1 00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:34,359 Hello, I am Greg Davies. 2 00:00:34,360 --> 00:00:36,959 This is Taskmaster and I am the Taskmaster. 3 00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:40,159 For many years now, I've been getting other comedians to do things for me. 4 00:00:40,160 --> 00:00:42,839 Things like cleaning and cooking and decorating my flat. 5 00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:45,479 Now, for the first time, we've filmed them doing it. 6 00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:46,849 Over the past few months, 7 00:00:46,850 --> 00:00:50,719 I have set a series of challenging tasks to five challenged comedians. 8 00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:53,959 They have no idea how each other did, but they will soon find out. 9 00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:56,759 I am in charge and they need to remember that. 10 00:00:56,760 --> 00:00:58,239 Let's meet them now. 11 00:00:58,240 --> 00:01:01,559 First up, a man who is technically not yet a pensioner. 12 00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:03,879 The legend that is Frank Skinner! 13 00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:12,559 Next, a man who still gets ID'd when he buys vodka and knives. 14 00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:14,279 It's Josh Widdicombe. 15 00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:20,439 Once, when she was drunk, she offered me a pasta meal 16 00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:23,199 which she was going to put every conceivable meat into. 17 00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:24,839 It's Roisin Conaty. 18 00:01:28,840 --> 00:01:31,559 He's a father, a son, and a very angry man. 19 00:01:31,560 --> 00:01:33,039 Romesh Ranganathan. 20 00:01:37,120 --> 00:01:41,199 Finally, a man who's sort of quite handsome, but also sort of not. 21 00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:42,719 It's Tim Key! 22 00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:51,799 As always, I'm both aided and comforted by my personal assistant, Alex Horne. 23 00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:52,720 - Alex? - Yes? 24 00:01:52,721 --> 00:01:54,119 W-what...? 25 00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:55,759 Do you want some banter, or straight in with the show? 26 00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:57,359 Er, one of each? 27 00:01:57,360 --> 00:01:59,879 Um, I feel... 28 00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:02,479 I feel like I've learned so much from you. 29 00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:04,279 OK, so, the show... 30 00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:08,039 The first task, as always, is the prize task. 31 00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:10,029 Each of the contestants has brought in 32 00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:12,559 one of their own possessions for the prize haul. 33 00:02:12,560 --> 00:02:14,959 One of them will be awarded points by you, Greg. 34 00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:18,079 The one whose prize impresses you the most. 35 00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:19,000 Does that make sense? 36 00:02:19,001 --> 00:02:20,100 Sort of. 37 00:02:20,920 --> 00:02:22,679 This is their own stuff. 38 00:02:22,680 --> 00:02:25,679 The winner's gonna take it all home, so it makes it genuinely tense, 39 00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:28,359 doesn't it, everyone? 40 00:02:28,360 --> 00:02:31,919 Good. And this time, you've asked them to bring in their most beautiful item. 41 00:02:31,920 --> 00:02:34,399 Mr Skinner, what have you brought in that's beautiful? 42 00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:39,359 I've brought in a country mouse themed vacuum cleaner cover. 43 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:43,799 Oh, my God. 44 00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:45,239 You genuinely bought this? 45 00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:49,439 I was blown away by it, as they say in the vacuum world. 46 00:02:49,440 --> 00:02:51,639 Sucked. Surely sucked. 47 00:02:51,640 --> 00:02:54,580 - Er, well. No, look at her. - What? 48 00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:57,540 It looks like a very coy badger. 49 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:02,580 Looks like a badger that's sniffing its tits, doesn't it? 50 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:05,959 Josh, what have you brought in for us that's beautiful? 51 00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:07,799 A specially commissioned piece of art. 52 00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:08,400 No way. 53 00:03:08,401 --> 00:03:12,620 Yep. I have a Magic Eye... of Greg Davies. 54 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:17,109 If you stare deep enough, you'll see Greg Davies, 55 00:03:17,110 --> 00:03:19,020 as naked as the day he was born. 56 00:03:20,360 --> 00:03:22,260 I can see it and it's beautiful. 57 00:03:23,160 --> 00:03:26,119 OK, Josh. I'm going to accept it's a picture of me. It's a lovely offering. 58 00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:28,279 Roisin, what beautiful item have you brought us? 59 00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:32,399 I've brought a cardigan that is the most beautiful thing I've ever owned, 60 00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:35,419 and I get more compliments for it than anything. 61 00:03:35,420 --> 00:03:38,079 Isn't it incredible? Right? 62 00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:40,639 I've been stopped in the street more for wearing this cardigan 63 00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:42,480 than for anything I've ever done on television. 64 00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:46,879 I think you should take that less as a compliment on your cardigan-- 65 00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:47,980 Shut up! 66 00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:50,569 Anyone who saw you in that is gonna go, 67 00:03:50,570 --> 00:03:52,759 "Well, I'm gonna talk to this crazy harlequin!" 68 00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:54,119 Is that a nice cardigan? 69 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:57,820 Yes, those 12 women agree with you. 70 00:03:58,840 --> 00:04:00,799 Who thinks it's an awful cardigan? 71 00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:06,199 It's a brilliant cardigan if you need to hide in a church. 72 00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:13,879 Romesh, what beautiful item have you brought us? 73 00:04:13,880 --> 00:04:17,359 When my wife gave birth to our first son... 74 00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:21,519 Ohh, that is such a lovely story. Go on. 75 00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:23,759 Well, it doesn't have a happy ending, 76 00:04:23,760 --> 00:04:25,720 unfortunately, 'cause he is a shithead now, but... 77 00:04:28,640 --> 00:04:32,399 My mother-in-law bought us a little statuette 78 00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:36,359 to symbolise the love between mother and child, 79 00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:38,319 and that is what I've brought. 80 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:40,660 My wife... doesn't look like that. 81 00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:44,799 - She hasn't got a perfect sphere for a head? - No, no, no. 82 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:46,519 It's a beautiful little piece, 83 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:48,639 and also symbolic of maternal love, 84 00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:50,399 and that's why I've brought it this evening. 85 00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:52,599 You are not this person at all. 86 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:56,079 Listen, I'm just showing another side of myself, alright? 87 00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:57,479 I don't wanna be persecuted for that. 88 00:04:57,480 --> 00:04:59,719 Well, I don't want to ruin the birth of any of your children, 89 00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:01,319 but it's a horrible piece of tat, innit? 90 00:05:08,280 --> 00:05:09,539 Tim, what have you brought in? 91 00:05:09,540 --> 00:05:11,540 I can tell you now, you're not gonna be last. 92 00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:14,580 Are you shitting me right now? 93 00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:19,159 I've bought a flight to Cologne 94 00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:21,740 to visit the cathedral. 95 00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:24,279 Oh, my God. That is genuinely... 96 00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:27,119 - Why is it in Romesh's name? - Why's it got my name on it? 97 00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:30,559 I went to Cologne about four years ago and witnessed the cathedral 98 00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:32,439 and it is the most beautiful thing I've seen. 99 00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:35,759 So I've just booked a flight, currently for Romesh. 100 00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:39,119 It's a day trip. It leaves at 7:00 from Luton Airport. 101 00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:41,959 - That's perfect, 'cause you get a full day there. - Yeah, you get a full day there. 102 00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:43,799 Actually, I do live nearer Gatwick, though. 103 00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:47,919 Oh, sorry. Sorry, Romesh. 104 00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:50,159 - I'd like to win it. - What happens if Roisin does win? 105 00:05:50,160 --> 00:05:51,420 Oh, she'll go to Cologne. 106 00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:54,700 So she'll have to disguise herself as Romesh? 107 00:05:55,760 --> 00:06:00,039 Easy, mate. I'll just rant everywhere. 108 00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:02,679 That's not the biggest difference, by the way. 109 00:06:08,560 --> 00:06:10,919 No, I've got the type of ticket where you can change the name, 110 00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:12,999 but I had to book it in someone's name initially. 111 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:15,439 It looks weird if you book a ticket just saying, 112 00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:17,620 "Who's going? I dunno." 113 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:20,319 "Save a seat!" 114 00:06:20,320 --> 00:06:22,079 "See who wins this quiz I'm in!" 115 00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:24,639 OK, I'll make some judgments, shall I? 116 00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:26,119 Do you wanna do fifth place? 117 00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:28,039 - It feels like you've made that decision. - Do I need to? 118 00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:30,259 - No, fine, I've got that. - OK. 119 00:06:30,260 --> 00:06:33,799 Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's fifth? 120 00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:35,079 What's fifth? What's fifth? 121 00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:37,640 Well, you'll find out in a minute. I'm gonna read the others out. 122 00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:40,639 It's second place, it's gonna be Josh, 123 00:06:40,640 --> 00:06:42,719 because I'm taking him on his word that it's a picture of me. 124 00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:45,039 If it's not, he'll answer to me after the show. 125 00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:48,599 I'm gonna give the tit-sniffing badger cover third place. 126 00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:51,199 Obviously, Roisin's awful cardigan comes in fourth, 127 00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:53,799 and the vile ornament, fifth. Simple. 128 00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:55,479 Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the first round, 129 00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:59,239 Mr Tim Key! Deservedly so, I think. 130 00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:07,439 All of the beautiful prizes are up there, looking beautiful. 131 00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:08,839 You can have a look at them now, if you like, 132 00:07:08,840 --> 00:07:11,239 just to whet your appetite and really get you worked up. 133 00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:14,439 After the task today, the winner will stagger up to collect their winnings 134 00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:17,239 and the others will be very, very sad. Good stuff. 135 00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:19,439 Let's start the show proper. What's the first task? 136 00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:20,839 OK, the first task is... 137 00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:21,919 Well, let's see. Shall we see it? 138 00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:23,260 - Yeah. - OK. 139 00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:41,620 A block of ice... 140 00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:43,460 Ice? 141 00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:49,399 "Make this ice block disappear as fast as possible." 142 00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:51,639 "You have one hour. Your time starts now." 143 00:07:51,640 --> 00:07:53,319 Kettle. On. 144 00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:56,119 Hot water is surely the best way. 145 00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:57,479 There's no fire, is there? 146 00:07:57,480 --> 00:07:58,679 What's "disappeared"? 147 00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:01,039 It's when things-- When you can't see them any more. 148 00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:03,519 - Do you want it melted? - It's up to you, Tim. 149 00:08:03,520 --> 00:08:06,804 Obviously, you know, this is a temperature-raising exercise. 150 00:08:06,805 --> 00:08:08,759 Picked that up straight away. 151 00:08:08,760 --> 00:08:10,799 Pretty straightforward. You all have to make it disappear. 152 00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:12,279 You feeling confident, Frank? 153 00:08:12,280 --> 00:08:15,879 I've already thought of three mistakes I made. 154 00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:20,799 The tie? 155 00:08:28,140 --> 00:08:30,759 - Who shall we see first? - Shall we look at Frank and Josh? 156 00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:33,639 Why don't we? Why don't we clump them together. 157 00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:35,639 I think melting is good... 158 00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:39,599 I ought to stop, though, 'cause my instinct is just to go for it, 159 00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:42,989 and I feel that cleverer people think, 160 00:08:42,990 --> 00:08:46,220 "Ooh, I know a good thing to do..." 161 00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:52,059 There's a bath in there. 162 00:08:52,060 --> 00:08:55,359 I'm gonna put it in the bath and deal with it in there, 163 00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:57,020 with water and heat. 164 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:02,399 This is actually quite difficult, innit? 165 00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:03,639 It's quite slippy. 166 00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:05,399 - Could you help? - Yeah. 167 00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:07,679 - Are you able to get that end of it? - Yep. 168 00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:10,439 We'd probably better not put it in too heavily. 169 00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:12,620 I'm assuming there's hot water. 170 00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:19,199 I'm just going to basically operate a... 171 00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:23,060 "Get as much hot water on it as possible" manoeuvre. 172 00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:31,180 It does fly. 173 00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:34,099 I'm gonna try this in the oven. 174 00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:42,660 Just gonna put this in the sink. 175 00:09:43,560 --> 00:09:44,660 Erm... 176 00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:52,060 I've got boiling water in a wok coming through. 177 00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:56,419 Oven's a bit disappointing. 178 00:09:56,420 --> 00:09:58,279 Need to smash this up a bit more... 179 00:09:58,280 --> 00:09:59,820 Leave that in there, simmering. 180 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:12,199 Right, so that bit's going. Gone. 181 00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:13,580 Just this bit here... 182 00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:15,580 and then we're done. 183 00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:19,239 Gone, done! Stop the clock. 184 00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:20,660 OK. 185 00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:27,340 I've never done ice in the oven before. 186 00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:32,359 If I'd have bet on it, I'd have thought that would go really quickly. 187 00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:33,820 Hot, isn't it? You'd think. 188 00:10:34,680 --> 00:10:36,359 - Look. - Oooh. 189 00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:38,079 Look at that, just that last bit. 190 00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:40,919 That's really close now. Really close. 191 00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:44,619 - I think... Has it gone? - I can still see it. 192 00:10:44,620 --> 00:10:46,919 Can you still see it? 193 00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:49,079 - No. - I can't see it now. 194 00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:51,599 - Thank you, Frank. - Thanks very much. 195 00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:54,439 D'you want a drink? Water? 196 00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:56,460 I'm just gonna drink straight out the oven. 197 00:10:57,520 --> 00:10:59,620 Very similar. 198 00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:02,639 If you look at it in isolation, 199 00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:05,359 it looks like a documentary of two men having a breakdown. 200 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:09,639 It wasn't far off. 201 00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:13,199 Seventeen minutes and four seconds melting the block. 202 00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:15,359 Frank, 27 minutes and 28 seconds. 203 00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:16,759 - Still under half an hour. - Really? 204 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:18,139 How was Josh better than Frank? 205 00:11:18,140 --> 00:11:19,519 - It looked like Frank was-- - He melted it quicker. 206 00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:20,520 Ahhh! 207 00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:24,879 - That's how this works! - Yeah, yeah. 208 00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:27,079 OK, who are we seeing next? 209 00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:28,479 Very impressive start, I thought. 210 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:31,959 Yeah. Let's have a look at Roisin. Why not? 211 00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:35,279 Alex, will you help me carry this block of ice? 212 00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:37,859 You hold this and I'll try and tip it in. 213 00:11:37,860 --> 00:11:39,420 Sure. I'm ready. 214 00:11:42,880 --> 00:11:44,760 Am I over it? 215 00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:49,239 - Brilliant idea! Brilliant. - Lovely. That's getting it. It's working. 216 00:11:49,240 --> 00:11:51,879 Is it? Oh, my God. 217 00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:56,639 Am I doing this completely wrong? 218 00:11:56,640 --> 00:11:58,620 Can you just hold that for one second, Alex? 219 00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:00,799 Got it? 220 00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:01,900 Uh-huh. 221 00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:08,999 Very similar. 222 00:12:11,740 --> 00:12:15,059 I imagine this is what it was like on the set of Frozen. 223 00:12:15,060 --> 00:12:18,039 Alex? Could you put the kettle on for me, please, Alex. 224 00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:21,860 Can you also take this pot in and boil me up a pot of water, please? 225 00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:26,719 Basically, pressing the hose directly on it... 226 00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:27,919 Hold on, I've got a hair in my mouth. 227 00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:30,420 Alex, can you come and take the hair out of my mouth, please? 228 00:12:32,520 --> 00:12:34,839 Will you take hose and... thing. 229 00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:37,879 Put that down, you've got to keep this one directly on it. 230 00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:40,519 - Look at it! - Oh, that's lovely. 231 00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:42,399 Maybe I've discovered a new skill. 232 00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:44,399 Ice sculpture. 233 00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:46,099 I like to call this one "Hope". 234 00:12:46,100 --> 00:12:49,359 I think we're done, guys. Can't see any more ice. 235 00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:51,300 Congratulations, I've stopped the clock. 236 00:12:56,060 --> 00:12:59,719 First things first. You know Frozen is a cartoon, right? 237 00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:03,439 Yes. 238 00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:06,799 Just checking in. I thought it was one of your strongest performances to date. 239 00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:08,439 We were a good team, weren't we? 240 00:13:08,440 --> 00:13:11,479 We were, thanks Alex. Thanks, guys. 241 00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:16,119 I dunno how much... How fair it is to be using Alex to that extent. 242 00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:20,079 - He is your PA. - He is my PA. 243 00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:22,159 He only helped me a little bit, he didn't help with the-- 244 00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:24,879 Only helped you a little bit? He took the hair out of your mouth! 245 00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:26,239 Down an octave. 246 00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:29,879 It's really great bringing the water to the ice. 247 00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:31,119 No one else thought to do that. 248 00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:33,179 She never broke the ice at all. 249 00:13:33,180 --> 00:13:35,439 It was beautiful, but it was slow. 250 00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:37,799 - What was the time, then? - It was just over half an hour, 251 00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:39,759 - 30 minutes and 20 seconds. - Awww. 252 00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:43,159 Ohhh, shame, because it was otherwise... 253 00:13:43,160 --> 00:13:45,439 uncharacteristically competent. 254 00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:50,559 Alex, before we go into the break, could you answer me a question? 255 00:13:50,560 --> 00:13:51,050 Mm-hm. 256 00:13:51,051 --> 00:13:53,679 How many baked beans do you think there are in a can? 257 00:13:53,680 --> 00:13:55,119 - In a can of baked beans? - Yes. 258 00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:57,039 There is no way of knowing that sort of thing. 259 00:13:57,040 --> 00:13:59,319 There is if you're the Taskmaster. 260 00:13:59,320 --> 00:14:00,759 See you after the break. 261 00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:05,079 "Count the beans in the baked bean tin." 262 00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:06,460 "Your time starts now." 263 00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:14,380 Four... five... 264 00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:27,719 Three... that's four... 97... 265 00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:28,959 Four hundred and one. 266 00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:31,719 There are 406 beans in a baked bean tin. 267 00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:33,229 Welcome back to Taskmaster. 268 00:14:33,230 --> 00:14:35,300 Thanks for that, Josh. Much appreciated. 269 00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:38,159 Did no one else do that? 270 00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:39,199 No. 271 00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:41,859 Are you kidding? 272 00:14:41,860 --> 00:14:43,279 What?! 273 00:14:43,280 --> 00:14:44,999 - On with the show. - No! 274 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:46,519 What the matter, mate? 275 00:14:46,520 --> 00:14:48,060 Are you joking? 276 00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:51,079 You looked like you were having a lovely time. 277 00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:53,599 We're not getting any points for that? 278 00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:54,700 That's correct. 279 00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:58,959 We're getting closer to finding out who's going home with 280 00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:02,679 Frank Skinner's vacuum cleaner cover. Alex, who's next? 281 00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:04,940 Up to you. Well, it's up to me. Tim. 282 00:15:05,680 --> 00:15:06,839 Tim Key. 283 00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:09,359 - Can I throw it in the river? - Is it dumping? 284 00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:12,860 I don't think it's dumping because it's a bit like water, isn't it? 285 00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:52,199 I've not stopped the clock yet. 286 00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:54,819 - Why? - Not disappeared. 287 00:15:54,820 --> 00:15:57,639 - What? - It's not disappeared. 288 00:15:57,640 --> 00:15:59,109 When are you stopping the clock? 289 00:15:59,110 --> 00:16:00,239 When it's disappeared. 290 00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:03,639 - That's... What? - I can still see it! 291 00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:05,239 That's gone. 292 00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:06,959 Still see it. 293 00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:09,119 - I can't see it. - I can see it. 294 00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:11,479 - Stop the clock! - But I can still see it. 295 00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:12,639 What are you talking about? 296 00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:14,319 It's just there. It's just bobbing down the river. 297 00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:16,839 It's all mixed-- It's part of the river! 298 00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:18,439 So it's not disappeared? 299 00:16:18,440 --> 00:16:19,599 It has! 300 00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:20,520 But I can see it! 301 00:16:20,520 --> 00:16:21,360 Where? 302 00:16:21,361 --> 00:16:23,559 Just over there. I'll just go have a little look. 303 00:16:23,560 --> 00:16:26,359 Go and have a look as much as you like, mate. Stop the clock, though. 304 00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:29,079 - I can see it. - It's gone, mate! 305 00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:30,599 That's gone now! 306 00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:31,839 Just seeing if I can see it. 307 00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:33,839 Yeah, it's gone, I think! 308 00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:35,399 I think stop the clock! 309 00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:38,359 - Horne. It's gone! - It's disappeared. 310 00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:43,839 What time did you give Tim? 311 00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:48,079 - Well, I couldn't see the ice... - Once it's in the river, it's gone, mate. 312 00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:49,489 No, no. It hasn't. 313 00:16:49,490 --> 00:16:51,799 I gave him a time of 13 minutes and 40 seconds. 314 00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:53,319 That's when I could not see the ice any more. 315 00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:54,320 That's really fast. 316 00:16:54,321 --> 00:16:56,759 You couldn't see it, but does that mean it's disappeared? 317 00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:59,319 I think the fish could see it, though. 318 00:16:59,320 --> 00:17:01,519 - It's still there, it's... - Get a fish in here, then. 319 00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:06,759 I mean, realistically, that's gonna be still visible for ages in that water. 320 00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:07,730 Oh, shut up... 321 00:17:07,731 --> 00:17:10,039 Did you follow it down the river? 322 00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:12,639 We didn't, but I imagine there's someone further down the river 323 00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:14,159 to whom that has just appeared. 324 00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:16,759 So, it didn't disappear. 325 00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:18,719 Roisin's changed its form from ice to water. 326 00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:20,919 Yours was still ice, and probably was for at least an hour, I would argue. 327 00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:22,369 Yeah, but I've changed it sort of... 328 00:17:22,370 --> 00:17:24,079 I've changed... I've done something to it. 329 00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:25,080 No, you haven't. 330 00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:29,399 I gave it 13 minutes 40, 'cause to me it disappeared, 331 00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:30,280 but it's up to you. 332 00:17:30,281 --> 00:17:31,959 - It had gone, it had gone. - It still exists. 333 00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:34,639 Your definition of something disappearing is "Alex can't see it". 334 00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:36,199 Oh, do you wanna see my hand disappearing? 335 00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:38,199 - Oooh! - It's gone. It's gone. 336 00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:40,759 - I've only got one hand now, thanks. - Oh no, it's still there. 337 00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:42,340 Are you a fucking child? 338 00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:45,519 Sadly for you, I am a child 339 00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:47,559 who's in charge of this fucking show. 340 00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:55,119 I haven't seen Romesh's attempt. I imagine it's subtle? 341 00:17:55,120 --> 00:17:58,140 No? No, no. 342 00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:13,259 Cooking up a little bit of ice there. 343 00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:15,580 Now I'm gonna try and smash the shit out the rest of it. 344 00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:17,979 Yeah, baby. 345 00:18:17,980 --> 00:18:19,460 Haha! 346 00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:25,700 I gotta be honest with you, I feel pretty damn good. 347 00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:31,759 Literally smashing this. 348 00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:33,399 D'you get it? I'm done. 349 00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:34,559 All over the shop. 350 00:18:39,260 --> 00:18:42,159 Are you under the impression that you made it disappear? 351 00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:46,900 I mean, that footage looks bad, I-I- 352 00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:50,119 Well, Romesh is right. It looked bad and it was bad. 353 00:18:50,120 --> 00:18:53,479 It was 47 minutes and 30 seconds, 354 00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:56,099 and it hasn't gone. It has not disappeared. 355 00:18:56,100 --> 00:18:58,719 I really thought I'd done well on the day, I... 356 00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:00,159 You really hadn't. 357 00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:02,599 So the times are pretty clear. Romesh was the slowest. 358 00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:04,119 - OK. - Then Roisin, Frank, and Josh. 359 00:19:04,120 --> 00:19:05,839 And then it's up to you what you do with Tim Key. 360 00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:07,679 I can't give it to Key. He didn't make it disappear. 361 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:10,441 - I thought he made it disappear. - It went into a river, mate. 362 00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:12,639 So, Key last. 363 00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:13,959 Oh, no, come on! 364 00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:17,279 What I did was an inventive way of getting rid of this damn ice. 365 00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:22,279 Key's last. I'm making a judgment. 366 00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:23,579 Romesh next, and then the other three, 367 00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:25,239 it's all about the time as far as I'm concerned. 368 00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:27,009 Yeah, so Josh Widdicombe is the winner of this task. 369 00:19:27,010 --> 00:19:29,050 Josh Widdicombe is the winner, ladies and gentlemen. 370 00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:35,439 So, Josh is one step closer to taking home the beautiful cardigan, which-- 371 00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:40,079 Perhaps he'll wear on a flight to Cologne. 372 00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:42,279 - Meanwhile, Alex? - Mm-hm? 373 00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:45,879 Before we go into the break, there's something really on my mind. 374 00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:49,159 How many spaghetti hoops are there in a can of spaghetti hoops? 375 00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:50,999 There's... 376 00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:52,899 There's no way of knowing that sort of thing. 377 00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:54,580 There's no way that anyone would know that. 378 00:19:56,120 --> 00:19:58,239 There must be a way of finding out. 379 00:19:58,240 --> 00:19:59,780 See you after the break. 380 00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:03,679 "Count the hoops in this tin of spaghetti hoops." 381 00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:05,780 You've done the... Come on! 382 00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:21,479 31, 32, 33... Four thirty-three. 383 00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:23,479 I'm nothing if not thorough. 384 00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:27,159 Welcome back to Taskmaster. 385 00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:28,980 Thanks, Josh. Much appreciated. 386 00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:34,999 How, in the first episode where I'm actually winning, 387 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:36,980 do I feel the saddest I've ever felt? 388 00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:41,079 Maybe you should be thinking that the glass is half full 389 00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:43,220 and that you're one of my special little boys. 390 00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:46,279 Who's on top at the moment? 391 00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:48,399 Well, Josh, thankfully is in the lead. 392 00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:50,919 He's on nine points, and as you can see there, Romesh... 393 00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:57,159 Romesh is in the last place. 394 00:20:57,160 --> 00:20:58,319 OK, what's the next task? 395 00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:01,780 The next task involves the best sport: squash. 396 00:21:15,640 --> 00:21:18,100 Two squash rackets. 397 00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:22,399 Hello, Alex. 398 00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:25,879 Wow. Really sinister, guys. 399 00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:27,759 "Get to 11 points as fast as possible." 400 00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:28,980 "Your time starts now." 401 00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:32,199 "Get 11 points as fast as possible." 402 00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:33,239 "Your time starts now." 403 00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:34,799 What does that mean? What the hell does that mean? 404 00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:35,680 How do you play squash? 405 00:21:35,681 --> 00:21:37,159 I don't know how to play squash. 406 00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:39,999 Um... I've never played squash. 407 00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:41,359 Oh, God. 408 00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:46,979 This is the team task, obviously, 409 00:21:46,980 --> 00:21:49,049 and the winning team will get two points each, 410 00:21:49,050 --> 00:21:50,719 and the losing team will get nothing. 411 00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:51,769 Roisin, Josh and Romesh, 412 00:21:51,770 --> 00:21:53,359 can I just ask you a quick question? 413 00:21:53,360 --> 00:21:56,799 Do you now know how you scored points in this exercise? 414 00:21:56,800 --> 00:21:59,679 To be honest with you, my levels of trust were quite low... 415 00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:04,719 before this. And then I was just bullied in a squash court. 416 00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:06,159 OK, so you still haven't worked it out. 417 00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:10,079 Let's see if Frank and Tim worked out how you score points in this exercise. 418 00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:13,079 - Where do these come in? - I don't know. 419 00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:16,039 - What do we have to do? - Get to 11 points as fast as possible. 420 00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:18,679 - At squash, or at anything? - At what? 421 00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:21,039 It's the Taskmaster system, OK? 422 00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:23,399 Get to 11 points... 423 00:22:23,400 --> 00:22:26,479 Hold on a minute! This is pointy. 424 00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:28,629 One, two, three, four, five, six, 425 00:22:28,630 --> 00:22:30,719 seven, eight, nine, ten, 11. 426 00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:31,739 I've done it, haven't I? 427 00:22:31,740 --> 00:22:33,279 Oh, no, you're still on zero. 428 00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:35,340 Oh, so you can see when there's a point! 429 00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:42,420 Eat a cake. Just eat a cake, Frank. 430 00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:48,159 Fucking hard to get a point. 431 00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:49,420 In there... 432 00:22:56,360 --> 00:22:58,199 I wanna do it at least once. 433 00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:00,319 What's that? One! 434 00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:02,239 How did we score a point? 435 00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:04,940 Maybe it's a word? Did you say something? 436 00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:10,340 It's not that, it's not the ball. That's a red herring. 437 00:23:13,240 --> 00:23:14,959 You wanker. 438 00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:17,439 - We've lost points now. - How did we lose two points? 439 00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:21,639 Points. Two points. 440 00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:22,679 Swearing? 441 00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:23,680 Wanker. 442 00:23:23,681 --> 00:23:25,180 Shit in the bucket? 443 00:23:26,840 --> 00:23:28,679 What, both of us? Do we have to... 444 00:23:28,680 --> 00:23:31,060 Both of us. 445 00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:38,100 Every time I can't see you, we score a point... No. 446 00:23:42,080 --> 00:23:45,380 Maybe you just get a point for... slapstick. 447 00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:51,819 I honestly believe we can do this. 448 00:23:51,820 --> 00:23:53,759 Don't think we can. 449 00:23:55,040 --> 00:23:58,300 Pessimism! You lose a point for pessimism. 450 00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:02,679 Everything's gonna be OK. 451 00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:04,580 I feel confi-- 452 00:24:07,245 --> 00:24:09,119 Nodding. 453 00:24:09,120 --> 00:24:12,199 I've worked out how to lose points. 454 00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:13,519 There must be another gesture. 455 00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:15,140 If we touch our heads, say... 456 00:24:19,001 --> 00:24:22,839 - Try touching your head. - Well, don't overdo it. 457 00:24:28,360 --> 00:24:30,159 - Touching our heads? - Yes. 458 00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:31,359 Fucking idiot. 459 00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:41,079 Alex, just so that the youngsters are clear, what is the system? 460 00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:43,719 It's very easy. Normal rules. Touch your head, you get a point. 461 00:24:43,720 --> 00:24:45,679 - Normal rules. - Normal rules. 462 00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:47,119 Shake your head, you lose a point. 463 00:24:47,120 --> 00:24:49,039 And if you disrespect the Taskmaster, 464 00:24:49,040 --> 00:24:50,239 like putting a picture of him in a bucket, 465 00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:51,460 you lose two points. 466 00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:56,919 When I got the tapped head, I can't remember anything in my life 467 00:24:56,920 --> 00:25:00,459 I've been more excited to discover. 468 00:25:00,460 --> 00:25:02,999 - Oh, wasn't it fantastic? - Oh, it was amazing. 469 00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:05,239 Must've been horrible not to work it out at all. 470 00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:08,399 Yeah, it... 471 00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:09,519 I mean, we were trying everything. 472 00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:11,639 At one point, Josh was counting baked beans... 473 00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:16,999 Roisin, Josh and Romesh pretty much tried everything else. 474 00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:19,639 - Do you want to see it now? - Let's see how the youngsters got on. 475 00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:22,279 - How do you play squash? - I don't know how to play squash. 476 00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:24,079 Well, I do. 477 00:25:24,080 --> 00:25:28,119 - But, presumably... One point. - What? 478 00:25:28,120 --> 00:25:29,439 That's gone up to one. 479 00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:31,279 How did that...? You picked up the rackets. 480 00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:32,460 Give me a racket. 481 00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:34,800 No. 482 00:25:34,801 --> 00:25:36,719 I serve, it's got to go in this box. 483 00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:40,679 - Come on, mate! - What the sh...! 484 00:25:40,680 --> 00:25:43,260 Let's just try and retrace our steps, and see if it works. 485 00:25:45,960 --> 00:25:47,399 Whoa! 486 00:25:47,400 --> 00:25:49,879 - I didn't do anything. - Roisin! 487 00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:51,519 - Or was that me? - No. 488 00:25:51,520 --> 00:25:53,659 Is it when we're all facing the same way? 489 00:25:53,660 --> 00:25:55,020 Turn around. 490 00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:58,039 Christ's sake. It's doing my head in already, this. 491 00:25:58,040 --> 00:25:59,439 COME ON! 492 00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:00,999 Put them back. Put the racket back. 493 00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:02,920 Racket! 494 00:26:02,921 --> 00:26:04,089 Them! 495 00:26:04,090 --> 00:26:05,000 Back! 496 00:26:05,001 --> 00:26:07,479 We got two points in that corner somehow. 497 00:26:08,281 --> 00:26:12,500 Corner. Somehow. Points. 498 00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:17,199 Oh no! 499 00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:19,420 Pick that back up. 500 00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:22,480 This is very hard, we're gonna need you-- 501 00:26:22,881 --> 00:26:25,420 Whaaat? Nothing happened there. 502 00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:27,719 Um... 503 00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:31,279 "Um"? Is it pausing? 504 00:26:31,280 --> 00:26:33,980 Double one-handed! 505 00:26:35,761 --> 00:26:37,559 If we haven't got a point for that, then I don't know... 506 00:26:37,560 --> 00:26:38,660 What? 507 00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:41,479 Is it words that we need to say? 508 00:26:41,480 --> 00:26:43,199 Words! 509 00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:46,319 It's questions, isn't it? 510 00:26:49,260 --> 00:26:51,980 What is going on? 511 00:26:54,760 --> 00:26:56,759 That counts! 512 00:26:56,760 --> 00:26:59,239 A point for not having a sodding clue what's going on, is that it? 513 00:26:59,240 --> 00:27:01,199 Utter silence. 514 00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:12,420 - You treat us like animals... - That's what you get! 515 00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:30,559 That's our remake of Lord of the Flies there. 516 00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:33,039 Do you know, the worst thing about that is... 517 00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:36,119 I know what happened, but even watching that, I was just going, 518 00:27:36,120 --> 00:27:39,679 "Touch your head." 519 00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:41,380 "Just touch your head!" 520 00:27:42,520 --> 00:27:44,959 How long did they take to not work out the system? 521 00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:48,679 The kids, the children, they took 11 minutes and 12 seconds. 522 00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:51,359 The grown-ups, 18 minutes and one second. 523 00:27:51,360 --> 00:27:54,799 No way! 524 00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:56,759 Romesh is bogling. 525 00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:03,839 I mean, that is literally monkeys in front of a typewriter, isn't it? 526 00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:06,839 On paper, the team with three achieved the task the fastest 527 00:28:06,840 --> 00:28:09,119 and I'm gonna honour that with two points each. 528 00:28:09,120 --> 00:28:11,319 But I think that the grown-ups... 529 00:28:11,320 --> 00:28:14,679 They worked out the system, so they should get one point each. 530 00:28:18,480 --> 00:28:20,199 What are the scores, please, Alex? 531 00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:22,209 Well, they are all still on single figures, 532 00:28:22,210 --> 00:28:24,529 except for the sort of counting obsessive, 533 00:28:24,530 --> 00:28:27,639 Mr Josh Widdicombe, who is ahead with 11 points. 534 00:28:32,200 --> 00:28:34,540 Lovely. Let's find out what the next task is. 535 00:28:41,600 --> 00:28:43,620 Hey, guys. 536 00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:51,659 "Fill an egg cup with as many tears as possible. You have 20 minutes." 537 00:28:51,660 --> 00:28:54,999 "Fill an..." Oh dear. 538 00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:56,199 Oh well. 539 00:28:56,200 --> 00:28:58,459 Right, let's get my acting out. 540 00:29:00,640 --> 00:29:05,039 Taskmaster gets serious. It's time for you all to get in touch with your emotions. 541 00:29:05,040 --> 00:29:06,799 - Hated it. - I found it really difficult. 542 00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:07,450 Why, mate? 543 00:29:07,451 --> 00:29:10,319 I don't wanna sort of "spoiler alert" my VT, 544 00:29:10,320 --> 00:29:11,999 but I was shit at it. 545 00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:15,939 Who do you think we should see first, Alex? 546 00:29:15,940 --> 00:29:17,780 Let's have a look at Josh, the numbers guy. 547 00:29:21,640 --> 00:29:23,919 Is this how to do it? Is it nose? 548 00:29:23,920 --> 00:29:26,719 It's gotta be the eyes. Certainly feels like it. 549 00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:29,199 Argh! Oww! 550 00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:34,700 Argh! 551 00:29:35,600 --> 00:29:36,999 That's an actual tear there. 552 00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:39,100 I'm really pleased with myself for that. 553 00:29:40,160 --> 00:29:41,479 Oww! 554 00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:42,940 So painful. 555 00:29:45,280 --> 00:29:47,719 Oh... 556 00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:49,500 Oh, look! There... 557 00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:54,220 This is genuine pain. 558 00:29:58,400 --> 00:29:59,980 I mean, there's fuck-all in there. 559 00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:02,380 Ooh! 560 00:30:03,840 --> 00:30:04,999 I think I've dried out. 561 00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:06,999 End with some dignity. 562 00:30:12,640 --> 00:30:15,620 Basically 20 minutes of slamming onions into your face, yeah? 563 00:30:17,120 --> 00:30:20,519 That was so painful. Have you ever rubbed onions on your face? 564 00:30:20,520 --> 00:30:21,860 No. Weird, right? 565 00:30:22,680 --> 00:30:24,369 I've got a little tip. 566 00:30:24,370 --> 00:30:25,559 Don't. 567 00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:27,119 It's really painful. 568 00:30:27,120 --> 00:30:28,359 Really impressive. How many tears? 569 00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:29,962 Well, it was painful but not that successful. 570 00:30:29,963 --> 00:30:31,279 Seven tears in 20 minutes. 571 00:30:31,280 --> 00:30:32,679 That's one tear every three minutes. 572 00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:34,519 How's that not successful? 573 00:30:34,520 --> 00:30:36,519 Well, it's just not very many tears. 574 00:30:36,520 --> 00:30:38,639 Like, numbers-wise, seven's one of the small... 575 00:30:38,640 --> 00:30:39,769 Like, ten and 11... 576 00:30:39,770 --> 00:30:41,599 Yeah, I know about counting, mate! 577 00:30:41,600 --> 00:30:43,999 And that's why I give you my special jobs. 578 00:30:48,960 --> 00:30:50,220 Tim and Roisin. 579 00:30:51,360 --> 00:30:52,919 Can you get The Full Monty up? 580 00:30:52,920 --> 00:30:54,852 When they're in the post office, 581 00:30:54,853 --> 00:30:57,399 and the kid draws out all of his savings to give to... 582 00:30:57,400 --> 00:30:58,940 Robbie Carlyle? 583 00:30:59,960 --> 00:31:01,460 When did I last cry? 584 00:31:02,280 --> 00:31:03,879 I think it was a film... 585 00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:07,199 I watched Steel Magnolias over Christmas. 586 00:31:07,200 --> 00:31:09,140 The bit where Julia Roberts dies. 587 00:31:10,040 --> 00:31:12,679 Would you like to see a little clip of Steel Magnolias? 588 00:31:12,680 --> 00:31:13,759 Yeah. 589 00:31:13,760 --> 00:31:15,299 Funeral scene? 590 00:31:15,300 --> 00:31:17,780 Yeah, with the Sally Field speech. 591 00:31:19,080 --> 00:31:21,359 Can you type in, um... 592 00:31:21,360 --> 00:31:23,300 E.T. audition? 593 00:31:24,280 --> 00:31:26,359 I'm glad we've got a 30-second advert. 594 00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:27,460 Here it is. 595 00:31:31,400 --> 00:31:34,319 It's a great movie, guys. 596 00:31:34,320 --> 00:31:37,679 It's got a really comic out, that's the problem. 597 00:31:37,680 --> 00:31:39,959 - Can you open up another window? - Can you tell me what to type? 598 00:31:39,960 --> 00:31:42,580 - "Powerful art"? - Powerful art. 599 00:31:43,400 --> 00:31:45,759 I'm just hoping to squeeze something out there. 600 00:31:45,760 --> 00:31:48,279 Do you want me to just gently scroll through them? 601 00:31:48,280 --> 00:31:50,039 Um, yeah. 602 00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:52,439 Oh, that's powerful. 603 00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:04,180 I don't know whether that will make me cry. 604 00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:18,599 I think the thing that we're all desperate to see is "powerful art". 605 00:32:18,600 --> 00:32:21,239 We've got the image here. It's powerful... 606 00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:31,439 What emotional impact did a farting bull 607 00:32:31,440 --> 00:32:35,599 smashing a half-human devil into a wall have on you? 608 00:32:35,600 --> 00:32:37,819 Weirdly, confusion. 609 00:32:37,820 --> 00:32:40,079 Didn't start me crying, unfortunately. 610 00:32:40,080 --> 00:32:42,759 Tim also watched E.T., a bit of The Full Monty... 611 00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:44,799 No tears. Not a single tear. 612 00:32:44,800 --> 00:32:45,839 Really? 613 00:32:45,840 --> 00:32:48,699 You wanna pull some nasal hairs out, mate. That'll do it. 614 00:32:48,700 --> 00:32:49,799 Yeah! 615 00:32:51,800 --> 00:32:53,199 How many tears did Roisin get? 616 00:32:53,200 --> 00:32:55,620 The same. Also zero tears. 617 00:32:56,600 --> 00:32:58,430 Are you over Julia Roberts dying now? 618 00:32:58,431 --> 00:32:59,519 Is that what happened? 619 00:32:59,520 --> 00:33:01,199 Sally Field gives a really sad speech, 620 00:33:01,200 --> 00:33:04,319 but then Shirley MacLaine's character comes in and does a real funny bit. 621 00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:06,639 I hadn't cried and it was a really funny out. 622 00:33:06,640 --> 00:33:08,759 So it really brought me back up! 623 00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:11,260 - Do you want to see Romesh next? - Oh, God, yes. 624 00:33:12,560 --> 00:33:13,759 What have you got there? 625 00:33:13,760 --> 00:33:15,519 I've got some hot pepper sauce. 626 00:33:15,520 --> 00:33:18,519 I'm gonna put a little bit on my fingers. 627 00:33:18,520 --> 00:33:20,279 And then I'm gonna rub my eye. 628 00:33:20,280 --> 00:33:22,660 I've rubbed it in enough. That's safe, innit? 629 00:33:26,200 --> 00:33:27,639 Oh, shit! 630 00:33:27,640 --> 00:33:29,300 Fffff... 631 00:33:30,040 --> 00:33:31,359 Fuck! 632 00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:33,100 Oh, fuck me! 633 00:33:40,120 --> 00:33:41,519 That's what I've been waiting for. 634 00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:43,780 That's the money shot, you know what I mean? 635 00:33:48,560 --> 00:33:49,919 What are you doing at the moment? 636 00:33:49,920 --> 00:33:51,023 Holding my eyelids open, 637 00:33:51,024 --> 00:33:52,679 trying to deal with the chilli sauce, 638 00:33:52,680 --> 00:33:54,759 and thinking about the first five minutes of Up. 639 00:33:54,760 --> 00:33:55,760 Oh, shit! 640 00:33:56,920 --> 00:33:59,439 I'm gonna put a bit more chilli sauce... 641 00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:02,600 Fffff... 642 00:34:02,601 --> 00:34:03,940 It's really intense, that. 643 00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:08,879 Oh, shit! 644 00:34:08,880 --> 00:34:10,879 I can't see anything but tears now. 645 00:34:10,880 --> 00:34:13,279 - Good effort. Good effort. - Good work, Rom. 646 00:34:15,680 --> 00:34:18,159 That is the sort of commitment we want on this show. 647 00:34:18,160 --> 00:34:19,559 Straight in with the chilli sauce. 648 00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:21,039 Hard into the eyes. 649 00:34:21,040 --> 00:34:23,119 You King Leared yourself. Lovely work. 650 00:34:23,120 --> 00:34:24,199 Thank you. 651 00:34:24,200 --> 00:34:25,040 How many tears? 652 00:34:25,041 --> 00:34:26,559 Ten. Pretty good. 653 00:34:26,560 --> 00:34:27,799 Ten tears. Ten tears. 654 00:34:30,420 --> 00:34:31,999 Did you enjoy it? 655 00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:33,999 No. No. 656 00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:35,117 It was really horrible, 657 00:34:35,118 --> 00:34:36,479 to the point where I thought, 658 00:34:36,480 --> 00:34:38,839 "This might just be how my life is gonna be now." 659 00:34:38,840 --> 00:34:40,493 Let's have a look how Frank Skinner did. 660 00:34:40,494 --> 00:34:41,280 Ten to beat, right? 661 00:34:41,281 --> 00:34:43,239 Ten to beat. Here is Frank. 662 00:34:43,240 --> 00:34:46,999 "Fill an egg cup with as many tears as possible." 663 00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:49,639 Er, it doesn't have to be my tears, does it? 664 00:34:49,640 --> 00:34:51,799 Can I use the entire team? 665 00:34:51,800 --> 00:34:54,119 So I can get other people as well. 666 00:34:54,120 --> 00:34:55,439 OK. 667 00:34:55,440 --> 00:34:57,239 Hello? 668 00:34:57,240 --> 00:35:01,319 Hello, can I borrow you for 20 minutes maximum? 669 00:35:01,320 --> 00:35:03,519 If you can all come in here, that'd be great. 670 00:35:03,520 --> 00:35:05,719 I need you to manipulate them a little bit. 671 00:35:05,720 --> 00:35:07,999 Hold it close to your eyes, if you can. 672 00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:09,439 See, I think you need to... Hmm. 673 00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:11,199 Hmm. It's something, isn't it? 674 00:35:11,200 --> 00:35:13,319 Maybe I could sing "Old Shep". 675 00:35:13,320 --> 00:35:14,759 Are you dog lovers? 676 00:35:14,760 --> 00:35:17,079 ♪ When I was a boy ♪ 677 00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:20,359 ♪ And Old Shep was a pup ♪ 678 00:35:20,360 --> 00:35:25,919 ♪ Over hills and meadows we'd stray ♪ 679 00:35:25,920 --> 00:35:29,599 ♪ Just a boy and his dog ♪ 680 00:35:29,600 --> 00:35:32,439 ♪ Who were both full of fun ♪ 681 00:35:32,440 --> 00:35:37,199 ♪ We grew up together that way ♪ 682 00:35:37,200 --> 00:35:38,479 - Frank? - Definitely one now. 683 00:35:38,480 --> 00:35:41,199 Oh, brilliant! That's the first tear so far. 684 00:35:41,200 --> 00:35:43,580 Was it the onion or was it Old Shep? 685 00:35:45,120 --> 00:35:46,199 Listen to this bit. 686 00:35:46,200 --> 00:35:49,199 ♪ He came to my side ♪ 687 00:35:49,200 --> 00:35:52,119 ♪ And he looked up at me ♪ 688 00:35:52,120 --> 00:35:56,199 ♪ And he laid his old head on my knee ♪ 689 00:35:56,200 --> 00:35:59,639 ♪ I stroked the best friend ♪ 690 00:35:59,640 --> 00:36:02,459 ♪ That a man ever had ♪ 691 00:36:02,460 --> 00:36:08,759 ♪ And I cried so I scarcely could see ♪ 692 00:36:08,760 --> 00:36:09,839 Ah, there's a good one! 693 00:36:10,401 --> 00:36:12,879 Ohh, no! 694 00:36:12,880 --> 00:36:15,119 It's a weird thing to hold the tears of 695 00:36:15,120 --> 00:36:17,199 four or five different men in your hand. 696 00:36:20,640 --> 00:36:23,879 How are you feeling about that chilli sauce decision now? 697 00:36:27,720 --> 00:36:30,199 It's not my finest hour. 698 00:36:30,200 --> 00:36:32,279 I wish I'd thought of it. 699 00:36:32,280 --> 00:36:33,280 Lateral thinking. 700 00:36:35,000 --> 00:36:36,599 Brilliant performance by Frank. 701 00:36:36,600 --> 00:36:38,199 Smiling throughout the task. 702 00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:40,239 No one broke the rules in this task, 703 00:36:40,240 --> 00:36:42,759 so it's simply on the amount of tears collected. 704 00:36:42,760 --> 00:36:47,199 Which means that Frank, with 12 tears squeezed out of us, is the winner. 705 00:36:50,660 --> 00:36:53,559 In a moment, join us for the final part of Taskmaster, 706 00:36:53,560 --> 00:36:56,679 where there will be a live task on this stage. 707 00:36:56,680 --> 00:36:59,119 Oh, before we go into the break, though... 708 00:37:03,020 --> 00:37:04,613 And it may not seem relevant, 709 00:37:04,614 --> 00:37:06,559 but it's been on my mind for a while, Alex... 710 00:37:06,560 --> 00:37:07,999 Oh yeah. What is it? 711 00:37:08,000 --> 00:37:10,479 How many grains of rice are there in a bag of rice? 712 00:37:12,640 --> 00:37:14,719 Really? I don't know. I don't know how you would know that. 713 00:37:14,720 --> 00:37:17,359 There's gotta be a way I can find out. I'm the Taskmaster. 714 00:37:17,360 --> 00:37:18,660 See you after the break. 715 00:37:22,520 --> 00:37:23,620 No way. 716 00:37:24,760 --> 00:37:26,919 "Count the grains of rice in this bag of rice." 717 00:37:26,920 --> 00:37:28,220 "Your time starts now." 718 00:37:39,720 --> 00:37:42,119 Ninety-three... Well, that's five grams. 719 00:37:42,120 --> 00:37:43,080 How many grains? 720 00:37:43,081 --> 00:37:44,399 Two hundred and fifty. 721 00:37:44,400 --> 00:37:46,639 So, 500 is... 722 00:37:46,640 --> 00:37:48,279 25,000 grains. 723 00:37:48,280 --> 00:37:50,359 You feel like a loser, but then you realise 724 00:37:50,360 --> 00:37:52,439 you're not the one that's having to watch this five times. 725 00:37:52,440 --> 00:37:53,719 So I don't know who's the bigger loser, 726 00:37:53,720 --> 00:37:54,999 me or you, on this one. 727 00:37:58,840 --> 00:38:01,559 I love you, Joshy. You've done well. 728 00:38:01,560 --> 00:38:02,560 Do you know now? 729 00:38:04,320 --> 00:38:07,959 I genuinely think I deserve a point. 730 00:38:13,080 --> 00:38:16,039 It's the final part of the show, where one of these five comedians 731 00:38:16,040 --> 00:38:18,119 could still win all of that rubbish. 732 00:38:18,120 --> 00:38:20,959 Alex, who looks most likely to win at this stage? 733 00:38:20,960 --> 00:38:23,439 Well, the relevant scores are that... 734 00:38:23,440 --> 00:38:25,159 Romesh is on nine points, 735 00:38:25,160 --> 00:38:26,668 Frank Skinner on 13, 736 00:38:26,669 --> 00:38:29,159 and Josh Widdicombe on 14 points. 737 00:38:32,920 --> 00:38:35,119 Excellent. Well, our comedians are now on stage. 738 00:38:35,120 --> 00:38:37,119 Why are they all on stage in a line, Alex? 739 00:38:37,120 --> 00:38:38,319 They're gonna do a task. 740 00:38:38,320 --> 00:38:40,349 I would like Romesh to read out the task, please, Alex. 741 00:38:40,350 --> 00:38:43,879 OK, Romesh, if you could read this out clearly and slowly, please. 742 00:38:44,920 --> 00:38:48,979 "Memorise the names of an Australian rules football team." 743 00:38:48,980 --> 00:38:51,479 "Most accurate wins." 744 00:38:51,480 --> 00:38:52,240 That's right. 745 00:38:52,241 --> 00:38:54,319 The contestants must memorise the names 746 00:38:54,320 --> 00:38:57,239 of all of this Australian rules football team. 747 00:38:57,240 --> 00:38:57,920 Oh, God. 748 00:38:57,921 --> 00:39:00,260 It's what we call "high-pressure socialising". 749 00:39:02,200 --> 00:39:04,079 They will go past you and shake your hands. 750 00:39:04,080 --> 00:39:05,879 You've got to try to remember all their names. 751 00:39:05,880 --> 00:39:08,319 You'll then get give three, randomly, each 752 00:39:08,320 --> 00:39:12,219 that you will then introduce to Greg Davies, who's the Taskmaster. 753 00:39:12,220 --> 00:39:14,319 Is it first names or full names? 754 00:39:14,320 --> 00:39:16,319 It's, uh, sort of Aussie rules names. 755 00:39:18,120 --> 00:39:19,319 Oh, Australian names. 756 00:39:19,320 --> 00:39:20,919 Alex, blow your whistle. Let's get this party started. 757 00:39:20,920 --> 00:39:22,839 OK, so if you could all stand up now, please. 758 00:39:22,840 --> 00:39:24,639 Oh, this is the worst thing that's ever happened... 759 00:39:24,640 --> 00:39:25,839 Here we go. 760 00:39:25,840 --> 00:39:27,500 What are you doing, Tim? 761 00:39:29,240 --> 00:39:30,679 Cheating, as usual. 762 00:39:30,680 --> 00:39:32,380 I'm not cheating! I've got a system. 763 00:39:35,440 --> 00:39:36,919 - Hello, what's your name? - Chisel. 764 00:39:36,920 --> 00:39:37,800 This is Chisel. 765 00:39:37,801 --> 00:39:39,239 - What's your name? - Grilby. 766 00:39:39,240 --> 00:39:40,160 This is Grilby. 767 00:39:40,161 --> 00:39:41,679 - Reggie. - This is Reggie. 768 00:39:41,680 --> 00:39:43,559 - Gordo. - This is Gordo. 769 00:39:43,560 --> 00:39:45,119 Paddo. This is Paddo. 770 00:39:45,120 --> 00:39:47,199 This is the Colonel. 771 00:39:47,200 --> 00:39:48,200 Of course it is. 772 00:39:48,201 --> 00:39:50,300 - This is Dina. - Hello, Dina. 773 00:39:51,760 --> 00:39:53,179 This is Blanket. 774 00:39:53,180 --> 00:39:54,399 Blanket? 775 00:39:54,400 --> 00:39:55,999 This is the Yank Tank. 776 00:39:56,000 --> 00:39:57,759 - Clarence. - This is Clarence. 777 00:39:57,760 --> 00:39:59,399 Hello, Clarence. 778 00:39:59,400 --> 00:40:00,959 - This is Izzy. - Hello, Izzy. 779 00:40:00,960 --> 00:40:04,079 This is Eggsy. 780 00:40:04,080 --> 00:40:05,559 B-Rad. This is B-Rad. 781 00:40:05,560 --> 00:40:09,039 - B-Rad, nice to meet you. - Trev. We're ending with Trev. 782 00:40:13,980 --> 00:40:15,639 So, you've met the team. 783 00:40:15,640 --> 00:40:18,519 I'd like Frank to introduce his three friends to me first. 784 00:40:18,520 --> 00:40:20,119 OK, Frank. These are your three. 785 00:40:20,120 --> 00:40:21,324 Please could you introduce them 786 00:40:21,325 --> 00:40:22,879 as quickly as you can to Mr Greg Davies? 787 00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:24,479 Yeah, this is, um... 788 00:40:24,480 --> 00:40:26,900 Bo-Bosun. Bosie. 789 00:40:27,840 --> 00:40:29,780 Er, this is, er... 790 00:40:32,720 --> 00:40:34,100 Blanket. 791 00:40:35,520 --> 00:40:37,879 And, uh, this one is, um... 792 00:40:37,880 --> 00:40:38,880 What was it again? 793 00:40:40,200 --> 00:40:42,180 This one is, um... 794 00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:46,839 - Uh, Steve. - Steve? OK. 795 00:40:50,280 --> 00:40:51,959 Josh, these are your three. 796 00:40:51,960 --> 00:40:54,099 Ooh... Chisel. 797 00:40:54,100 --> 00:40:55,500 We'll come back to you. 798 00:40:56,360 --> 00:40:57,559 No, we'll stay on you. 799 00:40:59,640 --> 00:41:01,679 Yank... Bank? 800 00:41:02,840 --> 00:41:04,020 Or... or Wank Plank. 801 00:41:05,240 --> 00:41:07,199 - I mean, surely... - You've already sewn this up. 802 00:41:07,200 --> 00:41:08,919 If I said that, he'd respond to it. 803 00:41:08,920 --> 00:41:11,039 I don't respond to the Wank Plank. 804 00:41:13,160 --> 00:41:14,719 Oh, God. 805 00:41:14,720 --> 00:41:16,959 It's not, but I'm gonna go with Paddo. 806 00:41:16,960 --> 00:41:18,599 OK, thank you, Josh. 807 00:41:18,600 --> 00:41:19,700 Very nice. 808 00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:23,679 Can I meet Roisin's three friends? 809 00:41:23,680 --> 00:41:24,959 Izzy. 810 00:41:24,960 --> 00:41:26,559 Er... 811 00:41:26,560 --> 00:41:28,199 Trev. 812 00:41:28,200 --> 00:41:30,759 Er, you were very fast. 813 00:41:30,760 --> 00:41:33,679 So, it's a short name. Er... 814 00:41:33,680 --> 00:41:35,199 Moira. 815 00:41:35,200 --> 00:41:36,919 Moira! 816 00:41:36,920 --> 00:41:38,980 Well done, Roisin. Good work. 817 00:41:40,240 --> 00:41:43,340 When I think of speed, I think Moira. 818 00:41:45,280 --> 00:41:47,539 Romesh, who are your three friends? 819 00:41:47,540 --> 00:41:50,119 Well, this is just gonna be three names that I come up with. 820 00:41:53,000 --> 00:41:54,199 This is Snoop Dogg. 821 00:41:57,040 --> 00:41:59,959 You're a very sexy man, aren't you? I think... 822 00:41:59,960 --> 00:42:01,959 OK, so this is my mate, Trev. 823 00:42:01,960 --> 00:42:03,319 This is Snoop Dogg. 824 00:42:03,320 --> 00:42:04,639 And this is... 825 00:42:04,640 --> 00:42:05,679 Jane. 826 00:42:05,680 --> 00:42:08,959 If I didn't know better, I'd say you were trying to get rid of that figurine. 827 00:42:08,960 --> 00:42:12,359 Have a seat, Romesh. 828 00:42:12,360 --> 00:42:14,959 OK, Timothy. Who are your three friends? 829 00:42:14,960 --> 00:42:16,159 This is Dina. 830 00:42:16,160 --> 00:42:17,160 Yeah? 831 00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:21,220 Yank Tank. 832 00:42:23,360 --> 00:42:24,959 And this is Mr Naughty Boy. 833 00:42:29,640 --> 00:42:31,319 So, when I blow my whistle, 834 00:42:31,320 --> 00:42:33,159 if you have been named correctly, 835 00:42:33,160 --> 00:42:35,039 please could you turn and face the front? 836 00:42:40,640 --> 00:42:41,759 Let's count them up. 837 00:42:41,760 --> 00:42:43,458 If you could come and join me on the floor, 838 00:42:43,459 --> 00:42:45,079 we'll see how that's affected the scores. 839 00:42:50,080 --> 00:42:51,080 Well, there we are. 840 00:42:51,081 --> 00:42:55,579 All of our contestants got a singularly unimpressive one person each. 841 00:42:59,160 --> 00:43:01,879 Which we will award them one point each for. 842 00:43:01,880 --> 00:43:04,239 Fair enough. Absolutely. I really respect you. 843 00:43:04,240 --> 00:43:05,340 Thanks, mate. 844 00:43:06,200 --> 00:43:08,819 I can't imagine how that's affected the final score. 845 00:43:11,680 --> 00:43:16,039 But before you reveal the winner of tonight's Taskmaster, 846 00:43:16,040 --> 00:43:19,119 I should announce that I am giving Josh Widdicombe 847 00:43:19,120 --> 00:43:21,167 an extra point for being such a good sport 848 00:43:21,168 --> 00:43:22,679 during his counting activities. 849 00:43:25,880 --> 00:43:28,399 Alex, will you reveal tonight's winner, please? 850 00:43:28,400 --> 00:43:31,359 Yeah. So, still, in first place... There was one winner pretty much throughout. 851 00:43:31,360 --> 00:43:33,559 - It's Mr Josh Widdicombe. - Josh Widdicombe wins! 852 00:43:39,240 --> 00:43:42,319 Congratulations, Josh. You are the winner of tonight's Taskmaster. 853 00:43:42,320 --> 00:43:43,619 How do you feel? 854 00:43:43,620 --> 00:43:45,020 Elated. 855 00:43:45,920 --> 00:43:47,079 That's the end of the show. 856 00:43:47,080 --> 00:43:49,559 Thank you, everyone. Thank you, Alex. 857 00:43:49,560 --> 00:43:51,199 And once again, Josh, congratulations. 858 00:43:51,200 --> 00:43:53,779 You may now go and collect your tat. 859 00:43:58,720 --> 00:43:59,720 And remember, everyone, 860 00:43:59,721 --> 00:44:02,799 nothing great was ever achieved without a personal sacrifice. 861 00:44:02,800 --> 00:44:05,119 Take those words, live your lives. 862 00:44:05,120 --> 00:44:06,319 Good night. 863 00:44:08,640 --> 00:44:10,279 Mr Josh Widdicombe! 864 00:44:26,160 --> 00:44:27,980 Don't knock that figurine off! 865 00:44:29,160 --> 00:44:31,319 Mr Josh Widdicombe! 866 00:44:31,320 --> 00:44:33,599 Can I take this off? I'm suffocating. 867 00:44:33,600 --> 00:44:37,199 So, hold on. The winner of Taskmaster can't put a jumper on?