2 00:00:12,660 --> 00:00:15,160 - Jess, it's this way. - Oh, sorry. 3 00:00:18,610 --> 00:00:20,320 What time are you thinking for lunch? 4 00:00:20,410 --> 00:00:22,700 - Uh, one, maybe? - Okay. 5 00:00:22,780 --> 00:00:24,200 Hey. 6 00:00:27,410 --> 00:00:28,530 Yeah? 7 00:00:28,610 --> 00:00:30,410 Yeah, I know, it looks just great. Love it. 8 00:00:38,570 --> 00:00:40,410 Hey. Here you go. Thanks. 9 00:00:48,530 --> 00:00:49,660 Hi. Thanks. 10 00:00:49,740 --> 00:00:51,160 You're welcome. 11 00:00:54,610 --> 00:00:56,740 Quiet, please, everyone. Hey. 12 00:00:56,820 --> 00:00:58,990 - Standby to roll, guys. - Okay. 13 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:02,030 Okay. That's it. 14 00:01:02,110 --> 00:01:03,660 Let's get slate in. 15 00:01:04,660 --> 00:01:05,610 Here you go. 16 00:01:05,700 --> 00:01:07,610 And action! 17 00:02:08,990 --> 00:02:11,610 Hey, I'm just gonna check on her. 18 00:02:11,700 --> 00:02:14,280 I've never seen anything like it! 19 00:02:15,610 --> 00:02:17,530 Heavens above, Gromit! 20 00:02:17,610 --> 00:02:20,660 Hi. I'm-- I'm Mira. It's nice to meet you. 21 00:02:20,740 --> 00:02:22,450 Nice to meet you too. I'm Danielle. 22 00:02:22,530 --> 00:02:24,660 - Everything okay? Mm-hmm. 23 00:02:24,740 --> 00:02:26,610 Should we get started? 24 00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:28,490 Yeah. 25 00:02:36,910 --> 00:02:38,660 So, Mira. 26 00:02:38,740 --> 00:02:41,240 I don't know if you remember me from drop-off? 27 00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:43,450 I babysit Iris and Sadie. 28 00:02:43,530 --> 00:02:45,070 - Oh, um... - Yeah. 29 00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:47,410 - I'm not sure, I-- right. - Yeah. So, um... 30 00:02:47,490 --> 00:02:49,070 Well, I believe Jonathan told you 31 00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:50,950 a bit about my study, in general? 32 00:02:51,030 --> 00:02:54,610 - Um... - Well, it's for my PhD in Gender Studies and Psych 33 00:02:54,700 --> 00:02:55,950 - at Tufts. - Oh, okay. 34 00:02:56,030 --> 00:02:58,530 I'm looking at how evolving gender norms 35 00:02:58,610 --> 00:03:00,700 - affect monogamous marriages. - Okay. 36 00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:02,660 Okay. Um... 37 00:03:02,740 --> 00:03:05,860 So, to complete the formalities, just confirming your pronouns? 38 00:03:06,740 --> 00:03:08,160 He, him, his. 39 00:03:11,070 --> 00:03:13,950 -She, um-- -She, her, hers. 40 00:03:14,990 --> 00:03:17,740 Great. Mine are she/her, too. 41 00:03:17,820 --> 00:03:20,570 --Um... okay. 42 00:03:20,660 --> 00:03:21,950 So, yeah. 43 00:03:22,030 --> 00:03:24,610 The first question is pretty open, 44 00:03:24,700 --> 00:03:26,450 it's for either one of you. 45 00:03:26,530 --> 00:03:28,320 How would you define yourself? 46 00:03:30,030 --> 00:03:31,610 - Define? - I dunno... 47 00:03:31,700 --> 00:03:33,450 Def-- Like, describe? 48 00:03:33,530 --> 00:03:34,950 - Well, define. - Right. 49 00:03:35,030 --> 00:03:37,910 I'm-- I'm actually interested in the... 50 00:03:39,030 --> 00:03:40,360 -the elements... -Mm-hmm. 51 00:03:40,450 --> 00:03:43,030 ...that constitute your self-definition. 52 00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:46,610 The elements that constitute... 53 00:03:46,700 --> 00:03:48,280 -Go first. -...your self-definition. 54 00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:50,700 That's, um... 55 00:03:51,950 --> 00:03:53,910 Well, you could think of it like this. 56 00:03:53,990 --> 00:03:55,780 What, um, attributes 57 00:03:55,860 --> 00:03:58,610 couldn't you imagine yourself without? 58 00:03:58,700 --> 00:04:00,450 That's interesting. 59 00:04:00,530 --> 00:04:02,160 Uh, okay. Let me think. 60 00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:03,610 Actually, if it's okay, 61 00:04:03,700 --> 00:04:05,280 just say whatever comes to mind. 62 00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:07,490 Okay. Uh, I'm a man. 63 00:04:07,570 --> 00:04:09,200 I'm Jewish. 64 00:04:09,910 --> 00:04:11,320 That's weird, right? 65 00:04:11,410 --> 00:04:12,910 -That's so weird. -That's strange. 66 00:04:12,990 --> 00:04:14,570 I went blank, that's the first thing 67 00:04:14,660 --> 00:04:16,610 - that came into my head. - Great, yes. 68 00:04:16,700 --> 00:04:18,780 -That's exactly the idea. -Yes. Right. Okay. 69 00:04:18,860 --> 00:04:23,030 - Um, I'm, uh, a father to Ava... Mm-hmm. 70 00:04:23,110 --> 00:04:25,160 ...who's four years old, as you know. 71 00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:28,240 Um... I'm an academic. 72 00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:30,030 Uh, I should've said that first, actually. 73 00:04:30,110 --> 00:04:31,780 Mm-hmm. - It's a big part of my 74 00:04:31,860 --> 00:04:33,490 -self-definition. -Mm-hmm. 75 00:04:33,570 --> 00:04:36,410 - I teach in the philosophy department at Tufts. Mm-hmm. 76 00:04:37,700 --> 00:04:39,160 Um... 77 00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:42,030 What else? I'm, uh, 41. 78 00:04:42,110 --> 00:04:44,950 -I'm a Democrat. -Yeah. 79 00:04:45,030 --> 00:04:46,280 I'm an asthmatic. 80 00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:49,030 Whoa. You feel your asthma defines you? 81 00:04:49,110 --> 00:04:50,860 -Yeah. -Really? 82 00:04:50,950 --> 00:04:52,950 Yeah. Well, if you go through your whole life 83 00:04:53,030 --> 00:04:55,360 threatened with the possibility of suffocating, then yeah, 84 00:04:55,450 --> 00:04:58,990 you know, it becomes part of your self-definition. 85 00:04:59,070 --> 00:05:00,200 -Okay. -What? 86 00:05:00,280 --> 00:05:03,280 No. Nothing, babe. It's-- it's interesting. 87 00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:04,320 -Really. -Is it? 88 00:05:04,410 --> 00:05:05,700 -Yes. -Okay. 89 00:05:05,780 --> 00:05:07,110 --Cool. 90 00:05:08,610 --> 00:05:10,950 And Mira, how would you... 91 00:05:11,570 --> 00:05:13,360 Right. I-- Okay. Me. 92 00:05:13,450 --> 00:05:15,160 I am a woman. 93 00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:17,030 -I'm married. -Correct. 94 00:05:17,110 --> 00:05:18,610 I am a mother. 95 00:05:18,700 --> 00:05:20,530 -Mm-hmm. -I am 40. 96 00:05:20,610 --> 00:05:22,740 I-- Not quite, but that's definitely 97 00:05:22,820 --> 00:05:24,700 - my self-definition, 40. 98 00:05:24,780 --> 00:05:28,240 I'm, uh... in tech. 99 00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:32,820 I'm, uh, VP of product management at Horizon. 100 00:05:32,910 --> 00:05:35,610 I know that doesn't mean much to most people, 101 00:05:35,700 --> 00:05:37,240 -but, you know-- -She's a big shot. 102 00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:38,490 -Trust me. -Yeah-- 103 00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:42,780 Um, okay, what else? 104 00:05:43,530 --> 00:05:45,240 I'm a mother, obviously. 105 00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:47,530 You said that, don't worry. 106 00:05:47,610 --> 00:05:49,530 - Oh, good. 107 00:05:52,990 --> 00:05:54,200 Is that enough? 108 00:05:55,610 --> 00:05:56,990 Um... 109 00:05:57,070 --> 00:05:59,320 unless there's anything else you'd like to add? 110 00:05:59,410 --> 00:06:01,950 - Oh, no. I'm good. - Yeah. 111 00:06:02,030 --> 00:06:05,070 I wonder, for instance, if you'd like to add something 112 00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:06,450 um, about how you divide 113 00:06:06,530 --> 00:06:08,280 household and caregiving responsibilities... 114 00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:10,910 - Right. Yes. Um... - ...in that context? 115 00:06:11,030 --> 00:06:12,950 So, I forgot to mention she's interested in couples 116 00:06:13,030 --> 00:06:14,950 where the woman is the primary provider. 117 00:06:15,030 --> 00:06:17,110 - Yeah. Well, um... - Oh. 118 00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:19,360 - Right? Is that-- Yeah, I wouldn't exactly... 119 00:06:19,450 --> 00:06:20,780 -put it that way, but it's-- -Oh, yes. Sorry. 120 00:06:20,860 --> 00:06:22,950 I'm not-- I'm not-- I'm not trying to give away your thesis. 121 00:06:23,030 --> 00:06:24,070 That's... that's fine. 122 00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:25,910 Uh, anyway, yes. So, for the most part, 123 00:06:25,990 --> 00:06:27,660 I do take care of Ava during the week. 124 00:06:27,740 --> 00:06:29,200 -Um... -Well, uh... 125 00:06:30,030 --> 00:06:32,990 Well, being in academia, as you know, 126 00:06:33,070 --> 00:06:36,780 I have very flexible hours and I can work from home. 127 00:06:36,860 --> 00:06:38,780 Mira, she works long days and... 128 00:06:38,860 --> 00:06:41,490 -has to travel for work. -And I make it up to them on the weekends. 129 00:06:41,570 --> 00:06:43,860 -Yeah, and you make it home for bedtime, when you can. -Yeah. 130 00:06:43,950 --> 00:06:45,450 Mm-hmm. 131 00:06:45,530 --> 00:06:48,320 And has this always been your arrangement, in terms of childcare? 132 00:06:48,410 --> 00:06:49,950 -Yeah, pretty much. -Well, yeah. I had-- 133 00:06:50,030 --> 00:06:51,280 Well, I had to take 134 00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:53,490 -an extra-long maternity leave. -Yes. 135 00:06:53,570 --> 00:06:56,200 And, um, you know, I'm still paying for it at work. 136 00:06:56,280 --> 00:06:57,280 Of course. Yeah. 137 00:06:57,360 --> 00:06:59,280 And my company is going public later this year, 138 00:06:59,360 --> 00:07:01,740 -so that's why there's so much extra travel. -Yeah, and it's also, like, 139 00:07:01,820 --> 00:07:03,910 I'm not making a big, uh, heroic sacrifice or anything. 140 00:07:03,990 --> 00:07:05,820 - No. - We have our babysitter, Veronica, 141 00:07:05,910 --> 00:07:08,240 and she does extra hours, uh, on the, you know, 142 00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:10,070 on the days that I'm underwater at work. 143 00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:12,240 - Sure. - And look, it'd be great 144 00:07:12,320 --> 00:07:15,360 if academia paid as well as tech does, 145 00:07:15,450 --> 00:07:16,990 -but it doesn't... -It doesn't, no. 146 00:07:17,070 --> 00:07:19,530 ...so this arrangement makes perfect sense. 147 00:07:19,610 --> 00:07:21,200 - Yeah. Mm-hmm. 148 00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:24,070 It sounds like we're apologizing for it. Maybe. 149 00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:26,660 - No, not at all. - Yeah. No, we're proud of it. 150 00:07:26,740 --> 00:07:28,910 --Babe. Don't. 151 00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:36,530 Okay. So, at this point, I'd like to... 152 00:07:36,610 --> 00:07:38,320 hear a little bit about your history. 153 00:07:38,410 --> 00:07:41,200 I know that you've been married for almost ten years. 154 00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:42,160 Yes. 155 00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:44,610 How long were you together before that? 156 00:07:44,700 --> 00:07:46,360 It's like two years and change, maybe? 157 00:07:46,450 --> 00:07:48,320 -Mm-hmm. Yeah. -Twelve years total. 158 00:07:48,410 --> 00:07:50,450 - Mm-hmm. - And how did you meet? 159 00:07:52,610 --> 00:07:54,240 -You should be the one to tell the story. -No. 160 00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:55,990 It's way more entertaining. Come on. 161 00:07:58,160 --> 00:08:01,450 Is-- Can you tell me how this is part of the study? 162 00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:04,530 Um, well, it's valuable 163 00:08:04,610 --> 00:08:07,410 in the context of the gender perceptions 164 00:08:07,490 --> 00:08:09,990 you had at the beginning of the relationship. 165 00:08:10,070 --> 00:08:12,070 Okay. I just-- I've... 166 00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:14,160 I was under the impression that this is gonna be 167 00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:16,320 more like multiple choice. 168 00:08:16,990 --> 00:08:18,610 Sorry, no. 169 00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:20,490 Okay. 170 00:08:21,610 --> 00:08:24,530 I'll tell it. It's actually-- It's a good story. 171 00:08:24,610 --> 00:08:25,910 -And, uh... -Mm-hmm. 172 00:08:25,990 --> 00:08:27,990 You can just interject when I get melodramatic. 173 00:08:28,070 --> 00:08:29,160 Sure. 174 00:08:30,450 --> 00:08:32,240 So, we met at Columbia. 175 00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:35,200 Um, we went there, we were in a seminar together, 176 00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:36,740 English lit. 177 00:08:36,820 --> 00:08:42,320 So, um, we spent three hours a week in a tiny little room, 178 00:08:42,410 --> 00:08:44,280 uh, but at this point, there was no way 179 00:08:44,360 --> 00:08:46,070 -that we would have ever... -No. 180 00:08:46,160 --> 00:08:48,700 I should mention that I was still Orthodox at the time. 181 00:08:48,780 --> 00:08:50,530 - Oh? - Yeah. Yes. 182 00:08:50,610 --> 00:08:52,780 I, uh, I grew up in a Modern Orthodox 183 00:08:52,860 --> 00:08:54,160 -Jewish family. -Mm-hmm. 184 00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:57,450 So up until that point, up until college, my education 185 00:08:57,530 --> 00:09:00,780 had been mostly single-sex, I'd never touched a woman. 186 00:09:00,860 --> 00:09:05,110 So the whole thing was pretty overwhelming, 187 00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:09,950 um, me with my black yarmulke and white button-down shirts, 188 00:09:10,030 --> 00:09:13,610 and all these young women in their little tank tops. 189 00:09:13,700 --> 00:09:16,410 And Mira specifically was like a campus celebrity. 190 00:09:16,490 --> 00:09:19,610 She was dating a member of a big rock band at the time, 191 00:09:19,700 --> 00:09:21,280 that needless to say I'd never heard of. 192 00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:23,450 No, they were-- they weren't really rock, 193 00:09:23,530 --> 00:09:24,660 and they weren't big. 194 00:09:24,740 --> 00:09:26,820 You've probably heard of them, Saraband? Lucas McRae? 195 00:09:26,910 --> 00:09:28,280 - Oh, wow. - Uh, yeah. 196 00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:30,780 I just thought-- I thought of Mira as kind of a... 197 00:09:30,860 --> 00:09:32,280 -A what? -No, no, no. 198 00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:34,450 -No. Tell me. I wanna-- -Yeah, it-- it-- 199 00:09:34,530 --> 00:09:37,410 it's just that you were as far away from my world 200 00:09:37,490 --> 00:09:39,450 as it-- as it got, you know. 201 00:09:39,530 --> 00:09:42,490 And anyway, I was already engaged to a girl 202 00:09:42,570 --> 00:09:46,070 that I grew up with near Long Island. 203 00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:47,820 - Oh. - Yeah. 204 00:09:47,910 --> 00:09:52,320 - So how did it happen? Uh, well, she just... 205 00:09:52,410 --> 00:09:55,700 just walked up to me one day and, um... 206 00:09:56,360 --> 00:09:57,740 This part you should tell. 207 00:09:58,530 --> 00:10:02,820 Um, okay. So I was in a, um... 208 00:10:02,910 --> 00:10:04,240 a theater group in school, 209 00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:06,950 and we were doing this one play by Bashevis Singer, and-- 210 00:10:07,030 --> 00:10:10,160 An adaptation of Enemies, A Love Story. 211 00:10:10,240 --> 00:10:11,490 - Hmm. - Right. 212 00:10:11,570 --> 00:10:15,070 And, um, so I was doing all this research on Orthodox Jews. 213 00:10:15,160 --> 00:10:17,490 I was very serious about acting in college. 214 00:10:17,570 --> 00:10:19,490 -Oh, yeah. -And so I just went up to him 215 00:10:19,570 --> 00:10:21,700 one day after class, and I asked if I could talk to him, 216 00:10:21,780 --> 00:10:24,740 -and he just-- he seemed completely horrified-- -I was, yeah, paralyzed. 217 00:10:24,820 --> 00:10:27,530 Yeah. But I was very committed to this role. 218 00:10:27,610 --> 00:10:28,570 Absolutely. 219 00:10:28,660 --> 00:10:30,700 So committed that she got completely naked 220 00:10:30,780 --> 00:10:32,910 - halfway through the play. - No! Not completely. 221 00:10:32,990 --> 00:10:35,910 And I'd already started the process 222 00:10:35,990 --> 00:10:37,780 of, uh, leaving my religion. 223 00:10:38,740 --> 00:10:40,950 But, uh, no, that-- that-- 224 00:10:41,030 --> 00:10:42,740 that show was definitely a milestone. 225 00:10:42,820 --> 00:10:45,410 Mm. You mean you actually started dating? 226 00:10:45,490 --> 00:10:47,740 Oh, no, no, no, no. Not until years later. 227 00:10:47,820 --> 00:10:49,570 Yeah. Yeah, I was already here in Boston, 228 00:10:49,660 --> 00:10:51,200 and I was, uh, 229 00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:53,240 ...creeping around on her Myspace page, 230 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,660 and I saw that she was moving here 231 00:10:55,740 --> 00:10:58,200 and that she was looking for an apartment share. 232 00:10:58,280 --> 00:10:59,860 So we became roommates. 233 00:10:59,950 --> 00:11:01,950 And from there, it progressed. 234 00:11:04,030 --> 00:11:05,660 And who initiated that? 235 00:11:09,490 --> 00:11:11,110 I think it was both of us? 236 00:11:12,070 --> 00:11:13,990 -Yeah. -Right? 237 00:11:14,610 --> 00:11:15,780 Yeah. 238 00:11:16,700 --> 00:11:18,780 - Both. 239 00:11:20,070 --> 00:11:23,110 I had just come out of a series of relationships 240 00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:24,320 which were... 241 00:11:24,990 --> 00:11:26,410 borderline abusive. 242 00:11:26,490 --> 00:11:30,990 And I guess that I was addicted to that, 243 00:11:31,070 --> 00:11:32,200 and I-- and I was... 244 00:11:35,490 --> 00:11:36,700 stuck. 245 00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:40,160 Uh, I had a job that I could care less about. 246 00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:41,910 Mm. 247 00:11:41,990 --> 00:11:45,740 And Jonathan was the complete opposite. 248 00:11:45,820 --> 00:11:48,910 Uh, he was everything that I wanted to be. 249 00:11:49,910 --> 00:11:52,320 He had values, and purpose. 250 00:11:52,410 --> 00:11:55,200 -It's true. -Yeah, well. Yeah, I... 251 00:11:56,240 --> 00:11:57,240 It's ironic because this was 252 00:11:57,320 --> 00:12:00,530 at the height of my existential dread. 253 00:12:00,610 --> 00:12:02,360 After I left my religion, 254 00:12:02,450 --> 00:12:06,360 I just had these years of loneliness and... 255 00:12:07,700 --> 00:12:10,860 So... when did it happen? 256 00:12:12,780 --> 00:12:15,570 Well, it happened... 257 00:12:15,660 --> 00:12:18,450 - thanks to the asthma, actually. 258 00:12:18,530 --> 00:12:19,820 The asthma? 259 00:12:19,910 --> 00:12:23,860 Yeah. There was this one time we were coming back from the ER, 260 00:12:23,950 --> 00:12:26,990 I'd had a very severe attack, and the, um, the doctor... 261 00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:30,450 ...he mistook us for a married couple, 262 00:12:30,530 --> 00:12:33,410 and, uh... we liked it, 263 00:12:33,490 --> 00:12:38,280 and we came home and we kept playing at it. 264 00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:39,530 And, um... 265 00:12:41,070 --> 00:12:42,990 and then it happened. 266 00:12:43,070 --> 00:12:45,030 That's great. That's perfect. 267 00:12:45,110 --> 00:12:47,160 So... All right. 268 00:12:47,240 --> 00:12:49,320 - Now, I'd like to hear... - It's almost over. 269 00:12:49,410 --> 00:12:50,910 ...a bit about, in your opinion, 270 00:12:50,990 --> 00:12:54,570 what is the primary factor 271 00:12:54,660 --> 00:12:57,610 contributing to the success of your marriage? 272 00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:00,610 - Hmm. 273 00:13:00,700 --> 00:13:02,860 -Hmm. -I-- I'll let you take this. 274 00:13:02,950 --> 00:13:04,860 Interesting. Interesting. 275 00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:07,700 Could you actually tell us what the definition of success is 276 00:13:07,780 --> 00:13:09,110 that you're working with? 277 00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:11,160 Yeah. Well, uh, first of all, 278 00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:13,320 it means that you're still together. 279 00:13:13,410 --> 00:13:14,860 -Uh-- -That's a low bar. 280 00:13:14,950 --> 00:13:17,530 Yeah. Yeah. 281 00:13:17,610 --> 00:13:21,610 Well, does our ten years make us statistical outliers? 282 00:13:21,700 --> 00:13:23,570 Mm-hmm. 283 00:13:23,660 --> 00:13:26,610 Well, if we ignore all the socioeconomic 284 00:13:26,700 --> 00:13:28,820 and race parameters, then yes. 285 00:13:28,910 --> 00:13:31,610 The average marriage in the US is 8.2 years. 286 00:13:32,450 --> 00:13:34,200 Okay. Well then 287 00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:37,740 shouldn't you ask first if subjectively that-- 288 00:13:37,820 --> 00:13:40,950 if we perceive our marriage to be a success at all? 289 00:13:41,950 --> 00:13:46,030 Well, um, sure. Yeah, if you can-- 290 00:13:46,110 --> 00:13:48,240 Yeah, I'm only saying that because I feel like 291 00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:49,700 that word, "success," 292 00:13:49,780 --> 00:13:52,570 is kind of emblematic of a larger 293 00:13:52,660 --> 00:13:55,660 cultural misconception about marriage. 294 00:13:55,740 --> 00:13:57,570 Hmm. 295 00:13:57,660 --> 00:14:00,450 -Yeah. -It's become this project, right? 296 00:14:00,530 --> 00:14:03,200 This thing that you work on, "We're working on our marriage." 297 00:14:03,280 --> 00:14:04,410 - It's this... - Mm. 298 00:14:04,490 --> 00:14:06,570 ...multibillion-dollar industry. 299 00:14:06,660 --> 00:14:09,160 There's, you know, self-help books, 300 00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:10,740 - and couples therapy... - Right. 301 00:14:10,820 --> 00:14:12,740 -...and workshops, and podcasts, 302 00:14:12,820 --> 00:14:14,280 and apps, and TV shows. 303 00:14:14,360 --> 00:14:15,740 It's a huge business. 304 00:14:15,820 --> 00:14:19,160 Mm-hmm. And you see that as a problem? 305 00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:21,700 Look, maybe it's because of my background, 306 00:14:21,780 --> 00:14:25,200 but I just think it's so obvious that-- that-- 307 00:14:26,110 --> 00:14:28,490 Western culture, consumer culture, 308 00:14:28,570 --> 00:14:30,410 has very purposefully created 309 00:14:30,490 --> 00:14:33,450 these completely irrational expectations 310 00:14:33,530 --> 00:14:35,450 that marriage must, at all times, be based 311 00:14:35,530 --> 00:14:36,780 on passion, on sex, 312 00:14:36,860 --> 00:14:38,570 on relentless emotional intensity, 313 00:14:38,660 --> 00:14:41,240 when it's so obvious that these things stem from novelty, 314 00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:43,530 so the whole concept's a complete fallacy. 315 00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:46,610 - Right. Okay. - Mm. 316 00:14:46,700 --> 00:14:48,990 So then, well, what is-- 317 00:14:50,030 --> 00:14:51,240 what's your concept? 318 00:14:54,030 --> 00:14:59,200 I think-- I think we both see marriage as a means. 319 00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:00,660 It's not an end. 320 00:15:02,030 --> 00:15:04,070 Right? I think we see it as a platform... 321 00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:06,860 -Mm-hmm. -...where we both can, uh... 322 00:15:06,950 --> 00:15:09,200 that allows us to develop as individuals. 323 00:15:09,280 --> 00:15:12,160 We're both really passionate about the work we do, and... 324 00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:14,610 and our partnership gives us 325 00:15:14,700 --> 00:15:18,070 the safe ground to do it, and to... 326 00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:21,070 raise a daughter and have a family. 327 00:15:22,410 --> 00:15:23,530 Yeah. 328 00:15:27,740 --> 00:15:30,240 Mira, what about you? 329 00:15:33,950 --> 00:15:36,490 Um, sorry, what was the... 330 00:15:36,570 --> 00:15:38,700 The question was about your perception-- 331 00:15:38,780 --> 00:15:41,990 Right. Our success. 332 00:15:42,070 --> 00:15:45,660 Um, well, I agree with what Jonathan said. 333 00:15:45,740 --> 00:15:48,410 - I mean, we-- we come-- 334 00:15:48,490 --> 00:15:50,450 -Hi. -Hey, honey. 335 00:15:50,530 --> 00:15:53,450 -Hey, oh. What is it? -Whoa! 336 00:15:53,530 --> 00:15:55,200 - Hi. - Hi. 337 00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:57,280 -I'm Danielle. Remember me? -Who's that? 338 00:15:57,360 --> 00:15:59,780 -What's wrong, honey bunny? -It's over. 339 00:16:00,570 --> 00:16:01,990 Oh. Okay. 340 00:16:02,070 --> 00:16:03,530 - Sorry, give us a second. - Of course. 341 00:16:03,610 --> 00:16:05,200 Come on. I'll put another one on for you, okay? 342 00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:07,410 Take your time, no worries. Why can't I watch it 343 00:16:07,490 --> 00:16:08,530 here with you on the iPad? 344 00:16:08,610 --> 00:16:09,950 -We'll be right back. -Because, silly goose, 345 00:16:10,030 --> 00:16:12,030 we're having a little meeting, but then-- It's okay. 346 00:16:12,110 --> 00:16:13,570 I'm just-- I'm gonna stay with her and watch. 347 00:16:13,660 --> 00:16:15,110 I got it, I got it. I got it, sweetie. 348 00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:17,200 -No, I'm gonna-- -You're in the middle of your answer. 349 00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:19,200 Yeah, but I'm dying to get this over with. Come on. I'm-- 350 00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:21,160 I know, but it's just gonna be a little longer. 351 00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:22,990 - She said an hour at the most. - Daddy. 352 00:16:23,070 --> 00:16:24,410 Okay, sweetie, I'm gonna put it on. 353 00:16:24,490 --> 00:16:25,610 What's wrong? 354 00:16:26,450 --> 00:16:27,570 Nothing. 355 00:16:28,950 --> 00:16:30,740 Have fun. 356 00:16:30,820 --> 00:16:33,660 Okay. Just one second, patience. 357 00:16:33,740 --> 00:16:35,820 -Sorry about that. -No, no, it's fine. 358 00:16:35,910 --> 00:16:38,240 - I know exactly how it is. - Yeah. 359 00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:40,450 I'm so grateful to you both for doing this. 360 00:16:40,530 --> 00:16:44,490 It's so hard finding subjects for research, 361 00:16:44,570 --> 00:16:46,110 especially straight men, actually. 362 00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:47,610 Well, lucky for you, Jonathan loves 363 00:16:47,700 --> 00:16:50,070 -talking about his theories. -Hmm. 364 00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:51,450 Well, what's yours? 365 00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:55,990 Well, um... 366 00:16:56,070 --> 00:16:58,030 I think about it in terms of... 367 00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:01,030 an equilibrium. 368 00:17:01,110 --> 00:17:03,320 Mm-hmm. - Yeah. I think that 369 00:17:03,410 --> 00:17:06,700 in marriage, there is this very delicate equilibrium 370 00:17:06,780 --> 00:17:10,200 and that, um, you have to maintain it together. 371 00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:14,660 And what do you mean by equilibrium? 372 00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:18,490 Well, you know, at the beginning of a relationship, 373 00:17:18,570 --> 00:17:20,160 everything's thrilling and it's new 374 00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:22,280 and you feel as a couple that nothing can hurt you. 375 00:17:22,360 --> 00:17:23,530 Right. 376 00:17:23,610 --> 00:17:25,950 And then you gradually start to realize that actually, 377 00:17:26,030 --> 00:17:29,160 anything can hurt you. 378 00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:33,240 - Mm-hmm. 379 00:17:36,490 --> 00:17:37,700 Uh... 380 00:17:39,410 --> 00:17:41,860 - I'm gonna go check on them. - Okay. 381 00:17:41,950 --> 00:17:43,820 - I'll be right back. - Sure. 382 00:17:44,780 --> 00:17:46,110 - Hey. - Good? Yeah. 383 00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:48,740 Sorry, the Wi-Fi was, uh, messed up. 384 00:17:48,820 --> 00:17:50,160 It wasn't loading. 385 00:17:50,700 --> 00:17:52,070 Hi. 386 00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:54,780 We have another half an hour while she watches this one. 387 00:17:54,860 --> 00:17:56,780 -Perfect. -Okay. All right. 388 00:17:56,860 --> 00:17:58,030 Okay. Great. 389 00:17:58,660 --> 00:17:59,740 Thank you. 390 00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:01,700 So... 391 00:18:01,780 --> 00:18:05,490 Yes, I'd like to hear about your attitudes towards monogamy. 392 00:18:05,570 --> 00:18:07,660 Um, to what extent do you see yourselves committed 393 00:18:07,740 --> 00:18:09,160 to each other exclusively? 394 00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:10,860 Well, what do you mean? 395 00:18:10,950 --> 00:18:12,070 I mean sexually. 396 00:18:14,740 --> 00:18:17,240 I would say it was very unexpected. 397 00:18:22,450 --> 00:18:25,110 Well? What did I miss? 398 00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:27,410 - Oh, God. - Basically, she asked 399 00:18:27,490 --> 00:18:29,990 if they're fucking other people. 400 00:18:30,070 --> 00:18:32,110 -That's a little intrusive, no? -Yeah. 401 00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:33,820 - Why? - Well, maybe not for you, 402 00:18:33,910 --> 00:18:35,570 but how did you agree to do this? 403 00:18:35,660 --> 00:18:38,110 I didn't. Jonathan agreed, and he dragged me into it. 404 00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:39,660 I didn't drag you into it. 405 00:18:39,740 --> 00:18:41,530 -You did. Yes. -No, I didn't. 406 00:18:41,610 --> 00:18:44,030 You did. He met her at Ava's preschool. 407 00:18:44,110 --> 00:18:45,360 -Hmm. -Yeah. 408 00:18:45,450 --> 00:18:47,160 For the twins, she takes care of the twins that go there. 409 00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:48,950 So she told him all about it, 410 00:18:49,030 --> 00:18:50,910 and he couldn't help advancing his theories 411 00:18:50,990 --> 00:18:52,490 on how capitalism ruins marriages. 412 00:18:52,570 --> 00:18:53,700 - It's true. 413 00:18:53,780 --> 00:18:55,360 -Jonathan. -Word needs to get out. 414 00:18:55,450 --> 00:18:57,610 Getting friendly with the younger women at pickup? 415 00:18:57,700 --> 00:18:59,160 - Come on. - Uh-huh. 416 00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:01,110 That is true. - He's taking advantage of his sexy dad factor. 417 00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:03,820 She's a student. She's a student. Please. 418 00:19:03,910 --> 00:19:06,110 But, wait, what is the research about? 419 00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:08,700 I'm kidding. I'm totally kidding. 420 00:19:08,780 --> 00:19:10,320 I think that-- I think 421 00:19:10,410 --> 00:19:12,820 her thesis is basically that 422 00:19:12,910 --> 00:19:15,030 when the woman is the primary provider 423 00:19:15,110 --> 00:19:16,820 and the man is the primary caregiver, 424 00:19:16,910 --> 00:19:19,660 the marriage has a greater chance of "success." 425 00:19:19,740 --> 00:19:21,030 - Mm. - Really? 426 00:19:21,110 --> 00:19:22,280 Yeah. 427 00:19:22,360 --> 00:19:24,410 Apparently, there's research that says that the woman's 428 00:19:24,490 --> 00:19:27,070 level of satisfaction is the crucial element 429 00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:29,660 in determining the long-term stability of a marriage. 430 00:19:29,740 --> 00:19:31,410 Huh. You hear that, Kate? 431 00:19:31,490 --> 00:19:34,320 - Loud and clear. 432 00:19:34,410 --> 00:19:36,450 Anyway, why is she choosing 433 00:19:36,530 --> 00:19:39,070 to follow long-term monogamous couples? 434 00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:41,410 I would expect more out of a millennial psych student. 435 00:19:41,490 --> 00:19:43,530 - Yeah, apparently, uh, 436 00:19:43,610 --> 00:19:45,320 divorce has been researched to death, so... 437 00:19:45,410 --> 00:19:47,570 Yeah, but there's so many other relationship models. 438 00:19:47,660 --> 00:19:48,820 I mean, it's a new era. 439 00:19:48,910 --> 00:19:50,910 - Take us, for example. 440 00:19:50,990 --> 00:19:53,660 -She should have met with us. -Yeah. Well, you know, I'm happy to give her your number, Peter, 441 00:19:53,740 --> 00:19:55,820 if you're interested, as she's desperate for research subjects. 442 00:19:55,910 --> 00:19:57,950 By all means. I think she could benefit a lot from us. 443 00:19:58,030 --> 00:20:00,240 Wait. But she's interested in successful marriages. 444 00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:03,070 I think that rules us out, baby. 445 00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:05,450 - That's... 446 00:20:05,530 --> 00:20:07,070 I don't think that's true. 447 00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:10,160 Okay. Hey. I'm sorry. 448 00:20:12,660 --> 00:20:15,450 Wait. So how was, uh, how was Boulder? 449 00:20:15,530 --> 00:20:16,780 - Oh, yeah. - It was good. 450 00:20:16,860 --> 00:20:18,240 We-- we won the pitch. 451 00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:19,530 -Hey, that's great. -No! 452 00:20:19,610 --> 00:20:22,570 - Cheers. Congrats. Fantastic. - Thank you, guys. 453 00:20:22,660 --> 00:20:24,410 Yeah, actually, we killed it. 454 00:20:24,490 --> 00:20:25,780 You know, I don't think they were, uh, 455 00:20:25,860 --> 00:20:27,780 looking for a boutique company, 456 00:20:27,860 --> 00:20:30,160 but they fell in love with Kate's demos. 457 00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:31,570 Of course they did. She's a genius. 458 00:20:31,660 --> 00:20:33,740 There's no better web designer on the entire East Coast. 459 00:20:33,820 --> 00:20:34,950 - No. - I've said that 460 00:20:35,030 --> 00:20:36,360 - multiple times. - No argument here. 461 00:20:36,450 --> 00:20:39,280 And, you know, I didn't fuck up the presentation too badly, so. 462 00:20:39,360 --> 00:20:41,200 -Well, good. Good on you. -You sure? You sure? 463 00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:43,280 We were a well-oiled machine. 464 00:20:45,700 --> 00:20:49,240 That's great, guys. I'm jealous of you. 465 00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:51,610 I am. I get jealous of them. I just think that, like, 466 00:20:51,700 --> 00:20:53,660 a couple that can work together is-- 467 00:20:53,740 --> 00:20:55,030 Don't be too jealous. 468 00:20:55,110 --> 00:20:57,570 No, I'm sure it's not always easy, but when it works, 469 00:20:57,660 --> 00:21:00,660 -that's like the paradigm. -Easy? I mean, the fact that 470 00:21:00,740 --> 00:21:04,360 we got through Boulder without killing each other is a miracle. 471 00:21:04,450 --> 00:21:06,280 Let's not do this now, Kate. 472 00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:08,820 Why not? What's the problem? - This is not the time for it. 473 00:21:08,910 --> 00:21:12,660 Okay. So, when we're alone, it's not the time either. 474 00:21:12,740 --> 00:21:14,990 Maybe you can give some thought to when the right time might be. 475 00:21:15,070 --> 00:21:16,910 - Just stop, okay? - Okay. Fine. 476 00:21:19,030 --> 00:21:20,530 Okay. Let's go home. 477 00:21:20,610 --> 00:21:23,240 -No! What are you talking about? -We're playing make-believe. 478 00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:25,070 - Kate. Let's not ruin it. - Don't leave. 479 00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:27,490 -What's going on, Peter? -It's nothing important, 480 00:21:27,570 --> 00:21:29,490 it's just the usual drama about... 481 00:21:29,570 --> 00:21:32,030 Don't say it's not important. No. Fuck you. 482 00:21:35,660 --> 00:21:36,950 Okay. 483 00:21:37,570 --> 00:21:38,910 What's going on... 484 00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:42,360 is Nathan broke up with me, 485 00:21:42,450 --> 00:21:44,320 and I'm extremely depressed about it. 486 00:21:47,610 --> 00:21:50,110 Peter can't deal with it. He won't talk about it. 487 00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:52,700 So that's what's going on. And-- 488 00:21:52,780 --> 00:21:54,530 - Kate. Cut it out. - Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh. 489 00:21:54,610 --> 00:21:56,780 Cut it out? You cut it out. All of these-- 490 00:21:56,860 --> 00:21:59,860 I'm so sick of this social fascism. 491 00:21:59,950 --> 00:22:02,780 - Social fascism. All these bullshit empty conversations. 492 00:22:02,860 --> 00:22:04,410 I'm allowed to talk about everything 493 00:22:04,490 --> 00:22:06,240 but the most important thing going on in my life. 494 00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:07,780 I'm not gonna do it anymore. 495 00:22:09,110 --> 00:22:11,410 Maybe they don't really feel like hearing about it, 496 00:22:11,490 --> 00:22:13,160 - have you considered that? - No, no. 497 00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:15,610 You're the only one that doesn't wanna hear about it. 498 00:22:15,700 --> 00:22:19,740 Because you'd rather wallow in your passive-aggressive bullshit resentment, 499 00:22:19,820 --> 00:22:22,820 you can't admit that you're hurting, 500 00:22:22,910 --> 00:22:24,280 that it hurts, 501 00:22:24,360 --> 00:22:26,570 -and just talk to me about it. -Yeah, I'm hurt, okay? 502 00:22:26,660 --> 00:22:28,450 I'm very hurt. I admit it. Okay. 503 00:22:28,530 --> 00:22:30,780 -Can we end this now? -Okay. No, we can't end this. 504 00:22:30,860 --> 00:22:33,200 And I won't live like this. Okay? 505 00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:36,280 When we started this, we said 506 00:22:36,360 --> 00:22:38,910 that we would talk about everything, and I was there 507 00:22:38,990 --> 00:22:41,200 through all your shit with Alana, Grace. 508 00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:43,570 I accepted that. I dealt with that. 509 00:22:43,660 --> 00:22:45,780 And now suddenly when I'm the one that's going through something, 510 00:22:45,860 --> 00:22:47,910 it's like my feelings aren't legitimate. 511 00:22:47,990 --> 00:22:49,610 I never fell in love with anyone else. 512 00:22:49,700 --> 00:22:50,860 That's the difference. 513 00:22:53,490 --> 00:22:54,660 Okay. 514 00:22:55,700 --> 00:22:59,160 So what if I... fell in love? 515 00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:03,530 That was supposed to be a part of the risk we both accepted. 516 00:23:04,530 --> 00:23:07,240 I'm not leaving, I'm here, I'm dealing with it. 517 00:23:13,660 --> 00:23:16,280 -Sorry. -It's okay. No, no, no. 518 00:23:16,360 --> 00:23:17,910 - Oh, God. - It's all right. 519 00:23:19,570 --> 00:23:21,320 So you care more about what they think about you 520 00:23:21,410 --> 00:23:23,160 than what I'm going through right now. 521 00:23:23,240 --> 00:23:25,200 -You're so pathetic. -I think it's a real competition 522 00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:26,490 as to who's most pathetic right now. 523 00:23:26,570 --> 00:23:28,910 Let's take a break. I'm gonna go upstairs. 524 00:23:28,990 --> 00:23:30,700 Why don't you come upstairs with me? 525 00:23:31,990 --> 00:23:34,740 I'm gonna call a car. You do whatever you want. 526 00:23:36,070 --> 00:23:37,160 -Hey. -I'm sorry. 527 00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:38,570 -No, no. -I couldn't hold it together anymore. 528 00:23:38,660 --> 00:23:40,450 I get it. - That whole dinner, he was just... 529 00:23:40,530 --> 00:23:42,030 I know. 530 00:23:42,110 --> 00:23:44,160 It's been like this all week since I talked to you. 531 00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:46,200 I'm sorry I haven't been here. 532 00:23:46,280 --> 00:23:48,700 - When did your flight get in? - Last night. 533 00:23:48,780 --> 00:23:50,780 Do you have an Advil? My head's killing me. 534 00:23:50,860 --> 00:23:53,110 In my bathroom. I'm just gonna check on Ava for a second. 535 00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:54,360 I'll be right there. 536 00:23:57,030 --> 00:23:58,700 Revisionist history, you know? 537 00:23:58,780 --> 00:24:01,610 She was a mess, I was holding things together. 538 00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:05,780 -Did you find it? -Yeah. 539 00:24:11,410 --> 00:24:15,030 So, it ended with Nathan, completely? 540 00:24:15,110 --> 00:24:16,410 Yeah. For good. 541 00:24:16,490 --> 00:24:19,030 - I'm sorry. 542 00:24:19,110 --> 00:24:22,070 Oh, girl. Yeah. He said he's exhausted 543 00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:25,360 from living a double life. 544 00:24:25,450 --> 00:24:27,360 The irony is a double life's the only life 545 00:24:27,450 --> 00:24:28,780 I know how to live. 546 00:24:29,360 --> 00:24:30,530 Right. 547 00:24:30,610 --> 00:24:32,860 Mira, this past week, I can barely get out of bed. 548 00:24:32,950 --> 00:24:36,030 Literally. It's not getting any better. 549 00:24:36,110 --> 00:24:39,360 And Peter just sulks all day like a child. And... 550 00:24:39,450 --> 00:24:42,860 When he's not doing this phony chipper thing 551 00:24:42,950 --> 00:24:45,660 that makes me wanna strangle him. 552 00:24:45,740 --> 00:24:48,160 And then I have these outbursts of hatred for him 553 00:24:48,240 --> 00:24:49,570 where I'm just... 554 00:24:51,910 --> 00:24:53,280 I find myself in bed... 555 00:24:54,780 --> 00:24:57,320 thinking of the craziest ways to torture him 556 00:24:57,990 --> 00:24:59,990 and then fucking kill him. 557 00:25:01,360 --> 00:25:02,950 -I don't know. -Mm-hmm. 558 00:25:03,030 --> 00:25:08,240 Perhaps it's time to reconsider this arrangement. 559 00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:09,450 This arrangement? 560 00:25:09,530 --> 00:25:11,490 I'm-- 561 00:25:11,570 --> 00:25:13,410 You gotta remember this whole thing started 562 00:25:13,490 --> 00:25:15,450 so Peter could justify his cheating. 563 00:25:15,530 --> 00:25:17,740 This is just-- It doesn't matter how it started. 564 00:25:17,820 --> 00:25:21,070 This is the way that we found to, you know, get through it, 565 00:25:21,160 --> 00:25:22,780 and I don't regret it. 566 00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:24,450 Mm. 567 00:25:25,820 --> 00:25:26,820 I don't. 568 00:25:26,910 --> 00:25:28,950 - I don't-- Kate. - It's been good for us. 569 00:25:29,030 --> 00:25:32,320 I don't remember ever wanting to fuck Peter 570 00:25:32,410 --> 00:25:34,820 as much as when I was with Nathan. 571 00:25:34,910 --> 00:25:37,950 I'm serious. I wore him out. 572 00:25:38,070 --> 00:25:39,820 - Okay. - Do you know how good it felt 573 00:25:39,910 --> 00:25:42,320 to actually want my husband? 574 00:25:46,360 --> 00:25:49,110 You know, this is real. 575 00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:51,700 This is my life, Mira. It's not some whim. 576 00:25:53,200 --> 00:25:54,530 I mean, what I had with Nathan, 577 00:25:54,610 --> 00:25:58,240 I don't remember ever feeling so alive. 578 00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:03,280 And so, okay, it also means feeling this terrible pain. 579 00:26:03,360 --> 00:26:04,700 It's part of the deal. 580 00:26:11,700 --> 00:26:13,860 You're really suffering though, honey. 581 00:26:14,740 --> 00:26:15,860 Hmm. 582 00:26:17,530 --> 00:26:19,030 What would be better? 583 00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:21,490 There were at least three years 584 00:26:21,570 --> 00:26:23,570 when I didn't have sex with Peter. 585 00:26:23,660 --> 00:26:25,070 - I know. - Yeah. 586 00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:28,320 Does that seem reasonable to you? 587 00:26:28,410 --> 00:26:30,820 Life without any passion, right? Kind of like-- 588 00:26:30,910 --> 00:26:33,700 Well, passion, okay, it's awesome, 589 00:26:33,780 --> 00:26:35,990 uh, but, you know, it's not sustainable. 590 00:26:36,070 --> 00:26:37,450 We're not 16 anymore. You can't-- 591 00:26:37,530 --> 00:26:38,820 What does 16 have to do with anything? 592 00:26:38,910 --> 00:26:40,450 Did you renounce passion at the age of 16? 593 00:26:40,530 --> 00:26:42,280 No, I'm not saying that I renounced it. 594 00:26:42,360 --> 00:26:43,950 Don't start quoting Jonathan's theories 595 00:26:44,030 --> 00:26:46,570 -about marriage. -I'm not quoting him. 596 00:26:46,660 --> 00:26:51,410 No, I-- I'm saying that, okay, this open relationship 597 00:26:51,490 --> 00:26:53,990 -comes at a price for everybody. -Of course it does. 598 00:26:54,070 --> 00:26:57,280 And... it can't be easy for your kids, right? 599 00:26:59,570 --> 00:27:03,200 Well, it's not easy for any kid, Mira. 600 00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:04,490 I mean... 601 00:27:07,410 --> 00:27:10,490 Honestly, in the long run, I think that it's actually... 602 00:27:11,450 --> 00:27:12,990 very empowering for them 603 00:27:13,070 --> 00:27:17,070 to see me always searching for freedom and happiness. 604 00:27:18,910 --> 00:27:21,610 I don't know, self-actualization? 605 00:27:24,030 --> 00:27:26,490 It's absolutely something that I want to model for them. 606 00:27:27,450 --> 00:27:28,780 Especially Anna. 607 00:27:32,860 --> 00:27:34,160 Okay. 608 00:27:37,110 --> 00:27:39,240 I'm not judging you, honey. I'm not. 609 00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:40,320 Yeah. 610 00:27:42,950 --> 00:27:45,700 And I'm on your side always. You know that, right? 611 00:27:47,360 --> 00:27:49,160 I know. I do. 612 00:27:51,660 --> 00:27:53,410 I'm sorry. Here. 613 00:27:53,490 --> 00:27:56,110 - Mm. - No, no, no. 614 00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:01,610 Hmm. 615 00:28:03,070 --> 00:28:06,820 Oh, this day. It's just, like, it's so much. It's... 616 00:28:10,070 --> 00:28:11,660 Wait, is something wrong? 617 00:28:14,160 --> 00:28:15,990 No, it's just, uh... 618 00:28:18,320 --> 00:28:21,280 It's just a lot of pressure, so. 619 00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:23,700 What kind of pressure? 620 00:28:26,700 --> 00:28:29,030 No, it's nothing. Forget it. 621 00:28:33,910 --> 00:28:35,700 What? 622 00:28:37,490 --> 00:28:40,660 Nothing, I just-- I'm sorry I lost it. 623 00:28:43,160 --> 00:28:45,740 I think it's okay. That was crazy. 624 00:28:46,860 --> 00:28:47,860 Girl. 625 00:28:49,570 --> 00:28:52,700 -You're such a good friend. Hey. -Aw. 626 00:28:53,490 --> 00:28:54,740 And you're stunning. 627 00:29:11,030 --> 00:29:12,240 I don't... 628 00:29:12,320 --> 00:29:14,660 - Not sure where what came from. 629 00:29:14,740 --> 00:29:16,410 I think I'm pretty drunk. 630 00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:20,410 Um... 631 00:29:21,780 --> 00:29:23,610 - Okay. You good? - Yeah. 632 00:29:23,700 --> 00:29:26,070 -Do you wanna go downstairs? -Okay. 633 00:29:26,160 --> 00:29:30,030 - Mm. Yeah. 634 00:29:31,740 --> 00:29:32,660 Hang on. 635 00:29:32,740 --> 00:29:34,070 - Okay, come on. - Okay. 636 00:29:37,820 --> 00:29:39,820 Oh, no, no, no, you got it backwards. 637 00:29:39,910 --> 00:29:42,070 It was-- it was-- it was she who made the sale. 638 00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:44,320 I get that, but you did your fair share of the work. 639 00:29:44,410 --> 00:29:45,780 She is a ball buster. 640 00:29:45,860 --> 00:29:48,530 - She can be really fucking scary. Oh my God. 641 00:29:48,610 --> 00:29:50,740 And she's a-- she's a true artist, right? 642 00:29:50,820 --> 00:29:53,530 - I'll call a car. She's a certifiable genius. She's gorgeous. 643 00:29:53,610 --> 00:29:55,110 I'm just gonna clean up a bit. 644 00:29:55,200 --> 00:29:57,490 I don't know why she even ever let me between her legs, 645 00:29:57,570 --> 00:29:59,320 this paragon of perfection. 646 00:29:59,410 --> 00:30:00,360 Hi. I need a car 647 00:30:00,450 --> 00:30:04,160 at 206 Abbottsford Road in Brookline. 648 00:30:04,240 --> 00:30:07,030 When I sleep with other women, it's because, uh, 649 00:30:07,110 --> 00:30:09,490 it's only because it makes me feel... 650 00:30:10,490 --> 00:30:12,200 You know, it's-- it has nothing to do 651 00:30:12,280 --> 00:30:15,360 with falling in love. It's the only way-- 652 00:30:15,450 --> 00:30:18,070 It's the only way that I can, uh... 653 00:30:18,160 --> 00:30:19,320 No, it does-- 654 00:30:19,410 --> 00:30:20,910 You know, I know-- I know I'm the one who-- 655 00:30:20,990 --> 00:30:23,240 Peter, I called us a car. Neither one of us can drive. 656 00:30:23,320 --> 00:30:27,200 Mm-hmm. Yeah. Do you want coffee or anything? 657 00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:29,240 - Are you okay? - Yeah, I'm good. Yeah. 658 00:30:29,320 --> 00:30:31,030 Yeah, I was just, uh... 659 00:30:31,110 --> 00:30:32,740 I was just trying to explain to him 660 00:30:32,820 --> 00:30:36,110 how you and I decided to, uh... 661 00:30:36,200 --> 00:30:39,610 And I, you know, I was saying that just ignoring the fact 662 00:30:39,700 --> 00:30:42,360 that you have options doesn't make them go away. 663 00:30:42,450 --> 00:30:43,530 - Right? Right? - Yeah. 664 00:30:43,610 --> 00:30:45,610 You know, or another way of saying it is, 665 00:30:45,700 --> 00:30:48,240 you know, if the only reason that you're faithful 666 00:30:48,320 --> 00:30:51,070 is because it's like a rational decision, 667 00:30:51,160 --> 00:30:53,280 -well, that's not sustainable. -Why not? 668 00:30:53,360 --> 00:30:55,490 Well, because it's just a matter of the right woman, right time 669 00:30:55,570 --> 00:30:57,490 - when it finally happens, right? - Oh, okay. 670 00:30:57,570 --> 00:30:59,410 So I don't have a choice in the matter? 671 00:30:59,490 --> 00:31:00,740 No, you don't. 672 00:31:00,820 --> 00:31:02,820 Because, I mean, this force... 673 00:31:02,910 --> 00:31:06,240 - I'm tired. - ...call it Eros or whatever, 674 00:31:06,320 --> 00:31:08,700 you know, it's far more powerful than your own will. 675 00:31:08,780 --> 00:31:10,110 The car is on the way. 676 00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:11,410 You better start getting ready, okay? 677 00:31:11,490 --> 00:31:13,110 Just a second. You understand what I'm saying? 678 00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:14,450 It depends on who you are. 679 00:31:14,530 --> 00:31:16,160 -No, it doesn't! It doesn't! -Shh. Peter. 680 00:31:16,240 --> 00:31:17,490 - Quiet. - I'm sorry. 681 00:31:17,570 --> 00:31:19,280 I think it's just-- it's a longer conversation. 682 00:31:19,360 --> 00:31:20,860 No, tell me, I wanna hear. 683 00:31:23,530 --> 00:31:25,950 I think maybe it's just because of the way that I was raised. 684 00:31:26,030 --> 00:31:28,610 - What do you mean? - Well, you know, in... 685 00:31:28,700 --> 00:31:30,950 the first 20 years of your life, 686 00:31:31,030 --> 00:31:34,110 you're taught to conquer your desires, 687 00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:36,240 -not surrender to them. -Dude. 688 00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:38,660 - What? - That's grotesque. 689 00:31:38,740 --> 00:31:39,780 Maybe. 690 00:31:39,860 --> 00:31:41,530 I mean, that level of repression, 691 00:31:41,610 --> 00:31:42,700 it's like from the Middle Ages. 692 00:31:42,780 --> 00:31:43,780 I'm not defending it. 693 00:31:43,860 --> 00:31:45,280 I'm just saying that it's ingrained in me. 694 00:31:45,360 --> 00:31:46,530 Hey, babe, where is your jacket? 695 00:31:46,610 --> 00:31:48,110 - Just a second. - We need to get ready. 696 00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:50,610 You really need to start shaking that off. 697 00:31:50,700 --> 00:31:52,780 - Or it's gonna take a major toll on you. Peter. 698 00:31:52,860 --> 00:31:54,070 Not just mentally, I mean, 699 00:31:54,160 --> 00:31:56,240 physically and spiritually, and... 700 00:31:56,320 --> 00:31:58,160 -The car is almost here. -Yeah, I heard you! 701 00:31:58,240 --> 00:32:00,070 -He can wait a minute! -Shh. 702 00:32:04,360 --> 00:32:05,860 Shit. 703 00:32:05,950 --> 00:32:07,530 - Here. - I'm sorry. 704 00:32:07,610 --> 00:32:09,410 - I'm really sorry. - I call you tomorrow. 705 00:32:10,820 --> 00:32:12,530 -Mira, I'm sorry. -Yeah. 706 00:32:13,700 --> 00:32:15,410 I'm sorry. I apologize. 707 00:32:15,490 --> 00:32:17,700 - Bye. Night. No worries. It's all right. 708 00:32:17,780 --> 00:32:19,320 - Is she mad at me? - Peter, let's go. 709 00:32:19,410 --> 00:32:21,280 It's fine. It's fine. It's just a long day. 710 00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:22,910 All right, guys. Thanks for coming. 711 00:32:22,990 --> 00:32:24,450 - Okay. - Don't worry about it. 712 00:32:24,530 --> 00:32:26,030 So we'll come back for our car tomorrow? 713 00:32:26,110 --> 00:32:28,570 Uh, is it that one? No, it's across the street. 714 00:32:35,240 --> 00:32:36,700 You're welcome. Bye. 715 00:33:12,280 --> 00:33:13,570 I'll be right there. 716 00:33:29,820 --> 00:33:31,030 Sorry I left you down there. 717 00:33:31,110 --> 00:33:32,320 It's okay, sweetie. 718 00:33:33,030 --> 00:33:36,110 I couldn't take it anymore. 719 00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:38,160 Yeah, he was really drunk. 720 00:33:38,240 --> 00:33:39,410 It was tragic. 721 00:33:39,490 --> 00:33:40,820 Tragic, why? 722 00:33:40,910 --> 00:33:41,910 Why? 723 00:33:41,990 --> 00:33:44,160 Yeah. It's not like we haven't seen that before. 724 00:33:47,610 --> 00:33:49,240 She's really suffering. I'm telling you. 725 00:33:49,320 --> 00:33:50,990 Yeah, I could see that, but-- 726 00:33:51,070 --> 00:33:53,030 The sad thing is they're basically a good couple 727 00:33:53,110 --> 00:33:55,910 if he hadn't roped her in all his adolescent bullshit. 728 00:33:55,990 --> 00:33:57,160 Yeah? 729 00:33:58,070 --> 00:34:00,110 You sure it's him that roped her? 730 00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:02,280 Oh, come on. It's not who she is, 731 00:34:02,360 --> 00:34:05,030 - this whole polyamory thing. 732 00:34:06,280 --> 00:34:07,860 I think they both get to... 733 00:34:08,950 --> 00:34:10,700 feed off of the drama, you know? 734 00:34:10,780 --> 00:34:13,820 Mm. Well, you get a kick out of it, don't you? 735 00:34:14,990 --> 00:34:18,490 You must admit, darling, it is diverting. 736 00:34:18,570 --> 00:34:21,030 Whatever. 737 00:35:40,450 --> 00:35:41,610 What is it? 738 00:35:44,950 --> 00:35:46,740 Oh, don't look so scared. 739 00:35:46,820 --> 00:35:47,910 I'm not. 740 00:35:48,950 --> 00:35:50,280 What's going on? 741 00:35:55,950 --> 00:35:57,070 I'm pregnant. 742 00:35:59,320 --> 00:36:00,950 -What? -Yeah. 743 00:36:04,320 --> 00:36:05,660 Wow. 744 00:36:07,910 --> 00:36:09,030 Mira. 745 00:36:11,240 --> 00:36:12,280 How? 746 00:36:13,160 --> 00:36:16,860 Uh, well, that weekend. The Cape. 747 00:36:16,950 --> 00:36:19,320 Yeah, I forgot my pills, so I missed a couple days. 748 00:36:19,410 --> 00:36:21,160 Why didn't you tell me you forgot your pills? 749 00:36:21,240 --> 00:36:22,700 Well, I didn't think that it mattered if we... 750 00:36:22,780 --> 00:36:26,070 Well, it shouldn't be so easy to get knocked up at my age. 751 00:36:27,490 --> 00:36:28,660 I took a... 752 00:36:28,740 --> 00:36:30,240 Well, I was late for my period, 753 00:36:30,320 --> 00:36:33,950 so I took a test this afternoon, and there was a faint blue line. 754 00:36:34,030 --> 00:36:35,700 Okay, so it's a faint line, so maybe... 755 00:36:35,780 --> 00:36:37,280 No, I took a picture of the stick 756 00:36:37,360 --> 00:36:39,740 and sent it to my doctors. 757 00:36:39,820 --> 00:36:41,990 I'm pregnant. 758 00:36:42,070 --> 00:36:43,780 -Wow. -Yeah. 759 00:36:44,660 --> 00:36:46,110 -Wow. -Yeah. I've got an appointment 760 00:36:46,200 --> 00:36:48,200 with her next week. Dr. Varona. 761 00:36:48,700 --> 00:36:49,860 Okay. 762 00:36:53,410 --> 00:36:56,410 -Are you happy? Yeah? -Yes, of course. I'm happy. Yes. 763 00:36:56,490 --> 00:36:58,450 I'm just a little-- I'm stunned. 764 00:36:58,530 --> 00:36:59,950 God, me too. 765 00:37:00,030 --> 00:37:03,200 I mean, I have no idea what to do. 766 00:37:03,280 --> 00:37:04,660 What do you mean? 767 00:37:04,740 --> 00:37:07,570 Nothing. Nothing. I just-- I don't know. It's... 768 00:37:10,030 --> 00:37:13,950 If we do this, so much is gonna fall on you. 769 00:37:14,030 --> 00:37:16,530 Yeah. Yeah. 770 00:37:18,160 --> 00:37:19,570 So, what do you feel? 771 00:37:21,610 --> 00:37:23,570 Well, I don't know. I wanted to know how you felt. 772 00:37:23,660 --> 00:37:25,780 No, no, forget about me for a second. 773 00:37:25,860 --> 00:37:27,110 What do you feel? 774 00:37:30,910 --> 00:37:32,030 I don't know. 775 00:37:33,110 --> 00:37:35,070 - Okay. 776 00:37:35,160 --> 00:37:38,320 Well, try to think about how you felt 777 00:37:38,410 --> 00:37:40,070 the second that you realized. 778 00:37:40,990 --> 00:37:42,410 -Try to remember. -Fine. 779 00:37:42,910 --> 00:37:45,240 I felt shocked. 780 00:37:45,320 --> 00:37:47,570 And, um, then I had to... 781 00:37:48,570 --> 00:37:50,240 come downstairs for that interview, 782 00:37:50,320 --> 00:37:52,360 so I buried it. And now... 783 00:37:53,410 --> 00:37:54,610 I guess I... 784 00:37:58,160 --> 00:37:59,160 I don't know. 785 00:37:59,240 --> 00:38:00,530 Come on. You can be honest with me. 786 00:38:00,610 --> 00:38:01,950 Anything that you feel is legitimate. 787 00:38:02,030 --> 00:38:03,070 I don't know how I feel. 788 00:38:03,160 --> 00:38:05,200 How am I supposed to be honest about that? 789 00:38:09,780 --> 00:38:10,820 Sorry. 790 00:38:12,070 --> 00:38:15,610 Just trying to figure out how this could have happened. 791 00:38:16,700 --> 00:38:17,740 Yeah. 792 00:38:19,240 --> 00:38:21,450 Maybe the sex had something to do with it. 793 00:38:23,450 --> 00:38:26,160 Yeah. 794 00:38:29,410 --> 00:38:32,990 Hey, what if-- what if we think about this in, 795 00:38:33,070 --> 00:38:35,530 I don't know, like a slightly more... 796 00:38:35,610 --> 00:38:37,780 ...deterministic way? 797 00:38:37,860 --> 00:38:40,780 You know, like, it's the Lord's doing, right? 798 00:38:40,860 --> 00:38:42,360 -What? -Not in a religious sense. 799 00:38:42,450 --> 00:38:43,860 -Not in a religious sense. -Okay. 800 00:38:43,950 --> 00:38:46,740 I just mean, like, I mean, you know, okay, 801 00:38:46,820 --> 00:38:49,450 you forgot your pills. 802 00:38:49,780 --> 00:38:50,910 Uh-huh. 803 00:38:51,030 --> 00:38:52,450 And you still...? 804 00:38:53,610 --> 00:38:54,570 Yeah. 805 00:38:54,660 --> 00:38:56,280 And you immediately got pregnant. 806 00:38:56,360 --> 00:38:59,740 So is it possible that there's a part of you that-- 807 00:38:59,820 --> 00:39:03,110 wanted this or thought that we should have this? 808 00:39:04,280 --> 00:39:06,740 Where is this coming from? 809 00:39:06,820 --> 00:39:09,410 - It's so... - I know, I know. 810 00:39:09,490 --> 00:39:11,240 I mean, if you're-- if you're trying to say 811 00:39:11,320 --> 00:39:13,490 that you want to keep it, just say that. 812 00:39:13,570 --> 00:39:14,820 Well... 813 00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:17,450 I... 814 00:39:17,530 --> 00:39:19,320 I-- It's what we talked about originally. 815 00:39:19,410 --> 00:39:21,910 Yeah. But originally, it was completely abstract. 816 00:39:21,990 --> 00:39:23,490 I mean, it was... 817 00:39:23,570 --> 00:39:25,240 before we knew anything about anything, 818 00:39:25,320 --> 00:39:26,320 it was before Ava, 819 00:39:26,410 --> 00:39:28,610 before we knew what it was actually like. 820 00:39:33,530 --> 00:39:34,570 What? 821 00:39:40,570 --> 00:39:41,660 You... 822 00:39:43,280 --> 00:39:46,110 -You wanna keep it, right? -I think so. Yeah, I think so. 823 00:39:46,200 --> 00:39:48,240 I think we can handle it, but only if it's something 824 00:39:48,320 --> 00:39:50,740 that you really, really want and would be happy about. 825 00:39:55,990 --> 00:39:57,070 I think so. 826 00:39:59,240 --> 00:40:00,660 I think I might. 827 00:40:04,410 --> 00:40:05,860 Ava will be thrilled. 828 00:40:06,610 --> 00:40:08,740 - Yeah. 829 00:40:09,860 --> 00:40:10,860 And your parents. 830 00:40:10,950 --> 00:40:13,570 Oh, God. Yeah. Yeah. 831 00:40:19,110 --> 00:40:20,990 So, are we going for this? Oh, my God. 832 00:40:21,070 --> 00:40:22,820 Um...yeah? 833 00:40:22,910 --> 00:40:25,160 - Yeah. - Yeah. Come here. 834 00:40:25,240 --> 00:40:27,070 -Okay. -Come here. 835 00:40:32,410 --> 00:40:33,490 You okay? 836 00:40:37,160 --> 00:40:38,410 Here. 837 00:40:50,610 --> 00:40:52,360 Don't... 838 00:40:53,110 --> 00:40:54,360 Don't look at me like that. 839 00:40:54,450 --> 00:40:55,910 This is-- this doesn't mean anything. 840 00:40:56,030 --> 00:40:57,280 - Right. 841 00:40:57,360 --> 00:40:59,820 -It only means you're panicking. -It doesn't mean I'm panicking. 842 00:40:59,910 --> 00:41:02,410 -I had a lot to drink. -Yeah, hmm. 843 00:41:02,490 --> 00:41:04,820 But you know what, even if I was panicking, so what? 844 00:41:04,910 --> 00:41:06,200 This is a really big deal, okay? 845 00:41:06,280 --> 00:41:08,280 This is irreversible, what we're talking about here. 846 00:41:08,360 --> 00:41:10,610 Mm-hmm. 847 00:41:11,280 --> 00:41:12,280 What? 848 00:41:15,490 --> 00:41:18,160 You know, it just sucks that neither one of us 849 00:41:18,240 --> 00:41:22,280 could be completely happy and confident about this-- 850 00:41:22,360 --> 00:41:24,860 Yeah, but-- that's because I see how ambivalent you are about it. 851 00:41:24,950 --> 00:41:27,360 - Well, yeah. Of course I'm ambivalent. Yeah. 852 00:41:27,450 --> 00:41:29,360 I mean, you remember those first two years with Ava? 853 00:41:29,450 --> 00:41:30,990 -Yeah. -Thinking about jumping back 854 00:41:31,070 --> 00:41:32,160 into that nightmare. 855 00:41:32,240 --> 00:41:33,860 Yeah. I was there too. I remember. 856 00:41:33,950 --> 00:41:36,660 I know you were. I know you've been an amazing partner, 857 00:41:36,740 --> 00:41:38,200 but you don't-- you couldn't, like-- 858 00:41:38,280 --> 00:41:39,410 I couldn't-- I couldn't be 859 00:41:39,490 --> 00:41:40,610 -where you were. -No, you could not. 860 00:41:40,700 --> 00:41:42,320 I couldn't be in your place. I know. 861 00:41:42,410 --> 00:41:43,490 You tried and... 862 00:41:44,490 --> 00:41:45,660 But you couldn't. 863 00:41:47,780 --> 00:41:50,030 I took that out on you. I took it-- 864 00:41:50,110 --> 00:41:52,740 I was just awful to you. I was awful. 865 00:41:52,820 --> 00:41:54,820 We-- we talked about it, 866 00:41:54,910 --> 00:41:56,570 and I understood where that came from. 867 00:41:56,660 --> 00:41:57,950 -You know? -I know you understood, 868 00:41:58,030 --> 00:42:00,110 but you were also hurt. 869 00:42:01,160 --> 00:42:03,490 That's why you become distant, and I hated you 870 00:42:03,570 --> 00:42:06,160 for being distant, and I hated myself even more for... 871 00:42:06,820 --> 00:42:08,530 being so shitty to you. 872 00:42:10,740 --> 00:42:13,490 -I felt like a terrible mom. -Oh, sweetie, I... 873 00:42:14,820 --> 00:42:16,660 That was a nightmare for you. 874 00:42:16,740 --> 00:42:18,410 It was a nightmare for both of us. 875 00:42:18,490 --> 00:42:19,530 Yeah. 876 00:42:21,030 --> 00:42:23,860 And it took so long to, like... 877 00:42:23,950 --> 00:42:26,030 feel like myself again, you know? 878 00:42:26,110 --> 00:42:27,860 And now we're good, and... 879 00:42:28,780 --> 00:42:30,570 And Ava's so good, and... 880 00:42:30,660 --> 00:42:32,450 Especially when she's with you, she's-- 881 00:42:32,530 --> 00:42:35,070 -Aw, come on. -Kidding. 882 00:42:38,910 --> 00:42:40,660 It's just like I finally... 883 00:42:42,200 --> 00:42:45,320 returned to my life. 884 00:42:49,030 --> 00:42:50,860 I feel so guilty about what I'm saying. 885 00:42:50,950 --> 00:42:52,610 Sweetie, you shouldn't feel guilty. 886 00:42:52,700 --> 00:42:54,360 It makes perfect sense, you know? 887 00:42:54,450 --> 00:42:56,030 Yeah. 888 00:42:58,700 --> 00:43:01,110 It's like, um... 889 00:43:01,200 --> 00:43:04,410 all of a sudden, everything is unreal. 890 00:43:06,200 --> 00:43:07,860 Everything that we had, 891 00:43:08,950 --> 00:43:10,280 you, you're not real. 892 00:43:10,360 --> 00:43:12,990 Ava isn't. It's just-- it's this thing. 893 00:43:13,070 --> 00:43:16,450 It's this pregnancy. It's the only thing that's real. 894 00:43:16,530 --> 00:43:19,240 -It's... -Hey, Mira. 895 00:43:20,240 --> 00:43:21,200 Yeah. 896 00:43:21,280 --> 00:43:23,030 -Babe. -What? 897 00:43:27,740 --> 00:43:29,990 Mm. 898 00:43:30,070 --> 00:43:32,320 It's painful wanting something and not wanting it 899 00:43:32,410 --> 00:43:34,320 at the same time. You know? 900 00:43:34,410 --> 00:43:36,910 Yeah, yeah. 901 00:43:38,700 --> 00:43:40,360 But think about it. 902 00:43:41,990 --> 00:43:45,030 -Yeah. -When Ava was a baby, we had no perspective at all. 903 00:43:45,110 --> 00:43:46,860 We thought it was gonna be like that forever. 904 00:43:46,950 --> 00:43:49,160 -Right. -And now we see that it passes, right? 905 00:43:50,110 --> 00:43:53,030 --It gets better. Right? 906 00:43:53,110 --> 00:43:54,950 -That's true. -Yeah. 907 00:43:58,820 --> 00:44:01,700 You know, Ava's totally obsessed with having a little sister. 908 00:44:01,780 --> 00:44:03,410 -Yeah. -If it's.... 909 00:44:03,490 --> 00:44:04,780 a boy, that'll be rough. 910 00:44:04,860 --> 00:44:07,240 Well, it'll have to be a girl then. 911 00:44:07,320 --> 00:44:09,320 We'll raise it a girl, regardless. 912 00:44:16,910 --> 00:44:19,070 Either way, they're gonna want their own rooms eventually. 913 00:44:19,160 --> 00:44:20,240 Mm-hmm. 914 00:44:20,320 --> 00:44:21,990 But it should be a pretty easy renovation, you know, 915 00:44:22,070 --> 00:44:24,820 to divide Ava's room in half. 916 00:44:26,360 --> 00:44:29,240 We'll have to steal a little square footage from the hallway, 917 00:44:29,320 --> 00:44:31,030 put up a little drywall, right? 918 00:44:31,110 --> 00:44:32,160 Sure. 919 00:44:37,030 --> 00:44:39,070 I love you. You know that, right? 920 00:44:39,160 --> 00:44:40,320 Yes, I do. 921 00:45:28,530 --> 00:45:31,490 - Yup, come in. - Hi? Sorry. Am I late? I'm late. 922 00:45:31,570 --> 00:45:34,240 It's fine. We just, uh-- we're just starting out. 923 00:45:34,320 --> 00:45:36,030 - Sorry. Sorry. - Yeah, no problem. 924 00:45:36,110 --> 00:45:38,610 -Nice... nice to see you. -Good to see you. 925 00:45:38,700 --> 00:45:40,450 So, I was just starting to explain 926 00:45:40,530 --> 00:45:42,410 -the procedure to Mira. -Great. 927 00:45:44,200 --> 00:45:47,410 As I said, you'll take the mifepristone here today, 928 00:45:47,490 --> 00:45:48,860 and that blocks your progesterone, 929 00:45:48,950 --> 00:45:50,610 effectively ending the pregnancy. 930 00:45:50,700 --> 00:45:53,450 And then I'll send you home with four pills of misoprostol, 931 00:45:53,530 --> 00:45:55,240 and that'll bring on contractions. 932 00:45:55,320 --> 00:45:58,700 Mm-hmm. - So that can be not so fun. 933 00:45:58,780 --> 00:46:01,320 You'll have cramping and heavy bleeding. 934 00:46:01,410 --> 00:46:03,450 You'll pass some large clots, 935 00:46:03,530 --> 00:46:05,450 and you might have nausea, 936 00:46:05,530 --> 00:46:09,450 vomiting, diarrhea, dizziness, and in rare cases, fever. 937 00:46:10,160 --> 00:46:12,740 It's like a stomach virus. 938 00:46:14,410 --> 00:46:15,820 Great. 939 00:46:15,910 --> 00:46:17,240 So that's all normal. 940 00:46:17,320 --> 00:46:20,240 But if you have any side effects that worry you, just call. 941 00:46:21,780 --> 00:46:24,030 Does it still seem like what you wanna do? 942 00:46:26,530 --> 00:46:27,990 Yeah. 943 00:46:28,070 --> 00:46:29,320 While you're here, 944 00:46:29,410 --> 00:46:31,360 do you wanna talk about contraception, 945 00:46:31,450 --> 00:46:33,660 since the pill wasn't your friend this time? 946 00:46:33,740 --> 00:46:35,490 Yeah, I was just saying to Jonathan 947 00:46:35,570 --> 00:46:37,360 that I was amazed that, um, 948 00:46:37,450 --> 00:46:39,490 could still have an accident at my age. 949 00:46:40,110 --> 00:46:41,860 You'll be... 950 00:46:41,950 --> 00:46:44,030 -40 in November, right? -Mm-hmm. 951 00:46:44,110 --> 00:46:45,450 Yeah. That's gonna keep 952 00:46:45,530 --> 00:46:47,280 - getting less likely. - Yeah, totally. 953 00:46:47,360 --> 00:46:48,610 But in the meantime-- 954 00:46:48,700 --> 00:46:50,360 So there are a bunch of long-term options. 955 00:46:50,450 --> 00:46:52,320 There's Implanon, which is an arm insert. 956 00:46:52,410 --> 00:46:53,990 -I could place that here today. -Mm-hmm. 957 00:46:54,070 --> 00:46:56,160 And there are IUDs, the ParaGard, 958 00:46:56,240 --> 00:46:57,910 which is plain copper, 959 00:46:57,990 --> 00:46:59,110 or the Mirena, 960 00:46:59,200 --> 00:47:01,410 which is very popular, it's a hormone-releasing IUD. 961 00:47:02,280 --> 00:47:03,530 Maybe the copper one. 962 00:47:03,610 --> 00:47:05,200 It would be nice to give my body a break 963 00:47:05,280 --> 00:47:06,780 - from all those hormones. - Mm-hmm. 964 00:47:06,860 --> 00:47:08,860 Yeah. Well, I can place that at your follow-up. 965 00:47:08,950 --> 00:47:11,410 -And, uh, you can think about it a little more. -Okay. 966 00:47:11,490 --> 00:47:14,320 For now, just throw out your current package of pills 967 00:47:14,410 --> 00:47:16,200 and start a new one tomorrow. 968 00:47:16,280 --> 00:47:17,660 -Okay? -Yeah. 969 00:47:18,610 --> 00:47:20,320 Any questions? 970 00:47:21,450 --> 00:47:22,450 Nope. 971 00:47:22,530 --> 00:47:24,660 Okay. I'm gonna go get the medicine. 972 00:47:24,740 --> 00:47:25,780 Okay. 973 00:47:31,030 --> 00:47:32,860 She has to warn us about the symptoms, 974 00:47:32,950 --> 00:47:35,200 but it's, uh, it's the simplest procedure. 975 00:47:35,280 --> 00:47:37,110 Yeah. Yeah. No, I know. I know. 976 00:47:40,610 --> 00:47:42,610 I'm gonna get us something to drink. 977 00:47:42,700 --> 00:47:43,660 Diet Coke, is that good? 978 00:47:43,740 --> 00:47:45,240 No, I don't need-- I don't need anything. 979 00:47:45,320 --> 00:47:46,950 No, I'll get us one. There's a vending machine 980 00:47:47,030 --> 00:47:48,240 right outside the door. 981 00:47:48,320 --> 00:47:51,160 Um, yeah. I'll be right back, okay? 982 00:47:51,660 --> 00:47:53,030 Uh, fine. 983 00:48:29,820 --> 00:48:31,820 Hey? I'll be right there. 984 00:48:31,910 --> 00:48:32,910 Okay. 985 00:48:45,530 --> 00:48:48,450 Hey. So, they only had Pepsi. 986 00:48:48,530 --> 00:48:49,530 -Is that okay? -That's fine. 987 00:48:49,610 --> 00:48:50,860 - It's all right? - Mm-hmm. 988 00:48:50,950 --> 00:48:52,280 I'm sure there's, like, a cup 989 00:48:52,360 --> 00:48:53,910 around here somewhere. 990 00:48:53,990 --> 00:48:56,320 No, it's fine. I'll just drink it straight from the can. 991 00:48:56,410 --> 00:48:58,200 I'm sure there's something. Maybe here. 992 00:48:58,280 --> 00:48:59,280 Jonathan. 993 00:48:59,360 --> 00:49:00,820 Oh, I think there's something here. 994 00:49:00,910 --> 00:49:02,160 Come here for a second. 995 00:49:02,240 --> 00:49:03,780 Oh, fuck, it's a urine sample cup. 996 00:49:03,860 --> 00:49:06,240 Okay. Come over here. Sit down for a second. 997 00:49:13,280 --> 00:49:14,450 Look at me. 998 00:49:20,320 --> 00:49:21,450 Are you okay? 999 00:49:21,530 --> 00:49:23,990 -Yeah. -Are you mad? 1000 00:49:24,070 --> 00:49:26,570 Am I mad? No. Why would I be mad? 1001 00:49:27,490 --> 00:49:28,950 Are you having second thoughts? 1002 00:49:30,200 --> 00:49:31,160 No. 1003 00:49:31,240 --> 00:49:32,990 - No? - No, no, no, no. I... 1004 00:49:37,780 --> 00:49:39,280 -I don't-- -I'm just-- 1005 00:49:39,360 --> 00:49:41,030 I don't why I'm feeling like this. 1006 00:49:41,110 --> 00:49:42,780 I didn't expect to feel like that. 1007 00:49:43,450 --> 00:49:44,860 No, it's okay, honey. 1008 00:49:44,950 --> 00:49:47,110 - It's fine. - Yeah. 1009 00:49:47,200 --> 00:49:49,700 You know, I'm-- it's not easy for me either. 1010 00:49:49,780 --> 00:49:52,200 No, no, no, no, no. Of course. Of course. Uh... 1011 00:49:52,280 --> 00:49:54,950 Sorry, I'm not, um, trying to make-- No, yeah. 1012 00:49:55,030 --> 00:49:59,200 I know you-- you're the one that has to-- has to go through it. 1013 00:50:03,360 --> 00:50:06,490 We're making the right decision here. 1014 00:50:07,820 --> 00:50:09,820 We talked about it. 1015 00:50:09,910 --> 00:50:12,740 I don't think there's a single angle that we haven't covered 1016 00:50:12,820 --> 00:50:14,990 over the last ten days. 1017 00:50:15,070 --> 00:50:16,990 Yeah, I don't-- I don't think there is. 1018 00:50:18,070 --> 00:50:19,160 Yeah. 1019 00:50:29,490 --> 00:50:30,700 You know, I was thinking 1020 00:50:30,780 --> 00:50:33,360 we could still go ahead with the renovation. 1021 00:50:33,450 --> 00:50:34,820 -You know? Like-- -No. 1022 00:50:34,910 --> 00:50:38,660 Yeah. Like, we can move Ava's play area into her room 1023 00:50:38,740 --> 00:50:41,610 and, you know, make your study back the way that it was before. 1024 00:50:41,700 --> 00:50:42,610 That's never gonna work. 1025 00:50:42,700 --> 00:50:43,950 She's gonna reclaim it within hours. 1026 00:50:44,030 --> 00:50:45,950 Well, then we use the attic. I mean, we always said that 1027 00:50:46,030 --> 00:50:47,490 we were gonna get to that eventually. 1028 00:50:47,570 --> 00:50:49,240 I'm okay. I'm good where my office is. 1029 00:50:49,320 --> 00:50:50,610 -I don't need-- -Well, I have a vision. 1030 00:50:50,700 --> 00:50:52,780 - Just, you know, leave it to me. - Okay, okay. Okay. 1031 00:50:52,860 --> 00:50:55,360 -You're gonna thank me. -Okay. Okay. 1032 00:50:56,450 --> 00:50:58,070 - Oh. 1033 00:50:58,160 --> 00:51:00,200 - Sorry about that. - It's okay. 1034 00:51:01,070 --> 00:51:04,030 - Here you go. - Thanks. 1035 00:51:27,740 --> 00:51:31,410 Okay. And here's the misoprostol 1036 00:51:32,410 --> 00:51:34,240 that you will take at home tomorrow. 1037 00:51:34,320 --> 00:51:35,530 Mm-hmm. 1038 00:51:35,610 --> 00:51:37,660 Take some ibuprofen about an hour before you put 1039 00:51:37,740 --> 00:51:39,740 the tablets in your cheek, okay? 1040 00:51:41,410 --> 00:51:42,490 All right. Here you go. 1041 00:51:42,570 --> 00:51:44,320 Mm-hmm. - See you in a couple weeks. 1042 00:51:44,410 --> 00:51:45,860 - Okay. - Thank you. 1043 00:51:47,490 --> 00:51:48,490 Oh. 1044 00:51:48,570 --> 00:51:50,280 -Are you okay? -Yeah. 1045 00:51:54,160 --> 00:51:55,990 I feel a little nauseous. 1046 00:51:56,070 --> 00:51:57,610 I'm fine. It's fine. 1047 00:51:57,700 --> 00:52:00,860 I'm sure, um, it's just the power of suggestion. 1048 00:52:00,950 --> 00:52:04,030 Just rest until it passes, okay? 1049 00:52:04,110 --> 00:52:07,410 If you do vomit, you'll have to take the medicine again. 1050 00:52:08,450 --> 00:52:11,660 I'll ask the nurse to check in on you in a bit. 1051 00:52:11,740 --> 00:52:14,320 - Okay. Feel better. - Hmm. 1052 00:52:20,780 --> 00:52:22,450 -You okay? -Mm-mm. 1053 00:52:23,950 --> 00:52:24,950 Okay. 1054 00:52:35,570 --> 00:52:37,110 I feel awful. 1055 00:52:40,660 --> 00:52:42,570 I'm sure you'll feel better tomorrow. 1056 00:52:48,410 --> 00:52:49,910 Why don't you go home to Ava? 1057 00:52:49,990 --> 00:52:52,410 - I'll take a car home. - No, no. No way. 1058 00:52:52,490 --> 00:52:53,820 I'm staying here. 1059 00:52:53,910 --> 00:52:56,320 -Veronica's with Ava. She's-- -Jonathan, I-- 1060 00:52:56,820 --> 00:52:58,740 What? 1061 00:52:58,820 --> 00:53:02,280 I'd like to be alone for a little bit. Is that okay? 1062 00:53:03,660 --> 00:53:04,860 - Yeah. - Yeah? 1063 00:53:04,950 --> 00:53:07,070 Of course. Of course. 1064 00:53:07,160 --> 00:53:09,200 Here, I'll leave this right here, okay? 1065 00:53:09,280 --> 00:53:10,360 Yup. You're not-- 1066 00:53:10,450 --> 00:53:11,910 -You're sure it's fine? -Yes, of course, sweetie. 1067 00:53:11,990 --> 00:53:14,610 It's fine. It's fine. I'm totally fine, yeah. 1068 00:53:14,700 --> 00:53:17,280 -I'll go do a little work in the waiting... -Mm-hmm. 1069 00:53:17,360 --> 00:53:19,030 ...room over there, okay? And you just come out 1070 00:53:19,110 --> 00:53:20,450 - whenever you're ready. - Yeah, just-- 1071 00:53:20,530 --> 00:53:22,160 -it won't be long. -Yeah. Take your time. 1072 00:53:22,240 --> 00:53:23,990 -I've got my phone, so... -Okay.