1 00:00:34,370 --> 00:00:35,985 Hello! 2 00:00:35,985 --> 00:00:37,510 How are you? 3 00:00:37,510 --> 00:00:38,550 I'm fine, thanks. 4 00:00:38,550 --> 00:00:39,670 You're looking well. 5 00:00:39,670 --> 00:00:41,820 I'm Greg Davies and this is Taskmaster. 6 00:00:41,820 --> 00:00:43,460 There are five comedians hungry 7 00:00:43,460 --> 00:00:45,480 to stoke the fire of this competition 8 00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:47,280 and commence battle immediately. 9 00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:48,550 So who am I to stop them? 10 00:00:48,550 --> 00:00:50,130 I'm the Taskmaster. That's who. 11 00:00:50,130 --> 00:00:52,400 But I'm also just a regular nice guy. 12 00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:55,140 So, here they are. Your five fearless fighters. 13 00:00:55,140 --> 00:00:57,070 James Acaster! 14 00:00:57,950 --> 00:00:59,560 Jessica Knappett! 15 00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:02,270 Kerry Godliman! 16 00:01:03,040 --> 00:01:04,940 Phil Wang! 17 00:01:04,940 --> 00:01:07,025 And Rhod Gilbert! 18 00:01:07,025 --> 00:01:09,460 [cheers and applause] 19 00:01:09,460 --> 00:01:12,930 And still very much keeping the dream alive 20 00:01:12,930 --> 00:01:14,740 that he might be a late bloomer... 21 00:01:15,730 --> 00:01:18,280 [high-pitched] It's little Alex Horne! 22 00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:20,775 [cheers and applause] 23 00:01:20,775 --> 00:01:22,715 I can get on here by myself. 24 00:01:22,715 --> 00:01:23,960 I can. 25 00:01:24,510 --> 00:01:26,715 You look a little sheepish tonight. 26 00:01:26,715 --> 00:01:28,020 I'm not comfortable. 27 00:01:28,020 --> 00:01:29,710 Yes, you're not comfortable. 28 00:01:29,710 --> 00:01:31,940 Because you're being punished for the last episode. 29 00:01:32,850 --> 00:01:34,100 Can I tell them what you've done? 30 00:01:34,100 --> 00:01:35,860 No, you can't. They'll find out soon enough. 31 00:01:35,860 --> 00:01:36,970 - It's horrible. - Good. 32 00:01:36,970 --> 00:01:38,220 Let's start the competition. 33 00:01:38,220 --> 00:01:40,115 [laughter] 34 00:01:40,115 --> 00:01:42,205 - Prize task? - Yep. 35 00:01:42,205 --> 00:01:43,240 Prize task, OK. 36 00:01:43,240 --> 00:01:46,025 And kindly suggested by Greg, in honour of me, you said, 37 00:01:46,025 --> 00:01:48,370 me, Mr Alex Horne, today's prize category is 38 00:01:48,370 --> 00:01:51,370 - the creepiest thing. - [laughter] 39 00:01:51,370 --> 00:01:53,370 You're gonna award the owner of the creepiest thing 40 00:01:53,370 --> 00:01:55,860 five enormous points, and at the end of this very show, 41 00:01:55,860 --> 00:01:58,910 the overall winner will get to take home all five creepy things. 42 00:01:58,910 --> 00:02:00,420 Right, James Acaster. 43 00:02:00,420 --> 00:02:02,150 I imagine you've brought in a really creepy thing. 44 00:02:02,150 --> 00:02:05,150 I come from a town called Kettering in Northamptonshire. 45 00:02:05,150 --> 00:02:08,360 In Kettering, there is a museum called the Manor House Museum. 46 00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:11,455 And the main attraction in the Manor House Museum 47 00:02:11,455 --> 00:02:13,265 is a mummified cat. 48 00:02:13,265 --> 00:02:14,630 Alex, please. 49 00:02:15,370 --> 00:02:17,020 Here's the mummified cat. 50 00:02:17,020 --> 00:02:19,175 [everyone gasps] 51 00:02:19,175 --> 00:02:20,795 [Jess] God! 52 00:02:20,795 --> 00:02:23,380 Oh my God. 53 00:02:24,550 --> 00:02:27,220 It is a mummified cat that was found in a wall 54 00:02:27,220 --> 00:02:28,680 in a building in Kettering. 55 00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:32,280 In the past, it was good luck to keep a cat in the walls. 56 00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:33,430 A live one? 57 00:02:33,430 --> 00:02:35,370 Actually, that wasn't specified. 58 00:02:35,370 --> 00:02:36,970 [laughter] 59 00:02:36,970 --> 00:02:39,220 A really strong start. 60 00:02:39,220 --> 00:02:41,440 - It's creepy, and... - Creepy. 61 00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:44,470 and it's the first thing ever that's made me want to visit Kettering. 62 00:02:45,260 --> 00:02:47,150 Kerry, what's the creepy thing you've brought in? 63 00:02:47,150 --> 00:02:50,800 This is a thing that a man was wearing on a train 64 00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:52,640 sat opposite me, 65 00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:56,885 and he maintained eye contact with me with four Tube stops. 66 00:02:56,885 --> 00:02:58,280 - Long time. - Yeah. 67 00:02:58,280 --> 00:02:59,920 [Alex] It was this t-shirt here. 68 00:03:00,820 --> 00:03:04,850 [everyone groans] 69 00:03:05,050 --> 00:03:07,710 Is it the lack of apostrophe you object to? 70 00:03:07,910 --> 00:03:11,630 [laughter and applause] 71 00:03:12,530 --> 00:03:14,860 - Really creepy. - Jesus Christ. 72 00:03:14,860 --> 00:03:17,040 I just can't imagine it ever working. 73 00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:19,310 - As in, "OK, go on then." - [Alex laughs] 74 00:03:19,310 --> 00:03:22,580 "Off we go. Get the stirrups. I'm game!" 75 00:03:23,880 --> 00:03:25,620 Phil, what creepy thing did you bring in? 76 00:03:25,620 --> 00:03:28,770 So, um, my creepiest thing is a... 77 00:03:28,770 --> 00:03:32,660 finger portrait of myself that I was given by someone 78 00:03:32,660 --> 00:03:33,930 who came to one of my shows. 79 00:03:33,930 --> 00:03:35,210 Here is the painting. 80 00:03:36,110 --> 00:03:38,185 - [James] Oh. - It's quite good. 81 00:03:38,185 --> 00:03:41,310 - [laughter] - [James] That's amazing, Phil. 82 00:03:41,310 --> 00:03:44,040 Well, it was in Newcastle, 83 00:03:44,040 --> 00:03:47,010 which is creepy, oo-ooh. 84 00:03:47,010 --> 00:03:49,895 What happened to the old castle? 85 00:03:49,895 --> 00:03:55,160 [laughter and applause] 86 00:03:56,910 --> 00:04:00,860 I'll give you, it is a good picture, objectively speaking, 87 00:04:00,860 --> 00:04:03,110 but it's the idea of him sitting on his own, 88 00:04:03,110 --> 00:04:06,085 and just stroking the contours of my face, 89 00:04:06,085 --> 00:04:08,150 around the jaw and over the lips, 90 00:04:08,150 --> 00:04:10,220 and just going, "Here you are, Phil." 91 00:04:10,220 --> 00:04:11,720 It's not very creepy. I think it's nice. 92 00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:13,220 - It's a lovely picture. - Ugh! 93 00:04:13,220 --> 00:04:14,530 Would you like to see Jessica Knappett? 94 00:04:14,530 --> 00:04:15,575 Jessica Knappett. 95 00:04:15,575 --> 00:04:20,800 It's quite simply my collection of Victorian Christmas cards. 96 00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:22,460 Here they are. The Victorian Christmas cards. 97 00:04:22,460 --> 00:04:23,730 Doesn't sound creepy. 98 00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:26,510 [laughter] 99 00:04:26,510 --> 00:04:28,180 [Greg] These are Christmas cards? 100 00:04:28,180 --> 00:04:31,550 Yes. Right, so, top left. Dead robin. 101 00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:35,760 Uh, frog shagging a beetle. 102 00:04:36,820 --> 00:04:39,420 ♪ Oh, ding dong merrily on DEAD FROG ♪ 103 00:04:39,420 --> 00:04:41,295 ♪ With a DAGGER ♪ 104 00:04:41,295 --> 00:04:43,030 - [Alex] Creepy? - Pretty creepy stuff. 105 00:04:43,030 --> 00:04:45,640 Pretty creepy. I mean, it's not a cat in a wall, I'll give you that. 106 00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:46,970 No. One left. 107 00:04:46,970 --> 00:04:48,400 - Oh, no. - What? 108 00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:50,770 Every single one of the prize tasks for this whole series... 109 00:04:50,770 --> 00:04:51,820 [Rhod] Oh, that. 110 00:04:51,820 --> 00:04:54,530 It has essentially been a picture of me looking fat. 111 00:04:54,530 --> 00:04:56,130 [laughter] 112 00:04:56,130 --> 00:04:58,870 So given the title "creepiest thing"... 113 00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:04,170 Well, this is a rare occasion where I'm not entering that picture of you. 114 00:05:04,170 --> 00:05:05,480 It's not a picture of me at all? 115 00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:07,730 It's not a picture of you at all. It is a short film. 116 00:05:07,730 --> 00:05:09,620 [laughter] 117 00:05:09,620 --> 00:05:11,200 [Alex] Would you like to see the film? 118 00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:13,050 Ugh, yeah... 119 00:05:13,150 --> 00:05:15,210 [laughter] 120 00:05:29,770 --> 00:05:37,770 [laughter and applause] 121 00:05:41,510 --> 00:05:43,640 - Wow. - Wow. 122 00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:45,115 [James] Wow. 123 00:05:45,115 --> 00:05:47,760 It's actually made me feel dirty. 124 00:05:48,310 --> 00:05:49,620 I saw you out! 125 00:05:49,620 --> 00:05:51,120 - [Alex] Did you check? - No, you didn't. 126 00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:52,560 Fucking hell. 127 00:05:53,420 --> 00:05:55,875 The audio on it's quite nice. There's one point where you go, 128 00:05:55,875 --> 00:05:57,040 "Pth pth pth pth." 129 00:05:57,340 --> 00:06:02,115 [laughter] 130 00:06:02,115 --> 00:06:03,310 - Ready? - Yes. 131 00:06:03,310 --> 00:06:05,100 Um, least creepy, I mean... 132 00:06:05,100 --> 00:06:07,170 It's a perfectly nice picture of Phil. 133 00:06:07,170 --> 00:06:09,680 - I should have a creepier face. - [Alex] One point to Phil Wang. 134 00:06:09,680 --> 00:06:12,200 Just because they're cards and I could just turn them over, 135 00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:13,840 I'm gonna give Jess two points. 136 00:06:13,840 --> 00:06:16,240 [Alex] Two points, OK, in fourth place. 137 00:06:16,240 --> 00:06:18,710 I'm gonna jump James up. I'm gonna give him four points, 138 00:06:18,710 --> 00:06:21,020 - 'cause that is a creepy cat. - [Alex] Yes. 139 00:06:21,020 --> 00:06:24,150 And good luck to Kettering. If that's the best you've got, Jesus Christ. 140 00:06:24,150 --> 00:06:26,460 Let's just turn Kettering into a car park. 141 00:06:26,460 --> 00:06:29,330 OK. One to Phil, two to Jess, four to James. 142 00:06:29,330 --> 00:06:31,770 I mean, without question, the creepiest thing for me 143 00:06:31,770 --> 00:06:33,440 is that this idiot has hid in my... 144 00:06:33,440 --> 00:06:36,040 - [laughter] - has hid in my wardrobe. 145 00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:39,110 But a t-shirt that creepy can't go unpunished. 146 00:06:39,110 --> 00:06:40,680 I'm gonna give them five points each. 147 00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:42,660 Both get five points. Kerry and Rhod. 148 00:06:42,660 --> 00:06:45,175 - [cheers and applause] - [Alex] Fair enough. 149 00:06:45,175 --> 00:06:48,850 Creeps! What task have we got next, Alex? 150 00:06:48,850 --> 00:06:51,250 Well, if you go down to the woods today... 151 00:06:51,250 --> 00:06:52,560 Let's see. 152 00:07:04,260 --> 00:07:05,870 - [Alex] Hello, Rhod. - Hiya. 153 00:07:06,460 --> 00:07:07,660 [Alex] Hi, James. 154 00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:11,260 Eurgh! 155 00:07:11,260 --> 00:07:12,815 I'm scared! 156 00:07:13,015 --> 00:07:15,680 - What is this place? - [Alex] It's a grotto. 157 00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:19,170 - [Alex] What do you think a grotto is? - It's where Santa is, isn't it? 158 00:07:19,170 --> 00:07:20,730 I don't think Santa would come here. 159 00:07:20,730 --> 00:07:23,120 - Where's the task, Alex? - It's on its way. 160 00:07:26,120 --> 00:07:27,660 [laughter] 161 00:07:27,860 --> 00:07:29,180 Right. 162 00:07:30,910 --> 00:07:35,350 "Poke something out of the hole in the roof of this grotto." 163 00:07:35,350 --> 00:07:37,830 "Least expected thing poked through wins." 164 00:07:38,710 --> 00:07:42,080 "You have 20 minutes. Your time starts now." 165 00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:44,030 Poke something out of the hole. 166 00:07:44,740 --> 00:07:46,900 There won't be a pound shop nearby, is there? 167 00:07:46,900 --> 00:07:48,485 Are you on Amazon Prime? 168 00:07:48,485 --> 00:07:50,095 Haven't got my phone. 169 00:07:50,095 --> 00:07:54,000 [applause] 170 00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:55,280 Who are we gonna see first? 171 00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:56,610 Well, first we're gonna see a man 172 00:07:56,610 --> 00:07:58,410 who will very soon go by the nickname... 173 00:07:58,410 --> 00:07:59,480 J-Caster. 174 00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:01,830 It's J-Caster. Here we go. 175 00:08:02,130 --> 00:08:04,230 Poke something through the hole in the grotto. 176 00:08:08,220 --> 00:08:10,605 Right. I know what it's gonna be. 177 00:08:10,605 --> 00:08:11,830 [Alex] OK. 178 00:08:11,830 --> 00:08:14,040 But these guys have to stop filming me. 179 00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:15,800 Do you want me to call the cameras off? 180 00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:18,550 All the cameras off. This is gonna be unexpected. 181 00:08:18,550 --> 00:08:20,200 [laughter] 182 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:21,200 Fun's over! 183 00:08:22,550 --> 00:08:24,050 Right, I'm ready! 184 00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:26,440 The cameras are back on, James. 185 00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:27,895 Filming's back on! 186 00:08:27,895 --> 00:08:29,530 This is genius. 187 00:08:29,530 --> 00:08:32,130 Only advice I can give the Taskmaster for this one... 188 00:08:32,130 --> 00:08:35,780 Expect the unexpected, babay. Can you tell him that? 189 00:08:35,780 --> 00:08:37,600 You want me to tell him to expect the unexpected? 190 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:38,660 "Babay." 191 00:08:38,860 --> 00:08:41,170 [James] OK, here it comes! 192 00:08:43,820 --> 00:08:46,430 [laughter] 193 00:08:46,830 --> 00:08:49,515 [applause] 194 00:08:49,515 --> 00:08:52,240 [James] ♪ Pants on a stick, oh-oh ♪ 195 00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:53,540 ♪ Pants on a stick ♪ 196 00:08:53,540 --> 00:08:55,150 Do you get extra points for a song? 197 00:08:55,150 --> 00:08:55,950 Nope. 198 00:08:55,950 --> 00:08:57,450 Well, that was a waste of time. 199 00:08:57,650 --> 00:09:03,185 [applause] 200 00:09:03,185 --> 00:09:05,330 I wasn't expecting that beautiful song. 201 00:09:05,330 --> 00:09:09,930 I'll be honest, as soon as I was holding my pants on a stick, 202 00:09:09,930 --> 00:09:12,510 - I genuinely went crazy. - [Alex] Yeah. 203 00:09:12,510 --> 00:09:14,970 Do you wanna give us a bit more of "Pants on a Stick"? 204 00:09:14,970 --> 00:09:16,570 ♪ Pants on a stiiick ♪ 205 00:09:16,570 --> 00:09:18,680 ♪ Waving from side to side ♪ 206 00:09:18,680 --> 00:09:20,260 ♪ My pants on a stick ♪ 207 00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:22,870 ♪ Whose pants? My pants? Your pants? No, no ♪ 208 00:09:23,770 --> 00:09:24,770 [Alex] Nice song. 209 00:09:24,770 --> 00:09:27,150 [cheers and applause] 210 00:09:27,150 --> 00:09:29,170 Well, good. We're off to a start. 211 00:09:29,170 --> 00:09:30,620 - OK. - Who's next? 212 00:09:30,620 --> 00:09:33,440 We're now gonna see a Godliman-Wang combo, at last. 213 00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:34,720 Kerry and Phil. 214 00:09:40,170 --> 00:09:41,430 OK, that's... 215 00:09:45,260 --> 00:09:48,250 If I can get something on the end of that stick, we're in business. 216 00:09:53,950 --> 00:09:56,020 Everything here is expected. 217 00:09:56,020 --> 00:09:58,620 It's nature, innit? It's all... you know. 218 00:09:58,620 --> 00:10:00,850 There isn't gonna be a hamburger or something. 219 00:10:06,350 --> 00:10:08,265 [laughter] 220 00:10:08,265 --> 00:10:09,360 Right. 221 00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:15,940 Right. You ready? 222 00:10:17,850 --> 00:10:19,015 Oh! 223 00:10:19,215 --> 00:10:21,630 OK, Alex. Here it comes. 224 00:10:27,280 --> 00:10:30,020 - Can you see that? - Yeah, I can see it. 225 00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:32,480 [Phil] What do you reckon? 226 00:10:33,930 --> 00:10:35,275 I'm worried about you. 227 00:10:35,475 --> 00:10:37,295 [laughter] 228 00:10:37,295 --> 00:10:38,980 - Thank you, Kerry. - OK. 229 00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:44,210 I- I might need help with the zip, Alex. 230 00:10:45,730 --> 00:10:46,985 Sure, yeah. 231 00:10:47,285 --> 00:10:49,730 [laughter] 232 00:10:49,730 --> 00:10:50,750 OK. 233 00:10:50,750 --> 00:10:52,640 - Thank you. - Goodbye. 234 00:10:52,640 --> 00:10:54,350 Thank you. Bye, Alex. 235 00:10:54,350 --> 00:10:57,480 [applause] 236 00:10:57,480 --> 00:10:58,860 You're right, I was not expecting 237 00:10:58,860 --> 00:11:00,660 to see your bra on the end of a beanpole. 238 00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:01,860 Pleased with yourself? 239 00:11:02,530 --> 00:11:03,530 Yeah. 240 00:11:04,420 --> 00:11:06,510 Kerry's was the only one, I didn't know what was going on. 241 00:11:06,510 --> 00:11:07,950 So I was genuinely surprised 242 00:11:07,950 --> 00:11:09,310 - when a bra came up-- - Why? 243 00:11:09,310 --> 00:11:11,280 Because, well, she went into the woods, 244 00:11:11,280 --> 00:11:13,640 hid in a bush and took her bra off, and then came back. 245 00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:15,170 - Whereas the other two-- - They did it on camera. 246 00:11:15,170 --> 00:11:16,860 I'm quite glad I didn't do it on camera. 247 00:11:16,860 --> 00:11:17,620 Yeah. 248 00:11:17,620 --> 00:11:19,880 - Like I went away privately. - [Greg] You've got a bit of class. 249 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,700 Yeah, classy little... 250 00:11:22,730 --> 00:11:25,420 I didn't think Alex had a live feed, like a pervert. 251 00:11:25,420 --> 00:11:27,875 Well, there was a big hole in the roof. 252 00:11:27,875 --> 00:11:32,295 [laughter and applause] 253 00:11:32,295 --> 00:11:36,350 I was not wholly surprised by your approach, Phil, 254 00:11:36,350 --> 00:11:38,330 because I have decided that 255 00:11:38,330 --> 00:11:40,040 the only reason you've come into this series 256 00:11:40,040 --> 00:11:43,305 is to show as much of your genitals as you possibly can. 257 00:11:43,305 --> 00:11:45,330 We had a very tender moment when I zipped you up. 258 00:11:45,330 --> 00:11:47,440 - Ooh, lovely. - I blew on his neck. 259 00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:48,610 Yeah? 260 00:11:48,610 --> 00:11:50,900 - [Greg] Aww. - Creepy. 261 00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:53,170 - Why don't you...? - What? 262 00:11:53,170 --> 00:11:55,330 Why don't you go over and relive old times, 263 00:11:55,330 --> 00:11:57,350 - have a little hug with Phil? - Can I? 264 00:11:57,350 --> 00:12:00,020 You say I don't give you moments to yourself. 265 00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:02,060 Go and give Phil a hug and remember it, if you like. 266 00:12:02,060 --> 00:12:03,850 Oh, thanks, mate! 267 00:12:04,570 --> 00:12:05,665 Sit down! 268 00:12:05,665 --> 00:12:11,230 [laughter and applause] 269 00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:17,140 I told you! You do things when I tell you! 270 00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:21,170 [laughter] 271 00:12:21,170 --> 00:12:23,620 That's it. Enough. I've had enough of part one. 272 00:12:23,620 --> 00:12:24,880 I can't stand it any more. 273 00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:26,440 Come back when you're part two, 274 00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:28,210 or don't come back at all! 275 00:12:38,170 --> 00:12:39,680 Hi, everyone. Hello. 276 00:12:39,680 --> 00:12:41,240 Welcome back to Taskmaster, 277 00:12:41,240 --> 00:12:43,770 where I'm going to instantly palm you off on Alex Horne, 278 00:12:43,770 --> 00:12:45,660 so that he can deal with the detail. 279 00:12:45,660 --> 00:12:47,330 Thank you, Greg. Detail is my middle name, 280 00:12:47,330 --> 00:12:48,970 and my closest friend. 281 00:12:48,970 --> 00:12:51,570 Before the break, our competitors were challenged 282 00:12:51,570 --> 00:12:54,730 to the stick the most unexpected thing through a hole in a grotto's roof. 283 00:12:54,730 --> 00:12:57,480 Last up are Rhod and Jess. 284 00:12:57,480 --> 00:13:00,360 Gilbert and Knappett. It's poking time again. 285 00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:03,660 I'm gonna go and try and find something more unexpected. 286 00:13:03,660 --> 00:13:05,360 Let's just see. 287 00:13:08,350 --> 00:13:10,675 [he grunts] 288 00:13:10,675 --> 00:13:12,740 Got that down there, don't know what to do with it. 289 00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:17,150 It's a nice grotto, isn't it, Alex? 290 00:13:17,150 --> 00:13:18,150 Thank you. 291 00:13:22,330 --> 00:13:24,850 OK, can you come down and join me in the grotto, please? 292 00:13:24,850 --> 00:13:25,850 [Alex] OK. 293 00:13:25,850 --> 00:13:27,940 - Can you see that? - Yes. 294 00:13:27,940 --> 00:13:30,020 The position you'll be adopting is if you lean forward... 295 00:13:30,020 --> 00:13:32,965 So there, that's it. You can sit back into the ladder a little. 296 00:13:32,965 --> 00:13:35,130 I think this is gonna be quite good. 297 00:13:35,130 --> 00:13:36,750 So you undo your belt... 298 00:13:36,750 --> 00:13:39,250 and then just pop your trousers down. 299 00:13:39,250 --> 00:13:41,040 I might need you to pull the trousers down, 300 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:42,370 so I can hold on to something. 301 00:13:42,370 --> 00:13:43,905 I've heard that before. 302 00:13:43,905 --> 00:13:45,730 You can't pull your own trousers down? 303 00:13:45,730 --> 00:13:49,880 [Jess] Unexpected item appearing now! 304 00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:51,820 Look! 305 00:13:51,820 --> 00:13:54,370 It's... [she laughs] 306 00:13:54,370 --> 00:13:57,580 - It's on fire, Jess. - It's a fire! 307 00:13:57,580 --> 00:13:59,360 Please don't set fire to the tree. 308 00:14:01,020 --> 00:14:03,570 Some classical music would be nice. 309 00:14:03,570 --> 00:14:06,910 - [Rhod] OK, what would you like? - [Alex] Vivaldi? 310 00:14:06,910 --> 00:14:09,530 OK, bend right down. Head right down, Alex, please. 311 00:14:09,530 --> 00:14:12,400 - I don't wanna open up. - [Rhod laughs] OK. 312 00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:14,570 - You've got 30 seconds, Rhod. - OK. 313 00:14:14,770 --> 00:14:16,280 Oh! 314 00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:24,270 - [laughter and applause] - [Vivaldi's "Gloria" plays] 315 00:14:25,110 --> 00:14:26,230 Ugh! 316 00:14:30,570 --> 00:14:32,550 - Hmm. - OK, I've run out of water. 317 00:14:32,550 --> 00:14:36,975 So that is the water feature closed for today, kids. 318 00:14:36,975 --> 00:14:37,975 [blows whistle] 319 00:14:37,975 --> 00:14:40,075 - That's your time up, Rhod. - OK. 320 00:14:40,075 --> 00:14:43,080 [cheers and applause] 321 00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:45,710 Everyone's... wow, Rhod. 322 00:14:45,710 --> 00:14:48,150 I mean, I feel sorry for Jess, 323 00:14:48,150 --> 00:14:51,110 because I genuinely wasn't expecting fire to come out of the hole. 324 00:14:51,110 --> 00:14:52,885 - Yeah. - And then... 325 00:14:53,085 --> 00:14:55,455 [laughter] 326 00:14:55,455 --> 00:15:00,130 Well, you can't compete with Alex's arse, can you? 327 00:15:00,130 --> 00:15:02,680 - It's been said before. - It wasn't just Alex's arse, was it? 328 00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:05,675 As grotesque and unexpected as that was. 329 00:15:05,675 --> 00:15:08,600 But it's also the fact that he then said, 330 00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:11,795 "That's the water featured closed, kids." 331 00:15:11,795 --> 00:15:16,085 [laughter] 332 00:15:16,085 --> 00:15:17,885 That was unexpected. 333 00:15:17,885 --> 00:15:19,640 - Well, you know... - Do you wanna judge it? 334 00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:21,050 - Yeah, I'm gonna judge it. - OK. 335 00:15:21,050 --> 00:15:23,625 I'm gonna give two points, straight in at two, 336 00:15:23,625 --> 00:15:26,840 to Kerry, James and Phil, 'cause I think I kind of guessed 337 00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:28,420 there was gonna be an item of clothing 338 00:15:28,420 --> 00:15:30,000 coming through the roof of the grotto. 339 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:32,930 OK, so the bra, pants and yellow jumpsuit all get two points. 340 00:15:32,930 --> 00:15:34,025 - Correct. - OK. 341 00:15:34,025 --> 00:15:36,660 Jess, the element of fire, I wasn't expecting. 342 00:15:36,660 --> 00:15:38,280 - Great. - Four points. 343 00:15:38,280 --> 00:15:40,260 Second place, Jess Knappett. 344 00:15:41,420 --> 00:15:46,120 And five points, and up to £20,000 of my own money for counselling, 345 00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:47,510 Rhod Gilbert! 346 00:15:47,510 --> 00:15:50,440 - [cheers and applause] - [Alex] Rhod wins the task. OK. 347 00:15:51,460 --> 00:15:53,350 OK, I've got the scores. 348 00:15:53,350 --> 00:15:55,100 The series scores are very exciting. 349 00:15:55,100 --> 00:15:57,485 We have Phil Wang on 103. 350 00:15:57,485 --> 00:15:59,910 [everyone gasps] 351 00:15:59,910 --> 00:16:01,020 [Alex] Oooh, yeah. 352 00:16:01,020 --> 00:16:03,130 Certainly sounds impressive in isolation. 353 00:16:03,130 --> 00:16:03,930 Yeah. 354 00:16:03,930 --> 00:16:07,230 In second-last, it's James on 122. 355 00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:10,080 But then, it's all changed. 356 00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:12,480 Kerry's on 131, Jess is on 133, 357 00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:15,310 Rhod's on 134. Three points! 358 00:16:15,310 --> 00:16:17,110 - [applause] - Whoa! 359 00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:19,040 That's the first time I've been in the lead all series. 360 00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:20,440 [Alex] Yes, it is. All change. 361 00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:22,600 OK, I have a scoreboard for this episode. 362 00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:24,000 Phil is in last with three, 363 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:25,680 James and Jess both on six, Kerry on seven, 364 00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:27,755 but Rhod's in the lead with ten points! 365 00:16:27,755 --> 00:16:30,750 [cheers and applause] 366 00:16:30,750 --> 00:16:33,085 More, please, little Alex Horne. 367 00:16:33,085 --> 00:16:36,900 Well, this one is a puzzling riddle of a treasure hunt of a task. 368 00:16:49,350 --> 00:16:51,085 - [Alex] Oh. - Oh, hi. 369 00:16:51,085 --> 00:16:52,485 Hi, Alex. 370 00:16:52,485 --> 00:16:54,540 - Oh. - [Alex] Oh? 371 00:16:54,540 --> 00:16:56,400 - [Alex] So here we are. - Here we are. 372 00:16:56,400 --> 00:16:58,470 Why is there not a task here? 373 00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:01,865 Is it in this room? 374 00:17:01,865 --> 00:17:03,810 [Alex] Yeah, it's not hidden. 375 00:17:05,280 --> 00:17:06,705 Well, it's not... 376 00:17:06,705 --> 00:17:09,520 - It's not not hidden, is it? - No, but it's not hidden. 377 00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:11,280 [Alex] Hi, James. 378 00:17:16,660 --> 00:17:18,130 [Alex] The task is somewhere. 379 00:17:18,130 --> 00:17:19,240 Right. 380 00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:22,440 Heyyy! [she laughs] 381 00:17:22,440 --> 00:17:25,050 - [Alex] You're colder now. - Colder now? 382 00:17:25,050 --> 00:17:27,240 [laughter] 383 00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:29,560 - Warmer, warmer. - Warmer? 384 00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:31,120 Ah! 385 00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:37,240 - Carefully, so I don't pull this down. - Little tug-- Oh. 386 00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:40,160 [laughter] 387 00:17:43,310 --> 00:17:44,320 "C." 388 00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:49,860 "C. Your time starts now." 389 00:17:49,860 --> 00:17:51,960 "Now look in the microwave." 390 00:17:52,910 --> 00:17:54,170 What? 391 00:17:54,170 --> 00:17:57,930 [applause] 392 00:17:57,930 --> 00:18:00,060 Come on, let's just crack straight into it. 393 00:18:00,060 --> 00:18:01,480 OK, let's start with the ladies. 394 00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:03,320 But which two ladies? 395 00:18:04,660 --> 00:18:06,070 [Jess] Where's the microwave? 396 00:18:08,060 --> 00:18:09,675 Where's the microwave? 397 00:18:09,675 --> 00:18:10,830 [Kerry] C. 398 00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:19,740 There! 399 00:18:21,710 --> 00:18:25,500 "R. Now look in your pigeonhole." 400 00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:30,440 "E." 401 00:18:30,615 --> 00:18:31,660 "E." 402 00:18:31,660 --> 00:18:34,770 "Now look under the door mat." 403 00:18:34,770 --> 00:18:36,130 C-R-E. 404 00:18:36,130 --> 00:18:38,830 - Where's the door mat? - [Alex] Probably near a door. 405 00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:42,840 Oh, yeah. 406 00:18:44,060 --> 00:18:46,270 "A. Now look in the lab." 407 00:18:50,620 --> 00:18:54,540 "M. Now look in the little blue book." 408 00:18:54,540 --> 00:18:56,300 What little blue book? 409 00:18:56,500 --> 00:18:58,285 What little blue book? 410 00:18:58,285 --> 00:19:00,485 What little blue book, Alex? 411 00:19:00,485 --> 00:19:02,395 Is there a little blue box in here? 412 00:19:02,395 --> 00:19:04,970 - What are you looking for? - A little blue box. 413 00:19:04,970 --> 00:19:06,795 Where's the little blue book? 414 00:19:06,795 --> 00:19:09,785 - You OK, Kerry? - No, I'm stressing out. 415 00:19:09,785 --> 00:19:13,320 Right, OK, so there's a little blue box somewhere in this house. 416 00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:14,930 "Now look..." 417 00:19:14,930 --> 00:19:17,950 - [she laughs] - [laughter] 418 00:19:17,950 --> 00:19:19,360 What?! 419 00:19:20,930 --> 00:19:22,650 Can't read. 420 00:19:22,650 --> 00:19:25,315 "Now look in the little blue book." 421 00:19:25,315 --> 00:19:28,220 Not box. Book! 422 00:19:28,220 --> 00:19:29,785 It says "book"! 423 00:19:29,785 --> 00:19:31,950 Ooh, this is-- Ah! 424 00:19:31,950 --> 00:19:34,650 Eyyy, that's clever, isn't it? 425 00:19:36,110 --> 00:19:38,855 Love that. Ah, a tiny one! 426 00:19:38,855 --> 00:19:41,710 "S at the beginning. Fastest wins." 427 00:19:41,710 --> 00:19:42,710 What? 428 00:19:43,660 --> 00:19:46,670 "S... at the beginning..." 429 00:19:46,670 --> 00:19:48,175 "Creams." 430 00:19:48,175 --> 00:19:50,210 - [laughter] - At the beginning. 431 00:19:52,330 --> 00:19:53,620 What? 432 00:19:53,620 --> 00:19:55,770 No one says that, do they? Creams. 433 00:19:55,770 --> 00:19:56,830 [Alex] No. 434 00:19:58,240 --> 00:19:59,310 "Scream"! 435 00:19:59,310 --> 00:20:01,020 [she screams] 436 00:20:01,020 --> 00:20:04,195 [laughter and applause] 437 00:20:04,495 --> 00:20:05,750 Creams at the beginning. 438 00:20:05,750 --> 00:20:08,400 Creams at the beginning. Is it like a...? 439 00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:11,860 The... situation where people have creams at the beginning? 440 00:20:11,860 --> 00:20:13,120 "S." 441 00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:15,495 OH! 442 00:20:15,495 --> 00:20:17,680 [she screams] 443 00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:20,550 [applause] 444 00:20:20,550 --> 00:20:23,040 I mean, it's an incredible question. 445 00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:26,330 "Ah, this must be a situation where people have creams in the beginning." 446 00:20:26,330 --> 00:20:28,370 [laughter] 447 00:20:28,370 --> 00:20:30,060 Powerful screams, thuogh. 448 00:20:30,060 --> 00:20:32,770 Oh, excellent screams, and it wasn't that slow. 449 00:20:32,770 --> 00:20:34,570 They both took five minutes something. 450 00:20:34,570 --> 00:20:38,130 I think if Kerry had realised the door mat was near the door-- 451 00:20:38,130 --> 00:20:39,480 - [laughter] - Oh, hang on. 452 00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:42,020 Is that worse than confusing "book" with a "box"? 453 00:20:42,020 --> 00:20:45,300 No. Oh, no. You were both absolutely shit. 454 00:20:46,510 --> 00:20:49,630 Kerry took five minutes and 47 seconds. 455 00:20:49,630 --> 00:20:51,970 Jess, five minutes and 31 seconds, 456 00:20:51,970 --> 00:20:53,285 so Jess is in the lead at the moment. 457 00:20:53,285 --> 00:20:54,850 - Wow. - Yeah. 458 00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:57,760 You didn't spend that long looking for a box. 459 00:20:57,760 --> 00:20:59,440 The end of part two is nigh. 460 00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:01,580 Correction. The end of part two is now. 461 00:21:11,260 --> 00:21:12,640 Hello there. 462 00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:16,080 And if you've just stumbled across this show for the first time, 463 00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:19,570 it's the third part of the eighth episode in the seventh series, 464 00:21:19,570 --> 00:21:21,080 and you're very, very welcome. 465 00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:23,570 Yes, you are. Today, our contestants are playing 466 00:21:23,570 --> 00:21:25,400 for a mummified cat and offensive t-shirt, 467 00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:28,570 and before the break, there was a puzzle task taking place. 468 00:21:28,570 --> 00:21:31,440 How will Cambridge University representative Phil Wang 469 00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:35,300 and wise old sage Rhod Gilbert do? 470 00:21:37,370 --> 00:21:39,900 This was in the microwave. "Now look in your pigeonhole." 471 00:21:41,370 --> 00:21:43,505 "E. Now look under the door mat." 472 00:21:43,505 --> 00:21:45,670 That's not you, is it? That's not what Greg calls you? 473 00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:48,910 I'm not going back in the room to open them any more. 474 00:21:48,910 --> 00:21:50,695 I've realised it's time wasted. 475 00:21:50,995 --> 00:21:53,440 "Now look in the lab." 476 00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:54,810 Lab... 477 00:21:56,130 --> 00:21:57,580 Where's the little blue book? 478 00:21:58,820 --> 00:22:00,300 Where's the little blue book? 479 00:22:01,260 --> 00:22:02,640 Little blue book. 480 00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:04,770 There's a little blue book in here, is there? 481 00:22:04,770 --> 00:22:06,110 Is there? 482 00:22:06,110 --> 00:22:07,810 Those aren't real books. 483 00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:10,685 Is it on you? 484 00:22:10,685 --> 00:22:12,610 Why would it be on me? 485 00:22:15,570 --> 00:22:18,120 I will strip-search you if I don't find this little blue book. 486 00:22:20,770 --> 00:22:21,550 Huh! 487 00:22:21,550 --> 00:22:23,350 Do you wanna tell me where the book is? 488 00:22:23,350 --> 00:22:25,265 It's where... where the books normally are. 489 00:22:25,665 --> 00:22:27,075 Ah! 490 00:22:27,275 --> 00:22:28,660 Oh! 491 00:22:28,660 --> 00:22:30,420 [Alex] What does the task say, Phil? 492 00:22:30,420 --> 00:22:33,625 It says "S" and then in brackets, "at the beginning." 493 00:22:33,625 --> 00:22:35,140 [Rhod] Oh, God. What does that mean? 494 00:22:35,140 --> 00:22:36,140 Argh. 495 00:22:36,930 --> 00:22:38,470 Oh, I've thrown them everywhere. 496 00:22:38,470 --> 00:22:39,700 Bollocks. 497 00:22:42,950 --> 00:22:44,320 Oh, "scream"! 498 00:22:45,620 --> 00:22:46,620 Aah! 499 00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:47,970 [laughter] 500 00:22:47,970 --> 00:22:49,960 - You want me to scream? - Yes, please. 501 00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:51,420 [Alex] Was that definitely a scream? 502 00:22:51,420 --> 00:22:54,860 - Aaa-aah! Yeah, I'd say so. - Thank you. I've stopped the clock. 503 00:22:54,860 --> 00:22:56,675 [he yells] 504 00:22:56,675 --> 00:23:02,295 [laughter and applause] 505 00:23:02,295 --> 00:23:05,480 It seems to me that every task, to you, 506 00:23:05,480 --> 00:23:07,760 is an opportunity to get his trousers off. 507 00:23:08,970 --> 00:23:11,260 And you're always wearing pink underwear. 508 00:23:11,260 --> 00:23:12,970 - Or long johns. - [Greg] Yeah. 509 00:23:12,970 --> 00:23:15,160 [laughter] 510 00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:20,680 [cheers and applause] 511 00:23:20,680 --> 00:23:22,195 Dear, dear, dear. 512 00:23:22,195 --> 00:23:25,200 Um, Phil, I think you're a very controlled man, 513 00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:26,395 is what I thought during that. 514 00:23:26,395 --> 00:23:28,710 You saw Rhod scream at the end. 515 00:23:28,710 --> 00:23:30,510 That's a scream of desperation, 516 00:23:30,510 --> 00:23:33,020 and I think I'm gonna give the opportunity on camera now 517 00:23:33,020 --> 00:23:37,760 to really let a passionate, wild scream out. 518 00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:40,925 [he roars] 519 00:23:40,925 --> 00:23:45,650 [cheers and applause] 520 00:23:46,510 --> 00:23:48,310 - Do you want some times? - Yes, please. 521 00:23:48,310 --> 00:23:51,585 He took... nine minutes and 55. 522 00:23:51,585 --> 00:23:54,200 - Nine minutes and 55. - Of course he did. 523 00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:55,640 He probably went out into the garden 524 00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:57,740 and had a sniff of some flowers at some point. 525 00:23:58,950 --> 00:24:00,570 Rhod took exactly the same amount of time 526 00:24:00,570 --> 00:24:02,770 it takes me to prepare your bed in the evening. 527 00:24:02,770 --> 00:24:05,320 Twelve minutes and 51 seconds. 528 00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:06,800 You like it so flat. 529 00:24:06,800 --> 00:24:08,720 - [applause] - Very flat. 530 00:24:09,730 --> 00:24:10,930 Just show me a situation 531 00:24:10,930 --> 00:24:12,985 where there's some creams at the beginning, will you? 532 00:24:12,985 --> 00:24:15,000 Well, it's James Acaster next. 533 00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:17,600 Is he as good at solving riddles as he is at taking his pants off, 534 00:24:17,600 --> 00:24:19,840 shoving them on a stick and singing a song about it? 535 00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:21,140 Let's find out. 536 00:24:23,310 --> 00:24:26,320 "R. Now look in your pigeonhole." 537 00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:31,560 "E. Now look under the doormat." 538 00:24:35,930 --> 00:24:38,410 "A. Now look in the lab." 539 00:24:42,330 --> 00:24:45,580 "M. Now look in the little blue book." 540 00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:52,940 "S." Creams. 541 00:24:52,940 --> 00:24:55,340 "At the--" Oh, at the beginning. 542 00:24:55,540 --> 00:24:56,950 [he screams] 543 00:24:57,050 --> 00:25:01,075 [laughter and applause] 544 00:25:01,075 --> 00:25:03,800 I feel like that whole thing was in real time. 545 00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:06,440 - That's the fastest ever... - It was, pretty much. 546 00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:08,650 He'd already spotted the blue book during another task. 547 00:25:08,650 --> 00:25:10,530 He'd always been aware of the surroundings. 548 00:25:10,530 --> 00:25:13,020 I think you know the show more than I know the show. 549 00:25:13,020 --> 00:25:14,740 I love it. I'm a big fan. 550 00:25:14,740 --> 00:25:16,285 That was a dream come true. 551 00:25:16,485 --> 00:25:19,080 [laughter and applause] 552 00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:21,830 The time was three minutes 48. 553 00:25:21,830 --> 00:25:23,220 Wow. 554 00:25:23,220 --> 00:25:25,750 So the points are, one point to Rhod, 555 00:25:25,750 --> 00:25:27,180 two to Phil, three to Kerry, 556 00:25:27,180 --> 00:25:29,630 four to Jess with her five minutes 31, 557 00:25:29,630 --> 00:25:33,265 and five points to James Acaster, who wins the task. 558 00:25:33,265 --> 00:25:35,800 [applause] 559 00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:37,210 So with that... 560 00:25:37,210 --> 00:25:39,660 With that, Jess has re-taken the series lead. 561 00:25:39,660 --> 00:25:42,280 It's going hither and thither at this moment. 562 00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:44,950 I feel like you're ready to hit us with another task. 563 00:25:44,950 --> 00:25:47,875 Oh, I am, and I'm glad I look ready, because I am ready. 564 00:25:47,875 --> 00:25:49,480 And for this one, the contestants really 565 00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:52,085 had to learn to compose themselves. 566 00:25:52,085 --> 00:25:55,810 [tuneless strumming] 567 00:26:05,130 --> 00:26:06,130 Ah! 568 00:26:06,950 --> 00:26:07,895 Hi! 569 00:26:07,895 --> 00:26:08,860 Hi, Alex. 570 00:26:08,860 --> 00:26:09,925 Oh! 571 00:26:09,925 --> 00:26:11,560 [Alex] Hello, Rhod. 572 00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:12,580 Alright? 573 00:26:13,220 --> 00:26:14,100 Hello. 574 00:26:14,100 --> 00:26:15,220 - Hiya. - Alright? 575 00:26:15,220 --> 00:26:16,430 [Alex] Hello, James. 576 00:26:18,370 --> 00:26:22,060 "Compose the best 30-second piece of music." 577 00:26:22,060 --> 00:26:23,480 - The best? - Yes, please. 578 00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:24,950 Oh, yes. 579 00:26:24,950 --> 00:26:26,950 Played into my hands here, mate. Fuck you. 580 00:26:26,950 --> 00:26:28,460 [laughter] 581 00:26:28,460 --> 00:26:31,000 "You have 20 minutes. Your time starts now." 582 00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:33,020 Oh my God. 583 00:26:33,020 --> 00:26:35,620 Can you play all of these instruments? 584 00:26:35,620 --> 00:26:37,930 We can play a mix of them. 585 00:26:37,930 --> 00:26:40,575 I'm a percussionist myself. 586 00:26:40,575 --> 00:26:42,280 [Alex] If you're looking for sticks-- 587 00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:43,570 - No, they're fine. - Oh, OK. 588 00:26:43,570 --> 00:26:44,770 You're not a musician, mate. 589 00:26:44,770 --> 00:26:46,880 - [laughter] - What's that guy? 590 00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:48,950 - It's a melodica. - Oh, let's have a go at that. 591 00:26:48,950 --> 00:26:51,310 [jaunty tune] 592 00:26:51,310 --> 00:26:52,660 Well, that's staying. 593 00:26:52,660 --> 00:26:53,995 [they laugh] 594 00:26:54,195 --> 00:26:56,875 [applause] 595 00:26:56,875 --> 00:26:59,040 Uh, another one of your catchphrases coming out there. 596 00:26:59,040 --> 00:27:00,370 - "Fuck you." - Yep. 597 00:27:00,370 --> 00:27:02,060 Some of the others you've used throughout the series... 598 00:27:02,060 --> 00:27:03,280 "Fuck you." "Babay." 599 00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:04,740 "I'm punk." "Suck it." 600 00:27:04,740 --> 00:27:06,230 Just so you know. 601 00:27:06,230 --> 00:27:07,985 Let's see... 602 00:27:07,985 --> 00:27:10,615 if there's a little bit more decorum when you write music. 603 00:27:10,615 --> 00:27:11,910 Who shall we see first? 604 00:27:11,910 --> 00:27:14,350 Well, just to say, the musicians would only do what they were told, 605 00:27:14,350 --> 00:27:16,360 and we're gonna see James and Jess, 606 00:27:16,360 --> 00:27:18,470 and Kerry and Phil. 607 00:27:19,370 --> 00:27:22,040 And Rhod. All creating their pieces. 608 00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:24,215 - This is them composing. - Lovely. 609 00:27:24,215 --> 00:27:26,600 What sort of rhythm are we after? 610 00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:29,605 Um, well, you reckon you guys can just vamp... 611 00:27:29,605 --> 00:27:31,730 a 12-bar blues structure for a bit, 612 00:27:31,730 --> 00:27:33,770 and I'll try and think of a drum... 613 00:27:33,770 --> 00:27:35,215 We're in the key of E minor. 614 00:27:35,215 --> 00:27:38,265 So it's melancholy. We're in Eastern Europe. 615 00:27:38,265 --> 00:27:40,675 [melancholy drone] 616 00:27:40,675 --> 00:27:42,010 Do the Hendrix chord. 617 00:27:43,080 --> 00:27:44,375 Right, here we go. 618 00:27:44,375 --> 00:27:45,960 Here we go! 619 00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:48,320 Oh, yeah. OK. So let's just jam. 620 00:27:50,330 --> 00:27:52,150 You might need to give us a bit more instruction. 621 00:27:52,150 --> 00:27:53,110 Oh, really? 622 00:27:53,110 --> 00:27:55,630 - [drone continues] - A little match girl has arrived... 623 00:27:55,630 --> 00:27:56,950 at a house. 624 00:27:56,950 --> 00:27:58,920 - A little what? - Match girl. 625 00:27:58,920 --> 00:28:01,020 Play a bit of music that sounds like this. 626 00:28:01,020 --> 00:28:03,605 ♪ Do-do-do do dooo ♪ 627 00:28:03,605 --> 00:28:06,430 [elegant violin] 628 00:28:06,430 --> 00:28:09,470 [imitates rock guitar] 629 00:28:11,130 --> 00:28:13,200 But I've got to go, ♪ diddly-do ♪ 630 00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:15,710 and then you go, ♪ diddly-do ♪ 631 00:28:15,710 --> 00:28:16,960 There we are. 632 00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:19,200 - Now let's hear the matches. - The matches? 633 00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:22,230 Yeah, she'd shake the box, probably, just to demonstrate her wares. 634 00:28:22,230 --> 00:28:24,100 What the fuck was that? 635 00:28:25,060 --> 00:28:26,530 ♪ Do do do, do do do ♪ 636 00:28:26,530 --> 00:28:28,200 ♪ Do do do do do ♪ 637 00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:29,870 ♪ Ba, duh-duh ♪ 638 00:28:29,870 --> 00:28:31,040 ♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba ♪ 639 00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:32,440 ♪ Da-da-da da-da-da ♪ 640 00:28:32,440 --> 00:28:34,420 ♪ Dadadadadada ♪ OK? 641 00:28:34,420 --> 00:28:37,905 ♪ Boop-oop-oop-adippy dingy-ding-ding ♪ 642 00:28:37,905 --> 00:28:41,170 ♪ Boop-oop-oop-adippy dingy-ding-ding ♪ 643 00:28:41,170 --> 00:28:42,510 ♪ Bu-bu-bu-bup ♪ 644 00:28:42,510 --> 00:28:44,280 [she coughs] 645 00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:48,200 ♪ Duh duh duh, duh duh duh ♪ 646 00:28:48,200 --> 00:28:49,840 [trumpet toots] 647 00:28:49,840 --> 00:28:51,280 That's pretty good! 648 00:28:51,280 --> 00:28:53,485 I don't think I'm adding anything with this. 649 00:28:53,485 --> 00:28:54,560 I like it. 650 00:28:54,560 --> 00:28:55,860 - Do you? - Yeah. 651 00:28:56,770 --> 00:28:58,510 OK, you're right. 652 00:28:58,510 --> 00:28:59,895 It's my band anyway. 653 00:28:59,895 --> 00:29:02,800 [applause] 654 00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:04,840 - Bit of a... - I quite fancied him. 655 00:29:04,840 --> 00:29:05,930 Yeah, yeah. 656 00:29:05,930 --> 00:29:08,440 I hope you'll take this in the spirit that it's intended, Jess, 657 00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:10,150 but sometimes, watching you is like watching 658 00:29:10,150 --> 00:29:11,920 an episode of Sesame Street. 659 00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:13,170 [laughter] 660 00:29:13,170 --> 00:29:14,760 "I'm writing a song!" 661 00:29:15,950 --> 00:29:18,120 That's really who I am. 662 00:29:18,800 --> 00:29:20,480 I don't know why you're laughing, Kerry. 663 00:29:20,480 --> 00:29:23,015 - What? - Fucking diddly-do. 664 00:29:23,015 --> 00:29:26,150 I mean, I cannot tell you how excited I am 665 00:29:26,150 --> 00:29:28,130 to hear these pieces of music. 666 00:29:28,130 --> 00:29:29,180 OK, well, let's do it. 667 00:29:29,180 --> 00:29:31,720 The first movement we're gonna hear today 668 00:29:31,720 --> 00:29:34,250 is by Philip Wang. 669 00:29:34,250 --> 00:29:37,110 We're Kill Phil with "The Yellow Blues". 670 00:29:37,110 --> 00:29:38,910 One, two, three, four! 671 00:29:38,910 --> 00:29:41,530 [bluesy strumming] 672 00:29:41,530 --> 00:29:42,485 [trumpet toots] 673 00:29:42,485 --> 00:29:45,040 [strumming continues] 674 00:29:45,040 --> 00:29:46,075 [trumpet toots] 675 00:29:46,075 --> 00:29:48,480 [strumming continues] 676 00:29:48,480 --> 00:29:49,370 [trumpet toots] 677 00:29:49,370 --> 00:29:51,930 [strumming continues] 678 00:29:51,930 --> 00:29:52,660 [trumpet toots] 679 00:29:52,660 --> 00:29:56,360 [bluesy violin solo] 680 00:29:58,950 --> 00:30:03,700 [long trumpet drone] 681 00:30:03,700 --> 00:30:05,485 A-ha, yeah! 682 00:30:05,785 --> 00:30:08,640 [applause] 683 00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:12,565 Did you essentially get some talented musicians to play 12-bar blues? 684 00:30:12,565 --> 00:30:14,950 Uh, with a tune that I made up! 685 00:30:14,950 --> 00:30:16,730 Did you-- Did you hear the trumpet solo? 686 00:30:16,730 --> 00:30:17,970 I heard the trumpet solo. 687 00:30:17,970 --> 00:30:19,820 [laughter] 688 00:30:19,820 --> 00:30:22,750 It sounded like one of the band had his mum turn up outside 689 00:30:22,750 --> 00:30:25,085 and she was honking her horn occasionally. 690 00:30:25,085 --> 00:30:27,160 Yeah, like, how the blues was born. 691 00:30:28,220 --> 00:30:30,170 I was told that you play the trumpet. 692 00:30:30,170 --> 00:30:32,560 I played the trumpet... 693 00:30:32,560 --> 00:30:34,040 in that clip. 694 00:30:34,340 --> 00:30:37,110 [laughter] 695 00:30:37,110 --> 00:30:40,600 OK, we are off to an absolutely terrible start. 696 00:30:40,600 --> 00:30:41,875 What?! 697 00:30:41,875 --> 00:30:44,260 Let's see another wonderful piece of music. 698 00:30:44,260 --> 00:30:46,230 Would you like to see the lady sitting next to Phil? 699 00:30:46,230 --> 00:30:49,110 - Yes. - Yes? OK, this is Kerry's effort. 700 00:30:49,110 --> 00:30:50,500 [Greg] The masterclass. 701 00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:53,880 Here's my band, Hokey Cokey Goodtimes, 702 00:30:53,880 --> 00:30:56,675 and it's called "Having a Great Time Any Time." 703 00:30:56,675 --> 00:30:58,920 [Kerry] One, two, three, four! 704 00:30:58,920 --> 00:31:04,140 [mellow folky tune begins] 705 00:31:28,910 --> 00:31:31,905 [applause] 706 00:31:31,905 --> 00:31:34,060 I felt like a parent watching it. 707 00:31:34,060 --> 00:31:36,785 Proud? Proud or ashamed? 708 00:31:36,785 --> 00:31:39,040 [Greg sighs] 709 00:31:39,040 --> 00:31:42,195 I had to rush from the meeting for this. Oh, my God. 710 00:31:42,195 --> 00:31:44,985 It was very good, darling! 711 00:31:44,985 --> 00:31:48,530 - [Greg] It was catchy. - It was a nice little tune, 712 00:31:48,530 --> 00:31:51,910 and it wasn't like a standard blues riff. 713 00:31:51,910 --> 00:31:53,850 I mean, I composed it from scratch. 714 00:31:53,850 --> 00:31:54,960 No way. 715 00:31:54,960 --> 00:31:57,500 [laughter] 716 00:31:58,660 --> 00:31:59,865 It was... 717 00:31:59,865 --> 00:32:00,940 [Kerry] Brilliant. 718 00:32:01,680 --> 00:32:02,460 Really good. 719 00:32:02,460 --> 00:32:04,310 You know, it was vaguely engaging. 720 00:32:04,310 --> 00:32:05,420 Who's next? 721 00:32:05,420 --> 00:32:06,620 OK, we're gonna see someone 722 00:32:06,620 --> 00:32:08,530 who has genuinely been in these bands. 723 00:32:08,530 --> 00:32:12,020 Pindrop, Three Line Whip, The New Hardcore Skiffle Movement, 724 00:32:12,020 --> 00:32:14,200 The Capri-Sun Quartet and The Wow! Scenario. 725 00:32:14,200 --> 00:32:16,800 Yes, it's James Acaster. 726 00:32:16,800 --> 00:32:19,130 [cheers and applause] 727 00:32:19,130 --> 00:32:22,180 We're Clump Stump and this song is called "Over My Shoulder." 728 00:32:25,260 --> 00:32:27,570 - [they play rapidly] - ♪ Over my shoulder ♪ 729 00:32:27,570 --> 00:32:29,310 ♪ Older and older ♪ 730 00:32:29,310 --> 00:32:31,250 ♪ That's what I told ya ♪ 731 00:32:32,750 --> 00:32:34,370 ♪ Over my shoulder ♪ 732 00:32:34,370 --> 00:32:36,020 ♪ I'm getting colder ♪ 733 00:32:36,020 --> 00:32:37,670 ♪ Is that a boulder? ♪ 734 00:32:39,200 --> 00:32:43,100 [dramatic beats] 735 00:32:43,840 --> 00:32:45,240 ♪ Over my shoulder ♪ 736 00:32:45,240 --> 00:32:46,930 ♪ Older and older ♪ 737 00:32:46,930 --> 00:32:48,650 ♪ That's what I told ya! ♪ 738 00:32:50,660 --> 00:32:55,210 [cheers and applause] 739 00:32:57,170 --> 00:32:59,110 Can we dig down into what the lyrics are about? 740 00:32:59,110 --> 00:33:00,930 'Cause I know what the spirit of punk is all about. 741 00:33:00,930 --> 00:33:03,310 - [James] Yeah. - Not conforming, not fitting in, 742 00:33:03,310 --> 00:33:05,865 not being told what to do by the man upstairs. 743 00:33:05,865 --> 00:33:07,860 You've got to look over your shoulder your whole life. 744 00:33:07,860 --> 00:33:08,600 [Greg] Yeah. 745 00:33:08,600 --> 00:33:10,360 'Cause you never know who's sneaking up on ya. 746 00:33:10,360 --> 00:33:12,060 - Yeah. - You can't trust no one. 747 00:33:12,060 --> 00:33:15,305 And that's why I sing, "Over my shoulder, older and older." 748 00:33:15,305 --> 00:33:16,920 "That's what I told ya." 749 00:33:17,480 --> 00:33:19,820 Then you started getting... You said, "I'm getting colder." 750 00:33:19,820 --> 00:33:21,510 - Getting colder. - "I'm getting colder." 751 00:33:21,510 --> 00:33:23,170 And then you wondered if something was a boulder or not. 752 00:33:23,170 --> 00:33:24,410 "Is that a boulder?" 753 00:33:24,410 --> 00:33:25,240 Yeah. 754 00:33:25,240 --> 00:33:27,660 "Is that a boulder?" That's a metaphor for what? 755 00:33:27,660 --> 00:33:29,840 - Like, is that a boulder? - [Greg] Yeah? 756 00:33:29,840 --> 00:33:31,770 Or is it a big rock? 757 00:33:32,070 --> 00:33:34,770 [laughter] 758 00:33:34,770 --> 00:33:37,800 Right, it's the advertisers' turn for some airtime now, 759 00:33:37,800 --> 00:33:39,860 but more music coming up in part four, 760 00:33:39,860 --> 00:33:43,350 plus, who will win Jessica Knappett's Victorian Christmas cards? 761 00:33:43,350 --> 00:33:45,830 It's nail-biting entertainment television. 762 00:33:55,880 --> 00:33:59,730 Welcome, welcome. It's the final part of the show, 763 00:33:59,730 --> 00:34:02,460 and we're in the middle of a toe-tapping musical task. 764 00:34:02,460 --> 00:34:03,350 Indeed we are, Greg. 765 00:34:03,350 --> 00:34:05,220 Armed with three talented musicians - 766 00:34:05,220 --> 00:34:07,040 Kieran Towers, George Boomsma, 767 00:34:07,040 --> 00:34:09,040 and of course, yes, it was Dan Edwards - 768 00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:13,395 the contestants are trying to compose the best 30-second piece of music. 769 00:34:13,395 --> 00:34:15,595 Next up, it's Jess. 770 00:34:15,595 --> 00:34:17,575 Hi. We're The Easy Triangles. 771 00:34:17,575 --> 00:34:20,985 This is our new hit single, "Here I Am - I'm a Violin." 772 00:34:20,985 --> 00:34:24,650 [upbeat folky tune begins] 773 00:34:44,460 --> 00:34:46,350 [triangle tings] 774 00:34:46,750 --> 00:34:53,100 [laughter and applause] 775 00:34:54,220 --> 00:34:56,710 - It strikes me that that jig... - Mm-hm? 776 00:34:56,710 --> 00:34:58,360 - Would you call it a jig? - Sure. 777 00:34:58,360 --> 00:35:00,760 That jig is missing only one thing. 778 00:35:00,760 --> 00:35:01,680 A jig. 779 00:35:01,680 --> 00:35:03,930 Someone to perform a lovely dance to it. 780 00:35:03,930 --> 00:35:07,850 [they chant] Jig! Jig! Jig! 781 00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:11,115 Do you want me to conduct? 782 00:35:11,115 --> 00:35:13,065 Yes. Yes, please. 783 00:35:13,065 --> 00:35:15,310 One, two, three, now! 784 00:35:15,310 --> 00:35:18,070 [upbeat folky tune plays] 785 00:35:20,860 --> 00:35:24,630 [audience claps in time] 786 00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:28,900 Freestyle! 787 00:35:38,310 --> 00:35:42,450 [cheers and applause] 788 00:35:44,970 --> 00:35:47,170 Sorry, Jess. I feel like we've taken 789 00:35:47,170 --> 00:35:49,185 the spotlight away from your wonderful song. 790 00:35:49,185 --> 00:35:52,885 No, please. All I ever wanted was for the people to dance. 791 00:35:52,885 --> 00:35:55,860 [laughter] 792 00:35:55,860 --> 00:35:57,680 So, uh, Rhod Gilbert. 793 00:35:57,680 --> 00:35:59,710 [Alex] Here is Rhodri's tune. 794 00:35:59,710 --> 00:36:02,840 This is "The Ballad of the Toothless Goon," 795 00:36:02,840 --> 00:36:04,840 performed by The Little Matchgirls. 796 00:36:04,840 --> 00:36:07,295 - [bleak folky drone] - Eastern Europe. 797 00:36:07,295 --> 00:36:09,610 We join our Toothless Goon 798 00:36:09,610 --> 00:36:11,750 in an unassuming house on an unassuming street, 799 00:36:11,750 --> 00:36:14,110 where he sits by an unlit fire. 800 00:36:14,110 --> 00:36:19,575 - [discordant tune] - He snores deeply. 801 00:36:19,575 --> 00:36:23,740 Fast asleep despite his cold and stony hearth. 802 00:36:24,710 --> 00:36:27,500 Wait, what's this? A knock at the door. 803 00:36:28,310 --> 00:36:31,240 And a little match girl, selling her wares. 804 00:36:31,240 --> 00:36:32,220 [box rattles] 805 00:36:32,220 --> 00:36:34,570 And she can't get the Toothless Goon's attention, 806 00:36:34,570 --> 00:36:36,240 - so deeply does he sleep. - [tempo increases] 807 00:36:36,240 --> 00:36:38,220 She shakes her matches and bangs the door, 808 00:36:38,220 --> 00:36:41,885 and in her desperation, she decides to knock on the window and shout. 809 00:36:41,885 --> 00:36:45,005 [squeaky voice] Oi! Toothless Goon! 810 00:36:45,005 --> 00:36:48,785 Hey! Toothless Goon! 811 00:36:48,785 --> 00:36:51,325 Despite her shouts at Toothless Goon, 812 00:36:51,325 --> 00:36:53,220 the Goon sleeps so deeply, 813 00:36:53,220 --> 00:36:56,110 our little match girl decides to come round the back of the house 814 00:36:56,110 --> 00:36:57,770 and put the window through! 815 00:36:57,770 --> 00:36:58,950 Pshhh! 816 00:36:58,950 --> 00:37:01,910 But still, our Goon, he sleeps. 817 00:37:01,910 --> 00:37:03,900 [music slows again] 818 00:37:03,900 --> 00:37:07,270 Deeply and loudly. 819 00:37:07,270 --> 00:37:11,240 He dreams of teeth in days gone by and a lit hearth. 820 00:37:11,240 --> 00:37:13,940 Our little match girl approaches with her matches 821 00:37:13,940 --> 00:37:18,270 and rests her hand upon his slumbering shoulder. 822 00:37:18,930 --> 00:37:20,820 Whereupon our Goon wakes up with a startle! 823 00:37:20,820 --> 00:37:22,600 [they yell] 824 00:37:22,600 --> 00:37:25,755 Whizzes round and shoots her shitting face off! 825 00:37:25,755 --> 00:37:32,560 [laughter and applause] 826 00:37:36,640 --> 00:37:41,810 [cheers and applause] 827 00:37:42,950 --> 00:37:46,110 It's amazing how the last line of a beautiful song 828 00:37:46,110 --> 00:37:47,750 can rug-pull the rest of it. 829 00:37:47,750 --> 00:37:49,530 Rhod's composition was operatic 830 00:37:49,530 --> 00:37:52,430 in that it felt like it lasted about five hours. 831 00:37:52,430 --> 00:37:54,460 How long did it last, actually, Alex? 832 00:37:54,460 --> 00:37:56,800 It lasted three times as long as it should have. 833 00:37:56,800 --> 00:37:58,970 - So it's a minute and a half? - One minute and a half. 834 00:37:58,970 --> 00:38:01,310 Ah, was it supposed to last for 30 seconds? 835 00:38:01,310 --> 00:38:03,770 To be fair to Rhod, it's a harder narrative to cram into 30 seconds 836 00:38:03,770 --> 00:38:06,080 than "some people play blues" 837 00:38:06,080 --> 00:38:08,070 and "an irritated mother honks her horn." 838 00:38:09,130 --> 00:38:11,770 I'm not gonna give anyone one point. That's the good news. 839 00:38:11,770 --> 00:38:14,750 Because I thoroughly enjoyed all pieces of music. 840 00:38:14,750 --> 00:38:17,220 - OK, you've been generous today. - I am being generous today. 841 00:38:17,220 --> 00:38:19,860 I am only going to give Phil two points, 842 00:38:19,860 --> 00:38:21,510 because I think it'll encourage him 843 00:38:21,510 --> 00:38:25,075 to really dig down and to learn the trumpet properly next time. 844 00:38:25,075 --> 00:38:28,570 I'm going to give Kerry three points. It was a very pretty tune. 845 00:38:28,570 --> 00:38:29,550 Thank you. 846 00:38:29,550 --> 00:38:31,600 I'm gonna give Rhod four points, as well as James, 847 00:38:31,600 --> 00:38:33,420 because I think that story is gonna be told 848 00:38:33,420 --> 00:38:35,860 for up to one month after this show. 849 00:38:35,860 --> 00:38:36,820 [Alex] Right. 850 00:38:36,820 --> 00:38:39,230 And the most complete piece of music, 851 00:38:39,230 --> 00:38:40,330 Jessica Knappett. 852 00:38:40,530 --> 00:38:44,225 [cheers and applause] 853 00:38:44,225 --> 00:38:46,160 So let's see what that's done to the scoreboard. 854 00:38:46,160 --> 00:38:49,060 Well, we have a three-way tie for the lead, 855 00:38:49,060 --> 00:38:51,000 between James, Jess and Rhod. 856 00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:53,065 They're all on 15. 857 00:38:53,065 --> 00:38:56,150 [cheers and applause] 858 00:38:56,150 --> 00:38:58,050 Very good. Right, it's that time again. 859 00:38:58,050 --> 00:39:01,650 Please head up to the stage for the final task of the show! 860 00:39:05,150 --> 00:39:08,200 [cheers and applause] 861 00:39:08,200 --> 00:39:10,640 All on a lovely stage. Who's gonna read the task? 862 00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:12,010 Rhod Gilbert. 863 00:39:13,950 --> 00:39:15,175 "Bob... 864 00:39:15,175 --> 00:39:17,850 when you hear the surname of a famous Bob." 865 00:39:19,480 --> 00:39:21,750 [laughter] 866 00:39:21,750 --> 00:39:23,250 That's a bob, is it? 867 00:39:23,250 --> 00:39:24,595 Brilliant. 868 00:39:24,595 --> 00:39:27,340 "Pat when you hear the surname of a famous Pat." 869 00:39:28,550 --> 00:39:31,105 "Kneel when you hear the surname of a famous Neil." 870 00:39:31,105 --> 00:39:34,195 "Stew when you hear the surname of a famous Stew." 871 00:39:34,195 --> 00:39:36,180 - Stew? - Stew. 872 00:39:36,180 --> 00:39:37,480 [Rhod] Do you mean "stir"? 873 00:39:37,480 --> 00:39:40,770 Stew. The international sign language. 874 00:39:40,770 --> 00:39:43,470 - Yeah, anybody want some stew? - [Kerry] I love this. 875 00:39:44,440 --> 00:39:48,465 "And wane when you hear the surname of a famous Wayne." 876 00:39:48,465 --> 00:39:50,760 Like the moon. Getting smaller like the moon. 877 00:39:51,680 --> 00:39:54,120 [laughter] 878 00:39:54,120 --> 00:39:55,800 - Great. - I love this. 879 00:39:55,800 --> 00:39:58,350 "If you do an incorrect action or fail to do any action 880 00:39:58,350 --> 00:40:00,130 with ten seconds of hearing the name, 881 00:40:00,130 --> 00:40:01,530 you are disqualified." 882 00:40:01,530 --> 00:40:04,710 "Last person correctly bobbing, patting, 883 00:40:04,710 --> 00:40:08,775 kneeling, stewing or waning wins." 884 00:40:08,775 --> 00:40:10,530 So, blindfolds on, please. 885 00:40:10,530 --> 00:40:12,240 Good luck, everybody. 886 00:40:12,240 --> 00:40:14,750 Greg will say a surname. You then have ten seconds. 887 00:40:14,750 --> 00:40:16,195 I'll be counting the ten seconds. 888 00:40:16,195 --> 00:40:18,285 At the end of that, we'll see who's through to the next round. 889 00:40:18,285 --> 00:40:19,130 Good. 890 00:40:19,130 --> 00:40:20,360 Here we go. [blows whistle] 891 00:40:20,660 --> 00:40:21,960 Marley. 892 00:40:24,970 --> 00:40:27,970 [laughter] 893 00:40:27,970 --> 00:40:29,700 Yep, I think... Yep. 894 00:40:30,620 --> 00:40:32,800 OK, OK, and that's... [blows whistle] 895 00:40:32,800 --> 00:40:36,540 ten seconds up. They have all done the correct action. 896 00:40:36,540 --> 00:40:38,330 I don't think Rhod Gilbert should be 897 00:40:38,330 --> 00:40:40,130 congratulated for doing one bob. 898 00:40:40,130 --> 00:40:41,570 Next name. [blows whistle] 899 00:40:41,570 --> 00:40:43,070 Armstrong. 900 00:40:47,970 --> 00:40:51,960 [laughter] 901 00:40:53,370 --> 00:40:54,640 [blows whistle] 902 00:40:54,840 --> 00:40:56,010 James Acaster. 903 00:40:56,770 --> 00:40:58,260 James, you must go back to the bench. 904 00:40:58,260 --> 00:40:59,860 Ah, I was thinking about Lance! 905 00:40:59,860 --> 00:41:01,885 I was gonna lance someone! 906 00:41:01,885 --> 00:41:05,850 [laughter and applause] 907 00:41:06,950 --> 00:41:08,250 Sit on the bench. 908 00:41:08,970 --> 00:41:10,475 First man on the moon! 909 00:41:10,475 --> 00:41:13,170 [laughter] 910 00:41:13,170 --> 00:41:14,865 There are four left. 911 00:41:14,865 --> 00:41:16,130 [blows whistle] 912 00:41:16,130 --> 00:41:17,460 Sleep. 913 00:41:17,860 --> 00:41:19,170 Sleep? 914 00:41:19,470 --> 00:41:24,070 [laughter] 915 00:41:25,570 --> 00:41:27,710 [blows whistle] Wang, sit down! 916 00:41:27,710 --> 00:41:29,195 [Greg] Wang is out! 917 00:41:29,195 --> 00:41:31,340 Come home. Come home, Wang. 918 00:41:32,060 --> 00:41:33,880 Phil, that was Wayne Sleep. 919 00:41:33,880 --> 00:41:35,170 The second man on the moon. 920 00:41:35,170 --> 00:41:36,600 [laughter] 921 00:41:36,600 --> 00:41:38,170 OK, here we go. Next name. [blows whistle] 922 00:41:38,170 --> 00:41:40,795 This is gonna sort the wheat from the chaff. 923 00:41:40,995 --> 00:41:42,610 Gretzky. 924 00:41:49,240 --> 00:41:50,970 [laughter] 925 00:41:50,970 --> 00:41:53,150 - Gretzky? - [Greg] Gretzky. 926 00:41:53,150 --> 00:41:54,840 Three seconds. He's got to do something. 927 00:41:54,840 --> 00:41:57,060 - [Greg] Oh-ho! - [blows whistle] 928 00:41:57,060 --> 00:42:01,350 OK, I'm afraid we have lost Kerry Godliman. 929 00:42:01,350 --> 00:42:05,150 Who referred to Pat Gretzky, who does not play ice hockey. 930 00:42:05,150 --> 00:42:06,570 Wayne Gretzky does. 931 00:42:06,570 --> 00:42:08,840 - I knew that. - [laughter] 932 00:42:08,840 --> 00:42:11,080 So we have a play-off now. [blows whistle] 933 00:42:11,080 --> 00:42:12,120 Holness. 934 00:42:14,970 --> 00:42:16,540 - [Alex] Holness. - [Greg] Holness. 935 00:42:16,540 --> 00:42:19,930 [everyone groans] 936 00:42:19,930 --> 00:42:20,930 [blows whistle] 937 00:42:20,930 --> 00:42:22,930 I'm afraid Jessica must sit down. 938 00:42:22,930 --> 00:42:24,225 Argh! 939 00:42:24,225 --> 00:42:25,370 Stewart Holness... 940 00:42:25,370 --> 00:42:27,685 Unfortunately, Stewart Holness has retired. 941 00:42:27,685 --> 00:42:30,260 The winner is, ladies and gentlemen, 942 00:42:30,260 --> 00:42:31,910 Rhod Gilbert! 943 00:42:31,910 --> 00:42:34,240 [cheers and applause] 944 00:42:34,240 --> 00:42:36,080 Come down, let's add that to the total scores, 945 00:42:36,080 --> 00:42:37,180 and see where we are! 946 00:42:40,750 --> 00:42:43,220 [applause] 947 00:42:43,420 --> 00:42:44,730 So, come on, scoreboard. 948 00:42:44,730 --> 00:42:46,310 That's got to have really mixed things up. 949 00:42:46,310 --> 00:42:48,530 It has. Well, this episode, it was close right to the end. 950 00:42:48,530 --> 00:42:50,205 But thanks to Bob Holness, 951 00:42:50,205 --> 00:42:52,880 the winner, with 20 points, 952 00:42:52,880 --> 00:42:54,420 is Mr Rhod Gilbert! 953 00:42:54,420 --> 00:42:58,460 [cheers and applause] 954 00:42:58,460 --> 00:43:01,500 Rhod is the winner of episode eight. 955 00:43:01,500 --> 00:43:05,540 Rhod, go and collect your creepy clutter! 956 00:43:06,860 --> 00:43:08,480 So, what have we learnt today? 957 00:43:08,480 --> 00:43:10,860 We've learnt, if you're a lovely little match girl, 958 00:43:10,860 --> 00:43:12,170 living in poverty, 959 00:43:12,170 --> 00:43:14,620 be careful who you're charitable to. 960 00:43:14,620 --> 00:43:17,270 Or you might get your shitting face shot off. 961 00:43:17,270 --> 00:43:20,660 So you next time for the penultimate part of this series. 962 00:43:20,660 --> 00:43:22,450 Thank you. Good night! 963 00:43:26,310 --> 00:43:28,720 [subtitles by tribbletown]