1 00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:48,357 Thank you so much for joining me. It was most kind. 2 00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:50,118 I'm enjoying myself. 3 00:00:50,160 --> 00:00:54,040 You know, that big house, it can get very lonely. 4 00:00:54,080 --> 00:00:55,991 Yes, I remember. 5 00:00:56,040 --> 00:00:58,554 But here, all is bustle and cheerfulness. 6 00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:01,433 - We must come again. - I'm so glad you like it. 7 00:01:01,480 --> 00:01:03,232 It was an old coaching inn, 8 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:07,433 where they used to change the horses on the London to Land's End road. 9 00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:11,758 - They went all that way by coach? - Yes. You can see how it used to be. 10 00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:16,951 Oh-ho, how glad I am to live in the age of the motorcar. 11 00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:19,355 What would we do without it in the country? 12 00:01:19,400 --> 00:01:21,437 Specially you. You are so busy. 13 00:01:21,480 --> 00:01:23,630 Yes, I'd be lost without my Rolls. 14 00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:27,913 The meals on wheels, the parish work, Girl Guides, old people's club. 15 00:01:27,960 --> 00:01:30,110 Oh, you have an old people's club? 16 00:01:30,160 --> 00:01:32,470 - You should join. - Really? 17 00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:36,791 - Well...we need some younger people. - Oh. 18 00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:40,117 Well, perhaps it might be amusing. What do they do? 19 00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:43,391 Come in when we get back and I'll give you a list of the events. 20 00:01:43,440 --> 00:01:47,035 Oh, you are so kind. Always doing things for other people. 21 00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:50,516 It's what I was brought up to do. It's my job, if you like. 22 00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:52,870 We have a saying in old Czechoslovakia. 23 00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:56,311 "The willing horse is always tethered." 24 00:01:58,200 --> 00:01:59,873 - Ah. The bill. - Oh, no, no. 25 00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:03,117 - I said this was to be my treat. - No, I couldn't think of it. 26 00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:06,790 No, I insist. Bedrich's firm will pay. 27 00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:08,877 It's tax-deductible. 28 00:02:09,920 --> 00:02:12,639 Entertaining overseas customer. 29 00:02:13,840 --> 00:02:16,593 - Who's the overseas customer? -lam. 30 00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:22,713 I come from overseas and I buy things at the supermarket, 31 00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:24,751 so I'm a customer. 32 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:29,320 Sometimes I feel that my expensive education 33 00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:32,398 did absolutely nothing to fit me for this modern world. 34 00:02:40,920 --> 00:02:43,912 There you are. That's the way they used to travel. 35 00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:46,520 Oh, it looks terribly uncomfortable. 36 00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:49,120 Specially if you couldn't get a seat inside. 37 00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:53,552 When they travelled on the outside they covered themselves with straw. 38 00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:56,831 Thank goodness we don't have to travel like that. 39 00:02:56,880 --> 00:02:58,791 Very well, John. Thank you. 40 00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:05,071 Mm, this is the way to travel. 41 00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:06,952 Yes. Very nice. 42 00:03:07,760 --> 00:03:11,037 Well...if you want a car like this... 43 00:03:11,080 --> 00:03:13,356 You're matchmaking again, Mrs Poo. 44 00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:15,391 Besides, I've got a car like this. 45 00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:19,149 - It's antique. - Exactly. A valuable antique. 46 00:03:21,320 --> 00:03:24,312 Bit of a drag on the market, these long-case clocks. 47 00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:26,954 It's worth hundreds in sentimental value. 48 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:30,072 You can't sell anything at its sentimental value. 49 00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:33,358 Oh. Good afternoon, madam. 50 00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:37,439 Good afternoon, Mr Anderson. I hope Mr Brabinger's been looking after you. 51 00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:39,198 Keeping an eye on me, more like. 52 00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:42,119 I do feel Mr Anderson is undervaluing everything. 53 00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:44,151 I'm sure he's only doing his job. 54 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:47,830 Isn't that the estate agent who sold us the manor? 55 00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:49,553 Yes, that's right. 56 00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:53,554 What about my bathroom doorknob? 57 00:03:55,760 --> 00:03:58,036 - Doorknob? - Comes off in your hand. 58 00:03:58,080 --> 00:04:00,833 Has done ever since we moved in. 59 00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:03,599 And he wouldn't knock a penny off the price. 60 00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:07,639 You're...not selling things, are you? 61 00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:12,709 Of course not. Mr Anderson's just doing some...valuing for insurance purposes. 62 00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:15,320 Now, er, the old people's club. 63 00:04:16,080 --> 00:04:19,436 Here we are. You see, there's whist drives, bingo, 64 00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:22,552 beetle drives, the old people's seaside outing. 65 00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:25,638 If anything takes your fancy, just ring the organiser. 66 00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:28,354 - Who's that? - Mrs Proctor. The number's there. 67 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:31,756 Thank you. You are so kind. I must fly. 68 00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:33,791 Well, thank you for a lovely lunch. 69 00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:36,229 And don't let him diddle you. 70 00:04:37,840 --> 00:04:39,831 Remember my doorknob. 71 00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:43,397 Goodbye. Now, mind how you go. 72 00:04:44,280 --> 00:04:45,953 Bye again. 73 00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:51,516 It's not selling. We are merely realising our assets. 74 00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:58,918 Thank you. 75 00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:09,518 - Excuse me. - Oh. 76 00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:11,153 That's Great Uncle Gussie. 77 00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:15,114 There's quite a market in family portraits. It might fetch quite a lot. 78 00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:19,358 With all his servants, it'll be the first time he ever fetched anything. 79 00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:23,189 Americans hang them in their ranches as their English ancestors. 80 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:26,596 - We can't allow that, madam. - Oh, be brave, Brabinger. 81 00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:30,315 Great Uncle Gussie won't mind. He always wanted to go to America. 82 00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:39,231 (Whirring overhead) 83 00:06:14,720 --> 00:06:16,791 - (Knock on door) - Yes? 84 00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:20,677 - Can I come in? - Of course. 85 00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:23,951 You should come and see your poor old mother more often. 86 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:26,435 I never quite know what you get up to in here. 87 00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:28,596 This is my private room. 88 00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:31,280 I can get up to what I like. 89 00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:34,199 Er, what is a...beetle drive? 90 00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:36,993 Er... Good Lord, I don't know. 91 00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:41,636 What's the matter with you, Bedrich? 92 00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:45,593 - I've got something to tell you. - About Audrey? 93 00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:50,510 No, it's not about Audrey. Why d'you keep going on about Audrey? 94 00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:53,791 - She thinks the world of you. - How do you know? 95 00:06:53,840 --> 00:06:57,390 - I had lunch with her today. - Been matchmaking again, have you? 96 00:06:57,440 --> 00:07:01,354 It's got nothing to do with Audrey. Come and look out of the window. 97 00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:10,317 Oh. I heard it. 98 00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:14,518 - Who's here? - I am. I's mine. 99 00:07:15,480 --> 00:07:18,393 - That thing? - I've just bought it. 100 00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:21,717 - What are you going to do with it? - Learn to fly it. 101 00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:24,195 Oh, Bedrich, you will be careful, won't you? 102 00:07:24,240 --> 00:07:28,916 Of course, Mother. My instructor says it'll take me about a month to learn 103 00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:31,759 - and then I'll take you up in it. - Oh, not me. 104 00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:34,553 In that case, I'l... I'l just have to ask Audrey. 105 00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:38,389 She will not appreciate you showing off in that thing. 106 00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:40,158 Shell love it. 107 00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:43,238 It will only remind her of what she has lost. 108 00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:46,591 I don't see why. She never had anything like a helicopter. 109 00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:50,190 - No, but she had a Rolls-Royce. - Oh, the family heirloom. 110 00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:54,632 - Not any more. - Why? You mean she's got rid of it? 111 00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:59,675 I have just seen that Anderson man valuing her things. 112 00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:01,916 She said it was for insurance, 113 00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:06,955 but her car is not in the garage so it must have been sold already. 114 00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:09,996 How's she going to manage without a car? 115 00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:12,395 That's what I have been thinking. 116 00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:16,399 Why don't you do something about it? 117 00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:20,872 - You mean give her a car? - You can afford it. 118 00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:23,036 Yes, but I don't think she'd accept it. 119 00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:25,310 - Why? - Well, it's charity, you see. 120 00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:29,118 Well, tell her it's to help her in her work. 121 00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:31,390 - What work? - Charity work. 122 00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:34,273 Visiting, meals on wheels, Girl Guides... 123 00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:36,994 All right, Mother. I'l... I'l think about it. 124 00:08:37,040 --> 00:08:39,554 She's putting a brave face on it. 125 00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:43,355 But I don't think she'll care for that. 126 00:08:48,640 --> 00:08:50,039 Who is that? 127 00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:52,873 My instructor. 128 00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:56,513 And I don't think she'll care for that, either. 129 00:08:58,440 --> 00:09:02,035 I never seem to get any white envelopes these days. 130 00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:05,198 Nothing but brown ones with those nasty little windows 131 00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:08,039 so the postman can tell everyone how much you owe. 132 00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:12,271 It's no use, Brabinger. Those hats are made of fluff. 133 00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:16,109 - This one's from Marlbury Motors. - About the Rolls, madam? 134 00:09:16,160 --> 00:09:18,834 They've relined the brakes, whatever that is. 135 00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:24,078 But they're keeping hold of the car until we settle the account. 136 00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:28,717 Are you allowed in law to... impound people's property like that? 137 00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:32,116 "Backlog of bills over several years." 138 00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:35,755 It's inflation, you know. Tradesmen never used to ask for cash. 139 00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:38,440 I don't think my father even knew what cash was. 140 00:09:38,480 --> 00:09:39,675 No, madam. 141 00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:43,634 Do they realise how much we need the car? What about our meals on wheels? 142 00:09:43,680 --> 00:09:47,389 - What will happen to the old people? - We'll starve, madam. 143 00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:50,239 Not you, Brabinger. I mean MY old people. 144 00:09:50,280 --> 00:09:52,430 There's the seaside outing next week. 145 00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:54,869 I do have a few savings, madam. 146 00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:57,799 That's sweet of you, but you'll probably need those. 147 00:09:57,840 --> 00:09:59,513 MARJORY: Anyone at home? 148 00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:01,790 - Oh, you are in. - Miss Frobisher, madam. 149 00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:04,639 I thought you were out. The car's not in the garage. 150 00:10:04,680 --> 00:10:07,035 Unfortunately, that's just where it is. 151 00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:09,310 - No, it's not. - No, not MY garage. 152 00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:12,159 - I mean Marlbury Motors. - Oh. 153 00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:14,555 How are we going to manage without the car? 154 00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:16,591 Mrs Proctor's coming round in hers. 155 00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:19,473 - Oh, then I'm not needed. - No, I'm sorry. 156 00:10:19,520 --> 00:10:22,034 Rather you than me. She drives like a maniac. 157 00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:26,278 You can't do meals on wheels without wheels, and hers were available. 158 00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:28,436 She drives as if she were riding a horse. 159 00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:31,359 I've been with her when she's fried to take the jumps. 160 00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:35,837 Let's hope you don't have to ask her to drive you too often. 161 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:38,793 - It's only till I'm mobile again. - How long will that be? 162 00:10:38,840 --> 00:10:41,958 As long as it takes me to find the cash for the garage bill. 163 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:44,276 Cash? Where are you going to find that? 164 00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:47,199 From the money I save by not running the car. 165 00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:48,799 - (Doorbell) - There she is. 166 00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:51,673 You can't go on like this. You've got to get a job. 167 00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:53,711 I've got a job. This is my job. 168 00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:57,549 If I didn't do it, it would be done by some civil servant at 20,000 a year. 169 00:10:58,280 --> 00:10:59,600 Mrs Proctor, madam. 170 00:10:59,640 --> 00:11:02,393 - Good morning, Fforbes. - Morning, Mrs Proctor. 171 00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:06,070 - You on parade, as well, Frobisher? - No. Audrey got muddled. 172 00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:07,872 That's not like her. 173 00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:10,230 - Ready, Fforbes? - Booted and spurred. 174 00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:14,717 Bit of a nuisance, this, old chap. When are you going to be mobile again? 175 00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:17,673 Well, Rolls-Royces do tend to take a little time. 176 00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:19,836 I'm going away next week, do you see? 177 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:22,440 Ah. Well, I... I might be mobile by then. 178 00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:25,711 Good. We need your car for the old people's seaside outing. 179 00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:28,639 - Got you down for five old things. - Five? 180 00:11:28,680 --> 00:11:32,310 Yes, the funny foreign old thing from the manor wants to come. 181 00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:34,317 Do you mean Mrs Poo? 182 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:38,240 Is that her name? Oh, well, said Fforbes promised she could. 183 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:40,874 - Yes, I did. - So you can manage five, then? 184 00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:44,595 - Have I ever let you down? - Knew I could rely on you, Fforbes. 185 00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:46,551 Noblesse oblige. 186 00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:49,752 That's just what I was saying. Wasn't I, Marjory? 187 00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:52,633 She thinks she's saving the country 20,000 a year. 188 00:11:52,680 --> 00:11:54,159 Oh, at least, yes. 189 00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:57,750 Three of us here are worth half a dozen cabinet ministers. 190 00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:01,270 - Where are you going for your holiday? - Horse of the Year Show. 191 00:12:02,560 --> 00:12:06,554 I'm trying to find somebody to run my riding school while I'm away. 192 00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:09,194 But you just can't find the right people. 193 00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:12,471 - Oh, who are the right people? - Well, you, Fforbes, me. 194 00:12:12,520 --> 00:12:16,832 US sort of people. You can pay top rates for riff-raff these days. 195 00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:19,030 - Top rates? - You have to. 196 00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:21,594 Union's got you by the fetlocks, do you see? 197 00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:25,796 I dare say I could find time to run your riding school for you. 198 00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:28,309 Really, Fforbes? Oh, I say, that's capital. 199 00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:29,919 One thing, though. 200 00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:33,316 Look, you won't like it, but I insist on paying you. 201 00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:35,351 Oh, well, if you insist. 202 00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:38,954 We mustn't upset the union, must we? 203 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:42,675 Good. I'l fill you in on the meals run. Come on, best foot forward. 204 00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:46,076 Don't look at me like that, Marjory. It isn't a job as such. 205 00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:52,431 (Clattering hooves) 206 00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:10,836 Right, now, feet out of the stirrups and dismount. 207 00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:13,279 Fiona, dismount. 208 00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:17,999 Now, don't forget your horse is far more important than you are. 209 00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:21,829 He's more valuable, too, so make sure he's comfortable first. 210 00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:23,518 Off you go. 211 00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:27,758 You're back early. 212 00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:30,360 I want to do some shopping before they close. 213 00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:32,914 Did you collect the money before we went out? 214 00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:35,918 - All here, Mrs Fforbes. - Thank you. I'll take it. 215 00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:39,558 Splendid. 216 00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:42,638 - Shall I take him? - I told you. I'm going shopping. 217 00:13:42,680 --> 00:13:44,637 I'l have my basket, too, thank you. 218 00:13:44,680 --> 00:13:47,638 - Same time tomorrow, Linda. - Very good, Mrs Fforbes. 219 00:13:47,680 --> 00:13:49,273 Bye. 220 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:55,673 Linda. 221 00:13:56,560 --> 00:13:58,631 Can we get that cleaned up? 222 00:13:58,680 --> 00:14:01,513 That pony trap? Hasn't been used for years. 223 00:14:01,560 --> 00:14:03,949 Then it's high time it was. 224 00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:24,440 - Is this yours? - No, it's Mrs Proctor'. 225 00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:28,269 - Are you the responsible driver? - I am riding it, yes. 226 00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:30,789 Good, cos I'm wondering where to stick this. 227 00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:34,913 Well, if you stick that on my horse, I shall report you to the RSPCA. 228 00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:38,032 - You have it, then. - I don't need a polythene bag. 229 00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:41,198 It's a parking ticket. You are in a pay-and-display area 230 00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:42,913 and you haven't done neither. 231 00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:44,394 I haven't done either 232 00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:47,751 for the very good reason that this is a horse, not a motorcar. 233 00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:50,713 It's a mode of transport and it's parked illegally. 234 00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:52,751 It is not parked. It is tethered. 235 00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:56,998 And in case you hadn't noticed, it has four legs, not four wheels. 236 00:14:57,040 --> 00:14:59,031 There's nothing to say I can't book it 237 00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:02,072 because it hasn't got a windscreen to stick a ticket on. 238 00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:05,511 Well, there's nothing to say you have to pay to park horses. 239 00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:07,790 D'you want me to have you towed away? 240 00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:10,480 Look, I'm trying to make your job easier. 241 00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:14,434 If we all used horses, we wouldn't need traffic wardens. 242 00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:16,790 No. We'd all be road-sweepers. 243 00:15:16,840 --> 00:15:20,231 To be honest, I'd rather handle a pencil and pad than a shovel. 244 00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:21,634 You have it. 245 00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:23,671 Are you coming out? 246 00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:25,791 Oh, it's you, Mrs Fforbes-Hamilton. 247 00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:28,150 - Er, yes. - Oh, good. 248 00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:31,556 I mean, yes, it's me. But no, I am not coming out. 249 00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:34,069 Not until this man takes back his ticket. 250 00:15:34,120 --> 00:15:36,111 Ticket? For a horse? 251 00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:38,674 It's an illegally parked horse, Reverend. 252 00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:41,234 It's not carrying a pay-and-display ticket. 253 00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:46,116 Ah. Well, do you think you could continue your discussion somewhere else? 254 00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:50,677 No, I am not moving from here until this stupid little man takes back his ticket. 255 00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:53,192 Go on, laugh. 256 00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:57,074 You don't seem to realise I am trying to preserve the environment. 257 00:15:57,120 --> 00:15:59,953 All you're doing is causing a traffic jam. 258 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:01,991 (Horns tooting, blaring) 259 00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:05,078 - I'm trying to park. - (Laughter) 260 00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:08,351 - (Horse whinnies) - Quiet! You're frightening the horse. 261 00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:10,994 I shall report you for causing an obstruction. 262 00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:12,713 I'M causing an obstruction? 263 00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:16,196 It's not me. It's all these filthy, stinking machines. 264 00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:18,754 And this is what I think of your ticket. 265 00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:20,791 - CROWD: Ooh! - Go on. Cheer. 266 00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:23,559 It's time somebody struck a blow for the horse. 267 00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:25,910 You'll need him when the oil wells run dry. 268 00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:29,919 - Are you coming out or not? - No, Rector, I am not. Not for a car. 269 00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:32,600 And when you've all lost the use of your legs, 270 00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:34,950 don't come running to me. 271 00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:41,313 And you! Stay away from my delphiniums! 272 00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:12,354 - Hello, Mother. Did you see that? - That crash landing? I saw it. 273 00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:14,710 It's the first time I've done it ON my own. 274 00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:17,593 Do you want to kill your old mother? 275 00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:19,631 How could I? You weren't there. 276 00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:25,834 But I have to watch every time you fry to land and try to take off. 277 00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:27,951 It's bad for my heart. 278 00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:31,755 Oh, don't be silly, Mother. 1 got caught in a crosswind, that's all. 279 00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:33,837 Are you staying for the weekend? 280 00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:36,474 Yes. Battersea heliport to here in 80 minutes. 281 00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:38,875 It used to take that long to get to Taunton. 282 00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:41,275 Oh, please let him get over it. 283 00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:43,596 Let him get it out of his system 284 00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:46,758 and become my Bedrich again. 285 00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:50,200 By the way, Mother, I've taken your advice. 286 00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:54,916 - I've bought a new car for Audrey. - Oh, good boy! 287 00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:57,918 Oh, she will be delighted. 288 00:17:57,960 --> 00:18:00,679 Well, I'm not so sure. I'l have to sow the seed. 289 00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:05,317 You know, emphasise the social value of beetle drives and meals on wheels. 290 00:18:05,360 --> 00:18:08,398 Er, make out that it's not so much a personal present, 291 00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:10,238 more of a gift to the community. 292 00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:12,317 When are you going to give it to her? 293 00:18:12,360 --> 00:18:14,670 It's being delivered Saturday lunchtime. 294 00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:17,519 I want it to be a surprise so I thought I'd take her out. 295 00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:20,120 - To the Old Coach? - Good Lord, no. 296 00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:22,913 It's very good. 12.50 for two. 297 00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:25,713 Yes, well, I want to make a special day of it, 298 00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:29,469 so what I thought I'd do is fly her over to Paris 299 00:18:29,520 --> 00:18:31,511 and lunch her at Maxim's. 300 00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:34,234 While we're away, they'll deliver the present, 301 00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:36,874 - s0 when we get back, there it is. - Oh! 302 00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:38,797 Good boy. Come on. 303 00:18:38,840 --> 00:18:41,639 Good boy. There we are. 304 00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:52,429 Yes, madam, I will ensure that she receives your message. 305 00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:54,676 Yes. Without fail, madam. 306 00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:56,552 Goodbye, madam. 307 00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:58,910 - Who was that? - Mrs Proctor, madam. 308 00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:02,191 She regrets that she won't be returning for a few more days. 309 00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:04,709 Could you hold the fort at the riding school? 310 00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:09,277 Certainly. They have a wonderful system there. Everyone pays in cash. 311 00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:14,999 (Snorting) 312 00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:23,953 Miss Frobisher, madam. 313 00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:26,230 What on earth have you got in your garage? 314 00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:28,999 - A tadpole. - It's a horse! 315 00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:31,031 If you could see that, why ask me? 316 00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:34,596 - Well, what's a horse doing in there? - It's parked. 317 00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:36,631 It's my new mode of transport. 318 00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:39,672 - You bought a horse? - No, it's one of Mrs Proctor's. 319 00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:41,711 But I've been going into it. 320 00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:43,558 Look... Oh, sit down. 321 00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:47,070 I can afford to pay for the repairs to the Rolls. 322 00:19:47,120 --> 00:19:50,670 But I can only afford to run the car if I don't actually use it. 323 00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:53,712 So...the obvious thing is to get a horse. 324 00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:56,912 Aud, do be practical. You can't use a horse all the time. 325 00:19:56,960 --> 00:19:58,758 They used to in the old days. 326 00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:01,235 But they didn't have meals on wheels then. 327 00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:05,478 True. I've often wondered why I felt guilty about meals on wheels. 328 00:20:05,520 --> 00:20:07,431 1 know. The food is disgraceful. 329 00:20:08,280 --> 00:20:10,920 No, it's not the meals. It's the wheels. 330 00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:13,873 Using up the earth's precious oil resources. 331 00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:17,800 But... Oh, Lord, it's Biggles. Quick, take the other end of this. 332 00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:20,719 - Come with me. - Why? Audrey, what are we doing? 333 00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:24,473 Hold this. 334 00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:29,838 Audrey. Can you spare a moment? 335 00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:32,076 This is my chance to have a word with him. 336 00:20:32,120 --> 00:20:33,349 What about? 337 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:37,712 The way he's destroying the quality of life with that obscene machine of his. 338 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:43,594 Richard, I want to have a serious talk with you. 339 00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:46,712 - Good. Tell me tomorrow at lunch. - Lunch? 340 00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:50,993 Yes. I'd like you to have lunch with me. I've got a table booked at Maxim's. 341 00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:53,156 Maxim's? In Taunton? 342 00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:56,880 - Paris. - Lunch in Paris? 343 00:20:56,920 --> 00:20:58,911 Oh, Richard, that's impossible. 344 00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:01,031 - It's possible in this. - In that? 345 00:21:01,080 --> 00:21:05,790 Mm. We could flip over to Paris, have lunch...and be back again by four. 346 00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:07,672 - Really? - Mm. What do you say? 347 00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:13,034 No, I'm sorry. I can't. I've got the riding school in the afternoon. 348 00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:15,469 - Can't you get out of it? -No, I need the m... 349 00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:20,469 Erm, I... I need to be there. Another time, perhaps. 350 00:21:20,520 --> 00:21:22,591 Erm, there can't be another time. 351 00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:24,517 - Why not? -Em... 352 00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:27,837 Because I want to have a serious talk with YOU. 353 00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:29,393 What about? 354 00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:32,831 I'll tell you tomorrow at lunch. At the Old Coach restaurant. 355 00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:35,110 - Mother says it's very good. - Lovely. 356 00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:37,959 I'll erm, meet you there about 1pm. 357 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:39,479 Right. 358 00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:06,231 Marjory, the blanket was meant for the flowers, not you! 359 00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:15,154 I have enjoyed my lunch, Richard. Thank you. 360 00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:17,316 Not quite Maxim's, I'm afraid. 361 00:22:17,360 --> 00:22:21,274 - Well, you couldn't expect it to be. - Not at £12.50 for two, no. 362 00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:25,952 You haven't said what you wanted to talk to me about yet. 363 00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:27,593 Your helicopter. 364 00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:29,836 I'll take you up in it any time you like. 365 00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:31,996 I don't want to go up in it. Ever. 366 00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:34,839 You didn't say that about going to Paris, did you? 367 00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:37,759 Well, that just shows how easily I can be seduced. 368 00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:42,838 I wasn't thinking of anything quite like that, Audrey. 369 00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:45,349 No, I meant seduced by advertising, 370 00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:48,950 by the power of the multinationals, pressure from the media. 371 00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:51,435 - What are you talking about? - Ecology. 372 00:22:51,480 --> 00:22:54,393 Gas-guzzling, energy-consuming people like you, 373 00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:56,750 with your helicopter and your Rolls. 374 00:22:56,800 --> 00:22:58,199 What about YOUR Rolls? 375 00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:01,232 There was only one thing wrong with it. It used petrol. 376 00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:05,797 Well, hardly any form of transport doesn't use oil in some form or another. 377 00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:08,559 Exactly. All the problems in the world today 378 00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:11,672 - are caused solely by oil. Take Persia. - Iran. 379 00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:13,996 Iran, then. They wouldn't have problems 380 00:23:14,040 --> 00:23:17,431 if the place wasn't full of little Persians drilling for oil. 381 00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:22,031 - They should stick to making carpets. - But we live in an oil-based economy. 382 00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:24,754 It's doomed, Richard. I realised it was all over 383 00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:27,599 when they introduced self-service petrol pumps 384 00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:29,790 and the AA men stopped saluting. 385 00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:34,469 The misery the motorcar's subjected us to. I've finished with them. 386 00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:38,639 1 tell you, if somebody came to me and offered me a brand-new one on a plate 387 00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:41,399 I'd tell them exactly what to do with it. 388 00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:47,554 Audrey, you're really... terribly attractive when you're angry. 389 00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:53,720 But surely you need a car. What about your meals on wheels? 390 00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:55,751 Oh, I've got wheels. 391 00:23:57,800 --> 00:23:59,473 That was lovely. Thank you. 392 00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:02,512 My pleasure. I'll give you a lift to the riding school. 393 00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:04,551 No, I'll give YOU a lift. 394 00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:07,160 Good boy. Lunch is over. Thank you. 395 00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:09,991 Come on. In you get. 396 00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:15,629 John. Follow this cab. 397 00:24:19,120 --> 00:24:21,555 Right, fasten your seatbelt. Walk on. 398 00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:49,880 This is the way to travel. We're getting about as nature intended. (Chuckles) 399 00:24:54,880 --> 00:24:56,518 (Roll of thunder) 400 00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:05,358 All right, Richard! 401 00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:16,429 Whoa. Stand. Stand still. Can I drop you here? 402 00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:18,232 Yes. Fine. Thank you. 403 00:25:18,280 --> 00:25:22,194 - Oh, Lord, who's that? - Er... nobody. 404 00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:25,949 - No, I mean whose car is that? - Er, i's... Er, it's mine. 405 00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:28,230 But you've got a Rolls and a helicopter. 406 00:25:28,280 --> 00:25:30,954 Yes. Er, I... I bought it for a member of the staff 407 00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:33,640 and they must have delivered it here by mistake. 408 00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:36,115 Will you move it? It's going to be in my way. 409 00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:38,071 (Hurt) All right. Awfully sorry. 410 00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:41,838 - Thanks for a lovely lunch. - Thanks for the lift. 411 00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:44,440 Bye. Walk on. Good boy. 412 00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:47,914 Bye. 413 00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:00,278 (Sneezes) 414 00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:15,276 For sale, one Mini Metro. 415 00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:21,195 Coffee, Brabinger. I suppose it's a bit early for a drink. 416 00:26:21,240 --> 00:26:22,639 Scotch. 417 00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:25,357 Scotch, Brabinger? 418 00:26:26,240 --> 00:26:28,356 Well, how did it happen? 419 00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:31,119 Level-crossing gates. Went slap into them. 420 00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:33,754 What a shame. So you didn't have a clear round? 421 00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:36,519 What are you talking about? I was in my car. 422 00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:41,316 - Oh, I see. I thought you were riding. - Horse would have jumped ‘em. 423 00:26:41,360 --> 00:26:44,910 - Car went straight through. - Horses are much more sensible. 424 00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:47,349 Reminds me. Why is my horse in your garage? 425 00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:49,596 And what are you doing with my pony trap? 426 00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:52,678 I'm trying an experiment - living without a motorcar. 427 00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:55,553 - Where's your Rolls? - I've erm...given it up. 428 00:26:56,160 --> 00:26:58,549 What about the old things' seaside outing? 429 00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:01,399 - Oh, I'l manage. - You'd better. I can't drive. 430 00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:05,070 And my car's a write-off. Can't cope without your Rolls, Fforbes. 431 00:27:05,120 --> 00:27:07,839 - You promised to take five. - I won't let you down. 432 00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:11,673 Don't know what we'd do without chaps like you and me. 433 00:27:11,720 --> 00:27:14,473 - Noblesse oblige. - Absolutely. 434 00:27:15,360 --> 00:27:18,273 - Right, well, leave it to you, then. - Coffee, madam. 435 00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:26,150 - I'm just off to London, Mother. - In that new toy of yours? 436 00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:28,840 Of course. Where are you going? 437 00:27:29,520 --> 00:27:31,909 To the seaside with the old people's club. 438 00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:34,315 - Ah. - Audrey's picking me up. 439 00:27:34,360 --> 00:27:37,478 - What in? - Well, her car, I suppose. 440 00:27:37,520 --> 00:27:40,831 - She's given up her car. - Well, she must have got it back. 441 00:27:41,880 --> 00:27:44,713 Perhaps she'll take you in that little buggy. 442 00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:46,910 I should think it most unlikely. 443 00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:49,156 She's taking five of us. 444 00:27:50,320 --> 00:27:53,039 She really is the most frightful hypocrite. 445 00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:57,438 She lectures me about pollution and energy consumption 446 00:27:57,480 --> 00:28:00,393 and she's still driving around in that Rolls of hers. 447 00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:02,909 I don't know how she dares. The damn woman. 448 00:28:02,960 --> 00:28:04,758 - Bedrich. - Hello. All ready? 449 00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:07,679 Oh, yes. Just my coat, my dear. 450 00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:11,554 - Hello, Richard. - Audrey, you're thoroughly two-faced. 451 00:28:11,600 --> 00:28:14,319 Bedrich, that is no way to speak to someone 452 00:28:14,360 --> 00:28:16,510 who is kindly taking your mother out. 453 00:28:16,560 --> 00:28:19,074 One minute you're going on in high moral tones 454 00:28:19,120 --> 00:28:21,680 about energy-consuming people like me 455 00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:26,032 and the next minute you're ferrying old dears around at ten miles to the gallon, 456 00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:28,879 belching out lead and monoxide all over the place. 457 00:28:28,920 --> 00:28:31,514 - You can't have it both ways. - Oh, I know that. 458 00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:33,631 What have you got to say for yourself? 459 00:28:33,680 --> 00:28:38,072 You're really rather attractive when you're angry. Come on, Mrs Poo. 460 00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:41,997 Why don't you join us? I'm sure you'll enjoy yourself. 461 00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:49,671 Your carriage awaits.