1 00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:37,020 Thank you and thank you. 2 00:00:37,020 --> 00:00:39,910 This show is called Taskmaster and my name is Greg Davies. 3 00:00:39,910 --> 00:00:43,170 Five very fine television and radio personalities 4 00:00:43,170 --> 00:00:46,800 have been completing my tasks for various reasons. 5 00:00:46,800 --> 00:00:48,220 There's the nominal fee, 6 00:00:48,220 --> 00:00:49,640 the massive exposure, 7 00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:52,680 and most importantly, the chance to win this 8 00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:57,020 gilded duplication of my massive, chiselled noddle. 9 00:00:57,220 --> 00:01:00,170 So, let's get on and meet them. Their names are... 10 00:01:00,170 --> 00:01:02,460 Alice Levine! 11 00:01:02,460 --> 00:01:04,620 Asim Chaudhry! 12 00:01:04,620 --> 00:01:06,510 Liza Tarbuck! 13 00:01:06,510 --> 00:01:08,130 Russell Howard! 14 00:01:08,130 --> 00:01:09,550 And Tim Vine! 15 00:01:09,550 --> 00:01:11,750 [applause] 16 00:01:11,750 --> 00:01:17,510 And here, moping around like a lost tear in an ocean of wretchedness... 17 00:01:17,510 --> 00:01:20,480 Oh, who is it? It's... 18 00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:22,640 [high-pitched] Little Alex Horne! 19 00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:25,910 - [cheers and applause] - Hello. 20 00:01:25,910 --> 00:01:29,750 And as is tradition, we'll be having some painfully stilted banter 21 00:01:29,750 --> 00:01:31,730 for about two minutes before we start the show. 22 00:01:31,730 --> 00:01:32,730 No. 23 00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:35,570 [laughter] 24 00:01:35,570 --> 00:01:37,420 Because I've pre-empted it this time, 25 00:01:37,420 --> 00:01:41,020 and I've covered the situation by pre-recording some banter. 26 00:01:41,020 --> 00:01:43,660 - So I've, um... - [Greg laughs] 27 00:01:43,660 --> 00:01:45,330 I've voiced you and I've voiced me, 28 00:01:45,330 --> 00:01:48,460 and we just sort of mouth or mime along. 29 00:01:48,460 --> 00:01:49,500 - Ready? - Yep. 30 00:01:50,570 --> 00:01:53,580 [Alex's voice] Great to be here, Greg. You're looking fine. 31 00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:58,150 And you, Alex, are a wonderful person. 32 00:01:58,150 --> 00:01:59,840 [laughter] 33 00:01:59,840 --> 00:02:03,640 - I... love you, Alex. - [laughter] 34 00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:05,560 Better, wasn't it? Better banter than... 35 00:02:06,480 --> 00:02:09,100 Shall we do one with me voicing you now? 36 00:02:09,910 --> 00:02:11,710 - Let's try that. - [laughter] 37 00:02:11,710 --> 00:02:12,750 Look down the camera. 38 00:02:12,750 --> 00:02:14,300 - Do we have to? - Yeah. 39 00:02:15,080 --> 00:02:17,420 [Greg] Hello. I'm Alex Horne, 40 00:02:17,420 --> 00:02:19,410 and I support apartheid. 41 00:02:19,410 --> 00:02:25,730 [laughter] 42 00:02:25,730 --> 00:02:26,960 Shall we, uh... 43 00:02:28,550 --> 00:02:29,820 Crack on, shall we? 44 00:02:29,820 --> 00:02:33,260 [laughter] 45 00:02:33,260 --> 00:02:35,270 Hey, it was gonna come out eventually, mate. 46 00:02:35,270 --> 00:02:37,200 [laughter] 47 00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:39,580 So, it's now time for the prize task. Happy? 48 00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:41,840 This week... 49 00:02:41,840 --> 00:02:46,530 we've asked them to bring in the sturdiest thing. OK? 50 00:02:46,730 --> 00:02:48,690 So the person who brings in the sturdiest thing, 51 00:02:48,690 --> 00:02:50,130 according to you, lord Greg Davies, 52 00:02:50,130 --> 00:02:51,680 will get five maximum points, 53 00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:53,530 and at the end of the show, the person with the most points 54 00:02:53,530 --> 00:02:55,910 will take home all of the sturdy things. 55 00:02:55,910 --> 00:02:59,220 Good, and I think it's about time we started with... 56 00:02:59,220 --> 00:03:00,200 Tim Vine. 57 00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:04,370 Hello, Tim. What is your sturdy thing and why should I judge it the sturdiest? 58 00:03:04,370 --> 00:03:07,000 It's a small plastic St Bernard. 59 00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:08,000 OK. 60 00:03:08,860 --> 00:03:12,570 When I get angry, I go outside and I throw it down on the patio, 61 00:03:12,570 --> 00:03:16,930 really hard, and it never changes at all. It's the sturdiest thing I own. 62 00:03:16,930 --> 00:03:17,840 [Alex] Do you wanna see it? 63 00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:20,370 [laughter] 64 00:03:20,370 --> 00:03:22,510 We've developed a means test for the sturdy items, 65 00:03:22,510 --> 00:03:25,060 and it's dropping me from 15 feet. 66 00:03:25,060 --> 00:03:26,570 Which is... What did you say? 67 00:03:26,570 --> 00:03:28,150 - That's my... - Oh, terminal velocity. 68 00:03:28,150 --> 00:03:29,750 - Terminal velocity. - Terminal velocity. 69 00:03:30,770 --> 00:03:33,680 And I'd argue that if you dropped me from 15 feet 70 00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:35,710 onto a cross-eyed plastic hound, 71 00:03:36,420 --> 00:03:37,810 I'd probably fuck it up. 72 00:03:38,620 --> 00:03:40,350 How big is it, Tim? How big is it? 73 00:03:40,350 --> 00:03:42,820 That's the thing, it is quite small. It's kind of that size. 74 00:03:42,820 --> 00:03:44,370 I really don't think you would. 75 00:03:44,370 --> 00:03:45,870 You'll absorb it. I think you'll absorb it. 76 00:03:45,870 --> 00:03:47,110 - I'll absorb it. - [laughter] 77 00:03:47,110 --> 00:03:49,600 I'll absorb it into my fat feet, will I? 78 00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:50,630 Anywhere. 79 00:03:50,630 --> 00:03:52,400 Jesus Christ. 80 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,910 Asim, what's your sturdy item? 81 00:03:54,910 --> 00:03:57,310 Well, before we do that, I just want to say that 82 00:03:57,310 --> 00:04:00,680 from today, I am now, officially, a vegan. 83 00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:04,260 - [scattered applause] - Come on. Come on! 84 00:04:04,260 --> 00:04:06,550 So, my sturdiest thing... 85 00:04:06,550 --> 00:04:09,170 [laughter] 86 00:04:09,170 --> 00:04:10,510 My most sturdiest thing is... 87 00:04:10,510 --> 00:04:13,280 I'm flipping it a bit, something you wouldn't think is sturdy. 88 00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:15,460 But I'm actually going for an egg. 89 00:04:15,460 --> 00:04:17,320 - Ahh. - I'm back in the game. 90 00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:19,750 - [laughter] - Yeah, you are. 91 00:04:19,750 --> 00:04:21,060 [Asim] Did you know that... 92 00:04:21,060 --> 00:04:23,730 Dust the old cross-eyed beast off. 93 00:04:23,730 --> 00:04:26,820 Did you know that you can drop an egg from a tree and it won't break? 94 00:04:26,820 --> 00:04:27,870 Yeah. 95 00:04:28,070 --> 00:04:29,600 [laughter] 96 00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:31,600 And what if you dropped a 20-stone man 97 00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:33,660 from 15-foot terminal velocity onto it? 98 00:04:33,660 --> 00:04:34,730 [laughter] 99 00:04:34,930 --> 00:04:35,930 Scramble! 100 00:04:35,930 --> 00:04:38,860 Yeah, scrambled egg, yeah. Not great news for the... 101 00:04:38,860 --> 00:04:41,150 I won't be able to eat it, as well, 'cause I'm vegan now, so... 102 00:04:41,150 --> 00:04:44,220 Oh, man. Well, that is definitely last place. 103 00:04:44,220 --> 00:04:46,000 [laughter] 104 00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:47,420 [Greg] Liza? 105 00:04:47,420 --> 00:04:49,400 I've picked a donkey. 106 00:04:49,950 --> 00:04:51,860 - A real one? - Yeah. 107 00:04:51,860 --> 00:04:53,260 You've brought a donkey in, have you? 108 00:04:53,260 --> 00:04:54,300 Yeah, Thomas. 109 00:04:54,500 --> 00:04:56,800 - [laughter] - I have. 110 00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:58,280 She has. The donkey is here. 111 00:04:58,280 --> 00:04:59,550 There's the picture, but the winner... 112 00:04:59,550 --> 00:05:01,600 - [audience] Awww. - [Liza] There we are. It's Thomas. 113 00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:03,310 [Greg] Will the donkey get brought out at some point? 114 00:05:03,310 --> 00:05:06,280 Yeah, whoever wins the show will win all the four sturdy things 115 00:05:06,280 --> 00:05:07,830 and have a go on the donkey. 116 00:05:08,570 --> 00:05:10,110 Have a go on anything's good. 117 00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:10,660 [Russell] Yeah. 118 00:05:10,660 --> 00:05:16,260 It's just awful how modern context has changed phrases, though, isn't it? 119 00:05:16,260 --> 00:05:18,480 Oh, I didn't mean... Yeah, I just meant stand next to it, really. 120 00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:21,330 Yeah, I know, but I read it as "have sex with a donkey." 121 00:05:21,330 --> 00:05:23,170 [laughter] 122 00:05:23,170 --> 00:05:27,020 I think donkey is more sturdy than an egg and a plastic St Bernard. 123 00:05:27,020 --> 00:05:29,480 That's my gut instinct. Alice? 124 00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:31,130 I was trying to think of something that has 125 00:05:31,130 --> 00:05:33,480 been tested in terms of sturdiness. 126 00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:36,060 It's been through extreme weathers. 127 00:05:36,060 --> 00:05:39,530 This is my mum's polytunnel on her allotment. 128 00:05:39,530 --> 00:05:40,730 [Alex] Here it is. 129 00:05:40,730 --> 00:05:41,870 [Greg whistles] 130 00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:45,000 A younger host wouldn't be impressed by that, 131 00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:47,400 but I'm a middle-aged man, and that is... 132 00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:48,600 That is a lovely bit of kit. 133 00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:50,680 [laughter] 134 00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:53,240 Is it sturdier than a donkey? Could you argue that for me? 135 00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:54,150 I feel like you could land... 136 00:05:54,150 --> 00:05:55,400 You would just bounce right off that. 137 00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:56,910 - [Greg] I would. - You would have a lovely time. 138 00:05:56,910 --> 00:05:58,300 'Cause you'd spread the load. 139 00:05:58,600 --> 00:05:59,620 Yes, exactly. 140 00:05:59,620 --> 00:06:00,970 I'd spread my load-- 141 00:06:00,970 --> 00:06:03,280 [laughter] 142 00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:04,530 It's a minefield, innit? 143 00:06:04,530 --> 00:06:06,370 [laughter] 144 00:06:06,370 --> 00:06:08,260 - Russell? - Yes. 145 00:06:08,260 --> 00:06:10,040 Beat a donkey, beat a polytunnel. 146 00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:12,260 OK. My brother's calves. 147 00:06:13,280 --> 00:06:14,970 [laughter] 148 00:06:14,970 --> 00:06:19,600 So sturdy. He's got tremendous calves. 149 00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:20,770 - [Greg] Has he? - Yep. 150 00:06:20,770 --> 00:06:22,400 - I've seen him get them out. - [Greg] Is your brother here? 151 00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:23,250 He is here. 152 00:06:23,250 --> 00:06:25,780 Where is he? I want to jump from 15 feet onto him. 153 00:06:25,780 --> 00:06:27,280 [laughter] 154 00:06:27,280 --> 00:06:29,200 OK, here are Russell's brother's calves. 155 00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:31,510 [laughter] 156 00:06:31,510 --> 00:06:34,050 [Greg] I mean, they actually are disgusting, aren't they? 157 00:06:34,050 --> 00:06:35,280 [laughter] 158 00:06:35,280 --> 00:06:36,530 Russell, what does the winner get? 159 00:06:36,530 --> 00:06:38,600 Does the winner get to have a go on the calves? 160 00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:41,080 The winner can touch them, can have a photo with them, 161 00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:43,400 and, of course, you can ride him. 162 00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:44,880 - Got it. - [laughter] 163 00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:47,510 OK, well, I mean, I'm gonna put an egg last, 164 00:06:47,510 --> 00:06:50,270 because I would mess an egg up faster than I could mess up 165 00:06:50,270 --> 00:06:51,810 - Tim's St Bernard. - [Alex] Famously. 166 00:06:51,810 --> 00:06:54,840 - So that's last and second to last. - One point to Asim, two to Tim. 167 00:06:54,840 --> 00:06:58,040 I've met Russell's brother and, unbeknownst to Russell, 168 00:06:58,040 --> 00:07:01,400 I have ridden on his back on numerous occasions. 169 00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:04,170 - And they're unreliable, those calves. - Crumpled. 170 00:07:04,170 --> 00:07:06,400 They could take me for a while, so I'm putting you in third place. 171 00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:07,220 [Alex] OK. 172 00:07:07,220 --> 00:07:10,040 It's difficult, you know, but how can you turn down a donkey? 173 00:07:10,040 --> 00:07:12,860 They're a powerful image of everything that's right in the world, 174 00:07:12,860 --> 00:07:17,020 so until I distribute myself across... 175 00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:18,640 [laughter] 176 00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:20,280 Across Alice's mother's... 177 00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:21,480 - Polytunnel. - polytunnel, 178 00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:22,770 [laughter] 179 00:07:22,770 --> 00:07:26,060 I must give the benefit of the doubt to Liza Tarbuck. 180 00:07:26,060 --> 00:07:27,260 [Alex] Five points to Liza! 181 00:07:27,260 --> 00:07:32,330 [cheers and applause] 182 00:07:32,330 --> 00:07:34,840 Here we go, then. We're up and running. What's first? 183 00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:38,060 We've got a task to finally answer the age-old conundrum. 184 00:07:45,930 --> 00:07:49,100 [door knob rattling] 185 00:07:50,860 --> 00:07:52,610 [laughter] 186 00:07:59,530 --> 00:08:01,070 Go that way. 187 00:08:02,910 --> 00:08:03,910 OK. 188 00:08:05,750 --> 00:08:08,780 Follow this string in, do I? Follow the piece of string in? 189 00:08:10,660 --> 00:08:14,660 It's the sort of thing you dream about, isn't it? When you're seven. 190 00:08:19,620 --> 00:08:21,040 [laughter] 191 00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:22,910 Hang on a minute. So I go out that way... 192 00:08:22,910 --> 00:08:25,340 Out that way, there. Right! Ah! 193 00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:28,710 - [Alex] What are you up to? - Just following this string. 194 00:08:28,710 --> 00:08:30,150 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. 195 00:08:30,150 --> 00:08:31,530 - Hello. - [laughing] Hi. 196 00:08:31,530 --> 00:08:33,620 - This is my caravan. - It's lovely. 197 00:08:33,620 --> 00:08:35,010 I'm following the string. 198 00:08:35,820 --> 00:08:37,220 Follow the string! 199 00:08:37,220 --> 00:08:38,420 [Asim] Here we go. 200 00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:41,100 How long is a piece of string? 201 00:08:43,730 --> 00:08:45,510 "Without leaving the caravan..." 202 00:08:45,510 --> 00:08:49,070 "work out how long this piece of string is." 203 00:08:49,930 --> 00:08:51,660 - [car horn honks] - Excuse me. 204 00:08:51,660 --> 00:08:52,880 [laughter] 205 00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:55,910 "You have five minutes. Most accurate answer wins." 206 00:08:55,910 --> 00:08:57,360 "Your time starts now." 207 00:08:58,550 --> 00:08:59,760 Bloody hell. 208 00:09:00,060 --> 00:09:01,820 Without leaving the caravan? 209 00:09:01,820 --> 00:09:04,040 Right, OK. 210 00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:05,330 Back in this way. 211 00:09:05,330 --> 00:09:07,070 [laughter] 212 00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:12,730 [laughter] 213 00:09:12,730 --> 00:09:17,580 [applause] 214 00:09:18,310 --> 00:09:20,510 I thought you were supposed to follow the string. 215 00:09:20,510 --> 00:09:21,510 Evidently. 216 00:09:22,730 --> 00:09:24,350 I thought I didn't want to get disqualified for - 217 00:09:24,350 --> 00:09:26,150 "You didn't go through the tunnel, did you?" 218 00:09:26,150 --> 00:09:28,460 I thought I'd be the only one who didn't, not the only one who did. 219 00:09:28,460 --> 00:09:29,750 [laughter] 220 00:09:29,750 --> 00:09:32,540 Yeah, you took 15 minutes longer than anyone else to reach the task. 221 00:09:32,540 --> 00:09:33,680 [laughter] 222 00:09:33,680 --> 00:09:35,480 How long's a piece of string? Nice and simple, innit? 223 00:09:35,480 --> 00:09:36,800 Uh-huh. They had five minutes to work it out, 224 00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:38,110 they weren't allowed to leave the caravan. 225 00:09:38,110 --> 00:09:38,770 OK. 226 00:09:38,770 --> 00:09:39,975 Do you wanna see the two little boys, 227 00:09:39,976 --> 00:09:41,900 - Asim and Russell? - Two little boys, please. 228 00:09:41,900 --> 00:09:43,660 [laughter] 229 00:09:43,660 --> 00:09:44,670 Bloody hell. 230 00:09:45,730 --> 00:09:47,240 Without leaving the caravan? 231 00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:48,760 [Alex] Yeah, sorry. 232 00:09:49,060 --> 00:09:50,060 OK. 233 00:09:50,680 --> 00:09:53,900 This is gonna take some very good guesswork. 234 00:09:58,220 --> 00:09:59,130 [Alex] What are you doing? 235 00:09:59,130 --> 00:10:00,880 I was seeing if there was a tape measure in here. 236 00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:02,260 [Alex] Oh, that'd be useful. 237 00:10:02,260 --> 00:10:04,200 It would appear not. I'm just gonna guess. 238 00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:06,960 OK, let me just do a rough estimate. 239 00:10:07,260 --> 00:10:10,200 There's loads of string in that bathtub. 240 00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:14,230 It goes through there each time, so that's gonna add. 241 00:10:21,310 --> 00:10:23,180 I'm gonna say... 242 00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:32,300 Two hundred... 243 00:10:33,170 --> 00:10:34,800 and ten feet. 244 00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:36,720 [Alex] OK, and that's including the ball, is it? 245 00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:38,500 Oh. 246 00:10:38,700 --> 00:10:39,770 No. 247 00:10:39,770 --> 00:10:41,600 OK, I thought it meant just how much is... 248 00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:43,410 [Alex] Well, it's up to you, really. 249 00:10:45,220 --> 00:10:46,960 [laughter] 250 00:10:47,930 --> 00:10:51,660 OK, I'd say... 500 feet. 251 00:10:51,660 --> 00:10:54,260 That's a lot, though. Yeah, I'd say 500. 252 00:10:54,260 --> 00:10:55,260 [Alex] OK. 253 00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:58,060 That's 31 metres. 254 00:10:58,060 --> 00:10:59,130 [Alex] 31, the whole thing? 255 00:10:59,130 --> 00:11:00,730 The whole thing is 31 metres. 256 00:11:00,730 --> 00:11:02,510 - Exactly? - Yes. 257 00:11:02,510 --> 00:11:09,430 [applause] 258 00:11:10,260 --> 00:11:13,530 It's great to see scientific mind at work. 259 00:11:13,530 --> 00:11:15,240 [they laugh] 260 00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:16,240 "200." 261 00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:17,860 "Oh, no. Are you sure?" 262 00:11:17,860 --> 00:11:18,900 "500." 263 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:21,330 [laughter] 264 00:11:21,330 --> 00:11:25,820 Russell, that jacket makes you look very at home in that caravan. 265 00:11:25,820 --> 00:11:28,010 It looks like you're running a business from it. 266 00:11:28,860 --> 00:11:32,270 It makes me look like an uncle who says to himself under his breath, 267 00:11:32,270 --> 00:11:33,460 "I'll get her back." 268 00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:36,680 [laughter] 269 00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:38,510 Just to be clear, Asim's final answer was... 270 00:11:38,510 --> 00:11:40,240 [both] 500 feet. 271 00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:41,380 [Greg] Based on nothing. 272 00:11:42,110 --> 00:11:45,260 - [Greg] And Russell's was... - [Alex] 31 metres or 102 feet. 273 00:11:45,260 --> 00:11:47,410 So there's 400 foot between the guesses. 274 00:11:47,410 --> 00:11:50,040 [laughter] 275 00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:51,530 Oh, I'm way off. 276 00:11:51,530 --> 00:11:54,000 OK, here it comes. Your first interval of the episode. 277 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:56,670 I look forward to hearing all about it. Bye for now. 278 00:12:06,660 --> 00:12:09,280 Welcome back to Taskmaster. 279 00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:12,800 I am Greg. Stringy things were happening before the break. 280 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:14,310 Aren't I completely right, Alex? 281 00:12:14,310 --> 00:12:16,040 Always, always. 282 00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:17,040 Always. 283 00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:19,930 Yes, we've been trying to learn how long a piece of string is. 284 00:12:19,930 --> 00:12:21,730 Asim and Russell have had a go, 285 00:12:21,730 --> 00:12:23,840 but we're yet to know how accurately they've guessed. 286 00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:25,710 Next, this is Alice and Liza, 287 00:12:25,710 --> 00:12:27,820 presumably doing it more logically. 288 00:12:28,020 --> 00:12:29,570 I'm gonna take a risk. 289 00:12:29,570 --> 00:12:31,240 [Alex] Did you bring a tool with you? 290 00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:34,910 Yeah, but I do often have a tool on me. 291 00:12:34,910 --> 00:12:36,150 Can I have some scissors? 292 00:12:36,150 --> 00:12:37,170 [Alex] Would you like me to get you some? 293 00:12:37,170 --> 00:12:38,670 - I'd love some scissors. - OK. 294 00:12:50,330 --> 00:12:52,530 Oh, dear. Oh, Lor'. 295 00:12:52,530 --> 00:12:53,960 Well, it's quite long! 296 00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:57,360 - Scissors for you. - Thank you so much. 297 00:12:59,115 --> 00:13:00,315 OK. 298 00:13:03,740 --> 00:13:05,800 I've absolutely no idea. 299 00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:09,110 I can't help you and I'd be wrong to pretend I could. 300 00:13:09,110 --> 00:13:10,340 Do you wanna have a guess? 301 00:13:15,570 --> 00:13:16,570 OK. 302 00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:19,080 So... 303 00:13:19,080 --> 00:13:22,770 I think this piece of string is five foot seven inches. 304 00:13:22,770 --> 00:13:23,770 OK. 305 00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:28,950 I'm unclear as to whether it's that bit or that bit. 306 00:13:28,950 --> 00:13:31,980 I've extracted a piece from the ball. 307 00:13:33,110 --> 00:13:36,770 So I think that this piece is five foot seven. 308 00:13:37,370 --> 00:13:40,100 Um, I'll say four miles. 309 00:13:41,060 --> 00:13:43,460 - Long, isn't it? - [Liza] It's really long, isn't it? 310 00:13:44,530 --> 00:13:45,440 [whistle blows] 311 00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:47,480 - Thank you, Alice. - Thank you. 312 00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:48,980 - Goodbye. - Bye. 313 00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:57,970 [applause] 314 00:13:57,970 --> 00:14:01,680 I imagine Asim and Russell are both thinking, "Back in the game." 315 00:14:01,680 --> 00:14:02,750 [laughter] 316 00:14:02,750 --> 00:14:04,280 32 miles was Liza's guess? 317 00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:05,950 No, Liza's guess was four miles. 318 00:14:05,950 --> 00:14:07,220 - Four miles. - She's not ridiculous. 319 00:14:07,220 --> 00:14:08,310 Oh, sorry. 320 00:14:08,410 --> 00:14:10,680 [laughter] 321 00:14:10,680 --> 00:14:12,830 - Four miles... - I was just cross that morning. 322 00:14:13,460 --> 00:14:15,480 Now, if you think that's mad... 323 00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:17,730 I mean, I don't know where to start with you. 324 00:14:17,930 --> 00:14:21,080 I wasn't sure which bit of the string you wanted to measure, 325 00:14:21,080 --> 00:14:25,080 and I just thought, better to have an accurate measure of a bit 326 00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:27,440 than an inaccurate measure of all of it. 327 00:14:27,440 --> 00:14:29,040 - Hmm. - So, really... 328 00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:30,730 a great job. 329 00:14:30,730 --> 00:14:32,370 [laughter] 330 00:14:32,370 --> 00:14:35,550 - Great. - Alice's guess, yeah, five foot seven. 331 00:14:35,550 --> 00:14:36,580 [Greg] Is wrong. 332 00:14:36,580 --> 00:14:40,350 Liza, four miles. So there's 21,105 foot between their guesses. 333 00:14:40,350 --> 00:14:41,640 [laughter] 334 00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:44,540 OK. Next, it's Vine time! 335 00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:48,710 How long is a piece of string? Erm... 336 00:14:48,710 --> 00:14:51,150 Let me just see if there's anything in here that... 337 00:14:51,150 --> 00:14:52,150 Well... 338 00:14:54,660 --> 00:14:56,420 I might measure it... 339 00:14:56,420 --> 00:14:58,510 I might do it in lobsters. 340 00:14:58,510 --> 00:14:59,810 Right. 341 00:15:00,110 --> 00:15:03,910 One, two, three... five... 342 00:15:03,910 --> 00:15:06,910 six, seven, eight, nine, ten... 343 00:15:06,910 --> 00:15:10,080 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72... 344 00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:12,640 107, 108, 109, 110... 345 00:15:12,640 --> 00:15:15,150 111, 112.112. 346 00:15:15,150 --> 00:15:19,680 113, 114, 115, 116 lobsters inside the caravan. 347 00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:21,900 - How long left? - One minute 40. 348 00:15:24,060 --> 00:15:26,310 [laughter] 349 00:15:26,310 --> 00:15:28,720 That's gonna have to... That's just for the lobster. Right. 350 00:15:36,970 --> 00:15:40,970 189, 190, 191, 192, 193... 351 00:15:40,970 --> 00:15:42,770 [laughter] 352 00:15:42,770 --> 00:15:44,030 103... 353 00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:50,430 [Alex] 20 seconds. 354 00:15:51,310 --> 00:15:54,760 [laughter] 355 00:15:57,350 --> 00:15:58,450 [Alex] Ten seconds. 356 00:16:04,910 --> 00:16:07,060 308 lobsters! 357 00:16:07,060 --> 00:16:08,760 [Alex] How long do you think a lobster is? 358 00:16:08,860 --> 00:16:12,240 - The lobster's about 30 centimetres. - OK. 359 00:16:12,240 --> 00:16:13,460 [whistle blows] Well, thank you, Tim. 360 00:16:13,460 --> 00:16:14,460 Thank you. 361 00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:24,130 [cheers and applause] 362 00:16:24,130 --> 00:16:26,320 So much to enjoy about that. 363 00:16:27,970 --> 00:16:29,800 - My favourite moment? - Mm-hm? 364 00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:31,500 "I think I'm gonna use a lobster." 365 00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:34,570 As if it is the most natural thing in the world. 366 00:16:34,570 --> 00:16:37,130 I should say, Tim has never won a task in this show. 367 00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:39,620 He's won the prize task but he's never won an actual task. 368 00:16:39,620 --> 00:16:41,880 - [Greg] I feel good about this. - Hello! 369 00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:43,680 Seriously, I'm excited to know. 370 00:16:43,680 --> 00:16:46,220 Yes, OK. So he guessed 308 lobsters. 371 00:16:46,220 --> 00:16:46,910 Yeah? 372 00:16:46,910 --> 00:16:50,530 Uh, converting that to feet, that's 308 feet. 373 00:16:50,530 --> 00:16:52,770 The actual string was... 374 00:16:52,770 --> 00:16:55,710 97 metres, which 318 feet. 375 00:16:55,710 --> 00:16:57,530 [everyone gasps] 376 00:16:57,530 --> 00:17:00,620 [cheers and applause] 377 00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:01,710 Blimey! 378 00:17:01,810 --> 00:17:04,750 [applause] 379 00:17:04,750 --> 00:17:06,150 This is a whole new system. 380 00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:09,220 I knew as soon as I saw the lobster, I'd won that task. 381 00:17:09,820 --> 00:17:12,400 I think you might have defined, now that we're leaving Europe, 382 00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:14,630 we might measure things in the lobster. 383 00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:18,530 Well, that's what the "lb"... Instead of pounds, it could be lobsters. 384 00:17:18,530 --> 00:17:20,280 [laughter] 385 00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:22,130 How many lobsters out was he? 386 00:17:22,130 --> 00:17:23,530 - He was ten lobsters out. - OK. 387 00:17:23,530 --> 00:17:25,480 - [Asim] Wow. - [Alice] That's amazing. 388 00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:27,350 Liza was 21,000 lobsters out. 389 00:17:27,350 --> 00:17:29,060 [laughter] 390 00:17:29,060 --> 00:17:31,130 Understandable, yeah. 391 00:17:31,130 --> 00:17:34,200 So the furthest out from the correct answer was Liza. 392 00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:35,060 She gets one point. 393 00:17:35,060 --> 00:17:37,040 Alice gets two, Russell three, Asim four, 394 00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:38,660 but Tim Vine gets five points! 395 00:17:38,660 --> 00:17:39,770 There it is! 396 00:17:39,770 --> 00:17:44,020 [cheers and applause] 397 00:17:44,020 --> 00:17:45,330 Unbelievable. 398 00:17:45,330 --> 00:17:47,310 Feels like we should see the scores, then, Alex. 399 00:17:47,310 --> 00:17:48,110 OK then, yeah. 400 00:17:48,110 --> 00:17:50,870 The leader at the moment is Tim Vine, for the first time. 401 00:17:50,870 --> 00:17:52,540 [cheers and applause] 402 00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:53,940 [Alex] It's Vine time. 403 00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:55,620 [applause] 404 00:17:55,620 --> 00:17:57,200 - Would you like a new task? - Yes, please. 405 00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:59,260 OK, this one is a tough one. 406 00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:12,420 Hello, my little ferret. 407 00:18:12,420 --> 00:18:14,030 - [Alex] Hello, Alice. - Hello. 408 00:18:16,950 --> 00:18:18,310 Eggs. 409 00:18:18,410 --> 00:18:20,560 [laughter] 410 00:18:21,060 --> 00:18:23,330 "Pull this tablecloth off this table." 411 00:18:23,330 --> 00:18:25,840 "Most eggs left unbroken on the table wins." 412 00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:30,550 "You have one attempt and may not tamper with the table, tablecloth or eggs." 413 00:18:30,550 --> 00:18:33,710 - Nice use of the word "tamper". - [Alex] Thank you, Liza. 414 00:18:33,710 --> 00:18:36,220 Eh? So we've just gotta... [whooshing noise] 415 00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:42,770 [applause] 416 00:18:42,770 --> 00:18:44,880 Shouldn't be too much to worry about, Asim, 417 00:18:44,880 --> 00:18:46,770 eggs being as sturdy as they are. 418 00:18:46,770 --> 00:18:50,000 [laughter] 419 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:51,620 - Go on, let's have a look. - OK. 420 00:18:51,620 --> 00:18:53,110 So I'm just gonna pull it off, am I? 421 00:18:53,110 --> 00:18:54,710 [Alex] We're looking for a yank. 422 00:18:55,130 --> 00:18:57,460 [laughter] 423 00:18:57,460 --> 00:18:59,400 [Alex] Are you good at this sort of thing, Liza? 424 00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:02,520 I'm not answering that. I think that's very leading. 425 00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:05,530 [he sighs] 426 00:19:05,530 --> 00:19:06,680 OK. 427 00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:09,000 - One yank, please, Asim. - One yank. 428 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:10,840 Basically, this arm's got to get to there, 429 00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:12,570 and you've got to not even see it move. 430 00:19:12,770 --> 00:19:15,530 Right. It's like a kind of pull motion. 431 00:19:16,420 --> 00:19:18,861 It's just gonna have to be swift, innit? That's the thing. 432 00:19:18,886 --> 00:19:22,340 It's gonna have to be... [whooshing noise] OK. 433 00:19:23,310 --> 00:19:25,440 I think I'm gonna nail it. 434 00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:26,610 I just feel it. 435 00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:33,380 [cheers and applause] 436 00:19:41,370 --> 00:19:45,920 [cheers and applause] 437 00:19:48,140 --> 00:19:49,770 [whispers] Oh, God. 438 00:19:52,220 --> 00:19:53,520 Hmm! 439 00:19:54,570 --> 00:19:55,570 Hmmm! 440 00:19:58,550 --> 00:20:00,530 [applause] 441 00:20:00,530 --> 00:20:01,610 Does that count? 442 00:20:06,420 --> 00:20:11,520 [applause] 443 00:20:14,110 --> 00:20:17,610 - [cheers and applause] - Oh ho ho ho! 444 00:20:19,550 --> 00:20:21,780 And that's the end of Taskmaster. Good night! 445 00:20:21,780 --> 00:20:23,480 [laughter] 446 00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:24,840 That was incredible! We all did it. 447 00:20:24,840 --> 00:20:25,750 [Alex] Yeah. 448 00:20:25,750 --> 00:20:28,280 The only difference was in the way that everybody celebrated, 449 00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:29,710 'cause most people just thought, 450 00:20:29,710 --> 00:20:31,400 "Well, I'm pleased that I managed to do that." 451 00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:33,280 Russell, apparently, walked straight out, 452 00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:35,140 dropped to his knees and started sobbing. 453 00:20:35,140 --> 00:20:38,800 [laughter] 454 00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:40,910 I was so pleased. 455 00:20:40,910 --> 00:20:42,850 I felt like I was Roger Federer. 456 00:20:44,260 --> 00:20:45,440 OK, five points to everyone! 457 00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:49,200 [cheers and applause] 458 00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:51,330 So we gave them a task where they all got the same points? 459 00:20:51,330 --> 00:20:52,060 Yes. 460 00:20:52,060 --> 00:20:53,730 Don't you ever, ever do that again. 461 00:20:53,730 --> 00:20:55,310 Or I'll kick you in the leg. 462 00:20:55,310 --> 00:20:58,220 [laughter] 463 00:20:58,220 --> 00:20:59,860 I think it's best we break up for a while. 464 00:20:59,860 --> 00:21:02,370 Just for a while, though. It'll make us stronger in the long run. 465 00:21:02,370 --> 00:21:03,910 Just you wait and see. 466 00:21:14,060 --> 00:21:15,060 Hello! 467 00:21:15,640 --> 00:21:17,150 I am so glad you came back. 468 00:21:17,150 --> 00:21:18,440 Alex, over to you. 469 00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:20,800 - OK, would you like a new task? - Yes, please. 470 00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:23,920 This one is a perplexing team one for you, darling. 471 00:21:25,020 --> 00:21:26,870 [laughter] 472 00:21:38,260 --> 00:21:39,710 - Hi, Alex! - Hello, Liza. 473 00:21:39,710 --> 00:21:41,950 - Have you met my friends? - [Tim] Hello, Alex. 474 00:21:41,950 --> 00:21:43,550 - Yes, I have. - Crikey. 475 00:21:43,550 --> 00:21:45,150 - [Asim] Oh, my God. - Stinks, doesn't it? 476 00:21:45,150 --> 00:21:46,600 Where are you? Oh, there you are. 477 00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:48,970 Everything smells of sweaty dead dogs in here. 478 00:21:48,970 --> 00:21:50,080 - It's horrid, isn't it? - Yeah. 479 00:21:50,080 --> 00:21:51,260 - Shall I just get that, then? - Yes, would you? 480 00:21:51,260 --> 00:21:52,880 Sorry, gents. So, look at this. 481 00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:55,530 This is all about kidnapping and things? 482 00:21:55,530 --> 00:21:56,910 [Tim] Flippin' heck. 483 00:21:56,910 --> 00:21:57,910 [Alice] OK. 484 00:21:59,510 --> 00:22:03,000 "Find the link, then do it exactly 100 times." 485 00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:05,600 "Fastest wins. Your time starts now." 486 00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:08,280 "Find the link..." So all this is linking. 487 00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:09,980 - [Asim] OK. - [Tim] Find the link. 488 00:22:09,980 --> 00:22:11,280 [Liza] What's the link? 489 00:22:11,680 --> 00:22:16,700 [applause] 490 00:22:17,530 --> 00:22:19,440 I mean, I'm keen to crack on with the task, 491 00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:22,170 but I would say that the crack detective team 492 00:22:22,170 --> 00:22:25,330 of Vine, Chaudhry and Tarbuck... 493 00:22:25,330 --> 00:22:27,440 If your mum had been kidnapped or something, 494 00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:30,280 and you three turned up, you'd go, "Oh, no." 495 00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:32,820 "Oh, no. She's not coming back." 496 00:22:32,820 --> 00:22:34,220 [laughter] 497 00:22:34,220 --> 00:22:37,480 This is my colleague. He's in a safari costume. 498 00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:40,550 [laughter] 499 00:22:40,550 --> 00:22:41,550 Who do we see first? 500 00:22:41,550 --> 00:22:43,250 We're gonna start with Russell and Alice. 501 00:22:43,250 --> 00:22:44,400 - Team Funk? - Team Funk. 502 00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:46,020 - [Russell] Team Funk. - [laughter] 503 00:22:46,020 --> 00:22:48,220 Can we have a pad and a pen, please? 504 00:22:48,220 --> 00:22:49,570 Thank you very much. 505 00:22:49,570 --> 00:22:50,570 OK. 506 00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:54,950 What does this projector bit mean? What does that mean? 507 00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:58,310 I'll be honest with you, this... 508 00:22:58,310 --> 00:23:00,630 I want to... I want to burn all of this. 509 00:23:01,530 --> 00:23:04,620 I mean, it says hopeless- less-less-ness-less. 510 00:23:04,620 --> 00:23:06,710 Is the link that there is no link? 511 00:23:06,710 --> 00:23:07,820 There's whisky here. 512 00:23:07,820 --> 00:23:10,870 But then that says urinating, so I'm not sure it's whisky. 513 00:23:12,150 --> 00:23:14,570 - S... Steps? - Steps. 514 00:23:14,570 --> 00:23:16,550 - [Alice] Guy. - Step guy? 515 00:23:16,550 --> 00:23:19,530 Steps guy. Is that a guy from the band Steps? 516 00:23:19,530 --> 00:23:21,070 - Oh, yeah! H from Steps. - [DING] 517 00:23:21,070 --> 00:23:22,140 [Russell] Well done. 518 00:23:22,140 --> 00:23:24,680 What does that mean? 8, 15, 16? 519 00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:27,750 That could be letters again, so that could be A, B, C, D, E... 520 00:23:27,750 --> 00:23:29,920 - F, G, H. - [DING] 521 00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:33,530 I, J, K, L, M, N, O. 522 00:23:33,530 --> 00:23:35,110 [DING] 523 00:23:35,110 --> 00:23:38,240 M, N, O, P. Well, that's House of Pain again, isn't it? 524 00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:40,860 House of Pain. H-O-P. 525 00:23:40,860 --> 00:23:42,840 Damien Rice's debut... 526 00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:45,550 - OK, well, that was O. - [DING] 527 00:23:45,550 --> 00:23:47,080 Wasn't the album called O? 528 00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:50,620 Urinating. Wee, er, pee. 529 00:23:50,620 --> 00:23:51,730 - P! - [DING] 530 00:23:51,730 --> 00:23:53,600 Well done, yeah. That's what that is. 531 00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:55,310 D, L, L, P. 532 00:23:55,310 --> 00:23:57,840 I've got it. Is the link "hop"? 533 00:23:57,840 --> 00:23:59,310 And we have to hop 100 times? 534 00:23:59,310 --> 00:24:00,600 [DING] 535 00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:02,510 - Oh, and you're hopping... - 'Cause House of Pain... 536 00:24:02,510 --> 00:24:04,530 There was another H-O-P that you said 537 00:24:04,530 --> 00:24:05,950 that was something. 538 00:24:05,950 --> 00:24:08,400 What's the whisky in the, er... 539 00:24:09,550 --> 00:24:11,150 This, uh, is that a rabbit? 540 00:24:11,150 --> 00:24:12,410 - [Alex] Little rabbit. - [Alice] Bunny hop. 541 00:24:12,410 --> 00:24:13,540 - [DING] - [Russell] Bunny hop. 542 00:24:13,540 --> 00:24:16,040 So shall we hop 100 times? That seems like a lot of hopping. 543 00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:17,080 Yeah. 544 00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:18,770 So shall we do 50 each? 545 00:24:18,770 --> 00:24:20,350 - Yeah. - We have to do it exactly. 546 00:24:20,350 --> 00:24:21,680 - OK, ready? - Yeah. 547 00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:25,350 One, two, three, four, five, six... 548 00:24:25,350 --> 00:24:26,800 15, 16, 17... 549 00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:28,370 28, 29, 30... 550 00:24:28,370 --> 00:24:31,040 - 41, 42, 43, 44... - [Alice laughs] 551 00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:33,370 45, 46, 47... Is that...? 552 00:24:33,370 --> 00:24:35,440 No, no more! Exactly. 553 00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:37,660 They're gonna count our extra ones, aren't they? 554 00:24:38,060 --> 00:24:40,220 - Only if they're dicks. - Yeah. 555 00:24:40,220 --> 00:24:47,310 [cheers and applause] 556 00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:52,200 You struck me as a crack detective team. 557 00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:53,750 It was only ruined by one thing. 558 00:24:53,750 --> 00:24:56,970 Once you cracked the case, both of you, without discussing it... 559 00:24:56,970 --> 00:24:58,310 Bunny hands up. 560 00:24:58,310 --> 00:25:01,310 [laughter] 561 00:25:01,310 --> 00:25:03,280 We're professionals, OK? 562 00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:05,040 [Russell laughs] 563 00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:06,260 "We've done it. Well done." 564 00:25:06,260 --> 00:25:08,220 "Team Funk struck again." 565 00:25:08,220 --> 00:25:09,910 "Now let's take this home!" 566 00:25:09,910 --> 00:25:12,000 [laughter] 567 00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:13,000 [Alex] They did crack it, though. 568 00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:14,680 - Pretty impressive. - [Russell] Smashed it. 569 00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:18,370 They got rabbit hops, the whisky was Hopscotch. 570 00:25:18,370 --> 00:25:20,000 There were short-hop flights. 571 00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:22,040 I stopped the clock after their hundredth hop, 572 00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:24,170 - 'cause I'm not a dick. - No, we're not dicks. 573 00:25:24,170 --> 00:25:25,840 Why did it smell so bad in there? 574 00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:27,840 They were hops. The tray was full of hops. 575 00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:30,810 - [Russell] Oh, I see. - Ahh, I didn't know that. 576 00:25:31,310 --> 00:25:32,700 - You're never there. - No. 577 00:25:32,700 --> 00:25:34,600 [laughter] 578 00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:37,410 I'm not. I'm literally on my sofa counting money. 579 00:25:37,410 --> 00:25:39,800 [laughter] 580 00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:44,070 [laughter and applause] 581 00:25:44,970 --> 00:25:49,880 So, Russell and Alice, they took 11 minutes and 18 seconds. 582 00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:53,360 OK, we're now gonna look at Tim, Asim and Liza. 583 00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:54,970 [Liza] Is that whisky? 584 00:25:54,970 --> 00:25:58,460 S-T-P-S-G-U... 585 00:25:58,460 --> 00:25:59,950 That doesn't mean anything, does it? 586 00:25:59,950 --> 00:26:01,930 - [Tim] "Find the link, then do it..." - [Liza] Steps... 587 00:26:01,930 --> 00:26:04,900 guy. Steps guy? What's that mean? 588 00:26:04,900 --> 00:26:06,640 [Tim] Overhead projector. 589 00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:09,200 - No J Simpson. - [Asim] No J Simpson. 590 00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:11,600 - It's all very cryptic, innit? - [Alex] Yes, it is, Tim. 591 00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:13,420 - Is this still the same show? - Look at the rabbit underneath there. 592 00:26:13,420 --> 00:26:14,420 Yes. 593 00:26:15,130 --> 00:26:18,330 [Liza] Do you know what it's lying in? Looks like, to me, hops. 594 00:26:18,330 --> 00:26:20,330 I keep thinking it's something like hopping. 595 00:26:20,330 --> 00:26:21,310 [DING] 596 00:26:21,310 --> 00:26:23,320 - Are they hops? - I think so. 597 00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:25,820 [dings bell] 598 00:26:25,820 --> 00:26:27,600 It's worth doing, that. [dings bell] 599 00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:29,680 I reckon let's step back and look, 600 00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:31,150 'cause I think we're too close. 601 00:26:31,150 --> 00:26:32,440 We're probably missing something... 602 00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:33,660 A bigger picture, here. 603 00:26:33,660 --> 00:26:36,000 - [Asim] Steps... guy. - [Tim] Steps... guy. 604 00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:39,310 Steps guy. The Steps guy, H! 605 00:26:39,310 --> 00:26:41,950 - H. Steps guy is H. - Yes. 606 00:26:41,950 --> 00:26:43,640 Wait, H. He's the... 607 00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:46,260 No J Simpson. H. 608 00:26:46,260 --> 00:26:47,550 This Steps guy is H. 609 00:26:47,550 --> 00:26:48,620 OK, we got H. 610 00:26:48,620 --> 00:26:51,080 OK, let's follow that. OK, so then that, so H... 611 00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:52,273 What does that say? 612 00:26:52,498 --> 00:26:54,240 - Diddy. OK, P? - [Tim] P. 613 00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:55,970 [Asim] We're getting somewhere. So H... 614 00:26:55,970 --> 00:26:57,730 Has anyone got...? We haven't got a pen. 615 00:26:57,730 --> 00:26:59,060 OK, just remember H. 616 00:26:59,060 --> 00:27:00,240 Yes, I can remember H. 617 00:27:00,240 --> 00:27:03,070 OK. We don't need to write that down. 618 00:27:04,220 --> 00:27:06,350 HP Sauce! Oh, no, hang on. 619 00:27:06,350 --> 00:27:07,910 Look at that, yeah? 620 00:27:07,910 --> 00:27:10,800 H. Urinating. Piss. 621 00:27:10,800 --> 00:27:13,200 [Asim] H-P. You know what this could be? 622 00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:14,200 What? 623 00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:15,210 The alphabet. 624 00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:18,580 A-B-A-B. 625 00:27:19,840 --> 00:27:22,200 I think that's a good call, though. Do you think, maybe...? 626 00:27:23,350 --> 00:27:24,100 It's hops. 627 00:27:24,100 --> 00:27:26,400 Ah, jump around, maybe we need to just jump... 628 00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:29,540 We should... jump around for a bit. 629 00:27:31,350 --> 00:27:33,400 Six, seven, eight, nine... 630 00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:36,110 - [laughter] - 12, 13, 14, 15... 631 00:27:36,110 --> 00:27:38,170 [man] I don't know that's jumping or not. 632 00:27:38,500 --> 00:27:40,050 I'm not sure if it's jumping, either. 633 00:27:40,050 --> 00:27:43,020 - [Liza] I've just hopped 100 times. - [whistle blows] 634 00:27:44,020 --> 00:27:45,420 - What was that? - What does that mean? 635 00:27:45,420 --> 00:27:47,030 [Liza] That was the task. 636 00:27:47,420 --> 00:27:48,350 Does that mean the whole task...? 637 00:27:48,350 --> 00:27:50,000 [Alex] Yes, you've done it. Congratulations, team. 638 00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:52,530 What the f... That was it? 639 00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:59,930 [cheers and applause] 640 00:27:59,930 --> 00:28:03,400 [applause] 641 00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:05,620 Have we ever had a clearer metaphor 642 00:28:05,620 --> 00:28:09,830 for the plight of women through the ages? 643 00:28:10,130 --> 00:28:12,220 What I love is just this weary... 644 00:28:12,420 --> 00:28:14,420 Trying to get them to hear hops, 645 00:28:14,420 --> 00:28:16,240 and in the end, just going, "OK." 646 00:28:16,240 --> 00:28:18,200 "I'm just gonna start hopping." 647 00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:20,220 [laughter] 648 00:28:20,220 --> 00:28:22,910 Ten on each foot, hold the girls down. 649 00:28:22,910 --> 00:28:24,350 [laughter] 650 00:28:24,350 --> 00:28:26,550 They came into the other room furious. 651 00:28:26,550 --> 00:28:28,720 No "well done." Furious. 652 00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:31,950 And Tim's gone, "Greg's gonna bloody demolish me for that." 653 00:28:31,950 --> 00:28:36,080 [laughter] 654 00:28:36,080 --> 00:28:38,020 But you got it instantly! 655 00:28:38,020 --> 00:28:39,750 How quickly did Liza solve it? 656 00:28:39,750 --> 00:28:41,660 Well, she said "hops" in under a minute. 657 00:28:41,660 --> 00:28:43,080 [laughter] 658 00:28:43,080 --> 00:28:45,150 And how long were they in there altogether? 659 00:28:45,150 --> 00:28:48,020 Well, she'd completed 100 hops in eight minutes 34. 660 00:28:48,020 --> 00:28:51,240 Right, so there was about seven minutes of bullshit... 661 00:28:51,240 --> 00:28:53,240 [laughter] 662 00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:54,860 I just couldn't get my head around H. 663 00:28:54,860 --> 00:28:57,110 I was like, "H!" 664 00:28:57,110 --> 00:29:00,620 And I don't want to further make things worse for you, Asim, 665 00:29:00,620 --> 00:29:02,080 but I did write down this. 666 00:29:02,080 --> 00:29:04,950 "H. Urinating. Piss." 667 00:29:04,950 --> 00:29:06,510 [laughter] 668 00:29:06,510 --> 00:29:07,970 We won, though, innit? So fuck it. 669 00:29:07,970 --> 00:29:10,530 [laughter] 670 00:29:10,530 --> 00:29:12,160 It's all about the team, innit? 671 00:29:13,400 --> 00:29:17,260 - So let's say five points for... - Asim, Tim and Liza. 672 00:29:17,260 --> 00:29:19,710 Liza and her two clowns. 673 00:29:19,710 --> 00:29:21,400 And three points each for Team Funk. 674 00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:23,220 - Happy with that? - [Alex] Yeah, done. 675 00:29:23,220 --> 00:29:26,860 [cheers and applause] 676 00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:30,550 What's next, Alex? 677 00:29:30,550 --> 00:29:33,670 OK, this next one is even more tricky. 678 00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:48,710 Nice. Alex? 679 00:29:48,710 --> 00:29:49,760 Hello, Russell. 680 00:29:50,060 --> 00:29:51,230 I like snooker. 681 00:29:52,130 --> 00:29:54,530 - [Alex] I like you. - [Tim laughs] 682 00:29:55,370 --> 00:29:56,670 [Alex] Your sort of thing? 683 00:29:57,240 --> 00:29:58,970 Yeah, I'm not bad at... 684 00:29:58,970 --> 00:30:01,740 traditional boys' games. 685 00:30:02,970 --> 00:30:04,210 Oh, God. 686 00:30:07,040 --> 00:30:09,510 "Pull off the most elaborate trick shot." 687 00:30:09,510 --> 00:30:12,350 "You have 20 minutes. Your time starts now." 688 00:30:12,350 --> 00:30:13,820 [he sighs] Oh, God. 689 00:30:13,820 --> 00:30:15,200 Oh, I like this. 690 00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:17,080 I couldn't even... 691 00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:21,100 pot any of them normally, never mind as a trick. 692 00:30:21,400 --> 00:30:24,320 Don't really play a huge amount of snooker. 693 00:30:24,620 --> 00:30:26,260 Why have you got gloves on? 694 00:30:26,460 --> 00:30:27,950 - I'm the... - Oh, of course. 695 00:30:27,950 --> 00:30:29,710 You're the... judge? Is that what it's called? No. 696 00:30:29,710 --> 00:30:31,600 - Judge. Snooker judge. - Snooker judge. 697 00:30:31,600 --> 00:30:32,950 [laughter] 698 00:30:32,950 --> 00:30:37,270 [applause] 699 00:30:38,040 --> 00:30:40,570 I was gonna ridicule you for the judge comment, 700 00:30:40,570 --> 00:30:43,420 and then I realised I don't really know what a snooker man's called either. 701 00:30:43,420 --> 00:30:44,860 - Or woman. - [laughter] 702 00:30:44,860 --> 00:30:46,080 Snooker man. It's snooker man. 703 00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:47,550 - Snooker man? - [laughter] 704 00:30:47,550 --> 00:30:48,600 [Greg] Who shall we see first? 705 00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:50,530 We're gonna start off with someone 706 00:30:50,530 --> 00:30:52,370 who's never played darts or snooker, 707 00:30:52,370 --> 00:30:53,740 it's Alice Levine. 708 00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:13,040 ♪ What a trick ♪ 709 00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:15,380 ♪ Look at the crazy trick ♪ 710 00:31:18,620 --> 00:31:19,780 Oh, God. 711 00:31:20,530 --> 00:31:22,460 This is gonna be harder than I thought. 712 00:31:22,460 --> 00:31:23,840 [Alex] It's quite a long trick. 713 00:31:26,840 --> 00:31:28,640 Oh, now we're cooking. 714 00:31:28,640 --> 00:31:31,180 And for the finale... 715 00:31:35,880 --> 00:31:38,740 ♪ Here comes the finale, baby ♪ 716 00:31:40,000 --> 00:31:41,000 [Alex] Got them all in. 717 00:31:41,800 --> 00:31:44,230 And that, my friend, is called a trick shot. 718 00:31:45,350 --> 00:31:46,770 Thank you, Alice. 719 00:31:46,770 --> 00:31:48,360 - [Alex] Goodbye. - Always a pleasure. 720 00:31:49,710 --> 00:31:54,140 [applause] 721 00:31:55,780 --> 00:31:57,500 Did you have some questions? 722 00:31:58,660 --> 00:32:03,660 We're doing an assistant advancement program at the moment, Alex and I, 723 00:32:03,660 --> 00:32:05,440 where I sometimes let him make a decision. 724 00:32:05,440 --> 00:32:06,110 [Alice] Right. 725 00:32:06,110 --> 00:32:08,260 - So I'm going to, on this occasion. - OK. 726 00:32:08,260 --> 00:32:11,540 Yeah, and I think there are two ways of looking at your stunt. 727 00:32:11,840 --> 00:32:13,820 I think you could say there was some humour in there. 728 00:32:13,820 --> 00:32:15,410 You chalked your cues, humorously, 729 00:32:15,410 --> 00:32:17,420 even though you knew you weren't gonna use them. 730 00:32:17,420 --> 00:32:19,420 - There was the beautiful music. - Thank you. 731 00:32:19,420 --> 00:32:20,930 I even wrote the lyric down. 732 00:32:20,930 --> 00:32:24,080 ♪ What a... Look at the lovely trick ♪ 733 00:32:24,080 --> 00:32:25,770 People forget that. 734 00:32:25,770 --> 00:32:29,640 So you could say it was well thought-out, interesting, 735 00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:32,400 - unexpected piece of misdirection. - I can't think of another way of looking at it. 736 00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:35,170 Well, the other angle is, we could say it was rubbish. 737 00:32:35,170 --> 00:32:37,370 [laughter] 738 00:32:37,370 --> 00:32:39,770 - [Alex] And I get to decide? - [Greg] Yeah, it's all yours. 739 00:32:39,770 --> 00:32:41,930 I... I'd probably say the former. Was it? 740 00:32:41,930 --> 00:32:43,020 Do you think? 741 00:32:43,020 --> 00:32:44,030 - Yeah? Maybe? - No. 742 00:32:44,030 --> 00:32:45,970 - It was rubbish. - [laughter] 743 00:32:47,130 --> 00:32:50,600 You'll be sad, pleased or indifferent to discover it's the end of part three. 744 00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:53,530 Go away and then come back for the final part, 745 00:32:53,530 --> 00:32:55,080 where someone will take home an egg, 746 00:32:55,080 --> 00:32:56,910 Russell Howard's brother's legs, 747 00:32:56,910 --> 00:32:58,050 and a donkey. 748 00:33:07,770 --> 00:33:11,370 Hello! It's only part four, and I'm gonna say trick shots, Alex. 749 00:33:11,370 --> 00:33:12,660 Good stuff. 750 00:33:12,660 --> 00:33:15,110 And he's right. Trick shots are the name of the game. 751 00:33:15,110 --> 00:33:17,060 Alice subtly suggested it wasn't a task 752 00:33:17,060 --> 00:33:19,260 she was particularly keen on completing, 753 00:33:19,260 --> 00:33:20,820 and now we're gonna see someone 754 00:33:20,820 --> 00:33:22,480 who's taken every opportunity so far 755 00:33:22,480 --> 00:33:25,570 to show off with balls. It's Russell Howard. 756 00:33:25,570 --> 00:33:29,340 [wheelbarrow squeaking] 757 00:33:30,130 --> 00:33:31,770 [leaf-blower whooshing] 758 00:33:31,770 --> 00:33:33,660 - You're gonna have that. - Oh, thank you. 759 00:33:33,660 --> 00:33:36,200 And you're gonna try and put me off as I make it, 760 00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:38,680 but there's gonna be several stages to this. 761 00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:42,200 That's the first stage and I've gotta do five of those. 762 00:33:42,200 --> 00:33:44,660 So it's gonna take a couple of attempts. 763 00:33:44,660 --> 00:33:47,800 First of all, we have to chip the ball through there, 764 00:33:47,800 --> 00:33:51,640 and then we have to get the basketball in the bathtub, 765 00:33:51,640 --> 00:33:52,950 and then, right at the end of it, 766 00:33:52,950 --> 00:33:56,170 I've got to put that in there. 767 00:33:56,170 --> 00:33:57,310 In one go. Ready? 768 00:33:57,310 --> 00:33:59,310 When do you want me to start attacking you? 769 00:33:59,310 --> 00:34:00,460 At any stage. 770 00:34:00,460 --> 00:34:03,130 You have to sledge me, heckle me, 771 00:34:03,130 --> 00:34:04,860 as many mean things as you can think. 772 00:34:04,860 --> 00:34:06,400 OK, I'm not great at that, but I'll have a go. 773 00:34:06,400 --> 00:34:07,150 We'll try. Ready? 774 00:34:07,150 --> 00:34:10,020 One, two, three, four, five! 775 00:34:10,020 --> 00:34:13,020 First bit done. Now chipping the ball in here. 776 00:34:13,020 --> 00:34:14,740 [Alex] You're not very good at football. 777 00:34:15,440 --> 00:34:16,200 Done! 778 00:34:16,200 --> 00:34:17,660 [Alex] I don't understand your dress sense. 779 00:34:17,660 --> 00:34:19,220 Fuckin' right. 780 00:34:19,220 --> 00:34:21,660 Now I have to throw this over there. 781 00:34:21,660 --> 00:34:23,770 - Not sure about your hair. - Done! 782 00:34:23,770 --> 00:34:25,570 That's not even part of it, 783 00:34:25,570 --> 00:34:27,330 and now I've gotta do this. 784 00:34:27,330 --> 00:34:29,060 Your... your glasses look a bit silly. 785 00:34:31,480 --> 00:34:32,480 Pleasure. 786 00:34:33,420 --> 00:34:36,220 - Well done, Russell. Good shot. - Thanks, man. 787 00:34:36,220 --> 00:34:41,540 [cheers and applause] 788 00:34:42,420 --> 00:34:43,420 Well... 789 00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:46,330 First of all, let's address your sledging technique. 790 00:34:46,330 --> 00:34:48,130 Yeah, I'm so sorry. Russell, I'm so sorry. 791 00:34:48,130 --> 00:34:50,000 - I wouldn't normally have said that... - Yeah, it was pretty full on, mate. 792 00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:51,720 "I'm not sure about your hair." 793 00:34:52,620 --> 00:34:53,950 "Your glasses look silly." 794 00:34:53,950 --> 00:34:55,970 Yeah. He's got me there, yeah. 795 00:34:55,970 --> 00:34:57,840 Did you get it all right first time? 796 00:34:57,840 --> 00:34:58,930 Well, mate. 797 00:34:58,930 --> 00:35:00,060 What I would say... 798 00:35:00,060 --> 00:35:02,330 [laughter] 799 00:35:02,330 --> 00:35:05,220 - I got all the hard bits right first time. - Right. 800 00:35:05,220 --> 00:35:07,400 Every time I chipped it in the caravan, 801 00:35:07,400 --> 00:35:08,420 every time I got the ball in... 802 00:35:08,420 --> 00:35:10,600 Not every time, and we've got a couple of the other attempts. 803 00:35:10,600 --> 00:35:13,170 [laughter] 804 00:35:13,170 --> 00:35:15,510 Just start again if I can't complete them. 805 00:35:15,510 --> 00:35:16,660 So, ready? 806 00:35:16,860 --> 00:35:18,680 One, two, three, fuck! 807 00:35:18,680 --> 00:35:21,760 Right. One, two, fucking hell. This is tricky. 808 00:35:22,910 --> 00:35:24,770 ARGH, you...! 809 00:35:24,770 --> 00:35:26,400 So it means I have to do it again! 810 00:35:26,400 --> 00:35:27,400 It's fine! 811 00:35:28,510 --> 00:35:30,370 Argh, shit! 812 00:35:30,370 --> 00:35:31,710 Oh, fucking...! 813 00:35:31,710 --> 00:35:33,200 It's alright, we go again! 814 00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:35,580 I mean, this is absolutely frustrating. 815 00:35:36,330 --> 00:35:37,930 [he sighs] 816 00:35:37,930 --> 00:35:39,010 [Russell] Here we go again. 817 00:35:40,800 --> 00:35:41,810 Oof. 818 00:35:41,910 --> 00:35:46,660 [applause] 819 00:35:46,660 --> 00:35:48,280 I was so happy, though. 820 00:35:48,280 --> 00:35:51,170 Something so exciting about chipping a football into a caravan. 821 00:35:51,170 --> 00:35:52,170 [Greg] Yeah. 822 00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:54,630 You were asked to do a snooker trick shot. 823 00:35:54,630 --> 00:35:56,770 [laughter] 824 00:35:56,770 --> 00:35:57,600 [Greg] Who's next? 825 00:35:57,600 --> 00:36:01,030 Now we're gonna see Liza Tarbuck step up to the table. 826 00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:11,960 [laughter] 827 00:36:18,550 --> 00:36:20,030 Thank you, Alex. 828 00:36:20,330 --> 00:36:25,970 [cheers and applause] 829 00:36:25,970 --> 00:36:28,360 - [Russell] You what? - [Liza] I'm good. 830 00:36:30,370 --> 00:36:32,440 That's absolutely amazing. 831 00:36:32,440 --> 00:36:34,740 It's almost like it was animated or something. 832 00:36:35,040 --> 00:36:36,330 Just incredible, isn't it? 833 00:36:36,330 --> 00:36:37,930 [Greg] It's absolutely amazing. 834 00:36:37,930 --> 00:36:40,260 I mean, I respect you, I think you're extraordinary, 835 00:36:40,260 --> 00:36:42,520 but that is a sea of bullshit. 836 00:36:42,520 --> 00:36:44,750 - [laughter] - [Greg] Is it? I dunno. 837 00:36:44,750 --> 00:36:47,420 Liza got a team of people to run around after her. 838 00:36:47,420 --> 00:36:49,730 You ran around on your own like an idiot, 839 00:36:49,730 --> 00:36:50,800 writing your own rules, 840 00:36:50,800 --> 00:36:53,080 and Liza went, "OK, I'm not gonna lift a finger here." 841 00:36:53,080 --> 00:36:54,480 "I'm gonna get these clowns to do it." 842 00:36:54,480 --> 00:36:55,800 Yeah. Funk that! 843 00:36:55,800 --> 00:36:59,600 [laughter] 844 00:36:59,600 --> 00:37:01,640 Um, it was incredible. Let's see another one. 845 00:37:01,640 --> 00:37:03,350 OK, well, the last two I've grouped together. 846 00:37:03,350 --> 00:37:05,440 So it's Tim and Asim. 847 00:37:05,840 --> 00:37:07,000 Where would you like it? 848 00:37:07,000 --> 00:37:09,130 Sort of in line, as though it's an extension of the table. 849 00:37:09,130 --> 00:37:10,130 Oh, right. 850 00:37:11,620 --> 00:37:12,720 That's pretty good. 851 00:37:45,750 --> 00:37:46,660 OK. 852 00:37:46,660 --> 00:37:48,220 OK, I'm gonna have an attempt now. 853 00:37:49,200 --> 00:37:50,770 - Ready? - Good luck. 854 00:37:58,710 --> 00:37:59,910 Come on! 855 00:37:59,910 --> 00:38:02,640 [applause] 856 00:38:02,640 --> 00:38:03,730 Get in. 857 00:38:03,730 --> 00:38:04,730 Ah! 858 00:38:05,480 --> 00:38:06,740 [Tim] This is another attempt. 859 00:38:14,400 --> 00:38:17,220 - [toy squeaks] - [laughter] 860 00:38:17,220 --> 00:38:18,840 [Tim] The lesser potted giraffe. 861 00:38:18,840 --> 00:38:20,600 [Alex] Lesser potted...? Lesser potted giraffe. 862 00:38:20,600 --> 00:38:21,840 [Tim] The name of the shot, yeah. 863 00:38:21,840 --> 00:38:22,840 [Alex] Thank you. 864 00:38:26,460 --> 00:38:27,510 [whistle blows] 865 00:38:27,610 --> 00:38:30,880 [cheers and applause] 866 00:38:30,880 --> 00:38:32,580 [Alice] That was really good. 867 00:38:34,530 --> 00:38:36,960 Asim, didn't you just create a massive tube? 868 00:38:36,960 --> 00:38:39,150 Yeah. Just a massive tube. 869 00:38:39,150 --> 00:38:41,440 But it got a round of applause from these simpletons. 870 00:38:41,440 --> 00:38:42,910 [laughter] 871 00:38:42,910 --> 00:38:45,310 I dropped it from quite a distance, did you see that? I was a bit cocky. 872 00:38:45,310 --> 00:38:46,770 - [Greg] Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You like that? 873 00:38:46,770 --> 00:38:48,130 I really did. 874 00:38:48,330 --> 00:38:49,640 [laughter] 875 00:38:49,640 --> 00:38:51,770 It's really hard to want to score this, honest to God. 876 00:38:51,770 --> 00:38:54,640 Does it help that Tim called his one "the lesser potted giraffe"? 877 00:38:54,640 --> 00:38:58,000 Yes, it's just bagged him the first place. 878 00:38:58,000 --> 00:38:58,820 [Alex] OK. 879 00:38:58,820 --> 00:39:03,260 [cheers and applause] 880 00:39:03,260 --> 00:39:07,620 I think Liza's stunningly visual... 881 00:39:07,620 --> 00:39:09,530 trickery should go in second place. There. 882 00:39:09,530 --> 00:39:10,470 - [Alex] Do you? - [Greg] Yes, I do. 883 00:39:10,470 --> 00:39:11,420 Thank you. 884 00:39:11,420 --> 00:39:13,910 [applause] 885 00:39:13,910 --> 00:39:16,770 - [Alex laughs] - [laughter] 886 00:39:16,770 --> 00:39:17,640 Fine. 887 00:39:17,640 --> 00:39:18,950 The more you shake your little head, 888 00:39:18,950 --> 00:39:20,730 the lower down you go, you tinker. 889 00:39:20,730 --> 00:39:22,130 [laughter] 890 00:39:22,130 --> 00:39:24,240 OK, so five to Tim, four to Liza. Where are we going? 891 00:39:24,240 --> 00:39:25,550 Oh, man. It's so difficult. 892 00:39:25,550 --> 00:39:27,260 Is it worth going to the bottom? Would that make it easier? 893 00:39:27,260 --> 00:39:29,070 Yes, it would, wouldn't it? 894 00:39:30,200 --> 00:39:31,130 Oh, come on! 895 00:39:31,130 --> 00:39:33,120 No, I'm looking at Alice. It's my glasses. 896 00:39:33,120 --> 00:39:34,150 [laughter] 897 00:39:34,150 --> 00:39:37,130 I'm gonna give one to Alice. I'm giving Big Tube two. 898 00:39:37,130 --> 00:39:38,910 [laughter] 899 00:39:38,910 --> 00:39:40,330 Three to Russell. There, it's done. 900 00:39:40,330 --> 00:39:41,060 OK, done. 901 00:39:41,060 --> 00:39:43,200 - Sorry, Big Tube. - But the winner is Tim Vine! 902 00:39:43,200 --> 00:39:47,620 [cheers and applause] 903 00:39:47,620 --> 00:39:50,350 I am hankering for a scoreboard update, Alex. 904 00:39:50,350 --> 00:39:51,440 Please may I have one? 905 00:39:51,440 --> 00:39:54,510 It's Vine time again. He's in the lead with 22 points. 906 00:39:54,510 --> 00:39:56,200 Second place is Liza Tarbuck. 907 00:39:56,200 --> 00:39:59,310 [cheers and applause] 908 00:40:00,710 --> 00:40:03,350 OK, can you head to the stage, please, 909 00:40:03,350 --> 00:40:06,070 because it's the final task of the show! 910 00:40:10,550 --> 00:40:16,380 [cheers and applause] 911 00:40:17,330 --> 00:40:19,120 What a sinister sight. 912 00:40:19,970 --> 00:40:21,660 Who's gonna read the task, Alex? 913 00:40:21,660 --> 00:40:22,660 Alice Levine. 914 00:40:23,970 --> 00:40:26,910 "Throw as many eggs onto the shelves as possible." 915 00:40:26,910 --> 00:40:29,260 "You must lie flat on your bed at all times." 916 00:40:29,260 --> 00:40:31,150 "Most eggs on the shelf wins." 917 00:40:31,150 --> 00:40:32,970 "You have 100 seconds." 918 00:40:32,970 --> 00:40:35,820 Sounds like this shouldn't be too difficult, Asim. 919 00:40:35,820 --> 00:40:39,070 [laughter] 920 00:40:39,930 --> 00:40:43,330 Have we got this for some weird health and safety, in case we get egg... 921 00:40:43,330 --> 00:40:45,030 Hey, it's because eggs are sturdy! 922 00:40:45,030 --> 00:40:46,330 [laughter] 923 00:40:46,330 --> 00:40:47,820 Use the Force, Luke. 924 00:40:47,820 --> 00:40:49,370 [laughter] 925 00:40:49,370 --> 00:40:51,110 A hundred seconds starts... 926 00:40:51,110 --> 00:40:52,750 - [whistle blows] - [Greg] Let's egg! 927 00:40:59,710 --> 00:41:02,050 [Alex] Oh, that's unlucky, that's lucky. Ooh. 928 00:41:02,880 --> 00:41:03,660 Oh, three at a time. 929 00:41:03,660 --> 00:41:06,400 You've got plenty of time, Asim. Plenty of time. 930 00:41:06,400 --> 00:41:08,450 Very nice, Liza. Very... 931 00:41:11,200 --> 00:41:13,330 Yeah, you're doing alright, you're doing alright. 932 00:41:13,330 --> 00:41:15,030 - [Alex] Ooh! - [Greg] Yay! 933 00:41:15,770 --> 00:41:17,580 Whoa, I've got egg on my... 934 00:41:19,710 --> 00:41:22,120 [audience gasps] 935 00:41:22,840 --> 00:41:24,450 Thirty seconds left. 936 00:41:27,530 --> 00:41:29,260 That's your last egg. 937 00:41:29,260 --> 00:41:31,640 Oh, that was lucky. That's your last one. 938 00:41:31,640 --> 00:41:33,070 You've got a basket. 939 00:41:34,480 --> 00:41:37,310 Not long left, not many eggs left. 940 00:41:37,310 --> 00:41:40,000 [laughter] 941 00:41:40,000 --> 00:41:42,970 It's very egg-citing, isn't it? Very egg-citing. 942 00:41:42,970 --> 00:41:45,510 [blows whistle] That's the end of egg fun. 943 00:41:45,510 --> 00:41:49,130 [cheers and applause] 944 00:41:49,130 --> 00:41:50,550 You count those up, bring 'em down, 945 00:41:50,550 --> 00:41:51,930 we'll see how that's affected the final score. 946 00:41:51,930 --> 00:41:53,130 [Alex] OK. 947 00:41:57,370 --> 00:42:01,080 [cheers and applause] 948 00:42:01,080 --> 00:42:03,170 Well, do you want me to tell you about the eggs? 949 00:42:03,170 --> 00:42:05,710 Er, yes, I would like you to tell me about the eggs. 950 00:42:05,710 --> 00:42:07,710 Alice got two on the shelf. 951 00:42:07,710 --> 00:42:10,220 I think... I think one bounced out. 952 00:42:10,220 --> 00:42:11,220 - Yes? - No. 953 00:42:11,220 --> 00:42:11,840 Oh, no. 954 00:42:11,840 --> 00:42:13,200 I was watching. You had a very nice trajectory, 955 00:42:13,200 --> 00:42:15,200 but it was for 17 feet behind you. 956 00:42:15,200 --> 00:42:16,600 [laughter] 957 00:42:16,600 --> 00:42:18,950 We had Alice on two, Asim three, 958 00:42:18,950 --> 00:42:20,130 Russell and Tim both got five, 959 00:42:20,130 --> 00:42:22,170 but Liza is very good at throwing eggs onto a shelf. 960 00:42:22,170 --> 00:42:23,660 - She got six eggs onto the shelf. - [Greg] Again! 961 00:42:23,660 --> 00:42:24,820 Who knew? 962 00:42:24,820 --> 00:42:26,000 [cheers and applause] 963 00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:27,230 Who knew? 964 00:42:27,950 --> 00:42:31,170 You're the ultimate Renaissance woman. What the hell are you doing? 965 00:42:31,170 --> 00:42:32,620 [Alex] Yeah, it is incredible. 966 00:42:32,620 --> 00:42:36,420 She's now on treble figures. She's on 103 for the series. 967 00:42:36,420 --> 00:42:38,010 - [Russell] Oh, Liz! - [Alice] What?! 968 00:42:38,010 --> 00:42:39,970 Alice and Asim are on 76 and 77, 969 00:42:39,970 --> 00:42:42,060 to give you some idea of how far ahead she is. 970 00:42:42,060 --> 00:42:44,870 I think you might be Britain's most powerful woman. 971 00:42:45,800 --> 00:42:49,550 But, today, the final scores look like this. 972 00:42:49,550 --> 00:42:51,440 - Here it comes. It's... - [Asim] Viney. 973 00:42:51,440 --> 00:42:53,280 [Alex] Vine time! 974 00:42:53,280 --> 00:42:55,930 [cheers and applause] 975 00:42:55,930 --> 00:42:57,470 [he laughs] 976 00:42:58,510 --> 00:42:59,510 Well done. 977 00:43:01,310 --> 00:43:04,930 There you have it. Tim Vine is the winner of episode five. 978 00:43:04,930 --> 00:43:07,620 Please go and gather all of your sturdy stuff! 979 00:43:07,620 --> 00:43:10,130 [cheers and applause] 980 00:43:10,130 --> 00:43:11,200 [Liza] Go on, Tim! 981 00:43:11,200 --> 00:43:14,310 [cheers and applause] 982 00:43:14,310 --> 00:43:15,620 So, what have we learnt today? 983 00:43:15,620 --> 00:43:18,150 We've learnt that when Britain finally sets sail and leaves the EU, 984 00:43:18,150 --> 00:43:19,800 we'll know, because the road signs will say, 985 00:43:19,800 --> 00:43:22,550 "London to Brighton, 390,000 lobsters." 986 00:43:22,550 --> 00:43:24,910 And we've learnt that Tim Vine won the episode. 987 00:43:24,910 --> 00:43:26,420 Who could possibly forget that? 988 00:43:26,420 --> 00:43:29,750 Now, you. Get down there. I'll show you what sturdy is. 989 00:43:29,750 --> 00:43:31,830 Join us next time. Goodbye! 990 00:43:34,710 --> 00:43:37,500 [subtitles by tribbletown]