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Eeeeh!
2
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Stella!
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Hold it.
4
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What?
5
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Ah!
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Yes!
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Hello, everyone,
and welcome to Taskmaster!
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In just a few moments,
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00:00:42,440 --> 00:00:45,840
you will witness the trials
and tribulations of five comedians
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as they tackle tasks for me -
Greg Davies,
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or, as I'm also known in certain
circles, 22st of prime marbled beef.
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But th...!
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Those awaiting judgment
go by the names of...
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..David Baddiel...
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..Ed Gamble...
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..Jo Brand...
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..Katy Wix...
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..and Rose Matafeo.
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And sitting uncomfortably next to me
is a man, who naked,
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looks like a weird ill monkey.
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It's little Alex Horne.
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Hello, Alex. Hello. Hi, Greg.
You all right? Yes, I'm very well.
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How are you? I'm looking forward to
assisting you. I love assisting you.
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Oh, great. I love chatting to you
and you assisting me.
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Great. Well, cos today I've got
a special assistant's drawer.
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Oh, good. I've got...
What have I got?
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What sort of stuff...?
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I've got lots of cotton buds,
in case you get clogged again. Yep.
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'JO LAUGHS Clogged
again. Clogged again.
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You might get clogged again.
Yeah, I might get clogged again.
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I've got dry wipes in case
you get wet,
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I've got wet wipes in case
you get dry. Yep.
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I've got, erm, little nail scissors,
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I've got bigger nail scissors with
crimping things, if you want
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'sort of more... exotic nails. Yep. And I've
got gas and air because of your body situation.
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My body situation?
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'Right, so let's crack on with the prize
category today, please, Alex Horne.
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OK, it's the one that should really
prove itself by the end of the show
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'because we've asked them to bring in The
Best Thing To Celebrate With On A Stage. OK?
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It's five points for the best one
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and then five big celebrations
at the end of the show.
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Jo Brand, what do you thing the best
thing to celebrate with is on stage?
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For me, the best thing to celebrate
with on stage is a person.
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And as he can't be here today,
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there is a life-size cardboard
cut-out of him. OK.
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And his name is Andy Robinson
and he's a stand-up comedian
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and I've toured with him
for about 17 or 18 years.
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He's the nicest man in comedy.
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And I mean that, Greg.
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There he is. Look at him.
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Aw, that's nice.
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That's just celebrating on stage
with some cardboard, isn't it?
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Well, it's a representation
of his spirit.
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So, his spirit is cardboard?
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'I'll tell you something about Andy
Robinson - he once infiltrated a cult. True.
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Really?
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It wasn't him, actually,
it was a cardboard cut-out of him.
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Now, then, David.
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Well, I think the best thing to
celebrate with on a stage is this.
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OK. Now, admittedly...
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..admittedly, it might seem
a downbeat thing to celebrate with,
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but I thought you could
add to it this.
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You see?
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And then this. Right?
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Yeah! And then put it together -
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you have a street party with
an open-top bus on stage.
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Lovely! That's cool. That's great.
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'And for those members of the community
who have to use a mobility scooter,
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I'm sure that'll give them
a real lift.
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So far, two things to
celebrate on stage with
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have been really great. Katy?
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It's going to...
It's about to get better. Woo!
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Um... what better way to
celebrate on stage
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than with a candyfloss machine?
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There it is. It will be on stage
at the end of the show.
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Is it a great thing to
celebrate with?
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I tried to thing of something
I hadn't seen anyone celebrate
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with on stage, but that
I'd like to see someone...
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You know, it's an action, something
to do with your hands. Yeah.
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There's Beyonce taking her final
bow, whipping up a big pink one.
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I thought it was
a bit of a camp laugh.
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Just paint a sit... It's a camp
laugh. Paint a situation for me
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where you would celebrate with that
big camp laugh, though.
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Like Wimbledon, something like that?
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Federer wins his ninth Wimbledon.
Yeah.
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He runs round... Football.
..and he gets his racquet...
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Great. Any, like, ball-based sport,
anything like that.
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So, Rose, can you possibly do worse
than any of these people?
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I have brought along all of
the accoutrements you would need
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for a ribbon-cutting ceremony.
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So I have over-sized scissors,
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ribbons, and, I think, staunchons?
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Stanchions. Stanchions.
Sta... Yeah, I knew that.
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Er... stanchions.
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I think this would be a really good
thing to celebrate with because,
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say you're a meer, you know...
Meer?
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A mayor? Mayor. A mayor.
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That's closer to a meerkat
than a mayor.
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You're the meer. All right...
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That's quite nice.
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00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:34,000
I think it just adds a certain
amount of ceremony to it.
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Like, if you're opening
a new library, it's, like,
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'it's not a celebration until you've got
a ribbon and a big old pair of scissors.
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Listen, listen, that's supposed to
be the best thing to celebrate
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with on stage. Yeah. Why am I
opening a fucking library?
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'Oh, you've got to celebrate opening
a library. You've got to celebrate...
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Not on stage! I love libraries.
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Are we erecting a stage for me
to go and open a library?
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OK. Well, you know, chill out.
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One left.
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00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:01,320
Errrr... Ed Gamble! Hello.
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Hello. Erm, I have brought the best
thing to celebrate with on a stage.
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Yeah. I've made it myself.
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It's what I like to call
my Confetti Cannon Party Pants.
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Here they are.
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Right.
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How sensitive is it?
Does it go off very easily?
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Once you get used to it and become
more experienced, you know,
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you can release it exactly
when you want to.
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Yeah? Great.
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Any follow-up questions, Greg?
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Nope.
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If you came on stage with that, I
would be celebrating straight away.
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You've all done well, so I'm not
going to give anyone one point.
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Right. OK? OK.
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Cos I'm going to put Katy
and Rose with two points.
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Joint fourth.
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00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:54,760
I like David's bus because he took
the trouble to staple a bus
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00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:56,360
onto a mobility scooter
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and I think it's probably
a very positive message somewhere...
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Somewhere.
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Four points I'm giving to Jo,
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00:07:03,560 --> 00:07:05,920
just because I want to make sure
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that Andy Robinson
doesn't get upset.
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With five points,
because I want to see all sparks
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and things flying out of his willy -
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Ed Gamble!
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Let's get a proper task
on the way...
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OK. ..you sweet, sweet baby.
Well, thank you.
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Thank you, Daddy.
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00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:28,160
OK, this one features water.
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Hello, Rose. Hi.
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Have a stand on the compass.
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Oh, compass, yeah.
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I can't see a task thing.
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Brilliant.
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Thank you.
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I can see you as an Elizabethan
washerwoman. Thank you.
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00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:05,640
You're welcome.
150
00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:07,720
I thought we were going to turn.
151
00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:12,200
I was just thinking,
"How is this going to move?"
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Make the most striking
water feature.
153
00:08:14,400 --> 00:08:16,160
You have 20 minutes.
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Your time starts now.
155
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Ah!
156
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'A water feature involves a
continuous flow of water, doesn't it?
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Is there a hose?
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Yeah, there is a hose. I've seen it.
Do you want me to get you a hose?
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00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:30,600
Yeah. But I'd like it attached to
something. Attached. Yep. OK.
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00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:31,960
Got it? Yeah.
161
00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:38,480
There's an interesting contrast
in the reaction... Yeah.
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..to Ed's reaction.
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00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:43,200
Because you were disappointed
that we hadn't constructed a giant
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00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:46,520
turntable underneath the concrete
so that you could revolve around.
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00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:48,000
Yeah, I think for a moment I thought
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00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:50,200
I was, like, in the film Labyrinth
or something.
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00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:53,880
Whereas Ed saw some paper
come through a mangle
168
00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:56,840
and was delighted by it!
169
00:08:56,880 --> 00:08:59,720
David became a really boring
teacher.
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I wrote it down.
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00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:03,800
"A water feature involves
a constant supply of water."
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00:09:05,560 --> 00:09:07,840
"Ugh, Mr Baddiel!
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00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:10,400
"Can we go out and play?"
174
00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:13,960
Come on, tubeheads,
let's see some action.
175
00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:18,200
Our first water feature film
stars Rose Matafeo, Katy,
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00:09:18,240 --> 00:09:20,760
and - it's everyone's
favourite Brand - Jo.
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00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:22,280
Here we go.
178
00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:24,560
Do you have a hose I can use?
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00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:26,680
Where is it? Do you want me to go
and get it for you?
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00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:28,000
Yes, please.
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00:09:28,040 --> 00:09:30,240
That attaches to a water source.
182
00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:32,480
Yes. Thank you.
183
00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:36,000
I think what I'm going to do is do
a water feature in the sink.
184
00:09:38,880 --> 00:09:43,240
Oh. Oh, this is a bit more
complicated than I thought, Alex.
185
00:09:58,560 --> 00:10:01,800
Well, what I'm going to do now,
is I'm going to pour water...
186
00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:05,800
Here it comes!
187
00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:10,280
It's... SHE LAUGHS
188
00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:12,160
..uh, striking.
189
00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:18,240
I don't really know what's
going to happen.
190
00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:19,840
So, here we go.
191
00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:24,800
There we go.
While you drink your cup of tea,
192
00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:28,480
and you listen to
the gentle tinkling sound
193
00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:31,000
of a child's wee.
194
00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:33,280
It's a little bit uneven,
195
00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:34,880
but it sounds nice.
196
00:10:34,920 --> 00:10:37,000
I mean, I should add
more stuff to it.
197
00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:39,840
I can't hear you very well
because it's raining very hard.
198
00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:41,080
It is, isn't it?
199
00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:42,200
Yeah.
200
00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:46,960
I mean, I feel like I'm the water
feature, you know what I'm saying?
201
00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:49,040
Can I have a bit more water, please?
202
00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:52,640
A bit more, please.
203
00:10:52,680 --> 00:10:54,520
Here it comes.
204
00:10:54,560 --> 00:10:56,840
It's going to go into bloody space!
205
00:10:58,000 --> 00:10:59,760
Oh, my God, it's going to explode.
206
00:11:02,680 --> 00:11:03,680
There it goes.
207
00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:07,600
Is that your striking water feature?
208
00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:08,960
Yep. There she goes.
209
00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:11,600
Look at that, that's beautiful.
210
00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:13,440
Wow.
211
00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:15,920
I think there's not much coming
out of this duck.
212
00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:17,200
No, it's OK, oh...!
213
00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:27,800
It doesn't make a very relaxing
noise at the end.
214
00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:35,800
It was really great
up until the point you revealed
215
00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:38,520
that you were pouring
a child's urine through it
216
00:11:38,560 --> 00:11:41,840
'and that it collapsed, but it was
really spectacular up until that point.
217
00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:45,136
'Yeah, I thought it was working really
well. I quite like the bit at the end. Yeah.
218
00:11:45,160 --> 00:11:48,480
And I thought yours was
a fairly powerful metaphor, Rose,
219
00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:50,760
for what humanity's done
to the planet.
220
00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:53,360
Yeah. That's what it was supposed
to be. Have I read that right?
221
00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:54,560
Absolutely. Yeah?
222
00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:56,640
Um, now, then... Now.
223
00:11:56,680 --> 00:11:59,920
..talk about promising big things
and not delivering.
224
00:11:59,960 --> 00:12:02,000
Mine had, um... Mine had meaning.
225
00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:04,440
The clattering in the shed... Yep.
226
00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:07,400
..I was thinking, "This is going to
be incredible, this thing."
227
00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:10,760
And then you came out with
a piggy bank with a hole in it.
228
00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:14,320
Yeah. You must have been...
229
00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:15,840
I did it with a big knife.
230
00:12:15,880 --> 00:12:17,720
Then you stuck the hose in
and I thought,
231
00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:19,280
"Oh, she's back in the game here"
232
00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:21,760
"because that pig is going to
explode."
233
00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:24,240
By the end it had a good old... good
old height on it. No.
234
00:12:24,280 --> 00:12:25,800
It was a squirting pig.
235
00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:28,480
I think the way the thing...
236
00:12:28,520 --> 00:12:31,840
I managed to get it standing upright
was quite clever, with gravel.
237
00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:35,520
'Oh. That's true. That really helped. Yes.
Yes. Without that, it would have been bad.
238
00:12:35,560 --> 00:12:38,200
Oh, no, you're right. Cos for
a second, I thought you just bashed
239
00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:40,040
a hole in a piggy bank
and stuck a hose in it.
240
00:12:42,680 --> 00:12:44,560
Ooh, two water features to go,
241
00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:47,200
but you're going to have
to wait for them. Sorry!
242
00:12:58,440 --> 00:13:02,760
Hello! Welcome back to Taskmaster.
243
00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:05,000
Alex, can you remind us
what we've been watching?
244
00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:06,120
Yes, please. Yes, please!
245
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:09,960
The current task involves making
the most striking water feature.
246
00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:13,080
Which is why Katy used a piggy bank,
Jo piled up some crockery
247
00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:14,760
and Rose found a Wellington boot.
248
00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:18,840
But there's hope now
in the form of David and Ed.
249
00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:20,720
Right, let's see what we've got.
250
00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:23,440
What are you going to do, Ed?
251
00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:26,240
OK, so, what we need to do
is a fountain.
252
00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:29,120
Probably using the bath, I suppose.
OK.
253
00:13:29,160 --> 00:13:31,360
Elevation is key.
254
00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:33,520
Have we got any other funnels?
255
00:13:33,560 --> 00:13:35,640
Have we got any other funnels? Yeah.
256
00:13:35,680 --> 00:13:37,120
You can make a funnel.
257
00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:39,240
No, that's not what I want.
258
00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:40,880
OK, well, stand in the bath.
259
00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:43,960
You want me to stand in the bath?
Yeah.
260
00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:46,360
Well, also I want you to
be like a...
261
00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:48,080
You, know, like a Greek god.
262
00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:50,480
Can you take your top off?
263
00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:54,920
Yes. OK.
264
00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:56,920
How do you feel about...
265
00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:58,400
..popping your top off?
266
00:13:58,440 --> 00:13:59,920
I don't like doing it.
267
00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:02,560
I want you to take your top off
for the water feature.
268
00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:04,520
Just... Don't take
your trousers off.
269
00:14:04,560 --> 00:14:07,280
No, I wasn't going...
I was just loosening that bit.
270
00:14:07,320 --> 00:14:10,320
Is there a pitchfork?
I think I've seen a pitchfork.
271
00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:12,200
How much hair do you
have on your chest?
272
00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:13,880
More than you'd think. OK.
273
00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:17,800
Ooh.
274
00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:21,480
So can you look like,
sort of, like Neptune?
275
00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:23,280
Hold that like it's a...
276
00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:24,800
Oh, yeah. Like that.
277
00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:26,480
And look...
A faraway look in your eyes.
278
00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:27,960
Yeah that's... that's brilliant.
279
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:29,160
Is that Neptune-y?
280
00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:30,720
No, that looks sort of Russian.
281
00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:32,960
Could you hold these...?
282
00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:36,320
Yep.
283
00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:37,720
Crown.
284
00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:41,016
'How's it going to come out of both? Well,
this is what I'm trying to work out, Alex.
285
00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:43,680
Just putting this in for detail. OK.
286
00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:46,240
Am I doing the right thing?
You look sexy.
287
00:14:53,880 --> 00:14:55,360
Have you got any spare trousers?
288
00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:57,840
Well, I wasn't planning to spray
any of the water out of me.
289
00:14:57,880 --> 00:15:00,280
Oh, fine. You're just top off? Yeah.
290
00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:02,920
Oh, I... The top off's really
solidarity. Right.
291
00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:04,840
Oh! Yeah,
that's going to happen, mate.
292
00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:06,680
Strap in, you're a mermaid.
293
00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:09,360
OK, can you do the faraway look?
Put that on your head.
294
00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:12,160
That's disappointing.
295
00:15:14,040 --> 00:15:15,560
Shit.
296
00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:17,280
There you are.
That's kind of better.
297
00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:18,440
What do you want me to do?
298
00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:20,440
Just look... look faraway eyes.
299
00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:22,680
The sea, the sea, the waves.
300
00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:25,720
I don't know why
I've got my top off.
301
00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:30,000
So, here's how it's going to go.
You're going to spray some
302
00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:31,720
water out your mouth
when I give it to you
303
00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:34,160
and then you're going to sing,
♪ Ah, ah, ohh, ah, ahh, ah, oh
304
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:36,600
♪ I am a mermaid who
lives by the sea
305
00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:39,240
♪ Why won't a sailor
come visit me? ♪
306
00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:41,000
Right? OK.
307
00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:46,000
Go.
308
00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:51,600
♪ Ah, ah, ohh, ah, ahh, ah, oh
309
00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:54,800
♪ I am a mermaid who lives
in the sea
310
00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:57,920
♪ Why won't a sailor come
visit me? ♪
311
00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:01,800
There you go. Look at that.
312
00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:03,680
That's perfect now, you see.
313
00:16:03,720 --> 00:16:05,040
Yay. The crowds roar.
314
00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:14,720
Perfect.
315
00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:16,160
Thank you, Alex.
316
00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:17,320
Cheers, mate.
317
00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:18,360
Ed!
318
00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:21,240
There we go.
319
00:16:24,440 --> 00:16:26,040
Thank you, David.
320
00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:27,800
I'll take this back to the kitchen.
321
00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:34,120
I mean...
322
00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:38,480
I mean, we barely need to
discuss it.
323
00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:40,720
One of the most triumphant
things I've seen.
324
00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:44,520
That beautiful merman.
325
00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:46,920
Just one boob... One boob spraying.
326
00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:49,616
We were trying for a while to get
two boobs going, weren't we, Alex?
327
00:16:49,640 --> 00:16:51,976
YOU were trying for quite a while.
I was trying for a while.
328
00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:53,320
We decided that... You decided.
329
00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:54,360
I decided...
330
00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:59,240
I decided it was preferable to
have a strong jet from one
331
00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:01,600
rather than a dribble from both.
332
00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:02,720
I couldn't agree more.
333
00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:05,136
As soon as he went into the shed,
he went, "I know what to do,"
334
00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:07,480
with very grim determination,
and then set about it.
335
00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:10,040
Whereas, David's felt like it was
more on the hoof.
336
00:17:10,080 --> 00:17:11,080
Well...
337
00:17:12,120 --> 00:17:15,960
Whilst I enjoyed the final image,
this is what it put me in mind of.
338
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:18,320
It put me in mind of two
middle-aged blokes...
339
00:17:18,360 --> 00:17:20,880
Yes. ..who have told their wives
340
00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:23,840
that they're going to be building
a water feature
341
00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:28,800
so that they can enjoy
openly homoerotic fun.
342
00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:34,240
It was a water-feature-based
Brokeback Mountain for me.
343
00:17:34,280 --> 00:17:37,400
Yeah, no, we fell in love while it
was happening, as far as I remember.
344
00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:38,440
You fell in love.
345
00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:42,440
"Oh, no, it looks like
my top's fallen off as well.
346
00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:46,880
"Oh, whatever will our wives think?"
347
00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:52,600
OK, look, let me give out
some points.
348
00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:54,400
I don't think it's that
difficult. Right.
349
00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:57,040
I'm going to go least striking
water feature... Yes.
350
00:17:57,080 --> 00:18:00,400
I feel guilty about doing it
because
351
00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:03,080
the preparation sounded
so spectacular.
352
00:18:03,120 --> 00:18:05,720
Oh, here we go. But the least
striking water feature for me
353
00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:08,960
was Katy's dribbling pig. So I can
only give her one point. OK.
354
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:10,040
I apologise. Fine.
355
00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:14,920
The second least spectacular,
striking water feature, for me,
356
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:20,440
because it utilised household
equipment, I'm giving Jo two points.
357
00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:21,480
Right. Two to Jo.
358
00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:24,720
And because of its powerful
metaphor...
359
00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:28,080
Ooh. ..I'm giving Rose three points.
OK, now, then...
360
00:18:28,120 --> 00:18:32,800
And now, David's hot, sexy bit of
water feature gets four points.
361
00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:36,120
And, obviously, the one-boobed,
jet-propulsion mermaid
362
00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:37,600
takes five points!
363
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:42,720
S to the C, to the O-R-E.
364
00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:44,040
Scoreboard, please.
365
00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:46,280
OK. Well, first of all,
I can tell you the series scores
366
00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:47,640
at this stage, it's exciting.
367
00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:51,520
We have joint fourth place,
Jo and David both have 48 points.
368
00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:52,840
Katy's got 56.
369
00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:54,640
Rose has got 57.
370
00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:57,680
Ed has zoomed up into the lead
with 62 points.
371
00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:58,720
Zoomed.
372
00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:02,880
Currently, Katy's in last with three
373
00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:05,400
and Ed is in the lead with
ten points!
374
00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:06,440
There we go.
375
00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:09,600
A maximum. A maximum ten.
376
00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:12,840
Full marks for little Gamble.
377
00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:15,600
OK, so, do you have something more
sociable this time?
378
00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:16,920
More sociable. I do, actually.
379
00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:19,880
I have a sociable task and it's a
team task so it's double sociable.
380
00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:21,840
And here it is. Mmm.
381
00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:37,400
Oh, hello, Jo. Oh, hello, Alex.
382
00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:39,320
Hello, Alex. Hello, David.
383
00:19:39,360 --> 00:19:40,640
Hello, Ed. Hello, Alex.
384
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,120
Hello, Katy. Hello.
385
00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:44,800
Hello, Rose. You remember my name,
this is awesome.
386
00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:46,160
Oh, it's Rose.
387
00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:49,600
Is opening the task the task?
388
00:19:51,120 --> 00:19:53,880
Ooh. Woo! Oh!
389
00:19:56,960 --> 00:19:59,600
Bring a classic board game to life.
390
00:19:59,640 --> 00:20:02,160
Best real-life board game wins.
391
00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:03,840
You have one hour.
392
00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:06,800
Your time starts now.
393
00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:07,960
Right. I love it.
394
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:09,720
What, erm, board games do you...?
395
00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:11,680
Well, not one that everyone will
think of.
396
00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:14,976
'Let's all say a board game at the same time
and see if we're thinking the same thing.
397
00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:17,320
A classic we want to bring to life.
Right, three, two, one.
398
00:20:17,360 --> 00:20:18,360
Cluedo. Chess.
399
00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:23,880
Let's rule out Snakes And Ladders...
Mm-hm. ..chess.
400
00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:24,920
KerPlunk?
401
00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:26,640
Oh, yeah. Jenga?
402
00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:28,040
Buckaroo? Mouse Trap?
403
00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:29,640
Mouse Trap's good.
404
00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:34,040
And another one called
Operation Seelowe,
405
00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:36,800
which was about the Nazi invasion
of Britain.
406
00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:38,000
Can we do that one?
407
00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:41,960
Yeah, so... Jenga, Operation.
Oh, Operation's quite funny.
408
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:44,520
What about that one Don't Wake Dad?
409
00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:45,560
Don't Wake Dad.
410
00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:49,840
But what about the one
that's like a medical one?
411
00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:50,880
What's it called?
412
00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:52,480
Operation. Operation with, like...
413
00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:55,760
And you have to take out a liver
and a spleen from a person.
414
00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:00,600
Happy memories.
415
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:04,840
I don't like keeping drawing
a distinction
416
00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:07,600
between the two age groups,
417
00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:11,880
but it does fascinate me that
the three younger people were,
418
00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:15,120
like, getting all excited, listing
game, after game, after game,
419
00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:18,040
and the first thing that David
mentions is a game that
420
00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:20,920
no-one's heard of about the scourge
of the Nazis.
421
00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:25,320
Yeah, Operation Seelowe.
422
00:21:25,360 --> 00:21:29,800
It was a war game in which the Nazis
invaded Britain or,
423
00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:32,400
as a Jew, it was a nightmare
that I once had.
424
00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:34,000
I'm not entirely sure.
One of the two.
425
00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:35,960
Amazing that you knew
Operation Seelowe
426
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:38,280
but couldn't remember the name
of Operation.
427
00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:44,320
A board game will be brought
to life right after
428
00:21:44,360 --> 00:21:47,880
the following really, really,
really, really great adverts!
429
00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:00,760
Hello!
430
00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:03,480
Welcome back to Taskmaster,
it's good to have you here.
431
00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:06,480
Yes, and important.
Viewers are very important.
432
00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:07,520
Board games, then.
433
00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:09,560
First of all, we're going to see
the team of three,
434
00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:11,560
that's Rosie, Eddy and Kate.
435
00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:12,600
Here we go.
436
00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:23,120
One, two, three.
437
00:22:25,120 --> 00:22:27,920
Well, this is
a mighty fine-looking donkey here.
438
00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:30,680
I wonder if it can take the weight
of my little fiddle.
439
00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:37,800
Well, look at
this disgusting sandal.
440
00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:43,000
It's got Velcro on it,
which is ideal for my purposes.
441
00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:45,560
Well, you can't forget
old Grandma's rolling pin.
442
00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:53,360
Uh-oh, the donkey sounds
mighty agitated.
443
00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:54,960
Angry, angry eyes.
444
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:56,880
Y'all gon' fishing.
445
00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:01,320
Here comes the wine rack.
446
00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:04,280
Watch your ears.
447
00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:06,360
A wooden spoon.
448
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:08,160
A horse on a donkey.
449
00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:10,480
A horse next to a violin.
450
00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:27,880
I suppose the only thing I've got
is the playability element of it
451
00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:30,240
because Buckaroo,
which I didn't have as a child,
452
00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:33,680
because my mum selfishly wouldn't
buy it. It's OK. But some of my...
453
00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:38,560
Some of my wealthier friends
did have it.
454
00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:39,960
It had a spring system...
455
00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:42,280
Sure. ..and so in the original game,
456
00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:45,920
you two would be nervous about when
the Buckaroo was going to kick.
457
00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:48,520
This was very much on the whim
of the donkey.
458
00:23:48,560 --> 00:23:51,640
But we brought... It said bring it
to life. Bring it to life.
459
00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:54,320
You know, we didn't have a spring
because we had an actual person.
460
00:23:54,360 --> 00:23:56,240
If you wanted a playable
version of Buckaroo,
461
00:23:56,280 --> 00:23:57,800
we could have just bought Buckaroo.
462
00:23:57,840 --> 00:23:58,880
Yeah. Yeah.
463
00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:02,000
I just think you should've attached
some sort of spring system to Ed
464
00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:03,640
so that he wasn't in control
of when...
465
00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:06,000
How do you know there wasn't one?
I am the spring system!
466
00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:07,360
Yeah, he's the spring system.
467
00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:09,360
Yeah, but you're a conscious being.
468
00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:10,400
Oh, I'm so sorry!
469
00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:15,720
'The original... You are right, the
original had three sensitivity levels
470
00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:17,880
that were adjustable via
a switch under the saddle.
471
00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:20,440
Yeah, there was nothing like that.
472
00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:22,800
I've got three sensitivity levels.
473
00:24:22,840 --> 00:24:25,520
And I'll be honest, I'm on my top
fucking one right now!
474
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:32,200
We've had one attempt involving
a donkey and a wine rack.
475
00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:34,440
Here comes David and Jo's attempt.
476
00:24:45,440 --> 00:24:48,280
So, I'm going to go for your kidney.
477
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:49,880
OK.
478
00:24:51,480 --> 00:24:53,720
I think you did it without
touching my body so...
479
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:54,800
Right, I think I did.
480
00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:57,120
I'm going to try a challenge now.
OK.
481
00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:03,400
So, one point to you, was that, Jo?
One point to me.
482
00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:06,000
OK, I'm going to go for butterfly.
483
00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:10,080
BUZZER WAILS Ow. Oh.
484
00:25:10,120 --> 00:25:11,240
Really hurt.
485
00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:13,040
Ow! My brain fell off. Oh.
486
00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:17,160
No, I'm afraid... Oh, no.
487
00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:18,800
Oh, God, this is going to be hard.
488
00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:27,680
Whee! That's all right.
Yeah, you've done it. Yeah!
489
00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:29,320
Hang on, am I left with
anything else?
490
00:25:29,360 --> 00:25:30,600
Surgeon extraordinaire.
491
00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:33,200
Thank you, David.
Swift recovery, I hope.
492
00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:34,840
See you later. Bye-bye.
493
00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:39,600
Well, I've got a lot of
questions here.
494
00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:42,000
I'm going to ask the first one
to Jo.
495
00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:45,000
How soon was it into the task
496
00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:47,440
when David volunteered to
take his clothes off?
497
00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:52,520
About two seconds.
498
00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:53,560
Incredible, isn't it?
499
00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:55,360
I've got a question for you now,
David. Yes.
500
00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:57,840
Why were you hitting yourself
so hard?
501
00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:00,800
I don't really know why.
502
00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:03,320
Well, possibly because
part of the homoerotic experience
503
00:26:03,360 --> 00:26:06,200
of this show is to hurt myself.
504
00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:08,120
I haven't really worked that out.
505
00:26:08,160 --> 00:26:09,920
What, for me, was so charming about
the game
506
00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:12,680
is that you'd so painstakingly
replaced the organs of the body
507
00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:16,440
with child-friendly things -
a butterfly, a cauliflower,
508
00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:18,960
oh, and of course an actual kidney.
509
00:26:21,920 --> 00:26:24,360
This is a very tough decision
for me, I'll tell you that now,
510
00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:26,360
cos I thought they were both
excellent games.
511
00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:29,520
You know, it's not like me to cop
out but I am going to cop out.
512
00:26:29,560 --> 00:26:31,280
I'm going to give them both
three points,
513
00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:33,720
that's what I'm going to do,
I can't separate them.
514
00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:37,840
Woo!
515
00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:38,880
What's next?
516
00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:43,160
Well, we've got one more task.
517
00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:47,080
And this one's All Because
The Davies Loves Tray. Ready?
518
00:27:03,560 --> 00:27:04,560
Hi.
519
00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:06,680
Hello, Katy. Hey. Hey, tray.
520
00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:13,640
"Say a letter of the alphabet."
521
00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:21,760
{\an8}Thank you.
522
00:27:29,360 --> 00:27:31,280
{\an8}"Put the most things beginning
with the letter
523
00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:33,000
{\an8}"you just said on this tray."
524
00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:36,920
'"The tray may not leave Alex
and Alex may not leave the lab."
525
00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:40,360
'"Most things beginning with the
letter you just said on the tray
526
00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:43,440
'"in five minutes from now wins."
527
00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:45,880
'So, can I go walking about?
528
00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:48,240
'All right. Bye.
529
00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:50,440
'I might just not come back
but I'll have a look.
530
00:27:50,480 --> 00:27:51,960
'OK, then. Thanks, Jo.
531
00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:53,360
"Say a letter of the alphabet.
532
00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:54,480
"You have ten seconds.
533
00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:56,160
"Your time starts now."
534
00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:58,200
A letter of the alphabet.
535
00:28:07,120 --> 00:28:08,320
"Ha-ha-ha.
536
00:28:08,360 --> 00:28:10,120
"You must now pick a letter of
the alphabet
537
00:28:10,160 --> 00:28:11,440
"and say that letter out loud."
538
00:28:17,800 --> 00:28:20,360
You must be so proud of yourself
that that worked.
539
00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:27,000
{\an8}That's a mistake, wasn't it?
540
00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:28,040
{\an8}Bollocks.
541
00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:37,200
You had an unfortunate experience
with little Alex Horne,
542
00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:38,240
didn't you, Ed?
543
00:28:38,280 --> 00:28:41,041
I genuinely panicked and I didn't
know what we were supposed to do, so
544
00:28:41,080 --> 00:28:43,000
I panicked and said,
"A letter of the alphabet."
545
00:28:43,040 --> 00:28:44,840
Yeah, and he threw it in your face,
didn't he?
546
00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:47,400
Threw it right back in my face.
By predicting your little joke.
547
00:28:47,440 --> 00:28:51,456
'I only had the envelope in... Just for you. I knew
it was going to be you doing it. Did you? No, really?
548
00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:55,600
'He did predict it would be you that did it
as well. You might like to reflect on that.
549
00:28:57,520 --> 00:28:59,480
Doesn't excuse him getting
all cocky, though.
550
00:28:59,520 --> 00:29:02,160
Alex, you should tell someone
if you're being bullied.
551
00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:04,480
You can tell someone.
552
00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:09,080
I don't care.
Why are you telling me?
553
00:29:12,680 --> 00:29:14,360
I didn't mean that. I'm horrible.
554
00:29:15,600 --> 00:29:16,800
I'm horrible.
555
00:29:16,840 --> 00:29:19,160
You fell into a little trap, then,
didn't you? I did, yeah.
556
00:29:19,200 --> 00:29:20,560
Good. That's him back in his box.
557
00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:22,040
Come on, let's see some stuff.
558
00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:24,920
OK, well, these two both went for B.
559
00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:27,360
Let's see what they gathered,
it's Jo and Katy.
560
00:29:29,280 --> 00:29:30,800
OK.
561
00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:32,640
That doesn't begin with B.
562
00:29:33,760 --> 00:29:36,040
Do they have to be
all different things?
563
00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:38,120
All the information's
on the task, Katy.
564
00:29:39,200 --> 00:29:40,200
Oh, shit.
565
00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:42,160
These are biscuits.
566
00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:46,320
OK? Yes.
567
00:29:46,360 --> 00:29:47,880
Just trying to count them.
568
00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:53,760
Bread.
569
00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:55,840
These are birthday candles, OK?
570
00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:57,320
And you're sure they begin with B?
571
00:29:57,360 --> 00:29:59,440
Yeah, cos they're birthday candles.
572
00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:01,560
You've got one minute, Jo!
573
00:30:01,600 --> 00:30:03,280
OK.
574
00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:07,440
baby's head, bottle.
575
00:30:07,480 --> 00:30:08,600
Butter. Mm-hm.
576
00:30:10,320 --> 00:30:11,640
Ten seconds, Jo.
577
00:30:21,400 --> 00:30:22,400
Box.
578
00:30:22,440 --> 00:30:23,560
A bag.
579
00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:26,120
Here's a box. Another box.
580
00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:27,760
Bra?
581
00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:29,480
Only got five seconds.
582
00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:32,000
Takes everyone longer than that.
583
00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:33,840
Even the pros.
584
00:30:34,960 --> 00:30:37,000
What do you mean by pros?
585
00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:38,240
Tell you after.
586
00:30:44,400 --> 00:30:47,280
I was not surprised that
Jo didn't come and go
587
00:30:47,320 --> 00:30:52,080
because she has minimised movement
during this whole competition.
588
00:30:52,120 --> 00:30:55,120
She went round, she gathered
her things. Bam! There.
589
00:30:55,160 --> 00:30:58,480
I thought if I went twice,
I might have to call an ambulance.
590
00:30:58,520 --> 00:31:00,880
All her things, also,
were beginning with B, I think.
591
00:31:00,920 --> 00:31:03,000
Bread, banana, brush, bottle,
butter, bog roll.
592
00:31:03,040 --> 00:31:05,320
Happy with bog roll? Yeah.
So what was her total?
593
00:31:05,360 --> 00:31:08,480
136 things or 9 different things.
594
00:31:08,520 --> 00:31:11,280
Oh, no, we'll count the 136. Let's
get that straight, straight away.
595
00:31:11,320 --> 00:31:12,320
Right, OK.
596
00:31:12,360 --> 00:31:16,640
Which means that Katy got 168 if you
include the 66 birthday candles.
597
00:31:16,680 --> 00:31:19,360
Well, if you have bog roll, you've
got to have birthday candles. OK.
598
00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:22,720
Course you have. Cos it's loo roll.
One follows the other. Yeah.
599
00:31:22,760 --> 00:31:26,440
Good. And I obviously enjoyed
watching Alex squirm
600
00:31:26,480 --> 00:31:28,520
when pros were raised at the end.
601
00:31:28,560 --> 00:31:30,960
Well, she was threatening to take
her bra off in ten seconds.
602
00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:33,160
I thought it was fun flirting,
it wasn't threatening.
603
00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:35,760
So, these boys can take... David
Baddiel can take his top off...
604
00:31:35,800 --> 00:31:37,800
Yeah! ..and she can't flip her
bloody her bra off.
605
00:31:37,840 --> 00:31:38,920
I blushed at that as well.
606
00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:41,560
Hey-hey-hey-hey! I'm all for Katy
whipping her bra off.
607
00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:44,600
Do you want to see some more?
Yes, please.
608
00:31:44,640 --> 00:31:47,080
OK, we're going to see E with D
and R with P.
609
00:31:54,240 --> 00:31:55,920
How many's that?
610
00:31:55,960 --> 00:31:57,080
Is that my job?
611
00:31:57,120 --> 00:31:58,360
No, it's not. It's my job.
612
00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:01,640
Dinner plates,
613
00:32:01,680 --> 00:32:03,800
disposable gloves.
614
00:32:03,840 --> 00:32:05,560
Hi, Rose. Hello.
615
00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:07,720
Pimm's. Oh, that's
a nice combination.
616
00:32:07,760 --> 00:32:08,840
Dextrose tablets.
617
00:32:11,560 --> 00:32:14,120
Each of those is a thing
and that's dextrose packet.
618
00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:17,440
Diabetic equipment. Pardon?
619
00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:19,560
Diabetic equipment!
620
00:32:19,600 --> 00:32:20,600
Pipe.
621
00:32:21,880 --> 00:32:23,400
It's a tube, fuck.
622
00:32:23,440 --> 00:32:25,920
I'm a stickler for the rules.
623
00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:27,640
Drinks holders. Drinks holders?
624
00:32:27,680 --> 00:32:28,680
Yeah.
625
00:32:30,320 --> 00:32:31,320
Petals.
626
00:32:32,760 --> 00:32:34,360
Diet sodas.
627
00:32:36,080 --> 00:32:38,280
Would you count this as newspaper
or paper?
628
00:32:38,320 --> 00:32:40,000
It's up to you.
629
00:32:40,040 --> 00:32:41,640
Just count that as paper. No.
630
00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:44,640
Dips, dairy.
631
00:32:47,160 --> 00:32:48,800
Dask. Pardon?
632
00:32:48,840 --> 00:32:51,080
Dask. The dask.
633
00:32:51,120 --> 00:32:52,960
Thank you, Rose. Thank you.
634
00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:56,040
Peas, petals, Pimm's and paper. Yes.
635
00:33:01,920 --> 00:33:04,000
I mean, strong from both people,
obviously.
636
00:33:04,040 --> 00:33:06,720
The peas, what an opener. You've got
to be pleased with the peas.
637
00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:09,040
I was trying to, like,
follow some rules cos I have...
638
00:33:09,080 --> 00:33:12,160
I feel like I've got a moral compass
and I...
639
00:33:12,200 --> 00:33:14,000
Not like these clowns.
640
00:33:14,040 --> 00:33:17,320
Well, I mean, drink receptacles
for... I mean, that's...
641
00:33:17,360 --> 00:33:20,800
Drink receptacles, my sweet ass.
642
00:33:20,840 --> 00:33:23,720
But I just... I got... I wish I'd
put newspaper on there, that's all.
643
00:33:23,760 --> 00:33:26,920
But, you know... She did put
25 sheets of paper... Yep.
644
00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:30,680
..30 petals, one bottle of Pimm's,
250 peas, so it's...
645
00:33:30,720 --> 00:33:31,960
Whoa!
646
00:33:35,200 --> 00:33:36,640
Erm, Ed. Hello.
647
00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:39,200
Well, let's just strike
drinks holders right off now.
648
00:33:39,240 --> 00:33:41,760
How many would it have been if
I'd been allowed drinks holders?
649
00:33:41,800 --> 00:33:43,440
Loads. 111. Fine.
650
00:33:43,480 --> 00:33:45,560
Victory or nothing, right?
Fuck it. I call 'em cups.
651
00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:46,640
Yeah.
652
00:33:50,840 --> 00:33:54,840
That's it for this part but come
back for some big stage celebrations
653
00:33:54,880 --> 00:33:58,080
and David Baddiel scrabbling about
with things beginning with Q.
654
00:34:09,640 --> 00:34:11,440
Hello again!
655
00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:13,680
It's part four,
and you know what that means?
656
00:34:13,720 --> 00:34:15,160
No, it can't be. It is.
657
00:34:15,200 --> 00:34:17,360
Really? Really.
658
00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:19,120
Recap time!
659
00:34:23,320 --> 00:34:26,360
So, before the break,
the contestants picked a letter
660
00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:28,576
and then had to go and fetch
as many things as they could
661
00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:30,640
beginning with that letter
and pop them on my tray.
662
00:34:30,680 --> 00:34:32,800
David Baddiel picked the letter Q.
663
00:34:32,840 --> 00:34:34,360
Here is his attempt.
664
00:34:37,280 --> 00:34:39,800
So, I don't think I made clear,
when I did this show,
665
00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:44,000
I filled in a health form, cos
I sometimes have a speech defect.
666
00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:45,920
So this is a quamera.
667
00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:47,560
That's how I pronounce it.
668
00:34:47,600 --> 00:34:50,080
Quanana, quorange, quapple,
669
00:34:50,120 --> 00:34:52,520
tape queasure. Pardon?
670
00:34:52,560 --> 00:34:55,600
Queasure, I pronounce queasure. But
you're calling that a tape queasure?
671
00:34:55,640 --> 00:34:57,880
It's a tape queasure, yeah.
But beginning with Q.
672
00:34:57,920 --> 00:34:59,280
Queasure.
673
00:34:59,320 --> 00:35:01,280
Quorange, another quorange.
674
00:35:01,320 --> 00:35:03,000
Quck, quock.
675
00:35:03,040 --> 00:35:04,320
How do you spell clock?
676
00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:09,200
Quock? C-K. Quock.
677
00:35:09,240 --> 00:35:11,000
Q-U... That's how I pronounce it.
678
00:35:11,040 --> 00:35:15,160
I know it's spelt C-L-O-C-K
but I pronounce it quock. Hmm.
679
00:35:18,320 --> 00:35:20,920
Actually, that's wrong, isn't it?
680
00:35:20,960 --> 00:35:22,400
I spell it like that, too.
681
00:35:24,360 --> 00:35:27,560
Quiraffe, quaby with a leaf
in its head,
682
00:35:27,600 --> 00:35:29,960
Queg Davies, Qualex Horne.
683
00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:31,600
Quow, quenis.
684
00:35:33,720 --> 00:35:36,640
And this is what Americans
call quoffee.
685
00:35:38,440 --> 00:35:39,960
I think I've won that one. Do you?
686
00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:42,840
Yeah. Your speech sounds better now.
687
00:35:42,880 --> 00:35:44,800
I think I've quon that one.
688
00:35:45,960 --> 00:35:47,880
Qwell.
689
00:35:47,920 --> 00:35:49,240
Thank you, David. Thanks.
690
00:35:55,240 --> 00:35:58,160
Well, stop the press,
I'm going to allow quoffee.
691
00:36:00,520 --> 00:36:03,200
Thank you very much. The rest of it
was quap, wasn't it?
692
00:36:04,680 --> 00:36:06,480
The quappest thing we've seen.
693
00:36:06,520 --> 00:36:10,400
'He was unlucky. I mean, he missed... There were
quite a few things around the house. Were there?
694
00:36:10,440 --> 00:36:12,520
In the fridge there was quail eggs,
quiche, quince,
695
00:36:12,560 --> 00:36:14,120
half a quesadilla, and genuinely...
696
00:36:14,160 --> 00:36:18,120
What? You put special Q stuff in the
fridge in case someone picked Q?
697
00:36:18,160 --> 00:36:19,560
We thought someone might pick Q.
698
00:36:19,600 --> 00:36:22,120
And there was also 60 packs of
Quavers, just so you know.
699
00:36:24,040 --> 00:36:26,400
60 packs of Quavers? Yeah,
and if you'd emptied them out...
700
00:36:26,440 --> 00:36:27,856
Oh, my God, if you emptied those out
701
00:36:27,880 --> 00:36:29,560
it would've been thousands
of Quavers.
702
00:36:29,600 --> 00:36:31,560
Yeah, but he would have
gone, "Quisps."
703
00:36:35,920 --> 00:36:37,000
I feel terrible.
704
00:36:38,360 --> 00:36:39,800
So David gets one point,
705
00:36:39,840 --> 00:36:42,880
two for Ed, three for Jo,
four for Katy
706
00:36:42,920 --> 00:36:46,120
but Rose Matafeo, with a pure entry,
gets five points.
707
00:36:50,640 --> 00:36:53,280
Let's take a glance at the scores.
708
00:36:53,320 --> 00:36:55,080
OK, well, it goes 10, 11, 12, 13,
709
00:36:55,120 --> 00:36:57,560
but at the top is
Ed Gamble with 15 points.
710
00:36:57,600 --> 00:36:58,720
Whoa!
711
00:37:02,920 --> 00:37:04,480
Will you please vacate the area?
712
00:37:04,520 --> 00:37:07,120
Head to the stage for the final
task of the show!
713
00:37:18,120 --> 00:37:19,800
Who will read the task out?
714
00:37:19,840 --> 00:37:22,200
David Baddiel's going to
read this one.
715
00:37:22,240 --> 00:37:25,480
Throw your things far
but not too far.
716
00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:29,120
Taking it in turns,
you must select a thing
717
00:37:29,160 --> 00:37:32,360
and throw it beyond the line
but not off the runway.
718
00:37:33,480 --> 00:37:39,080
If your thing does not end up in the
safe zone, you are disqualified.
719
00:37:39,120 --> 00:37:41,240
If all objects end up
in the safe zone,
720
00:37:41,280 --> 00:37:43,840
the person who has thrown
their thing
721
00:37:43,880 --> 00:37:46,720
the shortest distance
is disqualified.
722
00:37:46,760 --> 00:37:51,040
You may not manipulate your things
in any way before throwing them.
723
00:37:51,080 --> 00:37:54,040
Last player standing wins.
724
00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:56,240
Got it. Have you? Yeah.
725
00:37:56,280 --> 00:37:58,960
You pick a thing, you've gotta get
it over that line
726
00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:02,280
but not off the thing. If you get it
off the thing, you're disqualified.
727
00:38:02,320 --> 00:38:04,760
If everyone gets their things
within the safe zone
728
00:38:04,800 --> 00:38:06,960
then the person who's thrown it
the shortest distance
729
00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:09,800
over that line is eliminated, and we
keep going and picking a new thing
730
00:38:09,840 --> 00:38:12,760
until everyone's out apart from one
person who's the winner of the task.
731
00:38:12,800 --> 00:38:13,800
Correct.
732
00:38:15,720 --> 00:38:18,720
They applauded but I still
didn't understand.
733
00:38:18,760 --> 00:38:20,440
It's like an educational video
734
00:38:20,480 --> 00:38:22,200
showing the collapse
of the human mind.
735
00:38:24,240 --> 00:38:26,520
They've got a swimming noodle,
an egg, a birthday card
736
00:38:26,560 --> 00:38:27,800
and a grain of rice. OK?
737
00:38:27,840 --> 00:38:30,600
Oh, I chucked the grain of rice,
I thought it was dirt.
738
00:38:38,040 --> 00:38:41,560
OK, on the whistle, please choose
your first item and hold it aloft.
739
00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:42,800
One, two, three.
740
00:38:42,840 --> 00:38:47,040
OK. Egg, egg, rice, egg, noodle.
741
00:38:47,080 --> 00:38:48,680
That's the order. Let's play.
742
00:38:48,720 --> 00:38:50,880
OK, it's Ed to throw first.
743
00:38:50,920 --> 00:38:52,400
Remember the shortest distance,
744
00:38:52,440 --> 00:38:54,680
if they all make it into the safe
zone, is disqualified.
745
00:38:54,720 --> 00:38:56,760
Go on, Ed. Thank you.
746
00:38:58,560 --> 00:38:59,800
It's a crazy choice.
747
00:38:59,840 --> 00:39:01,720
Oh, what?!
748
00:39:01,760 --> 00:39:03,440
Whoa!
749
00:39:06,040 --> 00:39:08,480
Absolute bullshit!
750
00:39:08,520 --> 00:39:10,280
And good luck!
751
00:39:10,320 --> 00:39:13,000
You thought you understood
but you didn't.
752
00:39:13,040 --> 00:39:15,000
David, look at what you're holding!
753
00:39:15,040 --> 00:39:17,920
No, I've worked it out
from your mistake.
754
00:39:17,960 --> 00:39:20,280
Mate, that is bouncing,
wherever you throw it.
755
00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:22,280
The old rubber egg, eh?
756
00:39:24,040 --> 00:39:25,120
Ed.
757
00:39:25,160 --> 00:39:26,480
In second place it's Rose.
758
00:39:26,520 --> 00:39:29,880
If you can come to the throwing spot
and hurl your noodle, please.
759
00:39:29,920 --> 00:39:32,840
I'll just warn you now,
that noodle is made entirely of egg.
760
00:39:39,360 --> 00:39:41,240
Oh, Goddamn it!
761
00:39:41,280 --> 00:39:43,120
Could not be shitter.
762
00:39:47,000 --> 00:39:49,040
And next up, yes,
it's Jo to the oche.
763
00:39:50,120 --> 00:39:51,440
With her grain of rice.
764
00:39:54,800 --> 00:39:55,800
It's safe!
765
00:39:58,400 --> 00:39:59,720
That's rice tossing!
766
00:40:00,840 --> 00:40:05,160
And, Greg, it's egg time again as we
welcome David Baddiel to the oche.
767
00:40:05,200 --> 00:40:07,120
Thank you very much.
It's Mr Rubber Egg.
768
00:40:11,480 --> 00:40:13,320
Oh, no!
769
00:40:16,200 --> 00:40:18,880
Yes, yes, go!
770
00:40:26,960 --> 00:40:29,840
That's going to collapse. That will
collapse. That will collapse.
771
00:40:29,880 --> 00:40:30,880
Wow.
772
00:40:30,920 --> 00:40:32,720
He's out! Get out of here!
773
00:40:32,760 --> 00:40:34,160
Get out! Come on.
774
00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:35,200
Oh, my God.
775
00:40:39,800 --> 00:40:41,600
The final throw is Katy
with another egg.
776
00:40:41,640 --> 00:40:42,720
Oh, my God.
777
00:40:42,760 --> 00:40:44,720
Go on, Katy! Thank you.
778
00:40:44,760 --> 00:40:47,000
I'm just...
779
00:40:47,040 --> 00:40:48,400
You can do it.
780
00:40:48,440 --> 00:40:50,760
I'm worried that this is
haunted like that one.
781
00:40:56,920 --> 00:40:58,000
She's out!
782
00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:01,000
Right.
783
00:41:02,680 --> 00:41:05,080
Well, it's the final.
784
00:41:05,120 --> 00:41:06,640
So, these three have got one point.
785
00:41:06,680 --> 00:41:09,360
These two will have either five
or four points. Yes.
786
00:41:09,400 --> 00:41:12,920
So, when the whistle blows,
please select your next item.
787
00:41:12,960 --> 00:41:15,080
One, two, three.
788
00:41:15,120 --> 00:41:16,960
Lovely. Noodle v rice.
789
00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:18,880
Classic.
790
00:41:18,920 --> 00:41:20,680
It's gonna be Rose to throw first.
791
00:41:20,720 --> 00:41:23,280
The young pretender, Matafeo.
792
00:41:23,320 --> 00:41:24,400
Rice on!
793
00:41:29,960 --> 00:41:31,200
Oh, lovely! Lovely.
794
00:41:31,240 --> 00:41:33,080
Oh, lovely.
795
00:41:33,120 --> 00:41:34,640
Where did it go? I can't see it.
796
00:41:37,160 --> 00:41:40,200
You've got to throw beyond that...
Yeah. ..but not beyond that to win.
797
00:41:40,240 --> 00:41:41,320
OK.
798
00:41:41,360 --> 00:41:44,880
You join us here,
the atmosphere electric...
799
00:41:50,760 --> 00:41:51,880
She's out.
800
00:41:51,920 --> 00:41:53,960
Four points to Jo.
801
00:41:54,000 --> 00:41:55,960
Well done, love. Well done.
802
00:41:56,000 --> 00:41:58,080
Rose Matafeo!
803
00:41:59,680 --> 00:42:02,440
Right, come down, we'll add that to
the final scores!
804
00:42:09,760 --> 00:42:14,960
Well, it's not very often that a
new international sport is created.
805
00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:18,080
So, all the people who took the Ed
Gamble at the beginning went out,
806
00:42:18,120 --> 00:42:19,640
gets one point.
807
00:42:19,680 --> 00:42:22,520
Ed, Katy and David. Correct.
808
00:42:22,560 --> 00:42:24,360
Then we had the final.
Jo got four points
809
00:42:24,400 --> 00:42:26,720
but the winner was Rose Matafeo,
who got five points.
810
00:42:28,920 --> 00:42:31,656
And I've got the final scores, do
you want to see who won the episode?
811
00:42:31,680 --> 00:42:34,240
Ye-e-e-e-e-e-e-es!
812
00:42:36,600 --> 00:42:38,560
The winner with 18 points...
813
00:42:38,600 --> 00:42:40,440
..was Rose Matafeo!
814
00:42:44,040 --> 00:42:46,760
Rose Matafeo is tonight's winner!
815
00:42:46,800 --> 00:42:48,560
Please head to the stage
to celebrate
816
00:42:48,600 --> 00:42:50,880
with the best possible thing to
celebrate with!
817
00:42:54,680 --> 00:42:57,520
So, what have we learnt today?
818
00:42:57,560 --> 00:43:01,160
We've learnt that sometimes it's
nice to just turn off your telly,
819
00:43:01,200 --> 00:43:03,680
gather the family round,
and have a good old game
820
00:43:03,720 --> 00:43:07,160
of stopping the Nazi hordes from
imposing their evil will
821
00:43:07,200 --> 00:43:08,840
on the entire world.
822
00:43:08,880 --> 00:43:11,200
See you next time
for more nice times.
823
00:43:11,240 --> 00:43:13,440
And now let's applaud
tonight's winner again.
824
00:43:13,480 --> 00:43:17,160
It is, of course, Rose Matafeo!
825
00:43:45,640 --> 00:43:48,000
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