1 00:00:06,310 --> 00:00:09,096 Troops, we're running low on fresh water, 2 00:00:09,226 --> 00:00:11,446 so I must speak against this ridiculous new trend 3 00:00:11,576 --> 00:00:13,056 of handwashing. 4 00:00:13,187 --> 00:00:15,537 Sir, I heard that handwashing prevents dysentery. 5 00:00:15,667 --> 00:00:19,019 Oh, I'm sorry, Collins, are you a physician or a barber? 6 00:00:19,149 --> 00:00:21,064 I didn't think so. 7 00:00:22,544 --> 00:00:25,851 Now, time for my newest invention. 8 00:00:25,982 --> 00:00:28,245 One that shall surely turn the tide in this conflict. 9 00:00:31,683 --> 00:00:34,860 A musket with a spy glass attached. I'm calling it... 10 00:00:34,991 --> 00:00:36,993 the "Eyesaac." 11 00:00:37,124 --> 00:00:38,864 So just your name? Right. 12 00:00:38,995 --> 00:00:40,431 But instead of the letter "I," 13 00:00:40,562 --> 00:00:41,974 I'm spelling it with the word "eye"... 14 00:00:41,998 --> 00:00:45,697 E-Y-E... at the front. 15 00:00:45,828 --> 00:00:49,310 Point is, close combat will soon be a thing of the past, 16 00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:51,442 because the Eyesaac, E-Y-E, 17 00:00:51,573 --> 00:00:55,011 allows for accurate targeting of up to... 18 00:00:55,142 --> 00:00:56,795 And I kid you not... 50 yards. 19 00:01:00,451 --> 00:01:03,324 Glory be, I've got eyes on a British officer. 20 00:01:03,454 --> 00:01:06,327 Now, of course it would be dishonorable to engage 21 00:01:06,457 --> 00:01:08,416 while, you know, he's unarmed. 22 00:01:08,546 --> 00:01:10,766 Quite a striking fellow. 23 00:01:10,896 --> 00:01:12,594 He's fit of body, 24 00:01:12,724 --> 00:01:14,987 well-groomed, 25 00:01:15,118 --> 00:01:17,077 ready for action. 26 00:01:21,559 --> 00:01:23,866 Right. 27 00:01:23,996 --> 00:01:26,782 Well, lots of war stuff to do. 28 00:01:26,912 --> 00:01:28,827 Battle is nigh. And remember, 29 00:01:28,958 --> 00:01:31,482 do not shoot them until 30 00:01:31,613 --> 00:01:33,702 you see the green of his eyes. 31 00:01:33,832 --> 00:01:35,443 Theireyes. 32 00:01:35,573 --> 00:01:37,227 Till you see the green of their eyes. 33 00:01:37,358 --> 00:01:38,944 I actually didn't notice if he had green eyes. 34 00:01:38,968 --> 00:01:40,926 Theyhad green eyes. 35 00:01:48,238 --> 00:01:50,197 Oh, I gotta find a way out of this crypt. 36 00:01:50,327 --> 00:01:51,826 I'm not getting eaten by a purple worm. 37 00:01:51,850 --> 00:01:53,069 Eaten by a worm? 38 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:54,375 This game seems stressful. 39 00:01:54,505 --> 00:01:56,028 This is what Jay does to relax? 40 00:01:56,159 --> 00:01:57,745 Dungeons & Dragons isn't about relaxation, 41 00:01:57,769 --> 00:01:59,031 it's about adventure. 42 00:01:59,162 --> 00:02:00,574 Yeah. Nothing says adventure like eating 43 00:02:00,598 --> 00:02:02,818 a family-size bag of chips by yourself. 44 00:02:02,948 --> 00:02:05,995 Okay, Jay, you're gonna have to make a decision. Do you... 45 00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:07,301 Oh, come on. Not again. 46 00:02:08,954 --> 00:02:12,828 I'm sorry, guys, my Internet cut out again. Yeah, we know. 47 00:02:12,958 --> 00:02:15,004 It's happened, like, 20 times already. 48 00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:17,025 Yeah, well, what do you expect? It's rural Internet. 49 00:02:17,049 --> 00:02:18,486 You guys get it. You're from Queens. 50 00:02:18,616 --> 00:02:19,922 That's practically the country. 51 00:02:20,052 --> 00:02:21,595 Jay, we moved downtown, by Brett and Shayla. 52 00:02:21,619 --> 00:02:22,838 You did? Wait. 53 00:02:22,968 --> 00:02:23,752 Who's Brett and Shayla? 54 00:02:23,882 --> 00:02:25,188 You haven't met Brett yet? Okay. 55 00:02:25,319 --> 00:02:27,451 He is hilarious. He fits right in. 56 00:02:27,582 --> 00:02:29,366 We met him at a pub quiz. 57 00:02:29,497 --> 00:02:31,238 Oh... 58 00:02:31,368 --> 00:02:33,544 I'm confused. Is this part of the game? 59 00:02:33,675 --> 00:02:35,348 Unfortunately, I think the only game being played here 60 00:02:35,372 --> 00:02:36,372 is an adult man 61 00:02:36,460 --> 00:02:38,506 trying to maintain long-distance friendships. 62 00:02:38,636 --> 00:02:40,638 I don't get it. Couldn't... a hotspot or something? 63 00:02:40,769 --> 00:02:42,529 Oh, great, you're back. Hey, can you hear me? 64 00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:45,077 Do we just ask Brett to take Jay's spot? 65 00:02:45,208 --> 00:02:46,533 What? Brett can't have my spot. No way. 66 00:02:46,557 --> 00:02:48,013 What are you thinking, should we just kill Jay's character? 67 00:02:48,037 --> 00:02:48,907 No, guys, 68 00:02:49,038 --> 00:02:50,996 I can hear you. 69 00:02:51,127 --> 00:02:53,608 I'm sad to lose Jay. But Brett? Hello? 70 00:02:53,738 --> 00:02:54,870 I hate Brett. 71 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:56,219 Wow. Hard to imagine 72 00:02:56,350 --> 00:02:58,047 feeling this betrayed by friends. 73 00:02:58,178 --> 00:03:00,223 Didn't your best friend sleep with your wife? 74 00:03:00,354 --> 00:03:03,444 Yes, Sasappis. Thank you for that helpful example. 75 00:03:03,574 --> 00:03:05,489 So you want me to just take down the whole shed? 76 00:03:05,620 --> 00:03:07,361 Yeah, it's kind of an eyesore. 77 00:03:09,363 --> 00:03:10,363 Oh. 78 00:03:11,582 --> 00:03:15,369 What on earth is the meaning of this? 79 00:03:17,588 --> 00:03:19,087 Oh, yeah, this place will come down real easy. 80 00:03:19,111 --> 00:03:20,548 Come down? 81 00:03:20,678 --> 00:03:22,071 I'll have you know these barracks 82 00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:23,831 are the sovereign territory of his Royal Highness 83 00:03:23,855 --> 00:03:25,292 King George III. 84 00:03:26,336 --> 00:03:27,468 And look at this one. 85 00:03:27,598 --> 00:03:28,730 Gawking.Sorry. 86 00:03:29,513 --> 00:03:30,775 Mark. 87 00:03:30,906 --> 00:03:32,255 Sorry, Mark. 88 00:03:32,386 --> 00:03:34,431 Uh, just leave the shed. 89 00:03:34,562 --> 00:03:35,824 I have a meeting. 90 00:03:35,954 --> 00:03:37,913 We'll talk later. 91 00:03:38,043 --> 00:03:39,697 She can see us.Remarkable. 92 00:03:39,828 --> 00:03:41,351 Indeed. 93 00:03:41,482 --> 00:03:44,049 Hey. Uh, did you guys know there's three British soldiers 94 00:03:44,180 --> 00:03:46,835 from the Revolutionary War living in our garden shed? 95 00:03:46,965 --> 00:03:47,836 Don't worry about them. 96 00:03:47,966 --> 00:03:49,161 They mostly stick to themselves. 97 00:03:49,185 --> 00:03:50,795 They come up to the main house 98 00:03:50,926 --> 00:03:53,006 once every year or so with some dispute or complaint. 99 00:03:53,102 --> 00:03:55,235 They've never gotten over losing the war. 100 00:03:55,365 --> 00:03:57,585 Well, those limeys can wipe their eyes with crumpets. 101 00:03:57,715 --> 00:04:00,327 'Cause this land is, and has always been, American. 102 00:04:00,457 --> 00:04:01,763 Said the guy from Massapequa. 103 00:04:01,893 --> 00:04:03,939 Ever since the war, the agreement's been 104 00:04:04,069 --> 00:04:06,047 the Americans get the house, the Brits get the shed. 105 00:04:06,071 --> 00:04:06,637 No, no, 106 00:04:06,768 --> 00:04:07,943 no, no. 107 00:04:08,073 --> 00:04:10,162 Oh, no. What is it, Jay? 108 00:04:10,293 --> 00:04:11,947 Hitch died. 109 00:04:12,077 --> 00:04:13,818 Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. 110 00:04:13,949 --> 00:04:15,820 That's awful. He was a... 111 00:04:15,951 --> 00:04:17,518 really... 112 00:04:17,648 --> 00:04:18,886 You have no idea who Hitch is, do you? 113 00:04:18,910 --> 00:04:21,086 I do not. He was my D&D character. 114 00:04:21,217 --> 00:04:22,412 Oh. No, not to be insensitive, 115 00:04:22,436 --> 00:04:24,873 it's just, doesn't he exist entirely in your head? 116 00:04:25,003 --> 00:04:26,440 What is it, Pete? 117 00:04:26,570 --> 00:04:29,486 I-I just wanted to say, as a long-time adventurer myself, 118 00:04:29,617 --> 00:04:32,446 the bond between D&D creator and character 119 00:04:32,576 --> 00:04:33,969 can be very real. 120 00:04:34,099 --> 00:04:35,947 I know I shed a few tears when I lost Gelvin Monkspear 121 00:04:35,971 --> 00:04:37,320 to the demogorgon. 122 00:04:37,451 --> 00:04:39,627 Pete's saying he can relate, 'cause he got upset 123 00:04:39,757 --> 00:04:41,917 about losing some character to a demidragon.Demogorgon. 124 00:04:41,977 --> 00:04:42,847 Demogorgon? 125 00:04:42,978 --> 00:04:44,806 Pete plays D&D? 126 00:04:44,936 --> 00:04:46,895 Heck yeah. It was really popular in the '80s. 127 00:04:47,025 --> 00:04:49,593 Hey, maybe Jay and I could play together. 128 00:04:49,724 --> 00:04:51,615 Oh, that's really sweet... Pete wishes he could play with you. 129 00:04:51,639 --> 00:04:54,206 Whoa, we totally could do that. Hey, Pete, 130 00:04:54,337 --> 00:04:56,948 Pete, listen, you pick a character and I'll DM, 131 00:04:57,079 --> 00:04:59,908 and then Sam... Sam, all you have to do 132 00:05:00,038 --> 00:05:01,320 is translate, like you're doing right now. 133 00:05:01,344 --> 00:05:03,085 I love this idea! Oh, no, no, no. 134 00:05:03,215 --> 00:05:04,739 I mean, I love you, obviously, 135 00:05:04,869 --> 00:05:06,064 but fantasy role-playing games 136 00:05:06,088 --> 00:05:07,916 are at the far end of that affection. 137 00:05:08,046 --> 00:05:09,918 Yeah. Okay, cool. 138 00:05:10,048 --> 00:05:12,094 All my best friends just broke up with me, 139 00:05:12,224 --> 00:05:13,791 but, uh, I can see 140 00:05:13,922 --> 00:05:17,360 that playing a game is... is too big of an ask. 141 00:05:18,405 --> 00:05:19,493 Okay, we can play tonight. 142 00:05:19,623 --> 00:05:21,799 Yes! Oh! 143 00:05:21,930 --> 00:05:23,366 Pete, saddle up, baby! 144 00:05:23,497 --> 00:05:25,281 Oh, no. Whoo! 145 00:05:25,412 --> 00:05:27,936 Tonight we ride! Rrroo! 146 00:05:28,066 --> 00:05:29,807 We demand parley 147 00:05:29,938 --> 00:05:31,418 at once! 148 00:05:31,548 --> 00:05:32,767 Ugh, these fools. 149 00:05:32,897 --> 00:05:34,899 Oh, boy. What's going on here? Aah! 150 00:05:35,030 --> 00:05:35,813 She cansee us. 151 00:05:35,944 --> 00:05:37,902 My God, 152 00:05:38,033 --> 00:05:40,272 what foul deal with the devil hath provoked such a power? 153 00:05:40,296 --> 00:05:42,167 She fell down the stairs, and when she woke up 154 00:05:42,298 --> 00:05:44,169 she could talk to ghosts and animals. 155 00:05:44,300 --> 00:05:46,781 Uh, no. I'm not sure where she got the animals thing. 156 00:05:46,911 --> 00:05:47,956 But I'm Samantha. Hi. 157 00:05:48,086 --> 00:05:49,479 Lieutenant-Colonel Nigel Chessum. 158 00:05:49,610 --> 00:05:52,569 I've come to discuss the unprovoked attack 159 00:05:52,700 --> 00:05:54,136 - on our land. - I don't know 160 00:05:54,266 --> 00:05:55,442 if I'd say this is your land. 161 00:05:55,572 --> 00:05:56,660 Yeah, give 'em hell, Sass! 162 00:05:56,791 --> 00:05:57,879 USA! 163 00:05:58,009 --> 00:05:59,924 USA! Are you talking about the door? 164 00:06:00,055 --> 00:06:03,232 This is about dignity and decorum and... 165 00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:04,929 Yes, the door. 166 00:06:05,060 --> 00:06:06,864 We want it put back, and we won't accept anything less. 167 00:06:06,888 --> 00:06:09,064 Sam? 168 00:06:09,194 --> 00:06:12,197 Have you seen my yellow Decepticons shirt? 169 00:06:12,328 --> 00:06:13,528 Oh, I think it's in the dryer. 170 00:06:13,590 --> 00:06:14,896 Uh-uh, I checked. 171 00:06:15,026 --> 00:06:16,177 I'll come help you in a sec. I'm just dealing 172 00:06:16,201 --> 00:06:18,241 with some British ghosts from the Revolutionary War. 173 00:06:18,290 --> 00:06:19,553 Okay. I'll check the hamper. 174 00:06:20,597 --> 00:06:22,730 Sorry, you were saying? 175 00:06:22,860 --> 00:06:25,472 Our barracks. This affront shall not go un... 176 00:06:25,602 --> 00:06:26,864 Oh, fine, I'll-I'll do it. 177 00:06:26,995 --> 00:06:27,996 Pardon? 178 00:06:28,126 --> 00:06:29,606 I'll tell the contractor 179 00:06:29,737 --> 00:06:30,931 to put the door back on. Anything else? 180 00:06:30,955 --> 00:06:34,437 Oh. Um, I... 181 00:06:34,568 --> 00:06:37,745 had sort of a lengthy diatribe planned, but, uh, splendid. 182 00:06:37,875 --> 00:06:38,746 Well, 183 00:06:38,876 --> 00:06:39,897 shall we get out of here, sir? 184 00:06:39,921 --> 00:06:41,618 Oh, yes. 185 00:06:41,749 --> 00:06:43,881 I suppose there's no reason to linger. 186 00:06:44,012 --> 00:06:45,927 No other reason I can think of. 187 00:06:46,057 --> 00:06:48,146 Sam, I believe that shirt that Jay's looking for 188 00:06:48,277 --> 00:06:50,584 is in the hallway closet upstairs... 189 00:06:53,195 --> 00:06:54,849 Lieutenant-Colonel Chessum. 190 00:06:54,979 --> 00:06:57,025 Captain Higgintoot. 191 00:06:57,155 --> 00:06:59,244 What, um... what fortune prompts 192 00:06:59,375 --> 00:07:01,551 such an unexpec... pected visit? 193 00:07:01,682 --> 00:07:04,859 A... trivial matter, now concluded. 194 00:07:04,989 --> 00:07:06,513 Hmm.I... 195 00:07:06,643 --> 00:07:08,340 do hope my presence, though unexpected, 196 00:07:08,471 --> 00:07:10,386 is not entirely unpleasant. 197 00:07:10,517 --> 00:07:12,693 Oh, no, I think it's fair to say 198 00:07:12,823 --> 00:07:15,522 that your presence is the furthest thing from unpleasant. 199 00:07:15,652 --> 00:07:17,045 Okay, am I nuts, or is there, like, 200 00:07:17,175 --> 00:07:18,829 crazy chemistry between these two? 201 00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:20,831 This has been going on for centuries. 202 00:07:20,962 --> 00:07:23,443 Every year they find some reason to "redraw the border" 203 00:07:23,573 --> 00:07:25,290 or "extend the truce," and neither one of them 204 00:07:25,314 --> 00:07:27,055 ever makes a move.Mm. 205 00:07:27,185 --> 00:07:28,360 Well, I, uh, suppose 206 00:07:28,491 --> 00:07:30,537 I shall bid you adieu. 207 00:07:30,667 --> 00:07:33,365 Yes, yes, and I shall bid adieu to you. 208 00:07:33,496 --> 00:07:34,496 Oh. 209 00:07:34,541 --> 00:07:35,933 What a droll little rhyme. 210 00:07:36,064 --> 00:07:37,239 Oh! 211 00:07:39,328 --> 00:07:40,808 Splendid. 212 00:07:40,938 --> 00:07:42,505 Well... 213 00:07:42,636 --> 00:07:45,769 I guess I'm not going to fife myself out, am I? 214 00:07:45,900 --> 00:07:47,075 Oh, no. 215 00:07:47,205 --> 00:07:48,555 Baxter? 216 00:07:58,608 --> 00:08:01,176 Well, back to the closet. What? 217 00:08:01,306 --> 00:08:02,743 To look for Jay's shirt. 218 00:08:02,873 --> 00:08:05,397 Right. 219 00:08:05,528 --> 00:08:08,444 You cross the icy river 220 00:08:08,575 --> 00:08:12,361 only to find what nightmares lurk on the other side. 221 00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:14,406 From forth the darkness of the cave 222 00:08:14,537 --> 00:08:17,714 emerges an abominable yeti! 223 00:08:17,845 --> 00:08:19,237 Ha-ha-ha! 224 00:08:19,368 --> 00:08:20,978 Oh, not good. 225 00:08:21,109 --> 00:08:22,739 We probably should have taken the mountain pass. 226 00:08:22,763 --> 00:08:25,026 Pete says they should have taken the mountain pass.Yeah. 227 00:08:25,156 --> 00:08:27,463 That's what we get for accepting a map from a Frost Giant. 228 00:08:27,594 --> 00:08:29,639 Sass is second-guessing the Frost Giant. 229 00:08:29,770 --> 00:08:31,293 Well, I'm not messing with a yeti. 230 00:08:31,423 --> 00:08:32,583 I'm getting back in the boat. 231 00:08:32,642 --> 00:08:34,185 And Alberta wants to get back in the boat. 232 00:08:34,209 --> 00:08:35,863 Ooh, unfortunately, 233 00:08:35,993 --> 00:08:37,255 you turn around to see 234 00:08:37,386 --> 00:08:38,822 that the boat has sunk 235 00:08:38,953 --> 00:08:40,084 into the icy river. 236 00:08:40,215 --> 00:08:42,043 Oh.Escape... 237 00:08:42,173 --> 00:08:43,958 is no longer an option. 238 00:08:44,088 --> 00:08:46,874 Well, then combat it is. 239 00:08:47,004 --> 00:08:49,354 Sam, please tell Jay that Gelvin Monkspear II 240 00:08:49,485 --> 00:08:51,487 has unsheathed his sword. 241 00:08:53,358 --> 00:08:56,405 - Sam? A little focus? - We're about to be devoured 242 00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:57,776 by a ferocious beast over here. 243 00:08:57,841 --> 00:08:59,756 Right. Sorry, it's just, it's been a few hours. 244 00:08:59,887 --> 00:09:01,628 So is the game almost done? 245 00:09:01,758 --> 00:09:04,805 Well, I mean, this particular session could be close to done. 246 00:09:04,935 --> 00:09:05,719 This session? 247 00:09:05,849 --> 00:09:07,634 What do you mean? Doesn't somebody win 248 00:09:07,764 --> 00:09:09,070 and then, like, we're done? 249 00:09:09,810 --> 00:09:10,811 No. 250 00:09:10,941 --> 00:09:12,377 This isn't Candy Land, Sam. 251 00:09:12,508 --> 00:09:13,508 Dungeons & Dragons 252 00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:15,685 is not a game that just ends in one night. 253 00:09:15,816 --> 00:09:17,992 Every campaign is a multi-chaptered quest. 254 00:09:18,122 --> 00:09:20,298 They could last months or even years. 255 00:09:20,429 --> 00:09:21,648 Years? 256 00:09:21,778 --> 00:09:22,898 That's what makes it so fun. 257 00:09:22,953 --> 00:09:24,085 Now, where were we 258 00:09:24,215 --> 00:09:25,826 with that yeti? 259 00:09:25,956 --> 00:09:28,568 A little too close for comfort, I'd say. 260 00:09:28,698 --> 00:09:31,222 Repeat that for Jay. I think he'd get a kick out of it. 261 00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:34,965 How about those Brits stopping by, hmm? 262 00:09:35,096 --> 00:09:37,315 Probably won't have to see them for another few years. 263 00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:42,582 Uh, I have to say, though, that... 264 00:09:42,712 --> 00:09:45,541 that Nigel fellow seems like a really good guy. 265 00:09:45,672 --> 00:09:49,589 Oh, well, can't say I agree with his politics, but, uh... 266 00:09:49,719 --> 00:09:51,634 he's a man of honor. Interesting, 267 00:09:51,765 --> 00:09:54,332 because you're also kind of a man of honor. 268 00:09:55,682 --> 00:09:57,814 Well, the truth is, is that there's a secret 269 00:09:57,945 --> 00:09:59,990 that I've been keeping from Nigel, 270 00:10:00,121 --> 00:10:02,340 and to share it would release an immense burden, 271 00:10:02,471 --> 00:10:06,083 but I have a feeling he is not going to take it very well. 272 00:10:06,214 --> 00:10:08,520 Okay, I hear you, but there's also a chance 273 00:10:08,651 --> 00:10:11,021 that something that seemed so unthinkable all those years ago 274 00:10:11,045 --> 00:10:13,264 might not be a big deal now. 275 00:10:14,309 --> 00:10:15,309 You're right. 276 00:10:15,397 --> 00:10:17,181 What am I so afraid of? 277 00:10:17,312 --> 00:10:18,966 I'm gonna do it. 278 00:10:19,096 --> 00:10:21,229 Really? You'll talk to him? 279 00:10:21,359 --> 00:10:23,710 Uh-huh. I'm gonna do it. 280 00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:25,059 Oh, I'm so proud of you. 281 00:10:25,189 --> 00:10:26,190 What do I wear? 282 00:10:26,321 --> 00:10:29,541 Wait, no, can't change, so itchy shirt it is. 283 00:10:30,586 --> 00:10:32,501 Break a leg! 284 00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,590 Man... 285 00:10:34,721 --> 00:10:37,027 we were up so late last night, huh? Were we? 286 00:10:37,158 --> 00:10:39,682 Gosh, I was having so much fun, I didn't notice. 287 00:10:39,813 --> 00:10:41,162 I could have gone all night. 288 00:10:41,292 --> 00:10:42,032 You want to know what my favorite part was? 289 00:10:42,163 --> 00:10:44,426 It was just getting to know the ghosts a little bit. 290 00:10:44,556 --> 00:10:45,645 Pete? Are you kidding me? 291 00:10:45,775 --> 00:10:47,821 That guy is great. I didn't think anyone knew more 292 00:10:47,951 --> 00:10:49,231 about '80s basketball than I did. 293 00:10:49,257 --> 00:10:52,521 Well, early '80s, and then... 294 00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,972 You know, if we're gonna get to the fortress any time soon, 295 00:10:55,089 --> 00:10:56,806 we're gonna have to play a few times a week, 296 00:10:56,830 --> 00:10:57,894 at least. And each of those sessions 297 00:10:57,918 --> 00:10:59,397 would last about...? Not long. 298 00:10:59,528 --> 00:11:02,009 Five, six hours.Wow. 299 00:11:02,139 --> 00:11:03,924 Well, let me check my schedule. Available. 300 00:11:04,054 --> 00:11:06,317 And that could go on for potentially years? 301 00:11:06,448 --> 00:11:07,536 Yeah. 302 00:11:09,016 --> 00:11:12,889 Jay, I don't know exactly how to tell you this, but... 303 00:11:13,020 --> 00:11:15,283 the ghosts don't want to play with you anymore. 304 00:11:15,413 --> 00:11:16,893 Whaaat? What? 305 00:11:17,024 --> 00:11:18,503 I know. I'm sorry. 306 00:11:18,634 --> 00:11:20,680 But I thought they had fun. 307 00:11:20,810 --> 00:11:22,682 We did have fun. What are you doing, Sam? 308 00:11:22,812 --> 00:11:24,092 Well, I guess that not being able 309 00:11:24,205 --> 00:11:26,120 to move the pieces or roll... 310 00:11:26,250 --> 00:11:27,967 Some of them just got a little bored. Bored? 311 00:11:27,991 --> 00:11:28,862 That's not true. 312 00:11:28,992 --> 00:11:30,143 Okay. Yes, it's disappointing. 313 00:11:30,167 --> 00:11:31,952 I'm upset, too. I... 314 00:11:32,082 --> 00:11:35,477 I love this game! Those darn ghosts! 315 00:11:35,607 --> 00:11:37,498 Well, if they didn't like it, then... they didn't like it. 316 00:11:37,522 --> 00:11:39,002 We loved it. 317 00:11:39,133 --> 00:11:41,048 Liar! Huh. 318 00:11:41,178 --> 00:11:42,963 I guess I'll just put all this away, then. 319 00:11:43,093 --> 00:11:44,201 You know, maybe we could watch 320 00:11:44,225 --> 00:11:45,313 a movie later. 321 00:11:45,443 --> 00:11:46,880 Yeah. 322 00:11:47,010 --> 00:11:48,925 Sure, that sounds fun. 323 00:11:49,056 --> 00:11:50,056 Hmm. 324 00:11:52,102 --> 00:11:54,017 And I thought the mindflayer 325 00:11:54,148 --> 00:11:56,454 would be the greatest monster I'd encounter this week. 326 00:11:57,804 --> 00:12:00,154 Or the gelatinous cube. That one was tough, too. 327 00:12:06,943 --> 00:12:08,684 So she just straight-up lied to him? 328 00:12:08,815 --> 00:12:10,009 Like it was nothing. We have to fix this. 329 00:12:10,033 --> 00:12:11,556 Last night was so fun, 330 00:12:11,687 --> 00:12:12,795 and I don't know if you've noticed, 331 00:12:12,819 --> 00:12:14,013 but we don't have a ton going on here. 332 00:12:14,037 --> 00:12:15,275 Yeah, I just wish there was a way 333 00:12:15,299 --> 00:12:17,339 we could talk to Jay directly and set this straight. 334 00:12:17,388 --> 00:12:19,062 If only there was some way we could get a message 335 00:12:19,086 --> 00:12:21,001 across the celestial plane. 336 00:12:24,613 --> 00:12:26,615 I think I have an idea. 337 00:12:27,659 --> 00:12:30,750 Uh, perhaps we discuss 338 00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:33,448 whatever it is you... wanted to talk about. 339 00:12:33,578 --> 00:12:36,625 Well, well, the truth is, is it's quite personal, 340 00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:39,367 and I've been keeping a secret from you 341 00:12:39,497 --> 00:12:42,718 for, oh, 250 years. 342 00:12:42,849 --> 00:12:44,372 Oh? I'm just really nervous 343 00:12:44,502 --> 00:12:45,808 about how you're gonna take it. 344 00:12:45,939 --> 00:12:46,939 Well, I... 345 00:12:47,027 --> 00:12:48,985 think I might take it... 346 00:12:49,116 --> 00:12:51,074 just fine. 347 00:12:51,205 --> 00:12:52,989 Really? 348 00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:54,599 Oh. 349 00:12:54,730 --> 00:12:57,124 All right, here it goes. 350 00:12:57,254 --> 00:12:58,386 Nigel? 351 00:12:58,516 --> 00:13:00,344 Yes, Isaac? 352 00:13:00,475 --> 00:13:02,999 I killed you. 353 00:13:05,088 --> 00:13:06,088 Excuse me?! 354 00:13:11,442 --> 00:13:13,314 Hello, Officer. 355 00:13:18,972 --> 00:13:19,972 Oh, boy. 356 00:13:20,060 --> 00:13:21,670 Are you telling me 357 00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:24,455 the cowardly sniper that took my life was you? 358 00:13:24,586 --> 00:13:27,545 Well, th-that was not at all my intention. 359 00:13:27,676 --> 00:13:29,852 To have murdered in cold blood 360 00:13:29,983 --> 00:13:31,462 a fellow officer! 361 00:13:31,593 --> 00:13:32,593 My hope was to apologize. 362 00:13:32,637 --> 00:13:34,901 I've had enough of this. 363 00:13:35,031 --> 00:13:36,250 Uh... 364 00:13:36,380 --> 00:13:37,425 Baxter? 365 00:13:39,079 --> 00:13:41,429 Oh, God. 366 00:13:46,913 --> 00:13:48,740 All right, no Sam in sight. 367 00:13:48,871 --> 00:13:50,307 Hurry up and do your thing. 368 00:14:01,057 --> 00:14:03,190 Just a little faster, buddy. 369 00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:04,669 I think Jay's rinsing off. 370 00:14:12,895 --> 00:14:15,680 Lied about what? 371 00:14:15,811 --> 00:14:17,857 Seriously, dude, this is gonna kill me. 372 00:14:17,987 --> 00:14:19,249 We've come too far, man. 373 00:14:19,380 --> 00:14:20,642 Fine. 374 00:14:26,996 --> 00:14:28,432 Hey, babe. 375 00:14:28,563 --> 00:14:30,086 Got a better Internet connection, 376 00:14:30,217 --> 00:14:32,567 so now I can play D&D with my boys in the city. 377 00:14:32,697 --> 00:14:34,656 That's amazing. Yeah, and even better, 378 00:14:34,786 --> 00:14:36,701 one of the guys had to drop out, 379 00:14:36,832 --> 00:14:38,355 so there's room for you 380 00:14:38,486 --> 00:14:39,574 to join permanently. 381 00:14:39,704 --> 00:14:42,055 No way. Super cool, huh? 382 00:14:42,185 --> 00:14:43,946 'Cause I know how much you love playing the game, 383 00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:46,886 because that's what you told me. 384 00:14:48,670 --> 00:14:50,367 I know you lied! 385 00:14:50,498 --> 00:14:52,369 But how? No, I didn't! Uh-huh! 386 00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:54,130 The ghosts told me. And it was genuinely haunting. 387 00:14:54,154 --> 00:14:55,807 I was in the shower, I was nude, 388 00:14:55,938 --> 00:14:57,658 and then letters just appeared in the steam! 389 00:14:57,722 --> 00:14:59,376 Trevor. The ghost 390 00:14:59,507 --> 00:15:01,291 without pants is watching me shower? 391 00:15:01,422 --> 00:15:02,466 Gotta love that. 392 00:15:02,597 --> 00:15:04,599 Sam, why did you lie to me? 393 00:15:04,729 --> 00:15:06,601 I wanted to help you play with the ghosts, 394 00:15:06,731 --> 00:15:08,472 but I really don't like your favorite game. 395 00:15:08,603 --> 00:15:09,996 Why didn't you just tell me? 396 00:15:10,126 --> 00:15:11,606 Because I didn't want to upset you. 397 00:15:11,736 --> 00:15:14,348 And it just seemed easier to blame the ghosts. I don't care 398 00:15:14,478 --> 00:15:16,306 if you like playing the game or not, okay? 399 00:15:16,437 --> 00:15:18,308 Objectively, you should, because it's awesome. 400 00:15:18,439 --> 00:15:21,007 But honestly, I just miss my friends. 401 00:15:21,137 --> 00:15:23,313 I know. And you have this whole group of people 402 00:15:23,444 --> 00:15:25,489 that-that you can talk to that I can't even see. 403 00:15:25,620 --> 00:15:27,700 So the other night when we were all playing together, 404 00:15:27,796 --> 00:15:29,841 I actually felt like I was part of the gang. 405 00:15:31,408 --> 00:15:34,324 - The British are coming! - The British are coming! 406 00:15:34,455 --> 00:15:35,847 I do hear you. 407 00:15:39,460 --> 00:15:42,332 So I guess things with Nigel didn't go so great, huh? 408 00:15:42,463 --> 00:15:44,421 No, Sam, they didn't. 409 00:15:44,552 --> 00:15:49,339 It has come to my attention that I, an officer 410 00:15:49,470 --> 00:15:50,490 in His Majesty's Armed Forces, 411 00:15:50,514 --> 00:15:52,212 was murdered 412 00:15:52,342 --> 00:15:55,476 by the shameful American war criminal Isaac Higgintoot. 413 00:15:55,606 --> 00:15:58,131 Wait, that was the secret? 414 00:15:58,261 --> 00:16:00,542 This horrifying breach of decorum shall not go unpunished. 415 00:16:00,568 --> 00:16:02,265 We are taking the house. 416 00:16:02,396 --> 00:16:04,180 Well... 417 00:16:04,311 --> 00:16:08,271 if you insist that the time for words has passed... 418 00:16:08,402 --> 00:16:09,664 Just coming through... 419 00:16:09,794 --> 00:16:14,190 Then, no matter the cost in blood or treasure, 420 00:16:14,321 --> 00:16:19,108 my army and I will defend this house to the bitter end. 421 00:16:20,936 --> 00:16:23,373 If it's war you want... 422 00:16:23,504 --> 00:16:25,723 then war you shall have. 423 00:16:25,854 --> 00:16:27,899 So be it. 424 00:16:28,030 --> 00:16:29,030 It's time for battle! 425 00:16:30,815 --> 00:16:31,815 Oh! 426 00:16:34,819 --> 00:16:36,343 Get out of here. 427 00:16:36,473 --> 00:16:39,650 This is the war? I'm a pacifist, 428 00:16:39,781 --> 00:16:42,001 but even I would like to see a little more action. 429 00:16:43,306 --> 00:16:45,526 Oh! Damn this impotent existence! 430 00:16:45,656 --> 00:16:47,658 If I was alive, I would wipe you and your boys 431 00:16:47,789 --> 00:16:49,138 off the face of the earth. 432 00:16:49,269 --> 00:16:50,855 No, you wouldn't. You'd shoot me in the chest 433 00:16:50,879 --> 00:16:51,943 while I was reading my poems! 434 00:16:51,967 --> 00:16:54,448 Oh, wait. You already did that. 435 00:16:54,578 --> 00:16:55,710 Well. 436 00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:57,494 If we can't fight, 437 00:16:57,625 --> 00:17:00,236 then how the hell do we resolve this invasion, hmm? 438 00:17:00,367 --> 00:17:04,284 If only there were some way to simulate actual combat. 439 00:17:05,328 --> 00:17:06,764 What? 440 00:17:08,244 --> 00:17:10,464 Damn it, I may have the solution. 441 00:17:11,813 --> 00:17:14,120 Okay, I don't really understand what's happening here, 442 00:17:14,250 --> 00:17:15,947 but I'd just like to say for the record, 443 00:17:16,078 --> 00:17:19,212 I am happy to solve all future ghost conflicts this way. 444 00:17:19,342 --> 00:17:21,518 Okay, Pete, you are now face-to-face with... 445 00:17:21,649 --> 00:17:23,042 Who's that guy? Oh, Jenkins. 446 00:17:23,172 --> 00:17:24,323 That's one of the British ghosts. 447 00:17:24,347 --> 00:17:25,957 Okay, you find yourself face-to-face 448 00:17:26,088 --> 00:17:27,959 with Jenkins' tiefling bard. 449 00:17:28,090 --> 00:17:31,093 Okay. Well, then I unsheathe my moonblade 450 00:17:31,224 --> 00:17:33,617 and whisper the phrase "swift defeat to my enemies," 451 00:17:33,748 --> 00:17:35,880 thus marking him as a sworn enemy, and giving myself 452 00:17:36,011 --> 00:17:37,795 an extra 3d6 damage. 453 00:17:37,926 --> 00:17:39,841 Gadzooks, this is boring. 454 00:17:39,971 --> 00:17:41,538 Why would anyone play this? 455 00:17:41,669 --> 00:17:43,323 Okay. This is silly. 456 00:17:43,453 --> 00:17:45,107 Nigel, 457 00:17:45,238 --> 00:17:47,544 my killing you was an accident, 458 00:17:47,675 --> 00:17:49,740 but not telling you about it for the last two centuries, 459 00:17:49,764 --> 00:17:51,722 that was just plain wrong. 460 00:17:51,853 --> 00:17:54,899 And for that I'm truly sorry. 461 00:17:56,249 --> 00:17:58,555 Why didn't you just say something? 462 00:17:58,686 --> 00:18:00,818 I-I was afraid you'd be mad. 463 00:18:00,949 --> 00:18:02,255 Oh... 464 00:18:02,385 --> 00:18:04,474 Isaac and the British commander are making up. 465 00:18:04,605 --> 00:18:06,650 Aw, that's nice. What did Isaac do? 466 00:18:06,781 --> 00:18:09,697 He murdered him. Ooh, that is hard to bounce back from. 467 00:18:09,827 --> 00:18:12,569 I can see why that might be a hard subject to broach, but... 468 00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:15,616 how does one even accidentally shoot another? 469 00:18:15,746 --> 00:18:16,965 Well... 470 00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:21,100 I-I was really intending to spy on you-ur camp, 471 00:18:21,230 --> 00:18:24,233 using a musket looking glass that I had invented. 472 00:18:24,364 --> 00:18:26,931 Some people are calling it the "Eyesaac." 473 00:18:27,062 --> 00:18:28,498 Like your name? But with... 474 00:18:28,629 --> 00:18:29,630 E-Y-E at the beginning? 475 00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:32,633 Yes. How did you know? Well, 476 00:18:32,763 --> 00:18:33,764 what else would it be? 477 00:18:33,895 --> 00:18:35,375 Simply brilliant. 478 00:18:35,505 --> 00:18:37,246 I love it. 479 00:18:37,377 --> 00:18:38,682 I mean... 480 00:18:38,813 --> 00:18:40,554 for an instrument of my demise. 481 00:18:40,684 --> 00:18:42,251 And I love you... 482 00:18:43,774 --> 00:18:44,862 loving it. 483 00:18:44,993 --> 00:18:46,647 I love you loving it. 484 00:18:46,777 --> 00:18:49,954 We shall consider the matter water under the bridge. 485 00:18:50,085 --> 00:18:52,522 The invasion is cancelled. 486 00:18:52,653 --> 00:18:54,848 But we can keep playing, right? Yeah. Mama has a fourth-level spell slot 487 00:18:54,872 --> 00:18:56,352 she's itching to use. 488 00:18:56,483 --> 00:18:57,483 Thank you 489 00:18:57,527 --> 00:18:59,355 for your gracious hospitality. 490 00:19:00,530 --> 00:19:02,271 Until we next parley. 491 00:19:03,533 --> 00:19:04,839 Baxter? 492 00:19:09,365 --> 00:19:10,366 A-About that, 493 00:19:10,497 --> 00:19:12,803 maybe it would help keep the peace 494 00:19:12,934 --> 00:19:14,675 if we, um... 495 00:19:14,805 --> 00:19:16,416 parleyed more often. 496 00:19:17,765 --> 00:19:19,114 Interesting. 497 00:19:19,245 --> 00:19:21,943 Perhaps, say, we could walk the grounds sometime 498 00:19:22,073 --> 00:19:23,988 to discuss the peace... 499 00:19:24,119 --> 00:19:26,339 among other matters. 500 00:19:27,340 --> 00:19:29,298 I'm... actually not... 501 00:19:29,429 --> 00:19:31,170 doing anything right now. 502 00:19:31,300 --> 00:19:32,823 Oh, uh, s... 503 00:19:32,954 --> 00:19:34,303 splendid. 504 00:19:34,434 --> 00:19:35,478 To the grounds. 505 00:19:40,657 --> 00:19:42,398 Uh, as you were, Baxter. 506 00:19:43,660 --> 00:19:45,445 Stand down. 507 00:19:49,318 --> 00:19:51,581 Okey dokey, conflict resolved. 508 00:19:51,712 --> 00:19:53,559 Cool. All right, well, I guess we're done playing, then. 509 00:19:53,583 --> 00:19:56,325 No. Jay, D&D is not one of those games 510 00:19:56,456 --> 00:19:58,371 that's just done in an hour. 511 00:19:58,501 --> 00:20:00,373 It's a rich, multi-chaptered campaign. 512 00:20:00,503 --> 00:20:02,418 It could last for months. 513 00:20:02,549 --> 00:20:03,593 Are you serious? 514 00:20:03,724 --> 00:20:04,918 Do you really want to keep playing? 515 00:20:04,942 --> 00:20:06,248 No. 516 00:20:06,379 --> 00:20:07,902 But I will, for you. 517 00:20:08,032 --> 00:20:09,382 Aw. 518 00:20:09,512 --> 00:20:10,948 Good. 'Cause I joined that book club 519 00:20:11,079 --> 00:20:12,079 last year for you. 520 00:20:12,167 --> 00:20:13,607 All right, let's roll for initiative! 521 00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:16,302 All right! 20! 522 00:20:27,356 --> 00:20:29,402 Come on. Guys, we're not doing this. 523 00:20:29,532 --> 00:20:31,534 This is not the new system. 524 00:20:31,665 --> 00:20:32,772 I really want to smell some pepperoni. 525 00:20:32,796 --> 00:20:34,513 There is no way that I'm writing "pepperoni." 526 00:20:34,537 --> 00:20:35,537 Seriously, 527 00:20:35,582 --> 00:20:36,800 this is super creepy! 528 00:20:36,931 --> 00:20:38,324 Are you guys 529 00:20:38,454 --> 00:20:40,369 still in here? Please leave. 530 00:20:45,896 --> 00:20:47,768 Captioning sponsored by CBS 531 00:20:47,898 --> 00:20:50,058 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org