1
00:00:02,703 --> 00:00:04,870
Even though
it can be tough around here,
2
00:00:04,972 --> 00:00:08,340
sometimes God gives you little
gifts to get you through the day.
3
00:00:15,582 --> 00:00:17,182
You're gonna want
to grab a mop...
4
00:00:17,284 --> 00:00:18,950
Shush. Watching The Sixth Sense.
5
00:00:19,052 --> 00:00:20,752
There's a mess in the hallway.
6
00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:25,456
- This kid sees dead people.
- That film is at least five years old.
7
00:00:25,559 --> 00:00:27,492
So what? I haven't seen it.
8
00:00:29,930 --> 00:00:31,830
Bruce Willis is a ghost.
9
00:00:31,932 --> 00:00:34,499
He's been dead
the entire time.
10
00:00:34,602 --> 00:00:37,001
Oh! All the best.
11
00:00:37,104 --> 00:00:39,871
No! No!
12
00:00:39,973 --> 00:00:42,407
You guys, I'm so
excited about tonight.
13
00:00:42,509 --> 00:00:44,275
Settle down.
We're just going to a nightclub.
14
00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:47,379
No, Carla.
An African-American club.
15
00:00:47,481 --> 00:00:49,581
Promise me
you'll be cool.
16
00:00:49,683 --> 00:00:53,118
In Turk's defense,
we had tried this once before.
17
00:00:55,689 --> 00:00:57,055
You can't touch me.
18
00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:02,427
And once before that.
19
00:01:02,529 --> 00:01:05,263
Yeeeah, boyeee!
20
00:01:06,333 --> 00:01:09,835
Aw, man.
It's only 10:00.
21
00:01:11,605 --> 00:01:13,805
But, hey,
the third time's a charm.
22
00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:15,907
All right,
you three can go in.
23
00:01:16,009 --> 00:01:17,609
- Word.
- Uh-uh. You're out.
24
00:01:17,711 --> 00:01:21,313
- Oh, look, sir...
- Baby, I got this. Listen here, man.
25
00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:23,448
Homey here, he's a
little out of his mizzle,
26
00:01:23,550 --> 00:01:25,317
so I'm just saying,
for just a little bizzle,
27
00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:28,052
if you let him up in this
pizzle, he'll be all chizzle.
28
00:01:28,154 --> 00:01:30,222
You out too.
29
00:01:30,324 --> 00:01:32,824
Sir, this is
for idiot number one,
30
00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:35,227
and this is
for idiot number two.
31
00:01:37,298 --> 00:01:38,963
Come on, you fool.
32
00:01:43,837 --> 00:01:45,337
Oh, I knew I'd get in!
33
00:01:45,438 --> 00:01:47,806
Just don't lose
your head, Bambi.
34
00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:52,243
Oh!
35
00:01:56,249 --> 00:02:00,252
Turk! J.D.'s doing the...
36
00:02:06,260 --> 00:02:09,528
Oh, God.
37
00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:12,663
After two hours of intense
roboting, I was parched.
38
00:02:15,269 --> 00:02:17,802
And that's when I saw Kylie.
39
00:02:20,707 --> 00:02:24,242
Hi. Can you make me
an appletini?
40
00:02:24,344 --> 00:02:26,210
I hope so.
It's my favorite drink.
41
00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:28,346
Oh, my God.
That's a sign!
42
00:02:28,448 --> 00:02:30,849
If only she had my
goofy sense of humor.
43
00:02:30,951 --> 00:02:33,752
Ran out of vodka. Let me go
downstairs and get some more.
44
00:02:38,859 --> 00:02:41,760
I've been working
on my fake stair walk.
45
00:02:41,861 --> 00:02:43,795
OK, time
to move in for the kill.
46
00:02:43,897 --> 00:02:46,297
Work the fact you're a doctor
into the conversation.
47
00:02:46,399 --> 00:02:47,565
Just be subtle.
48
00:02:47,667 --> 00:02:50,135
I'm a doctor.
Uh, John Dorian.
49
00:02:50,237 --> 00:02:51,536
Most of my patients live.
50
00:02:51,638 --> 00:02:55,006
This is so weird. I've
been looking for a doctor...
51
00:02:55,109 --> 00:02:57,308
My God, look at
those beautiful eyes.
52
00:02:57,410 --> 00:02:59,877
They're so big I can
see myself in them.
53
00:02:59,979 --> 00:03:02,280
Wow! How cute am I?
54
00:03:02,382 --> 00:03:04,182
So it's probably
nothing big,
55
00:03:04,284 --> 00:03:06,084
but I'm wondering
if you could check it out.
56
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:08,620
You got it. Come by
Sacred Heart tomorrow.
57
00:03:08,722 --> 00:03:12,057
I have clinic hours.
After all, I'm a doctor.
58
00:03:13,894 --> 00:03:16,094
I can't believe this.
You're gonna date a patient.
59
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:18,964
I hope she has something that
keeps her so you can get to know her.
60
00:03:19,066 --> 00:03:21,600
I gotta thank you for taking
a special interest in this.
61
00:03:21,701 --> 00:03:23,668
Don't give him too much
credit. He's just excited
62
00:03:23,770 --> 00:03:26,972
because he wishes he dated more
sexy black women when he was single.
63
00:03:27,073 --> 00:03:28,473
Well, at least
he married one.
64
00:03:28,575 --> 00:03:32,110
- Todd, I'm not black.
- Right. And I'm not straight.
65
00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:35,647
Do you ever get that special
fluttery feeling in your heart
66
00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:38,249
when you feel like a woman's
about to change your life?
67
00:03:38,352 --> 00:03:42,120
Hey, J.D.!
This is my boyfriend James.
68
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:44,422
Thanks again
for seeing him.
69
00:03:44,524 --> 00:03:47,559
- How's your heart?
- The fluttering has stopped.
70
00:03:47,661 --> 00:03:49,828
- There. Is she black?
- - Uh-uh.
71
00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:53,097
♪ I can't do this
all on my own ♪
72
00:03:53,199 --> 00:03:57,035
♪ No, I know
I'm no Superman ♪
73
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,407
♪ I'm no Superman ♪
74
00:04:04,178 --> 00:04:07,346
- Be with you in a second.
- Thanks, doc.
75
00:04:07,448 --> 00:04:10,816
It's funny. I thought you said you
were the one who needed a doctor.
76
00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:12,517
No. I told you
it was James.
77
00:04:12,619 --> 00:04:14,619
Oh. How could
I not have heard that?
78
00:04:14,721 --> 00:04:16,254
Remember, I said...
79
00:04:16,356 --> 00:04:18,690
My God, look
at those beautiful eyes.
80
00:04:18,792 --> 00:04:20,725
They're so b...
You're doing it again!
81
00:04:20,827 --> 00:04:22,761
So I'll
see you in there.
82
00:04:22,863 --> 00:04:26,598
OK. In there I'll see you.
83
00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:29,067
Oh, man!
I can't believe it's over.
84
00:04:29,169 --> 00:04:30,968
Dude, maybe
it's not that serious.
85
00:04:31,070 --> 00:04:33,104
There could be a window,
but you have to get in there
86
00:04:33,206 --> 00:04:35,239
and fish for information,
all right?
87
00:04:35,341 --> 00:04:36,675
You don't want
to lose this hottie!
88
00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:38,877
She is a slamming hottie,
and you don't want to...
89
00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:40,244
- Turk.
- Mm-hmm.
90
00:04:40,346 --> 00:04:42,647
I got this. Baby,
you know you're his world.
91
00:04:42,749 --> 00:04:46,385
I'm going for it. But, you know,
I gotta go in there hot.
92
00:04:46,487 --> 00:04:49,253
Turk, what's that joke
that Mickhead always tells?
93
00:04:49,355 --> 00:04:51,423
Dude, a guy walks
into a dentist's office
94
00:04:51,525 --> 00:04:53,191
and says,
"I think I'm a moth."
95
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:56,094
The dentist then says, "Well,
if you think you're a moth,
96
00:04:56,196 --> 00:04:58,130
why'd you come
to the dentist's office?"
97
00:04:58,232 --> 00:04:59,464
The guy then says,
98
00:04:59,566 --> 00:05:01,032
"Well, the light was on."
99
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:05,002
That moth is crazy.
100
00:05:05,105 --> 00:05:07,172
Hey, I heard a great joke.
101
00:05:07,274 --> 00:05:10,142
A guys walks into a dentist's
office and says, "I think I'm a moth."
102
00:05:10,243 --> 00:05:12,477
The dentist says, "Well,
if you think you're a moth,
103
00:05:12,579 --> 00:05:14,012
why are you
in a dentist's office?"
104
00:05:14,114 --> 00:05:15,747
I forgot the punchline.
105
00:05:15,849 --> 00:05:19,584
You can't bail out now.
Stall, stall!
106
00:05:19,686 --> 00:05:24,022
So the moth says,
"That's a good question.
107
00:05:24,124 --> 00:05:25,957
What kind of dentist are you?"
108
00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:28,426
And the dentist says,
"Well, I'm a general dentist,
109
00:05:28,529 --> 00:05:31,963
but I do dabble in orthodontry,
braces and such."
110
00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:34,298
And the moth says,
111
00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:37,436
"Orthodontry? I hear
there's great money in that."
112
00:05:37,538 --> 00:05:39,071
The light was on!
113
00:05:39,173 --> 00:05:41,206
"But to answer
your original question,
114
00:05:41,308 --> 00:05:43,908
which was if I think I'm a moth,
why am I in a dentist's office,
115
00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:46,178
the answer is
because the light was on."
116
00:05:48,382 --> 00:05:50,949
The light.
It was the light, James.
117
00:05:51,050 --> 00:05:53,251
Moths love light.
So, James,
118
00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:56,455
other than your funny bone being
broken, what seems to be the problem?
119
00:05:56,557 --> 00:05:59,223
I've had a fever and
stomachache for almost a week.
120
00:05:59,325 --> 00:06:01,393
OK, well, let's get
a little history on you.
121
00:06:01,494 --> 00:06:03,594
Time to go
fishing for some info.
122
00:06:03,696 --> 00:06:05,596
Do you ever have
any shortness of breath,
123
00:06:05,698 --> 00:06:09,134
for instance when you're walking
Kylie to the apartment that you share?
124
00:06:09,236 --> 00:06:11,970
- We don't live together.
- - Window! Window!
125
00:06:12,072 --> 00:06:15,173
Oh, so you're waiting
until you get married.
126
00:06:15,275 --> 00:06:17,776
- We're not engaged.
- To answer your question,
127
00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:19,444
I don't have
any shortness of breath,
128
00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:20,945
but my right knee
is a little puffy.
129
00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:24,048
Maybe that's from dragging
your feet. Am I right, Kylie?
130
00:06:24,150 --> 00:06:26,217
She knows! OK.
131
00:06:26,319 --> 00:06:29,353
Using patient histories to your
advantage is an old doctor trick.
132
00:06:29,455 --> 00:06:33,391
Let's face it. What a doctor says and what
they mean are often two different things.
133
00:06:33,493 --> 00:06:35,594
I know Dr. Robbins treated
your husband in the ER,
134
00:06:35,696 --> 00:06:37,862
but we're gonna approach
this case a bit differently.
135
00:06:37,964 --> 00:06:41,600
And it's very comforting to
have the chief of medicine here.
136
00:06:41,702 --> 00:06:45,369
I took a special
interest in this case.
137
00:06:45,472 --> 00:06:47,004
Oh, thank you.
138
00:06:50,143 --> 00:06:53,712
Hey, Elliot. Your
boobies look hot today.
139
00:06:54,948 --> 00:06:57,215
Mr. Cheng's results show
that he's in renal failure.
140
00:06:57,317 --> 00:06:59,150
We're waiting for
results of his blood smear.
141
00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:00,751
No need. I saw
his chart right before
142
00:07:00,854 --> 00:07:02,887
I went to the bakery.
He's got malaria.
143
00:07:02,989 --> 00:07:05,056
And you were going
to tell him this
144
00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:06,857
after you had
a sticky bun?
145
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,560
Well, in my defense,
he's going to live
146
00:07:08,662 --> 00:07:11,129
at least another 12 hours
and the bakery closes at 5:00.
147
00:07:11,231 --> 00:07:12,898
But we've gotta
get moving on this.
148
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:14,299
What should we do?
149
00:07:14,401 --> 00:07:17,902
Nothing. Mr. Cheng
is not long for this world.
150
00:07:20,306 --> 00:07:22,707
Do you believe that guy?
151
00:07:22,809 --> 00:07:24,376
I never cease
to be amazed by the depth
152
00:07:24,477 --> 00:07:26,444
of his cynicism
and callousness.
153
00:07:26,546 --> 00:07:28,580
So, what do you
think we should do?
154
00:07:28,682 --> 00:07:31,582
Oh, I don't care. I'm going home
to watch the Lakers play the Heat.
155
00:07:31,685 --> 00:07:33,919
It's the game of the year,
Shaq versus Kobe.
156
00:07:34,021 --> 00:07:36,755
And you are going to stay here
and deal with this yourself.
157
00:07:36,856 --> 00:07:38,489
Shaq versus Kobe?
158
00:07:38,591 --> 00:07:40,659
All the best.
Ooh! Let it happen.
159
00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:43,861
Three, two, one... Ahh!
160
00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:48,833
What's this
stretch good for?
161
00:07:48,935 --> 00:07:52,036
It loosens up my chest, but
you should probably stretch too.
162
00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:56,074
Don't need to, buddy. I got a tube of
Bengay on each one of my hamstrings.
163
00:07:56,175 --> 00:07:57,875
How are things
going with Kylie?
164
00:07:57,978 --> 00:08:00,645
They're OK. Is there some
way to get a black girl to like you?
165
00:08:00,747 --> 00:08:02,813
The difference between
a black girl and a white girl
166
00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:06,717
is when a black girl asks you if her
ass looks big, you say, "Hell, yeah."
167
00:08:06,819 --> 00:08:08,019
- All right.
- OK?
168
00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:10,054
- Want to play ball?
- Hell, yes.
169
00:08:12,592 --> 00:08:14,359
Dr. Kelso,
I've thought about it,
170
00:08:14,461 --> 00:08:16,093
and I am not going
to just stand around
171
00:08:16,196 --> 00:08:17,495
and wait
for Mr. Cheng to die.
172
00:08:17,597 --> 00:08:19,397
- Excuse me?
- Are you kidding me?
173
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:22,833
Barbie going toe-to-toe with Big
Bob in a battle of the annoyings?
174
00:08:22,935 --> 00:08:25,236
Well, happy birthday to me!
175
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:26,971
We should do
an exchange transfusion.
176
00:08:27,073 --> 00:08:28,606
And the southpaw
with the blonde bangs
177
00:08:28,708 --> 00:08:30,542
and big britches
comes out swinging!
178
00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:34,079
Sweetheart, the man is 72 and
in multi-system organ dysfunction.
179
00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:36,881
It's done. It's parasites one,
person zero,
180
00:08:36,983 --> 00:08:38,983
and if you tell that
family he's got a chance,
181
00:08:39,086 --> 00:08:41,318
all you're doing
is raising their hopes.
182
00:08:41,420 --> 00:08:43,755
Oh, tremendous body blow!
183
00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:46,124
Oh, and for the record,
we're not colleagues.
184
00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:48,259
I don't care
what you think.
185
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,161
Ding! Ding! Ding!
186
00:08:50,263 --> 00:08:53,164
And the fight goes
to the stocky middleweight
187
00:08:53,266 --> 00:08:54,733
from Monroeville,
Pennsylvania.
188
00:08:54,835 --> 00:08:56,735
By the way, Perry,
Mickhead called in sick.
189
00:08:56,837 --> 00:08:58,003
I need you to work tonight.
190
00:08:58,104 --> 00:09:00,471
Yeah, that's well and good,
but I'm not available.
191
00:09:00,573 --> 00:09:02,807
There is no chance
I am missing this game.
192
00:09:02,909 --> 00:09:04,676
No chance, no how.
193
00:09:04,778 --> 00:09:06,911
What the...?
194
00:09:07,013 --> 00:09:10,782
Say, Bob, what the hell
happened in your office?
195
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:13,384
Oh, every year, the med students
get me with a practical joke.
196
00:09:13,487 --> 00:09:16,921
They messed with the speed
control on my treadmill.
197
00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:27,799
What I can't figure
is how they got into my office.
198
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:30,134
Here's the key
to Kelso's office.
199
00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:32,470
And here's Nurse
Tisdale's phone number.
200
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:35,306
I don't have any idea how they
might've gotten in here, Bob,
201
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:37,308
but I can tell you this.
If you think I'm missing
202
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:39,777
the biggest game of the year,
you've got another thing...
203
00:09:39,879 --> 00:09:41,545
I hate to interrupt,
but I'm still woozy
204
00:09:41,648 --> 00:09:43,881
from being shot into
my wall like a lawn dart,
205
00:09:43,983 --> 00:09:45,883
so why don't you
just go work your shift
206
00:09:45,985 --> 00:09:48,786
and use my VCR
to tape the game?
207
00:09:50,290 --> 00:09:52,156
When did you get this?
208
00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:55,393
Right about the time we
couldn't afford that MRI machine.
209
00:09:55,495 --> 00:09:58,429
Ah, of course you did.
210
00:09:58,531 --> 00:10:01,632
Hey, Kylie, I wrote down
that moth joke for you.
211
00:10:01,734 --> 00:10:03,168
Wow.
212
00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:05,936
Give her a compliment.
Tell her she has a huge ass.
213
00:10:06,039 --> 00:10:08,306
- You...
- What happened to your eye?
214
00:10:08,408 --> 00:10:11,342
Oh, this. It's a little embarrassing.
I was playing basket...
215
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:14,545
Embarrassing for me,
actually. See... Wingman time.
216
00:10:14,648 --> 00:10:18,950
...we were playing basketball, and he scored
eight buckets in a row on yours truly.
217
00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:20,985
- I alley-ooped him.
- Shut up.
218
00:10:21,087 --> 00:10:23,587
Hmm! You could've
used J.D. at Seton Hall.
219
00:10:23,689 --> 00:10:26,157
Oh, also, the soup kitchen
where you volunteer called...
220
00:10:26,259 --> 00:10:27,558
You played ball
at Seton Hall?
221
00:10:27,661 --> 00:10:29,027
All four years.
222
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:30,328
Get out of here!
223
00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:32,730
Did the soup kitchen where
I volunteer have a message?
224
00:10:32,832 --> 00:10:35,366
They're out of broth. What
was playing college ball like?
225
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:38,769
- I'm gonna go to the cafeteria and get you a coffee.
- OK.
226
00:10:38,871 --> 00:10:41,238
Hell, no! Sweetie ain't
drinking no cafeteria coffee.
227
00:10:41,340 --> 00:10:45,276
Sweetie, you are drinking the
coffee from the doctors' lounge.
228
00:10:45,378 --> 00:10:48,479
Let's...
Seton Hall, huh?
229
00:10:48,581 --> 00:10:50,581
Thank you.
230
00:10:50,684 --> 00:10:53,884
It's the test results.
Let's see what's going on.
231
00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:57,788
Your Gram stain
shows that you have...
232
00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:01,459
You have gonorrhea.
233
00:11:03,430 --> 00:11:06,464
We should probably test Kylie
to see if she's infected.
234
00:11:06,566 --> 00:11:08,533
Oh, no, we haven't
slept together... yet.
235
00:11:08,635 --> 00:11:10,001
It's not like
I'm missing out.
236
00:11:10,103 --> 00:11:12,837
I probably got it
from my secretary.
237
00:11:12,939 --> 00:11:14,272
Or that trainer from the gym.
238
00:11:14,374 --> 00:11:18,576
Ooh! Or this fine chick Tamyra
that bartends with Kylie. Yeah.
239
00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:21,412
We should probably
get you fixed up
240
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:24,548
or things might start
falling off of you.
241
00:11:24,650 --> 00:11:27,485
Listen up. I have been cursed
242
00:11:27,587 --> 00:11:29,654
to work the night shift
with you chuckleheads,
243
00:11:29,756 --> 00:11:33,090
which means I have
to tape the Laker-Heat game,
244
00:11:33,192 --> 00:11:36,361
and seeing as no one
in the history of this germbox
245
00:11:36,463 --> 00:11:39,864
has never made made it through a shift
without saying, "Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
246
00:11:39,966 --> 00:11:43,100
Did you see what happened last
night on America's Fattest Fatties?
247
00:11:43,202 --> 00:11:44,969
A 900-pound woman
lost a pound and a half
248
00:11:45,071 --> 00:11:47,572
and cried for 20 minutes,"
be warned.
249
00:11:47,674 --> 00:11:50,608
If you utter a word
about the score of the game,
250
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:54,245
it will be your last.
Now get out!
251
00:11:54,347 --> 00:11:56,914
Go, go, go, go!
Chop, chop!
252
00:11:57,017 --> 00:11:59,650
What drives people
to seek revenge?
253
00:12:01,087 --> 00:12:04,922
So... you don't want to know
the ending of something.
254
00:12:05,024 --> 00:12:07,492
I can relate to that.
255
00:12:07,594 --> 00:12:08,893
What is that in your lap?
256
00:12:08,995 --> 00:12:12,696
Leonard.
Half-kitten, half-monkey.
257
00:12:16,202 --> 00:12:18,403
Unfortunately,
with his system failing,
258
00:12:18,504 --> 00:12:21,105
Dr. Reid and I have agreed
there's nothing more we can do.
259
00:12:21,207 --> 00:12:24,875
What drives people
to go back on their word?
260
00:12:24,978 --> 00:12:26,544
If we do an
exchange transfusion,
261
00:12:26,646 --> 00:12:28,712
there's a chance we
can save your father.
262
00:12:28,815 --> 00:12:31,448
Oh! Thank you, thank you!
263
00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:33,551
Thank you, thank you!
264
00:12:33,653 --> 00:12:35,453
Now, you have
to keep this between us.
265
00:12:35,555 --> 00:12:38,356
You know, doctor-patient
confidentiality, right?
266
00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:40,858
And what do you do
when every fiber of your being
267
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,228
wants to say something,
but you know you can't.
268
00:12:43,330 --> 00:12:46,564
Hey! What are you
guys talking about?
269
00:12:47,534 --> 00:12:49,601
Nothing.
270
00:12:57,476 --> 00:13:00,378
Why do all the good ones have
boyfriends with venereal diseases,
271
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:03,047
but you can't say anything
because you're the guy's doctor?
272
00:13:03,149 --> 00:13:05,416
I am so sick
of men screwing women over,
273
00:13:05,518 --> 00:13:09,220
like cheating on them or using your
lavender bath gel to wash their car.
274
00:13:09,322 --> 00:13:11,155
Baby, you did not
just compare cheating
275
00:13:11,258 --> 00:13:13,258
and getting gonorrhea
to me using your soap.
276
00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:16,227
I'm just saying
men let you down.
277
00:13:16,329 --> 00:13:18,129
J.D.,
you have to tell her.
278
00:13:18,231 --> 00:13:20,732
When J.D. became a doctor,
he took the Hippocratic oath,
279
00:13:20,834 --> 00:13:22,533
and there's
no way around it.
280
00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:30,641
- Is there an "A"?
- Yes, there is.
281
00:13:30,743 --> 00:13:32,543
Yes!
282
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:36,080
There may be a way around it.
283
00:13:36,182 --> 00:13:38,349
Thanks.
284
00:13:42,088 --> 00:13:44,855
Ooh! Barbie,
you are up there
285
00:13:44,957 --> 00:13:46,190
without a net this time.
286
00:13:46,293 --> 00:13:48,426
Well, I sure do hope
Mr. Cheng rallies for you
287
00:13:48,528 --> 00:13:50,060
because if he doesn't,
sure shootin',
288
00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:52,530
you're gonna be hearing
Bob Kelso's voice saying,
289
00:13:52,632 --> 00:13:54,565
"Sweetheart, I told you so,"
290
00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:56,567
from now until you're
two inches shorter
291
00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:59,370
and driving around Florida
with your left blinker on.
292
00:13:59,472 --> 00:14:01,505
Oh, now it's time
to ruin the game.
293
00:14:01,607 --> 00:14:04,608
- Come with me to the window.
- Why? Do you have some elaborate plan?
294
00:14:04,710 --> 00:14:06,210
I do, as a matter of fact.
295
00:14:06,312 --> 00:14:08,679
I convinced everybody that's
afraid of me to go outside
296
00:14:08,782 --> 00:14:10,414
and spell out
the score of the game.
297
00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:12,549
- Really?
- No, you idiot.
298
00:14:12,652 --> 00:14:14,585
I'm just gonna tell you
the score of the game,
299
00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:16,788
maybe knock your head
against the glass.
300
00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:20,591
Look, I was way out of line
telling you how that movie ended,
301
00:14:20,694 --> 00:14:23,328
but, God save me,
watching sports
302
00:14:23,430 --> 00:14:26,530
is one of the last pure
pleasures I have left in my life.
303
00:14:26,632 --> 00:14:28,999
So, you tell me
what's it gonna take
304
00:14:29,101 --> 00:14:33,338
for you to let me go home, sit in my
massage chair, and enjoy the game?
305
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:37,709
I would like to perform
open heart surgery.
306
00:14:37,811 --> 00:14:40,678
- No.
- How about you perform surgery on me
307
00:14:40,780 --> 00:14:42,780
- so that I can breathe underwater?
- No.
308
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:45,416
- I would like a shark that can read minds.
- No.
309
00:14:45,518 --> 00:14:48,352
- You and I trade lives for a year.
- No.
310
00:14:48,454 --> 00:14:51,122
A home-cooked meal and an
hour in your massage chair?
311
00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:53,791
- Done.
- Done.
312
00:14:56,663 --> 00:14:59,764
Hey, guys, it's off.
313
00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:06,703
Wow! You guys are organized.
314
00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:11,608
Hey, did you catch
that Lakers-Heat game?
315
00:15:11,710 --> 00:15:15,245
Five seconds left...
316
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,820
I can't believe you make
$300 in tips a night.
317
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:25,356
Mm-hmm. This is why doctors
should have tip jars.
318
00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:27,858
I mean, I make three bucks
for serving a martini.
319
00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:30,328
You put your lips on the
mouth of a slobbering dead guy
320
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:31,496
and bring him back to life.
321
00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:33,530
That's gotta be worth
at least a five spot.
322
00:15:37,904 --> 00:15:40,070
I should be
getting back to James.
323
00:15:40,172 --> 00:15:42,473
There's no rush.
A nurse is up there
324
00:15:42,575 --> 00:15:44,242
right now getting
some blood from him.
325
00:15:44,344 --> 00:15:46,177
- Aah!
- I'm sorry!
326
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:48,279
It's never taken me
12 pokes to find a vein.
327
00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:50,081
Unh!
328
00:15:50,183 --> 00:15:52,383
Got it! Whee!
329
00:15:52,485 --> 00:15:54,685
Ugh! I should've
brought my laptop.
330
00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:56,487
I could've gotten
so much work done.
331
00:15:56,589 --> 00:15:58,422
You can bartend online?
332
00:15:58,524 --> 00:16:00,491
I just work at the club
to pay for grad school.
333
00:16:00,593 --> 00:16:03,061
I'm getting my Master's
in political science.
334
00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:05,496
I love politics!
Ask me anything.
335
00:16:05,598 --> 00:16:06,930
What are you doing?!
336
00:16:07,032 --> 00:16:08,666
You don't know anything
about politics!
337
00:16:08,768 --> 00:16:11,201
Unless she asks about Bush or
the bald assistant president
338
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:12,904
who has all those
heart attacks.
339
00:16:13,006 --> 00:16:15,239
Did you know
only 17 percent of people
340
00:16:15,341 --> 00:16:17,708
under the age of 25
voted last year?
341
00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:21,112
You can vote
if you're under 25?
342
00:16:21,213 --> 00:16:22,579
The only thing
you can take solace in
343
00:16:22,682 --> 00:16:24,048
is a girl like her
would probably
344
00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:25,783
never be interested
in you anyway.
345
00:16:25,885 --> 00:16:28,586
I can't believe a cute guy like
you doesn't have a girlfriend.
346
00:16:28,688 --> 00:16:30,688
If I was single,
I'd totally snatch you up.
347
00:16:30,790 --> 00:16:34,224
Would you like to play
a game of hangman?
348
00:16:35,861 --> 00:16:38,662
As I sat there letting
my interns do all my work,
349
00:16:38,764 --> 00:16:40,798
I wondered if there
was a parallel universe
350
00:16:40,900 --> 00:16:43,401
where another J.D. and another
Kylie could be together
351
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:46,837
because there's no Hippocratic
oath on planet Glornack Seven.
352
00:16:46,939 --> 00:16:48,373
Are you
on Glornack Seven?
353
00:16:48,475 --> 00:16:49,573
Why are you so happy?
354
00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:51,308
I just did
an exchange transfusion
355
00:16:51,410 --> 00:16:52,542
on my malaria patient in there,
356
00:16:52,645 --> 00:16:54,711
and he just woke up
from his coma.
357
00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:57,481
Well, he woke up to a
world of bad boyfriends,
358
00:16:57,583 --> 00:16:59,384
oaths and gonorrhea.
359
00:16:59,486 --> 00:17:01,786
He sure did,
and you know why?
360
00:17:01,888 --> 00:17:04,421
I broke the rules and ignored
what Dr. Kelso wanted me to do.
361
00:17:04,523 --> 00:17:06,791
Sometimes you
have to break the rules.
362
00:17:06,893 --> 00:17:09,593
Elliot's patient waking up was
a clear sign you couldn't deny.
363
00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:12,563
Mr. Cheng is crashing.
364
00:17:12,665 --> 00:17:15,866
Signs be damned!
I'm telling her.
365
00:17:15,968 --> 00:17:19,036
Kylie! Kylie!
366
00:17:21,908 --> 00:17:24,808
Dude, you can't tell her! They
won't let you be a doctor anymore!
367
00:17:24,910 --> 00:17:26,777
Who cares? I'd make
more money bartending!
368
00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:28,746
Turk, if we leave right now,
I might actually
369
00:17:28,848 --> 00:17:32,015
be awake for sex tonight.
Just go get my coat.
370
00:17:35,088 --> 00:17:37,054
You owe me.
371
00:17:37,156 --> 00:17:40,958
Baby, so I didn't know
which one was yours,
372
00:17:41,061 --> 00:17:42,226
so I grabbed
all of them.
373
00:17:42,328 --> 00:17:44,429
Just give me a second, OK?
I need to talk to Elliot,
374
00:17:44,531 --> 00:17:45,763
and then
I gotta clock out.
375
00:17:45,865 --> 00:17:48,832
And then we have sex?
Then we have sex, OK.
376
00:17:51,670 --> 00:17:54,405
I really
thought he had a shot.
377
00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:56,773
Well,
the family's downstairs
378
00:17:56,875 --> 00:17:59,710
whenever you're ready
to talk to them.
379
00:18:10,823 --> 00:18:13,290
Go ahead. Call me
sweetheart and tell me
380
00:18:13,392 --> 00:18:15,659
I'm a pathetic excuse
for a doctor.
381
00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:19,263
You made a bold decision
and it bit you in the keister.
382
00:18:19,365 --> 00:18:21,298
Yeah.
383
00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:24,435
I don't like people
disagreeing with me.
384
00:18:24,537 --> 00:18:28,405
There's not another resident
here who has the guts to do it.
385
00:18:28,508 --> 00:18:30,341
I just feel so guilty
about Mr. Cheng.
386
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:33,344
Could you at least just make
fun of my bangs or something?
387
00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:35,646
Dr. Reid, take it
from a colleague.
388
00:18:35,748 --> 00:18:38,582
Telling that family what happened
after getting their hopes up
389
00:18:38,684 --> 00:18:40,917
is going to be far worse
than any shot I can take
390
00:18:41,019 --> 00:18:43,687
at that John Denver
haircut you're sporting.
391
00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:47,758
Did... Did you just
call me a colleague?
392
00:18:47,861 --> 00:18:51,796
I did.
But I hate my colleagues.
393
00:18:54,433 --> 00:18:56,300
What the hell
are you doing?
394
00:18:56,402 --> 00:18:59,403
- I get to have sex.
- I hate this place.
395
00:18:59,505 --> 00:19:03,474
I get to have
sex tonight!
396
00:19:04,844 --> 00:19:08,012
- Hey, Kylie, there you are.
- Hey, J.D.
397
00:19:08,114 --> 00:19:10,247
This is your moment!
Grab it!
398
00:19:10,349 --> 00:19:13,851
Listen, Kylie...
Out loud, you idiot! Out loud!
399
00:19:13,953 --> 00:19:16,988
I wanted to thank you
for being such a great doctor.
400
00:19:17,089 --> 00:19:21,292
And there it was. Great
doctors don't break oaths.
401
00:19:24,764 --> 00:19:27,865
Thanks again
for everything.
402
00:19:29,201 --> 00:19:32,470
Someone once said
the bad guys always win.
403
00:19:32,572 --> 00:19:35,539
Sometimes the bad guy
is a jerk boyfriend.
404
00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:42,647
It's finally here,
405
00:19:42,748 --> 00:19:45,849
the long-awaited showdown
between Shaq and Kobe.
406
00:19:45,951 --> 00:19:48,452
Sometimes the bad guy
is the man you've been battling
407
00:19:48,554 --> 00:19:49,987
for as long
as you can remember.
408
00:19:50,089 --> 00:19:52,856
Hey, Perry! 98-97 Lakers.
409
00:19:52,958 --> 00:19:54,725
Kobe dunked over Shaq
for the game winner.
410
00:19:54,827 --> 00:19:59,496
Don't ever mess
with my treadmill.
411
00:20:05,137 --> 00:20:07,871
Is this homemade gravy?
412
00:20:07,973 --> 00:20:11,475
Mmm!
413
00:20:11,578 --> 00:20:13,744
And sometimes
the bad guy is a disease
414
00:20:13,846 --> 00:20:15,613
that you didn't
stand a chance against.
415
00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:19,417
But you
said he could get better.
416
00:20:19,519 --> 00:20:21,419
I'm so sorry.
417
00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:24,554
I guess all you can do is come
back to work the next morning
418
00:20:24,656 --> 00:20:27,591
and hope that being
a good guy pays off.
419
00:20:29,027 --> 00:20:30,360
What are you doing here?
420
00:20:30,463 --> 00:20:32,863
My girlfriend,
Tamyra, from the club,
421
00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:34,598
she's also feeling
a little sick,
422
00:20:34,701 --> 00:20:36,500
and you'll never
guess what she has.
423
00:20:36,602 --> 00:20:38,368
Gonorrhea!
424
00:20:38,470 --> 00:20:41,839
I mean... gonorrhea.
425
00:20:41,941 --> 00:20:43,941
Kylie, I wanted
to tell you so badly,
426
00:20:44,043 --> 00:20:45,775
but, you know,
it's against the rules.
427
00:20:45,878 --> 00:20:48,478
You can tell me now.
428
00:20:48,580 --> 00:20:51,115
Your boyfriend's a jerk.
429
00:20:51,217 --> 00:20:53,551
He's not my boyfriend.