1 00:00:50,380 --> 00:00:51,529 Dear Brothers. 2 00:00:53,380 --> 00:00:56,611 We are gathered here today 3 00:00:56,820 --> 00:01:03,293 in the Convent of the Order of the Barefoot Snail-hunters. 4 00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:12,929 Today's sermon will deal with the word of the Lord. 5 00:01:21,060 --> 00:01:23,415 And I saw the light, 6 00:01:24,820 --> 00:01:29,018 and the light was hardly even a moped headlight. 7 00:01:30,180 --> 00:01:34,219 Nor was it the Lord, for the Lord doesn't need headlights, 8 00:01:34,420 --> 00:01:35,899 or streetlamps, or even hazard lights. 9 00:01:36,420 --> 00:01:40,333 In the Kingdom of the Lord, there is neither day nor night. 10 00:01:41,020 --> 00:01:44,057 It is always midday and everyone's always eating. 11 00:01:44,820 --> 00:01:47,334 And that little twerp of a demon is there in a corner, 12 00:01:47,500 --> 00:01:51,129 getting stones thrown in his face and eating the leftovers. 13 00:01:51,940 --> 00:01:54,295 And may God free us 14 00:01:54,580 --> 00:01:57,856 of the Romanians repairing the roof of our church, 15 00:01:58,020 --> 00:02:00,250 putting the roof tiles on backwards, all fucked up, 16 00:02:00,460 --> 00:02:02,052 so they fall when the wind blows just like in their country, 17 00:02:02,500 --> 00:02:07,574 Bulgaria or Moldavia, let me tell ya, fella... 18 00:02:08,980 --> 00:02:10,572 And may this government of morons 19 00:02:10,780 --> 00:02:12,691 put an end to corruption once and for all, 20 00:02:12,980 --> 00:02:15,335 even if they have to bribe someone to do so, 21 00:02:15,900 --> 00:02:17,777 since that what we all pay taxes for. 22 00:02:40,700 --> 00:02:45,012 And may there be decent public transport 23 00:02:45,420 --> 00:02:47,376 in this crap old country, 24 00:02:47,740 --> 00:02:49,412 where there shouldn't even be roads 25 00:02:49,580 --> 00:02:51,138 because all the drivers are a bunch of murderers, 26 00:02:51,500 --> 00:02:52,489 as are the doctors, 27 00:02:52,660 --> 00:02:54,457 who go on strike in hospitals 28 00:02:54,620 --> 00:02:57,009 with some guy lying there with his guts hanging out 29 00:02:57,220 --> 00:02:59,370 and his appendix dancing a jig. 30 00:03:00,460 --> 00:03:01,415 And while we're at it, 31 00:03:01,580 --> 00:03:05,732 we should burn down the courts and the law schools. 32 00:03:06,860 --> 00:03:08,179 These are the wishes of the Lord. 33 00:03:08,580 --> 00:03:09,535 Amen. 34 00:03:17,940 --> 00:03:19,658 Amen. Let me tell ya. 35 00:03:19,980 --> 00:03:20,935 Amen. 36 00:03:29,740 --> 00:03:32,777 Well goddamn if it isn't... my old Tonimobile. 37 00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:35,495 Now this is one kick ass machine, man. 38 00:03:35,660 --> 00:03:39,369 It's survived psychopathic nuns thrashing on the bodywork 39 00:03:39,700 --> 00:03:42,498 and it discovered the sea passage to Spain. 40 00:03:42,780 --> 00:03:46,216 This is a spaceship right out of "Star Wars". 41 00:03:49,540 --> 00:03:50,689 It's all the shit. 42 00:03:54,420 --> 00:03:58,095 My beloved traffic tickets, what a smell! 43 00:03:58,460 --> 00:03:59,495 All unpaid. 44 00:03:59,700 --> 00:04:02,168 I'm not going to fuck up the collection now, right? 45 00:04:03,180 --> 00:04:07,014 A racecar like this one here in a vacant lot out in the sticks. 46 00:04:07,500 --> 00:04:09,809 And no one came to rip it off? 47 00:04:10,820 --> 00:04:11,775 Miracle. 48 00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:18,854 And if God didn't say so himself, I'd say this here is a miracle. Amen. 49 00:04:25,340 --> 00:04:29,891 Tony, it's great to see you. You look the same. 50 00:04:32,900 --> 00:04:34,128 Jesus fucking Christ, 51 00:04:34,500 --> 00:04:37,253 they built this damn place out in the middle of nowhere. 52 00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:13,054 TRICKSTERS 53 00:06:15,700 --> 00:06:19,534 Easy there Barrabas, leave the cabbages alone! 54 00:06:19,940 --> 00:06:22,579 It's not Barrabas, Zeze, it's Popeye. 55 00:06:23,700 --> 00:06:27,659 Anyway man, tell me, what's become of your life? 56 00:06:27,860 --> 00:06:29,737 It really does seem just like yesterday. 57 00:06:30,060 --> 00:06:37,011 I've been here since... let's see 1979... plus five... 58 00:06:37,500 --> 00:06:38,899 Do the math. 59 00:06:39,140 --> 00:06:41,893 So I've been here for a week. 60 00:06:42,220 --> 00:06:45,098 I can tell; you're much more relaxed. 61 00:06:45,260 --> 00:06:47,137 Tell me about it, I'm much more chilled out. 62 00:06:47,300 --> 00:06:49,894 I'm practically a saint. 63 00:06:51,460 --> 00:06:52,688 Goddamn donkey. 64 00:06:54,100 --> 00:06:55,374 Drop the cabbage! 65 00:06:55,660 --> 00:06:56,729 Poor guy. 66 00:06:57,780 --> 00:07:01,455 And so you, batface, tell me, what the hell are you here for? 67 00:07:02,020 --> 00:07:03,772 Zeze, not out of disgrace of the truth, 68 00:07:04,020 --> 00:07:05,055 I have come here... 69 00:07:05,460 --> 00:07:06,813 Don't tell me! 70 00:07:07,100 --> 00:07:11,378 You cannot live without your friend and guru Zeze. 71 00:07:11,860 --> 00:07:14,090 You're forgiven. You can kiss my hand. 72 00:07:14,420 --> 00:07:17,378 I really don't think so! 73 00:07:17,620 --> 00:07:19,929 Zeze, the thing is that in order to be true to myself 74 00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:22,495 and to you as well, I've come here, Zeze, to... 75 00:07:22,660 --> 00:07:27,256 Wait, I got it. You've come to get your car back. 76 00:07:27,660 --> 00:07:31,619 You can take it, just leave me the hens and the eggs, 77 00:07:31,900 --> 00:07:33,492 'cause here in the countryside we eat lots of eggs... 78 00:07:33,740 --> 00:07:35,458 It's true they are good for strengthening the hair, 79 00:07:35,620 --> 00:07:37,656 they have vitamins and their great for cholesterol. 80 00:07:37,820 --> 00:07:39,572 But what brings me here, Zeze, is... 81 00:07:39,780 --> 00:07:41,133 Wait, now I've got it. 82 00:07:41,740 --> 00:07:45,210 What you want is to join the Order of the Barefoot Snail-hunters. 83 00:07:46,060 --> 00:07:49,257 Brother, unshod yourself, take off your boots... 84 00:07:53,060 --> 00:07:56,973 I really don't think so! The building is old and could fall. 85 00:07:57,140 --> 00:07:58,653 Leave it as it is. Better that way. 86 00:07:58,820 --> 00:08:00,970 Anyway, I might just walk on outta here, no? 87 00:08:01,260 --> 00:08:03,649 It's been wonderful to see you again so healthy, 88 00:08:03,820 --> 00:08:05,048 healthy as a big old oak tree. 89 00:08:05,300 --> 00:08:06,255 Later. 90 00:08:06,460 --> 00:08:07,654 Let me tell ya, fella! 91 00:08:07,860 --> 00:08:09,452 Toni, Toni, it seems to me 92 00:08:09,660 --> 00:08:12,049 you have not told me what it is that's afflicting you. 93 00:08:12,220 --> 00:08:13,812 You can tell me everything. 94 00:08:14,020 --> 00:08:17,012 I am a man of the church. I am here to listen. 95 00:08:17,260 --> 00:08:20,332 To listen? Look how you've changed. 96 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,695 If I'd have known, I'd have brought my guitar. 97 00:08:22,900 --> 00:08:24,413 No, calm down. It's not worth it. 98 00:08:24,660 --> 00:08:26,457 If you want, I'll play a song for you. 99 00:08:26,620 --> 00:08:27,575 Relax. 100 00:08:27,740 --> 00:08:29,059 It's no bother at all. 101 00:08:29,460 --> 00:08:30,939 But to me it is. 102 00:08:32,260 --> 00:08:35,570 Look, why don't you just tell me why you've come. 103 00:08:36,300 --> 00:08:40,498 Zeze, before coming here to preach to the corn, 104 00:08:40,780 --> 00:08:42,930 you told me something 105 00:08:43,220 --> 00:08:45,051 that has been knocking around in my head 106 00:08:45,220 --> 00:08:46,175 all this time. 107 00:08:46,340 --> 00:08:48,854 Listen, you can confide in me. 108 00:08:49,140 --> 00:08:51,654 I'm a priest and a priest is like a father. 109 00:08:51,860 --> 00:08:55,569 Bingo. I have to ask you about my father. 110 00:08:55,860 --> 00:09:00,809 I thought so. Don't you see I'm enlightened? 111 00:09:01,100 --> 00:09:04,536 And when I go to the mountain, I speak with God, 112 00:09:04,820 --> 00:09:06,173 in dreams of course. 113 00:09:06,340 --> 00:09:09,412 And afterwards I come down the hill to preach the truth... 114 00:09:09,700 --> 00:09:13,852 Jesus. You're outta your mind. I'd better get going. 115 00:09:14,300 --> 00:09:17,133 Let go of me! Let me go! 116 00:09:18,140 --> 00:09:22,053 Good God. You're off your head. 117 00:09:23,220 --> 00:09:25,336 Outta your head I say. Let me tell ya, fella! 118 00:09:25,540 --> 00:09:26,814 Four months earlier Hold it right there, cheeseface! 119 00:09:27,060 --> 00:09:28,413 If you don't want another round willingly, 120 00:09:28,580 --> 00:09:29,535 we'll have to do it the hard way. 121 00:09:29,700 --> 00:09:30,655 Let's let fate decide. 122 00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:33,573 Heads or tails. Heads you win, tails, one of us. 123 00:09:33,780 --> 00:09:34,815 What if the coin lands on its side? 124 00:09:35,100 --> 00:09:36,055 On its side? 125 00:09:36,220 --> 00:09:37,175 It's happened before. 126 00:09:37,340 --> 00:09:38,295 If it lands on its side, 127 00:09:38,460 --> 00:09:40,655 we call the waiter and the problem's solved. 128 00:09:40,820 --> 00:09:41,775 Is it a dealer? 129 00:09:41,980 --> 00:09:42,935 Offshore. 130 00:09:52,660 --> 00:09:53,615 What is it? 131 00:09:53,900 --> 00:09:55,811 Depends. What coin is that? 132 00:09:56,100 --> 00:09:57,055 One euro. 133 00:09:57,260 --> 00:09:58,932 One euro? Then it's heads. 134 00:10:00,860 --> 00:10:02,498 All right, batface, explain that one to me. 135 00:10:02,660 --> 00:10:04,616 How much is one euro worth? 166.386 pesetas, right? 136 00:10:04,820 --> 00:10:06,538 It's goddamn heady coin if I ever saw one. 137 00:10:12,300 --> 00:10:14,689 Zeze, why did you have to go and punch me? 138 00:10:15,500 --> 00:10:18,617 Why did I do it? Why did I do it? 139 00:10:18,780 --> 00:10:19,849 I'm not deaf! 140 00:10:20,140 --> 00:10:21,289 Because the earth is round? 141 00:10:21,620 --> 00:10:22,939 Because the sum of the legs squared 142 00:10:23,140 --> 00:10:25,370 is equal to the square root of the hypotenuse? 143 00:10:25,700 --> 00:10:28,658 Because the needle of a compass always points straight ahead? 144 00:10:28,980 --> 00:10:29,935 The earth is round? 145 00:10:30,100 --> 00:10:31,294 Of course! 146 00:10:31,500 --> 00:10:32,455 What part of it? 147 00:10:32,660 --> 00:10:33,615 The edges. 148 00:10:33,820 --> 00:10:34,889 And where are the edges? 149 00:10:35,340 --> 00:10:37,649 What's with you, man, do I look like a typographer to you? 150 00:10:37,860 --> 00:10:39,213 I don't know, let me get a good look at you. 151 00:10:39,380 --> 00:10:41,211 Goddammit, I'm outta here. What for, but I'm not even sick. 152 00:10:41,460 --> 00:10:42,415 What about me? 153 00:10:43,020 --> 00:10:46,092 You? You're out of it. 154 00:10:46,340 --> 00:10:47,693 If a doctor were to catch you, 155 00:10:47,900 --> 00:10:52,735 he'd put you in a jar of formaldehyde to run experiments on you. 156 00:10:53,580 --> 00:10:55,935 Toni, the mutating aberration. 157 00:10:56,380 --> 00:10:59,213 Coming soon to a theater near you, to an emergency room near you... 158 00:10:59,380 --> 00:11:00,654 Holy fucking shit! 159 00:11:01,260 --> 00:11:03,296 Zeze I just had a wicked idea. 160 00:11:03,580 --> 00:11:04,535 Fuck! 161 00:11:04,820 --> 00:11:07,414 I'm going to ask that gentleman to hold my place in line. 162 00:11:08,340 --> 00:11:15,257 Excuse me sir. If they call my name, could you call me... by my name? 163 00:11:16,140 --> 00:11:17,095 Don't worry. 164 00:11:17,260 --> 00:11:20,570 If they call him, I'll call you so that you can call him, okay? 165 00:11:28,540 --> 00:11:30,417 So then, didn't you hear your name called? 166 00:11:31,740 --> 00:11:32,695 Son of a bitch! 167 00:11:33,100 --> 00:11:34,055 What's happening? 168 00:11:34,220 --> 00:11:35,175 Son of a bitch! 169 00:11:35,420 --> 00:11:37,775 I forgot to tell my name to that dude. 170 00:11:38,380 --> 00:11:40,211 Toni! 171 00:11:44,100 --> 00:11:45,294 Forget it, don't worry. 172 00:11:45,500 --> 00:11:48,094 He doesn't know your name, but with that mace face of yours, 173 00:11:48,300 --> 00:11:49,619 it's hard to even look at you. 174 00:11:57,740 --> 00:11:58,809 So what's it going to be? 175 00:11:59,180 --> 00:12:00,169 Don't even ask. 176 00:12:00,980 --> 00:12:03,448 A calamari sandwich and a glass of wine, please. 177 00:12:04,980 --> 00:12:06,129 And you're not gonna eat anything? 178 00:12:06,380 --> 00:12:07,369 I already ordered. 179 00:12:07,940 --> 00:12:08,975 What about me then? 180 00:12:09,300 --> 00:12:11,768 I asked you what you wanted and you got all pissed. 181 00:12:12,220 --> 00:12:14,336 Cancel that order for this individual please. 182 00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:16,297 Make that two calamari sandwiches and two wines. 183 00:12:16,660 --> 00:12:19,299 Make mine with mayo, please. 184 00:12:19,660 --> 00:12:21,059 What do you mean yours? Did you already order? 185 00:12:21,380 --> 00:12:22,335 No, you did though. 186 00:12:22,500 --> 00:12:23,455 I ordered for me, 187 00:12:23,620 --> 00:12:24,609 if you want to eat, order for yourself. 188 00:12:24,780 --> 00:12:26,611 Goddammit, I ordered for me and you canceled my order. 189 00:12:26,860 --> 00:12:28,259 Of course, because you didn't order for me. 190 00:12:28,420 --> 00:12:31,139 So that's why, is it? Revenge? 191 00:12:31,380 --> 00:12:32,449 So then don't be surprised 192 00:12:32,620 --> 00:12:35,930 if after eating three or four sandwiches a day, 193 00:12:36,180 --> 00:12:38,740 you end up having a Cadillac arrest. 194 00:12:38,900 --> 00:12:42,813 Hold it right there, foul vulture! Don't fuck with me! 195 00:12:42,980 --> 00:12:46,768 You don't like to hear the truth, do ya? You're just like the rest. 196 00:12:47,020 --> 00:12:48,248 What rest? 197 00:12:48,620 --> 00:12:50,133 The rest, of them, everyone, humanity. 198 00:12:50,380 --> 00:12:52,257 They're all as fat as posts. 199 00:12:52,540 --> 00:12:53,893 What do you care, cheese face. 200 00:12:54,180 --> 00:12:56,330 When even the slightest breeze comes along, 201 00:12:56,500 --> 00:12:59,810 your wife has to go pull you down from the church bell tower. 202 00:13:00,020 --> 00:13:03,251 That's it, that's right, Big Toni, Big Toni... 203 00:13:03,900 --> 00:13:06,539 Always blowing it out of proportion. That only happened once. 204 00:13:06,940 --> 00:13:08,498 So what's it going to be then? 205 00:13:08,900 --> 00:13:12,449 When a donkey speaks, my friend, the other one pricks up his ears. 206 00:13:12,860 --> 00:13:14,657 And don't fuck me around, 207 00:13:14,820 --> 00:13:16,617 unless you want me to shove a jar of pickles down your throat. 208 00:13:16,780 --> 00:13:17,735 I beg your pardon? 209 00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:20,177 You're pardoned. 210 00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:21,933 But next time, I'll chop off your balls, 211 00:13:22,100 --> 00:13:23,772 fry them up, and make you eat them. 212 00:13:27,780 --> 00:13:29,008 Let me get this straight, 213 00:13:29,220 --> 00:13:30,619 so you've taken to this all-light bullshit then? 214 00:13:30,900 --> 00:13:31,855 Like it should be. 215 00:13:32,100 --> 00:13:33,419 The whole bio-fatness thing? - Like it should be. 216 00:13:33,580 --> 00:13:35,730 The cardio-active-bifidus business? - Like it should be, Zeze. 217 00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:38,932 I have to be careful about the junk food I ingest. 218 00:13:39,180 --> 00:13:42,058 My body is a holy temple. 219 00:13:42,420 --> 00:13:43,648 Gimme a fucking break! 220 00:13:43,940 --> 00:13:45,498 My grandfather grew up eating 221 00:13:45,660 --> 00:13:47,696 seven plates of hog's feet for breakfast, 222 00:13:47,900 --> 00:13:51,370 with wine so bad it came to the glass in installments. 223 00:13:51,580 --> 00:13:55,050 He rolled up some corn leaf joints and smoked thirty or forty a day. 224 00:13:55,220 --> 00:13:57,051 Every day, twice a day 225 00:13:57,260 --> 00:13:59,455 from the age of three until he was ninety six, 226 00:13:59,700 --> 00:14:03,249 and at ninety four he donated a lung to a 20 year old kid. 227 00:14:03,740 --> 00:14:08,018 That one guy who years later became the goalkeeper for Oporto. 228 00:14:08,220 --> 00:14:09,175 That's it! 229 00:14:09,340 --> 00:14:11,012 Edmilson, the one the crossbeam fell onto 230 00:14:11,260 --> 00:14:12,454 while he was having an asthma attack. 231 00:14:13,700 --> 00:14:15,258 That's the one. 232 00:14:15,940 --> 00:14:17,419 So. Have you decided yet? 233 00:14:17,700 --> 00:14:18,655 Look, could you make it 234 00:14:18,820 --> 00:14:20,492 a calamari sandwich and a glass of wine, please? 235 00:14:20,660 --> 00:14:23,811 That order has been put on stand-bypass. 236 00:14:24,420 --> 00:14:27,332 Yeah, right, so you're preaching about nutritional morals 237 00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:28,933 and now you order a calamari sandwich. 238 00:14:29,380 --> 00:14:31,655 You're right. 239 00:14:32,060 --> 00:14:35,894 Make mine with a leaf of lettuce, but make it a really thin one. 240 00:14:36,140 --> 00:14:37,129 Don't make it with anything, 241 00:14:37,300 --> 00:14:38,449 and if you do, I'll bash your teeth in. 242 00:14:38,620 --> 00:14:39,973 Jesus, Zeze, don't your realize I'm sick? 243 00:14:40,140 --> 00:14:41,095 I don't care. 244 00:14:41,260 --> 00:14:42,739 And I had to go to the ER. 245 00:14:43,020 --> 00:14:43,975 What do you want? 246 00:14:44,260 --> 00:14:47,297 For me to die of a subcutaneous avitaminosis? 247 00:14:49,060 --> 00:14:50,015 A what? 248 00:14:50,180 --> 00:14:51,249 Avitaminosis. 249 00:14:51,980 --> 00:14:56,849 Is that what you have? So then, order a sandwich at least. 250 00:14:57,540 --> 00:14:59,496 It's about time. 251 00:15:00,380 --> 00:15:02,416 CLOSED FOR CONSTRUCTION UNTIL A FEW YEARS FROM NOW 252 00:15:08,500 --> 00:15:13,938 YOU'RE SO FULL OF IT WHEN IT COMES TO PHILOSOPHISING... 253 00:15:15,340 --> 00:15:16,739 Jesus fucking Christ! 254 00:15:17,220 --> 00:15:19,256 Over here, quiet as an ass! 255 00:15:20,340 --> 00:15:21,295 And wouldn't you know it, 256 00:15:21,460 --> 00:15:22,415 this fucking machine is out of order... 257 00:15:22,580 --> 00:15:24,298 I want chips, now! 258 00:15:24,500 --> 00:15:25,569 So what then, shall we get going? 259 00:15:25,740 --> 00:15:26,889 Are you ready? 260 00:15:27,060 --> 00:15:29,733 I missed my turn and it made my day, Zeze. 261 00:15:30,620 --> 00:15:33,259 What are you, a dumbfuck? 262 00:15:33,460 --> 00:15:34,813 This batbrain here is a mystery to us all. 263 00:15:35,020 --> 00:15:36,612 So like, you missed your turn and it made your day? 264 00:15:36,780 --> 00:15:38,008 Exactly. 265 00:15:38,500 --> 00:15:41,492 Zeze, guess who this mangled sicko is. 266 00:15:41,700 --> 00:15:44,658 Jesus, it fucking looks like ET. 267 00:15:44,820 --> 00:15:46,890 It's not fucking ET. It's me. 268 00:15:47,220 --> 00:15:50,337 And is that that hanger I swallowed that one time? 269 00:15:50,940 --> 00:15:52,532 That's it! 270 00:15:52,820 --> 00:15:55,050 Boy, did I have to give it to you that day. 271 00:15:55,220 --> 00:15:57,256 Of course, I didn't want to open my mouth. 272 00:15:57,420 --> 00:16:01,936 Jesus, but that was more than twenty years ago, right? 273 00:16:02,100 --> 00:16:04,978 The thing is, I never had time to come and get my x-rays. 274 00:16:05,300 --> 00:16:07,530 My life recently has been hell. 275 00:16:07,780 --> 00:16:09,259 I haven't even been sleeping in my bed. 276 00:16:10,340 --> 00:16:11,773 I was crashing there in the room. 277 00:16:12,340 --> 00:16:13,375 What about the hanger? 278 00:16:13,540 --> 00:16:16,373 I don't know, it must be hanging out around my liver by now. 279 00:16:16,580 --> 00:16:19,413 Which is why my liver hurts so much... when I drink. 280 00:16:19,620 --> 00:16:22,009 Goddamn right, with the hanger rusting and all. 281 00:16:22,180 --> 00:16:24,978 Anyway, we've got the papers now, we're all set, let's get outta here. 282 00:16:25,220 --> 00:16:26,175 We're not going anywhere 283 00:16:26,380 --> 00:16:28,575 until this fucking vending machine gives me my chips. 284 00:16:29,500 --> 00:16:31,377 Now wait, let's see. The machine swallowed the coin? 285 00:16:32,060 --> 00:16:33,015 What coin? 286 00:16:38,100 --> 00:16:40,978 Jesus fucking Christ, we hit rush hour! 287 00:16:41,340 --> 00:16:44,218 No problem. Turn left; I know a shortcut. 288 00:16:57,900 --> 00:17:00,368 Godammit, you got us stuck in the fucking traffic jam. 289 00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:02,372 You're the one who told me to turn left. 290 00:17:03,580 --> 00:17:05,093 It's because of the construction. 291 00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:07,731 This fucking city is always under construction. 292 00:17:07,900 --> 00:17:09,333 They're fucking everything up. 293 00:17:11,700 --> 00:17:13,019 Toni, open the door, 294 00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:15,258 chips always give me gas. 295 00:17:15,860 --> 00:17:18,499 Goddammit, what a fucking stench! Don't tell anyone you're healthy. 296 00:17:20,940 --> 00:17:22,134 The door fell off! 297 00:17:26,500 --> 00:17:28,058 Dumbass, get that piece of shit moving 298 00:17:28,300 --> 00:17:31,053 or I'll have to get out and kick start it! 299 00:17:33,340 --> 00:17:34,978 Why the hell are all these people here 300 00:17:35,140 --> 00:17:36,368 at the same time anyway? 301 00:17:36,580 --> 00:17:37,774 Because of work, Zeze. 302 00:17:38,180 --> 00:17:39,135 At this hour? 303 00:17:39,540 --> 00:17:41,053 There are people who work. 304 00:17:42,060 --> 00:17:43,937 Which is why this country doesn't count for anything. 305 00:17:45,020 --> 00:17:46,373 Move it, jackass! 306 00:17:47,780 --> 00:17:52,808 Zeze, when I stop to think about it and I see all this confusion, 307 00:17:53,020 --> 00:17:54,055 do you know what I think? 308 00:17:54,340 --> 00:17:55,773 No, I don't even want to know. 309 00:17:56,140 --> 00:17:57,368 Well I'm going to tell you anyway. 310 00:17:57,660 --> 00:18:00,618 I think this society is unorganized. 311 00:18:01,420 --> 00:18:03,775 Some go to work for others, 312 00:18:04,220 --> 00:18:06,859 and the others go to work for us, right? 313 00:18:07,140 --> 00:18:09,176 To work? To work, but badly. 314 00:18:10,100 --> 00:18:12,011 Come on, get moving moron! 315 00:18:12,980 --> 00:18:16,290 This modern world. It's all about competition. 316 00:18:16,540 --> 00:18:19,134 Every goddamn one of us is blinded by money. 317 00:18:19,820 --> 00:18:23,369 What about ideals? What ever happened to ideals? 318 00:18:23,580 --> 00:18:25,013 God knows what it's going to be this time. 319 00:18:27,580 --> 00:18:29,218 This piece of shit radio doesn't work or what? 320 00:18:29,380 --> 00:18:30,335 Of course it does. 321 00:18:32,500 --> 00:18:33,819 It's Janis Lopez! 322 00:18:34,060 --> 00:18:35,971 This chick knew what she was talking about. 323 00:18:36,220 --> 00:18:38,859 She got sick and tired of it all and got a one way ticket outta here. 324 00:18:39,820 --> 00:18:42,653 Janis Llopis went to live in Estoril? 325 00:18:43,060 --> 00:18:44,129 Where did you read that? 326 00:18:44,380 --> 00:18:45,335 Jesus fucking Christ, Zeze! 327 00:18:45,620 --> 00:18:46,575 A one way ticket to the beyond, 328 00:18:46,740 --> 00:18:47,968 to beyond the beyond, to the fifth dimension. 329 00:18:48,140 --> 00:18:50,700 Ever heard of it? 330 00:18:50,860 --> 00:18:53,738 Yes. I've heard something about the heatstroke melting your head. 331 00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:55,333 You're the one who's beyond the beyond. 332 00:18:56,220 --> 00:18:57,778 Zeze, when someone goes to the beyond, 333 00:18:57,940 --> 00:18:58,895 they can't take anything with them, 334 00:18:59,060 --> 00:19:00,049 not even their car. 335 00:19:00,220 --> 00:19:01,175 Gosh what luck, 336 00:19:01,420 --> 00:19:05,493 can you imagine yourself with this piece of junk in heaven, 337 00:19:06,420 --> 00:19:09,298 spewing out gasocarbonates onto the head of Saint Peter? 338 00:19:09,660 --> 00:19:10,615 Goddamn right, let me tell ya. 339 00:19:10,780 --> 00:19:12,691 They'd kick you out faster than you can say emissions test. 340 00:19:13,260 --> 00:19:14,978 This fucking Janis Gomez is bustin my goddamn balls. 341 00:19:15,900 --> 00:19:19,939 Go fucking sing somewhere else, in the beyond! 342 00:19:21,380 --> 00:19:23,450 You get all pissed off, man. 343 00:19:23,660 --> 00:19:27,050 Show some respect to Janis, for fuck's sake, she's a legend. 344 00:19:27,260 --> 00:19:28,249 Respect the divine, dude. 345 00:19:29,020 --> 00:19:30,214 You want your face smashed in? 346 00:19:31,180 --> 00:19:32,772 If anyone in this car 347 00:19:32,940 --> 00:19:36,649 has more respect for the divine than you, it's me... dumbfuck. 348 00:19:36,860 --> 00:19:39,090 You? For your information, 349 00:19:39,260 --> 00:19:42,491 I didn't get my First Communion because they made me slave away 350 00:19:42,700 --> 00:19:43,689 to get baptized first. 351 00:19:43,860 --> 00:19:44,815 That's what I'm talking about. 352 00:19:44,980 --> 00:19:45,935 But, check this out. 353 00:19:46,100 --> 00:19:47,055 At home I've got a rosary 354 00:19:47,220 --> 00:19:51,179 and picture books of the story of the resurrelection of Judas. 355 00:19:51,420 --> 00:19:53,172 But which one, the Old Testament or the new one? 356 00:19:53,380 --> 00:19:55,052 No fucking idea. I've had it for forever though. 357 00:19:55,300 --> 00:19:56,415 Then it's the old one. 358 00:19:56,620 --> 00:19:58,656 Yeah, besides, it's covered in cobwebs. 359 00:19:59,020 --> 00:19:59,975 Step on it! 360 00:20:00,540 --> 00:20:01,609 I've see people move faster in the cemetery! 361 00:20:01,780 --> 00:20:02,735 Move your ass! 362 00:20:03,380 --> 00:20:06,292 What, did you win your driver's license in a crap shoot! 363 00:20:06,660 --> 00:20:09,254 You know what this world needs? 364 00:20:09,740 --> 00:20:13,210 A new religion, Buddhism style, Om. 365 00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:17,494 Or one like the Arabs got. 366 00:20:17,980 --> 00:20:19,379 The Arabic one isn't new. 367 00:20:19,860 --> 00:20:21,771 Ours began on May 13th in Fatima, 368 00:20:21,940 --> 00:20:23,578 and theirs on September 11th in New York. 369 00:20:23,820 --> 00:20:26,618 Holy shit, Zeze, you're a fucking genius with dates! 370 00:20:26,820 --> 00:20:27,775 Thank you. 371 00:20:28,420 --> 00:20:30,297 This motherfucking traffic jam is pissing me off. 372 00:20:33,180 --> 00:20:35,171 Move your ass, dickhead 373 00:20:36,140 --> 00:20:39,735 or I'll rip out your eyeball 374 00:20:40,420 --> 00:20:42,376 and take a dump in the hole. 375 00:20:44,420 --> 00:20:47,457 You really need to learn to respect your fellow man. 376 00:20:47,620 --> 00:20:48,973 Remember, God will choose... 377 00:20:49,380 --> 00:20:51,940 What do ya mean, God will chew? That old bastard! 378 00:20:52,580 --> 00:20:57,893 Even if he had teeth, they'd only be good for eating or... 379 00:20:58,140 --> 00:20:59,095 Or drinking? 380 00:20:59,260 --> 00:21:00,215 No, order... 381 00:21:00,380 --> 00:21:01,335 Ordering meals? 382 00:21:01,540 --> 00:21:02,814 No, order, order... 383 00:21:03,020 --> 00:21:04,135 Order to go, I'm getting hungry. 384 00:21:04,420 --> 00:21:05,978 Hors d'oeuvres goddammit, 385 00:21:06,660 --> 00:21:10,892 religious ones like angel food cake or that pasta... 386 00:21:16,100 --> 00:21:19,251 The Lord works in mysterious ways. 387 00:21:21,780 --> 00:21:24,374 So Zeze, what did my father say? 388 00:21:24,860 --> 00:21:28,694 He said lots of things, the old bastard. 389 00:21:28,940 --> 00:21:31,659 Still the same old chatterbox, no? 390 00:21:32,060 --> 00:21:33,732 But Toni, you never actually met him. 391 00:21:33,980 --> 00:21:37,609 Well no, which is why I wanted to know all the details. 392 00:21:37,780 --> 00:21:39,850 I'm not sure you're ready for that though. 393 00:21:40,020 --> 00:21:41,294 Of course I am, dude; I'm all ears! 394 00:21:42,940 --> 00:21:43,895 All right. 395 00:21:46,260 --> 00:21:47,579 But first let's pray. 396 00:21:47,860 --> 00:21:49,896 Pray? Zeze, I haven't even washed my hands. 397 00:21:50,460 --> 00:21:52,098 On your knees, right now! 398 00:21:52,380 --> 00:21:54,735 I can't get on my knees because of my arthrosis. 399 00:21:55,100 --> 00:21:59,173 I'm sorry, but my collar bones just won't hold up. 400 00:21:59,460 --> 00:22:00,939 Toni, close your eyes! 401 00:22:01,260 --> 00:22:03,820 No way! If I close them, you'll punch me, I know you. 402 00:22:04,020 --> 00:22:06,659 All right, then don't close them. 403 00:22:06,980 --> 00:22:09,448 Ready? Shit, praying's a breeze. 404 00:22:10,060 --> 00:22:13,097 Toni, don't tell me you never learned how to pray. 405 00:22:13,700 --> 00:22:14,849 How am I going to learn how to pray 406 00:22:15,020 --> 00:22:16,089 if I never even learned to speak right. 407 00:22:16,300 --> 00:22:19,178 I've never even set foot in a church until today. 408 00:22:20,060 --> 00:22:22,335 You'd never set foot in a church before, you heretic? 409 00:22:23,100 --> 00:22:25,489 Never. They never let me. 410 00:22:26,580 --> 00:22:30,129 Every time I went into the sacristies, they yelled at me: 411 00:22:30,340 --> 00:22:33,537 Drop the brush, asshole 412 00:22:34,100 --> 00:22:36,898 and stop washing your feet in the holy water! 413 00:22:38,060 --> 00:22:43,293 Toni, poor devil. You disgust me. 414 00:22:43,540 --> 00:22:44,575 Thank you. 415 00:22:45,340 --> 00:22:46,773 Come on now, take your confession! 416 00:22:46,980 --> 00:22:48,208 I really don't think so! 417 00:22:48,780 --> 00:22:49,929 Do I have to get on my knees? 418 00:22:54,220 --> 00:22:57,178 Zeze, give me your blessing for I have sinned tones. 419 00:22:57,380 --> 00:22:59,814 I'm the priest here, and I'm in charge. 420 00:23:00,220 --> 00:23:01,175 Forgive me. 421 00:23:01,740 --> 00:23:03,776 You're supposed to ask forgiveness at the end. 422 00:23:04,300 --> 00:23:05,255 Yeah? To who? 423 00:23:05,420 --> 00:23:06,375 To me. 424 00:23:06,620 --> 00:23:09,214 To you? And what have I done to you to have to ask for your forgiveness? 425 00:23:09,500 --> 00:23:10,819 Something, there's always something. 426 00:23:11,020 --> 00:23:12,214 Every time you open that big mouth of yours, 427 00:23:12,380 --> 00:23:16,055 you hurt everyone around you. So shut up! 428 00:23:16,500 --> 00:23:19,458 Okay, okay, chill out. 429 00:23:20,020 --> 00:23:24,013 I'm just sitting here quiet as a mouse having a smoke... 430 00:23:24,460 --> 00:23:27,418 Toni, you're not allowed to smoke in the confession booth. 431 00:23:27,860 --> 00:23:30,055 Fuck that! Where's the sign? There's no sign in here. 432 00:23:30,380 --> 00:23:32,336 In the House of the Lord, there are no signs. 433 00:23:32,540 --> 00:23:38,331 The House of the Lord is a sign on the Great Highway of life. 434 00:23:40,820 --> 00:23:44,130 And so you will now tell me your sins, 435 00:23:44,300 --> 00:23:46,370 and I'll sit here listening... and laughing. 436 00:23:47,020 --> 00:23:50,808 Sins? Like what? Like sneaking a smoke? 437 00:23:51,100 --> 00:23:52,294 Exactly. 438 00:23:54,060 --> 00:23:58,815 Tell me, have you ever sneaked a smoke anywhere? 439 00:23:59,220 --> 00:24:00,733 Me? All the time. 440 00:24:03,140 --> 00:24:04,937 You see. Now we're getting somewhere. 441 00:24:06,900 --> 00:24:09,255 And when was that, child of God? 442 00:24:10,380 --> 00:24:11,415 Now. 443 00:24:11,900 --> 00:24:15,609 You see? We've taken another step in the right direction. 444 00:24:15,900 --> 00:24:18,812 And where was that? 445 00:24:19,460 --> 00:24:20,449 Here. 446 00:24:20,700 --> 00:24:23,533 You see? Here and now. 447 00:24:25,780 --> 00:24:28,453 Toni, are you smoking in the confession booth? 448 00:24:28,660 --> 00:24:30,298 Of course I am, but I'm sneaking it. 449 00:24:30,500 --> 00:24:32,058 I told you there were a lot of signs around 450 00:24:32,220 --> 00:24:34,051 and I didn't want to break the rules. 451 00:24:34,260 --> 00:24:37,411 Toni, this is filling up with smoke. Are you trying to burn this all down? 452 00:24:38,500 --> 00:24:40,411 Fucking door is jammed! 453 00:24:40,660 --> 00:24:41,934 If you were on this side, 454 00:24:42,140 --> 00:24:44,859 you'd be safe cuz here there's only a little curtain. 455 00:24:45,180 --> 00:24:47,410 Did you buy this velvet? It's fucking great! 456 00:24:48,300 --> 00:24:49,779 Toni, there's too much smoke. 457 00:24:49,940 --> 00:24:51,168 This is on fire. 458 00:24:52,380 --> 00:24:55,816 Call the fire department, the armed forces, the navy! 459 00:24:56,140 --> 00:24:57,653 I can't, there's no coverage here. 460 00:24:58,180 --> 00:24:59,772 You know what these convents are like. 461 00:24:59,940 --> 00:25:01,737 Stone on stone, and then things like this happen. 462 00:25:01,980 --> 00:25:02,935 And wouldn't you know it, 463 00:25:03,100 --> 00:25:05,170 I have a third degeneration cell phone. 464 00:25:05,380 --> 00:25:06,733 Don't go and think it's just some talkie-walker with an antenna. 465 00:25:06,940 --> 00:25:09,408 Go, go, save yourself 466 00:25:09,580 --> 00:25:11,650 and tell the world I died a hero's death! 467 00:25:12,460 --> 00:25:14,894 That's all, folks! 468 00:25:17,820 --> 00:25:19,776 No, wait, wait, I've changed my mind. 469 00:25:19,940 --> 00:25:23,774 Save me before I get toasted here alive. 470 00:25:24,220 --> 00:25:25,972 Zeze, you know what? 471 00:25:26,140 --> 00:25:31,533 If you told me what my father said, God might give you a reward. 472 00:25:31,740 --> 00:25:33,571 I'll tell you everything, I'll tell you everything. 473 00:25:33,740 --> 00:25:34,695 Cross your heart, hope... 474 00:25:34,860 --> 00:25:36,054 I'll stick a fucking needle up my ass! 475 00:25:36,620 --> 00:25:37,575 Your ass or your eye? 476 00:25:37,980 --> 00:25:38,935 My... 477 00:25:39,300 --> 00:25:40,255 Your what? 478 00:25:40,420 --> 00:25:41,375 Both. 479 00:25:48,580 --> 00:25:51,652 From the outside, this opens really easily. 480 00:25:51,980 --> 00:25:53,572 It must be the hinges. 481 00:25:53,780 --> 00:25:58,854 Have you put any lube spray on the hinges recently? 482 00:26:03,620 --> 00:26:04,939 You saved me... 483 00:26:05,460 --> 00:26:08,497 Thank you, Lord, thank you, amen... 484 00:26:08,660 --> 00:26:10,457 Let me tell ya amen, fella! 485 00:26:10,660 --> 00:26:13,857 Come on, tell me what my father said. 486 00:26:14,460 --> 00:26:17,497 I'll tell you. Jesus fucking Christ will I ever tell you! 487 00:26:27,700 --> 00:26:32,728 THREE MONTHS EARLIER, MORE OR LESS BECAUSE IT DOESN'T MATTER 488 00:26:50,700 --> 00:26:52,816 Steaky, Steaky, have you got the meat ready for the stew yet? 489 00:26:53,020 --> 00:26:55,409 Everyone's so hungry they're about to start a riot. 490 00:26:57,580 --> 00:26:58,774 It's coming. 491 00:27:14,740 --> 00:27:18,938 SINCE TRADITION RULES, NO SAUSAGE STEW WITHOUT BEANS 492 00:27:42,860 --> 00:27:44,293 What the fuck is going on? 493 00:27:44,460 --> 00:27:46,132 Can't anyone take a crap in peace around here? 494 00:27:46,300 --> 00:27:49,610 Cookie, Cookie, everyone's still waiting for the stew. 495 00:27:49,820 --> 00:27:51,094 What's the problem? I've got the beans already. 496 00:27:51,300 --> 00:27:52,255 Are they good? 497 00:27:52,420 --> 00:27:53,375 Fucking delicious! 498 00:27:53,540 --> 00:27:54,768 I tried them last night at dinner 499 00:27:55,020 --> 00:27:56,692 and the only time I left the bathroom was to have a smoke. 500 00:27:56,900 --> 00:27:58,015 How great! 501 00:28:12,580 --> 00:28:14,810 Hey there, Chump, that's quite a stump! 502 00:28:23,540 --> 00:28:25,292 Agent Chump, what a nasty bump. 503 00:28:25,540 --> 00:28:27,974 We're gonna have to cut off traffic in the neighborhood, no? 504 00:28:28,140 --> 00:28:29,175 Otherwise, there won't be any stew. 505 00:28:36,100 --> 00:28:37,772 Damn, I almost cut off my mustache! 506 00:28:38,100 --> 00:28:39,374 Yes, my love? 507 00:28:39,820 --> 00:28:41,890 Some people have come to talk to you. 508 00:28:42,180 --> 00:28:43,772 Tell them I've already paid, sweetie. 509 00:28:44,100 --> 00:28:46,295 Tell them yourself, I ain't your servant. 510 00:28:46,500 --> 00:28:48,650 Or did you think this was the Ritz Hotel? 511 00:28:49,260 --> 00:28:52,252 No my love, it was just a little favor I was asking you for. 512 00:28:52,500 --> 00:28:54,491 Little favor? If you want favors, you'll have to pay for them. 513 00:28:54,780 --> 00:28:57,055 And you'll owe me some if you dare go out partying 514 00:28:57,260 --> 00:28:58,534 without doing the dishes first. 515 00:28:59,060 --> 00:29:02,177 Don't worry, my darling. I still haven't finished yet. 516 00:29:02,340 --> 00:29:05,855 Shut up and don't make any noise. I'm going to do my legs! 517 00:29:10,420 --> 00:29:11,569 Get out of here, go play in the pantry 518 00:29:11,820 --> 00:29:14,380 where there's more room! 519 00:29:16,500 --> 00:29:18,809 So, what the hell is going on with you all, you bagpipe band? 520 00:29:19,460 --> 00:29:24,614 The question is this, Zeze: We are here for the stew. 521 00:29:25,260 --> 00:29:28,411 We need your magic touch in the kitchen. 522 00:29:29,300 --> 00:29:31,734 No way! Eat salad then! 523 00:29:32,140 --> 00:29:33,368 This year, I'm not setting foot in there. 524 00:29:33,860 --> 00:29:36,215 But Zeze, without you, the stew isn't the same. 525 00:29:36,980 --> 00:29:38,698 Last year they didn't let me sing the fado. 526 00:29:38,900 --> 00:29:40,219 So then if I'm not fit for a stew 527 00:29:40,420 --> 00:29:43,139 that demands my seasoned-stew presence. 528 00:29:47,700 --> 00:29:48,655 No! 529 00:29:49,700 --> 00:29:53,215 But Zeze, the mayor has set up some speakers 530 00:29:53,460 --> 00:29:55,928 so you can sing the fado. 531 00:29:56,100 --> 00:29:58,216 And boy did it ever cost a fortune! 532 00:29:58,420 --> 00:29:59,375 Does it work? 533 00:29:59,580 --> 00:30:01,411 Of course it does. They are Benito Camelas' speakers. 534 00:30:01,740 --> 00:30:02,695 Who? The fado singer? 535 00:30:02,860 --> 00:30:03,815 No, his brother. 536 00:30:03,980 --> 00:30:04,935 The drywaller? 537 00:30:05,100 --> 00:30:06,055 That's the one, him. 538 00:30:06,260 --> 00:30:07,249 What about musicians? 539 00:30:07,540 --> 00:30:10,213 One-handed Manolo is on the guitar, 540 00:30:10,420 --> 00:30:12,650 and Pepe the Hook is on the tambourine. 541 00:30:21,700 --> 00:30:27,935 Damn, it's impossible to say no with those artists! 542 00:30:28,380 --> 00:30:29,733 What about the artist's fee? 543 00:30:32,140 --> 00:30:34,700 The cash, the dough, 544 00:30:34,900 --> 00:30:38,609 what I charge for artistic expenditure. 545 00:30:40,020 --> 00:30:45,299 Zeze, the money is all meant to go to help the retarded. 546 00:30:45,740 --> 00:30:47,696 The retards? Fuck that! 547 00:30:47,900 --> 00:30:48,855 It's true. 548 00:30:49,020 --> 00:30:50,499 No. - Yes. 549 00:30:52,220 --> 00:30:56,816 Fine, then I'll lend my talent to the retards. 550 00:30:57,460 --> 00:30:59,416 You'll have to give me a case of beer 551 00:30:59,740 --> 00:31:02,573 so my throat is suitably tuned, mind you. 552 00:31:02,820 --> 00:31:05,812 Great throat, deep throat Zeze. The greatest! 553 00:31:06,060 --> 00:31:09,018 Great it is, especially when I get done doing the dishes. 554 00:31:09,220 --> 00:31:11,256 Otherwise, this isn't going anywhere. 555 00:31:12,820 --> 00:31:15,254 Sweetie pie, but here I am with the scrubber in hand 556 00:31:15,420 --> 00:31:16,819 and the Palmolive on my nails. 557 00:31:18,020 --> 00:31:21,092 When I get a hold of her, she's really going to get it. 558 00:31:21,340 --> 00:31:22,739 I'm going to bash her face in so hard, 559 00:31:22,940 --> 00:31:24,373 the only thing she'll have left to cry with is her teeth. 560 00:31:24,540 --> 00:31:25,689 I heard that, Zeze. 561 00:31:26,940 --> 00:31:28,578 Just kidding, love. 562 00:31:30,100 --> 00:31:36,016 I was a little blonde bugger And looked like a studder 563 00:31:37,340 --> 00:31:40,935 And my mother would say She'd sell me one day 564 00:31:41,500 --> 00:31:43,013 Just like she did to my brother 565 00:31:44,340 --> 00:31:50,654 I was the loveliest little cherry Ever born on the Tagus ferry 566 00:31:51,100 --> 00:31:53,568 Never was there another like me 567 00:31:53,860 --> 00:31:57,535 So lovely was I That the mirror would cry 568 00:31:58,780 --> 00:32:04,889 I was also a dear A funny little bat 569 00:32:05,260 --> 00:32:09,458 When my father saw me He ran away fast 570 00:32:09,820 --> 00:32:12,288 And left me in the square Just like that 571 00:32:13,300 --> 00:32:16,417 My mother was so upset 572 00:32:16,780 --> 00:32:19,738 One day she stopped talking to me In a fit 573 00:32:19,940 --> 00:32:23,979 Running away from me in the night As though I were such a fright 574 00:32:24,300 --> 00:32:26,291 And really I couldn't give a shit 575 00:32:27,740 --> 00:32:33,337 I was born in this neighborhood Noble neighborhood of Lisbon 576 00:32:34,060 --> 00:32:36,415 I'm afraid of no one 577 00:32:36,820 --> 00:32:40,210 I start kicking shit And I roast them right on the spit 578 00:32:41,540 --> 00:32:44,771 You sing badly and I don't like it 579 00:32:45,020 --> 00:32:47,978 You got any clothes to iron 580 00:32:48,340 --> 00:32:52,652 Cut out the bullshit and the wine I want everything clean and fine 581 00:32:52,940 --> 00:32:55,659 Otherwise I'll beat you into tomorrow. 582 00:32:55,980 --> 00:33:02,249 Zeze, you're screwed there buddy Take it from me, old Toni 583 00:33:02,860 --> 00:33:06,978 You must be embarrassed To take orders from your sweetie 584 00:33:07,220 --> 00:33:09,415 As though you were just a pussy. 585 00:33:10,300 --> 00:33:15,932 So let me tellya, fella! I'm gonna beat your ass 586 00:33:17,020 --> 00:33:21,377 And you my darling chou-chou Don't cramp my style 587 00:33:21,620 --> 00:33:23,497 And let me go make the stew. 588 00:33:24,860 --> 00:33:30,810 I'm not your fella, I'm Toni - And me, my name is Zeze 589 00:33:31,460 --> 00:33:35,738 This neighborhood is ours And for it we suffer 590 00:33:35,980 --> 00:33:38,289 My foot's fucked up anyway... 591 00:33:38,900 --> 00:33:45,135 We're two good buddies What a friendship we have 592 00:33:45,780 --> 00:33:50,217 Let a brick fall out of the sky And bash in our heads 593 00:33:50,580 --> 00:33:52,411 If it turns out a lie 594 00:33:53,380 --> 00:33:57,339 Let a brick fall out of the sky And bash in our heads 595 00:33:57,540 --> 00:33:59,417 If it turns out a lie 596 00:34:04,060 --> 00:34:05,857 Thank you very much, 597 00:34:06,020 --> 00:34:08,056 I'd like to thank my beloved wife Noquinhas 598 00:34:08,260 --> 00:34:09,488 who could not come to see me... 599 00:34:10,140 --> 00:34:14,452 Shut the hell up, you too... goofball! 600 00:35:03,780 --> 00:35:05,008 I'm thirsty... 601 00:35:06,220 --> 00:35:08,609 Little fertile reptile! 602 00:35:09,340 --> 00:35:10,375 Wine! 603 00:35:11,620 --> 00:35:15,249 What have you done to deserve a sip of bad wine 604 00:35:15,620 --> 00:35:18,930 from this brother of yours in the leather pants? 605 00:35:20,900 --> 00:35:25,178 Holy shit! Are those real leather? In this heat? 606 00:35:26,380 --> 00:35:27,699 Gimme wine, goddammit! 607 00:35:28,500 --> 00:35:33,096 You don't get it. I could bathe you with cactus nectar. 608 00:35:33,500 --> 00:35:38,449 I could fill your throat with fresh camel's milk. 609 00:35:39,300 --> 00:35:41,814 I could even drown you in tea made by the baboons. 610 00:35:42,180 --> 00:35:43,659 But you don't deserve it. 611 00:35:44,260 --> 00:35:47,491 Forget about camel tea. Fuck the bamboozles! 612 00:35:48,540 --> 00:35:52,328 All I want is wine. Even if it comes out of a box. 613 00:35:53,900 --> 00:35:56,460 Drink sand, you crouching scorpion. 614 00:35:56,940 --> 00:36:00,250 You haven't moved a finger to help your fellow man. 615 00:36:00,460 --> 00:36:03,054 You are the jealous Comanche 616 00:36:03,380 --> 00:36:05,371 who hacks apart the father with a machete. 617 00:36:05,580 --> 00:36:07,491 Comanche? But in the army 618 00:36:07,660 --> 00:36:09,457 I never even made it to quartermaster corporal. 619 00:36:10,980 --> 00:36:12,379 Who are you, pink floyd? 620 00:36:12,820 --> 00:36:17,735 Don't you recognize me, moustache man? I'm Jimmy Morrison. 621 00:36:18,460 --> 00:36:19,415 Jimmy? 622 00:36:20,700 --> 00:36:21,769 Morrison. 623 00:36:23,380 --> 00:36:25,689 I've wanted to ask you something for a long time now. 624 00:36:26,020 --> 00:36:28,898 I know. It's what everyone wants to know. 625 00:36:29,140 --> 00:36:33,179 What was it like with all those babes after the concerts? 626 00:36:33,460 --> 00:36:37,658 Them and me motherfucking and all night long. 627 00:36:39,540 --> 00:36:42,930 No no, I want to know if you happen to have a box of wine. 628 00:36:43,100 --> 00:36:46,251 Leave me alone, I'm tempted to just dump you 629 00:36:46,420 --> 00:36:48,729 and let the vultures pick away at ya. 630 00:36:49,140 --> 00:36:51,495 Them big old birds? Gimme a fucking break! 631 00:36:51,700 --> 00:36:55,295 If you bring me a casserole and two garlic cloves, 632 00:36:55,500 --> 00:36:58,253 I'll make you a big ole kebab right now. 633 00:36:58,420 --> 00:37:00,058 But first, gimme wine, 634 00:37:00,460 --> 00:37:01,495 wine! 635 00:37:02,420 --> 00:37:03,375 Wine! 636 00:37:03,540 --> 00:37:04,939 No, you annoying twit! 637 00:37:05,140 --> 00:37:07,131 You're gonna stay there 638 00:37:07,300 --> 00:37:08,733 with your tongue stuck to the roof of your mouth. 639 00:37:08,940 --> 00:37:12,728 Help others to help you, and you'll do yourself a favor. 640 00:37:13,020 --> 00:37:14,339 Don't even think about drinking this wine, 641 00:37:14,540 --> 00:37:17,418 it's mine and there's little left; I'm so thirsty I can't see straight. 642 00:37:26,140 --> 00:37:27,209 Wine! 643 00:37:27,540 --> 00:37:30,452 Animal, you almost look like you just came out of the desert! 644 00:37:32,500 --> 00:37:34,695 Toni, I, have had a vision. 645 00:37:34,860 --> 00:37:36,054 With the first drink? Gimme a fucking break! 646 00:37:36,220 --> 00:37:38,654 That usually happens to me on the fifth... The fifth box. 647 00:37:40,420 --> 00:37:41,694 And it was there. 648 00:37:41,860 --> 00:37:43,009 That was the spot? 649 00:37:43,620 --> 00:37:45,690 No Toni, it's just a figure of speech. 650 00:37:45,860 --> 00:37:47,339 Goddammit, so then why don't you tell me everything? 651 00:37:47,500 --> 00:37:50,492 And that was when I realized 652 00:37:50,740 --> 00:37:53,777 that I had to travel the world to help people, all people, 653 00:37:53,940 --> 00:37:54,895 and the retards. 654 00:37:55,060 --> 00:37:56,413 So like, helping them cross at crosswalks? 655 00:37:56,820 --> 00:37:58,253 Dammit Toni, don't be stubborn! 656 00:37:58,740 --> 00:38:01,538 For retards, the entire world is a crosswalk. 657 00:38:01,740 --> 00:38:03,219 Now that there are traffic lights, there's no problem right? 658 00:38:03,380 --> 00:38:04,733 That way, the cars don't get 'em... 659 00:38:04,900 --> 00:38:06,731 Of course, that's the problem. 660 00:38:06,900 --> 00:38:09,130 The retards are sick of getting run over 661 00:38:09,300 --> 00:38:14,135 and no one lifts even a finger to help them. 662 00:38:14,540 --> 00:38:16,531 You know what this world needs? 663 00:38:16,700 --> 00:38:22,332 Sodilaritity, Solitarity, Solitarieaty. 664 00:38:22,700 --> 00:38:25,931 Right, just three things. 665 00:38:26,340 --> 00:38:27,295 Zeze. 666 00:38:27,620 --> 00:38:30,532 The truth is with this kind of people who help others, 667 00:38:31,140 --> 00:38:36,612 I'd like to be like those who help save whales, and penguins, 668 00:38:37,100 --> 00:38:38,215 the ones from Green Piss. 669 00:38:38,460 --> 00:38:40,610 What exactly and who the fuck is Green Piss? 670 00:38:40,820 --> 00:38:43,937 Zeze, Green Piss is a group led by a hippy and his wife, 671 00:38:44,140 --> 00:38:47,291 who is totally insane and goes around on a boat. 672 00:38:47,460 --> 00:38:48,449 And they usually go to hang out at the North Pole. 673 00:38:48,620 --> 00:38:51,259 A hippy in the North Pole? How cool! 674 00:38:51,420 --> 00:38:52,648 But, what the hell is a hippy doing in the North Pole? 675 00:38:52,820 --> 00:38:54,173 He goes around saving the fucking little critters 676 00:38:54,380 --> 00:38:55,972 half frozen there on the tundra, 677 00:38:56,140 --> 00:38:57,698 waiting for the goddamn hippy to come and save them, right? 678 00:38:57,900 --> 00:39:02,576 You know how many seals are killed every year to make codfish liver oil 679 00:39:02,780 --> 00:39:05,010 and grease for shoe polish? 680 00:39:05,220 --> 00:39:06,175 Wait, wait. 681 00:39:06,340 --> 00:39:08,058 What is it that they do, kill them or save them? 682 00:39:08,220 --> 00:39:10,370 I think there's something here I don't get. 683 00:39:10,740 --> 00:39:13,049 Zeze, the hunters kill them, 684 00:39:13,220 --> 00:39:15,336 and the ones from Green Piss save them, goddammit. 685 00:39:16,180 --> 00:39:18,740 They save them and then they kill them? 686 00:39:18,900 --> 00:39:19,889 Goddammit, that's fucking sweet! 687 00:39:20,100 --> 00:39:21,453 The thing is, they're frozen. 688 00:39:21,660 --> 00:39:23,730 Haven't you ever watched the Recovery Channel? 689 00:39:24,220 --> 00:39:27,098 The channel with all them fucking critters jumping and humping 690 00:39:27,260 --> 00:39:28,215 all over the place? 691 00:39:28,380 --> 00:39:29,335 No. 692 00:39:29,500 --> 00:39:30,455 If you did, 693 00:39:30,940 --> 00:39:32,737 you'd realize a lot of critters are good for absolutely nothing. 694 00:39:33,140 --> 00:39:34,619 So then, what do they eat? 695 00:39:35,060 --> 00:39:36,652 Hay, mosquitos... 696 00:39:37,140 --> 00:39:39,574 Fucking hippies, they're worse than pigs. 697 00:39:39,820 --> 00:39:40,775 They'll eat anything. 698 00:39:40,940 --> 00:39:42,896 Dammit Zeze, I'm talking about the seals. 699 00:39:43,100 --> 00:39:45,136 Hippies are vegetarians, aren't they? 700 00:39:45,340 --> 00:39:48,013 They only eat roots, birdseed, and weird shit like that. 701 00:39:48,180 --> 00:39:51,331 They're like fucking birds. It's like a kind of religion. 702 00:39:51,500 --> 00:39:53,297 They can't eat cadavers. 703 00:39:53,460 --> 00:39:55,337 Dammit, I can't eat cadavers either. 704 00:39:55,500 --> 00:39:57,218 No? And what are beef sandwiches then? 705 00:39:58,460 --> 00:39:59,415 Beef sandwiches. 706 00:39:59,580 --> 00:40:02,413 And when you eat beef, is the beef not dead previously? 707 00:40:02,860 --> 00:40:05,249 Gimme a break, I'm going to eat live beef, 708 00:40:05,500 --> 00:40:06,455 come on... 709 00:40:07,180 --> 00:40:09,011 Zeze, I'm a normal guy, 710 00:40:09,220 --> 00:40:11,893 I'm not interested in how the beef makes it to the plate. 711 00:40:12,060 --> 00:40:15,575 Look, I could even sign up for the Green Piss thing, 712 00:40:15,780 --> 00:40:18,214 but only if they threw the fucking hippies overboard 713 00:40:18,420 --> 00:40:20,172 and disinfected the boat. 714 00:40:20,420 --> 00:40:21,819 Fucking stinky hippie into the water! 715 00:40:22,260 --> 00:40:24,376 For your information, I'm not in it for the seals. 716 00:40:24,580 --> 00:40:25,535 Is that right? 717 00:40:25,700 --> 00:40:26,735 No, fuck the goddamn seals! 718 00:40:26,900 --> 00:40:27,889 That's it. That's it. 719 00:40:28,220 --> 00:40:32,179 I'm in it to put an end to all this oil company bullshit 720 00:40:32,380 --> 00:40:34,814 that is spilling diesel and tar into the ocean. 721 00:40:35,020 --> 00:40:37,454 Goddamn right! With gas at the price that it is, 722 00:40:37,660 --> 00:40:40,128 and these dudes giving sardines drinks, right? 723 00:40:42,700 --> 00:40:46,170 Have you hear the phrase: Shave the whale, fuck the planet? 724 00:40:46,420 --> 00:40:48,615 Zeze, when I saw that movie, 725 00:40:49,060 --> 00:40:52,052 I cried so much at that part where that guy goes off to war 726 00:40:52,260 --> 00:40:54,296 and then comes back all fucked up. 727 00:40:54,580 --> 00:40:58,937 Movie, my ass! We're talking About Green Piss and diesel. 728 00:41:01,180 --> 00:41:04,217 Zeze, speaking about movies about retards, 729 00:41:04,460 --> 00:41:07,258 what part of the movie is my father in? 730 00:41:07,580 --> 00:41:09,059 Much later. 731 00:41:09,540 --> 00:41:10,495 After intermission? 732 00:41:10,820 --> 00:41:12,811 No, much later. 733 00:41:17,500 --> 00:41:18,455 Toni! 734 00:41:22,740 --> 00:41:25,049 ONE MONTH EARLIER 735 00:41:26,740 --> 00:41:28,651 I prefer those westerns 736 00:41:28,860 --> 00:41:30,930 where the cowboys kill off all the Indians. 737 00:41:31,420 --> 00:41:34,139 The one I liked was "The Last Orangutan in Paris". 738 00:41:37,860 --> 00:41:39,259 Awesome. 739 00:41:39,540 --> 00:41:41,496 Totally, who was in it? 740 00:41:41,940 --> 00:41:44,249 Tom Cruise and his wife, 741 00:41:44,500 --> 00:41:46,218 that mulatta who's hotter than a Christmas turkey. 742 00:41:46,380 --> 00:41:47,369 Jenny Blowlozez! 743 00:41:47,620 --> 00:41:48,575 Where? Where? 744 00:41:48,820 --> 00:41:50,014 In the movie, dammit. 745 00:41:52,940 --> 00:41:55,500 Look man, the cowboy movie of all cowboy movies, 746 00:41:55,700 --> 00:41:59,409 the king of them all, "The Good, the Bad and the Snugly", 747 00:42:07,140 --> 00:42:09,700 with Clinton Eastwood as the good guy, 748 00:42:11,460 --> 00:42:14,179 Omar Sheriff as the Sherrif, evil as a cobra... 749 00:42:14,380 --> 00:42:16,610 That guy is like a fucking rattlesnake. 750 00:42:17,660 --> 00:42:18,934 And in the role of the "Snugly", 751 00:42:19,180 --> 00:42:22,490 that great distributor of open-handed wallops, 752 00:42:22,700 --> 00:42:24,338 none other than Brute Spencer. 753 00:42:24,500 --> 00:42:26,058 Fuck yeah, Brute Spencer, damn. 754 00:42:26,220 --> 00:42:31,852 For me, Bruce Ling kicked away more ass than Brute Spencer. 755 00:42:32,020 --> 00:42:35,092 Now we're talking about the elite, the gods. 756 00:42:35,300 --> 00:42:39,771 You can't put Bruce Ling and Brute Spencer in the same sack. 757 00:42:39,940 --> 00:42:41,453 You can't put them in the same sack cause they won't fit, right. 758 00:42:41,620 --> 00:42:42,609 Of course. 759 00:42:42,860 --> 00:42:44,851 Bruce Ling and his immortal classics, 760 00:42:45,060 --> 00:42:48,257 "The Fury of the Dragon", "The Elbow of the Dragon". 761 00:42:48,460 --> 00:42:49,609 "The Punching Hand of the Dragon", 762 00:42:49,780 --> 00:42:50,929 "The Dragon goes to the Beach". 763 00:42:51,100 --> 00:42:52,055 Who's in that? 764 00:42:52,260 --> 00:42:53,739 With "The Dragon's Children"... 765 00:42:53,940 --> 00:42:55,692 And the great classic of all classics, 766 00:42:55,980 --> 00:42:58,733 "Land When you Can on the Great Wall of China 767 00:42:58,900 --> 00:43:00,572 "with the Seven Samurais"... 768 00:43:01,060 --> 00:43:02,334 That title doesn't have dragon in it? 769 00:43:03,100 --> 00:43:04,249 You didn't let me finish: 770 00:43:04,420 --> 00:43:06,012 "Land When you Can on the Great Wall of China 771 00:43:06,180 --> 00:43:08,853 "with the Seven Samurais Fleeing from the Dragon." 772 00:43:10,900 --> 00:43:13,414 That one's about the Chinese mafia. 773 00:43:13,940 --> 00:43:14,895 Fuck yeah, it is! 774 00:43:16,020 --> 00:43:21,140 Make your illegal bets, give me a note, I'll give you a note. 775 00:43:21,500 --> 00:43:28,690 We accept everything; euros, dollars, piastras, ruples, petro-dollars! 776 00:43:28,860 --> 00:43:30,816 Fujimori, repeat after me: 777 00:43:30,980 --> 00:43:32,493 I am a brutal murderer! 778 00:43:33,820 --> 00:43:38,211 Come on! I am a brutal murderer! 779 00:43:49,060 --> 00:43:50,891 And so, Samurai, are you strong? 780 00:43:51,180 --> 00:43:53,535 Stronger than a chilindron. 781 00:43:54,620 --> 00:44:00,217 Samurai, show me the feline spirit within you, you big ole cock...! 782 00:44:04,580 --> 00:44:06,172 Listen, I bet it all on you. 783 00:44:06,340 --> 00:44:08,900 So now you know, victory or chilindron! 784 00:44:09,380 --> 00:44:10,733 With peppers! 785 00:44:14,860 --> 00:44:16,213 People of China! 786 00:44:16,500 --> 00:44:19,060 We are about to start the traditional combat 787 00:44:19,260 --> 00:44:20,818 that will make its premiere today, 788 00:44:20,980 --> 00:44:26,213 in the traditional illegal Chinese cockfight of Kazuza! 789 00:44:30,220 --> 00:44:34,498 From Siam, where he spent ten years with his master Toni, 790 00:44:34,700 --> 00:44:37,419 perfecting the crane style 791 00:44:37,620 --> 00:44:40,134 and the use of the katana-cachava and the cachava-katana, 792 00:44:40,340 --> 00:44:41,773 a big applause for 793 00:44:41,980 --> 00:44:45,416 Samurai, the Hurricane of the Azores. 794 00:44:51,980 --> 00:44:52,935 Concentrate. 795 00:44:53,180 --> 00:44:59,858 And now, straight from the small town in butt-fucking Egypt, 796 00:45:00,020 --> 00:45:03,899 where he spent the last three days in a vow of silence, 797 00:45:04,100 --> 00:45:06,409 with his manager-a-trois, Zeze, 798 00:45:06,660 --> 00:45:09,379 the leading specialist on the bat technique 799 00:45:09,540 --> 00:45:11,531 and the hog trot escape, 800 00:45:11,700 --> 00:45:12,655 a round of applause for 801 00:45:12,860 --> 00:45:14,896 Fujimori, the Crook from Machu-Pichu. 802 00:45:25,620 --> 00:45:28,418 Pray your last prayers, 803 00:45:28,780 --> 00:45:31,817 The Fujimori is going to beat the crest right off 804 00:45:31,980 --> 00:45:34,778 of that messenger pigeon. 805 00:45:36,140 --> 00:45:40,531 My friend, listen well, you should know that Samurai 806 00:45:40,700 --> 00:45:42,895 comes from an ancient line of warrior cocks 807 00:45:43,060 --> 00:45:45,528 from the times of Inspector Ming. 808 00:45:47,220 --> 00:45:48,619 The great grandfather of that cock alone 809 00:45:48,780 --> 00:45:52,693 fed all the workers who built the Great Wall 810 00:45:53,020 --> 00:45:54,089 and its surroundings. 811 00:45:55,260 --> 00:45:58,889 I'm warning you, Fujimori is a black belt in capoeira. 812 00:45:59,180 --> 00:46:00,693 This cock is really macho, 813 00:46:00,860 --> 00:46:07,095 a Rock Hurlson, an Al Modovar, a Freddy Merculin. 814 00:46:07,500 --> 00:46:11,288 Freddy Merculin, why are talking about that poor guy, he's dead. 815 00:46:11,620 --> 00:46:14,054 Doesn't matter, a man who's macho is always a macho man, 816 00:46:14,340 --> 00:46:15,489 even if he's a cock. 817 00:46:18,300 --> 00:46:20,131 Zeze, I don't mean to sweeten the pill, 818 00:46:20,340 --> 00:46:22,979 but I think that cock, when he sings, is a little queer... 819 00:46:24,260 --> 00:46:25,534 Queer? 820 00:46:25,940 --> 00:46:29,250 Yeah, a poof, like those guys who get married in Spain, 821 00:46:29,420 --> 00:46:31,092 to each other, without chicks, 822 00:46:31,340 --> 00:46:33,376 and believing in God and in Elton John. 823 00:46:40,980 --> 00:46:42,971 Zeze, did you fall asleep? 824 00:46:43,180 --> 00:46:46,172 This it totally awesome, man. The cock has laid an egg. 825 00:46:46,380 --> 00:46:47,779 That only happens in the movies. 826 00:46:47,980 --> 00:46:49,572 I've seen this movie on video. 827 00:46:49,900 --> 00:46:51,413 This movie just came out today. 828 00:46:51,740 --> 00:46:54,857 With that guy, I've seen it tones of times. 829 00:46:55,100 --> 00:46:58,058 All right then, what happens later? Come on, tell me. 830 00:46:58,460 --> 00:47:00,257 If I tell you, I'll ruin it for you. 831 00:47:00,460 --> 00:47:04,373 Come on dammit, tell me how it ends; I'm getting impatient. 832 00:47:04,540 --> 00:47:06,019 Shut up and watch the movie. 833 00:47:06,220 --> 00:47:08,017 Go outside and talk! 834 00:47:08,540 --> 00:47:11,657 Shove your ticket up your ass, moron! 835 00:47:12,380 --> 00:47:14,257 These fucking people are so rude. 836 00:47:14,500 --> 00:47:17,333 Jelou, It is I, Toni speaking! 837 00:47:18,340 --> 00:47:19,295 Cookie! 838 00:47:19,500 --> 00:47:21,730 Is that you, ole buddy? Where are you hanging, bud? 839 00:47:22,780 --> 00:47:24,930 At the movies? No shit, so am I! 840 00:47:26,460 --> 00:47:28,815 Would you shut the fuck up, once and for all! 841 00:47:29,060 --> 00:47:30,015 What the hell, 842 00:47:30,180 --> 00:47:33,536 my friend can talk on the cell in peace, or can't he? 843 00:47:34,140 --> 00:47:35,732 Wait and see me smear your 844 00:47:35,900 --> 00:47:37,811 ugly gullet across your back of your seat with one punch! 845 00:47:37,980 --> 00:47:39,459 And what movie are you watching Cookie? 846 00:47:40,460 --> 00:47:42,212 No shit, the same one I am! 847 00:47:43,060 --> 00:47:45,574 Shut up now, you motherfuckers! 848 00:47:46,380 --> 00:47:48,735 Who are you calling motherfucker, dickface? 849 00:47:52,020 --> 00:47:53,772 Who's throwing popcorn at me? 850 00:47:53,980 --> 00:47:56,778 I want to know who threw the popcorn, because otherwise... 851 00:48:00,860 --> 00:48:01,929 We'll talk... 852 00:48:02,340 --> 00:48:03,932 Zeze, guess who's here in the theater. 853 00:48:04,220 --> 00:48:05,175 Who? 854 00:48:05,340 --> 00:48:06,295 Cookie. 855 00:48:06,500 --> 00:48:07,774 Cookie, where? 856 00:48:08,180 --> 00:48:09,659 I think he's in the back because he said 857 00:48:09,820 --> 00:48:10,935 he couldn't hear the movie 858 00:48:11,140 --> 00:48:13,608 because two dumbfucks in front wouldn't shut the hell up 859 00:48:13,780 --> 00:48:15,213 and he had to throw a bag of popcorn at them 860 00:48:15,380 --> 00:48:16,415 to get them to shut up. 861 00:48:18,260 --> 00:48:19,659 Cookie, you're a dead man! 862 00:48:19,940 --> 00:48:21,931 Where were you when I needed you? 863 00:48:22,540 --> 00:48:25,100 Did you see how the first four rows were jumping on me 864 00:48:25,260 --> 00:48:26,488 and beating the shit out of me, 865 00:48:26,700 --> 00:48:29,134 and you didn't even lift a finger. 866 00:48:29,540 --> 00:48:32,691 So you need me? You don't need me for anything. 867 00:48:32,900 --> 00:48:33,969 You're an ingrate. 868 00:48:34,140 --> 00:48:36,813 Because of you, I don't know how the movie ends. 869 00:48:37,020 --> 00:48:38,897 I know how it ends, you want me to tell you? 870 00:48:39,060 --> 00:48:42,097 No, I don't want to ruin it. 871 00:48:44,660 --> 00:48:46,252 They all get napalmed. 872 00:48:47,780 --> 00:48:49,133 It's a bloodbath. 873 00:48:49,580 --> 00:48:51,855 But they do get married, or don't they? 874 00:48:52,260 --> 00:48:53,659 Of course they do. 875 00:48:53,820 --> 00:48:57,256 This movie is like those romantic comedies. 876 00:48:57,420 --> 00:49:02,130 As soon as it starts raining a little, they all start singing and dancing. 877 00:49:02,660 --> 00:49:06,369 Like those Fred Astaire and Ginger Ale movies. 878 00:49:08,140 --> 00:49:15,012 I'm sailing in the train I'm sailing in the train... 879 00:49:32,260 --> 00:49:33,488 Shut it, dirty drunks! 880 00:49:35,140 --> 00:49:36,334 Right on! 881 00:49:36,740 --> 00:49:41,495 MAY GOD FORGIVE YOU FOR ALL THE EVIL I'VE DONE 882 00:49:43,740 --> 00:49:46,379 This man is one of the most important 883 00:49:46,540 --> 00:49:48,895 in the history of the neighborhood in general, 884 00:49:49,140 --> 00:49:51,893 and in the history of Portugal in particular. 885 00:49:52,260 --> 00:49:55,172 It's necessary to have great respect for this gentleman. 886 00:49:55,620 --> 00:50:01,217 The Infant, Don Fuas Bogalho, the Atrophiator. 887 00:50:01,380 --> 00:50:03,814 Exactly, this man was the one 888 00:50:03,980 --> 00:50:06,540 who discovered the sea passage to Spain. 889 00:50:07,020 --> 00:50:08,692 What? 890 00:50:09,740 --> 00:50:10,729 On a donkey. 891 00:50:11,180 --> 00:50:13,489 Hang on a sec, didn't you say it was a sea passage? 892 00:50:13,780 --> 00:50:15,259 And donkeys don't know how to swim? 893 00:50:15,500 --> 00:50:16,455 To Spain? 894 00:50:16,660 --> 00:50:17,615 Donkeys can swim 895 00:50:17,780 --> 00:50:19,179 wherever they goddamn want to swim. 896 00:50:20,540 --> 00:50:24,249 Poor thing, the stupid donkey who wound up rowing his ass off. 897 00:50:24,620 --> 00:50:25,814 What was the donkey's name? 898 00:50:26,540 --> 00:50:27,495 Popeye. 899 00:50:30,500 --> 00:50:38,737 In 1467, Don Fuas got totally wasted on grape liquor. 900 00:50:39,060 --> 00:50:41,779 And then he bought a shinoe. 901 00:50:41,980 --> 00:50:43,299 The end is near. 902 00:50:43,900 --> 00:50:45,697 Shinoe, a shinoe. 903 00:50:45,860 --> 00:50:48,010 The end is near, I saw... 904 00:50:48,660 --> 00:50:50,651 Shinoe, a ship, a canoe 905 00:50:50,820 --> 00:50:51,775 Canoe... 906 00:50:53,700 --> 00:50:56,009 The shinoe "capitapitana", 907 00:50:56,500 --> 00:51:01,016 in homage to the Gallic-Roman 908 00:51:01,180 --> 00:51:05,253 goddess of the Starfish and deep fried squid. 909 00:51:08,820 --> 00:51:10,378 "Capitapitana". 910 00:51:10,740 --> 00:51:13,732 Wasn't that the saint famous for eating roses? 911 00:51:14,140 --> 00:51:15,459 Yeah, that's the one. 912 00:51:16,500 --> 00:51:19,936 As I was saying, Don Fuas came down 913 00:51:20,100 --> 00:51:24,378 with a nasty case of the plutonic plague in his ears 914 00:51:24,740 --> 00:51:27,573 and so he had to get healed at the hot baths. 915 00:51:28,100 --> 00:51:31,536 And when they were pressure spraying him in the face, 916 00:51:31,700 --> 00:51:32,894 he made a decision. 917 00:51:33,060 --> 00:51:35,255 But wait, they were healing him by pressure spraying water? 918 00:51:35,460 --> 00:51:36,415 Yes. 919 00:51:36,620 --> 00:51:39,180 How awful! If instead of water, it were wine... 920 00:51:39,380 --> 00:51:41,689 He decided to go to the Indies. 921 00:51:41,900 --> 00:51:45,097 And why to the Indies? What had they done? 922 00:51:45,300 --> 00:51:47,018 I don't understand this story at all. 923 00:51:47,340 --> 00:51:51,936 You will come to understand it in due time, your worship. 924 00:51:52,900 --> 00:51:57,576 As in all the great epics of humanity, Spain was discovered by chance, 925 00:51:58,140 --> 00:52:01,610 because Don Fuas was convinced he was conquering the Indies. 926 00:52:02,020 --> 00:52:03,339 So what's with the Indies, are they hotties? 927 00:52:03,500 --> 00:52:04,853 The Indies are good lands... 928 00:52:05,020 --> 00:52:07,011 That means... 929 00:52:08,140 --> 00:52:09,095 India in sight! 930 00:52:09,300 --> 00:52:10,289 Where? Where? 931 00:52:10,820 --> 00:52:12,970 It's just pretend for argument's sake. 932 00:52:13,780 --> 00:52:17,455 VIERNES, HACE 539 AÑOS 933 00:52:26,220 --> 00:52:28,176 Your worship, to drink on this long journey ahead, 934 00:52:28,340 --> 00:52:29,739 have you brought beers? 935 00:52:30,060 --> 00:52:32,620 I brought what I could, sir. 936 00:52:32,780 --> 00:52:34,816 I thought that en route to the Indies, 937 00:52:35,140 --> 00:52:37,813 we would dock in Badajoz 938 00:52:38,020 --> 00:52:41,615 and have some tapas and a little wine. 939 00:52:41,780 --> 00:52:42,929 Your worship has miscalculated; 940 00:52:43,100 --> 00:52:45,136 we are traveling on a highway without stops. 941 00:52:45,540 --> 00:52:47,690 Very well, how enlightened Don Foola Bogalho. 942 00:52:47,940 --> 00:52:49,817 Fuas, Fuas. 943 00:52:50,300 --> 00:52:53,975 Very well, how enlightened Don Fuas Bogalho. 944 00:52:54,380 --> 00:52:56,848 That way, we can stop at the gas station of Almendrajejo 945 00:52:57,020 --> 00:53:00,296 and buy some sausages that have no skin on the tip. 946 00:53:00,460 --> 00:53:01,609 And then carry on, as fast as possible. 947 00:53:02,020 --> 00:53:02,975 Now that you mention it, 948 00:53:03,260 --> 00:53:05,057 doesn't your worship think we are going exceedingly fast? 949 00:53:05,420 --> 00:53:08,935 Look at the oil on the curve; 950 00:53:09,620 --> 00:53:10,575 observe the danger. 951 00:53:11,140 --> 00:53:13,256 Pray your final prayers, 952 00:53:13,580 --> 00:53:15,935 we are going to have one heck of a crash. 953 00:53:16,780 --> 00:53:17,769 Look out! 954 00:53:28,540 --> 00:53:30,019 The expedition is in great danger 955 00:53:30,700 --> 00:53:33,168 and the gasping skeleton of Don Fuas Bogalho 956 00:53:33,340 --> 00:53:35,171 was scattered all over the sea 957 00:53:35,700 --> 00:53:38,737 as though he were a cat run over on the highway. 958 00:53:38,980 --> 00:53:40,936 Jesus fucking Christ, I busted a headlight! 959 00:53:42,100 --> 00:53:43,089 Calm down! 960 00:53:43,260 --> 00:53:47,378 The great navigators are always successful, keep calm! 961 00:53:47,620 --> 00:53:49,212 I am calm, I just have a broken headlight. 962 00:53:49,380 --> 00:53:50,608 So who's going to pay for my headlight? 963 00:53:50,780 --> 00:53:52,532 Forget the headlight, this is just pretend. 964 00:53:52,820 --> 00:53:54,856 And what about the car insurance? Does it cover pretend headlights? 965 00:53:55,220 --> 00:53:59,133 I suppose it does. 966 00:53:59,300 --> 00:54:00,653 So then it's all taken care of. 967 00:54:01,060 --> 00:54:02,049 Can we proceed 968 00:54:02,220 --> 00:54:07,419 or do the great deeds of navigation have to wait for your Excellency? 969 00:54:09,900 --> 00:54:12,539 Come, Don Falcatruas Rodaballo! 970 00:54:13,060 --> 00:54:15,051 Fuas, Fuas. 971 00:54:15,340 --> 00:54:18,138 Come, for necessity calls for genius. 972 00:54:18,900 --> 00:54:21,698 What are my ears hearing? 973 00:54:22,820 --> 00:54:25,380 Could it be the famous Sirens of Lover's Island, 974 00:54:25,620 --> 00:54:27,053 with their bulging eyes? 975 00:54:27,420 --> 00:54:30,059 With a bit of luck, might we still find Camões? 976 00:54:30,940 --> 00:54:32,817 Have you heard of the Sirens? 977 00:54:33,820 --> 00:54:36,380 The ones who are whales from the waist up, 978 00:54:36,580 --> 00:54:38,059 and salmons from the waist down? 979 00:54:38,220 --> 00:54:40,290 Shit, that's what my wife looks like. 980 00:54:40,460 --> 00:54:42,291 Hurry, hurry, if she finds me here, 981 00:54:42,580 --> 00:54:45,094 she'll beat me so bad my mom won't even be able to save me! 982 00:54:48,340 --> 00:54:49,295 An ass! 983 00:54:49,540 --> 00:54:50,734 Are you talking to me, sir? 984 00:54:50,900 --> 00:54:57,055 No, I'm talking about the donkey that Don Quixote rode. 985 00:54:58,580 --> 00:55:00,810 Put your hands in the shape of a shell... 986 00:55:01,900 --> 00:55:03,299 I really don't think so! 987 00:55:03,540 --> 00:55:07,453 Do it, before you get a taste of violence of my foil! 988 00:55:24,700 --> 00:55:26,531 THE INVASION OF SPAIN 989 00:55:48,140 --> 00:55:49,095 We have arrived. 990 00:55:49,260 --> 00:55:50,215 So I've noticed, sir. 991 00:55:50,380 --> 00:55:53,372 Have you brought mirrors to trade for the necklaces of the natives? 992 00:55:53,620 --> 00:55:54,575 Jesus fucking Christ! 993 00:55:54,820 --> 00:55:57,334 We brought necklaces to trade for mirrors. 994 00:55:57,540 --> 00:55:59,929 No big deal. Let's go have a drink 995 00:56:00,180 --> 00:56:02,569 to quell the scorching dirt from our throats. 996 00:56:11,780 --> 00:56:14,248 You see how I'm famous among the Indians of the Indies! 997 00:56:14,500 --> 00:56:17,298 Are you sure we've never been here before? 998 00:56:17,580 --> 00:56:21,129 I am clearly the first to tread this spot. 999 00:56:25,860 --> 00:56:28,533 And so sons of... 1000 00:56:28,980 --> 00:56:31,619 we have had here for a... long time a score to settle. 1001 00:56:31,940 --> 00:56:33,339 What does that one say? 1002 00:56:33,660 --> 00:56:36,493 I don't understand anything cause he's talking with beeps. 1003 00:56:37,140 --> 00:56:38,459 Let me tell you. 1004 00:56:39,940 --> 00:56:41,293 Toni and Zeze. 1005 00:56:42,340 --> 00:56:45,298 Four grilled pig ears, 3 euros, 1006 00:56:46,020 --> 00:56:50,536 three tripe stews with chick peas, 5 and a half euros, 1007 00:56:51,460 --> 00:56:55,692 eleven sandwiches with gypsy tripe, 24 euros, 1008 00:56:56,220 --> 00:57:01,374 seven hundred thirty four beers 506'304 euros... 1009 00:57:01,900 --> 00:57:05,893 Look, the king of the Indies is trying to communicate with us. 1010 00:57:06,340 --> 00:57:11,289 Saravá, Aloha, Salamalekun... 1011 00:57:11,540 --> 00:57:13,451 He is Don Gasuas. 1012 00:57:13,700 --> 00:57:14,689 Fuas. 1013 00:57:14,940 --> 00:57:19,775 Fuas, Fuas... You Tarzan, me Jane. 1014 00:57:29,660 --> 00:57:32,970 Total of 600 euros and 4 cents. 1015 00:57:33,780 --> 00:57:36,613 Because it's you, we'll round it off to 800 and we're all set. 1016 00:57:37,220 --> 00:57:42,419 Damn, and I thought they'd be friendly to the Portuguese discoverers. 1017 00:57:44,420 --> 00:57:46,251 Pay now while you can, 1018 00:57:46,420 --> 00:57:50,379 or later you'll really have to pay for it, you motherf... 1019 00:57:50,540 --> 00:57:52,212 Do you dare raise your voice; 1020 00:57:52,460 --> 00:57:55,213 you are going to get a whipping on your miserable back, 1021 00:57:55,380 --> 00:57:58,770 in the name of the King, Don Patricc... 1022 00:58:04,020 --> 00:58:09,492 One week, you have one week to pay for what you owe. 1023 00:58:10,500 --> 00:58:14,698 Otherwise I'll... the both of you. 1024 00:58:30,500 --> 00:58:31,535 How lovely! 1025 00:58:31,940 --> 00:58:34,374 Look, sure does like licking that nastiness, no? 1026 00:58:34,860 --> 00:58:36,851 Beat it, goddamn mutt! 1027 00:58:37,020 --> 00:58:38,055 Poor dog. 1028 00:58:38,420 --> 00:58:42,538 Look at him, now all he needs is to bark, 1029 00:58:42,700 --> 00:58:45,214 with those big sad eyes. 1030 00:58:47,380 --> 00:58:49,132 Zeze, this isn't pretend anymore, is it? 1031 00:58:49,380 --> 00:58:50,415 Not anymore. 1032 00:58:50,620 --> 00:58:52,895 Let's go, I have to get up early tomorrow. 1033 00:58:53,060 --> 00:58:54,015 What for? 1034 00:58:54,420 --> 00:58:55,455 Scram, mutt! 1035 00:58:56,340 --> 00:58:57,295 I have to go to the foot doctor 1036 00:58:57,460 --> 00:58:59,530 to have a callus that's been hurting removed. 1037 00:58:59,860 --> 00:59:00,929 But now it doesn't hurt. 1038 00:59:01,500 --> 00:59:03,331 Yeah, it's the only thing that doesn't hurt right now. 1039 00:59:05,500 --> 00:59:06,774 Hurry, hurry Zeze, 1040 00:59:06,940 --> 00:59:08,578 we're getting cobblestones thrown at us! 1041 00:59:09,100 --> 00:59:10,089 Jesus fucking Christ! It's your mother, Toni. 1042 00:59:10,260 --> 00:59:12,091 Go find your father, you dirty drunk. 1043 00:59:12,420 --> 00:59:13,899 Run, run! 1044 00:59:15,500 --> 00:59:17,456 Dona Antonia, what's wrong? 1045 00:59:17,620 --> 00:59:19,417 Why are you throwing stones at us as though we were lberian lynx? 1046 00:59:19,580 --> 00:59:21,571 Run, run Zeze, she's blinder than Mr. Magoo! 1047 00:59:21,780 --> 00:59:24,214 Get out of here, beat it, 1048 00:59:24,420 --> 00:59:26,775 you dirty drunk... 1049 00:59:30,660 --> 00:59:32,059 good for nothing! 1050 00:59:33,420 --> 00:59:35,251 Why does my mother throw stones at me? 1051 00:59:35,500 --> 00:59:37,570 So you'll go look for your father. 1052 00:59:37,780 --> 00:59:39,133 I don't want to. 1053 00:59:39,420 --> 00:59:42,696 You must be waiting for your father to fall out of the sky. 1054 00:59:43,380 --> 00:59:45,974 Toni, if the mouse doesn't go to Mohammed, 1055 00:59:46,140 --> 00:59:47,778 Mohammed goes to the mountain. 1056 00:59:48,020 --> 00:59:48,975 Zeze, do you remember 1057 00:59:49,220 --> 00:59:52,530 when I wasn't in the neighborhood for three years? 1058 00:59:52,900 --> 00:59:54,219 Of course I do, 1059 00:59:54,460 --> 00:59:56,655 they were the best two weeks of my life. 1060 00:59:56,900 --> 01:00:00,097 Zeze, during that time, I was out looking for my father. 1061 01:00:00,300 --> 01:00:01,619 And did you find him? 1062 01:00:02,060 --> 01:00:03,015 I don't think so. 1063 01:00:03,300 --> 01:00:04,255 So... 1064 01:00:04,420 --> 01:00:07,173 No one can accuse me of not having looked. 1065 01:00:07,380 --> 01:00:09,052 Anyway, there are certain people around here 1066 01:00:09,220 --> 01:00:10,812 who'd best keep their mouth shut. 1067 01:00:10,980 --> 01:00:13,494 What? Are you saying I don't love my family? 1068 01:00:14,460 --> 01:00:17,657 For me, the most sacred things that exist are the three "Fs", 1069 01:00:17,820 --> 01:00:20,937 which are the pillars of our nationality: 1070 01:00:21,220 --> 01:00:26,772 FAMILY, FADO, and FOOTBALL, and well, FATIMA... 1071 01:00:27,860 --> 01:00:30,533 Aren't you missing something? 1072 01:00:31,380 --> 01:00:32,574 And FIGO. 1073 01:00:33,260 --> 01:00:35,854 Zeze, nowadays no one pays any mind to that bullshit. 1074 01:00:36,060 --> 01:00:39,211 What's really cool are the three "Ps". 1075 01:00:39,460 --> 01:00:40,449 The three "Ps"? 1076 01:00:40,780 --> 01:00:43,214 PLAYERSTATION, POP-ROCK-IN-THE-NATION... 1077 01:00:43,460 --> 01:00:44,654 and PORNICATION. 1078 01:00:45,700 --> 01:00:47,292 Fucking kids. 1079 01:00:47,460 --> 01:00:50,532 They don't respect the national traditions. 1080 01:00:51,460 --> 01:00:52,859 Speaking of PLAYERSTATION, 1081 01:00:53,260 --> 01:00:56,377 do you have "Brutal Combat Defecation 7"? 1082 01:00:56,580 --> 01:00:59,174 Of course I do, but haven't played it yet. 1083 01:00:59,420 --> 01:01:02,890 What? You still haven't played "Brutal Combat Defecation 7"? 1084 01:01:03,100 --> 01:01:05,614 You are so out, my friend, very out. 1085 01:01:05,780 --> 01:01:08,692 Zeze, I haven't played it yet because it's in your house, you know? 1086 01:01:09,140 --> 01:01:14,533 Just like a ton of your CDs that I have at home. 1087 01:01:14,700 --> 01:01:16,418 One of these days I'm going to sell all that crapola. 1088 01:01:16,580 --> 01:01:18,571 I don't want CDs anymore. I get it all off the internet. 1089 01:01:18,740 --> 01:01:20,173 You get it off the internet? 1090 01:01:20,340 --> 01:01:21,819 You should be ashamed. 1091 01:01:22,020 --> 01:01:23,009 Because of you, 1092 01:01:23,220 --> 01:01:27,054 people like Pitney Sprears get their careers ruined, 1093 01:01:27,260 --> 01:01:29,569 a nice girl who could be your daughter. 1094 01:01:29,780 --> 01:01:35,093 I wish. Sexy mother-brother-fucker... 1095 01:01:38,060 --> 01:01:40,449 Zeze, you have to give back the music to the internet 1096 01:01:40,660 --> 01:01:41,979 where you got it from. 1097 01:01:42,140 --> 01:01:43,812 All right, I'll give back the music 1098 01:01:44,020 --> 01:01:45,772 when you give back the pictures of naked girls. 1099 01:01:45,980 --> 01:01:49,609 Naked girls? But I download them for you... 1100 01:01:49,780 --> 01:01:52,089 Come on, man. Don't push it. 1101 01:01:52,260 --> 01:01:56,219 Boy, are you twisted, I don't even have a computer. 1102 01:01:56,460 --> 01:01:58,052 I did have a computer connection 1103 01:01:58,220 --> 01:02:01,098 to the internet with gastric bandwidth, 1104 01:02:01,300 --> 01:02:03,689 and you took it to your house, asshole. 1105 01:02:03,860 --> 01:02:05,691 It's in my house, but it belongs to you. 1106 01:02:05,940 --> 01:02:06,895 And therefore, 1107 01:02:07,060 --> 01:02:09,130 the one downloading music off internet is you. 1108 01:02:09,300 --> 01:02:10,972 And that's what I'm going to tell the coppers. 1109 01:02:11,180 --> 01:02:12,818 Zeze, don't get the fuzz involved in this. 1110 01:02:12,980 --> 01:02:15,016 Let's solve this problem in a civilized way. 1111 01:02:15,460 --> 01:02:16,859 You're a nervy bastard, man. 1112 01:02:17,060 --> 01:02:20,097 You should give all that filth back to the Internet 1113 01:02:20,300 --> 01:02:21,653 before the cops get here. 1114 01:02:22,180 --> 01:02:23,135 Police! 1115 01:02:24,820 --> 01:02:26,856 Look Zeze, what I was saying. 1116 01:02:27,020 --> 01:02:30,137 This is what the kids call Pornication. 1117 01:02:31,980 --> 01:02:34,050 But didn't this used to be a market? 1118 01:02:34,420 --> 01:02:35,933 Yes, used to, but you know, 1119 01:02:36,140 --> 01:02:37,812 they are tearing down all the most typical stuff. 1120 01:02:37,980 --> 01:02:38,935 How typical. 1121 01:02:39,140 --> 01:02:42,098 You know, instead of being an historic landmark, 1122 01:02:42,340 --> 01:02:44,251 we have a temple of lust and sin. 1123 01:02:45,140 --> 01:02:47,654 For shame! - They have no right! 1124 01:02:50,740 --> 01:02:51,695 Shall we go in? 1125 01:02:51,860 --> 01:02:52,815 Let's go in. 1126 01:03:00,180 --> 01:03:04,970 HELP YOURSELF, GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF THE REST 1127 01:03:07,140 --> 01:03:08,129 Hey, chief! 1128 01:03:08,660 --> 01:03:11,652 That chick there in that orgy there, her name's Lassie right? 1129 01:03:13,020 --> 01:03:17,536 No, it's Tera Patricks, but if you want a movie with Lassie, 1130 01:03:17,700 --> 01:03:20,260 we have some in the section for nutcases. 1131 01:03:20,940 --> 01:03:23,056 Your fucking nutcase mom. 1132 01:03:23,500 --> 01:03:24,455 See how you like getting 1133 01:03:24,660 --> 01:03:25,979 that machine crammed down your throat! 1134 01:03:26,740 --> 01:03:29,208 Your place or mine, sweetie? 1135 01:03:31,700 --> 01:03:32,655 Toni! 1136 01:03:35,420 --> 01:03:36,739 Hang on, I'll be right there. 1137 01:03:39,020 --> 01:03:42,490 That's amazing, what crazy chicks. 1138 01:03:42,820 --> 01:03:44,299 They don't even know the guy and look what they do to him! 1139 01:03:44,980 --> 01:03:45,935 Let me watch the rest. 1140 01:03:46,100 --> 01:03:47,613 But Toni, are you inside there? 1141 01:03:48,260 --> 01:03:49,579 No, it's another guy who's inside. 1142 01:03:50,100 --> 01:03:51,249 That's too bad! 1143 01:03:51,460 --> 01:03:54,452 The thing is, there are some girls here who'd drive you crazy. 1144 01:03:54,780 --> 01:03:55,735 Holy shit! 1145 01:04:02,500 --> 01:04:03,489 Gotta coin? 1146 01:04:04,060 --> 01:04:05,015 Want me to coin you? 1147 01:04:05,300 --> 01:04:06,255 Yeah, coin me. 1148 01:04:07,700 --> 01:04:08,655 Here. 1149 01:04:09,500 --> 01:04:10,728 And I won't touch that shit 1150 01:04:11,260 --> 01:04:13,615 'cause I'm not vaccinated against the paleontomielitica fever. 1151 01:04:14,020 --> 01:04:16,329 Take it and put it in the slot. 1152 01:04:17,020 --> 01:04:21,377 Zeze, I'm sure that place is full of naked hot chicks. 1153 01:04:21,940 --> 01:04:22,895 Fuck. 1154 01:04:23,060 --> 01:04:24,015 Put it in. 1155 01:04:30,540 --> 01:04:32,098 In two words: A-mazing. 1156 01:04:32,420 --> 01:04:34,138 They're incredible! 1157 01:04:34,980 --> 01:04:38,256 Zeze, how the fuck do they make the stage turn like that? 1158 01:04:38,580 --> 01:04:40,252 That they do with slave labor. 1159 01:04:40,540 --> 01:04:41,495 Down below there are a bunch 1160 01:04:41,660 --> 01:04:44,697 of Uranium, Romanium, Bulgarium dwarves... 1161 01:04:45,100 --> 01:04:47,011 all pushing the wheel. 1162 01:04:47,500 --> 01:04:51,573 This country is full Africans, poor things, 1163 01:04:51,860 --> 01:04:53,851 their backs must kill them 1164 01:04:54,140 --> 01:04:55,971 from pushing around those buff hotties. 1165 01:04:56,660 --> 01:04:59,538 Quiet, we're watching the girls! 1166 01:05:03,300 --> 01:05:04,892 So, will you give me a coin? 1167 01:05:05,100 --> 01:05:06,055 What for? 1168 01:05:06,220 --> 01:05:07,175 For the girls. 1169 01:05:07,340 --> 01:05:08,489 And you think the girls are going to let you see something 1170 01:05:08,700 --> 01:05:09,655 for a fucking coin? 1171 01:05:09,820 --> 01:05:11,378 Give me a coin or I'll smash your face in! 1172 01:05:12,020 --> 01:05:13,499 All right, here. 1173 01:05:15,660 --> 01:05:16,649 Have fun. 1174 01:05:20,180 --> 01:05:21,329 What I really liked was to be there 1175 01:05:21,500 --> 01:05:24,492 in the midst of it all giving it to them. 1176 01:05:24,980 --> 01:05:30,418 Take it, bitch; you want a pork rod? 1177 01:05:30,620 --> 01:05:35,853 I'm right here for ya, slut. 1178 01:05:36,340 --> 01:05:38,331 Take it, whore! 1179 01:05:40,980 --> 01:05:42,129 Watch me Toni. 1180 01:05:42,380 --> 01:05:45,258 I'm going to show you how to treat these scrubbers. 1181 01:05:45,820 --> 01:05:47,299 You're watching right, Toni? 1182 01:05:48,740 --> 01:05:50,810 Where did that asshole go to? 1183 01:05:52,140 --> 01:05:53,209 Let go of me! 1184 01:05:53,460 --> 01:05:54,415 Toni! 1185 01:05:54,580 --> 01:05:55,535 Zeze! 1186 01:06:04,940 --> 01:06:06,578 Psalm 69. 1187 01:06:07,260 --> 01:06:09,376 Though I walk in the valley of death, 1188 01:06:09,620 --> 01:06:12,930 I shall never fear, for the Lord is at my side. 1189 01:06:14,300 --> 01:06:16,450 I do not see Him, but I know He is with me. 1190 01:06:17,620 --> 01:06:19,531 I other words, I'm on my way... 1191 01:06:36,300 --> 01:06:40,179 For you, they're hotties, pieces of ass, 1192 01:06:40,780 --> 01:06:43,533 but when Toni jumped on top of those sluts, 1193 01:06:43,740 --> 01:06:47,369 Don Zeze decided that that was a filthy place. 1194 01:06:47,700 --> 01:06:49,531 Toni, the light! 1195 01:06:49,780 --> 01:06:51,259 Light, you want light? 1196 01:06:51,540 --> 01:06:53,451 I'll give you light all right; 1197 01:06:53,660 --> 01:06:56,094 I'm going to give you a hundred thousand amps in your face; 1198 01:06:56,260 --> 01:06:57,693 then you'll know what light is. 1199 01:07:00,460 --> 01:07:01,415 Did you like it? 1200 01:07:01,620 --> 01:07:07,377 Don Zeze might be there like a champion giving it to the sluts. 1201 01:07:08,220 --> 01:07:12,532 But when it's everyone else's turn, he starts kicking about like a mule. 1202 01:07:13,340 --> 01:07:15,331 I don't understand anything. 1203 01:07:15,780 --> 01:07:20,012 And I saw the light and I saw God and the Lord. 1204 01:07:20,740 --> 01:07:22,651 And where there's smoke there's fire! 1205 01:07:22,860 --> 01:07:25,693 In the fire were the ladies, with my smoke-cured body. 1206 01:07:25,900 --> 01:07:28,778 One of them told me: It's the typical body of a smoker. 1207 01:07:29,060 --> 01:07:30,652 But then Mr. Zeze couldn't keep 1208 01:07:30,820 --> 01:07:35,689 his trap shut while the rest of us had a bit of fun. 1209 01:07:35,980 --> 01:07:37,857 I am the Messiah 1210 01:07:38,060 --> 01:07:40,938 and you all will not silence the word of the Lord. 1211 01:07:41,100 --> 01:07:42,692 I'll tell you all about how you're going to shut up. 1212 01:07:42,980 --> 01:07:46,416 I'm gonna give you a half liter of Prozoc with morphine 1213 01:07:46,620 --> 01:07:48,656 to see if you shut the fuck up for once. 1214 01:07:48,860 --> 01:07:50,657 The one speaking here is me. 1215 01:07:54,180 --> 01:07:58,059 You don't understand me, Toni. I'm a new man. 1216 01:07:58,780 --> 01:08:02,489 I've done an about face of 380 degrees in my life. 1217 01:08:02,900 --> 01:08:05,698 And now it looks like everything is starting over. 1218 01:08:05,980 --> 01:08:07,129 Shut up. 1219 01:08:07,340 --> 01:08:13,609 I was the one who they beat up and vilified because of Mr. Zeze. 1220 01:08:13,860 --> 01:08:17,375 That is going to be the yell of Tarzan. 1221 01:08:17,940 --> 01:08:19,168 Geronimo! 1222 01:08:21,340 --> 01:08:23,092 Do you remember when I did jumping-jumping 1223 01:08:23,300 --> 01:08:27,737 with the bungee cords and I hit that stone in the river? 1224 01:08:28,300 --> 01:08:31,531 Where were you again my friend? 1225 01:08:32,060 --> 01:08:34,733 I was drowning; I jumped before you did. 1226 01:08:35,820 --> 01:08:36,935 Geronimo! 1227 01:08:40,020 --> 01:08:45,299 And where was that ass when I ran over my dog? 1228 01:08:45,940 --> 01:08:48,090 It was clutching onto the wheel, 1229 01:08:48,300 --> 01:08:51,736 because it was partying with the dog when you ran over it. 1230 01:08:52,420 --> 01:08:53,773 Geronimo! 1231 01:10:08,300 --> 01:10:11,098 What the hell is that? Goats? 1232 01:10:12,860 --> 01:10:16,455 They aren't goats. This is my herd, little lassy. 1233 01:10:17,220 --> 01:10:18,892 Lassy? 1234 01:10:19,540 --> 01:10:26,252 What about you? What animal are you? Half bird, half bat, and half bug. 1235 01:10:26,660 --> 01:10:29,572 If you ever get painted red, you'll look like Batman. 1236 01:10:32,580 --> 01:10:38,689 Sit down, pull yourself together, man, you're in a state of shocke. 1237 01:10:39,580 --> 01:10:41,730 Of shocke? Don't tell me about shocks, goddammit. 1238 01:10:41,900 --> 01:10:43,538 If only a bolt of lightning had struck that fucking Hemmingway 1239 01:10:43,700 --> 01:10:46,498 or whoever it was who helped him to invent electricity! 1240 01:10:48,820 --> 01:10:51,095 What the fuck are we doing here anyway? 1241 01:10:52,180 --> 01:10:55,331 Look around you; what is it you see? 1242 01:10:57,580 --> 01:11:03,450 Nothing, I don't see anything. Just white and goats. 1243 01:11:04,620 --> 01:11:06,133 You are in a coma; 1244 01:11:07,740 --> 01:11:11,699 you are one step away from entering the kingdom of the heavens. 1245 01:11:14,540 --> 01:11:15,893 Hang on a sec. 1246 01:11:16,060 --> 01:11:19,655 Who is it I have the pleasure of speaking to? 1247 01:11:20,300 --> 01:11:22,655 Don't you recognize me, Zezinho? 1248 01:11:23,020 --> 01:11:23,975 I really don't think so! 1249 01:11:24,140 --> 01:11:27,416 Remember who took you in arms so often as a child. 1250 01:11:27,620 --> 01:11:30,339 You were a wee child who was always spitting your pacifier out 1251 01:11:30,500 --> 01:11:32,491 because of the bad blood in your mouth. 1252 01:11:33,100 --> 01:11:34,931 Who the fuck are you? The pediatrician? 1253 01:11:35,460 --> 01:11:40,295 No, Zezinho, I'm the father of your great friend Toni. 1254 01:11:40,860 --> 01:11:43,169 Hey man, don't talk to me about that dude. 1255 01:11:43,420 --> 01:11:45,695 That asshole electrocuted the hell out of me. 1256 01:11:46,020 --> 01:11:47,772 If I hadn't been grabbing onto the cot, 1257 01:11:47,940 --> 01:11:49,293 he would have been the one here. 1258 01:11:50,860 --> 01:11:52,612 Anyway, it was the way to meet the father. 1259 01:11:53,820 --> 01:11:55,219 Toni's father? 1260 01:11:57,260 --> 01:11:58,852 Don't tell me you're Toni's father? 1261 01:11:59,780 --> 01:12:00,895 What are you deaf? 1262 01:12:01,620 --> 01:12:03,929 You are Toni's father, of course, 1263 01:12:04,260 --> 01:12:07,809 that's where he gets that bat look from. 1264 01:12:08,060 --> 01:12:09,891 That and his thing for eating corn nuts. 1265 01:12:10,820 --> 01:12:12,617 The guy is always fucking eating corn nuts. 1266 01:12:12,780 --> 01:12:14,657 Never seen anything like it. 1267 01:12:15,260 --> 01:12:17,171 It's the power of genetics. 1268 01:12:17,700 --> 01:12:20,976 Could be. I don't know anything about that. 1269 01:12:21,180 --> 01:12:25,617 From your family, I just know Toni himself, 1270 01:12:25,860 --> 01:12:31,378 his mother of course, and now I'm getting to know you. 1271 01:12:33,140 --> 01:12:36,769 Wait, but if I am in a coma, 1272 01:12:37,380 --> 01:12:41,578 and you and I are both here, dressed in white, 1273 01:12:42,020 --> 01:12:44,978 there a damn nice breeze blowing. 1274 01:12:45,140 --> 01:12:48,496 If everything's white and we have goats and everything, 1275 01:12:48,700 --> 01:12:50,736 does this mean we're in heaven? 1276 01:12:51,500 --> 01:12:55,413 Not exactly heaven; you're at the front door. 1277 01:12:55,820 --> 01:12:58,015 I'm Saint Peter's assistant. 1278 01:12:58,900 --> 01:13:00,128 Saint Peter's assistant? 1279 01:13:00,300 --> 01:13:01,255 In other words, 1280 01:13:01,420 --> 01:13:02,614 I'm wasting my time here with a fucking assistant? 1281 01:13:02,820 --> 01:13:04,048 I want to speak to Saint Peter; 1282 01:13:04,220 --> 01:13:07,530 I want Saint Peter here immediately! 1283 01:13:08,100 --> 01:13:09,613 St. Peter is on leave. 1284 01:13:10,260 --> 01:13:11,215 He's had a breakdown 1285 01:13:11,420 --> 01:13:13,217 and doesn't even remember his own name. 1286 01:13:13,820 --> 01:13:17,893 But the most fucked up thing about it is that he blames me for it. 1287 01:13:19,100 --> 01:13:22,297 Fuck, shit happens. 1288 01:13:24,780 --> 01:13:26,736 But wait, what's my deal then; 1289 01:13:26,980 --> 01:13:29,778 am I dead or do I have to go back down? 1290 01:13:30,460 --> 01:13:34,373 The day you will have to come to heaven has not yet come. 1291 01:13:34,700 --> 01:13:36,770 And because of the things you are doing, 1292 01:13:36,940 --> 01:13:38,692 I don't think you're ever going to make it. 1293 01:13:39,380 --> 01:13:44,738 It's true. I'm a thug and I deserve nothing. 1294 01:13:44,900 --> 01:13:46,538 And I don't even deserve the ground I step on 1295 01:13:46,700 --> 01:13:48,372 or the air I breathe. 1296 01:13:48,780 --> 01:13:51,977 Punish me, punish me, 1297 01:13:52,220 --> 01:13:54,575 hit me with your cane on this side of my head 1298 01:13:54,820 --> 01:13:55,775 where it hurts most. 1299 01:13:55,940 --> 01:13:58,170 Aggressions are not allowed in heaven. 1300 01:13:59,300 --> 01:14:01,860 But since you ask me to. Take that! 1301 01:14:04,780 --> 01:14:08,693 Fuck, what is that, solid oak or quincewood? 1302 01:14:08,900 --> 01:14:12,859 And now go in peace and carry out your mission. 1303 01:14:13,660 --> 01:14:17,892 Leave here and go to a monastery, to the quietest one you find, 1304 01:14:18,060 --> 01:14:23,771 and quit fucking everyone around! 1305 01:14:24,220 --> 01:14:26,893 Okay, okay. Can I kiss your hand? 1306 01:14:27,060 --> 01:14:29,210 No, don't be such a pussy! 1307 01:14:30,180 --> 01:14:33,092 Let me tell ya, fella! 1308 01:14:34,260 --> 01:14:37,138 Do you want me to give your son a message? 1309 01:14:38,060 --> 01:14:39,891 Tell him that one day 1310 01:14:40,060 --> 01:14:43,416 he'll be a great man because he'll go... 1311 01:14:44,780 --> 01:14:46,896 Wait, I didn't get that last part. 1312 01:14:47,460 --> 01:14:50,736 Isn't there a piece of paper around to jot down a little note? 1313 01:14:52,820 --> 01:14:54,856 Fuck, you all here in heaven live like Gods, 1314 01:14:55,420 --> 01:14:56,648 two-ply and everything. 1315 01:14:56,900 --> 01:14:58,299 What was that... 1316 01:15:00,500 --> 01:15:03,856 Farewell, little lassy. 1317 01:15:08,260 --> 01:15:12,970 The constellation Booties... was your favorite. 1318 01:15:14,180 --> 01:15:15,579 I'm sorry Zeze. 1319 01:15:16,180 --> 01:15:18,614 I shouldn't have given you so many shockes. 1320 01:15:19,860 --> 01:15:21,851 Now you're in a coma 1321 01:15:22,140 --> 01:15:25,098 and your lighter might go out at any time now. 1322 01:15:25,700 --> 01:15:27,213 You're my best friend 1323 01:15:27,460 --> 01:15:30,338 and now you're just a body lying on a hospital bed, 1324 01:15:30,740 --> 01:15:35,894 with tubes in your nose and drains all over the place. 1325 01:15:37,980 --> 01:15:39,129 It's not fair. 1326 01:15:40,300 --> 01:15:43,656 Where am I going to find another friend like you? 1327 01:15:45,420 --> 01:15:48,730 Because friends like you don't just fall out of the sky... 1328 01:15:55,380 --> 01:15:58,099 Zeze? It worked! 1329 01:15:59,500 --> 01:16:04,893 Hot chicks, money, and crates of beer don't just fall out of the sky. 1330 01:16:05,820 --> 01:16:07,014 I'm all fucked up. 1331 01:16:07,500 --> 01:16:10,492 Jesus, I shouldn't have said the words the same way. 1332 01:16:10,860 --> 01:16:14,091 Zeze, what happened to you, where have you been? 1333 01:16:14,260 --> 01:16:17,935 Don't ask me stupid questions! 1334 01:16:18,620 --> 01:16:20,815 But weren't you in a coma? - No. 1335 01:16:20,980 --> 01:16:22,971 So then I'd better split before you start beating me. 1336 01:16:23,140 --> 01:16:25,779 Wait. The one who's gonna split is me. 1337 01:16:26,180 --> 01:16:29,889 I come from the world of the dead and I'm a new man. 1338 01:16:30,500 --> 01:16:32,377 I'm only interested in the spiritual. 1339 01:16:32,540 --> 01:16:34,849 Material things do not matter to me at all. 1340 01:16:35,020 --> 01:16:36,135 Give me your car keys. 1341 01:16:36,380 --> 01:16:39,417 What keys? I've hot-wired it ever since I bought it. 1342 01:16:40,460 --> 01:16:43,896 Let me tell ya, fella! I'm outta here, friend. 1343 01:16:44,060 --> 01:16:45,698 You'll never see me again. 1344 01:16:45,900 --> 01:16:49,210 I'm going to a monastery because the faith is calling me. 1345 01:16:49,500 --> 01:16:50,455 The café is too? 1346 01:16:50,620 --> 01:16:51,814 No, the faith is calling me. 1347 01:16:52,140 --> 01:16:53,095 Without coffee. 1348 01:16:54,380 --> 01:16:55,335 Yes, without coffee. 1349 01:16:56,020 --> 01:16:58,136 It's true, your father sent me 1350 01:16:58,820 --> 01:17:02,290 to tell you that you will be a great man 1351 01:17:02,700 --> 01:17:04,895 because you are going to save... 1352 01:17:06,780 --> 01:17:10,011 What are you talking about? 1353 01:17:10,580 --> 01:17:13,378 I said your father sent me to tell you that one day, 1354 01:17:13,580 --> 01:17:15,298 you will be a great man because you'll go to... 1355 01:17:17,020 --> 01:17:18,339 Why am I going where? 1356 01:17:18,500 --> 01:17:20,456 Jesus fucking Christ! I didn't hear a goddamn thing! 1357 01:17:21,940 --> 01:17:25,296 UPON NIGHTFALL 1358 01:17:31,180 --> 01:17:35,458 Zeze, where is my father? What the fuck were you saying? 1359 01:17:35,700 --> 01:17:38,453 Toni, if you want to look for your father, 1360 01:17:38,700 --> 01:17:40,975 you have to look inside yourself, 1361 01:17:41,220 --> 01:17:43,734 but then afterwards outside as well... 1362 01:17:43,940 --> 01:17:45,817 he might be outside. 1363 01:17:46,020 --> 01:17:48,488 Enough Chinese proverbs, goddammit. 1364 01:17:49,220 --> 01:17:51,051 Alright, what is it you want, Toni? 1365 01:17:51,580 --> 01:17:54,890 Do you want to read the writings that your father left for you? 1366 01:17:55,140 --> 01:17:56,414 If they existed. 1367 01:17:56,660 --> 01:17:58,935 Exist they do exist, it's just that... 1368 01:17:59,100 --> 01:18:03,298 Of course they don't. How absurd. 1369 01:18:03,580 --> 01:18:05,377 In your father's days, there wasn't even paper. 1370 01:18:05,820 --> 01:18:09,176 They all wrote everything in cave walls. 1371 01:18:09,780 --> 01:18:11,657 Like those cave paintings in Altamira. 1372 01:18:11,940 --> 01:18:14,659 Do you get it? But that doesn't interest anyone. 1373 01:18:14,900 --> 01:18:17,130 They usually flood it all so people won't read it. 1374 01:18:17,300 --> 01:18:20,053 Zeze, I know very well there was paper, 1375 01:18:20,220 --> 01:18:22,859 because my mother said that my father used up 1376 01:18:23,100 --> 01:18:28,128 seven trees of toilet paper every time he sat on the can. 1377 01:18:28,380 --> 01:18:30,052 Toilet paper isn't paper. 1378 01:18:30,380 --> 01:18:36,899 Zeze, give me those papers. I'll give you everything you want. 1379 01:18:37,100 --> 01:18:38,249 I'm not for sale. 1380 01:18:39,260 --> 01:18:40,295 Everything, everything? 1381 01:18:40,620 --> 01:18:44,215 What is it you want, jewels, amethyst, sapphire, rubies? 1382 01:18:44,380 --> 01:18:47,099 No, I don't want immaterial things. 1383 01:18:47,300 --> 01:18:50,929 I'll settle for a blanket and some garlic soup, 1384 01:18:51,180 --> 01:18:53,216 two desert grasshoppers... 1385 01:18:53,540 --> 01:18:55,132 Do you want ingots of gold? 1386 01:18:55,380 --> 01:18:59,168 Cause I'll take my car and crash it into the Bank of Portugal! 1387 01:18:59,340 --> 01:19:00,295 No. 1388 01:19:00,460 --> 01:19:02,416 I know. You want luxury cars? 1389 01:19:02,580 --> 01:19:03,535 No. 1390 01:19:03,700 --> 01:19:05,292 Zeze, what about one of those mansions 1391 01:19:05,500 --> 01:19:10,290 with pure, fourteen kilowatt gold doors? 1392 01:19:10,500 --> 01:19:23,618 No, no, Toni, I want something more simple, something symbolic. 1393 01:19:23,900 --> 01:19:26,494 Golly this is starting to be a guessing game 1394 01:19:26,780 --> 01:19:29,214 like Trivial Samsonite. 1395 01:19:29,700 --> 01:19:36,811 Toni, I just want your friendship. 1396 01:19:38,420 --> 01:19:39,773 Friend. 1397 01:19:43,300 --> 01:19:44,779 ... and little more. 1398 01:19:49,540 --> 01:19:53,453 Toni, do you remember the debt we have with the Lambretas? 1399 01:19:53,740 --> 01:19:54,695 Sort of. 1400 01:19:55,700 --> 01:19:59,932 I'm a saintly man and I cannot take on debts. 1401 01:20:00,340 --> 01:20:04,777 It's heresy. If you paid debt, we'd be left in... 1402 01:20:05,140 --> 01:20:07,335 And that way I'd learn about the messages from my father? 1403 01:20:07,700 --> 01:20:08,735 That too. 1404 01:20:10,540 --> 01:20:12,690 Zeze, you're not going to believe it. 1405 01:20:12,940 --> 01:20:13,895 Of course not. 1406 01:20:14,260 --> 01:20:16,057 But I've already paid off the Lambretas debt. 1407 01:20:16,380 --> 01:20:19,099 And so if that's the problem, it's already taken care of. 1408 01:20:19,420 --> 01:20:21,092 Come on, tell me what my father said... 1409 01:20:21,660 --> 01:20:24,732 Wait, how did you pay off the debt? 1410 01:20:24,940 --> 01:20:27,613 If you don't even have money to buy bread. 1411 01:20:27,780 --> 01:20:30,738 Well, with my collection of antique glazed whisky bottles. 1412 01:20:31,140 --> 01:20:32,095 No. 1413 01:20:32,260 --> 01:20:33,215 Yes. 1414 01:20:33,380 --> 01:20:34,574 No. - Yes. 1415 01:20:34,820 --> 01:20:39,496 But I thought you were going to keep that bottle collection 1416 01:20:39,700 --> 01:20:40,815 for your little daughter's wedding! 1417 01:20:40,980 --> 01:20:44,450 Forget it, she's uglier than a retread tire. 1418 01:20:44,620 --> 01:20:47,418 And I'm telling you, 1419 01:20:47,580 --> 01:20:51,573 you don't owe anyone anything, especially me. 1420 01:20:51,980 --> 01:20:53,049 Alright, what is it you want, man? 1421 01:20:53,220 --> 01:20:56,929 I'm a softie and I'll give you everything I have. 1422 01:20:57,180 --> 01:20:58,499 You're a good man. 1423 01:20:58,740 --> 01:20:59,809 To say nothing bad about you. 1424 01:21:00,740 --> 01:21:02,492 If I'd known, I'd have asked for something else. 1425 01:21:02,700 --> 01:21:06,295 Come on, that's enough. Let's get on about my father. 1426 01:21:15,940 --> 01:21:17,214 What box is that, Zeze? 1427 01:21:18,180 --> 01:21:21,331 That's not a box. It's a chest. 1428 01:21:21,540 --> 01:21:22,495 We're going to see 1429 01:21:22,700 --> 01:21:24,133 if they have frozen veggie soup and fish sticks. 1430 01:21:24,940 --> 01:21:26,134 This fucking torch keeps dripping off shit, 1431 01:21:26,300 --> 01:21:27,779 goddammit. 1432 01:21:27,940 --> 01:21:28,895 Fuck it! 1433 01:21:38,420 --> 01:21:41,173 Toni, this chest contains 1434 01:21:41,380 --> 01:21:44,656 what you have been looking for for so long. 1435 01:21:44,820 --> 01:21:46,094 The football sticker collection? 1436 01:21:46,420 --> 01:21:47,375 No, dumbfuck. 1437 01:21:47,860 --> 01:21:49,816 The Pokemon collection? 1438 01:21:50,180 --> 01:21:57,734 No, your father's writings. The last message he gave you is here. 1439 01:21:58,060 --> 01:21:59,049 Great! 1440 01:22:00,540 --> 01:22:01,655 Toni, did you fart? 1441 01:22:01,820 --> 01:22:02,809 Not now. 1442 01:22:03,220 --> 01:22:04,892 It's just that it smells like rotten old man, 1443 01:22:05,100 --> 01:22:06,055 what the fuck did you eat? 1444 01:22:06,300 --> 01:22:08,097 Some corn nuts and a beer. 1445 01:22:08,260 --> 01:22:09,215 Actually the truth is, 1446 01:22:09,540 --> 01:22:13,613 the one who ate the corn nuts was Popeye. 1447 01:22:14,580 --> 01:22:18,175 Toni, there's something strange here, don't you feel it? 1448 01:22:20,220 --> 01:22:23,371 Zeze, I don't want to bear false witness, 1449 01:22:23,540 --> 01:22:27,977 but do you happen to have an extinguisher or water? 1450 01:22:28,300 --> 01:22:29,528 Now you're thirsty? 1451 01:22:29,700 --> 01:22:32,214 Thirsty no, there's a lack of moisture. 1452 01:22:32,420 --> 01:22:33,933 And now you want moisture? 1453 01:22:34,100 --> 01:22:40,096 Go climb up the mountain and jump down the well, why don't ya! 1454 01:22:40,300 --> 01:22:41,415 In other words, no water at all then? 1455 01:22:41,580 --> 01:22:43,093 None. You're pissing me off, and now what? 1456 01:22:43,340 --> 01:22:45,729 Now let it burn and let God's will be done. 1457 01:22:45,900 --> 01:22:47,015 But let what burn? 1458 01:22:47,580 --> 01:22:48,569 Your suit. 1459 01:22:49,820 --> 01:22:52,129 Toni, I'm burning up here 1460 01:22:52,420 --> 01:22:55,378 and you don't say anything? 1461 01:22:55,620 --> 01:22:58,259 I didn't want you to get upset. 1462 01:22:58,420 --> 01:22:59,375 Water, water! 1463 01:22:59,540 --> 01:23:00,893 You see, you're upset. 1464 01:23:01,140 --> 01:23:03,529 Put it out, anyway you can! 1465 01:23:04,580 --> 01:23:05,899 What if I piss on it? 1466 01:23:06,540 --> 01:23:09,691 Yeah, good idea, but make it quick. 1467 01:23:10,340 --> 01:23:13,093 Goddammit, the chest is also burning. 1468 01:23:13,340 --> 01:23:14,739 And I'm not sure I have enough liquid for everything, 1469 01:23:14,900 --> 01:23:16,299 I'm not a human tanker! 1470 01:23:16,460 --> 01:23:18,098 Toni, don't you dare. 1471 01:23:18,500 --> 01:23:22,209 Now piss on me or I'll beat you to a pulp! 1472 01:23:22,620 --> 01:23:24,451 I don't know what to do. 1473 01:23:24,620 --> 01:23:27,418 My father's writings will be lost forever. 1474 01:23:27,740 --> 01:23:35,249 The T and the O, To. The N and the I, Ni. 1475 01:23:35,460 --> 01:23:39,499 To... Ni... 1476 01:23:43,980 --> 01:23:45,299 What a relief! 1477 01:23:48,620 --> 01:23:50,019 Thank you, friend. 1478 01:23:53,700 --> 01:23:57,136 What you've done is proof of great friendship. 1479 01:23:57,940 --> 01:24:01,489 I don't know if I would have done the same for you. Give me a hug... 1480 01:24:01,660 --> 01:24:05,369 No, don't hug me. Gross. We'd best get outta here. 1481 01:24:05,820 --> 01:24:08,050 You're right, let's go. 1482 01:24:20,700 --> 01:24:23,294 Let's go Tonimobile, save your owner, 1483 01:24:23,460 --> 01:24:27,055 just like he's saved you so many times. Come on! 1484 01:24:40,220 --> 01:24:41,175 I know. 1485 01:24:41,340 --> 01:24:42,329 What? 1486 01:24:42,500 --> 01:24:44,650 I know what it was your father said. 1487 01:24:45,340 --> 01:24:46,375 And so, the chest? 1488 01:24:46,540 --> 01:24:48,212 Forget the goddamn chest, it doesn't matter. 1489 01:24:48,420 --> 01:24:49,899 The important thing is what your father told me. 1490 01:24:50,260 --> 01:24:55,050 Your father said that you'd prove to be a great man. 1491 01:24:55,700 --> 01:24:56,655 No. 1492 01:24:56,820 --> 01:24:59,414 Yes, and you'd save a great friend of yours 1493 01:24:59,580 --> 01:25:00,854 from certain death, 1494 01:25:01,060 --> 01:25:03,893 and leave behind everything that meant most to you. 1495 01:25:06,220 --> 01:25:07,175 Zeze! 1496 01:25:07,420 --> 01:25:08,455 Toni! 1497 01:25:12,980 --> 01:25:14,015 What joy! 1498 01:25:14,860 --> 01:25:17,135 Now all I need to know is who that friend 1499 01:25:17,300 --> 01:25:19,256 I'm going to save from certain death is, 1500 01:25:19,500 --> 01:25:22,219 leaving behind everything that means the most. 1501 01:25:22,500 --> 01:25:23,728 Who might that guy be? 1502 01:25:24,620 --> 01:25:27,373 Zeze, I have to go, my friend. 1503 01:25:27,660 --> 01:25:30,015 Because if my father says that that is my fate, 1504 01:25:30,340 --> 01:25:33,730 I have to travel the world in search of the man I have to save. 1505 01:25:33,980 --> 01:25:36,448 He must be pissed off waiting for me. 1506 01:25:36,700 --> 01:25:45,130 Toni, but what about your home and our neighborhood? 1507 01:25:45,340 --> 01:25:49,015 Everyone is waiting to celebrate my return. 1508 01:25:49,300 --> 01:25:51,416 Zeze, I haven't been back to the neighborhood in one month, 1509 01:25:51,700 --> 01:25:53,179 and now I'll make the most of it 1510 01:25:53,380 --> 01:25:56,019 and be four or five years without setting foot there. 1511 01:25:56,420 --> 01:25:58,650 You haven't been to the neighborhood in one month? 1512 01:25:58,900 --> 01:26:01,175 Of course, one month has passed 1513 01:26:01,340 --> 01:26:03,649 and we haven't paid the Lambretas debt. 1514 01:26:03,900 --> 01:26:08,416 If they find us, they are going to beat the shit outta ya. 1515 01:26:08,620 --> 01:26:09,894 Boy, is that a good one! 1516 01:26:10,060 --> 01:26:11,288 But you told me back there that you'd paid it off. 1517 01:26:11,660 --> 01:26:13,571 I told lots of lies before that message 1518 01:26:13,780 --> 01:26:15,771 that transformed me into a serious man. 1519 01:26:16,900 --> 01:26:19,334 Goodbye, let me tellya, fella! 1520 01:26:19,980 --> 01:26:24,451 Friend, whoever it is you are and however far you go, 1521 01:26:24,740 --> 01:26:28,619 be it Sintra, Cascais, Estoril... 1522 01:26:29,140 --> 01:26:31,654 get ready because Toni is here to the rescue. 1523 01:26:35,540 --> 01:26:38,373 High ho Silver! 1524 01:26:44,580 --> 01:26:47,140 TO BE CONTINUED...