01:14:43,681 | 01:14:45,224 | Oh, wait, wait... | Oh, wait, wait... |
| 1681 | 01:14:45,248 | 01:14:46,926 | No, no, you wait a minute. | No, no, you wait a minute. |
| 1682 | 01:14:46,950 | 01:14:48,194 | You made me wait too long. | You made me wait too long. |
| 1683 | 01:14:48,218 | 01:14:50,063 | You think too much, buddy. | You think too much, buddy. |
| 1684 | 01:14:50,087 | 01:14:51,698 | Told you... negative. | Told you... negative. |
| 1685 | 01:14:51,722 | 01:14:53,132 | Great. | Great. |
| 1686 | 01:14:53,156 | 01:14:56,503 | So I guess that's it. | So I guess that's it. |
| 1687 | 01:14:56,527 | 01:14:57,471 | It's nice meeting you. | It's nice meeting you. |
| 1688 | 01:14:57,495 | 01:14:59,739 | Oh, you're going to be seeing a lot more of me. | Oh, you're going to be seeing a lot more of me. |
| 1689 | 01:14:59,763 | 01:15:02,476 | You'll see. You know, now that I'm off relationships | You'll see. You know, now that I'm off relationships |
| 1690 | 01:15:02,500 | 01:15:04,478 | and just doing one-night stands. | and just doing one-night stands. |
| 1691 | 01:15:04,502 | 01:15:05,912 | Yeah. Sure. | Yeah. Sure. |
| 1692 | 01:15:05,936 | 01:15:07,246 | Take a condom. | Take a condom. |
| 1693 | 01:15:07,270 | 01:15:09,215 | Used to put candy in this. | Used to put candy in this. |
| 1694 | 01:15:09,239 | 01:15:12,218 | Anyway, I'm sorry I talked your ear off. | Anyway, I'm sorry I talked your ear off. |
| 1695 | 01:15:12,242 | 01:15:17,123 | Please. It's better than a fucking movie, sweetheart. | Please. It's better than a fucking movie, sweetheart. |
| 1696 | 01:15:17,147 | 01:15:19,993 | Oh, don't you need a parking validation? | Oh, don't you need a parking validation? |
| 1697 | 01:15:20,017 | 01:15:22,128 | Oh, god, right. Thank you. | Oh, god, right. Thank you. |
| 1698 | 01:15:22,152 | 01:15:23,162 | Thanks. | Thanks. |
| 1699 | 01:15:24,254 | 01:15:25,732 | Oh, wait a second, hon. | Oh, wait a second, hon. |
| 1700 | 01:15:25,756 | 01:15:28,134 | Feedback clinic, this is Esther. | Feedback clinic, this is Esther. |
| 1701 | 01:15:28,158 | 01:15:30,570 | Oh, hi, honey. | Oh, hi, honey. |
| 1702 | 01:15:30,594 | 01:15:32,906 | How you doing? | How you doing? |
| 1703 | 01:15:32,930 | 01:15:33,573 | What? | What? |
| 1704 | 01:15:33,597 | 01:15:35,942 | No, what? Go ahead, ask me. | No, what? Go ahead, ask me. |
| 1705 | 01:15:35,966 | 01:15:40,279 | Well, I'm not a mind reader. | Well, I'm not a mind reader. |
| 1706 | 01:15:40,303 | 01:15:42,015 | You ever seen me on the fucking | You ever seen me on the fucking |
| 1707 | 01:15:42,039 | 01:15:43,983 | psychic friends network channel? | psychic friends network channel? |
| 1708 | 01:15:44,007 | 01:15:45,819 | So what... all right... | So what... all right... |
| 1709 | 01:15:45,843 | 01:15:48,788 | Would you just shut up for a minute? | Would you just shut up for a minute? |
| 1710 | 01:15:48,812 | 01:15:51,815 | Okay, so don't tell me. | Okay, so don't tell me. |
| 1711 | 01:15:52,850 | 01:15:55,762 | Trust me, Esther, one-night stands. | Trust me, Esther, one-night stands. |
| 1712 | 01:15:55,786 | 01:15:59,198 | It's all black-and-white for you, isn't it? | It's all black-and-white for you, isn't it? |
| 1713 | 01:15:59,222 | 01:16:00,166 | What? | What? |
| 1714 | 01:16:00,190 | 01:16:02,769 | I have been married to that putz | I have been married to that putz |
| 1715 | 01:16:02,793 | 01:16:04,203 | for 42 years. | for 42 years. |
| 1716 | 01:16:04,227 | 01:16:07,173 | The strongest, healthiest man | The strongest, healthiest man |
| 1717 | 01:16:07,197 | 01:16:08,174 | all his life. | all his life. |
| 1718 | 01:16:08,198 | 01:16:11,678 | And all of a sudden he gets sick... | And all of a sudden he gets sick... |
| 1719 | 01:16:11,702 | 01:16:13,980 | Lung cancer. | Lung cancer. |
| 1720 | 01:16:14,004 | 01:16:18,084 | He never smoked a day in his life. | He never smoked a day in his life. |
| 1721 | 01:16:18,108 | 01:16:20,854 | Pretty fucking ironic, isn't it? | Pretty fucking ironic, isn't it? |
| 1722 | 01:16:20,878 | 01:16:23,256 | He's even got someone taking care of him | He's even got someone taking care of him |
| 1723 | 01:16:23,280 | 01:16:27,117 | in the afternoon... Just like a little boy. | in the afternoon... Just like a little boy. |
| 1724 | 01:16:28,051 | 01:16:29,729 | But he's dying. | But he's dying. |
| 1725 | 01:16:29,753 | 01:16:32,198 | And if I stop Hawking him | And if I stop Hawking him |
| 1726 | 01:16:32,222 | 01:16:34,000 | and giving him shit, | and giving him shit, |
| 1727 | 01:16:34,024 | 01:16:35,902 | and calling him an asshole, | and calling him an asshole, |
| 1728 | 01:16:35,926 | 01:16:38,071 | he'll know he's dying. | he'll know he's dying. |
| 1729 | 01:16:38,095 | 01:16:40,263 | So I don't stop. | So I don't stop. |
| 1730 | 01:16:41,098 | 01:16:42,742 | Plus, he is an asshole, | Plus, he is an asshole, |
| 1731 | 01:16:42,766 | 01:16:45,268 | so that's a bonus. | so that's a bonus. |
| 1732 | 01:16:47,170 | 01:16:49,649 | So I've got my grandmother's ring. | So I've got my grandmother's ring. |
| 1733 | 01:16:49,673 | 01:16:50,984 | That's old and borrowed. | That's old and borrowed. |
| 1734 | 01:16:51,008 | 01:16:53,052 | And Rachel got me that blue thong. | And Rachel got me that blue thong. |
| 1735 | 01:16:53,076 | 01:16:53,953 | Ooh, hoochie floss. | Ooh, hoochie floss. |
| 1736 | 01:16:53,977 | 01:16:56,355 | You got something else that's new and blue? | You got something else that's new and blue? |
| 1737 | 01:16:56,379 | 01:16:58,291 | Oh, actually, yeah, I do. | Oh, actually, yeah, I do. |
| 1738 | 01:16:58,315 | 01:17:02,596 | Holy shit, Tom! What happened? | Holy shit, Tom! What happened? |
| 1739 | 01:17:02,620 | 01:17:04,297 | Bad date. | Bad date. |
| 1740 | 01:17:04,321 | 01:17:05,364 | What did you do, | What did you do, |
| 1741 | 01:17:05,388 | 01:17:07,734 | pick him up on the street? | pick him up on the street? |
| 1742 | 01:17:07,758 | 01:17:08,702 | Worse. AA. | Worse. AA. |
| 1743 | 01:17:08,726 | 01:17:11,204 | Apparently, he uses sex to work through anger, | Apparently, he uses sex to work through anger, |
| 1744 | 01:17:11,228 | 01:17:14,974 | which is fine when you're not quite that angry. | which is fine when you're not quite that angry. |
| 1745 | 01:17:14,998 | 01:17:17,777 | What am I going to do with you? | What am I going to do with you? |
| 1746 | 01:17:17,801 | 01:17:20,346 | I smell a lecture. | I smell a lecture. |
| 1747 | 01:17:20,370 | 01:17:21,314 | Fuck you, Tom. | Fuck you, Tom. |
| 1748 | 01:17:21,338 | 01:17:24,050 | Okay, you blow off a great guy... | Okay, you blow off a great guy... |
| 1749 | 01:17:24,074 | 01:17:25,184 | Who by the way doesn't hit... | Who by the way doesn't hit... |
| 1750 | 01:17:25,208 | 01:17:27,854 | Because he made the tragic mistake of falling for you. | Because he made the tragic mistake of falling for you. |
| 1751 | 01:17:27,878 | 01:17:30,757 | And instead you're doing like and Tina Turner | And instead you're doing like and Tina Turner |
| 1752 | 01:17:30,781 | 01:17:31,858 | with some asshole from AA. | with some asshole from AA. |
| 1753 | 01:17:31,882 | 01:17:34,694 | Well, you know, at least he's not at Williams-Sonoma | Well, you know, at least he's not at Williams-Sonoma |
| 1754 | 01:17:34,718 | 01:17:38,221 | registering for a commitment ceremony. | registering for a commitment ceremony. |
| 1755 | 01:17:39,389 | 01:17:40,133 | You're right. | You're right. |
| 1756 | 01:17:40,157 | 01:17:42,836 | You're right. Eli is such a loser. | You're right. Eli is such a loser. |
| 1757 | 01:17:42,860 | 01:17:45,095 | I'm going home. | I'm going home. |
| 1758 | 01:18:00,343 | 01:18:03,046 | Holy shit. | Holy shit. |
| 1759 | 01:18:04,014 | 01:18:05,358 | What's the matter? | What's the matter? |
| 1760 | 01:18:05,382 | 01:18:07,393 | What? Nothing. | What? Nothing. |
| 1761 | 01:18:07,417 | 01:18:09,395 | Bullshit. Why aren't you getting dressed? | Bullshit. Why aren't you getting dressed? |
| 1762 | 01:18:09,419 | 01:18:12,431 | I'm nervous about seeing Tom at the wedding. | I'm nervous about seeing Tom at the wedding. |
| 1763 | 01:18:12,455 | 01:18:13,299 | That's all. | That's all. |
| 1764 | 01:18:13,323 | 01:18:15,669 | See, only you could turn my wedding day | See, only you could turn my wedding day |
| 1765 | 01:18:15,693 | 01:18:18,137 | into the Eli Wyckoff show. You know that? | into the Eli Wyckoff show. You know that? |
| 1766 | 01:18:18,161 | 01:18:19,839 | I'm sorry, okay? Believe me, | I'm sorry, okay? Believe me, |
| 1767 | 01:18:19,863 | 01:18:22,075 | nobody can hate me as much as I do. | nobody can hate me as much as I do. |
| 1768 | 01:18:22,099 | 01:18:22,976 | Oh, my god. You know, | Oh, my god. You know, |
| 1769 | 01:18:23,000 | 01:18:25,344 | you have to change the fucking record, man. | you have to change the fucking record, man. |
| 1770 | 01:18:25,368 | 01:18:26,646 | You have to stop! | You have to stop! |
| 1771 | 01:18:26,670 | 01:18:30,316 | You cannot make this be the be-all, end-all of your entire life! | You cannot make this be the be-all, end-all of your entire life! |
| 1772 | 01:18:30,340 | 01:18:31,617 | I'm not. | I'm not. |
| 1773 | 01:18:31,641 | 01:18:33,687 | Yeah, that's exactly what you're doing. Let me tell you something. | Yeah, that's exactly what you're doing. Let me tell you something. |
| 1774 | 01:18:33,711 | 01:18:35,722 | Love, right? It's going to come up, and it's just going to | Love, right? It's going to come up, and it's just going to |
| 1775 | 01:18:35,746 | 01:18:39,292 | whack you on the back of the head before you even know what hit you. | whack you on the back of the head before you even know what hit you. |
| 1776 | 01:18:39,316 | 01:18:40,159 | I don't believe that. | I don't believe that. |
| 1777 | 01:18:40,183 | 01:18:41,995 | This is what happened to me and Jackie. | This is what happened to me and Jackie. |
| 1778 | 01:18:42,019 | 01:18:42,896 | You and Jackie were lucky. | You and Jackie were lucky. |
| 1779 | 01:18:42,920 | 01:18:45,064 | You know, you're so... You're unbelievable. | You know, you're so... You're unbelievable. |
| 1780 | 01:18:45,088 | 01:18:46,866 | I was miserable before I met her, | I was miserable before I met her, |
| 1781 | 01:18:46,890 | 01:18:48,234 | and it just happens, you know? | and it just happens, you know? |
| 1782 | 01:18:48,258 | 01:18:50,103 | I mean, you're a fucking amazing guy. | I mean, you're a fucking amazing guy. |
| 1783 | 01:18:50,127 | 01:18:51,705 | You don't have to do this. Don't do... | You don't have to do this. Don't do... |
| 1784 | 01:18:51,729 | 01:18:54,473 | Please shut up. You're a great guy, you know. | Please shut up. You're a great guy, you know. |
| 1785 | 01:18:54,497 | 01:18:55,441 | I mean, if I were into guys, | I mean, if I were into guys, |
| 1786 | 01:18:55,465 | 01:18:58,011 | we'd be in China right now picking out a baby. | we'd be in China right now picking out a baby. |
| 1787 | 01:18:58,035 | 01:18:59,212 | Thank god I'm not, but... | Thank god I'm not, but... |
| 1788 | 01:18:59,236 | 01:19:01,280 | I'm kidding. You know I love the gays. | I'm kidding. You know I love the gays. |
| 1789 | 01:19:01,304 | 01:19:02,982 | And we appreciate it. | And we appreciate it. |
| 1790 | 01:19:03,006 | 01:19:05,018 | Guys. | Guys. |
| 1791 | 01:19:05,042 | 01:19:05,685 | Uh, Mitch. | Uh, Mitch. |
| 1792 | 01:19:05,709 | 01:19:07,286 | I don't know if it's just me, | I don't know if it's just me, |
| 1793 | 01:19:07,310 | 01:19:08,722 | but I'm loving this tux. | but I'm loving this tux. |
| 1794 | 01:19:08,746 | 01:19:09,989 | You like the tux? | You like the tux? |
| 1795 | 01:19:10,013 | 01:19:11,124 | Loving it. | Loving it. |
| 1796 | 01:19:11,148 | 01:19:15,052 | Mitch, remember how we discussed the Ritalin situation? | Mitch, remember how we discussed the Ritalin situation? |
| 1797 | 01:19:19,456 | 01:19:22,468 | Just please put on your pants. | Just please put on your pants. |
| 1798 | 01:19:22,492 | 01:19:24,370 | Or get a tan. | Or get a tan. |
| 1799 | 01:19:24,394 | 01:19:25,939 | Get doubles. I want all of these. | Get doubles. I want all of these. |
| 1800 | 01:19:25,963 | 01:19:27,373 | Oh, yeah. When my sister got married, | Oh, yeah. When my sister got married, |
| 1801 | 01:19:27,397 | 01:19:30,409 | the best pictures were, like, from the Instamatics. | the best pictures were, like, from the Instamatics. |
| 1802 | 01:19:30,433 | 01:19:32,411 | Your sister got married? | Your sister got married? |
| 1803 | 01:19:32,435 | 01:19:33,146 | Yes. | Yes. |
| 1804 | 01:19:33,170 | 01:19:36,315 | Jesus. Fuck. What is my problem? | Jesus. Fuck. What is my problem? |
| 1805 | 01:19:36,339 | 01:19:38,384 | I'm like man poison... | I'm like man poison... |
| 1806 | 01:19:38,408 | 01:19:40,854 | Fucking penis raid. | Fucking penis raid. |
| 1807 | 01:19:40,878 | 01:19:42,221 | Whatever. | Whatever. |
| 1808 | 01:19:42,245 | 01:19:43,256 | Okay, girls... | Okay, girls... |
| 1809 | 01:19:43,280 | 01:19:44,758 | How do I look? | How do I look? |
| 1810 | 01:19:44,782 | 01:19:46,259 | Oh, my god. | Oh, my god. |
| 1811 | 01:19:46,283 | 01:19:48,962 | You look like a movie star. | You look like a movie star. |
| 1812 | 01:19:48,986 | 01:19:51,430 | Really? Yes. | Really? Yes. |
| 1813 | 01:19:51,454 | 01:19:52,165 | Seriously. | Seriously. |
| 1814 | 01:19:52,189 | 01:19:53,166 | Oh, Christ. In a million years, | Oh, Christ. In a million years, |
| 1815 | 01:19:53,190 | 01:19:55,501 | I never thought I'd be wearing white this soon. | I never thought I'd be wearing white this soon. |
| 1816 | 01:19:55,525 | 01:19:57,904 | Yeah, well, you shouldn't be, unless you want me | Yeah, well, you shouldn't be, unless you want me |
| 1817 | 01:19:57,928 | 01:20:00,506 | to call the pope and tell him it happened again. | to call the pope and tell him it happened again. |
| 1818 | 01:20:00,530 | 01:20:01,808 | Hey, I would have worn the cream one, | Hey, I would have worn the cream one, |
| 1819 | 01:20:01,832 | 01:20:06,112 | except for it made me look like a Jenny Craig "before" picture. | except for it made me look like a Jenny Craig "before" picture. |
| 1820 | 01:20:06,136 | 01:20:08,214 | Are you crazy? | Are you crazy? |
| 1821 | 01:20:08,238 | 01:20:10,216 | Where's Tom? | Where's Tom? |
| 1822 | 01:20:10,240 | 01:20:11,050 | He's out on the patio. | He's out on the patio. |
| 1823 | 01:20:11,074 | 01:20:12,185 | I mean, he is a man, after all. What? | I mean, he is a man, after all. What? |
| 1824 | 01:20:12,209 | 01:20:16,222 | Repellent, remember? Gay or straight... doesn't matter. | Repellent, remember? Gay or straight... doesn't matter. |
| 1825 | 01:20:16,246 | 01:20:18,357 | Hey, put that out. | Hey, put that out. |
| 1826 | 01:20:18,381 | 01:20:20,093 | You're killing my unborn child. | You're killing my unborn child. |
| 1827 | 01:20:20,117 | 01:20:22,361 | I was aiming a little higher. | I was aiming a little higher. |
| 1828 | 01:20:22,385 | 01:20:23,029 | Oh, nice. | Oh, nice. |
| 1829 | 01:20:23,053 | 01:20:26,032 | What are you doing out here? | What are you doing out here? |
| 1830 | 01:20:29,559 | 01:20:33,572 | Oh, my god! Eli was stalking you? | Oh, my god! Eli was stalking you? |
| 1831 | 01:20:33,596 | 01:20:36,342 | That is so romantic. | That is so romantic. |
| 1832 | 01:20:36,366 | 01:20:38,044 | Well, not to me. | Well, not to me. |
| 1833 | 01:20:38,068 | 01:20:40,046 | Oh. Oh, that's right, that's right, | Oh. Oh, that's right, that's right, |
| 1834 | 01:20:40,070 | 01:20:41,981 | but if he tried to kill you, | but if he tried to kill you, |
| 1835 | 01:20:42,005 | 01:20:44,550 | then you'd be picking out China patterns. | then you'd be picking out China patterns. |
| 1836 | 01:20:44,574 | 01:20:47,420 | Hey, you all right? | Hey, you all right? |
| 1837 | 01:20:47,444 | 01:20:49,388 | Yeah. Yeah. | Yeah. Yeah. |
| 1838 | 01:20:49,412 | 01:20:50,824 | Just... you're getting married. | Just... you're getting married. |
| 1839 | 01:20:50,848 | 01:20:53,326 | I'm having abandonment issues. | I'm having abandonment issues. |
| 1840 | 01:20:53,350 | 01:20:55,428 | I'm just extending the family, babe. | I'm just extending the family, babe. |
| 1841 | 01:20:55,452 | 01:20:56,930 | Jackie, let's go! | Jackie, let's go! |
| 1842 | 01:20:56,954 | 01:20:59,165 | We'll be right there! | We'll be right there! |
| 1843 | 01:20:59,189 | 01:21:00,824 | Oh... | Oh... |
| 1844 | 01:21:04,895 | 01:21:08,407 | Tom, I owe you an apology. | Tom, I owe you an apology. |
| 1845 | 01:21:08,431 | 01:21:09,342 | For what? | For what? |
| 1846 | 01:21:09,366 | 01:21:12,545 | The way I've been pressuring you about Eli. | The way I've been pressuring you about Eli. |
| 1847 | 01:21:12,569 | 01:21:13,612 | I realize I've just been trying | I realize I've just been trying |
| 1848 | 01:21:13,636 | 01:21:16,482 | to make you like everybody else, and you're not... | to make you like everybody else, and you're not... |
| 1849 | 01:21:16,506 | 01:21:20,586 | And that's one of the things I love about you. | And that's one of the things I love about you. |
| 1850 | 01:21:20,610 | 01:21:23,522 | You're the only guy I know who will probably never find | You're the only guy I know who will probably never find |
| 1851 | 01:21:23,546 | 01:21:27,593 | that one person to settle down with, and still be very happy. | that one person to settle down with, and still be very happy. |
| 1852 | 01:21:27,617 | 01:21:29,996 | I envy that. | I envy that. |
| 1853 | 01:21:30,020 | 01:21:32,598 | Jackie, get your ass in here, | Jackie, get your ass in here, |
| 1854 | 01:21:32,622 | 01:21:34,868 | or I'm wearing the veil. | or I'm wearing the veil. |
| 1855 | 01:21:36,326 | 01:21:38,504 | We're coming! | We're coming! |
| 1856 | 01:21:38,528 | 01:21:40,907 | But look at me. Shit! | But look at me. Shit! |
| 1857 | 01:21:40,931 | 01:21:44,343 | I'm, like, one step away from den mother, p.T.A., | I'm, like, one step away from den mother, p.T.A., |
| 1858 | 01:21:44,367 | 01:21:46,412 | and, "hi, honey, I'm home!" | and, "hi, honey, I'm home!" |
| 1859 | 01:21:46,436 | 01:21:48,514 | How the fuck did that happen? | How the fuck did that happen? |
| 1860 | 01:21:48,538 | 01:21:50,483 | I guess you fell in love. | I guess you fell in love. |
| 1861 | 01:21:50,507 | 01:21:52,986 | What? Oh, no, no, no. I just got lipstick | What? Oh, no, no, no. I just got lipstick |
| 1862 | 01:21:53,010 | 01:21:55,421 | all over every single one of my teeth. | all over every single one of my teeth. |
| 1863 | 01:21:55,445 | 01:21:58,882 | How did I do that? Hmm. | How did I do that? Hmm. |
| 1864 | 01:21:59,983 | 01:22:04,663 | All right. Well, it's show time. | All right. Well, it's show time. |
| 1865 | 01:22:04,687 | 01:22:08,591 | You may exchange the rings. | You may exchange the rings. |
| 1866 | 01:22:09,026 | 01:22:12,429 | Wow. It's a nice one. | Wow. It's a nice one. |
| 1867 | 01:22:17,334 | 01:22:19,012 | Congratulations! | Congratulations! |
| 1868 | 01:22:19,036 | 01:22:21,547 | I now pronounce you man and wife. | I now pronounce you man and wife. |
| 1869 | 01:22:21,571 | 01:22:23,082 | You may kiss the bride. | You may kiss the bride. |
| 1870 | 01:22:24,707 | 01:22:25,985 | Mazel tov! | Mazel tov! |
| 1871 | 01:22:57,207 | 01:22:59,076 | Eli. | Eli. |
| 1872 | 01:23:01,678 | 01:23:02,655 | Eli. | Eli. |
| 1873 | 01:23:02,679 | 01:23:04,023 | Yeah? | Yeah? |
| 1874 | 01:23:04,047 | 01:23:06,592 | How... how long are we going to have | How... how long are we going to have |
| 1875 | 01:23:06,616 | 01:23:09,328 | to keep ignoring each other? | to keep ignoring each other? |
| 1876 | 01:23:09,352 | 01:23:10,997 | What? | What? |
| 1877 | 01:23:11,021 | 01:23:12,498 | I'm not ignoring you. | I'm not ignoring you. |
| 1878 | 01:23:12,522 | 01:23:13,666 | Are you ignoring me? | Are you ignoring me? |
| 1879 | 01:23:13,690 | 01:23:17,436 | Come on, Eli. You haven't returned one of my phone calls, | Come on, Eli. You haven't returned one of my phone calls, |
| 1880 | 01:23:17,460 | 01:23:21,240 | and you've said maybe 3 words to me the entire day, | and you've said maybe 3 words to me the entire day, |
| 1881 | 01:23:21,264 | 01:23:23,209 | two of which were "seafood newburg." | two of which were "seafood newburg." |
| 1882 | 01:23:23,233 | 01:23:26,612 | Which I have to say was repulsive. | Which I have to say was repulsive. |
| 1883 | 01:23:28,271 | 01:23:30,449 | Can I get some more champagne? Champagne? | Can I get some more champagne? Champagne? |
| 1884 | 01:23:30,473 | 01:23:31,985 | Um, no. Can I get a... | Um, no. Can I get a... |
| 1885 | 01:23:32,009 | 01:23:33,119 | Oh, that's right. I'm sorry. | Oh, that's right. I'm sorry. |
| 1886 | 01:23:33,143 | 01:23:35,354 | Absolut Martini, straight up, two olives. Make it dirty. | Absolut Martini, straight up, two olives. Make it dirty. |
| 1887 | 01:23:35,378 | 01:23:39,016 | No, no. Actually, seltzer with lime, please. | No, no. Actually, seltzer with lime, please. |
| 1888 | 01:23:39,582 | 01:23:44,554 | What? So now you're... Not drinking? | What? So now you're... Not drinking? |
| 1889 | 01:23:47,524 | 01:23:51,070 | Wow. Good for you. | Wow. Good for you. |
| 1890 | 01:23:51,094 | 01:23:53,372 | Thanks. | Thanks. |
| 1891 | 01:23:53,396 | 01:23:54,573 | I sort of had to. | I sort of had to. |
| 1892 | 01:23:54,597 | 01:23:57,500 | I was slipping in the polls. | I was slipping in the polls. |
| 1893 | 01:23:57,800 | 01:23:58,777 | Yeah, well... | Yeah, well... |
| 1894 | 01:23:58,801 | 01:24:03,140 | I, on the other hand, need some more champagne. | I, on the other hand, need some more champagne. |
| 1895 | 01:24:23,726 | 01:24:25,204 | Look, Eli, I'm sorry I didn't... | Look, Eli, I'm sorry I didn't... |
| 1896 | 01:24:25,228 | 01:24:28,141 | You know what? Let's not do any of that... | You know what? Let's not do any of that... |
| 1897 | 01:24:28,165 | 01:24:32,302 | "I'm sorry it didn't work out" postmortem stuff, okay? | "I'm sorry it didn't work out" postmortem stuff, okay? |
| 1898 | 01:24:33,070 | 01:24:34,347 | Okay. | Okay. |
| 1899 | 01:24:34,371 | 01:24:38,784 | Besides, it will free up some time to make fun of people... | Besides, it will free up some time to make fun of people... |
| 1900 | 01:24:38,808 | 01:24:42,421 | Like Mitch, man of mystery, teaching the rabbi the macarena. | Like Mitch, man of mystery, teaching the rabbi the macarena. |
| 1901 | 01:24:42,445 | 01:24:44,457 | What is this, 1987? | What is this, 1987? |
| 1902 | 01:24:44,481 | 01:24:45,524 | Did you see Brett's mom? | Did you see Brett's mom? |
| 1903 | 01:24:45,548 | 01:24:48,427 | I've never seen a woman with more hair on her back. | I've never seen a woman with more hair on her back. |
| 1904 | 01:24:48,451 | 01:24:51,197 | I know. I keep waiting for the Anti-fur activists | I know. I keep waiting for the Anti-fur activists |
| 1905 | 01:24:51,221 | 01:24:54,267 | to storm in here and throw paint on her. | to storm in here and throw paint on her. |
| 1906 | 01:24:54,291 | 01:24:55,401 | Poor Brett and Jackie. | Poor Brett and Jackie. |
| 1907 | 01:24:55,425 | 01:24:58,137 | They have no idea what they've gotten themselves into, | They have no idea what they've gotten themselves into, |
| 1908 | 01:24:58,161 | 01:24:59,272 | but they will... Mark my words. | but they will... Mark my words. |
| 1909 | 01:24:59,296 | 01:25:02,275 | See, first, they'll only hang out with other couples, | See, first, they'll only hang out with other couples, |
| 1910 | 01:25:02,299 | 01:25:04,677 | and then they'll start doing the "we" thing. | and then they'll start doing the "we" thing. |
| 1911 | 01:25:04,701 | 01:25:07,746 | "Oh, we love this, and we hate that." | "Oh, we love this, and we hate that." |
| 1912 | 01:25:07,770 | 01:25:09,282 | And ordering for each other, | And ordering for each other, |
| 1913 | 01:25:09,306 | 01:25:11,217 | because "that's what we always have." | because "that's what we always have." |
| 1914 | 01:25:11,241 | 01:25:13,619 | Before you know it, she'll be shopping | Before you know it, she'll be shopping |
| 1915 | 01:25:13,643 | 01:25:15,154 | for lingerie at bloomingdale's, | for lingerie at bloomingdale's, |
| 1916 | 01:25:15,178 | 01:25:16,489 | and Brett, the poor loser, | and Brett, the poor loser, |
| 1917 | 01:25:16,513 | 01:25:18,391 | will be outside the dressing room | will be outside the dressing room |
| 1918 | 01:25:18,415 | 01:25:21,760 | with her pocketbook in his lap. | with her pocketbook in his lap. |
| 1919 | 01:25:21,784 | 01:25:23,229 | Oh, my god. | Oh, my god. |
| 1920 | 01:25:23,253 | 01:25:26,232 | You are so full of shit, you know that? | You are so full of shit, you know that? |
| 1921 | 01:25:26,256 | 01:25:29,368 | You got this bullshit "I don't need anyone" thing, | You got this bullshit "I don't need anyone" thing, |
| 1922 | 01:25:29,392 | 01:25:31,437 | and you use that, thinking it's going to shield you | and you use that, thinking it's going to shield you |
| 1923 | 01:25:31,461 | 01:25:35,208 | from the fact that your parents were drunks, had a lousy marriage, | from the fact that your parents were drunks, had a lousy marriage, |
| 1924 | 01:25:35,232 | 01:25:36,842 | and fucked up everyone in their lives. | and fucked up everyone in their lives. |
| 1925 | 01:25:36,866 | 01:25:39,412 | But it's your life now, not theirs. | But it's your life now, not theirs. |
| 1926 | 01:25:39,436 | 01:25:41,480 | And what do you have to show for it? | And what do you have to show for it? |
| 1927 | 01:25:41,504 | 01:25:44,450 | You're just another self-hating recovering alcoholic | You're just another self-hating recovering alcoholic |
| 1928 | 01:25:44,474 | 01:25:49,812 | with nothing to live for but a Martini and a blow job. | with nothing to live for but a Martini and a blow job. |
| 1929 | 01:25:54,251 | 01:25:56,862 | Eli. Eli! | Eli. Eli! |
| 1930 | 01:25:56,886 | 01:25:57,830 | Hey! | Hey! |
| 1931 | 01:25:59,856 | 01:26:02,368 | Don't you dare sum me up! | Don't you dare sum me up! |
| 1932 | 01:26:02,392 | 01:26:04,770 | You don't know the first thing about me. | You don't know the first thing about me. |
| 1933 | 01:26:04,794 | 01:26:07,506 | And that would be whose fault? Oh, god. | And that would be whose fault? Oh, god. |
| 1934 | 01:26:07,530 | 01:26:08,941 | God. You know what? | God. You know what? |
| 1935 | 01:26:08,965 | 01:26:12,245 | It's so easy for you, Mr. Love is a many-splendored thing. | It's so easy for you, Mr. Love is a many-splendored thing. |
| 1936 | 01:26:12,269 | 01:26:15,148 | But you know what? I've seen it. I've seen it. | But you know what? I've seen it. I've seen it. |
| 1937 | 01:26:15,172 | 01:26:18,251 | My parents loved one another "till death do us part," | My parents loved one another "till death do us part," |
| 1938 | 01:26:18,275 | 01:26:20,453 | and believe me, it practically came to that. | and believe me, it practically came to that. |
| 1939 | 01:26:20,477 | 01:26:23,289 | I mean, have you... Have you ever heard | I mean, have you... Have you ever heard |
| 1940 | 01:26:23,313 | 01:26:27,526 | the sound of two people suffocating one another? | the sound of two people suffocating one another? |
| 1941 | 01:26:27,550 | 01:26:28,594 | Have you? | Have you? |
| 1942 | 01:26:28,618 | 01:26:31,397 | Or the sound of ice cubes smashing against the wall, | Or the sound of ice cubes smashing against the wall, |
| 1943 | 01:26:31,421 | 01:26:34,333 | or a pot roast being shoved down the disposal? | or a pot roast being shoved down the disposal? |
| 1944 | 01:26:34,357 | 01:26:38,404 | No. How could you possibly, with your touchy-feely, | No. How could you possibly, with your touchy-feely, |
| 1945 | 01:26:38,428 | 01:26:41,464 | "I'm okay, you're okay" parents? | "I'm okay, you're okay" parents? |
| 1946 | 01:26:41,731 | 01:26:45,344 | I'm sorry I'm bursting your little bubble, | I'm sorry I'm bursting your little bubble, |
| 1947 | 01:26:45,368 | 01:26:47,913 | but there are a million guys out there | but there are a million guys out there |
| 1948 | 01:26:47,937 | 01:26:50,349 | who can give you what you want. | who can give you what you want. |
| 1949 | 01:26:50,373 | 01:26:54,520 | I'm just not one of them. | I'm just not one of them. |
| 1950 | 01:26:54,544 | 01:26:56,589 | I'm sorry. | I'm sorry. |
| 1951 | 01:26:56,613 | 01:27:00,317 | You do the math. | You do the math. |
| 1952 | 01:27:00,950 | 01:27:02,728 | You know what? | You know what? |
| 1953 | 01:27:02,752 | 01:27:07,724 | Fuck you if that's the wrong use of that expression. | Fuck you if that's the wrong use of that expression. |
| 1954 | 01:27:19,469 | 01:27:24,450 | ♪ If I could bring you back ♪ | ♪ If I could bring you back ♪ |
| 1955 | 01:27:24,474 | 01:27:28,354 | ♪ That'd be the sweetest thing ♪ | ♪ That'd be the sweetest thing ♪ |
| 1956 | 01:27:28,378 | 01:27:33,292 | ♪ If I could bring you back | ♪ If I could bring you back |
| 1957 | 01:27:33,316 | 01:27:36,829 | ♪ I would do anything | ♪ I would do anything |
| 1958 | 01:27:36,853 | 01:27:43,302 | ♪ if I could bring you back ♪ | ♪ if I could bring you back ♪ |
| 1959 | 01:27:43,326 | 01:27:47,397 | ♪ To me | ♪ To me |
| 1960 | 01:28:12,455 | 01:28:16,293 | I just wanted to say before I go... | I just wanted to say before I go... |
| 1961 | 01:28:16,959 | 01:28:18,995 | I'm sorry. | I'm sorry. |
| 1962 | 01:28:20,930 | 01:28:23,609 | I don't want you to leave here today | I don't want you to leave here today |
| 1963 | 01:28:23,633 | 01:28:27,446 | thinking that you can't do this... | thinking that you can't do this... |
| 1964 | 01:28:27,470 | 01:28:29,406 | Being a... | Being a... |
| 1965 | 01:28:31,741 | 01:28:34,377 | Because you can. | Because you can. |
| 1966 | 01:28:34,744 | 01:28:38,315 | Tom, you are going to meet someone... | Tom, you are going to meet someone... |
| 1967 | 01:28:38,615 | 01:28:43,529 | And you are going to be so great at this. | And you are going to be so great at this. |
| 1968 | 01:28:43,553 | 01:28:45,664 | And it's not going to be like your parents, | And it's not going to be like your parents, |
| 1969 | 01:28:45,688 | 01:28:51,561 | and... and it's not going to be like it was with me. | and... and it's not going to be like it was with me. |
| 1970 | 01:28:55,632 | 01:28:57,900 | Anyway, um... | Anyway, um... |
| 1971 | 01:29:01,070 | 01:29:03,316 | I'll see you around. | I'll see you around. |
| 1972 | 01:29:03,340 | 01:29:04,941 | Eli. | Eli. |
| 1973 | 01:29:06,409 | 01:29:08,086 | What? | What? |
| 1974 | 01:29:08,110 | 01:29:11,881 | What exactly do you want? | What exactly do you want? |
| 1975 | 01:29:13,950 | 01:29:15,761 | What... what do I? | What... what do I? |
| 1976 | 01:29:15,785 | 01:29:16,895 | Yeah. | Yeah. |
| 1977 | 01:29:16,919 | 01:29:19,822 | Yeah, you. | Yeah, you. |
| 1978 | 01:29:21,524 | 01:29:27,330 | I wanted... This to stop being so fucking hard. | I wanted... This to stop being so fucking hard. |
| 1979 | 01:29:30,367 | 01:29:33,002 | I want to meet your sister. | I want to meet your sister. |
| 1980 | 01:29:35,838 | 01:29:38,617 | I want to be over this part, you know, | I want to be over this part, you know, |
| 1981 | 01:29:38,641 | 01:29:41,520 | so that I can call you an asshole, | so that I can call you an asshole, |
| 1982 | 01:29:41,544 | 01:29:43,922 | even when you're sick, and... | even when you're sick, and... |
| 1983 | 01:29:43,946 | 01:29:47,092 | You'd still know how much I love you. | You'd still know how much I love you. |
| 1984 | 01:29:47,116 | 01:29:47,926 | Eli... | Eli... |
| 1985 | 01:29:47,950 | 01:29:49,928 | I don't know what you call that, Tom... | I don't know what you call that, Tom... |
| 1986 | 01:29:49,952 | 01:29:53,366 | Pocketbook-holding, suffocating, maybe... | Pocketbook-holding, suffocating, maybe... |
| 1987 | 01:29:53,390 | 01:29:57,570 | But if I could ever have anything even close to that... | But if I could ever have anything even close to that... |
| 1988 | 01:29:57,594 | 01:29:59,529 | Eli. | Eli. |
| 1989 | 01:30:25,455 | 01:30:27,624 | So I'm gonna go, okay? | So I'm gonna go, okay? |
| 1990 | 01:30:28,691 | 01:30:31,036 | Valet's got my car. | Valet's got my car. |
| 1991 | 01:30:31,060 | 01:30:32,471 | Got to... | Got to... |
| 1992 | 01:30:32,495 | 01:30:36,108 | Hey! There you are. Oh, Eli! Hey. | Hey! There you are. Oh, Eli! Hey. |
| 1993 | 01:30:36,132 | 01:30:36,709 | Hey. | Hey. |
| 1994 | 01:30:36,733 | 01:30:38,010 | Uh, should I... Or is... | Uh, should I... Or is... |
| 1995 | 01:30:38,034 | 01:30:39,077 | Is everything okay? | Is everything okay? |
| 1996 | 01:30:39,101 | 01:30:41,614 | Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What's up with the braid? | Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What's up with the braid? |
| 1997 | 01:30:41,638 | 01:30:44,417 | Oh, uh, Brett did it. It's a long story. | Oh, uh, Brett did it. It's a long story. |
| 1998 | 01:30:44,441 | 01:30:46,685 | Okay, I need to take a personal moment. | Okay, I need to take a personal moment. |
| 1999 | 01:30:46,709 | 01:30:48,186 | What's the matter? You're not having fun? | What's the matter? You're not having fun? |
| 2000 | 01:30:48,210 | 01:30:50,155 | Oh, I was till about 5 minutes ago. | Oh, I was till about 5 minutes ago. |
| 2001 | 01:30:50,179 | 01:30:51,123 | What happened? | What happened? |
| 2002 | 01:30:51,147 | 01:30:53,492 | I put my left foot in, I put my left foot out, | I put my left foot in, I put my left foot out, |
| 2003 | 01:30:53,516 | 01:30:56,762 | I put my left foot in, and then I threw up. | I put my left foot in, and then I threw up. |
| 2004 | 01:30:57,887 | 01:30:59,031 | The baby? | The baby? |
| 2005 | 01:30:59,055 | 01:31:01,600 | Uh, no. Brett's cousin Al bumped his pokey into my hokey, | Uh, no. Brett's cousin Al bumped his pokey into my hokey, |
| 2006 | 01:31:01,624 | 01:31:02,735 | and I borched, all right? | and I borched, all right? |
| 2007 | 01:31:02,759 | 01:31:05,771 | I think Brett is the only normal person in that family. | I think Brett is the only normal person in that family. |
| 2008 | 01:31:05,795 | 01:31:06,639 | Yeah. | Yeah. |
| 2009 | 01:31:06,663 | 01:31:08,474 | Okay, can we talk about his brother Mitch? | Okay, can we talk about his brother Mitch? |
| 2010 | 01:31:08,498 | 01:31:09,575 | Hello? Freaky Mcfreak! | Hello? Freaky Mcfreak! |
| 2011 | 01:31:09,599 | 01:31:11,143 | I know. The guy wants to get into Cirque Du Soleil. | I know. The guy wants to get into Cirque Du Soleil. |
| 2012 | 01:31:11,167 | 01:31:14,079 | I swear to you, he says he can swallow his own leg. | I swear to you, he says he can swallow his own leg. |
| 2013 | 01:31:14,103 | 01:31:16,782 | Well... yo, what's up? | Well... yo, what's up? |
| 2014 | 01:31:16,806 | 01:31:18,116 | How are you doin'? | How are you doin'? |
| 2015 | 01:31:18,140 | 01:31:19,217 | What am I missing? | What am I missing? |
| 2016 | 01:31:19,241 | 01:31:22,788 | Oh, just a family resemblance, and I love you for it. | Oh, just a family resemblance, and I love you for it. |
| 2017 | 01:31:22,812 | 01:31:24,089 | Okay. I don't know what that means. | Okay. I don't know what that means. |
| 2018 | 01:31:24,113 | 01:31:27,860 | Uh, I'm really smashed. I think I just made out with the rabbi. | Uh, I'm really smashed. I think I just made out with the rabbi. |
| 2019 | 01:31:27,884 | 01:31:28,861 | Is that...? | Is that...? |
| 2020 | 01:31:28,885 | 01:31:29,762 | He I hot. | He I hot. |
| 2021 | 01:31:29,786 | 01:31:30,729 | Is there gonna be dancing? | Is there gonna be dancing? |
| 2022 | 01:31:30,753 | 01:31:31,864 | Are we gonna dance? | Are we gonna dance? |
| 2023 | 01:31:31,888 | 01:31:32,665 | 'Cause I promised the family | 'Cause I promised the family |
| 2024 | 01:31:32,689 | 01:31:35,468 | some hot man-on-man action tonight. | some hot man-on-man action tonight. |
| 2025 | 01:31:35,492 | 01:31:36,635 | You and me? | You and me? |
| 2026 | 01:31:36,659 | 01:31:37,169 | No. | No. |
| 2027 | 01:31:37,193 | 01:31:38,771 | I think he means me. | I think he means me. |
| 2028 | 01:31:38,795 | 01:31:40,205 | Come on, guys. Let's go. | Come on, guys. Let's go. |
| 2029 | 01:31:40,229 | 01:31:43,008 | It's gonna be fun. Come on, sweetheart. | It's gonna be fun. Come on, sweetheart. |
| 2030 | 01:31:43,032 | 01:31:45,478 | Oh, look at that ass! | Oh, look at that ass! |
| 2031 | 01:31:45,502 | 01:31:46,411 | A little something like that, | A little something like that, |
| 2032 | 01:31:46,435 | 01:31:48,847 | or if you want, we could do eighties style. | or if you want, we could do eighties style. |
| 2033 | 01:31:48,871 | 01:31:50,716 | No? Come on. Stuff like that, | No? Come on. Stuff like that, |
| 2034 | 01:31:50,740 | 01:31:52,818 | and then maybe a little unh! | and then maybe a little unh! |
| 2035 | 01:31:52,842 | 01:31:54,653 | You know what I'm saying? | You know what I'm saying? |
| 2036 | 01:31:54,677 | 01:31:55,387 | Ow. Ow. | Ow. Ow. |
| 2037 | 01:31:55,411 | 01:31:56,354 | You're stepping on my foot. | You're stepping on my foot. |
| 2038 | 01:31:56,378 | 01:31:58,724 | How hot does this broad look tonight? | How hot does this broad look tonight? |
| 2039 | 01:31:58,748 | 01:32:00,793 | So I meant to tell you, | So I meant to tell you, |
| 2040 | 01:32:00,817 | 01:32:02,861 | I finally saw gone with the wind. | I finally saw gone with the wind. |
| 2041 | 01:32:02,885 | 01:32:04,162 | And? | And? |
| 2042 | 01:32:04,186 | 01:32:06,565 | And... and I loved it. | And... and I loved it. |
| 2043 | 01:32:06,589 | 01:32:07,466 | Oh, thank god. | Oh, thank god. |
| 2044 | 01:32:07,490 | 01:32:09,635 | See, I think Scarlett realizes in the end | See, I think Scarlett realizes in the end |
| 2045 | 01:32:09,659 | 01:32:11,804 | that it was just fear holding her back | that it was just fear holding her back |
| 2046 | 01:32:11,828 | 01:32:13,739 | from the guy that she wanted to... | from the guy that she wanted to... |
| 2047 | 01:32:13,763 | 01:32:17,042 | You know, hold her pocketbook. | You know, hold her pocketbook. |
| 2048 | 01:32:17,066 | 01:32:18,243 | Yeah. | Yeah. |
| 2049 | 01:32:18,267 | 01:32:20,813 | And the thing about Rhett Butler... | And the thing about Rhett Butler... |
| 2050 | 01:32:20,837 | 01:32:21,780 | Yeah? | Yeah? |
| 2051 | 01:32:21,804 | 01:32:24,082 | He wasn't very fuzzy... Was he? | He wasn't very fuzzy... Was he? |
| 2052 | 01:32:24,106 | 01:32:27,920 | ♪ I'm gonna make you love me ♪ | ♪ I'm gonna make you love me ♪ |
| 2053 | 01:32:27,944 | 01:32:31,890 | ♪ I'm gonna dry your tears | ♪ I'm gonna dry your tears |
| 2054 | 01:32:31,914 | 01:32:34,827 | ♪ and we're gonna stay together ♪ | ♪ and we're gonna stay together ♪ |
| 2055 | 01:32:34,851 | 01:32:38,721 | ♪ For a million years | ♪ For a million years |
| 2056 | 01:32:44,961 | 01:32:48,941 | ♪ it's the least I can do | ♪ it's the least I can do |
| 2057 | 01:32:48,965 | 01:32:52,911 | ♪ just to make you my baby | ♪ just to make you my baby |
| 2058 | 01:32:52,935 | 01:32:56,982 | ♪ no words could describe | ♪ no words could describe |
| 2059 | 01:32:57,006 | 01:33:00,986 | ♪ oh, pinch me, I'm dreamin' | ♪ oh, pinch me, I'm dreamin' |
| 2060 | 01:33:01,010 | 01:33:04,890 | ♪ your hair's long and black | ♪ your hair's long and black |
| 2061 | 01:33:04,914 | 01:33:08,861 | ♪ as it lays 'cross my pillow | ♪ as it lays 'cross my pillow |
| 2062 | 01:33:08,885 | 01:33:12,765 | ♪ when I stare in your eyes | ♪ when I stare in your eyes |
| 2063 | 01:33:12,789 | 01:33:16,234 | ♪ I get lost in your glory | ♪ I get lost in your glory |
| 2064 | 01:33:16,258 | 01:33:20,038 | ♪ I'll never leave | ♪ I'll never leave |
| 2065 | 01:33:20,062 | 01:33:22,240 | ♪ oh, you want me to | ♪ oh, you want me to |
| 2066 | 01:33:22,264 | 01:33:25,868 | ♪ but that's all right | ♪ but that's all right |
| 2067 | 01:33:26,969 | 01:33:31,016 | ♪ I'm gonna make you love me | ♪ I'm gonna make you love me |
| 2068 | 01:33:31,040 | 01:33:33,652 | ♪ I'm gonna dry your tears ♪ | ♪ I'm gonna dry your tears ♪ |
| 2069 | 01:33:33,676 | 01:33:35,020 | ♪ Dry all the tears | ♪ Dry all the tears |
| 2070 | 01:33:35,044 | 01:33:38,023 | ♪ and we're gonna stay together ♪ | ♪ and we're gonna stay together ♪ |
| 2071 | 01:33:38,047 | 01:33:39,057 | ♪ For a million | ♪ For a million |
| 2072 | 01:33:39,081 | 01:33:43,028 | ♪ I'm gonna make you love me | ♪ I'm gonna make you love me |
| 2073 | 01:33:43,052 | 01:33:45,698 | ♪ I'm gonna dry your tears ♪ | ♪ I'm gonna dry your tears ♪ |
| 2074 | 01:33:45,722 | 01:33:46,899 | ♪ Dry all the tears | ♪ Dry all the tears |
| 2075 | 01:33:46,923 | 01:33:49,768 | ♪ and we're gonna stay together ♪ | ♪ and we're gonna stay together ♪ |
| 2076 | 01:33:49,792 | 01:33:53,062 | ♪ For a million years | ♪ For a million years |
| 2077 | 01:34:09,411 | 01:34:13,892 | ♪ If the silence doesn't kill you ♪ | ♪ If the silence doesn't kill you ♪ |
| 2078 | 01:34:13,916 | 01:34:17,754 | ♪ Then illusion will | ♪ Then illusion will |
| 2079 | 01:34:20,189 | 01:34:23,201 | ♪ and you're starin' at the sky ♪ | ♪ and you're starin' at the sky ♪ |
| 2080 | 01:34:23,225 | 01:34:29,065 | ♪ But the moon ain't gonna pay our bills ♪ | ♪ But the moon ain't gonna pay our bills ♪ |
| 2081 | 01:34:30,933 | 01:34:34,079 | ♪ And we're laughin' 'bout it loud ♪ | ♪ And we're laughin' 'bout it loud ♪ |
| 2082 | 01:34:34,103 | 01:34:39,275 | ♪ When, oh, you know it ain't no joke ♪ | ♪ When, oh, you know it ain't no joke ♪ |
| 2083 | 01:34:41,110 | 01:34:45,758 | ♪ You seem them cake the roads with glitter ♪ | ♪ You seem them cake the roads with glitter ♪ |
| 2084 | 01:34:45,782 | 01:34:50,052 | ♪ Trade your dreams for smoke | ♪ Trade your dreams for smoke |
| 2085 | 01:34:53,022 | 01:34:56,001 | ♪ teardrops in the treetops | ♪ teardrops in the treetops |
| 2086 | 01:34:56,025 | 01:35:01,731 | ♪ the wind is whistlin' through the mountain's teeth ♪ | ♪ the wind is whistlin' through the mountain's teeth ♪ |
| 2087 | 01:35:03,232 | 01:35:11,640 | ♪ A song for every wounded dove ♪ | ♪ A song for every wounded dove ♪ |
| 2088 | 01:35:15,477 | 01:35:19,324 | ♪ But we're out further | ♪ But we're out further |
| 2089 | 01:35:19,348 | 01:35:24,086 | ♪ than the rainbow's edge | ♪ than the rainbow's edge |
| 2090 | 01:35:24,721 | 01:35:29,034 | ♪ going down, down to the roots ♪ | ♪ going down, down to the roots ♪ |
| 2091 | 01:35:29,058 | 01:35:32,070 | ♪ Of love | ♪ Of love |
| 2092 | 01:35:32,094 | 01:35:34,472 | Captioning made possible by Trimark Pictures | Captioning made possible by Trimark Pictures |
| 2093 | 01:35:34,496 | 01:35:36,699 | Captioned by the National Captioning Institute... www.ncicap.org... | Captioned by the National Captioning Institute... www.ncicap.org... |