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00:03:09,775 --> 00:03:13,820
[APPLAUSE]
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00:03:16,907 --> 00:03:19,743
[WOMAN] Ladies and gentlemen,
I would like to introduce
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00:03:19,826 --> 00:03:21,745
a legend in our industry.
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00:03:22,496 --> 00:03:26,041
She's the most successful president
in the history of our network
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00:03:26,124 --> 00:03:30,128
and, for the past five years, has kept us
at the very top of the ratings.
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00:03:30,796 --> 00:03:33,090
She's our maverick, our wild card,
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00:03:33,173 --> 00:03:36,176
and today she's going to take us
right to the edge.
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00:03:36,259 --> 00:03:38,970
Please welcome a giant, a genius
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00:03:39,054 --> 00:03:42,265
and the hardest-working person
in television,
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00:03:42,349 --> 00:03:45,727
- Joanna Eberhart!
- [CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
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00:03:55,404 --> 00:03:58,281
Thank you all so much!
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00:03:58,365 --> 00:03:59,741
Thank you!
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00:04:00,659 --> 00:04:04,079
- [CROWD] Joanna!
- That feels good.
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00:04:04,162 --> 00:04:07,332
Especially coming from
such a fantastic group of people
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00:04:07,416 --> 00:04:10,710
from all across our great nation,
our network affiliates.
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00:04:10,794 --> 00:04:12,796
Give yourselves a great big hand.
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00:04:12,879 --> 00:04:15,090
You deserve it!
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00:04:16,466 --> 00:04:19,594
I want a big, fat Christmas bonus!
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00:04:19,678 --> 00:04:22,347
Just kidding. But not really, because...
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00:04:22,431 --> 00:04:24,307
I am so excited, I am so on fire,
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00:04:24,391 --> 00:04:28,061
I am so guts-and-glory passionate
about what I am about to show you.
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00:04:28,145 --> 00:04:30,480
So get ready, because on Monday nights,
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00:04:30,564 --> 00:04:34,526
the whole world will be watching
a man, a woman and a buzzer.
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00:04:34,609 --> 00:04:36,945
[APPLAUSE]
25
00:04:43,118 --> 00:04:46,455
Are you ready
for the final gender challenge?
26
00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:50,959
- Who makes more money?
- I do.
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00:04:51,042 --> 00:04:53,920
Who enters Ironman triathlons
every year and wins?
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00:04:54,004 --> 00:04:55,130
I do.
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00:04:55,213 --> 00:04:58,049
Who wishes they were married
to a sexy lesbian?
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00:04:58,133 --> 00:04:59,593
- I do.
- I do.
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It's Tara!
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00:05:08,977 --> 00:05:10,604
And...
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00:05:11,438 --> 00:05:13,231
on Thursdays...
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00:05:13,315 --> 00:05:15,942
No, this is not just a TV show.
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00:05:16,026 --> 00:05:19,321
No, this is a breakthrough,
breakout, break-all-the-rules,
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00:05:19,404 --> 00:05:21,364
bring-on-the-Emmys mega-smash!
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00:05:21,448 --> 00:05:23,867
- [CHEERS]
- Yes!
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00:05:24,659 --> 00:05:29,164
Can I present to you this planet's
ultimate reality phenomenon?
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00:05:29,247 --> 00:05:31,917
I Can Do Better.
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00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:33,877
[APPLAUSE]
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00:05:44,554 --> 00:05:47,599
[JOANNA] We will be right there
as happily married couples
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00:05:47,682 --> 00:05:51,061
are flown first class
to a tropical island paradise,
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00:05:51,144 --> 00:05:55,106
where they will be completely surrounded
by professional prostitutes.
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00:05:55,190 --> 00:05:59,277
And at the end of the week...
Well, let's take a peek.
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00:06:00,070 --> 00:06:03,240
It's been a week and Hank,
our personnel manager from Omaha,
46
00:06:03,323 --> 00:06:05,992
has spent the entire seven days
with Vanessa,
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00:06:06,076 --> 00:06:08,036
a call girl and exotic dancer.
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00:06:08,119 --> 00:06:09,829
Yeah, it's been amazing.
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00:06:09,913 --> 00:06:14,334
And I'll admit we've had some fun
in the hot tub and all.
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00:06:14,417 --> 00:06:18,046
But do you want to know something?
All we did was talk.
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00:06:18,838 --> 00:06:20,131
Because I love my wife.
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And the only place I want to be
is back in Omaha with my Barbara.
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00:06:26,346 --> 00:06:28,223
Tough break, Nessa.
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00:06:28,306 --> 00:06:32,894
Barbara, you spent Monday with Rocky,
our bodybuilder and male escort,
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00:06:32,978 --> 00:06:37,941
Tuesday through Thursday with the entire
cast of the Triple X film Hung Jury,
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00:06:38,024 --> 00:06:41,611
and you spent the entire weekend
with Tonkiro.
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00:06:48,702 --> 00:06:52,622
Now it's time for the final decision.
Barbara, it's yours to make.
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Is it gonna be Omaha?
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Or Omahunks?
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Well...
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00:07:01,965 --> 00:07:05,302
Before I came on this show,
I only had sex with one man,
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and that was usually Hank.
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I love Hank deeply and forever
with all my heart,
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00:07:11,516 --> 00:07:13,727
and I would never do anything to hurt him.
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But I can do better!
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00:07:17,355 --> 00:07:19,441
[CHEERING]
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00:07:24,904 --> 00:07:28,950
The battle of the sexes!
As old as time but as current...
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[MAN] Why?
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Uh, excuse me?
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Why did you do it?
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00:07:35,373 --> 00:07:39,085
Oh, my God!
It's Hank from I Can Do Better.
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Hank, everyone!
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No, stop it!
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00:07:48,678 --> 00:07:52,349
I love Barbara.
I had a family. I had a life.
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Hank, I know it hurts.
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Love isn't easy.
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Relationships aren't easy, not for anyone.
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But now you know the truth about Barbara.
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00:08:06,738 --> 00:08:11,743
You are gonna move on with your life
and you're gonna meet someone wonderful,
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00:08:11,826 --> 00:08:14,162
and America is gonna love you.
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00:08:14,245 --> 00:08:17,165
- [WOMAN] Yes.
- [CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
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00:08:18,917 --> 00:08:20,960
[WOMAN] Whoo!
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00:08:23,546 --> 00:08:27,509
Yeah. I got a great idea
for another hot new show.
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- [JOANNA] Tell it to us.
- It's called...
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00:08:30,762 --> 00:08:33,306
- Let's Kill All The Women.
- [WOMAN] He's got a gun!
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00:08:33,390 --> 00:08:34,891
Oh, my God!
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00:08:34,974 --> 00:08:37,185
- [SCREAMING]
- [SHATTERING]
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00:08:42,148 --> 00:08:44,984
- Oh.
- Joanna, are you all right?
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00:08:45,068 --> 00:08:49,114
I am great, raring to go.
The police were sensational.
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00:08:49,197 --> 00:08:52,283
- And not a scratch. [CHUCKLES]
- You haven't heard.
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00:08:52,367 --> 00:08:54,077
About what?
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00:08:57,455 --> 00:08:59,207
- That man Hank.
- [SIGHS]
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00:08:59,290 --> 00:09:02,836
Right before he tried to kill you,
he went to see his ex-wife
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00:09:02,919 --> 00:09:05,171
and five of her new boyfriends.
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00:09:05,255 --> 00:09:07,799
- He did?
- He shot all of them.
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00:09:07,882 --> 00:09:11,344
The wife is in critical condition
and four guys are on life-support.
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00:09:11,428 --> 00:09:13,054
- Tonkiro?
- He's fine.
98
00:09:13,138 --> 00:09:16,307
- Thank God.
- So you know what this means.
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00:09:17,726 --> 00:09:19,144
Of course.
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00:09:19,227 --> 00:09:21,855
We pay for their medical treatment,
every penny,
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00:09:21,938 --> 00:09:26,651
we get them the very best therapists,
childcare, rehab, whatever they need.
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00:09:26,735 --> 00:09:30,113
We fly them to New York,
first class, for a prime time special:
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00:09:30,196 --> 00:09:32,532
Hank and Barbara: Let The Healing Begin.
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00:09:33,742 --> 00:09:36,870
You're not listening. We can't wear this.
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00:09:36,953 --> 00:09:39,289
The lawsuits alone
may bankrupt the network.
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00:09:39,372 --> 00:09:42,751
All your new shows, the whole lineup,
the affiliates won't touch them.
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We have shareholders.
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We can't let you sink the network.
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But we wish you only the best.
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00:10:25,084 --> 00:10:26,544
Of course.
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00:10:29,839 --> 00:10:33,718
Thank you for being so classy
and taking this so well.
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00:11:00,245 --> 00:11:03,581
Joanna, we just wanted to say
that this is so not fair.
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00:11:06,584 --> 00:11:08,002
[ELEVATOR DINGS]
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00:11:09,546 --> 00:11:11,589
Goodbye, everybody!
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00:11:12,590 --> 00:11:14,384
All the best!
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00:11:18,596 --> 00:11:23,685
[SCREAMS]
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00:11:24,769 --> 00:11:26,729
[RAINFALL]
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00:11:43,663 --> 00:11:45,206
- Jo.
- Hmm?
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00:11:47,417 --> 00:11:49,210
Ah, Walter.
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00:11:50,086 --> 00:11:53,089
- What happened?
- Well...
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00:11:53,882 --> 00:11:56,885
- You had a complete nervous collapse.
- Oh.
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00:11:56,968 --> 00:12:01,139
The doctors say there's a lot of work
to do, but you're going to be just fine.
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00:12:02,181 --> 00:12:04,893
And Pete made this for you.
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00:12:07,186 --> 00:12:10,315
- Ah, that's so sweet.
- Isn't it?
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00:12:10,398 --> 00:12:13,735
And I wanted you to know that,
the minute I heard the news,
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I called the network and I quit.
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00:12:17,071 --> 00:12:20,617
- You did that for me?
- Of course.
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00:12:20,700 --> 00:12:22,952
I know I was only a vice president,
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00:12:23,703 --> 00:12:25,663
but I could never work for those people.
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00:12:26,414 --> 00:12:28,833
Not after the way they treated you.
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00:12:30,752 --> 00:12:34,714
- Walter.
- Do you remember what today is?
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00:12:35,798 --> 00:12:37,133
It's our anniversary.
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00:12:39,010 --> 00:12:42,347
Oh, Walter.
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00:12:44,724 --> 00:12:47,685
I'm so sorry.
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00:12:47,769 --> 00:12:51,397
Maybe that man who tried to shoot me,
maybe he was right.
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00:12:51,481 --> 00:12:53,816
Maybe I've become the wrong kind of woman.
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00:12:53,900 --> 00:12:56,194
Maybe I've made
all of the wrong decisions.
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00:12:57,946 --> 00:13:01,324
Could we get away and start over?
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00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:05,119
And get it right, our marriage?
140
00:13:12,377 --> 00:13:15,254
- But why are we moving?
- To Connecticut?
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00:13:15,338 --> 00:13:17,882
We're moving so we can all kick back
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00:13:17,966 --> 00:13:21,094
and have a great new life
in this beautiful new town.
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00:13:28,101 --> 00:13:30,979
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
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00:13:38,111 --> 00:13:39,737
- Name?
- Kresby.
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00:13:40,655 --> 00:13:42,657
- Welcome to Stepford.
- Thanks.
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00:14:26,743 --> 00:14:30,788
- What do you think, guys?
- Good.
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00:14:30,872 --> 00:14:31,972
Honey?
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00:14:39,213 --> 00:14:44,093
Hello, everyone. I'm Mrs. Wellington.
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00:14:44,177 --> 00:14:46,220
Welcome to Stepford.
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00:14:46,304 --> 00:14:48,848
I'm with Stepford Realty.
We spoke on the phone.
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00:14:48,931 --> 00:14:51,934
- You must be Walter.
- So nice to meet you in person.
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00:14:52,018 --> 00:14:55,188
And the little ones. I bet you're Pete.
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00:14:55,271 --> 00:14:57,565
- Duh.
- Pete.
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00:14:57,648 --> 00:15:01,569
- He's every bit as handsome as his dad.
- Thank you.
155
00:15:01,652 --> 00:15:05,031
Kimberly! Aren't you just
the cutest little bug's ear?
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00:15:05,114 --> 00:15:07,075
Bugs don't have ears.
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00:15:07,158 --> 00:15:10,745
Isn't she sassy? And a little sad.
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00:15:11,579 --> 00:15:14,207
And this must be Joanna.
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00:15:14,290 --> 00:15:17,168
- Electroshock?
- But she's doing great.
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00:15:18,044 --> 00:15:20,421
Hello, little Energizer.
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00:15:21,339 --> 00:15:26,052
The minute Walter called, I knew
this was the perfect house for you.
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00:15:26,135 --> 00:15:29,347
It's the top of the line,
here at Stepford Estates,
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00:15:29,430 --> 00:15:32,892
and it's got everything
an American family could ever need.
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00:15:32,975 --> 00:15:36,270
- And may I present to you...
- [KIMBERLY] Look at this!
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00:15:37,188 --> 00:15:39,273
- This is amazing!
- ...the Great Room.
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00:15:39,357 --> 00:15:41,359
I call it cozy.
167
00:15:42,652 --> 00:15:44,904
And it's also a smart house.
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00:15:44,987 --> 00:15:47,990
Now, this controls the security system.
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00:15:51,953 --> 00:15:55,832
- [COMPUTER] All secure.
- It talks to the refrigerator.
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00:15:55,915 --> 00:16:00,628
[COMPUTER] We need juice.
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00:16:00,711 --> 00:16:03,631
The system also monitors all the commodes,
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00:16:03,714 --> 00:16:07,176
where it will test your urine
for blood sugar, protein and body fat.
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00:16:07,844 --> 00:16:11,013
- [COMPUTER] Flush toilets.
- [TOILETS FLUSHING]
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00:16:11,097 --> 00:16:12,640
Isn't that great, kids?
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00:16:12,723 --> 00:16:14,934
- I'm gonna go check my room!
- Me, too!
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00:16:16,185 --> 00:16:17,285
[CHUCKLES]
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00:16:17,353 --> 00:16:19,939
- Now, Walter, will you be commuting?
- No.
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00:16:21,816 --> 00:16:24,944
No. Joanna and I both left the network.
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00:16:25,027 --> 00:16:27,572
- [BARKING]
- [MRS. WELLINGTON] Look, the puppy.
180
00:16:27,655 --> 00:16:30,575
Robo Rover 3000. Come on, boy, come on!
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00:16:30,658 --> 00:16:31,951
Come on, come on!
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00:16:38,207 --> 00:16:40,543
- [LAUGHING]
- [BARKING]
183
00:16:40,626 --> 00:16:43,629
- [CRICKETS CHIRPING]
- [FROGS CROAKING]
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00:17:02,899 --> 00:17:05,818
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
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00:17:49,111 --> 00:17:51,447
- [CAR HORN HONKING]
- [MRS. WELLINGTON] Joanna!
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00:17:51,530 --> 00:17:54,325
The town is over 200 years old.
187
00:17:54,408 --> 00:17:58,079
It was founded by George Washington,
and Martha just loved it.
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00:17:58,829 --> 00:18:01,040
Stepford is Connecticut's family paradise.
189
00:18:01,123 --> 00:18:04,418
It has no crime,
no poverty and no pushing.
190
00:18:07,922 --> 00:18:10,633
What is that? Up on the hill?
191
00:18:10,716 --> 00:18:13,678
That's our Stepford Men's Association,
192
00:18:13,761 --> 00:18:17,390
where all our wonderful guys can
get together and stay out of our hair.
193
00:18:18,516 --> 00:18:20,685
Am I right?
194
00:18:20,768 --> 00:18:24,689
- Where do the women go?
- To the Simply Stepford Day Spa.
195
00:18:36,575 --> 00:18:39,161
Good morning, ladies.
196
00:18:39,245 --> 00:18:41,163
[ALL] Good morning, Claire.
197
00:18:41,247 --> 00:18:45,835
I would like you all to welcome
our newest citizen to Stepford.
198
00:18:45,918 --> 00:18:49,130
- Joanna.
- [ALL] Good morning, Joanna.
199
00:18:51,090 --> 00:18:55,469
- Are we ready to work out?
- [ALL] Oh, yes!
200
00:18:55,553 --> 00:18:58,389
Places and poles, please.
201
00:19:06,856 --> 00:19:09,066
Wait. You work out dressed like this?
202
00:19:09,817 --> 00:19:12,153
Well, of course.
203
00:19:12,236 --> 00:19:15,948
Whatever we do,
we always want to look our very best.
204
00:19:16,032 --> 00:19:19,952
I mean,
why, imagine if our husbands saw us
205
00:19:20,036 --> 00:19:22,204
in worn, dark, urban sweat clothes,
206
00:19:22,288 --> 00:19:25,624
with stringy hair and almost no makeup.
207
00:19:25,708 --> 00:19:27,293
[WOMAN] Oh, good heavens.
208
00:19:27,376 --> 00:19:32,006
Now, today you are in for a special treat.
209
00:19:32,089 --> 00:19:36,260
Because we are working on a series of
exercises which I personally invented,
210
00:19:36,344 --> 00:19:38,721
based on simple, household tasks.
211
00:19:38,804 --> 00:19:40,848
I call my program Claireobics.
212
00:19:40,931 --> 00:19:42,975
Because her name is Claire.
213
00:19:44,727 --> 00:19:47,938
All right, now it's time
to slim and scrub.
214
00:19:48,022 --> 00:19:51,192
- [UPBEAT MUSIC BEGINS]
- Let's all be washing machines.
215
00:19:51,275 --> 00:19:52,610
And...
216
00:19:52,693 --> 00:19:54,612
♪ Chuga, chuga, chuga
Chuga, chuga, chuga ♪
217
00:19:54,695 --> 00:19:57,406
♪ Chuga, chuga, chuga
Chuga, chuga, chuga ♪
218
00:19:57,490 --> 00:19:59,825
♪ Chuga, chuga, chuga
Chuga, chuga, chuga ♪
219
00:19:59,909 --> 00:20:02,078
♪ Chuga, chuga, chuga
Chuga, chuga, chuga ♪
220
00:20:02,161 --> 00:20:04,372
Come on, Joanna!
221
00:20:05,039 --> 00:20:08,626
Spin cycle, ladies. And... whoosh!
222
00:20:08,709 --> 00:20:11,045
And... whoosh!
223
00:20:11,128 --> 00:20:12,228
And... whoosh!
224
00:20:12,296 --> 00:20:13,839
And... whoosh!
225
00:20:19,804 --> 00:20:21,138
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
226
00:20:21,222 --> 00:20:23,391
- Who's the man?
- You the man. You the man.
227
00:21:05,641 --> 00:21:07,768
- [MAN 1] Walter?
- [MAN 2] How're you?
228
00:21:07,852 --> 00:21:09,895
- Walter Kresby.
- Good to see you.
229
00:21:09,979 --> 00:21:12,731
I'm Stan Peters. Come in.
Mike said you were coming...
230
00:21:12,815 --> 00:21:14,984
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
231
00:21:16,652 --> 00:21:19,572
[MAN ON LOUDSPEAKER] Hear ye, hear ye!
Come one, come all.
232
00:21:19,655 --> 00:21:21,991
And happy Fourth of July.
233
00:21:22,074 --> 00:21:26,036
At 1:30 will be the children's
Stars and Stripes face-painting...
234
00:21:26,120 --> 00:21:27,246
[WALTER] Isn't this great?
235
00:21:27,329 --> 00:21:31,208
A real, old-fashioned town picnic.
You can't get this in Manhattan.
236
00:21:31,292 --> 00:21:33,419
Which is why we're gonna stay ten minutes,
237
00:21:33,502 --> 00:21:35,463
make an appearance and get out of here.
238
00:21:35,546 --> 00:21:39,925
Kids, I'm really sorry about this,
but let's try and have fun.
239
00:21:40,009 --> 00:21:42,261
- Mom, it's a picnic.
- Chill.
240
00:21:42,344 --> 00:21:44,221
Go ahead, have fun.
241
00:21:45,097 --> 00:21:48,184
- Ten minutes?
- Walter, you just don't get it.
242
00:21:48,267 --> 00:21:51,061
These women are deranged,
flight attendant-friendly.
243
00:21:51,145 --> 00:21:53,147
- They're gonna be all over me.
- [WOMAN] Joanna!
244
00:21:54,607 --> 00:21:56,525
Here we go.
245
00:21:56,609 --> 00:21:58,986
- Hi, Joanna...
- Hi.
246
00:22:01,197 --> 00:22:04,158
- Hi, Walter.
- Hi.
247
00:22:04,241 --> 00:22:07,244
- You look great.
- I love you in khakis.
248
00:22:08,537 --> 00:22:11,707
They're new. A little experiment.
249
00:22:11,790 --> 00:22:14,460
Now I know why
they call it Banana Republic.
250
00:22:14,543 --> 00:22:16,337
[ALL GIGGLING]
251
00:22:16,420 --> 00:22:20,424
[WOMAN] Excuse me! Excuse me.
Excuse me, ladies.
252
00:22:20,508 --> 00:22:22,843
Excuse me. Excuse me.
253
00:22:22,927 --> 00:22:24,762
Excuse me.
254
00:22:24,845 --> 00:22:26,805
Excuse me!
255
00:22:26,889 --> 00:22:29,934
Am I the only one
who finds all of this disturbing?
256
00:22:30,017 --> 00:22:33,687
We are celebrating our nation's birthday.
But there are no African-Americans,
257
00:22:33,771 --> 00:22:36,106
no Native-Americans, no Asian-Americans...
258
00:22:36,190 --> 00:22:39,193
Oh, my God! Hey.
259
00:22:39,276 --> 00:22:42,571
You're Joanna Eberhart.
You got such a raw deal.
260
00:22:42,655 --> 00:22:45,407
Aren't you Bobbie Markowitz?
I love your books.
261
00:22:45,491 --> 00:22:48,953
Especially the last one, about
your relationship with your mother.
262
00:22:49,036 --> 00:22:51,705
- I Love You, But Please Die.
- [MAN] Hey, baby.
263
00:22:51,789 --> 00:22:54,542
Baby, look what I did. Look.
264
00:22:54,625 --> 00:22:56,502
[WHISTLES]
265
00:22:56,585 --> 00:22:59,505
Happy Fourth of July, everybody.
266
00:22:59,588 --> 00:23:02,883
- Excuse me. Is this guy bothering you?
- Yes, he's my husband.
267
00:23:02,967 --> 00:23:05,803
- Hey, Kresbo-man.
- Hey, Dave.
268
00:23:05,886 --> 00:23:07,972
- How do you know each other?
- Men's Association.
269
00:23:08,055 --> 00:23:09,265
That place.
270
00:23:09,348 --> 00:23:11,559
- Finish the laundry?
- I finished a chapter.
271
00:23:11,642 --> 00:23:13,477
- Did you make sandwiches?
- Did you?
272
00:23:13,561 --> 00:23:15,396
- Where are the kids?
- What kids?
273
00:23:15,479 --> 00:23:17,731
- Are you two okay?
- [BOTH] We're fine.
274
00:23:17,815 --> 00:23:20,526
- Come on, I need a cookie.
- See what I mean?
275
00:23:20,609 --> 00:23:23,571
Jerry, it's a bake sale.
An actual bake sale.
276
00:23:23,654 --> 00:23:26,865
It's like some sort of heavenly diorama
at the Smithsonian,
277
00:23:26,949 --> 00:23:28,867
in the Hall of Homemakers.
278
00:23:28,951 --> 00:23:30,578
Oh, no. Stop it.
279
00:23:30,661 --> 00:23:32,830
Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
280
00:23:32,913 --> 00:23:35,249
- That is not cobbler!
- Roger...
281
00:23:35,332 --> 00:23:37,668
Could we reel it in
a couple of hundred yards?
282
00:23:37,751 --> 00:23:39,336
How do you keep your figures?
283
00:23:39,420 --> 00:23:42,756
Is there a huge vat of cobbler vomit
somewhere? But worth it?
284
00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:44,550
- Roger?
- I'm sorry.
285
00:23:44,633 --> 00:23:46,802
- That is...
- It's fabulous.
286
00:23:46,885 --> 00:23:50,472
- Jerry thinks that I overdo everything.
- [JOANNA] Excuse me.
287
00:23:50,556 --> 00:23:55,144
- Aren't you Roger Bannister?
- The amazing architect, from The Times?
288
00:23:55,227 --> 00:23:58,439
- Thank you. This is Jerry Harmon.
- Corporate attorney.
289
00:23:58,522 --> 00:24:01,191
- But he's getting the help he needs.
- Stop it.
290
00:24:01,275 --> 00:24:03,277
- We're new.
- Oh, my God. Joanna Eberhart.
291
00:24:03,360 --> 00:24:05,904
- I love the shows.
- Thank you.
292
00:24:05,988 --> 00:24:08,949
And Bobbie Markowitz. Love the books.
293
00:24:09,033 --> 00:24:11,577
How did this happen?
Where did you come from?
294
00:24:11,660 --> 00:24:14,788
I mean, right here in Stepford: people!
295
00:24:16,081 --> 00:24:20,210
Attention! Fourth of July funsters!
296
00:24:20,294 --> 00:24:22,129
Grab your partners,
297
00:24:22,212 --> 00:24:27,718
'cause it's time for some sizzling
Stepford square dancing! So come on in!
298
00:24:27,801 --> 00:24:30,054
- A square dance?
- Cowgirls?
299
00:24:30,137 --> 00:24:32,014
- We're in hell.
- Yeah.
300
00:24:32,097 --> 00:24:33,515
- Come on, Bobbie.
- Oh, Dave...
301
00:24:33,599 --> 00:24:36,268
[FIDDLES PLAYING]
302
00:24:44,777 --> 00:24:47,363
- Howdy!
- [ALL] Howdy!
303
00:24:47,446 --> 00:24:49,406
Is everyone ready to kick up your heels
304
00:24:49,490 --> 00:24:52,201
for some barn-bustin'
Stepford high steppin'?
305
00:24:52,284 --> 00:24:54,453
[ALL] Yeah!
306
00:24:54,536 --> 00:24:55,871
Okay.
307
00:24:55,954 --> 00:24:58,415
♪ Bow to your partners, lose your cares ♪
308
00:25:01,835 --> 00:25:04,880
♪ Stepford stallions love their mares ♪
309
00:25:06,632 --> 00:25:09,259
♪ Alamen left, alamen right ♪
310
00:25:10,803 --> 00:25:13,013
♪ Rope that filly, she won't bite ♪
311
00:25:15,224 --> 00:25:17,518
♪ All join hands and circle sweet ♪
312
00:25:18,977 --> 00:25:21,397
♪ Please your cowboy with your feet ♪
313
00:25:23,148 --> 00:25:26,068
[HOOTING, HOLLERING]
314
00:25:28,529 --> 00:25:29,530
Ya-hoo!
315
00:25:29,613 --> 00:25:32,241
- Nice shirt, Stan!
- Thanks.
316
00:25:44,002 --> 00:25:47,339
- Ya-hoo!
- [MAN] Yee-haw!
317
00:25:55,889 --> 00:25:57,224
Yippee-ky-ay.
318
00:25:57,307 --> 00:25:59,935
Yippee-ky-ay, yippee-ky-ay.
319
00:26:00,018 --> 00:26:02,020
- Yippee-ky-ay.
- Honey...
320
00:26:02,104 --> 00:26:04,231
- Calm down, baby.
- Yippee-ky-ay.
321
00:26:04,314 --> 00:26:06,734
Do-si-do, do-si-do. Do-si-do, do-si-do.
322
00:26:06,817 --> 00:26:08,402
- Back up, guys.
- Do-si-do, do-si-do.
323
00:26:10,362 --> 00:26:11,363
[HEAVY THUD]
324
00:26:11,447 --> 00:26:14,825
- Jesus!
- Do-si-do, do-si-do.
325
00:26:14,908 --> 00:26:16,994
Excuse me. Excuse me.
326
00:26:17,870 --> 00:26:20,372
- [MAN] It's okay.
- Excuse me!
327
00:26:21,457 --> 00:26:24,668
Right, okay. Don't try to move her,
make sure her windpipe is clear...
328
00:26:24,752 --> 00:26:27,588
- She's drunk.
- She's blonde.
329
00:26:27,671 --> 00:26:28,831
[WALTER] You're not a doctor.
330
00:26:29,006 --> 00:26:30,674
[JOANNA] I can take care of this.
331
00:26:30,758 --> 00:26:32,718
- I ran a network.
- [WALTER] Somebody call 911?
332
00:26:32,801 --> 00:26:34,303
- [MAN 1] Mike's here.
- [MAN 2] Mike.
333
00:26:35,679 --> 00:26:41,185
- Mike!
- [REPEATING] Do-si-do, do-si-do.
334
00:26:41,268 --> 00:26:43,228
- [WALTER] Mike.
- It's okay. I'm here.
335
00:26:43,312 --> 00:26:44,897
Walt, the missus.
336
00:26:44,980 --> 00:26:46,732
- Jo.
- The missus?
337
00:26:46,815 --> 00:26:49,318
Walter, what is your problem?
338
00:26:50,402 --> 00:26:52,613
I'm... Hey!
339
00:26:52,696 --> 00:26:54,782
[JOANNA] Uh, excuse...
340
00:26:55,616 --> 00:26:57,075
[JOANNA STAMMERING]
341
00:26:58,827 --> 00:27:00,621
- [ELECTRICAL CHARGE]
- What was that?
342
00:27:01,747 --> 00:27:05,501
Herb, Dave, give me a hand
and get Sarah right into my Hummer.
343
00:27:05,584 --> 00:27:08,086
- Your Hummer?
- [DAVE] It's a sweet ride.
344
00:27:08,170 --> 00:27:11,340
- It's roomy.
- We need an ambulance.
345
00:27:11,423 --> 00:27:14,885
You shouldn't be moving her.
She might need oxygen, paramedics...
346
00:27:15,719 --> 00:27:19,848
- Everything isn't always about you.
- Walter.
347
00:27:19,932 --> 00:27:24,812
She'll be fine.
It's too much sun, she's dehydrated.
348
00:27:24,895 --> 00:27:26,688
Dehydrated? Are you crazy?
349
00:27:26,772 --> 00:27:31,652
- Jo! Sorry about this, Mike.
- Joanna...
350
00:27:31,735 --> 00:27:35,489
This is a very special moment.
I would like you to meet...
351
00:27:35,572 --> 00:27:37,950
- Mike Wellington.
- My husband.
352
00:27:38,033 --> 00:27:40,869
- Oh.
- You must be the famous Joanna.
353
00:27:40,953 --> 00:27:44,665
You're even prettier than in the
newspapers. They don't do you justice.
354
00:27:44,748 --> 00:27:47,918
That woman is very sick.
I should be going with her.
355
00:27:48,001 --> 00:27:51,088
She'll get all the help she needs.
Trust me, little lady.
356
00:27:57,219 --> 00:28:01,932
That woman had a seizure
and she was practically levitating.
357
00:28:02,015 --> 00:28:05,435
I have told you five million times,
I phoned Herb.
358
00:28:05,519 --> 00:28:10,315
He said that Sarah is fine, she just
needed some fluids, like Mike said.
359
00:28:10,399 --> 00:28:13,861
- She was sparking.
- She was dancing.
360
00:28:13,944 --> 00:28:15,404
Why wasn't there a doctor?
361
00:28:15,487 --> 00:28:16,822
- And why...
- The kids.
362
00:28:17,865 --> 00:28:19,032
Oh!
363
00:28:19,116 --> 00:28:20,617
Why...
364
00:28:22,244 --> 00:28:24,121
Walter. Walter.
365
00:28:24,204 --> 00:28:26,915
Why did everyone automatically
listen to that Mike person?
366
00:28:26,999 --> 00:28:29,042
Why was everyone standing there?
367
00:28:29,126 --> 00:28:31,211
You mean,
why weren't they listening to you?
368
00:28:31,295 --> 00:28:35,007
- That's not what I'm saying!
- Jesus Christ, Joanna.
369
00:28:35,090 --> 00:28:37,050
- What?
- You were fired.
370
00:28:37,134 --> 00:28:40,596
Your kids barely know you
and our marriage is falling apart.
371
00:28:40,679 --> 00:28:43,348
Your attitude
makes people want to kill you.
372
00:28:43,432 --> 00:28:47,811
It makes people try to kill you.
That's what we're doing here.
373
00:28:47,895 --> 00:28:51,148
The people in this town
have been nothing but friendly
374
00:28:51,231 --> 00:28:53,692
and welcoming and wonderful to you.
375
00:28:53,775 --> 00:28:56,570
And you've been nothing
but snide and suspicious.
376
00:28:56,653 --> 00:29:00,657
And at the picnic, you humiliated me.
Well, I can't do it anymore.
377
00:29:00,741 --> 00:29:04,161
I can't keep fighting you
for every inch of everything.
378
00:29:04,244 --> 00:29:07,039
Game over. Marriage over.
379
00:29:07,122 --> 00:29:09,041
No!
380
00:29:09,124 --> 00:29:10,584
- No!
- No, what?
381
00:29:10,667 --> 00:29:12,544
Please don't go.
382
00:29:12,628 --> 00:29:14,713
- Why not?
- Because you're right.
383
00:29:18,091 --> 00:29:20,731
Wait, I'm sorry. I don't think
I heard that. What did you just say?
384
00:29:24,389 --> 00:29:28,143
- I said, "You're right."
- About?
385
00:29:28,769 --> 00:29:30,520
About everything.
386
00:29:33,357 --> 00:29:35,484
Oh. About me.
387
00:30:02,135 --> 00:30:04,846
Do you know why I signed on
at the network?
388
00:30:06,473 --> 00:30:09,434
'Cause I thought that if I was around,
I could help you lighten up.
389
00:30:10,811 --> 00:30:13,480
- You did?
- Yeah, I did.
390
00:30:13,563 --> 00:30:16,942
What was that one show called?
I Can Do Everybody.
391
00:30:17,025 --> 00:30:18,026
[CHUCKLES]
392
00:30:18,110 --> 00:30:20,612
See, that's what I mean.
I wanted to make you laugh.
393
00:30:22,948 --> 00:30:24,950
That's so sweet, but I...
394
00:30:26,660 --> 00:30:31,707
I was busy,
I was running a network, Walter.
395
00:30:32,582 --> 00:30:35,127
You were so busy that
we haven't made love in over a year.
396
00:30:35,210 --> 00:30:38,672
- I know.
- Well, I miss you.
397
00:30:40,007 --> 00:30:44,136
But I've always loved you so much, I...
398
00:30:45,345 --> 00:30:46,930
You know that.
399
00:30:48,098 --> 00:30:49,766
Why?
400
00:30:50,976 --> 00:30:53,270
Because. Because...
401
00:30:54,604 --> 00:30:56,648
you're goofy and you're...
402
00:30:57,607 --> 00:31:00,068
you're handsome and you're...
403
00:31:00,944 --> 00:31:03,238
You're my Walter.
404
00:31:05,073 --> 00:31:07,451
And because when you play computer chess,
405
00:31:07,534 --> 00:31:12,247
you do that little... victory dance.
406
00:31:12,330 --> 00:31:14,458
- I do not.
- [CHUCKLING] Yes, you do.
407
00:31:14,541 --> 00:31:16,209
No, I don't.
408
00:31:16,877 --> 00:31:18,128
Mm-hmm.
409
00:31:21,965 --> 00:31:26,011
If I'm not the smartest,
and the best of the best,
410
00:31:26,094 --> 00:31:30,098
and the most successful,
then I don't know, who am I?
411
00:31:30,182 --> 00:31:32,267
Do you want to find out?
412
00:31:34,061 --> 00:31:35,353
How?
413
00:31:37,189 --> 00:31:40,317
First of all, we're in the country now,
so no more black.
414
00:31:40,400 --> 00:31:42,944
- No more black? Are you insane?
- You heard me.
415
00:31:43,028 --> 00:31:47,115
Only high-powered, neurotic, castrating
Manhattan career bitches wear black.
416
00:31:47,199 --> 00:31:48,533
Is that what you want to be?
417
00:31:49,534 --> 00:31:51,661
Ever since I was a little girl.
418
00:31:56,041 --> 00:31:58,126
Do I really look okay?
419
00:32:01,129 --> 00:32:03,423
- Can I be honest?
- Mm-hmm.
420
00:32:03,507 --> 00:32:05,759
- You look kinda like Betty Crocker.
- I know.
421
00:32:05,842 --> 00:32:10,138
- At Betty Ford.
- [COMPUTER] We need milk.
422
00:32:10,222 --> 00:32:13,809
Thank you. I'm trying
to make an effort to change.
423
00:32:13,892 --> 00:32:16,228
Last night,
my husband was a different person.
424
00:32:16,311 --> 00:32:18,480
He was strong, he was forceful.
425
00:32:18,563 --> 00:32:21,274
- He was commanding.
- Like your refrigerator.
426
00:32:21,358 --> 00:32:23,151
Nobody said it was going to be easy,
427
00:32:23,235 --> 00:32:26,029
being a homemaker and a stay-at-home mom.
428
00:32:26,113 --> 00:32:28,657
It's the toughest job in the world, right?
429
00:32:28,740 --> 00:32:32,369
That may be, but these Stepford women,
they're a whole other dimension.
430
00:32:32,452 --> 00:32:35,831
Like yesterday.
That poor lady, Sarah Sunderson.
431
00:32:35,914 --> 00:32:37,833
Walter said she's fine.
432
00:32:37,916 --> 00:32:40,127
You said she was shooting off
sparks from her ears.
433
00:32:40,210 --> 00:32:41,753
- That's the first sign.
- Of what?
434
00:32:41,837 --> 00:32:43,296
Cheap jewelry.
435
00:32:44,422 --> 00:32:46,967
- We should go see her.
- Why?
436
00:32:47,050 --> 00:32:49,177
Because we need to be supportive.
437
00:32:49,261 --> 00:32:53,014
That's how people behave outside of
Manhattan. They care about each other.
438
00:32:53,723 --> 00:32:56,643
In New York, if one of your neighbors
got sick, what would you do?
439
00:32:56,726 --> 00:32:58,436
- Call her.
- To see if she was gonna die.
440
00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:00,981
- So we could get the apartment.
- Let's go.
441
00:33:01,064 --> 00:33:03,150
Up! Up! Up!
442
00:33:03,233 --> 00:33:05,360
[KNOCKING]
443
00:33:05,443 --> 00:33:06,543
Sarah?
444
00:33:08,321 --> 00:33:09,865
Yoo-hoo.
445
00:33:09,948 --> 00:33:11,241
Yoo-hoo?
446
00:33:11,324 --> 00:33:13,160
- Is she in there?
- Roger!
447
00:33:13,243 --> 00:33:15,245
- It's open.
- That's amazing.
448
00:33:15,328 --> 00:33:17,455
- That's so sweet.
- And so trusting.
449
00:33:23,295 --> 00:33:26,756
- Roger.
- Look at this place.
450
00:33:27,924 --> 00:33:30,135
Sarah? Sarah?
451
00:33:31,595 --> 00:33:35,473
[SARAH MOANING] Oh, Herb!
452
00:33:35,557 --> 00:33:37,184
Roger!
453
00:33:40,270 --> 00:33:41,813
[SARAH] Oh, Herb!
454
00:33:44,399 --> 00:33:47,027
Oh, yes! Oh, yes!
455
00:33:47,110 --> 00:33:49,446
- Make me beg!
- [HERB] Yeah!
456
00:33:50,780 --> 00:33:53,742
[SARAH] I'm so lucky!
457
00:33:53,825 --> 00:33:55,911
- Oh, my God!
- Is that a DVD?
458
00:33:55,994 --> 00:33:57,370
No, it's them.
459
00:33:57,454 --> 00:34:00,999
[SARAH] Oh! Oh! Oh!
460
00:34:01,082 --> 00:34:02,667
You're the king!
461
00:34:04,711 --> 00:34:06,004
Yes!
462
00:34:08,465 --> 00:34:10,926
[HIGH-PITCHED SCREAMING]
463
00:34:19,851 --> 00:34:21,311
Oh!
464
00:34:21,394 --> 00:34:23,480
I'm going up there.
465
00:34:23,563 --> 00:34:26,024
- Why?
- I want some.
466
00:34:26,107 --> 00:34:27,859
Roger!
467
00:34:27,943 --> 00:34:31,363
- [CHUCKLING]
- [SHUSHES]
468
00:34:35,951 --> 00:34:39,162
- [HERB] Baby, grab me some nachos.
- [SARAH] Yes, dear.
469
00:34:40,247 --> 00:34:42,832
[JOANNA] We should get out of here!
470
00:34:44,793 --> 00:34:46,253
What's this?
471
00:34:48,922 --> 00:34:51,633
- Roger, put it down.
- What? Oh, come on.
472
00:34:51,716 --> 00:34:52,816
Roger.
473
00:34:52,884 --> 00:34:54,594
[ROGER] Why does it say "Sarah"?
474
00:34:54,678 --> 00:34:55,887
Put it down.
475
00:34:55,971 --> 00:34:57,931
Let's get out of here. This is not right.
476
00:34:58,014 --> 00:35:00,767
- Roger, come on.
- [BOBBIE] For God's sake!
477
00:35:00,850 --> 00:35:04,646
- We're trespassing!
- [JOANNA] We have to get out of here.
478
00:35:04,729 --> 00:35:08,358
- Okay, it's totally useless.
- Come on, we have to go!
479
00:35:08,441 --> 00:35:09,818
[LOUD THUD]
480
00:35:14,531 --> 00:35:17,742
- Oh, my God.
- Hurry, hurry, hurry.
481
00:35:20,996 --> 00:35:23,331
[ALL LAUGHING]
482
00:35:23,999 --> 00:35:26,167
[BOBBIE] I can't believe we did that.
483
00:35:27,085 --> 00:35:28,837
[ROGER] I'm so embarrassed.
484
00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:31,548
- I'm mortified. I'm famished.
- [GASPS]
485
00:35:35,969 --> 00:35:38,054
- [JOANNA] Bobbie!
- Yeah?
486
00:35:38,138 --> 00:35:39,848
Are you making anthrax?
487
00:35:39,931 --> 00:35:42,976
Excuse me? I've been busy. My new book.
488
00:35:43,059 --> 00:35:46,187
But can't you hire someone to clean?
Someone brave?
489
00:35:46,271 --> 00:35:49,107
Dave says I gotta do it myself,
like Sarah Sunderson.
490
00:35:49,190 --> 00:35:52,193
- Could you believe her?
- Darling, her home is spotless.
491
00:35:52,944 --> 00:35:56,781
And she's having incredible sex in
the middle of the day with her husband.
492
00:35:56,865 --> 00:35:59,951
I'm sorry, but my shrink says
I need creative chaos.
493
00:36:00,035 --> 00:36:01,619
My therapist says I need boundaries.
494
00:36:01,703 --> 00:36:05,290
My doctor said I need enough
electricity to jump-start Vegas.
495
00:36:05,373 --> 00:36:07,709
- Have you ever done Zoloft?
- Kid stuff.
496
00:36:07,792 --> 00:36:11,379
Xanax. I worship Xanax. I'm old-fashioned.
497
00:36:11,463 --> 00:36:15,383
I like Prozac with a Viagra chaser.
You're up and you're up!
498
00:36:15,467 --> 00:36:18,803
- Oh, Roger.
- Viagra!
499
00:36:18,887 --> 00:36:22,682
[CHUCKLES] Hey, is there something
that you need to tell us?
500
00:36:22,766 --> 00:36:23,866
[ROGER] Well...
501
00:36:24,559 --> 00:36:27,145
Sharing! Okay.
502
00:36:30,732 --> 00:36:34,361
Jerry and I have been
at couples counseling, for over a year.
503
00:36:35,612 --> 00:36:38,531
And finally,
I just couldn't take it anymore.
504
00:36:38,615 --> 00:36:41,493
I howled,
"You've became a gay Republican."
505
00:36:42,202 --> 00:36:44,621
And he said, "What's wrong with that?"
506
00:36:45,372 --> 00:36:48,750
I said, "That's like wanting to be gay
with a bad haircut."
507
00:36:48,833 --> 00:36:50,251
Exactly.
508
00:36:50,335 --> 00:36:53,296
The counselor suggested
we move to the 'burbs.
509
00:36:53,380 --> 00:36:56,424
- To find a balance.
- We moved here as a last resort.
510
00:36:57,217 --> 00:36:59,260
Court order. Don't ask.
511
00:36:59,344 --> 00:37:02,097
[JOANNA] Okay. I know this is unthinkable,
512
00:37:02,180 --> 00:37:07,102
but what if we could actually learn
how to be happy?
513
00:37:07,185 --> 00:37:10,855
Without Paxil, or compulsive overeating.
514
00:37:11,773 --> 00:37:14,401
What if we gave this whole thing a try?
515
00:37:14,484 --> 00:37:16,444
For real. The whole Stepford thing.
516
00:37:24,619 --> 00:37:27,664
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
517
00:37:33,545 --> 00:37:35,171
Whoo!
518
00:37:35,255 --> 00:37:36,355
Hey, yeah!
519
00:37:36,381 --> 00:37:38,925
Only one can survive.
520
00:37:39,008 --> 00:37:41,553
[ALL CHANTING] Zeus! Zeus! Zeus!
521
00:37:47,183 --> 00:37:49,936
Let's go, baby. Rip her bra off!
522
00:37:51,563 --> 00:37:54,441
- Yeah!
- [ALL CHEERING]
523
00:37:54,524 --> 00:37:57,360
Zeus rules the universe!
524
00:37:59,821 --> 00:38:03,700
And Ted owes Walter 20 big ones.
525
00:38:04,659 --> 00:38:07,662
- Ah! To be a man!
- Whoo!
526
00:38:09,080 --> 00:38:13,126
- Ah.
- [MIKE] So, Walt.
527
00:38:13,209 --> 00:38:16,379
You and Stepford.
It seems like a real match.
528
00:38:16,463 --> 00:38:20,508
I'll say. I mean, the town and the houses.
529
00:38:20,592 --> 00:38:22,385
This place.
530
00:38:22,469 --> 00:38:26,931
It's like a dream. It's like...
the way life was meant to be.
531
00:38:27,724 --> 00:38:30,852
And all of your wives. Oh, my God.
532
00:38:31,603 --> 00:38:35,732
Oh, my God. They're so... So, um...
533
00:38:35,815 --> 00:38:37,734
Sweet?
534
00:38:37,817 --> 00:38:39,527
Sizzlin'?
535
00:38:39,611 --> 00:38:43,406
- Superfine.
- [ALL CHUCKLING]
536
00:39:04,511 --> 00:39:05,720
Well...
537
00:39:07,138 --> 00:39:09,557
We are all so thrilled to be here
538
00:39:09,641 --> 00:39:12,018
at the Stepford Book Club,
I can't tell you.
539
00:39:13,770 --> 00:39:19,901
Now, I have just finished the third volume
of Robert Caro's "Life of Lyndon Johnson,"
540
00:39:19,984 --> 00:39:23,112
and I am dying for the next installment.
541
00:39:24,614 --> 00:39:28,660
Well, that's all marvelous.
542
00:39:28,743 --> 00:39:30,703
But today we are going to discuss...
543
00:39:30,787 --> 00:39:35,792
Well, it is probably the most important
book any of us will ever read.
544
00:39:35,875 --> 00:39:39,796
Yes, it is provocative,
but it is also inspiring.
545
00:39:41,256 --> 00:39:44,968
The Heritage Hill Special Edition
Golden Deluxe Treasury
546
00:39:45,051 --> 00:39:47,011
of Christmas Keepsakes and Collectibles.
547
00:39:47,095 --> 00:39:48,763
[GASPING]
548
00:39:58,064 --> 00:40:02,193
This book said to me, "Let's celebrate
the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ
549
00:40:02,277 --> 00:40:05,071
- with yarn."
- [GASPING] Yarn.
550
00:40:05,655 --> 00:40:09,659
Now, Bobbie, we realize you're probably
feeling a bit uncomfortable
551
00:40:09,742 --> 00:40:12,412
with this week's book, because you're...
552
00:40:12,495 --> 00:40:14,581
- What's the word I'm looking for?
- New?
553
00:40:14,664 --> 00:40:16,249
- Scared?
- Cranky?
554
00:40:16,332 --> 00:40:18,835
- Jewish.
- Same thing.
555
00:40:18,918 --> 00:40:21,838
But the Heritage Hill series
is very inclusive.
556
00:40:21,921 --> 00:40:25,967
In fact, there is a whole chapter
about Chanukah.
557
00:40:26,050 --> 00:40:29,137
I just loved the chapter on pine cones.
558
00:40:29,220 --> 00:40:31,681
They're not just
for wreaths and centerpieces.
559
00:40:31,764 --> 00:40:35,893
You can use pine cones to create
a very special Yuletide menorah.
560
00:40:35,977 --> 00:40:39,314
Your pine cone snowman could be Jewish.
Just add a beanie.
561
00:40:40,064 --> 00:40:43,359
Or maybe I could use hundreds
of pine cones to spell out the words,
562
00:40:43,443 --> 00:40:47,822
"Big Jew" in letters 15 feet tall
in the snow on my front yard.
563
00:40:53,119 --> 00:40:56,706
- That's a wonderful idea.
- [ALL CHUCKLING]
564
00:40:57,915 --> 00:41:01,252
- That's fantastic.
- [WOMAN] So sweet!
565
00:41:01,336 --> 00:41:05,214
I love the idea of creating a life-size
Santa Claus all out of pine cones.
566
00:41:05,298 --> 00:41:06,883
Okay, I love that.
567
00:41:07,592 --> 00:41:11,179
I'm going to use a pine cone
in my Nativity as the baby Jesus.
568
00:41:11,929 --> 00:41:14,599
I'm going to attach
a pine cone to my vibrator
569
00:41:14,682 --> 00:41:16,893
and have a really Merry Christmas.
570
00:41:17,685 --> 00:41:18,785
Oh.
571
00:41:21,064 --> 00:41:24,651
♪ Here comes Santa Claus
Right down Santa Clause Lane ♪
572
00:41:24,734 --> 00:41:29,155
♪ He's got a bag that's filled with toys
For boys and girls again ♪
573
00:41:29,238 --> 00:41:32,950
♪ Hear those sleigh bells jingle jangle
Oh, what a beautiful sight ♪
574
00:41:33,034 --> 00:41:37,205
♪ So jump in bed, cover up your head
Santa Claus comes tonight! ♪
575
00:41:37,288 --> 00:41:39,374
- ♪ Santa Claus comes tonight ♪
- [WOMAN] Oh!
576
00:41:39,457 --> 00:41:41,250
[LAUGHING]
577
00:41:41,334 --> 00:41:45,296
- Joanna, how's she fitting in?
- Well...
578
00:41:46,964 --> 00:41:48,174
Okay.
579
00:41:49,008 --> 00:41:50,968
- I'm among friends, right?
- Of course.
580
00:41:51,052 --> 00:41:53,012
[WALTER] So...
581
00:41:53,096 --> 00:41:55,973
Joanna and I had this big talk.
582
00:41:57,100 --> 00:42:00,019
And we were really open
with each other, I mean...
583
00:42:00,103 --> 00:42:01,813
We really got it all out.
584
00:42:02,647 --> 00:42:04,148
And I think from now on,
585
00:42:05,983 --> 00:42:08,319
she's going to be very, very different.
586
00:42:08,403 --> 00:42:10,279
[LAUGHING QUIETLY]
587
00:42:12,782 --> 00:42:16,327
You think Joanna's really going to change?
588
00:42:16,411 --> 00:42:19,997
Yes, I do. Absolutely.
589
00:42:21,165 --> 00:42:23,376
And how long have you been married?
590
00:42:23,459 --> 00:42:26,963
[ALL LAUGHING]
591
00:42:32,927 --> 00:42:34,804
- Ted.
- Yes?
592
00:42:34,887 --> 00:42:37,098
Don't you owe Walter $20?
593
00:42:42,854 --> 00:42:44,981
That's absolutely right, I do.
594
00:42:45,773 --> 00:42:46,873
Babe!
595
00:42:55,992 --> 00:42:57,702
Yes, darling?
596
00:42:57,785 --> 00:43:00,788
Walt, sit down.
597
00:43:04,792 --> 00:43:05,892
I need 20.
598
00:43:07,211 --> 00:43:09,839
- You know my PIN.
- Of course.
599
00:43:12,925 --> 00:43:14,427
[BEEPING]
600
00:43:59,514 --> 00:44:01,224
She gives singles.
601
00:44:03,935 --> 00:44:07,814
[GRADUAL LAUGHTER]
602
00:44:16,864 --> 00:44:19,534
- [BEEP]
- [POWERING OFF]
603
00:44:23,996 --> 00:44:25,748
- [BIRDS CHIRPING]
- [BELL DINGS]
604
00:44:27,416 --> 00:44:29,085
[JOANNA] Ah.
605
00:44:33,381 --> 00:44:35,550
Are these all for day camp tomorrow?
606
00:44:35,633 --> 00:44:39,470
- I want you to be proud of me, honey.
- [ROBOT DOG BARKING]
607
00:44:39,554 --> 00:44:41,597
- [PETER] Watch this.
- [BELL RINGS]
608
00:44:41,681 --> 00:44:44,934
- Ball.
- [BARKS]
609
00:44:45,893 --> 00:44:50,064
- Aren't robots cool?
- Oh, yeah.
610
00:44:50,147 --> 00:44:52,859
May I speak to the man of the house?
611
00:44:52,942 --> 00:44:55,486
- Stud bud!
- Funkmaster Markowitz!
612
00:44:55,570 --> 00:44:58,739
- Stone Cold Thrilla Killa Kresbo!
- Cupcakes anyone?
613
00:44:58,823 --> 00:45:02,493
- Cupcakes!
- Cupcakes. Right on time.
614
00:45:02,577 --> 00:45:05,496
Jo, these are smokin'.
Why don't you make stuff like this?
615
00:45:05,580 --> 00:45:09,333
- Why don't you?
- Because I have a penis.
616
00:45:09,417 --> 00:45:12,420
- We should get moving.
- We've got a meeting.
617
00:45:12,503 --> 00:45:15,506
- At the Men's Association.
- [JOANNA] When will you be home, honey?
618
00:45:20,094 --> 00:45:21,194
When I'm home.
619
00:45:41,991 --> 00:45:43,576
Call a sitter!
620
00:45:45,745 --> 00:45:47,830
- [CRICKETS CHIRPING]
- [FROGS CROAKING]
621
00:45:52,543 --> 00:45:54,921
[JOANNA] Bobbie, are you sure about this?
622
00:45:55,004 --> 00:45:57,882
[BOBBIE] We're not spying.
We're just visiting.
623
00:45:57,965 --> 00:46:02,595
Fellas, I can't tell you how happy we are
to welcome all of this new blood.
624
00:46:02,678 --> 00:46:04,764
- [MAN] You said it.
- [MAN 2] That's right.
625
00:46:04,847 --> 00:46:07,224
[ROGER] I love, love this space.
626
00:46:07,308 --> 00:46:10,853
It's very Ralph Lauren
meets Sherlock Holmes.
627
00:46:10,937 --> 00:46:14,148
- It says, "I have taste and a scrotum."
- You promised.
628
00:46:14,231 --> 00:46:15,650
- Whore.
- Bore.
629
00:46:16,651 --> 00:46:18,945
- Sorry.
- No, Jerry.
630
00:46:19,028 --> 00:46:21,614
You're gonna find Stepford
is very open-minded.
631
00:46:21,697 --> 00:46:25,076
We welcome you and your partner
just like any other couple.
632
00:46:25,159 --> 00:46:26,577
- Absolutely.
- Sure.
633
00:46:26,661 --> 00:46:28,454
- That's right.
- Girlfriend.
634
00:46:28,537 --> 00:46:29,956
[CHUCKLING]
635
00:46:30,039 --> 00:46:31,958
Miss... Miss Thing.
636
00:46:34,043 --> 00:46:36,295
- To Stepford!
- [ALL] Stepford!
637
00:46:38,381 --> 00:46:41,676
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
638
00:46:47,014 --> 00:46:48,849
Damn! Come on, let's go.
639
00:46:48,933 --> 00:46:51,519
You think this is all right,
sneaking around?
640
00:46:51,602 --> 00:46:53,187
Add it up.
641
00:46:53,270 --> 00:46:57,149
All the women around here
are perfect sex kitten bimbos.
642
00:46:57,233 --> 00:47:01,362
All the men are drooling nerds.
Doesn't that seem strange?
643
00:47:01,445 --> 00:47:03,322
- Not to me.
- Why not?
644
00:47:03,406 --> 00:47:05,658
- I work in television.
- Oh, come on.
645
00:47:08,077 --> 00:47:10,830
I think Joanna's right.
I think Stepford is the answer.
646
00:47:10,913 --> 00:47:13,124
- She's a great gal.
- Or she will be.
647
00:47:13,207 --> 00:47:14,709
[THUMPING]
648
00:47:15,918 --> 00:47:18,254
- [COUGHING]
- [STRAINING]
649
00:47:18,337 --> 00:47:20,715
[BOBBIE] Come on, help me up.
650
00:47:20,798 --> 00:47:23,759
- [JOANNA] We shouldn't be here.
- Oh, come on.
651
00:47:23,843 --> 00:47:27,888
- Don't be such a chicken.
- I should be home with my cupcakes.
652
00:47:27,972 --> 00:47:31,600
Why? Because you only made 5,000 of them?
653
00:47:31,684 --> 00:47:35,229
- We're trespassing.
- Only if we get caught.
654
00:47:36,814 --> 00:47:39,442
- Damn, I can't see a thing.
- Oh.
655
00:47:39,525 --> 00:47:42,403
- There's the light, there it is.
- No, Bobbie...
656
00:47:58,961 --> 00:48:01,380
It's like some alien freak show.
657
00:48:01,464 --> 00:48:03,883
Why? They're just family portraits.
658
00:48:03,966 --> 00:48:05,066
That's what I said.
659
00:48:06,927 --> 00:48:09,764
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
660
00:48:09,847 --> 00:48:11,557
The lights!
661
00:48:15,019 --> 00:48:17,104
- We should get out of here.
- [SHUSHES]
662
00:48:18,189 --> 00:48:20,608
[JOANNA PANTING]
663
00:48:20,691 --> 00:48:22,693
- Should we run?
- [SHUSHES]
664
00:48:28,324 --> 00:48:29,909
Oh, my God.
665
00:48:32,787 --> 00:48:35,498
[FLOOR CREAKING]
666
00:49:03,150 --> 00:49:05,402
- [IMITATING HANNIBAL LECTER] Clarice?
- [WHIMPERING]
667
00:49:06,403 --> 00:49:09,073
- Hi, girls!
- Roger!
668
00:49:09,156 --> 00:49:11,575
- You scared us!
- What are you doing?
669
00:49:11,659 --> 00:49:13,119
What's going on?
670
00:49:13,202 --> 00:49:15,579
Do they have hookers,
or old Playboys or cable porn?
671
00:49:16,247 --> 00:49:18,040
Oh, please,
they barely have throw pillows.
672
00:49:20,000 --> 00:49:22,253
- They're coming!
- The menfolk.
673
00:49:22,336 --> 00:49:24,380
- Call us.
- Okay.
674
00:49:25,506 --> 00:49:26,841
[MIKE] Rog?
675
00:49:29,385 --> 00:49:31,887
What was it? Did you see anyone?
676
00:49:31,971 --> 00:49:35,516
Not a soul. But what's back here, anyway?
677
00:49:35,599 --> 00:49:38,519
In all of these rooms? Storage? Sweaters?
678
00:49:38,602 --> 00:49:39,979
Bodies?
679
00:49:40,062 --> 00:49:42,731
- Jerry.
- You see that door on your left?
680
00:49:44,733 --> 00:49:45,833
Check it out.
681
00:49:46,694 --> 00:49:48,404
Oh, boy.
682
00:49:51,824 --> 00:49:55,452
- I can't see anything, it's dark.
- Use your flashlight.
683
00:49:55,536 --> 00:49:59,123
I feel like Nancy Drew
in The Mystery of the Mid-life Crisis.
684
00:50:06,672 --> 00:50:10,092
- What am I looking for?
- Look down.
685
00:50:16,348 --> 00:50:18,642
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
686
00:50:23,856 --> 00:50:25,357
Jerry?
687
00:50:30,362 --> 00:50:31,614
Roger!
688
00:50:33,866 --> 00:50:35,784
- Roger.
- Bobbie.
689
00:50:35,868 --> 00:50:38,621
- Roger.
- Bobbie.
690
00:50:38,704 --> 00:50:39,804
Roger!
691
00:50:42,541 --> 00:50:45,878
Roger said there was nothing going on
at the Men's Association.
692
00:50:45,961 --> 00:50:49,757
[BOBBIE] Why doesn't he answer
the phone? It's been two days.
693
00:50:49,840 --> 00:50:53,427
Roger. Roger!
694
00:50:57,389 --> 00:51:00,517
Isn't that his favorite shirt?
The Dolce & Gabbana?
695
00:51:05,981 --> 00:51:09,360
His Guccis. And the Versace.
696
00:51:09,443 --> 00:51:12,446
- Maybe he's donating.
- To what? The gay homeless?
697
00:51:13,906 --> 00:51:15,366
He loved this.
698
00:51:16,492 --> 00:51:18,452
His program from Hairspray.
699
00:51:19,453 --> 00:51:21,455
- Oh, my God.
- What is it?
700
00:51:23,624 --> 00:51:25,167
Viggo!
701
00:51:27,670 --> 00:51:30,339
[BAND PLAYS]
702
00:51:43,102 --> 00:51:45,038
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm Jerry Harmon.
703
00:51:45,062 --> 00:51:49,608
I know I'm pretty new here,
but already I feel so at home.
704
00:51:49,692 --> 00:51:51,944
Why did Jerry ask us to meet him here?
705
00:51:52,486 --> 00:51:57,241
...proud that I can introduce Stepford's
brand-new candidate for state senate.
706
00:51:57,324 --> 00:52:01,954
Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you Mr. Roger Bannister!
707
00:52:02,997 --> 00:52:04,097
What?
708
00:52:09,753 --> 00:52:11,338
He's wonderful.
709
00:52:21,432 --> 00:52:23,851
[ROGER] Thank you. Thank you so much.
710
00:52:25,269 --> 00:52:29,106
You may very well ask, what are
my qualifications for higher office?
711
00:52:29,189 --> 00:52:34,320
I believe in Stepford,
America and the power of prayer.
712
00:52:34,403 --> 00:52:37,197
Values I've discovered,
thanks to my partner,
713
00:52:37,281 --> 00:52:40,784
in life and in the Lord, Jerry Harmon.
714
00:52:44,913 --> 00:52:46,582
Roger! Roger!
715
00:52:46,665 --> 00:52:49,001
Yes, is there a question? Mrs. Markowitz.
716
00:52:49,918 --> 00:52:54,214
- So you two are happy now?
- More than ever.
717
00:52:54,298 --> 00:52:57,593
Because now I know being gay
doesn't mean a guy has to be effeminate
718
00:52:57,676 --> 00:53:00,054
or flamboyant or sensitive.
719
00:53:00,137 --> 00:53:02,139
- I'm no sissy.
- No!
720
00:53:02,222 --> 00:53:03,932
[MAN] Way to go, Roger!
721
00:53:04,016 --> 00:53:07,311
- Roger!
- Yes, Mrs. Walter Kresby.
722
00:53:07,394 --> 00:53:11,607
I don't understand. You were out there,
you were Roger, and now...
723
00:53:11,690 --> 00:53:14,943
You're different. Your hair, your clothes.
You're like someone else.
724
00:53:15,569 --> 00:53:18,697
- People change.
- You can't stop Stepford!
725
00:53:18,781 --> 00:53:20,949
You can't stop Stepford!
726
00:53:21,033 --> 00:53:24,244
[CROWD CHANTING] You can't stop Stepford!
727
00:53:24,328 --> 00:53:27,790
You can't stop Stepford!
You can't stop Stepford!
728
00:53:27,873 --> 00:53:31,293
You can't stop Stepford!
You can't stop Stepford!
729
00:53:31,377 --> 00:53:34,797
You can't stop Stepford!
You can't stop Stepford!
730
00:53:48,018 --> 00:53:51,146
That's why we have to leave Stepford?
I'm not following.
731
00:53:51,230 --> 00:53:56,944
Okay. Before, Roger was witty
and stylish and ironic.
732
00:53:57,027 --> 00:53:58,987
- And I'm sure he still is.
- No!
733
00:53:59,071 --> 00:54:02,116
Now he's making speeches
in a Brooks Brothers suit.
734
00:54:02,199 --> 00:54:06,995
There's lots of ways to be gay.
Don't try to make him into a stereotype.
735
00:54:08,288 --> 00:54:11,417
Bobbie is right. And she's leaving too.
736
00:54:11,500 --> 00:54:14,002
This place does something to people.
737
00:54:14,670 --> 00:54:18,632
All of the women are always busy
and perfect and smiling.
738
00:54:18,715 --> 00:54:22,094
- All the men are always happy.
- And that's a problem because...
739
00:54:22,177 --> 00:54:24,805
Because it's not normal.
740
00:54:24,888 --> 00:54:28,100
It's not the world. It's not us.
741
00:54:28,851 --> 00:54:31,478
And I'm picking up our kids
from camp right now
742
00:54:31,562 --> 00:54:33,647
and we're getting out of here.
743
00:54:34,815 --> 00:54:36,108
[SIGHS]
744
00:54:36,191 --> 00:54:37,818
With or without you.
745
00:54:57,838 --> 00:55:00,174
- [COMPUTER] Secure.
- [SCREAMS]
746
00:55:01,091 --> 00:55:03,093
[WALTER] You'll never change, will you?
747
00:55:04,011 --> 00:55:05,804
Not really.
748
00:55:05,888 --> 00:55:07,723
Open the door.
749
00:55:14,438 --> 00:55:16,940
[COMPUTER] Unlock front.
750
00:55:17,024 --> 00:55:18,650
And you're right.
751
00:55:22,863 --> 00:55:24,364
About what?
752
00:55:26,700 --> 00:55:29,828
If you're that unhappy,
then we should move.
753
00:55:30,746 --> 00:55:32,289
Maybe head back to the city.
754
00:55:33,290 --> 00:55:35,125
We could leave tomorrow.
755
00:55:37,377 --> 00:55:38,921
Thank you.
756
00:55:43,175 --> 00:55:44,885
Thank you.
757
00:56:01,360 --> 00:56:03,737
[DOG WHIMPERING]
758
00:56:11,537 --> 00:56:13,330
Huh?
759
00:56:19,545 --> 00:56:22,673
What you got there? Huh?
760
00:57:26,903 --> 00:57:28,030
[DOG WHIMPERING]
761
00:57:35,454 --> 00:57:37,539
- [WALTER] Sweetcakes?
- [GASPS]
762
00:57:38,373 --> 00:57:40,626
It's 4:00 am. What are you up to?
763
00:57:40,709 --> 00:57:44,296
Just recipes for tomorrow.
I'd like to get a head start.
764
00:57:44,379 --> 00:57:47,257
- On what?
- Apple pie. Bobbie recommended it.
765
00:57:47,341 --> 00:57:48,717
I'll be right up.
766
00:57:52,220 --> 00:57:53,889
Walter?
767
00:57:55,641 --> 00:57:57,142
Babe?
768
00:58:20,499 --> 00:58:23,377
Bobbie? Bobbie!
769
00:58:27,214 --> 00:58:28,465
Oh, my God.
770
00:58:38,642 --> 00:58:39,810
Bobbie?
771
00:58:54,533 --> 00:58:55,867
Good morning, Joanna.
772
00:59:00,330 --> 00:59:02,165
Isn't it a lovely morning?
773
00:59:04,084 --> 00:59:06,503
That's a pretty color.
774
00:59:06,586 --> 00:59:09,506
- Mom!
- Good morning, my precious ones.
775
00:59:09,589 --> 00:59:13,135
And thank you for leaving
your requests on my email.
776
00:59:13,218 --> 00:59:16,722
Adam, you wanted
peanut butter and jelly, no crusts,
777
00:59:16,805 --> 00:59:18,849
a Snickers bar and a Rolex.
778
00:59:18,932 --> 00:59:22,561
Ben, here's a whole-wheat burrito,
a soy protein shake
779
00:59:22,644 --> 00:59:24,688
and three pieces
of German chocolate layer cake.
780
00:59:24,771 --> 00:59:26,606
- From scratch?
- Of course.
781
00:59:27,232 --> 00:59:31,778
And Max, you get bacon, lettuce
and tomato on a lightly-toasted bagel.
782
00:59:31,862 --> 00:59:35,115
- What about my action figures?
- There's Mace Windu and Amidala.
783
00:59:35,198 --> 00:59:37,409
- Where's Boba Fett?
- They were out.
784
00:59:37,492 --> 00:59:40,412
- Mom!
- Here's $500.
785
00:59:41,079 --> 00:59:42,581
All right.
786
00:59:43,165 --> 00:59:45,459
- Bye, Mom.
- Bye, Joanna.
787
00:59:45,542 --> 00:59:48,628
They grow up so fast.
I think I'll have three more.
788
00:59:48,712 --> 00:59:51,256
Bobbie, listen to me.
What have they done to you?
789
00:59:51,339 --> 00:59:53,550
What have they done to you? Is it drugs?
790
00:59:54,426 --> 00:59:56,094
Is it brainwashing?
791
00:59:56,178 --> 00:59:59,598
- Come on, talk to me.
- Of course, but only for a minute.
792
00:59:59,681 --> 01:00:01,975
Then I have to get to work on this pigsty.
793
01:00:02,058 --> 01:00:04,144
- Coffee?
- No. No coffee.
794
01:00:04,227 --> 01:00:06,813
Bobbie, last night I went online.
795
01:00:06,897 --> 01:00:10,066
I found out that all of the women here
used to be big deals.
796
01:00:10,150 --> 01:00:13,862
I mean, big deals.
CEOs, executives, judges.
797
01:00:13,945 --> 01:00:16,907
Sarah Sunderson,
she used to run an airline.
798
01:00:16,990 --> 01:00:19,159
With that perfect skin?
799
01:00:19,242 --> 01:00:22,496
No! She didn't use to look like that.
None of the women did...
800
01:00:22,579 --> 01:00:25,457
- Coffee?
- No! No coffee!
801
01:00:26,249 --> 01:00:28,627
Bobbie. Bobbie.
802
01:00:29,377 --> 01:00:32,214
- This isn't you.
- That's right, Joanna.
803
01:00:32,297 --> 01:00:35,926
This isn't me. It's a whole new me.
804
01:00:36,635 --> 01:00:41,723
I'm happy and I'm healthy because
I understand what's important in life.
805
01:00:41,807 --> 01:00:43,141
Yes, your new book.
806
01:00:43,225 --> 01:00:46,186
That's what's important. My new cookbook.
807
01:00:46,269 --> 01:00:49,940
And my husband, and my family,
and making a perfect home.
808
01:00:50,023 --> 01:00:53,360
It's a lesson every gal
needs to learn, especially you.
809
01:00:53,443 --> 01:00:56,613
I'm your friend, Joanna.
I'm going to help you.
810
01:00:56,696 --> 01:00:58,698
- You need me.
- Stay away from me.
811
01:00:58,782 --> 01:01:00,951
- You're driven.
- Sometimes.
812
01:01:01,034 --> 01:01:02,619
And you're selfish.
813
01:01:02,702 --> 01:01:05,163
- You want to rule the world.
- No.
814
01:01:05,247 --> 01:01:09,167
I can fix you. I can change you.
815
01:01:09,251 --> 01:01:13,755
What have they done to you?
816
01:01:13,839 --> 01:01:15,382
Let's get busy.
817
01:01:18,385 --> 01:01:19,845
Answer the phone.
818
01:01:20,846 --> 01:01:25,225
Hello. Is this the day camp? Oh.
819
01:01:25,308 --> 01:01:29,062
Yes, this is Joanna Eberhart.
I would like to speak to my children.
820
01:01:29,813 --> 01:01:32,691
- I'm coming to pick them up right now.
- [THUNDER RUMBLING]
821
01:01:35,068 --> 01:01:36,653
What?
822
01:01:40,407 --> 01:01:41,992
Walter!
823
01:01:43,034 --> 01:01:44,536
Walter, where are you?
824
01:01:45,287 --> 01:01:47,414
I know you've got the kids.
825
01:01:47,497 --> 01:01:49,249
Pete? Kimberly?
826
01:02:01,428 --> 01:02:03,430
[PANTING]
827
01:02:29,873 --> 01:02:31,166
[GASPS]
828
01:02:47,140 --> 01:02:49,392
[THUNDER RUMBLING]
829
01:02:52,395 --> 01:02:53,897
Oh, boys!
830
01:02:56,775 --> 01:02:57,875
Welcome.
831
01:03:15,418 --> 01:03:18,046
- Where are my children?
- They're perfectly safe.
832
01:03:18,129 --> 01:03:20,173
Where are my children?
833
01:03:21,091 --> 01:03:23,385
- You'll see them soon.
- Where's Walter?
834
01:03:30,100 --> 01:03:32,227
How could you do this?
835
01:03:33,061 --> 01:03:35,855
Ever since we met,
you've beaten me at everything.
836
01:03:36,982 --> 01:03:38,566
You're better educated,
837
01:03:39,192 --> 01:03:40,902
you're stronger, you're faster,
838
01:03:40,986 --> 01:03:43,405
you're a better dancer,
a better tennis player.
839
01:03:43,488 --> 01:03:47,701
You've always earned at least six
figures more than I could ever dream of.
840
01:03:47,784 --> 01:03:51,579
You're a better speaker,
a better executive.
841
01:03:53,081 --> 01:03:55,125
You're even better at sex. Don't deny it.
842
01:03:55,959 --> 01:03:57,877
I wasn't going to.
843
01:03:58,586 --> 01:04:01,214
- Well, don't I get anything?
- You got me.
844
01:04:01,297 --> 01:04:03,508
No, I got to hold your purse.
845
01:04:03,591 --> 01:04:06,594
I got to tell the kids
that you'd be late again.
846
01:04:06,678 --> 01:04:09,514
I got to tell the press
that you had no comment.
847
01:04:09,597 --> 01:04:12,267
- I got to work for you.
- With me.
848
01:04:12,350 --> 01:04:13,560
Under you!
849
01:04:14,644 --> 01:04:18,189
All of us. We married Wonder Women.
850
01:04:19,190 --> 01:04:22,569
Supergirls. Amazon queens.
851
01:04:22,652 --> 01:04:24,237
You know what that makes us?
852
01:04:24,904 --> 01:04:28,033
Smart. Worthy. Lucky.
853
01:04:28,116 --> 01:04:29,617
We're the wuss.
854
01:04:30,660 --> 01:04:34,622
The wind beneath your wings.
Your support system.
855
01:04:34,706 --> 01:04:37,083
- We're the girl.
- And we don't like it!
856
01:04:37,167 --> 01:04:39,586
- You're damn right.
- We're men.
857
01:04:39,669 --> 01:04:41,838
And is this your answer? To kill us?
858
01:04:41,921 --> 01:04:45,675
No, nothing like that.
We help you. We perfect you.
859
01:04:45,759 --> 01:04:47,343
By turning us into robots?
860
01:04:47,427 --> 01:04:50,597
Does any fraction
of these women still exist?
861
01:04:50,680 --> 01:04:52,932
Of course. Almost everything.
862
01:04:54,100 --> 01:04:56,770
- Should we show her?
- Show me what?
863
01:04:56,853 --> 01:05:00,815
It's a promotional thing I've been
working on for when we go global.
864
01:05:02,525 --> 01:05:05,361
Walt, I don't think you've seen this.
865
01:05:09,949 --> 01:05:11,618
[WHOLESOME MUSIC PLAYING]
866
01:05:18,208 --> 01:05:20,752
Some guys ask, "How do we do it?"
867
01:05:20,835 --> 01:05:24,089
In layman's terms,
it's really pretty simple.
868
01:05:24,172 --> 01:05:26,091
Come on along.
869
01:05:32,764 --> 01:05:36,017
First, we take a gloomy,
dissatisfied woman.
870
01:05:36,101 --> 01:05:41,106
Then in a very private experience
between husband and wife,
871
01:05:41,189 --> 01:05:46,236
he gently places her
in our Female Improvement System.
872
01:05:47,153 --> 01:05:48,905
It's fully automated.
873
01:05:49,614 --> 01:05:51,783
And then, abracadabra,
874
01:05:51,866 --> 01:05:54,077
her transformation begins.
875
01:05:54,160 --> 01:05:56,955
First, we locate her brain.
876
01:05:57,622 --> 01:06:00,917
We insert a few nano-chips.
877
01:06:01,000 --> 01:06:02,252
Then we program them.
878
01:06:03,211 --> 01:06:06,464
Also we add some
secret special ingredients.
879
01:06:09,676 --> 01:06:11,761
To avoid any accidents,
880
01:06:11,845 --> 01:06:15,014
the husband is kept
at a comfortable distance.
881
01:06:15,098 --> 01:06:16,683
Safety first.
882
01:06:20,228 --> 01:06:22,772
Finally, we enhance her
883
01:06:22,856 --> 01:06:26,943
to fit the ideal
Stepford wife specifications.
884
01:06:27,026 --> 01:06:28,278
And...
885
01:06:29,612 --> 01:06:30,947
voilà!
886
01:06:35,118 --> 01:06:36,744
Everything is copacetic!
887
01:06:40,290 --> 01:06:42,250
Welcome to the future.
888
01:06:46,713 --> 01:06:49,424
- [DAVE] It's a painting again.
- What?
889
01:06:51,009 --> 01:06:55,054
I should explain.
You see, my real name isn't Mike.
890
01:06:55,138 --> 01:06:57,974
It's just a nickname
from where I used to work.
891
01:06:58,057 --> 01:06:59,559
Where?
892
01:06:59,642 --> 01:07:02,562
- Microsoft.
- NASA.
893
01:07:02,645 --> 01:07:04,689
- Disney.
- AOL.
894
01:07:04,772 --> 01:07:08,151
- Is that why the women are so slow?
- [MIKE] Joanna.
895
01:07:08,234 --> 01:07:10,862
Is this what you really want?
896
01:07:12,322 --> 01:07:14,449
Women who behave like slaves?
897
01:07:14,532 --> 01:07:19,412
Women who are obsessed with cleaning
their kitchens and doing their hair.
898
01:07:19,495 --> 01:07:22,040
Women who never challenge you in any way.
899
01:07:22,123 --> 01:07:24,959
Women who exist only
to wait on you hand and foot.
900
01:07:25,043 --> 01:07:26,961
- [MAN 1] Yeah.
- [MAN 2] That's right.
901
01:07:27,045 --> 01:07:29,005
Joanna, you're a brilliant woman.
902
01:07:29,088 --> 01:07:32,800
Surely you can appreciate, at the
very least, the genius of the concept.
903
01:07:32,884 --> 01:07:36,804
Picture it.
If you could streamline your spouse,
904
01:07:36,888 --> 01:07:42,018
if you could overhaul every
annoying habit, every physical flaw,
905
01:07:42,101 --> 01:07:45,355
every moment, the whining and nagging,
the farting in bed.
906
01:07:45,438 --> 01:07:49,984
Imagine if you could enjoy
the person you love,
907
01:07:50,068 --> 01:07:51,986
but only at their very best.
908
01:07:53,780 --> 01:07:57,492
And the only reason for your anger,
909
01:07:57,575 --> 01:08:01,287
your resentment, your rage,
is really very simple.
910
01:08:01,371 --> 01:08:04,666
You're furious
because we thought of it first.
911
01:08:04,749 --> 01:08:08,127
While you were trying to become men,
we decided to become gods.
912
01:08:10,129 --> 01:08:15,093
Let me ask you something.
These machines, these Stepford wives,
913
01:08:15,176 --> 01:08:16,761
can they say, "I love you"?
914
01:08:18,346 --> 01:08:20,598
- Mike?
- Of course.
915
01:08:20,682 --> 01:08:22,934
In 58 languages.
916
01:08:24,102 --> 01:08:26,187
But do they mean it?
917
01:08:55,800 --> 01:08:57,093
Enjoy.
918
01:09:25,496 --> 01:09:27,874
[GASPING, HEAVY BREATHING]
919
01:09:34,130 --> 01:09:35,298
[MIKE] Walter.
920
01:09:57,820 --> 01:09:59,030
Walt...
921
01:10:10,291 --> 01:10:12,126
Joanna, right here.
922
01:10:58,548 --> 01:11:01,217
- Sarah.
- Claire.
923
01:11:09,225 --> 01:11:11,894
- Marianne.
- Charmaine.
924
01:11:16,566 --> 01:11:19,110
- Roger.
- Roberta.
925
01:11:56,772 --> 01:11:58,524
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
926
01:11:58,608 --> 01:12:00,902
Mike!
927
01:12:01,527 --> 01:12:03,070
[CHANTING] Mike! Mike! Mike!
928
01:12:03,154 --> 01:12:05,948
Mike! Mike! Mike! Mike! Mike! Mike!
929
01:12:15,791 --> 01:12:17,793
Good evening, everyone.
930
01:12:17,877 --> 01:12:20,796
What a delight to see
all of our wonderful wives
931
01:12:20,880 --> 01:12:23,299
and their happy, happy husbands.
932
01:12:23,382 --> 01:12:26,177
Tonight is truly
the highlight of our year,
933
01:12:26,260 --> 01:12:31,724
because tonight we honor
our very newest citizens of Stepford.
934
01:12:31,807 --> 01:12:34,101
In my opinion, the cream of the crop,
935
01:12:34,185 --> 01:12:38,231
a couple that proudly proclaims Stepford
936
01:12:38,940 --> 01:12:40,566
the American way of love.
937
01:12:40,650 --> 01:12:41,859
[ALL] Aw...
938
01:13:08,427 --> 01:13:10,179
Now...
939
01:13:12,098 --> 01:13:14,934
I'd like to ask my wonderful woman,
my lovely wife,
940
01:13:15,017 --> 01:13:16,269
my bride, my best friend,
941
01:13:16,894 --> 01:13:20,356
to join me in a glorious
midsummer night's waltz.
942
01:14:13,326 --> 01:14:15,620
- Is everything perfect?
- Everything.
943
01:14:17,413 --> 01:14:19,415
Mike...
944
01:14:19,498 --> 01:14:20,750
Darling.
945
01:14:22,335 --> 01:14:24,712
- My pleasure.
- It's an honor.
946
01:14:27,882 --> 01:14:30,468
- Champagne?
- Allow me.
947
01:14:50,571 --> 01:14:52,156
[ALARM SOUNDS]
948
01:14:52,239 --> 01:14:56,535
[COMPUTER] Doors activate.
Welcome, Member 1-9-5-6.
949
01:14:56,619 --> 01:14:58,412
Kresby, Walter.
950
01:15:06,587 --> 01:15:09,006
Entering secure area.
951
01:15:36,158 --> 01:15:38,202
[ELECTRONIC WHIRRING]
952
01:15:59,014 --> 01:16:01,225
Warning. Warning.
953
01:16:03,728 --> 01:16:05,604
Initiating.
954
01:16:18,367 --> 01:16:21,287
So, Joanna, are you enjoying Stepford?
955
01:16:21,370 --> 01:16:23,956
Oh, yes. The town is so splendid.
956
01:16:24,999 --> 01:16:27,001
Everyone is so kind.
957
01:16:28,586 --> 01:16:30,546
And then, of course, there's you.
958
01:16:33,924 --> 01:16:35,134
Me?
959
01:16:44,685 --> 01:16:46,729
It's simple really. Honey!
960
01:16:46,812 --> 01:16:49,356
- Grab me another scotch.
- Right away, dear.
961
01:16:55,488 --> 01:16:57,573
[COMPUTER] Begin nano-reversal.
962
01:16:57,656 --> 01:17:00,117
Begin nano-reversal.
963
01:17:06,290 --> 01:17:08,209
Nano-reversal completed.
964
01:17:09,335 --> 01:17:10,435
Ah!
965
01:17:11,504 --> 01:17:14,298
[COMPUTER] Deleting Stepford program.
966
01:17:14,381 --> 01:17:15,674
Ah!
967
01:17:15,758 --> 01:17:18,719
[POWER SHUTTING DOWN]
968
01:17:25,810 --> 01:17:29,605
[COMPUTER] File corrupted.
Deleting vacuuming function.
969
01:17:36,070 --> 01:17:39,031
- Honey?
- Oh, Herbert.
970
01:17:39,114 --> 01:17:41,742
[COMPUTER] Nano-reversal...
Original personality...
971
01:17:41,826 --> 01:17:45,204
Deleting Stepford wives program.
972
01:17:48,249 --> 01:17:49,349
What is this?
973
01:17:58,467 --> 01:18:00,219
What am I wearing?
974
01:18:00,302 --> 01:18:03,556
[FRANTIC CHATTER]
975
01:18:13,858 --> 01:18:16,527
[SOBBING] Mike! Mike! There's something...
976
01:18:18,821 --> 01:18:21,156
unspeakable going on in the ballroom!
977
01:18:21,240 --> 01:18:24,201
You have to come right now!
It's an apocalypse!
978
01:18:35,087 --> 01:18:36,187
What did you do to us?
979
01:18:36,797 --> 01:18:38,966
[ALL] Mike! Mike!
980
01:18:42,428 --> 01:18:44,388
Men! Control your wives!
981
01:18:44,471 --> 01:18:46,473
Control your wives!
982
01:18:47,474 --> 01:18:49,852
- [BEEPING]
- It's not working!
983
01:18:56,317 --> 01:18:58,402
This is not Stepford!
984
01:18:58,485 --> 01:18:59,904
Mike!
985
01:19:02,031 --> 01:19:03,490
What's happening?
986
01:19:04,116 --> 01:19:09,038
I was in the garden and I was dreaming
of your smile and your aftershave.
987
01:19:09,788 --> 01:19:11,040
Then I realized...
988
01:19:12,875 --> 01:19:15,210
I can do better.
989
01:19:18,464 --> 01:19:19,564
[SIGHS]
990
01:19:26,305 --> 01:19:28,682
- Walt.
- She's not a robot.
991
01:19:28,766 --> 01:19:31,435
- [MAN 1] What?
- [MAN 2] She's not a robot?
992
01:19:31,518 --> 01:19:33,187
She never was.
993
01:19:42,863 --> 01:19:44,573
I couldn't do it.
994
01:19:46,241 --> 01:19:49,954
- Why not?
- Because she's not a science project.
995
01:19:50,037 --> 01:19:52,790
Because I didn't marry
something from RadioShack.
996
01:19:54,291 --> 01:19:56,669
- That's a shame.
- No.
997
01:19:57,711 --> 01:19:59,546
That's a man.
998
01:20:07,137 --> 01:20:09,431
- I thought you were ready!
- [MEN] Yeah.
999
01:20:09,515 --> 01:20:12,810
I thought you were ready!
I thought I knew you!
1000
01:20:14,144 --> 01:20:17,356
- You're a disgrace...
- [MEN] Yeah, you tell him!
1001
01:20:18,774 --> 01:20:20,693
...to everything this town stands for.
1002
01:20:22,611 --> 01:20:25,072
- To the future.
- That's right!
1003
01:20:26,657 --> 01:20:28,367
You're gonna have to pay for that!
1004
01:20:34,206 --> 01:20:35,499
Don't you touch him!
1005
01:20:36,125 --> 01:20:37,710
No!
1006
01:21:13,162 --> 01:21:15,122
He's a Stepford husband?
1007
01:21:17,416 --> 01:21:19,418
[CRYING] An angel.
1008
01:21:21,211 --> 01:21:23,088
Now he's just...
1009
01:21:24,631 --> 01:21:27,843
spare parts, thanks to you!
1010
01:21:27,926 --> 01:21:30,804
What are you?
Are you a person or a machine?
1011
01:21:31,388 --> 01:21:32,681
I'm a lady.
1012
01:21:32,765 --> 01:21:36,310
- A real lady?
- Every inch.
1013
01:21:36,393 --> 01:21:39,396
Wait. A real, real lady?
Are you a human being?
1014
01:21:39,480 --> 01:21:43,025
Yes. And I may very well be
the only decent human being left.
1015
01:21:43,108 --> 01:21:45,694
- In Stepford?
- In the world!
1016
01:21:45,778 --> 01:21:47,446
[GASPS] She's fabulous.
1017
01:21:47,529 --> 01:21:51,784
All of this, Mike, the wives, Stepford.
This was all your idea?
1018
01:21:51,867 --> 01:21:55,120
Yes. All I wanted was a better world.
1019
01:21:55,204 --> 01:21:59,875
A world where men were men,
and women were cherished and lovely.
1020
01:21:59,958 --> 01:22:02,419
Does anyone have a screwdriver?
1021
01:22:04,046 --> 01:22:05,756
She's nuts.
1022
01:22:14,264 --> 01:22:16,391
A world of romance and beauty.
1023
01:22:17,684 --> 01:22:21,730
Of tuxedos and chiffon. A perfect world.
1024
01:22:21,814 --> 01:22:26,443
- But you were married to a robot.
- The perfect man.
1025
01:22:27,319 --> 01:22:29,822
And all I wanted was
to make you, all of you
1026
01:22:30,489 --> 01:22:32,199
into perfect women.
1027
01:22:32,282 --> 01:22:36,995
But we don't need to be perfect.
How could you do this to us?
1028
01:22:37,079 --> 01:22:39,248
Because I was just like you.
1029
01:22:39,331 --> 01:22:41,667
Overstressed, overbooked, under-loved.
1030
01:22:42,709 --> 01:22:46,922
I was the world's foremost brain surgeon
and genetic engineer.
1031
01:22:47,005 --> 01:22:51,260
I had top secret contracts
with the Pentagon, Apple and Mattel.
1032
01:22:52,052 --> 01:22:54,930
I was driven, exhausted.
1033
01:22:55,013 --> 01:22:57,724
Until late one night
I came home to find...
1034
01:22:59,893 --> 01:23:01,270
Mike...
1035
01:23:03,313 --> 01:23:04,773
with Patricia.
1036
01:23:06,608 --> 01:23:07,943
My brilliant...
1037
01:23:09,153 --> 01:23:10,487
blonde...
1038
01:23:12,030 --> 01:23:15,075
21-year-old research assistant.
1039
01:23:16,243 --> 01:23:17,953
It was all so...
1040
01:23:20,539 --> 01:23:22,166
ugly.
1041
01:23:24,376 --> 01:23:28,505
Then early the next morning,
as I gazed across the breakfast table
1042
01:23:28,589 --> 01:23:30,841
at their lifeless bodies, I thought...
1043
01:23:32,509 --> 01:23:33,844
"What have I done?"
1044
01:23:34,887 --> 01:23:36,597
But more importantly,
1045
01:23:37,514 --> 01:23:40,559
"What could I do
to make the world more beautiful?"
1046
01:23:40,642 --> 01:23:42,561
I had the skills.
1047
01:23:42,644 --> 01:23:46,356
But I needed help
to realize my larger vision.
1048
01:23:46,440 --> 01:23:47,733
And so I made...
1049
01:23:49,359 --> 01:23:50,736
Mike.
1050
01:23:51,820 --> 01:23:54,698
Because he was someone
other men would listen to.
1051
01:23:54,781 --> 01:23:56,658
And then I asked myself,
1052
01:23:57,659 --> 01:24:01,705
"Where would people never notice
a town full of robots?"
1053
01:24:03,373 --> 01:24:04,708
Connecticut.
1054
01:24:05,876 --> 01:24:09,046
So I decided to turn back the clock.
1055
01:24:09,838 --> 01:24:12,341
To a time before overtime.
1056
01:24:12,424 --> 01:24:14,218
Before quality time.
1057
01:24:14,301 --> 01:24:17,221
Before women were
turning themselves into robots.
1058
01:24:18,055 --> 01:24:19,932
- Back off!
- Sorry.
1059
01:24:20,015 --> 01:24:22,851
But why didn't you change the men, too?
1060
01:24:22,935 --> 01:24:24,035
That's next.
1061
01:24:25,479 --> 01:24:27,022
You're insane.
1062
01:24:27,105 --> 01:24:31,485
I'm in love with a waltz and a town.
1063
01:24:34,780 --> 01:24:36,114
And a man.
1064
01:24:37,783 --> 01:24:39,493
[EXPLOSIVE CHARGE]
1065
01:24:40,160 --> 01:24:41,328
[ALL GASPING]
1066
01:25:29,960 --> 01:25:32,629
[LARRY KING] Joanna,
you produced the documentary...
1067
01:25:32,713 --> 01:25:37,926
Stepford: the Secret of the Suburbs.
And won... five Emmys, was it?
1068
01:25:38,010 --> 01:25:39,344
Six.
1069
01:25:39,428 --> 01:25:41,763
- She's shy.
- And so humble.
1070
01:25:41,847 --> 01:25:45,183
And, Bobbie, your ordeal
has led to a best seller.
1071
01:25:45,267 --> 01:25:48,729
I just can't hold a grudge,
so I've written my first book of poetry.
1072
01:25:48,812 --> 01:25:54,234
It's all about hope and communication
and the healing power of love.
1073
01:25:54,318 --> 01:25:55,861
What is it called?
1074
01:25:55,944 --> 01:25:57,904
Wait Until He's Asleep, Then Cut It Off.
1075
01:25:57,988 --> 01:25:59,948
- It's a page-turner.
- I cried.
1076
01:26:00,032 --> 01:26:01,908
Now, Roger, good news.
1077
01:26:01,992 --> 01:26:04,328
You ran and won.
You're in the State Senate.
1078
01:26:04,411 --> 01:26:06,913
- Independent.
- Next stop, the White House.
1079
01:26:06,997 --> 01:26:09,791
- This country needs highlights.
- Our hero.
1080
01:26:09,875 --> 01:26:14,379
Jo, Walter really came through for you.
So how's your marriage now?
1081
01:26:14,463 --> 01:26:16,840
Is everything just... perfect?
1082
01:26:16,923 --> 01:26:20,510
No way. But we're doing just great.
1083
01:26:20,594 --> 01:26:25,766
Because now we know for sure
it's not about perfection.
1084
01:26:25,849 --> 01:26:27,768
"Perfect." Perfect doesn't work.
1085
01:26:28,602 --> 01:26:31,521
[LARRY] What about those other husbands?
Are they angry?
1086
01:26:31,605 --> 01:26:33,899
Do they still want
all these women to be robots?
1087
01:26:33,982 --> 01:26:36,860
Of course. Men are pigs.
They're disgusting.
1088
01:26:36,943 --> 01:26:39,446
They're frightened, little rodents.
1089
01:26:39,529 --> 01:26:41,299
- We're trying to help. Right, Bobbie?
- Right.
1090
01:26:41,323 --> 01:26:44,034
[CLEARS THROAT]
We're trying to reeducate them.
1091
01:26:44,117 --> 01:26:48,038
- And where are they?
- Oh, they're still in Stepford.
1092
01:26:48,121 --> 01:26:49,915
Under house-arrest.
1093
01:26:56,046 --> 01:26:59,007
Hey, you guys.
Which aisle is quilted paper towels?
1094
01:26:59,091 --> 01:27:01,468
If I don't get the right kind,
my wife's gonna kill me.
1095
01:27:01,551 --> 01:27:03,303
Aisle three.
1096
01:27:03,387 --> 01:27:05,472
[WOMAN OVER PA] No talking! Keep shopping!