1 00:00:02,470 --> 00:00:05,439 CAPTIONING SPONSORED BY THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION 2 00:00:05,539 --> 00:00:06,607 ( yelps ) 3 00:00:06,707 --> 00:00:07,808 ( barks ) 4 00:00:22,156 --> 00:00:25,393 ( electric guitar playing ) 5 00:00:25,493 --> 00:00:28,396 ( man singing scat ) 6 00:00:28,496 --> 00:00:29,830 ( barks ) 7 00:00:32,666 --> 00:00:34,335 COOL! WHOA! 8 00:00:34,435 --> 00:00:35,436 ( thwack ) 9 00:00:36,804 --> 00:00:38,139 ( barks ) 10 00:00:56,357 --> 00:01:00,861 ( whimpering ) 11 00:01:00,961 --> 00:01:02,463 ( crying out ) 12 00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:06,567 Doug: IN ALL MY DAYS AT THE BLUFFINGTON SCHOOL 13 00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:10,070 I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SEE ROGER STOOP TO THIS. 14 00:01:10,171 --> 00:01:11,105 ( screaming ) 15 00:01:11,205 --> 00:01:14,007 FUNNIE, YOU GOT TO HELP ME. 16 00:01:14,108 --> 00:01:16,344 IF YOU HELP ME OUT THIS TIME 17 00:01:16,444 --> 00:01:18,579 I PROMISE, PROMISE, PROMISE 18 00:01:18,679 --> 00:01:22,150 I'LL NEVER DO A ROTTEN THING TO YOU AGAIN. 19 00:01:22,250 --> 00:01:23,251 ( gasps ) 20 00:01:25,553 --> 00:01:26,587 ( footsteps ) 21 00:01:26,687 --> 00:01:27,588 ( hinge creaks ) 22 00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:28,689 ( barks ) 23 00:01:30,358 --> 00:01:31,625 THAT'S ME. 24 00:01:33,694 --> 00:01:34,628 HEY! 25 00:01:34,728 --> 00:01:36,430 ( barks ) 26 00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:37,531 ( yelps ) 27 00:01:42,703 --> 00:01:47,107 IT ALL STARTED THE OTHER DAY BEFORE SCHOOL. 28 00:01:47,208 --> 00:01:49,610 Mr. Bone: Attention, students. 29 00:01:49,710 --> 00:01:51,912 Some of you may have heard 30 00:01:52,012 --> 00:01:55,916 there will be a new addition to our school today-- 31 00:01:56,016 --> 00:01:57,785 my nephew, Percy Femur. 32 00:01:57,885 --> 00:02:02,723 I expect you all to treat Percy like you would any new student 33 00:02:02,823 --> 00:02:05,025 who happens to be my nephew. 34 00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:08,596 I REMEMBER HOW ROUGH IT WAS BEING THE NEW KID. 35 00:02:08,696 --> 00:02:11,665 WE OUGHT TO FORM A WELCOMING COMMITTEE. 36 00:02:11,765 --> 00:02:14,668 I THINK ROGER'S ALREADY DOING THAT. 37 00:02:15,836 --> 00:02:17,738 EXTRA LARGE SPIT WADS. 38 00:02:18,906 --> 00:02:20,140 DUH... CHECK. 39 00:02:20,241 --> 00:02:21,342 BURPING LUNCH TRAY. 40 00:02:22,310 --> 00:02:23,811 ( loud burp ) 41 00:02:23,911 --> 00:02:25,713 DISINTEGRATING HOMEWORK PAPER. 42 00:02:30,184 --> 00:02:31,285 CHECK. 43 00:02:33,354 --> 00:02:38,926 HURRY UP WITH THOSE WATER BALLOONS, WOULD YOU? 44 00:02:39,026 --> 00:02:41,729 PERCY'S GOING TO HAVE IT BAD ENOUGH 45 00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:44,465 BEING MR. BONE'S NEPHEW AND ALL... 46 00:02:44,565 --> 00:02:46,033 WHAT'S THE MATTER? 47 00:02:46,133 --> 00:02:47,701 YOU FEEL LEFT OUT? 48 00:02:50,471 --> 00:02:51,872 WE JUST THOUGHT... 49 00:02:51,972 --> 00:02:54,442 YOU TWO ARE BREAKING MY HEART. 50 00:02:54,542 --> 00:02:56,344 ( panting: ) HEY, ROGER... 51 00:02:56,444 --> 00:03:00,180 I JUST SAW PERCY AND, AND, AND HE'S, HE'S... 52 00:03:00,281 --> 00:03:01,882 HE'S HERE-- GREAT! 53 00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:06,320 I'VE GOT TO GIVE LITTLE PERCY A BIG, WET HELLO. 54 00:03:11,759 --> 00:03:13,361 HE'S HUGE! 55 00:03:13,461 --> 00:03:15,896 YO, MY NAME'S FEMUR 56 00:03:15,996 --> 00:03:17,565 PERCY FEMUR. 57 00:03:17,665 --> 00:03:20,401 I'M KLOTZ, ROGER KLOTZ. 58 00:03:20,501 --> 00:03:22,570 SAY, IS THIS FOR ME? 59 00:03:22,670 --> 00:03:24,472 WELL, UH... NO. 60 00:03:24,572 --> 00:03:26,740 WHAT GAVE YOU THAT IDEA? 61 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:28,409 YOU KNOW WHAT, KLOTZ? 62 00:03:28,509 --> 00:03:31,178 I CAN SEE THAT THIS IS THE BEGINNING 63 00:03:31,279 --> 00:03:33,414 OF A BEAUTIFUL RELATIONSHIP. 64 00:03:33,514 --> 00:03:34,715 OOPS! 65 00:03:34,815 --> 00:03:37,518 ( groaning ) 66 00:03:38,986 --> 00:03:40,621 THERE YOU ARE, PERCY. 67 00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:42,055 HEY, UNCLE LAMARR. 68 00:03:42,155 --> 00:03:45,426 I WAS JUST MEETING SOME OF THE LOCAL KIDS. 69 00:03:45,526 --> 00:03:46,994 THAT'S FINE, PERCY. 70 00:03:47,094 --> 00:03:49,497 I'M GLAD YOU'RE MAKING FRIENDS. 71 00:03:49,597 --> 00:03:52,165 WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU, MR. KLOTZ? 72 00:03:52,266 --> 00:03:53,834 YOU RUNNING A FEVER? 73 00:03:53,934 --> 00:03:56,470 UH... JUST HOT, I GUESS. 74 00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,272 HMM. 75 00:04:00,274 --> 00:04:03,143 HEY, WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING? 76 00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:05,546 DIDN'T YOU HEAR UNCLE LAMARR? 77 00:04:05,646 --> 00:04:07,715 WE'RE GOING TO BE FRIENDS. 78 00:04:07,815 --> 00:04:10,050 FRIENDS TO THE END. 79 00:04:10,150 --> 00:04:11,652 ( laughs weakly ) 80 00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:18,659 MAN! AND I WAS WORRIED ABOUT ROGER PICKING ON PERCY. 81 00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:21,762 PERCY SURE CAN TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF. 82 00:04:21,862 --> 00:04:24,865 NOW ROGER WILL FIND OUT WHAT IT FELT LIKE 83 00:04:24,965 --> 00:04:27,234 ALL THOSE TIMES HE BULLIED US. 84 00:04:29,202 --> 00:04:30,704 ( croaking ) 85 00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:36,510 Doug: IT'S ABOUT TIME SOMEBODY GOT HIM AT HIS OWN GAME. 86 00:04:39,847 --> 00:04:42,783 HEY, ROGER, THERE'S A SIGN ON YOUR BACK. 87 00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:44,518 YEAH, I KNOW. 88 00:04:46,186 --> 00:04:49,690 HEY, ROGER, YOU GOT A SIGN ON YOUR BACK. 89 00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:51,559 CAN IT. 90 00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:56,430 Percy: HEY, KLOTZ, HEADS UP! 91 00:04:56,530 --> 00:04:57,465 HUH? 92 00:04:57,565 --> 00:04:58,799 YUCK! 93 00:05:00,468 --> 00:05:01,969 JUMBO SIZE. 94 00:05:04,572 --> 00:05:06,874 YEAH, GOOD ONE, PERCY. 95 00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:08,809 WAIT, KLOTZ, ALLOW ME. 96 00:05:08,909 --> 00:05:10,243 THAT'S ALL RIGHT 97 00:05:10,344 --> 00:05:11,278 PERCY... 98 00:05:11,379 --> 00:05:14,081 ( sputtering ) 99 00:05:14,181 --> 00:05:17,017 ( Roger coughing and sputtering ) 100 00:05:18,486 --> 00:05:20,388 OH, HEY, UNCLE LAMARR. 101 00:05:20,488 --> 00:05:21,755 HOW'S IT GOING? 102 00:05:21,855 --> 00:05:23,824 KEEPING OUT OF TROUBLE? 103 00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:25,993 OF COURSE, UNCLE LAMARR. 104 00:05:26,093 --> 00:05:28,462 THAT'S GOOD. 105 00:05:28,562 --> 00:05:29,430 OOH, MAYBE 106 00:05:29,530 --> 00:05:31,365 YOU SHOULD SEE THE NURSE 107 00:05:31,465 --> 00:05:33,033 ABOUT THAT SWEATING. 108 00:05:33,133 --> 00:05:35,268 YEAH, SURE, WHY NOT? 109 00:05:35,369 --> 00:05:38,639 AT FIRST I THOUGHT WHAT PERCY WAS DOING 110 00:05:38,739 --> 00:05:41,375 WAS JUST WHAT ROGER HAD COMING. 111 00:05:41,475 --> 00:05:42,410 HUH? 112 00:05:42,510 --> 00:05:44,812 IF YOU SQUEAL TO UNCLE LAMARR 113 00:05:44,912 --> 00:05:47,748 YOU'LL BE EATING KNUCKLE SANDWICHES 114 00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:49,450 EVERY DAY FOR LUNCH. 115 00:05:49,550 --> 00:05:50,684 GOT IT, KLOTZ? 116 00:05:50,784 --> 00:05:51,685 GOT IT. 117 00:05:51,785 --> 00:05:53,320 BUT THE MORE I SAW 118 00:05:53,421 --> 00:05:55,523 THE MORE I DIDN'T LIKE. 119 00:06:00,260 --> 00:06:01,829 ( groaning ) 120 00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:05,966 ( groans ) 121 00:06:10,170 --> 00:06:11,238 OH, HI, PERCY. 122 00:06:11,338 --> 00:06:12,873 NICE DAY, ISN'T IT? 123 00:06:12,973 --> 00:06:13,974 ( mumbling ) 124 00:06:14,074 --> 00:06:16,577 MAYBE ROGER CAN BE ANNOYING 125 00:06:16,677 --> 00:06:20,714 BUT MR. BONE'S NEPHEW WAS JUST PLAIN MEAN. 126 00:06:26,019 --> 00:06:27,655 PERCY WOULDN'T QUIT. 127 00:06:27,755 --> 00:06:30,223 YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN ROGER... 128 00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:31,692 PSST... FUNNIE! 129 00:06:31,792 --> 00:06:32,793 YEAH? 130 00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:34,795 DO YOU SEE PERCY AROUND? 131 00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:37,097 NO. 132 00:06:38,432 --> 00:06:41,401 GREAT-- NOT THAT I'M AFRAID OF HIM. 133 00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:43,471 WHY DON'T YOU TELL MR. BONE 134 00:06:43,571 --> 00:06:45,973 ABOUT WHAT PERCY'S DOING TO YOU? 135 00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:50,077 DO YOU THINK BONE WOULD BELIEVE ANYTHING ROTTEN I SAID 136 00:06:50,177 --> 00:06:52,112 ABOUT HIS PRECIOUS NEPHEW? 137 00:06:52,212 --> 00:06:53,647 Percy: HEY, KLOTZ! 138 00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:54,915 OH, GREAT. 139 00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:57,785 KLOTZ, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN HIDING? 140 00:06:57,885 --> 00:07:02,656 HEY, NICE FOLIAGE, BUT I THINK IT MIGHT NEED SOME PRUNING. 141 00:07:04,458 --> 00:07:07,828 OH, HEY, LOOK, PERCY, YOUR SHOE'S UNTIED. 142 00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:08,996 WHA...? 143 00:07:12,165 --> 00:07:15,903 YOU CAN RUN, BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE, KLOTZ. 144 00:07:16,003 --> 00:07:17,838 I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW. 145 00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:19,707 HA HA HA! 146 00:07:19,807 --> 00:07:22,142 YOU CAN COUNT ON THAT. 147 00:07:22,242 --> 00:07:25,913 I WAS REALLY STARTING TO FEEL SORRY FOR ROGER. 148 00:07:26,013 --> 00:07:30,150 THE NEXT DAY AT SCHOOL PERCY DIDN'T WASTE ANY TIME. 149 00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:33,687 SAY, KLOTZ, YOU WANT A HURTS DONUT? 150 00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,689 SURE, PERCY, WHY NOT? 151 00:07:36,824 --> 00:07:38,726 YAAA...OW! 152 00:07:38,826 --> 00:07:40,393 HURTS, DON'T IT? 153 00:07:40,494 --> 00:07:42,530 GET IT? 154 00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:43,597 OUCH! 155 00:07:43,697 --> 00:07:46,233 THAT WAS MY NOSE, YOU BIG GOON. 156 00:07:47,535 --> 00:07:49,369 UH-OH. 157 00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:55,342 NOBODY, BUT NOBODY, CALLS ME A GOON. 158 00:07:55,442 --> 00:07:58,078 HEY, LOOK, HERE COMES THE CIRCUS. 159 00:07:58,178 --> 00:07:59,947 WHERE, WHA...? 160 00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:04,017 ( all gasping ) 161 00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:07,354 ( panting ) 162 00:08:07,454 --> 00:08:10,891 PLEASE, PLEASE, YOU GOT TO HIDE ME, FUNNIE. 163 00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:13,093 PERCY'S GOING TO CREAM ME. 164 00:08:13,193 --> 00:08:14,662 GO TO MR. BONE. 165 00:08:14,762 --> 00:08:17,364 HE'LL MURDER ME WORSE IF I DO. 166 00:08:17,464 --> 00:08:19,232 Percy: KLOTZ... 167 00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:21,635 HELP ME, FUNNIE, PLEASE. 168 00:08:21,735 --> 00:08:26,206 I COULDN'T JUST LEAVE HIM TO BE CLOBBERED BY PERCY. 169 00:08:26,306 --> 00:08:27,808 ROGER, SHUT UP. 170 00:08:27,908 --> 00:08:29,543 HEY, WHAT THE...? 171 00:08:29,643 --> 00:08:30,844 ( mumbling ) 172 00:08:30,944 --> 00:08:32,746 WHERE'S KLOTZ? 173 00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:34,347 WAIT, PERCY. 174 00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:35,749 BEAT IT, SHRIMP. 175 00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:37,651 I GOT TO CREAM KLOTZ. 176 00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:40,287 "CREAM KLOTZ," THAT'S GOOD. 177 00:08:40,387 --> 00:08:42,522 IT SOUNDS LIKE WHAT WE HAD 178 00:08:42,623 --> 00:08:44,491 FOR LUNCH, DOESN'T IT? 179 00:08:46,794 --> 00:08:49,029 PERCY, I WAS JUST THINKING-- 180 00:08:49,129 --> 00:08:53,400 DON'T YOU GET TIRED OF PICKING ON ROGER ALL THE TIME? 181 00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:55,569 ( growling ) 182 00:08:55,669 --> 00:08:57,871 WELL, LOOK AT IT THIS WAY. 183 00:08:57,971 --> 00:08:58,839 LET'S SAY... 184 00:08:58,939 --> 00:08:59,973 ARE YOU SAYING 185 00:09:00,073 --> 00:09:01,942 I SHOULD LAY OFF KLOTZ? 186 00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:03,443 I... WELL... YES. 187 00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:07,715 LITTLE SHRIMP, YOU'RE RIGHT-- NO MORE PICKING ON KLOTZ. 188 00:09:07,815 --> 00:09:10,050 ( laughing ) 189 00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:13,553 FROM NOW ON, I'M GOING TO CONCENTRATE ON YOU. 190 00:09:13,654 --> 00:09:14,655 ME? 191 00:09:14,755 --> 00:09:17,725 YEAH, SHRIMP, YOU GOT A BIG MOUTH. 192 00:09:17,825 --> 00:09:19,760 ( bell ringing ) 193 00:09:19,860 --> 00:09:22,529 AFTER SCHOOL, 3:00, PLAYGROUND. 194 00:09:22,630 --> 00:09:26,533 I'M GOING TO GIVE KLOTZ'S CLOBBERING TO YOU. 195 00:09:26,634 --> 00:09:28,936 AND YOU BETTER SHOW UP, SHRIMP 196 00:09:29,036 --> 00:09:31,371 OR I'LL COME LOOKING FOR YOU. 197 00:09:32,372 --> 00:09:34,041 GEE, FUNNIE, THANKS. 198 00:09:34,141 --> 00:09:36,977 WELL, SEE YOU AROUND. 199 00:09:40,213 --> 00:09:45,719 OH, GREAT-- NOW PERCY'S GOING TO MAKE ME INTO A SHRIMP CASSEROLE. 200 00:09:45,819 --> 00:09:49,256 ROGER AND HIS GANG HIGH-TAILED IT OUT OF HERE 201 00:09:49,356 --> 00:09:50,824 RIGHT AFTER SCHOOL. 202 00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:52,926 AT LEAST YOU STUCK WITH ME. 203 00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:54,795 WHAT ARE FRIENDS FOR? 204 00:09:54,895 --> 00:09:57,397 DOUG, AFTER PERCY DESTROYS YOU 205 00:09:57,497 --> 00:10:02,569 DO YOU WANT PLAIN BANDAGES OR THE ONES WITH LITTLE BUNNIES? 206 00:10:02,670 --> 00:10:04,171 Percy: YO, SHRIMP. 207 00:10:08,676 --> 00:10:12,512 WELL, IT'S BEEN NICE KNOWING YOU, SKEETER. 208 00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:17,450 PERCY, DON'T YOU THINK THIS IS STUPID 209 00:10:17,550 --> 00:10:19,853 FOR US TO FIGHT OVER NOTHING? 210 00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:22,455 AIN'T GOING TO BE NO FIGHTING. 211 00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:24,925 IT'S GOING TO BE A MASSACRE. 212 00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:26,694 ( laughing ) 213 00:10:26,794 --> 00:10:29,596 CAN'T WE HANDLE THIS SOME OTHER WAY? 214 00:10:29,697 --> 00:10:31,131 HOW ABOUT CHECKERS 215 00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:34,367 OR A GAME OF HORSESHOES OR TIC-TAC-TOE? 216 00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:35,568 NOPE. 217 00:10:35,669 --> 00:10:38,105 OH, LOOK, IT'S YOUR UNCLE LAMARR. 218 00:10:38,205 --> 00:10:41,074 SORRY, SHRIMP, NOT THIS TIME. 219 00:10:44,544 --> 00:10:45,713 ( gasps ) 220 00:10:45,813 --> 00:10:48,281 UNCLE LAMARR! 221 00:10:48,381 --> 00:10:50,784 SO MR. KLOTZ WAS RIGHT. 222 00:10:50,884 --> 00:10:53,286 ALL RIGHT, MR. TOUGH GUY 223 00:10:53,386 --> 00:10:55,288 THE PARTY'S OVER. 224 00:10:55,388 --> 00:10:56,556 I'M SENDING YOU 225 00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:59,226 BACK TO YOUR OLD SCHOOL, P.D.Q.! 226 00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:01,061 BUT... BUT UNCLE LAMARR 227 00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:03,296 I WAS JUST PLAYING WITH HIM. 228 00:11:03,396 --> 00:11:05,365 NO BUTS, MISTER, LET'S GO. 229 00:11:05,465 --> 00:11:08,268 YOU'RE FROM BAD SEED, YOU KNOW THAT? 230 00:11:08,368 --> 00:11:10,670 WHEW! 231 00:11:10,771 --> 00:11:12,973 YOU OKAY, FUNNIE? 232 00:11:13,073 --> 00:11:14,507 THAT WAS CLOSE. 233 00:11:14,607 --> 00:11:17,945 YEAH-- ROGER, YOU SAID PERCY WOULD KILL YOU 234 00:11:18,045 --> 00:11:19,947 IF YOU WENT TO MR. BONE. 235 00:11:20,047 --> 00:11:23,650 DID YOU THINK I'D LET YOU GET CREAMED? 236 00:11:23,751 --> 00:11:25,853 WELL... 237 00:11:25,953 --> 00:11:27,487 HECK, NO, I WOULDN'T 238 00:11:27,587 --> 00:11:30,423 NOT UNLESS I WAS DOING THE CREAMING. 239 00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:31,424 GET IT? 240 00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:32,592 THAT'S A JOKE. 241 00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:35,095 OH, COME ON, LOOSEN UP, FUNNIE. 242 00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:37,865 LET'S GO DOWN TO THE HONKER BURGER 243 00:11:37,965 --> 00:11:40,233 FOR SOME SHAKES-- YOUR TREAT. 244 00:11:40,333 --> 00:11:42,870 THINGS ARE GOING TO BE DIFFERENT 245 00:11:42,970 --> 00:11:44,938 AROUND HERE FROM NOW ON. 246 00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:47,340 ROGER, I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT. 247 00:11:49,676 --> 00:11:53,413 And that's The Wide World Of Permanent Records. 248 00:11:53,513 --> 00:11:55,816 Back to the news desk-- Lamarr? 249 00:11:55,916 --> 00:11:57,217 Thank you, Lamarr. 250 00:11:57,317 --> 00:11:59,119 That's it for the news. 251 00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:03,924 Until tomorrow, I'm Assistant Principal Lamarr Bone saying: 252 00:12:04,024 --> 00:12:05,392 Don't mess up! 253 00:12:05,492 --> 00:12:08,228 OH, BROTHER, WHAT A LOON. 254 00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:14,467 Doug: SCHOOL HASN'T BEEN THE SAME 255 00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:18,438 SINCE MR. BONE STARTED HIS OWN ONE-MAN TV SHOW. 256 00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:22,542 MAN, I THOUGHT WATCHING TV IN SCHOOL WOULD BE FUN. 257 00:12:22,642 --> 00:12:26,646 YEAH, THIS MAKES MATH CLASS SEEM LIKE A GOOD IDEA. 258 00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:27,915 ( all gasp ) 259 00:12:28,015 --> 00:12:30,818 I HEARD THAT, FUNNIE. 260 00:12:31,885 --> 00:12:34,855 SO? YOU DON'T LIKE MY NEWS PROGRAM, EH? 261 00:12:34,955 --> 00:12:35,789 WELL... 262 00:12:35,889 --> 00:12:36,824 YOU THINK 263 00:12:36,924 --> 00:12:39,126 YOU COULD DO BETTER YOURSELF? 264 00:12:39,226 --> 00:12:41,561 WHY, THAT'S A WONDERFUL IDEA. 265 00:12:41,661 --> 00:12:44,031 IT WOULD BE A GREAT CHALLENGE 266 00:12:44,131 --> 00:12:47,100 FOR OUR CLASS TO WORK AS A TEAM. 267 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:48,101 HUH? 268 00:12:48,201 --> 00:12:50,337 WHAT DO YOU THINK, CLASS? 269 00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:54,875 ALL RIGHT, GO AHEAD AND TRY. 270 00:13:01,714 --> 00:13:02,682 ( footsteps ) 271 00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:03,683 ( hinge creaks ) 272 00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:04,784 ( barks ) 273 00:13:06,519 --> 00:13:07,787 THAT'S ME. 274 00:13:09,857 --> 00:13:10,790 HEY! 275 00:13:10,891 --> 00:13:12,592 ( barks ) 276 00:13:12,692 --> 00:13:13,693 ( yelps ) 277 00:13:18,665 --> 00:13:22,602 IT WAS A LOT OF WORK, BUT EVERYBODY PITCHED IN. 278 00:13:22,702 --> 00:13:24,437 AND THE BEST PART WAS 279 00:13:24,537 --> 00:13:28,575 PATTI AND I WERE CHOSEN TO BE THE ANCHORPERSONS. 280 00:13:28,675 --> 00:13:33,146 TOP STORY TODAY: THE CHARMING AND WITTY DOUG FUNNIE ASKS 281 00:13:33,246 --> 00:13:36,749 AN UNSUSPECTING PATTI MAYONNAISE FOR A DATE. 282 00:13:36,850 --> 00:13:37,750 Doug! 283 00:13:37,851 --> 00:13:39,819 WELL, HOW ABOUT IT, PATTI? 284 00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:42,089 YOU AND ME, TONIGHT-- MAGIC. 285 00:13:42,189 --> 00:13:44,424 INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW. 286 00:13:44,524 --> 00:13:48,695 ( giggling: ) Doug, you're embarrassing me. 287 00:13:52,032 --> 00:13:53,766 DOUG, DOUG, GET READY. 288 00:13:53,867 --> 00:13:55,568 WE'RE ABOUT TO GO ON. 289 00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:57,270 ( clears throat ) 290 00:13:59,806 --> 00:14:02,809 ( kids imitating teletype ) 291 00:14:04,444 --> 00:14:09,049 Connie: LIVE FROM MRS. WINGO'S CLASS, IT'S THE NEWS AT NOON 292 00:14:09,149 --> 00:14:13,286 with anchorpersons Doug Funnie and Patti Mayonnaise 293 00:14:13,386 --> 00:14:16,356 Skeeter Valentine with the weather 294 00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:19,259 Chuckie Studebaker with sports 295 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:21,929 shopping reporter Beebe Bluff 296 00:14:22,029 --> 00:14:25,498 and "A Few Minutes" with Roger Klotz. 297 00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:29,069 I'M PATTI MAYONNAISE. 298 00:14:29,169 --> 00:14:30,637 And I'm Doug Funnie. 299 00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:33,840 Somebody barfed in the cafeteria today... 300 00:14:33,941 --> 00:14:36,309 WE GOT OFF TO A GREAT START. 301 00:14:36,409 --> 00:14:40,247 I JUST KNEW OUR NEWS SHOW WOULD BE A BIG HIT. 302 00:14:40,347 --> 00:14:44,751 Doug, there's a great fumblitis game going on out here. 303 00:14:44,851 --> 00:14:47,254 No telling who'll get it next. 304 00:14:47,354 --> 00:14:48,521 Whoa! 305 00:14:49,522 --> 00:14:50,991 What weather! 306 00:14:51,091 --> 00:14:55,895 One minute it's raining, the next the sun's shining-- Patti? 307 00:14:55,996 --> 00:14:59,566 Keep us posted on any further developments. 308 00:14:59,666 --> 00:15:01,368 WILL DO, PATTI. 309 00:15:03,703 --> 00:15:06,773 YOURS TRULY HAS A BIRTHDAY COMING UP 310 00:15:06,873 --> 00:15:09,609 AND HERE'S WHAT YOU CAN BUY ME: 311 00:15:09,709 --> 00:15:14,914 A NEW ICE-SKATING OUTFIT, LOTS AND LOTS OF SHOES, SIZE FOUR 312 00:15:15,015 --> 00:15:19,286 a 73-inch color TV, lots of cash of course 313 00:15:19,386 --> 00:15:22,022 a cruise to my own island... 314 00:15:22,122 --> 00:15:24,757 THIS ISN'T NEWS, THIS IS NONSENSE. 315 00:15:24,857 --> 00:15:28,395 I'M NOT GOING TO SIT AND WATCH THIS DRIVEL. 316 00:15:29,396 --> 00:15:30,630 NO, OVER THERE. 317 00:15:30,730 --> 00:15:31,831 GO TO ROGER. 318 00:15:32,832 --> 00:15:34,734 YOU KNOW WHAT GRIPES ME? 319 00:15:34,834 --> 00:15:37,304 HOMEWORK AND TESTS 320 00:15:37,404 --> 00:15:41,708 AND TEACHERS CALLING ON YOU WHEN YOU'RE TAKING A NAP. 321 00:15:41,808 --> 00:15:43,676 THAT REALLY GRIPES ME. 322 00:15:44,677 --> 00:15:47,547 TOMORROW WE'LL HAVE A SURPRISE TRIBUTE 323 00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:51,618 TO THE PERSON WHO INSPIRED US TO MAKE THIS PROGRAM. 324 00:15:51,718 --> 00:15:54,087 UNTIL THEN, I'M DOUG FUNNIE 325 00:15:54,187 --> 00:15:56,423 AND I'M PATTI MAYONNAISE. 326 00:15:56,523 --> 00:15:57,924 SEE YA SEE YA! 327 00:15:58,025 --> 00:16:01,061 ( whirring ) 328 00:16:01,161 --> 00:16:02,062 CUT! 329 00:16:02,162 --> 00:16:03,130 THAT'S A RAP. 330 00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:05,032 WE DID IT, EVERYBODY. 331 00:16:06,766 --> 00:16:09,602 THINK YOU'RE SOMETHING, DON'T YOU? 332 00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:13,373 YOU PEOPLE HAVE A LOT TO LEARN ABOUT PUTTING ON 333 00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:15,042 A TELEVISION SHOW. 334 00:16:16,543 --> 00:16:17,944 DON'T WORRY, DOUG. 335 00:16:18,045 --> 00:16:19,712 HE'LL CHANGE HIS MIND 336 00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:22,149 WHEN HE SEES ALL THE HARD WORK 337 00:16:22,249 --> 00:16:25,485 WE PUT INTO OUR SPECIAL TRIBUTE TO HIM. 338 00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:28,555 LOOK, HERE THEY ARE! 339 00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:31,024 WE SAW YOU ON TV. 340 00:16:31,124 --> 00:16:32,359 HUH? HUH? 341 00:16:36,796 --> 00:16:39,832 HOW COME NO ONE'S CROWDING AROUND ME? 342 00:16:39,932 --> 00:16:41,468 YOU'RE NOT THE STAR. 343 00:16:41,568 --> 00:16:44,571 DOUG AND PATTI MAKE A GREAT TEAM. 344 00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:45,572 OH, YEAH? 345 00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:48,241 WELL, WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT. 346 00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:50,243 YOU KNOW WHAT GRIPES ME? 347 00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:53,746 PEOPLE WHO DON'T RESPECT THEIR SUPERIORS-- 348 00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:57,784 SUPERIORS LIKE ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL LAMARR BONE. 349 00:16:57,884 --> 00:16:59,886 HUH? WHAT'S ROGER UP TO? 350 00:16:59,986 --> 00:17:01,254 Sure, he's strict 351 00:17:01,354 --> 00:17:04,457 but somebody's got to enforce the rules. 352 00:17:04,557 --> 00:17:08,261 Without Mr. Bone, oh, I'd be lost. 353 00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:11,664 HMM... MAYBE I MISJUDGED THAT KLOTZ BOY. 354 00:17:11,764 --> 00:17:14,067 HE'S GOT A LOT ON THE BALL. 355 00:17:14,167 --> 00:17:18,238 ALL BY MYSELF, ME, I HAVE PREPARED A SPECIAL TRIBUTE 356 00:17:18,338 --> 00:17:20,773 TO VICE-PRINCIPAL LAMARR BONE. 357 00:17:20,873 --> 00:17:23,310 LET'S GO TO THE VIDEOTAPE. 358 00:17:25,212 --> 00:17:26,813 WHAT'S HE DOING? 359 00:17:26,913 --> 00:17:29,182 WE MADE THAT TRIBUTE. 360 00:17:29,282 --> 00:17:33,820 Roger: Lamarr Bone, mere man or mammoth myth? 361 00:17:34,821 --> 00:17:36,889 Little did baby Lamarr know 362 00:17:36,989 --> 00:17:40,227 that when this adorable picture was taken 363 00:17:40,327 --> 00:17:42,895 a great future lay before him... 364 00:17:42,995 --> 00:17:46,733 ( gasps and whispers ) 365 00:17:46,833 --> 00:17:50,903 And so concludes my personal tribute to a great man 366 00:17:51,003 --> 00:17:52,572 Vice-Principal Bone: 367 00:17:52,672 --> 00:17:56,075 A man with a mission, a man with a destiny. 368 00:17:56,176 --> 00:17:58,345 THAT'S BEAUTIFUL! 369 00:17:58,445 --> 00:18:01,848 A man who has yodeled his way into our hearts. 370 00:18:01,948 --> 00:18:03,082 THANKS, ROGER. 371 00:18:03,183 --> 00:18:05,285 CAN I HAVE MY CHAIR BACK? 372 00:18:05,385 --> 00:18:06,986 NO PROBLEM, FUNNIE. 373 00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:08,721 DON'T FORGET THESE. 374 00:18:08,821 --> 00:18:09,989 IN OTHER NEWS 375 00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:12,992 "MR. BONE WEARS PINK UNDERWEAR." 376 00:18:13,793 --> 00:18:16,229 PINK UNDERWEAR? 377 00:18:16,329 --> 00:18:17,564 DOUG! 378 00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:24,804 "DOUG FUNNIE, PLEASE REPORT 379 00:18:24,904 --> 00:18:28,608 TO THE ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE, P.D.Q." 380 00:18:28,708 --> 00:18:29,576 ( gulps ) 381 00:18:29,676 --> 00:18:31,077 AND THIS JUST IN. 382 00:18:31,178 --> 00:18:35,648 "EVERYBODY'S OFF THE SHOW EXCEPT FOR ROGER AND MR. BONE." 383 00:18:35,748 --> 00:18:37,217 ( whistling ) 384 00:18:39,719 --> 00:18:41,388 THAT'S SHOW BIZ. 385 00:18:45,057 --> 00:18:47,327 MISTER, YOU'RE GOING TO LEARN 386 00:18:47,427 --> 00:18:50,297 ABOUT A JOURNALIST'S RESPONSIBILITY. 387 00:18:50,397 --> 00:18:52,999 I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT STORY. 388 00:18:53,099 --> 00:18:56,303 I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU WORE PINK UNDERWEAR. 389 00:18:56,403 --> 00:18:57,504 I DON'T! 390 00:18:57,604 --> 00:19:00,440 AND YOU'LL WRITE THAT ON THE BLACKBOARD 391 00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:02,209 5,000 TIMES! 392 00:19:02,309 --> 00:19:04,911 THAT'LL TAKE ME FOREVER. 393 00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:15,955 WELL, MR. BONE, IT TOOK ME 60 YEARS, BUT I FINALLY FINISHED. 394 00:19:16,055 --> 00:19:17,890 NOT SO FAST, FUNNIE. 395 00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:20,827 NOW YOU CAN DO THE OTHER SIDE. 396 00:19:24,464 --> 00:19:26,132 OH, NO! 397 00:19:26,233 --> 00:19:27,367 ( laughing ) 398 00:19:30,036 --> 00:19:32,605 DON'T GET WRITER'S CRAMP, FUNNIE. 399 00:19:32,705 --> 00:19:34,974 YOU'VE GOT A LONG WAY TO GO. 400 00:19:35,074 --> 00:19:37,977 IT'S YOUR FAULT WE LOST OUR TV SHOW. 401 00:19:38,077 --> 00:19:40,380 THIS IS MY SHOW NOW, FUNNIE. 402 00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:43,383 I DON'T NEED THE REST OF YOU LOSERS. 403 00:19:43,483 --> 00:19:44,517 I'M THE STAR. 404 00:19:44,617 --> 00:19:47,520 ( laughing ) 405 00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:50,089 Mr. Bone: That's it for the news. 406 00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:54,994 Remember: a sharpened number-two pencil is always your friend. 407 00:19:55,094 --> 00:19:58,631 You got a point there, Mr. Bone. 408 00:19:58,731 --> 00:20:00,600 Good one, Roger. 409 00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:03,636 ( laughs )... OOH, WHAT A LOSER. 410 00:20:03,736 --> 00:20:07,073 Roger: Mr. Bone, you know how to make news 411 00:20:07,173 --> 00:20:09,509 not only educational, but fun. 412 00:20:09,609 --> 00:20:10,543 OH, BROTHER. 413 00:20:10,643 --> 00:20:12,512 HE'S BUTTERING UP MR. BONE 414 00:20:12,612 --> 00:20:15,081 SO HE CAN HAVE HIS OWN SHOW. 415 00:20:15,181 --> 00:20:17,850 MAYBE WE COULD BUTTER UP MR. BONE 416 00:20:17,950 --> 00:20:19,919 BY BUYING HIM A PRESENT. 417 00:20:20,019 --> 00:20:21,888 NAH, YOU SAW WHAT HAPPENED 418 00:20:21,988 --> 00:20:23,656 WHEN WE MADE THAT TRIBUTE. 419 00:20:23,756 --> 00:20:25,325 ROGER TOOK THE CREDIT. 420 00:20:25,425 --> 00:20:27,727 YEAH, IF WE GOT BONE A PRESENT 421 00:20:27,827 --> 00:20:30,263 ROGER WOULD SAY IT WAS FROM HIM. 422 00:20:30,363 --> 00:20:31,264 YEAH. 423 00:20:31,364 --> 00:20:32,765 THAT'S IT, PATTI! 424 00:20:32,865 --> 00:20:35,001 THAT'S WHAT? WHAT'D I SAY? 425 00:20:35,101 --> 00:20:36,369 HUDDLE UP. 426 00:20:40,039 --> 00:20:42,442 HEY, FUNNIE, WHAT'S IN THE BOX? 427 00:20:42,542 --> 00:20:44,711 JUST A PRESENT FOR MR. BONE 428 00:20:44,811 --> 00:20:46,813 TO SHOW HIM NO HARD FEELINGS. 429 00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:48,448 I'LL GIVE IT TO HIM. 430 00:20:48,548 --> 00:20:50,283 NO, WAIT, ROGER, DON'T. 431 00:20:50,383 --> 00:20:52,719 PUT IT BACK, YOU BIG BULLY... 432 00:20:55,555 --> 00:20:58,224 Mr. Bone: That's it for the news. 433 00:20:58,325 --> 00:21:00,793 Here's a token of my appreciation 434 00:21:00,893 --> 00:21:04,130 for all you've taught me about journalism. 435 00:21:04,230 --> 00:21:05,164 A PRESENT? 436 00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:06,165 FOR ME? 437 00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:07,166 WHAT IS IT? 438 00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:08,435 HOW SHOULD I KNOW? 439 00:21:08,535 --> 00:21:10,703 I MEAN... OPEN IT. 440 00:21:10,803 --> 00:21:14,206 Of course, it cost me a bundle. 441 00:21:15,241 --> 00:21:16,208 HUH? 442 00:21:16,309 --> 00:21:17,944 Roger: But what's money 443 00:21:18,044 --> 00:21:19,879 where you're concerned? 444 00:21:21,514 --> 00:21:24,584 IS THIS YOUR IDEA OF A JOKE, MR. KLOTZ? 445 00:21:24,684 --> 00:21:27,887 HEY, HEY, I DIDN'T... 446 00:21:27,987 --> 00:21:30,390 A TOKEN OF YOUR APPRECIATION? 447 00:21:30,490 --> 00:21:32,359 Detention, on the double! 448 00:21:32,459 --> 00:21:34,427 Roger: But, Mr. Bone... 449 00:21:34,527 --> 00:21:38,431 AND SO ROGER FINALLY GOT WHAT WAS COMING TO HIM 450 00:21:38,531 --> 00:21:40,900 AND MRS. WINGO TOLD MR. BONE 451 00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:44,604 WHO REALLY DID THAT SPECIAL TRIBUTE TO HIM. 452 00:21:44,704 --> 00:21:47,940 IT WAS BEAUTIFUL, PEOPLE, JUST BEAUTIFUL. 453 00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:49,776 THERE, THERE, MR. BONE. 454 00:21:49,876 --> 00:21:51,678 I JUST WANTED YOU TO SEE 455 00:21:51,778 --> 00:21:54,381 WHAT A GREAT TEAM CAN ACCOMPLISH. 456 00:21:54,481 --> 00:21:57,850 IN FACT, I BET MR. BONE WOULD LOVE TO HAVE 457 00:21:57,950 --> 00:22:00,720 SUCH A GREAT TEAM WORKING WITH HIM. 458 00:22:00,820 --> 00:22:02,188 ISN'T THAT RIGHT? 459 00:22:02,288 --> 00:22:03,390 HUH...? 460 00:22:03,490 --> 00:22:06,559 OF COURSE, THAT WAS THE PLAN ALL ALONG. 461 00:22:06,659 --> 00:22:09,228 WHAT ARE YOU STANDING AROUND FOR? 462 00:22:09,328 --> 00:22:10,897 WE GOT A SHOW TO DO. 463 00:22:10,997 --> 00:22:13,966 All: ALL RIGHT! YEAH! RIGHT ON, MR. BONE! 464 00:22:14,066 --> 00:22:17,303 WELL, I GUESS DOING THE SHOW WITH MR. BONE 465 00:22:17,404 --> 00:22:20,006 WAS BETTER THAN NO SHOW AT ALL. 466 00:22:21,007 --> 00:22:22,575 THANK YOU, MOSQUITO. 467 00:22:22,675 --> 00:22:24,977 AND NOW FOR A SPECIAL SEGMENT 468 00:22:25,077 --> 00:22:27,414 I LIKE TO CALL "CRIME AND PUNISHMENT" 469 00:22:27,514 --> 00:22:31,317 we take you behind the scenes at detention hall. 470 00:22:31,418 --> 00:22:33,653 GET THAT CAMERA OUT OF HERE! 471 00:22:33,753 --> 00:22:34,921 SCRAM! BEAT IT! 472 00:22:35,021 --> 00:22:37,590 WHAT IS THIS, THE PRISON CHANNEL? 473 00:22:37,690 --> 00:22:39,025 GET OUT OF HERE! 474 00:22:42,629 --> 00:22:47,033 Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation