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♪ upbeat holiday music ♪
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[♪♪♪]
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[♪♪♪]
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[♪♪♪]
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["CANDY CANE LANE" BY SIA PLAYING]
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♪ Take a trip down
Candy Cane Lane with me ♪
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♪ It's the cutest thing
I swear you'll ever see ♪
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♪ It's the best, so get dressed ♪
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♪ I'll impress you with
the colors of the rainbow ♪
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♪ Take a trip down
Candy Cane Lane with me ♪
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♪ It's so magical,
let's go there in your dreams ♪
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♪ It's the best... ♪
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TRUDY: ...so surprised
when he saw all those presents
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under the Christmas tree,
and she was one of them.
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Now, this house was originally owned
by Herbert Flackshaw,
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who started this tradition
on Candy Cane Lane.
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He even hired his nephew Otis
to play Santa Claus for many years,
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until he was arrested
for child endangerment in 1992.
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Ooh, you guys got to look at this house.
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This house is the site...
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HARPER: Are you having fun?
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- Are you having fun?
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- [LAUGHING]
Yes, I think this is cute.
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- It is. Yeah.
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- Oh, God, you hate it.
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- [LAUGHING]
No, I don't hate it.
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Baby, I'm just not
a huge Christmas person.
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- I know, I know, but...
[GROANS]
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how can you not like the lights
and the decorations
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and the Christmas trees?
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- Fun fact: did you know
that Christmas trees are responsible
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for an annual average of four deaths,
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15 injuries
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and a loss of $12 million?
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- [LAUGHING]
Okay, I get it.
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I think you made your point.
- [CHUCKLES]
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Thank you for trying to get me
to like Christmas.
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I love that you love it.
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I'm just so content taking care
of other people's pets
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when they're away for the holiday--
- [GASPS]
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Come with me.
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- Wait, where are we going?
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Do you know these people?
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What are you doing?
- No. Come here.
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- [GRUNTS]
Still not clear on the plan.
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- Will you shut up and follow me, please?
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Come on.
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- [SCOFFS]
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- [HARPER SIGHS]
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Well, does this do anything for you?
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- This is beautiful.
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HARPER: I hate that you're gonna
be alone on Christmas.
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I'm gonna miss you.
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- Hey, I'm gonna miss you, too.
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- We could just stay up here.
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- I'd do that.
- [CHUCKLES]
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WOMAN: Hey! I hear you up there.
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I'm calling the police.
- [GASPS]
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- Um...
- [GASPING]
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- [BOTH GRUNTING]
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[SLIDING]
- [ABBY GRUNTS]
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- Abby?
ABBY: Harper!
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- [SCREAMS]
Oh, my God.
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Are you okay?
- Um...
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I don't know.
Uh, what do I do?
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Stay there.
I'm gonna get you down.
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- Okay. Yeah.
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- Shit.
- Uh...
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[GASPS]
Oh.
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WOMAN: What are you doing out there?
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- Harper!
WOMAN: Are you peeping?
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Don't you peep at me.
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- Oh, God!
[YELLS]
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[AIR HISSING]
HARPER: Abby?
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- [GROANING]
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Oh, my God.
Are you okay?
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- I'm so great.
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Here, here.
Yeah, yeah, come on.
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We got to go. Come on.
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She's coming. Go. Run.
- Oh. Hey.
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Yeah, you better run.
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Pervert.
- [LAUGHING]
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- Who said you could come downstairs?
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Giddyap.
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- [BOTH LAUGHING]
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[WHOOPING]
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[LAUGHING CONTINUES]
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- [HARPER SIGHS]
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Come with me.
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- Where?
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- To my parents' house for Christmas.
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- Oh, really?
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I've got the pets to sit.
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- Oh, my God, get someone
to cover for you.
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I want to...
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wake up with you on Christmas morning.
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And if that doesn't
convince you to love Christmas,
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I'll never bring it up again.
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- Deal.
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Yeah.
- Mm.
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["JINGLE BELLS" BY JOY OLADOKUN PLAYING]
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[IN DISTANCE]
♪ Dashing through the snow ♪
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♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪
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♪ O'er the fields we go ♪
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♪ Laughing all the way ♪
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♪ Bells on bobtails ring ♪
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[DOOR CLOSES]
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♪ Making spirits bright ♪
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♪ What fun it is to laugh and sing ♪
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♪ A sleighing song tonight ♪
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♪ Oh, jingle bells... ♪
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- Hi.
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- Hey.
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Sit down.
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- What's going on in here?
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- I just woke up thinking about
going home with you and got...
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very excited about Christmas.
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- Oh... baby, you don't--
You don't have to come with me.
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- Well, I want to.
HARPER: No.
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No, no, no, no, I--
[SIGHS]
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I feel like I really put you
on the spot last night,
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and I understand how you feel
about Christmas
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because you lost your parents,
and you just don't have--
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- No, no, no, I-I genuinely want to go.
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- Uh-huh.
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- I get to go meet the people
that made my favorite person.
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- Okay.
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But who's gonna look after all those pets?
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- John's gonna cover for me.
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I know why you're worried.
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But don't be.
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I'm all in on Christmas.
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- [INHALES DEEPLY]
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ABBY: Hmm?
- Good.
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ABBY: Yeah.
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So, for the cat,
you can go every other day,
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but the dog and the fish need
to be seen morning and night.
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- Mm-hmm. Okay.
- Oh, and the apartment on Butler
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has this weird lock, so if you jiggle it,
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it will lock, but you have to
make sure that you do that.
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- Yes.
- What are you doing on your phone?
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- I'm sorry, I left a gentleman
alone in my apartment,
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so I'm tracking him
to make sure he leaves.
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- You're tracking him?
- Yeah. I track everybody.
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If the NSA can do it, so can I.
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And he's gone.
Sorry, what were you saying?
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- I wrote it all down.
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They're really specific directions,
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but if you need anything,
you can obviously call me.
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- Abigail, don't worry.
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I'm responsible for the careers
of dozens of authors.
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I am more than capable of taking care
of a few pets for two days.
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It's...
it's five days.
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Five days.
That's what I said.
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WAITER: Refill?
- Hi.
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And I sort of think I made
the right decision, but at the same time--
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- What is Ultrasuede?
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- Ultrasuede is, like,
a water-resistant fabric.
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- Hello.
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- What are we doing here?
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- Hi. Can I help you?
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- Yeah, I'm picking up.
My name's Abby Holland.
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- Oh, yes, of course.
Um, just wait right here.
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I'll be right back.
Oh, enjoy some champagne.
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- Oh.
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Thank you.
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I love champagne.
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- Here we are.
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May I?
- Yeah, of course. Thanks.
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There it is.
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- No.
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Abby, you and Harper have
a perfect relationship.
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Why do you want to ruin that
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by engaging in one of
the most archaic institutions
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in the history of the human race?
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- Because I want to marry her.
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- Okay, you say that,
but what you're actually doing
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is tricking the woman you claim to love
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by trapping her in a box
of heteronormativity
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and trying to make her your property.
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She is not a rice cooker or a cake plate.
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She's a human being.
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- No, it's not about owning her.
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It's about building a life with her.
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She is my person,
and I really want everyone to know that.
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- I suppose that's one way
of looking at it.
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So, when are you gonna ask her?
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- I was thinking of doing it
on New Year's,
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but now that I'm going home with her...
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I understand this is very old-fashioned,
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but I'm probably gonna ask
her dad for his blessing
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and propose on Christmas morning.
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- I'm sorry,
ask her dad for his blessing?
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["JOLLY OLD SAINT NICHOLAS" BY CAVEBOY PLAYING]
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Way to stick it to the patriarchy.
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Really well done.
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♪ Jolly old Saint Nicholas ♪
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♪ Lean your ear this way ♪
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♪ Don't you tell a single soul ♪
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♪ What I'm gonna say... ♪
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ABBY: God, I'm so excited.
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I can't believe I'm finally
gonna meet everyone.
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I mean, I haven't had
a family Christmas in ten years.
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Also, a fact you don't know about me:
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00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:41,429
I am actually very good with parents.
206
00:10:41,430 --> 00:10:44,139
- Okay, there's something
that we should talk about
207
00:10:44,140 --> 00:10:45,729
before we get to my parents' house.
208
00:10:45,730 --> 00:10:46,809
- What is it?
209
00:10:46,810 --> 00:10:48,809
- Do you remember this summer
210
00:10:48,810 --> 00:10:53,029
when I came out to my parents
and told them we were together
211
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and they took it really well?
212
00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:56,949
- Yeah.
213
00:10:56,950 --> 00:11:01,369
- Okay, well, that wasn't
entirely accurate.
214
00:11:01,370 --> 00:11:03,789
- They didn't take it well?
215
00:11:03,790 --> 00:11:05,829
- No. No, no.
216
00:11:05,830 --> 00:11:08,329
Um...
217
00:11:08,330 --> 00:11:10,340
I didn't tell them.
218
00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:15,129
I was going to,
and then Dad told us
219
00:11:15,130 --> 00:11:16,929
that he was running for mayor,
220
00:11:16,930 --> 00:11:19,259
and it just didn't feel
like the right time,
221
00:11:19,260 --> 00:11:22,099
and then now he's trying to get
the support of this donor,
222
00:11:22,100 --> 00:11:24,559
and our whole Christmas is
about impressing this person,
223
00:11:24,560 --> 00:11:27,689
which is stressing my mom out
even more than usual, and I just--
224
00:11:27,690 --> 00:11:30,059
I know that if I tell them now,
225
00:11:30,060 --> 00:11:33,399
their reaction is gonna be colored
by all this other stress,
226
00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:35,899
and I-I'm sorry,
I don't think that's fair.
227
00:11:35,900 --> 00:11:37,649
To you or to us.
228
00:11:37,650 --> 00:11:39,319
- Then why did you invite me?
229
00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:43,739
- Because we were just having
such a special night, and...
230
00:11:43,740 --> 00:11:47,579
and, fine, I got carried away,
but it's because I love you
231
00:11:47,580 --> 00:11:51,249
and-and I want to give you
such a great Christmas.
232
00:11:51,250 --> 00:11:53,669
- You're off to a really great start.
233
00:11:53,670 --> 00:11:54,839
- I'm so sorry.
234
00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:56,879
- So, who do they think I am?
235
00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:58,339
- My roommate.
236
00:11:58,340 --> 00:12:00,299
- They don't think it's weird
that you're bringing
237
00:12:00,300 --> 00:12:02,049
your roommate home for Christmas?
238
00:12:02,050 --> 00:12:04,809
- No, because I told them that
you had nowhere else to go
239
00:12:04,810 --> 00:12:08,889
because your parents
are no longer with us.
240
00:12:08,890 --> 00:12:10,229
- I'm not going.
241
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:14,229
- Look, this is actually
a really good opportunity
242
00:12:14,230 --> 00:12:19,489
for them to see how amazing
and kind and smart you are.
243
00:12:19,490 --> 00:12:21,489
You said it yourself,
you're great with parents,
244
00:12:21,490 --> 00:12:24,529
so they're gonna meet you,
they're gonna fall in love with you,
245
00:12:24,530 --> 00:12:27,790
and then that'll make it so much easier
when I do tell them.
246
00:12:29,660 --> 00:12:31,670
Look...
247
00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:37,129
I get it, okay?
248
00:12:37,130 --> 00:12:40,219
I am asking a lot of you.
249
00:12:40,220 --> 00:12:42,889
But I promise
I will tell them everything
250
00:12:42,890 --> 00:12:44,890
after the holidays.
251
00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:54,150
- Okay, we can do this.
252
00:12:57,230 --> 00:12:58,899
It's five days.
253
00:12:58,900 --> 00:13:00,739
How bad can it be?
254
00:13:00,740 --> 00:13:02,740
["JINGLE BELLS" INSTRUMENTAL PLAYING]
255
00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:15,169
ABBY: Should I have some sort
of cover story or something?
256
00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:16,339
HARPER: Oh, no, no.
257
00:13:16,340 --> 00:13:17,959
Just be you.
- Okay.
258
00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:19,709
- I mean, but don't, you know,
259
00:13:19,710 --> 00:13:22,299
say that we're together,
obviously, and, um...
260
00:13:22,300 --> 00:13:26,679
you know, maybe don't mention
that you're, um...
261
00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:28,219
- Gay?
- Yeah.
262
00:13:28,220 --> 00:13:31,139
Yeah, I think, actually,
it might be better just to avoid it.
263
00:13:31,140 --> 00:13:32,439
But don't lie.
264
00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:34,399
You're a very bad liar.
265
00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:35,650
- No, I'm not.
266
00:13:37,270 --> 00:13:39,609
- Hi!
- Hi.
267
00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:41,109
- Wait.
268
00:13:41,110 --> 00:13:42,489
- Mom, what are you doing?
[CAMERA CLICKING]
269
00:13:42,490 --> 00:13:45,239
- I started an Instagram feed
270
00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:49,039
for your father to give voters
a peek behind the curtain.
271
00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:50,829
Your mother's going viral!
272
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,459
- [ALL CHUCKLE]
273
00:13:52,460 --> 00:13:53,579
TIPPER: Hi!
274
00:13:53,580 --> 00:13:55,169
BOTH: Aw.
275
00:13:55,170 --> 00:13:57,129
- Look at you.
276
00:13:57,130 --> 00:14:01,509
You get more and more beautiful
every single time I see you.
277
00:14:01,510 --> 00:14:03,929
- [LAUGHING]
Mom, stop.
278
00:14:03,930 --> 00:14:05,429
- Did you bring concealer?
279
00:14:05,430 --> 00:14:07,139
- Yeah. This is Abby.
280
00:14:07,140 --> 00:14:08,559
- Hi, Abby.
281
00:14:08,560 --> 00:14:10,179
- [CHUCKLES]
TIPPER: It is so nice to meet you.
282
00:14:10,180 --> 00:14:11,599
- It's so nice to meet you, too.
283
00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:12,849
Thank you for having me here.
284
00:14:12,850 --> 00:14:14,269
- It is nothing.
285
00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:18,649
Harper's father and I are always happy
to open our doors to those in need.
286
00:14:18,650 --> 00:14:20,069
- Where is Dad?
287
00:14:20,070 --> 00:14:22,439
- Uh, he's on a call.
- Oh, okay. Well--
288
00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:24,149
- Harper!
- [GASPING, YELLING]
289
00:14:24,150 --> 00:14:26,409
- Oh, Jane.
- [JANE LAUGHING]
290
00:14:26,410 --> 00:14:28,159
HARPER: Oh, I have asked you not to do that.
291
00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:29,659
- I know. I didn't listen.
292
00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:31,489
JANE: Oh. Yay!
HARPER: Oh.
293
00:14:31,490 --> 00:14:33,249
I didn't think you'd be here,
but here you are.
294
00:14:33,250 --> 00:14:34,829
- Oh, I didn't want to wait
one more second
295
00:14:34,830 --> 00:14:36,209
to see my little sis.
- Oh, what's this?
296
00:14:36,210 --> 00:14:37,749
- Oh, I was changing the air filters.
- It's sticky.
297
00:14:37,750 --> 00:14:39,749
- Thank you, Jane.
298
00:14:39,750 --> 00:14:41,459
Yeah, hi.
You must be Abby.
299
00:14:41,460 --> 00:14:44,219
- Yeah. Nice to meet you.
JANE: You, too.
300
00:14:44,220 --> 00:14:45,840
Um...
301
00:14:47,260 --> 00:14:50,049
I'm so sorry about your parents.
302
00:14:50,050 --> 00:14:51,469
HARPER: Oh, no.
303
00:14:51,470 --> 00:14:53,470
- Uh, it-it ha--
It happened a long time ago.
304
00:14:54,850 --> 00:14:56,439
- You're so brave.
305
00:14:56,440 --> 00:14:57,939
ABBY: Oh.
JANE: You don't need to be.
306
00:14:57,940 --> 00:14:59,399
- Jane.
- Mom, can you just--
307
00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:00,939
TIPPER: Okay. That's enough, Jane.
308
00:15:00,940 --> 00:15:03,529
Jane, too much. Too much.
JANE: You're always safe with--
309
00:15:03,530 --> 00:15:06,109
- So, this is our living room.
310
00:15:06,110 --> 00:15:07,989
- Wow, that's a beautiful piano.
311
00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:09,319
- Isn't it?
312
00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:11,369
Of course, I wish
my daughters had bothered
313
00:15:11,370 --> 00:15:13,539
to learn to play it,
but it does look nice.
314
00:15:13,540 --> 00:15:15,499
- I took lessons for eight years.
315
00:15:15,500 --> 00:15:17,169
TIPPER: And this is the den.
316
00:15:17,170 --> 00:15:18,999
- You're sure Harry will be there
tomorrow night, right?
317
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,039
Perfect.
318
00:15:20,040 --> 00:15:21,709
Oh, uh, Carolyn, I'll call you later.
319
00:15:21,710 --> 00:15:23,339
My daughter just arrived.
320
00:15:23,340 --> 00:15:25,169
There she is, my perfect girl.
321
00:15:25,170 --> 00:15:27,299
- Hi, Dad. [LAUGHS]
- Oh, look at you.
322
00:15:27,300 --> 00:15:29,889
BOTH: Oh!
[CAMERA CLICKS]
323
00:15:29,890 --> 00:15:32,309
- Hi, Dad.
- Jane, glad you're here.
324
00:15:32,310 --> 00:15:34,599
The Internet has been a little spotty.
325
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:36,599
- Ugh, not again.
326
00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:39,229
- Oh, and this is Harper's orphan friend.
327
00:15:39,230 --> 00:15:40,979
HARPER: Oh.
- This is Abby.
328
00:15:40,980 --> 00:15:42,729
- Yes, of course.
ABBY: Hey, sir.
329
00:15:42,730 --> 00:15:44,359
- [SIGHS]
Terrible.
330
00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:46,489
There, there.
331
00:15:46,490 --> 00:15:48,279
Harper, I read your piece
about that senator.
332
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:49,699
He's got to resign, right?
333
00:15:49,700 --> 00:15:51,489
HARPER: Yeah, I think it's just a matter of time.
334
00:15:51,490 --> 00:15:53,949
- That was a good piece.
- Aw.
335
00:15:53,950 --> 00:15:54,950
Thanks, Dad.
336
00:15:54,951 --> 00:15:56,579
- You know what was really good?
337
00:15:56,580 --> 00:15:58,959
Um, the speech that you made
at the food bank on Thanksgiving.
338
00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:01,379
- Oh, thank you. You-you know,
that speech wasn't scripted.
339
00:16:01,380 --> 00:16:02,959
I ju--
It just came to me.
340
00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:04,589
- You could tell.
I mean, you were very--
341
00:16:04,590 --> 00:16:06,419
Okay, enough shoptalk.
Let's continue.
342
00:16:06,420 --> 00:16:08,509
- Okay. Bye.
TED: See you later.
343
00:16:08,510 --> 00:16:11,049
- And this is Sloane's room.
344
00:16:11,050 --> 00:16:13,299
She's my eldest.
345
00:16:13,300 --> 00:16:14,719
- That's a lot of trophies.
346
00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:16,059
- Yes.
347
00:16:16,060 --> 00:16:17,729
She was brilliant.
348
00:16:17,730 --> 00:16:19,439
She and her husband Eric--
349
00:16:19,440 --> 00:16:22,309
he graduated top of his class at Yale--
350
00:16:22,310 --> 00:16:25,019
were very successful attorneys,
351
00:16:25,020 --> 00:16:28,779
but they gave it all up
to raise their beautiful twins,
352
00:16:28,780 --> 00:16:32,570
and now they make gift baskets.
353
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:36,659
Which is great.
354
00:16:36,660 --> 00:16:38,119
HARPER: Mm-hmm.
355
00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:40,710
- What'd I miss?
[PANTING]
356
00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:45,749
- Wow.
357
00:16:45,750 --> 00:16:48,169
- [SIGHS]
I know, right?
358
00:16:48,170 --> 00:16:50,009
Ugh, is it hot in here,
359
00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:51,759
or is it just him?
HARPER: Okay.
360
00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:53,429
- Yummy, yummy, yummy.
HARPER: Okay.
361
00:16:53,430 --> 00:16:55,759
- No. Jane. No.
- Num, num.
362
00:16:55,760 --> 00:16:57,269
HARPER: Mom, I thought you were gonna
363
00:16:57,270 --> 00:16:58,979
turn this room into your office.
364
00:16:58,980 --> 00:17:01,229
- Men need offices, dear.
365
00:17:01,230 --> 00:17:05,649
Oh, that is Harper's old
high school boyfriend Connor!
366
00:17:05,650 --> 00:17:08,649
[LAUGHS]
HARPER: I asked you to put this away.
367
00:17:08,650 --> 00:17:10,529
TIPPER: You know, he's still single.
368
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:12,489
HARPER: Okay, Mom, stop, please.
TIPPER: Mm.
369
00:17:12,490 --> 00:17:14,239
Do you have a boyfriend, Abby?
370
00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:15,319
- No.
371
00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:16,619
But I have.
372
00:17:16,620 --> 00:17:18,699
'Cause... I have had many.
373
00:17:18,700 --> 00:17:22,499
Um, but-but not too many;
an-an appropriate amount.
374
00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:24,539
I actually just went through a breakup.
375
00:17:24,540 --> 00:17:26,919
- Oh, no.
TIPPER: Abby.
376
00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:28,589
- [SIGHS]
Yeah, with, um...
377
00:17:28,590 --> 00:17:31,169
He was a--
He was a milk... man.
378
00:17:31,170 --> 00:17:34,049
- Okay, and I think
we'll just settle in now.
379
00:17:34,050 --> 00:17:37,719
- Okay. Well, we'll just
show Abby to her room.
380
00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:40,639
- What, is she not gonna
stay up here with me?
381
00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:44,899
- Harper, I would never ask
two grown women to share the same bed.
382
00:17:44,900 --> 00:17:46,809
[LAUGHING]
- Harper.
383
00:17:46,810 --> 00:17:50,149
- No, A-Abby will stay in Jane's old room.
384
00:17:50,150 --> 00:17:51,609
- Oh, oh, I could show it to her.
- Okay.
385
00:17:51,610 --> 00:17:52,819
I could take her down.
Yeah, let's go.
386
00:17:52,820 --> 00:17:55,159
- Settle down.
JANE: I'm settled!
387
00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:57,740
- Okay.
[DOOR CLOSES]
388
00:17:59,910 --> 00:18:01,289
- Oh.
389
00:18:01,290 --> 00:18:02,789
Your room's in the basement.
390
00:18:02,790 --> 00:18:04,289
Oh, yeah.
I had night terrors.
391
00:18:04,290 --> 00:18:07,629
They put me down here so I wouldn't
wake everyone up. [CHUCKLES]
392
00:18:07,630 --> 00:18:09,920
Behold.
[CHUCKLES]
393
00:18:12,130 --> 00:18:13,759
Cool, huh?
394
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:15,009
- It's very cool.
395
00:18:15,010 --> 00:18:17,089
- It's my room.
396
00:18:17,090 --> 00:18:18,809
- Is everything okay?
397
00:18:18,810 --> 00:18:20,179
- Yeah. Yeah. Really good.
398
00:18:20,180 --> 00:18:21,929
- No, not you. No.
- Oh.
399
00:18:21,930 --> 00:18:23,429
- Yeah.
TIPPER: Thank you, Jane.
400
00:18:23,430 --> 00:18:27,019
Why don't you go on home and rest up
a little bit before dinner?
401
00:18:27,020 --> 00:18:28,609
- Okay.
- [CHUCKLES]
402
00:18:28,610 --> 00:18:30,779
- Don't have any fun without me.
[LAUGHS]
403
00:18:30,780 --> 00:18:33,149
- Yeah.
JANE: Bye.
404
00:18:33,150 --> 00:18:35,489
- I'm sorry about all this mess.
405
00:18:35,490 --> 00:18:37,319
What?
No, this is so nice.
406
00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:39,909
- Better than your room at the orphanage?
407
00:18:39,910 --> 00:18:42,249
- Oh, I-I wasn't in an orphanage,
408
00:18:42,250 --> 00:18:44,959
'cause I-I was 19 when my parents died.
409
00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:47,209
- Oh. One of the lucky ones.
410
00:18:47,210 --> 00:18:48,379
- Well...
411
00:18:48,380 --> 00:18:50,289
TIPPER: I'll let you settle in.
412
00:18:50,290 --> 00:18:52,459
We leave for dinner at 6:45.
413
00:18:52,460 --> 00:18:53,669
- Okay.
414
00:18:53,670 --> 00:18:55,759
- Oh, there's no lock on this door.
415
00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:58,009
We had it removed
because Jane was always scared
416
00:18:58,010 --> 00:19:00,509
that we would lock her in.
417
00:19:00,510 --> 00:19:02,679
But don't worry,
you'll have total privacy.
418
00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:04,479
- Okay. [CHUCKLES]
Thank you.
419
00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:05,980
- Okay.
420
00:19:07,020 --> 00:19:08,729
["NOTHING RHYMES WITH CHRISTMAS" BY ANA GASTEYER PLAYING]
421
00:19:08,730 --> 00:19:12,319
♪ Nothing rhymes with Christmas ♪
422
00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:14,319
♪ Every poet knows... ♪
423
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:15,740
JANE: Milady.
ABBY: Thank you.
424
00:19:16,780 --> 00:19:18,159
COLLEEN: Is this all right?
425
00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:19,739
This is perfect, Colleen.
Thank you.
426
00:19:19,740 --> 00:19:22,289
- Oh, actually, I think we're
gonna need one more chair.
427
00:19:22,290 --> 00:19:23,579
COLLEEN: I'll have one brought over.
428
00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:25,289
- Oh, who else is joining us?
429
00:19:25,290 --> 00:19:27,039
- Hey, guys. How's it going?
430
00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:29,879
- [CHUCKLING] Connor!
How funny to see you here.
431
00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:31,129
- You told me to be here at 7:00, right?
432
00:19:31,130 --> 00:19:32,749
TIPPER: Shh. Oh, wow.
JANE: Hey.
CONNOR: How you doing?
433
00:19:32,750 --> 00:19:34,339
TED: Great to see you, Connor.
434
00:19:34,340 --> 00:19:35,379
- Hey, Ted. How you doing?
- Great.
435
00:19:35,380 --> 00:19:37,129
- Hi, Connor.
CONNOR: Hi, Jane.
436
00:19:37,130 --> 00:19:38,429
Hi. It's been a minute.
- Hi.
437
00:19:38,430 --> 00:19:39,589
- How are you?
- Yeah. Hey.
438
00:19:39,590 --> 00:19:41,599
- Connor, this is Harper's friend Abby.
439
00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:43,219
CONNOR: Oh, hey. Connor.
- Hey.
- She's an orphan.
440
00:19:43,220 --> 00:19:45,139
- Oh, um, I'm so sorry.
- Jane.
441
00:19:45,140 --> 00:19:46,389
CONNOR: I--
- What?
- What are you doing?
442
00:19:46,390 --> 00:19:47,559
- She is.
- No, it's-it's--
443
00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:48,560
- It's all we have.
444
00:19:48,561 --> 00:19:49,769
TIPPER: All right.
445
00:19:49,770 --> 00:19:51,399
Thank you.
Let's all take a seat.
446
00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:53,400
- [HARPER SIGHING]
447
00:19:55,990 --> 00:19:57,989
Do you want to switch?
- No.
448
00:19:57,990 --> 00:20:00,159
No, this is perfect.
- Okay.
449
00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:02,159
JANE: And then in the third chapter,
the Shadow Dreamers
450
00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:05,159
discover that the gemstone
that they thought was inside the gork
451
00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:08,329
was actually stolen by an evil floam,
which is sort of like a maggel
452
00:20:08,330 --> 00:20:10,119
but with less arms and more powers.
453
00:20:10,120 --> 00:20:11,419
- Oh, wow.
454
00:20:11,420 --> 00:20:12,839
That's amazing. It really is.
455
00:20:12,840 --> 00:20:14,999
- Jane, I just can't believe
you're still working on that book.
456
00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:16,049
It's been like ten years.
457
00:20:16,050 --> 00:20:17,669
- Takes a long time to build a world.
458
00:20:17,670 --> 00:20:21,179
- You know what I was
thinking about the other day?
459
00:20:21,180 --> 00:20:23,719
I was thinking about that trip
460
00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:26,269
that we took to our old house
in Jackson Hole
461
00:20:26,270 --> 00:20:28,599
when Harper got chicken pox.
CONNOR: Oh, yeah.
462
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:29,809
[LAUGHING]
Oh, God.
463
00:20:29,810 --> 00:20:31,189
- Harper told me this story.
464
00:20:31,190 --> 00:20:35,319
- Then you must know that
she very quickly gave it to Connor.
465
00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:36,609
- Yes, she did.
- [LAUGHTER]
466
00:20:36,610 --> 00:20:38,109
CONNOR: Very quickly.
TED: The two of them
467
00:20:38,110 --> 00:20:40,069
didn't leave the cabin for the whole trip,
468
00:20:40,070 --> 00:20:41,529
if I remember correctly.
CONNOR: No.
- Oh, my goodness.
469
00:20:41,530 --> 00:20:43,699
- Literally in a cabin running a fever.
470
00:20:43,700 --> 00:20:44,949
TED: Yeah.
- Together.
471
00:20:44,950 --> 00:20:46,789
- Together. Yep, yep.
TIPPER: Really laughing a lot.
472
00:20:46,790 --> 00:20:48,539
CONNOR: 00:20:50,369
Yeah. God, that was fun.
You know, I really,
474
00:20:50,370 --> 00:20:51,919
really loved going on those trips.
- Fun.
475
00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:53,789
- Well, we loved having you, son.
TIPPER: That was lovely.
476
00:20:53,790 --> 00:20:55,249
- Should we go to the ladies' room?
477
00:20:55,250 --> 00:20:58,009
- Oh, I-I would hate to miss
some of these stories.
478
00:20:58,010 --> 00:21:00,090
- No, we'll be quick.
479
00:21:03,340 --> 00:21:05,969
- [CHUCKLES]
- I am so sorry.
480
00:21:05,970 --> 00:21:07,929
I had no idea he was gonna be here.
481
00:21:07,930 --> 00:21:09,389
I swear.
482
00:21:09,390 --> 00:21:11,349
- It's funny, I remember you
telling me that story.
483
00:21:11,350 --> 00:21:13,189
I think you just forgot
to mention that Connor
484
00:21:13,190 --> 00:21:15,019
was also there.
- [SIGHS] I know.
485
00:21:15,020 --> 00:21:18,939
I-I don't know, he didn't seem like
an important part of the story.
486
00:21:18,940 --> 00:21:22,609
Look, I'm gonna talk to my mom,
and I'm gonna make sure that
487
00:21:22,610 --> 00:21:25,450
nothing like this happens
for the rest of the trip, okay?
488
00:21:26,990 --> 00:21:29,119
- You can be totally honest with me.
489
00:21:29,120 --> 00:21:30,539
Like, about anything.
490
00:21:30,540 --> 00:21:32,250
Seriously, I can take it.
491
00:21:33,290 --> 00:21:35,000
- Okay.
492
00:21:36,590 --> 00:21:39,089
Then you should know that
it is very difficult
493
00:21:39,090 --> 00:21:42,090
to sit next to you at dinner
and not be able to kiss you.
494
00:21:47,140 --> 00:21:48,850
- Yeah.
495
00:21:49,890 --> 00:21:51,729
- No more surprises.
496
00:21:51,730 --> 00:21:53,350
I promise.
497
00:21:57,770 --> 00:22:00,149
Riley.
RILEY: Mm.
498
00:22:00,150 --> 00:22:01,940
Harper.
499
00:22:02,950 --> 00:22:04,909
- Mm. Uh...
500
00:22:04,910 --> 00:22:06,569
- Sorry, um...
501
00:22:06,570 --> 00:22:08,079
Riley, this is Abby.
502
00:22:08,080 --> 00:22:09,949
Abby is my--
- Orphan.
503
00:22:09,950 --> 00:22:11,369
Roommate. We--
504
00:22:11,370 --> 00:22:13,329
I am an orphan, but we live together.
505
00:22:13,330 --> 00:22:14,619
As friends, um, like acquaintances.
506
00:22:14,620 --> 00:22:16,379
- Oh, please stop.
- Yeah.
507
00:22:16,380 --> 00:22:18,089
- Nice to meet you.
508
00:22:18,090 --> 00:22:20,169
So, I'm just gonna sneak on by you guys.
509
00:22:20,170 --> 00:22:21,379
- Oh, God. Sorry.
510
00:22:21,380 --> 00:22:23,300
Sorry. Just...
511
00:22:25,300 --> 00:22:26,929
- Was that the Riley?
512
00:22:26,930 --> 00:22:30,009
- Okay, that one really wasn't my fault.
513
00:22:30,010 --> 00:22:31,639
- Well, who knows, maybe...
514
00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:34,269
maybe another one of your exes
will bring out dessert.
515
00:22:34,270 --> 00:22:36,649
- Okay.
- Oh, my God.
516
00:22:36,650 --> 00:22:39,729
- Harper, did you see
that the Bennetts are here?
517
00:22:39,730 --> 00:22:40,860
HARPER: Uh...
518
00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:43,989
Yeah. We just ran into Riley.
519
00:22:43,990 --> 00:22:45,909
- Did you hear she's doing
her residency at Johns Hopkins?
520
00:22:45,910 --> 00:22:47,779
- I should have her look at my mole.
521
00:22:47,780 --> 00:22:50,529
- No, um, I hadn't heard that.
522
00:22:50,530 --> 00:22:52,079
- It's very impressive.
523
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:53,789
Her parents must be proud.
524
00:22:53,790 --> 00:22:55,329
And relieved.
525
00:22:55,330 --> 00:22:57,169
- I know. That lifestyle choice.
526
00:22:57,170 --> 00:22:59,539
[TIPPER CHUCKLES]
TED: Mm. Such a shame.
527
00:22:59,540 --> 00:23:00,629
- Abby, what do you do?
528
00:23:00,630 --> 00:23:05,549
- Oh, I'm-I'm working on my PhD
in art history over at Carnegie Mellon.
529
00:23:05,550 --> 00:23:07,219
My parents were professors there,
530
00:23:07,220 --> 00:23:09,679
so I kind of wanted to follow
in their footsteps.
531
00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:11,759
- You know, before law school,
532
00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:15,479
I took all the money I had
and went to Paris for a month.
533
00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:17,769
Spent every day in museums.
534
00:23:17,770 --> 00:23:20,559
That experience made me the man I am.
535
00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:22,069
- That-that must have been incredible.
536
00:23:22,070 --> 00:23:23,229
What a dream.
537
00:23:23,230 --> 00:23:25,319
- It was.
538
00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:27,859
Boy, Carnegie Mellon, huh?
539
00:23:27,860 --> 00:23:29,779
Bet you could teach me a thing or two.
540
00:23:29,780 --> 00:23:31,239
- [CHUCKLES]
JANE: Should I go over there?
541
00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:32,369
TED: No, darling, no.
542
00:23:32,370 --> 00:23:33,699
JANE: I do think it's getting bigger.
543
00:23:33,700 --> 00:23:35,300
TIPPER: No.
TED: Stay at the table, Jane.
544
00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:40,040
[KNOCKING]
545
00:23:42,090 --> 00:23:44,629
- Oh. You settling in okay?
ABBY: Hey.
546
00:23:44,630 --> 00:23:46,049
Yeah. Yeah.
547
00:23:46,050 --> 00:23:49,639
You're such a wonderful host,
so I'm great.
548
00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:51,259
- Thank you, Abby.
549
00:23:51,260 --> 00:23:52,509
Thank you.
550
00:23:52,510 --> 00:23:53,809
- Hi.
- Hi, sweetie.
551
00:23:53,810 --> 00:23:55,219
Do you need something?
552
00:23:55,220 --> 00:23:57,179
- No, just to say good night to Abby.
553
00:23:57,180 --> 00:23:58,890
- Oh.
554
00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:02,229
- Mom, do you mind?
555
00:24:02,230 --> 00:24:04,019
- Oh.
[LAUGHS]
556
00:24:04,020 --> 00:24:05,779
I get it. Girl talk.
557
00:24:05,780 --> 00:24:07,529
Okay, when you finish, um,
558
00:24:07,530 --> 00:24:09,609
I want to give you
a little early Christmas present.
559
00:24:09,610 --> 00:24:10,819
- Ooh, okay.
560
00:24:10,820 --> 00:24:12,410
- Night.
TIPPER: Night, Abby.
561
00:24:14,950 --> 00:24:16,700
- [SIGHS]
562
00:24:18,460 --> 00:24:20,459
Tonight wasn't the best.
563
00:24:20,460 --> 00:24:22,039
- Yeah.
564
00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:23,589
But we got through it.
565
00:24:23,590 --> 00:24:25,209
- You know, you're right.
566
00:24:25,210 --> 00:24:27,209
You are really good with parents.
567
00:24:27,210 --> 00:24:28,919
- You think they like me?
568
00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:30,629
- Definitely.
569
00:24:30,630 --> 00:24:33,679
- You think they like me
as much as they love Connor?
570
00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:36,059
- Oh, no. No, no.
571
00:24:36,060 --> 00:24:38,429
But they don't even really
like me that much, so...
572
00:24:38,430 --> 00:24:40,099
- [LAUGHING]
Oh.
573
00:24:40,100 --> 00:24:41,560
- [HARPER MUTTERS]
574
00:24:45,440 --> 00:24:47,440
I love you.
- I love you.
575
00:24:49,650 --> 00:24:51,660
[CHUCKLING] Stop it.
- [LAUGHS]
576
00:24:52,820 --> 00:24:55,029
JOHN: The hell did it go?
577
00:24:55,030 --> 00:24:57,869
Cheap freaking puzzle.
578
00:24:57,870 --> 00:24:59,869
[CELL PHONE VIBRATING]
579
00:24:59,870 --> 00:25:02,209
Yeah, Abby, I'm in the middle
of something right now.
580
00:25:02,210 --> 00:25:03,829
Is everything okay?
ABBY: Yeah.
581
00:25:03,830 --> 00:25:04,879
I'm just checking on the animals.
582
00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:05,880
JOHN: Oh, they're all good.
583
00:25:05,881 --> 00:25:06,999
I walked the dog.
584
00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:08,259
Fed him, fed the cats.
585
00:25:08,260 --> 00:25:10,260
All are well.
ABBY: What about the fish?
586
00:25:11,300 --> 00:25:12,839
- Uh, the fish are-- Yeah.
587
00:25:12,840 --> 00:25:15,219
The-the-the fish are-are--
Yes. Yeah.
588
00:25:15,220 --> 00:25:16,389
But enough about me.
589
00:25:16,390 --> 00:25:17,390
Have you managed
590
00:25:17,391 --> 00:25:21,939
to get a man's permission to take
ownership of an adult human woman yet?
591
00:25:21,940 --> 00:25:23,349
- Not exactly.
592
00:25:23,350 --> 00:25:24,769
- What's going on?
You sound tense.
593
00:25:24,770 --> 00:25:26,269
ABBY: No, I'm not tense. I'm great.
594
00:25:26,270 --> 00:25:28,279
There's just one tiny thing.
595
00:25:28,280 --> 00:25:29,940
Um...
596
00:25:31,740 --> 00:25:34,109
Harper isn't out, and her parents
don't know we're together.
597
00:25:34,110 --> 00:25:37,279
- Okay, you know what,
I always felt like something was off.
598
00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:39,199
You can't go over a year without meeting
599
00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:40,449
your significant other's parents.
600
00:25:40,450 --> 00:25:41,619
Trust me, I have tried.
601
00:25:41,620 --> 00:25:43,039
- I know, but it's not that big of a deal,
602
00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:45,379
'cause she does plan on telling them
immediately after the holidays.
603
00:25:45,380 --> 00:25:48,249
- So, what, her parents are believing
that their straight daughter
604
00:25:48,250 --> 00:25:51,419
brought home her lesbian friend
for Christmas?
605
00:25:51,420 --> 00:25:52,719
- No.
[SCOFFS]
606
00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:56,139
No.
They also think that I'm...
607
00:25:56,140 --> 00:25:58,259
that I'm straight.
608
00:25:58,260 --> 00:26:00,019
- Have they ever met a lesbian?
609
00:26:00,020 --> 00:26:01,309
- It's not so bad.
610
00:26:01,310 --> 00:26:03,229
It's kind of fun having a secret.
611
00:26:03,230 --> 00:26:04,849
- Yeah, I mean,
there's nothing more erotic
612
00:26:04,850 --> 00:26:06,689
than concealing your authentic selves.
613
00:26:06,690 --> 00:26:09,859
- I know it's not ideal. I--
614
00:26:09,860 --> 00:26:12,400
But I-I know that it's what
she needs right now, so...
615
00:26:20,450 --> 00:26:22,659
[GASPS]
616
00:26:22,660 --> 00:26:24,119
- Who are you?
617
00:26:24,120 --> 00:26:26,209
- I'm Abby.
618
00:26:26,210 --> 00:26:27,919
- Do you work here?
619
00:26:27,920 --> 00:26:29,549
- No, I'm H-Harper's friend.
620
00:26:29,550 --> 00:26:31,549
SLOANE: Kids?
621
00:26:31,550 --> 00:26:33,129
Where are you?
622
00:26:33,130 --> 00:26:35,129
Hey.
623
00:26:35,130 --> 00:26:37,220
What are you doing in here?
Out.
624
00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:40,719
MATILDA: But that's our room.
625
00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:42,269
- Sorry about them.
I'm Sloane.
626
00:26:42,270 --> 00:26:44,099
MATILDA: Why does she get to sleep in there?
627
00:26:44,100 --> 00:26:46,849
- Hi. I'm...
SLOANE: Because she's a grown-up, sweetie.
628
00:26:46,850 --> 00:26:48,519
- ...Abby.
629
00:26:48,520 --> 00:26:50,860
[IN DISTANCE]
SLOANE: Come. We're having breakfast.
630
00:27:03,540 --> 00:27:04,869
- [YAWNS]
631
00:27:04,870 --> 00:27:06,459
- Are you tired?
632
00:27:06,460 --> 00:27:08,079
Not me. I like the morning.
633
00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:11,339
But then I have something meaningful
to get out of bed for, so...
634
00:27:11,340 --> 00:27:13,589
KIDS: Thank you, Mommy.
635
00:27:13,590 --> 00:27:15,089
- Snowman pancakes.
636
00:27:15,090 --> 00:27:18,299
God, that's a lot of work for something
that's just gonna turn to shit.
637
00:27:18,300 --> 00:27:20,139
Oh, but that's kind of like
your law degree.
638
00:27:20,140 --> 00:27:22,219
- It must be freeing
to be so self-involved
639
00:27:22,220 --> 00:27:24,219
you don't realize that's actually
not appropriate language
640
00:27:24,220 --> 00:27:25,429
to use in front of children.
641
00:27:25,430 --> 00:27:26,950
ERIC: We got everything out of the van.
642
00:27:27,850 --> 00:27:29,149
- Thank you, honey.
- Mm-hmm.
643
00:27:29,150 --> 00:27:31,229
- Oh, this is--
- Abby. I'm Eric.
644
00:27:31,230 --> 00:27:32,689
- Nice to meet you.
ERIC: Mm-hmm.
645
00:27:32,690 --> 00:27:36,279
A teaspoon of coconut oil--
add some nice moisture to those hands.
646
00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:37,859
- Oh.
647
00:27:37,860 --> 00:27:39,200
Yeah, thank you.
648
00:27:42,370 --> 00:27:45,449
So, you and your sister
are pretty intense.
649
00:27:45,450 --> 00:27:47,829
- What do you mean?
650
00:27:47,830 --> 00:27:48,999
- Freeze!
ERIC: Ooh.
651
00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:52,669
- Don't move one more muscle
before I hug you!
652
00:27:52,670 --> 00:27:54,419
- Hi, Jane.
JANE: Oh. Oh, hi.
653
00:27:54,420 --> 00:27:55,879
- Oh. Yay.
- [JANE LAUGHS]
654
00:27:55,880 --> 00:27:56,969
- [SLOANE CLEARS THROAT]
655
00:27:56,970 --> 00:27:58,929
JANE: Hi, Eric. Hi.
ERIC: Hi, Jane.
656
00:27:58,930 --> 00:28:01,799
- Hi, you guys. Hi.
657
00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:03,059
Um...
[CHUCKLES]
658
00:28:03,060 --> 00:28:04,719
Gosh, you're so big.
659
00:28:04,720 --> 00:28:06,679
What are you, college students?
660
00:28:06,680 --> 00:28:09,139
- We're in elementary school.
661
00:28:09,140 --> 00:28:11,269
- Yeah. No, I-I know. I'm just--
662
00:28:11,270 --> 00:28:13,359
You're just so tall, you know?
663
00:28:13,360 --> 00:28:14,900
- Here they are.
- My babies.
664
00:28:16,610 --> 00:28:19,029
Aw...
665
00:28:19,030 --> 00:28:21,069
- Hi, Daddy.
- Did you get Harper's article I sent you?
666
00:28:21,070 --> 00:28:22,949
SLOANE: I did.
TED: Good, right?
667
00:28:22,950 --> 00:28:24,119
- Mm. Mm-hmm. Mm.
- Uh-huh.
668
00:28:24,120 --> 00:28:25,869
ERIC: Ted.
- Eric.
669
00:28:25,870 --> 00:28:27,329
Good to see you.
SLOANE: Hi, Mom.
670
00:28:27,330 --> 00:28:28,499
[CHUCKLING]
TIPPER: Hi.
671
00:28:28,500 --> 00:28:30,289
- Morning.
- Morning, Abby.
672
00:28:30,290 --> 00:28:32,839
Hey, girls, come here.
TIPPER: I'm good.
ERIC: Hi.
673
00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:34,289
- Just-just-just come over here.
674
00:28:34,290 --> 00:28:35,999
TIPPER: Just move a bit.
TED: I cannot believe
675
00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:39,259
I've got all my daughters under one roof.
676
00:28:39,260 --> 00:28:41,219
Mm, mm.
- This is great content.
677
00:28:41,220 --> 00:28:42,679
- Oh.
- Hold it. Hold it.
678
00:28:42,680 --> 00:28:43,680
- And smile.
TED: Hold on.
679
00:28:43,681 --> 00:28:45,469
JANE: Daddy.
- Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
- Got it.
680
00:28:45,470 --> 00:28:47,139
- Okay. I got to shower.
681
00:28:47,140 --> 00:28:49,139
Hey, big night tonight, girls.
- That's too much.
682
00:28:49,140 --> 00:28:50,809
- We're meeting a major donor
at the party.
683
00:28:50,810 --> 00:28:52,649
Harper, I need you to bring your A game.
684
00:28:52,650 --> 00:28:54,729
- Got it.
- Dad, do you need me to do anything?
685
00:28:54,730 --> 00:28:56,149
- Honey, no.
686
00:28:56,150 --> 00:28:59,069
You just bring that beautiful family
and show them off.
687
00:28:59,070 --> 00:29:00,489
Who knows?
688
00:29:00,490 --> 00:29:02,779
These might be the only
grandchildren we ever have.
689
00:29:02,780 --> 00:29:05,329
TIPPER: And it is crucial that we take
690
00:29:05,330 --> 00:29:08,499
the family holiday photo
for the Instagram tonight,
691
00:29:08,500 --> 00:29:12,209
so don't wear anything
that will strobe, Jane.
692
00:29:12,210 --> 00:29:14,839
- [JANE CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
693
00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:16,839
[SIGHS]
694
00:29:16,840 --> 00:29:18,459
Okay.
695
00:29:18,460 --> 00:29:21,549
Who's ready to go ice-skating?
696
00:29:21,550 --> 00:29:23,759
Are you ready? [CHUCKLES]
- No.
697
00:29:23,760 --> 00:29:25,760
♪ upbeat holiday music ♪
698
00:29:30,270 --> 00:29:32,479
- Let me know if you guys
need any more room.
699
00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:35,020
I can make myself real small.
700
00:29:36,060 --> 00:29:39,279
- So, Sloane and Eric,
you guys make gift baskets, right?
701
00:29:39,280 --> 00:29:40,609
- No.
702
00:29:40,610 --> 00:29:43,199
We create curated gift experiences
703
00:29:43,200 --> 00:29:45,619
inside of handmade reclaimed wood vessels.
704
00:29:45,620 --> 00:29:47,199
- Yeah, the vessels are gorgeous.
705
00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:48,200
She has impeccable taste.
706
00:29:48,201 --> 00:29:50,199
- Oh, no, honey, you have the eye.
707
00:29:50,200 --> 00:29:51,579
- Aw.
- Mm.
708
00:29:51,580 --> 00:29:52,919
- That sounds great.
709
00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:54,329
SLOANE: Yeah, Gwynnie seems to think so.
710
00:29:54,330 --> 00:29:56,129
Paltrow. Goop picked us up,
711
00:29:56,130 --> 00:29:58,090
and sales have been
through the roof ever since.
712
00:29:59,130 --> 00:30:00,379
- [HARPER SIGHS]
713
00:30:00,380 --> 00:30:02,760
- [LIVELY CHATTER]
714
00:30:06,930 --> 00:30:08,099
HARPER: Hey.
715
00:30:08,100 --> 00:30:09,469
- Hey.
716
00:30:09,470 --> 00:30:11,429
- Are you sure you're okay?
- Yeah.
717
00:30:11,430 --> 00:30:13,019
No, this is so fun.
718
00:30:13,020 --> 00:30:14,389
- Whoa.
719
00:30:14,390 --> 00:30:16,769
- Sloane, do you need a helper?
720
00:30:16,770 --> 00:30:19,399
- Please. I've always
skated circles around you.
721
00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:21,739
- [CHUCKLES]
That was in your youth.
722
00:30:21,740 --> 00:30:23,569
I mean, I've lapped you
like 12 times today.
723
00:30:23,570 --> 00:30:26,409
- Like I'm even trying.
- Like it would even matter.
724
00:30:26,410 --> 00:30:28,659
- 20 bucks says I can do
two laps in under a minute.
725
00:30:28,660 --> 00:30:30,239
- 50 bucks says I can do three.
726
00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:31,829
- Let's do it. Jane, time us.
727
00:30:31,830 --> 00:30:33,249
- Oh, I'm actually having fun just--
728
00:30:33,250 --> 00:30:36,039
BOTH: Jane.
- Okay, fun. Yeah.
729
00:30:36,040 --> 00:30:37,829
No problem.
730
00:30:37,830 --> 00:30:40,250
♪ tense music ♪
731
00:30:41,380 --> 00:30:42,380
JANE: Ready?
732
00:30:43,420 --> 00:30:45,379
Set.
733
00:30:45,380 --> 00:30:46,680
Go.
- [BOTH GRUNT]
734
00:30:49,220 --> 00:30:50,220
- [CHUCKLES]
735
00:30:51,220 --> 00:30:52,639
- Move!
- No!
736
00:30:52,640 --> 00:30:54,480
- I love it when they do this.
737
00:30:55,640 --> 00:30:57,019
ERIC: What are they doing?
- They're racing.
738
00:30:57,020 --> 00:30:58,309
- Ah, yeah.
739
00:30:58,310 --> 00:31:01,109
- Jane, time!
- Oh, I forgot to press start.
740
00:31:01,110 --> 00:31:03,109
How long do you guys think--
- Don't-don't tell them that.
741
00:31:03,110 --> 00:31:04,739
- You need to take a break yet, Sloane?
742
00:31:04,740 --> 00:31:05,859
- Huh, maybe you should just
743
00:31:05,860 --> 00:31:07,490
worry about yourself.
- Oh, yeah?
744
00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:09,739
[YELPS]
- [MAN GRUNTS]
745
00:31:09,740 --> 00:31:10,989
- Oh!
- Ooh.
746
00:31:10,990 --> 00:31:12,289
- [CHUCKLES]
747
00:31:12,290 --> 00:31:14,249
[YELPS, SCREAMS]
- [MAN GRUNTS]
748
00:31:14,250 --> 00:31:15,709
- Mm.
- Ow.
749
00:31:15,710 --> 00:31:17,039
ABBY: Should we stop them?
750
00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:19,249
ERIC: No, they'll tire themselves out eventually.
751
00:31:19,250 --> 00:31:20,289
- [LAUGHING]
Yeah. That's right.
752
00:31:20,290 --> 00:31:21,459
- That's the way it goes.
HARPER: Whoo!
753
00:31:21,460 --> 00:31:22,879
Get off me!
754
00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:24,299
- I love you guys.
I love you.
755
00:31:24,300 --> 00:31:25,759
HARPER: No! You're such a cheater!
756
00:31:25,760 --> 00:31:27,679
- Stop it! [SHOUTS]
- You stop it!
757
00:31:27,680 --> 00:31:29,009
- ...a little restless.
- They're gonna need to turn around.
758
00:31:29,010 --> 00:31:30,599
- Look, some of us were here
when you said to be here.
759
00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:32,509
- Jane, is that--
That's what you're wearing, right?
- Yeah.
760
00:31:32,510 --> 00:31:34,389
TIPPER: All right. Harper!
761
00:31:34,390 --> 00:31:36,769
Eric, can you make them be still?
762
00:31:36,770 --> 00:31:38,599
- Wow.
763
00:31:38,600 --> 00:31:40,359
- It's my early Christmas present.
764
00:31:40,360 --> 00:31:42,519
TIPPER: Harper, please come here.
765
00:31:42,520 --> 00:31:43,779
- Honey, we're very late.
766
00:31:43,780 --> 00:31:45,739
- Ted, the family holiday photo
767
00:31:45,740 --> 00:31:48,159
is an essential element
of every candidate's feed,
768
00:31:48,160 --> 00:31:50,989
and if we cannot manage to post one,
769
00:31:50,990 --> 00:31:53,699
we do not deserve to have
that account at all.
770
00:31:53,700 --> 00:31:55,039
TED: All right. Up, up, up, kids.
- That is so true.
771
00:31:55,040 --> 00:31:56,249
TIPPER: Jane, get out of the middle.
- Come on, Matilda.
772
00:31:56,250 --> 00:31:57,619
- Oh.
SLOANE: You have to stand, honey.
773
00:31:57,620 --> 00:31:59,579
TIPPER: Abby, would you mind taking that?
774
00:31:59,580 --> 00:32:01,249
- Yeah, not at all.
- Oh, thank you.
775
00:32:01,250 --> 00:32:04,049
- Okay, here we go. Here we go.
- Around and face this way.
776
00:32:04,050 --> 00:32:05,459
Thank you.
- Okay.
777
00:32:05,460 --> 00:32:07,799
- Everyone say, "Christmas."
778
00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:09,219
- No, don't say that.
779
00:32:09,220 --> 00:32:10,549
Just smile.
780
00:32:10,550 --> 00:32:12,549
[CAMERA CLICKING]
781
00:32:12,550 --> 00:32:14,259
- Okay.
- [TIPPER CHUCKLING]
782
00:32:14,260 --> 00:32:16,309
Ah, good. I can't wait.
783
00:32:16,310 --> 00:32:19,229
Blurry. Boring.
784
00:32:19,230 --> 00:32:20,939
Nope. Nope. Nope.
785
00:32:20,940 --> 00:32:22,859
Okay, none of these will do.
786
00:32:22,860 --> 00:32:25,729
Uh, we will try again tomorrow.
787
00:32:25,730 --> 00:32:27,819
Thank you.
HARPER: Where's Abby?
788
00:32:27,820 --> 00:32:29,820
♪ upbeat holiday music ♪
789
00:32:31,870 --> 00:32:33,870
- [QUIET CHATTER]
790
00:32:46,210 --> 00:32:48,589
- Ted, Tipper.
[LAUGHS, SQUEALS]
791
00:32:48,590 --> 00:32:50,679
Oh, I'm so glad you made it.
792
00:32:50,680 --> 00:32:52,889
Oh, mwah. Oh.
- Carolyn, you are a vision.
793
00:32:52,890 --> 00:32:54,679
TIPPER: Gorgeous dress.
TED: Mwah.
794
00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:57,269
Uh, you remember my daughters
Harper, Jane and Sloane.
795
00:32:57,270 --> 00:32:58,519
Sloane's husband Eric.
796
00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:00,519
Their children Matilda and Magnus.
797
00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:02,849
And this is Harper's friend Abby.
798
00:33:02,850 --> 00:33:05,149
CAROLYN: Charmed.
This is my assistant Levi.
799
00:33:05,150 --> 00:33:08,779
Though, truth be told, in a few years,
we'll probably all be working for him.
800
00:33:08,780 --> 00:33:10,319
- [LAUGHS]
Oh, you're too kind.
801
00:33:10,320 --> 00:33:11,819
- Oh.
- Is the white whale here?
802
00:33:11,820 --> 00:33:13,239
Ah, indeed.
Let me take you over.
803
00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:15,369
- Oh, Harper, come with us.
804
00:33:15,370 --> 00:33:16,789
Uh, Jane, uh, uh, keep Abby company.
805
00:33:16,790 --> 00:33:18,499
- You got it.
- Dad, should I come, too?
806
00:33:18,500 --> 00:33:20,249
- I'll come right back.
- Okay.
TED: N-No, honey.
807
00:33:20,250 --> 00:33:22,329
Just, uh, enjoy yourself.
- Great.
808
00:33:22,330 --> 00:33:23,709
CAROLYN: Now, Harry's tough.
809
00:33:23,710 --> 00:33:24,959
Don't let her throw you.
810
00:33:24,960 --> 00:33:26,799
- I'm gonna take the twins
to the kids' club.
811
00:33:26,800 --> 00:33:28,129
Please order me several drinks.
812
00:33:28,130 --> 00:33:29,169
- Yeah.
813
00:33:29,170 --> 00:33:30,469
- Come on, you guys.
814
00:33:30,470 --> 00:33:32,049
Let's go play.
815
00:33:32,050 --> 00:33:34,179
JANE: Okay. Well...
816
00:33:34,180 --> 00:33:36,429
looks like it's just us ladies.
817
00:33:36,430 --> 00:33:38,849
Now, I don't know about you,
but I am single
818
00:33:38,850 --> 00:33:41,440
and ready to mingle, so...
819
00:33:42,850 --> 00:33:45,109
CAROLYN: Harry.
820
00:33:45,110 --> 00:33:47,769
This is--
- Ted Caldwell.
821
00:33:47,770 --> 00:33:50,029
- Ms. Levin, it is an honor.
- [HARRY CHUCKLES]
822
00:33:50,030 --> 00:33:51,819
- I am gonna leave you two
to get acquainted.
823
00:33:51,820 --> 00:33:52,949
- Okay. Thank you.
824
00:33:52,950 --> 00:33:54,609
This is my husband Scott.
825
00:33:54,610 --> 00:33:56,659
We met on Bumble. [CHUCKLES]
TED: Pleasure.
826
00:33:56,660 --> 00:33:58,289
And, uh, this is my wife Tipper.
827
00:33:58,290 --> 00:33:59,999
My daughter Harper, who writes for the--
828
00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:01,409
- Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.
829
00:34:01,410 --> 00:34:02,789
HARPER: Yes.
- Yes, I'm familiar.
830
00:34:02,790 --> 00:34:04,289
- You've read her work?
831
00:34:04,290 --> 00:34:06,250
- Yes.
832
00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:11,259
♪ lively jazz music ♪
833
00:34:11,260 --> 00:34:13,929
- Hey, could I get a vodka neat?
834
00:34:13,930 --> 00:34:15,640
Thanks.
835
00:34:19,010 --> 00:34:20,020
- You're new.
836
00:34:21,770 --> 00:34:24,849
- Yeah, I'm just visiting.
- From where?
837
00:34:24,850 --> 00:34:27,019
- I'm really not interested
in meeting anyone tonight, so--
838
00:34:27,020 --> 00:34:28,320
- I am.
839
00:34:29,520 --> 00:34:31,359
CAROLYN: Oh, I'll have to check out Goop.
840
00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:33,359
Was that-- When was that one, again?
841
00:34:33,360 --> 00:34:36,660
- [QUIET, INDISTINCT CHATTER]
842
00:34:48,420 --> 00:34:50,049
- Are you enjoying the party?
843
00:34:50,050 --> 00:34:52,209
- Yeah.
844
00:34:52,210 --> 00:34:53,839
SLOANE: That's great.
845
00:34:53,840 --> 00:34:56,719
If my friend ditched me at a party
where I didn't know anyone,
846
00:34:56,720 --> 00:34:58,509
I probably wouldn't have a good time.
847
00:34:58,510 --> 00:34:59,679
- Oh, no, sh-she didn't ditch me.
848
00:34:59,680 --> 00:35:00,969
No, she's just helping your dad.
849
00:35:00,970 --> 00:35:03,270
- Yeah, she's very helpful.
850
00:35:04,770 --> 00:35:07,479
So, how long have you
and Harper been roommates?
851
00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:09,729
- I moved in like six months ago.
852
00:35:09,730 --> 00:35:11,319
- You moved in to her place?
853
00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:12,439
- Mm-hmm.
854
00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:14,279
- Isn't it a one-bedroom?
855
00:35:14,280 --> 00:35:15,989
- Technically, yes.
856
00:35:15,990 --> 00:35:17,449
Yeah, well, it was a one-bedroom,
857
00:35:17,450 --> 00:35:20,279
and-and now that we have
converted the pantry
858
00:35:20,280 --> 00:35:22,989
i-into my bedroom, it's a two-bedroom.
859
00:35:22,990 --> 00:35:25,209
Um, it's really spacious
in there, and it's--
860
00:35:25,210 --> 00:35:27,079
- I don't want to have
this conversation anymore.
861
00:35:27,080 --> 00:35:28,710
- No problem.
862
00:35:30,090 --> 00:35:32,129
- Being mayor is no small task.
863
00:35:32,130 --> 00:35:35,759
However, it's a task I am not only up for
but eager to take on.
864
00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:37,379
HARRY: I'm gonna stop you right there.
865
00:35:37,380 --> 00:35:39,299
I have a perfect record.
866
00:35:39,300 --> 00:35:40,719
And do you know why?
867
00:35:40,720 --> 00:35:42,509
Because I do my homework.
868
00:35:42,510 --> 00:35:44,519
Last election, I almost backed Dave Grady.
869
00:35:44,520 --> 00:35:46,769
- Dave Grady? Didn't his son--
870
00:35:46,770 --> 00:35:48,649
- Get arrested
for exotic animal smuggling?
871
00:35:48,650 --> 00:35:49,769
Yes.
872
00:35:49,770 --> 00:35:54,109
I'm telling you this
because I'm not just looking at you.
873
00:35:54,110 --> 00:35:55,439
This is a family affair.
874
00:35:55,440 --> 00:35:57,529
- Well, I can assure you,
875
00:35:57,530 --> 00:36:01,200
this family has nothing to hide.
876
00:36:03,990 --> 00:36:06,370
♪ upbeat jazz music ♪
877
00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:13,589
- Hey.
- Hey. Hey.
878
00:36:13,590 --> 00:36:15,419
- Hi. Can I have a sip of your drink?
879
00:36:15,420 --> 00:36:17,420
- Yeah, of course.
- Thank you.
880
00:36:18,720 --> 00:36:20,009
Mm.
- You okay?
881
00:36:20,010 --> 00:36:21,219
- Mm-hmm.
882
00:36:21,220 --> 00:36:23,219
I just needed a bit of a breather.
883
00:36:23,220 --> 00:36:24,559
Thank you.
884
00:36:24,560 --> 00:36:25,809
KELLY: Harper?
885
00:36:25,810 --> 00:36:27,099
HARPER: Mm!
- [SQUEALING]
886
00:36:27,100 --> 00:36:28,559
ASHLEY: Hi!
887
00:36:28,560 --> 00:36:29,939
- [LAUGHING]
Hi.
888
00:36:29,940 --> 00:36:31,649
You look incredible.
889
00:36:31,650 --> 00:36:33,729
- As always.
- Oh, my God.
890
00:36:33,730 --> 00:36:35,779
- [EXHALES SHARPLY]
You, too. God, guys.
891
00:36:35,780 --> 00:36:38,779
Oh, um, this is my roommate Abby.
892
00:36:38,780 --> 00:36:40,739
And this is Kelly and Ashley.
893
00:36:40,740 --> 00:36:42,319
KELLY: Oh, lovely to meet you.
- Yes.
894
00:36:42,320 --> 00:36:44,279
Nice to meet you, too.
CONNOR: Hey, you guys.
895
00:36:44,280 --> 00:36:45,869
Wow.
896
00:36:45,870 --> 00:36:48,119
God, sorry, just seeing the three of you
standing next to each other
897
00:36:48,120 --> 00:36:49,659
takes me right back to high school.
898
00:36:49,660 --> 00:36:51,959
Minus the bad cafeteria food.
899
00:36:51,960 --> 00:36:54,630
- [LAUGHING LOUDLY]
900
00:36:55,800 --> 00:36:57,669
You're so funny.
901
00:36:57,670 --> 00:36:59,509
- Uh, Harper, can I talk
to you for a second?
902
00:36:59,510 --> 00:37:01,509
HARPER: Um, yeah.
903
00:37:01,510 --> 00:37:03,759
I'll just be a sec.
904
00:37:03,760 --> 00:37:06,139
- Am I crazy, or did you have
absolutely no idea
905
00:37:06,140 --> 00:37:07,639
I was coming to dinner last night?
906
00:37:07,640 --> 00:37:09,559
- It was a surprise.
- Yeah.
907
00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:11,189
Yeah, I thought so.
908
00:37:11,190 --> 00:37:13,939
Um, sorry about that.
- It's not you.
909
00:37:13,940 --> 00:37:16,319
- But, actually,
I'd love to do... that again.
910
00:37:16,320 --> 00:37:19,109
Like, hang out again, if you got time.
911
00:37:19,110 --> 00:37:22,529
- That sounds so nice, and, um...
912
00:37:22,530 --> 00:37:26,029
and I just don't know, uh,
'cause it's so busy and--
913
00:37:26,030 --> 00:37:27,079
- Yeah. Totally got it.
HARPER: Mm-hmm.
914
00:37:27,080 --> 00:37:28,119
- No pressure.
HARPER: Yeah.
915
00:37:28,120 --> 00:37:30,459
- But that being said, if you, you know,
916
00:37:30,460 --> 00:37:32,959
and-and your roommate want
to get out and hang out,
917
00:37:32,960 --> 00:37:34,379
that'd be great.
- Abby. Yeah.
918
00:37:34,380 --> 00:37:36,039
CONNOR: Abby. Yeah. Absolutely.
919
00:37:36,040 --> 00:37:38,799
- Hey, if she doesn't
sleep with him, then I will.
920
00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:41,839
[GIGGLING]
921
00:37:41,840 --> 00:37:44,259
I'm just kidding. I would never.
922
00:37:44,260 --> 00:37:46,639
- He's definitely still into her.
923
00:37:46,640 --> 00:37:48,259
- I know.
924
00:37:48,260 --> 00:37:50,270
[CELL PHONE VIBRATING]
925
00:37:51,390 --> 00:37:53,519
- [SIGHS]
I should...
926
00:37:53,520 --> 00:37:55,479
take this.
927
00:37:55,480 --> 00:37:56,649
Hello?
928
00:37:56,650 --> 00:37:58,069
JOHN: Did you know that you're standing
929
00:37:58,070 --> 00:37:59,899
in a country club
that didn't let women have
930
00:37:59,900 --> 00:38:02,239
their own memberships
until the early 2000s?
931
00:38:02,240 --> 00:38:03,909
- How do you know that?
932
00:38:03,910 --> 00:38:05,869
- Um, I might be tracking you,
933
00:38:05,870 --> 00:38:07,869
but it's for your own safety, clearly.
934
00:38:07,870 --> 00:38:08,870
- What-what do you want?
935
00:38:08,871 --> 00:38:11,619
- I want you to break out of that closet.
[CAMERA CLICKS]
936
00:38:11,620 --> 00:38:13,079
- I am not in the closet.
937
00:38:13,080 --> 00:38:14,669
I told you, Harper's gonna
tell her parents everything
938
00:38:14,670 --> 00:38:15,670
right after the holidays.
939
00:38:15,671 --> 00:38:17,589
- You deserve to be with someone
940
00:38:17,590 --> 00:38:21,089
who shouts their love for you
from the rooftops.
941
00:38:21,090 --> 00:38:22,509
- That's very sweet.
[TOILET FLUSHES OVER PHONE]
942
00:38:22,510 --> 00:38:24,219
- So stop being a doormat, you fool.
943
00:38:24,220 --> 00:38:26,469
- Did you need something,
or did you just call to shame me?
944
00:38:26,470 --> 00:38:27,759
- I'm not shaming you.
945
00:38:27,760 --> 00:38:29,059
I just think the choice
you're making is dumb
946
00:38:29,060 --> 00:38:30,639
and you should feel bad
about it and yourself.
947
00:38:30,640 --> 00:38:33,640
Also, I am loving these fish.
948
00:38:34,690 --> 00:38:38,019
If I wanted to buy
the exact same one for myself,
949
00:38:38,020 --> 00:38:40,779
where-where do you think I would do that?
950
00:38:40,780 --> 00:38:41,989
- What?
951
00:38:41,990 --> 00:38:43,819
JOHN: You know what,
I think I should google it.
952
00:38:43,820 --> 00:38:45,110
I'm gonna google it. Thanks.
953
00:38:51,950 --> 00:38:53,619
- Hey.
954
00:38:53,620 --> 00:38:55,750
- Oh, hey. Hey.
955
00:39:00,460 --> 00:39:02,509
- How's it going?
- Great.
956
00:39:02,510 --> 00:39:08,009
- I was just taking a break from
diagnosing everyone's mystery illnesses.
957
00:39:08,010 --> 00:39:09,759
- [ABBY CHUCKLES]
958
00:39:09,760 --> 00:39:12,309
- Hey, I wasn't trying
to eavesdrop or anything.
959
00:39:12,310 --> 00:39:14,429
I was out there before you came out.
960
00:39:14,430 --> 00:39:17,100
You didn't see me, but, um...
961
00:39:18,560 --> 00:39:20,859
I can relate.
962
00:39:20,860 --> 00:39:22,860
- Like, to what?
963
00:39:27,030 --> 00:39:28,279
- Nothing.
964
00:39:28,280 --> 00:39:29,369
[CLEARS THROAT]
965
00:39:29,370 --> 00:39:31,079
Nothing.
[INHALES DEEPLY]
966
00:39:31,080 --> 00:39:33,200
[SIGHS] Okay.
I'm gonna go back inside.
967
00:39:34,580 --> 00:39:38,999
I'm sure my mother's hairdresser
wants to show me her weird finger again.
968
00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:41,000
- [CHUCKLES]
- So...
969
00:39:42,130 --> 00:39:43,880
I like your jacket.
[SIGHS]
970
00:39:44,880 --> 00:39:47,180
Okay.
[SHIVERS]
971
00:39:49,300 --> 00:39:52,559
[APPLAUSE, CHEERING]
- Thank you. Thank you so much.
972
00:39:52,560 --> 00:39:55,889
Will you all please join me in welcoming
973
00:39:55,890 --> 00:40:00,519
my dear, dear friend,
Councilman Ted Caldwell.
974
00:40:00,520 --> 00:40:02,320
- [CHEERING]
975
00:40:04,070 --> 00:40:06,109
TED: Thank you so much. Thank you.
976
00:40:06,110 --> 00:40:08,029
Isn't this the best time of year?
977
00:40:08,030 --> 00:40:09,489
I mean, really.
978
00:40:09,490 --> 00:40:11,449
I know we're all having
a great time tonight,
979
00:40:11,450 --> 00:40:13,279
so I will be brief.
980
00:40:13,280 --> 00:40:15,659
I've accomplished a lot in my life,
981
00:40:15,660 --> 00:40:18,079
and serving you on the city council
982
00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:22,839
is right up there
with my most rewarding life experiences.
983
00:40:22,840 --> 00:40:25,129
But I'm ready for more.
984
00:40:25,130 --> 00:40:26,339
- [CHEERING]
985
00:40:26,340 --> 00:40:29,299
TED: These are turbulent times,
986
00:40:29,300 --> 00:40:33,349
and the way I can ensure
depravity doesn't seep in
987
00:40:33,350 --> 00:40:35,929
through the cracks of our community
988
00:40:35,930 --> 00:40:40,019
is by making sure there are no cracks.
989
00:40:40,020 --> 00:40:42,020
- [CHEERING]
- No cracks!
990
00:40:44,270 --> 00:40:48,739
TED: Look, our foundation is built
on family, tradition and faith,
991
00:40:48,740 --> 00:40:54,199
and that is the only way
we will keep safe and strong.
992
00:40:54,200 --> 00:40:56,289
I have loved being your city councilman,
993
00:40:56,290 --> 00:40:58,449
and I can't wait to be your mayor.
994
00:40:58,450 --> 00:40:59,749
Merry Christmas.
995
00:40:59,750 --> 00:41:01,539
- [CHEERING]
996
00:41:01,540 --> 00:41:03,540
[CAMERA CLICKING RAPIDLY]
997
00:41:05,710 --> 00:41:07,710
♪ holiday music ♪
998
00:41:14,140 --> 00:41:15,390
[CELL PHONE CHIMES]
999
00:41:25,060 --> 00:41:27,279
[CAMERA CLICKS]
1000
00:41:27,280 --> 00:41:28,940
[PHONE CHIMES]
1001
00:41:32,820 --> 00:41:34,450
[PHONE CHIMES]
1002
00:41:40,910 --> 00:41:43,000
- [CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
1003
00:41:44,040 --> 00:41:47,049
[ON VIDEO]
TED: ...the way I can ensure depravity
1004
00:41:47,050 --> 00:41:50,299
doesn't seep in through
the cracks of our community
1005
00:41:50,300 --> 00:41:53,469
is by making sure there are no cracks.
1006
00:41:53,470 --> 00:41:56,389
- [CHEERING ON VIDEO]
1007
00:41:56,390 --> 00:41:57,969
[DISTANT DOOR CLOSES]
1008
00:41:57,970 --> 00:41:59,769
[ON VIDEO]
TED: Look, our foundation is built
1009
00:41:59,770 --> 00:42:03,189
on family, tradition and faith,
1010
00:42:03,190 --> 00:42:08,270
and that is the only way
we will keep safe and strong.
1011
00:42:11,780 --> 00:42:13,780
[TV PLAYING INDISTINCTLY]
1012
00:42:15,950 --> 00:42:17,739
[ON TV]
MAN: Um, for the chicken breast,
1013
00:42:17,740 --> 00:42:21,999
we were looking at a quarter cup of honey,
and remember to use local honey...
1014
00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:24,370
[FOOTSTEPS]
[TV CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]
1015
00:42:33,840 --> 00:42:35,129
- [SIGHS]
1016
00:42:35,130 --> 00:42:36,680
[FOOTSTEPS PASSING]
1017
00:42:39,260 --> 00:42:40,810
[PHONE CHIMES]
1018
00:42:44,060 --> 00:42:45,270
- [GASPS]
1019
00:42:47,150 --> 00:42:49,109
- Whoa.
[WHIRRING]
1020
00:42:49,110 --> 00:42:50,230
Shit. Shit!
1021
00:42:51,070 --> 00:42:52,569
Come on. Come on.
1022
00:42:52,570 --> 00:42:54,650
Nope. Shut up, shut up. Oh, no.
1023
00:42:56,780 --> 00:42:59,029
[CLATTERING]
1024
00:42:59,030 --> 00:43:00,539
Oh!
- [SCREAMS]
1025
00:43:00,540 --> 00:43:04,209
Abby, what are you doing in the closet?
1026
00:43:04,210 --> 00:43:07,499
- I-- Well, I guess
I must have been sleepwalking.
1027
00:43:07,500 --> 00:43:09,499
- Oh, that is very dangerous.
1028
00:43:09,500 --> 00:43:11,499
I once took too many Ambien,
1029
00:43:11,500 --> 00:43:13,629
and I bought a racehorse online.
1030
00:43:13,630 --> 00:43:15,009
ABBY: Oh.
TIPPER: Okay.
1031
00:43:15,010 --> 00:43:16,589
You need to go back downstairs, Abby.
1032
00:43:16,590 --> 00:43:18,089
- Okay.
- Carefully.
1033
00:43:18,090 --> 00:43:19,549
ABBY: Yeah, uh--
- Are you all right to do that?
1034
00:43:19,550 --> 00:43:21,259
ABBY: Yeah. Oh, gosh, my phone, too.
1035
00:43:21,260 --> 00:43:23,809
God, I-I was in such a daze.
TIPPER: I'll get all this.
1036
00:43:23,810 --> 00:43:24,849
ABBY: Okay.
- Go on.
1037
00:43:24,850 --> 00:43:25,850
ABBY: Um, I-I was--
1038
00:43:25,851 --> 00:43:27,399
- Do you want me to come with you?
1039
00:43:27,400 --> 00:43:28,479
ABBY: No, thank you.
1040
00:43:28,480 --> 00:43:29,610
I'm sorry about this.
1041
00:43:31,230 --> 00:43:32,609
[GASPS]
- [HARPER GROWLS PLAYFULLY]
1042
00:43:32,610 --> 00:43:35,109
- Oh, my God.
[LAUGHS]
1043
00:43:35,110 --> 00:43:37,409
How did you get down here?
1044
00:43:37,410 --> 00:43:39,369
- When I saw that mess upstairs,
1045
00:43:39,370 --> 00:43:41,869
I knew my mom would be busy
for the next two hours.
1046
00:43:41,870 --> 00:43:43,539
- What do you want to do for two hours?
1047
00:43:43,540 --> 00:43:45,500
- I don't know.
- Hmm.
1048
00:43:53,550 --> 00:43:55,550
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
1049
00:44:05,480 --> 00:44:07,100
HARPER: Mm.
1050
00:44:08,600 --> 00:44:10,309
[FOOTSTEPS IN HALL]
1051
00:44:10,310 --> 00:44:12,319
[KNOCKING]
- [BOTH GASP]
1052
00:44:12,320 --> 00:44:14,279
TIPPER: Abby?
- Shit.
1053
00:44:14,280 --> 00:44:15,689
Fuck.
1054
00:44:15,690 --> 00:44:17,149
TIPPER: Abby, honey, are you okay?
1055
00:44:17,150 --> 00:44:19,109
Uh-huh.
I'm-I'm-I'm okay.
1056
00:44:19,110 --> 00:44:21,029
- [WHISPERS]
I can't believe I fell asleep.
1057
00:44:21,030 --> 00:44:23,789
TIPPER: Um, I think there's
something against the door.
1058
00:44:23,790 --> 00:44:25,789
ABBY: Um, I'm just moving it right now.
1059
00:44:25,790 --> 00:44:27,000
Sorry. It's heavy.
1060
00:44:28,080 --> 00:44:29,119
Morning.
1061
00:44:29,120 --> 00:44:31,079
- Why did you block the door?
1062
00:44:31,080 --> 00:44:33,590
- I-I didn't want to sleepwalk again.
1063
00:44:35,090 --> 00:44:37,259
- Well, sorry to barge in.
1064
00:44:37,260 --> 00:44:39,379
The twins usually stay down here.
1065
00:44:39,380 --> 00:44:41,299
I'm just getting them Jane's old Game Boy.
1066
00:44:41,300 --> 00:44:42,429
- Morning, kids.
1067
00:44:42,430 --> 00:44:44,599
- Morning.
TED: Abby.
1068
00:44:44,600 --> 00:44:46,889
Uh, honey, I'm headed to the office,
but I wanted to let you know
1069
00:44:46,890 --> 00:44:50,520
I have invited Harry Levin and her husband
to our Christmas Eve party.
1070
00:44:51,560 --> 00:44:52,609
- What?
1071
00:44:52,610 --> 00:44:53,689
TED: Well, you heard what she said.
1072
00:44:53,690 --> 00:44:56,609
- [TIPPER SIGHS]
TED: It's not just about me.
1073
00:44:56,610 --> 00:44:58,439
It's about our whole family.
1074
00:44:58,440 --> 00:45:01,029
And what is a better
representation of our family
1075
00:45:01,030 --> 00:45:04,330
than your Christmas Eve party?
1076
00:45:05,370 --> 00:45:07,200
- It is legendary.
1077
00:45:08,700 --> 00:45:09,959
TED: Mwah!
- [TIPPER SIGHS]
1078
00:45:09,960 --> 00:45:11,869
TED: Have a good day.
- You know I will.
1079
00:45:11,870 --> 00:45:13,129
TIPPER: Can't even believe that.
1080
00:45:13,130 --> 00:45:15,289
That is two more people on the guest list.
1081
00:45:15,290 --> 00:45:18,049
I basically have to reimagine
the entire party.
1082
00:45:18,050 --> 00:45:19,719
- [SIGHS]
Man.
1083
00:45:19,720 --> 00:45:21,339
- Found it.
1084
00:45:21,340 --> 00:45:23,929
Okay, come on, you two.
1085
00:45:23,930 --> 00:45:25,850
Let's look at it.
1086
00:45:28,180 --> 00:45:29,929
- [WHISPERS]
That was very, very close.
1087
00:45:29,930 --> 00:45:31,439
- We shouldn't have done that.
1088
00:45:31,440 --> 00:45:34,559
- Harper, we've been up since 5:45 a.m...
- This is the last batch.
1089
00:45:34,560 --> 00:45:36,899
- ...and the twins already made
their own batch of cookies
1090
00:45:36,900 --> 00:45:38,069
and decorated them.
- No.
1091
00:45:38,070 --> 00:45:40,899
SLOANE: We're making these for the party.
1092
00:45:40,900 --> 00:45:42,159
- Okay, I'm off.
1093
00:45:42,160 --> 00:45:43,569
- What? Where are you going?
1094
00:45:43,570 --> 00:45:45,489
- Uh, Levi has a connection
with a local potpourri vendor.
1095
00:45:45,490 --> 00:45:46,699
He's gonna introduce us.
1096
00:45:46,700 --> 00:45:48,369
- Great. Right.
ERIC: Yeah.
1097
00:45:48,370 --> 00:45:49,370
Bye, babe.
1098
00:45:49,371 --> 00:45:50,539
TIPPER: It just runs everywhere.
1099
00:45:50,540 --> 00:45:51,619
- Bye, kids.
- That's right. That's right.
1100
00:45:51,620 --> 00:45:52,789
KIDS: Bye, Daddy.
1101
00:45:52,790 --> 00:45:53,999
- Jane. Oh, my God.
1102
00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:55,499
- I'm just gonna do a button. Can I--
- No, no.
1103
00:45:55,500 --> 00:45:56,999
- You can't decorate these.
- But they have buttons.
1104
00:45:57,000 --> 00:45:58,709
- And can you not?
I'm trying to have an even number.
1105
00:45:58,710 --> 00:46:00,339
- Mommy, when are we gonna see Santa?
1106
00:46:00,340 --> 00:46:01,799
- Honey, I don't know
if we're gonna have time
1107
00:46:01,800 --> 00:46:03,679
to see him this year.
Jane, can you not? I just--
1108
00:46:03,680 --> 00:46:05,509
- Oh, take them to see Santa Claus.
1109
00:46:05,510 --> 00:46:07,809
This could be the last year
that they see him.
1110
00:46:07,810 --> 00:46:09,099
- Why? Is Santa dying?
1111
00:46:09,100 --> 00:46:10,809
- No.
- Are we dying?
1112
00:46:10,810 --> 00:46:13,099
- No. Fine, I will take you.
1113
00:46:13,100 --> 00:46:15,269
I still need to get
a white elephant gift anyway.
1114
00:46:15,270 --> 00:46:17,609
Did you guys get yours?
- Yes.
1115
00:46:17,610 --> 00:46:20,229
- [CHUCKLES] Yeah, I'm making
something very special.
1116
00:46:20,230 --> 00:46:21,609
- Uh, what is white elephant?
1117
00:46:21,610 --> 00:46:23,529
TIPPER: Oh, it's a gift exchange game we do
1118
00:46:23,530 --> 00:46:25,949
every year at our Christmas Eve party.
- Oh.
1119
00:46:25,950 --> 00:46:27,909
- And I guess you don't know what it is
1120
00:46:27,910 --> 00:46:30,449
because Harper forgot
to tell you about it.
1121
00:46:30,450 --> 00:46:32,369
- I'm sorry.
- That's okay.
1122
00:46:32,370 --> 00:46:33,789
I-I can run out and grab one today.
1123
00:46:33,790 --> 00:46:37,629
- Great. So, you girls can tag along
with Sloane to the mall.
1124
00:46:37,630 --> 00:46:40,169
- Oh. Actually, I told Dad
that I'd go to his office
1125
00:46:40,170 --> 00:46:42,419
and help him write his speech
for Carolyn's dinner tonight.
1126
00:46:42,420 --> 00:46:44,339
- Yeah, I wish I could go,
1127
00:46:44,340 --> 00:46:46,139
but, um, I have to put
the finishing touches
1128
00:46:46,140 --> 00:46:48,349
on my Christmas gifts.
1129
00:46:48,350 --> 00:46:50,219
- Guess it's just gonna be
you and me. Fun.
1130
00:46:50,220 --> 00:46:52,179
TIPPER: Well, just make sure
you're all back here by 4:00.
1131
00:46:52,180 --> 00:46:53,559
- That's okay?
1132
00:46:53,560 --> 00:46:56,559
- We are going to get
that Christmas photo tonight
1133
00:46:56,560 --> 00:46:57,859
before we leave for dinner.
1134
00:46:57,860 --> 00:46:59,019
- Yes.
- Yes.
1135
00:46:59,020 --> 00:47:01,030
♪ holiday music playing over speakers ♪
1136
00:47:09,620 --> 00:47:11,289
- Oh. Hey.
1137
00:47:11,290 --> 00:47:13,999
Hey. Can you watch them for a bit?
1138
00:47:14,000 --> 00:47:16,119
I have to run an errand.
Um, Santa promised them
1139
00:47:16,120 --> 00:47:19,339
[HUSHED]
the complete works of Sylvia Plath, so...
1140
00:47:19,340 --> 00:47:20,629
Is that all right?
1141
00:47:20,630 --> 00:47:21,749
- Yeah.
1142
00:47:21,750 --> 00:47:23,259
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1143
00:47:23,260 --> 00:47:25,009
- Okay. Thank you.
1144
00:47:25,010 --> 00:47:27,089
Be good, you two.
1145
00:47:27,090 --> 00:47:30,049
♪ playful holiday music ♪
1146
00:47:30,050 --> 00:47:34,139
- Hi, guys.
Do you, um, want to come over--
1147
00:47:34,140 --> 00:47:35,559
Want to-- Come on.
1148
00:47:35,560 --> 00:47:37,939
[♪♪♪]
1149
00:47:37,940 --> 00:47:39,480
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
1150
00:47:41,860 --> 00:47:44,690
- Why was Aunt Harper hiding
in your room this morning?
1151
00:47:45,740 --> 00:47:48,279
- Uh, we were playing a game.
1152
00:47:48,280 --> 00:47:49,949
- Like hide-and-seek?
1153
00:47:49,950 --> 00:47:51,579
- Yeah, like hide-and-seek.
1154
00:47:51,580 --> 00:47:53,159
MAGNUS: We love that game.
1155
00:47:53,160 --> 00:47:55,159
- What do you guys think about
this white elephant game?
1156
00:47:55,160 --> 00:47:56,999
What gift should I get?
Can you help me?
1157
00:47:57,000 --> 00:47:58,749
- How about this?
1158
00:47:58,750 --> 00:48:00,379
- That is nice.
1159
00:48:00,380 --> 00:48:03,709
I was thinking maybe
something everyone might like.
1160
00:48:03,710 --> 00:48:05,589
Like, um...
1161
00:48:05,590 --> 00:48:08,259
I don't know, a scarf
might be good, actually.
1162
00:48:08,260 --> 00:48:10,679
Someone might want to have that.
1163
00:48:10,680 --> 00:48:13,100
Seems Christmassy.
1164
00:48:14,720 --> 00:48:16,559
Oh.
1165
00:48:16,560 --> 00:48:18,389
Hey, come on. Um...
1166
00:48:18,390 --> 00:48:20,349
Hey, Carolyn.
1167
00:48:20,350 --> 00:48:21,860
Hey, it's good to see you.
1168
00:48:23,190 --> 00:48:25,189
I'm Abby. We met last night.
1169
00:48:25,190 --> 00:48:27,189
I'm Harper Caldwell's friend.
1170
00:48:27,190 --> 00:48:29,699
- [GASPS]
Oh! Oh, yes.
1171
00:48:29,700 --> 00:48:31,949
[CHUCKLING]
Yes, of course.
1172
00:48:31,950 --> 00:48:33,240
Mm.
1173
00:48:34,740 --> 00:48:37,290
It's lovely seeing you.
1174
00:48:38,330 --> 00:48:40,530
- Hey, I'm-I'm really looking forward
to dinner tonight.
1175
00:48:41,380 --> 00:48:43,420
- Okay.
- Okay.
1176
00:48:46,420 --> 00:48:48,299
Have-have a nice day.
I'll see you later.
1177
00:48:48,300 --> 00:48:50,339
[ALARM BLARING]
CRYSTAL: Hey! Ma'am!
1178
00:48:50,340 --> 00:48:51,759
ED: Oh, ma'am!
CRYSTAL: Ma'am, we're gonna stop you right there.
1179
00:48:51,760 --> 00:48:53,799
ED: Ma'am, put the bag on the floor.
- Okay.
1180
00:48:53,800 --> 00:48:54,969
CRYSTAL: Miss, put it down.
ED: Ma'am!
1181
00:48:54,970 --> 00:48:57,559
Put the bag on the floor
and slide it to me.
1182
00:48:57,560 --> 00:48:58,889
You want to explain that?
ABBY: A-As I've said,
1183
00:48:58,890 --> 00:49:01,349
I did not put that in my bag.
There might--
1184
00:49:01,350 --> 00:49:03,359
- Oh, you didn't put it in your bag...
- Oh.
1185
00:49:03,360 --> 00:49:06,479
- ...but it ended up in your bag, so this
is probably just a big misunderstanding.
1186
00:49:06,480 --> 00:49:08,989
- Maybe it grew legs
and then it walked into her bag.
1187
00:49:08,990 --> 00:49:10,529
- [STAMMERS]
CRYSTAL: Did you check it for legs, or--
1188
00:49:10,530 --> 00:49:11,859
- I haven't checked it for legs.
- You haven't done that.
1189
00:49:11,860 --> 00:49:13,779
- I'm not suggesting that it grew legs.
1190
00:49:13,780 --> 00:49:15,739
- It's not looking good, sweetie.
1191
00:49:15,740 --> 00:49:16,949
- Pittsburgh, huh?
1192
00:49:16,950 --> 00:49:18,249
- Yeah.
1193
00:49:18,250 --> 00:49:19,959
- What are you doing down this way?
1194
00:49:19,960 --> 00:49:21,329
- You pulling a job?
1195
00:49:21,330 --> 00:49:22,669
Jacking a roost?
1196
00:49:22,670 --> 00:49:24,289
- What was that?
CRYSTAL: Yeah, hocking crank
1197
00:49:24,290 --> 00:49:25,629
and breaking bad?
1198
00:49:25,630 --> 00:49:27,669
- I'm not doing any of those things.
ED: Smash and grab?
1199
00:49:27,670 --> 00:49:29,719
- I-I didn't take this necklace.
CRYSTAL: Wow.
1200
00:49:29,720 --> 00:49:31,679
ABBY: I'm sure that you could
review some footage.
1201
00:49:31,680 --> 00:49:32,680
Aren't there cameras in malls?
1202
00:49:32,681 --> 00:49:34,679
- Are you telling me how to do my job?
ABBY: There are cameras everywhere.
1203
00:49:34,680 --> 00:49:35,889
CRYSTAL: You're gonna regret it.
- No.
1204
00:49:35,890 --> 00:49:37,009
ED: You know what? Fine.
- No, I'm not doing any--
1205
00:49:37,010 --> 00:49:38,969
- Why don't you go ahead and do my job, hotshot?
- Good freaking luck.
1206
00:49:38,970 --> 00:49:40,389
ED: You're in charge now.
CRYSTAL: Yeah.
1207
00:49:40,390 --> 00:49:41,889
- Can you believe--
- No, I'm gonna get her to sing, okay?
1208
00:49:41,890 --> 00:49:43,649
ED: Go ahead.
CRYSTAL: I'm gonna make this little birdie
1209
00:49:43,650 --> 00:49:45,900
go tweet, tweet, tweet, becau--
- Go ahead.
1210
00:49:47,400 --> 00:49:49,029
- Eugene.
- [EUGENE STAMMERS]
1211
00:49:49,030 --> 00:49:50,439
- Goddamn it. We're--
- What are you--
1212
00:49:50,440 --> 00:49:51,859
- I heard there were Cruffins in here.
1213
00:49:51,860 --> 00:49:52,949
- No.
1214
00:49:52,950 --> 00:49:54,409
- There aren't any Cruffins.
1215
00:49:54,410 --> 00:49:56,409
EUGENE: There's not, or there were?
Were there?
1216
00:49:56,410 --> 00:49:58,409
CRYSTAL: No, we stopped keeping food in here.
ED: No.
1217
00:49:58,410 --> 00:49:59,749
HARPER: Dad, Abby would never do this.
1218
00:49:59,750 --> 00:50:00,959
SLOANE: Go get ready quick, quick, quick,
1219
00:50:00,960 --> 00:50:02,119
because we're late now.
1220
00:50:02,120 --> 00:50:03,289
TED: This isn't a conversation, Harper.
1221
00:50:03,290 --> 00:50:04,290
HARPER: Please, Dad, just be--
1222
00:50:04,291 --> 00:50:05,789
[HUSHED]
TIPPER: Shh! Quiet.
1223
00:50:05,790 --> 00:50:07,419
HARPER: Okay. I'm sorry.
TIPPER: Oh, I know. I know.
1224
00:50:07,420 --> 00:50:09,170
HARPER: I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
1225
00:50:14,510 --> 00:50:16,549
- I didn't do it.
1226
00:50:16,550 --> 00:50:17,889
- Baby, I know.
1227
00:50:17,890 --> 00:50:21,679
But Carolyn thinks it would just be better
if you weren't at the dinner.
1228
00:50:21,680 --> 00:50:23,769
Look, it's gonna be so boring anyways.
1229
00:50:23,770 --> 00:50:25,399
You're lucky you don't have to go.
1230
00:50:25,400 --> 00:50:27,400
Come here.
1231
00:50:29,190 --> 00:50:31,439
[SIGHS]
1232
00:50:31,440 --> 00:50:35,109
Can we hang out tonight after the dinner?
1233
00:50:35,110 --> 00:50:37,579
My friends want to go out,
and-and we can go with them
1234
00:50:37,580 --> 00:50:39,989
or we can not go with them, but...
1235
00:50:39,990 --> 00:50:42,619
I just think we-we need a break
1236
00:50:42,620 --> 00:50:44,709
from the family.
1237
00:50:44,710 --> 00:50:46,130
- Yeah, s--
[KNOCKING]
1238
00:50:47,710 --> 00:50:49,839
- Harper, we have got to go.
1239
00:50:49,840 --> 00:50:51,339
Come on, we're gonna be late.
1240
00:50:51,340 --> 00:50:53,049
- Okay.
[SIGHS]
1241
00:50:53,050 --> 00:50:54,469
I'll see you later?
ABBY: Mm-hmm.
1242
00:50:54,470 --> 00:50:55,589
- Okay.
1243
00:50:55,590 --> 00:50:56,929
I'm sorry.
1244
00:50:56,930 --> 00:50:59,349
TIPPER: We weren't able to get the photo again.
1245
00:50:59,350 --> 00:51:00,599
[DOOR CLOSES]
1246
00:51:00,600 --> 00:51:02,599
["BLAME IT ON CHRISTMAS" BY SHEA DIAMOND PLAYING]
1247
00:51:02,600 --> 00:51:04,600
♪ Blame it on Christmas ♪
1248
00:51:06,020 --> 00:51:09,190
♪ Why I'm out of control ♪
1249
00:51:10,440 --> 00:51:14,359
♪ Oh, give me forgiveness ♪
1250
00:51:14,360 --> 00:51:17,870
♪ For what's about to unfold ♪
1251
00:51:19,660 --> 00:51:24,159
♪ 'Cause I just can't keep my cool ♪
1252
00:51:24,160 --> 00:51:28,499
♪ While I'm tiding all of this yule ♪
1253
00:51:28,500 --> 00:51:32,249
♪ Blame it on, blame it on Christmas ♪
1254
00:51:32,250 --> 00:51:34,840
♪ Ooh, why I'm acting a fool. ♪
1255
00:51:36,630 --> 00:51:37,799
- Hey.
1256
00:51:37,800 --> 00:51:39,849
- We meet again.
1257
00:51:39,850 --> 00:51:41,429
[CHUCKLES]
ABBY: Yeah.
1258
00:51:41,430 --> 00:51:43,059
- No Harper?
1259
00:51:43,060 --> 00:51:45,889
- No, she's, um, with her family.
1260
00:51:45,890 --> 00:51:47,849
I-I'm gonna meet up with her in a bit.
1261
00:51:47,850 --> 00:51:49,309
What'd you get?
1262
00:51:49,310 --> 00:51:51,979
- Um...
1263
00:51:51,980 --> 00:51:56,029
Oh, I can't tell you, because it's for
the white elephant party.
1264
00:51:56,030 --> 00:51:57,989
- Ah, you're going to that, too?
1265
00:51:57,990 --> 00:51:59,369
- Oh, yeah.
1266
00:51:59,370 --> 00:52:01,199
Yeah, my family goes every year.
1267
00:52:01,200 --> 00:52:03,119
It's, um...
1268
00:52:03,120 --> 00:52:05,199
God, it's the best party of the year.
1269
00:52:05,200 --> 00:52:07,459
- [LAUGHS]
1270
00:52:07,460 --> 00:52:10,039
You know, I'm-I'm glad I ran into you,
1271
00:52:10,040 --> 00:52:13,209
'cause I'm having this thing where
if I stick my finger in my eye,
1272
00:52:13,210 --> 00:52:14,959
it, like, really hurts.
1273
00:52:14,960 --> 00:52:18,589
- Yeah, I mean, that's
a classic case of, um,
1274
00:52:18,590 --> 00:52:20,849
contact stupiditis.
1275
00:52:20,850 --> 00:52:23,099
Um, because it's a stupid thing to do.
1276
00:52:23,100 --> 00:52:24,889
- [LAUGHS] Yep.
- Once you get to
1277
00:52:24,890 --> 00:52:26,769
the finger-poking stage,
you're-you're pretty much dead.
1278
00:52:26,770 --> 00:52:28,189
- [SIGHS]
1279
00:52:28,190 --> 00:52:31,519
I'd really like to drink some alcohol.
1280
00:52:31,520 --> 00:52:33,230
Do you know where I could do that?
1281
00:52:34,900 --> 00:52:36,570
- Yes.
1282
00:52:38,240 --> 00:52:40,489
- ♪ What is Christmas? ♪
1283
00:52:40,490 --> 00:52:43,119
- ♪ Christmas is for caring ♪
- [SCATTERED LAUGHTER]
1284
00:52:43,120 --> 00:52:45,039
- ♪ What is Christmas? ♪
1285
00:52:45,040 --> 00:52:47,789
- ♪ Christmas is for sharing ♪
1286
00:52:47,790 --> 00:52:49,419
- ♪ What is Christmas? ♪
1287
00:52:49,420 --> 00:52:52,249
♪ Can't you guess? ♪
1288
00:52:52,250 --> 00:52:55,379
- ♪ Christmas is for ha... ♪
1289
00:52:55,380 --> 00:52:56,839
♪ Penis ♪
1290
00:52:56,840 --> 00:52:58,589
RILEY: Yes, you are.
- I wish.
1291
00:52:58,590 --> 00:53:00,429
- Just tell me.
- I wish I had a story, like--
1292
00:53:00,430 --> 00:53:02,049
- Did you steal it?
- No.
1293
00:53:02,050 --> 00:53:05,719
And I still don't have
a white elephant gift, on top of it all.
1294
00:53:05,720 --> 00:53:07,809
- You've got to get one.
- I'm trying.
1295
00:53:07,810 --> 00:53:09,389
- I will help you with this.
1296
00:53:09,390 --> 00:53:11,769
I know a lot of places that aren't malls.
1297
00:53:11,770 --> 00:53:13,059
- That would be great.
1298
00:53:13,060 --> 00:53:15,439
SINGERS: ♪ And when does Christmas come? ♪
1299
00:53:15,440 --> 00:53:19,109
♪ And when does Christmas leave? ♪
1300
00:53:19,110 --> 00:53:23,699
- [LAUGHTER]
SINGERS: ♪ It comes but never goes... ♪
1301
00:53:23,700 --> 00:53:26,909
- What did you mean last night
when you said you could relate?
1302
00:53:26,910 --> 00:53:30,119
- That was just a comment
based on an assumption
1303
00:53:30,120 --> 00:53:33,040
that I was making about you and Harper.
1304
00:53:35,960 --> 00:53:38,710
- I think it's probably
an accurate assumption.
1305
00:53:40,970 --> 00:53:43,139
You don't have to talk to me
about this stuff.
1306
00:53:43,140 --> 00:53:44,509
I know it's weird, like--
1307
00:53:44,510 --> 00:53:46,389
- So, what has she told you?
1308
00:53:46,390 --> 00:53:48,599
- That you dated in high school.
1309
00:53:48,600 --> 00:53:50,849
That you were her first girlfriend.
1310
00:53:50,850 --> 00:53:52,770
That's about it.
1311
00:53:54,150 --> 00:53:55,900
Is there more?
RILEY: Mm-hmm.
1312
00:53:56,940 --> 00:53:57,940
Yeah, a little.
1313
00:54:00,900 --> 00:54:02,910
I mean...
1314
00:54:05,620 --> 00:54:07,619
Yeah.
1315
00:54:07,620 --> 00:54:10,119
Yeah, growing up,
we were totally inseparable.
1316
00:54:10,120 --> 00:54:11,829
We were best friends.
1317
00:54:11,830 --> 00:54:15,000
And then, freshman year,
we became more than friends.
1318
00:54:16,250 --> 00:54:18,250
We started dating.
1319
00:54:20,010 --> 00:54:23,429
But nobody knew that, obviously.
1320
00:54:23,430 --> 00:54:26,469
And we would, like,
leave these little love letters
1321
00:54:26,470 --> 00:54:28,259
in-in each other's lockers.
1322
00:54:28,260 --> 00:54:31,389
And one day, one of Harper's friends
found one of the letters,
1323
00:54:31,390 --> 00:54:34,689
and she asked Harper wh-what it was about,
1324
00:54:34,690 --> 00:54:39,479
and Harper basically just said
that I am gay
1325
00:54:39,480 --> 00:54:41,319
and that I wouldn't leave her alone.
1326
00:54:41,320 --> 00:54:44,279
And then within a couple days,
like, everybody in school found out,
1327
00:54:44,280 --> 00:54:47,320
and everybody was so awful to me.
1328
00:54:48,370 --> 00:54:50,410
- I'm sorry, that's-- I'm sorry.
1329
00:54:51,450 --> 00:54:54,539
- Yeah, so the thing that
I can relate to is just
1330
00:54:54,540 --> 00:54:58,249
being in love with somebody that is...
1331
00:54:58,250 --> 00:55:01,050
too afraid to show the world who they are.
1332
00:55:07,970 --> 00:55:09,680
But that was a long time ago.
1333
00:55:10,720 --> 00:55:12,269
- Yeah.
1334
00:55:12,270 --> 00:55:14,269
[MUSIC ENDS]
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
1335
00:55:14,270 --> 00:55:16,269
- Thank you!
1336
00:55:16,270 --> 00:55:19,020
All right, that's enough.
1337
00:55:20,070 --> 00:55:23,859
And with this next song,
we're gonna need a little help from you.
1338
00:55:23,860 --> 00:55:26,449
- We're gonna ask you a...
1339
00:55:26,450 --> 00:55:28,069
- Question.
- ...question.
1340
00:55:28,070 --> 00:55:30,329
And you are going to...
1341
00:55:30,330 --> 00:55:31,909
- Give us the answer.
- ...answer.
1342
00:55:31,910 --> 00:55:34,039
- Yeah.
- [LAUGHS] It's simple.
1343
00:55:34,040 --> 00:55:35,619
EM K. ULTRA: Here we go.
1344
00:55:35,620 --> 00:55:37,119
[APPLAUSE]
1345
00:55:37,120 --> 00:55:40,129
♪ Who's got a beard
that's long and white? ♪
1346
00:55:40,130 --> 00:55:42,589
[PATRONS SINGING] We're gonna sing. Ready?
- Mm-hmm. Yeah.
1347
00:55:42,590 --> 00:55:45,219
- ♪ Who comes around
on a special night? ♪
1348
00:55:45,220 --> 00:55:48,089
- ♪ Santa comes around
on a special night ♪
1349
00:55:48,090 --> 00:55:50,599
- ♪ Special night ♪
- ♪ Special night ♪
1350
00:55:50,600 --> 00:55:53,559
- ♪ Beard that's white ♪
- ♪ Beard that's white ♪
1351
00:55:53,560 --> 00:55:54,979
MISS L'TEAU: Everybody!
- Whoa.
1352
00:55:54,980 --> 00:55:58,649
ALL: ♪ Must be Santa, must be Santa ♪
1353
00:55:58,650 --> 00:56:01,149
♪ Must be Santa ♪
1354
00:56:01,150 --> 00:56:04,109
♪ Santa Claus ♪
1355
00:56:04,110 --> 00:56:05,899
- No. No, what? Oh, my God, no.
- What?
1356
00:56:05,900 --> 00:56:07,859
- Oh, we're gonna get
a little more intimate now.
1357
00:56:07,860 --> 00:56:09,199
RILEY: Yes!
1358
00:56:09,200 --> 00:56:11,579
- ♪ Who's got boots and a suit of red? ♪
1359
00:56:11,580 --> 00:56:13,369
- [LAUGHS]
- Oh... [LAUGHS]
1360
00:56:13,370 --> 00:56:15,999
Come on, you want to hear her sing, right?
1361
00:56:16,000 --> 00:56:19,669
MISS L'TEAU: Yeah.
Yeah, we want to hear her sing. [CHEERING]
1362
00:56:19,670 --> 00:56:21,959
EM K. ULTRA: ♪ Who's got boots and a suit of red? ♪
- I'll help you.
1363
00:56:21,960 --> 00:56:24,669
ABBY & RILEY: ♪ Santa's got boots and a suit of red ♪
1364
00:56:24,670 --> 00:56:27,259
EM K. ULTRA: Yeah, perfect!
MISS L'TEAU: ♪ Who's got a long cap on his head? ♪
1365
00:56:27,260 --> 00:56:30,009
ALL: ♪ Santa's got a long cap on his head ♪
1366
00:56:30,010 --> 00:56:32,759
EM K. ULTRA: ♪ On his head ♪
OTHERS: ♪ On his head ♪
1367
00:56:32,760 --> 00:56:35,679
SINGERS: ♪ Suit of red ♪
PATRONS: ♪ Suit of red ♪
1368
00:56:35,680 --> 00:56:41,229
ALL: ♪ Must be Santa, must be Santa ♪
1369
00:56:41,230 --> 00:56:43,609
♪ Must be Santa ♪
1370
00:56:43,610 --> 00:56:47,109
♪ Santa Claus ♪
1371
00:56:47,110 --> 00:56:49,319
♪ Must be Santa ♪
1372
00:56:49,320 --> 00:56:52,069
♪ Must be Santa ♪
[CELL PHONE CHIMES]
1373
00:56:52,070 --> 00:56:53,949
♪ Must be Santa... ♪
1374
00:56:53,950 --> 00:56:56,789
- Um, I should--
I should close out.
1375
00:56:56,790 --> 00:56:58,829
It's--
Harper texted me.
1376
00:56:58,830 --> 00:57:01,169
- Oh.
- Yes.
1377
00:57:01,170 --> 00:57:03,459
PATRONS: ♪ Santa's got a beard that's long... ♪
1378
00:57:03,460 --> 00:57:06,169
♪ lively dance music ♪
1379
00:57:06,170 --> 00:57:07,549
ASHLEY: ...of the square.
1380
00:57:07,550 --> 00:57:09,169
The guy at the top of the square.
1381
00:57:09,170 --> 00:57:10,379
That's the business model.
1382
00:57:10,380 --> 00:57:12,009
It's brilliant.
1383
00:57:12,010 --> 00:57:14,049
- Hi.
1384
00:57:14,050 --> 00:57:15,559
- Oh, Abby's here.
CONNOR: Shots, shots, shots.
1385
00:57:15,560 --> 00:57:17,599
You guys ready?
- How was-- How was tonight?
1386
00:57:17,600 --> 00:57:19,139
- Shots!
- Oh, shots.
ABBY: It was great. It was good.
1387
00:57:19,140 --> 00:57:20,939
All right, I think I'm gonna grab a beer.
ASHLEY: Shots, shots, shots, shots.
1388
00:57:20,940 --> 00:57:22,479
- No, no, no, no.
CONNOR: No, Abby, Abby, hey.
1389
00:57:22,480 --> 00:57:23,609
Cannot be at this place sober.
1390
00:57:23,610 --> 00:57:24,819
It's a-- Ready? Cheers.
ASHLEY & KELLY: Cheers.
1391
00:57:24,820 --> 00:57:26,149
- Eyes, eyes.
- Eyes, eyes.
1392
00:57:26,150 --> 00:57:28,399
- Eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes,
eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes.
1393
00:57:28,400 --> 00:57:29,530
CONNOR: One, two, three. Go.
1394
00:57:30,570 --> 00:57:32,529
[MUSIC ENDS]
- Oh!
1395
00:57:32,530 --> 00:57:34,239
- Okay, I need some music.
HARPER: Did you have dinner?
1396
00:57:34,240 --> 00:57:35,659
ASHLEY: Come, come, come, come, come.
ABBY: Yeah.
1397
00:57:35,660 --> 00:57:37,490
- Wait. Okay, I'll come right back.
1398
00:57:39,960 --> 00:57:41,289
♪ lively dance music ♪
1399
00:57:41,290 --> 00:57:43,379
Are you having the most terrible time?
1400
00:57:43,380 --> 00:57:44,459
- No.
1401
00:57:44,460 --> 00:57:46,299
No, I'm-I'm just tired.
1402
00:57:46,300 --> 00:57:47,549
- Okay.
- I'm really tired.
1403
00:57:47,550 --> 00:57:49,459
I think I'm gonna go.
1404
00:57:49,460 --> 00:57:51,009
- Oh, no.
1405
00:57:51,010 --> 00:57:52,509
Uh...
1406
00:57:52,510 --> 00:57:54,759
[SIGHS] I kind of want to stay
a little bit longer.
1407
00:57:54,760 --> 00:57:56,680
Is that okay?
1408
00:57:59,140 --> 00:58:00,980
- [LAUGHTER]
1409
00:58:02,230 --> 00:58:04,099
- Yeah, you should-- Yes, of course.
1410
00:58:04,100 --> 00:58:05,359
Yeah. Yeah, I'm just--
- Yeah?
1411
00:58:05,360 --> 00:58:06,689
Are you sure?
- Mm.
1412
00:58:06,690 --> 00:58:08,399
- Okay.
1413
00:58:08,400 --> 00:58:09,989
And you'll get home okay?
1414
00:58:09,990 --> 00:58:11,569
I won't be out late.
1415
00:58:11,570 --> 00:58:12,949
Okay.
1416
00:58:12,950 --> 00:58:15,699
Text me when you get home.
1417
00:58:15,700 --> 00:58:17,079
CONNOR: Hey.
1418
00:58:17,080 --> 00:58:18,239
How about you?
1419
00:58:18,240 --> 00:58:19,749
You won't. You won't.
1420
00:58:19,750 --> 00:58:22,290
She will. You won't. You won't.
KELLY: You won't.
1421
00:58:47,980 --> 00:58:50,609
[OVER SPEAKERS]
♪ Hey ♪
1422
00:58:50,610 --> 00:58:52,859
♪ What are we doing? ♪
1423
00:58:52,860 --> 00:58:55,109
- [QUIET CHATTER]
1424
00:58:55,110 --> 00:58:56,869
♪ Don't you remem... ♪
1425
00:58:56,870 --> 00:58:58,329
CONNOR: Well, that was fun.
1426
00:58:58,330 --> 00:59:00,079
HARPER: Whew. Yeah.
1427
00:59:00,080 --> 00:59:02,159
[CONNOR GROANS]
[HARPER SIGHS]
1428
00:59:02,160 --> 00:59:04,579
- I'm glad you came out.
- Yeah.
1429
00:59:04,580 --> 00:59:06,829
- It's been a minute, you know,
since we've gotten to do this.
1430
00:59:06,830 --> 00:59:09,540
Like, since we--
1431
00:59:10,590 --> 00:59:11,879
Well, you know.
1432
00:59:11,880 --> 00:59:13,969
I've missed you.
1433
00:59:13,970 --> 00:59:15,719
- No, it's nice to catch up.
1434
00:59:15,720 --> 00:59:17,179
- Yeah.
1435
00:59:17,180 --> 00:59:19,809
[TAKES DEEP BREATH]
1436
00:59:19,810 --> 00:59:22,099
- Well, I'm that way.
1437
00:59:22,100 --> 00:59:23,639
- Oh, darn.
- Where are you?
1438
00:59:23,640 --> 00:59:25,139
- I'm that way.
[LAUGHS]
1439
00:59:25,140 --> 00:59:26,649
- Good night.
- Good night.
1440
00:59:26,650 --> 00:59:28,229
It was great seeing you.
- [GRUNTS]
1441
00:59:28,230 --> 00:59:30,399
- [CLEARS THROAT]
- [HARPER CHUCKLES]
1442
00:59:30,400 --> 00:59:32,229
- [SIGHS]
1443
00:59:32,230 --> 00:59:34,240
Hey, Harper, was there someone else?
1444
00:59:36,610 --> 00:59:38,030
- What do you mean?
1445
00:59:39,070 --> 00:59:41,120
- Is that why we broke up?
1446
00:59:42,160 --> 00:59:44,249
- No.
1447
00:59:44,250 --> 00:59:46,959
No, I mean, I-I told you
that the long distance
1448
00:59:46,960 --> 00:59:48,789
just got too hard and--
1449
00:59:48,790 --> 00:59:50,289
The distance.
Yeah, I know, I know.
1450
00:59:50,290 --> 00:59:51,590
I know.
1451
00:59:52,630 --> 00:59:54,259
[SIGHS]
1452
00:59:54,260 --> 00:59:56,089
I don't know. Just...
1453
00:59:56,090 --> 00:59:58,970
kind of always felt like
there was something...
1454
01:00:00,760 --> 01:00:04,020
Kind of felt like there was
something you weren't telling me.
1455
01:00:11,150 --> 01:00:13,150
- There wasn't someone else.
1456
01:00:33,840 --> 01:00:35,260
[WHISPERS]
ABBY: Hey.
1457
01:00:37,300 --> 01:00:39,299
- What's wrong?
1458
01:00:39,300 --> 01:00:40,639
- Just making sure you're okay.
1459
01:00:40,640 --> 01:00:42,259
- Why wouldn't I be?
1460
01:00:42,260 --> 01:00:44,849
- I don't know, you weren't
answering me, so I was--
1461
01:00:44,850 --> 01:00:47,889
- I-I know, but you-you knew
I was out with my friends.
1462
01:00:47,890 --> 01:00:49,269
- Yeah, but, I mean, I didn't know that
1463
01:00:49,270 --> 01:00:50,979
you were gonna be out
till 2:00 in the morning,
1464
01:00:50,980 --> 01:00:52,189
so I'm just checking on you.
1465
01:00:52,190 --> 01:00:54,479
- Okay.
1466
01:00:54,480 --> 01:00:56,779
[CHUCKLES] I'm sorry.
I didn't know I had a curfew.
1467
01:00:56,780 --> 01:00:58,569
- What is going on with you?
1468
01:00:58,570 --> 01:01:00,569
- Nothing. I--
1469
01:01:00,570 --> 01:01:02,279
Nothing.
1470
01:01:02,280 --> 01:01:06,119
I just don't know why
you're keeping tabs on me.
1471
01:01:06,120 --> 01:01:08,079
- Keeping tabs on you?
- Yeah.
1472
01:01:08,080 --> 01:01:09,709
It just--
1473
01:01:09,710 --> 01:01:11,289
[SIGHS]
1474
01:01:11,290 --> 01:01:12,879
- What?
1475
01:01:12,880 --> 01:01:16,459
- It just feels a little... suffocating.
1476
01:01:16,460 --> 01:01:17,839
- I'm suffocating you?
1477
01:01:17,840 --> 01:01:19,839
- Or not, but just--
1478
01:01:19,840 --> 01:01:21,799
- Well, I feel really suffocated
in the closet
1479
01:01:21,800 --> 01:01:23,219
that you shoved me back into.
- Shh!
1480
01:01:23,220 --> 01:01:24,679
[HUSHED]
You agreed to this.
1481
01:01:24,680 --> 01:01:25,929
- Yeah, we were practically already here.
1482
01:01:25,930 --> 01:01:27,179
- Can you sh--
1483
01:01:27,180 --> 01:01:28,599
Please be quiet.
1484
01:01:28,600 --> 01:01:30,600
- I was gonna-- I--
1485
01:01:32,400 --> 01:01:34,649
If I knew that part
of what I was agreeing to
1486
01:01:34,650 --> 01:01:36,689
was you hanging out
with your ex-boyfriend all night,
1487
01:01:36,690 --> 01:01:39,690
maybe I wouldn't have.
- [SIGHS] God, Abby.
1488
01:01:42,240 --> 01:01:45,329
I just-- I feel like
we just need some space.
1489
01:01:45,330 --> 01:01:46,620
- You need some space?
1490
01:01:48,450 --> 01:01:50,250
Okay.
1491
01:01:51,420 --> 01:01:52,829
- Abby.
1492
01:01:52,830 --> 01:01:54,289
[FOOTSTEPS STOMPING]
- Oh.
1493
01:01:54,290 --> 01:01:57,459
She is very heavy-footed.
1494
01:01:57,460 --> 01:02:02,469
Honey, I have a list of party errands
that Jane has volunteered to run,
1495
01:02:02,470 --> 01:02:04,679
but I don't trust her
to do them on her own,
1496
01:02:04,680 --> 01:02:07,139
so I need you to supervise.
1497
01:02:07,140 --> 01:02:09,060
- Okay.
1498
01:02:13,400 --> 01:02:15,560
- It's a long list.
1499
01:02:18,690 --> 01:02:20,489
[SIGHS]
HARPER: Okay.
1500
01:02:20,490 --> 01:02:21,820
[GROANS]
1501
01:02:32,000 --> 01:02:33,750
ABBY: No, no.
1502
01:02:34,790 --> 01:02:36,080
[PHONE VIBRATING]
1503
01:02:38,210 --> 01:02:41,089
Hey.
JOHN: Okay, so...
1504
01:02:41,090 --> 01:02:44,469
I might have been a little judgmental
when we last spoke.
1505
01:02:44,470 --> 01:02:48,139
You are in an unusual situation,
and as your friend,
1506
01:02:48,140 --> 01:02:50,469
I should have created
a safe space for you to share
1507
01:02:50,470 --> 01:02:52,889
without the threat of criticism, so...
1508
01:02:52,890 --> 01:02:54,559
I'm sorry.
1509
01:02:54,560 --> 01:02:56,229
I am here.
1510
01:02:56,230 --> 01:02:57,859
No judgment.
1511
01:02:57,860 --> 01:02:59,399
What is going on?
1512
01:02:59,400 --> 01:03:00,979
ABBY: Well, let's see.
1513
01:03:00,980 --> 01:03:03,109
I was arrested by mall security yesterday,
1514
01:03:03,110 --> 01:03:05,279
and now Harper's entire family
thinks I'm a criminal.
1515
01:03:05,280 --> 01:03:07,739
And after spending her entire night, like,
1516
01:03:07,740 --> 01:03:11,659
until 2:00 in the morning,
with her ex-boyfriend Connor,
1517
01:03:11,660 --> 01:03:13,999
she's acting like someone
I barely even recognize.
1518
01:03:14,000 --> 01:03:16,579
And I want to just get out of here,
but it would cost me
1519
01:03:16,580 --> 01:03:18,749
like a thousand dollars
to get a ride, and--
1520
01:03:18,750 --> 01:03:21,339
This is why I avoid Christmas.
1521
01:03:21,340 --> 01:03:23,009
It brings out the worst in everything.
1522
01:03:23,010 --> 01:03:26,049
I-I know this isn't about me.
I just feel crazy, like--
1523
01:03:26,050 --> 01:03:28,719
Do I-- It's--
Do I stick it out for two days?
1524
01:03:28,720 --> 01:03:30,719
It's-it's not that long.
1525
01:03:30,720 --> 01:03:32,810
But I don't know. I--
1526
01:03:34,020 --> 01:03:35,889
What would you do?
1527
01:03:35,890 --> 01:03:37,059
JOHN: Uh...
1528
01:03:37,060 --> 01:03:38,519
Uh... uh...
1529
01:03:38,520 --> 01:03:39,649
I...
1530
01:03:39,650 --> 01:03:41,779
[QUIETLY]
Thank you.
1531
01:03:41,780 --> 01:03:44,739
I'm gonna-- I'm gonna need
to give this a think.
1532
01:03:44,740 --> 01:03:46,490
I think.
1533
01:03:47,740 --> 01:03:49,570
- Hello?
1534
01:03:59,330 --> 01:04:01,919
[INHALES DEEPLY]
1535
01:04:01,920 --> 01:04:03,960
[EXHALES]
1536
01:04:07,050 --> 01:04:09,050
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
1537
01:04:11,180 --> 01:04:13,100
[SIGHS]
1538
01:04:14,520 --> 01:04:16,139
Hey, um...
1539
01:04:16,140 --> 01:04:17,889
Hey, it's Abby.
1540
01:04:17,890 --> 01:04:20,019
Are you-- Are you doing
anything right now?
1541
01:04:20,020 --> 01:04:22,269
Who's really gonna want
a mini doughnut factory?
1542
01:04:22,270 --> 01:04:23,819
RILEY: Uh, this family.
1543
01:04:23,820 --> 01:04:25,859
I saw two of their cousins
get in a fistfight
1544
01:04:25,860 --> 01:04:27,699
over a quesadilla maker
at this party once.
1545
01:04:27,700 --> 01:04:29,780
[CELL PHONE CHIMES]
- Oh, yikes.
1546
01:04:36,910 --> 01:04:38,369
- Everything all right?
1547
01:04:38,370 --> 01:04:39,670
- Yeah.
1548
01:04:42,670 --> 01:04:45,839
JANE: Thank you so much. It looks so good.
1549
01:04:45,840 --> 01:04:47,919
I mean, it-it looks good.
1550
01:04:47,920 --> 01:04:50,680
["THE FIRST NOEL" PLAYS SOFTLY OVER SPEAKERS]
1551
01:04:52,890 --> 01:04:54,349
JANE: This is all for me.
1552
01:04:54,350 --> 01:04:55,849
[CHUCKLES]
It's not. It's not.
1553
01:04:55,850 --> 01:04:57,019
I'm just kidding.
1554
01:04:57,020 --> 01:04:58,729
It's for my--
1555
01:04:58,730 --> 01:05:00,810
And yes, we'll have--
1556
01:05:06,070 --> 01:05:08,189
Ready to go?
1557
01:05:08,190 --> 01:05:10,819
- [GASPS]
[BOTTLES CLATTER]
1558
01:05:10,820 --> 01:05:12,449
[HARPER SIGHS]
1559
01:05:12,450 --> 01:05:14,450
- It's probably okay.
1560
01:05:16,370 --> 01:05:18,249
[GRUNTS]
1561
01:05:18,250 --> 01:05:20,330
- [HARPER GASPS]
1562
01:05:22,080 --> 01:05:23,289
[HARPER SIGHS]
1563
01:05:23,290 --> 01:05:25,300
♪ playful music ♪
1564
01:05:29,420 --> 01:05:31,889
- Oh, do not put that there.
1565
01:05:31,890 --> 01:05:34,639
What do you think this is, a barn party?
1566
01:05:34,640 --> 01:05:37,559
Hey, everyone, please come down!
1567
01:05:37,560 --> 01:05:41,229
We are getting this photo
as soon as Jane gets here.
1568
01:05:41,230 --> 01:05:42,939
- Honey, are you sure
this is the best time?
1569
01:05:42,940 --> 01:05:44,399
People will start arriving any minute.
1570
01:05:44,400 --> 01:05:45,979
- It's the only time.
1571
01:05:45,980 --> 01:05:47,320
[DOOR OPENS]
1572
01:05:48,940 --> 01:05:50,489
Hi, Abby.
- Hi.
1573
01:05:50,490 --> 01:05:52,989
Oh, where should I put
this white elephant gift?
1574
01:05:52,990 --> 01:05:54,819
- I don't know. In the oven?
1575
01:05:54,820 --> 01:05:56,449
Jesus, Abby, where do you think it goes?
1576
01:05:56,450 --> 01:05:57,989
Under the damn tree.
1577
01:05:57,990 --> 01:05:59,619
[SIGHS]
I'm sorry.
1578
01:05:59,620 --> 01:06:01,289
I'm sorry.
1579
01:06:01,290 --> 01:06:03,629
You probably never even
had a Christmas tree.
1580
01:06:03,630 --> 01:06:06,089
[SIGHS]
We do this party every year,
1581
01:06:06,090 --> 01:06:09,259
and every year,
no matter how early I start planning,
1582
01:06:09,260 --> 01:06:11,969
I just feel totally unprepared.
1583
01:06:11,970 --> 01:06:15,759
[SIGHS]
And I can't find my Christmas brooch.
1584
01:06:15,760 --> 01:06:17,309
Have you seen it?
1585
01:06:17,310 --> 01:06:18,889
You can tell me.
1586
01:06:18,890 --> 01:06:20,309
I won't be mad.
1587
01:06:20,310 --> 01:06:22,190
I just want to know it's safe.
1588
01:06:23,650 --> 01:06:25,110
- I haven't seen it.
1589
01:06:26,610 --> 01:06:28,019
- Okay.
1590
01:06:28,020 --> 01:06:32,489
Well, if it should magically
appear on my dresser,
1591
01:06:32,490 --> 01:06:34,489
there will be no questions asked.
1592
01:06:34,490 --> 01:06:35,740
- Okay.
TIPPER: Okay.
1593
01:06:43,790 --> 01:06:46,289
- [SIGHS]
Um...
1594
01:06:46,290 --> 01:06:47,500
Hey, Ted.
1595
01:06:48,590 --> 01:06:51,719
I just wanted to mention--
1596
01:06:51,720 --> 01:06:54,969
everything that happened yesterday
was a complete misunderstanding.
1597
01:06:54,970 --> 01:06:56,469
You know, I would never, ever--
1598
01:06:56,470 --> 01:06:58,719
You-you don't--
You don't have to explain.
1599
01:06:58,720 --> 01:07:01,139
Let's just avoid
any further incidents, yes?
1600
01:07:01,140 --> 01:07:02,889
- Yeah. Yes.
TED: Okay.
1601
01:07:02,890 --> 01:07:05,439
- Ho, ho, ho. Merry Christmas Eve.
TED: Oh.
1602
01:07:05,440 --> 01:07:07,439
- [CHUCKLES] Hey, Abby.
ABBY: Hey.
1603
01:07:07,440 --> 01:07:09,439
- Look at what this little elf brought in.
1604
01:07:09,440 --> 01:07:11,279
[SQUEALS]
ABBY: Wow. What is that?
1605
01:07:11,280 --> 01:07:13,029
- This is my masterpiece.
1606
01:07:13,030 --> 01:07:15,529
Whoever picks it is gonna be very pleased.
1607
01:07:15,530 --> 01:07:16,949
- Oh, Jane, I'm so glad you're here.
1608
01:07:16,950 --> 01:07:18,279
The printer's jammed again.
1609
01:07:18,280 --> 01:07:20,290
- Oh, okay. I'm on it.
1610
01:07:32,300 --> 01:07:34,919
- Hey.
- Hey.
1611
01:07:34,920 --> 01:07:36,719
What'd you do today?
1612
01:07:36,720 --> 01:07:40,049
- I just went and got
a white elephant gift.
1613
01:07:40,050 --> 01:07:41,389
- Oh.
1614
01:07:41,390 --> 01:07:42,849
In town?
1615
01:07:42,850 --> 01:07:44,179
- Yeah.
1616
01:07:44,180 --> 01:07:45,599
- How'd you get there?
1617
01:07:45,600 --> 01:07:46,689
- Has Jane arrived yet?
1618
01:07:46,690 --> 01:07:49,519
- Yeah, Jane's in Ted's office with him.
1619
01:07:49,520 --> 01:07:51,399
TIPPER: Jane, Ted, now!
1620
01:07:51,400 --> 01:07:54,029
Nice of you two to join us.
Where are the twins?
1621
01:07:54,030 --> 01:07:56,739
- They don't feel like having
their picture taken tonight.
1622
01:07:56,740 --> 01:07:59,279
- [TIPPER SIGHS]
1623
01:07:59,280 --> 01:08:01,790
TIPPER: Harper, come with me.
1624
01:08:02,830 --> 01:08:05,290
♪ upbeat holiday music ♪
1625
01:08:07,920 --> 01:08:09,419
SLOANE: It's really a break from
1626
01:08:09,420 --> 01:08:12,549
traditional gifting
and a move into the extraordinary.
1627
01:08:12,550 --> 01:08:15,219
The vessels are curated
for each individual.
1628
01:08:15,220 --> 01:08:17,839
We'd be happy to mindfully assemble--
TED: Uh, S-Sloane was
1629
01:08:17,840 --> 01:08:21,549
on track to make partner at her firm
before she left to start a family.
1630
01:08:21,550 --> 01:08:22,719
She's our super mom,
1631
01:08:22,720 --> 01:08:27,139
Harper is our powerhouse,
and, uh, Jane...
1632
01:08:27,140 --> 01:08:29,849
i-is the only reason
the Internet ever works in this house.
1633
01:08:29,850 --> 01:08:31,309
- [LAUGHING]
JANE: Aw.
1634
01:08:31,310 --> 01:08:33,150
I have a way with routers.
1635
01:08:35,030 --> 01:08:36,779
ERIC: Excuse me, all.
1636
01:08:36,780 --> 01:08:38,949
Uh, the twins have prepared
a little song for you.
1637
01:08:38,950 --> 01:08:40,239
HARPER: Oh.
1638
01:08:40,240 --> 01:08:42,700
[PIANO PLAYING "SILENT NIGHT"]
1639
01:08:45,370 --> 01:08:48,619
- ♪ Silent night ♪
1640
01:08:48,620 --> 01:08:51,459
♪ Holy night ♪
1641
01:08:51,460 --> 01:08:53,499
♪ All is calm... ♪
1642
01:08:53,500 --> 01:08:55,589
- What are you drinking?
1643
01:08:55,590 --> 01:08:57,799
- Oh, it's a spiced... alcohol.
1644
01:08:57,800 --> 01:09:00,219
- Gross. Can I have some?
- Yeah.
1645
01:09:00,220 --> 01:09:03,349
KIDS: ♪ Mother and child... ♪
1646
01:09:03,350 --> 01:09:05,849
- Mm-hmm.
- So, Plort is the leader of the Shadow Dreamers.
1647
01:09:05,850 --> 01:09:07,889
He's half human, half Quazzle.
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
1648
01:09:07,890 --> 01:09:10,309
- He's got the eyes of a Verg
but the heart of a Zengle.
1649
01:09:10,310 --> 01:09:12,229
The Verg comes from his mother's side,
generations back.
1650
01:09:12,230 --> 01:09:14,019
SLOANE: If you want the spa package vessel,
1651
01:09:14,020 --> 01:09:15,859
you could do edible bubble bath.
- Excuse me, Sloane.
1652
01:09:15,860 --> 01:09:17,989
Uh, Harry wants to meet the twins.
1653
01:09:17,990 --> 01:09:19,359
- I'll find them.
TED: Okay.
1654
01:09:19,360 --> 01:09:20,699
- Excuse me.
1655
01:09:20,700 --> 01:09:23,579
- You know?
Thing is, my parents were so attached
1656
01:09:23,580 --> 01:09:28,039
to me believing in Santa Claus
that even after years go by
1657
01:09:28,040 --> 01:09:30,079
and I stop believing in Santa Claus,
1658
01:09:30,080 --> 01:09:32,249
and they knew that I stopped
believing in Santa Claus,
1659
01:09:32,250 --> 01:09:34,249
we just kept that charade going.
1660
01:09:34,250 --> 01:09:37,459
Their investment in it just made me feel
so bad for them, you know?
1661
01:09:37,460 --> 01:09:39,010
- Mm-hmm.
1662
01:09:40,050 --> 01:09:42,389
Yeah.
1663
01:09:42,390 --> 01:09:44,429
- Like, so bad for them that...
1664
01:09:44,430 --> 01:09:47,719
you know, that I eventually
just murdered them.
1665
01:09:47,720 --> 01:09:48,889
- That sounds fun.
- Mm.
1666
01:09:48,890 --> 01:09:50,350
Okay.
1667
01:09:51,390 --> 01:09:53,019
What is happening?
1668
01:09:53,020 --> 01:09:54,479
CONNOR: Hey, you guys.
1669
01:09:54,480 --> 01:09:56,149
HARPER: Connor, you made it.
1670
01:09:56,150 --> 01:09:57,859
JANE: Hi. Merry Christmas. Hi.
CONNOR: Hey, guys. Merry Christmas.
1671
01:09:57,860 --> 01:09:59,689
Good to see you. Hi.
- [ABBY SIGHS]
1672
01:09:59,690 --> 01:10:02,110
CONNOR: Merry Christmas.
- I don't know.
1673
01:10:04,160 --> 01:10:05,949
Yesterday, I'd never felt closer
1674
01:10:05,950 --> 01:10:08,329
to another person
in my entire life, and now I...
1675
01:10:08,330 --> 01:10:11,039
I don't know her.
1676
01:10:11,040 --> 01:10:14,459
And I thought she loved me
and was happy, but I...
1677
01:10:14,460 --> 01:10:18,499
I-I see her here, and she's so terrified
of what everyone thinks,
1678
01:10:18,500 --> 01:10:20,839
and it's just making me wonder
who the real Harper is.
1679
01:10:20,840 --> 01:10:22,879
You know?
1680
01:10:22,880 --> 01:10:24,930
- Well, maybe they both are.
1681
01:10:28,220 --> 01:10:30,220
- I was gonna ask her
to marry me tomorrow.
1682
01:10:37,110 --> 01:10:40,109
- Um, I'm gonna get you a real drink.
1683
01:10:40,110 --> 01:10:41,950
Okay?
1684
01:10:45,370 --> 01:10:46,619
[WHISPERS]
JOHN: Abby.
1685
01:10:46,620 --> 01:10:48,409
Abby!
[CLEARS THROAT]
1686
01:10:48,410 --> 01:10:50,450
Sorry. What?
1687
01:10:51,450 --> 01:10:52,620
ABBY: Um...
1688
01:10:53,830 --> 01:10:55,079
How are you here?
1689
01:10:55,080 --> 01:10:56,499
- When are you gonna get this?
1690
01:10:56,500 --> 01:10:58,249
I have been tracking you.
1691
01:10:58,250 --> 01:10:59,629
Mm, mm, mm, mm.
[CLEARS THROAT]
1692
01:10:59,630 --> 01:11:00,839
- Hello.
1693
01:11:00,840 --> 01:11:01,840
- Hi.
1694
01:11:01,841 --> 01:11:02,879
TIPPER: I'm Tipper.
1695
01:11:02,880 --> 01:11:04,469
This is my home.
JOHN: Oh.
1696
01:11:04,470 --> 01:11:06,220
- Are you the ex-boyfriend?
1697
01:11:10,890 --> 01:11:13,729
- [CLEARS THROAT]
Y-Yes. I am John,
1698
01:11:13,730 --> 01:11:16,349
Abby's heterosexual ex-boyfriend,
1699
01:11:16,350 --> 01:11:19,439
and I have come to get her back.
1700
01:11:19,440 --> 01:11:20,979
TIPPER: Mm. I see.
1701
01:11:20,980 --> 01:11:24,819
Well, it would've been nice
to have known you were coming,
1702
01:11:24,820 --> 01:11:28,319
but since you are here, enjoy.
1703
01:11:28,320 --> 01:11:30,330
JOHN: Thank you so much.
1704
01:11:31,790 --> 01:11:34,119
Okay, I nailed that, and she is fabulous.
1705
01:11:34,120 --> 01:11:35,369
- What are you doing?
1706
01:11:35,370 --> 01:11:38,169
- That phone call earlier
was a cry for help.
1707
01:11:38,170 --> 01:11:40,629
I'm here to rescue you.
Please get your things.
1708
01:11:40,630 --> 01:11:42,630
- [SIGHS]
1709
01:11:45,300 --> 01:11:46,469
- Is that the ex-boyfriend?
1710
01:11:46,470 --> 01:11:47,929
- [INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]
1711
01:11:47,930 --> 01:11:49,390
- [GASPS]
Oh, my God.
1712
01:11:50,560 --> 01:11:52,559
- I mean, I guess he's handsome. I--
1713
01:11:52,560 --> 01:11:54,560
Can we please go?
1714
01:11:59,650 --> 01:12:01,189
- Harper.
1715
01:12:01,190 --> 01:12:02,649
It's over.
1716
01:12:02,650 --> 01:12:04,190
I'm done.
1717
01:12:10,280 --> 01:12:12,290
- I'm just gonna...
1718
01:12:13,370 --> 01:12:16,039
- Everybody, please take your seats.
1719
01:12:16,040 --> 01:12:18,880
We're ready to begin white elephant.
1720
01:12:20,630 --> 01:12:22,089
HARPER: Abby. Hey.
1721
01:12:22,090 --> 01:12:23,419
Can we just talk for a second?
1722
01:12:23,420 --> 01:12:25,209
- No. I got to go. I-I can't--
1723
01:12:25,210 --> 01:12:26,799
I can't do this for you anymore.
1724
01:12:26,800 --> 01:12:28,549
But, uh, merry Christmas.
1725
01:12:28,550 --> 01:12:32,009
Enjoy your family, and enjoy Connor.
1726
01:12:32,010 --> 01:12:35,139
- What? What?
No, I don't-- I don't want him.
1727
01:12:35,140 --> 01:12:36,729
I don't want Connor.
1728
01:12:36,730 --> 01:12:37,889
I want you.
1729
01:12:37,890 --> 01:12:39,059
- Then what was that?
1730
01:12:39,060 --> 01:12:40,769
- I don't know.
1731
01:12:40,770 --> 01:12:43,609
Why are you huddled
in a corner with Riley?
1732
01:12:43,610 --> 01:12:45,939
- None of this has anything
to do with Riley.
1733
01:12:45,940 --> 01:12:48,359
This is all happening
because of you, Harper.
1734
01:12:48,360 --> 01:12:51,949
You not telling your parents about us
is a choice that you made.
1735
01:12:51,950 --> 01:12:53,909
- It is not that simple.
ABBY: Do you know how painful
1736
01:12:53,910 --> 01:12:58,369
it's been to watch the person
that I love choose to hide me?
1737
01:12:58,370 --> 01:13:00,880
I am not hiding you.
I am hiding me.
1738
01:13:01,920 --> 01:13:03,749
Okay?
1739
01:13:03,750 --> 01:13:06,839
Our entire life,
we have been expected to be
1740
01:13:06,840 --> 01:13:10,800
these perfect, golden children.
1741
01:13:11,970 --> 01:13:15,519
I mean, love in our house wasn't
something we just got for free.
1742
01:13:15,520 --> 01:13:17,099
It is something that we competed for,
1743
01:13:17,100 --> 01:13:19,520
and if we veered
off their course, we lost it.
1744
01:13:21,020 --> 01:13:23,269
I-I know it's messed up, okay?
1745
01:13:23,270 --> 01:13:24,939
I get it.
1746
01:13:24,940 --> 01:13:26,609
But they're my parents,
1747
01:13:26,610 --> 01:13:29,109
and I am scared that if
I tell them who I really am,
1748
01:13:29,110 --> 01:13:31,279
I will lose them.
1749
01:13:31,280 --> 01:13:34,910
And I know, if I don't tell them,
I will lose you.
1750
01:13:36,950 --> 01:13:38,960
I don't want to lose you.
1751
01:13:41,210 --> 01:13:42,539
- Hey, come here. Come here.
1752
01:13:42,540 --> 01:13:44,289
- No, I don't want to lose you.
- No, no.
1753
01:13:44,290 --> 01:13:46,249
Look at me. Come here.
Look at me. It's okay.
1754
01:13:46,250 --> 01:13:48,340
- I don't--
- Hey, stop.
1755
01:13:50,010 --> 01:13:52,390
HARPER: I don't want to lose you.
ABBY: You're not.
1756
01:13:57,390 --> 01:13:59,770
SLOANE: Matilda and Magnus...
1757
01:14:03,310 --> 01:14:05,229
TIPPER: If you want a present...
[LAUGHS]
1758
01:14:05,230 --> 01:14:07,229
you better have a number.
1759
01:14:07,230 --> 01:14:08,609
- [CLEARS THROAT]
'Sup?
1760
01:14:08,610 --> 01:14:09,989
- 'Sup?
1761
01:14:09,990 --> 01:14:11,529
TIPPER: Anybody else?
1762
01:14:11,530 --> 01:14:12,819
- [CHUCKLES]
1763
01:14:12,820 --> 01:14:14,820
- You pump?
1764
01:14:15,950 --> 01:14:18,489
- I'm sorry?
- Weights.
1765
01:14:18,490 --> 01:14:20,370
- Oh.
- Yeah.
1766
01:14:21,500 --> 01:14:23,459
- Yeah.
1767
01:14:23,460 --> 01:14:25,880
You?
- Yeah. Yeah.
1768
01:14:27,000 --> 01:14:29,010
- What do you bench?
- [SIGHS]
1769
01:14:30,090 --> 01:14:32,089
Thousand. Thou-Thousand, plus.
1770
01:14:32,090 --> 01:14:34,139
TIPPER: All right.
Everybody have your numbers?
1771
01:14:34,140 --> 01:14:35,759
SLOANE: Kids?
- Sloane, Sloane, Sloane!
1772
01:14:35,760 --> 01:14:37,349
- Hmm? Yeah?
- Can we just talk for a sec?
1773
01:14:37,350 --> 01:14:39,349
- Oh, what's there to talk about?
You and Abby are in
1774
01:14:39,350 --> 01:14:41,179
a romantic relationship,
and you've been lying
1775
01:14:41,180 --> 01:14:42,939
to the family about it
for God knows how long.
1776
01:14:42,940 --> 01:14:44,519
Does that sound about right, or--
1777
01:14:44,520 --> 01:14:48,229
- Just, uh, please don't tell
Mom and Dad yet.
1778
01:14:48,230 --> 01:14:50,529
- [CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
- Please, Sloane.
1779
01:14:50,530 --> 01:14:52,860
I'm telling them after the holidays.
1780
01:14:59,490 --> 01:15:01,449
- [CHUCKLES]
1781
01:15:01,450 --> 01:15:02,789
Just rip it.
1782
01:15:02,790 --> 01:15:04,669
HARPER: Please promise me you won't say anything.
1783
01:15:04,670 --> 01:15:07,079
Now is just very bad timing,
1784
01:15:07,080 --> 01:15:09,169
and I'm telling them everything
after the holidays anyways.
1785
01:15:09,170 --> 01:15:10,709
- Honestly, I feel sorry for you.
1786
01:15:10,710 --> 01:15:12,339
Mom and Dad are gonna be so heartbroken
1787
01:15:12,340 --> 01:15:14,339
when they find out you've been
lying to them. [CLATTERING]
1788
01:15:14,340 --> 01:15:16,549
- Sloane, if you--
- [GASPS] Wait. Kids?
1789
01:15:16,550 --> 01:15:18,889
Found you!
- [GASPING]
1790
01:15:18,890 --> 01:15:20,099
HARPER: Oh.
1791
01:15:20,100 --> 01:15:21,309
- Are you kidding me?
1792
01:15:21,310 --> 01:15:23,639
No one's supposed to know yet.
1793
01:15:23,640 --> 01:15:25,389
We had an agreement.
1794
01:15:25,390 --> 01:15:26,899
- I'm sorry.
1795
01:15:26,900 --> 01:15:29,570
- I guess I'm not
the only one with a secret.
1796
01:15:31,480 --> 01:15:33,109
- [SLOANE SCREAMS]
1797
01:15:33,110 --> 01:15:34,529
- Wow.
- Yeah.
1798
01:15:34,530 --> 01:15:36,409
- Yeah, that is-- That's-that's good mass.
1799
01:15:36,410 --> 01:15:38,029
That is solid.
- Yeah. Thanks, man.
1800
01:15:38,030 --> 01:15:40,279
JANE: Oh, my God.
They all look so nice.
1801
01:15:40,280 --> 01:15:42,119
- Just choose, Jane.
- [CHUCKLES]
1802
01:15:42,120 --> 01:15:43,909
- Eeny, meeny, mi--
1803
01:15:43,910 --> 01:15:45,459
[LAUGHS]
I'm just kidding.
1804
01:15:45,460 --> 01:15:46,460
- [GRUNTING]
1805
01:15:46,461 --> 01:15:48,879
- You have no idea what goes on
in other people's families,
1806
01:15:48,880 --> 01:15:50,959
so you need to just keep your mouth shut!
1807
01:15:50,960 --> 01:15:53,419
HARPER: You keep your mouth shut, psycho!
1808
01:15:53,420 --> 01:15:55,340
- I should run. Yeah.
- Yeah.
1809
01:15:57,390 --> 01:15:59,139
- Levi. [CLEARS THROAT]
We should--
1810
01:15:59,140 --> 01:16:01,220
JANE: Huh. I wonder what this one is.
1811
01:16:02,640 --> 01:16:05,269
- Abby, get the Santa.
- [STRAINED GRUNT]
1812
01:16:05,270 --> 01:16:07,099
- I mean--
- You stay out of this, Sappho.
1813
01:16:07,100 --> 01:16:08,149
- I would--
1814
01:16:08,150 --> 01:16:09,859
- [GRUNTING]
1815
01:16:09,860 --> 01:16:12,149
- I don't know what this is.
1816
01:16:12,150 --> 01:16:14,439
It's big.
- [LAUGHTER]
1817
01:16:14,440 --> 01:16:15,990
- [GRUNTING, SCREAMING]
- Oh!
1818
01:16:18,490 --> 01:16:20,239
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- [GASPING]
1819
01:16:20,240 --> 01:16:21,779
- Oh, gosh.
1820
01:16:21,780 --> 01:16:23,790
Here, help me out here.
1821
01:16:25,290 --> 01:16:27,499
What-what-what-- Wh-What is this?
1822
01:16:27,500 --> 01:16:29,829
- It's a painting of Main Street.
1823
01:16:29,830 --> 01:16:30,750
I made it.
1824
01:16:30,751 --> 01:16:32,339
- I love that.
1825
01:16:32,340 --> 01:16:34,090
[CLEARING THROAT]
1826
01:16:35,920 --> 01:16:37,719
SLOANE: No! No, no, no!
1827
01:16:37,720 --> 01:16:40,139
[SCREAMS]
I'll kill you!
1828
01:16:40,140 --> 01:16:41,179
- [GUESTS MURMURING]
SLOANE: I'll kill you!
1829
01:16:41,180 --> 01:16:42,679
TED: What are you doing?
TIPPER: Girls!
1830
01:16:42,680 --> 01:16:44,929
What is going on?
1831
01:16:44,930 --> 01:16:46,389
- Yeah, what is going on?
1832
01:16:46,390 --> 01:16:48,439
Harper, do you want
to tell them, or should I?
1833
01:16:48,440 --> 01:16:49,939
- Don't, Sloane!
SLOANE: Why?
1834
01:16:49,940 --> 01:16:51,109
It's not good timing?
1835
01:16:51,110 --> 01:16:52,189
- [GRUNTS]
- [GUESTS GASP]
1836
01:16:52,190 --> 01:16:53,899
- Girls, stop that this instant!
1837
01:16:53,900 --> 01:16:55,479
- Come on, guys. Just hug it out.
1838
01:16:55,480 --> 01:16:56,649
BOTH: Shut up, Jane!
1839
01:16:56,650 --> 01:16:58,359
- Don't do this, Sloane.
1840
01:16:58,360 --> 01:17:00,819
- All this because you're scared
to not be the favorite.
1841
01:17:00,820 --> 01:17:01,869
Pathetic.
1842
01:17:01,870 --> 01:17:03,029
- Sloane, you're making a scene!
1843
01:17:03,030 --> 01:17:04,079
SLOANE: I am?
1844
01:17:04,080 --> 01:17:06,450
You think she's so innocent?
1845
01:17:07,580 --> 01:17:10,619
All of this is happening
because Harper is--
1846
01:17:10,620 --> 01:17:12,749
- [GUESTS GASP, SCREAM]
1847
01:17:12,750 --> 01:17:13,840
- [PANTING]
1848
01:17:15,300 --> 01:17:17,419
- Harper is a lesbian.
1849
01:17:17,420 --> 01:17:19,430
Abby's her girlfriend.
1850
01:17:31,770 --> 01:17:32,980
- She is lying.
1851
01:17:34,980 --> 01:17:36,279
I am not a lesbian.
1852
01:17:36,280 --> 01:17:40,070
Sloane is the one that has this big--
1853
01:18:07,600 --> 01:18:09,559
[GRUNTING IN FRUSTRATION]
TED: No!
1854
01:18:09,560 --> 01:18:11,769
- [HARPER SCREAMS]
- [GUESTS GASPING, SHOUTING]
1855
01:18:11,770 --> 01:18:13,729
- Harper!
- [SLOANE AND HARPER SCREAMING]
1856
01:18:13,730 --> 01:18:15,859
- Stop it! Goddamn it, stop it!
HARRY: Oh, my.
1857
01:18:15,860 --> 01:18:16,979
JANE: No!
1858
01:18:16,980 --> 01:18:18,979
Enough!
1859
01:18:18,980 --> 01:18:20,319
- [BOTH PANTING]
1860
01:18:20,320 --> 01:18:25,119
- I put 100 hours
into that painting, and you...
1861
01:18:25,120 --> 01:18:28,370
you just destroyed it like it was nothing.
1862
01:18:30,540 --> 01:18:31,960
It was something.
1863
01:18:33,330 --> 01:18:35,840
I am something.
1864
01:18:37,090 --> 01:18:38,589
And guess what.
1865
01:18:38,590 --> 01:18:39,959
I like myself.
1866
01:18:39,960 --> 01:18:44,430
And maybe you all don't
because I'm not fancy.
1867
01:18:45,640 --> 01:18:48,849
But whether you like it or not,
I'm a part of this family,
1868
01:18:48,850 --> 01:18:51,389
and I will not be left out anymore!
1869
01:18:51,390 --> 01:18:52,689
- [SCREAMING]
- No!
1870
01:18:52,690 --> 01:18:55,350
- [GUESTS GASPING]
1871
01:18:56,560 --> 01:18:57,899
- Stop it, girls!
1872
01:18:57,900 --> 01:18:59,899
- [GROANING]
TIPPER: Stop this right now.
1873
01:18:59,900 --> 01:19:01,069
JANE: Guys, you keep ripping it more!
1874
01:19:01,070 --> 01:19:03,529
TIPPER: Kids, what are you doing back there?
1875
01:19:03,530 --> 01:19:06,200
MAGNUS: Playing hide-and-seek
like Abby and Aunt Harper.
1876
01:19:07,410 --> 01:19:09,660
- [SIGHS, SNIFFLES]
1877
01:19:13,250 --> 01:19:15,250
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
1878
01:19:19,300 --> 01:19:21,630
[SIGHS, SNIFFLES]
1879
01:19:22,760 --> 01:19:24,179
JOHN: Abby?
1880
01:19:24,180 --> 01:19:25,680
- [ABBY GROANS]
1881
01:19:29,720 --> 01:19:31,600
- Want to go for a walk?
1882
01:19:32,640 --> 01:19:33,890
Okay.
1883
01:19:34,940 --> 01:19:36,729
Okay.
1884
01:19:36,730 --> 01:19:38,809
Come on.
1885
01:19:38,810 --> 01:19:40,730
ABBY: My parents loved Christmas.
1886
01:19:41,820 --> 01:19:43,149
We would do all the stuff.
1887
01:19:43,150 --> 01:19:45,449
We would decorate and...
1888
01:19:45,450 --> 01:19:47,870
do the tree and watch, like,
every Christmas movie.
1889
01:19:52,450 --> 01:19:56,209
After they died, I-I couldn't really
bring myself to acknowledge Christmas.
1890
01:19:56,210 --> 01:19:57,750
JOHN: Hmm.
1891
01:19:59,630 --> 01:20:03,299
- The holidays were just
a huge reminder of...
1892
01:20:03,300 --> 01:20:05,840
them not being here.
1893
01:20:08,010 --> 01:20:10,299
So I really thought
maybe this year with...
1894
01:20:10,300 --> 01:20:14,889
with Harper and meeting
her family, you know,
1895
01:20:14,890 --> 01:20:16,770
that it would just feel different.
1896
01:20:22,820 --> 01:20:24,489
[SNIFFLES]
1897
01:20:24,490 --> 01:20:27,569
I don't-- I don't think that she...
1898
01:20:27,570 --> 01:20:29,569
loves me as much as I thought she did.
1899
01:20:29,570 --> 01:20:31,240
- Hey.
1900
01:20:32,330 --> 01:20:37,329
Harper not coming out to her parents
has nothing to do with you.
1901
01:20:37,330 --> 01:20:40,330
- [TREMBLING]
How could it not?
1902
01:20:42,290 --> 01:20:46,090
- Remind me, what did your parents say
when you told them you were gay?
1903
01:20:47,300 --> 01:20:51,180
- Um, that they loved and supported me.
1904
01:20:52,350 --> 01:20:54,560
- That's amazing.
1905
01:20:57,980 --> 01:21:00,399
My dad...
1906
01:21:00,400 --> 01:21:02,229
kicked me out of the house
1907
01:21:02,230 --> 01:21:04,940
and didn't talk to me
for 13 years after I told him.
1908
01:21:06,860 --> 01:21:09,280
Everybody's story is different.
1909
01:21:10,660 --> 01:21:12,949
There's your version
1910
01:21:12,950 --> 01:21:17,000
and my version and everything in between.
1911
01:21:19,620 --> 01:21:22,919
But the one thing that
all of those stories have in common
1912
01:21:22,920 --> 01:21:27,419
is that moment
right before you say those words,
1913
01:21:27,420 --> 01:21:30,509
when your heart is racing
1914
01:21:30,510 --> 01:21:32,800
and you don't know what's coming next.
1915
01:21:35,760 --> 01:21:37,770
That moment's really terrifying.
1916
01:21:39,440 --> 01:21:41,599
And then once you say those words,
1917
01:21:41,600 --> 01:21:44,019
you can't unsay them.
1918
01:21:44,020 --> 01:21:48,399
A chapter has ended,
and a new one's begun,
1919
01:21:48,400 --> 01:21:52,569
and you have to be ready for that.
1920
01:21:52,570 --> 01:21:54,780
You can't do it for anyone else.
1921
01:21:56,700 --> 01:21:59,619
Just because Harper isn't ready,
1922
01:21:59,620 --> 01:22:02,169
it doesn't mean she never will be,
1923
01:22:02,170 --> 01:22:04,079
and it doesn't mean she doesn't love you.
1924
01:22:04,080 --> 01:22:05,750
- [SNIFFLES]
1925
01:22:08,340 --> 01:22:09,879
[SNIFFLES]
1926
01:22:09,880 --> 01:22:13,429
I-I want to be with someone who is ready.
1927
01:22:13,430 --> 01:22:15,350
- Mm.
1928
01:22:28,030 --> 01:22:30,569
You look great in this coat.
1929
01:22:30,570 --> 01:22:32,489
GUEST: Merry Christmas. Thank you.
SLOANE: Thank you.
1930
01:22:32,490 --> 01:22:35,070
- [QUIET CHATTER]
1931
01:22:36,120 --> 01:22:37,870
RILEY: Just wait for me in the car.
1932
01:22:44,460 --> 01:22:45,670
Great party.
1933
01:22:46,710 --> 01:22:48,299
- Yeah.
1934
01:22:48,300 --> 01:22:49,420
- You okay?
1935
01:22:53,050 --> 01:22:54,890
- I'm so sorry.
1936
01:22:57,100 --> 01:22:58,970
- [SIGHS]
1937
01:23:02,100 --> 01:23:04,270
Merry Christmas.
1938
01:23:05,850 --> 01:23:07,610
- Merry Christmas.
1939
01:23:12,530 --> 01:23:14,359
- She's a really good one.
1940
01:23:14,360 --> 01:23:16,200
- [CHUCKLES]
Yeah.
1941
01:23:20,240 --> 01:23:21,450
- Riley.
- Sloane.
1942
01:23:27,630 --> 01:23:29,500
- I'm sorry.
1943
01:23:30,710 --> 01:23:32,880
Okay, come on.
Let's get you two to bed.
1944
01:23:34,970 --> 01:23:37,219
- Thank you, Ms. Levin, for coming,
1945
01:23:37,220 --> 01:23:41,469
and again, my apologies for the spectacle.
1946
01:23:41,470 --> 01:23:43,230
- I'll call you.
1947
01:23:50,440 --> 01:23:52,439
- What the hell happened tonight?
1948
01:23:52,440 --> 01:23:54,949
Even as children,
you never behaved this badly.
1949
01:23:54,950 --> 01:23:57,869
I expected more from you,
especially you, Harper.
1950
01:23:57,870 --> 01:23:59,909
You know how this world works.
1951
01:23:59,910 --> 01:24:04,329
Reputation is everything,
and tonight you jeopardized mine.
1952
01:24:04,330 --> 01:24:07,169
Jane, I know you-you just
wanted to be included.
1953
01:24:07,170 --> 01:24:08,459
- It was really nice.
1954
01:24:08,460 --> 01:24:12,419
- Sloane, making up lies
about your sister.
1955
01:24:12,420 --> 01:24:13,799
You're better than that.
1956
01:24:13,800 --> 01:24:16,260
At least you used to be.
1957
01:24:18,840 --> 01:24:20,969
- Sorry, I'm-I'm just getting my stuff.
1958
01:24:20,970 --> 01:24:23,059
- Wait, Abby.
1959
01:24:23,060 --> 01:24:24,680
Wait.
1960
01:24:25,890 --> 01:24:27,139
[SIGHS]
1961
01:24:27,140 --> 01:24:29,150
Sloane wasn't lying.
1962
01:24:30,730 --> 01:24:32,230
I'm gay.
1963
01:24:36,820 --> 01:24:39,740
And I am in love with Abby.
1964
01:24:41,950 --> 01:24:43,949
I'm sorry I didn't tell you guys sooner,
1965
01:24:43,950 --> 01:24:47,499
but I know how much appearances
and reputation matter to you,
1966
01:24:47,500 --> 01:24:50,789
and me being gay just didn't...
1967
01:24:50,790 --> 01:24:53,209
fit into the plan.
1968
01:24:53,210 --> 01:24:57,129
But I...
1969
01:24:57,130 --> 01:25:00,340
let myself hurt Riley...
1970
01:25:02,140 --> 01:25:05,139
...because I was so scared
that you would find out
1971
01:25:05,140 --> 01:25:07,390
I wasn't who you wanted me to be.
1972
01:25:08,480 --> 01:25:10,269
And...
1973
01:25:10,270 --> 01:25:12,860
I still regret it.
1974
01:25:14,150 --> 01:25:17,860
I can't do that to Abby...
[CHUCKLES]
1975
01:25:19,910 --> 01:25:21,700
[CRYING]
...and throw away...
1976
01:25:23,080 --> 01:25:24,660
...our life together.
1977
01:25:27,620 --> 01:25:32,379
So I am done being scared,
1978
01:25:32,380 --> 01:25:34,880
and I am done keeping secrets.
1979
01:25:37,050 --> 01:25:38,800
I love you.
1980
01:26:03,030 --> 01:26:05,450
- Eric and I are getting a divorce.
1981
01:26:06,700 --> 01:26:09,660
We separated a few months ago.
1982
01:26:10,910 --> 01:26:12,959
And the truth is I didn't tell you
1983
01:26:12,960 --> 01:26:15,210
because without my family
I'm worthless to you.
1984
01:26:16,880 --> 01:26:22,129
We've spent our entire lives
trying to earn your love,
1985
01:26:22,130 --> 01:26:24,140
and I'm done, too.
1986
01:26:30,850 --> 01:26:34,350
- I don't have any secrets,
but I am an ally.
1987
01:26:43,530 --> 01:26:44,950
[DISTANT DOOR CLOSES]
1988
01:26:49,040 --> 01:26:51,579
- I'm gonna go.
1989
01:26:51,580 --> 01:26:54,169
- Wait. No, no.
1990
01:26:54,170 --> 01:26:56,170
[SIGHING]
1991
01:26:57,960 --> 01:26:59,880
I did it.
1992
01:27:00,880 --> 01:27:02,590
- Mm-hmm.
1993
01:27:04,300 --> 01:27:06,849
I'm sorry.
1994
01:27:06,850 --> 01:27:09,470
Uh, it's just too late.
1995
01:27:26,410 --> 01:27:28,410
- [SOBS SOFTLY]
1996
01:27:48,680 --> 01:27:50,680
- [TAKES DEEP BREATH]
1997
01:27:52,600 --> 01:27:56,729
I have always wanted to try karate,
1998
01:27:56,730 --> 01:27:58,729
even though I know it's not elegant.
1999
01:27:58,730 --> 01:28:01,019
I hate flowers.
2000
01:28:01,020 --> 01:28:02,689
- I see what you're doing.
2001
01:28:02,690 --> 01:28:07,360
- We have been so worried
about seeming perfect.
2002
01:28:09,030 --> 01:28:13,000
But maybe we don't even know
what perfect is.
2003
01:28:14,040 --> 01:28:16,369
We have one daughter
2004
01:28:16,370 --> 01:28:20,379
who has been unhappy in a marriage
and felt like she couldn't tell us,
2005
01:28:20,380 --> 01:28:23,669
and another daughter who...
2006
01:28:23,670 --> 01:28:27,339
[CRYING]
just had her heart broken
2007
01:28:27,340 --> 01:28:30,259
because she was afraid
2008
01:28:30,260 --> 01:28:33,019
we wouldn't love her
if she told us the truth.
2009
01:28:33,020 --> 01:28:35,019
And...
[SNIFFLES]
2010
01:28:35,020 --> 01:28:38,649
the only reason that Jane is okay
is because we gave up on her
2011
01:28:38,650 --> 01:28:41,059
after she wouldn't stop
biting in preschool.
2012
01:28:41,060 --> 01:28:43,109
[TAKES DEEP, GASPING BREATH]
2013
01:28:43,110 --> 01:28:45,189
That is...
2014
01:28:45,190 --> 01:28:49,410
very far from perfect, if you ask me.
2015
01:28:57,080 --> 01:28:58,999
- Thanks.
2016
01:28:59,000 --> 01:29:01,169
- I'm really sorry.
2017
01:29:01,170 --> 01:29:02,669
- I know.
2018
01:29:02,670 --> 01:29:04,420
Me, too.
2019
01:29:05,800 --> 01:29:08,179
And, Jane, I...
2020
01:29:08,180 --> 01:29:11,639
I'm so sorry about your painting.
2021
01:29:11,640 --> 01:29:13,429
It was really beautiful.
2022
01:29:13,430 --> 01:29:15,679
- It was.
2023
01:29:15,680 --> 01:29:17,850
- Thanks, guys.
2024
01:29:23,690 --> 01:29:26,690
- He just needs a little time.
2025
01:29:31,320 --> 01:29:33,949
JOHN: Okay, listen to these ingredients:
2026
01:29:33,950 --> 01:29:35,289
maltodextrin,
2027
01:29:35,290 --> 01:29:37,999
autolyzed yeast extract,
2028
01:29:38,000 --> 01:29:40,869
artificial colors-- Red 40 Lake,
2029
01:29:40,870 --> 01:29:44,129
Yellow 6 Lake, Yellow 6, Yellow 5.
2030
01:29:44,130 --> 01:29:46,839
Because all of the yellows
taste so different.
2031
01:29:46,840 --> 01:29:49,589
You know, I am disgusted at the poison
2032
01:29:49,590 --> 01:29:52,390
these corporations
try to pass off as food.
2033
01:29:54,220 --> 01:29:56,099
- Who's watching the animals?
2034
01:29:56,100 --> 01:29:58,309
- My therapist is taking care of them,
but we should have
2035
01:29:58,310 --> 01:30:01,270
a conversation about the fish
at some point.
2036
01:30:02,560 --> 01:30:04,730
- What happened to the fish?
2037
01:30:06,860 --> 01:30:08,860
- Let's look at gum.
2038
01:30:12,950 --> 01:30:15,159
Okay, so I just want to
preface this by saying that
2039
01:30:15,160 --> 01:30:17,079
nobody would disagree
that fish belong in the ocean.
2040
01:30:17,080 --> 01:30:18,580
Correct?
[HORN HONKING]
2041
01:30:21,210 --> 01:30:23,039
- Abby.
2042
01:30:23,040 --> 01:30:24,539
- H-How did you even--
2043
01:30:24,540 --> 01:30:26,999
- I tracked you. John taught me.
2044
01:30:27,000 --> 01:30:28,459
- I just want to go home.
2045
01:30:28,460 --> 01:30:30,759
HARPER: I know. I just--
2046
01:30:30,760 --> 01:30:33,140
Please, let me say this.
2047
01:30:34,180 --> 01:30:36,429
You are my family.
2048
01:30:36,430 --> 01:30:40,429
I mean, you are the love of my life.
2049
01:30:40,430 --> 01:30:41,979
I was terrible.
2050
01:30:41,980 --> 01:30:44,439
And-and I wish that
I could undo everything,
2051
01:30:44,440 --> 01:30:46,819
but I promise you
I will make it up to you.
2052
01:30:46,820 --> 01:30:50,189
I will spend the rest of my life
making it up to you.
2053
01:30:50,190 --> 01:30:52,860
And I won't hurt you like this again.
2054
01:30:54,990 --> 01:30:57,619
But please...
2055
01:30:57,620 --> 01:30:59,449
give me another chance.
2056
01:30:59,450 --> 01:31:01,910
I-I want to build a life with you.
2057
01:31:03,960 --> 01:31:05,790
Please.
2058
01:31:07,790 --> 01:31:09,379
- And what about your parents? I--
2059
01:31:09,380 --> 01:31:11,419
- No, no, I...
2060
01:31:11,420 --> 01:31:14,129
I don't care what they think.
2061
01:31:14,130 --> 01:31:16,510
I only care about you.
2062
01:31:17,850 --> 01:31:20,470
If I have you, that's all I need.
2063
01:31:22,770 --> 01:31:24,480
Be with me.
2064
01:31:31,110 --> 01:31:33,610
♪ uplifting music ♪
2065
01:31:35,410 --> 01:31:37,120
- [CHUCKLES]
2066
01:31:52,550 --> 01:31:54,339
♪ upbeat holiday music ♪
2067
01:31:54,340 --> 01:31:55,759
JANE: So, the Shadow Dreamers
2068
01:31:55,760 --> 01:31:58,219
were compelled to rise up against Flanks.
2069
01:31:58,220 --> 01:32:00,389
JOHN: Because of the blatant
Thorfian rights violations.
2070
01:32:00,390 --> 01:32:01,769
- Exactly.
2071
01:32:01,770 --> 01:32:02,849
- Good morning.
2072
01:32:02,850 --> 01:32:04,139
- Hey, morning. Merry Christmas.
- Hi.
2073
01:32:04,140 --> 01:32:06,099
- Morning.
HARPER: Hey, Mom.
2074
01:32:06,100 --> 01:32:07,979
- Hi.
- Hi.
2075
01:32:07,980 --> 01:32:09,189
ABBY: How'd you sleep?
2076
01:32:09,190 --> 01:32:11,149
- Did he come down?
2077
01:32:11,150 --> 01:32:12,899
- No, not yet.
2078
01:32:12,900 --> 01:32:14,319
SLOANE: Everyone.
2079
01:32:14,320 --> 01:32:15,529
Go ahead, kids.
2080
01:32:15,530 --> 01:32:18,319
- We put the necklace in Abby's bag.
2081
01:32:18,320 --> 01:32:19,949
MAGNUS: We're sorry.
2082
01:32:19,950 --> 01:32:21,279
- Thank you.
2083
01:32:21,280 --> 01:32:23,369
- Can we open our stockings now?
2084
01:32:23,370 --> 01:32:25,209
- Yes.
- Let's go.
2085
01:32:25,210 --> 01:32:27,290
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
2086
01:32:33,880 --> 01:32:38,219
- Uh, I have sunk
almost all of our savings
2087
01:32:38,220 --> 01:32:40,219
into this campaign.
2088
01:32:40,220 --> 01:32:44,019
Because I thought, if I won,
2089
01:32:44,020 --> 01:32:46,019
you'd all be proud of me.
2090
01:32:46,020 --> 01:32:48,099
- We're already proud of you.
2091
01:32:48,100 --> 01:32:50,359
- We don't care if you win.
2092
01:32:50,360 --> 01:32:51,519
- Yeah.
2093
01:32:51,520 --> 01:32:53,439
And the money doesn't matter.
2094
01:32:53,440 --> 01:32:56,030
When I sell my book,
I'll take care of all of us.
2095
01:32:59,410 --> 01:33:02,199
- I love you, girls.
2096
01:33:02,200 --> 01:33:04,999
And I'm sorry for making you think
2097
01:33:05,000 --> 01:33:08,080
that anything could ever
get in the way of that.
2098
01:33:09,080 --> 01:33:10,749
I want to do better,
2099
01:33:10,750 --> 01:33:14,049
and it will take time,
but all I want for you
2100
01:33:14,050 --> 01:33:16,169
is to find the same joy and happiness
2101
01:33:16,170 --> 01:33:20,799
that you have given me,
no matter where it comes from.
2102
01:33:20,800 --> 01:33:22,800
- [TIPPER CHUCKLING]
2103
01:33:24,890 --> 01:33:26,679
JANE: Aw.
2104
01:33:26,680 --> 01:33:29,559
TED: Mm.
- [WOMEN LAUGHING]
2105
01:33:29,560 --> 01:33:32,650
["O HOLY NIGHT" INSTRUMENTAL PLAYING]
2106
01:33:41,410 --> 01:33:42,819
- Whoa!
2107
01:33:42,820 --> 01:33:44,119
- Smile.
2108
01:33:44,120 --> 01:33:45,489
Smile.
2109
01:33:45,490 --> 01:33:46,789
- Aw.
[CAMERA CLICKS]
2110
01:33:46,790 --> 01:33:48,829
- You didn't think I knew
how to do that, did you?
2111
01:33:48,830 --> 01:33:49,830
- I-- It's impressive.
2112
01:33:49,831 --> 01:33:51,750
[♪♪♪]
2113
01:34:07,350 --> 01:34:09,139
- Hello?
HARRY: Merry Christmas, Ted.
2114
01:34:09,140 --> 01:34:10,729
- Merry--
HARRY: I'll get right to it.
2115
01:34:10,730 --> 01:34:13,269
I like you.
I think you can win, too,
2116
01:34:13,270 --> 01:34:15,229
and not just this election.
2117
01:34:15,230 --> 01:34:17,609
- Thank you, Ms. Levin.
HARRY: Hold on. There's an "if."
2118
01:34:17,610 --> 01:34:21,319
Now, I don't know if Sloane's
revelation last night was true,
2119
01:34:21,320 --> 01:34:23,529
but if it is...
[SIGHS]
2120
01:34:23,530 --> 01:34:27,199
and Harper can adopt
a "don't ask, don't tell" policy
2121
01:34:27,200 --> 01:34:29,869
regarding her private life,
2122
01:34:29,870 --> 01:34:31,659
I think we could be in business.
2123
01:34:31,660 --> 01:34:33,670
What do you say?
2124
01:34:45,720 --> 01:34:47,309
- Well?
2125
01:34:47,310 --> 01:34:49,270
- It's not gonna work out.
2126
01:34:50,310 --> 01:34:51,559
- Oh.
2127
01:34:51,560 --> 01:34:53,230
- We'll figure something out.
2128
01:34:57,770 --> 01:34:59,569
TIPPER: Great, so--
Wait, come over here.
2129
01:34:59,570 --> 01:35:01,899
TED: Okay. Where am I? Here?
TIPPER: You move there.
2130
01:35:01,900 --> 01:35:04,069
TED: Yeah, okay. Okay.
TIPPER: Hi, honey. Right.
2131
01:35:04,070 --> 01:35:06,119
Um, Jane, you get in the middle.
2132
01:35:06,120 --> 01:35:07,120
- Yeah.
2133
01:35:08,160 --> 01:35:09,579
- [CHUCKLING]
- Right there.
2134
01:35:09,580 --> 01:35:11,329
TIPPER: John, would you mind?
2135
01:35:11,330 --> 01:35:13,419
- Oh, I would be delighted.
2136
01:35:13,420 --> 01:35:15,539
Okay.
2137
01:35:15,540 --> 01:35:17,879
- Abby, what are you doing way over there?
2138
01:35:17,880 --> 01:35:19,499
Get in here.
- Come on.
2139
01:35:19,500 --> 01:35:21,670
- [LAUGHTER]
2140
01:35:23,930 --> 01:35:26,299
- Okay. Everyone say, "Christmas."
2141
01:35:26,300 --> 01:35:28,179
- No, don't say that.
- [ABBY LAUGHS]
2142
01:35:28,180 --> 01:35:30,769
["MAKE YOU MINE THIS SEASON" BY TEGAN & SARA PLAYING]
2143
01:35:30,770 --> 01:35:31,849
[CAMERA CLICKS]
2144
01:35:31,850 --> 01:35:35,269
♪ Somebody broke your heart ♪
2145
01:35:35,270 --> 01:35:38,019
♪ Under a Christmas tree... ♪
2146
01:35:38,020 --> 01:35:40,069
JANE: "Once they cross Corvall Chasm,
2147
01:35:40,070 --> 01:35:42,239
"they will enter floam territory.
2148
01:35:42,240 --> 01:35:45,659
"The Shadow Dreamers know
they might not all make it out
2149
01:35:45,660 --> 01:35:47,449
"with their Krindoll intact,
2150
01:35:47,450 --> 01:35:51,489
"but the entire Thorfian race
rests on their shoulders.
2151
01:35:51,490 --> 01:35:55,999
"They look to each other
and then into the darkness.
2152
01:35:56,000 --> 01:35:59,459
It is Glank who takes the first step."
2153
01:35:59,460 --> 01:36:01,840
- [CHEERING]
2154
01:36:07,550 --> 01:36:09,349
- Here you go.
Thank you so much for coming.
2155
01:36:09,350 --> 01:36:10,389
MAN: Thank you.
2156
01:36:10,390 --> 01:36:11,969
JANE: Bye.
- Hi.
2157
01:36:11,970 --> 01:36:13,139
JANE: Hi.
- We'll meet you there?
2158
01:36:13,140 --> 01:36:14,140
- Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
2159
01:36:14,140 --> 01:36:15,140
- Okay.
- Yeah, you bet.
2160
01:36:15,141 --> 01:36:16,349
- That was awesome.
- Bye.
2161
01:36:16,350 --> 01:36:17,399
- Hi.
- Hi.
2162
01:36:17,400 --> 01:36:18,559
- Oh. Two at a time.
- Oh.
2163
01:36:18,560 --> 01:36:19,769
- Aah!
- Oh, my word.
- It's an onslaught.
2164
01:36:19,770 --> 01:36:21,069
[♪♪♪]
2165
01:36:21,070 --> 01:36:24,279
♪ Make you mine,
make you mine this season ♪
2166
01:36:24,280 --> 01:36:27,779
♪ Bells ring out on the street ♪
2167
01:36:27,780 --> 01:36:29,909
♪ Snow falling at our feet ♪
2168
01:36:29,910 --> 01:36:31,779
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]
2169
01:36:31,780 --> 01:36:34,250
♪ Lights glowing in the trees ♪
2170
01:36:35,540 --> 01:36:37,669
♪ Will you dance with me? ♪
2171
01:36:37,670 --> 01:36:41,669
♪ Have I been good enough ♪
- [SLOANE LAUGHS]
2172
01:36:41,670 --> 01:36:45,760
♪ To ask for your love? ♪
2173
01:36:48,680 --> 01:36:52,309
♪ You're the only girl
I've got on my list ♪
2174
01:36:52,310 --> 01:36:55,679
♪ I write your name, I know it's foolish ♪
2175
01:36:55,680 --> 01:36:59,899
♪ But I chase the feeling
'cause you keep me dreaming ♪
2176
01:36:59,900 --> 01:37:03,939
♪ That I could make you mine,
make you mine this season ♪
2177
01:37:03,940 --> 01:37:06,819
♪ I put a star on the top of my tree ♪
2178
01:37:06,820 --> 01:37:10,659
♪ I just want to make you mine ♪
2179
01:37:10,660 --> 01:37:14,079
♪ Its light is gonna lead you
straight to me ♪
2180
01:37:14,080 --> 01:37:17,710
♪ I just want to make you mine. ♪
2181
01:37:22,380 --> 01:37:24,379
[SONG FADES]
["THINK OF CHRISTMAS" BY ANNE-MARIE BEGINS]
2182
01:37:24,380 --> 01:37:28,549
♪ When I think of Christmas ♪
2183
01:37:28,550 --> 01:37:30,760
♪ I think of you ♪
2184
01:37:41,440 --> 01:37:44,189
♪ Remember the snow angels ♪
2185
01:37:44,190 --> 01:37:46,569
♪ Unorthodox anecdotes ♪
2186
01:37:46,570 --> 01:37:49,399
♪ About how it's never home ♪
2187
01:37:49,400 --> 01:37:52,119
♪ Hmm, unless you're here ♪
2188
01:37:52,120 --> 01:37:54,779
♪ Don't matter how deep the snow ♪
2189
01:37:54,780 --> 01:37:57,499
♪ Don't matter how cold it goes ♪
2190
01:37:57,500 --> 01:37:59,999
♪ I've already made it home ♪
2191
01:38:00,000 --> 01:38:02,329
♪ Hmm, because you're here ♪
2192
01:38:02,330 --> 01:38:05,129
♪ Still at the kids' table
even though we're grown ♪
2193
01:38:05,130 --> 01:38:07,799
♪ Hands on my kneecap
underneath the table ♪
2194
01:38:07,800 --> 01:38:10,629
♪ We got a secret only you and me know ♪
2195
01:38:10,630 --> 01:38:12,929
♪ But they know 'cause ♪
2196
01:38:12,930 --> 01:38:16,099
♪ A love like ours comes
with the brightest of halos ♪
2197
01:38:16,100 --> 01:38:17,519
♪ Yeah, they know ♪
2198
01:38:17,520 --> 01:38:22,019
♪ That when I think of Christmas ♪
2199
01:38:22,020 --> 01:38:25,649
♪ I think of you and me
and a classic kiss ♪
2200
01:38:25,650 --> 01:38:28,569
♪ Modern love is what it is ♪
2201
01:38:28,570 --> 01:38:32,569
♪ When I think of Christmas ♪
2202
01:38:32,570 --> 01:38:35,949
♪ I think of nothing more, nothing to do ♪
2203
01:38:35,950 --> 01:38:38,909
♪ Unwrap myself in front of you ♪
2204
01:38:38,910 --> 01:38:43,209
♪ When I think of Christmas ♪
2205
01:38:43,210 --> 01:38:45,500
♪ I think of you ♪
2206
01:38:48,590 --> 01:38:50,970
♪ I think of you ♪
2207
01:38:56,140 --> 01:38:58,809
♪ Rewriting my memories ♪
2208
01:38:58,810 --> 01:39:01,229
♪ Creating new history ♪
2209
01:39:01,230 --> 01:39:04,059
♪ And the season feels new to me ♪
2210
01:39:04,060 --> 01:39:06,359
♪ Huh, because you're here ♪
2211
01:39:06,360 --> 01:39:09,109
♪ Still at the kids' table
even though we're grown ♪
2212
01:39:09,110 --> 01:39:11,819
♪ Hands on my kneecap
underneath the table ♪
2213
01:39:11,820 --> 01:39:14,909
♪ We got a secret only you and me know ♪
2214
01:39:14,910 --> 01:39:16,949
♪ But they know 'cause ♪
2215
01:39:16,950 --> 01:39:20,119
♪ A love like ours comes
with the brightest of halos ♪
2216
01:39:20,120 --> 01:39:21,449
♪ Yeah, they know ♪
2217
01:39:21,450 --> 01:39:25,999
♪ That when I think of Christmas ♪
2218
01:39:26,000 --> 01:39:29,669
♪ I think of you and me
and a classic kiss ♪
2219
01:39:29,670 --> 01:39:32,549
♪ Modern love is what it is ♪
2220
01:39:32,550 --> 01:39:36,469
♪ When I think of Christmas ♪
2221
01:39:36,470 --> 01:39:40,099
♪ I think of nothing more, nothing to do ♪
2222
01:39:40,100 --> 01:39:42,979
♪ Unwrap myself in front of you ♪
2223
01:39:42,980 --> 01:39:47,309
♪ When I think of Christmas ♪
2224
01:39:47,310 --> 01:39:49,690
♪ I think of you ♪
2225
01:39:52,780 --> 01:39:55,240
♪ I think of you ♪
2226
01:39:58,200 --> 01:40:00,660
♪ I think of you ♪
2227
01:40:04,580 --> 01:40:08,789
♪ When I think of Christmas ♪
2228
01:40:08,790 --> 01:40:11,209
♪ I think of you. ♪
[SONG ENDS]
2229
01:40:11,210 --> 01:40:13,210
♪ joyous holiday music ♪
2230
01:40:43,240 --> 01:40:45,250
[♪♪♪]
2231
01:41:04,220 --> 01:41:06,230
["JINGLE BELLS" INSTRUMENTAL PLAYS]
2232
01:41:36,260 --> 01:41:38,260
[♪♪♪]
2233
01:41:41,090 --> 01:41:43,100
[MUSIC ENDS]