1 00:03:09,775 --> 00:03:13,820 [APPLAUSE] 2 00:03:16,907 --> 00:03:19,743 [WOMAN] Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce 3 00:03:19,826 --> 00:03:21,745 a legend in our industry. 4 00:03:22,496 --> 00:03:26,041 She's the most successful president in the history of our network 5 00:03:26,124 --> 00:03:30,128 and, for the past five years, has kept us at the very top of the ratings. 6 00:03:30,796 --> 00:03:33,090 She's our maverick, our wild card, 7 00:03:33,173 --> 00:03:36,176 and today she's going to take us right to the edge. 8 00:03:36,259 --> 00:03:38,970 Please welcome a giant, a genius 9 00:03:39,054 --> 00:03:42,265 and the hardest-working person in television, 10 00:03:42,349 --> 00:03:45,727 - Joanna Eberhart! - [CHEERING, APPLAUSE] 11 00:03:55,404 --> 00:03:58,281 Thank you all so much! 12 00:03:58,365 --> 00:03:59,741 Thank you! 13 00:04:00,659 --> 00:04:04,079 - [CROWD] Joanna! - That feels good. 14 00:04:04,162 --> 00:04:07,332 Especially coming from such a fantastic group of people 15 00:04:07,416 --> 00:04:10,710 from all across our great nation, our network affiliates. 16 00:04:10,794 --> 00:04:12,796 Give yourselves a great big hand. 17 00:04:12,879 --> 00:04:15,090 You deserve it! 18 00:04:16,466 --> 00:04:19,594 I want a big, fat Christmas bonus! 19 00:04:19,678 --> 00:04:22,347 Just kidding. But not really, because... 20 00:04:22,431 --> 00:04:24,307 I am so excited, I am so on fire, 21 00:04:24,391 --> 00:04:28,061 I am so guts-and-glory passionate about what I am about to show you. 22 00:04:28,145 --> 00:04:30,480 So get ready, because on Monday nights, 23 00:04:30,564 --> 00:04:34,526 the whole world will be watching a man, a woman and a buzzer. 24 00:04:34,609 --> 00:04:36,945 [APPLAUSE] 25 00:04:43,118 --> 00:04:46,455 Are you ready for the final gender challenge? 26 00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:50,959 - Who makes more money? - I do. 27 00:04:51,042 --> 00:04:53,920 Who enters Ironman triathlons every year and wins? 28 00:04:54,004 --> 00:04:55,130 I do. 29 00:04:55,213 --> 00:04:58,049 Who wishes they were married to a sexy lesbian? 30 00:04:58,133 --> 00:04:59,593 - I do. - I do. 31 00:04:59,676 --> 00:05:00,886 It's Tara! 32 00:05:08,977 --> 00:05:10,604 And... 33 00:05:11,438 --> 00:05:13,231 on Thursdays... 34 00:05:13,315 --> 00:05:15,942 No, this is not just a TV show. 35 00:05:16,026 --> 00:05:19,321 No, this is a breakthrough, breakout, break-all-the-rules, 36 00:05:19,404 --> 00:05:21,364 bring-on-the-Emmys mega-smash! 37 00:05:21,448 --> 00:05:23,867 - [CHEERS] - Yes! 38 00:05:24,659 --> 00:05:29,164 Can I present to you this planet's ultimate reality phenomenon? 39 00:05:29,247 --> 00:05:31,917 I Can Do Better. 40 00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:33,877 [APPLAUSE] 41 00:05:44,554 --> 00:05:47,599 [JOANNA] We will be right there as happily married couples 42 00:05:47,682 --> 00:05:51,061 are flown first class to a tropical island paradise, 43 00:05:51,144 --> 00:05:55,106 where they will be completely surrounded by professional prostitutes. 44 00:05:55,190 --> 00:05:59,277 And at the end of the week... Well, let's take a peek. 45 00:06:00,070 --> 00:06:03,240 It's been a week and Hank, our personnel manager from Omaha, 46 00:06:03,323 --> 00:06:05,992 has spent the entire seven days with Vanessa, 47 00:06:06,076 --> 00:06:08,036 a call girl and exotic dancer. 48 00:06:08,119 --> 00:06:09,829 Yeah, it's been amazing. 49 00:06:09,913 --> 00:06:14,334 And I'll admit we've had some fun in the hot tub and all. 50 00:06:14,417 --> 00:06:18,046 But do you want to know something? All we did was talk. 51 00:06:18,838 --> 00:06:20,131 Because I love my wife. 52 00:06:20,215 --> 00:06:24,844 And the only place I want to be is back in Omaha with my Barbara. 53 00:06:26,346 --> 00:06:28,223 Tough break, Nessa. 54 00:06:28,306 --> 00:06:32,894 Barbara, you spent Monday with Rocky, our bodybuilder and male escort, 55 00:06:32,978 --> 00:06:37,941 Tuesday through Thursday with the entire cast of the Triple X film Hung Jury, 56 00:06:38,024 --> 00:06:41,611 and you spent the entire weekend with Tonkiro. 57 00:06:48,702 --> 00:06:52,622 Now it's time for the final decision. Barbara, it's yours to make. 58 00:06:52,706 --> 00:06:54,541 Is it gonna be Omaha? 59 00:06:57,127 --> 00:06:59,087 Or Omahunks? 60 00:06:59,170 --> 00:07:00,755 Well... 61 00:07:01,965 --> 00:07:05,302 Before I came on this show, I only had sex with one man, 62 00:07:05,385 --> 00:07:07,053 and that was usually Hank. 63 00:07:07,137 --> 00:07:11,433 I love Hank deeply and forever with all my heart, 64 00:07:11,516 --> 00:07:13,727 and I would never do anything to hurt him. 65 00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:17,272 But I can do better! 66 00:07:17,355 --> 00:07:19,441 [CHEERING] 67 00:07:24,904 --> 00:07:28,950 The battle of the sexes! As old as time but as current... 68 00:07:29,034 --> 00:07:30,452 [MAN] Why? 69 00:07:30,535 --> 00:07:33,788 Uh, excuse me? 70 00:07:33,872 --> 00:07:35,290 Why did you do it? 71 00:07:35,373 --> 00:07:39,085 Oh, my God! It's Hank from I Can Do Better. 72 00:07:39,169 --> 00:07:41,046 Hank, everyone! 73 00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:47,802 No, stop it! 74 00:07:48,678 --> 00:07:52,349 I love Barbara. I had a family. I had a life. 75 00:07:53,058 --> 00:07:55,894 Hank, I know it hurts. 76 00:07:56,645 --> 00:07:58,480 Love isn't easy. 77 00:07:58,563 --> 00:08:03,109 Relationships aren't easy, not for anyone. 78 00:08:03,193 --> 00:08:06,655 But now you know the truth about Barbara. 79 00:08:06,738 --> 00:08:11,743 You are gonna move on with your life and you're gonna meet someone wonderful, 80 00:08:11,826 --> 00:08:14,162 and America is gonna love you. 81 00:08:14,245 --> 00:08:17,165 - [WOMAN] Yes. - [CHEERING, APPLAUSE] 82 00:08:18,917 --> 00:08:20,960 [WOMAN] Whoo! 83 00:08:23,546 --> 00:08:27,509 Yeah. I got a great idea for another hot new show. 84 00:08:27,592 --> 00:08:30,679 - [JOANNA] Tell it to us. - It's called... 85 00:08:30,762 --> 00:08:33,306 - Let's Kill All The Women. - [WOMAN] He's got a gun! 86 00:08:33,390 --> 00:08:34,891 Oh, my God! 87 00:08:34,974 --> 00:08:37,185 - [SCREAMING] - [SHATTERING] 88 00:08:42,148 --> 00:08:44,984 - Oh. - Joanna, are you all right? 89 00:08:45,068 --> 00:08:49,114 I am great, raring to go. The police were sensational. 90 00:08:49,197 --> 00:08:52,283 - And not a scratch. [CHUCKLES] - You haven't heard. 91 00:08:52,367 --> 00:08:54,077 About what? 92 00:08:57,455 --> 00:08:59,207 - That man Hank. - [SIGHS] 93 00:08:59,290 --> 00:09:02,836 Right before he tried to kill you, he went to see his ex-wife 94 00:09:02,919 --> 00:09:05,171 and five of her new boyfriends. 95 00:09:05,255 --> 00:09:07,799 - He did? - He shot all of them. 96 00:09:07,882 --> 00:09:11,344 The wife is in critical condition and four guys are on life-support. 97 00:09:11,428 --> 00:09:13,054 - Tonkiro? - He's fine. 98 00:09:13,138 --> 00:09:16,307 - Thank God. - So you know what this means. 99 00:09:17,726 --> 00:09:19,144 Of course. 100 00:09:19,227 --> 00:09:21,855 We pay for their medical treatment, every penny, 101 00:09:21,938 --> 00:09:26,651 we get them the very best therapists, childcare, rehab, whatever they need. 102 00:09:26,735 --> 00:09:30,113 We fly them to New York, first class, for a prime time special: 103 00:09:30,196 --> 00:09:32,532 Hank and Barbara: Let The Healing Begin. 104 00:09:33,742 --> 00:09:36,870 You're not listening. We can't wear this. 105 00:09:36,953 --> 00:09:39,289 The lawsuits alone may bankrupt the network. 106 00:09:39,372 --> 00:09:42,751 All your new shows, the whole lineup, the affiliates won't touch them. 107 00:09:43,918 --> 00:09:45,128 We have shareholders. 108 00:09:46,171 --> 00:09:48,798 We can't let you sink the network. 109 00:09:51,259 --> 00:09:53,178 But we wish you only the best. 110 00:10:25,084 --> 00:10:26,544 Of course. 111 00:10:29,839 --> 00:10:33,718 Thank you for being so classy and taking this so well. 112 00:11:00,245 --> 00:11:03,581 Joanna, we just wanted to say that this is so not fair. 113 00:11:06,584 --> 00:11:08,002 [ELEVATOR DINGS] 114 00:11:09,546 --> 00:11:11,589 Goodbye, everybody! 115 00:11:12,590 --> 00:11:14,384 All the best! 116 00:11:18,596 --> 00:11:23,685 [SCREAMS] 117 00:11:24,769 --> 00:11:26,729 [RAINFALL] 118 00:11:43,663 --> 00:11:45,206 - Jo. - Hmm? 119 00:11:47,417 --> 00:11:49,210 Ah, Walter. 120 00:11:50,086 --> 00:11:53,089 - What happened? - Well... 121 00:11:53,882 --> 00:11:56,885 - You had a complete nervous collapse. - Oh. 122 00:11:56,968 --> 00:12:01,139 The doctors say there's a lot of work to do, but you're going to be just fine. 123 00:12:02,181 --> 00:12:04,893 And Pete made this for you. 124 00:12:07,186 --> 00:12:10,315 - Ah, that's so sweet. - Isn't it? 125 00:12:10,398 --> 00:12:13,735 And I wanted you to know that, the minute I heard the news, 126 00:12:13,818 --> 00:12:16,195 I called the network and I quit. 127 00:12:17,071 --> 00:12:20,617 - You did that for me? - Of course. 128 00:12:20,700 --> 00:12:22,952 I know I was only a vice president, 129 00:12:23,703 --> 00:12:25,663 but I could never work for those people. 130 00:12:26,414 --> 00:12:28,833 Not after the way they treated you. 131 00:12:30,752 --> 00:12:34,714 - Walter. - Do you remember what today is? 132 00:12:35,798 --> 00:12:37,133 It's our anniversary. 133 00:12:39,010 --> 00:12:42,347 Oh, Walter. 134 00:12:44,724 --> 00:12:47,685 I'm so sorry. 135 00:12:47,769 --> 00:12:51,397 Maybe that man who tried to shoot me, maybe he was right. 136 00:12:51,481 --> 00:12:53,816 Maybe I've become the wrong kind of woman. 137 00:12:53,900 --> 00:12:56,194 Maybe I've made all of the wrong decisions. 138 00:12:57,946 --> 00:13:01,324 Could we get away and start over? 139 00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:05,119 And get it right, our marriage? 140 00:13:12,377 --> 00:13:15,254 - But why are we moving? - To Connecticut? 141 00:13:15,338 --> 00:13:17,882 We're moving so we can all kick back 142 00:13:17,966 --> 00:13:21,094 and have a great new life in this beautiful new town. 143 00:13:28,101 --> 00:13:30,979 [BIRDS CHIRPING] 144 00:13:38,111 --> 00:13:39,737 - Name? - Kresby. 145 00:13:40,655 --> 00:13:42,657 - Welcome to Stepford. - Thanks. 146 00:14:26,743 --> 00:14:30,788 - What do you think, guys? - Good. 147 00:14:30,872 --> 00:14:31,972 Honey? 148 00:14:39,213 --> 00:14:44,093 Hello, everyone. I'm Mrs. Wellington. 149 00:14:44,177 --> 00:14:46,220 Welcome to Stepford. 150 00:14:46,304 --> 00:14:48,848 I'm with Stepford Realty. We spoke on the phone. 151 00:14:48,931 --> 00:14:51,934 - You must be Walter. - So nice to meet you in person. 152 00:14:52,018 --> 00:14:55,188 And the little ones. I bet you're Pete. 153 00:14:55,271 --> 00:14:57,565 - Duh. - Pete. 154 00:14:57,648 --> 00:15:01,569 - He's every bit as handsome as his dad. - Thank you. 155 00:15:01,652 --> 00:15:05,031 Kimberly! Aren't you just the cutest little bug's ear? 156 00:15:05,114 --> 00:15:07,075 Bugs don't have ears. 157 00:15:07,158 --> 00:15:10,745 Isn't she sassy? And a little sad. 158 00:15:11,579 --> 00:15:14,207 And this must be Joanna. 159 00:15:14,290 --> 00:15:17,168 - Electroshock? - But she's doing great. 160 00:15:18,044 --> 00:15:20,421 Hello, little Energizer. 161 00:15:21,339 --> 00:15:26,052 The minute Walter called, I knew this was the perfect house for you. 162 00:15:26,135 --> 00:15:29,347 It's the top of the line, here at Stepford Estates, 163 00:15:29,430 --> 00:15:32,892 and it's got everything an American family could ever need. 164 00:15:32,975 --> 00:15:36,270 - And may I present to you... - [KIMBERLY] Look at this! 165 00:15:37,188 --> 00:15:39,273 - This is amazing! - ...the Great Room. 166 00:15:39,357 --> 00:15:41,359 I call it cozy. 167 00:15:42,652 --> 00:15:44,904 And it's also a smart house. 168 00:15:44,987 --> 00:15:47,990 Now, this controls the security system. 169 00:15:51,953 --> 00:15:55,832 - [COMPUTER] All secure. - It talks to the refrigerator. 170 00:15:55,915 --> 00:16:00,628 [COMPUTER] We need juice. 171 00:16:00,711 --> 00:16:03,631 The system also monitors all the commodes, 172 00:16:03,714 --> 00:16:07,176 where it will test your urine for blood sugar, protein and body fat. 173 00:16:07,844 --> 00:16:11,013 - [COMPUTER] Flush toilets. - [TOILETS FLUSHING] 174 00:16:11,097 --> 00:16:12,640 Isn't that great, kids? 175 00:16:12,723 --> 00:16:14,934 - I'm gonna go check my room! - Me, too! 176 00:16:16,185 --> 00:16:17,285 [CHUCKLES] 177 00:16:17,353 --> 00:16:19,939 - Now, Walter, will you be commuting? - No. 178 00:16:21,816 --> 00:16:24,944 No. Joanna and I both left the network. 179 00:16:25,027 --> 00:16:27,572 - [BARKING] - [MRS. WELLINGTON] Look, the puppy. 180 00:16:27,655 --> 00:16:30,575 Robo Rover 3000. Come on, boy, come on! 181 00:16:30,658 --> 00:16:31,951 Come on, come on! 182 00:16:38,207 --> 00:16:40,543 - [LAUGHING] - [BARKING] 183 00:16:40,626 --> 00:16:43,629 - [CRICKETS CHIRPING] - [FROGS CROAKING] 184 00:17:02,899 --> 00:17:05,818 [BIRDS CHIRPING] 185 00:17:49,111 --> 00:17:51,447 - [CAR HORN HONKING] - [MRS. WELLINGTON] Joanna! 186 00:17:51,530 --> 00:17:54,325 The town is over 200 years old. 187 00:17:54,408 --> 00:17:58,079 It was founded by George Washington, and Martha just loved it. 188 00:17:58,829 --> 00:18:01,040 Stepford is Connecticut's family paradise. 189 00:18:01,123 --> 00:18:04,418 It has no crime, no poverty and no pushing. 190 00:18:07,922 --> 00:18:10,633 What is that? Up on the hill? 191 00:18:10,716 --> 00:18:13,678 That's our Stepford Men's Association, 192 00:18:13,761 --> 00:18:17,390 where all our wonderful guys can get together and stay out of our hair. 193 00:18:18,516 --> 00:18:20,685 Am I right? 194 00:18:20,768 --> 00:18:24,689 - Where do the women go? - To the Simply Stepford Day Spa. 195 00:18:36,575 --> 00:18:39,161 Good morning, ladies. 196 00:18:39,245 --> 00:18:41,163 [ALL] Good morning, Claire. 197 00:18:41,247 --> 00:18:45,835 I would like you all to welcome our newest citizen to Stepford. 198 00:18:45,918 --> 00:18:49,130 - Joanna. - [ALL] Good morning, Joanna. 199 00:18:51,090 --> 00:18:55,469 - Are we ready to work out? - [ALL] Oh, yes! 200 00:18:55,553 --> 00:18:58,389 Places and poles, please. 201 00:19:06,856 --> 00:19:09,066 Wait. You work out dressed like this? 202 00:19:09,817 --> 00:19:12,153 Well, of course. 203 00:19:12,236 --> 00:19:15,948 Whatever we do, we always want to look our very best. 204 00:19:16,032 --> 00:19:19,952 I mean, why, imagine if our husbands saw us 205 00:19:20,036 --> 00:19:22,204 in worn, dark, urban sweat clothes, 206 00:19:22,288 --> 00:19:25,624 with stringy hair and almost no makeup. 207 00:19:25,708 --> 00:19:27,293 [WOMAN] Oh, good heavens. 208 00:19:27,376 --> 00:19:32,006 Now, today you are in for a special treat. 209 00:19:32,089 --> 00:19:36,260 Because we are working on a series of exercises which I personally invented, 210 00:19:36,344 --> 00:19:38,721 based on simple, household tasks. 211 00:19:38,804 --> 00:19:40,848 I call my program Claireobics. 212 00:19:40,931 --> 00:19:42,975 Because her name is Claire. 213 00:19:44,727 --> 00:19:47,938 All right, now it's time to slim and scrub. 214 00:19:48,022 --> 00:19:51,192 - [UPBEAT MUSIC BEGINS] - Let's all be washing machines. 215 00:19:51,275 --> 00:19:52,610 And... 216 00:19:52,693 --> 00:19:54,612 ♪ Chuga, chuga, chuga Chuga, chuga, chuga ♪ 217 00:19:54,695 --> 00:19:57,406 ♪ Chuga, chuga, chuga Chuga, chuga, chuga ♪ 218 00:19:57,490 --> 00:19:59,825 ♪ Chuga, chuga, chuga Chuga, chuga, chuga ♪ 219 00:19:59,909 --> 00:20:02,078 ♪ Chuga, chuga, chuga Chuga, chuga, chuga ♪ 220 00:20:02,161 --> 00:20:04,372 Come on, Joanna! 221 00:20:05,039 --> 00:20:08,626 Spin cycle, ladies. And... whoosh! 222 00:20:08,709 --> 00:20:11,045 And... whoosh! 223 00:20:11,128 --> 00:20:12,228 And... whoosh! 224 00:20:12,296 --> 00:20:13,839 And... whoosh! 225 00:20:19,804 --> 00:20:21,138 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. 226 00:20:21,222 --> 00:20:23,391 - Who's the man? - You the man. You the man. 227 00:21:05,641 --> 00:21:07,768 - [MAN 1] Walter? - [MAN 2] How're you? 228 00:21:07,852 --> 00:21:09,895 - Walter Kresby. - Good to see you. 229 00:21:09,979 --> 00:21:12,731 I'm Stan Peters. Come in. Mike said you were coming... 230 00:21:12,815 --> 00:21:14,984 [INDISTINCT CHATTER] 231 00:21:16,652 --> 00:21:19,572 [MAN ON LOUDSPEAKER] Hear ye, hear ye! Come one, come all. 232 00:21:19,655 --> 00:21:21,991 And happy Fourth of July. 233 00:21:22,074 --> 00:21:26,036 At 1:30 will be the children's Stars and Stripes face-painting... 234 00:21:26,120 --> 00:21:27,246 [WALTER] Isn't this great? 235 00:21:27,329 --> 00:21:31,208 A real, old-fashioned town picnic. You can't get this in Manhattan. 236 00:21:31,292 --> 00:21:33,419 Which is why we're gonna stay ten minutes, 237 00:21:33,502 --> 00:21:35,463 make an appearance and get out of here. 238 00:21:35,546 --> 00:21:39,925 Kids, I'm really sorry about this, but let's try and have fun. 239 00:21:40,009 --> 00:21:42,261 - Mom, it's a picnic. - Chill. 240 00:21:42,344 --> 00:21:44,221 Go ahead, have fun. 241 00:21:45,097 --> 00:21:48,184 - Ten minutes? - Walter, you just don't get it. 242 00:21:48,267 --> 00:21:51,061 These women are deranged, flight attendant-friendly. 243 00:21:51,145 --> 00:21:53,147 - They're gonna be all over me. - [WOMAN] Joanna! 244 00:21:54,607 --> 00:21:56,525 Here we go. 245 00:21:56,609 --> 00:21:58,986 - Hi, Joanna... - Hi. 246 00:22:01,197 --> 00:22:04,158 - Hi, Walter. - Hi. 247 00:22:04,241 --> 00:22:07,244 - You look great. - I love you in khakis. 248 00:22:08,537 --> 00:22:11,707 They're new. A little experiment. 249 00:22:11,790 --> 00:22:14,460 Now I know why they call it Banana Republic. 250 00:22:14,543 --> 00:22:16,337 [ALL GIGGLING] 251 00:22:16,420 --> 00:22:20,424 [WOMAN] Excuse me! Excuse me. Excuse me, ladies. 252 00:22:20,508 --> 00:22:22,843 Excuse me. Excuse me. 253 00:22:22,927 --> 00:22:24,762 Excuse me. 254 00:22:24,845 --> 00:22:26,805 Excuse me! 255 00:22:26,889 --> 00:22:29,934 Am I the only one who finds all of this disturbing? 256 00:22:30,017 --> 00:22:33,687 We are celebrating our nation's birthday. But there are no African-Americans, 257 00:22:33,771 --> 00:22:36,106 no Native-Americans, no Asian-Americans... 258 00:22:36,190 --> 00:22:39,193 Oh, my God! Hey. 259 00:22:39,276 --> 00:22:42,571 You're Joanna Eberhart. You got such a raw deal. 260 00:22:42,655 --> 00:22:45,407 Aren't you Bobbie Markowitz? I love your books. 261 00:22:45,491 --> 00:22:48,953 Especially the last one, about your relationship with your mother. 262 00:22:49,036 --> 00:22:51,705 - I Love You, But Please Die. - [MAN] Hey, baby. 263 00:22:51,789 --> 00:22:54,542 Baby, look what I did. Look. 264 00:22:54,625 --> 00:22:56,502 [WHISTLES] 265 00:22:56,585 --> 00:22:59,505 Happy Fourth of July, everybody. 266 00:22:59,588 --> 00:23:02,883 - Excuse me. Is this guy bothering you? - Yes, he's my husband. 267 00:23:02,967 --> 00:23:05,803 - Hey, Kresbo-man. - Hey, Dave. 268 00:23:05,886 --> 00:23:07,972 - How do you know each other? - Men's Association. 269 00:23:08,055 --> 00:23:09,265 That place. 270 00:23:09,348 --> 00:23:11,559 - Finish the laundry? - I finished a chapter. 271 00:23:11,642 --> 00:23:13,477 - Did you make sandwiches? - Did you? 272 00:23:13,561 --> 00:23:15,396 - Where are the kids? - What kids? 273 00:23:15,479 --> 00:23:17,731 - Are you two okay? - [BOTH] We're fine. 274 00:23:17,815 --> 00:23:20,526 - Come on, I need a cookie. - See what I mean? 275 00:23:20,609 --> 00:23:23,571 Jerry, it's a bake sale. An actual bake sale. 276 00:23:23,654 --> 00:23:26,865 It's like some sort of heavenly diorama at the Smithsonian, 277 00:23:26,949 --> 00:23:28,867 in the Hall of Homemakers. 278 00:23:28,951 --> 00:23:30,578 Oh, no. Stop it. 279 00:23:30,661 --> 00:23:32,830 Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! 280 00:23:32,913 --> 00:23:35,249 - That is not cobbler! - Roger... 281 00:23:35,332 --> 00:23:37,668 Could we reel it in a couple of hundred yards? 282 00:23:37,751 --> 00:23:39,336 How do you keep your figures? 283 00:23:39,420 --> 00:23:42,756 Is there a huge vat of cobbler vomit somewhere? But worth it? 284 00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:44,550 - Roger? - I'm sorry. 285 00:23:44,633 --> 00:23:46,802 - That is... - It's fabulous. 286 00:23:46,885 --> 00:23:50,472 - Jerry thinks that I overdo everything. - [JOANNA] Excuse me. 287 00:23:50,556 --> 00:23:55,144 - Aren't you Roger Bannister? - The amazing architect, from The Times? 288 00:23:55,227 --> 00:23:58,439 - Thank you. This is Jerry Harmon. - Corporate attorney. 289 00:23:58,522 --> 00:24:01,191 - But he's getting the help he needs. - Stop it. 290 00:24:01,275 --> 00:24:03,277 - We're new. - Oh, my God. Joanna Eberhart. 291 00:24:03,360 --> 00:24:05,904 - I love the shows. - Thank you. 292 00:24:05,988 --> 00:24:08,949 And Bobbie Markowitz. Love the books. 293 00:24:09,033 --> 00:24:11,577 How did this happen? Where did you come from? 294 00:24:11,660 --> 00:24:14,788 I mean, right here in Stepford: people! 295 00:24:16,081 --> 00:24:20,210 Attention! Fourth of July funsters! 296 00:24:20,294 --> 00:24:22,129 Grab your partners, 297 00:24:22,212 --> 00:24:27,718 'cause it's time for some sizzling Stepford square dancing! So come on in! 298 00:24:27,801 --> 00:24:30,054 - A square dance? - Cowgirls? 299 00:24:30,137 --> 00:24:32,014 - We're in hell. - Yeah. 300 00:24:32,097 --> 00:24:33,515 - Come on, Bobbie. - Oh, Dave... 301 00:24:33,599 --> 00:24:36,268 [FIDDLES PLAYING] 302 00:24:44,777 --> 00:24:47,363 - Howdy! - [ALL] Howdy! 303 00:24:47,446 --> 00:24:49,406 Is everyone ready to kick up your heels 304 00:24:49,490 --> 00:24:52,201 for some barn-bustin' Stepford high steppin'? 305 00:24:52,284 --> 00:24:54,453 [ALL] Yeah! 306 00:24:54,536 --> 00:24:55,871 Okay. 307 00:24:55,954 --> 00:24:58,415 ♪ Bow to your partners, lose your cares ♪ 308 00:25:01,835 --> 00:25:04,880 ♪ Stepford stallions love their mares ♪ 309 00:25:06,632 --> 00:25:09,259 ♪ Alamen left, alamen right ♪ 310 00:25:10,803 --> 00:25:13,013 ♪ Rope that filly, she won't bite ♪ 311 00:25:15,224 --> 00:25:17,518 ♪ All join hands and circle sweet ♪ 312 00:25:18,977 --> 00:25:21,397 ♪ Please your cowboy with your feet ♪ 313 00:25:23,148 --> 00:25:26,068 [HOOTING, HOLLERING] 314 00:25:28,529 --> 00:25:29,530 Ya-hoo! 315 00:25:29,613 --> 00:25:32,241 - Nice shirt, Stan! - Thanks. 316 00:25:44,002 --> 00:25:47,339 - Ya-hoo! - [MAN] Yee-haw! 317 00:25:55,889 --> 00:25:57,224 Yippee-ky-ay. 318 00:25:57,307 --> 00:25:59,935 Yippee-ky-ay, yippee-ky-ay. 319 00:26:00,018 --> 00:26:02,020 - Yippee-ky-ay. - Honey... 320 00:26:02,104 --> 00:26:04,231 - Calm down, baby. - Yippee-ky-ay. 321 00:26:04,314 --> 00:26:06,734 Do-si-do, do-si-do. Do-si-do, do-si-do. 322 00:26:06,817 --> 00:26:08,402 - Back up, guys. - Do-si-do, do-si-do. 323 00:26:10,362 --> 00:26:11,363 [HEAVY THUD] 324 00:26:11,447 --> 00:26:14,825 - Jesus! - Do-si-do, do-si-do. 325 00:26:14,908 --> 00:26:16,994 Excuse me. Excuse me. 326 00:26:17,870 --> 00:26:20,372 - [MAN] It's okay. - Excuse me! 327 00:26:21,457 --> 00:26:24,668 Right, okay. Don't try to move her, make sure her windpipe is clear... 328 00:26:24,752 --> 00:26:27,588 - She's drunk. - She's blonde. 329 00:26:27,671 --> 00:26:28,831 [WALTER] You're not a doctor. 330 00:26:29,006 --> 00:26:30,674 [JOANNA] I can take care of this. 331 00:26:30,758 --> 00:26:32,718 - I ran a network. - [WALTER] Somebody call 911? 332 00:26:32,801 --> 00:26:34,303 - [MAN 1] Mike's here. - [MAN 2] Mike. 333 00:26:35,679 --> 00:26:41,185 - Mike! - [REPEATING] Do-si-do, do-si-do. 334 00:26:41,268 --> 00:26:43,228 - [WALTER] Mike. - It's okay. I'm here. 335 00:26:43,312 --> 00:26:44,897 Walt, the missus. 336 00:26:44,980 --> 00:26:46,732 - Jo. - The missus? 337 00:26:46,815 --> 00:26:49,318 Walter, what is your problem? 338 00:26:50,402 --> 00:26:52,613 I'm... Hey! 339 00:26:52,696 --> 00:26:54,782 [JOANNA] Uh, excuse... 340 00:26:55,616 --> 00:26:57,075 [JOANNA STAMMERING] 341 00:26:58,827 --> 00:27:00,621 - [ELECTRICAL CHARGE] - What was that? 342 00:27:01,747 --> 00:27:05,501 Herb, Dave, give me a hand and get Sarah right into my Hummer. 343 00:27:05,584 --> 00:27:08,086 - Your Hummer? - [DAVE] It's a sweet ride. 344 00:27:08,170 --> 00:27:11,340 - It's roomy. - We need an ambulance. 345 00:27:11,423 --> 00:27:14,885 You shouldn't be moving her. She might need oxygen, paramedics... 346 00:27:15,719 --> 00:27:19,848 - Everything isn't always about you. - Walter. 347 00:27:19,932 --> 00:27:24,812 She'll be fine. It's too much sun, she's dehydrated. 348 00:27:24,895 --> 00:27:26,688 Dehydrated? Are you crazy? 349 00:27:26,772 --> 00:27:31,652 - Jo! Sorry about this, Mike. - Joanna... 350 00:27:31,735 --> 00:27:35,489 This is a very special moment. I would like you to meet... 351 00:27:35,572 --> 00:27:37,950 - Mike Wellington. - My husband. 352 00:27:38,033 --> 00:27:40,869 - Oh. - You must be the famous Joanna. 353 00:27:40,953 --> 00:27:44,665 You're even prettier than in the newspapers. They don't do you justice. 354 00:27:44,748 --> 00:27:47,918 That woman is very sick. I should be going with her. 355 00:27:48,001 --> 00:27:51,088 She'll get all the help she needs. Trust me, little lady. 356 00:27:57,219 --> 00:28:01,932 That woman had a seizure and she was practically levitating. 357 00:28:02,015 --> 00:28:05,435 I have told you five million times, I phoned Herb. 358 00:28:05,519 --> 00:28:10,315 He said that Sarah is fine, she just needed some fluids, like Mike said. 359 00:28:10,399 --> 00:28:13,861 - She was sparking. - She was dancing. 360 00:28:13,944 --> 00:28:15,404 Why wasn't there a doctor? 361 00:28:15,487 --> 00:28:16,822 - And why... - The kids. 362 00:28:17,865 --> 00:28:19,032 Oh! 363 00:28:19,116 --> 00:28:20,617 Why... 364 00:28:22,244 --> 00:28:24,121 Walter. Walter. 365 00:28:24,204 --> 00:28:26,915 Why did everyone automatically listen to that Mike person? 366 00:28:26,999 --> 00:28:29,042 Why was everyone standing there? 367 00:28:29,126 --> 00:28:31,211 You mean, why weren't they listening to you? 368 00:28:31,295 --> 00:28:35,007 - That's not what I'm saying! - Jesus Christ, Joanna. 369 00:28:35,090 --> 00:28:37,050 - What? - You were fired. 370 00:28:37,134 --> 00:28:40,596 Your kids barely know you and our marriage is falling apart. 371 00:28:40,679 --> 00:28:43,348 Your attitude makes people want to kill you. 372 00:28:43,432 --> 00:28:47,811 It makes people try to kill you. That's what we're doing here. 373 00:28:47,895 --> 00:28:51,148 The people in this town have been nothing but friendly 374 00:28:51,231 --> 00:28:53,692 and welcoming and wonderful to you. 375 00:28:53,775 --> 00:28:56,570 And you've been nothing but snide and suspicious. 376 00:28:56,653 --> 00:29:00,657 And at the picnic, you humiliated me. Well, I can't do it anymore. 377 00:29:00,741 --> 00:29:04,161 I can't keep fighting you for every inch of everything. 378 00:29:04,244 --> 00:29:07,039 Game over. Marriage over. 379 00:29:07,122 --> 00:29:09,041 No! 380 00:29:09,124 --> 00:29:10,584 - No! - No, what? 381 00:29:10,667 --> 00:29:12,544 Please don't go. 382 00:29:12,628 --> 00:29:14,713 - Why not? - Because you're right. 383 00:29:18,091 --> 00:29:20,731 Wait, I'm sorry. I don't think I heard that. What did you just say? 384 00:29:24,389 --> 00:29:28,143 - I said, "You're right." - About? 385 00:29:28,769 --> 00:29:30,520 About everything. 386 00:29:33,357 --> 00:29:35,484 Oh. About me. 387 00:30:02,135 --> 00:30:04,846 Do you know why I signed on at the network? 388 00:30:06,473 --> 00:30:09,434 'Cause I thought that if I was around, I could help you lighten up. 389 00:30:10,811 --> 00:30:13,480 - You did? - Yeah, I did. 390 00:30:13,563 --> 00:30:16,942 What was that one show called? I Can Do Everybody. 391 00:30:17,025 --> 00:30:18,026 [CHUCKLES] 392 00:30:18,110 --> 00:30:20,612 See, that's what I mean. I wanted to make you laugh. 393 00:30:22,948 --> 00:30:24,950 That's so sweet, but I... 394 00:30:26,660 --> 00:30:31,707 I was busy, I was running a network, Walter. 395 00:30:32,582 --> 00:30:35,127 You were so busy that we haven't made love in over a year. 396 00:30:35,210 --> 00:30:38,672 - I know. - Well, I miss you. 397 00:30:40,007 --> 00:30:44,136 But I've always loved you so much, I... 398 00:30:45,345 --> 00:30:46,930 You know that. 399 00:30:48,098 --> 00:30:49,766 Why? 400 00:30:50,976 --> 00:30:53,270 Because. Because... 401 00:30:54,604 --> 00:30:56,648 you're goofy and you're... 402 00:30:57,607 --> 00:31:00,068 you're handsome and you're... 403 00:31:00,944 --> 00:31:03,238 You're my Walter. 404 00:31:05,073 --> 00:31:07,451 And because when you play computer chess, 405 00:31:07,534 --> 00:31:12,247 you do that little... victory dance. 406 00:31:12,330 --> 00:31:14,458 - I do not. - [CHUCKLING] Yes, you do. 407 00:31:14,541 --> 00:31:16,209 No, I don't. 408 00:31:16,877 --> 00:31:18,128 Mm-hmm. 409 00:31:21,965 --> 00:31:26,011 If I'm not the smartest, and the best of the best, 410 00:31:26,094 --> 00:31:30,098 and the most successful, then I don't know, who am I? 411 00:31:30,182 --> 00:31:32,267 Do you want to find out? 412 00:31:34,061 --> 00:31:35,353 How? 413 00:31:37,189 --> 00:31:40,317 First of all, we're in the country now, so no more black. 414 00:31:40,400 --> 00:31:42,944 - No more black? Are you insane? - You heard me. 415 00:31:43,028 --> 00:31:47,115 Only high-powered, neurotic, castrating Manhattan career bitches wear black. 416 00:31:47,199 --> 00:31:48,533 Is that what you want to be? 417 00:31:49,534 --> 00:31:51,661 Ever since I was a little girl. 418 00:31:56,041 --> 00:31:58,126 Do I really look okay? 419 00:32:01,129 --> 00:32:03,423 - Can I be honest? - Mm-hmm. 420 00:32:03,507 --> 00:32:05,759 - You look kinda like Betty Crocker. - I know. 421 00:32:05,842 --> 00:32:10,138 - At Betty Ford. - [COMPUTER] We need milk. 422 00:32:10,222 --> 00:32:13,809 Thank you. I'm trying to make an effort to change. 423 00:32:13,892 --> 00:32:16,228 Last night, my husband was a different person. 424 00:32:16,311 --> 00:32:18,480 He was strong, he was forceful. 425 00:32:18,563 --> 00:32:21,274 - He was commanding. - Like your refrigerator. 426 00:32:21,358 --> 00:32:23,151 Nobody said it was going to be easy, 427 00:32:23,235 --> 00:32:26,029 being a homemaker and a stay-at-home mom. 428 00:32:26,113 --> 00:32:28,657 It's the toughest job in the world, right? 429 00:32:28,740 --> 00:32:32,369 That may be, but these Stepford women, they're a whole other dimension. 430 00:32:32,452 --> 00:32:35,831 Like yesterday. That poor lady, Sarah Sunderson. 431 00:32:35,914 --> 00:32:37,833 Walter said she's fine. 432 00:32:37,916 --> 00:32:40,127 You said she was shooting off sparks from her ears. 433 00:32:40,210 --> 00:32:41,753 - That's the first sign. - Of what? 434 00:32:41,837 --> 00:32:43,296 Cheap jewelry. 435 00:32:44,422 --> 00:32:46,967 - We should go see her. - Why? 436 00:32:47,050 --> 00:32:49,177 Because we need to be supportive. 437 00:32:49,261 --> 00:32:53,014 That's how people behave outside of Manhattan. They care about each other. 438 00:32:53,723 --> 00:32:56,643 In New York, if one of your neighbors got sick, what would you do? 439 00:32:56,726 --> 00:32:58,436 - Call her. - To see if she was gonna die. 440 00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:00,981 - So we could get the apartment. - Let's go. 441 00:33:01,064 --> 00:33:03,150 Up! Up! Up! 442 00:33:03,233 --> 00:33:05,360 [KNOCKING] 443 00:33:05,443 --> 00:33:06,543 Sarah? 444 00:33:08,321 --> 00:33:09,865 Yoo-hoo. 445 00:33:09,948 --> 00:33:11,241 Yoo-hoo? 446 00:33:11,324 --> 00:33:13,160 - Is she in there? - Roger! 447 00:33:13,243 --> 00:33:15,245 - It's open. - That's amazing. 448 00:33:15,328 --> 00:33:17,455 - That's so sweet. - And so trusting. 449 00:33:23,295 --> 00:33:26,756 - Roger. - Look at this place. 450 00:33:27,924 --> 00:33:30,135 Sarah? Sarah? 451 00:33:31,595 --> 00:33:35,473 [SARAH MOANING] Oh, Herb! 452 00:33:35,557 --> 00:33:37,184 Roger! 453 00:33:40,270 --> 00:33:41,813 [SARAH] Oh, Herb! 454 00:33:44,399 --> 00:33:47,027 Oh, yes! Oh, yes! 455 00:33:47,110 --> 00:33:49,446 - Make me beg! - [HERB] Yeah! 456 00:33:50,780 --> 00:33:53,742 [SARAH] I'm so lucky! 457 00:33:53,825 --> 00:33:55,911 - Oh, my God! - Is that a DVD? 458 00:33:55,994 --> 00:33:57,370 No, it's them. 459 00:33:57,454 --> 00:34:00,999 [SARAH] Oh! Oh! Oh! 460 00:34:01,082 --> 00:34:02,667 You're the king! 461 00:34:04,711 --> 00:34:06,004 Yes! 462 00:34:08,465 --> 00:34:10,926 [HIGH-PITCHED SCREAMING] 463 00:34:19,851 --> 00:34:21,311 Oh! 464 00:34:21,394 --> 00:34:23,480 I'm going up there. 465 00:34:23,563 --> 00:34:26,024 - Why? - I want some. 466 00:34:26,107 --> 00:34:27,859 Roger! 467 00:34:27,943 --> 00:34:31,363 - [CHUCKLING] - [SHUSHES] 468 00:34:35,951 --> 00:34:39,162 - [HERB] Baby, grab me some nachos. - [SARAH] Yes, dear. 469 00:34:40,247 --> 00:34:42,832 [JOANNA] We should get out of here! 470 00:34:44,793 --> 00:34:46,253 What's this? 471 00:34:48,922 --> 00:34:51,633 - Roger, put it down. - What? Oh, come on. 472 00:34:51,716 --> 00:34:52,816 Roger. 473 00:34:52,884 --> 00:34:54,594 [ROGER] Why does it say "Sarah"? 474 00:34:54,678 --> 00:34:55,887 Put it down. 475 00:34:55,971 --> 00:34:57,931 Let's get out of here. This is not right. 476 00:34:58,014 --> 00:35:00,767 - Roger, come on. - [BOBBIE] For God's sake! 477 00:35:00,850 --> 00:35:04,646 - We're trespassing! - [JOANNA] We have to get out of here. 478 00:35:04,729 --> 00:35:08,358 - Okay, it's totally useless. - Come on, we have to go! 479 00:35:08,441 --> 00:35:09,818 [LOUD THUD] 480 00:35:14,531 --> 00:35:17,742 - Oh, my God. - Hurry, hurry, hurry. 481 00:35:20,996 --> 00:35:23,331 [ALL LAUGHING] 482 00:35:23,999 --> 00:35:26,167 [BOBBIE] I can't believe we did that. 483 00:35:27,085 --> 00:35:28,837 [ROGER] I'm so embarrassed. 484 00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:31,548 - I'm mortified. I'm famished. - [GASPS] 485 00:35:35,969 --> 00:35:38,054 - [JOANNA] Bobbie! - Yeah? 486 00:35:38,138 --> 00:35:39,848 Are you making anthrax? 487 00:35:39,931 --> 00:35:42,976 Excuse me? I've been busy. My new book. 488 00:35:43,059 --> 00:35:46,187 But can't you hire someone to clean? Someone brave? 489 00:35:46,271 --> 00:35:49,107 Dave says I gotta do it myself, like Sarah Sunderson. 490 00:35:49,190 --> 00:35:52,193 - Could you believe her? - Darling, her home is spotless. 491 00:35:52,944 --> 00:35:56,781 And she's having incredible sex in the middle of the day with her husband. 492 00:35:56,865 --> 00:35:59,951 I'm sorry, but my shrink says I need creative chaos. 493 00:36:00,035 --> 00:36:01,619 My therapist says I need boundaries. 494 00:36:01,703 --> 00:36:05,290 My doctor said I need enough electricity to jump-start Vegas. 495 00:36:05,373 --> 00:36:07,709 - Have you ever done Zoloft? - Kid stuff. 496 00:36:07,792 --> 00:36:11,379 Xanax. I worship Xanax. I'm old-fashioned. 497 00:36:11,463 --> 00:36:15,383 I like Prozac with a Viagra chaser. You're up and you're up! 498 00:36:15,467 --> 00:36:18,803 - Oh, Roger. - Viagra! 499 00:36:18,887 --> 00:36:22,682 [CHUCKLES] Hey, is there something that you need to tell us? 500 00:36:22,766 --> 00:36:23,866 [ROGER] Well... 501 00:36:24,559 --> 00:36:27,145 Sharing! Okay. 502 00:36:30,732 --> 00:36:34,361 Jerry and I have been at couples counseling, for over a year. 503 00:36:35,612 --> 00:36:38,531 And finally, I just couldn't take it anymore. 504 00:36:38,615 --> 00:36:41,493 I howled, "You've became a gay Republican." 505 00:36:42,202 --> 00:36:44,621 And he said, "What's wrong with that?" 506 00:36:45,372 --> 00:36:48,750 I said, "That's like wanting to be gay with a bad haircut." 507 00:36:48,833 --> 00:36:50,251 Exactly. 508 00:36:50,335 --> 00:36:53,296 The counselor suggested we move to the 'burbs. 509 00:36:53,380 --> 00:36:56,424 - To find a balance. - We moved here as a last resort. 510 00:36:57,217 --> 00:36:59,260 Court order. Don't ask. 511 00:36:59,344 --> 00:37:02,097 [JOANNA] Okay. I know this is unthinkable, 512 00:37:02,180 --> 00:37:07,102 but what if we could actually learn how to be happy? 513 00:37:07,185 --> 00:37:10,855 Without Paxil, or compulsive overeating. 514 00:37:11,773 --> 00:37:14,401 What if we gave this whole thing a try? 515 00:37:14,484 --> 00:37:16,444 For real. The whole Stepford thing. 516 00:37:24,619 --> 00:37:27,664 [INDISTINCT CHATTER] 517 00:37:33,545 --> 00:37:35,171 Whoo! 518 00:37:35,255 --> 00:37:36,355 Hey, yeah! 519 00:37:36,381 --> 00:37:38,925 Only one can survive. 520 00:37:39,008 --> 00:37:41,553 [ALL CHANTING] Zeus! Zeus! Zeus! 521 00:37:47,183 --> 00:37:49,936 Let's go, baby. Rip her bra off! 522 00:37:51,563 --> 00:37:54,441 - Yeah! - [ALL CHEERING] 523 00:37:54,524 --> 00:37:57,360 Zeus rules the universe! 524 00:37:59,821 --> 00:38:03,700 And Ted owes Walter 20 big ones. 525 00:38:04,659 --> 00:38:07,662 - Ah! To be a man! - Whoo! 526 00:38:09,080 --> 00:38:13,126 - Ah. - [MIKE] So, Walt. 527 00:38:13,209 --> 00:38:16,379 You and Stepford. It seems like a real match. 528 00:38:16,463 --> 00:38:20,508 I'll say. I mean, the town and the houses. 529 00:38:20,592 --> 00:38:22,385 This place. 530 00:38:22,469 --> 00:38:26,931 It's like a dream. It's like... the way life was meant to be. 531 00:38:27,724 --> 00:38:30,852 And all of your wives. Oh, my God. 532 00:38:31,603 --> 00:38:35,732 Oh, my God. They're so... So, um... 533 00:38:35,815 --> 00:38:37,734 Sweet? 534 00:38:37,817 --> 00:38:39,527 Sizzlin'? 535 00:38:39,611 --> 00:38:43,406 - Superfine. - [ALL CHUCKLING] 536 00:39:04,511 --> 00:39:05,720 Well... 537 00:39:07,138 --> 00:39:09,557 We are all so thrilled to be here 538 00:39:09,641 --> 00:39:12,018 at the Stepford Book Club, I can't tell you. 539 00:39:13,770 --> 00:39:19,901 Now, I have just finished the third volume of Robert Caro's "Life of Lyndon Johnson," 540 00:39:19,984 --> 00:39:23,112 and I am dying for the next installment. 541 00:39:24,614 --> 00:39:28,660 Well, that's all marvelous. 542 00:39:28,743 --> 00:39:30,703 But today we are going to discuss... 543 00:39:30,787 --> 00:39:35,792 Well, it is probably the most important book any of us will ever read. 544 00:39:35,875 --> 00:39:39,796 Yes, it is provocative, but it is also inspiring. 545 00:39:41,256 --> 00:39:44,968 The Heritage Hill Special Edition Golden Deluxe Treasury 546 00:39:45,051 --> 00:39:47,011 of Christmas Keepsakes and Collectibles. 547 00:39:47,095 --> 00:39:48,763 [GASPING] 548 00:39:58,064 --> 00:40:02,193 This book said to me, "Let's celebrate the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ 549 00:40:02,277 --> 00:40:05,071 - with yarn." - [GASPING] Yarn. 550 00:40:05,655 --> 00:40:09,659 Now, Bobbie, we realize you're probably feeling a bit uncomfortable 551 00:40:09,742 --> 00:40:12,412 with this week's book, because you're... 552 00:40:12,495 --> 00:40:14,581 - What's the word I'm looking for? - New? 553 00:40:14,664 --> 00:40:16,249 - Scared? - Cranky? 554 00:40:16,332 --> 00:40:18,835 - Jewish. - Same thing. 555 00:40:18,918 --> 00:40:21,838 But the Heritage Hill series is very inclusive. 556 00:40:21,921 --> 00:40:25,967 In fact, there is a whole chapter about Chanukah. 557 00:40:26,050 --> 00:40:29,137 I just loved the chapter on pine cones. 558 00:40:29,220 --> 00:40:31,681 They're not just for wreaths and centerpieces. 559 00:40:31,764 --> 00:40:35,893 You can use pine cones to create a very special Yuletide menorah. 560 00:40:35,977 --> 00:40:39,314 Your pine cone snowman could be Jewish. Just add a beanie. 561 00:40:40,064 --> 00:40:43,359 Or maybe I could use hundreds of pine cones to spell out the words, 562 00:40:43,443 --> 00:40:47,822 "Big Jew" in letters 15 feet tall in the snow on my front yard. 563 00:40:53,119 --> 00:40:56,706 - That's a wonderful idea. - [ALL CHUCKLING] 564 00:40:57,915 --> 00:41:01,252 - That's fantastic. - [WOMAN] So sweet! 565 00:41:01,336 --> 00:41:05,214 I love the idea of creating a life-size Santa Claus all out of pine cones. 566 00:41:05,298 --> 00:41:06,883 Okay, I love that. 567 00:41:07,592 --> 00:41:11,179 I'm going to use a pine cone in my Nativity as the baby Jesus. 568 00:41:11,929 --> 00:41:14,599 I'm going to attach a pine cone to my vibrator 569 00:41:14,682 --> 00:41:16,893 and have a really Merry Christmas. 570 00:41:17,685 --> 00:41:18,785 Oh. 571 00:41:21,064 --> 00:41:24,651 ♪ Here comes Santa Claus Right down Santa Clause Lane ♪ 572 00:41:24,734 --> 00:41:29,155 ♪ He's got a bag that's filled with toys For boys and girls again ♪ 573 00:41:29,238 --> 00:41:32,950 ♪ Hear those sleigh bells jingle jangle Oh, what a beautiful sight ♪ 574 00:41:33,034 --> 00:41:37,205 ♪ So jump in bed, cover up your head Santa Claus comes tonight! ♪ 575 00:41:37,288 --> 00:41:39,374 - ♪ Santa Claus comes tonight ♪ - [WOMAN] Oh! 576 00:41:39,457 --> 00:41:41,250 [LAUGHING] 577 00:41:41,334 --> 00:41:45,296 - Joanna, how's she fitting in? - Well... 578 00:41:46,964 --> 00:41:48,174 Okay. 579 00:41:49,008 --> 00:41:50,968 - I'm among friends, right? - Of course. 580 00:41:51,052 --> 00:41:53,012 [WALTER] So... 581 00:41:53,096 --> 00:41:55,973 Joanna and I had this big talk. 582 00:41:57,100 --> 00:42:00,019 And we were really open with each other, I mean... 583 00:42:00,103 --> 00:42:01,813 We really got it all out. 584 00:42:02,647 --> 00:42:04,148 And I think from now on, 585 00:42:05,983 --> 00:42:08,319 she's going to be very, very different. 586 00:42:08,403 --> 00:42:10,279 [LAUGHING QUIETLY] 587 00:42:12,782 --> 00:42:16,327 You think Joanna's really going to change? 588 00:42:16,411 --> 00:42:19,997 Yes, I do. Absolutely. 589 00:42:21,165 --> 00:42:23,376 And how long have you been married? 590 00:42:23,459 --> 00:42:26,963 [ALL LAUGHING] 591 00:42:32,927 --> 00:42:34,804 - Ted. - Yes? 592 00:42:34,887 --> 00:42:37,098 Don't you owe Walter $20? 593 00:42:42,854 --> 00:42:44,981 That's absolutely right, I do. 594 00:42:45,773 --> 00:42:46,873 Babe! 595 00:42:55,992 --> 00:42:57,702 Yes, darling? 596 00:42:57,785 --> 00:43:00,788 Walt, sit down. 597 00:43:04,792 --> 00:43:05,892 I need 20. 598 00:43:07,211 --> 00:43:09,839 - You know my PIN. - Of course. 599 00:43:12,925 --> 00:43:14,427 [BEEPING] 600 00:43:59,514 --> 00:44:01,224 She gives singles. 601 00:44:03,935 --> 00:44:07,814 [GRADUAL LAUGHTER] 602 00:44:16,864 --> 00:44:19,534 - [BEEP] - [POWERING OFF] 603 00:44:23,996 --> 00:44:25,748 - [BIRDS CHIRPING] - [BELL DINGS] 604 00:44:27,416 --> 00:44:29,085 [JOANNA] Ah. 605 00:44:33,381 --> 00:44:35,550 Are these all for day camp tomorrow? 606 00:44:35,633 --> 00:44:39,470 - I want you to be proud of me, honey. - [ROBOT DOG BARKING] 607 00:44:39,554 --> 00:44:41,597 - [PETER] Watch this. - [BELL RINGS] 608 00:44:41,681 --> 00:44:44,934 - Ball. - [BARKS] 609 00:44:45,893 --> 00:44:50,064 - Aren't robots cool? - Oh, yeah. 610 00:44:50,147 --> 00:44:52,859 May I speak to the man of the house? 611 00:44:52,942 --> 00:44:55,486 - Stud bud! - Funkmaster Markowitz! 612 00:44:55,570 --> 00:44:58,739 - Stone Cold Thrilla Killa Kresbo! - Cupcakes anyone? 613 00:44:58,823 --> 00:45:02,493 - Cupcakes! - Cupcakes. Right on time. 614 00:45:02,577 --> 00:45:05,496 Jo, these are smokin'. Why don't you make stuff like this? 615 00:45:05,580 --> 00:45:09,333 - Why don't you? - Because I have a penis. 616 00:45:09,417 --> 00:45:12,420 - We should get moving. - We've got a meeting. 617 00:45:12,503 --> 00:45:15,506 - At the Men's Association. - [JOANNA] When will you be home, honey? 618 00:45:20,094 --> 00:45:21,194 When I'm home. 619 00:45:41,991 --> 00:45:43,576 Call a sitter! 620 00:45:45,745 --> 00:45:47,830 - [CRICKETS CHIRPING] - [FROGS CROAKING] 621 00:45:52,543 --> 00:45:54,921 [JOANNA] Bobbie, are you sure about this? 622 00:45:55,004 --> 00:45:57,882 [BOBBIE] We're not spying. We're just visiting. 623 00:45:57,965 --> 00:46:02,595 Fellas, I can't tell you how happy we are to welcome all of this new blood. 624 00:46:02,678 --> 00:46:04,764 - [MAN] You said it. - [MAN 2] That's right. 625 00:46:04,847 --> 00:46:07,224 [ROGER] I love, love this space. 626 00:46:07,308 --> 00:46:10,853 It's very Ralph Lauren meets Sherlock Holmes. 627 00:46:10,937 --> 00:46:14,148 - It says, "I have taste and a scrotum." - You promised. 628 00:46:14,231 --> 00:46:15,650 - Whore. - Bore. 629 00:46:16,651 --> 00:46:18,945 - Sorry. - No, Jerry. 630 00:46:19,028 --> 00:46:21,614 You're gonna find Stepford is very open-minded. 631 00:46:21,697 --> 00:46:25,076 We welcome you and your partner just like any other couple. 632 00:46:25,159 --> 00:46:26,577 - Absolutely. - Sure. 633 00:46:26,661 --> 00:46:28,454 - That's right. - Girlfriend. 634 00:46:28,537 --> 00:46:29,956 [CHUCKLING] 635 00:46:30,039 --> 00:46:31,958 Miss... Miss Thing. 636 00:46:34,043 --> 00:46:36,295 - To Stepford! - [ALL] Stepford! 637 00:46:38,381 --> 00:46:41,676 [INDISTINCT CHATTER] 638 00:46:47,014 --> 00:46:48,849 Damn! Come on, let's go. 639 00:46:48,933 --> 00:46:51,519 You think this is all right, sneaking around? 640 00:46:51,602 --> 00:46:53,187 Add it up. 641 00:46:53,270 --> 00:46:57,149 All the women around here are perfect sex kitten bimbos. 642 00:46:57,233 --> 00:47:01,362 All the men are drooling nerds. Doesn't that seem strange? 643 00:47:01,445 --> 00:47:03,322 - Not to me. - Why not? 644 00:47:03,406 --> 00:47:05,658 - I work in television. - Oh, come on. 645 00:47:08,077 --> 00:47:10,830 I think Joanna's right. I think Stepford is the answer. 646 00:47:10,913 --> 00:47:13,124 - She's a great gal. - Or she will be. 647 00:47:13,207 --> 00:47:14,709 [THUMPING] 648 00:47:15,918 --> 00:47:18,254 - [COUGHING] - [STRAINING] 649 00:47:18,337 --> 00:47:20,715 [BOBBIE] Come on, help me up. 650 00:47:20,798 --> 00:47:23,759 - [JOANNA] We shouldn't be here. - Oh, come on. 651 00:47:23,843 --> 00:47:27,888 - Don't be such a chicken. - I should be home with my cupcakes. 652 00:47:27,972 --> 00:47:31,600 Why? Because you only made 5,000 of them? 653 00:47:31,684 --> 00:47:35,229 - We're trespassing. - Only if we get caught. 654 00:47:36,814 --> 00:47:39,442 - Damn, I can't see a thing. - Oh. 655 00:47:39,525 --> 00:47:42,403 - There's the light, there it is. - No, Bobbie... 656 00:47:58,961 --> 00:48:01,380 It's like some alien freak show. 657 00:48:01,464 --> 00:48:03,883 Why? They're just family portraits. 658 00:48:03,966 --> 00:48:05,066 That's what I said. 659 00:48:06,927 --> 00:48:09,764 [FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING] 660 00:48:09,847 --> 00:48:11,557 The lights! 661 00:48:15,019 --> 00:48:17,104 - We should get out of here. - [SHUSHES] 662 00:48:18,189 --> 00:48:20,608 [JOANNA PANTING] 663 00:48:20,691 --> 00:48:22,693 - Should we run? - [SHUSHES] 664 00:48:28,324 --> 00:48:29,909 Oh, my God. 665 00:48:32,787 --> 00:48:35,498 [FLOOR CREAKING] 666 00:49:03,150 --> 00:49:05,402 - [IMITATING HANNIBAL LECTER] Clarice? - [WHIMPERING] 667 00:49:06,403 --> 00:49:09,073 - Hi, girls! - Roger! 668 00:49:09,156 --> 00:49:11,575 - You scared us! - What are you doing? 669 00:49:11,659 --> 00:49:13,119 What's going on? 670 00:49:13,202 --> 00:49:15,579 Do they have hookers, or old Playboys or cable porn? 671 00:49:16,247 --> 00:49:18,040 Oh, please, they barely have throw pillows. 672 00:49:20,000 --> 00:49:22,253 - They're coming! - The menfolk. 673 00:49:22,336 --> 00:49:24,380 - Call us. - Okay. 674 00:49:25,506 --> 00:49:26,841 [MIKE] Rog? 675 00:49:29,385 --> 00:49:31,887 What was it? Did you see anyone? 676 00:49:31,971 --> 00:49:35,516 Not a soul. But what's back here, anyway? 677 00:49:35,599 --> 00:49:38,519 In all of these rooms? Storage? Sweaters? 678 00:49:38,602 --> 00:49:39,979 Bodies? 679 00:49:40,062 --> 00:49:42,731 - Jerry. - You see that door on your left? 680 00:49:44,733 --> 00:49:45,833 Check it out. 681 00:49:46,694 --> 00:49:48,404 Oh, boy. 682 00:49:51,824 --> 00:49:55,452 - I can't see anything, it's dark. - Use your flashlight. 683 00:49:55,536 --> 00:49:59,123 I feel like Nancy Drew in The Mystery of the Mid-life Crisis. 684 00:50:06,672 --> 00:50:10,092 - What am I looking for? - Look down. 685 00:50:16,348 --> 00:50:18,642 [LAUGHS NERVOUSLY] 686 00:50:23,856 --> 00:50:25,357 Jerry? 687 00:50:30,362 --> 00:50:31,614 Roger! 688 00:50:33,866 --> 00:50:35,784 - Roger. - Bobbie. 689 00:50:35,868 --> 00:50:38,621 - Roger. - Bobbie. 690 00:50:38,704 --> 00:50:39,804 Roger! 691 00:50:42,541 --> 00:50:45,878 Roger said there was nothing going on at the Men's Association. 692 00:50:45,961 --> 00:50:49,757 [BOBBIE] Why doesn't he answer the phone? It's been two days. 693 00:50:49,840 --> 00:50:53,427 Roger. Roger! 694 00:50:57,389 --> 00:51:00,517 Isn't that his favorite shirt? The Dolce & Gabbana? 695 00:51:05,981 --> 00:51:09,360 His Guccis. And the Versace. 696 00:51:09,443 --> 00:51:12,446 - Maybe he's donating. - To what? The gay homeless? 697 00:51:13,906 --> 00:51:15,366 He loved this. 698 00:51:16,492 --> 00:51:18,452 His program from Hairspray. 699 00:51:19,453 --> 00:51:21,455 - Oh, my God. - What is it? 700 00:51:23,624 --> 00:51:25,167 Viggo! 701 00:51:27,670 --> 00:51:30,339 [BAND PLAYS] 702 00:51:43,102 --> 00:51:45,038 Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Jerry Harmon. 703 00:51:45,062 --> 00:51:49,608 I know I'm pretty new here, but already I feel so at home. 704 00:51:49,692 --> 00:51:51,944 Why did Jerry ask us to meet him here? 705 00:51:52,486 --> 00:51:57,241 ...proud that I can introduce Stepford's brand-new candidate for state senate. 706 00:51:57,324 --> 00:52:01,954 Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Mr. Roger Bannister! 707 00:52:02,997 --> 00:52:04,097 What? 708 00:52:09,753 --> 00:52:11,338 He's wonderful. 709 00:52:21,432 --> 00:52:23,851 [ROGER] Thank you. Thank you so much. 710 00:52:25,269 --> 00:52:29,106 You may very well ask, what are my qualifications for higher office? 711 00:52:29,189 --> 00:52:34,320 I believe in Stepford, America and the power of prayer. 712 00:52:34,403 --> 00:52:37,197 Values I've discovered, thanks to my partner, 713 00:52:37,281 --> 00:52:40,784 in life and in the Lord, Jerry Harmon. 714 00:52:44,913 --> 00:52:46,582 Roger! Roger! 715 00:52:46,665 --> 00:52:49,001 Yes, is there a question? Mrs. Markowitz. 716 00:52:49,918 --> 00:52:54,214 - So you two are happy now? - More than ever. 717 00:52:54,298 --> 00:52:57,593 Because now I know being gay doesn't mean a guy has to be effeminate 718 00:52:57,676 --> 00:53:00,054 or flamboyant or sensitive. 719 00:53:00,137 --> 00:53:02,139 - I'm no sissy. - No! 720 00:53:02,222 --> 00:53:03,932 [MAN] Way to go, Roger! 721 00:53:04,016 --> 00:53:07,311 - Roger! - Yes, Mrs. Walter Kresby. 722 00:53:07,394 --> 00:53:11,607 I don't understand. You were out there, you were Roger, and now... 723 00:53:11,690 --> 00:53:14,943 You're different. Your hair, your clothes. You're like someone else. 724 00:53:15,569 --> 00:53:18,697 - People change. - You can't stop Stepford! 725 00:53:18,781 --> 00:53:20,949 You can't stop Stepford! 726 00:53:21,033 --> 00:53:24,244 [CROWD CHANTING] You can't stop Stepford! 727 00:53:24,328 --> 00:53:27,790 You can't stop Stepford! You can't stop Stepford! 728 00:53:27,873 --> 00:53:31,293 You can't stop Stepford! You can't stop Stepford! 729 00:53:31,377 --> 00:53:34,797 You can't stop Stepford! You can't stop Stepford! 730 00:53:48,018 --> 00:53:51,146 That's why we have to leave Stepford? I'm not following. 731 00:53:51,230 --> 00:53:56,944 Okay. Before, Roger was witty and stylish and ironic. 732 00:53:57,027 --> 00:53:58,987 - And I'm sure he still is. - No! 733 00:53:59,071 --> 00:54:02,116 Now he's making speeches in a Brooks Brothers suit. 734 00:54:02,199 --> 00:54:06,995 There's lots of ways to be gay. Don't try to make him into a stereotype. 735 00:54:08,288 --> 00:54:11,417 Bobbie is right. And she's leaving too. 736 00:54:11,500 --> 00:54:14,002 This place does something to people. 737 00:54:14,670 --> 00:54:18,632 All of the women are always busy and perfect and smiling. 738 00:54:18,715 --> 00:54:22,094 - All the men are always happy. - And that's a problem because... 739 00:54:22,177 --> 00:54:24,805 Because it's not normal. 740 00:54:24,888 --> 00:54:28,100 It's not the world. It's not us. 741 00:54:28,851 --> 00:54:31,478 And I'm picking up our kids from camp right now 742 00:54:31,562 --> 00:54:33,647 and we're getting out of here. 743 00:54:34,815 --> 00:54:36,108 [SIGHS] 744 00:54:36,191 --> 00:54:37,818 With or without you. 745 00:54:57,838 --> 00:55:00,174 - [COMPUTER] Secure. - [SCREAMS] 746 00:55:01,091 --> 00:55:03,093 [WALTER] You'll never change, will you? 747 00:55:04,011 --> 00:55:05,804 Not really. 748 00:55:05,888 --> 00:55:07,723 Open the door. 749 00:55:14,438 --> 00:55:16,940 [COMPUTER] Unlock front. 750 00:55:17,024 --> 00:55:18,650 And you're right. 751 00:55:22,863 --> 00:55:24,364 About what? 752 00:55:26,700 --> 00:55:29,828 If you're that unhappy, then we should move. 753 00:55:30,746 --> 00:55:32,289 Maybe head back to the city. 754 00:55:33,290 --> 00:55:35,125 We could leave tomorrow. 755 00:55:37,377 --> 00:55:38,921 Thank you. 756 00:55:43,175 --> 00:55:44,885 Thank you. 757 00:56:01,360 --> 00:56:03,737 [DOG WHIMPERING] 758 00:56:11,537 --> 00:56:13,330 Huh? 759 00:56:19,545 --> 00:56:22,673 What you got there? Huh? 760 00:57:26,903 --> 00:57:28,030 [DOG WHIMPERING] 761 00:57:35,454 --> 00:57:37,539 - [WALTER] Sweetcakes? - [GASPS] 762 00:57:38,373 --> 00:57:40,626 It's 4:00 am. What are you up to? 763 00:57:40,709 --> 00:57:44,296 Just recipes for tomorrow. I'd like to get a head start. 764 00:57:44,379 --> 00:57:47,257 - On what? - Apple pie. Bobbie recommended it. 765 00:57:47,341 --> 00:57:48,717 I'll be right up. 766 00:57:52,220 --> 00:57:53,889 Walter? 767 00:57:55,641 --> 00:57:57,142 Babe? 768 00:58:20,499 --> 00:58:23,377 Bobbie? Bobbie! 769 00:58:27,214 --> 00:58:28,465 Oh, my God. 770 00:58:38,642 --> 00:58:39,810 Bobbie? 771 00:58:54,533 --> 00:58:55,867 Good morning, Joanna. 772 00:59:00,330 --> 00:59:02,165 Isn't it a lovely morning? 773 00:59:04,084 --> 00:59:06,503 That's a pretty color. 774 00:59:06,586 --> 00:59:09,506 - Mom! - Good morning, my precious ones. 775 00:59:09,589 --> 00:59:13,135 And thank you for leaving your requests on my email. 776 00:59:13,218 --> 00:59:16,722 Adam, you wanted peanut butter and jelly, no crusts, 777 00:59:16,805 --> 00:59:18,849 a Snickers bar and a Rolex. 778 00:59:18,932 --> 00:59:22,561 Ben, here's a whole-wheat burrito, a soy protein shake 779 00:59:22,644 --> 00:59:24,688 and three pieces of German chocolate layer cake. 780 00:59:24,771 --> 00:59:26,606 - From scratch? - Of course. 781 00:59:27,232 --> 00:59:31,778 And Max, you get bacon, lettuce and tomato on a lightly-toasted bagel. 782 00:59:31,862 --> 00:59:35,115 - What about my action figures? - There's Mace Windu and Amidala. 783 00:59:35,198 --> 00:59:37,409 - Where's Boba Fett? - They were out. 784 00:59:37,492 --> 00:59:40,412 - Mom! - Here's $500. 785 00:59:41,079 --> 00:59:42,581 All right. 786 00:59:43,165 --> 00:59:45,459 - Bye, Mom. - Bye, Joanna. 787 00:59:45,542 --> 00:59:48,628 They grow up so fast. I think I'll have three more. 788 00:59:48,712 --> 00:59:51,256 Bobbie, listen to me. What have they done to you? 789 00:59:51,339 --> 00:59:53,550 What have they done to you? Is it drugs? 790 00:59:54,426 --> 00:59:56,094 Is it brainwashing? 791 00:59:56,178 --> 00:59:59,598 - Come on, talk to me. - Of course, but only for a minute. 792 00:59:59,681 --> 01:00:01,975 Then I have to get to work on this pigsty. 793 01:00:02,058 --> 01:00:04,144 - Coffee? - No. No coffee. 794 01:00:04,227 --> 01:00:06,813 Bobbie, last night I went online. 795 01:00:06,897 --> 01:00:10,066 I found out that all of the women here used to be big deals. 796 01:00:10,150 --> 01:00:13,862 I mean, big deals. CEOs, executives, judges. 797 01:00:13,945 --> 01:00:16,907 Sarah Sunderson, she used to run an airline. 798 01:00:16,990 --> 01:00:19,159 With that perfect skin? 799 01:00:19,242 --> 01:00:22,496 No! She didn't use to look like that. None of the women did... 800 01:00:22,579 --> 01:00:25,457 - Coffee? - No! No coffee! 801 01:00:26,249 --> 01:00:28,627 Bobbie. Bobbie. 802 01:00:29,377 --> 01:00:32,214 - This isn't you. - That's right, Joanna. 803 01:00:32,297 --> 01:00:35,926 This isn't me. It's a whole new me. 804 01:00:36,635 --> 01:00:41,723 I'm happy and I'm healthy because I understand what's important in life. 805 01:00:41,807 --> 01:00:43,141 Yes, your new book. 806 01:00:43,225 --> 01:00:46,186 That's what's important. My new cookbook. 807 01:00:46,269 --> 01:00:49,940 And my husband, and my family, and making a perfect home. 808 01:00:50,023 --> 01:00:53,360 It's a lesson every gal needs to learn, especially you. 809 01:00:53,443 --> 01:00:56,613 I'm your friend, Joanna. I'm going to help you. 810 01:00:56,696 --> 01:00:58,698 - You need me. - Stay away from me. 811 01:00:58,782 --> 01:01:00,951 - You're driven. - Sometimes. 812 01:01:01,034 --> 01:01:02,619 And you're selfish. 813 01:01:02,702 --> 01:01:05,163 - You want to rule the world. - No. 814 01:01:05,247 --> 01:01:09,167 I can fix you. I can change you. 815 01:01:09,251 --> 01:01:13,755 What have they done to you? 816 01:01:13,839 --> 01:01:15,382 Let's get busy. 817 01:01:18,385 --> 01:01:19,845 Answer the phone. 818 01:01:20,846 --> 01:01:25,225 Hello. Is this the day camp? Oh. 819 01:01:25,308 --> 01:01:29,062 Yes, this is Joanna Eberhart. I would like to speak to my children. 820 01:01:29,813 --> 01:01:32,691 - I'm coming to pick them up right now. - [THUNDER RUMBLING] 821 01:01:35,068 --> 01:01:36,653 What? 822 01:01:40,407 --> 01:01:41,992 Walter! 823 01:01:43,034 --> 01:01:44,536 Walter, where are you? 824 01:01:45,287 --> 01:01:47,414 I know you've got the kids. 825 01:01:47,497 --> 01:01:49,249 Pete? Kimberly? 826 01:02:01,428 --> 01:02:03,430 [PANTING] 827 01:02:29,873 --> 01:02:31,166 [GASPS] 828 01:02:47,140 --> 01:02:49,392 [THUNDER RUMBLING] 829 01:02:52,395 --> 01:02:53,897 Oh, boys! 830 01:02:56,775 --> 01:02:57,875 Welcome. 831 01:03:15,418 --> 01:03:18,046 - Where are my children? - They're perfectly safe. 832 01:03:18,129 --> 01:03:20,173 Where are my children? 833 01:03:21,091 --> 01:03:23,385 - You'll see them soon. - Where's Walter? 834 01:03:30,100 --> 01:03:32,227 How could you do this? 835 01:03:33,061 --> 01:03:35,855 Ever since we met, you've beaten me at everything. 836 01:03:36,982 --> 01:03:38,566 You're better educated, 837 01:03:39,192 --> 01:03:40,902 you're stronger, you're faster, 838 01:03:40,986 --> 01:03:43,405 you're a better dancer, a better tennis player. 839 01:03:43,488 --> 01:03:47,701 You've always earned at least six figures more than I could ever dream of. 840 01:03:47,784 --> 01:03:51,579 You're a better speaker, a better executive. 841 01:03:53,081 --> 01:03:55,125 You're even better at sex. Don't deny it. 842 01:03:55,959 --> 01:03:57,877 I wasn't going to. 843 01:03:58,586 --> 01:04:01,214 - Well, don't I get anything? - You got me. 844 01:04:01,297 --> 01:04:03,508 No, I got to hold your purse. 845 01:04:03,591 --> 01:04:06,594 I got to tell the kids that you'd be late again. 846 01:04:06,678 --> 01:04:09,514 I got to tell the press that you had no comment. 847 01:04:09,597 --> 01:04:12,267 - I got to work for you. - With me. 848 01:04:12,350 --> 01:04:13,560 Under you! 849 01:04:14,644 --> 01:04:18,189 All of us. We married Wonder Women. 850 01:04:19,190 --> 01:04:22,569 Supergirls. Amazon queens. 851 01:04:22,652 --> 01:04:24,237 You know what that makes us? 852 01:04:24,904 --> 01:04:28,033 Smart. Worthy. Lucky. 853 01:04:28,116 --> 01:04:29,617 We're the wuss. 854 01:04:30,660 --> 01:04:34,622 The wind beneath your wings. Your support system. 855 01:04:34,706 --> 01:04:37,083 - We're the girl. - And we don't like it! 856 01:04:37,167 --> 01:04:39,586 - You're damn right. - We're men. 857 01:04:39,669 --> 01:04:41,838 And is this your answer? To kill us? 858 01:04:41,921 --> 01:04:45,675 No, nothing like that. We help you. We perfect you. 859 01:04:45,759 --> 01:04:47,343 By turning us into robots? 860 01:04:47,427 --> 01:04:50,597 Does any fraction of these women still exist? 861 01:04:50,680 --> 01:04:52,932 Of course. Almost everything. 862 01:04:54,100 --> 01:04:56,770 - Should we show her? - Show me what? 863 01:04:56,853 --> 01:05:00,815 It's a promotional thing I've been working on for when we go global. 864 01:05:02,525 --> 01:05:05,361 Walt, I don't think you've seen this. 865 01:05:09,949 --> 01:05:11,618 [WHOLESOME MUSIC PLAYING] 866 01:05:18,208 --> 01:05:20,752 Some guys ask, "How do we do it?" 867 01:05:20,835 --> 01:05:24,089 In layman's terms, it's really pretty simple. 868 01:05:24,172 --> 01:05:26,091 Come on along. 869 01:05:32,764 --> 01:05:36,017 First, we take a gloomy, dissatisfied woman. 870 01:05:36,101 --> 01:05:41,106 Then in a very private experience between husband and wife, 871 01:05:41,189 --> 01:05:46,236 he gently places her in our Female Improvement System. 872 01:05:47,153 --> 01:05:48,905 It's fully automated. 873 01:05:49,614 --> 01:05:51,783 And then, abracadabra, 874 01:05:51,866 --> 01:05:54,077 her transformation begins. 875 01:05:54,160 --> 01:05:56,955 First, we locate her brain. 876 01:05:57,622 --> 01:06:00,917 We insert a few nano-chips. 877 01:06:01,000 --> 01:06:02,252 Then we program them. 878 01:06:03,211 --> 01:06:06,464 Also we add some secret special ingredients. 879 01:06:09,676 --> 01:06:11,761 To avoid any accidents, 880 01:06:11,845 --> 01:06:15,014 the husband is kept at a comfortable distance. 881 01:06:15,098 --> 01:06:16,683 Safety first. 882 01:06:20,228 --> 01:06:22,772 Finally, we enhance her 883 01:06:22,856 --> 01:06:26,943 to fit the ideal Stepford wife specifications. 884 01:06:27,026 --> 01:06:28,278 And... 885 01:06:29,612 --> 01:06:30,947 voilà! 886 01:06:35,118 --> 01:06:36,744 Everything is copacetic! 887 01:06:40,290 --> 01:06:42,250 Welcome to the future. 888 01:06:46,713 --> 01:06:49,424 - [DAVE] It's a painting again. - What? 889 01:06:51,009 --> 01:06:55,054 I should explain. You see, my real name isn't Mike. 890 01:06:55,138 --> 01:06:57,974 It's just a nickname from where I used to work. 891 01:06:58,057 --> 01:06:59,559 Where? 892 01:06:59,642 --> 01:07:02,562 - Microsoft. - NASA. 893 01:07:02,645 --> 01:07:04,689 - Disney. - AOL. 894 01:07:04,772 --> 01:07:08,151 - Is that why the women are so slow? - [MIKE] Joanna. 895 01:07:08,234 --> 01:07:10,862 Is this what you really want? 896 01:07:12,322 --> 01:07:14,449 Women who behave like slaves? 897 01:07:14,532 --> 01:07:19,412 Women who are obsessed with cleaning their kitchens and doing their hair. 898 01:07:19,495 --> 01:07:22,040 Women who never challenge you in any way. 899 01:07:22,123 --> 01:07:24,959 Women who exist only to wait on you hand and foot. 900 01:07:25,043 --> 01:07:26,961 - [MAN 1] Yeah. - [MAN 2] That's right. 901 01:07:27,045 --> 01:07:29,005 Joanna, you're a brilliant woman. 902 01:07:29,088 --> 01:07:32,800 Surely you can appreciate, at the very least, the genius of the concept. 903 01:07:32,884 --> 01:07:36,804 Picture it. If you could streamline your spouse, 904 01:07:36,888 --> 01:07:42,018 if you could overhaul every annoying habit, every physical flaw, 905 01:07:42,101 --> 01:07:45,355 every moment, the whining and nagging, the farting in bed. 906 01:07:45,438 --> 01:07:49,984 Imagine if you could enjoy the person you love, 907 01:07:50,068 --> 01:07:51,986 but only at their very best. 908 01:07:53,780 --> 01:07:57,492 And the only reason for your anger, 909 01:07:57,575 --> 01:08:01,287 your resentment, your rage, is really very simple. 910 01:08:01,371 --> 01:08:04,666 You're furious because we thought of it first. 911 01:08:04,749 --> 01:08:08,127 While you were trying to become men, we decided to become gods. 912 01:08:10,129 --> 01:08:15,093 Let me ask you something. These machines, these Stepford wives, 913 01:08:15,176 --> 01:08:16,761 can they say, "I love you"? 914 01:08:18,346 --> 01:08:20,598 - Mike? - Of course. 915 01:08:20,682 --> 01:08:22,934 In 58 languages. 916 01:08:24,102 --> 01:08:26,187 But do they mean it? 917 01:08:55,800 --> 01:08:57,093 Enjoy. 918 01:09:25,496 --> 01:09:27,874 [GASPING, HEAVY BREATHING] 919 01:09:34,130 --> 01:09:35,298 [MIKE] Walter. 920 01:09:57,820 --> 01:09:59,030 Walt... 921 01:10:10,291 --> 01:10:12,126 Joanna, right here. 922 01:10:58,548 --> 01:11:01,217 - Sarah. - Claire. 923 01:11:09,225 --> 01:11:11,894 - Marianne. - Charmaine. 924 01:11:16,566 --> 01:11:19,110 - Roger. - Roberta. 925 01:11:56,772 --> 01:11:58,524 [INDISTINCT CHATTER] 926 01:11:58,608 --> 01:12:00,902 Mike! 927 01:12:01,527 --> 01:12:03,070 [CHANTING] Mike! Mike! Mike! 928 01:12:03,154 --> 01:12:05,948 Mike! Mike! Mike! Mike! Mike! Mike! 929 01:12:15,791 --> 01:12:17,793 Good evening, everyone. 930 01:12:17,877 --> 01:12:20,796 What a delight to see all of our wonderful wives 931 01:12:20,880 --> 01:12:23,299 and their happy, happy husbands. 932 01:12:23,382 --> 01:12:26,177 Tonight is truly the highlight of our year, 933 01:12:26,260 --> 01:12:31,724 because tonight we honor our very newest citizens of Stepford. 934 01:12:31,807 --> 01:12:34,101 In my opinion, the cream of the crop, 935 01:12:34,185 --> 01:12:38,231 a couple that proudly proclaims Stepford 936 01:12:38,940 --> 01:12:40,566 the American way of love. 937 01:12:40,650 --> 01:12:41,859 [ALL] Aw... 938 01:13:08,427 --> 01:13:10,179 Now... 939 01:13:12,098 --> 01:13:14,934 I'd like to ask my wonderful woman, my lovely wife, 940 01:13:15,017 --> 01:13:16,269 my bride, my best friend, 941 01:13:16,894 --> 01:13:20,356 to join me in a glorious midsummer night's waltz. 942 01:14:13,326 --> 01:14:15,620 - Is everything perfect? - Everything. 943 01:14:17,413 --> 01:14:19,415 Mike... 944 01:14:19,498 --> 01:14:20,750 Darling. 945 01:14:22,335 --> 01:14:24,712 - My pleasure. - It's an honor. 946 01:14:27,882 --> 01:14:30,468 - Champagne? - Allow me. 947 01:14:50,571 --> 01:14:52,156 [ALARM SOUNDS] 948 01:14:52,239 --> 01:14:56,535 [COMPUTER] Doors activate. Welcome, Member 1-9-5-6. 949 01:14:56,619 --> 01:14:58,412 Kresby, Walter. 950 01:15:06,587 --> 01:15:09,006 Entering secure area. 951 01:15:36,158 --> 01:15:38,202 [ELECTRONIC WHIRRING] 952 01:15:59,014 --> 01:16:01,225 Warning. Warning. 953 01:16:03,728 --> 01:16:05,604 Initiating. 954 01:16:18,367 --> 01:16:21,287 So, Joanna, are you enjoying Stepford? 955 01:16:21,370 --> 01:16:23,956 Oh, yes. The town is so splendid. 956 01:16:24,999 --> 01:16:27,001 Everyone is so kind. 957 01:16:28,586 --> 01:16:30,546 And then, of course, there's you. 958 01:16:33,924 --> 01:16:35,134 Me? 959 01:16:44,685 --> 01:16:46,729 It's simple really. Honey! 960 01:16:46,812 --> 01:16:49,356 - Grab me another scotch. - Right away, dear. 961 01:16:55,488 --> 01:16:57,573 [COMPUTER] Begin nano-reversal. 962 01:16:57,656 --> 01:17:00,117 Begin nano-reversal. 963 01:17:06,290 --> 01:17:08,209 Nano-reversal completed. 964 01:17:09,335 --> 01:17:10,435 Ah! 965 01:17:11,504 --> 01:17:14,298 [COMPUTER] Deleting Stepford program. 966 01:17:14,381 --> 01:17:15,674 Ah! 967 01:17:15,758 --> 01:17:18,719 [POWER SHUTTING DOWN] 968 01:17:25,810 --> 01:17:29,605 [COMPUTER] File corrupted. Deleting vacuuming function. 969 01:17:36,070 --> 01:17:39,031 - Honey? - Oh, Herbert. 970 01:17:39,114 --> 01:17:41,742 [COMPUTER] Nano-reversal... Original personality... 971 01:17:41,826 --> 01:17:45,204 Deleting Stepford wives program. 972 01:17:48,249 --> 01:17:49,349 What is this? 973 01:17:58,467 --> 01:18:00,219 What am I wearing? 974 01:18:00,302 --> 01:18:03,556 [FRANTIC CHATTER] 975 01:18:13,858 --> 01:18:16,527 [SOBBING] Mike! Mike! There's something... 976 01:18:18,821 --> 01:18:21,156 unspeakable going on in the ballroom! 977 01:18:21,240 --> 01:18:24,201 You have to come right now! It's an apocalypse! 978 01:18:35,087 --> 01:18:36,187 What did you do to us? 979 01:18:36,797 --> 01:18:38,966 [ALL] Mike! Mike! 980 01:18:42,428 --> 01:18:44,388 Men! Control your wives! 981 01:18:44,471 --> 01:18:46,473 Control your wives! 982 01:18:47,474 --> 01:18:49,852 - [BEEPING] - It's not working! 983 01:18:56,317 --> 01:18:58,402 This is not Stepford! 984 01:18:58,485 --> 01:18:59,904 Mike! 985 01:19:02,031 --> 01:19:03,490 What's happening? 986 01:19:04,116 --> 01:19:09,038 I was in the garden and I was dreaming of your smile and your aftershave. 987 01:19:09,788 --> 01:19:11,040 Then I realized... 988 01:19:12,875 --> 01:19:15,210 I can do better. 989 01:19:18,464 --> 01:19:19,564 [SIGHS] 990 01:19:26,305 --> 01:19:28,682 - Walt. - She's not a robot. 991 01:19:28,766 --> 01:19:31,435 - [MAN 1] What? - [MAN 2] She's not a robot? 992 01:19:31,518 --> 01:19:33,187 She never was. 993 01:19:42,863 --> 01:19:44,573 I couldn't do it. 994 01:19:46,241 --> 01:19:49,954 - Why not? - Because she's not a science project. 995 01:19:50,037 --> 01:19:52,790 Because I didn't marry something from RadioShack. 996 01:19:54,291 --> 01:19:56,669 - That's a shame. - No. 997 01:19:57,711 --> 01:19:59,546 That's a man. 998 01:20:07,137 --> 01:20:09,431 - I thought you were ready! - [MEN] Yeah. 999 01:20:09,515 --> 01:20:12,810 I thought you were ready! I thought I knew you! 1000 01:20:14,144 --> 01:20:17,356 - You're a disgrace... - [MEN] Yeah, you tell him! 1001 01:20:18,774 --> 01:20:20,693 ...to everything this town stands for. 1002 01:20:22,611 --> 01:20:25,072 - To the future. - That's right! 1003 01:20:26,657 --> 01:20:28,367 You're gonna have to pay for that! 1004 01:20:34,206 --> 01:20:35,499 Don't you touch him! 1005 01:20:36,125 --> 01:20:37,710 No! 1006 01:21:13,162 --> 01:21:15,122 He's a Stepford husband? 1007 01:21:17,416 --> 01:21:19,418 [CRYING] An angel. 1008 01:21:21,211 --> 01:21:23,088 Now he's just... 1009 01:21:24,631 --> 01:21:27,843 spare parts, thanks to you! 1010 01:21:27,926 --> 01:21:30,804 What are you? Are you a person or a machine? 1011 01:21:31,388 --> 01:21:32,681 I'm a lady. 1012 01:21:32,765 --> 01:21:36,310 - A real lady? - Every inch. 1013 01:21:36,393 --> 01:21:39,396 Wait. A real, real lady? Are you a human being? 1014 01:21:39,480 --> 01:21:43,025 Yes. And I may very well be the only decent human being left. 1015 01:21:43,108 --> 01:21:45,694 - In Stepford? - In the world! 1016 01:21:45,778 --> 01:21:47,446 [GASPS] She's fabulous. 1017 01:21:47,529 --> 01:21:51,784 All of this, Mike, the wives, Stepford. This was all your idea? 1018 01:21:51,867 --> 01:21:55,120 Yes. All I wanted was a better world. 1019 01:21:55,204 --> 01:21:59,875 A world where men were men, and women were cherished and lovely. 1020 01:21:59,958 --> 01:22:02,419 Does anyone have a screwdriver? 1021 01:22:04,046 --> 01:22:05,756 She's nuts. 1022 01:22:14,264 --> 01:22:16,391 A world of romance and beauty. 1023 01:22:17,684 --> 01:22:21,730 Of tuxedos and chiffon. A perfect world. 1024 01:22:21,814 --> 01:22:26,443 - But you were married to a robot. - The perfect man. 1025 01:22:27,319 --> 01:22:29,822 And all I wanted was to make you, all of you 1026 01:22:30,489 --> 01:22:32,199 into perfect women. 1027 01:22:32,282 --> 01:22:36,995 But we don't need to be perfect. How could you do this to us? 1028 01:22:37,079 --> 01:22:39,248 Because I was just like you. 1029 01:22:39,331 --> 01:22:41,667 Overstressed, overbooked, under-loved. 1030 01:22:42,709 --> 01:22:46,922 I was the world's foremost brain surgeon and genetic engineer. 1031 01:22:47,005 --> 01:22:51,260 I had top secret contracts with the Pentagon, Apple and Mattel. 1032 01:22:52,052 --> 01:22:54,930 I was driven, exhausted. 1033 01:22:55,013 --> 01:22:57,724 Until late one night I came home to find... 1034 01:22:59,893 --> 01:23:01,270 Mike... 1035 01:23:03,313 --> 01:23:04,773 with Patricia. 1036 01:23:06,608 --> 01:23:07,943 My brilliant... 1037 01:23:09,153 --> 01:23:10,487 blonde... 1038 01:23:12,030 --> 01:23:15,075 21-year-old research assistant. 1039 01:23:16,243 --> 01:23:17,953 It was all so... 1040 01:23:20,539 --> 01:23:22,166 ugly. 1041 01:23:24,376 --> 01:23:28,505 Then early the next morning, as I gazed across the breakfast table 1042 01:23:28,589 --> 01:23:30,841 at their lifeless bodies, I thought... 1043 01:23:32,509 --> 01:23:33,844 "What have I done?" 1044 01:23:34,887 --> 01:23:36,597 But more importantly, 1045 01:23:37,514 --> 01:23:40,559 "What could I do to make the world more beautiful?" 1046 01:23:40,642 --> 01:23:42,561 I had the skills. 1047 01:23:42,644 --> 01:23:46,356 But I needed help to realize my larger vision. 1048 01:23:46,440 --> 01:23:47,733 And so I made... 1049 01:23:49,359 --> 01:23:50,736 Mike. 1050 01:23:51,820 --> 01:23:54,698 Because he was someone other men would listen to. 1051 01:23:54,781 --> 01:23:56,658 And then I asked myself, 1052 01:23:57,659 --> 01:24:01,705 "Where would people never notice a town full of robots?" 1053 01:24:03,373 --> 01:24:04,708 Connecticut. 1054 01:24:05,876 --> 01:24:09,046 So I decided to turn back the clock. 1055 01:24:09,838 --> 01:24:12,341 To a time before overtime. 1056 01:24:12,424 --> 01:24:14,218 Before quality time. 1057 01:24:14,301 --> 01:24:17,221 Before women were turning themselves into robots. 1058 01:24:18,055 --> 01:24:19,932 - Back off! - Sorry. 1059 01:24:20,015 --> 01:24:22,851 But why didn't you change the men, too? 1060 01:24:22,935 --> 01:24:24,035 That's next. 1061 01:24:25,479 --> 01:24:27,022 You're insane. 1062 01:24:27,105 --> 01:24:31,485 I'm in love with a waltz and a town. 1063 01:24:34,780 --> 01:24:36,114 And a man. 1064 01:24:37,783 --> 01:24:39,493 [EXPLOSIVE CHARGE] 1065 01:24:40,160 --> 01:24:41,328 [ALL GASPING] 1066 01:25:29,960 --> 01:25:32,629 [LARRY KING] Joanna, you produced the documentary... 1067 01:25:32,713 --> 01:25:37,926 Stepford: the Secret of the Suburbs. And won... five Emmys, was it? 1068 01:25:38,010 --> 01:25:39,344 Six. 1069 01:25:39,428 --> 01:25:41,763 - She's shy. - And so humble. 1070 01:25:41,847 --> 01:25:45,183 And, Bobbie, your ordeal has led to a best seller. 1071 01:25:45,267 --> 01:25:48,729 I just can't hold a grudge, so I've written my first book of poetry. 1072 01:25:48,812 --> 01:25:54,234 It's all about hope and communication and the healing power of love. 1073 01:25:54,318 --> 01:25:55,861 What is it called? 1074 01:25:55,944 --> 01:25:57,904 Wait Until He's Asleep, Then Cut It Off. 1075 01:25:57,988 --> 01:25:59,948 - It's a page-turner. - I cried. 1076 01:26:00,032 --> 01:26:01,908 Now, Roger, good news. 1077 01:26:01,992 --> 01:26:04,328 You ran and won. You're in the State Senate. 1078 01:26:04,411 --> 01:26:06,913 - Independent. - Next stop, the White House. 1079 01:26:06,997 --> 01:26:09,791 - This country needs highlights. - Our hero. 1080 01:26:09,875 --> 01:26:14,379 Jo, Walter really came through for you. So how's your marriage now? 1081 01:26:14,463 --> 01:26:16,840 Is everything just... perfect? 1082 01:26:16,923 --> 01:26:20,510 No way. But we're doing just great. 1083 01:26:20,594 --> 01:26:25,766 Because now we know for sure it's not about perfection. 1084 01:26:25,849 --> 01:26:27,768 "Perfect." Perfect doesn't work. 1085 01:26:28,602 --> 01:26:31,521 [LARRY] What about those other husbands? Are they angry? 1086 01:26:31,605 --> 01:26:33,899 Do they still want all these women to be robots? 1087 01:26:33,982 --> 01:26:36,860 Of course. Men are pigs. They're disgusting. 1088 01:26:36,943 --> 01:26:39,446 They're frightened, little rodents. 1089 01:26:39,529 --> 01:26:41,299 - We're trying to help. Right, Bobbie? - Right. 1090 01:26:41,323 --> 01:26:44,034 [CLEARS THROAT] We're trying to reeducate them. 1091 01:26:44,117 --> 01:26:48,038 - And where are they? - Oh, they're still in Stepford. 1092 01:26:48,121 --> 01:26:49,915 Under house-arrest. 1093 01:26:56,046 --> 01:26:59,007 Hey, you guys. Which aisle is quilted paper towels? 1094 01:26:59,091 --> 01:27:01,468 If I don't get the right kind, my wife's gonna kill me. 1095 01:27:01,551 --> 01:27:03,303 Aisle three. 1096 01:27:03,387 --> 01:27:05,472 [WOMAN OVER PA] No talking! Keep shopping!