1 00:00:05,280 --> 00:00:06,280 Eeeeh! 2 00:00:08,240 --> 00:00:09,440 Stella! 3 00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:16,440 Hold it. 4 00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:18,200 What? 5 00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:20,280 Ah! 6 00:00:21,840 --> 00:00:22,840 Yes! 7 00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:41,240 Hello, everyone, and welcome to Taskmaster! 8 00:00:41,280 --> 00:00:42,400 In just a few moments, 9 00:00:42,440 --> 00:00:45,840 you will witness the trials and tribulations of five comedians 10 00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:48,080 as they tackle tasks for me - Greg Davies, 11 00:00:48,120 --> 00:00:53,240 or, as I'm also known in certain circles, 22st of prime marbled beef. 12 00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:55,520 But th...! 13 00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:01,640 Those awaiting judgment go by the names of... 14 00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:03,040 ..David Baddiel... 15 00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:05,760 ..Ed Gamble... 16 00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:07,760 ..Jo Brand... 17 00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:09,600 ..Katy Wix... 18 00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:12,240 ..and Rose Matafeo. 19 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:18,400 And sitting uncomfortably next to me is a man, who naked, 20 00:01:18,440 --> 00:01:20,480 looks like a weird ill monkey. 21 00:01:20,520 --> 00:01:23,560 It's little Alex Horne. 22 00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:29,280 Hello, Alex. Hello. Hi, Greg. You all right? Yes, I'm very well. 23 00:01:29,320 --> 00:01:32,200 How are you? I'm looking forward to assisting you. I love assisting you. 24 00:01:32,240 --> 00:01:35,320 Oh, great. I love chatting to you and you assisting me. 25 00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:37,920 Great. Well, cos today I've got a special assistant's drawer. 26 00:01:37,960 --> 00:01:40,520 Oh, good. I've got... What have I got? 27 00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:41,600 What sort of stuff...? 28 00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:44,200 I've got lots of cotton buds, in case you get clogged again. Yep. 29 00:01:44,240 --> 00:01:46,760 'JO LAUGHS Clogged again. Clogged again. 30 00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:49,240 You might get clogged again. Yeah, I might get clogged again. 31 00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:51,000 I've got dry wipes in case you get wet, 32 00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:53,200 I've got wet wipes in case you get dry. Yep. 33 00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:56,960 I've got, erm, little nail scissors, 34 00:01:57,000 --> 00:01:59,800 I've got bigger nail scissors with crimping things, if you want 35 00:01:59,840 --> 00:02:04,120 'sort of more... exotic nails. Yep. And I've got gas and air because of your body situation. 36 00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:07,200 My body situation? 37 00:02:09,160 --> 00:02:13,360 'Right, so let's crack on with the prize category today, please, Alex Horne. 38 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:16,320 OK, it's the one that should really prove itself by the end of the show 39 00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:22,480 'because we've asked them to bring in The Best Thing To Celebrate With On A Stage. OK? 40 00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:23,840 It's five points for the best one 41 00:02:23,880 --> 00:02:26,080 and then five big celebrations at the end of the show. 42 00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:29,360 Jo Brand, what do you thing the best thing to celebrate with is on stage? 43 00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:34,920 For me, the best thing to celebrate with on stage is a person. 44 00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:37,120 And as he can't be here today, 45 00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:41,000 there is a life-size cardboard cut-out of him. OK. 46 00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:44,520 And his name is Andy Robinson and he's a stand-up comedian 47 00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:48,480 and I've toured with him for about 17 or 18 years. 48 00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:50,920 He's the nicest man in comedy. 49 00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:52,680 And I mean that, Greg. 50 00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:55,360 There he is. Look at him. 51 00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:57,120 Aw, that's nice. 52 00:02:57,160 --> 00:03:00,520 That's just celebrating on stage with some cardboard, isn't it? 53 00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:03,800 Well, it's a representation of his spirit. 54 00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:05,360 So, his spirit is cardboard? 55 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:10,360 'I'll tell you something about Andy Robinson - he once infiltrated a cult. True. 56 00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:11,520 Really? 57 00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:13,920 It wasn't him, actually, it was a cardboard cut-out of him. 58 00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:16,720 Now, then, David. 59 00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:20,520 Well, I think the best thing to celebrate with on a stage is this. 60 00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:22,160 OK. Now, admittedly... 61 00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:29,240 ..admittedly, it might seem a downbeat thing to celebrate with, 62 00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:31,880 but I thought you could add to it this. 63 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:33,120 You see? 64 00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:37,240 And then this. Right? 65 00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:38,720 Yeah! And then put it together - 66 00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:43,000 you have a street party with an open-top bus on stage. 67 00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:46,080 Lovely! That's cool. That's great. 68 00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:49,960 'And for those members of the community who have to use a mobility scooter, 69 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:52,040 I'm sure that'll give them a real lift. 70 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:57,200 So far, two things to celebrate on stage with 71 00:03:57,240 --> 00:03:59,760 have been really great. Katy? 72 00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:02,240 It's going to... It's about to get better. Woo! 73 00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:05,880 Um... what better way to celebrate on stage 74 00:04:05,920 --> 00:04:08,320 than with a candyfloss machine? 75 00:04:08,360 --> 00:04:11,840 There it is. It will be on stage at the end of the show. 76 00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:14,440 Is it a great thing to celebrate with? 77 00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:18,080 I tried to thing of something I hadn't seen anyone celebrate 78 00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:21,120 with on stage, but that I'd like to see someone... 79 00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:23,880 You know, it's an action, something to do with your hands. Yeah. 80 00:04:23,920 --> 00:04:27,400 There's Beyonce taking her final bow, whipping up a big pink one. 81 00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:31,440 I thought it was a bit of a camp laugh. 82 00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:34,120 Just paint a sit... It's a camp laugh. Paint a situation for me 83 00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:37,440 where you would celebrate with that big camp laugh, though. 84 00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:39,600 Like Wimbledon, something like that? 85 00:04:39,640 --> 00:04:41,680 Federer wins his ninth Wimbledon. Yeah. 86 00:04:41,720 --> 00:04:45,520 He runs round... Football. ..and he gets his racquet... 87 00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:49,160 Great. Any, like, ball-based sport, anything like that. 88 00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:53,360 So, Rose, can you possibly do worse than any of these people? 89 00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:57,320 I have brought along all of the accoutrements you would need 90 00:04:57,360 --> 00:04:59,800 for a ribbon-cutting ceremony. 91 00:04:59,840 --> 00:05:02,720 So I have over-sized scissors, 92 00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:05,360 ribbons, and, I think, staunchons? 93 00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:07,920 Stanchions. Stanchions. Sta... Yeah, I knew that. 94 00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:10,200 Er... stanchions. 95 00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:12,920 I think this would be a really good thing to celebrate with because, 96 00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:16,000 say you're a meer, you know... Meer? 97 00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:17,160 A mayor? Mayor. A mayor. 98 00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:19,120 That's closer to a meerkat than a mayor. 99 00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:23,440 You're the meer. All right... 100 00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:30,480 That's quite nice. 101 00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:34,000 I think it just adds a certain amount of ceremony to it. 102 00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:36,200 Like, if you're opening a new library, it's, like, 103 00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:39,416 'it's not a celebration until you've got a ribbon and a big old pair of scissors. 104 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:42,160 Listen, listen, that's supposed to be the best thing to celebrate 105 00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:45,160 with on stage. Yeah. Why am I opening a fucking library? 106 00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:49,280 'Oh, you've got to celebrate opening a library. You've got to celebrate... 107 00:05:49,320 --> 00:05:50,600 Not on stage! I love libraries. 108 00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:53,040 Are we erecting a stage for me to go and open a library? 109 00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:55,000 OK. Well, you know, chill out. 110 00:05:58,080 --> 00:05:59,320 One left. 111 00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:01,320 Errrr... Ed Gamble! Hello. 112 00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:05,520 Hello. Erm, I have brought the best thing to celebrate with on a stage. 113 00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:07,240 Yeah. I've made it myself. 114 00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:10,320 It's what I like to call my Confetti Cannon Party Pants. 115 00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:11,920 Here they are. 116 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:18,960 Right. 117 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:21,360 How sensitive is it? Does it go off very easily? 118 00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:28,440 Once you get used to it and become more experienced, you know, 119 00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:30,320 you can release it exactly when you want to. 120 00:06:30,360 --> 00:06:31,880 Yeah? Great. 121 00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:35,280 Any follow-up questions, Greg? 122 00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:36,480 Nope. 123 00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:42,800 If you came on stage with that, I would be celebrating straight away. 124 00:06:42,840 --> 00:06:46,120 You've all done well, so I'm not going to give anyone one point. 125 00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:47,520 Right. OK? OK. 126 00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:50,840 Cos I'm going to put Katy and Rose with two points. 127 00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:51,920 Joint fourth. 128 00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:54,760 I like David's bus because he took the trouble to staple a bus 129 00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:56,360 onto a mobility scooter 130 00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:59,560 and I think it's probably a very positive message somewhere... 131 00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:00,840 Somewhere. 132 00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:03,520 Four points I'm giving to Jo, 133 00:07:03,560 --> 00:07:05,920 just because I want to make sure 134 00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:08,600 that Andy Robinson doesn't get upset. 135 00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:12,400 With five points, because I want to see all sparks 136 00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:15,560 and things flying out of his willy - 137 00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:16,880 Ed Gamble! 138 00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:22,320 Let's get a proper task on the way... 139 00:07:22,360 --> 00:07:24,920 OK. ..you sweet, sweet baby. Well, thank you. 140 00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:26,240 Thank you, Daddy. 141 00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:28,160 OK, this one features water. 142 00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:46,440 Hello, Rose. Hi. 143 00:07:46,480 --> 00:07:49,720 Have a stand on the compass. 144 00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:51,680 Oh, compass, yeah. 145 00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:53,360 I can't see a task thing. 146 00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:56,920 Brilliant. 147 00:08:00,040 --> 00:08:01,160 Thank you. 148 00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:04,160 I can see you as an Elizabethan washerwoman. Thank you. 149 00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:05,640 You're welcome. 150 00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:07,720 I thought we were going to turn. 151 00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:12,200 I was just thinking, "How is this going to move?" 152 00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:14,360 Make the most striking water feature. 153 00:08:14,400 --> 00:08:16,160 You have 20 minutes. 154 00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:17,360 Your time starts now. 155 00:08:18,760 --> 00:08:19,760 Ah! 156 00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:23,160 'A water feature involves a continuous flow of water, doesn't it? 157 00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:24,400 Is there a hose? 158 00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:27,096 Yeah, there is a hose. I've seen it. Do you want me to get you a hose? 159 00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:30,600 Yeah. But I'd like it attached to something. Attached. Yep. OK. 160 00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:31,960 Got it? Yeah. 161 00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:38,480 There's an interesting contrast in the reaction... Yeah. 162 00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:39,840 ..to Ed's reaction. 163 00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:43,200 Because you were disappointed that we hadn't constructed a giant 164 00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:46,520 turntable underneath the concrete so that you could revolve around. 165 00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:48,000 Yeah, I think for a moment I thought 166 00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:50,200 I was, like, in the film Labyrinth or something. 167 00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:53,880 Whereas Ed saw some paper come through a mangle 168 00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:56,840 and was delighted by it! 169 00:08:56,880 --> 00:08:59,720 David became a really boring teacher. 170 00:08:59,760 --> 00:09:00,880 I wrote it down. 171 00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:03,800 "A water feature involves a constant supply of water." 172 00:09:05,560 --> 00:09:07,840 "Ugh, Mr Baddiel! 173 00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:10,400 "Can we go out and play?" 174 00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:13,960 Come on, tubeheads, let's see some action. 175 00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:18,200 Our first water feature film stars Rose Matafeo, Katy, 176 00:09:18,240 --> 00:09:20,760 and - it's everyone's favourite Brand - Jo. 177 00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:22,280 Here we go. 178 00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:24,560 Do you have a hose I can use? 179 00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:26,680 Where is it? Do you want me to go and get it for you? 180 00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:28,000 Yes, please. 181 00:09:28,040 --> 00:09:30,240 That attaches to a water source. 182 00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:32,480 Yes. Thank you. 183 00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:36,000 I think what I'm going to do is do a water feature in the sink. 184 00:09:38,880 --> 00:09:43,240 Oh. Oh, this is a bit more complicated than I thought, Alex. 185 00:09:58,560 --> 00:10:01,800 Well, what I'm going to do now, is I'm going to pour water... 186 00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:05,800 Here it comes! 187 00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:10,280 It's... SHE LAUGHS 188 00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:12,160 ..uh, striking. 189 00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:18,240 I don't really know what's going to happen. 190 00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:19,840 So, here we go. 191 00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:24,800 There we go. While you drink your cup of tea, 192 00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:28,480 and you listen to the gentle tinkling sound 193 00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:31,000 of a child's wee. 194 00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:33,280 It's a little bit uneven, 195 00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:34,880 but it sounds nice. 196 00:10:34,920 --> 00:10:37,000 I mean, I should add more stuff to it. 197 00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:39,840 I can't hear you very well because it's raining very hard. 198 00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:41,080 It is, isn't it? 199 00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:42,200 Yeah. 200 00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:46,960 I mean, I feel like I'm the water feature, you know what I'm saying? 201 00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:49,040 Can I have a bit more water, please? 202 00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:52,640 A bit more, please. 203 00:10:52,680 --> 00:10:54,520 Here it comes. 204 00:10:54,560 --> 00:10:56,840 It's going to go into bloody space! 205 00:10:58,000 --> 00:10:59,760 Oh, my God, it's going to explode. 206 00:11:02,680 --> 00:11:03,680 There it goes. 207 00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:07,600 Is that your striking water feature? 208 00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:08,960 Yep. There she goes. 209 00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:11,600 Look at that, that's beautiful. 210 00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:13,440 Wow. 211 00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:15,920 I think there's not much coming out of this duck. 212 00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:17,200 No, it's OK, oh...! 213 00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:27,800 It doesn't make a very relaxing noise at the end. 214 00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:35,800 It was really great up until the point you revealed 215 00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:38,520 that you were pouring a child's urine through it 216 00:11:38,560 --> 00:11:41,840 'and that it collapsed, but it was really spectacular up until that point. 217 00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:45,136 'Yeah, I thought it was working really well. I quite like the bit at the end. Yeah. 218 00:11:45,160 --> 00:11:48,480 And I thought yours was a fairly powerful metaphor, Rose, 219 00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:50,760 for what humanity's done to the planet. 220 00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:53,360 Yeah. That's what it was supposed to be. Have I read that right? 221 00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:54,560 Absolutely. Yeah? 222 00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:56,640 Um, now, then... Now. 223 00:11:56,680 --> 00:11:59,920 ..talk about promising big things and not delivering. 224 00:11:59,960 --> 00:12:02,000 Mine had, um... Mine had meaning. 225 00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:04,440 The clattering in the shed... Yep. 226 00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:07,400 ..I was thinking, "This is going to be incredible, this thing." 227 00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:10,760 And then you came out with a piggy bank with a hole in it. 228 00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:14,320 Yeah. You must have been... 229 00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:15,840 I did it with a big knife. 230 00:12:15,880 --> 00:12:17,720 Then you stuck the hose in and I thought, 231 00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:19,280 "Oh, she's back in the game here" 232 00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:21,760 "because that pig is going to explode." 233 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:24,240 By the end it had a good old... good old height on it. No. 234 00:12:24,280 --> 00:12:25,800 It was a squirting pig. 235 00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:28,480 I think the way the thing... 236 00:12:28,520 --> 00:12:31,840 I managed to get it standing upright was quite clever, with gravel. 237 00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:35,520 'Oh. That's true. That really helped. Yes. Yes. Without that, it would have been bad. 238 00:12:35,560 --> 00:12:38,200 Oh, no, you're right. Cos for a second, I thought you just bashed 239 00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:40,040 a hole in a piggy bank and stuck a hose in it. 240 00:12:42,680 --> 00:12:44,560 Ooh, two water features to go, 241 00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:47,200 but you're going to have to wait for them. Sorry! 242 00:12:58,440 --> 00:13:02,760 Hello! Welcome back to Taskmaster. 243 00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:05,000 Alex, can you remind us what we've been watching? 244 00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:06,120 Yes, please. Yes, please! 245 00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:09,960 The current task involves making the most striking water feature. 246 00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:13,080 Which is why Katy used a piggy bank, Jo piled up some crockery 247 00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:14,760 and Rose found a Wellington boot. 248 00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:18,840 But there's hope now in the form of David and Ed. 249 00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:20,720 Right, let's see what we've got. 250 00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:23,440 What are you going to do, Ed? 251 00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:26,240 OK, so, what we need to do is a fountain. 252 00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:29,120 Probably using the bath, I suppose. OK. 253 00:13:29,160 --> 00:13:31,360 Elevation is key. 254 00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:33,520 Have we got any other funnels? 255 00:13:33,560 --> 00:13:35,640 Have we got any other funnels? Yeah. 256 00:13:35,680 --> 00:13:37,120 You can make a funnel. 257 00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:39,240 No, that's not what I want. 258 00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:40,880 OK, well, stand in the bath. 259 00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:43,960 You want me to stand in the bath? Yeah. 260 00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:46,360 Well, also I want you to be like a... 261 00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:48,080 You, know, like a Greek god. 262 00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:50,480 Can you take your top off? 263 00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:54,920 Yes. OK. 264 00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:56,920 How do you feel about... 265 00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:58,400 ..popping your top off? 266 00:13:58,440 --> 00:13:59,920 I don't like doing it. 267 00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:02,560 I want you to take your top off for the water feature. 268 00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:04,520 Just... Don't take your trousers off. 269 00:14:04,560 --> 00:14:07,280 No, I wasn't going... I was just loosening that bit. 270 00:14:07,320 --> 00:14:10,320 Is there a pitchfork? I think I've seen a pitchfork. 271 00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:12,200 How much hair do you have on your chest? 272 00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:13,880 More than you'd think. OK. 273 00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:17,800 Ooh. 274 00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:21,480 So can you look like, sort of, like Neptune? 275 00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:23,280 Hold that like it's a... 276 00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:24,800 Oh, yeah. Like that. 277 00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:26,480 And look... A faraway look in your eyes. 278 00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:27,960 Yeah that's... that's brilliant. 279 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:29,160 Is that Neptune-y? 280 00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:30,720 No, that looks sort of Russian. 281 00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:32,960 Could you hold these...? 282 00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:36,320 Yep. 283 00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:37,720 Crown. 284 00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:41,016 'How's it going to come out of both? Well, this is what I'm trying to work out, Alex. 285 00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:43,680 Just putting this in for detail. OK. 286 00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:46,240 Am I doing the right thing? You look sexy. 287 00:14:53,880 --> 00:14:55,360 Have you got any spare trousers? 288 00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:57,840 Well, I wasn't planning to spray any of the water out of me. 289 00:14:57,880 --> 00:15:00,280 Oh, fine. You're just top off? Yeah. 290 00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:02,920 Oh, I... The top off's really solidarity. Right. 291 00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:04,840 Oh! Yeah, that's going to happen, mate. 292 00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:06,680 Strap in, you're a mermaid. 293 00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:09,360 OK, can you do the faraway look? Put that on your head. 294 00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:12,160 That's disappointing. 295 00:15:14,040 --> 00:15:15,560 Shit. 296 00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:17,280 There you are. That's kind of better. 297 00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:18,440 What do you want me to do? 298 00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:20,440 Just look... look faraway eyes. 299 00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:22,680 The sea, the sea, the waves. 300 00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:25,720 I don't know why I've got my top off. 301 00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:30,000 So, here's how it's going to go. You're going to spray some 302 00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:31,720 water out your mouth when I give it to you 303 00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:34,160 and then you're going to sing, ♪ Ah, ah, ohh, ah, ahh, ah, oh 304 00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:36,600 ♪ I am a mermaid who lives by the sea 305 00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:39,240 ♪ Why won't a sailor come visit me? ♪ 306 00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:41,000 Right? OK. 307 00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:46,000 Go. 308 00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:51,600 ♪ Ah, ah, ohh, ah, ahh, ah, oh 309 00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:54,800 ♪ I am a mermaid who lives in the sea 310 00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:57,920 ♪ Why won't a sailor come visit me? ♪ 311 00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:01,800 There you go. Look at that. 312 00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:03,680 That's perfect now, you see. 313 00:16:03,720 --> 00:16:05,040 Yay. The crowds roar. 314 00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:14,720 Perfect. 315 00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:16,160 Thank you, Alex. 316 00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:17,320 Cheers, mate. 317 00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:18,360 Ed! 318 00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:21,240 There we go. 319 00:16:24,440 --> 00:16:26,040 Thank you, David. 320 00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:27,800 I'll take this back to the kitchen. 321 00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:34,120 I mean... 322 00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:38,480 I mean, we barely need to discuss it. 323 00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:40,720 One of the most triumphant things I've seen. 324 00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:44,520 That beautiful merman. 325 00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:46,920 Just one boob... One boob spraying. 326 00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:49,616 We were trying for a while to get two boobs going, weren't we, Alex? 327 00:16:49,640 --> 00:16:51,976 YOU were trying for quite a while. I was trying for a while. 328 00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:53,320 We decided that... You decided. 329 00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:54,360 I decided... 330 00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:59,240 I decided it was preferable to have a strong jet from one 331 00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:01,600 rather than a dribble from both. 332 00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:02,720 I couldn't agree more. 333 00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:05,136 As soon as he went into the shed, he went, "I know what to do," 334 00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:07,480 with very grim determination, and then set about it. 335 00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:10,040 Whereas, David's felt like it was more on the hoof. 336 00:17:10,080 --> 00:17:11,080 Well... 337 00:17:12,120 --> 00:17:15,960 Whilst I enjoyed the final image, this is what it put me in mind of. 338 00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:18,320 It put me in mind of two middle-aged blokes... 339 00:17:18,360 --> 00:17:20,880 Yes. ..who have told their wives 340 00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:23,840 that they're going to be building a water feature 341 00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:28,800 so that they can enjoy openly homoerotic fun. 342 00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:34,240 It was a water-feature-based Brokeback Mountain for me. 343 00:17:34,280 --> 00:17:37,400 Yeah, no, we fell in love while it was happening, as far as I remember. 344 00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:38,440 You fell in love. 345 00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:42,440 "Oh, no, it looks like my top's fallen off as well. 346 00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:46,880 "Oh, whatever will our wives think?" 347 00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:52,600 OK, look, let me give out some points. 348 00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:54,400 I don't think it's that difficult. Right. 349 00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:57,040 I'm going to go least striking water feature... Yes. 350 00:17:57,080 --> 00:18:00,400 I feel guilty about doing it because 351 00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:03,080 the preparation sounded so spectacular. 352 00:18:03,120 --> 00:18:05,720 Oh, here we go. But the least striking water feature for me 353 00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:08,960 was Katy's dribbling pig. So I can only give her one point. OK. 354 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:10,040 I apologise. Fine. 355 00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:14,920 The second least spectacular, striking water feature, for me, 356 00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:20,440 because it utilised household equipment, I'm giving Jo two points. 357 00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:21,480 Right. Two to Jo. 358 00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:24,720 And because of its powerful metaphor... 359 00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:28,080 Ooh. ..I'm giving Rose three points. OK, now, then... 360 00:18:28,120 --> 00:18:32,800 And now, David's hot, sexy bit of water feature gets four points. 361 00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:36,120 And, obviously, the one-boobed, jet-propulsion mermaid 362 00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:37,600 takes five points! 363 00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:42,720 S to the C, to the O-R-E. 364 00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:44,040 Scoreboard, please. 365 00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:46,280 OK. Well, first of all, I can tell you the series scores 366 00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:47,640 at this stage, it's exciting. 367 00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:51,520 We have joint fourth place, Jo and David both have 48 points. 368 00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:52,840 Katy's got 56. 369 00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:54,640 Rose has got 57. 370 00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:57,680 Ed has zoomed up into the lead with 62 points. 371 00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:58,720 Zoomed. 372 00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:02,880 Currently, Katy's in last with three 373 00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:05,400 and Ed is in the lead with ten points! 374 00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:06,440 There we go. 375 00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:09,600 A maximum. A maximum ten. 376 00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:12,840 Full marks for little Gamble. 377 00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:15,600 OK, so, do you have something more sociable this time? 378 00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:16,920 More sociable. I do, actually. 379 00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:19,880 I have a sociable task and it's a team task so it's double sociable. 380 00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:21,840 And here it is. Mmm. 381 00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:37,400 Oh, hello, Jo. Oh, hello, Alex. 382 00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:39,320 Hello, Alex. Hello, David. 383 00:19:39,360 --> 00:19:40,640 Hello, Ed. Hello, Alex. 384 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,120 Hello, Katy. Hello. 385 00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:44,800 Hello, Rose. You remember my name, this is awesome. 386 00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:46,160 Oh, it's Rose. 387 00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:49,600 Is opening the task the task? 388 00:19:51,120 --> 00:19:53,880 Ooh. Woo! Oh! 389 00:19:56,960 --> 00:19:59,600 Bring a classic board game to life. 390 00:19:59,640 --> 00:20:02,160 Best real-life board game wins. 391 00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:03,840 You have one hour. 392 00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:06,800 Your time starts now. 393 00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:07,960 Right. I love it. 394 00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:09,720 What, erm, board games do you...? 395 00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:11,680 Well, not one that everyone will think of. 396 00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:14,976 'Let's all say a board game at the same time and see if we're thinking the same thing. 397 00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:17,320 A classic we want to bring to life. Right, three, two, one. 398 00:20:17,360 --> 00:20:18,360 Cluedo. Chess. 399 00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:23,880 Let's rule out Snakes And Ladders... Mm-hm. ..chess. 400 00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:24,920 KerPlunk? 401 00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:26,640 Oh, yeah. Jenga? 402 00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:28,040 Buckaroo? Mouse Trap? 403 00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:29,640 Mouse Trap's good. 404 00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:34,040 And another one called Operation Seelowe, 405 00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:36,800 which was about the Nazi invasion of Britain. 406 00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:38,000 Can we do that one? 407 00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:41,960 Yeah, so... Jenga, Operation. Oh, Operation's quite funny. 408 00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:44,520 What about that one Don't Wake Dad? 409 00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:45,560 Don't Wake Dad. 410 00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:49,840 But what about the one that's like a medical one? 411 00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:50,880 What's it called? 412 00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:52,480 Operation. Operation with, like... 413 00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:55,760 And you have to take out a liver and a spleen from a person. 414 00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:00,600 Happy memories. 415 00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:04,840 I don't like keeping drawing a distinction 416 00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:07,600 between the two age groups, 417 00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:11,880 but it does fascinate me that the three younger people were, 418 00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:15,120 like, getting all excited, listing game, after game, after game, 419 00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:18,040 and the first thing that David mentions is a game that 420 00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:20,920 no-one's heard of about the scourge of the Nazis. 421 00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:25,320 Yeah, Operation Seelowe. 422 00:21:25,360 --> 00:21:29,800 It was a war game in which the Nazis invaded Britain or, 423 00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:32,400 as a Jew, it was a nightmare that I once had. 424 00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:34,000 I'm not entirely sure. One of the two. 425 00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:35,960 Amazing that you knew Operation Seelowe 426 00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:38,280 but couldn't remember the name of Operation. 427 00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:44,320 A board game will be brought to life right after 428 00:21:44,360 --> 00:21:47,880 the following really, really, really, really great adverts! 429 00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:00,760 Hello! 430 00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:03,480 Welcome back to Taskmaster, it's good to have you here. 431 00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:06,480 Yes, and important. Viewers are very important. 432 00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:07,520 Board games, then. 433 00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:09,560 First of all, we're going to see the team of three, 434 00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:11,560 that's Rosie, Eddy and Kate. 435 00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:12,600 Here we go. 436 00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:23,120 One, two, three. 437 00:22:25,120 --> 00:22:27,920 Well, this is a mighty fine-looking donkey here. 438 00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:30,680 I wonder if it can take the weight of my little fiddle. 439 00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:37,800 Well, look at this disgusting sandal. 440 00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:43,000 It's got Velcro on it, which is ideal for my purposes. 441 00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:45,560 Well, you can't forget old Grandma's rolling pin. 442 00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:53,360 Uh-oh, the donkey sounds mighty agitated. 443 00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:54,960 Angry, angry eyes. 444 00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:56,880 Y'all gon' fishing. 445 00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:01,320 Here comes the wine rack. 446 00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:04,280 Watch your ears. 447 00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:06,360 A wooden spoon. 448 00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:08,160 A horse on a donkey. 449 00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:10,480 A horse next to a violin. 450 00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:27,880 I suppose the only thing I've got is the playability element of it 451 00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:30,240 because Buckaroo, which I didn't have as a child, 452 00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:33,680 because my mum selfishly wouldn't buy it. It's OK. But some of my... 453 00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:38,560 Some of my wealthier friends did have it. 454 00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:39,960 It had a spring system... 455 00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:42,280 Sure. ..and so in the original game, 456 00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:45,920 you two would be nervous about when the Buckaroo was going to kick. 457 00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:48,520 This was very much on the whim of the donkey. 458 00:23:48,560 --> 00:23:51,640 But we brought... It said bring it to life. Bring it to life. 459 00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:54,320 You know, we didn't have a spring because we had an actual person. 460 00:23:54,360 --> 00:23:56,240 If you wanted a playable version of Buckaroo, 461 00:23:56,280 --> 00:23:57,800 we could have just bought Buckaroo. 462 00:23:57,840 --> 00:23:58,880 Yeah. Yeah. 463 00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:02,000 I just think you should've attached some sort of spring system to Ed 464 00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:03,640 so that he wasn't in control of when... 465 00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:06,000 How do you know there wasn't one? I am the spring system! 466 00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:07,360 Yeah, he's the spring system. 467 00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:09,360 Yeah, but you're a conscious being. 468 00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:10,400 Oh, I'm so sorry! 469 00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:15,720 'The original... You are right, the original had three sensitivity levels 470 00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:17,880 that were adjustable via a switch under the saddle. 471 00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:20,440 Yeah, there was nothing like that. 472 00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:22,800 I've got three sensitivity levels. 473 00:24:22,840 --> 00:24:25,520 And I'll be honest, I'm on my top fucking one right now! 474 00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:32,200 We've had one attempt involving a donkey and a wine rack. 475 00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:34,440 Here comes David and Jo's attempt. 476 00:24:45,440 --> 00:24:48,280 So, I'm going to go for your kidney. 477 00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:49,880 OK. 478 00:24:51,480 --> 00:24:53,720 I think you did it without touching my body so... 479 00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:54,800 Right, I think I did. 480 00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:57,120 I'm going to try a challenge now. OK. 481 00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:03,400 So, one point to you, was that, Jo? One point to me. 482 00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:06,000 OK, I'm going to go for butterfly. 483 00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:10,080 BUZZER WAILS Ow. Oh. 484 00:25:10,120 --> 00:25:11,240 Really hurt. 485 00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:13,040 Ow! My brain fell off. Oh. 486 00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:17,160 No, I'm afraid... Oh, no. 487 00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:18,800 Oh, God, this is going to be hard. 488 00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:27,680 Whee! That's all right. Yeah, you've done it. Yeah! 489 00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:29,320 Hang on, am I left with anything else? 490 00:25:29,360 --> 00:25:30,600 Surgeon extraordinaire. 491 00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:33,200 Thank you, David. Swift recovery, I hope. 492 00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:34,840 See you later. Bye-bye. 493 00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:39,600 Well, I've got a lot of questions here. 494 00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:42,000 I'm going to ask the first one to Jo. 495 00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:45,000 How soon was it into the task 496 00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:47,440 when David volunteered to take his clothes off? 497 00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:52,520 About two seconds. 498 00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:53,560 Incredible, isn't it? 499 00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:55,360 I've got a question for you now, David. Yes. 500 00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:57,840 Why were you hitting yourself so hard? 501 00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:00,800 I don't really know why. 502 00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:03,320 Well, possibly because part of the homoerotic experience 503 00:26:03,360 --> 00:26:06,200 of this show is to hurt myself. 504 00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:08,120 I haven't really worked that out. 505 00:26:08,160 --> 00:26:09,920 What, for me, was so charming about the game 506 00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:12,680 is that you'd so painstakingly replaced the organs of the body 507 00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:16,440 with child-friendly things - a butterfly, a cauliflower, 508 00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:18,960 oh, and of course an actual kidney. 509 00:26:21,920 --> 00:26:24,360 This is a very tough decision for me, I'll tell you that now, 510 00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:26,360 cos I thought they were both excellent games. 511 00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:29,520 You know, it's not like me to cop out but I am going to cop out. 512 00:26:29,560 --> 00:26:31,280 I'm going to give them both three points, 513 00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:33,720 that's what I'm going to do, I can't separate them. 514 00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:37,840 Woo! 515 00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:38,880 What's next? 516 00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:43,160 Well, we've got one more task. 517 00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:47,080 And this one's All Because The Davies Loves Tray. Ready? 518 00:27:03,560 --> 00:27:04,560 Hi. 519 00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:06,680 Hello, Katy. Hey. Hey, tray. 520 00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:13,640 "Say a letter of the alphabet." 521 00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:21,760 {\an8}Thank you. 522 00:27:29,360 --> 00:27:31,280 {\an8}"Put the most things beginning with the letter 523 00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:33,000 {\an8}"you just said on this tray." 524 00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:36,920 '"The tray may not leave Alex and Alex may not leave the lab." 525 00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:40,360 '"Most things beginning with the letter you just said on the tray 526 00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:43,440 '"in five minutes from now wins." 527 00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:45,880 'So, can I go walking about? 528 00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:48,240 'All right. Bye. 529 00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:50,440 'I might just not come back but I'll have a look. 530 00:27:50,480 --> 00:27:51,960 'OK, then. Thanks, Jo. 531 00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:53,360 "Say a letter of the alphabet. 532 00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:54,480 "You have ten seconds. 533 00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:56,160 "Your time starts now." 534 00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:58,200 A letter of the alphabet. 535 00:28:07,120 --> 00:28:08,320 "Ha-ha-ha. 536 00:28:08,360 --> 00:28:10,120 "You must now pick a letter of the alphabet 537 00:28:10,160 --> 00:28:11,440 "and say that letter out loud." 538 00:28:17,800 --> 00:28:20,360 You must be so proud of yourself that that worked. 539 00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:27,000 {\an8}That's a mistake, wasn't it? 540 00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:28,040 {\an8}Bollocks. 541 00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:37,200 You had an unfortunate experience with little Alex Horne, 542 00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:38,240 didn't you, Ed? 543 00:28:38,280 --> 00:28:41,041 I genuinely panicked and I didn't know what we were supposed to do, so 544 00:28:41,080 --> 00:28:43,000 I panicked and said, "A letter of the alphabet." 545 00:28:43,040 --> 00:28:44,840 Yeah, and he threw it in your face, didn't he? 546 00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:47,400 Threw it right back in my face. By predicting your little joke. 547 00:28:47,440 --> 00:28:51,456 'I only had the envelope in... Just for you. I knew it was going to be you doing it. Did you? No, really? 548 00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:55,600 'He did predict it would be you that did it as well. You might like to reflect on that. 549 00:28:57,520 --> 00:28:59,480 Doesn't excuse him getting all cocky, though. 550 00:28:59,520 --> 00:29:02,160 Alex, you should tell someone if you're being bullied. 551 00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:04,480 You can tell someone. 552 00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:09,080 I don't care. Why are you telling me? 553 00:29:12,680 --> 00:29:14,360 I didn't mean that. I'm horrible. 554 00:29:15,600 --> 00:29:16,800 I'm horrible. 555 00:29:16,840 --> 00:29:19,160 You fell into a little trap, then, didn't you? I did, yeah. 556 00:29:19,200 --> 00:29:20,560 Good. That's him back in his box. 557 00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:22,040 Come on, let's see some stuff. 558 00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:24,920 OK, well, these two both went for B. 559 00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:27,360 Let's see what they gathered, it's Jo and Katy. 560 00:29:29,280 --> 00:29:30,800 OK. 561 00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:32,640 That doesn't begin with B. 562 00:29:33,760 --> 00:29:36,040 Do they have to be all different things? 563 00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:38,120 All the information's on the task, Katy. 564 00:29:39,200 --> 00:29:40,200 Oh, shit. 565 00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:42,160 These are biscuits. 566 00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:46,320 OK? Yes. 567 00:29:46,360 --> 00:29:47,880 Just trying to count them. 568 00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:53,760 Bread. 569 00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:55,840 These are birthday candles, OK? 570 00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:57,320 And you're sure they begin with B? 571 00:29:57,360 --> 00:29:59,440 Yeah, cos they're birthday candles. 572 00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:01,560 You've got one minute, Jo! 573 00:30:01,600 --> 00:30:03,280 OK. 574 00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:07,440 baby's head, bottle. 575 00:30:07,480 --> 00:30:08,600 Butter. Mm-hm. 576 00:30:10,320 --> 00:30:11,640 Ten seconds, Jo. 577 00:30:21,400 --> 00:30:22,400 Box. 578 00:30:22,440 --> 00:30:23,560 A bag. 579 00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:26,120 Here's a box. Another box. 580 00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:27,760 Bra? 581 00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:29,480 Only got five seconds. 582 00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:32,000 Takes everyone longer than that. 583 00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:33,840 Even the pros. 584 00:30:34,960 --> 00:30:37,000 What do you mean by pros? 585 00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:38,240 Tell you after. 586 00:30:44,400 --> 00:30:47,280 I was not surprised that Jo didn't come and go 587 00:30:47,320 --> 00:30:52,080 because she has minimised movement during this whole competition. 588 00:30:52,120 --> 00:30:55,120 She went round, she gathered her things. Bam! There. 589 00:30:55,160 --> 00:30:58,480 I thought if I went twice, I might have to call an ambulance. 590 00:30:58,520 --> 00:31:00,880 All her things, also, were beginning with B, I think. 591 00:31:00,920 --> 00:31:03,000 Bread, banana, brush, bottle, butter, bog roll. 592 00:31:03,040 --> 00:31:05,320 Happy with bog roll? Yeah. So what was her total? 593 00:31:05,360 --> 00:31:08,480 136 things or 9 different things. 594 00:31:08,520 --> 00:31:11,280 Oh, no, we'll count the 136. Let's get that straight, straight away. 595 00:31:11,320 --> 00:31:12,320 Right, OK. 596 00:31:12,360 --> 00:31:16,640 Which means that Katy got 168 if you include the 66 birthday candles. 597 00:31:16,680 --> 00:31:19,360 Well, if you have bog roll, you've got to have birthday candles. OK. 598 00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:22,720 Course you have. Cos it's loo roll. One follows the other. Yeah. 599 00:31:22,760 --> 00:31:26,440 Good. And I obviously enjoyed watching Alex squirm 600 00:31:26,480 --> 00:31:28,520 when pros were raised at the end. 601 00:31:28,560 --> 00:31:30,960 Well, she was threatening to take her bra off in ten seconds. 602 00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:33,160 I thought it was fun flirting, it wasn't threatening. 603 00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:35,760 So, these boys can take... David Baddiel can take his top off... 604 00:31:35,800 --> 00:31:37,800 Yeah! ..and she can't flip her bloody her bra off. 605 00:31:37,840 --> 00:31:38,920 I blushed at that as well. 606 00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:41,560 Hey-hey-hey-hey! I'm all for Katy whipping her bra off. 607 00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:44,600 Do you want to see some more? Yes, please. 608 00:31:44,640 --> 00:31:47,080 OK, we're going to see E with D and R with P. 609 00:31:54,240 --> 00:31:55,920 How many's that? 610 00:31:55,960 --> 00:31:57,080 Is that my job? 611 00:31:57,120 --> 00:31:58,360 No, it's not. It's my job. 612 00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:01,640 Dinner plates, 613 00:32:01,680 --> 00:32:03,800 disposable gloves. 614 00:32:03,840 --> 00:32:05,560 Hi, Rose. Hello. 615 00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:07,720 Pimm's. Oh, that's a nice combination. 616 00:32:07,760 --> 00:32:08,840 Dextrose tablets. 617 00:32:11,560 --> 00:32:14,120 Each of those is a thing and that's dextrose packet. 618 00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:17,440 Diabetic equipment. Pardon? 619 00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:19,560 Diabetic equipment! 620 00:32:19,600 --> 00:32:20,600 Pipe. 621 00:32:21,880 --> 00:32:23,400 It's a tube, fuck. 622 00:32:23,440 --> 00:32:25,920 I'm a stickler for the rules. 623 00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:27,640 Drinks holders. Drinks holders? 624 00:32:27,680 --> 00:32:28,680 Yeah. 625 00:32:30,320 --> 00:32:31,320 Petals. 626 00:32:32,760 --> 00:32:34,360 Diet sodas. 627 00:32:36,080 --> 00:32:38,280 Would you count this as newspaper or paper? 628 00:32:38,320 --> 00:32:40,000 It's up to you. 629 00:32:40,040 --> 00:32:41,640 Just count that as paper. No. 630 00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:44,640 Dips, dairy. 631 00:32:47,160 --> 00:32:48,800 Dask. Pardon? 632 00:32:48,840 --> 00:32:51,080 Dask. The dask. 633 00:32:51,120 --> 00:32:52,960 Thank you, Rose. Thank you. 634 00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:56,040 Peas, petals, Pimm's and paper. Yes. 635 00:33:01,920 --> 00:33:04,000 I mean, strong from both people, obviously. 636 00:33:04,040 --> 00:33:06,720 The peas, what an opener. You've got to be pleased with the peas. 637 00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:09,040 I was trying to, like, follow some rules cos I have... 638 00:33:09,080 --> 00:33:12,160 I feel like I've got a moral compass and I... 639 00:33:12,200 --> 00:33:14,000 Not like these clowns. 640 00:33:14,040 --> 00:33:17,320 Well, I mean, drink receptacles for... I mean, that's... 641 00:33:17,360 --> 00:33:20,800 Drink receptacles, my sweet ass. 642 00:33:20,840 --> 00:33:23,720 But I just... I got... I wish I'd put newspaper on there, that's all. 643 00:33:23,760 --> 00:33:26,920 But, you know... She did put 25 sheets of paper... Yep. 644 00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:30,680 ..30 petals, one bottle of Pimm's, 250 peas, so it's... 645 00:33:30,720 --> 00:33:31,960 Whoa! 646 00:33:35,200 --> 00:33:36,640 Erm, Ed. Hello. 647 00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:39,200 Well, let's just strike drinks holders right off now. 648 00:33:39,240 --> 00:33:41,760 How many would it have been if I'd been allowed drinks holders? 649 00:33:41,800 --> 00:33:43,440 Loads. 111. Fine. 650 00:33:43,480 --> 00:33:45,560 Victory or nothing, right? Fuck it. I call 'em cups. 651 00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:46,640 Yeah. 652 00:33:50,840 --> 00:33:54,840 That's it for this part but come back for some big stage celebrations 653 00:33:54,880 --> 00:33:58,080 and David Baddiel scrabbling about with things beginning with Q. 654 00:34:09,640 --> 00:34:11,440 Hello again! 655 00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:13,680 It's part four, and you know what that means? 656 00:34:13,720 --> 00:34:15,160 No, it can't be. It is. 657 00:34:15,200 --> 00:34:17,360 Really? Really. 658 00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:19,120 Recap time! 659 00:34:23,320 --> 00:34:26,360 So, before the break, the contestants picked a letter 660 00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:28,576 and then had to go and fetch as many things as they could 661 00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:30,640 beginning with that letter and pop them on my tray. 662 00:34:30,680 --> 00:34:32,800 David Baddiel picked the letter Q. 663 00:34:32,840 --> 00:34:34,360 Here is his attempt. 664 00:34:37,280 --> 00:34:39,800 So, I don't think I made clear, when I did this show, 665 00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:44,000 I filled in a health form, cos I sometimes have a speech defect. 666 00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:45,920 So this is a quamera. 667 00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:47,560 That's how I pronounce it. 668 00:34:47,600 --> 00:34:50,080 Quanana, quorange, quapple, 669 00:34:50,120 --> 00:34:52,520 tape queasure. Pardon? 670 00:34:52,560 --> 00:34:55,600 Queasure, I pronounce queasure. But you're calling that a tape queasure? 671 00:34:55,640 --> 00:34:57,880 It's a tape queasure, yeah. But beginning with Q. 672 00:34:57,920 --> 00:34:59,280 Queasure. 673 00:34:59,320 --> 00:35:01,280 Quorange, another quorange. 674 00:35:01,320 --> 00:35:03,000 Quck, quock. 675 00:35:03,040 --> 00:35:04,320 How do you spell clock? 676 00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:09,200 Quock? C-K. Quock. 677 00:35:09,240 --> 00:35:11,000 Q-U... That's how I pronounce it. 678 00:35:11,040 --> 00:35:15,160 I know it's spelt C-L-O-C-K but I pronounce it quock. Hmm. 679 00:35:18,320 --> 00:35:20,920 Actually, that's wrong, isn't it? 680 00:35:20,960 --> 00:35:22,400 I spell it like that, too. 681 00:35:24,360 --> 00:35:27,560 Quiraffe, quaby with a leaf in its head, 682 00:35:27,600 --> 00:35:29,960 Queg Davies, Qualex Horne. 683 00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:31,600 Quow, quenis. 684 00:35:33,720 --> 00:35:36,640 And this is what Americans call quoffee. 685 00:35:38,440 --> 00:35:39,960 I think I've won that one. Do you? 686 00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:42,840 Yeah. Your speech sounds better now. 687 00:35:42,880 --> 00:35:44,800 I think I've quon that one. 688 00:35:45,960 --> 00:35:47,880 Qwell. 689 00:35:47,920 --> 00:35:49,240 Thank you, David. Thanks. 690 00:35:55,240 --> 00:35:58,160 Well, stop the press, I'm going to allow quoffee. 691 00:36:00,520 --> 00:36:03,200 Thank you very much. The rest of it was quap, wasn't it? 692 00:36:04,680 --> 00:36:06,480 The quappest thing we've seen. 693 00:36:06,520 --> 00:36:10,400 'He was unlucky. I mean, he missed... There were quite a few things around the house. Were there? 694 00:36:10,440 --> 00:36:12,520 In the fridge there was quail eggs, quiche, quince, 695 00:36:12,560 --> 00:36:14,120 half a quesadilla, and genuinely... 696 00:36:14,160 --> 00:36:18,120 What? You put special Q stuff in the fridge in case someone picked Q? 697 00:36:18,160 --> 00:36:19,560 We thought someone might pick Q. 698 00:36:19,600 --> 00:36:22,120 And there was also 60 packs of Quavers, just so you know. 699 00:36:24,040 --> 00:36:26,400 60 packs of Quavers? Yeah, and if you'd emptied them out... 700 00:36:26,440 --> 00:36:27,856 Oh, my God, if you emptied those out 701 00:36:27,880 --> 00:36:29,560 it would've been thousands of Quavers. 702 00:36:29,600 --> 00:36:31,560 Yeah, but he would have gone, "Quisps." 703 00:36:35,920 --> 00:36:37,000 I feel terrible. 704 00:36:38,360 --> 00:36:39,800 So David gets one point, 705 00:36:39,840 --> 00:36:42,880 two for Ed, three for Jo, four for Katy 706 00:36:42,920 --> 00:36:46,120 but Rose Matafeo, with a pure entry, gets five points. 707 00:36:50,640 --> 00:36:53,280 Let's take a glance at the scores. 708 00:36:53,320 --> 00:36:55,080 OK, well, it goes 10, 11, 12, 13, 709 00:36:55,120 --> 00:36:57,560 but at the top is Ed Gamble with 15 points. 710 00:36:57,600 --> 00:36:58,720 Whoa! 711 00:37:02,920 --> 00:37:04,480 Will you please vacate the area? 712 00:37:04,520 --> 00:37:07,120 Head to the stage for the final task of the show! 713 00:37:18,120 --> 00:37:19,800 Who will read the task out? 714 00:37:19,840 --> 00:37:22,200 David Baddiel's going to read this one. 715 00:37:22,240 --> 00:37:25,480 Throw your things far but not too far. 716 00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:29,120 Taking it in turns, you must select a thing 717 00:37:29,160 --> 00:37:32,360 and throw it beyond the line but not off the runway. 718 00:37:33,480 --> 00:37:39,080 If your thing does not end up in the safe zone, you are disqualified. 719 00:37:39,120 --> 00:37:41,240 If all objects end up in the safe zone, 720 00:37:41,280 --> 00:37:43,840 the person who has thrown their thing 721 00:37:43,880 --> 00:37:46,720 the shortest distance is disqualified. 722 00:37:46,760 --> 00:37:51,040 You may not manipulate your things in any way before throwing them. 723 00:37:51,080 --> 00:37:54,040 Last player standing wins. 724 00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:56,240 Got it. Have you? Yeah. 725 00:37:56,280 --> 00:37:58,960 You pick a thing, you've gotta get it over that line 726 00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:02,280 but not off the thing. If you get it off the thing, you're disqualified. 727 00:38:02,320 --> 00:38:04,760 If everyone gets their things within the safe zone 728 00:38:04,800 --> 00:38:06,960 then the person who's thrown it the shortest distance 729 00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:09,800 over that line is eliminated, and we keep going and picking a new thing 730 00:38:09,840 --> 00:38:12,760 until everyone's out apart from one person who's the winner of the task. 731 00:38:12,800 --> 00:38:13,800 Correct. 732 00:38:15,720 --> 00:38:18,720 They applauded but I still didn't understand. 733 00:38:18,760 --> 00:38:20,440 It's like an educational video 734 00:38:20,480 --> 00:38:22,200 showing the collapse of the human mind. 735 00:38:24,240 --> 00:38:26,520 They've got a swimming noodle, an egg, a birthday card 736 00:38:26,560 --> 00:38:27,800 and a grain of rice. OK? 737 00:38:27,840 --> 00:38:30,600 Oh, I chucked the grain of rice, I thought it was dirt. 738 00:38:38,040 --> 00:38:41,560 OK, on the whistle, please choose your first item and hold it aloft. 739 00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:42,800 One, two, three. 740 00:38:42,840 --> 00:38:47,040 OK. Egg, egg, rice, egg, noodle. 741 00:38:47,080 --> 00:38:48,680 That's the order. Let's play. 742 00:38:48,720 --> 00:38:50,880 OK, it's Ed to throw first. 743 00:38:50,920 --> 00:38:52,400 Remember the shortest distance, 744 00:38:52,440 --> 00:38:54,680 if they all make it into the safe zone, is disqualified. 745 00:38:54,720 --> 00:38:56,760 Go on, Ed. Thank you. 746 00:38:58,560 --> 00:38:59,800 It's a crazy choice. 747 00:38:59,840 --> 00:39:01,720 Oh, what?! 748 00:39:01,760 --> 00:39:03,440 Whoa! 749 00:39:06,040 --> 00:39:08,480 Absolute bullshit! 750 00:39:08,520 --> 00:39:10,280 And good luck! 751 00:39:10,320 --> 00:39:13,000 You thought you understood but you didn't. 752 00:39:13,040 --> 00:39:15,000 David, look at what you're holding! 753 00:39:15,040 --> 00:39:17,920 No, I've worked it out from your mistake. 754 00:39:17,960 --> 00:39:20,280 Mate, that is bouncing, wherever you throw it. 755 00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:22,280 The old rubber egg, eh? 756 00:39:24,040 --> 00:39:25,120 Ed. 757 00:39:25,160 --> 00:39:26,480 In second place it's Rose. 758 00:39:26,520 --> 00:39:29,880 If you can come to the throwing spot and hurl your noodle, please. 759 00:39:29,920 --> 00:39:32,840 I'll just warn you now, that noodle is made entirely of egg. 760 00:39:39,360 --> 00:39:41,240 Oh, Goddamn it! 761 00:39:41,280 --> 00:39:43,120 Could not be shitter. 762 00:39:47,000 --> 00:39:49,040 And next up, yes, it's Jo to the oche. 763 00:39:50,120 --> 00:39:51,440 With her grain of rice. 764 00:39:54,800 --> 00:39:55,800 It's safe! 765 00:39:58,400 --> 00:39:59,720 That's rice tossing! 766 00:40:00,840 --> 00:40:05,160 And, Greg, it's egg time again as we welcome David Baddiel to the oche. 767 00:40:05,200 --> 00:40:07,120 Thank you very much. It's Mr Rubber Egg. 768 00:40:11,480 --> 00:40:13,320 Oh, no! 769 00:40:16,200 --> 00:40:18,880 Yes, yes, go! 770 00:40:26,960 --> 00:40:29,840 That's going to collapse. That will collapse. That will collapse. 771 00:40:29,880 --> 00:40:30,880 Wow. 772 00:40:30,920 --> 00:40:32,720 He's out! Get out of here! 773 00:40:32,760 --> 00:40:34,160 Get out! Come on. 774 00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:35,200 Oh, my God. 775 00:40:39,800 --> 00:40:41,600 The final throw is Katy with another egg. 776 00:40:41,640 --> 00:40:42,720 Oh, my God. 777 00:40:42,760 --> 00:40:44,720 Go on, Katy! Thank you. 778 00:40:44,760 --> 00:40:47,000 I'm just... 779 00:40:47,040 --> 00:40:48,400 You can do it. 780 00:40:48,440 --> 00:40:50,760 I'm worried that this is haunted like that one. 781 00:40:56,920 --> 00:40:58,000 She's out! 782 00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:01,000 Right. 783 00:41:02,680 --> 00:41:05,080 Well, it's the final. 784 00:41:05,120 --> 00:41:06,640 So, these three have got one point. 785 00:41:06,680 --> 00:41:09,360 These two will have either five or four points. Yes. 786 00:41:09,400 --> 00:41:12,920 So, when the whistle blows, please select your next item. 787 00:41:12,960 --> 00:41:15,080 One, two, three. 788 00:41:15,120 --> 00:41:16,960 Lovely. Noodle v rice. 789 00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:18,880 Classic. 790 00:41:18,920 --> 00:41:20,680 It's gonna be Rose to throw first. 791 00:41:20,720 --> 00:41:23,280 The young pretender, Matafeo. 792 00:41:23,320 --> 00:41:24,400 Rice on! 793 00:41:29,960 --> 00:41:31,200 Oh, lovely! Lovely. 794 00:41:31,240 --> 00:41:33,080 Oh, lovely. 795 00:41:33,120 --> 00:41:34,640 Where did it go? I can't see it. 796 00:41:37,160 --> 00:41:40,200 You've got to throw beyond that... Yeah. ..but not beyond that to win. 797 00:41:40,240 --> 00:41:41,320 OK. 798 00:41:41,360 --> 00:41:44,880 You join us here, the atmosphere electric... 799 00:41:50,760 --> 00:41:51,880 She's out. 800 00:41:51,920 --> 00:41:53,960 Four points to Jo. 801 00:41:54,000 --> 00:41:55,960 Well done, love. Well done. 802 00:41:56,000 --> 00:41:58,080 Rose Matafeo! 803 00:41:59,680 --> 00:42:02,440 Right, come down, we'll add that to the final scores! 804 00:42:09,760 --> 00:42:14,960 Well, it's not very often that a new international sport is created. 805 00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:18,080 So, all the people who took the Ed Gamble at the beginning went out, 806 00:42:18,120 --> 00:42:19,640 gets one point. 807 00:42:19,680 --> 00:42:22,520 Ed, Katy and David. Correct. 808 00:42:22,560 --> 00:42:24,360 Then we had the final. Jo got four points 809 00:42:24,400 --> 00:42:26,720 but the winner was Rose Matafeo, who got five points. 810 00:42:28,920 --> 00:42:31,656 And I've got the final scores, do you want to see who won the episode? 811 00:42:31,680 --> 00:42:34,240 Ye-e-e-e-e-e-e-es! 812 00:42:36,600 --> 00:42:38,560 The winner with 18 points... 813 00:42:38,600 --> 00:42:40,440 ..was Rose Matafeo! 814 00:42:44,040 --> 00:42:46,760 Rose Matafeo is tonight's winner! 815 00:42:46,800 --> 00:42:48,560 Please head to the stage to celebrate 816 00:42:48,600 --> 00:42:50,880 with the best possible thing to celebrate with! 817 00:42:54,680 --> 00:42:57,520 So, what have we learnt today? 818 00:42:57,560 --> 00:43:01,160 We've learnt that sometimes it's nice to just turn off your telly, 819 00:43:01,200 --> 00:43:03,680 gather the family round, and have a good old game 820 00:43:03,720 --> 00:43:07,160 of stopping the Nazi hordes from imposing their evil will 821 00:43:07,200 --> 00:43:08,840 on the entire world. 822 00:43:08,880 --> 00:43:11,200 See you next time for more nice times. 823 00:43:11,240 --> 00:43:13,440 And now let's applaud tonight's winner again. 824 00:43:13,480 --> 00:43:17,160 It is, of course, Rose Matafeo! 825 00:43:45,640 --> 00:43:48,000 Subtitles by Red Bee Media