1 00:00:03,237 --> 00:00:05,070 Things were amazing with Kylie, 2 00:00:05,172 --> 00:00:07,072 but before I could get more emotionally invested, 3 00:00:07,174 --> 00:00:10,242 I needed answers to some questions that were very important to me. 4 00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:12,944 Name three spinoffs of the sitcom Happy Days. 5 00:00:13,046 --> 00:00:14,479 Mork and Mindy, 6 00:00:14,581 --> 00:00:16,848 Laverne and Shirley and Joanie Loves Chachi. 7 00:00:16,950 --> 00:00:17,982 You marry her. 8 00:00:18,085 --> 00:00:19,617 You marry her now. You marry her! 9 00:00:19,719 --> 00:00:21,319 OK, OK! We passed section one: 10 00:00:21,422 --> 00:00:22,754 "Sitcoms about or involving 11 00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,622 Asian-American diner owners." 12 00:00:24,724 --> 00:00:25,990 Now on to section two: 13 00:00:26,092 --> 00:00:28,794 "Fat, tubby TV husbands and the crazy-hot women 14 00:00:28,896 --> 00:00:31,029 that would never actually be married to them." 15 00:00:31,132 --> 00:00:33,598 Hey, we're missing Sanford and Son. 16 00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:35,066 - What? - Yes! 17 00:00:35,169 --> 00:00:37,335 Turk was freaked out because Carla never joins us 18 00:00:37,438 --> 00:00:39,638 on Sanford and Son night or Cheers night. 19 00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:43,042 I think she was feeling a little romantically competitive 20 00:00:43,144 --> 00:00:44,976 with Kylie and me. 21 00:00:46,847 --> 00:00:48,179 - Woman, woman! - Mmm? 22 00:00:48,281 --> 00:00:49,381 I am not a lollipop! 23 00:00:51,285 --> 00:00:53,485 ♪ Quiet down now ♪ 24 00:00:53,587 --> 00:00:55,820 ♪ It is time to watch the show ♪ 25 00:00:55,922 --> 00:00:57,689 ♪ Yes, it started ♪ 26 00:00:57,791 --> 00:00:59,625 ♪ Don't be lickin' me no mo' ♪ 27 00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:03,896 ♪ Matter of fact, could you get me a handy wipe? ♪ 28 00:01:05,298 --> 00:01:07,799 Carla certainly tried to be as adorable as us. 29 00:01:07,902 --> 00:01:10,536 Ohh! Darn it! You won. 30 00:01:10,638 --> 00:01:13,238 Unfortunately, Turk wasn't on the same wavelength. 31 00:01:14,975 --> 00:01:17,375 Do you see what you get, Carla?! 32 00:01:17,478 --> 00:01:21,680 Do you see what you get when you mess with The Warrior?! 33 00:01:23,683 --> 00:01:25,284 Yes! 34 00:01:25,385 --> 00:01:27,152 Ten to 9:00! 35 00:01:29,824 --> 00:01:31,489 - Hi. - Hi. 36 00:01:34,195 --> 00:01:36,694 - Bye. - Bye. 37 00:01:39,499 --> 00:01:42,134 Kylie's in class all day, and she bartends at night, 38 00:01:42,236 --> 00:01:43,968 and I'm still pulling 16-hour shifts, 39 00:01:44,071 --> 00:01:47,005 so we try to make sure we kiss at least once a day. 40 00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:49,674 Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, she takes a cab over here. 41 00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:53,611 Tuesdays and Thursdays, ♪ I scooter to my baby ♪ 42 00:01:53,713 --> 00:01:56,047 Honey... 43 00:01:56,149 --> 00:01:59,751 ...I haven't fuffied in bed in, like, a week. 44 00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:02,621 With 27 deaths so far, 45 00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:06,858 this strain of E. coli from tainted meat is quite serious. 46 00:02:06,961 --> 00:02:09,761 So if you're a big meat-eater, be careful. 47 00:02:11,431 --> 00:02:14,032 The reason we were upset was that every time the media 48 00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:15,734 reports on some weird health crisis, 49 00:02:15,836 --> 00:02:18,737 everyone who sees it thinks they have it. 50 00:02:20,608 --> 00:02:21,607 Oh, it's not so bad. 51 00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:23,274 It's only a few people here. 52 00:02:43,029 --> 00:02:45,763 OK, OK, everybody, just shut up! 53 00:02:45,865 --> 00:02:48,266 Ahem. Ahem. 54 00:02:48,368 --> 00:02:49,467 Thank you. 55 00:02:49,570 --> 00:02:51,235 Now, who's first? 56 00:02:51,338 --> 00:02:54,439 There's one positive when something like this happens... 57 00:02:54,541 --> 00:02:56,141 Whoo! 58 00:02:56,243 --> 00:02:57,809 Whoo-hoo-hoo! 59 00:02:57,911 --> 00:03:00,846 I love medicine! 60 00:03:00,948 --> 00:03:04,249 Whoa. Grandma, that's my no-fly zone. Ooh! 61 00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:07,619 ♪ I can't do this all on my own ♪ 62 00:03:07,721 --> 00:03:11,423 ♪ No, I know I'm no Superman ♪ 63 00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:16,795 ♪ I'm no Superman ♪ 64 00:03:19,566 --> 00:03:20,699 Uh, Dr. Cox! 65 00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:22,934 We're having a bit of a crisis here. 66 00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:26,604 Ah, I see that. It seems you two have worn the same outfit. 67 00:03:27,575 --> 00:03:31,076 And, Barbie, if it's of any consolation, 68 00:03:31,178 --> 00:03:32,611 it looks slightly better on you. 69 00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:34,346 No, I'm talking about all the... 70 00:03:35,282 --> 00:03:36,814 - Thank you. - Sure. 71 00:03:36,916 --> 00:03:38,483 What the hell are we supposed to do? 72 00:03:38,585 --> 00:03:40,552 Loretta, relax. I've been involved 73 00:03:40,654 --> 00:03:43,722 in every ridiculous TV-induced panic there is: 74 00:03:43,824 --> 00:03:45,323 Poison pills, SARS, West Nile, 75 00:03:45,425 --> 00:03:46,992 North Face, South Fork, East River, 76 00:03:47,094 --> 00:03:48,794 monkey pox, Pop Rocks, toilet snakes, 77 00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:50,162 mad cow, bird flu, swine flu, 78 00:03:50,263 --> 00:03:52,397 and, quite frankly, every other flu 79 00:03:52,499 --> 00:03:54,132 that you could really only catch 80 00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:57,035 if you're actually fornicating with the animal it's named for. 81 00:03:57,137 --> 00:04:00,239 And as a parting gift, I will tell you this. 82 00:04:00,341 --> 00:04:01,973 Narrow it down to two symptoms: 83 00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:03,442 Vomiting and diarrhea 84 00:04:03,544 --> 00:04:05,444 because it's just not E. coli 85 00:04:05,546 --> 00:04:08,513 unless it's firing out both exits. 86 00:04:08,616 --> 00:04:11,849 Sure hope I don't have dog flu. 87 00:04:14,021 --> 00:04:16,821 Well, Mr. Bernstein, do you have vomiting and diarrhea? 88 00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:18,390 - No. - No. 89 00:04:18,492 --> 00:04:19,524 - No. - No. 90 00:04:19,626 --> 00:04:21,826 - No. - No. 91 00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:24,729 OK, then, Mr. James, you're free to... 92 00:04:24,831 --> 00:04:27,198 Wait a second. Charles James? 93 00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:29,534 I was watching the Cheers DVD the other night. 94 00:04:29,636 --> 00:04:32,036 Are you Charles James, the writer? 95 00:04:32,138 --> 00:04:33,104 Yeah, that's me. 96 00:04:33,206 --> 00:04:35,473 Just stay calm. 97 00:04:35,575 --> 00:04:38,910 Uh, Elliot, I need to take this gentleman upstairs for some more tests. 98 00:04:39,013 --> 00:04:40,178 J.D., don't leave me here. 99 00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:41,546 This is very important! 100 00:04:41,648 --> 00:04:45,016 He may even need a surgical consult. 101 00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:48,386 Norm! 102 00:04:48,488 --> 00:04:49,454 Yeah, I get it. 103 00:04:49,556 --> 00:04:51,590 Aah! 104 00:04:58,064 --> 00:04:59,464 Whoa! What are you doing? 105 00:04:59,566 --> 00:05:00,565 No tongue before 10:00. 106 00:05:00,667 --> 00:05:02,366 Baby, if J.D. and Kylie can make time 107 00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:05,036 for that stupid appointment kiss once a day, 108 00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:07,238 we should be able to do it twice a day. 109 00:05:07,340 --> 00:05:08,839 Love is not a competition. 110 00:05:08,942 --> 00:05:11,343 - OK. - Make it three times. 111 00:05:11,444 --> 00:05:14,212 - All right. I'll see you at noon? - Noon. 112 00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:15,580 You youngsters. 113 00:05:15,683 --> 00:05:17,582 If there is one thing I have learned, 114 00:05:17,685 --> 00:05:20,184 it's that you can't schedule love. 115 00:05:20,286 --> 00:05:22,988 I think your credit card statement would beg to differ. 116 00:05:23,090 --> 00:05:26,858 OK, listen up, everyone. For budgetary reasons, 117 00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:30,228 we are turning the bathrooms on even-numbered floors into patient rooms. 118 00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:33,531 To sum up, floors two and four are no longer for one or two. 119 00:05:33,633 --> 00:05:35,600 Actually, there's still a bathroom on two, 120 00:05:35,702 --> 00:05:37,836 but then my joke wouldn't have worked. 121 00:05:39,739 --> 00:05:41,706 Well? 122 00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:44,843 I'm sorry. Would you please repeat the question? 123 00:05:44,945 --> 00:05:46,711 Are you just gonna roll over like that? 124 00:05:46,813 --> 00:05:49,414 That's weird. I asked him the same thing last night. 125 00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:52,150 Where's the outrage, the anger, the hate? 126 00:05:52,252 --> 00:05:53,985 Again, last night. 127 00:05:54,087 --> 00:05:55,319 You've gone soft. 128 00:05:55,421 --> 00:05:57,088 OK, now it's getting spooky. 129 00:05:57,190 --> 00:06:00,658 Look, you're the only one who can stand up to Kelso. 130 00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:02,160 Ladies and gentlemen, 131 00:06:02,262 --> 00:06:03,795 allow me to present... 132 00:06:03,897 --> 00:06:05,597 ...man not caring. 133 00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:08,833 OK, Jordan, little help. 134 00:06:08,935 --> 00:06:10,868 If you don't do what she wants, 135 00:06:10,970 --> 00:06:13,038 I'm going to stop having sex with you 136 00:06:13,140 --> 00:06:15,673 and start making love. Love you. 137 00:06:15,775 --> 00:06:20,745 Where is that bastard? Kelso! 138 00:06:20,847 --> 00:06:22,380 - My wife's name's Carla. - Yeah. 139 00:06:22,482 --> 00:06:24,382 Yeah! Like Carla from the show. Just like it. 140 00:06:24,484 --> 00:06:26,251 Wow. I've never actually met anyone 141 00:06:26,353 --> 00:06:28,153 who had the same name as a character on the show. 142 00:06:28,255 --> 00:06:29,387 - Really? - Really? 143 00:06:29,489 --> 00:06:30,822 No. 144 00:06:30,924 --> 00:06:33,491 Well, that's understandable. I mean, there's a lot of Sams. 145 00:06:33,593 --> 00:06:34,826 Excuse me, J.D. Ahem! 146 00:06:34,928 --> 00:06:36,427 I just spent the last three hours 147 00:06:36,530 --> 00:06:38,396 interviewing 212 hypochondriacs, 148 00:06:38,498 --> 00:06:40,331 half of whom don't speak any English. 149 00:06:40,433 --> 00:06:43,769 Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to mime diarrhea?! 150 00:06:45,472 --> 00:06:47,538 Talk about your Dianes! 151 00:06:47,641 --> 00:06:50,775 Oh! Damn! It's kiss time! 152 00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:54,946 Ooh! 153 00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:06,691 Ahh. 154 00:07:06,793 --> 00:07:08,693 Baby. 155 00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:11,729 Aah! 156 00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:24,175 Baby? 157 00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:26,177 Come here, girl. 158 00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:27,712 Right here. That's where I want it. 159 00:07:27,814 --> 00:07:30,382 I want it right there. 160 00:07:30,483 --> 00:07:32,083 - Where have you been? - I was up at... 161 00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:36,687 - I gotta go. - Gotta go. 162 00:07:40,927 --> 00:07:43,261 Bob. Bob. 163 00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:45,730 Sorry, Madge. 164 00:07:45,832 --> 00:07:47,565 What do you want, Perry? 165 00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:51,335 Bob, enough with the stinkin' budget cuts already. 166 00:07:51,437 --> 00:07:53,438 Noted. Now, if you will excuse me, 167 00:07:53,540 --> 00:07:54,439 I have to fire someone. 168 00:07:54,541 --> 00:07:56,174 Oh, baloney, old man! 169 00:07:56,276 --> 00:08:00,211 I have to cut $27,000 from the cafeteria budget, 170 00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:02,280 and my idea of getting it all back 171 00:08:02,382 --> 00:08:05,183 by charging 100 bucks for a piece of cake went right out the window 172 00:08:05,285 --> 00:08:08,853 when Fat Frank decided to go on that power diet. 173 00:08:08,956 --> 00:08:11,589 I lost over 230 pounds so far. 174 00:08:11,691 --> 00:08:13,624 I don't know why he keeps wearing those pants. 175 00:08:13,726 --> 00:08:14,759 All right. Fair enough. 176 00:08:14,861 --> 00:08:16,861 Now I got your little budget reports. 177 00:08:16,964 --> 00:08:18,396 You don't know who to fire, do ya? 178 00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:20,865 Fine. Keep 'em. You do it. 179 00:08:20,967 --> 00:08:23,134 Watch and learn. I'll do it, 180 00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:26,004 and I'll do it without firing a single person. 181 00:08:35,982 --> 00:08:38,416 I have to fire someone. 182 00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:42,019 I can't believe you left me all alone for a stupid TV writer! 183 00:08:42,122 --> 00:08:44,222 Like that is any different from the time you spent 184 00:08:44,324 --> 00:08:46,891 hanging out with your favorite weatherman from Channel 4. 185 00:08:46,993 --> 00:08:48,760 The man had a massive heart attack. 186 00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,728 I was nothing but professional. 187 00:08:50,830 --> 00:08:52,163 OK, he's stable! 188 00:08:52,266 --> 00:08:54,098 Just take the picture, Carla! 189 00:08:56,236 --> 00:08:57,301 What do you want me to do? 190 00:08:57,403 --> 00:08:58,769 Go in there and tell Mr. James 191 00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:00,671 there's no reason for him to be up here. 192 00:09:06,712 --> 00:09:08,747 Mr. James, how long have you had that cough? 193 00:09:08,849 --> 00:09:10,481 Oh, a couple months now. 194 00:09:10,583 --> 00:09:12,050 Am I wrong, Elliot, 195 00:09:12,152 --> 00:09:15,086 or is that the kind of cough that needs a chest X-ray? 196 00:09:15,188 --> 00:09:18,389 - Probably. - Thank you. 197 00:09:19,592 --> 00:09:20,791 - Hey, yo, Turk! - What's up? 198 00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:23,094 I got a break. You wanna play some ball? 199 00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:25,596 Definitely. 200 00:09:28,534 --> 00:09:32,069 Baby. Yeah, I'm not gonna be able to make our next appointment kiss. 201 00:09:32,171 --> 00:09:33,537 I'm swamped too. Yeah. 202 00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:36,775 Right now I'm helping Dr. Schwartz reset a patient's leg. 203 00:09:36,877 --> 00:09:38,376 Oh. 204 00:09:38,478 --> 00:09:41,079 I think you got it, Dr. Schwartz. 205 00:09:43,383 --> 00:09:45,149 You're a liar! 206 00:09:46,987 --> 00:09:49,520 Oh, for God's sake, Perry, 207 00:09:49,622 --> 00:09:51,089 adjust your bra, man up, 208 00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:53,424 and fire the one with the least pathetic story. 209 00:09:53,527 --> 00:09:56,160 Do you really think I know any of these people's stories? 210 00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:58,663 Well, let me fill you in. 211 00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:00,365 First we have Hank. Four kids. 212 00:10:00,467 --> 00:10:02,400 Trying to make it on a dishwasher's salary. 213 00:10:02,502 --> 00:10:06,037 Next to him is Mike. Lost half his leg in a motorcycle accident. 214 00:10:06,139 --> 00:10:09,373 And then there's Judy. Been here 30 years. 215 00:10:09,475 --> 00:10:11,075 Just two away from retirement. 216 00:10:11,177 --> 00:10:13,210 You're... you're friends with all these people? 217 00:10:13,312 --> 00:10:15,713 Are you kidding me? I read their files. 218 00:10:15,815 --> 00:10:17,115 I read everybody's files, 219 00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:20,051 Ms. Manic Depressive, Dr. Drinks-A-Lot. 220 00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:21,953 - Hold your horses! - Mmm. 221 00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:25,289 Just tell me who the last person hired was, would you, please? 222 00:10:25,391 --> 00:10:27,425 Looks like you could use a little refresher. 223 00:10:27,527 --> 00:10:30,094 Servin' people like you who save lives every day 224 00:10:30,196 --> 00:10:32,830 makes me happier than a kitten chasin' a leaky cow. 225 00:10:32,932 --> 00:10:34,298 God bless ya, huh? 226 00:10:34,401 --> 00:10:35,466 God bless ya. 227 00:10:35,569 --> 00:10:38,903 - I have to fire Opie, don't I? - Ya think? 228 00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:44,442 Metastatic lung cancer? 229 00:10:44,544 --> 00:10:46,377 How was he even walking around with this? 230 00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:50,214 At worst, I thought maybe he had a bad case of bronchitis. 231 00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:52,050 This is gonna suck. 232 00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:57,655 Why'd they move me up here? 233 00:10:57,757 --> 00:11:00,959 Uh, Mr. James, I'm not quite sure how to say this, 234 00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:03,327 but you have lung cancer. 235 00:11:03,429 --> 00:11:05,196 It was strange telling Mr. James 236 00:11:05,298 --> 00:11:06,798 he may only have a few weeks to live 237 00:11:06,900 --> 00:11:09,233 when a few short hours ago, we all thought he was fine. 238 00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:11,736 It made me realize something. 239 00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:14,105 Whether it was giving bad news to a patient, 240 00:11:14,207 --> 00:11:15,739 or realizing your relationship 241 00:11:15,841 --> 00:11:18,042 may not be as stable as you thought... 242 00:11:18,144 --> 00:11:20,745 We couldn't even make it one day. 243 00:11:22,215 --> 00:11:25,549 ...or having to do someone else's dirty work for them... 244 00:11:25,651 --> 00:11:26,951 Say, Kenny? 245 00:11:27,053 --> 00:11:28,919 Can I talk to you for a second? 246 00:11:29,021 --> 00:11:30,988 ...there are moments when we all wish 247 00:11:31,090 --> 00:11:33,090 life was more like a sitcom. 248 00:11:33,192 --> 00:11:34,959 I'm so sorry. 249 00:11:35,061 --> 00:11:37,294 I'm sorry, too, sir. 250 00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:41,766 The good news is I won't have to eat my wife's cooking anymore. 251 00:11:46,540 --> 00:11:48,039 J.D.'s Sitcom Fantasy 252 00:11:48,141 --> 00:11:50,542 will be back after these messages. 253 00:11:55,181 --> 00:11:56,714 J.D.'s Sitcom Fantasy 254 00:11:56,816 --> 00:12:00,351 is filmed in front of a live studio audience. 255 00:12:09,228 --> 00:12:11,095 It's weird. There's just so many things 256 00:12:11,198 --> 00:12:12,930 I never got to do in my life, 257 00:12:13,032 --> 00:12:16,734 like go to a carnival or take a ride in a hot-air balloon. 258 00:12:16,836 --> 00:12:18,169 We can do all that. 259 00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:21,472 We are gonna give you the best day ever. 260 00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:25,910 Elliot, a word? 261 00:12:26,012 --> 00:12:27,846 A hot-air balloon seems kind of dangerous. 262 00:12:27,948 --> 00:12:29,013 I mean, he could get hurt. 263 00:12:29,115 --> 00:12:30,515 What's he gonna do, 264 00:12:30,617 --> 00:12:32,450 bruise one of his giant malignant tumors? 265 00:12:34,788 --> 00:12:37,721 Safety is always important, Elliot. 266 00:12:38,692 --> 00:12:40,491 Oh, my God. 267 00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:42,527 You're afraid of balloon rides, aren't you? 268 00:12:42,629 --> 00:12:44,729 It's floating wicker propelled by fire! 269 00:12:46,533 --> 00:12:49,567 I defy you to find one other thing that I'm afraid of. 270 00:12:49,669 --> 00:12:53,604 Moppin' time! 271 00:12:53,706 --> 00:12:55,739 It's moppin' time. 272 00:12:58,544 --> 00:12:59,877 There he is. 273 00:13:02,014 --> 00:13:03,547 Yes, it's mopping time, my friend, 274 00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:05,249 and as you know, I always like to start 275 00:13:05,351 --> 00:13:07,118 in the exact spot you're standing. 276 00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:08,218 Let's get to work. 277 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:09,520 Here we go. 278 00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:11,122 Is that my new sweater? 279 00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:14,859 No. This is my new sweater mop. 280 00:13:16,562 --> 00:13:19,330 It went dynamite with my beige cords. 281 00:13:20,733 --> 00:13:23,067 You mean my beige cord sponge? 282 00:13:33,747 --> 00:13:35,780 You... you wanted to see me? 283 00:13:35,882 --> 00:13:37,348 Hell, yeah, I wanted to see you. 284 00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:39,350 I wanted to tell you that I... 285 00:13:39,452 --> 00:13:41,885 I think you're doin' a great job. 286 00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:44,755 Boy, that meatloaf today was... It was virtually hairless. 287 00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:47,791 I took off the gloves, 288 00:13:47,893 --> 00:13:50,027 and it makes the hair a lot easier to pick out. 289 00:13:51,464 --> 00:13:52,664 Get out of here. 290 00:13:55,602 --> 00:13:58,603 Perry, why the hell is he still here? 291 00:13:58,705 --> 00:14:00,271 When I go back down to the cafeteria, 292 00:14:00,373 --> 00:14:03,207 there had better be only three workers there. 293 00:14:03,309 --> 00:14:05,142 Unless Margaret spits out another kid. 294 00:14:05,245 --> 00:14:08,112 That woman's like a Catholic bunny. 295 00:14:08,214 --> 00:14:09,380 Get it done. 296 00:14:09,482 --> 00:14:12,316 Why? Why am I having such a hard time with this? 297 00:14:12,418 --> 00:14:14,619 Because apparently you have girl parts. 298 00:14:16,089 --> 00:14:18,455 Kelso said that if we can cover his salary 299 00:14:18,557 --> 00:14:20,958 in the budget that Kenny can stay. 300 00:14:21,060 --> 00:14:24,762 But where are we gonna come up with $26,372? 301 00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,698 I... 302 00:14:29,936 --> 00:14:31,669 You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'? 303 00:14:31,771 --> 00:14:32,970 Yeah. 304 00:14:33,072 --> 00:14:35,706 That... Ohh! That we invite Muscles here 305 00:14:35,808 --> 00:14:36,974 to hang a banner in our bedroom 306 00:14:37,076 --> 00:14:38,642 that says "it takes three to party"? 307 00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:42,413 All right. Knuckleheads. 308 00:14:42,515 --> 00:14:44,448 I need one of you to win this talent show. 309 00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:46,684 I can do Shakespeare in German! 310 00:14:49,622 --> 00:14:50,821 In college, I double-majored 311 00:14:50,923 --> 00:14:53,057 in theater and classic languages. 312 00:14:53,159 --> 00:14:55,392 Does that degree come with headgear and allergies? 313 00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:59,530 Let's take a look at our other options. Gandhi, 314 00:14:59,632 --> 00:15:01,065 you appear to be a man 315 00:15:01,167 --> 00:15:03,000 who is utterly without talent, 316 00:15:03,102 --> 00:15:04,836 unless of course you wanna count the fact 317 00:15:04,938 --> 00:15:07,505 that you are the 20th-best basketball player 318 00:15:07,607 --> 00:15:09,940 in a predominantly white hospital. 319 00:15:11,844 --> 00:15:15,946 Jordan, your only skill is illegal in 26 states. 320 00:15:16,048 --> 00:15:17,815 It's 27. Arkansas buckled. 321 00:15:19,552 --> 00:15:20,985 Carla... 322 00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:22,920 ...that makes you my girl. 323 00:15:23,023 --> 00:15:24,621 Hell, we could crank up the humidity 324 00:15:24,724 --> 00:15:25,923 and watch your hair explode. 325 00:15:26,025 --> 00:15:27,224 That'd be terrific. 326 00:15:28,528 --> 00:15:30,494 Which leaves me, and... 327 00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:32,329 ...unless all of you wanna see me 328 00:15:32,431 --> 00:15:35,066 turn a two-syllable word into a six-syllable word, 329 00:15:35,167 --> 00:15:38,803 I rehe-he-he-he-heally think... 330 00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:41,939 ...that we should keep looking. 331 00:15:42,041 --> 00:15:44,509 Newbie! I almost forgot about you. 332 00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:46,310 You know what? Save your breath. 333 00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:47,945 I'm about to get in a hot-air balloon 334 00:15:48,047 --> 00:15:50,347 and get Evel Knievel on my own ass. 335 00:15:52,551 --> 00:15:53,550 Come on, Elliot. 336 00:15:53,653 --> 00:15:55,852 Let's go French-kiss the sun. 337 00:15:57,824 --> 00:16:01,425 You know, you're wrong about Turk. He has many, many talents. 338 00:16:01,528 --> 00:16:05,396 Yeah, he's really good at not finding five seconds to kiss his wife. 339 00:16:05,498 --> 00:16:07,131 Wow! That's interesting 340 00:16:07,233 --> 00:16:09,467 because you're really good at that too. 341 00:16:09,569 --> 00:16:10,634 - Oh, really? - Really. 342 00:16:10,737 --> 00:16:12,470 - Really? - Really! 343 00:16:12,572 --> 00:16:15,472 At least I can remember how long we've been married or what our song is. 344 00:16:15,575 --> 00:16:18,109 I don't know the name but I know it goes like this: 345 00:16:24,483 --> 00:16:27,585 Are you humming the "let's all go to the movies" song? 346 00:16:27,687 --> 00:16:29,453 Is that not our song? 347 00:16:29,555 --> 00:16:31,055 It's sung by hot dogs. 348 00:16:35,594 --> 00:16:37,194 What an amazing day! 349 00:16:37,296 --> 00:16:40,164 A balloon ride, lunch by the beach and my first carnival. 350 00:16:40,266 --> 00:16:43,000 Yeah. Sorry you missed out on getting your face painted. 351 00:16:43,102 --> 00:16:45,269 Well, they only had time to paint one more face, 352 00:16:45,371 --> 00:16:48,406 so I let the kid behind me go to make him stop crying. 353 00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:50,507 That was awesome! 354 00:16:53,946 --> 00:16:55,679 Spider-Girl. 355 00:16:59,719 --> 00:17:01,385 All right, talent show's about to start. 356 00:17:01,487 --> 00:17:03,187 Talent show? I'd love to see it, 357 00:17:03,289 --> 00:17:05,422 but I'm too tired to get out of bed. 358 00:17:05,524 --> 00:17:07,357 That sucks for you! 359 00:17:08,961 --> 00:17:11,562 I'm just kidding! We're gonna do it right here! 360 00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:17,601 O Romeo, Romeo... 361 00:17:31,418 --> 00:17:32,749 Gesundheit. 362 00:17:35,688 --> 00:17:38,121 Hey, I'm wonderin', 363 00:17:38,224 --> 00:17:40,023 what's the story with steel wool? 364 00:17:40,125 --> 00:17:41,925 I mean, is it steel, or is it wool? 365 00:17:42,027 --> 00:17:44,494 Make up your mind, steel wool. 366 00:17:44,597 --> 00:17:47,065 Are there iron sheep hoppin' around Scotland? 367 00:17:49,602 --> 00:17:53,204 Oh, brother. Look, I-I... 368 00:17:53,306 --> 00:17:55,773 Start laughing, or I start unplugging your machines. 369 00:17:57,977 --> 00:17:59,977 And if any of you cows, goats 370 00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:02,680 or ducks have any questions, 371 00:18:02,782 --> 00:18:05,016 don't be afraid to ask me. 372 00:18:05,118 --> 00:18:07,218 I'm just like all of you, 373 00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:12,256 only giant and human. 374 00:18:12,358 --> 00:18:14,057 Thank you. I hope you enjoyed our production 375 00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:16,894 of World's Most Giant Doctor Goes to the Farm. 376 00:18:16,996 --> 00:18:20,131 So, what did we end up going with? 377 00:18:20,233 --> 00:18:22,033 Oh, you went with the farm idea. 378 00:18:24,303 --> 00:18:26,604 Oh, my God, we're doomed. 379 00:18:27,573 --> 00:18:29,707 OK, Perry, that's it. It's over. 380 00:18:29,809 --> 00:18:32,443 The only act left to see is you firing that guy. 381 00:18:32,545 --> 00:18:35,446 Wait, wait, wait. There's one more contestant. 382 00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:37,414 Oh, no. 383 00:18:37,516 --> 00:18:38,982 Is that Kenny? 384 00:18:39,084 --> 00:18:40,484 Hi. I'm Kenny. 385 00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:44,989 Yeah, it is. 386 00:18:48,261 --> 00:18:52,196 ♪ Isn't she lovely? ♪ 387 00:18:52,298 --> 00:18:55,832 ♪ Isn't she wonderful? ♪ 388 00:18:55,935 --> 00:19:00,004 ♪ Isn't she precious ♪ 389 00:19:00,106 --> 00:19:03,607 ♪ Less than one minute old? ♪ 390 00:19:03,709 --> 00:19:05,943 Hey, that... That's our song. 391 00:19:06,045 --> 00:19:07,878 Yeah, I know. I told him to sing it. 392 00:19:09,415 --> 00:19:12,183 ♪ Through us He's given life to one ♪ 393 00:19:12,285 --> 00:19:15,152 ♪ Isn't she lovely ♪ 394 00:19:15,254 --> 00:19:19,223 ♪ Made from love? ♪ 395 00:19:26,465 --> 00:19:29,299 All right, now, Bobbo, you give it to him. You know he deserves it. 396 00:19:29,401 --> 00:19:30,801 The winner. 397 00:19:32,571 --> 00:19:35,005 Thattaboy! 398 00:19:35,108 --> 00:19:37,875 Uh, Turk and I are gonna go home and spend some time together. 399 00:19:37,977 --> 00:19:39,476 Some good time! 400 00:19:40,914 --> 00:19:43,414 And by good time, she means bumpin' uglies. 401 00:19:46,719 --> 00:19:49,586 Well, I hope you had a good day, Mr. James. 402 00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:51,555 Wait a second! 403 00:19:51,657 --> 00:19:53,991 This chart isn't for Charles James. 404 00:19:54,093 --> 00:19:55,459 It's for James Charles. 405 00:19:55,561 --> 00:19:57,461 He's the one who has cancer, not you. 406 00:19:57,563 --> 00:19:59,530 And who cares about him? He's anti-Semitic! 407 00:19:59,632 --> 00:20:00,965 Exactly. 408 00:20:01,067 --> 00:20:03,500 Well, that's a load off my mind. 409 00:20:03,602 --> 00:20:05,235 Hey, everybody! 410 00:20:07,974 --> 00:20:10,173 Thanks for coming so quickly. 411 00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:15,479 You know, this is the kind of thing I normally say out loud in my head, 412 00:20:15,581 --> 00:20:17,281 but since we're all here... 413 00:20:17,383 --> 00:20:18,782 It just seems like in the end, 414 00:20:18,884 --> 00:20:21,285 everything always works out because as long as we... 415 00:20:23,489 --> 00:20:25,422 Mr. James? 416 00:20:25,525 --> 00:20:27,791 Mr. James, can you hear me? 417 00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:30,060 He's apneic! We need an airway! Call anesthesia! 418 00:20:30,162 --> 00:20:32,496 Wait. This isn't right. 419 00:20:32,598 --> 00:20:33,964 We're gonna intubate. 420 00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:36,099 Hang some dopamine, wide open! 421 00:20:36,201 --> 00:20:38,268 I need an ET tube. Where's anesthesia? 422 00:20:38,371 --> 00:20:41,105 Unfortunately, around here things don't always end 423 00:20:41,207 --> 00:20:43,574 as neat and tidy as they do in sitcoms. 424 00:20:45,411 --> 00:20:48,078 Relationships aren't always magically fixed in 30 minutes. 425 00:20:48,180 --> 00:20:51,048 You have to work on them. 426 00:20:51,150 --> 00:20:53,150 Problems don't always have easy solutions. 427 00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:55,419 Hey, Kenny, once again, I'm... 428 00:20:55,521 --> 00:20:57,021 I'm real sorry. 429 00:20:57,123 --> 00:20:58,822 Welcome to my world. 430 00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:02,426 Now imagine going home to my wife. 431 00:21:02,528 --> 00:21:06,329 And around here, nice people don't always get better. 432 00:21:11,236 --> 00:21:13,804 And at times like that, it's comforting to know 433 00:21:13,906 --> 00:21:16,339 there's always one thing that can pick your spirits up.