1
00:00:34,370 --> 00:00:35,520
Hello!
2
00:00:36,930 --> 00:00:42,440
I am Greg Davies. Welcome to the
Taskmaster series four grand final!
3
00:00:45,570 --> 00:00:48,370
It has been an incredibly
competitive series,
4
00:00:48,370 --> 00:00:50,430
complete with some of
the most brilliant
5
00:00:50,430 --> 00:00:53,130
and disturbing task attempts
we've ever seen.
6
00:00:53,130 --> 00:00:55,730
But what a journey our five
comedians have been on.
7
00:00:55,730 --> 00:01:00,110
Roughly an hour in an executive car
from their homes to the studios.
8
00:01:00,110 --> 00:01:01,330
The poor things.
9
00:01:01,330 --> 00:01:02,930
Still...
10
00:01:02,930 --> 00:01:06,480
They should, on the whole,
be very proud of themselves.
11
00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:08,800
Before too long, one of
them will take home
12
00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:11,060
the whole reason for being here.
13
00:01:11,060 --> 00:01:13,130
Me. In head form.
14
00:01:15,060 --> 00:01:16,750
Shall we meet our finalists?
15
00:01:16,750 --> 00:01:18,460
Yes. They are...
16
00:01:18,460 --> 00:01:20,450
Hugh Dennis!
17
00:01:20,450 --> 00:01:22,485
Joe Lycett!
18
00:01:22,485 --> 00:01:25,020
Lolly Adefope!
19
00:01:25,020 --> 00:01:27,030
Mel Giedroyc!
20
00:01:27,030 --> 00:01:29,550
And Noel Fielding!
21
00:01:32,730 --> 00:01:36,280
And for the last time this series,
who's on my left?
22
00:01:36,280 --> 00:01:39,880
- ♪ It's little Alex Hooorne ♪
- Alex Horne. Alex Horne.
23
00:01:44,160 --> 00:01:47,710
How are you, you irritating
little chicken?
24
00:01:49,820 --> 00:01:51,860
Good. Excited about the final.
25
00:01:51,860 --> 00:01:52,280
Yeah?
26
00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:54,770
I thought I could try an
anecdote for the first time.
27
00:01:54,770 --> 00:01:55,660
Oh, that'll be nice.
28
00:01:55,660 --> 00:01:57,150
- Recently...
- Yep?
29
00:01:57,150 --> 00:01:59,150
I had a close shave,
'cause I was quite naughty,
30
00:01:59,150 --> 00:02:00,510
which I know you don't like.
31
00:02:00,510 --> 00:02:02,200
And then I had to have a
taste of my own medicine,
32
00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:04,170
but it was fine, because it
was my own medicine,
33
00:02:04,170 --> 00:02:06,040
and it was penicillin, and I
quite like penicillin.
34
00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:07,350
That's my anecdote.
35
00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:19,020
So, Alex, let's start
the show properly.
36
00:02:19,020 --> 00:02:21,110
What's the final prize category?
37
00:02:21,110 --> 00:02:22,310
I'm so sorry. It's a big one.
38
00:02:22,310 --> 00:02:23,370
It's a big one. It's big.
39
00:02:23,370 --> 00:02:26,550
This time we've asked them
to bring in, for the prize,
40
00:02:26,550 --> 00:02:28,450
the most cash.
41
00:02:28,450 --> 00:02:29,440
OK?
42
00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:31,750
Woo!
43
00:02:31,750 --> 00:02:33,930
Here we go. So, whoever has
brought in the most cash
44
00:02:33,930 --> 00:02:36,530
will get in the first five
points of the show.
45
00:02:36,530 --> 00:02:39,550
Whoever wins the episode
will bring home the bacon.
46
00:02:39,550 --> 00:02:41,350
As in, all the cash. OK?
47
00:02:41,350 --> 00:02:43,800
Yep, good. Let's start. Hugh?
48
00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:47,130
Now, I'm presuming that you
are ludicrously rich.
49
00:02:47,130 --> 00:02:49,280
So you will have brought
a vast amount of cash.
50
00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:51,020
I have brought with me...
51
00:02:51,020 --> 00:02:53,250
two million.
52
00:02:53,250 --> 00:02:55,660
Vietnamese dong.
53
00:02:57,530 --> 00:03:00,140
We can see Hugh's dong.
There it is.
54
00:03:00,140 --> 00:03:03,820
How lovely to see your dong
blown up on a screen.
55
00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:07,910
How much are Hugh's dongs worth?
56
00:03:07,910 --> 00:03:10,640
Well, it's two million dong there.
It's worth £72.20.
57
00:03:10,640 --> 00:03:12,060
- Oh.
- Hmm.
58
00:03:12,060 --> 00:03:14,220
Seventy-two pounds.
Thanks, Hugh.
59
00:03:14,220 --> 00:03:16,950
For securing last place.
60
00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:20,500
- Who's next? Joe?
- Yes.
61
00:03:20,500 --> 00:03:22,400
I have brought in...
62
00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:24,200
two hundred and fifty...
63
00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:27,060
English sterling pounds.
64
00:03:28,020 --> 00:03:29,800
- Wooo!
- Simple as that?
65
00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:31,540
Not as simple as that.
66
00:03:32,420 --> 00:03:34,170
It is in pennies.
67
00:03:36,460 --> 00:03:38,660
- It's a lot of cash.
- It's a lot of cash.
68
00:03:39,550 --> 00:03:40,930
Most cash.
69
00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:45,460
It weight 89 kilograms.
70
00:03:48,310 --> 00:03:49,820
Well done, you know, I mean...
71
00:03:49,820 --> 00:03:52,620
- It's a lot of cash.
- That's £250.
72
00:03:52,620 --> 00:03:53,400
Noel?
73
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:58,600
What I was thinking was, "Why don't
I invent my own currency?"
74
00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:02,600
So I've invented the note and I've
spent a long time painting it.
75
00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:08,750
That's really good.
76
00:04:08,750 --> 00:04:11,495
- I think I've nailed Alex.
- Mm-hm.
77
00:04:11,495 --> 00:04:14,450
I've given Greg too much neck, sorry.
78
00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:17,750
But how much is it worth?
79
00:04:17,750 --> 00:04:20,020
Can you put a price on
how happy we are,
80
00:04:20,020 --> 00:04:22,950
massaging our egos, making us
feel good about ourselves?
81
00:04:22,950 --> 00:04:24,710
We've both got crushingly
low self-esteem.
82
00:04:24,710 --> 00:04:26,000
Haven't you?
83
00:04:28,660 --> 00:04:29,440
Mel?
84
00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:33,440
Now... I'm part of a sort
of poker circle.
85
00:04:34,350 --> 00:04:36,580
- With Mary Berry...
- Yeah?
86
00:04:37,550 --> 00:04:39,600
- Judith Chalmers.
- Chalmers?
87
00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:40,930
Rippon, Angela.
88
00:04:40,930 --> 00:04:43,200
Oh, Rippon. Nasty piece of work.
89
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:45,370
- Yeah.
- Always carries a blade.
90
00:04:45,370 --> 00:04:46,710
Exactly.
91
00:04:46,710 --> 00:04:49,970
We were having a very intense
poker circle night.
92
00:04:49,970 --> 00:04:50,460
Yeah?
93
00:04:50,460 --> 00:04:56,110
I came away with nearly a
million pounds of the realm.
94
00:04:56,110 --> 00:04:57,240
- Check it out, gang.
- Mm-hm.
95
00:04:57,240 --> 00:04:58,730
- It's for real.
- What?!
96
00:04:58,730 --> 00:05:00,600
- A million pounds?
- Nearly a million.
97
00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:01,800
Genuine...?
98
00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:04,350
Well, yeah, the top layer
is genuine, yeah.
99
00:05:04,350 --> 00:05:06,460
- The top layer is genuine.
- OK.
100
00:05:06,460 --> 00:05:07,280
And the catch?
101
00:05:07,280 --> 00:05:10,570
And then underneath that,
there is Monopoly money.
102
00:05:11,730 --> 00:05:14,970
But it is genuinely £987,000
103
00:05:14,970 --> 00:05:16,220
- of Monopoly money.
- Exactly.
104
00:05:16,220 --> 00:05:18,080
- It's 48 board games' worth.
- Thank you.
105
00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:21,420
- There was also £250.
- It's £240 on the top.
106
00:05:21,420 --> 00:05:22,990
£240 on top, real money.
107
00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:25,880
OK, that puts her just below
Joe Lycett's coppers.
108
00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:28,970
True, and if she hadn't spent all the
money on the Monopoly boards,
109
00:05:28,970 --> 00:05:32,550
Well, she spent £815.12
on the Monopoly sets.
110
00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:41,570
Lolly?
111
00:05:41,570 --> 00:05:44,820
So, what I've done is I've
brought in a blank cheque,
112
00:05:44,820 --> 00:05:48,880
and I'm just gonna put 1p more
than whoever is in the lead.
113
00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:50,950
And just... just win.
114
00:05:50,950 --> 00:05:54,010
There's the cheque. Have a look.
115
00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:56,970
Yeah, but are you
good for it, Lolly?
116
00:05:56,970 --> 00:05:58,150
- What have you got?
- Oh, yes.
117
00:05:58,150 --> 00:05:59,060
What cash have you got?
118
00:05:59,060 --> 00:06:01,630
Well, I'm sitting on £2,000.
119
00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:04,840
- What d'you mean?
- In cash.
120
00:06:04,840 --> 00:06:05,840
What?!
121
00:06:07,620 --> 00:06:10,370
I just thought, "Just have a backup."
122
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:12,480
- Have two grand.
- So I've emptied out...
123
00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:21,180
Lolly! Very strong.
124
00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:30,060
Alright, then. Does that help
you make your mind up?
125
00:06:30,060 --> 00:06:31,130
- Yeah.
- Well, good.
126
00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:33,220
Fifth place?
127
00:06:33,220 --> 00:06:36,460
Well, this is gonna be a
big surprise to you.
128
00:06:36,460 --> 00:06:37,460
Ding dong.
129
00:06:40,260 --> 00:06:42,950
Mel, I'm really sorry, but you
come in fourth place,
130
00:06:42,950 --> 00:06:44,220
'cause it's not real money.
131
00:06:44,220 --> 00:06:45,800
Noel, I'm putting you in third place.
132
00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:47,640
It's brilliant, but it's not legal tender.
133
00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:50,260
Joe, second. It's the second most cash.
134
00:06:50,260 --> 00:06:52,600
This is the most cash. Lolly is the winner.
135
00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:54,330
OK. Five points to Lolly Adefope.
136
00:06:59,060 --> 00:07:00,950
OK, Greg, before the first task,
137
00:07:00,950 --> 00:07:03,130
shall I update you on the
series scoreboard?
138
00:07:03,130 --> 00:07:03,970
OK, Alex.
139
00:07:03,970 --> 00:07:06,820
OK, so, in fifth place,
Mel Giedroyc.
140
00:07:06,820 --> 00:07:10,510
Lolly's off last place for the
first time in the whole series.
141
00:07:13,730 --> 00:07:19,800
It goes Mel on 115,
Hugh and Lolly on 117,
142
00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:23,240
Joe on 124 and Noel on
127. It's close.
143
00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:25,095
- Very close.
- Oooh!
144
00:07:25,095 --> 00:07:27,070
Woo-hoo-hoo!
145
00:07:27,840 --> 00:07:29,060
OK, Alex. What have
we got first?
146
00:07:29,060 --> 00:07:30,580
It's lunch time.
147
00:07:41,860 --> 00:07:43,080
Hel-- Ooh.
148
00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:44,430
Now, there's exciting.
149
00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:46,910
Ahhh.
150
00:07:46,910 --> 00:07:49,950
It's a hat. You just don't
understand fashion.
151
00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:52,510
I'm ready for the party.
152
00:07:55,150 --> 00:07:57,350
"Make the most exotic sandwich."
153
00:07:57,350 --> 00:08:00,550
"You have ten minutes to plan
your exotic sandwich..."
154
00:08:00,550 --> 00:08:02,480
"then ten minutes
to construct it."
155
00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:05,405
"Your time starts now."
156
00:08:05,405 --> 00:08:06,870
Right.
157
00:08:09,150 --> 00:08:10,840
What do you think "exotic" means?
158
00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:13,620
That, to me, says maybe
fillings that have
159
00:08:13,620 --> 00:08:15,940
never been seen in
a sandwich before.
160
00:08:16,710 --> 00:08:17,810
Um...
161
00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:19,940
OK.
162
00:08:19,940 --> 00:08:23,195
So, what I would like, please, is...
163
00:08:23,195 --> 00:08:25,660
Some Moroccan flatbread...
164
00:08:25,660 --> 00:08:26,940
Turkish delight.
165
00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:28,645
That's very exotic.
166
00:08:28,645 --> 00:08:32,800
Get me some wholemeal bread
and maybe some pita bread as well.
167
00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:34,860
Wholemeal, though.
I'm not an idiot.
168
00:08:34,860 --> 00:08:36,770
So, I need a kumquat.
169
00:08:36,770 --> 00:08:39,285
A Gregg's sausage roll.
170
00:08:39,285 --> 00:08:41,040
Kiwi fruit.
171
00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:43,130
- Let's go all sweet.
- Mm-hm.
172
00:08:43,130 --> 00:08:46,205
Heck. Everyone's gonna go
savoury, aren't they?
173
00:08:46,205 --> 00:08:48,400
Some smoked trout.
174
00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:50,040
Then a Crunchie bar.
175
00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:51,910
Then a Kit-Kat.
176
00:08:51,910 --> 00:08:53,570
Then a Double Decker.
177
00:08:53,570 --> 00:08:54,870
Oh, a yam.
178
00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:57,380
Tequila. Some tequila.
179
00:08:58,200 --> 00:08:59,870
What they eat in France.
180
00:08:59,870 --> 00:09:01,970
Er, croissants.
181
00:09:01,970 --> 00:09:03,510
OK. I'll go shopping.
182
00:09:03,510 --> 00:09:04,060
OK.
183
00:09:04,060 --> 00:09:05,550
- Shall I come with you?
- No, thank you.
184
00:09:05,550 --> 00:09:06,770
- Do you need money?
- No.
185
00:09:06,770 --> 00:09:07,220
OK.
186
00:09:07,220 --> 00:09:08,130
Bag for Life?
187
00:09:08,130 --> 00:09:09,230
See you later.
188
00:09:16,550 --> 00:09:17,840
I wanna start with Mel.
189
00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:21,750
She looked very excited and I'm
keen to see her sandwich.
190
00:09:21,750 --> 00:09:23,640
OK. She did say,
before she started,
191
00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:25,710
"I want to blow the
Taskmaster's tiny mind."
192
00:09:25,710 --> 00:09:26,810
Here we go.
193
00:09:30,310 --> 00:09:31,750
This is so good.
194
00:09:31,750 --> 00:09:32,770
Alright.
195
00:09:32,770 --> 00:09:34,000
Chocolate spread.
196
00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:36,240
Good layer of the Chocolate Orange.
197
00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:37,620
Little breadski.
198
00:09:38,880 --> 00:09:40,040
Double Deckers.
199
00:09:40,040 --> 00:09:41,530
Bit more of the Nutella.
200
00:09:41,530 --> 00:09:43,180
Let's go for the Crunchie.
201
00:09:44,110 --> 00:09:44,970
Three minutes.
202
00:09:44,970 --> 00:09:47,080
Three minutes?! Wah!
203
00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:48,750
Let's do some M&Ms.
204
00:09:48,750 --> 00:09:50,985
Phwoar.
205
00:09:50,985 --> 00:09:52,550
Malties.
206
00:09:52,550 --> 00:09:56,750
I can see why people get stressed
out on these cookery shows.
207
00:09:56,750 --> 00:10:00,090
This is absolutely
appallingly stressful.
208
00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:03,680
Just bronzing up the marshmallows.
209
00:10:05,775 --> 00:10:09,300
That, to me, is like a sort
of Japanese pagoda.
210
00:10:10,950 --> 00:10:12,280
Can I give you this as well, Mel?
211
00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:13,750
- Yes.
- Just to say thank you.
212
00:10:13,750 --> 00:10:15,080
- Is that for me?
- Yes.
213
00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:16,180
Thank you.
214
00:10:19,970 --> 00:10:22,460
"Eat your exotic sandwich.
Fastest wins."
215
00:10:28,630 --> 00:10:30,330
Final line, please, Mel.
216
00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:35,200
What's the task say, Mel?
217
00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:36,850
- "Time starts now."
- OK.
218
00:10:38,300 --> 00:10:39,580
Oh, gang.
219
00:11:04,820 --> 00:11:06,310
Something's gone up my nose.
220
00:11:07,970 --> 00:11:09,660
I've got something up my nose.
221
00:11:09,660 --> 00:11:11,540
- Let's see.
- Something's gone up my nose!
222
00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:13,370
It's...
223
00:11:13,370 --> 00:11:14,330
What is it, mate?
224
00:11:14,330 --> 00:11:15,310
It's an M&M.
225
00:11:15,310 --> 00:11:16,310
Is it?
226
00:11:22,860 --> 00:11:24,280
I can't do any more than that.
227
00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:25,110
Stop the clock?
228
00:11:25,110 --> 00:11:26,400
Mm-hm.
229
00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:36,300
Those showbiz nights, eh?
230
00:11:37,220 --> 00:11:38,660
Snorting M&Ms.
231
00:11:38,660 --> 00:11:39,460
Only blue ones.
232
00:11:39,460 --> 00:11:41,570
- Only blue, of course.
- Only blue ones.
233
00:11:41,570 --> 00:11:44,160
Is it exotic, that sandwich?
It's sort of...
234
00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:46,330
I mean, it's instant
diabetes, isn't it?
235
00:11:47,730 --> 00:11:49,080
Well, I suppose so. It was...
236
00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:50,840
Turkish delight, Crunchie,
Kit-Kat, Double Decker,
237
00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:52,600
Twix, Snickers, M&Ms,
icing sugar, marshmallows,
238
00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:54,710
chocolate eggs, Chocolate Oranges,
Nutella and a blowtorch.
239
00:11:54,710 --> 00:11:57,640
I suppose it's sort of exotic.
240
00:11:57,640 --> 00:11:59,460
So you're gonna judge the most
exotic and then I'll tell you...
241
00:11:59,460 --> 00:12:01,860
It was meant to be who can eat
their sandwich the fastest.
242
00:12:01,860 --> 00:12:04,855
I can reveal nobody
finished their sandwich.
243
00:12:04,855 --> 00:12:07,840
So it's who ate the most
of their sandwich.
244
00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:11,080
You ate four good-sized bites,
essentially one Double-Decker,
245
00:12:11,080 --> 00:12:12,680
and you inhaled the M&M.
246
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:16,040
It's gotta be a bonus,
a nasal M&M, hasn't it?
247
00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:17,320
Always.
248
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:21,060
OK, I'm pressing pause with
one of my massive thumbs.
249
00:12:21,060 --> 00:12:24,140
Come back to us soon to see
celebrities eating things.
250
00:12:34,260 --> 00:12:35,710
Hello!
251
00:12:35,710 --> 00:12:39,110
Welcome back to the final of Taskmaster.
What was going down, Alex?
252
00:12:39,110 --> 00:12:41,440
Well, bits of sandwich
were going down, Greg.
253
00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:44,440
They've been making exotic sandwiches
with exotic ingredients.
254
00:12:44,440 --> 00:12:46,610
But we've recently found out from Mel,
255
00:12:46,610 --> 00:12:49,550
there was a dramatic second
part to the task.
256
00:12:49,550 --> 00:12:55,150
OK. Here are Hugh, Joe and Lolly,
the savoury sandwich-makers.
257
00:12:55,150 --> 00:12:56,550
It's sandwich tiiime.
258
00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:01,950
Add a bit of halloumi there.
259
00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:08,660
Put the meat in first.
260
00:13:08,660 --> 00:13:10,120
Put the lamb bhuna sauce.
261
00:13:11,350 --> 00:13:12,420
Salmon.
262
00:13:12,420 --> 00:13:14,740
I mean, ideally the yam
would've been cooked.
263
00:13:15,460 --> 00:13:16,960
Pomegranate. Lovely.
264
00:13:19,260 --> 00:13:20,910
Just banana and kiwi.
265
00:13:20,910 --> 00:13:22,320
You don't need much tequila.
266
00:13:24,330 --> 00:13:25,960
Little bit of that sausage roll there.
267
00:13:33,060 --> 00:13:34,660
Oh.
268
00:13:34,660 --> 00:13:36,910
That's all the smoked trout.
269
00:13:37,930 --> 00:13:39,600
And the Arctic roll.
270
00:13:45,260 --> 00:13:46,260
I think that's it.
271
00:13:47,750 --> 00:13:49,150
Well, well done. I've got
this for you as well.
272
00:13:49,150 --> 00:13:50,720
Thank you so much. Thank you.
273
00:13:56,110 --> 00:13:57,900
You fucking prick.
274
00:13:59,330 --> 00:14:00,330
No!
275
00:14:00,330 --> 00:14:01,730
What does it say, Lolly?
276
00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:05,870
It says, "Eat your exotic sandwich."
277
00:14:12,170 --> 00:14:14,760
"Fastest wins.
Your time starts now."
278
00:14:16,770 --> 00:14:18,285
No!
279
00:14:18,285 --> 00:14:20,580
Beautiful. Well...
280
00:14:21,970 --> 00:14:23,070
Here we go.
281
00:14:29,110 --> 00:14:30,230
It's delicious.
282
00:14:41,860 --> 00:14:43,260
I think I'm done, though.
283
00:14:43,260 --> 00:14:44,440
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
284
00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:45,720
Stop the clock.
285
00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:48,110
- That's how you eat it.
- Oh, you've finished, have you?
286
00:14:48,110 --> 00:14:49,830
Mm, that's how you finish it.
287
00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:51,730
All gone.
288
00:14:51,730 --> 00:14:54,150
Do you think the Taskmaster
thinks you've eaten the sandwich?
289
00:14:54,150 --> 00:14:57,310
I'm not sure if he's ever had
a Mother's Delight, so...
290
00:14:57,310 --> 00:15:00,670
If he wants to argue that
that's not finished, then...
291
00:15:00,670 --> 00:15:02,280
that's up to him, isn't it?
292
00:15:03,060 --> 00:15:04,800
Hmm. Mother's Delight.
293
00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:14,240
Joe, your sandwich, that
amongst other ingredients...
294
00:15:14,240 --> 00:15:16,800
had an Arctic roll and some trout...
295
00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:20,750
Why was that called a
Mother's Delight?
296
00:15:20,750 --> 00:15:22,460
'Cause Alex asked me
what it was called,
297
00:15:22,460 --> 00:15:24,910
and I, in a panic, said
Mother's Delight.
298
00:15:26,950 --> 00:15:28,970
How were the corners of
your Mother's Delight?
299
00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:30,080
Fucking horrible.
300
00:15:32,310 --> 00:15:34,680
Lolly, mainly prawns
and frankfurters.
301
00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:36,060
- Yep.
- Mainly.
302
00:15:36,910 --> 00:15:38,040
I actually quite liked mine.
303
00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:39,910
Yeah, you ate for six minutes.
304
00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:49,150
And then Hugh.
305
00:15:49,150 --> 00:15:51,020
Hugh. Interesting.
306
00:15:51,020 --> 00:15:54,750
Well, I have divided it into two
different sides of the sandwich.
307
00:15:54,750 --> 00:15:55,280
Right.
308
00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:57,730
So the first half of the
sandwich was, I believe...
309
00:15:57,730 --> 00:15:58,550
I can tell you, if you want.
310
00:15:58,550 --> 00:16:02,070
Sashimi, halloumi, wasabi peas...
311
00:16:02,070 --> 00:16:05,480
Parma ham and Moroccan
flatbread. It was delicous.
312
00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:08,240
It just sounds like I'd buy
at Marks & Spencer's.
313
00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:11,440
What fucking Marks & Spencer's
do you go to?
314
00:16:13,770 --> 00:16:15,240
- Are you OK?
- You can't get anything like that.
315
00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:18,300
Yeah, I'm fine. I'm not used to someone
raising their voice at me like that.
316
00:16:19,060 --> 00:16:21,370
My instinct is to jump on
him like a puma.
317
00:16:25,150 --> 00:16:27,000
In Hugh's favour, he did
eat pretty much...
318
00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:28,260
He tucked some away,
threw some away,
319
00:16:28,260 --> 00:16:29,420
but he ate more than anyone else.
320
00:16:29,420 --> 00:16:32,250
Of course he did, 'cause it was
just a normal sandwich.
321
00:16:34,020 --> 00:16:36,980
One person left. This is Noel
Fielding's exotic sandwich.
322
00:16:37,770 --> 00:16:40,200
Well, I thought about
an exotic sandwich,
323
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,600
and then I thought about how
I could put a spin on that.
324
00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:46,260
So I thought maybe an
exotic dance sandwich.
325
00:16:46,260 --> 00:16:49,850
So I'll have to attach
some bread to you.
326
00:16:49,850 --> 00:16:53,275
And get you to do a
tiny exotic dance.
327
00:16:59,510 --> 00:17:01,280
Is that gonna work? Let go?
328
00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:03,750
Ah, sort of.
329
00:17:03,750 --> 00:17:05,930
This is gonna be a
powerful sandwich.
330
00:17:05,930 --> 00:17:08,480
It's more like a bread collage,
really, when you think about it.
331
00:17:08,480 --> 00:17:10,450
You look exotic, I would say.
332
00:17:11,220 --> 00:17:13,480
I'm just gonna get into position.
333
00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:15,640
Look through my bready peep-hole.
334
00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:17,220
Get ready to get turned on.
335
00:17:17,220 --> 00:17:18,320
Cue music.
336
00:17:26,130 --> 00:17:27,350
Why are you laughing?
337
00:17:33,370 --> 00:17:34,760
Woo!
338
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:57,280
Yeah?
339
00:17:57,280 --> 00:17:59,575
Beautiful, beautiful thing.
340
00:17:59,575 --> 00:18:01,770
Thank you so much.
341
00:18:01,770 --> 00:18:02,930
This is for you.
342
00:18:02,930 --> 00:18:04,260
Oh, this is amazing.
343
00:18:09,310 --> 00:18:12,730
"Eat your exotic sandwich."
344
00:18:12,730 --> 00:18:15,060
It's not that kind of show.
345
00:18:15,910 --> 00:18:17,330
How are we gonna do this?
346
00:18:17,330 --> 00:18:18,930
I dunno, but your
time starts now.
347
00:18:18,930 --> 00:18:21,740
OK. Just a nibble off the side.
348
00:18:24,350 --> 00:18:25,990
I don't have to eat the
whole thing, do I?
349
00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:28,140
Have a bit from the other side.
350
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:32,860
You've had a lot of the bread
and not much of the filling.
351
00:18:34,660 --> 00:18:35,860
How are we gonna do this?
352
00:18:35,860 --> 00:18:37,700
Dunno. It was your idea.
353
00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:43,210
Beard sandwich.
354
00:18:49,930 --> 00:18:50,710
Stop the clock.
355
00:18:50,710 --> 00:18:53,020
That's OK. Your beard's
unbelievable.
356
00:18:53,020 --> 00:18:54,800
- Tastes like passion fruit.
- Not ginger?
357
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:56,750
Lavender and Pot Noodle
mixed together.
358
00:18:56,750 --> 00:18:58,060
Those are all good.
359
00:18:58,060 --> 00:18:59,420
- Nice.
- Thank you.
360
00:19:03,710 --> 00:19:04,880
So good.
361
00:19:09,510 --> 00:19:11,060
Well, that was exotic, wasn't it?
362
00:19:11,060 --> 00:19:12,160
Mm-hm.
363
00:19:13,630 --> 00:19:16,530
I think I've literally never been
further out of my comfort zone.
364
00:19:18,370 --> 00:19:20,650
The idea that he was made
to do an erotic dance...
365
00:19:21,370 --> 00:19:24,280
I say "erotic", I once walked...
366
00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:26,820
I accidentally walked in on
my nan in the bath once.
367
00:19:26,820 --> 00:19:29,420
And that's the least erotic
thing I've ever seen.
368
00:19:32,310 --> 00:19:34,280
He ate your old horrible beard.
369
00:19:36,130 --> 00:19:38,330
I'm giving Noel a bonus
point for eating hair.
370
00:19:38,330 --> 00:19:40,530
I mean, you are aware that
when we're at home,
371
00:19:40,530 --> 00:19:43,260
Alex is only allowed to move
around like a snake.
372
00:19:50,820 --> 00:19:53,080
That beard is full of
mouse droppings.
373
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:57,280
OK, here we go.
374
00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:59,730
- Least exotic?
- Least exotic...
375
00:19:59,730 --> 00:20:03,610
♪ He popped to M&S and he
bought himself a sandwich ♪
376
00:20:04,330 --> 00:20:06,240
♪ Hugh Dennis ♪
377
00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:07,870
Mel, I loved your sandwich,
378
00:20:07,870 --> 00:20:10,940
but it's only exotic if
you're five years of age.
379
00:20:11,910 --> 00:20:14,710
Lolly, absolutely horrific.
380
00:20:14,710 --> 00:20:16,660
- OK, third?
- Third place.
381
00:20:16,660 --> 00:20:19,060
Second place, Joe.
382
00:20:19,060 --> 00:20:22,110
Combining trout and ice
cream, very brave,
383
00:20:22,110 --> 00:20:25,065
but not as exotic as
Mr Noel Fielding.
384
00:20:31,050 --> 00:20:34,240
There are extra points to be had
for the amount consumed.
385
00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:35,340
Yeah, and it is...
386
00:20:36,060 --> 00:20:37,770
exactly inversely proportional,
387
00:20:37,770 --> 00:20:39,060
and I guess this isn't surprising.
388
00:20:39,060 --> 00:20:40,860
You've given them five, four,
three, two, one points.
389
00:20:40,860 --> 00:20:42,620
I've given them one, two,
three, four, five points.
390
00:20:42,620 --> 00:20:45,180
So they each get six points,
so there's no point doing any of it.
391
00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:50,780
We all get six points.
392
00:20:51,750 --> 00:20:54,150
Greg, what about my extra
point for the beard?
393
00:20:54,150 --> 00:20:56,900
- You got an extra point for the beard.
- OK, Noel gets seven.
394
00:20:57,880 --> 00:20:59,730
I thought I got an extra one for the...
395
00:20:59,730 --> 00:21:01,400
Oh, did Mel get
one for snorting?
396
00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:03,310
Yeah, you said you were gonna give
me an extra one for snorting.
397
00:21:03,310 --> 00:21:03,830
Yep.
398
00:21:03,830 --> 00:21:05,840
So just to confirm, it's
six points, six points,
399
00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:07,570
six points, seven points,
seven points,
400
00:21:07,570 --> 00:21:10,460
which means the
scoreboard looks like this.
401
00:21:10,460 --> 00:21:14,370
Lolly's in the lead, Noel and Joe
are both in second place.
402
00:21:21,110 --> 00:21:24,040
That's the end of that part.
See you deep inside the next one.
403
00:21:33,260 --> 00:21:36,970
It's part three of the final and
we are playing for big money,
404
00:21:36,970 --> 00:21:38,860
or in Hugh's case, big dong.
405
00:21:39,970 --> 00:21:41,080
What's next, Alex?
406
00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:44,090
It's the world's greatest
sporting dilemma.
407
00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:57,430
See ya later, boys!
408
00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:02,100
Hello, Hugh.
409
00:22:03,510 --> 00:22:05,400
I didn't wear my football boots.
410
00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:07,200
Should I... go and get them?
411
00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:08,770
I think you'll be
alright for this one.
412
00:22:08,770 --> 00:22:10,780
That's a relief. I left them
in Birmingham.
413
00:22:11,950 --> 00:22:13,350
Ooh.
414
00:22:13,350 --> 00:22:15,750
- Don't want too many gloves.
- No.
415
00:22:15,750 --> 00:22:17,260
Now, what is that?
416
00:22:17,260 --> 00:22:18,530
It's a type of cheese.
417
00:22:18,530 --> 00:22:20,310
Er, that's a duck.
418
00:22:20,310 --> 00:22:21,770
That's a coconut.
419
00:22:21,770 --> 00:22:24,400
And a ping-pong ball,
I'm gonna guess.
420
00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:26,860
"Strike one of these objects..."
421
00:22:26,860 --> 00:22:32,130
"furthest distance with one
of the other objects."
422
00:22:32,130 --> 00:22:34,910
"You have three strikes with
your chosen object."
423
00:22:34,910 --> 00:22:37,750
So if I select one of these
and one of those, yeah?
424
00:22:37,750 --> 00:22:39,940
- Then you get three goes.
- Then I get three chances.
425
00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:49,150
So I imagine this is all about
club selection, right?
426
00:22:49,150 --> 00:22:50,660
That's right. We're at the home of golf,
427
00:22:50,660 --> 00:22:52,420
Chesham United Football Club, and...
428
00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:55,770
They had three attempts,
but they had to use
429
00:22:55,770 --> 00:22:57,820
the same objects on every attempt.
430
00:22:57,820 --> 00:23:00,770
OK, so do you want to start off with
the two most natural sportspeople?
431
00:23:00,770 --> 00:23:02,730
The most natural sportsmen,
Joe and Mel.
432
00:23:02,730 --> 00:23:04,090
Joe and Mel. OK.
433
00:23:05,330 --> 00:23:08,360
I'm thinking it would be foolish
to use the flotation device.
434
00:23:09,620 --> 00:23:11,830
We do aquaerobics with these.
435
00:23:13,240 --> 00:23:14,950
Piece of shit, innit?
436
00:23:14,950 --> 00:23:17,865
That, I sense, could
be a really good...
437
00:23:17,865 --> 00:23:20,530
whack with the duck, maybe.
438
00:23:20,530 --> 00:23:23,350
The coconut has the
most weight to it.
439
00:23:23,350 --> 00:23:26,730
The problem is, the impact on
the coconut could destroy it.
440
00:23:26,730 --> 00:23:30,795
I'm gonna go for...
snooker cue and duck.
441
00:23:30,795 --> 00:23:33,430
Or the cheese, or the cheese.
442
00:23:34,550 --> 00:23:36,530
It's not as nice as you
remember, is it?
443
00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:42,140
Can I put it on the tea?
444
00:23:42,140 --> 00:23:43,240
Why not?
445
00:23:46,900 --> 00:23:48,300
Attempt one.
446
00:23:51,620 --> 00:23:54,060
So my fears have become very real.
447
00:23:58,320 --> 00:23:59,420
Two.
448
00:24:03,220 --> 00:24:04,910
That was just the tester, that one.
449
00:24:04,910 --> 00:24:06,860
I think that counts
as your second go, Joe.
450
00:24:06,860 --> 00:24:08,060
This is your last attempt.
451
00:24:08,060 --> 00:24:09,160
Yeah.
452
00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:17,500
Very, very straight.
453
00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:21,650
Oh, oh! Do you see that
little bit there?
454
00:24:22,460 --> 00:24:24,220
I've got my eye on it,
I've got my eye on it.
455
00:24:24,950 --> 00:24:27,800
Eight metres and 12 centimetres.
456
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:29,550
Not outrageous, is it?
457
00:24:29,550 --> 00:24:31,970
Eighteen metres 45.
458
00:24:31,970 --> 00:24:33,070
Lovely.
459
00:24:34,710 --> 00:24:36,900
Good game of golf, that,
with the lads.
460
00:24:44,530 --> 00:24:46,130
Really wonderful performances.
461
00:24:46,130 --> 00:24:49,370
Interesting, you were almost
scientific in your prediction
462
00:24:49,370 --> 00:24:52,530
of how the coconut would behave
when hit with a snooker cue,
463
00:24:52,530 --> 00:24:53,820
and yet you continued.
464
00:24:55,150 --> 00:24:56,260
I mean, they were
both pretty good.
465
00:24:56,260 --> 00:24:58,150
Eight metres 12 for Mel.
That's quite far,
466
00:24:58,150 --> 00:25:01,750
except when you consider that the
world's longest hot dog is 204 metres.
467
00:25:04,080 --> 00:25:05,680
204 metres.
468
00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:08,670
That has certainly put things
in perspective, hasn't it?
469
00:25:09,440 --> 00:25:11,340
Up next, Lolly Adefope.
470
00:25:12,730 --> 00:25:14,220
Are we going snooker cue?
471
00:25:14,220 --> 00:25:15,670
I'm not sure yet.
472
00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:25,600
I'm gonna go with the pencil
and the coconut.
473
00:25:25,600 --> 00:25:26,700
Pencil, coconut.
474
00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:35,440
OK, do you want me to measure that?
475
00:25:36,110 --> 00:25:37,320
I think that was backwards.
476
00:25:38,110 --> 00:25:39,710
- That one.
- Yes, it didn't go forwards.
477
00:25:41,420 --> 00:25:43,770
- That one didn't go forwards as well.
- No, no it didn't.
478
00:25:43,770 --> 00:25:46,360
- This is your last attempt, Lolly.
- Oh, my gosh.
479
00:25:47,310 --> 00:25:49,250
Oh!
480
00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:51,480
No!
481
00:25:51,480 --> 00:25:52,650
You didn't hit it.
482
00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:56,460
It was, I mean, you dropped
it 25 centimetres.
483
00:25:57,975 --> 00:25:59,875
I'm really sorry, guys.
484
00:25:59,875 --> 00:26:05,100
Awww.
485
00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:16,440
I have... I have nightmares about that.
486
00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:17,725
Every night.
487
00:26:17,725 --> 00:26:20,310
It's nice, you know, because
people sit at home
488
00:26:20,310 --> 00:26:22,440
and watch telly, and sometimes
think people they
489
00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:24,660
see on their telly are
untouchable, you know?
490
00:26:26,550 --> 00:26:30,640
How nice. How nice for you, not
only to appear to be just one of them...
491
00:26:30,640 --> 00:26:32,640
- Vulnerable.
- but worse. Worse than them.
492
00:26:40,570 --> 00:26:42,110
So she didn't even clip it, did she?
493
00:26:42,110 --> 00:26:44,200
She was the only one not
to use the snooker cue.
494
00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:46,330
She sort of dropped it and
it rolled 20 centimetres,
495
00:26:46,330 --> 00:26:48,770
which is shorter than the
standard British sausage.
496
00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:55,280
So I've revealed that Hugh and Noel
both used the snooker cue.
497
00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:58,650
They also hit the same object.
Let's see who hit it further.
498
00:27:05,260 --> 00:27:08,050
That's a very, very, very
long thing, isn't it?
499
00:27:11,950 --> 00:27:13,380
That's definitely a strike.
500
00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:21,360
I don't think there's much chance
of me hitting the cheese again.
501
00:27:26,370 --> 00:27:28,440
- Dead straight, as well.
- Dead straight.
502
00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:29,610
Now we're talking.
503
00:27:41,570 --> 00:27:42,700
Where did that go?
504
00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:48,500
Might just leave it there.
505
00:27:50,730 --> 00:27:52,060
I mean, that's, I would say,
506
00:27:52,060 --> 00:27:53,820
the best thing you've ever
done in your life.
507
00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:57,280
Hopefully not.
508
00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:05,880
Wow!
509
00:28:05,880 --> 00:28:08,680
Weird, innit, but before this show,
I'd sort of thought of you as this
510
00:28:08,680 --> 00:28:10,600
sort of weirdy art nymph.
511
00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:13,310
But the more I see you,
you're just a lad.
512
00:28:13,310 --> 00:28:15,020
Just like, "Wahey!"
513
00:28:15,020 --> 00:28:17,820
I think that's a wig. All those
clothes are just for telly.
514
00:28:17,820 --> 00:28:20,950
At the weekend, you go out,
they call you Tony Three Pies,
515
00:28:20,950 --> 00:28:23,920
and you're out, "Wahey,
come on boys!"
516
00:28:25,150 --> 00:28:26,840
How far did he hit it?
517
00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:28,130
He hit it 29 metres.
518
00:28:28,130 --> 00:28:30,200
Well, 123 sausages. Incredible.
519
00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:31,480
Wow!
520
00:28:31,480 --> 00:28:33,180
29 metres 60.
521
00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:35,880
With a short cue.
522
00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:37,195
Hugh was amazing as well.
523
00:28:37,195 --> 00:28:40,255
Hugh was very poised.
524
00:28:40,255 --> 00:28:43,020
It was 24 metres.
It was 100 sausages.
525
00:28:43,020 --> 00:28:46,740
You were both incredible at
whacking cheese with a snooker cue.
526
00:28:46,740 --> 00:28:48,620
So the points were, Lolly gets one,
527
00:28:48,620 --> 00:28:50,200
Mel two, Joe three, Hugh four,
528
00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:52,770
but Noel Fielding gets five
points for that task.
529
00:28:57,930 --> 00:29:00,220
Is there another task
lined up, Alex Horne?
530
00:29:00,220 --> 00:29:03,150
There is, and you'll be surprised
with this one, hopefully.
531
00:29:03,150 --> 00:29:04,250
- Hmm!
- Ooh.
532
00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:16,900
- Hello, Lolly!
- Hello, Alex.
533
00:29:16,900 --> 00:29:17,980
Do you like a bath?
534
00:29:17,980 --> 00:29:21,560
Ohh, always a bath,
never a shower.
535
00:29:24,370 --> 00:29:26,740
Who's this guy? Same outfit.
536
00:29:29,600 --> 00:29:30,710
Alright?
537
00:29:30,710 --> 00:29:32,420
Shall we just go for it?
538
00:29:33,620 --> 00:29:36,420
"Do something surprising with
this rubber duck."
539
00:29:36,420 --> 00:29:38,700
"Most surprising wins."
540
00:29:38,700 --> 00:29:41,800
"You have ten minutes to plan
your surprising thing..."
541
00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:43,510
"then ten minutes to do it."
542
00:29:43,510 --> 00:29:46,810
I've got to think, what hasn't ever
been done with a rubber duck before?
543
00:29:48,310 --> 00:29:50,985
"Your time starts now."
544
00:29:58,110 --> 00:29:59,260
I'm a bath guy as well.
545
00:29:59,260 --> 00:30:01,170
- I like a bath. Never a shower.
- Yeah.
546
00:30:01,170 --> 00:30:03,480
Alex has never had a
shower or a bath.
547
00:30:03,480 --> 00:30:05,840
I make him clean himself
like a massive cat.
548
00:30:10,020 --> 00:30:11,110
Who are we gonna see first?
549
00:30:11,110 --> 00:30:12,640
Well, I think probably Joe.
550
00:30:12,640 --> 00:30:14,130
Joe was the only one who spent...
551
00:30:14,130 --> 00:30:16,350
nearly all of the ten
minutes in the bath.
552
00:30:18,220 --> 00:30:20,370
It's not a video we're going to see, is
it? You've brought your duck with you.
553
00:30:20,370 --> 00:30:21,930
Surprise.
554
00:30:21,930 --> 00:30:24,475
I'm already surprised.
555
00:30:24,475 --> 00:30:27,880
- Oooh.
- That's upped the game somewhat.
556
00:30:27,880 --> 00:30:28,980
Have a little look at that.
557
00:30:32,660 --> 00:30:34,915
There's some writing on
the bottom of this duck.
558
00:30:34,915 --> 00:30:36,660
You read it out, I'll put
it on the board.
559
00:30:36,660 --> 00:30:39,840
"Dear Greg, I've bought you
a holiday. Love, Joe."
560
00:30:41,460 --> 00:30:42,930
Here is the holiday.
561
00:30:50,640 --> 00:30:51,930
What's the holiday, Greg?
562
00:30:51,930 --> 00:30:55,440
An overnight stay in a timber yurt.
563
00:30:58,370 --> 00:31:00,040
Not any old timber yurt.
564
00:31:00,040 --> 00:31:03,020
It's set over 1,000 feet
above sea level.
565
00:31:03,020 --> 00:31:04,640
- Fucking is.
- Your favourite...
566
00:31:05,480 --> 00:31:07,060
I mean, it's actually quite good.
567
00:31:08,930 --> 00:31:11,150
Most people would just think
that was a novelty and not go.
568
00:31:11,150 --> 00:31:12,860
- I'm going to the fucking yurt.
- OK.
569
00:31:14,860 --> 00:31:16,600
OK, next surprise?
570
00:31:16,600 --> 00:31:18,240
- Yes, please.
- OK.
571
00:31:18,240 --> 00:31:22,070
We're gonna see Lolly
Adefope's duck surprise.
572
00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:43,940
So beautiful.
573
00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:48,200
So emotional.
574
00:31:50,150 --> 00:31:52,920
Aww, lovely!
575
00:31:55,170 --> 00:31:57,310
It was certainly a surprise
for the fucking duck.
576
00:31:59,660 --> 00:32:01,350
I thought it was really sweet.
577
00:32:01,350 --> 00:32:04,880
Make a duck fly. You're like
a latter-day Keith Harris.
578
00:32:08,910 --> 00:32:09,800
Who's next?
579
00:32:09,800 --> 00:32:12,280
Two down. It's time to see
Hugh Dennis's surprise,
580
00:32:12,280 --> 00:32:13,110
so prepare yourself.
581
00:32:13,110 --> 00:32:14,800
OK, so this, this is for you.
582
00:32:14,800 --> 00:32:17,260
What noise do ducks make?
583
00:32:17,260 --> 00:32:18,330
Quack, quack, quack.
584
00:32:18,330 --> 00:32:20,090
This is a surprising duck.
585
00:32:21,000 --> 00:32:22,460
- Yeah?
- You have to turn it over.
586
00:32:29,170 --> 00:32:30,440
That's quite good.
587
00:32:32,930 --> 00:32:34,570
It's really lovely, Hugh.
588
00:32:34,570 --> 00:32:35,550
Sweet, isn't it?
589
00:32:35,550 --> 00:32:37,820
Can you imagine the look
in his eye as he was...
590
00:32:37,820 --> 00:32:39,310
cutting up the cow?
591
00:32:39,310 --> 00:32:41,440
I cannot imagine...
592
00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:44,550
the look in a 55-year-old man's eyes
593
00:32:44,550 --> 00:32:46,770
when he made this mooing duck.
594
00:32:46,770 --> 00:32:48,330
OK.
595
00:32:48,330 --> 00:32:49,530
Right, stop everything.
596
00:32:49,530 --> 00:32:52,510
That is my last link into
a break this series.
597
00:32:52,510 --> 00:32:54,340
Let's take a moment to soak it up.
598
00:32:55,110 --> 00:32:56,760
OK, good. See you soon.
599
00:33:06,910 --> 00:33:09,640
Hello and welcome back
for the final time
600
00:33:09,640 --> 00:33:12,480
in this mucky rollercoaster
ride of a series.
601
00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:13,770
Who will win this episode?
602
00:33:13,770 --> 00:33:15,880
Who will become the
series champion? Alex?
603
00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:18,550
So, they've been trying to
surprise you with a duck.
604
00:33:18,550 --> 00:33:21,605
Up next, Mel Giedroyc.
605
00:33:21,605 --> 00:33:23,320
I'm thinking I might...
606
00:33:23,320 --> 00:33:26,630
surprise somebody from
the outside world.
607
00:33:30,600 --> 00:33:31,770
Hiya!
608
00:33:31,770 --> 00:33:33,090
Some food's arrived.
609
00:33:34,750 --> 00:33:38,630
Can I ask you, would you mind
helping me with something?
610
00:33:40,680 --> 00:33:41,730
Now, Alex...
611
00:33:41,730 --> 00:33:43,660
- Yes, Mel?
- Good news.
612
00:33:43,660 --> 00:33:47,460
You said you wanted something
surprising with the rubber duck.
613
00:33:47,460 --> 00:33:49,610
Morello! Come on, Morello.
614
00:33:50,480 --> 00:33:52,330
Park up just there, my love.
615
00:33:52,330 --> 00:33:54,420
Amazing, thank you.
616
00:33:54,420 --> 00:33:59,180
Now, Morello. Have a look
in your courier box.
617
00:34:06,200 --> 00:34:08,110
How do you feel about that?
618
00:34:08,110 --> 00:34:09,600
I didn't expect it.
619
00:34:09,600 --> 00:34:10,840
A bit surprised?
620
00:34:10,840 --> 00:34:13,350
Surprised. I didn't expect it, no.
621
00:34:13,350 --> 00:34:16,820
On a scale of surprise,
nought to ten,
622
00:34:16,820 --> 00:34:18,660
how surprised are you
feeling at the moment?
623
00:34:18,660 --> 00:34:22,050
A lot of surprise. I don't know
how that appeared in here.
624
00:34:22,050 --> 00:34:24,770
We need a number, Morello.
Out of ten, how surprised?
625
00:34:24,770 --> 00:34:26,020
Um...
626
00:34:26,020 --> 00:34:26,730
Ten.
627
00:34:26,730 --> 00:34:28,575
Whoa, maximum.
628
00:34:28,575 --> 00:34:31,310
Morello, you've been amazing.
Thanks so much.
629
00:34:31,310 --> 00:34:34,235
Oh, you're a ledge.
Thanks, Morello!
630
00:34:34,235 --> 00:34:35,670
Bye!
631
00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:37,510
Bye!
632
00:34:37,710 --> 00:34:38,810
Bye!
633
00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:48,670
I mean, there's a lot to
unpick there, isn't there?
634
00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:52,310
I mean, this may be pertinent.
Who the fuck was Morello?
635
00:34:53,680 --> 00:34:56,930
- Where did he come from?
- I met him outside. Super chap.
636
00:34:56,930 --> 00:34:59,130
- He seemed like a nice chap.
- Very amenable.
637
00:34:59,130 --> 00:35:00,930
I'm gonna say he seemed baffled.
638
00:35:02,710 --> 00:35:05,460
What was your technique
to get the duck into the...
639
00:35:06,170 --> 00:35:10,450
I made him look away and
then I slipped it into his box.
640
00:35:15,370 --> 00:35:17,370
You fried Morello's brain.
641
00:35:18,420 --> 00:35:22,410
And he was so shocked, his facial
expression didn't change at all.
642
00:35:24,170 --> 00:35:26,060
It's like he'd been
frozen in carbon.
643
00:35:27,530 --> 00:35:29,150
There we go, there's
just one left now.
644
00:35:29,150 --> 00:35:31,400
- One surprising duck.
- That is so strange, Mel.
645
00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:35,090
We're gonna see how Noel
Fielding has attempted
646
00:35:35,090 --> 00:35:36,850
- to surprise you with a duck.
- Yeah.
647
00:35:47,220 --> 00:35:53,110
Gathered here today to witness
the marriage of Noel to Ducky.
648
00:35:53,110 --> 00:35:56,440
Do you, Noel Gregory Fielding,
649
00:35:56,440 --> 00:35:59,820
take Ducky to be your
lawful wedded husband?
650
00:35:59,820 --> 00:36:00,920
I do, Tim.
651
00:36:02,240 --> 00:36:03,340
Pop the ring on.
652
00:36:05,350 --> 00:36:08,110
Noel, I now pronounce
you wife and Ducky.
653
00:36:08,110 --> 00:36:09,210
You may kiss the duck.
654
00:36:10,010 --> 00:36:10,610
Bop!
655
00:36:10,910 --> 00:36:11,910
Bop!
656
00:36:23,400 --> 00:36:24,950
I married a duck.
657
00:36:27,640 --> 00:36:29,050
I loved the dress.
658
00:36:29,930 --> 00:36:33,280
Can I just say that we did get
Tim Key a marriage licence,
659
00:36:33,280 --> 00:36:36,520
so I am... fucking
married to a duck.
660
00:36:37,820 --> 00:36:39,110
That's true.
661
00:36:39,110 --> 00:36:41,280
We got him a marriage licence
to marry people in Hawaii.
662
00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:41,880
Oh.
663
00:36:41,880 --> 00:36:45,570
So you've got to consummate the
marriage in Hawaii before it counts.
664
00:36:45,570 --> 00:36:48,540
I don't think that's on the certificate.
665
00:36:48,540 --> 00:36:53,330
I don't think... They're married as long
he takes the duck to Hawaii and fucks it.
666
00:36:56,350 --> 00:36:58,510
Shall I make a swift judgment?
667
00:36:58,510 --> 00:36:59,420
OK.
668
00:36:59,420 --> 00:37:00,290
OK, I'm sorry, Lolly.
669
00:37:00,290 --> 00:37:02,270
I'm gonna put you in last place,
purely because
670
00:37:02,270 --> 00:37:04,770
I'm not surprised you did something
so positive and upbeat.
671
00:37:04,770 --> 00:37:07,460
Because, you know, there's
still hope in your life.
672
00:37:07,460 --> 00:37:10,930
I'm going to put Hugh Dennis
next. Fourth place.
673
00:37:10,930 --> 00:37:13,970
Joe in third, because my instinct is,
he is a generous person,
674
00:37:13,970 --> 00:37:16,370
so the fact that he would buy
me a lovely yurt holiday
675
00:37:16,370 --> 00:37:17,710
- doesn't surprise me that much.
- OK.
676
00:37:17,710 --> 00:37:21,220
It doesn't surprise me at all that
Noel would attempt to marry a duck.
677
00:37:21,220 --> 00:37:24,280
The fact that he has actually
married a duck does surprise me.
678
00:37:24,280 --> 00:37:25,420
Second place.
679
00:37:25,420 --> 00:37:29,000
But there is nothing more
surprising I've seen this series
680
00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:31,630
than that poor baffled man's face.
681
00:37:32,770 --> 00:37:37,150
So Mel must take top honours
on this occasion.
682
00:37:39,220 --> 00:37:41,320
Little Morello. So sweet.
683
00:37:42,040 --> 00:37:43,620
- So, do you want to see the scoreboard?
- Yes, please.
684
00:37:43,620 --> 00:37:46,370
OK, Noel is in the lead with
19 points at the moment.
685
00:37:52,300 --> 00:37:53,970
Right, the end is in sight.
686
00:37:53,970 --> 00:37:58,250
Please make your way to the stage
for the final task of the series!
687
00:38:06,330 --> 00:38:10,060
Very artistic. OK, Lolly, would you
read out the task, please?
688
00:38:10,060 --> 00:38:11,920
- Hello, Lolly.
- Hello, Alex.
689
00:38:12,660 --> 00:38:14,910
"Draw the median duck."
690
00:38:14,910 --> 00:38:17,530
"The median duck alone wins."
691
00:38:17,530 --> 00:38:19,080
"You have 100 seconds."
692
00:38:19,080 --> 00:38:23,150
"There will also be a bonus
point for best duck picture."
693
00:38:23,150 --> 00:38:24,510
Did you say "medium"?
694
00:38:24,510 --> 00:38:26,480
- Median.
- Median. Average.
695
00:38:26,480 --> 00:38:31,260
Your aim is to draw the third biggest
duck, 'cause that's the median--
696
00:38:31,260 --> 00:38:34,280
I don't know what fucking size
everyone else is gonna draw!
697
00:38:35,950 --> 00:38:37,750
- Sort of the point of the game.
- OK.
698
00:38:41,860 --> 00:38:43,600
OK, thanks.
699
00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:45,130
Hundred seconds starting...
700
00:38:45,130 --> 00:38:46,230
then.
701
00:38:52,040 --> 00:38:54,500
That's lovely. That is lovely. Very nice.
702
00:38:56,280 --> 00:38:58,970
Oh, lovely shading.
Lovely hatching.
703
00:38:58,970 --> 00:39:00,370
Lovely hatching.
704
00:39:00,370 --> 00:39:02,080
It's a lovely duck.
705
00:39:02,080 --> 00:39:04,450
He's an artist. He's an artist.
706
00:39:06,460 --> 00:39:11,430
Five, four, three, two, one...
707
00:39:18,460 --> 00:39:20,330
OK. OK, ladies and gentlemen.
708
00:39:20,330 --> 00:39:22,060
Which duck would you like to see?
709
00:39:22,060 --> 00:39:23,910
Duck one!
710
00:39:23,910 --> 00:39:24,910
- Is that me?
- Yeah.
711
00:39:24,910 --> 00:39:27,610
Remember, ducks aren't
really yellow.
712
00:39:33,020 --> 00:39:34,120
Big old duck.
713
00:39:36,170 --> 00:39:39,910
And they don't always
look like ducks.
714
00:39:41,910 --> 00:39:43,330
Which duck would you like to see?
715
00:39:43,330 --> 00:39:44,840
Duck two!
716
00:39:44,840 --> 00:39:46,385
That's you, Joe. Duck two.
717
00:39:46,385 --> 00:39:50,910
- You asked to see the median duck.
- Mm-hm.
718
00:39:50,910 --> 00:39:54,360
So I did the median duck.
719
00:39:55,800 --> 00:39:59,965
That says, and I have drawn,
the median duck.
720
00:39:59,965 --> 00:40:01,950
Or have you written it?
721
00:40:03,080 --> 00:40:04,570
I have drawn it.
722
00:40:07,080 --> 00:40:08,180
Please.
723
00:40:10,150 --> 00:40:12,820
I have thought about the task.
724
00:40:12,820 --> 00:40:14,360
And I have written...
725
00:40:14,360 --> 00:40:15,550
Drawn!
726
00:40:22,300 --> 00:40:23,820
Which duck do you want to see now?
727
00:40:23,820 --> 00:40:25,310
Duck three!
728
00:40:25,310 --> 00:40:27,220
That's you, Lolly.
Show us your duck.
729
00:40:27,220 --> 00:40:29,510
I have drawn a small duck.
730
00:40:29,510 --> 00:40:32,440
And I've also written, "This has
been a wonderful experience
731
00:40:32,440 --> 00:40:35,330
and I will remember it until the
day I die. Lolly Adefope."
732
00:40:35,330 --> 00:40:37,110
- Aww.
- Awww.
733
00:40:40,730 --> 00:40:44,400
Which almost lets you off
having not drawn a duck.
734
00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:46,550
- It's a duck!
- You've drawn a multicoloured kidney.
735
00:40:46,550 --> 00:40:49,620
There was no yellow!
736
00:40:52,770 --> 00:40:54,800
OK, which duck would
you like to see?
737
00:40:54,800 --> 00:40:56,240
Duck four!
738
00:40:56,240 --> 00:40:58,200
- That's you, Mel.
- Here we go.
739
00:40:58,200 --> 00:41:00,220
Ooh, nice duck.
740
00:41:00,220 --> 00:41:02,570
Lovely duck.
741
00:41:02,570 --> 00:41:05,240
Little thing I just want to point out...
742
00:41:05,240 --> 00:41:07,950
Considering the company we're in...
743
00:41:07,950 --> 00:41:12,000
I put "co-median duck".
744
00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:14,860
That went down well.
745
00:41:14,860 --> 00:41:16,755
No, they asked for
the median duck.
746
00:41:16,755 --> 00:41:19,640
I might just quickly measure
Hugh and Mel's duck,
747
00:41:19,640 --> 00:41:21,510
if that's alright, just to
make sure this works.
748
00:41:21,510 --> 00:41:22,330
Yeah.
749
00:41:22,330 --> 00:41:24,910
- So, a 21-inch duck.
- Yeah.
750
00:41:24,910 --> 00:41:28,530
Compared to a, from
bill to tail, 13-inch.
751
00:41:28,530 --> 00:41:29,460
13-inch duck.
752
00:41:29,460 --> 00:41:32,970
So we're looking for something
between 13 inches and 6 inches.
753
00:41:32,970 --> 00:41:35,240
Which duck would you like to see?
754
00:41:35,240 --> 00:41:37,210
Duck five!
755
00:41:40,330 --> 00:41:41,420
Oh, it's a lovely duck.
756
00:41:41,420 --> 00:41:43,370
- It is lovely.
- It's a guffing duck.
757
00:41:45,130 --> 00:41:49,140
If it's bigger than 13,
then Mel has won the task.
758
00:41:50,330 --> 00:41:53,250
It's 13 and a half inches,
which means...
759
00:41:53,250 --> 00:41:55,570
- Mel has drawn the median duck!
- Mel is the median duck!
760
00:42:00,510 --> 00:42:01,900
YES!
761
00:42:03,150 --> 00:42:04,680
YES!
762
00:42:04,680 --> 00:42:06,620
Do you want to give a bonus
point for best duck?
763
00:42:06,620 --> 00:42:08,040
Noel gets the bonus point.
764
00:42:08,040 --> 00:42:09,720
OK, there we go. Noel gets
the bonus point.
765
00:42:12,350 --> 00:42:14,560
Will you please join us to find out
766
00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:17,140
what that has done to the final scores?
767
00:42:22,080 --> 00:42:24,930
So, Mel's duck was extremely average,
768
00:42:24,930 --> 00:42:27,080
which won her the task, but...
769
00:42:27,080 --> 00:42:29,330
does it mean she's won the episode?
770
00:42:29,330 --> 00:42:31,730
It might do. I've totted up the scores...
771
00:42:31,730 --> 00:42:34,310
and the scoreboard looks like this.
772
00:42:36,170 --> 00:42:38,660
- She snuck into the front!
- She's smashed it!
773
00:42:42,660 --> 00:42:44,660
Mel is the winner of tonight's show.
774
00:42:44,660 --> 00:42:47,080
Please go and claim your cash!
775
00:42:51,400 --> 00:42:53,640
Let's hear it one
more time for Mel!
776
00:43:09,770 --> 00:43:11,420
Right, here we go.
777
00:43:11,420 --> 00:43:12,820
It's crunch time.
778
00:43:12,820 --> 00:43:15,820
After eight episodes, 45 tasks,
and let's not forget,
779
00:43:15,820 --> 00:43:18,730
those 48 links in and out
of commercial breaks,
780
00:43:18,730 --> 00:43:24,530
it's finally time to palm this ludicrous
trophy off on the overall winner.
781
00:43:24,530 --> 00:43:26,330
Oooo!
782
00:43:26,330 --> 00:43:29,310
But... who will be joining
the ranks of such
783
00:43:29,310 --> 00:43:32,560
esteemed Taskmaster royalty
as past champions
784
00:43:32,560 --> 00:43:36,575
Josh Widdicombe, Katherine
Ryan, Rob Beckett?
785
00:43:36,575 --> 00:43:37,750
- Alex?
- Mm-hm?
786
00:43:37,750 --> 00:43:38,680
It's over to you...
787
00:43:38,680 --> 00:43:41,470
to reveal the ultimate scores!
788
00:43:42,420 --> 00:43:43,530
Thanks, Greg. So, I've...
789
00:43:45,350 --> 00:43:47,810
I've done some maths,
and we can reveal,
790
00:43:47,810 --> 00:43:51,060
with 144 points, the winner
of the series is...
791
00:43:51,060 --> 00:43:54,460
Mr Noooel Fielding!
792
00:44:01,730 --> 00:44:03,280
Congratulations.
793
00:44:13,440 --> 00:44:15,095
Well done, everybody.
794
00:44:15,095 --> 00:44:17,880
Thank you to all of our contestants,
795
00:44:17,880 --> 00:44:21,020
but especially to our phenomenal
victor, Mr Noel Fielding.
796
00:44:21,020 --> 00:44:22,150
Thank you for watching, everyone.
797
00:44:22,150 --> 00:44:23,940
See you next time. Good night!