1 00:00:34,875 --> 00:00:37,000 Will the defendant please stand? 2 00:00:37,583 --> 00:00:42,583 Kempton Bunton, you are charged that on the 21st of march, 1961, 3 00:00:42,667 --> 00:00:47,542 you stole from the National Gallery the portrait of the Duke of Wellington 4 00:00:47,625 --> 00:00:53,167 by the artist Francisco Goya to the value of £140,000. 5 00:00:53,250 --> 00:00:55,375 How do you plead? Guilty or not guilty? 6 00:00:55,458 --> 00:00:56,458 Not guilty. 7 00:00:56,542 --> 00:01:00,458 And that you created a public nuisance by depriving members of the public 8 00:01:00,542 --> 00:01:02,583 of the opportunity to view the portrait. 9 00:01:02,667 --> 00:01:04,875 Do you plead guilty or not guilty? 10 00:01:04,958 --> 00:01:06,542 Same again, love. Not guilty. 11 00:01:08,792 --> 00:01:09,792 Mr Cussen. 12 00:01:11,542 --> 00:01:12,542 Thank you, My Lord. 13 00:02:19,250 --> 00:02:21,018 At this rate, you'll be giving that Shakespeare 14 00:02:21,042 --> 00:02:22,375 a run for his money. 15 00:02:22,917 --> 00:02:25,875 Imagine if Jesus had been born a woman. 16 00:02:27,292 --> 00:02:28,417 Well, what's it called? 17 00:02:28,500 --> 00:02:30,417 The adventures of Susan Christ. 18 00:02:32,583 --> 00:02:33,958 Not my cup of tea, then. 19 00:02:34,708 --> 00:02:36,500 Oh, well, you never know. 20 00:02:36,583 --> 00:02:37,750 Recorded delivery? 21 00:02:38,917 --> 00:02:40,333 Aye. Good idea. 22 00:02:40,417 --> 00:02:42,643 That will be two shillings, Mr Bunton. 23 00:02:42,667 --> 00:02:44,309 Come on, Mr Singh. 24 00:02:44,333 --> 00:02:45,750 We know you're in there. 25 00:02:47,333 --> 00:02:48,375 I know he's in. 26 00:02:49,750 --> 00:02:51,809 - Harry? Come on. - All right. 27 00:02:51,833 --> 00:02:53,018 We'll come back. 28 00:02:53,042 --> 00:02:55,059 - I know he's in. - All right. 29 00:02:55,083 --> 00:02:56,292 He's cooking. 30 00:02:56,375 --> 00:02:58,458 Right, cup of tea and then we'll go and do... 31 00:02:58,542 --> 00:02:59,875 Evening chronicle. 32 00:02:59,958 --> 00:03:02,125 - How can I help you? - Is Barry Spence there, pet? 33 00:03:02,208 --> 00:03:04,417 - Just putting you through. - Thank you. 34 00:03:06,583 --> 00:03:07,625 Dorothy? 35 00:03:07,708 --> 00:03:08,708 I'm in here. 36 00:03:08,792 --> 00:03:12,208 Dorothy, would you be a sweetie and just clean the heads for me? 37 00:03:12,292 --> 00:03:13,792 Oh, yes. Yes, of course. 38 00:03:13,875 --> 00:03:15,500 Uh, will I finish the fireplace first? 39 00:03:15,583 --> 00:03:18,458 It's entirely up to you, but I'm playing this afternoon. Busy, busy. 40 00:03:18,542 --> 00:03:21,417 Oh, Dorothy, as I was passing Fenwick's the other day, 41 00:03:21,500 --> 00:03:23,833 I noticed that they had, um, a sign up. 42 00:03:23,917 --> 00:03:26,333 "Storeman." just in case your husband... 43 00:03:30,042 --> 00:03:31,708 Uh, I just mention it. 44 00:03:52,125 --> 00:03:54,583 - Mr Bunton. - Curtain twitched. 45 00:03:59,625 --> 00:04:00,625 Dad! 46 00:04:03,208 --> 00:04:04,708 Post office. In the street. 47 00:04:04,792 --> 00:04:06,875 I know. Buy me five minutes. 48 00:04:06,958 --> 00:04:09,583 - Mr Bunton? - Cometh the hour, Jackie, lad. 49 00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:12,708 - Mr Bunton? - Can I help? 50 00:04:12,792 --> 00:04:15,167 We're here to inspect your television licence. 51 00:04:17,917 --> 00:04:18,917 Look at that. 52 00:04:20,125 --> 00:04:23,083 - What? - Fox. Big fella. 53 00:04:23,167 --> 00:04:25,958 Any house with a television is required to have a licence. 54 00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:29,583 Our radar Van detected a line output transformer signal 55 00:04:29,667 --> 00:04:30,667 from this address, 56 00:04:30,750 --> 00:04:33,500 coming from a cathode ray tube this time last week. 57 00:04:33,583 --> 00:04:35,667 - We haven't got one of them. - That's a telly. 58 00:04:35,750 --> 00:04:38,292 Oh. Oh, we've got one of them. 59 00:04:38,375 --> 00:04:40,208 And do you have a licence? 60 00:04:40,292 --> 00:04:41,292 In what sense? 61 00:04:41,375 --> 00:04:42,708 In the sense of having one 62 00:04:43,875 --> 00:04:45,042 or not having one. 63 00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:48,750 A Mars a day helps you work, rest and play. 64 00:04:48,833 --> 00:04:51,458 Gentlemen, join me. Robin hood after the adverts. 65 00:04:51,542 --> 00:04:53,500 - Can we see your licence, Sir? - Don't need one. 66 00:04:53,583 --> 00:04:56,125 We only watch ITV, which is paid for by these. 67 00:04:56,208 --> 00:04:58,393 This is a mistake. I can go to the post office in the morning. 68 00:04:58,417 --> 00:05:00,833 This is no mistake. It is a political act. 69 00:05:00,917 --> 00:05:03,875 Witness, I cannot receive the BBC. 70 00:05:03,958 --> 00:05:05,708 To the left, ITV. 71 00:05:06,542 --> 00:05:09,417 I've taken the band-one coil from the turret tuner. 72 00:05:09,500 --> 00:05:13,083 - Here we go again. - My wife always supports me in private. 73 00:05:13,167 --> 00:05:17,000 It is thus physically impossible for this set to receive a televisual signal 74 00:05:17,083 --> 00:05:20,833 from the British broadcasting corporation, and that negates the imperative on me 75 00:05:20,917 --> 00:05:23,309 - to pay the licence fee. - I've only got 16 Bob here. 76 00:05:23,333 --> 00:05:25,643 - Jackie, fetch the kitty from the larder. - Don't you move. 77 00:05:25,667 --> 00:05:28,208 It's an unfair tax on ordinary people. 78 00:05:28,292 --> 00:05:31,125 Especially the oldies that can't afford it. 79 00:05:31,208 --> 00:05:34,583 Television, gentlemen, is the modern cure for loneliness. 80 00:05:34,667 --> 00:05:36,184 - We're a movement... - I'm not! 81 00:05:36,208 --> 00:05:38,083 Our aim is to persuade our government 82 00:05:38,167 --> 00:05:40,792 that old people should have free televisual viewing. 83 00:05:40,875 --> 00:05:43,333 Well, the law's the law, and no one's above it. 84 00:05:43,417 --> 00:05:44,917 Especially a nobody like you. 85 00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:47,708 Oi! You can't talk to me Dad like that in his own house. 86 00:05:47,792 --> 00:05:49,625 - Or what? - You all right, Kempton? 87 00:05:49,708 --> 00:05:52,893 - Don't know, Barry. Never think about it. - You back again, stirring it. 88 00:05:52,917 --> 00:05:54,268 - W ho are you? - Evening chronicle. 89 00:05:54,292 --> 00:05:56,708 - Well, by statute... - Free TV for the OAP? 90 00:05:56,792 --> 00:05:58,167 I like it. 91 00:05:58,250 --> 00:06:00,750 I was pleased. Not a lot rhymes with TV. 92 00:06:00,833 --> 00:06:03,583 - I don't want this in the papers. - He does. That's why I'm here. 93 00:06:03,667 --> 00:06:07,333 Well, by statute, anyone owning a television needs a licence. 94 00:06:07,417 --> 00:06:12,458 Uh-huh. But I have modified this set by removing the BBC coil. 95 00:06:12,542 --> 00:06:14,417 So I owe the government nothing. 96 00:06:14,500 --> 00:06:16,625 That is an unarguable proposition 97 00:06:16,708 --> 00:06:19,042 and certainly sound in law. 98 00:06:19,125 --> 00:06:20,333 Hold it. 99 00:06:24,875 --> 00:06:26,958 - Thank you. - Now, then, Bunton. 100 00:06:40,792 --> 00:06:41,833 Sorry, Dad. 101 00:06:43,583 --> 00:06:44,958 Where to? Home? 102 00:06:45,042 --> 00:06:46,250 Marian. 103 00:06:55,792 --> 00:06:56,958 Sorry, love. 104 00:06:59,625 --> 00:07:00,875 Porridge. 105 00:07:02,833 --> 00:07:04,208 Thirteen days. 106 00:07:07,625 --> 00:07:08,917 Broke the law. 107 00:07:11,750 --> 00:07:13,000 Upset your mother. 108 00:07:13,792 --> 00:07:14,917 Again. 109 00:07:23,833 --> 00:07:26,583 - Why doesn't Mam ever come? - Don't know, Jackie. 110 00:07:26,667 --> 00:07:28,375 You'll have to ask her that yourself. 111 00:07:34,792 --> 00:07:37,167 When England faced its Waterloo, 112 00:07:37,250 --> 00:07:38,917 one man stood firm. 113 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,042 This man. 114 00:07:40,125 --> 00:07:42,708 Arthur Wellesley, the Duke of Wellington. 115 00:07:42,792 --> 00:07:45,000 And when last week, this historic portrait 116 00:07:45,083 --> 00:07:47,167 was in danger of leaving the country forever, 117 00:07:47,250 --> 00:07:49,125 we also stood firm, 118 00:07:49,208 --> 00:07:54,417 raising the £140,000 required to secure it for us all. 119 00:07:54,500 --> 00:07:55,583 Was it really worth it? 120 00:07:59,500 --> 00:08:03,292 I mean, looking at it, it's not very big, is it? 121 00:08:05,583 --> 00:08:06,833 Sir Philip? 122 00:08:06,917 --> 00:08:08,667 Well, um, 123 00:08:09,292 --> 00:08:14,917 it's an outstanding example of late-period Goya. 124 00:08:15,542 --> 00:08:18,333 It really is. Outstanding. 125 00:08:18,417 --> 00:08:20,833 And at the National Gallery in London, 126 00:08:20,917 --> 00:08:22,500 the Home Secretary unveiled Goya 's... 127 00:08:22,583 --> 00:08:25,375 This is champion, love. Bit of mustard? 128 00:08:25,458 --> 00:08:27,792 You had servants in prison, did you? 129 00:08:27,875 --> 00:08:29,750 You know I don't like getting up. 130 00:08:29,833 --> 00:08:31,434 - I'll get it, Dad. - No, you won't. 131 00:08:31,458 --> 00:08:32,851 The iron Duke, I think... 132 00:08:32,875 --> 00:08:33,875 Jackie. 133 00:08:33,958 --> 00:08:35,351 Embodies our own national character. 134 00:08:35,375 --> 00:08:36,625 Courage, resolve... 135 00:08:36,708 --> 00:08:38,542 Not the Duke of bloody Wellington. 136 00:08:38,625 --> 00:08:40,167 Refusal to countenance defeat. 137 00:08:42,125 --> 00:08:43,583 I sold one of me boats. 138 00:08:43,667 --> 00:08:45,625 So you didn't go to night class? 139 00:08:45,708 --> 00:08:47,250 Thought you'd be happy for us. 140 00:08:47,333 --> 00:08:49,351 I'd be happier if you were getting yourself qualified. 141 00:08:49,375 --> 00:08:51,208 What's the armada down to, then? 142 00:08:51,292 --> 00:08:52,375 Just the one left. 143 00:08:52,458 --> 00:08:54,338 At any price, Home Secretary? 144 00:08:54,417 --> 00:08:55,934 Well, we're not in the business 145 00:08:55,958 --> 00:08:58,042 of putting a price on the nation's heritage. 146 00:08:58,125 --> 00:08:59,792 They don't have to. 147 00:08:59,875 --> 00:09:02,833 It's the taxpayer, you and me, Jackie, that's paid for that painting. 148 00:09:02,917 --> 00:09:05,333 Since when have you paid any tax? 149 00:09:05,417 --> 00:09:07,217 "Welcome home, Kempton." 150 00:09:07,250 --> 00:09:09,083 You know what's going off here, Jackie? 151 00:09:09,167 --> 00:09:11,333 Toffs, looking after their own. 152 00:09:11,417 --> 00:09:13,167 Spending our hard-earned money 153 00:09:13,250 --> 00:09:16,458 on a half-baked portrait by some Spanish drunk 154 00:09:16,542 --> 00:09:18,750 of a Duke who was a bastard to his men 155 00:09:18,833 --> 00:09:21,042 and who voted against universal suffrage. 156 00:09:21,125 --> 00:09:23,167 - Against what? - The vote. 157 00:09:23,250 --> 00:09:25,458 The Duke of Wellington didn't want you to have a say 158 00:09:25,542 --> 00:09:27,833 in how this country was run when he was prime minister. 159 00:09:27,917 --> 00:09:29,957 Think what they could have done with all that money. 160 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:32,792 Given thousands and thousands of free TV licences 161 00:09:32,875 --> 00:09:34,833 to war widows and pensioners, that's what. 162 00:09:34,917 --> 00:09:37,708 Are these speeches of yours going to put food on the table? 163 00:09:37,792 --> 00:09:40,167 You can stop that, Dolly. I'm back on the taxis tomorrow. 164 00:09:40,250 --> 00:09:42,708 Has yet been taken by the British government 165 00:09:42,792 --> 00:09:45,208 on the question of the common market. 166 00:09:45,292 --> 00:09:46,893 "One who hopes." 167 00:09:46,917 --> 00:09:48,542 Translated from what, I couldn't say. 168 00:09:48,625 --> 00:09:50,375 Esperanto, presumably. 169 00:09:50,458 --> 00:09:52,333 I'm not paying for conversation. 170 00:09:53,042 --> 00:09:54,500 I'll keep my trap shut, then. 171 00:09:55,458 --> 00:09:57,583 In fact, he was a Polish eye doctor. 172 00:09:57,667 --> 00:09:59,292 L. L. Zamenhof. 173 00:09:59,375 --> 00:10:01,792 His dream was to bring humanity together 174 00:10:01,875 --> 00:10:04,333 by means of a universal common language. 175 00:10:13,292 --> 00:10:15,250 Fucking hell. 176 00:10:15,333 --> 00:10:17,973 - What you doing, kidder? - Putting a cabin on it. 177 00:10:18,667 --> 00:10:20,042 Boat building, eh? 178 00:10:21,083 --> 00:10:23,542 Swan hunter will be shitting themselves. 179 00:10:25,417 --> 00:10:27,625 You gonna live on it? Get out the house? 180 00:10:27,708 --> 00:10:30,042 I sell them on as working boats. 181 00:10:32,583 --> 00:10:34,958 - What are you doing home? - Ah, keeping me head down. 182 00:10:35,833 --> 00:10:37,167 Are you in trouble? 183 00:10:38,333 --> 00:10:39,625 Not in Newcastle. 184 00:10:43,208 --> 00:10:44,583 Got a little job for youse. 185 00:10:47,333 --> 00:10:48,625 I wanna keep me nose clean. 186 00:10:48,708 --> 00:10:49,768 - I'll source the car. - Nah. 187 00:10:49,792 --> 00:10:51,309 You just have to drive it and get rid of it. 188 00:10:51,333 --> 00:10:53,083 - Nah! I said no! - Well, you did it before. 189 00:10:53,167 --> 00:10:54,958 Yeah, and I regret it. 190 00:10:55,042 --> 00:10:56,250 Well, think about it. 191 00:10:57,708 --> 00:10:58,875 A business opportunity. 192 00:11:01,583 --> 00:11:03,000 How's hostilities? 193 00:11:03,083 --> 00:11:05,875 He's writing away, and Mam's scrubbing the world clean. 194 00:11:08,708 --> 00:11:10,333 Bloody Marian. 195 00:11:11,375 --> 00:11:13,542 Aye. Bloody Marian. 196 00:11:20,833 --> 00:11:22,542 She normally sleeps through. 197 00:11:22,625 --> 00:11:25,583 It'll be fine. Don't worry. She knows you. She likes you. 198 00:11:25,667 --> 00:11:27,083 Oh, Dorothy, would you mind? 199 00:11:27,750 --> 00:11:29,167 Sorry. 200 00:11:30,458 --> 00:11:32,000 I've always liked this dress. 201 00:11:32,083 --> 00:11:35,000 Oh, it's taffeta. I hate it. It's so uncomfortable. 202 00:11:35,083 --> 00:11:38,208 Darling, it's 7:30 for 8:00, not 8:30 for 10:00! 203 00:11:38,292 --> 00:11:40,917 Gordon Bennett. Thank you, Dorothy. 204 00:11:44,292 --> 00:11:46,625 So, what is it tonight? 205 00:11:47,167 --> 00:11:48,458 Golf club gala. 206 00:11:49,167 --> 00:11:52,250 - The only time they let the ladies in. - Don't you play there? 207 00:11:52,333 --> 00:11:53,958 Oh, God, no. 208 00:11:54,042 --> 00:11:55,875 It would be the end of civilisation. 209 00:11:57,250 --> 00:12:00,708 So, is your, um... is your husband out? 210 00:12:03,083 --> 00:12:06,125 I mean, back? I saw the paper. 211 00:12:08,167 --> 00:12:10,292 - Do you want me to stop coming? - No. 212 00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:15,333 No, no. It's... 213 00:12:16,083 --> 00:12:17,333 It's fine, Dorothy. 214 00:12:18,375 --> 00:12:20,042 We're very happy with you, really. 215 00:12:21,917 --> 00:12:24,833 I don't want to cause your husband any embarrassment. 216 00:12:24,917 --> 00:12:27,292 Oh, no. No, we couldn't possibly have that. 217 00:12:27,375 --> 00:12:28,750 My husband the Councillor. 218 00:12:31,625 --> 00:12:33,225 It's a real conundrum, though, isn't it? 219 00:12:34,042 --> 00:12:37,083 I mean, if you can't receive the BBC, 220 00:12:38,958 --> 00:12:40,375 why should you pay the tax? 221 00:12:41,583 --> 00:12:42,750 I'll see you later. 222 00:12:46,667 --> 00:12:47,893 Any time this week. 223 00:12:47,917 --> 00:12:49,893 It doesn't take five minutes to look like this. 224 00:12:49,917 --> 00:12:51,976 - Let's just get going. - Where's my bag? 225 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:53,643 - On the ottoman. - -Have you got keys? 226 00:12:53,667 --> 00:12:55,684 - We don't need keys. - I'm not driving. 227 00:12:56,792 --> 00:13:00,375 Susan, I'm not going down. 228 00:13:13,958 --> 00:13:15,917 You'd like this one, love. 229 00:13:21,125 --> 00:13:23,875 - Get yourself in there. - Would you take it easy? 230 00:13:23,958 --> 00:13:25,601 - Return of the prodigal son. - Oh! 231 00:13:25,625 --> 00:13:27,059 Don't give him any money. 232 00:13:27,083 --> 00:13:28,417 I haven't got any. 233 00:13:28,500 --> 00:13:29,917 Where have you two been? 234 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:31,833 - The green tree. - Traitors. 235 00:13:31,917 --> 00:13:34,726 - Are you still barred from there? - A pint in there isn't a pint. 236 00:13:34,750 --> 00:13:36,833 Oh, you could start a fight in a ploughed field, you. 237 00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:39,167 He accused me of nicking their toilet rolls. 238 00:13:39,250 --> 00:13:41,875 - You were. - I was, aye, but he had no evidence. 239 00:13:41,958 --> 00:13:43,500 - Habeas corpus. - You're an idiot. 240 00:13:43,583 --> 00:13:46,434 - Leave him alone, Mam. - Fish pie, Kenny? You look thin. 241 00:13:46,458 --> 00:13:48,000 What are you fussing around him for? 242 00:13:48,083 --> 00:13:50,042 For a change from fussing around you. 243 00:13:50,125 --> 00:13:53,250 Babycham for the lady. Dad, yours. 244 00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:54,518 - Thank you. - A bottle of brown. 245 00:13:54,542 --> 00:13:57,333 Now, be sure and use the coasters. You're not in Leeds now. 246 00:13:57,417 --> 00:13:59,958 Yeah, civilisation here. 247 00:14:00,042 --> 00:14:02,750 - Put the news on, Dolly. - We haven't got a licence. 248 00:14:02,833 --> 00:14:04,113 Whose side are you on? 249 00:14:04,167 --> 00:14:07,417 My side. I'm not turning that goggle-box on. 250 00:14:07,958 --> 00:14:10,375 A toast. To the Buntons. 251 00:14:11,333 --> 00:14:13,375 - Happy families. - Happy families. 252 00:14:13,458 --> 00:14:15,309 Fans flock like swallows in the spring 253 00:14:15,333 --> 00:14:16,458 to the National Gallery... 254 00:14:16,542 --> 00:14:18,222 Not that sodding painting again. 255 00:14:18,250 --> 00:14:20,625 National treasure? It's the poor bloody foot soldiers 256 00:14:20,708 --> 00:14:22,875 that won his battles for him we should be celebrating. 257 00:14:22,958 --> 00:14:24,500 J“ kick down j“ 258 00:14:24,583 --> 00:14:26,083 every door! I quiet. 259 00:14:26,167 --> 00:14:29,042 - that's what doors are there for ' - quiet! Quiet! 260 00:14:29,125 --> 00:14:30,667 I hope you're proud of yourself. 261 00:14:30,750 --> 00:14:33,590 They don't swallow what the establishment tells them. I'm proud of that. 262 00:14:34,958 --> 00:14:38,000 - Am I making a bed up for you? - Aye, couple of nights, Mam. 263 00:14:38,083 --> 00:14:40,250 She'll miss you, your Dolly bird. 264 00:14:41,333 --> 00:14:42,333 Who we talking about? 265 00:14:42,417 --> 00:14:44,393 - Her that's married? Pammy? - She's separated, Mam. 266 00:14:44,417 --> 00:14:46,184 If she's not divorced, she's still a married woman. 267 00:14:46,208 --> 00:14:47,500 She was only married two months. 268 00:14:47,583 --> 00:14:49,226 Don't you go down that road, Jackie Bunton. 269 00:14:49,250 --> 00:14:51,000 I'm the devil incarnate, me. 270 00:14:51,083 --> 00:14:53,083 We don't know anything about your life in Leeds. 271 00:14:53,167 --> 00:14:56,167 - Plenty of cash, never in work. - I'm in construction. 272 00:14:56,250 --> 00:14:57,583 It's seasonal. 273 00:14:57,667 --> 00:14:59,351 You're always welcome here. Back room's yours. 274 00:14:59,375 --> 00:15:01,792 I wouldn't be surprised to hear she's in the family way. 275 00:15:01,875 --> 00:15:04,792 - Oh, fuck it. I've had enough. - I'll not have language in this house. 276 00:15:04,875 --> 00:15:07,875 - See you later, Dad. It's been lovely. - No. I said you're welcome. 277 00:15:07,958 --> 00:15:09,518 - I'm welcome. - Always welcome. 278 00:15:09,542 --> 00:15:11,809 Yeah, I heard you, all right? I'm never welcome in this house. 279 00:15:11,833 --> 00:15:13,143 I just don't want any swearing. 280 00:15:13,167 --> 00:15:14,559 You wonder why I take months away... 281 00:15:14,583 --> 00:15:16,167 I'll go and be United Nations. 282 00:15:16,250 --> 00:15:18,708 All I ask is for you just not to swear. 283 00:15:18,792 --> 00:15:20,518 The portrait of the first Duke of Wellington 284 00:15:20,542 --> 00:15:22,042 set a record price for a Goya. 285 00:15:22,125 --> 00:15:24,101 It was knocked down to an American 286 00:15:24,125 --> 00:15:27,708 after 90 seconds for £140,000. 287 00:15:29,750 --> 00:15:31,833 J“ ...If you don't want money? I 288 00:15:31,917 --> 00:15:34,625 j“ what do you want if you don't want gold? J“ 289 00:15:45,625 --> 00:15:48,000 I might have the body of a weak and feeble woman... 290 00:15:48,083 --> 00:15:49,542 Elizabeth I. 291 00:15:49,625 --> 00:15:52,000 But I've got the testicles of Henry VIII. 292 00:15:52,667 --> 00:15:56,125 You are three and tenpence short on yesterday, Bunton. 293 00:15:56,208 --> 00:15:58,417 Aye, an old fella. Skint. 294 00:15:58,500 --> 00:15:59,958 Why's he taking taxis, then? 295 00:16:00,042 --> 00:16:01,792 He's a war veteran. Can't walk. 296 00:16:01,875 --> 00:16:05,583 I am running a taxi firm, not a charity. 297 00:16:05,667 --> 00:16:08,792 - Take it out me wages. - I've had complaints. 298 00:16:08,875 --> 00:16:13,208 One, you talk too much, and, two, it's utter bollocks. 299 00:16:13,292 --> 00:16:16,125 You're sacked, with immediate effect. 300 00:16:16,208 --> 00:16:19,042 - I haven't been paid. - Sue me, then. 301 00:16:19,583 --> 00:16:21,167 But fuck off first. 302 00:16:21,250 --> 00:16:23,875 Oh, hello. Yes. 303 00:16:24,375 --> 00:16:27,542 I'll just take the address, please. Thank you. 304 00:16:30,417 --> 00:16:32,917 Thank you very much. Be there in a tick. 305 00:16:34,542 --> 00:16:36,333 There is nothing more powerful 306 00:16:36,417 --> 00:16:39,833 than when a community discovers what it cares about. 307 00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:46,417 And when a man accepts our essential interdependence, 308 00:16:47,458 --> 00:16:51,042 in that moment he, or she, 309 00:16:51,125 --> 00:16:52,583 becomes a woman. 310 00:16:55,417 --> 00:16:56,708 Or a man. 311 00:16:58,042 --> 00:16:59,750 As the case may be. 312 00:17:01,417 --> 00:17:02,708 How many have you got? 313 00:17:03,208 --> 00:17:06,042 The petition's only one part of the campaign. 314 00:17:06,125 --> 00:17:08,167 - Three? - Well, we've just set up. 315 00:17:08,250 --> 00:17:10,875 Kempton Bunton? That's not even a real name. 316 00:17:15,083 --> 00:17:17,125 Rome wasn't built in a day, Jackie. 317 00:17:17,708 --> 00:17:20,333 But, then again, I wasn't on that particular job. 318 00:17:20,417 --> 00:17:23,750 Oh, hello. Didn't know you were political, Jackie Bunton. 319 00:17:24,708 --> 00:17:27,167 Yeah, it's me Dad. His latest campaign. 320 00:17:28,083 --> 00:17:29,250 Me nan would love a telly. 321 00:17:29,333 --> 00:17:31,667 Why don't you sign my petition, then, love? 322 00:17:32,167 --> 00:17:34,458 Uh... I don't know about that. 323 00:17:37,583 --> 00:17:39,083 The hat suits ya. 324 00:17:41,792 --> 00:17:43,875 I'd like to sign, Mr Bunton. 325 00:17:45,708 --> 00:17:47,875 Unless you have any objections. 326 00:17:47,958 --> 00:17:50,500 Au contraire, Mrs Gowling. Au contraire, 327 00:17:51,458 --> 00:17:52,875 thank you. 328 00:17:52,958 --> 00:17:54,833 Now, where do I put my paw print? 329 00:17:54,917 --> 00:17:57,333 Just there, please. 330 00:18:11,250 --> 00:18:14,417 If Jackie goes to the bad, I'm holding you responsible. 331 00:18:14,500 --> 00:18:16,292 That'll be the straw, I promise you. 332 00:18:16,917 --> 00:18:19,917 You can do your petitions and write your plays in prison. 333 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:22,375 They'll do your cooking and your washing for you and all. 334 00:18:22,458 --> 00:18:25,083 - But I've had it. - I've had it up to here. 335 00:18:31,792 --> 00:18:32,958 Peace offering. 336 00:18:47,417 --> 00:18:50,042 - Good dunkers, them ginger nuts. - What do you want? 337 00:18:51,167 --> 00:18:52,875 A pact. 338 00:18:54,292 --> 00:18:57,833 Two days in London. Give me two days. 339 00:18:57,917 --> 00:19:01,042 Then I'll be back for good. Get a job. Keep me head down. 340 00:19:01,125 --> 00:19:03,333 I didn't come down in the last shower, you know. 341 00:19:03,417 --> 00:19:04,875 Promise. Two days. 342 00:19:06,250 --> 00:19:08,625 To change anything, you have to go to parliament. 343 00:19:08,708 --> 00:19:10,583 You're wasting your life. 344 00:19:10,667 --> 00:19:12,500 How do you eat an elephant? 345 00:19:13,042 --> 00:19:16,333 - Who eats elephants? - One bite at a time. 346 00:19:16,417 --> 00:19:17,750 Stop this. 347 00:19:19,208 --> 00:19:21,917 Please, Kempton. Please, love, please. 348 00:19:24,333 --> 00:19:27,917 I'm begging you. Stop all your agitation. 349 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,375 Two days, that's all. 350 00:19:29,458 --> 00:19:32,417 If I hit a brick wall down there, that will be the end of it. 351 00:19:33,042 --> 00:19:34,500 Two days, that's all I need. 352 00:19:34,583 --> 00:19:36,750 Then I swear to God, it'll be the last of it. 353 00:19:36,833 --> 00:19:39,125 The plays, the politics, the lot. 354 00:19:41,250 --> 00:19:42,500 Two days. 355 00:19:43,500 --> 00:19:45,917 One last chance. 356 00:20:12,083 --> 00:20:13,601 Do you have an appointment? 357 00:20:13,625 --> 00:20:16,625 - He'll want to see me. - I'm sorry? 358 00:20:16,708 --> 00:20:18,708 I've sent him my trilogy of plays, 359 00:20:18,792 --> 00:20:21,917 each one tackling a different aspect of social injustice. 360 00:20:22,417 --> 00:20:24,875 - He's not here. - Not here? 361 00:20:24,958 --> 00:20:26,792 He's gone to Granada. 362 00:20:26,875 --> 00:20:30,875 - Granada television? - No, Granada in Spain. 363 00:20:32,125 --> 00:20:33,375 I could wait. 364 00:20:35,375 --> 00:20:36,458 Right. 365 00:20:46,792 --> 00:20:48,083 There you go, Sir. 366 00:20:57,708 --> 00:21:00,083 I need to speak to the boss, love. It's urgent. 367 00:21:00,167 --> 00:21:01,458 He's over there. 368 00:21:02,333 --> 00:21:04,213 - Sir, I have a story. - Is that right? 369 00:21:04,292 --> 00:21:06,226 - It's a campaign... - I don't do campaigns. 370 00:21:06,250 --> 00:21:08,893 - It's about social injustice. - I don't do social injustice. 371 00:21:08,917 --> 00:21:10,397 - Can I buy you... - I don't do lunch. 372 00:21:13,417 --> 00:21:14,750 Another time. 373 00:21:20,417 --> 00:21:21,958 Friends, members, 374 00:21:22,042 --> 00:21:24,708 citizens of this great mother of parliament... 375 00:21:24,792 --> 00:21:27,167 Members, representatives, reps... 376 00:21:27,250 --> 00:21:28,833 Friends, reps... 377 00:21:28,917 --> 00:21:31,083 I come here, not... 378 00:21:39,333 --> 00:21:40,333 Friends, 379 00:21:41,292 --> 00:21:42,667 fellow citizens, 380 00:21:43,458 --> 00:21:46,833 elected representatives of this noble house, 381 00:21:46,917 --> 00:21:48,833 lend me your ears. 382 00:21:48,917 --> 00:21:52,083 - Let's just move along. - I come not to make a protest, 383 00:21:52,167 --> 00:21:53,625 but to demand of this government... 384 00:21:53,708 --> 00:21:55,167 It's all right. 385 00:23:51,917 --> 00:23:52,958 Bugger. 386 00:24:29,583 --> 00:24:32,309 The portrait was missing when the first shift of attendants 387 00:24:32,333 --> 00:24:34,833 reported for duty here at 7:00 this morning. 388 00:24:34,917 --> 00:24:38,417 When the gallery closed last night, the Goya was still in its usual place. 389 00:24:38,500 --> 00:24:41,059 The National Gallery is appealing to anybody who was here yesterday 390 00:24:41,083 --> 00:24:44,167 and who saw anything or anybody they think was suspicious 391 00:24:44,250 --> 00:24:45,518 to get in touch with the police. 392 00:24:45,542 --> 00:24:47,351 Will it be out of the country already, commissioner? 393 00:24:47,375 --> 00:24:51,417 Well, looking at the degree of planning and expertise involved, 394 00:24:51,500 --> 00:24:54,542 we're convinced that the Goya has been stolen to order 395 00:24:54,625 --> 00:24:59,667 by a well-funded, highly professional international criminal gang. 396 00:24:59,750 --> 00:25:01,917 Any suspects so far? 397 00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:03,750 It's not very good, is it? 398 00:25:06,708 --> 00:25:07,958 What about the police? 399 00:25:08,042 --> 00:25:10,250 No one's looking for the Duke of Wellington in Benwell. 400 00:25:10,333 --> 00:25:12,417 Christ! 401 00:25:12,500 --> 00:25:13,500 Don't touch it! 402 00:25:14,417 --> 00:25:15,708 Jesus Christ. 403 00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:19,625 Christ is the man we need right now. 404 00:25:19,708 --> 00:25:21,417 - How come? - Carpenter. 405 00:25:22,167 --> 00:25:25,000 Someone who knows how to put a false back on that wardrobe. 406 00:25:25,625 --> 00:25:27,958 - I can do that. - Get on with it, then. 407 00:25:39,375 --> 00:25:42,667 - Next up: Communication. - Cut letters out the paper. 408 00:25:42,750 --> 00:25:43,750 No, do that, 409 00:25:43,833 --> 00:25:46,518 and you'd be telling them what paper you read, what glue you've got in the house, 410 00:25:46,542 --> 00:25:48,583 whether you use right- or left-handed scissors. 411 00:25:48,667 --> 00:25:50,875 That's three coordinates, and they've got you. 412 00:25:50,958 --> 00:25:53,583 That's why this letter cannot be posted from Newcastle. 413 00:25:53,667 --> 00:25:56,250 "Query not that I have the Goya. 414 00:25:56,333 --> 00:26:00,583 The act is an attempt to pick the pockets of those who love art more than charity." 415 00:26:00,667 --> 00:26:03,083 Bit of Robin Hood. Like that. 416 00:26:03,750 --> 00:26:05,208 - Mam. - Christ. 417 00:26:09,667 --> 00:26:12,500 - How was aunt Betty? - Why are you wearing rubber gloves? 418 00:26:12,583 --> 00:26:14,667 Varnish. Been on the boat. 419 00:26:14,750 --> 00:26:17,208 - Hello, pet. - Oh, you're back. 420 00:26:17,292 --> 00:26:19,250 Didn't bring down the government, then? 421 00:26:19,333 --> 00:26:22,000 Ah, well, I exercised my Democratic right. 422 00:26:22,083 --> 00:26:24,792 Now it's up to them. What matters is I'm back. 423 00:26:24,875 --> 00:26:27,125 So, you'll be going to the Labour exchange. 424 00:26:27,208 --> 00:26:29,583 Tomorrow. First thing. Shall I put the kettle on? 425 00:26:29,667 --> 00:26:32,667 If you think it'll go with your outfit. 426 00:26:32,750 --> 00:26:36,375 So, you're gonna keep your name out of the papers? 427 00:26:36,458 --> 00:26:38,667 Aye, well, there's no reason for me 428 00:26:38,750 --> 00:26:41,167 to be of any interest to the press ever again. 429 00:26:41,250 --> 00:26:43,042 Why are you wearing rubber gloves? 430 00:26:44,083 --> 00:26:45,917 Uh, that blocked drain. 431 00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:47,625 We don't have a blocked drain. 432 00:26:48,250 --> 00:26:49,375 Next door's. 433 00:26:50,083 --> 00:26:52,375 We don't talk to next door. 434 00:26:52,458 --> 00:26:54,125 You've gotta build Bridges. 435 00:27:00,500 --> 00:27:02,500 Paris, Vienna, then London... 436 00:27:02,583 --> 00:27:04,625 - I'm off. - Where to? 437 00:27:04,708 --> 00:27:06,417 Rainbow Rooms. 438 00:27:06,500 --> 00:27:08,958 Why in God's name would you want to go to a club 439 00:27:09,042 --> 00:27:10,684 with music and drinking and girls... 440 00:27:10,708 --> 00:27:12,184 - Take care. - When you could stop in 441 00:27:12,208 --> 00:27:13,750 and watch telly with me and your Mam? 442 00:27:13,833 --> 00:27:15,553 Don't drink too much if you're on that bike. 443 00:27:15,583 --> 00:27:17,101 I'll be careful. See you later, Dad. 444 00:27:17,125 --> 00:27:18,875 - And wear your helmet. - Bye. 445 00:27:24,792 --> 00:27:26,125 Now, then. 446 00:27:26,208 --> 00:27:27,875 Oh, no. What have I done? 447 00:27:27,958 --> 00:27:31,417 Kempton Bunton, I want you to swear to me 448 00:27:31,500 --> 00:27:33,542 that you've given up all your nonsense. 449 00:27:33,625 --> 00:27:34,917 I swear. 450 00:27:35,833 --> 00:27:37,917 - I swear. - Promise. 451 00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:40,125 Dolly, love, I've learnt my lesson. 452 00:27:40,208 --> 00:27:41,500 No more secrets? 453 00:27:41,583 --> 00:27:45,083 Nothing. Rien. Nada. I promise. 454 00:27:46,417 --> 00:27:50,792 Meanwhile, the hunt for the missing Goya portrait continues. 455 00:27:50,875 --> 00:27:53,583 I feel I can profile the thief pretty well. 456 00:27:53,667 --> 00:27:55,750 He's most likely highly physically tuned, 457 00:27:55,833 --> 00:27:58,375 almost certainly a trained commando, 458 00:27:58,458 --> 00:27:59,542 or ex-special forces. 459 00:28:01,708 --> 00:28:04,208 - You all right? - Do you expect the criminals 460 00:28:04,292 --> 00:28:06,208 - to eventually make contact? - Bit of biscuit. 461 00:28:06,292 --> 00:28:09,542 We are expecting some communication from the thieves. 462 00:28:09,625 --> 00:28:11,792 When it comes, we will respond. 463 00:28:15,250 --> 00:28:19,375 You remember fat Stan, track marshal at the dogs? 464 00:28:19,458 --> 00:28:20,458 What? 465 00:28:20,542 --> 00:28:24,833 Well, his brother-in-law, Gert, nice fella, Dutch, 466 00:28:24,917 --> 00:28:28,958 well, he's foreman at this plastics injection moulding plant, 467 00:28:29,042 --> 00:28:31,667 and he said to fat Stan that there's a job going. 468 00:28:31,750 --> 00:28:33,333 But it's 10:00 at night. 469 00:28:34,083 --> 00:28:37,000 - He's on nights. - Who? Gert or Stan? 470 00:28:37,583 --> 00:28:39,458 Stan. I mean Gert. 471 00:28:40,542 --> 00:28:43,833 He's night-shift foreman. At night. 472 00:28:46,667 --> 00:28:49,667 I wouldn't expect I'll be long, but don't wait up. 473 00:28:52,167 --> 00:28:54,000 And as the noose tightens... 474 00:28:54,083 --> 00:28:56,250 - Ta-ra! - Around the gang responsible, 475 00:28:56,333 --> 00:29:00,458 the National Gallery announce a £5,000 reward... 476 00:29:00,542 --> 00:29:02,000 For information. 477 00:29:12,125 --> 00:29:14,458 - How far are you going? - Morecambe Bay. 478 00:29:14,542 --> 00:29:16,833 Morecambe Bay will be just champion. 479 00:29:22,250 --> 00:29:23,958 Would you like a wine gum? 480 00:31:19,125 --> 00:31:20,500 What are you doing? 481 00:31:22,667 --> 00:31:24,042 Have you read this one? 482 00:31:25,625 --> 00:31:28,167 - What's it called? - The girl on the bicycle. 483 00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:32,958 No. And I don't think you should either. 484 00:31:33,042 --> 00:31:36,250 - So you have read it? - He's told me what it's about. 485 00:31:36,333 --> 00:31:37,708 Making money out of our grief. 486 00:31:37,792 --> 00:31:39,667 - It's just writing. - Well, it's wrong. 487 00:31:39,750 --> 00:31:42,625 Well, what else can he do? You'll never talk about it. 488 00:31:42,708 --> 00:31:45,500 What's there to talk about? It's done, isn't it? 489 00:31:47,833 --> 00:31:49,000 She's dead. 490 00:31:57,667 --> 00:31:59,000 I'm back! 491 00:32:06,250 --> 00:32:07,833 Where'd you find that? 492 00:32:07,917 --> 00:32:09,792 In the wardrobe in the back room. 493 00:32:10,417 --> 00:32:12,167 What were you doing in there? 494 00:32:12,250 --> 00:32:13,375 I live here. 495 00:32:26,458 --> 00:32:29,333 They've got that West Side Story on at the ABC, Percy Street. 496 00:32:29,417 --> 00:32:30,500 Do you fancy it tomorrow? 497 00:32:30,583 --> 00:32:33,500 We can't afford to waste money going to the pictures. 498 00:32:45,500 --> 00:32:49,292 It's Romeo and Juliet, but with singing and dancing, 499 00:32:49,375 --> 00:32:52,250 and it's set in New York, not Stratford-upon-Avon. 500 00:32:57,042 --> 00:32:59,292 - How far have you got? - Far enough. 501 00:32:59,375 --> 00:33:00,375 It's not Marian. 502 00:33:00,458 --> 00:33:02,667 There's a girl, dies in a bicycle crash. 503 00:33:02,750 --> 00:33:05,042 That girl's knocked off her bike by a bus in town. 504 00:33:05,125 --> 00:33:07,792 Our Marian came off her bike going downhill in the country. 505 00:33:07,875 --> 00:33:09,715 - Who's read this? - Nobody, I shouldn't think. 506 00:33:09,792 --> 00:33:11,583 I've only sent one copy out. 507 00:33:12,250 --> 00:33:13,500 Who to? 508 00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:15,833 Telly. 509 00:33:17,333 --> 00:33:20,250 So the world and his wife's gonna know. 510 00:33:20,333 --> 00:33:23,083 - You've never let me talk about it. - Grief's private. 511 00:33:23,167 --> 00:33:26,625 I bought her that bike. If I'd got her anything else, she'd still be alive. 512 00:33:26,708 --> 00:33:28,125 Well, she isn't. 513 00:34:12,167 --> 00:34:13,375 Carry on. 514 00:34:13,458 --> 00:34:16,375 Pedal. That's it! Go on! 515 00:34:16,458 --> 00:34:19,042 Keep going! Keep going! 516 00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:22,292 Well done! 517 00:34:25,542 --> 00:34:26,833 He's not a writer. 518 00:34:26,917 --> 00:34:28,792 He has pretensions, but he can't write. 519 00:34:29,458 --> 00:34:31,875 - Where was it posted? - Morecambe. 520 00:34:31,958 --> 00:34:33,917 He's not an educated man. 521 00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:35,875 Could he be Italian? 522 00:34:35,958 --> 00:34:37,833 No. British. Northern. 523 00:34:37,917 --> 00:34:39,458 This comma here tells us a lot. 524 00:34:39,542 --> 00:34:41,042 How do you mean? 525 00:34:41,125 --> 00:34:44,042 It's gratuitous. It evidences poor education. 526 00:34:44,125 --> 00:34:45,958 - He's an autodidact. - A car mechanic? 527 00:34:47,417 --> 00:34:50,333 He's self-taught, over a lifetime. 528 00:34:50,417 --> 00:34:52,208 I'd put him somewhere in his late 503. 529 00:34:52,292 --> 00:34:55,292 So, uh, what's his mental state, then? 530 00:34:56,417 --> 00:35:00,500 "The act is an attempt to pick the pockets of those who love art more than charity." 531 00:35:01,375 --> 00:35:03,875 He's a fantasist who believes he's an idealist. 532 00:35:03,958 --> 00:35:05,542 A kind of Don Quixote. 533 00:35:05,625 --> 00:35:07,917 Oh, the, uh... the windmill fella. 534 00:35:09,042 --> 00:35:12,333 He'll be active in his community, known for his local campaigns. 535 00:35:12,417 --> 00:35:15,458 Parking, litter, pub hours, that sort of thing. 536 00:35:15,542 --> 00:35:17,458 Thank you. That's very helpful. 537 00:35:19,583 --> 00:35:20,750 My pleasure. 538 00:35:22,875 --> 00:35:25,000 - Could someone sign me out? - I wouldn't dare. 539 00:35:25,083 --> 00:35:27,125 You'd be telling everybody what I had for breakfast. 540 00:35:33,750 --> 00:35:36,125 - Nice arse. - You're a married man, reg. 541 00:35:36,208 --> 00:35:38,250 I can look at the menu as long as I eat at home. 542 00:35:38,333 --> 00:35:39,973 So has this fella got the painting, then? 543 00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:42,792 Time-wasting bastard. He's just after the reward. 544 00:35:42,875 --> 00:35:43,875 Yeah. 545 00:35:43,958 --> 00:35:45,583 The Italians still favourite, then? 546 00:35:45,667 --> 00:35:47,708 That's where the clever money is. 547 00:35:58,000 --> 00:36:01,083 - My first day. - Might be your last. 548 00:36:10,458 --> 00:36:11,976 Watch these ones, man. 549 00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:14,417 They're fast. Get three like bricks, yeah? 550 00:36:20,333 --> 00:36:22,583 In the future, they'll have robots doing this. 551 00:36:22,667 --> 00:36:24,625 Yeah, I can't wait. 552 00:36:24,708 --> 00:36:28,833 The likes of me and you will spend our day developing our minds 553 00:36:28,917 --> 00:36:31,083 with literature and orchestra! Concerts. 554 00:36:31,167 --> 00:36:34,042 Look, please, just keep up. 555 00:36:34,125 --> 00:36:36,333 Come on, mind your bloomers. 556 00:36:36,417 --> 00:36:39,497 - It's his first day, Mr Walker. - Ah, well, you can watch it and all. 557 00:36:39,542 --> 00:36:41,792 Still getting used to your lot touching our white loaves. 558 00:36:41,875 --> 00:36:43,583 - Eh? - Yes, Sir. 559 00:36:44,500 --> 00:36:45,500 Come on. 560 00:36:52,083 --> 00:36:53,167 Buggen 561 00:37:05,000 --> 00:37:06,833 'King hell. Nothing. 562 00:37:08,250 --> 00:37:10,000 Don't you want them papers, mister? 563 00:37:10,667 --> 00:37:12,458 No, you have them, bonny lad. 564 00:37:12,542 --> 00:37:14,875 Good firelighters, but you won't find any of them 565 00:37:14,958 --> 00:37:16,625 speaking truth to power. 566 00:37:18,208 --> 00:37:20,208 What you playing, lads? Tip and run? 567 00:37:21,125 --> 00:37:23,417 - Can I have a bowl? - No, you're all right, pops. 568 00:37:41,167 --> 00:37:42,167 Christ. 569 00:37:58,042 --> 00:38:02,208 You are Kempton Bunton and I claim me £5,000 reward. 570 00:38:02,292 --> 00:38:04,333 Daft bugger. I nearly shit myself. 571 00:38:05,125 --> 00:38:06,708 What did you open it up for? 572 00:38:06,792 --> 00:38:10,208 No reaction to my first communication, so I took the ticket off the back, 573 00:38:10,292 --> 00:38:11,917 proof positive that I've got it. 574 00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:14,917 This to the workingman's paper, the Daily Mirror. 575 00:38:15,000 --> 00:38:16,958 Mam. 576 00:38:17,042 --> 00:38:18,643 Quick, quick. Sort this lot out. 577 00:38:18,667 --> 00:38:19,708 What? 578 00:38:27,583 --> 00:38:32,125 and round about 11:00 my idea of heaven is a nice cup of tea I 579 00:38:32,208 --> 00:38:33,851 I like a nice cup of tea... “ 580 00:38:33,875 --> 00:38:35,542 oh, stop it, you daft brush. 581 00:38:35,625 --> 00:38:36,917 Anyhow, it's half-3:00. 582 00:38:37,000 --> 00:38:40,500 You were a beautiful dancer. Graceful, fluid. 583 00:38:40,583 --> 00:38:42,458 - I wasn't that good. - You were that good. 584 00:38:42,542 --> 00:38:44,208 Ginger Rogers of Whitley Bay. 585 00:38:44,292 --> 00:38:46,625 I always said we should have entered them competitions. 586 00:38:46,708 --> 00:38:49,208 - We'd never have won. - Swept the board. 587 00:38:49,292 --> 00:38:50,292 Hmm. 588 00:38:50,375 --> 00:38:53,042 You're looking at Hollisons' new star baker. 589 00:38:53,125 --> 00:38:54,708 Hollisons? I thought it was plastics. 590 00:38:54,792 --> 00:38:57,958 No. I'm Lord Bunton of the baps. Number two oven man. 591 00:38:58,042 --> 00:39:00,708 - Much better. You can't eat plastic. - So will it be regular? 592 00:39:00,792 --> 00:39:04,083 Aye. I've taken to it like a swan to water. 593 00:39:04,167 --> 00:39:06,542 And a free loaf every day. 594 00:39:06,625 --> 00:39:08,958 - Tomorrow, a pork pie. - Pork pie? 595 00:39:09,042 --> 00:39:10,917 - Slightly damaged. - You're slightly damaged. 596 00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:13,542 Today, 14-ounce Danish. 597 00:39:14,208 --> 00:39:16,375 Slightly damaged? 598 00:39:16,458 --> 00:39:19,333 Light and airy, for ladies who are watching their figure. 599 00:39:19,417 --> 00:39:22,559 - Yeah, I'm not, though, am I? - You're better off wobbling than rattling. 600 00:39:50,625 --> 00:39:54,292 Jackie Bunton, is this your idea of a Saturday night out? 601 00:39:54,375 --> 00:39:56,583 Just wait, would you? Come on, follow me. 602 00:39:58,833 --> 00:39:59,875 Jackie... 603 00:40:01,708 --> 00:40:04,333 - What are you doing? - Madam, care to view? 604 00:40:13,375 --> 00:40:14,500 Gosh. 605 00:40:17,542 --> 00:40:18,875 What do you think? 606 00:40:20,375 --> 00:40:21,792 Yours, are they? 607 00:40:22,750 --> 00:40:24,333 One day, aye. 608 00:40:30,167 --> 00:40:31,792 That's what I wanna do. 609 00:40:33,333 --> 00:40:35,125 Build boats like this. 610 00:40:36,125 --> 00:40:37,292 On the Tyne? 611 00:40:37,958 --> 00:40:38,958 Nah. 612 00:40:39,708 --> 00:40:43,417 California, New Zealand, Australia. 613 00:40:45,917 --> 00:40:47,542 You just wanna get away. 614 00:40:53,500 --> 00:40:56,958 Mam wants me to wear a shirt and tie, and Dad wants me to punch the Pope. 615 00:40:57,042 --> 00:40:59,375 What's the Pope done to upset your Dad? 616 00:41:00,417 --> 00:41:03,333 The Pope, Prime Minister... 617 00:41:23,542 --> 00:41:24,875 Dolly, love, 618 00:41:24,958 --> 00:41:28,917 it's bad enough me having to get up at the crack of a sparrow's fart, but you... 619 00:41:29,000 --> 00:41:30,292 Don't mind. 620 00:41:30,375 --> 00:41:34,542 A full English breakfast served by an Irish Rose. 621 00:41:34,625 --> 00:41:36,542 Eat up. You're late. 622 00:41:36,625 --> 00:41:39,750 Oh, that's the shipping ticket that was attached to the back of the Goya. 623 00:41:39,833 --> 00:41:41,708 And he sent it to... 624 00:41:41,792 --> 00:41:43,500 The Daily Mirror, Home Secretary. 625 00:41:43,583 --> 00:41:45,292 So an arrest is imminent? 626 00:41:45,375 --> 00:41:47,542 Uh, not as such. 627 00:41:48,417 --> 00:41:50,875 But we know where this note was posted? 628 00:41:50,958 --> 00:41:53,750 - Oh, central Birmingham. - The Italians? 629 00:41:55,250 --> 00:41:58,917 We're re-evaluating that aspect of the enquiry, Sir. 630 00:41:59,000 --> 00:42:02,583 But we can pinpoint precisely the whereabouts of this person? 631 00:42:03,375 --> 00:42:06,542 Well, Sir, we're pretty sure he resides between Morecambe and Birmingham 632 00:42:06,625 --> 00:42:10,208 and has travelled in that area at some time for work. 633 00:42:10,292 --> 00:42:13,667 So he could be one of about 23 million people? 634 00:42:14,458 --> 00:42:17,167 If he's still in the area, yes, Sir. 635 00:42:19,083 --> 00:42:20,375 "The Duke is safe," 636 00:42:20,458 --> 00:42:22,958 his temperature cared for, his future uncertain. 637 00:42:23,042 --> 00:42:25,708 We ask that some nonconformist type of person 638 00:42:25,792 --> 00:42:27,792 with the sportitude of a Billy Butlin 639 00:42:27,875 --> 00:42:30,333 "and the fearless fortitude of a Montgomery..." 640 00:42:30,417 --> 00:42:33,417 Sportitude, fortitude. The man's a bloody poet. 641 00:42:33,500 --> 00:42:36,208 Perhaps we can lock W. H. Auden up at last. 642 00:42:36,292 --> 00:42:38,625 What's he actually asking for? 643 00:42:41,750 --> 00:42:45,250 £140,000, Home Secretary. 644 00:42:45,333 --> 00:42:47,708 Good grief. For what? 645 00:42:47,792 --> 00:42:50,000 Charity. As yet unspecified. 646 00:42:50,583 --> 00:42:52,125 Clearly a lunatic. 647 00:42:52,208 --> 00:42:54,250 Well, we will, of course, follow any credible... 648 00:42:54,333 --> 00:42:56,000 - Be quiet, MacPherson. - Sir. 649 00:42:56,083 --> 00:42:58,750 Gentlemen, I'm fully prepared for martyrdom, 650 00:42:58,833 --> 00:43:00,958 but I would rather like it delayed. 651 00:43:01,042 --> 00:43:03,417 And you chaps, I believe, need to keep your jobs. 652 00:43:03,500 --> 00:43:05,250 So we'll meet again in 48 hours 653 00:43:05,333 --> 00:43:08,833 when you will tell me of the very significant progress you have made 654 00:43:08,917 --> 00:43:12,292 in solving this extremely serious crime. 655 00:43:12,375 --> 00:43:13,958 Yes, Home Secretary. 656 00:43:32,292 --> 00:43:33,417 I'm back. 657 00:43:35,208 --> 00:43:37,333 Where have you been? 658 00:43:38,583 --> 00:43:41,875 Large white sliced. Slightly damaged. 659 00:43:46,042 --> 00:43:47,583 This came for you. 660 00:43:51,333 --> 00:43:53,333 The BBC. The play. 661 00:43:53,875 --> 00:43:56,167 The one that's not about the accident. 662 00:43:56,250 --> 00:43:58,583 They'll be wanting me to go down to London 663 00:43:59,208 --> 00:44:00,792 to supervise the production. 664 00:44:04,125 --> 00:44:06,375 "Thank you for giving the drama department" 665 00:44:06,458 --> 00:44:09,625 the opportunity of reading your intriguing play. 666 00:44:10,500 --> 00:44:13,875 Unfortunately, it is difficult to find an audience 667 00:44:13,958 --> 00:44:15,917 "for plays about grief." 668 00:44:20,125 --> 00:44:22,292 Whoever they get to read plays can't be writers, 669 00:44:22,375 --> 00:44:23,875 that's all I can say. 670 00:44:26,583 --> 00:44:28,250 Well, whoever they are, 671 00:44:29,500 --> 00:44:31,542 well, maybe it's best they've said no. 672 00:44:44,542 --> 00:44:46,167 What's for tea? 673 00:44:46,250 --> 00:44:48,292 - Sausage and mash. - Grand. 674 00:44:49,500 --> 00:44:50,750 Prial of Kings. 675 00:44:52,333 --> 00:44:53,417 Akqua. 676 00:44:54,750 --> 00:44:56,708 What a steaming pile of shite. 677 00:44:59,583 --> 00:45:02,125 - Prial of Aces. - What? No. 678 00:45:02,208 --> 00:45:03,958 There he is. 679 00:45:04,625 --> 00:45:08,542 I might have known. Mr Akram. You still on paki time, are you? 680 00:45:08,625 --> 00:45:10,559 - No, Sir. - You've had your ten minutes. 681 00:45:10,583 --> 00:45:12,667 - Sorry, Sir. - Let him finish the game. 682 00:45:12,750 --> 00:45:13,750 You what? 683 00:45:13,833 --> 00:45:15,559 Me and Javid broke at the same time. 684 00:45:15,583 --> 00:45:17,125 Kempton, please, it don't matter. 685 00:45:17,208 --> 00:45:20,375 It does matter. We get a 15-minute break and we've only had nine minutes of it. 686 00:45:20,458 --> 00:45:21,976 You don't understand. It's different for me... 687 00:45:22,000 --> 00:45:24,875 Are you accusing me of racialist discrimination? 688 00:45:24,958 --> 00:45:26,250 No, no, no, no, no. 689 00:45:26,333 --> 00:45:28,583 Hey, hey. I like pakis, me. 690 00:45:28,667 --> 00:45:30,292 I mean, if it wasn't for your lot, 691 00:45:30,375 --> 00:45:33,917 well, I wouldn't be able to get a pint of milk on a Christmas morning, eh? 692 00:45:35,375 --> 00:45:37,083 I going back up now, Sir. 693 00:45:37,792 --> 00:45:39,042 Sit down, Bunton. 694 00:45:40,292 --> 00:45:41,708 You can finish your game. 695 00:45:41,792 --> 00:45:44,417 "I will not let anyone walk through my mind 696 00:45:44,500 --> 00:45:45,917 with their dirty feet." 697 00:45:46,000 --> 00:45:47,542 Mahatma Gandhi. 698 00:45:51,667 --> 00:45:54,958 Well, that is brilliant, that is. 699 00:45:56,333 --> 00:45:57,958 I'll tell you what, Bunton. 700 00:45:58,042 --> 00:46:00,667 Get your card, clock off and fuck off. 701 00:46:01,833 --> 00:46:04,083 You can have as long a break as you want then. 702 00:46:15,292 --> 00:46:17,583 Can I have one of them pork pies, please, pet? 703 00:46:17,667 --> 00:46:19,458 Yeah, one pork pie. Anything else? 704 00:46:19,542 --> 00:46:20,792 No, thank you. 705 00:46:22,417 --> 00:46:24,917 Uh, can you just damage it a bit, please? 706 00:46:25,792 --> 00:46:26,792 Damage it? 707 00:46:26,875 --> 00:46:28,917 Just chip a bit of pastry off the side. 708 00:46:30,250 --> 00:46:32,500 - Uh, I can. - Thank you. 709 00:46:40,875 --> 00:46:42,042 Rag and bone! 710 00:46:50,500 --> 00:46:52,792 Just a pub. A stupid, petty crime. 711 00:46:58,542 --> 00:46:59,792 Where were you? 712 00:47:00,500 --> 00:47:02,333 So what's your answer to that, then? 713 00:47:07,250 --> 00:47:08,417 What you doing here? 714 00:47:08,500 --> 00:47:10,542 Stopping over for a couple of nights, Dad. 715 00:47:10,625 --> 00:47:13,375 - This is Pammy. - Hiya, Mr Bunton. 716 00:47:14,000 --> 00:47:16,917 - What do you want? - Talking to your lad. 717 00:47:17,000 --> 00:47:20,083 - In a bedroom? - Well, when we knocked on the front door, 718 00:47:20,167 --> 00:47:23,042 Pamela here didn't seem to think your Kenny was at home. 719 00:47:23,125 --> 00:47:25,333 But would you believe it, we found him up here. 720 00:47:25,417 --> 00:47:27,958 - Shall we all go downstairs? - We're all right. 721 00:47:28,917 --> 00:47:32,458 Kenny should have given evidence yesterday at Leeds crown court. 722 00:47:32,542 --> 00:47:34,042 But he did a runner. 723 00:47:34,125 --> 00:47:36,625 - What you done, Kenneth? - Me? Nothing. 724 00:47:36,708 --> 00:47:38,667 They want me to grass up a pal of mine. 725 00:47:39,417 --> 00:47:41,125 You need a witness summons, then. 726 00:47:41,208 --> 00:47:43,625 Has everyone in this family got a law degree? 727 00:47:43,708 --> 00:47:48,000 I'm not legally qualified as such. I'm more a talented amateur. 728 00:47:48,083 --> 00:47:51,500 One witness summons. Leeds crown court. 729 00:47:51,583 --> 00:47:52,833 Thursday. 730 00:47:52,917 --> 00:47:54,167 Thank you. 731 00:47:54,750 --> 00:47:56,542 We'll see ourselves out. 732 00:47:57,042 --> 00:47:58,333 Ta-ra, boys. 733 00:47:58,875 --> 00:48:00,083 Ta-ra. 734 00:48:03,708 --> 00:48:06,042 You can't stay in this room. I write in here. 735 00:48:06,125 --> 00:48:09,083 Well, Mam said it would be all right. 736 00:48:09,167 --> 00:48:11,583 - Where is she? - Shops. I give her some money. 737 00:48:12,125 --> 00:48:14,000 Not enough dinner now we're here. 738 00:48:15,292 --> 00:48:18,292 Dinner's what they have down south. Up here, it's tea. 739 00:48:19,917 --> 00:48:23,292 I'm against hanging on principle, unless it's for something really serious. 740 00:48:23,375 --> 00:48:24,958 That doesn't even make sense. 741 00:48:25,042 --> 00:48:27,917 - Are you saying I'm thick? - You know you're thick. 742 00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:30,375 Kenny's mate stole a car, Dolly. 743 00:48:30,458 --> 00:48:32,250 He won't be hung for that. 744 00:48:32,333 --> 00:48:33,833 - "Hanged." - Huh? 745 00:48:35,667 --> 00:48:37,167 It's "hanged." 746 00:48:42,125 --> 00:48:43,805 I love your toad-in-the-hole, Mam. 747 00:48:43,833 --> 00:48:44,958 Thank you, Jackie. 748 00:48:45,583 --> 00:48:50,208 So, Pamela, what is your current domestic situation? 749 00:48:50,292 --> 00:48:51,583 Give it a rest, Mam. 750 00:48:51,667 --> 00:48:53,500 I work for Mrs Gowling. 751 00:48:53,583 --> 00:48:56,917 That's the wife of Councillor Gowling. You may have heard of him. 752 00:48:57,000 --> 00:48:58,309 And what's it got to do with him? 753 00:48:58,333 --> 00:48:59,976 It's the difference between right and wrong. 754 00:49:00,000 --> 00:49:01,500 Dad. 755 00:49:01,583 --> 00:49:02,851 I agree with your mother. 756 00:49:02,875 --> 00:49:05,500 It would be wrong for you two to be living in sin under our roof. 757 00:49:06,083 --> 00:49:08,958 What's happened to you? You'll be voting Tory next. 758 00:49:12,333 --> 00:49:14,375 Play for today's on in five minutes. 759 00:49:15,583 --> 00:49:16,833 We can't get BBC. 760 00:49:17,542 --> 00:49:18,583 Why not? 761 00:49:18,667 --> 00:49:20,417 Dad took the band-one coil out. 762 00:49:20,500 --> 00:49:23,875 If you can't get the BBC, you don't have to have a licence. 763 00:49:23,958 --> 00:49:26,375 But you've got one sellotaped to the side of your television. 764 00:49:26,458 --> 00:49:28,875 - No, we haven't. - That's mine. 765 00:49:30,208 --> 00:49:31,833 What did you do that for? 766 00:49:32,625 --> 00:49:34,125 To be normal. 767 00:49:34,208 --> 00:49:35,708 Just fit the gizmo back in, then. 768 00:49:37,208 --> 00:49:38,792 Dad's lost the coil. 769 00:49:38,875 --> 00:49:42,208 So you pay for a television licence and you still can't receive BBC? 770 00:49:42,292 --> 00:49:43,893 Oh, we don't like play for today. 771 00:49:43,917 --> 00:49:46,958 It's just an excuse for a lot of bad behaviour. 772 00:49:50,833 --> 00:49:52,667 Have you set your alarm, love? 773 00:49:53,167 --> 00:49:54,333 What for? 774 00:49:54,417 --> 00:49:56,792 Aren't you 6:00 to 2:00 tomorrow? 775 00:49:56,875 --> 00:49:58,375 Aye, aye, you're right. 776 00:49:59,958 --> 00:50:01,083 Belt and braces. 777 00:50:01,167 --> 00:50:02,809 Sandwich loaf tomorrow, if you can manage. 778 00:50:02,833 --> 00:50:03,750 No problem. 779 00:50:03,833 --> 00:50:05,513 No, I'm not! Oh, will you piss off! 780 00:50:05,583 --> 00:50:06,833 Language! 781 00:50:07,375 --> 00:50:09,583 She's got a nerve. 782 00:50:09,667 --> 00:50:11,875 Count your blessings they're only arguing. 783 00:50:17,875 --> 00:50:21,333 Meet the quality street gang sizing up the works of art. 784 00:50:21,417 --> 00:50:25,583 The boss. Very smooth, but inside he's a hard nut. 785 00:50:25,667 --> 00:50:27,417 And fingers. Slim, elegant fingers. 786 00:50:27,500 --> 00:50:28,667 Everything he touches... 787 00:50:29,833 --> 00:50:33,083 It must have been a great source of anxiety to the National Gallery staff. 788 00:50:33,167 --> 00:50:35,750 Have you, in fact, ever had a painting stolen before? 789 00:50:35,833 --> 00:50:37,208 Never, never. 790 00:50:47,500 --> 00:50:48,750 Ta. 791 00:50:48,833 --> 00:50:51,143 - About the thieves themselves? - Well, we don't think 792 00:50:51,167 --> 00:50:54,042 that they were professional criminals in the strict sense... 793 00:50:54,542 --> 00:50:56,083 - Doll? - What? 794 00:50:56,167 --> 00:50:58,042 Misguided people... 795 00:50:58,125 --> 00:50:59,125 What? 796 00:50:59,208 --> 00:51:00,934 They spoke of, uh, charity in their note. 797 00:51:00,958 --> 00:51:01,958 Nothing. 798 00:51:02,042 --> 00:51:04,958 The best form of charity they could do would be to return the picture... 799 00:51:28,167 --> 00:51:30,042 Oh, yeah. 800 00:51:31,458 --> 00:51:33,042 You like that, all I'll say. 801 00:51:42,958 --> 00:51:44,583 Shh. 802 00:51:51,833 --> 00:51:53,042 I need a piss. 803 00:51:53,625 --> 00:51:55,625 And I thought you were Cary Grant. 804 00:52:37,000 --> 00:52:38,833 - You beauty. - Dad! 805 00:52:38,917 --> 00:52:41,625 Three horse accumulator! Twenty quid! 806 00:52:41,708 --> 00:52:44,375 The mirror. They're making you an offer. 807 00:52:46,917 --> 00:52:49,167 I give them the painting, they put on an exhibition, 808 00:52:49,250 --> 00:52:50,792 charge the public to see the Duke 809 00:52:50,875 --> 00:52:52,917 and give me the proceeds. Bingo! 810 00:52:53,417 --> 00:52:54,917 How much will an exhibition raise? 811 00:52:55,000 --> 00:52:57,833 30,000... 50,000. Who knows? 812 00:52:57,917 --> 00:53:00,583 The painting's not been out the news, has it? 813 00:53:00,667 --> 00:53:04,375 I'll be able to pay for God knows how many TV licences. 814 00:53:05,042 --> 00:53:07,458 You're not really gonna use it all on telly licences? 815 00:53:07,542 --> 00:53:09,708 - Why not? - Just saying. 816 00:53:09,792 --> 00:53:11,750 Who couldn't make use of a couple of grand? 817 00:53:11,833 --> 00:53:14,667 - You think Robin hood took a rake-off? - Aye. 818 00:53:14,750 --> 00:53:16,667 Jackie. Robin hood? 819 00:53:17,292 --> 00:53:19,083 What if they're in it with the coppers? 820 00:53:19,167 --> 00:53:20,625 You give them the painting, 821 00:53:20,708 --> 00:53:22,583 they don't cough up and they shop you. 822 00:53:23,125 --> 00:53:24,292 The mirror? 823 00:53:25,042 --> 00:53:27,250 This is the workers' paper, Jackie lad. 824 00:53:27,333 --> 00:53:29,167 How are you gonna get them the painting? 825 00:53:29,792 --> 00:53:32,667 Well, I'll worry about that tomorrow. Tonight, celebration. 826 00:53:32,750 --> 00:53:34,208 Fish supper, family outing. 827 00:53:34,292 --> 00:53:36,083 No, but, Dad, Irene's coming round. 828 00:53:36,708 --> 00:53:38,833 The more the merrier. Bring her along. 829 00:53:39,833 --> 00:53:41,292 80, Mrs Bunton, 830 00:53:41,375 --> 00:53:43,333 how did you and Mr Bunton meet? 831 00:53:43,417 --> 00:53:45,333 In his mother's pub in Tynemouth. 832 00:53:45,417 --> 00:53:47,500 He wiped me table four times. 833 00:53:47,583 --> 00:53:49,875 It worked. You came back. 834 00:53:49,958 --> 00:53:52,250 When she saw he was sweet on me, his mother said, 835 00:53:52,333 --> 00:53:54,000 "some of his faults are good faults." 836 00:53:54,083 --> 00:53:56,351 Why can't we go to the seaside? 837 00:53:56,375 --> 00:53:57,375 How far's Tynemouth? 838 00:53:57,458 --> 00:54:00,258 Ah, you wouldn't wanna be dragged by your balls from here to Tynemouth. 839 00:54:00,292 --> 00:54:02,458 Kenneth, language. 840 00:54:02,542 --> 00:54:05,292 Irene's new to the family, and she hasn't been married. 841 00:54:05,375 --> 00:54:08,458 No, I'm still looking for me prince charming. 842 00:54:08,542 --> 00:54:10,375 Good luck finding him in Benwell. 843 00:54:10,458 --> 00:54:13,208 - Benwell village. - Oh, you're so posh, Mam. 844 00:54:13,917 --> 00:54:15,583 Here, we'll carry you. 845 00:54:15,667 --> 00:54:17,208 No, don't! Oh, my God! 846 00:54:18,458 --> 00:54:20,309 - Carriage for the queen! - Stop it. 847 00:54:20,333 --> 00:54:21,792 You're daft in the head. 848 00:54:21,875 --> 00:54:24,333 Make way for the queen! Here she is. 849 00:54:24,417 --> 00:54:26,817 Go on, Queen of Benwell village! Come on, wave to the public. 850 00:54:26,958 --> 00:54:29,042 J“ I have loved you more each day j“ 851 00:54:29,125 --> 00:54:32,417 walking back to happiness, woopah... 852 00:54:32,500 --> 00:54:35,667 Four pie and chips, two COD and chips, mushy peas, three, 853 00:54:35,750 --> 00:54:37,542 and two pots of tea, please. 854 00:54:37,625 --> 00:54:39,268 - Four pie and chips... - Hello, pet. 855 00:54:39,292 --> 00:54:40,833 Two COD and chips, three mushy peas 856 00:54:40,917 --> 00:54:42,768 - and two pots of tea. - I'm going for a piss. 857 00:54:42,792 --> 00:54:44,472 On second thoughts, I'd prefer a lemonade. 858 00:54:44,500 --> 00:54:47,208 - And a lemonade, please, pet. - And a lemonade! 859 00:54:47,292 --> 00:54:49,250 - Anything else? - What you gonna do with it? 860 00:54:49,333 --> 00:54:50,375 - What? - The painting. 861 00:54:51,917 --> 00:54:53,750 - What painting? - Oh, I don't know. 862 00:54:53,833 --> 00:54:57,250 The painting of the Duke of Wellington by Francisco José de Goya. 863 00:54:59,667 --> 00:55:00,708 What are you suggesting? 864 00:55:00,792 --> 00:55:02,958 I'm suggesting that if you were to move the painting 865 00:55:03,042 --> 00:55:05,250 somewhere neutral, safe, out the house, 866 00:55:05,333 --> 00:55:09,208 I could tell the authorities where it is and we could split the 5,000 reward. 867 00:55:09,833 --> 00:55:13,625 - Or? - Or you can hang on to it, 868 00:55:13,708 --> 00:55:15,458 and one day some very public-minded citizen 869 00:55:15,542 --> 00:55:17,667 tells the police everything and gets all the money. 870 00:55:17,750 --> 00:55:19,351 But we wouldn't want that to happen, would we? 871 00:55:19,375 --> 00:55:22,667 Because I like you, and you would have to go to prison. 872 00:55:22,750 --> 00:55:25,208 - Two and a half thousand? - Each. 873 00:55:25,292 --> 00:55:26,875 I can't do what I need to do 874 00:55:26,958 --> 00:55:28,976 - with two and a half grand. - What do you wanna do? 875 00:55:29,000 --> 00:55:31,208 - Help people. - Oh, help yourself, more like. 876 00:55:32,375 --> 00:55:35,000 - Are you short of money? - Who isn't? 877 00:55:35,083 --> 00:55:37,333 four specials, four COD and chips, 878 00:55:37,417 --> 00:55:38,417 two mushy peas... 879 00:55:39,750 --> 00:55:41,292 She knows about it. 880 00:55:41,375 --> 00:55:42,375 What? 881 00:55:42,458 --> 00:55:43,583 The Duke. 882 00:55:44,083 --> 00:55:45,250 - Who? Mam? - Pammy. 883 00:55:45,333 --> 00:55:47,393 She's after the reward money. She wants to split it with me. 884 00:55:47,417 --> 00:55:49,667 - But what about the mirror offer? - I know. I know. 885 00:55:49,750 --> 00:55:51,792 But if she goes to the police now, we're done for. 886 00:55:51,875 --> 00:55:54,458 If I take it back tonight, maybe they'll go easy on me. 887 00:55:56,583 --> 00:55:58,917 - Well, what'll you tell Mam? - What can I tell her? 888 00:55:59,000 --> 00:56:01,375 Here, I'm gonna slip back. Keep them entertained. 889 00:56:01,458 --> 00:56:02,851 What am I supposed to do? You can't... 890 00:56:02,875 --> 00:56:04,792 I don't know. Take them to the green tree. 891 00:56:16,250 --> 00:56:17,417 Kempton? 892 00:56:38,833 --> 00:56:39,833 I can explain. 893 00:56:44,917 --> 00:56:46,292 Oh, my good God. 894 00:56:53,583 --> 00:56:55,000 It was you? 895 00:56:56,875 --> 00:56:58,625 You stole the painting? 896 00:56:58,708 --> 00:57:00,667 It's not theft for money. 897 00:57:00,750 --> 00:57:03,542 It's, you know, for the campaign. 898 00:57:06,333 --> 00:57:07,708 You're a madman. 899 00:57:08,958 --> 00:57:10,375 I'm living with a madman. 900 00:57:11,750 --> 00:57:13,292 But you swore to me. You promised. 901 00:57:13,375 --> 00:57:16,375 - If you've involved our Jackie... - Jackie's had nothing to do with it. 902 00:57:16,458 --> 00:57:18,143 Well, why's he wearing rubber gloves half the time? 903 00:57:18,167 --> 00:57:20,583 - He helped me build the panel. - So he is involved? 904 00:57:20,667 --> 00:57:24,042 He hasn't touched the painting, not without rubber gloves on. 905 00:57:25,292 --> 00:57:27,458 - I'm shaking. - It's the shock. 906 00:57:27,542 --> 00:57:30,500 Shock, yes. I'm shocked there's a stolen masterpiece in me wardrobe. 907 00:57:30,583 --> 00:57:31,792 I'm taking it back. 908 00:57:32,333 --> 00:57:34,292 Anything else I need to know? 909 00:57:35,125 --> 00:57:37,750 - I lost me job at the bakery. - Oh, there's a surprise. 910 00:57:37,833 --> 00:57:40,542 I stood up against racial bigotry. 911 00:57:40,625 --> 00:57:42,345 - Well done. - Someone had to say something. 912 00:57:42,417 --> 00:57:44,417 Yes, and he's called Martin Luther-bloody-king, 913 00:57:44,500 --> 00:57:45,917 not Kempton Bunton. 914 00:57:46,000 --> 00:57:50,250 You swore you'd get a job. We had an agreement. 915 00:57:50,792 --> 00:57:52,250 You lied. 916 00:57:52,833 --> 00:57:55,292 You lied. You lied when you said all this would stop. 917 00:57:55,375 --> 00:57:57,333 You don't care, do you? No, no, no, it's just... 918 00:57:57,417 --> 00:58:00,083 Just me, me, me, isn't it? No one else exists. 919 00:58:01,583 --> 00:58:03,583 Pammy knows I've got it. 920 00:58:04,583 --> 00:58:05,792 Oh, heavens. 921 00:58:05,875 --> 00:58:08,333 There's a reward. 5,000. She's after the money. 922 00:58:08,417 --> 00:58:09,625 So then if... 923 00:58:09,708 --> 00:58:11,668 - She'll go to the police. - It's possible, but... 924 00:58:11,750 --> 00:58:13,750 - And they'll come here. - Only if it's... 925 00:58:13,833 --> 00:58:15,667 In the street! 926 00:58:15,750 --> 00:58:18,583 - They'll drag you out in handcuffs! - Listen. Listen, calm down. 927 00:58:18,667 --> 00:58:20,000 I can't calm down! 928 00:58:20,083 --> 00:58:21,583 I'm at top pitch! 929 00:58:21,667 --> 00:58:25,208 I'm taking the painting back to London tonight quietly. 930 00:58:25,292 --> 00:58:28,208 That would be the best thing for us. For all of us. 931 00:58:28,292 --> 00:58:30,167 I might have to do a bit of time... 932 00:58:30,250 --> 00:58:33,000 It's a £140,000 painting. You'll do life! 933 00:58:33,083 --> 00:58:34,583 No, love, it's not like that. 934 00:58:34,667 --> 00:58:38,792 I was gonna use it for, you know, the greater good of mankind. 935 00:58:38,875 --> 00:58:41,583 Mankind! What about your own kind? 936 00:58:41,667 --> 00:58:44,750 You've broken this family. You're disgusting. 937 00:58:45,250 --> 00:58:48,500 Get out, you bastard. Just go... get out! 938 00:58:59,833 --> 00:59:03,375 Dad! Dad, I'm coming with you. 939 00:59:03,458 --> 00:59:04,958 No, you're not. This is my thing. 940 00:59:05,042 --> 00:59:06,601 - No, but, Dad... - Nothing to do with you. 941 00:59:06,625 --> 00:59:08,458 Now, stay and look after your mother. 942 00:59:59,208 --> 01:00:00,667 Excuse me, Sir. 943 01:00:01,458 --> 01:00:03,292 Are you taking one of our paintings? 944 01:00:04,417 --> 01:00:06,708 No, son. I'm bringing one back. 945 01:00:08,750 --> 01:00:11,167 meanwhile, in an unexpected development, 946 01:00:11,250 --> 01:00:15,042 Goya's portrait of the Duke of Wellington has been returned, by hand, 947 01:00:15,125 --> 01:00:16,250 to where it was stolen 948 01:00:16,333 --> 01:00:18,293 from London's National Gallery. 949 01:00:18,333 --> 01:00:20,542 At a press conference, an official described 950 01:00:20,625 --> 01:00:23,500 how a member of the public had simply walked in off the streets 951 01:00:23,583 --> 01:00:27,333 with the painting under his arm, wrapped up in a bit of old brown paper. 952 01:00:27,417 --> 01:00:30,458 And when our reporter tried it, nobody batted an eyelid. 953 01:00:30,542 --> 01:00:32,393 Devlin looked down from his bench and said, 954 01:00:32,417 --> 01:00:35,083 "Mr Hutchinson, are you trying to show this court contempt?" 955 01:00:35,167 --> 01:00:37,583 I said, "My Lord, no, I'm actually trying to hide it." 956 01:00:38,750 --> 01:00:41,184 Well, first rule of advocacy: Don't be funnier than the judge. 957 01:00:41,208 --> 01:00:42,208 Yes. 958 01:00:42,292 --> 01:00:44,917 Mr Bunton, I'm your barrister, Jeremy Hutchinson. 959 01:00:45,000 --> 01:00:46,583 Oh, that's a shame. 960 01:00:46,667 --> 01:00:48,747 I thought you were going to offer me a gin and tonic. 961 01:00:49,625 --> 01:00:50,833 Well, I'm out tonight. 962 01:00:50,917 --> 01:00:53,167 My wife is in the cherry orchard. 963 01:00:53,250 --> 01:00:55,833 Playing ranevskaya? Indeed. 964 01:00:56,958 --> 01:00:59,208 Like life, I can never decide if the cherry orchard 965 01:00:59,292 --> 01:01:01,042 is a tragedy or a farce. 966 01:01:01,125 --> 01:01:02,750 You know the play? 967 01:01:02,833 --> 01:01:05,875 It's one of me favourites. I lost a child meself. 968 01:01:06,917 --> 01:01:08,042 I'm sorry. 969 01:01:08,917 --> 01:01:10,083 I'm a playwright. 970 01:01:10,708 --> 01:01:12,958 As a matter of fact, I prefer Chekhov to Shakespeare. 971 01:01:13,042 --> 01:01:15,708 For me, the bard is overfond of his kings. 972 01:01:15,792 --> 01:01:17,667 Eric Crowther. Junior counsel. 973 01:01:17,750 --> 01:01:21,375 Mr Hutchinson's wife is the actress dame Peggy Ashcroft. 974 01:01:21,458 --> 01:01:24,417 - Yes. - Oh. You're a lucky man. 975 01:01:24,500 --> 01:01:25,500 Well... 976 01:01:25,583 --> 01:01:28,000 Court number one, eh? 977 01:01:28,083 --> 01:01:30,083 - Mmm. - The Old Bailey. 978 01:01:30,167 --> 01:01:32,417 The crucible of British criminal justice. 979 01:01:32,500 --> 01:01:35,917 - Dr Crippen. - Derek Bentley. Ruth Ellis. 980 01:01:36,792 --> 01:01:38,917 Well, they were all hung... I mean, hanged. 981 01:01:39,000 --> 01:01:41,667 Well, they didn't have Mr Hutchinson defending them. 982 01:01:42,333 --> 01:01:45,250 - Who's prosecuting? - Neddie Cussen. 983 01:01:46,000 --> 01:01:48,375 - Score's seven to two. - To you? 984 01:01:48,458 --> 01:01:51,667 To him. Yes, born prosecutor, Neddie. 985 01:01:51,750 --> 01:01:54,250 Defendant's always guilty until proven innocent. 986 01:01:54,333 --> 01:01:55,708 Well, can you get me off? 987 01:01:57,625 --> 01:01:58,667 Mr Bunton... 988 01:01:59,792 --> 01:02:02,625 You returned the Goya by hand and confessed to the theft. 989 01:02:02,708 --> 01:02:05,708 You gave the police a detailed explanation of how you stole it 990 01:02:05,792 --> 01:02:07,875 and you've explained your motive. 991 01:02:08,667 --> 01:02:10,167 Can I get you off? 992 01:02:12,750 --> 01:02:14,542 Almost certainly not. 993 01:02:15,500 --> 01:02:17,309 Meanwhile, 994 01:02:17,333 --> 01:02:20,208 Kempton Bunton, the Newcastle man accused of stealing 995 01:02:20,292 --> 01:02:24,292 Goya's portrait of the Duke of Wellington, arrived at the Old Bailey this morning 996 01:02:24,375 --> 01:02:26,542 for the first day of his trial. 997 01:02:26,625 --> 01:02:28,083 And it was quite an entrance. 998 01:02:28,167 --> 01:02:29,809 did you steal the Goya, Mr Bunton? 999 01:02:29,833 --> 01:02:31,292 No, I borrowed it. 1000 01:02:31,792 --> 01:02:34,333 - Why? - For the greater good. 1001 01:02:35,083 --> 01:02:36,500 We can still get there. 1002 01:02:38,958 --> 01:02:41,083 He's made his bed. He can lie in it. 1003 01:02:45,375 --> 01:02:47,175 The rest of the day was taken up 1004 01:02:47,208 --> 01:02:49,458 with empanelling the 12 citizens, 1005 01:02:49,542 --> 01:02:51,458 12 good men and women 1006 01:02:51,542 --> 01:02:54,083 who will tomorrow begin to hear what promises to be 1007 01:02:54,167 --> 01:02:57,000 one of the most eagerly awaited criminal trials 1008 01:02:57,083 --> 01:02:58,250 since the war. 1009 01:02:58,333 --> 01:03:00,875 Another triumph for the Duke of Wellington. 1010 01:03:00,958 --> 01:03:04,750 And as queues begin to gather for access to the public gallery, 1011 01:03:04,833 --> 01:03:08,042 there is no doubt that even by the old Bailey's standards, 1012 01:03:08,125 --> 01:03:11,375 this one looks like being a very hot ticket. 1013 01:03:17,792 --> 01:03:19,512 Are you Kempton Bunton? 1014 01:03:20,417 --> 01:03:23,000 But not named after Kempton racetrack, 1015 01:03:23,083 --> 01:03:25,167 as some would have it. 1016 01:03:25,250 --> 01:03:27,667 Even though it is probable that I was conceived there. 1017 01:03:27,750 --> 01:03:29,500 It's a yes-or-no answer. 1018 01:03:30,083 --> 01:03:31,458 Yes, My Lord. 1019 01:03:31,542 --> 01:03:33,750 Me mother named me after Kempton Cannon, 1020 01:03:33,833 --> 01:03:37,083 the jockey who rode St Amant, the winner of that year's Derby. 1021 01:03:37,958 --> 01:03:41,417 - Do you want me to explain Bunton? - I didn't want you to explain Kempton. 1022 01:03:42,917 --> 01:03:44,375 Charges. 1023 01:03:45,792 --> 01:03:47,417 Kempton Bunton, you are charged 1024 01:03:47,500 --> 01:03:50,792 that on the 21st of march, 1961, 1025 01:03:50,875 --> 01:03:53,292 you stole a picture frame to the value of £80, 1026 01:03:53,375 --> 01:03:55,333 property of the National Gallery. 1027 01:03:55,417 --> 01:03:57,708 How do you plead, guilty or not guilty? 1028 01:03:57,792 --> 01:03:58,875 Not guilty. 1029 01:03:58,958 --> 01:04:02,083 In the second count, you are charged that on the same day, 1030 01:04:02,167 --> 01:04:07,000 you stole from the National Gallery the portrait of the Duke of Wellington 1031 01:04:07,083 --> 01:04:09,625 by the artist Francisco Goya 1032 01:04:09,708 --> 01:04:13,042 to the value of£140,000. 1033 01:04:13,125 --> 01:04:15,208 How do you plead? Guilty or not guilty? 1034 01:04:15,292 --> 01:04:17,167 - Not guilty. - Yes! 1035 01:04:19,250 --> 01:04:21,101 For those unfamiliar with court proceedings, 1036 01:04:21,125 --> 01:04:23,083 that was the plea, not the verdict. 1037 01:04:24,917 --> 01:04:29,083 Kempton Bunton, you are further charged that following the theft of the portrait, 1038 01:04:29,167 --> 01:04:32,333 you made demands with menaces for its return. 1039 01:04:32,417 --> 01:04:34,208 Do you plead guilty or not guilty? 1040 01:04:34,292 --> 01:04:35,500 Not guilty. 1041 01:04:35,583 --> 01:04:37,708 And that you created a public nuisance 1042 01:04:37,792 --> 01:04:41,625 by depriving members of the public of the opportunity to view the portrait. 1043 01:04:41,708 --> 01:04:43,958 Do you plead guilty or not guilty? 1044 01:04:44,042 --> 01:04:45,625 Same again, love. Not guilty. 1045 01:04:47,292 --> 01:04:48,292 Mr Cussen. 1046 01:04:50,125 --> 01:04:51,667 Thank you, My Lord. 1047 01:04:51,750 --> 01:04:55,917 And at 5:00 am, when you returned from your rest break, 1048 01:04:56,000 --> 01:04:57,667 what did you see? 1049 01:04:57,750 --> 01:05:00,083 The painting was gone, Sir. Clearly stolen. 1050 01:05:01,125 --> 01:05:02,542 Thank you. 1051 01:05:02,625 --> 01:05:04,750 Uh, Mr Edbury, if you could remain there, 1052 01:05:04,833 --> 01:05:07,542 my learned friend will have some questions for you. 1053 01:05:09,917 --> 01:05:11,125 Mr Hutchinson. 1054 01:05:13,417 --> 01:05:14,958 No questions, My Lord. 1055 01:05:16,042 --> 01:05:19,375 "The conception, design and execution of this act 1056 01:05:19,458 --> 01:05:22,500 was solely, singularly and entirely my own." 1057 01:05:23,000 --> 01:05:26,708 - And that statement is signed? - Kempton Bunton. 1058 01:05:27,708 --> 01:05:29,583 Thank you, detective inspector. 1059 01:05:29,667 --> 01:05:32,917 If you would stay there, Mr Hutchinson will have some questions for you. 1060 01:05:35,458 --> 01:05:36,958 Mr Hutchinson. 1061 01:05:37,792 --> 01:05:40,542 The defence has no questions for this witness. 1062 01:05:42,250 --> 01:05:44,542 At this rate, we'll be finished by tea. 1063 01:05:45,167 --> 01:05:46,333 And, Dr Unsworth, 1064 01:05:46,417 --> 01:05:48,625 what is your professional opinion of the hand? 1065 01:05:49,458 --> 01:05:53,042 The childlike scrawl across all the ransom notes is, 1066 01:05:53,125 --> 01:05:55,000 when compared to his normal script, 1067 01:05:55,083 --> 01:05:59,000 unequivocally the feebly disguised hand of the accused, Mr Bunton. 1068 01:05:59,083 --> 01:06:02,667 I'm grateful, Dr Unsworth. If you would remain on stand. 1069 01:06:03,500 --> 01:06:05,792 Any cross examination, Mr Hutchinson, 1070 01:06:05,875 --> 01:06:08,083 or are you trying to give it up? 1071 01:06:09,375 --> 01:06:11,175 The defence has no questions for this witness. 1072 01:06:19,708 --> 01:06:22,333 - What are you doing? - The dirt in this house. 1073 01:06:22,417 --> 01:06:23,417 Stop it. 1074 01:06:23,458 --> 01:06:25,309 Someone's gotta keep this place clean. 1075 01:06:25,333 --> 01:06:28,167 Lord knows your father will drag us into the gutter. 1076 01:06:29,667 --> 01:06:30,917 That's not true. 1077 01:06:31,000 --> 01:06:33,417 And it's not Dad's fault Marian died. 1078 01:06:33,500 --> 01:06:35,893 He bought her that bike, so as far as he's concerned, he killed her. 1079 01:06:35,917 --> 01:06:39,417 - Do you think I don't know that? - Well, tell him, then. Talk about it. 1080 01:06:39,500 --> 01:06:42,500 Why do you think he does his plays and his leaflets and petitions? 1081 01:06:42,583 --> 01:06:45,167 - Defend him all you like. - I stole the painting. 1082 01:06:46,333 --> 01:06:48,917 Do you hear me? I stole the Goya. 1083 01:06:50,083 --> 01:06:51,083 What? 1084 01:06:52,625 --> 01:06:55,375 No. No, you didn't take that painting. 1085 01:06:55,458 --> 01:06:58,750 - No, you did not. - Aye. It was me, not Dad. 1086 01:07:00,542 --> 01:07:04,417 Please, no, no, just please tell me you're talking nonsense, Jackie Bunton. 1087 01:07:06,292 --> 01:07:08,167 - Oh, my God, I'm shaking. - Mam. 1088 01:07:08,250 --> 01:07:11,125 - I'm shaking. Look at me. I'm shaking. - I was just... 1089 01:07:11,208 --> 01:07:12,888 Stop it. You're just making yourself shake. 1090 01:07:12,917 --> 01:07:14,042 - No. - Sit down. 1091 01:07:14,125 --> 01:07:15,583 Oh! 1092 01:07:15,667 --> 01:07:16,792 What... 1093 01:07:17,958 --> 01:07:18,958 Well, 1094 01:07:19,625 --> 01:07:21,250 when did you go to London? 1095 01:07:24,417 --> 01:07:26,000 It was that week I took off work. 1096 01:07:26,083 --> 01:07:29,417 But you... you said you went to Leeds. 1097 01:07:30,833 --> 01:07:32,417 You lied. 1098 01:07:32,500 --> 01:07:35,125 I was sick of you skivvying for lady muck. 1099 01:07:35,208 --> 01:07:37,417 Sick of them all laughing at Dad. 1100 01:07:37,500 --> 01:07:40,708 I thought the painting might be like, well, it might change everything. 1101 01:07:40,792 --> 01:07:43,333 So you're a liar and a thief. 1102 01:07:43,417 --> 01:07:46,000 I just thought if he had something them bloody toffs wanted, 1103 01:07:46,083 --> 01:07:48,875 they'd have to listen to, you know, his TV crusade. 1104 01:07:48,958 --> 01:07:51,417 Crusade? Jesus Christ, is he now? 1105 01:07:56,667 --> 01:07:57,792 But how? 1106 01:07:58,458 --> 01:08:00,292 I mean, how did you take it? 1107 01:08:02,458 --> 01:08:03,458 I cased the gallery. 1108 01:08:04,958 --> 01:08:09,042 The Goya was just sat there on an easel, not even a guard standing by it. 1109 01:08:10,667 --> 01:08:13,750 All I had to do was find somewhere I could break in. 1110 01:08:15,333 --> 01:08:16,750 I went to the toilet. 1111 01:08:17,458 --> 01:08:20,250 And I opened the toilet window and leaned out. 1112 01:08:20,917 --> 01:08:25,083 There was a courtyard below with all builders' stuff and ladders. 1113 01:08:26,417 --> 01:08:27,458 Excuse me, mate. 1114 01:08:27,542 --> 01:08:29,976 I went up to the security fella and asked him how you get a job. 1115 01:08:30,000 --> 01:08:31,417 Well, you could try the office. 1116 01:08:31,500 --> 01:08:34,083 Cleaners' work, early mornings. 4:30. 1117 01:08:34,958 --> 01:08:37,375 Get night rates, though. Lucky buggers. 1118 01:08:38,083 --> 01:08:39,458 I was born lucky. 1119 01:08:40,667 --> 01:08:42,250 And then I figured, 1120 01:08:42,750 --> 01:08:46,083 if the cleaners were in at half-4:00, they'd have to turn the alarms off. 1121 01:08:46,667 --> 01:08:48,000 So I went back early morning. 1122 01:08:49,417 --> 01:08:51,708 Put a ladder up just below the toilet window, 1123 01:08:52,833 --> 01:08:54,125 climbed up and... 1124 01:08:54,750 --> 01:08:57,875 I could hear one of them automatic floor polishers. 1125 01:08:59,458 --> 01:09:01,625 So I waited until he'd passed and then I... 1126 01:09:03,750 --> 01:09:05,542 I just walked across the floor. 1127 01:09:05,625 --> 01:09:07,750 Don't suppose you've ever been to Newcastle? 1128 01:09:14,125 --> 01:09:15,875 What did your father say when you told him? 1129 01:09:17,500 --> 01:09:18,875 Fucking hell! 1130 01:09:18,958 --> 01:09:21,792 - What do you think? - I think... fucking hell! 1131 01:09:21,875 --> 01:09:23,208 140 grand. 1132 01:09:23,292 --> 01:09:25,708 If you could sell it, which you can't. 1133 01:09:25,792 --> 01:09:27,458 I know. I'm not daft. 1134 01:09:27,542 --> 01:09:30,417 But for pictures, the insurance will pay out 10% for safe returns. 1135 01:09:30,500 --> 01:09:33,000 - Have you got a screw loose? - Are you angry with us? 1136 01:09:33,083 --> 01:09:36,292 Angry? No, I'm furious, you stupid penis! 1137 01:09:36,375 --> 01:09:38,792 You've nicked the best-known painting on the planet. 1138 01:09:38,875 --> 01:09:40,000 'Kinnell! 1139 01:09:40,083 --> 01:09:42,875 Why can't we use it to get them free telly licences? 1140 01:09:42,958 --> 01:09:44,000 Blackmail the bastards. 1141 01:09:44,083 --> 01:09:47,167 Hold the bugger to ransom to better the lot of the common man? 1142 01:09:48,125 --> 01:09:49,458 One problem. 1143 01:09:51,000 --> 01:09:52,125 What's that? 1144 01:09:52,208 --> 01:09:55,667 Two words. Mrs Dorothy Bunton. 1145 01:09:58,042 --> 01:09:59,375 We'll have to hide it from her. 1146 01:09:59,458 --> 01:10:02,292 You can't hide anything from a woman in her own house. 1147 01:10:02,375 --> 01:10:04,833 No, if she finds it, I stole it. 1148 01:10:04,917 --> 01:10:07,917 - I'm not having you take the blame. - I stole it. 1149 01:10:11,083 --> 01:10:13,417 On the telly, it was in a frame. 1150 01:10:13,500 --> 01:10:15,958 Shit. I took it off. 1151 01:10:16,750 --> 01:10:19,292 I must have left it under the bed in me digs. Sorry. 1152 01:10:19,375 --> 01:10:22,042 You'd lose your balls if they weren't in a bag. 1153 01:10:24,958 --> 01:10:27,167 It's not very good, is it? 1154 01:11:01,958 --> 01:11:06,875 "I do solemnly, sincerely and truly declare and affirm" 1155 01:11:07,375 --> 01:11:12,625 that the evidence I shall give shall be the truth, the whole truth... 1156 01:11:12,708 --> 01:11:14,958 "And nothing but the truth." 1157 01:11:15,042 --> 01:11:17,250 Excuse me. Thank you. 1158 01:11:23,042 --> 01:11:25,125 How old are you, Mr Bunton? 1159 01:11:25,208 --> 01:11:27,583 I don't know. I feel about 23. 1160 01:11:28,833 --> 01:11:30,673 You don't know your date of birth? 1161 01:11:30,708 --> 01:11:32,458 I never had a birth certificate. 1162 01:11:32,542 --> 01:11:33,792 1900, I think. 1163 01:11:33,875 --> 01:11:35,750 Do you know where you were born? 1164 01:11:35,833 --> 01:11:37,417 The back bedroom. 1165 01:11:39,250 --> 01:11:41,170 Of your mother's house in Newcastle? 1166 01:11:41,250 --> 01:11:42,125 Byker. 1167 01:11:42,208 --> 01:11:45,542 If Newcastle was a dog, you lifted its tail, 1168 01:11:45,625 --> 01:11:47,625 that hole there, that's Byker. 1169 01:11:49,833 --> 01:11:54,083 Your father fought in the First World War at Ypres. 1170 01:11:54,167 --> 01:11:56,167 Wipers. He weren't an officer. 1171 01:11:56,750 --> 01:11:58,458 He came back in a wheelchair? 1172 01:11:58,542 --> 01:12:01,083 Aye. Tank ran over his legs. 1173 01:12:01,167 --> 01:12:03,750 How did he feel about the Germans after that? 1174 01:12:03,833 --> 01:12:06,542 Never a bad word. The Germans didn't have tanks. 1175 01:12:06,625 --> 01:12:09,042 You helped him to run his business. 1176 01:12:09,125 --> 01:12:12,042 Aye. He was a street bookie, and I did his running for him. 1177 01:12:12,125 --> 01:12:15,792 It was illegal, but you could bribe the beat Bobby with 12 shillings. 1178 01:12:15,875 --> 01:12:17,035 I was as guilty as anybody... 1179 01:12:17,083 --> 01:12:19,601 And who hasn't been guilty of a youthful indiscretion, 1180 01:12:19,625 --> 01:12:21,000 ladies and gentlemen of the jury? 1181 01:12:21,083 --> 01:12:24,375 The past, as they say, is another country. 1182 01:12:25,000 --> 01:12:29,042 Your father died, and you lived with your mother who ran pubs. 1183 01:12:29,125 --> 01:12:30,792 Aye. It were a rough game, 1184 01:12:30,875 --> 01:12:32,750 but she had a left hook like Henry Cooper's. 1185 01:12:32,833 --> 01:12:35,792 Luckily she didn't cut quite as easy. 1186 01:12:35,875 --> 01:12:37,125 In the Second World War, 1187 01:12:37,208 --> 01:12:39,208 you were refused service on medical grounds. 1188 01:12:39,292 --> 01:12:41,333 I done me bit. I drove lorries. 1189 01:12:41,917 --> 01:12:43,333 You married young? 1190 01:12:43,417 --> 01:12:45,708 - I had to marry. - "Had to marry"? 1191 01:12:46,750 --> 01:12:50,083 It was love. The decision was made for me. 1192 01:12:51,708 --> 01:12:54,333 Did you intend to steal this painting 1193 01:12:54,417 --> 01:12:57,917 in the sense of permanently depriving the gallery of it? 1194 01:12:58,000 --> 01:12:59,000 Never. 1195 01:12:59,625 --> 01:13:02,833 Did you ever demand money with menaces at any time from anyone? 1196 01:13:02,917 --> 01:13:04,167 No, Sir. 1197 01:13:04,250 --> 01:13:07,875 In 1960, did you communicate with the post office 1198 01:13:07,958 --> 01:13:09,708 about your television licence? 1199 01:13:09,792 --> 01:13:11,917 Aye, I told them I had no intention of paying it 1200 01:13:12,000 --> 01:13:13,375 because I couldn't receive BBC. 1201 01:13:13,458 --> 01:13:15,226 You went to prison for not paying it. 1202 01:13:15,250 --> 01:13:16,250 I did. 1203 01:13:16,333 --> 01:13:20,042 On your release, you continued a campaign for free television 1204 01:13:20,125 --> 01:13:22,750 for pensioners and war veterans, is that correct? 1205 01:13:22,833 --> 01:13:26,333 I could afford a licence myself. It was about the principle of the thing. 1206 01:13:26,417 --> 01:13:29,792 All me life I've looked out for other people and got into trouble for it. 1207 01:13:29,875 --> 01:13:32,500 When did that begin, looking out for others? 1208 01:13:33,958 --> 01:13:35,583 I were about 14, 1209 01:13:36,958 --> 01:13:38,333 summer holidays. 1210 01:13:38,417 --> 01:13:42,125 I'd just finished reading Joseph Conrad's Heart of Darkness, 1211 01:13:42,208 --> 01:13:44,625 and I felt a need to explore Sunderland. 1212 01:13:46,500 --> 01:13:50,458 But I got distracted and found myself on south shields beach. 1213 01:13:51,208 --> 01:13:53,833 I chucked myself in the sea to cool down. 1214 01:13:53,917 --> 01:13:56,083 A rip tide dragged me out. 1215 01:13:56,875 --> 01:13:59,667 I was on me own, exhausted, about a mile out, 1216 01:13:59,750 --> 01:14:01,875 and I knew there was no way I'd get back in. 1217 01:14:02,458 --> 01:14:04,083 But I had faith. 1218 01:14:04,167 --> 01:14:06,375 Not in God, but in people. 1219 01:14:07,875 --> 01:14:10,351 I knew some nosy bugger would see a pile of clothes on the beach 1220 01:14:10,375 --> 01:14:12,250 and put two and two together. 1221 01:14:13,458 --> 01:14:16,458 So I trusted in that, and waited. 1222 01:14:18,208 --> 01:14:23,000 Conserved me energy by floating, not swimming. 1223 01:14:24,333 --> 01:14:27,917 Looked at the sky... Smile on me face. 1224 01:14:28,667 --> 01:14:30,458 You could call it trust. 1225 01:14:31,375 --> 01:14:34,625 An hour later, the lifeboat pulled up alongside 1226 01:14:34,708 --> 01:14:36,000 and hauled me in. 1227 01:14:36,083 --> 01:14:41,083 The skipper was a milkman from Blyth, by all accounts, a bit of a bastard. 1228 01:14:42,333 --> 01:14:43,893 Excuse my French. 1229 01:14:43,917 --> 01:14:47,083 But, you know, as a milkman, I mean, but there's good and bad in all of us. 1230 01:14:47,583 --> 01:14:48,833 He saved my life that day. 1231 01:14:48,917 --> 01:14:51,125 Could have been anyone, but I knew someone would. 1232 01:14:51,917 --> 01:14:54,333 I'm not me without you. Do you get me? 1233 01:14:54,417 --> 01:14:57,000 - We all need each other? - No, you are me. 1234 01:14:57,708 --> 01:15:01,625 It's you that makes me me, and it's me that makes you you. 1235 01:15:01,708 --> 01:15:03,625 Humanity is a collective project. 1236 01:15:03,708 --> 01:15:07,167 Look, on me own, I'm a single brick. 1237 01:15:07,250 --> 01:15:08,250 A bit useless. 1238 01:15:09,000 --> 01:15:10,958 What good's a brick on its tod? 1239 01:15:11,042 --> 01:15:13,667 But you put a load of bricks together, you get a building. 1240 01:15:13,750 --> 01:15:16,125 You build a building, you create a shadow. 1241 01:15:16,208 --> 01:15:18,292 Already you've changed the world. 1242 01:15:18,375 --> 01:15:20,875 Your philosophy, I think it earns the appellation. 1243 01:15:20,958 --> 01:15:24,542 How did you apply this thinking to your own struggle? 1244 01:15:26,250 --> 01:15:29,625 You can't help the dead, but you can be inspired by them. 1245 01:15:29,708 --> 01:15:32,184 Some of them kids that this country sent out to France and Belgium 1246 01:15:32,208 --> 01:15:34,250 in 1914 came back. 1247 01:15:34,333 --> 01:15:35,625 They're over 65 now, 1248 01:15:35,708 --> 01:15:38,417 pensioners with not two pennies to rub together. 1249 01:15:38,500 --> 01:15:40,250 And isolation, 1250 01:15:40,333 --> 01:15:42,792 or not being connected, to use the modern lingo, 1251 01:15:42,875 --> 01:15:44,250 is no kind of life. 1252 01:15:44,333 --> 01:15:46,500 So what you grandly call my philosophy, 1253 01:15:46,583 --> 01:15:48,292 the "I'm you and you're me" thing, 1254 01:15:48,375 --> 01:15:52,875 tells me that every time someone gets cut off from the rest of us, 1255 01:15:52,958 --> 01:15:56,750 this nation, this country, becomes a foot shorter. 1256 01:16:11,667 --> 01:16:15,333 Mr Bunton, I suspect the jury are asking themselves 1257 01:16:15,417 --> 01:16:18,833 how any of this applies to the theft of the Goya. 1258 01:16:18,917 --> 01:16:21,292 - Well, I saw on the news... - The ITV news? 1259 01:16:22,542 --> 01:16:23,708 Very good. 1260 01:16:23,792 --> 01:16:28,583 I seen that the government was paying out £140,000 for this painting. 1261 01:16:28,667 --> 01:16:30,250 That, for me, became about numbers. 1262 01:16:30,333 --> 01:16:34,500 If you put all that money into a bank account earning 10% interest, 1263 01:16:34,583 --> 01:16:39,167 you could pay for 3,500 TV licences a year 1264 01:16:39,250 --> 01:16:41,083 and reconnect with all them people. 1265 01:16:49,875 --> 01:16:51,583 No further questions, My Lord. 1266 01:17:09,958 --> 01:17:15,417 You saw the painting on the ITV news, and realising it was worth £140,000, 1267 01:17:15,500 --> 01:17:20,292 you decide to come down to London to steal it for personal gain, didn't you? 1268 01:17:20,375 --> 01:17:22,583 I thought I'd kidnap it for a while, aye. 1269 01:17:24,333 --> 01:17:28,000 Where did you stay whilst you planned the heist? 1270 01:17:28,083 --> 01:17:30,083 I took digs near a bucket shop. 1271 01:17:30,792 --> 01:17:32,250 What's a bucket shop? 1272 01:17:32,333 --> 01:17:35,458 A shop that sells buckets. 1273 01:17:35,542 --> 01:17:37,042 Was that deliberate? 1274 01:17:37,125 --> 01:17:39,625 - No, but it came in useful. - In what way? 1275 01:17:39,708 --> 01:17:42,333 Well, this isn't my city, is it? I don't know my way around. 1276 01:17:42,417 --> 01:17:45,458 So I'd get to Camden and ask a local, "do you know where I can buy a bucket?" 1277 01:17:45,542 --> 01:17:47,167 And that way you would get directions? 1278 01:17:47,250 --> 01:17:49,458 Everyone knows where you can buy a bucket. 1279 01:17:50,917 --> 01:17:53,250 Do you know the address of the shop? 1280 01:17:53,958 --> 01:17:57,125 Why? Do you need a bucket? 1281 01:17:57,958 --> 01:17:59,625 We... no, we need... we... 1282 01:17:59,708 --> 01:18:01,542 Excuse me. We need the address 1283 01:18:01,625 --> 01:18:03,305 because you said that you removed the frame 1284 01:18:03,375 --> 01:18:05,667 and hid it under the bed in your lodgings. 1285 01:18:05,750 --> 01:18:07,500 So is the bucket shop still there? 1286 01:18:07,583 --> 01:18:10,542 I've no idea. I've not been back. I'm not short of buckets meself. 1287 01:18:10,625 --> 01:18:13,917 Mr Bunton, you are on trial. 1288 01:18:14,000 --> 01:18:16,125 This is not an audition for a music hall. 1289 01:18:16,208 --> 01:18:17,583 Sorry, My Lord. 1290 01:18:24,292 --> 01:18:27,042 What am I looking at? Ten years? 1291 01:18:28,333 --> 01:18:32,458 I'll make my closing speech, and then the judge will give his summing-up, 1292 01:18:32,542 --> 01:18:37,333 which, I warn you, may sound a bit like the second speech for the prosecution. 1293 01:18:38,250 --> 01:18:41,583 All the benches up there have this Latin phrase on them. 1294 01:18:41,667 --> 01:18:44,125 "Domine dirige nos." 1295 01:18:44,208 --> 01:18:45,250 "Lord, direct us." 1296 01:18:45,833 --> 01:18:48,000 God help us, more like. 1297 01:18:50,708 --> 01:18:52,548 Well, I'll give you two sometime. 1298 01:18:52,583 --> 01:18:53,958 Please. 1299 01:19:04,375 --> 01:19:06,917 - Well, you're all over the papers. - Am I? 1300 01:19:09,958 --> 01:19:11,667 You could have told me. 1301 01:19:11,750 --> 01:19:13,500 We could have dealt with it together. 1302 01:19:15,208 --> 01:19:16,333 Could we? 1303 01:19:22,333 --> 01:19:23,917 I read the rest of your play. 1304 01:19:24,500 --> 01:19:27,000 I'm sorry you felt you were to blame. You're not. 1305 01:19:33,375 --> 01:19:35,000 I went to see her. 1306 01:19:37,333 --> 01:19:39,750 - Nice spot, isn't it? - Uh-huh. Lovely. 1307 01:19:43,208 --> 01:19:46,125 - Cleaned it up a bit. - I like the wildness. 1308 01:19:47,208 --> 01:19:50,042 - She died in the country. - Any excuse to do nothing. 1309 01:19:56,667 --> 01:19:58,417 How long will you get? 1310 01:19:58,500 --> 01:19:59,625 I don't know. 1311 01:20:00,750 --> 01:20:01,750 Ten years. 1312 01:20:06,750 --> 01:20:08,375 You didn't take the painting. 1313 01:20:09,958 --> 01:20:12,167 Would you rather Jackie was in the dock? 1314 01:20:15,333 --> 01:20:16,958 I'm sorry, Dolly. 1315 01:20:19,000 --> 01:20:20,958 It's a mess. 1316 01:20:25,667 --> 01:20:27,292 It's a mess, all right. 1317 01:20:37,583 --> 01:20:41,292 As night follows day, Kempton Bunton stole the Goya. 1318 01:20:43,208 --> 01:20:44,833 So say the prosecution. 1319 01:20:45,375 --> 01:20:46,958 Now... 1320 01:20:48,000 --> 01:20:49,375 That puzzled me, 1321 01:20:50,542 --> 01:20:54,417 because nothing is a crime in this country 1322 01:20:54,500 --> 01:20:59,167 unless it is expressly forbidden by law. 1323 01:20:59,958 --> 01:21:04,042 If your neighbour borrows your lawnmower and doesn't return it for months, 1324 01:21:04,125 --> 01:21:07,750 it is frustrating, it is annoying, 1325 01:21:07,833 --> 01:21:09,917 but it is not theft. 1326 01:21:11,417 --> 01:21:16,292 Because he had no intention of permanently depriving you of it. 1327 01:21:17,542 --> 01:21:20,583 Kempton Bunton is your neighbour. 1328 01:21:20,667 --> 01:21:23,375 He is not a thief. 1329 01:21:23,458 --> 01:21:27,042 He borrowed your Goya to... 1330 01:21:27,125 --> 01:21:30,458 Try and do a bit of good in this world, 1331 01:21:31,042 --> 01:21:32,458 in a world where... 1332 01:21:34,375 --> 01:21:35,542 I am you... 1333 01:21:37,500 --> 01:21:38,833 And you are me, 1334 01:21:39,500 --> 01:21:41,250 to try and benefit 1335 01:21:41,333 --> 01:21:44,083 some of the most vulnerable people in society. 1336 01:21:44,167 --> 01:21:48,708 He returned it, delivered it in person, the Goya. 1337 01:21:48,792 --> 01:21:52,167 Late, yes, yes... 1338 01:21:53,875 --> 01:21:54,875 Yes. 1339 01:21:59,042 --> 01:22:02,333 Who amongst us hasn't been late returning a lawnmower? 1340 01:22:06,250 --> 01:22:08,250 When all is said and done... 1341 01:22:12,708 --> 01:22:14,500 He's a pretty good neighbour, really. 1342 01:22:15,917 --> 01:22:16,917 Isn't he? 1343 01:22:20,458 --> 01:22:21,708 Thank you. 1344 01:22:31,833 --> 01:22:35,125 And in response to Mr Bunton's confession 1345 01:22:35,208 --> 01:22:37,292 that he took the Goya, 1346 01:22:37,375 --> 01:22:39,917 you may consider that as a result of his defence, 1347 01:22:40,000 --> 01:22:42,833 every gallery in the country will be powerless to prevent anyone 1348 01:22:42,917 --> 01:22:46,083 from borrowing a Rubens for the weekend, 1349 01:22:46,167 --> 01:22:49,083 to hang in the hallway to impress the Chair of the Rotary Club. 1350 01:22:49,167 --> 01:22:51,792 Can this country really allow such behaviour 1351 01:22:51,875 --> 01:22:54,417 to be placed outside our criminal law? 1352 01:22:54,958 --> 01:22:58,250 Now, that is a question I urge you to focus on now, 1353 01:22:59,000 --> 01:23:02,167 as you retire to consider your verdicts. 1354 01:23:16,958 --> 01:23:18,458 This is a good sandwich. 1355 01:23:19,958 --> 01:23:21,000 It is. 1356 01:23:21,083 --> 01:23:23,333 For cheese. 1357 01:23:55,000 --> 01:23:57,042 Will the foreman please stand? 1358 01:23:57,667 --> 01:23:59,167 And the defendant. 1359 01:24:00,167 --> 01:24:01,708 Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, 1360 01:24:01,792 --> 01:24:05,458 have you reached verdicts upon which all 12 of you are agreed? 1361 01:24:06,292 --> 01:24:07,292 We have. 1362 01:24:07,875 --> 01:24:10,434 On the charge of the theft of a picture frame 1363 01:24:10,458 --> 01:24:14,125 to the value of £80, property of the National Gallery, 1364 01:24:14,208 --> 01:24:16,667 do you find the defendant guilty or not guilty? 1365 01:24:16,750 --> 01:24:17,750 Guilty. 1366 01:24:21,667 --> 01:24:24,333 Establishment fix-up! Establishment fix-up! 1367 01:24:24,417 --> 01:24:26,542 There will be silence! 1368 01:24:27,333 --> 01:24:30,000 Or I shall order the public gallery cleared. 1369 01:24:32,000 --> 01:24:34,750 On the charge of the theft of the Goya portrait 1370 01:24:34,833 --> 01:24:36,208 of the Duke of Wellington, 1371 01:24:36,292 --> 01:24:39,417 do you find the defendant guilty or not guilty? 1372 01:24:50,750 --> 01:24:52,042 Not guilty. 1373 01:25:06,542 --> 01:25:09,500 On the charge of demanding money with menaces 1374 01:25:09,583 --> 01:25:10,875 for the return of the portrait, 1375 01:25:10,958 --> 01:25:13,750 do you find the defendant guilty or not guilty? 1376 01:25:13,833 --> 01:25:14,917 Not guilty. 1377 01:25:17,750 --> 01:25:18,833 Silence! 1378 01:25:19,417 --> 01:25:21,458 Silence in court. 1379 01:25:23,000 --> 01:25:25,625 On the charge of creating a public nuisance 1380 01:25:25,708 --> 01:25:28,750 by depriving members of the public of the opportunity to view the portrait, 1381 01:25:28,833 --> 01:25:30,233 do you find the defendant guilty... 1382 01:25:30,292 --> 01:25:31,500 Not guilty. 1383 01:25:37,958 --> 01:25:40,583 It's a hat-trick! 1384 01:25:40,667 --> 01:25:42,375 Whoo! 1385 01:25:46,542 --> 01:25:49,250 Silence! Silence in court. 1386 01:25:51,958 --> 01:25:54,042 I will have silence. 1387 01:25:55,833 --> 01:25:58,542 Silence in court! 1388 01:25:58,625 --> 01:26:00,042 remove that woman. 1389 01:26:00,792 --> 01:26:02,667 I'm not going anywhere. 1390 01:26:26,542 --> 01:26:28,125 thank you. 1391 01:26:38,542 --> 01:26:40,417 Give us one of those bags. 1392 01:26:41,333 --> 01:26:43,333 - You're here. - Course I'm here. 1393 01:26:43,417 --> 01:26:45,167 Where else do you think I'd be? 1394 01:26:45,917 --> 01:26:49,000 I haven't been wasting me time. I've written a couple of plays. 1395 01:26:49,083 --> 01:26:50,417 Hmm. 1396 01:26:50,500 --> 01:26:52,667 Shakespeare must be shivering in his boots. 1397 01:26:52,750 --> 01:26:56,208 I expect so. And Chekhov. 1398 01:26:57,542 --> 01:26:58,792 Who's Chekhov? 1399 01:27:00,417 --> 01:27:03,208 Do you remember that play we went to see about the three sisters? 1400 01:27:30,417 --> 01:27:31,875 There she is. 1401 01:27:40,208 --> 01:27:42,875 - Welcome home, Dad. - Welcome home, Dad. 1402 01:27:42,958 --> 01:27:44,583 I'll put the kettle on. 1403 01:27:46,042 --> 01:27:47,500 Is one of those for me? 1404 01:27:49,875 --> 01:27:50,958 Wet your whistle. 1405 01:27:51,042 --> 01:27:52,875 - Cheers. - Cheers. 1406 01:27:57,417 --> 01:28:00,083 - I needed that. - I bet you did. 1407 01:28:00,167 --> 01:28:01,875 Best I've ever tasted. 1408 01:28:10,083 --> 01:28:12,250 The director of public prosecutions and I 1409 01:28:12,333 --> 01:28:15,250 have considered the evidence in the case, 1410 01:28:16,500 --> 01:28:17,667 and your confession. 1411 01:28:19,583 --> 01:28:23,750 It goes without saying, it is an offence of the utmost gravity. 1412 01:28:25,833 --> 01:28:29,333 However, in order to prosecute, 1413 01:28:29,417 --> 01:28:31,208 we would be compelled to call... 1414 01:28:33,417 --> 01:28:34,583 The original defendant. 1415 01:28:34,667 --> 01:28:36,667 It puts us in a delicate position, 1416 01:28:37,500 --> 01:28:41,000 given the public spectacle your father seems to create. 1417 01:28:41,750 --> 01:28:43,917 So, it has been decided that... 1418 01:28:45,958 --> 01:28:48,625 Prosecuting you may not be in the public interest. 1419 01:28:48,708 --> 01:28:52,167 What, you mean Kempton would make you look stupid again? 1420 01:28:53,000 --> 01:28:54,000 Sorry. I didn't mean... 1421 01:28:54,083 --> 01:28:57,958 Of course, if a single word of this were ever to go beyond these walls, 1422 01:28:58,042 --> 01:29:00,000 we could always change our minds. 1423 01:29:01,417 --> 01:29:03,125 - Clear? - Clear. 1424 01:29:14,792 --> 01:29:16,292 - Kene? - I will. 1425 01:29:16,375 --> 01:29:18,875 - Will you marry me? - I just said I will. 1426 01:29:25,625 --> 01:29:27,792 Just like you on this island, Dr No. 1427 01:29:27,875 --> 01:29:31,625 It depends, Mr bond, on which side of the glass you are. 1428 01:29:33,042 --> 01:29:36,625 A medium dry Martini, lemon peel, shaken, not stirred. 1429 01:29:36,708 --> 01:29:38,375 - Vodka? - Of course. 1430 01:29:49,208 --> 01:29:51,208 It's that bloody picture again. 1431 01:29:51,250 --> 01:29:53,010 He should put that into a wardrobe. 1432 01:29:53,542 --> 01:29:55,500 He'd have to get Jackie to fix it for him. 1433 01:29:56,750 --> 01:29:59,583 Well, Dr No, you haven't done badly, considering. 1434 01:29:59,667 --> 01:30:01,792 A handicap is what you make of it...