The Good Place - First Season English Subtitles

1
00:00:27,132 --> 00:00:29,134
Eleanor? Come on in.

2
00:00:30,928 --> 00:00:32,763
Hi, Eleanor. I'm Michael.

3
00:00:33,889 --> 00:00:34,974
How are you today?

4
00:00:35,182 --> 00:00:36,934
I'm great. Thanks for asking.

5
00:00:37,852 --> 00:00:40,521
Oh, one question. Where am I?

6
00:00:40,604 --> 00:00:42,273
Who are you, and what's going on?

7
00:00:43,232 --> 00:00:47,236
Right, so, you,
Eleanor Shellstrop, are dead.

8
00:00:47,611 --> 00:00:49,280
Your life on Earth has ended,

9
00:00:49,363 --> 00:00:52,992
and you are now in the next phase
of your existence in the universe.

10
00:00:55,786 --> 00:00:59,540

1
00:00:11,031 --> 00:00:14,743
- You, Eleanor Shellstrop, are dead.
- Cool.

2
00:00:14,826 --> 00:00:17,579
Eleanor, you are my soulmate.

3
00:00:17,663 --> 00:00:19,956
There's been a big mistake.

4
00:00:20,374 --> 00:00:22,459
I'm not supposed to be here.

5
00:00:22,542 --> 00:00:25,837
- Wait, what?
- These people might be good,

6
00:00:25,921 --> 00:00:28,006
but are they really
that much better than me?

7
00:00:31,176 --> 00:00:34,262
Eleanor!
This is all happening because of you!

8
00:00:34,346 --> 00:00:37,057
Give me a chance.
Let me earn my place here.

9
00:00:37,140 --> 00:00:39,059
Let me be your ethical guinea pig.

1
00:00:09,111 --> 00:00:12,656
So, Aristotle was Plato's student.

2
00:00:12,948 --> 00:00:16,452
And Aristotle believes
that your character is voluntary,

3
00:00:16,535 --> 00:00:19,997
because it's just the result
of your actions,

4
00:00:20,080 --> 00:00:23,084
which are under your control.

5
00:00:24,001 --> 00:00:25,878
For example, right now,

6
00:00:25,961 --> 00:00:28,756
you have made the insane choice
to ignore the person

7
00:00:28,839 --> 00:00:32,301
who is literally trying to
save you from eternal damnation.

8
00:00:32,384 --> 00:00:33,969
No, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm listening.

9
00:00:34,053 --> 00:00:35,596
Uh, I just...

1
00:00:08,913 --> 00:00:12,458
Hang on, hang on...
You're not supposed to be here either?

2
00:00:12,708 --> 00:00:14,585
You're a mistake, just like me?

3
00:00:14,669 --> 00:00:15,962
Yeah, and I'm freaking out, dog.

4
00:00:16,045 --> 00:00:19,085
There's so much thoughts in my brain,
it's like my head is filled with rocks.

5
00:00:19,507 --> 00:00:23,761
How have you managed to stay undiscovered?
Because I have had to dodge and weave

6
00:00:23,970 --> 00:00:27,473
and barely escape with my life,
and you don't seem...

7
00:00:28,432 --> 00:00:30,351
Like a super genius.

8
00:00:31,978 --> 00:00:34,438
Hello, Jianyu. I'm Michael.

9
00:00:34,730 --> 00:00:37,358
Before we start,
I know you were a Buddhist monk

1
00:00:09,827 --> 00:00:11,787
Good afternoon, Eleanor.
What can I get you today?

2
00:00:12,830 --> 00:00:15,207
Whoa! Lot of new flavors.

3
00:00:15,291 --> 00:00:16,393
Michael felt bad about the sinkhole,

4
00:00:16,417 --> 00:00:18,210
so he wanted to give you all
a little treat.

5
00:00:18,294 --> 00:00:21,213
I recommend "Full Cell Phone Battery."

6
00:00:24,133 --> 00:00:27,887
It somehow tastes how I felt
when my cell phone was fully charged.

7
00:00:27,970 --> 00:00:29,013
Oh, I'm so relaxed.

8
00:00:29,888 --> 00:00:32,266
But they all look good.
This might take me a while.

9
00:00:32,933 --> 00:00:35,019
You know what, Gunnar,
why don't you go ahead?

1
00:00:12,611 --> 00:00:13,903
What are you doing?

2
00:00:14,154 --> 00:00:16,281
Dude, I'm freaked out about
my meeting with Michael,

3
00:00:16,364 --> 00:00:18,908
and if I spend one more second
staring at Creepo the Clown,

4
00:00:18,992 --> 00:00:20,712
- I'm gonna lose it.
- You named the clowns?

5
00:00:20,785 --> 00:00:24,122
Psycho, Creepo, Crazy Head,
Stupid Juggling Weirdo,

6
00:00:24,205 --> 00:00:27,208
Freaky Feet, and Nightmare
George Washington.

7
00:00:27,626 --> 00:00:29,210
One of them has to go.

8
00:00:31,671 --> 00:00:34,674
Oh, sexy mailman. Much better.

9
00:00:34,841 --> 00:00:36,861
In five minutes, Michael wants

1
00:00:09,528 --> 00:00:11,404
There's no escaping it.

2
00:00:12,364 --> 00:00:14,032
The problem...

3
00:00:14,533 --> 00:00:15,867
Is me.

4
00:00:15,951 --> 00:00:17,452
And now...

5
00:00:18,787 --> 00:00:21,790
I have to leave you... Forever.

6
00:00:22,082 --> 00:00:25,544
Michael, you can't be the problem.

7
00:00:25,627 --> 00:00:27,087
Oh, but I am.

8
00:00:27,212 --> 00:00:29,381
You see, architects aren't
supposed to live

9
00:00:29,464 --> 00:00:30,966
in the neighborhoods they design,

10
00:00:32,092 --> 00:00:35,595
but I love humans, so I wanted to try.

1
00:00:15,373 --> 00:00:17,333
Eleanor, come on in.

2
00:00:18,668 --> 00:00:22,755
Well, not often you get to confront
your greatest failure face-to-face.

3
00:00:22,839 --> 00:00:24,382
Good to see you, too, bud.

4
00:00:24,465 --> 00:00:26,926
I am just dumbfounded
as to how this happened.

5
00:00:27,009 --> 00:00:30,054
Our system has never
made a mistake before...

6
00:00:30,137 --> 00:00:31,305
It's just not possible.

7
00:00:31,389 --> 00:00:33,641
And yet, here we are.

8
00:00:33,724 --> 00:00:35,268
First things first...

9
00:00:36,811 --> 00:00:38,062
Who are you?

10

1
00:00:19,079 --> 00:00:21,414
Hey, ding-dongs.
We figured out what's happened here.

2
00:00:21,956 --> 00:00:24,584
You two are both named Eleanor Shellstrop.

3
00:00:24,834 --> 00:00:27,462
The day you died, you were
both in Phoenix, Arizona,

4
00:00:27,545 --> 00:00:29,923
shopping at the same grocery store.

5
00:00:31,341 --> 00:00:33,593
The "real" Eleanor
was attending a conference

6
00:00:33,676 --> 00:00:36,346
on the death penalty,
and you stopped by to pick up

7
00:00:36,513 --> 00:00:38,181
food for a local homeless shelter.

8
00:00:38,306 --> 00:00:41,476
And Fake Eleanor was there
buying margarita mix

9
00:00:41,559 --> 00:00:46,272
and a magazine called, "Celebrity

1
00:00:09,570 --> 00:00:11,071
Number five is number one.

2
00:00:11,155 --> 00:00:12,907
Number seven is number two.

3
00:00:12,990 --> 00:00:15,826
Number three and number four
are tied for number three.

4
00:00:15,918 --> 00:00:17,586
What are you talking about?

5
00:00:17,661 --> 00:00:19,306
I'm ranking my favorite
Fast and the Furious movies.

6
00:00:19,330 --> 00:00:20,515
You said you wanted to know who I am,

7
00:00:20,539 --> 00:00:22,541
and this is the best way
to get to know me.

8
00:00:22,625 --> 00:00:24,585
No, it isn't.

9
00:00:24,668 --> 00:00:26,629
You could tell me your real name,
for starters.

1
00:00:09,331 --> 00:00:12,584
Now, I'm about to show you
some very sensitive information.

2
00:00:12,792 --> 00:00:15,712
The final point totals
each of you achieved

3
00:00:15,921 --> 00:00:17,422
for all your actions on Earth.

4
00:00:20,175 --> 00:00:23,094
Whoa, your point total
was crazy high, Eleanor.

5
00:00:23,386 --> 00:00:26,598
Oh, sorry, "Crazy High Eleanor"
was my nickname in college.

6
00:00:26,681 --> 00:00:29,142
I accidentally saw
these point totals when Michael

7
00:00:29,225 --> 00:00:32,062
was fixing the sinkhole.
It gave me an idea.

8
00:00:32,145 --> 00:00:35,148
We will apply the formula
to Eleanor's actions here

9

1
00:00:24,223 --> 00:00:26,851
- Ow! What the hell?
- Walk it off, Lululemon.

2
00:00:44,452 --> 00:00:47,747
"Live every day
like it's your last..."

3
00:00:47,830 --> 00:00:49,623
Bite me. I'ma live forever, bitch.

4
00:00:49,707 --> 00:00:52,668
Ma'am? It's, uh, $132.21.

5
00:00:54,587 --> 00:00:57,465
- So, big plans this weekend?
- Yep.

6
00:00:58,090 --> 00:01:01,343
I'm gonna sit alone in my house
watching wedding fails on YouTube,

7
00:01:01,427 --> 00:01:03,429
drinking margaritas
through a Twizzlers straw

8
00:01:03,512 --> 00:01:05,598
until I pass out on top of my vibrator.

9
00:01:08,100 --> 00:01:10,370
Hi, there. Do you have a second

1
00:00:16,170 --> 00:00:17,963
Morning, Mike. How's it hanging?

2
00:00:18,046 --> 00:00:20,174
Oh. Fine, Dave, just fine.

3
00:00:20,257 --> 00:00:22,801
Listen, we got the files
for the new crop of incoming,

4
00:00:22,885 --> 00:00:25,512
and the Big Guy thinks it's time
for you to fly solo.

5
00:00:26,889 --> 00:00:28,640
I get to design it myself?

6
00:00:28,724 --> 00:00:31,393
You've been an apprentice long enough.
You're ready.

7
00:00:33,770 --> 00:00:35,814
Oh, Dave, I'm gonna work so hard.

8
00:00:35,898 --> 00:00:39,777
- My design is gonna be absolutely perfect.
- Easy there, rookie.

9
00:00:39,860 --> 00:00:42,660
Starting immediately, you'll be reporting
directly to the front office.