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Saturday, March 24, 1984.
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Shermer High School,
Shermer, Illinois, 60062.
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Dear Mr. Vernon...
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we accept the fact that we had to
sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention
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for whatever it was we did wrong.
6
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What we did was wrong.
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But we think you're crazy
to make us write an essay
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telling you who we think we are.
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What do you care?
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You see us as you want to see us,
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in the simplest terms
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and most convenient definitions.
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You see us as a brain,
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an athlete,
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a basket case,
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a princess,
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and a criminal.
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Correct?
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That's the way we saw each other
at 7:00 this morning.
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We were brainwashed.
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I can't believe
you can't get me out of this.
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I mean, it's so absurd
I have to be here on a Saturday.
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- It's not like I'm a defective or anything.
- I'll make it up to you.
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Honey, ditching class to go shopping
doesn't make you a defective.
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Have a good day.
26
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Is this the first time
or the last time we do this?
27
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Last.
28
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Well, get in there
and use the time to your advantage.
29
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Mom, we're not supposed to study.
We just have to sit there and do nothing.
30
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- Well, mister, you figure out a way to study.
- Yeah.
31
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Well, go.
32
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Hey, I screwed around. Guys screw around.
33
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There's nothing wrong with that.
Except you got caught, sport.
34
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Yeah, Mom already reamed me, all right?
35
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You want to miss a match?
You want to blow your ride?
36
00:04:24,775 --> 00:04:27,819
Now, no school is gonna give a scholarship
to a discipline case.
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Well, well. Here we are.
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I wanna congratulate you
for being on time.
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Excuse me, sir.
I think there's been a mistake.
40
00:06:06,919 --> 00:06:11,255
I know it's detention,
but, I don't think I belong in here.
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It is now 7:06.
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You have exactly eight hours and 54 minutes
to think about why you're here,
43
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to ponder the error of your ways.
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You may not talk.
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You will not move from these seats.
46
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And you...
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will not sleep.
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All right, people, we're gonna try
something a little different today.
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We are going to write an essay...
50
00:06:53,048 --> 00:06:55,883
of no less than a thousand words...
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describing to me who you think you are.
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This a test?
53
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And when I say "essay," I mean essay.
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I do not mean a single word
repeated a thousand times.
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Is that clear, Mr. Bender?
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- Crystal.
- Good.
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Maybe you'll learn
a little something about yourself.
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Maybe you'll even decide
whether or not you care to return.
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You know, I can answer
that right now, sir.
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That'd be "no" for me, 'cause -
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- Sit down, Johnson.
- Thank you, sir.
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My office is right across that hall.
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Any monkey business is ill-advised.
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Any questions?
65
00:07:41,346 --> 00:07:43,848
Yeah. I got a question.
66
00:07:43,932 --> 00:07:46,976
Does Barry Manilow know
that you raid his wardrobe?
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I'll give you the answer to that question,
Mr. Bender, next Saturday.
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Don't mess with the bull, young man.
You'll get the horns.
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That man is a brownie hound.
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You keep eatin' your hand,
you're not gonna be hungry for lunch.
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I've seen you before, you know.
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Who I think I am.
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Who are you?
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Who are you?
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I am a walrus.
76
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It's the shits?
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I can't believe this
is really happening to me.
78
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Oh, shit!
79
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What are we supposed to do
if we have to take a piss?
80
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- Please.
- If you gotta go, you gotta go.
81
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Oh, my God.
82
00:10:20,922 --> 00:10:23,966
- Hey, you're not urinating in here, man.
- Don't talk. It makes it crawl back up.
83
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You whip it out and you're dead
before the first drop hits the floor.
84
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You're pretty sexy when you get angry.
85
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Hey, homeboy,
why don't you go close that door?
86
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We'll get the prom queen impregnated.
87
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Hey. Hey!
88
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What?
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00:10:44,738 --> 00:10:47,657
If I lose my temper, you're totaled, man.
90
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Totally?
91
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Totally.
92
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Why don't you shut up?
Nobody here is interested.
93
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Really.
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Butt face.
95
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Hey, sporto, what'd you do to get in here?
Forget to wash your jock?
96
00:11:03,465 --> 00:11:06,300
Excuse me, fellas.
I think we should just write our papers.
97
00:11:06,385 --> 00:11:08,761
Just because you live in here doesn't
give you the right to be a pain in the ass.
98
00:11:08,845 --> 00:11:10,471
So knock it off!
99
00:11:11,014 --> 00:11:12,932
Well, it's a free country.
100
00:11:13,016 --> 00:11:16,977
He's just doing it to get a rise out of you.
Just ignore him.
101
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Sweets?
102
00:11:20,482 --> 00:11:23,109
You couldn't ignore me if you tried.
103
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So...
104
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so...
105
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are you guys, like, boyfriend-girlfriend?
106
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Steady dates?
107
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Lovers?
108
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Come on, sporto. Level with me.
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Do you slip her the hot-beef injection?
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- Go to hell!
- Enough!
111
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Hey! What's going on in there?
112
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Spoiled little pricks.
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Scumbag.
114
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What do you say we close that door?
115
00:12:08,447 --> 00:12:11,282
We can't have any kind of party
with Vernon checking us out every few seconds.
116
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You know,
the door's supposed to stay open.
117
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- So what?
- So why don't you just shut up?
118
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- There's four other people in here, you know.
- God, you can count.
119
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See, I knew you had
to be smart to be a wrestler.
120
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- Who the hell are you to judge anybody anyway?
- Really.
121
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You know, Bender, you don't even count.
122
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If you disappeared forever,
it wouldn't make any difference.
123
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You may as well
not even exist at this school.
124
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Well, I'll just run right out
and join the wrestling team.
125
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Maybe the prep club too.
126
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- Student council.
- No. They wouldn't take you.
127
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I'm hurtin'.
128
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You know why guys like you
knock everything?
129
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- Oh, this should be stunning.
- It's 'cause you're afraid.
130
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Oh, God, you richies are so smart.
That's exactly why I'm not heavy into activities.
131
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You're a big coward.
132
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I'm in the math club.
133
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You're afraid they won't take you. You don't
belong, so you have to dump all over it.
134
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Well, it wouldn't have anything to do
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with you activities people being assholes,
now, would it?
136
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You wouldn't know.
You don't even know any of us.
137
00:13:09,674 --> 00:13:12,051
Well, I don't know any lepers either,
138
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but I'm not gonna run out
and join one of their fucking clubs.
139
00:13:14,346 --> 00:13:17,139
- Hey, let's watch the mouth?
- I'm in the physics club too.
140
00:13:17,808 --> 00:13:20,476
Excuse me a sec.
What are you babbling about?
141
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Well, what I'd said was,
I'm in the math club,
142
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the Latin club, and the physics clu -
physics club.
143
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Hey. Cherry.
144
00:13:34,032 --> 00:13:35,908
Do you belong to the physics club?
145
00:13:35,992 --> 00:13:38,494
That's an academic club.
146
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So?
147
00:13:41,581 --> 00:13:44,542
So, academic clubs aren't
the same as other kinds of clubs.
148
00:13:44,626 --> 00:13:48,379
Ah, but to dorks like him, they are.
149
00:13:49,506 --> 00:13:51,507
What do you guys do in your club?
150
00:13:51,591 --> 00:13:56,470
In physics, well, w-we, - we talk about
physics, properties of physics.
151
00:13:56,555 --> 00:13:58,472
So it's sort of social.
152
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Demented and sad, but social. Right?
153
00:14:01,810 --> 00:14:04,979
Yeah, well, I guess you could consider it
a social situation.
154
00:14:05,063 --> 00:14:08,190
I mean, there are other
children in my club.
155
00:14:08,275 --> 00:14:13,779
And, a-at the end of the year
we have a big banquet at the Hilton.
156
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You load up. You party.
157
00:14:17,284 --> 00:14:20,828
No. We get dressed up,
but we don't - we don't get high.
158
00:14:20,912 --> 00:14:22,746
Only burners like you get high.
159
00:14:22,831 --> 00:14:25,165
I didn't have any shoes,
so I had to borrow my dad's.
160
00:14:25,250 --> 00:14:27,918
It was kinda weird, 'cause my mom
doesn't like me to wear other people's shoes.
161
00:14:28,003 --> 00:14:31,922
My cousal K - My cousin Kendall
from Indiana, he got high once.
162
00:14:32,007 --> 00:14:36,677
He started eating really weird foods.
Then he felt like he didn't belong anywhere.
163
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Kind of like, you know, Twilight Zone, kind of.
164
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Sounds like you.
165
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You guys keep up your talking
and Vernon's gonna come right in here.
166
00:14:43,310 --> 00:14:46,562
I got a meet this Saturday. I'm not gonna
miss it on account of you boneheads.
167
00:14:46,646 --> 00:14:48,772
Oh, and wouldn't that be a bite?
168
00:14:48,857 --> 00:14:50,774
Missing a whole wrestling meet?
169
00:14:50,859 --> 00:14:52,943
Well, you wouldn't know
anything about it, faggot.
170
00:14:53,028 --> 00:14:55,863
- You never competed in your whole life.
- Oh, I know.
171
00:14:55,947 --> 00:14:57,865
And I feel all empty inside because of it.
172
00:14:57,949 --> 00:15:02,369
I have such a deep admiration for guys
who roll around on the floor with other guys.
173
00:15:02,454 --> 00:15:05,414
Ah, you'd never miss it.
You don't have any goals.
174
00:15:05,498 --> 00:15:06,832
- Oh, but I do.
- Yeah?
175
00:15:06,917 --> 00:15:09,501
I want to be just like you.
176
00:15:09,586 --> 00:15:13,756
I figure all I need's
a lobotomy and some tights.
177
00:15:15,717 --> 00:15:17,843
You wear tights?
178
00:15:17,928 --> 00:15:21,555
No, I don't wear tights.
I wear the required uniform.
179
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Tights.
180
00:15:22,849 --> 00:15:24,099
Shut up.
181
00:15:44,204 --> 00:15:46,872
You know, there's not supposed to be
any, monkey business.
182
00:15:46,957 --> 00:15:49,166
Young man, have you finished your paper?
183
00:15:54,130 --> 00:15:56,131
Come on, Bender, don't screw around.
184
00:15:56,216 --> 00:15:58,425
- What are you gonna do?
- Drop dead, I hope.
185
00:16:08,103 --> 00:16:10,145
All right!
186
00:16:10,230 --> 00:16:12,356
Bender, that's -
that's school property there.
187
00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:16,026
I mean, that doesn't belong to us.
It's something not to be toyed with.
188
00:16:16,111 --> 00:16:18,988
- That's very funny. Come on. Fix it.
- You should really fix that.
189
00:16:19,072 --> 00:16:21,281
- Am I a genius?
- No, you're an asshole.
190
00:16:21,366 --> 00:16:23,617
- What a funny guy. Everyone, just.
- Fix the door, Bender!
191
00:16:23,702 --> 00:16:25,828
Listen. I've been here before.
I know what I'm doing.
192
00:16:25,912 --> 00:16:27,997
- No! Fix the door! Get up there -
- Shut up!
193
00:16:28,081 --> 00:16:29,665
Goddamn it!
194
00:16:34,045 --> 00:16:36,046
Why is that door closed?
195
00:16:39,551 --> 00:16:41,468
Why is that door closed?
196
00:16:41,553 --> 00:16:44,930
How are we supposed to know?
We're not supposed to move. Right?
197
00:16:45,015 --> 00:16:46,015
Why?
198
00:16:47,934 --> 00:16:51,020
We're just sitting here,
like we're supposed to.
199
00:16:55,775 --> 00:16:57,401
Who closed that door?
200
00:16:58,820 --> 00:17:01,530
- I think a screw fell out of it.
- It just closed, sir.
201
00:17:02,657 --> 00:17:04,283
Who?
202
00:17:05,952 --> 00:17:07,703
She doesn't talk, sir.
203
00:17:10,331 --> 00:17:12,291
- Give me that screw.
- I don't have it.
204
00:17:12,375 --> 00:17:14,668
You want me to yank you out of that seat
and shake it out of you?
205
00:17:14,753 --> 00:17:18,756
I don't have it. Screws fall out all the time.
The world's an imperfect place.
206
00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:20,716
Give it to me, Bender.
207
00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:23,093
Excuse me, sir.
Why would anybody want to steal a screw?
208
00:17:23,178 --> 00:17:24,803
Watch it, young lady.
209
00:17:35,482 --> 00:17:37,524
The door's way too heavy, sir.
210
00:17:44,365 --> 00:17:48,118
Damn it! Chair's - Son of a bitch!
211
00:17:52,457 --> 00:17:55,209
Andrew Clark, get up here.
212
00:17:55,293 --> 00:17:58,170
Front and center. Let's go.
213
00:17:59,297 --> 00:18:01,965
- Hey, how come Andrew gets to get up?
- That's right.
214
00:18:02,050 --> 00:18:05,385
If he gets up, we'll all get up.
It'll be anarchy!
215
00:18:06,888 --> 00:18:10,349
- Okay, watch - watch the magazines.
- It's out of my hands.
216
00:18:14,229 --> 00:18:16,855
That's very clever, sir.
217
00:18:16,940 --> 00:18:19,608
But what if there's a fire?
218
00:18:19,692 --> 00:18:23,320
I think violating fire codes
and endangering the lives of children
219
00:18:23,404 --> 00:18:26,323
would be unwise
at this juncture in your career, sir.
220
00:18:26,407 --> 00:18:30,035
All right, what are you doing with this?
Get this out of here, for God's sake.
221
00:18:30,120 --> 00:18:31,578
What's the matter with you? Come on.
222
00:18:31,663 --> 00:18:34,581
The school comes equipped with fire exits
at either end of the library.
223
00:18:34,666 --> 00:18:36,750
Show Dick some respect.
224
00:18:36,835 --> 00:18:38,210
Let's go.
225
00:18:39,129 --> 00:18:41,505
Go. Get back in your seat.
226
00:18:44,008 --> 00:18:47,761
I expected a little more
from a varsity Letterman.
227
00:18:49,430 --> 00:18:51,014
You're not fooling anybody, Bender.
228
00:18:52,517 --> 00:18:54,852
The next screw that falls out
is gonna be you.
229
00:18:56,354 --> 00:18:57,604
Eat my shorts.
230
00:18:57,689 --> 00:18:59,022
What was that?
231
00:19:01,401 --> 00:19:02,526
Eat...
232
00:19:02,610 --> 00:19:03,527
my...
233
00:19:03,611 --> 00:19:04,611
shorts.
234
00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:08,532
- You just bought yourself another Saturday.
- Oh, I'm crushed.
235
00:19:08,616 --> 00:19:11,410
- You just bought one more right there.
- Well, I'm free the Saturday after that.
236
00:19:11,494 --> 00:19:13,537
Beyond that,
I'm gonna have to check my calendar.
237
00:19:13,621 --> 00:19:15,664
Good, because it's gonna be filled.
238
00:19:15,748 --> 00:19:18,375
We'll keep going. You want another one?
239
00:19:19,586 --> 00:19:22,129
Just say the word.
Instead of going to prison, you'll come here.
240
00:19:24,883 --> 00:19:26,633
- Are you through?
- No.
241
00:19:26,718 --> 00:19:28,635
- I'm doing society a favor.
- So?
242
00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:30,012
That's another right now.
243
00:19:30,096 --> 00:19:33,640
I've got you for the rest of your
natural-born life, if you don't watch your step.
244
00:19:33,725 --> 00:19:35,642
- You want another one?
- Yes.
245
00:19:35,727 --> 00:19:38,937
You got it! You got another one
right there! That's another one, pal!
246
00:19:39,022 --> 00:19:41,064
Cut it out!
247
00:19:42,567 --> 00:19:43,650
You through?
248
00:19:43,735 --> 00:19:45,736
Not even close, bud.
249
00:19:45,820 --> 00:19:47,738
Good. You got one more right there.
250
00:19:47,822 --> 00:19:50,574
- You really think I give a shit?
- Another.
251
00:19:52,869 --> 00:19:55,913
- You through?
- How many is that?
252
00:19:55,997 --> 00:19:58,790
Seven, including one when we first came in
when you asked Mr. Vernon here
253
00:19:58,875 --> 00:20:00,918
whether Barry Manilow
knew that he raided his closet.
254
00:20:01,002 --> 00:20:03,503
- Now it's eight. You stay out of it.
- Excuse me, sir. It's seven.
255
00:20:03,588 --> 00:20:05,422
Shut up, pee-wee.
256
00:20:09,344 --> 00:20:12,596
You're mine, Bender.
For two months, I gotcha.
257
00:20:13,723 --> 00:20:15,349
I gotcha.
258
00:20:16,517 --> 00:20:19,144
What can I say? I'm thrilled.
259
00:20:19,229 --> 00:20:22,147
Oh, I'm sure that's exactly
what you want these people to believe.
260
00:20:22,232 --> 00:20:23,482
You know something, Bender?
261
00:20:23,566 --> 00:20:26,526
You ought to spend a little more time
trying to do something with yourself
262
00:20:26,611 --> 00:20:29,363
and a little less time
trying to impress people.
263
00:20:29,447 --> 00:20:31,156
You might be better off.
264
00:20:31,908 --> 00:20:35,452
All right, that's it!
I'm gonna be right outside those doors.
265
00:20:36,454 --> 00:20:40,123
The next time I have to come in here,
I'm cracking skulls.
266
00:20:52,387 --> 00:20:54,429
Fuck you!
267
00:21:04,315 --> 00:21:05,440
Fuck.
268
00:22:48,002 --> 00:22:49,544
Wake up!
269
00:22:52,757 --> 00:22:54,257
Who has to go to the lavatory?
270
00:23:13,194 --> 00:23:14,986
That's real intelligent.
271
00:23:15,071 --> 00:23:16,988
You're right.
272
00:23:17,073 --> 00:23:18,990
It's wrong to destroy literature.
273
00:23:20,243 --> 00:23:21,910
It's such fun to read.
274
00:23:23,579 --> 00:23:24,746
And...
275
00:23:26,916 --> 00:23:29,793
"Molay" really pumps my nads.
276
00:23:29,877 --> 00:23:30,877
Molière.
277
00:23:33,965 --> 00:23:36,007
I love his work.
278
00:23:45,309 --> 00:23:49,146
Big deal. Nothing to do
when you're locked in a vacancy.
279
00:23:49,689 --> 00:23:51,189
Aw, speak for yourself.
280
00:23:51,274 --> 00:23:53,275
Do you think I'd speak for you?
281
00:23:53,359 --> 00:23:55,444
I don't even know your language.
282
00:23:58,072 --> 00:24:00,740
Hey. You grounded tonight?
283
00:24:02,034 --> 00:24:05,287
I don't know. My mom said I was,
but my dad told me just to blow her off.
284
00:24:10,334 --> 00:24:12,169
There's a big party at Stubby's.
285
00:24:12,253 --> 00:24:14,796
Parents are in Europe.
Should be pretty wild.
286
00:24:14,881 --> 00:24:16,923
- Yeah?
- Yeah. You gonna go?
287
00:24:18,634 --> 00:24:20,760
- I doubt it.
- How come?
288
00:24:20,845 --> 00:24:25,056
'Cause if I do what my mother tells me not
to do, it's because my father says it's okay.
289
00:24:25,141 --> 00:24:28,560
It's this whole big monster deal.
It's endless. It's a total drag.
290
00:24:28,644 --> 00:24:30,979
It's, like, any minute, divorce.
291
00:24:31,063 --> 00:24:33,773
- Who do you like better?
- What?
292
00:24:33,858 --> 00:24:35,817
You like your old man
better than your mom?
293
00:24:35,902 --> 00:24:39,529
- They're both screwed.
- No, I mean if you had to choose between 'em.
294
00:24:41,908 --> 00:24:43,783
I don't know.
295
00:24:43,868 --> 00:24:45,994
Probably go live with my brother.
296
00:24:48,289 --> 00:24:50,582
I mean, I don't think either one of them
gives a shit about me.
297
00:24:50,666 --> 00:24:52,626
They use me
just to get back at each other.
298
00:25:02,929 --> 00:25:04,387
Shut up!
299
00:25:04,472 --> 00:25:06,556
You're just feeling sorry for yourself.
300
00:25:06,641 --> 00:25:09,017
Yeah, well, if I didn't, nobody else would.
301
00:25:09,101 --> 00:25:10,393
Oh, you're breaking my heart.
302
00:25:10,478 --> 00:25:11,645
- Sporto.
- What?
303
00:25:14,857 --> 00:25:16,650
You get along with your parents?
304
00:25:16,734 --> 00:25:19,319
Well, if I say yes, I'm an idiot, right?
305
00:25:21,614 --> 00:25:23,657
You're an idiot anyway.
306
00:25:23,741 --> 00:25:27,577
But if you say you get along
with your parents, well, you're a liar too.
307
00:25:35,962 --> 00:25:40,465
You know something, man? If we weren't
in school right now, I'd waste you.
308
00:25:40,550 --> 00:25:41,758
Can you hear this?
309
00:25:42,969 --> 00:25:44,970
You want me to turn it up?
310
00:25:46,639 --> 00:25:48,098
Hey, fellas, I mean -
311
00:25:49,350 --> 00:25:52,769
I- I don't like my parents either.
I mean, I don't -
312
00:25:52,853 --> 00:25:54,980
I don't - I don't get along with them.
313
00:25:55,064 --> 00:25:59,109
I mean, their idea of parental compassion
is just, you know...
314
00:26:00,278 --> 00:26:02,028
wacko, you know.
315
00:26:02,113 --> 00:26:04,155
- Dork.
- Yeah?
316
00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:07,492
You are a parent's wet dream, okay?
317
00:26:09,704 --> 00:26:11,454
Well, that's the problem.
318
00:26:11,539 --> 00:26:13,540
Look, I could see you getting all bunged up
319
00:26:13,624 --> 00:26:15,834
for them making you wear
these kind of clothes,
320
00:26:15,918 --> 00:26:19,546
but face it -
you're a neo-maxi-zum-dweeby.
321
00:26:19,630 --> 00:26:22,716
What would you be doing if you weren't
out making yourself a better citizen?
322
00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:24,801
Why do you have to insult everybody?
323
00:26:26,012 --> 00:26:28,597
I'm being honest, asshole.
324
00:26:28,681 --> 00:26:31,766
I would expect you to know the difference.
325
00:26:31,851 --> 00:26:33,643
- Yeah, well, he's got a name.
- Yeah?
326
00:26:33,728 --> 00:26:36,062
Yeah. What's your name?
327
00:26:36,147 --> 00:26:38,398
- Brian.
- See?
328
00:26:38,482 --> 00:26:40,025
My condolences.
329
00:26:43,029 --> 00:26:44,529
What's your name?
330
00:26:47,825 --> 00:26:49,451
What's yours?
331
00:26:50,620 --> 00:26:52,621
- Claire.
- Claire?
332
00:26:52,705 --> 00:26:54,706
Claire. It's a family name.
333
00:26:54,790 --> 00:26:56,583
No, it's a fat girl's name.
334
00:26:56,667 --> 00:26:58,001
- Oh. Thank you.
- You're welcome.
335
00:26:58,085 --> 00:26:59,669
- I'm not fat.
- Well, not at present.
336
00:26:59,754 --> 00:27:02,047
But I could see you
really pushing maximum density.
337
00:27:02,882 --> 00:27:07,510
You see, I'm not sure if you know this,
but there are two kinds of fat people -
338
00:27:07,595 --> 00:27:10,180
there's fat people
that were born to be fat,
339
00:27:10,264 --> 00:27:13,600
and there's fat people that were once thin
but they became fat.
340
00:27:13,684 --> 00:27:17,771
So when you look at 'em
you can sorta see that thin person inside.
341
00:27:17,855 --> 00:27:21,566
You see, you're gonna get married,
you're gonna squeeze out a few puppies,
342
00:27:21,651 --> 00:27:22,859
and then...
343
00:27:27,531 --> 00:27:31,034
Obscene finger gestures
from such a pristine girl.
344
00:27:31,827 --> 00:27:33,536
I'm not that pristine.
345
00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:39,250
Are you a virgin?
346
00:27:42,004 --> 00:27:46,383
I'll bet you a million dollars that you are.
347
00:27:48,052 --> 00:27:49,719
Let's end the suspense.
348
00:27:51,013 --> 00:27:53,765
Is it gonna be a...
♪ White wedding? ♪
349
00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:57,977
- Why don't you just shut up?
- Have you kissed a boy on the mouth?
350
00:28:00,940 --> 00:28:03,108
Have you ever been felt up...
351
00:28:03,859 --> 00:28:07,153
over the bra, under the blouse,
352
00:28:08,072 --> 00:28:11,741
your shoes off, hoping to God
your parents don't walk in?
353
00:28:14,870 --> 00:28:16,246
Do you want me to puke?
354
00:28:18,999 --> 00:28:20,750
Over the panties...
355
00:28:22,670 --> 00:28:23,753
no bra...
356
00:28:25,840 --> 00:28:27,424
blouse unbuttoned...
357
00:28:28,676 --> 00:28:33,179
Calvins in a ball on the front seat,
past 11:00 on a school night?
358
00:28:34,557 --> 00:28:35,807
Leave her alone.
359
00:28:46,610 --> 00:28:48,570
I said leave her alone.
360
00:28:51,323 --> 00:28:53,992
You gonna make me?
361
00:28:54,076 --> 00:28:55,702
Yeah.
362
00:29:02,793 --> 00:29:05,670
You and how many of your friends?
363
00:29:05,755 --> 00:29:07,839
Just me.
364
00:29:07,923 --> 00:29:11,217
Just you and me. Two hits.
365
00:29:11,302 --> 00:29:14,763
Me hitting you, you hitting the floor.
Anytime you're ready, pal.
366
00:29:23,105 --> 00:29:25,690
I don't want to get
into this with you, man.
367
00:29:27,485 --> 00:29:28,693
Why not?
368
00:29:29,737 --> 00:29:31,237
'Cause I'd kill you.
369
00:29:34,867 --> 00:29:37,285
It's real simple.
370
00:29:37,369 --> 00:29:40,246
I'd kill you,
and your fucking parents would sue me.
371
00:29:40,331 --> 00:29:44,209
And it'd be a big mess, and I don't
care enough about you to bother.
372
00:29:45,961 --> 00:29:47,337
Chickenshit.
373
00:29:58,766 --> 00:30:01,684
Let's end this right now.
374
00:30:01,769 --> 00:30:05,688
You don't talk to her.
You don't look at her.
375
00:30:05,773 --> 00:30:08,024
And you don't even think about her!
You understand me?
376
00:30:09,985 --> 00:30:11,402
I'm trying to help her.
377
00:30:34,760 --> 00:30:36,761
Brian, how you doing?
378
00:30:37,721 --> 00:30:39,347
Your dad work here?
379
00:30:45,312 --> 00:30:46,896
- Carl?
- What?
380
00:30:46,981 --> 00:30:49,649
- Can I ask you a question?
- Sure.
381
00:30:50,568 --> 00:30:53,736
- How does one become a janitor?
- You want to be a janitor?
382
00:30:53,821 --> 00:30:56,656
No, I just wanna know
how one becomes a janitor.
383
00:30:56,740 --> 00:31:01,661
Because Andrew here is very interested
in pursuing a career in the custodial arts.
384
00:31:01,745 --> 00:31:03,079
Oh, really?
385
00:31:05,833 --> 00:31:10,378
You guys think I'm just some
untouchable peasant, serf, peon, yeah?
386
00:31:10,462 --> 00:31:11,838
Maybe so.
387
00:31:11,922 --> 00:31:15,049
But following a broom around after
shitheads like you for the last eight years,
388
00:31:15,134 --> 00:31:16,593
I've learned a couple of things.
389
00:31:16,677 --> 00:31:20,305
I look through your letters,
look through your lockers.
390
00:31:21,682 --> 00:31:25,310
I listen to your conversations.
You don't know that, but I do.
391
00:31:25,394 --> 00:31:29,230
I am the eyes and ears
of this institution, my friends.
392
00:31:32,902 --> 00:31:35,194
By the way, that clock's 20 minutes fast.
393
00:31:37,239 --> 00:31:39,365
Shit.
394
00:32:24,912 --> 00:32:27,288
All right, girls,
that's 30 minutes for lunch.
395
00:32:27,373 --> 00:32:29,582
- Here?
- Here.
396
00:32:29,667 --> 00:32:33,378
I think the cafeteria would be a more
suitable place for us to eat lunch in, sir.
397
00:32:33,462 --> 00:32:36,673
Well, I don't care what you think, Andrew.
398
00:32:36,757 --> 00:32:37,840
Dick?
399
00:32:37,925 --> 00:32:40,051
Excuse me. Rich.
400
00:32:40,135 --> 00:32:43,346
- Will milk be made available to us?
- We're extremely thirsty, sir.
401
00:32:43,430 --> 00:32:46,224
I have really low tolerance
for dehydration.
402
00:32:46,308 --> 00:32:49,060
I've seen her dehydrate, sir.
It's pretty gross.
403
00:32:49,853 --> 00:32:51,229
Relax. I'll get it.
404
00:32:53,148 --> 00:32:54,941
Grab some wood there, bub.
405
00:32:56,360 --> 00:32:58,945
What, do you think I was born yesterday?
406
00:32:59,655 --> 00:33:03,366
You think I'm gonna have you
roaming these halls?
407
00:33:03,450 --> 00:33:04,742
You.
408
00:33:10,874 --> 00:33:12,333
And you.
409
00:33:13,419 --> 00:33:14,585
Hey!
410
00:33:15,504 --> 00:33:17,213
What's her name? Wake her - Wake her up.
411
00:33:17,297 --> 00:33:20,091
Hey! Come on!
On your feet, missy. Let's go.
412
00:33:20,175 --> 00:33:22,343
This is no rest home.
413
00:33:23,220 --> 00:33:27,432
There's a soft drink machine
in the teachers' lounge. Let's go.
414
00:33:32,521 --> 00:33:35,356
So... what's your poison?
415
00:33:38,277 --> 00:33:40,069
What do you drink?
416
00:33:42,197 --> 00:33:44,032
Okay. Forget I asked.
417
00:33:46,702 --> 00:33:48,119
Vodka.
418
00:33:49,997 --> 00:33:51,789
Vodka?
419
00:33:51,874 --> 00:33:53,666
When do you drink vodka?
420
00:33:53,751 --> 00:33:55,084
Whenever.
421
00:33:56,670 --> 00:33:59,130
- A lot?
- Tons.
422
00:34:00,007 --> 00:34:02,008
Is that why you're here today?
423
00:34:02,968 --> 00:34:05,053
- Why are you here?
- Why are you here?
424
00:34:13,062 --> 00:34:15,480
I'm here today because...
425
00:34:16,815 --> 00:34:20,276
because my coach and my father
don't want me to blow my ride.
426
00:34:21,653 --> 00:34:25,656
See, I get treated differently
because, Coach thinks I'm a winner.
427
00:34:25,741 --> 00:34:27,200
So does my old man.
428
00:34:27,868 --> 00:34:29,827
I'm not a winner because I want to be one.
429
00:34:30,412 --> 00:34:34,373
I'm a winner because I've got strength
and speed, kinda like a racehorse.
430
00:34:35,709 --> 00:34:38,544
That's about how involved I am
in what's happening to me.
431
00:34:38,629 --> 00:34:39,670
Yeah?
432
00:34:41,090 --> 00:34:43,716
That's very interesting.
433
00:34:46,804 --> 00:34:49,931
Now why don't you tell me
why you're really in here?
434
00:34:50,891 --> 00:34:52,266
Forget it.
435
00:34:58,941 --> 00:35:02,693
Claire, you want to see a picture
of a guy with elephantiasis of the nuts?
436
00:35:03,445 --> 00:35:05,404
- It's pretty tasty.
- No, thank you.
437
00:35:05,489 --> 00:35:07,865
How do you think he rides a bike?
438
00:35:10,953 --> 00:35:12,370
Oh, Claire?
439
00:35:12,454 --> 00:35:14,664
Would you ever
consider dating a guy like this?
440
00:35:14,748 --> 00:35:16,374
Can't you just leave me alone?
441
00:35:16,458 --> 00:35:20,628
I mean, if he had a great personality,
was a good dancer and had a cool car?
442
00:35:20,712 --> 00:35:22,630
Although you'd probably have to
ride in the back seat,
443
00:35:22,714 --> 00:35:25,007
because his nuts would ride shotgun.
444
00:35:27,344 --> 00:35:30,054
- You know what I wish I was doing?
- Ah. Watch what you say.
445
00:35:30,139 --> 00:35:32,515
- Brian here is a cherry.
- A cherry?
446
00:35:32,599 --> 00:35:36,394
I wish I was on a plane to France.
447
00:35:36,478 --> 00:35:39,272
- I'm not a cherry.
- When have you ever gotten laid?
448
00:35:39,356 --> 00:35:41,190
I've laid lots of times.
449
00:35:41,275 --> 00:35:42,817
Name one.
450
00:35:43,819 --> 00:35:47,280
She lives in Canada.
Met her at Niagara Falls.
451
00:35:47,364 --> 00:35:50,366
- You wouldn't know her.
- Ever laid anyone around here?
452
00:35:52,661 --> 00:35:55,788
Oh. You and Claire did it?
453
00:35:55,873 --> 00:35:59,584
- What are you talking about?
- Nothing. Nothing.
454
00:35:59,668 --> 00:36:02,795
- Let's just drop it. We'll talk about it later.
- Drop what? What are you talking about?
455
00:36:02,880 --> 00:36:07,300
Brian's trying to tell me that in addition to
the number of girls in the Niagara Falls area,
456
00:36:07,384 --> 00:36:10,094
that presently you and he
are riding the hobby horse.
457
00:36:10,179 --> 00:36:12,138
Little pig.
458
00:36:12,222 --> 00:36:13,681
No, I'm not.
459
00:36:13,765 --> 00:36:16,976
John said I was a cherry and I said I wasn't.
That's all that was said.
460
00:36:17,060 --> 00:36:19,896
Well, then what were you
motioning to Claire for?
461
00:36:19,980 --> 00:36:21,731
I don't appreciate this very much, Brian.
462
00:36:21,815 --> 00:36:25,193
- He is lying.
- Oh, you weren't motioning to Claire?
463
00:36:27,237 --> 00:36:30,489
- You know he's lying, right?
- Were you or were you not motioning to Claire?
464
00:36:31,617 --> 00:36:33,242
Yeah, but it was only -
465
00:36:34,620 --> 00:36:37,496
it was only because I didn't want her
to know I was a virgin, okay?
466
00:36:38,749 --> 00:36:41,876
Excuse me for being a virgin. I'm sorry.
467
00:36:41,960 --> 00:36:44,212
Why didn't you want me
to know you were a virgin?
468
00:36:44,296 --> 00:36:47,215
Because it's personal business.
It's my personal, private business.
469
00:36:47,299 --> 00:36:50,551
Well, Brian, it doesn't sound like
you're doing any business.
470
00:36:50,636 --> 00:36:53,679
I think it's okay for a guy to be a virgin.
471
00:36:53,764 --> 00:36:54,931
You do?
472
00:37:06,985 --> 00:37:08,986
- What's in there?
- Guess.
473
00:37:10,072 --> 00:37:12,114
Where's your lunch?
474
00:37:12,199 --> 00:37:13,532
You're wearing it.
475
00:37:14,368 --> 00:37:15,660
You're nauseating.
476
00:37:30,717 --> 00:37:33,344
- What's that?
- Sushi.
477
00:37:35,138 --> 00:37:37,723
Sushi?
478
00:37:37,808 --> 00:37:40,393
Rice, raw fish, and seaweed.
479
00:37:43,814 --> 00:37:47,149
You won't accept a guy's tongue in your mouth,
and you're gonna eat that?
480
00:37:47,234 --> 00:37:49,443
Can I eat?
481
00:37:49,528 --> 00:37:51,654
I don't know. Give it a try.
482
00:38:28,483 --> 00:38:30,067
What's your problem?
483
00:39:29,920 --> 00:39:31,837
What are we having?
484
00:39:31,922 --> 00:39:34,924
It's just your standard regular lunch,
I guess.
485
00:39:37,594 --> 00:39:39,428
- Milk?
- Soup.
486
00:39:44,518 --> 00:39:46,685
- That's apple juice.
- I can read.
487
00:39:48,021 --> 00:39:51,273
PB & J with the crusts cut off.
488
00:39:51,358 --> 00:39:54,902
Well, Brian,
this is a very nutritious lunch.
489
00:39:54,986 --> 00:39:57,321
All the food groups are represented.
490
00:39:58,365 --> 00:40:01,242
Did your mom marry Mr. Rogers?
491
00:40:01,326 --> 00:40:03,536
No, Mr. Johnson.
492
00:40:05,414 --> 00:40:10,543
Here's my impression
of life at big Bri's house.
493
00:40:15,590 --> 00:40:17,174
"Son?"
494
00:40:17,259 --> 00:40:18,717
"Yeah, Dad?"
495
00:40:18,802 --> 00:40:21,137
"How's your day, pal?"
496
00:40:21,221 --> 00:40:24,348
"Great, Dad. How's yours?"
497
00:40:24,433 --> 00:40:26,100
"Super.
498
00:40:26,184 --> 00:40:31,355
Say, Son, how'd you like to
go fishing this weekend?"
499
00:40:31,440 --> 00:40:33,566
"Great, Dad!
500
00:40:33,650 --> 00:40:36,569
But I've got homework to do."
501
00:40:36,653 --> 00:40:40,781
"That's all right, Son.
You can do it on the boat."
502
00:40:41,450 --> 00:40:43,075
"Gee!"
503
00:40:44,536 --> 00:40:47,955
"Dear, isn't our son swell?"
504
00:40:49,040 --> 00:40:52,793
"Yes, dear. Isn't life swell?"
505
00:41:07,058 --> 00:41:09,101
All right. What about your family?
506
00:41:09,186 --> 00:41:10,978
- Who, mine?
- Yeah.
507
00:41:11,062 --> 00:41:12,521
It's real easy.
508
00:41:21,490 --> 00:41:24,783
"Stupid, worthless,
509
00:41:24,868 --> 00:41:29,163
no-good goddamn
freeloading son of a bitch,
510
00:41:29,247 --> 00:41:31,499
retarded, big mouth, know-it-all,
511
00:41:31,583 --> 00:41:33,584
asshole jerk."
512
00:41:35,420 --> 00:41:39,632
"You forgot ugly, lazy, and disrespectful."
513
00:41:39,716 --> 00:41:43,052
"Shut up, bitch!
Go fix me a turkey pot pie."
514
00:41:44,429 --> 00:41:46,180
"What about you, Dad?"
515
00:41:46,264 --> 00:41:48,015
"Fuck you."
516
00:41:48,099 --> 00:41:50,976
- "No, Dad. What about you?"
- "Fuck you!"
517
00:41:51,061 --> 00:41:53,479
"No, Dad, what about you?"
518
00:41:53,563 --> 00:41:54,813
"Fuck you!"
519
00:41:54,898 --> 00:41:56,273
Bam!
520
00:41:59,819 --> 00:42:02,279
- Is that for real?
- You wanna come over sometime?
521
00:42:02,364 --> 00:42:05,991
That's bullshit. It's all part of your image.
I don't believe a word of it.
522
00:42:06,076 --> 00:42:07,993
You don't believe me?
523
00:42:08,078 --> 00:42:09,370
- No.
- No?
524
00:42:09,454 --> 00:42:10,496
Did I stutter?
525
00:42:19,047 --> 00:42:21,131
Do you believe this?
526
00:42:24,052 --> 00:42:25,636
It's about the size of a cigar.
527
00:42:25,720 --> 00:42:27,930
Do I stutter?
528
00:42:28,014 --> 00:42:32,643
See, this is what you get in my house
when you spill paint in the garage.
529
00:42:34,938 --> 00:42:39,775
See, I don't think that I need to sit
with you fuckin' dildos anymore.
530
00:42:49,369 --> 00:42:50,494
Fuck!
531
00:43:11,224 --> 00:43:13,976
- You shouldn't have said that.
- How did I know?
532
00:43:15,520 --> 00:43:17,521
He lies about everything anyway.
533
00:43:36,541 --> 00:43:38,751
Oh, shit.
534
00:43:38,835 --> 00:43:40,377
Coffee.
535
00:43:40,462 --> 00:43:43,797
Looks like they scrape it
off the bottom of the Mississippi River.
536
00:43:45,550 --> 00:43:47,551
Everything's polluted.
Everything's polluted.
537
00:43:47,636 --> 00:43:49,970
The coffee. The kids are polluted.
538
00:44:03,276 --> 00:44:05,736
- How do you know where Vernon went?
- I don't.
539
00:44:06,738 --> 00:44:09,114
Well, then how do you know
when he'll be back?
540
00:44:09,199 --> 00:44:10,532
I don't.
541
00:44:12,243 --> 00:44:15,037
Being bad feels pretty good?
542
00:44:17,332 --> 00:44:20,000
- What's the point of going to Bender's locker?
- Beats me.
543
00:44:21,378 --> 00:44:23,045
This is so stupid.
544
00:44:23,129 --> 00:44:25,756
Why do you think -
Why are we risking getting caught?
545
00:44:25,840 --> 00:44:27,758
I don't know.
546
00:44:27,842 --> 00:44:29,885
So then what are we doing?
547
00:44:29,969 --> 00:44:33,263
You ask me one more question,
and I'm beating the shit out of you.
548
00:44:33,348 --> 00:44:34,348
Sorry.
549
00:44:40,271 --> 00:44:43,399
- You're such a slob.
- My maid's on vacation.
550
00:44:59,999 --> 00:45:01,875
Drugs.
551
00:45:01,960 --> 00:45:04,503
- Screw that, Bender. Put it back.
- Drugs.
552
00:45:04,587 --> 00:45:06,130
The boy has marijuana.
553
00:45:08,675 --> 00:45:11,009
- That was marijuana.
- Shut up, dick.
554
00:45:13,555 --> 00:45:15,264
Do you approve of this?
555
00:45:26,693 --> 00:45:29,611
We'll cross through the lab
and then we'll double back.
556
00:45:29,696 --> 00:45:33,198
You better be right.
If Vernon cuts us off, it's your fault, asshole.
557
00:45:33,283 --> 00:45:35,617
What did he say?
Where are we going?
558
00:46:18,912 --> 00:46:20,913
Wait. Wait, hold it. Hold it.
559
00:46:20,997 --> 00:46:23,540
- We have to go through the cafeteria.
- No, the activities hall.
560
00:46:23,625 --> 00:46:26,043
- You don't know what you're talking about.
- No, you don't!
561
00:46:26,127 --> 00:46:27,961
We're through listening to you.
562
00:46:28,046 --> 00:46:31,131
We're going this way.
You can go where you want, Motorhead.
563
00:46:32,383 --> 00:46:33,634
Come on!
564
00:46:55,698 --> 00:46:57,825
- Shit!
- Great idea, jag-off.
565
00:46:57,909 --> 00:47:00,410
- Fuck you.
- Fuck you. Why didn't you listen to John?
566
00:47:00,495 --> 00:47:01,829
We're dead.
567
00:47:02,831 --> 00:47:04,623
No.
568
00:47:04,707 --> 00:47:06,416
Just me.
569
00:47:06,501 --> 00:47:08,418
- What do you mean?
- Get back to the library.
570
00:47:08,503 --> 00:47:10,379
Keep your unit on.
571
00:47:18,680 --> 00:47:20,013
That son of a bitch.
572
00:47:49,460 --> 00:47:51,879
Three... two...
573
00:47:51,963 --> 00:47:53,505
one!
574
00:47:55,049 --> 00:47:57,843
Bender! Bender!
575
00:47:57,927 --> 00:48:00,053
What is this?
What are you doing here? What is this?
576
00:48:00,138 --> 00:48:01,805
Hi.
577
00:48:03,641 --> 00:48:06,810
Out. That's it, Bender. Out. It's over.
578
00:48:06,895 --> 00:48:09,646
- Don't you want to hear my excuse?
- Out.
579
00:48:09,731 --> 00:48:12,316
I'm thinking of trying out
for a scholarship.
580
00:48:12,400 --> 00:48:14,151
Give me the ball, Bender.
581
00:48:14,235 --> 00:48:15,694
Give me that.
582
00:48:33,838 --> 00:48:36,131
Get your stuff. Let's go.
583
00:48:38,176 --> 00:48:41,678
Mr. Wise Guy here's taken it upon himself
to go to the gymnasium.
584
00:48:41,763 --> 00:48:46,099
I'm sorry to inform you, you're going to be
without his services for the rest of the day.
585
00:48:46,184 --> 00:48:49,102
B-O-O H-O-O.
586
00:48:49,187 --> 00:48:50,854
Everything's a big joke, Bender?
587
00:48:50,939 --> 00:48:54,983
The false alarm you pulled Friday.
False alarms are really funny, aren't they?
588
00:48:55,902 --> 00:48:58,445
What if your home, what if your family -
589
00:48:59,656 --> 00:49:01,365
What if your dope was on fire?
590
00:49:01,449 --> 00:49:05,702
Impossible, sir.
It's in Johnson's underwear.
591
00:49:06,704 --> 00:49:09,331
Oh, you think he's funny?
You think this is cute?
592
00:49:09,415 --> 00:49:11,708
You think he's bitchin'? Is that it?
593
00:49:12,293 --> 00:49:14,544
Let me tell you something.
594
00:49:14,629 --> 00:49:16,546
Look at him.
595
00:49:17,131 --> 00:49:18,674
He's a bum.
596
00:49:18,758 --> 00:49:22,928
You want to see something funny?
You go visit John Bender in five years.
597
00:49:23,012 --> 00:49:25,639
You'll see how goddamn funny he is.
598
00:49:32,772 --> 00:49:35,399
What's the matter, John? You gonna cry?
599
00:49:38,736 --> 00:49:41,780
- Let's go.
- Hey, keep your fuckin' hands off me!
600
00:49:43,074 --> 00:49:45,409
I expect better manners from you, Dick.
601
00:49:48,162 --> 00:49:49,913
For better hallway vision.
602
00:50:01,759 --> 00:50:02,968
That's the last time, Bender.
603
00:50:03,052 --> 00:50:06,346
That's the last time you ever make me look bad
in front of those kids. Do you hear me?
604
00:50:06,431 --> 00:50:09,349
I make $31,000 a year,
and I've got a home.
605
00:50:09,434 --> 00:50:11,768
And I'm not about to throw it away
on some punk like you.
606
00:50:12,562 --> 00:50:13,937
But someday, man, someday,
607
00:50:14,022 --> 00:50:16,773
when you're out of here
and you've forgotten all about this place,
608
00:50:16,858 --> 00:50:18,358
and they've forgotten all about you,
609
00:50:18,443 --> 00:50:21,028
and you're wrapped up
in your own pathetic life,
610
00:50:21,112 --> 00:50:23,071
I'm gonna be there.
611
00:50:24,282 --> 00:50:25,991
That's right.
612
00:50:26,075 --> 00:50:27,993
And I'm gonna kick the livin' shit
out of you, man.
613
00:50:28,077 --> 00:50:30,746
I'm gonna knock your dick in the dirt.
614
00:50:33,082 --> 00:50:36,752
- You threatening me?
- What are you going to do about it?
615
00:50:39,172 --> 00:50:40,922
You think anybody's gonna believe you?
616
00:50:43,259 --> 00:50:46,261
You think anybody
is gonna take your word over mine?
617
00:50:47,764 --> 00:50:51,224
I'm a man of respect around here.
They love me around here. I'm a swell guy.
618
00:50:51,309 --> 00:50:54,686
You're a lying sack of shit,
and everybody knows it.
619
00:50:57,356 --> 00:50:59,775
Oh, you're a tough guy.
Hey, hey. Come on. Come on.
620
00:50:59,859 --> 00:51:02,277
Get on your feet, pal!
621
00:51:02,361 --> 00:51:06,073
Let's find out how tough you are.
I want to know right now how tough you are.
622
00:51:06,157 --> 00:51:08,658
Come on. I'll give you the first punch.
Let's go.
623
00:51:08,743 --> 00:51:11,369
Come on, man. Right here.
Just take the first shot.
624
00:51:11,454 --> 00:51:13,747
Please, I'm begging you.
Take a shot. Right here. Come on.
625
00:51:14,916 --> 00:51:17,751
Just take one shot. That's all I need.
Just one swing.
626
00:51:27,970 --> 00:51:29,930
That's what I thought.
627
00:51:31,766 --> 00:51:34,101
You're a gutless turd.
628
00:52:14,350 --> 00:52:18,603
A naked blonde walks into a bar
with a poodle under one arm
629
00:52:18,688 --> 00:52:20,897
and a two-foot salami under the other.
630
00:52:21,524 --> 00:52:24,818
She lays the poodle on the table.
631
00:52:26,070 --> 00:52:29,823
Bartender says, "I suppose
you won't be needing a drink."
632
00:52:29,907 --> 00:52:32,075
Naked lady says -
633
00:52:32,160 --> 00:52:34,911
Oh, shit!
634
00:52:36,164 --> 00:52:38,248
Jesus Christ Almighty!
635
00:52:43,963 --> 00:52:46,006
Forgot my pencil.
636
00:52:51,262 --> 00:52:52,762
Goddamn it!
637
00:52:55,683 --> 00:52:57,726
What in God's name is going on in here?
638
00:52:59,770 --> 00:53:02,355
- What was that ruckus?
- What ruckus?
639
00:53:02,440 --> 00:53:04,774
I was just in my office,
and I heard a ruckus.
640
00:53:04,859 --> 00:53:06,860
Could you describe the ruckus, sir?
641
00:53:06,944 --> 00:53:08,778
Watch your tongue, young man. Watch it.
642
00:53:12,450 --> 00:53:15,076
What is this?
643
00:53:15,161 --> 00:53:18,663
What is that? What-What is that -
What is that noise?
644
00:53:18,748 --> 00:53:19,873
What noise?
645
00:53:19,957 --> 00:53:21,958
Really, sir, there wasn't any noise.
646
00:53:32,553 --> 00:53:34,721
That noise? Was that the noise
you were talking about?
647
00:53:34,805 --> 00:53:38,016
No, it wasn't.
That was not the noise I was talking about.
648
00:53:38,100 --> 00:53:43,355
Now, I may not have caught you
in the act this time, but you can bet I will.
649
00:53:45,942 --> 00:53:48,318
You make book on that, missy.
650
00:53:48,402 --> 00:53:50,070
And you!
651
00:53:50,154 --> 00:53:52,239
I will not be made a fool of.
652
00:54:08,714 --> 00:54:12,008
- It was an accident.
- You're an asshole.
653
00:54:13,427 --> 00:54:15,053
Sue me.
654
00:54:21,560 --> 00:54:24,104
So, Ahab, can I have all my doobage?
655
00:54:33,364 --> 00:54:35,907
Yo, wastoid.
You're not gonna blaze up in here.
656
00:55:06,522 --> 00:55:07,731
I'm not going.
657
00:55:24,874 --> 00:55:26,374
Shit.
658
00:56:22,223 --> 00:56:25,934
Chicks cannot hold "dey" smoke.
That's what it is.
659
00:56:29,730 --> 00:56:33,149
Do you know how popular I am?
660
00:56:33,984 --> 00:56:35,693
I am so popular.
661
00:56:35,778 --> 00:56:38,613
Everybody loves me so much at this school.
662
00:56:38,697 --> 00:56:40,323
Poor baby.
663
00:57:57,818 --> 00:57:59,444
No way, man!
664
00:58:02,740 --> 00:58:04,699
Mr.
665
00:58:04,783 --> 00:58:06,868
Oh, Mr. Tierney.
666
00:58:06,952 --> 00:58:10,955
"A history of slight mental illness."
667
00:58:11,040 --> 00:58:13,958
Oh. No wonder he's so fucked up.
668
00:58:14,043 --> 00:58:15,919
Afternoon, Dick.
669
00:58:16,003 --> 00:58:17,795
Hey, Carl. How you doing?
670
00:58:17,880 --> 00:58:19,589
- Good.
- Good. What's up?
671
00:58:19,673 --> 00:58:22,967
Not much. What's happening?
What are you doing in the basement files?
672
00:58:23,052 --> 00:58:25,470
Oh, nothin'. Nothin' here.
I'm just doing a little homework here.
673
00:58:25,554 --> 00:58:27,514
- Homework?
- Yeah.
674
00:58:30,059 --> 00:58:32,268
Confidential files?
675
00:58:33,354 --> 00:58:37,106
Look, Carl, this is a highly sensitive area,
and I tell you something -
676
00:58:37,191 --> 00:58:39,108
Certain people would be
very, very embarrassed.
677
00:58:40,027 --> 00:58:42,487
I would really appreciate it
if-if-if this would be something
678
00:58:42,571 --> 00:58:45,365
that you and I could -
could keep between us.
679
00:58:46,784 --> 00:58:49,410
- What are you gonna do for me, man?
- Wh-What would you like?
680
00:58:49,495 --> 00:58:52,247
- Got 50 bucks?
- What?
681
00:58:52,331 --> 00:58:54,207
Fifty bucks.
682
00:58:56,335 --> 00:58:59,837
No, no, no, man.
No. You got a middle name?
683
00:58:59,922 --> 00:59:02,507
Yeah. Guess.
684
00:59:02,591 --> 00:59:05,385
Your middle name is Ralph.
685
00:59:05,469 --> 00:59:07,595
As in "puke."
686
00:59:08,597 --> 00:59:12,392
Your birthday is March 12,
you're 5'9" and a half,
687
00:59:12,476 --> 00:59:14,686
you weigh 130 pounds,
688
00:59:14,770 --> 00:59:17,146
and your social security number is
689
00:59:17,231 --> 00:59:22,610
049-38-0913.
690
00:59:24,488 --> 00:59:26,739
Wow. Are you psychic?
691
00:59:26,824 --> 00:59:28,324
No.
692
00:59:30,202 --> 00:59:32,996
Would you mind telling me
how you know all this about me?
693
00:59:37,126 --> 00:59:39,252
- I stole your wallet.
- Give it to me.
694
00:59:39,336 --> 00:59:40,837
- No.
- Give it.
695
00:59:43,132 --> 00:59:45,592
- This is great. You're a thief too?
- I'm not a thief.
696
00:59:45,676 --> 00:59:47,093
Multi talented.
697
00:59:47,177 --> 00:59:50,179
What's there to steal?
Two bucks and a beaver shot.
698
00:59:50,264 --> 00:59:52,265
- A what?
- He's got a nudie picture in there.
699
00:59:52,349 --> 00:59:54,892
- I saw it. It's perverted.
- All right. Let's see it.
700
01:00:03,527 --> 01:00:06,779
- Are all these your girlfriends?
- Some of them.
701
01:00:07,406 --> 01:00:08,948
What about the others?
702
01:00:09,033 --> 01:00:13,661
Well, some I consider my girlfriends,
and some I just consider.
703
01:00:13,746 --> 01:00:15,371
Consider what?
704
01:00:15,456 --> 01:00:17,415
Whether or not
I want to hang out with them.
705
01:00:18,125 --> 01:00:19,959
You don't believe
in just one guy, one girl?
706
01:00:21,754 --> 01:00:24,088
- Do you?
- Yeah.
707
01:00:24,173 --> 01:00:26,215
That's the way it should be.
708
01:00:26,300 --> 01:00:28,760
- Well, not for me.
- Why not?
709
01:00:30,054 --> 01:00:32,263
How come you've got so much shit
in your purse?
710
01:00:32,348 --> 01:00:34,766
- How come you have so many girlfriends?
- I asked you first.
711
01:00:36,435 --> 01:00:38,353
I don't know.
I guess I never throw anything away.
712
01:00:40,022 --> 01:00:42,273
Neither do I.
713
01:00:43,901 --> 01:00:46,736
This is the worst fake ID I've ever seen.
714
01:00:48,656 --> 01:00:50,907
You realize you made yourself 68?
715
01:00:50,991 --> 01:00:52,992
I know. I know. I goofed it.
716
01:00:53,077 --> 01:00:56,079
- What do you need a fake ID for?
- So I can vote.
717
01:00:58,207 --> 01:01:00,708
You want to see what's in my bag?
718
01:01:00,793 --> 01:01:01,834
- No.
- No.
719
01:01:17,434 --> 01:01:19,185
Holy shit.
720
01:01:20,312 --> 01:01:21,813
What is all that stuff?
721
01:01:21,897 --> 01:01:24,190
Do you always carry this much shit
in your bag?
722
01:01:25,025 --> 01:01:26,818
Yeah.
723
01:01:26,902 --> 01:01:30,238
I always carry this much shit in my bag.
724
01:01:31,615 --> 01:01:34,367
You never know when you may have to jam.
725
01:01:35,285 --> 01:01:37,620
Are you going to be,
like, a shopping bag lady?
726
01:01:38,956 --> 01:01:42,458
You know, like, sit in alleyways
and, like, talk to buildings
727
01:01:42,543 --> 01:01:44,627
and wear men's shoes
and that kind of thing?
728
01:01:44,712 --> 01:01:47,213
I'll do what I have to do.
729
01:01:47,297 --> 01:01:49,799
Why do you have to do anything?
730
01:01:50,801 --> 01:01:55,555
My home life is unsatisfying.
731
01:01:56,598 --> 01:02:00,727
So you're saying you'd subject yourself
to the violent dangers of these Chicago streets
732
01:02:00,811 --> 01:02:02,895
because your home life is unsatisfying?
733
01:02:02,980 --> 01:02:05,148
I don't have to run away
and live in the street.
734
01:02:05,232 --> 01:02:08,234
I can run away and I can go to the ocean.
I can go to the country.
735
01:02:08,318 --> 01:02:10,945
I can go to the mountains.
I could go to Israel, Africa.
736
01:02:11,029 --> 01:02:12,530
Afghanistan.
737
01:02:21,790 --> 01:02:23,833
Andy, you want to get in on this?
738
01:02:23,917 --> 01:02:27,128
Allison here says she wants to run away
739
01:02:27,212 --> 01:02:30,631
because her home life is unsatisfying.
740
01:02:32,801 --> 01:02:34,802
Well, everyone's home life is unsatisfying.
741
01:02:36,597 --> 01:02:39,640
If it wasn't, people would live
with their parents forever.
742
01:02:39,725 --> 01:02:43,019
Yeah, yeah, I understand,
but I think hers goes beyond
743
01:02:43,103 --> 01:02:48,024
what guys like you and me
consider normal unsatisfying.
744
01:02:48,108 --> 01:02:50,610
Never mind. Forget it. Everything's cool.
745
01:02:51,528 --> 01:02:53,154
- What's the deal?
- No.
746
01:02:54,406 --> 01:02:56,699
There's no deal, sporto.
747
01:02:56,784 --> 01:02:59,410
- Forget it. Leave me alone.
- Wait a minute.
748
01:02:59,495 --> 01:03:02,580
Now, you're carrying
all that crap around in your purse.
749
01:03:02,664 --> 01:03:06,918
Either you really wanna run away
or you want people to think you wanna run away.
750
01:03:07,002 --> 01:03:08,795
Eat shit.
751
01:03:10,714 --> 01:03:14,717
The girl is an island unto herself. Okay?
752
01:03:24,436 --> 01:03:25,436
Hi.
753
01:03:27,231 --> 01:03:29,232
- You want to talk?
- No.
754
01:03:29,316 --> 01:03:30,358
Why not?
755
01:03:32,069 --> 01:03:34,403
Go away.
756
01:03:34,488 --> 01:03:37,031
- Where do you want me to go?
- Go away!
757
01:03:47,876 --> 01:03:50,670
- You have problems.
- Oh, I have problems?
758
01:03:50,754 --> 01:03:52,922
You do everything
everybody ever tells you to do.
759
01:03:53,006 --> 01:03:55,299
- That is a problem.
- Okay, fine.
760
01:03:55,384 --> 01:03:59,053
But I didn't dump my purse out on the couch
and invite people into my problems.
761
01:04:00,722 --> 01:04:02,098
Did I?
762
01:04:06,979 --> 01:04:08,771
So what's wrong?
763
01:04:10,190 --> 01:04:12,024
What is it?
764
01:04:16,864 --> 01:04:18,823
Is it bad?
765
01:04:18,907 --> 01:04:20,950
Real bad?
766
01:04:21,034 --> 01:04:22,535
Parents?
767
01:04:38,302 --> 01:04:40,303
Yeah.
768
01:04:49,813 --> 01:04:51,981
What did they do to you?
769
01:04:54,276 --> 01:04:56,068
They ignore me.
770
01:04:58,238 --> 01:04:59,739
Yeah.
771
01:05:03,160 --> 01:05:04,660
Yeah.
772
01:05:07,831 --> 01:05:10,374
What did you want to be
when you were young?
773
01:05:12,085 --> 01:05:15,129
When I was a kid,
I wanted to be John Lennon.
774
01:05:16,381 --> 01:05:20,301
Carl, don't be a goof.
I'm trying to make a serious point here.
775
01:05:21,386 --> 01:05:24,221
Carl, I've been teaching for 22 years.
776
01:05:26,141 --> 01:05:29,602
And each year, these kids
get more and more arrogant.
777
01:05:29,686 --> 01:05:31,979
Aw, bullshit, man.
778
01:05:32,064 --> 01:05:34,941
Come on, Vern.
The kids haven't changed. You have.
779
01:05:37,569 --> 01:05:40,446
You took a teaching position
because you thought it'd be fun, right?
780
01:05:41,239 --> 01:05:43,699
Thought you could have
summer vacations off.
781
01:05:43,784 --> 01:05:47,578
And then you found out it was actually work.
That really bummed you out.
782
01:05:50,457 --> 01:05:52,458
These kids turned on me.
783
01:05:55,253 --> 01:05:57,672
They think I'm a big fucking joke.
784
01:05:57,756 --> 01:05:59,632
Come off it.
785
01:05:59,716 --> 01:06:03,344
Listen, Vern, if you were 16,
what would you think of you?
786
01:06:03,428 --> 01:06:08,432
Hey, Carl, you think I give one rat's ass
what these kids think of me?
787
01:06:08,517 --> 01:06:10,601
Yes, I do.
788
01:06:11,728 --> 01:06:13,521
You think about this.
789
01:06:13,605 --> 01:06:15,356
When you get old, these kids -
790
01:06:15,440 --> 01:06:18,150
When I get old,
they're gonna be running the country.
791
01:06:18,235 --> 01:06:20,403
Yeah.
792
01:06:21,363 --> 01:06:25,199
Now, this is the thought that wakes me up
in the middle of the night -
793
01:06:25,826 --> 01:06:28,828
That when I get older,
these kids are gonna take care of me.
794
01:06:30,163 --> 01:06:31,539
I wouldn't count on it.
795
01:06:36,003 --> 01:06:38,295
What would I do for a million bucks?
796
01:06:39,715 --> 01:06:42,341
I guess I'd do as little as I had to.
797
01:06:42,426 --> 01:06:44,802
- That's boring.
- How am I supposed to answer?
798
01:06:45,762 --> 01:06:49,140
The idea is to, like, search your mind
for the absolute limit.
799
01:06:49,224 --> 01:06:50,391
Like...
800
01:06:52,436 --> 01:06:54,645
would you drive to school naked?
801
01:06:56,398 --> 01:06:59,692
Would I have to get out of the car?
802
01:07:00,986 --> 01:07:03,779
- Of course.
- In the spring or winter?
803
01:07:03,864 --> 01:07:05,823
Doesn't matter. Spring.
804
01:07:05,907 --> 01:07:08,451
In front of the school
or in back of the school?
805
01:07:08,535 --> 01:07:11,245
- Either one.
- Yes.
806
01:07:11,329 --> 01:07:13,664
I'd do that.
807
01:07:14,374 --> 01:07:17,126
I'll do anything sexual. I don't need
a million dollars to do it either.
808
01:07:18,754 --> 01:07:21,589
- You're lying.
- I already have.
809
01:07:21,673 --> 01:07:25,051
I've done just about everything there is,
except a few things that are illegal.
810
01:07:26,470 --> 01:07:28,304
I'm a nymphomaniac.
811
01:07:29,848 --> 01:07:30,931
Lie.
812
01:07:31,975 --> 01:07:34,101
Are your parents aware of this?
813
01:07:34,186 --> 01:07:35,978
The only person I told was my shrink.
814
01:07:36,772 --> 01:07:40,316
- What did he do when you told him?
- He nailed me.
815
01:07:44,404 --> 01:07:46,072
Very nice.
816
01:07:46,156 --> 01:07:48,574
I don't think that, from a legal standpoint,
817
01:07:48,658 --> 01:07:51,452
what he did can be construed as rape
since I paid him.
818
01:07:51,536 --> 01:07:53,037
He's an adult.
819
01:07:53,121 --> 01:07:55,623
Yeah. He's married too.
820
01:07:55,707 --> 01:08:00,002
Oh! Do you have any idea
how completely gross that is?
821
01:08:00,087 --> 01:08:03,214
- Well, the first few times -
- The first few times?
822
01:08:03,298 --> 01:08:05,758
- You mean you did it more than once?
- Sure.
823
01:08:05,842 --> 01:08:07,343
Are you crazy?
824
01:08:07,427 --> 01:08:10,554
Obviously she's crazy
if she's screwing her shrink.
825
01:08:11,723 --> 01:08:13,724
Have you ever done it?
826
01:08:16,103 --> 01:08:18,229
I don't even have a psychiatrist.
827
01:08:18,313 --> 01:08:20,397
Have you ever done it
with a normal person?
828
01:08:21,024 --> 01:08:24,610
- Didn't we already cover this?
- You never answered the question.
829
01:08:26,113 --> 01:08:28,948
Look, I'm not gonna discuss my private life
with total strangers.
830
01:08:29,032 --> 01:08:32,409
- It's kind of a double-edged sword, isn't it?
- A what?
831
01:08:32,494 --> 01:08:35,496
Well, if you say you haven't,
you're a prude.
832
01:08:36,248 --> 01:08:38,958
If you say you have, you're a slut.
833
01:08:39,042 --> 01:08:40,543
It's a trap.
834
01:08:40,627 --> 01:08:42,336
You want to, but you can't.
835
01:08:42,420 --> 01:08:44,755
And when you do,
you wish you didn't, right?
836
01:08:44,840 --> 01:08:48,092
- Wrong.
- Or are you a tease?
837
01:08:49,469 --> 01:08:52,680
- She's a tease.
- I'm sure. Why don't you just forget it?
838
01:08:52,764 --> 01:08:55,224
Oh, you're a tease and you know it.
All girls are teases.
839
01:08:55,308 --> 01:08:57,351
She's only a tease
if what she does gets you hot.
840
01:08:57,435 --> 01:08:58,769
I don't do anything!
841
01:08:58,854 --> 01:09:01,647
That's why you're a tease.
842
01:09:01,731 --> 01:09:05,442
- Okay, let me ask you a few questions.
- I already told you everything.
843
01:09:05,527 --> 01:09:08,112
No, doesn't it bother you to sleep around
without being in love?
844
01:09:08,196 --> 01:09:09,613
Don't you want any respect?
845
01:09:09,698 --> 01:09:13,909
I don't screw to get respect.
That's a difference between you and me.
846
01:09:14,578 --> 01:09:17,037
- It's not the only difference, I hope.
- Face it.
847
01:09:17,122 --> 01:09:18,956
- You're a tease.
- I'm not a tease.
848
01:09:19,040 --> 01:09:22,001
Sure, you are. Sex is your weapon.
You said it yourself.
849
01:09:22,085 --> 01:09:23,961
You use it to get respect.
850
01:09:25,172 --> 01:09:27,798
No, I never said that.
She twisted my words around.
851
01:09:27,883 --> 01:09:30,968
- What do you use if for then?
- I don't use it, period!
852
01:09:31,052 --> 01:09:34,680
Oh, are you medically frigid,
or is it psychological?
853
01:09:34,764 --> 01:09:38,058
I didn't mean it that way.
You guys are putting words into my mouth!
854
01:09:38,143 --> 01:09:39,935
Well, if you'd just answer the question.
855
01:09:40,020 --> 01:09:42,396
- Why don't you answer the question?
- Be honest. No big deal.
856
01:09:42,480 --> 01:09:44,440
- Answer it.
- Answer the question, Claire.
857
01:09:44,524 --> 01:09:47,109
- Talk to us.
- Come on, answer the question!
858
01:09:47,194 --> 01:09:49,695
It's easy. It's only one question.
859
01:09:49,779 --> 01:09:51,906
No! I never did it!
860
01:09:56,494 --> 01:09:58,329
I never did it either.
861
01:10:01,333 --> 01:10:03,417
I'm not a nymphomaniac.
862
01:10:03,501 --> 01:10:05,044
I'm a compulsive liar.
863
01:10:06,171 --> 01:10:08,672
You are such a bitch!
864
01:10:09,716 --> 01:10:12,009
You did that on purpose,
just to fuck me over.
865
01:10:12,093 --> 01:10:14,386
I would do it though.
866
01:10:14,471 --> 01:10:17,348
If you love someone, it's okay.
867
01:10:17,432 --> 01:10:19,516
I can't believe you. You're so weird.
868
01:10:19,601 --> 01:10:22,436
You don't say anything all day,
and then when you open your mouth,
869
01:10:22,520 --> 01:10:25,147
you unload all these tremendous lies
all over me.
870
01:10:25,232 --> 01:10:28,943
You're just pissed off because she got you
to admit something you didn't want to admit to.
871
01:10:29,027 --> 01:10:31,237
Okay, fine, but that doesn't
make it any less bizarre.
872
01:10:31,321 --> 01:10:33,155
What's bizarre?
873
01:10:33,240 --> 01:10:35,824
We're all pretty bizarre.
874
01:10:35,909 --> 01:10:38,911
Some of us are just better at hiding it,
that's all.
875
01:10:38,995 --> 01:10:41,247
How are you bizarre?
876
01:10:42,832 --> 01:10:45,209
He can't think for himself.
877
01:10:46,336 --> 01:10:47,461
She's right.
878
01:10:49,339 --> 01:10:51,423
Do you guys know
what I did to get in here?
879
01:10:54,302 --> 01:10:56,679
I taped Larry Lester's buns together.
880
01:10:57,597 --> 01:10:58,722
That was you?
881
01:11:00,100 --> 01:11:02,768
- Yeah. You know him?
- Yeah, I know him.
882
01:11:04,145 --> 01:11:07,147
Well, then you know how hairy he is, right?
883
01:11:07,232 --> 01:11:09,984
Well, when they pulled the tape off,
884
01:11:10,068 --> 01:11:13,654
most of his hair came off,
and some - some skin too.
885
01:11:13,738 --> 01:11:15,864
Oh, my God.
886
01:11:15,949 --> 01:11:18,867
And the bizarre thing is,
887
01:11:18,952 --> 01:11:21,203
is that I did it for my old man.
888
01:11:22,831 --> 01:11:25,582
I tortured this poor kid
889
01:11:25,667 --> 01:11:28,168
because I wanted him to think
that I was cool.
890
01:11:31,006 --> 01:11:34,591
He's always going off
about when he was in school...
891
01:11:35,593 --> 01:11:37,886
all the wild things he used to do.
892
01:11:39,180 --> 01:11:42,099
And I got the feeling
that he was disappointed
893
01:11:42,183 --> 01:11:44,560
that I never cut loose on anyone, right?
894
01:11:47,397 --> 01:11:50,149
So I'm sitting in the locker room...
895
01:11:51,484 --> 01:11:53,527
and I'm taping up my knee...
896
01:11:55,613 --> 01:11:59,700
and Larry's undressing
a couple of lockers down from me.
897
01:12:02,162 --> 01:12:05,289
And... he's kind of -
898
01:12:05,373 --> 01:12:07,958
he's kind of skinny, weak.
899
01:12:09,961 --> 01:12:13,756
And I started thinking about my father
900
01:12:13,840 --> 01:12:16,842
and his attitude about - about weakness.
901
01:12:18,553 --> 01:12:20,554
And the next thing I knew...
902
01:12:22,307 --> 01:12:25,851
I- I jumped on top of him
and started whaling on him.
903
01:12:28,438 --> 01:12:31,231
And my friends,
they just laughed and cheered me on.
904
01:12:34,944 --> 01:12:36,570
And afterwards...
905
01:12:38,656 --> 01:12:41,241
when I was sitting in Vernon's office...
906
01:12:44,204 --> 01:12:46,413
all I could think about...
907
01:12:47,540 --> 01:12:49,375
was Larry's father...
908
01:12:51,086 --> 01:12:53,170
and Larry having to go home...
909
01:12:55,298 --> 01:12:58,884
and - and explain what happened to him.
910
01:13:02,722 --> 01:13:05,140
And... the humiliation -
911
01:13:07,310 --> 01:13:10,020
the fucking humiliation he must have felt.
912
01:13:13,733 --> 01:13:15,734
It must have been unreal.
913
01:13:18,530 --> 01:13:21,740
I mean, how do you apologize
for something like that?
914
01:13:26,121 --> 01:13:27,746
There's no way.
915
01:13:32,377 --> 01:13:34,795
It's all because of me and my old man.
916
01:13:39,134 --> 01:13:40,968
God, I fucking hate him.
917
01:13:43,763 --> 01:13:45,180
He's like this -
918
01:13:45,265 --> 01:13:48,559
He's like this mindless machine
that I can't even relate to anymore.
919
01:13:50,311 --> 01:13:52,563
"Andrew,
920
01:13:52,647 --> 01:13:54,857
you've got to be number one!
921
01:13:55,733 --> 01:13:58,360
I won't tolerate any losers in this family.
922
01:13:58,445 --> 01:14:00,529
Your intensity is for shit!
923
01:14:00,613 --> 01:14:02,781
Win! Win! Win!"
924
01:14:04,617 --> 01:14:06,994
You son of a bitch.
925
01:14:09,998 --> 01:14:13,083
You know, sometimes
I wish my knee would give.
926
01:14:14,502 --> 01:14:17,463
Then I wouldn't be able
to wrestle anymore.
927
01:14:18,214 --> 01:14:20,507
Then he could forget all about me.
928
01:14:21,759 --> 01:14:25,846
I think your old man and my old man
should get together and go bowling.
929
01:14:31,478 --> 01:14:34,354
It's like me, you know, with my grades,
930
01:14:34,439 --> 01:14:37,566
like when I - when I -
when I step outside myself, kind of,
931
01:14:37,650 --> 01:14:40,527
and, like, when I look in at myself,
you know?
932
01:14:43,740 --> 01:14:45,574
And I see me.
933
01:14:49,370 --> 01:14:51,371
I don't like what I see.
934
01:14:52,874 --> 01:14:54,833
I really don't.
935
01:14:54,918 --> 01:14:57,044
What's wrong with you?
936
01:14:57,128 --> 01:14:59,421
Why don't you like yourself?
937
01:15:00,215 --> 01:15:01,924
Sounds stupid, but...
938
01:15:06,095 --> 01:15:07,721
because I'm failing shop.
939
01:15:09,557 --> 01:15:13,393
We had this assignment, you know,
to make this, like, ceramic elephant.
940
01:15:14,437 --> 01:15:16,647
And we had eight weeks to do it.
941
01:15:16,731 --> 01:15:20,150
And then, you know, we're supposed to -
It was like a lamp.
942
01:15:20,235 --> 01:15:24,238
And, you know, when you pull the trunk,
the light was supposed to go on.
943
01:15:26,449 --> 01:15:29,326
You know, but my light didn't go on.
944
01:15:29,410 --> 01:15:31,161
I got an "F" on it.
945
01:15:33,373 --> 01:15:36,124
I've never gotten an "F" in my life.
946
01:15:36,209 --> 01:15:40,837
When I signed up for the course, I mean,
I thought I was playing it real smart.
947
01:15:40,922 --> 01:15:42,923
'Cause I thought, "I'll take shop.
948
01:15:43,007 --> 01:15:45,425
It'll be such an easy way to maintain
my grade point average."
949
01:15:45,510 --> 01:15:47,427
Why'd you think it'd be easy?
950
01:15:50,223 --> 01:15:52,015
Have you seen
some of the dopes that take shop?
951
01:15:52,100 --> 01:15:53,725
I take shop.
952
01:15:54,394 --> 01:15:56,019
You must be a fuckin' idiot.
953
01:15:56,104 --> 01:15:57,896
I'm a fuckin' idiot
because I can't make a lamp?
954
01:15:57,981 --> 01:16:00,524
No, you're a genius
'cause you can't make a lamp.
955
01:16:02,235 --> 01:16:05,153
- What do you know about trigonometry?
- I could care less about trigonometry.
956
01:16:05,238 --> 01:16:08,115
Bender, did you know, without trigonometry
there'd be no engineering?
957
01:16:08,199 --> 01:16:10,033
Without lamps, there'd be no light.
958
01:16:10,118 --> 01:16:13,829
Okay, so neither one of you
is any better than the other one.
959
01:16:13,913 --> 01:16:16,290
I can write with my toes.
960
01:16:17,208 --> 01:16:19,751
I can also eat, brush my teeth -
961
01:16:19,836 --> 01:16:22,337
With your feet?
962
01:16:22,422 --> 01:16:25,173
- Play "Heart and Soul" on the piano.
- I can make spaghetti.
963
01:16:27,135 --> 01:16:29,052
What can you do?
964
01:16:29,137 --> 01:16:32,472
I can, tape all of your
buns together.
965
01:16:32,557 --> 01:16:35,559
I wanna see what Claire can do.
966
01:16:35,643 --> 01:16:38,228
- I can't do anything.
- You know, everybody can do something.
967
01:16:40,356 --> 01:16:43,066
There's one thing I can do.
968
01:16:43,151 --> 01:16:46,528
- No, forget it. It's way too embarrassing.
- You ever seen Wild Kingdom?
969
01:16:46,613 --> 01:16:49,573
That guy's been doing that show
for 30 years.
970
01:16:49,657 --> 01:16:53,994
Okay, but you have to swear to God
you won't laugh.
971
01:16:57,665 --> 01:16:59,166
Okay.
972
01:17:01,336 --> 01:17:04,087
I can't believe I'm actually doing this.
973
01:17:19,270 --> 01:17:21,563
All right. That's great.
974
01:17:22,982 --> 01:17:25,609
- Where'd you learn to do that?
- Camp, seventh grade.
975
01:17:31,574 --> 01:17:33,450
That was great, Claire.
976
01:17:34,702 --> 01:17:36,953
My image of you is totally blown.
977
01:17:37,038 --> 01:17:39,706
You're a shit. Don't do that to her.
978
01:17:39,791 --> 01:17:42,459
- You swore to God you wouldn't laugh.
- Am I laughing?
979
01:17:42,543 --> 01:17:44,044
You fucking prick!
980
01:17:46,881 --> 01:17:49,883
What do you care what I think, anyway?
981
01:17:51,260 --> 01:17:53,887
I don't even count, right?
982
01:17:53,971 --> 01:17:57,391
I could disappear forever,
and it wouldn't make any difference.
983
01:17:59,477 --> 01:18:02,270
I may as well not even exist
at this school.
984
01:18:02,355 --> 01:18:03,855
Remember?
985
01:18:07,360 --> 01:18:10,987
And you... don't like me anyway.
986
01:18:11,072 --> 01:18:13,281
You know,
I have just as many feelings as you do,
987
01:18:13,366 --> 01:18:15,784
and it hurts just as much
when somebody steps all over them.
988
01:18:15,868 --> 01:18:17,619
God, you're so pathetic.
989
01:18:17,704 --> 01:18:22,874
Don't you ever, ever
compare yourself to me. Okay?
990
01:18:22,959 --> 01:18:26,044
You got everything, and I got shit.
991
01:18:26,129 --> 01:18:28,213
Fucking Rapunzel, right?
992
01:18:28,297 --> 01:18:31,299
School would probably fuckin' shut down
if you didn't show up.
993
01:18:31,384 --> 01:18:34,010
Queenie isn't here.
994
01:18:34,095 --> 01:18:36,680
I like those earrings, Claire.
995
01:18:36,764 --> 01:18:39,099
- Shut up.
- Are those real diamonds, Claire?
996
01:18:39,183 --> 01:18:41,393
- Shut up.
- I bet they are.
997
01:18:42,645 --> 01:18:44,938
Did you work for the money
for those earrings?
998
01:18:45,022 --> 01:18:46,940
Shut your mouth.
999
01:18:47,024 --> 01:18:49,693
- Or did Daddy buy those for you?
- Shut up!
1000
01:18:49,777 --> 01:18:52,154
I bet he bought those for you.
1001
01:18:52,238 --> 01:18:56,241
I bet those were a Christmas gift, right?
1002
01:18:56,325 --> 01:18:58,160
You know what I got for Christmas
this year?
1003
01:18:58,244 --> 01:19:01,079
It was a banner fuckin' year
at the old Bender family.
1004
01:19:01,164 --> 01:19:02,956
I got a carton of cigarettes.
1005
01:19:03,040 --> 01:19:06,251
The old man grabbed me,
said, "Hey, smoke up, Johnny."
1006
01:19:06,878 --> 01:19:10,088
Okay, so go home and cry to your daddy.
Don't cry here, okay?
1007
01:19:22,518 --> 01:19:25,020
My God, are we gonna be like our parents?
1008
01:19:26,147 --> 01:19:27,147
Not me.
1009
01:19:30,610 --> 01:19:31,860
Ever.
1010
01:19:34,071 --> 01:19:35,989
It's unavoidable.
1011
01:19:36,991 --> 01:19:38,617
Just happens.
1012
01:19:40,203 --> 01:19:41,745
What happens?
1013
01:19:43,790 --> 01:19:47,542
When you grow up... your heart dies.
1014
01:19:47,627 --> 01:19:48,919
Who cares?
1015
01:19:50,588 --> 01:19:52,047
I care.
1016
01:19:54,383 --> 01:19:56,676
I was just thinking, I mean...
1017
01:19:58,012 --> 01:20:01,431
I know it's kind of a weird time,
but I was just wondering...
1018
01:20:04,519 --> 01:20:08,522
what is gonna happen to us on Monday
when we're all together again?
1019
01:20:10,316 --> 01:20:12,818
I mean, I consider you guys my friends.
1020
01:20:14,111 --> 01:20:15,779
I'm not wrong, am I?
1021
01:20:17,281 --> 01:20:18,281
No.
1022
01:20:19,450 --> 01:20:21,910
So on Monday, what happens?
1023
01:20:21,994 --> 01:20:23,829
Are we still friends, you mean?
1024
01:20:25,081 --> 01:20:27,499
- If we're friends now, that is?
- Yeah.
1025
01:20:29,126 --> 01:20:32,462
- Do you want the truth?
- Yeah, I want the truth.
1026
01:20:34,048 --> 01:20:36,049
I don't think so.
1027
01:20:37,510 --> 01:20:39,302
With all of us or just John?
1028
01:20:40,763 --> 01:20:42,347
With all of you.
1029
01:20:42,431 --> 01:20:46,309
- That's a real nice attitude, Claire.
- Oh, be honest, Andy.
1030
01:20:46,394 --> 01:20:49,271
If Brian came walking up to you in the hall
on Monday, what would you do?
1031
01:20:50,773 --> 01:20:53,817
I mean, picture this.
You're there with all the sports.
1032
01:20:53,901 --> 01:20:55,652
I know exactly what you'd do.
1033
01:20:55,736 --> 01:20:57,904
You'd say hi to him,
and when he left, you'd cut him all up
1034
01:20:57,989 --> 01:21:00,323
so your friends wouldn't think
that you really liked him.
1035
01:21:00,408 --> 01:21:01,867
No way.
1036
01:21:03,661 --> 01:21:05,787
Okay. What if I came up to you?
1037
01:21:05,872 --> 01:21:07,497
The same exact thing.
1038
01:21:07,582 --> 01:21:10,500
You are a bitch!
1039
01:21:10,585 --> 01:21:13,295
Why? 'Cause I'm telling the truth?
That makes me a bitch?
1040
01:21:13,379 --> 01:21:15,964
No. 'Cause you know
how shitty that is to do to someone,
1041
01:21:16,048 --> 01:21:18,425
and you don't got the balls
to stand up to your friends
1042
01:21:18,509 --> 01:21:20,635
and tell 'em that you're gonna like
who you wanna like.
1043
01:21:20,720 --> 01:21:22,971
Okay, what about you, you hypocrite?
1044
01:21:23,055 --> 01:21:26,349
Why don't you take Allison to one
of your heavy metal vomit parties?
1045
01:21:26,434 --> 01:21:28,810
Or take Brian out to the parking lot
at lunch to get high?
1046
01:21:28,895 --> 01:21:31,271
What about Andy, for that matter?
What about me?
1047
01:21:31,355 --> 01:21:34,274
What would your friends say
if we were walking down the hall together?
1048
01:21:34,358 --> 01:21:37,652
They'd laugh their asses off, and you'd probably
tell them that you were doing it with me
1049
01:21:37,737 --> 01:21:39,321
so they'd forgive you
for being seen with me.
1050
01:21:39,405 --> 01:21:41,448
Don't you ever talk about my friends!
1051
01:21:41,532 --> 01:21:44,367
You don't know any of my friends,
you don't look at any of my friends,
1052
01:21:44,452 --> 01:21:47,203
and you certainly wouldn't condescend
to speak to any of my friends!
1053
01:21:47,288 --> 01:21:49,122
So you just stick to the things
that you know -
1054
01:21:49,206 --> 01:21:51,958
shopping, nail polish, your father's BMW
1055
01:21:52,043 --> 01:21:54,544
and your poor, rich,
drunk mother in the Caribbean!
1056
01:21:54,629 --> 01:21:55,629
Shut up!
1057
01:21:55,713 --> 01:21:58,882
As far as being concerned about what's gonna
happen when you and I walk down the hallways,
1058
01:21:58,966 --> 01:22:01,343
you can forget it
'cause it's never gonna happen!
1059
01:22:01,427 --> 01:22:04,638
Just bury your head in the sand
and wait for your fuckin' prom.
1060
01:22:04,722 --> 01:22:06,348
I hate you!
1061
01:22:06,432 --> 01:22:07,766
Yeah? Good!
1062
01:22:14,315 --> 01:22:17,025
Then I assume Allison and I
are better people than you guys?
1063
01:22:18,527 --> 01:22:20,654
Us weirdos?
1064
01:22:22,281 --> 01:22:24,824
Would you - Would you do that to me?
1065
01:22:25,743 --> 01:22:27,369
I don't have any friends.
1066
01:22:29,747 --> 01:22:31,414
Well, if you did.
1067
01:22:31,499 --> 01:22:32,999
No.
1068
01:22:35,378 --> 01:22:37,921
I don't think the kind of friends
I'd have would mind.
1069
01:22:39,256 --> 01:22:43,510
I just want to tell each of you
that I wouldn't do that.
1070
01:22:44,637 --> 01:22:46,638
I wouldn't and I will not.
1071
01:22:49,475 --> 01:22:51,810
'Cause I think that's real shitty.
1072
01:22:53,771 --> 01:22:56,314
Your friends wouldn't mind
because they look up to us.
1073
01:23:00,236 --> 01:23:03,238
You're so conceited, Claire.
1074
01:23:03,322 --> 01:23:05,699
You're so conceited.
1075
01:23:05,783 --> 01:23:07,784
You're so, like, full of yourself.
Why are you like that?
1076
01:23:07,868 --> 01:23:11,705
I'm not saying that to be conceited.
1077
01:23:11,789 --> 01:23:15,875
I hate it. I hate having to go along
with everything my friends say.
1078
01:23:15,960 --> 01:23:18,628
Then why do you do it?
1079
01:23:18,713 --> 01:23:20,338
I don't know. I don't...
1080
01:23:21,924 --> 01:23:23,758
You don't understand. You don't...
1081
01:23:25,177 --> 01:23:29,014
You're not friends with the same kind
of people that Andy and I are friends with.
1082
01:23:29,098 --> 01:23:33,810
You know, you just don't understand
the pressure that they can put on you.
1083
01:23:33,894 --> 01:23:35,937
I don't understand what?
1084
01:23:36,022 --> 01:23:38,023
You think I don't
understand pressure, Claire?
1085
01:23:39,525 --> 01:23:41,401
Well, fuck you!
1086
01:23:41,485 --> 01:23:43,236
Fuck you!
1087
01:23:50,327 --> 01:23:52,370
You know why I'm here today?
1088
01:23:54,749 --> 01:23:56,166
Do you?
1089
01:23:59,712 --> 01:24:02,464
I'm here... because...
1090
01:24:03,299 --> 01:24:06,634
Mr. Ryan found a gun in my locker.
1091
01:24:09,722 --> 01:24:11,389
Why did you have a gun in your locker?
1092
01:24:13,142 --> 01:24:14,642
I tried.
1093
01:24:16,854 --> 01:24:20,065
You pull the fuckin'... trunk on it,
1094
01:24:20,149 --> 01:24:22,442
and the light's supposed to go on.
1095
01:24:23,277 --> 01:24:25,236
It didn't go on. I mean, I...
1096
01:24:27,406 --> 01:24:30,283
- What's the gun for, Brian?
- Just forget it.
1097
01:24:30,367 --> 01:24:31,493
You brought it up, man.
1098
01:24:34,705 --> 01:24:36,539
I can't have an "F."
1099
01:24:40,252 --> 01:24:42,253
I can't have it.
1100
01:24:43,339 --> 01:24:45,632
And I know my parents can't have it.
1101
01:24:48,260 --> 01:24:52,180
Even if I ace the rest of the semester,
I'm still only a "B."
1102
01:24:52,264 --> 01:24:53,973
Everything's ruined for me.
1103
01:24:54,934 --> 01:24:56,768
Oh, Brian.
1104
01:25:03,275 --> 01:25:05,819
Considering my options, you know?
1105
01:25:05,903 --> 01:25:07,987
No. Killing yourself is not an option.
1106
01:25:08,072 --> 01:25:11,157
Well, I didn't do it, did I?
No, I don't think so.
1107
01:25:12,159 --> 01:25:14,369
It was a handgun?
1108
01:25:15,746 --> 01:25:18,414
No, it was a flare gun.
Went off in my locker.
1109
01:25:18,499 --> 01:25:22,669
Really?
1110
01:25:22,753 --> 01:25:24,546
It's not funny.
1111
01:25:39,270 --> 01:25:41,354
Yes, it is.
1112
01:25:43,315 --> 01:25:45,942
Fucking elephant was destroyed.
1113
01:25:47,027 --> 01:25:50,655
You want to know what I did to get in here?
1114
01:25:53,033 --> 01:25:54,534
Nothing.
1115
01:25:55,578 --> 01:25:57,954
I didn't have anything better to do.
1116
01:26:03,919 --> 01:26:06,171
You're laughing at me.
1117
01:26:06,255 --> 01:26:08,548
- No.
- Yeah, you are.
1118
01:27:54,697 --> 01:27:56,197
Brian?
1119
01:27:57,950 --> 01:28:00,159
Are you gonna write your paper?
1120
01:28:00,244 --> 01:28:02,203
Yeah. Why?
1121
01:28:03,414 --> 01:28:06,833
Well, it's kind of a waste for all of us
to write our paper, don't you think?
1122
01:28:07,418 --> 01:28:10,003
Well, that's what Vernon wants us to do.
1123
01:28:10,087 --> 01:28:13,506
True, but I think we'd all
kind of say the same thing.
1124
01:28:15,134 --> 01:28:18,261
You just don't want to
write your paper, right?
1125
01:28:18,345 --> 01:28:20,221
True, but...
1126
01:28:21,056 --> 01:28:22,682
you're the smartest, right?
1127
01:28:22,766 --> 01:28:24,600
Well...
1128
01:28:24,685 --> 01:28:26,311
We trust you.
1129
01:28:29,273 --> 01:28:30,773
Yeah.
1130
01:28:33,527 --> 01:28:35,028
All right.
1131
01:28:36,196 --> 01:28:37,697
I'll do it.
1132
01:28:38,449 --> 01:28:39,949
Okay.
1133
01:28:53,005 --> 01:28:54,839
Come on.
1134
01:28:54,923 --> 01:28:56,674
Where are we going?
1135
01:28:56,759 --> 01:28:58,676
Come on.
1136
01:28:59,762 --> 01:29:01,596
Don't be afraid.
1137
01:29:03,682 --> 01:29:05,391
Don't stick that in my eye.
1138
01:29:05,476 --> 01:29:09,062
I'm not sticking it. Just close it...
No, wait. Just go - Go like that.
1139
01:29:10,773 --> 01:29:11,939
Good.
1140
01:29:15,235 --> 01:29:18,488
You know, you really do look a lot better
without all that black shit on your eyes.
1141
01:29:18,572 --> 01:29:21,032
Hey, I like that black shit.
1142
01:29:22,493 --> 01:29:25,078
This looks a lot better.
1143
01:29:25,162 --> 01:29:26,579
Look up.
1144
01:29:35,255 --> 01:29:38,132
Please. Why are you being so nice to me?
1145
01:29:39,343 --> 01:29:40,843
'Cause you're letting me.
1146
01:29:58,654 --> 01:29:59,862
You lost?
1147
01:30:52,624 --> 01:30:54,375
Thank you.
1148
01:31:02,092 --> 01:31:05,761
- Why'd you do that?
- 'Cause I knew you wouldn't.
1149
01:31:07,931 --> 01:31:11,976
You know how you said before how your
parents use you to get back at each other?
1150
01:31:12,060 --> 01:31:14,479
Wouldn't I be outstanding
in that capacity?
1151
01:31:17,566 --> 01:31:21,068
Were you really disgusted
about what I did with my lipstick?
1152
01:31:21,153 --> 01:31:23,237
Truth?
1153
01:31:23,322 --> 01:31:25,406
Truth.
1154
01:31:25,491 --> 01:31:26,824
No.
1155
01:31:36,627 --> 01:31:38,127
What happened to you?
1156
01:31:39,963 --> 01:31:41,964
Why? Claire did it.
1157
01:31:47,262 --> 01:31:48,554
What's wrong?
1158
01:31:49,348 --> 01:31:52,141
Nothing's wrong. It's just...
1159
01:31:52,226 --> 01:31:55,353
It's just so different, you know?
1160
01:31:56,355 --> 01:31:58,272
I can see your face.
1161
01:31:58,982 --> 01:32:00,525
Is that good or bad?
1162
01:32:02,236 --> 01:32:04,153
It's good.
1163
01:32:19,086 --> 01:32:21,003
- See you, Brian.
- Hey, Carl.
1164
01:32:22,756 --> 01:32:24,757
- See you next Saturday.
- You bet.
1165
01:34:10,739 --> 01:34:12,365
Dear Mr. Vernon...
1166
01:34:13,659 --> 01:34:16,494
we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice
a whole Saturday in detention
1167
01:34:16,578 --> 01:34:18,913
for whatever it was we did wrong.
1168
01:34:18,997 --> 01:34:20,998
But we think you're crazy
to make us write an essay
1169
01:34:21,083 --> 01:34:23,250
telling you who we think we are.
1170
01:34:23,335 --> 01:34:25,503
You see us as you want to see us,
1171
01:34:25,587 --> 01:34:29,090
in the simplest terms,
with the most convenient definitions.
1172
01:34:29,841 --> 01:34:33,844
But what we found out
is that each one of us is a brain -
1173
01:34:33,929 --> 01:34:35,596
And an athlete.
1174
01:34:35,681 --> 01:34:37,598
And a basket case.
1175
01:34:37,683 --> 01:34:38,849
A princess.
1176
01:34:38,934 --> 01:34:40,726
And a criminal.
1177
01:34:40,811 --> 01:34:42,812
Does that answer your question?
1178
01:34:43,855 --> 01:34:47,233
Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club.