1 00:00:32,580 --> 00:00:35,540 Thank you. You shouldn't have, but you have. 2 00:00:35,580 --> 00:00:38,340 Welcome to Taskmaster with me, your task master, Greg Davies. 3 00:00:38,380 --> 00:00:41,380 People often ask me, "What if the tables were turned? 4 00:00:41,420 --> 00:00:43,596 "How would you like it? How would you feel?" 5 00:00:43,620 --> 00:00:47,420 'These are great questions, but it will never happen, so stop asking me! 6 00:00:47,460 --> 00:00:50,820 Because it's these people who are taking on my tasks 7 00:00:50,860 --> 00:00:54,820 'for the ultimate honour of raising aloft this handsome face-shaped trophy. 8 00:00:54,860 --> 00:00:57,620 Please welcome them. They are Iain Stirling... 9 00:00:58,780 --> 00:01:00,340 ..Joe Thomas... 10 00:01:00,380 --> 00:01:02,180 Lou Sanders... 11 00:01:02,220 --> 00:01:04,100 Paul Sinha... 12 00:01:04,140 --> 00:01:06,220 and Sian Gibson! 13 00:01:07,540 --> 00:01:10,780 And here a man whose name doesn't humiliate him 14 00:01:10,820 --> 00:01:13,220 anywhere near as much as his personality! 15 00:01:13,260 --> 00:01:14,580 It is... Oooh! 16 00:01:17,540 --> 00:01:19,940 It's Alex Horne! 17 00:01:22,820 --> 00:01:25,580 No messing around. Straight into the banter section. 18 00:01:25,620 --> 00:01:27,460 Alex leads this every week. 19 00:01:27,500 --> 00:01:29,020 Let's party! 20 00:01:29,060 --> 00:01:31,500 I've had my regular check-up at the GP's. Yep? 21 00:01:31,540 --> 00:01:34,100 Things are looking good. I've got the results. OK. 22 00:01:34,140 --> 00:01:38,020 Bloods, 100%. All blood, no milk. 23 00:01:38,060 --> 00:01:41,540 Vision, he said I look nice. Weight, 100kg. 24 00:01:41,580 --> 00:01:43,916 Heart-rate, 100 BPM. He's rounded a lot of them up. 25 00:01:43,940 --> 00:01:45,780 Cholesterol 100 KmPH, 26 00:01:45,820 --> 00:01:48,980 Doctor's favourite number, 100, and I can start smoking. 27 00:01:49,020 --> 00:01:52,300 As long as I'm careful, as long as I put it out before the orange bit, 28 00:01:52,340 --> 00:01:53,660 it's fine. 29 00:01:53,700 --> 00:01:55,420 Yep. Alright. Good. 30 00:01:55,460 --> 00:01:57,540 I've got no response to any of that! 31 00:01:57,580 --> 00:02:00,260 Are we starting with something different today, Alex? 32 00:02:00,300 --> 00:02:03,300 Yes, we are. It's the prize task. Yep. 33 00:02:03,340 --> 00:02:07,260 The category this week is the best burstable item. Mm! 34 00:02:07,300 --> 00:02:10,740 Whichever Greg judges is the top of the pops, will get five points. 35 00:02:10,780 --> 00:02:14,420 'At the end of the show, the winner will take home all five burstable items 36 00:02:14,460 --> 00:02:16,740 and go home with an inflated sense of pride. 37 00:02:16,780 --> 00:02:19,620 We're going to start with Joe. What was your burstable item? 38 00:02:19,660 --> 00:02:21,460 A grape. 39 00:02:25,900 --> 00:02:32,460 'It's obvious now that there's a sort of performative, entertainment quality to this show, 40 00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:35,340 whereas I think I treated it more as a sort of data entry. 41 00:02:37,500 --> 00:02:40,340 Can you burst a grape? You can crush a grape. 42 00:02:40,380 --> 00:02:44,460 Sorry! No, no, thank you, Sian. You do crush a grape. 43 00:02:44,500 --> 00:02:46,820 "Ooh, I could crush a grape!" Simple. 44 00:02:47,380 --> 00:02:48,940 Do you think we can burst a grape? 45 00:02:48,980 --> 00:02:53,620 'I think if you pierce it with a pin, it wouldn't burst, I don't think. It wouldn't burst? 46 00:02:53,660 --> 00:02:56,380 Isn't... What about, um... 47 00:02:56,420 --> 00:03:00,300 Oh, I hate to bring it up. Hate to bring it up. Literally, Keats. 48 00:03:00,340 --> 00:03:03,980 'Where I think he says "I would burst against my palate fine"? That's a grape. 49 00:03:04,020 --> 00:03:07,140 No. "Crush against my palate fine." 50 00:03:07,180 --> 00:03:10,100 Aw! That's literally the opposite of what I should have done. 51 00:03:10,140 --> 00:03:12,860 Unforgivable. Is it "crush it again"? 52 00:03:12,900 --> 00:03:14,380 No, of course it isn't! 53 00:03:15,780 --> 00:03:17,820 Paul. Uh, yes, Paul. 54 00:03:17,860 --> 00:03:23,260 'It's a gift from my auntie, my dad's sister, who came to stay with us for four long months last year. 55 00:03:23,300 --> 00:03:26,580 I've got a nephew and a niece. The nephew's five years old. 56 00:03:26,620 --> 00:03:29,460 Likes balloons. So she bought him a balloon. 57 00:03:32,940 --> 00:03:37,060 'Now, there's a lot of debate about what you can and can't teach five-year-old children, 58 00:03:37,100 --> 00:03:41,740 'but what I don't think you can do is give them inflatable penises at Christmas. 59 00:03:41,780 --> 00:03:44,500 It might be me, but do you see a penis in that? No. 60 00:03:44,540 --> 00:03:46,740 No! No, that's just your mind! 61 00:03:46,780 --> 00:03:48,260 There might be a penis in his mouth! 62 00:03:54,980 --> 00:03:58,540 Iain? It's a cuddly bear toy. 63 00:03:58,580 --> 00:04:00,820 That's a great prize. 64 00:04:00,860 --> 00:04:02,860 Now imagine it being burst! 65 00:04:04,260 --> 00:04:09,060 Actually, the joke's on you, because that bear bursts into song! 66 00:04:09,100 --> 00:04:11,860 Oh! That's good. 67 00:04:11,900 --> 00:04:14,620 I was in bed, lying next to my girlfriend, 68 00:04:14,660 --> 00:04:18,060 so I did record the song whilst trying not to wake her. 69 00:04:18,100 --> 00:04:22,940 So the bear does sound like it's creepily whispering. 70 00:04:23,940 --> 00:04:26,221 Do you want to hear it creepily whisper? 71 00:04:26,980 --> 00:04:28,620 ♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo 72 00:04:28,660 --> 00:04:31,340 ♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo 73 00:04:31,380 --> 00:04:32,980 ♪ Doo-di-di-doo 74 00:04:33,020 --> 00:04:34,700 ♪ Di-di-doo-doo-doo! ♪ 75 00:04:36,740 --> 00:04:37,900 Yeah. 76 00:04:38,940 --> 00:04:43,420 'I think the thing that troubles me most of all is how smug the bear's face is. 77 00:04:45,060 --> 00:04:46,140 OK. Lou? 78 00:04:46,180 --> 00:04:48,116 You know how nice it is to burst a coffee pot? 79 00:04:48,140 --> 00:04:50,236 When you push through the thing at the top? 80 00:04:50,260 --> 00:04:52,500 That's the best burst, famously. 81 00:04:52,540 --> 00:04:54,836 This is even better, cos it's a creme brulee. 82 00:04:54,860 --> 00:04:56,940 It's a two-pronged burst, OK? OK. 83 00:04:56,980 --> 00:04:59,196 At the end of it, you've got coffee and pudding. 84 00:04:59,220 --> 00:05:00,740 What am I bursting, Lou? 85 00:05:00,780 --> 00:05:02,420 The gold foil. The gold foil. 86 00:05:02,460 --> 00:05:05,460 I wouldn't do that. I'd run a spoon round the outside, 87 00:05:05,500 --> 00:05:09,260 'I'd lift it off and I'd dispose of it. He always does that. He does always do that. 88 00:05:09,300 --> 00:05:11,276 He knows that! But I've gone the extra mile. 89 00:05:11,300 --> 00:05:13,820 I've put a picture of you on the creme brulee. 90 00:05:17,340 --> 00:05:20,420 Are you suggesting that I'd burst through the top of a creme brulee? 91 00:05:23,460 --> 00:05:27,380 No-one would say, "I can't wait to burst into this creme brulee", Lou! 92 00:05:27,420 --> 00:05:29,420 They would in my family! 93 00:05:30,060 --> 00:05:33,380 What have you got, Sian, because that's obviously shit! 94 00:05:33,420 --> 00:05:36,780 So, I did a 24-hour Zumbathon for charity. 95 00:05:36,820 --> 00:05:38,740 Write that down. 96 00:05:38,780 --> 00:05:41,140 And I got blisters on my feet. 97 00:05:41,180 --> 00:05:43,676 You would have. On a Zumbathon, you're gonna get loads. 98 00:05:43,700 --> 00:05:46,340 But I also got a blister on my bottom. 99 00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:50,620 My husband, using gin, a kettle and a needle... 100 00:05:50,660 --> 00:05:52,260 The classic trio! 101 00:05:53,460 --> 00:05:56,980 ..burst the blister... I didn't know you were married to MacGyver! 102 00:05:58,460 --> 00:06:01,500 Anyone outside of London is a savage, aren't they? 103 00:06:03,820 --> 00:06:06,420 I've recreated it. That's not my actual bum. 104 00:06:06,460 --> 00:06:10,060 Who doesn't want to burst that with a pin? Come on! 105 00:06:10,100 --> 00:06:13,220 Looks very burstable. OK. Shall we give some points out? Yes, OK. 106 00:06:13,260 --> 00:06:16,260 OK. You can't pop a creme brulee. One point. 107 00:06:16,300 --> 00:06:17,620 No! 108 00:06:17,660 --> 00:06:19,500 That doesn't make sense! 109 00:06:19,540 --> 00:06:23,196 'You can't burst it. You can't burst it. ♪ You can't burst a creme brulee. ♪ One point! 110 00:06:23,220 --> 00:06:26,940 Joe, he was good, but not good enough. Two points. 111 00:06:26,980 --> 00:06:31,020 'Three... Sorry, that bear's face just irritated me. Three points for Iain. What?! 112 00:06:31,060 --> 00:06:36,100 'I'm going to give the blister, because it's the prince of burstable things, five points. 113 00:06:36,140 --> 00:06:38,620 And I'm gonna give old Dip-Mag four. 114 00:06:38,660 --> 00:06:41,220 There we go. Five points to Sian Gibson! 115 00:06:41,260 --> 00:06:44,020 It was old but nice. 116 00:06:44,060 --> 00:06:45,956 Right, Alex, what do you have ready for us? 117 00:06:45,980 --> 00:06:49,540 Here's a clue. It's a "lavarly" little task. 118 00:07:03,460 --> 00:07:04,740 Wow. 119 00:07:04,780 --> 00:07:08,900 Hello, Joe. Hiya. How are you, Alex? I'm good, thank you. 120 00:07:10,580 --> 00:07:11,900 Ooh. 121 00:07:11,940 --> 00:07:14,140 "Build the best volcano." 122 00:07:14,180 --> 00:07:18,300 "You have ten minutes to design your volcano blueprint." 123 00:07:18,340 --> 00:07:21,500 "You then have 20 minutes to build and demonstrate your volcano. 124 00:07:21,540 --> 00:07:24,820 "Your time starts... now." 125 00:07:25,540 --> 00:07:27,740 Um, what have I got to build with? 126 00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:29,980 We need cork, yeah? 127 00:07:30,020 --> 00:07:32,580 It's like bicarbonate of soda and something. 128 00:07:32,620 --> 00:07:36,420 What's the kind of... The one that... Like Mentos and cola? 129 00:07:36,460 --> 00:07:38,100 Is that a thing? 130 00:07:38,140 --> 00:07:40,180 Mentos, yeah? 131 00:07:40,220 --> 00:07:42,860 That'll go up like Christmas! 132 00:07:43,100 --> 00:07:46,380 If you burn sugar, does that erupt? 133 00:07:46,420 --> 00:07:48,220 That's your lava. 134 00:07:48,260 --> 00:07:50,940 Sorted... Red jelly. Red jelly. 135 00:07:55,220 --> 00:07:57,540 Then how do I make the "cano" bit? 136 00:07:57,580 --> 00:08:00,500 I'm gonna build... a mountain. 137 00:08:00,540 --> 00:08:02,340 With a hole. 138 00:08:03,820 --> 00:08:06,260 Can I get a volcano mould? 139 00:08:07,460 --> 00:08:09,380 Still thinking? Mm-hm. 140 00:08:10,900 --> 00:08:14,500 It's just a bit of pipe or something, isn't it? Like, um... 141 00:08:14,540 --> 00:08:16,300 Like a vase. 142 00:08:16,340 --> 00:08:19,860 'I'm not sure exactly where the Pringles tube comes into this, but... 143 00:08:21,260 --> 00:08:22,460 I'm excited at that. 144 00:08:22,500 --> 00:08:25,260 So I'm gonna put that round and then... 145 00:08:25,300 --> 00:08:26,340 Yes, that'll do. 146 00:08:26,900 --> 00:08:28,580 And that, my friend, 147 00:08:28,620 --> 00:08:30,900 is a volcano. 148 00:08:31,420 --> 00:08:33,420 Bye-bye. Bye-bye! 149 00:08:36,860 --> 00:08:41,740 Lovely. Iain said at one point, "How do I build the "cano" bit? 150 00:08:42,700 --> 00:08:46,420 'I'm just interested in your distinction between "vol" and "cano". 151 00:08:46,460 --> 00:08:51,180 I assumed that the "vol" that's your liquid... 152 00:08:53,140 --> 00:08:55,340 ..and the "cano" is the solid. 153 00:08:55,380 --> 00:08:57,500 Vol and cano. Thank you. 154 00:08:57,540 --> 00:08:59,460 I believe it was Keats that once... 155 00:09:02,100 --> 00:09:07,820 'First to the table is the classically-trained volcano impresario, Joe Thomas. 156 00:09:07,860 --> 00:09:10,860 Prepare. Right. Ooh. OK. 157 00:09:10,900 --> 00:09:12,540 Ready? Yes. 158 00:09:15,540 --> 00:09:17,140 Yep, that's alright. 159 00:09:18,780 --> 00:09:20,540 That works. It's good, isn't it? 160 00:09:22,100 --> 00:09:23,620 Aghh-aghh. 161 00:09:27,860 --> 00:09:29,300 Right. 162 00:09:29,340 --> 00:09:32,100 That's the first... That's the first eruption. 163 00:09:34,260 --> 00:09:35,900 How long? 30 seconds. 164 00:09:35,940 --> 00:09:37,300 Right. Hold on. 165 00:09:58,460 --> 00:10:01,820 Such a spectacular second eruption, as well! 166 00:10:01,860 --> 00:10:03,716 It was good, with those Mentos things. 167 00:10:03,740 --> 00:10:06,836 'Maybe that's what happened in Pompeii and that's why they were so frozen! 168 00:10:06,860 --> 00:10:09,540 Right. They did have that big Mentos factory there, didn't they? 169 00:10:11,260 --> 00:10:13,540 Next, it's someone who, like me, 170 00:10:13,580 --> 00:10:15,756 is actually quite tall in real life. Iain Stirling. 171 00:10:15,780 --> 00:10:17,940 I'm six foot two. Five foot four! 172 00:10:22,860 --> 00:10:24,500 Come on! 173 00:10:30,780 --> 00:10:32,260 As many as you can get in there. 174 00:10:32,700 --> 00:10:35,180 We can actually do more than that, I reckon. A bit more. 175 00:10:39,820 --> 00:10:41,820 Josh there. Rob's at the top. 176 00:10:41,860 --> 00:10:45,420 Bob's down there. Noel's perched there, and Katherine's here. 177 00:10:45,460 --> 00:10:47,020 They're all conquerors. 178 00:10:47,660 --> 00:10:50,740 This is dedicated to all the Champions of Champions! 179 00:10:50,780 --> 00:10:52,940 I hope to join you all, one day, 180 00:10:52,980 --> 00:10:55,540 on this magnificent volcano! 181 00:10:55,580 --> 00:10:56,820 Go in. 182 00:11:11,660 --> 00:11:13,020 No! 183 00:11:14,540 --> 00:11:16,020 No! No! 184 00:11:16,060 --> 00:11:19,020 'WHISTLE No! That's your ten minutes up, Iain. 185 00:11:22,900 --> 00:11:24,660 We've all been there! 186 00:11:28,180 --> 00:11:29,860 Increasingly, I find! 187 00:11:31,140 --> 00:11:34,860 I mean, I'm so genuinely heartbroken by it, 188 00:11:34,900 --> 00:11:37,580 I can't even begin to ridicule you. 189 00:11:37,620 --> 00:11:40,940 I think it's, um... It's a crying shame. 190 00:11:40,980 --> 00:11:44,140 The engineering, the vision. And then that! 191 00:11:45,900 --> 00:11:49,100 And then the cry of, "I'll see you in the Champion of Champions!" 192 00:11:51,820 --> 00:11:53,220 It's just... 193 00:11:53,260 --> 00:11:56,580 It's a Shakespearean tragedy! 194 00:11:56,620 --> 00:11:58,220 How do you feel? I gen... 195 00:11:59,460 --> 00:12:01,820 I genuinely don't want to talk about it! 196 00:12:03,300 --> 00:12:05,100 I... That's absolutely fine. 197 00:12:06,700 --> 00:12:08,300 OK. We're gonna pause for a second 198 00:12:08,340 --> 00:12:13,780 because it's time now for the first part of The Advert Show! Enjoy. 199 00:12:22,540 --> 00:12:24,700 Hello! Hello. We are back. 200 00:12:24,740 --> 00:12:28,700 Over now to my tiny assistant, Alex Horne, to fill you in on the detail. 201 00:12:28,740 --> 00:12:30,700 Am I on? I'm on! 202 00:12:30,740 --> 00:12:33,420 Thanks, Greg. What a show this is turning out to be. 203 00:12:33,460 --> 00:12:38,100 'Before the break, we saw two volcanoes made for the current volcano-making task. 204 00:12:38,140 --> 00:12:43,380 And one of them proved to be active. Next to erupt, it's Paul Sinha! 205 00:12:44,660 --> 00:12:47,300 You can clearly see it's got the geology, the shape 206 00:12:47,340 --> 00:12:49,420 and the ecology of a volcano. 207 00:12:49,460 --> 00:12:52,020 It's bubbling under. The villagers are starting to panic. 208 00:12:52,060 --> 00:12:54,540 This is Pompeii, 79 AD, all over again. 209 00:12:54,580 --> 00:12:56,700 Is it? We're about to find out. 210 00:13:19,700 --> 00:13:21,260 Amazing. 211 00:13:22,380 --> 00:13:23,980 I need a cigarette after that! 212 00:13:24,020 --> 00:13:25,900 Really? Yeah, I do! 213 00:13:29,260 --> 00:13:32,140 I think the build-up was sensational. 214 00:13:32,180 --> 00:13:35,900 So much lovely back story. But I think the answer to the question, 215 00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:38,740 "Is this Pompeii 79 AD all over again?" 216 00:13:38,780 --> 00:13:40,260 is "No!" 217 00:13:41,500 --> 00:13:45,260 'Throughout the task, Paul did list the highest volcanoes in the world. Oh. 218 00:13:45,300 --> 00:13:48,060 What is the highest volcano in the world? I think it's Chimborazo. 219 00:13:48,100 --> 00:13:51,060 Chimborazo. What's the smallest volcano in the world? 220 00:13:51,100 --> 00:13:52,260 That! 221 00:13:56,580 --> 00:13:58,100 Love it! 222 00:13:58,980 --> 00:14:00,940 Next up? Another volcano. 223 00:14:00,980 --> 00:14:04,380 OK. Sian Gibson next. Here's how she got on. 224 00:14:06,060 --> 00:14:07,780 Put a bit of soil around. 225 00:14:09,340 --> 00:14:10,500 Fire. 226 00:14:10,540 --> 00:14:12,500 Mine's like a party volcano. 227 00:14:12,540 --> 00:14:15,420 Pipe cleaners, plastic lava. 228 00:14:15,460 --> 00:14:16,740 Right. 229 00:14:17,860 --> 00:14:19,460 Are you ready? I'm ready. 230 00:14:24,620 --> 00:14:26,140 Yay! 231 00:14:26,180 --> 00:14:28,300 It's a bonfire! 232 00:14:28,340 --> 00:14:30,060 No, it's a volcano! 233 00:14:32,500 --> 00:14:34,700 It's on fire, now, Sian. It's a real fire. 234 00:14:34,740 --> 00:14:36,980 Thanks, Sian. Thank you. 235 00:14:40,460 --> 00:14:42,620 I don't think I understood the task! 236 00:14:42,660 --> 00:14:46,380 'It seemed to be it had already erupted cos there was "jelly" everywhere. 237 00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:50,380 So was it a second eruption? I just want to get... 238 00:14:50,420 --> 00:14:53,180 Does that happen, Paul? Do you have a second eruption? 239 00:14:54,180 --> 00:14:57,020 Do you get second eruptions? Quite frequently, yeah. 240 00:14:57,060 --> 00:14:58,956 Yes. So it didn't erupt. It didn't erupt. 241 00:14:58,980 --> 00:15:01,060 It didn't say it had to erupt. 242 00:15:01,100 --> 00:15:04,860 There was no vol, there was no vol, there was no vol! 243 00:15:04,900 --> 00:15:06,780 There was a lot of cano, though! 244 00:15:06,820 --> 00:15:08,020 Yeah! 245 00:15:08,060 --> 00:15:11,020 It's all about scaling up. Real cano. Did it say in the task 246 00:15:11,060 --> 00:15:13,060 do an erupting volcano? Yep. 247 00:15:13,100 --> 00:15:16,860 It says, "Build the best volcano." Oh, I apologise. Yes. 248 00:15:16,900 --> 00:15:17,900 Sorry! 249 00:15:17,940 --> 00:15:21,140 Do you want to do the last one? Yep. OK. 250 00:15:21,180 --> 00:15:23,380 The last to go off, it's Lou Sanders. 251 00:15:24,420 --> 00:15:26,620 Volcano. OK. 252 00:15:32,540 --> 00:15:34,260 That's actually lovely. 253 00:15:35,460 --> 00:15:37,220 I'm ready for the big finale. 254 00:15:37,260 --> 00:15:39,660 And by that, I mean, "Can we turn the lights out?" 255 00:15:58,140 --> 00:16:01,140 Another job done. Thank you. 256 00:16:01,180 --> 00:16:02,940 Pretty good. Pretty good. 257 00:16:04,180 --> 00:16:06,420 Her topography was sweet! 258 00:16:07,260 --> 00:16:09,940 I put a couple of turds on it. What can I say? 259 00:16:09,980 --> 00:16:14,580 'I think the aftermath of the eruption perhaps didn't look as spectacular as you'd hoped. Yeah. 260 00:16:14,620 --> 00:16:16,340 But mid-eruption... It was lovely. 261 00:16:16,380 --> 00:16:18,836 Very good. We were having a right old time of it, weren't we? 262 00:16:18,860 --> 00:16:22,980 'I really enjoyed it. She tried to mould it round a witch's hat, and that was too floppy, 263 00:16:23,020 --> 00:16:26,500 so then we got the rock. It was quite sensible. Yeah. 264 00:16:26,540 --> 00:16:29,060 Yes. Even a witch's hat has got some logic to it. 265 00:16:29,100 --> 00:16:30,700 Yes, yes. Yes. 266 00:16:30,740 --> 00:16:34,980 'So I thought they were all really good volcanoes and this is very difficult. 267 00:16:35,020 --> 00:16:37,700 So I'll tell you this. I'm not gonna give anyone just one point. 268 00:16:37,740 --> 00:16:41,860 OK. I'm going to give Sian and Ian two points. 269 00:16:41,900 --> 00:16:44,860 Wh... No! I'm happy with that. 270 00:16:44,900 --> 00:16:46,780 Thank you, Sian. 271 00:16:46,820 --> 00:16:48,340 And that, young man, is a lesson. 272 00:16:50,220 --> 00:16:53,060 OK. We've got joint fourth. Anyone in third? Yes, 273 00:16:53,100 --> 00:16:58,420 'with three points, I'm going to give the hot, thin, high stream of piss volcano. 274 00:17:01,420 --> 00:17:03,476 Paul Sinha. That's Paul's. OK. Three points. 275 00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:07,220 'And I am really struggling because the other two were both so spectacular. 276 00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:10,100 I'm gonna give them both five points. Oh! 277 00:17:11,660 --> 00:17:12,820 OK. 278 00:17:14,220 --> 00:17:16,580 I'd really like a scoreboard update. 279 00:17:16,620 --> 00:17:18,276 And I want to make you happy. Here we go. 280 00:17:18,300 --> 00:17:21,420 We have three people in a tie for first place. It looks like this. 281 00:17:21,460 --> 00:17:24,140 Joe, Paul and Sian on seven points. 282 00:17:29,980 --> 00:17:31,620 Next, what do you have for me? 283 00:17:31,660 --> 00:17:37,500 'It's time to settle down, grab some popcorn and watch a little film I've called The Horne Identity. 284 00:17:37,540 --> 00:17:39,060 Here we go. 285 00:17:52,700 --> 00:17:55,700 "Work out what Alex Horne is wearing next door." 286 00:17:55,740 --> 00:17:59,580 "Both you and Alex must stay in your seats at all times." 287 00:17:59,620 --> 00:18:03,500 "Alex Horne may only communicate with Alex Horne's horn." 288 00:18:03,540 --> 00:18:06,900 "You have a maximum of 15 minutes. Fastest wins. Your time starts now." 289 00:18:06,940 --> 00:18:09,236 You can blow your horn to say you can hear me. 290 00:18:14,460 --> 00:18:18,820 Pretty straightforward horn code system task. Yes. A simple task. 291 00:18:18,860 --> 00:18:21,580 Looked very expensive. Why was it not done in the caravan? 292 00:18:26,060 --> 00:18:28,380 Fancied a day out to a train, did we? 293 00:18:28,420 --> 00:18:30,436 I like trains. I do like trains. I like... 294 00:18:30,460 --> 00:18:33,180 We'll speak about that later. Let's crack on. 295 00:18:33,220 --> 00:18:36,100 It's a simple task of communication and brain power. 296 00:18:36,140 --> 00:18:38,820 So we're gonna start with a clever brain person, so Thomas. 297 00:18:40,860 --> 00:18:42,100 Let's... 298 00:18:42,140 --> 00:18:43,740 Could I... 299 00:18:44,700 --> 00:18:45,940 Um... 300 00:18:45,980 --> 00:18:48,060 What I'm gonna ask is, uh... 301 00:18:48,100 --> 00:18:53,020 If the answer is yes, can you toot once, 302 00:18:53,060 --> 00:18:56,180 and if the answer is no, can you toot twice? 303 00:18:56,220 --> 00:18:58,660 Can you toot once to show you've understood that? 304 00:18:59,660 --> 00:19:00,740 Toot! 305 00:19:00,780 --> 00:19:03,420 Are you wearing a pair of underpants? Toot! 306 00:19:03,460 --> 00:19:07,820 Are you wearing some sort of all-in-one costume or outfit? 307 00:19:07,860 --> 00:19:09,100 Toot! 308 00:19:09,140 --> 00:19:10,780 Um... 309 00:19:12,900 --> 00:19:17,300 'Are you wearing something that is actually designed to be worn as clothes? 310 00:19:17,340 --> 00:19:19,220 Toot! Toot! Toot! 311 00:19:19,260 --> 00:19:23,220 Is three toots a way of saying it's ambiguous? 312 00:19:23,260 --> 00:19:24,860 Toot! 313 00:19:24,900 --> 00:19:26,620 OK. 314 00:19:26,660 --> 00:19:28,580 Oh, man. Um... 315 00:19:28,620 --> 00:19:31,300 Is it made of soft fabric? 316 00:19:31,340 --> 00:19:32,380 Toot! 317 00:19:32,420 --> 00:19:35,100 Is it, um, is it a mascot costume? 318 00:19:35,140 --> 00:19:37,220 Toot! Toot! Toot! 319 00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:38,940 Sorry. Sorry, I've forgotten. 320 00:19:38,980 --> 00:19:42,540 Is it... Is it soft? Toot! 321 00:19:42,580 --> 00:19:45,140 Are you dressed as an animal? Toot! 322 00:19:45,180 --> 00:19:48,780 Is it a furry animal? Toot! Toot! Toot! 323 00:19:49,860 --> 00:19:52,660 Is it a warm-blooded animal? Toot! 324 00:19:52,700 --> 00:19:55,940 Um... Some sort of big cat? 325 00:19:55,980 --> 00:19:57,620 Dog? Rodent? 326 00:19:57,660 --> 00:19:59,580 Mammal? Toot! Toot! 327 00:19:59,620 --> 00:20:02,900 Is it a usual pet? Toot! Toot! Toot! 328 00:20:02,940 --> 00:20:04,220 Ohhh. 329 00:20:04,260 --> 00:20:07,580 Are you just... Have I asked... Are you just a bear? 330 00:20:07,620 --> 00:20:09,820 Are you a mammal? Toot! Toot! 331 00:20:09,860 --> 00:20:11,740 But you are warm-blooded? Toot! 332 00:20:11,780 --> 00:20:15,540 Is this animal a character from some sort of fictional... 333 00:20:17,180 --> 00:20:19,100 Ohhh. Um... 334 00:20:22,660 --> 00:20:24,820 Wallaby. 335 00:20:30,940 --> 00:20:32,500 Woo! 336 00:20:32,540 --> 00:20:35,140 It seems you spent a lot of time establishing a system, 337 00:20:35,180 --> 00:20:39,380 but then you just totally ignored all the answers you got back! 338 00:20:39,420 --> 00:20:42,540 Alex introduced this element of ambiguity, which was... 339 00:20:42,580 --> 00:20:45,460 I think Alex, if anything, I should be telling Alex off 340 00:20:45,500 --> 00:20:47,596 for helping you out with his three-honk system. 341 00:20:47,620 --> 00:20:49,180 Thank you 342 00:20:49,220 --> 00:20:51,740 I said I couldn't understand what three honks meant. 343 00:20:51,780 --> 00:20:56,060 'You worked it out pretty quickly. I worked it out. One of the few things you did work out! 344 00:20:56,100 --> 00:20:58,660 Before you sighed and said, "Wallaby"! 345 00:20:59,860 --> 00:21:02,660 I was not ambiguous about whether or not it was a mammal. 346 00:21:02,700 --> 00:21:05,260 And then after I said that, you mainly said, "mammal". 347 00:21:05,660 --> 00:21:08,100 I couldn't quite remember the difference between 348 00:21:08,140 --> 00:21:11,780 warm, like, warm-blooded mammal... 349 00:21:11,820 --> 00:21:15,580 'Mate, you got stuck in the mammal groove. That's fine. We've all done it. OK. 350 00:21:15,620 --> 00:21:19,580 'Let's stop for a bit. Am I worried whether you'll return after the break? Absolutely not. 351 00:21:19,620 --> 00:21:21,980 Because one of these guys is gonna win a grape! 352 00:21:31,860 --> 00:21:34,036 Hello, and welcome back to Taskmaster. 353 00:21:34,060 --> 00:21:35,700 Horne's horn. 354 00:21:35,740 --> 00:21:37,756 Horns. And Horne's horn, to be precise. 355 00:21:37,780 --> 00:21:39,740 The next two to decipher my honks 356 00:21:39,780 --> 00:21:42,100 are and 357 00:21:42,140 --> 00:21:44,940 Paul and Iain? Correct. 358 00:21:46,100 --> 00:21:49,500 Honk once for yes, honk twice for no. 359 00:21:49,540 --> 00:21:51,220 Do you understand? 360 00:21:51,260 --> 00:21:52,220 Toot! 361 00:21:52,260 --> 00:21:55,180 Do you have a hat on? Toot! Toot! 362 00:21:55,220 --> 00:21:57,500 Trousers of any kind? Toot! Toot! 363 00:21:57,540 --> 00:22:00,220 No? Do you have shorts on? 364 00:22:00,260 --> 00:22:02,260 Toot! Toot! 365 00:22:02,300 --> 00:22:03,780 You're not wearing clothes? 366 00:22:03,820 --> 00:22:05,780 Skirt? Toot! Toot! 367 00:22:05,820 --> 00:22:06,620 Fuck! 368 00:22:06,660 --> 00:22:09,860 Are you wearing a shirt? Do you have a dress on? 369 00:22:09,900 --> 00:22:11,700 Toot! Toot! No! 370 00:22:11,740 --> 00:22:14,500 Leggings? Toot! Toot! Tights? Toot! Toot! 371 00:22:14,540 --> 00:22:16,220 A wetsuit? 372 00:22:16,260 --> 00:22:18,660 Leotard? Long Johns? 373 00:22:18,700 --> 00:22:20,660 Toot! Toot! Dammit! 374 00:22:20,700 --> 00:22:22,780 Is it a onesie? Toot! 375 00:22:22,820 --> 00:22:25,076 Are you wearing anything on your feet? Toot! 376 00:22:25,100 --> 00:22:26,460 Do you have shoes on? 377 00:22:26,500 --> 00:22:27,940 Socks? Flip-flops? 378 00:22:27,980 --> 00:22:29,540 Slippers? Toot! Toot! 379 00:22:29,580 --> 00:22:31,460 Do you have a tail? Toot! 380 00:22:31,500 --> 00:22:34,060 Are you dressed as an animal? Toot! 381 00:22:34,100 --> 00:22:35,180 Yes! 382 00:22:35,220 --> 00:22:38,060 A lion? Is it a mammal? Toot! Toot! 383 00:22:38,100 --> 00:22:40,460 No! Is it a bird? Toot! 384 00:22:40,500 --> 00:22:42,500 Tiger? Bear? Chicken? 385 00:22:42,540 --> 00:22:44,980 Crocodile? Kangaroo? Badger? 386 00:22:45,020 --> 00:22:46,020 Toot! Toot! 387 00:22:46,060 --> 00:22:51,140 Does the species that the bird is known by begin with the letter A? 388 00:22:51,180 --> 00:22:53,500 Toot! Toot! B? Toot! Toot! 389 00:22:53,540 --> 00:22:55,260 Larger than a human? 390 00:22:55,300 --> 00:22:58,500 Toot! Toot! A jungle creature that's smaller than a human? 391 00:22:58,540 --> 00:23:00,140 Crocodile? 392 00:23:00,180 --> 00:23:02,340 O? Toot! Toot! P? Toot! 393 00:23:02,380 --> 00:23:04,420 Is it a pigeon? Toot! Toot! 394 00:23:04,460 --> 00:23:06,060 Meerkat? Toot! Toot! 395 00:23:06,100 --> 00:23:09,820 Aghh! Does the name of this bird have one syllable? Toot! Toot! 396 00:23:09,860 --> 00:23:11,460 Is it a bird? Toot! 397 00:23:11,500 --> 00:23:13,380 Is it a partridge? Toot! Toot! 398 00:23:13,420 --> 00:23:15,140 Pelican? Toot! Toot! 399 00:23:15,180 --> 00:23:16,060 Aghh! 400 00:23:16,100 --> 00:23:19,700 Is the third letter of this word a B? Toot! Toot! 401 00:23:19,740 --> 00:23:22,220 Parrot? Toot! 402 00:23:24,220 --> 00:23:26,740 Alex Horne is wearing a parrot onesie! Stop the clock! 403 00:23:26,780 --> 00:23:28,540 Are you dressed as a parrot? 404 00:23:28,580 --> 00:23:29,980 Toot! 405 00:23:32,100 --> 00:23:36,180 'A man that believes that a still-water crocodile is smaller than a human being... 406 00:23:36,900 --> 00:23:40,020 OK. ..has just beaten me to a parrot! 407 00:23:40,060 --> 00:23:42,340 Iain, you can't go on any quiz show ever, 408 00:23:42,380 --> 00:23:45,660 because you give an answer, and then you go, "Fuck!" 409 00:23:48,300 --> 00:23:50,020 That's your system! 410 00:23:50,060 --> 00:23:53,300 But you don't understand, I said so many animals! 411 00:23:53,340 --> 00:23:55,476 You stuck to your system for a long time. 412 00:23:55,500 --> 00:23:59,420 You got P-A-R, and still were guessing. You knew it was a bird, 413 00:23:59,460 --> 00:24:01,100 and you got to P-A-R..! 414 00:24:01,140 --> 00:24:03,140 And you'd ruled partridge out! 415 00:24:05,420 --> 00:24:10,300 OK, well, shouty madman, 37 seconds and seven minutes. 416 00:24:10,340 --> 00:24:11,980 OK. And clever stupid man? 417 00:24:13,420 --> 00:24:16,660 Clever stupid man, 36 seconds and eight minutes. 418 00:24:16,700 --> 00:24:18,180 Well done. 419 00:24:18,220 --> 00:24:21,260 Just 59 seconds in it, but Iain currently in the lead. 420 00:24:21,300 --> 00:24:25,820 Next, it's time to send in the SAS - Sian and Sanders. 421 00:24:25,860 --> 00:24:27,820 Remember, one for yes, two for no. 422 00:24:27,860 --> 00:24:30,620 That is the system. That should always be the system. 423 00:24:32,700 --> 00:24:36,260 Can you honk once for yes, and twice for no? 424 00:24:36,300 --> 00:24:37,340 Toot! 425 00:24:37,380 --> 00:24:40,460 OK. So, two for yes, one for no? 426 00:24:40,500 --> 00:24:43,300 Toot! Toot! Cool. 427 00:24:43,340 --> 00:24:46,140 Are you wearing clothes? Toot! 428 00:24:46,180 --> 00:24:48,900 Are you wearing something of nationality 429 00:24:48,940 --> 00:24:53,500 like a Scottish outfit or Norwegian? Toot! Yeah, sure. 430 00:24:53,540 --> 00:24:56,300 Are there... Are there... Are they... Ooh. 431 00:24:56,340 --> 00:24:59,060 Are they fancy dress clothes? Toot! 432 00:24:59,100 --> 00:25:01,460 Are you a woman? Toot! Toot! 433 00:25:01,500 --> 00:25:04,820 Are you dressed as a theme? Toot! Toot! Yes. OK. 434 00:25:04,860 --> 00:25:06,660 Are you an animal? Toot! 435 00:25:06,700 --> 00:25:08,580 Is it duck-themed? 436 00:25:08,620 --> 00:25:12,180 Toot! Are you a jungle animal? Toot! 437 00:25:12,220 --> 00:25:13,900 Are you colourful? Toot! Toot! 438 00:25:13,940 --> 00:25:16,740 Would I have seen you in The Lion King? Toot! 439 00:25:16,780 --> 00:25:19,300 Are you a lion? Toot! Toot! 440 00:25:19,340 --> 00:25:21,180 Oh... 441 00:25:22,300 --> 00:25:24,060 Are you a crocodile? Swan. 442 00:25:24,100 --> 00:25:27,180 Are you an elephant? Are you a frog? Toot! 443 00:25:27,220 --> 00:25:29,260 Are you cute? Toot! Aw! 444 00:25:30,180 --> 00:25:31,860 Are you a bird? Toot! Toot! 445 00:25:31,900 --> 00:25:33,500 You're a bird?! Toot! Toot! 446 00:25:33,540 --> 00:25:35,420 A giraffe? Are you a pigeon? 447 00:25:35,460 --> 00:25:37,780 A rhino? A wood pigeon? 448 00:25:38,220 --> 00:25:39,740 Are you a bird? Toot! 449 00:25:39,780 --> 00:25:41,780 Alan Partridge? Toot! 450 00:25:42,620 --> 00:25:44,060 Parrot? Toot! 451 00:25:44,100 --> 00:25:46,020 Parrot! Toot! Toot! 452 00:25:49,420 --> 00:25:53,140 Pretty efficient stuff from both contestants, I thought. 453 00:25:53,180 --> 00:25:55,340 Two or three hesitations. 454 00:25:55,380 --> 00:26:00,820 'One was where you very sweetly just paused to go, "Aw!", when you found out Alex was cute. 455 00:26:00,860 --> 00:26:02,956 Although you'll have to take his word for it. 456 00:26:02,980 --> 00:26:07,140 I enjoyed you, the sub-sections of the pigeon community you explored! 457 00:26:09,100 --> 00:26:10,980 I don't know who won. 458 00:26:11,020 --> 00:26:13,780 My instinct is that Sian's efficiency... Mm. 459 00:26:13,820 --> 00:26:16,820 And that's it. You tell me. I will. I will tell you. 460 00:26:16,860 --> 00:26:20,300 Bear in mind Joe never found out that I was a parrot. 461 00:26:20,340 --> 00:26:21,980 No, he did not. He did not. 462 00:26:22,020 --> 00:26:25,140 Iain currently in the lead with seven minutes 37. 463 00:26:25,180 --> 00:26:28,300 Lou, seven minutes 11 seconds. 464 00:26:28,340 --> 00:26:29,860 Wow. 465 00:26:31,380 --> 00:26:33,660 Sian, though... Oh. 466 00:26:33,700 --> 00:26:36,100 314 seconds. 467 00:26:36,940 --> 00:26:39,860 Five minutes 14! She's the winner by a mile! 468 00:26:42,660 --> 00:26:44,460 So it's nought points for Joe, 469 00:26:44,500 --> 00:26:46,740 two for Paul, three for Iain, four for Lou. 470 00:26:46,780 --> 00:26:49,460 But five points to Sian Gibson! Boom! Boom! 471 00:26:49,500 --> 00:26:50,980 Fantastic! 472 00:26:51,020 --> 00:26:53,620 Can we have another one of those task things, please? 473 00:26:53,660 --> 00:26:58,540 Yes. Welcome, all, to the Taskmaster confessional. 474 00:27:09,180 --> 00:27:12,140 "Alex is in the living room." 475 00:27:12,180 --> 00:27:16,300 '"In 20 minutes from now, you must apologise to Alex for something you've done in that time." 476 00:27:16,340 --> 00:27:19,820 "Best apology for worst thing wins. 477 00:27:19,860 --> 00:27:23,300 "Your time starts now." 478 00:27:23,820 --> 00:27:24,940 OK. 479 00:27:24,980 --> 00:27:26,876 OK. I've got to do something really bad. 480 00:27:26,900 --> 00:27:28,060 Uh... 481 00:27:28,100 --> 00:27:31,260 I mean, I'm very really affected by guilt, anyway, 482 00:27:31,300 --> 00:27:36,420 'so I could probably go now and just apologise for the way I've lived my life! 483 00:27:36,460 --> 00:27:39,020 We've got to get a guitar. 484 00:27:43,340 --> 00:27:45,460 What can I do with a poo? 485 00:27:49,860 --> 00:27:52,580 I'll go and find a guitar. There must be a guitar somewhere. 486 00:27:55,780 --> 00:28:00,660 They're quite a contrasting set of super-villains, there! 487 00:28:00,700 --> 00:28:03,780 Iain was absolutely that he was gonna be guitar-based. 488 00:28:03,820 --> 00:28:06,020 He knew that from the start. 489 00:28:06,060 --> 00:28:08,700 Joe just apologising for his existence! 490 00:28:10,700 --> 00:28:14,900 By far the most sinister was the man who said nothing! 491 00:28:16,780 --> 00:28:18,860 That's the more sinister aim! 492 00:28:18,900 --> 00:28:21,700 OK. Well, it's not an easy task for me, this. 493 00:28:21,740 --> 00:28:25,540 'They had to do the best apology for the worst thing. Yes. So judging it on two counts. 494 00:28:25,580 --> 00:28:28,620 We're gonna find out what naughty boy Joe Thomas got up to first. 495 00:28:28,660 --> 00:28:30,580 What a naughty boy. Naughty boy! 496 00:28:30,620 --> 00:28:33,940 Oh, Alex. Hello, Joe. I just wanted to have a quick word. 497 00:28:33,980 --> 00:28:37,300 Um... It's a number of things, really. I'm enjoying the tasks, 498 00:28:37,340 --> 00:28:39,860 but there's a few things I've been mildly annoyed about. 499 00:28:39,900 --> 00:28:44,900 And, um, I've sent it to you on your phone. It's a sung message. 500 00:28:44,940 --> 00:28:47,156 Are you apologising for a song I'm about to listen to? 501 00:28:47,180 --> 00:28:49,500 I'm apologising if it causes any offence, 502 00:28:49,540 --> 00:28:53,100 but I thought it was best to sort of clear the air. 503 00:28:53,140 --> 00:28:56,820 ♪ Oh, have you heard the good news 504 00:28:57,820 --> 00:29:01,020 ♪ Alex Horne is finally dead 505 00:29:02,460 --> 00:29:04,540 ♪ Now that Alex is dead 506 00:29:04,580 --> 00:29:08,860 ♪ I feel like I can finally breathe... ♪ 507 00:29:08,900 --> 00:29:10,380 It's quite harsh. 508 00:29:10,420 --> 00:29:12,700 ♪ Alex's murder 509 00:29:12,740 --> 00:29:15,620 ♪ Is evidence for the existence of God 510 00:29:15,660 --> 00:29:17,260 Alex's murder? Well, yeah. 511 00:29:17,300 --> 00:29:19,180 Um, murder is a bit strong. 512 00:29:19,820 --> 00:29:21,780 ♪ I personally shifted him off 513 00:29:21,820 --> 00:29:23,500 ♪ And I did 514 00:29:25,380 --> 00:29:30,060 ♪ Fuck... off... Alex! ♪ 515 00:29:31,460 --> 00:29:33,836 And you stand by what you said? I stand by those feelings. 516 00:29:33,860 --> 00:29:38,100 I'm not saying I'd act on them necessarily today or this week. 517 00:29:38,140 --> 00:29:40,820 Thank you for coming to see me. I appreciate your honesty. 518 00:29:40,860 --> 00:29:42,180 No problem. OK. 519 00:29:42,220 --> 00:29:44,980 Well, good stuff. You're a good bloke. 520 00:29:45,020 --> 00:29:47,660 OK. OK, thanks, Joe. See you later. 521 00:29:50,900 --> 00:29:53,620 I don't know. I got a bit lost in it. 522 00:29:53,660 --> 00:29:55,180 I enjoyed it. Yes. 523 00:29:55,220 --> 00:29:57,300 There's so many lines I enjoyed. 524 00:29:57,340 --> 00:30:01,980 "Alex's murder would be evidence for the existence of God." 525 00:30:03,300 --> 00:30:05,860 Yes. It was pretty harsh, as well. 526 00:30:05,900 --> 00:30:08,396 It was an awful thing to say! A terrible thing to say. 527 00:30:08,420 --> 00:30:10,660 I didn't feel the apology was great. 528 00:30:10,700 --> 00:30:13,140 He said you were a "good bloke", at the end. 529 00:30:13,180 --> 00:30:15,980 Yeah, he gave me a thumbs up. Thumbs up and I shuffled off. 530 00:30:16,020 --> 00:30:17,500 "Good bloke", thumbs up. Yeah. 531 00:30:17,540 --> 00:30:19,340 So, Alex, what more do you want? 532 00:30:19,380 --> 00:30:21,820 OK. Who's next? OK. Next up, 533 00:30:21,860 --> 00:30:25,860 a Sinha by name. Let's see how bad he really is. It's Paul. 534 00:30:28,020 --> 00:30:30,380 Hello, Paul. I'm so, so sorry. 535 00:30:30,420 --> 00:30:32,020 What are you sorry for? 536 00:30:32,060 --> 00:30:34,020 I've been under a lot of stress. 537 00:30:34,060 --> 00:30:38,100 I've been on this 5:2 diet which has caused me cravings. 538 00:30:38,140 --> 00:30:39,780 And I just walked in this morning 539 00:30:39,820 --> 00:30:44,020 and I'm meant to be on a two-day 600 calories 540 00:30:44,060 --> 00:30:45,820 and I opened up the fridge 541 00:30:45,860 --> 00:30:49,060 and there was all sorts of deliciousness there. 542 00:30:54,340 --> 00:30:56,556 I had a bit of a crisis. What have you done, Paul? 543 00:30:56,580 --> 00:30:59,820 I kind of destroyed the fridge. I've been very selfish. 544 00:31:03,620 --> 00:31:05,580 I'm so sorry. 545 00:31:05,620 --> 00:31:07,140 I just lost my mind. 546 00:31:18,220 --> 00:31:19,980 I'm gonna go and look at the fridge. 547 00:31:20,020 --> 00:31:22,260 So sorry! 548 00:31:27,260 --> 00:31:29,260 I feel a bit weird after that, Paul. 549 00:31:29,300 --> 00:31:32,940 I don't know. You had the countenance of a serial killer! 550 00:31:32,980 --> 00:31:36,260 And your worst crime was eating a bit of jam with your fingers, 551 00:31:36,300 --> 00:31:38,060 as far as I could work out! 552 00:31:38,100 --> 00:31:42,620 'I wasn't there while he was doing it, cos I was working, but the crew did say it was odd! Yes. 553 00:31:47,540 --> 00:31:50,740 'Shall we see another one? Who do you want to see? Sian! Me, too! Here we go! 554 00:31:54,700 --> 00:31:56,580 Hello, gorgeous. 555 00:31:56,620 --> 00:31:58,180 Oh. 556 00:31:58,220 --> 00:31:59,900 You smell nice. 557 00:31:59,940 --> 00:32:02,700 Thank you, Sian. Look at that. 558 00:32:02,740 --> 00:32:04,636 I'm really sorry. You've got my phone. 559 00:32:04,660 --> 00:32:08,100 'Sorry. You left your phone in the kitchen. I'm really sorry about that. 560 00:32:08,140 --> 00:32:12,820 I might have used one of my personal pictures. 561 00:32:12,860 --> 00:32:15,220 I thought it was my phone, 562 00:32:15,260 --> 00:32:17,780 and sent it to someone else but it was on your phone. 563 00:32:17,820 --> 00:32:20,220 But I meant to... I just caught a glimpse! 564 00:32:27,380 --> 00:32:29,460 Sent it to Greg? 565 00:32:29,500 --> 00:32:32,700 'The worst person you could have sent it to! Where did you get the picture from? 566 00:32:32,740 --> 00:32:34,500 Why has it got my face? 567 00:32:38,100 --> 00:32:39,236 It says, "Come to mamma." 568 00:32:39,260 --> 00:32:42,180 How many people have you sent it to? Just to Greg? Oh. 569 00:32:45,780 --> 00:32:47,756 Thank you for this. I do appreciate that. 570 00:32:47,780 --> 00:32:50,300 It's a quite flattering picture, though. 571 00:32:50,340 --> 00:32:52,340 Thank you, Sian. Thank you. 572 00:32:58,420 --> 00:33:02,300 'There was an accompanying text to the picture, wasn't there? Yes. What was it? 573 00:33:02,340 --> 00:33:04,660 It just said, "Come to mamma." Come to mamma. 574 00:33:07,580 --> 00:33:11,700 Alex was genuinely... I thought he was gonna cry! 575 00:33:12,780 --> 00:33:15,420 At first I thought you'd sent it to everyone that I know. 576 00:33:15,460 --> 00:33:18,020 I wasn't gonna do that. 577 00:33:18,060 --> 00:33:21,980 'No. You wouldn't send it to his wife cos she knows the horrible truth of what you look like! 578 00:33:22,980 --> 00:33:25,260 And I have spoken to her, actually, 579 00:33:25,300 --> 00:33:27,396 and she says that picture is nothing like you, 580 00:33:27,420 --> 00:33:30,780 because the man in that picture had a big penis and small testicles 581 00:33:30,820 --> 00:33:34,020 where you are, and I quote, "Quite the reverse!" 582 00:33:39,340 --> 00:33:40,980 Want to see a blister burst? 583 00:33:41,020 --> 00:33:43,460 Then come back for the final part of the show! 584 00:33:54,780 --> 00:33:56,596 Hello, and welcome back to Taskmaster 585 00:33:56,620 --> 00:33:59,036 where there was a lot of misbehaviour before the break. 586 00:33:59,060 --> 00:34:01,580 Yes, there was. There was gluttony from Paul, 587 00:34:01,620 --> 00:34:05,460 wrath from Joe and lust from Sian. 588 00:34:05,500 --> 00:34:07,420 But at least they apologised, Greg. 589 00:34:07,460 --> 00:34:09,940 Next up to say soz... 590 00:34:09,980 --> 00:34:12,700 You don't ever... You never say sorry to me. 591 00:34:12,740 --> 00:34:15,660 You've never come off the script before and tried to bring me in! 592 00:34:17,060 --> 00:34:19,900 Next up to say soz, it's Iain! 593 00:34:30,060 --> 00:34:31,740 ♪ Alex 594 00:34:32,220 --> 00:34:34,260 ♪ I just pied you in the face 595 00:34:35,460 --> 00:34:36,940 ♪ Alex 596 00:34:36,980 --> 00:34:40,140 ♪ It was a total disgrace 597 00:34:40,780 --> 00:34:44,820 ♪ Alex, I hope that I'll see you in heaven 598 00:34:44,860 --> 00:34:48,380 ♪ Or the Champion of Champions 599 00:34:49,300 --> 00:34:52,500 ♪ Series 11, I'm sorry 600 00:34:53,380 --> 00:34:56,180 ♪ I'm sorry, oh, yeah 601 00:34:56,220 --> 00:34:57,700 ♪ I'm sorry 602 00:34:57,740 --> 00:35:00,900 ♪ Can't open the door 603 00:35:00,940 --> 00:35:02,740 ♪ I'm sorry 604 00:35:04,020 --> 00:35:07,180 Do you want me to open the door for you? I'm alright. Sorry about that. 605 00:35:12,420 --> 00:35:17,660 'Really lovely, despite your constant assertion you're going to be the Champion of Champions! 606 00:35:17,700 --> 00:35:19,700 I don't know where that came from! 607 00:35:19,740 --> 00:35:22,740 Nice that your apology was about something that actually happened. 608 00:35:22,780 --> 00:35:25,116 Yes. Not just a threat that you could actually pie him. 609 00:35:25,140 --> 00:35:28,500 Quite hard. It was my first ever pie-ing! He smacked me in the face. 610 00:35:28,540 --> 00:35:31,420 What about Lou? Lou? Uh, well. 611 00:35:31,460 --> 00:35:33,780 She's potty-mouthed and potty-named. 612 00:35:33,820 --> 00:35:36,060 Here she goes. Lou Sanders. 613 00:35:38,140 --> 00:35:39,580 Hello! 614 00:35:43,820 --> 00:35:46,620 I wanted to make an apology. I'm so, so sorry... 615 00:35:46,660 --> 00:35:49,460 for what I've done. 616 00:35:49,500 --> 00:35:54,300 I've done something to your car. Shall we... have a look? 617 00:36:01,300 --> 00:36:03,316 I got your car, I threw some shit on it. 618 00:36:03,340 --> 00:36:05,900 But in order to make you feel better about it, 619 00:36:05,940 --> 00:36:09,740 I signed you up for these classes with your real mobile number. 620 00:36:09,780 --> 00:36:13,500 'Jazzercise life coaching, estate agents, they're all gonna call you back. 621 00:36:13,540 --> 00:36:18,020 'Crystal healing, PPI checks, insurance, body-wraps, indoor surf classes, 622 00:36:18,060 --> 00:36:21,660 pony trekking, confidence classes, judo and Scientology. 623 00:36:21,700 --> 00:36:23,380 Welcome to your new life! 624 00:36:23,420 --> 00:36:28,100 'To say sorry for what you've done to the car, you've signed me up for these things? Yeah. 625 00:36:28,140 --> 00:36:30,020 So this is worse than that! 626 00:36:30,060 --> 00:36:32,156 The apology is worse than what you've done! 627 00:36:32,180 --> 00:36:35,220 Which means more points for me! 628 00:36:39,700 --> 00:36:42,140 The balloon wasn't even part of it. 629 00:36:43,340 --> 00:36:45,700 You can have that, to start with! 630 00:36:45,740 --> 00:36:47,140 The teaser! 631 00:36:47,180 --> 00:36:50,580 But obviously you made a terrible mess of his horrible red car. 632 00:36:50,620 --> 00:36:52,460 But... 633 00:36:52,500 --> 00:36:55,540 It's a horrible red, don't you think? 634 00:36:55,580 --> 00:36:57,100 Horrible red. 635 00:36:57,140 --> 00:36:58,820 Sort of... 636 00:37:00,500 --> 00:37:04,820 But I think that the real diabolical crimes were committed after that 637 00:37:04,860 --> 00:37:07,236 because it genuinely was Alex's phone. It was. 638 00:37:07,260 --> 00:37:10,260 That you signed him up to all those awful things on! 639 00:37:10,300 --> 00:37:13,260 The Jazzercise lady was so nice. Wendy? Yes. 640 00:37:17,580 --> 00:37:21,500 You signed him up for Scientology? Yep. Anton has stopped calling me. 641 00:37:21,540 --> 00:37:25,340 The estate agents still call me, every Monday afternoon. 642 00:37:25,380 --> 00:37:27,916 Worse than scientology! It's the worst. That's the worst. 643 00:37:27,940 --> 00:37:30,660 Wendy is the one that I now have some sort of relationship with. 644 00:37:32,540 --> 00:37:34,980 Let me give out some points. 645 00:37:35,020 --> 00:37:38,660 Paul's apology was just so creepy 646 00:37:38,700 --> 00:37:41,780 but the crime wasn't bad enough for me. 647 00:37:41,820 --> 00:37:43,516 Cos I eat jam with my hands all the time 648 00:37:43,540 --> 00:37:45,236 so I'm gonna give him just one point. 649 00:37:45,260 --> 00:37:46,820 One point to Paul. Yeah. 650 00:37:46,860 --> 00:37:49,460 If Joe had murdered you, he'd have got three points. 651 00:37:49,500 --> 00:37:51,700 I'm gonna give him two points. 652 00:37:51,740 --> 00:37:54,756 'You'd only have given him three points for murdering me? That's right. 653 00:37:54,780 --> 00:37:56,300 Shows you care. 654 00:37:56,340 --> 00:37:59,180 And three points, I'm gonna give it to Sian 655 00:37:59,220 --> 00:38:02,820 for exposing the true horror of your genitals. 656 00:38:02,860 --> 00:38:05,460 Iain's song was absolutely wonderful 657 00:38:05,500 --> 00:38:09,500 'but a pie-ing isn't the most diabolical of crimes. I'll give him four points. Right. 658 00:38:09,540 --> 00:38:14,060 'And Lou, I mean I just hate people like that getting hold of your phone. 659 00:38:14,100 --> 00:38:16,380 It's such an evil, twisted crime! 660 00:38:16,420 --> 00:38:19,300 She must take the five points. Five points goes to Lou Sanders. 661 00:38:19,340 --> 00:38:21,260 Alright. 662 00:38:21,300 --> 00:38:24,620 I think we should hear some scores. The scores? Yeah. OK. 663 00:38:24,660 --> 00:38:27,900 Lou and Sian, the ladies, are at the top, both with 15 points! Yes! 664 00:38:31,980 --> 00:38:35,700 Right. Please, stand up and strut up to the stage 665 00:38:35,740 --> 00:38:38,020 for the final task of the show! 666 00:38:46,260 --> 00:38:48,940 Hello! Hello! Who's gonna read the task out? 667 00:38:48,980 --> 00:38:51,380 I've given the task to Paul Sinha. 668 00:38:51,420 --> 00:38:53,500 "Get into one sleeping bag 669 00:38:53,540 --> 00:38:55,820 "with your arms through the arm-holes, 670 00:38:55,860 --> 00:38:59,340 the zip zipped up and the hood on your head. 671 00:38:59,380 --> 00:39:02,380 "Then stand to attention and salute the Task Master 672 00:39:02,420 --> 00:39:04,060 "for a full five seconds. 673 00:39:04,100 --> 00:39:05,996 "Then get into the other sleeping bag 674 00:39:06,020 --> 00:39:08,780 "with your arms in the arm-holes, the zip zipped up 675 00:39:08,820 --> 00:39:12,900 "and the hood on your head whilst still in your first sleeping bag. 676 00:39:12,940 --> 00:39:18,620 "Then skip once. The fastest wins." 677 00:39:18,660 --> 00:39:21,700 Wait a second! Wait, wait, wait! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! 678 00:39:21,740 --> 00:39:24,380 Whoa! Blow your little whistle. Good luck. 679 00:39:24,420 --> 00:39:27,900 'You may don your first sleeping bag and the second and do the saluting in the middle. 680 00:39:29,380 --> 00:39:31,060 Off they go. 681 00:39:33,260 --> 00:39:35,940 Get them out of the bag. One's out. 682 00:39:38,300 --> 00:39:41,620 I can't get it out of the bag! What's wrong, Sian? 683 00:39:41,660 --> 00:39:46,020 Can't get it out of the bag? There we are. There you go. 684 00:39:46,060 --> 00:39:48,340 It's not out yet. 685 00:39:48,380 --> 00:39:50,220 Still in the bag, here! 686 00:39:50,260 --> 00:39:52,220 Are you alright, Paul? Yeah. 687 00:39:58,060 --> 00:40:00,460 Problems here! It's still in the bag. 688 00:40:00,500 --> 00:40:03,140 Was that five seconds, Joe? I'm pretty sure it was, yes. 689 00:40:03,180 --> 00:40:05,420 Seemed like five to me. Maybe it was four! 690 00:40:06,340 --> 00:40:08,316 It's a piece of shit! A piece of shit! 691 00:40:08,340 --> 00:40:10,460 A piece of shit! 692 00:40:22,500 --> 00:40:24,540 There we go. 693 00:40:30,180 --> 00:40:32,100 We have two left. Two left. 694 00:40:50,580 --> 00:40:53,260 OK, Paul. It's now up to you whether or not you want to carry on. 695 00:40:53,300 --> 00:40:54,940 Oh, fuck, yes! 696 00:40:55,860 --> 00:40:59,060 'Before the show, Alex said, "You haven't mentioned your injured shoulder." 697 00:40:59,100 --> 00:41:03,060 'I said I'll only mention my injured shoulder when it's fucking affecting how I'm performing. 698 00:41:04,820 --> 00:41:06,500 Give it here. 699 00:41:06,540 --> 00:41:08,780 Quite a touching scene! 700 00:41:15,980 --> 00:41:18,380 Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. 701 00:41:23,940 --> 00:41:28,300 I mean, it is the most touching moment in Taskmaster history! 702 00:41:29,140 --> 00:41:31,860 We'll work that out and then add it to the final scores. 703 00:41:31,900 --> 00:41:33,420 Come back down and join me. 704 00:41:40,460 --> 00:41:44,660 'What would you do if somebody didn't salute you for the full five seconds? 705 00:41:44,700 --> 00:41:45,980 Ooh! 706 00:41:47,580 --> 00:41:50,060 I would give them an absolute maximum of one point. 707 00:41:50,100 --> 00:41:52,100 Ooh! 708 00:41:52,140 --> 00:41:55,500 Oh, no! What if we saluted you for more than five seconds? 709 00:41:55,540 --> 00:41:57,860 That's not relevant in your case! 710 00:42:00,020 --> 00:42:04,420 Sian, the briefest of the salutes at 2.09 seconds. Mine?! 711 00:42:04,460 --> 00:42:08,036 'Lou Sanders saluted for the correct period of time. Thank you! Well done, Lou. 712 00:42:08,060 --> 00:42:09,980 So you come second in the task. 713 00:42:10,020 --> 00:42:12,660 There's more people in last place. We know Sian's in last place. 714 00:42:12,700 --> 00:42:15,220 Tragically, Paul Sinha did not salute for five seconds. 715 00:42:15,260 --> 00:42:16,580 Aw! 716 00:42:16,620 --> 00:42:19,820 'And the third person in last place, Joe Thomas did not salute for long enough. 717 00:42:19,860 --> 00:42:21,740 What was that? How long was it? 718 00:42:21,780 --> 00:42:24,180 You saluted for 3.2 seconds. 719 00:42:24,220 --> 00:42:26,076 Men always think it's longer than it is! 720 00:42:28,580 --> 00:42:30,420 Not all men! 721 00:42:30,460 --> 00:42:33,780 You're right. Iain wins the task and five points! 722 00:42:33,820 --> 00:42:35,140 Wow! 723 00:42:37,500 --> 00:42:40,620 We have an outright winner. She's won two shows in a row. 724 00:42:40,660 --> 00:42:43,020 The winner with 19 points is Lou Sanders! 725 00:42:43,060 --> 00:42:44,540 Thank you! 726 00:42:46,700 --> 00:42:50,060 Lou Sanders is the winner of episode three. 727 00:42:50,100 --> 00:42:52,980 Please head up to the stage and prepare to pop! 728 00:42:56,100 --> 00:42:57,700 So, what have we learnt today? 729 00:42:57,740 --> 00:43:00,620 We've learnt that no matter what disappointments life throws at you, 730 00:43:00,660 --> 00:43:03,740 relationships that don't last the course, ambitions unfulfilled, 731 00:43:03,780 --> 00:43:05,380 periods of utter loneliness, 732 00:43:05,420 --> 00:43:07,900 console yourselves that you've never stooped as low 733 00:43:07,940 --> 00:43:10,740 as entering a solitary grape as a prize. 734 00:43:10,780 --> 00:43:14,300 And Lou Sanders styled it out to win the episode. 735 00:43:14,340 --> 00:43:17,460 Well done to her and good night to you! 736 00:43:17,500 --> 00:43:19,540 Keep warm! Bye-bye! 737 00:43:46,660 --> 00:43:48,660 Subtitles by Red Bee Media