1
00:02:54,300 --> 00:02:56,010
When I remember it...
2
00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:00,222
I remember thinking...
3
00:03:02,558 --> 00:03:05,686
the entire population
of Greensburg, Pennsylvania,
4
00:03:05,895 --> 00:03:09,315
is 14,892.
5
00:03:11,150 --> 00:03:13,986
If you divide that by
the number of days in the year,
6
00:03:14,195 --> 00:03:18,032
there should be 41 people with
the same birthday every day.
7
00:03:20,743 --> 00:03:26,165
In my lifetime, the population
has decreased by 12.6%.
8
00:03:26,374 --> 00:03:31,253
Soon, another 12.6%
will be gone.
9
00:03:31,462 --> 00:03:33,714
And another.
10
00:03:33,923 --> 00:03:35,383
And another.
11
00:03:35,591 --> 00:03:37,259
Then another.
12
00:03:44,809 --> 00:03:46,686
Until all that's
left here is me.
13
00:03:50,106 --> 00:03:51,482
Me without you.
14
00:04:05,996 --> 00:04:08,499
Me and the one thing
I was waiting to find out about.
15
00:04:16,924 --> 00:04:18,384
They were also waiting.
16
00:04:20,886 --> 00:04:22,722
In the middle of nowhere.
17
00:04:25,224 --> 00:04:26,934
In this doctor's office.
18
00:04:28,853 --> 00:04:30,730
At 7:30 in the morning.
19
00:04:35,693 --> 00:04:38,779
Twenty days ago, I turned 20.
20
00:04:45,369 --> 00:04:46,996
Now we were all waiting to see
21
00:04:47,204 --> 00:04:48,873
how many more birthdays
we'd have.
22
00:04:51,167 --> 00:04:53,127
If there'd be one or 100.
23
00:04:55,463 --> 00:04:58,007
If there'd be anyone new
to share them with.
24
00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:08,517
I've spent every birthday
in Greensburg.
25
00:05:10,269 --> 00:05:12,563
Every day.
26
00:05:12,772 --> 00:05:14,315
Every minute.
27
00:05:15,733 --> 00:05:16,859
Every second.
28
00:05:48,098 --> 00:05:52,812
When I remember it,
I remember believing
29
00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:55,856
everything begins
with one exact moment.
30
00:07:40,628 --> 00:07:42,338
Daniel.
31
00:07:44,340 --> 00:07:45,591
Daniel.
32
00:07:47,885 --> 00:07:49,511
Daniel.
33
00:08:16,372 --> 00:08:18,582
Did you hear what I just said?
34
00:08:22,711 --> 00:08:24,171
You don't care.
35
00:08:24,380 --> 00:08:26,799
You don't know anything.
Everything's fucked up.
36
00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:28,968
What's the point
of even talking to you?
37
00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:31,595
How can you say that?
38
00:08:31,804 --> 00:08:35,265
After, after last year, after how my
mom's been acting, after my dad?
39
00:08:35,474 --> 00:08:36,976
- I don't...
- Don't. Just don't.
40
00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:39,311
Don't say I don't want
to end up like him?
41
00:08:41,313 --> 00:08:44,066
Neither do you.
42
00:08:44,274 --> 00:08:48,153
Here's the truest thing
I've ever said: Fuck you.
43
00:08:48,362 --> 00:08:49,863
Whatever.
44
00:08:50,072 --> 00:08:51,991
And what about your mom,
have you talked to her?
45
00:08:52,199 --> 00:08:53,575
Not since graduation.
46
00:08:56,245 --> 00:08:58,831
Look, I didn't mean you don't
care, I didn't mean it that way.
47
00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:02,126
- It's pretty clear how you meant it.
- Was it?
48
00:09:02,334 --> 00:09:03,836
I'm hungry-
49
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:05,546
What? What are you
talking about?
50
00:09:05,754 --> 00:09:07,965
That's an example
of being clear, "I'm hungry,"
51
00:09:08,173 --> 00:09:10,217
which is what I am, hungry.
52
00:09:10,426 --> 00:09:12,094
Come on, that doesn't
make any sense.
53
00:09:12,302 --> 00:09:14,471
And bored. Hungry and bored.
54
00:09:14,680 --> 00:09:16,932
What do you wanna do, then?
55
00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:21,020
I don't know.
56
00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:24,398
Go to the porn store.
I'm legal now.
57
00:09:24,606 --> 00:09:26,817
That one where the girls
wear nothing but a smile?
58
00:09:27,026 --> 00:09:28,944
No, that's a strip club.
59
00:09:29,153 --> 00:09:32,614
I was talking more about the
ones that flank the Barnes & Noble.
60
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:37,911
All that I was trying
to say is that...
61
00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:40,330
it's got nothing to do
with your family.
62
00:09:40,539 --> 00:09:42,875
I just meant that
you'll be out of here soon.
63
00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:44,543
You're going to college.
64
00:09:44,752 --> 00:09:46,879
- It's only a state school.
- So what?
65
00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:49,173
Not far away.
66
00:09:49,381 --> 00:09:51,967
Still better than
being stuck here.
67
00:09:52,176 --> 00:09:55,095
Did you know Mount Pleasant
used to be called Hell Town?
68
00:09:55,304 --> 00:09:57,222
That's not true.
69
00:09:57,431 --> 00:09:59,892
- It is.
- Why?
70
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,519
Something to do with,
this was in the '20s or something.
71
00:10:02,728 --> 00:10:04,354
Coal miners lived
in Mount Pleasant,
72
00:10:04,563 --> 00:10:07,107
whereas the rich bosses
lived in Scottdale, on the hill.
73
00:10:09,568 --> 00:10:10,903
They should just go back
74
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:13,363
and rename the whole
goddamn area Hell Town.
75
00:10:33,258 --> 00:10:35,803
Sorry about earlier.
I was being a sharktopus.
76
00:10:36,011 --> 00:10:38,806
- I was gonna say a sea hag.
- I don't get it.
77
00:10:39,014 --> 00:10:40,374
A sharktopus
would make a good pet.
78
00:10:40,474 --> 00:10:42,142
Sea hag is Jennifer Aniston.
79
00:10:42,351 --> 00:10:43,911
I like Jennifer Aniston.
We go way back.
80
00:10:44,061 --> 00:10:46,021
We're tight like spandex.
81
00:10:46,230 --> 00:10:48,398
- Also, bumps, not lines.
- What?
82
00:10:48,607 --> 00:10:50,025
I definitely wasn't
a sea monster.
83
00:10:50,234 --> 00:10:52,236
- It's not coke.
- A sea hag, and yes you were.
84
00:10:52,444 --> 00:10:53,904
It's cheap trucker's meth.
85
00:10:54,113 --> 00:10:56,782
It's just that, for real,
I can't stand this place.
86
00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:59,677
At least now I don't have to worry
about finding a job with dental insurance.
87
00:10:59,701 --> 00:11:01,537
I can't end up like
these disgusting people.
88
00:11:01,745 --> 00:11:03,997
I don't wanna drive my
12-year-old car to a stupid job.
89
00:11:04,206 --> 00:11:07,126
- I don't want to think about cheating on my fat wife.
- See those lights?
90
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:10,694
I don't wanna work at my shit job for shit
pay so I can afford another used shit car.
91
00:11:10,838 --> 00:11:12,965
Lissa, do you see them?
92
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:17,136
- Shit!
- What should we do?
93
00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:18,846
Daniel, take care of the phone.
94
00:11:21,807 --> 00:11:23,076
I can't believe
this is happening.
95
00:11:23,100 --> 00:11:24,935
Everyone, dust off your hands.
96
00:11:25,144 --> 00:11:26,562
I'm going to M-I-fucking-T.
97
00:11:29,273 --> 00:11:30,649
I have an idea.
98
00:11:38,115 --> 00:11:39,867
Can I help you, officer?
99
00:11:40,075 --> 00:11:41,660
What have you got going on here?
100
00:11:44,329 --> 00:11:46,248
II'
101
00:11:56,091 --> 00:11:58,719
Not sure yet... sir.
102
00:12:00,762 --> 00:12:02,181
Take it elsewhere.
103
00:12:21,867 --> 00:12:25,078
- Fuck it all, fuck.
- Fuck you, copper.
104
00:12:28,373 --> 00:12:30,000
Lissa Maruska?
105
00:12:46,642 --> 00:12:49,728
How are you today?
Ready to order?
106
00:12:49,937 --> 00:12:51,730
I've been waitressing
for about two years.
107
00:12:51,939 --> 00:12:54,024
A little under two years.
108
00:12:54,233 --> 00:12:56,902
- I'm a human resources manager.
- I'm a chef and owner.
109
00:12:57,110 --> 00:13:00,322
I teach family consumer science,
which used to be known as home economics.
110
00:13:00,530 --> 00:13:02,241
I am a custodian.
111
00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:05,535
I work for the county,
which is a good job,
112
00:13:05,744 --> 00:13:06,912
although it's a crappy shift.
113
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,830
I am actually
a stay-at-home mom.
114
00:13:09,039 --> 00:13:12,501
Some days you feel like you
don't talk to any other adults.
115
00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:15,295
I spent 25 years
as a Pennsylvania state trooper.
116
00:13:15,504 --> 00:13:17,631
I'm a union rep
for public employees in schools,
117
00:13:17,839 --> 00:13:20,259
meaning teachers
and their support staffs,
118
00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:23,345
such as bus drivers,
cafeteria workers, custodians.
119
00:13:23,553 --> 00:13:25,097
Worst part is the repetition.
120
00:13:27,641 --> 00:13:30,201
Maybe it's having to balance
multiple things like a circus clown.
121
00:13:34,898 --> 00:13:36,066
No.
122
00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:39,319
It's the repetition.
123
00:13:41,196 --> 00:13:43,115
So, how are you doing?
124
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:44,783
Wanna hear the specials?
125
00:13:44,992 --> 00:13:46,868
What can I get for you?
126
00:13:47,077 --> 00:13:48,412
Want something to drink?
127
00:13:49,830 --> 00:13:51,581
How would you
like that prepared?
128
00:13:51,790 --> 00:13:53,583
Can I get you something else?
129
00:13:55,419 --> 00:13:57,379
And on...
130
00:13:57,587 --> 00:13:59,214
and on...
131
00:13:59,423 --> 00:14:00,674
and on.
132
00:14:18,984 --> 00:14:20,152
Ready?
133
00:14:48,513 --> 00:14:51,933
When I remember it,
I remember hearing...
134
00:14:59,274 --> 00:15:01,485
14% of the population
135
00:15:01,693 --> 00:15:03,862
lives below the poverty line
in Greensburg.
136
00:15:06,323 --> 00:15:11,203
The average annual income
per person is $24,599.
137
00:15:16,166 --> 00:15:18,418
One out of six
have a college degree.
138
00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:27,260
Nine out of ten
have at least one child.
139
00:15:31,765 --> 00:15:35,227
About 90 people die
of drug overdoses every year.
140
00:15:39,022 --> 00:15:40,190
When I remember it...
141
00:15:43,819 --> 00:15:45,612
I remember knowing...
142
00:15:51,576 --> 00:15:54,413
I will never do any better.
143
00:16:04,214 --> 00:16:07,050
Dr. Woods will see you in
a minute. First, I just need your...
144
00:16:07,259 --> 00:16:08,802
I thought...
145
00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:10,971
Never mind, sorry.
146
00:16:11,179 --> 00:16:13,140
Do you wanna use
your mom's insurance?
147
00:16:13,348 --> 00:16:15,934
If that's okay.
148
00:16:16,143 --> 00:16:18,186
Do you have her policy number?
149
00:16:18,395 --> 00:16:20,272
Her policy number?
150
00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:25,569
Do you know who her provider is?
151
00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:28,738
I guess...
152
00:16:28,947 --> 00:16:31,324
no, not really.
153
00:16:31,533 --> 00:16:34,327
Do you have any
information about her insurance at all?
154
00:16:37,038 --> 00:16:38,874
Uh...
155
00:16:39,082 --> 00:16:41,710
My mom and I don't
really talk anymore.
156
00:16:43,795 --> 00:16:47,466
Lissa, I'm sorry about your dad.
157
00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:51,803
Not your fault.
158
00:16:53,847 --> 00:16:55,849
I'm sure I can find
your mom's insurance here.
159
00:17:18,079 --> 00:17:20,207
Looks like you've put on
a little bit of weight
160
00:17:20,415 --> 00:17:22,000
since last time you were in.
161
00:17:56,451 --> 00:17:58,370
Your heart rate's a little fast.
162
00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:00,622
Have you been doing
anything you shouldn't?
163
00:18:00,830 --> 00:18:04,292
No. I don't do anything.
164
00:18:04,501 --> 00:18:06,294
II'
165
00:18:43,164 --> 00:18:45,500
Your blood pressure's
136 over 94.
166
00:18:45,709 --> 00:18:47,419
Is that normal?
167
00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:49,546
Normal's 120 over 80.
168
00:19:47,896 --> 00:19:49,814
Get up! Do something!
169
00:19:57,405 --> 00:19:58,782
Don't...
170
00:20:15,090 --> 00:20:16,675
I can't believe
it's been a year.
171
00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:19,260
I just finished this philosophy
class. Fucking awesome.
172
00:20:19,469 --> 00:20:21,509
It was about Wittgenstein.
He said this great thing,
173
00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:24,516
he said, "Death is not an event of life,
death is not lived through."
174
00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,434
What do you think about that?
175
00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:32,857
I don't. Don't other people
live through it?
176
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:36,528
Do you wanna sit down?
177
00:20:42,659 --> 00:20:45,578
I, um...
I have a surprise for you.
178
00:20:45,787 --> 00:20:49,958
- Yeah?
- I'm gonna take you to a bad place for good drugs.
179
00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:53,378
Happy birthday.
180
00:21:09,519 --> 00:21:12,230
My professor
said I wrote the perfect essay.
181
00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:16,317
Those were his words.
182
00:21:16,526 --> 00:21:18,194
"Perfect."
183
00:21:20,488 --> 00:21:23,158
I focused on Wittgenstein's
propositions.
184
00:21:24,534 --> 00:21:26,119
We should read them.
185
00:21:30,832 --> 00:21:32,250
I focused on...
186
00:21:32,459 --> 00:21:34,711
II'
187
00:21:40,717 --> 00:21:43,261
"If by eternity is understood"
188
00:21:43,470 --> 00:21:45,722
"not endless temporal duration
but timelessness..."
189
00:22:11,623 --> 00:22:15,001
"Then he lives eternally
who lives in the present."
190
00:22:18,838 --> 00:22:20,298
And that's true...
191
00:22:22,091 --> 00:22:24,969
It's about being present now.
192
00:22:25,178 --> 00:22:26,471
Right now.
193
00:22:49,619 --> 00:22:53,498
There's so much
to see... to do...
194
00:22:55,834 --> 00:22:57,252
to become...
195
00:23:01,214 --> 00:23:03,341
I can't be trapped by home...
196
00:23:14,143 --> 00:23:15,645
in Greensburg.
197
00:23:18,565 --> 00:23:19,858
Family.
198
00:23:23,278 --> 00:23:24,529
Belief.
199
00:23:28,867 --> 00:23:30,827
I ended with what he wrote.
200
00:23:31,035 --> 00:23:35,707
"Our life is endless in the way
our visual field is without limit."
201
00:24:02,358 --> 00:24:03,610
I'm tired.
202
00:24:03,818 --> 00:24:05,862
I feel like I've been
talking all night.
203
00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:08,448
It's okay.
204
00:24:36,476 --> 00:24:38,603
Thank you for seeing me.
205
00:24:53,201 --> 00:24:55,328
So, why did you come in?
206
00:24:57,705 --> 00:25:01,376
Relax. Take it easy.
Tell me what's wrong.
207
00:25:04,128 --> 00:25:05,296
I'm sorry, \...
208
00:25:08,383 --> 00:25:11,636
Okay, how about this? Can you at
least tell me your chief symptom?
209
00:25:11,844 --> 00:25:15,223
- It's not...
- Lissa, whatever you say to me is confidential.
210
00:25:15,431 --> 00:25:17,071
- I understand.
- No, I'm not your mother.
211
00:25:17,266 --> 00:25:18,393
No, no.
212
00:25:24,065 --> 00:25:25,608
Do you have any kids, Dr. Woods?
213
00:25:25,817 --> 00:25:26,859
Do I?
214
00:25:27,068 --> 00:25:29,487
Yes, my wife and I have
a daughter.
215
00:25:29,696 --> 00:25:31,322
- What's her name?
- Kim.
216
00:25:31,531 --> 00:25:36,285
- How old is she?
- She just turned two.
217
00:25:36,494 --> 00:25:38,538
And what do you want for her?
218
00:25:38,746 --> 00:25:40,289
What do you mean?
219
00:25:40,498 --> 00:25:42,667
Like when she grows up,
what do you want her to be?
220
00:25:42,875 --> 00:25:44,210
I hold her sometimes.
221
00:25:44,419 --> 00:25:47,880
When I look at her legs,
I wonder where she'll go,
222
00:25:48,089 --> 00:25:49,465
where her legs will take her.
223
00:25:52,010 --> 00:25:54,762
Away from here?
224
00:25:54,971 --> 00:25:56,931
Whatever's best for her.
225
00:25:59,058 --> 00:26:03,229
I came to see you because
20 days ago was my birthday.
226
00:26:03,438 --> 00:26:05,940
- And you just turned 20, right?
- Yep.
227
00:26:06,149 --> 00:26:08,359
Only my 20th birthday.
228
00:26:32,467 --> 00:26:35,303
II'
229
00:26:35,511 --> 00:26:37,638
I can't believe I'm 20.
230
00:26:44,062 --> 00:26:46,814
This is the only
birthday present I wanted.
231
00:27:01,579 --> 00:27:05,833
When I remember it,
I remember feeling...
232
00:27:08,544 --> 00:27:10,338
everything at once...
233
00:27:11,589 --> 00:27:14,842
everything all together...
234
00:27:15,051 --> 00:27:18,262
everything in place...
235
00:27:18,471 --> 00:27:20,348
everything right now.
236
00:27:36,614 --> 00:27:39,283
II'
237
00:28:20,074 --> 00:28:22,535
And how many partners
have you had?
238
00:28:22,743 --> 00:28:26,455
- Two. Just two.
- Men, women, or both?
239
00:28:26,664 --> 00:28:28,040
Only men.
240
00:28:28,249 --> 00:28:31,002
At what age did you have
your first sexual encounter?
241
00:28:31,210 --> 00:28:35,214
I was 13. Is that...
242
00:28:35,423 --> 00:28:38,217
- Was it vaginal intercourse?
- Regular, vaginal.
243
00:28:38,426 --> 00:28:41,053
- When was the last time you had intercourse?
- Twenty days ago.
244
00:28:41,262 --> 00:28:44,056
- And have you been using any birth control?
- No.
245
00:28:44,265 --> 00:28:45,600
Did you use protection?
246
00:28:45,808 --> 00:28:48,895
Uh... we...
247
00:28:49,103 --> 00:28:51,189
No. No, we didn't.
248
00:28:51,397 --> 00:28:53,482
Are you experiencing
any burning when you urinate?
249
00:28:53,691 --> 00:28:55,276
- No.
- Any urethral discharge?
250
00:28:55,484 --> 00:28:59,238
- No.
- When was your last menstrual period?
251
00:28:59,447 --> 00:29:02,158
That's kind of
the reason I'm here.
252
00:31:19,045 --> 00:31:21,714
You are now listening
to the sound of Daniel's voice.
253
00:31:21,922 --> 00:31:24,884
When you hear a beep,
you will leave the sound of your own voice.
254
00:35:08,232 --> 00:35:10,985
At this point, a blood test
is the only way to be certain.
255
00:35:11,193 --> 00:35:14,321
I don't like blood,
and I'm afraid of needles. Is there any...
256
00:35:14,530 --> 00:35:17,074
- This isn't typical.
- It isn't?
257
00:35:17,283 --> 00:35:18,867
No, not really, no.
258
00:35:19,076 --> 00:35:22,162
I don't know, I didn't know
what to do or where to go.
259
00:35:22,371 --> 00:35:25,457
- Just go see the nurse.
- Do I need to come back another day?
260
00:35:25,666 --> 00:35:29,128
She'll take care of it. She's
excellent at drawing blood.
261
00:35:29,336 --> 00:35:31,547
It'll be fine. Promise.
262
00:35:39,346 --> 00:35:42,891
When I remember it,
I remember fearing...
263
00:35:45,144 --> 00:35:47,479
inside my body is a body...
264
00:35:52,985 --> 00:35:54,778
Morning sickness,
265
00:35:54,987 --> 00:35:56,238
backaches, stretch marks,
266
00:35:56,447 --> 00:35:59,742
hemorrhoids,
varicose veins, fatigue,
267
00:35:59,950 --> 00:36:02,077
indigestion, heartburn,
268
00:36:02,286 --> 00:36:05,414
breast tenderness, nausea,
nine months until a birthday.
269
00:36:05,623 --> 00:36:08,042
Shortness of breath, rashes,
mood swings, dry skin,
270
00:36:08,250 --> 00:36:11,420
constipation, engorged genitals,
vaginal discharge, faintness,
271
00:36:11,629 --> 00:36:13,339
bloating disease, leg cramps.
272
00:36:15,466 --> 00:36:18,844
The most difficult part
of giving birth was...
273
00:36:19,053 --> 00:36:21,096
The clock on the wall
was the worst enemy.
274
00:36:21,305 --> 00:36:24,683
You remember everything about
that day to the second.
275
00:36:24,892 --> 00:36:26,393
Every minute was like an hour.
276
00:36:26,602 --> 00:36:29,813
The moment that the
contractions first start...
277
00:36:30,022 --> 00:36:34,485
- It was painful.
- Pain is so horrific that it doesn't seem natural.
278
00:36:34,693 --> 00:36:36,528
I just wanted to rip
my hair out.
279
00:36:36,737 --> 00:36:38,238
I just remember screaming.
280
00:36:38,447 --> 00:36:42,117
That needle was so long.
281
00:36:42,326 --> 00:36:44,244
And the contractions
just kept getting stronger.
282
00:36:44,453 --> 00:36:46,372
All the blood vessels
in my face broke.
283
00:36:46,580 --> 00:36:49,333
Felt like my face
was turning inside out.
284
00:36:49,541 --> 00:36:52,062
All of the sudden, they're telling
you they have to cut you open.
285
00:36:52,086 --> 00:36:54,338
And there was just
blood everywhere.
286
00:36:54,546 --> 00:36:59,051
And you realize like you're
going to have this baby
287
00:36:59,259 --> 00:37:01,303
and be responsible.
288
00:38:04,199 --> 00:38:06,952
Listen, I have really bad veins.
289
00:38:07,161 --> 00:38:09,288
I got them from my dad.
290
00:38:09,496 --> 00:38:12,124
Could you please come here?
291
00:38:12,332 --> 00:38:14,918
There's an issue that requires
your immediate attention.
292
00:38:22,468 --> 00:38:23,594
When I remember it...
293
00:38:28,307 --> 00:38:30,058
I remember wanting...
294
00:38:32,519 --> 00:38:34,062
more time with him.
295
00:38:47,201 --> 00:38:48,494
More hours.
296
00:38:52,372 --> 00:38:53,415
More minutes.
297
00:38:55,042 --> 00:38:57,211
More words.
298
00:38:57,419 --> 00:38:59,463
Even more silence.
299
00:39:29,743 --> 00:39:31,495
Dad, can you pass the bread?
300
00:39:45,175 --> 00:39:46,468
Robert?
301
00:39:48,804 --> 00:39:49,972
Please.
302
00:40:00,816 --> 00:40:03,277
- Here you go, honey.
- Thanks, Mom.
303
00:40:28,051 --> 00:40:29,386
Robert?
304
00:40:39,688 --> 00:40:42,232
Robert, did you take the car in?
305
00:40:43,901 --> 00:40:45,444
Robert?
306
00:40:45,652 --> 00:40:47,237
What are you doing?
307
00:40:49,948 --> 00:40:51,199
Robert?
308
00:40:52,576 --> 00:40:53,744
Look at me.
309
00:40:55,579 --> 00:40:56,705
Robert.
310
00:40:56,914 --> 00:41:00,000
Did you take the car...?
311
00:41:24,232 --> 00:41:25,817
Sorry.
312
00:41:29,947 --> 00:41:31,907
- Shouldn't have done that.
- But I...
313
00:41:32,115 --> 00:41:34,117
Listen, I've been doing this
for a long time.
314
00:42:13,740 --> 00:42:16,493
Now, make a fist.
315
00:42:26,169 --> 00:42:27,295
Faster.
316
00:42:27,504 --> 00:42:29,798
Faster.
317
00:42:32,551 --> 00:42:36,013
Come on. Almost there.
318
00:42:38,598 --> 00:42:40,058
Don't stop now, Lissa.
319
00:43:56,009 --> 00:43:58,345
Couldn't find the vein.
320
00:43:58,553 --> 00:44:00,806
Gotta try again.
321
00:44:11,233 --> 00:44:14,569
He started working in
the mine on his 18th birthday.
322
00:44:16,988 --> 00:44:19,157
He was a beltman.
323
00:44:19,366 --> 00:44:22,536
He said it paid well,
that it wasn't too dangerous.
324
00:44:24,246 --> 00:44:25,914
He did it for 26 years.
325
00:44:27,958 --> 00:44:29,835
He took pride in his work.
326
00:44:36,591 --> 00:44:39,594
Can't see the vein,
but I can feel it.
327
00:44:47,227 --> 00:44:50,564
His grandfather was
a coal miner before his father.
328
00:44:52,774 --> 00:44:55,485
His father before his brother.
329
00:44:55,694 --> 00:44:57,279
His brother before him.
330
00:44:58,780 --> 00:45:00,282
His brother with him.
331
00:45:09,541 --> 00:45:12,002
The Steelers are on
at 1:00 Sunday.
332
00:45:12,210 --> 00:45:13,461
Kids coming over?
333
00:45:16,256 --> 00:45:18,383
It's been a while
since you've been over.
334
00:45:24,306 --> 00:45:25,515
Robert.
335
00:45:36,026 --> 00:45:38,236
Hey, Gus, could you
give us a second, please?
336
00:45:38,445 --> 00:45:39,738
Thank you.
337
00:45:42,824 --> 00:45:45,202
Look, no shit.
338
00:45:45,410 --> 00:45:47,495
These last couple weeks,
you're fucked up.
339
00:45:47,704 --> 00:45:50,457
Yeah. No, I'm good.
340
00:45:50,665 --> 00:45:52,751
Look, you're my kid brother.
341
00:45:52,959 --> 00:45:56,254
If you need anything,
if there's anything I can do for you...
342
00:45:56,463 --> 00:45:58,215
You know, whatever.
343
00:45:58,423 --> 00:45:59,466
I'm here for you.
344
00:45:59,674 --> 00:46:00,884
I know.
345
00:46:11,186 --> 00:46:12,479
Got it.
346
00:46:23,198 --> 00:46:26,159
That's it.
347
00:46:26,368 --> 00:46:29,162
- That's it?
- Now you just have to wait for your results.
348
00:47:42,152 --> 00:47:44,571
It isn't much
of a dinner, but...
349
00:47:49,617 --> 00:47:51,036
You're what?
350
00:47:54,706 --> 00:47:56,875
What grade are you in?
351
00:47:57,083 --> 00:47:59,252
Eleventh. Duh.
352
00:48:01,046 --> 00:48:02,213
Ha.
353
00:48:05,592 --> 00:48:08,428
Your mom expects you
to go to college.
354
00:48:08,636 --> 00:48:10,013
So do I.
355
00:48:10,221 --> 00:48:11,348
I know.
356
00:48:13,516 --> 00:48:15,685
Nobody pushed me
into doing anything.
357
00:48:17,270 --> 00:48:19,230
Except work in the mines.
358
00:48:21,024 --> 00:48:23,485
- Was that with Uncle Keith?
- Yeah, but he's...
359
00:48:27,238 --> 00:48:28,573
You Okay?
360
00:48:34,454 --> 00:48:36,164
I'm so proud of you.
361
00:48:38,333 --> 00:48:40,794
You sure you're okay?
362
00:48:43,129 --> 00:48:45,382
You're the best part of me.
363
00:48:49,052 --> 00:48:53,807
I want you to have
everything that I didn't have.
364
00:48:57,185 --> 00:49:00,980
You know, your mother can be...
365
00:49:02,565 --> 00:49:04,067
But she loves you.
366
00:49:06,694 --> 00:49:08,738
She's so...
367
00:49:08,947 --> 00:49:11,866
Just remember that.
368
00:49:14,702 --> 00:49:16,913
Seriously, is everything okay?
369
00:49:17,122 --> 00:49:18,748
Everything's fine.
370
00:49:20,375 --> 00:49:22,001
Sure?
371
00:49:28,174 --> 00:49:30,301
Everything's gonna be fine.
372
00:49:33,221 --> 00:49:35,014
Everything...
373
00:49:35,223 --> 00:49:37,225
is gonna be fine.
374
00:50:17,348 --> 00:50:20,810
On that day,
he woke up at 7 a.m.
375
00:50:24,063 --> 00:50:26,566
Or he woke up at 7:30 a.m.
376
00:50:26,774 --> 00:50:28,902
No one knows for certain.
377
00:50:30,236 --> 00:50:32,655
He had slept for three hours.
378
00:50:32,864 --> 00:50:35,116
Or for three and a half hours.
379
00:50:35,325 --> 00:50:38,578
His morning was the same
as it had been for 26 years.
380
00:51:00,767 --> 00:51:03,811
He always drank
two cups of coffee,
381
00:51:04,020 --> 00:51:08,650
but the autopsy report said that
there was alcohol in his system.
382
00:51:08,858 --> 00:51:10,860
I prefer to think there wasn't.
383
00:51:31,339 --> 00:51:34,634
At about 8:15 a.m.,
he bought a pack of cigarettes.
384
00:51:36,636 --> 00:51:40,431
- The last words he ever heard were...
- Have a good one.
385
00:51:40,640 --> 00:51:43,351
- Or he heard...
- See you tomorrow.
386
00:51:43,560 --> 00:51:46,813
- Or he heard...
- Need any matches?
387
00:51:47,021 --> 00:51:49,732
Or he heard nothing.
388
00:51:52,068 --> 00:51:53,611
He drove south
on Church Street...
389
00:51:56,155 --> 00:51:58,533
turned right on route 31...
390
00:52:00,159 --> 00:52:03,705
took the ramp to route 70
heading east...
391
00:52:05,665 --> 00:52:07,917
continued on 119 north...
392
00:52:11,379 --> 00:52:14,257
took a right...
393
00:52:14,465 --> 00:52:16,217
then another right.
394
00:52:20,471 --> 00:52:23,141
As he drove,
he smoked five cigarettes.
395
00:52:35,695 --> 00:52:39,157
He arrived at his destination
some time late in the morning.
396
00:52:44,329 --> 00:52:47,457
Was he crying?
397
00:52:47,665 --> 00:52:51,628
Did he think of his wife,
his daughter?
398
00:52:53,630 --> 00:52:55,882
Did he ask for forgiveness?
399
00:52:58,051 --> 00:52:59,969
Was his last feeling relief?
400
00:53:41,636 --> 00:53:43,971
Took over six hours
for his body to be found.
401
00:54:03,908 --> 00:54:05,827
II'
402
00:54:20,341 --> 00:54:22,301
When I remember it...
403
00:54:24,762 --> 00:54:26,597
I remember wishing...
404
00:54:28,599 --> 00:54:29,851
I could start over.
405
00:54:32,395 --> 00:54:34,313
I could go back
to the first day of school.
406
00:54:36,399 --> 00:54:38,276
I could try harder.
407
00:54:40,319 --> 00:54:41,904
I could get better grades.
408
00:54:44,115 --> 00:54:46,200
I could take back
that first kiss.
409
00:54:48,286 --> 00:54:50,872
I could erase
the mistakes I've made.
410
00:54:53,458 --> 00:54:55,585
I could say goodbye to him.
411
00:54:57,587 --> 00:55:01,048
I could tell him
not to make that drive.
412
00:55:01,257 --> 00:55:04,135
I could explain
what he left us with.
413
00:55:06,137 --> 00:55:08,306
I could listen to my mom more.
414
00:55:10,308 --> 00:55:11,893
I could be more patient.
415
00:55:13,478 --> 00:55:14,645
More understanding.
416
00:55:16,314 --> 00:55:17,523
More empathetic.
417
00:55:21,444 --> 00:55:23,905
I could do all of those things.
418
00:55:26,115 --> 00:55:27,450
I could start over.
419
00:55:46,385 --> 00:55:48,304
II'
420
00:55:57,063 --> 00:55:58,439
I'm Joan Maruska.
421
00:55:58,648 --> 00:56:00,483
Thank you so much
for coming out.
422
00:56:00,691 --> 00:56:03,569
I'm going to talk to you about the
importance of unions in our lives,
423
00:56:03,778 --> 00:56:05,321
in our country's life.
424
00:56:05,530 --> 00:56:08,950
Unions are important because
they are the only organized
425
00:56:09,158 --> 00:56:12,328
collective voice
for workers in America.
426
00:57:07,508 --> 00:57:08,885
Mom'?
427
00:57:09,093 --> 00:57:13,514
I know it's been a long time,
but something's happened.
428
00:57:18,269 --> 00:57:20,438
Why don't you come in
and we'll talk about it?
429
00:57:39,373 --> 00:57:41,417
It's Daniel's, isn't it?
430
00:57:43,210 --> 00:57:44,962
I'm not sure it's anything yet.
431
00:57:45,171 --> 00:57:47,632
But yeah.
432
00:57:47,840 --> 00:57:52,094
You know, you're gonna have
to start taking care of yourself.
433
00:57:52,303 --> 00:57:55,598
You're gonna have
to eat better and you're...
434
00:57:55,806 --> 00:58:00,519
- Stop, I get it.
- You are going to have to be responsible
435
00:58:00,728 --> 00:58:02,188
for someone else.
436
00:58:02,396 --> 00:58:05,066
- I need...
- You need to grow up.
437
00:58:05,274 --> 00:58:08,444
- I can't fucking...
- Stop that language and don't you raise...
438
00:58:08,653 --> 00:58:10,529
- You're judging me.
- Don't you raise your...
439
00:58:10,738 --> 00:58:12,031
I came here for help,
440
00:58:12,239 --> 00:58:14,992
and all you can do is stare
at your fucking wine glass.
441
00:58:28,714 --> 00:58:30,716
All you can think
about is yourself.
442
00:58:30,925 --> 00:58:32,510
What does that even mean?
443
00:58:32,718 --> 00:58:34,387
Look, I feel bad.
444
00:58:34,595 --> 00:58:37,807
The situation is bad,
it's really bad.
445
00:58:38,015 --> 00:58:39,517
I'm glad to hear
that you feel bad,
446
00:58:39,725 --> 00:58:41,227
because if you didn't
feel bad...
447
00:58:43,062 --> 00:58:45,982
I would be worried that you
wouldn't feel anything at all.
448
00:58:47,942 --> 00:58:49,777
Wonder where I get that from.
449
00:58:51,320 --> 00:58:54,073
I can't live up to
your bullshit expectations.
450
00:58:54,281 --> 00:58:58,703
I try, I try every day.
That's all I do.
451
00:58:58,911 --> 00:59:01,163
You're a constant
disappointment to me.
452
00:59:01,372 --> 00:59:05,710
Every day I think of you,
and you know what I think?
453
00:59:05,918 --> 00:59:09,380
You think I'm okay with this,
to be stuck here?
454
00:59:09,588 --> 00:59:11,424
What makes you think
I'm okay with my life?
455
00:59:11,632 --> 00:59:13,592
I think, what a waste.
456
00:59:15,344 --> 00:59:18,014
I don't expect you
to go to Harvard,
457
00:59:18,222 --> 00:59:20,224
to win a Rhodes Scholarship.
458
00:59:20,433 --> 00:59:22,810
- I don't expect much out of you.
- I hate it.
459
00:59:23,019 --> 00:59:25,813
I hate Dad for what he did,
I hate you for how you are.
460
00:59:26,022 --> 00:59:28,441
I expect you to do something.
461
00:59:28,649 --> 00:59:30,234
You've squandered
every opportunity,
462
00:59:30,443 --> 00:59:31,986
everything your father
wanted for you.
463
00:59:32,194 --> 00:59:35,156
- I hate everything.
- Look at you, just look at you.
464
00:59:35,364 --> 00:59:38,951
- I hate my stupid life.
- That's your answer for everything.
465
00:59:39,160 --> 00:59:41,996
Oh, I hate this.
Oh, everything sucks.
466
00:59:42,204 --> 00:59:43,456
Yeah, Mom, keep mocking.
467
00:59:43,664 --> 00:59:45,791
"I'm just a poor little
victim baby with nothing,
468
00:59:46,000 --> 00:59:48,044
- "and everybody sucks but me."
- Keep it coming.
469
00:59:48,252 --> 00:59:49,812
- What else? What else?
- You know what?
470
00:59:50,004 --> 00:59:52,715
I'm sick of trying with you.
I am sick.
471
00:59:52,923 --> 00:59:54,425
Yeah, you're right.
472
00:59:54,633 --> 00:59:56,319
That's the first right thing
you've ever said, you're sick.
473
00:59:56,343 --> 00:59:58,179
And you sicken me.
474
00:59:58,387 --> 01:00:01,640
At least I do something
with myself.
475
01:00:03,768 --> 01:00:06,145
- Talk talk, that's all it is.
- You are 20 years old.
476
01:00:06,353 --> 01:00:09,065
- And what do you do?
- When I really need you, you're not present!
477
01:00:09,273 --> 01:00:11,692
- I came to you, I need your help.
- I don't even know you!
478
01:00:11,901 --> 01:00:15,488
- I need you.
- And the shit you do! The shit you do!
479
01:00:17,448 --> 01:00:21,368
I didn't kill him.
It's not my fault.
480
01:00:21,577 --> 01:00:24,371
You say you try.
I don't see you trying.
481
01:00:24,580 --> 01:00:27,541
You say you try? I try.
482
01:00:27,750 --> 01:00:29,794
And I tried.
483
01:00:31,337 --> 01:00:33,047
And I still try.
484
01:00:35,966 --> 01:00:37,259
You just wallow in it.
485
01:00:41,263 --> 01:00:43,516
I loved him and...
486
01:00:46,685 --> 01:00:48,270
As if I didn't.
487
01:00:49,522 --> 01:00:51,565
That is not what I meant.
488
01:01:00,574 --> 01:01:04,495
And you know what?
You did kill him.
489
01:01:04,703 --> 01:01:08,541
The same way, when I was, what, 8,
you told me my lower lip was too big.
490
01:01:08,749 --> 01:01:10,029
My eyes were too close together.
491
01:01:10,167 --> 01:01:11,669
I didn't do that.
492
01:01:11,877 --> 01:01:15,339
You did. You did the same thing
to him, slowly, over time.
493
01:01:15,548 --> 01:01:17,748
Like when you belittled me
when I was learning to count.
494
01:01:17,800 --> 01:01:20,386
I'd always mess up
four and five.
495
01:01:22,179 --> 01:01:24,348
I'm sorry that happened.
496
01:01:24,557 --> 01:01:29,145
It didn't just happen.
It wasn't an accident.
497
01:01:29,353 --> 01:01:31,897
You did it.
498
01:01:32,106 --> 01:01:34,150
Again and again.
499
01:01:43,159 --> 01:01:44,994
I'm sorry.
500
01:01:47,621 --> 01:01:49,790
I'm sorry I did that to you.
501
01:01:53,085 --> 01:01:55,212
You fucking should be.
502
01:02:11,687 --> 01:02:13,731
Happy birthday, by the way.
503
01:02:18,235 --> 01:02:20,196
I thought you forgot.
504
01:02:36,837 --> 01:02:39,840
Okay. Okay, Lissa.
505
01:02:41,008 --> 01:02:43,177
What do you want to talk about?
506
01:05:18,123 --> 01:05:20,084
Did you know...
507
01:05:22,628 --> 01:05:24,421
Did you think...
508
01:05:24,630 --> 01:05:27,466
Did you know he would
ever do anything like that?
509
01:05:30,803 --> 01:05:32,679
No, no.
510
01:05:32,888 --> 01:05:35,849
I was working so much, you know.
511
01:05:36,058 --> 01:05:37,976
Seventy hours a week,
I wasn't around.
512
01:05:38,185 --> 01:05:43,399
I mean, I think if I had been,
maybe I, maybe I could have...
513
01:05:43,607 --> 01:05:46,360
Yeah, I think the same things.
514
01:05:46,568 --> 01:05:49,113
I want you to know
something about your father.
515
01:05:49,321 --> 01:05:52,324
He was never happy.
516
01:05:52,533 --> 01:05:55,536
Even when we were young
and I first met him
517
01:05:55,744 --> 01:05:57,246
at the union rally,
he wasn't happy.
518
01:05:57,454 --> 01:05:59,706
He never thought
anything he did was good.
519
01:05:59,915 --> 01:06:03,252
He never thought anything he did
was worthwhile, except for one thing.
520
01:06:03,460 --> 01:06:06,171
He loved you.
521
01:06:06,380 --> 01:06:09,007
More than anything in the world.
522
01:06:09,216 --> 01:06:11,969
And he was proud of you.
523
01:06:14,263 --> 01:06:17,015
I remember the day
you were born.
524
01:06:17,224 --> 01:06:20,853
You were... you were so little.
525
01:06:21,061 --> 01:06:25,566
You fit into his,
his arm, just...
526
01:06:27,359 --> 01:06:29,736
your whole length of your body,
and he held you
527
01:06:29,945 --> 01:06:33,449
and he pulled you to his heart,
and I want you to know...
528
01:06:35,033 --> 01:06:37,619
it was your father
that wanted to have you.
529
01:06:39,204 --> 01:06:42,458
I wasn't sure that I
would be a good mother.
530
01:06:42,666 --> 01:06:45,836
And I know I'm not
a lot of the time.
531
01:06:46,044 --> 01:06:49,006
- I know I mess up.
- Yeah, so do I.
532
01:06:49,214 --> 01:06:52,593
But to answer your question,
533
01:06:52,801 --> 01:06:56,305
yes, I knew he was
getting worse.
534
01:06:56,513 --> 01:06:58,557
He was drinking all the time.
535
01:06:58,765 --> 01:07:00,660
Just like his father,
you must have noticed that.
536
01:07:00,684 --> 01:07:02,853
I don't know, I think so.
537
01:07:03,061 --> 01:07:05,606
I knew that something
was very wrong with him.
538
01:07:08,233 --> 01:07:10,777
And I wanted him to get help.
539
01:07:10,986 --> 01:07:13,071
Did you like force him?
540
01:07:15,908 --> 01:07:18,368
It was more complicated
than that.
541
01:07:18,577 --> 01:07:21,663
Nobody forced anybody.
542
01:07:21,872 --> 01:07:24,833
Okay, well, explain it to me.
543
01:07:44,895 --> 01:07:46,772
Why do you always do that?
544
01:07:50,943 --> 01:07:53,320
Why can't you just tell me?
545
01:08:04,206 --> 01:08:06,166
This is...
546
01:08:06,375 --> 01:08:08,961
uh, very...
547
01:08:09,169 --> 01:08:11,922
hard for me to talk about.
548
01:08:12,130 --> 01:08:13,465
That's not fair.
549
01:08:13,674 --> 01:08:15,551
I don't care
if it's fair or not.
550
01:08:15,759 --> 01:08:17,135
- He was my dad.
- Hmm.
551
01:08:17,344 --> 01:08:20,722
Yeah, great.
That's a stunning observation.
552
01:08:20,931 --> 01:08:24,643
Fuck you. I fucking hate you.
553
01:08:24,851 --> 01:08:27,062
That's better,
but still not original.
554
01:08:27,271 --> 01:08:29,471
- What the fuck is wrong with you?
- I think it's better
555
01:08:29,648 --> 01:08:31,483
for you just to stay
in your fantasy world.
556
01:08:31,692 --> 01:08:36,530
You're the worst fucking thing
that has ever happened to me.
557
01:08:38,824 --> 01:08:43,662
I can't believe
you won't tell...
558
01:08:43,870 --> 01:08:45,497
I can't believe...
559
01:08:45,706 --> 01:08:48,667
I can't believe
you won't tell me.
560
01:08:50,544 --> 01:08:51,920
I can't bel...
561
01:08:52,129 --> 01:08:54,214
I can't believe...
562
01:08:54,423 --> 01:08:56,842
I can't believe
you won't tell me.
563
01:08:57,050 --> 01:09:00,137
I can't fucking believe
you won't tell me!
564
01:09:18,447 --> 01:09:20,407
Just tell me!
565
01:09:22,993 --> 01:09:24,536
Okay.
566
01:09:51,313 --> 01:09:53,357
It was Wednesday.
567
01:09:53,565 --> 01:09:55,067
The day before.
568
01:09:55,275 --> 01:09:57,861
- The day before he died?
- Yeah.
569
01:09:58,070 --> 01:09:59,863
The day with the door.
570
01:10:02,032 --> 01:10:03,283
The door.
571
01:10:03,492 --> 01:10:04,743
Yeah.
572
01:10:11,291 --> 01:10:14,628
But what I didn't tell you
is that I was there.
573
01:10:20,342 --> 01:10:23,428
- You'd always said...
- I know.
574
01:10:23,637 --> 01:10:27,265
But I didn't want you
to think of him that way.
575
01:10:27,474 --> 01:10:30,060
It's hard to even
imagine him like that.
576
01:10:31,687 --> 01:10:34,356
I wish I could
have hid that from you.
577
01:10:34,564 --> 01:10:36,983
It was there when I got home.
578
01:10:37,192 --> 01:10:39,945
Everything I did was
to protect you from him.
579
01:10:40,153 --> 01:10:42,322
And from that,
and from knowing that.
580
01:11:03,969 --> 01:11:05,804
I was just...
581
01:11:06,012 --> 01:11:08,390
- Reacting?
- Something like that.
582
01:11:28,243 --> 01:11:32,581
I don't even know what I...
what I... what I did.
583
01:11:44,050 --> 01:11:45,177
310D -
584
01:11:45,385 --> 01:11:46,428
He came towards me...
585
01:11:47,512 --> 01:11:49,222
- Mom.
- Please.
586
01:11:53,393 --> 01:11:54,686
Don't.
587
01:11:54,895 --> 01:11:57,439
Stop!
588
01:11:57,647 --> 01:11:59,232
Robert! Stop! Stop!
589
01:11:59,441 --> 01:12:02,652
You don't have to do whatever
you're thinking of doing!
590
01:12:14,080 --> 01:12:16,750
And he said, "First you..."
591
01:12:16,958 --> 01:12:19,836
- No.
- "...then Lissa, then me."
592
01:12:20,045 --> 01:12:23,048
No. He would never say that.
593
01:12:33,225 --> 01:12:34,810
There are things
I'm not gonna tell you.
594
01:12:36,561 --> 01:12:38,441
There are parts of this
you're never gonna know.
595
01:12:41,983 --> 01:12:43,068
Robert.
596
01:12:57,916 --> 01:12:59,668
I told him I was leaving him.
597
01:13:00,961 --> 01:13:02,963
And that I was
taking you with me.
598
01:13:03,171 --> 01:13:05,924
And that we couldn't
live like this.
599
01:13:06,132 --> 01:13:07,259
And he...
600
01:13:39,249 --> 01:13:41,835
Don't...
601
01:13:42,043 --> 01:13:43,545
Don't tell her.
602
01:13:53,138 --> 01:13:56,683
And I went looking for you,
and I looked all over.
603
01:13:56,892 --> 01:13:59,060
I went to school,
and you weren't there.
604
01:13:59,269 --> 01:14:01,646
I went over to Daniel's parents' house,
you weren't there.
605
01:14:01,855 --> 01:14:03,648
I went to Aimee's house,
I looked all over,
606
01:14:03,857 --> 01:14:06,651
and then I came home
and you were there.
607
01:14:06,860 --> 01:14:08,445
With him.
608
01:14:08,653 --> 01:14:10,488
He was so calm.
609
01:14:12,616 --> 01:14:14,618
He made me a sandwich.
610
01:14:16,703 --> 01:14:19,956
And he said,
"Everything's gonna be fine."
611
01:14:22,709 --> 01:14:24,169
I know.
612
01:14:24,377 --> 01:14:26,880
What I really thought
is that everything was okay
613
01:14:27,088 --> 01:14:28,506
and that it was over.
614
01:14:28,715 --> 01:14:30,216
And then he left.
615
01:14:32,302 --> 01:14:34,638
And that's the last time...
616
01:14:34,846 --> 01:14:37,265
He did come back.
He came back later that night
617
01:14:37,474 --> 01:14:40,977
and he got into bed with me
and I was too tired to say anything
618
01:14:41,186 --> 01:14:42,562
or to do anything.
619
01:14:42,771 --> 01:14:45,357
And then the next morning,
he was gone.
620
01:14:47,192 --> 01:14:49,611
There's nothing you could
have done, you know that, right?
621
01:14:49,819 --> 01:14:52,864
- Yeah. Yeah, I know.
- Listen to me.
622
01:14:54,866 --> 01:14:58,328
There is nothing
you could have done.
623
01:14:58,536 --> 01:15:00,664
I miss him a lot.
624
01:15:04,709 --> 01:15:08,630
Despite everything that happened,
I miss him all the time.
625
01:15:12,801 --> 01:15:15,136
I never thought
you can love a human being
626
01:15:15,345 --> 01:15:17,472
as much as you love your kids.
627
01:15:17,681 --> 01:15:20,517
And you'll do anything
for them, anything.
628
01:15:28,191 --> 01:15:30,568
The best part of the day is
whenever my kids smile at me
629
01:15:30,777 --> 01:15:32,777
or they give me a hug
and say, "I love you, Mommy."
630
01:15:32,821 --> 01:15:34,948
My kids are my best friends.
They are.
631
01:15:35,156 --> 01:15:38,660
They are my world.
They're funny.
632
01:15:38,868 --> 01:15:41,579
You know,
I just love 'em, I love 'em.
633
01:15:41,788 --> 01:15:44,541
No matter what they do,
634
01:15:44,749 --> 01:15:49,963
that you will, as a mother,
love them unconditionally.
635
01:15:50,171 --> 01:15:54,634
They're the reason that I've
chosen to go on with life,
636
01:15:54,843 --> 01:15:57,053
when I didn't want to.
637
01:15:57,262 --> 01:16:00,890
As long as they can grow up
happy and healthy
638
01:16:01,099 --> 01:16:03,476
and be good people,
639
01:16:03,685 --> 01:16:07,063
that you'll do anything
that you need to do
640
01:16:07,272 --> 01:16:09,065
to make that happen.
641
01:16:16,197 --> 01:16:17,949
I love her.
642
01:16:21,578 --> 01:16:22,871
Everything...
643
01:16:24,080 --> 01:16:26,332
would be okay...
644
01:16:26,541 --> 01:16:28,710
if he just hadn't...
645
01:16:28,918 --> 01:16:31,296
It can still be okay.
646
01:16:33,631 --> 01:16:35,842
Well, we have to find out
whether, um...
647
01:16:36,051 --> 01:16:37,510
Either way.
648
01:16:39,387 --> 01:16:42,015
Everything in the past
has just gone so wrong.
649
01:16:44,392 --> 01:16:47,437
I wish... I wonder...
650
01:16:47,645 --> 01:16:49,647
Listen to me.
651
01:16:49,856 --> 01:16:55,028
You can question
everything in the past.
652
01:16:56,362 --> 01:16:59,449
All the whos,
the what's, the wheres,
653
01:16:59,657 --> 01:17:02,952
but what matters is here now.
654
01:17:05,955 --> 01:17:07,624
I'm here for you.
655
01:17:11,086 --> 01:17:12,712
You're not alone.
656
01:17:24,766 --> 01:17:29,062
When I remember it,
I remember understanding.
657
01:18:06,224 --> 01:18:07,934
When the test results came in...
658
01:18:16,359 --> 01:18:18,236
I knew it wasn't my time.
659
01:18:21,865 --> 01:18:23,533
But one day it will be.
660
01:18:35,420 --> 01:18:37,130
[beeping 510F351.
661
01:18:41,176 --> 01:18:42,886
Then I'll be ready.
662
01:20:24,487 --> 01:20:27,282
Gonna make a wish?
663
01:20:27,490 --> 01:20:28,908
Absolutely.
664
01:20:30,618 --> 01:20:32,704
- What is it?
- I can't tell you.
665
01:20:32,912 --> 01:20:35,915
It won't come true.
666
01:20:36,124 --> 01:20:39,043
Want to know what mine is?
667
01:20:40,920 --> 01:20:42,171
On the count of three.
668
01:20:43,715 --> 01:20:46,092
One...
669
01:20:46,301 --> 01:20:48,469
two...
670
01:20:48,678 --> 01:20:50,138
three.
671
01:20:57,145 --> 01:21:00,064
II'