1 00:00:02,536 --> 00:00:06,137 You never know who you're gonna find in the cafeteria at 5 am. 2 00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:09,107 A husband who asked his wife, after 36 hours of labor, 3 00:00:09,209 --> 00:00:11,409 if the screaming was really necessary. 4 00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:13,946 Or the intern who's been on-call so many nights, 5 00:00:14,047 --> 00:00:15,881 she's hallucinating. 6 00:00:15,983 --> 00:00:19,651 Hi. I'd like two tickets to Million Dollar Baby. 7 00:00:19,753 --> 00:00:22,120 Or your best friends who found time between shifts 8 00:00:22,222 --> 00:00:24,690 to discuss marital troubles. 9 00:00:24,792 --> 00:00:26,258 Why can't Carla let this go? 10 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:28,260 Wouldn't you be mad if your husband 11 00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:29,861 talked to his ex-girlfriend? 12 00:00:29,963 --> 00:00:32,197 Yeah, but mostly because I had a husband. 13 00:00:32,299 --> 00:00:35,266 I'm gonna stay at Elliot's for a few more days. 14 00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:39,104 Yeah, I figured as much. I brought you some things. 15 00:00:39,206 --> 00:00:42,274 Your slippers... 16 00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:45,277 ...and, uh... 17 00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:47,346 ...remember that note you put on the toilet 18 00:00:47,448 --> 00:00:49,147 to remind me to put the seat down? 19 00:00:49,249 --> 00:00:52,083 Looking at it was making me sad. 20 00:00:52,185 --> 00:00:54,753 I wrote this the first time I forgot to look down 21 00:00:54,855 --> 00:00:56,521 and fractured my tailbone. 22 00:00:56,623 --> 00:00:58,824 - You were in a lot of pain. - Yeah. 23 00:00:58,926 --> 00:01:01,860 Keep it together, baby. 24 00:01:01,962 --> 00:01:03,996 We'll have brunch Sunday and see where we're at. 25 00:01:04,098 --> 00:01:05,797 But I want to be where you're at 26 00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:09,668 while we try to figure out where we're at. 27 00:01:09,770 --> 00:01:11,603 Think they'll work it out? 28 00:01:11,705 --> 00:01:15,574 Shhh! The movie's about to start. 29 00:01:15,676 --> 00:01:19,545 - Go home, Kathy. - Where did she get popcorn? 30 00:01:20,881 --> 00:01:22,948 Maybe it's because we're best friends, 31 00:01:23,050 --> 00:01:26,284 but I had a sneaky feeling that Turk was depressed. 32 00:01:27,287 --> 00:01:28,920 I should call her. 33 00:01:29,022 --> 00:01:31,056 Turk, you're not gonna believe this, 34 00:01:31,158 --> 00:01:33,192 but I don't know a lot about women. 35 00:01:34,028 --> 00:01:35,527 No, it's true. 36 00:01:35,629 --> 00:01:37,996 One thing I do know is when a woman wants her space, 37 00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:42,000 you give her space. My sixth grade girlfriend taught me that. 38 00:01:42,103 --> 00:01:43,902 No, Olivia. I won't leave you alone 39 00:01:44,004 --> 00:01:46,938 until you explain why you ignored me on the bus. 40 00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:50,208 Ohh! 41 00:01:50,310 --> 00:01:52,210 I hope she's dead. 42 00:01:52,312 --> 00:01:53,545 The point is, in the meantime, 43 00:01:53,647 --> 00:01:55,647 don't spiral into a depression, OK? 44 00:01:55,749 --> 00:01:57,949 So I'm taking you to a carnival downtown tonight. 45 00:01:58,052 --> 00:01:59,151 What do you say? 46 00:01:59,253 --> 00:02:01,753 I can't go to a carnival. It reminds me of Carla. 47 00:02:01,855 --> 00:02:04,423 - Why? - Dude, "carnival." 48 00:02:04,525 --> 00:02:08,360 Remove the "niv" and switch the "l" and the "a," and you got "Carla." 49 00:02:17,170 --> 00:02:19,204 Oh, my God, he's right. 50 00:02:21,108 --> 00:02:23,375 Thank you so much for letting me stay here, Elliot. 51 00:02:23,476 --> 00:02:26,845 Oh, please. And I still have only one rule. 52 00:02:26,947 --> 00:02:29,615 I cannot talk or be talked to while on the toilet, 53 00:02:29,717 --> 00:02:32,684 and I cannot talk or be talked to by someone on the toilet. 54 00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:35,153 You told me yesterday, Elliot. I get it. 55 00:02:35,256 --> 00:02:39,290 You say that, yet you still knocked this morning and asked if I wanted coffee. 56 00:02:39,392 --> 00:02:41,693 - Oh, I just thought... - Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba. 57 00:02:41,795 --> 00:02:43,428 Mmm. Pretend that never happened, 58 00:02:43,530 --> 00:02:45,330 or I won't poo again for two months. 59 00:02:45,432 --> 00:02:49,535 Oh, God, this sucks! I hate March. 60 00:02:49,637 --> 00:02:52,437 Do you realize two years ago this Sunday my mom died? 61 00:02:52,539 --> 00:02:56,107 Plus, last March, you got that hideous haircut. 62 00:02:56,209 --> 00:02:58,176 Look, if it makes you feel any better, 63 00:02:58,278 --> 00:03:00,646 I'm sure Turk's just as miserable. 64 00:03:02,549 --> 00:03:03,848 OK, stop, stop, stop! 65 00:03:03,950 --> 00:03:06,851 My tummy's starting to rumble. 66 00:03:06,953 --> 00:03:10,789 Faster! Jump! Go for it! 67 00:03:10,891 --> 00:03:13,825 - Kids, don't fly out! - I'm going to hurl! 68 00:03:13,927 --> 00:03:17,129 ♪ I can't do this all on my own ♪ 69 00:03:17,231 --> 00:03:20,999 ♪ No, I know I'm no Superman ♪ 70 00:03:24,171 --> 00:03:27,339 ♪ I'm no Superman ♪ 71 00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:29,608 You see a lot of sad things in a hospital. 72 00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:30,876 But nothing's quite as sad 73 00:03:30,977 --> 00:03:33,378 as a dermatologist that's been paged, 74 00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:35,046 milking it for all it's worth. 75 00:03:35,148 --> 00:03:37,148 All right, everybody, watch your backs! 76 00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:38,984 Skin doctor coming through! 77 00:03:39,086 --> 00:03:41,787 I gotta get somewhere, stat! 78 00:03:42,689 --> 00:03:44,022 You called for a consult? 79 00:03:44,124 --> 00:03:46,825 Mr. Warner, do you see what you've made me do? 80 00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:49,461 By again choosing to spend all of your free time 81 00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:52,764 out on the surface of the sun until melanomas develop, 82 00:03:52,866 --> 00:03:55,233 you forced me to pull the attending dermatologist 83 00:03:55,335 --> 00:03:57,235 away from a backne seminar 84 00:03:57,337 --> 00:04:00,738 and validate his most ridiculous of career choices. 85 00:04:00,841 --> 00:04:01,940 Ehhh! 86 00:04:02,042 --> 00:04:04,609 - Oh, God. - I just wanna look good. 87 00:04:04,711 --> 00:04:06,811 You, my friend, look so damn leathery, 88 00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:09,714 I'm honestly tempted to wrap you around a baseball, 89 00:04:09,816 --> 00:04:12,149 cinch you up with a belt and stick you under my mattress 90 00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:14,852 so that you're good and broken in for the big game on Sunday. 91 00:04:14,954 --> 00:04:18,056 But since I'm here to heal, not judge, 92 00:04:18,158 --> 00:04:21,192 I'm gonna write you a couple of prescriptions. 93 00:04:21,294 --> 00:04:25,163 You'll find that this first one is for an extra large mallet 94 00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:27,132 to help pound some sense into yourself. 95 00:04:27,234 --> 00:04:29,901 The second one is for a big, floppy hat 96 00:04:30,004 --> 00:04:31,202 that you're now to wear 97 00:04:31,304 --> 00:04:34,205 every single time you leave the house. 98 00:04:34,307 --> 00:04:36,908 Have a great day. You look like a purse. 99 00:04:37,010 --> 00:04:39,510 Perry, a word. 100 00:04:39,612 --> 00:04:42,547 Oh. Oh, yeah. 101 00:04:42,649 --> 00:04:44,816 Your skin's all messed up. 102 00:04:44,918 --> 00:04:48,420 Perry, I am sick and tired of listening to people complain 103 00:04:48,522 --> 00:04:51,355 about being called fatties, dummies, boozers, losers, winos, 104 00:04:51,457 --> 00:04:53,991 tubbos, tokers, smokers and jamokers, 105 00:04:54,093 --> 00:04:56,060 whatever the hell jamokers means. 106 00:04:56,162 --> 00:04:59,030 I was saying "jokers," and I had coffee cake in my mouth. 107 00:04:59,133 --> 00:05:02,534 Unlike my masseuse Frida, you're not pretty enough to be rough. 108 00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:05,036 - Work on your bedside manner. - Say, Bobbo, 109 00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:08,707 when exactly was the last time you treated a patient? 110 00:05:09,776 --> 00:05:11,276 Now you listen to me, Betty. 111 00:05:11,378 --> 00:05:13,912 No matter how long, we'll get through this. 112 00:05:14,014 --> 00:05:17,281 Congratulations. They just named you chief of medicine. 113 00:05:17,383 --> 00:05:20,384 Bingo! Smell you later, Betty. 114 00:05:21,721 --> 00:05:24,689 Fine. You want me to take a patient, I'll take a patient. 115 00:05:24,791 --> 00:05:26,257 The Bobatron is actually gonna try 116 00:05:26,359 --> 00:05:28,660 to connect with another human being? 117 00:05:28,762 --> 00:05:31,362 It is so on. 118 00:05:31,464 --> 00:05:33,398 - Guys, it's so on. - Awesome. 119 00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:35,701 - What's on? - Who cares? He called me a guy. 120 00:05:35,803 --> 00:05:37,101 Dude, we stayed up too late. 121 00:05:37,203 --> 00:05:40,505 Our first annual interracial "buddy movie" night. We had to. 122 00:05:40,607 --> 00:05:42,474 I'm pissed you thought Turner & Hooch 123 00:05:42,576 --> 00:05:44,209 was an interracial buddy movie. 124 00:05:44,311 --> 00:05:46,110 I didn't know it was Tom Hanks and a dog. 125 00:05:46,213 --> 00:05:49,180 Don't paint me as racist because I thought "black guy" 126 00:05:49,282 --> 00:05:50,748 when I heard the name Hooch. 127 00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:53,518 - Yeah, J.D., what's up? - Oh, sorry, Hooch. 128 00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:55,686 We were just talking about "the movie." 129 00:05:55,789 --> 00:05:59,090 No biggie. Happens all the time. 130 00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:03,595 OK, so it was an honest mistake. 131 00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:06,164 Gotta go. 132 00:06:06,266 --> 00:06:08,165 Too hard! What is going on with Turk? 133 00:06:08,267 --> 00:06:11,636 - He doesn't even seem bummed out. - I uplifted his spirits. 134 00:06:11,738 --> 00:06:14,206 How did you do that? Because Carla is just bottoming out. 135 00:06:14,308 --> 00:06:17,008 I wasn't supposed to be here and just came to use the bathroom 136 00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:18,976 because she keeps violating the rule. 137 00:06:19,078 --> 00:06:20,412 Quiet on the crapper? 138 00:06:20,514 --> 00:06:22,647 Yeah. It's like she stores everything up 139 00:06:22,749 --> 00:06:24,382 until my cheeks hit the seat. 140 00:06:24,485 --> 00:06:27,085 She thinks she's exempt from the rule. 141 00:06:27,187 --> 00:06:29,955 Nobody is exempt from the rule, J.D. 142 00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:33,825 OK. It's OK. I'll never talk to you on the crapper. 143 00:06:33,927 --> 00:06:37,028 I can't afford to soundproof my bathroom. 144 00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:40,065 Listen, the way I cheered up Turk, I made it all about him. 145 00:06:40,167 --> 00:06:43,601 Find some way to lift Carla's spirits up. 146 00:06:46,773 --> 00:06:48,306 Surprise! 147 00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:51,509 - What's going on? - We are celebrating your mom's death. 148 00:06:51,611 --> 00:06:54,980 I mean, your mom's life. We're gonna celebrate your dead mom's life. 149 00:06:56,116 --> 00:06:57,648 I even got a cake. 150 00:06:57,750 --> 00:07:01,319 Wow! Does it say "dead" anywhere on it? 151 00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:05,656 Not anymore. 152 00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,794 Junior, I don't know what you doing, 153 00:07:09,896 --> 00:07:11,896 but you better look for some bandages. 154 00:07:11,998 --> 00:07:16,067 You'll need them when I get through with you. Dr. Kelso. 155 00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:17,835 I didn't recognize you in scrubs. 156 00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:20,405 That's OK, Laverne. I didn't recognize you 157 00:07:20,507 --> 00:07:22,841 without your mini TV and your feet up. 158 00:07:24,411 --> 00:07:27,846 Real nice outfit there, Bobbo. 159 00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:30,182 Just go right ahead and say what you want, 160 00:07:30,284 --> 00:07:32,584 because Dr. Bob Kelso is back in action, 161 00:07:32,686 --> 00:07:33,985 and he hasn't missed a step. 162 00:07:34,087 --> 00:07:36,688 Now, where do we keep the sick people? 163 00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:39,391 Hello, Ms. Goldman. I'm your doctor. 164 00:07:39,493 --> 00:07:43,161 Don't you mean my doctor's great-great-great-great-grandfather? 165 00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:46,998 - You're old. - Yeah, I got that. 166 00:07:49,002 --> 00:07:52,036 Hey, friend. I switched shifts so we could hang out tonight. 167 00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:54,739 Hell, yeah. There's no beer in the fridge. 168 00:07:54,841 --> 00:07:57,242 We're gonna have to stop and pick up some hooch! 169 00:07:57,344 --> 00:07:59,544 - Yeah, Turk? - Sorry, man. 170 00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:03,181 - I was talking about the beer. - Oh, that's no problem, buddy. 171 00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:04,649 All right! 172 00:08:04,751 --> 00:08:07,719 Just seems like you could've said "beer." 173 00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:10,421 It's a much more common word. 174 00:08:10,523 --> 00:08:13,191 My bad. Won't happen again. 175 00:08:13,293 --> 00:08:15,760 Won't happen again. 176 00:08:18,298 --> 00:08:21,232 - You knew he was there? - Couldn't help myself. 177 00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:23,368 It's weird. I want his marriage to work, 178 00:08:23,470 --> 00:08:27,004 but it's nice to have Turk all to myself again. 179 00:08:27,106 --> 00:08:29,640 It's weird. I want to follow him down the hall 180 00:08:29,742 --> 00:08:31,242 and crack him over the head, 181 00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:32,543 but I'm so drunk right now, 182 00:08:32,645 --> 00:08:36,080 I know I'll collapse if I even move an inch. 183 00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:38,550 And I am not kidding you. 184 00:08:38,652 --> 00:08:41,319 My mom turns to the guidance counselor and she says: 185 00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:48,593 You understood that? 186 00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:51,229 No, I know when to laugh in any language. 187 00:08:51,331 --> 00:08:52,763 OK. 188 00:08:52,865 --> 00:08:56,000 I was skeptical, but it's been nice reminiscing about my mom. 189 00:08:56,102 --> 00:08:58,869 It's about to get a whole lot nicer. 190 00:08:58,971 --> 00:09:01,806 Hi, sweet pea, it's Mom. 191 00:09:01,908 --> 00:09:04,342 I just called to tell you how much I love you. 192 00:09:04,444 --> 00:09:05,743 Oh, my God. 193 00:09:05,845 --> 00:09:07,578 J.D.'s old answering machine. 194 00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:11,782 Hi, Carla. I sure wish you would call me once in a while. 195 00:09:11,884 --> 00:09:14,953 Hadn't heard that one. 196 00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:17,221 What other stories do you have about your mom? 197 00:09:17,323 --> 00:09:20,258 - Carla... - God, it has batteries. 198 00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:23,494 It seems like you never have time for me anymore. Carla? 199 00:09:23,597 --> 00:09:27,231 Carla? Carla? Pick up if you're there... 200 00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:33,204 What we are dealing with are venostasis ulcers, 201 00:09:33,306 --> 00:09:35,272 most likely because of your weight. 202 00:09:35,374 --> 00:09:38,509 Wow, you figured out I'm fat. You're either a brilliant doctor 203 00:09:38,611 --> 00:09:40,978 or every guy I've gone to high school with. 204 00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:42,513 OK, moving on. 205 00:09:42,615 --> 00:09:46,017 From what I'm seeing on your fasting glucose and triglycerides, 206 00:09:46,119 --> 00:09:48,386 - I'm suspecting... - Metabolic syndrome? 207 00:09:48,488 --> 00:09:51,789 Yes. Now this condition is not that rare. 208 00:09:51,891 --> 00:09:54,892 - One in five people have it. - Stop doing that! 209 00:09:54,995 --> 00:09:56,894 Why am I paying you to tell me things 210 00:09:56,996 --> 00:09:58,697 I've already figured out on my own? 211 00:09:58,799 --> 00:10:04,368 Maybe because I graduated first in my class at Stanford in 1972. 212 00:10:04,470 --> 00:10:08,005 You graduated 12th in your class in 1968. 213 00:10:08,107 --> 00:10:09,674 She Googled your ass. 214 00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:12,277 Laverne, I'm not interested in your street lingo. 215 00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:15,180 I am interested in where she found that magic phone 216 00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:17,515 that keeps making me look like an idiot. 217 00:10:19,485 --> 00:10:21,352 Last summer, we had to choose 218 00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:24,155 between helping to stem a hepatitis C outbreak 219 00:10:24,257 --> 00:10:26,390 or going to bartending school. 220 00:10:26,492 --> 00:10:28,359 I've always felt we did the right thing. 221 00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:30,928 Especially since Turk needed to blow off some steam 222 00:10:31,031 --> 00:10:34,265 before his big meeting with Carla tomorrow. 223 00:10:34,367 --> 00:10:38,002 We're your guest bartenders, we'll be here all night! 224 00:10:38,104 --> 00:10:41,239 I'm going home to think about what to say to Carla tomorrow. 225 00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:43,475 I was being selfish, but I couldn't help it. 226 00:10:43,577 --> 00:10:45,710 It was our last hurrah. 227 00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:48,780 Turk, you know Carla likes it when you speak from your heart. 228 00:10:48,882 --> 00:10:51,148 Improv that, dog! 229 00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:53,918 Stay here and drink for Carla. 230 00:10:54,020 --> 00:10:56,420 - Since we doing it for Carla... - For Carla! 231 00:10:56,522 --> 00:10:58,122 Let's do this! 232 00:10:58,224 --> 00:11:00,591 My barber once told me it's important to finish 233 00:11:00,693 --> 00:11:03,394 what you've started. 234 00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,930 Of course, sometimes what you've started 235 00:11:06,032 --> 00:11:08,666 was clearly the worst idea in the world. 236 00:11:08,768 --> 00:11:11,369 Wasn't this kind of fun? 237 00:11:12,639 --> 00:11:14,405 It stopped. 238 00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:18,009 Other times, it's a lot harder than you thought. 239 00:11:18,111 --> 00:11:22,614 Damn it, young lady, let me in! This is my hospital! 240 00:11:22,716 --> 00:11:26,017 Hey, Bob, what's shaking in Patientville? 241 00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:27,618 Oh, just trying to keep myself 242 00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:30,221 from spending all day in there with her. 243 00:11:30,323 --> 00:11:34,759 - Such a doll. - Yahh. You Bob. 244 00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:36,394 Even if you end up with a hangover 245 00:11:36,496 --> 00:11:38,729 that would slay a walrus, it's all worth it. 246 00:11:38,831 --> 00:11:40,798 Especially if you know your best friend 247 00:11:40,900 --> 00:11:43,067 is at brunch saving his marriage. 248 00:11:44,771 --> 00:11:46,036 What time is it? 249 00:11:46,138 --> 00:11:48,439 Or he missed it. 250 00:11:53,079 --> 00:11:55,613 This was my fault, so I was determined to fix it. 251 00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:59,316 Still, I needed Elliot's help, so I decided to break the ice first. 252 00:11:59,418 --> 00:12:01,085 Hey, Elliot, do me a favor. 253 00:12:01,187 --> 00:12:02,653 What do you mean, say "hooch"? 254 00:12:02,755 --> 00:12:05,456 Oh, my God, what? I'm a little busy. 255 00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:08,626 I'm sorry. I'm not really sure what's happening right now. 256 00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,895 Of course you're not. Because in your head, 257 00:12:10,997 --> 00:12:12,430 it's all about you, isn't it? 258 00:12:12,532 --> 00:12:14,699 Well, no more. Say "hooch" again, 259 00:12:14,801 --> 00:12:17,634 it will be the last thing you ever say. 260 00:12:20,973 --> 00:12:24,209 He was mad, wasn't he? Oh, Hooch is crazy. 261 00:12:24,311 --> 00:12:25,943 Listen, tell Carla it's my fault 262 00:12:26,045 --> 00:12:28,613 because I kept Turk out all night, and he overslept. 263 00:12:28,715 --> 00:12:31,382 - It was J.D.'s fault. - How come Turk hasn't called? 264 00:12:31,484 --> 00:12:33,751 - Why hasn't he called? - I wanted to fix it. 265 00:12:33,853 --> 00:12:35,619 He wanted to fix it. 266 00:12:35,721 --> 00:12:37,956 Ask Betty why he's such a girly girl. 267 00:12:38,058 --> 00:12:39,256 - Not now. - Do it now, do it now. 268 00:12:39,358 --> 00:12:41,759 - Call her Betty. - You're insane. 269 00:12:41,861 --> 00:12:44,161 Betty, Betty, Betty, Betty, Betty. 270 00:12:44,263 --> 00:12:45,596 - Betty? - Yeah? 271 00:12:45,698 --> 00:12:47,898 - Oh, my God, it worked! - Ha. 272 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:49,366 When does Turk want to get together? 273 00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:51,735 When does he want to get together? 274 00:12:51,837 --> 00:12:54,872 I'm sorry about last night. I explained you overslept. 275 00:12:54,974 --> 00:12:56,673 When do you want to meet up? 276 00:12:56,776 --> 00:13:00,345 I didn't oversleep. I... decided not to go. 277 00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:10,288 I don't know how she jammed this. Can you open that door? 278 00:13:10,390 --> 00:13:13,124 You made it up here without passing out or vomiting. 279 00:13:13,226 --> 00:13:16,861 Now calmly and eloquently explain you can't open the door right now, 280 00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:18,363 and he'll be on his way. 281 00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:19,897 You open the door? 282 00:13:19,999 --> 00:13:23,734 - Well done. - Are you mocking me? 283 00:13:24,837 --> 00:13:27,205 Give me this damn screwdriver. 284 00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:34,645 Hello, young lady. 285 00:13:34,747 --> 00:13:37,315 I set up an appointment with our nutritionist. 286 00:13:37,417 --> 00:13:39,616 She'll create a diet and exercise plan 287 00:13:39,718 --> 00:13:41,619 so I never have to see you in here again. 288 00:13:41,721 --> 00:13:44,354 Yeah, I'm having a gastric bypass. 289 00:13:44,457 --> 00:13:48,226 But, Ms. Goldman, you're only 25. 290 00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:51,862 And considering that any serious surgery has inherent risks, 291 00:13:51,965 --> 00:13:54,731 - I really don't think... - How are you not getting this? 292 00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:57,135 I don't care what you think. 293 00:13:59,706 --> 00:14:02,707 Carla, I am so sorry about those messages from your mother, 294 00:14:02,809 --> 00:14:04,208 but I'm gonna make it up to you. 295 00:14:04,310 --> 00:14:05,476 It's OK, Elliot. 296 00:14:05,578 --> 00:14:08,179 It was nice hearing my mom's voice again. 297 00:14:08,281 --> 00:14:09,914 I just... 298 00:14:10,016 --> 00:14:13,016 I wish I could talk to her about what's going on. 299 00:14:16,422 --> 00:14:17,889 Oh. You know, 300 00:14:17,991 --> 00:14:21,225 I'm really not comfortable with this kind of stuff. 301 00:14:21,327 --> 00:14:23,628 You can talk to people once they're gone. 302 00:14:23,730 --> 00:14:25,830 I talked to our maid Consuela all the time. 303 00:14:25,932 --> 00:14:29,767 - When did she die? - When I was 11. 304 00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:31,302 That's what my dad told me. 305 00:14:31,404 --> 00:14:32,737 I found out he deported her 306 00:14:32,839 --> 00:14:34,905 for putting knives in the fork drawer. 307 00:14:35,007 --> 00:14:38,075 You know, Elliot, you're a lot more normal than you should be. 308 00:14:38,177 --> 00:14:40,944 Well, you do what you can with what you got. 309 00:14:41,046 --> 00:14:43,313 Oh! 310 00:14:43,849 --> 00:14:45,983 Holy frick! 311 00:14:47,253 --> 00:14:49,820 First my parents get divorced, now you and Carla. 312 00:14:49,922 --> 00:14:51,321 Common denominator? J.D. 313 00:14:51,423 --> 00:14:53,791 I should get cards that say "love destroyer." 314 00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,092 It's not your fault. 315 00:14:55,194 --> 00:14:58,262 Don't get me wrong, hanging with you has been nice. 316 00:14:58,364 --> 00:15:01,365 It was intoxicating. You were hanging with the J. Dizzle. 317 00:15:01,467 --> 00:15:03,267 I'm sure it felt like a crazy dream. 318 00:15:03,369 --> 00:15:05,636 With the J. Dizzle, it's hassle-free. 319 00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:08,072 Like some sort of crazy, hassle-free dream. 320 00:15:08,174 --> 00:15:11,108 OK, stop, stop. Maybe that's why I skipped the brunch. 321 00:15:11,210 --> 00:15:14,478 I just can't help thinking marriage shouldn't be this hard. 322 00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:16,981 You're my gastric bypass. Any questions? 323 00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:18,950 Nope. See you in the O.R. tomorrow. 324 00:15:19,052 --> 00:15:21,285 I'll be the one with the mask on. 325 00:15:21,387 --> 00:15:24,421 That's how easy marriage should be. 326 00:15:24,523 --> 00:15:25,923 I won't be there, but I'm sure 327 00:15:26,025 --> 00:15:28,960 it will be nice operating on you. 328 00:15:36,903 --> 00:15:38,802 What is it, Bob? 329 00:15:38,905 --> 00:15:43,241 When the hell did patients stop respecting us? 330 00:15:43,343 --> 00:15:45,042 I tried to help that young woman, 331 00:15:45,144 --> 00:15:48,012 and she rolled over me like Enid's wheelchair over Baxter's tail. 332 00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:51,582 - Hmm? - Enid was recently paralyzed. I haven't told anyone. 333 00:15:51,684 --> 00:15:53,484 Hmm. 334 00:15:53,586 --> 00:15:56,420 Anyway, I couldn't handle the patients, 335 00:15:56,522 --> 00:15:58,655 so go ahead, take your shots. 336 00:15:58,757 --> 00:16:02,593 I want to, Bob, I really do. 337 00:16:02,695 --> 00:16:06,830 But my first patient today was a snot-nosed little punk 338 00:16:06,932 --> 00:16:08,732 who wouldn't let me give him a rectal exam 339 00:16:08,834 --> 00:16:11,135 unless I said pretty please first, 340 00:16:11,237 --> 00:16:13,771 and I'm not big on begging strangers 341 00:16:13,873 --> 00:16:17,208 to stick my hand up their butt. 342 00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:19,777 Not even in my private time. 343 00:16:19,879 --> 00:16:21,312 Remember when being a doctor 344 00:16:21,414 --> 00:16:23,414 meant that people would look up to you? 345 00:16:23,516 --> 00:16:25,816 - Yeah. - Yeah. 346 00:16:25,918 --> 00:16:27,218 When I first started out, 347 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,520 I could take this old white coat out, 348 00:16:29,622 --> 00:16:32,957 get a free haircut or a nice table at a restaurant. 349 00:16:33,059 --> 00:16:35,259 Hell, I never once got a speeding ticket. 350 00:16:35,361 --> 00:16:37,461 People used to give me cards and gifts 351 00:16:37,563 --> 00:16:41,232 and sometimes even a pie just for doing my job. 352 00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:44,802 Every mother wanted me to marry their daughter 353 00:16:44,904 --> 00:16:47,138 because I was a doctor, 354 00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:50,007 and I used that to sleep with all those mothers. 355 00:16:50,109 --> 00:16:52,076 That's what a house call used to mean. 356 00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:57,014 Those were the good old, incredibly disturbing days, Bob. 357 00:16:57,116 --> 00:17:01,752 Today, people think of us as drug-dispensing walking lawsuits 358 00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:04,922 who are, in fact, less informed than their Internet phones. 359 00:17:05,025 --> 00:17:07,491 So that's what that damn thing was. 360 00:17:07,594 --> 00:17:10,160 I will tell you one thing, though. 361 00:17:10,263 --> 00:17:12,430 If you even want to have an outside chance 362 00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:14,932 of reaching someone nowadays, 363 00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:17,968 you damn sure better speak from your heart. 364 00:17:18,070 --> 00:17:20,070 Thank you, Perry. 365 00:17:21,574 --> 00:17:23,941 Blow it out your ass, Bob. 366 00:17:25,244 --> 00:17:27,811 OK! Ooh! 367 00:17:27,913 --> 00:17:29,247 Elliot. 368 00:17:29,349 --> 00:17:31,448 - Yeah? - I spoke to the groundskeeper. 369 00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:35,519 He'll come as soon as he finishes burying Paul Newman. 370 00:17:35,621 --> 00:17:38,623 Different Paul Newman. I asked. I'll just wait here with you. 371 00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:40,557 Oh, Carla, go. 372 00:17:40,660 --> 00:17:44,595 I'm fine down here in this giant, fresh, empty grave. 373 00:17:44,697 --> 00:17:46,196 OK, bye. 374 00:17:50,036 --> 00:17:52,270 I didn't know what to say to Turk next, 375 00:17:52,371 --> 00:17:53,804 and then it happened. 376 00:17:58,211 --> 00:18:00,044 Sir, the door was open. 377 00:18:00,146 --> 00:18:01,945 I know. I just love doing that. 378 00:18:02,047 --> 00:18:03,647 What now, grandpa? 379 00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:06,884 You are gonna shut your damn yapper and listen for a change 380 00:18:06,986 --> 00:18:08,986 because I got you pegged, sweetheart. 381 00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:11,355 You want to take the easy way out 382 00:18:11,457 --> 00:18:13,791 with this surgery because you're scared. 383 00:18:13,893 --> 00:18:16,059 You're scared because if you try and fail, 384 00:18:16,161 --> 00:18:17,528 there's only you to blame. 385 00:18:17,630 --> 00:18:21,732 Well, missy, let me break this down for you Bobbo-style. 386 00:18:21,834 --> 00:18:24,801 Life is scary. Get used to it. 387 00:18:24,903 --> 00:18:29,506 And then it seemed like Dr. Kelso wasn't only talking to her. 388 00:18:29,608 --> 00:18:32,310 There are no magical fixes. 389 00:18:32,412 --> 00:18:34,945 It's all up to you. 390 00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:37,748 So get up off your keister, get out of here 391 00:18:37,850 --> 00:18:40,084 and go start doing the work. 392 00:18:40,186 --> 00:18:42,620 - What if it's too hard? - What if it's too hard? 393 00:18:42,722 --> 00:18:44,955 Turkelton, I have no idea why you're chiming in, 394 00:18:45,057 --> 00:18:47,358 but I'll say this to both of you. 395 00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:51,261 Nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy. 396 00:18:53,065 --> 00:18:54,231 I gotta go. 397 00:18:54,333 --> 00:18:58,135 ♪ The dawn is breaking ♪ 398 00:18:58,237 --> 00:19:01,238 OK, here it goes. 399 00:19:01,340 --> 00:19:04,641 Oh, this is so weird. 400 00:19:04,743 --> 00:19:07,511 I don't really know what to say. 401 00:19:07,613 --> 00:19:10,747 Sorry I haven't visited much. I've been kind of busy. 402 00:19:10,849 --> 00:19:14,318 That's not true. Why am I lying to a slab of granite? 403 00:19:14,420 --> 00:19:17,655 ♪ Do, do, do, do ♪ 404 00:19:17,757 --> 00:19:22,059 I just know I really could've used you around this week. 405 00:19:22,162 --> 00:19:24,362 I miss you. 406 00:19:28,434 --> 00:19:32,036 Can you tell her I miss her too? 407 00:19:32,138 --> 00:19:33,904 You know what? Never mind. 408 00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:39,343 Because she wouldn't believe you. 409 00:19:39,445 --> 00:19:42,413 You can never truly capture the past. 410 00:19:45,718 --> 00:19:47,885 That'll be $18. 411 00:19:47,987 --> 00:19:51,589 Oh, I'm not paying. I'm a doctor. 412 00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:55,492 Yeah, we don't do that anymore. You're paying. 413 00:19:55,595 --> 00:19:57,728 ♪ Don't stop here ♪ 414 00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:02,800 You still have to try 415 00:20:02,901 --> 00:20:05,403 because, as a recently incarcerated doctor once said, 416 00:20:05,505 --> 00:20:07,971 "Nothing worth having comes easy." 417 00:20:08,074 --> 00:20:13,010 ♪ Do, do, do, do do, do, do, do ♪ 418 00:20:13,112 --> 00:20:15,279 So you ready to come home? 419 00:20:17,616 --> 00:20:21,986 I'm trying to get there, Turk. I'm just not there yet. 420 00:20:22,088 --> 00:20:25,089 All right. You take all the time you need, OK? 421 00:20:25,491 --> 00:20:27,124 Wait. 422 00:20:29,762 --> 00:20:32,529 Do you mind sitting here with me for a little longer? 423 00:20:32,631 --> 00:20:37,467 ♪ Even the wrong words seem to rhyme ♪ 424 00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:42,907 ♪ Out of the doubt that fills your mind ♪ 425 00:20:43,009 --> 00:20:44,675 ♪ You finally find ♪ 426 00:20:44,777 --> 00:20:48,345 Is anybody there? Anybody? 427 00:20:48,447 --> 00:20:51,048 Hello! 428 00:20:51,150 --> 00:20:54,618 Keep it together, Elliot. Things could be worse. 429 00:20:56,823 --> 00:20:58,856 Oh, dear God. 430 00:20:58,958 --> 00:21:02,259 I'm gonna die in a watery grave.