The Good Place - Third Season English Subtitles

1
00:00:09,448 --> 00:00:12,785
I still believe that they
would have become good people

2
00:00:12,868 --> 00:00:16,997
if they'd just gotten a push
in the right direction.

3
00:00:18,791 --> 00:00:19,917
Oh, no.

4
00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:21,561
- What are they talking about?
- No idea.

5
00:00:21,585 --> 00:00:22,836
It's only four people.

6
00:00:22,920 --> 00:00:26,924
And it's clearly the best way to see
if bad people can become good

7
00:00:27,007 --> 00:00:29,487
without knowing anything
about what's waiting in the afterlife.

8
00:00:32,096 --> 00:00:33,180
Okay, let's do it.

9
00:00:33,263 --> 00:00:37,267
But there have to be strict rules.

1
00:00:10,180 --> 00:00:12,807
Michael, a demon
has infiltrated the group.

2
00:00:13,308 --> 00:00:14,851
Not just any demon.

3
00:00:15,435 --> 00:00:18,980
Trevor is a diabolical, sadistic
agent of evil.

4
00:00:19,063 --> 00:00:23,485
He might just be the single most
dangerous creature in the universe.

5
00:00:23,568 --> 00:00:26,571
Who wants lemon bars?

6
00:00:26,654 --> 00:00:29,991
It's my nana's recipe
and they are just sinful.

7
00:00:30,074 --> 00:00:31,802
Love 'em on my lips,
but hate 'em on my hips,

8
00:00:31,826 --> 00:00:33,554
- if you know what I mean.
- All right, new guy.

9
00:00:33,578 --> 00:00:35,163

1
00:00:15,914 --> 00:00:19,960
Okay.
That was an insane thing for us to do.

2
00:00:20,043 --> 00:00:24,506
Oh! Okay, good news,
I have the Doorman's key,

3
00:00:24,589 --> 00:00:26,025
so no one will be able to come after us.

4
00:00:26,049 --> 00:00:28,969
Let's just try to...

5
00:00:31,388 --> 00:00:32,764
Your key is ringing.

6
00:00:34,224 --> 00:00:37,102
I have a question for you:
Are you out of your damn mind?

7
00:00:37,185 --> 00:00:39,354
Your Honor,
look at it from my point of view.

8
00:00:39,437 --> 00:00:44,609
I have never been this angry in my life,
which is the age of the universe!

9
00:00:44,693 --> 00:00:49,906
I understand, but saving the souls of

1
00:00:10,567 --> 00:00:11,943
What the hell is that?

2
00:00:12,027 --> 00:00:15,906
Oh! Hey, guys.
What are you doing down here?

3
00:00:15,989 --> 00:00:20,076
Well, we came to get more champagne,
which is right behind the magic door.

4
00:00:23,872 --> 00:00:24,789
What door?

5
00:00:24,873 --> 00:00:26,207
What's going on?

6
00:00:26,291 --> 00:00:28,543
Who are you
and why were you talking about us?

7
00:00:28,627 --> 00:00:31,129
And what's the Good Place
and what are afterlife points?

8
00:00:31,212 --> 00:00:32,881
And who has the most, and is it me?

9
00:00:32,964 --> 00:00:35,842
Wait a second, I know this guy.
You're Zack Pizazz.

1
00:00:10,122 --> 00:00:12,416
Okay, okay, okay.
Let's do sophomore year of high school.

2
00:00:12,499 --> 00:00:14,751
- Uh, Nathan Burlingame.
- Didn't like you.

3
00:00:14,835 --> 00:00:16,920
Huh. Kylie Mansard?

4
00:00:17,004 --> 00:00:18,589
Thought you were cool but intimidating.

5
00:00:18,672 --> 00:00:23,510
No way! I thought she was intimidating.
That's why I shoved her into that creek.

6
00:00:24,094 --> 00:00:27,431
Well, after my chili episode,
I asked the administration

7
00:00:27,514 --> 00:00:29,850
for a one-year sabbatical,
and good news...

8
00:00:29,933 --> 00:00:31,476
they fired me.

9
00:00:31,560 --> 00:00:35,063
So, I am free and easy!

1
00:00:10,021 --> 00:00:12,982
So my mom is alive and she lives here.

2
00:00:13,566 --> 00:00:15,192
Why didn't you tell me sooner, man?

3
00:00:15,276 --> 00:00:20,406
I'd already told you that you'd died,
and that I had tortured you for centuries,

4
00:00:20,489 --> 00:00:22,783
and that you're doomed
to be tortured again.

5
00:00:22,867 --> 00:00:24,994
I just didn't want to be a bummer.

6
00:00:25,995 --> 00:00:29,790
But now you know everything important
about your life. I promise.

7
00:00:30,416 --> 00:00:33,919
A police officer came to my home
and told me

8
00:00:34,003 --> 00:00:36,464
that my mom had been
accidentally trampled to death

9
00:00:36,547 --> 00:00:39,759
when she bent down to adjust her toe ring

1
00:00:10,184 --> 00:00:12,145
This library is depressing.

2
00:00:12,228 --> 00:00:16,524
All they have in the poetry section
is Jeff Foxworthy books.

3
00:00:16,607 --> 00:00:18,151
Well, we needed some place deserted,

4
00:00:18,234 --> 00:00:21,904
and there is no place more deserted
than a public library in Arizona.

5
00:00:21,988 --> 00:00:23,072
Now, let's go, man.

6
00:00:23,156 --> 00:00:24,198
We only have a few hours

7
00:00:24,282 --> 00:00:26,218
before we have to pick the gang up
from the airport.

8
00:00:26,242 --> 00:00:27,910
Fire up Janet's memory gizmo.

9
00:00:27,994 --> 00:00:31,414
Flooding your brain with memories
from the afterlife is dangerous.

1
00:01:00,615 --> 00:01:02,034
- Hello.
- Hello.

2
00:01:02,117 --> 00:01:03,493
Hope we have the right house.

3
00:01:03,577 --> 00:01:05,579
I'm looking for a Doug Forcett.

4
00:01:05,662 --> 00:01:07,122
Well, I'm Doug Forcett.

5
00:01:07,205 --> 00:01:08,206
Wow.

6
00:01:08,790 --> 00:01:10,375
Oh, yes. Yes, you are.

7
00:01:10,459 --> 00:01:15,630
Sorry. Um, I'm a reporter
for the Calgary Times Examiner.

8
00:01:15,714 --> 00:01:18,467
My name is, uh, Michael Scoop.

9
00:01:18,550 --> 00:01:21,762
This is my photographer, Janet Scoop.

10
00:01:21,845 --> 00:01:24,097

1
00:00:11,395 --> 00:00:13,689
Wow!

2
00:00:13,773 --> 00:00:16,192
Janet, you did it!
You brought us into your void!

3
00:00:16,275 --> 00:00:18,110
If I had a heart, it would be pounding.

4
00:00:18,194 --> 00:00:21,072
- Michael...
- You'd think there'd be side effects,

5
00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:22,239
but I feel great.

6
00:00:22,323 --> 00:00:24,158
How's the hair?
Is it still amazing?

7
00:00:24,241 --> 00:00:27,620
Michael, there may have been
some side effects for the humans.

8
00:00:31,999 --> 00:00:35,544
Dude, why are there so many Janets?
And why do I sound like Janet?

9
00:00:35,628 --> 00:00:37,838
You also look like Janet.

1
00:00:08,903 --> 00:00:13,616
Holy forking shirtballs.
We're in the Good Place.

2
00:00:13,699 --> 00:00:16,535
Are we sure
we're in the actual Good Place?

3
00:00:16,611 --> 00:00:18,487
It's rather... carpeted.

4
00:00:18,579 --> 00:00:20,205
Yeah, I don't see any go-karts,

5
00:00:20,289 --> 00:00:24,126
much less go-karts being driven by monkeys
wearing sunglasses and Hawaiian shirts.

6
00:00:24,209 --> 00:00:25,085
- What?
- Don't.

7
00:00:25,169 --> 00:00:27,463
No, this is definitely
some part of the Good Place.

8
00:00:27,546 --> 00:00:28,922
Just take a deep breath.

9
00:00:31,216 --> 00:00:34,762
That smells like Typhoon Falls,

1
00:00:11,517 --> 00:00:15,354
So you're telling me I can't get
any pancakes at this IHOP?

2
00:00:15,437 --> 00:00:16,873
It's not the place you're thinking of.

3
00:00:16,897 --> 00:00:19,692
This is the
Interdimensional Hole of Pancakes.

4
00:00:19,775 --> 00:00:21,777
It's the crossroads of all dimensions,

5
00:00:21,860 --> 00:00:25,114
like Grand Central Station,
but for space and time.

6
00:00:25,197 --> 00:00:28,117
If you eat anything in this IHOP,
you will literally explode.

7
00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:30,202
Yeah, I know. It's IHOP.

8
00:00:31,453 --> 00:00:33,288
Why are we meeting there?

9
00:00:33,372 --> 00:00:35,499
The Judge's powers
are limited in the IHOP,

1
00:00:08,841 --> 00:00:10,092
That's why I can't do it.

2
00:00:10,175 --> 00:00:11,718
It's too scary!

3
00:00:11,802 --> 00:00:14,763
Oh! No!

4
00:00:14,854 --> 00:00:16,897
Hello?

5
00:00:16,974 --> 00:00:19,560
Okay, listen. There's a guy out there

6
00:00:19,643 --> 00:00:22,104
who's awake
and doesn't know what's happening.

7
00:00:22,187 --> 00:00:23,730
Okay? You gotta pull it together!

8
00:00:23,814 --> 00:00:27,317
- You've got this.
- No. I absolutely do not.

9
00:00:27,401 --> 00:00:31,780
I'm not meant for any of this, Eleanor.
I'm just middle management!

10