1
00:00:34,910 --> 00:00:38,330
Hello and welcome to another
chapter in the tale of Taskmaster.
2
00:00:38,330 --> 00:00:40,000
I am your narrator, Greg Davies.
3
00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:42,880
Now, this head needs a new owner,
4
00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:44,400
and these are the only five people
5
00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:46,060
on the planet capable of claiming it.
6
00:00:46,060 --> 00:00:49,020
They are... James Acaster!
7
00:00:49,020 --> 00:00:51,100
Jessica Knappett!
8
00:00:52,310 --> 00:00:54,360
Kerry Godliman!
9
00:00:54,360 --> 00:00:56,550
Phil Wang!
10
00:00:56,550 --> 00:00:58,685
And Rhod Gilbert!
11
00:01:00,770 --> 00:01:03,360
And splattered all over
the chair next to me,
12
00:01:04,130 --> 00:01:06,950
is the rancorous pustule
of a human being
13
00:01:06,950 --> 00:01:09,770
that happens to be very
good at Microsoft Excel.
14
00:01:09,770 --> 00:01:12,320
It's little Alex Horne!
15
00:01:12,320 --> 00:01:14,200
Thank you, Greg.
That's very nice of you.
16
00:01:18,910 --> 00:01:20,080
Hello. Hello, Greg.
17
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:21,780
Thank you for the compliments.
18
00:01:26,150 --> 00:01:27,275
Nothing?
19
00:01:27,275 --> 00:01:29,910
I'm waiting, Alex. We normally
have a chat during this section.
20
00:01:29,910 --> 00:01:32,370
Yes. I'm feeling very chilled today.
21
00:01:32,370 --> 00:01:34,450
- I feel good in myself.
- Do you?
22
00:01:34,450 --> 00:01:36,275
- I know what you were hoping for.
- Yeah.
23
00:01:36,275 --> 00:01:37,750
I know what you were hoping for,
24
00:01:37,750 --> 00:01:39,710
- and I know it took hours.
- Yes.
25
00:01:39,710 --> 00:01:42,320
This is what you get when you try
and get that much attention.
26
00:01:42,320 --> 00:01:43,385
Nothing.
27
00:01:47,350 --> 00:01:49,340
So what's the prize task, Alex?
28
00:01:52,660 --> 00:01:53,810
We've asked them to bring in
29
00:01:53,810 --> 00:01:56,250
the most exciting thing
beginning with G.
30
00:01:56,250 --> 00:01:58,040
- Hmm. OK?
- Oooh.
31
00:01:58,040 --> 00:01:59,230
You, of course,
know what mine is.
32
00:01:59,230 --> 00:02:00,600
It's your special spot.
33
00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:01,770
I shouldn't-- I--
34
00:02:01,770 --> 00:02:02,950
Oh my God.
35
00:02:04,860 --> 00:02:07,310
The person or woman that's
brought in the most exciting thing--
36
00:02:07,310 --> 00:02:09,210
Person or woman!
37
00:02:09,210 --> 00:02:12,060
That's brought in the most exciting
thing beginning with G
38
00:02:12,060 --> 00:02:14,060
will get five wholesome points.
39
00:02:14,060 --> 00:02:15,440
Philip. Hello.
40
00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:16,730
Oh, hi, Greg.
41
00:02:16,730 --> 00:02:18,820
What's the G thing
you've brought in?
42
00:02:18,820 --> 00:02:23,050
A gooold five-dollar bill!
43
00:02:25,510 --> 00:02:28,010
I think you will agree
this is very exciting.
44
00:02:28,010 --> 00:02:30,410
It's money made out of...
45
00:02:30,710 --> 00:02:32,280
- You OK?
- No, no. I'm good.
46
00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:34,080
It's money made out of gold.
47
00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:36,010
I bought this at Lincoln Memorial,
48
00:02:36,010 --> 00:02:37,695
and I haggled for it.
49
00:02:37,695 --> 00:02:40,275
The shopkeeper said,
"This is $30."
50
00:02:40,275 --> 00:02:41,510
I said, "15."
51
00:02:41,510 --> 00:02:42,660
And she said, "30."
52
00:02:42,660 --> 00:02:44,605
I said, uh, "20."
53
00:02:44,605 --> 00:02:45,815
And she said, "30."
54
00:02:45,815 --> 00:02:48,320
So I paid $30 for this bill.
55
00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:51,350
You might have paid $30,
but if you look closely
56
00:02:51,350 --> 00:02:53,485
at the back, there is
a price tag as well.
57
00:02:53,485 --> 00:02:54,710
You can see it...
58
00:02:57,740 --> 00:03:00,570
Well, goodness me. Kerry?
59
00:03:00,570 --> 00:03:02,800
Right. My thing is guacamole.
60
00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:04,510
OK, and-- What?
61
00:03:06,330 --> 00:03:08,150
You heard Phil's, did you?
62
00:03:08,150 --> 00:03:09,900
I-I'm irritated already!
63
00:03:11,110 --> 00:03:13,370
Tell me it's not a bowl
of guacamole, Kerry.
64
00:03:13,370 --> 00:03:14,575
Yes, it is.
65
00:03:14,575 --> 00:03:16,260
Let's have a look at it.
66
00:03:16,260 --> 00:03:18,730
It doesn't even look very nice!
67
00:03:18,730 --> 00:03:20,860
I'm a better shade of green
than that, Kerry.
68
00:03:22,550 --> 00:03:24,280
- Come on, Kerry.
- I think guacamole's exciting,
69
00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:26,950
- because it's delicious.
- Right.
70
00:03:26,950 --> 00:03:28,330
And-- OK, wait--
71
00:03:28,330 --> 00:03:32,880
And, er, it's got a very narrow
window of good times,
72
00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:35,330
'cause it goes brown, doesn't it?
Literally the next day.
73
00:03:35,330 --> 00:03:38,800
You don't ever eat it alone.
It's a shared dish, it's a party thing.
74
00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:40,260
Oh, you can eat it alone,
can't you, Alex?
75
00:03:40,260 --> 00:03:41,340
I often do.
76
00:03:42,370 --> 00:03:44,775
OK, I see where you're
coming from.
77
00:03:44,775 --> 00:03:46,720
- What?
- That it's shit.
78
00:03:47,930 --> 00:03:48,750
Jess?
79
00:03:48,750 --> 00:03:50,330
Most exciting thing
beginning with G.
80
00:03:50,330 --> 00:03:54,705
Ooh, what? Most exciting
person beginning with G.
81
00:03:54,705 --> 00:03:56,405
Oh, no.
82
00:03:58,310 --> 00:03:59,965
♪ Gre-eg ♪
83
00:04:00,165 --> 00:04:01,615
Here we go.
84
00:04:03,230 --> 00:04:06,660
Signed Greg Davies merch.
85
00:04:06,660 --> 00:04:08,395
So I asked you to sign it
86
00:04:08,395 --> 00:04:10,785
but then you started
asking me questions.
87
00:04:10,785 --> 00:04:12,600
About who it was for.
88
00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:14,295
And you said it was
for your dad.
89
00:04:14,295 --> 00:04:16,080
And that he was a
big fan of mine.
90
00:04:16,080 --> 00:04:18,080
Yes.
91
00:04:18,080 --> 00:04:20,555
And then you said,
"What's your dad's name?"
92
00:04:20,555 --> 00:04:23,020
And then I thought it
had to begin with G,
93
00:04:23,020 --> 00:04:24,130
'cause I got confused.
94
00:04:24,130 --> 00:04:26,220
So I pretended it's Gordon,
95
00:04:26,220 --> 00:04:27,550
but it's still exciting!
96
00:04:27,550 --> 00:04:30,040
So that whole thing the other
night was a total lie?
97
00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:31,680
What's your dad really called?
98
00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:32,765
Peter.
99
00:04:35,695 --> 00:04:39,530
Rhod. It's an exciting thing
beginning with G, please.
100
00:04:39,530 --> 00:04:42,350
I took a little trip down to...
101
00:04:42,350 --> 00:04:43,495
Wem.
102
00:04:43,495 --> 00:04:45,260
That's my home town.
103
00:04:45,260 --> 00:04:48,695
Your mum showed me
around all your...
104
00:04:48,695 --> 00:04:51,230
childhood and teenage toys.
105
00:04:51,230 --> 00:04:52,230
Yeah.
106
00:04:52,230 --> 00:04:54,080
- Let's see the picture.
- There we go.
107
00:04:54,840 --> 00:04:58,280
A confusing Six Million Dollar Man
in his underpants, I have to say.
108
00:05:00,415 --> 00:05:03,500
Hey, when he's been running
really fast, he gets hot.
109
00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:06,060
What's beginning with G?
110
00:05:06,060 --> 00:05:07,970
- It's Greg's toy collection.
- Oh, I see.
111
00:05:07,970 --> 00:05:10,110
You were hoping to humiliate me
with these toys, weren't you?
112
00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:11,820
No, I thought you'd be
excited to see toys
113
00:05:11,820 --> 00:05:13,550
you probably haven't
seen for 40 years.
114
00:05:13,550 --> 00:05:14,620
- I am.
- Yeah!
115
00:05:14,620 --> 00:05:16,460
I'm excited to see the
Six Million Dollar Man.
116
00:05:16,460 --> 00:05:18,750
The glove puppets were
my sister's, so fuck you.
117
00:05:20,750 --> 00:05:23,910
Well, I think that "fuck you" should
be directed at your mother,
118
00:05:23,910 --> 00:05:26,710
because she said you'd say that.
119
00:05:32,310 --> 00:05:33,750
- James.
- Yeah.
120
00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:37,015
So far the worst round in
Taskmaster history.
121
00:05:37,015 --> 00:05:39,075
Can you save it?
122
00:05:39,175 --> 00:05:41,215
Pretty sure I can.
123
00:05:41,415 --> 00:05:43,430
Gandhi's glasses.
124
00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:50,785
Did you just get any
old glasses and...
125
00:05:50,785 --> 00:05:52,860
- say they're his glasses?
- Nope. Did not do that.
126
00:05:52,860 --> 00:05:54,060
Those are Gandhi's glasses.
127
00:05:54,060 --> 00:05:55,330
Mahatma Gandhi's glasses.
128
00:05:55,330 --> 00:05:56,805
They're Mahatma Gandhi's glasses.
129
00:05:56,805 --> 00:05:58,220
He had a vision for the world,
130
00:05:58,220 --> 00:06:00,910
and he was given vision
by those glasses.
131
00:06:00,910 --> 00:06:05,200
It does say on the internet that
Gandhi's glasses sold in 2009
132
00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:07,440
- for 1.8 million.
- Oh, OK.
133
00:06:07,440 --> 00:06:09,700
Over the years, they've
gone down in value.
134
00:06:10,510 --> 00:06:13,600
It seems they're just an
old pair of glasses,
135
00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:15,370
and a lot of bullshit.
136
00:06:15,370 --> 00:06:18,200
OK, for the first time in
Taskmaster history,
137
00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:20,580
no one is getting five
points for this round.
138
00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:23,800
I'm gonna give two
people two points,
139
00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:25,320
and three people one point.
140
00:06:27,280 --> 00:06:29,130
- Two points for Rhod.
- Uh-huh?
141
00:06:29,130 --> 00:06:31,170
And I'm gonna give
two points to James.
142
00:06:31,170 --> 00:06:33,050
- For Gandhi's glasses?
- What?!
143
00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:35,450
These three, absolutely shit.
144
00:06:36,220 --> 00:06:36,970
That's it.
145
00:06:36,970 --> 00:06:39,740
Two points, two points.
You three get one.
146
00:06:41,060 --> 00:06:42,710
Let's have our first
proper task, Alex.
147
00:06:42,710 --> 00:06:45,060
OK, we have a task
that is off the wall
148
00:06:45,060 --> 00:06:46,410
by Michael Jackson. Ready?
149
00:06:59,060 --> 00:07:00,060
Hello.
150
00:07:00,060 --> 00:07:01,120
Hello, Jessica.
151
00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:02,210
Hmm.
152
00:07:05,260 --> 00:07:09,125
"Throw something into the bin on
the other side of this fence."
153
00:07:09,125 --> 00:07:10,570
- This fence?
- Yes.
154
00:07:10,570 --> 00:07:12,330
"You may not use ladders."
155
00:07:12,330 --> 00:07:14,215
"You may not touch the fence...
156
00:07:14,215 --> 00:07:16,965
and you must stay this
side of the fence."
157
00:07:16,965 --> 00:07:19,400
- "You may not use ladders."
- That chair is a ladder.
158
00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:20,636
- That's not a ladder.
- It is a ladder.
159
00:07:20,660 --> 00:07:21,736
- That is not a ladder.
- It is a ladder.
160
00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:22,630
- That is a ladder.
- It's a ladder.
161
00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:23,550
- It's not a ladder.
- It is a ladder.
162
00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:24,430
- That is not a ladder.
- It is a ladder.
163
00:07:24,460 --> 00:07:25,746
- That is not a ladder.
- It looks like a ladder.
164
00:07:25,770 --> 00:07:26,720
- That's not a ladder.
- Ladder.
165
00:07:26,750 --> 00:07:27,670
- That is not a ladder.
- It is a ladder.
166
00:07:27,700 --> 00:07:28,750
- That's not a ladder.
- It is a ladder.
167
00:07:28,750 --> 00:07:30,150
"Fastest wins."
168
00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:31,750
"Your time starts now."
169
00:07:31,750 --> 00:07:33,150
I can't see.
170
00:07:33,150 --> 00:07:34,920
Can I drill a hole?
171
00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:36,180
Er...
172
00:07:37,970 --> 00:07:38,840
Ugh!
173
00:07:38,840 --> 00:07:39,850
Nope.
174
00:07:43,685 --> 00:07:47,040
I keep fighting this instinct
to characterise you
175
00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:50,150
as a sort of Cockney wide boy.
176
00:07:50,150 --> 00:07:51,200
You keep doing things like,
177
00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:53,440
"I'll get a drill. Drill
a hole in it. Bosh."
178
00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:55,400
"That's it sorted!"
179
00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:56,370
I dunno what the problem is.
180
00:07:56,370 --> 00:07:58,105
I dunno, I haven't got
a problem with it.
181
00:07:58,105 --> 00:07:59,700
It delights me.
182
00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:03,200
Watching you argue whether
a ladder's not a ladder
183
00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:05,770
is honestly like every conversation
I've ever had with you.
184
00:08:07,770 --> 00:08:08,775
It's not.
185
00:08:08,975 --> 00:08:10,285
There you go.
186
00:08:11,730 --> 00:08:14,950
Do you wanna start by watching
James Acaster going berserk?
187
00:08:14,950 --> 00:08:16,180
Of course I do.
188
00:08:16,180 --> 00:08:18,900
I mean, we all know what I'm about
to do, and it's gonna be pretty...
189
00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:21,860
Nope!
190
00:08:21,860 --> 00:08:24,180
Why did I do that?
Why did I even try that?
191
00:08:26,570 --> 00:08:27,400
Nope.
192
00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:29,500
- Not in the bin.
- Not in the bin.
193
00:08:30,730 --> 00:08:31,960
Not in the bin.
194
00:08:37,730 --> 00:08:38,830
Not in the bin.
195
00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:44,705
Not in the bin.
196
00:08:44,705 --> 00:08:45,770
Oh!
197
00:08:45,770 --> 00:08:46,860
Sorry, guys.
198
00:08:47,460 --> 00:08:49,140
Not in the bin.
199
00:08:50,750 --> 00:08:52,830
- Not in the bin.
- Nothing in the bin?
200
00:08:55,660 --> 00:08:57,485
Aha! I see it.
201
00:08:57,485 --> 00:08:59,340
This general area.
202
00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:10,300
Not in the bin.
203
00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:14,820
Alex, can you give me a hand?
204
00:09:14,820 --> 00:09:16,500
Put it down there, please.
205
00:09:22,150 --> 00:09:24,460
Not in the bin, James. It does
have to go into the bin.
206
00:09:24,460 --> 00:09:25,000
Yes!
207
00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:26,630
All the fezes at once.
208
00:09:28,020 --> 00:09:29,100
Argh!
209
00:09:34,420 --> 00:09:36,040
- Good shot, James.
- Yep.
210
00:09:39,340 --> 00:09:41,215
So, your initial impulse...
211
00:09:41,215 --> 00:09:42,555
just start throwing stuff.
212
00:09:42,555 --> 00:09:47,775
Yeah. I thought that, maybe,
the first thing I threw would go in,
213
00:09:47,775 --> 00:09:49,640
and then I'll be a hero.
214
00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:51,740
And everyone would go crazy.
215
00:09:51,740 --> 00:09:55,620
And what happened was,
I'm not exaggerating,
216
00:09:55,620 --> 00:09:57,250
a waking nightmare.
217
00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:00,930
I... was...
218
00:10:00,930 --> 00:10:03,325
so stressed out during all of that.
219
00:10:03,325 --> 00:10:05,460
Even more stressed when
I watched it back
220
00:10:05,460 --> 00:10:08,210
and realised that I got the location
of the bin completely wrong.
221
00:10:09,370 --> 00:10:11,640
- Yeah.
- 76 items, he threw.
222
00:10:13,860 --> 00:10:16,400
He took 19 minutes
and 10 seconds.
223
00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:18,730
Incredible. OK, who's next?
224
00:10:18,730 --> 00:10:20,840
We're gonna see two people
whose extended names
225
00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:22,680
are the same as
two digital brands.
226
00:10:22,680 --> 00:10:25,960
It's Philips and Jessops.
Phil and Jess. OK?
227
00:10:27,150 --> 00:10:28,150
Right.
228
00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:34,820
- Oh, God!
- Be very careful.
229
00:10:34,820 --> 00:10:36,360
Oh, God. Don't let go.
230
00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:41,670
I've just remembered that I haven't
got anything to throw.
231
00:10:47,550 --> 00:10:49,480
There's a bin...
232
00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:50,970
and there's a guy playing golf.
233
00:10:50,970 --> 00:10:52,775
It seems like we're very far away.
234
00:10:52,775 --> 00:10:55,685
But I feel like there's
another closer bin.
235
00:10:55,685 --> 00:10:58,050
- What are you throwing?
- My hair band.
236
00:11:04,510 --> 00:11:05,510
No.
237
00:11:10,970 --> 00:11:12,180
Oh, come on.
238
00:11:14,020 --> 00:11:15,360
A-ha!
239
00:11:16,260 --> 00:11:17,410
Overshot.
240
00:11:18,220 --> 00:11:20,120
Uuugh!
241
00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:26,050
Oi oi!
242
00:11:27,730 --> 00:11:30,180
Oi oi!
243
00:11:30,950 --> 00:11:32,160
Heyyy!
244
00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:36,460
Heyyy!
245
00:11:36,460 --> 00:11:39,140
Thank you for the opportunity.
246
00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:50,000
So, the old bin and tyre
technique, eh?
247
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:52,040
The old bin and tyre.
248
00:11:52,040 --> 00:11:53,750
It was very, very quick.
249
00:11:53,750 --> 00:11:55,770
No, it wasn't.
250
00:11:55,770 --> 00:11:57,680
It would've been quick
if you'd done it quicker.
251
00:11:57,680 --> 00:12:01,570
You took seven minutes
and 35 seconds.
252
00:12:01,570 --> 00:12:02,930
That's really fast.
253
00:12:04,530 --> 00:12:06,875
Phil tried to do something
clever, initially, right?
254
00:12:06,875 --> 00:12:10,260
Well, he spotted a bin
way off in the distance.
255
00:12:10,260 --> 00:12:11,200
- Oh.
- Yeah...
256
00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:14,520
which turned out to just
be part of a golf course.
257
00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:17,840
And so I thought,
"There's actually another bin
258
00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:20,770
which is really close.
It's right next to the..."
259
00:12:20,770 --> 00:12:23,850
That's what I thought you'd presumed.
There was a sneaky bin there.
260
00:12:23,850 --> 00:12:25,170
- Yeah.
- There wasn't.
261
00:12:25,170 --> 00:12:27,220
So once I established that
there wasn't anything close,
262
00:12:27,220 --> 00:12:29,150
I jumped on a
drawing table, saw it,
263
00:12:29,150 --> 00:12:31,275
and just wanged that
satsuma into a bin.
264
00:12:31,275 --> 00:12:32,740
An apple, but yes.
265
00:12:35,970 --> 00:12:37,420
Was it a good time? Tell me now.
266
00:12:37,420 --> 00:12:39,220
Well, seven minutes 35 to beat.
267
00:12:39,220 --> 00:12:42,230
Seven minutes... 19.
268
00:12:42,230 --> 00:12:44,780
- Hot damn!
- So fast!
269
00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:48,620
Right, off you go. Have a break.
Make it snappy.
270
00:12:48,620 --> 00:12:50,810
We've got great TV to make here,
for God's sake.
271
00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:03,405
Hello. Welcome back
to Taskmaster.
272
00:13:03,405 --> 00:13:05,160
What's going on, Alex?
273
00:13:06,130 --> 00:13:08,660
We had a little task taking place,
274
00:13:08,660 --> 00:13:10,910
where the contestants had
to get something in a bin
275
00:13:10,910 --> 00:13:12,910
on the other side of
the fence. Tricky.
276
00:13:12,910 --> 00:13:14,770
But not as tricky as
James made it look.
277
00:13:14,770 --> 00:13:18,430
Next up, we've got
Rhod and Kerry.
278
00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:21,430
Let me just see if
I can hear anything.
279
00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:25,000
Well, I don't know where
the bin is, do I?
280
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:26,000
It's not there.
281
00:13:31,570 --> 00:13:32,220
Ow.
282
00:13:32,220 --> 00:13:34,430
- Is there anything in it yet?
- No.
283
00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:37,660
There's nothing there.
284
00:13:37,660 --> 00:13:39,850
Oh, watch the back of my head!
285
00:13:41,970 --> 00:13:43,300
Right, I got you.
286
00:13:50,420 --> 00:13:51,830
Oh, right!
287
00:13:58,660 --> 00:14:01,850
Oh, I don't see how
I'm gonna do this!
288
00:14:03,750 --> 00:14:05,250
Well, that's a stupid idea.
289
00:14:06,750 --> 00:14:08,150
- Are we ready?
- Yep.
290
00:14:08,150 --> 00:14:10,060
- Get a bit closer.
- To what? To you?
291
00:14:10,060 --> 00:14:11,670
- The fence, not to me.
- OK.
292
00:14:13,350 --> 00:14:14,350
Argh!
293
00:14:15,750 --> 00:14:16,750
Yes!
294
00:14:18,110 --> 00:14:19,450
Yes!
295
00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:22,470
Yes! Yes!
296
00:14:23,570 --> 00:14:25,520
Yes! Yes!
297
00:14:28,295 --> 00:14:30,170
- Victory at all costs, is it?
- Yep.
298
00:14:30,170 --> 00:14:31,620
You didn't know if there
was a party of toddlers
299
00:14:31,620 --> 00:14:33,050
behind that fence, did you?
300
00:14:33,050 --> 00:14:35,750
Start shotgunning pebbles over there.
301
00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:37,710
It's scattergun, though,
scattergun.
302
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:39,440
Surely I should get a
point for scattergun.
303
00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:42,480
He's the only one who thought,
"I'm gonna cover a wide area."
304
00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:44,110
- Scattergun.
- Credit where credit's due.
305
00:14:44,110 --> 00:14:46,400
It's almost more sensible
306
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:48,840
to use pebbles to cover a large area
307
00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:51,220
than to just toss a drainpipe over.
308
00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:54,620
Well, you say that, but,
309
00:14:54,620 --> 00:14:56,510
a drainpipe is long, isn't it?
310
00:14:56,510 --> 00:14:58,510
So I thought it would cover
quite a lot of mass.
311
00:14:58,510 --> 00:15:00,820
So I'd go "dunk" and I did glean
312
00:15:00,820 --> 00:15:02,500
that it wasn't where it landed.
313
00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:05,280
There were fast, tell you that.
314
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:06,750
They weren't. One of them was.
315
00:15:06,750 --> 00:15:08,005
Oh!
316
00:15:08,005 --> 00:15:11,295
I think this gravel-voiced
gimp has done it.
317
00:15:11,495 --> 00:15:13,880
The gravel-voiced gimp used gravel
318
00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:16,195
and got it in in three minutes,
17 seconds.
319
00:15:16,195 --> 00:15:18,450
Bloody hell.
320
00:15:19,820 --> 00:15:21,730
I mean, that's sort of
slightly undermined
321
00:15:21,730 --> 00:15:23,660
by "the gravel-voiced
gimp," but I'll take it.
322
00:15:23,660 --> 00:15:26,605
Kerry got two seconds
and 12 minutes.
323
00:15:26,605 --> 00:15:28,910
So James, obviously,
one point for last place,
324
00:15:28,910 --> 00:15:30,710
then Kerry two,
Jess three, Phil four,
325
00:15:30,710 --> 00:15:32,400
but Rhod Gilbert wins the
task and five points!
326
00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:33,400
Shotgun!
327
00:15:35,150 --> 00:15:36,420
Do you wanna know
the current scoreboard?
328
00:15:36,420 --> 00:15:37,330
Yes.
329
00:15:37,330 --> 00:15:39,820
This episode we have two people,
James and Kerry, in joint last.
330
00:15:39,820 --> 00:15:42,460
But in the lead with seven
points, it's Rhod Gilbert!
331
00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:49,310
Right, another lovely task, please.
332
00:15:49,310 --> 00:15:51,900
OK, it's a quick one.
Blink and you'll miss it.
333
00:16:04,820 --> 00:16:05,675
Hello.
334
00:16:05,675 --> 00:16:06,700
Hi, Kerry.
335
00:16:10,660 --> 00:16:11,875
Pulley system.
336
00:16:11,875 --> 00:16:14,195
- Want me to give this a little tug?
- Yes, please.
337
00:16:17,130 --> 00:16:18,185
Oh.
338
00:16:19,950 --> 00:16:22,050
- Too much of a tug?
- Yeah, that was...
339
00:16:22,860 --> 00:16:25,330
"Don't blink." Oops!
340
00:16:26,130 --> 00:16:28,350
"Don't blink. Last to blink wins."
341
00:16:28,350 --> 00:16:30,110
"Last to blink wins."
342
00:16:30,110 --> 00:16:31,940
Right, let me get them out.
343
00:16:31,940 --> 00:16:33,830
How many times do
you blink in a day?
344
00:16:33,830 --> 00:16:36,250
"Your time starts in ten seconds."
345
00:16:36,250 --> 00:16:37,750
1200 times per hour, so...
346
00:16:37,750 --> 00:16:39,930
- 1200 times an hour.
- 28,800 times a day.
347
00:16:39,930 --> 00:16:41,680
28,800 times a day.
348
00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:44,465
So if I blink 28,800 times now...
349
00:16:44,465 --> 00:16:46,450
and then I read the
rest of the card...
350
00:16:47,480 --> 00:16:48,560
I should be in.
351
00:16:55,095 --> 00:16:56,260
What?
352
00:16:56,260 --> 00:16:58,480
I am not 100% convinced
353
00:16:58,480 --> 00:17:01,670
that you don't think that a
human has a blink quota.
354
00:17:03,040 --> 00:17:04,350
Of course I don't. Don't be silly.
355
00:17:04,350 --> 00:17:05,730
But I thought I'd give it a go.
356
00:17:05,730 --> 00:17:08,770
OK, well, here are quite a few
of them giving it a go.
357
00:17:09,730 --> 00:17:10,770
Where do I look?
358
00:17:10,770 --> 00:17:12,310
- Into the camera, please.
- That one?
359
00:17:12,310 --> 00:17:14,880
Yeah, I'll blow the whistle in
seven seconds now.
360
00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:15,904
Good luck.
361
00:17:15,929 --> 00:17:17,375
Three seconds...
362
00:17:17,375 --> 00:17:20,050
Two, one...
363
00:17:29,950 --> 00:17:31,230
Argh!
364
00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:33,870
Oh.
365
00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:45,450
Actually, I'm doing alright here.
366
00:17:54,855 --> 00:17:57,210
This is just how I talk
to people anyway.
367
00:17:58,440 --> 00:17:59,695
You alright?
368
00:17:59,695 --> 00:18:01,150
Yes?
369
00:18:01,150 --> 00:18:02,800
Oh, I think I just blinked.
370
00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:04,210
Oh, there's a blink.
371
00:18:05,130 --> 00:18:06,220
Wow.
372
00:18:06,220 --> 00:18:07,570
That was quite good.
What was that?
373
00:18:07,570 --> 00:18:08,660
How many seconds?
374
00:18:08,660 --> 00:18:11,170
Well, it's... one
minute 17 seconds.
375
00:18:11,170 --> 00:18:13,730
That's quite a lot...
for a human.
376
00:18:20,430 --> 00:18:22,540
Oh, God, what?
377
00:18:22,540 --> 00:18:25,150
I just thought, what do you
mean, "Quite a lot for a human"?
378
00:18:25,150 --> 00:18:27,040
Some animals don't blink
at all, do they?
379
00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:28,550
- She's got a point.
- Is that true?
380
00:18:28,550 --> 00:18:30,530
Hamsters only wink.
Genuinely true.
381
00:18:30,530 --> 00:18:31,750
Fish and snakes don't--
382
00:18:31,750 --> 00:18:33,020
What do you mean,
hamsters only wink?
383
00:18:33,020 --> 00:18:34,350
They can only do
one eye at a time.
384
00:18:34,350 --> 00:18:35,775
Saucy little devils.
385
00:18:37,130 --> 00:18:38,265
James...
386
00:18:38,265 --> 00:18:40,100
Just weird, mate.
387
00:18:40,910 --> 00:18:43,130
That is how I imagine you sleep.
388
00:18:45,025 --> 00:18:47,770
It was exactly the opposite
technique to Phil.
389
00:18:47,770 --> 00:18:50,620
Before the task, he shut his
eyes for a full five seconds.
390
00:18:50,620 --> 00:18:53,415
If you'd then kept them shut,
there would've been no blink.
391
00:18:55,840 --> 00:18:57,660
So obvious now!
392
00:18:57,660 --> 00:18:59,880
My seven-year-old came up
with that, genuinely.
393
00:19:01,550 --> 00:19:03,370
We haven't mentioned
Kerry's attempt.
394
00:19:03,370 --> 00:19:05,750
She came last. She only didn't
blink for 11 seconds.
395
00:19:05,750 --> 00:19:09,000
Then Phil with 12 seconds,
James with 12.4 seconds.
396
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:11,550
But so far, Jess in the lead
with 77 seconds.
397
00:19:15,030 --> 00:19:18,700
When we separate one,
it's for one of two reasons.
398
00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:21,420
It's gone very well,
399
00:19:21,420 --> 00:19:23,330
or it's gone very, very badly.
400
00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:25,510
I would say this one is
genuinely a bit of both.
401
00:19:25,510 --> 00:19:27,405
A bit of both!
402
00:19:27,405 --> 00:19:28,970
Here is the other one.
403
00:19:28,970 --> 00:19:30,350
Are you gonna tell me
when I start?
404
00:19:30,350 --> 00:19:31,910
Yep, I'll count you down.
405
00:19:31,910 --> 00:19:36,670
Five, four, three, two, one.
406
00:19:46,060 --> 00:19:47,875
I mean, this is fucking agony.
407
00:19:53,350 --> 00:19:55,550
Have you got anything like, um...
408
00:19:55,550 --> 00:20:00,660
super glue... or a staple gun
or something like that.
409
00:20:00,660 --> 00:20:02,685
Gaffer tape might do it, actually.
410
00:20:02,685 --> 00:20:03,730
Yeah.
411
00:20:03,730 --> 00:20:06,450
God, please, get the gaffer tape
on there. It's killing me.
412
00:20:06,450 --> 00:20:07,970
- Like this?
- Yeah.
413
00:20:07,970 --> 00:20:10,210
I've got my eyes firmly open,
don't you worry about that.
414
00:20:12,750 --> 00:20:15,515
I've not sure that's gaffer-
taped them at all.
415
00:20:15,515 --> 00:20:17,620
You've just given me a bandana.
416
00:20:17,620 --> 00:20:19,300
You want something worth doing...
417
00:20:20,620 --> 00:20:24,070
Hang on a minute. I'm just gonna
have to tip the tears out.
418
00:20:26,860 --> 00:20:28,380
That's a bit better.
419
00:20:30,460 --> 00:20:33,265
Oh, that was good-- Argh! Oh!
420
00:20:33,265 --> 00:20:35,070
Your right eye is
the worry, I think.
421
00:20:35,070 --> 00:20:36,105
Yeah.
422
00:20:36,305 --> 00:20:38,270
That's where most
of the pain is.
423
00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:40,970
Oh, I think I blinked then.
424
00:20:40,970 --> 00:20:42,730
Did I blink then? Did I?
425
00:20:42,730 --> 00:20:44,060
I think that-- Is that a blink?
426
00:20:44,060 --> 00:20:46,800
I think it is. I think I don't even know
what I'm doing any more.
427
00:20:48,550 --> 00:20:49,700
Ohh.
428
00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:55,080
Genuinely horrifying to
watch, I thought.
429
00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:58,040
- It's like a scene from A Clockwork Orange.
- It's like A Clockwork Orange, it's awful.
430
00:20:58,040 --> 00:21:00,140
I mean, honestly, hand on heart,
15 years of friendship,
431
00:21:00,140 --> 00:21:02,180
that's the most impressed
I've ever been with you.
432
00:21:04,460 --> 00:21:06,080
I mean, he smashed this, surely.
433
00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:09,080
He did. I would say that you do get
genuine staring competitions.
434
00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:10,620
In Australia, they film it.
435
00:21:10,620 --> 00:21:12,280
The Australian Broadcasting
Corporation said,
436
00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:15,220
"At around 17 minutes, the
crowd became agitated."
437
00:21:15,220 --> 00:21:17,940
"At 30 minutes, the contestants
confessed to boredom."
438
00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:23,350
"And then at 35, the winner felt like he
was getting a tattoo on his eyeball."
439
00:21:23,350 --> 00:21:25,750
It is painful, 'cause your
corneas dry up.
440
00:21:25,750 --> 00:21:26,970
It is terrible, yeah.
441
00:21:26,970 --> 00:21:29,770
You lasted seven minutes
and ten seconds.
442
00:21:29,770 --> 00:21:30,930
Jesus!
443
00:21:30,930 --> 00:21:32,930
Oh my God!
444
00:21:32,930 --> 00:21:34,695
Rhod!
445
00:21:34,695 --> 00:21:36,950
Don't try that at home.
446
00:21:36,950 --> 00:21:38,330
Which means that Kerry
gets one point,
447
00:21:38,330 --> 00:21:40,460
two points to Phil, three points
to James, four to Jess.
448
00:21:40,460 --> 00:21:42,530
Obviously Rhod Gilbert
gets all five points.
449
00:21:44,910 --> 00:21:47,440
OK, everyone, I'd just like to
take the chance to thank you
450
00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:49,150
for watching the first two
parts of the show.
451
00:21:49,150 --> 00:21:51,200
You've done a great job.
I'm so proud of you.
452
00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:02,640
Hello! Welcome back to Taskmaster.
453
00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:06,220
There's some prize-worthy guacamole
seriously on the turn up there,
454
00:22:06,220 --> 00:22:08,440
so they need to crack right
on with the new task.
455
00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:10,340
And this one is a team one.
456
00:22:10,340 --> 00:22:11,980
Wooo.
457
00:22:23,060 --> 00:22:23,975
Hello.
458
00:22:23,975 --> 00:22:26,980
Wow... OK.
459
00:22:27,750 --> 00:22:31,960
Hi, Phil. Hello, Rhod.
Hello, James.
460
00:22:35,550 --> 00:22:39,295
"Make the best extension to
the Taskmaster house."
461
00:22:39,295 --> 00:22:42,660
"You have 30 minutes.
Your time starts now."
462
00:22:42,660 --> 00:22:44,860
- Right. Build an extension.
- Come on.
463
00:22:44,860 --> 00:22:46,310
Well, we need a foreman.
464
00:22:46,310 --> 00:22:48,165
Phil, you're dressed
like a foreman.
465
00:22:52,915 --> 00:22:55,350
A nice extension for
my little house.
466
00:22:55,350 --> 00:22:56,800
Somewhere I can relax.
467
00:22:56,800 --> 00:22:59,200
Let's start with the
former soap stars
468
00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:01,080
turned home improvement
presenters.
469
00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:02,650
It's Donna and Donna.
470
00:23:03,950 --> 00:23:06,000
We're gonna do this in
under 30 minutes, if anything.
471
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:07,110
Easy.
472
00:23:07,110 --> 00:23:08,685
Do we need guttering?
473
00:23:08,685 --> 00:23:10,510
Because if it rains...
474
00:23:10,510 --> 00:23:14,180
I'm gonna say that we can probably
go easy on the guttering.
475
00:23:17,820 --> 00:23:20,040
Oh my God, the garage is open.
476
00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:22,950
OK, look. These are
sturdier bits of pole.
477
00:23:22,950 --> 00:23:25,530
Look at these massive spoons!
478
00:23:30,020 --> 00:23:33,320
Oh, mate, that's...
That's not gonna work.
479
00:23:34,110 --> 00:23:37,360
One bit of bad weather and
that's not gonna hold.
480
00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:40,600
You've got eight minutes.
481
00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:42,280
Just gonna put a
throw cushion in there.
482
00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:44,570
- Yes. Cat flap?
- Yeah.
483
00:23:44,570 --> 00:23:46,230
Cat for the cat flap.
484
00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:49,240
What more can we do?
485
00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:51,100
I am actually happy with that.
486
00:23:51,100 --> 00:23:52,630
Let's have a cup of tea in it.
487
00:23:52,930 --> 00:23:56,120
Oh, no. There's no cups!
Let's have a banana, then.
488
00:23:56,120 --> 00:23:58,640
- A celebratory banana?
- Banana.
489
00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:01,820
- Honey, I'm home!
- Yoo-hoo!
490
00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:09,350
I mean, classic Godliman
quotes there.
491
00:24:09,350 --> 00:24:13,740
"Nah, nah. One bit of bad weather,
that's not gonna hold."
492
00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:17,895
Sensible, it was sensible.
I approached it sensibly.
493
00:24:17,895 --> 00:24:20,150
No, no, you went the
other side of that with,
494
00:24:20,150 --> 00:24:21,660
"Look at these massive spoons."
495
00:24:23,220 --> 00:24:25,040
Can we have a look at
the end product?
496
00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:27,620
Yeah. It's worth admiring the
ambitious brickwork,
497
00:24:27,620 --> 00:24:29,240
which is the other way
round to normal...
498
00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:33,400
The only thing that's
missing from that house
499
00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:35,670
is two litres of white cider.
500
00:24:39,710 --> 00:24:41,620
- Can I ask a question?
- Yes, James.
501
00:24:41,620 --> 00:24:43,870
Was the garage open for us as well?
502
00:24:43,870 --> 00:24:45,950
You will see. I mean,
it absolutely was, but--
503
00:24:45,950 --> 00:24:47,280
We could've gone in the garage.
504
00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:48,280
Yeah.
505
00:24:50,530 --> 00:24:52,920
I... Oh, my God.
506
00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:57,110
Well, we've seen Phil's
extension before, so...
507
00:24:59,530 --> 00:25:02,560
High hopes for him and his team.
Here is how they got on.
508
00:25:02,560 --> 00:25:04,260
Can't we move the shed?
509
00:25:04,260 --> 00:25:06,665
We take all the stuff out,
we knock the back out.
510
00:25:06,665 --> 00:25:09,150
Then we lift it up and we put
it round the front door.
511
00:25:09,150 --> 00:25:11,950
You've said "lift it up" like that's
gonna be a very easy thing to do.
512
00:25:13,620 --> 00:25:15,630
Don't even wanna know
what he's thinking about.
513
00:25:15,630 --> 00:25:17,230
That's gonna be a help.
514
00:25:18,020 --> 00:25:20,250
Rhod? Maybe gimme a hand?
515
00:25:20,250 --> 00:25:22,610
30 minutes, Rhod, 30 minutes.
516
00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:25,250
I've got an idea.
517
00:25:26,060 --> 00:25:27,870
And we're gonna need a lorry.
518
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:30,470
But...
519
00:25:34,420 --> 00:25:36,350
Where's he going to get a lorry?
520
00:25:36,350 --> 00:25:38,660
Reverse the lorry onto
the front of the house...
521
00:25:38,660 --> 00:25:40,770
and that is a better
extension than this.
522
00:25:40,770 --> 00:25:42,510
Well, find a lorry then!
523
00:25:42,510 --> 00:25:44,310
And we'll do this while
you're finding a lorry.
524
00:25:44,310 --> 00:25:45,440
You do that. Right.
525
00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:47,150
Nearly-- He's nearly 50.
526
00:25:59,350 --> 00:26:01,760
Guess that was
always gonna happen.
527
00:26:04,150 --> 00:26:06,440
Get some furniture from
inside the house.
528
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:07,965
Where's the lorry?
529
00:26:07,965 --> 00:26:09,660
Couldn't get a lorry.
530
00:26:09,660 --> 00:26:11,420
I'm making an extension here.
531
00:26:11,420 --> 00:26:13,810
Well, why aren't you doing it
with us down there?
532
00:26:13,810 --> 00:26:15,950
If we do two, we'll have
a better shot at it.
533
00:26:15,950 --> 00:26:17,715
Absolutely ridiculous.
534
00:26:17,715 --> 00:26:19,420
Rhod, what is that?
535
00:26:19,420 --> 00:26:21,630
Don't try and reason
with him, Phil.
536
00:26:21,630 --> 00:26:23,875
Pass me that tape, Phil?
537
00:26:23,875 --> 00:26:25,110
The one here?
538
00:26:25,110 --> 00:26:26,160
What?!
539
00:26:27,260 --> 00:26:29,850
They're very charming, the Irish.
540
00:26:31,150 --> 00:26:32,440
Well, how's yours going?
541
00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:34,630
It was going alright when
Phil was helping me!
542
00:26:35,420 --> 00:26:37,400
So you've done two
extensions, have you?
543
00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:38,680
That's not an extension.
544
00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:40,100
That's a poster.
545
00:26:42,970 --> 00:26:44,150
What do you think?
546
00:26:44,150 --> 00:26:46,900
You've written "extension"
on the garage.
547
00:26:48,170 --> 00:26:50,380
- Done.
- Well, thank you.
548
00:26:51,150 --> 00:26:54,040
I wanted to be on the girls'
team really badly.
549
00:26:58,405 --> 00:27:01,260
In seven series,
we have never had
550
00:27:01,260 --> 00:27:04,130
a group break up
during a team task.
551
00:27:04,130 --> 00:27:05,985
He didn't wanna join us!
552
00:27:05,985 --> 00:27:08,820
He named me foreman
and then fucked off.
553
00:27:10,510 --> 00:27:12,840
We'd done tasks all day
together by that point.
554
00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:14,720
- That was our final one...
- Yep.
555
00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:17,325
and I don't know how you've
been friends with him for so long.
556
00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:23,550
I didn't know,
until we watched that,
557
00:27:23,550 --> 00:27:25,310
that at one point,
he opened the garage,
558
00:27:25,310 --> 00:27:26,980
saw it and then did that.
559
00:27:28,530 --> 00:27:32,230
Like, that blows my mind
more than anything else.
560
00:27:32,230 --> 00:27:35,510
I thought on the day, "Oh, it's
bad enough that he's done that."
561
00:27:35,510 --> 00:27:37,620
And put the cardboard on and gone,
"This is an extension."
562
00:27:37,620 --> 00:27:38,880
And then just kind of looked at us,
563
00:27:38,880 --> 00:27:40,400
like, "What the fuck you
gonna do about that?"
564
00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:41,770
and then gone back in the house.
565
00:27:41,770 --> 00:27:44,620
I didn't know he'd also gone,
"Oh, the perfect stuff!"
566
00:27:44,620 --> 00:27:46,675
And then done that shit!
567
00:27:51,505 --> 00:27:54,220
This is what Rhod did.
There we go.
568
00:27:54,220 --> 00:27:56,440
I've appropriated an
existing structure.
569
00:27:56,440 --> 00:27:57,650
You quite like it, I can see.
570
00:27:57,650 --> 00:27:59,020
No, no, I don't like it.
571
00:27:59,020 --> 00:28:00,800
The fact that it's an
existing structure
572
00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:02,875
means that it's not an
extension to my house.
573
00:28:02,875 --> 00:28:04,710
I want to set fire to it.
574
00:28:06,460 --> 00:28:08,055
This is what the little boys did.
575
00:28:08,055 --> 00:28:10,750
Wow, and now I don't
know who to hate.
576
00:28:12,280 --> 00:28:14,330
OK, this is what I'm gonna do.
577
00:28:14,330 --> 00:28:17,460
- Kerry and Jess, great cooperation.
- Oh, lovely.
578
00:28:17,460 --> 00:28:18,950
A wonderful final product
579
00:28:18,950 --> 00:28:22,365
and a lovely home life they've
created for themselves.
580
00:28:22,365 --> 00:28:24,460
I'm gonna give them
four points each.
581
00:28:24,460 --> 00:28:26,260
Four points each.
Congratulations, the ladies.
582
00:28:29,030 --> 00:28:32,240
And just because I can't
bear to give no points out,
583
00:28:32,240 --> 00:28:33,875
I'm gonna give Rhod...
584
00:28:33,875 --> 00:28:36,895
and the spineless Phil...
585
00:28:36,895 --> 00:28:38,510
- I was being kind!
- one point each.
586
00:28:38,510 --> 00:28:40,510
- I was being kind to the elderly.
- OK, one point.
587
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:43,220
You've got to learn.
588
00:28:43,220 --> 00:28:45,420
Listen, you've got to learn.
It's too late for him.
589
00:28:45,420 --> 00:28:48,440
He'll be in a home - five, six
years? He'll be in a home.
590
00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:51,170
Oh, and I'm gonna build an
extension on that home.
591
00:28:56,840 --> 00:28:58,765
James, I felt his pain.
592
00:28:58,765 --> 00:29:00,910
I... loved it.
593
00:29:00,910 --> 00:29:03,020
So I'm gonna give James
two points.
594
00:29:03,020 --> 00:29:04,680
One point each of these,
four points to these,
595
00:29:04,680 --> 00:29:05,960
and two points to James Acaster!
596
00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:09,330
What's the next task?
597
00:29:09,330 --> 00:29:12,070
It's a seasonal task.
598
00:29:24,660 --> 00:29:26,150
Oh, hi!
599
00:29:26,150 --> 00:29:27,550
Hello, Jess.
600
00:29:27,550 --> 00:29:29,495
It's a party... hat.
601
00:29:29,495 --> 00:29:32,660
Do I put that on...
before I read the task?
602
00:29:32,660 --> 00:29:34,540
- Shall I?
- I don't know yet.
603
00:29:34,540 --> 00:29:36,000
Hmm.
604
00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:38,175
"Make the best Christmas cracker."
605
00:29:38,175 --> 00:29:40,240
"You have ten minutes to
order your materials,
606
00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:42,450
and 20 minutes to make
your Christmas cracker."
607
00:29:42,450 --> 00:29:43,870
Hoo hoo hoo!
608
00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:46,060
"Your time starts now."
609
00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:49,620
OK.
610
00:29:49,620 --> 00:29:51,710
These are the bits of crap
that I've received
611
00:29:51,710 --> 00:29:52,880
over the years in a cracker.
612
00:29:52,880 --> 00:29:55,420
- Tiny, tiny screwdrivers.
- Mm-hm?
613
00:29:55,420 --> 00:29:56,730
Tiny tape measures.
614
00:29:56,730 --> 00:29:58,330
- Little torch.
- Mm-hm.
615
00:29:58,330 --> 00:30:00,250
Just gonna shut out the voices.
616
00:30:08,205 --> 00:30:10,470
You went into a trance?
617
00:30:11,480 --> 00:30:14,725
Well, I found a technique
was to just try and lock out
618
00:30:14,725 --> 00:30:16,895
some of the worst madness.
619
00:30:16,895 --> 00:30:19,480
Well, I should say, Rhod had
his eyes shut for nine minutes.
620
00:30:19,480 --> 00:30:23,150
So would've... would've won
the blinking task with that.
621
00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:29,550
OK, well, shall we start with Rhod
and Jess's crackers together?
622
00:30:29,550 --> 00:30:30,370
Oh, no.
623
00:30:30,370 --> 00:30:31,540
- Yes.
- Yes?
624
00:30:38,940 --> 00:30:41,050
It's amazing because when
you see it in Greg's hand,
625
00:30:41,050 --> 00:30:42,840
it's a totally normal-sized cracker.
626
00:30:44,400 --> 00:30:45,620
Amazing.
627
00:30:45,620 --> 00:30:47,150
- OK, ready?
- Yes.
628
00:30:47,150 --> 00:30:49,820
Pull the cracker.
One, two three!
629
00:30:52,820 --> 00:30:54,905
Merry Christmas, Taskmaster!
630
00:30:56,315 --> 00:30:59,085
Oh, hang on a second. Bang!
631
00:30:59,085 --> 00:31:01,240
Get the presents out.
632
00:31:01,240 --> 00:31:03,070
Oh, look at that.
633
00:31:03,820 --> 00:31:05,820
Oh, wow, magical!
634
00:31:05,820 --> 00:31:07,100
There's your hat.
635
00:31:08,570 --> 00:31:12,950
Inside is a lovely vanity kit
for the Taskmaster,
636
00:31:12,950 --> 00:31:16,010
including nail file, cotton buds...
637
00:31:17,950 --> 00:31:19,070
and, uh...
638
00:31:19,930 --> 00:31:21,330
little tweezers.
639
00:31:21,330 --> 00:31:23,280
There's your Christmas joke.
640
00:31:23,280 --> 00:31:25,170
You can read that.
We can have a laugh.
641
00:31:25,170 --> 00:31:27,005
"What do penguins eat for
Christmas dinner?"
642
00:31:27,005 --> 00:31:28,685
"Iceberg lettuce."
643
00:31:28,685 --> 00:31:32,060
"Ha ha ha! Oh, that's terrible!"
644
00:31:32,060 --> 00:31:34,120
That's what everyone does
'cause it's Christmas.
645
00:31:35,770 --> 00:31:36,750
What's that?
646
00:31:36,750 --> 00:31:41,030
Lovely made-to-measure Christmas
hat for the Taskmaster.
647
00:31:42,080 --> 00:31:43,985
His head is essentially...
648
00:31:43,985 --> 00:31:47,480
the same size as one human head,
plus a horse's head.
649
00:31:47,480 --> 00:31:49,210
- Yeah.
- Immediately next to it.
650
00:31:50,310 --> 00:31:51,320
What's that?
651
00:31:52,770 --> 00:31:53,880
It's a credit card.
652
00:31:54,080 --> 00:31:55,260
It's my credit card.
653
00:31:55,260 --> 00:31:57,730
Oh-ho hoo hoo!
654
00:31:57,730 --> 00:31:59,380
Merry Christmas.
655
00:32:00,170 --> 00:32:02,160
Merry Christmas, Taskmaster.
656
00:32:06,570 --> 00:32:08,370
There was a sense of
Christmas wonder
657
00:32:08,370 --> 00:32:10,370
on your face throughout,
that I enjoyed.
658
00:32:10,370 --> 00:32:11,370
Oh, good.
659
00:32:11,370 --> 00:32:13,350
What was the credit
card all about?
660
00:32:13,350 --> 00:32:15,485
I actually asked for an iPad.
661
00:32:15,485 --> 00:32:16,975
- But then...
- Oh, and a puppy.
662
00:32:16,975 --> 00:32:18,860
And a puppy, um...
663
00:32:18,860 --> 00:32:20,885
You were gonna put
a live puppy in it?
664
00:32:21,185 --> 00:32:23,005
Obviously live.
665
00:32:25,295 --> 00:32:26,900
Happy Christmas!
666
00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:34,640
I realised that I couldn't
fit it into the tube,
667
00:32:34,640 --> 00:32:37,970
- so I stole Alex's credit card.
- Right.
668
00:32:37,970 --> 00:32:40,640
Um, I think that's the nicest
you've ever been to me.
669
00:32:40,640 --> 00:32:42,800
There were some genuinely
nice touches in there.
670
00:32:42,800 --> 00:32:43,930
And thoughtful.
671
00:32:43,930 --> 00:32:46,100
- I loved your personal vanity kit.
- Thank you.
672
00:32:46,100 --> 00:32:47,560
Then you went and ruined it.
673
00:32:47,560 --> 00:32:48,420
What?
674
00:32:48,420 --> 00:32:49,930
By suggesting that my
head is the size
675
00:32:49,930 --> 00:32:52,240
of one person's normal head,
plus a horse's head.
676
00:32:53,930 --> 00:32:55,920
Fine. And this,
ladies and gentlemen,
677
00:32:55,920 --> 00:32:58,030
is how part three ends.
678
00:33:07,680 --> 00:33:09,095
Hello!
679
00:33:09,095 --> 00:33:11,330
It's part four, it's Taskmaster,
680
00:33:11,330 --> 00:33:13,460
and we are in the
middle of a festive task.
681
00:33:13,460 --> 00:33:15,910
Yes, the best Christmas cracker,
that's all they've got to make.
682
00:33:15,910 --> 00:33:17,540
Next up is Kerry.
683
00:33:17,540 --> 00:33:19,550
Yes. Yes!
684
00:33:19,550 --> 00:33:20,550
Oh.
685
00:33:22,260 --> 00:33:23,260
Right.
686
00:33:25,710 --> 00:33:27,550
- When we pull it...
- Mm-hm?
687
00:33:27,550 --> 00:33:29,770
you have to let your
bangers off at the same time.
688
00:33:29,770 --> 00:33:33,030
One, two, three, go!
689
00:33:42,330 --> 00:33:43,850
I'm trying to get the...
690
00:33:44,640 --> 00:33:46,150
You've gotta want it,
haven't you?
691
00:33:46,150 --> 00:33:47,465
You've gotta want it.
692
00:33:47,465 --> 00:33:49,315
Eeeeee...
693
00:33:54,080 --> 00:33:56,410
Ooh... Oh!
694
00:33:57,170 --> 00:34:00,430
Yaaay! I won!
695
00:34:00,430 --> 00:34:02,165
Oooh.
696
00:34:02,165 --> 00:34:03,640
Toolbox.
697
00:34:03,640 --> 00:34:05,530
Ah, look!
698
00:34:05,530 --> 00:34:06,860
- Hat.
- Yeah.
699
00:34:06,860 --> 00:34:08,330
All the prizes.
700
00:34:08,330 --> 00:34:11,510
We've got a torch,
cards, keyring.
701
00:34:11,510 --> 00:34:15,030
All the crap, but not
in a useless size.
702
00:34:16,620 --> 00:34:18,210
- Well done, Kerry.
- Thanks.
703
00:34:20,640 --> 00:34:24,160
Er, maybe a little difficult to pull
that particular cracker?
704
00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:26,950
I thought you just hadn't quite
mastered the system
705
00:34:26,950 --> 00:34:28,840
to get the cracker to break.
706
00:34:28,840 --> 00:34:30,470
And then Alex leant over
to me and went,
707
00:34:30,470 --> 00:34:33,080
"Just so you know,
that's just a drainpipe."
708
00:34:37,550 --> 00:34:40,500
You knew it was just a drainpipe,
and you still committed...
709
00:34:40,500 --> 00:34:42,310
We both thought one
of us might win.
710
00:34:43,600 --> 00:34:46,220
I like the idea of upscaling
the rubbish gifts
711
00:34:46,220 --> 00:34:48,170
- to full size gifts.
- To normal, useful size.
712
00:34:48,170 --> 00:34:49,295
Was there a joke in there?
713
00:34:49,295 --> 00:34:51,080
- Yes, well, no.
- Yes.
714
00:34:51,080 --> 00:34:53,150
We couldn't show it, 'cause
she put in two pages of A4,
715
00:34:53,150 --> 00:34:54,620
which was her whole
Edinburgh show.
716
00:34:56,940 --> 00:34:58,080
Who's next?
717
00:34:58,080 --> 00:35:01,810
Two former friends,
Phil and James.
718
00:35:04,130 --> 00:35:05,095
Argh.
719
00:35:05,095 --> 00:35:06,095
Mmmf.
720
00:35:10,220 --> 00:35:11,795
Merry Christmas.
721
00:35:11,795 --> 00:35:13,320
And Happy New Year.
722
00:35:14,510 --> 00:35:15,660
Merry Christmas, Alex.
723
00:35:15,660 --> 00:35:17,660
Whoever wins the cracker
will get this crown,
724
00:35:17,660 --> 00:35:19,750
which I think you'll find is a
much higher-quality crown
725
00:35:19,750 --> 00:35:21,000
than you usually get
in a cracker.
726
00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:22,295
It's not in the cracker.
727
00:35:22,295 --> 00:35:24,485
Well, it's part of the cracker set.
728
00:35:24,485 --> 00:35:26,150
- You ready?
- Yes.
729
00:35:26,150 --> 00:35:27,230
Merry Christmas!
730
00:35:35,860 --> 00:35:37,485
I think I won.
731
00:35:37,485 --> 00:35:39,960
Merry Christmas!
732
00:35:44,660 --> 00:35:46,120
Can I put the crown on?
733
00:35:46,120 --> 00:35:47,775
Yeah, yeah, sorry.
734
00:35:47,775 --> 00:35:49,330
Well done.
735
00:35:49,330 --> 00:35:52,330
There's Bisto, but you
just add water to that,
736
00:35:52,330 --> 00:35:54,430
and then you've got gravy as well.
737
00:35:56,060 --> 00:35:57,140
Read it.
738
00:36:01,805 --> 00:36:03,950
"Why does Santa have three gardens?"
739
00:36:03,950 --> 00:36:06,450
I don't know. Why does Santa
have three gardens?
740
00:36:06,450 --> 00:36:08,000
"None of your business."
741
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:09,585
And you wear it as a hat.
742
00:36:09,585 --> 00:36:10,550
Pardon?
743
00:36:10,550 --> 00:36:12,285
You wear this as a hat as well.
744
00:36:12,285 --> 00:36:14,405
"What is Santa's favourite number?"
745
00:36:14,405 --> 00:36:16,815
I don't know. What is Santa's
favourite number?
746
00:36:16,815 --> 00:36:17,820
"Twelves."
747
00:36:17,820 --> 00:36:19,130
- Twelves.
- "Twelves"?
748
00:36:19,130 --> 00:36:21,080
- Twelves, 'cause it's elves in it.
- Yeah.
749
00:36:21,080 --> 00:36:22,820
So when people say,
"What's your favourite number?"
750
00:36:22,820 --> 00:36:24,380
Santa, he says, "Twelves."
751
00:36:25,820 --> 00:36:27,480
Yeah. Just put it on your head.
752
00:36:27,480 --> 00:36:29,480
There you go.
753
00:36:29,480 --> 00:36:31,415
- Yeah.
- The gravy makes it stick.
754
00:36:38,110 --> 00:36:40,040
They both went down a
very similar route here.
755
00:36:40,040 --> 00:36:41,110
A full Christmas.
756
00:36:41,110 --> 00:36:42,680
A just-add-water
Christmas dinner.
757
00:36:42,680 --> 00:36:44,610
- Yeah.
- No water needed for mine.
758
00:36:45,330 --> 00:36:47,400
No, and a full bottle of wine,
759
00:36:47,400 --> 00:36:49,750
which is... incredible.
760
00:36:49,750 --> 00:36:51,310
My one came with
a fork and knife,
761
00:36:51,310 --> 00:36:53,850
so mine you could take
outside into the woods.
762
00:36:54,840 --> 00:36:57,670
- If you wanted to.
- Where we all love to spend Christmas.
763
00:36:58,400 --> 00:37:00,080
- Out in the woods.
- In the woods.
764
00:37:00,080 --> 00:37:02,100
It's one of Santa's gardens.
765
00:37:03,280 --> 00:37:04,720
So, I'm gonna tell you this.
766
00:37:04,720 --> 00:37:06,820
I like providing a whole Christmas,
767
00:37:06,820 --> 00:37:10,075
but I don't like it thrown
all over the floor.
768
00:37:10,075 --> 00:37:12,820
So I'm gonna give
Phil Wang five points.
769
00:37:12,820 --> 00:37:14,310
Holy shit!
770
00:37:19,515 --> 00:37:21,620
Everyone else's, very festive.
771
00:37:21,620 --> 00:37:22,970
Lots to commend all of them.
772
00:37:22,970 --> 00:37:24,750
I'm gonna give them
all three points.
773
00:37:24,750 --> 00:37:26,260
OK. Three, three, three,
five, three.
774
00:37:26,260 --> 00:37:28,220
There we go. Phil Wang
wins the task.
775
00:37:28,220 --> 00:37:29,840
OK.
776
00:37:29,840 --> 00:37:31,970
Right. Everyone on that
side of the room,
777
00:37:31,970 --> 00:37:33,710
please stand up and move
yourselves to the stage
778
00:37:33,710 --> 00:37:35,810
for the final task of the show!
779
00:37:44,400 --> 00:37:45,880
Who's going to read
the task out?
780
00:37:45,880 --> 00:37:48,160
Kerry Godliman is gonna
read the task out.
781
00:37:49,480 --> 00:37:55,470
"Walk over and hit that drum
in exactly 9.58 seconds."
782
00:37:56,880 --> 00:37:59,530
"Also, there are two bonus
points for the person with
783
00:37:59,530 --> 00:38:03,100
the most magnificent walk."
784
00:38:04,800 --> 00:38:07,860
The four who are not walking
are gonna be blindfolded,
785
00:38:07,860 --> 00:38:10,660
in case they get hints on
what is most magnificent.
786
00:38:10,660 --> 00:38:12,620
James, you're first.
We're going left to right.
787
00:38:12,620 --> 00:38:14,310
- Not me first.
- Come on, James.
788
00:38:14,310 --> 00:38:15,800
Does anyone have any questions?
789
00:38:15,800 --> 00:38:18,620
Um, what happens if we
fall off the stage?
790
00:38:18,620 --> 00:38:19,820
Oh, you don't need to
walk blindfolded.
791
00:38:19,820 --> 00:38:21,150
You should be alright.
792
00:38:24,930 --> 00:38:26,655
That's what I thought!
793
00:38:26,655 --> 00:38:28,400
OK, Greg, are you ready
for the first walk?
794
00:38:28,400 --> 00:38:31,080
I'm ready for the first
walk in 9.58 seconds.
795
00:38:31,080 --> 00:38:32,085
On my whistle.
796
00:38:32,085 --> 00:38:33,500
Here we go.
797
00:38:48,720 --> 00:38:49,930
I mean, hand on heart,
798
00:38:49,930 --> 00:38:52,030
that is not far away
from your normal walk.
799
00:38:54,295 --> 00:38:57,685
Next to walk is Jessica
Knappett. Good luck, Jess.
800
00:39:06,310 --> 00:39:08,230
Whoa.
801
00:39:12,350 --> 00:39:13,550
Shit.
802
00:39:14,280 --> 00:39:15,940
- Are you alright?
- I am fine!
803
00:39:18,240 --> 00:39:19,220
Are you alright?
804
00:39:19,220 --> 00:39:20,450
What's happened?
805
00:39:25,540 --> 00:39:27,075
Are you alright?
806
00:39:27,075 --> 00:39:29,495
I feel fine and I think
it was worth it.
807
00:39:34,440 --> 00:39:36,180
Please tell me you fell off.
808
00:39:37,440 --> 00:39:39,805
She has set the bar pretty high.
809
00:39:41,840 --> 00:39:43,440
Kerry Godliman, please
remove your blindfold.
810
00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:45,240
Unless you're gonna
set yourself on fire,
811
00:39:45,240 --> 00:39:47,060
you're not gonna win,
I'll tell you that much.
812
00:39:47,060 --> 00:39:49,025
Please walk on the whistle.
813
00:39:49,930 --> 00:39:53,040
One! Two! Three! Four! Five!
814
00:39:53,040 --> 00:39:56,080
Six! Seven! Eight! Niii--
815
00:39:56,080 --> 00:39:57,260
Nine!
816
00:40:02,030 --> 00:40:03,550
Wow.
817
00:40:03,550 --> 00:40:06,110
What a horrible character.
818
00:40:07,855 --> 00:40:10,420
Phil Wang. Please walk
on the whistle.
819
00:40:22,510 --> 00:40:23,900
Welcome, Rhod.
820
00:40:25,370 --> 00:40:27,255
- OK.
- I need you for this.
821
00:40:27,255 --> 00:40:29,530
I will do whatever you say,
if you could start on the mark.
822
00:40:29,530 --> 00:40:31,480
- You're gonna walk me down the...
- Am I?
823
00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:33,210
Ah, it's nice to know that
Jess isn't the only one
824
00:40:33,210 --> 00:40:34,260
who's gonna get hurt.
825
00:40:54,985 --> 00:40:58,410
Come down here and we'll add
those to the final scores!
826
00:41:06,400 --> 00:41:07,400
Well...
827
00:41:08,150 --> 00:41:10,550
that was eventful.
828
00:41:12,510 --> 00:41:15,010
If I don't win this task now...
829
00:41:15,010 --> 00:41:16,715
you are dead inside.
830
00:41:16,915 --> 00:41:18,250
I mean...
831
00:41:20,600 --> 00:41:23,130
Ladies and gentlemen, two points
for the most magnificent walk.
832
00:41:28,170 --> 00:41:30,200
Now let's hear about
the timings.
833
00:41:30,200 --> 00:41:32,580
Yeah. It is less good news
for Jess, in terms of...
834
00:41:33,710 --> 00:41:35,920
who was closest to 9.58 seconds.
835
00:41:35,920 --> 00:41:40,240
Jess struck the drum
after 27.20 seconds.
836
00:41:40,240 --> 00:41:43,370
- In fourth place...
- Yeah.
837
00:41:43,370 --> 00:41:48,620
gaining two points, he struck
the drum after 6.1 seconds,
838
00:41:48,620 --> 00:41:51,330
3.48 seconds out.
That's Phil Wang.
839
00:41:51,330 --> 00:41:52,280
Ahh.
840
00:41:52,280 --> 00:41:54,080
Two points.
841
00:41:54,080 --> 00:41:56,795
Very close to that, in third place,
842
00:41:56,795 --> 00:41:59,550
6.15 seconds was Kerry Godliman.
843
00:41:59,550 --> 00:42:01,760
- She gets three points.
- Despite my counting!
844
00:42:01,760 --> 00:42:03,570
At exactly - this is amazing -
845
00:42:03,570 --> 00:42:06,540
exactly 11.18 seconds,
846
00:42:06,540 --> 00:42:09,320
James Acaster in second
place. Four points.
847
00:42:09,950 --> 00:42:12,240
Rhod Gilbert, walking
on his hands,
848
00:42:12,240 --> 00:42:14,680
struck it in 9 seconds
and wins five points!
849
00:42:18,465 --> 00:42:19,950
- Blimey.
- Yes, blimey.
850
00:42:19,950 --> 00:42:21,720
'Cause it means now,
in the series scoreboard,
851
00:42:21,720 --> 00:42:23,800
Phil Wang has hit 100 points!
852
00:42:27,965 --> 00:42:30,530
We then have James on 116,
853
00:42:30,530 --> 00:42:32,260
Rhod and Kerry both on 124,
854
00:42:32,260 --> 00:42:34,395
but the hero, Jess, is on 127!
855
00:42:38,110 --> 00:42:39,770
But today's episode - do you
wanna hear who won?
856
00:42:39,770 --> 00:42:40,780
Yeeah.
857
00:42:41,680 --> 00:42:43,420
It was not tight at the end.
858
00:42:43,420 --> 00:42:45,950
Our runaway leader with 21
points is Mr Rhod Gilbert!
859
00:42:50,080 --> 00:42:52,200
Please go and collect
your exciting things
860
00:42:52,200 --> 00:42:54,800
beginning with the
letter G. Rhod Gilbert!
861
00:42:58,210 --> 00:42:59,730
So what have we learnt today?
862
00:42:59,730 --> 00:43:02,130
We've learnt that whatever
has happened at work,
863
00:43:02,130 --> 00:43:03,970
you might've had an
argument with your boss,
864
00:43:03,970 --> 00:43:06,350
you might've fallen off a stage,
865
00:43:06,350 --> 00:43:08,400
but at least none of you have felt
866
00:43:08,400 --> 00:43:11,130
anywhere near as angry as this.
867
00:43:14,860 --> 00:43:16,840
And Rhod Gilbert won, of course.
868
00:43:16,840 --> 00:43:19,040
Sensational skills,
a triumph of humanity.
869
00:43:19,040 --> 00:43:20,440
Episode eight next.
870
00:43:20,440 --> 00:43:22,200
Have a nice little rest and
we'll see you there.
871
00:43:22,200 --> 00:43:23,200
Bye!