1 00:00:19,645 --> 00:00:22,375 -323 to 584. 2 00:00:26,312 --> 00:00:28,811 -You watch "Castle" last night? 3 00:00:28,812 --> 00:00:31,311 -No. Melissa had the flu. 4 00:00:31,312 --> 00:00:33,144 -Ooh. Can I tell you one thing? 5 00:00:33,145 --> 00:00:34,677 -Uh-uh, no spoilers, man. 6 00:00:34,678 --> 00:00:36,511 -Excuse me. 7 00:00:36,512 --> 00:00:38,411 -What the-- 8 00:00:38,412 --> 00:00:43,144 -Excuse me. How much for sex with both of you, hmm? 9 00:00:43,145 --> 00:00:47,811 Also, I'd like to report a stolen pony. 10 00:00:47,812 --> 00:00:50,711 Come on, Ice Cream, let's go! 11 00:00:50,712 --> 00:00:53,444 Andale! 12 00:00:53,445 --> 00:00:55,177 -♪ We're too gangsta for TV 13 00:00:55,178 --> 00:00:57,111 ♪ That's why you don't see us ♪ 14 00:00:57,112 --> 00:00:58,777 ♪ But they still wanna be us ♪ 15 00:00:58,778 --> 00:01:01,277 Ha ha! 16 00:01:01,278 --> 00:01:03,777 -Yes, I'm on my way to the interview, Mom. 17 00:01:03,778 --> 00:01:07,044 Yeah, of course I brushed the back of my hair. 18 00:01:07,045 --> 00:01:09,577 Oh, shoot. Hey, Mom, can you Google whether someone 19 00:01:09,578 --> 00:01:12,477 can repossess your car while you're still driving it? 20 00:01:12,478 --> 00:01:14,911 Yeah, but he's still behind me. 21 00:01:14,912 --> 00:01:16,972 I'm on the phone, sir! 22 00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:20,277 Just remember, this is temporary. 23 00:01:20,278 --> 00:01:22,011 This is temporary. This is temporary. 24 00:01:22,012 --> 00:01:25,077 This is temporary. This is temporary. 25 00:01:25,078 --> 00:01:27,244 Hi, um, I'm Billie Brown. 26 00:01:27,245 --> 00:01:29,977 I'm here for the babysitter position. 27 00:01:29,978 --> 00:01:32,244 Oh, um, uh... 28 00:01:32,245 --> 00:01:33,244 Yo soy-- 29 00:01:33,245 --> 00:01:34,544 -You're the babysitter? 30 00:01:34,545 --> 00:01:36,944 -I'm here for the interview, sí. 31 00:01:36,945 --> 00:01:39,377 Yes, sí. Yes. 32 00:01:39,378 --> 00:01:40,848 I'll follow you. 33 00:01:45,278 --> 00:01:47,277 Yikes. -And is this where you put her? 34 00:01:47,278 --> 00:01:48,911 -Yes, in the sitting room. 35 00:01:48,912 --> 00:01:50,544 -Hello, hello! 36 00:01:50,545 --> 00:01:51,844 -Welcome! -Hi! 37 00:01:51,845 --> 00:01:54,077 -This is our home. Can you believe it? 38 00:01:54,078 --> 00:01:55,511 -No, that's great. Hi. 39 00:01:55,512 --> 00:01:58,511 -Please, sit. -Oh, that sounds like fun. 40 00:01:58,512 --> 00:01:59,977 -It's Wilhelmina, right? 41 00:01:59,978 --> 00:02:02,411 -Oh, or Billie. Most people call me Billie. 42 00:02:02,412 --> 00:02:03,677 -Or Bobbie? 43 00:02:03,678 --> 00:02:05,011 -Well, no. 44 00:02:05,012 --> 00:02:07,677 -This is my lovely wife, Tanzy, and I'm Kent. 45 00:02:07,678 --> 00:02:09,044 -Russell, yes. 46 00:02:09,045 --> 00:02:11,344 I just read an article about your new hybrid sports car line. 47 00:02:11,345 --> 00:02:12,844 It's so interesting to read about-- 48 00:02:12,845 --> 00:02:14,744 -It makes me uncomfortable 49 00:02:14,745 --> 00:02:18,811 when people tell me things I already know about myself. 50 00:02:18,812 --> 00:02:20,211 So we looked over your résumé. 51 00:02:20,212 --> 00:02:21,611 Very impressive. Harvard. 52 00:02:21,612 --> 00:02:23,211 Both: Wow. -Mm-hmm. 53 00:02:23,212 --> 00:02:24,211 -Oh, thank you, 54 00:02:24,212 --> 00:02:25,577 but it makes me uncomfortable 55 00:02:25,578 --> 00:02:27,844 when people tell me things I already know about myself. 56 00:02:27,845 --> 00:02:30,477 I don't understand. 57 00:02:31,478 --> 00:02:33,311 -Tanzy, do you understand? 58 00:02:33,312 --> 00:02:36,677 -No, I was just thinking about Danny DeVito. 59 00:02:36,678 --> 00:02:37,677 "Twins." 60 00:02:41,078 --> 00:02:42,477 -It's funny. 61 00:02:42,478 --> 00:02:44,944 Um, as you probably also noticed, 62 00:02:44,945 --> 00:02:47,077 I don't have a ton of nannying experience, 63 00:02:47,078 --> 00:02:48,477 but I love kids. 64 00:02:48,478 --> 00:02:50,411 I'm sure I'd get along great with your daughter. 65 00:02:50,412 --> 00:02:51,977 -Oh, she's not mine. 66 00:02:51,978 --> 00:02:53,511 I've never been pregnant. 67 00:02:53,512 --> 00:02:55,944 I wouldn't be able to drive. 68 00:02:55,945 --> 00:02:57,344 -Mm-hmm. 69 00:02:57,345 --> 00:02:59,611 -Oh, that--Is that her? 70 00:02:59,612 --> 00:03:01,444 Wesley Snipes. -Yeah, it is. 71 00:03:01,445 --> 00:03:03,211 Can I be honest with you, Bill? 72 00:03:03,212 --> 00:03:05,477 You know, my--my--my daughter's a great gal, 73 00:03:05,478 --> 00:03:07,644 but she had some trouble with school. 74 00:03:07,645 --> 00:03:08,944 -Uh, that's great. 75 00:03:08,945 --> 00:03:10,877 I taught in grad school, so I could tutor her. 76 00:03:10,878 --> 00:03:12,077 -Oh, that's perfect. -Yeah. 77 00:03:12,078 --> 00:03:13,977 -I mean, she has to pass her GED. 78 00:03:13,978 --> 00:03:15,244 -I'm sorry? 79 00:03:15,245 --> 00:03:17,611 -It was part of the deal I worked out with the judge. 80 00:03:17,612 --> 00:03:18,677 -Judge--What judge-- 81 00:03:18,678 --> 00:03:20,477 -Now, my daughter has--How do I put this? 82 00:03:20,478 --> 00:03:22,477 A criminal past... present. 83 00:03:22,478 --> 00:03:24,911 You know, I probably should just let you two meet. 84 00:03:24,912 --> 00:03:26,977 Oh, hey. There she is. 85 00:03:29,978 --> 00:03:30,578 ♪ 86 00:03:34,978 --> 00:03:36,577 -♪ All this money, all this money ♪ 87 00:03:36,578 --> 00:03:38,411 ♪ What am I gonna do with all this money? ♪ 88 00:03:38,412 --> 00:03:40,244 ♪ All this money, all this money ♪ 89 00:03:40,245 --> 00:03:42,211 ♪ What am I gonna do with all this money? ♪ 90 00:03:42,212 --> 00:03:44,311 Oh, shoot! 91 00:03:44,312 --> 00:03:45,744 Am I late? -No, no. 92 00:03:45,745 --> 00:03:47,311 -I wanted to make a good first impression. 93 00:03:47,312 --> 00:03:49,111 Is this her? She's gorgeous. 94 00:03:49,112 --> 00:03:50,411 Is this your natural skin? Can I touch it? 95 00:03:50,412 --> 00:03:51,411 -Yeah, no, no. 96 00:03:51,412 --> 00:03:52,411 -It's okay. I like guys. 97 00:03:52,412 --> 00:03:53,411 -Oh, who are you? 98 00:03:53,412 --> 00:03:54,511 -This is my daughter, Genevieve. 99 00:03:54,512 --> 00:03:55,544 This is Bobbie. 100 00:03:55,545 --> 00:03:57,011 -Oh, you can call me Gene. 101 00:03:57,012 --> 00:03:59,511 Like Eugene Levy, but just the Gene part. 102 00:03:59,512 --> 00:04:02,011 -I thought you said your daughter was seven? 103 00:04:02,012 --> 00:04:03,544 -Oh, she caught us. 104 00:04:03,545 --> 00:04:05,311 Oh, she caught us, didn't she, Tanzy? 105 00:04:05,312 --> 00:04:06,311 -This is a joke. 106 00:04:06,312 --> 00:04:08,244 -I don't know. 107 00:04:08,245 --> 00:04:10,777 -Yeah, we may have fudged the age a little bit in the ad. 108 00:04:10,778 --> 00:04:11,977 When we said "babysitter," 109 00:04:11,978 --> 00:04:15,644 we meant more of a "court-appointed guardian." 110 00:04:15,645 --> 00:04:17,544 -Is that an ankle monitor? 111 00:04:17,545 --> 00:04:18,877 -What? -Is that... 112 00:04:18,878 --> 00:04:20,511 both: An ankle monitor? 113 00:04:20,512 --> 00:04:23,111 Is that an ankle monitor? 114 00:04:23,112 --> 00:04:25,811 -Oh, my gosh. I can do a spot-on impression of her. 115 00:04:25,812 --> 00:04:27,077 -Yep. Yep. 116 00:04:27,078 --> 00:04:30,311 -Okay, I don't have the background with criminal-- 117 00:04:30,312 --> 00:04:32,944 -Come on, Bill. You never had any trouble with the law? 118 00:04:32,945 --> 00:04:34,045 -No, no, no. 119 00:04:34,212 --> 00:04:37,077 I-I-I jaywalked once to save a hurt bird. 120 00:04:37,078 --> 00:04:38,744 -Bird. -What are you doing? 121 00:04:38,745 --> 00:04:40,411 -See? You're practically twins. 122 00:04:40,412 --> 00:04:41,444 -Yeah. 123 00:04:41,445 --> 00:04:42,777 -It'll be, like, constantly having 124 00:04:42,778 --> 00:04:44,977 a gal-pal to hang around with, 125 00:04:44,978 --> 00:04:46,244 like "Sex and the City." 126 00:04:46,245 --> 00:04:47,644 -Ooh, I'll be Phoebe. 127 00:04:47,645 --> 00:04:49,577 I look the most like her. You have to give it to me. 128 00:04:49,578 --> 00:04:51,511 -That's "Friends." -Hire her. 129 00:04:51,512 --> 00:04:53,444 Oh, I should check this out first. 130 00:04:53,445 --> 00:04:54,977 -What are you doing? No, no, no! 131 00:04:54,978 --> 00:04:56,211 -I'm just making sure we don't have 132 00:04:56,212 --> 00:04:57,744 a Mrs. Doubtfire situation on our hands. 133 00:04:57,745 --> 00:04:58,744 -Ah. 134 00:04:58,745 --> 00:05:00,977 Bobbie, I'm sorry. 135 00:05:00,978 --> 00:05:03,311 She just saw "Mrs. Doubtfire." 136 00:05:03,312 --> 00:05:05,977 -That's okay. I got to go wash my neighbor's house. 137 00:05:05,978 --> 00:05:07,848 -Honey. 138 00:05:12,212 --> 00:05:15,111 Robert, I've written a number on this piece of paper. 139 00:05:15,112 --> 00:05:17,344 I think the number might change your mind. 140 00:05:17,345 --> 00:05:19,845 -Okay, thank you, Mr. Russell. 141 00:05:24,512 --> 00:05:26,077 -The number's what I'd pay you. 142 00:05:26,078 --> 00:05:27,877 -Yes, I got that. Thank you very much. 143 00:05:27,878 --> 00:05:29,777 -Good. 144 00:05:29,778 --> 00:05:33,844 Aah! 145 00:05:33,845 --> 00:05:36,044 -Hi. 146 00:05:36,045 --> 00:05:37,511 -Oh, my God. 147 00:05:37,512 --> 00:05:39,072 -Hi. 148 00:05:40,212 --> 00:05:41,477 -How much money it is? 149 00:05:41,478 --> 00:05:42,611 I'm an academic. 150 00:05:42,612 --> 00:05:44,211 Yeah, I mean, I would technically 151 00:05:44,212 --> 00:05:45,877 be teaching her, but, no. 152 00:05:45,878 --> 00:05:47,244 No, you know what? 153 00:05:47,245 --> 00:05:48,977 I'll sell my hair. That's something people do. 154 00:05:48,978 --> 00:05:50,677 Yeah, I'll cut off my hair, and I'll sell it. 155 00:05:50,678 --> 00:05:52,244 I will persevere. 156 00:05:52,245 --> 00:05:54,244 I don't need money. 157 00:05:54,245 --> 00:05:57,311 I mean, how much could it possibly be? 158 00:05:57,312 --> 00:05:59,444 Holy ! 159 00:06:05,678 --> 00:06:07,411 -Hey, Billie! 160 00:06:07,412 --> 00:06:10,972 I thought about it. You can be Phoebe. 161 00:06:17,378 --> 00:06:18,877 ♪ 162 00:06:21,878 --> 00:06:25,544 ♪ 163 00:06:25,545 --> 00:06:27,045 -What are you doing? -Oh, my God. 164 00:06:27,212 --> 00:06:30,311 Sorry, I was just unpacking, listening to Beethoven. 165 00:06:30,312 --> 00:06:31,744 -The dog? 166 00:06:31,745 --> 00:06:33,911 -Uh, no. The composer. 167 00:06:33,912 --> 00:06:35,511 Deaf. Never mind. 168 00:06:35,512 --> 00:06:38,044 -Oh, my gosh, you look so good with short hair. 169 00:06:38,045 --> 00:06:39,077 -Oh, that's-- 170 00:06:39,078 --> 00:06:40,777 -You should totally rock this again. 171 00:06:40,778 --> 00:06:41,944 -That's not me. 172 00:06:41,945 --> 00:06:44,944 That's my--my boy--my ex-boyfriend, actually. 173 00:06:44,945 --> 00:06:48,011 We're on hiatus. I shouldn't-- 174 00:06:48,012 --> 00:06:49,344 -Gosh, me too. 175 00:06:49,345 --> 00:06:50,777 -Really? -Yeah. 176 00:06:50,778 --> 00:06:54,911 I mean, we were, and then he got together with Mariah Carey. 177 00:06:54,912 --> 00:06:56,444 But I think that's off. 178 00:06:56,445 --> 00:06:58,544 -Are you talking about Nick Cannon? 179 00:06:58,545 --> 00:07:01,411 -I don't want to talk about it. 180 00:07:01,412 --> 00:07:04,042 Point is, it's tough to find someone 181 00:07:04,212 --> 00:07:06,744 who measures up to your dad, right? 182 00:07:06,745 --> 00:07:08,077 What is this? 183 00:07:08,078 --> 00:07:09,978 -It's from Mexico. It's an antique. 184 00:07:10,212 --> 00:07:11,644 -Can I put it on for a second? 185 00:07:11,645 --> 00:07:13,411 Is this cool? -It's not clothes. 186 00:07:13,412 --> 00:07:15,244 -Oh, my God. It fits. 187 00:07:15,245 --> 00:07:16,877 I should totally have this. 188 00:07:16,878 --> 00:07:18,777 -Yeah, I'll hang on to it for you. 189 00:07:18,778 --> 00:07:20,411 -Oh, yeah. You can borrow it, sure. 190 00:07:20,412 --> 00:07:22,244 -Thank you. 191 00:07:22,245 --> 00:07:23,977 You really love your dad, huh? 192 00:07:23,978 --> 00:07:25,411 -Yeah, he's the frickin' best. 193 00:07:25,412 --> 00:07:26,877 Are you kidding me? 194 00:07:26,878 --> 00:07:28,377 He, like, bails me out when I'm in trouble, 195 00:07:28,378 --> 00:07:30,211 and he gets me cool stuff, 196 00:07:30,212 --> 00:07:32,877 and he totally did a commercial with a monkey. 197 00:07:32,878 --> 00:07:35,048 -My grandfather died in those. 198 00:07:35,212 --> 00:07:36,042 Can I? 199 00:07:36,212 --> 00:07:38,811 Oh, sh-- 200 00:07:38,812 --> 00:07:42,811 -The acting monkey was like, "Places and set." 201 00:07:42,812 --> 00:07:44,377 -Uh, Moishe's Gold Emporium. -Back to one. 202 00:07:44,378 --> 00:07:46,377 -Moishe's Gold Emporium. Uh, wrong number. 203 00:07:46,378 --> 00:07:49,711 I know this before we even talk. Shalom. 204 00:07:49,712 --> 00:07:51,511 -Oh, my gosh. 205 00:07:51,512 --> 00:07:53,844 Was that a prank in reverse? 206 00:07:53,845 --> 00:07:55,977 I'm in. I'm totally in. What do I do? 207 00:07:55,978 --> 00:07:57,344 -No, I'm--You're not in. 208 00:07:57,345 --> 00:08:00,244 I'm evading my student loan payments. 209 00:08:00,245 --> 00:08:01,411 -What? 210 00:08:01,412 --> 00:08:04,711 I mean, if you owe 'em money, you just pay it. 211 00:08:04,712 --> 00:08:07,277 -Yeah, but I don't have it. 212 00:08:09,845 --> 00:08:11,911 Very funny. 213 00:08:11,912 --> 00:08:13,811 -Can I have-- -This scarf doesn't work. 214 00:08:13,812 --> 00:08:15,677 -It's not a scarf. It's dashiki pants. 215 00:08:15,678 --> 00:08:16,811 -What? 216 00:08:16,812 --> 00:08:18,577 -It's traditional African garb. 217 00:08:18,578 --> 00:08:19,577 Can I please-- 218 00:08:19,578 --> 00:08:21,111 -Is there something in your mouth? 219 00:08:21,112 --> 00:08:23,111 -My tongue and my teeth. 220 00:08:23,112 --> 00:08:24,911 -It's like you're allergic to saying 'em. 221 00:08:24,912 --> 00:08:26,411 -"Dai-shiki." How do you say it? 222 00:08:26,412 --> 00:08:28,277 -"Da-shiki." -Can I please-- 223 00:08:28,278 --> 00:08:29,877 -Oh, can I have this? -Oh, yeah. 224 00:08:29,878 --> 00:08:31,744 These actually I do want you to pick up. 225 00:08:31,745 --> 00:08:35,477 These are these really fun aptitude tests I found 226 00:08:35,478 --> 00:08:36,877 that I think we're gonna start out with. 227 00:08:36,878 --> 00:08:38,944 -Wait, start me off with what? What are you talking about? 228 00:08:38,945 --> 00:08:40,411 -For prepping for the GED. 229 00:08:42,912 --> 00:08:44,344 You got me again. 230 00:08:44,345 --> 00:08:46,244 You're good. Burn, sister. 231 00:08:46,245 --> 00:08:48,311 Zzz-zzz. You're on fire. 232 00:08:48,312 --> 00:08:49,844 'Cause you're here to be my friend. 233 00:08:49,845 --> 00:08:51,444 That's why you were hired. 234 00:08:51,445 --> 00:08:55,744 -No, I'm being paid to be your teacher. 235 00:08:55,745 --> 00:08:58,277 -What? 236 00:08:58,278 --> 00:09:00,611 -That's not funny to joke about. 237 00:09:00,612 --> 00:09:02,877 Are your parents going somewhere? 238 00:09:02,878 --> 00:09:04,011 -I don't-- 239 00:09:04,012 --> 00:09:05,677 -I just got here. They can't-- 240 00:09:05,678 --> 00:09:07,744 Mr. Russell. Mr. Russell. 241 00:09:07,745 --> 00:09:09,977 -Oh, hey, Bill. How's the guesthouse? 242 00:09:09,978 --> 00:09:11,048 -Oh, it's great. 243 00:09:11,212 --> 00:09:13,011 Are you leaving? Where are you going? 244 00:09:13,012 --> 00:09:14,811 I don't know---You my dragons? 245 00:09:14,812 --> 00:09:17,344 -Aww. She took her Ambien too early. 246 00:09:17,345 --> 00:09:19,244 No, we are going to Japan 247 00:09:19,245 --> 00:09:22,944 for three days for a breathing workshop. 248 00:09:22,945 --> 00:09:24,544 Yeah, I'm confident you can handle everything. 249 00:09:24,545 --> 00:09:26,477 Just make Gene stays out of trouble. 250 00:09:26,478 --> 00:09:28,048 -You're leaving? 251 00:09:28,212 --> 00:09:29,477 -Oh, forgot to tell you. 252 00:09:29,478 --> 00:09:30,977 Quick, come give me a hug. 253 00:09:30,978 --> 00:09:33,711 Oh, kiddo. 254 00:09:33,712 --> 00:09:35,311 I'll get you next time. 255 00:09:35,312 --> 00:09:37,477 Air hug. 256 00:09:37,478 --> 00:09:39,411 Yeah, let's go, Blaine. 257 00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:41,642 -No, but wait. I don't know what I'm doing. 258 00:09:44,212 --> 00:09:45,644 Busy guy, huh? 259 00:09:45,645 --> 00:09:48,711 -Yeah, he's the best. 260 00:09:48,712 --> 00:09:53,444 -You know, school doesn't technically start till Monday. 261 00:09:53,445 --> 00:09:54,777 It is Saturday. 262 00:09:54,778 --> 00:09:55,977 -So? 263 00:09:55,978 --> 00:09:57,977 -Maybe you could have a couple friends over, 264 00:09:57,978 --> 00:10:02,777 pop in a movie--real chill, low-key style. 265 00:10:02,778 --> 00:10:04,844 -Yeah. I mean, I could be down with that. 266 00:10:04,845 --> 00:10:06,211 -Yeah. 267 00:10:06,212 --> 00:10:07,611 -Hey! 268 00:10:07,612 --> 00:10:11,144 Call me Beethoven, 'cause I can't hear you! 269 00:10:14,245 --> 00:10:15,644 -Gene! 270 00:10:15,645 --> 00:10:17,844 You said this was just gonna be a couple of fr-- 271 00:10:17,845 --> 00:10:19,444 ♪ 272 00:10:19,445 --> 00:10:20,644 ♪ Let 'em know we're here 273 00:10:20,645 --> 00:10:22,011 ♪ We going all out 274 00:10:22,012 --> 00:10:23,577 Oh, my God. Okay. 275 00:10:23,578 --> 00:10:25,211 -Guys, take whatever you want. 276 00:10:25,212 --> 00:10:26,811 Whatever you can carry, you can take. 277 00:10:26,812 --> 00:10:28,544 -Okay. Hey, Gene. 278 00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:29,811 Can I talk to you for a second? 279 00:10:29,812 --> 00:10:30,911 -Huh? No. 280 00:10:30,912 --> 00:10:32,744 Ow! That's my bicep! 281 00:10:32,745 --> 00:10:34,577 My bicep hurts. 282 00:10:34,578 --> 00:10:37,477 -Hey, I just wanted to say this is a really cool party. 283 00:10:37,478 --> 00:10:39,844 Someone puked in my hair. I'm having a really fresh time. 284 00:10:39,845 --> 00:10:41,644 -Oh, cool. Nice. Really? 285 00:10:41,645 --> 00:10:43,211 -No, not really. 286 00:10:43,212 --> 00:10:44,577 Someone puked in my hair. 287 00:10:44,578 --> 00:10:46,077 I'm not having a fresh time. 288 00:10:46,078 --> 00:10:47,644 -That's a wonderful thing to happen. 289 00:10:47,645 --> 00:10:49,644 It's like a bird on you. It's good luck. 290 00:10:49,645 --> 00:10:51,111 -If you don't get rid of these people, 291 00:10:51,112 --> 00:10:52,344 I'm gonna call the police. 292 00:10:52,345 --> 00:10:53,344 Eh! 293 00:10:53,345 --> 00:10:54,711 -Okay, well, calling the police 294 00:10:54,712 --> 00:10:56,844 would be the least fresh thing you could do. 295 00:10:56,845 --> 00:10:59,144 Do you hear me? Top of the list. 296 00:10:59,145 --> 00:11:03,011 -Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. 297 00:11:03,012 --> 00:11:04,811 -Um, are you okay? 298 00:11:04,812 --> 00:11:06,044 -Yes, I will sleep with you. 299 00:11:06,045 --> 00:11:07,144 -What? No, no. 300 00:11:07,145 --> 00:11:08,711 Why does everyone want to touch my face? 301 00:11:08,712 --> 00:11:10,044 -Hey, bud. How's it going? 302 00:11:10,045 --> 00:11:11,577 I didn't know you were here. 303 00:11:11,578 --> 00:11:13,911 Billie, this is Chet. He's my best non-sexual friend. 304 00:11:13,912 --> 00:11:15,777 He lives next door. He's got a big fanny. 305 00:11:15,778 --> 00:11:18,644 -I don't. I have a normal-sized fanny. 306 00:11:18,645 --> 00:11:20,111 -Oh, okay. Will you excuse me? 307 00:11:20,112 --> 00:11:21,344 The puke that's in my hair 308 00:11:21,345 --> 00:11:25,011 is running down my body and filling my shoes. 309 00:11:25,012 --> 00:11:26,877 -What is happening to me right now? 310 00:11:26,878 --> 00:11:27,877 -What? 311 00:11:27,878 --> 00:11:29,311 -I think I have a girlfriend. 312 00:11:29,312 --> 00:11:31,944 -Well, news report--your girlfriend is totally not cool. 313 00:11:31,945 --> 00:11:35,244 She was cool for, like, a hot second, and then-- 314 00:11:35,245 --> 00:11:37,577 You know what? 315 00:11:37,578 --> 00:11:39,711 I think we just need to give her a little push. 316 00:11:39,712 --> 00:11:41,111 -I'll give her a push. -Yeah. 317 00:11:41,112 --> 00:11:42,311 -In the bush. -No. 318 00:11:42,312 --> 00:11:43,411 -With my penis. 319 00:11:43,412 --> 00:11:45,211 -No, I think I have a better idea. 320 00:11:45,212 --> 00:11:48,044 -Okay. But the penis plan is still on the table, right? 321 00:11:48,045 --> 00:11:49,111 -The penis plan? -Yeah. 322 00:11:49,112 --> 00:11:50,311 -It's solid. 323 00:11:50,312 --> 00:11:52,211 -I mean, I feel like it's foolproof. 324 00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:54,211 -Right? -Yeah. 325 00:11:54,212 --> 00:11:55,244 Sizzurp! 326 00:11:55,245 --> 00:11:57,044 -Oh, nice. Do you want some salad? 327 00:11:57,045 --> 00:11:58,445 -Yeah, I would love some. -Yeah. 328 00:12:01,345 --> 00:12:02,544 -Please leave. 329 00:12:02,545 --> 00:12:04,477 People live here, and I need to clean the kitchen. 330 00:12:04,478 --> 00:12:05,877 We live here. Oh, my God. 331 00:12:05,878 --> 00:12:07,644 Oh, God! 332 00:12:07,645 --> 00:12:09,211 -Don't be racist. 333 00:12:09,212 --> 00:12:11,911 -I wasn't--I didn't-- 334 00:12:11,912 --> 00:12:13,377 I'm not being racist-- 335 00:12:13,378 --> 00:12:15,844 -Billie. I see you met Ting Poo. 336 00:12:15,845 --> 00:12:17,344 -Oh, my God. 337 00:12:17,345 --> 00:12:21,544 Why is there a ponytail in the sink? 338 00:12:21,545 --> 00:12:22,611 -Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa. 339 00:12:22,612 --> 00:12:24,042 Slow your brain wheels. 340 00:12:24,212 --> 00:12:25,377 You're freaking out. 341 00:12:25,378 --> 00:12:27,611 -Hey, I've got an idea. Let me French-kiss you. 342 00:12:27,612 --> 00:12:29,011 -No! -What? 343 00:12:29,012 --> 00:12:30,911 -Gene, you said this was just gonna be 344 00:12:30,912 --> 00:12:32,511 a couple of girlfriends. 345 00:12:32,512 --> 00:12:35,042 -Yeah. Relax. I've got it under control, okay? 346 00:12:35,212 --> 00:12:37,344 If anyone gets out of line, Ting Poo has a gun. 347 00:12:37,345 --> 00:12:39,011 -You have a gun? 348 00:12:39,012 --> 00:12:41,044 -Don't worry. It always jams. 349 00:12:41,045 --> 00:12:43,644 -The whole reason we did this 350 00:12:43,645 --> 00:12:45,977 was 'cause you wanted me to have a fresh time, 351 00:12:45,978 --> 00:12:48,077 but I'm not having a fresh time 352 00:12:48,078 --> 00:12:49,711 unless you're having a fresh time, okay? 353 00:12:49,712 --> 00:12:52,211 So let's raise our glasses, yes... 354 00:12:52,212 --> 00:12:53,411 -I don't want to have a fresh-- 355 00:12:53,412 --> 00:12:54,977 -For a toast. 356 00:12:54,978 --> 00:12:57,277 To my new babysitter... 357 00:12:57,278 --> 00:12:59,377 And my new friend. 358 00:12:59,378 --> 00:13:01,277 I'm sorry. I'm a little choked up. 359 00:13:01,278 --> 00:13:02,544 My new friend. 360 00:13:02,545 --> 00:13:03,744 To Billie. 361 00:13:03,745 --> 00:13:06,077 -That's so sweet. That's very sweet. 362 00:13:06,078 --> 00:13:08,577 I don't really want a drink, so... 363 00:13:08,578 --> 00:13:09,944 -Do it. -Okay. 364 00:13:09,945 --> 00:13:11,444 -She has a neat butt. 365 00:13:11,445 --> 00:13:13,677 -Keep going. -Oh. 366 00:13:13,678 --> 00:13:16,978 Hey! 367 00:13:18,678 --> 00:13:22,211 Call my Beethoven 'cause... 368 00:13:22,212 --> 00:13:25,677 I love classical music. 369 00:13:25,678 --> 00:13:28,411 Don't you? 370 00:13:28,412 --> 00:13:30,411 -Yeah! -Yeah! 371 00:13:35,212 --> 00:13:38,777 ♪ 372 00:13:38,778 --> 00:13:41,611 -Ting Poo's Dry Cleaners. No Billie here. 373 00:13:47,745 --> 00:13:52,111 ♪ 374 00:13:52,112 --> 00:13:53,677 Drink or die, babes! 375 00:13:55,378 --> 00:13:57,544 Oh, I do the best Austin Powers. You ready for this? 376 00:13:57,545 --> 00:13:58,611 -Yeah. 377 00:13:58,612 --> 00:14:00,111 Oh, baby! 378 00:14:00,112 --> 00:14:02,211 -Oh, that's so good. How's mine? 379 00:14:02,212 --> 00:14:04,477 Cheers, baby, all right! 380 00:14:04,478 --> 00:14:06,211 -It's good. You could work on it a little bit. 381 00:14:06,212 --> 00:14:07,211 ♪ 382 00:14:07,212 --> 00:14:08,944 -Black Eyed Peas! 383 00:14:08,945 --> 00:14:10,411 All: Black Eyed Peas! 384 00:14:10,412 --> 00:14:12,044 Black Eyed Peas! 385 00:14:12,045 --> 00:14:13,744 Black Eyed Peas! 386 00:14:13,745 --> 00:14:14,877 Black Eyed Peas! 387 00:14:14,878 --> 00:14:16,911 -We're gonna live forever! 388 00:14:16,912 --> 00:14:17,512 ♪ 389 00:14:24,512 --> 00:14:26,211 -Joy! -Joy! 390 00:14:26,212 --> 00:14:27,811 -We're out of rum, baby. 391 00:14:27,812 --> 00:14:29,111 -Hey, baby! 392 00:14:29,112 --> 00:14:31,044 Both: We're out of rum, baby! 393 00:14:31,045 --> 00:14:31,645 ♪ 394 00:14:37,212 --> 00:14:39,944 -She is breathtaking. 395 00:14:39,945 --> 00:14:41,477 -Get it, girl! 396 00:14:41,478 --> 00:14:43,477 Get it just like Meg Ryan would. 397 00:14:43,478 --> 00:14:46,744 -Yeah, peyote's not for lightweights. 398 00:14:46,745 --> 00:14:48,377 I was halfway through a hot dog 399 00:14:48,378 --> 00:14:50,577 before I realized it was a Coca-Cola bottle. 400 00:14:50,578 --> 00:14:52,044 -Don't feel bad about that. 401 00:14:52,045 --> 00:14:53,977 That's totally a thing. Switch? 402 00:14:53,978 --> 00:14:55,577 -Yeah. 403 00:14:55,578 --> 00:14:57,511 -I really don't think this is how you play Apples to Apples. 404 00:14:57,512 --> 00:15:01,611 -No, it is. Right, Ting Poo? 405 00:15:01,612 --> 00:15:04,042 -Can I be honest with you guys? 406 00:15:04,212 --> 00:15:07,411 I write "Ladyhawke" fanfiction. 407 00:15:07,412 --> 00:15:08,777 -Oh. 408 00:15:08,778 --> 00:15:10,577 -As well, I'm having a great time at the party. 409 00:15:10,578 --> 00:15:12,644 Thank you, Gene, for the wine glass. 410 00:15:12,645 --> 00:15:13,944 I needed it. 411 00:15:13,945 --> 00:15:16,211 -"And thank you, Chet, for putting a roofie in it." 412 00:15:16,212 --> 00:15:18,042 You're welcome. 413 00:15:18,212 --> 00:15:19,511 -Chet. 414 00:15:19,512 --> 00:15:20,744 -What? 415 00:15:20,745 --> 00:15:22,577 -You aren't supposed to tell her. 416 00:15:22,578 --> 00:15:24,811 -Tell me what? 417 00:15:24,812 --> 00:15:27,544 -Where's the bathroom? 418 00:15:27,545 --> 00:15:30,044 -It's cool. She doesn't know. 419 00:15:30,045 --> 00:15:32,644 -She can hear you. 420 00:15:32,645 --> 00:15:34,377 -Hear what? 421 00:15:34,378 --> 00:15:37,377 -That we roofied you. 422 00:15:37,378 --> 00:15:41,611 -Oh. 423 00:15:41,612 --> 00:15:44,244 -Where's the bathroom? 424 00:15:44,245 --> 00:15:46,911 -Off-limits, and you know why. 425 00:15:49,712 --> 00:15:51,877 Billie. 426 00:15:51,878 --> 00:15:53,011 Billie. 427 00:15:53,012 --> 00:15:54,344 -Hey. 428 00:15:54,345 --> 00:15:56,844 -Hey. How you doing? 429 00:15:56,845 --> 00:15:58,011 -I'm good. 430 00:15:58,012 --> 00:16:01,011 Wow. That was a crazy party last night. 431 00:16:01,012 --> 00:16:03,711 -Yeah. 432 00:16:03,712 --> 00:16:04,977 -What is that? 433 00:16:04,978 --> 00:16:05,977 -Okay. 434 00:16:05,978 --> 00:16:07,211 -What is that? 435 00:16:07,212 --> 00:16:08,977 -Okay, okay. Don't freak out, 436 00:16:08,978 --> 00:16:11,048 but remember when Chet and I roofied your drink? 437 00:16:11,212 --> 00:16:12,377 We actually "hoofied" your drink, 438 00:16:12,378 --> 00:16:14,911 which is half roofie, half horse tranquilizer. 439 00:16:14,912 --> 00:16:16,511 Anyhoo, you've been in and out of consciousness 440 00:16:16,512 --> 00:16:17,777 the past couple days. 441 00:16:17,778 --> 00:16:19,111 Also... 442 00:16:19,112 --> 00:16:23,244 Angelina Jolie killed Brad Pitt. 443 00:16:23,245 --> 00:16:24,411 -What? 444 00:16:24,412 --> 00:16:26,211 -Psych. He's still alive. 445 00:16:26,212 --> 00:16:28,011 My dad always said to say something crazy 446 00:16:28,012 --> 00:16:29,777 at the end of bad news to soften the blow. 447 00:16:29,778 --> 00:16:31,577 -Okay, excuse me, ma'am. 448 00:16:31,578 --> 00:16:33,111 Hi. Can you help me with this? 449 00:16:33,112 --> 00:16:36,244 -All right, I don't mind. 450 00:16:36,245 --> 00:16:37,611 -Do you want me to do it? 451 00:16:37,612 --> 00:16:38,844 Do you want me to pull it for you? 452 00:16:38,845 --> 00:16:40,077 -No. 453 00:16:40,078 --> 00:16:41,411 -Oh, I'm gonna be sick. 454 00:16:41,412 --> 00:16:43,077 That was so gross. 455 00:16:43,078 --> 00:16:44,511 Wait. Where are you--What are you doing? 456 00:16:44,512 --> 00:16:46,277 Where are you going? -I'm quitting. 457 00:16:46,278 --> 00:16:48,277 -What? Why? 458 00:16:48,278 --> 00:16:50,544 -Because you gave me a date-rape drug 459 00:16:50,545 --> 00:16:53,211 and put me in a coma! 460 00:16:53,212 --> 00:16:56,111 -And? 461 00:16:56,112 --> 00:16:57,411 -And? 462 00:16:57,412 --> 00:16:58,711 -And? 463 00:16:58,712 --> 00:17:01,577 -And? -And? 464 00:17:01,578 --> 00:17:02,777 -And? -And? 465 00:17:02,778 --> 00:17:04,044 Both: And? 466 00:17:04,045 --> 00:17:05,877 -What else did you do? 467 00:17:05,878 --> 00:17:08,311 -Oh, I thought we were playing a game. 468 00:17:08,312 --> 00:17:09,972 -Ugh. -Billie, look, look, 469 00:17:10,212 --> 00:17:12,111 I'm really, really sorry. This is totally my bad. 470 00:17:12,112 --> 00:17:13,644 I wanted you to have a good time, 471 00:17:13,645 --> 00:17:14,777 and I just took it too far. 472 00:17:14,778 --> 00:17:16,644 I totally get that now, okay? Let's move on. 473 00:17:16,645 --> 00:17:17,911 Maybe we can pick on Joy. 474 00:17:17,912 --> 00:17:19,477 Joy! Joy, get in here! 475 00:17:19,478 --> 00:17:20,844 -There's something wrong with you, you know that? 476 00:17:20,845 --> 00:17:23,777 There is something mentally amiss. 477 00:17:23,778 --> 00:17:25,344 -Okay, you know what we're doing? 478 00:17:25,345 --> 00:17:27,511 We're all focusing on the bad stuff. 479 00:17:27,512 --> 00:17:29,477 Maybe let's focus on the good stuff I've done for you. 480 00:17:29,478 --> 00:17:30,511 -Like what? 481 00:17:30,512 --> 00:17:32,077 -Like while you were out 482 00:17:32,078 --> 00:17:33,844 and your student loan people kept calling, 483 00:17:33,845 --> 00:17:35,044 and I paid it off. 484 00:17:35,045 --> 00:17:37,977 -You answered my phone and paid my loans? 485 00:17:37,978 --> 00:17:40,544 -Yeah. That's why they call me The Generous General. 486 00:17:40,545 --> 00:17:43,611 -That is my loan, and I will work to pay it off. 487 00:17:43,612 --> 00:17:46,711 You know what? I feel--I feel bad for you. I do. 488 00:17:46,712 --> 00:17:48,377 No one ever gets mad at you, do they? 489 00:17:48,378 --> 00:17:51,877 No, 'cause no one ever expects anything from you, yeah. 490 00:17:51,878 --> 00:17:53,877 Well, that is not me, Gene, okay? 491 00:17:53,878 --> 00:17:59,677 I am not just a problem that you can throw money at. 492 00:17:59,678 --> 00:18:01,944 Who put this money in my wallet? 493 00:18:01,945 --> 00:18:03,977 -Nurse! 494 00:18:03,978 --> 00:18:05,711 Take this one, take this one, take this one for me. 495 00:18:05,712 --> 00:18:08,877 Take this one. It's clearly the nurse's money. 496 00:18:08,878 --> 00:18:11,377 -So, just tell your dad I'm sorry. 497 00:18:11,378 --> 00:18:13,511 He'll be back tomorrow, but I quit. 498 00:18:13,512 --> 00:18:16,577 -Oh, no, they're--they're coming back in a couple weeks. 499 00:18:16,578 --> 00:18:17,877 My dad Tweeted. 500 00:18:17,878 --> 00:18:20,044 They're going to, like, Cannies Film Festival. 501 00:18:20,045 --> 00:18:21,277 -You mean Cannes? 502 00:18:21,278 --> 00:18:23,611 -Oh, right. Stupid. 503 00:18:23,612 --> 00:18:26,977 -Good-bye, Gene. 504 00:18:26,978 --> 00:18:29,644 -Uh, I was gonna go to the mall later 505 00:18:29,645 --> 00:18:31,644 if she doesn't-- 506 00:18:31,645 --> 00:18:34,077 -Jesus. 507 00:18:34,078 --> 00:18:36,211 Here. 508 00:18:36,212 --> 00:18:37,972 Is that enough? -Yep. 509 00:18:41,012 --> 00:18:42,744 -Billie! -What? Go back! 510 00:18:42,745 --> 00:18:44,711 -Billie! -Go back! 511 00:18:44,712 --> 00:18:46,377 -Your brakes! -What? 512 00:18:46,378 --> 00:18:48,244 -I cut your brakes! 513 00:18:49,645 --> 00:18:51,444 -No, you didn't. 514 00:18:51,445 --> 00:18:52,844 -I'm coming with you. 515 00:18:52,845 --> 00:18:55,045 -Gene, you can't. Your ankle monitor. 516 00:18:55,212 --> 00:18:56,477 -I don't care! 517 00:18:56,478 --> 00:18:58,644 No one has ever talked to me the way you just did... 518 00:18:58,645 --> 00:19:01,644 like you want me to be a better person or something. 519 00:19:01,645 --> 00:19:03,577 I'm scared of everything. 520 00:19:03,578 --> 00:19:07,711 I'm scared of what I saw, of what I did, of who I am. 521 00:19:07,712 --> 00:19:11,044 And mostly I'm scared of walking out of this room 522 00:19:11,045 --> 00:19:12,744 and never feeling my whole life 523 00:19:12,745 --> 00:19:14,811 the way I feel when I'm with you. 524 00:19:14,812 --> 00:19:18,444 -That is verbatim Baby's speech to Patrick Swayze 525 00:19:18,445 --> 00:19:19,877 from "Dirty Dancing." 526 00:19:19,878 --> 00:19:21,844 -Yes, it is, and then they have amazing dance sex. 527 00:19:21,845 --> 00:19:23,211 -Oh, my God, remember when she goes behind him 528 00:19:23,212 --> 00:19:24,377 and grabs his butt? 529 00:19:24,378 --> 00:19:25,811 It was, like, role reversal. 530 00:19:25,812 --> 00:19:27,277 -Totally. Whoo. 531 00:19:27,278 --> 00:19:28,277 Say you'll stay. 532 00:19:28,278 --> 00:19:29,311 -No! 533 00:19:29,312 --> 00:19:31,944 No, look, I am not Patrick Swayze, Gene. 534 00:19:31,945 --> 00:19:33,711 I am the older, disapproving sister 535 00:19:33,712 --> 00:19:35,077 who never did another movie. 536 00:19:35,078 --> 00:19:36,244 -Yes, she did. 537 00:19:36,245 --> 00:19:38,111 She played Kevin's mom in "Dishdogz." 538 00:19:38,112 --> 00:19:39,511 -Sounds made up. -Google it. 539 00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:40,744 "Dishdogz" with a Z. 540 00:19:40,745 --> 00:19:43,111 -You hear that, Gene? That's for you. 541 00:19:43,112 --> 00:19:44,911 -Maybe it's not, Billie. 542 00:19:44,912 --> 00:19:46,777 Maybe it's for Angelina Jolie. 543 00:19:46,778 --> 00:19:50,311 Maybe she did murder Brad Pitt. 544 00:19:50,312 --> 00:19:52,077 -God damn it! -What are you doing? 545 00:19:52,078 --> 00:19:53,577 -Move. -Oh. 546 00:19:53,578 --> 00:19:55,477 -Move again. 547 00:19:55,478 --> 00:19:57,048 Get off your bike. 548 00:19:57,212 --> 00:20:00,111 We're going to get you home. Help me! 549 00:20:00,112 --> 00:20:02,777 -Oh, okay. What is in here, rocks? 550 00:20:02,778 --> 00:20:04,977 -Drop it, drop it, drop it. 551 00:20:05,978 --> 00:20:07,377 Oh,! 552 00:20:07,378 --> 00:20:08,611 Okay, follow my lead. 553 00:20:08,612 --> 00:20:12,577 Be invisible. Go, go, go. 554 00:20:12,578 --> 00:20:14,311 Oh, farts, Billie. 555 00:20:14,312 --> 00:20:16,644 -I'll handle this. -What? What are you doing? 556 00:20:16,645 --> 00:20:17,911 -I'm just gonna go talk to them 557 00:20:17,912 --> 00:20:20,111 and explain what happened--it's no big deal. 558 00:20:20,112 --> 00:20:23,611 -The only excuse for breaking probation is an emergency. 559 00:20:23,612 --> 00:20:24,811 Wait a minute. 560 00:20:24,812 --> 00:20:26,077 -What? 561 00:20:26,078 --> 00:20:27,544 Gene... 562 00:20:27,545 --> 00:20:30,377 what are you doing? 563 00:20:30,378 --> 00:20:32,144 Oh, good idea. 564 00:20:32,145 --> 00:20:33,944 We'll brain the cops. 565 00:20:33,945 --> 00:20:37,077 We'll stone 'em to death. We'll both go to prison! 566 00:20:37,078 --> 00:20:38,777 -Oh, Billie, no. 567 00:20:38,778 --> 00:20:41,711 Better idea--break my hand. 568 00:20:41,712 --> 00:20:43,777 -What? That's so much crazier. 569 00:20:43,778 --> 00:20:45,077 I'm not gonna break your hand. 570 00:20:45,078 --> 00:20:48,311 Billie! Break my hand, Billie. 571 00:20:48,312 --> 00:20:50,044 -No! -If you love me, 572 00:20:50,045 --> 00:20:53,411 if you're my best friend, you will break my hand. 573 00:20:53,412 --> 00:20:54,777 -I just met you. 574 00:20:54,778 --> 00:20:56,511 -If it doesn't look like an emergency, 575 00:20:56,512 --> 00:20:57,644 we both go to jail. 576 00:20:57,645 --> 00:20:59,244 -I don't think that's true. 577 00:20:59,245 --> 00:21:01,711 -It is. I need you, Billie. 578 00:21:01,712 --> 00:21:03,711 Do it, Billie. 579 00:21:03,712 --> 00:21:04,744 Do it. 580 00:21:04,745 --> 00:21:07,277 -Oh, God. This is temporary. 581 00:21:07,278 --> 00:21:08,444 -Tell me when it's over. 582 00:21:08,445 --> 00:21:10,511 Let me know once you've broken my hand. 583 00:21:10,512 --> 00:21:11,844 Oh, God! 584 00:21:17,278 --> 00:21:19,218 -♪ Call me Polo, shorty 585 00:21:25,878 --> 00:21:27,044 -Make sure--Excuse me. 586 00:21:27,045 --> 00:21:28,944 -What are you--What's happening? 587 00:21:28,945 --> 00:21:30,411 -Just trying to check to make sure 588 00:21:30,412 --> 00:21:31,877 we don't have a Mrs. Doubtfire situation. 589 00:21:31,878 --> 00:21:33,277 -Ah, I see. 590 00:21:33,278 --> 00:21:34,777 -That's fair, right? -Yeah, that's fair. 591 00:21:34,778 --> 00:21:36,711 You just saw that movie. That's great. 592 00:21:36,712 --> 00:21:38,211 -I loved it! -Yeah. 593 00:21:38,212 --> 00:21:39,472 -Have you seen it? -Uh-huh. 594 00:21:39,473 --> 00:21:41,473 ---oOo---