1 00:00:09,202 --> 00:00:10,018 RED vs. BLUE 2 00:01:21,744 --> 00:01:24,673 SEASON ONE 3 00:01:33,725 --> 00:01:34,225 Hey. 4 00:01:34,934 --> 00:01:35,171 Yeah? 5 00:01:35,398 --> 00:01:37,170 You ever wonder why we're here? 6 00:01:37,724 --> 00:01:38,724 It's one of life's great mysteries, isn't it. 7 00:01:38,737 --> 00:01:39,747 Why are we here? 8 00:01:42,302 --> 00:01:46,823 I mean, are we the product of... some cosmic coincidence or, is 9 00:01:46,824 --> 00:01:50,720 there really a God... watching everything? You know, with a plan 10 00:01:50,721 --> 00:01:55,326 for us and stuff. I don't know man, but it keeps me up at night. 11 00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:57,516 ... 12 00:01:57,742 --> 00:01:59,330 ... 13 00:01:59,791 --> 00:02:02,107 What? I meant why are we out here, in this canyon? 14 00:02:02,524 --> 00:02:05,525 Oh, uh... yeah. 15 00:02:06,124 --> 00:02:07,485 What was all that stuff about God? 16 00:02:07,681 --> 00:02:09,637 Uh... hm? Nothing. 17 00:02:09,839 --> 00:02:11,682 You wanna talk about it? 18 00:02:11,775 --> 00:02:12,275 No 19 00:02:12,507 --> 00:02:13,202 You sure? 20 00:02:13,742 --> 00:02:14,242 Yeah. 21 00:02:14,954 --> 00:02:17,919 Seriously though, why are we out here? Far as I can tell, it's 22 00:02:17,945 --> 00:02:21,097 just a box canyon in the middle of nowhere, with no way in or out. 23 00:02:21,495 --> 00:02:21,995 Mhm. 24 00:02:22,264 --> 00:02:24,209 And the only reason that we set up a red base here, 25 00:02:24,222 --> 00:02:26,178 is because they have a blue base over there. 26 00:02:26,204 --> 00:02:27,988 And the only reason they have a blue base over 27 00:02:28,001 --> 00:02:29,795 there is because we have a red base here. 28 00:02:30,033 --> 00:02:32,028 Yeah, that's because we're fighting each other. 29 00:02:32,514 --> 00:02:36,355 No no, but I mean, even if we were to pull out today, and they were to come take our 30 00:02:36,381 --> 00:02:38,267 base, they would have two bases in the 31 00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:40,176 middle of a box canyon. Whoop de fucking do! 32 00:02:40,477 --> 00:02:42,678 What's up with that anyway? I mean, I signed on to fight 33 00:02:42,695 --> 00:02:44,615 some aliens. Next thing I know Master Chief blows 34 00:02:44,618 --> 00:02:46,579 up the whole Covenant armada, and I'm stuck in the 35 00:02:46,605 --> 00:02:50,732 middle of nowhere, fighting a bunch of blue guys. 36 00:02:54,445 --> 00:02:55,247 What're they doing? 37 00:02:55,857 --> 00:02:56,668 What? 38 00:02:57,353 --> 00:02:58,564 I said what're they doing now? 39 00:02:58,890 --> 00:03:01,933 God damn, I'm getting so sick of answering that question! 40 00:03:02,171 --> 00:03:04,314 Hey you have the fucking rifle, I can't see shit. Don't bitch at 41 00:03:04,315 --> 00:03:06,370 me because I'm not going to just sit up here and play with my dick 42 00:03:06,815 --> 00:03:10,632 Okay, okay look: They're just standing there, and talking, okay? 43 00:03:11,629 --> 00:03:12,683 That's all they're doing. That's all 44 00:03:12,684 --> 00:03:15,505 they ever do, is just stand there and talk. 45 00:03:15,506 --> 00:03:18,121 That's what they were doing last week, that's what they 46 00:03:18,122 --> 00:03:19,966 were doing when you asked me five minutes ago. 47 00:03:20,114 --> 00:03:23,930 So five minutes from now, when you ask me "What're they 48 00:03:23,931 --> 00:03:27,310 doing?" my answer's gonna be "They're still just 49 00:03:27,311 --> 00:03:29,921 talking, and they're still just standing there!" 50 00:03:31,501 --> 00:03:34,524 ...What're they talking about? 51 00:03:35,622 --> 00:03:38,981 You know what? I fucking hate you. 52 00:03:39,740 --> 00:03:42,914 Talk about a waste of resources. I mean, we should be out there 53 00:03:42,940 --> 00:03:46,163 finding new and intelligent forms of life. You know, fight them. 54 00:03:46,317 --> 00:03:48,932 Yeah, no shit. That's why they should put us in charge. 55 00:03:49,205 --> 00:03:51,801 Ladies! Front and center, on the double! 56 00:03:52,364 --> 00:03:53,370 Fuck 57 00:03:53,537 --> 00:03:54,037 Yes sir! 58 00:03:54,593 --> 00:03:57,965 Hurry up ladies, this ain't no ice cream social! 59 00:03:58,433 --> 00:03:59,843 Ice cream social? 60 00:04:00,358 --> 00:04:08,329 Stop the pillow-talk you two. Anyone want to guess, why I gathered you here, today? 61 00:04:09,147 --> 00:04:11,805 Um, is it because the war's over and you're sending us home? 62 00:04:12,323 --> 00:04:16,295 That's exactly it, private. War's over. We won. 63 00:04:16,308 --> 00:04:20,291 Turns out you're the big hero, and we're gonna 64 00:04:20,292 --> 00:04:24,097 hold a parade in your honor. I get to drive the 65 00:04:24,123 --> 00:04:28,165 float, and Simmons here, is in charge of CONFETTI 66 00:04:28,746 --> 00:04:30,148 I'm no stranger to sarcasm, sir. 67 00:04:30,633 --> 00:04:33,449 God dammit private, shut your mouth or else I'll 68 00:04:33,462 --> 00:04:36,288 have Simmons slit your throat while you're asleep! 69 00:04:36,519 --> 00:04:38,028 Oh, I'd do it too. 70 00:04:38,232 --> 00:04:44,566 I know you would Simmons... good man. Couple of things today, ladies: 71 00:04:44,567 --> 00:04:49,538 Command has seen fit to increase our ranks here at Blood Gulch Outpost Number 1. 72 00:04:50,135 --> 00:04:52,119 Crap, we're getting a rookie. 73 00:04:52,740 --> 00:04:58,780 That's right dead man. Our new recruit will be here within the week. But today, we 74 00:04:58,781 --> 00:05:02,328 received the first part of our shipment from Command. 75 00:05:02,341 --> 00:05:05,898 Lopez... bring up the vehicle. 76 00:05:10,327 --> 00:05:10,748 Shotgun! 77 00:05:10,749 --> 00:05:11,823 Shotgun! Fuck! 78 00:05:12,488 --> 00:05:16,554 May I introduce, our new light reconnaissance vehicle. It has 79 00:05:16,580 --> 00:05:21,832 four inch armor plating, maaag buffer suspension, a mounted 80 00:05:21,833 --> 00:05:25,624 machine gunner position, and total seating for three. 81 00:05:25,650 --> 00:05:33,309 Gentlemen, this is the M12-LRV! I like to call it the Warthog. 82 00:05:34,013 --> 00:05:35,128 Why 'Warthog' sir? 83 00:05:35,516 --> 00:05:39,938 Because M12-LRV is too hard to say in conversation, son. 84 00:05:40,545 --> 00:05:44,787 No, but... why 'Warthog'? I mean, it doesn't really look like a pig... 85 00:05:45,407 --> 00:05:46,262 Say that again? 86 00:05:46,630 --> 00:05:48,109 I think it looks more like a puma. 87 00:05:48,842 --> 00:05:50,134 What in sam hell is a puma? 88 00:05:50,770 --> 00:05:52,250 Uh... you mean like the shoe company? 89 00:05:52,801 --> 00:05:56,207 No, like a puma. It's a big cat. Like a lion. 90 00:05:57,010 --> 00:05:58,087 You're making that up. 91 00:05:58,626 --> 00:06:00,264 I'm telling you, it's a real animal! 92 00:06:00,856 --> 00:06:03,604 Simmons, I want you to poison Grif's next meal. 93 00:06:04,085 --> 00:06:04,585 Yes sir! 94 00:06:04,926 --> 00:06:08,914 Look, see these two tow hooks? They look like tusks. 95 00:06:08,927 --> 00:06:12,926 And what kind of animal has tusks? 96 00:06:13,537 --> 00:06:14,557 A walrus. 97 00:06:15,272 --> 00:06:17,498 Didn't I just tell you to stop making up animals? 98 00:06:20,179 --> 00:06:21,193 What is that thing? 99 00:06:21,577 --> 00:06:24,058 I don't know, but it looks like uh... looks like they got some 100 00:06:24,084 --> 00:06:26,682 kinda car down there. We'd better get back to base and report it. 101 00:06:26,867 --> 00:06:28,199 A car? How come they get a car? 102 00:06:28,574 --> 00:06:32,858 What are you complaining about man? We're about to get a tank in the very next drop. 103 00:06:33,286 --> 00:06:34,686 You can't pick up chicks in a tank. 104 00:06:35,641 --> 00:06:38,771 Oh, you know what, you could bitch about anything, couldn't you. 105 00:06:38,797 --> 00:06:41,540 We're gonna get a tank, and you're worried about chicks. 106 00:06:42,121 --> 00:06:45,125 What chicks are we gonna pick up man!? For in.., and secondly, how 107 00:06:45,138 --> 00:06:48,152 are we gonna pick up chicks in a car that looks like that? 108 00:06:48,686 --> 00:06:49,878 Well what kind of car is it? 109 00:06:49,879 --> 00:06:52,456 I don't know, I've never seen a car that looks like that 110 00:06:52,469 --> 00:06:55,056 before, it looks like a uh... like a big cat of some kind. 111 00:06:57,241 --> 00:06:58,133 ...what, like a puma? 112 00:06:58,364 --> 00:06:58,850 Yeah man, there ya go. 113 00:06:58,851 --> 00:07:03,019 So unless anybody else has any more mythical creatures to suggest as a name 114 00:07:03,485 --> 00:07:09,316 for the new vehicle, we're gonna stick with 'the Warthog'. How about it Grif? 115 00:07:09,751 --> 00:07:11,493 No sir, no more suggestions. 116 00:07:11,494 --> 00:07:14,069 Are you sure? How 'bout Bigfoot? 117 00:07:14,340 --> 00:07:14,929 That's okay. 118 00:07:15,371 --> 00:07:15,871 Unicorn? 119 00:07:16,135 --> 00:07:18,303 No really, I'm... I'm cool. 120 00:07:18,591 --> 00:07:19,188 Sasquatch? 121 00:07:19,581 --> 00:07:20,453 Leprechaun? 122 00:07:20,454 --> 00:07:22,055 Hey, he doesn't need any help man... 123 00:07:22,736 --> 00:07:23,376 Phoenix! 124 00:07:23,627 --> 00:07:25,247 Huh... Christ. 125 00:07:25,248 --> 00:07:29,494 Hey Simmons, what's the name of that Mexican lizard, eats all the goats? 126 00:07:29,854 --> 00:07:31,463 Uh, that would be the Chupacabra, sir! 127 00:07:31,589 --> 00:07:37,117 Hey Grif! Chupathingie, how 'bout that? I like it! Got a ring to it... 128 00:07:41,190 --> 00:07:42,670 Hey that's not exactly what happened. 129 00:07:42,758 --> 00:07:45,731 Yes it is. You said "I'm not going to the Vegas Quadrant," and 130 00:07:45,744 --> 00:07:48,728 then the next thing I know you're in an escape pod headed for- 131 00:07:48,729 --> 00:07:50,017 Excuse me uh, sirs. 132 00:07:50,495 --> 00:07:51,095 Sirs? 133 00:07:51,346 --> 00:07:52,059 Ah crap. 134 00:07:52,382 --> 00:07:54,236 I was told to report to Blood Gulch Outpost 135 00:07:54,249 --> 00:07:56,113 Number One and speak to whoever's in charge? 136 00:07:56,272 --> 00:07:58,182 Sorry man, Sarge is at Command getting orders. 137 00:07:58,195 --> 00:08:00,115 Ain't nobody in charge today. 138 00:08:00,294 --> 00:08:03,376 Actually private, he left me in charge while he's gone. 139 00:08:03,683 --> 00:08:05,330 You are such a kiss-ass. 140 00:08:05,495 --> 00:08:09,483 Also, he told me if I had any trouble from you I should... 141 00:08:09,496 --> 00:08:13,495 "Git in the Warthog, 'nd crush yer head like a tomato-can." 142 00:08:16,681 --> 00:08:18,772 That's the worst impression I've ever heard. 143 00:08:19,015 --> 00:08:20,881 Okay rookie, what's your story? 144 00:08:21,042 --> 00:08:24,381 Private Donut reporting for duty, sir. I'm ready to fight some aliens. 145 00:08:24,852 --> 00:08:28,380 Couple things here, rookie. First off, private Donut? I think 146 00:08:28,393 --> 00:08:31,932 somebody needs a new nickname. Secondly, what's with the armor color? 147 00:08:32,338 --> 00:08:33,991 This is the standard issue red. 148 00:08:34,170 --> 00:08:36,102 Yeah, I know. Listen. 149 00:08:36,128 --> 00:08:39,468 Only two kinds of people wear standard issue armor: officers and recruits. 150 00:08:39,468 --> 00:08:43,416 And since you're not threatening to gut me like a fish, you're probably not an officer. 151 00:08:43,416 --> 00:08:44,940 Well, he's wearing red armor... 152 00:08:45,313 --> 00:08:49,469 No, my armor is maroon. Your armor is red. 153 00:08:49,470 --> 00:08:51,190 Well, how do I get a different color armor? 154 00:08:51,752 --> 00:08:54,165 I bet the blues don't have to put up with this kind of crap. 155 00:08:55,124 --> 00:08:59,062 So I say to the guy, "how're you gonna get the tank down to 156 00:08:59,075 --> 00:09:03,023 the planet?" And he goes, "I'll just put it on the ship" 157 00:09:03,024 --> 00:09:07,012 and I go, "if you've got a ship that can carry a tank, 158 00:09:07,025 --> 00:09:11,024 why not just put guns on the ship and use it instead?" 159 00:09:11,888 --> 00:09:13,118 Hey kid. 160 00:09:13,119 --> 00:09:15,555 You're ruining the moment. Shut up. 161 00:09:15,731 --> 00:09:19,300 Oh. Okay. You got it man! 162 00:09:19,990 --> 00:09:24,491 You know what? I could blow up the whole God damn world with this thing. 163 00:09:25,389 --> 00:09:27,556 Okay, Private Donut, here's the deal. 164 00:09:27,557 --> 00:09:30,428 I just refuse to call him Private Donut! 165 00:09:30,429 --> 00:09:33,962 We've got a very important mission for you. You think you can handle it? 166 00:09:33,963 --> 00:09:34,778 Absolutely! 167 00:09:34,966 --> 00:09:38,804 We need you to go to the store, and get two quarts of Elbow Grease. 168 00:09:39,536 --> 00:09:42,940 Yeah and um, pick up some Headlight Fluid for the Puma too. 169 00:09:43,271 --> 00:09:44,054 The what? 170 00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:45,120 He means the Warthog. 171 00:09:45,230 --> 00:09:47,284 You do know where the store is, right rookie? 172 00:09:47,427 --> 00:09:51,383 What? Yeah, yeah, of course I do. Sure, no problem. 173 00:09:51,498 --> 00:09:53,138 Well, get going then. 174 00:09:55,236 --> 00:09:56,114 Other way. 175 00:09:56,115 --> 00:09:58,269 I knew that. Just, got turned around, that's all. 176 00:10:01,362 --> 00:10:03,722 How long do you think until he figures out there's no store? 177 00:10:03,931 --> 00:10:05,274 I say, at least a week. 178 00:10:08,085 --> 00:10:11,294 Elbow Grease, how stupid do they think I am? Once I get back to 179 00:10:11,307 --> 00:10:14,526 base with that Headlight Fluid, I'm gonna talk to the Sargeant. 180 00:10:14,849 --> 00:10:18,264 You know what? Forget what I said before. We can definitely pick 181 00:10:18,277 --> 00:10:21,703 up chicks in this thing. Probably two or three chicks a piece. 182 00:10:22,297 --> 00:10:26,179 Oh man, listen to you. What're you gonna do with two chicks? 183 00:10:26,416 --> 00:10:30,492 Church, women are like Voltron. The more you can hook up, the better it gets. 184 00:10:31,175 --> 00:10:32,919 You think that we were too mean to the kid? 185 00:10:33,481 --> 00:10:35,369 Nah, he'll just wander around on the cliffs for a few hours. 186 00:10:35,382 --> 00:10:37,281 What's the worst that could happen? 187 00:10:37,989 --> 00:10:42,089 Finally, there it is. OH SWEET, THEY SELL TANKS! 188 00:10:42,779 --> 00:10:45,018 Yeah I'll let you in on a little secret, I've uh... 189 00:10:45,031 --> 00:10:47,280 I've actually got a girl back home. 190 00:10:47,740 --> 00:10:49,251 Oh yeah? Girlfriend or wife? 191 00:10:49,341 --> 00:10:53,279 No, man, she's just my girlfriend, ya know? We were gonna get 192 00:10:53,292 --> 00:10:57,241 married, but I got shipped out, and... ah, you know how it works. 193 00:10:57,332 --> 00:10:59,632 Oh, well, you gonna marry her when you get back? 194 00:10:59,690 --> 00:11:02,458 I'm not gonna get married. My dad always said 195 00:11:02,471 --> 00:11:05,250 "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" 196 00:11:05,352 --> 00:11:09,660 Hey rookie... did you just call my girlfriend a cow? 197 00:11:09,661 --> 00:11:11,320 No, I think he called her a slut! 198 00:11:11,574 --> 00:11:15,744 I'll tell you what newb, I could sit out here and listen to you insult my girlfriend 199 00:11:15,745 --> 00:11:20,853 all day long, but as it turns out, I got a lot more important job for you to do. 200 00:11:20,979 --> 00:11:21,650 Great. 201 00:11:21,651 --> 00:11:23,903 See, we've got this General. 202 00:11:23,904 --> 00:11:25,995 Right, the general guy. 203 00:11:26,166 --> 00:11:29,634 Who likes to come by and make random inspections of bases. 204 00:11:29,647 --> 00:11:33,126 So what I'm gonna have you do, is I'm gonna have 205 00:11:33,127 --> 00:11:35,401 you go in the base, and stand right next to the flag 206 00:11:35,402 --> 00:11:38,123 at attention, just in case he decides to come by. 207 00:11:38,350 --> 00:11:39,786 When is he coming by? 208 00:11:39,787 --> 00:11:43,246 We never know. Could be today, could be a week from now. 209 00:11:43,344 --> 00:11:45,815 You want me to stand at attention for a week? 210 00:11:46,020 --> 00:11:49,530 You know, you don't sound very grateful. This is the most important 211 00:11:49,531 --> 00:11:53,051 job at the whole base. You're gonna be right there with the flag. 212 00:11:53,552 --> 00:11:55,405 What's so important about the flag? 213 00:11:55,500 --> 00:11:59,094 Oh, come on, don't they teach you guys anything in training? 214 00:11:59,246 --> 00:12:03,069 They didn't tell us anything about a flag. Why is it so important? 215 00:12:03,163 --> 00:12:05,412 Because it's the flag, man, you know, it's the f... 216 00:12:05,425 --> 00:12:07,685 it's the flag, it's... 217 00:12:07,686 --> 00:12:11,252 Tucker, you tell him why the flag is so important. 218 00:12:11,327 --> 00:12:18,513 Well, it's... it's complicated. Wuh... It's blue, we're blue 219 00:12:18,802 --> 00:12:23,250 It's just important, okay, trust us. So when the General comes 220 00:12:23,251 --> 00:12:25,896 by, the first thing he's gonna want to do is inspect the flag. 221 00:12:26,195 --> 00:12:26,811 Right. 222 00:12:26,952 --> 00:12:32,851 So just go in there, you know, far away from us, and wait for him. 223 00:12:35,655 --> 00:12:37,263 Uh how will I know when I see him? 224 00:12:37,494 --> 00:12:39,834 There's only three of us out here, rookie. He's 225 00:12:39,835 --> 00:12:41,880 gonna be the guy that doesn't look like one of us. 226 00:12:42,269 --> 00:12:44,248 Now get in there, and don't come out! 227 00:12:45,551 --> 00:12:47,926 Man, that guy is dumber than you are. 228 00:12:48,066 --> 00:12:50,485 You mean he's dumber than you are. 229 00:12:50,585 --> 00:12:53,860 Wow, Tucker, that was a great come-back. 230 00:12:54,502 --> 00:12:56,845 Uh, mister Church? Sir? 231 00:12:57,235 --> 00:13:01,358 Oh my God, WHAT!? Tucker, I swear, I'm gonna kill him! 232 00:13:01,532 --> 00:13:04,504 Sorry about calling your girl a slut... 233 00:13:04,747 --> 00:13:10,079 ROOKIE! SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP, YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY, GET IN THERE! 234 00:13:10,229 --> 00:13:11,873 Uh-huh huh huh huh 235 00:13:12,220 --> 00:13:14,001 Tucker, are you laughing at me? 236 00:13:14,049 --> 00:13:16,783 Excuse me, sir, can I ask you a question? 237 00:13:16,784 --> 00:13:23,421 Dear God in Heaven, rookie, if I turn around, and you are not inside, I... 238 00:13:23,735 --> 00:13:26,011 I can't be held responsible for what I'm gonna do to you! 239 00:13:26,150 --> 00:13:26,904 What did I do? 240 00:13:27,005 --> 00:13:27,505 One... 241 00:13:27,694 --> 00:13:28,764 Aw, gimme a break. 242 00:13:29,018 --> 00:13:29,638 TWO! 243 00:13:29,765 --> 00:13:30,433 Fine. 244 00:13:34,359 --> 00:13:36,197 Wow... you got here fast. 245 00:13:36,388 --> 00:13:39,148 Why is everyone so freakin' rude in this canyon. 246 00:13:39,286 --> 00:13:41,289 I'm not sir, what can I do for you? 247 00:13:41,437 --> 00:13:44,516 Finally, someone with a little respect around here. 248 00:13:44,596 --> 00:13:47,760 Yes Sir! I assume you're here because of this... 249 00:13:48,185 --> 00:13:50,305 Wait, is this all you have? 250 00:13:50,598 --> 00:13:52,204 Uh, yes sir, that's it! 251 00:13:52,605 --> 00:13:57,518 Aw man, this figures. Shit. What about Elbow Grease? 252 00:13:57,713 --> 00:13:58,555 Uhhmmmm... 253 00:13:58,749 --> 00:14:00,231 Headlight Fluid? 254 00:14:00,351 --> 00:14:02,559 No, all we have is this flag. 255 00:14:02,915 --> 00:14:06,300 Well, I can't go back empty handed... I guess I'll take that. 256 00:14:06,870 --> 00:14:10,538 Sure... that makes sense. I guess. 257 00:14:11,427 --> 00:14:15,350 Man, they're gonna give me so much shit for coming back with just this stupid flag. 258 00:14:15,351 --> 00:14:18,141 Well, enough gabbing out of us, let's take this bad 259 00:14:18,142 --> 00:14:20,635 boy out for a spin. Go ahead and hop in, Tucker. 260 00:14:20,780 --> 00:14:23,362 Me? I can't drive that thing. 261 00:14:23,459 --> 00:14:25,639 You're telling me you're not Armor Certified? 262 00:14:25,918 --> 00:14:28,808 I ca-I don't even know how to use the fucking sniper rifle. 263 00:14:28,997 --> 00:14:30,316 Don't you know how to drive that? 264 00:14:30,317 --> 00:14:35,006 No! Holy Crap! WHO IS RUNNING THIS ARMY!? 265 00:14:35,427 --> 00:14:42,313 Hey! Just wanted to let you know, the General stopped by, and picked up the flag! 266 00:14:42,536 --> 00:14:47,941 Yeah. Okay. Whatever moron! Why would they give us a tank, if nobody here 267 00:14:47,942 --> 00:14:53,106 knows how to drive the damn thing? ...wait a second... what did he just say? 268 00:14:56,042 --> 00:14:59,369 Let me get this straight... you gave this guy our flag. 269 00:14:59,925 --> 00:15:00,704 Is that bad? 270 00:15:00,705 --> 00:15:04,546 Bad? Oh no, that's not bad. Next time he comes over, why 271 00:15:04,547 --> 00:15:06,821 don't you just help him blow up the whole God damn base? 272 00:15:07,488 --> 00:15:08,395 There, there he is. 273 00:15:08,632 --> 00:15:15,690 Where... oh, yeah, oh, I got him. He's sneaking around back behind the cliffs. 274 00:15:15,948 --> 00:15:18,271 He must be one smart son of a bitch. 275 00:15:18,812 --> 00:15:23,645 Oh, man, I am so freakin' lost. Where the hell is the base? 276 00:15:23,646 --> 00:15:28,453 Oh, shit... Hey Tucker, look at his armor. It's Red. 277 00:15:28,972 --> 00:15:31,275 Oh man, that means it's their Sargeant. 278 00:15:31,510 --> 00:15:36,476 Well, that makes sense. At least now we know how he got by our defences. 279 00:15:36,852 --> 00:15:40,355 Uh you know, he came in the back door where you guys were standing. 280 00:15:40,356 --> 00:15:42,031 Yeah, okay, well let's take him out then. 281 00:15:42,370 --> 00:15:46,360 Roger that. Okay, say goodnight Sarge. 282 00:15:49,672 --> 00:15:50,911 Son of a bitch! 283 00:15:51,982 --> 00:15:52,946 Aw crap. 284 00:15:55,002 --> 00:15:55,844 ...what? 285 00:15:56,177 --> 00:15:59,661 You're really not very good with that thing, are you. 286 00:16:00,123 --> 00:16:05,309 Hey! It's me! Don't shoot! I'm the guy that bought the flag, remember!? 287 00:16:05,688 --> 00:16:09,445 Oh great, now he's taunting us. That's just embarassing. 288 00:16:09,446 --> 00:16:13,951 Alright, that's it, I've had it. Rookie, you stay here. Me and Tucker, 289 00:16:13,952 --> 00:16:16,775 we'll head through the teleporter, we'll cut him off at the pass. 290 00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:17,687 Right! 291 00:16:17,688 --> 00:16:19,592 Tucker, you ready? Let's go. 292 00:16:20,015 --> 00:16:22,497 There is no way I'm going through that thing. 293 00:16:22,678 --> 00:16:25,318 Tucker, we don't have time for this. Why would 294 00:16:25,319 --> 00:16:27,238 they give us a teleporter if it doesn't work? 295 00:16:27,343 --> 00:16:30,922 I don't know, why would they give us a tank that no one can drive? 296 00:16:31,081 --> 00:16:33,810 We already tested the teleporter, remember? 297 00:16:33,956 --> 00:16:35,662 We threw rocks through it! 298 00:16:35,803 --> 00:16:39,708 Yeah, and, so what? The rocks came out the other side, didn't they? 299 00:16:39,894 --> 00:16:43,201 Yeah, but they were all hot, and covered with black stuff. 300 00:16:43,615 --> 00:16:45,203 Oh, so I guess that's what this is all about 301 00:16:45,204 --> 00:16:47,571 then, you're afraid of a little black stuff. 302 00:16:47,572 --> 00:16:51,058 Yes. I am. I am afraid of black stuff. 303 00:16:51,135 --> 00:16:54,451 Tucker, I almost hate to do this to you. 304 00:16:54,614 --> 00:16:55,594 You wouldn't... 305 00:16:55,738 --> 00:16:59,703 You know, I look at it this way: either A, we go through there, and get the 306 00:16:59,704 --> 00:17:05,422 flag back, or B, we stay here, and I get to kill you. Either way, I win. 307 00:17:05,837 --> 00:17:08,787 For the record, I want you to know, rocks aren't people. 308 00:17:08,927 --> 00:17:11,602 Duly noted. Now get in there. 309 00:17:11,822 --> 00:17:17,519 Crap... Alright. One, two... 310 00:17:32,769 --> 00:17:35,610 ...Huh, he didn't come out the other side... 311 00:17:36,056 --> 00:17:40,731 Yeeeaaaahhhhh, I've uh, I've decided I'm not gonna use the teleporter. 312 00:17:42,917 --> 00:17:45,448 Okay, Rookie, you stay here! I'll be back with the flag! 313 00:17:46,356 --> 00:17:48,354 I still have no idea what you're talking about. 314 00:17:48,774 --> 00:17:50,005 I didn't hear any shots. 315 00:17:50,006 --> 00:17:54,151 I'm telling you, it was four shots. Like bam, bam, bam. 316 00:17:54,389 --> 00:17:56,681 Wait a second, that's only three bams. 317 00:17:56,925 --> 00:18:02,137 Bam. Wait a second, we've got a blue guy on the move out there. 318 00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:03,334 Where's he headed? 319 00:18:04,218 --> 00:18:09,325 Oh crap... It... it's Donut. And he's got something... 320 00:18:10,267 --> 00:18:10,907 It looks like... 321 00:18:12,637 --> 00:18:14,955 Simmons. get the Warthog. 322 00:18:15,203 --> 00:18:16,222 Heh, you mean the Puma? 323 00:18:16,924 --> 00:18:17,424 Freeze! 324 00:18:19,192 --> 00:18:22,054 Hey, why the hell are you shooting at me? You coulda hit me, dick! 325 00:18:22,405 --> 00:18:25,359 Can it. Don't try to play stupid with me, Sarge I know 326 00:18:25,360 --> 00:18:28,035 who ya are We've been spying on you for three weeks now. 327 00:18:28,220 --> 00:18:31,284 I just got here two hours ago. And I'm not a Sargeant, I'm a Private. 328 00:18:31,618 --> 00:18:33,138 Wait a minute you're not the Sargeant! 329 00:18:33,287 --> 00:18:35,037 Yeah, that's what I just said. 330 00:18:35,276 --> 00:18:37,580 Well then how the hell did you manage to steal our flag? 331 00:18:37,715 --> 00:18:40,812 Steal? I have no idea what the hell you're talking about! 332 00:18:41,068 --> 00:18:41,624 THREE! 333 00:18:41,658 --> 00:18:42,479 JESUS! 334 00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:44,788 HOLY SHIT! Who is this guy? 335 00:18:44,841 --> 00:18:48,912 What in the hell!? Tucker? Is that you? 336 00:18:48,913 --> 00:18:50,908 How did you get up here ahead of me? 337 00:18:51,104 --> 00:18:52,642 And what's with that black shit on your armor? 338 00:18:52,812 --> 00:18:54,476 Hey. Freeze Sarge! 339 00:18:54,595 --> 00:18:57,629 Would you stop calling me a Sargeant, I'm still just a Private. 340 00:18:57,731 --> 00:19:05,731 The Sarge is still a Private? Oh. My. God. The teleporter sent me back in time. 341 00:19:05,944 --> 00:19:08,343 Sorry Lopez, we need the jeep. 342 00:19:08,523 --> 00:19:09,355 I'll take gunner... 343 00:19:11,192 --> 00:19:13,219 ...Let's roll... 344 00:19:13,220 --> 00:19:15,180 How do you turn off the fucking radio in this car? 345 00:19:14,542 --> 00:19:16,582 Don't worry Lopez, I'll bring her back in one piece. 346 00:19:17,168 --> 00:19:20,623 Look, I know you don't know me, but you have to believe what I'm about to tell you. 347 00:19:20,716 --> 00:19:26,491 Some time in your future I get stationed here in Blood Gulch, and we meet. And this 348 00:19:26,492 --> 00:19:31,256 guy here, he gets promoted to Sargeant of the Red Army, and we spy on them. And they 349 00:19:31,257 --> 00:19:35,533 get this new jeep, and I'm like "There is no way you can pick up chicks in a tank!" 350 00:19:36,026 --> 00:19:39,216 Tucker? What the fuck are you babbling about? 351 00:19:39,420 --> 00:19:43,747 I know all this sounds crazy, but he eventually becomes a Sargeant, and then 352 00:19:43,748 --> 00:19:47,320 one day we get a tank, and he comes and steals a flag while we're distracted. 353 00:19:47,321 --> 00:19:48,864 Is this guy a retard? 354 00:19:49,259 --> 00:19:54,756 Red? Shut up. Tucker? Listen to me. Ya haven't gone back in time, okay? 355 00:19:54,994 --> 00:19:59,699 This is the guy who stole the flag, he's just not the Sargeant. Turns out, 356 00:19:59,827 --> 00:20:03,629 he's just some dumb rookie, who happens to have the same color armor as him. 357 00:20:03,849 --> 00:20:05,731 He got in somehow, just g... 358 00:20:05,832 --> 00:20:09,062 For God's sakes, WHAT IS THAT MUSIC!? 359 00:20:09,418 --> 00:20:10,654 Woohoo! 360 00:20:10,904 --> 00:20:13,381 Holy-Son of a bitch! Run! Jesus! Run! 361 00:20:13,581 --> 00:20:15,233 The jeep followed me back in time! 362 00:20:17,595 --> 00:20:19,638 Ah! Git! The ah! Eeh! 363 00:20:19,639 --> 00:20:21,290 What the hell is going on here? 364 00:20:21,291 --> 00:20:24,161 You know what, I honestly have no idea what's going on. 365 00:20:24,162 --> 00:20:26,934 I think everyone in this canyon is absolutely insane. 366 00:20:27,405 --> 00:20:28,331 How did you get their flag? 367 00:20:28,332 --> 00:20:30,061 I don't know, I just asked for it. 368 00:20:30,325 --> 00:20:31,458 Wait, that worked? 369 00:20:32,245 --> 00:20:34,072 I guess. Is it not supposed to? 370 00:20:34,305 --> 00:20:36,765 I don't know, we, we never even thought to try that. 371 00:20:36,766 --> 00:20:39,035 Just take the flag to the base, I'll explain there. 372 00:20:39,036 --> 00:20:40,772 Not until someone tells me what the fuck is goi- 373 00:20:40,773 --> 00:20:42,314 There's no time to explain, rookie! Just take the 374 00:20:42,315 --> 00:20:44,760 flag, and go to base! I'll explain everything there. 375 00:20:44,976 --> 00:20:46,151 Fine...! 376 00:20:49,617 --> 00:20:51,513 Hungh, back to our base, dumbass! 377 00:20:51,821 --> 00:20:54,894 Uh, I know, I just got turned around, that's all. 378 00:20:58,605 --> 00:20:58,971 Oh man, that's not good. 379 00:20:58,972 --> 00:21:00,702 Oh my God that jeep has a really big gun. 380 00:21:04,981 --> 00:21:10,264 Stay here... Tank... Stay here... Tank... Ah, screw it. 381 00:21:16,915 --> 00:21:20,398 Well, we'll just wait here. That thing's gotta run outta bullets some time... 382 00:21:26,362 --> 00:21:28,362 My God, doesn't that thing ever run out of bullets? 383 00:21:28,385 --> 00:21:31,702 You know, in hindsight, we should have brought the tank. 384 00:21:32,129 --> 00:21:37,063 Hey, Tucker, what good is a tank gonna do us if nobody here knows how to drive it? 385 00:21:37,538 --> 00:21:40,555 Yeah, I can see how hiding behind a rock is a much better strategy. 386 00:21:41,790 --> 00:21:46,616 Well, yeah, but... oh man, I guess I gotta give that one to ya. 387 00:21:52,358 --> 00:21:55,360 Hello, and thank you for activating the M808V 388 00:21:55,361 --> 00:21:58,858 Main Battle Tank. You may call me Sheila. 389 00:21:59,264 --> 00:22:02,740 Hello. Sheila. Big tank lady. 390 00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:05,633 Would you like me to run the tutorial program? 391 00:22:05,943 --> 00:22:08,328 Oh, that'd be very nice. Thank you. 392 00:22:08,329 --> 00:22:14,352 Tutorial program activated. This program is intended to instruct non-certified 393 00:22:14,353 --> 00:22:17,959 personnel in the use of the Scorpion class tank. 394 00:22:19,136 --> 00:22:20,619 Let's begin with some driving. 395 00:22:21,387 --> 00:22:22,095 Okay. 396 00:22:22,726 --> 00:22:26,412 Simmons. SIMMONS! 397 00:22:29,116 --> 00:22:30,749 Man, that thing is loud. 398 00:22:32,949 --> 00:22:33,611 WHAT? 399 00:22:34,676 --> 00:22:36,647 Come on, let's sneak around the back of the rock and get 'em out. 400 00:22:37,123 --> 00:22:38,467 OKAY. 401 00:22:38,468 --> 00:22:41,956 Keep it down! Jesus. Let's go, before they figure out what's going on. 402 00:22:42,399 --> 00:22:45,309 Now that you've mastered driving the M808V, 403 00:22:46,161 --> 00:22:48,347 let's move on to some of the safety features. 404 00:22:48,790 --> 00:22:50,758 No, no, wait, go back! 405 00:22:51,684 --> 00:22:54,282 Why are there six pedals if there are only four directions? 406 00:23:00,608 --> 00:23:02,618 (whispering) Psst, hey, they stopped firing. 407 00:23:03,307 --> 00:23:04,456 Why are you whispering? 408 00:23:04,633 --> 00:23:06,832 (whispering) Uhm... I don't know. 409 00:23:08,585 --> 00:23:11,281 Aw, crap, I don't think we're gonna be able to get around this way. 410 00:23:11,691 --> 00:23:14,409 Tell me again, uh, why did we get out of the jeep? 411 00:23:14,410 --> 00:23:17,884 Well, I guess it was this or sit there and watch you shoot rocks all day long. 412 00:23:17,980 --> 00:23:19,765 Well at least that was fun. 413 00:23:23,527 --> 00:23:27,819 Hoolyy crap. What in God's name is that thing? 414 00:23:29,574 --> 00:23:32,259 Tucker, don't be stupid. They're just trying to draw us out. 415 00:23:33,834 --> 00:23:36,119 No they're not, look: they left the jeep. They're gone. 416 00:23:37,492 --> 00:23:39,974 Well, I don't know about this. It seems pretty fishy, but... 417 00:23:40,518 --> 00:23:42,383 alright screw it, let's go get it. 418 00:23:44,625 --> 00:23:47,650 Dude hold still. I don't think it sees us. 419 00:23:55,244 --> 00:23:56,540 Why is it just sitting there? 420 00:23:57,168 --> 00:24:01,660 Just trying to mess with our heads. Let's get back to the Warthog. 421 00:24:02,143 --> 00:24:05,430 This tank is equipped with an auto-fire sequence, that 422 00:24:05,745 --> 00:24:08,618 can be activated by pressing the auto-fire button. 423 00:24:09,020 --> 00:24:11,836 Auto-fire, auto-fire, here, here! No, wait... 424 00:24:12,454 --> 00:24:14,094 okay that's more a switch than a button... 425 00:24:15,915 --> 00:24:19,384 Okay, you ready? Let's do this on three. One... 426 00:24:19,603 --> 00:24:23,145 Wait. On three? Or three and then go? 427 00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:26,357 On three. It's always faster to go on three. 428 00:24:26,358 --> 00:24:28,413 Okay, okay. On three. 429 00:24:28,414 --> 00:24:28,941 Here! 430 00:24:29,109 --> 00:24:33,444 Tutorial deactivated. Auto-fire sequence activated. 431 00:24:33,817 --> 00:24:34,483 Ready? 432 00:24:34,484 --> 00:24:35,825 Acquiring target. 433 00:24:36,262 --> 00:24:38,344 I'm going for the jeep. Cover me. 434 00:24:38,345 --> 00:24:38,845 One... 435 00:24:42,489 --> 00:24:43,577 Target acquired. 436 00:24:44,784 --> 00:24:46,851 Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit... 437 00:24:46,852 --> 00:24:47,352 Two... 438 00:24:48,130 --> 00:24:49,082 Target locked. 439 00:24:51,329 --> 00:24:51,829 Three! 440 00:24:53,106 --> 00:24:54,936 Oh, you back-stabbing cock bite! 441 00:24:54,937 --> 00:24:56,719 Firing main cannon. 442 00:24:59,724 --> 00:25:00,642 Son of a bitch! 443 00:25:00,643 --> 00:25:01,560 SON OF A BITCH! 444 00:25:02,113 --> 00:25:03,133 Son of a bitch! 445 00:25:03,764 --> 00:25:05,057 Firing main cannon. 446 00:25:07,844 --> 00:25:08,876 Firing main cannon. 447 00:25:08,877 --> 00:25:09,377 Dammit! 448 00:25:11,993 --> 00:25:13,347 Firing main cannon. 449 00:25:15,799 --> 00:25:17,188 Hey dude, the jeep blew up. 450 00:25:17,403 --> 00:25:20,056 No kidding. Thanks for the update, Tucker. 451 00:25:20,057 --> 00:25:21,533 Firing main cannon. 452 00:25:21,534 --> 00:25:24,294 Hey, I have a great idea. Let's get out of the 453 00:25:24,295 --> 00:25:26,840 jeep, and sneak around the back of the rock. 454 00:25:28,388 --> 00:25:29,594 Great plan you idiot! 455 00:25:32,352 --> 00:25:35,789 All targets eliminated. Acquiring new target. 456 00:25:36,848 --> 00:25:39,523 Hey Tucker, look at this, man: it's the rookie! 457 00:25:39,675 --> 00:25:42,323 And he brought tank out to scare off the reds. 458 00:25:42,573 --> 00:25:43,471 What? No way! 459 00:25:44,422 --> 00:25:48,469 Hey rookie, good job man! Why didn't you tell us you knew how to drive the tank? 460 00:25:49,288 --> 00:25:50,581 New target acquired. 461 00:25:51,707 --> 00:25:53,825 That's not a target. That's Church. 462 00:25:54,284 --> 00:25:58,418 Yeah, that's right, it's me, Church! What's going on, man! 463 00:25:58,797 --> 00:25:59,651 Target locked. 464 00:26:00,225 --> 00:26:04,794 What? No. Target unlock. Unlock! Please help me nice lady. 465 00:26:05,463 --> 00:26:07,208 Firing main cannon. 466 00:26:07,343 --> 00:26:08,442 Uh oh... 467 00:26:08,913 --> 00:26:09,520 Uh oh... 468 00:26:09,829 --> 00:26:13,023 What? Oh, son of a bi- 469 00:26:16,088 --> 00:26:21,148 Holy fuck! Church, are you okay? Talk to me, Church! 470 00:26:22,106 --> 00:26:24,679 You shot Church, you team-killing fucktard! 471 00:26:24,969 --> 00:26:27,488 Auto-fire sequence deactivated. 472 00:26:27,489 --> 00:26:30,187 Tucker! ...Tucker! 473 00:26:30,188 --> 00:26:32,616 Church! It's going to be okay, man. 474 00:26:32,617 --> 00:26:36,985 No. Ah... I'm na, I'm not gonna make it. 475 00:26:37,176 --> 00:26:41,374 Tucker, there's something I need to tell you. 476 00:26:42,242 --> 00:26:42,885 What is it? 477 00:26:42,886 --> 00:26:46,929 I just want you to know, I always hated you. 478 00:26:47,543 --> 00:26:49,360 I always hated you the most. 479 00:26:49,361 --> 00:26:52,070 Yeah, I know you did. Now hurry up and die, you prick. 480 00:26:52,211 --> 00:26:56,367 Okay. Hierh! Blueah. 481 00:26:59,617 --> 00:27:00,370 What happened? 482 00:27:00,371 --> 00:27:05,148 Big... Tank... Shooting... Whooooh! 483 00:27:06,020 --> 00:27:08,648 Damn, man, we only ran like three hundred feet. 484 00:27:08,868 --> 00:27:10,477 You are really out of shape. 485 00:27:10,976 --> 00:27:12,555 Fuck... You... 486 00:27:12,832 --> 00:27:13,928 Where's your car? 487 00:27:14,236 --> 00:27:17,517 General Patton here had a great strategy to leave it behind. 488 00:27:18,009 --> 00:27:20,170 Hey, it would have worked if that tank hadn't shown up. 489 00:27:20,699 --> 00:27:25,721 You lost the jeep? Oh man, Lopez is gonna be pissed. Where is it? 490 00:27:28,808 --> 00:27:29,705 What the hell? 491 00:27:32,039 --> 00:27:32,859 Holy crap! What the hell is that thing? 492 00:27:33,328 --> 00:27:34,495 That's the tank! 493 00:27:35,285 --> 00:27:38,295 Hey uh, Grif uh, you wanna hold the flag for a little bit? 494 00:27:38,296 --> 00:27:39,890 No, keep that away from me! 495 00:27:42,298 --> 00:27:43,698 Why do you keep firing at the jeep? 496 00:27:44,106 --> 00:27:45,161 Because it's locked on! 497 00:27:45,348 --> 00:27:46,658 Target locked. 498 00:27:46,659 --> 00:27:47,584 Well unlock it. 499 00:27:47,834 --> 00:27:50,198 Last time I unlocked it, I KILLED CHURCH! 500 00:27:50,685 --> 00:27:54,007 Oh, right... keep shooting the jeep then. 501 00:27:54,817 --> 00:27:58,679 I hate to be the one to point this out guys, but I think we're screwed. 502 00:27:59,311 --> 00:28:02,005 Yeah. I have to agree with the rookie on this one. 503 00:28:02,683 --> 00:28:07,249 Blood Gulch Outpost Number One. Come in, Blood Gulch 504 00:28:07,250 --> 00:28:10,784 Outpost, come in. Do you read me? This is Sargeant- 505 00:28:10,785 --> 00:28:12,796 Oh my God, Sarge, is that you? 506 00:28:12,797 --> 00:28:17,627 Roger that, Private. I am currently in-bound to your position from Command. 507 00:28:17,903 --> 00:28:19,780 Sir, this is Simmons. 508 00:28:20,178 --> 00:28:23,348 Hello Simmons. I hope everything's gone alright while I've been gone. 509 00:28:23,637 --> 00:28:26,588 Actually sir, things are kind of hectic right now. The new rookie 510 00:28:26,589 --> 00:28:29,831 arrived, and somehow he managed to infiltrate the blue base, and now 511 00:28:29,832 --> 00:28:32,976 we have their flag, the Warthog is damaged, one of their guys is 512 00:28:32,977 --> 00:28:36,542 dead, and there's this huge fucking tank about to destroy our base. 513 00:28:42,020 --> 00:28:43,732 ...Am I talkin' to the right base? 514 00:28:44,115 --> 00:28:47,200 Sarge, we, are going, to die here. 515 00:28:47,714 --> 00:28:53,257 Well then hold tight boys. I think I gotta solution to your little 'tank' problem. 516 00:28:54,354 --> 00:28:55,300 Uh oh. 517 00:28:58,770 --> 00:29:02,596 Hey Caboose, you might wanna get out of the tank. Like right now. 518 00:29:02,982 --> 00:29:04,783 I can't figure out how to get this thing open! 519 00:29:04,981 --> 00:29:06,202 Night vision engaged. 520 00:29:06,701 --> 00:29:07,788 Rookie, get out now. 521 00:29:08,466 --> 00:29:13,696 Okay, open the duh, okay, I, Sheila, will you please open the door? 522 00:29:13,835 --> 00:29:15,830 Driver canopy open. 523 00:29:16,540 --> 00:29:20,347 Thank you for using the M808V main battle ta- 524 00:29:21,517 --> 00:29:23,618 Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap running, running, running. 525 00:29:24,443 --> 00:29:26,357 Man, that was close. 526 00:29:26,633 --> 00:29:28,870 Look at your tank though. 527 00:29:29,742 --> 00:29:37,742 I'm scared Dave. Will I dream? Daisy... Daaaaiisyyyyyy... 528 00:29:39,012 --> 00:29:42,814 Sheeeeiilaaaaa! Noooooo! 529 00:29:42,815 --> 00:29:48,058 What? No! Sheila! Sheila! Wait... who's Sheila? 530 00:29:49,153 --> 00:29:53,230 Sheila's the lady in the tank. She was my friend... 531 00:29:54,129 --> 00:29:56,729 Oh, dude! I knew you could pick up chicks in a tank! 532 00:29:59,833 --> 00:30:03,372 Come in Blue Command. This is Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha. Do you read me? 533 00:30:04,039 --> 00:30:06,770 Okay, that is the last of it, your armor is clean now. 534 00:30:07,213 --> 00:30:09,438 Did you get all the black stuff off? 535 00:30:09,439 --> 00:30:11,675 This is Blue Command, come in Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha. 536 00:30:11,948 --> 00:30:13,941 Hello! Command! We need help. 537 00:30:14,315 --> 00:30:16,655 Roger that, Blood Gulch, what is your request? 538 00:30:17,106 --> 00:30:19,694 I don't know what the technical military term is for it, 539 00:30:19,695 --> 00:30:22,514 but uh, we're pretty fucked up down here. We need men! 540 00:30:23,196 --> 00:30:25,821 ...Dude, how long have you guys been down there? 541 00:30:26,247 --> 00:30:29,543 No, no no, naw, it-not like that. We need more men to help us. 542 00:30:30,113 --> 00:30:32,143 Roger that. Did you get the tank we sent? 543 00:30:32,738 --> 00:30:34,663 Yeah, that got blown up too. 544 00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:36,940 Wow. Sucks to be you. 545 00:30:37,230 --> 00:30:38,065 Yeah, we know. 546 00:30:38,066 --> 00:30:40,684 Okay, here's what I can do. The nearest blue 547 00:30:40,685 --> 00:30:42,747 forces can be there in sixteen days, or I- 548 00:30:42,954 --> 00:30:45,820 Sixteen days!? That's almost two weeks! 549 00:30:45,966 --> 00:30:49,425 Or I can hire a nearby freelancer and get him there within a few hours. 550 00:30:49,643 --> 00:30:51,735 I like the 'in an hour' one. 551 00:30:51,985 --> 00:30:55,647 Yeah, me too. Roger that Command, we prefer the quicker solution. 552 00:30:55,648 --> 00:30:57,923 10-4 Blood Gulch, we will contact freelancer 553 00:30:57,924 --> 00:31:00,821 Tex, and have him there post-haste. Command out. 554 00:31:01,165 --> 00:31:02,885 Whoever he is, make sure he can fix a tank. 555 00:31:03,444 --> 00:31:04,245 What's a freelancer? 556 00:31:04,425 --> 00:31:07,473 Freelancers are independant, they're not red or blue. They're 557 00:31:07,474 --> 00:31:10,259 just guns for hire, who'll fight for whoever has the most money. 558 00:31:10,538 --> 00:31:12,837 Like a mercenary. 559 00:31:12,838 --> 00:31:15,036 Right. Or like your mom, when the rent's due. 560 00:31:16,257 --> 00:31:17,058 ...oh, that's funny. 561 00:31:17,608 --> 00:31:18,913 Yeah, you didn't think that was too obvious? 562 00:31:19,107 --> 00:31:21,040 No no, no no, that was, that was good. 563 00:31:21,041 --> 00:31:25,483 Tucker... Tuuuckerrr... 564 00:31:25,692 --> 00:31:26,876 Who the hell are you? 565 00:31:27,105 --> 00:31:33,313 I am the ghost of Chuuuurch... and I've come back with a waaarniiing... 566 00:31:34,081 --> 00:31:38,517 You're not Church... Church is blue. You're white. 567 00:31:38,741 --> 00:31:43,808 Rookie, shut up, man. I'm a freakin' ghost! Have you ever seen a blue ghost before? 568 00:31:45,584 --> 00:31:46,609 Yeah, that's definitely him. 569 00:31:46,610 --> 00:31:48,290 Now I gotta start all over again... (ahem) 570 00:31:49,407 --> 00:31:55,968 Tucker... Tuuuckerrr... I've come back with a waaarniiing... 571 00:31:56,304 --> 00:31:57,903 Is it really necessary to do the voice? 572 00:31:58,135 --> 00:31:59,673 Yeah, it's kinda annoying. 573 00:32:00,208 --> 00:32:03,302 Fine. Okay, here's the deal. I've come back from the 574 00:32:03,303 --> 00:32:06,418 dead to give you a warning about Tex. Don't let - 575 00:32:06,419 --> 00:32:07,331 What's the warning? 576 00:32:07,332 --> 00:32:10,117 Shut up for one second, and I'll tell you. 577 00:32:10,525 --> 00:32:11,140 Oh, sorry. 578 00:32:11,141 --> 00:32:14,630 Seriously, man, I mean, I'm coming back from the great beyond here. 579 00:32:14,631 --> 00:32:17,117 You think this is easy? It's not. It's 580 00:32:17,118 --> 00:32:18,884 not like I just, you know just pop in and out whenever 581 00:32:18,885 --> 00:32:20,771 I feel like it, it takes a lot of concentration. 582 00:32:21,243 --> 00:32:21,812 Sorry. 583 00:32:21,813 --> 00:32:24,506 I mean, it's bad enough that you killed me to begin with, but now 584 00:32:24,507 --> 00:32:26,856 I come back and I can't even get a word in edgewise, man... 585 00:32:28,617 --> 00:32:31,514 Okay. Here's the deal. 586 00:32:31,515 --> 00:32:32,416 Is this the warning? 587 00:32:32,697 --> 00:32:36,842 Alright, that's it, I swear to God, Caboose, your ass is haunted. 588 00:32:37,333 --> 00:32:39,295 When we're done here, I'm gonna haunt you. 589 00:32:39,750 --> 00:32:41,230 Yeah, you're even starting to bug me. 590 00:32:41,655 --> 00:32:44,791 Okay, Tucker. You remember that I told you I was stationed on 591 00:32:44,792 --> 00:32:48,176 Sidewinder before they transfered me here to Blood Gulch, right? 592 00:32:48,177 --> 00:32:48,512 No. 593 00:32:48,513 --> 00:32:51,228 Sidewinder, isn't that the ice planet? 594 00:32:51,229 --> 00:32:52,113 Yes. 595 00:32:52,114 --> 00:32:53,528 Cool, what was that like? 596 00:32:53,887 --> 00:32:55,945 Um... it was cold. 597 00:32:55,946 --> 00:32:57,143 That's it? Just cold? 598 00:32:57,342 --> 00:33:00,723 What do you want from me, a poem? It's a planet made 599 00:33:00,724 --> 00:33:05,515 entirely out of ice. It's really, fuckin', cold. 600 00:33:05,841 --> 00:33:06,962 Would you just let him talk? 601 00:33:07,582 --> 00:33:10,345 Alright, well, one day when I was there, 602 00:33:10,586 --> 00:33:13,888 everything was just like normal. I remember, I was 603 00:33:13,889 --> 00:33:16,485 out on patrol with my partner Jimmy. That Jimmy 604 00:33:16,486 --> 00:33:18,559 was a real good kid, everybody liked him. 605 00:33:18,829 --> 00:33:20,309 Do you think I was a good kid Church? 606 00:33:20,384 --> 00:33:25,109 Tucker, don't get jealous man, just listen to the story, okay? Like I said, 607 00:33:25,110 --> 00:33:28,846 guys were hanging around, waitin' for some action, bitching about the cold... 608 00:33:29,016 --> 00:33:31,163 Man, it's fucking cold. 609 00:33:31,164 --> 00:33:32,627 I hope we get some action. 610 00:33:32,628 --> 00:33:34,459 Anyway, Jimmy was in the middle of telling me 611 00:33:34,460 --> 00:33:36,235 all about this girlfriend he had back home. 612 00:33:36,705 --> 00:33:40,779 Yep, soon as I get back, I'm gonna get down on one knee and ask her to marry me. 613 00:33:40,952 --> 00:33:42,858 And that's when Tex showed up. 614 00:33:45,203 --> 00:33:48,625 Private Mickey was the first to go. He was halfway across the base 615 00:33:48,626 --> 00:33:51,082 when all of a sudden he just started screaming bloody murder. 616 00:33:51,294 --> 00:33:53,084 Bloody murder! Bloody murder! 617 00:33:53,326 --> 00:33:55,443 The whole thing was over before it even started. 618 00:33:58,617 --> 00:34:02,189 Poor Jimmy was the last one to go. Tex walked up to him, pulled 619 00:34:02,190 --> 00:34:05,238 Jimmy's skull right out of his head and beat him to death with it. 620 00:34:05,432 --> 00:34:08,300 Wait a second... how do you beat someone to death with 621 00:34:08,422 --> 00:34:11,579 their own skull? That doesn't seem physically possible. 622 00:34:12,203 --> 00:34:14,048 That's exactly what Jimmy kept screaming. 623 00:34:14,163 --> 00:34:16,281 This doesn't seem physically possible! 624 00:34:16,948 --> 00:34:19,026 Eeeeggh, blehhhhh. 625 00:34:19,027 --> 00:34:24,246 Bottom line is: these freelancers, they're bad news, and Tex is one of the worst. 626 00:34:24,247 --> 00:34:26,620 If he's such a badass, why didn't he kill you? 627 00:34:26,621 --> 00:34:30,225 To tell you I don't know why I'm not dead. Could've killed me at any point. 628 00:34:31,482 --> 00:34:34,472 But maybe it's because Tex and I have run in to each other once before. 629 00:34:34,473 --> 00:34:35,220 Where? 630 00:34:35,440 --> 00:34:39,562 You uh, you remember that girl I told you about back home? Well, 631 00:34:39,770 --> 00:34:43,535 let's just say that Tex is the real reason why we never got married. 632 00:34:43,922 --> 00:34:46,363 Guys, I'm fading fast and I don't know when I'll be back. 633 00:34:46,775 --> 00:34:49,768 Just listen to my warning: don't let Tex get involved here. 634 00:34:49,769 --> 00:34:50,444 Okay. 635 00:34:50,445 --> 00:34:55,186 I mean it Tucker. No fighting, no scouting, nothing. You'll regret it 636 00:34:56,215 --> 00:34:58,786 So, Tex and Church were after the same girl. 637 00:34:59,574 --> 00:35:01,123 I told you his girlfriend was a slut. 638 00:35:11,022 --> 00:35:13,061 And then I thought, you know, we could sneak 639 00:35:13,062 --> 00:35:15,347 around the side while they were hiding behind the 640 00:35:15,348 --> 00:35:18,372 rock, but uh, well that's when the tank showed up 641 00:35:18,373 --> 00:35:21,439 and, shit just started blowin' up. I don't know. 642 00:35:23,850 --> 00:35:29,721 Grif, do you have any Godly idea how much this piece of equipment costs? 643 00:35:30,419 --> 00:35:35,155 Ah, I don't know, what like uh, ten, ten twenty, twenty-five bucks, maybe? 644 00:35:36,049 --> 00:35:37,850 Uh, yeu, you're gonna kill me now, aren't you. 645 00:35:37,943 --> 00:35:41,771 Tell you what, Grif, I'm a fair man. I'll give you a ten second 646 00:35:42,258 --> 00:35:45,139 head start here before I let Lopez do anything he wants to ya. 647 00:35:46,211 --> 00:35:50,529 Guys, I just want you to know. I'm really, really sorry here, and 648 00:35:50,530 --> 00:35:53,130 Five Mississippi. Six Mississippi. 649 00:35:53,596 --> 00:35:55,589 Okay uh, I guess I better get going then. 650 00:35:59,127 --> 00:36:01,368 Hey guys, that's not funny. Somebody could get hurt here. 651 00:36:03,867 --> 00:36:07,630 That's basically it sir, they have five guys over there and a big jeep. 652 00:36:08,087 --> 00:36:09,673 And your flag. 653 00:36:10,493 --> 00:36:11,609 Right, that too. 654 00:36:14,639 --> 00:36:18,404 Uh, hey, Tex? I don't know what it's been like at your other bases, 655 00:36:18,791 --> 00:36:22,118 but we try not to use other soldiers as target practice here. 656 00:36:24,436 --> 00:36:26,040 I'm scared. 657 00:36:28,498 --> 00:36:31,595 So, you've got the Special Forces black armor, I see. 658 00:36:32,058 --> 00:36:33,818 Were you in the Special Forces at some point? 659 00:36:36,173 --> 00:36:39,563 Yeah, I used to have black armor too. It was black 660 00:36:39,564 --> 00:36:41,533 because I got this stuff all over it from th- 661 00:36:42,022 --> 00:36:44,155 Oh, okay, you gotta go? I'll see you later. 662 00:36:45,568 --> 00:36:47,774 I don't think he likes you. 663 00:36:48,609 --> 00:36:49,593 Thanks. 664 00:36:51,533 --> 00:36:52,859 Where are you going? 665 00:36:53,524 --> 00:36:58,634 Red base. Kill everybody. Get the flag back. 666 00:37:00,385 --> 00:37:07,666 Uh... Okay! We'll just stay here and guard the trans... porter... 667 00:37:09,329 --> 00:37:11,999 So, Sarge thought my strategy had merit, but was poorly 668 00:37:12,362 --> 00:37:16,749 executed, probably because somebody didn't believe in it. 669 00:37:16,750 --> 00:37:19,363 Bullshit. He told me he thought you were a retarded 670 00:37:19,364 --> 00:37:21,484 monkey, and he's gonna suspend your weapon privileges. 671 00:37:22,026 --> 00:37:25,796 Hey since I captured the flag, d'you think they'll give me my own color armor now? 672 00:37:26,251 --> 00:37:28,116 What do you mean 'captured'? You thought you 673 00:37:28,347 --> 00:37:29,867 were buying it at the store, you idiot. 674 00:37:30,377 --> 00:37:31,762 Still, you think there's a shot? 675 00:37:31,763 --> 00:37:34,444 Maybe they'll give you Grif's armor, since he destroyed the Warthog. 676 00:37:34,705 --> 00:37:38,267 Hyeah, heh-wait... you don't... you don't think they'd do that, do you? 677 00:37:39,300 --> 00:37:42,736 Try connectin' that hose to that metal thingie there. 678 00:37:43,015 --> 00:37:45,322 I think that's what's makin' that rattle. 679 00:37:46,982 --> 00:37:48,781 Ah think I'll let you do it. 680 00:37:52,762 --> 00:37:54,883 What the... What was that? 681 00:37:55,771 --> 00:37:58,415 Simmons, what's going on? What's over there? 682 00:37:59,071 --> 00:38:00,632 I thought I saw something for a second. 683 00:38:04,301 --> 00:38:07,502 Hey rookie, tuck the flag somewhere safe until we can figure out what's goin' on. 684 00:38:08,050 --> 00:38:10,615 Good idea. I was sick of carrying this thing anyway. 685 00:38:13,362 --> 00:38:14,609 Did you hear that? 686 00:38:14,610 --> 00:38:15,433 Yeah. 687 00:38:15,434 --> 00:38:17,677 (whispering) Hey! What's going on? 688 00:38:21,198 --> 00:38:22,215 What the fuck? 689 00:38:22,555 --> 00:38:24,422 What? 690 00:38:24,839 --> 00:38:25,599 What is that thing? 691 00:38:26,022 --> 00:38:26,628 What thing? 692 00:38:26,629 --> 00:38:28,217 There's something on your head... 693 00:38:28,513 --> 00:38:30,337 What, is it a spider? Get it off! 694 00:38:30,338 --> 00:38:32,851 No, it's not a spider, it's, like a... blue thing. 695 00:38:34,235 --> 00:38:36,153 What, like a blue spider? Get it off! 696 00:38:36,154 --> 00:38:41,055 It's not a spider, calm down. It's some kinda, fuzzy pulsating thing. 697 00:38:41,056 --> 00:38:43,089 That doesn't sound much better than a spider. 698 00:38:43,366 --> 00:38:44,201 Does it hurt? 699 00:38:44,202 --> 00:38:44,702 No... 700 00:38:45,142 --> 00:38:46,558 Maybe we should try to take it off. 701 00:38:46,559 --> 00:38:48,198 Good idea. Go for it. 702 00:38:48,476 --> 00:38:52,864 Me? By "we" I meant "you." Asshole. 703 00:38:52,865 --> 00:38:55,860 Well somebody needs to get it off. Look, it might be dangerous. 704 00:38:57,285 --> 00:38:58,280 Son of a bitch! 705 00:39:01,170 --> 00:39:02,106 Son... where'd he go? 706 00:39:03,087 --> 00:39:04,807 Don't kill me, I'm too good looking to die! 707 00:39:06,423 --> 00:39:10,221 Man... he is really kicking their asses. 708 00:39:10,222 --> 00:39:13,337 How come I never get the fucking sniper rifle? 709 00:39:15,500 --> 00:39:18,250 I'm really glad Tex is on our team and not theirs. 710 00:39:18,783 --> 00:39:20,263 Sure makes things a lot easier on us. 711 00:39:20,619 --> 00:39:25,522 Yeah. I think switching Tex for Church was a good trade. 712 00:39:25,523 --> 00:39:28,802 It definitely seems like your killing Church is starting to work out for us. 713 00:39:29,412 --> 00:39:31,958 Ya know ya think so? You know, I was gonna say 714 00:39:31,959 --> 00:39:36,141 something but uh, well you know, uh... nuh... 715 00:39:37,358 --> 00:39:38,340 Did Tex get in the base? 716 00:39:42,248 --> 00:39:42,748 Yeah. 717 00:39:45,454 --> 00:39:47,596 Blue team, flag returned. 718 00:39:48,363 --> 00:39:50,147 What the... who said that? 719 00:39:50,148 --> 00:39:53,671 Sorry, that was me. I uh, I guess I had something 720 00:39:53,672 --> 00:39:56,548 stuck in my throat. Your flag is back, by the way. 721 00:39:56,943 --> 00:39:58,569 Hey... it's Church. 722 00:39:59,253 --> 00:40:01,133 Yeah, it's me. Hey Caboose. 723 00:40:01,134 --> 00:40:03,664 Hey Church, what're you up to? 724 00:40:04,022 --> 00:40:07,620 Caboose, ah-huh-huh, I'm not really here to make small-talk, okay? 725 00:40:08,059 --> 00:40:09,779 How'd you guys manage to get your flag back? 726 00:40:10,284 --> 00:40:14,464 Wh, what? Oh, th, that flag? We've always had that. 727 00:40:14,813 --> 00:40:17,458 Tucker, who do you think you're trying to fool? 728 00:40:17,459 --> 00:40:20,496 Hey wait a second... Where's Tex? 729 00:40:21,154 --> 00:40:23,383 I'm not really sure, he said he was gonna go to 730 00:40:23,384 --> 00:40:26,325 the store, something about uh, Elbow Grease. 731 00:40:26,326 --> 00:40:30,293 Oh great. This is so typical! What was the one 732 00:40:30,294 --> 00:40:33,179 thing I told you guys the last time I appeared? 733 00:40:33,602 --> 00:40:35,590 That Sidewinder is cold!? 734 00:40:35,892 --> 00:40:40,621 Nuhhhh, what was the other one thing I told you? 735 00:40:40,945 --> 00:40:42,408 Not to let him get involved? 736 00:40:42,630 --> 00:40:44,736 Right. And what did you do? 737 00:40:45,693 --> 00:40:47,664 We let him get involved. 738 00:40:47,665 --> 00:40:50,104 And not just a little involved, how involved? 739 00:40:50,415 --> 00:40:52,861 Very, very involved. 740 00:40:53,299 --> 00:40:53,983 Freeze. 741 00:40:57,552 --> 00:40:58,911 Drop your weapon. 742 00:41:00,767 --> 00:41:02,060 Hey buddy. 743 00:41:02,538 --> 00:41:03,188 What. 744 00:41:03,189 --> 00:41:06,896 You really better hope the first one knocks me out. 745 00:41:09,578 --> 00:41:14,578 Ow, what the... My freakin' head. Jesus. 746 00:41:16,391 --> 00:41:20,237 He's hurt, Grif. He'll make it, but we need to get him some help fast. 747 00:41:21,269 --> 00:41:24,234 Yeah, yeah hold on one second. What happened here? 748 00:41:24,235 --> 00:41:25,577 W-First Donut's head 749 00:41:25,578 --> 00:41:30,498 exploded, and then you fainted, and then some black thing showed up and started- 750 00:41:30,499 --> 00:41:34,578 Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. I did not faint, something knocked me out. 751 00:41:34,969 --> 00:41:38,375 Okay fine, keep lying to yourself. Whatever helps you sleep at night. 752 00:41:38,903 --> 00:41:41,435 Man, just go find Sarge, we need to get Donut outta here. 753 00:41:42,813 --> 00:41:47,195 Yeah sure, oh, and uh, I'm fine by the way, thanks for asking. 754 00:41:47,894 --> 00:41:50,148 Whatever, noone likes you anyway. 755 00:41:51,806 --> 00:41:59,806 Yep, he's definitely captured... Or dead... Captured or dead... 756 00:42:00,651 --> 00:42:04,011 Or captured and dead! 757 00:42:04,012 --> 00:42:06,757 Oh, well that's just perfect! 758 00:42:06,758 --> 00:42:10,357 What? What is your problem? Why do you even care if he's captured, 759 00:42:10,358 --> 00:42:13,147 I thought you hated that guy anyway, for stealing your girlfriend? 760 00:42:14,076 --> 00:42:18,487 I never said I hated Tex. I just said that 761 00:42:18,488 --> 00:42:21,465 she was the reason why we never got married. 762 00:42:21,466 --> 00:42:22,652 She? 763 00:42:23,179 --> 00:42:25,683 Sarge, we need to get Donut air-lifted outta here. 764 00:42:26,154 --> 00:42:30,165 Could you put that in a memo, and entitle it "Shit I already know!" 765 00:42:30,527 --> 00:42:34,397 Get on the horn with Command! Well, look who's up. 766 00:42:34,629 --> 00:42:36,398 Rise 'n' shine, buttercup. 767 00:42:41,151 --> 00:42:48,015 Oh great... you broke my voice filter. You cock biting fucktards! 768 00:42:48,624 --> 00:42:52,851 Ah-ha! I knew it! Only a chick could give me a headache this big! 769 00:42:52,852 --> 00:42:54,787 How long have you guys been out here? 770 00:42:54,788 --> 00:42:57,536 Let me get this straight... you're telling me that the guy that 771 00:42:57,537 --> 00:43:00,929 showed up here, scared the living shit out of us, shot at Caboose 772 00:43:01,191 --> 00:43:04,437 and beat the hell out of the reds wasn't a guy at all? That he was a chick? 773 00:43:04,802 --> 00:43:07,128 And on top of that, she was your ex-girlfriend? 774 00:43:07,579 --> 00:43:10,040 In a nutshell, yes. That's an excellent summary. 775 00:43:10,476 --> 00:43:13,116 I should have known... She didn't like me... 776 00:43:14,236 --> 00:43:16,584 Girls, never, like me. 777 00:43:16,585 --> 00:43:18,638 Caboose, I don't think anybody likes you. 778 00:43:18,874 --> 00:43:20,268 I like me... 779 00:43:20,269 --> 00:43:22,771 I don't think I've seen a girl that mean before. Are you sure 780 00:43:22,772 --> 00:43:27,064 she's a chick? And not a guy? Or like, part guy part shark? 781 00:43:27,594 --> 00:43:29,919 I'm pretty sure I'd know if Tex was a guy. And I'm 782 00:43:29,920 --> 00:43:32,395 definitely sure I would know if she was part shark. 783 00:43:32,396 --> 00:43:37,397 Way, oh, wait oh wait. If she's a girl, then why is she named Tex? 784 00:43:37,398 --> 00:43:40,234 Uh... because she's from Texas. 785 00:43:42,016 --> 00:43:45,985 Trust me, it makes sense. And you can't blame her for being 786 00:43:45,986 --> 00:43:48,857 so aggressive. It's not entirely her fault to begin with. 787 00:43:48,858 --> 00:43:52,871 Right. You should blame God. First he makes hangovers, and now, half 788 00:43:52,872 --> 00:43:55,598 women, half sharks that won't even sleep with me. 789 00:43:55,913 --> 00:43:57,512 Thanks for nothing, God! 790 00:43:57,513 --> 00:44:00,812 Will you shut up with that? She got recruited in to some kind of 791 00:44:00,813 --> 00:44:04,915 weird experimental program back during basic where, they infused her 792 00:44:04,916 --> 00:44:08,359 armor with this really aggressive A.I. I'm not really sure how it all 793 00:44:08,360 --> 00:44:11,771 works, but all I know is it made her meaner and tougher than hell. 794 00:44:11,954 --> 00:44:16,619 A.I... What's the A stand for? 795 00:44:16,851 --> 00:44:17,924 Artificial. 796 00:44:19,596 --> 00:44:20,919 ...What's the I- 797 00:44:20,920 --> 00:44:22,532 Intelligence. 798 00:44:22,533 --> 00:44:24,750 Ooohhhhhhhhh what was the A again? 799 00:44:24,751 --> 00:44:25,969 Let's move on. 800 00:44:25,970 --> 00:44:31,141 So, the military put this program in her head, and that program made her a killer. 801 00:44:31,471 --> 00:44:34,788 But underneath it all she's really just a sweet, down-home girl? 802 00:44:34,789 --> 00:44:37,871 Oh hell no. She's always been a rotten bitch, it's just 803 00:44:37,872 --> 00:44:40,476 now she's a rotten bitch with cybernetic enhancements. 804 00:44:40,477 --> 00:44:43,134 Wow. Sounds like you really won the lottery with that one. 805 00:44:43,491 --> 00:44:45,981 Good catch there buddy, she's a keeper. 806 00:44:46,671 --> 00:44:49,831 So how're you doing, Caboose? Are you following any of this whatsoever? 807 00:44:49,842 --> 00:44:55,922 I think so... That guy Tex is really a robot, and 808 00:44:55,923 --> 00:45:02,211 you're his boyfriend. So that makes you... a gay robot. 809 00:45:03,665 --> 00:45:07,546 Yeah... that's right... I'm a gay robot. 810 00:45:08,697 --> 00:45:11,001 So, you're a girl, huh? 811 00:45:13,335 --> 00:45:14,928 Just ignore him, that's what I do. 812 00:45:15,319 --> 00:45:17,849 Not so tough now that we unloaded your weapon, are ya... 813 00:45:18,144 --> 00:45:21,088 Hey punk, I don't need a weapon to kill you. 814 00:45:21,089 --> 00:45:23,667 Yeah, right. What're you gonna do, punch me? 815 00:45:25,393 --> 00:45:26,892 Aaah, not the face! 816 00:45:26,893 --> 00:45:31,480 Well don't worry, because I have a great plan for how we're gonna rescue Tex. 817 00:45:31,481 --> 00:45:36,755 A plan? Oh, man, I hate plans. That means we're gonna have to do stuff. 818 00:45:37,142 --> 00:45:40,340 Can't we just have a strategy, or ...mission statement? 819 00:45:40,341 --> 00:45:43,472 I just need you guys to run a distraction, while I spring Tex. 820 00:45:43,895 --> 00:45:47,956 Distraction? Heh. That sounds a lot like "decoy." 821 00:45:48,319 --> 00:45:51,419 The way I see it, the reds have absolutely no idea how many 822 00:45:51,420 --> 00:45:54,408 freelancers we have out here. So all I need from the two 823 00:45:54,409 --> 00:45:56,820 of you, is to run around in the middle of the canyon, 824 00:45:57,059 --> 00:46:00,129 wearing black armor, while I sneak in the back of the base. 825 00:46:00,642 --> 00:46:04,798 Sounds good. But Church, where the hell are we gonna get two suits of black armor? 826 00:46:07,959 --> 00:46:09,695 ...Oh fuckberries... 827 00:46:13,341 --> 00:46:14,631 Are you okay, Tucker? 828 00:46:14,632 --> 00:46:15,611 Yeah, I'm fine. 829 00:46:17,593 --> 00:46:18,778 Come on Caboose! 830 00:46:19,048 --> 00:46:20,392 Does it hurt?! 831 00:46:20,393 --> 00:46:21,539 No, not at all! 832 00:46:22,130 --> 00:46:24,436 Okay! Here I come! 833 00:46:26,291 --> 00:46:27,545 Does it hurt for real? 834 00:46:27,546 --> 00:46:29,428 Oho, yeah. Big time. 835 00:46:32,265 --> 00:46:33,923 Owwchie. 836 00:46:35,587 --> 00:46:37,030 You lied to me. 837 00:46:37,031 --> 00:46:42,832 Ah, dammit. Lopez. C'm'ere. Do you see something out there? 838 00:46:46,360 --> 00:46:48,123 There's no L in it, it's pronounced both. 839 00:46:48,124 --> 00:46:50,890 That's what I'm saying. Bolth. 840 00:46:50,891 --> 00:46:51,594 Both. 841 00:46:51,595 --> 00:46:54,072 You sound like such an ass the way you say it. 842 00:46:54,073 --> 00:46:58,593 Grif! Quit your yammering and get your kicker up here. Need some help. 843 00:46:59,171 --> 00:47:01,955 Got more of them Special Ops fellas headed toward the base. 844 00:47:02,274 --> 00:47:06,504 As in... more than one? Uh, maybe we should both go, sir. 845 00:47:06,839 --> 00:47:08,144 Both. 846 00:47:08,145 --> 00:47:10,499 Seriously man, like an ass. 847 00:47:10,972 --> 00:47:14,639 Well, well. Another brilliant idea from the thinktank. 848 00:47:14,930 --> 00:47:16,414 Why don't you both come up. Leave 849 00:47:16,415 --> 00:47:19,333 the prisoner alone. We could just put her on 850 00:47:19,334 --> 00:47:21,501 the honor system, have her guard herself. 851 00:47:21,502 --> 00:47:22,398 Good point sir. 852 00:47:22,637 --> 00:47:25,155 YOU'RE GOD DAMN RIGHT IT IS! Now get your ass up 853 00:47:25,156 --> 00:47:27,638 here, we got just enough time for me to spraypaint 854 00:47:27,639 --> 00:47:32,183 the bullseye on your back... Ah, by bullseye I 855 00:47:32,443 --> 00:47:36,793 of course mean camouflage. Now move it, cupcake. 856 00:47:37,573 --> 00:47:39,791 Yeah... I'll be right up. 857 00:47:40,365 --> 00:47:44,953 Hey Tucker, come in man, are you there? This is Church, it's working. The orange 858 00:47:44,954 --> 00:47:50,610 one is coming out of the base. I repeat, the orange one is coming out of the base. 859 00:47:51,084 --> 00:47:52,054 Roger that. 860 00:47:52,055 --> 00:47:54,943 Oh, oh oh oh, Tucker, Tucker Tucker. Is that, is that Church? 861 00:47:55,151 --> 00:47:59,426 Tell him, that I... I said... for me to say hi? 862 00:47:59,427 --> 00:48:02,120 Whoa wait wait, hey. What? I missed that, Caboose 863 00:48:02,121 --> 00:48:04,916 was talking to me. Shut up man, I'm on the radio. 864 00:48:05,756 --> 00:48:07,408 I said, just keep movin- 865 00:48:07,409 --> 00:48:09,375 I'm not yelling, I'm just telling you to let me 866 00:48:09,376 --> 00:48:12,377 finish talking to Church... No, I'll tell him 867 00:48:12,378 --> 00:48:16,144 you said 'hi' later. No you can't talk to him. How 868 00:48:16,145 --> 00:48:18,301 could you possibly talk to him on my headset? 869 00:48:18,624 --> 00:48:23,417 Oh my God. I can't believe I actually died for this war. 870 00:48:25,117 --> 00:48:26,471 I don't see any... 871 00:48:26,751 --> 00:48:28,988 Uh uh, yep, there's one. 872 00:48:31,784 --> 00:48:33,751 Why is he just standing there? 873 00:48:33,752 --> 00:48:37,003 Caboose, get behind the rock. They can still see you. 874 00:48:37,004 --> 00:48:40,837 They can't see me. I can't see them! 875 00:48:41,008 --> 00:48:43,420 That's because you're facing the rock. 876 00:48:43,719 --> 00:48:45,057 Oh. Right. 877 00:48:46,049 --> 00:48:48,197 Real smooth, dipshit. 878 00:48:48,198 --> 00:48:52,356 They're definitely Special Ops. I ain't seen troop movements 879 00:48:52,357 --> 00:48:55,827 this coordinated since my days on Sidewi... geekagerger! 880 00:48:55,947 --> 00:48:57,825 Sir, are you okay? 881 00:48:58,729 --> 00:49:01,185 Uh, who you talking to, Red, me? 882 00:49:01,501 --> 00:49:06,641 No. I'm talking to Lopez. Because, you know, that's real rewarding. 883 00:49:08,517 --> 00:49:09,976 Hey, what'd I tell you about that? 884 00:49:10,062 --> 00:49:16,245 Oh, uh I, I'm fine, that's... I'm just so mad about, these uh, God 885 00:49:16,246 --> 00:49:20,181 damn blues out here. 'tslike I'm so God damn mad, I could spit! 886 00:49:23,702 --> 00:49:27,098 ...Um, sir? Did you just spit inside your own helmet? 887 00:49:27,099 --> 00:49:29,902 Uh, yeah. I guess I did. 888 00:49:29,903 --> 00:49:31,192 Permission to speak freely, sir? 889 00:49:31,193 --> 00:49:32,115 Go ahead. 890 00:49:32,116 --> 00:49:33,557 That's really fucking gross. 891 00:49:33,558 --> 00:49:34,560 Hey Tucker? 892 00:49:34,561 --> 00:49:35,372 What? 893 00:49:35,787 --> 00:49:39,997 I'm having a really good time... with... you. 894 00:49:39,998 --> 00:49:41,295 That's great, Caboose. 895 00:49:41,296 --> 00:49:44,703 Yeah, it's like we're real soldiers. 896 00:49:45,025 --> 00:49:47,240 Would you please go hide behind another rock? 897 00:49:49,233 --> 00:49:51,640 Hey man. What's up yo? 898 00:49:51,911 --> 00:49:55,816 Uh... hey... what's going on out there sir? 899 00:49:56,213 --> 00:49:59,937 What's uh, why, nothin'. Why would you ask if something's wrong? 900 00:49:59,938 --> 00:50:02,665 I think that's a perfectly normal question in a time of war. 901 00:50:02,943 --> 00:50:07,003 Yeah well, I don't know. You're starting to act kinda suspicious 902 00:50:07,004 --> 00:50:11,412 there, ...other red guy. So I'm keeping my eye on you. 903 00:50:11,413 --> 00:50:13,312 Sarge, I'm starting to think that- 904 00:50:13,587 --> 00:50:15,393 Ow, geez, the back of my head! 905 00:50:15,394 --> 00:50:16,776 What the hell are you doing!? 906 00:50:17,307 --> 00:50:20,542 Tex! It's me, Church! I've come to rescue you. 907 00:50:20,738 --> 00:50:22,472 You're kind of short to be Church. 908 00:50:22,634 --> 00:50:25,423 What? Oh yeah, right. The armor. 909 00:50:25,424 --> 00:50:33,281 Harurgh! What in sam Hell? Where the-Who spit on my visor? 910 00:50:33,653 --> 00:50:37,173 Tex, there's not much time to explain, so I'm just gonna give you the summary here, okay? 911 00:50:37,324 --> 00:50:41,788 I'm a spirit now, and I'm trapped in the physical world. I possessed this red guy, so that 912 00:50:41,789 --> 00:50:45,969 I could sneak in to the base and rescue you, while the rest of our guys run around out 913 00:50:45,970 --> 00:50:48,010 in the middle of the canyon, dressed in black armor, 914 00:50:48,152 --> 00:50:50,032 that they got from going through the teleporter. 915 00:50:50,885 --> 00:50:51,385 ...Okay. 916 00:50:51,653 --> 00:50:56,003 What... that's it? Okay? You're not surprised by any of this? 917 00:50:56,248 --> 00:50:58,970 No, it pretty much all makes sense. 918 00:50:58,971 --> 00:51:01,498 Not even the whole "Church is a ghost" thing? 919 00:51:01,499 --> 00:51:02,822 That didn't do anything for ya? 920 00:51:02,823 --> 00:51:05,166 I can see right through you, it's pretty obvious... 921 00:51:05,723 --> 00:51:08,444 Okay, well, let me hop back in this guy and we'll get outta here. 922 00:51:09,694 --> 00:51:10,548 Harurghk! 923 00:51:11,069 --> 00:51:12,229 What're you doing? 924 00:51:12,230 --> 00:51:20,230 One of the reds has Tex. I'm going to shoot him, and kill him, and free Tex. 925 00:51:21,675 --> 00:51:26,426 Then Church will forgive me for killing him, and we will be friends. 926 00:51:28,022 --> 00:51:31,374 Oh, come on, you don't actually believe any of that, do you? 927 00:51:31,748 --> 00:51:35,632 Ohhh, we're gonna be best friends. 928 00:51:36,023 --> 00:51:39,019 Alright, I'll make one more distraction, then you run up 929 00:51:39,020 --> 00:51:44,940 to the teleporter, and escape. Ready? One... Two... Three! 930 00:51:45,665 --> 00:51:52,907 What the? Where did my body go? Oh, you've gotta be KIDDING me! 931 00:51:52,908 --> 00:51:53,995 Tucker did it! 932 00:51:55,472 --> 00:51:56,549 (echoing) Hello? 933 00:52:03,855 --> 00:52:06,605 Hello? I said hello? 934 00:52:08,569 --> 00:52:11,011 Hel-o. Is anybody out here? 935 00:52:12,201 --> 00:52:15,712 Holy cow, would you stop yelling? I'm here. 936 00:52:17,632 --> 00:52:19,073 What is this place? 937 00:52:19,544 --> 00:52:25,153 Well, that's... kinda hard to explain. Uhm... 938 00:52:25,154 --> 00:52:28,971 You were shot in the head, buddy. So, here you are. 939 00:52:29,832 --> 00:52:30,954 Am I dead? 940 00:52:31,295 --> 00:52:35,749 Are you dead, well, yeah, that's how I ended up here. 941 00:52:35,963 --> 00:52:37,873 Are you some kinda Angel? 942 00:52:38,275 --> 00:52:39,826 Aheh heh heh... am I an angel.. 943 00:52:40,930 --> 00:52:45,008 Uh, yeah, actually, I am, I'm an Angel. Um, do you wanna go to Heaven? 944 00:52:45,009 --> 00:52:47,068 'Cause it's, like, ten bucks to get in. 945 00:52:47,069 --> 00:52:51,738 Well I uh, I didn't really bring any, I mean, my wallet's back in the car. 946 00:52:51,739 --> 00:52:54,650 Hey you don't have it there, huh? Well uh, that's too bad. 947 00:52:55,748 --> 00:52:58,137 Pretty crappy reason to be damned to Hell for an eternity. 948 00:52:58,138 --> 00:52:59,451 I don't remember dyin' 949 00:52:59,932 --> 00:53:03,708 Yeah, that's my fault too. I was... sort of possessing your 950 00:53:03,709 --> 00:53:06,914 body at the time that you were shot. Sorry about that. 951 00:53:06,915 --> 00:53:09,221 Hold on a second, that ain't fair. 952 00:53:09,222 --> 00:53:13,799 Not fair? Yeah, join the fricking club. I got shot by my own tank. 953 00:53:14,376 --> 00:53:15,774 Target locked. 954 00:53:16,437 --> 00:53:21,244 Oh ha ha, very funny Sheila. Shut up. You know I still haven't forgiven you. I didn't 955 00:53:21,245 --> 00:53:26,359 say you could talk to me yet. Go there and get, go, get, go for the base. Shoo, shoo! 956 00:53:31,747 --> 00:53:35,997 Sarge! Don't you give up on me soldier, do you hear me? I'm ordering you! 957 00:53:35,998 --> 00:53:38,505 Who is that? Who's there? 958 00:53:38,506 --> 00:53:40,141 Looks like your guys are trying to save you. 959 00:53:40,142 --> 00:53:43,872 You gotta breathe, man! You gotta pull through! Come on, Sarge! 960 00:53:44,204 --> 00:53:47,104 That is not the way you were trained to do that, Private! 961 00:53:47,330 --> 00:53:48,535 He can't hear you. 962 00:53:48,536 --> 00:53:51,931 Grif, this isn't working. We have to try something else. 963 00:53:51,932 --> 00:53:54,046 If he gives you mouth to mouth, I'm leaving. 964 00:53:55,308 --> 00:53:57,008 ...Maybe you should give him mouth to mouth. 965 00:53:57,009 --> 00:53:58,226 I'm leaving. 966 00:53:58,227 --> 00:54:01,169 I can't believe how hard they're trying to save me. 967 00:54:01,170 --> 00:54:04,718 Why wouldn't they? I mean, my team didn't, but, why wouldn't yours? 968 00:54:04,719 --> 00:54:06,477 I thought they didn't like me. 969 00:54:06,803 --> 00:54:09,990 Aw, don't sell yourself short. I don't even know ya, and 970 00:54:09,991 --> 00:54:12,626 here I am about to guide you to Heaven for only five bucks. 971 00:54:12,627 --> 00:54:17,439 Hold on, if you're an Angel, how come you ain't got no wings? 972 00:54:17,440 --> 00:54:19,895 Because nobody rang a bell, ah heh heh heh. 973 00:54:19,896 --> 00:54:21,712 Seriously, do you have the money or don't you? 974 00:54:21,713 --> 00:54:26,399 Oh I feel the worst about Grif. I always made fun of him. 975 00:54:27,361 --> 00:54:31,458 I never even told him, he was my son. 976 00:54:31,459 --> 00:54:34,198 No way, the orange guy is your son? 977 00:54:34,199 --> 00:54:37,836 Naw, I just wanted to screw with him one last time. 978 00:54:37,837 --> 00:54:41,638 But now I'll never get that chance. 979 00:54:42,100 --> 00:54:44,751 He's breathing! We saved Sarge! 980 00:54:44,752 --> 00:54:45,907 I'm what? 981 00:54:45,908 --> 00:54:46,836 He's what? 982 00:54:47,666 --> 00:54:51,416 Well I'll be a monkey's... they saved me. 983 00:54:52,470 --> 00:54:56,470 What? No, come back! We need to even the sides! 984 00:54:56,471 --> 00:55:02,570 Thanks for your help, wingless Angel fella! Will I remember any of this? 985 00:55:03,371 --> 00:55:05,494 Yes, but only if you give me two dollars! 986 00:55:08,450 --> 00:55:11,895 There. What... what happened here? 987 00:55:12,312 --> 00:55:15,850 Sir, you got shot in the head, so we gave you CPR and saved you, sir. 988 00:55:16,028 --> 00:55:19,095 I always believed in you, Simmons. 989 00:55:19,096 --> 00:55:22,416 Uh, actually, it's Grif you should thank sir. 990 00:55:22,417 --> 00:55:23,307 He did all the work. 991 00:55:23,625 --> 00:55:24,715 Grif? 992 00:55:25,031 --> 00:55:25,951 Yes sir. 993 00:55:27,091 --> 00:55:31,766 Grif, why in Hell would you give somebody CPR for a bullet 994 00:55:31,767 --> 00:55:35,897 wound in the head!? That doesn't make a lick of sense. 995 00:55:36,090 --> 00:55:38,873 You're welcome, sir. 996 00:55:39,124 --> 00:55:44,775 I mean it's all so damn inconsistent. What would you do if they stabbed me in the toe, rub my neck with aloe vera? 997 00:55:47,318 --> 00:55:49,745 Dude, this is sweet! Command was so happy that I got 998 00:55:49,969 --> 00:55:52,589 the blue flag, they gave me my own color armor! 999 00:55:55,667 --> 00:55:57,126 Uh... hey Donut? 1000 00:55:57,480 --> 00:55:57,955 What? 1001 00:55:57,956 --> 00:55:59,824 Um, about your armor... 1002 00:56:00,039 --> 00:56:01,306 What about it? 1003 00:56:01,307 --> 00:56:07,477 How do I put this... Your armor is, um... It's a little, um... 1004 00:56:08,407 --> 00:56:10,090 Grif, uh, you wanna help me out here? 1005 00:56:10,349 --> 00:56:13,067 It's pink. Your armor is fricking pink! 1006 00:56:13,383 --> 00:56:16,547 Yeah, that's it. Pink. 1007 00:56:16,728 --> 00:56:18,680 Pink, my armor's not pink. 1008 00:56:18,826 --> 00:56:19,823 Pink. 1009 00:56:19,824 --> 00:56:21,672 Yeah, definitely pink. 1010 00:56:22,002 --> 00:56:26,208 You guys are colorblind. Why would they give me pink armor? 1011 00:56:26,463 --> 00:56:28,649 Hey, donask, dontell. 1012 00:56:28,965 --> 00:56:31,230 Heh, that's not funny. 1013 00:56:31,231 --> 00:56:33,787 It's a little funny. 1014 00:56:33,788 --> 00:56:38,127 Look at it, it's not pink. It's like uh... a lightish red. 1015 00:56:38,690 --> 00:56:41,700 Guess what: they already have a color for lightish red. 1016 00:56:41,701 --> 00:56:43,511 You know what it's called? Pink. 1017 00:56:44,859 --> 00:56:46,058 I hate you guys. 1018 00:56:46,944 --> 00:56:51,492 Well hello, dirtbags... and a fine hello to you, madam. 1019 00:56:51,678 --> 00:56:53,312 It's light red. 1020 00:56:54,366 --> 00:56:56,421 Don't get your panties in a wad there, Barbie. 1021 00:56:57,822 --> 00:56:59,329 Do you have a package for me? 1022 00:56:59,731 --> 00:57:00,548 Yessir. 1023 00:57:00,669 --> 00:57:01,730 Excellent. 1024 00:57:01,731 --> 00:57:04,080 They said this speech unit should work with Lopez. 1025 00:57:05,260 --> 00:57:06,617 Speech unit? 1026 00:57:06,618 --> 00:57:07,476 Here you go. 1027 00:57:07,834 --> 00:57:11,252 Affirmative. Command was fresh out of speech modules 1028 00:57:11,253 --> 00:57:14,181 when I first started building Lopez, but once I 1029 00:57:14,182 --> 00:57:17,276 get this baby installed, I'll finally have someone 1030 00:57:17,277 --> 00:57:21,355 intelligent to talk to... No offense, Simmons. 1031 00:57:21,927 --> 00:57:23,808 Oh, don't worry, I know who you meant sir. 1032 00:57:23,809 --> 00:57:26,358 Wait a second, Lopez is a robot? 1033 00:57:26,359 --> 00:57:29,044 Of course he is. You didn't notice that he never talks? 1034 00:57:29,045 --> 00:57:31,424 I just thought he was a really quiet guy. 1035 00:57:31,982 --> 00:57:36,580 And the fact that he sleeps standing up and drinks motor oil didn't get your attention. 1036 00:57:36,581 --> 00:57:39,139 Well I, I did think the motor oil thing was a bit odd... 1037 00:57:39,699 --> 00:57:41,681 Uh, I just thought he was trying to impress me. 1038 00:57:41,947 --> 00:57:45,780 Hey, sir. You really should ground yourself before handling that card. 1039 00:57:46,063 --> 00:57:46,981 How come? 1040 00:57:46,982 --> 00:57:49,204 Because static could damage the card. 1041 00:57:49,205 --> 00:57:52,687 Come on. That's an urban legend they use to sell those stupid bracelets. 1042 00:57:53,791 --> 00:57:57,272 And I suppose pop rocks and soda's gonna make my stomach blow up! 1043 00:57:57,599 --> 00:57:58,540 Yow! 1044 00:57:58,816 --> 00:58:01,176 Sir. I won't say I told you so, sir. 1045 00:58:01,531 --> 00:58:05,774 Good. I'd hate to make Strawberry Shortcake here my new favorite Private. 1046 00:58:05,910 --> 00:58:08,702 It's not pink, it's lightish red! 1047 00:58:10,163 --> 00:58:16,093 Ah, man, uh, you know, this stuff does not come off easy? 1048 00:58:16,619 --> 00:58:20,698 Yeah, this was a lot easier when we were cleaning just my armor. 1049 00:58:20,699 --> 00:58:25,457 Yeah, I know that, that's I think because you know uh, you didn't do anything. 1050 00:58:26,009 --> 00:58:28,520 I'm sorry, what? It's kind of hard to hear you 1051 00:58:28,521 --> 00:58:30,554 over the sound of your constant team-killing. 1052 00:58:30,828 --> 00:58:34,526 Ah, ah, aaahhhh ha ha ha ha ah yeah, ah yeah 1053 00:58:34,527 --> 00:58:38,834 aha, ahhhhhhhhhhhhh... Don't make me mad. 1054 00:58:38,835 --> 00:58:43,403 So, what happened to me anyway? I recall something about a spider on my head? 1055 00:58:43,542 --> 00:58:45,587 Right. That was a grenade. 1056 00:58:45,588 --> 00:58:50,197 And the last thing I remember, is a loud bang, and then Simmons fainting... 1057 00:58:50,519 --> 00:58:52,007 Ha! Told you so! 1058 00:58:52,014 --> 00:58:53,300 I did not faint. 1059 00:58:54,106 --> 00:59:00,242 Done and done. Lopez. Activate speech unit! 1060 00:59:02,243 --> 00:59:09,059 Buenos días. Y la gracias da por activar mi función del discurso. Soy el número de 1061 00:59:09,060 --> 00:59:12,476 modelo cero uno cero uno uno tres... 1062 00:59:12,477 --> 00:59:14,957 Am I the only one not understanding any of this? 1063 00:59:15,297 --> 00:59:16,982 Me llamo es Lopez. 1064 00:59:16,983 --> 00:59:20,843 Lopez, he just said Lopez! I understood that. 1065 00:59:21,173 --> 00:59:22,611 I can speak Spanish! 1066 00:59:23,142 --> 00:59:26,896 Lopez. Speak, English. 1067 00:59:27,641 --> 00:59:33,117 Mi procesador Inglés tiene malfunctioned. Sé habla solamente español. 1068 00:59:33,319 --> 00:59:37,588 Huh, I think you shorted out his speech unit with that static, sir. 1069 00:59:38,366 --> 00:59:41,148 Maybe Princess Peach here picked up the wrong model. 1070 00:59:41,275 --> 00:59:44,297 Seriously dude. For the last time. Not pink. 1071 00:59:44,298 --> 00:59:50,562 Lopez. I order you to speak a language we understand. 1072 00:59:50,804 --> 00:59:51,973 Negativo. 1073 00:59:51,974 --> 00:59:59,974 Well this is just dandy. Lopez. How, do, we, fix, your, speech, u, -nit? 1074 01:00:03,047 --> 01:00:06,324 Why are you talking so slow? He understands us just fine. 1075 01:00:06,325 --> 01:00:08,202 Maybe you should try listening slower. 1076 01:00:08,491 --> 01:00:11,123 Lopez, would you like to shoot Grif? 1077 01:00:11,220 --> 01:00:13,566 Sí señor. Gracias. 1078 01:00:15,494 --> 01:00:17,560 As far as I'm concerned, I'm square with you. 1079 01:00:18,079 --> 01:00:22,172 I saved you from a life of imprisonment. How the hell are you square with me? 1080 01:00:23,632 --> 01:00:26,885 Because I didn't kill you back at Sidewinder. 1081 01:00:28,240 --> 01:00:29,910 You know, I don't really see how not killing 1082 01:00:29,911 --> 01:00:32,859 somebody is the same thing as doing them a favor. 1083 01:00:33,732 --> 01:00:37,161 Well, if you don't appreciate it, I could just kill you right now. 1084 01:00:37,162 --> 01:00:40,892 No you can't, I'm already dead, bitch! I guess the joke's on you! 1085 01:00:40,893 --> 01:00:48,893 Stop it! Stop fighting. Can't you see that you're tearing us apart? WHAT ABOUT US? 1086 01:00:50,093 --> 01:00:51,415 What about you? 1087 01:00:51,690 --> 01:00:58,018 We helped you too. And what do we get? Nothing! 1088 01:00:58,019 --> 01:00:59,155 Well yeah, but... 1089 01:00:59,156 --> 01:01:01,443 Yeah, but nothin'. He's got a point. 1090 01:01:01,724 --> 01:01:03,468 I did help them get the flag back. 1091 01:01:03,753 --> 01:01:07,565 Yeah, but you were paid to do that. We rescued you as a favor. We could have just 1092 01:01:07,566 --> 01:01:10,738 let you rot in the red army prison, it wouldn't have made any difference to us. 1093 01:01:11,315 --> 01:01:14,962 Fine, I'll stay here as long as it takes to help you guys win this thing. 1094 01:01:15,724 --> 01:01:19,692 As soon as I have, I'm outta here. What do you need me to do? 1095 01:01:20,112 --> 01:01:23,453 I have no idea. If you knew how to fix a tank, I would have you do that. 1096 01:01:23,918 --> 01:01:24,899 ...okay. 1097 01:01:25,398 --> 01:01:30,713 Wait, you know how to fix Sheila? ...I love you. 1098 01:01:30,714 --> 01:01:34,675 Entonces la décias "tu nos pesos más, yo peso más." 1099 01:01:34,676 --> 01:01:38,174 Entonces pusieron los de nuestros cuerpos sobre la 1100 01:01:38,175 --> 01:01:41,597 escala y fue determinado quién tenía el peso más grande. 1101 01:01:41,709 --> 01:01:46,092 Después de eso me llamarían Lopez la Pesado. 1102 01:01:46,444 --> 01:01:49,485 Man. First he doesn't talk at all, and now we 1103 01:01:49,486 --> 01:01:51,421 can't get him to shut up. What's he saying? 1104 01:01:51,728 --> 01:01:52,942 What're you asking me for? 1105 01:01:53,088 --> 01:01:57,797 Well you know, because you're of uh, a Latino persuasion. 1106 01:01:57,983 --> 01:02:00,700 Simmons isn't a Spanish name, you dumbass. I'm Dutch Irish. 1107 01:02:00,832 --> 01:02:01,926 But I thought- 1108 01:02:01,927 --> 01:02:02,630 What. 1109 01:02:02,765 --> 01:02:04,197 Eh, never mind. 1110 01:02:06,538 --> 01:02:07,663 ...I'm from Iowa. 1111 01:02:07,664 --> 01:02:08,860 Nobody cares! 1112 01:02:12,557 --> 01:02:15,108 Okay, take it easy guys, when I was over at 1113 01:02:15,109 --> 01:02:16,982 the red base, I saw that they've already got 1114 01:02:16,983 --> 01:02:19,825 their jeep fixed. So whatever you do, don't let 1115 01:02:19,826 --> 01:02:22,875 'em see us before we get Sheila back online. 1116 01:02:23,582 --> 01:02:27,833 Okay, okay. Even if we get Sheila fixed, how are we going 1117 01:02:27,834 --> 01:02:30,829 to turn her over, I mean it's not as if we could just lift! 1118 01:02:32,527 --> 01:02:36,311 Oh. She is a very strong lady. 1119 01:02:37,082 --> 01:02:39,550 I'm the one that's the least visible, so I'm gonna head up here to higher 1120 01:02:39,551 --> 01:02:43,472 ground, I'll keep an eye on the red base. If I see anything, I'll let you know. 1121 01:02:43,737 --> 01:02:45,564 Great, I'll come with you! 1122 01:02:45,854 --> 01:02:47,635 That kinda defeats the purpose, Caboose. 1123 01:02:48,452 --> 01:02:53,013 Okay. What if I'm really... really... 1124 01:02:53,935 --> 01:02:54,757 quiet? 1125 01:02:55,299 --> 01:02:58,394 Do you even understand what the term 'visibility' means? 1126 01:02:58,395 --> 01:03:03,005 Ah hah hah, uhh.... good one Church. 1127 01:03:03,006 --> 01:03:04,911 Seriously. You don't know what it means, do you. 1128 01:03:05,083 --> 01:03:06,354 Uh no. 1129 01:03:07,337 --> 01:03:11,624 Caboose, just stay here man, and try not to swallow your tongue or anything like that. 1130 01:03:12,498 --> 01:03:15,244 Just watch the red base, and tell us if you see any movement. 1131 01:03:17,749 --> 01:03:21,030 So, I suppose if you're helping us, you're not as mean as I thought. 1132 01:03:21,619 --> 01:03:25,568 I wouldn't say I'm mean, I just get hired to do mean things. 1133 01:03:25,569 --> 01:03:27,025 Yeah, but you like it. 1134 01:03:27,892 --> 01:03:30,166 Well I think it's important to enjoy what you do. 1135 01:03:30,167 --> 01:03:37,118 So let's say I paid you to kill Caboose. You would still do it, right? 1136 01:03:37,119 --> 01:03:38,887 Even though you're supposed to be helping us? 1137 01:03:39,860 --> 01:03:44,007 Is this a hypothetical discussion, or should we start talking numbers? 1138 01:03:44,008 --> 01:03:46,241 Yeah, I don't wanna talk about this any more. 1139 01:03:46,242 --> 01:03:47,460 Hey Tucker! 1140 01:03:47,461 --> 01:03:48,130 What!? 1141 01:03:48,131 --> 01:03:50,771 What the hell is my body still doing up here? 1142 01:03:50,772 --> 01:03:53,536 That's part of being dead, Church. Your body doesn't really move 1143 01:03:53,537 --> 01:03:56,806 around much any more. Maybe you haven't fully grasped the concept yet. 1144 01:03:56,807 --> 01:03:58,806 Alright, well let me rephrase that then. Why 1145 01:03:58,807 --> 01:04:01,349 in the hell haven't you buried my body yet? 1146 01:04:01,350 --> 01:04:05,152 Buried? With what? All we have are pistols and rifles. 1147 01:04:05,490 --> 01:04:07,811 What do you want me to do, shoot you a grave? 1148 01:04:07,812 --> 01:04:09,826 Well then how about shipping me back home. You 1149 01:04:09,827 --> 01:04:12,367 know, let the loved ones pay a little respect. 1150 01:04:12,368 --> 01:04:16,150 Well Church, here's your girlfriend. Tex, as one of 1151 01:04:16,151 --> 01:04:19,259 Church's loved ones, would you like to pay your respects? 1152 01:04:22,300 --> 01:04:25,404 That was a stirring eulogy. Rest in peace, good buddy! 1153 01:04:34,669 --> 01:04:35,744 I am not happy about this. 1154 01:04:36,368 --> 01:04:43,149 I have an idea... I have an idea! 1155 01:04:43,150 --> 01:04:46,474 Yeah, we heard you the first time, Caboose, we were just ignoring you. 1156 01:04:46,475 --> 01:04:49,541 Since you possessed that red guy, and took control 1157 01:04:49,542 --> 01:04:54,620 of him, why don't you just possess your own body? 1158 01:04:55,030 --> 01:04:59,208 Oh I see, so that way I would be living inside of my own dead body. 1159 01:04:59,671 --> 01:05:00,189 Yes. 1160 01:05:00,300 --> 01:05:05,303 Unable to move, just, laying there, rotting in the sun for all eternity. 1161 01:05:05,304 --> 01:05:06,395 Yes. 1162 01:05:06,396 --> 01:05:08,887 Okay Caboose, I'll be sure to get right on that. 1163 01:05:09,375 --> 01:05:11,360 I think you are a mean ghost. 1164 01:05:11,361 --> 01:05:12,558 Dude, you really stink. 1165 01:05:13,302 --> 01:05:13,802 What? 1166 01:05:14,222 --> 01:05:15,960 Your body, it stinks. 1167 01:05:16,329 --> 01:05:20,156 Tucker, the first chance we get, you are going to bury my body. 1168 01:05:20,599 --> 01:05:23,343 Quit your bitching, nothing's going to happen to it. 1169 01:05:23,344 --> 01:05:26,642 It's a freaking indignity! My body fought hard for 1170 01:05:26,643 --> 01:05:29,726 this army, and it deserves to be laid to rest. 1171 01:05:30,161 --> 01:05:33,828 Get over it, you're already dead. What's the worst that could happen now? 1172 01:05:34,246 --> 01:05:40,497 Hey, Church, look, birds! Why are they flying around in circles? 1173 01:05:40,498 --> 01:05:41,892 Nuh, God. 1174 01:05:42,695 --> 01:05:49,410 Okay, I'll go again. I spy something, that begins with... 1175 01:05:49,411 --> 01:05:50,312 Dirt. 1176 01:05:50,313 --> 01:05:51,643 Damn! How did you- 1177 01:05:51,644 --> 01:05:53,975 Well, because you did rock last time. That's 1178 01:05:53,976 --> 01:05:56,470 all that's out here, is rock and dirt. 1179 01:05:57,285 --> 01:05:59,394 Yeah, this canyon sucks. 1180 01:05:59,395 --> 01:06:01,971 How long do you figure until Tex fixes the tank? 1181 01:06:02,244 --> 01:06:05,194 Not much longer, she said it's going pretty well. The gun's 1182 01:06:05,195 --> 01:06:07,239 almost working, and then she'll get it moving again. 1183 01:06:07,240 --> 01:06:08,981 Oh, that's just fantastic. 1184 01:06:09,495 --> 01:06:11,000 Why would that upset you? 1185 01:06:11,001 --> 01:06:13,202 Because as soon as she gets the tank online, she's gonna 1186 01:06:13,231 --> 01:06:15,854 use it against the reds, and they're all gonna die. 1187 01:06:15,977 --> 01:06:17,670 The reds dying is a good thing. 1188 01:06:17,938 --> 01:06:23,293 No Tucker, it's not a good thing. As soon as we beat the reds, Tex is outta here. 1189 01:06:24,042 --> 01:06:27,282 And I still haven't figured out a way to get that A.I. out of her head. 1190 01:06:27,283 --> 01:06:28,924 A.I. 1191 01:06:28,925 --> 01:06:32,553 Shut up, Caboose. And if I don't get it out before she leaves... 1192 01:06:32,554 --> 01:06:34,443 If she leaves you won't ever find her again. 1193 01:06:34,444 --> 01:06:35,269 Right. 1194 01:06:35,270 --> 01:06:36,453 So what're you gonna do? 1195 01:06:36,715 --> 01:06:39,619 I guess I'm gonna do the only thing that I can do. 1196 01:06:40,013 --> 01:06:42,677 I have to warn the reds before she fixes the tank. 1197 01:06:42,769 --> 01:06:44,305 You're switching sides? 1198 01:06:44,306 --> 01:06:46,759 Sorry guys. I don't have much choice. 1199 01:06:47,195 --> 01:06:54,067 Church, uh, wha, what happens when the reds out here, to stop 1200 01:06:54,384 --> 01:06:59,365 Tex, and then they come also with guns and they find us? 1201 01:06:59,661 --> 01:07:03,389 I'll try to help you as best I can. Good luck guys. 1202 01:07:04,366 --> 01:07:07,058 Does this mean I should try to kill Church now? 1203 01:07:07,059 --> 01:07:10,732 I tell you what. Kill me. I promise not to come back. 1204 01:07:12,874 --> 01:07:16,009 Hey! Look at this! 1205 01:07:16,383 --> 01:07:17,193 No. 1206 01:07:17,194 --> 01:07:20,680 They have, a girl. They have a girl! 1207 01:07:20,838 --> 01:07:21,918 A what? 1208 01:07:21,919 --> 01:07:24,499 A girl, a girl! Look, pink armor! 1209 01:07:24,712 --> 01:07:27,388 Oh man, how come they get a girl? 1210 01:07:27,823 --> 01:07:30,089 Uh, you guys realize that I'm a chick, right? 1211 01:07:30,090 --> 01:07:33,009 And that I'm standin' right here? 1212 01:07:33,010 --> 01:07:36,161 Yeah Tex, but when we say a girl, we mean a girl girl. 1213 01:07:36,659 --> 01:07:38,300 And what the hell does that mean? 1214 01:07:39,046 --> 01:07:39,546 Nothing! 1215 01:07:41,995 --> 01:07:44,888 Wait a second. If Tex heard that, do you think she 1216 01:07:44,889 --> 01:07:47,434 heard Church's secret plan to warn the reds about her? 1217 01:07:47,435 --> 01:07:53,141 I don't know... but I think I know how to find out. 1218 01:07:54,866 --> 01:08:01,628 Hey... Tex! Uh... Did you hear Church's secret plan 1219 01:08:01,629 --> 01:08:06,636 to tell the reds that you were fixing the tank? 1220 01:08:12,063 --> 01:08:17,472 I don't think she knows... 1221 01:08:24,274 --> 01:08:24,957 Hey. 1222 01:08:25,193 --> 01:08:25,995 Yeah? 1223 01:08:26,173 --> 01:08:27,649 You ever wonder why we're here? 1224 01:08:28,661 --> 01:08:33,132 No. I never, ever wonder why we're here. Semper Fi, bitch. 1225 01:08:33,570 --> 01:08:34,912 Keegakergerk! 1226 01:08:34,982 --> 01:08:36,713 What? What's wrong with Lopez? 1227 01:08:36,714 --> 01:08:37,618 I don't care. 1228 01:08:37,619 --> 01:08:39,542 Hey, Lopez, uh... you okay man? 1229 01:08:48,963 --> 01:08:50,690 Um... Sure... 1230 01:08:56,827 --> 01:08:59,894 Aw, crap. Caboose, she's almost done fixing Sheila. 1231 01:08:59,895 --> 01:09:02,145 I better radio Church and tell him what's going on. 1232 01:09:02,304 --> 01:09:06,866 Oh, oh, oh, Tucker please, Tucker, Tucker, Tucker, Tucker, Tucker, please- 1233 01:09:06,867 --> 01:09:08,944 Yes, you can be the one who radios Church. 1234 01:09:09,113 --> 01:09:10,619 Thanks man. 1235 01:09:11,728 --> 01:09:18,390 Calling Church. Come in Church. This is your 1236 01:09:18,391 --> 01:09:22,367 close, personal friend, Private O'Malley. 1237 01:09:22,368 --> 01:09:25,267 O'Malley? You said your name was Caboose. 1238 01:09:25,268 --> 01:09:27,358 I never said that, you guys did! 1239 01:09:27,359 --> 01:09:28,815 Why didn't you correct us? 1240 01:09:28,939 --> 01:09:31,072 Because I didn't want to be difficult. 1241 01:09:31,435 --> 01:09:36,727 Come in Private Church. Do you copy. Soldier unit Tex 1242 01:09:36,728 --> 01:09:41,128 almost has the armor vehicle situation rectified. 1243 01:09:41,484 --> 01:09:46,798 Okay. We require verification of your... mission... 1244 01:09:46,962 --> 01:09:51,710 ness. (clears throat) How is your progression? 1245 01:10:01,250 --> 01:10:02,776 ...He says he wants to talk to you. 1246 01:10:03,028 --> 01:10:06,885 Thank you for activating the M808V Main Battle Tank. 1247 01:10:07,053 --> 01:10:10,167 Oh shit. We got trouble. 1248 01:10:10,322 --> 01:10:14,419 Un tanque... grrrande. 1249 01:10:14,420 --> 01:10:18,990 Hey. I think if you're gonna live in this country, you should speak the language. 1250 01:10:18,991 --> 01:10:21,291 What country? We're on an alien planet. 1251 01:10:21,292 --> 01:10:22,531 What're you, a Communist? 1252 01:10:23,571 --> 01:10:24,682 Son of a bitch! 1253 01:10:24,683 --> 01:10:25,480 Son of a bitch! 1254 01:10:25,556 --> 01:10:27,316 ¡MADRE DE DIOS! 1255 01:10:27,814 --> 01:10:30,543 Okay, I'm getting really sick of asking people 1256 01:10:30,544 --> 01:10:32,184 what's going on through that sniper rifle. 1257 01:10:32,373 --> 01:10:34,069 Church is getting mad at us. 1258 01:10:34,270 --> 01:10:37,181 Ohhhhh. Well that's a nice change of pace. 1259 01:10:37,454 --> 01:10:40,889 Simmons. I'm coming around in the Warthog. Get 1260 01:10:40,890 --> 01:10:43,480 ready to take the gunner position when I come by. 1261 01:10:43,481 --> 01:10:44,456 Roger that. 1262 01:10:45,386 --> 01:10:47,204 I'll uh... I'll stay here. 1263 01:10:47,509 --> 01:10:50,327 Yeah. Stay here, and guard this cement ramp. 1264 01:10:50,328 --> 01:10:52,191 It's vital to our success. 1265 01:10:54,213 --> 01:10:55,378 Alright, I'm on board. 1266 01:10:55,379 --> 01:10:57,195 Alright, here's the plan- 1267 01:10:57,583 --> 01:10:58,747 JUNEBUG! 1268 01:11:02,110 --> 01:11:05,403 Wow, back so soon? You guys win the war already? 1269 01:11:06,011 --> 01:11:09,025 Yeah, uh, did you want to finish telling me the plan now, Sarge? 1270 01:11:09,026 --> 01:11:14,472 If we survive this, I'm gonna kill both of ya. Slowly. 1271 01:11:15,833 --> 01:11:19,220 Uh, hey Simmons? By the way. The ramp is secure. 1272 01:11:19,221 --> 01:11:20,704 Target locked. 1273 01:11:21,782 --> 01:11:23,754 Hey, what're you guys doin' up here!? 1274 01:11:23,755 --> 01:11:25,415 That chick in the black armor's back! 1275 01:11:25,416 --> 01:11:28,511 What chick, the one that stuck the grenade to my head? 1276 01:11:28,512 --> 01:11:29,564 That's the one. 1277 01:11:29,565 --> 01:11:32,890 The same chick whose fault it is that I'm stuck in this light red armor? 1278 01:11:32,891 --> 01:11:35,939 Donut, I understand the need to safeguard your masculinity, 1279 01:11:35,940 --> 01:11:39,129 but really dude. It's a whole lot faster just to say pink. 1280 01:11:39,130 --> 01:11:41,938 Ohhuw. Oh I been waiting for this. 1281 01:11:42,272 --> 01:11:46,447 Hey Bitch! Remember me!? I saved something for ya! 1282 01:11:56,563 --> 01:11:59,728 Man, that girl's got a really good arm. 1283 01:11:59,998 --> 01:12:02,287 Aw crap! 1284 01:12:02,830 --> 01:12:06,718 Hell yeah! Three points, you dirty whore! 1285 01:12:08,880 --> 01:12:10,485 ¡Dios mío, no! 1286 01:12:11,891 --> 01:12:13,279 ¡Tejas, Tejas! 1287 01:12:13,521 --> 01:12:15,369 Uh... where's Lopez going? 1288 01:12:15,575 --> 01:12:22,627 To fight the enemy, head on, in hand to hand combat. Mano e mano. 1289 01:12:22,628 --> 01:12:28,865 What a brave little compadre. Lopez, I never understood a word you said. 1290 01:12:28,866 --> 01:12:34,645 But I do know one thing. You hated Grif, and that's the 1291 01:12:34,646 --> 01:12:41,379 most important thing there is. Adios, amigo... Adios. 1292 01:12:41,854 --> 01:12:43,342 Shouldn't we help him? 1293 01:12:43,343 --> 01:12:47,461 Naw... That would just ruin the moment. 1294 01:12:48,486 --> 01:12:53,084 Church, is that you? It, it's gone, Church. 1295 01:12:53,156 --> 01:12:58,738 The A.I., it's gone. Thank you. Heeeee, bleah... 1296 01:12:58,739 --> 01:13:02,017 Crap. Church is gonna be pissed, and now he's got a body 1297 01:13:02,018 --> 01:13:05,394 to kick our ass. Come on Caboose, let's get back to base. 1298 01:13:05,558 --> 01:13:08,887 I told you, my name isn't Caboose... 1299 01:13:11,100 --> 01:13:14,892 My name... is... O'Malley... 1300 01:13:14,917 --> 01:13:19,728 © 2013 GV