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Thank you and, of course, hello.
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I'm Greg Davies and this is Taskmaster.
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Three episodes down and
we've already learnt
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so much about the five contestants.
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We've learnt their names, for example.
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But for those who haven't got that far,
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here's what our contenders are
usually called. They are...
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Alice Levine!
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Asim Chaudhry!
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Liza Tarbuck!
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Russell Howard!
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And Tim Vine!
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[applause]
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And next to me, like
a blob of mayonnaise
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that's dripped out of your
sandwich onto your trousers,
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there to remain a nagging reminder
of all the clumsy mistakes in life
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you've ever made.
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It's...
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little Alex Hooorne!
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- [cheers and applause]
- Cheers, Greg. Thank you.
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It's nice to be here.
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And here, to my left,
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he's as mild as he is meek,
it's my assistant, little Ian.
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Little Ian.
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- [applause]
- Pleasure, sir.
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Ready?
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When you are, sir.
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[quietly] The hell is this?
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[laughter]
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It's my assistant, Ian.
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We play squash together and
I've offered him a job.
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Where are you getting
the money from?
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I've taken some of the
money from the budget.
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Sorry, Ian, you're gonna have to leave.
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[audience] Aww.
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No, fuck you.
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[laughter]
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I don't want to embarrass Ian, he
seems like a perfectly nice chap.
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But if you could ask him to
leave, I'd be very grateful.
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You've got to go now.
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No problem, sir.
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Can you book me a car,
though, for after?
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What kind of car would you like?
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I don't give a shit, just make it silver!
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Sorry, sir.
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[applause]
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- Let's start the episode, Alex.
- OK.
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OK, we're gonna start off
with the prize task.
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This week's prize category is
the most thought-provoking thing.
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The person whose thing provokes
the most thought from you, Greg,
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will get a maximum five points,
and at the end of the show,
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the person with the most
points across the episode
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will take home five
thought-provoking things.
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- It's simple but also exciting. Like me.
- Quite long-winded, though.
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- [Alex] Yeah, it was a little bit.
- [laughter]
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Asim?
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Right, so, do you believe that
everyone's got a doppelganger in life?
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Yes, I do. I was saying it to
Alex just before the show.
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Yeah, and I was saying it to-- Oh.
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[laughter]
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So, my mate was in LA, and
he went into this restaurant,
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and there was a painting of
this Iranian prince from, like,
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the 17th century, and this
is my doppelganger.
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Here we go.
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[laughter and applause]
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[Alex] Not bad.
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That's good.
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[Alice] Very good.
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It would provoke this thought:
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"Yeah, that painting looks
a bit like Asim."
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What I would like you to do is
to give voice to the prince.
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OK.
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I'm gonna look at that.
You say what you want.
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[small voice] "Papa G, I love you."
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[laughter]
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"You are a part of my royal kingdom,
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and I look like Asim, and you're
going to give me the prize for this task,
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'cause I love you, Papa G."
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Well done, Asim.
It's an interesting opener.
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- Thank you, Papa.
- Not a problem, my child.
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- Who's next?
- Tim Vine, on the right.
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- [Alex] Here he is.
- Ah, lovely. Thought-provoking?
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I collect records.
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That's my decision and it's vinyl.
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- [laughter]
- [Asim] Oh, come on!
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This album I bought, by Bill & Kate,
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I can't understand what meeting
they looked at that and said,
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"Yeah, that's great. Let's go with that."
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[Greg laughs]
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- Do you wanna see it?
- Please.
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[laughter]
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- [Tim] They're both out of focus.
- [Greg] Yeah.
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[Tim] And they've got this weird
sort of gap on his right.
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Were they there at the same
time or was that early Photoshop?
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Exactly. So many questions.
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Oh, my God. It's worse than
that, I've worked it out.
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- [Alice] What?
- Bill's dead.
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- [everyone gasps]
- [Asim] Some ghost shit.
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That provoked more thought
than I ever dreamt it would.
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[laughter]
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Wanna move on to Liza?
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I do, but I mean, I'm still...
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[laughter]
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[Greg] I'm having so many
thoughts being provoked.
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Liza, provoke my thought.
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The sort of whole concept
of Nikola Tesla.
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- Nikola Tesla?
- Nikola.
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- Nikola Tesla.
- Yeah.
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If I find out that this guy didn't
put his name to Tesla cars,
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I'm gonna be so disappointed.
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I think Tesla cars nicked him to...
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Woo, thank God.
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Without him, we wouldn't have X-rays,
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we wouldn't have remote control,
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we wouldn't have lights.
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The big deal is, he was stopped.
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- He wanted free energy for everybody.
- Right.
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J. P. Morgan, who was funding him,
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kinda closed him down and
sold him as a lunatic.
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Oh God, what became of him, Liza?
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Oh, he died in a hotel room, penniless.
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Oh, shut up.
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TESLAAA!
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I think that 'cause it has to be prize,
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we can't give him, so we've
got some of his files.
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[Greg] It's a good job you did the
talking before we saw that.
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[laughter]
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- Dear oh dear.
- So we've got the concept of Tesla.
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Yeah, good.
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- Shall we move on to Alice Levine?
- Alice Levine.
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This was a thought-provoking
book that I read recently.
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[laughter]
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It's provoked a thought.
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There are just some really incredible
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bits of thought-provoking
philosophy in her book.
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- So I've got a few here.
- Oh, you've jotted a few down.
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"If you break the law...
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you have to pay."
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[Asim] Hmm.
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- [Alice] Hmm.
- Wow, that's deep.
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That's deep, isn't it?
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That's incredible, because
that's so not deep.
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You're looking for angles
underneath her saying,
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"You shouldn't break the law."
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Right, OK. Well, Judge Judy was
more thought-provoking
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than I thought, I guess.
Who's next?
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Well, the final person is
Russell Howard, there.
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OK, so I was on a plane recently...
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and a Buddhist monk sat next to me.
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And then I was looking at what
he was playing on his iPad.
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And he was playing a game
that was a fidget spinner.
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And he was just... spinning it, like that.
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[laughter]
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And I just couldn't stop
thinking about his life.
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[laughter]
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Is this what he does to get
away from Buddhism?
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He's like, "Yeah, see you in a
bit!" and then just gets a flight.
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And just spins fidgets.
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Or when you get to the
end of Buddhism,
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do you pull back a curtain and
there's just a big fidget spinner?
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- Yeah.
- [laughter]
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He's completed Buddhism?
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When you get to the
end of Buddhism, right.
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- Yeah, when you get to the...
- The end of Buddhism.
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[Alex] Are you ready to judge, Greg?
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- I am.
- Mm-hm.
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In last place, with one point,
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Is?
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Asim.
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- Oh, come on!
- [laughter]
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- Asim gets one, OK.
- Just up from that...
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A lot of thought, and it made
me scream into the air,
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but yet, pound for pound,
it was a little bit dry.
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- It's Tesla.
- [Alex] Tesla.
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Liza gets two points.
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Then I'm gonna pop... Alice in,
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and I've made some really
good notes about yours.
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I wrote this note. Ready?
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"Made me think."
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[laughter]
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- In second place, controversial...
- With four points. Uh-huh?
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Because whatever they're
up to, Bill & Kate,
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it provoked so much
thought in me,
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it still is.
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But, Buddhism,
it's a worthy winner, isn't it?
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- Russell Howard wins.
- [Alex] Five points.
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[applause]
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OK, let's get going. Alex?
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Yes, and here's a task to celebrate
all the men out there, at last.
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[laughter]
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[he clicks his fingers]
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OK. It's a box.
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Hi, possums.
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[Alex] Sorry?
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Don't be sorry.
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"Do something manly with
this cardboard box."
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"Manliest thing wins."
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"You've got 20 minutes.
Your time starts now."
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Hmm.
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I could get in it and cough, couldn't I,
and pretend I've got flu.
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[laughter]
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Manly, though. What does
manly mean, you know?
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DIY is pretty manly.
204
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It means they've got manly...
a man's... characteristics.
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Macho, isn't it? Macho.
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I'm gonna need a woman.
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[Alex] OK. I'll get you a woman.
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I mean, the manliest thing
I can think of is, just, like,
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- beating the shit out of it.
- [Alex] Mm-hm.
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You know? Like, windmilling it, just...
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OK, let's go for it.
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Come on, then, world!
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Stand by for a bit of manly.
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[applause]
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Who are we gonna see first?
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We're gonna start with
an actual man, Mr Vine.
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Here we go.
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[funky music begins]
219
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♪ Tasty, yeah ♪
220
00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:56,360
♪ Damn, you're tasty ♪
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- ♪ So baby lick your lips ♪
- [van honks]
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♪ And take a bite ♪
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00:09:03,020 --> 00:09:05,770
♪ Baby I'm all yours tonight ♪
224
00:09:05,770 --> 00:09:09,410
♪ You're looking so tasty, yeah ♪
225
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♪ Damn, you're tasty ♪
226
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♪ Ooh, give it to me now ♪
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[cheers and applause]
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Fantastic.
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- It worked for me.
- [laughter]
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At a time when men are, you
know, under a lot of fire,
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what a wonderful
display of manliness.
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Hell of a start. Who's next?
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The bar is set high. We're
gonna move on to Asim and Alice.
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[Alex] These two.
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- Ooh.
- Ahh.
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[robotic voice] Hi, Asim.
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My name is iFeel.
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00:09:52,530 --> 00:09:54,260
How do you feel?
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00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:55,910
Oh, hi, iFeel.
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00:09:55,910 --> 00:09:59,050
Um, I feel... Well, I don't
know how I feel.
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- You'll be playing the part of Woman.
- OK.
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00:10:03,040 --> 00:10:04,770
- I'll be playing the part of Man.
- Right.
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00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:06,840
I'm gonna ask you to do something,
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and I'm gonna pay you for it.
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- OK.
- OK?
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00:10:10,240 --> 00:10:14,150
Can you tell me the words to
"Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star"?
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00:10:14,150 --> 00:10:14,860
Yeah.
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"Twinkle, twinkle, little star.
How I wonder what you are."
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I feel like everyone wants me
to be a big strong man, but...
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when I talk about my feelings,
everyone just takes the piss.
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Never feel bad about feeling, Asim.
252
00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:33,480
There's nothing more manly than
a man talking about how he feels.
253
00:10:33,480 --> 00:10:34,260
True.
254
00:10:34,260 --> 00:10:36,370
Um, OK, I'm gonna pay you...
255
00:10:36,370 --> 00:10:37,680
£20.
256
00:10:37,680 --> 00:10:38,400
Thank you.
257
00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:40,570
I'm now gonna do the same for you.
258
00:10:40,570 --> 00:10:44,110
"Twinkle, twinkle, little star.
How I wonder what you are."
259
00:10:44,110 --> 00:10:45,240
I'm playing the part of Man,
260
00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:48,510
so I'm gonna pay myself
all of this, OK?
261
00:10:48,510 --> 00:10:49,160
Yeah.
262
00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:53,000
The more we talk, the more we learn.
263
00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:55,080
The more we love.
264
00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:57,550
Would you like a hug, Asim?
265
00:10:57,550 --> 00:10:59,840
- Oh, yeah, I'd love a hug.
- Hug!
266
00:10:59,840 --> 00:11:01,770
Alright, yeah, coming.
267
00:11:01,770 --> 00:11:03,480
- That's a good hug.
- Cheers, mate.
268
00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:04,440
Hug!
269
00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:05,750
Yeah, alright, I'm hugging.
270
00:11:05,750 --> 00:11:06,600
Hug!
271
00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:08,230
Bit needy, isn't he?
272
00:11:08,550 --> 00:11:12,860
So that was my piece, housed
here in the Cardboard Box Theatre,
273
00:11:12,860 --> 00:11:15,530
on the manly gender pay gap.
274
00:11:15,530 --> 00:11:20,620
[applause]
275
00:11:20,620 --> 00:11:22,550
I seem to remember finding it funnier,
276
00:11:22,550 --> 00:11:24,550
- but I obviously took it quite seriously.
- Yeah, yeah.
277
00:11:24,550 --> 00:11:26,910
- [laughter]
- Rightly so.
278
00:11:26,910 --> 00:11:29,330
No, I thought it's good to
make a political point.
279
00:11:29,330 --> 00:11:30,620
- Why not?
- Oh, absolutely.
280
00:11:30,620 --> 00:11:33,480
- Asim, your affection robot.
- Yeah.
281
00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:35,660
Toxic masculinity is
quite a horrible thing,
282
00:11:35,660 --> 00:11:39,570
and I'm from, like, you know,
a certain place in London,
283
00:11:39,570 --> 00:11:42,000
and we all have to be big men,
we've gotta be hard and all...
284
00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:42,660
Yeah.
285
00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:44,550
So I thought I'd fuckin'
do a robot, right?
286
00:11:44,550 --> 00:11:46,510
- [laughter]
- Fuckin', you know what I mean?
287
00:11:46,510 --> 00:11:48,350
Give me a little hug!
You know, it's not gay.
288
00:11:48,350 --> 00:11:49,070
Not gay.
289
00:11:49,170 --> 00:11:50,500
[laughter]
290
00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:53,420
Hold that thought. I'm gonna
send us into a break now.
291
00:11:53,420 --> 00:11:54,420
BREAK!
292
00:12:03,820 --> 00:12:06,400
Welcome and welcome all over again.
293
00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:08,880
My name's Greg Davies
and I am the Taskmaster,
294
00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:10,550
and this is Taskmaster.
295
00:12:10,550 --> 00:12:13,350
Before the break, we were...
Alex, what were we doing?
296
00:12:13,350 --> 00:12:15,440
There were manly things
going on, Greg.
297
00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:17,400
Remember, Asim and Alice made, in turn,
298
00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:19,040
a poignant remark on the male psyche
299
00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:21,060
and an important statement
on the gender pay gap.
300
00:12:21,060 --> 00:12:22,080
- Yes they did.
- Also...
301
00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:23,200
Tim Vine took his top off.
302
00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:25,010
[everyone cheers]
303
00:12:25,930 --> 00:12:27,820
We're gonna see the final
two together now.
304
00:12:27,820 --> 00:12:30,000
Liza Tarbuck and Russell Howard.
305
00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:31,860
Let's see what we can come up with,
306
00:12:31,860 --> 00:12:33,360
'cause we're good at this, aren't we?
307
00:12:33,560 --> 00:12:34,480
Yeah.
308
00:12:34,480 --> 00:12:36,110
- You get me a pipe.
- [Alex] OK.
309
00:12:36,110 --> 00:12:38,080
And let's meet outside.
310
00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:39,480
- [Alex] See you in a minute.
- Yep.
311
00:12:48,730 --> 00:12:50,310
Right, let's get this...
312
00:12:50,310 --> 00:12:51,820
- Get this off.
- Oh.
313
00:12:51,820 --> 00:12:53,640
I've got some tattoos,
you may have noticed.
314
00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:54,330
[Alex] Yeah.
315
00:12:54,330 --> 00:12:58,000
Beard, petrol, Clarkson and Top Gear.
316
00:12:58,000 --> 00:12:59,570
So what's your problem?
317
00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:00,310
I was thinking--
318
00:13:00,310 --> 00:13:02,420
DON'T LISTEN TO YOUR MUM!
319
00:13:08,970 --> 00:13:11,360
There you are.
I'll take that one out.
320
00:13:11,910 --> 00:13:14,380
Do you want, um...
Do you want anything else?
321
00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:16,170
OK.
322
00:13:17,260 --> 00:13:19,000
Give us a shout if you want anything.
323
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:22,530
[applause]
324
00:13:22,530 --> 00:13:23,920
I might go back to university.
325
00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:27,080
What the fffuck!
326
00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:28,880
Go down the local abattoir,
327
00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:31,640
take your own hammer
and start taking names.
328
00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:33,480
- Next!
- Tinder?
329
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,680
No, no, no, no, no!
330
00:13:35,680 --> 00:13:37,400
If you wanna get a woman,
what do you do?
331
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,420
- I've told you before.
- Hammer, abattoir.
332
00:13:39,420 --> 00:13:40,840
No, no!
333
00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:41,980
You wanna get a woman...
334
00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:45,440
- your best advice, light a fire.
- Right.
335
00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:47,550
Get what you've killed at the abattoir,
336
00:13:47,550 --> 00:13:49,480
burn that - hopefully - pig.
337
00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:52,420
The scent of the meat will
bring the lady to you.
338
00:13:52,420 --> 00:13:54,750
Cook her the meat. Bang, done.
339
00:13:54,750 --> 00:13:55,910
Marriage.
340
00:13:55,910 --> 00:13:58,820
Till, of course, she
FUCKS YOUR BROTHER!
341
00:13:58,820 --> 00:14:00,810
[laughter]
342
00:14:02,060 --> 00:14:03,240
- You alright, Russell?
- What?
343
00:14:03,240 --> 00:14:04,820
- You OK?
- Yeah, I'm fine, yeah.
344
00:14:04,820 --> 00:14:07,000
- That felt pretty manly.
- [Alex laughs]
345
00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:08,560
Oh, I forgot my tie and all.
346
00:14:10,060 --> 00:14:11,780
[laughter]
347
00:14:14,420 --> 00:14:19,340
[box snoring]
348
00:14:20,710 --> 00:14:23,510
[applause]
349
00:14:23,510 --> 00:14:25,610
- We contrasted perfectly.
- Yeah!
350
00:14:26,620 --> 00:14:28,750
Such a different...
351
00:14:28,750 --> 00:14:32,530
Such a different
understanding of "manly".
352
00:14:32,530 --> 00:14:35,750
I was on board with all
of the stuff, the saw,
353
00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:37,950
the toplessness, the tattoos.
354
00:14:37,950 --> 00:14:40,550
And then we got onto the taking
a hammer to an abattoir.
355
00:14:40,550 --> 00:14:42,110
[laughter]
356
00:14:42,110 --> 00:14:45,360
Listen, I don't know how it works,
I'm not the most manly man, but...
357
00:14:45,660 --> 00:14:47,040
I imagine that's what they do.
358
00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:48,510
That's what they do.
359
00:14:48,510 --> 00:14:50,620
Not according to Liza Tarbuck, though.
360
00:14:50,620 --> 00:14:52,910
It was actually quite heartbreaking.
361
00:14:52,910 --> 00:14:55,130
Yeah, good role model, wasn't it?
362
00:14:55,130 --> 00:14:57,530
Of days gone by. Hopefully.
363
00:14:57,530 --> 00:14:58,260
Really?
364
00:14:58,260 --> 00:14:59,480
Well, I don't know.
365
00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:01,400
I've never been a subservient female.
366
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:03,040
[laughter]
367
00:15:03,040 --> 00:15:03,950
Yet.
368
00:15:03,950 --> 00:15:06,000
[laughter]
369
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:08,570
There were crusts, crisps
and mustard on the plate,
370
00:15:08,570 --> 00:15:10,220
and the tea had three sugars in.
371
00:15:10,220 --> 00:15:12,570
No need. No need, but
she added the sugars.
372
00:15:12,570 --> 00:15:13,420
Yeah, we really...
373
00:15:13,420 --> 00:15:16,420
Of course, 'cause that's what that
pig would want in his tea, isn't it?
374
00:15:16,420 --> 00:15:17,930
- [Greg] Leave him!
- [Russell] Yeah.
375
00:15:17,930 --> 00:15:20,110
Leave him, you know what he's
up to when you're not looking.
376
00:15:20,110 --> 00:15:22,070
He's down the abattoir
with a hammer.
377
00:15:22,070 --> 00:15:23,370
[laughter]
378
00:15:23,370 --> 00:15:24,970
OK, so you've seen them all, Greg.
379
00:15:24,970 --> 00:15:26,200
- Yes, I have.
- You've gotta judge them now.
380
00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:28,260
- I know, and it's very difficult.
- Mm-hm.
381
00:15:28,260 --> 00:15:31,820
What I'm gonna do is I'm
gonna give four points
382
00:15:31,820 --> 00:15:33,150
to everybody,
383
00:15:33,150 --> 00:15:37,480
apart from the heartbreak
of Liza's broken woman.
384
00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:38,350
Aww!
385
00:15:38,350 --> 00:15:40,880
- One point more, five points.
- One point more? Oh, five points!
386
00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:44,130
- Wow, I thought I was out of the game!
- [applause]
387
00:15:44,130 --> 00:15:47,420
OK, I'm ready for the first
scoreboard update, please.
388
00:15:47,420 --> 00:15:49,950
It's close today. We have a
leader, though, at this point.
389
00:15:49,950 --> 00:15:51,660
It's a man. It's Russell Howard.
390
00:15:51,660 --> 00:15:52,840
[they gasp]
391
00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:54,750
[Alex] With nine points,
but it's close.
392
00:15:54,750 --> 00:15:57,260
[applause]
393
00:15:57,260 --> 00:15:59,020
Very good. Now, what I'd like,
394
00:15:59,020 --> 00:16:01,930
now we've done some serious
issues on this program,
395
00:16:01,930 --> 00:16:04,530
I'd like something fun. Have you
got something fun lined up for me?
396
00:16:04,530 --> 00:16:06,710
I've got something fun.
Are you ready for the fun?
397
00:16:06,710 --> 00:16:09,060
- Yes, please. Bring on the fun.
- Here comes the fun.
398
00:16:24,020 --> 00:16:26,230
- [Alex] Hello, Liza.
- You there!
399
00:16:26,330 --> 00:16:28,000
- [Alex] Hello, Asim.
- Hi.
400
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:29,530
- [Alex] Oh, hello, Tim.
- Hello.
401
00:16:29,530 --> 00:16:30,620
[Alex] You've got mail.
402
00:16:30,620 --> 00:16:32,080
We've got mail?
403
00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:33,730
- Shall we? Can we...?
- Yeah, let's have a look.
404
00:16:33,730 --> 00:16:35,870
- Liza, why don't you do the honours?
- OK.
405
00:16:37,660 --> 00:16:39,840
"Have the most fun."
406
00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:43,130
"You have three minutes,
at the end of which
407
00:16:43,130 --> 00:16:47,860
you must return to the caravan
and await your second task."
408
00:16:47,860 --> 00:16:49,660
"Have the most fun."
409
00:16:49,660 --> 00:16:52,550
"You have three minutes, after
which you must return to the caravan,
410
00:16:52,550 --> 00:16:53,730
and await a second task."
411
00:16:53,730 --> 00:16:55,570
- So we're just having fun now?
- Having fun? Yes!
412
00:16:55,570 --> 00:16:57,640
Woo-hoo! I'm going to the shed!
413
00:16:57,640 --> 00:16:58,350
[Asim] What about me?
414
00:16:58,350 --> 00:16:59,710
[Tim] Let's get some stuff
out the tool shed!
415
00:16:59,710 --> 00:17:02,150
- [Liza] For some fun!
- [Tim] The tool shed's got loads of...
416
00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:04,330
- Um...
- I'm not really into fun.
417
00:17:04,530 --> 00:17:06,960
[laughter]
418
00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:09,200
[applause]
419
00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:12,410
Two very different responses
to this task, there.
420
00:17:12,410 --> 00:17:13,810
Good. Listen, let's get into them.
421
00:17:13,810 --> 00:17:15,770
I wanna see how these guys
have fun together.
422
00:17:15,770 --> 00:17:18,170
OK, well, fun is "enjoyment,
amusement or light-hearted pleasure".
423
00:17:18,170 --> 00:17:21,130
Let's start with Alice and Russell.
424
00:17:21,130 --> 00:17:22,930
Actually, do you know
what I do really love?
425
00:17:22,930 --> 00:17:24,200
- Go.
- A bath.
426
00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:26,730
But you love football, so why don't I
have a bath while you play football?
427
00:17:26,730 --> 00:17:29,060
That makes sense. So you sit in
the bath and I'll chip the ball to you.
428
00:17:29,060 --> 00:17:30,420
And I believe the football's here.
429
00:17:34,360 --> 00:17:36,610
If there was hot water in here
and I had a glass of wine...
430
00:17:36,610 --> 00:17:38,100
I'll get you some wine.
431
00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:40,150
[Alex] You having fun, Alice?
432
00:17:40,150 --> 00:17:41,710
Umm...
433
00:17:41,710 --> 00:17:43,710
- Oh, now...
- Sherry in the bath?
434
00:17:43,710 --> 00:17:45,840
- [she laughs]
- That seems to make sense.
435
00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:47,550
There you go.
436
00:17:47,550 --> 00:17:49,710
- Lush, thank you.
- That's some sherry in a bath.
437
00:17:49,710 --> 00:17:50,820
Thank you.
438
00:17:50,820 --> 00:17:53,080
This might make somebody
really happy.
439
00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:56,200
Maybe a little old lady out
there, rubbing herself silly
440
00:17:56,200 --> 00:18:00,770
over the idea of Alice in a bath
and me doing keepy-ups.
441
00:18:00,770 --> 00:18:02,170
[Alex] Ten seconds and
then you've got to...
442
00:18:02,170 --> 00:18:06,240
And she's home going, "Ah,
ah! Oh God, I'm close, I'm close!"
443
00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:07,680
[Alex] Five seconds, then
back in the caravan.
444
00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:09,800
- We have to get back in the caravan.
- Oh... Oh, God!
445
00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:13,060
- [Russell] What fun.
- [whistle blows]
446
00:18:16,310 --> 00:18:19,330
[applause]
447
00:18:19,330 --> 00:18:20,170
Hi.
448
00:18:20,170 --> 00:18:22,370
- [Alex] You've got mail.
- Oh.
449
00:18:22,370 --> 00:18:23,530
What's happening?
450
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:28,000
"Exactly recreate your
attempt at the first task."
451
00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:31,620
"Most accurate task reconstruction
wins. You have three minutes."
452
00:18:31,620 --> 00:18:33,750
"Your time starts when Alex
shouts his own name."
453
00:18:33,750 --> 00:18:36,480
[applause]
454
00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:40,200
Well, I was totally drawn in by
your initial definition of fun.
455
00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:41,220
[Greg] I like a bath.
456
00:18:41,220 --> 00:18:44,240
I like watching Russell Howard
keep a football up in the air.
457
00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:46,620
- Those are both fun things for me.
- Washing and exercise.
458
00:18:46,620 --> 00:18:47,680
Yeah, lovely.
459
00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:50,680
Halfway through,
you suggested that there
460
00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:52,660
might be an old woman
masturbating.
461
00:18:52,660 --> 00:18:54,640
[laughter]
462
00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:56,420
Listen, we don't know
that there isn't.
463
00:18:56,420 --> 00:18:57,930
No, no, we don't...
464
00:18:57,930 --> 00:18:59,260
And she's here tonight!
465
00:18:59,260 --> 00:19:01,330
[laughter]
466
00:19:01,330 --> 00:19:03,730
OK, let's watch the second
part of that, then.
467
00:19:03,730 --> 00:19:05,140
Yes, here we go.
468
00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:06,620
[Alex] Alex Horne!
469
00:19:06,620 --> 00:19:09,060
Um, I don't really like having fun.
470
00:19:09,060 --> 00:19:10,400
Oh, but... What did I say?
471
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:12,280
Oh, actually, I love a bath.
472
00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:14,280
I find baths really fun.
473
00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:16,510
Why don't you have a bath
and I'll play football?
474
00:19:16,510 --> 00:19:18,400
- You do keepy... Yeah, OK.
- In fact, there's a football in the shed,
475
00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:19,430
so I'll go and get that.
476
00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:21,660
[DING]
477
00:19:23,350 --> 00:19:24,780
This would be absolutely perfect
478
00:19:24,780 --> 00:19:27,080
if there was hot water in
here and a glass of wine.
479
00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:29,060
Oh, a glass of wine! OK, well,
there is some booze,
480
00:19:29,060 --> 00:19:30,650
so I'll go get you some booze.
481
00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:34,310
[Alex] Are you having fun, Alice?
482
00:19:34,310 --> 00:19:36,200
- Umm...
- Yes, I am!
483
00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:38,480
- Oh, now...
- Sherry in the bath?
484
00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:40,710
- Oh, what is it, sherry?
- Sherry.
485
00:19:40,710 --> 00:19:42,620
- Oh, thank you.
- [DING]
486
00:19:42,620 --> 00:19:44,310
Oh, that's pungent.
487
00:19:44,310 --> 00:19:45,680
And then I said, well, to be honest,
488
00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:47,400
there's probably a little old lady...
489
00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:49,710
- [laughter]
- who's sat at home...
490
00:19:49,710 --> 00:19:56,200
And it's kind of her dream... to
watch Alice Levine in a bath...
491
00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:57,640
as I do keepy-ups.
492
00:19:57,640 --> 00:19:59,310
You said something about rubbing--
493
00:19:59,310 --> 00:20:01,020
- Rubbing herself silly!
- [DING]
494
00:20:01,020 --> 00:20:03,880
- over the idea of Alice in bath.
- Touching herself over... Agh!
495
00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:05,110
me doing keepy-ups.
496
00:20:05,110 --> 00:20:07,220
She was like, "Oh, yeah! Yeah, yeah!"
497
00:20:07,220 --> 00:20:10,530
Yeah, she's sort of sat there
going, "Ah, I'm close! I'm close!"
498
00:20:10,530 --> 00:20:14,310
"I'm close! If you could do that
thing like that and then volley it!"
499
00:20:14,310 --> 00:20:15,820
Did you go in first or second?
500
00:20:15,820 --> 00:20:17,530
- I went in first.
- OK.
501
00:20:17,530 --> 00:20:18,780
[whistle blows]
502
00:20:18,780 --> 00:20:20,860
- [applause]
- We did alright!
503
00:20:20,860 --> 00:20:22,020
We did alright.
504
00:20:22,020 --> 00:20:24,460
The accuracy of the recreation
was unbelievable, wasn't it?
505
00:20:24,460 --> 00:20:26,050
- Pretty good.
- It's incredible, what they did.
506
00:20:26,050 --> 00:20:27,555
I feel so ashamed for being, like,
507
00:20:27,580 --> 00:20:29,620
"You said something about
her rubbing herself."
508
00:20:29,620 --> 00:20:32,800
And then you said, "Yeah! Ah, yeah!"
509
00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:34,950
Let's stop all the fun right there,
510
00:20:34,950 --> 00:20:37,560
and, for a while, glaze over
for some adverts.
511
00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:38,660
See you shortly.
512
00:20:45,950 --> 00:20:50,020
Oh, hi, baby, and welcome
back to Taskmaster.
513
00:20:50,020 --> 00:20:52,620
We're in the thick of a
fun task with a twist.
514
00:20:52,620 --> 00:20:54,180
Isn't that right, little Alex Horne?
515
00:20:54,180 --> 00:20:56,200
That's right. This is a tricky one, Greg.
516
00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:59,680
Alice and Russell have had as much fun
as possible for three minutes,
517
00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:02,750
and then opened another task asking
them to have it all over again,
518
00:21:02,750 --> 00:21:06,200
replicating the first bout of fun
as precisely as possible.
519
00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:10,460
Now we're gonna ask Asim, Liza
and Tim to have their fun.
520
00:21:10,860 --> 00:21:12,320
[Liza] BMXing!
521
00:21:13,620 --> 00:21:14,630
[Liza] That's fun!
522
00:21:15,350 --> 00:21:16,970
Stashing it in there.
523
00:21:16,970 --> 00:21:18,360
[Asim] So much fun.
524
00:21:19,330 --> 00:21:20,330
[Asim] Are you having fun?
525
00:21:20,330 --> 00:21:21,780
[Tim] This is so much fun, this.
526
00:21:23,860 --> 00:21:25,660
How many minutes
have we had, gents?
527
00:21:25,660 --> 00:21:27,600
[Alex] One minute 45 left.
528
00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:29,020
I'll try hooping this over your head.
529
00:21:29,020 --> 00:21:30,880
OK, that's great!
530
00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:32,440
- [audience cheers]
- [Liza] Back at ya!
531
00:21:33,550 --> 00:21:34,770
Oh, sh...
532
00:21:34,770 --> 00:21:37,400
I don't know how much
more fun I can have!
533
00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:39,550
- [Asim] I'm having so much fun.
- [Tim] With the fence!
534
00:21:39,550 --> 00:21:41,450
I'm gonna try and hit the mail box.
535
00:21:42,330 --> 00:21:43,200
[Liza] Nice work!
536
00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:44,280
That was immediately fun.
537
00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:46,140
Will you catch my potato?
538
00:21:47,310 --> 00:21:48,420
[Liza] That's fun!
539
00:21:48,420 --> 00:21:49,420
Through the hoop!
540
00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:51,900
[laughter]
541
00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:53,200
Fun!
542
00:21:54,220 --> 00:21:55,720
[Asim] Fun!
543
00:21:57,530 --> 00:21:59,500
Absolutely mental banter.
544
00:21:59,500 --> 00:22:02,750
- Oh, look, the cushions are loose.
- [they laugh]
545
00:22:02,750 --> 00:22:03,440
[whistle blows]
546
00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:05,820
[Alex] Back into the caravan,
please. Back in.
547
00:22:05,820 --> 00:22:07,820
- [Asim] Back in, back in.
- [Liza] That's fun.
548
00:22:07,820 --> 00:22:09,660
- [Asim] Right.
- [Tim laughs]
549
00:22:14,370 --> 00:22:15,770
- Oh.
- Hello.
550
00:22:15,770 --> 00:22:17,000
[he laughs]
551
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:20,840
"Exactly recreate your
attempt at the first task."
552
00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:23,680
[applause]
553
00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:27,170
Well, everyone's going,
"They can't recreate that madness."
554
00:22:27,170 --> 00:22:29,710
There's only one thing I'd like
to say before we see it.
555
00:22:29,710 --> 00:22:31,970
What's the best fun you
could ever have?
556
00:22:31,970 --> 00:22:33,480
[both] BMXing!
557
00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:35,170
[laughter]
558
00:22:35,170 --> 00:22:37,620
They've got a combined age of 135.
559
00:22:37,620 --> 00:22:38,970
[laughter]
560
00:22:38,970 --> 00:22:41,970
OK, this is their attempt
to recreate that.
561
00:22:41,970 --> 00:22:42,770
[Asim] OK.
562
00:22:42,770 --> 00:22:44,480
- [Alex] Alex Horne!
- [Liza screams]
563
00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:47,550
[Asim] Let's get our props! Come on!
564
00:22:47,550 --> 00:22:48,550
[Liza] I'm doing that.
565
00:22:49,950 --> 00:22:50,570
[DING]
566
00:22:50,570 --> 00:22:51,670
It's exhau...
567
00:22:52,420 --> 00:22:53,420
That's fun!
568
00:22:54,150 --> 00:22:55,600
Stashing it in there.
569
00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:57,030
- [Asim] So much fun.
- [DING]
570
00:22:58,460 --> 00:23:00,650
Did I come back here for some fun?
571
00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:04,200
- How many minutes have we had, gents?
- [DING]
572
00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:05,440
[Alex] One minute 45 left.
573
00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:06,950
I'll try and get this hoop over you.
574
00:23:06,950 --> 00:23:09,220
Oh, OK! OK.
575
00:23:09,220 --> 00:23:09,970
OK, that's...
576
00:23:09,970 --> 00:23:11,040
- [DING]
- [they cheer]
577
00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:12,420
[Asim] Fun!
578
00:23:12,620 --> 00:23:14,150
Yeah!
579
00:23:14,150 --> 00:23:16,080
[Liza] I'm running off for a spud.
580
00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:18,280
- I think I got the hoops wrong.
- [Asim] So much fun.
581
00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:19,460
- The fence!
- [DING]
582
00:23:19,460 --> 00:23:21,110
Oh, look, there's cushions in here!
583
00:23:21,110 --> 00:23:23,470
Can you catch my potato?
584
00:23:23,770 --> 00:23:24,860
- [DING]
- [Liza] That's fun!
585
00:23:24,860 --> 00:23:26,570
[Liza] Yay!
586
00:23:26,570 --> 00:23:28,660
I'll put the hoop up. Ready?
587
00:23:28,660 --> 00:23:30,110
The hoop? Go!
588
00:23:30,110 --> 00:23:31,330
- [DING]
- [they laugh]
589
00:23:31,330 --> 00:23:32,330
Fun!
590
00:23:32,970 --> 00:23:34,830
[Tim] Oh, hang on, there's this here!
591
00:23:36,420 --> 00:23:38,020
- [Liza shrieks]
- [DING]
592
00:23:38,020 --> 00:23:40,020
[Liza] Oh, that's fun!
593
00:23:40,020 --> 00:23:41,770
Pass me that, pass me that!
594
00:23:41,770 --> 00:23:43,970
- [Alex] 30 seconds left.
- That's so much fun. Look!
595
00:23:43,970 --> 00:23:46,200
It's a hat! Banter!
596
00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:47,640
- [DING]
- Mental banter.
597
00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:49,350
Woo-hoo!
598
00:23:49,350 --> 00:23:51,270
Guys, this is insane!
599
00:23:52,110 --> 00:23:53,640
- [whistle blows]
- [DING]
600
00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:57,600
[applause]
601
00:23:57,600 --> 00:24:00,100
"Will you catch my potato?"
602
00:24:01,060 --> 00:24:03,640
- Pretty fun stuff.
- OK, you've got to judge two tasks there.
603
00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:05,110
First of all, which team
had the most fun,
604
00:24:05,110 --> 00:24:07,170
and then which team
recreated it best.
605
00:24:07,170 --> 00:24:12,040
I would say both teams recreated the
fun they were having fairly accurately.
606
00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:12,640
OK, then.
607
00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:14,950
So I would give them
both the same points.
608
00:24:14,950 --> 00:24:16,300
- How many points?
- Three.
609
00:24:16,300 --> 00:24:17,240
Yes, OK.
610
00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:19,000
No, four. I'll give them
four out of five.
611
00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:20,220
- Five, maybe?
- Yeah.
612
00:24:20,220 --> 00:24:21,310
- Five?
- Five.
613
00:24:21,310 --> 00:24:23,220
[laughter]
614
00:24:23,220 --> 00:24:24,570
Who had the most fun?
615
00:24:24,570 --> 00:24:28,170
Well, I think both teams had
a lot of fun doing that.
616
00:24:28,170 --> 00:24:30,820
How many points for Alice and
Russell, and how many for the others?
617
00:24:30,820 --> 00:24:32,820
Two for Alice and Russell,
three for the others.
618
00:24:32,820 --> 00:24:35,080
- There, done.
- OK, you're the boss. Here we go.
619
00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:37,440
[applause]
620
00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:41,440
On we go. Can we have something
arty and edible, please?
621
00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:44,200
OK, how about some art made
with your favourite food?
622
00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:45,130
[Greg gasps]
623
00:24:45,130 --> 00:24:46,430
- [laughter]
- Yeah?
624
00:24:57,750 --> 00:24:58,750
Hi, cherub.
625
00:24:59,970 --> 00:25:01,840
- Hi.
- [Alex] Oh, hello, Liza.
626
00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:02,840
Oh, God.
627
00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:05,240
Well, it's probably not
what I think it is, is it?
628
00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:06,830
- Is it squirty cream?
- [Alex] Yes.
629
00:25:06,830 --> 00:25:08,380
Oh, then it is what I think it is.
630
00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:13,000
"Make the best art using
the entire contents
631
00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:15,240
of this can of squirty cream."
632
00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:18,070
"You have 20 minutes.
Your time starts now."
633
00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:20,600
Hmm.
634
00:25:22,370 --> 00:25:23,900
Oh, that's a lovely start, innit?
635
00:25:24,510 --> 00:25:26,350
I share a birthday with Magritte.
636
00:25:26,350 --> 00:25:27,510
[Alex] How old is Magritte?
637
00:25:27,510 --> 00:25:28,910
- He's dead now.
- Oh.
638
00:25:28,910 --> 00:25:31,730
OK, I think I've got an idea.
I'll be right back.
639
00:25:31,730 --> 00:25:33,570
I'm gonna have a look in the shed.
640
00:25:34,620 --> 00:25:36,480
[laughter]
641
00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:40,860
[applause]
642
00:25:40,860 --> 00:25:42,800
Classic first stop for art, right?
643
00:25:42,800 --> 00:25:43,660
Into the shed?
644
00:25:43,660 --> 00:25:44,570
Into the shed, yeah, yeah.
645
00:25:44,570 --> 00:25:46,300
So we're gonna see all five
of them making their art
646
00:25:46,300 --> 00:25:48,350
in their own different ways.
Here we go.
647
00:25:48,350 --> 00:25:49,510
So...
648
00:25:49,510 --> 00:25:51,600
this is not just a piece of art,
649
00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:55,030
but it's also a bit of social commentary.
650
00:25:56,570 --> 00:25:59,080
Oh, what if I run out cream?
651
00:25:59,080 --> 00:26:01,710
Right, I want you on the canvas.
652
00:26:01,710 --> 00:26:02,480
Just draping?
653
00:26:02,480 --> 00:26:05,100
Yeah, sort of sprawled as if
something terrible has happened.
654
00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:14,040
As long as we get the
outline, I think it's fine.
655
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:15,330
Yeah, nice, nice.
656
00:26:15,330 --> 00:26:19,220
Yep, and let's have this arm
sort of... a bit more flail-y.
657
00:26:28,620 --> 00:26:30,010
[laughter]
658
00:26:31,280 --> 00:26:32,280
Mmm.
659
00:26:40,820 --> 00:26:44,970
Oh, look at that dirty sod
flipping off there. Look at it, oh-ho!
660
00:26:44,970 --> 00:26:46,720
This is proper art now.
661
00:27:01,910 --> 00:27:03,220
I think I'm done.
662
00:27:04,170 --> 00:27:05,330
I'd buy that.
663
00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:08,700
I think it's finished.
664
00:27:09,260 --> 00:27:10,880
Global warming.
665
00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:12,230
Time's running out.
666
00:27:13,110 --> 00:27:14,410
Oh, God.
667
00:27:17,060 --> 00:27:19,220
[Liza] It's got a life of its own!
668
00:27:19,220 --> 00:27:20,800
[she laughs]
669
00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:23,620
[applause]
670
00:27:23,620 --> 00:27:25,950
Let's see Asim's and Tim's.
Here we go.
671
00:27:25,950 --> 00:27:26,950
[Alex] There they are.
672
00:27:27,620 --> 00:27:30,040
Well, you're the artist. You'd better
talk us through your thinking.
673
00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:31,820
A powerful social statement?
674
00:27:31,820 --> 00:27:34,150
Yeah, global warming,
you know, just...
675
00:27:34,150 --> 00:27:36,570
It was snowing two weeks ago
in spring or whatever it is.
676
00:27:36,570 --> 00:27:37,860
- [Greg] Yeah.
- [Asim] It's mental.
677
00:27:37,860 --> 00:27:40,750
I know, I came out onto my
balcony and saw the snow,
678
00:27:40,750 --> 00:27:42,620
and I thought, "Oh, this is like..."
679
00:27:42,620 --> 00:27:45,060
"This is like putting a giraffe
in a bell jar with some..."
680
00:27:45,060 --> 00:27:46,530
[laughter]
681
00:27:46,530 --> 00:27:48,680
- "...cream."
- [Asim] You know what I mean?
682
00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:50,710
That's some pretty powerful
social commentary.
683
00:27:50,710 --> 00:27:53,240
Tim, the floor's with you. ER?
684
00:27:53,240 --> 00:27:56,630
[Tim] ER, that's... The name of
that piece of art is...
685
00:27:56,930 --> 00:28:00,440
- Her Majesty the Cream.
- [scattered laughter]
686
00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:03,330
- 'Cause it's ER.
- [laughter]
687
00:28:03,330 --> 00:28:04,840
[Greg] Deserved more.
688
00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:08,880
- Her Majesty the Cream.
- [laughter]
689
00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:10,840
I don't think they've heard,
actually. Her Majesty...
690
00:28:10,840 --> 00:28:14,510
[laughter and applause]
691
00:28:14,510 --> 00:28:16,200
It's really good.
692
00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:18,570
[laughter]
693
00:28:18,570 --> 00:28:19,640
Uh, who's next?
694
00:28:19,640 --> 00:28:21,560
We can see Liza and Russell's.
695
00:28:22,600 --> 00:28:24,910
[laughter]
696
00:28:24,910 --> 00:28:27,880
- I think let's have a look at Liza's first.
- OK, I'll get Liza's up first.
697
00:28:27,880 --> 00:28:29,870
[Greg] You're the artist.
Talk us through it.
698
00:28:29,895 --> 00:28:31,660
[Liza] I've got a bit of a
thing about gaffer.
699
00:28:31,660 --> 00:28:34,820
So, yeah, just... Use the cream,
do that, did it. You know.
700
00:28:34,820 --> 00:28:35,880
[Alex] You called it, er...
701
00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:37,750
- The name was Once.
- [Liza] Yeah.
702
00:28:37,750 --> 00:28:39,210
And you said it wasn't a happy piece.
703
00:28:39,210 --> 00:28:41,410
No, it's not. It's troublesome, isn't it?
704
00:28:42,110 --> 00:28:43,420
Why is it called Once?
705
00:28:43,420 --> 00:28:45,000
Well, that's not how it started.
706
00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:47,000
So the whippy cream that was once there
707
00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:49,060
was actually predominantly on the floor
708
00:28:49,060 --> 00:28:52,910
'cause it had dripped in a slightly
filthy way down the brickwork.
709
00:28:52,910 --> 00:28:54,420
[Alex] Mm-hm. Do you want
to see Russell's?
710
00:28:54,420 --> 00:28:55,570
[Greg] Yes, I do.
711
00:28:55,570 --> 00:28:58,950
[Alex] This is before, and then
when the body was taken away,
712
00:28:58,970 --> 00:29:01,040
the remaining picture looked like this.
713
00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:02,310
[Alice] Oh, that's good!
714
00:29:02,310 --> 00:29:03,750
- [Greg] Oh, it's quite haunting.
- [Russell] Yeah.
715
00:29:03,750 --> 00:29:05,550
Can you remember what I called it?
716
00:29:05,550 --> 00:29:07,060
- My Balls?
- No.
717
00:29:07,060 --> 00:29:09,220
You called it The Diabetic Crime Scene.
718
00:29:09,220 --> 00:29:09,910
That's it.
719
00:29:09,910 --> 00:29:13,060
[Russell] Your two hobbies
were diving and ukulele-playing.
720
00:29:13,060 --> 00:29:15,330
You were about to enjoy
the day to end all days,
721
00:29:15,330 --> 00:29:18,220
and some swine came along
and chopped your nuts off.
722
00:29:18,420 --> 00:29:21,060
It's like having the audio
guide in the gallery.
723
00:29:21,060 --> 00:29:22,910
- [Russell] Yeah.
- [laughter]
724
00:29:22,910 --> 00:29:24,600
- One left to see.
- Yeah.
725
00:29:24,600 --> 00:29:28,530
- Oh, God.
- Alice Levine's squirty cream picture.
726
00:29:28,530 --> 00:29:30,640
[Alex] She used coffee
granules to make it brown.
727
00:29:30,640 --> 00:29:33,770
She's the only one who affected
the colour by mixing in another agent.
728
00:29:33,770 --> 00:29:36,070
Oh, my God. She's at the
vanguard of a new movement.
729
00:29:36,070 --> 00:29:37,640
[laughter]
730
00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:39,570
I don't think I'll be
appreciated in my lifetime.
731
00:29:39,570 --> 00:29:41,370
You will not. Tragic.
732
00:29:41,370 --> 00:29:43,000
Talk us through it. It's a beautiful piece.
733
00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:46,770
[Alice] So, I worried about
the subjectivity of art,
734
00:29:46,770 --> 00:29:48,200
and what you would
consider the best.
735
00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:48,860
Jesus.
736
00:29:48,860 --> 00:29:53,280
And so I copied the Mona Lisa.
Can't you tell?
737
00:29:53,280 --> 00:29:57,870
[Alice] Although it does look a tiny bit
like Guy Fawkes, but that's OK.
738
00:29:58,530 --> 00:30:00,750
Yeah, you were the only person
to use a paintbrush, which is quite...
739
00:30:00,750 --> 00:30:04,400
That's got to get her big art points.
I'm not an expert.
740
00:30:05,420 --> 00:30:07,020
Well, do you want to see all
five next to each other?
741
00:30:07,020 --> 00:30:08,430
- Yes, I do, please.
- Then you can make a decision.
742
00:30:08,430 --> 00:30:12,000
Before you mark it, can I just
say again, Her Majesty the Cream.
743
00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:13,770
[laughter]
744
00:30:13,770 --> 00:30:15,510
[Greg] OK, shall I make
some quick decisions?
745
00:30:15,510 --> 00:30:17,220
[Alex] OK, then. In five place,
with one point...
746
00:30:17,220 --> 00:30:18,260
Thank you.
747
00:30:18,260 --> 00:30:20,000
[laughter]
748
00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:22,150
One minute, I'm just gonna
score these very quickly.
749
00:30:22,150 --> 00:30:24,080
- Global warming in fifth.
- [Alex] OK.
750
00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:27,060
[Greg] I really enjoyed
Her Majesty the Cream.
751
00:30:27,060 --> 00:30:30,000
[he groans] But I'm putting it in fourth.
752
00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:33,970
- And then, um, chopped-off balls.
- OK, three points to Russell.
753
00:30:33,970 --> 00:30:37,280
And it is, it's Liza's it's haunting me.
It's going in first place,
754
00:30:37,280 --> 00:30:39,130
and the Mona Crema in second.
755
00:30:39,130 --> 00:30:41,140
[Alex] OK, so five points to Liza Tarbuck.
756
00:30:41,140 --> 00:30:43,970
- [applause]
- Well, I can't believe it.
757
00:30:43,970 --> 00:30:47,220
Wonderful artwork. Alex, have
we got time for one more?
758
00:30:47,220 --> 00:30:49,510
We do. It's a quick, it's an
easy one. It's this one.
759
00:30:56,440 --> 00:30:58,450
- Hello, Alex.
- Oh, hello, Russell.
760
00:30:58,750 --> 00:31:00,070
Fiver under a pint.
761
00:31:03,680 --> 00:31:06,600
"Remove the £5 note from under the pint..."
762
00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:08,660
"without spilling any of the pint."
763
00:31:08,660 --> 00:31:10,460
"You may not touch the pint glass."
764
00:31:10,460 --> 00:31:12,620
"If you spill any of the pint,
you are disqualified."
765
00:31:12,620 --> 00:31:14,010
From the whole thing?
766
00:31:14,770 --> 00:31:17,100
"Fastest wins."
767
00:31:17,400 --> 00:31:18,540
Oh, is this one of those...
768
00:31:19,600 --> 00:31:20,710
boys' tricks?
769
00:31:20,710 --> 00:31:23,310
- [Alex] Does it say your time starts now?
- Oh, time starts now, yeah.
770
00:31:23,310 --> 00:31:24,420
OK.
771
00:31:24,420 --> 00:31:27,220
[applause]
772
00:31:27,220 --> 00:31:29,260
- Pretty straightforward.
- You're not allowed to touch the glass.
773
00:31:29,260 --> 00:31:31,550
You're not allowed to touch the
glass, but you've got to get it off the £5.
774
00:31:31,550 --> 00:31:33,320
[Alex] We're gonna start with
Alice and Russell.
775
00:31:33,320 --> 00:31:36,070
Oh, God. [she laughs]
776
00:31:39,970 --> 00:31:41,910
So if I drank all of the pint...
777
00:31:41,910 --> 00:31:43,730
but I'd be touching the pint glass.
778
00:31:43,730 --> 00:31:45,520
Oh, unless I drank it with a straw.
779
00:31:51,080 --> 00:31:51,970
Christ.
780
00:31:51,970 --> 00:31:54,880
I can't drink all of that
against the clock.
781
00:31:54,880 --> 00:31:55,880
I'll be sick.
782
00:31:57,330 --> 00:31:58,770
That tastes like truancy.
783
00:31:58,970 --> 00:32:00,860
[laughter]
784
00:32:01,060 --> 00:32:02,900
Hmm. Hmm.
785
00:32:11,020 --> 00:32:13,710
[laughter]
786
00:32:13,710 --> 00:32:16,000
I know what you're thinking,
that it's not gonna work.
787
00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:18,540
But there's no evidence to that effect.
788
00:32:31,370 --> 00:32:32,510
[Alex] Thank you, Russell.
789
00:32:32,510 --> 00:32:33,700
[he exhales]
790
00:32:41,200 --> 00:32:42,880
[Alex] Would have been
quick, wouldn't it?
791
00:32:43,950 --> 00:32:47,640
[applause]
792
00:32:47,640 --> 00:32:49,260
- Not terrible attempts.
- No.
793
00:32:49,260 --> 00:32:51,400
No, Russell took one minute and 19.
794
00:32:51,400 --> 00:32:53,030
Um, Alice?
795
00:32:53,030 --> 00:32:56,330
Bit slow, minor breakdown
halfway through when you decided
796
00:32:56,330 --> 00:32:58,440
to start using a cup that
was bigger than the glass.
797
00:32:58,440 --> 00:33:00,260
- Yes. Yes.
- [laughter]
798
00:33:00,260 --> 00:33:02,950
It was pretty sound up to that
point. Give me some statistics.
799
00:33:02,950 --> 00:33:05,750
It was three minutes 27.
There was a hint of spillage.
800
00:33:05,750 --> 00:33:07,730
- Just a little bit.
- What?!
801
00:33:07,730 --> 00:33:10,260
Alex, you're such a snitch.
802
00:33:10,260 --> 00:33:12,150
I mean, it is my job. And, well...
803
00:33:12,150 --> 00:33:14,150
I've just put it in a
little replay package.
804
00:33:14,150 --> 00:33:15,150
Are you fff...
805
00:33:16,440 --> 00:33:18,400
Just 'cause if there's any
spillage, you're not allowed...
806
00:33:18,400 --> 00:33:20,510
I've got so much dirt on you.
Just remember that.
807
00:33:20,510 --> 00:33:22,640
Well, you can judge whether
or not this is a spillage.
808
00:33:22,640 --> 00:33:24,360
Hmm. Hmm.
809
00:33:37,040 --> 00:33:39,800
Why have you done a full
Maclntyre Undercover on me?
810
00:33:39,800 --> 00:33:42,920
Yeah, thing is,
I had to clean it up, so...
811
00:33:43,420 --> 00:33:44,950
It's your job!
812
00:33:44,950 --> 00:33:47,030
You should be ashamed
of yourself, woman.
813
00:33:48,130 --> 00:33:49,970
[laughter]
814
00:33:49,970 --> 00:33:53,270
Part three is finished. It's done,
it's over, through. Bye-bye.
815
00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:05,020
Oh, hello. Welcome back
to Taskmaster,
816
00:34:05,020 --> 00:34:07,000
where some truly
thought-provoking items
817
00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:09,640
are soon to be claimed by
one of our five contestants.
818
00:34:09,640 --> 00:34:11,350
But for now, back to business.
819
00:34:11,350 --> 00:34:15,310
That's right, and this business is trying
to pinch a fiver from beneath a pint,
820
00:34:15,310 --> 00:34:16,680
but the pint can't be moved.
821
00:34:16,680 --> 00:34:18,880
Alice and Russell used
a straw technique.
822
00:34:18,880 --> 00:34:22,750
What technique will our next
two, Tim and Asim, use?
823
00:34:22,950 --> 00:34:24,060
Let's see.
824
00:34:24,260 --> 00:34:25,260
OK.
825
00:34:29,950 --> 00:34:32,370
Now, is there anything... What
do they have? Things here that...
826
00:34:32,370 --> 00:34:34,600
Look, I don't know what
the hell that is, but...
827
00:34:34,600 --> 00:34:36,950
This is not me touching
the pint glass.
828
00:34:36,950 --> 00:34:38,570
Look, I'm not touching
the pint glass, look.
829
00:34:38,570 --> 00:34:42,120
But this is just to anchor the
thing down, you see? Like that.
830
00:34:42,420 --> 00:34:43,660
So, you... Now, you...
831
00:34:43,660 --> 00:34:46,860
Actually, no, that's making it...
832
00:34:46,860 --> 00:34:49,910
I now don't want to spill any of the pint.
833
00:34:49,910 --> 00:34:54,120
[laughing] So I've transferred the pint,
slightly, onto this thing.
834
00:34:57,200 --> 00:35:00,660
Oh, I just realised the new £5
notes are waterproof, aren't they?
835
00:35:00,660 --> 00:35:02,120
I thought it'd sog up and...
836
00:35:03,440 --> 00:35:04,800
OK, I don't think that's done anything.
837
00:35:04,800 --> 00:35:07,180
"Remove the £5 note from
under the pint..."
838
00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:11,470
Yeah, I may not touch the
pint. Oh, easy. OK.
839
00:35:17,220 --> 00:35:18,220
There we go.
840
00:35:19,280 --> 00:35:20,910
Oh, I should have done
this earlier, you see.
841
00:35:20,910 --> 00:35:23,330
Aaand... stop!
842
00:35:23,330 --> 00:35:26,480
[applause]
843
00:35:26,480 --> 00:35:29,930
What was the plan if the
fiver had "sogged up"?
844
00:35:30,840 --> 00:35:32,710
It would've just ripped
and then, like...
845
00:35:32,710 --> 00:35:34,150
What, you were gonna tear it round?
846
00:35:34,150 --> 00:35:36,260
Yeah, just tear it round
and just, like, I dunno.
847
00:35:36,260 --> 00:35:38,200
It's the new bloody £5 notes, innit?
848
00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:41,330
They're like... plastic, waterproof.
Bloody Brexit, innit?
849
00:35:41,330 --> 00:35:44,400
- [laughter]
- Bloody is. It's all Brexit, mate.
850
00:35:44,400 --> 00:35:45,190
Did you understand...?
851
00:35:45,190 --> 00:35:47,330
It was gonna rip round it, but
it's still underneath it...?
852
00:35:47,330 --> 00:35:49,330
[Greg] There's still gonna be a
circle of £5 note there.
853
00:35:49,330 --> 00:35:52,150
I don't know. I was just fucking
winging it, wasn't I?
854
00:35:52,150 --> 00:35:54,440
It was very difficult to tell if you
spilt any, 'cause it was all wet.
855
00:35:54,440 --> 00:35:55,820
Nah, no spillage, mate.
856
00:35:55,820 --> 00:35:57,330
I don't think there was
any spillage with mine.
857
00:35:57,330 --> 00:36:00,810
Don't think so, despite you
putting the revolting brush thing in it.
858
00:36:00,810 --> 00:36:01,930
[laughter]
859
00:36:01,930 --> 00:36:05,550
I don't what that was. I think it
belonged to the landlord.
860
00:36:05,550 --> 00:36:07,500
He had one tooth and just used...
861
00:36:08,600 --> 00:36:09,530
Do you want the timings?
862
00:36:09,530 --> 00:36:11,860
Yeah, come on, let's get on
with it. Timings, yeah.
863
00:36:11,860 --> 00:36:16,110
So, Tim. Took him two
minutes, 54 seconds.
864
00:36:16,110 --> 00:36:17,230
God, that's rubbish.
865
00:36:17,230 --> 00:36:18,950
So that's nearly three minutes
to push a pint off a note.
866
00:36:18,950 --> 00:36:19,780
OK.
867
00:36:19,780 --> 00:36:21,860
Remember, Russell
took one minute 19.
868
00:36:21,860 --> 00:36:24,060
Asim took one minute 20.
869
00:36:24,060 --> 00:36:25,860
[they gasp]
870
00:36:25,860 --> 00:36:27,080
Ooh.
871
00:36:27,080 --> 00:36:29,280
But it feels like there's a
good time out there still.
872
00:36:29,280 --> 00:36:31,480
You should be able to do it in under
a minute. So do you want to see Liza?
873
00:36:31,480 --> 00:36:33,220
- Yes, please.
- OK.
874
00:36:33,220 --> 00:36:35,360
So the thing is just to really pull it.
875
00:36:38,040 --> 00:36:39,180
Am I quick enough?
876
00:36:41,660 --> 00:36:43,380
Am I quick enough?
877
00:36:45,020 --> 00:36:46,570
- No.
- [audience] Aww!
878
00:36:46,570 --> 00:36:48,430
[she laughs] Thank you.
879
00:36:48,530 --> 00:36:50,730
[applause]
880
00:36:50,930 --> 00:36:52,300
Moving it on.
881
00:36:52,600 --> 00:36:54,260
"Can I do it? No."
882
00:36:54,260 --> 00:36:56,060
[they laugh]
883
00:36:56,060 --> 00:36:58,670
- [Alex] She was quick. She was very quick.
- [Greg] She was really quick.
884
00:36:58,670 --> 00:37:00,120
So what does that mean? Give us some...
885
00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:01,950
Well, I'm afraid it's zero
points for Alice and Liza,
886
00:37:01,950 --> 00:37:03,640
who both spilt so much beer.
887
00:37:03,640 --> 00:37:06,070
[Greg] Ooh, so much.
888
00:37:07,020 --> 00:37:08,780
You messy pups!
889
00:37:09,080 --> 00:37:10,440
Tim gets three points in third,
890
00:37:10,440 --> 00:37:12,220
then Asim in second place
with four points.
891
00:37:12,220 --> 00:37:13,950
Russell gets five points
for winning the task!
892
00:37:13,950 --> 00:37:18,060
[cheers and applause]
893
00:37:18,060 --> 00:37:20,680
Now, Alex, may we please
see the scoreboard?
894
00:37:20,680 --> 00:37:25,420
Yes, it means Alice and Asim
are adrift with 18 points,
895
00:37:25,420 --> 00:37:26,860
but the other three are still in it,
896
00:37:26,860 --> 00:37:29,260
and Russell is still in
the lead with 24 points.
897
00:37:29,260 --> 00:37:30,310
[Liza] Oh, hello.
898
00:37:30,310 --> 00:37:34,950
[applause]
899
00:37:34,950 --> 00:37:36,480
OK, well, here's something novel.
900
00:37:36,480 --> 00:37:39,460
Would you please all follow
me up to the stage...
901
00:37:39,460 --> 00:37:42,050
- What?
- for the final task of the show?
902
00:37:46,770 --> 00:37:50,000
[applause]
903
00:37:51,070 --> 00:37:52,160
This is weird.
904
00:37:52,160 --> 00:37:55,400
- Mm-hm. Welcome to the stage.
- Yeah, I like it.
905
00:37:55,400 --> 00:37:57,170
Mm-hm. Who do you want
to read the task?
906
00:37:57,170 --> 00:37:58,640
I'd Russell to read the task,
if that's alright.
907
00:37:58,640 --> 00:38:00,200
- Russell Howard?
- Yes, Russell Howard.
908
00:38:00,200 --> 00:38:01,950
- There we go, Russell.
- That's alright, mate.
909
00:38:01,950 --> 00:38:03,170
"When tapped on the shoulder,
910
00:38:03,170 --> 00:38:05,750
shake hands with the
Taskmaster - that's Greg -
911
00:38:05,750 --> 00:38:07,460
without revealing your identities."
912
00:38:07,460 --> 00:38:09,530
"You may not speak during the task."
913
00:38:09,530 --> 00:38:12,640
"Everyone must shake hands
with the Taskmaster once,
914
00:38:12,640 --> 00:38:14,660
for at least two seconds."
915
00:38:14,660 --> 00:38:17,770
"If the Taskmaster guesses
your identity, you are eliminated."
916
00:38:17,770 --> 00:38:20,800
"The task continues until
we have a winner."
917
00:38:20,800 --> 00:38:22,240
- Thank you, Russell.
- Pleasure.
918
00:38:22,240 --> 00:38:24,130
[Alex] If you want to pop your
blindfold on now, Greg.
919
00:38:24,130 --> 00:38:26,040
Consider it popped.
920
00:38:26,040 --> 00:38:28,130
I'm just gonna run through
how it's gonna work, OK?
921
00:38:28,130 --> 00:38:29,900
'Cause you're gonna be
randomly selected,
922
00:38:31,310 --> 00:38:34,130
and then Greg will put his hand forward.
923
00:38:34,130 --> 00:38:36,770
You come forward and
you shake his hand.
924
00:38:36,770 --> 00:38:39,340
For at least two seconds.
925
00:38:41,460 --> 00:38:43,780
Oh, I thought this was
gonna be so easy.
926
00:38:45,660 --> 00:38:46,840
[laughter]
927
00:38:46,840 --> 00:38:48,510
You can go-- I can go now.
928
00:38:48,510 --> 00:38:50,510
And then Greg will guess who it is.
929
00:38:50,510 --> 00:38:52,750
After all five people have shaken,
930
00:38:52,750 --> 00:38:54,710
I will say how many
people he's got right.
931
00:38:54,710 --> 00:38:57,240
The people he's got wrong have to
go and sit on the elimination bench.
932
00:38:57,240 --> 00:38:59,170
Greg, whose hand did you just shake?
933
00:38:59,170 --> 00:39:01,040
Oh... Now, that's interesting,
934
00:39:01,040 --> 00:39:03,130
'cause I thought that
was you demonstrating,
935
00:39:03,130 --> 00:39:04,460
so I think it was your hand.
936
00:39:04,460 --> 00:39:05,750
- Good.
- Was it?
937
00:39:05,750 --> 00:39:07,200
[laughter]
938
00:39:07,200 --> 00:39:09,960
I think that shows he is beatable.
939
00:39:10,570 --> 00:39:11,970
[laughter]
940
00:39:11,970 --> 00:39:14,370
So, Greg will be the only one
talking throughout the entire task.
941
00:39:14,370 --> 00:39:17,210
I'm gonna walk behind you. If I tap
you on your shoulder, you approach.
942
00:39:21,600 --> 00:39:25,110
[laughter]
943
00:39:25,110 --> 00:39:26,870
Very clever.
944
00:39:27,970 --> 00:39:30,370
Greg, whose hand did you just shake?
945
00:39:30,370 --> 00:39:31,280
Asim's.
946
00:39:31,280 --> 00:39:32,970
- Oh, for fuck's...
- [laughter]
947
00:39:32,970 --> 00:39:35,570
So you stay there. No talking,
try not to give it away.
948
00:39:35,570 --> 00:39:36,570
Sorry.
949
00:39:36,770 --> 00:39:38,700
[Alex laughs]
950
00:39:39,710 --> 00:39:41,450
[he laughs]
951
00:39:46,020 --> 00:39:47,440
[Greg] Oh, I don't like it.
952
00:39:47,440 --> 00:39:49,140
[laughter]
953
00:39:49,910 --> 00:39:51,530
Oh! Oh...
954
00:39:51,530 --> 00:39:52,600
Yeah, nice.
955
00:39:52,600 --> 00:39:54,350
- Very nice.
- [Alex] OK, that's enough shaking.
956
00:39:54,350 --> 00:39:56,310
It's Russell.
957
00:39:56,310 --> 00:39:59,620
- [laughter]
- Again, no reactions, please.
958
00:39:59,620 --> 00:40:01,670
[laughter]
959
00:40:03,280 --> 00:40:06,030
[laughter]
960
00:40:07,530 --> 00:40:08,770
Oh, no!
961
00:40:08,770 --> 00:40:10,420
[laughter]
962
00:40:10,420 --> 00:40:13,000
[laughing] Oh, no!
963
00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:15,530
Ugh. Oh, God.
964
00:40:15,530 --> 00:40:16,820
[Alex] Whose hand, Greg?
965
00:40:16,820 --> 00:40:17,750
Tim Vine.
966
00:40:17,750 --> 00:40:19,170
- Argh!
- [Alex] Shh!
967
00:40:19,170 --> 00:40:23,120
[laughter and applause]
968
00:40:26,460 --> 00:40:27,600
Oh, ffff--
969
00:40:27,600 --> 00:40:30,550
[Alex] Ooh, now was that
at least two seconds?
970
00:40:30,550 --> 00:40:33,080
Oh, OK. OK, it's been given.
971
00:40:33,080 --> 00:40:34,550
Liza Tarbuck.
972
00:40:34,950 --> 00:40:36,410
[Alex] There is one
shake remaining.
973
00:40:42,460 --> 00:40:43,570
Ooh!
974
00:40:43,570 --> 00:40:47,620
[laughter]
975
00:40:48,460 --> 00:40:52,210
[laughter]
976
00:40:53,930 --> 00:40:56,720
Oh, no. The breathing's awful. Oh!
977
00:40:56,720 --> 00:41:00,110
[laughter]
978
00:41:01,020 --> 00:41:03,220
- Whose hand was that, Greg?
- Russell Howard's.
979
00:41:04,150 --> 00:41:06,370
Please could the people
who he got right
980
00:41:06,370 --> 00:41:08,230
go now to the elimination bench?
981
00:41:09,600 --> 00:41:11,040
[laughter]
982
00:41:11,040 --> 00:41:12,260
I think we have a winner.
983
00:41:12,260 --> 00:41:14,260
[laughter]
984
00:41:14,260 --> 00:41:15,780
- Can I...?
- [Alex] OK.
985
00:41:17,370 --> 00:41:19,230
[Alex] Alice Levine is the winner!
986
00:41:20,110 --> 00:41:21,760
Was it that one? Argh!
987
00:41:23,420 --> 00:41:24,750
Oh, that was horrible.
988
00:41:24,750 --> 00:41:26,820
Let's all make our way
back down to the stage
989
00:41:26,820 --> 00:41:28,850
and we'll find out the final scores.
990
00:41:31,970 --> 00:41:34,150
[applause]
991
00:41:34,150 --> 00:41:36,310
Good. Well, that was pretty strange.
992
00:41:36,310 --> 00:41:37,750
Glad to be back in the throne.
993
00:41:37,750 --> 00:41:38,970
Can I have my snack, please, Alex?
994
00:41:38,970 --> 00:41:40,060
Oh, can I have my snack, please, Ian?
995
00:41:40,060 --> 00:41:41,450
- Certainly, sir.
- Mm-hm.
996
00:41:47,460 --> 00:41:48,680
Hm.
997
00:41:48,680 --> 00:41:50,030
What happened to the scores?
998
00:41:50,930 --> 00:41:52,020
[laughter]
999
00:41:52,020 --> 00:41:54,200
Interesting tactics in the handshake.
1000
00:41:54,200 --> 00:41:59,000
Asim very cleverly disguised his hand
using his very distinctive jacket.
1001
00:41:59,000 --> 00:42:01,170
[laughter]
1002
00:42:01,170 --> 00:42:03,550
But in the end, Alice won by having a hand
1003
00:42:03,550 --> 00:42:05,300
that felt like Russell Howard's hand.
1004
00:42:06,460 --> 00:42:09,460
Well, that means... I can tell
you the series scores, first of all.
1005
00:42:09,460 --> 00:42:10,680
Very tight at the bottom.
1006
00:42:10,680 --> 00:42:11,680
- Yeah.
- [Asim] Ooh.
1007
00:42:12,710 --> 00:42:14,970
- Thanks very much.
- [Asim] Cheers.
1008
00:42:14,970 --> 00:42:18,060
Asim on 58, Alice on 60
and Tim on 61.
1009
00:42:18,060 --> 00:42:21,300
In the 70s, Russell on 72,
Liza on 78.
1010
00:42:22,440 --> 00:42:23,330
Blimey!
1011
00:42:23,330 --> 00:42:24,620
[applause]
1012
00:42:24,620 --> 00:42:26,550
[Liza] There's gonna be a fight.
1013
00:42:26,550 --> 00:42:29,060
This has been our closest
episode by far.
1014
00:42:29,060 --> 00:42:31,200
Just six points separating
all five of them.
1015
00:42:31,200 --> 00:42:33,330
Asim at the bottom, but at the top,
1016
00:42:33,330 --> 00:42:34,620
Mr Russell Howard!
1017
00:42:34,620 --> 00:42:36,320
- [they cheer]
- With 24 points!
1018
00:42:36,420 --> 00:42:38,910
[cheers and applause]
1019
00:42:38,910 --> 00:42:41,430
What? Whaaat?!
1020
00:42:42,350 --> 00:42:45,150
Would you believe it?
With his first victory
1021
00:42:45,150 --> 00:42:47,170
- of the series thus far.
- [Russell] It is.
1022
00:42:47,170 --> 00:42:48,710
Russell Howard has won.
1023
00:42:48,710 --> 00:42:51,820
Please go and collect your
thought-provoking material!
1024
00:42:51,820 --> 00:42:54,370
[cheers and applause]
1025
00:42:54,370 --> 00:42:56,550
So, what have we learnt today?
1026
00:42:56,550 --> 00:42:58,000
We've learnt what a man is.
1027
00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:00,040
A man sits watching the golf,
1028
00:43:00,040 --> 00:43:02,260
stands around topless
at the side of a road,
1029
00:43:02,260 --> 00:43:04,350
doesn't talk about his
feelings often enough,
1030
00:43:04,350 --> 00:43:07,570
and gets paid way too much before
smacking a cow with a hammer.
1031
00:43:07,570 --> 00:43:12,420
But, for now, we need to clap like lunatics
one more time for tonight's winner,
1032
00:43:12,420 --> 00:43:15,720
the brilliant Russell Howard.
Well done to him!
1033
00:43:16,600 --> 00:43:19,810
And thank you for watching. Good night!
1034
00:43:22,680 --> 00:43:26,750
[subtitles by tribbletown]