1
00:00:03,237 --> 00:00:05,070
Things were
amazing with Kylie,
2
00:00:05,172 --> 00:00:07,072
but before I could get
more emotionally invested,
3
00:00:07,174 --> 00:00:10,242
I needed answers to some questions
that were very important to me.
4
00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:12,944
Name three spinoffs
of the sitcom Happy Days.
5
00:00:13,046 --> 00:00:14,479
Mork and Mindy,
6
00:00:14,581 --> 00:00:16,848
Laverne and Shirley
and Joanie Loves Chachi.
7
00:00:16,950 --> 00:00:17,982
You marry her.
8
00:00:18,085 --> 00:00:19,617
You marry her now.
You marry her!
9
00:00:19,719 --> 00:00:21,319
OK, OK!
We passed section one:
10
00:00:21,422 --> 00:00:22,754
"Sitcoms about
or involving
11
00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,622
Asian-American
diner owners."
12
00:00:24,724 --> 00:00:25,990
Now on to section two:
13
00:00:26,092 --> 00:00:28,794
"Fat, tubby TV husbands
and the crazy-hot women
14
00:00:28,896 --> 00:00:31,029
that would never actually
be married to them."
15
00:00:31,132 --> 00:00:33,598
Hey, we're missing
Sanford and Son.
16
00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:35,066
- What?
- Yes!
17
00:00:35,169 --> 00:00:37,335
Turk was freaked out
because Carla never joins us
18
00:00:37,438 --> 00:00:39,638
on Sanford and Son night
or Cheers night.
19
00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:43,042
I think she was feeling a
little romantically competitive
20
00:00:43,144 --> 00:00:44,976
with Kylie and me.
21
00:00:46,847 --> 00:00:48,179
- Woman, woman!
- Mmm?
22
00:00:48,281 --> 00:00:49,381
I am not a lollipop!
23
00:00:51,285 --> 00:00:53,485
♪ Quiet down now ♪
24
00:00:53,587 --> 00:00:55,820
♪ It is time
to watch the show ♪
25
00:00:55,922 --> 00:00:57,689
♪ Yes, it started ♪
26
00:00:57,791 --> 00:00:59,625
♪ Don't be
lickin' me no mo' ♪
27
00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:03,896
♪ Matter of fact, could you
get me a handy wipe? ♪
28
00:01:05,298 --> 00:01:07,799
Carla certainly tried
to be as adorable as us.
29
00:01:07,902 --> 00:01:10,536
Ohh! Darn it! You won.
30
00:01:10,638 --> 00:01:13,238
Unfortunately, Turk wasn't
on the same wavelength.
31
00:01:14,975 --> 00:01:17,375
Do you see
what you get, Carla?!
32
00:01:17,478 --> 00:01:21,680
Do you see what you get
when you mess with The Warrior?!
33
00:01:23,683 --> 00:01:25,284
Yes!
34
00:01:25,385 --> 00:01:27,152
Ten to 9:00!
35
00:01:29,824 --> 00:01:31,489
- Hi.
- Hi.
36
00:01:34,195 --> 00:01:36,694
- Bye.
- Bye.
37
00:01:39,499 --> 00:01:42,134
Kylie's in class all day,
and she bartends at night,
38
00:01:42,236 --> 00:01:43,968
and I'm still pulling
16-hour shifts,
39
00:01:44,071 --> 00:01:47,005
so we try to make sure
we kiss at least once a day.
40
00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:49,674
Mondays, Wednesdays, and
Fridays, she takes a cab over here.
41
00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:53,611
Tuesdays and Thursdays,
♪ I scooter to my baby ♪
42
00:01:53,713 --> 00:01:56,047
Honey...
43
00:01:56,149 --> 00:01:59,751
...I haven't fuffied in bed
in, like, a week.
44
00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:02,621
With 27 deaths so far,
45
00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:06,858
this strain of E. coli from
tainted meat is quite serious.
46
00:02:06,961 --> 00:02:09,761
So if you're a big
meat-eater, be careful.
47
00:02:11,431 --> 00:02:14,032
The reason we were upset
was that every time the media
48
00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:15,734
reports on some
weird health crisis,
49
00:02:15,836 --> 00:02:18,737
everyone who sees it
thinks they have it.
50
00:02:20,608 --> 00:02:21,607
Oh, it's not so bad.
51
00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:23,274
It's only
a few people here.
52
00:02:43,029 --> 00:02:45,763
OK, OK, everybody,
just shut up!
53
00:02:45,865 --> 00:02:48,266
Ahem. Ahem.
54
00:02:48,368 --> 00:02:49,467
Thank you.
55
00:02:49,570 --> 00:02:51,235
Now, who's first?
56
00:02:51,338 --> 00:02:54,439
There's one positive when
something like this happens...
57
00:02:54,541 --> 00:02:56,141
Whoo!
58
00:02:56,243 --> 00:02:57,809
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
59
00:02:57,911 --> 00:03:00,846
I love medicine!
60
00:03:00,948 --> 00:03:04,249
Whoa. Grandma, that's my no-fly
zone. Ooh!
61
00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:07,619
♪ I can't do this
all on my own ♪
62
00:03:07,721 --> 00:03:11,423
♪ No, I know
I'm no Superman ♪
63
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:16,795
♪ I'm no Superman ♪
64
00:03:19,566 --> 00:03:20,699
Uh, Dr. Cox!
65
00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:22,934
We're having a bit
of a crisis here.
66
00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:26,604
Ah, I see that. It seems you
two have worn the same outfit.
67
00:03:27,575 --> 00:03:31,076
And, Barbie, if it's
of any consolation,
68
00:03:31,178 --> 00:03:32,611
it looks slightly
better on you.
69
00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:34,346
No, I'm talking
about all the...
70
00:03:35,282 --> 00:03:36,814
- Thank you.
- Sure.
71
00:03:36,916 --> 00:03:38,483
What the hell are
we supposed to do?
72
00:03:38,585 --> 00:03:40,552
Loretta, relax.
I've been involved
73
00:03:40,654 --> 00:03:43,722
in every ridiculous
TV-induced panic there is:
74
00:03:43,824 --> 00:03:45,323
Poison pills, SARS,
West Nile,
75
00:03:45,425 --> 00:03:46,992
North Face, South Fork,
East River,
76
00:03:47,094 --> 00:03:48,794
monkey pox, Pop Rocks,
toilet snakes,
77
00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:50,162
mad cow, bird flu,
swine flu,
78
00:03:50,263 --> 00:03:52,397
and, quite frankly,
every other flu
79
00:03:52,499 --> 00:03:54,132
that you could
really only catch
80
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:57,035
if you're actually fornicating
with the animal it's named for.
81
00:03:57,137 --> 00:04:00,239
And as a parting gift,
I will tell you this.
82
00:04:00,341 --> 00:04:01,973
Narrow it down
to two symptoms:
83
00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:03,442
Vomiting and diarrhea
84
00:04:03,544 --> 00:04:05,444
because
it's just not E. coli
85
00:04:05,546 --> 00:04:08,513
unless it's firing out
both exits.
86
00:04:08,616 --> 00:04:11,849
Sure hope I don't
have dog flu.
87
00:04:14,021 --> 00:04:16,821
Well, Mr. Bernstein, do you
have vomiting and diarrhea?
88
00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:18,390
- No.
- No.
89
00:04:18,492 --> 00:04:19,524
- No.
- No.
90
00:04:19,626 --> 00:04:21,826
- No.
- No.
91
00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:24,729
OK, then, Mr. James,
you're free to...
92
00:04:24,831 --> 00:04:27,198
Wait a second.
Charles James?
93
00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:29,534
I was watching the Cheers DVD
the other night.
94
00:04:29,636 --> 00:04:32,036
Are you Charles James,
the writer?
95
00:04:32,138 --> 00:04:33,104
Yeah, that's me.
96
00:04:33,206 --> 00:04:35,473
Just stay calm.
97
00:04:35,575 --> 00:04:38,910
Uh, Elliot, I need to take this
gentleman upstairs for some more tests.
98
00:04:39,013 --> 00:04:40,178
J.D., don't leave me here.
99
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:41,546
This is very important!
100
00:04:41,648 --> 00:04:45,016
He may even need
a surgical consult.
101
00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:48,386
Norm!
102
00:04:48,488 --> 00:04:49,454
Yeah, I get it.
103
00:04:49,556 --> 00:04:51,590
Aah!
104
00:04:58,064 --> 00:04:59,464
Whoa! What are you doing?
105
00:04:59,566 --> 00:05:00,565
No tongue before 10:00.
106
00:05:00,667 --> 00:05:02,366
Baby, if J.D. and Kylie
can make time
107
00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:05,036
for that stupid
appointment kiss once a day,
108
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:07,238
we should be able
to do it twice a day.
109
00:05:07,340 --> 00:05:08,839
Love is not
a competition.
110
00:05:08,942 --> 00:05:11,343
- OK.
- Make it three times.
111
00:05:11,444 --> 00:05:14,212
- All right. I'll see you at noon?
- Noon.
112
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:15,580
You youngsters.
113
00:05:15,683 --> 00:05:17,582
If there is one thing
I have learned,
114
00:05:17,685 --> 00:05:20,184
it's that you can't
schedule love.
115
00:05:20,286 --> 00:05:22,988
I think your credit card
statement would beg to differ.
116
00:05:23,090 --> 00:05:26,858
OK, listen up, everyone.
For budgetary reasons,
117
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:30,228
we are turning the bathrooms on
even-numbered floors into patient rooms.
118
00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:33,531
To sum up, floors two and four
are no longer for one or two.
119
00:05:33,633 --> 00:05:35,600
Actually, there's still
a bathroom on two,
120
00:05:35,702 --> 00:05:37,836
but then my joke
wouldn't have worked.
121
00:05:39,739 --> 00:05:41,706
Well?
122
00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:44,843
I'm sorry. Would you
please repeat the question?
123
00:05:44,945 --> 00:05:46,711
Are you just gonna
roll over like that?
124
00:05:46,813 --> 00:05:49,414
That's weird. I asked him
the same thing last night.
125
00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:52,150
Where's the outrage,
the anger, the hate?
126
00:05:52,252 --> 00:05:53,985
Again, last night.
127
00:05:54,087 --> 00:05:55,319
You've gone soft.
128
00:05:55,421 --> 00:05:57,088
OK,
now it's getting spooky.
129
00:05:57,190 --> 00:06:00,658
Look, you're the only one
who can stand up to Kelso.
130
00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:02,160
Ladies and gentlemen,
131
00:06:02,262 --> 00:06:03,795
allow me to present...
132
00:06:03,897 --> 00:06:05,597
...man not caring.
133
00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:08,833
OK, Jordan, little help.
134
00:06:08,935 --> 00:06:10,868
If you don't do
what she wants,
135
00:06:10,970 --> 00:06:13,038
I'm going to stop
having sex with you
136
00:06:13,140 --> 00:06:15,673
and start making love.
Love you.
137
00:06:15,775 --> 00:06:20,745
Where is that bastard?
Kelso!
138
00:06:20,847 --> 00:06:22,380
- My wife's name's Carla.
- Yeah.
139
00:06:22,482 --> 00:06:24,382
Yeah! Like Carla
from the show. Just like it.
140
00:06:24,484 --> 00:06:26,251
Wow. I've never
actually met anyone
141
00:06:26,353 --> 00:06:28,153
who had the same name
as a character on the show.
142
00:06:28,255 --> 00:06:29,387
- Really?
- Really?
143
00:06:29,489 --> 00:06:30,822
No.
144
00:06:30,924 --> 00:06:33,491
Well, that's understandable.
I mean, there's a lot of Sams.
145
00:06:33,593 --> 00:06:34,826
Excuse me, J.D.
Ahem!
146
00:06:34,928 --> 00:06:36,427
I just spent
the last three hours
147
00:06:36,530 --> 00:06:38,396
interviewing
212 hypochondriacs,
148
00:06:38,498 --> 00:06:40,331
half of whom don't
speak any English.
149
00:06:40,433 --> 00:06:43,769
Do you have any idea how
embarrassing it is to mime diarrhea?!
150
00:06:45,472 --> 00:06:47,538
Talk about your Dianes!
151
00:06:47,641 --> 00:06:50,775
Oh! Damn!
It's kiss time!
152
00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:54,946
Ooh!
153
00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:06,691
Ahh.
154
00:07:06,793 --> 00:07:08,693
Baby.
155
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:11,729
Aah!
156
00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:24,175
Baby?
157
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:26,177
Come here, girl.
158
00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:27,712
Right here.
That's where I want it.
159
00:07:27,814 --> 00:07:30,382
I want it right there.
160
00:07:30,483 --> 00:07:32,083
- Where have you been?
- I was up at...
161
00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:36,687
- I gotta go.
- Gotta go.
162
00:07:40,927 --> 00:07:43,261
Bob. Bob.
163
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:45,730
Sorry, Madge.
164
00:07:45,832 --> 00:07:47,565
What do you want,
Perry?
165
00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:51,335
Bob, enough with the stinkin'
budget cuts already.
166
00:07:51,437 --> 00:07:53,438
Noted. Now,
if you will excuse me,
167
00:07:53,540 --> 00:07:54,439
I have to fire someone.
168
00:07:54,541 --> 00:07:56,174
Oh, baloney, old man!
169
00:07:56,276 --> 00:08:00,211
I have to cut $27,000
from the cafeteria budget,
170
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:02,280
and my idea of
getting it all back
171
00:08:02,382 --> 00:08:05,183
by charging 100 bucks for a piece
of cake went right out the window
172
00:08:05,285 --> 00:08:08,853
when Fat Frank decided
to go on that power diet.
173
00:08:08,956 --> 00:08:11,589
I lost over
230 pounds so far.
174
00:08:11,691 --> 00:08:13,624
I don't know why he keeps
wearing those pants.
175
00:08:13,726 --> 00:08:14,759
All right. Fair enough.
176
00:08:14,861 --> 00:08:16,861
Now I got your
little budget reports.
177
00:08:16,964 --> 00:08:18,396
You don't know
who to fire, do ya?
178
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:20,865
Fine. Keep 'em.
You do it.
179
00:08:20,967 --> 00:08:23,134
Watch and learn.
I'll do it,
180
00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:26,004
and I'll do it without firing
a single person.
181
00:08:35,982 --> 00:08:38,416
I have to fire someone.
182
00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:42,019
I can't believe you left me
all alone for a stupid TV writer!
183
00:08:42,122 --> 00:08:44,222
Like that is any different
from the time you spent
184
00:08:44,324 --> 00:08:46,891
hanging out with your favorite
weatherman from Channel 4.
185
00:08:46,993 --> 00:08:48,760
The man had
a massive heart attack.
186
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,728
I was nothing
but professional.
187
00:08:50,830 --> 00:08:52,163
OK, he's stable!
188
00:08:52,266 --> 00:08:54,098
Just take
the picture, Carla!
189
00:08:56,236 --> 00:08:57,301
What do you
want me to do?
190
00:08:57,403 --> 00:08:58,769
Go in there and tell
Mr. James
191
00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:00,671
there's no reason
for him to be up here.
192
00:09:06,712 --> 00:09:08,747
Mr. James, how long
have you had that cough?
193
00:09:08,849 --> 00:09:10,481
Oh, a couple months now.
194
00:09:10,583 --> 00:09:12,050
Am I wrong, Elliot,
195
00:09:12,152 --> 00:09:15,086
or is that the kind of cough
that needs a chest X-ray?
196
00:09:15,188 --> 00:09:18,389
- Probably.
- Thank you.
197
00:09:19,592 --> 00:09:20,791
- Hey, yo, Turk!
- What's up?
198
00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:23,094
I got a break.
You wanna play some ball?
199
00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:25,596
Definitely.
200
00:09:28,534 --> 00:09:32,069
Baby. Yeah, I'm not gonna be able
to make our next appointment kiss.
201
00:09:32,171 --> 00:09:33,537
I'm swamped too. Yeah.
202
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:36,775
Right now I'm helping
Dr. Schwartz reset a patient's leg.
203
00:09:36,877 --> 00:09:38,376
Oh.
204
00:09:38,478 --> 00:09:41,079
I think you got it,
Dr. Schwartz.
205
00:09:43,383 --> 00:09:45,149
You're a liar!
206
00:09:46,987 --> 00:09:49,520
Oh, for God's sake, Perry,
207
00:09:49,622 --> 00:09:51,089
adjust your bra, man up,
208
00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:53,424
and fire the one with
the least pathetic story.
209
00:09:53,527 --> 00:09:56,160
Do you really think I know any
of these people's stories?
210
00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:58,663
Well, let me fill you in.
211
00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:00,365
First we have Hank.
Four kids.
212
00:10:00,467 --> 00:10:02,400
Trying to make it on
a dishwasher's salary.
213
00:10:02,502 --> 00:10:06,037
Next to him is Mike. Lost half
his leg in a motorcycle accident.
214
00:10:06,139 --> 00:10:09,373
And then there's Judy.
Been here 30 years.
215
00:10:09,475 --> 00:10:11,075
Just two away
from retirement.
216
00:10:11,177 --> 00:10:13,210
You're... you're friends
with all these people?
217
00:10:13,312 --> 00:10:15,713
Are you kidding me?
I read their files.
218
00:10:15,815 --> 00:10:17,115
I read everybody's files,
219
00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:20,051
Ms. Manic Depressive,
Dr. Drinks-A-Lot.
220
00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:21,953
- Hold your horses!
- Mmm.
221
00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:25,289
Just tell me who the last person
hired was, would you, please?
222
00:10:25,391 --> 00:10:27,425
Looks like you could use
a little refresher.
223
00:10:27,527 --> 00:10:30,094
Servin' people like you
who save lives every day
224
00:10:30,196 --> 00:10:32,830
makes me happier than
a kitten chasin' a leaky cow.
225
00:10:32,932 --> 00:10:34,298
God bless ya, huh?
226
00:10:34,401 --> 00:10:35,466
God bless ya.
227
00:10:35,569 --> 00:10:38,903
- I have to fire Opie, don't I?
- Ya think?
228
00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:44,442
Metastatic lung cancer?
229
00:10:44,544 --> 00:10:46,377
How was he even
walking around with this?
230
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:50,214
At worst, I thought maybe he
had a bad case of bronchitis.
231
00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:52,050
This is gonna suck.
232
00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:57,655
Why'd they move me up here?
233
00:10:57,757 --> 00:11:00,959
Uh, Mr. James, I'm not
quite sure how to say this,
234
00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:03,327
but you have lung cancer.
235
00:11:03,429 --> 00:11:05,196
It was strange
telling Mr. James
236
00:11:05,298 --> 00:11:06,798
he may only have
a few weeks to live
237
00:11:06,900 --> 00:11:09,233
when a few short hours ago,
we all thought he was fine.
238
00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:11,736
It made me
realize something.
239
00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:14,105
Whether it was giving
bad news to a patient,
240
00:11:14,207 --> 00:11:15,739
or realizing
your relationship
241
00:11:15,841 --> 00:11:18,042
may not be as stable
as you thought...
242
00:11:18,144 --> 00:11:20,745
We couldn't even
make it one day.
243
00:11:22,215 --> 00:11:25,549
...or having to do someone
else's dirty work for them...
244
00:11:25,651 --> 00:11:26,951
Say, Kenny?
245
00:11:27,053 --> 00:11:28,919
Can I talk to you
for a second?
246
00:11:29,021 --> 00:11:30,988
...there are moments
when we all wish
247
00:11:31,090 --> 00:11:33,090
life was more
like a sitcom.
248
00:11:33,192 --> 00:11:34,959
I'm so sorry.
249
00:11:35,061 --> 00:11:37,294
I'm sorry, too, sir.
250
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:41,766
The good news is I won't have
to eat my wife's cooking anymore.
251
00:11:46,540 --> 00:11:48,039
J.D.'s Sitcom Fantasy
252
00:11:48,141 --> 00:11:50,542
will be back
after these messages.
253
00:11:55,181 --> 00:11:56,714
J.D.'s Sitcom Fantasy
254
00:11:56,816 --> 00:12:00,351
is filmed in front of
a live studio audience.
255
00:12:09,228 --> 00:12:11,095
It's weird. There's
just so many things
256
00:12:11,198 --> 00:12:12,930
I never got to do
in my life,
257
00:12:13,032 --> 00:12:16,734
like go to a carnival or take
a ride in a hot-air balloon.
258
00:12:16,836 --> 00:12:18,169
We can do all that.
259
00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:21,472
We are gonna give you
the best day ever.
260
00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:25,910
Elliot, a word?
261
00:12:26,012 --> 00:12:27,846
A hot-air balloon seems
kind of dangerous.
262
00:12:27,948 --> 00:12:29,013
I mean, he could get hurt.
263
00:12:29,115 --> 00:12:30,515
What's he gonna do,
264
00:12:30,617 --> 00:12:32,450
bruise one of his giant
malignant tumors?
265
00:12:34,788 --> 00:12:37,721
Safety is always
important, Elliot.
266
00:12:38,692 --> 00:12:40,491
Oh, my God.
267
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:42,527
You're afraid
of balloon rides, aren't you?
268
00:12:42,629 --> 00:12:44,729
It's floating wicker
propelled by fire!
269
00:12:46,533 --> 00:12:49,567
I defy you to find one other
thing that I'm afraid of.
270
00:12:49,669 --> 00:12:53,604
Moppin' time!
271
00:12:53,706 --> 00:12:55,739
It's moppin' time.
272
00:12:58,544 --> 00:12:59,877
There he is.
273
00:13:02,014 --> 00:13:03,547
Yes, it's mopping time,
my friend,
274
00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:05,249
and as you know,
I always like to start
275
00:13:05,351 --> 00:13:07,118
in the exact spot
you're standing.
276
00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:08,218
Let's get to work.
277
00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:09,520
Here we go.
278
00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:11,122
Is that my new sweater?
279
00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:14,859
No. This is
my new sweater mop.
280
00:13:16,562 --> 00:13:19,330
It went dynamite
with my beige cords.
281
00:13:20,733 --> 00:13:23,067
You mean
my beige cord sponge?
282
00:13:33,747 --> 00:13:35,780
You... you wanted
to see me?
283
00:13:35,882 --> 00:13:37,348
Hell, yeah,
I wanted to see you.
284
00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:39,350
I wanted to tell you
that I...
285
00:13:39,452 --> 00:13:41,885
I think you're doin'
a great job.
286
00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:44,755
Boy, that meatloaf today
was... It was virtually hairless.
287
00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:47,791
I took off the gloves,
288
00:13:47,893 --> 00:13:50,027
and it makes the hair a lot
easier to pick out.
289
00:13:51,464 --> 00:13:52,664
Get out of here.
290
00:13:55,602 --> 00:13:58,603
Perry, why the hell
is he still here?
291
00:13:58,705 --> 00:14:00,271
When I go back down
to the cafeteria,
292
00:14:00,373 --> 00:14:03,207
there had better be
only three workers there.
293
00:14:03,309 --> 00:14:05,142
Unless Margaret
spits out another kid.
294
00:14:05,245 --> 00:14:08,112
That woman's
like a Catholic bunny.
295
00:14:08,214 --> 00:14:09,380
Get it done.
296
00:14:09,482 --> 00:14:12,316
Why? Why am I having
such a hard time with this?
297
00:14:12,418 --> 00:14:14,619
Because apparently
you have girl parts.
298
00:14:16,089 --> 00:14:18,455
Kelso said that if we
can cover his salary
299
00:14:18,557 --> 00:14:20,958
in the budget
that Kenny can stay.
300
00:14:21,060 --> 00:14:24,762
But where are we gonna
come up with $26,372?
301
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,698
I...
302
00:14:29,936 --> 00:14:31,669
You thinkin'
what I'm thinkin'?
303
00:14:31,771 --> 00:14:32,970
Yeah.
304
00:14:33,072 --> 00:14:35,706
That... Ohh!
That we invite Muscles here
305
00:14:35,808 --> 00:14:36,974
to hang a banner
in our bedroom
306
00:14:37,076 --> 00:14:38,642
that says "it takes
three to party"?
307
00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:42,413
All right.
Knuckleheads.
308
00:14:42,515 --> 00:14:44,448
I need one of you
to win this talent show.
309
00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:46,684
I can do Shakespeare
in German!
310
00:14:49,622 --> 00:14:50,821
In college,
I double-majored
311
00:14:50,923 --> 00:14:53,057
in theater and
classic languages.
312
00:14:53,159 --> 00:14:55,392
Does that degree come
with headgear and allergies?
313
00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:59,530
Let's take a look
at our other options. Gandhi,
314
00:14:59,632 --> 00:15:01,065
you appear to be a man
315
00:15:01,167 --> 00:15:03,000
who is utterly
without talent,
316
00:15:03,102 --> 00:15:04,836
unless of course
you wanna count the fact
317
00:15:04,938 --> 00:15:07,505
that you are the 20th-best
basketball player
318
00:15:07,607 --> 00:15:09,940
in a predominantly
white hospital.
319
00:15:11,844 --> 00:15:15,946
Jordan, your only skill
is illegal in 26 states.
320
00:15:16,048 --> 00:15:17,815
It's 27.
Arkansas buckled.
321
00:15:19,552 --> 00:15:20,985
Carla...
322
00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:22,920
...that makes you my girl.
323
00:15:23,023 --> 00:15:24,621
Hell, we could
crank up the humidity
324
00:15:24,724 --> 00:15:25,923
and watch your hair explode.
325
00:15:26,025 --> 00:15:27,224
That'd be terrific.
326
00:15:28,528 --> 00:15:30,494
Which leaves me, and...
327
00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:32,329
...unless all of you
wanna see me
328
00:15:32,431 --> 00:15:35,066
turn a two-syllable word
into a six-syllable word,
329
00:15:35,167 --> 00:15:38,803
I rehe-he-he-he-heally
think...
330
00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:41,939
...that we should
keep looking.
331
00:15:42,041 --> 00:15:44,509
Newbie! I almost
forgot about you.
332
00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:46,310
You know what?
Save your breath.
333
00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:47,945
I'm about to get
in a hot-air balloon
334
00:15:48,047 --> 00:15:50,347
and get Evel Knievel
on my own ass.
335
00:15:52,551 --> 00:15:53,550
Come on, Elliot.
336
00:15:53,653 --> 00:15:55,852
Let's go French-kiss
the sun.
337
00:15:57,824 --> 00:16:01,425
You know, you're wrong about
Turk. He has many, many talents.
338
00:16:01,528 --> 00:16:05,396
Yeah, he's really good at not
finding five seconds to kiss his wife.
339
00:16:05,498 --> 00:16:07,131
Wow! That's interesting
340
00:16:07,233 --> 00:16:09,467
because you're really good
at that too.
341
00:16:09,569 --> 00:16:10,634
- Oh, really?
- Really.
342
00:16:10,737 --> 00:16:12,470
- Really?
- Really!
343
00:16:12,572 --> 00:16:15,472
At least I can remember how long
we've been married or what our song is.
344
00:16:15,575 --> 00:16:18,109
I don't know the name
but I know it goes like this:
345
00:16:24,483 --> 00:16:27,585
Are you humming the "let's
all go to the movies" song?
346
00:16:27,687 --> 00:16:29,453
Is that not our song?
347
00:16:29,555 --> 00:16:31,055
It's sung by hot dogs.
348
00:16:35,594 --> 00:16:37,194
What an amazing day!
349
00:16:37,296 --> 00:16:40,164
A balloon ride, lunch by the
beach and my first carnival.
350
00:16:40,266 --> 00:16:43,000
Yeah. Sorry you missed out
on getting your face painted.
351
00:16:43,102 --> 00:16:45,269
Well, they only had time
to paint one more face,
352
00:16:45,371 --> 00:16:48,406
so I let the kid behind me go
to make him stop crying.
353
00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:50,507
That was awesome!
354
00:16:53,946 --> 00:16:55,679
Spider-Girl.
355
00:16:59,719 --> 00:17:01,385
All right, talent show's
about to start.
356
00:17:01,487 --> 00:17:03,187
Talent show?
I'd love to see it,
357
00:17:03,289 --> 00:17:05,422
but I'm too tired
to get out of bed.
358
00:17:05,524 --> 00:17:07,357
That sucks for you!
359
00:17:08,961 --> 00:17:11,562
I'm just kidding!
We're gonna do it right here!
360
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:17,601
O Romeo, Romeo...
361
00:17:31,418 --> 00:17:32,749
Gesundheit.
362
00:17:35,688 --> 00:17:38,121
Hey, I'm wonderin',
363
00:17:38,224 --> 00:17:40,023
what's the story
with steel wool?
364
00:17:40,125 --> 00:17:41,925
I mean, is it steel,
or is it wool?
365
00:17:42,027 --> 00:17:44,494
Make up your mind,
steel wool.
366
00:17:44,597 --> 00:17:47,065
Are there iron sheep
hoppin' around Scotland?
367
00:17:49,602 --> 00:17:53,204
Oh, brother.
Look, I-I...
368
00:17:53,306 --> 00:17:55,773
Start laughing, or I start
unplugging your machines.
369
00:17:57,977 --> 00:17:59,977
And if any
of you cows, goats
370
00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:02,680
or ducks
have any questions,
371
00:18:02,782 --> 00:18:05,016
don't be afraid
to ask me.
372
00:18:05,118 --> 00:18:07,218
I'm just
like all of you,
373
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:12,256
only giant and human.
374
00:18:12,358 --> 00:18:14,057
Thank you. I hope you
enjoyed our production
375
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:16,894
of World's Most Giant
Doctor Goes to the Farm.
376
00:18:16,996 --> 00:18:20,131
So, what did we
end up going with?
377
00:18:20,233 --> 00:18:22,033
Oh, you went
with the farm idea.
378
00:18:24,303 --> 00:18:26,604
Oh, my God,
we're doomed.
379
00:18:27,573 --> 00:18:29,707
OK, Perry, that's it.
It's over.
380
00:18:29,809 --> 00:18:32,443
The only act left to see
is you firing that guy.
381
00:18:32,545 --> 00:18:35,446
Wait, wait, wait.
There's one more contestant.
382
00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:37,414
Oh, no.
383
00:18:37,516 --> 00:18:38,982
Is that Kenny?
384
00:18:39,084 --> 00:18:40,484
Hi. I'm Kenny.
385
00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:44,989
Yeah, it is.
386
00:18:48,261 --> 00:18:52,196
♪ Isn't she lovely? ♪
387
00:18:52,298 --> 00:18:55,832
♪ Isn't she wonderful? ♪
388
00:18:55,935 --> 00:19:00,004
♪ Isn't she precious ♪
389
00:19:00,106 --> 00:19:03,607
♪ Less than
one minute old? ♪
390
00:19:03,709 --> 00:19:05,943
Hey, that...
That's our song.
391
00:19:06,045 --> 00:19:07,878
Yeah, I know. I told him
to sing it.
392
00:19:09,415 --> 00:19:12,183
♪ Through us
He's given life to one ♪
393
00:19:12,285 --> 00:19:15,152
♪ Isn't she lovely ♪
394
00:19:15,254 --> 00:19:19,223
♪ Made from love? ♪
395
00:19:26,465 --> 00:19:29,299
All right, now, Bobbo, you give it
to him. You know he deserves it.
396
00:19:29,401 --> 00:19:30,801
The winner.
397
00:19:32,571 --> 00:19:35,005
Thattaboy!
398
00:19:35,108 --> 00:19:37,875
Uh, Turk and I are gonna go
home and spend some time together.
399
00:19:37,977 --> 00:19:39,476
Some good time!
400
00:19:40,914 --> 00:19:43,414
And by good time,
she means bumpin' uglies.
401
00:19:46,719 --> 00:19:49,586
Well, I hope you had
a good day, Mr. James.
402
00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:51,555
Wait a second!
403
00:19:51,657 --> 00:19:53,991
This chart isn't
for Charles James.
404
00:19:54,093 --> 00:19:55,459
It's for James Charles.
405
00:19:55,561 --> 00:19:57,461
He's the one
who has cancer, not you.
406
00:19:57,563 --> 00:19:59,530
And who cares about him?
He's anti-Semitic!
407
00:19:59,632 --> 00:20:00,965
Exactly.
408
00:20:01,067 --> 00:20:03,500
Well, that's
a load off my mind.
409
00:20:03,602 --> 00:20:05,235
Hey, everybody!
410
00:20:07,974 --> 00:20:10,173
Thanks for coming
so quickly.
411
00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:15,479
You know, this is the kind of thing
I normally say out loud in my head,
412
00:20:15,581 --> 00:20:17,281
but since we're all here...
413
00:20:17,383 --> 00:20:18,782
It just seems
like in the end,
414
00:20:18,884 --> 00:20:21,285
everything always works out
because as long as we...
415
00:20:23,489 --> 00:20:25,422
Mr. James?
416
00:20:25,525 --> 00:20:27,791
Mr. James,
can you hear me?
417
00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:30,060
He's apneic! We need an airway!
Call anesthesia!
418
00:20:30,162 --> 00:20:32,496
Wait.
This isn't right.
419
00:20:32,598 --> 00:20:33,964
We're gonna intubate.
420
00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:36,099
Hang some dopamine,
wide open!
421
00:20:36,201 --> 00:20:38,268
I need an ET tube.
Where's anesthesia?
422
00:20:38,371 --> 00:20:41,105
Unfortunately, around
here things don't always end
423
00:20:41,207 --> 00:20:43,574
as neat and tidy
as they do in sitcoms.
424
00:20:45,411 --> 00:20:48,078
Relationships aren't always
magically fixed in 30 minutes.
425
00:20:48,180 --> 00:20:51,048
You have to work on them.
426
00:20:51,150 --> 00:20:53,150
Problems don't always
have easy solutions.
427
00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:55,419
Hey, Kenny,
once again, I'm...
428
00:20:55,521 --> 00:20:57,021
I'm real sorry.
429
00:20:57,123 --> 00:20:58,822
Welcome to my world.
430
00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:02,426
Now imagine going home
to my wife.
431
00:21:02,528 --> 00:21:06,329
And around here, nice
people don't always get better.
432
00:21:11,236 --> 00:21:13,804
And at times like that,
it's comforting to know
433
00:21:13,906 --> 00:21:16,339
there's always one thing
that can pick your spirits up.