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Hello, I am Greg Davies.
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This is Taskmaster and
I am the Taskmaster.
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00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:38,369
As well as a truly
magnificent comedian,
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I am also a human, which means
that like all humans,
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I take pleasure in watching people
struggle to do simple things.
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So, over the past few months,
I've set a series of tricky tasks
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00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:50,959
to five seriously
competitive comedians.
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They have no idea how each other did,
but they'll soon find out.
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00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:56,799
I shall be judging both what
they did, and how they did it.
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My word is final. I like this role.
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Let's meet the contestants now.
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He's one in a million,
as he's from Birmingham,
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which has a population
of one million.
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It's Frank Skinner.
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[applause]
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Not true!
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Secondly, a man whose
hair and voice
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I still find surprising,
Josh Widdicombe.
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[applause]
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She once dropped by my flat with
two family packs of meatballs,
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one of which she ate by
herself. Roisin Conaty.
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[applause]
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Next to her is a man
who is as angry
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as his beard is thick.
Romesh Ranganathan.
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[applause]
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And finally, he's been in
Hollywood films,
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but when I showed pictures of all
of these people to my mother,
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he was the one she didn't
know. It's Tim Key!
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[applause]
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And as always, I am
helped and massaged
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by my personal assistant,
Alex Horne.
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Alex, tell the good people
about the first task.
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OK. I think you're doing a very
professional job, by the way.
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Good. I'm sorry, is this the banter?
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- Yes, that was the banter.
- Very good.
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What's the first task?
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So, the first task in this
show is the prize task.
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Each of the contestants
have brought in
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one of their own possessions
for the prize haul,
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and they're gonna be awarded
points for their prizes
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depending on how impressed you
are by them and their prizes.
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This is all their actual stuff,
which is unusual.
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Well, that is one of the
USPs of this show.
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This time we've asked them to bring
in their most impressive item.
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Yeah, I did. So, Tim,
let's start with you.
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You need to impress me with the
item you've brought in as a prize.
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What did you bring me?
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I brought a London Marathon
participant's medal.
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I completed the London Marathon.
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In 2009, I ran the London Marathon.
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I'm genuinely speechless.
You did the London Marathon.
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Why are you speechless?
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I don't know. We've known each
other for a little while now
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and I would've bet my life that
you've never run the Marathon.
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That's like saying, "I've known you
for a while now and I think you're fat."
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Great opener. Romesh,
what have you brought?
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I've brought in an Arsenal cap,
that was not only just worn by me,
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but was also thrown from
the Arsenal tour bus
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in the celebrations following
the 2001–2002 double.
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It came from a player,
I don't know which one.
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Someone might've thrown it from
the other side, just over the bus.
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That's like he's just been told
Father Christmas doesn't exist.
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I mean, the bad news for you is,
I can't bear football.
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When I'm king, it'll be banned,
so it's not looking good.
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Roisin?
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I have brought a
bottle of champagne,
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but it's not a normal bottle.
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It's a massive bottle of
champagne that has the
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quantity of eight normal-sized
bottles of champagne in it.
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It's worth £550.
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- [audience] Wooo!
- [Roisin] Yeah.
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It's not what I'd call
an achievement.
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A giant amount of champagne.
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I drink an awful lot.
I'm impressed.
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[Romesh] You're not more impressed
by that than by the Arsenal thing.
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I'm not more impressed by that than
you catching someone's tossed-off hat?
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"Guys, I'm having a party
round at mine today."
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"Oh, brilliant. What is it,
a champagne party?"
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"No, I've just got a hat."
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The category is not "shit that
would be great at a party."
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- It's "most impressive".
- [Roisin] It's impressive!
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- It's stuff that'll impress me.
- Old pisshead here's just got a massive
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- bottle of champagne...
- I'm not a pisshead!
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And that's more impressive?
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Who has a bottle of
champagne that size?
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You've obviously got a problem.
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And that's being celebrated here.
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I've got a hat from the
winning team, mate.
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Roisin, I'll tell you now, you're
gonna beat Romesh's hat.
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Josh Widdicombe?
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This, I really don't want
to lose it as well,
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but this represents the greatest
achievement of my life.
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It is the trophy I won when
I won on Pointless.
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[audience] Oooh!
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Wow.
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The whole setup for that
is just so that we know
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- that Josh won Pointless.
- No!
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That's the whole reason
he put that up there.
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Yeah, is that because the
celebrity of your hat's
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been rather downgraded
in the last ten minutes?
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I imagine, Josh, when you
were on Pointless,
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all the money you won went
to a charity, didn't it?
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- Correct.
- [Greg] Yeah.
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[laughter]
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- Well done, mate.
- [Josh] Thank you.
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This is bullshit, man.
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The only thing that you
got from Pointless,
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the trophy, you're now
giving that away as well.
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- [Josh] Yep.
- [Greg] Aww.
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And you know what?
If I wasn't giving it away,
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next time Arsenal won
a trophy, I'd go down,
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throw it over a bus, and
someone else can have it.
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[Greg] I'll bet you would.
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Mr Skinner, what did you bring?
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The only hat that really
looks good on me
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is the one that you get out
of a cracker at Christmas.
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- You know, the paper crown.
- Yeah.
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I put that on and I think,
"I love this!"
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but you can't wear it
all the year round.
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The seam is unreliable.
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Someone made me a leather
cracker crown. There it is.
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What do you think, Alex?
I think it's a really odd item.
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Well, it's up to you.
I'm just admin, so, um...
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OK, I just thought I'd try
and draw you in a bit.
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No, I appreciate that.
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- But are you impressed? That's the...
- Yeah, I think I am impressed.
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I think it's really nice. If only
you'd have tossed it over a bus.
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The most impressive thing
to me, straight in there,
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I'll tell you now, is that
Tim Key ran the Marathon.
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Sort of a compliment, isn't it?
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The second most impressive
is the leather hat.
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Then the champagne, then the
Pointless trophy.
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Then the rubbish Arsenal hat.
It's done.
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[applause]
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I got a "woo", I was the
only one that got a "woo"!
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I know, I feel like I've shafted
you over, but it's too late now.
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No, it's not!
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Because of that, Josh is angry,
and the league table...
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[disgusted noise]
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It was only Celebrity Pointless.
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Oh, what?!
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Honestly, this Arsenal hat's looking
more and more attractive, mate.
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- You know we can change this?
- Yeah, I think he's being very rude.
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Nah, I'm only joking. It's rubbish.
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[laughter]
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A treasure trove of
impressiveness up there.
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At the end of the show, the one who
triumphs over the tasks will head up,
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look smug, and then take
all of those prizes home.
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Time for a proper task.
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- Alex?
- Yes?
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- Let's have one.
- OK, then.
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Here it is.
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Hello, Alex. Hello, Alex.
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- [Alex] Hello, Tim.
- Hello, chaps.
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Feels like being Bond.
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But sort of shittier.
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"High-five a 55-year-old. Fastest wins.
Your time starts now."
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It's really rude to go up to
people, isn't it? And ask?
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[uneasily] Oooh.
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"Oooh." What emotions
were going through
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your mind when you
made that noise?
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Well, as Josh intimated,
it's quite difficult
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to go up to someone and say,
"Excuse me, are you 55?"
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That sort of wrote off all the women
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in the shopping centre, for a start-off.
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It's a terrible chat-up line.
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I also did think,
"Does the average 55-year-old
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know what a high-five is,
or will they just think
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I'm a Nazi approaching them?"
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If you got your angle...
Yeah, yeah.
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Let's see how Romesh and
the Nazi got on, shall we?
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I'm looking for a 55-year-old.
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- What do they look like?
- Dunno.
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- Excuse me, sir. Are you 55?
- No, what are you saying?
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- Well, how badly have I got it wrong?
- Seven years.
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Oh, I'm so sorry. You look
great though, honestly.
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[laughter]
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- What an insult that is.
- I'm sorry, I'm saying that to everyone.
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I said it to a 12-year-old earlier.
I'm just trying my luck.
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This is going badly. Really badly.
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- No, no. I'm...
- Younger?
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- Seventy-three.
- Oh, what? You look fantastic!
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Excuse me.
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- You're not by any chance...
- No, I'm not, no.
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Could I do people that
make up a 55-year-old?
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00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:04,999
- You're 30 and you're...
- Twenty-nine.
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Ooh, I was really hoping
you were gonna say 25.
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I've got to high-five
a 55-year-old.
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00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:11,939
I wondered if I could
do it in two halves.
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00:09:11,940 --> 00:09:14,140
♪ Twenty quid if you're 55 ♪
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Fifty-one?
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00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:20,020
I'm not gonna be here for four years.
It's not gonna work. Sorry.
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Twenty-seven? Well, I could
high-five you now.
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This gives me some options.
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00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:28,599
- How old are you?
- Twenty-seven.
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00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:30,479
Twenty-seven! That's fifty-f...
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00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:33,359
Can I just high-five you anyway?
Just for the maths.
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00:09:33,360 --> 00:09:34,599
Cheers! Thanks very much.
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00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:36,380
If I got a one-year-old now!
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[laughter and applause]
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00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:43,679
Can I high-five a one-year-old?
202
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Do you wanna do a high-five?
A little high-five?
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00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:51,599
Lickle high-five? Just a lickle
high-five for Frankie?
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[high-pitched] Lickle high-five?
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00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:56,479
No high-five, no ice cream.
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Please. Please.
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00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:02,239
Here we go, Max. Pew, high-five!
208
00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:04,839
Two 27-year-olds and
a one-year-old.
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00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:05,980
I'm gonna claim that.
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00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:09,020
- How old are you? 51?
- Fifty.
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00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:11,260
Would you high-five me?
212
00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:16,479
OK, I'm gonna give you
20 quid. Thank you.
213
00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:18,319
Thank you very much. Thank you.
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00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:20,579
[applause]
215
00:10:20,580 --> 00:10:22,599
Interesting flourish from
the lady at the end.
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00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:24,700
Yeah, it was a bit creepy that, man.
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00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:29,260
Almost as creepy as threatening
to take a baby's ice cream off them.
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I was desperate by that stage.
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00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:35,399
I don't know whether to allow
Frank Skinner the points.
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00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:36,679
There's no way you can, mate.
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00:10:36,680 --> 00:10:38,759
I think inventiveness
should be seen
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00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:41,039
as an additional thing,
rather than a minus.
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00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:44,159
But if I said I was going
out with a 54-year-old,
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00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:47,499
and then I turned up with
two 27-year-olds...
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00:10:47,500 --> 00:10:49,259
[Romesh] Legend!
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00:10:49,260 --> 00:10:51,100
Yeah, actually, that'd be better.
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00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:55,199
What I found interesting is once
you'd made your rubbish sign,
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00:10:55,200 --> 00:10:57,860
you were also almost
totally motionless.
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00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:02,119
It was almost like you'd been
hypnotised by your own sign.
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00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,079
To be honest with you,
when I'd done the sign,
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00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:06,239
I was feeling pretty
pleased with myself,
232
00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:09,099
and I just thought, "All I need
to do is just stand here
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00:11:09,100 --> 00:11:11,900
and the 55-year-olds are
gonna come rolling in!"
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00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:15,719
I dunno, Frank. I'm gonna have
to mull on it a little bit more.
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00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:18,279
I don't know whether I can allow
your Frankenstein 55-year-old.
236
00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:21,839
Isn't it better to be inventive
than to just pay people?
237
00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:23,959
No, it's much better to chase
down a one-year-old
238
00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:26,639
and take away their ice cream.
You're absolutely right.
239
00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:29,780
- They got it back.
- I'm so sorry, Mother Theresa.
240
00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:31,610
Tell me the times.
241
00:11:31,611 --> 00:11:34,540
Well, Romesh high-fived a
50-year-old after an hour.
242
00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:39,439
- [Alex] It's not great.
- [Greg] I mean, Jesus Christ.
243
00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:42,319
I thought you'd only stood
catatonic with a shit sign
244
00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:43,839
- for ten minutes.
- No, it's an hour.
245
00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:46,319
An hour? And you found
a 50-year-old?
246
00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:47,200
And then he gave up.
247
00:11:47,201 --> 00:11:49,199
How long did it take Frank
to bend the rules?
248
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:52,879
He created a 55-year-old after
12 minutes and 44 seconds.
249
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:56,129
Wow. I'm afraid we have to
stop here and have a break,
250
00:11:56,130 --> 00:11:58,340
but we'll conclude
this story soon.
251
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:10,300
Welcome back. Hope you had an
excellent break. We certainly did.
252
00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:15,439
We'd better move on.
What about Mr Tim Key?
253
00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:18,039
Yeah, we have Tim Key's
progress just here.
254
00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:19,320
[Greg] Let's see how you got on.
255
00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:25,460
[he laughs nervously]
256
00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:35,980
[quietly] Oh, God.
257
00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:04,460
[he clears throat, sighs]
258
00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:08,359
Excuse me. [he clears throat]
I'm doing a, um...
259
00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:11,599
shooting a TV show for Comic Relief.
260
00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:14,319
[everyone gasps]
261
00:13:14,320 --> 00:13:16,439
- Is it possible to high-five you?
- Sure.
262
00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:18,919
- Thank you. And how old are you?
- Fifty-five.
263
00:13:18,920 --> 00:13:24,039
[cheers and applause]
264
00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:25,140
I'm done!
265
00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:32,439
Phenomenal, right?
266
00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:33,999
I mean, that was...
267
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:36,999
Yeah, obviously there's an issue,
we'll deal with that, but...
268
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:40,099
You are beyond the pale.
269
00:13:40,100 --> 00:13:42,559
And everyone's applauding, well done!
270
00:13:42,560 --> 00:13:45,459
Pretending it's for Comic Relief.
Oh, we love you Tim!
271
00:13:45,460 --> 00:13:47,359
You should be ashamed of yourself.
272
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:49,999
Just remind me, Alex. What is
Comic Relief? What do they do?
273
00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:54,039
They do a lot of charitable work.
They help people in need.
274
00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:55,740
Great to get their name out, isn't it?
275
00:13:57,800 --> 00:14:02,420
[applause]
276
00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:06,119
Let's see how Roisin got on, shall we?
277
00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:08,039
OK, so Roisin had a different
approach to Tim.
278
00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:09,669
Roisin was straight in there.
279
00:14:09,670 --> 00:14:13,159
I've grouped her with Josh because
they were both pretty fast.
280
00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:14,239
[Greg whistles]
281
00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:16,579
Excuse me, sir. How old are you?
282
00:14:16,580 --> 00:14:18,239
Do you mind me asking?
283
00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:20,340
- Forty-two?
- OK. Too young, sorry.
284
00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:24,399
How am I gonna do this?
285
00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:27,020
Excuse me, sir.
Can I ask how old you are?
286
00:14:29,320 --> 00:14:31,300
This is just my worst nightmare.
287
00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:34,959
Excuse me, madam.
You're not 55, by any chance?
288
00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:36,659
- No.
- No worries, thank you.
289
00:14:36,660 --> 00:14:38,399
You're not 55, are you?
290
00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:41,399
- I'm 60.
- Argh! Well, it's a compliment.
291
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:42,759
[Alex] What are you thinking?
292
00:14:42,760 --> 00:14:45,199
I'm thinking I could be
insulting some people here.
293
00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:47,259
Excuse me, madam.
I've got a very weird question.
294
00:14:47,260 --> 00:14:48,879
You're not in your fifties, are you?
295
00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:51,639
- I'm afraid I am.
- OK, you're not 55, are you?
296
00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:53,459
No, I'm older than that, I'm afraid.
297
00:14:53,460 --> 00:14:55,279
God, you look very young. Well done.
298
00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:57,359
Neither of you are 55, are you?
299
00:14:57,360 --> 00:14:59,879
- Add a bit more.
- Add a bit more?
300
00:14:59,880 --> 00:15:01,940
Thanks for your honesty.
301
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:07,159
I've got to high-five someone
who's 55 and you're not 55.
302
00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:08,719
I'm 60.
303
00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:12,159
- You're 60? No!
- No, this lady's 55, aren't you?
304
00:15:12,160 --> 00:15:14,359
Are you 55? Can I give you a high-five?
305
00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:16,619
- Yes.
- There we go!
306
00:15:16,620 --> 00:15:18,039
Done?
307
00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:21,399
You're 55? Please! Please!
308
00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:23,879
I just have to get you to high-five me.
309
00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:25,239
- Done it!
- You're welcome.
310
00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:27,239
Thank you so much.
311
00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:29,759
[applause]
312
00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:31,060
Fair and square.
313
00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:34,119
I mean, to the untrained eye,
it sort of looked
314
00:15:34,120 --> 00:15:36,180
like you cuffed a person
in a wheelchair there.
315
00:15:38,160 --> 00:15:40,719
Your sign was way better
than Romesh's, I thought.
316
00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:42,679
- Yeah, I put a bit of colour in it.
- [Greg] Yeah.
317
00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:46,799
And I didn't offer money like I was
trying to buy someone. [she laughs]
318
00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:48,839
Roisin was the first person
who sort of recognised
319
00:15:48,840 --> 00:15:50,279
that it is embarrassing
to be asked your age.
320
00:15:50,280 --> 00:15:51,379
[Greg] There was lots of apologising.
321
00:15:51,380 --> 00:15:53,319
She was very friendly, she was
very polite, and she was very quick.
322
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:56,479
She came in at six minutes
and 12 seconds.
323
00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:58,519
[Greg whistles]
324
00:15:58,520 --> 00:16:01,159
[applause]
325
00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:03,039
Six minutes and 12 seconds.
326
00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:06,180
Didn't hit a disabled person,
didn't use a charity.
327
00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:08,719
[Greg] What was Josh's time?
328
00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:11,509
Josh, three minutes, 18 seconds.
329
00:16:11,510 --> 00:16:12,679
Jesus Christ.
330
00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:15,999
[applause]
331
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:19,359
And Tim Key, four minutes 29.
So, Josh...
332
00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:21,359
- [Greg] Four minutes 29.
- Josh was the quickest.
333
00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:23,460
[applause]
334
00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:27,519
Josh was the quickest,
Tim the second quickest.
335
00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:29,639
Depending on whether you
want to factor in any of the...
336
00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:32,119
charity... lying.
337
00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:35,679
To be fair to Key, on the card
it didn't specify that you...
338
00:16:35,680 --> 00:16:38,439
Oh, no, it didn't specify,
"Don't use a charity as a lie."
339
00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:42,099
It didn't specify, "Don't punch
an old woman in the face" either.
340
00:16:42,100 --> 00:16:44,439
So, the only way to make
it right is for Tim Key
341
00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:45,959
to pledge something to
Comic Relief, right?
342
00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:47,039
- Yeah, fine.
- How much?
343
00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:50,359
- £185?
- £185.
344
00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:53,839
- Where's that come from?
- It feels right, it feels right.
345
00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:56,279
It's not too much but it's
quite a lot of money.
346
00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:58,319
At the moment, you're gonna
take four juicy points home.
347
00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:00,439
You're in second place.
I'm gonna drop you down to third
348
00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:02,799
unless you give £185 to
Comic Relief. Yes or no?
349
00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:04,519
OK, how much to go back up to one?
350
00:17:04,520 --> 00:17:07,439
- [Josh] No way!
- Shut up! Shut up, Josh.
351
00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:10,999
- I'd never even thought of that.
- [Roisin] He is dodgy.
352
00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:12,839
- Look at the way he's sitting.
- [Josh] Look at you!
353
00:17:12,840 --> 00:17:14,500
I always sit like this!
354
00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:17,340
What can I get for 500?
355
00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:19,820
[quietly] How much for first?
356
00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:22,220
Twelve and a half grand.
357
00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:25,740
Ooh, you sod.
358
00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:27,570
Take it or leave it.
359
00:17:27,571 --> 00:17:29,239
Hold it, can I buy second?
360
00:17:29,240 --> 00:17:31,439
[laughter]
361
00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:34,359
In fact, I think I'll buy first. What
was it, twelve and a half grand?
362
00:17:34,360 --> 00:17:35,860
I've probably got that on me.
363
00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:40,839
I feel like we're choosing who's
gonna host the next World Cup.
364
00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:46,439
[applause]
365
00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:49,239
He's gonna go down a place
for mentioning charity.
366
00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:51,079
Roisin to second, so the
winner of that task
367
00:17:51,080 --> 00:17:52,919
is Mr Josh Widdicombe,
ladies and gentlemen.
368
00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:57,700
[cheers and applause]
369
00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:00,399
It's all very interesting, but still,
370
00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:02,380
we have to have a break now. Goodbye.
371
00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:13,599
Welcome back to Taskmaster,
where five highly paid comedians
372
00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:15,879
are fighting over a leather party hat.
373
00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:17,479
Alex, how are the scores looking?
374
00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:18,659
Pretty good, pretty good.
375
00:18:18,660 --> 00:18:21,319
I've updated the scoreboard.
We can see it up there.
376
00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:25,159
At the moment, in first place,
it's still Tim Key despite the issues.
377
00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:26,959
[Greg whistles]
378
00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:29,660
- [applause]
- [Alex] Tight, it's very tight.
379
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:33,399
So, Alex, what does the
next task involve?
380
00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:36,420
It involves our friend,
everyone's friend: pastry.
381
00:18:49,280 --> 00:18:51,379
[he chuckles] I like it so far.
382
00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:53,079
[she chuckles]
383
00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:55,780
Wow. 'S a lotta pie.
384
00:18:56,640 --> 00:18:59,399
Before I've even opened the envelope,
I'm not happy with this, but anyway...
385
00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:00,400
Here we go.
386
00:19:00,401 --> 00:19:03,399
"Identify the contents of these pies."
387
00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:04,959
"You may touch the pies..."
388
00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:07,759
"but you may not breach their pastry."
389
00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:08,520
What?
390
00:19:08,521 --> 00:19:10,580
It's impossible, mate.
391
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:15,700
[imitating Roisin] Lotta piiie.
392
00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:19,720
Good impression.
393
00:19:19,721 --> 00:19:21,239
Someone's trying to
get a catchphrase.
394
00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:23,559
[laughter]
395
00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:25,679
You've come into every
task and said that.
396
00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:27,660
This is the first time
it's made sense.
397
00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:30,119
[Alex] Who do you wanna
see first of all?
398
00:19:30,120 --> 00:19:33,079
I'd actually like to see how the
old master, Frank Skinner, did.
399
00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:35,079
The master did it like this.
400
00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:38,420
Ooh, warm! I wasn't expecting that.
401
00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:41,479
Oh, this one's cold.
402
00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:43,519
Can I say, I haven't done
any breaching here,
403
00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:45,219
but what I can see through it,
404
00:19:45,220 --> 00:19:47,279
I think I can see a sliver of onion.
405
00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:50,199
Which makes me think maybe
steak and onion for this one.
406
00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:54,039
This is a mighty pie.
It's saying "cheese" to me.
407
00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:57,299
I'm thinking cheese and potato,
steak and onion.
408
00:19:57,300 --> 00:20:00,500
I'm thinking steak and
ale for that one.
409
00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:04,319
Thinking steak and kidney
for this, at the moment.
410
00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:06,519
This one, I do think steak and ale.
411
00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:08,940
I mean, I've written steak three times.
412
00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:13,959
This one, because
it's got a seed topping...
413
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:16,119
I think this is a vegetarian pie.
414
00:20:16,120 --> 00:20:20,020
I think it's sweet potato and... leek.
415
00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:24,359
My feeling is, Frank,
that you were hoping
416
00:20:24,360 --> 00:20:26,779
to sense the contents of the pies.
417
00:20:26,780 --> 00:20:29,719
Yes, I took a psychic approach.
418
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:31,559
Sort of a pie whisperer.
419
00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:32,520
Yes.
420
00:20:32,521 --> 00:20:33,959
[laughter]
421
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:35,109
[Greg] Shall we see some more?
422
00:20:35,110 --> 00:20:37,679
Yeah, these are the results of
what was actually in the pies.
423
00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:41,479
OK, so this is the one that
I think is steak and kidney.
424
00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:42,999
It's, um...
425
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:46,239
Actually, it's got a... a picture in it.
426
00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:48,740
Of, um, of the Taskmaster.
427
00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:53,959
That would have taken some surmising.
428
00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:55,199
Right, OK.
429
00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:59,439
Well, I said cheese and potato,
but the way it's going,
430
00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:01,860
it could be Scandinavia.
431
00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:06,900
Ooh, this looks like steak and kidney.
432
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:10,679
Steak pie.
433
00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:13,319
This one I thought was steak and onion.
434
00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:15,380
There's something really hard in this one.
435
00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:20,620
It's, um, it's frozen peas.
436
00:21:22,040 --> 00:21:24,620
This should be steak and ale.
437
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:28,959
This is actually not easy to
pick up with a knife and fork.
438
00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:30,249
Marbles.
439
00:21:30,250 --> 00:21:32,999
[laughter]
440
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:35,639
That was, uh, very wrong.
441
00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:39,919
- I've gone a bit normal on my guesses.
- [Alex chuckles]
442
00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:42,779
[applause]
443
00:21:42,780 --> 00:21:45,580
He appears to be under the impression
that all pies have steak in them.
444
00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:48,399
Except for the one that
did have steak them.
445
00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:51,079
- That was the only one he didn't put steak.
- Did he not get that one right?
446
00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:51,890
Oh no!
447
00:21:51,891 --> 00:21:53,239
[laughter]
448
00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:57,279
You know when they
laboratory-test Uri Geller
449
00:21:57,280 --> 00:21:59,639
and he says, "The conditions
aren't right for my powers tonight."
450
00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:00,719
That's how it felt.
451
00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:04,879
Everything said to me,
"You've got some proper pies."
452
00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:08,059
I mean, marbles and a picture of you...
453
00:22:08,060 --> 00:22:10,649
Let's move on from the
steak whisperer, can we?
454
00:22:10,650 --> 00:22:11,709
- OK.
- Who's next?
455
00:22:11,710 --> 00:22:13,479
We're gonna look at Romesh and Josh
456
00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:16,279
who were slightly more detective-like.
457
00:22:16,280 --> 00:22:19,919
This seems absurd.
Seems utterly impossible.
458
00:22:19,920 --> 00:22:21,559
I'm not a pie expert.
459
00:22:21,560 --> 00:22:23,399
I'm gonna be honest with
you, I don't really, um...
460
00:22:23,400 --> 00:22:26,279
I've had pies in the past, I'm not
saying I'm a pie virgin, but...
461
00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:27,820
OK, I'm gonna try smelling.
462
00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:30,479
I can't tell anything.
463
00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:31,900
OK, I'm gonna try the other ones.
464
00:22:33,120 --> 00:22:35,439
It's a very... pastry smell.
465
00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:38,660
It's got black seeds on it.
It's got quite a big top.
466
00:22:39,680 --> 00:22:42,079
I think this had the
bottom cut out of it.
467
00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:46,159
OK, so I'm thinking these
have been made especially.
468
00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:47,979
Very heavy.
469
00:22:47,980 --> 00:22:50,859
I can see... Oh, mate, come on.
470
00:22:50,860 --> 00:22:53,679
That looks like, to me,
looks like a marble.
471
00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:57,119
And it's heavy, so that's
what I'm going with for that.
472
00:22:57,120 --> 00:22:59,700
Glass marbles.
473
00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:02,519
This is hot.
474
00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:05,020
- [faint rattling]
- That's marbles.
475
00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:09,439
So, you squeeze the pies.
476
00:23:09,440 --> 00:23:12,319
If that isn't marbles, and
it's like, cheese and potato,
477
00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:14,260
I'm gonna look like an absolute idiot.
478
00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:18,959
This is really light.
479
00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:20,319
Nothing.
480
00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:23,319
OK, well I can see that one...
481
00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:25,879
Smashed that one, didn't breach it.
482
00:23:25,880 --> 00:23:28,239
Frozen peas, mate. Boom!
483
00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:30,060
This is a heavy pie.
484
00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:32,839
[softly] I think that's pie.
485
00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:35,059
I think the contents is pie.
486
00:23:35,060 --> 00:23:37,799
Smells beery or something.
487
00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:42,260
Looks like, to me, that's a
standard steak and kidney?
488
00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:47,359
Smashed it, mate.
489
00:23:47,360 --> 00:23:50,239
- [applause]
- Really impressive.
490
00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:52,359
"I'm not a pie expert,"
but it would appear you are.
491
00:23:52,360 --> 00:23:54,479
Some really great detective
work from both men, I thought.
492
00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:55,190
Thank you.
493
00:23:55,191 --> 00:23:58,159
Rather than just...
sensing the contents.
494
00:23:58,160 --> 00:23:59,559
[Roisin] I don't wanna quibble...
495
00:23:59,560 --> 00:24:01,259
- [Greg] You're gonna, though.
- Yeah.
496
00:24:01,260 --> 00:24:03,679
You know you can't
breach the pies...
497
00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:04,240
Yeah.
498
00:24:04,241 --> 00:24:05,799
He sort of breached them
with his eyes.
499
00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:06,999
[Greg] Oh, Jesus Christ.
500
00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:10,039
I've just got a lazy eye, Roisin,
alright? You don't have to...
501
00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:12,239
It's just a thing I've had
since I was a kid, alright?
502
00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:13,599
You don't have to go on about it.
503
00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:15,159
What do you mean he was
doing it with his eyes?
504
00:24:15,160 --> 00:24:16,719
It's not the fucking X-Files.
505
00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:19,879
There was holes in the pies
and he looked into the pies.
506
00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:21,999
- [Josh] Well, what...?
- That's a breach!
507
00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:23,959
- If it was a security building,
- [Greg] That's not a breach!
508
00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:25,159
I would say it's a breach!
509
00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:26,439
So if you looked through
someone's window,
510
00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:27,740
you've burgled them, have you?
511
00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:31,119
No, but you've definitely
breached something.
512
00:24:31,120 --> 00:24:33,399
[Tim] But clearly you're
not meant to look inside.
513
00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:34,360
Thank you!
514
00:24:34,361 --> 00:24:35,999
- [Tim] It's rude to look.
- What else are you meant to do?
515
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:37,580
I don't know, Josh!
516
00:24:39,320 --> 00:24:41,759
Take them to an airport, walk
through security and say,
517
00:24:41,760 --> 00:24:43,599
- "What was in those pies?"
- [Tim] It's a thought.
518
00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:44,959
Yeah, I wish I'd done that now.
519
00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:47,839
Or just go, "Can you tell me what's
in this pie? It's for Comic Relief."
520
00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:50,679
You wanna see a breach?
This is a breach.
521
00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:53,679
[Josh] Oh! That was unintentional.
522
00:24:53,680 --> 00:24:54,959
Pastry breached?
523
00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:56,340
Well, that's unfair!
524
00:24:57,400 --> 00:24:58,280
Peas.
525
00:24:58,281 --> 00:25:01,119
- [laughter]
- There's a slight...
526
00:25:01,120 --> 00:25:03,220
element of cream there.
527
00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:07,479
Ugh.
528
00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:09,580
It's a toothpaste pie.
529
00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:12,199
Oh, my G--
530
00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:14,260
That is-- Oh, my God!
531
00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:16,039
That is horrible.
532
00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:17,319
Oh!
533
00:25:17,320 --> 00:25:19,039
The bottom's fallen off.
534
00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:20,799
[Alex] I think you can
describe that as breached.
535
00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:22,479
I didn't deliberately...
536
00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:24,839
I would describe that
as a breached pie.
537
00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:26,679
I don't care what you'd
describe it as.
538
00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:28,980
It's an accident, so I'm
gonna carry on.
539
00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:34,339
I still can't-- [laughing]
What the hell is that?
540
00:25:34,340 --> 00:25:36,539
What is...?
541
00:25:36,540 --> 00:25:38,020
[he sniffs]
542
00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:41,999
That's horrible. That's...
I can't believe it.
543
00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:44,679
They're breached.
I think they're breached.
544
00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:45,959
I admit I've obviously...
545
00:25:45,960 --> 00:25:47,439
That is a breach,
when it breaks.
546
00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:49,319
I admitted that,
I held my hands up.
547
00:25:49,320 --> 00:25:50,799
- I didn't try and cover it up.
- [Tim] That's a scandal.
548
00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:53,219
You did, you said "peas"
straight after.
549
00:25:53,220 --> 00:25:55,980
No, I said "peace"!
Let's all move on!
550
00:25:57,440 --> 00:26:00,319
I don't agree. I don't know why
you're just giving it up like this, man.
551
00:26:00,320 --> 00:26:01,679
I didn't breach that...
552
00:26:01,680 --> 00:26:02,839
[Tim] You breached it, man.
553
00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:04,039
Sure you breached it.
554
00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:06,759
Before you went into the room,
that pie wasn't breached.
555
00:26:06,760 --> 00:26:08,759
When you left the room,
the pie had been breached.
556
00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:11,519
That doesn't mean it was me.
There were other people in the room!
557
00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:13,299
What, the cameraman breached the pie?
558
00:26:13,300 --> 00:26:14,479
Maybe he did, who knows?
559
00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:17,460
We've just seen a film of you
breaching the fucking pie!
560
00:26:18,560 --> 00:26:21,319
- It's alright. It's OK.
- Sorry, mate, but...
561
00:26:21,320 --> 00:26:23,879
I'm with you, I don't think
you breached the pie,
562
00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:25,119
- the bottom dropped out of it.
- I lifted the pie.
563
00:26:25,120 --> 00:26:28,319
It's not got sufficient structural
integrity. That's not my fault.
564
00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:29,729
Frank didn't breach the pies at all.
565
00:26:29,730 --> 00:26:31,639
Mystic Frank over there,
I'm not gonna take his--
566
00:26:31,640 --> 00:26:33,639
Hold it, I'm sticking up for you!
567
00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:35,799
You see how he turns?
568
00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:38,359
"Frank just sensed the pie! Why
didn't you do that, Romesh?"
569
00:26:38,360 --> 00:26:40,100
'Cause it ended up being dogshit!
570
00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:43,679
- Oh, I didn't get that pie.
- No offence, Frank.
571
00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:45,980
You would've thought that
dog shit was steak, to be fair.
572
00:26:48,280 --> 00:26:52,999
I just lifted the pie out and the pie
wasn't put together properly.
573
00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:54,679
I've got some bad news
for you, 'cause later tonight
574
00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:57,179
I'm gonna be reversing my car
through your front room window.
575
00:26:57,180 --> 00:26:59,719
Let's hope the house has
been built properly.
576
00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:07,420
[laughter and applause]
577
00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:11,239
I'm slightly worried. If they were
this het-up about that breaching...
578
00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:13,919
The next two, I mean,
they're gonna be furious.
579
00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:15,319
Oh, my God.
580
00:27:15,320 --> 00:27:18,519
Are you a breacher, after all this?
581
00:27:18,520 --> 00:27:21,919
After we sat there--
"He breached it with his eyes!"
582
00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:24,700
[Romesh] What have you done now?
583
00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:28,279
"That is technically a breach!"
584
00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:31,839
"I'm disgusted, I'm disgusted!"
585
00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:35,060
If you've breached it,
I swear I'm gonna chair you.
586
00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:37,799
- Chill out!
- [Greg] Hey, hey, hey.
587
00:27:37,800 --> 00:27:40,580
And if that chair breaks...
Bad workmanship, right?
588
00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:43,660
Guys. Papa don't breach.
589
00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:51,700
[laughter and applause]
590
00:27:52,720 --> 00:27:53,759
Can we see another one?
591
00:27:53,760 --> 00:27:56,939
Well, this is Tim and
Roisin together.
592
00:27:56,940 --> 00:27:59,199
Can you breach the pastry for me?
593
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:02,359
If I asked you to punch that,
would you do it?
594
00:28:02,360 --> 00:28:04,839
Yes, I could punch the pie.
Just straight down?
595
00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:07,199
Just like...
596
00:28:07,200 --> 00:28:08,759
[Tim laughing]
597
00:28:08,760 --> 00:28:09,760
There's something in there.
598
00:28:09,761 --> 00:28:10,860
There's a picture in there.
599
00:28:11,960 --> 00:28:13,439
No!
600
00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:16,919
What about if you taste it,
and based on your reaction,
601
00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:18,439
I decide what pie you're eating?
602
00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:20,199
I haven't broken the rules.
603
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:21,919
- [Alex] Shall we give it a go?
- Yes.
604
00:28:21,920 --> 00:28:23,260
[crunching]
605
00:28:24,520 --> 00:28:27,119
That looks like it was way better
than you thought it was gonna be,
606
00:28:27,120 --> 00:28:29,180
so I'm gonna go with, uh, steak.
607
00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:31,559
Smells nice.
608
00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:33,500
- I think you'll enjoy that one.
- Do you?
609
00:28:34,520 --> 00:28:35,320
[rattling]
610
00:28:35,321 --> 00:28:36,580
[Roisin] Jesus!
611
00:28:37,680 --> 00:28:39,639
Aw, it's got kidney in it, doesn't it?
612
00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:41,119
Though your face,
show me how you'd feel
613
00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:42,840
if you had to eat the
whole lot of that pie.
614
00:28:43,480 --> 00:28:45,899
Oh, Jesus. It's kidney pie.
615
00:28:45,900 --> 00:28:49,980
- [crunching]
- [Tim cackling]
616
00:28:50,720 --> 00:28:54,639
That's a help. That feels
like it's, um, beef pie.
617
00:28:54,640 --> 00:28:57,380
- I can try to unscrew it?
- Yeah, unscrew it, yeah.
618
00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:04,079
[Tim laughs]
619
00:29:04,080 --> 00:29:06,319
Well, that one's marbles.
620
00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:08,439
Punch that one and then I'll
write something down.
621
00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:09,540
- Ready?
- Yep.
622
00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:16,199
[disgusted laugh]
623
00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:17,340
Toothpaste!
624
00:29:21,440 --> 00:29:27,959
[laughter]
625
00:29:27,960 --> 00:29:34,500
[audience groans]
626
00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:49,399
You don't look like you're
having a nice time.
627
00:29:49,400 --> 00:29:52,239
That makes me think it's
not a nice-time pie.
628
00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:54,260
Milk? Milk pie?
629
00:29:57,320 --> 00:30:00,380
I think... I'm gonna go with a milk pie.
630
00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:05,340
[applause]
631
00:30:06,160 --> 00:30:09,380
Did you, uh, did you
enjoy the pies?
632
00:30:10,240 --> 00:30:12,599
It wasn't a nice-time pie, no.
633
00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:15,799
Which I think is a possible
new catchphrase
634
00:30:15,800 --> 00:30:17,759
to replace "Whole lotta pie!"
635
00:30:17,760 --> 00:30:19,860
Is, uh, "nice-time pie".
636
00:30:20,920 --> 00:30:22,919
I'm sort of intrigued by
you in this, Rois,
637
00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:25,319
because you had a
similar idea to Tim
638
00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:27,899
in that you realised you
couldn't breach the pie,
639
00:30:27,900 --> 00:30:29,279
but someone else could.
640
00:30:29,280 --> 00:30:33,099
But then you sabotaged yourself...
641
00:30:33,100 --> 00:30:35,439
by moving away from Alex
642
00:30:35,440 --> 00:30:38,399
and not looking while
he bit into the pies.
643
00:30:38,400 --> 00:30:40,460
Why were you inventing
your own hurdles?
644
00:30:41,320 --> 00:30:44,619
I thought, if I can see his face eating
the pies, then I'll be able to guess.
645
00:30:44,620 --> 00:30:46,429
And about ten minutes after
we'd finished it, I thought,
646
00:30:46,430 --> 00:30:48,639
"I could've just got him
to smash the pies."
647
00:30:48,640 --> 00:30:50,599
But I enjoyed watching
him eat the pies.
648
00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:52,380
Well, it was a nice-time pie.
649
00:30:54,120 --> 00:30:56,639
Tim, amazing. Straight in. Bam.
650
00:30:56,640 --> 00:30:57,780
Read the small print.
651
00:30:58,600 --> 00:31:01,860
- What is even the point--
- Oh, shut up, man.
652
00:31:02,760 --> 00:31:03,760
What's the problem with this?
653
00:31:03,761 --> 00:31:06,679
I didn't know I could've just said,
"Can you open the pies for me?"
654
00:31:06,680 --> 00:31:08,359
- It's up to Greg, I mean...
- How is that...?
655
00:31:08,360 --> 00:31:11,079
It said "you" can't breach the
pie, it didn't say no one else.
656
00:31:11,080 --> 00:31:13,719
- "You" cannot breach the pie.
- [Tim] It doesn't say "you lot".
657
00:31:13,720 --> 00:31:14,999
[Romesh] This is bullshit, man.
658
00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:17,559
Utter bullshit. Utter bullshit.
659
00:31:17,560 --> 00:31:19,519
I asked Alex if he could do
it for me and he said no.
660
00:31:19,520 --> 00:31:22,279
He said, "But 'cause Tim
is his better friend..."
661
00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:23,080
Did you say that?
662
00:31:23,081 --> 00:31:24,559
Well, it's true,
but I didn't say that.
663
00:31:24,560 --> 00:31:27,039
[he laughs]
664
00:31:27,040 --> 00:31:29,359
It's true. Well, I tell you this,
Tim Key wins that task.
665
00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:30,280
- What?!
- [Greg] Simple as that.
666
00:31:30,281 --> 00:31:33,279
Bam, it's over. Tim Key, the winner,
ladies and gentlemen.
667
00:31:33,280 --> 00:31:36,959
[applause]
668
00:31:36,960 --> 00:31:39,279
Even after this whole
competition was over,
669
00:31:39,280 --> 00:31:41,839
Frank still didn't know what
the toothpaste pie was.
670
00:31:41,840 --> 00:31:43,140
Would you like to see it?
671
00:31:46,160 --> 00:31:48,940
Oh, my God! Milk pie.
672
00:31:50,520 --> 00:31:54,279
Is this a real pie or something
you've put together?
673
00:31:54,280 --> 00:31:55,860
Is that yoghurt pie?
674
00:31:57,920 --> 00:31:59,309
[Alex] Oh, you're eating it!
675
00:31:59,310 --> 00:32:01,479
Well, it tastes just
exactly like mint.
676
00:32:01,480 --> 00:32:03,580
Like extra strong mint pie.
677
00:32:05,440 --> 00:32:07,759
It looks like, um, Tipp-Ex.
678
00:32:07,760 --> 00:32:09,540
Is it mint Tipp-Ex pie?
679
00:32:11,840 --> 00:32:16,239
[laughter and applause]
680
00:32:16,240 --> 00:32:18,319
Even if you'd cut open each pie,
681
00:32:18,320 --> 00:32:21,119
you still may not have known
what was in any of the pies.
682
00:32:21,120 --> 00:32:23,919
It just never occurred to me
for a second, toothpaste.
683
00:32:23,920 --> 00:32:25,020
Clearly.
684
00:32:25,800 --> 00:32:27,319
Alex, how are the scores looking?
685
00:32:27,320 --> 00:32:30,079
Right now, pleasingly,
they're all on odd numbers
686
00:32:30,080 --> 00:32:34,079
and the top two are Roisin
Conaty and Tim Key.
687
00:32:34,080 --> 00:32:36,180
The next task is... here.
688
00:32:53,560 --> 00:32:56,159
"Do something that will look
impressive in reverse."
689
00:32:56,160 --> 00:33:00,679
"The Taskmaster will see whatever
act you perform played backwards."
690
00:33:00,680 --> 00:33:03,439
"You must therefore do
something backwards
691
00:33:03,440 --> 00:33:08,559
that will look impressive when
the footage is played in reverse."
692
00:33:08,560 --> 00:33:10,299
If I jump off a cliff...
693
00:33:10,300 --> 00:33:12,319
I'll jump onto the
top of the cliff.
694
00:33:12,320 --> 00:33:14,059
- [Alex] Is that what you're thinking?
- No.
695
00:33:14,060 --> 00:33:16,820
So I'm gonna do something...
backwards.
696
00:33:17,760 --> 00:33:20,900
I've got an idea...
and it involves water.
697
00:33:24,040 --> 00:33:26,679
I was just on my way to the toilet,
I think, there.
698
00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:28,260
Off for a nice-time pie, were you?
699
00:33:29,280 --> 00:33:30,999
Looking forward to seeing
these films. Who's first?
700
00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:34,039
Um, I think it'd be nice to
see Josh Widdicombe.
701
00:33:34,040 --> 00:33:39,100
[Carl Orff's "O Fortuna" plays]
702
00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:56,540
[laughter and applause]
703
00:34:01,600 --> 00:34:02,879
Incredible.
704
00:34:02,880 --> 00:34:04,620
You weren't playing it in reverse.
705
00:34:06,800 --> 00:34:09,140
Wait till you see that
backwards, mate.
706
00:34:10,520 --> 00:34:12,559
You said it was the most exciting
thing you'd ever done.
707
00:34:12,560 --> 00:34:14,149
No, I didn't!
708
00:34:14,150 --> 00:34:16,639
What a life you've led.
709
00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:20,879
Which, in reality, is being pulled
backwards on a skateboard.
710
00:34:20,880 --> 00:34:23,279
- Did I say that?
- Yeah, you did say it.
711
00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:24,240
Yeah, I stand by it.
712
00:34:24,241 --> 00:34:25,599
That's brilliant, let's
have a look at another.
713
00:34:25,600 --> 00:34:27,639
OK, I've put Tim Key next.
714
00:34:27,640 --> 00:34:30,319
- [Greg] Ahh, lovely.
- [Alex] Different approach, more cerebal.
715
00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:34,300
[clock ticking]
716
00:35:18,560 --> 00:35:24,419
[applause]
717
00:35:24,420 --> 00:35:25,599
Very nice.
718
00:35:25,600 --> 00:35:27,679
There's an obvious question.
Why "MILF"?
719
00:35:27,680 --> 00:35:29,439
It's "FILM" backwards.
720
00:35:29,440 --> 00:35:30,540
It isn't.
721
00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:35,159
It was a jaunty little piece
and I enjoyed it.
722
00:35:35,160 --> 00:35:36,719
- [Roisin] He's good.
- [Greg] Who's next?
723
00:35:36,720 --> 00:35:39,740
Frank next. It's called
Push-Up and Away.
724
00:36:00,240 --> 00:36:04,319
[drum roll]
725
00:36:04,320 --> 00:36:11,300
[canned applause and fanfare]
726
00:36:23,240 --> 00:36:26,900
Just a simple story of
one man's strength.
727
00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:30,679
I thought, seeing it now,
it's quite poor.
728
00:36:30,680 --> 00:36:33,079
[laughter]
729
00:36:33,080 --> 00:36:36,239
When I'd only seen that, when
I'd only seen me doing it,
730
00:36:36,240 --> 00:36:40,599
I thought, "There's no way
anyone will get anywhere near this."
731
00:36:40,600 --> 00:36:43,100
And now I've watched it,
I'm just embarrassed.
732
00:36:44,160 --> 00:36:45,260
It was shit.
733
00:36:46,280 --> 00:36:48,759
Jesus, Frank. Come on, mate.
You're doing alright.
734
00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:50,999
What with this and the toothpaste...
735
00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:53,459
This is the worst night of my life.
736
00:36:53,460 --> 00:36:55,689
You mean the minty Tipp-Ex, right?
737
00:36:55,690 --> 00:36:59,079
- Yeah, the minty Tipp-Ex pie.
- Minty Tipp-Ex...
738
00:36:59,080 --> 00:37:00,359
- [Greg] Let's move on.
- Want to see Roisin's?
739
00:37:00,360 --> 00:37:01,900
- Yes, I do.
- OK, here is Roisin.
740
00:37:03,760 --> 00:37:08,740
[slow piano music]
741
00:37:37,240 --> 00:37:43,259
[applause]
742
00:37:43,260 --> 00:37:46,479
I don't know where to start,
it was so genuinely beautiful.
743
00:37:46,480 --> 00:37:48,279
That was the most beautiful
thing I've ever seen in my life.
744
00:37:48,280 --> 00:37:49,120
Thanks, guys.
745
00:37:49,121 --> 00:37:51,119
What's the significance
of the wolf?
746
00:37:51,120 --> 00:37:52,380
They're thirsty.
747
00:37:53,560 --> 00:37:56,439
I thought it was a standalone
beautiful piece. Who's next?
748
00:37:56,440 --> 00:37:58,359
The final one is called
Tree Wizard,
749
00:37:58,360 --> 00:38:02,239
and it's by Mr Romesh
Ranganathan.
750
00:38:02,240 --> 00:38:04,620
Sounds like we're in for
something else pretty moving.
751
00:38:07,440 --> 00:38:11,599
[Romesh sings] ♪ Tree Wizard, back
from the dead to create some balloons ♪
752
00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:15,959
♪ Tree Wizard, hands together,
he creates a balloon ♪
753
00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:20,679
♪ Tree Wizard has to make sure
he double-checks the balloon ♪
754
00:38:20,680 --> 00:38:25,759
♪ Tree Wizard, oh my God,
it's another balloon ♪
755
00:38:25,760 --> 00:38:30,479
♪ Tree Wizard, how many times
will he check the balloon? ♪
756
00:38:30,480 --> 00:38:35,199
♪ Tree Wizard, magical hands and
holy shit! It's another balloon ♪
757
00:38:35,200 --> 00:38:40,399
♪ Tree Wizard takes position,
what is he gonna do? ♪
758
00:38:40,400 --> 00:38:45,119
♪ Tree Wizard flies up to his tree
and waves goodbye to you ♪
759
00:38:45,120 --> 00:38:48,639
♪ Tree Wizard, Tree Wizard,
Tree Wizard ♪
760
00:38:48,640 --> 00:38:54,620
[cheers and applause]
761
00:38:58,480 --> 00:39:00,839
Well, it wasn't profound, was it?
762
00:39:00,840 --> 00:39:02,309
Are you alright, mate?
763
00:39:02,310 --> 00:39:04,799
Do you know how long it took
me to find that song?
764
00:39:04,800 --> 00:39:07,119
[laughter]
765
00:39:07,120 --> 00:39:09,319
- I thought it was brilliant, mate.
- Thank you.
766
00:39:09,320 --> 00:39:11,149
[Greg] I thought it was
absolutely incredible.
767
00:39:11,150 --> 00:39:13,039
- There, straight compliment.
- Thank you.
768
00:39:13,040 --> 00:39:17,020
I think, with each one you
show, mine gets worse.
769
00:39:19,120 --> 00:39:23,500
It's become apparent that this "reverse
film" thing is a young man's game.
770
00:39:24,600 --> 00:39:26,799
Frank, I'm gonna put in
fourth place, even though--
771
00:39:26,800 --> 00:39:28,359
- [Alex] Fifth, fifth.
- Fifth place.
772
00:39:28,360 --> 00:39:30,599
What-- Oh, whoa!
773
00:39:30,600 --> 00:39:32,519
Oh, I thought for a moment
774
00:39:32,520 --> 00:39:34,900
someone had mentioned
Comic Relief in theirs.
775
00:39:35,680 --> 00:39:38,639
Put above that Tim Key.
776
00:39:38,640 --> 00:39:41,959
It was a jaunty little piece, but it
was just a guy making a jigsaw.
777
00:39:41,960 --> 00:39:44,509
Above that, a powerful
statement about technology,
778
00:39:44,510 --> 00:39:46,199
it's gonna be Josh Widdicombe.
779
00:39:46,200 --> 00:39:48,279
And I cannot separate the
two masterpieces
780
00:39:48,280 --> 00:39:49,799
that I'm putting in first place.
781
00:39:49,800 --> 00:39:52,959
Roisin and Romesh, our
winners for this round.
782
00:39:52,960 --> 00:39:55,039
[applause]
783
00:39:55,040 --> 00:39:56,849
Join us for the final
part of Taskmaster,
784
00:39:56,850 --> 00:40:00,279
where all five comedians will be
participating in one final task
785
00:40:00,280 --> 00:40:02,980
here, on the stage, fully naked.
786
00:40:11,760 --> 00:40:13,839
Welcome back to the final
section of Taskmaster,
787
00:40:13,840 --> 00:40:15,959
where all five of our
comedians are desperate
788
00:40:15,960 --> 00:40:18,599
to take home Roisin's massive
bottle of champagne.
789
00:40:18,600 --> 00:40:20,519
[Greg] Alex, who has the
most hope at this stage?
790
00:40:20,520 --> 00:40:24,159
Well, the top three.
Josh has 13 points,
791
00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:27,419
Tim Key and Roisin Conaty
both have 16 points.
792
00:40:27,420 --> 00:40:31,599
[applause]
793
00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:33,359
You will have noticed
that our comedians
794
00:40:33,360 --> 00:40:36,399
are currently shackled
to a bench. I did that.
795
00:40:36,400 --> 00:40:40,039
Frank Skinner, would you
please read out the final task?
796
00:40:40,040 --> 00:40:42,639
"Crack the code, unshackle yourself,
797
00:40:42,640 --> 00:40:46,599
and sprint one metre. Fastest wins."
798
00:40:46,600 --> 00:40:51,119
I like the fact that I had
to add, "Fastest wins."
799
00:40:51,120 --> 00:40:53,519
A lot of people would've
just guessed that.
800
00:40:53,520 --> 00:40:55,479
- Are you ready?
- [Josh] Is there no clue?
801
00:40:55,480 --> 00:40:57,079
How many possibilities are there?
802
00:40:57,080 --> 00:40:58,040
Uh, it's 10,000.
803
00:40:58,041 --> 00:41:00,759
But in the Olympics, you don't
get a clue, you just have to...
804
00:41:00,760 --> 00:41:02,660
This isn't in the Olympics!
805
00:41:03,520 --> 00:41:05,239
- Not yet.
- Not yet. Thank you, Frank.
806
00:41:05,240 --> 00:41:07,119
[Greg] There may be clues as
we move on, let's see.
807
00:41:07,120 --> 00:41:08,519
This is a farce.
808
00:41:08,520 --> 00:41:11,700
- Your time starts... [blows whistle]
- [Greg] We're off!
809
00:41:13,920 --> 00:41:15,799
He's got a plan, he's got a plan.
810
00:41:15,800 --> 00:41:18,759
He's trying nought,
nought, zero, one.
811
00:41:18,760 --> 00:41:21,039
He's gonna go up... all the way.
812
00:41:21,040 --> 00:41:22,759
[Josh] Oh, fuck this.
I'm just gambling.
813
00:41:22,760 --> 00:41:24,159
- [Tim] Alex?
- [Alex] Alex Horne?
814
00:41:24,160 --> 00:41:25,000
[Tim] Can I have a clue?
815
00:41:25,001 --> 00:41:29,279
A clue? Ah, yes. The first
two digits are my weight.
816
00:41:29,280 --> 00:41:31,479
- [Josh] In what?
- In what? Exactly.
817
00:41:31,480 --> 00:41:33,560
- [Tim] Numbers.
- [Alex] In numbers. Thank you, Tim.
818
00:41:34,600 --> 00:41:36,959
In... stone.
819
00:41:36,960 --> 00:41:37,480
Stone.
820
00:41:37,481 --> 00:41:39,559
[Josh] Oh, for Christ's sake.
821
00:41:39,560 --> 00:41:42,300
- [Greg] Alex's weight in stone.
- 14? Don't think so!
822
00:41:43,440 --> 00:41:44,879
Can you give us the second clue?
823
00:41:44,880 --> 00:41:47,820
The second one is a two-digit
number between nought and 99.
824
00:41:49,280 --> 00:41:51,919
What do you think the
second one will be?
825
00:41:51,920 --> 00:41:54,319
- This is cruel.
- [Tim] Is it your weight, Greg?
826
00:41:54,320 --> 00:41:55,959
It is my weight in stone.
827
00:41:55,960 --> 00:41:58,599
[Alex] I was 13 stone.
They all got that.
828
00:41:58,600 --> 00:41:59,759
- [Tim] Greg?
- Yeah?
829
00:41:59,760 --> 00:42:00,860
[Tim] What do you weigh?
830
00:42:02,160 --> 00:42:04,439
[Frank] Is it Greg's weight,
or was that some sort of a--
831
00:42:04,440 --> 00:42:05,639
[Roisin] Ah!
832
00:42:05,640 --> 00:42:10,879
[cheers and applause]
833
00:42:10,880 --> 00:42:13,539
[Alex] That's right! That's right!
834
00:42:13,540 --> 00:42:19,340
[applause]
835
00:42:22,240 --> 00:42:25,940
[cheers and applause]
836
00:42:28,760 --> 00:42:31,119
[cheers and applause]
837
00:42:31,120 --> 00:42:32,969
[Alex] It's now a race for last place
838
00:42:32,970 --> 00:42:34,780
between Tim Key and Frank Skinner...
839
00:42:36,200 --> 00:42:37,160
[Tim] Yes!
840
00:42:37,161 --> 00:42:39,940
[applause]
841
00:42:43,800 --> 00:42:46,999
Is this gonna be shown
backwards, this bit?
842
00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:48,900
[laughter]
843
00:42:50,200 --> 00:42:51,929
[Alex] He's more than 20 stone.
844
00:42:51,930 --> 00:42:54,039
[Frank] No, he's more than 20 stone?
845
00:42:54,040 --> 00:42:55,180
[Alex] Yes he is, yeah.
846
00:42:56,040 --> 00:43:02,740
[cheers and applause]
847
00:43:09,480 --> 00:43:10,721
Join me back on the floor.
848
00:43:10,722 --> 00:43:13,500
Let's find out how those have
affected the final scores.
849
00:43:18,160 --> 00:43:20,239
OK, Alex. Can you just confirm
who won that task?
850
00:43:20,240 --> 00:43:24,039
Roisin burst through the line first.
851
00:43:24,040 --> 00:43:25,159
There was a bit of skulduggery.
852
00:43:25,160 --> 00:43:28,039
Tim and Josh both looked
at her cracked code,
853
00:43:28,040 --> 00:43:29,479
but there's nothing wrong
with that, necessarily.
854
00:43:29,480 --> 00:43:30,660
Classic Tim.
855
00:43:32,240 --> 00:43:33,699
Josh did that one as well.
856
00:43:33,700 --> 00:43:37,439
I know, I can't believe you've
enticed me to the Dark Side.
857
00:43:37,440 --> 00:43:39,799
[they laugh]
858
00:43:39,800 --> 00:43:42,740
OK, here we go. It's time
for the final scores.
859
00:43:43,480 --> 00:43:45,279
- Alex?
- Yes, Greg?
860
00:43:45,280 --> 00:43:46,759
Tell us the final scores.
861
00:43:46,760 --> 00:43:49,799
OK, the final scores,
as you can see...
862
00:43:49,800 --> 00:43:52,539
Roisin Conaty is this week's winner.
863
00:43:52,540 --> 00:43:54,439
[Greg] Roisin Conaty.
864
00:43:54,440 --> 00:43:56,759
[applause]
865
00:43:56,760 --> 00:43:58,119
Congratulations, Roisin.
866
00:43:58,120 --> 00:43:59,799
A powerful victory.
How do you feel?
867
00:43:59,800 --> 00:44:01,079
Like a hero.
868
00:44:01,080 --> 00:44:03,719
Fine. Thank you to all our
wonderful contestants.
869
00:44:03,720 --> 00:44:07,159
Thank you to Alex Horne,
half the man I am.
870
00:44:07,160 --> 00:44:08,559
And congratulations, Roisin.
871
00:44:08,560 --> 00:44:11,599
You may now go and collect
your wonderful prizes.
872
00:44:11,600 --> 00:44:16,439
Ladies and gentlemen, this week's
winner, Roisin Conaty!
873
00:44:16,440 --> 00:44:19,279
[applause]
874
00:44:19,280 --> 00:44:20,839
That's it for this week,
and remember,
875
00:44:20,840 --> 00:44:23,239
if you try, and lose,
then it isn't your fault.
876
00:44:23,240 --> 00:44:26,519
But if you don't try, and we lose,
then it's all your fault.
877
00:44:26,520 --> 00:44:28,674
I don't know what that means.
878
00:44:28,675 --> 00:44:30,050
Good night.
879
00:44:32,360 --> 00:44:35,700
[subtitles by tribbletown]