The Simpsons - Thirty First Season English Subtitles

1
00:00:08,442 --> 00:00:10,011
D'oh!

2
00:00:12,246 --> 00:00:13,881
Fold down that...

3
00:00:13,947 --> 00:00:15,215
and then up that...

4
00:00:15,282 --> 00:00:16,617
and this and over there

5
00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:18,318
and you have a beautiful swan!

6
00:00:18,385 --> 00:00:19,353
What the...?!

7
00:00:26,059 --> 00:00:30,197
This is Anger Watkins, and
you're watching basic cable's

8
00:00:30,264 --> 00:00:32,032
angriest sports show.

9
00:00:32,099 --> 00:00:34,201
Folks, this is difficult to say,

10
00:00:34,268 --> 00:00:36,637
but, today, I'm angry!

1
00:00:07,941 --> 00:00:11,378
Oh, boy, Lenny is gonna be
so surprised.

2
00:00:11,445 --> 00:00:13,347
And I got the perfect card.

3
00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:16,316
Over the hill than under it.
Yeah.

4
00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:21,922
Having chipped in,
you may now sign.

5
00:00:21,989 --> 00:00:23,624
Nice work.

6
00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:26,059
No best wishes,
I like the restraint.

7
00:00:26,126 --> 00:00:29,730
Yeah, I thought about regards,
but Lenny knows how I feel.

8
00:00:32,299 --> 00:00:34,768
Okay, everybody, be quiet.

9
00:00:34,835 --> 00:00:37,905
Lenny's gonna be here

1
00:00:05,405 --> 00:00:07,508
<i>Day-oh!</i>

2
00:00:07,574 --> 00:00:09,743
<i>Day-oh!</i>

3
00:00:11,478 --> 00:00:12,579
D'oh!

4
00:00:12,646 --> 00:00:13,847
D'oh!

5
00:00:20,521 --> 00:00:22,990
Come on, out of my way!

6
00:00:23,056 --> 00:00:25,158
Where was this traffic
when I was driving to church?

7
00:00:25,225 --> 00:00:27,261
Homie, calm down.

8
00:00:27,327 --> 00:00:30,264
We're not going to miss
the San Castellaneta Festival.

9
00:00:30,330 --> 00:00:32,499
I love San Castellaneta.

10
00:00:32,566 --> 00:00:34,935

1
00:00:10,277 --> 00:00:13,780
Come on. One more long one
and we can get this thing done.

2
00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:21,288
Congratulations! It's a boy.

3
00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:22,489
What?

4
00:00:22,556 --> 00:00:24,758
Another boy? Plus Bart?

5
00:00:24,825 --> 00:00:27,761
That's like introducing
Frankenstein to Dracula.

6
00:00:27,828 --> 00:00:29,129
Or Cheney to Bush.

7
00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:30,898
Or Ben Affleck to anybody.

8
00:00:30,964 --> 00:00:33,600
Well, this is unorthodox,
but...

9
00:00:33,667 --> 00:00:36,837
what would you think about
taking a cute baby girl instead?

1
00:00:08,809 --> 00:00:10,711
Make way!

2
00:00:14,081 --> 00:00:16,049
Get ready for fun, kids.

3
00:00:16,116 --> 00:00:18,619
Fun that begins with sunblock.

4
00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,324
Come on, Maggie.

5
00:00:24,391 --> 00:00:27,194
You don't want to grow up
to look like Grampa.

6
00:00:31,064 --> 00:00:34,101
I can't enjoy seeing
animals treated like this.

7
00:00:34,167 --> 00:00:35,903
It must be horrible
spending every day

8
00:00:35,969 --> 00:00:37,571
trapped behind a pane of glass.

9
00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:39,306
It ain't great.

10

1
00:00:04,471 --> 00:00:06,473
What, too soon?

2
00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:40,908
D'oh!

3
00:00:45,512 --> 00:00:46,680
Avast there.

4
00:00:46,747 --> 00:00:48,982
It be too late
to alter course, matey.

5
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:52,019
And there be pirates
lurking in every cove.

6
00:00:52,085 --> 00:00:53,020
Get to the ride.

7
00:00:56,523 --> 00:00:58,625
Did they get a picture?

8
00:01:05,332 --> 00:01:09,102
Welcome to our first-ever night
of dramatic scenes

9
00:01:09,169 --> 00:01:11,071
written by our students.

10

1
00:00:06,406 --> 00:00:08,108
Thanks for hosting.

2
00:00:08,175 --> 00:00:09,877
How was the sleepover?

3
00:00:09,943 --> 00:00:13,046
They each had a 5-Hour Energy
drink and a jar of Nutella

4
00:00:13,113 --> 00:00:16,250
and then watched Russian
dashcam videos all night.

5
00:00:16,316 --> 00:00:18,552
Vodit znachit ubivat!

6
00:00:18,619 --> 00:00:20,053
Listen, Marge.

7
00:00:20,120 --> 00:00:23,090
Every year, Kirk and I rent
a luxury villa in Costa Rica

8
00:00:23,156 --> 00:00:26,727
and invite a few select families
to join us.

9
00:00:26,793 --> 00:00:28,762
Maybe you've heard about it?

1
00:00:02,329 --> 00:00:04,732
Good evening. Well,
Halloween has come and gone,

2
00:00:04,756 --> 00:00:08,227
but, you know, the world
has gotten so darn scary lately,

3
00:00:08,251 --> 00:00:11,988
what with the grim specter
of everything,

4
00:00:12,055 --> 00:00:13,790
that one holiday
just wasn't enough

5
00:00:13,857 --> 00:00:15,625
to contain all the frights
and chills.

6
00:00:15,692 --> 00:00:17,160
So this year...

7
00:00:17,227 --> 00:00:20,697
the terror has spread
into Thanksgiving.

8
00:00:20,764 --> 00:00:23,166
Thanksgiving was always scary.

9
00:00:23,233 --> 00:00:25,702

1
00:00:09,076 --> 00:00:12,179
<i>Okily-dokily, okily-dokily</i>

2
00:00:12,246 --> 00:00:14,181
<i>Come meet Ned Flanders</i>

3
00:00:14,248 --> 00:00:16,583
<i>And his two boys
Rod and Todd</i>

4
00:00:16,650 --> 00:00:19,586
<i>He's friends with God
and has a ripped bod</i>

5
00:00:19,653 --> 00:00:22,089
<i>Diddly</i>

6
00:00:22,155 --> 00:00:24,625
<i>Doodily, diddly</i>

7
00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:27,294
<i>Doodily</i>

8
00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:32,599
<i>Diddly</i>

9
00:00:32,666 --> 00:00:36,503
<i>Doodily</i>

10
00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:39,072

1
00:00:24,958 --> 00:00:26,927
And now to order
my Christmas gifts

2
00:00:26,994 --> 00:00:28,328
with plenty of time.

3
00:00:52,419 --> 00:00:55,489
UPS tracking says
my packages just arrived.

4
00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:57,391
All I have to do is look down.

5
00:01:00,327 --> 00:01:02,129
Who could've done this?
Who?

6
00:01:02,195 --> 00:01:04,131
<i>Ding-dong, merrily on high</i>

7
00:01:04,197 --> 00:01:07,301
<i>In heaven the bells
are ringing</i>

8
00:01:07,367 --> 00:01:09,603
<i>Ding-dong, Bart is gonna die</i>

9
00:01:09,670 --> 00:01:12,773
<i>His little neck,
I'm stringing</i>

1
00:00:04,471 --> 00:00:06,206
I got a few days left!

2
00:00:46,413 --> 00:00:47,848
D'oh!

3
00:01:16,643 --> 00:01:18,011
Hey, little lady.

4
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:20,681
You'd be a lot prettier
if you smiled.

5
00:01:20,747 --> 00:01:22,349
What? Who are you?

6
00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:25,152
I'm a man. So I know
what I'm talking about.

7
00:01:25,218 --> 00:01:27,955
Smile and you'll be
a lot more popular.

8
00:01:28,021 --> 00:01:31,291
Are you serious? You know I'll
remember this forever, right?

9
00:01:31,358 --> 00:01:33,727
Well, that's what therapy's for.

1
00:00:17,150 --> 00:00:19,520
Guten abend, Herr Horatio.

2
00:00:19,586 --> 00:00:21,588
Gib mir die karte.

3
00:00:39,806 --> 00:00:41,074
Springfield, eh?

4
00:00:41,141 --> 00:00:42,976
Then that's where
I'm going treasure hunting.

5
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:46,079
You mean
we're going treasure hunting.

6
00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:51,084
We'll find that sunken ship
within the week.

7
00:00:51,151 --> 00:00:54,121
Grid 274 by 319.

8
00:00:54,187 --> 00:00:56,123
Depth 60 meters. Sounding.

9
00:00:57,491 --> 00:00:58,592
Nothing.

10

1
00:00:21,655 --> 00:00:23,123
I haven't seen you before.

2
00:00:25,192 --> 00:00:27,427
Yeah, we go around...
jumping, jump, jump.

3
00:00:27,494 --> 00:00:29,696
Oh, we bouncy ba...

4
00:00:30,731 --> 00:00:32,933
Release the hounds.

5
00:00:44,344 --> 00:00:48,248
I'm so excited Springfield
finally has a vegan restaurant.

6
00:00:48,315 --> 00:00:50,551
I thought
you'd enjoy this, Lisa.

7
00:00:50,617 --> 00:00:54,054
You deserve to have the food
that only you like.

8
00:00:54,121 --> 00:00:56,023
Your St. Louis-style
Baby Back Fibs,

9
00:00:56,089 --> 00:00:58,892
leg of yam and Wagyu beets.

1
00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:27,294
Now that I, Chinnos,
finally wield the Doomsday App,

2
00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:30,764
I can restart this planet
in flames,

3
00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:32,099
as a utopia.

4
00:00:32,165 --> 00:00:34,334
I don't know, Chinnos.
You say utopia,

5
00:00:34,401 --> 00:00:36,169
but what I'm hearing is
kill everyone.

6
00:00:36,236 --> 00:00:38,972
And I really don't want to find
a new dry cleaner.

7
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:40,941
Your funny-but-not-too-funny
banter

8
00:00:41,008 --> 00:00:43,944
will not save you,
Magnesium Man.

9

1
00:00:05,739 --> 00:00:09,510
Am I the only one who remembered
daylight savings time?

2
00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:27,094
Been here 17 years.

3
00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:29,730
Been on the HBO, the Netflix

4
00:00:29,796 --> 00:00:31,665
and one House Hunters
International.

5
00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:35,502
But now I got two new hotshot
lawyers working my case.

6
00:00:35,569 --> 00:00:39,306
No sign of a struggle,
no DNA evidence in the cabin

7
00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:42,442
and no attractive young woman
declared missing.

8
00:00:42,509 --> 00:00:46,647
I think there's a very real
chance no one was murdered.

9
00:00:51,618 --> 00:00:53,353

1
00:00:41,975 --> 00:00:44,912
And that's why, if you go
to that little town in France,

2
00:00:44,978 --> 00:00:47,781
there's a statue of me
surrendering.

3
00:00:47,848 --> 00:00:49,983
See?

4
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:53,387
Wow, Grampa, your stories
are really cool today.

5
00:00:53,453 --> 00:00:56,657
Yeah, the nursing home finally
stopped using me as the placebo

6
00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:59,726
and gave me real meds.

7
00:01:03,697 --> 00:01:07,067
But what I really wanted to do
today was to give you this,

8
00:01:07,134 --> 00:01:09,736
my most precious possession.

9
00:01:09,803 --> 00:01:12,239
Open it.

1
00:00:07,474 --> 00:00:09,042
Come on, Maggie.

2
00:00:09,109 --> 00:00:12,012
Hi. Sorry we're late.

3
00:00:12,079 --> 00:00:14,715
This is Maggie.
We're here for our first day.

4
00:00:14,781 --> 00:00:18,185
Hello, Maggie.
And who will be picking her up?

5
00:00:18,252 --> 00:00:21,054
After she falls down?

6
00:00:21,121 --> 00:00:23,056
No, at the end of the day.

7
00:00:23,123 --> 00:00:24,925
Wait, I don't stay with her?

8
00:00:24,992 --> 00:00:27,294
Research shows
pre-toddlers learn best

9
00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:29,229
in a parent-free environment.

10

1
00:00:46,347 --> 00:00:48,149
Flanders.

2
00:01:43,871 --> 00:01:46,140
Maybe we should find
a new playground.

3
00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:53,247
Well, this looks nice.

4
00:01:55,316 --> 00:01:56,817
Shady trees,

5
00:01:56,884 --> 00:01:58,552
bathrooms with doors

6
00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:00,187
and that loopy-loop slide

7
00:02:00,254 --> 00:02:03,924
dumps you out
on soft recycled tires.

8
00:02:03,991 --> 00:02:05,926
Oh, Pirellis.

9
00:02:05,993 --> 00:02:08,829
Oh, look!
It's your friend Hudson.

10

1
00:00:02,436 --> 00:00:04,638
They want me back?

2
00:00:43,176 --> 00:00:45,112
No one's here today.

3
00:00:45,178 --> 00:00:46,613
Even the choir's late.

4
00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:49,349
<i>Michael,
take the carpool lane</i>

5
00:00:49,416 --> 00:00:52,819
<i>Hallelujah</i>

6
00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:55,956
<i>They just crossed
the double line</i>

7
00:00:56,023 --> 00:00:59,493
<i>Traffic school them</i>

8
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:01,295
Yeah.

9
00:01:01,361 --> 00:01:02,763
Mom, with all the room,

10
00:01:02,829 --> 00:01:04,965

1
00:01:09,970 --> 00:01:11,905
None of you
will inherit anything.

2
00:01:11,972 --> 00:01:14,107
Because there isn't any.

3
00:01:25,986 --> 00:01:27,621
Previously on The Simpsons,

4
00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:30,857
a charismatic new preacher
came to Springfield.

5
00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:32,092
You want to hold my gun?

6
00:01:32,159 --> 00:01:34,094
You... You can.

7
00:01:34,161 --> 00:01:35,028
And Lisa admired him

8
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:37,431
like no adult man
she'd ever met.

9
00:01:37,497 --> 00:01:39,933
This brunch has turned into...

10

1
00:00:09,076 --> 00:00:10,611
Hey there, chief.

2
00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:13,780
Look, your mailbox
hasn't been emptied in weeks.

3
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:16,383
Oh, no, not the mail.

4
00:00:16,450 --> 00:00:19,086
What if I'm missing out
on coupon packs,

5
00:00:19,152 --> 00:00:21,288
or perhaps a jury summons?

6
00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:25,058
How will I live
without my paper e-mails?

7
00:00:25,125 --> 00:00:27,060
I get it.

8
00:00:27,127 --> 00:00:29,463
But be a pal, pally.
Empty it out.

9
00:00:29,530 --> 00:00:33,600
It has been baking
in the sun for a while.

1
00:00:33,100 --> 00:00:34,635
Who wants popcorn...

2
00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:38,705
to string
and put on the Christmas tree?

3
00:00:38,772 --> 00:00:40,007
Ah, damn it.

4
00:00:44,444 --> 00:00:47,080
Mom, I made an ornament
at Sunday school.

5
00:00:47,147 --> 00:00:49,416
Oh, it's so...

6
00:00:49,483 --> 00:00:51,385
sticky.

7
00:00:51,451 --> 00:00:53,954
The Popsicle juice represents
Jesus's blood.

8
00:00:54,021 --> 00:00:57,958
That would look so pretty
on the back of the tree.

9
00:00:59,326 --> 00:01:01,061
Do not put on tree.