1
00:00:02,536 --> 00:00:06,137
You never know who you're
gonna find in the cafeteria at 5 am.
2
00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:09,107
A husband who asked his wife,
after 36 hours of labor,
3
00:00:09,209 --> 00:00:11,409
if the screaming
was really necessary.
4
00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:13,946
Or the intern who's been
on-call so many nights,
5
00:00:14,047 --> 00:00:15,881
she's hallucinating.
6
00:00:15,983 --> 00:00:19,651
Hi. I'd like two tickets
to Million Dollar Baby.
7
00:00:19,753 --> 00:00:22,120
Or your best friends
who found time between shifts
8
00:00:22,222 --> 00:00:24,690
to discuss marital troubles.
9
00:00:24,792 --> 00:00:26,258
Why can't Carla
let this go?
10
00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:28,260
Wouldn't you be mad
if your husband
11
00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:29,861
talked to his
ex-girlfriend?
12
00:00:29,963 --> 00:00:32,197
Yeah, but mostly
because I had a husband.
13
00:00:32,299 --> 00:00:35,266
I'm gonna stay at Elliot's
for a few more days.
14
00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:39,104
Yeah, I figured as much.
I brought you some things.
15
00:00:39,206 --> 00:00:42,274
Your slippers...
16
00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:45,277
...and, uh...
17
00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:47,346
...remember that note
you put on the toilet
18
00:00:47,448 --> 00:00:49,147
to remind me
to put the seat down?
19
00:00:49,249 --> 00:00:52,083
Looking at it
was making me sad.
20
00:00:52,185 --> 00:00:54,753
I wrote this the first time
I forgot to look down
21
00:00:54,855 --> 00:00:56,521
and fractured my tailbone.
22
00:00:56,623 --> 00:00:58,824
- You were in a lot of pain.
- Yeah.
23
00:00:58,926 --> 00:01:01,860
Keep it together, baby.
24
00:01:01,962 --> 00:01:03,996
We'll have brunch Sunday
and see where we're at.
25
00:01:04,098 --> 00:01:05,797
But I want to be
where you're at
26
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:09,668
while we try to figure out
where we're at.
27
00:01:09,770 --> 00:01:11,603
Think they'll work it out?
28
00:01:11,705 --> 00:01:15,574
Shhh! The movie's
about to start.
29
00:01:15,676 --> 00:01:19,545
- Go home, Kathy.
- Where did she get popcorn?
30
00:01:20,881 --> 00:01:22,948
Maybe it's
because we're best friends,
31
00:01:23,050 --> 00:01:26,284
but I had a sneaky feeling
that Turk was depressed.
32
00:01:27,287 --> 00:01:28,920
I should call her.
33
00:01:29,022 --> 00:01:31,056
Turk, you're
not gonna believe this,
34
00:01:31,158 --> 00:01:33,192
but I don't know
a lot about women.
35
00:01:34,028 --> 00:01:35,527
No, it's true.
36
00:01:35,629 --> 00:01:37,996
One thing I do know is
when a woman wants her space,
37
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:42,000
you give her space. My sixth
grade girlfriend taught me that.
38
00:01:42,103 --> 00:01:43,902
No, Olivia.
I won't leave you alone
39
00:01:44,004 --> 00:01:46,938
until you explain
why you ignored me on the bus.
40
00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:50,208
Ohh!
41
00:01:50,310 --> 00:01:52,210
I hope she's dead.
42
00:01:52,312 --> 00:01:53,545
The point is,
in the meantime,
43
00:01:53,647 --> 00:01:55,647
don't spiral
into a depression, OK?
44
00:01:55,749 --> 00:01:57,949
So I'm taking you to
a carnival downtown tonight.
45
00:01:58,052 --> 00:01:59,151
What do you say?
46
00:01:59,253 --> 00:02:01,753
I can't go to a carnival.
It reminds me of Carla.
47
00:02:01,855 --> 00:02:04,423
- Why?
- Dude, "carnival."
48
00:02:04,525 --> 00:02:08,360
Remove the "niv" and switch the
"l" and the "a," and you got "Carla."
49
00:02:17,170 --> 00:02:19,204
Oh, my God, he's right.
50
00:02:21,108 --> 00:02:23,375
Thank you so much for
letting me stay here, Elliot.
51
00:02:23,476 --> 00:02:26,845
Oh, please. And I still
have only one rule.
52
00:02:26,947 --> 00:02:29,615
I cannot talk or be talked to
while on the toilet,
53
00:02:29,717 --> 00:02:32,684
and I cannot talk or be talked
to by someone on the toilet.
54
00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:35,153
You told me yesterday, Elliot.
I get it.
55
00:02:35,256 --> 00:02:39,290
You say that, yet you still knocked
this morning and asked if I wanted coffee.
56
00:02:39,392 --> 00:02:41,693
- Oh, I just thought...
- Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba.
57
00:02:41,795 --> 00:02:43,428
Mmm. Pretend that
never happened,
58
00:02:43,530 --> 00:02:45,330
or I won't poo again
for two months.
59
00:02:45,432 --> 00:02:49,535
Oh, God, this sucks!
I hate March.
60
00:02:49,637 --> 00:02:52,437
Do you realize two years ago
this Sunday my mom died?
61
00:02:52,539 --> 00:02:56,107
Plus, last March,
you got that hideous haircut.
62
00:02:56,209 --> 00:02:58,176
Look, if it makes
you feel any better,
63
00:02:58,278 --> 00:03:00,646
I'm sure Turk's
just as miserable.
64
00:03:02,549 --> 00:03:03,848
OK, stop,
stop, stop!
65
00:03:03,950 --> 00:03:06,851
My tummy's
starting to rumble.
66
00:03:06,953 --> 00:03:10,789
Faster! Jump! Go for it!
67
00:03:10,891 --> 00:03:13,825
- Kids, don't fly out!
- I'm going to hurl!
68
00:03:13,927 --> 00:03:17,129
♪ I can't do this
all on my own ♪
69
00:03:17,231 --> 00:03:20,999
♪ No, I know
I'm no Superman ♪
70
00:03:24,171 --> 00:03:27,339
♪ I'm no Superman ♪
71
00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:29,608
You see a lot
of sad things in a hospital.
72
00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:30,876
But nothing's quite as sad
73
00:03:30,977 --> 00:03:33,378
as a dermatologist
that's been paged,
74
00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:35,046
milking it for all it's worth.
75
00:03:35,148 --> 00:03:37,148
All right, everybody,
watch your backs!
76
00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:38,984
Skin doctor
coming through!
77
00:03:39,086 --> 00:03:41,787
I gotta get somewhere, stat!
78
00:03:42,689 --> 00:03:44,022
You called for a consult?
79
00:03:44,124 --> 00:03:46,825
Mr. Warner, do you see
what you've made me do?
80
00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:49,461
By again choosing to spend
all of your free time
81
00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:52,764
out on the surface of the sun
until melanomas develop,
82
00:03:52,866 --> 00:03:55,233
you forced me to pull
the attending dermatologist
83
00:03:55,335 --> 00:03:57,235
away from a backne seminar
84
00:03:57,337 --> 00:04:00,738
and validate his most ridiculous
of career choices.
85
00:04:00,841 --> 00:04:01,940
Ehhh!
86
00:04:02,042 --> 00:04:04,609
- Oh, God.
- I just wanna look good.
87
00:04:04,711 --> 00:04:06,811
You, my friend,
look so damn leathery,
88
00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:09,714
I'm honestly tempted
to wrap you around a baseball,
89
00:04:09,816 --> 00:04:12,149
cinch you up with a belt
and stick you under my mattress
90
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:14,852
so that you're good and broken
in for the big game on Sunday.
91
00:04:14,954 --> 00:04:18,056
But since I'm here to heal,
not judge,
92
00:04:18,158 --> 00:04:21,192
I'm gonna write you
a couple of prescriptions.
93
00:04:21,294 --> 00:04:25,163
You'll find that this first one
is for an extra large mallet
94
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:27,132
to help pound some sense
into yourself.
95
00:04:27,234 --> 00:04:29,901
The second one is
for a big, floppy hat
96
00:04:30,004 --> 00:04:31,202
that you're now to wear
97
00:04:31,304 --> 00:04:34,205
every single time
you leave the house.
98
00:04:34,307 --> 00:04:36,908
Have a great day.
You look like a purse.
99
00:04:37,010 --> 00:04:39,510
Perry, a word.
100
00:04:39,612 --> 00:04:42,547
Oh. Oh, yeah.
101
00:04:42,649 --> 00:04:44,816
Your skin's all messed up.
102
00:04:44,918 --> 00:04:48,420
Perry, I am sick and tired
of listening to people complain
103
00:04:48,522 --> 00:04:51,355
about being called fatties,
dummies, boozers, losers, winos,
104
00:04:51,457 --> 00:04:53,991
tubbos, tokers, smokers
and jamokers,
105
00:04:54,093 --> 00:04:56,060
whatever the hell
jamokers means.
106
00:04:56,162 --> 00:04:59,030
I was saying "jokers," and I
had coffee cake in my mouth.
107
00:04:59,133 --> 00:05:02,534
Unlike my masseuse Frida, you're
not pretty enough to be rough.
108
00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:05,036
- Work on your bedside manner.
- Say, Bobbo,
109
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:08,707
when exactly was the last time
you treated a patient?
110
00:05:09,776 --> 00:05:11,276
Now you listen to me, Betty.
111
00:05:11,378 --> 00:05:13,912
No matter how long,
we'll get through this.
112
00:05:14,014 --> 00:05:17,281
Congratulations. They just named
you chief of medicine.
113
00:05:17,383 --> 00:05:20,384
Bingo! Smell you later, Betty.
114
00:05:21,721 --> 00:05:24,689
Fine. You want me to take
a patient, I'll take a patient.
115
00:05:24,791 --> 00:05:26,257
The Bobatron is
actually gonna try
116
00:05:26,359 --> 00:05:28,660
to connect
with another human being?
117
00:05:28,762 --> 00:05:31,362
It is so on.
118
00:05:31,464 --> 00:05:33,398
- Guys, it's so on.
- Awesome.
119
00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:35,701
- What's on?
- Who cares? He called me a guy.
120
00:05:35,803 --> 00:05:37,101
Dude,
we stayed up too late.
121
00:05:37,203 --> 00:05:40,505
Our first annual interracial
"buddy movie" night. We had to.
122
00:05:40,607 --> 00:05:42,474
I'm pissed you thought
Turner & Hooch
123
00:05:42,576 --> 00:05:44,209
was an interracial
buddy movie.
124
00:05:44,311 --> 00:05:46,110
I didn't know it was
Tom Hanks and a dog.
125
00:05:46,213 --> 00:05:49,180
Don't paint me as racist
because I thought "black guy"
126
00:05:49,282 --> 00:05:50,748
when I heard
the name Hooch.
127
00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:53,518
- Yeah, J.D., what's up?
- Oh, sorry, Hooch.
128
00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:55,686
We were just talking
about "the movie."
129
00:05:55,789 --> 00:05:59,090
No biggie. Happens all the time.
130
00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:03,595
OK, so it was
an honest mistake.
131
00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:06,164
Gotta go.
132
00:06:06,266 --> 00:06:08,165
Too hard!
What is going on with Turk?
133
00:06:08,267 --> 00:06:11,636
- He doesn't even seem bummed out.
- I uplifted his spirits.
134
00:06:11,738 --> 00:06:14,206
How did you do that? Because
Carla is just bottoming out.
135
00:06:14,308 --> 00:06:17,008
I wasn't supposed to be here
and just came to use the bathroom
136
00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:18,976
because she keeps
violating the rule.
137
00:06:19,078 --> 00:06:20,412
Quiet on the crapper?
138
00:06:20,514 --> 00:06:22,647
Yeah. It's like
she stores everything up
139
00:06:22,749 --> 00:06:24,382
until my cheeks hit the seat.
140
00:06:24,485 --> 00:06:27,085
She thinks she's exempt
from the rule.
141
00:06:27,187 --> 00:06:29,955
Nobody is exempt
from the rule, J.D.
142
00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:33,825
OK. It's OK. I'll never
talk to you on the crapper.
143
00:06:33,927 --> 00:06:37,028
I can't afford
to soundproof my bathroom.
144
00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:40,065
Listen, the way I cheered up
Turk, I made it all about him.
145
00:06:40,167 --> 00:06:43,601
Find some way to lift
Carla's spirits up.
146
00:06:46,773 --> 00:06:48,306
Surprise!
147
00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:51,509
- What's going on?
- We are celebrating your mom's death.
148
00:06:51,611 --> 00:06:54,980
I mean, your mom's life. We're
gonna celebrate your dead mom's life.
149
00:06:56,116 --> 00:06:57,648
I even got a cake.
150
00:06:57,750 --> 00:07:01,319
Wow! Does it say "dead"
anywhere on it?
151
00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:05,656
Not anymore.
152
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,794
Junior, I don't know
what you doing,
153
00:07:09,896 --> 00:07:11,896
but you better look
for some bandages.
154
00:07:11,998 --> 00:07:16,067
You'll need them when I
get through with you. Dr. Kelso.
155
00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:17,835
I didn't recognize you
in scrubs.
156
00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:20,405
That's OK, Laverne.
I didn't recognize you
157
00:07:20,507 --> 00:07:22,841
without your mini TV
and your feet up.
158
00:07:24,411 --> 00:07:27,846
Real nice outfit
there, Bobbo.
159
00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:30,182
Just go right ahead
and say what you want,
160
00:07:30,284 --> 00:07:32,584
because Dr. Bob Kelso
is back in action,
161
00:07:32,686 --> 00:07:33,985
and he hasn't missed a step.
162
00:07:34,087 --> 00:07:36,688
Now, where do we keep
the sick people?
163
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:39,391
Hello, Ms. Goldman.
I'm your doctor.
164
00:07:39,493 --> 00:07:43,161
Don't you mean my doctor's
great-great-great-great-grandfather?
165
00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:46,998
- You're old.
- Yeah, I got that.
166
00:07:49,002 --> 00:07:52,036
Hey, friend. I switched shifts
so we could hang out tonight.
167
00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:54,739
Hell, yeah.
There's no beer in the fridge.
168
00:07:54,841 --> 00:07:57,242
We're gonna have to stop
and pick up some hooch!
169
00:07:57,344 --> 00:07:59,544
- Yeah, Turk?
- Sorry, man.
170
00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:03,181
- I was talking about the beer.
- Oh, that's no problem, buddy.
171
00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:04,649
All right!
172
00:08:04,751 --> 00:08:07,719
Just seems like you
could've said "beer."
173
00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:10,421
It's a much more common word.
174
00:08:10,523 --> 00:08:13,191
My bad.
Won't happen again.
175
00:08:13,293 --> 00:08:15,760
Won't happen again.
176
00:08:18,298 --> 00:08:21,232
- You knew he was there?
- Couldn't help myself.
177
00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:23,368
It's weird.
I want his marriage to work,
178
00:08:23,470 --> 00:08:27,004
but it's nice to have Turk
all to myself again.
179
00:08:27,106 --> 00:08:29,640
It's weird. I want
to follow him down the hall
180
00:08:29,742 --> 00:08:31,242
and crack him
over the head,
181
00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:32,543
but I'm so drunk right now,
182
00:08:32,645 --> 00:08:36,080
I know I'll collapse
if I even move an inch.
183
00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:38,550
And I am not kidding you.
184
00:08:38,652 --> 00:08:41,319
My mom turns to the guidance
counselor and she says:
185
00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:48,593
You understood that?
186
00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:51,229
No, I know when to laugh
in any language.
187
00:08:51,331 --> 00:08:52,763
OK.
188
00:08:52,865 --> 00:08:56,000
I was skeptical, but it's been
nice reminiscing about my mom.
189
00:08:56,102 --> 00:08:58,869
It's about to get
a whole lot nicer.
190
00:08:58,971 --> 00:09:01,806
Hi, sweet pea, it's Mom.
191
00:09:01,908 --> 00:09:04,342
I just called to tell you
how much I love you.
192
00:09:04,444 --> 00:09:05,743
Oh, my God.
193
00:09:05,845 --> 00:09:07,578
J.D.'s old answering machine.
194
00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:11,782
Hi, Carla. I sure wish you
would call me once in a while.
195
00:09:11,884 --> 00:09:14,953
Hadn't heard that one.
196
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:17,221
What other stories
do you have about your mom?
197
00:09:17,323 --> 00:09:20,258
- Carla...
- God, it has batteries.
198
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:23,494
It seems like you never have
time for me anymore. Carla?
199
00:09:23,597 --> 00:09:27,231
Carla? Carla?
Pick up if you're there...
200
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:33,204
What we are dealing with
are venostasis ulcers,
201
00:09:33,306 --> 00:09:35,272
most likely because
of your weight.
202
00:09:35,374 --> 00:09:38,509
Wow, you figured out I'm fat.
You're either a brilliant doctor
203
00:09:38,611 --> 00:09:40,978
or every guy
I've gone to high school with.
204
00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:42,513
OK, moving on.
205
00:09:42,615 --> 00:09:46,017
From what I'm seeing on your
fasting glucose and triglycerides,
206
00:09:46,119 --> 00:09:48,386
- I'm suspecting...
- Metabolic syndrome?
207
00:09:48,488 --> 00:09:51,789
Yes. Now this condition
is not that rare.
208
00:09:51,891 --> 00:09:54,892
- One in five people have it.
- Stop doing that!
209
00:09:54,995 --> 00:09:56,894
Why am I paying you
to tell me things
210
00:09:56,996 --> 00:09:58,697
I've already figured out
on my own?
211
00:09:58,799 --> 00:10:04,368
Maybe because I graduated first
in my class at Stanford in 1972.
212
00:10:04,470 --> 00:10:08,005
You graduated 12th
in your class in 1968.
213
00:10:08,107 --> 00:10:09,674
She Googled your ass.
214
00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:12,277
Laverne, I'm not interested
in your street lingo.
215
00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:15,180
I am interested in where
she found that magic phone
216
00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:17,515
that keeps making me
look like an idiot.
217
00:10:19,485 --> 00:10:21,352
Last summer,
we had to choose
218
00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:24,155
between helping to stem
a hepatitis C outbreak
219
00:10:24,257 --> 00:10:26,390
or going to bartending school.
220
00:10:26,492 --> 00:10:28,359
I've always felt
we did the right thing.
221
00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:30,928
Especially since Turk
needed to blow off some steam
222
00:10:31,031 --> 00:10:34,265
before his big meeting
with Carla tomorrow.
223
00:10:34,367 --> 00:10:38,002
We're your guest bartenders,
we'll be here all night!
224
00:10:38,104 --> 00:10:41,239
I'm going home to think about
what to say to Carla tomorrow.
225
00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:43,475
I was being selfish,
but I couldn't help it.
226
00:10:43,577 --> 00:10:45,710
It was our last hurrah.
227
00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:48,780
Turk, you know Carla likes it
when you speak from your heart.
228
00:10:48,882 --> 00:10:51,148
Improv that, dog!
229
00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:53,918
Stay here and drink for Carla.
230
00:10:54,020 --> 00:10:56,420
- Since we doing it for Carla...
- For Carla!
231
00:10:56,522 --> 00:10:58,122
Let's do this!
232
00:10:58,224 --> 00:11:00,591
My barber once told me
it's important to finish
233
00:11:00,693 --> 00:11:03,394
what you've started.
234
00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,930
Of course, sometimes
what you've started
235
00:11:06,032 --> 00:11:08,666
was clearly
the worst idea in the world.
236
00:11:08,768 --> 00:11:11,369
Wasn't this kind of fun?
237
00:11:12,639 --> 00:11:14,405
It stopped.
238
00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:18,009
Other times, it's a lot harder
than you thought.
239
00:11:18,111 --> 00:11:22,614
Damn it, young lady, let me in!
This is my hospital!
240
00:11:22,716 --> 00:11:26,017
Hey, Bob, what's shaking
in Patientville?
241
00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:27,618
Oh, just trying
to keep myself
242
00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:30,221
from spending all day
in there with her.
243
00:11:30,323 --> 00:11:34,759
- Such a doll.
- Yahh. You Bob.
244
00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:36,394
Even if you end up
with a hangover
245
00:11:36,496 --> 00:11:38,729
that would slay a walrus,
it's all worth it.
246
00:11:38,831 --> 00:11:40,798
Especially if you know
your best friend
247
00:11:40,900 --> 00:11:43,067
is at brunch
saving his marriage.
248
00:11:44,771 --> 00:11:46,036
What time is it?
249
00:11:46,138 --> 00:11:48,439
Or he missed it.
250
00:11:53,079 --> 00:11:55,613
This was my fault,
so I was determined to fix it.
251
00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:59,316
Still, I needed Elliot's help, so
I decided to break the ice first.
252
00:11:59,418 --> 00:12:01,085
Hey, Elliot, do me a favor.
253
00:12:01,187 --> 00:12:02,653
What do you mean, say "hooch"?
254
00:12:02,755 --> 00:12:05,456
Oh, my God, what?
I'm a little busy.
255
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:08,626
I'm sorry. I'm not really sure
what's happening right now.
256
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,895
Of course you're not.
Because in your head,
257
00:12:10,997 --> 00:12:12,430
it's all about you, isn't it?
258
00:12:12,532 --> 00:12:14,699
Well, no more.
Say "hooch" again,
259
00:12:14,801 --> 00:12:17,634
it will be the last thing
you ever say.
260
00:12:20,973 --> 00:12:24,209
He was mad, wasn't he?
Oh, Hooch is crazy.
261
00:12:24,311 --> 00:12:25,943
Listen, tell Carla it's my fault
262
00:12:26,045 --> 00:12:28,613
because I kept Turk out
all night, and he overslept.
263
00:12:28,715 --> 00:12:31,382
- It was J.D.'s fault.
- How come Turk hasn't called?
264
00:12:31,484 --> 00:12:33,751
- Why hasn't he called?
- I wanted to fix it.
265
00:12:33,853 --> 00:12:35,619
He wanted to fix it.
266
00:12:35,721 --> 00:12:37,956
Ask Betty why he's
such a girly girl.
267
00:12:38,058 --> 00:12:39,256
- Not now.
- Do it now, do it now.
268
00:12:39,358 --> 00:12:41,759
- Call her Betty.
- You're insane.
269
00:12:41,861 --> 00:12:44,161
Betty, Betty, Betty,
Betty, Betty.
270
00:12:44,263 --> 00:12:45,596
- Betty?
- Yeah?
271
00:12:45,698 --> 00:12:47,898
- Oh, my God, it worked!
- Ha.
272
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:49,366
When does Turk want
to get together?
273
00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:51,735
When does he want
to get together?
274
00:12:51,837 --> 00:12:54,872
I'm sorry about last night.
I explained you overslept.
275
00:12:54,974 --> 00:12:56,673
When do you want to meet up?
276
00:12:56,776 --> 00:13:00,345
I didn't oversleep.
I... decided not to go.
277
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:10,288
I don't know how she jammed
this. Can you open that door?
278
00:13:10,390 --> 00:13:13,124
You made it up here without
passing out or vomiting.
279
00:13:13,226 --> 00:13:16,861
Now calmly and eloquently explain
you can't open the door right now,
280
00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:18,363
and he'll be on his way.
281
00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:19,897
You open the door?
282
00:13:19,999 --> 00:13:23,734
- Well done.
- Are you mocking me?
283
00:13:24,837 --> 00:13:27,205
Give me this damn screwdriver.
284
00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:34,645
Hello, young lady.
285
00:13:34,747 --> 00:13:37,315
I set up an appointment
with our nutritionist.
286
00:13:37,417 --> 00:13:39,616
She'll create
a diet and exercise plan
287
00:13:39,718 --> 00:13:41,619
so I never have to see you
in here again.
288
00:13:41,721 --> 00:13:44,354
Yeah, I'm having
a gastric bypass.
289
00:13:44,457 --> 00:13:48,226
But, Ms. Goldman,
you're only 25.
290
00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:51,862
And considering that any serious
surgery has inherent risks,
291
00:13:51,965 --> 00:13:54,731
- I really don't think...
- How are you not getting this?
292
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:57,135
I don't care what you think.
293
00:13:59,706 --> 00:14:02,707
Carla, I am so sorry about those
messages from your mother,
294
00:14:02,809 --> 00:14:04,208
but I'm gonna
make it up to you.
295
00:14:04,310 --> 00:14:05,476
It's OK, Elliot.
296
00:14:05,578 --> 00:14:08,179
It was nice hearing
my mom's voice again.
297
00:14:08,281 --> 00:14:09,914
I just...
298
00:14:10,016 --> 00:14:13,016
I wish I could talk to her
about what's going on.
299
00:14:16,422 --> 00:14:17,889
Oh. You know,
300
00:14:17,991 --> 00:14:21,225
I'm really not comfortable
with this kind of stuff.
301
00:14:21,327 --> 00:14:23,628
You can talk to people
once they're gone.
302
00:14:23,730 --> 00:14:25,830
I talked to our maid Consuela
all the time.
303
00:14:25,932 --> 00:14:29,767
- When did she die?
- When I was 11.
304
00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:31,302
That's what
my dad told me.
305
00:14:31,404 --> 00:14:32,737
I found out
he deported her
306
00:14:32,839 --> 00:14:34,905
for putting knives
in the fork drawer.
307
00:14:35,007 --> 00:14:38,075
You know, Elliot, you're a lot
more normal than you should be.
308
00:14:38,177 --> 00:14:40,944
Well, you do what you can
with what you got.
309
00:14:41,046 --> 00:14:43,313
Oh!
310
00:14:43,849 --> 00:14:45,983
Holy frick!
311
00:14:47,253 --> 00:14:49,820
First my parents get divorced,
now you and Carla.
312
00:14:49,922 --> 00:14:51,321
Common denominator? J.D.
313
00:14:51,423 --> 00:14:53,791
I should get cards
that say "love destroyer."
314
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,092
It's not your fault.
315
00:14:55,194 --> 00:14:58,262
Don't get me wrong, hanging
with you has been nice.
316
00:14:58,364 --> 00:15:01,365
It was intoxicating. You were
hanging with the J. Dizzle.
317
00:15:01,467 --> 00:15:03,267
I'm sure it felt
like a crazy dream.
318
00:15:03,369 --> 00:15:05,636
With the J. Dizzle,
it's hassle-free.
319
00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:08,072
Like some sort of crazy,
hassle-free dream.
320
00:15:08,174 --> 00:15:11,108
OK, stop, stop. Maybe that's
why I skipped the brunch.
321
00:15:11,210 --> 00:15:14,478
I just can't help thinking
marriage shouldn't be this hard.
322
00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:16,981
You're my gastric bypass.
Any questions?
323
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:18,950
Nope. See you
in the O.R. tomorrow.
324
00:15:19,052 --> 00:15:21,285
I'll be the one
with the mask on.
325
00:15:21,387 --> 00:15:24,421
That's how easy
marriage should be.
326
00:15:24,523 --> 00:15:25,923
I won't be there,
but I'm sure
327
00:15:26,025 --> 00:15:28,960
it will be nice
operating on you.
328
00:15:36,903 --> 00:15:38,802
What is it, Bob?
329
00:15:38,905 --> 00:15:43,241
When the hell did patients
stop respecting us?
330
00:15:43,343 --> 00:15:45,042
I tried to help
that young woman,
331
00:15:45,144 --> 00:15:48,012
and she rolled over me like
Enid's wheelchair over Baxter's tail.
332
00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:51,582
- Hmm?
- Enid was recently paralyzed. I haven't told anyone.
333
00:15:51,684 --> 00:15:53,484
Hmm.
334
00:15:53,586 --> 00:15:56,420
Anyway, I couldn't handle
the patients,
335
00:15:56,522 --> 00:15:58,655
so go ahead, take your shots.
336
00:15:58,757 --> 00:16:02,593
I want to, Bob, I really do.
337
00:16:02,695 --> 00:16:06,830
But my first patient today
was a snot-nosed little punk
338
00:16:06,932 --> 00:16:08,732
who wouldn't let me
give him a rectal exam
339
00:16:08,834 --> 00:16:11,135
unless I said
pretty please first,
340
00:16:11,237 --> 00:16:13,771
and I'm not big
on begging strangers
341
00:16:13,873 --> 00:16:17,208
to stick my hand
up their butt.
342
00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:19,777
Not even in my private time.
343
00:16:19,879 --> 00:16:21,312
Remember when being a doctor
344
00:16:21,414 --> 00:16:23,414
meant that people
would look up to you?
345
00:16:23,516 --> 00:16:25,816
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
346
00:16:25,918 --> 00:16:27,218
When I first started out,
347
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,520
I could take
this old white coat out,
348
00:16:29,622 --> 00:16:32,957
get a free haircut
or a nice table at a restaurant.
349
00:16:33,059 --> 00:16:35,259
Hell, I never once
got a speeding ticket.
350
00:16:35,361 --> 00:16:37,461
People used to give me
cards and gifts
351
00:16:37,563 --> 00:16:41,232
and sometimes even a pie
just for doing my job.
352
00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:44,802
Every mother wanted me
to marry their daughter
353
00:16:44,904 --> 00:16:47,138
because I was a doctor,
354
00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:50,007
and I used that to sleep
with all those mothers.
355
00:16:50,109 --> 00:16:52,076
That's what a house call
used to mean.
356
00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:57,014
Those were the good old,
incredibly disturbing days, Bob.
357
00:16:57,116 --> 00:17:01,752
Today, people think of us as
drug-dispensing walking lawsuits
358
00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:04,922
who are, in fact, less informed
than their Internet phones.
359
00:17:05,025 --> 00:17:07,491
So that's what
that damn thing was.
360
00:17:07,594 --> 00:17:10,160
I will tell you
one thing, though.
361
00:17:10,263 --> 00:17:12,430
If you even want
to have an outside chance
362
00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:14,932
of reaching someone nowadays,
363
00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:17,968
you damn sure better
speak from your heart.
364
00:17:18,070 --> 00:17:20,070
Thank you, Perry.
365
00:17:21,574 --> 00:17:23,941
Blow it out your ass, Bob.
366
00:17:25,244 --> 00:17:27,811
OK! Ooh!
367
00:17:27,913 --> 00:17:29,247
Elliot.
368
00:17:29,349 --> 00:17:31,448
- Yeah?
- I spoke to the groundskeeper.
369
00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:35,519
He'll come as soon as he
finishes burying Paul Newman.
370
00:17:35,621 --> 00:17:38,623
Different Paul Newman. I asked.
I'll just wait here with you.
371
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:40,557
Oh, Carla, go.
372
00:17:40,660 --> 00:17:44,595
I'm fine down here in this
giant, fresh, empty grave.
373
00:17:44,697 --> 00:17:46,196
OK, bye.
374
00:17:50,036 --> 00:17:52,270
I didn't know
what to say to Turk next,
375
00:17:52,371 --> 00:17:53,804
and then it happened.
376
00:17:58,211 --> 00:18:00,044
Sir, the door was open.
377
00:18:00,146 --> 00:18:01,945
I know.
I just love doing that.
378
00:18:02,047 --> 00:18:03,647
What now, grandpa?
379
00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:06,884
You are gonna shut your damn
yapper and listen for a change
380
00:18:06,986 --> 00:18:08,986
because I got you pegged,
sweetheart.
381
00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:11,355
You want to take
the easy way out
382
00:18:11,457 --> 00:18:13,791
with this surgery
because you're scared.
383
00:18:13,893 --> 00:18:16,059
You're scared because
if you try and fail,
384
00:18:16,161 --> 00:18:17,528
there's only you to blame.
385
00:18:17,630 --> 00:18:21,732
Well, missy, let me break this
down for you Bobbo-style.
386
00:18:21,834 --> 00:18:24,801
Life is scary.
Get used to it.
387
00:18:24,903 --> 00:18:29,506
And then it seemed like Dr.
Kelso wasn't only talking to her.
388
00:18:29,608 --> 00:18:32,310
There are no magical fixes.
389
00:18:32,412 --> 00:18:34,945
It's all up to you.
390
00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:37,748
So get up off your keister,
get out of here
391
00:18:37,850 --> 00:18:40,084
and go start doing the work.
392
00:18:40,186 --> 00:18:42,620
- What if it's too hard?
- What if it's too hard?
393
00:18:42,722 --> 00:18:44,955
Turkelton, I have no idea
why you're chiming in,
394
00:18:45,057 --> 00:18:47,358
but I'll say this
to both of you.
395
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:51,261
Nothing in this world
that's worth having comes easy.
396
00:18:53,065 --> 00:18:54,231
I gotta go.
397
00:18:54,333 --> 00:18:58,135
♪ The dawn is breaking ♪
398
00:18:58,237 --> 00:19:01,238
OK, here it goes.
399
00:19:01,340 --> 00:19:04,641
Oh, this is so weird.
400
00:19:04,743 --> 00:19:07,511
I don't really know what to say.
401
00:19:07,613 --> 00:19:10,747
Sorry I haven't visited much.
I've been kind of busy.
402
00:19:10,849 --> 00:19:14,318
That's not true. Why am I
lying to a slab of granite?
403
00:19:14,420 --> 00:19:17,655
♪ Do, do, do, do ♪
404
00:19:17,757 --> 00:19:22,059
I just know I really could've
used you around this week.
405
00:19:22,162 --> 00:19:24,362
I miss you.
406
00:19:28,434 --> 00:19:32,036
Can you tell her
I miss her too?
407
00:19:32,138 --> 00:19:33,904
You know what?
Never mind.
408
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:39,343
Because she
wouldn't believe you.
409
00:19:39,445 --> 00:19:42,413
You can never
truly capture the past.
410
00:19:45,718 --> 00:19:47,885
That'll be $18.
411
00:19:47,987 --> 00:19:51,589
Oh, I'm not paying.
I'm a doctor.
412
00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:55,492
Yeah, we don't do that anymore.
You're paying.
413
00:19:55,595 --> 00:19:57,728
♪ Don't stop here ♪
414
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:02,800
You still have to try
415
00:20:02,901 --> 00:20:05,403
because, as a recently
incarcerated doctor once said,
416
00:20:05,505 --> 00:20:07,971
"Nothing worth having
comes easy."
417
00:20:08,074 --> 00:20:13,010
♪ Do, do, do, do
do, do, do, do ♪
418
00:20:13,112 --> 00:20:15,279
So you ready
to come home?
419
00:20:17,616 --> 00:20:21,986
I'm trying to get there, Turk.
I'm just not there yet.
420
00:20:22,088 --> 00:20:25,089
All right. You take
all the time you need, OK?
421
00:20:25,491 --> 00:20:27,124
Wait.
422
00:20:29,762 --> 00:20:32,529
Do you mind sitting here
with me for a little longer?
423
00:20:32,631 --> 00:20:37,467
♪ Even the wrong words
seem to rhyme ♪
424
00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:42,907
♪ Out of the doubt
that fills your mind ♪
425
00:20:43,009 --> 00:20:44,675
♪ You finally find ♪
426
00:20:44,777 --> 00:20:48,345
Is anybody there? Anybody?
427
00:20:48,447 --> 00:20:51,048
Hello!
428
00:20:51,150 --> 00:20:54,618
Keep it together, Elliot.
Things could be worse.
429
00:20:56,823 --> 00:20:58,856
Oh, dear God.
430
00:20:58,958 --> 00:21:02,259
I'm gonna die in a watery grave.