1 00:02:54,300 --> 00:02:56,010 When I remember it... 2 00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:00,222 I remember thinking... 3 00:03:02,558 --> 00:03:05,686 the entire population of Greensburg, Pennsylvania, 4 00:03:05,895 --> 00:03:09,315 is 14,892. 5 00:03:11,150 --> 00:03:13,986 If you divide that by the number of days in the year, 6 00:03:14,195 --> 00:03:18,032 there should be 41 people with the same birthday every day. 7 00:03:20,743 --> 00:03:26,165 In my lifetime, the population has decreased by 12.6%. 8 00:03:26,374 --> 00:03:31,253 Soon, another 12.6% will be gone. 9 00:03:31,462 --> 00:03:33,714 And another. 10 00:03:33,923 --> 00:03:35,383 And another. 11 00:03:35,591 --> 00:03:37,259 Then another. 12 00:03:44,809 --> 00:03:46,686 Until all that's left here is me. 13 00:03:50,106 --> 00:03:51,482 Me without you. 14 00:04:05,996 --> 00:04:08,499 Me and the one thing I was waiting to find out about. 15 00:04:16,924 --> 00:04:18,384 They were also waiting. 16 00:04:20,886 --> 00:04:22,722 In the middle of nowhere. 17 00:04:25,224 --> 00:04:26,934 In this doctor's office. 18 00:04:28,853 --> 00:04:30,730 At 7:30 in the morning. 19 00:04:35,693 --> 00:04:38,779 Twenty days ago, I turned 20. 20 00:04:45,369 --> 00:04:46,996 Now we were all waiting to see 21 00:04:47,204 --> 00:04:48,873 how many more birthdays we'd have. 22 00:04:51,167 --> 00:04:53,127 If there'd be one or 100. 23 00:04:55,463 --> 00:04:58,007 If there'd be anyone new to share them with. 24 00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:08,517 I've spent every birthday in Greensburg. 25 00:05:10,269 --> 00:05:12,563 Every day. 26 00:05:12,772 --> 00:05:14,315 Every minute. 27 00:05:15,733 --> 00:05:16,859 Every second. 28 00:05:48,098 --> 00:05:52,812 When I remember it, I remember believing 29 00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:55,856 everything begins with one exact moment. 30 00:07:40,628 --> 00:07:42,338 Daniel. 31 00:07:44,340 --> 00:07:45,591 Daniel. 32 00:07:47,885 --> 00:07:49,511 Daniel. 33 00:08:16,372 --> 00:08:18,582 Did you hear what I just said? 34 00:08:22,711 --> 00:08:24,171 You don't care. 35 00:08:24,380 --> 00:08:26,799 You don't know anything. Everything's fucked up. 36 00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:28,968 What's the point of even talking to you? 37 00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:31,595 How can you say that? 38 00:08:31,804 --> 00:08:35,265 After, after last year, after how my mom's been acting, after my dad? 39 00:08:35,474 --> 00:08:36,976 - I don't... - Don't. Just don't. 40 00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:39,311 Don't say I don't want to end up like him? 41 00:08:41,313 --> 00:08:44,066 Neither do you. 42 00:08:44,274 --> 00:08:48,153 Here's the truest thing I've ever said: Fuck you. 43 00:08:48,362 --> 00:08:49,863 Whatever. 44 00:08:50,072 --> 00:08:51,991 And what about your mom, have you talked to her? 45 00:08:52,199 --> 00:08:53,575 Not since graduation. 46 00:08:56,245 --> 00:08:58,831 Look, I didn't mean you don't care, I didn't mean it that way. 47 00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:02,126 - It's pretty clear how you meant it. - Was it? 48 00:09:02,334 --> 00:09:03,836 I'm hungry- 49 00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:05,546 What? What are you talking about? 50 00:09:05,754 --> 00:09:07,965 That's an example of being clear, "I'm hungry," 51 00:09:08,173 --> 00:09:10,217 which is what I am, hungry. 52 00:09:10,426 --> 00:09:12,094 Come on, that doesn't make any sense. 53 00:09:12,302 --> 00:09:14,471 And bored. Hungry and bored. 54 00:09:14,680 --> 00:09:16,932 What do you wanna do, then? 55 00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:21,020 I don't know. 56 00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:24,398 Go to the porn store. I'm legal now. 57 00:09:24,606 --> 00:09:26,817 That one where the girls wear nothing but a smile? 58 00:09:27,026 --> 00:09:28,944 No, that's a strip club. 59 00:09:29,153 --> 00:09:32,614 I was talking more about the ones that flank the Barnes & Noble. 60 00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:37,911 All that I was trying to say is that... 61 00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:40,330 it's got nothing to do with your family. 62 00:09:40,539 --> 00:09:42,875 I just meant that you'll be out of here soon. 63 00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:44,543 You're going to college. 64 00:09:44,752 --> 00:09:46,879 - It's only a state school. - So what? 65 00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:49,173 Not far away. 66 00:09:49,381 --> 00:09:51,967 Still better than being stuck here. 67 00:09:52,176 --> 00:09:55,095 Did you know Mount Pleasant used to be called Hell Town? 68 00:09:55,304 --> 00:09:57,222 That's not true. 69 00:09:57,431 --> 00:09:59,892 - It is. - Why? 70 00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,519 Something to do with, this was in the '20s or something. 71 00:10:02,728 --> 00:10:04,354 Coal miners lived in Mount Pleasant, 72 00:10:04,563 --> 00:10:07,107 whereas the rich bosses lived in Scottdale, on the hill. 73 00:10:09,568 --> 00:10:10,903 They should just go back 74 00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:13,363 and rename the whole goddamn area Hell Town. 75 00:10:33,258 --> 00:10:35,803 Sorry about earlier. I was being a sharktopus. 76 00:10:36,011 --> 00:10:38,806 - I was gonna say a sea hag. - I don't get it. 77 00:10:39,014 --> 00:10:40,374 A sharktopus would make a good pet. 78 00:10:40,474 --> 00:10:42,142 Sea hag is Jennifer Aniston. 79 00:10:42,351 --> 00:10:43,911 I like Jennifer Aniston. We go way back. 80 00:10:44,061 --> 00:10:46,021 We're tight like spandex. 81 00:10:46,230 --> 00:10:48,398 - Also, bumps, not lines. - What? 82 00:10:48,607 --> 00:10:50,025 I definitely wasn't a sea monster. 83 00:10:50,234 --> 00:10:52,236 - It's not coke. - A sea hag, and yes you were. 84 00:10:52,444 --> 00:10:53,904 It's cheap trucker's meth. 85 00:10:54,113 --> 00:10:56,782 It's just that, for real, I can't stand this place. 86 00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:59,677 At least now I don't have to worry about finding a job with dental insurance. 87 00:10:59,701 --> 00:11:01,537 I can't end up like these disgusting people. 88 00:11:01,745 --> 00:11:03,997 I don't wanna drive my 12-year-old car to a stupid job. 89 00:11:04,206 --> 00:11:07,126 - I don't want to think about cheating on my fat wife. - See those lights? 90 00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:10,694 I don't wanna work at my shit job for shit pay so I can afford another used shit car. 91 00:11:10,838 --> 00:11:12,965 Lissa, do you see them? 92 00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:17,136 - Shit! - What should we do? 93 00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:18,846 Daniel, take care of the phone. 94 00:11:21,807 --> 00:11:23,076 I can't believe this is happening. 95 00:11:23,100 --> 00:11:24,935 Everyone, dust off your hands. 96 00:11:25,144 --> 00:11:26,562 I'm going to M-I-fucking-T. 97 00:11:29,273 --> 00:11:30,649 I have an idea. 98 00:11:38,115 --> 00:11:39,867 Can I help you, officer? 99 00:11:40,075 --> 00:11:41,660 What have you got going on here? 100 00:11:44,329 --> 00:11:46,248 II' 101 00:11:56,091 --> 00:11:58,719 Not sure yet... sir. 102 00:12:00,762 --> 00:12:02,181 Take it elsewhere. 103 00:12:21,867 --> 00:12:25,078 - Fuck it all, fuck. - Fuck you, copper. 104 00:12:28,373 --> 00:12:30,000 Lissa Maruska? 105 00:12:46,642 --> 00:12:49,728 How are you today? Ready to order? 106 00:12:49,937 --> 00:12:51,730 I've been waitressing for about two years. 107 00:12:51,939 --> 00:12:54,024 A little under two years. 108 00:12:54,233 --> 00:12:56,902 - I'm a human resources manager. - I'm a chef and owner. 109 00:12:57,110 --> 00:13:00,322 I teach family consumer science, which used to be known as home economics. 110 00:13:00,530 --> 00:13:02,241 I am a custodian. 111 00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:05,535 I work for the county, which is a good job, 112 00:13:05,744 --> 00:13:06,912 although it's a crappy shift. 113 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,830 I am actually a stay-at-home mom. 114 00:13:09,039 --> 00:13:12,501 Some days you feel like you don't talk to any other adults. 115 00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:15,295 I spent 25 years as a Pennsylvania state trooper. 116 00:13:15,504 --> 00:13:17,631 I'm a union rep for public employees in schools, 117 00:13:17,839 --> 00:13:20,259 meaning teachers and their support staffs, 118 00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:23,345 such as bus drivers, cafeteria workers, custodians. 119 00:13:23,553 --> 00:13:25,097 Worst part is the repetition. 120 00:13:27,641 --> 00:13:30,201 Maybe it's having to balance multiple things like a circus clown. 121 00:13:34,898 --> 00:13:36,066 No. 122 00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:39,319 It's the repetition. 123 00:13:41,196 --> 00:13:43,115 So, how are you doing? 124 00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:44,783 Wanna hear the specials? 125 00:13:44,992 --> 00:13:46,868 What can I get for you? 126 00:13:47,077 --> 00:13:48,412 Want something to drink? 127 00:13:49,830 --> 00:13:51,581 How would you like that prepared? 128 00:13:51,790 --> 00:13:53,583 Can I get you something else? 129 00:13:55,419 --> 00:13:57,379 And on... 130 00:13:57,587 --> 00:13:59,214 and on... 131 00:13:59,423 --> 00:14:00,674 and on. 132 00:14:18,984 --> 00:14:20,152 Ready? 133 00:14:48,513 --> 00:14:51,933 When I remember it, I remember hearing... 134 00:14:59,274 --> 00:15:01,485 14% of the population 135 00:15:01,693 --> 00:15:03,862 lives below the poverty line in Greensburg. 136 00:15:06,323 --> 00:15:11,203 The average annual income per person is $24,599. 137 00:15:16,166 --> 00:15:18,418 One out of six have a college degree. 138 00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:27,260 Nine out of ten have at least one child. 139 00:15:31,765 --> 00:15:35,227 About 90 people die of drug overdoses every year. 140 00:15:39,022 --> 00:15:40,190 When I remember it... 141 00:15:43,819 --> 00:15:45,612 I remember knowing... 142 00:15:51,576 --> 00:15:54,413 I will never do any better. 143 00:16:04,214 --> 00:16:07,050 Dr. Woods will see you in a minute. First, I just need your... 144 00:16:07,259 --> 00:16:08,802 I thought... 145 00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:10,971 Never mind, sorry. 146 00:16:11,179 --> 00:16:13,140 Do you wanna use your mom's insurance? 147 00:16:13,348 --> 00:16:15,934 If that's okay. 148 00:16:16,143 --> 00:16:18,186 Do you have her policy number? 149 00:16:18,395 --> 00:16:20,272 Her policy number? 150 00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:25,569 Do you know who her provider is? 151 00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:28,738 I guess... 152 00:16:28,947 --> 00:16:31,324 no, not really. 153 00:16:31,533 --> 00:16:34,327 Do you have any information about her insurance at all? 154 00:16:37,038 --> 00:16:38,874 Uh... 155 00:16:39,082 --> 00:16:41,710 My mom and I don't really talk anymore. 156 00:16:43,795 --> 00:16:47,466 Lissa, I'm sorry about your dad. 157 00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:51,803 Not your fault. 158 00:16:53,847 --> 00:16:55,849 I'm sure I can find your mom's insurance here. 159 00:17:18,079 --> 00:17:20,207 Looks like you've put on a little bit of weight 160 00:17:20,415 --> 00:17:22,000 since last time you were in. 161 00:17:56,451 --> 00:17:58,370 Your heart rate's a little fast. 162 00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:00,622 Have you been doing anything you shouldn't? 163 00:18:00,830 --> 00:18:04,292 No. I don't do anything. 164 00:18:04,501 --> 00:18:06,294 II' 165 00:18:43,164 --> 00:18:45,500 Your blood pressure's 136 over 94. 166 00:18:45,709 --> 00:18:47,419 Is that normal? 167 00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:49,546 Normal's 120 over 80. 168 00:19:47,896 --> 00:19:49,814 Get up! Do something! 169 00:19:57,405 --> 00:19:58,782 Don't... 170 00:20:15,090 --> 00:20:16,675 I can't believe it's been a year. 171 00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:19,260 I just finished this philosophy class. Fucking awesome. 172 00:20:19,469 --> 00:20:21,509 It was about Wittgenstein. He said this great thing, 173 00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:24,516 he said, "Death is not an event of life, death is not lived through." 174 00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,434 What do you think about that? 175 00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:32,857 I don't. Don't other people live through it? 176 00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:36,528 Do you wanna sit down? 177 00:20:42,659 --> 00:20:45,578 I, um... I have a surprise for you. 178 00:20:45,787 --> 00:20:49,958 - Yeah? - I'm gonna take you to a bad place for good drugs. 179 00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:53,378 Happy birthday. 180 00:21:09,519 --> 00:21:12,230 My professor said I wrote the perfect essay. 181 00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:16,317 Those were his words. 182 00:21:16,526 --> 00:21:18,194 "Perfect." 183 00:21:20,488 --> 00:21:23,158 I focused on Wittgenstein's propositions. 184 00:21:24,534 --> 00:21:26,119 We should read them. 185 00:21:30,832 --> 00:21:32,250 I focused on... 186 00:21:32,459 --> 00:21:34,711 II' 187 00:21:40,717 --> 00:21:43,261 "If by eternity is understood" 188 00:21:43,470 --> 00:21:45,722 "not endless temporal duration but timelessness..." 189 00:22:11,623 --> 00:22:15,001 "Then he lives eternally who lives in the present." 190 00:22:18,838 --> 00:22:20,298 And that's true... 191 00:22:22,091 --> 00:22:24,969 It's about being present now. 192 00:22:25,178 --> 00:22:26,471 Right now. 193 00:22:49,619 --> 00:22:53,498 There's so much to see... to do... 194 00:22:55,834 --> 00:22:57,252 to become... 195 00:23:01,214 --> 00:23:03,341 I can't be trapped by home... 196 00:23:14,143 --> 00:23:15,645 in Greensburg. 197 00:23:18,565 --> 00:23:19,858 Family. 198 00:23:23,278 --> 00:23:24,529 Belief. 199 00:23:28,867 --> 00:23:30,827 I ended with what he wrote. 200 00:23:31,035 --> 00:23:35,707 "Our life is endless in the way our visual field is without limit." 201 00:24:02,358 --> 00:24:03,610 I'm tired. 202 00:24:03,818 --> 00:24:05,862 I feel like I've been talking all night. 203 00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:08,448 It's okay. 204 00:24:36,476 --> 00:24:38,603 Thank you for seeing me. 205 00:24:53,201 --> 00:24:55,328 So, why did you come in? 206 00:24:57,705 --> 00:25:01,376 Relax. Take it easy. Tell me what's wrong. 207 00:25:04,128 --> 00:25:05,296 I'm sorry, \... 208 00:25:08,383 --> 00:25:11,636 Okay, how about this? Can you at least tell me your chief symptom? 209 00:25:11,844 --> 00:25:15,223 - It's not... - Lissa, whatever you say to me is confidential. 210 00:25:15,431 --> 00:25:17,071 - I understand. - No, I'm not your mother. 211 00:25:17,266 --> 00:25:18,393 No, no. 212 00:25:24,065 --> 00:25:25,608 Do you have any kids, Dr. Woods? 213 00:25:25,817 --> 00:25:26,859 Do I? 214 00:25:27,068 --> 00:25:29,487 Yes, my wife and I have a daughter. 215 00:25:29,696 --> 00:25:31,322 - What's her name? - Kim. 216 00:25:31,531 --> 00:25:36,285 - How old is she? - She just turned two. 217 00:25:36,494 --> 00:25:38,538 And what do you want for her? 218 00:25:38,746 --> 00:25:40,289 What do you mean? 219 00:25:40,498 --> 00:25:42,667 Like when she grows up, what do you want her to be? 220 00:25:42,875 --> 00:25:44,210 I hold her sometimes. 221 00:25:44,419 --> 00:25:47,880 When I look at her legs, I wonder where she'll go, 222 00:25:48,089 --> 00:25:49,465 where her legs will take her. 223 00:25:52,010 --> 00:25:54,762 Away from here? 224 00:25:54,971 --> 00:25:56,931 Whatever's best for her. 225 00:25:59,058 --> 00:26:03,229 I came to see you because 20 days ago was my birthday. 226 00:26:03,438 --> 00:26:05,940 - And you just turned 20, right? - Yep. 227 00:26:06,149 --> 00:26:08,359 Only my 20th birthday. 228 00:26:32,467 --> 00:26:35,303 II' 229 00:26:35,511 --> 00:26:37,638 I can't believe I'm 20. 230 00:26:44,062 --> 00:26:46,814 This is the only birthday present I wanted. 231 00:27:01,579 --> 00:27:05,833 When I remember it, I remember feeling... 232 00:27:08,544 --> 00:27:10,338 everything at once... 233 00:27:11,589 --> 00:27:14,842 everything all together... 234 00:27:15,051 --> 00:27:18,262 everything in place... 235 00:27:18,471 --> 00:27:20,348 everything right now. 236 00:27:36,614 --> 00:27:39,283 II' 237 00:28:20,074 --> 00:28:22,535 And how many partners have you had? 238 00:28:22,743 --> 00:28:26,455 - Two. Just two. - Men, women, or both? 239 00:28:26,664 --> 00:28:28,040 Only men. 240 00:28:28,249 --> 00:28:31,002 At what age did you have your first sexual encounter? 241 00:28:31,210 --> 00:28:35,214 I was 13. Is that... 242 00:28:35,423 --> 00:28:38,217 - Was it vaginal intercourse? - Regular, vaginal. 243 00:28:38,426 --> 00:28:41,053 - When was the last time you had intercourse? - Twenty days ago. 244 00:28:41,262 --> 00:28:44,056 - And have you been using any birth control? - No. 245 00:28:44,265 --> 00:28:45,600 Did you use protection? 246 00:28:45,808 --> 00:28:48,895 Uh... we... 247 00:28:49,103 --> 00:28:51,189 No. No, we didn't. 248 00:28:51,397 --> 00:28:53,482 Are you experiencing any burning when you urinate? 249 00:28:53,691 --> 00:28:55,276 - No. - Any urethral discharge? 250 00:28:55,484 --> 00:28:59,238 - No. - When was your last menstrual period? 251 00:28:59,447 --> 00:29:02,158 That's kind of the reason I'm here. 252 00:31:19,045 --> 00:31:21,714 You are now listening to the sound of Daniel's voice. 253 00:31:21,922 --> 00:31:24,884 When you hear a beep, you will leave the sound of your own voice. 254 00:35:08,232 --> 00:35:10,985 At this point, a blood test is the only way to be certain. 255 00:35:11,193 --> 00:35:14,321 I don't like blood, and I'm afraid of needles. Is there any... 256 00:35:14,530 --> 00:35:17,074 - This isn't typical. - It isn't? 257 00:35:17,283 --> 00:35:18,867 No, not really, no. 258 00:35:19,076 --> 00:35:22,162 I don't know, I didn't know what to do or where to go. 259 00:35:22,371 --> 00:35:25,457 - Just go see the nurse. - Do I need to come back another day? 260 00:35:25,666 --> 00:35:29,128 She'll take care of it. She's excellent at drawing blood. 261 00:35:29,336 --> 00:35:31,547 It'll be fine. Promise. 262 00:35:39,346 --> 00:35:42,891 When I remember it, I remember fearing... 263 00:35:45,144 --> 00:35:47,479 inside my body is a body... 264 00:35:52,985 --> 00:35:54,778 Morning sickness, 265 00:35:54,987 --> 00:35:56,238 backaches, stretch marks, 266 00:35:56,447 --> 00:35:59,742 hemorrhoids, varicose veins, fatigue, 267 00:35:59,950 --> 00:36:02,077 indigestion, heartburn, 268 00:36:02,286 --> 00:36:05,414 breast tenderness, nausea, nine months until a birthday. 269 00:36:05,623 --> 00:36:08,042 Shortness of breath, rashes, mood swings, dry skin, 270 00:36:08,250 --> 00:36:11,420 constipation, engorged genitals, vaginal discharge, faintness, 271 00:36:11,629 --> 00:36:13,339 bloating disease, leg cramps. 272 00:36:15,466 --> 00:36:18,844 The most difficult part of giving birth was... 273 00:36:19,053 --> 00:36:21,096 The clock on the wall was the worst enemy. 274 00:36:21,305 --> 00:36:24,683 You remember everything about that day to the second. 275 00:36:24,892 --> 00:36:26,393 Every minute was like an hour. 276 00:36:26,602 --> 00:36:29,813 The moment that the contractions first start... 277 00:36:30,022 --> 00:36:34,485 - It was painful. - Pain is so horrific that it doesn't seem natural. 278 00:36:34,693 --> 00:36:36,528 I just wanted to rip my hair out. 279 00:36:36,737 --> 00:36:38,238 I just remember screaming. 280 00:36:38,447 --> 00:36:42,117 That needle was so long. 281 00:36:42,326 --> 00:36:44,244 And the contractions just kept getting stronger. 282 00:36:44,453 --> 00:36:46,372 All the blood vessels in my face broke. 283 00:36:46,580 --> 00:36:49,333 Felt like my face was turning inside out. 284 00:36:49,541 --> 00:36:52,062 All of the sudden, they're telling you they have to cut you open. 285 00:36:52,086 --> 00:36:54,338 And there was just blood everywhere. 286 00:36:54,546 --> 00:36:59,051 And you realize like you're going to have this baby 287 00:36:59,259 --> 00:37:01,303 and be responsible. 288 00:38:04,199 --> 00:38:06,952 Listen, I have really bad veins. 289 00:38:07,161 --> 00:38:09,288 I got them from my dad. 290 00:38:09,496 --> 00:38:12,124 Could you please come here? 291 00:38:12,332 --> 00:38:14,918 There's an issue that requires your immediate attention. 292 00:38:22,468 --> 00:38:23,594 When I remember it... 293 00:38:28,307 --> 00:38:30,058 I remember wanting... 294 00:38:32,519 --> 00:38:34,062 more time with him. 295 00:38:47,201 --> 00:38:48,494 More hours. 296 00:38:52,372 --> 00:38:53,415 More minutes. 297 00:38:55,042 --> 00:38:57,211 More words. 298 00:38:57,419 --> 00:38:59,463 Even more silence. 299 00:39:29,743 --> 00:39:31,495 Dad, can you pass the bread? 300 00:39:45,175 --> 00:39:46,468 Robert? 301 00:39:48,804 --> 00:39:49,972 Please. 302 00:40:00,816 --> 00:40:03,277 - Here you go, honey. - Thanks, Mom. 303 00:40:28,051 --> 00:40:29,386 Robert? 304 00:40:39,688 --> 00:40:42,232 Robert, did you take the car in? 305 00:40:43,901 --> 00:40:45,444 Robert? 306 00:40:45,652 --> 00:40:47,237 What are you doing? 307 00:40:49,948 --> 00:40:51,199 Robert? 308 00:40:52,576 --> 00:40:53,744 Look at me. 309 00:40:55,579 --> 00:40:56,705 Robert. 310 00:40:56,914 --> 00:41:00,000 Did you take the car...? 311 00:41:24,232 --> 00:41:25,817 Sorry. 312 00:41:29,947 --> 00:41:31,907 - Shouldn't have done that. - But I... 313 00:41:32,115 --> 00:41:34,117 Listen, I've been doing this for a long time. 314 00:42:13,740 --> 00:42:16,493 Now, make a fist. 315 00:42:26,169 --> 00:42:27,295 Faster. 316 00:42:27,504 --> 00:42:29,798 Faster. 317 00:42:32,551 --> 00:42:36,013 Come on. Almost there. 318 00:42:38,598 --> 00:42:40,058 Don't stop now, Lissa. 319 00:43:56,009 --> 00:43:58,345 Couldn't find the vein. 320 00:43:58,553 --> 00:44:00,806 Gotta try again. 321 00:44:11,233 --> 00:44:14,569 He started working in the mine on his 18th birthday. 322 00:44:16,988 --> 00:44:19,157 He was a beltman. 323 00:44:19,366 --> 00:44:22,536 He said it paid well, that it wasn't too dangerous. 324 00:44:24,246 --> 00:44:25,914 He did it for 26 years. 325 00:44:27,958 --> 00:44:29,835 He took pride in his work. 326 00:44:36,591 --> 00:44:39,594 Can't see the vein, but I can feel it. 327 00:44:47,227 --> 00:44:50,564 His grandfather was a coal miner before his father. 328 00:44:52,774 --> 00:44:55,485 His father before his brother. 329 00:44:55,694 --> 00:44:57,279 His brother before him. 330 00:44:58,780 --> 00:45:00,282 His brother with him. 331 00:45:09,541 --> 00:45:12,002 The Steelers are on at 1:00 Sunday. 332 00:45:12,210 --> 00:45:13,461 Kids coming over? 333 00:45:16,256 --> 00:45:18,383 It's been a while since you've been over. 334 00:45:24,306 --> 00:45:25,515 Robert. 335 00:45:36,026 --> 00:45:38,236 Hey, Gus, could you give us a second, please? 336 00:45:38,445 --> 00:45:39,738 Thank you. 337 00:45:42,824 --> 00:45:45,202 Look, no shit. 338 00:45:45,410 --> 00:45:47,495 These last couple weeks, you're fucked up. 339 00:45:47,704 --> 00:45:50,457 Yeah. No, I'm good. 340 00:45:50,665 --> 00:45:52,751 Look, you're my kid brother. 341 00:45:52,959 --> 00:45:56,254 If you need anything, if there's anything I can do for you... 342 00:45:56,463 --> 00:45:58,215 You know, whatever. 343 00:45:58,423 --> 00:45:59,466 I'm here for you. 344 00:45:59,674 --> 00:46:00,884 I know. 345 00:46:11,186 --> 00:46:12,479 Got it. 346 00:46:23,198 --> 00:46:26,159 That's it. 347 00:46:26,368 --> 00:46:29,162 - That's it? - Now you just have to wait for your results. 348 00:47:42,152 --> 00:47:44,571 It isn't much of a dinner, but... 349 00:47:49,617 --> 00:47:51,036 You're what? 350 00:47:54,706 --> 00:47:56,875 What grade are you in? 351 00:47:57,083 --> 00:47:59,252 Eleventh. Duh. 352 00:48:01,046 --> 00:48:02,213 Ha. 353 00:48:05,592 --> 00:48:08,428 Your mom expects you to go to college. 354 00:48:08,636 --> 00:48:10,013 So do I. 355 00:48:10,221 --> 00:48:11,348 I know. 356 00:48:13,516 --> 00:48:15,685 Nobody pushed me into doing anything. 357 00:48:17,270 --> 00:48:19,230 Except work in the mines. 358 00:48:21,024 --> 00:48:23,485 - Was that with Uncle Keith? - Yeah, but he's... 359 00:48:27,238 --> 00:48:28,573 You Okay? 360 00:48:34,454 --> 00:48:36,164 I'm so proud of you. 361 00:48:38,333 --> 00:48:40,794 You sure you're okay? 362 00:48:43,129 --> 00:48:45,382 You're the best part of me. 363 00:48:49,052 --> 00:48:53,807 I want you to have everything that I didn't have. 364 00:48:57,185 --> 00:49:00,980 You know, your mother can be... 365 00:49:02,565 --> 00:49:04,067 But she loves you. 366 00:49:06,694 --> 00:49:08,738 She's so... 367 00:49:08,947 --> 00:49:11,866 Just remember that. 368 00:49:14,702 --> 00:49:16,913 Seriously, is everything okay? 369 00:49:17,122 --> 00:49:18,748 Everything's fine. 370 00:49:20,375 --> 00:49:22,001 Sure? 371 00:49:28,174 --> 00:49:30,301 Everything's gonna be fine. 372 00:49:33,221 --> 00:49:35,014 Everything... 373 00:49:35,223 --> 00:49:37,225 is gonna be fine. 374 00:50:17,348 --> 00:50:20,810 On that day, he woke up at 7 a.m. 375 00:50:24,063 --> 00:50:26,566 Or he woke up at 7:30 a.m. 376 00:50:26,774 --> 00:50:28,902 No one knows for certain. 377 00:50:30,236 --> 00:50:32,655 He had slept for three hours. 378 00:50:32,864 --> 00:50:35,116 Or for three and a half hours. 379 00:50:35,325 --> 00:50:38,578 His morning was the same as it had been for 26 years. 380 00:51:00,767 --> 00:51:03,811 He always drank two cups of coffee, 381 00:51:04,020 --> 00:51:08,650 but the autopsy report said that there was alcohol in his system. 382 00:51:08,858 --> 00:51:10,860 I prefer to think there wasn't. 383 00:51:31,339 --> 00:51:34,634 At about 8:15 a.m., he bought a pack of cigarettes. 384 00:51:36,636 --> 00:51:40,431 - The last words he ever heard were... - Have a good one. 385 00:51:40,640 --> 00:51:43,351 - Or he heard... - See you tomorrow. 386 00:51:43,560 --> 00:51:46,813 - Or he heard... - Need any matches? 387 00:51:47,021 --> 00:51:49,732 Or he heard nothing. 388 00:51:52,068 --> 00:51:53,611 He drove south on Church Street... 389 00:51:56,155 --> 00:51:58,533 turned right on route 31... 390 00:52:00,159 --> 00:52:03,705 took the ramp to route 70 heading east... 391 00:52:05,665 --> 00:52:07,917 continued on 119 north... 392 00:52:11,379 --> 00:52:14,257 took a right... 393 00:52:14,465 --> 00:52:16,217 then another right. 394 00:52:20,471 --> 00:52:23,141 As he drove, he smoked five cigarettes. 395 00:52:35,695 --> 00:52:39,157 He arrived at his destination some time late in the morning. 396 00:52:44,329 --> 00:52:47,457 Was he crying? 397 00:52:47,665 --> 00:52:51,628 Did he think of his wife, his daughter? 398 00:52:53,630 --> 00:52:55,882 Did he ask for forgiveness? 399 00:52:58,051 --> 00:52:59,969 Was his last feeling relief? 400 00:53:41,636 --> 00:53:43,971 Took over six hours for his body to be found. 401 00:54:03,908 --> 00:54:05,827 II' 402 00:54:20,341 --> 00:54:22,301 When I remember it... 403 00:54:24,762 --> 00:54:26,597 I remember wishing... 404 00:54:28,599 --> 00:54:29,851 I could start over. 405 00:54:32,395 --> 00:54:34,313 I could go back to the first day of school. 406 00:54:36,399 --> 00:54:38,276 I could try harder. 407 00:54:40,319 --> 00:54:41,904 I could get better grades. 408 00:54:44,115 --> 00:54:46,200 I could take back that first kiss. 409 00:54:48,286 --> 00:54:50,872 I could erase the mistakes I've made. 410 00:54:53,458 --> 00:54:55,585 I could say goodbye to him. 411 00:54:57,587 --> 00:55:01,048 I could tell him not to make that drive. 412 00:55:01,257 --> 00:55:04,135 I could explain what he left us with. 413 00:55:06,137 --> 00:55:08,306 I could listen to my mom more. 414 00:55:10,308 --> 00:55:11,893 I could be more patient. 415 00:55:13,478 --> 00:55:14,645 More understanding. 416 00:55:16,314 --> 00:55:17,523 More empathetic. 417 00:55:21,444 --> 00:55:23,905 I could do all of those things. 418 00:55:26,115 --> 00:55:27,450 I could start over. 419 00:55:46,385 --> 00:55:48,304 II' 420 00:55:57,063 --> 00:55:58,439 I'm Joan Maruska. 421 00:55:58,648 --> 00:56:00,483 Thank you so much for coming out. 422 00:56:00,691 --> 00:56:03,569 I'm going to talk to you about the importance of unions in our lives, 423 00:56:03,778 --> 00:56:05,321 in our country's life. 424 00:56:05,530 --> 00:56:08,950 Unions are important because they are the only organized 425 00:56:09,158 --> 00:56:12,328 collective voice for workers in America. 426 00:57:07,508 --> 00:57:08,885 Mom'? 427 00:57:09,093 --> 00:57:13,514 I know it's been a long time, but something's happened. 428 00:57:18,269 --> 00:57:20,438 Why don't you come in and we'll talk about it? 429 00:57:39,373 --> 00:57:41,417 It's Daniel's, isn't it? 430 00:57:43,210 --> 00:57:44,962 I'm not sure it's anything yet. 431 00:57:45,171 --> 00:57:47,632 But yeah. 432 00:57:47,840 --> 00:57:52,094 You know, you're gonna have to start taking care of yourself. 433 00:57:52,303 --> 00:57:55,598 You're gonna have to eat better and you're... 434 00:57:55,806 --> 00:58:00,519 - Stop, I get it. - You are going to have to be responsible 435 00:58:00,728 --> 00:58:02,188 for someone else. 436 00:58:02,396 --> 00:58:05,066 - I need... - You need to grow up. 437 00:58:05,274 --> 00:58:08,444 - I can't fucking... - Stop that language and don't you raise... 438 00:58:08,653 --> 00:58:10,529 - You're judging me. - Don't you raise your... 439 00:58:10,738 --> 00:58:12,031 I came here for help, 440 00:58:12,239 --> 00:58:14,992 and all you can do is stare at your fucking wine glass. 441 00:58:28,714 --> 00:58:30,716 All you can think about is yourself. 442 00:58:30,925 --> 00:58:32,510 What does that even mean? 443 00:58:32,718 --> 00:58:34,387 Look, I feel bad. 444 00:58:34,595 --> 00:58:37,807 The situation is bad, it's really bad. 445 00:58:38,015 --> 00:58:39,517 I'm glad to hear that you feel bad, 446 00:58:39,725 --> 00:58:41,227 because if you didn't feel bad... 447 00:58:43,062 --> 00:58:45,982 I would be worried that you wouldn't feel anything at all. 448 00:58:47,942 --> 00:58:49,777 Wonder where I get that from. 449 00:58:51,320 --> 00:58:54,073 I can't live up to your bullshit expectations. 450 00:58:54,281 --> 00:58:58,703 I try, I try every day. That's all I do. 451 00:58:58,911 --> 00:59:01,163 You're a constant disappointment to me. 452 00:59:01,372 --> 00:59:05,710 Every day I think of you, and you know what I think? 453 00:59:05,918 --> 00:59:09,380 You think I'm okay with this, to be stuck here? 454 00:59:09,588 --> 00:59:11,424 What makes you think I'm okay with my life? 455 00:59:11,632 --> 00:59:13,592 I think, what a waste. 456 00:59:15,344 --> 00:59:18,014 I don't expect you to go to Harvard, 457 00:59:18,222 --> 00:59:20,224 to win a Rhodes Scholarship. 458 00:59:20,433 --> 00:59:22,810 - I don't expect much out of you. - I hate it. 459 00:59:23,019 --> 00:59:25,813 I hate Dad for what he did, I hate you for how you are. 460 00:59:26,022 --> 00:59:28,441 I expect you to do something. 461 00:59:28,649 --> 00:59:30,234 You've squandered every opportunity, 462 00:59:30,443 --> 00:59:31,986 everything your father wanted for you. 463 00:59:32,194 --> 00:59:35,156 - I hate everything. - Look at you, just look at you. 464 00:59:35,364 --> 00:59:38,951 - I hate my stupid life. - That's your answer for everything. 465 00:59:39,160 --> 00:59:41,996 Oh, I hate this. Oh, everything sucks. 466 00:59:42,204 --> 00:59:43,456 Yeah, Mom, keep mocking. 467 00:59:43,664 --> 00:59:45,791 "I'm just a poor little victim baby with nothing, 468 00:59:46,000 --> 00:59:48,044 - "and everybody sucks but me." - Keep it coming. 469 00:59:48,252 --> 00:59:49,812 - What else? What else? - You know what? 470 00:59:50,004 --> 00:59:52,715 I'm sick of trying with you. I am sick. 471 00:59:52,923 --> 00:59:54,425 Yeah, you're right. 472 00:59:54,633 --> 00:59:56,319 That's the first right thing you've ever said, you're sick. 473 00:59:56,343 --> 00:59:58,179 And you sicken me. 474 00:59:58,387 --> 01:00:01,640 At least I do something with myself. 475 01:00:03,768 --> 01:00:06,145 - Talk talk, that's all it is. - You are 20 years old. 476 01:00:06,353 --> 01:00:09,065 - And what do you do? - When I really need you, you're not present! 477 01:00:09,273 --> 01:00:11,692 - I came to you, I need your help. - I don't even know you! 478 01:00:11,901 --> 01:00:15,488 - I need you. - And the shit you do! The shit you do! 479 01:00:17,448 --> 01:00:21,368 I didn't kill him. It's not my fault. 480 01:00:21,577 --> 01:00:24,371 You say you try. I don't see you trying. 481 01:00:24,580 --> 01:00:27,541 You say you try? I try. 482 01:00:27,750 --> 01:00:29,794 And I tried. 483 01:00:31,337 --> 01:00:33,047 And I still try. 484 01:00:35,966 --> 01:00:37,259 You just wallow in it. 485 01:00:41,263 --> 01:00:43,516 I loved him and... 486 01:00:46,685 --> 01:00:48,270 As if I didn't. 487 01:00:49,522 --> 01:00:51,565 That is not what I meant. 488 01:01:00,574 --> 01:01:04,495 And you know what? You did kill him. 489 01:01:04,703 --> 01:01:08,541 The same way, when I was, what, 8, you told me my lower lip was too big. 490 01:01:08,749 --> 01:01:10,029 My eyes were too close together. 491 01:01:10,167 --> 01:01:11,669 I didn't do that. 492 01:01:11,877 --> 01:01:15,339 You did. You did the same thing to him, slowly, over time. 493 01:01:15,548 --> 01:01:17,748 Like when you belittled me when I was learning to count. 494 01:01:17,800 --> 01:01:20,386 I'd always mess up four and five. 495 01:01:22,179 --> 01:01:24,348 I'm sorry that happened. 496 01:01:24,557 --> 01:01:29,145 It didn't just happen. It wasn't an accident. 497 01:01:29,353 --> 01:01:31,897 You did it. 498 01:01:32,106 --> 01:01:34,150 Again and again. 499 01:01:43,159 --> 01:01:44,994 I'm sorry. 500 01:01:47,621 --> 01:01:49,790 I'm sorry I did that to you. 501 01:01:53,085 --> 01:01:55,212 You fucking should be. 502 01:02:11,687 --> 01:02:13,731 Happy birthday, by the way. 503 01:02:18,235 --> 01:02:20,196 I thought you forgot. 504 01:02:36,837 --> 01:02:39,840 Okay. Okay, Lissa. 505 01:02:41,008 --> 01:02:43,177 What do you want to talk about? 506 01:05:18,123 --> 01:05:20,084 Did you know... 507 01:05:22,628 --> 01:05:24,421 Did you think... 508 01:05:24,630 --> 01:05:27,466 Did you know he would ever do anything like that? 509 01:05:30,803 --> 01:05:32,679 No, no. 510 01:05:32,888 --> 01:05:35,849 I was working so much, you know. 511 01:05:36,058 --> 01:05:37,976 Seventy hours a week, I wasn't around. 512 01:05:38,185 --> 01:05:43,399 I mean, I think if I had been, maybe I, maybe I could have... 513 01:05:43,607 --> 01:05:46,360 Yeah, I think the same things. 514 01:05:46,568 --> 01:05:49,113 I want you to know something about your father. 515 01:05:49,321 --> 01:05:52,324 He was never happy. 516 01:05:52,533 --> 01:05:55,536 Even when we were young and I first met him 517 01:05:55,744 --> 01:05:57,246 at the union rally, he wasn't happy. 518 01:05:57,454 --> 01:05:59,706 He never thought anything he did was good. 519 01:05:59,915 --> 01:06:03,252 He never thought anything he did was worthwhile, except for one thing. 520 01:06:03,460 --> 01:06:06,171 He loved you. 521 01:06:06,380 --> 01:06:09,007 More than anything in the world. 522 01:06:09,216 --> 01:06:11,969 And he was proud of you. 523 01:06:14,263 --> 01:06:17,015 I remember the day you were born. 524 01:06:17,224 --> 01:06:20,853 You were... you were so little. 525 01:06:21,061 --> 01:06:25,566 You fit into his, his arm, just... 526 01:06:27,359 --> 01:06:29,736 your whole length of your body, and he held you 527 01:06:29,945 --> 01:06:33,449 and he pulled you to his heart, and I want you to know... 528 01:06:35,033 --> 01:06:37,619 it was your father that wanted to have you. 529 01:06:39,204 --> 01:06:42,458 I wasn't sure that I would be a good mother. 530 01:06:42,666 --> 01:06:45,836 And I know I'm not a lot of the time. 531 01:06:46,044 --> 01:06:49,006 - I know I mess up. - Yeah, so do I. 532 01:06:49,214 --> 01:06:52,593 But to answer your question, 533 01:06:52,801 --> 01:06:56,305 yes, I knew he was getting worse. 534 01:06:56,513 --> 01:06:58,557 He was drinking all the time. 535 01:06:58,765 --> 01:07:00,660 Just like his father, you must have noticed that. 536 01:07:00,684 --> 01:07:02,853 I don't know, I think so. 537 01:07:03,061 --> 01:07:05,606 I knew that something was very wrong with him. 538 01:07:08,233 --> 01:07:10,777 And I wanted him to get help. 539 01:07:10,986 --> 01:07:13,071 Did you like force him? 540 01:07:15,908 --> 01:07:18,368 It was more complicated than that. 541 01:07:18,577 --> 01:07:21,663 Nobody forced anybody. 542 01:07:21,872 --> 01:07:24,833 Okay, well, explain it to me. 543 01:07:44,895 --> 01:07:46,772 Why do you always do that? 544 01:07:50,943 --> 01:07:53,320 Why can't you just tell me? 545 01:08:04,206 --> 01:08:06,166 This is... 546 01:08:06,375 --> 01:08:08,961 uh, very... 547 01:08:09,169 --> 01:08:11,922 hard for me to talk about. 548 01:08:12,130 --> 01:08:13,465 That's not fair. 549 01:08:13,674 --> 01:08:15,551 I don't care if it's fair or not. 550 01:08:15,759 --> 01:08:17,135 - He was my dad. - Hmm. 551 01:08:17,344 --> 01:08:20,722 Yeah, great. That's a stunning observation. 552 01:08:20,931 --> 01:08:24,643 Fuck you. I fucking hate you. 553 01:08:24,851 --> 01:08:27,062 That's better, but still not original. 554 01:08:27,271 --> 01:08:29,471 - What the fuck is wrong with you? - I think it's better 555 01:08:29,648 --> 01:08:31,483 for you just to stay in your fantasy world. 556 01:08:31,692 --> 01:08:36,530 You're the worst fucking thing that has ever happened to me. 557 01:08:38,824 --> 01:08:43,662 I can't believe you won't tell... 558 01:08:43,870 --> 01:08:45,497 I can't believe... 559 01:08:45,706 --> 01:08:48,667 I can't believe you won't tell me. 560 01:08:50,544 --> 01:08:51,920 I can't bel... 561 01:08:52,129 --> 01:08:54,214 I can't believe... 562 01:08:54,423 --> 01:08:56,842 I can't believe you won't tell me. 563 01:08:57,050 --> 01:09:00,137 I can't fucking believe you won't tell me! 564 01:09:18,447 --> 01:09:20,407 Just tell me! 565 01:09:22,993 --> 01:09:24,536 Okay. 566 01:09:51,313 --> 01:09:53,357 It was Wednesday. 567 01:09:53,565 --> 01:09:55,067 The day before. 568 01:09:55,275 --> 01:09:57,861 - The day before he died? - Yeah. 569 01:09:58,070 --> 01:09:59,863 The day with the door. 570 01:10:02,032 --> 01:10:03,283 The door. 571 01:10:03,492 --> 01:10:04,743 Yeah. 572 01:10:11,291 --> 01:10:14,628 But what I didn't tell you is that I was there. 573 01:10:20,342 --> 01:10:23,428 - You'd always said... - I know. 574 01:10:23,637 --> 01:10:27,265 But I didn't want you to think of him that way. 575 01:10:27,474 --> 01:10:30,060 It's hard to even imagine him like that. 576 01:10:31,687 --> 01:10:34,356 I wish I could have hid that from you. 577 01:10:34,564 --> 01:10:36,983 It was there when I got home. 578 01:10:37,192 --> 01:10:39,945 Everything I did was to protect you from him. 579 01:10:40,153 --> 01:10:42,322 And from that, and from knowing that. 580 01:11:03,969 --> 01:11:05,804 I was just... 581 01:11:06,012 --> 01:11:08,390 - Reacting? - Something like that. 582 01:11:28,243 --> 01:11:32,581 I don't even know what I... what I... what I did. 583 01:11:44,050 --> 01:11:45,177 310D - 584 01:11:45,385 --> 01:11:46,428 He came towards me... 585 01:11:47,512 --> 01:11:49,222 - Mom. - Please. 586 01:11:53,393 --> 01:11:54,686 Don't. 587 01:11:54,895 --> 01:11:57,439 Stop! 588 01:11:57,647 --> 01:11:59,232 Robert! Stop! Stop! 589 01:11:59,441 --> 01:12:02,652 You don't have to do whatever you're thinking of doing! 590 01:12:14,080 --> 01:12:16,750 And he said, "First you..." 591 01:12:16,958 --> 01:12:19,836 - No. - "...then Lissa, then me." 592 01:12:20,045 --> 01:12:23,048 No. He would never say that. 593 01:12:33,225 --> 01:12:34,810 There are things I'm not gonna tell you. 594 01:12:36,561 --> 01:12:38,441 There are parts of this you're never gonna know. 595 01:12:41,983 --> 01:12:43,068 Robert. 596 01:12:57,916 --> 01:12:59,668 I told him I was leaving him. 597 01:13:00,961 --> 01:13:02,963 And that I was taking you with me. 598 01:13:03,171 --> 01:13:05,924 And that we couldn't live like this. 599 01:13:06,132 --> 01:13:07,259 And he... 600 01:13:39,249 --> 01:13:41,835 Don't... 601 01:13:42,043 --> 01:13:43,545 Don't tell her. 602 01:13:53,138 --> 01:13:56,683 And I went looking for you, and I looked all over. 603 01:13:56,892 --> 01:13:59,060 I went to school, and you weren't there. 604 01:13:59,269 --> 01:14:01,646 I went over to Daniel's parents' house, you weren't there. 605 01:14:01,855 --> 01:14:03,648 I went to Aimee's house, I looked all over, 606 01:14:03,857 --> 01:14:06,651 and then I came home and you were there. 607 01:14:06,860 --> 01:14:08,445 With him. 608 01:14:08,653 --> 01:14:10,488 He was so calm. 609 01:14:12,616 --> 01:14:14,618 He made me a sandwich. 610 01:14:16,703 --> 01:14:19,956 And he said, "Everything's gonna be fine." 611 01:14:22,709 --> 01:14:24,169 I know. 612 01:14:24,377 --> 01:14:26,880 What I really thought is that everything was okay 613 01:14:27,088 --> 01:14:28,506 and that it was over. 614 01:14:28,715 --> 01:14:30,216 And then he left. 615 01:14:32,302 --> 01:14:34,638 And that's the last time... 616 01:14:34,846 --> 01:14:37,265 He did come back. He came back later that night 617 01:14:37,474 --> 01:14:40,977 and he got into bed with me and I was too tired to say anything 618 01:14:41,186 --> 01:14:42,562 or to do anything. 619 01:14:42,771 --> 01:14:45,357 And then the next morning, he was gone. 620 01:14:47,192 --> 01:14:49,611 There's nothing you could have done, you know that, right? 621 01:14:49,819 --> 01:14:52,864 - Yeah. Yeah, I know. - Listen to me. 622 01:14:54,866 --> 01:14:58,328 There is nothing you could have done. 623 01:14:58,536 --> 01:15:00,664 I miss him a lot. 624 01:15:04,709 --> 01:15:08,630 Despite everything that happened, I miss him all the time. 625 01:15:12,801 --> 01:15:15,136 I never thought you can love a human being 626 01:15:15,345 --> 01:15:17,472 as much as you love your kids. 627 01:15:17,681 --> 01:15:20,517 And you'll do anything for them, anything. 628 01:15:28,191 --> 01:15:30,568 The best part of the day is whenever my kids smile at me 629 01:15:30,777 --> 01:15:32,777 or they give me a hug and say, "I love you, Mommy." 630 01:15:32,821 --> 01:15:34,948 My kids are my best friends. They are. 631 01:15:35,156 --> 01:15:38,660 They are my world. They're funny. 632 01:15:38,868 --> 01:15:41,579 You know, I just love 'em, I love 'em. 633 01:15:41,788 --> 01:15:44,541 No matter what they do, 634 01:15:44,749 --> 01:15:49,963 that you will, as a mother, love them unconditionally. 635 01:15:50,171 --> 01:15:54,634 They're the reason that I've chosen to go on with life, 636 01:15:54,843 --> 01:15:57,053 when I didn't want to. 637 01:15:57,262 --> 01:16:00,890 As long as they can grow up happy and healthy 638 01:16:01,099 --> 01:16:03,476 and be good people, 639 01:16:03,685 --> 01:16:07,063 that you'll do anything that you need to do 640 01:16:07,272 --> 01:16:09,065 to make that happen. 641 01:16:16,197 --> 01:16:17,949 I love her. 642 01:16:21,578 --> 01:16:22,871 Everything... 643 01:16:24,080 --> 01:16:26,332 would be okay... 644 01:16:26,541 --> 01:16:28,710 if he just hadn't... 645 01:16:28,918 --> 01:16:31,296 It can still be okay. 646 01:16:33,631 --> 01:16:35,842 Well, we have to find out whether, um... 647 01:16:36,051 --> 01:16:37,510 Either way. 648 01:16:39,387 --> 01:16:42,015 Everything in the past has just gone so wrong. 649 01:16:44,392 --> 01:16:47,437 I wish... I wonder... 650 01:16:47,645 --> 01:16:49,647 Listen to me. 651 01:16:49,856 --> 01:16:55,028 You can question everything in the past. 652 01:16:56,362 --> 01:16:59,449 All the whos, the what's, the wheres, 653 01:16:59,657 --> 01:17:02,952 but what matters is here now. 654 01:17:05,955 --> 01:17:07,624 I'm here for you. 655 01:17:11,086 --> 01:17:12,712 You're not alone. 656 01:17:24,766 --> 01:17:29,062 When I remember it, I remember understanding. 657 01:18:06,224 --> 01:18:07,934 When the test results came in... 658 01:18:16,359 --> 01:18:18,236 I knew it wasn't my time. 659 01:18:21,865 --> 01:18:23,533 But one day it will be. 660 01:18:35,420 --> 01:18:37,130 [beeping 510F351. 661 01:18:41,176 --> 01:18:42,886 Then I'll be ready. 662 01:20:24,487 --> 01:20:27,282 Gonna make a wish? 663 01:20:27,490 --> 01:20:28,908 Absolutely. 664 01:20:30,618 --> 01:20:32,704 - What is it? - I can't tell you. 665 01:20:32,912 --> 01:20:35,915 It won't come true. 666 01:20:36,124 --> 01:20:39,043 Want to know what mine is? 667 01:20:40,920 --> 01:20:42,171 On the count of three. 668 01:20:43,715 --> 01:20:46,092 One... 669 01:20:46,301 --> 01:20:48,469 two... 670 01:20:48,678 --> 01:20:50,138 three. 671 01:20:57,145 --> 01:21:00,064 II'