1 00:00:02,703 --> 00:00:04,870 Even though it can be tough around here, 2 00:00:04,972 --> 00:00:08,340 sometimes God gives you little gifts to get you through the day. 3 00:00:15,582 --> 00:00:17,182 You're gonna want to grab a mop... 4 00:00:17,284 --> 00:00:18,950 Shush. Watching The Sixth Sense. 5 00:00:19,052 --> 00:00:20,752 There's a mess in the hallway. 6 00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:25,456 - This kid sees dead people. - That film is at least five years old. 7 00:00:25,559 --> 00:00:27,492 So what? I haven't seen it. 8 00:00:29,930 --> 00:00:31,830 Bruce Willis is a ghost. 9 00:00:31,932 --> 00:00:34,499 He's been dead the entire time. 10 00:00:34,602 --> 00:00:37,001 Oh! All the best. 11 00:00:37,104 --> 00:00:39,871 No! No! 12 00:00:39,973 --> 00:00:42,407 You guys, I'm so excited about tonight. 13 00:00:42,509 --> 00:00:44,275 Settle down. We're just going to a nightclub. 14 00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:47,379 No, Carla. An African-American club. 15 00:00:47,481 --> 00:00:49,581 Promise me you'll be cool. 16 00:00:49,683 --> 00:00:53,118 In Turk's defense, we had tried this once before. 17 00:00:55,689 --> 00:00:57,055 You can't touch me. 18 00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:02,427 And once before that. 19 00:01:02,529 --> 00:01:05,263 Yeeeah, boyeee! 20 00:01:06,333 --> 00:01:09,835 Aw, man. It's only 10:00. 21 00:01:11,605 --> 00:01:13,805 But, hey, the third time's a charm. 22 00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:15,907 All right, you three can go in. 23 00:01:16,009 --> 00:01:17,609 - Word. - Uh-uh. You're out. 24 00:01:17,711 --> 00:01:21,313 - Oh, look, sir... - Baby, I got this. Listen here, man. 25 00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:23,448 Homey here, he's a little out of his mizzle, 26 00:01:23,550 --> 00:01:25,317 so I'm just saying, for just a little bizzle, 27 00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:28,052 if you let him up in this pizzle, he'll be all chizzle. 28 00:01:28,154 --> 00:01:30,222 You out too. 29 00:01:30,324 --> 00:01:32,824 Sir, this is for idiot number one, 30 00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:35,227 and this is for idiot number two. 31 00:01:37,298 --> 00:01:38,963 Come on, you fool. 32 00:01:43,837 --> 00:01:45,337 Oh, I knew I'd get in! 33 00:01:45,438 --> 00:01:47,806 Just don't lose your head, Bambi. 34 00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:52,243 Oh! 35 00:01:56,249 --> 00:02:00,252 Turk! J.D.'s doing the... 36 00:02:06,260 --> 00:02:09,528 Oh, God. 37 00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:12,663 After two hours of intense roboting, I was parched. 38 00:02:15,269 --> 00:02:17,802 And that's when I saw Kylie. 39 00:02:20,707 --> 00:02:24,242 Hi. Can you make me an appletini? 40 00:02:24,344 --> 00:02:26,210 I hope so. It's my favorite drink. 41 00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:28,346 Oh, my God. That's a sign! 42 00:02:28,448 --> 00:02:30,849 If only she had my goofy sense of humor. 43 00:02:30,951 --> 00:02:33,752 Ran out of vodka. Let me go downstairs and get some more. 44 00:02:38,859 --> 00:02:41,760 I've been working on my fake stair walk. 45 00:02:41,861 --> 00:02:43,795 OK, time to move in for the kill. 46 00:02:43,897 --> 00:02:46,297 Work the fact you're a doctor into the conversation. 47 00:02:46,399 --> 00:02:47,565 Just be subtle. 48 00:02:47,667 --> 00:02:50,135 I'm a doctor. Uh, John Dorian. 49 00:02:50,237 --> 00:02:51,536 Most of my patients live. 50 00:02:51,638 --> 00:02:55,006 This is so weird. I've been looking for a doctor... 51 00:02:55,109 --> 00:02:57,308 My God, look at those beautiful eyes. 52 00:02:57,410 --> 00:02:59,877 They're so big I can see myself in them. 53 00:02:59,979 --> 00:03:02,280 Wow! How cute am I? 54 00:03:02,382 --> 00:03:04,182 So it's probably nothing big, 55 00:03:04,284 --> 00:03:06,084 but I'm wondering if you could check it out. 56 00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:08,620 You got it. Come by Sacred Heart tomorrow. 57 00:03:08,722 --> 00:03:12,057 I have clinic hours. After all, I'm a doctor. 58 00:03:13,894 --> 00:03:16,094 I can't believe this. You're gonna date a patient. 59 00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:18,964 I hope she has something that keeps her so you can get to know her. 60 00:03:19,066 --> 00:03:21,600 I gotta thank you for taking a special interest in this. 61 00:03:21,701 --> 00:03:23,668 Don't give him too much credit. He's just excited 62 00:03:23,770 --> 00:03:26,972 because he wishes he dated more sexy black women when he was single. 63 00:03:27,073 --> 00:03:28,473 Well, at least he married one. 64 00:03:28,575 --> 00:03:32,110 - Todd, I'm not black. - Right. And I'm not straight. 65 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:35,647 Do you ever get that special fluttery feeling in your heart 66 00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:38,249 when you feel like a woman's about to change your life? 67 00:03:38,352 --> 00:03:42,120 Hey, J.D.! This is my boyfriend James. 68 00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:44,422 Thanks again for seeing him. 69 00:03:44,524 --> 00:03:47,559 - How's your heart? - The fluttering has stopped. 70 00:03:47,661 --> 00:03:49,828 - There. Is she black? - - Uh-uh. 71 00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:53,097 ♪ I can't do this all on my own ♪ 72 00:03:53,199 --> 00:03:57,035 ♪ No, I know I'm no Superman ♪ 73 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,407 ♪ I'm no Superman ♪ 74 00:04:04,178 --> 00:04:07,346 - Be with you in a second. - Thanks, doc. 75 00:04:07,448 --> 00:04:10,816 It's funny. I thought you said you were the one who needed a doctor. 76 00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:12,517 No. I told you it was James. 77 00:04:12,619 --> 00:04:14,619 Oh. How could I not have heard that? 78 00:04:14,721 --> 00:04:16,254 Remember, I said... 79 00:04:16,356 --> 00:04:18,690 My God, look at those beautiful eyes. 80 00:04:18,792 --> 00:04:20,725 They're so b... You're doing it again! 81 00:04:20,827 --> 00:04:22,761 So I'll see you in there. 82 00:04:22,863 --> 00:04:26,598 OK. In there I'll see you. 83 00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:29,067 Oh, man! I can't believe it's over. 84 00:04:29,169 --> 00:04:30,968 Dude, maybe it's not that serious. 85 00:04:31,070 --> 00:04:33,104 There could be a window, but you have to get in there 86 00:04:33,206 --> 00:04:35,239 and fish for information, all right? 87 00:04:35,341 --> 00:04:36,675 You don't want to lose this hottie! 88 00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:38,877 She is a slamming hottie, and you don't want to... 89 00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:40,244 - Turk. - Mm-hmm. 90 00:04:40,346 --> 00:04:42,647 I got this. Baby, you know you're his world. 91 00:04:42,749 --> 00:04:46,385 I'm going for it. But, you know, I gotta go in there hot. 92 00:04:46,487 --> 00:04:49,253 Turk, what's that joke that Mickhead always tells? 93 00:04:49,355 --> 00:04:51,423 Dude, a guy walks into a dentist's office 94 00:04:51,525 --> 00:04:53,191 and says, "I think I'm a moth." 95 00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:56,094 The dentist then says, "Well, if you think you're a moth, 96 00:04:56,196 --> 00:04:58,130 why'd you come to the dentist's office?" 97 00:04:58,232 --> 00:04:59,464 The guy then says, 98 00:04:59,566 --> 00:05:01,032 "Well, the light was on." 99 00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:05,002 That moth is crazy. 100 00:05:05,105 --> 00:05:07,172 Hey, I heard a great joke. 101 00:05:07,274 --> 00:05:10,142 A guys walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth." 102 00:05:10,243 --> 00:05:12,477 The dentist says, "Well, if you think you're a moth, 103 00:05:12,579 --> 00:05:14,012 why are you in a dentist's office?" 104 00:05:14,114 --> 00:05:15,747 I forgot the punchline. 105 00:05:15,849 --> 00:05:19,584 You can't bail out now. Stall, stall! 106 00:05:19,686 --> 00:05:24,022 So the moth says, "That's a good question. 107 00:05:24,124 --> 00:05:25,957 What kind of dentist are you?" 108 00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:28,426 And the dentist says, "Well, I'm a general dentist, 109 00:05:28,529 --> 00:05:31,963 but I do dabble in orthodontry, braces and such." 110 00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:34,298 And the moth says, 111 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:37,436 "Orthodontry? I hear there's great money in that." 112 00:05:37,538 --> 00:05:39,071 The light was on! 113 00:05:39,173 --> 00:05:41,206 "But to answer your original question, 114 00:05:41,308 --> 00:05:43,908 which was if I think I'm a moth, why am I in a dentist's office, 115 00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:46,178 the answer is because the light was on." 116 00:05:48,382 --> 00:05:50,949 The light. It was the light, James. 117 00:05:51,050 --> 00:05:53,251 Moths love light. So, James, 118 00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:56,455 other than your funny bone being broken, what seems to be the problem? 119 00:05:56,557 --> 00:05:59,223 I've had a fever and stomachache for almost a week. 120 00:05:59,325 --> 00:06:01,393 OK, well, let's get a little history on you. 121 00:06:01,494 --> 00:06:03,594 Time to go fishing for some info. 122 00:06:03,696 --> 00:06:05,596 Do you ever have any shortness of breath, 123 00:06:05,698 --> 00:06:09,134 for instance when you're walking Kylie to the apartment that you share? 124 00:06:09,236 --> 00:06:11,970 - We don't live together. - - Window! Window! 125 00:06:12,072 --> 00:06:15,173 Oh, so you're waiting until you get married. 126 00:06:15,275 --> 00:06:17,776 - We're not engaged. - To answer your question, 127 00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:19,444 I don't have any shortness of breath, 128 00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:20,945 but my right knee is a little puffy. 129 00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:24,048 Maybe that's from dragging your feet. Am I right, Kylie? 130 00:06:24,150 --> 00:06:26,217 She knows! OK. 131 00:06:26,319 --> 00:06:29,353 Using patient histories to your advantage is an old doctor trick. 132 00:06:29,455 --> 00:06:33,391 Let's face it. What a doctor says and what they mean are often two different things. 133 00:06:33,493 --> 00:06:35,594 I know Dr. Robbins treated your husband in the ER, 134 00:06:35,696 --> 00:06:37,862 but we're gonna approach this case a bit differently. 135 00:06:37,964 --> 00:06:41,600 And it's very comforting to have the chief of medicine here. 136 00:06:41,702 --> 00:06:45,369 I took a special interest in this case. 137 00:06:45,472 --> 00:06:47,004 Oh, thank you. 138 00:06:50,143 --> 00:06:53,712 Hey, Elliot. Your boobies look hot today. 139 00:06:54,948 --> 00:06:57,215 Mr. Cheng's results show that he's in renal failure. 140 00:06:57,317 --> 00:06:59,150 We're waiting for results of his blood smear. 141 00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:00,751 No need. I saw his chart right before 142 00:07:00,854 --> 00:07:02,887 I went to the bakery. He's got malaria. 143 00:07:02,989 --> 00:07:05,056 And you were going to tell him this 144 00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:06,857 after you had a sticky bun? 145 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,560 Well, in my defense, he's going to live 146 00:07:08,662 --> 00:07:11,129 at least another 12 hours and the bakery closes at 5:00. 147 00:07:11,231 --> 00:07:12,898 But we've gotta get moving on this. 148 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:14,299 What should we do? 149 00:07:14,401 --> 00:07:17,902 Nothing. Mr. Cheng is not long for this world. 150 00:07:20,306 --> 00:07:22,707 Do you believe that guy? 151 00:07:22,809 --> 00:07:24,376 I never cease to be amazed by the depth 152 00:07:24,477 --> 00:07:26,444 of his cynicism and callousness. 153 00:07:26,546 --> 00:07:28,580 So, what do you think we should do? 154 00:07:28,682 --> 00:07:31,582 Oh, I don't care. I'm going home to watch the Lakers play the Heat. 155 00:07:31,685 --> 00:07:33,919 It's the game of the year, Shaq versus Kobe. 156 00:07:34,021 --> 00:07:36,755 And you are going to stay here and deal with this yourself. 157 00:07:36,856 --> 00:07:38,489 Shaq versus Kobe? 158 00:07:38,591 --> 00:07:40,659 All the best. Ooh! Let it happen. 159 00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:43,861 Three, two, one... Ahh! 160 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:48,833 What's this stretch good for? 161 00:07:48,935 --> 00:07:52,036 It loosens up my chest, but you should probably stretch too. 162 00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:56,074 Don't need to, buddy. I got a tube of Bengay on each one of my hamstrings. 163 00:07:56,175 --> 00:07:57,875 How are things going with Kylie? 164 00:07:57,978 --> 00:08:00,645 They're OK. Is there some way to get a black girl to like you? 165 00:08:00,747 --> 00:08:02,813 The difference between a black girl and a white girl 166 00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:06,717 is when a black girl asks you if her ass looks big, you say, "Hell, yeah." 167 00:08:06,819 --> 00:08:08,019 - All right. - OK? 168 00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:10,054 - Want to play ball? - Hell, yes. 169 00:08:12,592 --> 00:08:14,359 Dr. Kelso, I've thought about it, 170 00:08:14,461 --> 00:08:16,093 and I am not going to just stand around 171 00:08:16,196 --> 00:08:17,495 and wait for Mr. Cheng to die. 172 00:08:17,597 --> 00:08:19,397 - Excuse me? - Are you kidding me? 173 00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:22,833 Barbie going toe-to-toe with Big Bob in a battle of the annoyings? 174 00:08:22,935 --> 00:08:25,236 Well, happy birthday to me! 175 00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:26,971 We should do an exchange transfusion. 176 00:08:27,073 --> 00:08:28,606 And the southpaw with the blonde bangs 177 00:08:28,708 --> 00:08:30,542 and big britches comes out swinging! 178 00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:34,079 Sweetheart, the man is 72 and in multi-system organ dysfunction. 179 00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:36,881 It's done. It's parasites one, person zero, 180 00:08:36,983 --> 00:08:38,983 and if you tell that family he's got a chance, 181 00:08:39,086 --> 00:08:41,318 all you're doing is raising their hopes. 182 00:08:41,420 --> 00:08:43,755 Oh, tremendous body blow! 183 00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:46,124 Oh, and for the record, we're not colleagues. 184 00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:48,259 I don't care what you think. 185 00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,161 Ding! Ding! Ding! 186 00:08:50,263 --> 00:08:53,164 And the fight goes to the stocky middleweight 187 00:08:53,266 --> 00:08:54,733 from Monroeville, Pennsylvania. 188 00:08:54,835 --> 00:08:56,735 By the way, Perry, Mickhead called in sick. 189 00:08:56,837 --> 00:08:58,003 I need you to work tonight. 190 00:08:58,104 --> 00:09:00,471 Yeah, that's well and good, but I'm not available. 191 00:09:00,573 --> 00:09:02,807 There is no chance I am missing this game. 192 00:09:02,909 --> 00:09:04,676 No chance, no how. 193 00:09:04,778 --> 00:09:06,911 What the...? 194 00:09:07,013 --> 00:09:10,782 Say, Bob, what the hell happened in your office? 195 00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:13,384 Oh, every year, the med students get me with a practical joke. 196 00:09:13,487 --> 00:09:16,921 They messed with the speed control on my treadmill. 197 00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:27,799 What I can't figure is how they got into my office. 198 00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:30,134 Here's the key to Kelso's office. 199 00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:32,470 And here's Nurse Tisdale's phone number. 200 00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:35,306 I don't have any idea how they might've gotten in here, Bob, 201 00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:37,308 but I can tell you this. If you think I'm missing 202 00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:39,777 the biggest game of the year, you've got another thing... 203 00:09:39,879 --> 00:09:41,545 I hate to interrupt, but I'm still woozy 204 00:09:41,648 --> 00:09:43,881 from being shot into my wall like a lawn dart, 205 00:09:43,983 --> 00:09:45,883 so why don't you just go work your shift 206 00:09:45,985 --> 00:09:48,786 and use my VCR to tape the game? 207 00:09:50,290 --> 00:09:52,156 When did you get this? 208 00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:55,393 Right about the time we couldn't afford that MRI machine. 209 00:09:55,495 --> 00:09:58,429 Ah, of course you did. 210 00:09:58,531 --> 00:10:01,632 Hey, Kylie, I wrote down that moth joke for you. 211 00:10:01,734 --> 00:10:03,168 Wow. 212 00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:05,936 Give her a compliment. Tell her she has a huge ass. 213 00:10:06,039 --> 00:10:08,306 - You... - What happened to your eye? 214 00:10:08,408 --> 00:10:11,342 Oh, this. It's a little embarrassing. I was playing basket... 215 00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:14,545 Embarrassing for me, actually. See... Wingman time. 216 00:10:14,648 --> 00:10:18,950 ...we were playing basketball, and he scored eight buckets in a row on yours truly. 217 00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:20,985 - I alley-ooped him. - Shut up. 218 00:10:21,087 --> 00:10:23,587 Hmm! You could've used J.D. at Seton Hall. 219 00:10:23,689 --> 00:10:26,157 Oh, also, the soup kitchen where you volunteer called... 220 00:10:26,259 --> 00:10:27,558 You played ball at Seton Hall? 221 00:10:27,661 --> 00:10:29,027 All four years. 222 00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:30,328 Get out of here! 223 00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:32,730 Did the soup kitchen where I volunteer have a message? 224 00:10:32,832 --> 00:10:35,366 They're out of broth. What was playing college ball like? 225 00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:38,769 - I'm gonna go to the cafeteria and get you a coffee. - OK. 226 00:10:38,871 --> 00:10:41,238 Hell, no! Sweetie ain't drinking no cafeteria coffee. 227 00:10:41,340 --> 00:10:45,276 Sweetie, you are drinking the coffee from the doctors' lounge. 228 00:10:45,378 --> 00:10:48,479 Let's... Seton Hall, huh? 229 00:10:48,581 --> 00:10:50,581 Thank you. 230 00:10:50,684 --> 00:10:53,884 It's the test results. Let's see what's going on. 231 00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:57,788 Your Gram stain shows that you have... 232 00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:01,459 You have gonorrhea. 233 00:11:03,430 --> 00:11:06,464 We should probably test Kylie to see if she's infected. 234 00:11:06,566 --> 00:11:08,533 Oh, no, we haven't slept together... yet. 235 00:11:08,635 --> 00:11:10,001 It's not like I'm missing out. 236 00:11:10,103 --> 00:11:12,837 I probably got it from my secretary. 237 00:11:12,939 --> 00:11:14,272 Or that trainer from the gym. 238 00:11:14,374 --> 00:11:18,576 Ooh! Or this fine chick Tamyra that bartends with Kylie. Yeah. 239 00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:21,412 We should probably get you fixed up 240 00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:24,548 or things might start falling off of you. 241 00:11:24,650 --> 00:11:27,485 Listen up. I have been cursed 242 00:11:27,587 --> 00:11:29,654 to work the night shift with you chuckleheads, 243 00:11:29,756 --> 00:11:33,090 which means I have to tape the Laker-Heat game, 244 00:11:33,192 --> 00:11:36,361 and seeing as no one in the history of this germbox 245 00:11:36,463 --> 00:11:39,864 has never made made it through a shift without saying, "Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 246 00:11:39,966 --> 00:11:43,100 Did you see what happened last night on America's Fattest Fatties? 247 00:11:43,202 --> 00:11:44,969 A 900-pound woman lost a pound and a half 248 00:11:45,071 --> 00:11:47,572 and cried for 20 minutes," be warned. 249 00:11:47,674 --> 00:11:50,608 If you utter a word about the score of the game, 250 00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:54,245 it will be your last. Now get out! 251 00:11:54,347 --> 00:11:56,914 Go, go, go, go! Chop, chop! 252 00:11:57,017 --> 00:11:59,650 What drives people to seek revenge? 253 00:12:01,087 --> 00:12:04,922 So... you don't want to know the ending of something. 254 00:12:05,024 --> 00:12:07,492 I can relate to that. 255 00:12:07,594 --> 00:12:08,893 What is that in your lap? 256 00:12:08,995 --> 00:12:12,696 Leonard. Half-kitten, half-monkey. 257 00:12:16,202 --> 00:12:18,403 Unfortunately, with his system failing, 258 00:12:18,504 --> 00:12:21,105 Dr. Reid and I have agreed there's nothing more we can do. 259 00:12:21,207 --> 00:12:24,875 What drives people to go back on their word? 260 00:12:24,978 --> 00:12:26,544 If we do an exchange transfusion, 261 00:12:26,646 --> 00:12:28,712 there's a chance we can save your father. 262 00:12:28,815 --> 00:12:31,448 Oh! Thank you, thank you! 263 00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:33,551 Thank you, thank you! 264 00:12:33,653 --> 00:12:35,453 Now, you have to keep this between us. 265 00:12:35,555 --> 00:12:38,356 You know, doctor-patient confidentiality, right? 266 00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:40,858 And what do you do when every fiber of your being 267 00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,228 wants to say something, but you know you can't. 268 00:12:43,330 --> 00:12:46,564 Hey! What are you guys talking about? 269 00:12:47,534 --> 00:12:49,601 Nothing. 270 00:12:57,476 --> 00:13:00,378 Why do all the good ones have boyfriends with venereal diseases, 271 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:03,047 but you can't say anything because you're the guy's doctor? 272 00:13:03,149 --> 00:13:05,416 I am so sick of men screwing women over, 273 00:13:05,518 --> 00:13:09,220 like cheating on them or using your lavender bath gel to wash their car. 274 00:13:09,322 --> 00:13:11,155 Baby, you did not just compare cheating 275 00:13:11,258 --> 00:13:13,258 and getting gonorrhea to me using your soap. 276 00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:16,227 I'm just saying men let you down. 277 00:13:16,329 --> 00:13:18,129 J.D., you have to tell her. 278 00:13:18,231 --> 00:13:20,732 When J.D. became a doctor, he took the Hippocratic oath, 279 00:13:20,834 --> 00:13:22,533 and there's no way around it. 280 00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:30,641 - Is there an "A"? - Yes, there is. 281 00:13:30,743 --> 00:13:32,543 Yes! 282 00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:36,080 There may be a way around it. 283 00:13:36,182 --> 00:13:38,349 Thanks. 284 00:13:42,088 --> 00:13:44,855 Ooh! Barbie, you are up there 285 00:13:44,957 --> 00:13:46,190 without a net this time. 286 00:13:46,293 --> 00:13:48,426 Well, I sure do hope Mr. Cheng rallies for you 287 00:13:48,528 --> 00:13:50,060 because if he doesn't, sure shootin', 288 00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:52,530 you're gonna be hearing Bob Kelso's voice saying, 289 00:13:52,632 --> 00:13:54,565 "Sweetheart, I told you so," 290 00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:56,567 from now until you're two inches shorter 291 00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:59,370 and driving around Florida with your left blinker on. 292 00:13:59,472 --> 00:14:01,505 Oh, now it's time to ruin the game. 293 00:14:01,607 --> 00:14:04,608 - Come with me to the window. - Why? Do you have some elaborate plan? 294 00:14:04,710 --> 00:14:06,210 I do, as a matter of fact. 295 00:14:06,312 --> 00:14:08,679 I convinced everybody that's afraid of me to go outside 296 00:14:08,782 --> 00:14:10,414 and spell out the score of the game. 297 00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:12,549 - Really? - No, you idiot. 298 00:14:12,652 --> 00:14:14,585 I'm just gonna tell you the score of the game, 299 00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:16,788 maybe knock your head against the glass. 300 00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:20,591 Look, I was way out of line telling you how that movie ended, 301 00:14:20,694 --> 00:14:23,328 but, God save me, watching sports 302 00:14:23,430 --> 00:14:26,530 is one of the last pure pleasures I have left in my life. 303 00:14:26,632 --> 00:14:28,999 So, you tell me what's it gonna take 304 00:14:29,101 --> 00:14:33,338 for you to let me go home, sit in my massage chair, and enjoy the game? 305 00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:37,709 I would like to perform open heart surgery. 306 00:14:37,811 --> 00:14:40,678 - No. - How about you perform surgery on me 307 00:14:40,780 --> 00:14:42,780 - so that I can breathe underwater? - No. 308 00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:45,416 - I would like a shark that can read minds. - No. 309 00:14:45,518 --> 00:14:48,352 - You and I trade lives for a year. - No. 310 00:14:48,454 --> 00:14:51,122 A home-cooked meal and an hour in your massage chair? 311 00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:53,791 - Done. - Done. 312 00:14:56,663 --> 00:14:59,764 Hey, guys, it's off. 313 00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:06,703 Wow! You guys are organized. 314 00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:11,608 Hey, did you catch that Lakers-Heat game? 315 00:15:11,710 --> 00:15:15,245 Five seconds left... 316 00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,820 I can't believe you make $300 in tips a night. 317 00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:25,356 Mm-hmm. This is why doctors should have tip jars. 318 00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:27,858 I mean, I make three bucks for serving a martini. 319 00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:30,328 You put your lips on the mouth of a slobbering dead guy 320 00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:31,496 and bring him back to life. 321 00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:33,530 That's gotta be worth at least a five spot. 322 00:15:37,904 --> 00:15:40,070 I should be getting back to James. 323 00:15:40,172 --> 00:15:42,473 There's no rush. A nurse is up there 324 00:15:42,575 --> 00:15:44,242 right now getting some blood from him. 325 00:15:44,344 --> 00:15:46,177 - Aah! - I'm sorry! 326 00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:48,279 It's never taken me 12 pokes to find a vein. 327 00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:50,081 Unh! 328 00:15:50,183 --> 00:15:52,383 Got it! Whee! 329 00:15:52,485 --> 00:15:54,685 Ugh! I should've brought my laptop. 330 00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:56,487 I could've gotten so much work done. 331 00:15:56,589 --> 00:15:58,422 You can bartend online? 332 00:15:58,524 --> 00:16:00,491 I just work at the club to pay for grad school. 333 00:16:00,593 --> 00:16:03,061 I'm getting my Master's in political science. 334 00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:05,496 I love politics! Ask me anything. 335 00:16:05,598 --> 00:16:06,930 What are you doing?! 336 00:16:07,032 --> 00:16:08,666 You don't know anything about politics! 337 00:16:08,768 --> 00:16:11,201 Unless she asks about Bush or the bald assistant president 338 00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:12,904 who has all those heart attacks. 339 00:16:13,006 --> 00:16:15,239 Did you know only 17 percent of people 340 00:16:15,341 --> 00:16:17,708 under the age of 25 voted last year? 341 00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:21,112 You can vote if you're under 25? 342 00:16:21,213 --> 00:16:22,579 The only thing you can take solace in 343 00:16:22,682 --> 00:16:24,048 is a girl like her would probably 344 00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:25,783 never be interested in you anyway. 345 00:16:25,885 --> 00:16:28,586 I can't believe a cute guy like you doesn't have a girlfriend. 346 00:16:28,688 --> 00:16:30,688 If I was single, I'd totally snatch you up. 347 00:16:30,790 --> 00:16:34,224 Would you like to play a game of hangman? 348 00:16:35,861 --> 00:16:38,662 As I sat there letting my interns do all my work, 349 00:16:38,764 --> 00:16:40,798 I wondered if there was a parallel universe 350 00:16:40,900 --> 00:16:43,401 where another J.D. and another Kylie could be together 351 00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:46,837 because there's no Hippocratic oath on planet Glornack Seven. 352 00:16:46,939 --> 00:16:48,373 Are you on Glornack Seven? 353 00:16:48,475 --> 00:16:49,573 Why are you so happy? 354 00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:51,308 I just did an exchange transfusion 355 00:16:51,410 --> 00:16:52,542 on my malaria patient in there, 356 00:16:52,645 --> 00:16:54,711 and he just woke up from his coma. 357 00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:57,481 Well, he woke up to a world of bad boyfriends, 358 00:16:57,583 --> 00:16:59,384 oaths and gonorrhea. 359 00:16:59,486 --> 00:17:01,786 He sure did, and you know why? 360 00:17:01,888 --> 00:17:04,421 I broke the rules and ignored what Dr. Kelso wanted me to do. 361 00:17:04,523 --> 00:17:06,791 Sometimes you have to break the rules. 362 00:17:06,893 --> 00:17:09,593 Elliot's patient waking up was a clear sign you couldn't deny. 363 00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:12,563 Mr. Cheng is crashing. 364 00:17:12,665 --> 00:17:15,866 Signs be damned! I'm telling her. 365 00:17:15,968 --> 00:17:19,036 Kylie! Kylie! 366 00:17:21,908 --> 00:17:24,808 Dude, you can't tell her! They won't let you be a doctor anymore! 367 00:17:24,910 --> 00:17:26,777 Who cares? I'd make more money bartending! 368 00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:28,746 Turk, if we leave right now, I might actually 369 00:17:28,848 --> 00:17:32,015 be awake for sex tonight. Just go get my coat. 370 00:17:35,088 --> 00:17:37,054 You owe me. 371 00:17:37,156 --> 00:17:40,958 Baby, so I didn't know which one was yours, 372 00:17:41,061 --> 00:17:42,226 so I grabbed all of them. 373 00:17:42,328 --> 00:17:44,429 Just give me a second, OK? I need to talk to Elliot, 374 00:17:44,531 --> 00:17:45,763 and then I gotta clock out. 375 00:17:45,865 --> 00:17:48,832 And then we have sex? Then we have sex, OK. 376 00:17:51,670 --> 00:17:54,405 I really thought he had a shot. 377 00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:56,773 Well, the family's downstairs 378 00:17:56,875 --> 00:17:59,710 whenever you're ready to talk to them. 379 00:18:10,823 --> 00:18:13,290 Go ahead. Call me sweetheart and tell me 380 00:18:13,392 --> 00:18:15,659 I'm a pathetic excuse for a doctor. 381 00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:19,263 You made a bold decision and it bit you in the keister. 382 00:18:19,365 --> 00:18:21,298 Yeah. 383 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:24,435 I don't like people disagreeing with me. 384 00:18:24,537 --> 00:18:28,405 There's not another resident here who has the guts to do it. 385 00:18:28,508 --> 00:18:30,341 I just feel so guilty about Mr. Cheng. 386 00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:33,344 Could you at least just make fun of my bangs or something? 387 00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:35,646 Dr. Reid, take it from a colleague. 388 00:18:35,748 --> 00:18:38,582 Telling that family what happened after getting their hopes up 389 00:18:38,684 --> 00:18:40,917 is going to be far worse than any shot I can take 390 00:18:41,019 --> 00:18:43,687 at that John Denver haircut you're sporting. 391 00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:47,758 Did... Did you just call me a colleague? 392 00:18:47,861 --> 00:18:51,796 I did. But I hate my colleagues. 393 00:18:54,433 --> 00:18:56,300 What the hell are you doing? 394 00:18:56,402 --> 00:18:59,403 - I get to have sex. - I hate this place. 395 00:18:59,505 --> 00:19:03,474 I get to have sex tonight! 396 00:19:04,844 --> 00:19:08,012 - Hey, Kylie, there you are. - Hey, J.D. 397 00:19:08,114 --> 00:19:10,247 This is your moment! Grab it! 398 00:19:10,349 --> 00:19:13,851 Listen, Kylie... Out loud, you idiot! Out loud! 399 00:19:13,953 --> 00:19:16,988 I wanted to thank you for being such a great doctor. 400 00:19:17,089 --> 00:19:21,292 And there it was. Great doctors don't break oaths. 401 00:19:24,764 --> 00:19:27,865 Thanks again for everything. 402 00:19:29,201 --> 00:19:32,470 Someone once said the bad guys always win. 403 00:19:32,572 --> 00:19:35,539 Sometimes the bad guy is a jerk boyfriend. 404 00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:42,647 It's finally here, 405 00:19:42,748 --> 00:19:45,849 the long-awaited showdown between Shaq and Kobe. 406 00:19:45,951 --> 00:19:48,452 Sometimes the bad guy is the man you've been battling 407 00:19:48,554 --> 00:19:49,987 for as long as you can remember. 408 00:19:50,089 --> 00:19:52,856 Hey, Perry! 98-97 Lakers. 409 00:19:52,958 --> 00:19:54,725 Kobe dunked over Shaq for the game winner. 410 00:19:54,827 --> 00:19:59,496 Don't ever mess with my treadmill. 411 00:20:05,137 --> 00:20:07,871 Is this homemade gravy? 412 00:20:07,973 --> 00:20:11,475 Mmm! 413 00:20:11,578 --> 00:20:13,744 And sometimes the bad guy is a disease 414 00:20:13,846 --> 00:20:15,613 that you didn't stand a chance against. 415 00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:19,417 But you said he could get better. 416 00:20:19,519 --> 00:20:21,419 I'm so sorry. 417 00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:24,554 I guess all you can do is come back to work the next morning 418 00:20:24,656 --> 00:20:27,591 and hope that being a good guy pays off. 419 00:20:29,027 --> 00:20:30,360 What are you doing here? 420 00:20:30,463 --> 00:20:32,863 My girlfriend, Tamyra, from the club, 421 00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:34,598 she's also feeling a little sick, 422 00:20:34,701 --> 00:20:36,500 and you'll never guess what she has. 423 00:20:36,602 --> 00:20:38,368 Gonorrhea! 424 00:20:38,470 --> 00:20:41,839 I mean... gonorrhea. 425 00:20:41,941 --> 00:20:43,941 Kylie, I wanted to tell you so badly, 426 00:20:44,043 --> 00:20:45,775 but, you know, it's against the rules. 427 00:20:45,878 --> 00:20:48,478 You can tell me now. 428 00:20:48,580 --> 00:20:51,115 Your boyfriend's a jerk. 429 00:20:51,217 --> 00:20:53,551 He's not my boyfriend.