1 00:00:34,910 --> 00:00:38,330 Hello and welcome to another chapter in the tale of Taskmaster. 2 00:00:38,330 --> 00:00:40,000 I am your narrator, Greg Davies. 3 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:42,880 Now, this head needs a new owner, 4 00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:44,400 and these are the only five people 5 00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:46,060 on the planet capable of claiming it. 6 00:00:46,060 --> 00:00:49,020 They are... James Acaster! 7 00:00:49,020 --> 00:00:51,100 Jessica Knappett! 8 00:00:52,310 --> 00:00:54,360 Kerry Godliman! 9 00:00:54,360 --> 00:00:56,550 Phil Wang! 10 00:00:56,550 --> 00:00:58,685 And Rhod Gilbert! 11 00:01:00,770 --> 00:01:03,360 And splattered all over the chair next to me, 12 00:01:04,130 --> 00:01:06,950 is the rancorous pustule of a human being 13 00:01:06,950 --> 00:01:09,770 that happens to be very good at Microsoft Excel. 14 00:01:09,770 --> 00:01:12,320 It's little Alex Horne! 15 00:01:12,320 --> 00:01:14,200 Thank you, Greg. That's very nice of you. 16 00:01:18,910 --> 00:01:20,080 Hello. Hello, Greg. 17 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:21,780 Thank you for the compliments. 18 00:01:26,150 --> 00:01:27,275 Nothing? 19 00:01:27,275 --> 00:01:29,910 I'm waiting, Alex. We normally have a chat during this section. 20 00:01:29,910 --> 00:01:32,370 Yes. I'm feeling very chilled today. 21 00:01:32,370 --> 00:01:34,450 - I feel good in myself. - Do you? 22 00:01:34,450 --> 00:01:36,275 - I know what you were hoping for. - Yeah. 23 00:01:36,275 --> 00:01:37,750 I know what you were hoping for, 24 00:01:37,750 --> 00:01:39,710 - and I know it took hours. - Yes. 25 00:01:39,710 --> 00:01:42,320 This is what you get when you try and get that much attention. 26 00:01:42,320 --> 00:01:43,385 Nothing. 27 00:01:47,350 --> 00:01:49,340 So what's the prize task, Alex? 28 00:01:52,660 --> 00:01:53,810 We've asked them to bring in 29 00:01:53,810 --> 00:01:56,250 the most exciting thing beginning with G. 30 00:01:56,250 --> 00:01:58,040 - Hmm. OK? - Oooh. 31 00:01:58,040 --> 00:01:59,230 You, of course, know what mine is. 32 00:01:59,230 --> 00:02:00,600 It's your special spot. 33 00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:01,770 I shouldn't-- I-- 34 00:02:01,770 --> 00:02:02,950 Oh my God. 35 00:02:04,860 --> 00:02:07,310 The person or woman that's brought in the most exciting thing-- 36 00:02:07,310 --> 00:02:09,210 Person or woman! 37 00:02:09,210 --> 00:02:12,060 That's brought in the most exciting thing beginning with G 38 00:02:12,060 --> 00:02:14,060 will get five wholesome points. 39 00:02:14,060 --> 00:02:15,440 Philip. Hello. 40 00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:16,730 Oh, hi, Greg. 41 00:02:16,730 --> 00:02:18,820 What's the G thing you've brought in? 42 00:02:18,820 --> 00:02:23,050 A gooold five-dollar bill! 43 00:02:25,510 --> 00:02:28,010 I think you will agree this is very exciting. 44 00:02:28,010 --> 00:02:30,410 It's money made out of... 45 00:02:30,710 --> 00:02:32,280 - You OK? - No, no. I'm good. 46 00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:34,080 It's money made out of gold. 47 00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:36,010 I bought this at Lincoln Memorial, 48 00:02:36,010 --> 00:02:37,695 and I haggled for it. 49 00:02:37,695 --> 00:02:40,275 The shopkeeper said, "This is $30." 50 00:02:40,275 --> 00:02:41,510 I said, "15." 51 00:02:41,510 --> 00:02:42,660 And she said, "30." 52 00:02:42,660 --> 00:02:44,605 I said, uh, "20." 53 00:02:44,605 --> 00:02:45,815 And she said, "30." 54 00:02:45,815 --> 00:02:48,320 So I paid $30 for this bill. 55 00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:51,350 You might have paid $30, but if you look closely 56 00:02:51,350 --> 00:02:53,485 at the back, there is a price tag as well. 57 00:02:53,485 --> 00:02:54,710 You can see it... 58 00:02:57,740 --> 00:03:00,570 Well, goodness me. Kerry? 59 00:03:00,570 --> 00:03:02,800 Right. My thing is guacamole. 60 00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:04,510 OK, and-- What? 61 00:03:06,330 --> 00:03:08,150 You heard Phil's, did you? 62 00:03:08,150 --> 00:03:09,900 I-I'm irritated already! 63 00:03:11,110 --> 00:03:13,370 Tell me it's not a bowl of guacamole, Kerry. 64 00:03:13,370 --> 00:03:14,575 Yes, it is. 65 00:03:14,575 --> 00:03:16,260 Let's have a look at it. 66 00:03:16,260 --> 00:03:18,730 It doesn't even look very nice! 67 00:03:18,730 --> 00:03:20,860 I'm a better shade of green than that, Kerry. 68 00:03:22,550 --> 00:03:24,280 - Come on, Kerry. - I think guacamole's exciting, 69 00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:26,950 - because it's delicious. - Right. 70 00:03:26,950 --> 00:03:28,330 And-- OK, wait-- 71 00:03:28,330 --> 00:03:32,880 And, er, it's got a very narrow window of good times, 72 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:35,330 'cause it goes brown, doesn't it? Literally the next day. 73 00:03:35,330 --> 00:03:38,800 You don't ever eat it alone. It's a shared dish, it's a party thing. 74 00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:40,260 Oh, you can eat it alone, can't you, Alex? 75 00:03:40,260 --> 00:03:41,340 I often do. 76 00:03:42,370 --> 00:03:44,775 OK, I see where you're coming from. 77 00:03:44,775 --> 00:03:46,720 - What? - That it's shit. 78 00:03:47,930 --> 00:03:48,750 Jess? 79 00:03:48,750 --> 00:03:50,330 Most exciting thing beginning with G. 80 00:03:50,330 --> 00:03:54,705 Ooh, what? Most exciting person beginning with G. 81 00:03:54,705 --> 00:03:56,405 Oh, no. 82 00:03:58,310 --> 00:03:59,965 ♪ Gre-eg ♪ 83 00:04:00,165 --> 00:04:01,615 Here we go. 84 00:04:03,230 --> 00:04:06,660 Signed Greg Davies merch. 85 00:04:06,660 --> 00:04:08,395 So I asked you to sign it 86 00:04:08,395 --> 00:04:10,785 but then you started asking me questions. 87 00:04:10,785 --> 00:04:12,600 About who it was for. 88 00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:14,295 And you said it was for your dad. 89 00:04:14,295 --> 00:04:16,080 And that he was a big fan of mine. 90 00:04:16,080 --> 00:04:18,080 Yes. 91 00:04:18,080 --> 00:04:20,555 And then you said, "What's your dad's name?" 92 00:04:20,555 --> 00:04:23,020 And then I thought it had to begin with G, 93 00:04:23,020 --> 00:04:24,130 'cause I got confused. 94 00:04:24,130 --> 00:04:26,220 So I pretended it's Gordon, 95 00:04:26,220 --> 00:04:27,550 but it's still exciting! 96 00:04:27,550 --> 00:04:30,040 So that whole thing the other night was a total lie? 97 00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:31,680 What's your dad really called? 98 00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:32,765 Peter. 99 00:04:35,695 --> 00:04:39,530 Rhod. It's an exciting thing beginning with G, please. 100 00:04:39,530 --> 00:04:42,350 I took a little trip down to... 101 00:04:42,350 --> 00:04:43,495 Wem. 102 00:04:43,495 --> 00:04:45,260 That's my home town. 103 00:04:45,260 --> 00:04:48,695 Your mum showed me around all your... 104 00:04:48,695 --> 00:04:51,230 childhood and teenage toys. 105 00:04:51,230 --> 00:04:52,230 Yeah. 106 00:04:52,230 --> 00:04:54,080 - Let's see the picture. - There we go. 107 00:04:54,840 --> 00:04:58,280 A confusing Six Million Dollar Man in his underpants, I have to say. 108 00:05:00,415 --> 00:05:03,500 Hey, when he's been running really fast, he gets hot. 109 00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:06,060 What's beginning with G? 110 00:05:06,060 --> 00:05:07,970 - It's Greg's toy collection. - Oh, I see. 111 00:05:07,970 --> 00:05:10,110 You were hoping to humiliate me with these toys, weren't you? 112 00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:11,820 No, I thought you'd be excited to see toys 113 00:05:11,820 --> 00:05:13,550 you probably haven't seen for 40 years. 114 00:05:13,550 --> 00:05:14,620 - I am. - Yeah! 115 00:05:14,620 --> 00:05:16,460 I'm excited to see the Six Million Dollar Man. 116 00:05:16,460 --> 00:05:18,750 The glove puppets were my sister's, so fuck you. 117 00:05:20,750 --> 00:05:23,910 Well, I think that "fuck you" should be directed at your mother, 118 00:05:23,910 --> 00:05:26,710 because she said you'd say that. 119 00:05:32,310 --> 00:05:33,750 - James. - Yeah. 120 00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:37,015 So far the worst round in Taskmaster history. 121 00:05:37,015 --> 00:05:39,075 Can you save it? 122 00:05:39,175 --> 00:05:41,215 Pretty sure I can. 123 00:05:41,415 --> 00:05:43,430 Gandhi's glasses. 124 00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:50,785 Did you just get any old glasses and... 125 00:05:50,785 --> 00:05:52,860 - say they're his glasses? - Nope. Did not do that. 126 00:05:52,860 --> 00:05:54,060 Those are Gandhi's glasses. 127 00:05:54,060 --> 00:05:55,330 Mahatma Gandhi's glasses. 128 00:05:55,330 --> 00:05:56,805 They're Mahatma Gandhi's glasses. 129 00:05:56,805 --> 00:05:58,220 He had a vision for the world, 130 00:05:58,220 --> 00:06:00,910 and he was given vision by those glasses. 131 00:06:00,910 --> 00:06:05,200 It does say on the internet that Gandhi's glasses sold in 2009 132 00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:07,440 - for 1.8 million. - Oh, OK. 133 00:06:07,440 --> 00:06:09,700 Over the years, they've gone down in value. 134 00:06:10,510 --> 00:06:13,600 It seems they're just an old pair of glasses, 135 00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:15,370 and a lot of bullshit. 136 00:06:15,370 --> 00:06:18,200 OK, for the first time in Taskmaster history, 137 00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:20,580 no one is getting five points for this round. 138 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:23,800 I'm gonna give two people two points, 139 00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:25,320 and three people one point. 140 00:06:27,280 --> 00:06:29,130 - Two points for Rhod. - Uh-huh? 141 00:06:29,130 --> 00:06:31,170 And I'm gonna give two points to James. 142 00:06:31,170 --> 00:06:33,050 - For Gandhi's glasses? - What?! 143 00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:35,450 These three, absolutely shit. 144 00:06:36,220 --> 00:06:36,970 That's it. 145 00:06:36,970 --> 00:06:39,740 Two points, two points. You three get one. 146 00:06:41,060 --> 00:06:42,710 Let's have our first proper task, Alex. 147 00:06:42,710 --> 00:06:45,060 OK, we have a task that is off the wall 148 00:06:45,060 --> 00:06:46,410 by Michael Jackson. Ready? 149 00:06:59,060 --> 00:07:00,060 Hello. 150 00:07:00,060 --> 00:07:01,120 Hello, Jessica. 151 00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:02,210 Hmm. 152 00:07:05,260 --> 00:07:09,125 "Throw something into the bin on the other side of this fence." 153 00:07:09,125 --> 00:07:10,570 - This fence? - Yes. 154 00:07:10,570 --> 00:07:12,330 "You may not use ladders." 155 00:07:12,330 --> 00:07:14,215 "You may not touch the fence... 156 00:07:14,215 --> 00:07:16,965 and you must stay this side of the fence." 157 00:07:16,965 --> 00:07:19,400 - "You may not use ladders." - That chair is a ladder. 158 00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:20,636 - That's not a ladder. - It is a ladder. 159 00:07:20,660 --> 00:07:21,736 - That is not a ladder. - It is a ladder. 160 00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:22,630 - That is a ladder. - It's a ladder. 161 00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:23,550 - It's not a ladder. - It is a ladder. 162 00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:24,430 - That is not a ladder. - It is a ladder. 163 00:07:24,460 --> 00:07:25,746 - That is not a ladder. - It looks like a ladder. 164 00:07:25,770 --> 00:07:26,720 - That's not a ladder. - Ladder. 165 00:07:26,750 --> 00:07:27,670 - That is not a ladder. - It is a ladder. 166 00:07:27,700 --> 00:07:28,750 - That's not a ladder. - It is a ladder. 167 00:07:28,750 --> 00:07:30,150 "Fastest wins." 168 00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:31,750 "Your time starts now." 169 00:07:31,750 --> 00:07:33,150 I can't see. 170 00:07:33,150 --> 00:07:34,920 Can I drill a hole? 171 00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:36,180 Er... 172 00:07:37,970 --> 00:07:38,840 Ugh! 173 00:07:38,840 --> 00:07:39,850 Nope. 174 00:07:43,685 --> 00:07:47,040 I keep fighting this instinct to characterise you 175 00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:50,150 as a sort of Cockney wide boy. 176 00:07:50,150 --> 00:07:51,200 You keep doing things like, 177 00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:53,440 "I'll get a drill. Drill a hole in it. Bosh." 178 00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:55,400 "That's it sorted!" 179 00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:56,370 I dunno what the problem is. 180 00:07:56,370 --> 00:07:58,105 I dunno, I haven't got a problem with it. 181 00:07:58,105 --> 00:07:59,700 It delights me. 182 00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:03,200 Watching you argue whether a ladder's not a ladder 183 00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:05,770 is honestly like every conversation I've ever had with you. 184 00:08:07,770 --> 00:08:08,775 It's not. 185 00:08:08,975 --> 00:08:10,285 There you go. 186 00:08:11,730 --> 00:08:14,950 Do you wanna start by watching James Acaster going berserk? 187 00:08:14,950 --> 00:08:16,180 Of course I do. 188 00:08:16,180 --> 00:08:18,900 I mean, we all know what I'm about to do, and it's gonna be pretty... 189 00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:21,860 Nope! 190 00:08:21,860 --> 00:08:24,180 Why did I do that? Why did I even try that? 191 00:08:26,570 --> 00:08:27,400 Nope. 192 00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:29,500 - Not in the bin. - Not in the bin. 193 00:08:30,730 --> 00:08:31,960 Not in the bin. 194 00:08:37,730 --> 00:08:38,830 Not in the bin. 195 00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:44,705 Not in the bin. 196 00:08:44,705 --> 00:08:45,770 Oh! 197 00:08:45,770 --> 00:08:46,860 Sorry, guys. 198 00:08:47,460 --> 00:08:49,140 Not in the bin. 199 00:08:50,750 --> 00:08:52,830 - Not in the bin. - Nothing in the bin? 200 00:08:55,660 --> 00:08:57,485 Aha! I see it. 201 00:08:57,485 --> 00:08:59,340 This general area. 202 00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:10,300 Not in the bin. 203 00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:14,820 Alex, can you give me a hand? 204 00:09:14,820 --> 00:09:16,500 Put it down there, please. 205 00:09:22,150 --> 00:09:24,460 Not in the bin, James. It does have to go into the bin. 206 00:09:24,460 --> 00:09:25,000 Yes! 207 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:26,630 All the fezes at once. 208 00:09:28,020 --> 00:09:29,100 Argh! 209 00:09:34,420 --> 00:09:36,040 - Good shot, James. - Yep. 210 00:09:39,340 --> 00:09:41,215 So, your initial impulse... 211 00:09:41,215 --> 00:09:42,555 just start throwing stuff. 212 00:09:42,555 --> 00:09:47,775 Yeah. I thought that, maybe, the first thing I threw would go in, 213 00:09:47,775 --> 00:09:49,640 and then I'll be a hero. 214 00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:51,740 And everyone would go crazy. 215 00:09:51,740 --> 00:09:55,620 And what happened was, I'm not exaggerating, 216 00:09:55,620 --> 00:09:57,250 a waking nightmare. 217 00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:00,930 I... was... 218 00:10:00,930 --> 00:10:03,325 so stressed out during all of that. 219 00:10:03,325 --> 00:10:05,460 Even more stressed when I watched it back 220 00:10:05,460 --> 00:10:08,210 and realised that I got the location of the bin completely wrong. 221 00:10:09,370 --> 00:10:11,640 - Yeah. - 76 items, he threw. 222 00:10:13,860 --> 00:10:16,400 He took 19 minutes and 10 seconds. 223 00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:18,730 Incredible. OK, who's next? 224 00:10:18,730 --> 00:10:20,840 We're gonna see two people whose extended names 225 00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:22,680 are the same as two digital brands. 226 00:10:22,680 --> 00:10:25,960 It's Philips and Jessops. Phil and Jess. OK? 227 00:10:27,150 --> 00:10:28,150 Right. 228 00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:34,820 - Oh, God! - Be very careful. 229 00:10:34,820 --> 00:10:36,360 Oh, God. Don't let go. 230 00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:41,670 I've just remembered that I haven't got anything to throw. 231 00:10:47,550 --> 00:10:49,480 There's a bin... 232 00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:50,970 and there's a guy playing golf. 233 00:10:50,970 --> 00:10:52,775 It seems like we're very far away. 234 00:10:52,775 --> 00:10:55,685 But I feel like there's another closer bin. 235 00:10:55,685 --> 00:10:58,050 - What are you throwing? - My hair band. 236 00:11:04,510 --> 00:11:05,510 No. 237 00:11:10,970 --> 00:11:12,180 Oh, come on. 238 00:11:14,020 --> 00:11:15,360 A-ha! 239 00:11:16,260 --> 00:11:17,410 Overshot. 240 00:11:18,220 --> 00:11:20,120 Uuugh! 241 00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:26,050 Oi oi! 242 00:11:27,730 --> 00:11:30,180 Oi oi! 243 00:11:30,950 --> 00:11:32,160 Heyyy! 244 00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:36,460 Heyyy! 245 00:11:36,460 --> 00:11:39,140 Thank you for the opportunity. 246 00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:50,000 So, the old bin and tyre technique, eh? 247 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:52,040 The old bin and tyre. 248 00:11:52,040 --> 00:11:53,750 It was very, very quick. 249 00:11:53,750 --> 00:11:55,770 No, it wasn't. 250 00:11:55,770 --> 00:11:57,680 It would've been quick if you'd done it quicker. 251 00:11:57,680 --> 00:12:01,570 You took seven minutes and 35 seconds. 252 00:12:01,570 --> 00:12:02,930 That's really fast. 253 00:12:04,530 --> 00:12:06,875 Phil tried to do something clever, initially, right? 254 00:12:06,875 --> 00:12:10,260 Well, he spotted a bin way off in the distance. 255 00:12:10,260 --> 00:12:11,200 - Oh. - Yeah... 256 00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:14,520 which turned out to just be part of a golf course. 257 00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:17,840 And so I thought, "There's actually another bin 258 00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:20,770 which is really close. It's right next to the..." 259 00:12:20,770 --> 00:12:23,850 That's what I thought you'd presumed. There was a sneaky bin there. 260 00:12:23,850 --> 00:12:25,170 - Yeah. - There wasn't. 261 00:12:25,170 --> 00:12:27,220 So once I established that there wasn't anything close, 262 00:12:27,220 --> 00:12:29,150 I jumped on a drawing table, saw it, 263 00:12:29,150 --> 00:12:31,275 and just wanged that satsuma into a bin. 264 00:12:31,275 --> 00:12:32,740 An apple, but yes. 265 00:12:35,970 --> 00:12:37,420 Was it a good time? Tell me now. 266 00:12:37,420 --> 00:12:39,220 Well, seven minutes 35 to beat. 267 00:12:39,220 --> 00:12:42,230 Seven minutes... 19. 268 00:12:42,230 --> 00:12:44,780 - Hot damn! - So fast! 269 00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:48,620 Right, off you go. Have a break. Make it snappy. 270 00:12:48,620 --> 00:12:50,810 We've got great TV to make here, for God's sake. 271 00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:03,405 Hello. Welcome back to Taskmaster. 272 00:13:03,405 --> 00:13:05,160 What's going on, Alex? 273 00:13:06,130 --> 00:13:08,660 We had a little task taking place, 274 00:13:08,660 --> 00:13:10,910 where the contestants had to get something in a bin 275 00:13:10,910 --> 00:13:12,910 on the other side of the fence. Tricky. 276 00:13:12,910 --> 00:13:14,770 But not as tricky as James made it look. 277 00:13:14,770 --> 00:13:18,430 Next up, we've got Rhod and Kerry. 278 00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:21,430 Let me just see if I can hear anything. 279 00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:25,000 Well, I don't know where the bin is, do I? 280 00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:26,000 It's not there. 281 00:13:31,570 --> 00:13:32,220 Ow. 282 00:13:32,220 --> 00:13:34,430 - Is there anything in it yet? - No. 283 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:37,660 There's nothing there. 284 00:13:37,660 --> 00:13:39,850 Oh, watch the back of my head! 285 00:13:41,970 --> 00:13:43,300 Right, I got you. 286 00:13:50,420 --> 00:13:51,830 Oh, right! 287 00:13:58,660 --> 00:14:01,850 Oh, I don't see how I'm gonna do this! 288 00:14:03,750 --> 00:14:05,250 Well, that's a stupid idea. 289 00:14:06,750 --> 00:14:08,150 - Are we ready? - Yep. 290 00:14:08,150 --> 00:14:10,060 - Get a bit closer. - To what? To you? 291 00:14:10,060 --> 00:14:11,670 - The fence, not to me. - OK. 292 00:14:13,350 --> 00:14:14,350 Argh! 293 00:14:15,750 --> 00:14:16,750 Yes! 294 00:14:18,110 --> 00:14:19,450 Yes! 295 00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:22,470 Yes! Yes! 296 00:14:23,570 --> 00:14:25,520 Yes! Yes! 297 00:14:28,295 --> 00:14:30,170 - Victory at all costs, is it? - Yep. 298 00:14:30,170 --> 00:14:31,620 You didn't know if there was a party of toddlers 299 00:14:31,620 --> 00:14:33,050 behind that fence, did you? 300 00:14:33,050 --> 00:14:35,750 Start shotgunning pebbles over there. 301 00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:37,710 It's scattergun, though, scattergun. 302 00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:39,440 Surely I should get a point for scattergun. 303 00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:42,480 He's the only one who thought, "I'm gonna cover a wide area." 304 00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:44,110 - Scattergun. - Credit where credit's due. 305 00:14:44,110 --> 00:14:46,400 It's almost more sensible 306 00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:48,840 to use pebbles to cover a large area 307 00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:51,220 than to just toss a drainpipe over. 308 00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:54,620 Well, you say that, but, 309 00:14:54,620 --> 00:14:56,510 a drainpipe is long, isn't it? 310 00:14:56,510 --> 00:14:58,510 So I thought it would cover quite a lot of mass. 311 00:14:58,510 --> 00:15:00,820 So I'd go "dunk" and I did glean 312 00:15:00,820 --> 00:15:02,500 that it wasn't where it landed. 313 00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:05,280 There were fast, tell you that. 314 00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:06,750 They weren't. One of them was. 315 00:15:06,750 --> 00:15:08,005 Oh! 316 00:15:08,005 --> 00:15:11,295 I think this gravel-voiced gimp has done it. 317 00:15:11,495 --> 00:15:13,880 The gravel-voiced gimp used gravel 318 00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:16,195 and got it in in three minutes, 17 seconds. 319 00:15:16,195 --> 00:15:18,450 Bloody hell. 320 00:15:19,820 --> 00:15:21,730 I mean, that's sort of slightly undermined 321 00:15:21,730 --> 00:15:23,660 by "the gravel-voiced gimp," but I'll take it. 322 00:15:23,660 --> 00:15:26,605 Kerry got two seconds and 12 minutes. 323 00:15:26,605 --> 00:15:28,910 So James, obviously, one point for last place, 324 00:15:28,910 --> 00:15:30,710 then Kerry two, Jess three, Phil four, 325 00:15:30,710 --> 00:15:32,400 but Rhod Gilbert wins the task and five points! 326 00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:33,400 Shotgun! 327 00:15:35,150 --> 00:15:36,420 Do you wanna know the current scoreboard? 328 00:15:36,420 --> 00:15:37,330 Yes. 329 00:15:37,330 --> 00:15:39,820 This episode we have two people, James and Kerry, in joint last. 330 00:15:39,820 --> 00:15:42,460 But in the lead with seven points, it's Rhod Gilbert! 331 00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:49,310 Right, another lovely task, please. 332 00:15:49,310 --> 00:15:51,900 OK, it's a quick one. Blink and you'll miss it. 333 00:16:04,820 --> 00:16:05,675 Hello. 334 00:16:05,675 --> 00:16:06,700 Hi, Kerry. 335 00:16:10,660 --> 00:16:11,875 Pulley system. 336 00:16:11,875 --> 00:16:14,195 - Want me to give this a little tug? - Yes, please. 337 00:16:17,130 --> 00:16:18,185 Oh. 338 00:16:19,950 --> 00:16:22,050 - Too much of a tug? - Yeah, that was... 339 00:16:22,860 --> 00:16:25,330 "Don't blink." Oops! 340 00:16:26,130 --> 00:16:28,350 "Don't blink. Last to blink wins." 341 00:16:28,350 --> 00:16:30,110 "Last to blink wins." 342 00:16:30,110 --> 00:16:31,940 Right, let me get them out. 343 00:16:31,940 --> 00:16:33,830 How many times do you blink in a day? 344 00:16:33,830 --> 00:16:36,250 "Your time starts in ten seconds." 345 00:16:36,250 --> 00:16:37,750 1200 times per hour, so... 346 00:16:37,750 --> 00:16:39,930 - 1200 times an hour. - 28,800 times a day. 347 00:16:39,930 --> 00:16:41,680 28,800 times a day. 348 00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:44,465 So if I blink 28,800 times now... 349 00:16:44,465 --> 00:16:46,450 and then I read the rest of the card... 350 00:16:47,480 --> 00:16:48,560 I should be in. 351 00:16:55,095 --> 00:16:56,260 What? 352 00:16:56,260 --> 00:16:58,480 I am not 100% convinced 353 00:16:58,480 --> 00:17:01,670 that you don't think that a human has a blink quota. 354 00:17:03,040 --> 00:17:04,350 Of course I don't. Don't be silly. 355 00:17:04,350 --> 00:17:05,730 But I thought I'd give it a go. 356 00:17:05,730 --> 00:17:08,770 OK, well, here are quite a few of them giving it a go. 357 00:17:09,730 --> 00:17:10,770 Where do I look? 358 00:17:10,770 --> 00:17:12,310 - Into the camera, please. - That one? 359 00:17:12,310 --> 00:17:14,880 Yeah, I'll blow the whistle in seven seconds now. 360 00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:15,904 Good luck. 361 00:17:15,929 --> 00:17:17,375 Three seconds... 362 00:17:17,375 --> 00:17:20,050 Two, one... 363 00:17:29,950 --> 00:17:31,230 Argh! 364 00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:33,870 Oh. 365 00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:45,450 Actually, I'm doing alright here. 366 00:17:54,855 --> 00:17:57,210 This is just how I talk to people anyway. 367 00:17:58,440 --> 00:17:59,695 You alright? 368 00:17:59,695 --> 00:18:01,150 Yes? 369 00:18:01,150 --> 00:18:02,800 Oh, I think I just blinked. 370 00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:04,210 Oh, there's a blink. 371 00:18:05,130 --> 00:18:06,220 Wow. 372 00:18:06,220 --> 00:18:07,570 That was quite good. What was that? 373 00:18:07,570 --> 00:18:08,660 How many seconds? 374 00:18:08,660 --> 00:18:11,170 Well, it's... one minute 17 seconds. 375 00:18:11,170 --> 00:18:13,730 That's quite a lot... for a human. 376 00:18:20,430 --> 00:18:22,540 Oh, God, what? 377 00:18:22,540 --> 00:18:25,150 I just thought, what do you mean, "Quite a lot for a human"? 378 00:18:25,150 --> 00:18:27,040 Some animals don't blink at all, do they? 379 00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:28,550 - She's got a point. - Is that true? 380 00:18:28,550 --> 00:18:30,530 Hamsters only wink. Genuinely true. 381 00:18:30,530 --> 00:18:31,750 Fish and snakes don't-- 382 00:18:31,750 --> 00:18:33,020 What do you mean, hamsters only wink? 383 00:18:33,020 --> 00:18:34,350 They can only do one eye at a time. 384 00:18:34,350 --> 00:18:35,775 Saucy little devils. 385 00:18:37,130 --> 00:18:38,265 James... 386 00:18:38,265 --> 00:18:40,100 Just weird, mate. 387 00:18:40,910 --> 00:18:43,130 That is how I imagine you sleep. 388 00:18:45,025 --> 00:18:47,770 It was exactly the opposite technique to Phil. 389 00:18:47,770 --> 00:18:50,620 Before the task, he shut his eyes for a full five seconds. 390 00:18:50,620 --> 00:18:53,415 If you'd then kept them shut, there would've been no blink. 391 00:18:55,840 --> 00:18:57,660 So obvious now! 392 00:18:57,660 --> 00:18:59,880 My seven-year-old came up with that, genuinely. 393 00:19:01,550 --> 00:19:03,370 We haven't mentioned Kerry's attempt. 394 00:19:03,370 --> 00:19:05,750 She came last. She only didn't blink for 11 seconds. 395 00:19:05,750 --> 00:19:09,000 Then Phil with 12 seconds, James with 12.4 seconds. 396 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:11,550 But so far, Jess in the lead with 77 seconds. 397 00:19:15,030 --> 00:19:18,700 When we separate one, it's for one of two reasons. 398 00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:21,420 It's gone very well, 399 00:19:21,420 --> 00:19:23,330 or it's gone very, very badly. 400 00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:25,510 I would say this one is genuinely a bit of both. 401 00:19:25,510 --> 00:19:27,405 A bit of both! 402 00:19:27,405 --> 00:19:28,970 Here is the other one. 403 00:19:28,970 --> 00:19:30,350 Are you gonna tell me when I start? 404 00:19:30,350 --> 00:19:31,910 Yep, I'll count you down. 405 00:19:31,910 --> 00:19:36,670 Five, four, three, two, one. 406 00:19:46,060 --> 00:19:47,875 I mean, this is fucking agony. 407 00:19:53,350 --> 00:19:55,550 Have you got anything like, um... 408 00:19:55,550 --> 00:20:00,660 super glue... or a staple gun or something like that. 409 00:20:00,660 --> 00:20:02,685 Gaffer tape might do it, actually. 410 00:20:02,685 --> 00:20:03,730 Yeah. 411 00:20:03,730 --> 00:20:06,450 God, please, get the gaffer tape on there. It's killing me. 412 00:20:06,450 --> 00:20:07,970 - Like this? - Yeah. 413 00:20:07,970 --> 00:20:10,210 I've got my eyes firmly open, don't you worry about that. 414 00:20:12,750 --> 00:20:15,515 I've not sure that's gaffer- taped them at all. 415 00:20:15,515 --> 00:20:17,620 You've just given me a bandana. 416 00:20:17,620 --> 00:20:19,300 You want something worth doing... 417 00:20:20,620 --> 00:20:24,070 Hang on a minute. I'm just gonna have to tip the tears out. 418 00:20:26,860 --> 00:20:28,380 That's a bit better. 419 00:20:30,460 --> 00:20:33,265 Oh, that was good-- Argh! Oh! 420 00:20:33,265 --> 00:20:35,070 Your right eye is the worry, I think. 421 00:20:35,070 --> 00:20:36,105 Yeah. 422 00:20:36,305 --> 00:20:38,270 That's where most of the pain is. 423 00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:40,970 Oh, I think I blinked then. 424 00:20:40,970 --> 00:20:42,730 Did I blink then? Did I? 425 00:20:42,730 --> 00:20:44,060 I think that-- Is that a blink? 426 00:20:44,060 --> 00:20:46,800 I think it is. I think I don't even know what I'm doing any more. 427 00:20:48,550 --> 00:20:49,700 Ohh. 428 00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:55,080 Genuinely horrifying to watch, I thought. 429 00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:58,040 - It's like a scene from A Clockwork Orange. - It's like A Clockwork Orange, it's awful. 430 00:20:58,040 --> 00:21:00,140 I mean, honestly, hand on heart, 15 years of friendship, 431 00:21:00,140 --> 00:21:02,180 that's the most impressed I've ever been with you. 432 00:21:04,460 --> 00:21:06,080 I mean, he smashed this, surely. 433 00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:09,080 He did. I would say that you do get genuine staring competitions. 434 00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:10,620 In Australia, they film it. 435 00:21:10,620 --> 00:21:12,280 The Australian Broadcasting Corporation said, 436 00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:15,220 "At around 17 minutes, the crowd became agitated." 437 00:21:15,220 --> 00:21:17,940 "At 30 minutes, the contestants confessed to boredom." 438 00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:23,350 "And then at 35, the winner felt like he was getting a tattoo on his eyeball." 439 00:21:23,350 --> 00:21:25,750 It is painful, 'cause your corneas dry up. 440 00:21:25,750 --> 00:21:26,970 It is terrible, yeah. 441 00:21:26,970 --> 00:21:29,770 You lasted seven minutes and ten seconds. 442 00:21:29,770 --> 00:21:30,930 Jesus! 443 00:21:30,930 --> 00:21:32,930 Oh my God! 444 00:21:32,930 --> 00:21:34,695 Rhod! 445 00:21:34,695 --> 00:21:36,950 Don't try that at home. 446 00:21:36,950 --> 00:21:38,330 Which means that Kerry gets one point, 447 00:21:38,330 --> 00:21:40,460 two points to Phil, three points to James, four to Jess. 448 00:21:40,460 --> 00:21:42,530 Obviously Rhod Gilbert gets all five points. 449 00:21:44,910 --> 00:21:47,440 OK, everyone, I'd just like to take the chance to thank you 450 00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:49,150 for watching the first two parts of the show. 451 00:21:49,150 --> 00:21:51,200 You've done a great job. I'm so proud of you. 452 00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:02,640 Hello! Welcome back to Taskmaster. 453 00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:06,220 There's some prize-worthy guacamole seriously on the turn up there, 454 00:22:06,220 --> 00:22:08,440 so they need to crack right on with the new task. 455 00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:10,340 And this one is a team one. 456 00:22:10,340 --> 00:22:11,980 Wooo. 457 00:22:23,060 --> 00:22:23,975 Hello. 458 00:22:23,975 --> 00:22:26,980 Wow... OK. 459 00:22:27,750 --> 00:22:31,960 Hi, Phil. Hello, Rhod. Hello, James. 460 00:22:35,550 --> 00:22:39,295 "Make the best extension to the Taskmaster house." 461 00:22:39,295 --> 00:22:42,660 "You have 30 minutes. Your time starts now." 462 00:22:42,660 --> 00:22:44,860 - Right. Build an extension. - Come on. 463 00:22:44,860 --> 00:22:46,310 Well, we need a foreman. 464 00:22:46,310 --> 00:22:48,165 Phil, you're dressed like a foreman. 465 00:22:52,915 --> 00:22:55,350 A nice extension for my little house. 466 00:22:55,350 --> 00:22:56,800 Somewhere I can relax. 467 00:22:56,800 --> 00:22:59,200 Let's start with the former soap stars 468 00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:01,080 turned home improvement presenters. 469 00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:02,650 It's Donna and Donna. 470 00:23:03,950 --> 00:23:06,000 We're gonna do this in under 30 minutes, if anything. 471 00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:07,110 Easy. 472 00:23:07,110 --> 00:23:08,685 Do we need guttering? 473 00:23:08,685 --> 00:23:10,510 Because if it rains... 474 00:23:10,510 --> 00:23:14,180 I'm gonna say that we can probably go easy on the guttering. 475 00:23:17,820 --> 00:23:20,040 Oh my God, the garage is open. 476 00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:22,950 OK, look. These are sturdier bits of pole. 477 00:23:22,950 --> 00:23:25,530 Look at these massive spoons! 478 00:23:30,020 --> 00:23:33,320 Oh, mate, that's... That's not gonna work. 479 00:23:34,110 --> 00:23:37,360 One bit of bad weather and that's not gonna hold. 480 00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:40,600 You've got eight minutes. 481 00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:42,280 Just gonna put a throw cushion in there. 482 00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:44,570 - Yes. Cat flap? - Yeah. 483 00:23:44,570 --> 00:23:46,230 Cat for the cat flap. 484 00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:49,240 What more can we do? 485 00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:51,100 I am actually happy with that. 486 00:23:51,100 --> 00:23:52,630 Let's have a cup of tea in it. 487 00:23:52,930 --> 00:23:56,120 Oh, no. There's no cups! Let's have a banana, then. 488 00:23:56,120 --> 00:23:58,640 - A celebratory banana? - Banana. 489 00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:01,820 - Honey, I'm home! - Yoo-hoo! 490 00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:09,350 I mean, classic Godliman quotes there. 491 00:24:09,350 --> 00:24:13,740 "Nah, nah. One bit of bad weather, that's not gonna hold." 492 00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:17,895 Sensible, it was sensible. I approached it sensibly. 493 00:24:17,895 --> 00:24:20,150 No, no, you went the other side of that with, 494 00:24:20,150 --> 00:24:21,660 "Look at these massive spoons." 495 00:24:23,220 --> 00:24:25,040 Can we have a look at the end product? 496 00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:27,620 Yeah. It's worth admiring the ambitious brickwork, 497 00:24:27,620 --> 00:24:29,240 which is the other way round to normal... 498 00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:33,400 The only thing that's missing from that house 499 00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:35,670 is two litres of white cider. 500 00:24:39,710 --> 00:24:41,620 - Can I ask a question? - Yes, James. 501 00:24:41,620 --> 00:24:43,870 Was the garage open for us as well? 502 00:24:43,870 --> 00:24:45,950 You will see. I mean, it absolutely was, but-- 503 00:24:45,950 --> 00:24:47,280 We could've gone in the garage. 504 00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:48,280 Yeah. 505 00:24:50,530 --> 00:24:52,920 I... Oh, my God. 506 00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:57,110 Well, we've seen Phil's extension before, so... 507 00:24:59,530 --> 00:25:02,560 High hopes for him and his team. Here is how they got on. 508 00:25:02,560 --> 00:25:04,260 Can't we move the shed? 509 00:25:04,260 --> 00:25:06,665 We take all the stuff out, we knock the back out. 510 00:25:06,665 --> 00:25:09,150 Then we lift it up and we put it round the front door. 511 00:25:09,150 --> 00:25:11,950 You've said "lift it up" like that's gonna be a very easy thing to do. 512 00:25:13,620 --> 00:25:15,630 Don't even wanna know what he's thinking about. 513 00:25:15,630 --> 00:25:17,230 That's gonna be a help. 514 00:25:18,020 --> 00:25:20,250 Rhod? Maybe gimme a hand? 515 00:25:20,250 --> 00:25:22,610 30 minutes, Rhod, 30 minutes. 516 00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:25,250 I've got an idea. 517 00:25:26,060 --> 00:25:27,870 And we're gonna need a lorry. 518 00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:30,470 But... 519 00:25:34,420 --> 00:25:36,350 Where's he going to get a lorry? 520 00:25:36,350 --> 00:25:38,660 Reverse the lorry onto the front of the house... 521 00:25:38,660 --> 00:25:40,770 and that is a better extension than this. 522 00:25:40,770 --> 00:25:42,510 Well, find a lorry then! 523 00:25:42,510 --> 00:25:44,310 And we'll do this while you're finding a lorry. 524 00:25:44,310 --> 00:25:45,440 You do that. Right. 525 00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:47,150 Nearly-- He's nearly 50. 526 00:25:59,350 --> 00:26:01,760 Guess that was always gonna happen. 527 00:26:04,150 --> 00:26:06,440 Get some furniture from inside the house. 528 00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:07,965 Where's the lorry? 529 00:26:07,965 --> 00:26:09,660 Couldn't get a lorry. 530 00:26:09,660 --> 00:26:11,420 I'm making an extension here. 531 00:26:11,420 --> 00:26:13,810 Well, why aren't you doing it with us down there? 532 00:26:13,810 --> 00:26:15,950 If we do two, we'll have a better shot at it. 533 00:26:15,950 --> 00:26:17,715 Absolutely ridiculous. 534 00:26:17,715 --> 00:26:19,420 Rhod, what is that? 535 00:26:19,420 --> 00:26:21,630 Don't try and reason with him, Phil. 536 00:26:21,630 --> 00:26:23,875 Pass me that tape, Phil? 537 00:26:23,875 --> 00:26:25,110 The one here? 538 00:26:25,110 --> 00:26:26,160 What?! 539 00:26:27,260 --> 00:26:29,850 They're very charming, the Irish. 540 00:26:31,150 --> 00:26:32,440 Well, how's yours going? 541 00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:34,630 It was going alright when Phil was helping me! 542 00:26:35,420 --> 00:26:37,400 So you've done two extensions, have you? 543 00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:38,680 That's not an extension. 544 00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:40,100 That's a poster. 545 00:26:42,970 --> 00:26:44,150 What do you think? 546 00:26:44,150 --> 00:26:46,900 You've written "extension" on the garage. 547 00:26:48,170 --> 00:26:50,380 - Done. - Well, thank you. 548 00:26:51,150 --> 00:26:54,040 I wanted to be on the girls' team really badly. 549 00:26:58,405 --> 00:27:01,260 In seven series, we have never had 550 00:27:01,260 --> 00:27:04,130 a group break up during a team task. 551 00:27:04,130 --> 00:27:05,985 He didn't wanna join us! 552 00:27:05,985 --> 00:27:08,820 He named me foreman and then fucked off. 553 00:27:10,510 --> 00:27:12,840 We'd done tasks all day together by that point. 554 00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:14,720 - That was our final one... - Yep. 555 00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:17,325 and I don't know how you've been friends with him for so long. 556 00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:23,550 I didn't know, until we watched that, 557 00:27:23,550 --> 00:27:25,310 that at one point, he opened the garage, 558 00:27:25,310 --> 00:27:26,980 saw it and then did that. 559 00:27:28,530 --> 00:27:32,230 Like, that blows my mind more than anything else. 560 00:27:32,230 --> 00:27:35,510 I thought on the day, "Oh, it's bad enough that he's done that." 561 00:27:35,510 --> 00:27:37,620 And put the cardboard on and gone, "This is an extension." 562 00:27:37,620 --> 00:27:38,880 And then just kind of looked at us, 563 00:27:38,880 --> 00:27:40,400 like, "What the fuck you gonna do about that?" 564 00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:41,770 and then gone back in the house. 565 00:27:41,770 --> 00:27:44,620 I didn't know he'd also gone, "Oh, the perfect stuff!" 566 00:27:44,620 --> 00:27:46,675 And then done that shit! 567 00:27:51,505 --> 00:27:54,220 This is what Rhod did. There we go. 568 00:27:54,220 --> 00:27:56,440 I've appropriated an existing structure. 569 00:27:56,440 --> 00:27:57,650 You quite like it, I can see. 570 00:27:57,650 --> 00:27:59,020 No, no, I don't like it. 571 00:27:59,020 --> 00:28:00,800 The fact that it's an existing structure 572 00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:02,875 means that it's not an extension to my house. 573 00:28:02,875 --> 00:28:04,710 I want to set fire to it. 574 00:28:06,460 --> 00:28:08,055 This is what the little boys did. 575 00:28:08,055 --> 00:28:10,750 Wow, and now I don't know who to hate. 576 00:28:12,280 --> 00:28:14,330 OK, this is what I'm gonna do. 577 00:28:14,330 --> 00:28:17,460 - Kerry and Jess, great cooperation. - Oh, lovely. 578 00:28:17,460 --> 00:28:18,950 A wonderful final product 579 00:28:18,950 --> 00:28:22,365 and a lovely home life they've created for themselves. 580 00:28:22,365 --> 00:28:24,460 I'm gonna give them four points each. 581 00:28:24,460 --> 00:28:26,260 Four points each. Congratulations, the ladies. 582 00:28:29,030 --> 00:28:32,240 And just because I can't bear to give no points out, 583 00:28:32,240 --> 00:28:33,875 I'm gonna give Rhod... 584 00:28:33,875 --> 00:28:36,895 and the spineless Phil... 585 00:28:36,895 --> 00:28:38,510 - I was being kind! - one point each. 586 00:28:38,510 --> 00:28:40,510 - I was being kind to the elderly. - OK, one point. 587 00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:43,220 You've got to learn. 588 00:28:43,220 --> 00:28:45,420 Listen, you've got to learn. It's too late for him. 589 00:28:45,420 --> 00:28:48,440 He'll be in a home - five, six years? He'll be in a home. 590 00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:51,170 Oh, and I'm gonna build an extension on that home. 591 00:28:56,840 --> 00:28:58,765 James, I felt his pain. 592 00:28:58,765 --> 00:29:00,910 I... loved it. 593 00:29:00,910 --> 00:29:03,020 So I'm gonna give James two points. 594 00:29:03,020 --> 00:29:04,680 One point each of these, four points to these, 595 00:29:04,680 --> 00:29:05,960 and two points to James Acaster! 596 00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:09,330 What's the next task? 597 00:29:09,330 --> 00:29:12,070 It's a seasonal task. 598 00:29:24,660 --> 00:29:26,150 Oh, hi! 599 00:29:26,150 --> 00:29:27,550 Hello, Jess. 600 00:29:27,550 --> 00:29:29,495 It's a party... hat. 601 00:29:29,495 --> 00:29:32,660 Do I put that on... before I read the task? 602 00:29:32,660 --> 00:29:34,540 - Shall I? - I don't know yet. 603 00:29:34,540 --> 00:29:36,000 Hmm. 604 00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:38,175 "Make the best Christmas cracker." 605 00:29:38,175 --> 00:29:40,240 "You have ten minutes to order your materials, 606 00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:42,450 and 20 minutes to make your Christmas cracker." 607 00:29:42,450 --> 00:29:43,870 Hoo hoo hoo! 608 00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:46,060 "Your time starts now." 609 00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:49,620 OK. 610 00:29:49,620 --> 00:29:51,710 These are the bits of crap that I've received 611 00:29:51,710 --> 00:29:52,880 over the years in a cracker. 612 00:29:52,880 --> 00:29:55,420 - Tiny, tiny screwdrivers. - Mm-hm? 613 00:29:55,420 --> 00:29:56,730 Tiny tape measures. 614 00:29:56,730 --> 00:29:58,330 - Little torch. - Mm-hm. 615 00:29:58,330 --> 00:30:00,250 Just gonna shut out the voices. 616 00:30:08,205 --> 00:30:10,470 You went into a trance? 617 00:30:11,480 --> 00:30:14,725 Well, I found a technique was to just try and lock out 618 00:30:14,725 --> 00:30:16,895 some of the worst madness. 619 00:30:16,895 --> 00:30:19,480 Well, I should say, Rhod had his eyes shut for nine minutes. 620 00:30:19,480 --> 00:30:23,150 So would've... would've won the blinking task with that. 621 00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:29,550 OK, well, shall we start with Rhod and Jess's crackers together? 622 00:30:29,550 --> 00:30:30,370 Oh, no. 623 00:30:30,370 --> 00:30:31,540 - Yes. - Yes? 624 00:30:38,940 --> 00:30:41,050 It's amazing because when you see it in Greg's hand, 625 00:30:41,050 --> 00:30:42,840 it's a totally normal-sized cracker. 626 00:30:44,400 --> 00:30:45,620 Amazing. 627 00:30:45,620 --> 00:30:47,150 - OK, ready? - Yes. 628 00:30:47,150 --> 00:30:49,820 Pull the cracker. One, two three! 629 00:30:52,820 --> 00:30:54,905 Merry Christmas, Taskmaster! 630 00:30:56,315 --> 00:30:59,085 Oh, hang on a second. Bang! 631 00:30:59,085 --> 00:31:01,240 Get the presents out. 632 00:31:01,240 --> 00:31:03,070 Oh, look at that. 633 00:31:03,820 --> 00:31:05,820 Oh, wow, magical! 634 00:31:05,820 --> 00:31:07,100 There's your hat. 635 00:31:08,570 --> 00:31:12,950 Inside is a lovely vanity kit for the Taskmaster, 636 00:31:12,950 --> 00:31:16,010 including nail file, cotton buds... 637 00:31:17,950 --> 00:31:19,070 and, uh... 638 00:31:19,930 --> 00:31:21,330 little tweezers. 639 00:31:21,330 --> 00:31:23,280 There's your Christmas joke. 640 00:31:23,280 --> 00:31:25,170 You can read that. We can have a laugh. 641 00:31:25,170 --> 00:31:27,005 "What do penguins eat for Christmas dinner?" 642 00:31:27,005 --> 00:31:28,685 "Iceberg lettuce." 643 00:31:28,685 --> 00:31:32,060 "Ha ha ha! Oh, that's terrible!" 644 00:31:32,060 --> 00:31:34,120 That's what everyone does 'cause it's Christmas. 645 00:31:35,770 --> 00:31:36,750 What's that? 646 00:31:36,750 --> 00:31:41,030 Lovely made-to-measure Christmas hat for the Taskmaster. 647 00:31:42,080 --> 00:31:43,985 His head is essentially... 648 00:31:43,985 --> 00:31:47,480 the same size as one human head, plus a horse's head. 649 00:31:47,480 --> 00:31:49,210 - Yeah. - Immediately next to it. 650 00:31:50,310 --> 00:31:51,320 What's that? 651 00:31:52,770 --> 00:31:53,880 It's a credit card. 652 00:31:54,080 --> 00:31:55,260 It's my credit card. 653 00:31:55,260 --> 00:31:57,730 Oh-ho hoo hoo! 654 00:31:57,730 --> 00:31:59,380 Merry Christmas. 655 00:32:00,170 --> 00:32:02,160 Merry Christmas, Taskmaster. 656 00:32:06,570 --> 00:32:08,370 There was a sense of Christmas wonder 657 00:32:08,370 --> 00:32:10,370 on your face throughout, that I enjoyed. 658 00:32:10,370 --> 00:32:11,370 Oh, good. 659 00:32:11,370 --> 00:32:13,350 What was the credit card all about? 660 00:32:13,350 --> 00:32:15,485 I actually asked for an iPad. 661 00:32:15,485 --> 00:32:16,975 - But then... - Oh, and a puppy. 662 00:32:16,975 --> 00:32:18,860 And a puppy, um... 663 00:32:18,860 --> 00:32:20,885 You were gonna put a live puppy in it? 664 00:32:21,185 --> 00:32:23,005 Obviously live. 665 00:32:25,295 --> 00:32:26,900 Happy Christmas! 666 00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:34,640 I realised that I couldn't fit it into the tube, 667 00:32:34,640 --> 00:32:37,970 - so I stole Alex's credit card. - Right. 668 00:32:37,970 --> 00:32:40,640 Um, I think that's the nicest you've ever been to me. 669 00:32:40,640 --> 00:32:42,800 There were some genuinely nice touches in there. 670 00:32:42,800 --> 00:32:43,930 And thoughtful. 671 00:32:43,930 --> 00:32:46,100 - I loved your personal vanity kit. - Thank you. 672 00:32:46,100 --> 00:32:47,560 Then you went and ruined it. 673 00:32:47,560 --> 00:32:48,420 What? 674 00:32:48,420 --> 00:32:49,930 By suggesting that my head is the size 675 00:32:49,930 --> 00:32:52,240 of one person's normal head, plus a horse's head. 676 00:32:53,930 --> 00:32:55,920 Fine. And this, ladies and gentlemen, 677 00:32:55,920 --> 00:32:58,030 is how part three ends. 678 00:33:07,680 --> 00:33:09,095 Hello! 679 00:33:09,095 --> 00:33:11,330 It's part four, it's Taskmaster, 680 00:33:11,330 --> 00:33:13,460 and we are in the middle of a festive task. 681 00:33:13,460 --> 00:33:15,910 Yes, the best Christmas cracker, that's all they've got to make. 682 00:33:15,910 --> 00:33:17,540 Next up is Kerry. 683 00:33:17,540 --> 00:33:19,550 Yes. Yes! 684 00:33:19,550 --> 00:33:20,550 Oh. 685 00:33:22,260 --> 00:33:23,260 Right. 686 00:33:25,710 --> 00:33:27,550 - When we pull it... - Mm-hm? 687 00:33:27,550 --> 00:33:29,770 you have to let your bangers off at the same time. 688 00:33:29,770 --> 00:33:33,030 One, two, three, go! 689 00:33:42,330 --> 00:33:43,850 I'm trying to get the... 690 00:33:44,640 --> 00:33:46,150 You've gotta want it, haven't you? 691 00:33:46,150 --> 00:33:47,465 You've gotta want it. 692 00:33:47,465 --> 00:33:49,315 Eeeeee... 693 00:33:54,080 --> 00:33:56,410 Ooh... Oh! 694 00:33:57,170 --> 00:34:00,430 Yaaay! I won! 695 00:34:00,430 --> 00:34:02,165 Oooh. 696 00:34:02,165 --> 00:34:03,640 Toolbox. 697 00:34:03,640 --> 00:34:05,530 Ah, look! 698 00:34:05,530 --> 00:34:06,860 - Hat. - Yeah. 699 00:34:06,860 --> 00:34:08,330 All the prizes. 700 00:34:08,330 --> 00:34:11,510 We've got a torch, cards, keyring. 701 00:34:11,510 --> 00:34:15,030 All the crap, but not in a useless size. 702 00:34:16,620 --> 00:34:18,210 - Well done, Kerry. - Thanks. 703 00:34:20,640 --> 00:34:24,160 Er, maybe a little difficult to pull that particular cracker? 704 00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:26,950 I thought you just hadn't quite mastered the system 705 00:34:26,950 --> 00:34:28,840 to get the cracker to break. 706 00:34:28,840 --> 00:34:30,470 And then Alex leant over to me and went, 707 00:34:30,470 --> 00:34:33,080 "Just so you know, that's just a drainpipe." 708 00:34:37,550 --> 00:34:40,500 You knew it was just a drainpipe, and you still committed... 709 00:34:40,500 --> 00:34:42,310 We both thought one of us might win. 710 00:34:43,600 --> 00:34:46,220 I like the idea of upscaling the rubbish gifts 711 00:34:46,220 --> 00:34:48,170 - to full size gifts. - To normal, useful size. 712 00:34:48,170 --> 00:34:49,295 Was there a joke in there? 713 00:34:49,295 --> 00:34:51,080 - Yes, well, no. - Yes. 714 00:34:51,080 --> 00:34:53,150 We couldn't show it, 'cause she put in two pages of A4, 715 00:34:53,150 --> 00:34:54,620 which was her whole Edinburgh show. 716 00:34:56,940 --> 00:34:58,080 Who's next? 717 00:34:58,080 --> 00:35:01,810 Two former friends, Phil and James. 718 00:35:04,130 --> 00:35:05,095 Argh. 719 00:35:05,095 --> 00:35:06,095 Mmmf. 720 00:35:10,220 --> 00:35:11,795 Merry Christmas. 721 00:35:11,795 --> 00:35:13,320 And Happy New Year. 722 00:35:14,510 --> 00:35:15,660 Merry Christmas, Alex. 723 00:35:15,660 --> 00:35:17,660 Whoever wins the cracker will get this crown, 724 00:35:17,660 --> 00:35:19,750 which I think you'll find is a much higher-quality crown 725 00:35:19,750 --> 00:35:21,000 than you usually get in a cracker. 726 00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:22,295 It's not in the cracker. 727 00:35:22,295 --> 00:35:24,485 Well, it's part of the cracker set. 728 00:35:24,485 --> 00:35:26,150 - You ready? - Yes. 729 00:35:26,150 --> 00:35:27,230 Merry Christmas! 730 00:35:35,860 --> 00:35:37,485 I think I won. 731 00:35:37,485 --> 00:35:39,960 Merry Christmas! 732 00:35:44,660 --> 00:35:46,120 Can I put the crown on? 733 00:35:46,120 --> 00:35:47,775 Yeah, yeah, sorry. 734 00:35:47,775 --> 00:35:49,330 Well done. 735 00:35:49,330 --> 00:35:52,330 There's Bisto, but you just add water to that, 736 00:35:52,330 --> 00:35:54,430 and then you've got gravy as well. 737 00:35:56,060 --> 00:35:57,140 Read it. 738 00:36:01,805 --> 00:36:03,950 "Why does Santa have three gardens?" 739 00:36:03,950 --> 00:36:06,450 I don't know. Why does Santa have three gardens? 740 00:36:06,450 --> 00:36:08,000 "None of your business." 741 00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:09,585 And you wear it as a hat. 742 00:36:09,585 --> 00:36:10,550 Pardon? 743 00:36:10,550 --> 00:36:12,285 You wear this as a hat as well. 744 00:36:12,285 --> 00:36:14,405 "What is Santa's favourite number?" 745 00:36:14,405 --> 00:36:16,815 I don't know. What is Santa's favourite number? 746 00:36:16,815 --> 00:36:17,820 "Twelves." 747 00:36:17,820 --> 00:36:19,130 - Twelves. - "Twelves"? 748 00:36:19,130 --> 00:36:21,080 - Twelves, 'cause it's elves in it. - Yeah. 749 00:36:21,080 --> 00:36:22,820 So when people say, "What's your favourite number?" 750 00:36:22,820 --> 00:36:24,380 Santa, he says, "Twelves." 751 00:36:25,820 --> 00:36:27,480 Yeah. Just put it on your head. 752 00:36:27,480 --> 00:36:29,480 There you go. 753 00:36:29,480 --> 00:36:31,415 - Yeah. - The gravy makes it stick. 754 00:36:38,110 --> 00:36:40,040 They both went down a very similar route here. 755 00:36:40,040 --> 00:36:41,110 A full Christmas. 756 00:36:41,110 --> 00:36:42,680 A just-add-water Christmas dinner. 757 00:36:42,680 --> 00:36:44,610 - Yeah. - No water needed for mine. 758 00:36:45,330 --> 00:36:47,400 No, and a full bottle of wine, 759 00:36:47,400 --> 00:36:49,750 which is... incredible. 760 00:36:49,750 --> 00:36:51,310 My one came with a fork and knife, 761 00:36:51,310 --> 00:36:53,850 so mine you could take outside into the woods. 762 00:36:54,840 --> 00:36:57,670 - If you wanted to. - Where we all love to spend Christmas. 763 00:36:58,400 --> 00:37:00,080 - Out in the woods. - In the woods. 764 00:37:00,080 --> 00:37:02,100 It's one of Santa's gardens. 765 00:37:03,280 --> 00:37:04,720 So, I'm gonna tell you this. 766 00:37:04,720 --> 00:37:06,820 I like providing a whole Christmas, 767 00:37:06,820 --> 00:37:10,075 but I don't like it thrown all over the floor. 768 00:37:10,075 --> 00:37:12,820 So I'm gonna give Phil Wang five points. 769 00:37:12,820 --> 00:37:14,310 Holy shit! 770 00:37:19,515 --> 00:37:21,620 Everyone else's, very festive. 771 00:37:21,620 --> 00:37:22,970 Lots to commend all of them. 772 00:37:22,970 --> 00:37:24,750 I'm gonna give them all three points. 773 00:37:24,750 --> 00:37:26,260 OK. Three, three, three, five, three. 774 00:37:26,260 --> 00:37:28,220 There we go. Phil Wang wins the task. 775 00:37:28,220 --> 00:37:29,840 OK. 776 00:37:29,840 --> 00:37:31,970 Right. Everyone on that side of the room, 777 00:37:31,970 --> 00:37:33,710 please stand up and move yourselves to the stage 778 00:37:33,710 --> 00:37:35,810 for the final task of the show! 779 00:37:44,400 --> 00:37:45,880 Who's going to read the task out? 780 00:37:45,880 --> 00:37:48,160 Kerry Godliman is gonna read the task out. 781 00:37:49,480 --> 00:37:55,470 "Walk over and hit that drum in exactly 9.58 seconds." 782 00:37:56,880 --> 00:37:59,530 "Also, there are two bonus points for the person with 783 00:37:59,530 --> 00:38:03,100 the most magnificent walk." 784 00:38:04,800 --> 00:38:07,860 The four who are not walking are gonna be blindfolded, 785 00:38:07,860 --> 00:38:10,660 in case they get hints on what is most magnificent. 786 00:38:10,660 --> 00:38:12,620 James, you're first. We're going left to right. 787 00:38:12,620 --> 00:38:14,310 - Not me first. - Come on, James. 788 00:38:14,310 --> 00:38:15,800 Does anyone have any questions? 789 00:38:15,800 --> 00:38:18,620 Um, what happens if we fall off the stage? 790 00:38:18,620 --> 00:38:19,820 Oh, you don't need to walk blindfolded. 791 00:38:19,820 --> 00:38:21,150 You should be alright. 792 00:38:24,930 --> 00:38:26,655 That's what I thought! 793 00:38:26,655 --> 00:38:28,400 OK, Greg, are you ready for the first walk? 794 00:38:28,400 --> 00:38:31,080 I'm ready for the first walk in 9.58 seconds. 795 00:38:31,080 --> 00:38:32,085 On my whistle. 796 00:38:32,085 --> 00:38:33,500 Here we go. 797 00:38:48,720 --> 00:38:49,930 I mean, hand on heart, 798 00:38:49,930 --> 00:38:52,030 that is not far away from your normal walk. 799 00:38:54,295 --> 00:38:57,685 Next to walk is Jessica Knappett. Good luck, Jess. 800 00:39:06,310 --> 00:39:08,230 Whoa. 801 00:39:12,350 --> 00:39:13,550 Shit. 802 00:39:14,280 --> 00:39:15,940 - Are you alright? - I am fine! 803 00:39:18,240 --> 00:39:19,220 Are you alright? 804 00:39:19,220 --> 00:39:20,450 What's happened? 805 00:39:25,540 --> 00:39:27,075 Are you alright? 806 00:39:27,075 --> 00:39:29,495 I feel fine and I think it was worth it. 807 00:39:34,440 --> 00:39:36,180 Please tell me you fell off. 808 00:39:37,440 --> 00:39:39,805 She has set the bar pretty high. 809 00:39:41,840 --> 00:39:43,440 Kerry Godliman, please remove your blindfold. 810 00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:45,240 Unless you're gonna set yourself on fire, 811 00:39:45,240 --> 00:39:47,060 you're not gonna win, I'll tell you that much. 812 00:39:47,060 --> 00:39:49,025 Please walk on the whistle. 813 00:39:49,930 --> 00:39:53,040 One! Two! Three! Four! Five! 814 00:39:53,040 --> 00:39:56,080 Six! Seven! Eight! Niii-- 815 00:39:56,080 --> 00:39:57,260 Nine! 816 00:40:02,030 --> 00:40:03,550 Wow. 817 00:40:03,550 --> 00:40:06,110 What a horrible character. 818 00:40:07,855 --> 00:40:10,420 Phil Wang. Please walk on the whistle. 819 00:40:22,510 --> 00:40:23,900 Welcome, Rhod. 820 00:40:25,370 --> 00:40:27,255 - OK. - I need you for this. 821 00:40:27,255 --> 00:40:29,530 I will do whatever you say, if you could start on the mark. 822 00:40:29,530 --> 00:40:31,480 - You're gonna walk me down the... - Am I? 823 00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:33,210 Ah, it's nice to know that Jess isn't the only one 824 00:40:33,210 --> 00:40:34,260 who's gonna get hurt. 825 00:40:54,985 --> 00:40:58,410 Come down here and we'll add those to the final scores! 826 00:41:06,400 --> 00:41:07,400 Well... 827 00:41:08,150 --> 00:41:10,550 that was eventful. 828 00:41:12,510 --> 00:41:15,010 If I don't win this task now... 829 00:41:15,010 --> 00:41:16,715 you are dead inside. 830 00:41:16,915 --> 00:41:18,250 I mean... 831 00:41:20,600 --> 00:41:23,130 Ladies and gentlemen, two points for the most magnificent walk. 832 00:41:28,170 --> 00:41:30,200 Now let's hear about the timings. 833 00:41:30,200 --> 00:41:32,580 Yeah. It is less good news for Jess, in terms of... 834 00:41:33,710 --> 00:41:35,920 who was closest to 9.58 seconds. 835 00:41:35,920 --> 00:41:40,240 Jess struck the drum after 27.20 seconds. 836 00:41:40,240 --> 00:41:43,370 - In fourth place... - Yeah. 837 00:41:43,370 --> 00:41:48,620 gaining two points, he struck the drum after 6.1 seconds, 838 00:41:48,620 --> 00:41:51,330 3.48 seconds out. That's Phil Wang. 839 00:41:51,330 --> 00:41:52,280 Ahh. 840 00:41:52,280 --> 00:41:54,080 Two points. 841 00:41:54,080 --> 00:41:56,795 Very close to that, in third place, 842 00:41:56,795 --> 00:41:59,550 6.15 seconds was Kerry Godliman. 843 00:41:59,550 --> 00:42:01,760 - She gets three points. - Despite my counting! 844 00:42:01,760 --> 00:42:03,570 At exactly - this is amazing - 845 00:42:03,570 --> 00:42:06,540 exactly 11.18 seconds, 846 00:42:06,540 --> 00:42:09,320 James Acaster in second place. Four points. 847 00:42:09,950 --> 00:42:12,240 Rhod Gilbert, walking on his hands, 848 00:42:12,240 --> 00:42:14,680 struck it in 9 seconds and wins five points! 849 00:42:18,465 --> 00:42:19,950 - Blimey. - Yes, blimey. 850 00:42:19,950 --> 00:42:21,720 'Cause it means now, in the series scoreboard, 851 00:42:21,720 --> 00:42:23,800 Phil Wang has hit 100 points! 852 00:42:27,965 --> 00:42:30,530 We then have James on 116, 853 00:42:30,530 --> 00:42:32,260 Rhod and Kerry both on 124, 854 00:42:32,260 --> 00:42:34,395 but the hero, Jess, is on 127! 855 00:42:38,110 --> 00:42:39,770 But today's episode - do you wanna hear who won? 856 00:42:39,770 --> 00:42:40,780 Yeeah. 857 00:42:41,680 --> 00:42:43,420 It was not tight at the end. 858 00:42:43,420 --> 00:42:45,950 Our runaway leader with 21 points is Mr Rhod Gilbert! 859 00:42:50,080 --> 00:42:52,200 Please go and collect your exciting things 860 00:42:52,200 --> 00:42:54,800 beginning with the letter G. Rhod Gilbert! 861 00:42:58,210 --> 00:42:59,730 So what have we learnt today? 862 00:42:59,730 --> 00:43:02,130 We've learnt that whatever has happened at work, 863 00:43:02,130 --> 00:43:03,970 you might've had an argument with your boss, 864 00:43:03,970 --> 00:43:06,350 you might've fallen off a stage, 865 00:43:06,350 --> 00:43:08,400 but at least none of you have felt 866 00:43:08,400 --> 00:43:11,130 anywhere near as angry as this. 867 00:43:14,860 --> 00:43:16,840 And Rhod Gilbert won, of course. 868 00:43:16,840 --> 00:43:19,040 Sensational skills, a triumph of humanity. 869 00:43:19,040 --> 00:43:20,440 Episode eight next. 870 00:43:20,440 --> 00:43:22,200 Have a nice little rest and we'll see you there. 871 00:43:22,200 --> 00:43:23,200 Bye!