1 00:00:46,085 --> 00:00:47,362 [sighs] 2 00:00:47,466 --> 00:00:50,089 [both breathing heavily] 3 00:00:50,814 --> 00:00:52,367 You were incredible. 4 00:00:53,023 --> 00:00:55,232 My heart is still racing. 5 00:00:56,682 --> 00:00:58,442 I felt it too. 6 00:00:58,546 --> 00:01:00,479 All thanks to your brute strength, Dash, 7 00:01:00,582 --> 00:01:03,723 and your knowledge of ancient Aramaic mathematics. 8 00:01:03,827 --> 00:01:06,726 Please. This has nothing to do with my two doctorates 9 00:01:06,830 --> 00:01:08,901 and my master's in Gender Studies 10 00:01:09,798 --> 00:01:12,767 and everything to do with you, Dr. Lovemore. 11 00:01:13,216 --> 00:01:15,114 The truth is, 12 00:01:15,218 --> 00:01:17,599 I never thought I would find the Lost City of D. 13 00:01:17,703 --> 00:01:20,637 I would choose your words carefully.[hissing] 14 00:01:20,740 --> 00:01:22,501 They will be your last. 15 00:01:22,604 --> 00:01:26,367 You led me right to King Kalaman's tomb 16 00:01:26,470 --> 00:01:30,060 and his queen's legendary Crown of Fire. 17 00:01:30,164 --> 00:01:33,063 And now I will be very rich, 18 00:01:33,167 --> 00:01:35,859 and you will be very dead. 19 00:01:36,791 --> 00:01:40,174 Hold up. Are these-- Are these your snakes? 20 00:01:40,277 --> 00:01:41,899 No, they were just here. 21 00:01:42,003 --> 00:01:44,454 There were just hundreds of snakes in this temple 22 00:01:44,557 --> 00:01:46,421 just waiting for us to show up? 23 00:01:46,525 --> 00:01:48,630 Who feeds them? You feed them?No, what do they eat? 24 00:01:48,734 --> 00:01:50,943 Why is that one not biting that guy? Why is that happening? 25 00:01:51,046 --> 00:01:53,911 -Are they trained not to bite henchmen or something? -[captor] Yeah, well... 26 00:01:54,015 --> 00:01:56,293 [Dr. Lovemore] I mean, the snake-to-temple ratio alone... 27 00:01:56,397 --> 00:01:58,847 This is ridiculous. Delete. 28 00:02:00,125 --> 00:02:02,023 I-- I think my character can still work. 29 00:02:02,127 --> 00:02:03,852 Delete. 30 00:02:03,956 --> 00:02:06,131 Loretta, you still have a story to write. 31 00:02:06,821 --> 00:02:08,133 Delete. 32 00:02:10,514 --> 00:02:12,378 [voice mail] Hey, it's me, Beth. 33 00:02:12,482 --> 00:02:14,898 I don't want to pull the whole "I'm your publisher" card, but I am. 34 00:02:15,001 --> 00:02:17,349 And I'm really looking forward to seeing this last chapter. 35 00:02:17,452 --> 00:02:19,489 But no pressure. No, there actually is pressure. 36 00:02:19,592 --> 00:02:23,769 The exact amount of pressure that motivates you but doesn't paralyze you. 37 00:02:23,872 --> 00:02:25,253 You got this. 38 00:02:26,806 --> 00:02:27,773 Thank you. 39 00:02:27,876 --> 00:02:29,913 [voice mail tone][Beth] Me again. 40 00:02:30,016 --> 00:02:31,880 Okay, so everything is set for the book tour, 41 00:02:31,984 --> 00:02:34,814 but, uh, the only thing we need is a book to tour with. 42 00:02:34,918 --> 00:02:37,058 I can't help but get the feeling that you're not finishing 43 00:02:37,162 --> 00:02:39,612 because you don't want to leave your house. 44 00:02:39,716 --> 00:02:44,893 Listen, I know these last five years have been hard after John's passing, 45 00:02:44,997 --> 00:02:48,380 and it feels easier to live in your bathtub, 46 00:02:48,483 --> 00:02:51,141 drinking Chardonnay on ice. 47 00:02:51,245 --> 00:02:54,040 But, girl, there is a great big world waiting for you 48 00:02:54,144 --> 00:02:57,147 and a book tour that I can't cancel, so just make it happen, all right? 49 00:02:57,251 --> 00:02:58,493 Love you, bye! 50 00:03:17,512 --> 00:03:19,031 [Dash] We have to keep going. 51 00:03:20,066 --> 00:03:22,552 Let's see what's on the other side of that door. 52 00:03:22,655 --> 00:03:24,761 But what if there isn't anything? 53 00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:27,591 There's only one way to find out. 54 00:03:28,489 --> 00:03:30,422 Then Lovemore realized 55 00:03:30,525 --> 00:03:32,803 the treasure she wanted was lost forever 56 00:03:32,907 --> 00:03:35,289 and her adventures were coming to an end. 57 00:03:35,392 --> 00:03:36,531 That doesn't feel right. 58 00:03:36,635 --> 00:03:38,430 Yeah, but that's it. 59 00:03:38,533 --> 00:03:39,983 That's the end. 60 00:03:49,026 --> 00:03:50,580 Well, John, 61 00:03:51,166 --> 00:03:52,271 here I go. 62 00:03:52,375 --> 00:03:54,653 Dulcius ex asperis. 63 00:04:01,176 --> 00:04:03,938 -[Beth] Okay, honey, it's showtime. -Are you sure about this? 64 00:04:04,041 --> 00:04:07,631 Because I have a wedgie in the back and in the front in this thing. 65 00:04:07,735 --> 00:04:09,978 I feel like a nerdy figure skater. 66 00:04:10,082 --> 00:04:12,774 Sexy. Stunner. I'm all about it.No, it's not. It's not. 67 00:04:12,878 --> 00:04:14,811 -How do I move in this? -Don't touch it. 68 00:04:14,914 --> 00:04:17,123 I'm not touching it. I'm holding it out.Stop it. Will you stop? 69 00:04:17,227 --> 00:04:19,402 Get it out now 'cause you can't do that onstage. 70 00:04:19,505 --> 00:04:22,197 And we're done. And we're done. Okay, good. 71 00:04:22,301 --> 00:04:24,199 Do I need to be wearing a glitter onesie? 72 00:04:24,303 --> 00:04:25,753 You only have to wear this for two hours. 73 00:04:25,856 --> 00:04:27,824 Do not mess this up, do you hear me? This is on loan. 74 00:04:27,927 --> 00:04:29,929 Everyone's wearing sequins right now. 75 00:04:30,033 --> 00:04:31,345 [camera shutter clicking] 76 00:04:31,448 --> 00:04:33,519 Why is she taking my photo?This is Allison. 77 00:04:33,623 --> 00:04:35,935 She is our new social media manager. 78 00:04:36,039 --> 00:04:38,869 And she's gonna be helping us target that younger demographic. 79 00:04:38,973 --> 00:04:41,458 Meaning women in their 30s who wish they were in their 20s. 80 00:04:41,562 --> 00:04:43,080 Hey, what's up? 81 00:04:43,184 --> 00:04:46,532 Um, I took over your socials, so this morning you tweeted, 82 00:04:46,636 --> 00:04:51,813 "Where are my ladies at? Meet me at Ballroom G at 5:00 p.m. 83 00:04:51,917 --> 00:04:53,367 #ShawnMendes. 84 00:04:53,470 --> 00:04:56,335 #GaggingToMeetYouAll." 85 00:04:56,439 --> 00:04:58,993 Okay, we are having fun. Let's go. 86 00:04:59,096 --> 00:05:02,065 [elevator dings]We need to remind people that you are still alive. 87 00:05:02,168 --> 00:05:03,584 People know I'm alive. 88 00:05:03,687 --> 00:05:05,655 And to remind them why this used to be 89 00:05:05,758 --> 00:05:07,829 the best selling franchise.In Romance. 90 00:05:07,933 --> 00:05:10,556 Yes, which is the top revenue-generating literary category. 91 00:05:10,660 --> 00:05:13,525 Revenue-generating isn't how I would describe our presales right now. 92 00:05:13,628 --> 00:05:15,768 Just think of this as a way that uses word of mouth. 93 00:05:15,872 --> 00:05:17,494 Oh, you want word of mouth? Here we go. How's this? 94 00:05:17,598 --> 00:05:20,394 "The only thing more lost than the city is the author herself." 95 00:05:20,497 --> 00:05:22,257 "Loveless." "Passionless." 96 00:05:22,361 --> 00:05:26,261 Uh, "Way past her prime." And, oh, "This is fake history at its worst." 97 00:05:26,365 --> 00:05:28,540 A book tour could change everything, okay? 98 00:05:28,643 --> 00:05:30,956 We have to remind the fans why they love you so much. 99 00:05:31,059 --> 00:05:34,649 Real history. I merely season it with a smidge more nudity. 100 00:05:34,753 --> 00:05:36,962 History had a ton of nudity. 101 00:05:37,825 --> 00:05:39,896 [narrator on PA] Deep exploration. 102 00:05:39,999 --> 00:05:42,485 Steamy wondering. 103 00:05:42,588 --> 00:05:47,628 Will Lovemore and Dash find Queen Taha's priceless Crown of Fire? 104 00:05:47,731 --> 00:05:49,526 Join them on their search. 105 00:05:49,630 --> 00:05:51,563 So, listen, I wanted to talk to you about something. 106 00:05:51,666 --> 00:05:52,909 [whispers] There's so many people. 107 00:05:53,012 --> 00:05:55,152 I know how much you hate doing these things, 108 00:05:55,256 --> 00:05:57,983 so I've invited Alan to do the Q and A with you today. 109 00:05:58,086 --> 00:06:00,088 -What? -And the rest of the book tour. 110 00:06:00,192 --> 00:06:03,160 Beth, I expressly asked not to do any more events with Dash-- Alan, Alan! 111 00:06:03,264 --> 00:06:06,094 -He's gonna humiliate me. -He's not gonna humiliate you. 112 00:06:06,198 --> 00:06:09,235 Thank you. You're very good at your job. Thank you so much. Thank you. 113 00:06:09,339 --> 00:06:10,547 Let me help you with that. 114 00:06:10,651 --> 00:06:12,549 He is-- He's a body wash commercial. 115 00:06:12,653 --> 00:06:14,517 He's always glistening all over the place. 116 00:06:14,620 --> 00:06:17,520 There hasn't been an event where his shirt didn't come flying off. 117 00:06:17,623 --> 00:06:19,142 You wish.[Beth] Well, he's already here, 118 00:06:19,245 --> 00:06:21,386 so put on your big-girl panties and let's get out there. 119 00:06:21,489 --> 00:06:24,665 Remember, no grumpy face, big words or boring academic talk. 120 00:06:24,768 --> 00:06:28,047 [audience cheering][laughs] Yes! Yes! 121 00:06:28,151 --> 00:06:30,084 Come on, RTP! 122 00:06:30,187 --> 00:06:31,672 Ha-ha! 123 00:06:31,775 --> 00:06:34,019 Yes, my Lovemore-heads! 124 00:06:34,122 --> 00:06:37,574 I am so excited to introduce to you 125 00:06:37,678 --> 00:06:41,509 the award-winning author, Loretta Sage! 126 00:06:41,613 --> 00:06:44,167 Beth, I can't do this. I'm not ready.Are you kidding me? 127 00:06:44,270 --> 00:06:45,996 Listen, I've got your back. You got this. 128 00:06:46,100 --> 00:06:47,619 Go give the people what they want. 129 00:06:47,722 --> 00:06:49,586 It's not me they want.Get out there now! 130 00:06:49,690 --> 00:06:52,037 [audience cheering, applauding] 131 00:06:52,140 --> 00:06:55,972 Hi. How are you? Nice to see you. Thank you. 132 00:07:01,322 --> 00:07:03,048 Yep. Mount it. 133 00:07:03,151 --> 00:07:05,395 [chair creaking] 134 00:07:05,499 --> 00:07:08,398 Mount it. Mount it. Okay. 135 00:07:08,502 --> 00:07:10,193 Find your center. 136 00:07:10,296 --> 00:07:13,852 And now, the moment you've all been waiting for. 137 00:07:13,955 --> 00:07:15,716 The sexiest...[audience member] All right! 138 00:07:15,819 --> 00:07:19,823 ...most influential hero of a generation. 139 00:07:19,927 --> 00:07:21,135 That's a bit strong. 140 00:07:21,238 --> 00:07:23,862 His 20th cover of an Angela Lovemore novel. 141 00:07:24,449 --> 00:07:26,589 Dash McMahon! 142 00:07:26,692 --> 00:07:30,765 [audience cheering]["The Final Countdown" plays] 143 00:07:32,042 --> 00:07:34,562 [audience member] Oh, my God! Dash! 144 00:07:34,666 --> 00:07:37,047 [cheering intensifies] 145 00:07:57,240 --> 00:07:59,587 Take a bow.I already did mine. I did mine. 146 00:07:59,691 --> 00:08:02,659 Okay, come on. One more. I got you. 147 00:08:05,351 --> 00:08:07,595 [cheering] 148 00:08:11,496 --> 00:08:13,670 [applause] 149 00:08:15,741 --> 00:08:17,571 [chair creaking] 150 00:08:17,674 --> 00:08:19,331 Did you guys rehearse that? Oh, my God. 151 00:08:19,434 --> 00:08:23,266 I'm loving this chemistry between you two, and I got to say, 152 00:08:23,369 --> 00:08:25,510 I love this book. 153 00:08:25,613 --> 00:08:26,683 Oh, thank you, Ray.Thank-- 154 00:08:26,787 --> 00:08:28,133 Spoiler alert. 155 00:08:28,236 --> 00:08:29,514 A really bold choice 156 00:08:29,617 --> 00:08:31,550 to not have them go into the tomb at the end. 157 00:08:31,654 --> 00:08:33,276 Talk about what went into this one. 158 00:08:33,379 --> 00:08:36,831 I mean, this one's such a special book for me personally. 159 00:08:36,935 --> 00:08:39,765 I-- I don't know how to say how much it means to me 160 00:08:39,869 --> 00:08:41,974 that Loretta, word writer extraordinaire, 161 00:08:42,078 --> 00:08:45,115 has, you know, named the book after me. 162 00:08:45,219 --> 00:08:47,048 The Lost City of Dash. 163 00:08:47,152 --> 00:08:48,256 The Lost City of D. 164 00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:50,604 Um, but that's not what the D stands for. 165 00:08:50,707 --> 00:08:53,296 It's D for "dick," right?No dick, no. 166 00:08:53,399 --> 00:08:56,506 It's based on the name of an ancient tribe, Dapocagihou-dysphem-ica. 167 00:08:56,610 --> 00:09:01,166 And, um, it was too difficult for the European colonizers to pronounce, 168 00:09:01,269 --> 00:09:04,549 so, in true colonial fashion they abbreviated it.No one cares about this. 169 00:09:04,652 --> 00:09:06,378 That's so interesting. Okay. 170 00:09:06,481 --> 00:09:08,794 How about we take some questions from the audience? 171 00:09:08,898 --> 00:09:10,693 [audience member] Right here, handsome!Yes. 172 00:09:10,796 --> 00:09:14,938 Dash, what's your favorite romantic moment?[audience] Ooh. 173 00:09:15,042 --> 00:09:19,564 What I would really like to know is what is Loretta's favorite romantic moment? 174 00:09:19,667 --> 00:09:21,600 [host] Ooh, spicy. 175 00:09:21,704 --> 00:09:23,637 Oh, uh... 176 00:09:23,740 --> 00:09:26,432 -Well, being a sapiosexual-- -[audience murmurs] 177 00:09:26,536 --> 00:09:28,745 Oh, is that when they do the snakes around the... 178 00:09:28,849 --> 00:09:32,922 No. That's someone who finds, uh, intellect 179 00:09:33,025 --> 00:09:36,926 or intelligence, uh, very sexy, you know. 180 00:09:37,029 --> 00:09:38,134 Same. 181 00:09:38,617 --> 00:09:39,860 Really? 182 00:09:39,963 --> 00:09:42,379 Dash! Rip off your shirt![audience cheers] 183 00:09:42,483 --> 00:09:46,211 No, no, no. We're not gonna do that today. We're here for Loretta's book. 184 00:09:46,314 --> 00:09:48,178 [host] Do we have questions for Loretta? 185 00:09:48,282 --> 00:09:53,459 Uh, yes, studious-looking young lady? What would you like to ask me? 186 00:09:53,563 --> 00:09:55,600 Can you rip off Dash's shirt? 187 00:09:55,703 --> 00:09:57,049 [cheering] 188 00:09:57,153 --> 00:09:59,983 No, no. We're not gonna do this again. Sorry. 189 00:10:00,087 --> 00:10:02,607 [audience chanting] Rip it off! Rip it off! 190 00:10:02,710 --> 00:10:05,023 Rip it off! Rip it off! Rip it off! 191 00:10:05,126 --> 00:10:08,854 Of course. Of course, yes. Can do. 192 00:10:09,821 --> 00:10:11,098 Is this happening? 193 00:10:11,201 --> 00:10:12,927 You don't have to do this.Oh, we have to. 194 00:10:13,031 --> 00:10:15,102 We have to give the people what they want. Yes, yes. 195 00:10:15,205 --> 00:10:17,932 We have to give the people what they want, yes. 196 00:10:18,036 --> 00:10:21,280 Ladies and gentlemen, enjoy. 197 00:10:21,384 --> 00:10:26,044 Because The Lost City of D is Dash's final adventure. 198 00:10:26,147 --> 00:10:28,218 If there even is a next book, 199 00:10:28,322 --> 00:10:31,428 it will open with Lovemore receiving the tragic news 200 00:10:31,532 --> 00:10:33,879 of his untimely death. 201 00:10:33,983 --> 00:10:35,363 What? 202 00:10:35,467 --> 00:10:36,917 Shit. I'm sorry. My smartwatch is stuck.Ow. Hold on. 203 00:10:37,020 --> 00:10:38,090 I know. Don't pull it. 204 00:10:38,194 --> 00:10:39,713 It's okay. Just be real still. 205 00:10:39,816 --> 00:10:41,231 No. That's pulling it.You're pulling it. 206 00:10:41,335 --> 00:10:43,924 You're gonna rip my wig off. No, you can't-- 207 00:10:44,649 --> 00:10:46,892 [audience exclaims] 208 00:10:48,342 --> 00:10:49,308 Oh, my! 209 00:10:49,412 --> 00:10:50,827 Oh, my God.Is he okay? 210 00:10:50,931 --> 00:10:52,553 God, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. 211 00:10:52,657 --> 00:10:55,314 -I'm so sorry. -[audience member] You're a bad person. 212 00:10:55,418 --> 00:10:59,664 Stick around for the costume contest at 6:00 p.m. 213 00:11:00,526 --> 00:11:02,770 "If there is another book"? 214 00:11:02,874 --> 00:11:07,775 I'm investing everything we've got into this tour, okay? 215 00:11:07,879 --> 00:11:11,330 I just don't think I have another Dash and Lovemore adventure in me. 216 00:11:11,434 --> 00:11:12,815 How does Dash die? 217 00:11:12,918 --> 00:11:15,058 Was it the snakes?No. 218 00:11:15,162 --> 00:11:17,509 Okay, so I have something that I have to take care of. 219 00:11:17,612 --> 00:11:20,063 You guys have an interview in the next suite in ten minutes. 220 00:11:20,167 --> 00:11:22,583 So can you please do me a favor and be grown-ups 221 00:11:22,687 --> 00:11:24,205 and get yourselves there on your own? 222 00:11:24,309 --> 00:11:25,517 Okay. Thank you so much. 223 00:11:26,311 --> 00:11:28,382 Does he die from a staph infection? 224 00:11:30,349 --> 00:11:32,420 It is a staph infection. I knew it. 225 00:11:33,594 --> 00:11:34,975 I-I-- All right. 226 00:11:35,078 --> 00:11:38,150 Look, I get it if you need a break or something, 227 00:11:38,254 --> 00:11:40,256 but you can't just kill me, okay?Okay. 228 00:11:40,359 --> 00:11:44,743 I hate that I have to ask this, but you do know you're not Dash, right? 229 00:11:44,847 --> 00:11:47,021 Dash is a character I made up. 230 00:11:47,125 --> 00:11:48,367 Dash? 231 00:11:51,198 --> 00:11:52,440 [camera shutter clicks]Thanks. 232 00:11:52,544 --> 00:11:53,752 Thank you. 233 00:11:56,237 --> 00:11:58,515 Loretta, it's this way.No, I think it's this way. 234 00:11:58,619 --> 00:12:00,966 Can't you see that Dash means so much to people? 235 00:12:01,070 --> 00:12:02,934 Means so much to you.Not to me. 236 00:12:03,037 --> 00:12:04,694 Well, yeah, to me, but to other people too. 237 00:12:04,798 --> 00:12:07,766 What about Beth?You know what? Beth is gonna be fine. 238 00:12:07,870 --> 00:12:11,701 She's gonna find plenty fresh, young writers full of great ideas. 239 00:12:11,805 --> 00:12:13,807 You can transition gracefully 240 00:12:13,910 --> 00:12:16,257 into the shirt-on phase of your modeling career, 241 00:12:16,361 --> 00:12:17,707 and I can be left alone. 242 00:12:17,811 --> 00:12:19,536 Everybody is happy. 243 00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:21,435 No, it's this way. 244 00:12:21,538 --> 00:12:23,368 Beth says you don't even leave the house anymore. 245 00:12:23,471 --> 00:12:25,508 I don't feel like that's very happy. 246 00:12:25,611 --> 00:12:28,511 You should be going out in the world, filling yourself up on new experiences. 247 00:12:28,614 --> 00:12:30,858 I'm already filled up. I'm full. I'm fully satiated. 248 00:12:30,962 --> 00:12:34,310 Why would you want to be stuck at home alone when you could see the world? 249 00:12:34,413 --> 00:12:35,932 You could be visiting ancient Greece. 250 00:12:36,036 --> 00:12:38,935 Okay. How could I visit ancient Greece? 251 00:12:39,039 --> 00:12:41,075 I get it. Because you're afraid of flying. 252 00:12:41,179 --> 00:12:44,596 No. Because ancient Greece is in the past. 253 00:12:44,699 --> 00:12:46,253 Just like Dash. 254 00:12:46,356 --> 00:12:49,566 Okay. You want to know who else is stuck in the past? You are. 255 00:12:49,670 --> 00:12:52,431 You're so afraid of life hurting you again that you've stopped living. 256 00:12:52,535 --> 00:12:54,848 You're like a human mummy. 257 00:12:56,332 --> 00:12:58,368 I didn't, um... 258 00:12:59,645 --> 00:13:00,819 Oh. 259 00:13:00,923 --> 00:13:03,063 Mummies are human. 260 00:13:12,348 --> 00:13:14,315 Stupid-- Oh, crap. 261 00:13:15,385 --> 00:13:17,353 I'm so sorry. I-I will clean this up. 262 00:13:17,456 --> 00:13:19,942 I am not a litterer, I-I assure you that. 263 00:13:20,045 --> 00:13:23,531 Do you, um-- Do you think you could, uh, call a car for me, please? 264 00:13:23,635 --> 00:13:25,154 Thank you. Thank you. 265 00:13:27,915 --> 00:13:29,089 Bring the car around. 266 00:13:29,192 --> 00:13:30,642 God, is that someone's retainer? 267 00:13:30,745 --> 00:13:33,093 I've never said the right thing one time around her. 268 00:13:33,196 --> 00:13:35,129 I get nervous because she opens her mouth, 269 00:13:35,233 --> 00:13:39,685 and just an encyclopedia of beautifulness comes out, and I just never say-- 270 00:13:39,789 --> 00:13:41,101 You know she's trying to kill me? 271 00:13:41,204 --> 00:13:43,379 I just need those tomatoes. 272 00:13:43,482 --> 00:13:45,830 You're right. No, you're right. 273 00:13:45,933 --> 00:13:47,417 I should apologize. Thank you, man. 274 00:13:47,521 --> 00:13:49,764 I appreciate that very, very much.You're welcome. 275 00:13:59,913 --> 00:14:02,191 Uh, Loretta Sage. Yeah. 276 00:14:07,403 --> 00:14:08,507 Uh-- 277 00:14:09,819 --> 00:14:11,027 Hiya. 278 00:14:11,131 --> 00:14:12,615 Uh, I did not order an UberPool. 279 00:14:12,718 --> 00:14:15,687 Someone wants to meet you. We'll have you right back. 280 00:14:15,790 --> 00:14:16,964 Um... 281 00:14:20,450 --> 00:14:21,727 Loretta! 282 00:14:21,831 --> 00:14:23,350 Loretta! Loretta? 283 00:14:26,249 --> 00:14:28,113 [Uber driver] Uh, Loretta? 284 00:14:28,217 --> 00:14:30,805 Did you say "Loretta"?Yeah. 285 00:14:30,909 --> 00:14:32,117 Follow that SUV, man.No. 286 00:14:32,221 --> 00:14:33,981 Come on, please!No, no, no. 287 00:14:34,085 --> 00:14:37,157 I'm not helping any more handsome strangers. Fool me once. Mm-mmm. 288 00:14:37,260 --> 00:14:40,574 [bell dings]What is this, Taken? Am I "tooken"? 289 00:14:40,677 --> 00:14:42,093 Am I sold already? 290 00:14:42,196 --> 00:14:45,199 Am I-- [blows air] Am I sold to him? 291 00:14:45,303 --> 00:14:48,962 [Loretta] Ow. Stop.Oh, no. Did this feel creepy? 292 00:14:49,065 --> 00:14:51,688 I said don't make it creepy, guys. 293 00:14:51,792 --> 00:14:53,621 I'm so sorry about the setting. 294 00:14:53,725 --> 00:14:56,314 I just flew in. I was in a real panic to meet you. 295 00:14:56,417 --> 00:14:58,488 I didn't have time to dress the place up much. 296 00:14:58,592 --> 00:15:01,388 I read you love cheese, so I just got them all. 297 00:15:01,491 --> 00:15:05,564 Are you the one who's been emailing me for photos of my feet? 298 00:15:05,668 --> 00:15:07,532 No. Um-- 299 00:15:07,635 --> 00:15:11,950 And I promise what I'm about to show you is gonna make you very happy. 300 00:15:12,709 --> 00:15:13,918 But first, a little bit 301 00:15:14,021 --> 00:15:17,231 about the mysterious rogue you see before you. 302 00:15:17,335 --> 00:15:19,613 Uh, my name is Abigail Fairfax. 303 00:15:19,716 --> 00:15:22,650 Abigail?It's a gender-neutral name, like Leslie or Beverly. 304 00:15:22,754 --> 00:15:26,447 Yes, but you're Abigail Fairfax of the media-mogul Fairfaxes? 305 00:15:27,379 --> 00:15:30,589 Didn't you just take over your company or... 306 00:15:30,693 --> 00:15:34,628 No, that was my brother, actually. That was Leslie. We're all very proud. 307 00:15:34,731 --> 00:15:37,838 Ah. Yes, I should say so, at such a young age to-- 308 00:15:37,942 --> 00:15:39,874 Some might even say too young. 309 00:15:39,978 --> 00:15:42,705 But that world never really interested me. 310 00:15:42,808 --> 00:15:45,397 My passions, as you may know, 311 00:15:45,501 --> 00:15:48,607 lie in the hidden things in the world, 312 00:15:48,711 --> 00:15:51,334 things which defy possession. 313 00:15:51,438 --> 00:15:54,475 Um, some might call me a collector. 314 00:15:54,579 --> 00:15:58,272 But there is one obsession in particular 315 00:15:58,376 --> 00:16:00,481 that has held me captive. 316 00:16:01,655 --> 00:16:03,139 The Crown of Fire 317 00:16:03,243 --> 00:16:05,624 and its cascading red diamonds. 318 00:16:05,728 --> 00:16:09,387 Is this a... Is this a hidden-camera thing? 319 00:16:09,490 --> 00:16:13,080 So imagine my surprise when, in your new book, 320 00:16:13,184 --> 00:16:16,463 amidst the pages of coital reverie, 321 00:16:16,566 --> 00:16:17,395 was something... 322 00:16:17,498 --> 00:16:19,569 Oh, God....quite magnificent. 323 00:16:19,673 --> 00:16:21,330 [laughing] 324 00:16:21,433 --> 00:16:23,988 I get it. I get it. I so get it right now. 325 00:16:24,091 --> 00:16:25,403 Oh, my gosh. 326 00:16:25,506 --> 00:16:27,681 I literally thought you guys kidnapped me. 327 00:16:27,784 --> 00:16:30,270 I mean, this is marketing, right? Beth set this up? 328 00:16:30,373 --> 00:16:33,273 This was so good, you guys. This was amazing. 329 00:16:33,376 --> 00:16:36,621 You, with your gun and your mustache 330 00:16:36,724 --> 00:16:39,693 and your, "You'd better get in there" and you know... 331 00:16:39,796 --> 00:16:40,797 [laughs] 332 00:16:40,901 --> 00:16:42,420 Oh, my God. 333 00:16:42,523 --> 00:16:46,286 You, with the G.I. Joe tone-on-tone outfit. [laughs] 334 00:16:46,389 --> 00:16:51,394 Your fictional archaeologist was making real translations of a dead language. 335 00:16:51,498 --> 00:16:54,397 Mm-hmm.Something nobody else has been able to do. 336 00:16:54,501 --> 00:16:56,917 Well, nobody else had ever tried. 337 00:16:57,021 --> 00:16:58,850 Is that right? Am I saying the right thing? 338 00:16:58,953 --> 00:17:00,610 Except you, right? 339 00:17:00,714 --> 00:17:02,681 Except me! 340 00:17:02,785 --> 00:17:04,511 Yes. See, it turns out 341 00:17:04,614 --> 00:17:07,928 Loretta Sage was once a young college girl doing her dissertation 342 00:17:08,032 --> 00:17:10,896 on the dead language of the D with her future husband, 343 00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:14,107 dreaming of finding Kalaman's tomb and the Crown of Fire. 344 00:17:14,210 --> 00:17:17,317 I was sorry to read you gave up your search after he died. 345 00:17:17,420 --> 00:17:19,043 But what that means is, 346 00:17:20,320 --> 00:17:22,218 you're all I have left. 347 00:17:22,322 --> 00:17:25,497 All-All you have left for... what? 348 00:17:25,601 --> 00:17:26,636 Hmm. 349 00:17:28,431 --> 00:17:29,674 Oh. 350 00:17:29,777 --> 00:17:31,158 Here we go. 351 00:17:39,477 --> 00:17:40,512 [lid creaks] 352 00:17:45,276 --> 00:17:47,001 What is this? 353 00:17:47,105 --> 00:17:50,798 I believe it is describing the exact location of Kalaman's tomb, 354 00:17:50,902 --> 00:17:54,354 in which Taha and her priceless headdress are buried. 355 00:17:54,457 --> 00:17:56,597 Well, if this were authentic, 356 00:17:56,701 --> 00:18:02,051 you would still have to uncover an entire city 357 00:18:02,155 --> 00:18:05,192 that nobody has been able to find. 358 00:18:05,296 --> 00:18:06,952 I found it. 359 00:18:07,056 --> 00:18:10,197 On a tiny, forgotten island in the Atlantic called Isla Hundida. 360 00:18:10,301 --> 00:18:13,856 What I have not been able to find is Kalaman's final resting place. 361 00:18:13,959 --> 00:18:18,240 This piece of parchment is the only clue we found among the ruins. 362 00:18:18,343 --> 00:18:21,484 I need someone who can decipher these symbols. 363 00:18:22,106 --> 00:18:23,659 I need you. 364 00:18:24,798 --> 00:18:26,248 Well...Miss Sage, 365 00:18:26,351 --> 00:18:29,734 surely this isn't how you want your story to end. 366 00:18:29,837 --> 00:18:32,426 We both had our dreams crushed by bad luck, 367 00:18:32,530 --> 00:18:34,773 or in my case, an arse-kissing little brother, 368 00:18:34,877 --> 00:18:37,983 but this is our chance to show them all. 369 00:18:38,087 --> 00:18:39,675 Come with me... to the island. 370 00:18:39,778 --> 00:18:44,921 Translate these symbols and help me find the Crown of Fire. 371 00:18:45,025 --> 00:18:47,648 You can name your price. 372 00:18:50,272 --> 00:18:53,102 I must respectfully decline. 373 00:18:55,794 --> 00:18:57,244 [lid creaks closed] 374 00:18:57,969 --> 00:18:59,177 Well... 375 00:19:00,799 --> 00:19:02,767 I can't say I'm not disappointed. 376 00:19:03,664 --> 00:19:06,150 But I understand how you feel. 377 00:19:09,498 --> 00:19:11,258 Will you at least let us give you a ride? 378 00:19:11,362 --> 00:19:15,642 Oh, no, thank you. I'll call for my own car, and I'll just... 379 00:19:16,781 --> 00:19:18,921 [mechanical whirring] 380 00:19:19,024 --> 00:19:21,303 [aircraft blades whirring] 381 00:19:37,215 --> 00:19:40,977 [Beth] I don't feel like you're listening to me. This is urgent, and we-- 382 00:19:41,081 --> 00:19:44,015 Okay, so the police are saying that they put out an APB... 383 00:19:44,118 --> 00:19:45,775 APB....on an SUV, 384 00:19:45,879 --> 00:19:48,122 and there's this 24-hour rule...Why is there a rule? 385 00:19:48,226 --> 00:19:50,642 ...and they won't do anything until...What about the FBI or the CIA? 386 00:19:50,746 --> 00:19:52,713 -They said to call the police. -I'm sure Loretta's fine. 387 00:19:52,817 --> 00:19:55,406 When I was in college, my friend Nicki went missing. 388 00:19:55,509 --> 00:19:57,131 Everyone was, like, freaking out. 389 00:19:57,235 --> 00:19:59,582 But then she was just in her car. 390 00:19:59,686 --> 00:20:02,861 She was dead, but we found her. She wasn't gone. 391 00:20:02,965 --> 00:20:07,314 Um, what about... Maybe we could get a PI 392 00:20:07,418 --> 00:20:09,937 or, like, you know, private security or-- 393 00:20:10,041 --> 00:20:11,939 What about an extraction team, like the movie? 394 00:20:12,043 --> 00:20:14,528 Yes! But who does that? The ex-military, right? 395 00:20:14,632 --> 00:20:17,221 Oh, yeah. I think I actually have somebody that could help us. 396 00:20:17,324 --> 00:20:20,293 -Oh. -I did this meditation retreat, 397 00:20:20,396 --> 00:20:22,467 and there was this trainer guy there. 398 00:20:22,571 --> 00:20:24,089 You should see this guy meditate. 399 00:20:24,193 --> 00:20:25,608 But he's ex-Navy SEAL. 400 00:20:25,712 --> 00:20:29,509 He-- He's a special ops trainer. What was his name? 401 00:20:30,199 --> 00:20:31,338 Yeah. Jack Trainer. 402 00:20:31,442 --> 00:20:33,064 So he's a trainer named Jack Trainer? 403 00:20:33,167 --> 00:20:35,342 That's how I have everybody in my phone. See, "Janice Mom." 404 00:20:35,446 --> 00:20:36,895 "Larry Doorknob." "Stacy Butt Stuff." 405 00:20:36,999 --> 00:20:39,691 Look, this is what this guy does. He finds people. 406 00:20:39,795 --> 00:20:42,073 If there's anybody that can help us, it's him. 407 00:20:42,176 --> 00:20:43,557 [line ringing] 408 00:20:46,802 --> 00:20:48,907 [ringing continues] 409 00:20:49,011 --> 00:20:51,531 [on phone] Jack Trainer.Oh, so his name is actually Jack Trainer. 410 00:20:51,634 --> 00:20:55,535 Hi, uh, this is Alan from "Touching Your Inner Self." 411 00:20:57,019 --> 00:20:58,848 The meditation retreat? 412 00:20:58,952 --> 00:21:00,471 [chewing sounds] 413 00:21:00,574 --> 00:21:03,646 Anyway, uh, okay. Our friend Loretta has been kidnapped, 414 00:21:03,750 --> 00:21:05,199 and no one's helping us. 415 00:21:05,303 --> 00:21:06,787 [Jack] How long she been missing? 416 00:21:06,891 --> 00:21:08,133 Maybe two hours now. 417 00:21:08,237 --> 00:21:09,549 Who is that? 418 00:21:09,652 --> 00:21:13,691 Um, this is B-- This is Beth. I'm Beth. 419 00:21:13,794 --> 00:21:16,210 And Allison is on too, sir. 420 00:21:16,314 --> 00:21:18,523 Did she have any Wi-Fi-enabled devices? 421 00:21:18,627 --> 00:21:21,526 -She's got her phone, right? -No, I have her phone. 422 00:21:21,630 --> 00:21:24,253 Oh! She has a smartwatch. It ripped my wig off. 423 00:21:24,357 --> 00:21:27,291 What was that scenario? Never mind. Open the phone. 424 00:21:27,394 --> 00:21:28,947 Go to the smartwatch app.All right. 425 00:21:29,051 --> 00:21:31,364 Then hit "Find My Smartwatch." 426 00:21:31,467 --> 00:21:34,401 Oh, my... That is so good. That's why we called. 427 00:21:34,505 --> 00:21:36,955 "Anticipate the difficult by managing the easy." 428 00:21:37,059 --> 00:21:40,752 Is that Oprah or Deepak? Laozi fromTao-te Ching. 429 00:21:40,856 --> 00:21:42,064 Oh, my God. 430 00:21:42,167 --> 00:21:43,859 It's in the Atlantic. 431 00:21:43,962 --> 00:21:46,310 She's on a plane?[Alan] How can you tell that? 432 00:21:46,413 --> 00:21:48,588 'Cause she can't swim that fast. 433 00:21:48,691 --> 00:21:50,141 [Jack] Doesn't sound like a ransom scenario. 434 00:21:50,244 --> 00:21:52,868 My guess is blood sport, Hunger Games type situation. 435 00:21:52,971 --> 00:21:55,802 Possibly some coke-fueled dark web scavenger hunt. 436 00:21:55,905 --> 00:21:57,942 Real clown shit. We'll have to move fast. 437 00:21:58,045 --> 00:22:00,979 -How do we pay you? -Cryptocurrency. Cash App. 438 00:22:01,083 --> 00:22:04,569 I'll have her back within 48 hours or your next rescue is free. 439 00:22:04,673 --> 00:22:06,157 How many people need a next rescue? 440 00:22:06,260 --> 00:22:07,779 More than you'd think. 441 00:22:07,883 --> 00:22:09,712 -I'm gonna need that phone. -I'll bring it to you. 442 00:22:09,816 --> 00:22:12,577 Let me know where she lands. I'll meet you there, Alan. 443 00:22:12,681 --> 00:22:15,822 [aircraft jets whirring] 444 00:22:27,385 --> 00:22:28,628 Hello. 445 00:22:33,218 --> 00:22:34,358 Where am I? 446 00:22:34,461 --> 00:22:36,463 Um, you're on my plane. 447 00:22:36,567 --> 00:22:37,775 It's nice, isn't it? Hmm? 448 00:22:37,878 --> 00:22:39,708 The seats are made of mama llama leather. 449 00:22:39,811 --> 00:22:42,918 Well, I'm getting off your plane. 450 00:22:43,021 --> 00:22:44,402 Unchain me! 451 00:22:44,506 --> 00:22:46,059 That's your seat belt. 452 00:22:46,646 --> 00:22:48,510 Did you chloroform me? 453 00:22:48,613 --> 00:22:50,822 People actually do that? 454 00:22:50,926 --> 00:22:53,100 [grunts, groans] 455 00:22:53,204 --> 00:22:55,862 Well, you know, it's a classic for a reason. 456 00:22:56,552 --> 00:22:57,795 My body feels drunk. 457 00:22:57,898 --> 00:22:59,797 It'll wear off in a bit. I am sorry. 458 00:22:59,900 --> 00:23:02,316 I just couldn't wait around for you to change your mind. 459 00:23:02,420 --> 00:23:04,871 Stop playing jelly.Time is not on our side. 460 00:23:04,974 --> 00:23:07,701 You see, the volcano we're excavating around 461 00:23:07,805 --> 00:23:09,772 has developed a bad case of indigestion. 462 00:23:09,876 --> 00:23:11,740 I'm rather worried that when it blows,[grunts] 463 00:23:11,843 --> 00:23:13,914 everything that's left of the Lost City will be destroyed. 464 00:23:14,018 --> 00:23:15,916 Oh, my God. My legs don't work. 465 00:23:16,020 --> 00:23:21,439 So, this is our last chance to find both the tomb and the crown. 466 00:23:21,543 --> 00:23:23,579 Oh, God. [groaning][Fairfax] Oh! 467 00:23:23,683 --> 00:23:25,961 Don't worry. That's just our final descent. 468 00:23:26,064 --> 00:23:32,070 But it is the beginning of the greatest adventure of your life. 469 00:24:29,680 --> 00:24:31,751 [engine switches off, door opens] 470 00:24:32,372 --> 00:24:33,580 [door closes] 471 00:24:37,101 --> 00:24:39,068 [chattering in Spanish] 472 00:24:40,691 --> 00:24:42,762 Welcome to the Lost City. 473 00:24:52,392 --> 00:24:53,807 How did you find it? 474 00:24:53,911 --> 00:24:56,051 So, the city was built on a lava dome. 475 00:24:56,154 --> 00:24:58,847 As the volcano became active, the dome filled with lava, 476 00:24:58,950 --> 00:25:01,574 and sunken things rose to the surface. 477 00:25:01,677 --> 00:25:03,576 The D exposed itself. 478 00:25:03,679 --> 00:25:06,717 -The entire city? -No, no. Just the tip. 479 00:25:06,820 --> 00:25:10,030 As soon as I heard rumors of the ruins, I flew over and bought the place. 480 00:25:10,134 --> 00:25:13,413 The site?No. The island. The southern half. 481 00:25:13,517 --> 00:25:15,864 I got a good deal 'cause this is where the lava flows. 482 00:25:15,967 --> 00:25:18,211 We've been excavating for a year now. 483 00:25:19,281 --> 00:25:21,835 One doesn't kidnap a romance novelist on day one. 484 00:25:21,939 --> 00:25:23,975 Ah, yes, as the saying goes. 485 00:25:24,079 --> 00:25:27,082 Rafi doesn't like it. Do you, Rafi? 486 00:25:27,185 --> 00:25:30,361 He says we're disrespecting his heritage. 487 00:25:30,464 --> 00:25:33,709 But not a lot of other job options on the island, are there, Rafi? 488 00:25:33,813 --> 00:25:35,884 Beggars can't be choosers. 489 00:25:45,721 --> 00:25:47,551 No more charcuterie, I take it. 490 00:25:47,654 --> 00:25:49,760 Mmm. Please. I'm not a monster. 491 00:25:49,863 --> 00:25:51,693 Whatever you need, just shout. 492 00:25:53,211 --> 00:25:58,078 Uh, leave one hand free. She has some translating to do. 493 00:25:59,286 --> 00:26:00,529 And then what? 494 00:26:00,633 --> 00:26:03,152 Loretta, I really wish you would try and see 495 00:26:03,256 --> 00:26:05,396 what an exciting opportunity this is for us. 496 00:26:05,499 --> 00:26:09,400 I believe this text describes the exact location of the tomb. 497 00:26:09,503 --> 00:26:12,023 It's a logographic system. 498 00:26:12,783 --> 00:26:15,371 Like cuneiform or hieroglyphics. 499 00:26:15,475 --> 00:26:19,272 Now, if you have other documents that possibly I can compare-- 500 00:26:19,375 --> 00:26:20,653 Yeah, no luck there. 501 00:26:20,756 --> 00:26:23,552 We found some scratching at a nearby waterfall, 502 00:26:23,656 --> 00:26:24,553 but it was useless. 503 00:26:24,657 --> 00:26:26,210 Just pictures of women. 504 00:26:26,313 --> 00:26:30,904 Look, I, too, wish your dear old dead archaeologist husband 505 00:26:31,008 --> 00:26:33,735 was here to help, but he's not, so, 506 00:26:33,838 --> 00:26:36,945 time to shine, Loretta, sex-book writer. 507 00:26:38,360 --> 00:26:40,086 They will come for me. 508 00:26:40,673 --> 00:26:42,398 Who, exactly? 509 00:26:42,502 --> 00:26:44,228 Your-- Your many cats? 510 00:26:44,331 --> 00:26:46,126 Oh, I don't have cats. 511 00:26:46,713 --> 00:26:48,542 Somehow even more sad. 512 00:26:48,646 --> 00:26:51,615 I have a hamster, asshole! 513 00:26:51,718 --> 00:26:53,375 You have a hamster's asshole? 514 00:26:53,478 --> 00:26:57,241 No, there was a-- there was a comma between-- Forget it. 515 00:26:57,344 --> 00:27:00,762 I bet your brother never had to kidnap anyone! 516 00:27:15,708 --> 00:27:19,815 [announcer on intercom speaking Spanish] 517 00:27:32,483 --> 00:27:35,762 ♪ From the dusty mesa♪ 518 00:27:35,866 --> 00:27:40,180 ♪ Her looming shadow grows♪ 519 00:27:40,284 --> 00:27:43,667 ♪ Hidden in the branches♪ 520 00:27:43,770 --> 00:27:47,843 ♪ Of the poison creosote♪ 521 00:27:51,502 --> 00:27:53,090 Good to see you, man. 522 00:27:53,193 --> 00:27:54,816 Phone.Right. 523 00:28:06,690 --> 00:28:07,932 What? 524 00:28:08,036 --> 00:28:10,624 Yeah, I was thinking that I could, you know, 525 00:28:10,728 --> 00:28:12,316 maybe just sort of come with you. 526 00:28:12,419 --> 00:28:14,180 Why?To help. 527 00:28:14,283 --> 00:28:18,425 I know CPR. I know some light karate. CrossFit certified. 528 00:28:18,529 --> 00:28:20,048 Okay, okay, listen, listen! 529 00:28:20,911 --> 00:28:22,602 I just-- It's my fault. 530 00:28:22,706 --> 00:28:24,811 Not the kidnapping and stuff, 531 00:28:24,915 --> 00:28:27,987 but, like, I said some really mean stuff to her, and I regret it, 532 00:28:28,090 --> 00:28:29,713 and I just need to take it back. 533 00:28:29,816 --> 00:28:31,197 I called her a human mummy. 534 00:28:32,543 --> 00:28:33,958 Mummies are human. 535 00:28:34,614 --> 00:28:37,030 I'm aware of that now, yes. 536 00:28:37,134 --> 00:28:40,171 That is true.[breathes deeply] 537 00:28:40,275 --> 00:28:41,276 Please. 538 00:28:42,553 --> 00:28:45,245 All right, Alan, I can't be responsible for you. 539 00:28:46,212 --> 00:28:47,213 Okay. Yeah. 540 00:28:47,316 --> 00:28:50,285 I need you to stay in the car.Yeah. 541 00:28:50,388 --> 00:28:52,494 In the car.In the car. 542 00:28:52,597 --> 00:28:55,048 The whole time.The whole time? 543 00:28:55,152 --> 00:28:56,394 Whole time. 544 00:28:56,498 --> 00:28:57,741 Mm-hmm. 545 00:28:59,501 --> 00:29:00,778 Yes! 546 00:29:06,646 --> 00:29:07,612 [lock chirps] 547 00:29:07,716 --> 00:29:09,062 This is me. 548 00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:12,238 Really? Is this what the SEAL teams use? 549 00:29:12,341 --> 00:29:14,999 "Only a fool chooses a horse by its color." 550 00:29:15,103 --> 00:29:17,899 Right, right. The Tao-te Ching? 551 00:29:18,002 --> 00:29:21,143 No, it was on the sign back there at the rental place. 552 00:29:22,420 --> 00:29:24,871 [car engine starts, revs] 553 00:29:29,669 --> 00:29:30,877 Thank you. 554 00:29:35,433 --> 00:29:41,267 ♪ I once had a life Or rather, life had me♪ 555 00:29:41,370 --> 00:29:44,373 ♪ I was one among many♪ 556 00:29:44,477 --> 00:29:47,929 ♪ Or at least I seemed to be♪ 557 00:29:48,032 --> 00:29:54,867 ♪ Well, I read an old quotation In a book just yesterday♪ 558 00:29:54,970 --> 00:29:57,904 ♪ Said "Gonna reap just what you sow♪ 559 00:29:58,008 --> 00:30:01,218 ♪ The debts you make You have to pay"♪ 560 00:30:01,321 --> 00:30:03,047 ♪ Can you get to that?♪ 561 00:30:03,703 --> 00:30:05,153 What? What? 562 00:30:07,396 --> 00:30:09,398 I was hoping to invite you to breakfast, 563 00:30:09,502 --> 00:30:12,160 but it looks like you still have work to do. 564 00:30:13,126 --> 00:30:14,887 Uh, wait, wait, wait. 565 00:30:14,990 --> 00:30:16,509 Wait. Wait, wait, wait. 566 00:30:16,612 --> 00:30:18,614 I believe this says 567 00:30:18,718 --> 00:30:20,720 "rest" or "resting." 568 00:30:20,824 --> 00:30:23,723 So it would be, "Kalaman and his treasure..." 569 00:30:23,827 --> 00:30:28,314 And then there are some missing pieces, and then "rest," "resting," 570 00:30:28,417 --> 00:30:31,835 and something about "tears," so... 571 00:30:33,629 --> 00:30:34,630 Resting where? 572 00:30:34,734 --> 00:30:35,942 Hmm? Oh! 573 00:30:36,046 --> 00:30:38,807 Didn't say. It doesn't say. 574 00:30:38,911 --> 00:30:40,050 [Loretta stammers] 575 00:30:40,153 --> 00:30:43,156 Miss Sage, I need you to do better. 576 00:30:43,260 --> 00:30:46,711 Then next time maybe don't kidnap a romance novelist, hmm? 577 00:30:46,815 --> 00:30:49,024 My God, this shouldn't be this hard! 578 00:30:49,128 --> 00:30:51,061 It is not some pauper's grave we're looking for. 579 00:30:51,164 --> 00:30:53,442 It is a monument to a great man! 580 00:30:53,546 --> 00:30:55,479 King Kalaman was ambitious, he was powerful, 581 00:30:55,582 --> 00:30:58,033 he was the first man to build a city in the Atlantic. 582 00:30:58,137 --> 00:31:00,794 The eyes of his subjects would have turned to him. 583 00:31:00,898 --> 00:31:04,143 He would have had a pyramid, a ziggurat, a tower 584 00:31:04,246 --> 00:31:06,214 to hold his Crown of Fire. 585 00:31:06,317 --> 00:31:09,217 All I need to know is where it is. 586 00:31:09,320 --> 00:31:12,565 I don't know if you recall, but you only said translate it. 587 00:31:12,668 --> 00:31:14,808 I-I translated it. 588 00:31:15,602 --> 00:31:17,190 Translate it again. 589 00:31:22,816 --> 00:31:25,854 One day, we're gonna laugh about this. [chuckles] 590 00:31:25,958 --> 00:31:28,098 Such an adventure we're having. 591 00:31:31,204 --> 00:31:35,553 I should go with you, just for backup and awesomeness. 592 00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:38,177 This is pretty awesome. 593 00:31:38,280 --> 00:31:40,938 You got nature, the radio. 594 00:31:42,077 --> 00:31:45,701 Yeah, you're right, but it's very, very important to me 595 00:31:45,805 --> 00:31:47,669 that she knows that I came to rescue her. 596 00:31:47,772 --> 00:31:49,464 Why? Do you like this woman? 597 00:31:50,465 --> 00:31:52,674 No, I just brought snacks and stuff. 598 00:31:52,777 --> 00:31:54,952 And she gets a little grumpy when she's hungry. 599 00:31:55,056 --> 00:31:58,473 Blood pressure drops. And I get that because I'm a five-meal-a-day kind of guy. 600 00:31:58,576 --> 00:32:01,372 Do you keto, by the way? You look like you keto. 601 00:32:01,476 --> 00:32:03,167 No.No. Yeah. 602 00:32:03,271 --> 00:32:04,997 [chuckles] You don't need it. 603 00:32:05,100 --> 00:32:06,584 What is it? 604 00:32:06,688 --> 00:32:10,278 I just want her to think of me as more than a cover model. 605 00:32:10,381 --> 00:32:14,627 But, Alan, you are so much more. You're my lookout. 606 00:32:14,730 --> 00:32:18,079 Okay, can I at least do the part where I put her in the car 607 00:32:18,182 --> 00:32:21,910 and I just go, "Shh. You're safe now"? 608 00:32:22,980 --> 00:32:24,982 Sure, champ. She'll love that. 609 00:32:25,086 --> 00:32:26,950 Oh, you're just going? Going to start? 610 00:32:27,053 --> 00:32:29,469 You're starting the mission now? Okay. 611 00:32:38,789 --> 00:32:40,446 [handle rattles] 612 00:32:41,136 --> 00:32:43,587 [birds screeching] 613 00:32:43,690 --> 00:32:45,934 ["Red Right Hand" playing] 614 00:32:53,666 --> 00:32:55,875 [grunts] Oh! 615 00:33:02,675 --> 00:33:03,917 [grunts] 616 00:33:04,918 --> 00:33:06,403 Go to sleep. 617 00:33:06,506 --> 00:33:08,163 ♪ Take a little walk To the edge of town♪ 618 00:33:08,267 --> 00:33:10,994 ♪ And go across the tracks♪ 619 00:33:12,340 --> 00:33:16,447 ♪ Where the viaduct looms Like a bird of doom♪ 620 00:33:16,551 --> 00:33:20,658 ♪ As it shifts and cracks♪ 621 00:33:20,762 --> 00:33:26,526 ♪ Where secrets lie In the border fires In the humming wires♪ 622 00:33:26,630 --> 00:33:29,771 ♪ Hey, man, you know You're never coming back♪ 623 00:33:29,874 --> 00:33:32,084 ♪ Past the square Past the bridge♪ 624 00:33:32,187 --> 00:33:35,121 ♪ Past the mills Past the stacks♪ 625 00:33:35,225 --> 00:33:36,364 Alan.What? 626 00:33:36,467 --> 00:33:38,228 This is a breach of trust, Alan. 627 00:33:38,331 --> 00:33:39,884 I can help. Let me help. 628 00:33:39,988 --> 00:33:43,164 ♪ A tall handsome man In a dusty black coat♪ 629 00:33:43,267 --> 00:33:45,925 Stay close. Stay alive. 630 00:33:50,792 --> 00:33:52,035 Hey. 631 00:33:53,105 --> 00:33:54,347 [grunts] 632 00:33:54,451 --> 00:33:56,867 ♪ He'll wrap you in his arms♪ 633 00:33:56,970 --> 00:33:58,489 Go to sleep. 634 00:33:58,593 --> 00:34:00,767 ♪ Tell you that you've Been a good boy♪ 635 00:34:00,871 --> 00:34:04,978 I got his head. What do I do with his head? I'm just gonna set him down. 636 00:34:06,256 --> 00:34:07,981 [shouts, grunts] 637 00:34:11,123 --> 00:34:12,331 [shouts]No. 638 00:34:12,917 --> 00:34:14,091 Hey, hey, no! 639 00:34:14,195 --> 00:34:15,403 No, no, no! 640 00:34:15,506 --> 00:34:16,956 [grunts] 641 00:34:17,060 --> 00:34:19,752 ♪ There won't be a single thing That you can do♪ 642 00:34:19,855 --> 00:34:22,858 ♪ He's a god, he's a man He's a ghost, he's a guru♪ 643 00:34:22,962 --> 00:34:24,791 Ooh, yeah! Ooh. 644 00:34:24,895 --> 00:34:25,861 Ow. 645 00:34:25,965 --> 00:34:27,518 Teamwork, yeah! 646 00:34:27,622 --> 00:34:30,901 Great effort, Alan, but that man was already unconscious. 647 00:34:31,004 --> 00:34:32,696 I was already wound up. 648 00:34:33,628 --> 00:34:36,389 Just don't do it when I'm... 649 00:34:39,461 --> 00:34:40,738 Hi. 650 00:34:42,982 --> 00:34:44,708 -[grunts] -Oh! 651 00:34:45,985 --> 00:34:47,607 [Alan] On your seven! 652 00:34:48,160 --> 00:34:49,747 [shouts] 653 00:34:52,543 --> 00:34:53,613 Oh! 654 00:34:58,411 --> 00:35:00,344 Trainer, he's not asleep! 655 00:35:00,448 --> 00:35:02,622 Stay-- Stay down. Stay down. 656 00:35:05,280 --> 00:35:07,800 -You're doing great. -Thanks. 657 00:35:07,903 --> 00:35:09,422 Where you going? 658 00:35:09,526 --> 00:35:12,287 ♪ Through the ghettos And the barrio♪ 659 00:35:12,391 --> 00:35:14,910 ♪ And the Bowery and the slums♪What? 660 00:35:15,014 --> 00:35:16,291 [grunts] 661 00:35:17,568 --> 00:35:19,052 Loretta Sage? 662 00:35:19,536 --> 00:35:20,330 Yes. 663 00:35:20,433 --> 00:35:22,297 I'm getting you out of here. 664 00:35:23,333 --> 00:35:26,370 Why are you so handsome?My dad was a weatherman. 665 00:35:26,888 --> 00:35:28,131 [grunts] 666 00:35:28,579 --> 00:35:29,408 A-Alan? 667 00:35:29,511 --> 00:35:31,548 Yeah.What are you doing here? 668 00:35:31,651 --> 00:35:34,447 -Uh, irregardless, I'm here to save you. -That's not... 669 00:35:34,551 --> 00:35:36,794 -I think he meant "regardless." -Yes. 670 00:35:38,210 --> 00:35:42,179 Ooh, uh, does she need saving in there, Trainer? I think she's fine there. 671 00:35:42,283 --> 00:35:45,458 No, no, leave it. Don't take their stuff. They'll come after us. 672 00:35:48,116 --> 00:35:49,669 Alan, why do you keep doing that? 673 00:35:49,773 --> 00:35:51,740 Why do you keep doing that? I had that one. 674 00:35:51,844 --> 00:35:54,364 It's just getting mean now. It's unnecessary. 675 00:35:54,467 --> 00:35:56,228 I'm sorry. I just wanted to get one in. 676 00:35:56,331 --> 00:35:59,403 -Excuse me. Would it be possible to remove me from the chair? -No time. 677 00:35:59,507 --> 00:36:01,923 -No time? There's been so much chitchat. -[men shouting] 678 00:36:02,026 --> 00:36:03,338 We should definitely go. 679 00:36:03,442 --> 00:36:05,064 [security shouting] Let's go! Let's go! 680 00:36:05,168 --> 00:36:08,136 ♪ We're running with The shadows of the night♪ 681 00:36:08,240 --> 00:36:12,416 ♪ So, baby, take my hand It'll be all right♪ 682 00:36:12,520 --> 00:36:16,524 ♪ They'll come true in the end♪ 683 00:36:30,917 --> 00:36:32,056 Why are things exploding? 684 00:36:32,160 --> 00:36:33,506 [explosion] 685 00:36:33,610 --> 00:36:35,681 [people shouting in Spanish] 686 00:36:39,719 --> 00:36:40,755 I got-- 687 00:36:42,412 --> 00:36:43,620 [lock beeps]Okay. 688 00:36:44,517 --> 00:36:45,794 Shh... 689 00:36:45,898 --> 00:36:47,796 Shh. You're safe now. 690 00:36:47,900 --> 00:36:49,039 You're... 691 00:36:49,142 --> 00:36:51,283 How-- How are you so calm? 692 00:36:51,386 --> 00:36:53,871 That was my-- That was my line.[Jack] Here. 693 00:36:56,011 --> 00:36:57,910 What?Is that Reiki? 694 00:36:58,013 --> 00:37:00,464 Are you healing me?I think so. 695 00:37:00,568 --> 00:37:03,778 -[Loretta] Ah. -As Laozi says, "To the mind that is still..." 696 00:37:03,881 --> 00:37:06,781 "...the whole universe surrenders."[Alan] Hey, yeah, I know some-- 697 00:37:06,884 --> 00:37:09,680 I know some, um, quotes that could be good for this moment. 698 00:37:09,784 --> 00:37:11,510 In omnia paratus. 699 00:37:12,407 --> 00:37:14,271 "Ready for anything." 700 00:37:14,375 --> 00:37:17,032 Maybe we shouldn't be just staring lovingly into each other's eyes 701 00:37:17,136 --> 00:37:20,588 like you're gonna fall in love like I'm not here. 702 00:37:21,140 --> 00:37:22,106 Who are you? 703 00:37:22,210 --> 00:37:24,937 Just a guy trying to do his job. 704 00:37:25,040 --> 00:37:27,836 And right now, that job is to get this lovely lady-- 705 00:37:28,665 --> 00:37:30,183 Oh! Oh. 706 00:37:30,287 --> 00:37:32,185 Oh, God. Okay.[Alan groaning] 707 00:37:33,359 --> 00:37:35,568 -[gunshot] -[Alan] No. What is happening? 708 00:37:36,224 --> 00:37:37,190 [Loretta shouts] 709 00:37:37,294 --> 00:37:38,916 -[gunshot] -[shouts] 710 00:37:39,020 --> 00:37:40,987 [Alan] Okay. What do we do? 711 00:37:41,091 --> 00:37:43,196 We need to do-- I can't see. 712 00:37:43,300 --> 00:37:44,715 I don't like it! [gags] 713 00:37:44,819 --> 00:37:46,303 Here. Here! 714 00:37:46,407 --> 00:37:48,857 -Why would you throw a gun? -Seriously? 715 00:37:50,238 --> 00:37:53,068 Get me out of the chair.I can't. We don't have time. 716 00:37:53,172 --> 00:37:54,484 [bullet whizzes, clangs] 717 00:37:56,624 --> 00:37:58,695 [Alan] Gotta squeeze! You got to do a Kegel or something! 718 00:37:58,798 --> 00:38:01,180 -Kegel it! -What do you think a Kegel is? 719 00:38:01,284 --> 00:38:03,665 I'm not in it, not in! Still not in! 720 00:38:03,769 --> 00:38:06,150 -You got to go in more. -Stop. Stop. Stop it! 721 00:38:06,254 --> 00:38:08,256 [window shatters][gasps] Oh, oh, oh! 722 00:38:08,360 --> 00:38:11,880 Oh, God. Get in the car, get in the car! Start the car! Start the car! 723 00:38:11,984 --> 00:38:13,261 -Go, go. -Move your leg. 724 00:38:13,365 --> 00:38:15,677 Which one?Both of them! Move them! 725 00:38:19,440 --> 00:38:21,407 Forward, forward!Okay. Okay. 726 00:38:21,511 --> 00:38:25,825 -I'm going! I'm going! Okay! -Drive! 727 00:38:26,964 --> 00:38:30,589 [Alan] Shh. You're safe now. Shh. 728 00:38:32,245 --> 00:38:33,626 Ow. 729 00:38:33,730 --> 00:38:35,870 Shh. You're safe now.No, I'm not. Not safe. 730 00:38:35,973 --> 00:38:37,734 Oh, no, am I bleeding? 731 00:38:37,837 --> 00:38:40,840 -I don't think that's yours. -Oh, no, that's a lot of blood. 732 00:38:40,944 --> 00:38:42,048 [Alan gags] 733 00:38:42,152 --> 00:38:43,981 [Loretta] Cheese and rice! 734 00:38:44,085 --> 00:38:45,569 Are those his brains?What? 735 00:38:45,673 --> 00:38:47,640 I think his brains are on my face! 736 00:38:47,744 --> 00:38:51,368 Definitely his brains are in my mouth. I can taste his thoughts! 737 00:38:51,472 --> 00:38:52,680 Focus on the road. 738 00:38:52,783 --> 00:38:54,923 He just liked training people. Trainer. 739 00:38:55,027 --> 00:38:57,892 -What are you talking about? -He loved me. 740 00:38:57,995 --> 00:39:00,584 Can you just scooch the car over to the left? 741 00:39:00,688 --> 00:39:04,416 Get it off. Get it off.Oh, God. 742 00:39:04,519 --> 00:39:05,796 Watch out! 743 00:39:10,007 --> 00:39:12,907 Oh! Oh! Oh! 744 00:39:13,010 --> 00:39:15,047 [laughs] 745 00:39:15,150 --> 00:39:16,911 Oh, did you see... 746 00:39:19,879 --> 00:39:20,915 No. 747 00:39:26,334 --> 00:39:27,646 Oh. 748 00:39:29,095 --> 00:39:31,408 Oh, no. Oh, no.[horn honks] 749 00:39:31,960 --> 00:39:33,445 Oh, no. 750 00:39:41,867 --> 00:39:43,420 Oh, no. 751 00:39:44,110 --> 00:39:45,905 [Loretta] Alan?[gasps] 752 00:39:46,009 --> 00:39:49,599 Oh, holy Christmas. Are you okay? Are you okay? 753 00:39:49,702 --> 00:39:51,773 Do you think you could get me out of here? 754 00:39:51,877 --> 00:39:53,430 Yeah. Okay. 755 00:39:53,534 --> 00:39:56,433 You just flew out of the car.I did. I did, indeed. 756 00:39:56,537 --> 00:39:57,986 Okay. I got you. I got you. 757 00:39:58,090 --> 00:40:00,541 Can you get me out of the chair? Get me out of the chair. 758 00:40:00,644 --> 00:40:02,474 You're right. You're right. You're right. 759 00:40:03,820 --> 00:40:05,649 Is that-- Is that a nail filer?Yeah. 760 00:40:05,753 --> 00:40:07,237 Can you just rip it?It's working. 761 00:40:07,340 --> 00:40:09,135 And maybe next time I toss a gun at you, 762 00:40:09,239 --> 00:40:11,137 you can catch it instead of ducking. 763 00:40:11,241 --> 00:40:14,451 How about the next time you toss a gun at me, you say, "Hey, Alan, catch"? 764 00:40:14,555 --> 00:40:16,419 Then maybe do that before you throw it? 765 00:40:16,522 --> 00:40:18,628 Well, "here" is a synonym for "catch." 766 00:40:18,731 --> 00:40:20,250 No, "here" is not a cinnamon for "catch." 767 00:40:20,353 --> 00:40:22,425 In a colloquial kind of way, yes, it is. 768 00:40:22,528 --> 00:40:24,634 You say, "Here," I toss you a sweatshirt. 769 00:40:24,737 --> 00:40:26,739 You say, "Here," I toss you a pen. 770 00:40:26,843 --> 00:40:29,915 How 'bout just, "Hey! Catch! Gun!" 771 00:40:30,018 --> 00:40:33,021 Anything that you want to throw, I'll catch it because you said, "Catch." 772 00:40:33,125 --> 00:40:34,885 And I'll catch it because you said it. 773 00:40:34,989 --> 00:40:37,405 That is also an option, and then we would have a gun with us. 774 00:40:37,509 --> 00:40:38,613 That's a thing. 775 00:40:38,717 --> 00:40:40,995 Be careful.Okay, we need to call-- 776 00:40:41,098 --> 00:40:42,755 Be careful. 777 00:40:42,859 --> 00:40:45,378 We need to call for help, get to the airport and get out of here. 778 00:40:45,482 --> 00:40:47,484 And I am driving.Okay. 779 00:40:49,693 --> 00:40:52,558 [both] Oh. Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh! 780 00:41:02,292 --> 00:41:04,674 Okay, call for-- call for help. 781 00:41:04,777 --> 00:41:06,572 Where's your phone? 782 00:41:09,955 --> 00:41:10,990 Okay. 783 00:41:14,615 --> 00:41:17,445 -Tell me you caught them. -I tagged the blond one. 784 00:41:19,102 --> 00:41:21,932 Oh, Loretta. 785 00:41:22,036 --> 00:41:24,107 What are you thinking? 786 00:41:24,210 --> 00:41:27,317 You might've killed one of them, but his partner's still with her. 787 00:41:27,420 --> 00:41:31,079 And he is clearly skilled, highly trained 788 00:41:32,080 --> 00:41:33,737 and very dangerous. 789 00:41:43,540 --> 00:41:47,613 So, Miss Sage said she was gonna leave the event, 790 00:41:47,717 --> 00:41:52,376 then got in a car and left the event? 791 00:41:52,480 --> 00:41:55,172 -Did you try calling her? -She doesn't have her phone. 792 00:41:55,276 --> 00:41:56,691 Stolen phone.Didn't say that. 793 00:41:56,795 --> 00:41:58,555 [Nana] Where's my magnifier? 794 00:41:58,659 --> 00:42:00,661 Listen, can you please help with Nana? 795 00:42:00,764 --> 00:42:03,146 I don't want her hearing about Loretta 'cause it's going to upset her. 796 00:42:03,249 --> 00:42:06,321 -What about Loretta? -Nothing, Nana. She just went on a trip. 797 00:42:06,425 --> 00:42:07,702 [Nana] Good.[Beth] Yeah. 798 00:42:07,806 --> 00:42:10,256 That girl needed to get out of the house. 799 00:42:10,360 --> 00:42:14,537 So, this is the thing. Loretta's phone is not stolen. I took it. 800 00:42:14,640 --> 00:42:19,093 I gave it to Alan. Alan then gave it to the trainer, uh, Jack Trainer. 801 00:42:19,196 --> 00:42:21,474 And that is how we found her wearable. 802 00:42:21,578 --> 00:42:23,269 And who's Alan?[Beth] Dash. 803 00:42:23,373 --> 00:42:26,203 -What's that? -He's the hero in all of her books. 804 00:42:26,307 --> 00:42:29,344 -Nana. Hey, slut. -Mm-mmm. 805 00:42:29,448 --> 00:42:32,382 Let's go in the other room and talk about whichever war you lived through. 806 00:42:32,485 --> 00:42:35,627 Okay. Come on, it'll be fun. I'm sorry. It'll be fun. 807 00:42:35,730 --> 00:42:37,663 Listen, Loretta Sage is missing. 808 00:42:37,767 --> 00:42:39,976 When I looked at her smartwatch, it said that she had flown 809 00:42:40,079 --> 00:42:41,736 to some island I've never even heard about. 810 00:42:41,840 --> 00:42:43,566 That means y'all need to do something about this. 811 00:42:43,669 --> 00:42:46,051 And if you can't, I will, and that won't look good for you. 812 00:42:46,154 --> 00:42:48,881 Pretty sure that's outside our jurisdiction. 813 00:42:48,985 --> 00:42:52,022 -You'd have to call the Feds. -Okay. 814 00:42:52,126 --> 00:42:54,507 And if you do go to the Feds, put in a good word for me. 815 00:42:54,611 --> 00:42:56,993 For me.For us. 816 00:43:02,619 --> 00:43:04,138 Oh, oh. 817 00:43:11,179 --> 00:43:13,423 What are you gonna do, put the car back together? 818 00:43:13,526 --> 00:43:15,736 Well... we could-- 819 00:43:22,777 --> 00:43:25,055 [steam hissing] 820 00:43:31,648 --> 00:43:34,340 Where did you say the phone was?Passenger glove. 821 00:43:34,444 --> 00:43:36,204 What?Passenger glove compartment. 822 00:43:36,308 --> 00:43:37,550 Goodness. 823 00:43:38,655 --> 00:43:40,174 Oh, my God. 824 00:43:40,277 --> 00:43:42,521 Oh, my God. No phone, no car. We're so gonna die out-- 825 00:43:42,625 --> 00:43:44,350 Here.What is this? 826 00:43:44,454 --> 00:43:46,111 Boots for the jungle. 827 00:43:46,974 --> 00:43:48,803 It's not exactly hiking boots, but... 828 00:43:48,907 --> 00:43:51,564 I figured your feet would be killing you after wearing heels for this long. 829 00:43:51,668 --> 00:43:54,015 It was the best we could do. They're Allison's. Sorry. 830 00:43:54,809 --> 00:43:56,880 Oh. Okay, well, thank you. 831 00:43:56,984 --> 00:43:58,779 Here, oh, I got you cheese. 832 00:43:58,882 --> 00:44:00,677 Oh, my God.You got to stay hydrated. 833 00:44:00,781 --> 00:44:02,748 Thank you so much.They didn't have glass bottles, 834 00:44:02,852 --> 00:44:04,854 so we'll definitely hold onto it and recycle. 835 00:44:07,442 --> 00:44:12,137 Okay, so what we need to do is find a phone, we need to call the authorities, 836 00:44:12,240 --> 00:44:15,140 and we need to wait here until somebody comes and rescues us. 837 00:44:15,243 --> 00:44:18,764 Uh... This... This is the rescue. 838 00:44:18,868 --> 00:44:20,145 No one else is coming. 839 00:44:20,248 --> 00:44:22,216 I'm sorry?I'm the rescue. 840 00:44:22,319 --> 00:44:25,253 It was originally just gonna be me, then I was like, Trainer should come. 841 00:44:25,357 --> 00:44:27,083 Oh, Trainer. Rest in peace. 842 00:44:27,186 --> 00:44:31,432 So, our best bet is to get to the airport. See this road right here? 843 00:44:31,535 --> 00:44:34,228 From this area, just take a shortcut through the jungle to the road. 844 00:44:34,331 --> 00:44:36,230 Did you just say "shortcut through the jungle"? 845 00:44:36,333 --> 00:44:37,852 Yeah.Okay, do you see us? 846 00:44:37,956 --> 00:44:40,475 Uh-huh.You are not Dash, and I'm not Lovemore. Okay? 847 00:44:40,579 --> 00:44:41,994 I'm Loretta, and you are Alan. 848 00:44:42,098 --> 00:44:44,410 And jungles eat people like us, okay?Eat people. 849 00:44:44,514 --> 00:44:47,828 And I don't want to mess up the jumpsuit. It's on loan. So we're gonna stay put. 850 00:44:47,931 --> 00:44:49,864 We're not just gonna stand around here, okay? 851 00:44:49,968 --> 00:44:51,348 We're gonna go through the jungle, 852 00:44:51,452 --> 00:44:53,557 we're gonna go to the airport and find a phone, 853 00:44:53,661 --> 00:44:56,664 -so you can have your cake and get what you want. -"And eat it too"? 854 00:44:56,768 --> 00:44:59,218 If that's what you want to do with your cake, fine. Let's go. 855 00:44:59,322 --> 00:45:01,255 -That's the only thing you do with cake. -Not mine. 856 00:45:01,358 --> 00:45:03,809 [Loretta] I don't know what your people do, but my people eat it. 857 00:45:03,913 --> 00:45:06,122 [Alan] You could give it to someone as a gift. 858 00:45:06,225 --> 00:45:08,434 [Loretta] Those people are still going to eat the cake. 859 00:45:08,538 --> 00:45:10,091 Everybody eats cake. 860 00:45:10,195 --> 00:45:12,024 [Alan] What about the kind people jump out of? 861 00:45:12,128 --> 00:45:15,062 They don't eat it, when they're in it.Oh, my God. 862 00:45:41,364 --> 00:45:42,952 [Alan] What did they kidnap you for anyhow? 863 00:45:43,055 --> 00:45:44,919 Is it some weird sex stuff like Taken? 864 00:45:45,023 --> 00:45:46,576 [Loretta] Oh, my God, thank you. 865 00:45:46,679 --> 00:45:49,406 I thought so too, but the guy's one of the Fairfaxes. 866 00:45:49,510 --> 00:45:51,339 Beverly?No, the older one. 867 00:45:51,443 --> 00:45:54,895 The really odd one that had the vlog on finding Montezuma's treasure. 868 00:45:54,998 --> 00:45:57,414 [Alan] The dude that was on the news for trying to raise the Titanic? 869 00:45:57,518 --> 00:45:59,313 [Loretta] Yes, he's looking for the Crown of Fire. 870 00:45:59,416 --> 00:46:03,386 Wait a minute. Like the actual Crown of Fire? Like the one... 871 00:46:03,489 --> 00:46:06,838 So those ruins were--They were the Lost City of D, yes. 872 00:46:06,941 --> 00:46:09,254 What? Are you kidding me right now?Shh. 873 00:46:09,357 --> 00:46:10,807 This is like your book. 874 00:46:10,911 --> 00:46:13,741 So we're basically on a Lovemore and Dash adventure right now? 875 00:46:13,845 --> 00:46:15,847 [insect buzzing]What is that? 876 00:46:15,950 --> 00:46:18,435 What if Fairfax actually finds the crown? 877 00:46:18,539 --> 00:46:19,920 He won't. He won't. 878 00:46:20,023 --> 00:46:21,991 [people shouting in distance] 879 00:46:22,094 --> 00:46:23,199 [Loretta] Where do we go?Uh... 880 00:46:23,302 --> 00:46:25,270 [vehicles approaching]Oh, oh, oh. 881 00:46:28,342 --> 00:46:30,482 Okay, uh, we need to get in the water. 882 00:46:30,585 --> 00:46:32,691 W-What?We need to go by river. 883 00:46:32,795 --> 00:46:34,624 No, no, I don't really do water. 884 00:46:34,727 --> 00:46:37,075 What do you mean, "do water"? I'm not asking you to procreate with it. 885 00:46:37,178 --> 00:46:39,629 Uh, my body and water don't really go together. 886 00:46:39,732 --> 00:46:42,080 [vehicles in distance]How do you feel about dying? Oh, God. 887 00:46:42,183 --> 00:46:44,047 Hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're okay. You're okay. 888 00:46:44,151 --> 00:46:46,981 I got you. Fine.I can swim. I can swim. Thank you very much. 889 00:46:47,085 --> 00:46:49,156 Where are you going?I'm crossing. 890 00:46:49,259 --> 00:46:51,227 No, we have to stay in the water. 891 00:46:51,330 --> 00:46:53,781 I researched aquatic counter-tracking for my book, A Year in the Bush. 892 00:46:53,885 --> 00:46:55,887 They'll lose our tracks in the water. 893 00:46:55,990 --> 00:46:58,786 Why is it warm here? Wait, are you peeing? 894 00:46:58,890 --> 00:47:00,892 Just go around it. 895 00:47:09,521 --> 00:47:11,281 [engines switch off] 896 00:47:29,679 --> 00:47:31,198 [Loretta] Okay, I think... 897 00:47:31,301 --> 00:47:33,200 I think we lost them, right? 898 00:47:33,303 --> 00:47:36,306 Yeah. That wasn't so bad. Yeah. 899 00:47:36,410 --> 00:47:38,067 Okay, uh... 900 00:47:38,170 --> 00:47:40,586 Don't panic.What do you mean, don't panic? 901 00:47:40,690 --> 00:47:41,898 -Just don't panic. -No. 902 00:47:42,002 --> 00:47:43,762 Stop saying "panic." I'm panicking now. 903 00:47:43,866 --> 00:47:45,729 You have something on your back. 904 00:47:47,248 --> 00:47:48,042 [screams] No! 905 00:47:48,146 --> 00:47:49,630 Stop screaming.What is that? 906 00:47:49,733 --> 00:47:50,976 What is that?Stop screaming. 907 00:47:51,080 --> 00:47:52,529 Do you have any on you?No. No. 908 00:47:52,633 --> 00:47:54,083 Why don't you have any on you? 909 00:47:54,186 --> 00:47:55,981 Maybe the jumpsuit scared them off. I don't know. 910 00:47:56,085 --> 00:47:57,603 Get 'em off.Oh, my God. 911 00:47:57,707 --> 00:48:00,227 Okay. No, I can't touch those blood-gorged mucous sacks. 912 00:48:00,330 --> 00:48:01,780 Can you fling it?Right now. 913 00:48:01,884 --> 00:48:03,264 Get it.Just pick it and fling it. 914 00:48:03,368 --> 00:48:05,266 Just pick it and fling it.You pick it and fling it! 915 00:48:05,370 --> 00:48:07,441 Can you spin it off?Please, get it off. 916 00:48:07,544 --> 00:48:09,581 I don't like touching it. I'm feeling faint. 917 00:48:09,684 --> 00:48:12,791 They're sucking my soul out.Okay, okay. Stop, stop, stop. 918 00:48:12,895 --> 00:48:14,344 [groans] 919 00:48:14,448 --> 00:48:16,691 [gags] Don't make that sound.[gags] 920 00:48:16,795 --> 00:48:18,383 [gags] 921 00:48:20,281 --> 00:48:21,765 How many of them are there? 922 00:48:21,869 --> 00:48:23,388 Oh, there's not many. 923 00:48:23,491 --> 00:48:25,493 It feels like there's so many.What are you-- 924 00:48:25,597 --> 00:48:26,909 I feel so many.Oh! 925 00:48:27,012 --> 00:48:29,566 Holy mother of God!Why are you praying? 926 00:48:29,670 --> 00:48:32,707 Is it that bad? It can't be that bad. Is it that bad? How many? 927 00:48:32,811 --> 00:48:34,054 It's not great. 928 00:48:34,157 --> 00:48:35,814 They're gonna suck every bit of me out. 929 00:48:35,918 --> 00:48:38,575 Just please stop speaking. I just need to-- need to get low. 930 00:48:38,679 --> 00:48:40,405 Hold on a second.[groans] 931 00:48:40,508 --> 00:48:43,304 Oh, God! I can feel them just-- they're just sucking out so much. 932 00:48:43,408 --> 00:48:46,273 I'm gonna be like a shriveled-up skin sack when they're done. 933 00:48:46,376 --> 00:48:48,344 You cannot tell my dad I died this way, okay? 934 00:48:48,447 --> 00:48:52,486 You gotta tell him I was wrestling an anaconda with a sword or something. 935 00:48:52,589 --> 00:48:55,385 I'm like a blood Jamba Juice. They're just sucking it all out. 936 00:48:55,489 --> 00:48:57,111 Why are they all on my butt though? 937 00:48:57,215 --> 00:48:59,838 Kind of like picking anchovies off my Caesar salad. 938 00:48:59,942 --> 00:49:01,667 -It's actually not so bad. -Anchovies? 939 00:49:01,771 --> 00:49:03,359 Why do you go to food right now? 940 00:49:03,462 --> 00:49:06,327 Just find the queen, and let's be done with this. 941 00:49:06,431 --> 00:49:08,778 Think you're good. I need to just check your front. 942 00:49:08,881 --> 00:49:11,125 Okay. I can't look. 943 00:49:13,369 --> 00:49:14,680 Is it bad? 944 00:49:14,784 --> 00:49:17,890 Uh, wow.What is it? Just say it. 945 00:49:17,994 --> 00:49:21,342 I mean, you expect it to, you know, not... 946 00:49:21,446 --> 00:49:24,173 Then suddenly there it is, and it is, uh... 947 00:49:24,276 --> 00:49:26,520 You know, you get excited for a person.What? 948 00:49:26,623 --> 00:49:29,247 I mean, I'm excited for all people.Why are you excited? 949 00:49:29,350 --> 00:49:31,663 Well, you know, people wonder, they wonder, 950 00:49:31,766 --> 00:49:33,389 but they don't know, right? 951 00:49:33,492 --> 00:49:35,978 They don't, until suddenly they do know, 952 00:49:36,081 --> 00:49:40,396 and then they-- they know something that wasn't known before. 953 00:49:40,499 --> 00:49:42,363 Just-- Do I have any leeches or not? 954 00:49:42,467 --> 00:49:46,574 Oh, your plucky warrior hangs in tranquil solitude. 955 00:49:46,678 --> 00:49:47,782 What? 956 00:49:47,886 --> 00:49:50,026 No, you're good. You're good. 957 00:49:51,165 --> 00:49:52,891 We were so brave just then. 958 00:49:52,995 --> 00:49:55,238 Why do they go for the butt so much? 959 00:50:07,906 --> 00:50:10,874 [singing in Spanish] 960 00:50:12,083 --> 00:50:14,464 [insect buzzing] 961 00:50:16,535 --> 00:50:19,400 What's that song you're singing? 962 00:50:19,504 --> 00:50:22,507 A song my abbiused to sing to me when I was a kid. 963 00:50:23,473 --> 00:50:26,131 "If you suck life from the island...Yeah? 964 00:50:26,235 --> 00:50:29,031 ...the island will suck of you." 965 00:50:29,134 --> 00:50:33,069 Your grandma sang you songs about getting sucked off by an island? 966 00:50:33,173 --> 00:50:35,520 It doesn't translate super well. 967 00:50:36,417 --> 00:50:39,248 Is phantom leech syndrome, like, a thing? 968 00:50:39,351 --> 00:50:41,353 They don't lay eggs, do they? 969 00:51:30,471 --> 00:51:31,679 Queen Taha? 970 00:51:45,279 --> 00:51:49,663 "King Kalaman and his treasure laid to rest... 971 00:51:50,595 --> 00:51:54,254 laid to rest in the well of endless tears. 972 00:51:54,357 --> 00:51:56,290 Laid to rest in the well of endless tears." 973 00:51:56,394 --> 00:51:58,258 What does that mean?[Alan] Loretta! 974 00:51:58,948 --> 00:52:00,674 You gave me a heart attack. 975 00:52:01,364 --> 00:52:03,021 Where'd you go? 976 00:52:07,094 --> 00:52:08,647 What is this? 977 00:52:08,751 --> 00:52:11,995 I'm not sure, but maybe they gathered here? 978 00:52:14,550 --> 00:52:17,208 Can you imagine being right here, 979 00:52:17,311 --> 00:52:19,969 right in this very spot back then? 980 00:52:20,072 --> 00:52:21,798 The stories that they told? 981 00:52:21,902 --> 00:52:24,663 So much history I'm sure happened right here. 982 00:52:29,979 --> 00:52:31,360 [Loretta] They've got us cornered. 983 00:52:31,463 --> 00:52:33,155 Okay. We've got to go up. Come on.What? 984 00:52:33,258 --> 00:52:36,365 Have you seen what I'm wearing? I'm in a glitter straitjacket. 985 00:52:36,468 --> 00:52:39,437 There's nowhere to go but up. Come on. Let's go. 986 00:52:39,540 --> 00:52:43,095 [Loretta] Oh! I should not be doing this. I'm too old for this. 987 00:52:43,199 --> 00:52:44,304 No, you're not. You're beautiful. 988 00:52:44,407 --> 00:52:46,064 I didn't say I'm not beautiful. 989 00:52:46,168 --> 00:52:48,066 I said I'm too old to be doing this. 990 00:52:48,170 --> 00:52:51,794 My skill is sitting and thinking and eating when I can't think. 991 00:52:51,897 --> 00:52:54,314 Yeah, you definitely could be wearing better shoes for this. 992 00:52:54,417 --> 00:52:56,316 You brought me these shoes. 993 00:52:56,419 --> 00:52:58,973 I can't go any further. I can't go any further. 994 00:52:59,077 --> 00:53:00,803 I'm not doing so great here. 995 00:53:00,906 --> 00:53:02,322 You got it. Come on. 996 00:53:02,425 --> 00:53:04,289 I know you think that you're safer holding on, 997 00:53:04,393 --> 00:53:05,670 but you have to keep going. 998 00:53:05,773 --> 00:53:07,672 I can't. I can't, I can't.Okay? 999 00:53:08,466 --> 00:53:09,915 Do you smell that?Smell what? 1000 00:53:10,019 --> 00:53:11,779 I smell something.Is it a predator? What is it? 1001 00:53:11,883 --> 00:53:13,816 A downward cascading fire?You got to smell deeper. 1002 00:53:13,919 --> 00:53:15,093 I don't smell anything! 1003 00:53:15,197 --> 00:53:18,407 [both breathing deeply] 1004 00:53:18,510 --> 00:53:21,755 Take a big, deep breath.[breathing deeply] 1005 00:53:21,858 --> 00:53:23,170 All right. 1006 00:53:23,274 --> 00:53:24,896 Good job.Okay. 1007 00:53:24,999 --> 00:53:28,624 That was manipulative. Thank you.Yeah, it was. 1008 00:53:28,727 --> 00:53:31,213 Here we go. I'm gonna help you out a little bit, all right? 1009 00:53:31,316 --> 00:53:33,387 -One, two, three... Here we go! -What are you doing? 1010 00:53:33,491 --> 00:53:34,871 Get out of there.Come on. 1011 00:53:34,975 --> 00:53:37,046 No, no, don't flex.That's my hoo-hoo. 1012 00:53:37,149 --> 00:53:40,083 Just ride the head. Keep the hands moving and ride the head. 1013 00:53:40,187 --> 00:53:41,499 Oh, God.You're doing great. 1014 00:53:41,602 --> 00:53:44,260 Sorry about the scratchy haircut. Come on. 1015 00:54:04,349 --> 00:54:06,593 Dulcius ex asperis. 1016 00:54:07,179 --> 00:54:08,560 What was that? 1017 00:54:08,664 --> 00:54:10,182 Oh, nothing. 1018 00:54:10,286 --> 00:54:12,530 It was just something that John and I would say 1019 00:54:12,633 --> 00:54:15,774 after we finished something big, like a... 1020 00:54:15,878 --> 00:54:17,845 like an archaeological dig or a manuscript. 1021 00:54:17,949 --> 00:54:21,263 It's Latin. It means "sweeter after difficulty." 1022 00:54:22,402 --> 00:54:23,782 What's... 1023 00:54:23,886 --> 00:54:25,819 What's Latin for "Loretta's a badass"? 1024 00:54:25,922 --> 00:54:30,410 [laughs] I am a badass. I climbed a mountain. 1025 00:54:30,513 --> 00:54:33,482 Oh, my God. I wish Beth could've seen us do this. 1026 00:54:33,585 --> 00:54:36,416 Oh, God. Beth.Don't worry about Beth. 1027 00:54:36,519 --> 00:54:40,005 She's probably got the whole navy after us right now. 1028 00:54:40,109 --> 00:54:43,181 [Allison] I get that you think you have to go to the island authorities yourself, 1029 00:54:43,285 --> 00:54:46,702 but don't worry, I'm keeping Loretta's socials super active. 1030 00:54:46,805 --> 00:54:49,187 Just tweeted, "Did I just get kidnapped? 1031 00:54:49,291 --> 00:54:52,811 #FML, @ShawnMendes, #ShawnMendes." 1032 00:54:52,915 --> 00:54:54,572 [ticket agent] And you're traveling alone? 1033 00:54:54,675 --> 00:54:57,506 Yes, I'm traveling alone. Mm-hmm. I'm single. 1034 00:54:58,092 --> 00:54:59,301 Then this might work. 1035 00:54:59,404 --> 00:55:01,233 Okay! Talk to me.You'll hit New York. 1036 00:55:01,337 --> 00:55:04,858 From there, you'll fly to Guinea, where you can pick up a puddle jumper. 1037 00:55:04,961 --> 00:55:06,031 A what? 1038 00:55:06,963 --> 00:55:08,448 Small plane.[Allison] Yeah, no leg room. 1039 00:55:08,551 --> 00:55:09,725 That's fine. I'll take it. 1040 00:55:09,828 --> 00:55:11,865 Or you could just come home.Thank you. 1041 00:55:19,735 --> 00:55:22,220 We need something more flammable. Everything is just so wet. 1042 00:55:22,324 --> 00:55:23,842 What's in here? What's in your bag? 1043 00:55:23,946 --> 00:55:25,810 Uh...Oh, a lot. Okay. 1044 00:55:25,913 --> 00:55:27,363 What are you doing? 1045 00:55:27,467 --> 00:55:29,331 Okay. Face masks. 1046 00:55:29,434 --> 00:55:30,849 Yeah, that was like a gift-basket thing. 1047 00:55:30,953 --> 00:55:32,920 You brought a scented candle into the jungle? 1048 00:55:33,024 --> 00:55:34,301 My mom gave me that. 1049 00:55:34,405 --> 00:55:35,958 It was like a weird gift for Mother's Day. 1050 00:55:36,061 --> 00:55:38,340 Your mom gives you gifts for Mother's Day? 1051 00:55:39,651 --> 00:55:40,445 Noir-- 1052 00:55:40,549 --> 00:55:42,516 Eucalyptus rosemary oil. Ooh. 1053 00:55:43,103 --> 00:55:44,380 Oh, that smells good. 1054 00:55:44,484 --> 00:55:46,658 Um-- Oh, okay. All right. 1055 00:55:46,762 --> 00:55:48,384 Whoo! Yes! 1056 00:55:48,488 --> 00:55:50,938 Yes, I made fire! 1057 00:55:51,042 --> 00:55:54,597 -That's pretty impressive. You have to-- -It is a beautiful fire. 1058 00:55:54,701 --> 00:55:56,634 [Loretta] Who would have thought? 1059 00:55:56,737 --> 00:55:59,222 Oh, you're just, um, taking your shirt off? 1060 00:56:00,327 --> 00:56:02,364 That looks really uncomfortable. 1061 00:56:02,467 --> 00:56:04,366 Are you okay? The back? 1062 00:56:04,469 --> 00:56:08,542 Yeah. That is why I don't do water. 1063 00:56:08,646 --> 00:56:10,924 Okay.My body becomes an eighth-grader's face. 1064 00:56:11,027 --> 00:56:13,892 Do you have anything for it? Like some ointment or something? 1065 00:56:13,996 --> 00:56:15,894 Yeah, I do. Well, I did. 1066 00:56:15,998 --> 00:56:18,069 It was in a little, tiny little bottle. 1067 00:56:18,172 --> 00:56:20,140 It was this. I'm sorry. 1068 00:56:20,243 --> 00:56:22,280 Oh, God, I'm sorry. 1069 00:56:22,384 --> 00:56:23,730 It's okay. 1070 00:56:23,833 --> 00:56:26,146 -Hold on. Yes. Come here. Come here. -What? 1071 00:56:26,249 --> 00:56:28,666 -Come here. Sit down. -Let me see. 1072 00:56:28,769 --> 00:56:30,253 Just sit down.Right here? 1073 00:56:30,357 --> 00:56:31,565 Yeah. 1074 00:56:32,773 --> 00:56:34,396 Okay. 1075 00:56:34,499 --> 00:56:36,363 Oh, no, you don't have to touch it. It's okay. It's fine. 1076 00:56:36,467 --> 00:56:38,469 I touched your engorged sacks, so... 1077 00:56:38,572 --> 00:56:40,574 [snorts][both laugh] 1078 00:56:40,678 --> 00:56:42,404 The leeches.Oh, okay. 1079 00:56:42,507 --> 00:56:45,303 Okay, this might be a little bit cold. 1080 00:56:46,477 --> 00:56:48,202 Sorry.Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm. 1081 00:56:48,306 --> 00:56:49,583 Sorry, sorry, sorry. 1082 00:56:49,687 --> 00:56:51,654 Maybe this is how Dash should die. 1083 00:56:51,758 --> 00:56:54,795 Horrible eczema outbreak. That's so sexy. 1084 00:56:54,899 --> 00:56:56,418 I could make it work. 1085 00:56:56,866 --> 00:56:57,902 Yeah? 1086 00:56:58,558 --> 00:57:00,007 All right, then. 1087 00:57:01,284 --> 00:57:03,010 How would you write this? 1088 00:57:03,114 --> 00:57:04,598 Okay. 1089 00:57:06,497 --> 00:57:09,810 "Warmed by the fragrant fire..." 1090 00:57:09,914 --> 00:57:12,364 Mm-hmm. [chuckles] 1091 00:57:12,468 --> 00:57:14,366 Starting strong.Mm-hmm. 1092 00:57:14,470 --> 00:57:17,577 "Lovemore's hands explored the... 1093 00:57:19,337 --> 00:57:21,822 the contoured scenery 1094 00:57:21,926 --> 00:57:23,514 of Dash's body. 1095 00:57:25,654 --> 00:57:28,346 Familiar terrain made 1096 00:57:28,450 --> 00:57:30,797 new and exciting with every... 1097 00:57:31,729 --> 00:57:34,076 with every scarlet rim." 1098 00:57:35,180 --> 00:57:36,872 And that didn't, uh... 1099 00:57:37,700 --> 00:57:39,219 didn't turn her off? 1100 00:57:39,322 --> 00:57:40,531 No. 1101 00:57:41,359 --> 00:57:43,188 "Because with every cardinal ridge, 1102 00:57:44,189 --> 00:57:46,606 Lovemore discovered another letter in the language 1103 00:57:46,709 --> 00:57:48,815 that only their bodies spoke." 1104 00:57:49,850 --> 00:57:51,887 And what were their bodies saying? 1105 00:57:53,854 --> 00:57:55,407 "Take me... 1106 00:57:57,306 --> 00:57:58,928 take me, 1107 00:57:59,515 --> 00:58:01,206 take me." 1108 00:58:01,310 --> 00:58:02,622 How's that? 1109 00:58:03,450 --> 00:58:04,727 It was good. 1110 00:58:04,831 --> 00:58:06,557 Your back. I mean, how is your back?Good. 1111 00:58:06,660 --> 00:58:08,075 Okay. You sure?Yeah. 1112 00:58:08,179 --> 00:58:12,735 I also meant my back. Right there, yeah.Okay. 1113 00:58:20,985 --> 00:58:22,020 Supplies. 1114 00:58:24,160 --> 00:58:28,440 Okay, I'm chilly. I think I'm gonna probably turn in in a little bit. 1115 00:58:28,544 --> 00:58:29,752 Okay.You good? 1116 00:58:29,856 --> 00:58:32,514 Yeah, I'm fire-- fine. I'm fine. 1117 00:58:32,617 --> 00:58:35,551 I'm not "fire." I'm fine by the fire. 1118 00:58:36,241 --> 00:58:37,967 Okay. All right. 1119 00:58:45,872 --> 00:58:49,185 Uh, it's up to you, but if you're cold, 1120 00:58:49,289 --> 00:58:53,500 maybe we could probably both fit in here, if you wanted to. 1121 00:58:54,156 --> 00:58:55,882 Both of us? 1122 00:58:55,985 --> 00:58:59,023 Only if you want to. I mean, it's just--Yeah, no, that sounds... 1123 00:58:59,126 --> 00:59:00,611 Uh... 1124 00:59:00,714 --> 00:59:02,095 Okay. How do you... 1125 00:59:02,198 --> 00:59:04,166 You can go first, then I'll figure it out. 1126 00:59:04,269 --> 00:59:07,410 No, no, you go. It's definitely a "ladies first" type of situation. 1127 00:59:07,514 --> 00:59:10,172 Keep hands out of the bag at all times.That's what I was gonna do. 1128 00:59:10,275 --> 00:59:11,932 Butt to butt.Hands out and butt to butt. 1129 00:59:12,036 --> 00:59:15,349 Yeah. What do I do?Just get in. Go ahead and sit. 1130 00:59:15,453 --> 00:59:18,145 I sit first? Okay. I'm in. 1131 00:59:19,699 --> 00:59:22,287 You're too heavy. You're gonna flip this thing like a cruise ship. 1132 00:59:22,391 --> 00:59:25,049 [chuckling] You watch yourself. Hold on. I'm not in. 1133 00:59:25,152 --> 00:59:28,328 Why is this engaging my core so much? [laughs] 1134 00:59:29,122 --> 00:59:31,020 [Loretta] How 'bout you shimmy? 1135 00:59:31,124 --> 00:59:33,229 I can't breathe. I'm not breathing.Are you good? 1136 00:59:33,333 --> 00:59:34,645 My face. 1137 00:59:35,231 --> 00:59:36,474 [Loretta] Yeah. Okay. 1138 00:59:36,578 --> 00:59:39,477 [sighs, chuckles] 1139 00:59:39,581 --> 00:59:41,065 [Alan] Hands are out. Butt to butt. 1140 00:59:41,168 --> 00:59:42,204 [Loretta] Okay. 1141 00:59:51,316 --> 00:59:54,043 [vehicle approaches] 1142 01:00:13,407 --> 01:00:14,995 Well! 1143 01:00:15,099 --> 01:00:16,238 Come on. 1144 01:00:16,341 --> 01:00:17,998 Come on! Let's hear it! 1145 01:00:18,102 --> 01:00:21,588 Let's give a nice round of applause to Loretta! 1146 01:00:21,692 --> 01:00:23,314 She earned it. 1147 01:00:23,417 --> 01:00:27,283 A geriatric shut-in left you holding your dicks in the jungle. 1148 01:00:27,387 --> 01:00:28,768 Good job, Loretta. 1149 01:00:28,871 --> 01:00:31,391 Boss, come on. People are dying now. 1150 01:00:31,494 --> 01:00:35,153 Don't you think that maybe this has all gone too far? 1151 01:00:36,396 --> 01:00:38,122 Is it really worth it? 1152 01:00:38,225 --> 01:00:41,608 I am on the cusp of attaining the unattainable. 1153 01:00:41,712 --> 01:00:44,715 Something singular, something no nation, 1154 01:00:44,818 --> 01:00:48,408 no emperor, no brownnosing brothers ever have. 1155 01:00:48,511 --> 01:00:51,618 The legendary Crown of Fire. 1156 01:00:52,067 --> 01:00:53,206 So, yes. 1157 01:00:53,309 --> 01:00:55,622 Yes, I would definitely say it's worth it. 1158 01:00:55,726 --> 01:00:58,004 [motorcycles revving] 1159 01:01:05,356 --> 01:01:06,875 Excuse me! 1160 01:01:06,978 --> 01:01:09,878 Excuse me, sir. I need to get to my next connecting flight. 1161 01:01:09,981 --> 01:01:11,327 No flight. 1162 01:01:11,431 --> 01:01:14,020 The pilot is sick. Come tomorrow. 1163 01:01:14,123 --> 01:01:16,263 No, no, sir. I cannot come tomorrow. I need to do this today. 1164 01:01:16,367 --> 01:01:21,096 I need to get to the island Isla Hundida tonight. Lives are at stake. 1165 01:01:21,199 --> 01:01:22,684 Come tomorrow. 1166 01:01:26,515 --> 01:01:28,206 Excuse me, miss?Yes? 1167 01:01:28,310 --> 01:01:32,383 I couldn't help but overhear you say that you like steak. 1168 01:01:32,486 --> 01:01:35,766 Okay, this is a little bit crazy, 1169 01:01:35,869 --> 01:01:37,664 but I also like steak. 1170 01:01:37,768 --> 01:01:40,115 What?I also like steak. 1171 01:01:40,218 --> 01:01:43,670 Would you like to, maybe, I don't know... 1172 01:01:43,774 --> 01:01:46,604 -Maybe there's a-- -No. "Lives are at stake." 1173 01:01:46,708 --> 01:01:48,468 I need to go to the island tonight. 1174 01:01:48,571 --> 01:01:49,987 Ah.Yes. 1175 01:01:50,090 --> 01:01:51,678 Even more serious.Extremely. 1176 01:01:51,782 --> 01:01:54,785 Well, I believe that I may be able to assist you. 1177 01:01:54,888 --> 01:01:56,821 I have a cargo plane. 1178 01:01:57,995 --> 01:02:01,688 Maybe after I make my delivery, we could swing by your island. 1179 01:02:01,792 --> 01:02:04,587 I'm about to ask you something, and you better tell me the truth. 1180 01:02:04,691 --> 01:02:06,555 Have you ever murdered anyone before? 1181 01:02:06,658 --> 01:02:09,903 [laughs] No! 1182 01:02:13,493 --> 01:02:16,220 I don't know if I really buy it, but let me tell you something. 1183 01:02:16,323 --> 01:02:20,569 If you ever think about murdering me, I promise, I will murder you first. 1184 01:02:20,672 --> 01:02:22,019 My pleasure. 1185 01:02:22,122 --> 01:02:24,262 You are weird. Let's go. 1186 01:03:19,662 --> 01:03:23,080 "King Kalaman and his treasure laid to rest in the well 1187 01:03:23,735 --> 01:03:25,151 of endless tears." 1188 01:03:26,842 --> 01:03:28,016 [Alan] What is that? 1189 01:03:29,189 --> 01:03:32,641 Oh, it's a-- it's a thing. I mean, it's not, uh... 1190 01:03:32,744 --> 01:03:34,988 You know, it's not what you think it is. 1191 01:03:35,092 --> 01:03:38,889 So it's not Fairfax's fragment of an ancient parchment? 1192 01:03:38,992 --> 01:03:42,789 Okay. It's what you think it is. 1193 01:03:42,893 --> 01:03:44,342 Loretta, I thought you were smarter than that. 1194 01:03:44,446 --> 01:03:47,242 Fairfax is never gonna stop hunting us now. 1195 01:03:47,345 --> 01:03:48,346 What were you thinking? 1196 01:03:48,450 --> 01:03:50,417 We have a volcano that could bury the tomb 1197 01:03:50,521 --> 01:03:54,076 before we get to it, before we see it, before we preserve its memory. 1198 01:03:54,180 --> 01:03:56,113 This is--I'm sorry. Is that what we're doing? 1199 01:03:56,216 --> 01:03:58,736 'Cause no one told me. When were you gonna tell me? 1200 01:03:58,840 --> 01:04:00,255 Why would I tell you? 1201 01:04:00,358 --> 01:04:02,188 We're in this together. I came here to rescue you. 1202 01:04:02,291 --> 01:04:03,983 You know you're not Dash, right? 1203 01:04:04,086 --> 01:04:06,330 You don't ride in on a white horse to rescue people. 1204 01:04:06,433 --> 01:04:10,713 You... spray yourself with bronzer and you stand in front of wind machines, 1205 01:04:10,817 --> 01:04:12,336 which is great for you. 1206 01:04:12,439 --> 01:04:15,097 How would you have any idea what I'm actually like? 1207 01:04:15,201 --> 01:04:18,135 I know you. You're a pretty open book, Alan. 1208 01:04:18,238 --> 01:04:20,033 -Okay, then who am I? -Really? 1209 01:04:20,137 --> 01:04:21,172 Yeah. 1210 01:04:23,243 --> 01:04:25,452 O-- Okay, uh... 1211 01:04:25,556 --> 01:04:28,662 You were a homecoming king and you coasted on your good looks to LA, 1212 01:04:28,766 --> 01:04:31,286 but then realized that being the most handsome kid in the middle of nowhere 1213 01:04:31,389 --> 01:04:33,115 doesn't mean you're going to be a star. 1214 01:04:33,219 --> 01:04:35,048 Until one day, when a woman who couldn't publish her book 1215 01:04:35,152 --> 01:04:38,741 on Spanish colonization in the Atlantic decided to write a romance novel, 1216 01:04:38,845 --> 01:04:40,778 uh, chose you at random to be on the cover. 1217 01:04:40,882 --> 01:04:44,299 Lucky for you and her, the novels were a smashing success. 1218 01:04:44,402 --> 01:04:47,405 She kept writing her schlock, you kept posing, 1219 01:04:47,509 --> 01:04:52,963 um, you know, neither one of us becoming who we'd hoped we would be. 1220 01:04:53,066 --> 01:04:57,174 Uh, and then one day, we both die in the jungle 1221 01:04:57,277 --> 01:05:01,178 on one of those Atlantic islands I wrote about all those years ago. 1222 01:05:01,281 --> 01:05:02,317 Right? 1223 01:05:03,663 --> 01:05:04,975 Mm-hmm. 1224 01:05:16,262 --> 01:05:17,988 It was Sarasota, by the way. 1225 01:05:18,505 --> 01:05:20,093 It's not nowhere. 1226 01:05:20,197 --> 01:05:22,440 I grew up there with my mom and two sisters. 1227 01:05:22,544 --> 01:05:23,579 And yeah... 1228 01:05:24,580 --> 01:05:27,273 I started modeling 'cause I wanted to get away. 1229 01:05:27,376 --> 01:05:29,309 It was the only job that I could think of 1230 01:05:29,413 --> 01:05:32,657 that could take me to all of the places that I always dreamed of going. 1231 01:05:32,761 --> 01:05:34,073 Then finally to Los Angeles, 1232 01:05:34,176 --> 01:05:36,938 where I posed on the cover of your romance novel. 1233 01:05:37,041 --> 01:05:39,941 And I was so embarrassed that one of my friends might've seen me 1234 01:05:40,044 --> 01:05:42,184 in that wig on the cover of your book 1235 01:05:42,288 --> 01:05:44,946 that I avoided talking to them for months. 1236 01:05:45,912 --> 01:05:47,396 And then one day, 1237 01:05:48,121 --> 01:05:49,985 I'm walking home, 1238 01:05:50,089 --> 01:05:52,884 and I hear this lady yell, "Dash!" 1239 01:05:52,988 --> 01:05:55,508 [laughing] She runs up, and she is so happy. 1240 01:05:55,611 --> 01:05:59,374 Then I thought, "How could I be this embarrassed 1241 01:05:59,477 --> 01:06:02,170 about something that makes people this happy?" 1242 01:06:05,518 --> 01:06:07,209 Loretta, you can do whatever you want. 1243 01:06:07,313 --> 01:06:09,418 If you don't want to write anymore, don't write. 1244 01:06:09,522 --> 01:06:14,009 But don't minimize the people that love your work by calling it schlock. 1245 01:06:14,113 --> 01:06:16,667 That's not fair to them. 1246 01:06:17,875 --> 01:06:20,774 You know what's ironic? I thought you of all people would know 1247 01:06:20,878 --> 01:06:23,329 not to judge a book by its cover. 1248 01:06:27,402 --> 01:06:29,991 Judge a book by its cover model. 1249 01:06:50,908 --> 01:06:53,083 [faint rumble] 1250 01:07:01,470 --> 01:07:02,644 [whispers] Alan? 1251 01:07:02,747 --> 01:07:04,025 Alan.[vehicle approaches] 1252 01:07:10,652 --> 01:07:11,963 [motorbike revs] 1253 01:07:12,861 --> 01:07:15,036 [Loretta panting] 1254 01:07:16,002 --> 01:07:17,348 There's two of them. 1255 01:07:23,458 --> 01:07:26,150 Loretta! I'm over here!Alan! 1256 01:07:27,220 --> 01:07:30,292 Alan! Motorcycles and guns, motorcycles and guns! 1257 01:07:30,396 --> 01:07:32,536 [gunfire]Come on, this way! 1258 01:07:32,639 --> 01:07:34,262 [Alan] Stop shooting! 1259 01:07:39,508 --> 01:07:41,476 Just give 'em the parchment!I can't. 1260 01:07:41,579 --> 01:07:44,237 Yes, you can, actually. You just say, "Here," and throw it at 'em. 1261 01:07:44,341 --> 01:07:46,653 Right. And then I'm sure they'll happily let us go. 1262 01:07:46,757 --> 01:07:48,759 Okay, keep down.How do they keep finding us? 1263 01:07:48,862 --> 01:07:51,348 You're basically a walking disco ball.We need to come up with a plan. 1264 01:07:51,451 --> 01:07:52,521 I have an idea. 1265 01:07:52,625 --> 01:07:54,075 We're gonna dig a hole, throw our voices. 1266 01:07:54,178 --> 01:07:56,111 "We're over here." Can you sound like a bird? 1267 01:07:56,215 --> 01:07:58,527 No, I have a plan.Alan, please, I'm thinking. 1268 01:07:58,631 --> 01:08:02,324 I know, but I have a plan.Please, just let me think about... 1269 01:08:02,428 --> 01:08:06,052 Wait a minute. They're shooting at you.Yeah, that's why we're hiding. 1270 01:08:06,156 --> 01:08:08,468 No. No, no, no. They're shooting only at you. 1271 01:08:08,572 --> 01:08:11,092 They won't shoot me. It's my brain that's valuable. 1272 01:08:11,195 --> 01:08:15,061 What? I don't think you actually hear the things you say sometimes. 1273 01:08:15,165 --> 01:08:17,857 Maybe I can shield you.You are not shielding me. 1274 01:08:17,960 --> 01:08:20,204 I should be shielding you.Why? Because I'm a woman? 1275 01:08:20,308 --> 01:08:23,380 That's supremely sexist.Well, look, I don't think using women as human shields 1276 01:08:23,483 --> 01:08:26,210 is exactly the change that Gloria Seinfeld had in mind, do you? 1277 01:08:26,314 --> 01:08:29,144 Gloria Steinem?Whatever. Her too. You know what? Fine. 1278 01:08:29,248 --> 01:08:32,320 Please mansplain sexism to me right now.Oh, my God. I am a woman. 1279 01:08:32,423 --> 01:08:34,529 I can't mansplain anything. 1280 01:08:34,632 --> 01:08:39,361 Uh, I'm a feminist, and I think a woman can do anything a man can do. 1281 01:08:39,465 --> 01:08:41,915 We just need to stay here until they get tired.I have an idea. 1282 01:08:42,019 --> 01:08:43,710 Please can I tell you my plan?Alan! 1283 01:08:43,814 --> 01:08:47,128 This is not a situation you can get out of by ripping your shirt off. 1284 01:08:47,231 --> 01:08:49,164 Not my shirt. 1285 01:09:20,609 --> 01:09:21,921 [Loretta] Three! 1286 01:09:22,024 --> 01:09:23,612 -Yes! -Oh! 1287 01:09:27,720 --> 01:09:29,584 [crashing]Oh. 1288 01:09:29,687 --> 01:09:32,932 That was different than I had in my head. 1289 01:09:33,035 --> 01:09:37,108 I just wanted us to stop them.Could it have been the wind that made it do that? 1290 01:09:37,212 --> 01:09:39,318 No, I think it was us. I think... we did it. 1291 01:09:39,421 --> 01:09:41,837 We did the one guy, right? But that was, like-- 1292 01:09:41,941 --> 01:09:45,289 We just wanted him to stop. But I think the other guy could've moved, really. 1293 01:09:45,393 --> 01:09:47,533 So, that was-- that one was on him. 1294 01:09:47,636 --> 01:09:50,501 Even if we weren't here, that could've happened. 1295 01:09:50,605 --> 01:09:52,331 Why are you gonna stop next to a cliff? 1296 01:09:52,434 --> 01:09:54,885 They were wearing helmets, so maybe they're... 1297 01:09:54,988 --> 01:09:57,163 But the rest of their body didn't have a helmet. 1298 01:09:57,267 --> 01:09:58,475 So there'd just be a head. 1299 01:09:58,578 --> 01:10:00,856 They were driving recklessly, right? 1300 01:10:00,960 --> 01:10:02,686 Don't be mean on a bike. 1301 01:10:03,376 --> 01:10:05,136 Don't do mean stuff on a bike. 1302 01:10:08,933 --> 01:10:11,177 I mean, perhaps they're fine. 1303 01:10:11,281 --> 01:10:13,697 Yeah, probably not. But that's okay. 1304 01:10:13,800 --> 01:10:18,080 That's all right. You know, things happen. Let's go. 1305 01:10:20,290 --> 01:10:23,465 -You gonna put it back together? -It's on loan. 1306 01:10:25,916 --> 01:10:27,711 [squawking, bleating] 1307 01:10:36,271 --> 01:10:38,584 Look at me.Okay. 1308 01:10:39,481 --> 01:10:41,518 What more can I do, you know? 1309 01:10:41,621 --> 01:10:43,554 You've done so much already, Beth. 1310 01:10:43,658 --> 01:10:46,695 My poor, sweet, little Nana has lost her sight. 1311 01:10:46,799 --> 01:10:49,526 The book release is a complete disaster, 1312 01:10:49,629 --> 01:10:51,286 which I've leveraged everything on, 1313 01:10:51,390 --> 01:10:53,737 so I'm probably, most definitely broke right now. 1314 01:10:53,840 --> 01:10:57,085 And most importantly, I've lost a writer. 1315 01:10:57,188 --> 01:10:58,742 Who does that? Who loses a writer? 1316 01:10:58,845 --> 01:11:03,367 Okay, Beth, you remind me of my best friend, Randy. 1317 01:11:03,471 --> 01:11:05,956 Always looking out for other people, 1318 01:11:06,059 --> 01:11:08,407 never taking care of herself. 1319 01:11:09,408 --> 01:11:10,823 Isn't that right, Randy? 1320 01:11:10,926 --> 01:11:13,239 [goat bleats][chuckles] 1321 01:11:13,343 --> 01:11:15,206 She's like my therapist, this one over here. 1322 01:11:15,310 --> 01:11:17,416 LOL. "Laughing Out Loud." 1323 01:11:17,519 --> 01:11:19,487 After you take care of your friend, 1324 01:11:20,384 --> 01:11:21,730 how about we go to a beach? 1325 01:11:21,834 --> 01:11:24,319 What?Look, I have a pickup in Hawaii. 1326 01:11:24,423 --> 01:11:26,390 She doesn't have to come. 1327 01:11:26,494 --> 01:11:29,290 -[bleats] -Okay! Okay, you can come! 1328 01:11:29,393 --> 01:11:31,395 [laughs] She's hilarious. 1329 01:11:32,189 --> 01:11:34,018 Let me ask you something. 1330 01:11:34,122 --> 01:11:36,227 We're all sitting here chitchatting, but who's flying the plane? 1331 01:11:36,331 --> 01:11:38,264 Autopilot.What? 1332 01:11:38,368 --> 01:11:41,094 Sir, go to the cockpit, fly the plane. 1333 01:11:41,543 --> 01:11:42,544 Okay. 1334 01:11:43,304 --> 01:11:45,064 I'm going to go land the plane. 1335 01:11:45,167 --> 01:11:46,617 Okay. 1336 01:11:46,721 --> 01:11:48,619 No, no, no. Take the goat. Please, take the goat. 1337 01:11:48,723 --> 01:11:51,381 She's on break. Enjoy the flight! 1338 01:11:52,761 --> 01:11:54,211 [bleats] 1339 01:12:15,370 --> 01:12:18,200 [music playing on speakers] 1340 01:12:26,795 --> 01:12:28,141 Hi.Hola. 1341 01:12:32,594 --> 01:12:35,286 This English dude came in and basically kidnapped her. 1342 01:12:35,390 --> 01:12:37,323 [line ringing] 1343 01:12:37,427 --> 01:12:40,740 Hey, it's Beth. Please leave a message, and I'll get right back to you. 1344 01:12:40,844 --> 01:12:43,709 [beeps]Uh, hi, Beth. 1345 01:12:43,812 --> 01:12:44,813 It's me. 1346 01:12:44,917 --> 01:12:46,746 Uh, I'm alive! 1347 01:12:47,471 --> 01:12:49,508 Uh, listen, um... 1348 01:12:50,819 --> 01:12:51,855 Uh... 1349 01:12:53,304 --> 01:12:57,412 I'm sorry that I blew up the book tour. 1350 01:12:57,516 --> 01:12:59,241 Um... 1351 01:12:59,345 --> 01:13:01,727 I was just afraid 1352 01:13:02,866 --> 01:13:04,523 and selfish. Uh-- 1353 01:13:04,626 --> 01:13:07,353 Oh, here comes Alan. I'll call you back. 1354 01:13:07,457 --> 01:13:08,941 [puts down receiver] 1355 01:13:10,529 --> 01:13:13,532 So, uh, police are searching for Fairfax, 1356 01:13:13,635 --> 01:13:16,086 and they're gonna provide us protection while we're here. 1357 01:13:16,189 --> 01:13:18,019 Did they say how long we'd be here? 1358 01:13:18,122 --> 01:13:20,780 They're gonna try to get us on a puddle jumper later this evening. 1359 01:13:20,884 --> 01:13:23,093 But, uh, they said in the meantime, the inn is really nice, 1360 01:13:23,196 --> 01:13:25,785 and we can get cleaned up and maybe a change of clothes. 1361 01:13:25,889 --> 01:13:27,304 Okay. 1362 01:13:30,756 --> 01:13:32,309 Okay. Yeah. 1363 01:13:55,021 --> 01:13:57,299 [chattering] 1364 01:14:23,843 --> 01:14:24,982 [laughing] 1365 01:14:25,086 --> 01:14:26,536 Thank you. 1366 01:14:27,122 --> 01:14:30,367 Come on. [speaks Spanish] 1367 01:14:30,471 --> 01:14:31,713 Dance with your husband. 1368 01:14:31,817 --> 01:14:33,612 [Alan] No, no, no.He's not my husband. 1369 01:14:33,715 --> 01:14:35,441 It's okay.[woman] Dance with him. 1370 01:14:35,545 --> 01:14:38,030 No, no. She doesn't want to. She doesn't have the right shoes. 1371 01:14:38,133 --> 01:14:40,653 Actually, it's the only thing these shoes are right for. 1372 01:14:40,757 --> 01:14:43,000 You don't have to do this. 1373 01:14:43,104 --> 01:14:44,864 It's okay. It's okay. 1374 01:14:45,762 --> 01:14:46,728 Yeah? 1375 01:14:48,281 --> 01:14:50,663 [bossa nova music plays] 1376 01:15:54,209 --> 01:15:56,487 [music slows] 1377 01:15:57,972 --> 01:16:01,423 [singing in Spanish] 1378 01:16:05,358 --> 01:16:07,050 I wonder what she's saying. 1379 01:16:07,153 --> 01:16:09,328 [singing continues] 1380 01:16:09,431 --> 01:16:10,916 It's folklore. 1381 01:16:12,331 --> 01:16:14,367 Love song about a woman 1382 01:16:14,471 --> 01:16:17,785 whose lover died, and she didn't want to leave his side. 1383 01:16:18,820 --> 01:16:21,651 So she laid down and refused to get up. 1384 01:16:22,237 --> 01:16:23,998 Must be scary. 1385 01:16:24,101 --> 01:16:28,002 Having to face your future without the person that you planned it with. 1386 01:16:30,176 --> 01:16:32,627 [singing in Spanish] 1387 01:16:40,359 --> 01:16:41,912 What was that? 1388 01:16:44,052 --> 01:16:47,711 Excuse me. Excuse me. The, um-- the last line that you sang. 1389 01:16:47,815 --> 01:16:50,162 ¿Quién llorará junto a mí? 1390 01:16:50,265 --> 01:16:52,992 [speaks Spanish] 1391 01:16:53,096 --> 01:16:55,926 [Loretta] "The island will weep for me in the well of endless tears." 1392 01:16:56,030 --> 01:16:59,412 What is that, the well of endless tears? Is that a real place, or... 1393 01:16:59,516 --> 01:17:01,138 Sinkhole place. 1394 01:17:01,242 --> 01:17:02,830 [speaks Spanish] 1395 01:17:02,933 --> 01:17:04,659 Thank you. Gracias, gracias. 1396 01:17:04,763 --> 01:17:06,834 Come here, come here.What is it? 1397 01:17:08,456 --> 01:17:10,285 Hey, on the parchment, it said, 1398 01:17:10,389 --> 01:17:14,462 "King Kalaman and his treasure laid to rest in the well of endless tears." 1399 01:17:14,565 --> 01:17:16,671 I thought maybe it was a metaphor. 1400 01:17:17,189 --> 01:17:18,742 It's not. 1401 01:17:18,846 --> 01:17:21,711 The Well of Endless Tears is a place. 1402 01:17:21,814 --> 01:17:23,816 It's a sinkhole. 1403 01:17:23,920 --> 01:17:26,094 There's a sinkhole on the map. 1404 01:17:27,440 --> 01:17:29,201 I think the tomb is there. 1405 01:17:29,304 --> 01:17:31,686 This is so much better than your books.What? 1406 01:17:31,790 --> 01:17:33,274 There's like-- No, I don't mean any offense. 1407 01:17:33,377 --> 01:17:35,276 I'm kidding. I'm kidding.It's, like, equal. 1408 01:17:35,379 --> 01:17:37,588 I'm kidding. I'm kidding.Look at you. You want to go there. 1409 01:17:37,692 --> 01:17:39,556 What? No.I can see. Yes, you do. 1410 01:17:39,660 --> 01:17:42,766 That would be insane. That would be insane. I just-- I just-- 1411 01:17:42,870 --> 01:17:47,253 It's just that we're so close to it, but, you know, we can't-- 1412 01:17:47,357 --> 01:17:48,669 No. 1413 01:17:48,772 --> 01:17:51,464 This is your story. How do you want to write it? 1414 01:17:52,258 --> 01:17:54,571 I'd like to know that it's there, 1415 01:17:54,675 --> 01:17:56,331 that all this meant something. 1416 01:17:56,435 --> 01:17:58,299 Okay. Then let's go. 1417 01:17:58,402 --> 01:18:00,266 We'll stay one more day. As soon as the sun's up, 1418 01:18:00,370 --> 01:18:02,130 we're gonna go find the Well of Endless Tears. 1419 01:18:02,234 --> 01:18:05,099 But what if it's nothing?So what? Then we say we tried. 1420 01:18:05,202 --> 01:18:06,445 And Fairfax? 1421 01:18:06,548 --> 01:18:08,965 The cops are after Fairfax. Don't worry about him. 1422 01:18:10,069 --> 01:18:10,863 This is crazy. 1423 01:18:10,967 --> 01:18:12,658 Yeah, but look at you.What? 1424 01:18:12,762 --> 01:18:15,730 It's the very first time I've ever seen you totally unafraid. 1425 01:18:16,351 --> 01:18:18,077 And alive. 1426 01:18:18,181 --> 01:18:20,701 I'm gonna go tell them our plans have changed and find us a ride. 1427 01:18:20,804 --> 01:18:22,254 Where are you going? 1428 01:18:25,913 --> 01:18:27,984 I see you met my friend here. 1429 01:18:28,087 --> 01:18:32,471 He told me you were just about to jump on a plane, 1430 01:18:32,574 --> 01:18:35,025 without so much as saying goodbye. 1431 01:18:35,129 --> 01:18:38,546 I said, "No way. Not my Loretta. 1432 01:18:38,649 --> 01:18:43,102 Not when she's the only one who can lead me to the tomb." 1433 01:18:44,725 --> 01:18:46,416 [engine starts] 1434 01:18:46,519 --> 01:18:48,590 [Loretta] Stop squeezing so hard. 1435 01:18:49,419 --> 01:18:52,215 Ow. Get your hands off of me! 1436 01:18:53,078 --> 01:18:54,942 Ow! Let go! 1437 01:18:55,425 --> 01:18:56,633 I-I need a car. 1438 01:18:56,737 --> 01:18:58,669 A car, an auto. Does anybody have an auto? 1439 01:19:07,161 --> 01:19:08,231 No, no. No. 1440 01:19:08,956 --> 01:19:10,267 I-I-I need an auto. 1441 01:19:10,371 --> 01:19:11,717 I'll trade you my watch. 1442 01:19:11,821 --> 01:19:13,236 It's a really expensive watch. Do you have a car? 1443 01:19:13,339 --> 01:19:14,858 It's a Bulgari. This thing glows in the dark. 1444 01:19:14,962 --> 01:19:16,757 It's waterproof.I have motorcycle. 1445 01:19:30,356 --> 01:19:32,117 Cool, isn't it? 1446 01:19:32,220 --> 01:19:35,327 I always thought, why can't your personal tank also have a minibar? 1447 01:19:35,430 --> 01:19:36,915 Have a drink. 1448 01:19:37,018 --> 01:19:38,571 [exhales heavily]Do you mind? 1449 01:19:38,675 --> 01:19:40,090 [Fairfax] Uh, yes. 1450 01:19:40,194 --> 01:19:42,334 He has a bit of a grudge against you, I'm afraid. 1451 01:19:42,437 --> 01:19:45,233 Something about a motorbike accident his friends had? 1452 01:19:45,337 --> 01:19:46,510 Why are you doing this? 1453 01:19:46,614 --> 01:19:48,374 I want something nobody else has. 1454 01:19:49,272 --> 01:19:51,101 When my father gifted--[horn honks] 1455 01:19:52,654 --> 01:19:54,070 [horn honks] 1456 01:19:54,173 --> 01:19:55,692 As I was saying, 1457 01:19:55,796 --> 01:19:58,729 when my father gifted his empire 1458 01:19:58,833 --> 01:20:01,284 -to my baby brother-- -[horn honking] 1459 01:20:02,250 --> 01:20:04,045 [vehicle accelerating] 1460 01:20:08,325 --> 01:20:09,844 Who is that? 1461 01:20:18,577 --> 01:20:20,786 Is that a Ken doll on a moped? 1462 01:20:21,580 --> 01:20:23,099 I know him from somewhere. 1463 01:20:23,202 --> 01:20:24,859 [Loretta] Oh, I-I-I doubt that. 1464 01:20:24,963 --> 01:20:27,172 Because what you are looking at 1465 01:20:27,275 --> 01:20:30,175 is a highly trained combat specialist, 1466 01:20:30,278 --> 01:20:33,868 forged in the furnaces of Afghanistan, Iraq, 1467 01:20:33,972 --> 01:20:36,560 Kuwait, Sa-- Sarasota... 1468 01:20:36,664 --> 01:20:38,735 Incredible skin. No eczema problems. 1469 01:20:38,839 --> 01:20:42,532 And he will not stop until I am safe! 1470 01:20:42,635 --> 01:20:44,845 So you pull this space tank over, 1471 01:20:44,948 --> 01:20:48,089 unless you would like to perish like his friends did. 1472 01:20:48,193 --> 01:20:51,610 And he is responsible for their perishment. 1473 01:20:51,713 --> 01:20:54,406 He might not have meant to, 1474 01:20:54,509 --> 01:20:57,788 but they... perished, so... 1475 01:21:12,734 --> 01:21:13,977 Okay, who-who is this? 1476 01:21:14,081 --> 01:21:15,979 I have seen him somewhere before. 1477 01:21:16,807 --> 01:21:18,361 [thuds][Fairfax laughs] 1478 01:21:18,464 --> 01:21:19,707 No, no, no. 1479 01:21:19,810 --> 01:21:21,536 That's your cover model, isn't it? 1480 01:21:21,640 --> 01:21:23,918 Yes. I knew I knew him from somewhere. 1481 01:21:24,815 --> 01:21:25,886 Get up there. 1482 01:21:25,989 --> 01:21:27,370 And kill him creatively. 1483 01:21:27,473 --> 01:21:29,579 I love watching hunks fail.[latch opens] 1484 01:21:29,682 --> 01:21:30,994 [wind whistling] 1485 01:21:31,926 --> 01:21:34,170 I guess I-I will have that drink. 1486 01:21:35,861 --> 01:21:37,138 Oh, shit. 1487 01:21:37,242 --> 01:21:39,796 Is it okay if I just top 'er off? 1488 01:21:39,900 --> 01:21:41,073 [Fairfax] Yeah, that's fine, but-- 1489 01:21:41,177 --> 01:21:43,144 Oh, my God, have you used a glass before? 1490 01:21:43,248 --> 01:21:44,594 Sorry. [chuckles] 1491 01:21:44,697 --> 01:21:46,182 [Alan] What would Jack Trainer do? 1492 01:21:48,391 --> 01:21:49,461 It's hot in here. 1493 01:21:49,564 --> 01:21:52,567 Anyone else feeling how hot it is? 1494 01:21:52,671 --> 01:21:53,741 Are you trying to be sexy? 1495 01:21:53,844 --> 01:21:55,639 This is very weird. Please, stop. 1496 01:21:55,743 --> 01:21:57,641 I could set your world on fire. 1497 01:22:01,749 --> 01:22:03,716 [men shouting] 1498 01:22:08,238 --> 01:22:10,551 Go to sleep! Go to sleep![grunting] 1499 01:22:10,654 --> 01:22:12,380 Go to sleep! Sleep! 1500 01:22:14,796 --> 01:22:16,626 [tires squealing]Whoa, whoa, whoa. 1501 01:22:16,729 --> 01:22:18,007 [Alan] Time-out. 1502 01:22:18,110 --> 01:22:19,042 Time-in! 1503 01:22:19,525 --> 01:22:20,837 [grunts] 1504 01:22:24,875 --> 01:22:27,706 No! Don't shoot her! I need her! 1505 01:22:29,363 --> 01:22:31,227 [tires squealing][Alan] Oh, Jesus! 1506 01:22:31,330 --> 01:22:32,745 Ow, ow, ow. 1507 01:22:36,680 --> 01:22:39,097 Move your foot! Move your foot! 1508 01:22:42,169 --> 01:22:44,378 -[grunts] -Go to sleep, asshole. 1509 01:22:44,481 --> 01:22:46,138 Get out there! Look! 1510 01:22:50,729 --> 01:22:52,041 A bigger guy? [grunts] 1511 01:22:52,144 --> 01:22:53,352 Oh, no. 1512 01:22:54,698 --> 01:22:55,941 What? 1513 01:22:58,426 --> 01:22:59,358 Move it! 1514 01:22:59,462 --> 01:23:00,981 [tires screech] 1515 01:23:01,084 --> 01:23:03,397 [Alan] No, no, no. No, no, no. 1516 01:23:04,294 --> 01:23:06,193 Hey! Get in. 1517 01:23:06,710 --> 01:23:07,815 Him or me? 1518 01:23:11,922 --> 01:23:16,720 This is not one of your cheap, vapid lady-fantasy books, Loretta. 1519 01:23:16,824 --> 01:23:18,791 This is real life. 1520 01:23:19,723 --> 01:23:21,587 And we will kill him. 1521 01:23:21,691 --> 01:23:23,417 Tell us where the tomb is. 1522 01:23:30,320 --> 01:23:31,321 [grunts] 1523 01:23:33,599 --> 01:23:34,876 [groans] 1524 01:23:38,087 --> 01:23:39,398 Hi. So, whoever's in charge, 1525 01:23:39,502 --> 01:23:42,125 I need you to send officials to go here. 1526 01:23:42,229 --> 01:23:43,333 Here. 1527 01:23:44,472 --> 01:23:46,302 We are closed. 1528 01:23:46,405 --> 01:23:47,751 You're closed? 1529 01:23:49,684 --> 01:23:52,791 You know I've been trying to take a nap for a year and a half? 1530 01:23:52,894 --> 01:23:54,448 A year and a half. 1531 01:23:55,380 --> 01:23:58,486 I have been burning the candle at both ends, 1532 01:23:58,590 --> 01:23:59,936 the midnight oil, 1533 01:24:00,040 --> 01:24:03,008 since way before my friend got kidnapped. 1534 01:24:03,112 --> 01:24:04,975 And all I want to do 1535 01:24:05,528 --> 01:24:07,668 is kick my feet back 1536 01:24:07,771 --> 01:24:09,014 and drink some wine 1537 01:24:09,118 --> 01:24:11,499 that I'm probably too tired to drink. 1538 01:24:11,603 --> 01:24:13,536 And I want a massage. 1539 01:24:13,639 --> 01:24:18,299 I want someone to massage my shoulders and my feet, 1540 01:24:18,403 --> 01:24:20,439 and I want it at the same time. 1541 01:24:20,543 --> 01:24:24,236 And I don't care if logistically that doesn't make sense. 1542 01:24:24,340 --> 01:24:26,997 Because I have worked hard. 1543 01:24:27,860 --> 01:24:30,311 The same way that I know that you have. 1544 01:24:31,209 --> 01:24:33,418 So I hate to ask you 1545 01:24:33,521 --> 01:24:35,903 to leave this place open a few more minutes, 1546 01:24:36,006 --> 01:24:37,939 because if we don't, 1547 01:24:38,043 --> 01:24:41,598 a very close friend of mine and her cover model 1548 01:24:41,702 --> 01:24:43,462 are going to die. 1549 01:25:06,313 --> 01:25:07,866 [boat driver] No good way in, boss! 1550 01:25:07,969 --> 01:25:10,110 What about the caves? 1551 01:25:10,869 --> 01:25:12,215 That's too dangerous! 1552 01:25:12,319 --> 01:25:15,322 Well, we'll be very careful then. 1553 01:25:28,887 --> 01:25:30,199 Well, come on! 1554 01:25:34,893 --> 01:25:36,722 This way.[Alan] I have a rule about 1555 01:25:36,826 --> 01:25:38,345 not going into super creepy caves. 1556 01:25:38,448 --> 01:25:39,587 [grunts] 1557 01:25:49,701 --> 01:25:52,635 Julian?[Loretta] His name is Julian? 1558 01:25:52,738 --> 01:25:55,603 [Alan] He seems more like a Buck or a Bruce. 1559 01:25:55,707 --> 01:25:57,191 Lead the way. 1560 01:26:00,884 --> 01:26:03,266 Go on. Don't be scared. 1561 01:26:04,681 --> 01:26:07,615 [rumbling] 1562 01:26:07,719 --> 01:26:10,549 [explosion] 1563 01:26:29,775 --> 01:26:30,983 [Loretta gasps] 1564 01:26:31,087 --> 01:26:32,916 [laughs] 1565 01:26:33,020 --> 01:26:34,815 [Julian] Watch your step there. 1566 01:26:34,918 --> 01:26:36,092 [grunts, shouts][Alan] Bruce! 1567 01:26:36,196 --> 01:26:37,197 [Loretta] Julian. Oh, no!Julian! 1568 01:26:37,300 --> 01:26:38,922 [gasps]Whoa. 1569 01:26:39,026 --> 01:26:40,545 [shout fades][Loretta] Whoa. 1570 01:26:41,201 --> 01:26:42,685 [Fairfax] Well... 1571 01:26:43,513 --> 01:26:45,239 Let's not have his death be in vain. 1572 01:26:45,343 --> 01:26:48,104 -Onward and upward. -What do you mean onward? 1573 01:26:48,208 --> 01:26:50,658 We're not gonna go and get him now, are we? 1574 01:26:50,762 --> 01:26:52,177 [sighs] Oh, man. 1575 01:27:04,569 --> 01:27:06,226 [Loretta] It's nothing.[Alan] Okay. 1576 01:27:06,329 --> 01:27:09,021 Yeah. Look, let's just go back to the boat. 1577 01:27:09,125 --> 01:27:10,989 This is over. Nobody else has to die. 1578 01:27:11,092 --> 01:27:13,267 No, no, no. Ha-ha! It's a breeze. 1579 01:27:13,371 --> 01:27:15,821 There's a tunnel. This could lead to the tomb. 1580 01:27:15,925 --> 01:27:17,789 That's not person-sized.Ah, speak for yourself. 1581 01:27:17,892 --> 01:27:20,170 Come on. It's practically a kiddie slide. 1582 01:27:20,274 --> 01:27:22,587 More like a rock sphincter.Or a troll anus. 1583 01:27:22,690 --> 01:27:25,072 All right, well, you are going through the anus-- 1584 01:27:25,175 --> 01:27:26,487 the hole-- the tunnel! 1585 01:27:26,591 --> 01:27:28,593 Why her?You are our canary in the coal mine. 1586 01:27:28,696 --> 01:27:30,111 No, that's impossible. I can't. 1587 01:27:30,215 --> 01:27:31,665 Please let us know if you get through. 1588 01:27:31,768 --> 01:27:34,081 If we don't hear from you, Fabio's got to die. 1589 01:27:34,184 --> 01:27:36,359 [Alan] Wait, I'm the damsel in distress? 1590 01:27:37,049 --> 01:27:38,292 It's okay. I'm fine. 1591 01:27:38,948 --> 01:27:40,363 [wind whistling] 1592 01:27:43,642 --> 01:27:44,678 [grunts] 1593 01:27:57,484 --> 01:27:59,727 [panting] 1594 01:28:00,763 --> 01:28:03,110 [hyperventilating] 1595 01:28:06,493 --> 01:28:07,701 [grunts] 1596 01:28:07,804 --> 01:28:10,738 [panting] 1597 01:28:13,016 --> 01:28:14,224 [whimpers] 1598 01:28:14,328 --> 01:28:16,779 I can't. I'm so sorry. I can't. 1599 01:28:16,882 --> 01:28:18,608 -Hey. -What? 1600 01:28:19,333 --> 01:28:21,301 Hey, you smell that? 1601 01:28:21,404 --> 01:28:24,338 You mean centuries worth of bat feces? Yes, I definitely smell that. 1602 01:28:24,442 --> 01:28:26,651 You gotta take a big breath for me. 1603 01:28:27,445 --> 01:28:29,688 [inhales deeply, exhales] 1604 01:28:31,759 --> 01:28:33,140 There you go. 1605 01:28:33,243 --> 01:28:35,107 You can do it, Loretta. 1606 01:28:36,626 --> 01:28:37,662 [grunts] 1607 01:28:48,051 --> 01:28:50,813 I think I see a way out. 1608 01:28:50,916 --> 01:28:52,780 [grunting, groans] 1609 01:28:54,368 --> 01:28:56,577 Oh, cheese and rice! 1610 01:28:57,164 --> 01:28:58,821 [grunting] 1611 01:29:01,271 --> 01:29:02,618 I made it! 1612 01:29:02,721 --> 01:29:04,205 I made it! 1613 01:29:04,309 --> 01:29:06,794 -[sighs] -See? Totally safe. 1614 01:29:07,795 --> 01:29:08,865 Go on. Your turn. 1615 01:29:10,557 --> 01:29:13,456 [Alan] I'm coming through! Be right there, okay? 1616 01:30:04,024 --> 01:30:05,370 [grunts] 1617 01:30:17,624 --> 01:30:19,764 Why would they build this here? 1618 01:30:20,868 --> 01:30:22,594 But how is anyone supposed to worship 1619 01:30:22,698 --> 01:30:24,389 or remember you if they can't even see it? 1620 01:30:24,493 --> 01:30:26,356 [Loretta] They aren't. 1621 01:30:26,460 --> 01:30:29,429 This isn't a monument to Kalaman's power. 1622 01:30:30,533 --> 01:30:33,122 It's a hiding place for a grieving woman. 1623 01:30:33,225 --> 01:30:36,677 Taha came here to be with her fallen lover. 1624 01:30:38,334 --> 01:30:39,784 She just wanted to be alone. 1625 01:30:39,887 --> 01:30:41,337 [rumbling] 1626 01:30:41,441 --> 01:30:42,959 Taha doesn't want us here. 1627 01:30:43,063 --> 01:30:44,409 God, shut up, Rafi. 1628 01:30:44,513 --> 01:30:46,376 It's just the volcano. 1629 01:30:48,033 --> 01:30:49,345 Come on. 1630 01:30:54,488 --> 01:30:56,145 [Alan] We have to keep going. 1631 01:31:04,325 --> 01:31:05,982 [Fairfax] All right. Let's go, Muscles. 1632 01:31:06,776 --> 01:31:08,606 Open it up.[rumbling] 1633 01:31:08,709 --> 01:31:11,160 -Don't disturb them. -She will be wearing the headdress. 1634 01:31:11,263 --> 01:31:13,852 Come on. We didn't come all this way just to pay our respects. 1635 01:31:13,956 --> 01:31:15,613 I can't, um... 1636 01:31:18,374 --> 01:31:20,583 Uh...I'm sorry, abuela. 1637 01:31:22,447 --> 01:31:24,380 [both grunting] 1638 01:31:27,797 --> 01:31:28,936 [Alan grunts] 1639 01:31:41,811 --> 01:31:43,123 What is that? 1640 01:31:43,226 --> 01:31:45,159 [breathes heavily] 1641 01:31:45,263 --> 01:31:47,679 Are those... seashells? 1642 01:31:48,438 --> 01:31:51,303 The crown is made of seashells? 1643 01:31:51,407 --> 01:31:52,960 Where's the treasure? 1644 01:31:53,961 --> 01:31:55,411 She's holding him. 1645 01:31:58,207 --> 01:31:59,967 You mean the dead guy? 1646 01:32:06,491 --> 01:32:07,699 [Loretta] Look. 1647 01:32:09,701 --> 01:32:11,427 It's their courtship. 1648 01:32:11,531 --> 01:32:15,431 Kalaman is searching the island for something. 1649 01:32:18,261 --> 01:32:19,849 Rare red seashells. 1650 01:32:19,953 --> 01:32:24,958 To prove his love, he gave her one shell every day for a year 1651 01:32:25,061 --> 01:32:26,615 and made them into a crown, 1652 01:32:26,718 --> 01:32:29,514 bright red like the flame of their love, 1653 01:32:29,618 --> 01:32:33,000 until the day came where she accepted his proposal. 1654 01:32:33,104 --> 01:32:34,864 It was never about jewels. 1655 01:32:34,968 --> 01:32:38,696 Kalaman and Taha's riches weren't material. 1656 01:32:40,629 --> 01:32:42,562 It was their love. 1657 01:32:42,665 --> 01:32:45,012 That's what it meant. That was enough. 1658 01:32:45,116 --> 01:32:46,324 [Fairfax] So that's it? 1659 01:32:47,221 --> 01:32:50,121 All of that time and money 1660 01:32:50,949 --> 01:32:54,539 spent on, what, just a cheap metaphor? 1661 01:32:54,643 --> 01:32:57,438 It's a pretty rich metaphor.Oh, shut up! 1662 01:32:57,542 --> 01:32:59,579 -[rumbling] -We got to go. We got to go now. 1663 01:32:59,682 --> 01:33:02,858 -Come on. Let's go. -No, no, no. You are staying here. 1664 01:33:02,961 --> 01:33:05,032 You think it's all so sweet and poetic. 1665 01:33:05,136 --> 01:33:07,621 Well, then you can stay here and spend your last moments 1666 01:33:07,725 --> 01:33:10,659 pondering the richness of that metaphor. 1667 01:33:11,349 --> 01:33:13,627 -Get in. -What? Come on, man. 1668 01:33:13,731 --> 01:33:16,181 -Oh, God. Just get in. Get in the tomb. -Okay, okay. 1669 01:33:16,285 --> 01:33:18,908 [Alan] It's better to be buried alive than buried dead, I guess. 1670 01:33:19,012 --> 01:33:22,291 -[Loretta] It's really not. -You know, it is a shame, really. 1671 01:33:22,394 --> 01:33:23,913 This is a hell of a story. 1672 01:33:24,017 --> 01:33:26,709 Pity you won't be around to tell it. Come on. 1673 01:33:26,813 --> 01:33:28,400 -But they'll die. -So will you 1674 01:33:28,504 --> 01:33:31,093 if you don't stop being such a snowflake! Get over here! 1675 01:33:33,336 --> 01:33:34,579 [grunts] 1676 01:33:40,689 --> 01:33:42,691 [Loretta] This is fine. This is not an active nightmare 1677 01:33:42,794 --> 01:33:44,451 I've had since I was 14 years old. 1678 01:33:46,211 --> 01:33:47,696 [Fairfax] Ow! [grunts] 1679 01:33:47,799 --> 01:33:51,527 Why are you going so fast? It's not a race. 1680 01:33:52,493 --> 01:33:53,909 [grunting] 1681 01:33:55,082 --> 01:33:56,428 [boat engine starts] 1682 01:33:56,532 --> 01:33:58,845 Wait, no! What are you doing? Come back here! 1683 01:33:58,948 --> 01:34:03,643 You may have bought the island, but now the island owns you! 1684 01:34:04,505 --> 01:34:05,990 You can't just leave me here! 1685 01:34:08,026 --> 01:34:10,408 Rafi! Come back! 1686 01:34:12,582 --> 01:34:13,998 I need a boat! 1687 01:34:23,421 --> 01:34:25,526 Hey, hey, stop! Stop! 1688 01:34:27,528 --> 01:34:29,392 Help! Help! 1689 01:34:29,496 --> 01:34:31,601 One of the locals just stole my boat! 1690 01:34:31,705 --> 01:34:33,465 Have you seen a woman? 1691 01:34:33,569 --> 01:34:36,676 She's a brunette in a sequined jumpsuit. 1692 01:34:36,779 --> 01:34:40,783 No. Is she in some sort of trouble? 1693 01:34:44,442 --> 01:34:46,651 [Loretta breathing heavily] 1694 01:34:47,341 --> 01:34:49,723 [both grunting] 1695 01:34:52,450 --> 01:34:54,176 It's kind of funny. 1696 01:34:55,591 --> 01:34:57,386 I used to think this... 1697 01:34:57,489 --> 01:34:59,388 this sort of thing was so romantic. 1698 01:34:59,491 --> 01:35:00,872 Yeah? 1699 01:35:00,976 --> 01:35:04,324 Being locked in a coffin about to be buried by lava, 1700 01:35:04,427 --> 01:35:07,016 or... cuddling dead people? 1701 01:35:07,810 --> 01:35:10,882 Just laying down with a lost love. 1702 01:35:10,986 --> 01:35:12,194 Like Taha did. 1703 01:35:12,297 --> 01:35:13,954 [volcano rumbling] 1704 01:35:14,748 --> 01:35:15,956 God.Oh... 1705 01:35:16,543 --> 01:35:17,924 Oh, God. 1706 01:35:18,027 --> 01:35:20,236 I'm sorry. 1707 01:35:20,340 --> 01:35:22,791 I'm sorry that I couldn't save you. 1708 01:35:22,894 --> 01:35:24,862 I'm sorry I couldn't be Dash. 1709 01:35:25,448 --> 01:35:26,726 You're right. 1710 01:35:27,761 --> 01:35:29,314 You're nothing like Dash. 1711 01:35:29,418 --> 01:35:32,455 You didn't ride in on a white horse to save me. 1712 01:35:32,559 --> 01:35:37,944 You rode in on a... borrowed scooter with a broken muffler. 1713 01:35:38,047 --> 01:35:39,221 [chuckles] 1714 01:35:39,324 --> 01:35:40,740 Yeah. 1715 01:35:40,843 --> 01:35:43,743 I never could've written a Dash like you. 1716 01:35:45,641 --> 01:35:47,574 'Cause I never knew 1717 01:35:48,264 --> 01:35:50,059 a Dash like Alan. 1718 01:35:50,163 --> 01:35:52,613 I was so afraid of being hurt by life again 1719 01:35:52,717 --> 01:35:54,098 that I just stopped living. 1720 01:35:54,201 --> 01:35:56,203 Couldn't see the good things in front of me. 1721 01:35:56,307 --> 01:35:59,793 I'm just so sorry I didn't see you sooner. 1722 01:36:00,760 --> 01:36:02,485 I have a confession too. 1723 01:36:02,589 --> 01:36:06,489 See, I was really liking where this new story of ours was headed. 1724 01:36:06,593 --> 01:36:09,803 I just wanted to see how it was gonna turn out, I guess. 1725 01:36:11,115 --> 01:36:13,669 The Adventures of Loretta and Alan. 1726 01:36:15,775 --> 01:36:17,707 No, it would need a better title than that. 1727 01:36:17,811 --> 01:36:19,779 Yeah, definitely. Definitely. 1728 01:36:20,918 --> 01:36:24,714 Sorry. Just... Taha's femur is poking me. 1729 01:36:25,715 --> 01:36:28,304 [volcano rumbling] 1730 01:36:28,408 --> 01:36:30,168 Rafi must have left that. 1731 01:36:30,272 --> 01:36:32,792 [Alan] How do you forget your crowbar? It's gonna help us escape. 1732 01:36:32,895 --> 01:36:34,517 No, he left it on purpose. 1733 01:36:34,621 --> 01:36:36,312 Oh, cool. I always liked him. 1734 01:36:36,416 --> 01:36:37,831 One...Okay. 1735 01:36:37,935 --> 01:36:39,764 ...two, three!Okay. 1736 01:36:39,868 --> 01:36:43,803 I would've preferred him to not leave us here in the first place, but... 1737 01:36:44,493 --> 01:36:45,321 [Alan] Okay. 1738 01:36:45,425 --> 01:36:47,151 [grunting] 1739 01:37:06,377 --> 01:37:08,586 Dulcius ex asperis. 1740 01:37:12,935 --> 01:37:14,834 Sweeter after difficulty. 1741 01:37:16,559 --> 01:37:18,147 [rumbling] 1742 01:37:21,461 --> 01:37:22,911 Go up! Run for the trees! 1743 01:37:24,119 --> 01:37:27,018 Wait. Nope. Never mind. Trees are on fire. 1744 01:37:27,467 --> 01:37:29,158 Okay. 1745 01:37:30,746 --> 01:37:32,610 We can go back through the tunnel. 1746 01:37:33,576 --> 01:37:34,854 Nope. Tunnel's a no-go. 1747 01:37:39,962 --> 01:37:41,930 [Alan] Um, okay. I'm open to other ideas. 1748 01:37:42,033 --> 01:37:45,588 There's a current. We can follow it into the ocean. 1749 01:37:45,692 --> 01:37:47,314 How do we know what's on the other side? 1750 01:37:47,832 --> 01:37:48,902 We don't. 1751 01:37:50,731 --> 01:37:52,872 There's only one way to find out. 1752 01:37:54,425 --> 01:37:56,082 Worth the rash.Yeah? 1753 01:38:17,068 --> 01:38:18,069 Alan? 1754 01:38:26,526 --> 01:38:27,768 Alan! 1755 01:39:00,594 --> 01:39:02,286 [gasping] 1756 01:39:05,220 --> 01:39:06,221 Alan? 1757 01:39:06,324 --> 01:39:09,017 A-- [coughs] Alan? 1758 01:39:10,225 --> 01:39:11,226 Alan! 1759 01:39:14,505 --> 01:39:16,231 Oh, my God! You're alive! 1760 01:39:16,334 --> 01:39:18,578 I'm alive.Oh, my God. I thought I killed you. 1761 01:39:18,681 --> 01:39:20,097 [laughs] 1762 01:39:21,546 --> 01:39:22,513 Is that Beth? 1763 01:39:22,616 --> 01:39:23,859 [Beth] Loretta! 1764 01:39:24,480 --> 01:39:25,654 [Loretta] Beth! 1765 01:39:25,757 --> 01:39:27,414 [Alan] Beth![Loretta] Beth! 1766 01:39:27,518 --> 01:39:28,760 Beth! 1767 01:39:34,421 --> 01:39:35,802 Beth, you're here! 1768 01:39:36,458 --> 01:39:37,666 Why are you here? 1769 01:39:37,769 --> 01:39:40,565 I told you I got your back, girl! 1770 01:39:41,152 --> 01:39:42,947 I'm so sorry! 1771 01:39:43,051 --> 01:39:45,156 I destroyed the jumpsuit! 1772 01:39:45,605 --> 01:39:46,606 What? 1773 01:39:46,709 --> 01:39:49,229 Never mind! Later. 1774 01:39:49,333 --> 01:39:51,335 I found a British guy in a cave. 1775 01:39:51,438 --> 01:39:53,923 I thought he was a little boy, but he has a full beard. 1776 01:39:54,027 --> 01:39:57,306 Beth, that's Fairfax! He kidnapped us! 1777 01:39:57,410 --> 01:40:00,171 [Alan] He's a bad guy, Beth! He killed my trainer! 1778 01:40:00,275 --> 01:40:01,276 Get him! 1779 01:40:01,793 --> 01:40:02,967 Stop him! 1780 01:40:05,349 --> 01:40:06,315 [grunts] 1781 01:40:06,419 --> 01:40:07,799 [grunts] 1782 01:40:10,802 --> 01:40:13,012 I got your back, girl. 1783 01:40:15,152 --> 01:40:17,119 Where were you running? It's a boat. 1784 01:40:17,223 --> 01:40:18,741 This guy's hilarious. [laughs] 1785 01:40:18,845 --> 01:40:20,571 Got you. 1786 01:40:20,674 --> 01:40:21,951 [Beth] Swim over to the rock! 1787 01:40:22,055 --> 01:40:24,126 I don't got you. No, I got you.I got you. 1788 01:40:24,230 --> 01:40:26,128 We're gonna get you. It's gonna be okay. 1789 01:40:26,232 --> 01:40:28,820 [Allison] "Finding refuge on a nearby rock, 1790 01:40:28,924 --> 01:40:31,030 he lifted her from the water, 1791 01:40:31,133 --> 01:40:34,309 his powerful arms pulling her body close. 1792 01:40:34,412 --> 01:40:35,551 Alan whispered..." 1793 01:40:35,655 --> 01:40:38,209 Shh. You're safe now. 1794 01:40:40,625 --> 01:40:45,285 [Alan] "In that moment, Loretta could feel a new adventure was just beginning." 1795 01:40:46,562 --> 01:40:49,220 "The heart-pounding passion of the narrow escape 1796 01:40:49,324 --> 01:40:52,258 only inflamed Loretta's desire for him. 1797 01:40:52,361 --> 01:40:56,572 She was thirsty for the hot lava soon to be pulsing from his..." 1798 01:40:56,676 --> 01:41:00,266 Don't you go stopping right at the good part. 1799 01:41:00,369 --> 01:41:01,508 [chuckles][laughs] 1800 01:41:01,612 --> 01:41:03,441 It's nothing she hasn't read before. 1801 01:41:03,545 --> 01:41:04,925 Didn't I tell you? 1802 01:41:05,029 --> 01:41:08,032 The most beautiful beach in the world. 1803 01:41:08,136 --> 01:41:11,449 Maybe later, I'll show you the Cove of Enchantment? 1804 01:41:11,553 --> 01:41:13,141 No, you can take Randy. 1805 01:41:13,244 --> 01:41:16,903 Remember, you are my platonic man friend. 1806 01:41:17,006 --> 01:41:20,044 Platonic? I like the sound of that. 1807 01:41:20,148 --> 01:41:22,805 Not sure what it means, but I like the sound of it. 1808 01:41:22,909 --> 01:41:25,118 Here you go, Randy. [grunts] 1809 01:41:26,878 --> 01:41:29,191 My dear.You are an angel. Thank you. 1810 01:41:29,847 --> 01:41:31,262 How did you know? 1811 01:41:43,171 --> 01:41:45,966 Nice way to end a book tour, right?Mm-hmm. 1812 01:41:46,519 --> 01:41:48,348 [sighs] Um... 1813 01:41:48,452 --> 01:41:52,697 You know, I have a phrase I like to use in moments like these, actually. 1814 01:41:52,801 --> 01:41:54,043 Um... 1815 01:41:55,528 --> 01:41:56,943 Quid deinde? 1816 01:41:58,082 --> 01:42:01,258 It's Latin. It means, uh, "What's next?" 1817 01:42:03,156 --> 01:42:04,675 Quid cogitas? 1818 01:42:04,778 --> 01:42:06,159 Mmm. 1819 01:42:06,884 --> 01:42:08,057 Buca di Beppo. 1820 01:42:08,161 --> 01:42:09,852 [both laughing] 1821 01:42:11,475 --> 01:42:13,132 Yeah. I know zero other Latin.No. Yes. 1822 01:42:13,235 --> 01:42:16,169 I looked it up for this moment right now. 1823 01:42:16,997 --> 01:42:19,138 [sighs]So, what does come next? 1824 01:42:19,241 --> 01:42:21,726 How would you write this?I don't know. 1825 01:42:21,830 --> 01:42:24,384 How would you write it?Do we really want me to write this? 1826 01:42:24,488 --> 01:42:26,835 Just try. Take a stab at it.Okay. I'll write it. 1827 01:42:26,938 --> 01:42:28,285 Okay. 1828 01:42:28,388 --> 01:42:31,391 "We were-- They were, uh... standing on a beach." 1829 01:42:31,495 --> 01:42:33,428 Sets the stage for the audience. They know where we are. 1830 01:42:33,531 --> 01:42:35,326 You're already laughing. Why are you laughing at me? 1831 01:42:35,430 --> 01:42:37,225 I'm not laughing. I'm smiling.You are. 1832 01:42:37,328 --> 01:42:41,332 "There are palm trees above a brown 1833 01:42:42,195 --> 01:42:44,818 bark-like hair of the maiden. 1834 01:42:44,922 --> 01:42:46,786 There is a dead jellyfish--" 1835 01:42:46,889 --> 01:42:49,340 All you're doing is describing what you're actually seeing right now. 1836 01:42:49,444 --> 01:42:52,274 "He's nervous because he really likes her." 1837 01:42:53,137 --> 01:42:55,174 It's nice writing. 1838 01:42:55,277 --> 01:42:56,589 Thanks.You're welcome. 1839 01:42:56,692 --> 01:42:57,797 I'll keep going. 1840 01:42:57,900 --> 01:42:59,488 "He looked deep in her eyes. 1841 01:42:59,592 --> 01:43:03,043 The only thing that could compare to the pulse of that ocean 1842 01:43:03,837 --> 01:43:04,907 was the throbbing in the--" 1843 01:43:05,011 --> 01:43:08,117 Okay, no, you can't throb.Why not? 1844 01:43:08,221 --> 01:43:09,947 Can't come out of the gate with a throb. 1845 01:43:10,050 --> 01:43:12,363 You throb all the time.I don't come out of the gate with it. 1846 01:43:12,467 --> 01:43:14,365 You have to earn the throb.Who made you the queen of throb? 1847 01:43:14,469 --> 01:43:18,162 It's usually a chapter four thing. You want it brought up appropriately in four. 1848 01:43:18,266 --> 01:43:20,371 I think you throb in all the chapters. "Pulsating." 1849 01:43:20,475 --> 01:43:22,408 It's a precursor to throb. 1850 01:43:22,511 --> 01:43:24,617 "Undulating."You just jumped to five. 1851 01:43:24,720 --> 01:43:27,585 How 'bout they just kiss? Why not?Just like a regular kiss? 1852 01:43:27,689 --> 01:43:29,553 Yeah. Like a beginning-of-the-chapter kiss. 1853 01:43:29,656 --> 01:43:31,244 I'm good at starting-- 1854 01:43:35,110 --> 01:43:36,594 How was that? Any notes? 1855 01:43:37,354 --> 01:43:40,736 Very good first chapter attempt. 1856 01:43:41,875 --> 01:43:43,705 ♪ Bad chick I could be your fantasy♪ 1857 01:43:43,808 --> 01:43:46,017 ♪ I can tell You got big, big energy♪ 1858 01:43:46,121 --> 01:43:48,330 ♪ It ain't too many of 'em That can handle me♪ 1859 01:43:48,434 --> 01:43:50,332 ♪ But I might let you try it Off the Hennessy♪ 1860 01:43:50,436 --> 01:43:52,714 ♪ Make 'em sang to this thing Like a melody♪ 1861 01:43:52,817 --> 01:43:55,095 ♪ And if your girl ain't right I got the remedy♪ 1862 01:43:55,199 --> 01:43:57,650 ♪ It ain't too many of 'em That can handle me♪ 1863 01:43:57,753 --> 01:44:00,308 ♪ Bad chick I could be your fantasy♪ 1864 01:44:00,411 --> 01:44:01,895 ♪ Tell me how you want it♪ 1865 01:44:01,999 --> 01:44:03,863 ♪ Three, two, one And I'm on it♪ 1866 01:44:03,966 --> 01:44:05,830 ♪ Feel good, don't it? Hood chick, you in a bonnet♪ 1867 01:44:05,934 --> 01:44:07,901 ♪ I'ma bust it on a pole Like Onyx♪ 1868 01:44:08,005 --> 01:44:11,180 ♪ I'm just being honest Juicy, Minute Maid♪ 1869 01:44:11,284 --> 01:44:12,975 ♪ But can't do it One minute, man♪ 1870 01:44:13,079 --> 01:44:15,564 ♪ Not a side or a main I'm the only one he entertain♪ 1871 01:44:15,668 --> 01:44:17,739 ♪ Spending his Mine in the bank♪ 1872 01:44:17,842 --> 01:44:21,467 ♪ I like what I see A boss like you Need a boss like me♪ 1873 01:44:21,570 --> 01:44:23,538 ♪ Daddy from the street So he move low key♪ 1874 01:44:23,641 --> 01:44:25,919 ♪ Tryna ride that mic Like karaoke♪ 1875 01:44:26,023 --> 01:44:28,508 ♪ On the count of three Bad, get money♪ 1876 01:44:28,612 --> 01:44:30,683 ♪ Broke to the left We don't want it♪ 1877 01:44:30,786 --> 01:44:32,961 ♪ I'm the one they love to hate But they can't get past♪ 1878 01:44:33,064 --> 01:44:36,205 ♪ Pretty face, no waist And a big old back♪ 1879 01:44:36,309 --> 01:44:38,242 ♪ Bad chick I could be your fantasy♪ 1880 01:44:38,346 --> 01:44:40,486 ♪ I can tell you got Big, big energy♪ 1881 01:44:40,589 --> 01:44:42,695 ♪ It ain't too many of 'em That can handle me♪ 1882 01:44:42,798 --> 01:44:44,766 ♪ But I might let you try it Off the Hennessy♪ 1883 01:44:44,869 --> 01:44:47,044 ♪ Make 'em sing to this thing Like a melody♪ 1884 01:44:47,147 --> 01:44:49,495 ♪ And if your girl ain't right I got the remedy♪ 1885 01:44:49,598 --> 01:44:51,738 ♪ It ain't too many of 'em That can handle me♪ 1886 01:44:51,842 --> 01:44:54,258 ♪ Bad chick I could be your fantasy♪ 1887 01:44:54,362 --> 01:44:58,193 ♪ Got that real big energy...♪ 1888 01:45:00,022 --> 01:45:02,473 [wind chimes tinkling] 1889 01:45:05,994 --> 01:45:07,478 Psst! 1890 01:45:08,134 --> 01:45:09,618 Psst. 1891 01:45:10,585 --> 01:45:11,586 Psst. 1892 01:45:13,657 --> 01:45:14,623 Mother-- 1893 01:45:14,727 --> 01:45:16,453 You were dead. 1894 01:45:16,556 --> 01:45:19,421 Your brains came out of your face and hit the back of my throat. 1895 01:45:19,525 --> 01:45:22,079 -He was in my mouth. -Don't say he was in your mouth. 1896 01:45:22,182 --> 01:45:23,805 -I could taste you. -Don't ever say that. 1897 01:45:23,908 --> 01:45:29,086 We only use 10% of our brain, so I just switched to another 10%. 1898 01:45:29,189 --> 01:45:32,020 [whispers] So, you're okay? 1899 01:45:32,123 --> 01:45:33,815 One hundred percent. 1900 01:45:33,918 --> 01:45:35,403 Meaning 10%. 1901 01:45:35,506 --> 01:45:37,266 We thought you were dead. 1902 01:45:37,370 --> 01:45:40,097 Naturally, I have some anger issues I need to let go of. 1903 01:45:40,200 --> 01:45:42,548 [Loretta] Of course.And resentment. 1904 01:45:44,446 --> 01:45:45,792 So good to see you, man. 1905 01:45:45,896 --> 01:45:47,967 [instructor] Okay, let's keep the chatter down. 1906 01:45:48,070 --> 01:45:52,454 We're closing our eyes and reconnecting to our breath. 1907 01:45:53,524 --> 01:45:54,629 Great. 1908 01:45:55,457 --> 01:45:56,458 Great.