The Big Bang Theory - Fifth Season English Subtitles

1
00:00:03,712 --> 00:00:04,753
My brother...

2
00:00:04,921 --> 00:00:07,506
he's got a big crush on Bernadette.

3
00:00:08,174 --> 00:00:09,883
You're moving back to India?

4
00:00:17,392 --> 00:00:18,600
What's going on?

5
00:00:20,437 --> 00:00:22,771
It's not what it looks like.

6
00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:28,360
What does it look like?

7
00:00:31,656 --> 00:00:39,121
It's not what it looks like.

8
00:00:39,289 --> 00:00:40,831
What are you grinding about?

9
00:00:41,916 --> 00:00:43,959
Penny's brain teaser this morning.

10
00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:47,755
She and Koothrappali
emerge from your bedroom.

1
00:00:06,589 --> 00:00:09,174
- What are you doing?
- Oh, Priya's calling in a few minutes...

2
00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:11,802
on Skype
and we are gonna have a dinner date.

3
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:16,223
It's 8:00 in the morning in Mumbai.

4
00:00:16,391 --> 00:00:18,350
How can she have dinner?

5
00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:20,853
Whatever.
Priya will be having breakfast.

6
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:24,148
All right.
So technically, it's not a dinner date.

7
00:00:24,315 --> 00:00:27,609
I suppose you could call it
a, uh, dinfast date.

8
00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:31,030
But if you did, you'd open yourself
to peer-based mocking...

9
00:00:31,197 --> 00:00:34,950

1
00:00:03,294 --> 00:00:05,212
- Who wants the last dumpling?
- Ooh, me.

2
00:00:05,380 --> 00:00:07,297
Penny, a moment.

3
00:00:07,465 --> 00:00:09,550
We just had Thai food.

4
00:00:09,718 --> 00:00:13,512
In that culture, the last morsel
is called the krengjai piece.

5
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:19,601
And it is reserved for the most important
and valued member of the group.

6
00:00:24,274 --> 00:00:27,401
Thank you all for this high honor.

7
00:00:28,987 --> 00:00:32,364
I've seen pictures of your mother.
Keep eating.

8
00:00:37,078 --> 00:00:40,789
All right, honey, if we're gonna
make the movie, we should go.

9
00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:45,961
This may be hard for you to hear...

1
00:00:03,878 --> 00:00:06,588
The entrance to the dungeon
is a moss-covered door.

2
00:00:06,756 --> 00:00:09,967
You manage to open it
only to find yourself face-to-face...

3
00:00:10,135 --> 00:00:13,762
with a hideous,
foul-smelling, moss-covered ogre.

4
00:00:13,930 --> 00:00:15,681
What do you do?

5
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:18,308
I say, "Hey, Ma, what's for dinner?"

6
00:00:21,312 --> 00:00:23,313
Seventeen.

7
00:00:23,481 --> 00:00:26,775
The ogre is amused by your joke
and allows you to pass.

8
00:00:28,111 --> 00:00:30,612
By the by, I liked it too.

9
00:00:32,490 --> 00:00:34,116
How go the wedding plans, Howard?

1
00:00:08,550 --> 00:00:10,259
It's from Game of Thrones.

2
00:00:10,427 --> 00:00:13,095
- What do you think?
- I don't know.

3
00:00:13,263 --> 00:00:15,848
If we're going to start
a fantasy sword collection...

4
00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:17,683
And I've long thought we should.

5
00:00:19,144 --> 00:00:21,186
Is this really the sword to start with?

6
00:00:21,354 --> 00:00:22,980
What did you have in mind?

7
00:00:23,148 --> 00:00:27,234
Well, off the top of my head,
I'd have to go with Excalibur.

8
00:00:27,402 --> 00:00:29,987
It gives you the right to rule England.

9
00:00:30,780 --> 00:00:32,781
It would be a replica of a movie prop.

10

1
00:00:03,253 --> 00:00:05,587
So, what kind of cruise is this
you're going on?

2
00:00:05,755 --> 00:00:08,424
It's called
the Born Again Boat Ride.

3
00:00:08,633 --> 00:00:13,721
Christian Quarterly gave it
their highest rating: Five thorny crowns.

4
00:00:14,597 --> 00:00:16,598
I do wish you'd come with me,
Sheldon.

5
00:00:16,766 --> 00:00:20,227
Oh, well, Mom, if I did,
it would be conclusive proof...

6
00:00:20,395 --> 00:00:22,396
that your God can work miracles.

7
00:00:23,273 --> 00:00:26,900
You're missing out. It's gonna be
wall-to-wall fun. It's all themed.

8
00:00:27,068 --> 00:00:28,944
There's Jonah-and-the-whale
watching.

9

1
00:00:03,420 --> 00:00:08,424
And reverse the spin
on the antiproton...

2
00:00:08,591 --> 00:00:12,261
and gamma becomes alpha.

3
00:00:12,429 --> 00:00:17,433
Multiplied by a matrix
of negative I comma zero.

4
00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:19,018
And there we have it.

5
00:00:19,602 --> 00:00:24,314
Conclusive proof that
I am absolutely worthless after 9:00.

6
00:00:27,110 --> 00:00:30,779
Sheldon.

7
00:00:31,948 --> 00:00:35,784
Sheldon.

8
00:00:41,958 --> 00:00:43,250
Hmm.

9
00:00:50,425 --> 00:00:54,136
All right, all right.

10

1
00:00:03,461 --> 00:00:06,380
So, Bernadette, how goes the hunt
for bridesmaid dresses?

2
00:00:06,548 --> 00:00:09,758
Well, if you don't mind looking
like an orange traffic cone, great.

3
00:00:10,719 --> 00:00:13,762
Girlfriends, I have the answer
to our dress problems.

4
00:00:13,930 --> 00:00:15,639
- Really?
- Twelve years ago...

5
00:00:15,807 --> 00:00:17,933
my cousin Irene
and her entire family died...

6
00:00:18,101 --> 00:00:21,770
in a horrific carbon-monoxide accident
the night before her wedding.

7
00:00:23,273 --> 00:00:26,150
- That's horrible.
- Yes and no.

8
00:00:26,943 --> 00:00:29,236
All those bridesmaids dresses
remain unused...

1
00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:07,506
- Hey.
- Oh, hey. You work the lunch shift?

2
00:00:07,674 --> 00:00:10,426
Yeah. Got 8 pounds of salmon
that's about to go bad.

3
00:00:10,593 --> 00:00:12,678
- Do you know how to cook it?
- Not really.

4
00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:16,557
Damn it.
Should've liberated the iffy chicken.

5
00:00:16,766 --> 00:00:20,769
So, what are you
and Professor Fussyface up to tonight?

6
00:00:20,937 --> 00:00:23,397
Star Wars on Blu-ray.

7
00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:25,733
Haven't you seen that movie
a thousand times?

8
00:00:25,900 --> 00:00:27,568
Not on Blu-ray.

9
00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:30,279

1
00:00:04,129 --> 00:00:06,755
It's amazing people keep coming
to comic book stores...

2
00:00:06,923 --> 00:00:10,300
instead ofjust downloading
comics digitally.

3
00:00:10,468 --> 00:00:11,802
It's probably for the best.

4
00:00:11,970 --> 00:00:14,263
For a lot of these guys,
the weekly trip here...

5
00:00:14,431 --> 00:00:17,766
is the only chance their mom has to go
to the basement and change their sheets.

6
00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:22,521
Oh, that reminds me,
I get fresh sheets tonight. Yay.

7
00:00:25,525 --> 00:00:28,318
Well, what do you think
of new comic book night?

8
00:00:28,820 --> 00:00:30,821
Magic, huh?

9
00:00:31,197 --> 00:00:32,698

1
00:00:05,171 --> 00:00:07,715
Hi. Did Sheldon
change the Wi-Fi password again?

2
00:00:07,924 --> 00:00:12,886
Uh, yeah, it's "Penny already eats
our food, she can pay for Wi-Fi."

3
00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:16,015
No spaces.

4
00:00:16,224 --> 00:00:20,519
Okay. What makes you think you
can get me to stop using your wi-Fi?

5
00:00:20,729 --> 00:00:23,313
I believe that you're capable
of great change.

6
00:00:23,523 --> 00:00:27,109
Like, when I finally got you
to stop saying "Valentime's Day."

7
00:00:28,570 --> 00:00:30,195
- Wanna hear something weird?
- Sure.

8
00:00:30,405 --> 00:00:32,114
In the year 2000...

9
00:00:32,323 --> 00:00:37,244

1
00:00:03,753 --> 00:00:07,172
Completely empty box,
if you'd like to examine it.

2
00:00:07,340 --> 00:00:08,382
Mm-hm.

3
00:00:08,550 --> 00:00:12,720
Yep. I see nothing in this box
but a wasted childhood.

4
00:00:13,722 --> 00:00:15,764
Little snarky there, cello lessons.

5
00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:23,022
We have this completely ordinary
cylinder if you'd like to examine it.

6
00:00:23,940 --> 00:00:28,318
Ordinary, yet I sense it
is dripping with magical potential.

7
00:00:29,112 --> 00:00:30,863
Oh, dear Lord.

8
00:00:31,072 --> 00:00:34,491
A man pops out for a moment
to evacuate his bowels...

9
00:00:34,659 --> 00:00:38,162
and catch up on the adventures

1
00:00:03,753 --> 00:00:05,754
Feel like trying something new
for dinner?

2
00:00:05,922 --> 00:00:08,090
Maybe Indian? Tex-Mex?

3
00:00:08,258 --> 00:00:11,093
Ever wonder how humans would
be different if they evolved...

4
00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:14,096
from lizards instead of mammals?

5
00:00:15,473 --> 00:00:18,350
Okay, let's talk about that.

6
00:00:19,352 --> 00:00:21,854
As you know,
lizards, cold-blooded animals...

7
00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:24,023
lack the ability to sense temperature.

8
00:00:24,232 --> 00:00:26,775
But they do move more sluggishly
when it's cold.

9
00:00:26,943 --> 00:00:29,778
So lizard weathermen
would say things like:

1
00:00:09,926 --> 00:00:11,593
Hello.

2
00:00:11,803 --> 00:00:13,345
I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper...

3
00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:16,682
and welcome to the premiere episode
of Sheldon Cooper Presents:

4
00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:19,018
Fun with Flags.

5
00:00:20,145 --> 00:00:21,687
Over the next 52 weeks...

6
00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:27,026
you and I are going to explore
the dynamic world of vexillology.

7
00:00:27,193 --> 00:00:31,321
Hang on, Dr. C. What's vexillology?

8
00:00:32,949 --> 00:00:36,326
Vexillology is the study of flags.

9
00:00:36,494 --> 00:00:38,245
Cool.

10
00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:41,707

1
00:00:14,889 --> 00:00:17,474
- What the hell?
- Emergency-preparedness drill.

2
00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:20,686
- Oh, no. Come on.
- Yeah, you know how it works.

3
00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:23,022
Once a quarter, keep our readiness up.

4
00:00:23,189 --> 00:00:27,443
Now, rise and shine, sleepy head.
Half the town is probably dead.

5
00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:31,405
I have to get a lock for my door.

6
00:00:31,573 --> 00:00:35,075
I think you'll like the drill tonight.
I've tried to make it fun.

7
00:00:35,243 --> 00:00:39,955
Each of these cards contains a detailed
scenario of a possible apocalyptic event.

8
00:00:40,123 --> 00:00:44,960
Everything from wildfires
to a surprise invasion by Canada.

9
00:00:46,171 --> 00:00:48,839

1
00:00:03,837 --> 00:00:06,588
Gentlemen, I think I've come up
with a fun way...

2
00:00:06,798 --> 00:00:09,508
...to get young peopIe
interested in science.

3
00:00:09,718 --> 00:00:12,344
Physics Mad Libs.

4
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:15,681
Now, give me a number.

5
00:00:15,890 --> 00:00:17,641
-Five.
-Uh-huh.

6
00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:20,102
And an irrational constant.

7
00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:21,729
E.

8
00:00:21,938 --> 00:00:23,313
And a funny Greek letter.

9
00:00:23,523 --> 00:00:26,316
-Gamma.
-I said funny.

1
00:00:04,546 --> 00:00:07,256
- Lt was a nice retirement party.
- L guess.

2
00:00:07,465 --> 00:00:11,176
Still, it's a shame Professor Rothman
was forced to step down.

3
00:00:11,386 --> 00:00:13,971
Well, what choice
did the university have? He snapped.

4
00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:17,099
It happens to theoretical physicists
all the time.

5
00:00:17,767 --> 00:00:20,477
I wonder how long Sheldon's got.

6
00:00:21,563 --> 00:00:23,480
These shrimp are all the same size.

7
00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:25,733
There's no logical order
to eat them in.

8
00:00:28,111 --> 00:00:30,446
Can't be very long.

9
00:00:31,197 --> 00:00:33,532
Hey, look,

1
00:00:04,254 --> 00:00:07,214
I'm gonna run to the store.
I'll pick you up when you're done.

2
00:00:07,424 --> 00:00:10,968
Okay. L like it a little better
when you stay, but all right.

3
00:00:11,511 --> 00:00:12,803
- Hey, Sheldon.
- Hello.

4
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:15,347
I'm here for my haircut
with Mr. D'Onofrio.

5
00:00:15,557 --> 00:00:18,517
I'm sorry, Uncle Tony is in the hospital.
He's pretty sick.

6
00:00:19,102 --> 00:00:22,396
Oh, dear, Mr. D'Onofrio's
in the hospital.

7
00:00:22,605 --> 00:00:25,691
Why do these things
always happen to me?

8
00:00:25,900 --> 00:00:28,610
- L can cut it for you.
- You're not Mr. D'Onofrio.

1
00:00:03,378 --> 00:00:06,338
Wanna spend time playing the new
"Star Wars" game this weekend?

2
00:00:06,506 --> 00:00:09,508
Mm, I don't know, I promised
myself I'd get off the computer...

3
00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:12,344
be more physically active,
get some exercise.

4
00:00:12,512 --> 00:00:15,556
You're about to walk up
three flights of stairs.

5
00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:19,268
Well, good point. I'm in.

6
00:00:20,603 --> 00:00:23,522
You know what would be great?
Let's do it like the old days.

7
00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:26,233
- Mm, you talking gaming marathon?
- Yeah.

8
00:00:26,401 --> 00:00:30,654
Start Saturday morning, go 48 hours,
sleeping bags, junk food.

9

1
00:00:03,378 --> 00:00:05,462
Oh, my God, I love this chicken.

2
00:00:05,672 --> 00:00:10,426
Oh, you know what they say,
"The best things in life are free."

3
00:00:10,635 --> 00:00:13,095
You're right. L eat your food a lot.
How about this?

4
00:00:13,304 --> 00:00:15,264
You can raid my fridge
any time you want.

5
00:00:15,473 --> 00:00:16,807
Oh, that's very kind of you.

6
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:20,060
Next time I have a hankering
to wash down a D-cell battery...

7
00:00:20,270 --> 00:00:23,147
with a jar of old pickle juice,
I'll come a-knocking.

8
00:00:24,482 --> 00:00:27,151
Hey, Raj, you didn't send your RSVP in.

9
00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:29,820
I'm supposed to ask you

1
00:00:03,753 --> 00:00:06,755
So I got the craziest e-mail
this morning.

2
00:00:06,923 --> 00:00:11,719
I don't mean to burst your bubble,
but penile-enlargement pills do not work.

3
00:00:13,096 --> 00:00:15,055
Believe me, I know.

4
00:00:16,266 --> 00:00:19,143
The e-mail I got was from the office
of Stephen Hawking.

5
00:00:19,310 --> 00:00:20,728
- You're kidding.
- Why?

6
00:00:20,895 --> 00:00:22,938
He's coming to the university
to lecture...

7
00:00:23,106 --> 00:00:27,192
and he's looking for an engineer to
maintain equipment on his wheelchair.

8
00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:30,738
That's amazing.
You'll be like his pit crew.

9

1
00:00:13,054 --> 00:00:15,431
I wish you could all be inside my head.

2
00:00:16,433 --> 00:00:18,642
The conversation is sparkling.

3
00:00:20,979 --> 00:00:22,771
Fine, I'll tell you.

4
00:00:22,939 --> 00:00:27,276
A lichen is an organism made up
of two separate species, fungi and algae.

5
00:00:27,485 --> 00:00:31,905
If you could merge with another species,
what species would you pick and why?

6
00:00:32,157 --> 00:00:34,324
Hint, there is a right answer.

7
00:00:36,077 --> 00:00:37,327
None of you will get it.

8
00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:42,624
Okay. Um, I'd pick swan
because, uh, the resulting hybrid...

9
00:00:42,792 --> 00:00:45,878
would have the advanced
industrial civilization of a human...

1
00:00:07,298 --> 00:00:09,008
- Howard wolowitz.
- Hey.

2
00:00:09,217 --> 00:00:12,636
Dave Roeger, here, at NASA. We need
to talk about your upcoming mission.

3
00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:16,682
Yes, yes, I've been doing
my push-ups.

4
00:00:17,475 --> 00:00:20,853
I'm still stuck at nine, but...

5
00:00:22,313 --> 00:00:25,816
That's going all the way down
with no one holding me, heh.

6
00:00:26,234 --> 00:00:28,861
That's great, uh, but
that's not why I called.

7
00:00:29,070 --> 00:00:30,529
We've run into a bit of a snafu.

8
00:00:30,739 --> 00:00:33,198
Your Soyuz capsule failed
the pressurization test...

9
00:00:33,408 --> 00:00:36,910

1
00:00:02,460 --> 00:00:06,005
Who says that in the middle of sex?

2
00:00:06,214 --> 00:00:08,257
I don't know.
It was the heat of the moment.

3
00:00:08,466 --> 00:00:11,176
No, the heat of the moment is,
"Oh, yeah, just like that."

4
00:00:11,386 --> 00:00:14,138
Not, "Will you marry me?"

5
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:19,518
NASA really wants my telescope up
on the Space Station...

6
00:00:19,728 --> 00:00:22,563
so they're putting me
on an earlier launch.

7
00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:25,858
- When?
- A week from Friday.

8
00:00:26,067 --> 00:00:28,652
What? But we're getting married
that Sunday.

9
00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:33,824