The Office (US Version) - Fifth Season English Subtitles

1
00:00:22,814 --> 00:00:26,360
All right, everybody, this
is your last meal, so eat up.

2
00:00:26,443 --> 00:00:27,569
[ALL CHEER]

3
00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:30,656
From this point forward,
you will not use the bathroom.

4
00:00:30,739 --> 00:00:33,742
We need to keep our starting
weights high so we can lose more.

5
00:00:33,825 --> 00:00:35,452
This summer,
corporate is sponsoring

6
00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:37,746
a little weight loss contest
between the branches.

7
00:00:37,829 --> 00:00:41,375
Whichever branch
loses the most weight

8
00:00:41,458 --> 00:00:43,001
gets three extra vacation days.

9
00:00:43,460 --> 00:00:44,979

1
00:00:01,460 --> 00:00:03,003
PAM: [ON PHONE]
Well, I should go.

2
00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:05,255
All right. I'll tell everybody
here that you say hi.

3
00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:07,007
No, don't.
I'm mad at them.

4
00:00:07,090 --> 00:00:08,467
[CHUCKLES] Why?
What happened?

5
00:00:08,550 --> 00:00:11,512
Not one of them called to
congratulate me on our engagement.

6
00:00:11,595 --> 00:00:12,763
Ah!

7
00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:16,808
That, they might be off the hook
for, because I didn't tell them.

8
00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:19,061
What? Why not?

9
00:00:19,144 --> 00:00:22,105

1
00:00:03,795 --> 00:00:05,214
[WATCH ALARM BEEPS]

2
00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:07,716
Hey, Michael?
Yeah?

3
00:00:07,799 --> 00:00:09,426
Contractions are coming
every 10 minutes.

4
00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:11,428
Okay, just remember
to keep breathing.

5
00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:14,223
My cervix is ripening.
Okay, good.

6
00:00:14,306 --> 00:00:17,059
Jan is about to have a baby
with a sperm donor,

7
00:00:17,142 --> 00:00:21,730
and Michael is preparing for the
birth of a watermelon with Dwight.

8
00:00:21,813 --> 00:00:25,359
Now this baby will be
related to Michael through...

9

1
00:00:01,919 --> 00:00:03,462
[PHONE RINGING]

2
00:00:06,465 --> 00:00:08,884
Pam, line three.
Okay, thanks.

3
00:00:08,967 --> 00:00:13,388
New York, as it turns out, is very
expensive, and I ran out of money.

4
00:00:14,223 --> 00:00:16,058
I thought about
selling a kidney,

5
00:00:16,141 --> 00:00:19,394
but Michael offered to get me
a part-time job at corporate.

6
00:00:21,563 --> 00:00:22,564
Hey.

7
00:00:22,648 --> 00:00:27,778
MICHAEL: [ON PHONE] Pamela!

8
00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:30,280
Of course, now Michael
knows where to reach me

9
00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:31,907
sixteen to 18 hours a week.

1
00:00:04,087 --> 00:00:06,048
Wow, you guys look amazing.

2
00:00:06,131 --> 00:00:07,716
Stanley, I thought
you hated Halloween.

3
00:00:07,799 --> 00:00:10,552
[SHUSHES] He wears it
so he can sleep at his desk.

4
00:00:10,636 --> 00:00:12,471
Who are you?
I'm Carrie Bradshaw

5
00:00:12,554 --> 00:00:14,014
from Sex and the City.

6
00:00:14,097 --> 00:00:15,097
I like your shoes.

7
00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:16,141
Thank you.

8
00:00:16,225 --> 00:00:17,577
Will you help walk me
to the fax machine?

9
00:00:17,601 --> 00:00:18,602
Sure.

1
00:00:03,504 --> 00:00:04,588
Hey, sport!

2
00:00:04,671 --> 00:00:06,548
I heard someone
got engaged, you dog!

3
00:00:06,632 --> 00:00:07,758
Yeah.

4
00:00:08,383 --> 00:00:09,718
[GROANS] God!

5
00:00:09,801 --> 00:00:11,178
Nothing can hurt you now.

6
00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:12,888
You're a man in love!

7
00:00:15,974 --> 00:00:16,975
[DOOR CLOSES]

8
00:00:17,059 --> 00:00:19,478
I was there, and that
dude is not engaged.

9
00:00:19,561 --> 00:00:21,480
I'm not a big believer
in therapy,

10

1
00:00:02,294 --> 00:00:04,046
Did you know that in Morocco

2
00:00:04,129 --> 00:00:05,797
it is common to
exchange a small gift

3
00:00:05,881 --> 00:00:08,091
when meeting somebody
for the first time?

4
00:00:08,175 --> 00:00:12,429
In Japan, you must always commit
suicide to avoid embarrassment.

5
00:00:13,430 --> 00:00:18,644
In Italy, you must always wash your
hands after going to the bathroom.

6
00:00:18,810 --> 00:00:20,854
This is considered to be polite.

7
00:00:20,938 --> 00:00:22,105
Why are you telling us this?

8
00:00:22,189 --> 00:00:26,527
I am jetting off on an
international business trip.

9
00:00:26,985 --> 00:00:28,153
Where are you going?

1
00:00:07,299 --> 00:00:08,926
Are you swallowing them whole?

2
00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:11,887
You're eating them so fast, are
they even touching your tongue?

3
00:00:11,970 --> 00:00:12,971
Yes.

4
00:00:13,055 --> 00:00:14,157
Why aren't you
having any, Angela?

5
00:00:14,181 --> 00:00:18,393
Oh, I ate so many already
when no one was looking.

6
00:00:18,477 --> 00:00:20,395
[LAUGHING]
Yeah, right.

7
00:00:21,146 --> 00:00:22,856
My baby's dieting.

8
00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:26,151
She wants to fit into a special
child-size wedding gown for our big day.

9
00:00:26,235 --> 00:00:27,528
Why do those exist?

1
00:00:02,127 --> 00:00:05,380
Here are our final
actual costs for this year.

2
00:00:05,464 --> 00:00:06,507
Okay.

3
00:00:06,590 --> 00:00:08,190
As you can see,
we did pretty well, so...

4
00:00:08,217 --> 00:00:10,594
Yes. Yes, I can see

5
00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:13,514
that we did indeed.

6
00:00:14,681 --> 00:00:17,976
Why don't you explain this to
me like I am an eight-year-old?

7
00:00:18,060 --> 00:00:21,605
All right, well, this is the
overall budget for this fiscal year

8
00:00:21,688 --> 00:00:24,316
along the X axis.

9
00:00:24,399 --> 00:00:27,069
Yes. There's the X axix.
Right there.

1
00:00:09,635 --> 00:00:11,386
What is this?

2
00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:13,013
Happy holidays, Dwight.

3
00:00:13,096 --> 00:00:15,224
But do not open it
till Christmas.

4
00:00:15,307 --> 00:00:17,893
You're so pathetic. How long
did this take you, three hours?

5
00:00:17,976 --> 00:00:21,188
Five minutes, actually. I'm
a black belt in gift wrapping.

6
00:00:21,271 --> 00:00:22,356
Yeah, no such thing.

7
00:00:22,439 --> 00:00:25,317
They don't give out black
belts for things that are stupid.

8
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:27,186
Well, I hope it was worth it,

9
00:00:27,236 --> 00:00:29,947
because I'm going to take it
apart in about five minutes.

1
00:00:02,211 --> 00:00:03,795
[PHONE RINGING]

2
00:00:04,963 --> 00:00:07,132
Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.

3
00:00:07,925 --> 00:00:09,218
I'm sorry, he's not in yet.

4
00:00:09,301 --> 00:00:11,428
Would you like his voicemail?

5
00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:13,597
MICHAEL: Yeah!

6
00:00:14,139 --> 00:00:16,600
Yeah! Yeah! Okay.

7
00:00:18,435 --> 00:00:20,229
Twelve miles an hour.

8
00:00:20,312 --> 00:00:22,314
Eat that, Carl Lewis!

9
00:00:23,315 --> 00:00:25,651
Angela made several
911 calls about cars

10
00:00:25,734 --> 00:00:27,653
going too fast in

1
00:00:09,301 --> 00:00:11,386
What's this?

2
00:00:13,180 --> 00:00:14,890
Looks like a red wire.

3
00:00:15,098 --> 00:00:16,099
Well...

4
00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:19,311
It wasn't here before.

5
00:00:19,811 --> 00:00:22,856
It's a computer, Dwight.
I mean, computers have wires.

6
00:00:22,940 --> 00:00:24,483
Yours doesn't.

7
00:00:24,942 --> 00:00:26,401
Doesn't it?

8
00:00:26,485 --> 00:00:27,736
No.

9
00:00:29,154 --> 00:00:31,490
It's going in a different
direction than the other wires.

10
00:00:31,615 --> 00:00:35,118

1
00:00:26,985 --> 00:00:29,112
DWIGHT: Last week,
I gave a fire safety talk,

2
00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:30,531
[CLEARS THROAT LOUDLY]

3
00:00:30,614 --> 00:00:32,824
And nobody paid any attention.

4
00:00:33,492 --> 00:00:35,827
It's my own fault
for using PowerPoint.

5
00:00:35,994 --> 00:00:37,371
PowerPoint is boring.

6
00:00:37,996 --> 00:00:40,249
People learn in
lots of different ways,

7
00:00:40,332 --> 00:00:43,252
but experience is
the best teacher.

8
00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:51,635
Today, smoking is
going to save lives.

9
00:01:10,862 --> 00:01:13,323
Does anyone

1
00:00:02,878 --> 00:00:05,088
[MICHAEL BREATHING HEAVILY
ON PA]

2
00:00:09,593 --> 00:00:11,303
[MICHAEL LAUGHING]

3
00:00:13,931 --> 00:00:16,016
This morning,
the phone guy comes in

4
00:00:16,099 --> 00:00:19,478
and he shows Michael that
our phones have a PA function.

5
00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:21,730
And then he just left.

6
00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:24,066
MICHAEL ON PA: This
is your captain speaking.

7
00:00:24,149 --> 00:00:27,736
The office will be flying at
an altitude of two stories.

8
00:00:27,819 --> 00:00:29,696
Look out your left-hand window

9
00:00:29,780 --> 00:00:31,949
and you will see

1
00:00:02,961 --> 00:00:04,421
MICHAEL: I am
on a lecture circuit.

2
00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:06,256
I'm going around
to all the branches,

3
00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:09,259
and I am telling them my
secret recipe for success.

4
00:00:09,384 --> 00:00:12,095
I have now memorized
all of your names.

5
00:00:12,429 --> 00:00:17,559
Shirty, mole, lazy
eye, Mexico, baldy.

6
00:00:17,935 --> 00:00:19,645
Hi, Kelly.
Screw you.

7
00:00:19,728 --> 00:00:20,771
Excuse me.

8
00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:22,064
Screw you, too.

9
00:00:22,272 --> 00:00:23,649

1
00:00:02,169 --> 00:00:03,378
Hi.

2
00:00:03,462 --> 00:00:04,922
Good morning.
Can I help you?

3
00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:08,592
Yes. I'm from Tech Star, about
a new phone system for you.

4
00:00:08,675 --> 00:00:12,262
I was wondering if I
could talk to Michael Scott?

5
00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:14,848
I'm sorry.
He's not in right now.

6
00:00:14,932 --> 00:00:17,684
SALESMAN: Really? He's
never around when I come by.

7
00:00:17,768 --> 00:00:18,769
Shoot.

8
00:00:18,977 --> 00:00:20,687
They have new phone systems now

9
00:00:20,771 --> 00:00:22,981
that can ring

1
00:00:01,877 --> 00:00:03,378
PAM: Yeah, that's no problem.
Pam.

2
00:00:03,504 --> 00:00:06,006
Sure.
Pam, knock knock.

3
00:00:06,089 --> 00:00:07,942
[WHISPERS] I'm on the phone.
I know you are. Knock knock.

4
00:00:07,966 --> 00:00:09,927
You can fax it over.

5
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:14,097
Yeah, 5-7-0-5-5-5...
4-9-1...

6
00:00:14,181 --> 00:00:15,849
...0-1...
...7-4...

7
00:00:15,933 --> 00:00:17,601
...7-5.
Five-ling.

8
00:00:17,768 --> 00:00:20,854
[CHUCKLING] 0-1
75. Thank you. Bye-bye.

9

1
00:00:01,084 --> 00:00:03,587
Michael, since it is your fifteenth
anniversary at the company,

2
00:00:03,670 --> 00:00:05,964
I thought it might be
appropriate to begin the festivities

3
00:00:06,048 --> 00:00:08,967
with a 15-minute
round of applause.

4
00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:10,092
I like it.

5
00:00:10,135 --> 00:00:13,222
Followed by a 15-minute
moment of silence.

6
00:00:13,430 --> 00:00:14,932
I don't know.

7
00:00:15,599 --> 00:00:16,600
Is it classy enough?

8
00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:19,228
Jim, enough with
the classy, okay?

9
00:00:19,311 --> 00:00:22,189
I just feel like after 15

1
00:00:01,251 --> 00:00:04,796
I had no idea, when I got
into that car to go to New York,

2
00:00:05,214 --> 00:00:06,483
that I was going to be quitting.

3
00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:09,593
I got on the ramp, and
I was, like, "Two hours."

4
00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:13,263
"Two hours to go. Feeling
good. Crank some tunes."

5
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:14,714
"Should've peed
before I left."

6
00:00:14,765 --> 00:00:15,825
Michael, get to the good part.

7
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:18,810
Okay, so,
get up to the building.

8
00:00:19,561 --> 00:00:21,563
Revolving door, broken.

9
00:00:21,772 --> 00:00:22,773
[KEVIN EXCLAIMS]

1
00:00:02,461 --> 00:00:04,087
[PHONE RINGING]

2
00:00:08,258 --> 00:00:10,344
You gonna answer that, Kev?

3
00:00:11,053 --> 00:00:12,721
Oh, right. Thanks.

4
00:00:15,098 --> 00:00:17,726
Dunder Mifflin.
This is Kevin.

5
00:00:17,809 --> 00:00:19,895
Please hold
while I transfer you.

6
00:00:20,521 --> 00:00:22,397
Oscar! Your mom!

7
00:00:24,149 --> 00:00:27,486
JIM: Charles is having Kevin
cover the phones for a while.

8
00:00:27,569 --> 00:00:29,988
How do I say this
diplomatically?

9
00:00:30,113 --> 00:00:33,575
I think Kevin is doing exactly as
well as anyone might have expected

1
00:00:03,712 --> 00:00:05,881
[MUSIC PLAYING ON CAR RADIO]

2
00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:19,645
It's Britney, bitch,
and I am back

3
00:00:20,312 --> 00:00:21,688
in the form of a new company,

4
00:00:21,772 --> 00:00:24,191
the Michael Scott Paper Company.

5
00:00:32,574 --> 00:00:33,867
Okay.

6
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:35,452
Not going to make this one.

7
00:00:41,625 --> 00:00:43,126
Love the hair.

8
00:00:46,505 --> 00:00:48,006
Morning, Michael.
MICHAEL: Hello.

9
00:00:50,342 --> 00:00:51,622
They took away my parking space,

10
00:00:51,677 --> 00:00:53,387

1
00:00:03,754 --> 00:00:04,963
[MICHAEL EXCLAIMS]

2
00:00:07,758 --> 00:00:09,218
Things are a little slow here.

3
00:00:09,301 --> 00:00:11,053
And there's only
so much cold-calling

4
00:00:11,136 --> 00:00:12,846
you can do in a day.

5
00:00:12,930 --> 00:00:14,949
Turns out there's no limit
to the number of cheese puffs

6
00:00:14,973 --> 00:00:16,600
you can throw at someone's face.

7
00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:17,809
[MICHAEL EXCLAIMS]

8
00:00:20,395 --> 00:00:21,688
We're getting pretty good at it.

9
00:01:15,367 --> 00:01:17,411
[A CAPPELLA GROUP HUMMING]

10
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:23,667

1
00:00:02,628 --> 00:00:06,256
MICHAEL: It's 4:30 in the morning.
Do you know where your kids are?

2
00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:10,385
If you are Ryan's parents or
Pam's parents or my parents, you do.

3
00:00:10,469 --> 00:00:13,222
They're going to be
in this van, with me.

4
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:15,766
Who am I?
Nothing to fear.

5
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:18,936
I am just a 44-year-old guy
with a paper route.

6
00:00:21,313 --> 00:00:22,356
[HONKING]

7
00:00:22,439 --> 00:00:24,525
Time to make the doughnuts!

8
00:00:24,816 --> 00:00:26,068
[CAR ENGINE STARTING]

9
00:00:26,151 --> 00:00:28,028
[LAUGHING]

1
00:00:01,960 --> 00:00:03,378
KEVIN: At least once a year,

2
00:00:03,462 --> 00:00:07,799
I like to bring in some of
my Kevin's Famous Chili.

3
00:00:07,883 --> 00:00:11,970
The trick is to
undercook the onions.

4
00:00:12,054 --> 00:00:15,891
Everybody is going to get
to know each other in the pot.

5
00:00:15,974 --> 00:00:18,602
Now, I'm serious
about this stuff.

6
00:00:18,685 --> 00:00:23,649
I'm up the night before, pressing
garlic and dicing whole tomatoes.

7
00:00:23,732 --> 00:00:26,818
I toast my own Ancho chilies.

8
00:00:26,902 --> 00:00:28,529
[MOANING]

9
00:00:29,363 --> 00:00:33,116
It's a recipe passed down

1
00:00:02,127 --> 00:00:05,172
Oh, my God.
I can't believe it.

2
00:00:05,255 --> 00:00:07,132
I just won an art contest.

3
00:00:07,424 --> 00:00:09,051
[ERIN EXCLAIMING IN DELIGHT]

4
00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:15,724
[LAUGHING]

5
00:00:15,807 --> 00:00:16,808
[WHISPERING] Thanks.

6
00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:18,036
I still don't understand why you

7
00:00:18,060 --> 00:00:19,454
wanted me to say that.
DWIGHT: Shut up.

8
00:00:19,478 --> 00:00:20,687
[LAUGHING]

9
00:00:21,688 --> 00:00:22,689
I got her.

10
00:00:22,773 --> 00:00:23,773

1
00:00:02,127 --> 00:00:03,670
[PHONE RINGING]

2
00:00:04,755 --> 00:00:07,216
Dunder Mifflin, this is Erin.

3
00:00:07,299 --> 00:00:09,426
He's not available right now.

4
00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:11,261
Uh-huh.

5
00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:15,265
Yes. Sure, I'll give him the
message when he gets up. Gets back.

6
00:00:17,893 --> 00:00:20,062
Michael had chicken
pot pie for lunch.

7
00:00:20,145 --> 00:00:21,372
Actually, let me rephrase that.

8
00:00:21,396 --> 00:00:24,608
Michael had an entire
chicken pot pie for lunch.

9
00:00:25,609 --> 00:00:26,610
Let me be more specific.

10