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00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:37,040
Hello!
2
00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:39,120
And welcome to that Taskmaster show.
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00:00:39,160 --> 00:00:42,440
It's only episode two, so, as things
are still fresh and exciting,
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00:00:42,480 --> 00:00:45,000
let's press on and enjoy it while it
lasts.
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00:00:45,040 --> 00:00:50,000
Your five champion candidates are
Iain Stirling,
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Joe Thomas,
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00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:53,960
Lou Sanders,
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00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:55,720
Paul Sinha
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00:00:55,760 --> 00:00:58,440
and Sian Gibson!
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00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:03,480
And, here, a man whose name you
never hear before the words
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"scrubs up well",
12
00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:07,280
it's little Alex Horne!
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Hit me!
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Well, you wouldn't want me to
because I've been going to the gym.
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Yeah?
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Early days, still, but it's tough
because I want to use the machines
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and you know it says on them you've
got to read
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00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:23,800
all the instructions first?
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I've been going four months, still
doing that, still doing that.
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This is the rowing machine one. Yep.
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Five different languages.
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This is the drinks machine. Yep.
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Because you should... you should
read them.
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You did plan this and it's just...
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It's just... There's a fundamental
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difference between what Alex and I
find funny.
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Yeah.
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I'm happy to be outvoted,
but, to be outvoted,
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you'd need to laugh.
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{\an1}ONE PERSON LAUGHS
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See?
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On we go! Let's get the prize task
happening, please.
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This week we've asked them to bring
in the best pair of things.
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The winner at the end of the episode
will go home with not five
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00:02:06,120 --> 00:02:07,800
but ten whole things!
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That's a lot of things.
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Sian?
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Erm, I've got a pair of, erm,
Shirley Bassey's pop socks.
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Shut up. Real?
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Seriously, seriously.
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I'm 98% sure they're hers.
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98? That's an interesting
percentage.
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The ones you brought in are there.
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What's the 98%?
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Why are you almost sure
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they're Shirley Bassey's?
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So, I went to see a concert that
Shirley Bassey was at.
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I went backstage, passed her
dressing room and, erm,
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she'd gone. She'd long gone. Ah...
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I went in, they were on the floor.
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Yeah. I don't know whose else they
could be.
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Well, I did some research.
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I wrote to Dame Shirley, but I got
an e-mail back
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from Dame Shirley Bassey's PA in
Monaco. Lovely.
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"Unfortunately it's impossible to
confirm. So, it would be most
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"unusual that we would have a pair
of pop socks in the dressing room,
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"so my instinct is that they are not
belonging to Dame Shirley."
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AUDIENCE: Ooh!
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Well, whose are they?
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I think you're lying.
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Well, there we go, that's the first
one. Who's next?
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Er, yeah, Dame Joe Thomas.
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What pair of things did you bring
in?
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I brought a pair of diamond
earrings.
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There we go.
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There they are. There they are.
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That's a prize. A pair of earrings
is failure route one,
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but if they're sufficiently
valuable... Yeah, well, don't worry.
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..then you could be looking at a
pretty sweet position, here.
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Hope so because they are valuable.
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00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:34,640
Well, how much were they?
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I think they were... they were... they
were £2,735.
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00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:41,800
OK, well, I know for a fact that
Alex knows how much they were.
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00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:42,960
How much were they, Alex?
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00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:45,800
Well, it says, the description,
weirdly, "100% brand-new."
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IAIN: So, you know they're good!
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"High quality alloy."
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£2.21, that's for the pair.
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Well, that's rubbish, last place.
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Iain Stirling, can you beat a
rubbish pair of earrings?
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00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:03,560
Hopefully.
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00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:06,920
So, when you said to pair, to me, I
immediately thought double act.
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00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:10,120
And who are the most famous double
act on television?
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00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:11,480
Erm, Morecambe and Wise.
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Dick and Dom, correct.
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In Da Bungalow, the gritty BAFTA
award-winning television show.
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Yep.
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So I have got a song, if you will,
from Dick and Dom
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to the winner of tonight's episode
of Taskmaster.
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00:04:29,280 --> 00:04:30,840
Yes, here it is.
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00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:34,880
♪ Well, you ran around and you did
some tasks and you did whatever
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♪ Greg Davies asked
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00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:39,080
♪ Iain Stirling called us to write
this song
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♪ So congratulations from Dick and
Dom.
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♪ Oi, oi, oi, oi, oi. ♪
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00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:48,240
{\an1}AUDIENCE APPLAUSE
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Oi, oi, oi, oi!
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00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:57,240
On the set of their new train
station show.
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00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:01,720
Dick and Dom's combined age is the
same as the Dalai Lama.
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00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:04,080
Wow.
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00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:05,600
Dom's 21, Dick is 62.
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00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:09,280
Incredible. OK...
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00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:10,440
Er, Lou?
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00:05:10,480 --> 00:05:11,760
Er, we'll wait to see it.
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00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:12,800
OK.
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00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:17,440
So, it's a pair of breasts on
slippers.
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00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:22,680
What's nicer than slippers and
breasts listening to music!
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00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:26,720
Well, hello, you've got all three,
OK?
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00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:29,720
Right. Do they come with the radios,
is that...?
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I just got an elastic band and just
popped that round.
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You just added those radios
yourself?
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I did that.
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It's a lovely reminder of childhood,
listening to crackly radio
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00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:44,400
while you snuggle up to your mum's
feet tits.
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00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:50,440
Well, there's one person left. Do
you want to move on to Paul? Yeah.
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This was a house-warming gift from
my mum and dad,
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who go on more holidays than I do
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because they, sort of, invested
well,
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00:05:58,200 --> 00:05:59,920
and...
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00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:06,320
..in 2002, I bought my first home
and they presented me with the most
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00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:08,840
wonderful house-warming gift that
they picked up
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00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:10,800
from their holiday to China.
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Here it is.
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There are lots of reasons to love
your mum and dad.
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The best reason is they cannot see
anything in this picture
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that everybody else can see with
their...
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I mean, it's a really disturbing
picture.
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I'm going to give some points out
really quickly. OK.
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Are you ready? Yes.
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00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:40,920
Surprise, surprise, one point for
the super cheap hearings.
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00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:42,840
I mean... Joe Thomas. Thank you very
much.
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00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:46,480
I really love that panda picture,
so I'm going to give Dick and Dom
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00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:49,400
and the panda picture four points.
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00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:53,080
Three points to Lou and five points
to Sian...
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00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:58,440
..because I believe they're Shirley
Bassey's pop socks.
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00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:05,600
Right, come on then, what's
happening now?
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00:07:05,640 --> 00:07:07,280
Er, we've got a task, and, sneakily,
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00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:09,240
this one involves disguising a
disguise.
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Oh, this is fancy.
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A clue, isn't it?
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"Put something on your face that
looks like a moustache
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00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:34,640
"from a long distance away..."
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00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:36,880
"but when you get up close, you
realise it's something
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00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:39,080
"completely different to what you
thought."
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00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:41,640
"You have ten minutes to plan your
moustache
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00:07:41,680 --> 00:07:44,800
"and ten further minutes to make
your moustache."
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"Most unexpected moustache wins.
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"Your time starts now."
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00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:51,720
Your time starts now!
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00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:53,880
Erm, I'll start... I'll start...
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00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:57,360
..planning.
I'll just plan here, at the table.
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00:07:57,400 --> 00:08:00,040
Do you understand the task? I do
understand the task, yeah,
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00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:01,680
you make a...
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00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:07,200
I think you want something with
small detail.
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00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:10,680
I'm channelling Father Christmas, so
I want something white,
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00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:12,520
like a baby mouse?
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00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:18,280
Oh, I don't want a dead... I don't
want a dead mouse on my face.
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00:08:18,320 --> 00:08:20,920
But do you want a live mouse?
No, I don't. Don't. Scrap that.
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00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:25,960
It's just hard to get away from
ants, I mean, it's really...
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00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:28,240
How many ants?
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00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:30,160
Well, you know, 50.
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50 really good ones.
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00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:37,440
Sometimes my mind is not my friend.
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00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:39,400
What were you thinking of this time,
Lou?
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00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:40,760
Pubes!
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00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:44,240
Please don't put that in the show.
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00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:53,040
OK, well, the way it's going to work
is this, Greg.
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00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:55,440
You're going to look at the
moustache from a distance,
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00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:58,440
then you have to guess what you
think it actually is. OK.
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00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:00,440
The most unexpected moustache wins.
171
00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:02,840
We're to find out who is the
"Tachemaster".
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00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:04,120
Ready?
173
00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:12,280
Man...
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00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:13,680
OK, let's go.
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00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:16,040
OK, here's Lou and Iain first.
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00:09:16,080 --> 00:09:18,040
OK. Iain Stirling.
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00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:21,680
Well, I can only tell you what I
see, and what I see
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00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:25,280
is a small, cut-out picture of a
Vulcan bomber.
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00:09:27,760 --> 00:09:32,080
And I think that Lou has cut out the
mouth section
180
00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:33,480
of a teddy bear.
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00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:37,160
OK.
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00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:38,640
We will now zoom in, here we go.
183
00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:04,680
So, fake flies... Fake flies.
184
00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:06,200
..and real mealworms.
185
00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:07,600
Real mealworms.
186
00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:10,600
Absolutely disgusting.
187
00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:12,360
And then we have Iain's.
188
00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:13,680
Yep.
189
00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:17,560
So, it's a map of a large village in
Hampshire called Liphook.
190
00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:19,200
Liphook, cos it's on his lip.
191
00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:22,520
Yep, and a little picture of Iain as
well.
192
00:10:22,560 --> 00:10:24,120
That's me on the map.
193
00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:31,040
Yeah, go on, who's next?
194
00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:35,280
Oh, wait, you could have discussed
it a bit! No. There was a pun.
195
00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:37,480
It's the Liphook thing's annoyed me.
196
00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:43,040
OK, Greg, what do you think they've
got on their upper lips?
197
00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:44,920
Hmm... Hmm.
198
00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:46,840
Joe, genuinely what I see
199
00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:50,400
is the novelty Doctor Who assistant,
K9.
200
00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:55,080
For younger people,
201
00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:57,280
K9 was a really terrible robot dog.
202
00:10:57,320 --> 00:10:58,560
Yeah.
203
00:10:58,600 --> 00:10:59,920
That's what I think it is.
204
00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:01,360
OK.
205
00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:03,360
And nothing will change my mind.
206
00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:06,080
OK.
207
00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:11,720
Sian, I think it is the headless
body of a toy cow
208
00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:13,440
is what I think it is.
209
00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:16,280
A Jersey. OK, a cow carcass.
210
00:11:16,320 --> 00:11:17,400
Yeah.
211
00:11:17,440 --> 00:11:19,200
Well, here is the detail.
212
00:11:33,680 --> 00:11:35,920
It's something, isn't it?
213
00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:37,320
It's something.
214
00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:40,040
It's a few moustaches.
Mansell, Gooch, Selleck.
215
00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:42,400
I don't know, Joe, I quite like the
fact that you've got
216
00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:45,080
lots of moustaches together and
they're celebrity moustaches.
217
00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:47,920
It doesn't make me as angry as I
thought it might. OK. Oh, OK.
218
00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:50,240
And Sian. Sian.
219
00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:53,400
It's hair from a Barbie.
220
00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:55,480
It's Barbie hair and Alex's face.
221
00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:56,600
OK.
222
00:11:56,640 --> 00:11:58,280
Are you pleased with that?
223
00:11:58,320 --> 00:11:59,760
Not really.
224
00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:03,520
You should have written "Liphook" in
the hair.
225
00:12:03,560 --> 00:12:05,840
The most surprising moustache,
a moustache.
226
00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:08,640
I know. It's madness to think that
you could possibly
227
00:12:08,680 --> 00:12:09,800
come below that.
228
00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:14,520
Right, order! Order!
229
00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:16,000
And now for some adverts.
230
00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:29,320
Hello and welcome back to
Taskmaster!
231
00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:31,680
Alex, what was going on just a few
minutes ago?
232
00:12:31,720 --> 00:12:33,760
Well, before the break, we were
feasting our eyes
233
00:12:33,800 --> 00:12:35,480
on the hairy upper lips of our
patrons.
234
00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:38,360
Yes, they've been making moustaches
that look like moustaches
235
00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:41,320
'from a distance but, up close,
they're something different altogether.
236
00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:42,880
Now it's time to see Paul Sinha!
237
00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:45,880
Ooh! Wow.
238
00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:47,280
Pretty good!
239
00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:50,560
That, to me, looks like a
magnificent moustache.
240
00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:52,520
It can't be because that's the
game!
241
00:12:52,560 --> 00:12:54,200
It's not a moustache.
242
00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:56,480
What would he do?
243
00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:58,600
What would the Sinha man do?
244
00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:04,200
It's got to be, in another language,
the word "moustache" has got to mean
245
00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:05,760
something, and it'll be that.
246
00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:09,200
I suppose so.
247
00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:11,880
I haven't got a clue,
he's absolutely stumped me.
248
00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:14,640
OK, this is what's going on on
Paul's top lip.
249
00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:28,680
What is it?
250
00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:30,480
It's just an infection.
251
00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:37,360
Come on, Alex, what is it, caviar?
252
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,400
Yeah, sturgeon eggs.
Fish eggs? Yeah.
253
00:13:39,440 --> 00:13:41,720
I mean, it's, er,
it's a work of genius.
254
00:13:41,760 --> 00:13:44,800
Can I also point out that caviar is
stuck to my lip with glue
255
00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:47,520
and, whenever it was falling off,
I'd go, "Ooh, that's delicious
256
00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:50,680
"caviar"? I'd forget that it was
covered in glue, so I had serious
257
00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:53,280
diarrhoea for three days afterwards.
258
00:13:55,480 --> 00:13:57,320
So, let's award some points. OK.
259
00:13:57,360 --> 00:14:00,960
In last place, Sian, because
unfortunately Sian used real hair.
260
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:05,040
One point to Sian then, obviously,
Liphook's shit.
261
00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:07,880
That gets two points, it doesn't
deserve them. Two points for Iain.
262
00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:10,440
Three points, just because it didn't
look like a moustache
263
00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:13,840
from a distance, although I quite
like the multiple moustaches, Joe.
264
00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:16,560
Oh! Four points because, you know,
it's just a horrible,
265
00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:18,240
twisted monster.
266
00:14:18,280 --> 00:14:19,600
Which one? Er, Lou.
267
00:14:19,640 --> 00:14:21,040
OK.
268
00:14:21,080 --> 00:14:24,160
And, five points, obviously I'm
going to give it to the caviar king,
269
00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:26,280
Paul Sinha. Paul Sinha!
270
00:14:31,560 --> 00:14:33,320
So, what's that done to the scores,
Alex?
271
00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:35,800
Well, I'm afraid Joe is at the
bottom of the leaderboard
272
00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:37,856
with four, then we have Sian with
six, Iain with six,
273
00:14:37,880 --> 00:14:40,120
Lou with seven, but Paul is the
leader with nine points!
274
00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:41,640
Hurray!
275
00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:48,920
Right. Next one, then, please.
276
00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:51,360
Ooh, and look, it's rice time.
277
00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:52,520
Is it rice o'clock?
278
00:14:52,560 --> 00:14:53,840
It's rice already.
279
00:15:07,120 --> 00:15:09,640
Hiya. Oh, hi, there, Lou.
280
00:15:09,680 --> 00:15:11,920
Alex. Hello, Joe.
281
00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:13,480
OK. Oh, right, OK.
282
00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:17,040
I'm enjoying the eyebrows.
Well, you know, what do you expect?
283
00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:20,080
Oh, you've been shopping?
284
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:22,040
I have, yes.
285
00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:24,040
OK. "Get this rice..."
286
00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:26,840
Oh, I love, erm, I love food.
287
00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:29,920
"Get this rice into the bottle..."
288
00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:31,960
"in the living room."
289
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:34,840
"You may only use the shopping
basket and its contents to transport
290
00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:36,640
"and deliver the rice."
291
00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:38,680
"You may not touch the rice with
anything other
292
00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:40,760
"than the shopping basket and its
contents."
293
00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:43,080
"You may not take the bottle out of
the living room.
294
00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:47,720
"The most grains in the bottle
wins.
295
00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:51,480
"You have ten minutes
and you're time starts..."
296
00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:52,880
"now."
297
00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:55,400
Right. Oh, no! OK.
298
00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:03,920
Very good, sounds pretty
straightforward.
299
00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:06,760
Transport the rice without touching
the rice. Yes. Very nice.
300
00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:09,720
That's it. There's 21,000 grains of
rice, same as the population
301
00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:12,160
of the Orkney Islands, so if you
imagine you're trying
302
00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:14,640
to get all the inhabitants off the
Orkney Islands... Yep.
303
00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:16,936
..you can only use stuff that's
washed up on the beach. Right.
304
00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:19,040
There's been a problem,
the island's got too hot.
305
00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:21,416
Am I popping them in a bottle?
I'm putting them in a bottle.
306
00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:24,640
Yeah, you've got to get them into a
bottle on the mainland. OK.
307
00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:26,160
Who's first?
308
00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:28,800
We're going to look at two of my top
five contestants this year -
309
00:16:28,840 --> 00:16:31,760
it's Sian Gibson and Joe Thomas.
Lovely.
310
00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:33,480
So, that goes in there, and then...
311
00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:35,040
Right, I've got an idea.
312
00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:36,480
Hold on.
313
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:39,720
{\an1}SHE CHOKES
314
00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:43,080
That didn't work. That didn't work.
315
00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:44,720
So, I've got a bit of...
316
00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:46,640
..tape.
317
00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:48,480
I mean, that's, like...
318
00:16:51,120 --> 00:16:53,240
Right, I've got another one,
I've got another one. OK.
319
00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:03,520
Erm...
320
00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:09,240
There must be some...
321
00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:16,520
Oh!
322
00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:18,880
Can I get tools from anywhere else,
or...?
323
00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:20,400
Does it say you can't?
324
00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:21,840
It doesn't, er...
325
00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:24,640
Where's the...? Where is it?
326
00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:27,000
Do you know, like, if you can siphon
water
327
00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:28,480
by sucking and blowing... OK.
328
00:17:28,520 --> 00:17:29,840
..through a pipe.
329
00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:31,200
Does my mouth count?
330
00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:32,720
If my mouth touches rice?
331
00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:34,160
Erm, I think so.
332
00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:35,400
Oh, shit.
333
00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:38,880
OK.
334
00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:41,880
That's not... Ah! That's Mango,
isn't it? That's different.
335
00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:43,320
Different to...?
336
00:17:43,360 --> 00:17:45,720
It's different to a bowl, erm...
337
00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:48,840
Oh, my God! I don't know what to do!
338
00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:50,000
Right.
339
00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:56,360
That's a little bit of rice.
340
00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:57,640
Through we go.
341
00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:06,440
OK, where's this jar?
342
00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:11,520
I think I've got this now.
343
00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:13,280
One more trip.
344
00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:19,640
So sorry, someone's going to have to
get the Hoover out.
345
00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:21,720
OK. What would you do with the
breadsticks?
346
00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:37,840
There's a bit of rice in that
bottle.
347
00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:40,000
You didn't say in. There's some on.
348
00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:41,560
On? OK.
349
00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:43,040
On the bottle.
350
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:44,320
OK, well, thank you, Sian,
351
00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:46,920
I'm going to count the grains of
rice. Bye-bye, Sian.
352
00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:52,720
You did very well, Joe.
353
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:57,120
Well, there's certainly some bad
news for the residents
354
00:18:57,160 --> 00:18:59,600
of the Orkney Islands, isn't there?
355
00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:02,560
I mean, Sian, we all know that if
you suck water
356
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:05,240
through a hose, I don't know what
the scientific reason
357
00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:08,400
'for the water will keep flowing on
its own, do you? I think it's just lucky.
358
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:10,960
It's just lucky. Yeah. Yeah.
359
00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:14,000
I mean, did you really think you
could get the same effect with rice?
360
00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:16,240
Yes.
361
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:18,720
If you suck a bit of rice,
the rest will follow?
362
00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:21,160
It's madness!
363
00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:23,960
I think we can safely say I failed
that, didn't we?
364
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:25,480
Oh, God, yeah.
365
00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:32,440
Well, Sian transported 28% of the
grains of rice.
366
00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:34,960
Joe, did you save some Orkney
islanders?
367
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:38,240
Oh, my God, yeah, I wouldn't let
those... those guys down.
368
00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:40,680
He saved 18,000 Orkney islanders.
369
00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:44,440
Imagine that. 85%. Yeah.
Of the island? Of the island.
370
00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:47,400
Pretty good.
371
00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:51,200
So, Greg, are we gonna move on?
Yeah.
372
00:19:51,240 --> 00:19:53,880
Probably worth remembering the very
clear and simple rules. Yep.
373
00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:56,280
Number one, you may not touch the
rice with anything other
374
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:58,600
than the shopping basket and its
contents. One.
375
00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:01,880
And, number two, you may not take
the bottle out of the living room.
376
00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:04,640
Otherwise, you just go and get the
bottle, scoop up the rice
377
00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:06,760
in any old thing and put it in the
bottle.
378
00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:09,240
Yes, and that wouldn't really be a
task, would it?
379
00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:11,880
That would just be you putting some
rice in a bottle.
380
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:15,200
Who's next?
381
00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:16,680
It's Paul.
382
00:20:20,120 --> 00:20:21,880
Here you go.
383
00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:39,480
Didn't go so well.
384
00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:46,360
I think there might be a more
practical way of doing this.
385
00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:52,680
Well, that's not as hollow as I was
hoping, I'll be honest with you.
386
00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:54,680
{\an1}TAKES A BIG SLURPING BITE
387
00:20:57,360 --> 00:20:59,440
Let me get some into the bowl.
388
00:21:04,120 --> 00:21:05,800
There's always a bloody trick
389
00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:07,560
in the question, isn't there?
390
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,000
Nowhere did it say you couldn't
391
00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:10,360
bring the bottle in here.
392
00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:14,600
"You may not take the bottle
out of the living room."
393
00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:19,680
{\an1}WHISTLE BLOWS
394
00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:21,120
Thank you, Paul.
395
00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:22,880
Didn't do too badly this time.
396
00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:34,040
It's a very rare treat on a
television programme
397
00:21:34,080 --> 00:21:36,440
to see someone lose their job
398
00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:38,240
on a different television programme.
399
00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:43,680
It's the end of part two.
400
00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:46,200
Not long now until someone wins
Lou's slip-on boobs
401
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:47,800
and Shirley Bassey's pop socks.
402
00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:48,920
Exciting.
403
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:50,200
Now fan me!
404
00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:05,840
Welcome back to Taskmaster.
405
00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:07,840
It is the start of part three.
406
00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:09,400
Oh, it really is, isn't it? Mm.
407
00:22:09,440 --> 00:22:12,200
The current task involves using
mangoes, breadsticks, honey,
408
00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:15,360
a comb, straws, a pumice stone,
sticky tape, Blu-Tack or a balloon
409
00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:17,560
to transport as much rice as
possible into a bottle
410
00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:18,920
in another room.
411
00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:20,680
We've seen Joe and Sian do that and
412
00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:23,520
Paul do something completely
different.
413
00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:27,560
Finally, it's Lou, which is short
for Lou Sanders, and Iain Stirling.
414
00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:31,520
The main thing is just not to panic
415
00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:33,800
and just to do this logically.
416
00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:36,840
"You may not touch the rice with
anything other
417
00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:39,040
"than the shopping basket and its
contents."
418
00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:44,840
Erm...
419
00:22:46,440 --> 00:22:49,600
Right, yeah?
420
00:22:49,640 --> 00:22:50,960
That's a carry pot.
421
00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:53,160
Yeah.
422
00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:56,560
Yeah, I'm out of ideas.
423
00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:11,160
Not touching.
424
00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:13,360
Is this timed?
Yes, you've got six minutes left.
425
00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:15,360
All right. In she goes.
426
00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:22,680
I've had a bit of an idea.
427
00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:28,680
It ain't half sticky, is it?
428
00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:30,520
How many minutes left?
429
00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:32,000
Three minutes and 50 seconds.
430
00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:33,600
Please, baby...
431
00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:36,120
We are flying!
432
00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:37,480
Come on, boy!
433
00:23:37,520 --> 00:23:39,720
You are a genius, Stirling.
434
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:46,160
Look at that steady flow.
435
00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:48,960
{\an1}WHISTLE BLOWS
436
00:23:50,120 --> 00:23:51,920
I'm quite pleased with that,
actually.
437
00:24:02,720 --> 00:24:06,600
When I first saw Lou's elasto-glove
system,
438
00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:08,480
I thought that Sian was off the
hook.
439
00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:14,280
And yet, incredible. Incredible from
both of them, really.
440
00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:16,640
Mm, she cleaned the jar, that's the
key. That's the key.
441
00:24:16,680 --> 00:24:18,200
Yeah. A woman.
442
00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:24,960
A better woman.
443
00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:29,000
I mean, I was just genuinely
impressed. Yeah.
444
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:31,416
Her plan was to empty the honey into
a bowl so that other people
445
00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:34,400
could eat it, which is very nice,
whereas Iain, instantly, straight
446
00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:35,680
on the floor.
447
00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:37,920
Chucked it out,
but he wanted to save people.
448
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:39,720
I don't like food waste.
449
00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:41,200
No.
450
00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:43,640
I don't like people on the Orkney
Islands dying.
451
00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:51,240
Lou saved all, I would say,
all the men and all the women,
452
00:24:51,280 --> 00:24:53,280
and just left the children.
453
00:24:57,920 --> 00:25:00,240
79%.
454
00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:04,600
So, points-wise, Paul is either one
or zero.
455
00:25:04,640 --> 00:25:06,880
He broke the rules, no points.
456
00:25:06,920 --> 00:25:08,520
No points to Paul.
457
00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:10,640
I'm not complaining whatsoever.
I utterly deserve it.
458
00:25:10,680 --> 00:25:13,320
No, of course, you're a reasonable
man. Thank you, Paul.
459
00:25:13,360 --> 00:25:15,960
Let's give Paul a...
Let's give him a bonus point.
460
00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:18,360
{\an1}AUDIENCE CHEERS
461
00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:22,320
Sian, two points for saving 28%.
462
00:25:22,360 --> 00:25:23,800
Happy with that.
463
00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:25,440
Iain saved 74%, gets three points.
464
00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:27,320
Lou saved 79%, gets four points,
465
00:25:27,360 --> 00:25:30,520
but Joe is the winner, saving 85%
of them, getting five points!
466
00:25:32,360 --> 00:25:35,120
Yes. Wow
467
00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:38,840
Another one, please.
468
00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:41,280
Good idea and it's team time!
469
00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:58,400
Hiya! Oh, hello, Sian.
470
00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:00,400
Hello, Paul. Good morning, Alex.
471
00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:02,120
Please don't touch that just yet.
472
00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:03,160
Ah.
473
00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:08,320
Good Lord. Ah!
474
00:26:08,360 --> 00:26:10,480
You got my order.
475
00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:12,880
Hello. Why are you in your dressing
gown?
476
00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:15,680
Little treasure chest. Go on, sorry.
477
00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:18,040
Nothing. Hiya. Oh, sorry.
478
00:26:18,080 --> 00:26:19,560
Am I, er... interrupting?
479
00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:21,920
Oh, hello! Hello, hi. All right?
480
00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:25,520
Oh, you've got a cup of tea.
Yeah, yeah, I have.
481
00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:27,600
How are you doing? I'm all right,
thanks, and you?
482
00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:30,000
Yeah, I'm all right, yeah, yeah, not
too bad.
483
00:26:31,640 --> 00:26:32,760
Who's that?
484
00:26:35,480 --> 00:26:37,040
Sian, you can open the task.
485
00:26:37,080 --> 00:26:38,280
OK.
486
00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:41,760
Right.
487
00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:44,840
"Tell your team-mates what is in
this chest."
488
00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:47,280
"Your team-mate must not see what is
in the chest.
489
00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:49,600
"After reading the task out, you may
not speak again
490
00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:51,160
"until the task is over."
491
00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:55,120
"In the first minute, you may only
use facial expressions."
492
00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:58,480
"In the second minute, you may only
make noises."
493
00:26:58,520 --> 00:27:01,760
"In the third minute, you may only
shout adjectives.
494
00:27:01,800 --> 00:27:05,360
"From then on, you may only whisper
verbs.
495
00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:07,880
"Fastest correct communication
wins."
496
00:27:07,920 --> 00:27:09,840
"Your time starts..."
497
00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:11,600
Are you ready? I'm ready.
498
00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:12,640
"now."
499
00:27:27,360 --> 00:27:29,160
That's weird, innit?
500
00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:32,080
I'm just a weird guy.
Just a weird guy.
501
00:27:32,120 --> 00:27:36,400
I mean, I was initially going to
focus on your meeting
502
00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:39,280
being the most awkward
503
00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:41,840
and then...
Can we show his face again?
504
00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:49,440
Oh, why?!
505
00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:53,040
I mean, that to me is the face of
someone who's watching a human
506
00:27:53,080 --> 00:27:55,520
transform into a lizard or
something.
507
00:27:56,960 --> 00:27:59,400
I mean, what the hell?
What were you doing?!
508
00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:02,120
You're going to have to wait, you're
going to have to wait and see.
509
00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:04,280
It's the other team first,
I'm afraid. Oh, God, OK.
510
00:28:04,320 --> 00:28:06,280
It's the fun guys.
It's Iain, Lou and Paul.
511
00:28:08,080 --> 00:28:10,080
Just facial expressions, please.
512
00:28:10,120 --> 00:28:12,600
Er... Erm, we can't see your
facial...
513
00:28:12,640 --> 00:28:14,440
'Superman?
514
00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:15,560
'Erm, the sun?
515
00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:17,200
'It's like the sun, er...
516
00:28:18,280 --> 00:28:19,560
'A torch?
517
00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:22,480
'Your face is staying very the same.
518
00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:24,760
'Erm, oh! Morning, morning.
519
00:28:24,800 --> 00:28:26,280
'Morning, staring, focusing.
520
00:28:26,320 --> 00:28:27,400
'Sunshine. Glasses.
521
00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:28,800
'It's something to do with...
522
00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:30,400
'Oh! The view, the view, the view.
523
00:28:30,440 --> 00:28:31,640
'A picture of the view?
524
00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:32,920
'Hope!
525
00:28:32,960 --> 00:28:34,960
Just noises now, please,
Paul, noises.
526
00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:36,920
{\an1}PAUL MAKES "MM" NOISES
527
00:28:36,960 --> 00:28:38,400
'A gag.
528
00:28:38,440 --> 00:28:39,720
'A ball gag. Hill!
529
00:28:39,760 --> 00:28:41,360
'Yes.
530
00:28:42,680 --> 00:28:44,240
'Sunrise, sunset?
531
00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:45,360
'Sunrise, sunset.
532
00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:47,856
It's a bit like sunrise, sunset.
Just noises, please, just noises.
533
00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:49,280
'The Mooncup.
534
00:28:49,320 --> 00:28:51,520
'Any other noises apart from "mm"?
535
00:28:51,560 --> 00:28:53,560
'Daybreak? Hormones?
536
00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:56,160
'Is it hormones?
537
00:28:57,560 --> 00:28:59,080
Please shout some adjectives.
538
00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:01,440
Directional!
539
00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:04,080
'Compass! Yes, well done.
540
00:29:04,120 --> 00:29:06,600
Stop the clock. Well done, team.
541
00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:09,360
I was pointing out that thing on the
wall, looking at that thing
542
00:29:09,400 --> 00:29:11,600
on the wall. Oh...
543
00:29:17,560 --> 00:29:19,720
A few guesses. Yeah, interesting.
544
00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:24,200
So, Paul was allowed initially to
use only facial expressions
545
00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:27,000
but he opted for one facial
expression.
546
00:29:28,800 --> 00:29:31,160
That's my acting range, Greg. Yep.
547
00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:33,640
And then you were allowed to only
use noises
548
00:29:33,680 --> 00:29:35,720
and you opted for "mm"?
549
00:29:37,160 --> 00:29:39,320
Some of Lou's suggestions for what
550
00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:40,880
was in the box were interesting.
551
00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:42,440
"Morning".
552
00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:47,400
"Hope".
553
00:29:48,920 --> 00:29:50,240
She also said "the Mooncup".
554
00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:51,960
A Mooncup. Do you know what a
Mooncup is?
555
00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:54,920
At a special time of the month, it
collects your menstrual blood.
556
00:29:54,960 --> 00:29:56,120
Menstrual fluid.
557
00:29:56,160 --> 00:29:58,800
And it's very economical for the
environment and the wallet.
558
00:29:58,840 --> 00:30:00,600
And she thought we put it in the
chest.
559
00:30:03,040 --> 00:30:05,320
The old menstrual Mooncup.
560
00:30:06,600 --> 00:30:07,920
"Mm, mm."
561
00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:09,240
Menstrual Mooncup.
562
00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:14,360
I'd like to see the other team.
563
00:30:14,400 --> 00:30:17,080
OK, well, they got two minutes and
four seconds.
564
00:30:17,120 --> 00:30:19,440
Here come the actors - Joe and Sian.
565
00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:22,800
OK, ah...
566
00:30:22,840 --> 00:30:28,600
Obviously looking around, up, er...
567
00:30:28,640 --> 00:30:30,840
'Is it to do with tennis?
568
00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:34,400
What is it? Forehead?
569
00:30:36,280 --> 00:30:38,200
You think there's a forehead in the
chest?
570
00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:43,600
Er, well... is it to do with the
face?
571
00:30:43,640 --> 00:30:45,080
You may now make noises.
572
00:30:45,120 --> 00:30:47,360
I'm terribly sorry.
Just noises, please.
573
00:30:47,400 --> 00:30:48,720
That was awful from me. Erm...
574
00:30:48,760 --> 00:30:50,080
Just noises.
575
00:30:52,080 --> 00:30:53,320
Mm.
576
00:30:53,360 --> 00:30:54,640
Mm, mm.
577
00:30:54,680 --> 00:30:57,160
Mm. Mm.
578
00:30:58,680 --> 00:31:00,720
I wish I knew what that was.
579
00:31:01,880 --> 00:31:06,240
Up, down, left, right.
580
00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:07,800
Erm... Just noises.
581
00:31:07,840 --> 00:31:09,200
'Compass?
582
00:31:09,240 --> 00:31:10,800
'It's compass!
583
00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:12,240
'Ah!
584
00:31:13,840 --> 00:31:18,240
That is... Wow! I mean, tell you
what, I tell you what,
585
00:31:18,280 --> 00:31:19,880
well done.
586
00:31:25,480 --> 00:31:29,280
You used the same noise system as
Paul, interestingly.
587
00:31:29,320 --> 00:31:31,440
Not opening your mouth at all.
588
00:31:31,480 --> 00:31:33,320
"Mm?"
589
00:31:33,360 --> 00:31:36,000
It's the universal noise for
compass.
590
00:31:37,880 --> 00:31:40,680
OK, here we go, Sian and Joe can
have three points, Lou, Iain
591
00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:42,360
and Paul can have two points each.
592
00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:46,040
There we go. Sian and Jo, well done.
593
00:31:46,080 --> 00:31:48,640
So, what do the current scores look
like?
594
00:31:48,680 --> 00:31:51,440
Well, you won't believe it, it's
very surprising, there are only
595
00:31:51,480 --> 00:31:53,760
two points separating first and
last. Shut up.
596
00:31:53,800 --> 00:31:55,440
Lou is in the lead with 13.
597
00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:56,680
Whoa!
598
00:32:02,040 --> 00:32:05,560
OK, here comes a massive splurge
of adverts - sorry about that.
599
00:32:16,640 --> 00:32:21,520
Hello, hope you had a nice nap, but
wake up now! We're back on.
600
00:32:21,560 --> 00:32:23,200
What's next, Alex?
601
00:32:23,240 --> 00:32:25,920
Well, it's a task and it's this
task.
602
00:32:38,160 --> 00:32:39,480
Hello, mate.
603
00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:40,680
Oh, hello, Lou.
604
00:32:40,720 --> 00:32:42,960
Please stand this side of the rope.
Sure.
605
00:32:44,280 --> 00:32:45,560
Fuck it.
606
00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:48,160
Good luck.
607
00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:49,760
I'm, oh...
608
00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:54,240
"Travel the furthest distance while
making a constant noise
609
00:32:54,280 --> 00:32:56,120
"with your mouth."
610
00:32:56,160 --> 00:33:00,080
"You must start travelling in 30
seconds from now."
611
00:33:00,120 --> 00:33:02,040
So, it's got to be a constant noise?
612
00:33:02,080 --> 00:33:03,960
Yeah, I'm going to release you...
613
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:05,120
OK. ..in 25 seconds now.
614
00:33:05,160 --> 00:33:06,640
I'm a bit out of breath, you see.
615
00:33:06,680 --> 00:33:08,040
Any sort of noise with your mouth.
616
00:33:08,080 --> 00:33:10,200
Not one breath, I can just make
different breaths?
617
00:33:10,240 --> 00:33:13,120
Well, as long as it's constant, as
long as the noise doesn't...
618
00:33:13,160 --> 00:33:15,160
"That sounds like a gap between
them." Oh.
619
00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:16,880
Furthest goes fastest, yeah?
620
00:33:16,920 --> 00:33:18,520
Do you know what I mean?
621
00:33:18,560 --> 00:33:21,240
You think the faster you go the
further you go? Yeah. OK.
622
00:33:21,280 --> 00:33:22,760
That's true, isn't it? OK.
623
00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:25,640
You're going to be coming through
here... But that's true, isn't it?
624
00:33:25,680 --> 00:33:27,280
I'm going to release you in 15
seconds.
625
00:33:27,320 --> 00:33:29,680
Can you just tell me that's true?
626
00:33:29,720 --> 00:33:31,160
Any questions?
627
00:33:33,400 --> 00:33:34,520
Not really.
628
00:33:44,400 --> 00:33:47,640
Just briefly, why were you out of
breath before you did the task?
629
00:33:47,680 --> 00:33:52,000
The walk across the field.
630
00:33:52,040 --> 00:33:55,560
I just walked across the field.
631
00:33:55,600 --> 00:33:58,640
And I genuinely started reading the
task and thought, "How have I got
632
00:33:58,680 --> 00:33:59,960
"out of breath?
633
00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:02,560
"I need to reassess everything."
634
00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:04,280
Oh, listen, well, it's almost
certainly
635
00:34:04,320 --> 00:34:07,120
an underlying heart problem.
636
00:34:07,160 --> 00:34:08,560
Erm, good!
637
00:34:10,680 --> 00:34:14,200
Here are Paul Sinha and Iain
Stirling, together forever.
638
00:34:14,240 --> 00:34:16,760
I've never done this before.
Have you not?
639
00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:20,520
OK, well, here we go. Good luck.
640
00:34:21,880 --> 00:34:23,080
Off you go.
641
00:34:23,120 --> 00:34:27,040
A-a-ah...
642
00:34:27,080 --> 00:34:29,520
{\an1}IAIN BEATBOXES
643
00:34:29,560 --> 00:34:33,480
..a-a-ah!
644
00:34:33,520 --> 00:34:35,240
{\an1}PAUL GETS OUT OF BREATH
645
00:34:38,720 --> 00:34:40,760
{\an1}IAIN CONTINUES BEATBOXING
646
00:34:43,720 --> 00:34:45,800
{\an1}HE STOPS BEATBOXING
647
00:34:45,840 --> 00:34:47,520
Oh, have you stopped?
648
00:34:47,560 --> 00:34:49,160
I got tired.
649
00:34:49,200 --> 00:34:51,120
Sorry, I got tired as well.
650
00:34:51,160 --> 00:34:52,720
Where did you stop?
651
00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:53,920
Here.
652
00:34:56,520 --> 00:34:57,760
On my... trousers.
653
00:34:57,800 --> 00:34:59,240
You've got it on your leg!
654
00:34:59,280 --> 00:35:00,840
You took a breath right at the...
655
00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:02,360
Did I? ..the flag, yeah.
656
00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:03,800
Why did you do that? Ran out...
657
00:35:03,840 --> 00:35:06,760
Because I ran out of breath. Ran out
of breath, you needed to breathe.
658
00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:08,760
Yeah. Yeah. I have very poor vital
capacity.
659
00:35:08,800 --> 00:35:10,640
Yeah, no, yes, no, I saw that.
660
00:35:10,680 --> 00:35:12,640
Oh, well, thank you. Bye.
661
00:35:12,680 --> 00:35:14,120
{\an1}IAIN BEATBOXES AGAIN
662
00:35:14,160 --> 00:35:15,840
Bluh-bluh-bluh, rewind-ah!
663
00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:26,960
"Very poor vital capacity". Yeah.
664
00:35:27,000 --> 00:35:29,880
But how lovely to see one of the
deleted scenes from
665
00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:31,520
One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest.
666
00:35:34,760 --> 00:35:36,600
Played out for eight seconds!
667
00:35:38,280 --> 00:35:41,160
Iain, you know, pretty funky
attempt,
668
00:35:41,200 --> 00:35:43,480
but that was not a continuous sound.
669
00:35:43,520 --> 00:35:46,320
It was, yeah, the...
Nope, it wasn't.
670
00:35:46,360 --> 00:35:48,680
..the beat, in-between everything,
there was the beat...
671
00:35:48,720 --> 00:35:50,920
Oh, the silence between those beats?
There wasn't any.
672
00:35:50,960 --> 00:35:52,080
If it was a beat!
673
00:35:52,120 --> 00:35:54,840
It sounded to me like you were
saying "butter Gazza" over and over.
674
00:35:54,880 --> 00:35:56,800
I was saying "boots and cats".
Boots and cats.
675
00:35:56,840 --> 00:36:00,320
That's how you do beatboxing. Is
it? Boots and cats. Boots and cats.
676
00:36:01,640 --> 00:36:04,400
{\an1}THEY BEATBOX
677
00:36:07,320 --> 00:36:09,120
Then you've got "ra-rewind".
678
00:36:09,160 --> 00:36:10,680
Oh, that's so good. Mm.
679
00:36:10,720 --> 00:36:11,960
There's no gaps in it, though.
680
00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:13,520
Oh, there's definitely gaps.
681
00:36:13,560 --> 00:36:16,480
Yeah, I've represented it as a
waveform. Oh, of course you have.
682
00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:20,440
It's always going!
683
00:36:20,480 --> 00:36:23,360
No, those little bits are just
atmospheric noise, I'm afraid.
684
00:36:23,400 --> 00:36:26,080
But, you know, even though you're
not going to get any points,
685
00:36:26,120 --> 00:36:27,560
I mean, remember that?
686
00:36:30,800 --> 00:36:32,120
Who's next?
687
00:36:32,160 --> 00:36:33,960
It's the noisy athletes - Lou,
688
00:36:34,000 --> 00:36:35,520
Jo and Sian.
689
00:36:35,560 --> 00:36:38,160
Three, two, one.
690
00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:41,280
E-e-e!
691
00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:44,280
O-o-oh!
692
00:36:44,320 --> 00:36:46,640
A-a-ah.
693
00:36:46,680 --> 00:36:50,440
E-e-e! Hee-hee-hee!
694
00:36:50,480 --> 00:36:53,320
Hee-hee-hee-hee!
695
00:36:55,920 --> 00:36:57,360
Ooh!
696
00:36:57,400 --> 00:37:01,720
SHE TAKES A DEEP BREATH O-o-oh!
697
00:37:01,760 --> 00:37:06,640
A-a-ah.
698
00:37:06,680 --> 00:37:11,760
E-e-e!
699
00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:13,600
{\an1}SHE BREATHES HEAVILY
700
00:37:13,640 --> 00:37:15,120
Do you think you've got to there?
701
00:37:15,160 --> 00:37:16,240
Yeah.
702
00:37:16,280 --> 00:37:17,320
Was it constant?
703
00:37:17,360 --> 00:37:18,360
Yeah.
704
00:37:18,400 --> 00:37:19,400
Ooh...
705
00:37:19,440 --> 00:37:20,440
{\an1}SHE TAKES A BREATH
706
00:37:20,480 --> 00:37:22,560
O-o-oh!
707
00:37:22,600 --> 00:37:25,520
A-a-AH!
708
00:37:25,560 --> 00:37:28,200
I can't run any more!
709
00:37:28,240 --> 00:37:29,520
Have you just stopped, have you?
710
00:37:29,560 --> 00:37:30,800
Yeah!
711
00:37:30,840 --> 00:37:32,120
No breaks?
712
00:37:32,160 --> 00:37:33,760
No.
713
00:37:35,240 --> 00:37:37,720
What an annoying noise, really, from
a nice girl.
714
00:37:37,760 --> 00:37:39,320
{\an1}JOE GURGLES
715
00:37:39,360 --> 00:37:40,600
{\an1}HE RUNS OUT OF BREATH
716
00:37:40,640 --> 00:37:42,760
{\an1}WHISTLE BLOWS
717
00:37:42,800 --> 00:37:44,400
It's honestly...
718
00:37:44,440 --> 00:37:45,880
..just dehumanising.
719
00:37:48,080 --> 00:37:49,360
Bloody hell.
720
00:37:56,560 --> 00:38:00,280
Again, you confound me, like,
you know, you just look like
721
00:38:00,320 --> 00:38:02,040
you're having a lovely time.
722
00:38:02,080 --> 00:38:04,200
Just running in the wind, shouting,
723
00:38:04,240 --> 00:38:05,960
and then you end it with a phrase
724
00:38:06,000 --> 00:38:09,440
that I would expect to read in a
novel about Russian Gulags.
725
00:38:09,480 --> 00:38:13,360
It's not supposed to be
dehumanising.
726
00:38:13,400 --> 00:38:15,680
It's just a bit of fun!
727
00:38:15,720 --> 00:38:20,640
And this is the second time that
we've seen Sian clearly make
728
00:38:20,680 --> 00:38:23,960
a mistake and then say,
"No, I'm just carrying on anyway."
729
00:38:25,720 --> 00:38:31,200
So, we'll start off with Sian and
Lou, who both ran 38.1 metres
730
00:38:31,240 --> 00:38:33,720
and 39.9 metres by Lou. Just ahead.
731
00:38:33,760 --> 00:38:37,160
Paul ran for 22 metres.
732
00:38:37,200 --> 00:38:39,920
That's one 20,000th of the Grand
Canyon.
733
00:38:39,960 --> 00:38:41,600
And 98 metres there for Joe.
734
00:38:41,640 --> 00:38:43,576
That's the length of Big Ben,
if it was on its side.
735
00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:45,120
And then, finally, Iain,
736
00:38:45,160 --> 00:38:47,720
the noise stopped there,
after one metre.
737
00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:50,440
One metre, there.
738
00:38:50,480 --> 00:38:53,120
So it goes one point to Iain, two
points to Paul, three points
739
00:38:53,160 --> 00:38:56,000
to Sian, four points to Lou, five
points to the howler, Mr Joe Thomas!
740
00:38:56,040 --> 00:38:57,480
Lovely!
741
00:39:01,440 --> 00:39:02,680
Very good. Right!
742
00:39:02,720 --> 00:39:05,960
Up you go, right now, to the stage
for the final task
743
00:39:06,000 --> 00:39:07,320
of the show!
744
00:39:15,160 --> 00:39:17,560
I'm very excited because I play an
active part in this.
745
00:39:17,600 --> 00:39:18,920
Yes, you do.
746
00:39:18,960 --> 00:39:21,240
Perhaps you'd like to get someone to
read out the task.
747
00:39:21,280 --> 00:39:23,560
I've popped it on Joe Thomas's table
today.
748
00:39:23,600 --> 00:39:24,960
Well, let me, er...
749
00:39:26,840 --> 00:39:29,280
Thanks. Thank you.
750
00:39:29,320 --> 00:39:34,560
"Say a species of bird, eat a grape,
then shout a competitor's name
751
00:39:34,600 --> 00:39:38,720
"within five seconds of hearing your
own name.
752
00:39:38,760 --> 00:39:42,000
"If you fail to say a different
species of bird, pop a grape
753
00:39:42,040 --> 00:39:45,280
"in your mouth and shout a
competitor's name within five
754
00:39:45,320 --> 00:39:46,960
"seconds of hearing your own name,
755
00:39:47,000 --> 00:39:48,200
"you will be eliminated.
756
00:39:48,240 --> 00:39:50,920
"You must not say any bird that has
previously been said
757
00:39:50,960 --> 00:39:52,400
"during the task.
758
00:39:52,440 --> 00:39:54,360
"Last remaining player wins."
759
00:39:54,400 --> 00:39:56,080
What do we do with these?
760
00:39:56,120 --> 00:39:58,760
You must pop them on because that
torch is blinding.
761
00:40:00,680 --> 00:40:02,680
And I'm starting with...
762
00:40:02,720 --> 00:40:04,040
..Lou.
763
00:40:04,080 --> 00:40:05,520
Grouse.
764
00:40:05,560 --> 00:40:07,600
Paul. Swallow.
765
00:40:07,640 --> 00:40:09,520
Lou. Erm, seagull.
766
00:40:09,560 --> 00:40:12,160
Iain. Falcon.
767
00:40:12,200 --> 00:40:13,440
Joe.
768
00:40:13,480 --> 00:40:16,080
Nightingale, Sian.
769
00:40:16,120 --> 00:40:18,840
Chaffinch...
770
00:40:18,880 --> 00:40:20,440
..Paul!
771
00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:22,120
Ptarmigan, Joe.
772
00:40:22,160 --> 00:40:24,320
Woodcock.
773
00:40:24,360 --> 00:40:26,440
Ian.
774
00:40:26,480 --> 00:40:28,040
Ballaflew.
775
00:40:29,720 --> 00:40:31,280
Lou.
776
00:40:31,320 --> 00:40:33,000
Hen, Joe.
777
00:40:34,440 --> 00:40:36,520
Blackbird, Ian.
778
00:40:36,560 --> 00:40:38,160
Chicken...
779
00:40:38,200 --> 00:40:40,200
AUDIENCE: Ooh!
780
00:40:40,240 --> 00:40:41,960
So, a lot's gone on there.
781
00:40:42,000 --> 00:40:45,160
We had hen and chicken, and then we
had a Ballaflew.
782
00:40:45,200 --> 00:40:47,720
I'm going to be honest with you,
when I made that one up,
783
00:40:47,760 --> 00:40:49,920
I didn't think the game was going to
continue.
784
00:40:57,320 --> 00:40:59,000
Are we allowed chicken? Yeah.
785
00:40:59,040 --> 00:41:01,000
It's a different word.
No, sorry, you're out.
786
00:41:01,040 --> 00:41:02,720
Really sorry.
787
00:41:02,760 --> 00:41:05,480
But Ballaflew was fine?! Yeah.
788
00:41:11,440 --> 00:41:13,360
Let's play on, Alex.
789
00:41:13,400 --> 00:41:15,360
OK. Your name, please, Greg.
790
00:41:15,400 --> 00:41:16,760
Joe.
791
00:41:16,800 --> 00:41:17,920
Manx shearwater.
792
00:41:17,960 --> 00:41:19,200
Sian.
793
00:41:19,240 --> 00:41:20,560
Whoa!
794
00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:25,680
Duckling.
795
00:41:25,720 --> 00:41:26,720
{\an1}ALARM GOES OFF
796
00:41:26,760 --> 00:41:28,120
OK, we've lost Sian.
797
00:41:28,160 --> 00:41:30,000
We've lost Sian. Oh!
798
00:41:31,760 --> 00:41:33,680
Sorry. Paul, it's with you, sir.
799
00:41:33,720 --> 00:41:35,320
Penguin, Joe.
800
00:41:35,360 --> 00:41:36,600
Puffin, Paul.
801
00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:39,920
Owl, Joe.
802
00:41:39,960 --> 00:41:41,240
Oh...
803
00:41:43,800 --> 00:41:44,840
A-a-aw...
804
00:41:44,880 --> 00:41:46,320
Argh?
805
00:41:46,360 --> 00:41:48,280
{\an1}ALARM GOES OFF
806
00:41:48,320 --> 00:41:50,480
We've lost the bird expert.
807
00:41:51,920 --> 00:41:53,480
Wow.
808
00:41:53,520 --> 00:41:55,800
And I'm starting with you, Lou.
809
00:41:55,840 --> 00:41:58,120
So, this is the final.
Yeah, I know, yeah.
810
00:41:58,160 --> 00:41:59,680
Chaffinch, Paul.
811
00:41:59,720 --> 00:42:01,880
Oh, wait... Stop!
We've had chaffinch.
812
00:42:01,920 --> 00:42:03,200
Lou's out.
813
00:42:03,240 --> 00:42:04,720
Paul is the winner.
814
00:42:07,200 --> 00:42:09,840
Come down and let's see how it's
affected the final scores!
815
00:42:19,320 --> 00:42:21,120
What was all that about, then?
816
00:42:21,160 --> 00:42:23,840
Well, it was a great game of Bird,
Grape, Torch. Really good.
817
00:42:23,880 --> 00:42:24,880
Really good game.
818
00:42:24,920 --> 00:42:28,560
Iain got one, Sian got two, Joe
three, despite knowing birds
819
00:42:28,600 --> 00:42:30,120
like Manx shearwater.
820
00:42:30,160 --> 00:42:31,800
Mm, yeah.
821
00:42:31,840 --> 00:42:33,520
That is weird, isn't it?
822
00:42:34,800 --> 00:42:37,400
Lou came second.
Paul Sinha won five points!
823
00:42:42,960 --> 00:42:45,800
Retaining his job after the rice
fiasco.
824
00:42:47,720 --> 00:42:50,640
And it's close at the top of the
leaderboard. Oh, my God.
825
00:42:50,680 --> 00:42:54,280
Joe Thomas on 20, but the winner of
this episode
826
00:42:54,320 --> 00:42:56,400
is Lou Saunders with 21 points!
827
00:42:59,080 --> 00:43:02,720
Lou Saunders has won!
Please get up and pair up!
828
00:43:02,760 --> 00:43:04,160
Thank you.
829
00:43:07,000 --> 00:43:08,360
So what have we learned today?
830
00:43:08,400 --> 00:43:10,840
We've learnt that if you find
yourself on the quiz
831
00:43:10,880 --> 00:43:13,240
The Chase facing the Sinha man,
don't panic.
832
00:43:13,280 --> 00:43:15,600
He can only go for eight seconds.
833
00:43:15,640 --> 00:43:18,680
And we've also learned that Lou
Saunders won the show,
834
00:43:18,720 --> 00:43:20,120
so very well done to her.
835
00:43:20,160 --> 00:43:21,720
Farewell, night-night.
836
00:43:21,760 --> 00:43:23,200
Lou Saunders!
837
00:43:43,480 --> 00:43:46,480
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