1
00:00:33,060 --> 00:00:37,040
Thank you for the clapping. I'm Greg
Davies and this is Taskmaster.
2
00:00:37,040 --> 00:00:40,310
It's the semi-final, which means
our five contestants are
3
00:00:40,310 --> 00:00:43,200
running out of time to win
crucial Taskmaster points.
4
00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:44,970
Points that could change
their lives forever.
5
00:00:44,970 --> 00:00:48,220
Whoever wins this series
is guaranteed immortality
6
00:00:48,220 --> 00:00:51,170
through the title of series
champion of Taskmaster.
7
00:00:51,170 --> 00:00:55,260
So let's meet the people still clinging
on to the hope of winning this...
8
00:00:55,260 --> 00:00:57,660
almighty cranium.
9
00:00:57,660 --> 00:01:01,750
With an average
professional age of 41,
10
00:01:01,750 --> 00:01:04,150
our contenders are...
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00:01:04,150 --> 00:01:05,900
Aisling Bea!
12
00:01:07,040 --> 00:01:09,040
Bob Mortimer!
13
00:01:09,040 --> 00:01:10,840
Mark Watson!
14
00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:13,200
Nish Kumar!
15
00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:14,910
And Sally Phillips!
16
00:01:17,600 --> 00:01:20,730
And forever needlessly loitering,
17
00:01:20,730 --> 00:01:23,420
little Alex Horne!
18
00:01:23,420 --> 00:01:26,380
Thank you. Thank you.
19
00:01:27,330 --> 00:01:28,240
Thank you.
20
00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:30,860
You are looking
especially smug tonight.
21
00:01:30,860 --> 00:01:32,620
Thank you. It's a compliment.
22
00:01:32,620 --> 00:01:35,200
I am, I've had a good day.
I've a big day.
23
00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:37,930
I've made some home improvements
to the place where you let me live.
24
00:01:37,930 --> 00:01:38,750
Yep.
25
00:01:38,750 --> 00:01:43,200
And I've found out you can put a
loo roll dispenser in any room.
26
00:01:44,110 --> 00:01:46,400
Any room. It doesn't have
to be in the toilet.
27
00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:48,200
So I've got one in the kitchen,
I've got one in the car.
28
00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:50,550
I've got one here.
So I've just, um...
29
00:01:50,550 --> 00:01:52,330
- It's... I just feel very...
- Oh, he has.
30
00:01:52,330 --> 00:01:54,000
What are you planning
to use that for?
31
00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:56,040
It's just in case, isn't it?
32
00:01:56,040 --> 00:01:57,140
If, I mean...
33
00:01:58,220 --> 00:02:00,970
If you make mess here, I'm gonna
clear it up with your beard.
34
00:02:03,750 --> 00:02:04,930
- What is...
- Yes?
35
00:02:04,930 --> 00:02:06,220
the prize category this week?
36
00:02:06,220 --> 00:02:07,910
Great question. Well, it's a big one.
37
00:02:07,910 --> 00:02:08,910
Drum roll, please.
38
00:02:09,820 --> 00:02:12,770
Today we've asked them...
39
00:02:12,770 --> 00:02:17,220
Today we've asked them to bring in the
most surprisingly expensive item.
40
00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:18,710
- Surprisingly expensive.
- Surprisingly.
41
00:02:18,710 --> 00:02:20,730
So it's up to you, Greg,
as the Taskmaster,
42
00:02:20,730 --> 00:02:24,130
to decide who has brought in the
most surprisingly expensive item.
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00:02:24,130 --> 00:02:25,840
At the end of the show, the
person with the most points
44
00:02:25,840 --> 00:02:28,840
will get to take home all the
surprisingly expensive items.
45
00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:31,240
OK, so we'll find out
how much they cost,
46
00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:33,260
and then I'll look at your face to
see how surprised you were.
47
00:02:33,260 --> 00:02:35,170
- That's the system.
- That works, doesn't it?
48
00:02:35,170 --> 00:02:37,620
Who shall we start with?
Drum roll, please.
49
00:02:44,770 --> 00:02:46,200
Aisling Bea!
50
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:49,320
Oh, I won. I can't believe I won!
51
00:02:50,370 --> 00:02:55,170
There was this one occasion
where I had to fly to Belfast
52
00:02:55,170 --> 00:02:57,240
at six o'clock in the morning,
53
00:02:57,240 --> 00:03:01,080
and I had 13 minutes before
I had to get on the flight.
54
00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:06,370
And I was so tired that I bought
access for a 13-minute nap
55
00:03:06,370 --> 00:03:09,640
to the business lounge
in Belfast Airport.
56
00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:10,260
OK.
57
00:03:10,260 --> 00:03:14,680
So, for a minute to the pound, it was the
most expensive thing I've ever bought.
58
00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:16,220
We can see the voucher.
59
00:03:16,220 --> 00:03:18,510
How surprising the
business lounge costs?
60
00:03:18,510 --> 00:03:20,340
Yeah, it's for the Causeway Lounge,
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00:03:20,340 --> 00:03:22,440
complimentary access
at Belfast Airport.
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00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:26,200
How much do you think complimentary access
to the Causeway Lounge would cost?
63
00:03:27,150 --> 00:03:29,370
Well, all I can say is
how much I would pay,
64
00:03:29,370 --> 00:03:32,370
and I would pay £40.
65
00:03:32,370 --> 00:03:34,170
Oh. Oh.
66
00:03:34,170 --> 00:03:35,860
It cost £25.
67
00:03:35,860 --> 00:03:37,570
Shall I do my facial reaction to that?
68
00:03:37,570 --> 00:03:38,700
OK, let's have a look.
69
00:03:41,280 --> 00:03:42,880
- OK, do you want to move on to Nish?
- Yes, please.
70
00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:43,730
OK, Nish?
71
00:03:43,730 --> 00:03:46,970
I have brought in 100 Euros
72
00:03:46,970 --> 00:03:51,983
because it is surprisingly expensive
now to buy 100 Euros.
73
00:03:51,983 --> 00:03:54,600
Well, let's see how
surprising it is.
74
00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:55,210
OK.
75
00:03:55,210 --> 00:03:57,200
- I travel to Spain regularly...
- Yes, you do.
76
00:03:57,200 --> 00:04:00,400
and I would have guessed, late 80s?
I would have said it was worth...
77
00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:01,710
No, it's 91.
78
00:04:01,710 --> 00:04:03,220
- I would have said 88.
- Yeah, it's 91.
79
00:04:03,220 --> 00:04:05,000
- So I'll give you my surprised face.
- OK.
80
00:04:06,020 --> 00:04:07,350
Oh.
81
00:04:07,350 --> 00:04:08,350
Who's next?
82
00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:10,450
- What about Bob?
- Bob.
83
00:04:10,450 --> 00:04:11,040
Bob?
84
00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:14,740
Hi, I've brought in my
World Cup 2014...
85
00:04:15,770 --> 00:04:17,570
football player sticker book.
86
00:04:17,570 --> 00:04:19,660
- Let's have a look at it.
- Yes, there it is.
87
00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:21,550
Very nice.
88
00:04:21,550 --> 00:04:24,640
It would cost an average of £374
to fill the whole thing.
89
00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:27,820
Like if you get lucky, £68 is the
minimum you can spend,
90
00:04:27,820 --> 00:04:29,510
but the average person
spends nearly 400 quid.
91
00:04:29,510 --> 00:04:32,710
I'm gonna say that that is worth...
92
00:04:33,420 --> 00:04:34,730
twenty English pounds.
93
00:04:34,730 --> 00:04:36,840
We've had it valued at
ten English pounds.
94
00:04:38,750 --> 00:04:39,620
Who's next?
95
00:04:39,620 --> 00:04:41,170
Sally Phillips.
96
00:04:41,170 --> 00:04:43,710
I've brought you a human turd.
97
00:04:45,750 --> 00:04:48,110
OK, let's just go straight
to the face, shall we?
98
00:04:50,750 --> 00:04:52,750
I've brought you one of
Bob Mortimer's turds.
99
00:04:52,750 --> 00:04:53,860
- Wow.
- Yeah.
100
00:04:53,860 --> 00:04:55,950
This is gonna take some
unravelling, isn't it?
101
00:04:56,660 --> 00:04:59,530
It's going to be
professionally dried out
102
00:04:59,530 --> 00:05:02,420
and placed within a resin sphere.
103
00:05:02,420 --> 00:05:06,460
And be just like one of the exhibits in the
National Poo Museum on the Isle of Wight.
104
00:05:06,460 --> 00:05:07,800
That's all correct.
105
00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:10,310
So I've brought an example...
106
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:11,400
This is what it will look like.
107
00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:14,460
This is a fox one, which most
closely resembles a human one.
108
00:05:15,260 --> 00:05:17,240
Oh dear.
109
00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:19,840
How much do you think the whole
process of freeze-drying it
110
00:05:19,840 --> 00:05:21,510
and then turning it into
a resin ball would cost?
111
00:05:21,510 --> 00:05:23,710
£199.
112
00:05:23,710 --> 00:05:24,860
Get ready for my reaction.
113
00:05:24,860 --> 00:05:27,620
Here it says the process
would cost him £800.
114
00:05:30,350 --> 00:05:32,150
£800 to do a fox poo.
115
00:05:32,150 --> 00:05:33,370
But this is a Mortimer poo.
116
00:05:33,370 --> 00:05:37,000
His conservative estimate,
the value of Bob's poo,
117
00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:40,860
er, yeah, is between 10 and 15 k.
118
00:05:44,130 --> 00:05:46,190
- We'll milk me!
- I see.
119
00:05:46,190 --> 00:05:48,040
Can I have one too?
120
00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:51,040
- No, that's the last I'm giving away.
- He's a gold machine!
121
00:05:52,170 --> 00:05:53,400
Who's left? Mark?
122
00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:55,930
Mine's a gate where my kids...
123
00:05:55,930 --> 00:05:57,200
- A what, sorry?
- A gate.
124
00:05:57,200 --> 00:05:58,770
- A gate?
- A garden gate, yes.
125
00:05:58,770 --> 00:06:02,110
My kids like to the play in
the garden and it adjoins
126
00:06:02,110 --> 00:06:04,280
one of those sort of communal
gardens that you get.
127
00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:06,220
- We can see it.
- We've got an image of it, I think.
128
00:06:06,220 --> 00:06:07,260
So it's that.
129
00:06:07,260 --> 00:06:11,620
Right, let's not mess around.
£88 for the gate. Labour, £75.
130
00:06:11,620 --> 00:06:13,400
I've written down here £18,000.
131
00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:14,510
Yes, um...
132
00:06:14,510 --> 00:06:16,090
- What?
- What?!
133
00:06:17,640 --> 00:06:20,240
He looks like he's gonna throw up!
134
00:06:27,930 --> 00:06:32,130
The communal garden is jointly sort of
owned by a residents' association,
135
00:06:32,130 --> 00:06:34,750
so it turns out, if you want
a gate that goes onto it,
136
00:06:34,750 --> 00:06:39,710
you have to pay a three-year fee to
join that residents' association.
137
00:06:39,710 --> 00:06:42,388
This is like madness, Mark.
138
00:06:42,388 --> 00:06:44,710
So when we win this prize,
do we win access to the
139
00:06:44,710 --> 00:06:46,710
- garden as well?
- The funny thing is, yes you do.
140
00:06:48,280 --> 00:06:49,800
What is your decision?
141
00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:51,350
This is my decision.
142
00:06:51,350 --> 00:06:54,370
I've got a television, so I know how
much the Euro's worth, Nish.
143
00:06:54,370 --> 00:06:59,750
Congratulations, you take your special,
traditional role as coming last.
144
00:07:00,860 --> 00:07:04,730
Aisling and Bob, I was quite surprised
by the actual final prices.
145
00:07:04,730 --> 00:07:07,770
I didn't realise how much they'd spent
per minute napping or per sticker.
146
00:07:07,770 --> 00:07:11,510
I might, if it's alright,
I might put them joint next,
147
00:07:11,510 --> 00:07:14,710
and I can't believe it,
I don't know why I'm putting
148
00:07:14,710 --> 00:07:17,550
Bob Mortimer's turd in
second place, but I am.
149
00:07:17,550 --> 00:07:19,680
I'm gonna put it in second
place 'cause I've just
150
00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:23,280
seen the hurt in Mark
"£18,000 Gate" Watson's eyes.
151
00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:24,570
Oh, I need this. I need this.
152
00:07:24,570 --> 00:07:27,350
So I have to give him to it.
Mark Watson wins this round.
153
00:07:27,350 --> 00:07:30,710
OK, and we're off. Five points.
154
00:07:30,710 --> 00:07:32,370
Right, we're rolling!
What's first?
155
00:07:32,370 --> 00:07:35,120
It's this task, precisely, here.
156
00:07:46,910 --> 00:07:48,240
Hello, Bob.
157
00:07:48,240 --> 00:07:49,660
Hello, Alex.
158
00:07:49,660 --> 00:07:50,530
Hello, Aisling.
159
00:07:50,530 --> 00:07:52,630
Why have you brought me to
this bloody shithole?
160
00:07:54,770 --> 00:07:56,400
Please can I put a
blindfold on you?
161
00:07:58,860 --> 00:08:00,370
I can't see a thing now,
unfortunately.
162
00:08:00,370 --> 00:08:01,550
How many fingers am I
holding up, Mark?
163
00:08:01,550 --> 00:08:04,200
Ah, that's a good example.
I can't see that, for example.
164
00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:04,970
Ten?
165
00:08:04,970 --> 00:08:05,600
Great.
166
00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:07,025
It was just one.
167
00:08:07,025 --> 00:08:09,480
Well, it is just one, so now
I don't know what to do.
168
00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:12,080
Alright, we're gonna
go for a little walk.
169
00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:12,510
OK.
170
00:08:12,510 --> 00:08:15,230
- I'm gonna hold your hand, is that alright?
- I'd love that. Thanks.
171
00:08:16,170 --> 00:08:18,900
Just a little jump here.
With me, one, two three...
172
00:08:18,900 --> 00:08:20,840
That's it, and a really
big jump now.
173
00:08:20,840 --> 00:08:21,460
Yeah.
174
00:08:21,460 --> 00:08:22,770
Go.
175
00:08:22,770 --> 00:08:24,360
That's better.
176
00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:25,730
Bit higher.
177
00:08:25,730 --> 00:08:26,480
That's it.
178
00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:27,580
Some bread.
179
00:08:28,510 --> 00:08:30,000
Are you gonna ask me
to feed the ducks?
180
00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:32,310
"Wearing that blindfold
at all times..."
181
00:08:32,310 --> 00:08:33,150
Yes?
182
00:08:33,150 --> 00:08:36,260
"travel as far as possible
in three minutes."
183
00:08:36,260 --> 00:08:38,860
"Alex will be at your
side at all times
184
00:08:38,860 --> 00:08:42,110
because he is a strong,
independent, handsome man."
185
00:08:42,110 --> 00:08:45,480
Right, OK. I feel like that...
You've thrown that in.
186
00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:46,020
Thank you.
187
00:08:46,020 --> 00:08:49,460
"On removing the blindfold, you will
then have another three minutes
188
00:08:49,460 --> 00:08:53,440
to retrace your steps to
your starting position."
189
00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:55,260
- That's here.
- Oh, right.
190
00:08:55,260 --> 00:08:59,130
"Longest successful retracing
of steps wins."
191
00:08:59,130 --> 00:09:01,640
Erm, do I have to keep my
feet on the ground?
192
00:09:06,170 --> 00:09:08,860
Yes, she had a tactic. Some of
them did, some of them didn't.
193
00:09:08,860 --> 00:09:09,480
Yep.
194
00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:10,480
The idea...
195
00:09:11,820 --> 00:09:14,710
was pretty good. They had three
minutes to get as far as they could.
196
00:09:14,710 --> 00:09:17,240
But they had to get back to exactly
the same spot where they started.
197
00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:19,140
So you could just take one
step in the three minutes.
198
00:09:19,140 --> 00:09:19,730
Oh.
199
00:09:19,730 --> 00:09:20,770
And you'd get back to
where you were,
200
00:09:20,770 --> 00:09:24,030
- but that's not a very long distance.
- It's not a very long distance, no.
201
00:09:26,420 --> 00:09:27,550
OK?
202
00:09:27,550 --> 00:09:31,880
Which of our highly intelligent
gang are we gonna see first?
203
00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:33,510
Well, we're gonna save
Sally for a bit.
204
00:09:35,060 --> 00:09:36,330
We're gonna start with Bob.
205
00:09:36,330 --> 00:09:37,700
Are you ready?
206
00:09:39,710 --> 00:09:40,570
Good.
207
00:09:40,570 --> 00:09:42,530
Your time...
208
00:09:42,530 --> 00:09:44,930
Your time starts...
209
00:09:44,930 --> 00:09:47,480
Well, I'm gonna put
a piece of bread.
210
00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:50,135
I'm gonna take what I think
is the bottom of it off.
211
00:09:50,135 --> 00:09:52,180
Quite like the idea
of having this...
212
00:09:53,570 --> 00:09:54,670
shape.
213
00:09:55,820 --> 00:09:56,860
One...
214
00:09:56,860 --> 00:09:58,740
No, I'll take four...
215
00:10:00,750 --> 00:10:02,240
Drops a bit of bread.
216
00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:04,800
I'm doing it very traditionally
here, I suppose, but...
217
00:10:05,860 --> 00:10:07,570
I can't think of any other way.
218
00:10:16,370 --> 00:10:17,825
I'm gonna remain here.
219
00:10:17,825 --> 00:10:19,860
- You've got 30 seconds.
- Oh, fucking...
220
00:10:19,860 --> 00:10:21,900
I didn't come through there!
221
00:10:21,900 --> 00:10:23,750
You've got three minutes
to retrace your steps.
222
00:10:23,750 --> 00:10:24,440
Thank you.
223
00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:25,540
Your time starts now, Bob.
224
00:10:28,180 --> 00:10:29,200
Oh, fuck.
225
00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:31,050
I could never have got
through there.
226
00:10:33,110 --> 00:10:36,180
One, two, three, four, five.
227
00:10:36,480 --> 00:10:39,520
One, two, three, four, five.
228
00:10:42,970 --> 00:10:44,570
Have you retraced
your steps, Bob?
229
00:10:44,570 --> 00:10:45,670
I have.
230
00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:52,370
And that is where
I wish to be buried!
231
00:10:52,370 --> 00:10:54,850
There you are, that comes
with age and experience.
232
00:11:00,130 --> 00:11:03,365
That, I believe, is the traditional cry
of the Middlesbrough peat man.
233
00:11:03,365 --> 00:11:04,850
Bury me!
234
00:11:05,570 --> 00:11:07,970
It was like a little adventure,
that. It was great.
235
00:11:07,970 --> 00:11:10,550
Yeah, you did very well.
You travelled 54 metres
236
00:11:10,550 --> 00:11:13,170
and got back to pretty much
exactly the right spot.
237
00:11:13,170 --> 00:11:14,460
You could do what you
wanted with the bread,
238
00:11:14,460 --> 00:11:16,040
but you left a trail and
that seemed to work.
239
00:11:16,040 --> 00:11:17,730
Yeah, who wouldn't leave a trail?
240
00:11:17,730 --> 00:11:19,880
Oh, I imagine most of them...
241
00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,130
Let's stop there for now.
242
00:11:21,130 --> 00:11:23,910
You have three minutes to do
something valuable with your life.
243
00:11:23,910 --> 00:11:25,230
Goodbye for now.
244
00:11:36,310 --> 00:11:38,200
Hello, and, um...
245
00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:39,300
Welcome back.
246
00:11:42,130 --> 00:11:46,360
It's part two and Alex is just
desperate to fill us in on the latest.
247
00:11:46,360 --> 00:11:47,260
Thank you, Greg.
248
00:11:47,260 --> 00:11:50,660
So, the current task involves getting
as far as you can whilst blindfolded,
249
00:11:50,660 --> 00:11:52,130
and then retracing your steps.
250
00:11:52,130 --> 00:11:54,185
Bob made it look easy.
251
00:11:54,185 --> 00:11:56,150
Shall we see Mark and Aisling next?
252
00:11:56,150 --> 00:11:57,730
- Yes, let's.
- OK.
253
00:11:58,680 --> 00:12:01,260
I think the only way
to do this, really,
254
00:12:01,260 --> 00:12:04,440
is to walk in what I believe to
be a completely straight line.
255
00:12:04,440 --> 00:12:06,530
But already, that's not
very nice, is it?
256
00:12:06,530 --> 00:12:08,750
OK, Alex. How's your back?
257
00:12:08,750 --> 00:12:09,530
Here we go.
258
00:12:09,530 --> 00:12:11,020
OK.
259
00:12:11,020 --> 00:12:13,310
Go straight that way.
260
00:12:13,310 --> 00:12:14,150
OK.
261
00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:17,940
What's the slice of bread for?
Is that just one of those things?
262
00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:22,060
Ah, breadcrumbs. I could leave
a trail of breadcrumbs.
263
00:12:22,060 --> 00:12:23,310
Put me down for a second.
264
00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:27,120
I've just realised the
point of the toast.
265
00:12:28,420 --> 00:12:31,320
I should've put the toast
down where I started.
266
00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:33,350
You've got one minute
and ten seconds to go.
267
00:12:33,350 --> 00:12:36,470
Right, in that case, time to be
more liberal with the bread.
268
00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:40,410
Ow! Ow, ow!
269
00:12:41,420 --> 00:12:42,830
Put bread.
270
00:12:42,830 --> 00:12:45,215
Just be aware, now, I would.
271
00:12:45,215 --> 00:12:46,710
Yes, I see what you mean.
272
00:12:46,710 --> 00:12:48,710
Well, I don't see anything at all.
273
00:12:49,550 --> 00:12:51,770
That was so tiring.
274
00:12:51,770 --> 00:12:52,770
Was it?
275
00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:56,820
Thank God I have these handy
little crumbs to keep me...
276
00:12:56,820 --> 00:12:58,875
So when I blow the whistle,
you've got three minutes...
277
00:12:58,875 --> 00:13:01,280
to work out where we started from.
278
00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:04,000
Now, where's the bread?
279
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:05,100
Where's the bread?
280
00:13:05,970 --> 00:13:08,595
Alright, dog?
281
00:13:08,595 --> 00:13:13,670
I found this old Quavers
bag full of water.
282
00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:15,900
We must be close.
283
00:13:17,220 --> 00:13:19,260
Is that where you think
you started?
284
00:13:19,260 --> 00:13:21,150
Well, roughly.
285
00:13:21,150 --> 00:13:22,200
Why roughly?
286
00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:25,680
Because the blindfold made it very
hard to know, in all fairness.
287
00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:27,285
- This is where we started, is it?
- Yep.
288
00:13:27,285 --> 00:13:28,400
Thank you, Aisling.
289
00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:30,280
- Thank you, Alex.
- Goodbye.
290
00:13:35,730 --> 00:13:38,310
I love to see Alex
physically punished.
291
00:13:38,310 --> 00:13:39,040
Of course.
292
00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:40,860
So that was a big tick
in your favour,
293
00:13:40,860 --> 00:13:43,310
but the bread realisation came late.
294
00:13:43,310 --> 00:13:45,750
Yes, and I did actually have a
little munch at the start, as well,
295
00:13:45,750 --> 00:13:47,770
just to have enough
energy for the task.
296
00:13:47,770 --> 00:13:49,750
So I didn't have much toast left.
297
00:13:49,750 --> 00:13:51,710
It was the furthest I've ever
carried an adult.
298
00:13:51,710 --> 00:13:53,350
My previous record was 120 metres.
299
00:13:53,350 --> 00:13:55,770
I had to take an aunt across
a car park at a wedding.
300
00:13:56,930 --> 00:13:58,800
We can see on the map how
far I carried Aisling.
301
00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:01,860
OK, she travelled 200 metres.
302
00:14:01,860 --> 00:14:03,480
That's where she started, down there,
303
00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:06,750
and then she sort of staggered
back that direction,
304
00:14:06,750 --> 00:14:07,820
but didn't quite get far enough.
305
00:14:07,820 --> 00:14:10,640
So she ended up only 64 metres
away from the starting point.
306
00:14:10,640 --> 00:14:12,840
- Oh, but in the right direction.
- In the right direction.
307
00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:15,060
Which, in life, is not bad.
308
00:14:15,060 --> 00:14:17,080
- And we can compare that to Mark.
- Not bad at all.
309
00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:19,970
Mark walked 70 metres south-west.
310
00:14:19,970 --> 00:14:20,970
He then should've gone north-east,
311
00:14:20,970 --> 00:14:22,260
but he carried on going south.
312
00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:28,200
So he ended up 140 metres
away from the start.
313
00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:30,310
As you saw, I couldn't
find any of the bread,
314
00:14:30,310 --> 00:14:32,190
but it makes sense.
It's 'cause it wasn't there.
315
00:14:32,950 --> 00:14:36,060
It wasn't there because,
and this is incredible, Mark,
316
00:14:36,060 --> 00:14:39,000
and absolutely indicative
of your luck on this show,
317
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:40,510
your bread was eaten by a dog.
318
00:14:43,570 --> 00:14:44,310
Who's next?
319
00:14:44,310 --> 00:14:48,130
Next are two of our most
intelligent individuals,
320
00:14:48,130 --> 00:14:50,155
Sally and Nish.
321
00:14:52,510 --> 00:14:54,500
Oh, God. I wish I was
confident enough to run.
322
00:14:55,510 --> 00:14:56,510
Oh, you're running.
323
00:15:01,970 --> 00:15:03,500
There was a ditch there, Nish.
324
00:15:05,570 --> 00:15:07,516
Yeah, a bit rougher ground here.
325
00:15:08,770 --> 00:15:09,970
Forty. I'm counting my steps.
326
00:15:09,970 --> 00:15:11,840
41, 42, 43...
327
00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:14,455
- 61, 62, 63, 64...
- I have to warn you-- Stop!
328
00:15:14,455 --> 00:15:16,820
Sixty-seven and then
turn to the right.
329
00:15:16,820 --> 00:15:19,550
One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven...
330
00:15:23,930 --> 00:15:25,500
Is this bread for any purpose?
331
00:15:26,330 --> 00:15:27,710
Bit bumpy here.
332
00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:31,350
Ten more seconds. Be careful.
333
00:15:31,350 --> 00:15:32,600
Ow, ow, ow, ow!
334
00:15:35,460 --> 00:15:38,820
OK, you've got three minutes to get
back to your starting position.
335
00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:46,685
Oh.
336
00:15:46,685 --> 00:15:48,440
I've literally no...
337
00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:50,280
I think I got to here and stopped.
338
00:15:50,280 --> 00:15:51,860
Yes, this where you stopped. Yes.
339
00:16:05,550 --> 00:16:06,650
I think it's over...
340
00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:10,140
Did, like...?
341
00:16:14,660 --> 00:16:16,250
You've got one minute left, Nish.
342
00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:25,800
OK, I think I didn't go that far.
343
00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:26,900
I think it was...
344
00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:28,780
Hmm.
345
00:16:29,510 --> 00:16:31,470
You've got ten more seconds, Sally.
346
00:16:39,510 --> 00:16:41,040
Why did I not use the bread?
347
00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:46,450
Well, I just want to start by asking you
both a very specific question.
348
00:16:46,450 --> 00:16:48,950
So what did you think
the bread was for?
349
00:16:48,950 --> 00:16:51,240
Holding, Gregory.
350
00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:52,110
Sally?
351
00:16:52,110 --> 00:16:54,680
Right at the end, I went,
352
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:56,860
"Shit, I should have used
this as a compass!"
353
00:16:59,040 --> 00:17:02,570
I think the thing that startled
me about you, Nish,
354
00:17:02,570 --> 00:17:06,655
is if you've got a pet dog at
home and you blow in its face,
355
00:17:06,655 --> 00:17:09,020
it absolutely baffles the dog,
356
00:17:09,020 --> 00:17:10,710
absolutely confuses it,
357
00:17:10,710 --> 00:17:14,370
and that was Nish's face
throughout this entire task.
358
00:17:14,370 --> 00:17:16,220
The bread seemed to weigh you down,
'cause when you walked,
359
00:17:16,220 --> 00:17:17,950
you just went in a circle.
360
00:17:17,950 --> 00:17:20,980
You took 300 paces, but
travelled 15 metres.
361
00:17:21,770 --> 00:17:23,600
- Do you wanna see some stats?
- Yeah.
362
00:17:23,600 --> 00:17:27,260
Sally travelled 220 metres and then
headed back in the right direction.
363
00:17:27,260 --> 00:17:29,910
She ended up just 74 metres away.
364
00:17:29,910 --> 00:17:31,460
- What?!
- So, not too bad.
365
00:17:31,460 --> 00:17:32,950
- She ran all over.
- Oh, my God.
366
00:17:32,950 --> 00:17:34,910
- But more by luck than judgment.
- That's really good.
367
00:17:34,910 --> 00:17:35,910
Yeah.
368
00:17:37,930 --> 00:17:40,570
Nish ended up just 15 metres
from the starting point,
369
00:17:40,570 --> 00:17:43,770
and then walked 180 metres
370
00:17:43,770 --> 00:17:45,110
in the wrong direction.
371
00:17:45,110 --> 00:17:48,600
Ended up 195 metres away.
372
00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:49,930
But it's one point to
Nish, two to Mark,
373
00:17:49,930 --> 00:17:52,211
three to Sally, four to Aisling,
and five to Bob Mortimer.
374
00:17:56,820 --> 00:17:59,770
Let's take our first look at the score-
board at this juncture, Alex.
375
00:17:59,770 --> 00:18:01,680
OK, there's a three-way tie
for second place,
376
00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:04,370
and Bob is one point ahead
of them. There we go.
377
00:18:09,110 --> 00:18:10,510
Alex Horne, what's next?
378
00:18:10,510 --> 00:18:12,930
OK, we're going to have
our equivalent,
379
00:18:12,930 --> 00:18:15,760
the Taskmaster equivalent
of the Winter Olympics.
380
00:18:27,510 --> 00:18:28,995
Oh, shit.
381
00:18:31,020 --> 00:18:32,315
Uh-oh!
382
00:18:32,315 --> 00:18:35,550
I already know I'm going
to be brilliant at this!
383
00:18:35,550 --> 00:18:38,565
Well, I dunno, really. I don't
know about this already.
384
00:18:38,565 --> 00:18:40,420
This looks scary.
385
00:18:40,420 --> 00:18:41,570
Hello, Bob.
386
00:18:41,570 --> 00:18:42,670
Hi there.
387
00:18:44,970 --> 00:18:48,400
"Muster the biggest coconut
bobsleigh team."
388
00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:52,310
"Most coconut bobsleigh team
members still on board..."
389
00:18:52,310 --> 00:18:55,560
"when their bobsleigh
comes to a halt wins."
390
00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:59,640
"You may only use items in the caravan
to secure your coconuts."
391
00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:01,600
"You will be disqualified--"
That's interesting.
392
00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:05,060
"You will be disqualified if you use any
item used by another contestant."
393
00:19:05,060 --> 00:19:07,910
Impossible to know what they've
used, though, of course.
394
00:19:07,910 --> 00:19:11,060
"You have 20 minutes and one attempt."
395
00:19:11,060 --> 00:19:13,150
"Your time starts now."
396
00:19:13,150 --> 00:19:14,440
To the caravan!
397
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:21,700
It is amazing how some
games on this show
398
00:19:21,700 --> 00:19:25,910
can just give us a brief window into
the souls of the competitors.
399
00:19:25,910 --> 00:19:28,000
I've written down everything
that they said.
400
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,220
Bob said nothing, he just
got on with it.
401
00:19:30,220 --> 00:19:33,570
Aisling said, "I already know I'm
going to be brilliant at this!"
402
00:19:33,570 --> 00:19:35,060
which is incredible.
403
00:19:35,060 --> 00:19:37,600
Mark said, "Oh, I don't
know about this."
404
00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:39,530
Sally said, "This looks scary."
405
00:19:39,530 --> 00:19:41,530
And Nish went, "Oh, shit!"
406
00:19:43,020 --> 00:19:44,460
Who are we gonna see first?
407
00:19:44,460 --> 00:19:45,750
We're gonna have a
look, first of all,
408
00:19:45,750 --> 00:19:48,200
just to see how to do it,
Mark Watson.
409
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:49,300
Oh dear.
410
00:19:52,950 --> 00:19:55,730
By coincidence, there's a
coconut harness in here.
411
00:19:55,730 --> 00:19:59,840
If you deployed this correctly, you could
put quite a lot of coconuts in it
412
00:19:59,840 --> 00:20:01,950
and tape it to the skateboard.
413
00:20:01,950 --> 00:20:03,680
This is like a prisoner's
dilemma or something.
414
00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:06,640
We might think everyone's gonna
do it and then no one does it.
415
00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:08,480
Right, let's think about this.
Still plenty of time.
416
00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:09,580
Er...
417
00:20:10,550 --> 00:20:12,050
There's an apron here, I don't...
418
00:20:12,930 --> 00:20:14,030
Ah, Blu Tack!
419
00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:16,400
I've found some blue tape.
420
00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:18,800
It is basically about going
completely virgin
421
00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:21,130
and just shoving all the coconuts
on and hoping for the best,
422
00:20:21,130 --> 00:20:22,700
which is not the worst way of doing it.
423
00:20:27,220 --> 00:20:29,150
Oh, there we go.
Now that's what we don't...
424
00:20:29,150 --> 00:20:30,600
That's what we don't want to happen.
425
00:20:42,350 --> 00:20:44,840
I mean, that's more than you'd have
in a real bobsleigh team, I think.
426
00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:46,360
Oh, this is heavy.
427
00:20:46,360 --> 00:20:49,210
It mustn't upturn. If it upturns,
we do have a problem.
428
00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:54,970
And stay on, stay on,
stay on, stay on!
429
00:20:54,970 --> 00:20:55,970
Stay on!
430
00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:00,400
Pfft, I'll take it. I'll take it.
431
00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:01,800
Well done, boys.
432
00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:05,550
If anyone gets disqualified,
then I've beaten them.
433
00:21:05,550 --> 00:21:07,040
Well, thank you, Mark.
434
00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:08,740
Well, thank you for
the opportunity.
435
00:21:08,740 --> 00:21:10,000
Bye-bye.
436
00:21:13,330 --> 00:21:16,600
Pretty powerful motivational
shit you were shouting there.
437
00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:19,060
I had the idea that more of them
would stay on if I yelled at them.
438
00:21:19,060 --> 00:21:20,820
We'll never know, 'cause we
didn't do a trial experiment.
439
00:21:20,820 --> 00:21:22,330
Just "stay on", as well. Stay on, stay on
440
00:21:22,330 --> 00:21:25,220
Stay on, stay on. Sometimes I say it
to myself when I'm just trying to...
441
00:21:26,330 --> 00:21:28,020
I should say, it didn't have
to cross the finishing line,
442
00:21:28,020 --> 00:21:29,570
it's when the skateboard
came to a halt.
443
00:21:29,570 --> 00:21:30,130
Yeah.
444
00:21:30,130 --> 00:21:32,240
Nevertheless, yeah, he put 19 on.
445
00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:33,710
The harness would have held 18.
446
00:21:33,710 --> 00:21:34,150
Yeah.
447
00:21:34,150 --> 00:21:36,200
- Two stayed on.
- I admit it is not a great score.
448
00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:37,730
- But I...
- We'll see.
449
00:21:37,730 --> 00:21:38,950
It's a score, though.
450
00:21:38,950 --> 00:21:42,220
Any score. I'm hoping that
maybe someone didn't do that.
451
00:21:42,220 --> 00:21:43,130
Beep!
452
00:21:43,130 --> 00:21:45,400
Yes, that's the end of part two.
453
00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:46,500
Bye!
454
00:22:05,150 --> 00:22:06,170
Part three, Alex?
455
00:22:07,620 --> 00:22:08,680
Thank you, Greg. That's right.
456
00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:10,110
Hello, my name is Alex Horne.
457
00:22:10,110 --> 00:22:11,660
I'm gonna be 40 next year.
458
00:22:13,510 --> 00:22:15,910
The brave contestants are trying
to send as many coconuts
459
00:22:15,910 --> 00:22:17,950
down a ramp, on a skateboard,
as possible.
460
00:22:17,950 --> 00:22:21,680
To have the most coconuts on
the board once it's come to a stop.
461
00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:24,840
But if they use the same caravan-based
items to secure their coconuts
462
00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:26,910
as anyone else, they're
gonna be disqualified.
463
00:22:26,910 --> 00:22:28,700
We're gonna see Nish
and Aisling now.
464
00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:32,820
Whoa.
465
00:22:32,820 --> 00:22:34,330
Can I put the coconuts
in this thing?
466
00:22:34,330 --> 00:22:34,970
What is that?
467
00:22:34,970 --> 00:22:36,150
It's a coconut harness.
468
00:22:36,150 --> 00:22:37,260
I suppose so.
469
00:22:37,260 --> 00:22:39,510
How do I know if other people
have used it already?
470
00:22:39,510 --> 00:22:41,080
Do you think they might use
the coconut harness?
471
00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:43,330
Yeah, I think they're probably
gonna use the coconut harness.
472
00:22:43,330 --> 00:22:45,110
I'm definitely gonna use...
473
00:22:45,110 --> 00:22:48,495
some of this fire hydrant stuff.
474
00:22:48,495 --> 00:22:50,620
That'll be sticky, won't it, Alex?
475
00:22:51,820 --> 00:22:53,970
But what if someone has used this?
476
00:22:53,970 --> 00:22:55,850
Oh, God!
477
00:22:55,850 --> 00:22:57,880
This game is so hard!
478
00:22:57,880 --> 00:23:02,020
So I'm creating a larger
surface area, Alex,
479
00:23:02,020 --> 00:23:03,270
to put the coconuts on.
480
00:23:04,930 --> 00:23:06,970
I assume that's fine, Alex?
481
00:23:06,970 --> 00:23:08,460
As long as no one else uses it.
482
00:23:08,460 --> 00:23:09,930
God, I hate this game!
483
00:23:15,420 --> 00:23:18,440
I just wanna make, like,
a sort of barrier...
484
00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:20,680
so the coconuts don't fall off.
485
00:23:20,680 --> 00:23:21,960
So it's a banana barrier.
486
00:23:23,370 --> 00:23:24,470
Doesn't quite fit.
487
00:23:25,310 --> 00:23:26,480
How's this work, then?
488
00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:28,120
"Pull off the ring."
489
00:23:28,120 --> 00:23:30,970
"Use upright, aim at base of fire."
490
00:23:30,970 --> 00:23:32,070
See how that works.
491
00:23:33,310 --> 00:23:35,000
I think--
492
00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:38,020
Quick, get it on the thing!
Don't waste it on that!
493
00:23:40,510 --> 00:23:42,880
Ah, Alex, you've ruined it.
494
00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:44,650
Oh, God! It's so heavy!
495
00:23:47,910 --> 00:23:49,200
It is bloody heavy.
496
00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:52,240
Oh, God. Oh, it's gonna...
not gonna work.
497
00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:53,340
Argh!
498
00:23:54,370 --> 00:23:57,200
We have the classic underdog.
499
00:23:57,200 --> 00:23:59,300
Sometimes, in life...
500
00:24:00,770 --> 00:24:02,080
you have to dare to dream!
501
00:24:09,350 --> 00:24:13,110
For Ireland... is the greatest
bobsleigh country...
502
00:24:13,110 --> 00:24:16,950
in the wo-o-o-o-orld!
503
00:24:17,750 --> 00:24:19,150
Come on, lads!
504
00:24:19,150 --> 00:24:20,250
Keep going!
505
00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:23,570
Ireland's the greatest country...
506
00:24:23,570 --> 00:24:26,695
in the wooorld.
507
00:24:26,695 --> 00:24:28,930
ooorld.
508
00:24:28,930 --> 00:24:30,570
Yeeaah!
509
00:24:38,260 --> 00:24:39,750
Well, she said she would
be good at it,
510
00:24:39,750 --> 00:24:41,970
and I thought Aisling
absolutely smashed that.
511
00:24:41,970 --> 00:24:43,060
Yeah.
512
00:24:43,060 --> 00:24:44,820
Thanks, Greg. Compliment.
513
00:24:44,820 --> 00:24:49,200
I think that is the first ever
use of the banana barrier.
514
00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:52,880
I think you may own the banana barrier.
515
00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:55,240
It also is biodegradable, edible.
516
00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:56,800
After you've finished
using it for anything,
517
00:24:56,800 --> 00:24:58,880
you just go back and go...
518
00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:00,330
Eat it.
519
00:25:00,330 --> 00:25:01,370
You do.
520
00:25:01,370 --> 00:25:02,420
- Nish.
- Nish.
521
00:25:02,420 --> 00:25:03,260
Yes, hello.
522
00:25:03,260 --> 00:25:05,840
What a great achievement
I had, as well.
523
00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:06,330
Yeah.
524
00:25:06,330 --> 00:25:08,660
It started off brilliantly. It looked like
you were gonna get the whole team down.
525
00:25:08,660 --> 00:25:12,130
It wasn't bad, either. He put 35 in.
No one so far has used the same item.
526
00:25:12,130 --> 00:25:14,060
Thirteen stayed on. Unlucky 13.
527
00:25:14,060 --> 00:25:14,570
Yeah.
528
00:25:14,570 --> 00:25:16,260
Thirteen alive?
529
00:25:16,260 --> 00:25:17,660
Thirteen alive. Unlucky number.
530
00:25:17,660 --> 00:25:19,080
And how many, sorry,
did Aisling get?
531
00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:20,080
Fourteen.
532
00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:23,185
Oooh, suspense, Nishi.
533
00:25:23,185 --> 00:25:26,710
You should have held your
boys in with fruit.
534
00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:30,280
- Not the first time that's been said to me.
- Gotta use the banana barrier, guys.
535
00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:31,550
Who are we gonna see now, Alex?
536
00:25:31,550 --> 00:25:33,640
Bob and Sally now.
537
00:25:33,640 --> 00:25:34,840
Woo!
538
00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:36,540
- Only one attempt?
- Yeah.
539
00:25:37,730 --> 00:25:39,770
So I can't test this on there.
540
00:25:39,770 --> 00:25:43,710
You can test, but when you're actually
doing your attempt, that will be the one.
541
00:25:43,710 --> 00:25:45,750
OK, I might just... I might just...
542
00:25:45,750 --> 00:25:46,850
I might just...
543
00:26:01,110 --> 00:26:02,700
Gonna have a look in the caravan.
544
00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:06,310
Well, I have a plan, people.
I have a plan.
545
00:26:10,350 --> 00:26:13,820
Coconut harness.
Yeah, it's so tempting.
546
00:26:13,820 --> 00:26:16,730
"If I use that, I'm disqualified."
Everyone will think that.
547
00:26:16,730 --> 00:26:18,480
So should I just use it?
548
00:26:18,480 --> 00:26:21,110
And we can all move on, you know?
549
00:26:21,110 --> 00:26:24,240
Oh, I don't know whether I should just do
this one and not try to be clever.
550
00:26:24,240 --> 00:26:26,540
OK... I've got a plan.
551
00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:32,280
Have you taken down my curtain?
552
00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:33,380
Yeah.
553
00:26:37,750 --> 00:26:40,660
Now I'm thinking everyone's
gonna use the curtain.
554
00:26:45,110 --> 00:26:46,510
So they're going in the curtain.
555
00:26:46,510 --> 00:26:48,100
Yeah. I mean, yeah.
556
00:26:49,530 --> 00:26:51,110
Ooh, they are heavy.
557
00:26:51,110 --> 00:26:52,540
Shit!
558
00:26:54,570 --> 00:26:57,030
Oh, we've lost two!
559
00:26:59,020 --> 00:27:00,470
- Good luck, Bob.
- Thank you.
560
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:04,700
It's not me being shithouse.
I can't get any...
561
00:27:23,930 --> 00:27:25,635
That's my attempt.
562
00:27:25,635 --> 00:27:27,010
Thanks, Bob.
563
00:27:28,020 --> 00:27:30,640
I see myself coming down that ramp
564
00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:34,660
with all the coconuts in a
beige velour curtain bag
565
00:27:34,660 --> 00:27:37,080
like some kind of sick Santa.
566
00:27:37,080 --> 00:27:39,280
- Uh-oh.
- Oh, no!
567
00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:40,280
Right.
568
00:27:45,060 --> 00:27:46,510
Yes. OK.
569
00:27:50,680 --> 00:27:52,210
Right, now...
570
00:27:53,420 --> 00:27:55,700
Just need to... Here we go...
571
00:28:03,510 --> 00:28:06,170
Ye-e-e-e-es!
572
00:28:08,950 --> 00:28:12,220
I mean, that has got to stick
in your craw, hasn't it?
573
00:28:12,220 --> 00:28:12,770
Soz.
574
00:28:12,770 --> 00:28:14,370
- Honestly, I'm just thrilled...
- Sorry.
575
00:28:14,370 --> 00:28:16,580
that my mind works, sometimes,
576
00:28:16,580 --> 00:28:19,680
in the same way as the
venerable Bob Mortimer.
577
00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:22,170
Hey, Greg, but would you
have allowed it?
578
00:28:22,170 --> 00:28:23,600
Would I have allowed yours?
579
00:28:24,350 --> 00:28:25,730
Either of them.
580
00:28:25,730 --> 00:28:26,930
I would have allowed Sally's.
581
00:28:26,930 --> 00:28:28,880
The coconuts were on
the skateboard.
582
00:28:28,880 --> 00:28:30,680
And mine were beside
the skateboard.
583
00:28:32,200 --> 00:28:33,400
I get you.
584
00:28:33,400 --> 00:28:35,200
Sometimes my job gets done
for me, doesn't it?
585
00:28:36,820 --> 00:28:38,840
It does mean that Bob and Sally
don't get any points for that.
586
00:28:38,840 --> 00:28:40,510
Then it goes Mark with three,
Nish with four,
587
00:28:40,510 --> 00:28:42,200
- Aisling Bea wins the task!
- Boom!
588
00:28:46,930 --> 00:28:48,280
What do we have coming
up next, Alex?
589
00:28:48,280 --> 00:28:50,330
I'm afraid we're gonna mess
with Nish's brain again.
590
00:28:50,330 --> 00:28:52,000
It's another bloody referendum.
591
00:29:13,710 --> 00:29:15,170
Oh.
592
00:29:15,170 --> 00:29:16,880
Just trying to look
natural on camera.
593
00:29:21,750 --> 00:29:23,760
This does not look authorised.
594
00:29:32,950 --> 00:29:37,260
"Vote for which contestant you think
should receive five bonus points."
595
00:29:37,260 --> 00:29:42,200
"The contestant who receives the most votes
will receive five bonus points."
596
00:29:42,200 --> 00:29:44,170
"You may vote for yourself."
597
00:29:44,170 --> 00:29:48,330
"If, however, you vote for yourself
and fail to receive most votes,
598
00:29:48,330 --> 00:29:50,380
you will lose two points."
599
00:29:51,420 --> 00:29:53,350
Ah, there's a polling
booth there. Lucky.
600
00:29:53,350 --> 00:29:54,805
That's convenient, actually.
601
00:29:54,805 --> 00:29:57,170
See, if I vote for myself...
602
00:29:57,170 --> 00:29:58,440
I'm at risk.
603
00:29:58,440 --> 00:30:00,110
But on the other hand...
604
00:30:00,110 --> 00:30:03,400
I do think I should receive
all the bonus points.
605
00:30:03,400 --> 00:30:05,200
The guys will all vote
for themselves,
606
00:30:05,200 --> 00:30:10,240
except... Bob, who is
a kind of wild card.
607
00:30:10,240 --> 00:30:12,910
And Aisling and I will vote
for other people.
608
00:30:18,950 --> 00:30:20,050
Passed my vote.
609
00:30:21,620 --> 00:30:23,080
Done.
610
00:30:23,080 --> 00:30:24,310
Democracy.
611
00:30:29,460 --> 00:30:32,150
So they're voting for someone
to get five bonus points.
612
00:30:32,150 --> 00:30:34,860
I guess the tactic is to vote for who
you think is the weakest person,
613
00:30:34,860 --> 00:30:36,570
- to improve their score.
- Yep.
614
00:30:36,570 --> 00:30:38,460
Sally voted for Bob,
Bob voted for Sally.
615
00:30:38,460 --> 00:30:40,750
- That's nice.
- Aww!
616
00:30:40,750 --> 00:30:42,750
Aisling also voted for Sally.
617
00:30:42,750 --> 00:30:43,260
Aww.
618
00:30:43,260 --> 00:30:45,440
So far, so true. So far no one's
voted for themselves.
619
00:30:45,440 --> 00:30:46,880
- Yeah, but...
- What do you think Mark and Nish did?
620
00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:47,880
I mean...
621
00:30:49,080 --> 00:30:51,840
They voted for themselves.
Exactly what Sally said came true.
622
00:30:51,840 --> 00:30:54,220
Sally gets five points.
They both lose two points.
623
00:30:56,950 --> 00:30:58,050
It was incredible.
624
00:30:59,330 --> 00:31:01,530
The scoreboard now looks
very even. It looks like this.
625
00:31:01,530 --> 00:31:03,260
Sally and Aisling are
both at the top,
626
00:31:03,260 --> 00:31:04,620
followed by Mark and Bob,
627
00:31:04,620 --> 00:31:05,570
and there's Nish.
628
00:31:05,570 --> 00:31:07,020
There we go. The scoreboard.
629
00:31:09,660 --> 00:31:12,970
That is fast becoming the
subtitle of this series.
630
00:31:12,970 --> 00:31:14,650
- "And there's Nish."
- "And there's Nish."
631
00:31:15,730 --> 00:31:17,260
OK, we've got time for
another one, right?
632
00:31:17,260 --> 00:31:19,180
Jolly good. Here you go.
633
00:31:30,940 --> 00:31:31,860
Bonjour, Alex.
634
00:31:31,860 --> 00:31:33,130
Hello, Aisling.
635
00:31:33,130 --> 00:31:36,580
Oh, right, fine. Don't reply in
the language I came in with.
636
00:31:38,020 --> 00:31:39,280
Hello, Sally.
637
00:31:39,280 --> 00:31:41,400
Hi. Is this an art task?
638
00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:42,910
I'm wearing day-of-the-week socks.
639
00:31:42,910 --> 00:31:44,150
But it's the wrong day.
640
00:31:44,150 --> 00:31:46,020
I don't give an S.
641
00:31:46,020 --> 00:31:47,410
Primary school.
642
00:31:47,410 --> 00:31:49,150
- Feeling. Vibe.
- OK.
643
00:31:49,150 --> 00:31:49,860
Just saying.
644
00:31:49,860 --> 00:31:51,130
Was it a happy time?
645
00:31:51,130 --> 00:31:52,480
- For me?
- Yeah.
646
00:31:52,480 --> 00:31:54,200
My first day wasn't.
647
00:31:54,200 --> 00:31:56,130
Someone had done a poo
in the sandpit.
648
00:32:00,550 --> 00:32:02,885
"Make a funny little flick-book film."
649
00:32:02,885 --> 00:32:05,430
"The mat beneath your feet..."
650
00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:08,080
"is the paper."
651
00:32:08,080 --> 00:32:11,110
"The camera above your head will
take photos of your paper."
652
00:32:11,110 --> 00:32:14,350
"Funniest little flick-book film wins."
653
00:32:14,350 --> 00:32:16,020
"You have one hour."
654
00:32:16,020 --> 00:32:17,830
"Now flick the flick-book."
655
00:32:22,150 --> 00:32:24,660
"Your time start... Your time sta..."
656
00:32:24,660 --> 00:32:27,805
"Your time s... Your time... Y."
657
00:32:27,805 --> 00:32:29,750
I did it backwards, didn't I, Alex?
658
00:32:33,860 --> 00:32:35,280
Er, who shat in the sandpit?
659
00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:37,130
I'll never know.
660
00:32:37,130 --> 00:32:38,840
I remember it was sweet.
661
00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:40,950
That's all I remember.
662
00:32:40,950 --> 00:32:43,880
I mean, at that age, something brown
and cylindrical, it's going in.
663
00:32:43,880 --> 00:32:45,750
Pop it in.
664
00:32:45,750 --> 00:32:47,770
So, uh, we're gonna see Bob's first,
665
00:32:47,770 --> 00:32:51,480
who did an instructional video
on how to peel a banana.
666
00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:22,110
That was amazing! I fucking loved that.
667
00:33:22,110 --> 00:33:23,880
We have, of course, made it
into a flick-book. There it is.
668
00:33:23,880 --> 00:33:25,240
- Wanna have a go?
- That's a work of art.
669
00:33:25,240 --> 00:33:27,970
- That is...
- It's technically excellent.
670
00:33:27,970 --> 00:33:29,950
Really satisfying, Bob.
671
00:33:29,950 --> 00:33:31,930
It really was exceptional.
Who's next?
672
00:33:31,930 --> 00:33:34,650
Uh, do you want to see Sally's one?
673
00:33:34,650 --> 00:33:36,960
- Oh, yes.
- OK, this is Sally's.
674
00:33:39,480 --> 00:33:43,080
Le chat boing-boing.
Le chat boing-boing.
675
00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:45,220
Le chat boing-boing.
676
00:33:45,220 --> 00:33:48,950
Les chapeaux! Uh-oh,
attention, chapeaux!
677
00:33:48,950 --> 00:33:51,750
Ils sont dangereux. Oh, non!
678
00:33:51,750 --> 00:33:53,150
Oh, non, petit chat!
679
00:33:53,150 --> 00:33:54,400
Les chapeaux!
680
00:33:56,240 --> 00:34:00,400
Le chat a été mangé par
les chapeaux. Uh-oh!
681
00:34:00,400 --> 00:34:01,750
Fin.
682
00:34:06,310 --> 00:34:09,020
Do you want me to... I could translate
it while you look at the flick.
683
00:34:09,020 --> 00:34:11,570
My French is not all that, so if you
could translate it into English,
684
00:34:11,570 --> 00:34:13,280
I think I'd get a full
understanding of the film.
685
00:34:13,280 --> 00:34:15,800
"The cat is boing-boing. The cat is boing-
boing. The cat is boing-boing."
686
00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:17,930
"The hat. Uh-oh, watch out for the hats!
The hats are dangerous."
687
00:34:17,930 --> 00:34:19,110
"Oh, no, little cat! The hats!"
688
00:34:19,110 --> 00:34:21,310
"The cat has been eaten
by the hats. Uh-oh."
689
00:34:21,310 --> 00:34:23,570
It's better in French, isn't it?
690
00:34:23,570 --> 00:34:25,740
- End?
- End? Oh, sorry. End.
691
00:34:25,740 --> 00:34:28,640
And if you eat bananas, the
chat definitely boing-boings.
692
00:34:29,640 --> 00:34:30,860
Right, quick break.
693
00:34:30,860 --> 00:34:33,480
One part to go, and that
features a live task,
694
00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:35,480
so until then, or perhaps for ever,
695
00:34:35,480 --> 00:34:36,580
goodbye, everyone.
696
00:34:48,730 --> 00:34:50,970
Hello. Welcome back to every
single one of you.
697
00:34:50,970 --> 00:34:52,950
Alex, what were we doing
before the break?
698
00:34:52,950 --> 00:34:54,910
We were having a good old flick.
699
00:34:54,910 --> 00:34:56,570
Who's next?
700
00:34:56,570 --> 00:34:58,480
Do you want to have a
look at Aisling's?
701
00:34:58,480 --> 00:35:00,710
- Yes, please.
- OK, this is more complicated.
702
00:35:00,710 --> 00:35:01,810
Hmm.
703
00:35:40,080 --> 00:35:41,630
It is complicated.
704
00:35:43,220 --> 00:35:45,750
I want to, if I may, drill
down into the narrative,
705
00:35:45,750 --> 00:35:48,000
because I do think
this is an allegory.
706
00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:48,660
Yes.
707
00:35:48,660 --> 00:35:52,600
My perception is that
you think that love
708
00:35:52,600 --> 00:35:55,470
is jumping at the wrong man
709
00:35:56,730 --> 00:35:59,310
him deflecting you
710
00:35:59,310 --> 00:36:03,295
and, by chance, you ending in
the arms of the right man,
711
00:36:03,295 --> 00:36:05,820
and then you're forced to eat shit.
712
00:36:07,770 --> 00:36:10,680
Yeah, that's actually it. Yeah.
713
00:36:10,680 --> 00:36:14,495
Ring my mother, she'll tell you that's
pretty much my relationship history.
714
00:36:14,495 --> 00:36:16,400
Because when you meet the
right guy, you think,
715
00:36:16,400 --> 00:36:18,200
"Oh, this is gonna be great.
This is gonna be amazing."
716
00:36:18,200 --> 00:36:20,280
And they're like, "No, I brought
all my past issues."
717
00:36:23,260 --> 00:36:24,680
In the form of dog shit.
718
00:36:24,680 --> 00:36:27,330
Yeah, yeah, yeah, from this
other bitch I was seeing.
719
00:36:29,040 --> 00:36:30,080
Who's next, Alex?
720
00:36:30,080 --> 00:36:30,940
Two left to see,
721
00:36:30,940 --> 00:36:33,990
and the first of the last to
see is Mark Watson.
722
00:37:27,550 --> 00:37:30,320
Well, you should all know
that Mark and Alex
723
00:37:30,320 --> 00:37:32,420
have been friends for 20 years, so...
724
00:37:32,420 --> 00:37:33,970
And most of it's been like that.
725
00:37:33,970 --> 00:37:35,710
Yeah, some real beauty there.
726
00:37:35,710 --> 00:37:38,260
It was a very simple story of
friends getting together,
727
00:37:38,260 --> 00:37:42,240
sharing some experiences, falling out
because of the selfishness of one of them,
728
00:37:42,240 --> 00:37:44,170
and then that friend atoning for it.
729
00:37:44,170 --> 00:37:46,060
You atoned with a kiwi fruit.
730
00:37:46,060 --> 00:37:47,510
Atoned with a kiwi fruit,
the traditional method.
731
00:37:47,510 --> 00:37:49,840
- And you ate the kiwi fruit together.
- We did, yeah.
732
00:37:49,840 --> 00:37:53,440
I don't know, were there slight
homoerotic undertones?
733
00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:54,000
Slight?
734
00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:56,550
Well, that kind of stuff does really
well at the box office, so yeah.
735
00:37:56,550 --> 00:37:57,200
Oh, OK.
736
00:37:57,200 --> 00:37:58,330
I thought it was really touching,
737
00:37:58,330 --> 00:38:00,650
and I loved the way we could
see your pants all throughout.
738
00:38:01,460 --> 00:38:03,460
Le chat dans le pantalons.
739
00:38:05,480 --> 00:38:08,280
We are gonna see the chat one
more time now, if that's alright?
740
00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:08,660
Yeah.
741
00:38:08,660 --> 00:38:09,970
We're gonna see the final film, Nish,
742
00:38:09,970 --> 00:38:12,620
who did feature le chatty boing-boing.
743
00:38:12,620 --> 00:38:13,150
Oui.
744
00:38:13,150 --> 00:38:14,250
Here it is.
745
00:38:47,020 --> 00:38:48,180
Où est le chat?!
746
00:38:48,910 --> 00:38:51,420
Le est dans le Nish.
747
00:38:52,330 --> 00:38:55,570
Oh, that is an absolutely
savage piece of filmmaking.
748
00:38:56,730 --> 00:38:58,880
I can barely separate them.
749
00:38:58,880 --> 00:39:00,620
- But if I had to...
- Which you do.
750
00:39:00,620 --> 00:39:02,180
Purely on artistic merit,
751
00:39:02,180 --> 00:39:04,860
if I were to give
two films the edge,
752
00:39:04,860 --> 00:39:08,000
I would give Bob and Nish's
pieces of work the edge.
753
00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:09,280
They were technically
very proficient.
754
00:39:09,280 --> 00:39:11,260
- So five points to both of them?
- I would give five points to them.
755
00:39:11,260 --> 00:39:14,200
Then the other three,
who I also hugely enjoyed,
756
00:39:14,200 --> 00:39:15,480
I would give three points each.
757
00:39:15,480 --> 00:39:16,060
Oh!
758
00:39:16,060 --> 00:39:18,220
OK, so we've got two first places,
and three third places.
759
00:39:18,220 --> 00:39:19,780
That's how it works.
Three third places.
760
00:39:23,000 --> 00:39:24,320
Oh, God, d'you know what?
761
00:39:26,060 --> 00:39:28,170
I've just been wondering,
what are the series scores like?
762
00:39:28,170 --> 00:39:29,930
I thought you might mean that.
Well, I've got them here.
763
00:39:29,930 --> 00:39:32,370
It is tight. We've got
Nish Kumar on 90.
764
00:39:32,370 --> 00:39:32,800
Yes!
765
00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:34,750
And then we jump up a bit.
We've got Sally...
766
00:39:37,420 --> 00:39:39,040
Sally's on 112.
767
00:39:40,570 --> 00:39:45,660
Aisling on 114, Mark 115,
Bob 117. It's within five points.
768
00:39:45,660 --> 00:39:47,880
Within five, and then Nish.
769
00:39:50,420 --> 00:39:53,400
- It's between Aisling and Sally in this episode.
- Let's have a look.
770
00:39:53,400 --> 00:39:56,480
15 points each at this
stage. One task to go.
771
00:39:59,240 --> 00:40:02,180
Please head to the stage for
the final task of the show!
772
00:40:10,930 --> 00:40:11,930
Hello, Greg.
773
00:40:11,930 --> 00:40:13,330
Hello, Alex.
774
00:40:13,330 --> 00:40:16,770
Would you please tell me who's going
to read out tonight's final task?
775
00:40:16,770 --> 00:40:18,700
It's gonna be Aisling Bea.
776
00:40:19,840 --> 00:40:20,940
Thank you, sir.
777
00:40:23,930 --> 00:40:25,205
Perfect.
778
00:40:25,205 --> 00:40:29,225
"Send the most things
to the Taskmaster."
779
00:40:29,225 --> 00:40:35,400
"Items must travel via zip line and land on
your segment of the Taskmaster's table."
780
00:40:35,400 --> 00:40:40,260
"You may not move from your
current position."
781
00:40:40,260 --> 00:40:40,710
Yeah.
782
00:40:40,710 --> 00:40:42,310
"You have..."
783
00:40:42,310 --> 00:40:44,060
"100 seconds!"
784
00:40:44,060 --> 00:40:45,800
OK, yeah, I'll blow the
whistle to start.
785
00:40:45,800 --> 00:40:47,750
It was very dramatic.
It was very dramatic.
786
00:40:47,750 --> 00:40:49,640
I realise I'm not a very
dramatic person, yeah.
787
00:40:49,640 --> 00:40:52,570
OK, so you've got 100
seconds. Good luck.
788
00:40:52,570 --> 00:40:54,200
Your time starts...
789
00:40:56,480 --> 00:40:58,600
Stay on the mat, please,
Aisling. Stay on the mat.
790
00:40:58,600 --> 00:41:00,570
- Do stay on the mat, please, Bob.
- Sorry.
791
00:41:00,570 --> 00:41:02,740
Do stay on the mat.
Do stay on the mat.
792
00:41:03,550 --> 00:41:05,460
Oh, what? How's he done that?!
793
00:41:05,460 --> 00:41:07,030
Bob Mortimer, basket in.
794
00:41:07,910 --> 00:41:11,130
Oh, we've got a problem here.
Oh, you must stay on the mat.
795
00:41:11,130 --> 00:41:12,480
- Yes?
- Can I get the wire?
796
00:41:12,480 --> 00:41:15,530
Real problems here. She let go of it,
but she must stay on the mat.
797
00:41:15,530 --> 00:41:17,580
Come on, the bra! No!
798
00:41:22,240 --> 00:41:23,340
Fuck off!
799
00:41:28,040 --> 00:41:29,460
She's on the mat.
800
00:41:32,510 --> 00:41:35,440
You've 35 seconds left,
35 seconds left!
801
00:41:35,440 --> 00:41:37,170
- Come on, shoe!
- The shoe's on!
802
00:41:37,170 --> 00:41:40,570
Damn you! Damn you,
I'll see you in hell!
803
00:41:42,640 --> 00:41:46,200
Why can't I get the coat hanger
on there? Come on, you prick!
804
00:41:48,480 --> 00:41:50,280
They must travel
via the zip wire.
805
00:41:50,280 --> 00:41:51,460
Stay on your mat, please, Aisling.
806
00:41:51,460 --> 00:41:53,060
- Come on, you prick!
- Stay on your mat, Aisling.
807
00:41:53,060 --> 00:41:54,570
Stay on your mat. Stay on your mat.
808
00:41:54,570 --> 00:41:56,350
You stupid monkey prick!
809
00:41:57,080 --> 00:41:58,840
You've got five seconds left.
810
00:41:58,840 --> 00:42:00,200
You've got three seconds left.
811
00:42:00,200 --> 00:42:03,600
Two, one...
812
00:42:07,550 --> 00:42:10,450
Come down and we'll see how
that's affected the final scores!
813
00:42:16,820 --> 00:42:17,920
Well...
814
00:42:19,130 --> 00:42:21,130
Varying degrees of skill there, Alex.
815
00:42:21,130 --> 00:42:23,170
I was very concerned for
your safety, Greg.
816
00:42:23,170 --> 00:42:24,880
Yes, so was I, Nish.
817
00:42:26,200 --> 00:42:28,640
Sometimes you get caught up
in the heat of the moment
818
00:42:28,640 --> 00:42:31,280
and you chuck a coconut
at a massive white dude.
819
00:42:32,770 --> 00:42:35,020
Unacceptable. Nul points.
820
00:42:35,020 --> 00:42:37,640
Um, I thought it was a
lovely juxtaposition.
821
00:42:37,640 --> 00:42:43,200
At one point, Bob was just very
delicately sending paper clips down.
822
00:42:43,200 --> 00:42:48,040
And very effectively. And just
to his right, Aisling was shouting,
823
00:42:48,040 --> 00:42:49,660
"Get down there, you monkey prick."
824
00:42:51,750 --> 00:42:53,710
Um, how did Mark do?
825
00:42:53,710 --> 00:42:56,040
Er, Mark did pretty well.
He got five things down.
826
00:42:56,040 --> 00:42:58,220
He started with the... How did you
get the balloons down there?
827
00:42:58,220 --> 00:42:59,310
In the little basket.
828
00:42:59,310 --> 00:43:00,910
He put the balloons in
the little basket.
829
00:43:00,910 --> 00:43:03,310
Everyone had a nice run with
the basket, I noticed.
830
00:43:03,310 --> 00:43:05,130
Not Sally, because she
dropped the rope.
831
00:43:06,460 --> 00:43:08,080
So, no points for Sally?
832
00:43:08,080 --> 00:43:09,880
Well, it depends how you want
to dish out the points.
833
00:43:09,880 --> 00:43:12,240
Are you disqualifying Nish for
throwing coconuts at you?
834
00:43:12,240 --> 00:43:14,220
No, I'm not going to disqualify Nish,
835
00:43:14,220 --> 00:43:15,400
because, let's face it,
836
00:43:15,400 --> 00:43:16,400
the guy's broken.
837
00:43:18,220 --> 00:43:19,800
So it's Sally, then Aisling,
838
00:43:19,800 --> 00:43:21,570
then Nish in third,
who got four things in,
839
00:43:21,570 --> 00:43:24,240
Mark got five. Bob, eight items.
840
00:43:24,240 --> 00:43:25,240
Wow!
841
00:43:29,110 --> 00:43:30,150
There's a change in the leaderboard.
842
00:43:30,150 --> 00:43:32,080
The leaderboard now looks like this!
843
00:43:32,080 --> 00:43:35,170
The winner is Mr Bob Mortimer!
844
00:43:38,840 --> 00:43:41,170
Well done, Bob. Will you
please head to the stage
845
00:43:41,170 --> 00:43:45,640
and have fun fondling your
surprisingly expensive items!
846
00:43:48,110 --> 00:43:50,130
How much loo roll do
you have left, Alex?
847
00:43:50,130 --> 00:43:52,840
I've got 84. Enough for
three more dirts.
848
00:43:54,600 --> 00:43:55,710
So what have we learnt today?
849
00:43:55,710 --> 00:43:57,860
Nous avons appris que les chats
850
00:43:57,860 --> 00:43:59,310
est dans les chapeaux,
851
00:43:59,310 --> 00:44:02,040
et les chat est dans Nish.
852
00:44:02,040 --> 00:44:04,185
Le chat ils fait mort.
853
00:44:04,185 --> 00:44:07,000
Et Alex c'est un dick.
854
00:44:09,280 --> 00:44:10,860
That's it for another Taskmaster.
855
00:44:10,860 --> 00:44:14,280
Well done to Bob and see you
next time for the grand finale!
856
00:44:14,280 --> 00:44:15,450
Good night!