The Office (US Version) - Fifth Season English Subtitles

1
00:00:22,773 --> 00:00:26,317
All right, everybody, this is
your last meal, so eat up.

2
00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:30,613
From this point forward,
you will not use the bathroom.

3
00:00:30,698 --> 00:00:33,700
We need to keep our starting
weights high so we can lose more.

4
00:00:33,784 --> 00:00:35,410
This summer,
corporate is sponsoring

5
00:00:35,494 --> 00:00:37,704
a little weight loss contest
between the branches.

6
00:00:37,788 --> 00:00:41,332
Whichever branch
loses the most weight

7
00:00:41,417 --> 00:00:42,959
gets three extra
vacation days.

8
00:00:43,419 --> 00:00:44,877
What should we do
with all these leftovers?

1
00:00:01,418 --> 00:00:02,960
Well, I should go.

2
00:00:03,045 --> 00:00:05,213
All right. I'll tell everybody
here that you say hi.

3
00:00:05,297 --> 00:00:06,964
No, don't.
I'm mad at them.

4
00:00:07,049 --> 00:00:08,424
Why?
What happened?

5
00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:11,469
Not one of them called to
congratulate me on our engagement.

6
00:00:11,553 --> 00:00:12,720
Ah!

7
00:00:12,805 --> 00:00:16,766
That, they might be off the hook
for, because I didn't tell them.

8
00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:19,018
What? Why not?

9
00:00:19,103 --> 00:00:22,063
I just didn't,

1
00:00:06,298 --> 00:00:07,674
Hey, Michael?
Yeah?

2
00:00:07,758 --> 00:00:09,384
Contractions are coming
every 10 minutes.

3
00:00:09,468 --> 00:00:11,386
Okay, just remember
to keep breathing.

4
00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:14,180
My cervix is ripening.
Okay, good.

5
00:00:14,264 --> 00:00:17,016
Jan is about to have a baby
with a sperm donor,

6
00:00:17,101 --> 00:00:21,688
and Michael is preparing for the
birth of a watermelon with Dwight.

7
00:00:21,772 --> 00:00:25,316
Now this baby will be related
to Michael through...

8
00:00:27,277 --> 00:00:28,403
Delusion.

9

1
00:00:06,423 --> 00:00:08,841
Pam, line three.
Okay, thanks.

2
00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:13,346
New York, as it turns out, is very
expensive, and I ran out of money.

3
00:00:14,181 --> 00:00:16,015
I thought about
selling a kidney,

4
00:00:16,100 --> 00:00:19,352
but Michael offered to get me
a part-time job at corporate.

5
00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:22,522
Hey.

6
00:00:22,606 --> 00:00:27,735
Pamela!

7
00:00:27,820 --> 00:00:30,238
Of course, now Michael
knows where to reach me

8
00:00:30,322 --> 00:00:31,864
sixteen to 18 hours a week.

9
00:00:32,449 --> 00:00:38,454
Hey, Michael.

1
00:00:04,046 --> 00:00:06,005
Wow, you guys
look amazing.

2
00:00:06,090 --> 00:00:07,674
Stanley, I thought
you hated Halloween.

3
00:00:07,758 --> 00:00:10,510
He wears it so he can
sleep at his desk.

4
00:00:10,594 --> 00:00:12,428
Who are you?
I'm Carrie Bradshaw

5
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:13,971
from Sex and the City.

6
00:00:14,056 --> 00:00:15,014
I like your shoes.

7
00:00:15,099 --> 00:00:16,099
Thank you.

8
00:00:16,183 --> 00:00:17,475
Will you help walk me
to the fax machine?

9
00:00:17,559 --> 00:00:18,559
Sure.

1
00:00:03,462 --> 00:00:04,545
Hey, sport!

2
00:00:04,630 --> 00:00:06,506
I heard someone
got engaged, you dog!

3
00:00:06,590 --> 00:00:07,715
Yeah.

4
00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:09,676
God!

5
00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:11,135
Nothing can
hurt you now.

6
00:00:11,220 --> 00:00:12,845
You're a man in love!

7
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:19,435
I was there, and that
dude is not engaged.

8
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:21,437
I'm not a big believer
in therapy,

9
00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:23,940
but I would go into my own
pocket to cover his copay.

1
00:00:02,252 --> 00:00:04,003
Did you know that in Morocco

2
00:00:04,088 --> 00:00:05,755
it is common to
exchange a small gift

3
00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:08,049
when meeting somebody
for the first time?

4
00:00:08,133 --> 00:00:12,387
In Japan, you must always commit
suicide to avoid embarrassment.

5
00:00:13,389 --> 00:00:18,601
In Italy, you must always wash your
hands after going to the bathroom.

6
00:00:18,769 --> 00:00:20,812
This is considered
to be polite.

7
00:00:20,896 --> 00:00:22,063
Why are you telling us this?

8
00:00:22,147 --> 00:00:26,484
I am jetting off on an
international business trip.

9
00:00:26,944 --> 00:00:28,111

1
00:00:07,257 --> 00:00:08,883
Are you
swallowing them whole?

2
00:00:08,967 --> 00:00:11,844
You're eating them so fast, are
they even touching your tongue?

3
00:00:11,929 --> 00:00:12,929
Yes.

4
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:14,055
Why aren't you
having any, Angela?

5
00:00:14,139 --> 00:00:18,351
Oh, I ate so many already
when no one was looking.

6
00:00:18,435 --> 00:00:20,353
Yeah, right.

7
00:00:21,105 --> 00:00:22,814
My baby's dieting.

8
00:00:22,981 --> 00:00:26,109
She wants to fit into a special
child-size wedding gown for our big day.

9
00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:27,485
Why do those exist?

1
00:00:02,086 --> 00:00:05,338
Here are our final actual
costs for this year.

2
00:00:05,422 --> 00:00:06,464
Okay.

3
00:00:06,548 --> 00:00:08,091
As you can see,
we did pretty well, so...

4
00:00:08,175 --> 00:00:10,551
Yes. Yes, I can see

5
00:00:11,303 --> 00:00:13,471
that we did indeed.

6
00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:17,934
Why don't you explain this to
me like I am an eight-year-old?

7
00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:21,562
All right, well, this is the overall
budget for this fiscal year

8
00:00:21,647 --> 00:00:24,273
along the X axis.

9
00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:27,026
Yes. There's the X axix.
Right there.

1
00:00:09,593 --> 00:00:11,344
What is this?

2
00:00:11,428 --> 00:00:12,970
Happy holidays, Dwight.

3
00:00:13,055 --> 00:00:15,181
But do not open it
till Christmas.

4
00:00:15,265 --> 00:00:17,850
You're so pathetic. How long did
this take you, three hours?

5
00:00:17,935 --> 00:00:21,145
Five minutes, actually. I'm a
black belt in gift wrapping.

6
00:00:21,230 --> 00:00:22,313
Yeah, no such thing.

7
00:00:22,398 --> 00:00:25,274
They don't give out black belts
for things that are stupid.

8
00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:27,110
Well, I hope
it was worth it,

9
00:00:27,194 --> 00:00:29,904
because I'm going to take it

1
00:00:04,922 --> 00:00:07,090
Dunder Mifflin,
this is Pam.

2
00:00:07,883 --> 00:00:09,175
I'm sorry,
he's not in yet.

3
00:00:09,259 --> 00:00:11,386
Would you like
his voice-mail?

4
00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:13,554
Yeah!

5
00:00:14,098 --> 00:00:16,557
Yeah! Yeah! Okay.

6
00:00:18,394 --> 00:00:20,186
Twelve miles an hour.

7
00:00:20,270 --> 00:00:22,271
Eat that, Carl Lewis!

8
00:00:23,273 --> 00:00:25,608
Angela made several
911 calls about cars

9
00:00:25,693 --> 00:00:27,610
going too fast in front
of the building,

1
00:00:09,259 --> 00:00:11,344
What's this?

2
00:00:13,138 --> 00:00:14,847
Looks like a red wire.

3
00:00:15,057 --> 00:00:16,057
Well...

4
00:00:17,643 --> 00:00:19,268
It wasn't here before.

5
00:00:19,770 --> 00:00:22,814
It's a computer, Dwight.
I mean, computers have wires.

6
00:00:22,898 --> 00:00:24,440
Yours doesn't.

7
00:00:24,900 --> 00:00:26,359
Doesn't it?

8
00:00:26,443 --> 00:00:27,694
No.

9
00:00:29,113 --> 00:00:31,447
It's going in a different
direction than the other wires.

10
00:00:31,573 --> 00:00:35,076

1
00:00:26,944 --> 00:00:29,070
Last week,
I gave a fire safety talk,

2
00:00:30,572 --> 00:00:32,782
and nobody paid
any attention.

3
00:00:33,450 --> 00:00:35,785
It's my own fault
for using PowerPoint.

4
00:00:35,953 --> 00:00:37,328
PowerPoint is boring.

5
00:00:37,955 --> 00:00:40,206
People learn in
lots of different ways,

6
00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:43,209
but experience is
the best teacher.

7
00:00:48,799 --> 00:00:51,592
Today, smoking is
going to save lives.

8
00:01:10,821 --> 00:01:13,281
Does anyone
smell anything smoky?

9

1
00:00:13,931 --> 00:00:16,015
This morning,
the phone guy comes in

2
00:00:16,100 --> 00:00:19,477
and he shows Michael that our
phones have a PA function.

3
00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:21,729
And then he just left.

4
00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:24,065
This is your
captain speaking.

5
00:00:24,149 --> 00:00:27,735
The office will be flying at
an altitude of two stories.

6
00:00:27,820 --> 00:00:29,696
Look out your
left-hand window

7
00:00:29,780 --> 00:00:31,948
and you will see
Vance Refrigeration.

8
00:00:33,492 --> 00:00:37,578
I am the ghost
of salesmen past.

9

1
00:00:02,961 --> 00:00:04,420
I am
on a lecture circuit.

2
00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:06,255
I'm going around
to all the branches,

3
00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:09,258
and I am telling them my
secret recipe for success.

4
00:00:09,385 --> 00:00:12,095
I have now memorized
all of your names.

5
00:00:12,429 --> 00:00:17,558
Shirty, mole, lazy
eye, Mexico, baldy.

6
00:00:17,935 --> 00:00:19,644
Hi, Kelly.
Screw you.

7
00:00:19,728 --> 00:00:20,770
Excuse me.

8
00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:22,063
Screw you, too.

9
00:00:22,272 --> 00:00:23,648

1
00:00:02,169 --> 00:00:03,378
Hi.

2
00:00:03,462 --> 00:00:04,921
Good morning.
Can I help you?

3
00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:08,591
Yes. I'm from Tech Star, about
a new phone system for you.

4
00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:12,261
I was wondering if I could
talk to Michael Scott?

5
00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:14,847
I'm sorry.
He's not in right now.

6
00:00:14,932 --> 00:00:17,684
Really? He's never
around when I come by.

7
00:00:17,768 --> 00:00:18,768
Shoot.

8
00:00:18,977 --> 00:00:20,687
They have new
phone systems now

9
00:00:20,771 --> 00:00:22,980

1
00:00:01,877 --> 00:00:03,378
Yeah, that's no problem.
Pam.

2
00:00:03,504 --> 00:00:06,005
Sure.
Pam, knock knock.

3
00:00:06,090 --> 00:00:07,882
I'm on the phone.
I know you are. Knock knock.

4
00:00:07,966 --> 00:00:09,926
You can fax it over.

5
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:14,097
Yeah, 5-7-0-5-5-5...
4-9-1...

6
00:00:14,181 --> 00:00:15,848
...0-1...
...7-4...

7
00:00:15,933 --> 00:00:17,600
...7-5.
Five-ling.

8
00:00:17,768 --> 00:00:20,853
0-1 -7-5.
Thank you. Bye-bye.

9

1
00:00:01,085 --> 00:00:03,586
Michael, since it is your fifteenth
anniversary at the company,

2
00:00:03,671 --> 00:00:05,963
I thought it might be appropriate
to begin the festivities

3
00:00:06,048 --> 00:00:08,966
with a 15-minute
round of applause.

4
00:00:09,093 --> 00:00:10,051
I like it.

5
00:00:10,135 --> 00:00:13,221
Followed by a 15-minute
moment of silence.

6
00:00:13,430 --> 00:00:14,931
I don't know.

7
00:00:15,599 --> 00:00:16,599
Is it classy enough?

8
00:00:16,684 --> 00:00:19,227
Jim, enough with
the classy, okay?

9
00:00:19,311 --> 00:00:22,188
I just feel like after 15

1
00:00:01,251 --> 00:00:04,796
I had no idea, when I got into
that car to go to New York,

2
00:00:05,214 --> 00:00:06,422
that I was going
to be quitting.

3
00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:09,592
I got on the ramp, and I
was, like, "Two hours.

4
00:00:09,677 --> 00:00:13,262
"Two hours to go. Feeling good.
Crank some tunes.

5
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:14,681
"Should've peed
before I left."

6
00:00:14,765 --> 00:00:15,765
Michael,
get to the good part.

7
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:18,810
Okay, so,
get up to the building.

8
00:00:19,561 --> 00:00:21,562
Revolving door, broken.

9

1
00:00:08,217 --> 00:00:10,301
You gonna answer that, Kev?

2
00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:12,679
Oh, right. Thanks.

3
00:00:15,057 --> 00:00:17,684
Dunder Mifflin.
This is Kevin.

4
00:00:17,768 --> 00:00:19,852
Please hold
while I transfer you.

5
00:00:20,479 --> 00:00:22,355
Oscar! Your mom!

6
00:00:24,108 --> 00:00:27,443
Charles is having Kevin cover
the phones for a while.

7
00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:29,946
How do I say this
diplomatically?

8
00:00:30,072 --> 00:00:33,533
I think Kevin is doing exactly as
well as anyone might have expected

9
00:00:33,617 --> 00:00:36,953
someone like him to perform

1
00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:19,602
It's Britney, bitch,
and I am back

2
00:00:20,270 --> 00:00:21,646
in the form of
a new company,

3
00:00:21,730 --> 00:00:24,148
the Michael Scott
Paper Company.

4
00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:33,825
Okay.

5
00:00:33,992 --> 00:00:35,410
Not going to make this one.

6
00:00:41,583 --> 00:00:43,084
Love the hair.

7
00:00:46,463 --> 00:00:47,964
- Morning, Michael.
- Hello.

8
00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:51,551
They took away
my parking space,

9
00:00:51,635 --> 00:00:53,344
but they can't

1
00:00:07,716 --> 00:00:09,175
Things are
a little slow here.

2
00:00:09,259 --> 00:00:11,010
And there's only
so much cold-calling

3
00:00:11,095 --> 00:00:12,804
you can do in a day.

4
00:00:12,888 --> 00:00:14,847
Turns out there's no limit
to the number of cheese puffs

5
00:00:14,932 --> 00:00:16,557
you can throw at
someone's face.

6
00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:21,646
We're getting
pretty good at it.

7
00:01:21,874 --> 00:01:23,624
Andy put down
a bunch of deposits

8
00:01:23,709 --> 00:01:25,084
on stuff for his
wedding with Angela,

9

1
00:00:02,586 --> 00:00:06,214
It's 4:30 in the morning. Do
you know where your kids are?

2
00:00:06,298 --> 00:00:10,343
If you are Ryan's parents or Pam's
parents or my parents, you do.

3
00:00:10,427 --> 00:00:13,179
They're going to be
in this van, with me.

4
00:00:13,472 --> 00:00:15,723
Who am I?
Nothing to fear.

5
00:00:15,808 --> 00:00:18,893
I am just a 44-year-old guy
with a paper route.

6
00:00:22,398 --> 00:00:24,482
Time to make
the doughnuts!

7
00:00:28,946 --> 00:00:30,154
Come on!

8
00:00:32,116 --> 00:00:34,450
No, I promise
I won't do it again.

9

1
00:00:01,919 --> 00:00:03,336
At least once a year,

2
00:00:03,420 --> 00:00:07,757
I like to bring in some of
my Kevin's Famous Chili.

3
00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:11,928
The trick is to
undercook the onions.

4
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:15,848
Everybody is going to get to
know each other in the pot.

5
00:00:15,933 --> 00:00:18,559
Now, I'm serious
about this stuff.

6
00:00:18,644 --> 00:00:23,606
I'm up the night before, pressing
garlic and dicing whole tomatoes.

7
00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:26,776
I toast my own
Ancho chilies.

8
00:00:29,321 --> 00:00:33,074
It's a recipe passed down
from Malones for generations.

9

1
00:00:02,086 --> 00:00:05,129
Oh, my God.
I can't believe it.

2
00:00:05,214 --> 00:00:07,090
I just won
an art contest.

3
00:00:15,766 --> 00:00:16,766
Thanks.

4
00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:17,934
I still don't
understand why you

5
00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,352
- wanted me to say that.
- Shut up.

6
00:00:21,647 --> 00:00:22,647
I got her.

7
00:00:25,150 --> 00:00:26,609
Not cool, Dwight.

8
00:00:27,569 --> 00:00:28,861
Not cool, man.

9
00:01:05,983 --> 00:01:07,859
Oh, no.

1
00:00:04,713 --> 00:00:07,173
Dunder Mifflin,
this is Erin.

2
00:00:07,257 --> 00:00:09,384
He's not available
right now.

3
00:00:09,802 --> 00:00:11,219
Uh-huh.

4
00:00:11,303 --> 00:00:15,223
Yes. Sure, I'll give him the message
when he gets up. Gets back.

5
00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:20,019
Michael had chicken
pot pie for lunch.

6
00:00:20,104 --> 00:00:21,270
Actually,
let me rephrase that.

7
00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:24,565
Michael had an entire
chicken pot pie for lunch.

8
00:00:25,567 --> 00:00:26,567
Let me be more specific.

9
00:00:26,652 --> 00:00:31,364